#can you imagine this chapter was only supposed to be a 500 word scene?

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

If Only In My Dreams Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Please Come Home for Christmas (I'm Feeling Blue Without You Here)

Chapter Summary: Patton is struggling through a season of loneliness after being the only one of his friends to stay in their hometown after high school graduation. He can’t wait to reconnect with his best friend Virgil, who is coming down to Florida for Christmas break. Except, it grows increasingly apparent that might not be the case anymore.

Pairings: platonic prinixety & platonic moxiety

Word-count: 3106

Warnings: abusive parents, homesickness, misunderstandings, crying, loneliness, hurt/comfort

Inspiration:  this ask right here

AO3 LINK, Chapter 1 , Chapter 3

I can’t believe I forgot to post this on tumblr! Again, this is a part of the winter bang hosted by @sanderssidesbang. Many thanks to them for hosting this and also thank you to the lovely @theeternalspace for beta’ing this for me <3

If you asked Patton Hart whether he preferred either the cold or the heat, his response would be the same if one had asked whether he liked cats or dogs the best.

“Both!” He would cheerfully say, rocking back and forth on his feet before explaining his reasoning, “I like the cold because you get to drink hot chocolate and wear warm sweaters! Back in Minnesota my house was on a hill and my siblings and I sled down the driveway all the time after it snowed.  I also like when it’s hot outside also because you get to go to the beach and play in the water and make sandcastles--oh! And eat popsicles! Cherry’s my favorite popsicle flavor! What’s yours?”

Patton was prone to rambling, jumping from topic to topic and making connections that might seem unrelated to an outside perspective. It was one of the many symptoms stemming from Patton’s ADHD.

Patton was a glass half full kind of a guy, and that was applicable when it came to his thoughts concerning ADHD. He liked to think that hypo-focus was his superpower that allowed him to concentrate and get tasks done. Just like all super powers, however, there was weaknesses that came with it. Such as hypo-focusing on cartoons instead of doing his homework.

Imagining himself as a superhero who needed to defeat the evils of Homework to save the city helped direct his energy in a more productive manner. Sure, maybe it was a bit childish, but he still very much felt like a child at heart. It was wild to think in a few months on his birthday it’d be a year since he had become a legal adult on his eighteenth birthday. Shucks, he had a hard time not referring to other older adults with a Mr. or Mrs. in front of their name. It felt wrong!

But that wasn’t the biggest thing he was struggling with in his new-found adulthood. It was the aftermath of high school, where all his friends scattered to the four winds. They all promised to keep in contact, that they’d remain best friends forever. But Patton knew how it went, having gone through something similar when he and his family moved from Minnesota to Florida when he was twelve.

Everyone promised they’d keep in contact, but sooner or later the text messages and emails would stop coming. Patton knew that there wasn’t anything malicious behind it. People, including himself, got busy with their own lives. It was natural for friends to drift apart with diverged interests and increased distances.

So it wasn’t a big surprise when the fall semester started and communication with his old high school friends drastically dropped. As they started university, they all became busy with school and work and new friends--and well, there wasn’t any room for poor Patton who stayed home and attended community college.

There was nothing inherently wrong with attending community college of course. It was a more affordable way of education, with many of the classes on the same level as both the private and state universities. There was just an unfortunate stigma surrounding it. Patton lost track of how times people asked him why wasn’t he attending a real college or telling him he was missing out on the true college experience.

He was lonely, he hated to admit it, but he was. Virgil once asked him if he ever understood the feeling of being lonely in a sea of people. He hadn’t, at the time. But now, he understood. Patton went from his early morning classes to work at the mall back to home and slept until he started his routine all over the next day. All the while he was surrounded by people, but people are different than friends.

Patton tried making new friends among his work and school, but he wasn’t stupid. He could read the atmosphere enough to know what they thought of him. He was too loud, too flighty, too childish . Sometimes they actually verbally expressed this.

It caused Patton to spiral further into his hyper-fixations as a coping method. But even his favorite shows wasn’t enough compared to actual human interaction.

That was why he was ecstatic when Virgil told him he was going to be in Florida for the break. Out of all his friends, he’d kept in contact with Virgil the most. It made sense--they’d been best friends for years. Sending memes and cute animal videos had become their primary method of communication. The latter was mainly Patton, but Virgil sent the occasional one. He always seemed to know just when Patton needed them, too. Their schedules didn’t mesh well, but they tried to face-time one another whenever they could. If he was being honest, those snippets of contact with Virgil was the only things that kept him sane through a stressful semester and drama at his workplace.

He hadn’t admitted to Virgil that he was lonely. He couldn’t do that, when Virgil was over a thousand miles away from home in an unfamiliar setting. Patton knew how that felt--he’d at least had his family, Virgil had no one. He was completely surrounded by strangers. Patton didn’t feel like it was fair for him to complain when he at least had stayed in the same town of the high school they’d graduated from and there was still familiar faces around.

So he kept it to himself, slipping back into old habits by keeping a smile on and skirting around the topic. Some part of him wanted Virgil to be suspicious, to demand the truth. But he knew it was unfair of him to think that way when he’d deceived Virgil in the first place. No matter how many justifications Patton tried to tack on, at the end of the day it was just that.

Virgil and him planned to spend what felt like practically Virgil’s entire stay together, starting directly after Christmas. Patton was bouncing in excitement at the thought of it. He was finally going to see his best friend again, after going months unable to meet face to face. He was going to be able to actually hug Virgil instead of sending text messages with GIFs as a poor substitute to the real thing.

Except it was December 27th, and there was no hide nor hair of Virgil Raine in the town of Loving, Florida.

He stared at the last text sent to him by Virgil, trying not to sniffle. It was from December 19th, a couple days before Virgil’s flight was scheduled to leave. It wasn’t anything meaningful, really. Just a mundane text about the weather.

🌩️ Virgil 🌩️: I saw some snow flurries on my way home from work today.

Patton sighed, scrolling down a bit through his own replies.

Patton Hart💙: Ooo exciting! Florida still hasn’t gotten the memo that summer is over--it was almost in the eighties today!

Patton Hart💙: [Image Attached: It was a photo of Patton grinning as he held up a potato chip]

Patton Hart💙: I value our friend-chip

Patton Hart💙: Hey Virge, I heard about the nasty winter storms up north--did your flight get canceled? I hope you’re somewhere safe! <3

Patton Hart💙: Merry Christmas! 🎅🎄🎁

Patton Hart 💙:  ...Virgil are you okay? Are we still on for Mel’s today?

There was a half page more of his own messages, but still none from Virgil himself. It was normal for communication to go silent for a few days due to the busyness of life. But he started having an uneasy feeling when Virgil didn’t respond after the first few messages he sent. That feeling only worsened when he tried calling Virgil yesterday and it went right to voicemail.

Patton always tried seeing the positives in life. Virgil was rather the opposite. He often saw only the negativities in life. Their friendship was one of an immovable object meets an unstoppable force. No one expected the social butterfly to make friends with the antisocial emo. Especially the latter. But Patton never let others’ expectations dictate how he acted, or rather who he was.

Patton was just Patton--he didn’t try to be what others wanted him to be. He felt it was unfair to both others and himself if he tried pretending to be something he wasn’t. So when the kids at his lunch table started snickering about the “creep all alone in the corner,” Patton didn’t join in. He stood up with his lunch tray and marched over there. The creep in question was a seventh grader just like Patton. He didn’t look scary like the others said. If anything, he looked scared with the way his shoulders were hunched in and he avoided eye contact. His figure was swallowed up by a hoodie two sizes too large for him.

“Hi!” Patton grinned, “My name’s Patton, mind if I join you?”

The other only grunted, avoiding direct eye contact with Patton.

It wasn’t a no, so Patton sat down and began talking. The other preteen only made the occasional grunt to let him know he was listening to Patton. It was like that for the whole week. Patton would ask to sit with him, and hold one-way conversations--never pushing for the other to talk.

Patton never minded. He talked enough for two whole people, after all. He sat with the kid to keep him company, to let him know he wasn’t alone.

On Friday of that week, the bell rang signaling the end of lunchtime and Patton stood up from the table.

“Well, see you later, kiddo!” Patton said. He walked a few paces when he heard the kid murmur something. He stopped abruptly, turning around to face the other kid.

“What’d you say?” He asked, unable to contain his excitement.

“M-my name. It’s Virgil.” The kid in the hoodie stammered, taking Patton’s excitement to mean something else.

Patton’s eyes widened. He hadn’t known his name until this moment. He tried asking him once, but let it drop after it clearly made him uncomfortable.

He’d referred to the other as just “kiddo”. It was a strange habit leftover from his toddler years when he was still learning how to speak. His father had so often used the word in reference to Patton and his siblings, that baby Patton had started calling everyone young and old kiddo.

This continued in elementary school where he’d often play the Dad when the girls his age played House. He liked pretending to be a Dad, because it meant he got impersonate his father--who was a hero in his eyes. He wasn’t fond of the more violent make-believe games that the other little boys liked to play. The girls were much nicer and considerate, even when they played games like Warriors Cats.

Sometimes, other kids had made fun of Patton calling others “kiddo.” Patton tried his best to ignore their taunts.

He had tried imagining what the boy in the hoodie’s real name was in the span of the few short days they’d known each other. Virgil wasn’t one of the names he’d guessed, it was different...but he liked different. It fit the boy in the ways Patton’s imagined names hadn’t.

“Virgil. I like it.” Patton grinned, “see you later, Virgil.”

They’d continued hanging out during lunch, and eventually outside of lunch and even school. Their friendship stayed strong into high school. Patton was there for Virgil during what happened in high school the same way Virgil was there for Patton during his break-up senior year. The two had been together through thick and thin.

Only...things were different since the two had separated. Patton knew it would happen, but it didn’t change how much it hurt. He spent almost six years as Virgil’s best friend, seeing him on a daily basis. He hadn’t seen Virgil since before he left in late July for school.

If there was one thing the two had in common, it was that they both didn’t like change.

Virgil told him things were fine over there. But what if he was lying just as much as Patton was? What if things weren’t fine?

Patton generally kept his chin up even in the most difficult circumstances. But he couldn’t help but feel dread and concern about what had happened to Virgil. He wasn’t responding to any of Patton’s texts or calls.

His mind kept going back to the terrible winter storm and wondered if it held any implications about Virgil’s whereabouts. Patton grew up in Minnesota. He knew how dangerous storms could be. This was Virgil’s first winter in a northern state--what if he was caught unaware by the storm and something bad happened?

It might not be that , a small voice in the back of his head said, he might’ve broke his phone or something.

But if he broke his phone, he would’ve tried contacting you some other way . Another voice argued.

He’d at last gathered enough courage to call Virgil’s mom and ask about him.

Patton tapped his fingers nervously against his desk while the phone dialed.

“Hello?”

“Hi Mrs. Raine!” Patton said, mustering as much warmth into his voice as possible, “It’s Patton here. I was wondering if Virgil’s home? We were planning to get together over the break but he hasn’t been responding to any--”

“I’m sorry,” Virgil’s mother briskly interrupted, “but Virgil isn’t here. He’s still up in Massachusetts.”

“W--what?” Patton asked. It shouldn’t have been such a surprise. So why did it feel like he was getting slapped in the face with a fish? Not a dead fish, mind you, but a wiggling very much alive fish that didn’t want to collide with your face anymore than you did.

“I said, he’s still in Massachusetts, honey.” She repeated her words, Southern gush in full force.

Patton liked the friendliness of Florida, but he wasn’t a fan of the “Bless your heart” Southerners that inhabited parts of Florida. He hated when people pretended to be nice when they were really being passive-aggressive. Patton preferred out-right honesty above all.

He’d never gotten good vibes off of either of Virgil’s parents. Even though they always acted like the model parents to Virgil in front of Patton. Virgil had a hard time sharing things even after Patton gained his trust. But the things he did share, made Patton question if they were truly good people or not.

“Can I ask why he’s still in Massachusetts? Did something bad happen?” Patton asked, once he regained his voice.

“Oh heavens no!” She laughed, “His flight was canceled by bad weather and all the next available flights were booked up. Virgil and us agreed it’d better if he just stayed there and saved his money--with last minute flights being expensive and all.”

That...didn’t sound right to Patton. Who didn’t want to see their child for the holidays--even if they happened to miss Christmas? The holidays was a time of fellowship with friends and family. Wouldn’t anyone move heaven and earth so that their child could be with them? It wasn’t like Virgil’s family was hurting for money, either. They had more than enough money to fund Virgil’s college education as well as go on a few cruise trips a year.

Later on, he’d wished he would have given her a piece of his mind. But in the moment he’d been too shocked to say anything of the sort.

“Oh, I see. I guess I was just really worried since he hasn’t responded to any of my texts in like a week. Do you know if he broke his phone or something?” Patton laughed awkwardly. Virgil’s mother didn’t join in.

“No, I don’t think so. I bet he’s been hanging out with his friends all week that he’s been too busy to respond to your text.”

Patton’s breath hitched. That could be a possibility, couldn’t it? It wasn’t like Virgil wasn’t allowed to have friends other than Patton. But would he really do that to Patton? Ignore him completely to go hang out with his new friends? That wasn’t like Virgil at all.

People changed a lot in five months. But they didn’t change that much, did they?

Admittedly those words had been uttered by Virgil’s mother, out of all people. Who knew if that was the truth. But whether knowingly or unknowingly, those words had pierced his heart. Patton was too emotional to think logically about it.

Quickly he thanked Virgil’s mother before ending the call. Which what led him to now, staring at his and Virgil’s text conversation. Tears blurred his vision. Should he send another text? He didn’t want Virgil to be annoyed by him being too clingy. He didn’t want to lose what little remained of their friendship.

Yet at the same time, he couldn’t handle the fading friendships where both pretended everything was fine, that their friendship wasn’t dying. He’d done enough of those during this year. He couldn’t do it with Virgil, his bestest friend.

Patton Hart 💙: Hey kiddo...are we still friends?

Patton Hart 💙: It’s okay if we aren’t!! I know how you are, Virge, you don’t have to feel obligated to remain friends. Seasons come and go, y’know? Not everything lasts...and that’s okay. I still cherish every memory we spent together. But if you want me to stop meownoying you with texts, I’ll understand.

Except, despite those words he sent to Virgil, he was a huge freaking hypocrite. He sat there, flitting with the pop socket on his phone, sobbing. Loud, ugly sobs. He was thankful he was alone in his family’s house so he could suffer in solitude.

He didn’t want to lose Virgil even more than he hadn’t wanted to lose any of his other friends. Virgil was his best friend, after all. They’d done everything together. Patton knew sooner or later he’d be able to make new friends. This season of loneliness wouldn’t last forever. But knowing something didn’t mean his feelings ceased from existence.

People always placed romance having more importance over friendships. But Patton, having gone through a breakup, couldn’t understand that view. Relationships and friendships were equated in his mind. Friends were important. Often the best romantic relationships start off as friendships. He’d prefer friends, even if it meant never loving in that way again.

Once he finished crying for the most part, he went downstairs, clutching a blanket over his shoulders. It dragged behind him on the floor, a sad excuse for a cape.

He opened the refrigerator, reaching for the ice cream, when his phone went off. He fished it out of his pocket, hands trembling. It was a skype call. From Virgil.

[generallypo]

in all sincerity, kim dokja makes me happy and he deserves to be so too :^(

incoherent yelling and sobbing under the cut. these fEELINGS will not be contained aaauuunnghhh. 

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anyway i binge-read all 500+ chapters of ORV this week and i honest to god feel bad for this -- completely! fictional! aghhhh -- guy. in case you haven’t figured it out, the following is some spoilerly shit

i went in expecting a fun, brainless power trip fantasy for dudes with an isekai addiction. instead, it turns out ORV is actually a gigantic, self-deprecating prank on the entire genre itself. kdj plays more into the sad -- if high-functioning-- clown trope than the sexy, edgy, chuuni bastard type i was prepared to laugh at. there were -- gasp! -- female characters with personalities! parents (aka ADULTS who act like ADULTS) who actually survive and feature prominently! adorable children! a real sexy, edgy bastard! a power trio with amazing fashion! sexual tension and bickering! friendship! life and death bonding! 

*breathes in deeply* fouND FAMILYYYYYYY.

like, yeah, the plot around the first few arcs seems a little aimless, but the buildup is worth. the world-building is pretty decent. there’s discernible effort put into the fight scenes, and i can appreciate that. but -- but! what i stayed for were the characters -- namely, the fantastic OT3 of KDJ, HSY, and YJH -- who come together despite their initial rivalries and end up saving each other’s asses, like, every other day. granted, the other characters don’t get as much focus, and they do fall into certain character tropes.. 

but a trope done well is nothing i would gripe about. every significant character in ORV has a coherent, and more importantly, respectful take on their respective trope. maybe it’s because sing-shong is actually a married couple, but all the interactions between even minor characters are a convincing blend of awkward rambling, suggestive humor, sharp remarks, and casual banter. in other words, this cast of mostly working adults (plus a teen and two kids) talks like working adults. the relationships built throughout the story are, frankly, some of most realistic of its genre. sing-shong has managed to craft a dynamic that undoubtedly brims with fluffy fondness all around, but also drips with sarcastic tension, with unspoken urgency, with a wariness that softens into sincerity over the course of many, many chapters. it’s the kind of progression that makes even stock characters read like more than just the 2-bit villain or comrade or love interest. here, we have relationships both straightforward and not, strained or otherwise, romantically-oriented as well as decidedly the opposite -- and then numerous others scattered along the spectrum with the freedom to shift either way. 

it’s also an interesting point of note that our MC kdj actually does not end up with a stated romantic partner, much less a conventional heteroromantic harem. he gets teased about that fact from time to time, but it’s with less of the sleazy shonen locker room humor one would expect and more of the good-natured ribbing you’d find among friends or that one especially nosy auntie at the yearly family reunion. kdj is a grown ass man. in the background, i applaud his maturity, and he handles all the prodding like a champ. 

so instead of finding and fulfilling his horny, he builds himself a wealth of loving family. yeah, there are beautiful men and women around him. yeah, they unequivocally adore him. but they’re also adults, and they have priorities, too -- which are not so much finding a way to bang kdj’s brains out and more so simply keeping the damn guy alive. this is truly not ‘oblivious mc with his thirsty, sex kitten harem’. it just so happens that a guy proves himself to be unflinchingly gentle and capable in an apocalyptic setting despite his broken self-esteem, and lots of people find that attractive, romantically and platonically. 

it.. kinda makes sense? he’s a hard worker, thoughtful, and good with kids. kdj is the kind of guy you know would make a reliable partner, and anybody with eyes can plainly see and appreciate that. 

and it’s not that our MC’s a total brick wall. in fact, it’s likely the opposite, and he’s just too darned repressed to admit it. from what has been implied, kdj does indeed recognize and accept love, or at least a primitive concept of it. i like to imagine that the kind of love that he ends up seeking out simply manifests itself more easily as acceptance and safety, as warmth and a home of people to return to every day. even better, the people who surround him know this, and they give him exactly that. it’s refreshing, and honestly, really sweet.

