#(I feel like the medium speed also cuts it off a bit)

[whataboutsorcerysaga]

There's a hopping animation for Kuu, which gets cut completely short at faster game speeds!

[peachyteabuck]

do you think about me now and then / fallon carrington x reader

summary: you and fallon have a very specific type of routine

a commission for @devillskettle

pairing: fallon carrington x reader

words: 1226

trigger warnings: FWB, fingering, strap riding, orgasm, angst if you squint?, 

Reading is hard.

You’ve been trying to finish this book for weeks. It’s not as though it’s not good! It’s fantastic, it’s been recommended to you by so many people…and yet, here you are on a wintery Friday night, tucked into the world’s most comfortable recliner, with the world’s most comfortable blanket, and the world’s most comfortable three-sizes-too-large hoodie and underwear that’s seen you through three apartments, four girlfriends, and your summer obsession with audio porn.

Here you are, in the perfect conditions to finish this fucking book…and yet here you are, scrolling through Instagram as you stalk yet another person you graduated college with who just got married.

You’re soon glad you’re looking at your phone, though, because your droomscrolling is rudely interrupting by someone calling. Luckily, It may be someone who can make this night a little better.

“Hey, Fallon,” you try to ignore the flutter in your chest. Neither you nor Fallon were looking for a relationship (work always came first, despite your differences the both of you could agree with that). Still, the oil former-baronness has never left you dissatisfied, and you liked to think the arrangement you two had outlined one fateful spring night benefitted each of you. “What can I do for you this fine evening?”

You can hear her huff angrily, and you’re sure she’s already rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”

And…?

“I’ll be at your place in thirty. Food is already ordered. Have a glass of red prepared for me when I get there.”

You smile. It’s been a tough week, something about mergers and lawyers and the HR department. You’re not really sure, you work in accounting at a different media company, but from the whispers on Slack and the texts from Fallon…it has not been her easiest week. But her call comes as no surprise—this little ritual of yours, the food, the wine, the sex…It had become an easy way for the both of you to blow off steam. It was a good, simple relationship between people who had signed enough NDAs to know what to keep private. Like a Secretary of State to her therapist, the both of you understand the nature of insider trading and the risks it poses to both of your careers.

Still, nothing was illegal about vague, wine-induced gossiping. And so vague, wine-induced gossip you two did.

Food arrives only a few minutes before Fallon does, the woman letting herself in as you plate what you know to be her order (Caeser salad, light dressing, with a medium-well steak). You hadn’t started on the win yet, though, and so she poured two glasses of a too-expensive red.

“So,” you smile just a little, a bit sadistic in how cute Fallon is when she’s annoyed. “How was work?”

Soon, both of you are full. It’s the nice kind of full that has you sleepy, content, almost drunk (that could also be the few glasses of wine you’d consumed as Fallon ranted about having to fire another assistant and HR fucking up payroll again). Her hand rests on your thigh, under the blanket but over your sweatpants. Some cheesy TV show the both of you had watched several times over plays lowly in the background, but all you can think about is the feeling of her thumb rubbing back and forth.

Fallon never seems to notice the little things she does—now, the thumb; other times, the way she buys you lunch when you don’t text her during your mandatory lunch break. The way she offers trip ideas when you haven’t taken PTO in a while. How she cares for you in her own specific way, even if that way is hidden behind eight layers of obfuscation.

“What are you thinking about?” her words cut through your high-speed train of thought easily as a knife through room-temperature butter.

“Spreadsheets,” you answer.

She snorts. “I’ve been able to tell when you’re lying since before grad school.”

You snort. “Nothing worth talking about.”

Fallon rolls her eyes, a smile playing on her lips. “Whatever.” A beat. She looks you up and down, in that slow, predatory way lions scan injured zebras. “You want to go to bed?”

Both of you are creatures of habit, and so this is always how it starts. It’s a dance, a wonderful ballet, that begins with the same opening number. A disrobing behind closed doors, changing into comfy clothes and taking off jewelry. Your bed, perfectly made as always, makes itself a stage as you displace well-loved Squishmallows while Fallon scoffs about how childish they are. She tucks herself into your chest, using your forearm as a pillow, while you read on your tablet and she rubs those small circles on your tummy. You stay like that, pressed against each other, until she decides to shift herself upwards, so her breath fans across your neck. You’ll pretend to ignore her, until she nuzzles her nose just under your ear, leaving a little kiss on your neck.

Then you smile, not looking at her. She likes this dance, even if she won’t admit it. “You want something?”

Fallon hmms, her hand moving higher and higher until she’s tracing just under your breasts. “Maybe.”

That’s another thing about Fallon—she likes it when you make the first move for her. “Hmm,” you pretend to consider your options. It is then, silently, that you go in for the kill, placing your tablet to the side before shifting down to kiss her ever so lightly. Her lips are soft, always soft from her oils and scrubs and constant attention to her appearance. “This what you want?”

She furrows her brow, an adorable shade of frustration washing over her face. She’s a slow and careful predator, until something she wants is just within reach. What comes next is not a surprise, but certainly isn’t unwelcome—she climbs atop of you, abandoning any sort of subtlety as she tangles her fingers with yours and kisses you with her pillowy lips.

You know there won’t be much talking after this—moaning and begging and teasing, sure, but certainly no talking. It’s easy to follow the choreography you two had performed so many times before, dancers in each other’s arms as clothes come off and skin becomes bruised from teeth and hands. It’ll all be hidden tomorrow, but for now, both of you remain bare to the other in every way that matters.

Being with Fallon is easy in the best way; the way pleasure washes over you as she presses her fingers into you as easy as rain hits ones skin if they find themselves trapped in a thunderstorm. The only choice you have to make is to be present, to feel your fingers tangle into sheets and in her hair. To feel her tongue press against the most sensitive part of you and hum as you gasp your ever-approaching climax.

It’s a similar kind of easy to push her onto her back, to mount her while she grips your hips.

“You’re gorgeous,” she says, breathy and barely above a whisper. “Literally so gorgeous.”

All you can do is fuck yourself up and down the toy and let the heat from your abdomen travel up to your chest and cheeks. This¸ you think, as she rubs her thumb over your clit. This, is where you belong.

[umlewis]

lewis hamilton, p2, is interviewed during the post-sprint press conference, china - april 20, 2024 (transcript under the cut)

Interviewer: "Lewis, coming to you now. Very well done to you. How encouraging was this performance, and how sweet was it to be leading, as well?" Lewis: "Yeah, I forgot what it felt like to be up ahead, and it felt good for the short while that I had it, but I was grateful for the moment and… Yeah, really fortunate, obviously, wiht the rain yesterday, to have been able to capitalize on that. I think our out-and-out true pace was not strong enough to qualify up as high as that, but I made the most of it. Great start, and then just managed to hold off Fernando for a while and bridged a bit of a gap, but lots of deg today. But honestly I found out a lot about the car today, so not that it's telling us how to fix it, but at least give us lots of direction and things we need to improve. Fortunately we can make a few changes in the next couple of hours, so I will try and improve the car for qualifying today. But yeah, so happy to be up here, honestly. Just feel really grateful." Interviewer: "If there's one area where you think you /can/ improve the car ahead of qualifying, where is it? Is it low-speed?" Lewis: "Yeah, the low-speed is where we are struggling the most; medium and low. So Fernando was all over me through most of the low-speed corners, and I think I could about hold my own through the high. But yeah, losing a lot in the medium and low, and then obviously these guys are [laughs] in a different league, but he was also killing me in the low speed. So if there's a way to improve it, we'll try to. I think that's probably characteristics of the car that we need to actually work on through the rest of the year." Interviewer: "Lewis, can you just talk us through your battle with Lando Norris at turn one, as well? It looked like you hung him out to dry a little bit?" Lewis: "No. I mean, I obviously got a great start. I was obviously on the inside line. He tried to hold the outside line and we were both just pushing to the maximum to… I used, obviously, everything to try and hold position, and eventually I think he just ended up on the dirty bits on the outside and then lost it. There's a point where you go a bit too far, then there's no grip out there, and I think that's what he eventually found. In that scenario he should've just conceded and just parked up behind me. Probably would have had the pace to overtake me, 'cause the McLaren is very quick, but I know he lost a lot of ground there, but that's racing." Interviewer: "Alright. Very well done to you." [time jump]

Journalist: "Jon Noble, Motorsport.com. To Lewis, how much is this kind of result so far this weekend a sign of the genuine progress you've made since Japan, and how much down a little bit to circumstance that you had grid position that you perhaps wouldn't have in a dry session, and the benefits of clear air as against battling in a pack and looking after tires?" Lewis: "I think it's over ninety percent due to the scenario of the rain yesterday, if I'm really honest. We've not made really a step from the last race. The car is exactly the same, and we're battling the same issues that we had in the last race, and I think position-wise we are probably, pace-wise, in the similar position. I think today is gonna be interesting, to see if we can wing it a little bit and try and get as close to the top five, but we're currently not top five qualifiers, and so just getting into Q3 will be important today. Fortunately I've got extra tires, so if I can utilize that today I'll try and maximize it." [time jump]

Journalist: "Joe Cash from Reuters. Yesterday Pirelli said that when they'd been analyzing the track, the new surface made as though it might be difficult to find other lines. Lewis, in particular, do you feel that that was a factor in your overtake around Lando into turn one, that it's difficult to find grip outside the racing line?" Lewis: "No. This track has always been one of those circuits that's quite wide on a lot of the corners and provides lots of different lines. There are other circuits where you can't do other lines, but I think this is why it's such a great racetrack, and honestly I don't think the track surface has really made much of a difference at all, in that respect. I mean, you could see Fernando behind me on a much different line to me and he was catching in certain places and losing in others, so yeah, that's the bit I love about this track." [time jump]

Journalist: "Question for all three: We've got the sprint part of the weekend out of the way now. Have you been able to enjoy more with the revised format?" Lewis: "I've always generally enjoyed the sprint format. I think there's a lot of time wasted on these weekends and we could either, one, shorten the weekends, or pack the days more so that the fans have more of an xperience. There's at least ten hours wasted during the day where we could be entertaining the fans on track, and of course sustainability has to come into that, but… And otherwise I think also with the ability to be able to make a change right now and potentially try and close the gap to the Red Bulls, or at least to whoever's up ahead of us tomorrow, I think is great for the race weekend, as where before if you were just stuck in it right now, you would already absolutely know the end race result, but today we've got something new and exciting."

Journalist: "Hi. Henry Clark with the Daily Mail. A question for Lewis: Obviously a big smile on your face out there after a strong performance. Even for a driver of your pedigree and experience, how significant was that performance, of the confidence boost for you to help lift your spirits? Obviously it's been a difficult start to the season, and even beyond that, I guess." Lewis: "I mean, any time you have a good result is always a confidence boost. That's the way of life, and you have a good day and it lifts your spirits, for sure. I think, as I said, the circumstances are special with the rain yesterday, but obviously had to do the job yesterday and put that lap in. And then today, to be on the front row, don't remember having that view for a long time, or it feels like a really long time. I don't know if we've had it in the last couple years, but… And to be able to fight into turn one for the lead just reminded me of why I love what I do and what we do, and I know we've got to work incredibly hard to get back to a more consistent placing like this. But you saw Max, I didn't even put up a fight for Max because he was coming at us, serious pace advantage that I knew he would get me and I really wanted to make sure I didn't lose time to tthe guys further behind so I could retain second. So yeah. Grateful for it."

[monstersdownthepath]

Monster Spotlight: Dandasuka

CR 5

Lawful Evil Small Outsider

Bestiary 3, pg. 225

These motley fellows are among the least of the Rakshasa, the Earthbound Evils born when a mortal soul undertakes a profane and corrupting ritual to permanently bind their soul to the world, reincarnating each time they die rather than passing into the afterlife. The Dandasuka here (which I will be shortening to Danda from here on out) work as spies and assassins in service to more powerful Rakshasa, jobs that feel odd for creatures which prize jewelry, bright clothing, baubles, and jangly bits on their outfits often to the point that they look outright ridiculous and comical. This, however, is befitting of their general attitude which can be accurately summarized as "murder clown."

For the most part, Danda remain out of sight by virtue of spamming their Change Shape ability, which allows them to take on the form of any Medium or Small Humanoid creature as they will. Masquerading most often as children, halflings, and gnomes, Danda utilize good, old-fashioned skill checks rather than relying on magic in order to keep anyone from sussing out their identity or mission, making use of their +19 to Disguise and +15 to Bluff to trick and mislead onlookers, deflect blame, and impersonate whoever they need to in order to get close to their targets. Like all Rakshasa, Danda possess a constant Detect Thoughts on themselves that's empowered to always read surface thoughts without needing to concentrate on a target for 3 rounds, making their disguises and lies all the harder to crack as they learn what they have to say by reading the minds of everyone around them.

That being said, when normal words fail, Danda have the casting power of a 2nd level Sorcerer, which doesn't sound impressive, and in truth isn't particularly astonishing... but it does mean they have five spell slots full of Charm Person and/or Ventriloquism, which are incredibly flexible in the hands of a creature that's trying to get into places it's not invited. It's also got a handful of useful cantrips, such as Daze (which is useful for a creature that expects to be among commoners and low-level guards), Ghost Sound, and Mage Hand. Outside of its Sorcerer levels, a Danda can use Clairvoyance once a day, which is especially handy for narrowing down where its target is or isn't and gathering intel from a distance.

Once in battle, Danda transform from patient plotters to cackling, maniacal jesters, dancing and cavorting and making terrible, black-hearted jokes at the expense of their targets all the while. They're absolutely vicious little buggers, far more than you'd expect from such small creatures, and they revel in bloodshed to the point it's actually a downside for them. Offensively, they CAN wield weapons, but prefer their Claw-Claw-Bite for 1d4+1 and 1d6+1, respective, due to the enjoyment they get from flensing people with their bare hands and teeth. Those absolutely gigantic chompers of theirs tack 1d4 bleed damage onto the bite, bleeding their victims out in short order if they can't staunch the flow. If the Danda has some method of getting the drop on its foe--such as its 20ft climb speed, its +17 to Stealth, or if it's disguised as an ally--it can add +1d6 Sneak Attack damage to all of its attacks as well, and multiple Danda sent on the same mission can flank for one another to quickly tear apart most enemies in short order.

That bleed damage, however, is sometimes to the Danda's detriment. These horrid little beasties are plagued by a hunger for mortal flesh and blood that requires a level of willpower to ignore that they often do not have if they don't gorge themselves before a mission, which the book notes often leads to them suddenly stopping their attacks to lick blood off their claws or even the floor, or pause to consume a chunk of flesh cut off an enemy. Unlike the Gaki, who's hunger is so overwhelming they suffer a mechanical penalty when being offered food, the Danda have enough self control to reject anything offered by an enemy, so this quirk of their behavior tends to serve more as a DM emergency mercy button, having the untouchable little gremlin pause its attacks to bite down on a nearby corpse.

