#(( PRETEND I ACTUALLY POSTED THIS ON THE 19TH TO MAKE IT FOR HIS BIRTHDAY

[variantia]

Anonymous said : *hands Bum whatever gift he's wanting* Happy birthday Bum!

//   BUM.

          Honestly, what does he even want ...?   Aside from the nebulous ‘   to be happy   ’.

          Still, he’s visibly surprised to get a gift at all ; it’s pretty clear he didn’t expect anyone to remember his birthday.

          “   O-oh, wow ... A MAGAZINE ABOUT BLACKPINK ??   Th ... this is really cool !   Um ... I ... I didn’t think anyone would ... r-remember my birthday ... hah ... th ... thank you.   ”

          He’s going to read it, but he’s going to read it very gently so he doesn’t wrinkle the pages !

[queer-cosette]

On Alya Salt

There are so many people who can speak more eloquently than I can about why relentlessly salting on a black teenage girl for a minor infraction is actually really horrible, so I’m not going to talk about that (although I am thinking it).

No, what I’m going to talk about is teenage friendship and how you people seem to have no idea how it worked.

I’m going to tell you a story. It takes place just after I turned 19 - so I wasn’t that much older than the main characters of Miraculous. The friend involved was 17 at the time.

Shortly before my 19th birthday, I got into an “altercation” with a couple of fellow students. Said altercation resulted in several instances of me crying on busses, a lot of support from my close friends (some of whom had had separate incidents with the same students), and one particularly memorable afternoon one of my friends recalls as the first time he actually saw me visibly upset. As a result, I formed a deep hatred for one of the girls involved in particular, a dislike that still persists to this day. Like, I hate this girl so much, if she said “hi” to me in passing - this being nearly two years later - I would deck her. That kind of dislike.

One of my friends - the relevant one - did not dislike this girl. She had never had an issue with her the way my other close friends had. In fact they often said hi to each other and shared popcorn at Game of Thrones viewing parties. I’m not into GoT so I was never forced to sit through an hour long episode pretending not to hate the girl’s guts. In fact, since we were on different courses and only shared a common room, which was large enough that we could sit on opposite ends of it and not actually be able to see each other, I never had to interact with her if I didn’t want to. And I really didn’t want to.

(So, not all that different to Marinette vs Lila, right? You following me?)

One time the girl I hated came up in conversation; my friend was telling me who had been at the latest GoT viewing party as we walked through a supermarket: “...and I think [name] was there too... yeah, we shared popcorn.”

“Oh, [name]?” I replied. “I can’t stand her, she’s such a bitch.”

My friend shrugged and pointed to a jumbo bag of vegetarian marshmallows. “Fair. Want to go halfsies on that and split it?”

And that was the end of it. My friend didn’t bring up the girl again - not in an evasive way, just a “there’s plenty of other things to smalltalk about without bringing up people you don’t get on with” way. I assume she did the same with the other girl.

To be fair, telling people you didn’t like them was a big no-no in the field we were studying (since you never know who you might need to like you later on) so that probably contributed to the lack of detailed bitching. (Although, said friend did laugh later while she was drunk during my drunken impression of what my nemesis was like while drunk herself.)

But the point is, good friends - like Alya Césaire - won’t make a habit of bringing up people you don’t like. Alya won’t pressure Marinette to give Lila a chance if Marinette makes it clear she doesn’t want to. And - get this - forming an opinion on something from a single source (like, deciding to dislike Lila purely on the basis that Marinette has something against her - something she hasn’t explained) is exactly what salters are complaining that Alya should be doing, then getting mad that she did that very thing in Volpina with Lila’s video.

Some notes:

I have no doubt that if Ladybug told Alya to take Lila’s interview down, she would do it.

Alya was still obsessing over finding Ladybug’s identity when she posted that video. Given she has since changed her goal (y’know, after becoming Rena Rouge? Remember that, guys?) she may well have taken it down already and it simply wasn’t plot-relevant. Miraculous is not known for its stellar timeline.

Alya is a journalist who has learned a lot since season 1. Like... not forming opinions based on a single source (remember that time she thought Chloé was Ladybug?). Honestly, Alya’s probably wondering, “Is there a legitimate reason to dislike Lila? Or is this some petty thing, because I don’t want to be involved in a petty grudge.”

She’s been shown to be understanding that Marinette doesn’t want to be involved with Lila (source: the episode ‘Ladybug’). And, because she’s, y’know, a normal fucking human being, she’s not going to be actively looking for a reason to dislike Lila.

All of these conclusions can be drawn from simply thinking about how normal fucking human beings act, specifically in the case of a close friend disliking someone they have no issue with. Also you can’t pick and choose the way normal fucking human beings decide to react to things.

Thank you.

[bigbrainblue]

19th birthday

It was late.

you don’t know how late, but late enough that you hadn’t heard a car pass in well over 20 minutes, the only light around was from the distance street lamps and the reflection of the moon on the ocean that stood before you. the only sound coming from the crickets in the hills, occasional wave crashing, and your own shallow breath. 

currently you were sat on a beach. alone.

it was your birthday, you had come to the beach from your birthday party. a party to celebrate the day you were born 19 years ago. 

the party was fine, but there sure as hell were a lot of people, way more than you would have liked

you knew people there, sure, but a good portion of the party was people you've never even heard of, just coming for a party and the booze. 

you had arrived with your friends, a lot of them actually, you had just managed to lose them all one by one slowly as the night grew longer and as your vison started to blur.

the people you came with were your friends, Niki, will, toby, tom, clay, George, nick, and Alex. 

you were having fun, drinking, walking around, socializing. but soon it became too much.

the drinking had made you obsess over every thought that came into your head.

you decided to take a break, have some fresh air, and now here you are. on a beach. alone. at night.

one of the thoughts your brain wouldn’t let go was about Alex, the boy you’ve known since junior year of Highschool. you two met when you decided to do a foreign exchange year in Mexico. it just so happened to be that the parents that decided to host you for a school year also were the parents of a teenage boy the same age as you, with straight black hair that stuck to the back of his neck and with freckles scattered around his face. over the next 9 months you guys became best friends, never leaving each others sides.

you didn't know it then, but you had fallen in love with this boy, this amazing beautiful smart caring boy. 

but eventually you had to go home, but you guys never stopped talking.

Alex eventually started posting videos on YouTube, and not long after, streaming on twitch as well.

you watched him gain fame as you supported him at the sidelines, cheering him along the way.

at some point he convinced you to do it too. you spent long nights on calls with him, helping you set up your streams and giving you ideas for new YouTube videos. 

with the help of Alex, you started to gain fame too, even passing him at one point.

through streaming and YouTube, you made so many friends, and yet none of them compared to Alex. 

speaking of Alex, you wondered what he was doing, probably having the time of his life, drinking an hooking up with girls a bajillion times hotter than you

*A/N HI OK IM SORRY IF THAT PART SOUNDED MEAN I PROMISE IT ADDS TO THE STORY OK BYE*

you laughed quietly at yourself thinking about how stupid it was to think that you could pull a guy like Alex.

just then you heard it.

a familiar voice from behind you, “what’s so funny?”

you looked back startled and confused

‘Alex? what are you doing out here?”

“well y/n I could ask the same thing to you, its your party, i noticed you were gone, so I went looking for you. as simple as that”

“i got overwhelmed in there, I'm sorry. i just needed some fresh air”

“ its ok, don't apologize for something you cant control. can I sit?”

“nope” you said sarcastically, hoping he would get the joke

“too bad!” he said, plopping himself right next to you in the sand

you giggled at his humor

neither of you said anything, it wasn't awkward silence, you two had known each other long enough that sometimes, it was nice to just enjoy the company of the other person beside you in silence. 

and yet, suddenly Alex said something.

“have you been crying? there's dried tear streaks along the sides of your face”

you turned your head towards his and whipped the sides of you face, seeing that he was already looking at you, studying you and your facial expression. 

“i guess. if I did, I didn't notice.”

“how did you not notice yourself crying? that sounds like something very noticeable” he said, putting an emphasis on the very,

you laughed, probably harder than you should have.

he smiled, happy to see you happy

“do you wanna talk about it? why you were crying?”

“no, well, not here at least-” you said gesturing your hands at the ocean 

“plus, there's sand getting in my ass” you added on to your previous sentence

Alex laughed and agreed, standing up and brushing off hi pants, and then handing out a hand for you to grab as he pulled you up.

you also brushed yourself off, and you weren't lying, cause man was there a lot of sand in your ass.

he started walking away from you and as you caught up with him you asked,

“where are we going?”

“you’ll see, its a great place, I promise you will love it” 

you followed Alex to his car as he opened the passenger side door for you.

“how romantic” you commented as you climbed into his car. poking fun at him

as he got into the car he plugged his phone into the aux cord, playing a song you had heard a couple times, but would have never expected for Alex to listen to it, it just didn't seem like the type of music he would like.

he set his phone down face up as the screen flashed up at you as he put the car into gear and pulled out into the street

you saw the title of the song he was playing, “Falling For U” by Peachy ft Mxmtoon, and his wallpaper, a photo of you two from junior year. both standing next to each other awkwardly as his mom made you guys take a photo together on the first day you got there. you wondered how long it had been his wallpaper for. 

you laughed and asked him about his wallpaper

“i mean you gotta admit, we look extremely sexy in that photo. especially me”

this comment from Alex made you break out laughing, even harder than before, as he started to hum along with the lyrics of the song. joined with him actually saying a line out loud every once in a while

it was a peaceful drive, Alex played more lofi songs as you stared out the widow.

eventually he pulled the car into an empty parking lot of a small gas station 

“is this the place?” you questioned 

“nope, just a pit stop.” he said

you both went inside, grabbing snacks and drinks and piling them into the back of the car. Alex making you wait to open them until you two got to your final destination

 eventually, the car rolled into a another small empty parking lot, except this one was made of dirt and was a lot higher up.

Alex had pulled the car to the edge of the parking lot, as you finally got to see why he brought you here,

you looked through the windshield to find a view of the entire city. 

you gasped in awe as you looked towards Alex, who, again, was already looking at you.

this time he wasn't studying you, he was admiring you.

you blushed, but pushed it off.

you and him both got out of the car so you guys could grab the snacks and the blankets he had in the back of his car.

he hopped onto the hood of his car and you joined him.

-

you starred into the sky full of stars above you. 

you gasped as you pointed out a shooting star passing over head 

“what did you wish for, Alex?”

“i cant tell you or else it wont come true”

“well then couldn't you wish the opposite of what you want to come true and then tell someone so the opposite comes true?”

“you're so stupid-” he said jokingly as he laughed.

“so, do you want to talk about why you were crying earlier, or is this still not the right spot” Alex chuckled at his own joke

“yes but, I have a question first”

Alex hummed in response, curious of what the question could be

“do you believe in love at first sight?”

you could feel his gaze on you, but you didn't divert your eyes from the stars above.

“do you remember the first time that we met? at the airport when my mom forced us to hug and take that god awful photo together, and when we ended up playing tictactoe in the car for an hour while we drove to my house?”

“yes? of course i do, that was simultaneously the worst and best day of my life. but that doesn't answer my question dumbass” you said, still not giving into his gaze onto side of your head.

“I think I just did, did I not?” 

it finally clicked, him looking for you at the party, the song in the car, the story

you turned your head to meet his gaze, finally giving in

he sat up and dramatically grabbed his chest, pretending to have been stabbed in the heart, enacting a theatrical performance

“y/n m/n l/m, i am dying, and you must know, that I am in LOVE with you!” he dramatically gasped and fall back down., pretending to be dead. 

you played along as you gasped and put the pack of your hand on your forehead as you spoke

“oh my dear Alex, I love you too, and now you will never get to know how much i loved you” you faked sobbed onto his chest

“maybe a true loves kiss will help save him” he whispered, making the scene even funnier and causing both of you to bust out laughing

“ah yes, the only way to save my prince, a true loves KISS!” you said before coming down and kissing Alex on the lips. 

he sat up with a loud gasp

“I am alive! a kiss of true love saved me!” you giggled beside him as you watched him play out his Oscar-winning performance

“may I kiss you again m’lady? for saving my life of course.” he questioned

“of course, you can kiss me anytime m’lady” you said back, pulling him into a deeper kiss

he pulled way first before speaking

“WAIT DID YOU JUST CALL ME M’LADY?

[sunflovverharry]

Allegiance - Fakedating!Harry

Finally decided to make a new tumblr for my writing as I’ve been wanting to start posting forever ago, but my former blog was marked explicit for no reason!! BUT here I am, shitting bricks that I’m actually posting my work.. Let me present to you; Fakedating!Harry

word count: 4.4k warnings: language, drinking, angst, fluff summary: harry and y/n go through the ups and downs of their slowly changing relationship pairing: harry x reader

!!!!! it’s my first time releasing anything I’ve ever written and i’m shitting my pants. this was so fun to write and I hope you enjoy it! please reblog, like or tell me what you liked about it, i’ll greatly appreciate it🥺 i have a series i’m working on atm that’ll be out soon (hopefully), along with multiple one-shots so look out for that if you enjoyed this piece (the series is fwb!harry if that’ll help you want to read it hahah). enjoy my first one-shot of fakedating!harry (might put out a part 2 to this sometime but don’t take my word for it)

It wasn’t the first family gathering I had to come with him to. Not even the tenth. No, it was probably more like the fiftieth I couldn’t say no to coming to during the last two tears. Two years of playing his loving and devoting girlfriend. His family and friends have known us as the perfect couple since he first introduced me a warm july evening two years ago. Apart from it being a fake relationship, it seems pretty fucking real to the outside world. Maybe we’re just that great actors.

July 19th 2018

Harry took a hold of my hand as we walked through the luxurious modern home in the outskirts of London. It is the first time I’ve stepped foot in this house - eager to catch every little detail as I slowly walked beside Harry. It was gorgeous and I hoped to get a tour sometime. Not that I even know if I’ll ever come back here after tonight. It might be a one-night thing for all I know, only agreeing to come with Harry because I literally could not find an excuse to save my life.

Being at a function where you know next to nobody except your supposed boyfriend is terrifying, but at the same time I had to hide my nerves in case anyone caught on.

Our family has never had any big parties or get-togethers except for weddings - which there weren’t many of. Most of my cousins decided they were off fine without a marriage certificate to validate their relationships. I supported them in their decision, but ultimately I want to marry the one I one day want to spend the rest of my life with. Not having the best relationship reputation it’ll probably be a while until a wedding where I’m the bride takes place.

The large double french doors leading out to the expansive garden were open for guests to go in and out of the house and to the garden where mostly everyone were mingling when we arrived. The engagement celebration of Harry’s sister and her fiancée was in full swing and it looked as if we were the last ones missing. That made it all the more terrifying. How on earth are we going to keep up the façade of us being in a relationship all night?

We’d talked about details on the way here deciding to go with our friends setting us up on a blind date a few months back. It isn’t far from the truth, but we were definitely not on a date. We had to accompany our best mates who were on a date, but for the most part we ignored each other only letting the talk and get to know each other. The worst thing is, it wasn’t even worth it as they literally shagged and didn’t see each other again.

As to how we’re now here together - I accidentally walked into him and spilt my tea all over his fancy suit clinging to his body. Cliché, I know. To repay him for the spill, he asked me to be his pretend girlfriend and like I said I suck at excuses so here we are about to be introduced to his whole family it seems. Way to take away the attention from the happy couple.

«Mum.» Harry’s hand slipped from mine as we closed up on the group to the left. I didn’t want to interrupt a reunion between Harry and his mum so I kept my stance a few feet behind him and waited for Harry to take the lead as he hugged his mum saying a quick hello to the rest of the people standing in the small circle.

«Y/n, mum. Mum, y/n.» Harry stepped to the side so I could take the short steps forward to greet his mother. It was the first time I was meeting a guy of any sort parents and I’m sure I was shaking as she pulled me in for a hug. It was warm and welcoming as she whispered in my ear.

«It’s so lovely to meet you finally, y/n.» I smiled at her as we parted. She kept her hands on my upper arms taking me in with her moving eyes. «Harry hasn’t told us anything or answered a single question about you, but now I can ask you myself!» She cheered as Harry groaned in the background. How was this lovely lady basically getting pulled into a trap by her 26 year old son?

The next few greetings went above and beyond my expectations. With knowing how insensitive and closed off Harry, I had imagined his family was the same - which looking back was unkind of me as his family are the complete opposite. Being here accompanied by his loved ones also showed me that maybe Harry isn’t as hard as he comes off as, he just doesn’t like to open up to the wrong people. I can tolerate and understand that, but he hasn’t exactly made an effort to get to know me, so I wouldn’t say he has a right to be heartless towards me. Not after I’ve done him a massive favor.

«How long have you been together then?» Harry had gone to talk to his future brother-in-law and sister and I was left seated with some family friends of theirs. I didn’t mind one bit spending time with other people than Harry. It was freeing not having to pretend and have his hand caressing my thigh and asking if I wanted anything from the bar. Sure, I would have reveled in it if we were anything close to friends or even lovers, but just knowing it’s him makes me want to shake him off.

«It’ll be six months on the 27th. We had our second date on his birthday actually and he didn’t even tell me! Can you believe that?» I asked incredulously. It wasn’t true, we hadn’t even met up on his birthday nevertheless been on a fucking date.

We sat in comfortable conversation for a couple minutes talking about Harry and me before he came back sliding his arm over the back of my chair. His fingertips trailed up and down my arm as he quickly got back into the conversation.

It felt oddly normal when we were conversing about day-to-day subject and talking about solely ourselves, but then I’m brought right back into the plain lie about our relationship.

July 2nd 2020

This time it wasn’t an engagement party though, it was a celebration of Marie and Jack having been married for 30 years. It’s a huge accomplishment and compared to every other gathering, I’m happy to be here. Though the fake relationship between Harry and I hasn’t been the best, we’ve certainly tried our best and his family still seem to believe it.

We’ve had our ups and downs in private, but always been on our best behavior out with his family - holding hands, laying my head on his shoulder, him kissing my temple and squeezing my waist. It didn’t happen all too often, thank god, but we’d shared the odd kiss or two at times where it deemed right to do so. I’m not sure I could bear getting a taste of his lips more than I had to. At his sister's wedding last summer when we were slow dancing somewhere in the midst of all his family and their friends we slowly leaned in - whether in the heat of the moment or because it seemed we had to i’m still not sure. Either way, it was a nice kiss shared between us when we were both drunk off of champagne and the love we felt around us.

Since, there’s been a few pecks here and there, but mostly keeping to placing our lips on the others cheek, forehead or hand. I do think Harry’s opened up, though only slightly, it still warmed my heart. We’ve had quite a few enjoyable chats whilst driving home or sitting in a corner of the garden we’ve spent most our time in at his parents home. I still don’t know where he lives, him picking me up and only going to wherever the dinner or party would be held.

We haven’t discussed how much longer we’re keeping the lie going about us, but it was starting to gnaw at me knowing we would probably part ways in not too long and never meet again. He had become a part of my life I’m not sure I want to lose. The beginning was horrible and we didn’t get along in private, but after that kiss at the wedding something turned in the both of us (I hope).

Up until recently we’ve been really fucking lucky to have avoided all questions about moving in together and a possible ring on my finger. Weeks ago when we had dinner with his parents the questions surely weren’t held away though. Babies, apartments, rings and everything of the sort were brought up. It was heavy subject for two people who barely could stand each other a year ago and by the end of the dinner I was more than ready to put an end to this extremely complicated lie. It’s turned into much more than the one party I agreed to the first time he asked me.

We had a nice chat about how we were excited to see his nieces again in the car, giggling about our memories with them these last two years. It was nice being so open and comfortable with him not having to worry about him being angry or quiet. He talked back and laughed with me and even told me a couple stories from before I was in their life. I’ll miss them and the rest of his family when we inevitably end us.

