#((the trauma bond is actually?? to some degree??? very helpful))

[roscvcins]

They NOTICED, she thinks, absently.

In the years that have passed, she has become the opposite of careless, but there's an obvious KNOWING - spelled out and exasperatingly undeniable. It's in the way she made it back in half the time that day, carefully scrubbed herself clean of the blood and smoke that wouldn't bother her on any other day, takes extra care to cover the metallic scent and conceal the cuts and bruises. The way she dresses purposely in the opposite way from when she goes on a job - more like the girls she has the time to watch, sometimes, in the plazas from her spot above, and different from the identities she wears like costumes.

She looks like - a PERSON, in these moments. A person with a life that is continuous, more than a role to play - a person with somewhere to go after she exits the stage, someone to go to, someone to be devoted to. And a person like that is harder - to control. It's because they've noticed, she guesses - that she sees him less - MUCH LESS, than they used to, than the days when they would be kept in the same room for long enough she began to wonder if they had been forgotten, if the world had ended in an instant outside, and they were the only ones left.

(But it's better this way, she thinks - this part can be her SECRET, tucked safe and sound away from him and from them.)

Hanzhu notices him first - she's watching, her gaze falling first upon his face and then scanning over the rest of him, the details committed to memory in that moment before she speaks. Then - she waves. "...Over here." The light refracts from warm brown eyes, soft and glistening. "...I got off early, so I came to see if I'd make it to pick you up."

@misericordiis liked for a starter!

[call-me-strega]

Dc x Dp Prompt #23: The Custody Battle Turned Romance

A freshly resurrected Jason is found by Single Dad Danny raising a de-aged Dan and Dani who goes "surely one more kid can't hurt?" and takes him in. Danny helps him deal with his catatonia, trauma amnesia, and other side effects of being undead without the need for a Lazarus Pit.

He takes the kid to a therapist Jazz recommended and supports him thoughout his recovery. They did some bloodwork and found out pretty early on he was The Jason Todd-Wayne but then he decided not to reach out and let Jason decided what he wanted once he was recovered.

Danny, Ellie and Jordan love and treat him like family in a way he's never quite had before even with Bruce. They’re just so open and honest about their feelings and never make him feel out of place. So when Danny ask if he’d like to reconnect with the Waynes or stay with the them, Jason chooses to stay with them.

The world has moved on around them, and so has the Batfam. Jason knows about Tim (and talked through his feelings in therapy). He knows about the foundation Bruce created in his memory and the way he very publicly grieved. He witnessed the news over Nightwing nearly beating the Joker to death. He knows enough to decided it’s better to let the dead remain dead. Instead, he becomes Jason Nightingale, eldest adopted son of a mechanic in the Narrows. The family welcomes him with open arms officially accepting him as a brother and son.

Danny supports Jason to finish his high school and college education and Jason decides to be a doctor as an homage to Thomas Wayne and aspires open a free clinic like Leslie Thompkins. They get his death certificate revoked under circumstances of resurrection (which is a thing that actually exists in public documents due to the resurrections that tend to happen in the DC universe) and legally adopt him so that he can go back to school. However, Batman monitors public records to a degree and this gets flagged in the system bc it’s Jason’s death certificate.

Suspicious, but optimistic Bruce informs the rest of the family what he has found out and ask them to come as back up for when he goes to find Jason. He’s investigated and is sure that the family who helped rehabilitate Jason is clean and nice people but he wants his son back. They others also wanna see Jason but are worried if this is a good idea since Jason hasn’t reach out himself and there is paperwork for an adoption in the system. But Bruce decides to track them down anyway.

Bruce shows up as the Nightingale’s door and asks to see Jason. Danny, sympathetic, agrees on the condition Jason wants to see him. Jason is hesitant, but decided it would be good way for both of them to get closure and agrees. Bruce and Jason have a tearful reunion and a long heartfelt conversation at the end of which Bruce says “Let’s go home son”. To which Jason has to awkwardly break it to him, but he has no intention of leaving the Nightingale’s and returning to the Manor. He lets him know that he’s open to meeting the rest of the family at least once more but that Danny is his dad now and Ellie and Jordan are his little siblings.

Bruce is devastated.

He lets the rest of the family know and they all make their visits while Bruce wallows in despair. Normally he wouldn let it go, but he just can’t stand to lose Jason another time. So he decides to take Danny to court in the hopes of getting visitation rights if not split custody.

It’s one of the weirdest cases to hit the Gotham courts: two dads who were never together in any capacity but aren’t antagonistic of each other, are trying to come to a custody agreement over their adopted resurrected child in family court.

Over the course of the court case Bruce sees what a good dad Danny is and bonds with his two “bio” kids. Meanwhile Danny gets to meet Dick, Tim, and Cass (Bruce’s legal kids as of rn) and gets to talk to them about their experiences with Bruce and how much they want to form/reform relationships with Jason. They do form a healthy respect for each other, and accept each other’s places in Jason’s life.

Court case ends up working out in favor of Danny. It’s split custody but he gets custody of Jason majority of the time (as per Jason’s own wishes) and Bruce and the Wayne's still have partial custody and open contact with the Nightingales.

Over the years kids all start to see each other as siblings and both Bruce and Danny as their dads. By the time Damian shows up Bruce and Danny have been functionally co-parenting each others kids for years. They provide support to each other’s kids that the other parent may not be well equipped to, but helping each other improve.

When Damian does arrive his superiority complex is quickly curbed and Bruce puts him into counseling on Danny and Jason’s recommendation. It takes a while, but Damien slowly finally opens up and gets to act like a real kid. Ellie and Jordan, who are around the same age (maybe a bit younger?), love having him over to roughhouse and play princesses/knights/dragons (but with politics and consequences). Sometimes they’ll go out and trick people into thinking they’re triplets.

It’s actually Damien who first suggests parent-trapping Bruce and Danny so that they can be one big family. He obviously gets Dan and Ellie to agree first. Then the three of them bag Tim and Cass. The five of them approach Dick next. Jason is actually the hardest to convince but the manage to get his approval. Thus, these guys try to set up the Oblivious Danny and the Emotionally Constipated Bruce.

And for Flavor, just when it looks like they’re about to get together, one of their past love interests comes into the mix, re-entering their parents’ live just to stir the pot. (Which ex is up to your imagination: Sam, Talia, Val, Selina, Tucker, Wes, Minhkhoa, Harvey)

[a-french-coconut]

do you have any lore/backstory for Will Solace?

A little bit, yeah !

First of all, he speaks French fluently in my mind : His last name "Solace" has obvious latin roots so he's not a native speaker but he learnt it at home very young and he practices it regularly with Clarisse, whose last name is definitely French (La Rue).

He got claimed by Apollo after saving a girl during Capture the Flag, and his older siblings immediately loved him.

Before the war, Will was super eager to help Lee out in the infirmary, and got frustrated when Lee made him do minimal work. But then, after both wars, he finds himself doing the same with his younger siblings and he understands why Lee did it. He loves the infirmary and helping people, but it's very time consuming and he wants his baby brothers and sisters to do something else.

His plague powers manifest under the form of little girl named Raz, and he recently came to terms with it and made peace with himself, and finally learn to accept his "dark" side. He's not a big fan on using them to attack monsters but he definitely uses them to heal : if a camper has the flu or something, it's less tiring for him to remove it by tapping into his plague powers than doing it with his healing powers.

I also ship him with Travis Stoll (I don't have a story of how they get together but I will soon, I hope...)

Will is an only child, and after losing so much of his siblings during the wars, he's clingy, especially with his boyfriend. Now, his boyfriend is also clingy due to his fair share of trauma I applied on him so they're two clingy boyfriends (:

Concerning his powers, alongside healing and plague, I know he can manipulate light in canon but I rather give him lie-detecting powers.

He doesn't like when people keep secrets from him, but he won't push you to tell him. However, he will indicate strongly that he doesn't like it. He likes to know everything so he can find a way to fix it, if he can.

Now, I don't remember how Will reacts to Silena's being a traitor but I don't see him forgiving her (explanation : in my headcannon, Silena is the one telling Kronos where the Apollo Cabin is at every battle.) since she's part of the reason so much of his siblings are dead. He doesn't outright insult her like Drew does in public, but he agrees with her to a certain degree : just because she did one last good deed does not mean it erases her past mistakes. In addition, he was on friendly terms with her, but just because he was friend with Clarisse.

I am firm believer of Will and Clarisse friendship : actually I am a firm believer of Will, Clarisse and Travis friendship. Will and Clarisse bonded over French and Will healing her wounds. In return, Clarisse teaches him wrestling and fighting, with Travis who inherited enhanced physical abeilles from his father. With that in mind, Will is not an exceptional fighter but he can defend himself against one or two monsters (I'll admit I was a little peeved at his characterisation in The Sun and The Star where he literally useless in combat. I don't ask for Percy-level of fighting but come on, he's been at Camp for years.)

I don't see him with close to Luke, because Will had his own big brothers, like Lee and Micheal, so his betrayal doesn't affect him very much, except for the fact that some of his siblings deserted with him. Same as Silena, he doesn't forgive him just because he sacrificed himself in the end.

All of those head cannons don't intervene in the same stories but overall, that's all I've got for now (:

[reverie-obsessingtime]

Why I think Sparkle is a maladaptive daydreamer coded character and who it plays part into her character as a whole: from a maladaptive daydreamer (and a character analysis)

(Ok folks, this turned out rather long so get your popcorn and water at hands reach!.....trust me.)

Hi!!!! :,D This is my second post here and it feels like it's been a decade but here I am again haha...

