#(' WHY DIDN'T YOU INCLUDE 02 FROM THE START ')

[m0nnypie]

02. [IZUKU MIDORIYA]

✿ warnings. To all the boys I've loved before!Au, quirkless!reader, teacher!reader, aged up characters, all the boys are pro-hero (including Deku).

✿ synopsis. Your childhood letters, the ones in which you declare your love for every crush you had, ended up being sent without your permission. What could come of that?

✿ words account. 2.5k

"Argh! Shit..." You thought it was extremely unfair that on your day off, everything went wrong. Starting with the fact that you were supposed to meet up with some friends, but ALL of them canceled. Even though you knew them well enough to know that they just didn't want to go out with you, since going out with everyone but you is normal.

You even thought you could enjoy the night out on your own, but then they spilled drinks on you, your heels broke (you had to break the other one to keep wearing them) and of course you saw your "friends"

But just as you left the club to finally get home and forget everything that had happened today. It started to rain. And obviously you didn't bring an umbrella. How cliché. But honestly, it couldn't get any worse.

You were hurrying to find shelter so you wouldn't get so wet. Although when you arrived, you were drenched. As soon as you picked up your cell phone to check the time, it had died. You took a deep breath to stop yourself from freaking out.

Not in a million years would you have called a cab on your own, with a dead cell phone, in the middle of the night. You could be anything, but crazy and stupid you weren't.

"Do you need help?"

A hoarse, warm voice spoke from beside you. You were ready to scream, but as soon as you turned to look at the owner of the voice, you shut up. Your eyes widened, it was Midoriya. He was smiling sweetly at you, and it made you want to eat. You quickly pulled yourself together.

"No. I don't need it." You turned to walk away through the rain, anything was better than staying there. But you felt him grab you by the wrist. As soon as you turned to him, he had that cynical look on his face, as if he really cared.

"Please (name)- sorry, (L/N)..." You wish you could hit him in the face right now, but you know you'd come off as crazy. "I don't want to leave you alone here, it's late and dangerous..."

"And why do you care?!" You said harshly, if you were a snake right now you could probably be spewing venom out of your mouth.

"Because I care about you!" He said with conviction, and that irritated you. You started to laugh, and you could see out of the corner of your eye that he was a little embarrassed by your reaction, what an idiot.

"Really? You? You care? With me?" You kept laughing, as if it was all just a good joke. It was, but the joke was actually on you. "Are you serious, Midoriya? The last time I remember, you didn't even want to look me in the face."

He looked away from you, swallowing hard and clearly uncomfortable. Not that you minded, he didn't deserve any sympathy from you.

Flashback on -

You remember it all to this day, for many it was just another stupid day at school. But not for you, it was the day you were finally going to propose to Midoriya. A little 9 year old declaring herself, cute isn't it?

You met when you were only 4 years old, which led you to meet Bakugou. But you didn't give a damn about him, not then. You only cared about the boy with the wide green eyes.

Nothing else mattered, even though Bakugou always pestered you, even though your parents fought often, even though sometimes you just wanted to cry, whenever you looked into those eyes, all you felt was peace. Until that ended.

The first person you met (unfortunately) was Bakugou, he was fighting with his friends for some reason you didn't really give a damn about.

"Have you seen Izuku?" You unfortunately had the idea of asking the stupid blond. As soon as he heard your question, he gave you his usual scowl, but the mention of the greenish guy's name seemed to make it worse.

"Why would I know about that stupid nerd? And what the fuck do you want with him?" He shouted, as usual. You just rolled your eyes and walked away, ignoring all the shouting coming from him.

You ended up not seeing Izuku for the rest of the class, for some reason he just disappeared from your sight, you couldn't even find him at break! He even seemed to be avoiding you.

You were about to give up and put it off until you finally spotted a green-haired boy. The smile that appeared on your face was capable of infecting anyone who passed by with how happy you looked.

"IZUKU!!!" You shouted, catching the boy's eye. When you finally reached him, you saw that something was strange. He seemed nervous, and wouldn't even look at you. "Are you okay? You look bad..." you said with real concern.

"I don't want to be your friend anymore" he said quickly and quietly, which confused you because you hadn't understood anything.

"What? Speak up izu! You don't have to be shy around me! You know that!" You tried to give him confidence.

"I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE!" Suddenly, all eyes fell on you, and you stared at him in shock.

"W-what?" Hardly anything came out of your mouth, you were so shocked that you couldn't even speak properly. "What do you want to say?" You said it so quietly that if it hadn't been for Izuku being near you, he wouldn't have heard you.

"I-I don't want to be your friend! I'm tired of you!" As soon as the words left his mouth, his eyes filled with tears. Why? What had you done to him? What had you done to him? You always supported him, you were always on his side when Bakugou bullied him. "You're so annoying! I don't know why you're still around me, I just want you to stay away!"

A bubbling anger began to fill you, how dare he talk to you like that? What could be wrong with him? You started to feel an urge when you looked at his face again.

"AS IF I WANTED TO BE YOUR FRIEND! I ONLY TALKED TO YOU OUT OF PITY!" You shouted so loudly that the teachers came out of the school to see what was going on.

"YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER LOSER WITH NO QUIRK!"

You didn't even pay attention when you heard Bakugou laughing in the background, or the teachers trying to calm you down, or even the tears welling up in Midoriya's eyes. You pushed him so hard that he fell to the ground.

"IDIOT! DON'T EVER APPEAR IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN! I HATE YOU!"

You ran off before anyone could take in what had just happened. The first thing you did when you got home was run to your room, completely ignoring your fighting parents.

And for the first time in years, your parents stopped fighting. They knew almost nothing about you, but one thing they always remembered, you were always happy, despite their fights, and despite everything. But not today. That day, and the week that followed, there was complete silence inside your house.

After that day, you never looked Midoriya in the face again. You started hanging around Bakugou, always clinging to him. And whenever Bakugou teased the green-haired boy, you pretended not to see.

And as for the letter, you just couldn't throw it away, so you hid it in a box under your bed, and then everything changed.

Flashback off -

"I-I know... I fucked up... but please... it's late and I don't trust leaving you alone at this hour..." You stared into the immensity of those green eyes, and wanted to vomit. "Please (name)... just let me take you home, just one ride! And I'll never bother you again!"

He looked at you with those lost-dog eyes, the ones that whenever he showed you, you did whatever he wanted. But... now it was different. You looked at the rain, it certainly wasn't going to stop now, it was only going to get worse.

"Okay. Just one ride, and no more." He smiled at you, a smile that although you wouldn't admit it, you missed. He walked you to his car, you practically standing under the umbrella so you wouldn't get wet.

As soon as you reached the car, you were surprised. It was one of those expensive cars that you would never be able to afford, I mean, not that you know that much about cars, but you know what you can and can't afford.

He opened the door for you and waved you in. He waited until you were inside and dry, before closing the door and going to the driver's side. As soon as he got in, he realized that his left side was completely soaked, which shouldn't have happened...

"So... where do you live?..." He said almost hopefully, as if you were going to run away from him and get out of his car screaming.

"Oh... I live near the station..." you said quietly, trying your best not to make eye contact with Midoriya. "You don't have to drive me to my house..."

He gave you a big, warm smile. "No problem! I like to help... and it wouldn't be right to leave you alone late at night either..." he shifted his gaze back to the front.

"Right... thanks then..." you looked away to the window. Midoriya finally got out of his seat and started driving. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see that he looked conflicted, as if he was arguing with himself about whether he should say something to you there.

"Um...so...how's your life as a pro-hero? Are you...um, enjoying it?" You tried to lighten the mood, but soon regretted it.

"Ah! Yes! I love it! It's great to always be able to save people when they need it...although sometimes the work gets really tiring..." And before you could even say anything again, Midoriya was already chattering away.

You thought it was cute that, even after years, he was still the same. The same chatty boy who always perked up when he talked about something he liked.

He must have noticed you staring, because he suddenly stopped talking. And he was looking at you out of the corner of his eye. You looked away, your cheeks heating up.

"And you? You became a teacher, didn't you?" He said, trying to distract from the recent event.

"Um... yes, I did" There was an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, and you hoped that you would get home soon. "And Bakugou? I mean..."

"Good! I mean... he's still a bit irritable as usual... but... well" he laughed, and you followed him. It made him smile more. A few minutes later, you finally arrived at his house. "Here we are..."

"Thanks for the ride, I really didn't need it," you said too sweetly, which surprised you, since you did everything you could not to show how you felt beyond your students.

"You're welcome..." he smiled at you. And then everything got weird again, he just started staring at you without saying anything. As if he was hypnotized.

"Um...Midoriya?" He didn't answer. You snapped your fingers in front of him. And then he seemed to come back to life. Instantly, his cheeks turned red, and he looked away.

"I'M SORRY!"

You laughed. "It's okay..." you then smiled at him, and started to get ready to leave.

"Wait!" He quickly got out of the car, running to your side of the door, stumbling halfway. All this to open the door for you. "There!"

He opened the umbrella so you could get out, and you accepted without blinking. You didn't want to get any wetter than you already were. He took you to the door of the building. Then he finally said goodbye.

"Well... thanks again for the ride..." You gave him a small kiss on the cheek as a thank you, it wouldn't be a problem, after all, this would be the last time you'd see each other.

"You're welcome..." he grinned like a fool. You then went inside, leaving him standing there alone. Smiling like a fool who has seen the love of his life for the first time.

Izuku finally got home, and of all the days, today was the worst. Starting with the villains giving him more trouble again, he hadn't had a day off in over three weeks.

But there was one good thing in all this: you. When he met you again for the first time after so long, he didn't even know how to react. Of course, even more so after Kacchan basically shouted at you.

He wished he could have walked you to school, to make sure you got there safely, but you just ignored him, which hurt him a little. But he couldn't blame you, he made a mistake with you when you were younger. He had lost all hope, until he received a letter. A letter from you.

At first, he thought it was a lie, a joke from Denki or Mina, something like that. But as soon as he read the letter, he knew it was from you, the way you spoke matched the letter exactly. And although the letter was apparently a bit old, it still smelled of her peach perfume.

That day, all their hopes came crashing back like a truck. He didn't know how to react. His first instinct was to call Ochako. What he should have known was that it was a bad idea, considering it was midnight and she hated being woken up. At least he got some good advice... which was that he should stop being an idiot and go talk to you. A big help.

But then, one day when he decided to take a walk to cool off, he found you. You were soaking wet, under a store tent. That's when he decided to act. Obviously his first instinct was to offer you a lift. At first, he saw how much you avoided even looking at him.

But in the end, one of his worst days, he got a kiss on the cheek. It sounds silly thinking about it now, but in all honesty he didn't give a damn. Everything that came from you was wonderful, no matter how small. He felt like a teenager at that very moment.

He threw himself down on the sofa, picking up the letter to read again. No matter how many times he read the letter, he would never tire of reading it again. He smiled to himself like an idiot. No matter how long it took, he would make it up to you and he would win you back.

Tag List: @mtsyik @homeless-clown @babylambdietcoke @erisawrites @kryscent @ita606 @aikojwhpa @vanillaicebaby @flilou02 @yuuuumii @angelicpupsblog @ikissfade @mrowwww @tsumuus

[vidavalor]

Perfectly Safe

Ok, I might have read one too many 'Aziraphale doesn't love Crowley because he wants him to be an angel'-type posts and I'm at risk of grinding my teeth into oblivion over here. This is short defense of why Aziraphale is tempted by the idea of being able to offer Crowley a way out of Hell and how that makes him pretty lovely, actually, and not villainous in any way.

In honor of @badaziraphaletakes, who is doing The Lord's Work out here. Lemme know how I did when you have a chance. 😇

Aziraphale being tempted by "The Metatron's" offer is not about him needing Crowley to be an angel. It's about the hell that Crowley has been living being tied to Hell for the last six thousand plus years.

Aziraphale does not need Crowley to become an angel again to love him. He already loves him. He does not think that Crowley is "lesser" because he's a demon. That's lunacy. Aziraphale is furious with God, whom he thinks made a mistake in casting Crowley to Hell because Crowley is lovely and Aziraphale thinks nothing less. Aziraphale loves Crowley so much that he actually just willingly accepted a scheme he didn't really 100% believe was true just because even if there was a .02% chance that it was real, he had to take it.

Aziraphale is tempted... quite. literally. tempted... into accepting an offer that includes the power to restore Crowley's angelic status because he believes that Crowley becoming an angel again is the only way that Crowley would ever be safe from Satan and Aziraphale will do anything to keep him safe.

Anything.

That angel will give up their life together on Earth. He will give up his own freedom and his own happiness and, largely, he and Crowley's ability to have a functioning relationship, to do the worst job imaginable for all of eternity if doing that job means that it gives him the power to protect Crowley in the one way for which he has always been powerless.

What do you think it's done to Aziraphale for it to have always been dangerous for them to be together all this time? Not just in the sense that they can't get caught or they could be killed but in the sense that because they can't get caught or they could be killed, they can't just live together easily and that actually would only partially solve the problem? Every time Crowley goes out the door, neither of them know what horrors await him on the outside.

Every. Single. Time. For thousands of years...

Aziraphale has always done everything he could to protect Crowley, as best as he could in whatever time they were in. He built the bookshop for Crowley. Yes, he wanted a place of his own and he came up with the bookshop embassy to con Heaven into letting him have material objects and a house but it was always really for both of them. It was to give Crowley a place to which he could escape from Hell. It was so that there was one place where demons and Satan couldn't find him because, out there in the world? Even in the places where Crowley was living? Crowley has never been safe from them.

One of the first scenes of Crowley in the series is him being attacked by Satan--while driving his car, a symbol of autonomy and control over himself-- while he was supposed to be having dinner with Aziraphale. This is basically the intro summary of their relationship that we are given at the start of the story and that carries through the rest of it in different scenes. If you were Aziraphale by 2.06 and thousand years deep into this hell you and Crowley had been living together, wouldn't you sign on the dotted line for even the slimmest-as-all-fuck, hope-and-a-prayer chance that you might be able to get the kind of power that could stop the love of your life from potentially being stalked, tormented, threatened or attacked any time he wasn't near you?

Imagine being head-over-heels in love with a person who is your best friend and your lover and your partner in life and he's safe with you, of course, but you can't be together all of the time because being together at all is risky and could kill you if you get caught but when he's not with you? He could be being raped on the side of the road by the literal fucking Devil because that's actually canonically happened before. What do you think it did to Aziraphale to feel like he was powerless to protect the person he loves for so long?

In Aziraphale's mind, he's been able to do little more than watch as Crowley suffered with no way to stop it.

Until the offer from "The Metatron":

Then, along comes a situation that seems way too good to be true-- and is. That it is, though, doesn't matter to Aziraphale much at this point. It's not remotely ideal and it's not on their terms but it's something... it's more than Aziraphale felt he had to offer Crowley before he was given it.

Aziraphale does not want power for power's sake; he doesn't want to run Heaven. He rejected that when it was all that was offered.

What tempted him was the power to protect Crowley.

It doesn't matter how unlikely it is that this is a genuine offer-- and Aziraphale does have doubts that it is genuine. This is the only offer that Aziraphale cannot refuse. He will never reject the possibility of freeing his partner from literal Hell because it would be freeing him from the mental, physical and emotional hell he's been going through for thousands of years.

That is how much Aziraphale loves Crowley.

How does Aziraphale fall? Well, Mr. Fell really actually fell long ago because he fell in love. He falls to Hell, though, when he cannot resist the temptation to take for himself the kind of power that he thinks would protect Crowley. He's tempted by the very devil that has been torturing them both and, worse, he knows he probably was, but it's still an offer he cannot ever refuse.

Aziraphale doesn't want Crowley to become an angel again because he can't love him if he's a demon; he wants Crowley to be an angel again because then he'd be safe from Satan. Then, he'd have a chance to heal more and be free. It's Aziraphale's unconditional love for Crowley that leads him to fall.

I think Aziraphale feels like he has nothing to offer Crowley if he can't protect him more than he already does. He has a lot of pain, anger and shame over a situation that isn't really within his control and that he'd kill to fix. No amount of Crowley's reassurance over the years has been able to fundamentally change how Aziraphale feels about this because both of them already do everything in their power to manage the situation as best as they can and, throughout all of this time, there has not ever been any way to fundamentally change it.

Don't think this angel hasn't thought long and hard about how he wants to marry that demon but he's not sure how he'd ever stand there and take a vow because, in his mind, a failure to protect him would be to break that vow. He doesn't actually think he's a good enough partner to Crowley as it is, let alone the husband to him he'd love to be. (Crowley very much begs to differ on that.)

That angel who gives his flaming sword and his money and time and his love to any being that needs what he can give them? The one that took Gabriel in and comforted Muriel and saved Job and Sitis' kids and gave Elspeth and Maggie a way out of despair?

That same angel has spent millennia unable to save his beloved partner from the worst horrors imaginable and that's how The Devil got this kind, pure-of-heart person-- the anger, shame, frustration and pain over thousands of years of telling himself that he's not good in general and he's definitely not good enough for Crowley.

Go right ahead and make him the bad guy if you want but know that his own negative thoughts about himself will out do yours any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Demon-haunted computers are back, baby

Catch me in Miami! I'll be at Books and Books in Coral Gables on Jan 22 at 8PM.

As a science fiction writer, I am professionally irritated by a lot of sf movies. Not only do those writers get paid a lot more than I do, they insist on including things like "self-destruct" buttons on the bridges of their starships.

Look, I get it. When the evil empire is closing in on your flagship with its secret transdimensional technology, it's important that you keep those secrets out of the emperor's hand. An irrevocable self-destruct switch there on the bridge gets the job done! (It has to be irrevocable, otherwise the baddies'll just swarm the bridge and toggle it off).

But c'mon. If there's a facility built into your spaceship that causes it to explode no matter what the people on the bridge do, that is also a pretty big security risk! What if the bad guy figures out how to hijack the measure that – by design – the people who depend on the spaceship as a matter of life and death can't detect or override?

I mean, sure, you can try to simplify that self-destruct system to make it easier to audit and assure yourself that it doesn't have any bugs in it, but remember Schneier's Law: anyone can design a security system that works so well that they themselves can't think of a flaw in it. That doesn't mean you've made a security system that works – only that you've made a security system that works on people stupider than you.

I know it's weird to be worried about realism in movies that pretend we will ever find a practical means to visit other star systems and shuttle back and forth between them (which we are very, very unlikely to do):

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/09/astrobezzle/#send-robots-instead

But this kind of foolishness galls me. It galls me even more when it happens in the real world of technology design, which is why I've spent the past quarter-century being very cross about Digital Rights Management in general, and trusted computing in particular.

It all starts in 2002, when a team from Microsoft visited our offices at EFF to tell us about this new thing they'd dreamed up called "trusted computing":

https://pluralistic.net/2020/12/05/trusting-trust/#thompsons-devil

The big idea was to stick a second computer inside your computer, a very secure little co-processor, that you couldn't access directly, let alone reprogram or interfere with. As far as this "trusted platform module" was concerned, you were the enemy. The "trust" in trusted computing was about other people being able to trust your computer, even if they didn't trust you.

So that little TPM would do all kinds of cute tricks. It could observe and produce a cryptographically signed manifest of the entire boot-chain of your computer, which was meant to be an unforgeable certificate attesting to which kind of computer you were running and what software you were running on it. That meant that programs on other computers could decide whether to talk to your computer based on whether they agreed with your choices about which code to run.

This process, called "remote attestation," is generally billed as a way to identify and block computers that have been compromised by malware, or to identify gamers who are running cheats and refuse to play with them. But inevitably it turns into a way to refuse service to computers that have privacy blockers turned on, or are running stream-ripping software, or whose owners are blocking ads:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/02/self-incrimination/#wei-bai-bai

After all, a system that treats the device's owner as an adversary is a natural ally for the owner's other, human adversaries. The rubric for treating the owner as an adversary focuses on the way that users can be fooled by bad people with bad programs. If your computer gets taken over by malicious software, that malware might intercept queries from your antivirus program and send it false data that lulls it into thinking your computer is fine, even as your private data is being plundered and your system is being used to launch malware attacks on others.

These separate, non-user-accessible, non-updateable secure systems serve a nubs of certainty, a remote fortress that observes and faithfully reports on the interior workings of your computer. This separate system can't be user-modifiable or field-updateable, because then malicious software could impersonate the user and disable the security chip.

It's true that compromised computers are a real and terrifying problem. Your computer is privy to your most intimate secrets and an attacker who can turn it against you can harm you in untold ways. But the widespread redesign of out computers to treat us as their enemies gives rise to a range of completely predictable and – I would argue – even worse harms. Building computers that treat their owners as untrusted parties is a system that works well, but fails badly.

First of all, there are the ways that trusted computing is designed to hurt you. The most reliable way to enshittify something is to supply it over a computer that runs programs you can't alter, and that rats you out to third parties if you run counter-programs that disenshittify the service you're using. That's how we get inkjet printers that refuse to use perfectly good third-party ink and cars that refuse to accept perfectly good engine repairs if they are performed by third-party mechanics:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

It's how we get cursed devices and appliances, from the juicer that won't squeeze third-party juice to the insulin pump that won't connect to a third-party continuous glucose monitor:

https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

But trusted computing doesn't just create an opaque veil between your computer and the programs you use to inspect and control it. Trusted computing creates a no-go zone where programs can change their behavior based on whether they think they're being observed.

The most prominent example of this is Dieselgate, where auto manufacturers murdered hundreds of people by gimmicking their cars to emit illegal amount of NOX. Key to Dieselgate was a program that sought to determine whether it was being observed by regulators (it checked for the telltale signs of the standard test-suite) and changed its behavior to color within the lines.

Software that is seeking to harm the owner of the device that's running it must be able to detect when it is being run inside a simulation, a test-suite, a virtual machine, or any other hallucinatory virtual world. Just as Descartes couldn't know whether anything was real until he assured himself that he could trust his senses, malware is always questing to discover whether it is running in the real universe, or in a simulation created by a wicked god:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/28/descartes-was-an-optimist/#uh-oh

That's why mobile malware uses clever gambits like periodically checking for readings from your device's accelerometer, on the theory that a virtual mobile phone running on a security researcher's test bench won't have the fidelity to generate plausible jiggles to match the real data that comes from a phone in your pocket:

https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2019/01/google-play-malware-used-phones-motion-sensors-to-conceal-itself/

Sometimes this backfires in absolutely delightful ways. When the Wannacry ransomware was holding the world hostage, the security researcher Marcus Hutchins noticed that its code made reference to a very weird website: iuqerfsodp9ifjaposdfjhgosurijfaewrwergwea.com. Hutchins stood up a website at that address and every Wannacry-infection in the world went instantly dormant:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/10/flintstone-delano-roosevelt/#the-matrix

It turns out that Wannacry's authors were using that ferkakte URL the same way that mobile malware authors were using accelerometer readings – to fulfill Descartes' imperative to distinguish the Matrix from reality. The malware authors knew that security researchers often ran malicious code inside sandboxes that answered every network query with fake data in hopes of eliciting responses that could be analyzed for weaknesses. So the Wannacry worm would periodically poll this nonexistent website and, if it got an answer, it would assume that it was being monitored by a security researcher and it would retreat to an encrypted blob, ceasing to operate lest it give intelligence to the enemy. When Hutchins put a webserver up at iuqerfsodp9ifjaposdfjhgosurijfaewrwergwea.com, every Wannacry instance in the world was instantly convinced that it was running on an enemy's simulator and withdrew into sulky hibernation.

The arms race to distinguish simulation from reality is critical and the stakes only get higher by the day. Malware abounds, even as our devices grow more intimately woven through our lives. We put our bodies into computers – cars, buildings – and computers inside our bodies. We absolutely want our computers to be able to faithfully convey what's going on inside them.

But we keep running as hard as we can in the opposite direction, leaning harder into secure computing models built on subsystems in our computers that treat us as the threat. Take UEFI, the ubiquitous security system that observes your computer's boot process, halting it if it sees something it doesn't approve of. On the one hand, this has made installing GNU/Linux and other alternative OSes vastly harder across a wide variety of devices. This means that when a vendor end-of-lifes a gadget, no one can make an alternative OS for it, so off the landfill it goes.

It doesn't help that UEFI – and other trusted computing modules – are covered by Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), which makes it a felony to publish information that can bypass or weaken the system. The threat of a five-year prison sentence and a $500,000 fine means that UEFI and other trusted computing systems are understudied, leaving them festering with longstanding bugs:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/09/free-sample/#que-viva

Here's where it gets really bad. If an attacker can get inside UEFI, they can run malicious software that – by design – no program running on our computers can detect or block. That badware is running in "Ring -1" – a zone of privilege that overrides the operating system itself.

Here's the bad news: UEFI malware has already been detected in the wild:

https://securelist.com/cosmicstrand-uefi-firmware-rootkit/106973/

And here's the worst news: researchers have just identified another exploitable UEFI bug, dubbed Pixiefail:

https://blog.quarkslab.com/pixiefail-nine-vulnerabilities-in-tianocores-edk-ii-ipv6-network-stack.html

Writing in Ars Technica, Dan Goodin breaks down Pixiefail, describing how anyone on the same LAN as a vulnerable computer can infect its firmware:

https://arstechnica.com/security/2024/01/new-uefi-vulnerabilities-send-firmware-devs-across-an-entire-ecosystem-scrambling/

That vulnerability extends to computers in a data-center where the attacker has a cloud computing instance. PXE – the system that Pixiefail attacks – isn't widely used in home or office environments, but it's very common in data-centers.

Again, once a computer is exploited with Pixiefail, software running on that computer can't detect or delete the Pixiefail code. When the compromised computer is queried by the operating system, Pixiefail undetectably lies to the OS. "Hey, OS, does this drive have a file called 'pixiefail?'" "Nope." "Hey, OS, are you running a process called 'pixiefail?'" "Nope."

This is a self-destruct switch that's been compromised by the enemy, and which no one on the bridge can de-activate – by design. It's not the first time this has happened, and it won't be the last.

There are models for helping your computer bust out of the Matrix. Back in 2016, Edward Snowden and bunnie Huang prototyped and published source code and schematics for an "introspection engine":

https://assets.pubpub.org/aacpjrja/AgainstTheLaw-CounteringLawfulAbusesofDigitalSurveillance.pdf

This is a single-board computer that lives in an ultraslim shim that you slide between your iPhone's mainboard and its case, leaving a ribbon cable poking out of the SIM slot. This connects to a case that has its own OLED display. The board has leads that physically contact each of the network interfaces on the phone, conveying any data they transit to the screen so that you can observe the data your phone is sending without having to trust your phone.

(I liked this gadget so much that I included it as a major plot point in my 2020 novel Attack Surface, the third book in the Little Brother series):

https://craphound.com/attacksurface/

We don't have to cede control over our devices in order to secure them. Indeed, we can't ever secure them unless we can control them. Self-destruct switches don't belong on the bridge of your spaceship, and trusted computing modules don't belong in your devices.

I'm Kickstarting the audiobook for The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/17/descartes-delenda-est/#self-destruct-sequence-initiated

Image: Mike (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/stillwellmike/15676883261/

CC BY-SA 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

[likeadevils]

1989 Timeline

This is a very long post that puts all the songs on 1989 in order of Taylor creating them. I’ve also included a few other songs she worked on while writing 1989 and quotes from Taylor and her collaborators talking about her process

Of all the albums in Taylor's discography, I think this is the one that improves the most when you listen to it in order. All of those things Taylor was talking about in the promo for this album-- how this is an album of her coming into her own, figuring out her values, learning to stand on her own two feet-- it all clicks into place. Listening to it in order has made me cry on more than one occasion, and it's also the thing that made me start this whole crazy process of figuring out the dates she wrote each song.

If you don't want to read the whole post, check out this playlist of the album in order or this playlist of her entire discography.

I’ve also added this color coded scale of how sure I am of the date: 

Confirmed: There is some type of official source for the date

Inferring: Nobody has officially said “This is when we wrote it,” but all available evidence points to that date

Speculation: This date is based on guesswork and is highly likely to change, or, all that is known is the general season.

Unknown: All that is known is the year (from the US Copyright Offices)

Without further ado...

Oct 6, 2012: Taylor seems to have been in a studio in London (Note: I have no idea where this photo comes from and I can not find a place that specifies if this is a music studio or radio interview.)

This Love: Oct 17, 2012 (Confirmed)

October 19, 2012: Taylor mentions wanting to work with Imogen Heap, prompting Imogen to get in touch with Taylor

Time Interview: Who’d be your dream collaboration, especially now that you’re taking more musical risks? Let me think. Imogen Heap! She’s amazing. Taylor: Someone asked me in an interview "Who would you like to work with?" and I said Imogen Heap. I get an email to my management, sent like "Imogen just saw that Taylor just said an interview that she would like to work together" She said "Why don't you come out to my studio." Imogen: I got a phone call [in 2014] saying Taylor Swift was in London, she'd love to work with me and the only date she could do (between 4 sold out 02 arenas!) was the day after we got back, Sunday. It was both unexpected and not at the same time as I'd heard Taylor was a fan a while back via this Time magazine piece but somehow didn't think it would actually happen.

Fall 2012: Taylor possibly writes a song with Harry Styles and Jacknife Lee (her producer for The Last Time).

Jacknife Lee: “It was out of my field of expertise and interest, but I was intrigued and my girls were thrilled. Taylor was nice and very professional. She knew what she wanted and there was no fucking about. She was seeing Harry Styles at the time, so he came to Topanga on her recommendation. She wrote a few songs with him, and it was the same thing – quick. But this time it was more directed by the management and label. They were after something specific. I wanted more acoustic and gentle, almost Americana, and they wanted bombast. They got what they wanted, and that was the extent of my foray into teen-pop territory. It was fun.”

All You Had to Do Was Stay: Jan 10, 2013 (Confirmed)

Taylor is photographed outside Conway, and then tweets "Back in the studio. Uh oh..." Later, Taylor confirmed that she was recording All You Had To Do Was Stay. Taylor: I had a dream that my ex showed up at my door, knocked at my door, and I opened it up, and I was about ready to launch into the perfect thing to say [...], Instead, all that would come out of my mouth was that high-pitched chorus of people singing, 'Stay!'...and then you go to say something else, and it's just like 'Stay! Stay! Stay!' And I woke up, I was like 'Oh, that was mortifying. But that's kind of a cool vocal part.'

January 11, 2013: Taylor is photographed outside Conway again

How You Get The Girl: Jan 15, 2013 (Confirmed)

Taylor posts a picture of her playing a guitar in the studio, captioned "Somewhere in LA..". Later, Taylor confirmed that she was recording How You Get The Girl. Given what was going on in her personal life, she likely wrote this sometime in the fall/winter of 2012, but all we know for sure is the date she recorded it.

February 9, 2013: Tweets "Grammy rehearsals last night, studio today, who knows what tonight holds! (I do. Laying around watching TV and eating candy.)"

March 6, 2013: Taylor is photographed outside a studio in LA

March 23, 2013: Posts a picture of her playing guitar captioned "Pre show. Columbia, South Carolina"

I Wish You Would: May 28, 2013 (Inferring)

Taylor is photographed out for lunch in Rhode Island with Lena Dunham and Jack Antonoff on May 27, before leaving for her show in Phoenix, Arizona the next day Taylor: "Max Martin and [Karl Johan] Shellback [Schuster] were the last people I collaborated with on [2012 album] Red, and I wished we could have done more and explored more. So going into this album, I knew that I wanted to start with them again. Then I thought, “Wouldn’t it be amazing to work with Ryan Tedder?” And then I was with Jack Antonoff and Lena Dunham at the beach, and we started talking about our favorite ’80s music. All of this started happening organically, and I found myself gravitating toward pop sensibilities, pop hooks, pop production styles." Jack:  "We were hanging out at her house in Rhode Island and we were talking about John Hughes movies, and a lot of the music that inspired [them], and just this general culture of sound in that time period that was really larger-than-life in an anthemic, positive way. These songs could be at the end of films that were really, really beautiful and said a lot. That actually ended up being a song called 'I Wish You Would' which is going to be on her album. We first worked on that song together and realized we kind of have a good thing. Taylor: “This is a song I did with Jack Antonoff, and Jack is one of my friends and so we were hanging out and he pulled out his phone and goes "I made this amazing track the other day. It's so cool, I love these guitar sounds." And he played it for me and immediately I could hear this finished song in my head, and I just said "Please, please let me have that. Let me play with it, like send it to me" And so he sent it to me and I was on tour and this was me playing the track on my laptop recording me singing the vocal into my phone and it ended up being a song called "I Wish You Would", because Jack wrote back and said "I love that".”

