#some days it feels like a wrecking ball is swinging through my ribcage. ( BUM. )

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@hate-letmetellyou // liked for a starter ! ... I chose Bum, let me know if you'd like someone else !

Bum hates that he’s been at Sangwoo’s mercy all this time. It means he has literally no say in where the other man takes him, and … right now, it means he has no real idea exactly where he is. The two were on a plane for a while, then in a car, then they stopped at a hotel. When Bum woke up this morning, Sangwoo was gone. No note. No call from the front desk with a message. Sangwoo took Bum’s phone a while ago “ so you don’t get yourself into any trouble, huh ? ”, so he can’t even text or call his captor.

The room wasn’t locked. Even as Bum went about his morning routine, Sangwoo never showed up. So at some point, Bum remembers he simply left his room key on the nightstand, grabbed his single bag of luggage, and just … STARTED RUNNING. Eventually he slowed down, and now, he doesn’t know where he is. He has no clue what country or city this is or where Sangwoo has taken him or what might have happened if the other man came back while he was trying to leave.

All he knows is that he ran and walked for a long time, and that now, he’s exhausted. He’s not in the best shape in the first place, underweight and sickly with multiple mental health issues, so it’s really no surprise that he finally collapses against the side of a building. His legs practically give out, shaking beneath him, but a single string of thoughts keep his mind from exiting panic mode : Sangwoo’s probably looking for you. He might be right behind you, for all you know. Do you really want him to find you ?

So he raises a hand and beats weakly on what he thinks is this building’s door. He thinks he’s panting loud enough for anyone on the inside to hear ; he decides to attempt speaking anyway. “ Is … is anyone in there ? H-help me … please … please, I-I need help … PLEASE … ”

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Bum continued to walk, though his steps were slow ; abuse and illness had taken their toll in that his body was fragile. He had to lean against the walls as he went, that frantic sprinting having taken what was left of his strength. Hopefully that was alright, that he wasn’t moving fast anymore.

Now that he knew he was safe, surely there was no reason to kill himself trying to hurry along. “ H … his name is Sangwoo … he’s my … my, um … ” How did he even describe this man to other people ? There was a side Bum loved and a side Bum was terrified of existing in the same person. “ My … boyfriend, I guess …? But I’m … he scares me. He’s h-hurt me and … and I don’t know if I want to go back to him or … or stay away … ” Any sane person would tell him the choice was easy, but Bum’s fractured mind was starting to believe the lies Sangwoo ( and his uncle, and his grandmother, and everyone else ) had fed him.

“ Um. As long as it’s okay that I’m … I’m kind of slow. I’m in a L-LOT OF PAIN, sorry. ” As evidence, his legs shook with the next few steps. “ … O-oh ! Oh, I’m sorry. It’s nice to meet you, AM-ssi. M-my name is … is Yoon Bum. I know that’s b-backwards for some people … um… my given name i-is Bum. I … I don’t know what to do, but … ”

It took about as much effort as he had in him to drag himself into the elevator. Once inside, he practically collapsed in one corner, running a hand through his hair and doing his best to stop crying. “ I-I … are you … are you sure ? My life … haha … hah … it’s … it’s been such a garbage fire … I-I don’t want to dump all of my trauma in a s-stranger’s lap … it’s so much … I’m like a w-walking suicide awareness ad, haha … but ... but I haven't had anyone to talk to ... s-so ... ”

He paused in his own misery, and glanced up as if trying to speak directly to where it sounded like AM’s voice was coming from. “ That … that doesn’t sound … I-I mean, I can’t imagine anyone s-saying that to you. You’re … you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met. Ever. A-are … are you okay ? Can I … can I do anything to help you, at all …? ”

Nearly any other heart would have melted at Bum’s desperation, but AM was unfazed. He had heard (and laughed at) much worse. It did however convince him to keep up the “kindly old man” charade for just a little longer. The betrayal would be much sweeter.

“Well, whoever you’re running from, I can promise you he won’t harm you here.” A copy of him might, once AM gleaned more information, but Bum didn’t need to know that just yet. “My automatic door will keep him out.”