This time I'm here with something I'm more confident in exploring as, I myself, am a maladaptive daydreamer! :,)

And because of that Sparkle hit me like a TRUCK and her MADD (mal. daydreamer for short) coding makes me love her and go insane about it at the same time.(it means a lot to me ok?😭)

Sooo I'm here today to expand and shine light on it to the rest of the masses as there isn't much appreciation for Sparkle (which is understandable cause she is a character not everyone can savor) and I feel like her maladaptive daydreaming can help understand her way of thinking.

comments, reblogs and likes are VERY much appreciated if you would like to see more of my billion cents and share with others to further show me support :,)

if you have any disagreements, corrections, different opinions or such that you would like to discuss I'm always open to further discussions as I would love to receive back engagement with these posts (as long as it is in good manners)

Enough talk from me though, let's get into it already:

What is maladaptive daydreaming?

Throw the google definitions out the window, let me give you a gist of it from someone who has it:

it's a coping mechanism turned addiction that can develop from loneliness or trauma (it is also common in people with ADHD). It helps you deal with the current reality you are in by offering escapism but it differs from normal daydreaming because it becomes maladaptive (as the name suggests).

What that looks like is being addicted to escaping reality through it by daydreaming, which can make you want to trade time forming human bonds, hanging out with friends, doing tasks you should, even taking care of yourself (etc.) with daydreaming. Most of the time you don't even need to do it but daydreaming is so much more fun and entering than ur current boring life that you keep doing it anyway. It can isolate you and make you lose touch with reality (from one degree to another depending on the individual).

But people with MADD DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN THEIR DAYDREAMS. They KNOW they aren't real. Some might willfully want to believe in them but at the end of the day they know it's all made up. If you are a MADD but get serious delusions about it you might want to check more into that cause something is overlapping.

Maladaptive daydreaming is MUCH more immersive and vivid than normal daydreams (what can I say, practice makes perfect🤭). Some MADD will stim while daydreaming in various ways that have to do with whatever they are daydreaming for enhanced immersion (some will pace around the room, some will make facial expressions, some will catch themselves talking, etc)

The daydreams each differ from individual to individual and can be classified in multiple types, some make OCs while others imagine a different version of themselves or make a character similar to certain degrees to them.

We are very much fictional-stories-makers nerds no matter to be honest

Now that we got the explanation out of the way:

Why do I think Sparkle has MADD?

🎇Proof number one: her character story IV

..... *POINTS AGGRESSIVELY* like?? COME ON!! (my "she is just like me fr!!!" moment and what made me want to make this whole post)

Ok, ok, let me try to be serious about this 😮‍💨

Analyzing this alone:

"It's truly addictive to me" maladaptive daydreaming is a behavior that is addictive to the individual (du uh)

"The more I imagine, the more I get absorbed in those characters" Getting absorbed into your daydreams (and it being addictive) is a core part of MADD and what differentiates it from normal daydreaming.

"the wonderful and tragic situations I create for them, and the emotions they experience in those circumstances..." Here, Sparkle is talking about the characters she makes and how by acting them and playing their roles and their stories, she enjoys herself and is entertained by them.

From my perspective, Sparkle is an individual who finds the emotions of others and how each reacts put in various situations, fascinating, entraining and enjoyable to witness, observe and ponder on more than an average individual.

Which I think is something all of us MADD, writers, OC makers, character analyzing enjoyers and fic writers can relate to ( "no"? ok. now tell me your OCs tragic backstory come on~ come on~ ik you have one. No? Ok then tell me through what psychological horror you want ur fav to go through~ Ik you know that you want them to get tortured by the writers at least just a tiny bit....I know what you are.)

🌸Further more quotes from her character story IV:

"Lies? Come on, I'm not trying to tell a grand story or fabricate an eye-catching experience... I'm wholeheartedly exercising my imagination for my own sake. I imagine various lives, seek excitement, and then recreate them as best I can, and pump the brakes on my imaginative balloon just a second before it bursts."

.... genuinely what do you want me to say honestly, that's SUCH a MADD to say, pls reread how many times it takes to get it. Everything in that is just PEAK maladaptive daydreamingness. Genuinely I don't have anything to add that won't sound like "Water is H2O and 2+2=4" 🤷

"Seriously, having a script is far from enough. First and foremost, I must wholeheartedly believe that the character I'm portraying truly exists. Then, I need to imagine the other stories where the character would appear. I always need extra information to make their motivation logical and emotional."

Sparkle seems dedicated to portraying, grasping and understanding her characters by IMMERSING herself into them as much as possible. Going the EXTRA mile, such as imagining other stories they could appear in, making herself believe the character TRULY exists and informing herself about them to portray them the best.

Which, again, all writers, OC makers and fic writers who actually give more than two dice about their character can relate to as we want our characters to be most accurate and well written and for that we do all Sparkle said.

The "I must wholeheartedly believe that the character I'm portraying truly exists" strikes a chord in me because it's such a ??? NON MADD ARE NOT THAT DEDICATED TO IT JSJSKSJ THAT'S SUCH A MADD MILDLY CONCERNING BUT MADD THING TO SAY SKDHSKSN IK WHAT YOU ARE!!!

OK OK.

I can hear you going "but she is an actor, it's just part of being an actor". Ok Sherlock, but Sparkle is not your average actor. Case and point:

Sparkles love for the stage of acting and how it ties into her MADD:

🎇Who is Sparkle an actor for?

Herself.

Saying "she is so matriculated and dedicated because she is an actor" is only half way true.

Sparkle's love for acting and her maladaptive daydreaming are things that can coexist at the same time. (just like being a writer and MADD for ex. (yes, some of ur fav writers could have been MADD))

Which got born from which? We don't know but both are proof of how much she loves the other.

("But you said MADD develops from trauma or loneliness" YES!! And we still have no real idea about Sparkles backstory but ik damn well a "normal" person with an average fine life doesn't end up like Sparkle.)

(Also no, her character stories 1,2,3 and be at most half trusted as she says she makes them up for each individual both in her char. story 4 and a voice line.

They could either be total nonsense or parts and truths of her past but altered/heavily exaggerated and metaphorical. Pick ur fighter tbh.

"There are a few versions that are particularly popular." "Liking and believing are two different things, but people are more likely to believe in their favorite stories." "Lies? Come on, I'm not trying to tell a grand story or fabricate an eye-catching experience... I'm wholeheartedly exercising my imagination for my own sake."

She is basically toying with everyone who asks including the player for her own amusement and, honestly? Iconic.)

🌸She acts for her own entertainment.

Wealth, status, power... None of this matters to Sparkle. The only thing that can lure her interest is "amusement". (from her twt intro)

Her doing all this. Immersing herself into characters so deeply. It's all for herself and her own enjoyment. Just like MADD is for us and our own enjoyment and entertainment.

Not to be the greatest actor or for others recognizing her. In her introduction on twitter, she says: "I'm not exactly a person loaded with cool skills, and dreaming big isn't really my thing." Which says enough to contradict such ideas.

Yes, some MADD might go on to become writers or actors but some don't. And those who don't could still want to improve their characters FOR THEMSELVES because that will bring them more enjoyment, because they love what they do and their characters for one reason or other and want them to shine like they see them could.

🌸Sparkles elation is acting and MADD.

Elation: great happiness and exhilaration.

What makes her feel elation? Acting. What is her heavy immersive acting that is all for herself to feel elation intertwined with? Maladaptive daydreaming ✨

(wow, shocked, ik)

Sparkles Myriad Celestial Trailer: Behind the Curtain

Next, I want to talk about both her Myriad and Character Trailer through a MADD lens, starting off with her Myriad Celestial Trailer:

What struck a chord in me with it is her "conversation" with her mask. What is her mask really representing for her? The way I see it: it's her MADD and also, Sparkle.

At first she says it keeps on smiling even when she doesn't and that she can hide under it. While in reality we might not be able to smile all the time. Escaping into our daydreams through characters who can helps. The use of a veil to describe it can also be interpreted as choosing to hide your true emotions from yourself and others through emulating a characters happy emotions and state of mind.

Second, she says the mask imitates her face, her emotions, like a mirror showing her own reflection. When writers come up with characters, some might be similar to them through a degree with or without the creator even realizing. This can happen to MADD more since we are creating characters for ourselves and its a coping mechanism so emotions seep through unless we make a character/s that we want to share with others. It's also a way you can understand and grasp yourself better. In this particular setting, I think she means how through some characters she acted as (made by others) herself and emotions shines true,like that character and her acting were a mirror.

Third, it takes a darker turn, "when I'm smiling, you're screaming. When I'm angry, you're crying. When I'm sad, you're smiling". This could be her MADD taking a tool on her.

"When I'm smiling, you're screaming" like when you are content with reality but your addiction's screaming at you to be noticed, like an icky who wants to be scratched. The urge to do it despite not needing to.

"When I'm angry, you're crying" This is her "mask" empathizing with her, weeping for her anger and understanding it like no one else could.

"When I'm sad, you're smiling" this could be the situation from the first instance, but it takes a darker turn so I think the "mask" smiles because it knows that her sadness assures its existence.

Addiction is dependent on your sadness because you do it to comfort you through that sadness. Her acting and MADD is both her addiction and her elation.

From Sparkles tone, she might even be surprised at how, despite her deep sadness, the mask can still smile.

"You're like a face, steering at me" she says at the end. It brings back in mind the imagery of a mirror/reflection. But instead of a reflection, it's a different reflection, still a reflection, but not.

It reminds of when I see characters being depicted as steering into a mirror and they are smiling but their reflection reflects how they truly feel inside (emo ik)

I think that's what it's supposed to mean. Your true self steering at you, it's uncomfortable and penetrating.

Or maybe it's a blank face being unsurprised or just lacking any emotions or maybe the face itself is empty waiting to be drawn on an expression.

It's a very vague sentence, and I don't want to pretend like I 100% understand the meaning behind it, because it can be interpreted in very different ways and only an explanation by the one who said it can give us a sure answer. Maybe it's something we can't even understand with the info we currently have on her.