I say "untouchable" for one specific reason, and it's not their DR 5/Good or Piercing; it's their disproportionate 20 Spell Resistance, which is basically immunity against the magic of all but the luckiest of mages at the level one can expect to encounter one of these beings. A caster at levels 1 to 3 has such a low chance of piercing that SR that they're better off using crossbows and darts (since those actually bypass its DR), and even spells which ignore its SR will have to contend with +5/+9/+6 saves, and non-casters don't have any easier of a time thanks to 19 AC! Their bleed damage, climb speed, and Stealth checks also make them excellent hit-and-run baddies, using Spring Attack to initiate before scampering back off into the urban sprawl, hurling insults and cruel jokes back at the party all the while as they struggle to deal with the latest bout of damage.

As assassins go, Danda aren't exactly the most subtle. Their jangling jewelry and gaudy appearance and tendency to stand atop an enemy's corpse and make a gaff about their death to a horrified audience doesn't exactly lend itself to killing quietly, but if you need to send a message, there's few creatures who'll do better. They're also cheap; a Danda's rapacious hunger for the flesh of humanoids means that they're comically easy to bribe compared to most supernatural assassins, and offerings of garish clothes and expensive jewelry can be easily supplemented with decadent meals crafted in whole or in part from other murder victims. Just make sure they're fresh; Danda aren't ghouls, after all, and one risks offending them if they're offered rotting or substandard meat.

You can read more about them here.

[startrekfangirl2233-writes]

No, Nothin' Good Starts in a Getaway Car

Part 1 of Sometimes All You Need (A Getaway Car)

Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Reader

Description: On the worst first date of your life, you're aching for any excuse to cut the date short. When a chance encounter with a gorgeous blonde presents you with a chance to escape, you'd be a fool not to take it.

Disclaimer: N/A

Warnings: afab!reader

Word Count: 2784

A/N: Hi! I wrote this for @cherrycola27's 1K Celebration Top Gun Taylor's Version. I had an absolute blast writing it. I listened to Getaway Car by Taylor Swift on repeat, and the story ran away from me. It's also the very first fanfiction that I've ever written. I really hope people like it! And to the lovely @cherrycola27, congratulations on 1k followers! I'm so happy for you!

I have about a billion thanks to the fantastic @roosterbruiser for proofreading this as well!

AO3: Cross-posted here! My Masterlist

Series Masterlist | Next Part

Click Here for the Top Gun Taylor's Version Master List

You meet Jake Seresin in the midst of what is arguably the worst first date you've ever been on. San Diego is at its’ best on the gorgeous summer day you greet James outside a bustling bar for your first date. You’d come across James’ profile after signing up on Tinder for the first time at the prompting of your girlfriends.  At first glance, he is the ideal match for you. He seemed intelligent, 30 years old, worked out regularly to keep fit, had a full-time job, and was a family man. There were no glaring red flags, so you swiped right. Your conversation in the app was a bit boring, but you figured it was more due to the medium of your interactions than the man himself. So you set up a date, picking a bar in a popular area of the city, and dolling yourself up in the prettiest sundress you own, a violet number that swishes to the middle of your thighs.

It was the best of times, the worst of crimes I struck a match and blew your mind But I didn't mean it and you didn’t see it

If only he didn’t open his mouth as you sat at a table and began to get to know one another. The first indicator that James was too good to be true was when he ordered you a gin and tonic without asking you what you liked. And then there was the conversation. All he could talk about was himself, his ex-girlfriend, and, shockingly, his mother. If he wasn’t chatting your ear off about the paragon of virtue and perfection that his ex was, he was talking about his mama and how he ached, longed, and pined to find somebody to do for him what she did for his dad and their family. From what you could gather, the man had a borderline uncomfortably close relationship with his mother. He'd even mentioned needing his mom to hold his hand for his yearly physical. It had been over an hour, and he hadn’t asked you one question about yourself! Needing a break, you excused yourself, alluding to refreshing your drink, and made your way to the bar. 

I wanted to leave him, I needed a reason "X" marks the spot where we fell apart He poisoned the well, I was lyin' to myself

The bar was packed as expected for a Friday night in San Diego. The crush of people pressed you up against the countertop. The bartenders rushed from end to end, filling out drink orders at lightning speed. You finally managed to order an Old-Fashioned and were waiting patiently for the bartender to come back with your drink, idly playing with your phone and desperately counting the minutes until you could say goodbye to your date for the night.

"One Old-Fashioned," came the harried bartender's call as she passed the cut crystal glass over the bar top towards you.

"Thanks," You chirp, praying your smile isn't as pained as you feel.

“Thanks, darlin'," is also the response from the man on your right as his hand closes over yours and the amber drink in the glass.

I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed

"O-oh!" you gasp. "Sorry, it's a zoo in here. We must have ordered the same thing!" You release the glass into his grasp.

"An old-fashioned, huh?" He enquires in a deliciously Texan twang. The rest of him is just as delicious, from the emerald eyes, the dirty blonde hair, the cut jaw with a toothpick pressed between thin lips, and the broad shoulders in a polo just a shade darker than his arresting eyes. He's tall, too, at least six feet, and for once, you don't feel like a child looking up at him. Instead, you feel positively delicate in his shadow.

"Yup," You chirp, "I needed something strong to get through what has to be the worst date I've been on in my life."

“A bad date, huh?” His voice is warm and slightly husky. While you usually wouldn’t engage with a man trying to chat with you in a bar, there’s something about this one that draws your attention.

“Yes,” you nod shyly, “it’s been terrible. But I’m sure you’ve got something better to do than hear about the bad date experience of someone you’ve just met.”

“And what,” he asks, turning the toothpick in his mouth end over end, “better thing do you think I have to do?”

Some foreign confidence inhibits you as you take a sip from the glass he places in your hand, letting the liquid slip lazily down your throat as you examine the bar around you.

“Are you sure one of those girls over there isn’t a better companion for your night?” you ask, gesturing towards a group of girls wearing skimpy dresses, sky-high heels, and sashes. They’re each holding a flute of champagne while drunkenly giggling and dancing at the edge of the dance floor. They must be a bachelorette party if the tiara and glitter are leading you right. “They look like they’d be perfect for giving you the good time you’re looking for.”

“And what would you say,” he smirks, grabbing the glass back from you and taking a swig of his own, “if I say I would like nothing more than to know exactly what it is about Mr. Average over there that’s got you all hot-n-bothered? And not in a good way, at that?”

“I’d say, another Old-Fashioned, and you’re on.” From the delight on his face, as he flags down another bartender and orders your drinks, you can see that he’s just as excited to have your full attention as you are to have his. Your decision is made even easier as you lean against the counter and peer through the crowd looking for James. You’re not even a bit surprised to see his attention on his phone in the way it hadn’t been on you when you’d been sitting across the small table from him.

It’s only a few minutes before a pair of fresh Old-Fashioneds are slid your way, and bright green eyes impale you. Taking a sip to fortify yourself, you tell him the whole sordid tale, from swiping right on Tinder to James’ idealized relationship with his ex and his codependent one with his mother. Your drink is long gone by the time you finish, and you’re fiddling with a slim straw as the last words leave you in a rush. It’s a shock to your system when a hand grasps yours.

"A pretty little thing like you shouldn't have to deal with bad dates. A man should be thanking his lucky stars for getting to take a beautiful girl like you to a place like this," the stranger purrs. 

"Smooth," you chuckle, somehow still intrigued despite having been cursing men not long before. "Now I'm just counting the minutes until it's polite for me to make an excuse to walk out of here as fast as I possibly can, and then I never have to see him again." 

"Well, sweetheart," he grins conspiratorially, "I think you've made your feelings perfectly clear already." At your questioning hum, he continues, "Seeing as how you're holding a stranger's hand at the bar and all."

You squeak in response and extricate your hand from the heat of his large palm and long, calloused fingers, face hot and cheeks flushed.

"I'm so sorry!" You apologize profusely. The handsome stranger's eyes seem amused and all-knowing as he bats down every apology spilling from your maroon lips.  Finally, he takes one step further into your space, his hand curling around your hip in a tender caress that sends heat rocketing through you.

"Tell you what, sweetheart." the hot puffs of breath into your ear send a shudder down your spine. "If the date is as bad as you say it is, I'll drive the getaway car. But first, why don’t we show him what he’s had and still missed all night?"

You're transfixed, peering up into sage green pools. This proposition will likely be a better end to the night than anything you expected. Better, definitely, than going home, changing into your pajamas, eating ice cream out of the carton, and venting on the phone to whichever one of your girls can lend a sympathetic ear.

One nod is all it takes. Your handsome stranger drags you out from your sheltered spot at the bar, making his way to the small dance floor. He twirls you around on the dance floor, song after song, in front of the table you were sitting at with your date. At first, you’re worried, not wanting a confrontation between your handsome stranger and James. But as the songs transition, you realize that you’re smiling and laughing outright, all tension dissipated in the heat of his calloused hands on you. Mr. Handsome, as you’ve dubbed him in your head, is a fighter pilot for the US Navy with a dry sense of humor that has you in paroxysms of glee. As you glide across the dance floor, you share information about yourself too. It’s gratifying to hear that he’s as devoted to his job as you are to yours.

It takes a fellow bar patron pointing the two of you out before James notices. As Mr. Handsome twirls you in a spin that wouldn’t have been out of place in Dancing With the Stars, you can see James’ face grow redder and redder.  

Mr. Handsome notices too, and with one final spin, as he clutches you close enough that you can feel the solid muscle of him against your body, he smirks out, “I’ve got you, gorgeous girl. He’s not going to touch one hair on this pretty head. And,” tone growing dark, in a growl that reduces your knees to jelly, “he’ll have to get through me to do that.” 

The song, something peppy that you couldn’t name even if you’d heard it hundreds of times before, finally draws to a close. James’ temper looks to have reached a boiling point, and just as he rises from his seat to stomp over, Mr. Handsome whisks you away, grabbing your purse in one hand as you walk past the table, with one smug wink in the man's direction. 

It was the great escape, the prison break The light of freedom on my face

You can faintly hear James' angry voice screaming, ordering you to come back, but you could care less, wholly enchanted as you are with the beautiful man holding your hand. He throws open the door to his truck in the parking lot and helps you in, and in short order, you're peeling out of the parking lot with James trying and failing to run after you.

While he was runnin' after us, I was screamin', "Go, go, go!"

The mood is light, sitting in the car after you both made your escape. The windows are down, and some country song blares lowly from the speakers. Mr. Handsome’s a chiaroscuro of color in the play of the moonlight on his skin. Every few moments, you see his eyes glance your way as if curious as to why you picked him. Finally, he pulls onto a hilltop overlooking the city and turns off the car. 

Ridin' in a getaway car There were sirens in the beat of your heart

In the silence of the summer night, any tension left in you finally drains away. It’s still a shock when he finally speaks, breaking the peace, “You know, it’s only polite to tip your getaway car driver.” 

You don’t even have to look to know there is a smug smile on his mouth. You also don’t need a mirror to know you’re flushed with the same heat he’d kept on your face all night thus far.

“Tips? Tips weren’t included in our agreement. I only remember agreeing to you driving the getaway car and showing James what he’d been missing all… night … long.” Each word dripping from your burgundy lips is punctuated by the slow glide of your fingers from his palms up his arms. Two can play the seductive game, after all. You can’t help the satisfaction on your face at seeing the blonde adonis sitting beside you, gazing back at you. 

“I’m Jake, Jake Seresin,” your handsome stranger, now Jake, introduces himself. You return the favor, gratified at the sight of his plush lips mouthing your name like he is relishing the shape of you on his tongue. The conversation, unsurprisingly, is as organic as it was when you were both whirling around on the dance floor in that bar a world away. You learn things about Jake that you’re sure he hasn’t told anyone else, just as you tell him things you haven’t told anyone too. When you finally glance at your phone, it’s well past midnight, and San Diego is aglow out of the windshield. 

“It’s past midnight,” you murmur, voice scratchy after hours of conversation and laughter.

“How was that for your first date in a long time?” Jake posits, eyes hooded, and long limbs languid as they stretch before him.

“Pretty good,” you respond, captivated again by the glow of his eyes in the moonlight. “The getaway driving was the highlight of the night after all. The only thing left is to go home and maybe get a kiss goodnight. You game?” There’s a twinkle of mischief in your eyes and an equally mischievous glint in Jake’s. 

“Well, darlin’,” he groans, “I can do you one better. I can kiss you now, sitting in this car, and taste that gorgeous mouth now and then again on your doorstep. What do you say?”

Your grin is perhaps over-eager as you haul yourself into his lap and finally, desperately kiss him like some part of you had been aching to since you left the bar. He takes the lead fairly soon, cradling you against his chest like you’re everything precious in his life. The kisses finally peter off into presses of lips against any exposed skin, gentle and sweet. You can feel the thundering beat of his heart under your hand and soft puffs of breath against the top of your head,

A sinking feeling seeps into you as Jake deposits you carefully back in the passenger seat with a kiss on your forehead and helps you buckle your seatbelt up again. Things are quiet as he navigates you home, the silence punctuated only with long, heat-filled glances and the voice of the GPS taking you home. Too soon, the truck pulls up in front of your house.

“This is me,” you say, injecting false levity in your tone, sad to be leaving Jake when you’d just found him. Jake is the requisite gentleman who lopes around the front of his truck to open the door and help you out. You walk to the door hand in hand, clinging desperately to the feelings of comfort and affection Jake had created in you in one magical evening. 

“Jake,” you peer up at him, playing with his fingers, “before that goodnight kiss you promised me. What are the likelihoods you’d want to do something like this with me again?”

“Chances, pretty girl,” he’s grinning now, something softer and sweeter than the smirk he’d leveled at James hours ago, “are pretty damned good. But first, I’d need your phone number. It’s the only reliable way I know of to get in touch with you again, after all.”

You nod, digging your phone out of your purse, unlocking it, and handing it to him. Phone number saved, Jake slips the phone back into your bag. He then tips your face up, hands gently splayed across your jaw as he feathers the promised goodnight kiss across your lips, the apples of both cheeks, and your forehead. He then presses one final kiss against your lips, a kiss potent enough to make your legs weak, and then steps back, smiling from ear to ear as he watches you unlock your door with shaking hands.

“Text me, gorgeous girl!” 