June 7, 2013: At the CMA fest, Taylor is asked if she's started writing for her next album yet

“It's starting, all the anxiety is starting and when the anxiety starts, then the writing happens right afterward, usually. Um, so, yeah, I basically... I like to, I like to write for about two years before I'm finished with an album because I... at this point I kind of know that whenever I write in the first year is going to get thrown away, because, I'm going to like it, but it's going to sound a little bit like the last project I had, and the second year usually ends up sounding like the next project. So I think at this point, at this point I feel like staying the same is the easy way to go but it's not the way that I want to go, creatively. I think you need to challenge yourself, I think you need to change up your influences, I think you need to be inspired by different things that you've been inspired by before, and, uh, y'know, It's harder to call people you don't know, and it's harder to think of topics you haven't covered and think of new ways to say old emotions that everyone feels, but, that's the goal at this point."

June 20-21, 2013: Taylor and Selena Gomez hang out, and Taylor potentially writes Wildest Dreams.

July 15, 2013: Taylor gives a brief interview to Rolling Stone

“The floodgates just opened the last couple weeks,” she says of the songwriting process. “I’m getting to that point where I’m irritating to be around because I’ll be with you for half the conversation and then the second half of the conversation I’m clearly editing the second verse of whatever I’m writing in my head.” “I really loved collaborating [on Red],” she says. “You work with a lot of different people and you find the people you have this dream connection with in the studio. I know those people and I know the ones I want to go back to. But I also have a really long list of the people I admire and I would really love to go and contact. So that’s kind of where that is.” “I think that the idea of having a different approach to every single one of my albums is so exciting to me. I never want to make the same record twice. Why do it? What’s the point? It’s so overwhelming that when you’re starting a project there are such endless possibilities if you’re willing to evolve and experiment. If you’re willing to become a different version of yourself, you can really go anywhere with it. And that’s kind of where I am. The kind of the laboratory experimental stage of really catching onto a new thing that I’m liking.”

July 18, 2013: Taylor unfollows the three backup dancers that left her tour for Katy's, meaning Bad Blood was likely written sometime between July and November 2013.

Sweeter Than Fiction: Summer 2013 (Speculation)

Taylor wrote this one over email, and then it was recorded in New York (partially in Jack's living room, partially in an actual studio)

August 25, 2013: Taylor and Selena Gomez hang out at the VMAs, and Taylor potentially writes Wildest Dreams.

August 25, 2013: Taylor gives a brief interview on the VMAs red carpet

"But I think [songwriting is] about to start to kick into full gear. I'm about to go into the studio. It's about to get really intense."

Out Of The Woods: September 14 2013 (Inferring)

On September 14, Fun cancelled their show. Taylor was likely either flying to or from Charlottesville, where she had a show for the Red Tour. Jack: "When I did the track for Out of the Woods, which is a Taylor song that I'm really proud of, there was some issue at a venue and our show was canceled that night and I didn't have my stuff, I had left it on the bus, so I only had these old samples on what was on my laptop, and caught up that 'oh oh'' thing, and I only had one drum kit on there, and these dumb little things [sometimes turn into a great song]" Jack: "So 'Out Of The Woods' was the third thing we worked on together, and probably the easiest. I sent her the track for it, and she sent back a voice note with the verse and chorus in what felt like five seconds. And it was just perfect. It's eerie how similar it is to what the final product is." Taylor: "This is a track that Jack Antonoff sent me, and I was actually on a plane, I got it and I got on a plane and I'm listening to it, and I'm just like listening to it and mumbling melodies cause the song came to me immediately like, in full [...] I think what I should start by playing you, is when I got the track, what I sent him like an hour later, and it is, me.. um, me singing what came to me, which ended up being the finished version of the song, or at least really close to it."

September 20, 2013: In a brief interview with USA Today, Taylor says she plans to work on her next album between the next few legs of the Red Tour

"I’ll be in the studio, figuring out what comes next. I really like to take two years to make a record, and I’ve been writing and doing stuff for the last year. This is kind of the year that it goes into overdrive, and it’s all I think about and I become obsessive over it and I’m hard to talk to"

September 22, 2013: Taylor gives an interview to New York Magazine where she talks about her plans for TS5

These days, Swift is thinking a lot about her next record. While on the Red tour, she’d been writing songs and stockpiling ideas: reams of lyrics, thousands of voice memos in her iPhone [...] she plans to spend much of 2014 writing and recording the new album, a prospect she finds exhilarating and terrifying. “I worry about everything. Some days I wake up in a mind-set of, like, ‘Okay, it’s been a good run.’ By afternoon, I could have a change of mood and feel like anything is possible and I can’t wait to make this kind of music I’ve never made before. And then by evening, I could be terrified of the whole thing again. And then at night, I’ll write a song before bed.” Swift hopes to collaborate with new songwriters and producers. But she planned to begin, she said, by heading back into the studio with Max Martin and Shellback. “I want to go in with Max and Johan first, just to figure out what the bone structure of this record is going to be. “I have a lot of things to draw from emotionally at the moment. But I have to draw from them with a different perspective than on Red. I can’t say the same things over and over, you know? I mean, I think it’s just all the more important that I don’t ever allow myself to coast. At the same time, there’s a mistake that I see artists make when they’re on their fourth or fifth record, and they think innovation is more important than solid songwriting. The most terrible letdown as a listener for me is when I’m listening to a song and I see what they were trying to do. Like, where there’s a dance break that doesn’t make any sense, there’s a rap that shouldn’t be there, there’s like a beat change that’s, like, the coolest, hippest thing this six months—but it has nothing to do with the feeling, it has nothing to do with the emotion, it has nothing to do with the lyric. I never want to put things in songs just because that might make them popular, like, on the more rhythmic stations or in dance clubs. I really don’t want a compilation of sounds. I just need them to be songs.”

September 28-October 5, 2013: Taylor and Selena Gomez are in the same city, and Taylor potentially writes Wildest Dreams.

October 12, 2013: Taylor gives an interview to the Associated Press

Swift: I think the goal for the next album is to continue to change, and never change in the same way twice [...] How do I write these figurative diary entries in ways that I’ve never written them before and to a sonic backdrop that I’ve never explored before? It’s my fifth album, which is crazy to think about, but I think what I’m noticing about it so far is it’s definitely taking a different turn than anything I’ve done before. AP: You said recently you’ve been working on songs for the new album for about six months. What can you tell us about what you have planned? Swift: It’s too early to tell who are going to be my predominant collaborators, but I do know that my absolute dream collaborators were Shellback and Max Martin on the last project. I’ve never been so challenged as a songwriter. I’ve never learned so much. I’ve never just been so excited to show up to the studio every day, just because you never know what we’re going to put together. I’ll bring in ideas and they’ll take such a different turn than where I thought they were going to go, and that level of unexpected spontaneity is something that really thrills me in the process of making music. ... What if we did this? What if we made it weirder? What if we took it darker? I love people who have endless strange and exciting ideas about where music can go."

October 14, 2013: At the NSAI, Taylor talks about reinventing herself for different albums

"I’m making my 5th record now, so I think you have to change things up, you have to explore different corners of music as much as you can. Cause I really, it’s been a big goal of mine to never make two albums that sounded the same. I really want my fans to be able to be like "Oh that song? Clearly that's from the Fearless album", "No that one, that one was from Red" and so I’m in the process of doing that thing all over again for my 5th album and it’s amazing to be in the studio and to be songwriting again, and be honored for songwriting tonight"

Blank Space: October 26, 2013 (Inferring)

It looks like she’s wearing the same outfit in this behind the scenes footage and these candids Taylor: "I was going into write with Max Martin and Shellback, who are two of the primary collaborators on 1989, and I... was preparing all these things, and I, I think Blank Space was like the third thing I played them, and they just stopped and they were like "NO, this is the first thing we're working on today." [...] I had the idea for the chorus and I had the hook, but a lot of the verse was gibberish." Taylor (On what song took her the least amount of time to write): "Blank space, cause I'd written a lot of the lines down already in the year preceding the session"

October 29, 2013: Tweets "Sitting in the studio writing the next album (!!!!) and wanted to thank you for the American Music Award nominations!"

November 1 : While promoting Keds, Taylor is asked about her next album

"What I go through is going to be the story that I tell. I think lyrically, I always try to tell my fans exactly what’s happened to me in the last two years, and that’s the thing they can expect. Everything else, they won’t be able to expect. Having been in the studio with this one, I’m just like… oh, this is going to be fun"

Bad Blood: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

The backup dancer drama seems to have kicked off in mid-July. Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013

New Romantics: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

Unfortunately, Taylor doesn't really talk about this song. Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013

Wildest Dreams: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

Selena reportedly told a fan she was there when Taylor wrote this, and I've noted above all the times Selena could have been with Taylor in 2013 (Here's my personal ranking of how likely each date is). Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013.

Wonderland: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

Another one Taylor just doesn't talk about all that often. Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013

Nov 20, 2013: Taylor posted "While in the studio, I came to the realization that my bangs are long enough to use as a sleep mask on long flights. Then I remembered I don't ever use sleep masks on flights. So really, I just need a haircut"

November 25, 2013: Taylor and Scott Borchetta have a meeting to talk about her plans for TS5 and are both asked about the next album at the AMAs

Taylor: “We got a lot already. There are probably seven or eight [songs] that I know I want on the record. It’s really ahead of schedule for me. I’m just stoked because it’s already evolved into a new sound, and that’s all I wanted. And I would have taken two years to make that happen, but it just kind of happened naturally, so that’s all I could really ask for.” Scott Borchetta: "Well earlier today we got together and she played me seven new songs, and she’s just on fire. The level of desire and passion that she has just to keep getting better, she’s an artist that just really never wants to just say ‘Well okay this is good enough’. It’s always gotta be better. She’s in amazing creative place right now." By the end of November, Taylor had likely recorded This Love, All You Had To Do Was Stay, How You Get The Girl, I Wish You Would, Out Of The Woods, Blank Space, Bad Blood, New Romantics, Wildest Dreams, and Wonderland. That’s 10 songs total, 5 of which were likely recorded in the past two months, and 7 that had been made since Taylor and Jack had their conversation about 80s music in May.

Dec 21, 2013: Taylor briefly talks to Billboard about TS5

"I’m really loving collaboration right now [...] I see it as a bit of an apprenticeship. I want to be around people who love writing songs and have done it for years. Every time I’m in a studio I’m learning, like how to build a drum track, and getting a new perspective on things. It’s so thrilling to keep learning on your fifth album. As soon as [an album] comes out I’m figuring out what the next one will be. It’s gotten to the point where each one is a reinvention, which is what I like best. I like it when it sounds new and people don’t know where you’re going to go next."

Say Don't Go: Jan 1, 2014 (Confirmed)

Diane Warren: Warren, who typically writes on her own, says the two of them “sat down and wrote the song […] from scratch” during the last few days of 2013. She remembers being impressed with how specific Swift was with her lyricism and how considerate she was about how her fans might receive it. “She was very particular about how she said certain things. It was a really interesting experience. She gets her audience [...] She’s deeply aware of how her fans want to hear something. I can’t explain it, but that’s probably why she’s the biggest fucking star in the world.” Several days after writing the song together, they got into Warren’s office to record a demo, where Swift played it on her acoustic guitar. “We demoed it on New Year’s Day. And I’m a workaholic, and that’s fine for me,” she says. “But I remember being impressed that she did, too. Everybody’s on vacation, but she showed up.”

You Are In Love: Jan 2014 (Inferring)

This song is copyrighted for 2014. Taylor has said a few times that Clean, Shake It Off, and Style were the last songs written for the album, meaning You Are In Love was likely completed in January or early February. Given Taylor's busy schedule in late January and early February, I'd guess this was written at some point in early January. Furthermore, I'd guess it was sometime after the 9th, when she returned from looking at house in New York.

I Know Places: Jan 22, 2014 (Confirmed)

Taylor: "I sent this voice memo to Ryan Tedder because I'd always wanted to work with him, and finally we scheduled some studio time. So I always wanna be prepared, I wanted to send him the idea that I was working on before we went into the studio just in case he wrote back and said "I can't stand that, I wanna work on something else, think of something else" So I just sat down with the piano, put my phone on top of the piano and just kind of explained to him where I wanted to go with the song, how I saw the melody sitting in and we ended up recording the song the next day and it ended up being on the record called "I Know Places" So this was the voice memo that I sent to him the night before we ended up finishing the song"

Welcome To New York: Jan 23, 2014 (Confirmed)

Ryan Tedder: "I thought we were going to walk in and start something from scratch because that's what I was used to. Then she calls me and says, 'Is it cool if I already have an idea?' I said, 'Sure.' She said, 'I have this song, I'm obsessed with New York and I just moved there, I want to write an ode to New York because no one's done it in a long time.' And then she sent me a voice memo. She's like, 'I want it to sound like 1980s.' So the next day I brought in a Juno-106, which is a very 1980s keyboard and I literally programmed that entire song right in front of her. It was very much on the fly, and that song was done in about three hours. And I did the rest of the production I think later that week. I was in Switzerland on a tour bus, and I did four versions of 'Welcome to New York,' one of which I liked personally more, but the thing about artists is they become very obsessed with the demo. She was in love with the demo so no matter how hard I fought, she brought it back to the demo, so really what you hear is what I did on the first day."

January 26 2014: Dianne Warren says that she recently wrote a song with Taylor

"I worked with Taylor Swift on a great song [...] I'm excited about the [song] that we did, it's pretty cool Dianne in 2016: “I know [Swift] likes it, so hopefully it will see the light of day. I know she really likes the song. She didn’t want me to give it away, so hopefully that means she wants it.”

January 26 2014: Taylor loses Album of the Year at the Grammy's to Daft Punk. She tells a few different stories about what the rest of the night looked like for her-- in some she goes home alone, in some she has some friends over-- but in all of them, this is the night where she decides that she's gonna name the album 1989, and she's not going to let her label tell her to put any country songs on it.

Clean: Feb 9, 2014 (Confirmed)

According to Imogen Heap's blog post, Taylor had the first verse and chorus by the time they got into the studio, and then wrote the second verse and bridge during the session. Taylor's part was wrapped up in 9 hours, ending at 8pm, while Imogen stayed up until 4am because she didn't want to stop working on it. Taylor: ""Shake It Off" and "Clean" were the last two things we wrote for the record, so it shows you where I ended up mentally. “Clean” I wrote as I was walking out of Liberty in London. Someone I used to date— it hit me that I’d been in the same city as him for two weeks and I hadn’t thought about it. When it did hit me, it was like, ‘Oh, I hope he’s doing well’. And nothing else. [...] The first thought that came to my mind was – I’m finally clean." Imogen Heap: I was really writing the tiniest amount just to help her do what she does. I put some noises to [“Clean”], played various instruments on it, including drums, and anytime she expressed she liked something I was doing, I did it more. It was a really fun day. She recorded all her vocals [for “Clean”] during that one session. She did two takes, and the second take was it. We always thought she would probably re-record it, because we thought it can’t possibly be that easy. But after we lived with it for a few months, we felt it was great.

February 15, 2014: Taylor posts "It was a studio Valentines Day with Max and Johan!"

Shake It Off: Feb 15, 2014 (Confirmed)

Lover Diaries (From Feb 22): "This week I’ve been in the studio with Max and Johan every day and it has been the most creatively successful and fulfilling time. The first day, Johan just made a really up tempo drum beat because we decided we needed something UP and light. We worked at it for a few hours before I just started singing “shake it off, shake it off.” And then the best way I know how to describe it is that the chorus just fell out of the sky. It ended up being this song about doing your own thing even though haters are gonna hate, and you just have to dance to your own beat. We all went home and I wrote the first and second verses and brought them in the next day. We wrote this chanty cheer leader bridge that I absolutely LOVE. We spent all day doing vocals and the next day recording background vocals. I think it’ll end up being the first single and Max said it’s his favorite song he’s ever been a part of." Taylor: "The problem was, I had all these lyrics, and I didnt have, like... writing session was coming up and I'm just like "I'm not getting a melody, I'm dead, I don't know what I'm gonna do." The thought terrified me, so I just sorta sulked into the studio and I was like "Guys, I have like an idea but its like, lyric, but I... and I know the vibe I want-- I want it to start off and the second the song starts, I want it to be the song where like, if it's played at a wedding, and there's this one girl who hasn't danced all night at the reception, all her friends come over to her and there like "You have to dance, come on, you have to dance on this one!". That's what I wanted. So I was like "Shellback, can you just go to the drum kit and try to play that?" Taylor: "There's one thing that I've always said to Max, is like "I don't like horns" I just always had a thing about it, I was always like weirdly scared of it, or intimidated by horns, I don't know what it was? It's a weird, like, nerdy studio fear of mine. I was like "No, no horns!" and I don't.. I don't even know, I don't have a reason for it, I love songs that have horns on them, I was just like "I don't think I can pull off horns." Strange. But, he goes over to the mellotron and he starts playing this horn sound. I'm like "What are you doing. Don't do that." and he's like, "No, I think this is cool" and I'm like "No it's not cool, and where are your chorus chords, because, that, you're just playing three chords over and over again and I can't make a chorus out of them, why don't you go to like a chorus chord that starts off the chorus, where is the one, like why don't you go--" and then there was this moment, where I thought of the whole chorus, and it's over the chords that I had just told him are not "chorus chords", which is a ridiculous thing to say."

February 18, 2014: Taylor is photographed entering Conway Studios

Style: Feb 19, 2014 (Confirmed)

Niklas Ljungfelt (guitarist): I played on “Style,” a song I started with Ali Payami for ourselves. He was playing it for Max Martin at his studio; Taylor overheard it and loved it. She and Max wrote new lyrics. But I recorded the guitar on it before it was a Taylor song. It was an instrumental. I didn’t have a clue that Taylor would sing on it. The inspiration came from Daft Punk and funky electronic music. Taylor: I'm pretty sure after we finished this one I knew the record was done. Shake It Off and Style were the last two songs to be written for 1989.

March 2014: Taylor's interview with Glamour is published (likely conducted two months beforehand)

TS: Working on this album has been unbelievable [...] I'm already in love with it. It's so different. CL: What's the new sound? TS: On Red I did three songs with Max Martin Shellback [...] I think we'll be doing a lot more than three songs together on the next album [Laughs].

March 26, 2014: Taylor is photographed entering a music studio in New York

"Slut!": 2014 (Unknown)

Taylor: The song “Slut!” is a song we wrote for 1989 and in it, I kind of cheekily play on the discussions at that time of my life around my dating life. And that’s not the only time on 1989 that I’d done that, I’ve done that on “Blank Space” and when I came down to having to pick songs for the album, I think I though, “Okay, well, I’m going to choose ‘Blank Space’” and, unfortunately, had to make some tough decisions in terms of what to put on the tracklist. But I love this song because I think it’s really dreamy. And I always saw 1989 as a New York album, but this song, to me, was always California, and maybe that was another reason it didn’t make the cut, because sometimes, thematically, I just had these little weird rules in my head. But I’m so happy it’s finally going to be something you guys hear, because I have always been proud of it, I’ve always wanted it to come out into the world and now it is, so yay!

Suburban Legends: 2014 (Unknown)

Taylor hasn't talked about this song, and it was produced by Jack Antonoff, who she didn't schedule time in the studio with in the same way she did with Max Martin and Shellback, so there's not a lot to work with.

Is It Over Now?: 2014 (Unknown)

Similarly to Suburban Legends, Jack produced this, so there's no obvious point in time to point to. She has spoken briefly about it though. Taylor: “Is It Over Now” is a song I wanted to end the album with because I think it’s kind of a fun play on words of like, “Is the album over now?” I always saw this song as sort of a sister to “Out Of The Woods” and “I Wish You Would,” I kind of saw those songs as similar, so, unfortunately, when we were making these decisions of what to put on 1989 and what to leave behind, I had to make some tough choices, and now it doesn’t matter anymore because you guys are going to hear all the songs. I’m so happy this song is out. I really love the “let’s fast forward to three hundred takeout coffees later,” that session, I just feel like head banging to every time it comes on. Hope you agree.

May 30, 2014: Taylor writes in her diary:

So a crazy story unfolded in the last 24 hours. Last night, I had this vivid dream where the photo I’d chosen for the album cover wasn’t good enough, intriguing enough, artful enough. It woke me up. I couldn’t shake it and it stayed with me all day. Because that nagging feeling I’d been pushing back for weeks was now confirmed in my gut … It wasn’t good enough. I went to the venue, mind racing, wondering if I’d have to do an entirely new photo shoot … I got to my dressing room with newer versions of the “cover.” I looked at it and felt nothing. The team pulled up this new scanned file of the Polaroids we had taken during the shoot. I saw within 10 seconds. The shot. The cover. It’s a Polaroid of me sitting against a beige wall with a blue seagull swear shirt on. You can see my red lips, but the photo cuts off my eyes. From some reason unknown to me, it’s the most intriguing photo I’ve seen. I think it’s the mystery of not seeing my eyes. Maybe it just looks effortlessly cool. The craziest moment came when something caught my eye. The cover photo is photo 13. I kid you not.

August 23, 2014: Taylor is photographed walking out of a studio in LA (Note: I can not find a place that specifies if this is a recording studio, dance, photography, radio, or television studio.)

Now That We Don't Talk: Summer 2014 (Speculation)

Seeing as Taylor said she didn't have time to figure out the production, I imagine this came fairly late in the process. Taylor has a habit of adding songs right up to the deadline-- with Folklore and Evermore, she added multiple songs a week before the album came out. The latest she added songs to albums while signed to Big Machine was September, though (both Forever & Always and So It Goes...), so I assume that's the absolute latest she could've added a song to 1989. Taylor: "Now That We Don’t Talk” is one of my favorite songs that was left behind, it was so hard to leave it behind, but I think we wrote it a little bit towards the end of the process and we couldn’t get the production right at the time. But we had tons of time to perfect the production this time and figure out what we wanted this song to sound like. I think it’s the shortest song I’ve ever had, but I think it packs a punch, I think it really goes in. For the short amount of time we have, I think it makes its point.

And that's all for this timeline! Check out my others:

TIMELINES: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights PLAYLISTS: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights • entire discography GENERAL: tag

[mqriuss]

girl crush or crush crush?

synopsis 。。。you know you've gone crazy when your diary starts getting littered with entries of your little crush on yuzuha everyday. wait, crush?

contents: wlw, high school setting, fluff

playlist

entry 01:

since when did we have a shiba fan club? is hakkai really all that attractive? i mean i guess he looks pretty cool sometimes but come on, a fan club? anyway, i have to meet up with minari and emi for a group project tomorrow.

oh yeah and i have that portrait assignment, i'm really bad at drawing people's faces let alone realistically T^T i'll figure that out later.

update: the shiba fan club was for yuzuha-senpai?! emi told me that i'm "too engrossed" in my doodling... now that i think of it, the girls here talk so loud so how did i never find out about this? oh well, i still don't really see the point in a fan club but i guess it makes more sense for someone like her.

"hakkai!"

you look up from your diary upon hearing someone calling out for your classmate. "crap," you mutter to yourself when it turns out to be none other than his sister. you close your diary in an instant, shoving it into your desk drawer.

you really tried not to look when yuzuha and hakkai were standing by the doorway, chatting about something you couldn't make out from the back of the class. unfortunately, you often have a hard time seeing the board ever since your teacher randomized the seats last week, but this was the perfect spot for when you wanted to doodle in class... or even staring at the senior that everyone has a girl crush on.

each time you averted your gaze from her, it was as if there was some invisible force pulling your head in her direction. you always knew someone as pretty and cool as her existed in school, but you never paid too much attention to her up until now. well, every other girl here is pretty cute. how's yuzuha any different?

you don't know how to answer that either. maybe it was her charisma that was too hard to ignore, or the way her hair drapes and rests gracefully over her shoulders, or maybe it's the way she glares at any guy trying to hit on her, and the way she smiles—hold on, what the hell am i thinking?

thump. your heart drops as if it weighed a hundred something pounds. you think you might have been staring a little too hard because yuzuha notices you and sends a small smile your way with a wave.

your face feels hot much to your dismay, and you didn't really know how to act in the moment. the second you rose your hand to wave back, she was already looking away. yup, this is great.

"yuzuha-senpai waved at you?!" emi's whisper-yelling voice echoes in your ear from beside you out of nowhere, causing you to jump in your seat.

"ack!" you accidentally let out a bit too loud when your knee hits the bottom of your desk, garnering everyone's attention, including yuzuha's. in one swift movement, you put your head down against the table—partly to hide your pained expression but mostly to hide from her. your face contorts and you silently wince upon realizing you had practically smashed your head against the wooden surface.

"uh, y/n?" emi calls out to you hesitantly and she flinches a little when you look up momentarily to glare at her.

entry 02:

there is no way i'm THIS out of touch.

yuzuha-senpai is the head of the kyūdō club??? that's like THE HOTTEST COOLEST thing i know about her (˶°ㅁ°)!!

my art club teacher is absent for today and tomorrow so the assignment's due date has been postponed to next week. maybe i can get minari to come with me and see yuzuha-senpai. is that too creepy? no, right? i'm sure her fans have done worse...

i kinda wish i was more like emi, good at sports like volleyball. i think yuzuha-senpai would be interested in girls like that. haha why does that even matter to me?

"well? what are you waiting for? go say hi!" minari encourages you, nudging your arm. it doesn't really have its intended effect on you as you vigorously shake your head.

"no way! i'm fine with watching from afar."

minari sighs, crossing her arms. you almost feel bad, considering that you couldn't wait till the end of classes to see yuzuha in her club. you just had to drag minari along to run around the whole school, just to get a glimpse of your senior.

"since when were you part of the shiba fan club, y/n?" your friend asks you quizzically.

"what? i'm not a part of any fan club," you deny her claims immediately. "i think the fan club's stupid, but i do think she's pretty..." you trail off, watching her carry a tray of today's lunch to a table with her friends.

"you wouldn't do this with me when i wanted to see shoji-kun at his basketball practice match." she pouts, following your gaze that was glued onto yuzuha.

"shoji's like, the lamest guy ever," you exclaim, rolling your eyes as you proceeded to rant. "i don't know what you see in him, he's so stuck-up and annoying. being athletic is all he's good at, that's not even a redeeming quality!"

"what?"

you and minari freeze, your bodies stiff as if ice travelled from your toes up to your stomachs—the only thing you could move were your heads as you turn to each other before looking over your shoulders.

shoji. of course he's just not-so-conveniently standing right behind you.

"shoji, wow!" you force a grin, laughing out sheepishly. "i did not see you there—hey, you're looking two inches taller today. keep it up, man!" you blurt out random words, lightly punching his arm before grabbing minari (who is absolutely lovestruck) by the arm and dashing off.

in the distance, yuzuha lets out a quiet chuckle at the commotion you were previously making. some of her friends ask what's so funny and some look behind their shoulders.

"ah, are you looking at shoji?" one of her friends tease her, only to be met with an offended yuzuha.

"shoji's like, the lamest guy ever, why would i be looking at him?"

entry 03:

i was (respectfully) watching yuzuha-senpai at the kyūdō club again today and she caught me staring!

this is all minari's fault by the way... while yuzuha-senpai was aiming her shot, minari sneezed so fucking loud. thank god there weren't that many people around, just yuzuha-senpai and a couple of other students. we still had to apologize for disturbing them though.

"you're y/n, right?" yuzuha asked, approaching you with a warm smile.

"how'd you know?" you tilted your head, confused. the both of you have never exchanged words till now.

"hakkai told me—well, more like i asked him," she clarified, chuckling as one of her hands move to settle on her hip. "i saw you that day in your classroom, and yesterday at the cafeteria."

"oh! that explains it," you chuckled, embarrassed as you rubbed the back of your neck. you couldn't believe she asked her brother for your name—you had to snap yourself out of it before you started acting too much like her fangirls.

yuzuha looked behind you then glanced around, "hey, where's your friend?" her question made your eyes widen and search for minari.

'did she seriously just leave me here?' you thought to yourself and sighed. "i... think she ditched me. i did sort of drag her here so she probably has somewhere else to be." you explained as you looked for an opportunity to leave as well.

yuzuha's lips curved into a lopsided grin as a soft chuckle escaped her. 'how could someone be so cool yet warm at the same time?' you thought as you feel heat rushing to your ears. for a moment, you didn't even care that your friend had abandoned you.

you were so lost in the sound of yuzuha's laughter that you didn't even notice she had walked back to her bag to fish out a camera.

"so," yuzuha whipped her head to look up at you, her ponytail swishing with the motion. "what brings you to the kyūdō club, y/n? interested in joining?" she asked jokingly, and wow, your name sounded so nice coming from her mouth.

"oh no, no, i'm just– uh," you stammered, shaking your head. thank god, the students were too preoccupied with whatever they were doing to notice you being an absolute loser in front of yuzuha. "i'm in the art club! my teacher is absent today though, so... i wandered around and ended up here." you explained, patting yourself in the back mentally for what you believe to be a genius excuse.

"art club? so you're good at drawing?" yuzuha sat on the floor, her back against the wall and she pat the spot beside her.

you nodded while moving to sit next to her. "i mean, i wouldn't say i'm that good at it."

"i think every good artist says that," yuzuha teased, giving your arm a little nudge.

you chuckled, "actually, i might be better at painting. even then, i'm better with backgrounds and animals than people."

"hey, that's still impressive!"

"i know, thank you but..." you paused and found yourself smiling at her compliments. "my current assignment isn't my strong suit at all, so i've been mulling over it for a while now." your chuckles died down as you hugged your knees up to your chest.

"lemme guess, you have to draw people?"

"worse. i have to draw their faces."

yuzuha threw her head back, hearty laughter spilling out—light but unrestrained. she doesn't know much about art and the struggles of an artist, but she found your exasperated tone and expression amusing and endearing.

"why don't you draw my brother? i think his face looks good at a 45 degree angle," she suggested, partly joking.

deep down, you wanted to say no. the words never formed—they would never come out with convincing excuses. maybe because you already knew who you wanted to draw for the assignment.

"hey, why don't you help me out with something?" yuzuha stood on her feet, offering you a hand.

"me?" you echoed, pointing to yourself and glancing at her outstretched arm.

"yes, you!" she affirmed, urging you to get up.

you slowly reached out, grabbing her hand as she pulled you up. "what do you need help with? are you sure i can help?" you asked, walking right behind her and looked around. surely the other club members would be more helpful?

"it's easy, i just need you to get a picture of me aiming for a shot." she gave you the camera, and positioned herself with the bow and arrow. "we're planning to make a poster for the club, you can get one up close and another from afar."

yuzuha's form was no less than perfect, her foot placement and her posture as she draws the bow and aims. it was no surprise coming from the head of the club herself, you were so entranced that you almost forgot to take a photo.

"how's this?" you walked up to her and showed her the photo you took.

"ooh, that's nice! you're a better photographer than hakkai," yuzuha remarked, chuckling as she patted your shoulder. "get one up close this time. stand here, almost in front of me." she instructed.

you positioned the camera to get shot of her from the stomach up. "you know, your face looks good at a 45 degree angle too, yuzuha-senpai," you blurted out, only to accidentally capture the moment yuzuha broke into a flustered grin. "oops, let's take that again." you chuckled, retaking the photo properly this time.

"great! thanks for your help, y/n." she smiled gratefully, as you returned the camera.

you nodded, "it's no problem." you found yourself trailing off, your lips pursed and eyes wandered. yuzuha had a feeling you had something to say. "actually... can i have these photos too?"

yuzuha was expecting you to say anything really, but not this. "oh, why do you want them?" she asked, her tone full of curiosity as she raised an eyebrow.

"well, i just got really inspired all of a sudden. i want to use these photos to practice drawing people and different stances." you explained, hoping that you didn't sound like an absolute creep to her because it's true—you really did want to use these photos as practice.

"you want to draw me for reference?" yuzuha's face lit up, grinning when you nodded. "give me your email—i'll send you the photos when i get home. you have to show me your drawings later!"

entry 04:

i didn't ask for the photos as an excuse to exchange emails with her, i swear that never crossed my mind! but ever since then, i've been itching to send her messages occasionally. i probably shouldn't though... i don't know why i'm overthinking it.

other than that, i am absolutely done with this portrait assignment. why is drawing faces so hard?! i can't get the eyes to look the same, her eyebrows are way too asymmetrical, and i'm pretty sure her nose doesn't look like that. i complained about it to minari (who's a lot better at portraits than i am) and all she told me was to keep practicing like yeah no shit（ ; ; ）but i'm at my wit's end, girl.