(as a side note, i really, really do appreciate the cosmic bi energy radiating off of kdj, who canonically earns the title of being loved by all and is all but in name married to yjh and hsy. he also respects women and small children and honestly anyone who isn’t total scum to him or his family. i respect that.)

but the happy stuff aside, you know it it just ain’t ORV without the generous screaming dollop of angst. admittedly, there’s self-sacrifice, injury, lonesome wandering, more sacrifice, some epic fighting, reunion and confrontation. all of it is a lot to digest, sure, but never does it feel entirely hopeless, or truly, truly heart-clenching. ORV, up until the final act, is a mostly light read. you relax in your chair, thinking that nothing beyond this point can disturb you. 

yeah fucking right.

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and then the beginning of the end arrives. when the squad finally break through to their ‘ending’, the scene that kind of breaks me is the reveal of the Most Ancient Dream. it ties so much thematically into the little tidbits that we get of kdj’s past, and it though it feels like almost a joke that the source of the goddamn apocalypse is a kid with bruises smeared across his skinny ass body -- it’s such a pathetic picture that it’s kinda poetic, actually. you’re left mystified but somewhat convinced, like a math problem explained halfway through. this.. child.. is a villain somehow, isn’t he?

and then 999th turn uriel speaks up, and she. just. hugs him. 

[[You are this universe’s most powerless existence, aren’t you.]] 

that. that gets me. kdj’s reaction immediately upon this revelation? absolute murder. seeing him essentially self-destruct upon realizing that all these people he’s surrounded himself with -- some who continuously proclaim their loyalty and affection for him throughout their journey, some who suffered eons of war and loss and trauma because of his existence -- not only forgive his younger self but smother him with unconditional acceptance and love is stifling, is too vulnerable and exposed and he simply can’t cope -- it’s so telling of his true mentality, of his crippling insecurity and crumpled sense of self-worth. kim dokja is a liar, through and through, so much that he fails, or perhaps refuses, to comprehend the veracity of others’ kindness and love towards himself. 

by some miracle, the events at the end of the world somehow resolve.. or so it seems. there is a departing train, a liberated team of ex-gods, and a child rousing from his slumber. in the aftermath, i am left shaking. somehow, despite the ending having been (happily?) reached, there’s still another chapter ahead. what is this witchcraft?

------

and then ah, yes -- the epilogue arc. i teetered on the edge of being critical for a little bit there -- is that display of deus ex machina, of sad, self-sacrificing nobility a bit too egregious to be acceptable? is this some wild last let-me-yank-this-outta-my-ass plot twist to drag out the chapter count? i sincerely thought that the arc before it would have been the finale. i was wrong. thank god.

anyways, as an answer to the above: no, and no. i stake my firm claim on the belief that the epilogue arc was meticulously planned out well in advance of its release, confusing and time-warpy as it is. i liked it. tremendously. even if it entirely invalidates all of kdj’s supposed development (”haha lol yeah sure i won’t sacrifice myself or anything anymore guys don’t worry about me” -- KDJ, at some point because he’s a lying rat bastard). actually, our beloved MC disappears for a large chunk of this arc, and i think it’s great. in his absence, the other characters not only go absolutely fucking nuts, but they have to figure out this new problem on their own, even if the lure of peaceful complacency in the newly saved Korea might convince them otherwise. 

and then the whole time paradox thing comes around. yjh goes to space, hsy saves the only life she can, and kdj grows up. the crew waits, holding onto their hope even if it bleeds them dry. sing-shong does a damn good job of illustrating their fraying calm, their lurking madness, the unseen but pervasive depression that seeps in from kdj’s absence. the kids lose their father, lhs and jhw lose their reliable leader figure, ysa loses a best friend and confidant, lsk -- as distant as she pretends to be from her son -- loses her only child. and then there’s hsy and yjh , who are essentially bereft of the other half of their existences. their pain is palpable, is grounded in the hopeless, gnawing frustration of an utterly meaningless victory. emotionally, ORV hits all the right -- if agonizing -- beats.

however, a story can’t sustain itself just through its pathos. i’m happy to say that ORV doesn’t drop the ball after the first milestone, and after all the hurt, the characters do leap straight back into action. even better, the plot holes actually do get patches, and the poetic cycle of writer, protagonist, and reader comes full circle by making use of all those supposedly throwaway characters from the myriad world lines. 

at the end of the road, there is a distinct sense of unity, of a delicate but undeniable cohesion to the world lines and their origins. sing-shong lets us guess a little here at the finish, but there’s just enough information to feel hopeful. maybe there never had been a definite start -- or finish -- to the story of kdj company, and... that’s okay. everybody ends up where they were meant to be, where they fought and struggled to reach. it’s.. almost like a happily ever after, if we’re allowed to dream of that.

------

now, i realize, this was all an orchestrated maneuver.

i’ll take it.

to me, all of this work sounds like someone put some serious thought into this behemoth of a plot. it cements the entire original premise of the story. it suggests -- but never explicitly confirms! -- the possibility that breaking free of the cycle is possible through the exact same system that sustains it. it’s terribly interesting -- and inspirational! with all the dramatic revelations and life-threatening scenarios  and the cast’s resigned acceptance of them that essentially make up ORV’s entire mood, there’s still that last hint of rebellious and righteous anger that lights up the whole damn nebula. it’s like the kdj company blasting away at the heavens just to yell into the nether: we’re not looking for the happy end, but the free one. stay alive.

it’s subtle, and yet it’s such an emotional gut punch. i came away with the most ruinous, frustrating, bittersweet sense of longing in ages. i pined. for these fictional darlings. god, i am weak.

so. yeah. ORV is pretty good. flawed, but ambitious and impressively thought out.  i’m stoked that the webtoon is making pretty good progress, even if it’ll take an eternity and a half to meet that monstrous chapter count. i’m still gonna follow it. hell yeah. 

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(by the way the idea that secretive plotter and co are literally gonna take care of and raise baby kdj and spoil him and be the best friggin family a kid could ever want does things to me. protect him. he’s suffered too much. let at least one worldline’s version of him know happiness. and actually, aLL OF THEM DESERVE DOMESTIC BLISS TOGETHER IN A BIG OL MANSION WITH SUN AND FRESH AIR AND TENDER FAMILY MOMENTS UGH)

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and there you have it, folks. you made it to the end. in the far, far distance, i’m cheering you on and crying my eyes out in gratitude. thanks for tuning in!

[eulchu]

Fic Interview Tag

thank you @edge0fmydesiree for tagging me! many hugs 🥰

Name: ro <3

Fandoms I write for: i used to be a writer for the skamverse fandom (mostly skam france). after a long long break from writing i've been trying to get back to it through thiam so we'll see how it goes!

Two-shot: not sure of what this means but if it's asking me my favorite two-shot, then i've only ever written one. it's called boys that marry and it's not even a proper two-shot, more like a one shot with a little bonus scene.

it's one of my favorite works i've ever written and it did pretty well! one of my best ones actually.

Most popular multi-chapter: oh god haha according to my ao3 stats it's in case you ever forget. i'm... not very proud of this one. it was my first try at plotting/writing anything that went over 500 words (beat that number with a whooping 7k! first try woo!) and it's rusty at best. i've changed my writing style a lot since that first fic, but hey if it weren't for it i wouldn't have gotten as far as i did. so i gotta give it some credit. we'll call it good practice for what came after :)

Actual worst part of writing: is saying writing too cliché...?

i'll have to go with the descriptions. as a non native english it's, i wouldn't say hard because i know my words, but it can be very mentally draining. the hardest work goes to the description of certain actions/settings and it takes a LOT out of you if english isn't your first language. one of the reasons why i don't write as much anymore is because it can get pretty damn tiring.

How you choose your titles: pft i throw a coin up in the air and hope for the best.

no i guess song lyrics mostly. sometimes i go for story concepts but only when i have a very clear image of where i'm going with it.

Do you outline: yes! yes yes yes yes. i didn't use to and i think that was my biggest flaw. i abandoned so many wips because i'd just end up losing the storyline.

my note app is full of little annotations for the plot/conversations/scene cuts. i usually outline how many scenes i want to write with a vague plot of what's supposed to happen in each one + some lines from the characters. outlining is fun!

Ideas I probably won’t get to, but it would be nice: @winterhalters and i have this horrible habit where we go off on thiam tangents and come up with amazing plots that we'll never touch. i have one in my mind that i don't know if i'm allowed to say (because i'm gonna bully her into writing it).

i came up with a canon divergent au where everything's the same except theo was never taken and him and liam are best friends from devenford. honestly it's kind of a silly idea but in my mind theo has this Reputation and when stiles hears scott bit theo raeken's boy he freaks out. scary dog privileges for the win 😌

Best writing habits: quick thinking? does that count? plus vivid imagination! it's easy for me to come up with situations/conversations because i get deeply invested in the story. it feels like reminiscing a dream that i had instead of an actual writing session.

Spicy opinions: well i don't know what this means either! if it means controversial opinions then here have this: friends to lovers is better and the best part of enemies to lovers is when they're slowly learning to trust each other as friends. love is nothing without trust.

if it means sexy opinions. making kissing and sex scenes entertaining is a lot harder than it looks. there. (don't let my ao3 stats fool you just because i've written immense amounts of porn it doesn't mean i didn't lose braincells in the battlefield)

tagging my incredibly talented friends @winterhalters @sondergf @lifeisevak <3 flex your writing skills bbys

[chrismerle]

FOR THE FANFIC ASK MEME THING (I finally picked beyond 'just... all of them?'): F, I, K, M, N, Q, S, T, V, W, X, and Y. WHICH ISN'T ALL OF THEM it's just... several...

(from here)

F. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

I’m working on a Final Fantasy XV AU, because that’s basically all I write for FFXV; I really love the building blocks it gave me, but I don’t like a lot of the architecture. Anyway, conceptually it’s a fairly standard ‘what if Ardyn wasn’t a villain?’ thing, and on the off chance it ever sees the light of day, it will be called There Is a Crack in Everything.

This is a really early scene.

Regis stepped into his study, and Ardyn scarcely gave him time to close the door before wondering, with a languid sort of ease, “For how long have I been Adagium?” He sounded as if the word tasted foul.

“Longer than I can be certain of,” Regis sighed, taking his seat at his desk, across from Ardyn.

“And I’ll be able to relax for...how long?” Ardyn wondered pleasantly, leaning an elbow on the desk and propping his chin in his hand. “Before those lovely toy soldiers of yours try to haul me back to my stone box, that is.”

For a moment, Regis was quiet. For a moment, Regis thought of his father. Mors would have reacted the instant he realized who Ardyn was, and Regis wondered how many of the Glaive would have died and what sort of enemy they would have created.

He thought of his son, just a few weeks old. Already, Regis knew he did not want to teach Noctis to be that sort of king.

He did not want to be his father.

“You may stay here, should you wish it,” Regis answered at last.

Ardyn blinked, slowly. His expression didn’t change, but his words seemed carefully picked for carelessness. “And no one will wonder at another of the bloodline suddenly appearing?” he asked. “Or am I forbidden from showing off?”

“We’ll say you’re my half-brother,” Regis answered before he was even fully aware he’d come up with a solution. “It won’t surprise many.”

Ardyn’s eyes narrowed. “You’re awfully eager to dub me family.”

“You already are family,” Regis reasoned. “It seems it’s time someone finally treated you as such.”

That, at last, seemed to unmoor Ardyn. His posture went rigid for a moment as his gaze went distant. Twice, he opened his mouth to respond, before closing it without saying a word.

It took him only a moment to gather his composure, though, before he cleared his throat. “I have to say, this is the most elaborate method anyone has ever used to call me a bastard. I suppose that alone means it’s worth putting up with it.”

Regis laughed before he could help it.

I like it for a handful of reasons. For one thing, I’ve successfully weaponized it (and a few other snippets of the same WIP) to make my friend Ala emotional. For another, I didn’t really see this dynamic between Regis and Ardyn coming. It just sort of happened while I was typing, but I liked it when it showed up. It felt natural for an Ardyn who hadn’t been driven mad by turning countless people into daemons, but who was nevertheless not the same gentle healer after 2,000 years of isolation.

I. Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

I got paid for years, plural, to write really bad porn about people who could turn into animals fucking. I have no shame left. I’ve had no shame since the first time someone offered to pay me $500 for smut.

K. What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

It is, again, related to FFXV. I wrote If the Ring Fits and Backed in Silver years ago, and ever since, I’ve tossed around the idea of writing another sequel for Ignis.

The only issue is that my idea for it would forcibly make him realize that the Prompto that had been in their world was not actually their Prompto, and had not been for over a decade. And it would be a conflict he’d have to grapple with through the entire fic, trying to decide whether to force that same replacement on someone in a different world or to just endlessly keep hopping from one world to another because he can’t return to his.

I’ve never actually written any of it, and the concepting never got beyond Ignis’s revelation about Prompto. But considering If the Ring Fits was 10,000 words long and Backed in Silver was 20,000, I can only imagine what sort of behemoth it would be.

M. Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

Like, WIPs, or things that I’ve pondered but haven’t started working on?

I’ve got a few WIPs. There’s the aforementioned non-villainous Ardyn AU. I’ve got another FFXV fic that’s been on hiatus on AO3 for legitimately over three years, and the next chapter is very nearly finished and I just...can’t seem to get there. I’ve got a Persona 5 new game+ fic in the works. That one’s fully plotted out already, and just the outline is like 15 pages long. Based on how the first chapter is going, each chapter will probably be anywhere from 10-20,000 words long. And I’ve got a melancholy immediately-post-season-two Mandalorian one shot in the works, spawned almost entirely so I could make Mando say ‘fuck.’ I know no one says fuck in Star Wars, but I don’t care. I will not say kriff and no one can make me. And I’ve got the Dragon Age uber fic that I’ve just sort of been plugging away at since Inquisition was released and none of it has ever seen the light of day, unless you count me shoving a few snippets at Siobhan.

Oh, and I’m rewriting an older Mass Effect fic.

For things that I’ve thought about but haven’t really worked on, they’re mostly more Dragon Age and FFXV. The “canon” stories for the two timelines not covered in the uber fic, and more AU nonsense spawned from ItRF and BiS.

N. Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

Like, finish one of MY fics? No. I would bite them if they tried. Hell, I love you and I would bite you if you tried.

Just, in general? At this point I would take a monkey paw-style deal to get someone to finish Home.

(for anyone who isn’t Jim, Home is a nuTrek Jim/Spock fic that I think I was in high school when it was published. I graduated from college over five years ago.)

Q. How do you feel about collaborations?

Mixed feelings. I’ll take feedback, assuming I’ve offered the mic for it. I’ll prattle on about whatever I’ve got cooking. I’ll ask for ideas or suggestions. But when it comes to the actual writing of it, I’m a control freak. So, people are welcome to help me gather up the building blocks, but I’m gonna wind up doing the actual building myself.

S. Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

Overly elaborate AUs.

T. Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

That thing fandom does where if they’ve decided a character has anxiety, then it does not matter how that anxiety presents itself in canon, in fanon they are a weepy, shy introvert who can hardly string a sentence together because they’ve polymorphed into a shivering puppy.

V. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

Does it count if I just say I wanna rewrite a series as a whole? There’s a FrostIron series I read ages ago before the MCU made me wanna gag, and at the time I LOVED it. And then not that long ago I went back and read it again, and it felt like I was saying goodbye to it because oh my god it was unbearable.

Loki was NEVER FUCKING WRONG ABOUT ANYTHING, unless he wasn’t in the room, in which case Tony picked the slack about not ever being wrong about anything.

W. Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

More specific. Not this past Christmas, but the one before that, I was doing some Advent Drabbles for one of my roleplay blogs, so I was open to drabble suggestions anyone wanted to see. Like 70% of them were just one or two words and I’m just staring at my ask box like ‘thanks, I hate it’

(Kudos, though, to the random stranger who gave me a very specific, paragraph-long prompt for a Spider-Man (PS4) fic.)

X. A character you enjoy making suffer.

...All of them?

Y. A character you want to protect.

I guess Din Djarin.

I mean, he still falls into the above ‘all of them’ but when I make him suffer it’s more related to exploring something that happened in canon, rather than me directly causing it.

[comicteaparty]

July 4th-July 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from July 4th, 2020 to July 10th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

What was an unexpected aspect of making webcomics you didn’t realize before making one yourself?