Overall, she holds positive feelings about her mask but she also recognizes it's kinda fcked up but she still chooses it at the end of the day for the elation it gives ("I am elation" ok girl.)

🌸In this section, I also want to come back to her:

Oh who is she?🎶~

Actually? Good question! :D

I think it was Sampo who commented that Sparkle's name is probably made up (which du uh)

But that is fascinating as well.

We see this girl at first in her trailer looking soft and innocent, nothing like the more.... eccentric person we know today.

If you look closely, she DOESN'T have the butterfly/flower(?) symbol in her eye at the start but she DOES at the end. Which to me represents how she and Sparkle were separate at the start.

"It doesn't matter how I am off stage.

When I'm on stage, I'm just Sparkle"

With the end of this video, this whole thing might be made up go, but that would be too pointless and annoyingly stupid so I'm inclined to believe she isn't fckin with us in this one. (for the most part)

That said, it seems like the girl Sparkle was before was performing for her love of acting, her madd, and for the audience.

But as time went on, doing all of this for an audience over and over lost its meaning (and probably drove her insane a little)

"When I realized that life was just a play, I wanted to leave the stage.

Because off stage, there is a even bigger stage"

Her acting, madd and elation shapes her way of seeing life and others. Why confine yourself to a stage when you can take yourself and your characters to the big stage of life itself and have fun with it the absolute bonkers way you want?

She is very much a Shakespeare truther, as he put it:

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts."

That's how her acting made Sparkle see things (to an extreme )

🌸Another thing is this scene:

"Im.... I'm not Sparkle

No, I am Sparkle"

Both in her Myriad and Character Trailer, she is actively conflicting with herself.

In this moment. She shows opposition to "Sparkle". The physical constraint is interesting imagery as well. Maybe she feels trapped by "Sparkle"? Like "Sparkle" is against her? Why is she? Because she doesn't allow her to be Sparkle(/herself/her true self)?

She separates herself from Sparkle at the start but becomes her after and laments that she isn't her than at the end, and only then, her eyes have the same symbol this big eyes have in the back (Sparkles) eyes and she becomes Sparkle.

Which, um, IS SO INTERESTING!??!?!?!

I think at the end, she gives into her want to be Sparkle and fully embraces it. Fully embraces the path of elation.

And I don't think Sparkle isn't her. I think it's still her, just more free, unrestrained version of herself that doesn't hold back when the rest of society those.

Think like how different someone with social anxiety disorder is when they feel comfortable with summon and lets out their weirdness for example. We hold back on many actions because of societal perception but she stopped giving a fck and WILL set up a hundred "bombs" on a ship to fck with people for her own amusement.

Seeing life as a stage comes with seeing the absurdism of if all and choosing to stop giving a sht and have your own fun and entertainment. Play the roles you want to play instead of playing the part.

🌸As for my take on this part?

Yeah, maybe the whole thing wasn't her true backstory, but I think it's not 100% false either. Or maybe it is and she sees it as her playing another role. The role of her past self how is so so different it's her own character at this point, right? :))

It sure was more realistic than all the other stories going on in the background (like come on, Harry Potter, Sparkle playing Herta)

"Who is the real Sparkle"

Maybe the answer is all of the Sparkles are Sparkle.

Am I gonna elaborate? Mmm, nope. :)

--------------------------------------------------------------

*cracks knuckles* OOOOOKKK this turned out quite long Jesus (never put me to write something about a fictional character in a few paragraphs, that's physically impossible for me)

Don't worry though, I'm probably gonna make a part two soon 🙃 (analyzing her Character Trailer, her design, her in game animations, who knows what ales, etc etc~) (no we are NOT done, we. are absolutely. NOT done.)

Soooo can you tell how much I like Sparkle? She lives rent free in my mind actually.

There isn't enough talk about her more deeply despite how MUCH there is to ponder on so I have to take it upon myself to do it 😮‍💨

If you made it here..... will you marry me?🥹💍

NAH NAH NAH JUST KIDDING 🤭

But if you did then thank you for giving me the time of day and I hope this post spark(l)ed some curiosity and interest into this little hedonistic gremlin! :D

(also no, I don't ignore, justify or support her racist remarks)

I do these posts mostly for myself but someone else to respond back is really nice! :,)

Ok, I'm signing off for this one. See ya in part two 👋:)

[rottenpumpkin13]

Responding to the Zack/Seph friendship thing as an ask because I have no idea how shares work and the comment space isn’t long enough :P

But as fun as that idea is- that Sephiroth didn’t do it because Zack reminded him of his dead friends- I honestly think it’s because he just couldn’t relate/was too distressed from everything else happening. I know CC happened within the span of like… five years? Maybe? And I’m not sure how all those events line up in the timeline but regardless, I think it’s mostly because Zack was young, a couple years younger than Sephiroth, and Sephiroth mostly became friends with Angeal and Sephiroth because he felt they could understand him, since they were also part of a similar “project” like he was and- I believe this played a HUGE part- he thought them to be the closest to his strength level. I think him being so far superior to everyone else in every way was what caused him to be separate and that was something he was very aware of, and now there are these two people who are almost as good as he is and so he knows they’ll treat him as an equal rather than as a hero, idol, or something surpassing a human.

While Zack was also undoubtedly strong, I don’t think Sephiroth ever viewed him as a friend, he just viewed him as Angeal’s student and probably didn’t feel like they could ever be equals. Because as much as I don’t think Sephiroth ever wanted to be different, I think he still had a good degree of arrogance nonetheless. Deep down he knew he was better, and he knew what that entailed, including always being set apart from others unless they were in the same league he was. There’s an argument to be made that Zack DID at least reach the same level as Genesis and Angeal did by the end of CC, but Sephiroth probably already had a notion of what Zack was like and his perception of him never changed even as Zack progressed.

Of course the events happening in the game probably didn’t help, so to that agree I do also agree with your assessment of why Seph and Zack never got closer. I mean his best friends basically both died and now he’s left alone again, and prior to that it doesn’t seem like Seph really knew Zack beyond just as Angeal’s student so they never had time to bond when things were alright, and afterwards Sephiroth didn’t have the will to befriend someone else- who he never saw as an equal, who he always thought was weaker- who would also likely die. If these two people who he thought to be on par with himself died, why would this weaker person serve as a decent replacement?

I have my own qualms with Angeal and Genesis- particularly Genesis- and how they treated Sephiroth, but in Sephiroth’s mind it was enough that they were willing to spend time with him and treat him like a human, regardless of the fact that they were closer to each other than they’d ever be to him. Great and now I’m sad about Sephiroth all over again 🥲 the poor guy really had nobody. It’s no wonder he went crazy. Actually it’s a wonder he was a good person for 25 years before he snapped, most people would’ve gone full Homelander a lot earlier.

Sorry for the rant, it seems like the question riled me up a bit 😅

I'm going to put myself in Sephiroth's shoes and say the emotional and mental exhaustion he endured from everything that happened in Crisis Core—from the training room, degradation, desertion, the Genesis War, Angeal's death, and then Nibelheim—would be overwhelming. If it were me I wouldn't have the energy to relate or form friendships with anyone after that and wouldn't want to, and things like that would be the last thing on my mind. That last post was just a depressing thought I had at *checks watch* wow it's late. I think it was the trauma and exhaustion from everything rolled into one blunt that finally got smoked at Nibelheim.

Though I do think Sephiroth cared for Zack in some way, part of that definitely had to do with seeing a bit of Angeal in him since Zack inherited his sword and all. I can't say it better than @altocat did in this post, but the signs were there.

And I'm going to politely disagree with Sephiroth being arrogant. I don't see him as someone who cares about status and being equals with someone or not. He was thrust into a position at a young age and grew up naturally isolated at the metaphorical top, but I don't think that made him arrogant at all, and if anything this isolation fueled the loyalty and devotion he had towards the few friends he did make. I also see Sephiroth as someone who doesn't open up to people easily. We know he knew Angeal for years before Crisis Core when they were young teens—and if you want to add context from Ever Crisis, this would be right after the Rhadore mission where all that happened, so Angeal's (and Genesis's) friendship came at the right time.

I would say Zack's did too, but again, plot context is key, and Sephiroth was already going through so much in CC. Also, kind of like you said, there's the relatability aspect and the age gap, but I personally don't think it was because Sephiroth saw Zack as inferior to him in any way.

[imakemywings]

i hope you don't mind me asking, but i'm genuinely curious about how you perceive curufin and celebrimbor's relationship, like from aman to beleriand. honestly, every iteration of their bond, whether it's generational trauma (tough love) or the loving father-son is wonderful (and painful) because, for me, both fit them so much. sorry, i just love exploring their interactions (especially celebrimbor's relationship with his other uncles as well), they have me in a chokehold.

Don't apologize for giving me an excuse to talk about Elves, this is the Talking About Elves blog! (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞ

This is a juicy question! I am obsessed with family dynamics, so I always love considering things like this. First off, I think via canon there are almost infinite ways to interpret this relationship prior to Curufin's exile from Nargothrond. Some are, for me, more believable than others--for instance, I simply struggle to buy Curufin, son of Feanor, as a lovey-dovey father, but there's nothing in the text that strictly refutes it.

I think to start I need to talk briefly about Curufin's relationship with Feanor, because I think he tries (with varying degrees of success) to model much of what he does off of Feanor.

I think Curufin hero-worshipped Feanor growing up, and that didn't really change much into adulthood. He even went into his father's craft, the only one of Feanor's sons noted to do so. He looked a lot like Feanor, he followed his father's footsteps in career, and yet--we never hear of a single noteworthy invention or artistic piece of his. Curufin's name is on nothing. Feanor's inventions require an encyclopedia, and Celebrimbor's work survives well into the Third Age (and arguably into the Fourth), but Curufin? Nada.