"whatcha drawing?"

you jump in your seat, and suddenly you're getting deja vu. you shut your sketchbook immediately, crossing your arms over it.

"nothing!" you exclaim, your ears reddening as yuzuha, who's standing behind you, tries to look over your shoulder.

"i clearly saw you drawing some portraits, lemme see!" she insists, but you shake your head.

"no, no, it's so bad. it's just for practice." you plead, still shaking your head.

"you can't expect yourself to get good overnight," yuzuha chuckles, pulling the empty chair in front of your desk closer to sit before you. "alright fine, it's okay if you don't wanna show me." she lets you off the hook with a smile and you breathed a sigh of relief. "but can i see your other drawings? ones you're more confident about." she requests and normally you'd still be too shy, but it wouldn't hurt show off a little, right?

you open your sketchbook, careful not to open the one filled with portraits of yuzuha. instead, you turn to a page covered in doodles. right beside it is a painting you made a few weeks ago, a sunset adding a splash of pink and orange on a small piece of paper that you taped to the sketchbook.

"aw, these are so cute! i love this sunset painting," yuzuha praises and you couldn't help the proud grin that appeared and shy chuckles escaping your lips.

you watched as she goes over each doodle, most of them drawn during class when you got bored or couldn't focus. every now and then, she'd point to a specific drawing she's fond of—you noticed it was usually a cat or some other cute animal.

unbeknownst to you both, a few members of her fan club gathered by the door frame to get a glimpse of yuzuha sitting with some random girl from class 2-D. whispers of "who is she? how lucky! yuzuha-senpai is so pretty when she smiles" fly around, but they never reach you.

entry 05:

dear diary, i am fucking horrified.

well, it happened a few hours ago but i still can't stop thinking about it. i stopped by the kyūdō club since yuzuha-senpai wanted to show me the poster they made. today, i found out the cool and charismatic girl crush of the school hated bugs with a burning passion.

i'm no different! i'm just a girl, okay? most bugs scare the hell out of me, so when did i gain the confidence to play hero all of a sudden?

one of the students stumbled backwards, pointing a trembling finger to the ground.

"cockroach!"

her yelling interrupted the previously serene backdrop of the club's dojo, and all hell breaks loose as most of the students recoiled in unison. you blinked, barely processing the situation until you followed the finger to the culprit—a glossy, twitching nightmare crawling across the floor.

"oh, hell no," you muttered under your breath, feeling your skin crawl. you caught sight of yuzuha curled up with her friends, backing up with a grimace.

"someone get it!"

'oh diary, i may be a little stupid and scared of bugs, but i didn't regret what i did at all.'

you grabbed a nearby shoe (you apologized to the owner afterwards), your body moving on its own as you approached the bug with stealth.

"i- i've got it!" you shouted, slamming the shoe down, albeit rather shakily. the roach scrambled across the floor, resulting in everyone's shrieks. your breath hitched as you chased after it, hitting the floor a couple times before the shoe finally landed on the target with a resounding smack.

silence fell. you stared at the bug for a second and only snapped back to reality after someone yelled out, "my shoe!"

"you actually did it," one of the club members said in awe.

"my hero!" yuzuha grinned and slung an arm over your shoulders, ruffling your hair, and your cheeks instantly flushed. you weren’t sure if it was from the heat or because your very pretty and cool senior was this close to you.

“it was nothing,” you chuckled sheepishly, flicking your wrist and waving her off.

entry 06:

that's it. i've gone insane.

i think i've been drawing at least 5 portraits of yuzuha-senpai everyday and i know it's just for practice, but now i can't bring myself to use any other person for reference. is this what it's like to have a muse? i feel like a creep! i've been pretty transparent with her about it so i don't feel as bad, but still! thankfully, she doesn't think it's weird.

anyway, i've gotten better at drawing (her) portraits over time and i finally handed in my assignment yesterday. my teacher even noticed my improvement! i'll show it to yuzuha after it's been graded. god, i haven't even talked about today yet. where do i begin?

"y/n, do you have a crush on yuzuha-senpai?"

emi asked you out of the blue, making you cough and choke on your food. you were quite sure a grain of rice or two had travelled up to your nose.

"pft, a crush? what makes you think that?" you questioned and their faces dropped like you were stupid. "everyone's got a little girl crush on yuzuha-senpai. besides, i don't think i'm as bad as her fans." you added in defense, shrugging.

"true, 'cause you're worse."

"what?" your eyes widened at minari who was stifling her laughter. "you don't get to say anything, you literally have a crush on that lame ass shoji!"

"huh?" shoji magically appeared by the doorway, overhearing you—again.

"get outta here, man!" you groaned, showing him the way out with your pointer finger. you don't miss the way he rolled his eyes and shook his head before walking away.

"also, i'm not talking about a girl crush," emi corrected you, pausing to chew her food. "i'm talking about a crush." she emphasized.

"like," you blinked. "a crush crush?"

"yeah?" emi responded like it was common knowledge. you obviously knew what she was talking about, but a part of you didn't want to acknowledge it.

"it's okay, y/n. there's nothing wrong with liking girls, your secret's safe with us," minari chimed in, prompting you to raise an eyebrow at her.

"i didn't even say anything."

"oh, trust me—you don't have to," emi gave you a knowing look while minari snickered.

you sighed, finishing up the last of your bento, making sure not to leave a single grain of rice behind. you weren't completely oblivious. it's clear that you've been gushing over yuzuha the past few days, but you've been brushing it off as platonic admiration. even hakkai—ceo of not knowing how to talk to girls—had started exchanging a few words with you because he thinks his sister has a new best friend. he'll have to get used to your presence eventually, right?

the teachers? oblivious. your classmates? none the wiser. you could stare at her with sparkly puppy eyes and search for her around the school, and no one would suspect a thing. and yet, that one time you asked a guy from the student council a simple question about the school's festival, everyone swore you had a crush on him.

the only people who've caught on to your special admiration for yuzuha are minari, emi, and yuzuha's fan club.

and you're beginning to realize it too.

it's become a habit for you to absentmindedly draw portraits of yuzuha from different angles. for practice? maybe. because she's pretty? definitely. now you'd find chibi versions of you and yuzuha amongst the little critters, hearts and cupcakes on your sketchbook.

no one else knows, but you had a specific page bookmarked that you and yuzuha doodled on together. you remember that day, you were on cleaning duty and yuzuha visited you in class. you hadn't started cleaning when she stopped by though—you were working on a still life assignment instead. she told you that you looked so serious when you draw. as usual, she sat in the vacant seat in front of you, watching you do your thing and asked about your day. well, your days have started to feel like adding splashes of colour to mundane sketches ever since yuzuha came into your life.

"wanna draw something?" you remember offering as you turned to a blank page. the both of you spent thirty minutes doodling random cute things that day. you also recall her giving you ideas for your signature—it was such a simple activity, yet you had a lot of fun. maybe too much fun because you nearly forgot you were on cleaning duty. whenever yuzuha was around, your heart feels a little lighter, your mind a little clearer.

another time you realized your admiration for yuzuha might've been more than platonic was when you saw her interacting with her fan club members. you weren't jealous—not even a little bit, but you found yourself asking, "i wonder if she likes any of her fangirls?" sure, you were just curious, but why did it even matter?

the answer wasn't as complicated as you thought, you didn't want her to like any other girl.

you hoped that she'd admire you the same way you admired her. you hoped that maybe she’d like girls—girls like you. even when you were having a bad hair day and didn't have time to fix it in the morning. even when you didn’t get a good grade on your test. even when you made a fool of yourself getting caught drawing her in class with little stars around her. even when you tried to impress her and just looked lame. you hoped that there's a chance she’d be into you.

"alright, you're dismissed!" your art teacher clapped her hands, cueing your friends to start packing up. you remained in your seat, staring at an unfinished drawing of violets. "not going home yet, y/n?" your teacher called out to you, swinging her bag onto her shoulder.

"in a bit," you responded, nodding.

"i saw a bit of the violets you drew today; they look great. keep up the good work," she praised you and you thanked her bashfully. "don't miss your train!" she added as she walked out of the classroom.

normally, you'd rush to meet yuzuha at her club, but the thought of seeing her now made your heart both flutter and ache. you thought you could use some time to think through this whole crush thing, maybe even try to move on. it might be a little easier to be on your own than yearn for someone you can't be with.

you stayed back a few more minutes, trying to finish the drawing, but your pencil never got too close to the final lines. you took your sweet time packing your things before sauntering out of the nearly empty hallways.

club activities ended a few minutes ago, so yuzuha-senpai has probably gone home already.

"y/n!"

you froze in your tracks, looking up to the voice that pulled you away from your thoughts. standing by the school gates, the wind brushing against her strawberry blonde hair, amber eyes that put the summer sun to shame, and her smile, although small, warm as a fireplace. you've been seeing this same person a lot the past few days, but every single time your eyes meet, it always feels like the first time.

"yuzuha-senpai?" you gaped and for a moment, she gave you a puzzled look. what's got you so surprised?

"you didn't come to see me earlier, so i asked minari where you were and decided to wait for you," she said, meeting you halfway.

"you were expecting me?" you breathed and yuzuha's smile widened into a grin. she reached out to seemingly remove something in your hair.

"of course, i was. i sorta got used to you visiting me after class." she admitted, gripping onto the straps of her school bag. "you know, i wanted to do it more often, but you always beat me to it."

and there it was—an easy demonstration on how to get you flustered and red all over. yuzuha couldn't help chuckling at your baffled expression. was it so odd that she wanted to see you as much as you did?

oh.

"s–sorry...?" you blurted out an apology and yuzuha blinked at you before breaking into another fit of laughter, a bit louder this time.

"why are you apologizing, silly? i don't hate it or anything." yuzuha moved beside you to link your arms together. "anyway, hakkai is going out with his friends today. i didn't feel like joining so, we should hang out."

"really? the two of us?" you echoed, glancing around with slightly widened eyes and raised eyebrows. was this seriously happening? this was way too much for you to process!

"yes, really. so, do you wanna go to an arcade? or are you too tired for that? we can go to a cafe if you'd like."

"sure," you responded quickly, but sounded a little unsure. "i mean, the arcade sounds great." you immediately elaborated, receiving another laugh from her.

"okay, let's go! i'll walk you home after we're done."

yuzuha's hand travelled down to hold yours, intertwining your fingers in a slow, experimental manner. your heart skipped a beat, and you tightened your hold just a little, hoping it was enough to tell her you didn't want to let go. not when this connection beyond friendly admiration finally felt possible.

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

[8:02 pm]

(cw: very brief and vague mention of reader being naked)

One of your favorite things about Jaemin was how affectionate he was. Without a doubt every morning you'd be greeted with a kiss placed on your cheek and every night you'd go to sleep with his lips pressed to your forehead. It was very rare that you'd leave the house and not have him touching you in some way, hand holding, hand in your pocket, arm around your shoulder- something.

There were times that occurred very rarely where the affection turned the slightest bit... clingy. You'd never tell him but not having your own personal space could be overwhelming. Today was one of those days where the only alone time you'd had all day was earlier in the morning when you were brushing your teeth.

Right now you were trying to extract yourself from Jaemin's arms to get in the shower, he was whining, "I can join you."

"I won't even be long and you're watching your show," you reasoned.

"Jaemin," you whined exasperatedly, "please, my love. It won't take longer than 15 minutes."

He mumbled something about that being too long and his arms dropped, he was preparing to get down and beg you not to leave his side, but you used that opportunity to run to the bathroom.

You took a relieved breath standing under the warm stream of water. You were washing your hair when all of a sudden you heard, "Aren't you almost out of shampoo? Should I add it to the list?"

You froze, eyes snapping open. You peeked out from behind the shower curtain, catching sight of Jaemin sitting on the toilet with his phone out. He looked up and smiled brightly at you, "Did you like this scent or do you want to go back to your usual? I really like this one, but I like the old one too."

You took a deep breath to calm your heightened feelings of annoyance, "Jaemin, can I please have my shower time to myself?"

You probably shouldn't have been surprised, the longer your relationship went, the less personal time you'd have. This wasn't the first time he had decided to join your shower time without actually joining you in the shower. Sometimes he would sit on the counter or the toilet and ask you about work or gossip with you. You usually wouldn't mind, but today you were hoping for a simple shower alone.

Jaemin cried, "Do you hate me?! Is that what it is?!"

You laughed out loud before you could stop yourself, "Jaemin, why would I hate you?"

His head peeks into the shower and his eyes meet yours immediately. He's not even phased with your body being completely bare in front of him, and you love it. "Well, you ran away from me and you're depriving me of my cuddle time."

You place your hands on your hips, and raise an eyebrow at him, "Your cuddle time has been going on for over 10 hours now just today. Yesterday was another 14 hours, and that's not even including when we were asleep. As much as I love you, I need space to myself sometimes."

Jaemin clutched his chest dramatically, "Oh my god, my heart has just been ripped out of my chest and stomped all over my a crowd of people."

"Can you leave me now?" You asked softly, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

"Of course, baby," he answered quickly. He leaned further into the shower and placed a kiss on your mouth, not even bothered by the fact that he was getting wet.

You heard the door open and then, "I'm actually glad you're showering. I didn't want to say anything, but you were starting to get a little stinky."

"Get out!" You yelled.

"I love you!"

[tokkiiibunny]

Chick Habit |Megumi Fushiguro

Mainlist

02: Diet Mountain Dew

Sweet, rich, beautiful, you were like a dream But also you were completely sunk in the deepest sadness, yoy didn't know why or when, but since you were a child ypu felt like this, empty and alone, incomplete.

You have no memories of most of your childhood.

Or at least that's what you said when someone asked you, it was always easier for you to deny and hide than to tell the truth because you knew you were nicer when you said what others wanted to hear and not what was true.

Little people pleaser

But you've never denied it, you're very aware of that and it had really worked for you, you had managed to get everyone to love you, you had managed to have friends, that guys would ask you out, that the people around you would make you feel included, but then the rumors started...

Everything happened very suddenly but it was impossible not to notice it, suddenly all those people around seemed to have vanished into thin air and everyone began to avoid you like the plague, it wasn't long before you began to notice how they whispered about you in the corridors but you repeated to yourself that you were just paranoid.

Words like "whore" and "slut" started to be mentioned next to your name and you really didn't understand, what happened? You didn't know and nobody told you, It's not like you asked, you never confronted anyone, you didn't even tell your parents or teachers, you just didn't want to get anyone in trouble.

Little by little everyone forgot about the matter and they also forgot about you, you went from being the center of attention to a nobody who was sometimes frowned upon but nothing you couldn't ignore.

Nobody knew you and you didn't know anybody, maybe things would be okay that way.

Taglist (open):

Notes area:

^^ Just the introduction of the character of Y/n's

^^ Thanks for reading!

[archivalofsins]

Haruka, Mu, and Kotoko have been guilty for how long now? The first several prisoners to be guilty have been acquitted under their second ruling for how long? This break has been going on for how long? This post took how long? This is old news-

That doesn't matter. If anyone knows how things work here I always show up several days or months late with snacks. This isn't about my mannerisms though it's about theirs- So, let's talk about the subtleties and nuances of the no longer not so new second karaoke collaboration art in,

A Bunch of (Cyber)Punks

A Bunch of (Cyber)Punks [Part 2:] Let's Get Dystopian! (Es and Haruka are donewooo- In progress.)

Part 3: A Matter of Restraint (in progress)

Huh, why didn't I talk about it day of? Well I was doing some other things of importance don't worry about it~ Do I have a history of doing anything bad? It's probably nothing. No concern of anyone's.

You have @apatchworkstar and I to thank for the graphics that will be outlining this post. Hope they help with following along.

Now let's start from zero,

00b Es

The protagonist and the audience's vessel. They have no memory. Once they awaken they become a prison guard within Milgram Prison. They have no particular doubts or desires to learn about their origins. They fulfill their role as a prison guard every day as told to by Jackalope. Es interacts with the prisoners to unravel the truth behind the crimes they committed and the reasons for them. In order to discern whether to forgive them or not. They have a delicate and beautiful appearance but their gender is unknown. Height: 157cm (5'1)

There are some things to note about Es' appearance within the new cyberpunk inspired collaboration art. Firstly, Es breaks the mold of their peers by having a color outside of the main one affiliated with them used to emphasize their outfit.

Where staff could have chosen to go with the gold trim of their iconic uniform they instead opted to use the innocent and guilty colors. Leaning heavily onto the guilty color while using the innocent one to accentuate their shoes.

Choosing this color to accent the shoes could be representative of Es' attempts to put their best foot forward throughout the series. Meanwhile their uniform being all red (the guilty color) could represent the trials of the job or Es' changing perspective when it comes to Milgram as a facility.

It no longer having the stunning golden reputation it once had in their eyes. A recognition on some level that what they're doing is dirty work and ultimately may be unhelpful to everyone including themselves. Something that was shown throughout their statements over the course of trial two.

Yuno's Second Voice Drama (-273.15°C)

1:02s (One minute and two seconds in)

"Regardless of if you are interested or not, I am just going to do my job." Job...huh. Hey, how is it? This chaotic situation you wrought with that splendid job of yours? Is it fun? "What are you trying to say?" Are you personally satisfied? I mean, having forgiven and not forgiven. The inside of the prison is like this now.

10:58s (Ten minutes and fifty-eight seconds in.)

"I'm sorry but that's the sort of place Milgram is." Then I hate Milgram. "It's fine if you do."

11:31s (Eleven minutes and thirty-one seconds in)

Well, I guess so. But if you refer to the law, regardless, I can't be accused of murder. "This is Milgram." Yes, yes. You love Milgram a lot don't you, warden-san? "...That is not particularly true." I'm sure.

Futa's Second Voice Drama (Baptism of Fire)

1:03s (One minute and three seconds in)

"No that's-" Are you satisfied? Since you decided not to forgive me. H... hahaha. Are you satisfied dishing out punishments that are easy to understand? "That's not it..." Huh? "I wasn't thinking you'd receive a punishment like this and I didn't instruct Kotoko to do that, either. Punishments executed through violence..." Huh... "I didn't think it would turn out this way." Keh, heh, hah... hahahahahaha! "What's so funny?" Big words. You did want this- This. Me looking like this. "You're wrong! Finding out why you all became murderers and figuring out how to judge you; that's all I'm looking to do-" Hey. Look at me. My right eye. It looks awful, doesn't it? I to constantly keep it patched up to prevent any trace of dirt coming in contact with the wound. "..." [recoils]

Like a coward who can't face the consequences of their own choices- Yeah, I fucking said it. I'll say it again. Oh they're just fifteen. Didn't stop anyone from hounding the twelve-year old. Time flows differently in Milgram some folks theorize. how convenient we can keep the cycle of dogpiling on children strong. They ain't getting any less fifteen according to some. How long can this remain an excuse. Just because this brat is perpetually fifteen ain't making them any less accountable in my book. Es needs to take some accountability lessons from Amane.

"I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?"

Instead of I don't know crying like a fucking child go I didn't mean it to the person they possibly irrecoverably injured due to what they choose to support by voting in favor of it. It's not like Es didn't have suspicions but choose to deem her innocent anyway. Naw it'd be wild if they just blatantly admitted that at any point,

2:57 (two minutes and fifty-seven seconds in)

"..." You forgave her for feeling that way. You- "It's true that I got a bad feeling about that side of her. When she said there are times where it's necessary to stand up as justice against evil..."

I mean certainly she told me everything she was about and I said close to with my full chest yes more of that please but- I didn't know she would do what she did again here! That she'd be a repeat offender and not want to stop. I didn't know that she would use someone having a negative reputation regardless of how small- Be it in the news or my own personal eyes as an excuse to jump those people! How would I have known?!

Meanwhile Futa is just sitting here like,

(Beginning of small tangent)

Futa: Ya know I'll go down this road with you. Play me her first trial video real quick like- Let's hold off for a second here. Because maybe you're telling the truth and there wasn't enough information for you to guess she'd do something like this.

Es: Really?

Futa: Yeah, I'm honestly willing to extend the benefit of the doubt and try to see this from your perspective. I mean I didn't think she would do something like this when everything started either.

*three minutes and thirty-four seconds later*

Futa: ... *head in hands*

Es: I see now how there were a few red flags.

Futa: A FEW?! WHAT DID SHE HAVE TO DO PUT I JUMP PEOPLE ON HER HAT- WHICH SHE TECHNICALLY DID?! She advertised for anyone to see that she jumps people who do crimes regardless of how small. In a building where everyone has done a crime what about voting her innocent seemed like a good idea. Even you're technically doing a crime! One of those people were a bike thief- What the fuck is wrong with you she murdered people over theft this isn't a hard case to solve are you insane? You're accusing us all of murder this facility abducted several people everything in this building has committed a crime. You, me, the fucking air too maybe- Hell probably your rabbit as well. She's gonna kill all of us at this rate.

Es: Well, I don't think she'd do that... But I did extend a generous amount of the benefit of the doubt and assumed she wasn't as harsh on everyone of course.

Futa: ... No, no absolutely not. Hold on... What was Mahiru's?

Es: ...

Futa: Es-

Es: I think we should stop pursuing this train of thought now.

Futa: Are you fucking serious no show it run that shit-

*three minutes and thirty one seconds later*

Futa: ES- SHE'S IN A CAST ES?! A CAST ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS WHY- WHAT ABOUT THAT WAS BAD?!

Es: Don't you wanna I don't know defend your own video or something this is starting to make me feel a bit bad about my choices...

Futa: You should feel bad! And no I at least know I somewhat deserve this but what the fuck.

Es: Okay, okay I need you to know I am not bad at my job I am trying my best.

Futa: Are you?!

Es: Yes; yes I am! I-in fact- I can show you a verdict you'd agree with-I have one judgment you'll agree with completely!

Futa: Oh, yeah sure let's watch it-

*three minutes and forty-eight seconds later*

Futa: Yeah you were right for that. You were correct in that judgment like- God damn how may people did he kill.

Es: Probably less than Kotoko with how things are going.

Futa: ?! Some of us just deserve to be able to leave or at least have locks can we order locks.

Es: I'll order some...

Several months later-

Es: *watching Deep Cover* (Oh fuck Futa was right she is going to kill us all at this point.)

Futa (outside the glass window of the interrogation room which only has this window for the bit): *mouthing* I fucking told you!

Es: *head in hands*

Kotoko: *passed out in the fucking extraction machine*

(End of small tangent.)

All that to say Es be suffering in this job. This job sucks. They aren't paid they get put into coma for several months until they're needed. They don't even get to use the facilities or be around the prisoners like that. Who they admit to being fond of despite everything. They've admitted multiple times that this work is hard on them and they find no enjoyment from it.

They worry constantly about the sort of person this work may be turning them into. They are not doing a good job or having a good time. Trial two does it's best to consistently highlight this wherever possible.

Futa's Second Voice Drama (Baptism of Fire)

2:07s (two minutes and seven seconds in)

According to Shidou, it's likely that I won't ever be able to see with this eye again. Sucks, huh? "I didn't-" "I didn't want that to happen", is it?

3:12s (three minutes and twelve seconds in)

Heh, hahah! Milgram changes shape according to your judgment. The standards of judgment, the world that you want... This is what it's all about, huh? "...It's not like that..." Not forgiving me but forgiving Kotoko... That's what it boils down to, isn't it? Isn't this the result you wanted?! Heh. You're laughing aren't you? Even now, seeing what shape I'm in. "You're wrong, I-" "...didn't think it'd turn out like this"- right?! "A-ah..." I get that.

At times Es doesn't even agree with the judgments they made along with the audience.

Kazui Second Voice Drama Imposter Boulevard

4:20s (four minutes and twenty seconds in)

"The reason I forgave you was because I was lacking details. I still don't understand your true feelings or how things got to that point either." I see. "It was extremely hard to understand. Even with all that poetry, though, your self-absorbed nature was more than obvious." Oh, my... That's quite a sweeping generalization even though you forgave me? "It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is." It's personal? "Yeah. That's right." That's strange. I did think that despite being neutral as a warden, you had some things you disliked, but... ... Isn't it unusual to openly reveal a personal dislike as a personal dislike? (A.K.A why would you have to reveal this as a personal dislike if you could have just voted me guilty based of it being one. Unless someone else is judging me and you can't just make the decision based on your dislikes alone. Why not just say you dislike it warden and explain why I'm innocent despite that.) "You're splitting hairs!"

This leads me to believe that Es' appearance in the collaboration art is another progression of what was implied with them from the third anniversary art as well as in the second trial voice dramas.

How they're getting stained by their own judgment, their proximity to the prisoners and Milgram. That the more the judge these sins the dirtier their hands get and the further under they go. That Es as the warden of Milgram and the proxy of the audience is finally starting to question what that fully means.

And is now asking the question Milgram as a facility has asked since the beginning-

When all three trials are completed, what will be the ending that awaits the prisoners and you?

That maybe the prisoners have been when they said,

See? Aren't we the same? - You're... the same as us aren't you? You just got caught up in a bigger picture.

Futa Second Voice Drama (Baptism by Fire)

6:16s (Six minutes and sixteen seconds in)

"You and me...the same? Me, who decided not to forgive you, not anticipating that you would be severely injured for it, being the same as you... Who killed without anticipating the other person would die, is that what you're trying to say?" That's right. What's the difference...? Mahiru is still on the brink of death! If she had died from that we'd be exactly the same! "... Don't make a fool of me!" Huh? "I've seen it! The way you got amusement out of your actions like it was just a game! The way you so easily elevated yourself to act as a one-person jury!! That, being the same as me?!" ...! "You've gotta be kidding! I am the warden of Milgram, the one who judges your sins! It's not just you and Mahiru- I've faced all ten of you prisoners with my own life. Don't lump me in with someone like you, who used someone's sins for cheap entertainment!"

It's Not My Fault

1:08s (one minute and eight seconds in.)

"Sorry for hurting you, but I didn’t mean it- I am doing this is just because of being bored. We are just the same."

Futa Second Voice Drama (Baptism by Fire)

7:33s (seven minutes and thirty-three seconds in)

...Heh... Haha...Ahahahaha!! Pheeww.... WHF-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU'VE GOTTA BE A COMPLETE IDIOT! "Excuse me?" JUST HOW BIG OF A DEAL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Seems like that fancy hat and outfit of yours are making you feel real high and mighty! "Careful with your words, Prisoner no.03."

Shidou's Second Voice Drama (Aesculapius)

1:48s (one minute and forty-eight seconds in)

"Don't lump me in with you! You're an inmate, I'm the warden! Now that I've started this I intend to see it through to the end."

Now of course there are other explanations for why they would go with red instead of the usual gold associated with Es' uniform.

Red could have been chosen as an attempt at not having too many shades of yellow within one image. Though for that to make sense one would need to blatantly ignore the several shades of blue, the repeated adding of yellow and green hues on prisoners who have never had that color (looking at Haruka and Amane)- As well as the simple fact Futa's prisoner color is red and they made it lighter so Es could have the guilty color basically but we'll get there when we get there.

Still, even ignoring all of those points. The color chosen here isn't even the one most associated with Es when it comes to merchandising. Even the light from the Hallucination event has their color as green while every piece of merchandise has their color as the one behind them within the collaboration art promotional image,

The color used for most of Es' clothing here is the red that stains the edge of their uniform within their character art on the website. The color most associated with the Milgram website overall and with being guilty.

Outside of those instances this color lines the box Es holds in their second trial character art and within Undercover. The infamous 000 box. After we see it for the first time we're shown this image,

This one image displays just how similar Es is to the other prisoners within Milgram. At the same time it serves to display how above the others they believe themself to be. The other prisoners' ten boxes lie on the floor at Es' feet beneath them in ever way as their own box sits right by their side literally put on a pedestal.

This superiority Es feels is displayed from their very first interrogation,

Haruka's First Voice Drama

6:02s (Six minutes and two seconds in.)

[slaps Haruka] It hurts. What are you doing?! "I'm the prison guard. That just now is how I'll educate you prisoners. I'm allowed to do so."

Want to take this moment to point out that in Futa and Kotoko's second voice dramas Es states that punishing people with violence was never something they supported. Yet they say this is how they'll educate the prisoners right after smacking Haruka in the face then continue to get violent with prisoners over the course of trial two. Just throwing it out there for the second point.

[grabs Haruka] "Got that. Listen carefully, prisoner number one. I'll say it any number of times- I'm the prison guard. Understanding your true nature is my job. No matter what you are or whatever nasty work you've done- I'll see all of it. Making judgments is my job. To say something like that... "You'll be abandoned"? Don't take me so lightly." [faint whimpers] "Until I know your sins and complete my judgment as to whether they're forgivable or unforgivable-"

"You're objects for me to govern."

"Don't think I'll let you escape." Prison guard... [giggles] "Wait a second... Haruka, what are you smirking for?" Ah, I'm sorry. It must be creepy, right? "It does creep me out." [throws Haruka]

"It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is."

Yuno's First Voice Drama

3:44s (Three minutes and forty-four seconds in)

Hey, hey- What did you and Haruka talk about? Making that boy smile like that must've taken a lot of thought, right? "I will not divulge the contents of what was said during that interrogation. However... Let's see. Shall I enlighten you about what I did? I slapped him right in the face with all my strength and made sure it hurt." Wow~ Is that why he came back with such a bright smile? Well, isn't Haruka Mr.Kinky!"

Haruka's First Voice Drama

7:24s (Seven minutes and twenty-four seconds in.)

"It does creep me out." Ah, you've got it wrong... This is a strange thing to say but it made me a bit happy. "Happy?" Yeah. "What an odd thing to say even if I'm the one saying that. Being imprisoned being restrained even being interrogated like this too-"

Haruka's Second Trial Voice Drama

6:01s (Six minutes and one second in)

Mmnn, nnghh! ...I'm not an idiot...! "Yes you are, idiot! I don't dislike idiots who know their place, but as you are, you're a cocky idiot instead. Just looking at you makes me sick! Idiot, idiot!" Ghh...! You're mean...! "Sure I am. Anyways, right now, calm down- Haruka. Your past self would've been a lot more cooperative right now." Fssh... *sniffle*

"I just wanted to be your good boy- Why am I crying again?"

[slaps Haruka] It hurts. What are you doing?! "I'm the prison guard. That just now is how I'll educate you prisoners. I'm allowed to do so."

"Please don’t say that I am a loser- Hug me again as you once did." - "Haruka, what are you smirking for?"

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

8:30 (Eight minutes and thirty seconds in.)

"And you believe that killing someone because of that was the right thing to do?" I don't know! Then what should I have done, in your opinion? Even after stealing things important to her, my mother still wouldn't show any interest in me! Then what do you think I should have done?!

MILGRAM / Character Voice Trailer [Full Ver.] Glitched Voiceline

"Then what should have I done instead?! Tell me! Tell me so even I can understand!"

Then what should I have done, in your opinion? - Then what do you think I should have done?!

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

9:03 (Nine minutes and three seconds in)

As I thought. Warden-san, you're not my mother at all. "Huh? Never have been." Yeah... Yeah, right, everyone only has one mother. The mother who never looked at me wasn't my mother either. "What are you saying?" Heheheh, hahahaha...! "You're pretty scary, you know." Haa... I'm sorry, warden-san. For causing you trouble.

"What an odd thing to say even if I'm the one saying that. Being imprisoned being restrained even being interrogated like this too-"

Futa's First Trial Voice Drama

10:46s (Ten minutes and forty-six seconds in.)

Last words...? Oi, Es! "What is it?" Why were you laughing? "Hm?" You did so at the very beginning! You evaded my question by saying, "I was just thinking to myself"- Didn't you? I've been feeling restless ever since- That really gave me the creeps ya know?! "Oh, that. It's because you're the first prisoner to actually act like one. To be honest, it made me a little happy. So, that might be the real reason I was so keen on teasing you." Haaaa?!

"Isn't it natural to get angry in these sorts of situations?" (Haruka's First Trial Interrogation 7:48 Seven minutes and forty-eight seconds in.) - "You're the first prisoner to actually act like one. To be honest, it made me a little happy."

Over the course of Milgram- Step by step, interrogation after interrogation we learn more about Es. Their likes, dislikes- How they show concern for others. The sort of the people they're biased towards.