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

How much our comic and it's story we're going to change during the years of creation was the biggest and most jarring aspect for sure. There's scripts and thumbs that were all made before we ventured out to make GJS with paths completely different from what we initially thought we would take that have completely changed how we approach not only writing but reading webcomics too. Webcomics as a medium have the biggest connection to time, whether it be production or the consumption, they have this opportunity to exist and transform in the long hours it takes to enjoy and read them. It's honestly one of the biggest advantages imho. To see a story slowly unfold, listening to ur audience reactions, peer critiques, or new inspiration can make such a drastic and intense impact on a long form work- its both jaw dropping and humbling to be apart of!(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

For me it was the community aspect of comics. I knew a community existed on the reader side of things (comments!), but I didn't expect the creator side to be how it is! I don't know why, but for some reason I kind of always thought that all of us were sort of throwing our comics out from the void... I guess that was me looking at comics from a reader's point of view! But as soon as I started making comics, I started meeting people who made them too... and it's been incredible!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@deo I never really understood what an internet community or internet friends were until I started making a webcomic

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, I had been in (and quickly decided to not be in 0_0) gaming communities, but nothing really as wonderful as what I've found through comics. Closest I had gotten other than that was comments on social media

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

Community definitely one of the big things, much like Deo pointed. I was kinda expecting to have get connections through readers, but it's much more with other creators, which is super satisfying in it's own way. Also gonna second Krispy's comment about how time affects how you see your story's past and future. A lot of things changed in the past four years that made my comic change as well and having so much time to think each individual scene allows them to be much more complex and interesting than they would when I first thought them through. Having the time really helps. This also kinda touches the topic of personal change too, which affects how I write and what feels most important to focus on and that's interesting to think about as well

eliushi [Keyspace]

How long things will take, the longer the story goes on! I started out being able to complete a page in 2h but then I found more I wanted to try on each page (colours, layout, composition etc) and even wanted to extend certain scenes. With 500 pages planned, I definitely thought I’d be farther along by now, heading into AWT’s first year anniversary in a month. That being said, I’m also enjoying the ride and it’s all thanks to the great community here and making connections with other comics folks/readers. I never expected to get comments and so each one has been a treasure to read.

Desnik

An unexpected aspect of making webcomics is how much people respond to them. I figured I'd be creating into a void but I met so many people as a result of publishing my dinosaur comic

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Ditto on the webcomic community. I didn't realize how far reaching it was to have a community that supports each other. And I've enjoyed meeting so many wonderful and creative people who raised each other up. Another thing I didn't expect, however, was how invested I got into my comic.(edited)

At first I was doing it mostly for fun. But the more I delved into it, the easier it was to get sucked into my story and want to draw it out. And as a result taking it a lot more seriously.

Desnik

yeah sometimes I miss my dinosaur comic even though I had some pretty good reasons for moving on. It was created out of desperation and evolved into something that made me feel good about myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

How much work and time it takes to keep a weekly update going with no backlog

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah same

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

eliushi [Keyspace]

Making comics became a lifestyle for me

@Haruh2 (Colony Life) When I had no backlog I was updating every two weeks with 7 pages per update; so about 14h of work. But this is with a finished script. I am also told I work fast.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

omg

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

That's soooo much, Eli!

That's at least twice as much as I do (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

I hadn't realized how much I put myself into my comic! My friends who read it have all said that it's incredibly in my voice and reflects my opinions and worldviews Before I shared it with people I hadn't thought of it in that way at all

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As an artist, I didn't expect how my comic production and mindset will change. Once I started comics, it brought out my ideas from thoughts to a physical form. I start to invest more time into it. Each project evolved through each chapter. How to balance script writing to a polished piece. I put alot of time and research in my works. It makes me glad to hear other creators do the same. I'm not the crazy artist who's wasting her time. One of the positive change was meeting other creators, how we give advice and receive praise.(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

The support has been amazing. It makes the work less lonely

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Fish, oh for sure! I didn't realize until recently how much my characters are all just facets of myself!

eliushi [Keyspace]

(I don’t work that quickly anymore and I’m making big changes to the format soon so it’s going to be a Transition)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I've been in school with art students who never made comics, so when I came to CTP discord, reading comic discussions. It was comforting and fun. I enjoy the cooperation our group has, helping each other.

eliushi [Keyspace]

I like to commiserate about the unique challenges comics have

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Hahaha, yeahhhhh

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree, it's different from illustrations. Different approach(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

I am perpetually balancing time spent on a panel vs how much time the reader will spend on it

Vs illustration: lemme make all the details

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Oh I agree, each panel takes longer than it takes to read it. Hence I dislike when readers call manga creators 'lazy'

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

how much time does it take to read one of my pages?

20 seconds?(edited)

haha

e.e

wait is that emoji supposed to be someone rolling their eyes??

i jsut looked it up

i might've been using it wrong this whole time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Pacing

It's way different than in novels, and definitely came as a shock at the start

eliushi [Keyspace]

Yeah have to play to the strength of the medium. Still imagining AWT as an animated movie written from a novel, in the format of a comic

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Haha, same kinda

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

@eliushi [Keyspace] ah haha, that makes me feel better about my update habits, but thats a good goal for me to shoot for now that im learning a new way to make long comics specifically

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

I completely underestimated the amount of effort that would have to go into formatting, website design and maintenance, etc. If I got to do it again, a little more research beforehand probably would’ve saved me a lot of time and hassle.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I really overestimated the "if you build it they will come" aspect of webcomics lol. Like, you actually have to work to advertise your comic in order for people to read it. Nobody ever got hundreds of readers just from posting their comic onto some hosting site without doing major marketing work.(edited)

dako

yeah, I feel that

I've never really been an advertising type before my comic, im learning to just get used to it

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've not really done much advertising tbh, it makes me uncomfortable

dako

it feels kinda...embarrassing? might be too harsh of a word

i dunno

Deo101 [Millennium]

its just uncomfortable idk! i feel awkward doing it

dako

yeah, same ive done it a few times on reddit but i have to force myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

it does feel, odd..hell most of the time it just feels like i open the door to my house and toss a bunch of paper to the wind hoping someone can see it

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah, I dont know if ive done anything other than posting updates on twitter and talking about it in groups like this

and twitter is mostly just me talkin to people who already read it...

idk talking about my work without being asked first makes me feel like im inserting myself where im not allowed

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Self promo got MUCH less intimidating for me when I started thinking of it like: "okay, so my comic is made for readers like me, people who share my tastes. That means I only need to answer one question: what can I say to get me to check out this comic? I don't need to impress anyone else. I just need to appeal to me." (since "me" is my target audience)

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm ^^

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

But take it with a grain of salt because I'm still not really promoing

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

exactly, thats why i find it hard to tweet about it most of the time, but i get the whole if i dont care about to talk without being asked no one else will either

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah lmao mood im like what would get me to read... hmmm... probably exactly what im doing.... I'll keep it up then :)

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea i get excited to draw out certain parts..but wouldnt want to just tweet about all the little tidbits of the story ruining it for others

Deo101 [Millennium]

sweats

dako

i made a whole side twitter for my comic cuz talking about it on my main intimidated me too much

it is my containment chamber

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

hm may do that, just to say i did it and to get my mind away from the thought

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

yeah same

Deo101 [Millennium]

My main is just whatever I want it to be idk. Its kinda for all my comics, since my comics are all I want to talk about

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

though my main is mostly just retweeting from my side twitter lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

it removes a lot of the pressure of like what if my followers dont wanna see this??

cause they wouldnt be here if they didnt wanna see it

cause its all Ive been doing the whole time

dako

thats a good point

i had my main way before my comic so most of my mutuals/followers dont follow for that

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea, it can feel abit disorienting when there is no interaction one way or another on anything you tweet (also if twitter has messed up and causes your tweets to not show up)

Deo101 [Millennium]

but yeah I dont really advertise cause it just makes me so uncomfortable >.<

dako

understandable

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm kind of somewhere in between. I advertise my comic mostly because it is all I wanna talk about, like Deo. But I also don't think it's gotten me many readers. Most of my readers came as far as I can tell because I was making something that appealed to them. (The whole "if you build it, they will come" thing.) Although, I really don't have a big audience, I do have an audience, and I am certain most of them came from me just posting.

I think it's determined a lot by luck, and also, how big your niche's audience is to begin with (and some skill tbh).

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah like I think "gay sci fi" is a p big niche so ive got a big amount of people I could potentially reach

which makes it much easier to draw people in

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm particularly lucky, I guess, that fantasy/romance has a lot of readers (also more competition, but...)

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah fantasy romance is a damn big one

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

eh i think im in an awkward void with my action/drama story (since im not doing romance drama)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just go with the mindset: "what makes my fantasy/romance different from the rest" and go from there.

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm

tbh I dont think my sci fi romance is doing anything special?

but im having fun so :) I dont rlly care about that hahahha

dako

having fun the most important thing

Deo101 [Millennium]

its not my goal to make somthing mindblowing ^^ truley im just here for a good time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I mean, LGBT+-inclusive sci-fi is pretty unique

I haven't seen a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's clear that your characters are people, and that's special, regardless of how common/uncommon

dako

think if i didnt love my comic as much as i do id have stopped a long time ago

Deo101 [Millennium]

thats true keiiii, thank you <3

also yeah its Sad that theres not more LGBT+ sci fi cause its like youve got aliennnssssssssssssssssssss you can do whatever you waaaaaant

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I knooowww

Deo101 [Millennium]

guess it shows what ppl want or something

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yup

Deo101 [Millennium]

off topic

so to make it back on topic

I underestimated how much people would like gay sci fi GJKLAGJLAJLKAGJSLAKGJKL

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One thing I learned specifically with my current comic... I did not realize how much difference the reader's cultural background would make in terms of interpreting my story.

Deo101 [Millennium]

!!!!!

I actually almost mentioned you in class once tbh keiii

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Big oversight, in retrospect

!?

Deo101 [Millennium]

saying "someone I know makes a comic which they noticed, it's interpreted completely differently just depending on cultural backgrounds" kind of a thing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like I would not have made the comic any different, but I would have approached the... presentation differently. Like, talk about it differently

Deo101 [Millennium]

cause we were talking about how narratives affect rt

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I guess another thing that was unexpected about making webcomics was... there are way more people with my exact tastes than I thought

Deo101 [Millennium]

and I was saying that I think the viewer's narrative affects art more than the artists narrative

I mean, the artists narrative obviously is what makes it so.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

In the eyes of the beholder

Deo101 [Millennium]

but interpretations and all that... yeah!!!

so. actually I might have offhandedly mentioned you I cant remember if I did or not

lemme check

I did! very like "second hand" offhandedly mentioning though ahaha

hope that doesnt make you uncomfortable GSKLGSJALGJLGK no one replied to me so e.e

in the class I mean

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I am super uncomfortable and offended !!!!!

j/k

Deo101 [Millennium]

hgjkghsjkagskajgdhsakgjhgjd

but... yeah idk starting out I truly just was making it cause I really love my characters a lot, the idea that other people would like them too is very unexpected :) in a good way

I also definitely didnt expect how important enviornments were e.e

didnt plan those well enough.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

that relatable feel

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I really desperately advertise my comic everywhere. I don't really know how to do marketing effectively though & I don't know if its working

eliushi [Keyspace]

I find what increased readership most consistently is still the feature aspect from the hosting sites. It’s really about finding the right readers/right readers finding you

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Same, I'm basically a rounding error away from being 100% reliant on the features for subs

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't think my comic has ever been featured on the hosting sites. My numbers have always been low on Tapas and maybe thast why

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, features help a lot

I've been featured on Webtoon, but not Tapas, and you can really see the difference in readership there

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ive been featured on both, uhh in a couple of diff places, if you wanted a breakdown of how many readers i got from the diff spots and stuff ever just lmk im happy to share

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've been featured on both. It certainly got people to check it out and even sub, but retaining those people (even if they've subbed!!!) is a different story. I think my story is just not the right type for the platforms, but eh, even if 99% of the platform users aren't into the kinda thing I'm making, 1% increase is still an increase.

Which is another thing I learned over the course of running this comic, specifically (since the internet has changed so much after my first two attempts). Just because the majority of your subs don't actually read the comic, doesn't mean your work sucks. Today's internet caters to casual users, and there's a bajillion factors affecting who's actually reading your stuff.

dako

i agree

my comic has never been featured on either, and webtoons doesnt have a guideline on what they pick but tapas does and my comic doesnt really meet their featuring requirements so i dont think either site ever will feature mine haha

so i gotta advertise on reddit and use twitter tags a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Don't go too crazy with twitter tags; they can make people zone out and not look at your tweet.

dako

i try to use 5 at the most, i know too many is unpleasant to look at haha

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh huh, my rule of thumb is to use 1-2 on twitter and as many as I can on Insta but I’m no expert lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, IG seems to be where you want all the tags XD

varethane

Webtoon's algorithms are like turning a hose on and off lol

The difference between views and sub growth during periods of being featured vs not is stark(edited)

carcarchu

i've never been featured by webtoons but i've seen series grow from 100 followers to 10k overnight

not an exaggeration

varethane

I put my new comic on webtoon in november 2019, and in 1 month I crawled up to.... maybe 50 subs?(granted I only put up one episode and then paused for a bit)

Then in December I started updating it weekly and got placed in the new and hot section of the app

And bam, 6k subs

It last 2 weeks and then the section updated and all growth stopped, and subs went down by 10 or so over the next week

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

(Omg featured is like the new Daily Deviation goals from DA way back in the day!)

varethane

Until it got another feature on a different part of the website and went up another 2k. It was like playing with the handle on a faucet lol

dako

I got some pretty good growth during canvas week, but beyond that not really

I get 1-2 subs after an update if I'm lucky

varethane

I feel like their algorithms are very reliant on the regular rotation of features that staff have to do manuallt

Outside of that, discoverability is quite weak

Mostly because of the volume of comics on there

boogeymadam

same boat as vare. the only thing i know about webtoons features is they have stated a couple times one of their recquirements is consistant updating, so if u skip a week that disqualifies u for a lil while i imagine

varethane

I wonder what they count as consistent. I was doing every 2 weeks for awhile, but this month I'm gonna try weekly to see if it helps me earn more $$ from ads :U

dako

I wish there was more incentive for readers to check out the new section on webtoons and tapas

carcarchu

i have found some amazing gems in the new section

i swear i've seen stuff in featured that were not at all updated consistently

dako

I have too, there's a ton of good comics that get overlooked because they're not in the front page

some featured comics havent updated in months sometimes

varethane

I definitely would not have considered myself consistent at the time of the first feature, considering there was a gap of a month between episode 1 and 2 lpl

carcarchu

the consistently updating thing is more of a recommendation than a requirement i feel?(edited)

boogeymadam

ooohh good to know!!

varethane

I'm sure it cant be a hard rule, especially for comics that have just launched

boogeymadam

im just going off their canvas qna's from last year

dako

if it's actually a hard rule for staff to feature comics that regularly update they break that rule a lot

i also heard a bot picks up comics too

carcarchu

well i at least think the staff or bots or whatever at webtoons are doing a better job with features than tapas is

tapas is always pushing their premium comics way more than their indie stuff

boogeymadam

tapas needs to bring new comics onto the frontpage more often than it does, yeah

dako

yeah I agree

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean, I get why they put premium on the front page. But I feel more variety would help them because it's more interesting for the readers?

dako

I can't tell whats premium or not with tapas sometimes

boogeymadam

i do like that they've been asking stuff like this in the forums tho

carcarchu

more distinction would be helpful to me too dako

i don't think its as clear as it could be

dako

yeah, webtoons at least it's clear what is and what isnt featured or canvas

Jib {WIP haha}

Huh, anyone remember that really popular writing podcast? I forgot the name

Or have any recommendations I guess

Moral_Gutpunch

Terrible writing advice? It's sarcastic

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

is this related to the topic?

Moral_Gutpunch

It's a podcast about writing, so I'm going to say yes.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think snuffysam meant the weekly topic for the channel

Moral_Gutpunch

Oh

Just for this channel, no. I'm too new to know that.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Please check #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Sound more like someone forgot context than the rules

That's why I'm hardly here. I don't know stuff people who've been here for a long time know like podcasts or older comics(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Basically each of the channels under "CTP Activities" on this server has its own topic of the week.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

It's not a matter of being here for a long time or not. This channel is used solely for discussing the weekly topics, and such information can be found in #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Kudos then. I came for creator babble only.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

For general webcomic creation-related advice (either seeking or giving) and such, #shop_talk usually is the place!

creator_babble is for answering the topic of the week

It's not actually for generalized "creator babble" despite the name.

dako

looks like they left

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh my bad, it’s been a while since I read the rules, I brought up the new subject

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Happens!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

No problem, we were just reminding you all :)

Jib {WIP haha}

Ty for that then haha

dako

I think one unexpected thing for me is that no one tells you how crazy the highs and lows can be

well I guess people do but you really don't know until the highs and lows happen to you if that makes sense

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Oh God, that's so true

Burnout is way more dreadful than I could ever guess prior to experiencing it

Feather J. Fern

One unexpected thing for me was how many people I would meet because of my comic. It surprised me greatly that I found so many cool people through the comic community and made the friends I have made now. Love you all

rajmews

The unexpected thing for me was just how much you have to just...predict...what the market will want to read. Like even if you research a whole lot, and you draw really well, and have been doing art professionally, you can still strike out. It's a humbling experience, but being able to just let go of poorly received pages and move on and try things differently is a lot of the battle for doing a webcomic. It teaches you how to fail gracefully because...it's all a process of learning your readers better. Even if they're few at first.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

My major unexpected thing was how much my initial ideas change as I work through a page. Everything from the expressions, dialogue, and layout can change as I look at it and 'solve' it more closely than I did in thumbnails. There are pages I look back on and realize they are ENTIRELY different than what I had first sketched. And they're better for it. Allowing myself the freedom to edit during the artwork... it's created some majorly awesome opportunities.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes!!!!! Me too!!!

It's exciting thoufh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Absolutely same

Could plan something out meticulously but then change it in the last 2 secs before uploading

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yup... I don't thumbnail much ahead of where I'm at cause of this(edited)

I thumbnail a scene at a time, and then usually I end up changing stuff halfway through ahahfjjdkskdkss

varethane

Same hat, haha. I often make changes at every stage-- even the thumbnails will often depart from the script. If anything, I wish I made even more changes-- I feel like my page layouts tend to be pretty standard, I do a lot of pages with the 3 rows of 2 panels each, and I want to break out of that more. But... well, that's a work in progress.

[hethrewmyheartinthecut]

The Complete Peaky Blinders + Characters of Color Masterlist (edit: no longer complete)

Edit: this masterlist is no longer complete, as I am no longer using this tumblr very much and won’t be around to update it

All works on this list are set in the world of Peaky Blinders and FOCUSED on at least one canon or original character of color. (This means no Michael-centric fics with only one or two scenes involving Isaiah, etc.) All works should be longer than 500 words and located on tumblr or archiveofourown. 