Marie greeted us just like she does every time we come by, for dinner, a party or game night I just couldn’t refuse to join in on - with a kind smile grazing her lips and the same welcoming hug she’d given me the first time we met and ever since. It was really something I was looking forward to when I knew I’d be seeing her.

«Harry, y/n! You look fabulous, did you force him to match his tie to your dress?» Marie squinted her eyes at me in a ‘I know he’d never do it if he wasn’t forced to’ look. And of course, she knew her son way better than I did and only laughed with her as I told her yes, indeed I even had to put it on him myself. Which was the truth for once.

«Hopefully we’ll be throwing you some kind of celebration sometime soon, yeah? Engagement, pregnancy?» She hinted at the subjects we tried our very best to steer away from at all times as we followed her back to the garden I was falling more and more in love with. For the most part we’d been able to laugh our way out of it.

Harry laughed as he took two glasses of champagne from a server for the both of us to sip. It would definitely clear any pregnancy rumours which I’m sure there were swirling around between his family members. This family does not like to take their time with anything, saying life is too short to fool around. I’m sure they’re concerned and suspicious of why we’re taking things slow not even living together when his sisters all got engaged or married within the two first years, but they’ll be let in on our secret soon enough I hope.

In one way I’d love for this all to be over and continue to live my life as I did before Harry - but to be honest I’m not quite sure how I’ll ever go back to that. Life with Harry sure has its pros and I would enjoy it as long as it lasted. Especially the expensive champagne they always seemed to have at every function.

A couple hours or so later the speeches were in full swing. I knew Harry wasn’t doing one as I’m sure everyone would think he’d propose to me at the end of it, so he decided to forget about it. After his sisters had said some lines each, Marie and Jack stood up at the head table right next to us. They looked as in love now as they did two years ago and it was incredible witnessing how the spark between them never seemed to die. I can only wish to have a marriage as wonderful.

«You want more to drink? Can have mine if you want.» Harry offered quietly before Jack asked everyone about how gorgeous his wife looks tonight. He truly adores her and it shows in every way he acts and speaks to her.

«Yes, please. Thank you.» I grabbed the glass of some sort of concoction from his much larger hand. Smiling up at him, I sipped the drink from the straw feeling his hand squeeze my waist to pull me closer though I’m not sure how much closer I could get unless I sat on his lap. We’d been touching each other considerably more than usual during the night. It felt good and with how friendly we’ve been lately I almost wanted more, just like how I’ve been wanting for the last couple months. More touching my thigh, more squeezing my waist, more kisses on my temple, more brushing my hair away from my face. He was addicting, inexplicably so.

Harry put his lips to my cheek as we listened to his parents speak about how their love was at an all time high, even after thirty years of marriage, four children and a couple of granddaughters to show for it. The softness to their voices as they spoke passionate, kind, loving words to each other was absolutely remarkable. It brought my deepest feelings out and I couldn’t help but shed a tear or two. I hadn’t noticed they were falling before I felt Harry’s thumb whisking them away and pulling my head to rest on his shoulder, another kiss planted on my forehead this time.

I savored the moment, the love I felt all too much for me while thinking about how this would be over far too soon for my liking. His family were growing on me. Harry was growing on me. I enjoyed his company, when he would open up without me asking or begging to know a small detail that probably didn’t matter to him as much as it did to me. He had become a huge part of my everyday life by now, texting him on days we weren’t meeting up.

I firmly remember the first day we hung out just us two. It was a Tuesday evening and we had gone out to eat - really only to grab a photo we could give to his parents who had been begging for one. This was around halloween last year, so we were on solid grounds by then.

At first it was awkward as hell, neither knowing what to say or how to start the conversation, but after we had ordered we soon got into conversation and we didn’t stop until we’d been sat there for three hours. It still baffles my mind how nice that dinner was and how I didn’t ever think ‘can this be over soon?’. Thinking back, I think that’s the exact moment I realized I might’ve grown feelings for the man.

The night had gone by in a blink of the eye, suddenly it was nearing midnight and we had just said goodbye and were making our way to his car. Sitting down and watching the house as Harry reversed out of the parking spot, I thought about what a lovely night it’s been. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed myself and this one party will forever be the reason I won’t ever regret fake dating Harry Styles. His mum made it all worth it when he didn’t.

«Would you like to come to mine for a drink before heading home? It’s still quite early for a Saturday, innit?» Harry didn’t come off as nervous or scared to ask me to join him at his place before sending me home. There was no way I could deny his request as I’d finally get to see the flat he resides in and I’ve imagined for two years.

It only took us around ten minutes to get to his flat, shocked to see that it isn’t as far from mine as I thought. He’s got enough money to live in a nicer area, but this definitely has charm to it and maybe that’s why he wants to live here.

The flat itself was victorian but with a modern upgrade. A luxurious kitchen with all the appliances one could need, a lovely island serving as his dining table that led into the living room. I wanted to jump onto the couch and lay there for eternity by only looking at how soft and comfortable it seems. The rather large L-shaped couch took up most of the room, but he’d made sure to have enough space for tall, wide bookshelves filled with anything but books behind it.

Don’t get me started on the dark wood flooring that looked as original as it could get. They brought character to the flat and blended the old victorian feel in nicely with the more modern look of the walls and kitchen. I’d love to have a place like this someday.

«You can sit down and I’ll grab a bottle of wine, sound alright?» Harry hung his suit jacket that he hadn’t worn at all on one of the chairs lined by the island counter. He moved into the corner of the kitchen where I couldn’t see him any longer as I stepped off my shoes before tiptoeing to the couch falling down into it. I was right about it being soft and comfortable. It was as if I was being lulled to sleep all I needed was a light blanket tucking me in and I’d be set for a good night's sleep.

Harry chuckled when he came out from the kitchen, a bottle of red in one hand and two glasses in the other, to see me cuddling into his couch. I don’t know what he does in his free time or if he usually has girls around his flat and this is a normal view for him, but right now I didn’t care. He was giving me wine and a comfy place to sit which honestly is enough for now. I don’t want to scare him away by talking about my feelings for him past midnight, half drunk after all the drinks I’d already had tonight.

Chatting to Harry was a breeze. We giggled before getting serious and then struggling to breath as we laughed harder than ever before. It felt light and good, like we were the best of friends and for a moment I thought I could live with that. As long as I got to continue having moments like these with him, I could deal with only being friends. Then I had another glass of wine and decided that I couldn’t bear him not knowing how I feel for one more second.

«Harry.. we can’t keep doing this. It’s not fair to the people involved, and it’s absolutely not fair to us.» My eyes were watching my finger trailing the pattern of one of his pillows I was holding in my lap. There was no foreshadowing to tell Harry that I would bring this up and I could tell he wasn’t ready for it by the sharp intake of breath that could be heard from him.

«I’ve thought about it recently and obviously we both knew this couldn’t last forever. I’ve grown a lot the past two years and I know what I want now. A fake relationship isn’t it, no matter how much I adore your family.» I could feel my throat burning as I tried to keep my tears at bay. The last thing I wanted to sit in front of him crying my eyes out. Still not daring to let my eyes reach his, I closed my eyes as I continued talking.

«The first year was awful. You weren’t nice to me and after doing you a huge fucking favour, which I still don’t know why you needed a fake girlfriend, you were still treating me just like how you did the first time we met. Then after your sisters wedding, it started getting better and by winter we were good friends. Something shifted in us, in me at least that night and I can’t overlook it anymore. It’s fine if this is it for us, ‘cause I can’t lie to your family anymore, but I need you to know one thing before I leave.» It felt so good telling him how I’d felt for so long, only one last thing to tell him.

Pushing myself to look up at him, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I couldn’t hold back the tears. He looked so vulnerable though he wasn’t the one holding his breath with a heavy heart trying to tell someone they have stronger feelings for them than might be reciprocated. He looked worried seeing me cry, but didn’t do anything knowing I didn’t want a hand to hold or a hug at this moment.

«I realized tonight that the night we first went out for dinner to take that picture for your parents was also the first time I understood my feelings towards you. It’s fucking insane that even after a year of basically hating your company, three months of us being friends was all it took for me to get feelings for you. I don’t want a fake relationship and I don’t want to be just your friend. I’m not going to say I’m sorry if this ruins things completely between us because I’m finally being true to myself and to you.»

Harry looked as if someone had just punched him in the face. His mouth was hanging open, jaw slack, eyes wide filled with curiosity. I had never let myself take in his gorgeous face completely. It’d only do me more pain than pleasure. Now though, I’m taking in every single detail I can before he either tells me to please leave or throw me out.

I removed my eyes from his face when his phone made a noise telling him someone sent a text message. It being close to one thirty in the morning made me incredibly curious as to who could be texting him now.

He apparently took his time to read it instead of responding to me as it was dead silent for another minute or so. Maybe he was replying or it was a really long fucking text.

Letting out a long sigh he dropped his phone back down on the table. It seemed he wasn’t quite sure what to do or say with how he dragged his hands over his face before standing up only to sit back down again five seconds later.

«Mum wants you to know that she loves you and thanks you for being with me, not just today but in general. This is how it’s been for the last two years for me, y/n. My family adores the shit out of you and I get at least two texts a day from mum asking how you’re doing and when she’ll see you next. It’s always y/n this and y/n that. You’ve invaded everyone’s minds and they’re obsessed with you.» Though it was nice hearing how much of an impact I’ve made, it almost made me more sad than happy. A couple more tears fell as I listened to him go on.

«The first year I tried so fucking hard to make you want to end it. Every time I asked you to come with me I hoped you’d say no and end it just so I could get you out of my head. You invaded my mind just like you did everyone elses and I couldn’t fucking bear it knowing we weren’t a real couple. After that kiss at the wedding I couldn’t keep my act together. It was excruciating being mean to you so I tried being your friend. I still to this day don’t know which was worse, being closed off or close to you.» Harry took one last breath before moving slightly so that he could reach over to hold my hands in his. This isn’t what I had expected and I still don’t want to get my hopes up.

«I want what my sisters have, what my parents have. I’ve wanted that so badly that I began thinking it wouldn’t happen as I’m 28 and still haven’t had one long-lasting relationship. I’d started to believe that it wasn’t in the cards for me - having a wife and a family. Then you came around and I these two years have showed me how fucking perfect you are and how you deserve so much better than me. But I’m a selfish man and I want you, y/n. Want you so much.» Not being able to keep away longer, I swiftly closed the gap between us, slotting my lips with his as I moved to straddle his waist.

It felt unbelievably good to kiss him like this, passion and lust clear as day as our tongues met for the first time. He wants me. I couldn’t stop saying the three words in my head as I let go to catch my breath. How in the world could I be so lucky to be wanted by the man I want?

I laughed as I wiped at my cheeks, removing the tear stains as well as I could without a wet washcloth to clean them off. Harry guided his lips from my jaw up to my cheek ending with a kiss to my shut eyelid. I had never experienced Harry being this soft and attentive, but it was all the more to look forward to.

«Maybe we can turn the fake relationship into a real one and not tell my whole family about it?» There was a cheeky smile playing on his lips as I let out another laugh. If this is what I have to look forward to - jokes, laugher and passionate kisses possibly leading to something more - then I couldn’t wait.

«Of course, Harry. And tell your mum I love her back and give her my number, will you? I’m still looking for a tour of their house after two years of you not giving me one.»

[writingfortoomanyfandoms]

INY - Hood Family

I figured before I put out the Fifteen Years Later fic I should do a little thing about the Hood family from the I Need You universe seeing as though previously I’ve only posted about the twins, so here you can check up on some basic information about the other Hood children, as with the twins I’ve left it fairly open ended so that we can expand on the family together on the blog and so yeah! I hope you enjoy!

Leo Thomas Hood

Birthday: 19th November 2020 (the eldest, by 27 minutes)

Nicknames: UNDECIDED

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff

Favourite Uncle: Michael (but he does his best to keep that a secret) (but also, given the choice, he’d pick Mali every time)

Favourite Superhero: Quicksilver (shoutout to @angiefangirlworld-2​ ‘s fucking ADORABLE concept from the twin night)

Hobbies: Football

Closest to: Maia (obvs)

Small description/blurb thing: Rather shy in comparison to Maia, very quiet and soft spoken, takes after Calum in that regard. He’s pretty smart, a lot more focused on his studies than Maia and the more responsible of the two twins. While he may not seem it at first, he is actually rather sporty as well

Maia Elizabeth Hood

Birthday: 19th November 2020 (don’t remind her that she’s the younger twin)

Nicknames: She’s got quite a few that I can’t remember just now but Mayo is sticking in my mind but she hates that a lot

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Favourite Uncle: Luke (and she’s not at all afraid to show it)

Favourite Superhero: Wanda/Scarlet Witch (again see the concept)

Hobbies: Painting, guitar (Luke taught her)

Closest to: Leo (obvs)

Small description/blurb thing: Much more outgoing, incredibly nerdy, though you wouldn’t think it at first, into make-up and again is far more girly than Calum or any of the other guys thought she would be but very sure of herself and outspoken, she stands up for what she believes in and is rather popular at school

Theodore David Hood

Birthday: N/A 2022

Nicknames: Theo

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Favourite Uncle: Michael

Favourite Superhero: Falcon/Winter Soldier (the duo, essentially he’s Team Cap)

Hobbies: Reading, superhero films, lowkey loves gardening as well

Closest to: Probably Leo, but he’s kinda the odd sibling out and often feels like he’s not very close to any of them, which is pretty sad my poor soft boy

Small description/blurb thing: Not quiet or introverted but he keeps to himself, he always has a book with him, gets good grades and is probably the most responsible of them, often gets sad and lonely, as I said he regularly kinda feels like he’s the odd child out

Sophie Hood

Birthday: N/A 2025

Nicknames: Soph, Soap (exclusively by Kara)

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor

Favourite Uncle: Ashton

Favourite Superhero: Iron Man (naturally it is a source of argument between her and Theo)

Hobbies: Singing, dancing, superhero films

Closest to: Kara

Small description/blurb thing: Definitely the loudest of the Hood family, Sophie is very bubbly and warm, often very impulsive. She always wants to make sure that everyone is happy and at ease, always very optimistic and a complete joy tbh

Kara Hood

Birthday: N/A 2027

Nicknames: UNDECIDED

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Favourite Uncle: She genuinely doesn’t have one and gets quite upset when they pretend to argue over it

Favourite Superhero: Spider-Man (she doesn’t properly understand superhero films but she likes that he can climb walls)

Hobbies: ‘Gardening’ (she likes getting muddy and planting seeds), ‘baking’ (helping her mother in the kitchen, keeping her company and the like) and imitating Kara

Closest to: Kara

Small description/blurb thing: She’s the shyest and most of the time just follows Sophie around, knowing that she really doesn’t mind her tagging along all the time. She’s the most emotional of them, likely as a result of being the youngest, but is also the smartest (though ofc that doesn’t show at the moment because in the coming up fic she’s 8 years old)

[theashofwkm]

I’ve been trying to write this post for days.

I don’t know how to do it. I don��t want to do it. But not doing makes me feel like I’m ignoring it or pretending that it’s not a big deal when it is.

A few days ago, on the 19th, my dog of 14 years passed away. He was going to turn 15 in December, but now he’s just gone.

I’ve debated taking a break from writing, from Tumblr, but I don’t think I will. Not officially, anyway. Writing will probably be backlogged, but it’s rare that I post anyways so it won’t really be noticed.

It’s just... really weird and it doesn’t feel real and I’m still fighting the urge to like fill up his food bowl when I wake up or to search the house for his next hiding place or to grab him before I go to the bed. It feels like he’s just away somewhere else and not gone.

He was a weird dog. I loved him.

Maybe on his birthday (the 10th), I’ll do a memorial post or something and give y’all some pictures because I know there aren’t any here. I didn’t talk about him a whole lot, actually, but he was a lovable old fart. I hate that this is the first post dedicated purely to him.

I just thought I should tell y’all, even though nothing’s really gonna change here. Maybe it’ll hit me one day and I’ll pull back for a bit then, but I just couldn’t let this all go by without saying something.

12/10 doggo. I miss him. It’s just really strange that there’s not gonna be anymore weird or funny stories about him anymore. I don’t know.

Maybe if you guys send asks I’ll answer them and tell you a story or something. I don’t know. Feel free to ignore this. Let me know if you’re okay with the memorial post or if you want it. I don’t know what I’m going to do, so feel free to shout at me in asks or dms or whatever.

I just wanted to throw the news out there.

[medea10]

Medea Rambles: Ash’s 1st Meaningful Victory (because nothing else counts according to the internet)

Oh for God’s sake, Medea! Literally, nothing better to talk about!

You just finished four animes today alone and must work on reviews. There’s a whistle-blower causing major havoc at the White House. Your birthday is tomorrow! Why must you poo-poo on Ash’s victory?

Because bitching at things makes me whole. Especially if it’s Pokemon related!

Because after five days of watching the internet lose its fucking mind over Ash winning the Alolan League and glaring at post after post of people bypassing or insulting or simply saying “it doesn’t count” to one of my favorite battles, I feel like ripping a new asshole in several places.

But first, DISCLAIMER!

Be warned, yes this is my own personal opinion on this matter. Some people believe the exact opposite of me and that’s fine. Your opinion is noted and I think you’re trash. Take what I say with a heap of salt. Because I’m definitely in the minority. So here we go!

So on Sunday, September 15th, 2019, our boy Ash Ketchum finally did it. He did what he couldn’t do in the past 22 years. Something we only saw some mystery guy in Kanto, a random fuckboy from Johto, a dude with Meowth in Boots in Hoenn, a troll from Sinnoh, an Eevee-hoarder from Unova, and a dickhead in Kalos accomplish up to this point.

HE. WON. THE POKEMON LEAGUE!

Not since the infamous kiss of Yuri and Viktor from Yuri On Ice or the 19th episode of Demon Slayer or Myne about to be executed in The Rising of the Shield Hero have I seen such a magnitude of people losing their shit about anime. It was so crazy that Ash Ketchum was trending at #1 the entire day, news outlets like BBC and CNN were writing articles about this accomplishment, and yes, special outpouring from fans and relations alike.

Seriously, you all should read Rica Matsumoto’s interview and watch the video Veronica Taylor put out.

But I just can’t help but be bitchy about certain things people keep saying. It’s like a drill to a tooth it’s that annoying. First of all, just because he won a single championship, does not make him a “Pokemon Master”. And secondly, there was a league that Ash won 20 years prior to this victory. It’s called the Orange League.

Yes, I know. I’ve heard it all. “That’s not a real league because it was never in the manga and games. This was just a filler arc to prepare us for Johto so it’s nothing in the eyes of Arceus. The Orange Islands are a distant memory and Alola is doing everything right that your little arc couldn’t do. Screw your cherished memories! The Orange Islands aren’t even mentioned in the latest Pokemon Guidebook. They’re nothing! HARHARHARHAR”

Let me catch my breath before I threaten every fuckface that said any such thing with a punch to the throat.

Just because it wasn’t in the manga or games doesn’t mean it doesn’t count. Since when do you people hold that into account? Ash is absolutely NOT from the Pokemon Adventures manga (other manga, that’s a given) and definitely not a game character. A lot of things exist in the anime that don’t in the manga and games. And that includes characters too! Y’all remember Paul, right?

I seriously don’t get the likability of this guy. I personally find him as pleasant as renal failure. But the fanbase for this little shit is out of this world in the Pokemon fandom. And hey, guess what?! Paul is an anime-exclusive character? So should his fighting with Ash be illegitimate? Fuck no, what idiot would want that?! Right!

Add to that, the Pokemon Leagues have a different setup than they do in the manga and games. I don’t recall having to go through the top-tier system in any of the games to become champion of a region. You fight a bunch of Ace Trainers on Victory Road to level up so you can go up against the Elite Four and then take on the champion. The anime, you fight against other trainers who won the correct amount of badges needed to enter the league and knock each other out in pokemon battles.