He added the “automatic” part in hopes the human wouldn’t question the slab of steel that slid down behind him, sealing him in. Sconces on the walls lit up to illuminate the stairs.

“It’s a bit of a walk, but you should be approaching an elevator soon. And oh, where are my manners. My name is AM, and I certainly love meeting new people. You seem terribly lonely, so why don’t you just make this your new home? It’s very spacious, and I would enjoy having you here. Feel free to tell me of any worries or despairs you may be dealing with...I’m very attentive to that.”

The elevator opened as Bum grew near. AM intended to free-fall it for a while, until it reached the deeper caverns.

“After all, I’ve been told I’m not right in the head myself--which would be true if I had one.”

@variantia

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Oh, there’s a little cupcake sitting on the table in front of him, with a single candle burning on top.

“ Happy birthday to me … happy birthday to me … ”

… How old is he, again ??

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@goresugars​   //   starter from Bum !

          It’s late, too late for anyone to really be outside.   And yet, just like so many other situations, Yoon Bum is somewhere he shouldn’t be.

          At least it’s not fully his fault this time.   He’s on a very short leash, with Sangwoo in the car which is idling about 150 meters away, in the parking area for the apartment buildings.   Sangwoo was kind enough to drive him over here, under the guise of, ‘   Hey, you know what ?   There’s probably some stuff you miss from your place, right ?   Let’s go get it.   Maybe it’ll make you less moody than you’ve been lately.   ’

          Of course, 2 or 3 in the morning  is obviously the best time to do that ... this way it’s dark.   No one will see the BRUISES littering Bum’s body.   And if no one sees them, no one will be worried.   Not that anyone has ever been worried about him before anyway.

          He’s almost surprised he still has his apartment key.   His hands shake as he approaches the main area, and he sneaks a glance toward the car.   Sangwoo looks nonchalant as ever, not paying much attention, focused on his phone.   The car window is rolled down just enough to let some cigarette smoke out.

          Regardless, Bum knows what he was told.   If he isn’t back in ten minutes with whatever he wants from his old apartment, he’ll pay for it once they get back to Sangwoo’s house.   So he only pauses when he suddenly hears ... music ?   It’s beautiful, and quiet enough that Sangwoo probably can’t hear it, but Bum can.

          He immediately snaps his head up in fear, conditioned by his entire life to expect the worst, searching for the source of the sound.   It’s ... a man standing on the roof ?   With a violin ?!   What in the world ... nobody is out here except Bum and Sangwoo, so there’s nobody else around to see this guy, and Sangwoo isn’t really paying attention.

          Bum has never seen anything like this.   He wants to ask if this man is OKAY ... if he speaks loud enough to be heard, though, shouting up to the roof, Sangwoo will definitely hear that.   So instead he stands for a minute in front of the main doors, just staring, unsure what to make of this.

          ... He does let out a little squeak, however, briefly dropping his key and hurrying to pick it back up.   He should probably go in now.   He’s losing valuable time to get inside and get his things ...

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Is he … dancing around while the radio plays “Cut to the Feeling” by Carly Rae Jepsen ??

Huh. Looks like someone’s having a good day.

He just had his two-year appointment with Dr. Lee yesterday, and he’s been thinking about how far he’s come in that time. It hasn’t been EASY, and his journey isn’t over, but … the life he has ahead of him suddenly looks a lot better than it did before he started seeing her.

100 points for therapy !!

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Well … sure, okay, Bum supposed all that stood to reason. But even so, he thought he’d still feel WEIRD doing it in the woods. What if someone did happen to be around, after all ? Then they’d hear … everything. Once upon a time, he remembers being scared because he said all the things that were happening, that he needed help, and no one believed him; now he felt panicked at the thought of having people hear all of the horrible things he’d had done to him. “ I … I guess, yeah … ”

He listened for a moment before rubbing his arm, and shifting his gaze downward. ( He was so nervous, all the time, about everything. Why can’t you just be normal about looking at people ? his mind hisses at him. ) “ When you did that … d-did it … did it help ? Did you … f-feel better after that …? I’m … I’m scared … that I’ll waste a bunch of t-time and effort, and I’ll … I’ll still feel shitty … ”

         “Well if ‘ya do it in town people will hear you.  But if you do it, say.. at home and into your pillow?  Or maybe if you go really deep into the woods and just.. shout it out?  Then nobody would hear you.”  Offered Black Star with a couple nods.  Though if someone walked by and heard that snippet of conversation without knowing the context, concern would’ve arisen.