And I think Feanor was a very difficult father. I don't want to get in here about whether he was a good father or not because this ask isn't about him, but I do think he was a demanding father. He was brilliant and incredibly driven, and I think he expected a lot from his sons. Add to that that he had seven kids and only so much attention to go around, and the best way to get his attention growing up was to have an achievement. Therefore, I think all seven of them developed some sense of needing to earn dad's attention.

All of this collectively to me ends with Curufin trying very hard to replicate Feanor, but not doing a very good job. Ergo, he was incredibly demanding on Celebrimbor, believing that the best way to handle a child was to raise them to exacting standards, tiger-mom style. But Celebrimbor is a very different person than Curufin, and would have thrived a lot more under a gentler hand. Nevertheless, I think he did try hard to live up to his father's standards--it's just that Curufin could actually end up being harsher than Feanor, which means Celebrimbor actually got less from his father than Curufin got from Feanor. There's also the element of Curufin wanting to use his son to impress his dad, which didn't help (still after daddy's attention after all).

I do think Celebrimbor bought pretty hard into the Feanorian Kool-Aid generally though. He was raised among people who were increasingly fanatical; it makes sense to me that he shared their mindset, because it was the one that surrounded him his whole youth. I think he was all on-board with the revolt of the Noldor, but I think the kinslaying at Alqualonde really gave him second thoughts.

Curufin, I think, has and develops a much more "the ends justify the means" attitude, as well as embracing the Feanorians' descent into darkness a lot quicker than, say, Maglor. But Celebrimbor doesn't quite. I think Alqualonde unsettles him quite a lot, as much as he tells himself it was a mistake, an accident, something that will never happen again.

So he lives with Celegorm and Curufin and busies himself making a life in Middle-earth. By this point in his life, I think Celebrimbor has grown to regret choosing smithing and jewel-craft as a focus, because he can't help but wonder if Curufin would be less strict if he'd gone into some field Curufin didn't really know anything about, which wasn't related at all to late granddad Feanor. (He also wonders if spending less time together wouldn't be better for his and Curufin's relationship.)

And then they go to Nargothrond.

More background: I do not think Celegorm and Curufin, the latter especially, like Finrod. I think generally the Feanorians find the Arafinweans preachy and sanctimonious, and very annoying. So having to go to him to ask for shelter and charity is incredibly grating on Curufin, and liable to make him particularly nasty to Finrod even as he's getting help from him.

However, Celebrimbor thinks Finrod is a delight! Finrod is so much that Curufin is not: cheerful, optimistic, gentle, quick to praise and slow to anger. And he loves playing the uncle, so he's more than happy to take Celebrimbor under his wing a bit and get him settled in Nargothrond. In turn, Celebrimbor warms right up to him and is eager to show Finrod anything he's working on, because Finrod will find something nice to say about even his worst projects. Celebrimbor thrives in an encouraging atmosphere, and he gets from Finrod what he always wanted from Curufin. It has the effect of rousing some old childhood resentment about his dad's seeming inability to be nicer.

Curufin does not approve of Celebrimbor getting "too close" to Finrod. He gets nastier in response.

I think Celebrimbor disapproved of his father and uncle's behavior long before they were officially exiled. I think watching Curufin interact with Finrod revealed to Celebrimbor things about his father he had never wanted to know, like how petty and childish and cruel Curufin can be. And I think Celebrimbor was embarrassed to watch his father behave this way towards someone who had been so generous with them, even in spite of his rocky past relationship with Curufin.

So I think even before Beren showed up, Celebrimbor was reconsidering his relationship with Curufin, and while I think he kept a lot of these thoughts to himself as he was mulling it over, there was chafing in that relationship, but Curufin blamed Finrod and didn't take it seriously.

So when Curufin supports Celegorm in turning Nargothrond against Finrod and sending him out to certain death, after everything Finrod had done for them, I think Celebrimbor was not only horrified, he grieved. He loved Finrod! And I think he was disgusted that Curufin would support Celegorm's plan to force Luthien to marry him, and that they lied to her and imprisoned her.

The events of Nargothrond revealed just how low Curufin could go (and ofc it does get worse later, with the Second Kinslaying and the additional attempts to murder Beren and Luthien) and Celebrimbor realized that far from repenting for the First Kinslaying, Curufin seemed even less moored to any kind of moral code. So I think here he realized he simply could not go along with his father or his uncle anymore. At some point you have to ask yourself about the kind of people you want to surround yourself with, and I think Celebrimbor wanted nothing to do with them anymore. I think it hurt him, to think people he loved were those sorts of people, and I think he was crushingly disappointed in both of them, but particularly after Finrod's grisly death (along with the Elves who had stuck by his side), I think Celebrimbor simply could not justify standing by Curufin's side anymore, and the fact that Curufin never expressed any regret for what he had done contributed to that.

Feanorians barred from rebirth etc. but even if they were not, I do not believe a reborn Celebrimbor has a lot to say to his paternal family. He watched them only get worse from the point where he had disowned them, and I think by the time they're all gone, they disgust and horrify him so much that he really does not want to interact with them at all. I think he would go full no-contact if they were ever around each other again, and at best might accept a profuse apology for all the things they did. Even if they were committed to being better, at that point I'm just not sure there's any relationship there left to rebuild. I think they burned that bridge with him and there's no building it back. Civil distance is as much as they can probably hope for.

So yeah, these are my general baseline thoughts on it!

[pynkhues]

Thanks so much for all your meta posts! I’m a little late to the succession party so apologies if you’ve already answered this but having just finished the show, I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you understand the, for lack of better term, uniquely unsettling nature of the relationship between Kendall and Logan.

To preface, all four kids have unique and interesting relationships with and to Logan and I’m in no way trying to minimize any of the characters trauma. Just, there’s just something about Kendall being told at seven years old that he would inherit it all while at an innocuous small-town ice cream parlor that is upsetting? Almost sinister? I can’t help but think of the season 1 finale and the hug, the closeness that is somehow a combination of comfort, relief, foreboding, control, and possessiveness all wrapped into one gesture. I can’t put my finger on it but there’s just a disquieting undercurrent to some of Logan and Kendall’s interactions.

I’ve been trying to define why I feel that way watching so many of their scenes and I’m having a hard time pinpointing it. Do you have any thoughts? I’ve seen some fans make comparisons to emotion incest or enmeshment (which I think would apply to all the kids to greater or lesser extents) and predatory childhood grooming (which I think has some similarities considering Kendall was “groomed” to take over Waystar but I don’t think a more literal interpretation is really supported by the text) but none of it feels like a perfect fit. Would be super interested to get your take.  

You’re very welcome, anon, and I’m so sorry it’s taken so long for me to reply to this! It’s been! A big few weeks in an already very big year, haha (my sister has been in family court for the last nine months, and I'm her +1 / support person, and let me tell you, I now know a lot about the legal system I wish I'd never had to). Your question’s a really interesting one though, and one I’ve thought about a lot, because I agree – I think there is something uniquely unsettling in Kendall and Logan’s relationship, and it is something that’s hard to pinpoint.

After all, like you said, all the kids have unique relationships with Logan, but in many ways, there’s more crossover between their abuse than there isn’t. There’s physical violence, emotional incest and family enmeshment at the core of the Roy family dynamic, and Logan’s capacity to weaponise familial bonds in order to keep them all close to him and fighting with each other is pretty much one of the tenets of the show. Logan might’ve thought of himself as a sun they orbited around, but the reality is he’d never give them that much rope – they were always doomed to be burning their feet on the surface of him.

I also agree with you that grooming’s not necessarily the right term for what’s happening in the family dynamic, because I don’t actually think Logan’s a groomer? I get why people think he is, and he’s absolutely abusive, don’t get me wrong, but grooming implies a serious degree of intent and the formation of a relationship with the purpose of manipulation and abuse, and I just - - don’t think Logan’s brain operates that way? I think he’s much, much more of an enmeshed parent than he is a groomer, because I think Logan loves all of his children in the fullest way that he’s able. He himself was a deeply traumatised child who grew into a horrible and abusive yet still deeply traumatised man, and to position him as only developing these relationships with his children for the purposes of manipulating them is just something I don’t see.

In many ways, it makes it worse, right? Because every decision he makes isn’t one with an end goal for the kids, it’s ongoing and his moments of genuine warmth are only matched by the moments he leaves them in the harshest of colds. Like he promised Shiv Waystar not because he was grooming her but because for a minute, he genuinely wanted her to have it, which makes it a lot harder for Shiv to process than if he was always stringing her along.

This idea of promising a company of that scale to a seven-year-old boy, to me at least, doesn’t just read as unsettling, but as deeply tragic, because to make that sort of promise to a child that young isn’t about Logan’s relationship with Kendall at all, it’s about Logan’s relationship with himself and his past.

Think of it this way – we know that Logan and Caroline didn’t divorce until Shiv was (at least) 11, which means he was making that promise long before they split up, and in the late 80s, probably not long after Waystar had had that expansion into Parks and Cruises.

I think what makes it insidious is not the promise in itself, but the fact that Logan has no concept of the fact that Kendall would and does shape his entire life and identity around the offer. To Logan, it’s probably an earnest thought offered on a sunny afternoon, but it's nakedly borne out of a deep internalised trauma over losing a father he’d never know and inheriting a business from an uncle who’d leave him scars that would last 70 years.

To give it to Kendall is to let him wear that trauma - a trauma he doesn't understand - like a cloak and tell him its a gift.

-

I'm separating this because I think I'm less confident with it overall as a theory, but I think there is another buried layer here too that Logan potentially saw something in Kendall that was inherently mmm, I don’t know what the word here is actually – vulnerable, I guess? But that’s not necessarily what I mean. My point is more that Logan’s a man who had, at the point of having at least the Golden Trio, all the resources in the world, and while arguably Shiv, Roman, and (to a lesser extent) Connor’s various issues and neuroses can be put down fairly cleanly to Logan’s abuse and neglect, I don’t necessarily think that Kendall’s can.