Those are the last words you hear as you step into your dark house and lock the door behind you.  A ridiculous dopy, giddy grin dances across your lips at the thought of Jake Seresin wanting to see you again. They always say, "No, nothin' good starts in a getaway car," but as you fall asleep in your bed that night with a text zipping through the night air to him, you know that Jake Seresin will be different. You have this sneaking suspicion that he thinks the same of you.

I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE MY WORK POSTED, TRANSLATED, OR PUBLISHED ON ANY SITES OTHER THAN HERE OR ON AO3 BY ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HERE OR AO3, THEN THEY HAVE BEEN POSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND I WILL BE WORKING TO TAKE THEM DOWN.

[maybeimamuppet]

matildamas day 6: getting the christmas tree

helloooo and welcome to day six!! halfway through already jeepers!! i also just realized how inconsistently i’ve been titling these so apologies for that!!

anyway. enjoy day six!!

—————

“Matilda!” Jenny calls after her daughter as she runs through the rows of trees as best as she can in the nearly knee-deep (to Matilda, at least) snow. “Matilda, dear, slow down!”

“Just look at them all!” Matilda yells back, holding her arms out to her sides and spinning around in a circle like a ballerina in a music box. “They’re all so beautiful.”

Jenny pants to catch her breath as she catches up with her. “They are, aren’t they?”

Matilda nods and tenderly runs a finger over some sweet-smelling branches. “I’ve never smelled a real Christmas tree before, isn’t it delightful? My old parents always just had an artificial tree.”

“It is a lovely smell,” Jenny agrees. “Artificial trees don’t tend to drop as many needles, though.”

“Oh, but you can just feel the spirit in these!” Matilda says. “Real trees are so much nicer.”

“I’m glad you’re excited,” Jenny chuckles. “Let’s go on a little bit, these are a bit small.” Matilda sets to take off again. “At a reasonable speed, Matilda.”

“Fine,” Matilda huffs. “I suppose going slow is better for seeing the details anyway.”

“It is. If you rush everywhere you’ll miss the trees for the forest,” Jenny hums. Matilda gently slips a little mittened hand into hers. Jenny gives it a squeeze as they walk to the next size of trees.

Matilda looks around when they make it to the ones that are a bit taller. Jenny notices the almost solemn look on her face, and she frowns. “What’s the matter? You were dancing around a second ago.”

“We have to cut it down to take it home,” Matilda says quietly. “I don’t like the idea of picking one to… kill.”

“Oh,” Jenny agrees softly.

“The smell only lasts so long, and I don’t want to pick one to hack it to death.”

Jenny chuckles. “Have we had a change of heart?”

Matilda looks up at the tall tree and shakes her head. “No. It hasn’t changed, I just only noticed how I felt now.”

Jenny laughs. “Fair enough. Tell you what, they sell sachets that smell just like real trees at the counters up front. What do you say we get a few of those and go to the shops for a fake tree?”

Matilda turns around to look at her and nods with a massive, bright smile on her face. Jenny smiles back and takes her hand again to lead them back to the front of the tree farm. It was a short visit, but quite pleasant.

—————

They go to the store the following day to pick out an artificial tree. They bought enough of the scented pouches to make their entire house smell like Christmas until Matilda is in university, so Matilda was contented with that and leaving all the real trees in the ground where they belong.

This shop has all sorts. They both tip their heads curiously at one that’s completely upside down, apparently intentionally so. One is a rainbow so bright it makes their eyes ache a bit, though it is fun. Others have torsos to make the trees look like they’re wearing dresses.

“Oh, look at this one!” Matilda coos eagerly.

“Matilda, dear, that’s twenty feet tall,” Jenny chuckles.

“But it’s beautiful,” Matilda says.

“It is, but our ceilings are only fifteen feet,” Jenny replies. Matilda deflates a bit.

“Oh yeah.”

“They have more like it that will actually fit in our house,” Jenny says. “Look at these here, what about one of these?”

Matilda twirls her way through them, considering all the medium-sized trees carefully from every angle. Jenny gets a bit dizzy as she watches her flit from one to the other and back again over and over and over and -

Jenny shakes her head and turns around for a moment, carefully examining a branch of one through a dizzy haze.

“I like this one,” Matilda says after a long time. Jenny shakes her head one last time and heads to her side.

The tree is just barely small enough to fit into their house, and Jenny knows they’ll have a hard time fitting the topper on, but it is beautiful. The ‘leaves’ are a rich, dark green, covered in fluffy white fake snow that clings to the branches. A few tiny red holly berries are speckled around the thing, all coalescing into the image of a tall, old pine caught in a snowstorm and lovingly brought home.

“Oh, it’s lovely,” Jenny says. “Shall we get this one?”

Matilda smiles up at the tip-top of it and nods happily.

“You’re absolutely certain?” Jenny asks, just to double check. Matilda nods again. “Alright then, let’s go find it.”

Matilda checks the tag dangling from one of the branches and memorizes the item number. They head for the trees that are boxed up and ready to take home in the aisles of the shop and hunt for one with the right number. “Here it is!”

“Wow,” Jenny says when she sees the size of the box Matilda is trying to tug off a low shelf with all her might. “Careful, love, don’t hurt yourself.”

With a bit of help from Jenny the box slides off the shelf and to the ground with a dull thud. They both pause a moment and look at the large thing they have to deal with now.

“Um.” is Matilda’s only advice.

Jenny is in a similar boat. “Hm…”

“I’ll go ask if they have a phone we can use and give Mrs. Phelps a ring,” Matilda says. Jenny nods.

“Mind strangers, but go ahead. Thank you, lamb.”

Matilda just nods and goes running through the store towards the cash registers. Jenny is left alone with the box on the ground and tries to use her knowledge of physics to see if there’s any possible way the two of them could really carry it home without having to bother Mrs. Phelps. Somehow, the process of actually getting the tree home completely slipped her mind. And Matilda’s, which is arguably more shocking.

She’s started wondering if Matilda’s telekinesis might return on this one occasion when the girl herself comes running back. “She laughed a lot, but she said she’ll be here in ten minutes.”

“I’m sure she did,” Jenny chuckles in response. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of how we’d get it home.”

“I was just excited to have a tree, I didn’t think of that bit either.”

Jenny smiles at her. “Well, if our rescue shows up in a timely manner, you’ll have an absolutely beautiful first tree.”

“We’ll,” Matilda corrects softly. Jenny nods.

“We’ll have an absolutely beautiful first tree.”

They sit on the ground next to it and wait. Matilda sits in Jenny’s lap with one arm resting protectively over the box of their tree.

True to her word, Mrs. Phelps arrives in all her spectacular glory in as close to ten minutes as they could’ve hoped for. She’s changed the berries on her hat for holly and the bird for a styrofoam partridge in celebration of the season, even though she doesn’t celebrate any holidays this month. That combined with her thick down coat and wool mittens creates quite the visage that appears at the end of the aisle.

“Hello, dearies,” she greets warmly. “Let me see this tree then.”

“This way,” Matilda says, leaping up and taking her by the hand to show her the display one she’d picked and leaving Jenny behind. Jenny leans back against the cold metal shelves and takes a deep breath. Her daughter and the librarian return after a mere moment. “Well, you’ve picked a good one. I’ve got the bus parked outside, if you lot are ready to go.”

Matilda nods and starts trying to pick the box up. When that doesn’t work, she tries to drag it. That only results in her toppling over backwards and lying in a defeated sprawl on the ground. Jenny leans over her with a chuckle and offers her hands to help her up. “Let us get it going, you can help once we’ve got it off the ground, hm?”

Matilda accepts the hands with a quiet grumble about her telekinesis coming in handy, echoing what Jenny was thinking earlier. She and Mrs. Phelps hoist the large box up and rest it on their shoulders to carry to the check-out area. Matilda tries to help, but can’t quite reach. She chases after them, jumping the whole way, and eventually settles for standing in between the two adults with her arms straight up in the air; little fingertips just barely brushing the cardboard.

Matilda eyes the cashier carefully, almost suspiciously, as the transaction happens. The walking process is repeated as they carry their newly purchased tree out of the store and into the bus. Matilda sits next to it the whole drive home, carefully adjusting it so it doesn’t slide into anything and get damaged.

Mrs. Phelps helps them get it into their house once they’ve got it home, and leaves with two hugs and a fond, “See you soon!”

Matilda helps Jenny push the box into the sitting room. Matilda gets to very carefully slice through the tape and open the top of the box. She squeals when she sees the tree inside, in all its plastic glory. Jenny can’t help but feel quite similar, but not wholly at the tree itself.

They spend the evening putting it up, snapping all the pieces together and separating the branches. Some of the powdered snow comes off on their hands, and the branches are rather prickly. But, after a couple of hours, they have a beautiful, tall, majestic tree in their front room. Matilda dances around it in glee. “Our tree!”

“What do you think?” Jenny asks when Matilda pitches herself at her and winds her little arms around her waist. Jenny rests a hand on the back of her head and the other on her upper back. “Does it look as nice as it did in the store?”

Matilda stays tightly wound around Jenny, but she turns her face to see their Christmas tree. “Better.

“This one is ours.”

—————

hope you enjoyed!! see you tomorrow :))

[erstwhilesparrow]

hello it's time to make a list again, i like making lists about martyn 3rd life.

watched the beheading today. it's so good. i love that the in-game chat is crucial to what they're doing here, that ren goes "we need to send a serious message to everyone at once" and the message that they send is an in-game death message!! you cannot get away from death in this series!! you cannot get away from the fact that this is a video game!!

additionally really important to me that martyn: (1) clearly cuts from [other shenanigans] to the beheading and then also has a clear cut at the end of that scene, (2) turns off his facecam for the whole thing, and (3) keeps the grayscale filter on throughout. the deliberate separation of that moment from everything else!! he immediately goes back to being himself after -- he kind of doesn't ever stop being himself -- but Something Important Is Happening Here.

(although. also. facecam acting. i just generally think it's nice when they Use The Medium.)

and then IMMEDIATELY after the beheading ren makes like he's going to attack martyn and martyn bolts. yeah yeah test of loyalty, bonds between us forged in blood, what happens on this server will change us forever, but also. 3rd life martyn is fundamentally skittish and paranoid and a bit of a coward <3 (which also makes his unwavering dedication to getting the dogwarts banner back -- a thing even he is surprised he is doing in the moment! -- all the more compelling) (and additionally am Feeling A Way about ren admitting that after he punched martyn, he did think martyn might kill him; ren might have in martyn's position. they are not... sure of themselves yet. i am tender about this too.)

hey so i forgot that ren said the first dogwarts banner they made is red from the blood dripping down the fabric.

because i am a parody of myself, i did make a note of when skizz shows up shortly after the beheading and decides he's gonna trust martyn, because "you're [ren's] boy."

because i am a parody of myself part 2: martyn+ren visit jimmy+scott to 'demand tribute' and there's some Really crunchy green-red character dynamics. jimmy, crouched, holding his sword, approaches ren and scott immediately goes (paraphrased) "jimmy, jimmy, come back, don't go near him." martyn, meanwhile, says something, gets corrected by ren, and says something like "sorry, i won't speak out of line again." rotating at high speeds thoughts about who has who on a leash in each of the red-green alliances of 3rd life.

i don't know whether this is anything as far as parallels go, there are much more solid things to draw on if you really wanted to do this, but consider: (1) ren proposes the hobbits come to the blackheart alter to have ren+martyn swear allegiance to them, and martyn crouches close to jimmy and goes, approximately, "yeah no i had a scary time at the blackheart altar just now, you should not go." he says it in a way where he kind of sounds like he's joking but he is also saying it. it doesn't come up again. and (2) grian waving scar ahead and then turning to impulse and hissing, approximately, "do not trust scar, he is going to kill everyone," and then scar comes back to see where grian went. they walk away from impulse together and once they're out of prox range, scar says, "you're right, i will kill them all." (grian starts laughing.)

related to the above if you squint: shoutout to ren for trying to threaten/coerce scott, realizing scott will not be convinced by this, and switching to threatening jimmy <3

hey. hi. i regret to inform you i have a great softness in my heart. and i have this softness specifically for jimmy adamantly refusing to go to blackheart altar because, he claims, ren+martyn will force him to get up on the altar, look scott in the eyes, and sacrifice him.

i will probably have more to say about [scott insisting on continuing negotiations until he gets to come out of it having cemented a more positive reputation for himself] once i'm done his 3rd life pov, but for right now, thinking about scott offering tango a 'deal' re: who they will or won't tell about tango's cows well after tango has resigned himself to them just taking the cows, and also thinking about, while jimmy threatens/antagonizes martyn+ren, scott ends the talk with ren by saying that to honour their past friendship, he'll give ren back the rabbit foot like ren originally asked for. scott smajor. i have feelings about you.

and now for some desert duo: really charmed by grian noticing ren+martyn have the dogwarts shields and saying to scar, plaintively, "they've got matching shields! why don't we have matching shields?"

and now for some desert duo part 2: scar surrounded by dogwarts people when he tries to steal the banner. one of them saying, "Yeah, he's on his own," and Scar saying, "Am I on my own now, Grian?" (grian is in fact Right There.)

[heckinconfusedparade]

Prompt movie Sonic gets a sword

Never let Sonic have an Amazon account. Not even EBay or Wish. He will find a way to impulsively spend his good boy grandma money on random things.

He saw that sword and went “oh that looks cool! Gimmie!” And a week later a package arrives for him on the doorstep while his parents weren’t home.

Sonic unboxes it, his brothers watching in anticipation for whatever their beloved blue bro spent his money and had shipped to their house this time.

The shiny case glistens in the attic light, begging to be opened. Sonic opens the case and finds the most beautiful silver sword, with a royal blue handle and golden linings. He carefully lifts it out of the case.

Tails and Knuckles stare in awe.

“Wait..Sonic? That’s not real, is it?” Tails asks, suddenly concerned.

Sonic laughs “no! I don’t think so!” Knuckles gives it a better look “SONIC THAT IS A REAL SWORD”

“what?? No..” the hedgehog in denial runs his fingertip on the blade, accidentally slicing his glove and a bit of his finger. He’s so glad he didn’t press harder, or that would’ve been a trip to the doctor for sure. He hisses in pain and takes his glove off “..well that hurt!”

Tails rushes to find a first aid kit. Knuckles is inspecting the injury “you stupid hedgehog look what you’ve done! You have to be more careful.”

“Chill out, Knux! I’m not dying!”

Tails returns with some bandages and wipes. Sonic patches himself up.

The sword is put back in its case.

For now.

Knuckles gets a text from his friends asking him to hang out. He goes to the door and puts his shoes on “I am going to meet my friends. Do not do anything stupid.”