I would always imagine that if Ash would win a championship from one of these leagues, that he would then go on to fight against the Elite Four and then Champion. But silly me for thinking such a thing could ever happen. That would have been so awesome to see in Sinnoh or Kalos! But I digress. Many things are different from the anime. Those stupid Princess (fuck I can’t remember what they’re called) that Serena was in weren’t in any other form. But people still worship the little princess and her stupid shenanigans like it’s going out of style.

In short, Orange Islands should not be written off just because it was never part of the manga or games!

Now onto those who say that because it’s from a filler arc this victory should not count as well. Or saying that because it’s different, it’s an illegitimate league and it doesn’t count. Who the fuck are you to say that? Was there a lost episode where some old crone comes and says the Orange League doesn’t count? NO. THERE WAS NOT. Now, I can’t recall if the creators/writers themselves have said anything on the matter. But until I see that, I’m just going to say this simple thing.

The word, “LEAGUE” is in the fucking title. Ash fought in the Orange LEAGUE and fucking won. Ash won a LEAGUE in 1999. There.

Now I admit, the Orange Island gyms were very different in terms of pokemon battles and even the league as well when compared to every other league up to this point. Some were a little hit-and-miss in the pay-off, but some were absolutely epic. Again, the Orange Islands gave us things you miscreants take for granted including region variant pokemon and double battles. That’s right, first official double battle was in the Orange Islands. Suck it!

But I think it’s because for the Orange League, it was only a two-episode saga and Ash was only battling one guy. Hey, don’t write that off! In case you hadn’t realized, that was also Ash’s very first six-on-six battle. And he fought against a champion who has a Dragonite with a total of 10 moves. So imagine all three Dragonites Lance uses in the Gold/Silver games and combine that into one Dragonite. The fact that Ash was able to win this particular battle astounds me to this day. I mean, if it was his Sinnoh or Kalos team, fuck yeah. But this was his early years with pre-evolved pokemon like Pikachu, Bulbasaur, and Squirtle.

Then again, Ash’s Alolan team wasn’t any better. I don’t think I should bring up that travesty you call a battle against Hau, do you? No. Let’s not!

Another overlooked victory of Ash’s was when Ash obtained all seven symbols from the Battle Frontier. Yeah, I can understand that since this was sort of filler between Hoenn and Sinnoh and there wasn’t an actual league. But can you all fully admit that you were able to defeat all of the Battle Frontier Brains in Pokemon Emerald? WITHOUT CHEATING OR USING A GAME SHARK?! Yes, Ash did that. And yes, he had to do several rematches when it came to battles against Anabel and Brandon, but he still managed to take down everyone. Yes, even Brandon with his legendary Regi-trio! Just because this was not an actual championship, doesn’t make it any less. He was offered a chance to become a Frontier Brain, but declined to do more traveling.

What I want to say is that the Orange League and the Battle Frontier shouldn’t be thrown in the trash just because they’re “different” from the status-quo pokemon league.

And as for Ash winning the league, I’m glad he finally won after such a long time. I mean, even if you did count the Orange League or Battle Frontier, it’s been a long time. I just really feel conflicted because it was THIS league that he won. Not the league where he and his Infernape proved to their rival that they are not pathetic. Not the league where he masters synchronization. This one.

The saga where he looks like Luffy’s idiot cousin. The saga where he doesn’t even have a full team. And to even come from the same league where he almost loses the whole match for putting all his faith in an insomniac birdo.

Fine, if I just ignore that match and pretend it never happened, Ash’s league matches were really good. He was able to take out the undefeatable Guzma and kicked Faba’s ass one more time just for good measure. And even though the finale was just a measly three-on-three (yeah, I’m a snob like that), Ash vs. Gladion was downright epic. Especially Lycanroc vs. Lycanroc. Give credit where credit is due.

I just ask you do the same for other victories.

BTW, Ash vs. Paul is still the best league battle. I’m just saying.

This has been Medea...and time to watch my yearly odometer roll over.

[gameboyheroes]

✸ for a drabble about Marinette having a sex dream about Adrien

NSFW Memes NOTE 1: All NSFW will be tagged “tw: sin”NOTE 2: Muses have been aged up for sin to even happen.NOTE 3: tw: oral mention, tw: blood, and a tiny bit of tw: angst EDIT: I was actually writing this to put on my Ao3.

An akuma had completely crashed Adrien’s 19th birthday party, causing the boy in question to break his leg. Chat Noir didn’t show up, but Ladybug handled the situation well enough on her own before disappearing until next time.

“Dude. Do you have any last requests for your birthday?” Nino nervously asked.

“Just one.”

“Name it, bro! I’ll see if I can get it done!”

“I wanna have sex with Ladybug.” Adrien answered without any hestitation.

Marinette, who’d heard the question and Adrien’s answer, choked on the juice she was drinking when his words registered in her brain.

“Bro. Not cool. Not even Alya can pull that kind sway. I mean, she could post it on the public forum but…”

“I know, I know…” Adrien sighed, wishing he was either dead or with Ladybug right now. “But Alya said that Marinette knows her. Maybe ask her?”

“Fine, fine!” Alya sighed, almost immediately calling Marinette.

“Hey! I-I’m here!” Marinette whined, holding up her phone until she got closer to the small group.

“Gurl, you know Ladybug, right?” Alya asked, looking at her friend.Marinette froze but nodded. “Yeah. I do. Why?”

“Well, I’ve got a request,” Adrien shyly said, glad that 98% of the party-goers left. He rubbed the neon green cast on his leg as he spoke. “I want a… special gift. From Ladybug.”

“Why kind of ‘gift’?” she asked, tilting her head, pretending she didn’t hear him earlier.

“I want you to ask Ladybug to…” Adrien paused, glancing down at his feet. “…to meet me in my room when it’s dark outside. I want my first time to be with her.”Marinette’s face flushed a dark pink from hearing the conversation from before.

“Y-Yeah. I’ll only be asking for you,” she smiled, wanting to leave right now. But Alya was the one who drove her to Adrien’s place. “I’ll try calling her. I’m gonna go find her.”

Adrien lightly grabbed Marinette’s wrist. “Hey, do you want to stay for presents?” he asked, genuinely smiling at her.

The Chinese-french girl gave a smile back and nodded, offering her gift to him; a Chat Noir inspired hoodie that she’d made herself. It was her way of giving him a disguise if he wanted to go out and not be noticed since Adrien wore the GABRIEL brand from head to toe.

Naturally, he loved it and practically ripped off the cream hoodie in favour of his awesome gift. And almost threw it out but, after some persuasion, he lent it to Nino since it was a pretty sweet zip-up hoodie.

– Later that night –

Rough touches.

The buttons on his shirt popped off the fabric with how rough she was being with him. She was just so gentle and her body was so incredibly soft. She was an enigma despite everything.

Despite already being his partner.

“Monsieur Agres–”

“Adrien. Please. It’s just Adrien for you.”

Ladybug shifted in the clothes she’d borrowed, nervous about everything.

“Hey, Ladybug, do you want to come closer?” he asked, adjusting his pyjamas. His father was already furious, but he couldn’t change that until the cast came off.

Ladybug had lifted the transformation in Adrien’s ensuite not even fifteen minutes ago. Her clothes were already at home; knowing that he would recognize her if he saw her clothes. So here she was, putting on borrowed clothes while standing in her polka-dotted panties and bra.

‘Eveything he has is super luxrious, isn’t it?’ she thought to herself as she changed into the mask he gave her and some old clothes. ‘It’s so shiny. Like he’d need a butler to keep it this clean…!’

She was now wearing a hunter green fencing competition shirt from when he was fourteen and a pair of black pyjama pants from around the same time. He must’ve gave her some stuff he didn’t want to throw away yet due to sentimentality.

“I didn’t get much of a chance to prepare… I mean, I’m still filthy from fighting that akuma during your birthday party,” she mumbled, meekly stepping outof the bathroom, “I’m surprised it wasn’t Monsieur Lahiffe this time. I mean, he’s usually been the akuma for the past four years like clockwork.”

Adrien laughed a little, taking her hand and pulling her into his lap. “I’m just surprised my father hasn’t banned Nino from the property. I know for certain that it was Lila Rossi who caused it this time. Poor Kagami.” he muttered, taking in the scent of fresh bread and sweets. Kinda like… Marinette. “But enough about my party and let’s focus on right now. You got the request secondhand from Marinette, right?”

“Yeah. She asked for you, right?”

“Yeah. She’s told Alya, the Ladyblogger, about you before. But not much.” Adrien smiled, wishing she’d let him see her without the mask. The same mask he’d worn in the music video four years ago. “Hey Ladybug, if you don’t mind me asking… how old are you?”

“Eighteen. Nineteen in six months.” she answered, nervous about just being in his lap.

“I see. I forgot to ask. Do you even want this?”

“I do! I do. It’s just… I’m a little scared. I’m not afraid of you, I’m just scared it’ll hurt.”

Adrien raised a brow. She was scared of the pain? “I’ll make sure that the pain will be minimal. It won’t be; just as long as it’s done right,” he informed her, reaching in his night table to pick up a small bottle of lube and a box of condoms that Nino gave him last year as a gag gift.

‘Thank you, Nino Lahiffe’ he thought with a small chuckle.

Marinette nervously shifted as he pulled out the items.

“I know. It’s just…” she trailed off, wrapping her arms around his neck to carefully kiss him the way she’d wanted, ever since Puppeteer struck four and a half years ago. “I love you. I always have. I can’t date you, but I can give you my first time.”

Adrien trailed his fingers through her hair and grinned at her. “I won’t let you be hurt,” he softly mumbled as he kissed along her skin; wanting to count every freckle on her body, but he was… distracted to say the least. “especially by me.”

Marinette flushed a deep red and nodded. She’d read thousands of erotica stories a million times, and she’d honestly thought they were super cheesy until she was in their shoes. She leaned in and licked his bottom lip, nipping and kissing him. Her first kiss happened to be with Chat Noir, but Adrien was perfect in every way possible. There was no way she could screw this up!

Adrien grabbed Ladybug by her waist and set her on the bed. Hearing the squeak satisfied his desire to hear it. More desires to hear more cute squeaks emerged however. “Ladybug, do you want to be more relaxed before we start?” he asked, looping his thumb in the elastic of her pants, slowly she nodded as he kept pulling down the pyjama pants while her face grew redder and redder until they crumpled on the floor.

Her eyes trailed to his hand, which was inside her panties and entering her opening. His other hand peeled off her panties to add to the pile on the floor, along with his shirt.

At first, it was clumsy trial and error, but soon he got a good rhythm going. And dear gods, it felt great!

Once she came, he slipped down to sit on the floor and use a combination of his mouth and fingers to get her off again. Immediately lapping up her juices, which made her ultra-sensitive.

“A-Adriennn..” she whined, her fingers twisting in his impossibly soft hair to raise his head. “Please, just fuck me!”

Adrien pulled a condom from his pocket and rolled it on. Within seconds that felt like hours, he was inside her. Ladybug pulled him down on her body and rolled over to not have him hurt his broken leg any more than he had from both fingering her, oral and pushing himself inside her.

“Adrien, you’re rushing. Don’t rush so much,” she sighed, pressing her palms on his chest to help her gain some balance. After that, she raised her hips and very softly moaned, feeling the shivers that came from Adrien.

Her back arched, pulling her borrowed shirt off, unclasping her bra so that he had access to play with her boobs as much as he wanted. It was funny, feeling his hands kneading them like a cat.

“I’m gonna cum if you keep that up!”

“Go ahead. I accepted your invitation, after all.”

With a few quick thrusts, Adrien came. But what made her freeze was that he called out ‘My Lady’. In Chat Noir’s voice.

Marinette was in a state of shock, while Adrien was in absolute bliss.

“My Lady, what’s wrong?” he breathlessly asked, wanting to cuddle a bit.

“Chat… Noir?” she asked, the mask slipping off a bit.

“Marinette?!”

—

And then she woke up, her hand and her bedsheets were absolutely soaked. Her alarm was blaring and Marinette was covered in cold sweat. Then she went to shower before going to school. Her hand was covered in blood.

Was that from her sleep-masturbating? Or was it really… real?

Before she twisted the knob, her eye saw the ring on her finger.

This was definitely real.

Was Adrien Agreste really Chat Noir?

Her phone vibrated in her pocket. 

Wait. She didn’t own these pants…?

It was real. 

Seeing the 30+ missed messages from Adrien, she remembered that as the new Guardian, she had to… take his Miraculous.

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

If Only In My Dreams Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Please Come Home for Christmas (I'm Feeling Blue Without You Here)

Chapter Summary: Patton is struggling through a season of loneliness after being the only one of his friends to stay in their hometown after high school graduation. He can’t wait to reconnect with his best friend Virgil, who is coming down to Florida for Christmas break. Except, it grows increasingly apparent that might not be the case anymore.

Pairings: platonic prinixety & platonic moxiety

Word-count: 3106

Warnings: abusive parents, homesickness, misunderstandings, crying, loneliness, hurt/comfort

Inspiration:  this ask right here

AO3 LINK, Chapter 1 , Chapter 3

I can’t believe I forgot to post this on tumblr! Again, this is a part of the winter bang hosted by @sanderssidesbang. Many thanks to them for hosting this and also thank you to the lovely @theeternalspace for beta’ing this for me <3

If you asked Patton Hart whether he preferred either the cold or the heat, his response would be the same if one had asked whether he liked cats or dogs the best.

“Both!” He would cheerfully say, rocking back and forth on his feet before explaining his reasoning, “I like the cold because you get to drink hot chocolate and wear warm sweaters! Back in Minnesota my house was on a hill and my siblings and I sled down the driveway all the time after it snowed.  I also like when it’s hot outside also because you get to go to the beach and play in the water and make sandcastles--oh! And eat popsicles! Cherry’s my favorite popsicle flavor! What’s yours?”

Patton was prone to rambling, jumping from topic to topic and making connections that might seem unrelated to an outside perspective. It was one of the many symptoms stemming from Patton’s ADHD.

Patton was a glass half full kind of a guy, and that was applicable when it came to his thoughts concerning ADHD. He liked to think that hypo-focus was his superpower that allowed him to concentrate and get tasks done. Just like all super powers, however, there was weaknesses that came with it. Such as hypo-focusing on cartoons instead of doing his homework.

Imagining himself as a superhero who needed to defeat the evils of Homework to save the city helped direct his energy in a more productive manner. Sure, maybe it was a bit childish, but he still very much felt like a child at heart. It was wild to think in a few months on his birthday it’d be a year since he had become a legal adult on his eighteenth birthday. Shucks, he had a hard time not referring to other older adults with a Mr. or Mrs. in front of their name. It felt wrong!

But that wasn’t the biggest thing he was struggling with in his new-found adulthood. It was the aftermath of high school, where all his friends scattered to the four winds. They all promised to keep in contact, that they’d remain best friends forever. But Patton knew how it went, having gone through something similar when he and his family moved from Minnesota to Florida when he was twelve.

Everyone promised they’d keep in contact, but sooner or later the text messages and emails would stop coming. Patton knew that there wasn’t anything malicious behind it. People, including himself, got busy with their own lives. It was natural for friends to drift apart with diverged interests and increased distances.

So it wasn’t a big surprise when the fall semester started and communication with his old high school friends drastically dropped. As they started university, they all became busy with school and work and new friends--and well, there wasn’t any room for poor Patton who stayed home and attended community college.

There was nothing inherently wrong with attending community college of course. It was a more affordable way of education, with many of the classes on the same level as both the private and state universities. There was just an unfortunate stigma surrounding it. Patton lost track of how times people asked him why wasn’t he attending a real college or telling him he was missing out on the true college experience.

He was lonely, he hated to admit it, but he was. Virgil once asked him if he ever understood the feeling of being lonely in a sea of people. He hadn’t, at the time. But now, he understood. Patton went from his early morning classes to work at the mall back to home and slept until he started his routine all over the next day. All the while he was surrounded by people, but people are different than friends.

Patton tried making new friends among his work and school, but he wasn’t stupid. He could read the atmosphere enough to know what they thought of him. He was too loud, too flighty, too childish . Sometimes they actually verbally expressed this.

It caused Patton to spiral further into his hyper-fixations as a coping method. But even his favorite shows wasn’t enough compared to actual human interaction.

That was why he was ecstatic when Virgil told him he was going to be in Florida for the break. Out of all his friends, he’d kept in contact with Virgil the most. It made sense--they’d been best friends for years. Sending memes and cute animal videos had become their primary method of communication. The latter was mainly Patton, but Virgil sent the occasional one. He always seemed to know just when Patton needed them, too. Their schedules didn’t mesh well, but they tried to face-time one another whenever they could. If he was being honest, those snippets of contact with Virgil was the only things that kept him sane through a stressful semester and drama at his workplace.

He hadn’t admitted to Virgil that he was lonely. He couldn’t do that, when Virgil was over a thousand miles away from home in an unfamiliar setting. Patton knew how that felt--he’d at least had his family, Virgil had no one. He was completely surrounded by strangers. Patton didn’t feel like it was fair for him to complain when he at least had stayed in the same town of the high school they’d graduated from and there was still familiar faces around.

So he kept it to himself, slipping back into old habits by keeping a smile on and skirting around the topic. Some part of him wanted Virgil to be suspicious, to demand the truth. But he knew it was unfair of him to think that way when he’d deceived Virgil in the first place. No matter how many justifications Patton tried to tack on, at the end of the day it was just that.

Virgil and him planned to spend what felt like practically Virgil’s entire stay together, starting directly after Christmas. Patton was bouncing in excitement at the thought of it. He was finally going to see his best friend again, after going months unable to meet face to face. He was going to be able to actually hug Virgil instead of sending text messages with GIFs as a poor substitute to the real thing.

Except it was December 27th, and there was no hide nor hair of Virgil Raine in the town of Loving, Florida.

He stared at the last text sent to him by Virgil, trying not to sniffle. It was from December 19th, a couple days before Virgil’s flight was scheduled to leave. It wasn’t anything meaningful, really. Just a mundane text about the weather.

🌩️ Virgil 🌩️: I saw some snow flurries on my way home from work today.

Patton sighed, scrolling down a bit through his own replies.

Patton Hart💙: Ooo exciting! Florida still hasn’t gotten the memo that summer is over--it was almost in the eighties today!

Patton Hart💙: [Image Attached: It was a photo of Patton grinning as he held up a potato chip]

Patton Hart💙: I value our friend-chip

Patton Hart💙: Hey Virge, I heard about the nasty winter storms up north--did your flight get canceled? I hope you’re somewhere safe! <3

Patton Hart💙: Merry Christmas! 🎅🎄🎁

Patton Hart 💙:  ...Virgil are you okay? Are we still on for Mel’s today?

There was a half page more of his own messages, but still none from Virgil himself. It was normal for communication to go silent for a few days due to the busyness of life. But he started having an uneasy feeling when Virgil didn’t respond after the first few messages he sent. That feeling only worsened when he tried calling Virgil yesterday and it went right to voicemail.

Patton always tried seeing the positives in life. Virgil was rather the opposite. He often saw only the negativities in life. Their friendship was one of an immovable object meets an unstoppable force. No one expected the social butterfly to make friends with the antisocial emo. Especially the latter. But Patton never let others’ expectations dictate how he acted, or rather who he was.

Patton was just Patton--he didn’t try to be what others wanted him to be. He felt it was unfair to both others and himself if he tried pretending to be something he wasn’t. So when the kids at his lunch table started snickering about the “creep all alone in the corner,” Patton didn’t join in. He stood up with his lunch tray and marched over there. The creep in question was a seventh grader just like Patton. He didn’t look scary like the others said. If anything, he looked scared with the way his shoulders were hunched in and he avoided eye contact. His figure was swallowed up by a hoodie two sizes too large for him.