The show never diagnoses anyone, but I feel it’s pretty implicit on the show that Kendall’s bipolar, which feeds into his addiction issues (people with bipolar are up to 59% more likely than people without bipolar of being diagnosed with substance abuse disorders) and it’s outright stated in the pilot that Logan saw rehab as the ‘nut house’, and that he pulled Kendall out of it after just a day in 2.01, of which the latter is canonical medical negligence. How much medical negligence played into Kendall’s childhood, and how much Logan’s personal history between his sister’s death and his first wife’s nervous breakdown, informed perhaps a need to have a ‘healthy son’ is anyone’s guess, of course, but I think personally that it’s probably a significant factor.

Add to that that Logan does seem particularly protective of Kendall, and that Kendall’s the only one who seems to fully understand Logan’s medications and health (even though Connor’s the one to understand the funeral plans), I think is telling. That maybe there was a genuine (albeit extremely toxic and power imbalanced) shared intimacy around health between them that opened up a space for vulnerability and affection that Logan never understood the weight of, and that Kendall could never let go of.

This is getting into tldr territory now, haha, but yes! I guess I’d say that I agree with you, and I think what makes the relationship between Logan and Kendall particularly biting is Logan’s simultaneous dependence and thoughtlessness. He leans heavy and hard, but loathes the signs of splintering, and I think he feels he does Kendall a kindness by pretending not to see it a lot of the time. Pair that with Logan having not dealt with his own abuse and instead projecting all the ways he’s Not Noah onto his child, I think it’s overall just a mess of a traumatised person not recognising their own trauma and dropping the weight and expectations of all of that onto their seven year old son at an ice cream parlour and never growing enough to know what they did is fucked.

[justmybookthots]

The Cruel Prince

4.5/5 stars

This book ruined me for fae books and I'm not even sorry. It also doesn't help that this was my first literary introduction to fae (Midsummer Night's Dream doesn't count). The prose is so lyrical and beautiful and had me feeling as if I were utterly lost in Elfhame / an otherworldly, fae-filled realm. (Also funnily enough, I read this series while I was down with COVID, so maybe the delirium added to the otherworldliness of it.)

What I Ioved about fae was that they couldn't lie. And Cruel Prince really does work that in parts - seeing Cardan use wit and cleverness and lies by omission to sidestep that "weakness" in him. Even until now I haven't quite seen a book execute that to the degree Cardan displayed. Books like ACoTaR just eliminate the inability to lie in their fae, which is a huge step down, in my opinion.

I also adored Jude, which is very rare for me because most heroines in fiction annoy me or they're either too bland for me to care. But Jude - JUDE - she was hardworking, ambitious and determined without being a special, overly snarky Mary Sue about it. She actually showed her smarts, imo best demonstrated when she outwitted Balekin (that exchange with the poison made me SCREAM).

Speaking of poison - she poisoned herself everyday, trying to build an immunity to poison. It was painful, and I cringed for her, but she did it. And throughout it all, she never had any special ability until the third book, which barely showcased said ability. Jude got through the trials and tribulations by being clever and cunning and human. She wasn't half-fae; she wasn't given special gifts in combat like Feyre - she was just herself in a world of immortals, and she worked her ass off to compensate for it.

But what makes the book for me isn't really Jude, though she's a big part of it. It's Cardan - whom I fell so deeply for; cruel, pathetic drunkard Cardan.

Was he a little too weak for my tastes? Yes. Was he a little too drunk, to the point that I found it repulsive at times? Yes. Was he kind of sucky in bed? Yes, though that's more because it's YA and they weren't going into detail about the spice.

And yet the way he spoke - how he could wax poetic and make it sound like a dagger or a kiss - OH MY GOSH. I also just love a boy who was able to be socially adept when he needed to, and manipulate people to his advantage. I loved how he had to teach Jude at the end of the first book to win allies over, and how he once (very exasperatedly, might I add) told her that murder (brute force / violence) wasn't the answer to everything.

I loved how cruel he was at the start and how he slowly became kinder, more trusting, more willing to love himself and accept that he loved Jude. And if there is one trope I hate in books, it's trauma-bonding, but there wasn't that. Jude's past was nowhere as wretched as his, and they never once felt like (... for lack of a better term) edge-lords pretending they were more special than the world because of their childhood histories. Cardan slowly came into his own without needing Jude to "fix" him.

I don't often feel my heart beat for male leads in books anymore, not for a long while. I've become very jaded, or something. I don't know. But I did for Cardan.

Shut up 😭😭😭😭

That's not to say this series is perfect. I have my gripes with it. The last book was meh and too short and could have done with more Cardan instead of him as a snake. I think there was a lot of potential wasted with that book. The first and the second are much, much better, though I still reread the third the most because they were far more certain in their love then. Also I do wish Jude was a little weaker just to seem more human, and Cardan a bit stronger.

I'm still mad at this series because it put me in book slump for a good bit. I couldn't get over it. It wasn't until some time later that I finally managed to start reading and enjoying books again. Even until today, I haven't read any books that portray fae as wonderfully as Holly Black did, and that is a problem because fae are everywhere, which makes my Cruel Prince hangover even worse.

Also, Holly Black can write her fucking ass off. She's one of the prettiest writers I've read. If there is one thing I hate, it's modern slang in a fantasy setting (to be honest, I just... despise modern slang in any setting... lol), but she nailed the prose for this book. It was so pretty and enchanting without it being too purple.

I need to get to Stolen Heir and I don't know why I haven't. I thought Oak was really cute in the Cruel Prince series, though I heard he becomes a real piece of work in the new book and I am very, very scared.

- Read in April 2023

[djmysteryreader]

The Last Girls Standing

I genuinely usually like Dugan's writing and stories since she writes a lot of fun YA and adult queer romances, which are a big part of my normal reading. I saw that she had written a YA thriller/horror novel and I thought I might enjoy it as well. Here's the thing: it's not her best work nor is it the best YA thriller I've read which is unfortunate because I wanted to like it more than I did.

We're presented with Sloan, a teen who escaped the clutches of a group of masked killers at a summer camp via the help of the only other survivor, Cherry. Sloan and Cherry began a romance during their stay at the camp and it continued after all the trauma (hello, trauma bonding) much to Sloan's mother's dismay. We also learn that Sloan is adopted and she was supposed to be going to NYU after the summer and is currently seeing a hypnotherapist to attempt to unlock her memories from that night since she doesn't exactly remember what happened. Sloan and Cherry initially both are still looking into the murders of their fellow camp counselors. They look at headlines and reddit posts together as a way to combat some of the emotional turmoil they're collectively going through. However, as the story progresses it becomes obvious that only Sloan is the one obsessing about finding the answers.

As far as the relationship between Sloan and Cherry goes, it's a teenage romance. There's a lot of emotion and some mistrust, a lot of mistrust on Sloan's part actually, and it's messy all around. In fact, Sloan's growing unease and mistrust to lend positively to this story and it does help in understanding the ending the reader is given. That being said, I just honestly found Sloan to be wishy washy and tedious. She says one thing and then something else completely different and she and Cherry have the same conversations and arguments over and over. The repetitiveness of those conversations made me want to just be done with the story.

Thankfully, it was a fast read and the plot does eventually move very quickly. Perhaps too quickly, because the ending was just kind of okay? It felt rather unsatisfying. And, sure, I get it. It's a psychological thriller. Sometimes the ending is up in the air and you don't know what's true. But I didn't feel that way about this ending. I felt like Sloan's character COMPLETELY changed at the end. Like a full 180 degrees into a different person. It didn't make much sense, other than the point I made about how her distrust eats her alive.

As with Phantasma, make sure you check your trigger warnings! There's a lot of graphic descriptions of gore and violence, consistent with the slasher movie vibe the book has as its background.

While I can't really recommend this book, I do think that Dugan has other books that are much more satisfying, especially if you like a sapphic romance. Otherwise, I think this is a skip.

[learningtogirl]

1

(nothing wrong with me)

2

(nothing wrong with me)

8

(huh, what?)

1. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

* My time working as a camp counselor at a place I no longer would feel comfortable showing my face because it was run by conservative Christians (thank god I escaped that, wish I had recognized it sooner). I certainly have mixed feelings now about the Bible portions of that (I don't think I directly peddled the hate at all? But I also was definitely not free of it at the time.)

But the rest really influenced who I am quite strongly. It pretty directly led to a big transition for me from being someone who needed structure to feel comfortable to being happy with winging it as we go (ideally within some known constraints, but still). Huge general improvement in social skills. Made me a much better guitar player. Got me a bit too comfortable with speaking in front of large groups and doing silly things that embarrass myself as long as it's making others happy. And also taught me various skills (archery, canoeing, axe throwing, how to run a ropes course, how to keep 9 year olds from panicking when they're stuck in the bathrooms for an hour straight because that was our tornado shelter).

But the biggest impact was probably the way it made me feel loved and included and truly a member of the community. I have spent the majority of my life being one of those people on the outskirts of groups, a part of it that everybody knows and loves and that's it. They don't actually get to know me or talk to me outside of the group and I never form those deep lasting connections. But the particular combination of relationship of friends/coworkers/sorta trauma bonding over the rough bits and spending literally all the time in this group of 20 people for 2 weeks of training before we started having campers and the way that I would spend a week working very closely with one person in particular, really helped me to feel loved. To a degree that I really haven't seen in many spaces since.

(Now of course that was just a feeling and didn't actually carry into reality for various reasons. Among them the fact that I am awful at staying in touch/communicating and the bonds weren't as deep as they felt and also the whole thing where a majority of the people disapproved of who I have realized myself to be.)