“Ok!” Says Tails.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Sonic waves his brother off. Knuckles growls “Sonic I am serious.”

Sonic makes eye contact “yeah, I heard you! It’s gonna be ok.”

Knuckles leaves, unsure. He has a bad feeling.

That feeling was correct.

As soon as he’s out the door, Sonic is taking his sword back out. Tails snaps to look at Sonic “what are you doing?? He said not to do anything stupid!” “He’s not our mom! Or dad!” Sonic says handling his sword with much more care than he was before “hey Tails.. let’s set some things up in the backyard. Let’s see how powerful this thing is.”

Tails jumps at the opportunity for any experiment. He sets up hanging sheets of papers varying in density and toughness. He also sets up a couple dummies who have a clear soft shell protecting them to substitute flesh. Don’t ask where he got these.

Tails also gives Sonic some tougher gloves so he won’t hurt his hand again. Tails gets his clipboard to record his findings.

Sonic swipes at the thin paper. The cut is clean and had no resistance to the blade.

Then the medium density paper. Again, the cut is clean with no resistance. Sonic and Tails look at each other. This is impressive!

Then the dense paper. Clean cut, and very little resistance. Sonic looks towards the dummies. He wonders how this will affect him mentally. Oh well!

He slashes the first dummy. There’s resistance, but the blade cuts through the “flesh” easily. Sonic delivers a few more slashes, nearly beheading the thing, and making its chest look like a bear got to it.

Sonic exhales. So this is what a rage room feels like!

Tails tells Sonic to slash the second dummy while running.

Sonic charges at full speed, seining the blade.

The dummy is cut in half.

The brothers are in shock. “Sonic, you..” “TAILS I KILLED THE DUMMY.” “THATS WAY PAST COOL” “RIGHT??”

“SONIC!”

The brothers look at the gate. Knuckles stands there looking pissed.

Sonic gives a sheepish smile “uhh… h-howdy-doo, Knuckie-poo?”

“Sonic what did I tell you?”

“Not to be stupid? We weren’t being stupid. We were being smart and experimenting.”

Knuckles holds his temples. The sword is now taken away and put back in its case. Knuckles is going to hang onto it.

Tails and Sonic are upset the fun is over, but meh, it was fun while it lasted.

When Tom and Maddie come home, Sonic hands Tom his glove “dad, can you sew the finger back together please?”

“Sure. What happened?”

“I accidentally cut my glove with a sword.”

“you did W H A T-“

[brookebellamy]

BookTok Needs to Read the Room

by Brooke Bellamy

As a fanfic community, we don’t leave negative, snotty comments in the same way we don’t criticize our kid’s volunteer soccer coach. Well, I suppose some people do but at least that’s commonly understood to be in poor taste to publicly ridicule someone contributing their time, effort and talents to the community for free.

Full blog below the cut but I'd super duper appreciate it if you consider checking it out for free on medium 🙏

Why We Shouldn’t Hate on Fanfic Writers

Spend no less than five minutes with me and you’ll probably — whether you want to or not — be brought up to speed on the latest fandom drama happening in my discord servers or Twitter groupchats.

I’m a fangirl, it’s exactly what it says on the can. I’m a copywriter by day and by night an avid creator and connoisseur of fanfiction — these days mostly about TOP GUN (yes, that TOP GUN) but it tends to vary on a semi-yearly basis.

I get my kicks in weird ways and yet I’m far from alone in that.

Beyond the movies and the characters, I’m interested in fandom as a whole or as we like to call it fandom meta.

The unspoken rules of this wacky subculture dating back to the 1960s. Watching beloved or controversial fanfics get pulled off the web, reworked and eventually published as independent stories in their own right. The constant push and pull against a mainstream that is becoming increasingly aware of something that used to be a shame-filled, hidden hobby only for the nerdiest of the nerds.

Enter, Stage Right: BookTok

Fanfic going somewhat mainstream is thanks in no small part to TikTok, specifically BookTok — the community that reviews and discusses published romance novels. I’m not really a member of that community but from what I’ve gathered BookTok is mostly made up of millennial women who voraciously consume books of varying degrees of quality and really, really, really care about the sex. Or, to use their own lingo, spice.

Like they’re almost getting a little weird about it, not gonna lie.

To an outsider, though I hardly should be considered one, BookTok seems to be a somewhat spiritual successor to the “Mommy Porn” craze that swept through the country with 50 Shades of Grey — the most famous example of a fanfiction (originally about Twilight) that was repurposed into a full-fledged novel.

But I digress.

I’m a creator on FandomTok which naturally brushes up quite a bit with my cousins over on the published, professional side of the street. It’s a mostly peaceful co-existence, but it is TikTok so it also can be a fucking nightmare.

Case in point: I opened up the app last week and was immediately bombarded by a presumably millennial woman from BookTok ranting about how much she hated a popular Harry Potter fanfiction.

I didn’t read the fic she’s talking about but from what I can gather it takes place after the books conclude and focuses on a tumultuous love affair between Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy. That would be Emma Watson and Tom Felton for the non-stans.

Now, I’m no Harry Potter fan. Quite the opposite, actually.

Some of my earliest and most deeply unpleasant childhood memories are that of older cousins chasing me around our grandparents’ house yelling all sorts of spells and Potter-lingo at me. I’m also pretty sure I got locked in a cabinet at one point — but that’s a story for another day.

So it goes without saying: I’m no fan of J.K. Rowling, her work or her vitriolic hate speech against trans people.

However I do live, breathe and love fanfiction and so that means my support has to extend to the Potterheads and their stories as well.

So back to the video, I’ll give you the TLDR:

OP is upset that she’s spent so much time on what she feels to be a very overhyped fanfiction. She doesn’t typically read fic and so she’s confused and angry as to why the writer changed so much of the plot. She thinks it’s an unrealistic story, that its readers have poor taste and she’s mad that the fanfic’s writer killed off Harry.

She also reduces the entire 380,000 word story into being only about sex, despite it being heavily based on the gender-based oppression and violence that takes place in The Handmaid’s Tale.

OP concludes the first of a series of videos on this singular fanfic by proclaiming that a real Harry Potter fan would never tolerate something like this.

I watched just 10 seconds of the video before I had to put my phone down from seeing red.

Eventually, I watched it all the way through, left a couple of angry comments, made a few video responses of my own and eventually blocked her because I can’t stand internet beef with people engaging in an argument in deliberately poor faith.

But I’m still really annoyed about it, if it’s not obvious.

OP’s video has about 30k views at the time of my writing this. That might not seem like too much for an app that regularly sees content explode with 15 million views, so let me reframe it for you:

Imagine you and a friend dined at a massively successful Italian restaurant (I’m talking reservations a month in advance at a minimum). You loved it so much you spent weeks thinking about the pasta and how much you wanted to go back for more. But the restaurant is popular for a reason and so you couldn’t get another reservation. After a while you decided to try your hand at recreating some of the dishes at home. You even opted to have a little fun and throw in your own take on it. You spent a long time researching the ingredients, practicing your technique and ended up with a final dish that you were quite proud of. In fact, you were so proud of and excited by your creation that you invited that same friend over to try it one night. For some inexplicable reason, she was visibly angered at the invite. She told you that you were wasting your time trying to recreate the magic from the restaurant, but she showed up for dinner anyway. Empty handed, of course. Not even a cheap bottle of wine for your trouble. She took the first bite, gagged, announced she hated it and then for some reason decided to power through your entire meal. Literally licked the. plate. clean. She then stood up and left your house without a word of thanks or even a goodbye. And then the next day you got a notification from TikTok that she made ten minutes worth of videos about how shit your cooking is, and her videos reached enough people to fill up Madison Square Garden one and a half times.

And that analogy, though long-winded, still isn’t even perfect. In reality, the fic author didn’t invite OP to read the story; OP found it on her own.

So really it’s like your friend barged into your kitchen, took a bite of your pasta and then put you on blast for having a bland sauce.

Words (And Where We Say Them) Matter

30,000 views certainly isn’t viral, but it’s enough to drastically alter the fanfic writer’s creative experience. It’s enough to ruin the magic for a devoted fan just trying to have fun and write a little story about their favorite characters smooching.

The disgust and anger OP brought to table is shocking and in blatant disregard for the fic writing community’s golden rule:

If you don’t like, don’t read.

There’s a ton of other fandom colloquial terms — don’t yuck my yums is a particular favorite of mine — but they all mean more or less the same thing.

Don’t be a hater. Don’t spoil the fun. Don’t hurt anyone. Don’t be cruel in this space intended for creativity, community and friendship.

BookTok is increasingly diving into the wonderful, wacky world of fanfic and yet many of creators refuse to learn the unique culture and norms that have existed for decades.

For instance, it’s not an uncommon phenomenon for a single nasty comment to stop a fanfic in its tracks. That may sound like a hypersensitive author, but I argue:

Non-consensual criticism has no place in fanfiction.

I say non-consensual because in fandom we do actually have protocols for critiques. A beta read is a common term for a peer review, where the writer actively seeks out feedback from another writer to improve grammar, story structure, etc. However, this is a closed, private exchange between two community members that have established trust and connection — it’s a safe space.

Fanfiction that is deemed harmful or even dangerous is also fair game, though we tend to keep our commentary mostly to things like:

“This story contains sexual violence that was not properly tagged, please update the tags ASAP so not to trigger others”

When we post, of course we know that technically we’re opening ourselves up to the internet. However, I’m not blasting my quirky little Iron Man stories to the front page of Medium. I’m sharing it with a relatively small, somewhat isolated community filled with others who also happen to like quirky little stories about Iron Man.

For instance, it’s very common for fics to conclude with brief send-offs like:

“This was my first time writing from Peeta’s pov, so be nice please 🙏” “I wrote this for my friend’s birthday — I hope her day is as happy as Edward and Bella ended up here!!!” “English isn’t my first language and I’m not from the UK so apologies if any of the stuff about the train station or taxi cab seems a little off!”

In my opinion, this is not hypersensitivity; this is a request — sometimes a plea — to be kind about amateur work and to treat it as such.

We’re Talking Your Mom’s Pickleball League, Not the NFL Here

Fanfiction is not formally published writing, even though it’s “published” on a website like Tumblr or ArchiveOfOurOwn. More times than not, the fic writer is the only person that has eyes on the draft before the story goes live.

It doesn’t receive thorough review from a publisher. It doesn’t go through rounds and rounds of edits and comment periods like a professional writer’s work will.

Fic writers don’t receive any payment, sponsorship or credit for their work. They can’t because the entirety of fanfiction depends on writers cooperating with extremely delicate copyright laws — a fascinating topic I’ll probably elaborate on at some point.

There is literally nothing to be gained by writing and sharing fanfiction beyond the personal satisfaction and pride in contributing to your community’s collective joy.

Old Men Yells At Cloud, Harry Potter Edition

As a fanfic community, we don’t leave negative, snotty comments in the same way we don’t criticize our kid’s volunteer soccer coach.

Well, I suppose some people do but at least that’s commonly understood to be in poor taste to publicly ridicule someone contributing their time, effort and talents to the community for free.

I guess what I’m saying is that BookTok has some catching up to do. Or more aptly, they need to read the fucking room.

Fanfiction is a labor of love — by fans, for fans

If you don’t like a story, just scroll on by. Certainly don’t double down and read 380k of a story you hated in the first three paragraphs.

And if you think it’s so easy to write a “good” story, well then maybe you should give it a try before hating on the writers that are brave enough to share their work with the community.

And so finally, a speed run just a handful of OP and other BookToker’s concerns because if I don’t formally address these points I will lose my goddamn mind:

You guys were okay with the author just blatantly changing things? The mannerisms, the deaths?

Yes, that’s the whole fucking point of a fanfiction. Maverick and Iceman don’t actually kiss in the movies but they sure as hell do when I’m in charge.

What post-apocalyptic world would this ever happen realistically?

Are we really nitpicking the practicality of a post-9/11 wizarding world?

I’m sorry but this story sucked. Here’s a list of my Did-Not-Finish fanfics

Did-Not-Finish (DNF) lists are a popular tool used by BookTokers intended to help their audiences save money and avoid splurging on books they probably won’t jive with.

DNF lists have no place in fanfic because there is no money to save.

If you were a true Harry Potter fan, this would not fly.

No, no. If you were a true fan, you’d embrace your community members and uplift the storytellers that are keeping the magic alive for us all.

---

if you made it this far, thanks! consider checking me out on medium for other blog posts on fandom, pop culture and more :)

[tooaverageofagamer]

REVIEW: Cult of the Lamb - Massive Monster

Release Date: 11 August 2022 Available: PC, Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Xbox One, and Xbox Series X/S. Genre: Indie, 2D, rogue-like, dungeon crawler, management simulator. Review Length: Medium (~1.4K words) Review Spoilers: Mild

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Story

You begin your story in Cult of the Lamb as a little lamb (informally named 'Lambert' by the community), the last of their kind, by being executed by The Bishops of the 'old faith'. You avoid the end of your life because of an imprisoned, banished deity known as 'The One Who Waits' who promises to resurrect you if you make a deal, where it’s now your goal to free him from his imprisonment chains by The Bishops. 'The One Who Waits' gifts you a demonic crown to hold and bring forth your powers.

You partake in rouge crusades through different 'Lands of False Prophets', to defeat the four Bishops to free the disgraced to whom you owe your life.

In the name of 'The One Who Waits', you form a cult, gathering followers and proving that you can manage this cult by providing for your follower's needs. Practising rituals to favour your followers and your own gameplay technique, to further gain the power to roll and cut through The Bishops' lands with a steel woollen fist (hoof?).

While the game is mainly focused on its gameplay rather than its story, the plot is still enjoyable. It is a simple and straightforward story that still adds to the overall experience. As you fight deeper into the dungeon floors, you meet various unique characters. Interacting with them is always interesting, even though you might feel some are a bit similar to each other personality-wise.

Gameplay

Cult of the Lamb is a cutesy-looking, rogue-like indie game about forming and managing your own cult to gain 'devotion' from your followers to become more powerful to master your way through the main four levels available to you.

There are difficulty settings in this game, so I’ll be speaking for an “average” difficulty play-through; no zero-hit speed run attempts here!

Even with a recommendation from the game itself to play with a controller, I played with a keyboard and mouse so I’ll be speaking from that POV also.

To start off, I usually find dungeon crawler rogue likes difficult to manoeuvre, but I found Cult of the Lamb very accessible to an average gamer and even when I was frustrated at certain points, I always found myself inspired to continue on with the fight.