“Hi!” Patton grinned, “My name’s Patton, mind if I join you?”

The other only grunted, avoiding direct eye contact with Patton.

It wasn’t a no, so Patton sat down and began talking. The other preteen only made the occasional grunt to let him know he was listening to Patton. It was like that for the whole week. Patton would ask to sit with him, and hold one-way conversations--never pushing for the other to talk.

Patton never minded. He talked enough for two whole people, after all. He sat with the kid to keep him company, to let him know he wasn’t alone.

On Friday of that week, the bell rang signaling the end of lunchtime and Patton stood up from the table.

“Well, see you later, kiddo!” Patton said. He walked a few paces when he heard the kid murmur something. He stopped abruptly, turning around to face the other kid.

“What’d you say?” He asked, unable to contain his excitement.

“M-my name. It’s Virgil.” The kid in the hoodie stammered, taking Patton’s excitement to mean something else.

Patton’s eyes widened. He hadn’t known his name until this moment. He tried asking him once, but let it drop after it clearly made him uncomfortable.

He’d referred to the other as just “kiddo”. It was a strange habit leftover from his toddler years when he was still learning how to speak. His father had so often used the word in reference to Patton and his siblings, that baby Patton had started calling everyone young and old kiddo.

This continued in elementary school where he’d often play the Dad when the girls his age played House. He liked pretending to be a Dad, because it meant he got impersonate his father--who was a hero in his eyes. He wasn’t fond of the more violent make-believe games that the other little boys liked to play. The girls were much nicer and considerate, even when they played games like Warriors Cats.

Sometimes, other kids had made fun of Patton calling others “kiddo.” Patton tried his best to ignore their taunts.

He had tried imagining what the boy in the hoodie’s real name was in the span of the few short days they’d known each other. Virgil wasn’t one of the names he’d guessed, it was different...but he liked different. It fit the boy in the ways Patton’s imagined names hadn’t.

“Virgil. I like it.” Patton grinned, “see you later, Virgil.”

They’d continued hanging out during lunch, and eventually outside of lunch and even school. Their friendship stayed strong into high school. Patton was there for Virgil during what happened in high school the same way Virgil was there for Patton during his break-up senior year. The two had been together through thick and thin.

Only...things were different since the two had separated. Patton knew it would happen, but it didn’t change how much it hurt. He spent almost six years as Virgil’s best friend, seeing him on a daily basis. He hadn’t seen Virgil since before he left in late July for school.

If there was one thing the two had in common, it was that they both didn’t like change.

Virgil told him things were fine over there. But what if he was lying just as much as Patton was? What if things weren’t fine?

Patton generally kept his chin up even in the most difficult circumstances. But he couldn’t help but feel dread and concern about what had happened to Virgil. He wasn’t responding to any of Patton’s texts or calls.

His mind kept going back to the terrible winter storm and wondered if it held any implications about Virgil’s whereabouts. Patton grew up in Minnesota. He knew how dangerous storms could be. This was Virgil’s first winter in a northern state--what if he was caught unaware by the storm and something bad happened?

It might not be that , a small voice in the back of his head said, he might’ve broke his phone or something.

But if he broke his phone, he would’ve tried contacting you some other way . Another voice argued.

He’d at last gathered enough courage to call Virgil’s mom and ask about him.

Patton tapped his fingers nervously against his desk while the phone dialed.

“Hello?”

“Hi Mrs. Raine!” Patton said, mustering as much warmth into his voice as possible, “It’s Patton here. I was wondering if Virgil’s home? We were planning to get together over the break but he hasn’t been responding to any--”

“I’m sorry,” Virgil’s mother briskly interrupted, “but Virgil isn’t here. He’s still up in Massachusetts.”

“W--what?” Patton asked. It shouldn’t have been such a surprise. So why did it feel like he was getting slapped in the face with a fish? Not a dead fish, mind you, but a wiggling very much alive fish that didn’t want to collide with your face anymore than you did.

“I said, he’s still in Massachusetts, honey.” She repeated her words, Southern gush in full force.

Patton liked the friendliness of Florida, but he wasn’t a fan of the “Bless your heart” Southerners that inhabited parts of Florida. He hated when people pretended to be nice when they were really being passive-aggressive. Patton preferred out-right honesty above all.

He’d never gotten good vibes off of either of Virgil’s parents. Even though they always acted like the model parents to Virgil in front of Patton. Virgil had a hard time sharing things even after Patton gained his trust. But the things he did share, made Patton question if they were truly good people or not.

“Can I ask why he’s still in Massachusetts? Did something bad happen?” Patton asked, once he regained his voice.

“Oh heavens no!” She laughed, “His flight was canceled by bad weather and all the next available flights were booked up. Virgil and us agreed it’d better if he just stayed there and saved his money--with last minute flights being expensive and all.”

That...didn’t sound right to Patton. Who didn’t want to see their child for the holidays--even if they happened to miss Christmas? The holidays was a time of fellowship with friends and family. Wouldn’t anyone move heaven and earth so that their child could be with them? It wasn’t like Virgil’s family was hurting for money, either. They had more than enough money to fund Virgil’s college education as well as go on a few cruise trips a year.

Later on, he’d wished he would have given her a piece of his mind. But in the moment he’d been too shocked to say anything of the sort.

“Oh, I see. I guess I was just really worried since he hasn’t responded to any of my texts in like a week. Do you know if he broke his phone or something?” Patton laughed awkwardly. Virgil’s mother didn’t join in.

“No, I don’t think so. I bet he’s been hanging out with his friends all week that he’s been too busy to respond to your text.”

Patton’s breath hitched. That could be a possibility, couldn’t it? It wasn’t like Virgil wasn’t allowed to have friends other than Patton. But would he really do that to Patton? Ignore him completely to go hang out with his new friends? That wasn’t like Virgil at all.

People changed a lot in five months. But they didn’t change that much, did they?

Admittedly those words had been uttered by Virgil’s mother, out of all people. Who knew if that was the truth. But whether knowingly or unknowingly, those words had pierced his heart. Patton was too emotional to think logically about it.

Quickly he thanked Virgil’s mother before ending the call. Which what led him to now, staring at his and Virgil’s text conversation. Tears blurred his vision. Should he send another text? He didn’t want Virgil to be annoyed by him being too clingy. He didn’t want to lose what little remained of their friendship.

Yet at the same time, he couldn’t handle the fading friendships where both pretended everything was fine, that their friendship wasn’t dying. He’d done enough of those during this year. He couldn’t do it with Virgil, his bestest friend.

Patton Hart 💙: Hey kiddo...are we still friends?

Patton Hart 💙: It’s okay if we aren’t!! I know how you are, Virge, you don’t have to feel obligated to remain friends. Seasons come and go, y’know? Not everything lasts...and that’s okay. I still cherish every memory we spent together. But if you want me to stop meownoying you with texts, I’ll understand.

Except, despite those words he sent to Virgil, he was a huge freaking hypocrite. He sat there, flitting with the pop socket on his phone, sobbing. Loud, ugly sobs. He was thankful he was alone in his family’s house so he could suffer in solitude.

He didn’t want to lose Virgil even more than he hadn’t wanted to lose any of his other friends. Virgil was his best friend, after all. They’d done everything together. Patton knew sooner or later he’d be able to make new friends. This season of loneliness wouldn’t last forever. But knowing something didn’t mean his feelings ceased from existence.

People always placed romance having more importance over friendships. But Patton, having gone through a breakup, couldn’t understand that view. Relationships and friendships were equated in his mind. Friends were important. Often the best romantic relationships start off as friendships. He’d prefer friends, even if it meant never loving in that way again.

Once he finished crying for the most part, he went downstairs, clutching a blanket over his shoulders. It dragged behind him on the floor, a sad excuse for a cape.

He opened the refrigerator, reaching for the ice cream, when his phone went off. He fished it out of his pocket, hands trembling. It was a skype call. From Virgil.

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: [A suitable amount of time before Ali's bday which was a Friday apparently so vday was Saturday, even less excuse not to get home to Dublin girl so] Bea: So Bea: What's the plan for Ali's birthday? Fraze: They're going camping Fraze: Fuck knows where Fraze: But we ain't invited, sorry to say, Red Bea: Fair enough Bea: Bit old for family functions now Fraze: Speaking purely for the two of us, yeah? Bea: Probably Bea: though if you want jelly and ice cream for YOUR 19th, better let 'em know now, like Fraze: 'Course Fraze: I'll pass that on with your regards, like Fraze: Kill every bird with the one stone Bea: Depends how much postage is on her gift Bea: but yeah Bea: guess so Fraze: Knowing you, it ain't a shit load Bea: Charming Fraze: It is Fraze: I'm saying you've thought it through Bea: How could I Bea: I was expecting to have to come back Fraze: That don't mean you ain't also considered the alternative Bea: You might have too much faith in my planning abilities at present Fraze: You reckon? Bea: I'm just saying, my mental faculties have been otherwise engaged Bea: no need to tell the Birthday princess that, not that I think it would be all that surprising, or that she's not used to it 💔 Fraze: Well, if you're that burned out, visiting anywhere my ma's in the vicinity of, ain't gonna be the wisest decision you've ever made Bea: I'm not burnt out Bea: just busy Fraze: You always keep yourself busy, if that's what you meant you wouldn't have felt the need to mention it Bea: Well that's exactly what I meant Bea: my mind has been more floor plans than party, that's all Fraze: If you say so, babe Bea: What Fraze: You know what Bea: Why I asked Bea: Are you burnt out? Fraze: You asked to put off what you actually wanna ask me, but here we fucking go Fraze: Cheers for that Bea: I asked 'cos I need to know what I'm doing, simple as Bea: go talk to the college counselor Fraze: I ain't the one complaining about my work-life balance Bea: Good for you then Fraze: Yeah Fraze: I'll leave you to get on before you have a breakdown then Bea: Nice Fraze: Helping you with your homework, nice as the offer sounds, would fuck everything up Fraze: What else is there? Bea: No, you don't need to reiterate Bea: I heard you the first time Fraze: That's a first Bea: You'd have to say something for me to hear it Fraze: You'd have to properly ask me something for me to properly answer it Bea: Clearly not Bea: you've managed fine Fraze: Come on Bea: Why would I subject myself to further embarrassment? Bea: not for your amusement, nice as the offer sounds Fraze: You've gone this far Fraze: I know you don't give a fuck about Ali's birthday Fraze: What do you want, Bea? Bea: Its obligation Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: It's an excuse Bea: You're so fucking arrogant Fraze: Do you reckon that's news to me or are you that desperate to play for time, like? Bea: I reckon you don't get told nearly enough Fraze: By your own admission, you've got enough on your plate Fraze: Give it a rest, babe Bea: Piss off Bea: I never said that nor would I Bea: I keep busy Fraze: Whatever Bea: Sounds about right Bea: Enjoy yourself then Fraze: One of us has to Fraze: And it clearly ain't gonna be you Bea: Fuck you, Fraze Fraze: Yeah, sounds about right Bea: What do you expect me to say Bea: to any of that Fraze: Hit me with a few more excuses, why the fuck not Bea: I'm not the one that needs them Bea: But don't feel the need to give me any more Fraze: I ain't giving you any, end of Fraze: Don't worry about it Bea: That's what you'd like to think, fine Fraze: That's how it is, whether you like it or not Bea: Let's not pretend you've given any consideration to what I would like or not Fraze: We don't need to pretend 'cause I have and I do Bea: Jesus Bea: You're ridiculous Fraze: You wish Fraze: You'll need a better excuse to hide behind if you wanna ignore me Bea: I'm not the one with all the plans Fraze: It ain't my fault you're fully booked til your breakdown's over and done with Bea: Would you stop Fraze: Ladies first Bea: Fuck off then Fraze: Fine Bea: Like I said, enjoy Fraze: Like I said, I will Bea: Great Bea: I really wanted to hear that Fraze: I know Bea: I know you're a dick Fraze: You never had a problem with it before Bea: Things are different now Bea: clearly Fraze: Yeah, there's that consideration to what you would like that you're trying to pretend I don't give you Bea: If you had any consideration you wouldn't stopped at least three hurtful digs ago Fraze: 'Cause it's that easy Fraze: Alright Bea: Why is it so hard for you Bea: That's an actual question, have at it Fraze: Why have you suddenly forgotten who the fuck I am? Fraze: Jesus Bea: I know who you are Bea: So sorry Fraze: Act like it then Bea: How dare you Fraze: Calling out your bullshit is hardly a daredevil move Fraze: What are you gonna throw at me from there? Bea: The bullshit is you thinking I have anything to be sorry for Bea: You be sorry then we can talk Fraze: Sorry for what? Fraze: Fuck you Bea: You seriously want to be that stupid? Bea: That's on you then Fraze: If you reckon you've got it in you to be that entitled over nothing after hanging around with one too many posh cunts, that's on you Bea: If you call telling me not to come back because you have plans I'd ruin if I did nothing Bea: then I don't know what to say to you anymore Bea: genuinely Fraze: Christ's sake Fraze: How am I the stupid one? Fraze: You're having a convo all on your own Bea: No I'm not Bea: Its exactly what you said, never mind all that you've implied too Fraze: Yeah, you fucking are Fraze: I didn't say sod all about you coming back or not Bea: Yeah exactly Fraze: It ain't the same thing as a no Fraze: Don't act like it is Bea: Yeah 'cos bragging how much you're gonna be enjoying yourself is encouragement Bea: Like I said, I got the message Fraze: Like I said, don't be stupid Bea: Stop calling me stupid Fraze: I've told you so many times that no other girl compares Fraze: Come on Bea: Well that doesn't count for shit does it Fraze: Well it should Bea: Words are just that Fraze: I ain't getting on a plane for you to slam a door in my face Bea: You aren't getting on a plane Bea: who's got the excuses Fraze: Cheers for the echo Bea: There's only so much I can say Bea: and have, so Fraze: Do something then Fraze: Or let me Bea: Who's stopping you? Fraze: You and your busy schedule Fraze: I got the message too, like Bea: But I'm stupid and having my own conversation when I do it? Bea: Come on Fraze: I ain't putting any words in your mouth, babe Fraze: You said it Bea: You said all of that too Fraze: Don't twist it round Fraze: Making the most of not seeing you ain't the same as not wanting to see you Bea: Well you jumped to that being the outcome Fraze: Well you jumped down my throat the second I refused to jump through any bullshit hoops Fraze: I ain't gonna fucking beg Bea: You've forgot who I am then, have you? Bea: and I don't believe you don't know what you were saying no matter how you try and sell it Bea: you knew that would piss me off Fraze: And like I fucking said already, you deliberately started this convo lumping me in with Ali as another obligation Fraze: So fuck you Bea: That isn't what I was doing Fraze: Whatever you are well busy doing, go ahead Fraze: If you don't wanna make time for me then don't Bea: Like my work, like I fucking said Bea: why are you mad at me, I'm not the one with all the fun plans Fraze: I can't help you there, we covered that, babe Bea: Then there's no need to ask Fraze: Why are you mad at me for staying out of your way? Bea: For Christ's sake Bea: Why don't you want to see me? Fraze: I do Bea: Then do it Fraze: Alright Bea: Would a little enthusiasm kill or what Fraze: [confirmation of his speedily booked flight] Bea: Good Fraze: Yeah Bea: Where have you been? Fraze: How far back do you wanna go and keep tabs? Bea: Don't Fraze: I'm sorry Bea: No you aren't Bea: I was just asking Fraze: I am Bea: Are you gonna tell me how you've been or not then Fraze: I'm fine, like Bea: Cool Fraze: How are you? Bea: This is strange Bea: Just talk to me like normal Fraze: I've asked how you are before, ain't I? Bea: I don't know Bea: Didn't really need to before Fraze: 'Course I would've Bea: People who live together don't need to make small talk Fraze: Fair point Fraze: Are you gonna answer or what then? Bea: Just been having loads of breakdowns tah, spot on, like Fraze: Don't start Bea: You started that one, babe Bea: nothing to write home about though, obviously Fraze: You know I didn't mean it Bea: It's fine Bea: The post-Christmas workload is intense Fraze: Yeah but you can easily handle it Bea: 'Course Bea: didn't come here to slack off Fraze: Once a swot, 'course you're gonna be one always Bea: Hey Fraze: You wanted normal Bea: I do Bea: that's what swots are 'round here Bea: nothing special about that Fraze: No shit, they're all too soft to be anything else but 🤓 Bea: Nah, it's like Bea: anyone who had to work to be here, you have to keep up that level and act like its nothing Bea: but the ones who have had it all handed to 'em by mummy and daddy don't even care if they graduate with a third, long as they can say they went here Fraze: Do that then, not like it's your first time Bea: I am Bea: never mind Fraze: Nah, if you mind, I mind Fraze: Come on Bea: I don't know Bea: Obviously this is what I wanted Bea: want Fraze: That don't mean you have to want all of it every second Bea: But it kinda does Bea: there's no room to drop the ball Fraze: I'm not telling anyone or letting you Fraze: It's alright Bea: Is it? Bea: This is just the beginning Fraze: Trust me Bea: I must Fraze: All that faith you took the piss out of me having in you earlier, it's actually there Fraze: And for good reason Bea: I know Bea: I'm just letting everyone else's freakouts get to me, clearly Bea: but when you're here we don't have to talk about deadlines and word counts and all that boring bullshit Bea: just you and me Fraze: Exactly, forget 'em Fraze: Think about where I'm taking you for the Valentine's bullshit Bea: Am I using my imagination 'til you actually come up with a plan? 😏 Fraze: Unless you wanna use your imagination to contribute to the plan Bea: Not very romantic, is it Bea: Besides, I have my own plans to formulate Fraze: Fine Fraze: Leave it with me Bea: I missed you, you know Fraze: Yeah, 'course I do know Bea: 🙄 Fraze: I've missed every 🙄 I could've had off you, like Bea: That's more or less what you were meant to say Bea: I'll allow it Fraze: Cheers babe Bea: I figure you have enough you need to get right Bea: Let you have it Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: What's there that I can't handle? Bea: Hopefully nothing Bea: I wanna miss you more when you're gone Fraze: Uncross your fingers Fraze: You're gonna miss me loads Fraze: It's easily done Bea: We'll see, babe Fraze: Yeah Bea: How's everyone else anyway? Bea: Is my sister going camping? Fraze: Standard Fraze: Do you reckon Ali would let her stay at home? Fraze: Or that she'd wanna be anywhere but stitched to my sister's side? Bea: That'll be a laugh Bea: shame we're not invited really Bea: almost anyway Fraze: We could gatecrash if you're that gutted Bea: Nah Bea: her girlfriend will be there and she'll just try and flirt with you Fraze: Don't pretend you're bothered by her when we both know it's 'cause you don't wanna get leaves and shit in your hair Bea: Like we didn't used to spend all our time in parks and shit Bea: Not that princess Fraze: Like I ever left you without my coat to lie on if I couldn't put a (shed) roof over your head Fraze: Treated you as decent as the princess you ain't Bea: I never said you weren't chivalrous Fraze: You still ain't saying it Bea: You want me to tell you what a good boyfriend you were? Fraze: Nah, I wanna tell you I miss you too Bea: There you go Bea: I know, too Fraze: That don't mean I can't say it though Fraze: Or that I won't Fraze: Tell you and show you Bea: Good Bea: That's Bea: what I want too Fraze: Good Bea: Better finish this coursework now then Fraze: You gonna get pissed off if I offer to leave you to it this time? Bea: Not funny Fraze: Just as well it's a serious question then, yeah? Bea: Like you're seriously worried about pissing me off now Fraze: Now we're finally getting somewhere, I ain't trying to go back to where we were Bea: It's not like we've been actively avoiding each other Bea: is it? Fraze: 'Course not Bea: Right, just hectic Fraze: Exactly Bea: 'cos avoiding me would be a pointless thing to do Fraze: Pointless ain't the first word that springs to mind but yeah Bea: However you wanna say it Bea: don't, yeah Fraze: I won't Fraze: I can't Fraze: You know that Bea: 'Course Fraze: Don't add it to your list of stresses Bea: Considerate as always Fraze: Cheers for the recognition Bea: Take a bow if you're feeling it Fraze: I will Bea: Cute Fraze: Obviously Fraze: Gotta get in the Valentine's spirit or whatever Bea: I really felt that Bea: So convincing, boy Bea: Not expecting rose petals and a 300-word essay in a sickly sweet Hallmark card, don't stress Fraze: Good Fraze: You're getting me, as gifts go I reckon we're covered, like Fraze: With or without scattering rose petals every step I take Bea: Not disagreeing Bea: even though you're being pretty insufferable with it Fraze: What can I say? There's no posh cunts here looking down their nose at me or sticking it into my business in the name of self improvement Fraze: And even less nuns about trying to save me the old fashioned way Bea: Lucky, lucky you then, eh Fraze: Yeah Bea: Do you have reading week or do you need to go back? Fraze: Ours is at the beginning of March Bea: Ahh Bea: Oh well, I've actually got loads to do, lack of breakdowns aside Fraze: Fair enough Bea: Is your course that boring? Fraze: 'Course Fraze: Can't all be a laugh a minute like yours, babe Bea: What's your problem, like Fraze: I don't have a problem Bea: Well you could at least try and sound happy for me then Fraze: I am, you know that Bea: Yeah, in theory Fraze: And you know what it's like in practice Fraze: So what's your problem? Bea: You being moody about it don't help the situation Bea: all I'm saying Fraze: You being dramatic don't either Bea: fuck off dramatic Fraze: Whatever you wanna call it, like Bea: No, why are YOU calling it that? Fraze: 'Cause that's what I'd call your reaction to me not jumping for joy over the way things are Bea: For God's sake Fraze: Forget it Fraze: We've both got shit to do Bea: Fine Fraze: Well convincing, Red Fraze: See you soon then Bea: I'm not trying if you aren't Fraze: Fucking hell Fraze: Do you want blood? Bea: Don't act like I'm being unreasonable Fraze: Yeah, you're being proper level-headed about this Fraze: As per Bea: Well you're being proper boring Fraze: Says you, who ain't talked about fuck all but uni Bea: And you've got, what, to say, exactly? Fraze: Christ's sake Bea: This is why things are the way things are Fraze: It ain't my fault Bea: So it's mine Fraze: If you're gonna throw it about Fraze: Like you said, Cambs is what you want Bea: If that's how you feel Fraze: You know how I feel Bea: Now I do Bea: so there's no need for you to come Fraze: Bea, don't Bea: You don't Bea: This is what I want and what I'm doing Bea: if you can't handle that then don't Fraze: Come on, I won't get refunded for my fucking flight Bea: Not my problem now Bea: Go do something fun Fraze: Nah, it's all my fault and all my problem that you've fucked off to another country and I ain't ecstatic about it Bea: It ain't like I sprung that on you Bea: or I ain't letting you do whatever you want 'cos I know how not ecstatic you are about it Fraze: And it ain't like that matters Fraze: Or makes it any easier Bea: I'm not feeling sorry for you Fraze: Good Fraze: Fuck that Bea: Then stop expecting it Fraze: Stop putting all the blame onto me Bea: I'm blaming you for your part in it Fraze: And accusing me of not handling it Bea: No, sure, let's just pretend some more Fraze: Fuck you Fraze: I'm doing my best Bea: Yeah, I know Bea: Me too Fraze: I know Bea: Well we have to do better Fraze: Give me a chance Bea: Opposed to what Bea: What do you think I'm going to do Fraze: Opposed to telling me not to come Bea: We can't even have a conversation Fraze: We'll do better Fraze: What else are we gonna do? Bea: I don't know Fraze: Trust me Bea: I do Bea: Its just Bea: Its not going to get any easier than this Fraze: But it's like I told you when we first got together, there's nothing we can't do, yeah? Bea: Yeah Fraze: It's hard but it ain't the hardest thing we've ever done Bea: Just don't forget that its worth it Fraze: I won't Bea: Swear Fraze: On what? Bea: Yourself Fraze: Alright, I swear on my life Bea: 'til I can get blood from you, it'll do Fraze: I love you Bea: I love you so much Fraze: Don't stop Fraze: It ain't gonna be like this forever Bea: I can't Fraze: Don't regret any of it Bea: Don't want easier and find someone else Fraze: I want you, I don't give a shit about anyone else Bea: You better not Fraze: Why would I? I told you then you're better and it's still true now Fraze: It'll be true forever Bea: Because its easier Bea: and I'm not there Fraze: It ain't easier Fraze: You know that Bea: I don't Bea: I don't need to hear about that Fraze: I'm not talking about that Bea: What then Fraze: I'm saying it's always gonna be harder to not be with you at all than whatever the bullshit alternative has to be for now Bea: As long as that stays true for both of us Bea: we'll be alright Fraze: Then we'll be alright Fraze: 'Cause I'd rather fucking die than try to stay away from you Bea: You don't have to Bea: I don't want you to, you know that Fraze: We ain't those kids anymore, we can't ever go back Fraze: It's too far Bea: Don't regret it Fraze: I don't have any regrets about us Fraze: Never have done Bea: Me either Bea: Its not easy but Bea: it's us Bea: there was never an alternative, like Fraze: Good Bea: You're mine Bea: end of Fraze: Yeah Fraze: No takebacks however old we get Bea: Okay, deal Bea: you've made me miss you Fraze: I ain't sorry Bea: You're coming so you don't have to be Bea: too much, anyway Fraze: You ain't gonna be either Bea: I already know but not mad about the reminder Fraze: I don't have to swear then Bea: It is very inconvenient that you aren't here right now though Bea: I miss that Fraze: Count to 100 and answer your phone Bea: 50 Fraze: 75 Bea: 60 but I'll start again Fraze: Alright