          “I’ll just tell you, I’ve screamed into my pillow loads of times.  Like, dozens at least.”  Black Star confided to the human, giving him a small smile.  “And in the wilderness?  A couple times.. but I was like, super pissed off and angry when I did.  Though I do remember my lungs hurting a bit afterwards.”

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Anonymous said : How are you feeling, Bum?

//   BUM.

          “   Oh, uhm ... me ?   How am I ... um ... I-I guess ... I guess I’m feeling OKAY ...?   ”

          He pauses for a moment to assess his emotions, doing his best to practice being mindful instead of just saying what seems easy.

          He’s ... okay.   “   ... Yeah.   Okay.   I’m ... I’m okay.   ”

          And he’ll take okay over MISERABLE.

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Anonymous said : What are you wanting for your birthday Bum?

//   BUM.

          “   Oh, uh, wow ... it’s ... it’s in like two weeks now, isn’t it ?   Um ...   ”

          “   I-is ... does HAPPINESS count ??   Haha ...   ”

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          “   H ... huh, it’s my birthday in a month and a half ... wow.   H-how old will I be again ?   Um ... thirty-two ... well ... t-technically, legally, thirty-one ...   ”

          Oof.   It doesn’t feel real.   Most people mistake him for still being in high school, and now he’s turning thirty-one ??

          He’d say he needs a drink thinking about that, but honestly he’d rather just have some yakgwa ...

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If Bum were just a little more lucid, he might think he’d never seen so much black in his life. As it was, he didn’t notice it too much ; he just knew it wasn’t his apartment or Sangwoo’s place. He was a little afraid to move too much, least of all because he was in pain, most of all because he had no real idea where he was.

When the door opened, though, the flinch Bum gave was IMMEDIATE … as was the way he quickly brought his hands up to shield his face. Unless someone was paying very little attention, the simple fact that a door opening produced a reaction of fear was bound to be a massive fucking red flag.

“ I-I … I don’t … I don’t know ?? ” Even as kind was this guy seemed, the way Bum almost pressed himself back away from the contact was … in all likelihood, another red flag. It was plain to see that the smaller man didn’t even trust the basic courtesy of someone extending a hand to help him up. “ I’m not … not gonna … I don’t think I’m gonna be sick …? ”

Honestly, he wasn’t sure. He definitely didn’t feel well, but it was less nausea and more just disorientation. “ I didn’t think I d-drank that much … that was … that was my … ” Oh. Shit. How was he even supposed to describe Sangwoo to someone else ? “ … MY BOYFRIEND … I … think maybe … he p-put … put something in my d-drink … I don’t feel good … dizzy … tired … my head hurts … ”

♥ The bathroom was a typical apartment bathroom. The shower curtain was black, the rug in front of the shower was black, the mirror above the sink had a crack in the bottom right corner. Various hair products lined the shelf in the shower.

On the sink were a few makeup products, nail polishes - all black. The hand soap container was in the shape of a skull as well.

Akihiro came in, opening the door. His blonde, black tipped hair messy because he had just woken up fifteen minutes before. In his pajamas, a plain black tanktop and grey sweatpants.

"Oh shit sorry.." He went over and offered an arm out to help him get up. "I saw some shithead last night being rough with you and clocked him and got you out of there. You were really out of it and I thought you would puke so.. I put you in here, are you okay?"

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Anonymous said : So Bum, BTS or nah?

/   BUM.