Weapons are provided to you in 6 main classes, Swords, Axes, Daggers, Gauntlets, and Hammers. It is total luck of the draw which weapon you are provided with at the start of a run, which some may find annoying if they believe they are more proficient in one weapon over the other, but I like to think that this way allows a player to get a feel for every class of weapon that could be thrown their way, not allowing them to feel stuck. Weapons can be swapped out during a run, depending on the randomly generated rooms and floors that the game hands you.

Curses are also provided to you at the beginning of the run and can be interchanged as the run goes on through shops and loot drops. Curses are spells that are used to cause extra damage to your enemies, poisons, pushbacks, projectiles, and more are available to unlock. There are a total of 25 curses that can be unlocked as you play.

Tarot cards are a game mechanic that makes you feel every run is different and makes you develop a strategy for every card you're dealt with. Tarot cards could provide you with extra health, damaging rolls, better loot, and much more. There are 43 tarot cards to unlock and become available as you continue your runs. You collect Tarot cards as you continue your run, from chests and from shops that are randomly generated on each floor.

Relics are introduced a little later in the game, they can be discovered in a shop or randomly from a loot chest. Relics can be recharged after use, but some relics are classed as 'fragile', indicating it's a single use.

Once you've completed a dungeon by defeating its boss, you can replace them as many times as you want, for as long as you want, as the dungeon then becomes infinite with many floors and many chances to gather valuable resources for your followers back at camp.

You have 3 save files available to you, allowing you to play many saves in different ways.

I personally found the controls a little hard to manage at the start, but thankfully at a certain point, you feel like you suddenly develop an almost muscle memory of your movements and tactics (and slightly sore fingers from long play sessions - I am weak, yes) as you flail through the dungeons. You feel like you developed multiple play styles in such a short time, that you feel like an almost above-average gamer!

If you feel overwhelmed by the mechanics I just listed, that you might feel like it would be too confusing for you to understand, do not worry - I felt the same for a little while! Once you've gotten through about 2-3 hours of gameplay, you start to feel more comfortable. Even if you don't in that rough timeframe, the game has no time limit. Take your time, and have downtime chilling with your followers!

In this downtime from your average dungeon crawling, manage your cult's stomping ground and meet interesting characters. Characters who provide you with quests to help you gain more stylish (100% polyester sadly /j) cloaks to advance your playstyle and let you sinfully gamble for a bit of extra gold. Build your campgrounds up in decorations, resource mines, burial grounds, and more with the devotion you gain from your follower's worship.

Talking about your followers, give them tasks to bear, sacrifice them, get them high, and maybe even marry your favourite! maybe marry your other 5 favourites too! Depending on the route you go with unlocking the rituals you can conduct, give your cult following the life they probably didn't want! Don't worry if they say they want to leave, just reteach them your ways in jail gentle reformation lessons!

For Twitch Streamer, Cult of the Lamb might be a good game to have your viewers feel a little bit involved in your content! Integrate your game with your Twitch account to allow you a few engaging features!

Here is a few highlights of this feature:

Viewers can use Channel Points to fill up your Twitch Totem Bar. When full you will receive a reward!

Viewers can vote to Help or Hinder events will happen automatically.

Allow viewers to enter a raffle to create your next follower. The winner can design the follower and it will display their Twitch name above the follower always.

3-Twitch exclusive follower forms become available!

Art Style/Music

The cute, cartoonish style of Cult of the Lamb is a joy to look at and experience, even with the game's slightly dark undertones, it never ruins the mood, I say it only enhances it. You might draw a few similarities with the style of Don't Starve Together by Klei Entertainment. In fact, the two developers have done crossovers in their respective games!

The coloured lighting and dark shadows shown in the game largely enhance the unknown or middle-of-nowhere feeling of your camp and the dungeons you traverse. The strong outlines of the artwork, from the bushes, the rocks, the poop, it doesn't cause any eye strain to the player.

The music in Cult of the Lamb is mystical sounding, which enhances the daunting moments, and the moments of stressful movements you have to perform. Some of the more psychedelic-sounding music might be a bit off-putting or unsettling to some players when you first hear it, but once you settle into the gameplay, the music almost drowns out over your constant internal attack planning.

My top songs from the Cult of the Lamb OST would be:

Start a Cult

Knucklebones

Silk Cradle

The Cult of the Lamb OST can be found on Spotify.

Final Comments

Cult of the Lamb can be both chill and stressful. Once you get comfortable with your multiple available playstyles, the stress almost melts off and becomes a type of determination to finish your story. I did feel the story was just over and done with suddenly once the final boss was defeated, but I wouldn't use that to discredit the other 99% of the game.

The replayability is fresh and each play-through feels new. It's a suitable game to start off with if you're not familiar with rogue-likes and want a bit of story attached to it.

Cheers,

The Average Gamer

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If you want to chat or get Spoiler-esque game insights, feel free to PM me!

[f1]

Its definitely encouraging says Leclerc of Ferraris Canadian GP turnaround as Sainz addresses team orders call

Charles Leclerc and Carlos Sainz cut positive figures after the Canadian Grand Prix as they recovered from a challenging qualifying session to score a strong haul of points for Ferrari – displaying improved tyre degradation in the process. Having struggled for tyre life earlier in the season, Leclerc and Sainz managed to go beyond the halfway mark of Sunday’s 70-lap encounter to overcut several rivals who had pitted under the early Safety Car triggered by George Russell’s crash. READ MORE: Verstappen hails ‘incredible’ milestone as he helps Red Bull hit a century of F1 wins Although Red Bull’s Max Verstappen, Aston Martin’s Fernando Alonso and Mercedes’ Lewis Hamilton were the ones to taste the Ferrari Trento on the podium, the Scuderia Ferrari pair were encouraged by the apparent progress Ferrari have made with their updated SF-23. “I think we couldn’t have done anything better,” reflected Leclerc, who dropped out in Q2 and started 10th after grid penalties were applied. “The feeling was good, the pace was quite good, so on that I’m happy. Again, starting from that far behind, that was the best we could do today.” Asked about the debrief that followed his early qualifying bath, with the Monegasque’s calls to swap intermediate tyres for slicks amid changing conditions initially being resisted by Ferrari and the switch then coming too late, Leclerc explained that the time for a deep analysis will come this week. This feature is currently not available because you need to provide consent to functional cookies. Please update your cookie preferences Race Highlights: 2023 Canadian Grand Prix “Yeah… I mean, we didn’t spend too much time on it, because we still had a race to do, which we did now, and today we must be happy about our performance, because it’s a good performance,” he commented. “The feeling with the car was great, we did a good strategy. All in all, it was a great management of the race and that is very positive. Now from tomorrow we will regroup and obviously analyse the weekend as a whole, and try to understand what we can do better for the future.” READ MORE: Alonso says he pulled off ‘70 laps of qualifying’ to beat Hamilton in ‘amazing’ battle for second As for the tyre life, Leclerc said: “Yeah, it is definitely encouraging. Again, the feeling with the car… I was really happy, so that is good. Tyre management is good, so it’s a positive Sunday.” Sainz, meanwhile, put in a recovery drive of his own to rise from P11, having been hit with a three-place grid penalty after qualifying for impeding Alpine’s Pierre Gasly in the Q1 phase. Sainz followed Ferrari’s orders to maintain position behind Leclerc “I think we had very strong pace today,” he said. “We showed that in a different track like Canada, to Barcelona, we are stronger, that the car is working well in the low-speed corners, we had also better deg [tyre degradation]. So yeah, a bit of progress, a bit of an encouraging day for the whole team. “I felt really good on that [medium starting] tyre. I was very quick, it felt like I could manage it no problem. I think we did some good progress, but I also think it’s down to circuit characteristics and we need to see how Austria plays out with going back to higher speed corners.” READ MORE: Hamilton buoyed by Canadian GP podium as he insists Mercedes are ‘going in the right direction’ Asked if he was disappointed at Ferrari asking him to hold station behind Leclerc when the race developed, Sainz replied: “No, I totally expected it, also because we were both trying to extend. “Obviously I felt very strong with the medium, that’s why I kept getting DRS and I could kind of feel like I had very good pace, but I think the right thing was always to extend that stint, go long and overcut the field to then go and finish P4 and P5.” via Formula 1 News https://www.formula1.com

[metaregress]

umineko noodling part 1

I don't think tumblr has specific spoiler-hider stuff? so uh umineko spoilers below the cut

I'm reading Umineko and I'm in that awkward place where I'm really invested and interested, but can't look up anything online because it feels like any meme or fanart has the possibility to be a spoilery deathtrap. It's gonna be a long journey but I gotta keep my head down until the end.

So to alleviate some of that loneliness, I thought it would be fun to keep a kind of journal where I can record my thoughts on the story as I progress, and can theorize in real-time and then reflect on what came from it. This in itself feels weirdly like a move inspired by the game and its love of logic and inversions; I can’t ‘take in’ information about the game because it risks giving things away, but I can ‘put out’ information, because it will only be reflecting my very-limited understanding of things in the current moment.

The game (story? I’m not sure how to properly refer to it) has been interesting so far though. It definitely does have some of those mid-aughts anime vibes (I think it came out in ‘07) with the honorifics being translated directly (George-aniki) and some of the characters feeling a little like stock tropes from that era, though now that I’m deeper in it seems like they just used those tropes as a jumping-off point, or rather that the tropes were deliberately misleading in order to hide the characters’ real depths.

I’ve also been interested to see what the VN format brings over just having the story presented in prose. I’ve seen a lot of this before with other VN-adjacent games, but the gameplay could often distract from them so this is an interesting case of being able to totally focus on games as a text-presenting medium. Music has been maybe the most striking aspect so far; the game’s music is good, and used to good effect to punctuate certain scenes or set different moods - especially right when a mood swaps the the music kicks in to highlight the new vibe. Sound effects and being able to pace the appearance of text can create cool effects as well; they help the text ‘come alive’ in a way that can be difficult when it’s just a wall on a page or screen. You can replicate characters’ speech speed, or have words appear one at a time for extra emphasis. Or you can have page transitions accompanied by sound effects to help really sell tension or impact, like a door creaking as it opens before the text appears describing what’s happening in a room. This is also something that shows up in a lot of games, but gets to really take center stage in a VN.

And of course there’s the ‘visual’ portion of it; character images and backgrounds. I’ve been enjoying the ‘original’ character illustrations; they’re less polished but have a personal charm as a result. I also like that they're framed much closer compared to the updated art - it feels a bit more personal to me and less like abstract concept art. Particularly a fan of Natsuhi-with-a-gun.

But just being able to see characters as they speak, or see their expressions change in response to things helps create a new layer of engagement in the story.

I enjoy its Zero Escape-style long digressions on random topics, like the whole thing about Maria being in her growth period to explain why she’s such a weird little gremlin about black magic because she’s trying to create a sense of individuality so she can stand out from her peers. Basically it was a small dissertation on chuunibyo as a concept. And I just like when media was clearly made by someone with an intense interest in something that almost can’t help but spill over, like the antiquing mini-arc in HunterxHunter.

It is also quite good at sticking the landing on its logic-puzzles and reversals, very reminiscent of Phoenix Wright in that regard. ‘Spinning the chessboard’ even kind of evokes the idea of a ‘turnabout’ from Phoenix Wright. I like that it’s non-interactive though because I think that lets them be much more elaborate with their puzzles since the player solving them is not gating progression. If you want to engage and reason about them alongside the characters you can, but if you just want to know what happens you can do that too. I’ve enjoyed trying to get stuck in alongside them, which is part of why I want to have this record of my thoughts and impressions about the various puzzles being presented.

Oh also one fun thing is that you can swap freely between Japanese and English. I imagine for a game whose primary function is rendering text, this was pretty easy to implement, but as someone trying to learn rudimentary Japanese it can be fun to look at certain passages to see how things are rendered, like finding out that when Battler refers to the killings as a 'game' with rules, he uses the katakana for 'game.' I think that's a really common thing in Japanese (eg calling arcades 'game centers') but it was fun to be able to poke around in the original to confirm, or to see if he was maybe using some other figure of speech originally. I was also curious about the translation of Maria and the servants explaining to Battler that Beatrice " 'exists' " - it turns out they were saying " 'い'る" which is the verb for 'to exist' but with an added emphasis. It's just neat to be able to satisfy my venal curiosity like that!

Anyway I've got another writeup for the first ~10 hours of the story that I'll post later. This was fun though.

[djarrex]

So I was wondering, how was rex and reader first kiss, and also the first time they’d slept together? I loved that story about how they met!! I’m genuinely curious

!!Yessssss :’)

Ok, so for anyone who hasn’t read their first meeting/first date, I’ll link it here. Previously, I had included a little bit of their first date in one of the main installments/chapters as a flashback scene during Priya’s birth and you can find that here.

Find the rest in the Post-Order 66 Rex ML

I’ll pick this up from when they’re riding in the taxi on the way to reader’s apartment (from flashback scene found in second link)

18+ only! dry humping, heavy makeout sesh, groping, non-descriptive sex, piv sex, maybe just a hint of ‘first time’ awkwardness but... y’know. overall, Rex is a caring sweetheart. about 2.9k words #Carried Away

<<<>>>

The back of Rex’s hand, the gauntlet plate, that is, lands on your bare thigh - his gloved palm upright and waiting, fingers relaxed. You can’t help your wide smile that grows upon noticing the gesture accompanied by his unsure, yet confident expression as you gladly lay your hand within his - fingers locking into place. 

"Is... this okay?"

So considerate, appropriately cautious, cute.

You lock eyes with his, making it a point when your tongue barely darts out to wet your lower lip while giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. His lips curl at the corners - a little chuckle seeping through his nostrils before turning his head to watch the streaks of lights fly by outside the transparisteel. The ride isn’t very long, but it’s nearly silent. It must be late enough for the driver to have long surpassed the point of wanting to engage in light conversation, thankfully so, and the music is turned down to the lowest volume - just light pulse of a beat coming from the tiny speaker. The whir of the vessel gliding through the air lanes hums throughout the interior, along with the heavy beat of your heart in your ears. Your fingers stay intertwined with Rex’s the entire time. At one point, briefly, his thumb started to absentmindedly brush back and forth over the thick knuckle of yours, and caught himself when the the taxi slowed to halt as it pulled in front of your complex.

Rex scoots out first - extending his hand towards you and helping you out of the seat and onto the duracrete. As you lean into the taxi’s opening to toss the driver some credits, Rex watches the way you move - the way even the miniscule muscles flex underneath your form-fitting dress and with the movement of what skin is exposed. A sudden breeze catches him off guard when that familiar scent of lavender coming from your hair hits him just like it did back on the dancefloor. His own heart is pounding uncontrollably beneath the protective shell of plastoid, though he’s sure you can hear it. Your hearts mirror one another’s tonight - anxious, eager, sure, ready. 