Yuno's First Trial Voice Drama

7:36 (seven minutes and thirty-six minutes in)

"Yuno. On the outside, you look like you're fooling around tut on the inside, you're actually a good person." Thank you for that. You're giving me too much credit though, you know? "However, it also explains why you've given up. About yourself, human beings, even the whole of society, you've realized everything- That's why your expression is so cold." Hm, what's this? A lecture?

Q.16 Do you have anyone you hate?

Yuno: People who like to lecture you.

"Just shut it, will you? You know it all."

Like really, who do you think you are? - JUST HOW BIG OF A DEAL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!

Slowly but surely we're being shown the sort of person Es is. The same way we're being shown the sort of people the prisoners are. On their second trial cds the prisoners are given doors that they are blocking in some way.

Every door is ajar or cracked open slightly.

I believe the 000 box that Es is holding within their second trial character art serves the same purpose as the prisoners doors in their second trial cd covers. It's a doorway to the sort of person Es is,

Since the one's sat beneath them are more than likely belong to the other prisoners and they all appear to be the same colors. All black with red accents to mark them as murderers/sinners. It's possible that Es while being chosen as the guard may be a murderer themselves.

Oh wait but then what about the 011 line that Kotoko says within Deep Cover,

“UNDER” Inept “011 Guard”

Well, and I type this with joy in my heart and a smile on my face. Kotoko is misinformed, ignorant, and completely incorrect about how these numbers work. Similarly to Futa- Kotoko is a character that is used to poke fun at the assumptions and behaviors of the audience.

In her case she makes fun of the audiences habits including my own of running with our own assumptions regardless of what the story tells us.

It's like Yuno said,

"Really? If you ask me, Kotoko is someone I would never want to make my friend though. She's the type who picks a conclusion from the very beginning and won't actually talk to you."

Kotoko is the sort to pick the answer she likes the most and run with. Simply ignoring anything else that may contradict her preconceived notions. Instead of compromising she's more likely to just blame everyone else around her for not falling in line with her way of doing things. Say things like people are always like this, it always goes this way etc- Without ever wondering since it's always going that way for her then maybe perhaps this may just be a her issue and there's something that she needs to work on within herself.

Naw it's society that's wrong. She's not an entitled individual that fully believes that everything in the world should bend to her whims and anyone that doesn't listen to her the voice of reason can't even be considered human.

Nothing would imply that.

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama 10:15s (ten minutes and fifteen seconds in)

How ridiculous... It's always like this... All you weaklings always act like this... All you enjoy seeing someone getting hurt... "Might be so." All of you enjoy seeing a bad person falling down... "Can't deny." You keep asking for it but as soon as it happens near you by your own choice, you all start complains and evading your responsibility-

Lol, literally no one asked you to do this. Literally no one. How I did it for you ass people get when someone goes when did I ask you to though? "Why are you people always trying to evade responsibility for what you had/made me do?"

You're always like this... Always such idiots! I acknowledge it. You're the strong one and we're weak. You're right. But that's how we are. You have no power, and yet you make no effort to gain it! You're talking about justice, but it just doesn't make sense! You're invested in people's disasters, yet you take a position of "I have nothing to do with it"! You can't even face your true selves!

Deep Cover

Swaying to and fro? Laughable justice So ridiculous, isn’t it ridiculous-

"The scale tilts to and fro, I yearn to be found “GUILTY” but it tilts towards, find me “INNOCENT”."

"Can’t stay away- Please don’t forgive me." - "What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment- Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless."

"Should I knock on the door?" - "So ridiculous, isn’t it ridiculous- They’re still here, still here, it grates me."

The swinging to and fro comment that Kotoko makes is more a reference to Shidou's second trial song and the way the audience dictates the verdicts. Swinging to and fro going up and down in percentage points.

Pretty much how the Milgram voting system works.

So, Kotoko doesn't have to be talking about Es in Deep Cover at all. In fact it would make more sense if she was talking about the audience.

Deep Cover as a song already directly references Undercover. If Kotoko saw Es' video than she should know that their number is 000. As we went over just a few paragraphs back Es' music video does nothing to hide that fact.

Now if she just heard the song that's a different story but given some of the observations she makes and the fact we know that she was hiding out in the interrogation room during extractions from Mikoto's first voice drama- Possibly making him the only person she did not see the first trial video of since Es had her leave the room before the extraction began. Though she seems to reference it just fine in Deep Cover. So, she probably still saw it.

However, he getting the numbering system from Es' video would explain why she's using three digits instead of two. Since no one would automatically assume that a group lower than a hundred would be numbered in the three digits. Usually they'd assume it'd go 1-10 straight no added zeros or how Es says it in the voice dramas,

Futa's Second Voice Drama

"Careful with your words, Prisoner no.03."

Haruka's First Voice Drama

"Got that. Listen carefully, prisoner number one."

In most instances Es hasn't even really used the extra zero themselves. It is unlikely that Kotoko got that information from general conversation. Meaning that she's either seen the visuals to get that information or completely wild assumption she just ordered the CDs to Milgram and has been listening to them all.

Since the numbers are also on those. As well as on certain promotional material,

Yet, even then 000 is on Es' own cd cover not in the center like with the other prisoners but it's there right on the left none the less,

Kotoko would have to be really bad at gathering information to miss all the things that plainly state that's Es' number is not 011- Or more than likely she was referring to the audience/voters like many other prisoners were during this trial.

Now, let's talk about the 00b used within this post. As we've gone over I'm not using the traditional numbering system. The number system I'm using is the one in the save file names for the character art on the Milgram website.

Es' character art on the website is literally named character_solo_sp_ character_00b and Jackalopes character art has the label character_solo_sp_ character_00a.

This continues to highlight what Jackalope has said about this being his Milgram and puts him firmly above Es,

This is a good time to note that the prisoners from this point forward will be numbered based on how they were in their character art file.

But the promotional images and even the cd covers use three digits. So, why don't you- This is funny. It's funny and it's new information. I don't need any other reason than the fact that I just want to honestly. Plus it's an easier way to cement the information to memory for me.

Now from this information I've begun to speculate that Kotoko may not have actually gotten a good look at the other prisoners music videos. That she is in fact going off of the assumptions of the audience. That it might be possible prisoners not only hear what the audience is saying about them but others as well.

Tying into what Kotoko said about knowing this is what the audience as well as Es wanted but now both want to act like they had nothing to do with it.

There's no reason that this couldn't be a situation of both these things happening and she not only saw the music videos but heard the audiences desires in regards to other prisoners. It's just some of the things she states in Deep Cover are so surface level that I find it hard to believe that she really got a good look at the information herself. If most of the information she has gathered is from the audience and her own observations from living with the others... It would explain why she wouldn't be aware of this other numbering system.

Since it's something directly related to the Milgram website and her circle of information begins and ends within the Milgram facility.

Unlike Futa who had QR codes throughout his second video linking directly to the websites voting page. Implying he for sure knows about the website. Something that has yet to be explained. Personally I haven't seen anyone discussing the file names of the images from the website. It certainly may not have been discussed enough for the staff to find it necessary to add into the story in any noticeable way as of now.

Meaning there's a good chance that info just wouldn't have come across Kotoko's radar yet. I don't doubt she'd know about the three digit system because it's quite literally plastered everywhere.

Either way she'd still be referring to someone else because the audience has known Es is 000 since Undercover the song her second trial one pays homage to. If she knows enough about Es' song to directly reference it than it would make sense for her to know their number too.

One could posit that Kotoko made Es eleven based on the b part which would make Jackalope the first zero. This could also be a clever attempt on her part to position Es as beneath herself. Since she's literally last in line every other prisoner is above her numerically. Something that she could find grating. This would continue her parralels with Futa and Haruka who both seem to get upset at things like that as well,

"Can I be your favorite this time?" - "Pressure, pressure! Whatever you do, you’re still last in line."

"They’re still here, still here, it grates me."

Besides the 000 box this red is predominantly associated with Milgram. As it is the same red used throughout the website. Meaning this could allude to Es being consumed by their work/losing themselves in the job as well.

The fact that the color most heavily associated with guilt is what was chosen as their predominant accent color could allude to how they've begun to view themselves over the course of Milgram due to the choices they've cosigned and the results that followed. The sparse green on the shoes possibly being representative of their good intentions and putting their best foot forward from the position they're in.

The fact that they had many areas to accent and choose to put as little of the innocent color in as possible and even add the red to inside of the cape says a good deal about the intent to me.

However, when mixed with Es' expression in the art it only becomes more apparent.

Gone is the anger of their second trial character art as they have a expression of uncertainty. Their eyes wavering as though trying to stand firm to their own choices while doubting if they were correct.

This issue was alluded to during the "Report on the end of Second Trial",

You’re afraid that your decisions are going to lead to something that you can’t take back?

"Hm, I see......how absolutely ridiculous. There is nothing in this world that you CAN take back. Not just in MILGRAM. You can’t turn back time. And anyway, whatever happens to them, none of it can be taken back. It’s not for the guard to worry about."

Anywho- on to prisoner 01!

So many pictures for Es alone well I guess that means no one else is getting a lot. Unfortunate but the others should be more straight forward.

01 Haruka

Wow, it sure would suck to be given affection just to have it taken away. That certainly would be a cruel and unusual form of punishment. Especially if the person being treated in that way stated upon first meeting them that they were wary of that happening to them again,

Haruka First Voice Drama

"I-I shouldn't get too i-involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners they might misunderstand. It's no good."

Why is that? Just do as you please. The bonds we share with people are the very thing that shows our human nature, that's what I believe.

"It's something, I can't even tell you, prison guard!"

Even to me?

"You shouldn't get too close to me. Bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I'm naturally good at. The more you know about me- I'm sure I'll bring misfortune onto you as well, prison guard."

Haruka.

"Because! Because... Ah, I'm sorry... For just talking by myself."

Continue.

"It'll happen sometime. I... I... Even though I try to be normal, everything gets ruined."

"You, everyone, if you knew me... If you knew everything that I did... I'm... I'm gonna be abandoned. That's bound to happen."

So wary in fact that one could very well consider his current circumstances a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ah, no- did I say current circumstances... My mistake-

Luckily, that didn't occur at all.

That's what I meant to say. Because that definitely didn't happen. I mean how many people would so willingly walk into such an obvious trap? I mean really- If everyone else was jumping off a cliff would that make any of you want to join them?

This is the bandwagon mentality dragged to light over the course of Milgram. A lot of the time it doesn't matter how realistic the concerns stated are.

Say for example,

What if character x hurts y?

What if the relationship between these two characters is unhealthy?

What if the choices I cosigned lead me to a situation I can't take back?

Silly concerns like that doesn't make a person more or less justified in their opinion. It's valid for anyone to think or believe anything on a situation they become aware of regardless of how little or how much they know. To ask a person not to think is the same as asking them not to exist at all.

Yet, when people assert those thoughts onto others and try to dictate how a stranger exists. Well, that's the line between an individual and society, right? At that point it's best to live at the behest of the majority no matter how incremental that majority is. It's only fair that a system puts the will of the many over the will of the few.

It's unfortunate isn't it?

Seeing what being a part of the minority feels like. To a lot of people Milgram will be their first and possibly only taste of that frustration.

The sort of frustration one feels when losing in a game, a work of fiction- Yet, would easily belittle those for feeling in regards to real world decisions that may possibly have a great negative effect on a many people.

Thinking back on every loss in Milgram. Every character that one may have wanted innocent that wound up guilty. Each one some may have wanted guilty that wound up innocent. The way many may have pushed for their desired outcome, the echo chambers created to circulate the same information over and over more easily, the fussing over what comparisons to real life forms of discrimination are okay and which are not.

All the while everyone is still compared the material to real life issues that suited their egos more. Issues that served to frame the actions presented as something the character acting them out had no choice in. Something easier to sympathize with or in other cases something completely inexcusable or unforgivable. A senseless act of cruelty by an uncaring and unsympathetic character that deserves to get as good as they gave in the narrative.

Using tactics not too different from their detractors, most people who have engaged with Milgram have worked to make their voices heard in one way or another. Be it through their votes, comments, or fanworks. All using the same social issues and biases they may balk at when used under a different framing.

Isn't it cruel to recognize that some people only care about other individuals, systemic ills, and mistreatment only as far as it allows them to support themselves and no further? As long as doing so can make them feel good.

Isn't that such an immensely disheartening thing

It's a subtle self-serving aspect of every individuals ego that they can't look past. One thinks x is good because they can relate to x and if x isn't good then that means they aren't good. So, x must have been justified, there must be a good explanation for character x's actions-

Because if there's no good explanation for them what does that say about the part of us that relates to and sympathizes with them.

If this character turns out to be bad it's as if the story itself is saying the viewer is bad.

Isn't it a terrible thing when one can't see past the good they want to see in someone and view the person who is standing right in front of them. All so they can spare their own feelings. So, the viewers ego doesn't get bruised...

It's ceases to be about gaining an understanding of the person or character becoming more about validating oneself through them.

That individual or character ceases to be a construct separate from the viewer turning into an ideal to strive for a projection of the viewers own self-worth.

The thing validating their identity.

Telling them it's okay to be as they are.

So, when the reasons laid out fail to live up to the viewers interpretation they end up feeling betrayed.

In real life this mentality would lead to the people being treated this way feeling forced to walk on eggshells in order to keep being good in that person's eyes out of fear of being discarded. Behaviors that they may want to change become hard to break because they can't be sure how that person will feel about them if they change. They try to keep a good distance from people because what if someone learns too much and doesn't want to be around them because of it. It cultivates insecurity in every action and thought.

Truly it's a lucky thing nothing like that occurred here-

Let's face the reality though.

The world is uncaring and merciless. People have the right to their feelings. Even the negative ones. Once someone is let down they have the right to show and discuss that disappointment within reason. There's no good reason to verbally berate or emotionally abuse another person disappointment or not.

If showing that disappoint means things are over,

"Are we over? Please don’t answer."/ "I imagined that you saying "See you" is the same as "It's over”."

That person who once saw the best of them can only see the worse,

"Tell me, why are you drifting away from me? Tell me, why do you say it’s my fault?" / "If you don’t hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart."/ "Hug me again as you once did."

If there's no way to proceed so things need to end,

"You won’t be forgiven, it was stupid licking each other’s wounds. Justice assemble! Till the end!" - "I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!"

"You already knew, the whole time- You can’t escape, how do you like the taste of punishment?"/ "After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry”. You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already. Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?"/ Fuck it! Don’t you think so? You won’t be forgiven, a coward, never!

If hatred ends up growing there,

"If you’re going to make me the villain- It’s ok to ignore me."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

"Hey, what if- If I am a bad girl? Don’t hate me. Don’t even try to proof from “After Pain”."/ "All those ridiculous accusations- Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it? Ahhh, It’s the same anywhere I go! It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong!"/ "Hold on. It’s not my fault- You knew it, right?"/ "All I did was dream, so you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right?"/ "I am innocent as everybody desires I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

If something occurs that can't be taken back.

"“Throw down” the invitation that I can’t take back. Lying, replacing with hope."/ "If it damaged someone’s dream to the point of stopping it. I want gouge you out with my fangs."

Those sorts of experiences are just as much life as anything other ones are.

They're not something to run away from or attempt to avoid. They're just experiences and not all of them have to be eternal for them to hold meaning. Sometimes there's eternity in the transient. That's why when people pass away they don't suddenly matter any less to the lives of the people they touched.

To expect a person's opinion not to change, the past not to follow any of us, is to run from the fullness of ourselves. Our own existence.

The simple truth is when people are presented with troubling, overwhelming things they panic, worry, and look for the path of least resistance. Our brains don't immediately slow to a crawl, panic not ensuing giving us an abundance of time to think things over and lead us to the perfect outcome.

A solution that can work for everyone. Sometimes we can only do our best with the limited time we're given.

In the same vein there are things in life that are unacceptable regardless of someone's personal reasons for committing to a course of action. Everyone has a line a breaking point and even if it's not unforgivable in the eyes of society it may still be unforgivable to the person who committed the deed.

On that note, Haruka why on earth do you have a sword?

I mean certainly you threatened to end your own life but hara-kiri isn't the way my guy. They cut people's heads off for seppuku out of mercy. Disemboweling oneself is not a fun pastime. Put the sword down and let's talk this out.

Immensely cumbersome blade one to use for that too. You positive you don't want to at least get a boxcutter from the storage closet or your close friend Mu?

All poor taste stress jokes aside- He's really doesn't seem to be holding that offensively.

The series has been foreshadowing Haruka's threats of self-harm from the beginning of the second trial. The design chosen for the cyberpunk inspired karaoke collaboration manages to invoke that imagery in a subtle new way while still eliciting the same emotion from the observers as say his timelines over the course of the second trial,

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

I don't want to spend too much time harping on such a stressful plot point.

Especially one that's been hung over the audiences head for far too long at this point in my opinion. Though it felt a bit rude to just outright ignore the implications.

Now with that acknowledged indulge me as we step down a different avenue.

That avenue being the coloring of Haruka's outfit within this colab.

I find it interesting that they used a color associated with Mu for the inner lining of his clothing. Circling back to that first voice drama for a bit... Let's take a lookback to discuss Mu and Haruka's relationship over the series.

In Haruka's first voice drama he says,

"The ones who often talk to me are Yuno and Mahiru, and uh Mikoto."

Then he goes on to add Futa and Mu,

"Also, Futa. He's a little scary but he pays attention to me. I sometimes to speak to Mu as well."

It's funny to see how things have progressed since then. Mu was the very last person Haruka mentioned. He put so many other people before her back then- But now she's kind of become all he talks and thinks about.

23/04/07

Haruka: Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. PleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-san

Then despite the fact that Mu is younger than him he refers to her as san. Though it seems Haruka refers to everyone as san. So, that isn't too weird.

Wait hold on- Except for Futa who he refers to as kun. I- what the hell Haruka???

20/06/28

Futa: You said you don’t play any games, right? Do you not watch league or premier either?

Haruka: E-eh, I, I don’t understand, what that is…… That… uh, “leeg”?

Futa: Huh!? It’s international soccer. It’s normal for guys your age to know stuff like that. What a pain… I really have nothing to talk to you about, huh. Even though we’re around the same age. Also don’t speak to me so formally. It’s gross.

Haruka: Ah, e-excu-, I don’t, I uh… got it…… Futa… kun……

21/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Haruka: U-uh, um, Futa-kun! Um! Um!!

Futa: Huh? Shut up already… Didn’t I already say not to make a big fuss about my birthday. I’m not some kid who gets excited by stuff like that anymore!

Haruka: ……?? Ah, er, i-is it your birthday……? Th-that, ah, um, h-happy birthday……

Futa: ………… You will tell nobody about this conversation.

Though that seems to be only because Futa voiced discomfort with Haruka being so formal with him. Well... Except for the fact he goes from referring to him as kun to just not using any honorifics at all trial two. Um... What the hell? Pardon?

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

Fucking Yuno going to using no honorifics for Mu to using them vs Haruka going from using them for Futa to not.

Haruka has that Zantetsu from Blue Lock "Hey only my friends can call me stupid." mindset.

Haruka with Es in his second voice drama,

"Shut up-!"

Ngh!

"GUH!"

I hit you as punishment for being an idiot! Maybe this will help remind you of your original intent.

"Mmnn, nnghh! ...I'm not an idiot...!"

Yes you are, idiot! I don't dislike idiots who know their place, but as you are, you're a cocky idiot instead. Just looking at you makes me sick! Idiot, idiot!

"Ghh...! You're mean...!"

Sure I am. Anyways, right now, calm down, Haruka. Your past self would've been a lot more cooperative right now.

"Fshh... *sniffle*..."

Don't call me stupid you're mean guard! You're a meanie! You're a jerk I hate you- I can kill anything smaller than me ya know!

Meanwhile Futa standing at 5'4ft (165cm) to his 5'7ft (174cm) "You know, you're an idiot." Haruka, "Yeah, thank you."

Alright, friendship is magic actually.

Great job you two. Great job- Round of applause for them. Because this is such subtle character work that's honestly impressive and easy to overlook.

Now back to the really overt shit.

By that I mean the,

"This is all I'm able to do..."

Foreshadowing that he's going to try to kill again because in All Knowing All Agony they literally show this is all I'm able to do over and over again as he's committing murder.

Oddly enough DoctorBunny and I were discussing this for completely unrelated reasons.

So, you can thank him for this explanation.

It's, "kore shika nai no" 'I have no other choice than this'/'I can only do this'

"This is all I’m able to do……" - "I will keep on killing to be a good boy. I can't stop, I can't stop!"

Though it is said a bit differently in the timeline itself,

"でも、僕はこういう風にしかできないから、ごめん" Demo, boku wa kouiu fu ni shika dekinai kara, gomen. But, I can't do it in any other way, I'm sorry.

Even so the same allusion can be seen.

In a way this makes it feel as though the only reason Mu and Haruka grew as close as they did was because everyone else he was speaking to had no time to do so after the first trial.

Mikoto became like that. Displaying mannerisms that Haruka admits to finding scary. Using how fear inducing Mikoto's behavior was as an excuse for why he didn't approach him until the intermission ended. Futa was having difficulties as well...

However it doesn't seem as though he was outright avoiding Haruka. Instead he seems to have been keeping a little more to himself while he tried to get a grasp on his own issues. In his attempt to tackle the issues he was facing due to his guilty verdict Futa wound up being comforted and motivated by Amane when she approached him during that difficult period.

In the same way Mu approached Haruka after their verdicts were decided,

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

22/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: Ahh…… I’m not wrong…… I wasn’t doing anything wrong…… Shut up, why are you going on an on about something so minor…… It has nothing to do with you…… Aaahhh……

Amane: Oh, were you talking to yourself, Futa-san? Or maybe there’s something there you’re able to see?

Futa: ……! O-oh, it’s just you. It’s nothing. ……but well, on that note. Hey. Don’t you have anything happening too? Since being in here, just suddenly getting anxious. Feeling as though loads of people are all there condemning you, telling you you were wrong.

Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either…… ……today is your birthday, correct? I’ll pray for God to keep you under his care.

So, Mu and Amane both approached Futa and Haruka at a time that they were both isolated and vulnerable. Many people discuss how Amane's character dissects the recruiting habbits of cults and religious groups. Yet, it's hardly discussed how Mu's characterization dissect the clique behavior of school settings.

The habit of kids taking advantage of each other by giving attention to isolated individuals within a class in return for favors. Help with difficult things. Such as someone giving the smart kid who isn't that well liked a bit of attention just so they'll maybe let that person copy off of their homework because they feel indebted to them.

Popular girls going up to new students then telling them who they should talk to and shouldn't in order to continue ostracizing certain students. Though I think a lot of people aren't at the point to discuss the cult like dynamics that take place within school settings and they way students prey upon each other within them. I'm just bringing this up because it aligns with the point being discussed.

That being Mu and Amane approached both of these guys very sneakily where others were less likely to intervene and then we rarely saw them talk to anyone else for a good stretch of time. Mu is dissuading people from going in and checking on Haruka guaranteeing that she has everything under control and is taking care of him. Kotoko is doing nothing to stop whatever he has planned and the only person who has actively attempted to convince him there's another way is someone he's fine ignoring the input of outright because he's sure he'll respect his decision even if he disagrees with it.

As well as him repeatedly stating he's doing what he's doing for Mu's sake not his own.

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

"I promise! A good girl that keeps a promise is like, mwah!"/ "I just want to be your good boy. I will keep on killing to be a good boy."

"I promise to make my dreaMU come true."

Yep, nothing similar about these two situations at all. It's only wrong to do things like this when religion is attached to it actually. There are no other circumstances where this behavior would be questionable. It's like people are more comfortable with scrutinizing religious beliefs that deviate from their norms more than actually interrogating exploitative practices.

Noooo that couldn't be- That's definitely not the case. If that were true then an adult women with the right to choose how she practices religion and raises her child for herself would be considered more of a victim than the child she was abusing. Because life is hard, raising a child by oneself is lonely, and cults exploit people at their most vulnerable. So, she'd be a victim too. Hell probably even considered more of a victim than the child by some.

Because it's easier to blame religious beliefs more than reckon with someone's consistent commitment and active choice to be their worst self. Acting like the religion was in the house with her when she decided to waterboard her daughter, go out to buy that taser, and choose not to abuse her daughter as heavily when her husband the pastor was home.

Meanwhile Mu is over here saying,

"God gave me everything, everything is as I wish."

That has nothing to do with religion though. She's just feeling herself a bit too much she doesn't really believe that god gave her everything and anyone that goes against her god given right to rule deserves to be crushed. What would give that implication.

Sorry, got sidetracked there for a bit...

My main point was Futa was having his own difficulties and to his admission later had very little time or energy to spend concerning himself with someone else. Considering how Haruka has moved from using kun to no honorifics at all it doesn't seem like either was outright avoiding the other.

It makes me wonder how these relationships would have developed if both Futa and Mu were innocent trial one, if Futa was innocent and Mu guilty, or what if Haruka, Futa, Mu, and Amane were all innocent or guilty. If both Futa and Mu were innocent alongside Haruka I could see them both taking a familial role in when it came to Haruka. Possibly making it a bit more balanced. If they were all guilty that would be incredibly interesting.

Looking into it further is making me wonder if at that point Haruka would be pleading with the warden to change their mind. Despite what he said at the beginning. Would his fear of children get worse. Would Mu have become more reliant on Haruka instead. Those sort of things.

It seems to have strained Haruka's relationship with Mikoto the most. I wonder if they were both guilty at the start if he'd have approached him more. Futa is a bit easier to discern. Since he flat out states trial two he has no time to worry about Haruka because he's not a kid. Yet, given he's the first to show concern later when he stops leaving his room this doesn't seem to be the complete truth.

His disinterest in looking after Haruka may have been his concern with his own wellbeing, him not being a kid, or simply the fact that he wasn't guilty. All Futa could see was Haruka having a good time because Haruka to his own admission was having a good time. He told Mikoto this when speaking to him on his birthday and reiterated it in his second trial interrogation through blatantly stating,

Q.03 Do you want to leave Milgram?

Haruka: I want to stay here forever.

Certainly he could just be focused on Amane due to the fact that she is the youngest there and the most in need of help. Yet, at the same time he showed concern for Mikoto who was going through similar things as he was as well warning him that it would only get worse. He also avoided speaking poorly about Kotoko in his second trial voice drama blaming her behavior solely on Es using her.

Futa has consistently tried to sympathize with individuals he's convinced himself are going through the same things as he has or is going through. It's easy to brush that off by going Haruka isn't a kid so he's not concerned- but it's telling that as soon as Haruka starts displaying mannerisms that implies he may have been voted guilty Futa is the first to go and ask if he's okay.

So, it's difficult to say if he concern towards Amane is just because she's younger than him or due to them going through similar things. Regardless of the reasons Futa's view of Haruka has changed. He's begun to view him less as someone who needs his help now possibly seeing him as an equal or someone competent enough to hold their own by themselves.

Not a person in need of coddling or favoritism. Not a pitiable weakling in need of love,

"I’m so lonesome, please love me."

In contrast we've yet to see how he views Amane now. They haven't engaged at all since the end of trial two.

23/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ……! Oi, is it just you. Don’t scare me like that. You shouldn’t just stand there saying nothing. Hah, what? Did you just come to laugh at me for being weak? Dumb brat.

Amane: No. I just came to observe. To see what people are thinking. To see who is being corrupted. What about you, Kajiyama Futa?

Futa: I understand even less of what you’re saying than I did before. Brat, you’re on the side who weren’t forgiven too, right? ……so why can you still stand. Don’t you can hear it too? The voices blaming us. ……I don’t have the energy to do anything like this.

Amane: It goes without saying. Because there’s something far more important than the voices of people we can’t even see. People are able to get back up again. As long as there’s something to guide them. Kajiyama Futa, by coincidence today happens to be your birthday, correct? Don’t you think it’s a good opportunity to be reborn? If, right now, you could shake off those around you trying to drag you down to depravity, and could change––

Since this moment the two of them haven't spoken in a timeline. There's been implications of them still communicating but they've mostly been highlighted speaking to other prisoners. We've yet to see how their dynamic has evolved over the course of trial two. Though we've seen that Futa has recognized Amane as someone going through the same thing as him.

Someone that can actually get fired up over the same things he does and understand what he's been going through. Not only that he recognized her as someone who faced what he couldn't and kept standing even after Kotoko's attacks. Since they share a similar mindset when it comes to apologies and rules.

Ultimately, Futa for reasons could no longer view Haruka and Mikoto in the same way he did within his trial one voice drama,

"Ah, Haruka and Mikoto are completely useless by themselves. I really have to take the lead with them."

They're no longer people in need of his help that were helpless on their own. Mikoto was able to stand up to and fend off Kotoko. Someone Futa couldn't handle himself. Haruka was able to be voted innocent something else Futa couldn't manage to do on his own.

Due to that innocent verdict Haruka grew more confident and assured. Maybe it was due to that newfound confidence he wound up gravitating towards certain people and distancing himself from others.

A change from his first trial because during that he was putting in more of an effort to get along with most of the prisoners. Though he was clearly uncomfortable around Amane and Kotoko. He still made an effort around them and in some cases those efforts paid off. Near the beginning of trial two Haruka makes it clear he'd been avoiding Mikoto.

This is a pretty big change from his first trial. Then he tells the audience this during his second trial interrogation,

Q.11 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with least?

Haruka: I don’t dislike Amane any more. I’m not scared of small children now.

Haruka states that he was scared of Mikoto but he no longer dislikes Amane because he's not scared of small children anymore. Instead he's now scared of an adult who encouraged him to work on his communication skills more,

20/06/05

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important. I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

"If I tried and couldn’t say it, you would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”."

something similar to what he was complaining about being unable to do in Weakness. Now Haruka's discomfort and fear around Mikoto could be due to him going a bit out of control during the intermission as Mikoto claimed. However, it isn't particularly difficult to see how Haruka could be projecting his issues with his parental figures onto Mikoto as well.

In the same way he's begun to consider Mu his mother he could see his abusive father within Mikoto. Similarly to how Kotoko's form of punishment may have reminded Amane of her own mother. Playing into how Haruka is looking to make his mother proud and Amane is looking to make her father proud.

As well as why we see both Mu attempt to mirror Shidou's caretaking behavior towards Mahiru with Haruka. In order to cement her importance and show her usefulness. In a way do what Shidou has done and prove that she's indispensable in her own right. Prove that she's just as needed as him because she's the only one who can take care of Haruka right? No one else can.

Presenting this parallel between Shidou and Mu while having Haruka refer to her as his mother draws to attention Shidou's own attempts to take on a paternal role when it comes to Amane. It's as though regardless of whatever option is chosen Milgram is recreating the circumstances and validating the mindsets that led the characters to offend to begin with.

Once Haruka had been assured and gained some confidence he separated himself from people who seemingly had a lower standing than him and gravitated more towards those with the same one. This is even reflected in his statement on the attacks trial two,

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Haruka: Scary- But aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?

A sentiment that mirrors Mu. Despite everything those people have done for him. Mahiru even being the first person to wish him happy birthday within the prison. Despite those trial one moments the audience never sees Haruka attempt to reach out to Futa, Mahiru, or Mikoto during the first trial intermission.

Even though prior to their verdicts he had recognized that they were there for him and had reached out to speak to them with ease.

He uses Mikoto being scary as an excuse for his negligence when it came to checking in on him but he didn't check in on Futa either. Mahiru was and is still to our knowledge injured and he hasn't checked on her once.

Yet, he did make sure to check in on a certain someone who has remained innocent,

21/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Haruka: Y-Yuno-san. Good morning! T-today’s your birthday, right……? Ha-happy birthday……!!

Yuno: Oooh…… Thanks? You’ve definitely changed a bit huh, Haruka. You speak a little louder now, and actually look people in the eyes when you talk.

Haruka: Eh, ah, i-is that so…… I wasn’t, aware of it myself, but…… Heh, hehe. Is that so.

Yuno: Ding ding! My sensor is telling me…… this is probably a girl’s influence. Well, everyone here is slowly changing, I guess. Even me.

Ahn, while I'm here throwing people under buses lets hit the gas a little harder.

For someone uninterested in their own age he sure remembered Yuno and Kotoko's birthday's rather easily. And you know what let's turn that bus into a semitruck for someone not interested in his own age he certainly remembered his own birthday just fine-

20/06/22  (Haruka’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……*sigh*……

Mahiru: Haruka-chaaan, come over here a bit! I’m looking up everyone’s horoscopes right now to check our compatibility~ What’s your star sign~?