* Being trans. It's influenced .. everything. From the way that I always felt more drawn to the girls in my class to the way that I felt weird and gross and insufficient to actually be friends with them and have left myself in a state where I am very much a hug person and also missed all the learning process for the signs of when someone wants one/is open to it and have an incredibly deep fear of being too forward and seems as weird or creepy so I never initiate and end up completely touch starved. And it's not just hugs, that's just a symptom that's easy to point to. And then the years of drifting through life because I could tell there was something missing but couldn't figure out how to fill it. So I threw myself headfirst into academics which worked for a while (until I flunked out of my PhD program) and then various games and church and books and music and even sports and so on and nothing ever really kept me going. (The undiagnosed ADHD very much did not help this, to be fair.)

But it's definitely not all bad! The fact that I figured out that I'm a girl pretty late in life (started hrt on my 30th birthday, which was <1year since I had admitted to myself even that I was trans) has given me a lot of opportunities in figuring out who I am and what my style is and such that at a younger age I just wouldn't have had the time/resources/awareness of myself/the world to do. Granted I definitely haven't taken full advantage of them... And the way I've been forced to figure myself out has helped me embrace some new things I've been wanting to try, like dancing which has somehow become an absolute cornerstone of my life/stability in the 4 months I've been doing it! And like friends tried to drag me into it in college but I simply did not have the social confidence to enjoy it.

Uhhhh, ya, it's shaped me but I am definitely not one of those girls who embraces it and finds her life better for having been trans. I hope I get there someday.

* Theatre! Joined the tech crew on a whim in high school (tangent: I very nearly did not. I had been interested and then completely missed the message and was barely able to join. And then we had a huge class so I wasn't part of the run crew for my first show which really threw me off as a freshman and so I almost quit forever until my parents talked me into going back for the spring show because I had really enjoyed it up til that point.) It turned into a fantastic group of people to spend time with and really taught me the joys of physical work and of being a cog in a machine to make something greater happen. And the pains of when it goes wrong and someone blames you even though it wasn't your fault. Or if it was.

And then in college the bit I did gave me a great way to meet people outside of my norm. And connections I made through it led to the job I'm at now. And the community theatre I have found myself a part of has a very strange place in my life because it's a bunch of extremely talented people who love me for both who I am and my attitude and my skills, but also we once again hit the "never talk to me beyond it" problem. (Dammit me I hate myself so much for missing the chance to change that by going to the ren faire with a few of them, but such is life. There's always more chances ahead.)

2. show us a picture of your handwriting?

God no. It's awful and embarrassing. (Fine I will but in the morning because I'm sleepy and don't want to find paper.)

8. any reacquiring dreams?

Not particularly lately. There have been a few throughout my life.

When I was very young there was a specific one where I was in a campground gift shop holding my treasured baby teal (like baby blue but green tinted) baby blanket (real blanket) and then something started chasing me and I had to run through the woods and then the slow motion running thing happened and it was awful and I was never actually caught but I would usually drop my blanket and then it would be put into some kind of horrible steampunk crushing abomination that tore it to shreds. No idea if it ever had a real conclusion.

Then of course all the trans ones. Those came in a few main variants:

* primarily in high school was some sort of fantasy in which I was able to swap bodies with a classmate through some mystical mechanism or another. Dream portals that let us try it for a day, random chance, genie granting a wish, god randomly deciding to bless us, god "cursing" us for arrogance and making us prove ourselves in different lives, whatever

* also mostly in high school was the different world sort. Like a VR space where we could just go play board games with friends all night long while bodies are resting, and since the avatar could be whatever why not a girl? (and of course they magically accept me doing that and it's fine.) Or in youth group we have a contest where I lay down and become a sand sculpture and then friends mold me to be the fastest mermaid or whatever and then I unsand and have to race (conveniently of course these are always feminine forms)

* many many dreams about going back to that camp I worked at but as a girl (both counselor and camper)

* in college I had one about how cool it would be if I were a girl and were roommates with another girl (often recurring ones I may have had a crush on) and then for reasons decided to save space by sleeping in the same bed, but because they were bunked and small we better be sure we don't fall off by being in a single pair of athletic shorts together and holding each other close all night. These were surprisingly not explicit for how extremely horny

* and some more weirdly detached dreams in which I was, like, inhabiting a house or whatever and simply watching the lives of people go by. And then I could hop on board to someone and watch their life for a while and then leave and go back to watching wherever they were at the time. Somehow this always seemed like a delightful thing to hope would happen to me, whereas nowadays it sounds like the premise to horror that leaves me scarred

[vaxyl]

Pride Month is over...

But I'm still queer.

I specifically identify as a queer trans nonbinary ravengender person who is also demi-bisexual, romantically confused, polyamorous and sexually repulsed.

What does that mean?

Well, lets break it down.

Queer

I identify as queer. I feel like my identity and whole self are vastly different from those of others', something inherently weird and unique, and I feel rather proud of this fact.

I don't intend to "other" myself like queerphobes or ableists might, I'm still human at the end of the day, but I am very much a unique individual who is far removed from the "norm" of society's idea of gender.

I used to be ashamed of that, ashamed of being different, but have come to see it as a thing to celebrate about myself.

Trans

I have struggled with the label transgender for years now - on one hand, by definition, I am in fact transgender. However, I have trauma I associate with that label that makes it feel gross and uncomfortable to use it a lot of the time.

It's something I have to work on as part of my recovery path, and it's not going to be easy, but I'm not ashamed to be transgender even if the world seems to think I should be.

I just need to stop associating the label with bullying and abuse, but that's easier said tham done and I'm tired.

Nonbinary

As well as being trans, I am specifically trans nonbinary.

I am not male. I am not female. I am not both. I am nonbinary.

I grew up with very few strict gendered role models, being allowed to watch, read or play whatever I wanted really.

I also grew up isolated and had few friends, but the friends I had were both male & female - i wasn't very well socialised, though, and have had a hard time really understanding the difference between the two.

I'm aware of the physical differences between the male sex & the female sex, sure, but I don't really understand the differences between the female gender & the male gender. If that makes sense?

As a result, I've never really understood my own body nor have I felt connected to it - my body's sex is arguably female, but my actual gender is not.

(It also probably doesn't help that my reproductive organs are non-functional to some degree, which is fun. 🫠 )

I'm probably somewhere closer to the left of male, if anything, but even that's not accurate.

My gender doesn't feel very human, though I very much am a human being with intelligent awareness of myself and the world around me (to a degree).

So, therefore, I am nonbinary.

Ravengender

I mentioned that my gender doesn't feel human, and it's true. It feels removed from human gender and like an entity of its own nature.

I feel a connection to corvids, have done since high-school, and I think that influences how my gender feels in a way.

Ravens especially call to me.

I don't know how else to really describe the feeling other than that I feel that my gender and the gender presentation I wish to some day put out is heavily influenced by these birds.

I'm just Ravengender.

Demi-Bisexual

I am bisexual, I experience an attraction towards both masc presenting people & also to feminine presenting people.

I am also Demisexual, so while I can appreciate one's aesthetic attractiveness normally, I do not actually feel genuine sexual attraction to someone unless I develop a strong emotional bond with that individual.

I have to trust you, otherwise I feel no real attraction to you.

Romantically Confused

I am aware that romantic love and romantic attraction are different from other forms of love and sexual attraction.

I am not, however, very good at being able to tell the difference on a more personal level.

I love both of my partners, and I am attracted to them both, but are my feelings romantic?

I don't really understand what romantic attraction is yet, I wasn't really shown a lot of love and affection growing up to know how platonic or familial love feels like in comparison.

This has caused me issues over the years, but I think I'm slowly starting to figure it all out.

But I love Shaun and Simon with every fibre of my being, and my love for them feels different from my love for my godchildren and best friends.

Polyamorous

As mentioned above, I am currently in a relationship with two other individuals, Shaun and Simon. I am polyamorous, as is Shaun, though Simon is not but respects that I am.

I don't always understand the love I feel for people, but I have a lot of love to give, and I feel it all rather strongly as well.

Shaun and Simon have been helping me learn about the differences and have been helping me recover from past trauma where my confusion has been taken advantage of.

I would do anything for them.

Sexually Repulsed

I was always sexually repulsed, I think. At least since mid to late childhood, anyway.

Something about sex and nudity makes me feel ill, sex is just so gross and invasive to me, while I feel nudity is a thing that should be private???

That's for yourself and, maybe, your most trusted partners.

(Maybe having CSI be my first introduction to sex was maybe not a good thing? Whoops.)

I also have trauma that has increased my repulsion x1000.

My boyfriends are both very understanding of this, though, and have been trying to help me tolerate my repulsion.

I have a long way to go and may never fully recover, but I am less repulsed now than I was back in 2020 at least.

I don't think Shaun and Simon will ever understand what this means to me as someone who has been made to feel broken for being sexually repulsed by former partners in the past.

Other Things To Note

I am 24 years old, having only realised I was queer at 13 but not accepting it until I was 19.

I still have a lot to learn, as well as a lot to unlearn from my very queerphobic family and town, and as I learn more the way I identify may very well change.

As we define new labels, I could one day realise that "nonbinary" no longer fits me best and change labels.

There may even be labels out there already that better suit me, but I just haven't found them yet to start using them.

But as of right now, the words I have used here today are the ones that feel most accurate.

I am also disabled and are neurodivergent - I have no official diagnosis, but we believe I'm autistic & have ocd.

I'm currently on a very backed up waiting list trying to get an autism assessment, but it could be years before anything actually happens with that.

Regardless, I feel these things also influence my identity.

I'm not nonbinary or whatever because I'm autistic etc. - but being autistic colours how I experience the world and, ultimately, my own identity.

To ignore this would be to ignore my own experiences and my overall identity.

In Conclusion

I am many things, but above all else... I'm proud to be queer.

I have trauma to recover from and poor teachings to unlearn, but I really am proud of myself.

I've come a long way already.

Happy Pride Month, everyone.

May next year be kind to us all.

I Am

I am Mx. Vaxyl Lynias Daniel Ravendawn, aka Vax or Vaxxy or Dan or Danny or Raven.