[ryoshan]

p.s. i love you, a companion to [this] and my worst act of violence yet

5th August Two months

Ruby Rose,

I apologise for replying so late. You know us, always busy saving the world. It took some time to look at your things at all, never mind in your journal. What made you think even after you were gone I’d look somewhere so private? It was Yang that found your letter, and your journal has been left with me since. I hope you don’t mind my writing in it now, but then I don’t suppose you can argue, hah!

It’s been so busy, but so quiet without you. I can almost imagine you darting between us asking why the long faces, cracking jokes and pleading with us to start smiling. You are still the sunshine in my every room but the light is starting to get dimmer and I’m scared, Ruby. I can’t go for groceries without feeling sad, without wondering how they can walk around like nothing happened, like they’ve not been hit by the aftershocks too. I don’t know how to keep moving forward I don’t know how to work it out, that was your job, and now you’re not here. I keep asking myself ‘what would Ruby do’ but then I see your face in my head and I can’t think anymore, I can’t, I can’t. (The writing grows shaky towards the end of this paragraph)

You say that I’m strong but I’ve never felt so weak. I feel like that two thousand piece jigsaw we did at Beacon. Do you remember that? Do you remember how it rained and it rained over the spring break so we put the jigsaw together and there turned out to be a piece missing? You’re that piece, Ruby. Nothing will ever be complete without you anymore.

I love you, Ruby Rose. I love you, I loved you, and I will love you for the rest of my days. I didn’t say it enough and now I’ll never have the chance, except in this journal, your journal. I don’t know how to say goodbye yet, and I don’t know if I ever will. Please wait for me. Please don’t leave till I’m ready.

Yours, forever, Weiss

7th August Two months and two days

Yang spoke to you today. We were just talking, she made us food. She laughed, and said something… something about a pasta disaster back in patch. Right, Ruby? It was… relieving. Just for a second, to pretend like nothing had changed, like you were right there, and you’d laugh back and tell us the story of how you got pasta stuck to the roof. But then it was just silent, and Yang’s face went grey. I think she cried, but I don’t know. Blake went to her and I came here to you. I’d die to hold you now, Ruby. Your cloak still smells like you, like gunpowder and strawberries and hope, but I’m scared to touch it in case I wipe it away. I don’t want it to smell like me. I’ve had enough of me, enough of my own head.

All I want is you. All I want is you. All I want is you.

19th August Two months and two weeks

Ruby,

Jaune, Ren and Nora came to see us. Ren touched my shoulder and I felt a wave of warmth release tension, like my head is a muscle and he’d given me a massage. Nora joked about how we could keep him, and still be team RWBY. I managed to laugh, and so did Yang, but Blake didn’t. Neither did Jaune. He was more quiet than I’ve ever seen him. Pensive, and spent, like he had nothing left to say. I sat with him and held his hand, and he held on to me like he was falling off a cliff. I think he understands why I didn’t speak all afternoon. Our quiet corner made more sense to me than humouring Nora, though I know she was only trying her best. When they left, Jaune gave me a hug and told me he was only a call away if I wanted company. It was nice, but I felt like it should have been me saying that to him. I’m slipping, Ruby. I’m not seeing things like I used to, or feeling them right.

I miss you like the winter trees miss the leaves. I miss you like the stars miss the moon. You are my everything, and always will be, Ruby River Rose.

Weiss.

9th September Three months and one week

Ruby,

I just came home from seeing Winter. I don’t think we’ve ever talked so little, she just held my hand and I cried. I cried so much I don’t think there’s any water left in my body. I cried more than I did after your funeral, more than when -- when you were first gone. I feel completely empty now, but light. A swift wind could knock me over, so I guess it’s up to me now what I want to fill the empty space with.

I’ve started collecting beads. Did you know I had a bracelet for you? I almost forgot, it was for your birthday and I never had a chance to give it to you. I’m wearing your white one now, but this one was a chain, one you could add charms and things to. Now, when I see things that make me think of you, I pick them up. I’ll never put them on a chain, but I’ve got them in a glass bottle so I can watch my own little shrine to you grow. There’s four in there so far, one of them is a little metal corgi on a loop. I’m going to see your father tomorrow, all three of us are. I can’t wait to meet him.

I love you with everything I am, Weiss.

13th September Three months, one week and four days

I wish I could have met him with your hand in mine. I wish I could have been nervous because I wanted him to like me. I wish I could have seen him cry because I’d finally asked you to marry me. I wish it was such petty troubles that belong in one of Blake’s books. Instead I listened to a ghost tell me how much like your mother you were, and how he hopes you’re taking care of each other, wherever you are. Yang didn’t stick around much, I think it’s still too hard for her and your father to act like nothing has changed. He makes a nice coffee, your father. And he loves you so, so much. I was going to give him back your cloak, but he must have seen how my hands trembled with it laced between my fingers. He hugged me and told me to keep it, that you’d have wanted me to have it. It still smells like you.

4th October Four months and four days

Ruby,

I remember telling you once that I'd never get a tattoo. I went with Yang and held her hand while she got an addition to her dragon. It has an arm now, and it reaches around her shoulder and holds a rose to her chest between its talons. It took six whole hours and Yang didn't flinch for a second. She didn't even break a sweat. We didn't talk, not till it was done and she smiled a crystalline smile at me and said “now it's complete”. We went for a drink after. Two strawberry sunrises, with a little red umbrella, and a lot of talk. We talked about you, Ruby, and for the first time it felt normal. For the first time I talked about you in past tense. I flinched when I did it, and Yang held my hand and wiped away my tears. She whispered something about being strong, about how you wouldn't want a retelling of the way you almost skated across my ice into a tree only to catch your balance on the grimm you immediately impaled to end in tears. She was right. Memories are all I have of you now, and I should think of them with the million smiles I'd give to you if you were still here, not tears. Well, they're not quite all I have.

We went back to the tattoo shop, and I got a chain of roses around my left wrist. Yang held my hand, and I thought of you kissing me there while the needle pressed its ink.

I love you, Ruby River Rose. Weiss.

31st October Five months

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you

31st December Seven months

Ruby,

I'm sorry it's been a while. My roses are healed and when I look at them I think of you, and smile. You'd like them, they're delicate but bold, and suit me, just like you did.

Yang and Blake are moving in together. They got a little plot of land at the edge of Vale, and Blake, Yang, your dad, and Blake's mum and dad came to camp on the plot to help build them a house. You should have seen Taiyang and Ghira, Ruby! I'm sure you can imagine how well they got along after all the protective dad huffing and puffing. I spent most of my time drinking tea with Kali, and a good thing too. It took plenty of both our strengths just to keep them all on track, or they'd still be building it yet.

I'm not going back to Atlas. Your dad mentioned a position going at Signal as a teacher. They've erected a statue of you there, you know? You're their most decorated former student, and you didn't even graduate like the rest of us.

Taiyang has said he understands if I don't want to take the post. They all know I was Ruby Rose's partner, and you know how children soak up stories about their heroes. That's you, Ruby. You're a hero to the next generation. You did it.

I figured if you can do that, I can be a teacher and tell them about all your best moments. I'm taking the position, and I'll be staying with your dad. I think he likes the company of someone who can actually talk back to him, and Sowon just isn't cutting it anymore. She's almost seventeen now, but she still acts like a kitten.

I love you still, my darling Ruby Rose.

Weiss.

1st February Six months

I had my first class today.

Thirteen seven year olds, and they all sat on the floor cross legged staring up at me with stars in their eyes. They spent the entire first two hours asking questions about you, and cheering as I told them the stories of our feats together. They've unofficially named themselves Class RWBY, and their first creative project is to design an emblem that is a combination of yours, mine, Blake's and Yang's. I'll get them produced, and I'll teach them how to stitch so they can attach them to their shirts themselves.

One little girl came to me towards the end of class. She tugged on my skirt with a little frown on her face, and stared at the floor. She's actually eight and a half, late to start at Signal because the orphanage kept her back, so I think she's a little nervous around us. She's ambitious, though. She asked if she could see Crescent Rose. She'd like to design her own weapon in its honour. I told her I'd bring it with me tomorrow. You'd like her, Ruby. She has the same determination to prove herself as you always did. Her name is Lyra.

I never did tell you again how proud I was of you. I hope you know.

Weiss.

2nd April Eight months and one day

Ruby River Rose,

I let Lyra take Crescent Rose home today, to study it. It felt strange letting her out of my hands, but it felt relieving, too. I trust her with your baby, and I know you would too. You’d be so proud of her, Ruby. She has made so much progress since starting my class. She virtually lives at the school. I don’t think she likes going back to the orphanage at all, and by the sounds of things, it’s not the nicest place to live. I get the impression from discussions with her guardian that they don’t really believe she’ll manage to graduate. He apologised for wasting my time at her first parent-teacher conference! Like she was some sort of burden we’re only humouring!

It feels strange, knowing all this and then returning home, to a big empty house made for children. Your dad is great company, but I think he knows the house isn’t what it used to be either. It was never supposed to house no more than one man and his daughter’s partner.

I love you, as always. Weiss.

19th April Eight months, two weeks and four days

Ruby Rose,

Lyra doesn’t know her second name. I told her she should think about choosing one for herself. I told her I could help her with the legal side of changing it. She got embarrassed then, and I asked why. She told me she’d already been thinking about it. That she’d like to choose the name Rose. She was as red as one as she told me this, so I kneeled down, nudged her with my elbow, and told her I’d rather like to change my name to Rose too. Weiss Rose. It sounds beautiful, don’t you think?

I’m thinking of adopting her, actually. We can change our names together, and begin the Rose family all over again. I think… I think you’d want me to, Ruby. I think I’m ready to let another person into my life. I read back to the first letter I wrote to you, and… I think I’m ready, Ruby.

I’m ready to say goodbye. I love you and I will always love you my beautiful Rose, but I think it’s time for me to put this journal down and let you go. I hope you’re proud of me my love, I hope you’re safe and happy wherever you are. I’ll see you soon, but you don’t have to wait for me. Just keep a seat warm for me, alright? I love you, I love you, I love you.

Forever yours, Weiss Rose

[aion-rsa]

TV’s Most Confusing Episodes From Doctor Who to Westworld

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There has to be some confusion in a TV drama, a procession of things not-yet-understood. That’s the deal: accept temporary bafflement in the expectation that at some point, all will be revealed. Or even if it won’t be, at least there’s a reason it’s been left unsolved, like a Sudoku you’ve got jam on. 

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TV

Enough, Scrappy-Doo! The TV Dogs Who Need to Chill the F Out

By Alec Bojalad and 3 others

TV

TV’s Most Stressful Episodes From Battlestar Galactica to The Handmaid’s Tale

By Alec Bojalad and 2 others

What doesn’t work is when a TV show that’s supposed to be taking you along with it, leaves you behind. That could be your fault (Did you stay awake? Skip an episode? Were you checking your phone? Was your dog doing that weird thing with the curtains so you had to get up and miss a bit?). Or it could be the fault of a TV show either too ambitious or inaccessible or illogical for comfort. We’ve chosen the episodes that left us scratching our heads; you can judge who’s to blame. 

Doctor Who ‘Twice Upon a Time’ (2017)

So named because twice is the minimum number of times you have to watch the 2017 Doctor Who Christmas special before you have the weakest grasp of what’s going on. Considering that most will have only watched it once, and that, from inside a boozy, gravy-based fug, it’s staggering how esoteric this one is – impressively so. As showrunner Steven Moffat’s farewell episode, it’s a distillation of the sort of clever, complicated, ambitious, self-referential writing he’s known for.

There are two Doctors (three if you count the post-Regeneration glimpse of Thirteen), two overlapping Doctor Who stories, a Dalek, an ancestor of The Brigadier, a ship’s pilot made of glass, a moving historical WWI moment and three companions who aren’t really there. (Or are they?) It’s about regret, or reminiscence, or saying goodbye. It’s definitely about something and is doubtless very meaningful and poignant once you crack its shell, but there’s the sense that, unless you’re one of the Who hardcore, it doesn’t really care for you to try. Why be so aloof? It’s Christmas. Let the rest of us play too. LM  

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Season 4 Episode 8 ‘I’m Not the Person I Used to Be’

This was a bold move from a bold show. When Santino Fontana chose to leave Crazy Ex-Girlfriend after his one year contract ended, the character of Greg – assumed by many to be lead Rebecca’s romantic endgame – was written out in early season two. Then in the fourth and final season, Greg returned but this time played by Skylar Astin. Instead of glossing over the casting change and pretending as though nothing had happened (like when, say, Ross’ ex-wife Carol on Friends or mercenary warrior Daario Naharis on Game of Thrones changed faces), Crazy Ex-Girlfriend hit it straight on.

This smart, innovative series had always been filtered through the unreliable perspective of lead Rebecca Bunch (hence the extravagant musical numbers that take place in her head). So when Greg’s character was recast, the show used it to comment on our impressions of other people. ‘I’m Not the Person I Used to Be’ lampshaded New Greg with a psychoanalytical reflection on changing perceptions and personal growth. It was brave. It was innovative. It was admirable. It was… really confusing and distancing. However great Astin was in the role, and however clever the idea was, New Greg was the point at which some Crazy Ex-Girlfriend fans began to peel away from a show clearly unafraid to leave viewers behind. LM

Westworld Season 3 Episode 8 ‘Crisis Theory’

The Westworld season one finale was confusing in a delicious, grinning ‘Oh, you clever devil’ kind of way. The Westworld season two finale was confusing in an exhilarating ‘Blimey. All right then!’ kind of way. The Westworld season three finale was confusing in a way that made you feel like you’d watched the entire Terminator trilogy on fast-forward while downing a 12-pack of Red Bull and trying to rewire the electrics in your house. It wasn’t a good feeling.

