#some days it feels like a wrecking ball is swinging through my ribcage. ( BUM. )

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@hate-letmetellyou // liked for a starter ! ... I chose Bum, let me know if you'd like someone else !

Bum hates that he’s been at Sangwoo’s mercy all this time. It means he has literally no say in where the other man takes him, and … right now, it means he has no real idea exactly where he is. The two were on a plane for a while, then in a car, then they stopped at a hotel. When Bum woke up this morning, Sangwoo was gone. No note. No call from the front desk with a message. Sangwoo took Bum’s phone a while ago “ so you don’t get yourself into any trouble, huh ? ”, so he can’t even text or call his captor.

The room wasn’t locked. Even as Bum went about his morning routine, Sangwoo never showed up. So at some point, Bum remembers he simply left his room key on the nightstand, grabbed his single bag of luggage, and just … STARTED RUNNING. Eventually he slowed down, and now, he doesn’t know where he is. He has no clue what country or city this is or where Sangwoo has taken him or what might have happened if the other man came back while he was trying to leave.

All he knows is that he ran and walked for a long time, and that now, he’s exhausted. He’s not in the best shape in the first place, underweight and sickly with multiple mental health issues, so it’s really no surprise that he finally collapses against the side of a building. His legs practically give out, shaking beneath him, but a single string of thoughts keep his mind from exiting panic mode : Sangwoo’s probably looking for you. He might be right behind you, for all you know. Do you really want him to find you ?

So he raises a hand and beats weakly on what he thinks is this building’s door. He thinks he’s panting loud enough for anyone on the inside to hear ; he decides to attempt speaking anyway. “ Is … is anyone in there ? H-help me … please … please, I-I need help … PLEASE … ”

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Oh, there’s a little cupcake sitting on the table in front of him, with a single candle burning on top.

“ Happy birthday to me … happy birthday to me … ”

… How old is he, again ??

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@goresugars​   //   starter from Bum !

          It’s late, too late for anyone to really be outside.   And yet, just like so many other situations, Yoon Bum is somewhere he shouldn’t be.

          At least it’s not fully his fault this time.   He’s on a very short leash, with Sangwoo in the car which is idling about 150 meters away, in the parking area for the apartment buildings.   Sangwoo was kind enough to drive him over here, under the guise of, ‘   Hey, you know what ?   There’s probably some stuff you miss from your place, right ?   Let’s go get it.   Maybe it’ll make you less moody than you’ve been lately.   ’

          Of course, 2 or 3 in the morning  is obviously the best time to do that ... this way it’s dark.   No one will see the BRUISES littering Bum’s body.   And if no one sees them, no one will be worried.   Not that anyone has ever been worried about him before anyway.

          He’s almost surprised he still has his apartment key.   His hands shake as he approaches the main area, and he sneaks a glance toward the car.   Sangwoo looks nonchalant as ever, not paying much attention, focused on his phone.   The car window is rolled down just enough to let some cigarette smoke out.

          Regardless, Bum knows what he was told.   If he isn’t back in ten minutes with whatever he wants from his old apartment, he’ll pay for it once they get back to Sangwoo’s house.   So he only pauses when he suddenly hears ... music ?   It’s beautiful, and quiet enough that Sangwoo probably can’t hear it, but Bum can.

          He immediately snaps his head up in fear, conditioned by his entire life to expect the worst, searching for the source of the sound.   It’s ... a man standing on the roof ?   With a violin ?!   What in the world ... nobody is out here except Bum and Sangwoo, so there’s nobody else around to see this guy, and Sangwoo isn’t really paying attention.

          Bum has never seen anything like this.   He wants to ask if this man is OKAY ... if he speaks loud enough to be heard, though, shouting up to the roof, Sangwoo will definitely hear that.   So instead he stands for a minute in front of the main doors, just staring, unsure what to make of this.

          ... He does let out a little squeak, however, briefly dropping his key and hurrying to pick it back up.   He should probably go in now.   He’s losing valuable time to get inside and get his things ...

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Is he … dancing around while the radio plays “Cut to the Feeling” by Carly Rae Jepsen ??

Huh. Looks like someone’s having a good day.

He just had his two-year appointment with Dr. Lee yesterday, and he’s been thinking about how far he’s come in that time. It hasn’t been EASY, and his journey isn’t over, but … the life he has ahead of him suddenly looks a lot better than it did before he started seeing her.

100 points for therapy !!

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Anonymous said : How are you feeling, Bum?

//   BUM.

          “   Oh, uhm ... me ?   How am I ... um ... I-I guess ... I guess I’m feeling OKAY ...?   ”

          He pauses for a moment to assess his emotions, doing his best to practice being mindful instead of just saying what seems easy.

          He’s ... okay.   “   ... Yeah.   Okay.   I’m ... I’m okay.   ”

          And he’ll take okay over MISERABLE.

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Anonymous said : What are you wanting for your birthday Bum?

//   BUM.

          “   Oh, uh, wow ... it’s ... it’s in like two weeks now, isn’t it ?   Um ...   ”

          “   I-is ... does HAPPINESS count ??   Haha ...   ”

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          “   H ... huh, it’s my birthday in a month and a half ... wow.   H-how old will I be again ?   Um ... thirty-two ... well ... t-technically, legally, thirty-one ...   ”

          Oof.   It doesn’t feel real.   Most people mistake him for still being in high school, and now he’s turning thirty-one ??