It's quiet after the taxi speeds off. It's late, and the two of you stand just outside the complex entrance in silence, facing one another and staring deep into each other's eyes. There’s a whole bunch being said, without any words actually being spoken. It’s insane the way Rex is just pulling you in without laying so much as a finger on you right now; his gravitational pull is far too strong for you to resist, not that you’re trying to resist. You want to get dragged into his orbit, burn up upon skirting through his atmosphere. That connection... it’s so noticeably there and it’s making your legs weak - weight settling in the back of your head, pushing you forward and closing the space between your faces. You know it’s affecting him just as it’s affecting you. There is no escape, though neither one of you is trying to flee. 

“Is... this o-” 

Rex is unable to echo his question from the taxi once the remaining space between the two of you quickly vanishes. When your lips meet his for the very first time, something just clicks - like two missing pieces from a puzzle that you didn’t even know were absent have just come together and completed it, effectively ending its drawn-out hiatus. You’re sure there are better analogies out there with deeper meaning but it’s hard to think with how wrapped up in him you’re becoming with something as simple as a ‘first kiss’. Your arms flying to wrap around his neck, Rex pulls you closer - his fingers gripping the fabric at your hips and holding you close. A heavy breath escapes from him and you take the opportunity to poke your tongue out to be immediately greeted by his own. It’s medium-paced; not desperate nor casual. The dance you share with the light clashing of teeth, the rhythm that’s set with every little movement of the muscles in your mouths - it’s just right. 

When you move to break away, panting, your eyes quickly dart to the building standing tall to the right of you before they quickly return to his. An overt cue... 

“Do you wan-”

...One of which Rex takes swift action.

“Yes.” Rex didn’t need for you to finish that line; he was already way ahead of you, and was somehow starting to believe you’d never ask. Any nerves of his have long since vanished, as well as any notion of sleep - other, more exciting things urging him on. He knows where he’ll be waking up in the morning, and it’s not on that bedroll in the barracks that he was practically dreaming of back at 79′s before he’d laid eyes on you. For once, the clone captain will allow himself to indulge in what this night holds. 

The two of you are unable to keep your hands to yourselves during the brief ride in the lift up to your floor. Rex holds you impossibly close, hands pressed into your lower back and practically carrying your floating body through the corridors until arriving at your front door; you’d murmured the directions into his lips along the way. With your back pressed against it, your hand swings behind to blindly input the access code. After a few incorrect entries before hearing the musical awarded access, the door slides open, and your fingers wrap around the dip at the top of his cuirass - pulling him to follow you in. You make it as far as the couch, pushing him down to sit as you descend with him, your mouths staying connected in the process. Rex sinks into the cushions, and his hands begin rove your body experimentally from where you’re straddled over his armored lap. You’re melting into his touch, rocking yourself over the hardness of his codpiece, letting the curve of it rub into your clothed heat as his lips trail wet hot down your chin and jaw.

Never had you previously allowed a night like this to get as far with anyone else. 

“I don’t...” Rex pauses as soon as the words leave you - lifting from your neck and meeting your eyes with a flash of concern sinking in his own. “I don’t usually do this, uh, sort of thing,” you elaborate quickly, your hands gesturing to the current situation - nervous, for some odd reason, even though your mind is very made up. His expression softens and a sweet smile creeps on his lips as he traces your own with the pad of his now bare thumb - the touch featherlight, admiring. “I just- just thought I should clear that up.” You’re not sure what it is exactly that you’re clearing up; perhaps you’re afraid that Rex thinks you’re one of those clone groupies, a woman who frequents 79′s to show her appreciation for the brave soldiers of the Republic. Or maybe that you’re someone who often fucks on the first date, just to be casted aside in the morning or the one who does the casting aside. The look he’s giving you, though, as he gazes up at you with something within his eyes that you can’t yet translate, is leading you to believe that he doesn’t put you into any of those categories - didn’t, from the very moment he’d laid eyes on you.

“Mesh’la,” he breathes against your jaw - the foreign-sounding word completely unknown to you but making you clench all the same - the shape of it forming on his lips and pressing into your tender skin. “The same goes for me. I... don’t wanna do anything that’ll scare you away.”

“And here I am thinking that I’m the one coming on too strong too fast,” you jest. Sure, it has only been a single, incomplete night of knowing him, but as silly and cliché as it sounds, it honest to Maker feels like you’ve known him forever. Normally, you’d conclude that allowing yourself to think that would more than likely end up biting you in the ass in the near future, but you truly don’t think that would be the case this time. Not with him.

“Rex...” Breaking from his lips for a breather and cradling the curve of his cheekbones within your hands, you look deep into his kind eyes, searching for the answer to the question you have yet to ask. “Have you ever...?”

“Yes, yes. It, uh, was always quick... when I did.” Rex chews his cheek - his brows pinching together in unwarranted contrition. “I’m sorry,” he sighs.

“For?”

“I don’t want you to think-”

You cut him off with the hard press of your lips to his - grinding yourself down on his lap with a little more purpose. Anything he was about to say, any inhibitions, dissolves like sugar inside your mouth. Minutes crawl by. Maybe longer, you’re unsure; too lost in this milky euphoria to give a damn about something as complex and currently unimportant as time. Your body is on fire; the heat that radiates from his flesh even from under the armor envelopes you in a different kind of warmth. You find your own hands mapping out the parts of his body that aren’t shelled by a plastoid exterior, landing on the piece that you’ve been grinding yourself on since arriving.

“Can I take this off?” Rex peers down at your hand laying over his codpiece; his perfect pout glistening, eyes darkening - the black orbs nearly swallowing the warm honey they reside in as he begins to look you over. 

“Please.”

If it wasn’t already a known fact that you’d never done this with someone like him before, then the way your fingers fumble around the plastoid in a blind search for the clasp - or whatever is holding this Maker forsaken thing in place - sure as hell gives it away. Sensing your evident struggle, Rex’s hand brushes over yours and the hindrance is unfastened in an instant. You raise a brow at him, and he only grins as you lean down to kiss him again.

Rex stands - your arms and legs squeezing him as he walks you to the bed, his erection teasing with its firm press against you. Laying you down on your back, he watches as you shimmy off the rest of your clothing. His breath catches in his throat upon your removal of your bra, eyes widening and fingers drumming at his sides, and you have to urge him to unfreeze so he can finishing undressing and join you.

“I... really want this,” he informs through heavy breaths - a hint of sheepishness engrained within the gruffness - finally moving to climb on the bed between your legs after stripping nearly everything from him and stacking it all in a neat pile. “You. Really want you.” You smile - the gleam reaching your eyes - and grab his arm to pull him on top of you. He’s still wearing his under-armor bottoms, and your hand shamelessly trails down to palm at the hard bulge from above the skin-tight material. 

“I want this too, Rex. You.” He groans - husky and deep - taking a few moments to relish the way your hand feels as you massage him before making quick work to remove the only thing that’s left covering his beautiful body.

It takes you by complete surprise - his extraordinary size. The way it was trapped within the compression bottoms was totally misleading. You swallow a clump of dry air - your tummy tingling and heart racing at the sight of him now completely nude and in the process of climbing back into position. 

“Maker...”

You say the most prominent and immediate thought out loud, causing him to stop in his tracks.

“What? Is everything okay, is- is this okay?” Rex becomes mildly frantic, concerned - just about to climb away but you grab at his shoulder, fingers pressing into the toned, corded flesh where it curves into the base of his neck at the back. 

“Yes,” you sigh - astounded. “I just... you’re, um...” Your eyes remain glued to the erect, throbbing appendage standing at attention between his legs, noting how it curves slightly upwards at the tip and is aimed at your clenching heat. “You’re big, Rex.” When your eyes flicker back up to his, his brow is raised and his lips are pressed into a thin line. Like he doesn’t already fucking know how well-endowed he is. 

Shutting your eyes and sighing quietly, your face stings from the sound of your breathy voice uttering out such truism. He shifts his weight between the arms that are caging you in on either side and looks down at himself - considering. 

“I - uh-”

“It’s okay,” you chuckle with a quick nod of your head as you spread your legs wider with a slight roll of your hips. Your mound briefly brushes the hot, velvety skin along his shaft when you lift your hips again. Your abdomen involuntarily tightens upon noticing the length of him hovering over you, practically marking how deep inside he’ll be.  “I need you, Rex.”

You learn quickly that you needn’t repeat a thing to an esteemed captain of his merit. 

He prepares you, like any true gentleman would, getting your body ready to accept him fully. Licking, touching, sucking, prodding; it’s all so exquisitely slow, intricate, surprisingly good for someone who has had little to no experience in the arena of foreplay. Thick fingers work you open in deep, pleasant strokes - his knuckles knocking into the most tender and pleasurable tissue with every pass. Rex’s lips go from attending to your breasts and trailing along nearly every inch of your skin before reuniting with your own. He inadvertently works a mild orgasm from you from his delicate tongue and purposeful touch alone - the build-up a soft crescendo until you’re moaning his name in the most breathy voice you’ve ever entertained.

You’ve never felt so safe and cared for during moments like these; now is a whole different experience than what you’d encountered in the past. You don’t have an extensive list of previous partners, but all of the ones who had made your short list were boys. Immature, needy, desperate boys. Boys who could never compare to the man who’s currently breaching you with a very gentle roll of his hips laced with all the care in the galaxy. Not to mention, his size. In that alone Rex is unmatched. 

Your lips barely disconnect; the soft whimpers and moans shared between the two of you are breathed into one another and swallowed. You’ve never experienced anything so tender yet deliberate at the same time - the combination of soft meeting its opposite making your head spin and toes curling. Nails forming small crescents indenting into his skin, you hang on to Rex’s broad shoulders as he rocks into you. It’s a steady pace he sets right from the get-go and he keeps that all the way up until your second orgasm flows through you, consequently causing a hint of resistance put up by your clenching walls, affecting his length’s repeating reentry. Not much is said, but a lot is spoken through eye contact. Neither of you want this to end, but when it inevitably does, you’d want to do this again. You want to do more than this; you both want to see each other again. When he finishes, it’s the gravelly, drawn-out groan falling out of his throat that causes you to see the stars from where they’re hung outside Coruscant’s orbit as if you’re sitting directly in front of them, just an arm’s length away. 

You’re cleaned up in such a meticulous and tender way that only Rex could provide. He falls to your side - taking you with him as his strong arms wrap around your torso. It’s insane; the way you fell into each other earlier this evening is comparable to fate itself. You think you’re going crazy, that you’re feeling all these things only after having known Rex for less than several hours, that you’re diving into something too hard and too quickly.

“Do you feel it, too?” 

You don’t know what possessed you to ask him instead of keeping it locked up in your buzzing mind, still keyed up from the best sex you’ve ever had, but it’s out there. Unable to see his face from your position, your heart starts racing with nerves, and in the several moments of silence and lingering regret, you mentally curse at yourself for being so forward.

“Yeah,” Rex says with a soft smile evident in his tone - a huge weight being lifted from your shoulders and tossed aside. “I do.”

With that, his arms hold you just a little tighter and he places a chaste kiss on your temple. It’s not long before the sound of soft snoring fills the otherwise quiet bedroom, and minutes later you’re right there alongside him - content, fluttering heart and all.

<<<>>>

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[quirkwizard]

hello, i hope you're having a good day! this is kind of a complex idea i had for a creepy quirk and i was wondering if it could be feasible in the MHA universe. basically, the user's face and body is covered with long, thin scars that are stitched up with thread in a frankenstein-looking way. the user can pull out the medium/thin-thickness threads from their scars, and use them in a telekinetic way to control other people's movements against their will, kind of like a puppetmaster. (1/3)

the threads would kind of bind to the other person's body, and/or joints, and the user can move them with a combination of hand movements and mental commands. the drawback is that the scars that were previously sewn up would be extremely painful and slowly, continuously bleeding. the threads can also be cut by fire, freezing and snapping, and acid (pretty much anything except conventional methods of cutting string). when they're cut they do rejoin/regenerate automatically but the person previously under control is freed. (2/3)

the threads stitch themselves back up into the user's body, but this takes time and is painful (like having stitches with a blunt needle and without any pain meds). the wounds dont stop hurting/bleeding until done the user would likely be born with the scars that don't ever heal naturally, and the threads sewing them, but i'm not fully sure on this bit. how would this work? if at all. and apologies for the long asks and complex description. please feel free to suggest edits that would make it work

Don't worry about the length. I'd rather people give me more details to work off of then nothing.

I think that something like this could work, but with some work. Having a Quirk that could let the user control other people like this seems fine, but I think the biggest issue is how easy the Quirk is to use. Even ignoring the lack of defined speed, range, or number of people that can be controlled with Quirk, all it seems to require is that the user apply the strings, and it's basically game over. They can't do anything about it and the only way to get rid of them is through any non-physical attack, which requires other people around. You could say the amount of pain the user is in makes it hard to use, but I don't think there is a lot of sense in having constantly painful scars from the Quirk. Unless there's some birth defect involved, merely using your Quirk doesn't have such serious consequences. I would suggest changing the premise around some and adding more clarifications and drawbacks to the power. You can still have the stitched look, but you don't have to make it so tied into the Quirk's function. Drawbacks could be issues like how hard it is to activate the Quirk, issues with controlling people, or something related to how the user controls someone. One idea was that the fibers could be converted from the user's muscles, letting them seep into and control other muscles. This could have issues like giving the user feelings through their puppets, having the fibers strain and break like muscles, or making the user less mobile.