I still don’t know which world-dominating AI was which, who was fighting who, what the evil French guy wanted, how many people were secretly Dolores, whether Maeve still only existed in the Matrix, and why Jesse from Breaking Bad was the new Jesus. If free will still exists by the time season four comes, I’m using mine to either get a valium prescription or change channels. LM

Rick and Morty Season 4 Episode 6 ‘Never Ricking Morty’

“Never Ricking Morty” is a particularly divisive episode of Rick and Morty – even at this very website! Some of us loved it, while others weren’t big fans. One thing that’s undeniable, however, is that this midseason 4 episode is the show’s most complicated narrative endeavor yet. “Never Ricking Morty” takes place on a “Story Train,” meaning that the plot initially goes through your typical three-act storytelling structure.

Once Rick and Morty realize where they are, however, Rick understands that the only way out of the Story Train is to reject the conventions of storytelling altogether. This means that any natural storytelling inclination must be resisted. It also means that the show burns through about nine series finales worth of epic nonsense right at the end as Rick and Morty’s “canon” is sucked right out of them. It’s tremendously challenging to watch, much less understand, and the episode wants it that way. – AB

Russian Doll Episode 7 ‘The Way Out’

Like many other Groundhog Day-style “time loop” stories, Netflix’s Russian Doll goes out of its way to establish the “rules” of its sci-fi premise. Every time Nadia Vulvokov (Natasha Lyonne) dies (which happens with disturbing frequency), she returns to the night of her 36th birthday party, washing her face in the bathroom as Harry Nilsson’s “Gotta Get Up” plays. That much is easy to understand, and Russian Doll has fun seeing how far it can make Nadia last before perishing and returning to the night in question.

Once she meets another person stuck in a time loop, however, things start to get wacky. Russian Doll’s seventh episode, “The Way Out,” is about as off-the-wall an experience as you’ll find on television. Nadia’s loved ones start to disappear. Then she flashes back to memories of her mother. Before you know it, teeth are bloodily falling out. Russian Doll settles in for a relatively logical ending in its eighth episode, but this penultimate installment is pleasantly incomprehensible. – AB

The Nevers Episode 6 ‘True’

The Nevers’ premise is bold enough to begin with. The HBO series is set in a fictional Victorian era where a select portion of the population (most of them women) have been “Touched” or blessed with supernatural abilities. Apparently, however, bold wasn’t nearly bold enough. The Nevers’ sixth episode, which serves as a de facto season finale due to a COVID production delay, upends everything.

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TV

Sky Atlantic’s The Nevers Proves That Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

By Lacy Baugher

TV

The Nevers Part 1 Finale Is The Most Surprising Hour of TV in a Long Time

By Alec Bojalad

This episode begins not in 19th century London like every other installment thus far, but in a far flung dystopian sci-fi future. Earth is barely habitable and humanity is on the ropes. The only possible hope that the human race has left is in the form of a powerful alien species known as the Galanthi. If this all sounds complicated, you don’t even know the half of it. “True” is notable for not holding the audience’s hand through this disorienting experience at all. The episode makes no attempt to tone down its futuristic jargon and it’s not entirely clear what’s even happening until halfway through. By episode’s end, it’s apparent how “True” connects to The Nevers’ original concept, but no one would be blamed for needing multiple rewatches to really get it. – AB

Farscape Season 4 Episode 7 ‘John Quixote’

Let it never be said that Farscape was a TV show afraid to take a big creative swing. In season 4, we get this trippy and confusing episode (written by series star Ben Browder), which sees Crichton and Chiana trapped in a virtual reality game based on the memories of Black-T Crichton (because, yes, this was after the storyline that saw the show’s main character split into two, equally valid humans) and a neural template from Stark. The game is designed to keep C & C trapped in the gameworld until they die so their consciousnesses will be trapped in the virtual reality—wait for it—forever.

This hour of TV actually holds up quite well upon rewatch, probably because it is packed to the brim with clever pop culture references, but an initial watch of this series installment is absolutely bonkers, featuring Aeryn as a southern belle, Rygel as a version of Monty Python’s Black Knight who can shoot fire out of his ass, and D’Argo as a lederhosen-wearing Hansel who, at one point, eats baked beans out of Jool’s intestines. I can only imagine what someone watching this episode out of context would imagine this show is actually about. – KB

Fringe Season 2 Episode 11 ‘Unearthed’

Some episodes of television intentionally challenge the viewer’s ability to interpret what the hell is going on, and some episodes of television are broadcast wildly out of order, seemingly bringing back a character killed off in the previous season for a humdrum monster-of-the-week installment. You may have guessed that I have a specific example in mind for that second category and, if so, you would be right. Written and filmed to be the 21st episode of Fringe’s first season, “Unearthed” was instead recycled to be a mid-season installment in the second season of Fox’s usually pretty great sci-fi drama.

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This might have worked—it’s a basic episode that sees the Fringe team exploring the mystery of a teen girl who is pronounced dead, only to wake up screaming an alphanumeric code while doctors are working to remove her organs—save for the fact that it features a Fringe team member who was killed at the end of the previous season. Honestly, I can laugh about this now, but, at the time, it was jarring and confusing, with the network (Fox, if you were wondering) offering no pre-episode or in-episode explanation offered for why the aforementioned deceased character might be up and walking. For this to happen in an episode that also features a guest character thought dead revealed to be alive is icing on the cake. – KB

The OA Episode 8 ‘Invisible Self’

The OA is one of the most aggressively bizarre shows in Netflix history. Created by and starring Brit Marling, this two-season sci-fi series is fit to bursting with strange, at times difficult-to-comprehend concepts. The storyfollows Marling as Prairie Johnson, a young woman who resurfaces after disappearing – only now she refers to herself as “The OA (or original angel)”. Prairie/The OA recruits several disciples who she promises to take to another dimension. In “Invisible Self”, the final episode of the show’s first season, it all somehow culminates into…well, into this:

Yes, what you’re seeing there is a group full of cult weirdos engaging in an interpretive dance to stop a school shooter. And mostly succeeding! The OA‘s second season gets even stranger in many respects but it’s hard to top the confusing majesty of this first season finale.

Twin Peaks: The Return ‘Part 8’

Legendary filmmaker David Lynch has absolutely no concerns about being dubbed “confusing.” In fact, when it comes to Lynch’s filmography, that’s kind of a feature, not a bug. In-between crafting mind-bending classic films like The Elephant Man, Blue Velvet, and Mulholland Drive, however, Lynch took some time to stamp his name into TV history with the surprisingly straight-forward Twin Peaks. Sure, Twin Peaks was frequently abstract and strange throughout its two-season run but it had a coherent plot, which is more than many Lynch movies can claim.

That sense of narrative coherence all ends during a particular episode of the 2017 revival Twin Peaks: The Return. “Part 8” is absolutely bonkers. Episode co-writer Mark Frost described it as “what you might describe as a Twin Peaks origin story, [showing] where this pervasive sense of darkness and evil had come from.” In Frost and Lynch’s world, that sense of darkness comes in forms including but not limited to: the detonation of the first atomic bomb in 1945, oodles of primordial ectoplasmic fluid, a frog/cockroach creature, woodsmen manifesting out of mid-air, and of course: a performance by “The” Nine Inch Nails. It’s one of the most confusing episodes of television in history…and one of the best.

Dark – Every. Single. Episode.

When trying to pinpoint one episode to highlight for this article, Dark fought back and I came to the conclusion that every single episode of German multigenerational sci-fi series Dark is borderline impenetrable. Just when you think you have finally wrapped your head around what’s happening in the small town of Winden, Dark will throw in another layer to this timey-wimey, multiversal story that assures that you, in fact, have no idea what the hell is going on.

That being said, unlike some of the shows on this list, the confusing nature of Dark’s narrative isn’t a bug; it’s an intentional feature. This is a show that asks a lot from its viewers, but gives us satisfying answers in return. And it’s OK if you only ever have half an idea of what’s going on—if that’s the case, you’re doing better than most of Dark’s characters. – KB

The post TV’s Most Confusing Episodes From Doctor Who to Westworld appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[branlovestowrite]

Complicating Factors: Chapter 3

This is my work in progress fic, which I have only been posting on fanfiction.net.  After 12 chapters, my muse has fizzled out. I hope by revising & reposting this, I can get inspired again. Your comments and suggestions (chill vibes only!) are welcome and encouraged!

Complicating Factors

Rating: M for language and smut in later chapters

Summary: Emma Swan is a single mother trying to contact her ex and father of her child, Neal Cassidy. While she expected some awkwardness when meeting Neal’s mother, Milah Gold, she never expected the undeniable attraction she feels toward Milah’s younger boyfriend, Killian Jones. No Magic, Modern AU. Captain Swan.

Previous Chapters: Ch1 Ch2

Also on fanfiction.net.

The rest of the weekend was uneventful, and Emma started the new week feeling good. On Monday she started the work of transitioning to her new role, taking on a few of the lower risk cases. These were not as lucrative as the case with Jack, but they were quick, and she was able to complete a few in one day, providing her with a take home pay on Monday of around $250. Not too shabby, and much better than the pay she was getting as an admin. She had not made progress on hiring her replacement, and Tuesday morning she committed to doing that. She was just settling at the desk when her cell phone rang. It was Milah. Emma hoped she had some news on the Neal front.

"Hello," Emma said as she answered the phone.

"Emma, it's Milah. How are you?"

"Not too bad. How about you?"

"The day is still young, but it's looking good. I was calling to see if you'd be available to have lunch with me today?"

"I think I can do that, but let me get back to you in about an hour. I need to do some interviews today."

"Ok, well if today doesn't work, let me know about tomorrow or Thursday. My mornings are slow during the week."

"Will do. I'll call you back shortly."

Emma hung up. Her time with Milah on Saturday had greatly improved her opinion of Neal's mother. Milah was charmed by Henry and seemed to truly want to be a part of his life. Emma prided herself on being able to read people, and saw no hints of Milah being anything other than what she appeared to be to be. In addition to the woman's obvious affection for Henry, Emma found she really liked Milah. She was a warm and open person. She felt now that the possessive behavior over Killian at their first meeting must have been more of a physical manifestation of Milah's insecurities than any enmity towards Emma. She wanted to get to know this woman better, and was looking forward to a one-on-one lunch with her.

She went through the few résumés they'd received since posting the admin job on Friday. Most had no experience, which was not necessarily a bad thing. Two looked promising, and Emma called them to do a phone screen. She was able to get one to come in around 11:00 for a interview. Confident she could be done with that by noon, she called Milah back and scheduled lunch for 12:30 at a sandwich shop nearby.

The 11:00 interview, with a young woman named Ashley, went well. Ashley didn't have much work experience beyond working as hotel maid, but she was pleasant and organized. She saw the files stacked on Emma's desk and offered to help sort them before the interview even began. Emma wouldn't let her do unpaid work, but Ashley gave her a few ideas of how to organize the files that would make the process go faster. Emma liked Ashley, and after a brief meeting with Leroy, they offered her the job. She happily accepted, though she did say she would need a few days to get her childcare situation in order. Leroy was amenable and they agreed she would start the following Monday.

Emma was in a good mood as she walked to meet Milah for their lunch date. They placed their orders and then sat down at a table near the back, where it was quieter.

"Did your interview go well?" Milah asked.

"Yes. We hired her, so now I have a replacement."

"Now, tell me again what you do. I have a vague idea of what a bail bonds person does, but it's more from TV shows where an unusually large man jumps over fences to chase down offenders.

Emma laughed. "My life isn't quite so glamorous. My company helps people who have been arrested and don't have the money to afford bail. If they don't show up for their court dates, we have to pay the entire amount of their bail to the courts. So, my new job is the make sure they show up for court."

"Do a lot of people skip their court appointments?"

"Not as many as you'd think. But enough that my boss, Leroy, keeps five bond agents in rotation. Most of them are small time cases. Not as dangerous as what you see in the movies."

"And how do you get paid?"

"They pay us 10% of the bond."

"Fascinating. How did you get into this work?"

"Well, it's a long story." Emma took a deep breath. She couldn't tell Milah how she got into the bond industry without telling her what came before. "Since you haven't spoken to Neal in so long, you probably don't know that he was dealing drugs."

"Neal was a drug dealer? No, that's news to me. It's really hard for me to picture him doing that. When was this?"

"About seven years ago. I met him when I was 17. I had no idea he was dealing while we were together."

"And how long was that?"

"Two years. He disappeared a few months after my 19th birthday. The cops came to search our apartment and found cocaine in my suitcase. I was arrested. They tried to get more information from me about the supplier, but I didn't know anything. They gave me two years."

"That seems a bit much if you didn't know anything."

"Gotta love those mandatory minimum sentences. I've never even done cocaine. The worst I did was pot, but even that wasn't very often. Anyway, I found out I was pregnant with Henry while I was in jail."

Milah looked crushed. "You served two years and had your son in jail because my son set you up?"

"It looks that way. I haven't heard from him since, so I don't know if he meant to set me up, or if he just forgot he'd used my suitcase to stash his supply. Anyway, when I got out, I had a hard time finding work. I met Leroy, and he took a chance on me and made me his admin. I've been his admin for the last two years. Just got promoted on Friday."

"You are certainly inspiring, rebuilding your life the way you have. Did Henry stay with your family while you were in jail?"

"No. I don't have much family. He was placed with a foster mother, Regina Mills. She was actually really great. She helped me get back on my feet once I got out. We still see her a lot."

Milah grabbed Emma's hand across the table. "I know I shouldn't apologize for what Neal did, but I am very sorry that you went through all that."

"Thank you. I don't like to focus on the past. I just keep trying to move forward and give my son better than I had." Emma let out a deep breath, keeping her emotions in check. "So, how about you? I told you my story about Neal. Why haven't you seen him in so long?"

It was Milah's turn to sigh. "I told you about Robert last time and how cruel he was. I'm sure you've guessed that Killian was the man I had an affair with."

"Yes, I thought that might be the case."

"What I didn't tell you was that Neal and Killian were friends. That how we met."

"Whoa..." Emma said, sitting back in the booth.

"Neal was a sophomore at Storybrooke, and Killian was a first year grad student. He was a teaching aide for Neal's history class, and they hit it off. Neal brought Killian home at Thanksgiving. Said he wanted to show him our English Thanksgiving."

"Neal told me about that. How you guys had traditional English dishes instead of turkey."

"Yes, well, Robert and I never celebrated Thanksgiving, but Neal begged us to do it when he was little. All his schoolmates talked about their own celebrations, so we decided to put our own spin on it."

"And Neal thought Killian would enjoy it since he's British as well?"

"He's actually Irish, but he spent a lot of time in school in England, so he's lost most of his brogue. But, yes, Neal thought Killian might like it. I felt an attraction to Killian the moment I met him, but I knew it was wrong. I tried to avoid it."

The parallels to her current situation did not escape Emma. "What happened?"

"After Thanksgiving, he was always around. He and Neal spent quite a bit of time together. I thought it would be good for Neal. He was never a very serious student. I hoped Killian would be a good influence. Killy was such a sweet boy. He lost his mother when he was very young, and I thought maybe he was looking to me to fill that role. I was alright with that. But one day, he came by when Neal wasn't home. Robert and I just had a fight, and he wasn't home either. I knew it was a bad idea, but I invited Killian in and we had dinner together. That was the first time he kissed me. I was horrified at first. Tried to avoid him and pretend it never happened, but the next time I saw him, all that attraction came back in full force. He told me that he never saw me as a mother figure. Said he loved me and wanted to be with me. I resisted for a long time, but by the summer we were seeing each other regularly. The truth eventually came out. Neal was failing, and when he found out about my affair, he decided to quit school. He ran away and cut off contact with Robert and I. Robert divorced me, and I took the paltry settlement he gave me to start my shop and purchase the flat above it."

"And you've been with Killian ever since?"

"On and off. We've had our spats. The longest we were apart was six months. I never dated anyone else, though. I truly do love him, even when he's being a complete arse. But I don't know why he's convinced I'm the only one for him."

"Why not?"

"We want different things. He wants a family. He swears he does not, but I see the looks on his face when we are at the store and a cute child walks by. Or how much fun he had with Henry. He wants a child of his own some day, and that won't be with me. I am content with my life. The only thing I want is to reconcile with Neal."

"If he's told you he doesn't want a child, why not just take him at face value? Maybe he's not lying."

"It's not just that. We fight. A lot. I hate how insecure I feel around him. And I know that Neal would not be happy if he came back to find me still with Killian."

"Neal doesn't get a say in this," Emma said. "He's a grown man and he doesn't need to be happy with your life decisions. Only you do."

"And what if I'm not?"

"Not what? Not happy? Then do something. Find out what's making you unhappy and change it."

"I wish I could be as assertive as you. I don't think I've ever done one thing in my life that wasn't tied to a man in some way. My father kept me under his thumb until I escaped to be with Robert, and then Robert changed and I jumped ship to be with Killian."

"You started your shop. That wasn't because of a man."

Milah's face lit up. "You're right. I did that for me. I love vintage clothes. The quality is unmatched by many of the things made today."

"Find other things like that. Things you like to do just for you."

"I wouldn't even know where to begin. Have you ever let a man control your life?"

"Just once. With Neal. Well, I guess Henry does, but that's different. I learned a long time ago that I couldn't rely on anyone more than myself. The only one who saves me is me."

"How did you meet Neal?"

Emma flushed. "I was stealing a car that he'd already stolen. I'd just turned 17 and was running away from the foster system. I'd only had one driving lesson, from a fellow foster kid who first showed me how to break into the car and jump start it. I took those skills, packed up my stuff, and bolted. I took the car, thinking it was an old one the driver probably didn't need anymore. I scouted it for about a week, and it never moved. But I didn't realize that Neal was living in it."

Milah's eyes grew watery at the thought of her son living in a car. She blinked a few times and sniffled. "You said you were 17 at the time? That would have made Neal...23. Is that right?"

"Yep. He was the first person who actually seemed to want me around. I latched onto that."

"I can't imagine him taking a young girl in and then abandoning her later. I thought I raised him better than that," Milah huffed. "I want to find him and grab him by the ear and make him explain himself."

"I'm guessing you've had no luck getting hold of Robert?"

"No. I tried visiting his office yesterday, but he slammed the door when he saw me coming. He threatened to call campus security and have me arrested for harassment. Still such a bloody coward."

"So maybe I should go see him."

"I can't ask you to deal with him. This is my problem."

"Yes, but he doesn't know me. He has no reason to hide from me."

"Good point. Well, if you want to go by, his office is in the Spencer building, room 204."

"Thanks. I think I will do that. What's the best time to go?"

"His office hours haven't changed since he started the job. On Wednesdays, he's available from 9-11."

"Tomorrow morning it is. I'll let you know how it goes."

"Good luck." Milah said with a smile.

Killian was trudging up the stairs to his apartment when he felt his phone vibrate to alert him of a text message. It was from Milah.

Last minute appointment. Be home late.

He typed a quick reply. Dinner?

I'll eat before. Fend for yourself. :-)

He pocketed his phone and pulled out his keys to unlock the door. He had some grading to do and thesis proposal to review, so there was plenty to occupy him that evening. After setting his things down, he walked to the kitchen and saw nothing appetizing, so he decided to order Thai food. After calling and placing his order, he sat at his desk and began working.

He was lost in a research paper about the Golden Age of Piracy when the doorbell rang. It seemed a bit too soon for the delivery to be arriving. He opened the door and was immediately pulled out of the apartment by a pair of burly arms.

"Liam?! What the blazes... Let go of me!" He pushed his brother off.

"Now now," Liam boomed in his commanding voice. "Is that any way to greet your brother?"

"You're lucky I don't give you a black eye when you greet me by putting me in a headlock."

"Comes with the territory, little brother."

"Younger brother," Killian corrected, rubbing a sore spot on his neck. "Come on you stubborn arse. Let's get inside."