Last updated 10/16/18.

WARNING: I have not read all the fics on this list, and fully abandon all responsibility for their quality, content warnings, etc. Read at your own risk.

🎖 indicates a personal favorite of mine + notes on why I like it

TABLE OF CONTENTS

FIC W/ A CANON CHARACTER OF COLOR - This is any fic that focuses on at least one canon character of color.

FIC W/ AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER OF COLOR - This is any Peaky fic or imagine that focuses on at least one original character of color.

READER x CANON CHARACTER OF COLOR - This is any Peaky imagine that focuses on the relationship between Reader & a canon character of color.

READER OF COLOR x CANON CHARACTER - This is any Peaky imagine that focuses on the relationship between a Reader of color & a canon character.

CONCLUSION - some parting thoughts

1. FIC W/ A CANON CHARACTER OF COLOR

This is any fic that focuses on at least one canon character of color.

🎖 ISAIAH-CENTRIC - me aka Ashling on ao3 //  Isaiah Jesus and the Sucker Punch Heist // Multi-chapter heist fic focusing on Isaiah, w/ side helpings of Isaiah x WOC, other original characters of color, action, friendship, drama 🎖 notes: really did my damnedest to make this a fun, good one

ISAIAH x FINN - rxttenk1d on ao3 // Finn Has A Choking Kink // smut, written in the second person

ISAIAH x FINN - me // picnic // short modern AU romcom fic

ISAIAH x FINN - me // coffeeshop // Finn has been waiting a long time for his goddamn espresso. 

ISAIAH x MICHAEL - cyrusbarrone // change // exquisite prose, incredibly short 

ISAIAH x MICHAEL - cyrusbarrone // saint dymphna // exquisite prose, perfect 100-word drabbles

ISAIAH x MONA MALLORY - @danceyreagan // several fics on this masterlist //a black OC, Mona Mallory, is cute as hell and dating Isaiah Jesus

ISAIAH x OC - @justaclichewhitegirl​ aka justaclichewhitegirl on ao3 // Hell is Empty and the Devils Are All Here // Alexandra wanted the past to stay in the past, but when doing a business deal with the Shelby's that doesn't always happen.

ISAIAH x OC - wishfulwriter on ao3 // Don't forget where you came from // Living with the Blinders is no walk in the park, especially not if you're somewhat involved with some of them.

🎖 MR. ZHANG x TOMMY - KeithKoenar // For what are we but weak men in a mad world on ao3 // In which Mister Zhang is terribly sick for two weeks and Thomas Shelby ultimately ends up stealing a damn prostitute, because he is a foolish, weak man. 🎖 notes: intriguing, original, smutty

2. FIC W/ ORIGINAL CHARACTERS OF COLOR

This is any Peaky fic or imagine that focuses on at least one original character of color.

CHADDA “SAM” SAMRA x ISAIAH - @peakyposts // The Art of Sneaking Around // Multiple Chapters // Finn Shelby, Isaiah Jesus and Chadda “Sam” Samra had been friends since they were children, but as Chadda gets older her responsibilities become more important than hanging out with her friends. How is she supposed to juggle helping out at her mother’s hair salon, going to school, and eventually falling in love with one of her best friends? Especially when one of those things is completely forbidden by her traditional parents? 

MONA MALLORY x ISAIAH - @danceyreagan // a black OC, Mona Mallory, is cute as hell and dating Isaiah Jesus. There’s over half a dozen small fics on danceyreagan’s masterlist about this couple, plus some moodboards.

RADHA CHAKRAVATI x FINN - @peakyarthurs // “It was all about helping a friend in need.” (Indian OC)

UPCOMING FIC PROMOS: 

UNNAMED OC x MICHAEL - [PENDING] @alfiesolcmons​ plans to write a fic set in America, where the OC is a woman of color. More info forthcoming.

EVE CHEN x TOMMY - [PENDING] I plan to write a multichapter fic about Eve Chen, a fiercely guarded and independent Chinese woman who develops an enemies with benefits situation with Tommy. Moodboard here, more info forthcoming.

3. READER x CANON CHARACTER OF COLOR

This is any Peaky imagine that focuses on the relationship between Reader & a canon character of color.

Reader x Isaiah Jesus

🎖 by @birminghamblinders​ 

🎖 notes: haven’t read these imagines but I know birminghamblinders can write

son of a preacher man // Isaiah had been in your life for what seemed like forever, but was really no time at all. 

love, in phases // Isaiah, quite honestly, knew he wanted to marry you from the first time he spoke to you. 

by @blindersbeach​: 

dad’s plan: pt 1 / pt 2

with purpose // “Isaiah and the reader are best friends spending Valentine’s day together, but become more”

by @blinder-baker​

Brown Eyes // Reader reassures Isaiah

🎖 by @blinder-secrets​ 

Perfect // Reader marries Isaiah

🎖 notes: tooth-rotting fluff

by @bonniebird 

untitled // Imagine hiding that you and Isaiah are dating 

by @collecting-stories​

untitled // sex worker Reader falls for Isaiah 

🎖 Visiting // Isaiah meets a black girl from America and is completely smitten: pt 1 / pt 2 🎖 notes: sweet stuff

morning // protective Isaiah

untitled // reader stands up for Isaiah against some racist

by @ijustwant2write​ 

“Let me help you!” // Reader helps her friend get out of an abusive relationship & Isaiah gets caught up in the mix

by on Jordy___9 ao3

A Long Time Wait // Michael x Reader; Michael invites Isaiah to join them, and he agrees to the idea.

by @la-dame-fleur 

untitled // SMUT

by @lucachangretta 

give over // jealous!Isaiah

by @michaelshelbys 

dramatic // in which isaiah jesus is quite frankly sick of sneaking around with the youngest shelby sister

by @nogods--nomasters​

untitled // You and Isaiah having to hide your feelings

“Please don’t cry. I hate to see you cry.” // Shelby sister Reader

“Why are you so nice to me?”

by @peakyxshelby 

Item // Reader is John’s daughter

Forbidden Flame // Reader is a Shelby sister: pt 1 / pt 2 / pt 3 / pt 4

by @peaky-blinders-lit​ 

Savior // country girl gets lost in Birmingham, meets Isaiah

by @shelbylimiited 

blissful unawareness // Reader is a Shelby sister

helping hand // Reader is a barmaid at the Garrison; Isaiah helps

disapproval // Reader is kicked out of her home for dating Isaiah

by @theshelbycompanyltd​

of fire, fighting, and other “f” words // You went to the Shelby wedding in search of a little excitement. You found Isaiah. 

Reader x Jeremiah Jesus

surely somebody has to have written this, and yet I cannot find anything?

Reader x Colonel Ben Younger

the universe is nothing but a vast disappointment. that man was CUTE

4. READER OF COLOR x CANON CHARACTER

This is any Peaky imagine that focuses on the relationship between a Reader of color & a canon character.

Alfie Solomons

by @peaky-yamyam

Wisdom and War // “Alfie falls for a beautiful black lady who is strong, intelligent, curvy, badass, and is as nutcrackers as him”

by @mrschangrettawrites

[PENDING] untitled [promo post] // (Persian reader)

by me

🎖 A Curious Correspondence // WOC reader gets to know Alfie Solomons through writing him letters as a volunteer during the war🎖 notes: I reread this one sometimes for kicks and giggles

by somebody

I KNOW somebody has an adorable fic that I think is titled Habibi which is ROC x Alfie but I can’t for the life of me remember where I saw it???? please send help

Finn Shelby

by @twistedrunes​

untitled // Isaiah’s sister is rescued by Finn.

Isaiah Jesus

Note: These are only the Isaiah Jesus imagines with a reader that is explicitly a POC; see above (pt 3) for all Isaiah Jesus imagines

🎖 by @collecting-stories​ 

Visiting // Isaiah meets a black girl from America and is completely smitten: pt 1 / pt 2

🎖 sweet stuff

John Shelby

by @xxdearlybeloved​

Among the Stars (masterlist, 10 chapters) // the reader is Jeremiah Jesus’ niece, forced to return to Small Heath from London.

Luca Changretta

by @mrschangrettawrites​

Acquisitions // (Turkish reader) “Every person has their purpose, and yours has just come up.”

[PENDING] untitled [promo post] // (Indian reader x Tommy x Luca)

Tommy Shelby

by @mrschangrettawrites

Another Kind of Language // (black reader) “You couldn’t speak the same way others could, but you still knew how to communicate.”

[PENDING] untitled [promo post] // (Indian reader x Tommy x Luca)

5. IN (MESSY) CONCLUSION

Isaiah is deeply beloved by all. do you have any idea how many fucking tabs I had to open to sort through the Isaiah fic and imagines? I had to bust my ASS

WOC are desperately underappreciated, but at least we’re doing better than fucking Steven 

someone: “I want to write fic but I am not a POC/not that kind of POC/unsure of how to do this” 

me: “listen, just use google & your common sense, then you’ll already be 2 steps ahead of steven fucking knight”

AGAIN, if you have any additions, subtractions, recommendations, send me an ask or a message or whatever. talk to me

[rosalind-of-arden]

Smoke and Iron Reread chapter 35-End

Here we are at the end of the book. Looking for Morgan, Wolfe, and Santi as usual.

Thomas!!! It’s so nice to see his way of thinking here.

Chemical glows require power supplies, and those power supplies will also work for the Ray of Apollo. Interesting. What kind of power? Not electrical, since that got sent to the Black Archives. Quintessence?

Wolfe is watching Thomas while the Spanish ambassador and troops freak out over the power supplies. Wonder how long he’s been keeping an eye on him. Just since the power went out? Or longer?

Like Wolfe and Santi, Thomas needs to be doing something to keep the trauma from overwhelming him. As soon as he has no more work to do, he cracks.

An addition to thoughts about scents that we’ve bounced around: Khalila is now wearing jasmine perfume, which Thomas recognizes. That gives us two scents for her, doesn’t it? Cinnamon and jasmine. Do those go together, or does she pick different ones depending on her mood and/or what’s available?

Wolfe told Thomas that talking about Rome would help. Wolfe has not talked much about Rome himself. Wolfe knows what’s good for him, but hasn’t been able to do it. And here’s Thomas, too, having a hard time talking. Rome was that devastating that neither of them has processed it enough to put it into words yet.

I was surprised by Wolfe’s reluctance to use the Ray of Apollo the first time I read this, but after looking more closely at the scene in Brightwell castle where they test them in Ash and Quill, this fits. So much of Wolfe’s supposed ruthlessness is a front. At heart, he is uncomfortable with violence, especially on the scale of these new weapons.

But some of this is also just Wolfe’s communication style clashing with Thomas’s. Wolfe is deflecting his discomfort with sarcasm, which Thomas finds upsetting. Thomas argues back with appeals to their shared trauma, which Wolfe finds upsetting. Both are so focused on protecting themselves that they don’t realize how much they’re hurting each other.

To follow the flow of conversation, we have Wolfe first expressing wonder at Thomas’s engineering skill, and Thomas being at once humble and vulnerable by explaining that he needed to keep busy. Thomas is probably looking for an expression of support here. But that hits too close to home for Wolfe, who can’t handle the combined vulnerability of being nice and being reminded of his own trauma. So Wolfe tries to laugh it off. Even to Thomas that laugh sounds bleak. And then Wolfe snarks, because that’s what Wolfe does when he feels too vulnerable. But Thomas takes it as an attack. I don’t think Thomas comes from a background of using insults as humor: look at his reaction to Callum Brightwell putting Jess down in a way that Jess pretty much brushed off. It’s also hitting one of Thomas’s insecurities, which Wolfe might not even realize. Thomas is uneasy with the fact that after Rome, he’s built nothing but weapons, in contrast to the peaceful things he built before. And Thomas fights back against this perceived attack with repeated reminders of Wolfe’s trauma, which does nothing to help Wolfe feel less vulnerable. That silent glare at the end? I think that might just be Wolfe realizing that they’re triggering each other and finding a way to back down.

Santi is scoping out the opposing forces and analyzing the tactical situation. He’s calmer than he was before. Having things to do helps. Having a whole night with Wolfe probably helped too.

Zara tries to appeal to Santi’s sense of strategy, but it’s not working. He’s already committed, and he and Wolfe have already accepted their likely deaths. Santi is more comfortable with trying and losing than with not trying. But I don’t think Zara could succeed in convincing Santi any other way. Her loyalties might be conflicted, but his aren’t. The low odds of victory are all she has.

Santi has fully adopted the kids now: losing Dario hurts more than any of the other apparent failures of their plans.

Santi has really grown to like Dario: “as unlikable as Dario had been at times, he’d changed. He’d become something better.” Somewhere in the weeks he’s spent working with Dario since the betrayal, Santi has seen something in him that he respects. @thegreatlibraryfangirl, have fun with this little hint at Santi/Dario possibilities.

“It’s a dragon. It breathes Greek fire.” Credit where credit is due. Zara is a terrible backstabbing traitor, but this is a good line.

“Wolfe looked up, and Santi found himself smiling. No, grinning. He saw the matching, vulpine expression on his lover’s face.” I’ve said this before, but really, Santi has never been more turned on in his life. And Wolfe knows it. Santi: OMG you killed me a dragon, I love you! Wolfe: Why, yes, I did. I expect to be rewarded with sex.

And this is the moment that Zara picks to try to talk Santi out of siding with Wolfe. Very bad timing, Zara.

I think this might be an honest statement of Zara’s feelings here. As we’ve discussed in threads that are impossible to find on this hellsite, Zara probably doesn’t know exactly what Wolfe went through. She’s just seen how it’s affected Santi: “I’ve watched you drag yourself through hell for him.” Of course, even without that, she dislikes Wolfe and doesn’t consider him worth risking death over.

Zara also appeals to the oaths Santi has taken. To Santi, the Library already betrayed him, so it’s not a betrayal to go against those oaths now. But Zara has no reason to feel the same. This is also the last appeal she can think of to make: if he isn’t convinced by the risk or by the idea that Wolfe isn’t someone worth fighting for, maybe an appeal to his sense of honor might work.

Santi gives Zara a chance to change her mind. He is either very confident that she cares too much about him to shoot, or he cares so much about her that he’s willing to let her shoot him. Maybe some of both.

Just in case Santi’s devotion to Wolfe wasn’t really, really clear: “I would go to the lowest depths of hell for him.”

Here’s another part that could read more than one way: “It would be unkind of him to lie to her. He would never choose her over Wolfe. Best she understand that now, at the end of all this.” Santi and Zara might have a purely platonic friendship that is strong enough that she could reasonably expect he would choose that friendship over his relationship with Wolfe. Santi and Zara could have a platonic friendship with Zara hoping it might turn romantic. Maybe there was a romantic or sexual relationship between Santi and Zara, and she hoped to become his primary partner instead of Wolfe. Regardless, this is an ending for Santi and Zara. She forces a choice between her and Wolfe, and there’s only one way that can go.

A rare public display of affection for Wolfe and Santi. Hugs! They’re getting more comfortable with showing affection in front of the kids.

“Santi pulled his lover close, and in this quiet moment before everything began, and ended, he was happier than he’d been in years.” This could be about Zara: the tension between her and Wolfe might have been weighing on Santi a lot. But it’s more than that, I think. Ever since Wolfe disappeared, Santi has been pulled in different directions by conflicting loyalties. There was his company, the Library, and Wolfe, and they weren’t all on the same side anymore. With Zara’s departure, Santi has severed the last tie that held him back from committing to a single side, and he feels much better that way. He, Wolfe, and his company are all working to reform the Library.

Santi’s company, or at least the portion of it joining in on the rebellion, is 500 soldiers. There are 500 Elites. Santi mentioned seeing multiple Elite companies, so those must be smaller than regular High Garda companies.

They have 5 troop carriers, and Glain says those can hold 50 if they crowd people in, so 10 to a carrier.

Now that Santi doesn’t have the Library pushing him to violate his ethical principles, here he is insisting on them in his first orders as rebel commander. Protect civilians, minimize killing.

Santi is perfectly happy to negotiate a temporary truce with the smugglers. Again, avoiding violence where possible and focusing on the goal.

There is a second dragon automaton almost complete in the workshop.

Morgan is gasping for breath and struggling to walk. How much of this is just the drug’s effects, how much is from her fighting it to access her power?

Morgan had a little bird automaton from Thomas to comfort her the first time she was trapped in the Iron Tower. Now the Archivist is attacking with birds. Maybe not deliberate, but still, ouch.

But then Morgan takes a bird back. Reclaiming the symbol and killing Gregory with it.

Also on a thematic note, here’s a case of lack of imagination being a villain’s downfall. One of the things that separates our heroes from the villains is imagination, and now we’re seeing imagination prevail.

The drug was somehow ties to Gregory himself. He goes down, Morgan gets her power back. But then she immediately overuses it and feels the paths inside her “scorch in painful streaks.” She’s at risk of corrupting herself again.

Morgan feels love for Jess, and is confident in that love. It’s a very powerful feeling, inspired by his insistence on protecting her. Of course, they’re all also about to die. Kids, kids, please consider the effect of adrenaline on your emotions. All of you.

It’s not explained, but why do I suspect that it was Annis who talked Eskander into joining the battle? She’s right there with Eskander.

Working together, the Obscurists can wield a lot of power. But what about the risks? Is the danger of corruption balanced across the group? Are some more at risk than others?

Santi’s soldiers have the Archivist and Curia trapped. The Archivist gets away with Zara. Who else escapes with him? Jess isn’t paying attention.

So Zara’s face was dark in Paper and Fire. Now it’s pale. The green eyes stay consistent, at least.

Santi is very upset by Zara’s reappearance and rescue of the Archivist. He’s “sickly pallid.”

Wolfe calls Jess “son” and tries to comfort him. Dad Wolfe!!!

Santi, Anit, and Morgan are also there with Jess. He still feels alone. In particular, he doesn’t feel that Morgan’s presence is comforting, even though she is being her usual affectionate and caring self. Brendan is too big of a loss.