Haruka: Ah, erm…… s-star sign……? I-I don’t know. Can’t remember…… B-but, my birthday’s June…… 22nd…… I think, that was it……

Mahiru: Ok then. June 22nd is Cancer, so…… A kind person who prioritises their feelings, and…… hm? That’s today!? June 22nd! You should have told us~ Happy birthday~!

Haruka: Huh? Ah, yeah…… Th-thank you…… very…… much…… hehe……

Like not even gonna hold anybody up Haruka has every prisoner's birthday who he cares about memorized.

20/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……Kazui-san…… um…… Are you, happy…… on your birthday……?

Kazui: Hm? If I’m being honest, at this age I don’t really think much about birthdays any more. But…… it can be nice to have as a means to start something. Like, for a friend you haven’t seen in a long while, it’s a good excuse to suddenly start up a conversation, you know? Being able to hear from a bunch of people like that makes it fun.

Haruka: I-is that, so…… That’s… nice…… I’m, kind of… jealous. But, I’d also, want to hear from people…… e-even if, there isn’t a reason……

Kazui: Haha, but it can’t always be like that. You know, for us adults…… we always want a reason or an excuse for everything. ……hm? Wait, is today my birthday? So is that why you went out of your way to talk to me yourself for once, Haruka?

To the point he wished Kazui a happy birthday when Kazui didn't even know it was his birthday himself. Mahiru got that information and Haruka kept notes. This is literally Kazui's first birthday interaction.

The only way Haruka would know this is from what Mahiru did.

So like he could've checked in on any of the guilty prisoners or wished them a Happy Birthday he chose not to. Well every prisoner's except Futa's whose birthday he did not bother to remember considering their interaction on,

21/04/19  (Futa’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……?? Ah, er, i-is it your birthday……? Th-that, ah, um, h-happy birthday……

And how when he doesn't even wish him happy birthday during the timeline on April 19, 2024. Instead they just talk about if he's really okay with this.

So, some characters simply don't remember the birthdays of certain prisoners.

Now there is a chance that series decided there were more pertinent moments to highlight over the intermission outside of those. That wouldn't change the fact that the series has shown Haruka forgetting Futa's birthday once and he didn't wish him Happy Birthday during the timeline this year either. Making it more likely he simply forgot again.

Something that is implied to have happened with Mikoto on Kazui's birthday. Since Kazui has to straight up tell him it's his birthday. As well as the fact that the series has been pretty good at implying when more than one person has told a character happy birthday. As shown with Mikoto. maybe the canon decided it wasn't important to overtly display that and instead just imply it which may be the case with Futa.

Then there's that timeline I keep bringing up but not showing where Haruka does blatantly admit he's been avoiding Mikoto,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

It's even implied he remembered Mikoto's birthday in this timeline. Sure, maybe that is wishful thinking on Mikoto's part. However, given Haruka's timing in the past and his consistency I don't think he's forgotten.

Mikoto may not be able blame him but I can.

His behavior over the course of the first trial intermission and during the beginning of trial two can come off as cocky and full of himself. As Es aptly put it he went from an idiot who knew his place to a cocky idiot. Due to his innocent verdict he went from believing he was wrong to boldly stating,

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong."

Is it really surprising that he'd want to be around people of his own standing when this is his mindset.

Of course he wasn't making too much time or trying to be seen with people who were deemed in the wrong or losers. He's better than that. Es and the audience said he was better than that. That he wasn't wrong. All of them collectively extended forgiveness and understanding to him. Then like the old saying goes,

"Give people an inch and they'll take a mile."

He took a mile and ran with it right alongside Mu,

"I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen. It’s not my fault."

Whatever happens to the people who weren't found innocent isn't their problem. I mean those are all people Es found bad and they saw them as good. So, they must be right about that too.

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Haruka: Scary but aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?

Q.10 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Mu: It seems pretty rough. But the people getting punished are the ones the guard said they wouldn’t forgive, right? So isn’t it fair enough?

To question Es' judgment for them is to doubt their own innocence.

Meaning, Es has to be right for them to be right.

For that to be the case then the attacks have to be justified those people were wrong and they got what was coming to them. They were the scary ones not Kotoko the person the guard found innocent who jumped several people.

In fact she's someone that Haruka felt comfortable confiding his plan in. Someone he had no issue going up and conversing with after everything that was done. Because she's innocent and if the guard found her good like him then she must be good.

It's only natural for him to confide in her especially since she's so close to guard after all.

I mean,

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time.

Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you.

Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets.

Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly…… Of course he'd tell her.

Kotoko has gone about the prison announcing that she's working directly alongside Es since the first trial intermission started. To the point that multiple people have actively brought up the questionable nature of Es' associates.

Hell, Jackalope brought up this was the case in the trial one end report-

I told you before, that she doesn't look like just anyone, but I didn't think she'd make it this far.

"It’s unprecedented for a prisoner to try to negotiate a verdict. But you decided to agree to it, good grief. I don’t know what will happen bringing an outside influence into your job. But whatever the cause, your verdict is all that matters. So you better take that in."

So, the implication that she was going around getting full of herself and presenting the idea that she was working with the guard was rather immediate. Then Jackalope, Yuno, and Futa all made it clear that Kotoko was directly associating Es and the audience while doing what she did.

Claiming that this was the will of Milgram, the guard, and her. Of course if Kotoko is on such good terms with the guard Haruka and Mu are going to try to be on good terms with her.

This leads into Kotoko being blamed for Mu's circumstances this year,

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of your way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

It was easy to blame Kotoko. Haruka and Mu thought if they just picked the right friends,

Q.18 Do you regret anything?

Mu: I think maybe I should have chosen my friends a bit more carefully.

Had the right parent, or environment-

Q.10 If you could turn back time, would you commit the same “murder”?

Haruka: I don’t know. If I was in Milgram I probably wouldn’t.

Then none of this would have happened.

It wasn't a problem with their mindsets or choices it was always an external issue outside of their control. So, of course they would believe just being alright with the right people, within the right place, not causing any trouble or giving any solid opinion on what was going on around them would only help their cases.

Q.19 Would you forgive the other prisoners?

Haruka: Yes. They all must have had their reasons.

Q.13 What do you think of the other prisoners’ voting results?

Mu: I don’t care, wouldn’t it be better to just forgive everyone? Let’s just get along.

Neither wants to rock the boat too much. Because as a lot of people like to remind us when the nail that sticks up gets hammered down. It's best to just toe the line between pitiable and competent enough to be needed.

Yet, being that doesn't get anyone attention. It doesn't make others look at them as their favorite person. Would just skirting by like that feel fulfilling enough to them? Is that sort of lifestyle something that could satisfy their egos.

"If you want to betray from jealousy."

Q.20 Did you hate the person you killed?

Haruka: I wonder if I did. I was jealous of them.

“Can I be your favorite this time?”

"I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."/ "I told you I’m queen, and it will never be changed."

Jealousy and betrayal have been themes that appear within both Haruka and Mu's stories repeatedly. The tables being turned on them, people's opinions of them changing, that inconsistency of moving from top to bottom over and over again. Even the relationship they formed within Milgram with each other is unequal.

Where from Haruka's perspective it's codependent and they're both relying on each other but from Mu's it's that of queen and servant. That of a leader and their lesser. Haruka listens to her not the other way around because,

Q.01  What do friends mean to you?

Mu: People who listen properly to what I say.

That's what friends are for after all.

My point is that both Haruka and Mu got it in their heads that Kotoko was someone special to the guard. Someone that had been given the right to act in such a way from the guard. That she was their favorite and since she was the one who did the attacks they had better not complain. Because Kotoko presented herself as being such. The guard found her innocent while knowing the proposal she had made. Of course she would make it clear to anyone in hearing range that the guard accepted her deal.

It was the only way for her to continue to differentiate herself from the others. The only thing that allowed her to believe that she wasn't like them. That she wasn't just another prisoner. That she had some control over the system. Even if all she was doing amounted to playing dress up as the deputy for a short while. The guard had still accepted her and treated her as an equal.

Nothing could change that and that made her different from all of them. She did something no one else was able to she brought the guard down to her level and made sure everyone knew it. This wasn't just about the will of the guard or Milgram but about her will as well.

During trial two a lot of prisoners attempt to replicate Kotoko's behavior to varying success. Haruka is the most overt example of this. As he attempts to imitate Kotoko's behavior and make a deal with the guard of his own for Mu's innocence.

Haruka doesn't just do this to prove that he can be the guard's favorite too that his word can hold some weight with them. He mostly does this as a last ditch effort because he's afraid of how a guilty verdict will change Mu. In the first place the only reason that Mu decided to give Haruka attention more actively directly after her innocent verdict. It wouldn't be hard for Mu to associate her innocent verdict with her change in heart towards him.

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

Yet, everyone else who used to pay him any mind stopped doing so after they were voted guilty. So regardless of if he wants to be the guards favorite which it's implied he wants to be in All Knowing All Agony he still would have had a vested interest in avoiding Mu being guilty if he didn't want her to change on him too.

But the thing is with Haruka and Mu they're both after the same thing- Attention and they'll both do anything to get it.

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

So, it should be a bit concerning that Mu is talking to Kotoko about how no one is paying attention to her any longer all the while Haruka is now being shown talking to everyone but her.

"And can I just say, you really let her rile you up, don’t you? Does she touch a raw nerve or something? Oh before I forget, about Haruka Sakurai......are you sure about that “guilty” verdict? Weren’t you offered some sort of deal? I mean, not that I care. I guess that means you thought the same."

But that's a matter for another day I suppose. During Haruka's second voice drama he attempts to weaponize any positive feelings Es has towards him and the prisoners in general to sway how they'll vote on Mu's trial later on by threatening his own life. Because certainly Es wouldn't want any of the people they've grown to know in Milgram to die or get hurt if they could stop it.

That was obvious from their response to Kotoko's action.

So, if Haruka cannot threaten them directly in order to coerce the outcome he wants out of them the next best thing would be to threaten himself. If the gambit succeeded Haruka would not only have secured that Mu wouldn't change on him but he would be the favorite that Es made a deal with. He would have done something that even Kotoko could not do. Haruka would be the one who managed to sway Es' verdict not for his own benefit but for someone else's.

Haruka doing this sets up Mu and Kotoko attempting to do so again later well. As Kotoko tries to convince Es to vote everyone but her guilty and Mu attempts to convince Es to just vote everyone innocent. Both of them being far too late when it came to those requests or suggestions. Kotoko does this by attempting to persuade Es and the audience to vote everyone outside of herself guilty through Deep Cover. While in her voice drama Yonah she tries to convince Es similarly to Mu in her second trial voice drama to stop thinking so hard about all of this and just leave the judgments to her.

Mu's Second Voice Drama [Queen B]

Original Transcript

"Either way, there are prisoners much more deserving of a 'not forgive' than me, so I think you should focus your energy on those guys instead. Like, Kotoko-san has been up to no good for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn't it?"

...You're making my blood boil.

"Anyway... I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun would be safe, too. Ah, actually, couldn't you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won't run amok, and you won't have to think about all the difficult stuff!"

...That is... a very enticing proposal.

My own interpretation of it,

"Either way there are prisoners much more deserving of a guilty verdict than me. So, I think you should focus your energy on those people instead. Like, Kotoko for example. She's been up to no good- Ah, but all the things she did were approved by you, weren't they?"

....You're making my blood boil.

"Anyway- I think it would be good for you to forgive me. That way Haruka would be safe too. Ah, actually- Couldn't you just forgive everyone? If you do that then Kotoko won't run amok and you won't have to think about anymore difficult stuff!"

"I mean, I personally would just say GUILTY to all of them to avoid all this hassle."

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH] (This is literally going to just be my interpretation of what was provided.)

Have I... Failed...as a warden?

"It's alright... It's alright, Es."

Kotoko...

"Come here."

No... I- d-don-

"It's gonna be alright."

L-let me go, Kotoko...

"I know it well. It's difficult to take on the responsibility of guard all by oneself. I've felt that way too. You're such a kind person. You can barely stand after seeing how the prison has changed through the power of your judgments. You need someone by your side that you can rely on to help carry that weight. Leave all the dirty work to me."

I'm... a kind person...?

"Is your head still hurting? Don't worry. Leave it to me, together we'll be able to create the right Milgram."

I see... that Milgram... ...N-no! Let me go. Stop holding me.

"What?"

I... I'm not wrong..! [punches/hits self]

"What are you doing hurting yourself like that? Have you lost your mind?"

"Me... as a warden...imperfect? Have I- failed...as a warden?"/ "Please don’t say that I am a loser."

"Don't get ahead of yourself. It's all good and well that you've changed, but your past self just might have been smarter."

...!!!!!!

"..."

Ugh...! Why? Why, why, why are you saying things like that?!

"...!"

It's weird! you said you forgave me, Warden-san! It's weird for you to tell me that I'm wrong now!

"...!"

Arg- it's weird! It's weird!!

"Pipe down! You're hurting my ears."

...You're mean. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!

"Hahah! You sure have developed an attitude. Go ahead and try. Idiot!"

Don't... make fun of me!

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong!"/ "I'm...not wrong..!"

"Mommy, look, I’ve done great “There there, my good boy!”/ "You're just like a guardian, Jackalope."/ "……You’ve finished your duty and it’s nighty night time. Okay, okay. You did a great job. You've exceeded my expectations. Good night, Es."

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH]

If you keep up like this Milgram will turn into a huge mess!

"Even so, I've been dealing with it this whole time! I've been desperately thinking about all the prisoners including you! So, I don't think I was ever wrong! No matter what hell I turn this place into I won't run away or make someone else deal with it!"

...!

"That's what being warden means! It's my responsibility to step into you prisoners' hearts and minds! That's why it's up to me to reconsider if I continue to work with you."

Es' Voice Drama

"Got it."

"Why?" You're not gonna ask me that?

"It's that kind of thing right? I have a duty to govern this prison. Even if my memories are hazy, that's all I remember."

Heh, that's perfect.

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH]

[sighs and scratches at head] How stupid... Ah, it's always like this. All weaklings at this way. You all enjoy seeing someone get hurt.

"Maybe so."

Revel in seeing a bad person fall.

"Can't deny."

All of you keep asking for it then as soon as it happens near you due to your own choices you all start whining and evading responsibility. You're always like this- always such idiots!

"I acknowledge it. You're the strong one and we're weak. You're right but that's how we are." / "I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling- I was in denial, I was in denial."

If Haruka is given the attention he's been begging for from the audience or any of the other prisoners it's readily apparent how competent he actually is. Despite his consistent downplaying of his abilities. He's the one prisoner within Milgram who has managed to fly under the radar and not have animosity flung towards them by any of the other prisoners.

He's managed to be on decent terms with everyone. Something that Mikoto the more outwardly sociable of them has failed to do. In fact despite Mikoto doing his best to get along with everyone he's ultimately wound up shunned and treated like a imminent threat by everyone within the prison and he's only bringing more ire his way.

Meanwhile Haruka has the concern of most of the Milgram prisoners. When he holes himself up in his room he has multiple to people asking if he's alright despite their current circumstances. Shidou even taking time away from looking over Mahiru and having beef with a child to ask Mu if he's alright.

All while still recognizing he isn't a child and someone who's decisions and privacy deserve to be respected. When he asks Kotoko to cooperate with him by looking the other way she agrees. Despite her dismissing all of Mikoto's attempts to team up since the beginning this series.

20/07/01

Mikoto: Hey, hey, Koto-chan. I’ve been thinking this ever since I first heard your name, but don’t you think the names “Mikoto” and “Kotoko” kinda sound like siblings?

Kotoko: No.

Mikoto: Don’t say that! Let’s get along well from here on as the Koto-Koto combo!

Kotoko: I’m not doing that.

23/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……please, don’t tell anyone. And also, please, don’t get involved. All I can do, is ask, you……

Kotoko: ––Fufu, fufufufufu. That’s a crazy thing to be thinking. Honestly, it’s weird. But I don’t hate it. If only all the wrongdoers were like you.

Haruka: No…… that’s wrong…… That’s not, why I’m doing, this…… This, isn’t for me…… I have to protect…… so, Kotoko-san…… please……

Kotoko: Eh? Ah, yeah, yeah. Well, I promise I won’t get in your way. Honestly, if I could, I’d love to do it myself, but I’ll step back this time. As for what happens next…… I wonder. It depends on Es.

That's some embarrassing shit right there. It's more than likely because Haruka came to Kotoko from a position of her lesser and not from the angle of an equal that led to her being so accommodating. However, there's a stark contrast between Haruka's timeline interactions trial two and Mikoto's,

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

23/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Futa: Oi, you. Is he ok? He’s not even left his room lately.

Mu: You mean Haruka-kun? Hmm. Yeah, probably. I’ve been bringing all his meals to him so he should be fine. Isn’t that great of me?

Futa: Hah? Who the hell says that sort of thing about themself. ……ah, no, well, right now I understand a bit. When you’re feeling down, it’s nice to have someone who relies on you and accepts you. The rest of us can’t really understand you from where we’re standing. But well, if you’re Haruka’s “salvation” then I guess it really is great.

Mu: Salvation……? I don’t know what you mean. Futa-kun, you don’t sound like yourself. Did you hit your head or something? Oh, wait, you actually did, didn’t you. Ahaha. Ah, putting that aside though, did you know it’s my birthday today?

Like hell not even in their trial two timeline interactions but in the prisoners response to Mikoto isolating himself in comparison to Haruka and Amane isolating themselves. Even from Futa he's coming over here concerned but when Mikoto's verdict was impacting him this was his response,

21/10/06           (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

At east in this timeline there's an implication that everyone else will wish him a Happy birthday. Yet, going into trial two it's easy to interpret that as Futa's wishful thinking. The implication from his 2022 and 2023 birthday timelines is everyone is avoiding him out of fear.

I won't be putting the Haruka and Mikoto timeline again because I feel like I've repeated it enough but for clarity here's the statement that implies that,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

And his 2023 birthday timeline is just him having conversation amongst himself.

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……I wonder if there really is another version of me. And the fact my clothes are in rags and everyone is scared of me is his fault. Even being a “murderer”…… but it’s hard to just believe something like that.

Mikoto: If I talk like this can you hear me? If you can hear, please respond. Why would you do something so horrible. Hey, it’s all your faut, right? ……answer me!

Mikoto: ……Aaaaa!! But I did it for me……! If not, I would’ve broken!!

Mikoto: ––What am I even doing…… Of course I won’t conveniently just get a response like that. I should just stop thinking about everything now…… I’m tired……

No one was really checking on him to see if he was fine or eating properly. The same can be said with Amane too. This could be because regardless of their verdicts they were still going on as normal and not holing themselves up in their rooms. However, multiple people note their changes in behavior and still do nothing to intervene or check on them.

Except Shidou who does make attempts to check on Amane after Kotoko's attack but is pretty much told to prioritize the dying woman you weird by Kazui. Which one hundred percent fair he was right for that. In contrast to Shidou's shown concern for both Haruka, Amane, and Mahiru-

20/07/03

Shidou: Sakurai-kun……? Show me your hand.

Haruka: Heh!? No, I…… There’s, n-n-nothing wrong.

Shidou: Show me. ……the palm of your hand is bleeding. I’ll have to disinfect it. Does this always happen……?

Haruka: A-ah…… It’s, j-just a habit…… I-if I’m nervous, I grip my hands, too hard, so my nails……

21/10/24  (Shidou’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……oh, Yuzuriha-kun. It’s unusual so see you around this early. Wishing me a happy birthday…… probably isn’t the what you’re here for, huh.

Kotoko: No, it is. Happy birthday, Shidou. Though it’s not like I bought you a present or anything. But while I’m here, I’d also like to ask you something. Has anything changed for you recently? Having nightmares, hearing voices, feeling anxious…… anything like that.

Shidou: Not especially, no. ……ah, so this is about how Kajiyama-kun and Shiina-kun have been strange recently? And she’s been trying to hide it, but Amane too…… We’ve been living in these conditions for a while…… it’s not unusual for there to be an impact on us mentally. Are you worried about them? You’re a very caring person.

Kotoko: Hmm, so you noticed? If nothing’s wrong with you, then that’s good. ……if I’ve understood properly, that means you’re safe…… Once again, happy birthday, Kirisaki Shidou.

This timeline takes place after the one between Mikoto and Futa where the audience is shown how Mikoto's verdict is impacting him. Shidou mentions how despite Amane attempting to hide it something is clearly bothering her, Futa, and Mahiru. Yet omits the guy who was noticeably acting weird in the timeline right before this one. I cannot make this shit up their birthdays are literally in the same month.

These timelines happened within two weeks of each other and he was just not concerned about that. He didn't clock that as weird but he's giving Amane so much attention even though she's to his admission trying to hide it he's noticed her having issues as well. Mikoto isn't really doing much to hide his change in temperament.

Shidou notice this change though and to his own admission does not appreciate the change,

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

There is no positive spin one can put on they became like that it is usually something said with judgment and not positive judgment. In contrast Haruka, Futa, Mahiru, and Amane's new dispositions were recognized as out of the ordinary and met with concern.

Shidou even going as far as to put worrying about Amane above or equally as important as Mahiru's health at a point. To the extent that Kazui has to remind him to prioritize and in response he basically goes as the adults within the prison the children are a priority.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

She literally just got jumped Shidou can you stop harassing this child for like one day? She's been at deaths door all of trial two but she was fine enough for you to have this concern right after her ass got kicked. Shidou several months after the jumping, "These attacks were atrocious. People almost died."

Shidou at best five days after the attacks occurred, "It's Amane's birthday though."

Kazui, "Sir if you don't go back to helping the woman about to die and prioritize properly don't look at me all sad the hell?! She's dying."

Mahiru in her room struggling to breath or sit up straight with her fractured ribs, "It's fine Yuno I can do it."

Yuno, "No, you can't I'll get it you stay still where is Shidou?"

"I can't allow a child to be making a face like that."

Meanwhile Mahiru is in the back struggling for air just like she left her significant other in the weirdest display of narrative karma to ever exist. Probably having trouble breathing for the first time in her damn life like this- is what this feels like. Then he shows up to his second interrogation like I'm the only help she has. Bitch you were more concerned with giving Amane any sort of birthday celebration instead of checking on her.

Someone had to softly remind him that two people just got beat into the dirt and needed medical attention. So maybe this isn't the time to be thinking about a birthday. This is how Shidou parallels Mu as well. This is his I'm failing to read the room moment. This is him showing I only care about the things I care about. It's Amane's birthday I care about Amane because she's a child.

We should do something for her even though she is uninjured. Same energy as come on you're free Yuno celebrate.

22/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday.

Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that.

Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate.

Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

Excuse me? Hello, people almost died and could very well still die... This is not the time for either of these issues. This is why when Mu praises herself for taking care of Haruka and bringing him food Shidou praises her right back. Because they both use people around them to validate themselves and their actions.

Aren't I doing so good by taking Haruka food? I saved Kajiyama-kun and Shiina-kun aren't I indispensable hostage game but you know it's all up to me right? You need me to take care of them right? So innocent.

I swear a good majority of people hear someone is in a medical or caretaking profession and just assume that person has oodles of empathy. They're just filled to the brim with consideration for all their fellow men when it is just a job. It doesn't make anyone more or less caring if they go into those professions. In fact there are a lot of incidents regarding abuse by people in those professions towards patients or the people they were tasked in looking after.

Sorry if that's disappointing to some people but a person is going to be the same person they were without a doctorate once they get doctorate. If someone was a mean uncaring individual before they started studying this thing chances are they will remain that person after. Getting a degree is not the same as working on oneself and their communication skills with others it is just school. There is no piece of paper that will magically make someone a good person who is right all the time and can do no wrong.

So let's talk about Shidou's wrongs towards Haruka and Amane in particular. Shidou infantilizes Haruka. He's straight ageist to Amane everyone knows that but the reason he acts the same towards Haruka is because he does not view Haruka as a person with agency or intelligence. This is why Kazui and Shidou are so comfortable talking about their attempts at negotiating a ceasefire with Kotoko around him.

No other prisoner mentions this in their interrogations but it's fine if Haruka overhears because he more then likely won't even understand what they're talking about. He talks at Haruka. Telling him bluntly to show him his hand. He doesn't ask if he's okay or if something happened.

This is something he does with Amane as well. Considering he downright ignored the fact that she does not like sweets then went ahead and ordered her a cake for her birthday. After Kazui asked her about it her previous birthday and she basically told him the same thing she tells Shidou the next year.

20/06/27  (Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: Zzz…… zzz…… ……nnh……

Kazui: Oh, Amane, it’s your birthday today, right? Shina-chan told me. Happy birthday. Have the others already celebrated?

Amane: ……thank you very much. That’s right. A few have spoken to me. I don’t personally consider my birthday that important, but I’ll gratefully accept the well-wishes.

Kazui: Even so, though, it’s not like I have a present to give you or anything. Sorry. ……if push comes to shove, maybe I can ask the guard for a cake. Depending on their mood, they might agree to it.

Amane: No, that’s fine. I’m not especially fond of that sort of thing. I’ll just accept your kind words as a gift.

21/06/27  (Amane’s Birthday)

Shidou: Amane, I heard it was your birthday today. I asked Es-kun if we could get this cake to give to you……

Amane: I don’t need it. I’ll gratefully accept your well-wishes, but I don’t eat things like that. Also…… Shidou-san, I can’t say I’m especially fond of the way you assume that all children will love frivolous things like this.

Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding.

Amane: ………… ……cake……

So, either Kazui just didn't tell him this information last year when she said it which fair why would he. He doesn't have to report back to Shidou. However that would mean he saw this man order and set up this cake. Saw it in the fridge and at no point went huh that's weird I should probably tell him she doesn't like cake and instead went,

"Hm well not my mistake not my problem. Some people gotta learn on their own."

And Shidou did not in fact do the thing he's known for which is hearing a child state their boundaries and then blatantly ignoring them like with the pancakes. If it's easier to believe Kazui didn't casually go up to him and be like well she said she didn't like cake and he went to himself no all kids like cake she must be putting up a tough front then decided to test it on her birthday.

Like if there's a cake here in front of her then of course she'll eat and if she has to hear everyone else enjoying what a great cake it is to actually try it than that's just what it takes. Like a dude trying to feed mashed peas to a baby like mmm it's actually really good you're really missing out. Haruka on the other hand is less defiant than Amane the second trial commence notice states being voted innocent,

"Being found “innocent” furthered his self-affirmation, and unlocked his desire to be dominated."

He wants to be told what to do. Literally his first glitched voice line is him repeatedly asking then what should he have done instead. Because if someone just tells him than that's what he'll do.

This brings up a parallel between Amane and Haruka the themes of obedience and disobedience. Where Haruka is asking to be led by someone anyone and be told exactly what he needs to do to be good in their eyes and Amane has been given those rules but keeps breaking them because they conflict with her own morals and sensibilities.

Haruka had no guidance but Milgram comes out the gate in his character description on the website and goes if you talk to him he will listen and learn. He does what Es deems okay. He tried to make a deal and threats because Es responded to that positively when Kotoko did it. Are we on the same page now.

Just as Es takes in the judgments the audience makes on all the prisoners Haruka takes in what the audience end up favoring and disliking then tries to mold himself around that to get the attention he wants. To be the audience and Es' favorite Haruka is possibly going to keep changing and aligning himself more with what will get him the response he wants. If that means he has to keep killing because the people with the highest body counts are innocent and he's sitting at guilty while possibly having the lowest than just guess what he's gonna do.

Now let's get back to that Mikoto parallel. Haruka being acceptance/community and Mikoto's being denial/ostracization. This connects Mikoto to Mu narratively as well both of their narratives have a lot to do with denial and isolation.

For example (since Haruka's section has just become a trial two recap at this point fuck if you got this far you're here now),

"Ahhh- It’s the same anywhere I go. It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong." / "I told you I’m queen, and it’s always the same."

"I see it in my dreams even though I erased it- Maybe I’m done."/ "I’m probably not to blame. It’s probably nothing. I’m probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon."

"I don’t want tomorrow to come, I want to forget yesterday I was miserable."/ "I was having such a hard time, I was trying so hard."

"But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?"/ "If I could laugh, If I could go back I’d play dead even though I’m alive right?"/ "Let’s meet up inside the pain, a place just for me postmortem makeup to hide my heart, how to solve it is a secret. The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note “I love YOU”."

"The minus energy that I swallowed hugged me. Maybe it’s ok to try to keep on living split in half, make that heart beat."/ "But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe? Tell me."/ "Why, hey why, please let me out of here. Please tell me it’s a mistake, that’s it’s a lie. That I’m right, I’ll forgive you if you tell me now."

"If you’re going to make me the villain. It’s ok to ignore me."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"/ "There’s no special meaning, I got the short end of the stick. I overheard, I found out how much I’m not needed."/ "All those ridiculous accusations hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it?! Ahhh, it’s the same anywhere I go. It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong. I’m already the fake one."/ "Because it’s not my fault I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

"Take more and more (honey) and devote to me."/ "Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying? Cling to me, hoist me up as your “savior”, stand up and sing out your gratitude, that’d be good."

"Hey, what if If I am a bad girl. Don’t hate me."/ "All I did was dream, so you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right? Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down."/ "Hold on. It’s not my fault. You knew it, right?/ "I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right."

"If you want to betray from jealousy. You know what’s gonna happen ON YOU."

"I was in denial, I was in denial." - "I was wrong. Yes, it was me."

20/06/05

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important. I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

"Tell me, why are you drifting away from me?" - "Tell me why? Please don’t change."

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

"Don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me." - "I just wanted to be your good boy. Why am I crying again?"

21/06/22   (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

“Can I be your favorite this time?”/ "Mommy, look, I’ve done great “There there, my good boy!” I promise to make my dreaMU come true."

"Aww! I just want to invent myself I'm a cute chimera sewn crooked <- new!" / "I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

"Don't be so selfish for the same new, then you start all over. Which way am I going, oh yeah, it's up to me. What I want to do, oh yeah, it's up to me."

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

Love how he just lies here by the way. Mu is trying to confide in him about how the atmosphere has been bad for her recently and he's just goes nope not me I'm fine actually. Certainly I'm sitting at guilty and locking myself up in my room but that's just because I'm thinking about how to keep my promise to you and nothing else.

Definitely not thinking about how I could change myself to get the audience to be interested in me again. Definitely not. Just thinking about keeping my word for your sake because you're my mom.

Meanwhile the following month,

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of your way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

It's so fucking funny that Kotoko just admitted she's praying for a kids downfall like Shidou is. The Kotoko and Shidou overlaps they're amazing I need to see them fight. But my point is here Mu goes out of her way to lecture Kotoko because no one else will give her attention on her birthday even Haruka.

Who since being out of his room has talked to anyone but her. Kine of weird and suspicious. Yet there relationships was always more an aligning of interests and nothing deeper than that. One could just say Mu got the short end of the stick and realized again just how much she wasn't needed. She was trying to prove her worth by bringing him food and taking care of him but since he's gone out of his room he's relied anyone but her.

Weird. Whelp none of my business. Sometimes that's how it is and maybe he just wants Mu as far from his behavior as possible. Most of the prisoners tend to dote on Haruka. Mu bringing his food to his room while he wasn't holing himself up in it, Futa and Shidou both taking time out of their days to go check on him despite stating they have bigger concerns...

These small actions show just how much the other prisoners care about Haruka and have grown to care about him over the course of milgram. I mean Haruka is nice, not intimidating to approach, timid and seeing his growth and being a part of it in particular can instill hope in the prisoners in a hopeless situation. A lot of prisoners look at Haruka as there second chance.

Because he to many prisoners embodies the people they failed or let down. Someone vulnerable, someone that relied on them, someone who couldn't speak up for themselves. Through his presence a few of them feel they can make amends for their previous mistakes. They don't even really treat him like a threat or a murderer most of the time.

This is why I brought up Shidou earlier. He isn't just like this with Haruka of course yet his mannerisms when it comes to this are more prevalent when one looks at how he engages with Haruka and Amane. Shidou still shows concern for Futa and Mahiru as well despite them being adults in his eyes.

Highlighting their less than stellar physical conditions at the beginning of his second voice drama.

Shidou's Voice Drama

"Orbital floor fracture right side."

Hm?

"Traumatic retinal detachment. Bruising. Lacerations. Partial fracture of the thorax."

...

"This is Kajiyama-kun's present condition."

Futa's?