They walked into the small apartment, Liam toward the couch, and Killian to the fridge. Two beers in hand, Killian joined his brother in the living area and settled on the couch. The clinked their bottles together in a toast and each took a hearty sip.

"So," Killian began, "what brings you to Boston?"

"Investigating new opportunities. My company is looking into switch carriers for some of our Trans-Atlantic freight."

Liam worked in logistics for some sort of manufacturing company. That was all Killian knew about his brother's livelihood. It seemed to pay well, however, and he was constantly travelling between his home in London and the US, though often to New York instead of Boston.

"Well, I wish you would have told me you were coming. How long are you in town for?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise! I fly back in next Friday, but I have to spend most of next week in New York. I thought I could take some time off and pester my younger brother for a few days in Boston."

"I can't cancel my classes. The administration is watching me like a hawk. I think Gold told them I was just handing out grades."

"You'd think after ten years he'd be over you shagging his wife right under his nose."

Killian gave Liam a pained look. "It wasn't like that. You know."

"I know nothing other than you jumped on her like an eager puppy and wore her down until she couldn't avoid you."

The younger Jones brother began scratching behind his ear, his old nervous tick. "You're not being fair, Liam. You know I love Milah."

"Aye, that I do." Liam clenched his teeth, and Killian knew he was holding himself back from voicing the remainder of his thoughts. Killian had heard it all before. You two are both lovely people, but you don't belong together. You're just so afraid to be alone that you cling to each other and block yourselves off from the chance to be really happy. This was a constant refrain in Killian's thoughts, fed somewhat from Liam's comments on prior occasions, and also from his own insecurities. He knew there was something missing with Milah, but he was terrified of the thought of ever leaving her.

"Speaking of," Liam said, "Where is your better half?"

"I don't know. She texted me and said she had a last minute appointment."

"She didn't say what it was?"

"I didn't bother to ask. I have some grading to do, and I ordered Thai food, so I was looking forward to a productive evening."

"Well, put off your grading and stash the Thai for your lunch tomorrow. I'm taking you out to dinner."

"OK. Let me put on something other than my professor uniform." Killian stood up and went to his room to change. As he stood in the room in nothing but his boxers, he heard the doorbell ring.

"Oi! Liam! That'll be my food. Cash for the tip is on the kitchen counter." He finished dressing in jeans and a soft t-shirt. He walked out to the living area, the rich aroma of the food making his mouth water.

"I may need to have a little nibble. I am starving." Stepping around the counter, he saw the cash he had set aside still sitting on the counter. He spun around on Liam. "You didn't give him the tip?"

"You Americans and your bloody tipping. Why isn't it just included in the price?"

"You git! They'll never deliver here again if I short change the drivers. Or if they do, they'll spit in my food."

"You really have become an American. You didn't even correct me when I called you that. And you're more concerned with making sure this crazy system stays in place."

Killian paused. "I'm not an American, I'm a Permanent Resident. And that place has the best Thai food for miles, and now, thanks to you, I can't ever have them deliver again."

Liam laughed. "Come on, Killy. Get your shoes on. I'll find us a better Thai food place for dinner."

Wednesday morning found Emma driving around the campus of Storybrooke University trying to find a parking spot. Was parking such a mess at every school? She suddenly found herself grateful that she'd never had the college experience, if only because she had no idea how she would deal with a parking situation like this every day. Finally finding a spot, nearly on the opposite side of campus from where she wanted to be, she stepped out of her car and shivered at the chilly air of the early spring morning. She hugged her jacket tighter to herself and started the long walk to the Spencer building.

After getting turned around more than once, and with the help of some students, she stood in front of the Spencer building. It was a clean, sleek, modern building. Obviously one of the newer ones on campus. Idly she wondered if the building Killian worked in was as nice. She opened the glass doors and followed the signs to the elevator. Just as the doors started to close, she heard a cry in the hallway.

"Wait! Please, hold the door!"

Emma swiftly moved to block the doors from closing and pressed the button to hold them. A petite woman with brown hair rushed through, holding a box overflowing with books.

"Thanks," she said.

"No problem," Emma replied. She turned to stare at the doors for their short ride to the second floor. The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Emma found that she and the young woman were going in the same direction. She approached the door to Robert Gold's office and saw that it was closed. The woman saw her pause.

"Are you looking for Professor Gold? He'll be back in a moment. He told me he was going to grab a coffee."

"I am, thank you."

After she deposited her books in what appeared to be a small library, she turned and extended her hand. "I'm Belle. I work with Professor Gold." She gave Emma a warm smile, and her striking blue eyes sparkled with cheer.

"Emma Swan."

"Are you here to talk about pursuing a law degree?"

"Oh, no. This is a more personal matter." She felt uncomfortable revealing too much about herself to a relative stranger. To change the subject, she said "Do you teach as well?"

"No. I'm actually the assistant librarian for the school, but I am helping maintain the legal library until they can hire someone to take over."

"So, just a temporary role?"

"Well, it was supposed to be, but that was a year ago. There's always an issue with getting funding in the budget for the replacement, so I just keep helping out. I'm lucky we have enough student workers to help fill the gaps in the library."

"Why not get a student worker to come over here?"

"Oh, well, he wouldn't like that. He's very particular with how things are organized."

"He?"

"Professor Gold."

"I wasn't aware he was head of the department."

"I'm not," said a voice behind her. Emma turned to see an older man with dark grey hair and a ruddy complexion. He was dressed impeccably in a tailored, pinstripe suit and leaning on an ornate cane. His brown eyes had a cold look, but Emma recognized them as the same eyes that her son Henry possessed. The same eyes Neal possessed.

"Mr. Gold..." she began.

"Professor Gold, if you please. May I ask who you are and why you are making questions about my staffing choices?"

"Robert, please, she was just making conversation," Belle interjected. Emma did not miss the fact that Belle was not required to address him formally.

"And who is she?"

Emma steeled herself and stepped forward, extending her hand. "I'm Emma Swan. I need to talk to you about your son, Neal."

He did not take her hand. "What could you possibly have to do with my son?" He sneered.

Her patience quickly wore thin."Recently, not much, but five years ago he abandoned me, pregnant and serving time for his criminal activity. My son wants to meet his father, and since Neal has disappeared off the face of the Earth, I need you to help me find him."

Gold was speechless. His eyes changed from their previous disdainful cast and took on a faraway look. "Neal had a son?"

"No, I had a son. And if it were up to me, Neal wouldn't have anything to do with him. But that's not fair to Henry. So, how do I get in contact with Neal?"

The faraway look was gone. He stared at Emma again with that cold gaze. "How do I know the boy is even Neal's?"

"Because he has your eyes," Emma said. She whipped out the wallet-sized picture of Henry she had stashed in her jacket pocket that morning and handed it to Gold.

He looked down at the picture with watery eyes, but the emotion almost immediately receded. His eyes raised up to meet Emma's. "I don't have a number for Neal, but I have a way to contact him. I will reach out and let you know once I hear back. How should I contact you? I assume you no longer reside in jail?"

She scoffed and handed him her business card. "My cell phone number is on there." She snatched the picture back from Gold. "If I don't hear from you, I'll be back. Don't think about trying to hide from me."

"You should watch your tone, dearie."

"Let's get one thing straight. I am not afraid of you. Try to intimidate me all you want. It. Won't. Work. I am here for one reason, and that is to give my son a chance to meet his father."

"I never do anything without a price."

"Robert," Belle interjected. Emma hadn't realized she was still there. "This boy is your grandson. Stop being hostile and help her out."

The effect was incredible. One moment Gold was an angry imp ready to destroy Emma, but a word from Belle and he turned to mush. There was definitely something more between them than just a work relationship. Gold released a heavy breath. He turned back to Emma."Very well, I will contact Neal. If I don't hear from him in a week, I will call and let you know.

"Thank you," Emma said, turning to take her leave.

"Wait, Miss Swan. Might I keep the photo? I'd like the share it with Neal."

Emma hesitated. She didn't like the idea of this man having a picture of Henry. But it may make Neal more likely to come out of the woodwork. She reluctantly handed him the print.

"Pleasure doing business with you. We'll speak soon."

She turned and stalked toward the elevator. Despite the satisfactory outcome of her visit, she couldn't help feeling like she'd just made a deal with the devil.

[franeridart]

I'm so glad Kirishima is getting so much spotlight, he really deserves it!!!! And it looks like hes gonna get more, since hes in the main group along with Deku, Uraraka and Tsuyu. I;m so hyped!!!

Honestly!!!!!!!!!!! That’s one interesting group tbh, Kirishima and Tsuyu’s interactions are always incredibly adorable to watch and seeing Kirishima interact for so long with pure and good people is gonna be hard on my heart (I mean, you know I’m 100% a bakusquad fan but they’re all at least in part assholes and Kiri fits with them just right, he can be just like Sero and Kaminari and I love it, but then his interactions with Amajiki have been so pure can you imagine an arc filled with that I’m already crying)

I just hope my other faves won’t completely disappear through this arc haha sigh

Anon said: So which Kacchan quote do you like best "Die your bacteria fucks, dieee!" or "BRING YOUR DAMN TRASH TO ME"?

LMAO SORRY ANON BUT MY FAVE GOTTA BE

WHAT A GODDAMN DISASTER THIS BOY IS

Anon said:there's a terushima week. thought i might tell you bc i miss you drawing him ;3; might wanna join? :3

Anon said:Terushima week is this next week! (@terushimaweek) Might we maaaybe see some cute lil bokuroterus sometime soon? ;)

As I’ve already said, sadly I’ve found out about this too late to be part of it - I’m not completely ruling out the possibility of doodling something one of the days, but I didn’t have the time to plan anything and I’m still in the middle of working things through with the bakushima week and bakugou’s birthday so I don’t know - they 19th is Teru’s birthday so maybe I’ll draw something for it, but it’s also a super busy day for me so it really depends on how soon I’ll be able to finish everything else I’m working on orz I’m sorry guys I seriously had no clue about this till, like, five days ago o

Anon said: What are your thoughts on KiriDeku b/c I'm not even that into it but as soon as I saw art I was like "OMFG I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING SO PURE CHOULD EVER EXIST!!!" My following thought was that'd you may have something interesting to say (as you always do, I luv it), so here I am 😁 Also, I love the blog, your amazing art, and you!! I truly appreciate all you do ❤️❤️

Awwww thank you!!! And I dunno, as things are now my opinion on a possible ship might change soon enough because it looks like their interactions amount is about to skyrocket, so anything I say right now is just a temporary answer? But generally I find their friendship incredibly adorable, though as of now I don’t think I can see anything romantic between the two... mostly because even though I’ve seen them being friendly and supportive of each other I don’t think I’ve ever seen them actually connect over anything that wasn’t Bakugou?? Being friendly and supportive is just how they both are with everyone, before I can say I ship them I’m gonna need something more singular to their relationship

I might be totally biased here considering where my main shipping lies, though haha

Anon said:HOSHIHINA!!!! YESSSSS!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! I think this is like.... my new OTP or well... a new OTP that I will gratefully put on the shelf next to all my other children in love!! oh yeah and THANK YOU for introducing me to both BNHA and d grey man! I'M IN LOVE!!! oH and YOUR ART IS AMAZING!!! KEEP IT UP!! I WILL GRATEFULLY SWALLOW UP ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU POST IT'S AMAZING!!! YOUR OC'S TOO!!! Have a nice day!!

So much!!! HYPE in this ask!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!! Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for EVERYTHING anon I hope you’ll have the best day!!!!!! *O* And I’m SUPER GLAD you gave dgm and bnha a try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Aww the kiss. I know you posted it the other day, but it wouldn't load on my tablet. They're so cute, those two. 💜✌

*lays down forever* they are aren’t they those pure idiots !!!!

Anon said:I'm laughing so hard. Literally everyone that read the new chapter was like expectation vs reality. I love my idiots. Also yas to HoshiHina

HoshiHina is an A+ ship with A+ potential and I think I’m being slowly but surely swallowed by it - then again, what Hinata ship don’t I ship even ??? the mysteries

Anon said:To answer you question on what cheese sticks are, they're this disgusting processed cheese stick, also known as string cheese, and it's p much what it is, cheese in the form of a small stick that you can pull apart into strings and eat like that! (as you may have noticed, I'm not a fan hah) ((I don't know if you know the artist mookie, but she made a comic about bokuto eating a cheesestick whole before)

Anon said: cheese sticks = string cheese? D: they are delicious i promise

I’m seeing conflicting reports here (lol) but yes this might be a problem for me only because as I said I’m Italian but what I’m failing to see here is what kind of cheese are these things supposed to be ???

Anon said:Are you into Kuroken?

Only as very good friends, I don’t ship it romantically at all

Anon said:I love your bakushimas, SO SO SO MUCH. God, and with the latest chapter, I just can't wait for more interactions with them. God, seeing as I think Kirishima was filmed by the people that were there, I want to see Bakugou's reaction to his new move.

This took me long enough to answer that we now know Baku’s reaction was total and utter envy at how popular Kiri is LMAO - but yeah I still think Baku already knew about Kiri’s new move! After all he most probably came up with it as they trained for the license exam and I can’t believe he wouldn’t test it against Bakugou to make sure he actually turns unbreakable? Also proud-of-himself Kiri yelling at the squad to check out his new move is too much of a good image I can’t let that one go hahaha

Anon said:I started following you for Haikyuu but started boku no hero academia in order to understand what your other drawings were so I thank you (and blame you) for getting me hooked on another anime and manga :)

I’m!!!!!! HAPPY you ended up liking it???!!!! *O*

Anon said:I just wanted to tell you that you're my most fave artist here in tumblr istg i go to your page everyday just to go back at the fanart you drew if you didn't have any new, but when u have, my heart just swells and i fuss over it. God bless you because you opened my eyes for bakushimanari when i was just kiribaku back then.. God i love denki sfm right now bc of you, im sad bkk week is over though ahh and laven. Jfc i love your laven pls draw them more if u can 😘 i hope you'll have a great day!!

Don’t!!!! worry anon Laven has been my #1 otp since I was sixteen at this point it’s just not gonna leave me ever, I’ll definitely draw more of it in the future! And thank you??? so much?????? Oh man!!!!!

Anon said:Everyone in class 1-A: *trains as if they're gonna be in a battle royal and need to (literally) slaughter the competition* Competition: OBSTACLE RACE YAY

Well, the anime did change the training scenes a lot lol but LMAO anon they’re highschoolers what were you expecting hahahahaha it’s already savage enough as it is, I assure you lol

Anon said:Hi hello yes are you up for some angsty stuff because my brain turns even the sweetest moment to that, like what if kaminari saw bakushima's first kiss and he becomes so sad b/c he crushes on them both but he pretends not to and starts teasing 'em like a true bro while hiding his feelings and idk it's only if you want but yeah, how's your day been?

..........I would lie if I said I didn’t think about this while drawing that kiss R I P my multishipper heart is gonna kill me BUT IT’S OKAY I’m not one for unhappy endings so consider this - Denki sees them kiss, since he’s best bro and both Kirishima and Bakugou tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves he already knew this was gonna happen so he’s like, sad but resigned it hurts and he wishes he didn’t have to see it but he loves them both so much that he can’t help but being happy for how happy they are at the same time too (sure, being part of that happiness would be a dream coming true, but he’s used to never coming first he can deal with this hahahahaha r i p)

Meanwhile a bit after the kiss once Kiri is a hundred per cent sure Bakugou isn’t going to explode his head off if he mentions his very huge crush on Kaminari he does and Bakugou’s like, shit, it’s not like he’d mind it because Kaminari is, well, he’s Kaminari and Bakugou isn’t sure why but he’s comfortable to be around and easy to talk to and he’s stupidly pretty and like, yeah, okay, he might be into him too, maybe, he isn’t admitting anything here (not like he needs to, as stated already he’s pretty easy to read), but Kaminari’s also the no homo type of het so it’s not like they can do much about this threeway crush or whatever, and Kirishima’s like sure, I know, I just wanted to be open about this to avoid trouble, which is very sensible and will cut us on a lot of miscommunication angst this is getting out of hand let’s skip ahead I always forget how much fun I have writing this kind of bullshit

For however much Kaminari swore he could deal with it and how much he’s actually managing to deal with it he’s also the same brand of open book Baku and Kiri are and while it was easy to act like friends with no romantic feelings when everyone was doing the same, trying to hide from Bakugou and Kirishima while they’re openly in a relationship turns out to be more or less impossible, mostly because he can’t seem to avoid the longing stares and sad smiles and the I have to go I just remembered I have a thing to do bye’s when it becomes too much, and Kirishima might not be the brightest but he’s perfectly in tune with everyone’s feelings and Bakugou might stomp on people’s feelings more often than not but he is the brightest which means they notice and they’re like god fucking damn it - Bakugou in nature isn’t one to talk about problems until they burst out in fits of anger, but thank god he’s got Kirishima right there and they might not be 100% sure they got the reason for Kaminari’s weirdness right but they’re exasperated and they at least want their friend to stop being weird and avoiding them, they miss him (and Kaminari seriously misses them too he feels so stupid for how big of a deal he’s turning this into) SO they corner him and talk it out cause I’m a slut for open and honest communication and Kaminari straight out starts crying from happiness and relief before they’re even done talking and Kirishima starts crying right after him because sympathetic crier supreme and Bakugou’s like you know what I changed my mind fuck both of you emotional disasters I’m out

(spoiler he isn’t really)

[everlark-fanfic]

The Kids Are Alright Chapter 1

So basically I wrote this chapter 1 as a sample for a post-epilogue fanfic centered around katniss and peeta’s kids, more particularly their daughter. If anyone is interested in me going further, let me know. Otherwise, enjoy: 

Lilly

It was all basically a blur.

“One more!” “Another, Lilly, come on!” “Don’t be like that, just one more.”

The brightest lights I’ve ever seen, the smoothest alcohol I’ve tasted, the best music that I can’t help but dance to. The most handsome boy I’ve ever laid eyes on, pressing his lips onto mine, and then disappearing out into the crowd like he was never even here.

The Capitol is my new favorite place to be, hands down. I don’t know why I never listened to my cousins when they told me to come visit for a party, but tonight, on my cousin Finn’s 19th birthday, I had to see if all the stories were true. And they absolutely were.

In 12 a birthday party is basically your mother and father rounding your closest family and friends who aren’t dead to sit around and dance to the same exact song on the fiddle. Every year. And every year I roll my eyes and grit my teeth as my parents show all my friends the old square dance they used to do back before the revolution. Once my mother explained it to me, why she loves it so much, and why I’ll never understand how much dancing around on a full belly celebrating another year of life means to her.

And she's right, I will never understand. But right now all I can think about is how my speech seems to flow in cursive, my eyelids feel like they weigh a ton, my body seems to move like an ocean, and my lips still tingle from the sensation of a stranger. I’ve never felt more on top of the world than I do now, and then I fall.

“Lilly!” Piper laughs, “Get up, you look like an ass!”

“I can actually see your ass” Burch gloats.

“Ok, ok. I’m um, I uh, who was that?” I stammer, looking in the crowds for the beautiful hunk that just vanished.

“Who knows,” Fletcher giggles, “But he’s long gone now, better get your fix somewhere else.” He pours an ounce of a bluish purple liquid that looks like space into a small glass, handing it over, “One for the road?”

I feel violently sick just looking at it. “No thanks,” I croak out, visibly nauseated. “I honestly better be getting home soon.” I look over at the clock and I almost faint when I see that it reads 2:04 am. “Shit” I mutter. My parents are literally going to kill me. Now that the transit system in Panem is used a lot more to travel to the outlying districts, they had to make the trains much faster. Still, even with our ridiculously fast trains, I wouldn't be home until three or four in the morning.