Annis can write scripts to amplify voices. It’s Eskander who activates it, though. A lot of collaboration between Annis and Eskander here.

As soon as he gets a chance, Eskander goes looking for his long-lost son. I wish we got to see this reunion between them more closely.

Santi encourages Khalila to consider leadership as a career path. Nudging her toward becoming Archivist in the future, if not right away.

Battle injuries: Thomas has a broken leg. Wolfe’s arm is injured, but not badly enough to keep him from taking Brendan’s body. Dario was beaten badly enough that he couldn’t walk. Santi has unspecified wounds in need of Medica treatment. Everyone has some cuts and scrapes and such.

This letter says the old Archivist has one-third of the High Garda on his side. Within Alexandria or outside? They weren’t there for the battle in the arena.

[erza155-writes]

Author Commentary: Taste of forever

So, after a whole year of tormenting myself & the homies, I have finally published the NHS x JL fic that has been occupying prime brain real estate.

It would be better to read it before you subject yourself to this author commentary, but if you’ve read it already, commentary below!

I’ve been writing this story on and off for like a year now, and well…. Yeah. It’s been a thing. I’ve kinda had fun because I don’t know if anyone else has done this yet, but here we are!

This pairing has been living in my head rent free for a hot minute, but it was originally inspired by a scene in chapter 8 from A bit of ruthlessness by Jirluvien on ao3. It’s a xicheng fic, but this throwaway interaction between these 2 sparked something within me, I taunted my friend with it, wrote an initial concept that got way too long and unmanageable and then took the cowards way out by writing this. I haven’t linked it as inspired by A bit of ruthlessness on ao3 cause I still need to ask permission from Jirluvien because I’m not sure if they’d wanna be associated with all of this.

Anyway, after I initially thought of it, I was like ‘yo is there fic for this’ & surprise surprise, fucking nothing. So I tool it upon myself to craft the narrative I wanted to witness. But as I publish this, it is the 3rd fic in the tag, so maybe there is hope yet!

This is still only the first half after various edits. I had to split it in half because NHS pov is different from JL pov.

So the story starts at 9:46pm on January 19 2021 when I text my friend:

I just wrote the outline for a Nie Huaisang/Jin Ling fic and titled it after that one Icarus meme playlist; Pretty Fly for a white guy

I'm about to cry

There is so much that is ridiculous about this 

And no one was able to stop me, so everything kind of snowballed into what I have published. (Hilariously enough, this fic was supposed to be only 500 words long, yet here we are...)

The thing is that I really do unironically love this ship and thinking about it and writing about it. They’re both such fascinating characters with a lot of depth and I was kind of curious as to how a relationship between the 2 of them would develop considering the wealth of trauma and issues between them. But in this verse I chickened out and gave y’all the soft version. But I’m like 5 steps away from writing a ship manifesto for these 2.

I decided to post this commentary here rather than in the author’s note section on ao3 because I have too many feelings, too much to say, and it would probably constitute as cruel & unusual punishment if I subjected people to this without any warning whatsoever. (Can you imagine reading a fic and the author’s commentary is just as long as the fic itself? I’m obviously not going to blaze this trail, but if this becomes the norm, I would be so excited because I love seeing how different everyone’s writing process is!)

Anyway, enough of my infodump exposition, here are my actual comments on the content of the fic!

The title of the fic is from 12345sex by Upsahl because when I was initially writing this, I listened to a lot of her music. I am halfway certain I have a playlist for this fic/verse laying around somewhere, but I am not organized on the very best of days so idk where it is. If I do find it, I would be more than happy to publish it.

I could have titled this story after Moment for life by Nicki Minaj, to really fit the theme, but I didn’t. Because by the time the idea occurred to me, I was already attached to the current title. And also, Nicki’s whole thing.

This story/verse was initially titled: ‘pretty fly for 2 dope guys’ after the offspring song and because when I started planning it, it had a very differnt vibe. At one point, I seriously considered titling it “Kiss, Kiss, Stab” so make of that what you will. 

Anyway, here are the most memorable lines of this story for me.

Jin Ling is trying to be less dramatic than the adults who raised him, but given half the chance, he would push everyone on his list down the very long Koi Tower stairs.

Writing this line was kind of fun because immediately after I finished typing it, I kinda did a little villain cackle because I’m assuming that Jin Ling doesn’t know how cruelly ironic this statement is.

His name on Nie Huaisang’s lips becomes an achingly beautiful sound; the chirping of birds in spring lifting his mood, the rushing of lakes in summertime cooling him to bearability, the rustling of autumn leaves granting him a small moment of private reprieve, a winter hearth crackling and bringing warmth to his bones.

Ok so i actually had to google autumn sounds cause I don’t experience that, but everything else was courtesy of my reading experiences. Additionally, I’m 93% sure that ‘bearability’ isn’t an actual word, but fanfiction is meant to be transformative, so I am absolutely going to stretch my artistic license in this one instance.

Speaking of which, if anyone can recommend autumn themed texts (movies, tv shows, books, music, video game walkthroughs) I would be more than happy to experience them! I don’t think I’ve consumed enough autumn centric media. As long as there is either an English or French translation, I’ll be able to understand it.

Anyway, this is more like a mini journal for my own edification and archiving purposes, but if you actually made it this far, that’s kind of amazing! And thank you for your attention, I hope you have a nice day.

[footballwritersprofile-blog]

Football Fic Writer Profile - Utami (thebluesideofmyworld)

Hello lovely people! We hope that you all are having a great week so far. We meet again in another article, featuring one of the fic writers from the football fandom.

Have we told you before that we felt like there are so many fic writers who were born on February? Here’s another one who was also born on February. On February 14, to be exact.

People, please welcome Utami. And yes, people. It’s her birthday today!

Happy birthday, Utami!

You can find her on her Tumblr ( @thebluesideofmyworld )  where she posts her M/F fics, or you can also go to her AO3 account where she posts her slash fics.

Now let’s refresh our memories about her writing by reading an excerpt from one of her fics

She curled up on her couch, staring at the TV without really looking at it. It was one of her favorite TV shows, yet she could not seem to get excited about it anymore.

Her phone went off. Mats name flashed on the screen. She stared at it for a while, the ringtone sounded so loud, too loud in the living room.

After a while the phone went silent again.

She stared at her phone, thinking that maybe Mats would just be like the other people. Those people who would leave her anyway at the end.

(People always left her anyway. No one wanted to stay with her anyway.)

(Can You Hold Me)

Utami is originally from Indonesia, but she has been in the US since 2013 to do a postgrad degree in Environmental Engineering. She is currently having a massive crush on Asa Taccone, the vocalist from Electric Guest, and spends her times listening to songs from Troye Sivan and Fall Out Boy while waiting for Voltron S05 to be released. She is a supporter of Manchester City and Real Madrid. Those of you who might have checked her blog out would not be surprised to find that her favorite player is David Silva.

She started writing by writing her thoughts in a diary since she was 8 years old, because she said that it had always been easier for her to express what she felt by writing it. In late 2009, she found a fansite for a talent show in her country where she found some fanfics posted there. Out of curiosity, she tried to post the first chapter of a fic there. She ended up writing more and more for that fandom. She said that even though the fandom faded out slowly after the talent show ended, she would still remember it as her first experience in writing fics.

Writing is something that she enjoys because she said that it’s really a good way for her to express herself. She has always had a wild imagination since she was a kid, probably because she loved reading so much. She often has imaginary scenes and conversations in her head, and writing them out is something she find to be soothing. “Lately, I also try to remember what my therapist once told me, that I should see writing as a self-care method and coping mechanism for me, as I feel through writing, I can be a better version of myself.”

Even though she has been watching football ever since she was a kid, the first time she encountered football fics was in 2012. She read the fics and started wondering whether she could also do one. In December 2012, she decided to give it a try, and her first football fic was about David Silva with an OFC. “I cringed whenever I read it,” she said. “I changed the POV every 2 paragraphs, the dialogue was unnatural, and the description was so so bland.” However, she said that it was her fic that was written in English so she felt like it’s something that she should be proud of.

Besides one-shot, she also used to do requests where she would write 100-word drabble based on a song requested by someone. “I love the challenge of trying to understand the meaning behind the songs, then put it into a limited number of words,” she said. Since 2015, she also started writing slash fics. She personally found that it had a different kind of challenge. “In slash fics, the pairing usually already had some sort of chemistry that’s shown through their interactions in real life. So the real challenge is how to put those chemistry into words.” Besides the football fandom, since last year, she has also written for the riordanverse fandom. For this fandom then, she said that there is another kind of challenge, which was how put the characters into her story and head-canon without making them OOC.

Her inspirations mainly come from songs, and music videos. Whenever she found a song that she liked, she would look up the meaning of that song and try to analyze each line of the song. “I love MVs that have some sort of story line,” she said. “Some of my fics for the riordanverse fandom were inspired by MVs, like Wildfire from Seafret, and First Time He Kissed a Boy by Kadie Elder.”

Once she gets an idea for a fic, she will jot down some things that she thought would be essential in the fic in her journal. Music is a big must whenever she writes a fic, along with a cup of coffee. One of her strategies in writing is by making herself write at least 500 words every day. She finds it to be quite effective, especially when she is working on a multi-chaptered fic.

While she really enjoys writing fluff, she said that she can’t write some angst. According to her, real life is already hard enough, so she doesn’t want to put more sadness into something that supposed to be an escape. She particularly loves AU fics. “It takes quite a lot of imagination to put the characters into a whole different set of universe, yet you still have to write them as who they really are canonically. I enjoy both reading it and writing it.” When it comes to the kind of AU that she likes, she said that she is a sucker for Soulmate!AU fic and Coffee Shop AU (Well, considering that she drinks at least 4 cups of coffee a day, we was not really surprised about this).  She also mentioned that one of her favorite tropes is Fake Dating. She told us that one of her fics that she’s most proud of is The Thin Line. “It’s about  David/Joe which is one of my favorite pairings, it’s an AU fic, and it’s a fake dating one. And somehow I managed to squeeze in Fernando Torres to give a shovel talk in the fic.” Here’s an excerpt of that fic:

David looked up at Joe and his eyes were wide and warm. But the look in those caramel eyes were a mix of longing and sincerity and something vulnerable. Joe absently thought whether it was the same kind of look that David found in his eyes. Joe cupped David’s cheek with one hand, gently ran the pad of his thumb over David’s jaw. They were still swaying along with the music but their feet moved slower and slower, like the way the final notes of a symphony faded away before it ended. He slowly leaned forward and everything was starting to blur into slow motion. Joe could see each and every single one of David’s lashes. A little part of his mind realized that at some point they had stopped moving but at the moment Joe also felt like they were inside an invisible bubble, mist and cloud around them. Joe stopped moving right when the tip of his nose touched David’s. David’s breathing was warmly ghosting, almost like teasing, against his skin.

David’s eyes fluttered closed and his hands slid up Joe’s neck, threading his fingers between Joe’s curls. Joe closed his eyes but behind his eyelids he saw the cherry red of David’s cheeks, the rosy red of David’s lips.

In her writing, some of the lines can come in such a lyrical, almost poetical way, even when she was only using simple words. For example, let’s have a look at an excerpt from one of her fics here:

They were close enough that their shoulders sometimes brush each other. But the silence between them stretched like an unbearable distance.

They were so close, Marco could reach out for her hand to hold it.

He didn’t.

(He knew he wouldn’t be able to let it go had he done it)

She never asked him to stay anyway. So Marco left.

(That night Marco dreamt about winning the Champions League with Real Madrid. He won the cup and brought the cup home with him. The home was big and beautiful but it was empty. Marco hated the dream)

(Dream)

Utami said that one of her biggest insecurities in writing is her English. She said that she always finds her grammar is all over the place, especially when it comes to tenses. She also admitted that she felt her vocabulary is really limited, and she often scared whether she’s using the right word with the right context. “But I guess, one of the ways that I can do to improve is by reading even more and just keep on writing,” she said.

At the moment, she is working on two fics for the riordanverse fandom, in which one of them is a Musician!AU. She also mentioned that she has started a Creative Writing challenge last year, and she is considering to continue the challenge this year for the football fics.

We asked her for one tips she would like to share with us, and this is what she gave us.

The best way to improve in writing is just by doing it. It would be much better if you like, really write something, anything, other than just keep on saying that you want to write. Start small. Having 100 words scribbled on a piece of paper is still much better than nothing.

Well people, it has been a great pleasure to know more about Utami. And we hope that you also enjoy it as much as we do!

And as always. Let’s close this with another excerpt from one of her works, that she claimed to be one of the fics that was really dear to her

“So,” James said as they both standing on the pavement. “Well… It was… Nice…” he said, turning his head to look at David.

“Uh. Yeah,” David said, nervously smiled back at James.

His heartbeat started racing like crazy.

Thump thump thump.

He couldn’t do this. He shouldn’t do this. It was barely two weeks ago he had his heart broken. He was not ready for this.

(What was this, anyway?)

( The Color of the Sky)

[singt0me]

"Pick a passage of 500 words from one of my fics" I dunno if this is 500 words, but the part in chapter 3 of After when Minho and Gally are talking about leaving Paradise in one of the cars (Also, I'm gonna say now that After is one of the best if not the best fics I've ever read. Out of any pairing or any fandom. It deserves alllllll the awards!)

Sup! This got longer than i thought it would so under the cut :) 

(I apologise in advance for any dumb typos im v sleepy but i have no one to blame but myself so LETS GO)

Hello! First of all,  AAAHH thank you so much!!!! this fic is like my baby, as dramatic as that sounds - it’s the first thing i wrote for tmr and the first thing that was 50k, so it holds a special place in my heart and it means a lot to hear people say that :D

Ok so that scene. I’ll tell you what’s in my head both past and present. Present is good fucking god i need to edit this fic there are so many embarrassing typos people are READING this!!! Past was jesus christ they need to get to the beach already so that this can be close to done because, at that point, it honestly felt like i had been writing this forever. I can’t imagine how published authors feel, having to write 2 to 3 times that amount in less than half the time but I’d hope to find out someday yay aspirations.

What was going through Minho and Gally’s heads are both similar and very different. I think they both feel quite trapped at this point.

For Gally, he feels like he’s trapped in paradise more so than min and thomas and anyone else because he’s never seen what the world looks like beyond their little community. I like to think that the gladers’/the girls’ memories come back slowly and in fragments, sometimes intermingled with each other and scattered (those who didn’t choose to get their full memories restored at the beginning of tdc) and it would probs be pretty frustrating for them. All through After gal’s been dealing with these scattered memories of his life before WICKED, mostly memories of his father’s death that he hasn’t been able to get a solid grip on, but knows it has something to do with the ocean. he thinks going to to beach will help piece things together and give him some closure. and it does (i think it does. did it? it’s been a while wow i need to edit this fic)

For Minho: he’s flipping the fuck out. He feels trapped in Paradise becasue he’s been on scouting missions and knows full well what’s outside their community - i.e. very dangerous people who only tolerate their existence under the agreement that they leave each other alone. 

Think Mad Max. The Walking Dead, Terminus era. Post-Apocalyptic cannibals. yah.

And then gally has to go and be like “hey babe lets go on a holiday.” which, at that point, is by far the worst idea anyone could have had, in minho’s opinion, as he’s still recovering from the whole experience. He calms down some when gally tells him he has no intentions of actually going into the city, though. 

Side note: “I mean we can. We have transport.” He cocks a head at the red Wagon they’re sitting on. “And I’m not talking going to the Grand Canyon or anything. We’d need a boat for that …” They were originally supposed to find a berg early on in the fic and actually go to the grand canyon, but then i was like “if they have a berg and they’re using it for field trips, then whats the point of being isolated from the rest of the world to start over? idk what i was thinking.

For gally, leaving the community for a bit and going to see the ocean is something he needs more than wants at this point in the fic, and minho can most definitely see this, which is one of, if not the biggest, defining reason that he agrees to go, even if the thought terrifies him and boy, does it ever. 

Also quickly, in terms of minho and gally together and their building relationship at this point in the fic; i felt like they needed to get the heck out of there. It’s still not the healthiest – it’s by far tons better than it was previously – but they were getting too comfortable in this little bubble that they’d created, the honeymoon phase if you will, after the somewhat rocky period ended. But they still have walls up, they’re still not communicating as best as they should, and i felt like paradise was choking the ability to do so out of them. 

This is getting pretty long and i need to go to bed so i’m going to stop here before i start to ramble but yes! i hope that answers something! a while ago i was planning on writing a side fic on what happened in the city/how min found out about newt and idk maybe i’ll actually do it one day. I do miss this verse! 

Thanks! 

ask me totally self-indulgent questions

[seladorie]

If you're still interested in doing the 500 words thing! It was so hard to pick because I probably reread Reverberation at least once a week, but also I'm weak for ROMANCE and COMMUNICATION so from the last chapter of Take Heart from " “I think we should talk about that,” Prompto says." to " That took a month. Like, the idea of you and me just being a thing. All the time.” " Which is a little over 500 words, but I agonized over choosing which portion to send this scene is just So Much

“I think we should talk about that,” Prompto says.

So this is like... such major process for Prompto. He stepped away just now, came back, and opens up discussing what the fuck just happened. And it’s awkward because this kind of shit is soooo fucking awkward. 

“Yeah,” Gladio says.

Gladio is also a little blind-sided. LIke just these two lines, I love them so much because how do you start this conversation? Diving in balls deep that’s how

“So, that’s, um. You’re thinking that we’re going to be together for a while?”

Without even looking at Gladio, he can still feel the intensity of his stare. “Right. And you’re thinking we won’t make it to even telling anyone.”

“Right.”

Ahhh this exchange. Just. They’re both clarify how on the wrong page they are. They’re not even on the wrong page. They’re on the WRONG FUCKING BOOK. 

“Alright,” Gladio says. Then, “Come back to bed. Watching you stand on the edge of your own room is painful.” He pulls down the covers, and Prompto shuffles back in between them.

Gladio here is desperately trying not to freak out, and Prompto is fidgeting in his own doorway, which helps him calm down... a little. Momentarily. It doesn’t help for long

“So,” Prompto begins and stops, not knowing where to go from there.