"Shiina-kun's is even worse. Head lacerations. Bruising all over her body. A sprained neck. Fractured ribs. Further fracturing to the left arm. And furthermore... This may be outside my profession, but her mental health is deteriorating as well."

Mahiru...

This is the very first thing he brings to Es' attention. Not even bothering to return their greeting. He makes a statement outside of his area of expertise on Mahiru's mental health.

Extending consideration and grace to these parties,

23/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Mahiru: You have a family right, Shidou-san……? How does it feel, being married, having kids……?

Shidou: ……yeah, it’s a wonderful thing. Children…… yeah. They really are hope for the future. When you have your own, suddenly it becomes fun growing old. Since as you grow older, you get to see them grow up.

Mahiru: Ah…… how lovely. It was always my dream to become a bride. Though maybe that seems a bit outdated. I wish it could’ve come true……

Shidou: It isn’t too late. I’m going to make sure you live. So let’s get out of here, and you make your wish come true. ……you still have so much to live for.

24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right?

Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?

Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden.

Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.

Fostering a sense of community and comradery with them. Where they all help each other and will speak in the defense of one another and with their best interests in mind. Because that's how adults within society are meant to behave.

Yet, his grace consideration seems to run out when it comes to Mikoto. He treats Mikoto's change in temperament as an inconvenience. Because Mikoto is an adult. Not only that he's competent enough to protect himself and end his fight with Kotoko in a draw completely unscathed. He's not only an adult but a skilled and competent one who should know better than to let his personal problems negatively impact his lessers.

He's not like Haruka, Futa, Mahiru, or Amane defenseless weaklings that can do nothing to take care of themselves without a proper adult around. He's not someone who needs constant attention, care, or even the smallest bit of aid. He is a man, he is an adult, that Shidou recognized as his equal and spent time with as such. They smoked together so of course he doesn't get the same treatment as the kids.

He's not about to treat Mikoto like Kazui does,

24/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ––No, it’s just…… I’m happy for the thought…… But I don’t even know myself what I’ll do next. So I can’t really hang out at the moment, y’know? But…… haha, aren’t you scared, Kazu-san?

Kazui: Hmm, I guess because of my work, I’m used to dealing with rowdy youngsters. Obviously you have your reasons. I don’t feel like prying, though. Well, whenever you feel like it, you’re always welcome. If you’re always on your own it’ll just make you feel worse. I’ll be company if you need to relieve some stress.

Mikoto: Yeah…… I’m not really, y’know, used to relying on other people. Like, I start to worry that I’m being a burden. And it’s hard for me to deal with feeling so pathetic…… If I do say so myself, I’m super Japanese, haha……

Kazui: Hm…… well, I’m fine whatever. If this is what’s easiest for you, I won’t force you. But you know, being in your 20s is still super young. It’s great that you’re so disciplined, but most people won’t worry if you’re a bit of a burden. I mean, I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m still a kid now.

Most people won't Shidou however,

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

Shidou be like, "Look Kayano-kun you're fucking it up for us folks still in our twenties. Twenty-nine and twenty-three stop fucking it up we're the adults here. We're both college graduates get it together. You are setting a bad example you gonna walk around acting like an adult then be one. You're embarrassing our age range in front of the oldest guy here."

Just like an older colleague at work. Over here like, "Tch young people these days none of them can handle a work environment."

"Um sir he's carrying a sixty percent guilty verdict."

"Pfft I'm always guilty on the inside! Regardless if the morning comes I'll still be guilty. When the sun rises when it sets I'm never gonna feel innocent not one second of my life the closest I'll get to it is feeling justified in my choices but knowing it was meaningless cruelty all the same. He needs to suck it up."

"My guy- he just needs a mental health day. He's run ragged look at him. Remember what you said about Mahiru's mental health accommodate him a little it's not hard. Just give him a minute or some sympathy."

"Oh so now he wants free pity. Look at the example you're setting for these kids right now. You're a failure of a man. Do you think this is how an honest man lives? How you're living right now-"

"Dude he's sensitive about that shut up. Look Mikoto I'm trying..."

Mikoto, "No he's right I fucking suck."

"Aw see Shidou you validated his self-disparaging views. Now he thinks he just needs to work harder again."

Shidou, "Because he does. That's a good thing for him to recognize."

Mikoto head in hands-

20/06/15

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly.

Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here? ……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross.

Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right?

Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

Now this may come off like I'm saying Shidou is a crass, blunt, man that holds those he deems to be his colleagues, equals, or peers in any capacity to the same unreasonable expectations he holds himself to. That when one of them fails to live up to what is expected of them as the adults then they've all failed in some way causing him to look upon the failures of those he considers equals with scorn while those he considers inferior, too immature, or unexperienced doing the same thing or needing help is cute. And that's because I am saying that and he is too,

21/03/22  (Kazui’s First Trial)

Shidou: Mukuhara-san, you’ve not been looking great ever since you came back.

Kazui: Ahh…… yeah, I still haven’t got back to my usual self huh. Y’know, Shidou-kun…… kids can be really brutal huh. I don’t have any of my own so hadn’t realised until now.

Shidou: Haha, so they are. They won’t listen to the excuses adults make to explain themselves. ……though that’s also what makes them cute.

Kazui: Yeah… You’re really mature, Shidou-kun. By comparison, I’m really immature huh. Not growing up in any way other than my age. ……*sigh* Even I’m starting to hate that about myself.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right?

Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?

Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden.

Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.

Shidou when he keeps ignoring the fact that Kazui keeps telling him that despite being the oldest here he is actually the most emotionally immature and should not be given any responsibility.

Kazui making it as clear as possible how immature and unsuited for responsibility he is,

"I’m really immature huh. Not growing up in any way other than my age. ……*sigh* Even I’m starting to hate that about myself. - "I mean, I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m still a kid now."

24/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Kazui: Ah y'know… Is having children really as great as everyone says? Shidou-kun, you've got two kids, don't you? It wasn't possible for me, so in a way I yearn for it.

Shidou: Yes, it truly is a great thing. No exaggeration. Even if they aren't your own children, don't you think its nice to have someone who's existence connects you to the future? If you can leave them something that they'll carry for the rest of their lives, I think it gives your own life more purpose. That's hope.

Kazui: You're really amazing, aren't you? It almost hurts to look at you. ….But, I sort of get where you're coming from. Every now and then I get overly sentimental thinking about my existence, how I could leave this world without adding to it. Doing something for the little devils around here might not be too far off from that hope you were talking about. I doubt it'll be easy though.

Shidou: Hehe. ….I implore you, Mukuhara-san. Please, give the children your protection.

Shidou I don't know what you mean Kazui we're the adults here. As such, I want you to take responsibility for these kids and protect them as another adult. I implore you to take on this responsibility. He should be helping them take care of the more vulnerable people here and the attitude he displayed during the intermission was a display of his personal failings. At least in Shidou's opinion. This goes into the similarities between Shidou and Futa.

Their shared stances on women and children as a vulnerable group. As well as how that perception impacts how they engage with others within the prison. Shidou is more willing to give grace to Haruka and Amane because of ageism and infantilization. Amane is just a child so she should be treated in a way that displays recognition of that fact. She shouldn't be here in Milgram or held to the strongest extent of the law because she's just a child.

This is the same logic Shidou extends to Haruka as well. He's not competent like Mikoto is. He can't express himself as well and is prone to getting injured or sick. So of course like a child he needs more care attention and firm guidance. It's not even limited to age he extends the same logic to Yuno, Futa, Mahiru, and Kotoko because they're all still students just a bit more respectfully. Yet Kazui, Mikoto, and himself are the working adults they should know better and be on top of this. This is why Shidou offers to extract that fang in Triage. Because as he makes clear through Amane he is willing to meet immaturity with immaturity if that means the kids will learn what's appropriate and what's not.

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

It is possible that another thing Futa, Shidou, Amane, and Kotoko all share is their mentality to meet violence with violence or conflict with conflict. Haruka did what many others within Milgram did associated himself with people who were more likely to improve his circumstances than worsen them. This may be why we see him engage with guilty prisoners less while aligning himself more with those innocent like him. To show that he was not and is still not a loser. He didn't question the guards judgments to show that he thought they were right, he tried to be more confident and outspoken to display to Es that their choice wasn't wrong. In contrast him closing himself off after his change in verdict is an extension of his warning to Es in his trial one voice drama, "I shouldn't get too i-involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners, they might understand. It's no good." - "You shouldn't get too close to me. Bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I'm naturally good at." It's likely that him being voted guilty, Mu being voted guilty after getting close to him, or both may have caused this belief to resurface leading to him isolating himself (locking himself in his room) out of fear of bringing misfortune to those around him.

Regardless of Haruka's intent with these changes, the fact remains that Es simply couldn't stand the way Haruka changed. Possibly because it reminded them of Kotoko getting cocky and acting on her own while they were asleep. The way that she overstepped their boundaries, into their position as guard, and hurt people they admit to caring about. The new Haruka just showed Es that no one, not even him, was taking Es' position seriously. That they thought they could simply talk them into whatever outcome they wanted. That they felt comfortable because they were taking them as a fool that would believe anything sat in front of them without question. An imperfect guard who was too kind and weak just waiting to be taken advantage of.

Of course since Es said these prisoners were right once they'd never change their mind now. All Haruka's attempts and efforts came off as cocky, dismissive, and a belittling of not only Es' intelligence but their dedication to their job. Something that has been shown to anger Es throughout the series.

Ultimately it was this behavior shared between the three of them that had their trials go as poorly as they did. It is also this mindset that led them all to heavily associating with one another. Because they weren't wrong, Es found them innocent, agreed to work with them- Of course, if they saw that once they'd see it again. They're not the losers here after all. None of them were wrong. So, of course Haruka is going to report to Es' assistant what his plan is and ask her to let him proceed. Guilty or not that's only the proper thing to do.

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong- Please don’t say that I am a loser. Hug me again as you once did."

Unlike those losers over there who should have just-

"Ravaging, brawling, losers please exit left."/ "Aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?"

It doesn't matter if he was too scared to talk with her previously.

Haruka Trial One Voice Drama

Mu, Yuno, and....

How about Kotoko?

Uh... S-She's a bit scary.

That was the old Haruka. The new Haruka isn't afraid of kids or talking to Kotoko. Even though there are more reasons to be afraid of her than there were before. Kotoko is someone he had no reservations about speaking to despite the fact that she had physically assaulted three people in close proximity to him. Then was very openly planning to attack more to her own continued admission.

Yet, despite the clear risk to the safety of others she continued to be Haruka had no issue communicating with her and actively seeking her out. Because he recognized she was not going to attack him. Because why would she he's innocent. He's not like those guilty prisoners. Him and Kotoko are the same in that regard.

This is the mindset that grated Kotoko so much. Even though she was right she was the same as the other prisoners who had been voted innocent. Seeing them sitting in the same spot as she was made her more conscious of her own shortcomings. Having them innocent with her was like saying they were the same which to her and in the eyes of other prisoners may be the furthest thing from true and the biggest insult they could receive.

Yet it was this that made it easy for Haruka to come in and calmly discuss Shidou and Kazui attempting to negotiate a ceasefire with her. Because it wasn't his problem he was never worried about being attacked because he's innocent. Just like with Mu. It wasn't their problem,

"Ah, um, since it's a situation like this, we're all staying close to Shidou-san. Kotoko-san is the only one who's acting on their own."

...Oh?

"A-ah, um... Kotoko-san said she currently has no intention of attacking anyone. So, Shidou-san and Kazui-san had cea-ceasefire negotiations, they called it. With her..."

...

It was easy to talk about it in that way all up until the point he realized it could impact him. He and Mu did a lot of similar things within their second voice dramas. That display the impact that they've had on each other. The good and the bad.

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

Don't get ahead of yourself. It's all good and well that you've changed, but your past self just might have been smarter.

"...!!!!!!"

...

"Ugh...! Why?! Why, why, why are you saying things like that?!"

...!

"It's weird! You said you forgave me, Warden-san! It's weird for you to tell me that I'm wrong now!"

[sound of something hitting the table (more than likely his palm)]

...!

"Argh- it's weird! It's weird!" [stomping around]

Pipe down! You're hurting my ears.

"...You're mean. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!"

Hahaha! You sure have developed and attitude! Go ahead and try! Idiot!

"Don't... make fun of me...!" [sound of running] "Ghhh, guh...! My body...won't move...!"

Is your memory that bad? Violence from the prisoners towards the warden is prohibited. Well...with one exception.

"Gh...!"

Later On

"Even though you said you would forgive me..."

You were told upfront that this is a three trial system.

"Why are you bullying me like this?"

I'm not bullying you. I'm simply trying to figure out whether I should forgive you or not and by extension, whether your actions were wrong or not.

"There's no way it was wrong! If I hadn't done it, nobody would have looked at me!"

You killed to gain attention? The you who was never loved by anyone?

"That's right! Because if I just remained a good-for-nothing, nobody would ever care about me!"

Just because of that, someone-

"Aren't I the only unfortunate person here?! Because I'm the only one who could never do anything since I was born, because I could never do the same things as everyone around me, my mother gave up on me and I stopped existing in her world!"

Even later (Fuck it honestly just listen to both side by side at this point.)

Rest assured, Haruka. Taking your circumstances and your feelings into consideration, I'll judge-

"As I thought. Warden-san, you're not my mother at all."

Huh? Never have been.

"Yeah...? Yeah, right, everyone only has one mother. The mother who never looked at me wasn't my mother either."

What are you saying?

"Heheheh, hahahaha...!"

You're pretty scary you know?

"Haa... I'm sorry, warden-san. For causing you trouble."

...

"My mother was Mu-san all along."

Huh?

"Mu-san is my mother."

I don't think that's right.

"It is, though?"

Is that really something you can deny...

"Mu-san praises me. The useless me... She praises me, acknowledges me, looks at me, and she needs me. My current self only exists thanks to Mu-san."

You did say you had two benefactors. So, the other one was Mu, huh?

"That's right. As long as Mu-san is here, I feel like there's a meaning to me coming to Milgram."

...

"I've met my real mother, so I'm happy. I'm sorry for causing problems earlier. I need to be a good boy- For Mu-san's sake as well."

This is... The needs and interests of the prisoners lining up with each other... Something like this can happen too...? Haruka desires a mother, but what could it be that Mu wants from him...?

You know I've been transcribing this shit too long when I see the words,

"Haruka desires a mother but what could it be that Mu wants from him?" and the first thing I think is come on vaminos- at this Dora the explorer ass question they ain't even being subtle! They're just out here like, "Whatever could she want?" Meanwhile in his fucking second trial song-

"I will keep on killing to be a good boy."

Ya know I can't say what she wants really. The funniest twist everyone looking at the middle schooler and office worker like they're gonna be trained assassins. Meanwhile- OH SHIT IT'S HARUKA COMING IN WITH THE BLADE! It's still sending me this statement is phrased like a fucking early reader comprehension test question. Why did they phrase it like this? Like,

Were you paying attention? Test your knowledge.

What does Haruka want from Es?

A. A license to kill.

B. To be judged fairly for his actions and held to account.

C. A Innocent Verdict/Forgiveness

D. For Es to leave everyone alone. So, they can all know peace.

E. A Guilty Verdict/Not to be Forgiven

What upset Haruka?

A. Kotoko's violent actions.

B. Kazui's and Shidou's attempt at mediating.

C. Es' judgment.

D. Not having a mother.

E. Es' judgment changing.

What does Haruka gain from Mu?

A. Stability.

B. Friendship.

C. Mutual Respect.

D. A maternal figure.

E. More mother issues to unpack in therapy.

I shouldn't be talking about reading comprehension questions like that. It was a good question to pose. Yet the overlap between Mu and Haruka's actions within their voice dramas trial two speaks volumes about how they enable each other and the ways they've become isolated from the rest of the cast. It's definitely not the healthiest dynamic but not the worse I've seen as of now. For example even though I stated that Haruka was still on good terms with Yuno from his perspective...

The feeling doesn't seem to be mutual. Since Yuno went on record stating that Haruka and Mu were beginning to annoy her. Haruka is more than likely collateral damage since Yuno has been annoyed with Mu for a good while now and his close proximity to her at this point. So she can't see one without bumping into the other.

Since Yuno seems to be trying to avoid Mu as much as possible that may extend to Haruka as well and play into why Yuno hasn't checked up on him. Even though Yuno herself says she has no intention of just letting someone die in front of her and has spent a good deal of these trials taking care of others. She has no real character reason not to want to help/check on Haruka but every character reason to not want to be near Mu who is always just posted up outside of Haruka's door going look I'm taking care of him.

So, she definitely wouldn't check unlike Futa who doesn't really have those issues with Mu or has been bothered by her in the same ways Yuno has. I don't know why Kazui isn't checking but like it's not his job to regardless. If someone gets hurt it's not really on him solely. Just because the audience and Shidou projected this caretaker and protector role onto him does not mean he will live up to it or even wants to.

I think the fact he hasn't checked is fishy but well it's not surprising. Shidou on the other hand- Well he's weird for the opposite reason. If Mahiru is still in a bad state how did he even make time to check on Haruka and Mu? Again he states he's worried about Amane and someone should do something about her but when given free time doesn't really treat that as much of a priority.

We haven't seen Mahiru in a long time (this changed with Kotoko's birthday interaction where Mahiru actively seeks her out even noting it's still hard to move while doing so which hello just raises more questions about this) but Haruka, Mu, Kazui, and Mikoto could have all gone to check on her but none of them have. I'm not holding it against Mu since Yuno directly told her to stay out of the way when they spoke after the attacks on her birthday. So she at least has in character reasons for not going.

Haruka may not be going because he realizes Mu isn't on good terms with Yuno right now. Since neither of them are hiding that. Kazui and Mikoto are weird though. Mikoto claims he attacked Mahiru but hasn't gone to apologize about that at all or gain clarity on it? Like that's kind of the bare minimum he could do if he truly believed that were the case. Which his second written interrogation implies.

Kazui is just like sir you're not doing anything else you might as well. Like I'm well aware he may not want to be bothered and may find Mahiru difficult to deal with but like you've seen Shidou enough to have seen her too. Which is the weird thing Shidou has had time for Kazui despite Mahiru needing constant care. Plus Amane and Futa have both gone to see her. So, it's not as though Mahiru is under lock and key.

So a part of me is like why are you avoiding doing that. Now with Mikoto there's an argument to be made that he's afraid he'll make her uncomfortable. He knows he fought with Kotoko and went up to her for her birthday though. Like he just kind of played that off like he didn't remember but he remembers attacking Mahiru?

Something multiple other parties have gone oh well he didn't do that. He attacked Kotoko while she was in the middle of attacking Mahiru. Kotoko has said that, Kazui said they were fighting and it was best to keep them that way, Yuno said they were fighting and commented on Mikoto being stronger than she thought, Mahiru never brought up Mikoto ever attacking her and only focused on how she forgave Kotoko for attacking her.

So after a point one has to question how Mikoto knows about Mahiru's attack but conveniently doesn't know Kotoko was there. There's memory issues and then there's like the fact he's actively avoiding everyone that would have a different recollection of those events while still trying to be chummy with the person he very much did jump according to several other parties. All of whom have no reason to lie-

Mahiru thinks Mikoto is a cheater and does not trust him she has more reason to lie on him being the one that jumped her than just forgive Kotoko.

Kazui literally had zero reason to lie there and even went it benefits me more if you keep them on opposite sides and they continue to fight each other.

Yuno does not like Kotoko and thinks Mikoto's pleasantries are forced. She says she would never be Kotoko's friend and the nicest thing she's said about Mikoto is again that comment about him being stronger than she thought.

All three of the parties who have spoken on this actually just have no vested interest in whatever is going on with Mikoto. Other than Kazui who doesn't want Mikoto to team up with Kotoko solely because he knows with a teammate Mikoto could kick his ass. And even then his interest wasn't let's make Mikoto look worse it was just let's keep these two away from each other and their goals from aligning. Like with Mu and Haruka. Which is fair.

Mu Second Voice Drama

"What do you mean?"

How did it come to that in the first place? What was the cause of it? That's what I don't know. You could say it was conveniently omitted.

"..."

Even you yourself refuse to go there. Is it a topic you don't want to touch upon?

"...Warden-san I think you're really doing something bad. Isn't it a bad thing to act like there has to be something wrong with someone for them to get bullied?"

Oh?

"No matter the circumstances it's always the bullies who are in the wrong! Isn't that obvious? Warden-san you're so smart but you didn't even know something like that? Maybe you should take some lessons on morals or something?"

...

"Besides, even if I've done something wrong, there's nothing that can justify bullying. Warden-san I thought you were nicer than this."

My sincerest apologies for not living up to your expectations.

Later on in Mu's second voice drama

Right, right. And here I was speculating that you might've originally been playing the opposite role...

[sound of something hitting the tabletop (possibly her palm)]

...!

"What are you getting at?"

Just that we could also speculate that you'd been the bully until the tables ended up turning on you.

"Do you realize what an awful thing you're saying right now?!"

What are you getting this angry for? I thought you hadn't done anything wrong?

"Warden-san... I hate you."

Haruka and Mu both have intense reactions in response to the idea that Es' opinion of them wasn't as unanimous as they thought. That they had doubts about it. Yet, they're both incredibly doubtful and fickle when it comes to their relationships as well. Think about it- Haruka had no issue talking to Kotoko several times after she attacked multiple people but could barely get a sentence out around her at the start of this. Yet, her violence didn't scare him off he wasn't worried for his safety showing that his fear wasn't being attacked but always was rejection like Mu's. Yet, he rejected others and drifted away from them despite displaying how much he dislikes the same thing. Then once he was in the same position as those he distanced himself from he was suddenly willing to confide in those guilty prisoners he may have been ignored previously for what seems to have been until the cameras were rolling again.

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

Oh wait no. Haruka didn't even go to confide in Futa. Futa did the thing people keep bitching about no one doing and went to check on Haruka himself. Who again when Futa was at his lowest was off ,

"I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot."

To be completely real with you it makes me wonder if the only reason Haruka is worried about people changing up on him is because he so easily changes up on others. Because when Mikoto and Futa were going through it where was Haruka- Looking after his self.

Because like Futa said,

Q.02 What do you think of Haruka?

Futa: I can’t afford to be worrying about other people at the moment Anyway, he’s not a little kid.

Okay, just got back from a break one of many I took after world events and- Ya, know... Someone in this fandom accused me of a felony a while back. Look if anyone has gotten this far I'm really anticipating them glancing at this and keeping it moving. But yeah that happened. Then they accused my friends of a felony as well. People will be like blocking isn't personal and shit but like each time I've blocked someone it's actually been due to consistent harassment that I have actually attempted to talk out as much as I can extend myself to do so. I think any rational person draws the line at someone accusing their partner and close friend of a crime.

Especially when a good way to go well that's not true is just blocking the person and moving on since the crime in question was cyberstalking. Then person wanted to go this is your fault for taking my concerns seriously instead of telling me to touch grass after I did that which like um what the hell. I'm not saying this is a good way to gage the reactionary nature of Milgram fans but like after a point there is no discussion to be had you just gotta accept some people like their life more if they can assume others are cruel and evil to validate their own inconsiderate and uncaring behavior. Like Haruka and Mu nothing is ever your fault if everyone else is the villain and your the weak helpless victim in whatever narrative one creates to help themselves sleep at night.

Some people really only care about people solely in the context of the role they play in their narrative. Haruka is no exception to this. He only cares about Mu because right now she fits into the role of mother. Es even brings up that their desires have happened to albeit conveniently overlap,

"This is... The needs and interests of the prisoners lining up with each other... Something like this can happen too...?"

So, what happens when that stops being the case for one or both of them?

Like the case of Futa and Mikoto. Two people Haruka relied on for socialization but as soon as their social standing fell he begun to distance himself from them. A lot of people in this world project what they're willing to do to others on those around them without a second thought. Just so they don't have to feel alone in their callousness. It's not a case of who is using whom when it comes to Mu and Haruka.

It's a case of whose usefulness will run out first or if it will at all. Something like that is a bit of a double edged sword isn't it? One could say it' like a person pointing their weapon at themselves and their enemy all at once. A true double bind.

How unfortunate.

[triocat]

Alright, here's the last bit of addendums for now, and to start off, I'm going to tell you about that dream 0!Tiff had between her breakdown and her stay at the hospital:

CW: This part includes thoughts about longing death and gallons of blood

(BTW, I just remembered that @desultory-novice, the one responsible for the "Zero is the worst father ever" headcanon, also thought up the idea for dark matter using "eye" instead of "I" so "EYE'LL" have him use eye when referring to himself apart from the tiff half from now on)

Falling

The first thing that he processed was the feeling of falling

It felt like he was falling for hours, and yet, he was too tired to really think of doing anything about it, and just when he started to think of getting out of this current situation...

SPLAT

...he made contact with the wooden floor, which, at the velocity he was falling at, felt like hitting a concrete street from the 72nd floor of a building

He felt his inside turn to mush and his eye dislocate from it's socket

He, however, barely cared... after all, he lost, so maybe, this is for the best...

...maybe tiff could care for the clan in his stead... probably would do a better job than him, honestly...

He felt his eye roll over as the rest of his body go numb...

It felt cold... so, so, very, cold...

...but something felt off...

Did death usually last this long?

His eye was still rolling over, past the point where he should've logically cease to even think

It felt like forever and a day until the eye stopped and only because it hit the other side of 02's skin

Suddenly, he heard what sounded like his clan, calling for 02 like children crying for their mother

He felt ashamed of himself, for once, he was the one who they were referring to, the angel of the dark who would've taken over those pathetic fleshlings' little "Cappy Town" by now, but now... NOW... he was little more than a laughing stock who'd moreso feel horrible for swating away a firefly, much less conquer an entire planet.

Even thinking about it made him feel bad...

He didn't want to face his army and tell them that their continued existence and attempts to get sweet revenge on the pink ball that wronged them all lead up to him just... GIVING UP.

.....

...but it was much worse than that...

Tiff's family... nay... The ENTIRETY OF CAPPY TOWN would probably flip out and rightfully so... what else would their reaction be to learning that she would no longer even see them anymore thanks to him

Tuff would never let him forget about it, like the petty little brother he is, her parents would call him a monster and will grieve the loss of their eldest daughter, Meta Knight would attempt a "mercy kill" on Tiff and, by proxy, him, (what else could he do when they're like this), the townsfolk would chase them out of town, King Dedede and Escargoon would see it as a "well-deserved" victory over Kirby, and Kirby, dear, sweet, innocent Kirby, he would...

...he would...

.....

He would've already tried to end him

But instead of rightfully expunging him from the girl, Kirby decided to give him some melon, alongside the 3 members of the dark matter clan that he gave the reins over all the others, no less????

It didn't make sense...

Why would he willingly spare someone as worthless as he over what might as well been his own mom?

Did he just... not know?

...no, it can't be that...

Kirby already knew that he wasn't Tiff from the moment they met.

Did he, then, know about the whole rooting thing and figured it wouldn't have worked?

...also unlikely...

Kirby's sweet but he isn't really all that... smart... even if he knew about their conjoinment, he probably wouldn't have thrown that chance away to at least try to save his dear friend

Alright so what was it then? What could've possibly been his reasoning for not exacting punishment towards him?

Could've been that he... pitied him?

But then how could that have been?

He was a useless parasite who affected the livelihood's of everyone around him negatively with the goal of actively making things even worse

And all for what, because he was afraid of death and didn't know honor yet

What could Kirby have possibly saw in him worth letting go?

Did he just... Not think of Tiff that way?

...NO, no, that's stupid!

Tiff was the one of the only real friends Kirby had, to the point that Kirby always did what she said, even to their own detriment

Did he not see him as an actual threat?

But then why did he avoid him like the plague earlier? Hell, if anything, the whole "locking-up-the-castle" stunt he pulled would've just confirmed Kirby's suspensions, so what gives?

And why would he team up with Dark Matter, despite the only reason that they avoided possession being their fear of him and the order not to possess him?? And what was with the watermelon???

Why would the savior of the planet... nay... THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE treat something like him as if they were equals?!?!?!?

.....

Did... did he not see him as something that deserved to die?

Did he think that, despite everything he has done to ruin his life, that he was still deserving of life and even... happiness?

.....

Just as he was about to dismiss it, memories of Kirby doing so with multiple demon beasts started to flood his senses and, once they came and went, he had a whole new understanding on, not just this world's Kirby, but his initial Kirby as well...

He wasn't just some slayer of demons with a cute face, he was someone who would work his hardest to make sure that everyone he could save would be saved and wouldn't give up, even if it seems impossible, even if it's more In line with a wake-up call...

... even if it's someone as hopelessly lost as him...

He sighed to himself and decided to honor Kirby's wishes

He was going to be brave and tell his clan to help him get to Tiff

(ANNOTATION: Remember, this is just about the same one who's gathering from Zero's spectacular failure was nothing more than treat your employees with respect and don't go for Kirby straight away, like, he is pretty dense when it comes to this kind of stuff and it's gonna take more than that for him to realize that "waking up Tiff" is not quite the lesson he should learn)

...as soon as he gets out of this dark, wet prison that was his body

He realized pretty quickly that he was at the top of it and he was probably looking at his bandage

He also remembered, though, that he could only feel his eye, therefore, making it likely be the only thing he can move

He focused his thoughts on moving forward and, essentially, pushing his eye out and rip through the bandage

He used all the might he had left in his eye to tear through barrier and, eventually...

rrRIP

GOOSH

...blood poured out of the newly made hole in the bandage, letting him fall out and properly address his seroundings

Though, at first, he was too busy sputtering out the blood he was in to really focus on anything else

"Ppbt, ppbt, blech... Alright, note to self, don't try to get out of your own body without a snorkel..."

He tries to blink the excess blood out of their eyes to get some beirings on where he was and-

...wait... Eyes?

Wasn't he just a eyeball...?

If fact, come to think of it, why was he coughing if he shouldn't have lungs... or a mouth?

He started to hold his head out of pure confusion when he then started to realize what he was doing and brought the hand in front of his face

He felt a chill run his spine when recognized where the hand was from

It was the same as the one from the form Tiff's body just finished mutating into just a few minutes(?) ago

He started to panic as he got a proper look at the form he was in and realized that he was, in fact, in that exact body, which likely meant that...

...oh

Oh

OH NO NO NO NO NO

Was he already too late?

Did the mind merge already complete itself?

...no

Now not the time to worry.

Kirby would move on regardless

All he knows for sure is just one thing:

"Eye must find Tiff, and fast."

...AND THAT'S WHERE I'M GONNA LEAVE IT UNTIL TOMORROW.

Yeah, I realized that this was getting pretty long so I'm going to save the rest for tomorrow as to not blow your hard drive

As some consultation, I must say that when I first saw your "multi-purpose head" idea, I was all like "why didn't I think of that" because that's genuinely one of the best ideas I ever saw, especially considering that her tounge is already dark matter (albeit looking more like a plant)

Though there are a few that I like to say:

1. I still like to think that she can also use "normal" parasols to fight as well (maybe to avoid any problems that would come with having your own head be used as a sword "Uh... did eye-I mention I practiced street magic...?")