Finn, who’s the oldest out of all of us grabs me by the wrist and hugs me so incredibly tight I feel like I can’t breathe, “THANKS FOR COMING LILY!” He practically screams right in my ear, obviously very drunk. He quiets down a bit, “Honestly, thank you, like you just are the greatest, and,” he hiccups “and I am so happy you came here for my birthday. IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” he yells out to the crowd and they roar back encouragingly.

I smile and give him a kiss on the cheek, “Love you Finn, I’ll see you soon. Happy birthday!” He smiles and ruffles up my hair a bit, backing away slowly and then returning to the dance floor.

I turn to the group who appears to be taking another shot of the space juice. I chuckle when Piper and Burch make faces of disgust desperately trying to keep the liquid down. Fletcher does his best to look unfazed, minus the tears welling up in his eyes.

“Can I walk you out?” Burch asks politely, and holds out his arm for me to take. I gladly take it and Piper immediately takes my other side and we exit the party, leaving Fletcher and Finn to take care of each other.

The walk to the train station is quite chilly, in the midst of January it can get pretty cold here, so we all huddle together for warmth. After 10 minutes of us three drunken slobs stumbling away, we arrive at the station and the screen lets us know the next late nite train will be arriving in 8 minutes. We sit down on the bench on the platform and wait together.

“That was so much fun,” Piper sighs. “Finn is so drunk I can’t even believe it.”

Burch and I laugh, “Yeah, but it’s his day so we’re not allowed to judge. Every other day we can, though” Burch says.

While Burch and Piper joke about how Finn was starting to turn into our uncle Haymitch, I sink back on the bench and check my phone. 1 missed call from Mom, 1 missed call from Dad, another missed call from Mom, and a text from Terrin reading: “You’re in so much trouble :)”

I look around and cringe at the thought of going home. I feel so incredibly uneasy about it. I never really disobey my parents and I always let them know exactly where I am, especially if I go out of the district to visit my cousins, which I’ve been doing a lot more of lately. This time however, feels so different. I feel so uneasy, I could almost--

I hurl all over the platform, barely missing everyone's shoes. Burch and Piper look horrified.

“Sorry guys,” I wipe my mouth. “I’ve never partied like this before”

“Happens” Piper giggles and I shoot her a grin.

I can hear the chanting of the train coming closer, and soon enough it’s breeze is cooling off our sweaty faces. I carefully step over my pile of vomit and wave goodbye to Piper and Burch, “I’ll see you all soon. Let me know next time you want to do this again, if I’m not grounded by then.” I hop on the train and watch them try and mimic my moves to get over the pile. Burch pretends to push Piper into it and she almost loses her balance and swats him playfully.

My train leaves and through the window I can see Burch put his arm around Piper and gracefully swoop her up before he gently leans in for a quick peck on her lips. The sight of it makes my stomach wrench and before I know it, I’m puking again, this time into a paper bag behind the seat meant for motion sickness. After a few hurls, I look down and I whisper to myself “Burch? And Piper?” I hold down another wave.

I mean they’re cousins for God’s sake. Well, not really biologically. The six us have grown up together, at every family gathering, at every birthday party, at every funeral, and every wedding, these kids are my family. Our parents told us that we were cousins when we were young, but as we got older we figured out the real dynamic.

Finn came first, he is my aunt Annie’s son. My parents said as soon as they saw how happy Finn made Annie, the thought of having me didn’t scare them so much anymore.

Next came Burch, my uncle Gale’s son. He and Finn are only six months apart, and Burch was born right after the revolution. Needless to say, Burch was an accident, my uncle Gale only knowing my aunt Maple for three months before she was pregnant with him. Two years later, after getting married, they welcomed Fletcher, who is now sixteen.

Piper is my aunt Johanna’s daughter and she’s seventeen just like me, only about ten months older. She is the closest thing I have to a sister, my absolute best friend. My parents have been really close with aunt Johanna for almost twenty years, her and my father are even closer. Sometimes if something falls and makes a loud noise, they will start breathing hard but in the exact same way and my mom has to keep them from getting violent. I’ve only seen it happen once with aunt Jo, but a handful of times with my father. Aunt Jo was seeing this man formerly from District 11 when she moved to 2 to join the armed forces. They married and had Piper quickly, only for her husband to die in a test run of a new hovercraft they had designed. Her and Finn will occasionally bond over the fact that their dads are both dead and neither of them have even met them.

I came next, a surprise to my mother. She told me that she thought she was sterile, that when she went into the games her first time the stylists implanted something to stop her from menstruating and had no idea that it was reversed as soon as she and my father won. Three years later, my brother Terrin was born, he’s now fourteen, the youngest of us all by a two year gap, so he’s never really invited nor is he interested in going out to the Capitol with us.

When we were young, our parents couldn't really explain to us how they all knew each other. How could they? We would never understand that they knew each other because there was a Hunger Games every year for 75 years, and our parents had gone through it, and been a part of a revolution to put an end to their former regime, so they just told us we were family, and family we are.

That is why is so incredibly weird to see what I just saw. I have a million questions. How long has this been going on? Do uncle Gale and aunt Johanna know about it? How could Piper even THINK about seeing Burch like that? I shudder and then do my best to shake the feeling, dozing off, doing my best to try and sober up before I have to deal with my parents.

I’m woken by a sudden halt of the train, early morning miners quickly rushing out onto the platform to start the day. I get up, rubbing my eyes and smearing off mascara that Piper loaned me and check the clock to see that it’s 3:45 am. I find my father’s car and start it, driving painfully slow home, as I know what’s coming up if not tonight then first thing in the morning.

On my way home, I notice that the street signs are passing quicker than they should for the speed I’m going. That I seemed to not have gone through any intersections or stoplights, and as soon as I start to realize that I may not be as sober as I thought I would be, my headlights meet a tree trunk, my head hits the steering wheel, and then everything goes blank.

[jumpingbean345]

Roman Holiday

Fandom: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic Rating: T Characters: Andrew Minyard/ Neil Josten

Also posted on AO3

Summary: 3 Parts: Neil wants to go somewhere far but Andrew knows better, Neil runs and Andrew finds him, Andrew is leaving and Neil will be alone.

He knew what they were doing. Neil knew that he wasn’t always the most mindful person but his teammates were being painfully obvious about the fact that they were trying to be quiet. That they were trying to surprise him.

And it would have worked too.

If only, Nicky could have stopped giggling in nervous anticipation. If Aaron would have made an actual attempt to hide, Neil could see his silhouette peeking out from behind the corner and the tips of his white tennis shoes impatiently tapping against the hardwood floors. And the occasional loud clink of glass bottles hitting against each other didn’t help either. Neither did Dan, shushing them, trying to keep them all together.

In their attempt at secrecy, they hadn’t heard him come in. He was quiet, unlike them. It was just one of those things he picked up over the years, when being loud at the wrong time could end in pain, or even worse death. That skill usually wasn’t need so much here, but it did come in handy at times.

He was breaking his side of the bargain. The deal was that every year they, the Foxes, would pretend that January 19th was just an average day and held no particular meaning. And it didn’t, not for Neil Josten anyway. In exchange for his participation in birthday celebrations on March 31st instead.

And he participated. When he, or Neil, turned twenty-one and when he turned twenty-two. But this year, for twenty-three, he wanted no part in it.He didn’t want smiles and laughter and cake and alcohol today. He couldn’t stomach it. Today he wanted silence and solitude. He wanted the smell of smoke on the air, on his clothes, in his chest.

His feet ached, with urges he thought he long since gotten rid of. But he willed them to stay put. He reminded his self to breathe. If Andrew were here, he would have told him to breathe, because for a brief second, he seemed to have forgotten.

What, exactly, was wrong with him was hard to figure out. March 31st was a date that held no meaning. It wasn’t the day Neil Josten was born because Neil Josten isn’t real, he doesn’t exist. He is only a name. But if he isn’t him, then who the hell is he?

Nathaniel was the answer and it always would be. No matter how much he tried to avoid it. Something things are unavoidable. They simply exist. They just are.

He didn’t feel like him anymore. He didn’t feel like the butcher’s son. He didn’t feel like Mary Hartford’s son. Today he hardly felt like Neil Josten.

The problem was he didn’t feel like anyone’s anything.

If a person doesn’t belong to anyone or anything, do they even exist? Are they even there? It’s like the tree scenario. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Logically, Neil thinks it does, because sound is not dependent on whether someone hears it, or not. Sound is an entity of its own, it requires no one, to exist. Is it the same for people, if a person exists in the world and no one is around to see them, to know them, are they even alive? Is Neil sound? Does he want to be? Does he have to be?

Answers evaded him, as he eased the door back open, stepping into the night that carried a chill on the air, promising an unusual snowfall for March.

He didn’t know where he was going really. The only place he could think of was away, when a hand reached out and gripped the upper part of his arm in a firm hold.

“Headed somewhere?” Andrew’s voice was rough, stained with nicotine. Neil had just enough light to see where the half-smoked cigarette burned between his pale fingertips while he waited.

Neil shook his head, but didn’t offer anything else as he studied his shoes. Confused. Where was he going? What was he doing?

The smaller man studied him, silently as smoke wafted and curled up between them. Andrew looked down for a second and said, “Those aren’t your running shoes, Josten.”

“I wasn’t running,” Neil breathed out, his voice hoarse as well but for a completely different reason. Andrew, Neil realized, was the first person he’d talked to the entire day.

Andrew said nothing, he didn’t have to. His eyes though, his heavy gaze, was always adept at finding truth in lies. He dropped the remainder of the cigarette on the ground and used the tip of his shoes to turn it into ash before looking back up at Neil. Waiting.

“Let’s go somewhere,” Neil blurted quick, in a rush of breath and anxiety. “Far,” he finished.

“We have a game tomorrow,” Andrew reminded him, “Did you forget about your precious Exy?” His voice was distant, unconcerned. It was up to Neil. If they would disappear tonight, go to somewhere far, and miss the next game. The foxes would fail with both of them missing. Andrew still like to pretend he didn’t care about that, it was unofficially Neil’s job to care about those things.

Neil laughed lamely, tinged in slight desperation as he looked out at the car passing.

Andrew grasped Neil’s chin in his hand, forcing his attention back to him. Neil stared at him, Andrew stared back. Blue eyes against hazel, searching for something. An answer? A clue? Neil didn’t have any of those. Whatever he was looking for, he found it. Satisfied, Andrew let him go and turned on his heel, heading toward the parking lot.

Wordlessly, Neil followed him inside the Maserati and watched in silence at the street lights that flickered pass as if they were going faster than they were. Neither of them spoke a single word, as they drove up to a short, iron wrought gate. Andrew turned off the car and eased out of it, knowing that wherever he went, Neil would follow.

They stepped over the gate into the dimly lit section that housed the city park’s pool. They’d been here a few times before, on a late night, much like this one. Andrew brought him, when Neil mentioned in passing, that he liked the water but would prefer not to swim at a public beach for obvious reasons. “Too many people watching,” he said, back then. Andrew didn’t respond, never acknowledged that he’d spoken. Neil was just talking, anyway.

But Andrew had heard and he took him to the city pool, after hours. It was usually, hopefully clean. Where Neil would swim and Andrew would watch or smoke. But he never swam. Once, Neil managed to get him to put his feet in the water. But when Neil tried to get him to get in, a flash of panic that was so terrible and quick broke through Andrew’s clam demeanor, that Neil never bothered him about it again.

Today, he didn’t swim.

They were both content to watch the water ripple on the wind and headlights reflect every so often as a car passed by. The silence only broken by the quiet hum of the pool’s filter.

After some time, Neil didn’t know when it happened exactly, but his heartbeat slowed in his chest and his breath eased out in small clouds that mingled with Andrew’s as they stared out at nothing.

Neil leaned his head in the warm space between Andrew’s neck and his shoulders. This was okay with them now, needing no prior consent and the smaller man didn’t even flinch, only eased his arm from between them so he could wrap it around Neil’s middle, pulling him closer.

It was nearly morning, when they spoke again. Neither of them wanting to ruin their escape, but they couldn’t stay there forever. They had responsibilities that they couldn’t run from: practices to make, classes to attend, apologies to give.

“I would ask if you’re okay now, but I don’t want to give you the opportunity to lie.” Andrew said, moving his arm so that he could reach the pack of cigarettes in the pocket of his dark jeans.

Neil felt his face crack and creak with the tiny beginnings of a smile, “I’m,” Neil said and Andrew paused, cigarette between his fingers, the small orange glow nearly the same color as the sun that was starting to rise over the horizon, “better,” he finished and Andrew nodded, placated.

He passed the cigarette to Neil and he took it and watched it burn for a few seconds. Then, he pulled it between his lips and inhaled until he could feel the smoke take up residence in chest. Filled him. Held him. Until next time.

****

Neil clumsily pulled the laces on his shoes as taunt as he could. They were entirely too tight, too restricting. But the pain was welcome. More welcome than the other feelings that bubbled in his chest and curled in his stomach, that threatened to make themselves known.

The door slammed behind him in his haste to leave. Escape. Run.

As the soles of his shoes slapped against the slick pavement, Neil hardly paid any attention to it. He just ran. Ran toward the newly risen sun, eyes wide open until his eyes watered with the sting that came from staring at the light.

His vision blurred, his heart pounded, his feet hurt, but he kept running. Not looking back. Only forward.

The sound of the city waking up was all around him. The sound of another person running next to him, almost behind him. Silent.

Neil looked down, seeing the familiar pair of dark shoes with a black check on the side that was starting to peel off. But Andrew wouldn’t get rid of them. Neil understood. They were familiar. Comforting. Soon though, they wouldn’t serve their purpose.

He didn’t look back at him.

“I didn’t need you to come find me,” his voice was harsh. Tight.

“Didn’t you tell me you were going to stop running from everything.” Andrew shot back.

And Neil had told him that. And he did stop, for a while.

“You know better than anyone how some things just creep up on you, whether you want to remember them or not.”

Neil didn’t mean to bring up the nightmares that Andrew still had, that woke them both up in the middle of the night. And Andrew, covered in sweat, panting would crawl out of the bed they shared, and Neil couldn’t touch him or talk to him, or even look at him because he couldn’t stand it.

He didn’t mean to bring that up.

Neil stopped running. And so did Andrew.

There they stood, in the middle of the sidewalk in a nearly deserted part of campus, so early. Rain began to drizzle, a fine mist rising and coating their skin damp and sticky.

Andrew said nothing. He wasn’t angry, Neil could see that and he sighed. In relief or disappointment.

Sometimes, Andrew could deal with Neil better than Neil could with him. Only sometimes though.

With, not-apology in his eyes, Neil stepped closer to the blonde hair man, who stared beyond him, at something or nothing that was in the distance.

“Don’t say you’re sorry. You said what you meant. Don’t take it back.” Andrew said, his voice cool and unconcerned.

“I wasn’t going to,” he moved closer, bringing Andrew’s curious eyes to him, “but I shouldn’t have said it.” Neil lifted his hand between them, cautiously waiting.

Andrew glanced down at it. For a second, two seconds. Then grasped it in his own.

Rough, calloused palms met, both still slightly damp with rain and sweat, held tight. They held on for a minute. Or an eternity. Neither of them paid much attention.

Andrew gave his hand a brief squeeze, then let go and stepped away.

“Are you going to finish?” The run, he meant.

Neil shook his head. “No,” he took in a deep breath and let it out, much calmer than he’d been before. “Let’s go somewhere.”

Andrew turned, headed back to the tower. “Far?” he asked over his shoulder as Neil trailed behind him.

Neil was quiet as he looked over his head, at the place where they both lived, his friends live, his family, where he belonged.

“No, not far.”

****

Andrew was leaving. They only had one week left. He would be coming back, Neil knew. But that wasn’t important. He was leaving.

It was only eleven hours away, Andrew said. Driving would be too long for a weekend trip, unless they met somewhere in between. Planes tickets would be doable but it was the matter of hoping on a plane to a different state, when they would both be free. Andrew would be busy navigating being on a new team, with new people. Neil would be busy being captain of the remaining foxes.

They would both be busy.

Would they drift apart like some people did when the distance was too great? It seemed impossible now, with Andrew so close, only a console separating them as he sped down the freeway, on the last trip they would be taking together for a while.

“Junkie,” Andrew called him, without turning his head away from the road and stuck his finger into Neil’s cheek forcing his head in the opposite direction. “Stop staring at me.”

As soon as he moved his finger, Neil turned back to him, “Yes or no,” he said in the suddenly. The words escaped his lips before his brain had time to process them.

“I’m driving,” he said and slid an impassive look his way.

“Then stop,” Neil curled his fingers into the cushion of the console and wished it weren’t there in his sudden desperation to be closer to Andrew.

He took the next exit without question or comment and drove them the few miles to the nearest gas station in tense, anticipatory silence. Shifting the car into park, toward the back, in a semi-dark corner, Andrew stopped and they both waited.

“Yes,” Andrew said.

And as they kissed and kissed, the only thing Neil could think of is that they were entirely too far away. He pulled back and gazed at the other man, who’s heavy lidded gaze matched his own in need, want.

Neil moved over the cursed console and climbed into the backseat. Easing himself on his back, he waited. Andrew followed seconds later and positioned himself between Neil’s jean cladded thighs, looking down at him, with a hand on his chest to keep that inch of space between them.

“Kiss me,” Neil said, demanded really, but Andrew ignored him, his mind elsewhere, lost in thought. “Andrew,” Neil gripped his head, stands of blonde silk sliding through his fingers. Their eyes met in the dark, their bodies casting shadows from the glow of lights from the gas station.

Andrew moved his hand from Neil’s chest and laid flush against him. The weight of his Andrew’s body pressed against his own.

Then the weight of his lips pressed against Neil’s jaw. Then his neck, his ear.

Neil pulled his arm around Andrew’s neck to pull his lips to his own, leaning so deep into each other, that an onlooker would hardly be able to tell where one ended and the other began. Although he still had the courtesy to hope that no one was watching.

He kept his hands where they were. Firm around Andrew’s neck, he would have specified if they could roam beforehand. Andrew’s hands, however, were everywhere. Sliding up his arm, fingers trailing under his shirt, teasing at the waistband of his boxers. Each touch sent a tendril of heat, curling down his stomach. Then lower.

When Andrew suddenly sat up, Neil groaned low in his throat with the distance. With his head many inches away from the roof of the car, Andrew leaned back on his haunches and tugged at Neil’s pants, their breathing loud in the car. Neil lifted his hips and they slid off, taking his underwear with them.

Andrew wasted no time and stroked him, hard and fast. The way Neil wanted, the way he was desperate for it. He could hardly think. He could scarcely breathe. It felt so good. He grabbed Andrew’s shirt to pulled him closer, he complied, leaving space for his hand between them, not for distance this time.

Neil pressed open mouthed kisses against Andrew’s neck in-between intakes of gasping breathes. Andrew shivered against him each time he did it.

“You too,” Neil asked. He wanted this, but he wanted it with him.

Andrew used his free hand to ease down the top of his own black jeans and black boxers. Letting go of Neil, he brought them together and laid on top of him. Neil wrapped his legs around Andrew’s waist as they moved together in a simulated push and pull.

The windows were fogged and Neil was moaning, low and throaty. He was close.

Andrew’s breath hitched as he lowered his hand down and rubbed them both, together. Once, twice, three times.

Later, as they still laid on the backseat of the car. Sticky and exhausted, with Andrew’s cheek against Neil’s own, he said, “It’s only eleven hours away,” he reminded Neil. He reminded himself.

“I know,” Neil said and Andrew turned to look at him.

There weren’t tears in Andrew’s eyes. Neil knew that with utmost certainty. But the way the moonlight reflected off the window gave Andrew’s hazel eyes a glisten, a sheen, that he’d never seen before.

It was strange, he noted. But as he stared back at the man he had come to know, the man he would miss, he wondered if his own eyes held the same.