“So,” Gladio echoes. Just a few minutes before, they had been languishing intertwined with each other. Now, Gladio’s body is a tense line on the bed, and whether he means to or not, becomes utterly unapproachable. Prompto can’t imagine touching him right now. Perhaps getting back into bed was a bad idea.

Yeah, at this point, Gladio is thinking that Prompto doesn’t even want to be with him. Like, that didn’t sink in, when he invites Prompto back to bed, but now he’s going, “wait, does he want to break up with me???” Not a happy bed to be in at this moment

He’s still a little surprised at the anger of Gladio’s voice. “You don’t have to be dating me if you don’t want to. If you just want to break up with me, don’t drag it on. Just do it.”

Gladio is fortunately, pretty good at letting us in on his thoughts. Also--and i’ve said this before--it was important to me to show Gladio getting upset. Because you get upset in relationships! you don’t say the right or supportive thing all the time! this is hurting gladio too and he’s a person in this relationship! they have to work it out! i see some fiction sometimes wher eone person is. supportive all the time, and if they’re not, I see people giving them shit for not being supportive all the time and i. hate that. i am not a good or kind person all the time. it’s inhuman to be perfect all the time. and that’s not how relationships work

“I don’t want to break up with you!” Prompto denies immediately.

this part also forces prompto to say what he wants from the relationship, which has been desperately needed

i really like people have to verbalize what they want can you tell

Gladio, scowling and glaring, sits up from the bed, leaving Prompto to feel vulnerable and small, so he follows suit.

“If you didn’t want to date, you should have said so earlier, like before we started dating.”

hurt people hurt people *shrugs*

“I do want to date you!”

i imagine that prompto hasnt’ said this outloud before

“Well, it doesn’t fucking seem like that, does it?” Gladio yells, and yeah, Prompto regrets getting back into bed. “You’ve been so insecure this entire time, maybe I shouldn’t have bothered if you think we’re not going to last!” He regrets it a lot.

see? accusation. not what you’re supposed to do, but it happens because gladio’s only human and he’s hurting too

“Well, it’s fucking weird to already think about forever!” Prompto yells back.

“We’ve already known each other for years—”

“We’ve only been dating for a month! It’s too soon!”

“BUT I ALREADY KNOW!” Gladio bellows. The anger on his face contorts suddenly to surprise and fear, and Prompto gapes.

Hahahahahahaaha i love this moment. Just. Gladio’s been pretty much love at first sight, right? (Or at least in the prequel love at first actually paying attention to Prompto.) And while we know Prompto’s POV in this fic about how their relationship develops, remember that Prompto doesn’t really speak his anxieties that frequently, so this convo is a big old surprise to him

“I mean—shit,” Gladio says. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

He was gonna to deny it but--first off why bother, and second of all, Gladio doesn’t shy away from his feelings in this fic. He feels wha the feels and he means it

“Yeah,” Prompto says. They both sit quietly on the bed for a moment. “Really?”

Prompto still has to check. Even after that

Gladio sighs, and says, a little bitingly, “Even if I say yes, would you believe me?”

Again, going back to the--Gladio is also hurt here,so he’s not being the nicest he could be. But once I realized this is what he would say, it just solidified the rest of this scene

Of course I would, he thinks, and stops. Because it’s not true. “Probably not,” he admits. “I would need time.”

HELLO CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT HELLO PROMPTO UNDERSTANDING THAT HE’S SHIT AT BELIEVING PEOPLE CARE ABOUT HIM AND KNOWING WHAT HE NEEDS

MY BOY

Gladio snorts, voice still with a mean edge to it. “Time? How much time do you need?”

Prompto ignores the tone, and answers truthfully, “I don’t know. Until it becomes normal, I guess.”

They quiet again, sitting side by side, just a little more relaxed. “What do you mean, become normal?” Gladio asks.

How does Prompto describe his certainty before they hooked up that no one would want him? That, when they were fucking, he was sure it was for convenience, not genuine interest in an awkward failure of a niff immigrant. He’s too anxious, too scrawny, and too worthless. There’s a part of him that can never shake the idea that he’ll never be good enough. Not for Insomnia.

Note that immigrants often have additional pressure to be perfect beause they have to justify their existence. 

When Gladio said he wanted to date him the first time, it shifted Prompto’s view of the world, and of the possibilities laid out for him in life. He had to think about, not just because of his traumatic, near-death experience. Readjusting what he could have had been hard.

Prompto never thought anyone would really like him enough to want to deal with him on a regular basis. Like sure, there was Noctis, but he had so many other things going on, Prompto’s presence wasn’t inflicted on him that often. Also, how long do you think it took Prompto to not think Noct was just pitying him (remember that in this verse, Prompto doesn’t become friends with Noct via weird Oracle interference)

“I mean when… when I get used to the idea that this is something I can have,” Prompto says, looking away from Gladio as he persists despite the knots twisting themselves up in his chest. “I was just becoming okay with our relationship. That took a month. Like, the idea of you and me just being a thing. All the time.”

I always tend to...s hy away from jargony terminology in my stories, because I want people to explain things like anxiety and shit in a way that feels real, and not like you’re reading a text book. It’s important to me that Prompto flounders and finds the words for how he feels about this wihtout this becoming an educational seminar.

Ahhhhh, that was a good scene. Thanks for the ask, boo

[simkjrs]

msa ch3 asks

Anonymous said: I love how msa Izuku comes across as an honest to god cryptid: can't see his face, absolutely the kind of person you'd find at a gas station at 3 am, doesn't want attention, most likely distant cousins with Mothman

msa au is just me fulfilling all of my ‘protagonist is a cryptid’ dreams by making msa izuku as cryptid as possible. favorite character archetype: cryptid 

Anonymous said: so the msa au is my life right now thank u for that & I just read through the update twice so thank you for that x2 and I had to go back and look for Izuku and Kirishima's deal when it came up again and realized oh hey Kirishima agreed not to try and stop Izuku from leaving after 3 minutes and they didn't put a time limit on that i wonder if that'll come up again (& then my brain jumped to Izuku using that Forever. "we had a deal" every time it comes up. he cannot be stopped bc kiri promised)

got it in one!! izuku will abuse the wording of that deal forever if he can. good eye! 

Anonymous said: relatability of msa izuku: trying, doesnt trust feds, inability to sleep, ready to jump out 4th story window at a moments notice, anti-attention-

that’s msa izuku living the cryptid life of his dreams

Anonymous said: So wait you don't have to answer this if it's a spoiler but the collarbone blood tattoo™ is what's making deku's existence confusing to electronics, maybe?

yep, you got it! normally izuku is able to keep his presence from overtly affecting the electronics around him but scripting really starts messing with them. 

Anonymous said: quirkless msa deku anon and can i just say that deku looking eraserhead straight in the eye with lie detector policeman there and him saying "i don't have a quirk" and said policeman not detecting a lie is arguably the best thing i have thought of today.

tsukauchi:  tsukauchi: wh  tsukuachi: how did you even do all of [gestures at ch2 events] that without a quirk?  izuku: it’s a special talent of mine.

Anonymous said: I just read chapter 3 and oh my god oh my god oh my god. Your Izuku is who i aspire to be 24:7. Like everything he says makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time. You did good. <3

haha we are all aspiring to izuku’s levels of impromptu sass. im glad you liked the new chapter! 

Anonymous said: I'm probs rlly late cuz I Love in GMT+1 which means 9 HOURS of difference but I love your writing. Man, dude, being from beyond time and space, you always manage to create the perfect harmony between comedy and suspense that has you giggling while trying to figure out the mysteries of the universe. Just. OH BOI.

this ask is so funny and sweet at the same time. i love you 

@arinrowan said: it's kind of ironic that msa!izuku is exactly the kind of person who would benefit from friendship with/interacting with canon izuku.

msa izuku would benefit from friendship in general but you’re right. he needs the kind of quiet but aggressive support that canon izuku gives 

Anonymous said: Cuz I'm trying to see if I can figure this out, by "told me about Kamino Ward", does that mean that Izuku tipped kirishima that that was where bakugou was? How did he know tho, did baku's spirit go to him and tell him that? Did izuku actually play a part in the rescue???? So many questions

THE ANSWER TO ALL OF THESE... [spoiler alert] is actually ‘yes.’ more soon...

Anonymous said: when they start asking questions abt kamino ward at some point he just gets fed up and says "I JUST DID IT BECAUSE THE GODDAMN CAT WOULDNT LEAVE ME ALONE. I DONT EVEN LIKE BAKUGOU" and the heroes are like :0? what if, we brought bakugou here?

izuku doesn’t even acknowledge that the kamino ward incident happens it’s like theyre just talking to a brick wall 

Anonymous said: Izuku has no control over his own sass anymore and it's glorious?? Says "that'll be 500 yen" and looks surprised at himslef, says "now it's 600 yen" and looks downright mortified, the sass is too much for his smol body, sassmaster izuku ftw

to quote @salvainterra, “i love the fact that izuku never stops even when he himself thinks he should stop.” izuku listens to every nonviolent intrusive thought that crosses his mind and it both incredible and unfortunate. izuku is no longer bound by human limits 

Anonymous said: msa izuku is the living embodiment of the "fuck this shit im out" song

ABSOLUTELY

Anonymous said: tbh when msa chapter 3 said that izuku slept 12 hours at nighteye's office, i was guessing that he would just passive aggressively sleep as much as possible for as long as they had him. won't give them the satisfaction of watching him wander around in his holding cell. hes in the middle of the interrogation and he puts his head down and goes to sleep (btw love your work!)

haha no he was just so exhausted he passed out for 12 hours. he hasn’t had a good nights sleep in weeks, as soon as all [gestures at ch2] this was over he just crashed 

Anonymous said: Wow the new chapter is great!! Stellar as always. I can't help but imagine what's going on from Izuku's point of view with the spirits. Am I the only one who thinks Aizawa's spirit was trying to apologize or something when Izuku talked about not being forced into anything?

there was definitely some spirit stuff happening... i will say that aizawa’s fox spirit is the one who asked/persuaded izuku to tell aizawa what was Up with his quirk 

Anonymous said: tbh i want to see them question izuku with a lie-detector quirk or something. like he'll say something positively ridiculous and everyone's gonna go "wait wtf he's telling the truth??!!?!!?!?!?!?"

hoho... well... buddy im not gonna say anything... 

Anonymous said: Hello! I found your works recently and have an insane amount of time in the past few days going through it all, cause is all beautiful. I want to scream at you about all of them but you only get so many words with this so I'll focus on msa rn and I read chapter 3 of msa last night and since then I've been switching laughing at Izuku's sass, crying cause Izuku has so much angst involved him and I just wanna hug him, and screaming cause whAT WAS THAT CLIFFHANGER?!! Just what. Thanks for ur works-A

THANKS, thats the kind of reaction i aim for when i write something. im super happy you liked it!! <3 

Anonymous said: Technically his quirk is "Being alive" or "Having a functioning body" but saying that would probably end with the same blank stares. As a side note, in the manga (and canon in general) they mentioned quirks are activated by the 'quirk factor energy' or whatever... Do you think that might mean that people who are quirkless just don't naturally have enough quirk energy to activate their latent quirks? it would also make some sense from an evolutionary standpoint, the glowing baby is from the first

generation that had enough of the qfe to actually manifest their quirk and after that generation the lowering number of quirkless could be attributed to those that have a deficit in the production of said energy and they might actually have latent quirks. The pinky toe missing could be the final mutation that causes them to have enough energy for their quirks to work.. The only issue with the theory I see is OFA not awakening latent quirks with it's energy jumpstart...

i think that’s a pretty good theory! it lines up pretty well w/ the worldbuilding in msa. as for afo, :3c

Anonymous said: Hey uh.. I know this is probably 100% non canon in your AU but I was re-reading your MSA fic and I misread something that made me think that Izuku is actually dead and his body is actually being run by his guardian spirit who possessed his body/took his place when he died... *sweats* Its a really weird.. dark idea but I thought it was sorta cool and you might like it..? um.. I'll just let myself out now

god yeah that would be so dark and everything in msa would actually be even worse than it was before 

Anonymous said: When deku explains nighteye's quirk i can only think of that's so raven.

theyre valid questions... 

Anonymous said: I spent my break reading the asks sent to you RE: chapter 3 of msa and I cannot stop fucking laughing over "look eraserhead dead in the eyes and tell him you don't have a quirk" thank GOD I'm supposed to be happy and smiley to everyone

honestly, this is conceptually such a powerful moment that i can’t not put it in the fic now 

Anonymous said: msa izuka finally get set free but kiri has started following him around. States its official hero business but really just wants to see what other "cool shit" izuka will do.

izuku pulls an Official Cryptid Move (tm) and disappears while walking thru a liminal space 

Anonymous said: i love that when aizawa starts asking about deku's quirk he's like, 'screw this i'm answering in riddles now'. this is such a great fic!!

Anonymous said: “It’s a secret,” he says. “A secret that no one knows, that one will suffer, and one-half loathes. Who knows if it’s true or not? The only thing we can confidently say is that it’s one thing that should not be.” Okay, so this is probably one of my favourite little scenes from your fic, partially because it sounds so ominous and badass and makes pretty much no sense. I loved your update, I was so tense the entire time I was reading it, but also giggling hysterically because /Izuku/ just - Izukus

hmm i sure do wonder where izuku got that riddle from... and what it means... 

this riddle is just izuku complaining about everything because as long as he’s in this situation, he might as well make it perfectly clear how unhappy he is about EVERYTHING. when else is he going to have an audience for him complaining about his various maladies 

Anonymous said: I think that a part thats particularly true to izuku's character is when kirishima makes the observation "damn maybe it IS good we arrested him so he can sleep" & izuku goes into a miniature coma for 12 hours bc being arrested presented the perfect opportunity for him to finally be able to sleep

nfdfsljndslfnjdf YEAH, everyone please stop this child it’s for his own good 

Anonymous said: Reading know what i've made by the marks on my hands is really terrifying when not in Izuku's pov because you now know how scary?? it is for some other characters and Izuku looks crazy-- but you know he's not because cheesus???? This kid???????? Honestly I love it so much, thanks for your amazing writing and I want you to know that I enjoy it a LOT.

that’s the goal... showing how weird and strange and bizarre izuku is from everyone else’s point of view... i loved the outside pov bc i got the chance to show how much of a cryptid izuku is, something that izuku himself isn’t even aware of and thus would not make it into his pov

Anonymous said: anon who ((still)) hasn't read bnha here. chapter 3 of msa is amazing. i cannot get over the sheer amount of sass found in such a smol boy. also kirishima is quickly becoming my favorite character because of how supportive and caring he is. kirishima/deku is apparently now something to add to my armada of ships. for that i thank you. also i cannot wait for deku to meet spirit!one for all. it will either be glorious or horrible.

haha im always happy to introduce someone to the wonders of kiri/deku!! its an extremely good friendship... and in my professional opinion everyone should get on it and make it the Hot New Thing. as for ofa, ;3c

Anonymous said: I just thought of this but during Aizawa's interrogation I could totally see his spirit just blatantly looking away from Izuku while Aizawa is asking about his benefactor.

HAHA YUP, i love izuku saying all kinds of stuff about spirits and no one can make any sense of it and meanwhile the spirits are trying to tell him to stop. but izuku cannot and will not be stopped from passive aggressively vaguing about them. he WILL get his complaints in if its the last thing he does 

Anonymous said: “I just fixed your entire Quirk, you cabbage.” I'm sorry but this. This is beautiful. I'M GOING TO GO AROUND CALLING PEOPLE CABBAGE NOW

i was worried it was a bit of an overused classic internet insult but this is reassuring :p 

Anonymous said: every word that comes out of MSA Izuku's mouth is a blessing

but not to our three heroes and their intrepid intern sidekick... 

Anonymous said: Shit after the msa chapter i've got so many questions about Kamino. Did the rescue occur the same with minor variations? Is AfO still down? Did All Might fckin die? Has OfA been passed down yet? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

im uncreative and unoriginal with canon events so we’ll see.... we’ll see. 

Anonymous said: MSA CHAPTER 4! I just found it today and I'm already rereading it. I did not know how much I needed sassy dead inside izuku. I Love this fic so much! That cliff hanger was so good! I'm so exciting to see more of izuku's pov. I love kiri but like I can't get enough of this izuku and his thoughts and reactions to things. This is so well written. The pacing in chapter 2 was so good. It felt like a heist and then keeping the readers guessing with not knowing if he was gonna get away was so good!

thank you so much!! im really glad you enjoyed the story that much <3 <3 sassy izuku is a pleasure to write honestly, can’t wait to see him more in future chapters 

Anonymous said: Ohhhhhh you should update msa! It's so unbelievably good! I love the interaction between kirishima and izuku! Like I'm so excited to learn more about kamino ward and how that's gonna affect izuku going free and keeping his identy safe

:3c 

Anonymous said: In chalter 2 of the msa au, did Kirishima think anything about how Deku said "I swear to every spirit I know"?

he dismissed it as a kind of weird, niche turn of phrase. like oh, guess this guy believes in spirits and junk, but im more worried about literally every other weird thing he’s done today 

Anonymous said: So does MSA!Izuku always mess with attempts to record his presence? I feel like this would be kind of a major problem when it comes to getting himself a school ID or the like. (He's going to school somewhere, so he must have a school ID stashed somewhere). You know, they could potentially use this to track his identity down. They can try contacting schools to see if any had issues with one student needing to have an excessive number of photo retakes.

nope, usually izuku can keep it under control! the blood sigil on his collarbone is what really let him passively affect the electronics.

Anonymous said: Ok so msa!Izuku says "he shouldn't" exists, and when I first read that I was really confused, do you mean he shouldn't exist in the way that he sees things he shouldn't, or that he literally should not exists and Inko has no freaking clue where he came from/he was not a planned child?

yes to the first proposal. other than that, spoilers... 

[katerbees]

Home- a story featuring Elide and Lorcan post- TOG books.