2. I'm afraid that you might have slightly misconstrued what I said when I said that her base-line parasol is a mix between kirby's style and fencing (that was probably on me, all I did to remedy it was to say "when it's open" in Referring to kirbys style and not clarify whether I was talking about tiff's or kirby's, just know that what I meant to say was "When it's open, she plays like Kirby, but when it closed, she uses it like a fencing sword")

Also one more thing

Do you, by any chance, have time to do a model sheet for 0!Tiff, considering you tend to change designs a lot and I'm not good at staying on model either

[catras-breakup-song]

Do you think catra has a victim complex? I once read a post explaining she has one and while the op is a very passionate anti of the character and the show, I think they do make an interesting point explaining why she has a victim complex

Thoughts on this?

i think she develops a "victim complex" (although i'm not sure that's the most accurate way to label it, nor am i comfortable claiming that's the complete picture here) in response to how she genuinely views the way the world treated her. she made adora's leaving the horde all about herself because she truly couldn't understand how adora might have a more empathetic motivation than glory until bonding over their friendship with glimmer on the velvet glove. as 5X5T puts it from 15:45 - 16:12 here:

at the same time that she's processing these memories, she starts to connect with glimmer; glimmer, who shares her burden of an impulsive choice that almost ended the world, glimmer, who has shared her same insecurities. catra listens to her talk about her friendship with adora and relates back with stories of her own. maybe adora didn't leave for power and glory. maybe adora loves glimmer, and maybe she really did love catra too.

not to mention, it really was the big deal catra had made it out to be, practically in terms of life or death. much more than losing a friend, she lost the only hope she had been promised of protection while growing up. before adopting and then later subverting the narrative herself, outside forces had made it clear to her that without adora, she was too vulnerable to be safe and shadow weaver would inevitably dispose of her.

when it comes to all the times catra shot down adora's offers to join the rebellion instead of staying behind, it honestly comes down to a misunderstanding of what that would mean, more so than a falsely-assumed deliberate misinterpretation in order to suit a narrative ─ that being said, it absolutely was intentionally twisted, though not by catra, but rather by light hope's holographic memory projections instead.

for analysis of how they each heard the other's words during the thaymor confrontation, take this whole entire post.

for another perspective, including but mostly focusing on fixing the alternate reality and going back to the way things were before, read/listen to five by five takes' quotes again, from here (11:10 - 12:02):

catra and adora are each deciding what the other means, and they’re not really expressing what they’re feeling, fearing, or wanting. catra can’t understand why adora can ask her to come with her, but not stay; adora can’t understand why catra can ask her to stay but not come with her, and it’s in the difference between “why can’t you stay” and “i will never go with you” that is the key of their misunderstanding, that they still haven’t resolved. we see the promise recontextualized, to see the same memory from different vantage points. for adora, asking catra to come with her is looking out for her; for catra, adora is still treating her as an afterthought and not staying. it’s not as simple as just “being together,” for catra. she clearly sees a distinction between "staying with me" and "going with you". one maintains things as they are, on her terms. the other is big scary change, following adora’s terms. ("oh, because i need to follow you everywhere you go?!")

& here (6:30 - 8:32):

"promise" is this thing that sort of haunts the entire show. catra and adora grew up in a dangerous environment, and so promised each other that they'd stay together and always look out for each other. [...] this is the first instance where catra really starts to embrace the idea that adora broke the promise, because despite her feelings until now, catra's still been looking out for adora (between friend kidnappings, at least...). her conviction has been and continues teetering back and forth throughout the episode. it may even be that adora was close to getting through to catra because it's right at that moment that she says "i never wanted to leave you. you could come with me! you could join the rebellion! i know you're not a bad person, catra, you don't belong with the horde." that the crystal castle pulls out the big gun. their opportunity to clarify their feelings gets cut short, but by the end catra becomes convinced that her desire to help adora wasn't reciprocated. she has a new view of the promise: "you wanted me to think i needed you; you wanted me to feel weak." not only did adora break the promise to stay together ─ "you never protected me!" ─ now it's no longer about keeping the promise and getting adora back, it's just about proving herself as a powerful, independent, and worthy opponent. [...] in her backwards way, catra reclaims what she sees as her lost power. adora wants her back and now she (catra) gets to reject her. by virtue of a perfect world, "remember" shows us catra's ideal way for the promise to be kept: "nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other." (1x11) vs. "everything will be perfect as long as we stay together." "stay with me, okay?" (3x05) this sheds some important light on the semantics of it all; the huge difference between "staying with me" and "leaving with you".

i know it's a lot of text, and i hope it doesn't come across as too lazy on my end, but i really think those blocks explain it better than i could just by attempting to paraphrase them. it shouldn't be difficult to realize how catra had always been set up from the start to have such an outlook on the people who came and went from her life. she drew conclusions based on what she had been taught thus far, and in those moments it made total sense, even if it wasn't the objective truth.

[onlymurdersinthebuildingreblogs]

Only Murders In the Building Season Four Finale Thoughts While Watching

WARNING SPOILERS FOR ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING SEASON THREE FINALE AND SEASON FOUR!!!!!! INCLUDING THE KILLER! AVOID IF YOU ARE NOT THAT FAR INTO THE SERIES, IF YOU AREN'T YOU BETTER, IT IS SO GOOD!

Note: I lost track of the day of the week and didn't realize the episode had aired until I was in bed.

Pre-Watching:

I wonder if the plot holes Sazz had found were unrelated to her murderer, Marshall/Rex. Set up for the next season.

I hope Theo appears, I really like his character. I also think he's good for Mabel.

I'd also like to see Lucy. I really liked her character.

Watching:

1:07-1:27 -- Oh, so they have filmed for Brazzos!? At least, Sazz got some more time with Charles.

1:16 -- "TAP IN!"

1:27 -- Isn't Sazz a little too old for stunts like that? Jane Lynch is 64 years old.

1:46 -- Osteoporosis! That sounds like a disease. Is that a disease!? (One Google Search Later) Google: "Osteoporosis is a bone disease that weakens bones, making them more likely to break. Osteoporosis occurs when the body breaks down more bone than it replaces, causing bones to become less dense and more porous. This makes bones more fragile and susceptible to fractures, even from minor bumps or falls. Osteoporosis is often called a 'silent disease' because people may not notice any symptoms until they break a bone. Osteoporosis is the leading cause of broken bones in older people and postmenopausal women." Me: YEAH, APPARENTLY SHE IS! "MINOR BUMPS OR FALLS"!? SHE JUST DID A FLIP AND JUMPED FROM A STORY-TALL BUILDING! "I'M GOOD"!? DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT!?

2:10 -- "Hey, Sazz, you okay!?" Aw, at least, Charles is making sure she's okay, even if she's kind of lying to him. She's making sure he's okay.

3:06-3:14 -- Not related but accent letter choices, why can't they have that on laptop keyboards, instead you have to know like shortcuts and then some laptops don't have those shortcut buttons. Like my old laptop had a numeric keypad so if I wanted to do the em dash, I would hold "alt" then push 0151, but my new laptop keyboard doesn't, so I can't make that dash and I use it more than you think. Look at the lazy double dashes, I've put.

3:18-3:27: "Every time we solve a murder that's when the next body drops. It's like when one murder door closes, someone we know either gets stabbed, poisoned, or shot." I guess that's kind of true? Jan stabbed herself and then poisoned you. "Glitter Guy" attacked Mabel and she stabbed him like the awesome girl she is. (I would say bad*** but I don't like to curse. So what's the age-appropriate way to say that?) Charles pretended to be stabbed by Alice. I don't actually think that happened last season though. There was when Donna poisoned Ben and nearly killed him and then Cliff pushed him down. I guess, Cliff nearly committed suicide. Also he already killed Glen.

3:28-3:35 -- "Why would you say that? You know my wedding is tomorrow. Loretta's on her way now, here to the murder building." That didn't occur to you when you picked this place as the place your wedding would take place at? Your podcast is called "Only Murders in the Building".

4:02 -- It's always kind of annoying when the villain is like "do this or I'll kill you" like they're not going to do that anyways.

4:15 -- Oh, I'm so hoping Mabel beats him up! She is not the kind of woman you want to mess with!

7:02-7:27 -- They're gonna go on the ledge. I don't like height so I don't think this is going to go well for Charles.

7:47 -- Oh! Nope! Nope! Too high! Too high!

10:20 -- I know the feeling! Every time I'm on a high place, I feel like I'm tipping forwards. Ever since when I was around eight, when I was on top of a lighthouse, looking down over the railing and my brother picked me up to take a picture without telling me and I suddenly felt like I was somehow falling over the ledge and I started panicking and he had to put me down before he dropped.

10:54 -- "Are you on this ledge, because I'm moving to New Zealand?"

11:52 -- And now they're dancing on a thin ledge several stories up.

11:55 -- How is no one seeing them? I once sat on the window sill of a second story building and apparently someone called the cops because of that!?

12:22-12:45 -- Marshall, you're doing a terrible job at being causal. You're switching accents from southern to Scottish.

12:49 -- Vince and Rudy are barley doing a better job. "Whatever you have is what we're looking for."

18:46 -- "I'm gonna fly to New York to see Charles make his Broadway debut." Aw. I never actually considered the though that she had seen the play.

22:05 -- Oh, she knew Charles would find him!

23:07 -- Jan to the rescue!? Didn't see that coming! I thought it'd be Rudy or Vince.

28:40 -- Finally, Will comes back! And oh, Dickie, I didn't expect to see you, I forgot about him.

32:07 -- Is Uma going to be the next victim?

32:14-32:54 -- Season five set up?

32:32 -- What did Nicky have to do with the building?

32:54 -- Oh, Sophia's going to be the next body, isn't she?

34:32 -- There's blood coming out of the water fountain's mouth.

34:48 -- LESTER!?

35:10 -- "72 emergencies ahead of you" Are you kidding me!? No wonder podcasters are the only ones who seem to be able to catch killers!

[putschki1969]

2024/02/19 Blog post by Wakana ふむふむの日2024を振り返ろう♪〜映画と衣装と肩の骨〜

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗Do NOT SHARE on other sites❗ ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Looking Back At February 6 2024 ♪〜Movie, Dresses And Shoulder Bones〜

The other day, I went to see the movie "Golden Kamuy" with a friend 😊I received a special git at the cinema! A panel drawn by the original creator＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／ I was so happy because I didn't expect to get something like this! 😍 The girl I went with is a big fan of the original work, actually, she is such a hardcore fan that she and her husband have even gone on a proper pilgrimage to Abashiri which is a place from the manga. I also enjoyed the manga so I decided to go and watch the film with her! The visuals were so powerful and the music was so wonderful that (despite the fairly fantasy-like setting) I felt a strange sense of reality that made me cry many times... It was the first time I watched a movie at the cinema since ``The Boy and the Heron'', I had a lot of fun! 😆 (By the way, the girl who went with me was the same friend who went with me when I watched “The Boy and the Heron” for the second time♪) Being at the movie theater for the first time in a long while got me really excited, initially, I only wanted to get some oolong tea at the snack bar but then, I ended up with all of this😂 How did this happen? When I looked at the menu, I got really excited 🤣I got a large popcorn and a hot dog *laughs*

Hello, this is Wakana (0￣▽￣0)／

I couldn't finish the giant popcorn and had to take it home *laughs* I quietly stuffed my mouth with the hot dog before the film had even begun🤤 Even though I had told myself that it would be better to wait until the film was over to avoid getting tired...🥺 Such a fickle nature🥺(Thankfully the movie was so interesting that I didn't feel sleepy at any point)

Now, I would like to talk a little about my “Wakana 5th Anniversary “Prologue” ~Premium Online Live~” which was held on February 6th! Here I am together with Saku-chan who joined me on the piano 😊We also made sure to take a picture where we look a bit cool📸 With this premium online live I celebrated a milestone, the 5th anniversary of my solo debut. I wanted to start my celebrations together with everyone from my fan club! For some reason, those five years actually feel like a longer time... or rather, it feels like a lot more years have passed already. I included the entire “journey” from my solo debut up until now in the setlist!

M-01 Yureru Haru M-02 Tsubasa MC M-03 Ai no Hana M-04 Aki no Sakura (Acoustic ver.) MC M-05 Orange MC M-06 Haru wo Matsu (Kalafina) M-07 Shirushi MC M-08 Kinmokusei M-09 Flag MC M-10 magic moment MC M-11 Sono Saki e

There are songs from my 1st album "Wakana", my 2nd album "magic moment", my EP "Aki no Sakura" and my 3rd album "Sono Saki e"! I ended up cramming in as much as possible since I wanted to create a setlist that would allow me to look back on the past 5 years.😊 During my MCs I tried to express my feelings from each period, hopefully I was able to share some fresh thoughts with you.

I once again realized that the "chat" may be the best part of an online live performances! At live performances with an actual on-site audience it's not really possible to have a real conversation, but online, everyone can talk about all sorts of things. Of course, even if there are no words exchanged between us, I know that people are watching and supporting me but I always feel very relieved when people say a lot of things in the chat (*´- `) It's honestly so reassuring to know that everyone is watching and listening (^-^)

Despite all of that, my surprise lyric mishaps keep happening, whether it's been 5 years or 15 years, I will never get rid of those...😂Why? ? 😂 I could really feel everyone's surprise and kindness from the chat messages, it was a special sense of gratitude that I probably couldn't experience at a live performances with an on-site audience. Thank you again to everyone who watched and supported me! ! My 5th Anniversary celebrations have only just begun. At my upcoming band live on May 12th, I would like to have the time to reflect even more on the past five years ! Details will be posted soon! Please be patient a little while longer~･:*+.\(( °ω° ))/.:+

Lastly, I would like to post some pictures of my dress from February 6th 😆This is the same dress I wore on the cover of my 1st album "Wakana"♪ I also wore it during the encore for my ``VOICE'' tour, at that time, it was altered a bit so it would work better for a live performance 😍 I had my hair down, which is quite unusual for me ♡ The makeup artist also added some sparkling hairpins 😍

I always wonder why my shoulder bones are so prominent...🤣 I think it's a skeletal issue because I am pretty sure not everyone's shoulder looks like that, right? 😂 I don't have any particular pain or problems in this area but I always feel like there's just a lot of bone sticking out. I envy people with smoother shoulders🥺

Anyway, I'm glad I was able to fit into a dress from 5 years ago ･:*+.\(( °ω° ))/.:+ For some reason, that got me super excited! 😂😂 Easy peasy🤗 Yay!

So, that’s it for today! Until next time~ ☆( *'▽'*)/

＊＊＊Wakana＊＊＊

『Wakana 5th Anniversary Live』 Details Revealed

To commemorate the 5th Anniversary of Wakana’s solo debut, a special band live will be held for the first time in 3 years! Once again, Wakana will be joined by Satoshi Takebe to deliver a unique live performance together with other musicians. Please look forward to it!

Title: “Wakana 5th Anniversary Live (tentative)” Date: May 12, 2024 ◆1st Stage◆ Open 14:45 / Start 15:30 ◆2nd Stage◆ Open 18:15 / Start 19:00 Venue: I’M A SHOW (capacity: 398 seats) Starring: Wakana, Satoshi Takebe (Music Director/Piano), etc. 【Ticket price】 All seats reserved 8,500円 ※An additional 600円 drink fee will be charged at the venue

Advanced Ticket Lottery for BL Members

[Ticket Sales Service] SKIYAKI TICKET ※To apply, you will need to register your SC ID at "Botanical Land" and your SKIYAKI ID on the SKIYAKI TICKET site/app. Pre-registration is possible, so it is recommended to do this before the application period starts. Please note: The registration procedure includes a verfication via text message which apparently does not work for some overseas phone numbers. ※On the day of the event, present the screen displaying the QR code issued to the SKIYAKI TICKET app (no prints or screenshots permitted); Please note: To display the electronic ticket, a separate app is required

Quantity limit: Up to 2 tickets per person Payment method: Credit card/convenience store payment Ticketing method: Download the dedicated app to issue a QR code ticket Application period: February 21 to February 27 Announcement of Results: March 1~ Payment deadline: March 8

[twincaptains]

Obsequium: Part I: Chapter Four

TITLE: Obsequium Part I: Chapter Four: Mabel's September PAIRINGS: Dipford (Ford x Dipper), Bipford, (Bipper x Ford), Pinecest (Dipper x Mabel), Stancest, (Stan x Ford), and possibly others. Gotta see where this thing takes me. SUMMARY: Mabel e-mails some friends and .... frenemies? Between her erotic RP with Grenda and her terse exchange with Pacifica, our girl is working through some things. Included are helpful (and traumatic) illustrations. They appear in the body of the text. NOTES: There is a LOT more lycan sex than I initially anticipated. Warnings under the cut!

CHAPTER WARNINGS: Graphic werewolf sex, graphic werewolf death (gore), sibling incest OVERALL WARNINGS: Incest, sibling incest, minor, coercive control, mind control, caregiver neglect, physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, dubious consent (dubcon), body horror, suicidal ideation, food restriction, sleep deprivation, self-harm, drug abuse, being drugged, lost time, and I’m going to specifically going to warn for “Ford being cruel to Stanley”, because it made me upset when I wrote it so I want to warn for it. If I forgot anything, please let me know and I will fix it IMMEDIATELY. I will add more if anything else comes up. 

-

To: dipper@mysteryshack.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-02-2016 08:22:16 Subject: Just saw you off.

Just got you all packed up in the car and watched you drive away. I hate this. I hate this so much. You hate it, too. I know it. Why can't you just say that?

Speaking of things you won't say, you're not fooling me. I know, Dip. It's okay. It would be okay if you just told me, but you won't. Are you really that afraid that I'll hate you? After everything we went through? Give me more credit than that!!!

Give me more of everything...

XoXo Mabel

-

To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf From: dipper@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-02-2016 08:22:56 Subject: Re: Just saw you off.

I'm sorry, but I'm unable to answer your e-mail at the moment! I am temporarily losing access to this account so I can better concentrate on my studies. I hope to have everything in order and be back at it by the end of 2014!

-Dip

***THIS IS AN AUTO-RESPONSE. USER HAS BEEN UNAVAILABLE FOR 1,076 DAYS***

-

To: straightblanchin@gotmail.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-05-16, 22:45:16 PST Subject: Re: I saw Mr. Pines!!!

Really glad you were able to get out to see him! The place he's living isn't as bad as he likes to say it is, he just misses Gravity Falls. I go down there whenever I get the chance, but as soon as I start school my free time disappears. I suppose I could go down there on holidays, but that's the only time I ever get to spend with Dipper. He should be coming up to Washington for Thanksgiving, but he was supposed to come LAST year and he changed his mind.

Do you still call Grunkle Stan? Dipper says he needs more phone calls. I know the cell service there is really whack, but you guys still have a landline, right?

Speaking of Dipper!!! I got to spend the last week of August with Dipper for our birthday, as usual. He seems a bit stressed out, I don't think Grunkle Ford is giving him enough breaks. There's also something he's keeping from me, and in typical Dipper fashion he's doing an extremely bad job of it. I think he's trying to tell me without telling me, but I can't let that slide. He has to just ... say it. I tried to get it out of him all week, but I didn't get anywhere. Maybe I can make some more progress when I see him at Thanksgiving.

I've already gotten a letter from him! He says he's going to try and keep up this year, but ... he never does. He always tries, though, and that's something, right?

Let me know if you plan on visiting Grunkle Stan again anytime soon. Maybe I can try and meet you both!

XoXo Mabel

-

To: : lumberjaneinthecity@gotmail.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-07-2016 22:16:34 PST Subject: Re: New addy!

Hey, Wendy! Glad to hear you're settling in at your new place up in Portland. I don't think I could handle living with that many roommates, guess having all those brothers finally came in handy?

Just curious, do you ever plan on going back to Gravity Falls to visit?

XoXo Mabel

-

To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf From: lumberjaneinthecity@gotmail.co.gf Date: 09-08-2016 07:49:06 PST Subject: Re: New addy!

Nah!

-W

-

To: boycrazyyyyyyyyyy@gotmail.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-08-2016 21:10:43 PST Subject: Re: Princess Grenade and the Lusty Werewolf ((OOC: Sorry for my late reply, been distracted with Dipper and school. Can you send me an updated copy of the Master Doc? The one I have is really out of date; Princess Grenade is missing a bunch of the abilities I know her to have. Plus the List of Lovers is like, half as long as it should be lmaoooo.))

"YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE ME???" roared the werewolf, who's name was actually Steve, "I CAN'T HANDLE ME!!!"

The air filled with the sound of tearing fabric as he tore his pants from his bulging, werewolf legs. They were mostly off already, the transformation had seen to that,  but he knew that he needn't preserve his modesty in front of this royal beauty: her reputation preceded her. Every werewolf in the land knew that one day they may be confronted by the power of her erotic charms and have no choice but to act. And act Steve did, letting his bare body glisten in the moonlight for her and her alone.

"BEHOLD, PRINCESS! A MEMBER THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN!!!"

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf From: boycrazyyyyyyyyyy@gotmail.co.gf Date: 09-09-0:1:32:36 Subject: Re: Princess Grenade and the Lusty Werewolf

((OOC: NO WORRIES!!! I know you've been busy!!!! It was just a CRAPPY place to break the scene, I've been waiting almost TWO WEEKS for this horned up lycan take off his threadbare pants!!! UNF!! Master Doc attached!!))

Princess Grenade drooled, staring disrespectfully at his massive werewolf cock.

File Attachment: PRINCESSGRENADESEXCAPADESAGAMASTERDOC.rtf

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To: boycrazyyyyyyyyyy@gotmail.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-12-2016 21:10:43 PST Subject: Re: Princess Grenade and the Lusty Werewolf

((OOC: Thanks!! Are you still updating the GroogleDoc? Candy says she'll try and draw some art of this scene when we're done. You know she doens't like to work off stuff we haven't finished. She wants the whoooooole enchilada. Says it makes us better writers for it, and I think she's right, you know?))

Massive it was, looming over the Princess like a throbbing baseball bat of love, twitching with desire as he breathed heavily, "THEY USED TO CALL ME STEVE!!!" he growled, taking a threatening step towards Grenade, "BUT I ATE EVERYONE THAT CALLED ME STEVE!!!! AM I STILL STEVE????"

Even in peak arousal; the torment of his stolen humanity was evident. Poor Steve. Will no-one reach out and touch Steve?

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf From: boycrazyyyyyyyyyy@gotmail.co.gf Date: 09-13-2016 03:11:23 PST Subject: Re: Princess Grenade and the Lusty Werewolf

((OOC: TOTALLY!! God, I just feel so bad for Steve, you know? Don't worry, Steve. You can cry it all out after you thrash me with your hog!!!))

 "Steve, STEVE!" Princess Grenade bellowed, holding up her hands, "You really need to CHILL! Of COURSE you're still Steve." She reached out and took his hand-paw in hers, "Deep down inside, you will always be Steve."

Princess Grenade took a deep breath and powered up her level seventeen void throat. //This one's gonna be a DOOZY!!//

Without any fanfare, the busty princess swallowed Werewolf Steve's twitching cock whole, her void throat working overtime to stimulate the needy beast. He yowled. He growled. He made noises that defy description, releasing them into the night as the best throat game in the seven kingdoms worked to free him from his madness.

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To: boycrazyyyyyyyyyy@gotmail.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-15-2016  20:30:02 PST Subject: Re: Princess Grenade and the Lusty Werewolf

((OOC: Level seventeen??? Nice. Nice. Also, Grenda, if you reply to another one of these at 3 am on a school night I won't reply again for a week. We promised we wouldn't let this get away from us like it did last year.))

Steve was no match for the princess; folding into his desires immediately. They had been building so long, long before this encounter had ever happened. He spent his days, even as a normal human being, daydreaming about finally being able to lay his hands on Princess Grenade. To cover her in kisses so tender they bordered on savagery, to short-circuit her over-anxious brain to stop her from thinking too much, to force a physical connection that it would be impossible for her to ignore. As decadent as Grenade's throat void was, he needed something more out of her: ecstasy.

He forcefully pulled Princess Grenade away from him, lifting her by the shoulders. "I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE!!!! I'M COMING TO TAKE IT!!!!"

Taking the princess' enthusiastic whooping as a go-ahead, he threw her to the ground and pinned her with his meaty wolfman body. He paused a moment to rest his snout in the crook of her neck, savoring the way the scent of the dirt under them mixed with her sweat. Not distracted for long, he ripped away her clothes with his claws, careful not to graze her flesh.

There it was. The naked body that had consumed his dreams. A gift and a curse, a nightly visitation by the most perfect thing he had ever seen ... yet was always so painfully out of reach. In his dreams he let that beautiful body consume him, and he consumed it right back, aching and striving to make the face of its owner twist in pleasure so intense it made them forget why they shouldn't be doing this. And, like clockwork, just when it felt like he was finally going to experience the ultimate climax, it was ripped away from him as he joined the waking world. Left to lay there panting in bed, listening to the worst morning DJ in the world make unfuny jokes about subjects that are none of his business. A nightmare more terrifying and tortuous than turning into a monster once every twenty-eight days: unrequited longing.

But it was okay ... this wasn't a dream, and his nightmare was about to end.

Steve descended on Princess Grenade with wolfen fury, satiating himself using her body as the means. Not that her needs were being ignored, quite the opposite in fact, getting her off was getting HIM off, and quickly. He thrust into her with wild abandon, moaning something that might have been her name, but it also might have been a plea for mercy. Before he knew it, his body was being wracked by an orgasm so powerful that it undid his transformation -- but not before he ejaculated dubious ropes of his essence deep into Grenade's womb.

Steve the human, who really wasn't all that handsome actually, panted on top of the princess as he struggled to find his breath. Now that he'd been freed of his curse, at least for the time being, he was sane enough to remember his true mission: Kill Princess Grenade.

He smirked, even though his original plan had been derailed and ruined a good portion of his life, he was still going to look like the smartest person in the world even though it was completely by accident. He was just better than everyone else that way, including the princess who he had just used for his own joy and now was ready to discard like trash just because of a nebulous order from an even more nebulous being that promiesd him nebulous rewards. He reared up, eyes blazing, violence in his heart.

"Aha!" he crowed, triumphant. "I have outsmarted thee, Princess, and I--"

Steve's voice melted into an unsettling squelch as several crossbow bolts pierced his skull, erupting with his useless brain on the other side. His steaming gray matter covered the forest floor, his pathetic body slumping to the dirt as his tainted blood drained from the open wounds in his head. His eyes stared skyward, milky and full of terror, perhaps he realized just before the life left his body that he had truly messed with the wrong princess. Grenade had friends, powerful ones.

"Princess, it is I, the Lady Maybelle." the high-level holy knight stepped from the shadows, her armor gleaming in the moonlight. "I came to find you because I need to talk to you about something.... important. I saw that you were having a bit of fun with a werewolf, so I was just gonna hang around until you finished. But... That man meant to kill you, so I killed him first."

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf From: boycrazyyyyyyyyyy@gotmail.co.gf Date: 09-17-2016 23:15:26 PST Subject: Re: Princess Grenade and the Lusty Werewolf

((OOC: HOLY SHIT!!!!!! That's a LOT!!! Lemme address some things. 1) I was not "up until" 3am, I happened to wake up to go to the bathroom and saw that you had replied. I got excited and dashed out my reply, I promise I won't do that again in the future. 2)This is literally the hottest thing you have written to date and I hope you're proud of yourself. 3)Unrelated, are you still seeing that therapist your dad set you up with? Just wondering how that's going. 4)I think this reply can count as the endcap on the scene. I'll compile this and send it to Candy so she can put that Bacom Wamboo tablet to WORK!!! 5)If you wanna go ahead and start a new e-mail thread, cool!! Or if you want me to do it just let me know, either way!!))

"HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!" Princess Grenade screamed, wiping dumb man viscera off of her face as she sat up, naked and satisfied. "Wow! Good thing you always have my back, Lady Maybelle! Sounds like you need ME to have yours! What's up??"

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To: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-19-2016 19:16:01 PST Subject: Hey...

Hey, Pacifica

It's Mabel Pines.

Just wondering how you're doing lately, and I'd like to remind you that you owe me a favor.

XoXo Mabel - To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf             From: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf Date: 09-19-2016 19:58:21 PST Subject: Re: Hey...

Wow. Really?

-PNW

Sent from my Fruitphone

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To: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-19-2016 20:05:14 PST Subject: Re: Hey...

Yes, really!!

XoXo Mabel

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf             From: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf Date: 09-19-2016 20:14:38 PST Subject: Re: Hey...

I'm fine, thanks. A year from now I'll be settling in at the Ivy Junket school of my choice, and if I manage to get all A's daddy said he'll let me choose a species to knock off the critically endangered list. I'm thinking bonobos, I hate their noses.

What do YOU want from me? Other than my money and attention?

-PNW

Sent from my Fruitphone

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To: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-19-2016 20:19:32 PST Subject: Re: Hey...

Bonobos! Sounds ... great!

Have you seen my brother at all lately? If not, can you try and get a look at him?

XoXo Mabel

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf             From: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf Date: 09-19-2016 20:26:38 PST Subject: Re: Hey

No.

Why?

-PNW

Sent from my Fruitphone

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To: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-19-2016 20:30:31 PST Subject: Re: Hey...

I just ... want you to check for anything weird!!

XoXo Mabel

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf             From: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf Date: 09-19-2016 20:38:21 PST Subject: Re: Hey

A 17-year-old boy cloistered away in the woods with an eccentric old man that never leaves the house? Nothing weird there. Sounds perfectly normal, actually, especially for you Pines freaks.

You're going to have to be more specific.

-PNW

Sent from my Fruitphone

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To: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-19-2016 20:43:59 PST Subject: Re: Hey...

I really can't be more specific at the moment. He writes to me, but some of the things he's been putting in his letters lately have me pretty worried. I just want to get some eyes on him to make sure he's okay. If you manage to run into him in town, could you try and snap a picture and send it to me? Also: Have you heard any weird whispering from the woods? Seen anything unusual? I mean, unusual for Gravity Falls.

XoXo Mabel

- To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf             From: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf Date: 09-19-2016 20:50:19 PST Subject: Re: Hey I can TRY and get a picture of him??? We don't exactly make a habit of crossing paths, but sometimes I see him out driving. IF I manage to see him I will ATTEMPT to take a picture, but I'm not going out of my way to get it done.

No, no whispers or anything. At least not that I've noticed. I don't tend to make a habit of going near the woods. Don't like the scene, you know? The town seems a bit dour lately, if that counts for anything. Just an icky sort of ... yuck, that's all over the place. Really harshing the homecoming vibes this year. BTW, can you please tell Grenda that if she submits 'Lycan Lovers' as her idea for prom theme one more time that I'm going to have her drawn and quartered? She won't take my calls, for some reason.

-PNW

Sent from my Fruitphone.

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To: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-19-2016 20:52:31 PST Subject: Re: Hey...

Thank you!!!!

And yeah. I'll tell her.

XoXo Mabel

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf From: gigglewiggle@gotmail.co.gf Date: 09-21-2016 16:48:54 PST Subject: questionnnnnn ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )

what color is the werewolf steven's fur??? you never say in the text. i want to make him green, if it is up to me. (๑>؂•̀๑)

btw btw

this one was SO good. you and grenda are so talented. (๑>◡<๑)

-can

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To: gigglewiggle@gotmail.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-21-2016 22:01:28 Subject: Re: questionnnnnn ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )

Omg I think green would be amazing, actually. Go with that!

Thanks for the compliment, I've been putting a lot into my writing lately. It's pretty much the only outlet I have, lol.

BTW, have you seen Dipper around town at all?

XoXo Mabel

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf From: gigglewiggle@gotmail.co.gf Date: 09-22-2016 16:30:21 PST Subject: Re: questionnnnnn ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )

green it is!!! hehehehehehe

i did not see him recently, no. i did see him over the summer. i made a sketch of what that looked like. (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

-can

File Attachment: dippernopiku.png

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To: gigglewiggle@gotmail.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-23-2016 17:22:08 PST Subject: Re: questionnnnnn ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )

I've seen him since the summer, so this isn't really helpful. It's also unhelpful for other reasons.

Can.

Can?

IS THAT AN ORE NO PIKU SCREENCAP REDRAW???

XoXo Mabel

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf From: gigglewiggle@gotmail.co.gf Date: 09-24-2016 16:10:13 PST Subject: Re: questionnnnnn ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )

ohohohohohohoho miss mabel (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶), i don't know what you mean? (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

how do you know what that is?  Don’t you try and goody proctor me! (¬`‸´¬)

-can

File Attachment: dippernopiku-lines.png

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To: gigglewiggle@gotmail.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-24-2016 22:51:08 PST Subject: Re: questionnnnnn ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )

Firstly, never mind. Secondly, I'm begging you not to send me the colored version if you do it. Thirdly, how's that werewolf coming along?

...Also, if you see Dipper in town, try and get a close look at him? I'm not sure he's okay. I'm getting worried about him.

XoXo Mabel

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf From: gigglewiggle@gotmail.co.gf Date: 09-25-2016 18:52:49 PST Subject: Re: questionnnnnn ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )

will do! i will be looking for him harder than usual. ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

and here is the latest version of the illustration. ( > 〰 < )♡

-can

File Attachment: werewolfstevenandprincessgrenade.png

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf             From: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf Date: 09-27-2016 17:01:13 PST Subject: As you asked...

So, I was trying to take some selfies for Gramsta by the 24-7-365, when guess who I spotted in the parking lot?

Sorry for the filter; I wanted to get the picture as quickly as possible and did NOT want to be like ... obvious about it. I tried to send it in the parking lot but I couldn't get it to go through, so I did it as soon as I got to my home wi-fi.