I use They/Them pronouns.

I am 24. I am Scottish. I am queer. I am diabetic. I am neurodivergent. I am proud.

[scumfkflowerboy]

I have a theory.

I can finally afford therapy again, but my toxic trait is thinking I probably don’t need it anyway.

i just don’t trust that a stranger, whose opinions and values and taste haven’t been vetted, would be able to give me valuable advice or provide meaningful insight. And the process by which you can vet these things to find the right stranger just seems exhausting—and maybe even futile, honestly.

Because who could know me better than I do? Who could ever learn enough in 50-minute, billable increments to understand my history and trauma and inner life to any sufficient extent? I think the answer is no one, but maybe that’s because I think being guarded and private is a sign of strength—being mysterious is cool. Or maybe I just think I’m smarter than everyone else. Maybe both.

And why the fuck would I want to talk about myself to someone for long enough for them to maybe get enough of my shit to help me? Why should I have to justify my values and rationalize my flaws?

It’s not because I think I need to change. Is that narcissism?

It’s because I understand the value of therapy in theory. And because I know there are things about life I want to understand better or reframe, and a professional opinion could help me with that. But again, it seems like it might not be worth it.

And for the record, I don’t think this take is unique or even good. I fully acknowledge that it’s toxic and unhelpful. But it’s how I feel. And if therapy taught me anything, it’s that my feelings are valid.

Anyway, fuck me, my theory is this:

Maybe wanting to reconnect with Sam is a way around my issues with therapy. With Sam, the work to understand each other and establish a comfortable connection has already been done, assuming she bears no ill will. I haven’t been to therapy in a while, but I also haven’t seen her in a much longer while—at least with her I don’t have to totally start from scratch.

I talked to another ex — let’s call her Chappell, after my queen Chappell Roan — with whom I’ve been on pretty good terms since college and have continued to keep in touch to a decent degree. Supporting my theory, Chappell fulfilled this role of ‘stand-in for therapy’ for years. But then in our last session the last time I saw her, I got too drunk and started to cross challenge the boundaries that allowed our relationship to exist in the way it did for as long as it did — boundaries that enabled us both to pretend like I’m not very much still in love with her — which, though supports the idea that you never really stop loving a person, made our pseudo-therapy very unethical.

Not that it’s not all unethical — that is, in the clinical sense, as it relates to, you know, actual therapy. I probably shouldn’t be relying on ex girlfriends to make me comfortable enough to open up about my feelings, and should definitely seek professional help. But again, I don’t trust it. Again, it’s toxic, but it’s true.

So I think I want to hang out with Sam again do some good ol’ trauma bonding.

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: There is No Devil by Sophie Lark

2.5/5. Rereleases 10/3/2023.

Vibes: still serial killers, trauma bonding, and continuous questionable art choices.

Alastor Shaw is after Mara, which has pushed her further into the arms of Cole Blackwell. As their feelings for each other deepen, they begin to reveal the secrets that have gotten them to where they are--while knowing that eventually, they'll have to face Shaw.

Eh........ I was less pleased with this one than the previous installment. What began as fun and campy (again) turned into a big trauma dump of a book. Also, it felt like we seriously dialed back on the serial killer elements.

Quick Takes:

--The beginning of this installment really focuses on Mara and Cole having fun and enjoying one another, despite the fact that there's a serial killer who most definitely wants to hit them. There's good sex, there's art pretentiousness, she's relaxing as much as she can, she's getting it good. I liked that. I actually really appreciated that the first book ended on a note wherein, while Cole and Mara were definitely obsessed with each other, they didn't really seem completely in love. This book serves as them really falling for each other, and that aspect I did overall enjoy.

--Where I think this book takes a sharp detour for me is the trauma bonding. There is a significant chunk of pagetime that is just Cole and Mara divulging their dark pasts to each other. And to be honest, I expected Cole would get a traumatic backstory to explain why he's a serial killer, but like... It was honestly... more maudlin than I thought it would be. Maybe that's because the first book felt like an opportunity to neatly avoid the trauma dump and excuses? And that was nice?

Additionally, while we got a taste of Mara's trauma in the last book, in this one we get a whole long chapter about it, Cole's POV about it, an illustration about it. While the abuse Mara suffered is certainly not implausible by any means, the way it's described is incredibly over the top (please, authors, avoid caps lock dialogue, you really basically never need it, I would prefer Italics at this point). Where I got annoyed especially is when, though Mara's stepfather was very much an active participant in the abuse, her mother is the one the narrative really centers on.

Now, I'm not excusing the horrendous actions of Mara's mother (she's very much guilty of abuse, especially abuse via neglect) but the way the novel frames this... Cole specifically stating that part of what motivated Mara's mother was the fact that Mara was becoming more beautiful and vibrant while her mother withered and aged... Dude, I know Cole is a serial killer and to be frank a clear misogynist, but it feels like the narrative supports his conclusion. Especially when Mara's mother is actually on the page. It's the "local woman is abusive because of how hot her daughter is" thing that I couldn't deal with.

The thing is, I liked it a lot when it just seemed as if Cole and Mara were a couple of fucking lunatics who just couldn't help but fall for each other. I supported that. I kind of wish they'd just been loons. To me, the book decreases its darkness and steps away from what could make it unique when it becomes this sob story fest attempting to appeal to like, the average reader. There are most definitely romance readers who don't need to have characters' actions explained away, and it feels like that should be the target audience for these books. Yes, some degree of trauma is understandable, but man. It took up a lot of this book.

--On that note, Cole feels a lot less like a serial killer in this installment, and in the end, I really didn't get why he killed, what he was realistically going to do in the future. I super don't understand why he keeps getting away with this; suspension of disbelief is necessary for this duology, of course, but we needed more details.

--There is a scene where Cole puts clay all over Mara's body. First off, not sure if the clay they were working with could actually be applied in that way. Second, it would be pretty uncomfortable, especially during their activities at the time. This is something I shouldn't have cared about, but did, much as I did with the tattooing in the previous novel.

--I didn't love that the framing of taking down Alastor Shaw became almost like... a moral thing? If it felt like it was a purely self-centered move on Cole and Mara's part, it would both make sense and entertain. At a certain point, it felt like they cared about stopping him not simply because of what he was doing to them, but because of the danger he posed to society. This would have been somewhat believable for Mara, less so for Cole.

--In the last book, I felt like Mara actually did want to go toe to toe with Cole. In this book, I feel like she largely just adored him. And I get why in theory, but it led to a much more boring dynamic. She just truly believes that Cole, while doing objectively abusive things to her, is teaching her how to survive in the world (he's really not). It's not that Cole didn't behave abusively in the first book. It's that when he did, Mara seemed to snap back, which also explained his twisted interest in her. She presented a challenge. In this book, she just sort of wide-eyed and compliant.

--Content warnings: still serial killers, still murder on the page, some pretty heavy physical and emotional child abuse in flashbacks and discussions, and Cole once again engages in consensual sexual activities in the book.

The Sex:

It's better than in the previous book, clay issues aside. There's more playfulness to the sex they have. I did appreciate the use of light daddy kink in this one, but I'll be honest. It just seemed a bit shoehorned in for mass appeal. Cole does not really come off as a daddy.

Also, there is a "remote-controlled vibrator in the panties" thing that is pretty fun. However, Mara literally doesn't know what this thing is, even after Cole puts it in her panties. And I've gotta say, romance authors: the vast majority of twenty-somethings, even young twenty-somethings, know what a remote controlled vibrator is. Even if they don't, the context of having your partner put it in your panties? Kind of tells you that it's going to be a sex things.

I actually forgot to mention in the last review. Mara doesn't know what a magic wand is? What? She seems pretty savvy, not sure I bought that she was so unfamiliar with vibration = good.

Unfortunately, this installment let me down. What I enjoyed about the first book was toned down. It honestly feels to me that this should have been one long book, as you essentially got a "fun half" and an "all emotions" half. And I love emotions, but this book needed more fun, especially when you're coming off of the tone of the first. It's not that the plot or ending was dissatisfying, it's the execution. Get it?

Thanks to Bloom Books and Netgalley for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[eutheroman1a]

**well this turned out to be a fucking novel, sorry**

Hey. It's been awhile.

Life is just about the same as it's always been. Still working my ass off for what seems like nothing. Still trying to finish my fucking degree.

But I started dating someone I never would've expected to be with. And he's been nothing but sweet and fantastic to me. If I could've built an ideal man from scratch he would be pretty fucking close.

But of course, me being me and having experienced some of the shittiest relationships you could've possibly experienced and coming out of them with huge trust issues and walls a mile high, I find myself doubting things.

You see, there was the long lived high school romance that soured because of lack of maturity and openness and both of our mental health problems. There was the brief flame that absolutely destroyed me with the abrupt ending with zero closure that started my trust issues. There was the 2.5 year cesspool of a relationship with a toxic, gaslighting, abusive, manipulative, cheating asshole that further wrecked my trust and destroyed my self worth and self esteem. And then boy oh boy. The creme de la creme. The big one. The guy who absolutely crushed any hope of a decent relationship. Almost two years of constant manipulation. Being dragged on with love bombing, trauma bonding, threats, you name it. I was cheated on constantly, played with emotionally 24/7, had my life threatened along with my family and friends, was physically assaulted and so much more.