So this will be a pretty long series. I wanted to do something where Elide and Lorcan were all happy and reconciled but I had trouble getting into that headspace. So I’m starting this out to where we can see if and when forgiveness might happen (spoiler alert: it will I’m total Elorcan trash) because I feel like that’s an important foundation for where this story will end up. I hope y’all like it.

________________________________________

Chapter 1 Perranth. It was everything Elide remembered and more. Ancient oaks grew in vast swathes over the hilly terrain. The air here was fresh, clean, free. When the Lady of Perranth returned to reclaim her Title and Estate, it would be her first order of business to open up the Castle and tear down that damn tower. Vernon’s lackeys had fled when word of Erawan’s defeat and Vernon’s brutal death had spread throughout the kingdom. As such, the castle was in a state of disrepair and full of refuse from the bacchanalian revelry of the soldiers. Elide sighed, peering through the open doorway, her light frame heavy with the burdens she had been forced to carry in her short life.

“I guess I just thought when the war was done we all could finally relax” she loosed a breath as she brought her arms up to remove the pack she had carried. It fell with a thud at her side. She turned up to look at her companion, a Fae male, who towered over her by a solid foot and a half. Lorcan gave Elide a wide berth, unsure of how the return to her childhood residence would affect her.

“Well, at least the castle is empty for now. Although, it probably won’t be for long. As word spreads that the Lady of Perranth has returned, your counsel and protection will be sought out.” Elide arched a brow, “My protection?” Lorcan remained serious, eyes scanning the courtyard, always prepared. “Elide: honorary member of the Ironteeth and Crochan legion. Companion to Queen Aelyn and General Aedion. Who stood with them in the final Battle of Morath and banished Erawan. People will know; stories have already travelled. You do not give yourself enough credit Elide” Lorcan turned to face her. There was more to say. There was always so much more to say between them. But they held back all the words and feelings. Holding back enough to keep it from being real. Because when things were real you could actually could get hurt. Lorcan knew some of that pain. He didn’t think he could even feel pain or terror until a few months ago. When he saw Elide kneeled before Maeve, a dagger to her throat. Lorcan physically shook his head to rid himself of those terrible images which still haunted his dreams. Elide gave a small smile, “I suppose you’re right. I am pretty tough.” She then surprised Lorcan as she reached her had up to touch Lorcan’s inky black hair. They had been on the road for weeks. He suddenly became very self-conscious.  Of everything. Of the dirt covering his body, of the fact that they had finally reached her childhood home, which seemed more like a tomb than a place for a young woman, and of the fact that he wasn’t sure what there was between them; if there was anything between them. After Lorcan’s betrayal of Aelyn and her friends, Elide traveled with the witches while Lorcan traveled with his cadre. They had found and rescued Aelyn. She had died and came back; her mate sacrificing his immortality for her. Then, the battles began. Wave after wave. They were too busy to talk. There were no romantic confessions as they all walked to their potential deaths. There had only been action. When the dust had finally settled, and they all stared at each other in bewilderment, there was still no time to talk. There was no heart to heart. There was planning to do. Territories to manage. Valg to hunt down.

When things finally calmed down, Elide said she was going home. He’d offered to accompany her and she surprisingly hadn’t refused. She also hadn’t been particularly verbose on the trip home. But he could tell by her scent that much of it was due to the fact that she was absolutely exhausted. There was no longer seething anger coming off of her. Just bone weariness and in the back of her mind, worry. Worry about what she would do now that she wasn’t going to be on the run, or hunted, or caged. And now they were here. And now what. He was brought back into the present moment, not even realizing he had been staring off in the distance at that damn tower while Elide was saying something to him. “Lorcan?” she repeated. “Yes?” he finally answered.

“Thank you.” Was all she said. Her hand returning to her side. He wasn’t quite sure if that’s all she had stated before. He had truly been so lost in his own mind that he hadn’t heard anything she had said. __________________

Elide noticed Lorcan’s midnight eyes glaze over and his body begin to shut down as she reached up and touched his hair. She didn’t know why. Was he disgusted by her touch? It had been so long since they had shared that moment in the hammocks before the whole world had gone to total shit. At least before that happened she knew who she was, who her friends were, and had hope. All of that had fled on that blood-soaked beach.

Lorcan had betrayed all of them for her. He had called upon a woman who had promised to kill him, for her. The logical part of her knew that he had risked it all without thinking. He had seen all of Ansel’s ships and panicked. In an instant he had used his powers to shout “Help!” and Maeve had done what she did best: twist something into its basest and most cruel intention.  Yes, Lorcan had meant well, but the consequences were so so terrible, did that even matter? That day she felt actual physical heartache.  Elide was so mad that he betrayed their friends.  Not once, but twice, when Lorcan revealed that Aelyn had two wyrdkeys. She knew that with the blood oath he had to tell Maeve, but Elide also knew that she would have sooner died than betray her friends. However, if she was honest with herself, she also found herself angry for a much more petty reason. How could he ever love a person like Maeve. She had truly felt like she knew who Lorcan was in their short time traveling together. She had been ready to offer herself up to him completely. Her heart, her body, her loyalty, and her home. And on that day, she saw what a person whom Lorcan actually “loved” was like and she felt like she didn’t know anything.  

When it was all said and done though, she didn’t want to travel back to Perranth alone. And she felt like even though she wasn’t sure if she could or would forgive Lorcan, he could start his penance by escorting her back to her home. Even though it hadn’t been a home since before her parents were killed. Indeed it had actually served as a prison to her longer than it had ever been a home. Yet in those marshes, the night she and Lorcan had shared a few passionate moments, she had let herself dream that the two of them could make it one. And now, looking at the castle, the tower, and Lorcan, she just felt like it was all an unbearable load of shit. ———————–

“Of course. It was an honor.” Lorcan replied. It was Elide’s turn to return to the present from where her mind had wandered. She fidgeted with her hands. Lorcan, even though he was over 500 years old, couldn’t predict what her next step would be. Tell him to go to hell? Employ him to keep the castle safe until things calmed own? Forgive him? No—he stopped himself short on that one. He wasn’t foolish enough to hope for that. What he had done was unforgivable. But he was willing to spend the rest of his miserable, lonely life making it up to Elide, if she would allow it. Elide stopped fidgeting with her hands, and grabbed Lorcan’s hands, holding them in between her own. She looked down to where they were now joined.

“I have been thinking this whole time we have been traveling here about what to say to you. I have been imagining what it would be like to return here. And now that we are here, and you are in front of me, i don’t know what to do about either.” The words came flying out of her mouth. She wished she had more eloquent thoughts and words. She didn’t feel like much of a lady at all. She started again.

“I honestly don’t know if I can forgive you. I know you did what you thought was right at the time, but you really hurt me and my friends. There are people whose lives will never be the same because of what you did.  And I’m sorry that I don’t know how I feel about any of this but I don’t. “ Elide raised her head, forcing herself to look him in the eyes. Dark eyes meeting even darker ones. Lorcan stood there, taking it all in. “You don’t owe me anything Elide. What I did was unforgivable and I’m not going to ask anything of you other than the opportunity to serve you. The borders here are not secure yet, and there are still Valg wandering around. Let me be of use to you is all that I ask” Lorcan was straining with every word that came out. Of course he wanted her to forgive him. He wanted to take her into his arms and make her feel safe. But he knew that was not going to happen. He didn’t deserve for that to happen.

Elide gave his hands a squeeze, dropped them, and turned to go in to the castle that had been the scene of the best and some of the worst times of her life. She took a deep breath and called behind her “You can start by bringing my bag inside.” Lorcan almost smiled.  

[siarven]

Tagging Game :D

Thank you so much @jfictitional for tagging me – and I know that it took me incredibly long but I finally found some time and so here are the answers :D

Rules: Answer the ten questions given and write ten new ones for ten other people.

1) What do you consider your most consistent or fruitful source of inspiration?

I’ve got a folder called “Reference and Inspiration” on my laptop and inside are lots of folders with digital and traditional art, writing prompts, short stories and films, photography… on lots of different topics. Some of these are meant as a reference (especially my collection of anatomy references, or stock images or things like that) but most are just things I find inspiring and beautiful. Whenever I want to create something but have no idea what exactly I want to make I look inside that folder and just browse through it, and by now it’s about 38GB big :D

2) Have you ever been surprised by the direction a work in progress took?

YES. All the time, and it doesn’t even matter if it’s writing or painting or sculpting. In my current writing project there was this one scene that was just supposed to be a sort of “transitional” scene of max. 500 words? Only, suddenly it was 11K long and opened a lot of new avenues XD I ended up cutting that scene but took the idea and put it somewhere else where it would create a bit more conflict :) Also I wanted to sculpt a reptile-like creature but now it’s got fur because scales just didn’t seem to work out all that well. Hm. Sometimes WIPs just actually want to become something else xD

3) What is your oldest story idea you have yet to act upon?

Uh… I acted on most of my story ideas, most of the early ones were just really horrible and didn’t get to be longer than a few chapters xD I still have about 4 or 5 first drafts of things that never got even close to finishing (most of them started during NaNoWriMos) and the oldest one of that has at least 300K words invested in it already. As in, I started writing it during NaNo and continued on with that for some time, then I invested some time in the worldbuilding and especially the magic system, then I re-wrote it, and then I put it to rest for some time with the decision to come back to it when I’m better at writing – it’s a very complex story with 12 POV characters that had already developed into a trilogy because it kept getting more and more detailed. It’s kind of difficult to explain but even after four years I still really want to get back to it because it was the first actually kind of “good” idea I had that wasn’t half a knock-off of the latest great book I’d read (which often happened to me when I was younger^^). If I do return to it, I’ll change a lot of the plot. I still love the worldbuilding and magic system though :)

4) Do you try to hold yourself to a particular goal when writing (such as x number of words per day, or hitting a particular plot point before stopping)?

I try to write at least an hour every day which sometimes works nicely… and sometimes not that well. So it’s more of a commitment goal rather than a plot or word goal. I’ve participated in NaNoWriMo and Camp NaNo since four years without skipping even once, and I never wrote less than 50K -- so I know that I can write a lot in a month. Quantity isn’t really my problem, quality is. It usually ends up being rather unsatisfying because I get frustrated with where the plot is going, or with the pacing. So even if I do write 100K or 150K I usually throw that away afterwards and start again, taking only the idea or the characterizations of the characters that I’ve worked out during those drafts. And that is a bit frustrating :P So I’ve stopped caring about word goals, more or less, and now it’s more plot point goals, or finishing chapter X or scene Y before stopping :> At least writing an hour a day if I can manage =)

5) How do you read? (For example, I read the words aloud in my head, and give each character a voice, and cast all the parts, and-)

Hm, I never thought about that! I think I read the words aloud in my head, too, imagining the landscape and the places, how it would feel to be there. I’m a very empathetic reader so I often have to put a book away during a scene that’s too embarrassing or has too much conflict between characters I care about. I have a lot of secondhand embarrassment and usually have to stop reading when something like that happens, or when I can see where a plot goes and really don’t want that to happen. Also, I really don’t like characters that are just black or white cut-outs, good or evil, with no grey morality. And I kind of lost the question here xD

6) If you were to collaborate with someone on a project, who would your first choice be?

I’m actually not sure about that because I’ve got a lot of amazing friends, some of whom aren’t on tumblr in the first place. Probably @romenna because we came up with a horribly amazing dystopian novel parody idea about one year ago … which we still need to write one day XD I’ve never collaborated with someone on a writing project before, though.

7) What is your process for coming up with character names?

In many cases the name is one of the first things I have when I create a character, funnily enough. Or I just go to one of the many name collection lists I’ve saved on my hard-drive. Or I visit one of the many character name generators. Usually I end up slightly changing a generated or found name so I like the sound better, or it fits better into the story that I’m writing. There’s also the name generator on scrivener where you can search for a specific meaning which has been extremely helpful on many occasions :)

8) When your writing is frustrating you, what do you do to blow off steam?

Paint, watch Brooklyn Nine Nine, sing... ignore it for a few days until I can’t any longer :P

9) With so many other things to do in life, why write?

I don’t even know. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t invent stories, it’s been something I do since what feels like forever. Back when I was still really small I sometimes made up bedtime stories for my little brother during summer vacation (when we didn’t sleep in different rooms, on “special” occasions). I also used to tell them out loud to myself, never knowing where they would go but just wanting to find out, when I couldn’t sleep. I still do that when I can’t sleep, but by now I don’t have to talk out loud anymore :P It’s a bit like drawing/painting, I’ve done both  of those things for as long as I can remember and I wouldn’t be myself without them. Part of the reason why I study film (as in 3D Animation and VFX) is because you tell stories using images. Even if I’ve now decided to somehow become a creature concept artist one day (no matter how long that takes or how hard it is… I’ll find a way :D) I’ll never give up writing because of that, and I’ll also never stop working on my stories. It’s always been incredibly difficult for me to decide which one is more important and I still don’t really know the answer so I’ll just do both and find out where that leads me 😊

10) When you finish a story, who is the first person you’d want to show it to?

Especially with the story I’m writing right now that’s @yoojas3d :D She’s incredibly supportive and I’m really happy to be her friend :D Also she read the first draft which is entirely horrible in addition to being the first story I ever finished and a NaNoWriMo non-edited first draft, and she was still supportive of it, even after finishing. She also helped me immensely with her feedback :)

Soooo… Now that I’ve finally managed to answer these questions I need to come up with some new ones for:

@madmooninc, @romenna, @ink--and--paper, @ephirae, @merigreenleaf, @mythopoet-hime, @brynwrites, @goodbibarbarella, @afragilestrongsoul, @yoojas3d

1. What’s the last book that you read/are reading, and do you like it or not? Would you recommend it to other people?

2. Favourite book/ book series and why?

3. Name a character that you love to hate.

4.  If you could switch places with one character, who would it be?

5. Do you prefer to write by hand or computer?

6. What’s the first story you ever wrote?

7. Do you listen to music when writing or not? If yes, instrumental or with lyrics?

8. What’s your favourite writing spot?

9. When do you prefer to write? In the morning, during the day, on commute or during breaks, in the evening or night?

10. What drew you to writing, and what’s keeping you here?

[meanderfall]

//tornadoes thru ur window, completely shattering the glass: for the writer meme, 5 - 6 - 8 - 10 - 15 - 21 - 25 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 34 - 36 - 39 - 45 - 47 - 48 - 49 - aaaand 50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you're like, "okay, i'll write you down u little fucker"? ALSO IM AWARE THIS IS A LOT, LMAOOO

LDJF;KFGSKGF ADRI MY LOVE, MY WIFE, MY KNIGHT, MY SUN AND MOON, THANK YOU OMG, I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A NOVEL OF AN ANSWER LMAO

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

LMAO I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CALCULATED PER HOUR just bc that’s how long my train ride is. So I can do about 400-500 words in 50~ minutes.anyway tbh, I write almost never, but when I do, I try to get around 1000 words done??? that’s usually when i lose steam too. (though i guess if i did 500 word spurts instead throughout the day, i’d get more done) (TO CLARIFY, the only reason it’s so much is bc i only write when I know /exactly/ what the scene is gonna be and im motivated. if u sat my ass down in front of a computer each day and told me to write, I’d probably only get 100 in two hours, less even.)

6.     Single or multiple POV?

I’m a multiple pov hoe. I’ve thought before of writing something in entirely one pov, but tbh i dont think i could do it if the thing is longer that a 2000 word one shot.

8.     Oldest WIP

I HAD TO PULL OUT MY USB FOR THIS GODDAMN

Okay so, my oldest wip ever, is an original story I started in, I think, 2011 and wrote throughout the year. It’s got about 22k words down, but tbh i dont think im ever gonna touch it again.fanfic-wise, my oldest wip is a harvest moon fanfic, that’s around 6k words i think? and i was planning on re-writing it bc i didnt like the characterization of one of the characters and i wanted to fix that, but it’s been like five years now, i dont think it’s ever gonna be done. (I still want to though). (and u can find said wip on my fanfiction.net account)

10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

My guy, i’ve never set a deadline for myself in my entire life. I think I tried to do it once, and i completely let it pass by. (Though the fanfic i mentioned previously, im pretty sure i updated once a week before i fucked up)

15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

I either set it aside (and never pick it up again lmao) and let it stew in the back of my mind until I get something else, oR I POWER THROUGH THIS MOTHERFUCKER, and I’ll probably only write 50 words and hate every single last one of them, but I got it done and it’s better than nothing and hopefully tomorrow i’ll actually have something. (also, sometimes when powering through, what i write ends up inspiring me and im like “oh of course!” and i blaze through it)

21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?in case u havent noticed yet, about 99% of all my characters are snarky to some degree. I need a character with a wry sense of humour, and I’ll usually stay in their pov a lot. The only other character “type” I have are the sunshine pure cinnamon rolls who care and love everyone. Oh, and I guess also the ones who are pissed and bitter at the world at large. (I should.... probably... try to get out of this comfort zone...)

25.  Favourite part of writing

okay tbh, my favourite part is when I’m winding down from a good writing session, and I just feel so proud and alive, because I was productive and I created something with my own two hands and mind, and there are very few things that are as incredible as that imo

27.  Favourite line/scene

okay so this was hard to pick??? not to mention it’s all crap you’ve seen before but whatever.

There’s this one:

“McCreewas abruptly reminded of when he was nothing more than a teen, snarling andfurious at everyone around him, not willing to trust anyone. And he wasreminded of Gabriel Reyes who stayed calm and collected in front of his fury,gently rebuking him when he crossed a line; who praised him when he did welland willingly trusted him to have his back even though McCree didn’t trust him;who seemed to quietly understand why McCree acted in certain ways, accepted it,but encouraged him to choose better. Gabriel Reyes, who had faith in him whenhe wasn’t even sure he liked himself.“

And this one:

“IfWash’s head was a ghost town, then the Meta’s was a fucking wasteland.