[dragimalsdaydreams]

ok soooo... I’ve never played Pokemon or watched the show or anything, but my dear friend @cobwebbing got into SWSH a while back and infodumped a lot of interesting trivia onto me, including the thing about fossil combinations. we were both horrified by the implications, to the point that she wrote a fun fic exploring the concept (HIGHLY recommend it), and I got invested in speculating the ACTUAL original Pokemon (also, these designs are technically ‘canon’ to her fic)

I tried to mimic some of the official art in lining/shading, but I don’t think I stuck fully to the ‘cartoony’ vibe of Pokemon. ah well, good experience either way

for ease of reading, I’ll be slotting both the image descriptions AND the extra “Pokedex” info about these guys under the cut-- I thought a LOT about their behaviors lmao. for the image descriptions, please assume that the style of all pieces is a mix of ‘cartoony’ and realistic in form, with solid lines and base colors

+bonus! to see the belly <3

[IMAGE ID: text above the Pokemon reads “Zoomzolt” with a yellow button underneath reading “Electric”. the background is a dull yellow with some areas of shade.

this Pokemon is shaped like a prehistoric raptor, with a small/round horizontal torso, a thin neck curved upright, small arm-wings, lithe digitigrade hind legs, and a thin tail held stiffly out at an upward angle from the body. most of the body is bright yellow with small areas of purple, as will be described. the Pokemon is standing cheerily, facing to the left.

the head has a long snout with a prominent bump emphasizing the tip, where a small purple nostril sits on the visible side. the mouth is held open in a happy gape, showing a purple tongue. the front half of the upper and lower jaws have serrated edges resembling sharp teeth, which seem to interlock. the eyes are closed, the lines of the eyelashes turned up with the smile. a small doodle to the left of the head shows the head with jaw closed and eyes open, showing off glossy black-button eyes with tiny eyelashes, and sparkles floating around the eyes. the head is framed by a crown of large, decorative feathers, all of which are a lighter yellow than the body and sport a couple spots of purple. each cheek also has a single purple spot.

a pair of small arms are held loosely to the sides of the body, each with three bare-skin purple talons with long claws, peeking out from under the fluffy yellow feathers of the arm. each arm sports a set of primary feathers resembling a simple wing, ending at around the elbow. these primaries are a lighter yellow than the main body, with a couple spots of purple near the edges. the overall outline at the trailing edge of the primaries forms a lightning bolt shape. there’s a long decorative feather on each of the wings, close to the body, which extends out into a simple zig-zag, before ending in a rounded tip which resembles a peacock feather with a small wisp and a couple purple spots.

the bonus image removes the closest wing primaries, better showing the lighter-yellow underbelly, and the hind legs. the hind legs are long and lithe, covered in yellow feathers up until the ankle, below which the skin is bare and purple. each foot has three toes, two of which are based flat on the ground with mid-length claws. the third toe closest to the body is raised high, sporting a large, sickle-shaped claw, curved sharply compared to the other claws.

a fan of long, light-yellow feathers spans out from the tip of the tail, resembling both the wing feathers and the crown of feathers on the head, adorned with purple spots. the overall outline resembles a diamond, with a vague zig-zag formed by a few feathers on the sides. two long decorative feathers resembling those found on the wings sprout from the sides of the fan as well.

END ID]

Name: Zoomzolt

Type: Electric

Animal Inspirations: road-runners, cockatoos, microraptors in general

Extra design notes: since the spots on the cheeks canonically match the other fossil in the pair, that gave me free-rein to choose whatever color I felt like, and I eventually landed on purple. I also redesigned the arms/wings b/c the shape was just kinda awkward and dull? I think the new wing shape adds more flair to the design, especially in combination with the tail. btw I only thought of the partly-arboreal lifestyle halfway through the piece, and I didn’t feel like changing the claws to fit it better. just know I’m aware that the wing claws should be curvier, and the toe claws (sans sickle) shorter, lmao

Pokedex entry:

Zoomzolts are a highly social species, roaming the moors and forests in groups of 20 or more. while individuals aren’t particularly strong, their tight social bonds more than make up for the lack-- several Zoomzolts can combine their electric powers and deliver devastating blows to even the fiercest opponents. if this isn’t enough, Zoomzolts are a quick and agile species-- they can race away across the plains or climb up nearby trees before their opponent can recover. their unique feet provide an advantage here-- a marriage between an arboreal lifestyle with the curved sickle-claw for climbing, and a grounded lifestyle with the rest of the flat toes for stable running.

besides scaring off predators, Zoomzolts mainly use their electricity to attract and capture prey. at night, packs of Zoomzolts will gather in the upper foliage of tall trees, settle down, and allow small sparks of electricity to arc across their purple spots-- from one part of the body to another, and from one individual to another. this creates a dazzling light show that many nocturnal Bug Pokemon simply can’t resist. when these bugs venture close, the nearest Zoomzolt will quickly snatch them up before returning to formation.

Zoomzolts are friendly and curious to a fault, known for snooping among human belongings if left alone for too long. they’re very easy to train and bond well with humans, but a Zoomzolt will always need more of their own kind to truly thrive. at least 3 or 4 other Zoomzolts are needed for an individual Zoomzolt’s social/mental health, but not all trainers are committed to keeping that many of one species.

~~~

[IMAGE ID: text to the right of the Pokemon reads “Dunkovish” with a tan button and blue button underneath reading “Rock” and “Water”, respectively. the background is a light blue with some areas of shade.

pictured is a fish-like Pokemon, with a typical torpedo-shaped body and a stocky, blunt head. most of the body is blue, with areas of orange and pale yellow, as will be described. the body is positioned in a downward curve, as if the Pokemon is poised to strike at something off-screen.

the head is heavily armored, with most of the main skull forming one large oblong-dish shape. much of this armor is dark blue, while other sections are a bronze-orange color. the jaws are formed out of large, jagged plates, creating massive interlocking orange teeth. the jaw is gaping slightly open, showing a pale blue inner mouth. the visible jaw hinge is rounded and prominent on the cheek. two small, round, bulging eyes sit just above the jaws, on either side of the head near the hinges. the eyes are pale yellow with black, vertical, rectangular pupils.

a few other large plates of armor (some dark blue, some bronze orange) extend out past the main head piece onto the body, arranged like overlapping scales. these plates all have lines at the trailing edges, implying a simple texture. the main body beyond these scales is pale blue, with splotches of dark blue and smaller spots of orange splattered across the body, arranged in a pattern to imply small scales.

there are two sets “limb fins”, one directly behind the lower jaw, and the other near the tail. both sets are built on prominent lobes extending from the main body and matching the main body colors, before the spines of the fin extend out from the ends, flaring out in a pale yellow. the front set of fins is medium-size, smaller than the head, while the back set is much smaller.

the tail fin starts on the back, in the middle of the spine, and extends down to the tip of the tail, then underneath into an extra lobe of spines. visually, this means the main fleshy part of the tail extends into the upper lobe of longer spines, while the lower, shorter lobe of spines flares out underneath, unsupported. this tail fin is pale yellow.

END ID]

Name: Dunkovish

Type: Rock, Water

Animal Inspirations: dunkleosteus, coelacanth

Extra design notes: added in a rock type b/c of the whole “armored fish” thing, and some orange to complement that

Pokedex entry:

this Pokemon roams the open ocean, traveling dozens of miles every day in search of large prey to attack. once spotted, Dunkovish will swim off an appropriate distance, then charge the prey at full speed, ramming their rock-hard skulls into their prey. these charging attacks can easily shatter bone and internal organs, leaving their prey weak and defenseless as Dunkovish feasts.

Dunkovish aren’t typically a danger to humans, as they usually steer clear of shorelines. small shipping vessels are more at risk, as Dunkovish can mistake the ships for prey and ram into them, causing shipwrecks and major losses.

while their power makes them dangerous for the inexperienced, Dunkovish are shockingly easy to train. they’re very food-motivated Pokemon, so all a prospective trainer needs is a lot of tasty chum and a bit of patience.

~~~

[IMAGE ID: text to the upper left of the Pokemon reads “Arctoise” with a light blue button underneath reading “Ice”. the background is light blue with some areas of shade.

this Pokemon looks to be a cross between a tortoise and a plesiosaur, with a large, rounded shell, two sets of long fins, and a paddle-like tail. the shell is mostly snow-white, while the rest of the body is mostly blue with areas of white, as will be described. the body is floating at rest, fins spread-eagle from the body for balance.

the shell is fairly tall and dome-shaped, with the lower half wrapping underneath the torso, between the front and hind legs. the shell has some ridges at the back implying “layers” of snow, which smooth out as they reach the front of the shell. the base color is snow-white, while the lower two “layers” get progressively darker, into a blue-ish light grey. this grey peters out into spots as it reaches the front of the shell.

the head is long, thin, and sharply pointed, making for a thin spear shape. the snout resembles a dolphin beak-- long and rounded at the tip. the eyes are sharp and triangular, with visible white sclera, light blue irises, and round black pupils. the nostrils are based at the center of the beak, raised up along with a small ridge of bone at the center-line of the beak, meeting the forehead. the nostrils are merged together into a small heart shape. a set of small spiral shapes frames either side of the cranium, implying some kind of auditory system. the neck is tucked into the body in the main art, but a small doodle to the side shows the neck fully extended-- long and serpentine like a heron. while the main body (outside the shell) is an aqua blue, the head itself is mostly dark blue, with a few stripes of aqua blue at the tip of the beak.

there are two sets of long, pointed fins, the front set slightly larger than the back set. the front set of fins sit to either side of the neck, settled into the open body cavity of the shell. the back set extend from the shell as well, just in front of the tail. each fin’s base color is dark blue, with white tips and white spots that vaguely follow the inner bone structure of the fins.

the tail is thick and somewhat short, smoothly transitioning from the wide main body-shell down into a pointed tip. lobes of short cartilaginous fins sprout from the top and bottom of the tail tip, the top lobe taller but not as long, and the bottom lobe shorter height-wise but longer. the main tail is aqua blue, while the fins are dark blue.

END ID]

Name: Arctoise

Type: Ice

Animal Inspirations: sea turtles, tortoises, plesiosaur, herons, anhingas

Extra design notes: in retrospect, the ‘shell’ is prolly meant to be a mane of fur, but I like my shell idea too much to change it (if I were to redo it tho, I might’ve gone for like... seal inspiration? selkie lore?? hm). also certain restorations of plesiosaurs shaped the ‘paddle’ on the tail like I’ve shown, which makes more sense to me.

Pokedex entry:

this Pokemon is closely related to the modern Lapras, as seen in their many shared structural features. many researchers even believe Arctoise to be a direct ancestor to Lapras due to genetic similarities, but this question hasn’t been fully resolved.

Arctoise are very successful predators of the frigid southern pole, utilizing a unique hunting technique. they float patiently out near glaciers, necks tucked into their shells and staying perfectly still for hours on end. when other Pokemon see the Arctoise’s shiny white shell, they’re fooled into thinking it’s a snow-covered glacier, safe to rest on. when the Pokemon settles comfortably on the shell, Arctoise snaps into action, quickly flipping over so their prey is thrown into the water. sometimes this is enough to drown the prey (often true for Flying Pokemon that dropped down to rest), but usually this only stuns the prey. this gives Arctoise the chance to snap out their long neck and capture the prey in their powerful jaws. once subdued, Arctoise will right their body in the water and enjoy their meal.

despite the ponderous size/shape of this species, Arctoise are still able to float quite easily due to air sacs located near their spine (thus, near the top of their shell). these sacs allow Arctoise to carefully control how they float, and help hold the large dome of their shell above the water.

communities of small Water Pokemon often form around Arctoise. the large shell and quiet demeanor makes for a stable underwater haven, and a steady source of food from the scraps that Arctoise leaves behind. they’re usually safe from Arctoise’s appetite, as they’re too small to be considered a proper meal. additionally, these small Pokemon often attract larger prey to the area, providing Arctoise more hunting opportunities.