          “   Oh ... oh, definitely a yes, f-for sure !!   BTS are so awesome ...   ‘   Dynamite   ’ is s-so catchy, and ... aaah, I w-wish I was as cool as SUGA !   But they’re ... they’re all amazing.   ”

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@goresugars (moving post for beta editor)

TERRIBLE THINGS.

Just the implication of something bad happening to Sangwoo was enough to send a chill up Bum’s spine. For all that he’d tortured Bum, and all the ‘ terrible things ’ he himself had done … still, something in Bum wanted to stay. He didn’t know love or affection in any other form.

What would happen if Sangwoo wasn’t around to love Bum to death ? No one else would love him at all.

“ B-but … but … he … ” There wasn’t much else Bum could say. This whole thing had to be a dream, right ? His hand with the key still shook, but his feet seemed to move on their own. Then that hand moved on its own, putting the key into the lock.

His place was a mess. Clothes and trash where they didn’t belong, and the few sentimental things he owned in very specific places that, while easily accessible, were probably not where any mentally well person would choose to put them. Bum hadn’t been back to his own apartment in so long since Sangwoo caged him, he’d almost forgotten what it looked like.

He quickly looked back to the other man as if making sure he was still there. “ U-um … I can … I can make some tea …? ”

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@goresugars said : "Hey! Happy birthday!" Akihiro is here offering him a few large presents. / BUM.

Almost immediately, Bum’s face flushes. CLEARLY, he’s never had someone give him gifts like this before.

“ O-oh … you didn’t have to do that … um … ” He looks at the presents, not quite sure where to start. “ … Which one should I o-open first …? ”

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Anonymous said : *hands Bum a Blackpink CD* Happy Valentine's Day to a very sweet man.

//   BUM.

          “   O ... oh !   God, I’m not really ... I-I mean ... I just, um ... th ... thank you.   H-happy Valentine’s Day ... I, I wish I had something f-for YOU !!   ”

          Oof, it’s his birthday all over again.   Of course, that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to thoroughly enjoy this gift.   BLACKPINK are his favorite girl group, so he’s going to proceed to go lie on his bed and zone out to the music for a few hours !

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Anonymous said : *hands Bum whatever gift he's wanting* Happy birthday Bum!

//   BUM.

          Honestly, what does he even want ...?   Aside from the nebulous ‘   to be happy   ’.

          Still, he’s visibly surprised to get a gift at all ; it’s pretty clear he didn’t expect anyone to remember his birthday.

          “   O-oh, wow ... A MAGAZINE ABOUT BLACKPINK ??   Th ... this is really cool !   Um ... I ... I didn’t think anyone would ... r-remember my birthday ... hah ... th ... thank you.   ”

          He’s going to read it, but he’s going to read it very gently so he doesn’t wrinkle the pages !

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It wasn’t that Bum didn’t believe this person, truly. It was just … the things he’d been through … he felt flustered and embarrassed even talking to a therapist about them. If he felt like that speaking to someone who was trained to deal with trauma, then how ashamed would he feel shouting them to the sky where God knew who could hear every awful thing that had been done to him ?

Despite his hesitance, he simply nodded and stepped a little closer, ready to follow her. If it worked for her before … then maybe it would also work for him. It was better than nothing, wasn’t it ? It had to be. “ O … okay. I guess … I-I can give it a try. ” There was still a sinking feeling in his stomach anyway, like there always was. “ Is the place you use … a-at least … not nearby a lot of … of other people …? ”

“Yeah, I did feel better afterwards.  Loads better, in fact!”  The Gem whipped her finger around in an exagerrated motion, as if she were trying to sell Bum on a point she had just made.  “And sure, my lungs hurt a little.  But that’s cause I used so much energy to let out my emotions.  Raw emotions Bum, raw!”  Black Star begun her dramatics, shaking both fists up at the sky.

The male was still hesitant.  Of course if the alien woman knew what he had been through, then Black Star could understand his perspective fully.  Instead, Black Star was under the assumption that Bum just needed a confidence boost.  “Come on, I’ll go with you, how ‘bout that?  So if it doesn’t work, we can both feel shitty together!”  She beams her proposal in an upbeat tone.