So yeah. This man isn't anything like anyone I've dated before. He has his shit together. He treats me so very good. I love him, I do. But I'm terrified. I'm so so afraid that this is yet another game. That I'm being love bombed yet again. That this is a mask that will stay intact for a few months and then it'll all drop and he'll be just another sweet talking monster. Because this relationship has echoes of my relationship with Ryan. The flashy dates, the seemingly goofy and light hearted fun. It's exactly how Ryan and I's relationship started and it was so great in the beginning and I thought it was going to last forever. But he completely changed after about six months. And I can't do that again. I know I just can't go through a relationship like that again. It would completely destroy me. And I know I can't keep comparing this relationship to my past relationships because that isn't fair. It helps some that my best friends know this guy and can vouch for him but it is different being friends with someone and dating someone. People are different behind closed doors. There are moments where I know I'm being paranoid and unreasonable and I'm trying to work on it but it's so fucking hard. Like when he likes another girls picture when I know she was pursuing him at some point. Or when he doesn't message me back for hours when he's normally pretty quick with getting back to me. My mind automatically goes to 'he's cheating ' because that's all I know. And then I'm on the verge of a panic attack and there's a huge weight in my chest. I can't breathe. My heart feels like it's being ripped in two. And I can't talk to my best friend about it like I normally would because I don't want to potentially ruin her friendship with him or strain our friendship by putting her in the middle. So I just silently drown.

I know I need to actually talk to someone and work through my trauma but my insurance doesn't kick in until next month. And even then, I probably can't afford it.

I just don't know what to do. I'm scared I'm too damaged to try to have a healthy relationship. I'm scared that if this guy is truly a genuine guy and would be the same wonderful guy forever I'll just ruin it because of my trauma that I haven't completely healed from. I do want a happy healthy relationship. I want that more than anything. I just don't know if I actually know how to function in that time of environment. I don't know if right now I know how to be anything but distrusting and withdrawn. Things are different when I'm actually physically with him and all that doubt fades away but when we're apart I start to spiral sometimes. And that isn't healthy. I'm scared to talk to him about all this too even though communication has been open between us and he's been patient and kind when I've voiced my concerns before. I just worry he'll realize just how broken I am and give up on me too.

🙃🙃

[perpetualxfire]

[ scarlet ]  what is one thing you wish you could do?

[ ruby ]  give one random fun fact about yourself.

[Colorful Interview for the Mun]

(You got a couple of picks from my favorite spectrum of light here~! I'm gonna go ahead and chuck this under a read more since I'm apparently feeling SUPER chatty today.)

[ Scarlet ]  

What is one thing you wish you could do?

(I assume you mean from an RP perspective, yeah? Usually when this question is asked to an RP blog it's to gauge interest in plots. Even then that's kind of a tough question to answer! I'm trying to figure it out myself. In the past, I've liked to RP when my character is just going through it, because that helped me through my shit. I actually only recently put together... Well. I kind of knew, but not the depth of it- part of the reason I have such this tight bond with this particular fictional character is because she and I have a very similar kind of trauma from perfectionism and a desire to prove oneself and receive a kind of validation that's missing in our lives, and watching those avenues to do so get shut down. It's why I hate when people reduce her character to being 'competitive' - like.. you're right, but that's also incredibly reductive-)

(I digress, though; that's not the question. My point was that I used to use her as an avenue for my own feelings of frustration and desire for validation, but that didn't really... Stick for long. I used her as a less positive coping mechanism for a long time, writing pain for the sake of pain, because I felt a deep self loathing and wanted to write the pain to externalize it; I was all for injury plots, and admittedly still LOVE hurt/comfort plots (but it has to have both elements anymore - at the time I wasn't so worried about the comfort part). These tools don't really do much for me anymore, though, so as an RPer...)

(I wish I could get closure. I wish that I could single-handedly rebuild the community - it seemed hell bent on self-imploding for a loooong time. I wish I could write more combat! Writing combat is what got me into writing Carolina in the first place, but it's... I would argue it's ten times harder to find somebody you as a mun have chemistry with to write combat than it is for most other situations. It can't just be characters; even wildly imbalanced fights can become interesting if the muns have that chemistry and communication for it. That's part of what bugs me about the Carolina vs Meta deathbattle, actually - it had a lot of potential to be interesting and, like I feel with most deathbattle episodes, ended up being severely reductive to both characters for the sake of making a point, rather than getting into the nitty gritty of the situation. Why are they fighting? What's at stake? There's always something at stake, even in a friendly spar - be it a sense of validation from a teacher, a desire to get through a tough conversation, tackling an emotional block... While that might not be as true in real life sparring, I've found in writing there's always something in a compelling scene-)

(I kind of want to convince Sam to reboot our little venture into his covenant plotline he had; since one of the critical members of that RP isn't really around to continue it, I wouldn't mind restarting, inviting more people, organizing in a discord group...)

(I've always loved being a part of a group (see my forum rp background) and while tumblr doesn't make that easy per say, I'd love to give a three or even four way thread another shot. For the plot! The DRAMA! The action!)

[ Ruby ]  

Give one random fun fact about yourself.

(fdasfsadfs Just one? Ha. Let's see... I'm a little over a year away from earning a hard fought degree in Mathematics. Not sure what I want to do with it yet, but at least it should open a few doors, and I desperately want some open doors in my life, aha. I feel like Math isn't a commonly heard favorite subject or sought out degree in peoples who unite over a shared love of creation like the RP community, but I'm here, feeling my little bit of impostor syndrome amongst all the lovely people I've met who are majoring in literature or history or the arts... I can be creative too I promise!!!)

[hollowwhisperings]

Sora's not the only member of the Destiny Trio held back by Comp Het: it affected ALL OF THEM

Riku had a Villain Arc about it.

Sora had it hanging unspoken over his head through the entirety of CoM & KH3.

Kairi's used Comp Het as a coping mechanism to resist Change: the end of MoM has Kairi letting go of the idea of Being Riku/Sora and set out to learn who SHE is, as an individual rather than "one third of a whole".

Kairi's attachment to Friendship Trios Forever went largely unchallenged right until Fairy Godmother set one up & then (subtly) clarified that it was RIKU who was going to do the Saving. Riku is CinderRiku, Riku has already been Sora's Prince Charming, Riku is 'strongest' of the Destiny Trio because his isolation (forced & self-imposed) made him look Inward, allowing him to learn his own Heart.

Kairi's friendship with Riku has been shallow for a very long time, from what we see of them. Kairi studying under Aqua will naturally lead her to look at the Wayfinder Trio... and recognise how strained her own "trio" is in contrast.

The Wayfinders, obvs, have trauma bonding them BUT BEFORE THAT they trained alongside each other, grew together, confided in each other. It was Terra&Aqua first and they both took Ven under their wings. Ven is the perfect person for Kairi to confide in & receive advice from (Axel, part of 2 trios, was pretty helpful too but neither he nor Kairi were ready to really self-evaluate just yet).

Ven & Kairi have SO MUCH IN COMMON:

they have chronic childhood amnesia

their missing memories hold Key Plot Points and are deeply tied to KH's worldbuilding

both were the unexpected "third" to the lives of an established, longtime partnership of friendly rivals who were best friends before everything that came later.

both have had to watch their friends dance around Unspoken Feelings, Ven being in a less awkward position due to Terra & Aqua being Het & his being so much younger.

both have been kidnapped & held hostage by mad scientists (the same one, actually)

both have hearts of pure light, Ven artificially and Kairi due to being one of the Seven Lights

both have taken shelter in Sora's heart

both will be mentoring under Master Aqua

All signs point toward Kairi moving out of focus of the main KH titles (which, moving forward, WILL be Sora&Riku-focused) and into Lore & Worldbuilding Plots with the other keyblade wielders. Kairi's now connected with Axel (who can now give Kairi some Insight on how friendships change & adapt when "trios" are interrupted - Isa is back in Axel's life; Roxas has brought the Twilight Trio to the Seasalt trio & made a "Seasalt Seven"; Xion and Naminé will probably be doing some soul searching, perhaps inspired by [Riku] Replica...

Kairi's farewell paopu with Sora gave her closure on that part of her life, where she resisted growing up & apart from Sora. Now Kairi is free from her assumed role as "designated love interest" and, since her story is separated from that of Sora&Riku's, she can DO THINGS without risking her role as Sora's Professional Red Herring.

Nomura CAN and has written active, wonderful female characters: Maleficent, Aerith, Wendy, Tinkerbell (Riku's Neverland expie), Belle, Aqua, Cinderella...

KAIRI has been held back because the more spotlight she received in-game, the more fans latched onto Kairi's being Sora's destiny. There were (& still are, to a much lesser degree) also people who... shipped Riku with Kairi. Nomura EDITED A CUTSCENE to ensure that "Riku is Not Into Naminé" was Understood by fans (in KH3's original ending montage, Riku was seen smiling at Naminé: they removed the smile to clarify that Riku was acting on Riku Replika's behalf).

The Naminé misunderstanding exclusively because of fans assuming Comp Het: giving a bigger role to Kairi in a Sora game would have done the same but on a bigger scale. LOOK AT HOW THE ENG DUB TONED DOWN RIKU'S TRUE LOVE SACRIFICE! They inserted assumptions about Sora & Kairi that weren't originally there, something that also happened in CoM.

the SoRiku Ultimania has a beautiful essay breaking down how so much of CoM (which has been a Chekov's Gun in the overall KH storyline from its beginning, just waiting for the Time it's 'allowed' to become Text) was lost through an inability/inconsistency in translating the pronoun "Aitsu" from something gender-neutral but RIKU-CODED into "she" which removes the deliberate ambiguity and results in CoM becoming a MUCH more confusing game. CoM is SUPPOSED to be about Sora's trauma regarding KH1 & his now complicated relationship with Riku (& vice versa)... but the ENG defaults to using "she/her" in pivotal emotional moments, nevermind that Kairi only appears as herself in CoM ... twice?

so. Kairi cleanly breaking away from Sora's story means Kairi gets to be a character who DOES THINGS... without undoing all the work Nomura & Co have been doing in focusing on the relationship of Two Boys just because Being A Girl made Kairi the centre of everyone's emotional fixation.

while i appreciate the kairi/pooh parallels for the sake of soriku endgame, it also makes me sad soras losing his connection to pooh

like, we get s/k implied not happening, but god, at what cost