Arctoise is an aloof species, and won’t respond well to “overly-affectionate” bond-based training. but as long as their space and solitude is respected, an Arctoise is willing to cooperate with a trainer towards mutual goals.

~~~

[IMAGE ID: text to the upper left reads “Dracoleon” with a purple button and magenta button underneath reading “Dragon” and “Poison”, respectively. the background is a light purple with some areas of shade.

there are two Pokemon in this image, one to the left with a “female” ♀ symbol, and one to the right with a “male” ♂ symbol. both Pokemon resemble stocky, low-set herbivorous dinosaurs, with short/thick legs, and round/heavy torsos. the female is far larger than the male, and sports two rows of large spikes along her back. the base color of both is a dark green, with large swathes of magenta patterns, as will be described. both are poised with their heads low to the ground, and the female’s tail raised in a defensive position.

the heads of both sexes are wide and triangular, with sharp points at either side of the skull, and a pointed beak at the tip. their round eyes rest underneath the flat top of the skull, facing outwards to either side. the female’s eyelids are pointed down in an angry expression, while the male’s eyelids are pointed up in a worried expression. their visible sclera are white, and their irises are dark magenta. their nostrils sit on either side at the point of the beak. there are prominent bumps on either side of the skull, just behind the eyes, implying an auditory system. the flat top of the skull is bright magenta, while the rest of the head is dark green.

the small head transitions into the larger body via a thick, short neck, held low to the ground. the torsos are both round, heavy, and somewhat horizontally flat like a lizard. the base color is dark green with a light green underbelly, while the magenta pattern on the head extends all the way down to the tail, covering the full back. several pointed spikes of color stick out from the pattern, trailing down the sides of the torso and legs.

the female has two rows of light magenta spikes sticking out from the upper-sides of her torso, 7 pairs in total. the front-most spikes are the largest, with a horn-like shape that curves out in a wave of out-up-out into a sharp tip. the shape of the spikes gradually transitions from round horns to triangular plates at the end of the tail. the sizes transition from the largest at the front, smaller on the torso, larger at the center of the tail, then small at the tip again. all the spikes point at an angle out/up from the body, except for the very last pair on the tip of the tail, which stick out flatly from the sides of the tail.

the legs of both sexes are short and stocky, with thick underlying muscles. the feet are all digitigrade, but the foot/”hand” sections are very short. the feet all have 3 main toes set flat on the ground, while the front feet have a dew claw set higher on the hand, above the ground. all claws are short/thick and hoof-like, though the female’s are slightly longer and sharper. the hind legs are longer than the front legs, pushing the hips higher than the shoulders. the legs are all dark green with light magenta claws. the female has extra magenta stripes running horizontal across the legs.

the tails are both thick, transitioning smoothly from the thick body down to a pointed tip. the male’s tail is short and stubby, while the female’s is longer, sporting the spikes.

END ID]

Name: Dracoleon

Type: Dragon, Poison

Animal Inspirations: stegosaurus, ankylosaurus. (also.... Kaim from Devilman......)

Extra design notes: I mostly color-picked for the other Pokes, but I shifted Dracoleon’s color a lot from the canon colors. the og colors were just a bit too much for me-- hurt a lil bit to look at. so I shifted the red more magenta, and the green to a duller, more subdued saturation. I’m hoping the purple-shifted red conveys the Poison type better. also added a couple more spikes to the tail for flair.

Pokedex Entry:

due to their heavy sexual dimorphism, researchers originally identified male Dracoleon remains as juveniles of the species. it wasn’t until this Pokemon was fully restored in the flesh that this misconception was corrected.

female Dracoleon are highly territorial, aggressively defending their territory against anything they perceive to be a threat. thus, females are generally solitary, only tolerating the presence of male Dracoleon. this aggression only increases during breeding season, when females compete for male attention, and then nesting season when defending their hatchlings.

male Dracoleon are much smaller and more docile than their female counterparts. while females will actively protect males when the males are still within their territory, males usually find protection in numbers by banding together into small groups. males are as attentive to nesting needs as the females, but since they end up mating with several females a year, they roam in small groups across several territories. they’ll visit one female’s nest to help with food and nest protection for a while, before heading off to the next territory for another round of nest-duty. these transition periods from one territory to another are where males are most vulnerable to predation, so they try to travel quickly.

females’ spikes are covered in a toxic oil which is mostly an irritant to fellow Dracoleon and Poison-types, but can easily kill other species if it penetrates the skin. their magenta patterns build an association between their bright coloring and toxicity, which helps protect the males from predation by association, despite the males not having toxic spikes.

while Dracoleon are herbivorous generalists of thick forest regions, they seem to prefer roots and tubers over foliage. Dracoleon territory is easily identified by scattered areas of dug-up soil and holes.

while male Dracoleon are generally easy to befriend and train, females are very stubborn and aggressive towards most training attempts. however, if an experienced trainer is determined enough to prove their worth to their Pokemon, Dracoleon can become one of the most loyal and trustworthy companions a trainer could hope for.

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #198

Happy New Year! (If it is not new years, please disregard.) Today we're crossing into the 2020 servants; hopefully this build makes that clear.

Today we're building Katsushika Hokusai, the daughter/fatheroctopus painter duo, most famous for... waves? And also making a deal with Cthulhu. We're grabbing some levels in Creation Bard for the former, and Hexblade Warlock for the latter. Don't worry, it'll make sense as we go.

Check out their build breakdown below the cut, or their character sheet over here!

Next up:

Race and Background

Oui is a Human. Her dad's an octopus, which is weird, but we'll deal with that later. Also, we're making her a variant human for cool stuff. She gets +1 Wisdom and Charisma, as well as Animal Handling proficiency to get along with her parents and the Magic Initiate feat, which uses her Wisdom to cast druid spells. Since magical paintbrushes aren't an official weapon in D&D 5e, we'll call it a quarterstaff instead, which means you can use Shillelagh to make it fancy and magical for the duration. It also turns the damage die into a d8, deals magical damage, and uses your wisdom instead of strength to hit things and deal damage. You also get Frostbite to splash cold water on people, and Protection from Evil and Good. You can cast that last one once a day for free, and it'll protect you against aberrations (plus celestials, elementals, fey, fiends, and undead) for ten minutes with concentration. They'll have disadvantage to hit you, and they cant' charm, frighten, or possess you, and any existing effects of that ilk you can shake off with advantage. No spoilers, but that'll come in handy soon enough.

You also get the Guild Artisan background, because you paint for money. That gives you Insight and Persuasion proficiency.

Ability Scores

Make your Charisma as high as possible. You paint good, and you have the mental fortitude to keep an elder god from yeeting your soul from your body. Good job. Second highest is Dexterity, painting lifesized waves in the air around you doesn't actually need all the backflips, you just like to show off. Your Wisdom is also pretty good, it's hard to paint things you can't see well, and again that whole "mental fortitude" thing. Your Constitution is pretty good, you handle all-nighters pretty well. That means your Strength isn't great, but we're dumping Intelligence. You're kind of a hick, after all. Plus, really? Swordbeauties?

Class Levels

Bard 1: You weren't born with the squid powers, so we'll grab those up a bit later. Right now you're just a plucky young artist with a dream. As a bard, you get proficiency with Dexterity and Charisma saves, as well as three skills of your choice. Performance and Nature will help you paint nature, and Arcana will help you find the squid guy in the first place. You get Bardic Inspiration, Charisma Modifier d6s per long rest, and you can give one to your allies to boost one attack, check, or save by however much they roll. Nothing like some tasteful nudes to get the spirits up. You also get Spells that you can cast using your Charisma. Friends makes it easier to pass charisma checks against a creature for a minute, but they'll know you magicked them afterwards. Thankfully, getting paid doesn't take that long. Minor Illusion helps you bring your paintings to life, but just a little bit. It'll create a still object or sound that lasts for up to a minute. Creatures can tell it's an illusion with an investigation check, or by touching it. You also get Animal Friendship- your dad can be hard to get along with. Color Spray weaponizes your paints to blind creatures in the area, and Illusory Script lets you write one thing, but really write another. I'm sure you can argue this should count for paintings as well. Oh, you also get Dissonant Whispers. You're a Foreigner, you can be a little creepy if ya wanna.

Bard 2: Second level bards become a Jack of All Trades, adding half their proficiency to skill checks they aren't proficient in. You're an anime character, it's an unwritten rule you should be good at everything. You also get a Song of Rest, adding a d6 to healing your party does over a short rest. On top of that, your bardic inspiration becomes Magical Inspiration, letting your allies add it to the damage or healing of a spell. Finally, grab the spell Silent Image for moving images, so now you can paint birds and/or waves and have them look just like the real thing. Now, third level of bard is where things start getting funky, so before we can do that, let's make a deal.

Warlock 1: Bouncing over to warlock lets you become a Hexblade, which sounds kind of weird, but there's a reason for that. You don't do weird mind stuff like the GOOlocks, and you don't really use Tentacles like the Fathomlocks. What you do need though, is a fancy magic brush, and a fancy magic octopus. There isn't a familiar-based subclass yet, so we had to go with the weapon-based one, and we'll pick up your dad later. Anyways, starting off as a Hexblade lets you invoke a Hexblade's Curse as a bonus action, dealing your proficiency in extra damage to the cursed creature, crit on 19s, and heal yourself when the cursed creature dies. The curse lasts 1 minute, and you can use this once per short rest. Hokusai also become a Hex Warrior, turning one non-two-handed weapon into a special weapon at the end of a long rest. Now your brush uses your Charisma to attack, nice. Unfortunately, this doesn't include magical damage, but you can stack this with Shillelagh if you really need to. You also get another set of spells with your Pact Magic. These slots recharge on short rests, and it means your multiclassing doesn't mix slots like most spellcasting classes would. You can still use one kind of slot to cast the other kind of spells though. Speaking of spells, grab Eldritch Blast for some paint splashes, and Mage Hand for a pseudo-octopus that'll grab things for you. Cause Fear lets you paint a really creepy thing one target can see, forcing a wisdom save and scaring them if they fail. Arms of Hadar will give you a little bit of tentacles, as a treat. They'll force a strength save on creatures near you, dealing necrotic damage and making them too gooey to take reactions.

Warlock 2: Second level warlocks get Eldritch Invocations, mini-feats to help you cope with only having two spell slots. Grab Armor of Shadows for free Mage Armor on yourself at will. Your family is your armor, and I mean that literally. Stop wearing your dad, it's creepy. You also get a second one, but we're saving that for the next level. Don't not take one now though, I'm just saying it won't matter in the long run.

Bard 3: Now that your pact is sealed, we can get the real living paintings going. If you're thinking 'bout an inking feel free to shuffle levels around, I just want to hit Font of Inspiration quickly. As a Creation bard, Hokusai gets an Inkling of Potential, adding extra effects to her bardic inspiration. Ability checks let the user roll twice, attack rolls deal extra thunder damage, and saving throws add temporary HP to the user. She can also enact the Performance of Creation, creating a nonmagical item nearby. Currently it must cost less than 20 times your bard level, and it has to be medium or smaller. You can do this once per long rest, or by spending a 2nd level slot, but doing so destroys the first object if it still exists. Right now this only makes medium objects, but a 5' wave of water is nothing to sneeze at. You also get Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency them. Pick up Insight and Performance for the ultimate style-copying skills. Finally, you get second level spells. We can't focus too much on non-charisma abilities, but this'll give you a leg up on seeing the true nature of things. It gives you advantage on any one kind of ability check for up to a minute.

Bard 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Charisma. Now you have more inspiration, better spells, and a bigger brush. Charisma's good, you'll like charisma. You can also paint Dancing Lights and a Phantasmal Force now. The former lights up an area, the latter creates a phantasmal creature or object that only one creature can see for up to a minute. It can break the illusion with an Investigation check, but until then it treats the thing as completely real, rationalizing away inconsistencies. It also can take a bit of psychic damage if the illusion would cause harm within 5' of itself.

Bard 5: Fifth level bards become a Font of Inspiration like we talked about earlier, giving you inspiration recharges on short rests instead of long ones. Your inspiration also jumps to d8s. Finally, grab Major Image for more major illusions than minor image. It creates an object up to 20' on each side, and includes effects like sound, smell, and temperature, as long as they wouldn't deal damage. You can also move the illusion using your action. Same rules apply to breaking it though- investigation check or just touching it.

Warlock 3: Finally back in warlock, you get your pact boon, and the Pact of the Chain gives you Find Familiar as a ritual, and you can skip your own attack to attack with your familiar. Wildly enough, Octopus is already a rules as written option for Find Familiar. Awkward point; octopi can only be out of water for 30 minutes. Good luck with that! On top of that, Mirror Image lets you paint duplicates of yourself, making it harder to hit you. Boom, evade skill achieved. You get three extra copies, and every time you get hit, there's only a 25% chance of actually hitting the real one. If an illusion gets hit, it's destroyed, so the odds go up to 33%, then 50%. You also put in the Investment of the Chain Master, giving your dad a flying speed, the ability to attack as a bonus action, magical weapons, your DC for saves, and you can react to give the little bugger resistance to one instance of damage. Literally everyone else's dad is dead already, try not to add one more to the pile. Except for Romani's, but that's sad in its own way.

Warlock 4: Another ASI, max out your Charisma. It's good, you use it for literally everything. For spells, Mind Sliver deals psychic damage an makes the target's next save a bit harder to make. You also get a Crown of Madness, which gives you control over a creature's attack action. Just because you're less spooky than Abby doesn't mean you're not spooky.

Warlock 5: Fifth level warlocks get a new invocation and third level spell. Summon Shadowspawn lets you paint one of three kinds of shadowspawn, creepy little things that can scare people by screaming at them. They'll obey your commands, and it'll last up to an hour, until they hit 0 HP, or you drop concentration. Your last invocation is the Gift of the Depths, letting you breathe underwater and swim as fast as you can walk. Now it's slightly less awkward to carry your dad around, yay. You can also cast Water Breathing for free once per long rest.

Bard 6: Finally back in bard now, sixth level creation bards can put on an Animating Performance, turning a large or smaller item into a Dancing Item with its own stats and everything. You have to use your bonus action to command it in battle, but you can inspire people at the same time. I'm not sure how well animating water would work, but it's something to look into. You also learn how to Countercharm, spending your action to give creatures near you advantage on saves against being charmed or frightened. For something better, grab Intellect Fortress. For up to an hour, you'll resist psychic damage, and you get advantage on all Int, Wis, and Chr saves.

Bard 7: Seventh level bards get fourth level spells, like Hallucinatory Terrain! Now you can paint a landscape- literally! It's only 150' in range, but that's still plenty of space to mess with people. It doesn't really change anything, but forcing people to look at non-euclidean geometry is its own reward.

Bard 8: Another ASI. Bump up your Dex now so you're less likely to get hit, then grab Phantasmal Killer to paint a scary creature that will follow the target around and beat them up. It's a shame only one creature gets to see it.

Bard 9: Ninth level bards get a better song of rest, but more importantly you get fifth level spells. Legend Lore will help you see the true meaning of things more easily, and the more you already know about something the more you'll learn. That's why your Arcana and Nature skills are so high. Oh, wait, sorry, one sec...

Bard 10: And that's why your Arcana and Nature skills are so high... starting now, with another round of Expertise. Your inspiration also jumps to d10s, and you learn Magical Secrets, two spells from any spell list you can cast. On top of that, you get Prestidigitation to paint up small objects. For your secrets, Conjure Animals lets you paint up some real animals that'll attack enemies for you. Alternatively, you can Control Water to make those waves we've been trying to do with way less fuss than a Song of Creation or Animating Performance. It does come with the limit of using existing water, though you can also Part Water, cause a Whirlpool, or Redirect Flow with this one.

Bard 11: Eleventh level bards get a sixth level spell, and True Seeing will help you see All Things in Nature, letting you see through illusions, invisibility and the like.

Bard 12: One last ASI; bump up your Constitution for better concentration and more HP.

Bard 13: Your Song of Rest is a d10 now, and you get a seventh level spell. Prismatic Spray is the return of Color Spray, but it's taken steroids. Now it deals plenty of damage of a random type to each creature in its area, or it has a chance to shove them into another dimension or petrify them.

Bard 14: Your last goody from the college of creation is a Creative Crescendo, allowing you to paint up to your Charisma Modifier in items when you use a Performance of Creation. Only one can be a biggun, the rest have to be small or tiny. Also, your max size is Huge now, and a 15' cube of water will make a pretty big splash. You also get another round of Magical Secrets, grabbing you Conjure Elemental for a more symbolic approach to flooding people, and Wrath of Nature to paint a landscape that'll really fuck with someone. The grass turns land into difficult terrain, the trees will slash at enemies nearby, Roots and vines restrain enemies, and Rocks will throw themselves at enemies, knocking them prone on a failed strength save. It's not mind melting geometries, but it's still mess with people's heads.

Bard 15: Your ultimate level gives you a d12 inspiration die. You also get one last spell, of the eighth level. Feeblemind will handle all the mind melting the last level failed to live up to, forcing an intelligence save and dealing damage regardless. On a failed save, the creature's Intelligence and Charisma drop to 1, and it can't cast spells, use magic items, talk, or understand people. The only ways to fix this are with another Intelligence saving throw (every 30 days) or using Greater Restoration, Heal, or Wish.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

Like the regular Hokusai, this build has a great deal of flexibility, with pretty good AC, HP, and physical attack options to get up close and personal, as well as ways to buff allies and attack with spells at a distance.

Speaking of spells, they give you a lot of crowd control options. You can create extra allies with summoning spells and Animating Performance, blow them away with waves from Control Water or Performance of Creation, or keep them tied up with various illusions.

You're also really good at fighting other spellcasters. Spells like Protection from Evil and Good and Intellect Fortress will shore up most of your saves against fancier spells, and you can use Feeblemind to completely shut down anyone who isn't a wizard or artificer.

So piss off your patron and kick the ass of their flunkies, easy! Wait, there's still cons.

Cons:

Okay, so there are some problems with throwing waves all over the place: they're hard to control where exactly they end up. Also, your best wave requires real water, which won't always be available.

On a similar note, you specialize in summons and illusions, both of which tend to require Concentration saves. Yours aren't that great, and on top of that it means you can only have one up at a time. Unless you're cool with an elemental running around willy nilly, but that fits into Con #1.

Your Familiar can only stay on dry land for 30 minutes at a time. If you're going to play this in a landlocked campaign, switch the octopus and last invocation for something else, it'll be a pain otherwise.

Okay, she isn't perfect, just make sure you carry an aquarium with you, problem solved, right?