IMO he's looking a little stressed out. I remember him looking that way most of the time? But it's particularly noticeable; like he's having a reeeeally bad day. The bags under his eyes say he's not sleeping great, either.

That means he's fine, right?

-PNW

Sent from my Fruitphone File Attachment: 09-27-2016-161011.png

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To: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-27-2016 17:45:20 PST Subject: Re: As you asked...

I don't really think so. Thank you for doing this for me.

XoXo Mabel

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf             From: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf Date: 09-27-2016 18:10:38 PST Subject: Re: As you asked...

It wasn't any trouble, really.

What do you think is wrong with him?

-PNW

Sent from my Fruitphone

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To: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-27-2016 18:17:22 PST Subject: Re: As you asked...

I don't know.

XoXo Mabel

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf             From: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf Date: 09-27-2016 18:25:38 PST Subject: Re: As you asked...

Are you like, gonna try and find out?

-PNW

Sent from my Fruitphone

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To: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-27-2016 18:28:22 PST Subject: Re: As you asked...

I don't know!

XoXo Mabel

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf             From: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf Date: 09-27-2016 18:36:03 PST Subject: Re: As you asked...

Well, if you figure anything out, maybe let me know. Or don't, do whatever you want.

-PNW

Sent from my Fruitphone -

To: 2rich2furious@northwest.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-27-2016 18:38:49 PST Subject: Re: As you asked...

I will.

XoXo Mabel

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To: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf From: boycrazyyyyyyyyyy@gotmail.co.gf Date: 09-28-2016 22:55:31 PST Subject: What's Up With Lady Maybelle

((OOC: Candy sent me the updated art and MAN!!! She really knows how to capture the moment. You hadn't sent a new start post so I'm taking initiative. Princess Grenade doesn't want to leave her most treasured friend hanging!!!!))

Princess Grenade walked arm and arm with the Lady Maybelle through the woods. When they were together, nothing could harm them. Their friendship was stronger than any bond, could endure any test, and was the safest place for any and all secrets. The envy of everyone in the land, the equal of none.

"So what's up, Lady Maybelle?" Grenade asked, "You seem really upset. Is everything alright? Obviously not, so, tell me what's not right! Let's make it right!"

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To: boycrazyyyyyyyyyy@gotmail.co.gf From: mabel@mysteryshack.co.gf Date: 09-30-2016  02:13:21 PST Subject: Re: What's Up With Lady Maybelle ((OOC: I had almost forgotten, thank you for sending this starter!!))

Lady Maybelle was quiet for a long time, focusing on the sound that her and the princess' footsteps made on the leaves of the forest floor. There was so much to say, where did she even begin?

"It's really complicated." she finally breathed, "...But it concerns Sir Ursa. I don't see him very much since he opted to stay and train with that shady wizard, and the letters he's been sending me lately have been keeping me up at night. The thing is, there's nothing overtly ... wrong ... with the letters, they're just ... not right. He's not right, and I don't know what to do. I'm worried that something terrible is happening to him, and I'm powerless to stop it."

- TBC in Obsequium Part II!!

[intoloopin-archive]

JJ knows his strengths and how to highlight them so even if he isn't that musically gifted he can still keep up! His upbringing didn't allow him to be anything but a little diva and I love that for him but I wonder how his personality fits into the group.

But your little character breakdown/plot posts are always good!

GIO.

I've been treating this ask like a very fancy bottle of wine, really waiting for the perfect moment to answer it in the most interesting way possible, and now that LOOPiN is FINALLY (!!!) free from New Wave Music and they officially have a new home, I believe a post dissecting how they used to work under Seo CEO's awful control is a must. And here I have the perfect little moment to ramble about it! Which I love!

So, the short answer to your questions is: J.J fits in very badly on a personal level, and most of the other guys consider him unmanageable to say the least, but! LOOPiN as a whole has been so desensitized to Jiahang's (annoying!) personality because, as long as they were under New Wave, they all knew that he was an untouchable constant; both because of his father's grip on the company stock, and because in mid 2021 J.J made the very strategic decision to take active part on backing LOOPiN financially, and he did so by paying for their dorm room accomodations and making that his sole responsability - which is why in some pieces set on their 'flop era' you can notice that their home is just waaaaay too fucking nice.

But yeah, with anyone who's not Minwoo (from late 2020 up until literally a week before he publicly retired from making music), Haegon (often enough) or Hanjae, Jiahang has had very big professional and personal feuds that still linger. It gets ugly sometimes guys, it really does.

Now! To the longer answer!

NEW WAVE MUSIC's LOOPiN & ITS HIDDEN HIERARCHY:

[❗] TWs: corporate abuse, medical neglect.

If in universe iNSYNCs or just people aware of them were to be consulted, they would say that the chain of command and order of company favoritism while LOOPiN were under New Wave Music (2017 - 2023) ended up as:

01. Minwoo; 02. Seungsoo; 03. Haruki; 04. O.z; 05. J.J; 06. Hanjae; 07. Gyujin; 08. Dylan; 09. Taesong; 10. Haegon.

*Former member Lee Beomseok is not included, but just so you know, he wouldn't crack the Top5.

Which, by looking at the graphic you can see it's pretty off! Let's dissect it!

(NOTE: The two white boxes around the Top4 symbolize leadership roles, and they obviously entail the Produce Line, but less obviously, in a ground right above it, stands Minwoo and J.J in a duo that we can informally call as 'LOOPiN's Crisis Management'.)

At the very top of the food chain, we have J.J: As mentioned above, and also said in posts in the past here and there, Jiahang's spot in LOOPiN was 100% bought by his father, but his privilege goes way beyond just sharing surnames with a major sponsor: J.J has an entire personal team of lawyers, a private stylist and his own manager/financial consultant, Han Qiong (39), which puts him miles ahead of everyone else who depended on New Wave's shady and unprepared staff team. Jiahang's influence is also very present in everything on LOOPiN's two last years under New Wave (which came as consequence of him being Minwoo's "apprentice"), but it's all very subtle, as he always hid behind Minwoo to not spoil his incompetent brat persona to CEO Seo Chanhyuk - many marketing stunts, a good parts of their visual identity and even some promoted songs were handpicked by him but signed off as Minwoo's decisions, and even the members don't know that. As of now, speaking of 2023-0T9-Rare-Rhythm-LOOPiN, only Taesong and Haruki are aware of their past almost co-leadership deal and know how frail J.J actually is with this start over on the career department. He has pretty much no idea how and what he should do next now that he doesn't have a clear advantage! A giant really fell!

Minwoo: Even before he took over the official leader position from Taesong in 2021, everyone working with LOOPiN behind the scenes knew Minwoo was the guy in charge: not only was he the frontman of the Produce Line, but not a single decision even outside the group's sound was made without consulting him, mostly because people felt like they should - his... passionate involvement, let's say, about every aspect of the group was very clear. He also kept riding the wave of his Boy Of The Week days as "the golden trainee", and the respect he build in the industry after butting heads with Chanhyuk and his brigade of shareholders to make LOOPiN creative independent, even though it did give everyone consequences - Seo CEO came to HATE his guts right after they debuted, and was a bitch about them just because Minwoo was always just as much of a bitch back. Him making Taesong the leader during their group debut despite Minwoo's obvious crave for that title was just as much of a move made to try to control them as it was petty, childish shit.

O.z: Wu Zhiming is not someone you can restrain, and New Wave Music came to learn that a beat too late; they also didn't know how to fully support him as a music producer, which O.z took no time to notice and start quietly networking his way into opportunities. Now, his music career outside of LOOPiN is the most stable - he's been the major producer and collaborator with Nico, an independent (and faceless!) singer that in universe has internet fame reaching the likes of Pinkpantheress, and he's definely the first member to reach stable international fame, even if it's a tad controversial. And that's something he did despite New Wave Music, and Zhiming has talked about it publicly with no fear, so everyone knows he's truly independent! You go, O.z!

Seungsoo: Seungsoo always has a hard time seeing the bigger picture, and with his career it was no different: he always assumed the Produce Line was an equal triad and even that he was Minwoo's second hand man (which, LMAO. NO!), and he constantly failed to see everyone always respected him the less. But he was and is a group producer, he did have a voice and some control of LOOPiN as a brand, and that automatically puts him above a lot of the members. Seungsoo is also very popular with the public, known as a sweet talker and charming guy, and his music is very sought after for girl groups and female soloists. He was not doing the worst.

Gyujin: Gyujin, the newest loop dude of them all, stands right in the middle. He joined LOOPiN at a crazy time, but he is flexible by nature and he worked himself into the public's good graces very quickly, all on his own; it barely took him 7 months to be iNSYNC's new darling dearest, which did give some brownie points with Seo CEO at the time. Gyujin is also very familiar with the entertainment industry, which barely changed in the years he spend retired from child acting, so he knew from the get go what to watch out for. His contract signing took 3 weeks because he kept going for legal tweaks, something that immediately set off warning sirens inside Seo CEO's head, but at that point, Gyujin was all he had to try to set off the fire of Beomseok's departure - and many other accusations! If he had more time inside the company, Gyujin could definely pull a J.J and find something to use to his advantage against Chanhyuk, because if there's one thing he'll always do, is find an angle.

Hanjae: As soon as Sangwon got out of the picture as LOOPiN's manager in early 2022, Hanjae found himself in a very interesting position, that being his elevation from someone that was literally hidden for two years inside their own group to a hotshot debutee actor - fully backed by Chanhyuk, who was so fucking tired of LOOPiN having collective fame at this point. As we know, Hanjae's crush on Haruki was old and a well known fact inside New Wave, and it ended up causing his professional downfall; Sangwon mismanaged him on porpouse in LOOPiN's early years to not only punish him for his feelings, but also just to torment Haruki. Recently, Seo CEO has committed the big mistake of trying to convince Hanjae to sell his exclusive contract to an acting agency on New Wave's last days, and despite Hanjae double crossing him and immediately telling everyone about the company's hidden fate back in January so they could prepare for it, Chanhyuk still planted a lot of doubt on Hanjae's mind about his Idol future, and that will be at play very soon, thanks to 'Kick It' winning the comeback poll! So stay tunned!;

Taesong: As said on the Minwoo section, Taesong's role as LOOPiN's leader was given to him because Seo CEO needed someone in charge to be under his thumb, and Taesong filled that role okay enough for as long as he could - Minwoo's very harsh criticism of his every move plus everyone's lack of respect of the sentimental way he used to run things eventually got to him mentally. He had many hiatuses in his career, and with each new one came more of a lack of interest from New Wave Music in him as a way of income. If it wasn't for his own volution and need to get better, Taesong wouldn't be the vocal powerhouse he is now - he payed for his own vocal coaches, all non affiliate with the company! By the time he returned from his most serious and longest hiatus in early 2021, making the (not so willing) decision to give out the leader position to Minwoo, all without notifying Seo CEO first, made him public enemy number #2, and it definitely showed on his sudden erasure of schedules.

Haegon: From pretty much day one, Haegon was not taken seriously by anyone inside New Wave Music as an Idol or person, specially in Seo Chanhyuk's eyes: his very unsettling attachment to former member Beomseok paired with his short temper painted him as a kid unwilling to grow up, and when Beomseok left and Haegon put up a whole dissapearing stunt for a week (he had to be fake announced to be put on hiatus!), any slight interest or patience Seo Chanhyuk had for him died. Dare I say, Seo CEO saw Haegon as his biggest signing mistakes, when you take into consideration that "he wasn't even good enough to make the main vocalist stay" - his own words! So Haegon was not encouraged to train beyond his habilities or given any sort of solo schedules. Haegon himself felt the company's disbelief in him in his bones, too, and found it hard to try.

Haruki: Despite being made the public face of LOOPiN from 2021 and onwards, and eventually starting as a model with a lot of company apparent support (big highlight on apparent), Haruki was not the target of favoritism in the slightest; it was the very opposite. None of the investment made by New Wave towards Haruki was genuine, made to be long term or took what he wanted to do as an artist into consideration. It was just Seo CEO buying his silence about his horrible involvement with Sangwon without explicitly saying to Haruki that he was buying his silence. Haruki also never had freedom of movement from the moment he became a Week Boy, and even small decisions he had the impression of being made without Sangwon's involvement over the years always ended up with his involvement despite his demands for the contrary, because Seo CEO did not care or respect him, ever. (Which is in my humble opinion one of his worst crimes: knowing and doing nothing for a share price. Fuck that man, honestly, fuck him.)

And in the lowest of lows, Dylan: In the old blog I had a piece that was fully narrated by Chihoon, and in it we caught a glimpse of the situation with his private contract under New Wave Music and by extension, Blockberry Creative; how his trainee dept was thrice everyone's size because he lost a private defamation lawsuit against both companies back when he was on Boy Of The Week, plus one claiming neglect from Seo CEO directly. Dylan's contract as a whole was barely legal and made by a lawyer that was at the time Seo CEO's wife-to-be (🥴), and the disparity definely showed as LOOPiN went on. Mind you: his first ever solo project (given how he did not promote his debut track 'Monster' or 'Teenager' with LOOPiN Look(a)Like due to an hospitalization), was his rebellion album released in 2022, and that obviously had no company support. Dylan also was on the down low obligated to see a 'company psychiatrist', something that is exclusive to him and was as shady as it fucking sounds - a lot of his growing paranoia as his career goes on it's not only caused by the things he becomes a witness to, but also the bad intentioned changes made in his medication.

[magixfairyix]

Darcy's Magic & Magic Theory

Table of Contents:

01: Magic Signature

02: Planet Signature

03: Mental Signature

04: Darcy & Lilith's Magic

05: Psychic Magic

06: Dark Magic

07: Pos/Neg Effects

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Magic Signature: Her magic signature (information about the different signatures is available here) is her unique magic of both psychic and dark magic, and although her magic itself is Lilith's, the magic, the way Darcy uses it, and that combined with her energy as a person contributes to her magic signature

In my mind, her magic signature would show obvious dark and psychic magic, along with bringing a small feeling of foreboding (a fleeting one that you may not catch) if you walk past her or something.

This is also the reason in my mind how Musa in season 2 was able to recognize Darcy during the Trix's first attack at Red Fountain, as both magic users who who the music and psychic element can more easily pick up on magical signatures as they all operate on the same frequency of theta waves (the brainwave present during meditation, hypnosis, and music can interact with the different types of brain waves including this one).

When your brain is in the theta wave state (at least according to Google and from what I remember from classes) you are more connected to your subconscious and can pick up on energies and insights.

Different magical signatures (not just the magic signature) would normally be in this state, and for one's magic to operate on the same wavelength as them makes it easier to pick up on them. Darcy can easily pick up on different magical signatures as they operate on the same wavelength as her psychic magic.

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Planet Signature:

"The energy that all things in the magic dimension have, and it comes from the planet they were born form. Plants, faries, witches, specialists, you name it.

One's planet signature gives them enough to manifest a spell but not cast a spell. Casting is giving a spell a clear physical cause and form, while manifesting is willing it into existence."

Darcy's planet signature comes from her planet in my backstory for her: Zenothe (more information in the linked post). It is the previously dead planet where a lot of witches went after being turned away when dark magic and therefore them started appearing. Most of the original witches on Zenothe came from Domino, and they brought a small spark of a flame from Domino (not the Dragon Flame obs, which's connected to the Dominion bloodline) and it merged with the dark/dead/barely existing planet signature of Zenothe to create a dark flame of sorts.

Darcy's planet signature is that of Zenothe, and is identical to other witches from Zenothe who were born there and didn't come to Zenothe from another planet.

This is why she was able to channel a dark flame to burn Alfea's library in season three, the episode where Musa gained Enchantix.

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Mental Signature:

"So a mental signature is the natural energy your thoughts, memories, and mental process give off. If you're calm and think things through your mental signature will reveal that, and if you're a bigot and your thoughts show that, your mental signature will show that as well."

Darcy has a naturally strong mental signature due to her affinity for psychic magic, and it is very easy for her to recognize other mental signatures due to her magic as well. It is clear if someone detects her mental signature that she uses the psychic element, due to the amount of magic that is focused in her mind.

More scientifically, the brain. Magic is in one's blood and flows as such, though psychic magic is found and would be located in the veins and arteries in one's brain.

Thoughts, as mentioned in the post about magical signatures, also influence one's mental signature. By this logic, Darcy's mental signature would make it clear that she is a witch (with how witches use negative emotions to fuel their magic), the emotion she most frequently uses if the one detecting her mental signature is skilled enough (being a need for control to fuel her psychic magic, and the emotion of apathy to fuel her dark magic, more information about how emotions fuel magic here), her usually calm and collected attitude, etc.

In one word, her mental signature would be collected and chaotic, as her mental signature is a collection of all her emotions, thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs. As in control of herself, as she is, her mental signature is one caught of off guard when reading it (though her psychic magic naturally protects her mind from being read by these means, at least if the person doesn't put in the magical effort to) would be chaotic.

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Darcy & Liltith's Magic:

"Darcy's was quite remarkable. Quite a few of the witches on Zenothe were known for getting their magic from Lilith, though only the shadow side of Lilith's magic was expressed in these few witches (this was purposefully from the witch's side, not wanting to give her power to someone/multiple people she couldn't control). Lilith decided to give her psychic magic slowly, saving most of the magic for last.

Though Lilith's psychic magic is strong, and Darcy was a child, and not a lot of people on her planet knew how to deal with it. She had a neighbour or two who came from other planets with psychic magic who tried to help her deal with it and train her, but it was too much magic too quickly. It was painful."

(More information about the above here)

Darcy naturally had an affinity for dark magic (illusion magic, shadow magic, transportation, all of that), similarly to some others on her planet that got their magic from Lilith. That was the magic she was born with, and the magic she was used to.

Lilith was able to channel psychic magic (the second magic the Ancestral Witch has control over) to Darcy due to that, due to a similarity in magic. Darcy slowly began to get headaches and migraines, as having psychic magic in one's brain is jarring if brought into someone's self too quickly as Lilith had done.

The brain of course controls a lot of the body, and so having new magic in there that wasn't there before impacted Darcy physically. She would have been fine if Lilith channelled only a small amount of psychic magic and left it to naturally develop, or if the psychic magic was introduced slowly over a long period. However this was not the case.

Darcy frequently suffered from insomnia (due to the parts of her brain controlling her circadian rhythm being messed up), headaches, and forgetting memories only to recall them the next day. Until she fully got her psychic magic, and she learned to control it.

These negative side effects of magic do not normally happen if one's body is used to the magic, because the psychic magic would learn to regulate itself on its own.

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Psychic Magic: In order to properly and skillfully use psychic magic, one has to have very deep knowledge of how the brain works, its parts, and its different processes. As well as how the conscious, subconscious, and unconscious works. So Darcy is very well versed in the anatomy of the brain and psychology in order to use her magic as well as she can.

Mind Reading:

~ Mind reading works by the user mimicking the brain waves being emitted by the individual whose thoughts they want to read, so that the individual's thoughts are able to move along from the individual into what is known as the "psychic space," which is the distance between the mind reader and the individual. The thoughts then reach the mind reader.

~ Mind reading can work with both the conscious thoughts; the subconscious, thoughts that are not directly in one's awareness but can be recalled; and the unconscious, 'repressed thoughts' that an individual is not aware of. The mind reader just needs to mimic different brain waves depending on such.

~ Mimicking brain waves for this and other abilities is needed so that the target does not realize what is going on and cannot put up defences.

Psychic Linking:

~ Psychic linking is when a psychic magic user links their mind and someone else's across the "psychic space" in a way that is semi-permanent until it is broken off by one of the individuals. This form of a connection across the "psychic space" requires less than the normal amount of effort among the linked individuals to do things such as communicating telepathically, and makes it easy to do so across long distances where it takes a lot of effort and energy to communicate telepathically to read someone's mind.

Mind Control:

~ Mind control is when a psychic magic user controls an individual's conscious thoughts and actions, though this does not require that the individual's conscious thoughts are completely buried/nullified. To mind control someone, one would have to control the person's brain to control the individual's movement, speech, and expressions simultaneously; so temporarily invading an individual's mind through a process similar to mind reading in practical for this, though more deeply ingrained and more invasive than typical mind reading processes.

Telekinesis:

~ Projecting psychic energy across the "psychic space" to the planet signature (one of the three magical signatures) of an object. Everything from the magical dimension has a planet signature, and as such can be controlled by psychic energy that merges the psychic energy into the planet signature.

Clairvoyance:

~ Clairvoyance is the act of seeing events before they happen. To do this one has to open their natural psychic protections up to everything around them while focusing on the thought of what they are looking for specifically. It is a very chaotic and draining process, and Darcy does not use this ability of hers due to it feeling similar to the lack of control she had over her psychic magic when she was a child.

Mental Manipulation:

~ Mental manipulation is the overall manipulation over the physical brain and does not include interacting across the "psychic space." Once again, one has to have a good understanding of the structure of the brain and psychology to do this. Every being that can think has a mental signature (not as strong as those with psychic magic, but they do) and that can be manipulated as such, as the mental signature, like psychic magic, is located in the veins and arteries of the brain. A small (like a speck) amount of psychic magic in everyone's mind so they have awareness, and was given to them by the Great Dragon. Control of this speck for psychic magic users is the same as Bloom manipulating a candle, and once again, reaching across the "psychic space" is not needed and is not recommended, as it can lead to one feeling the same effects of the mental manipulation as the target.

~ Actions related to mental manipulation are, for example: messing with someone's pain reflex to put them in agony, making them hallucinate, feel nauseous, collapse and lose consciousness (this takes a lot of energy and is impractical), making them sleep better or worse, making them lose sight by blocking off their ocular nerve, and other things of the like.

Psychic Healing:

~ Psychic healing falls under the category of mental manipulation and is completed by a psychic magic user manipulating an individual's brain to send more white blood cells/blood/healing stuff to the wound. This is different than time reversal healing, or Bloom's Dragon Flame healing which removes all impurities from the body and gives pure life energy.

Telepathy:

~ Temporarily cementing the "psychic space" between two individuals and sending one's thoughts between them, and this process is easier if the thoughts are in similar brain waves. As such, it is hard to communicate telepathically with someone if one person is stressed and the other is not, though this difficulty does not exist if the two minds are linked through psychic linking as described above.

Self-Manipulation:

~ Basically manipulating your own mind to do certain things such as sleeping better, or becoming calmer. Though this is both difficult to do, and can lead to permanent damage. This is because when manipulating someone else's mind, they recover and the manipulation is temporary due to distance from the psychic magic user. If one manipulates their own mind there is no distance, and it is permanent. Darcy does not go into this part of her magic cause she's not an idiot, and although she knows what she's doing, she's not going to risk anything.

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Dark Magic: Dark magic (otherwise known as dark arts) encapsulates control over shadows and illusion magic. Moon magic does not fall under this category. Also, deception magic of illusions can be expressed in individuals separate from dark arts, though those who have dark magic have both shadows and illusion magic, and the two cannot be separated and are one singular element.

Teleportation:

~ It works if the magic user knows the area well, and cannot be done through inter-planet travel (where an item such as Stella's scepture, or a portal is required). One has to clearly picture where they want to transport to (the more clear, the more reliable the transportation is) and let their being move into the "dimensional space" (Point at the air in front of you. That's dimensional space. Any space that's not occupied with an object/by a planet signature that all objects have is part of the dimensional space) not as a physical form and becoming only all three of one's magical signatures at once, and to where they want to go, before regaining physicality.

Shadow Transmutation:

~ Reach out with dark magic. Shadow with similar energy. Control it, move it, bop it, shake it. The more complicated the shape of the transmutation and the bigger it is, the more energy it takes for the magic user in order to control it.

Illusions:

~ Basically filling the "dimensional space" with shadows that are on an atomic level and reforming them to give them a physical form, that can be controlled like in shadow transmutation, though it takes focus to control every aspect of its movement along with filling the "dimensional space." It takes less energy but more focus than shadow transmutation. Illusions are always physical and are often confused with holographic projection, which is an easier process.

Holographic Projection:

~ Filling the "dimensional space" with a duplication of an already existing image. This is not physical and only visual, those these holographic projections could be audible if the original image speaks. Makes shadows on an atomic form mimic an image by giving them a role, and letting them copy that image as such without needing constant control. Basically, illusions in a way, except they take less focus, is not physical, and are more practical during combat

Invisibility:

~ Filling the "dimensional space" around oneself with shadow magic and warping its appearance to fit that of one's surroundings. It uses the same and identical process are holographic projection where the atoms of shadow magic are given a role and does not need constant control to maintain said role. It is easy to stay invisible while using other spells because of this.

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Pos/Neg Effects:

~ Some of the positive effects Darcy has because of both her dark and psychic magic is: she can tell time (like Stella) by looking at the sky but especially during nighttime while Stella's ability works better in the day, she can read people very well in terms of their tone and body language, she naturally feels calmer in dimmer conditions

~ Some of the negative effects Darcy has: if she is in extremely bright conditions (normal daylight is fine) it is very unpleasant, with psychic magic it is necessary that one does not burry any trauma or unpleasantries so she has to address things in order to properly use her magic to its fullest level

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Not an expert in psych. Have taken classes on it and double-checked with google, so please correct me if I got something wrong.

But also trying to make sense of a fictional universe is painful as hell.

[duhragonball]

Neon Genesis Evangelion 09

Okay, okay! I'll tell you all about it. You might want to sit down first. This will take a few minutes...

Last time, Asuka arrived in Japan to serve as the latest Eva pilot. She's already the most popular girl in school, and for some reason Suzuharu and Big Rigg Mahoney have started taking photos of her and selling them to her admirers. Well, the reason is money, obviously. That, and just being little shits.

Asuka seems to revel in the attention, but only because she feels entitled to it. She finds the other pilot, Rei, and introduces herself. Rei isn't particularly impressed.

Asuka wants to be friends, and Rei asks why, then says she'll do it if ordered by their superiors at NERV. Cold.

Oh, hey, remember Kaji? That asshole from the previous episode? The one who ditched the others and delivered that mysterious package to Gendo Ikari? Well, he's staying at the base for some reason. He seems to want to re-start his romance with Misato, but that doesn't stop him from just groping Ritsuko like they've been married for a year. Fuck Kaji, is what I'm trying to say.

Moving on, the real story of this episode is another Angel attack. This is the seventh one overall, and the fifth we've seen since the series started. Like the fifth Angel, this one is headed straight for the NERV base, but they're still reeling from that battle, so they can't afford to let it get that close. Instead, Misato deploys Units 01 and 02 to the shoreline, where they'll intercept the Angel as it makes landfall. If they can double-team the thing, they should be able to overwhelm it before it gets a chance to do anything.

That's the plan, anyway, but Asuka has her own plan, since she wants to make a big debut in Unit 02. She jumps into the surf and cuts the angel in half. Good job, except...

It splits into two monsters and continues attacking. Whoops!

We skip ahead to some time after the battle, but the photos tell the story. NERV was completely humiliated, because they had to call the UN for support. The UN dropped an "N2 mine" on the Angel to halt its advance. This is the same weapon used on the Third Angel from Episode 1. I should note that it didn't work at all in Episode 1, so I don't understand why it helps now. Each new Angel seems to be more powerful than the last, and this one defeated two Evas, which is unprecedented.

The UN's attack managed to burn off 28% of its mass, which temporarily incapacitated it, but it's only a matter of time before it regenerates and picks up where it left off. Okay, I guess that's fair, since the Third Angel needed to regenerate after getting N2'ed, but it didn't take very long. This one needs about a week.

Being, you know, literal children, Asuka and Shinji fail to learn anything from this debacle. Asuka defied orders and went into business for herself, but Shinji just stood there and watched like a dope. Maybe if he had taken some initiative and supported her play, they might have been able to make something work, but he always does as he's told. And this is a problem, because the two of them will have to fight the Angel all over again when it recovers, so they need to be on the same page.

I don't know why Kaji's even in this briefing. He observes that the UN strike bought them time to regroup, and "you can't ask for more than that," which is the stupidest thing anyone says in this conference, which includes bickering from literal children. Yes, Kaji, we can ask for more than this. The whole point of this meeting is to ask the Eva pilots to get their shit together and win the battle in a single engagement.

Another entry in my Kaji Sucks file: I hate this shot of him talking to Asuka. I hate that stupid look on his stupid face, I hate how Asuka has a crush on his useless ass. I hate his clip-on tie, which might be an animation error but it looks stupid either way. In this moment I'm rooting for the Angel to destroy the NERV base just to ensure he dies along with everyone else.

Kaji does have a suggestion to get the kids ready for the rematch, but he can't just say it in the meeting, he has to write it down on a computer file and give it to Ritsuko to give it to Misato, because fuck this guy.

Later, Shinji comes home to Misato's apartment and finds Asuka has moved in. She claims that she's taking Shinji's place, although she'd rather live with Kaji. I'm sure he'd love that too. Kaji is the worst.

Asuka gripes about how small the place is and wonders why all the doors in Japan have no locks, and then Misato shows up to explain that the Japanese way is to "consider the priorities and needs of others before one's own." Right, no other culture ever thought of that before Japan came along, Misato. And what does that have to do with the doors not having locks? If that made any sense, then why does the front door have a lock?

So what is the point of all this? Well, Misato explains that this was Kaji's idea: Shinji and Asuka will spend the next six days living together and doing everything in unison, in order to practice synchronizing their attacks when they face the Angel in six days. They both hate this idea, but there's no time for anything else.

This does not go well, mostly because Asuka is too proud to go along with it. This exercise with the Twister/DDR game is a failure, so Misato asks Rei to give it a try and she syncs up perfectly with Shinji's movements. So why not just have Rei and Shinji tag up for the battle? I mean, they worked well together a while back? It's a proven formula. Rei's Eva doesn't have weapons, but I'm pretty sure they can reconfigure 02 for Rei quickly enough.

So it's the Fusion Reborn plot, but with Asuka in the Vegeta role. She can either fight alongside Shinji, or she can ride the pine. This makes her upset, and her dumb friend tells Shinji to go talk to her because "he made her cry", but by the time he catches up with her she's already worked this out. She'll do the training.

And there's a training montage, and they succeed! I don't quite understand how this tranlates to Eva piloting, but at least they can stand to work together, which has to be an improvement.

Maybe it works a little too well. They sleep in separate rooms, of course, but one night Asuka gets up to use the toilet, then plops down in the wrong futon. There's a tense moment where Shinji's worried that his cassette player will wake her up, but it doesn't. She just lays there and murmurs the word "mama". He almost kisses her, but then he thinks better of it and sleeps on the floor.

Lips in anime are the worst. They always draw these characters with teeny-tiny mouths, which isn't a huge problem until they try to do a scene like this, where Shinji stares at a closeup of Asuka's lips, which look ridiculous because it's so badly misproportioned. He's trying to move in closer to kiss her except their heads are so weird that the pose ends up looking awkward.

I guess it doesn't matter, since he bails out at the last second, bitterly muttering that Asuka is "just a child". I'm not sure how to interpret that, but whatever.

Speaking of awkward kissing, Kaji makes out with Misato in the elevator. When they get to her floor, she steps out and tells him this is a mistake, and he replies with some bullshit about her words saying "no", but her lips saying "yes". Fuck this guy.

Later, she confides in Ritsuko that their relationship, which ended eight years ago, was "the biggest blemish" on her life. I'm curious to see why that would be, but that probably won't get paid off for a while.

Anyway, the big fight happens, and Shinji and Asuka execute the plan perfectly. This time they let the Angel come to them, but they cut their power cables and fight with the one minute of battery life they have. They cut the thing in half like before, then whale on the two halves before finally doing this double divekick move to destroy the Angel's core to end the battle.

The resulting explosion does leave the Evas in an undignified pose, but a win is a win.

This dude is embarrassed, but I didn't see him do a damn thing the whole time. He doesn't even have a name. I mean, they put his bio in the DVD extra features, but why should I care what they call him if they never say his name in the show? He usually just stands behind Gendo and tries to look important. Well fuck him. I'm calling him Clownshoes from now on.

And that's it. I guess this episode was good enough, but I'm not sure about the dynamic Asuka adds to the cast. She's at least active, which is more than I can say for Rei or Shinji, but a lot of time is spent just getting Asuka to do simple teamwork like "cooperating" or "facing reality". Even the NERV staff are getting frustrated about having to work with children, even though the Evangelion program seems to depend upon it for some reason.

In the end, that's just what the show is about, so I can't complain that it nails the depiction of putting children behind the wheel of a super-weapon. It's either a power fantasy or a nightmare, depending on your point of view, and this show tackles that pretty damn well.