Butthe worst part wasn’t the scorched earth and completely lifeless landscape, norwas it the stormy brown clouds above. No, the worst part was the lava that wasslowly inching its way up the mountain. It bubbled and simmered an awful sicklyorange as it creeped up bit by bit, not fast at all, but inexorably to the topof the mountain, going against all laws of physics. It was so awfully wrongthat he honestly felt sick witnessing it. Not helping was the sizzles it madeas it burned through whatever little vegetation there was and (he had no ideawhy he knew this, maybe it was because he was connected to the Meta’s brain?),it felt like the lava was actually gouging the earth, opening cracks andseeping inside, corrupting and destroying what lay within.

Wasthe Meta even a person anymore?”

(I proooobably would’ve picked something from the tuckington au but.... a lot of my favourite stuff is dialogue, or snarky narration, and idk it’s hard to choose and there aint a lot of depth to it)

28.  Favourite side character

OKAY THERE’S THIS ONE SIDE CHARACTER IN ONE MY ORIGINAL STORY IDEAS WHOM I ADORE (even though he has no name yet lmao) BUT HE’S BASICALLY REALLY SWEET AND CARING AND HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE HAPPY AND SUPPORTIVE FOR ALL HIS COMPANIONS BC THEY’RE ALL GOING THROUGH HARD TIMES, BUT IT’S REALLY HARD FOR HIM AND HE’S INWARDLY SUFFERING SO MUCH BUT HE KEEPS SMILING FOR PEOPLE ANYWAY AND FLDG;DKHGFKG I LOVE HIM

29.  Favourite villain

I’m... cheating for this, I’ve never written a villain ever actually (and tbh what the fuck??? how??? i have so many original story ideas and none of them are villains??? what the fuck (maybe the true villains were the friends we made along the way))

okay so, originally, this character was gonna be the villain alright. She was mean, cruel, snarky, cunning, and manipulative. But as time went on, and I started exploring her character, wondering why she was like this, what her goal is, and I changed and shifted the plot of the story around she... sort of... became the main character. woops.

30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

IM ONLY GONNA USE ORIGINAL STORIES FOR THIS BC HOLY SHIT

Honestly, I’d probably have to go with this idea I had of a living person picking up the scythe of a Grim Reaper and becoming one and having to learn the ropes of the job.

Okay, I lied, it might actually be this detective series idea I had, wherein the main character, a police officer, has to investigate cases that, for the most part, are reminiscent, or re-imagined versions, of Quebec folk tales, and she has to figure out why the fuck this is happening.

34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

FIGHTING AND ACTION SCENES I HATE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOD THEY TAKE FOREVER AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING THEM UP HORRIBLY I HATE THEM (I could give u a specific example, but i dont want to)

36.  Last sentence you wrote

“Shut up.”

(this is actually how chapter 2 of my tuckington high school au ends lmao and there’s nothing to gain from it have fun adri)

39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

OH SHIT I ACTUALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, okay so the i have no clue where the idea came from, but for some reason i had this idea of a character who’s mental stability or whatever was linked to these bracelets she wore??? but it was more like she became more primal and animalistic the more bracelets were taken off until she lost all sense of identity, and i think it’s because she was being controlled or used by an organization or whatever. This was just a random idea that I had and okay i know it’s dark af, but it’s honestly the weirdest one. (tbh…. im not sure i have one that could be considered weird…)

45.  How much world building do you do?

all of it. just. all of it. I need to know clothes, food, architecture, cultural norms, the history of the world, how the fuck people can communicate when there are multiple countries and multiple languages, and this is why absolutely none of my original stuff has ever been written

47.  Best way to procrastinate

Day-dreaming scenes and ideas instead of writing them

48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

W O W ADRI U WANNA CALL ME OUT THAT BADLY HUH?

honestly it’s probably that main character/villain i mentioned previously, bc i just gave her all of my self-loathing and she was supposed to sacrifice herself heroically in the end and there was gonna be an entire speech about why she was the right person to do this. (if it makes u feel any better, I’ve modified it so she doesn’t actually die and everyone is like “wtf? NO!”)

also the protagonist in story, i just gave her my depression and general lostness in life. (most... of my characters... start off with a part of me I want to explore, but over time, as I flesh them out, they become their own people, and actually have nothing to do with me anymore tbh)

49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

THAT SWEET CINNAMON ROLL I MENTIONED BEFORE OMG YES, I WOULD PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE

50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you’re like, “okay, i’ll write you down u little fucker”?

*LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY* OH MAN ADRI U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE JUST ASKED DO U OMG WAIT UNTIL U HEAR THIS

okay so u know that story with the cinnamon roll and main character/villain? The basic plot of that story has been in my brain since around 2011. I still haven’t started to write it. (though, to be fair, that story has changed so goddamn much since 2012 holy shit, and for the better tbh)

tbh adri, ur like 80% of my impulse control, and by that I mean you make me impulsive enough to actually write things instead of letting them ruminate in my brain forevermore. Hell, I’ve only started to get back into writing fanfiction because of you, okay, if u weren’t around I’d probably just give up on writing ever, and let the idea of being a novelist be nothing more but a fantasy i daydream about.

[jasonmcgathey]

Riots Of Passage

  Well, like everything else, this book has taken much longer than expected. But Riots Of Passage is finally complete, and now available for Kindle. A paperback version will soon follow at all of your favorite retailers. So though it always feels tremendously awkward, I’m forcing myself to insert a little self-promotion here – although considering it documents a year of living on OSU campus, this book counts as legitimate Columbus history, and so might a little bit about its creation, too.

I finally got around to getting this in shape for publication in December 2017. The first draft was finished clear back in the fall of 1998 and the second in the summer of 2003. More than fourteen years would pass, then, before I even looked at this stuff again. Most of the delay was due to working on other projects, but any time I would think about this book, I was having a tough time mentally sorting out the length and the structure.

For eons I’ve been telling everyone that the campus years would be a trilogy (the first installment, One Hundred Virgins, was published in 2006). But I could never quite figure out a division point that felt right between two and three, so Riots Of Passage ended up being both. The most natural seeming break occurs after coming home from the New Year’s party, and that was always the plan, except I didn’t like where this meant starting off the last book. It would kind of leave the middle book as one long preamble, as just about all of the payoffs seem to happen in the last half of this finished project.

The major cuts all came with this third draft I began in 2017. That second draft from 2003 clocked in at over 900 full size (8 1/2 x 11″, that is) pages, something like 940, whereas the third one came in at exactly 500. So I wound up cutting out or condensing nearly half of the material. But even throughout this process, which took a year and a half almost to the day, I was still kind of stalling on the decision whether to split this into two books or not, telling myself I would know the answer and could make that call when the draft was complete.

But the truth is, you’re never entirely certain you made the right call on anything. In this instance, it felt too short for a pair of books yet too long for just one. It helps considerably with the editing process, though, that I would say – somewhat unexpectedly – that I really don’t care about any of the personal dramas now, stuff which seemed so important at the time. This is one advantage of taking so long to put something together, I suppose. In some instances entire people got the axe, along with subplots which dragged on for a month. The only consideration was whether or not it seemed essential to this central story, and if not, it got the heave ho.

Some of the decisions were pure pacing ones. In the beginning and the end especially, I was going for more of a breezy clip, therefore condensing was unavoidable. This meant that often highly interesting occasions were reduced to single sentences, or maybe even deleted altogether. In two instances I can think of, complete paragraphs which were among my top five favorites, I had to conclude didn’t fit, however painfully, and got rid of them. It sucks, but you can always console yourself with the knowledge that they might find use in other projects down the road.

These decisions, though, make you realize that you can’t really term anything the “definitive” history of an era or a subject. This is just one minuscule slice of history from that time and place. For a while, and this was true of the first book as well, this whole notion of cutting out people completely was bothering me. It feels like you’re trying to alter history based on personal preferences. Except one day I had an epiphany of sorts – I happened to be reading a Civil War book at the time, though it could have been anything – that, you know, they couldn’t possibly mention every single soldier who fought in a war, in the course of the narrative. Attempting to shoehorn in every name even if you have nothing interesting to say would make it clunky and unreadable. This doesn’t make it untrue, or mean that you are attempting to alter history.

One great example of this would occur near the end of this third draft, when I realized that an extremely entertaining cook we worked with at Damon’s hadn’t been mentioned at all. His name just hadn’t come up in any of my writings. Some of his specific episodes I had in my head the whole time, and kept thinking they were going to crop up at some point – after this many years, it’s hard to remember what you included and what you left out of a previous draft – but they never did. Instead of backtracking, though, and attempting to figure out where they belonged, I took this as a sign that these detours probably weren’t needed. And nothing personal against the guy, they just weren’t essential to these particular chapters.

Other times the opposite policy applies, where you figure, you know, I’ve got fifteen scenes at Woody’s in here, or whatever, and these are the ones which felt most crucial. There’s no reason to mention every trip you made to the bar for a solid year. In this sense, some of the lengthier scenes were paradoxically easier to cut out entirely, or categories where I was able to make some kind of broad editorial decision – so for the most part, major concerts, sporting events, and movies attended were easily gotten rid of. Writing sex scenes, too, has always been awkward, and I couldn’t imagine anyone wanted to read about these icky details either.

So it is that, paradoxically, smaller decisions somehow become the most agonizing. These open up philosophical angles that are often unexpected and fascinating. Though this admission might seem monstrous, I can honestly say that while some of the things I did in these pages should bother me, none of it does. Instead what proves cringe inducing is to look back upon what music you were listening to, the dumb stuff you were talking about, and your inane sense of humor at the time.

Somehow we have all grown accustomed to the notion that our clothing and hair choices of the past were usually questionable, and this we are okay with, dismissing them with wry, morbid humor as a fitting commentary on those hilarious times. Other details prove trickier to navigate, however, and among these I would count a) things you no longer find funny, as well as b) things you no longer believe, and c) things you said, but turned out to not be true.

To leave out these sorts of things, you are then wrestling with the notion that you’re trying to make yourself and your friends seem smoother than you actually were at the time. But I think our various personalities are well established and accurate. Omitting some of the goofier, poorly aged wisecracks or whatever isn’t distorting anything. Also, to include them produces the thought, why would I intentionally write a bad book? Sometimes, particularly with point B up above, you can maybe weave around this by explaining, “here’s what I thought at the time, but I now believe this.” Unless this insight actually occurred during the period in question, though, this is also technically assigning yourself a wisdom you didn’t have.

Thornier still are questions of how you’re going to handle behavior and/or remarks which let’s just say haven’t aged so well, yet they are important if you want to be truthful about these times. You can’t just delete them and pretend they never happened…even though including such makes it seem as though you’re endorsing them. I think you just have to try and keep yourself in the mindset of that time frame as much as possible. It always bugs me when you’re watching something that’s supposedly set in an earlier era, but they’re using slang and catchphrases which didn’t exist back then. I tried to avoid that as much as possible, true, but also more importantly to avoid putting a current spin on these old situations. It’s probably not entirely possible, but I really don’t want to ascribe what I (or anyone else) thinks about these episodes now, only what we actually thought about them back then.

Even so, of course, you end up agonizing over specific words. Some of these sentences remain intact as-is from the late 90s, but there are others, I can tell you, I was still tinkering around with yesterday. Some were bugging me as I went to sleep last night. But at some point you have to tell yourself, good enough. Let it go.

But what really has you in knots most of all, is how you say anything negative whatsoever about your friends. You’re trying to write your interpretation of events, which everyone might not agree with. You don’t want to be unnecessarily mean, but at the same time, if you’re going to excise every negative, then it’s whitewashed and toothless and no longer accurate. It’s easy to fall down additional rabbit holes from there and begin thinking, hey, maybe I’ll just leave in unflattering comments if the person in question was a jerk to me, and on the flipside, delete everything less positive if they were cool. Of course, once you start rationalizing like this, you are doomed. Maybe it’s a tie breaker, if someone is in your good graces, determining how hard you try to paint them favorably, but you cannot just start wiping out every unkind comment about your friends.

Basically I think you just have to ask yourself, is this fair? And is this a necessary reference, or can I cut it out? Have I said this as tactfully as I can manage? It does help that, by this point, hopefully everyone understands this stuff falls in the good natured ribbing department, anyway – as mentioned earlier, I don’t actually “care” about this material on a personal level after this many years, none of it. The only question is if it’s important to this book, this little slice of history I’m covering.

In many of these cases, it’s often an accidental blessing to have not captured a ton of concrete information. Sometimes I am being deliberately vague for dramatic purposes within the structure of the book, other times as some kind of strategic decision I’ve stumbled onto in the real world. But far more common are the instances where I just don’t have the details at this point. You can’t exactly Wikipedia who was at some campus keg party, or what was said at the Out-R-Inn on such and such night from 1998. Work schedules are for the most part toast or would never be made available to you, especially if canned from a place, and you can’t trust memory all that well after this many years.

One thing you may notice is that I do have slightly greater detail as the book progresses. This actually did occur to me at the time, and was an unintended benefit of buying a computer about halfway through this epoch. The whole mindset for acquiring one was that it would help me type up my first novel, yet it would soon turn out that detail and speed in future projects like this were of far greater importance. I was doing an okay job handwriting various facts in my journal, what we did and where we went on such and such day. It helped, too, that I had a job – waiting tables – where standing around scribbling things into a tiny notepad was totally normal. I just often wasn’t writing what they might have expected. But the level of detail is missing beyond this, until able to type it up and capture it quickly with a decent word processing program. And the biggie here is actual quotes, real life soundbites from people, which are somewhat lacking early on.

So if I don’t really care about any of these piddly dramas at this point, beyond their structural purpose in my history, what I do find fascinating now is specific details about anything whatsoever from the distant past. Things said, yes, but also prices, menu items, songs on a band’s set list. Which business existed at a certain address. It does make me lament my focus and choices at times, that I hadn’t concentrated more in certain areas and less in others, but there’s really nothing you can do about that.

Ultimately, this is what a book like this ends up being about: the city itself. Although by the nature of this project forced to insert myself into the middle (fun fact: I did try writing this campus period as a novel with invented character names at one point, many years ago. It didn’t work), it helps considerably to recognize that I am not the story. These experiences on the personal level are for the most part anonymous and commonplace. Though some of this weird behavior I guess is sort of amusing in sports, for the most part, I’m just melting into the background – and that’s exactly as it should be. So while it’s easy for all of us to trick ourselves into thinking, which we probably all have at times, “wow, I’m kinda like the Forrest Gump of this scene or something, all this wild stuff seems to happen when I’m around!” that’s not really not how it is at all. It’s more accurate to realize, well, I was present for 100% of the stuff I was present for. That’s why it seems amazing. But there were a million equally crazy things happening all over the place, which I missed. And this swirl of activity, this flood of information and colliding personalities, mixed in with the era and the locale itself, this is really what all such stories are about.

In the end, all you can really control is making a historical record as accurate as possible. Try to make it match what that period felt like as best as you are able to, and move on. The first time around, with One Hundred Virgins, this manifested itself in me thinking I wanted to get the timing right on a typical day. As I was working on that project, it’s true that there were almost no hard decisions whatsoever, as the pacing and flow and questions about which scenes to include almost seemed to be snapping themselves into place, in a way that hasn’t happened before or sense with anything I’ve written. But the one area I made a determined effort to focus upon then was to not include only the fireworks, to deliberately insert some boring stretches because this was more realistic. I do regret some of the florid language used in that book – to read some passages now, even I have no clue what I was trying to say there – but otherwise think it accurately captured, you know, that we weren’t partying nonstop, that there were nights I’d sit at the kitchen table alone for hours with the radio and a crossword puzzle.

The period covered in this second volume, however, is completely different. There is much less information about what else is going on around the city, because our lives have gotten more action packed, and I’m also not exactly sitting around reading article after article about Angsto The Clown or whatever, as I had been in our earlier days. Here I think the length of the book is actually more beneficial and accurate, and if I’ve decided to focus less this time around on making every sentence as artfully complex as possible, I do believe that some situational confusion serves it well, because this is how it was to live it. Therefore if you think it’s a bit brain scrambling that there are five or six Carries in this book and most of them have dark hair but no last name, are often explained away as a coworker, well, trust me, this neatly matches our experience. If sometimes you can’t quite decipher what happened or what’s really going on, yeah…welcome to the club.

Even so, I’ve never been nearly this nervous about anything else I’ve written. There are conversations I’ve successfully avoided having for over twenty years now and am dreading to some degree, once a couple of these episodes are revealed. The reception itself otherwise seems almost not nearly as important – as any of you other writers out there know, though you feel compelled to crank this stuff out for some reason, there are always conflicting emotions about it anyway. Am I hoping that nobody reads it? Of course not. Am I hoping that people do read it? I think so…yet it’s still kind of a terrifying prospect to actually sit around and ponder. I mostly try to block out that thought, too.

That last “S” fell off: original cover for “Similar Shapes” as it looks now.

Regarding the title, and the picture above, it’s true that I’ve been wrestling off and on with these names for over two decades. At one point, I intended to call that first book Similar Shapes. There are still times I wish I had. But somewhere along the line that name began to seem too generic to me, and I also became enthralled with this idea, based around this running joke that Robert Smith (from The Cure, not the legendary OSU running back) always had, whenever asked about the title of their next album: he would say One Million Virgins, though they never wound up calling any of them that. When still intending this as a trilogy, I planned to run with that concept in tying them all together, starting with Hundred and then Thousand, finally Million. 

Though loosely based upon discussions we were actually having at the time, this numbering pattern eventually lost its luster. True, I could always pull an Agatha Christie and rename that first book. But really, I think I’m saving Similar Shapes for a day down the road, when I might decide to combine these two projects and issue them as one. Half the time I think that will probably happen at some point. It actually makes the most sense of all, and kind of comes full circle to that maroon binder full of pages.

Anyway, if you’re really worked up into a mad fervor and can’t wait to get your claws into a copy, as I mentioned, the Kindle version is now available on Amazon for 99 cents. I basically plan on jacking up the price by a dollar every week, as some sort of cheap stunt to inspire you to order a copy right now.  So here is the link for that:

Riots Of Passage 

Let me know if you spot any errors, of course. If caught early enough I might be able to squeak in corrections before the paperback version goes live. Otherwise, I guess they will wait for the inevitable revised edition. As always, thanks for reading this or anything else that pops into my head. It still seems amazing to me that anyone would do so, and I hope to never lose sight of that.

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