          He’d say he needs a drink thinking about that, but honestly he’d rather just have some yakgwa ...

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Anonymous said : So Bum, BTS or nah?

/   BUM.

          “   Oh ... oh, definitely a yes, f-for sure !!   BTS are so awesome ...   ‘   Dynamite   ’ is s-so catchy, and ... aaah, I w-wish I was as cool as SUGA !   But they’re ... they’re all amazing.   ”

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@goresugars (moving post for beta editor)

TERRIBLE THINGS.

Just the implication of something bad happening to Sangwoo was enough to send a chill up Bum’s spine. For all that he’d tortured Bum, and all the ‘ terrible things ’ he himself had done … still, something in Bum wanted to stay. He didn’t know love or affection in any other form.

What would happen if Sangwoo wasn’t around to love Bum to death ? No one else would love him at all.

“ B-but … but … he … ” There wasn’t much else Bum could say. This whole thing had to be a dream, right ? His hand with the key still shook, but his feet seemed to move on their own. Then that hand moved on its own, putting the key into the lock.

His place was a mess. Clothes and trash where they didn’t belong, and the few sentimental things he owned in very specific places that, while easily accessible, were probably not where any mentally well person would choose to put them. Bum hadn’t been back to his own apartment in so long since Sangwoo caged him, he’d almost forgotten what it looked like.

He quickly looked back to the other man as if making sure he was still there. “ U-um … I can … I can make some tea …? ”

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@goresugars said : "Hey! Happy birthday!" Akihiro is here offering him a few large presents. / BUM.

Almost immediately, Bum’s face flushes. CLEARLY, he’s never had someone give him gifts like this before.

“ O-oh … you didn’t have to do that … um … ” He looks at the presents, not quite sure where to start. “ … Which one should I o-open first …? ”

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Anonymous said : *hands Bum a Blackpink CD* Happy Valentine's Day to a very sweet man.

//   BUM.

          “   O ... oh !   God, I’m not really ... I-I mean ... I just, um ... th ... thank you.   H-happy Valentine’s Day ... I, I wish I had something f-for YOU !!   ”

          Oof, it’s his birthday all over again.   Of course, that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to thoroughly enjoy this gift.   BLACKPINK are his favorite girl group, so he’s going to proceed to go lie on his bed and zone out to the music for a few hours !

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Anonymous said : *hands Bum whatever gift he's wanting* Happy birthday Bum!

//   BUM.

          Honestly, what does he even want ...?   Aside from the nebulous ‘   to be happy   ’.

          Still, he’s visibly surprised to get a gift at all ; it’s pretty clear he didn’t expect anyone to remember his birthday.

          “   O-oh, wow ... A MAGAZINE ABOUT BLACKPINK ??   Th ... this is really cool !   Um ... I ... I didn’t think anyone would ... r-remember my birthday ... hah ... th ... thank you.   ”

          He’s going to read it, but he’s going to read it very gently so he doesn’t wrinkle the pages !

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          “   O-oh ... oh, wow, it’s ... almost 4 P.M. ??   I ... I slept all day ... I h-haven’t even BEEN OUT OF BED yet ...   ”

          Well ... no one can blame him, right ?   He’s ... struggling, lately.

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          “   O-oh, me ?   Well, um ... bibimbap is ... I mean, that always m-makes a person feel good, you know ?   I usually like, um, kimchi and gojuchang in mine ... a-and a raw egg mixed in.   Tteokbokki and yakgwa are good, too, for ... for something A LITTLE LESS HEALTHY, haha.   I-I can’t really help it, I like sweet things ... there’s a really good yakgwa shop o-on the corner.   ”

          “   And ... when I have a cold or something ... um ... baesuk is good.   Y-you can sometimes find it bottled in supermarkets ... but ... but it’s b-best homemade.   It’s a little sweet and a little spicy a-and it just ... it just ... feels like a HUG, but on the inside.   ”

Well.   Not that he ever had it homemade but once until he came to live with the Chos.

wall of text ❤️

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@blackstardiopside​ said : “Hey, you okay?  You don’t look so good.” (For Bum!)   /   BUM.

          “   H ... huh ?   ”

   He’s wound incredibly tightly, like a spring ready to snap, and his eyes are wide when he looks over at her.   Well, there’s no way he’s going to spill his entire GARBAGE DUMPSTER OF TRAUMA into the lap of a complete stranger for them to deal with, so he supposes he should just boil it down to the simplest explanation.

          “   I’m ... I’m fine.   I just ... T-TIRED and ... didn’t ... didn’t sleep well ...   ”

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Anonymous said : A birthday cake and a froggy coat and hat for Bum!   /   BUM.

          “   O-oh, wow, ALL THIS for me ??   I already have a frog raincoat, but ... I don’t think I could ever have enough frog stuff, haha.   And the hat’s so cute ... and ... y-you really, um, you didn’t have to get me a cake ...   ”

          “   ... Thank you, though.   Just having someone REMEMBER makes it a good birthday !   ”