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book-lover85 · 3 months ago

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Stay at home dad and artist on commission Keefe

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #keefe sencen #sokeefe #he watches him and sophie's 5 year old little boy and 11 year old girl (she's currently applying for Foxfire) while sophie works #he does his own art pieces along with commissions at home #and the little boy can teleport so he's constantly dropping in on sophie and fitz at their job #(it's related to them being cognates or something idk)#and keefe has a panic attack because he looked away for one second to add a detail to his sketch and now his kid's gone #their kid drops into sophie's arms (or right outside the door of the building she works at)#and sophie gives him an eye roll and a disappointed look for freaking his father out and interrupting her #(he has absolutely appeared when she was in a super important meeting)#this is all based on the assumption that elves don't have some kind of basic schooling before foxfire or other schools like it #when he appears back at their residence (their leapmaster floor has an open roof for teleportation)#keefe is standing there frantically ready to catch him #and their girl (im shit with names) is standing there giving him a look like “I thought you weren't scared of anything”#and he's just caught the kid and is trying to rock him to sleep cause teleporting is tiring for a 5 year old #but he humors her while walking down the hall to his bedroom #“who said i wasn't?” “i do” “why?”#“nobody who actually beat an ogre would be scared of their child teleporting away”#“you'd be surprised”#(she doesn't beleive he actually fought dimitar and thinks it's an elaborate inside joke between sophie him and queen ro)#so they keep going back and forth with him being vague about the details because while he did beat dimitar #he is absolutely exaggerating all the details #“keefe you can't tell our kids you punched dimitar and he immediately surrendered” “please” “no”#and then they get to his room on the second floor and he shushes her so he can place the sleeping boy in his bed #i have so many thoughts about future sokeefe actually

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niuxita21 · 2 months ago

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😭😭

#got tired of wishing someone would gif princess patt (aka the woman whose face card never declines)#so I decided to contribute with my own #shitty screencap posts (TM)#because this bit!!!!!#I know we're all here for anin and pin but this relationship is also v v important to me your honour #I love a good 'dna doesn't make a family love does' situation #(I know princess patt actually IS pin's aunt but you know what I mean)#and I love how you can tell how much she genuinely loves pin and that she really took it upon herself to raise her as her own #which shows in the fact that pin has become an amazing young woman (who has my dream job! you go girl!!!)#and idk man I'm emo :((((#also I was really hoping this scene would end in a hug because they don't seem to ever do it #so it just made me so happy all around #I would die in a battlefield for them #(but seriously CAN WE TALK about how beautiful princess patt is I want to claw my face off #ma'am... I am a weak lesbian please have some mercy)#the loyal pin

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ineed-to-sleep · 6 months ago

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Honestly I liked the silent hill 2 remake gameplay trailer and I think the game looks really good howEVER.... the decuntification of maria...............

#I can't get past it #WHY DID THEY DO THIS #don't make the clothing of the character that has a very important in-story reason to be sexy LESS sexy #where's the midriff??? the christina aguilera leopard print skirt??? and and also. her snappy remarks??????#where's the maria attitude????#istg if they changed maria's personality too I'm gonna spontaneously combust #I love maria so much she's my favorite character in sh2 and her voice actress did such an incredible and memorable job #it's gonna be hard for them to top that #I doubt any of the changes they make will make her “better” or a more interesting character #I'm just hoping it's not that many changes and I'm just getting a bad impression bc the game actually looks rlly good #and I'm kinda excited for it #but I'm *concerned* abt the character changes 🤨#sh2 #sleep.txt

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dykedvonte · 3 days ago

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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.

I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.

It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.

There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.

#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea #would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress #was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he #just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim #the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking #eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the #reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew #feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to #choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like #it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto #that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the #scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt #cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still #followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want #because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so #they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you #just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be #like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c #crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot #himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point #like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a #point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c #there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance #in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly #is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the #convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied #Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact #Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs #around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin #to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more

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akagamiko · 19 days ago

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Here are my political thoughts. I'm not putting it under a read more and I'm not tagging it!! I know a lot of people come here to give themselves a break from real world stuff but sometimes you gotta deal with it (like right now)

Or just scroll by/block if you want idgaf baby!!!

To those in the US: I hope you are okay, get resources for your mental health if needed. Be scared, be pissed off. Don't let anyone tell you your feelings aren't valid because anyone that is queer or disabled or a poc is in for an even bumpier ride than usual.

If you are able: I hope you are involved and engaged in your community because there is no getting progressives into the White House without getting them in at the local level first and that's where you can make the biggest changes. Volunteer with youth or a campaign you feel good about. The DSA have a lot of different chapters in different states if that's your jam.

Remember that progress takes time and does not happen overnight or even over a few years. It is slow as hell and I know that sucks, but we have to be in this for the long haul and for future generations.

The rest of the world: we fucked up for real (again). Sorry for the fallout your countries will inevitably face.

If you voted for Tr*mp: get off my blog before I shoot you with my laser eyes. I do NOT tolerate intolerance. I come from a rural community who are completely brainwashed and!! newsflash!! His 2017 legislation hurt farmers and his tariff plan on John Deere is gonna hurt you again!!!

If you don't "do" politics: well, politics is gonna do you, babydoll, so you might as well!

#this ain't a harris endorsement but if you voted for trump get the hell away from me #the dem party is so fucking stupid to run a campaign pandering to white centrists don't get me started #MY POINT IS #community is important!!#love is important!!#if leaving the country is what is best for you and you're financial able good for you i guess #I was born here and feel some twisted horrible need to stay here and try to fix it #the US is a world leader and we really have a domino affect that impacts the entire world whether you want to admit it or not #his last presidency caused a lot of far right nut jobs to come out of hiding around the world AND helped them take leadership positions #the US has been in a shitpile for ages #pick up a shovel for those who can't and help dig!!#voting matters!! climate change is real! vaccines save lives!!#we live in an age of disinformation and heavy apathy!!#don't let it win!!#he's gonna try to start taking rights away on DAY ONE!!#but at least the economy is going to get worse too #end my soapbox rant #actually last thing: STOP painting melania as some innocent gold digger who hates him #(i'm petty and still haven't forgiven her for renovating jackie kennedy's rose garden but there are tapes of her defending him)#she knows what she's doing and is okay with what he's doing and is not a victim just STOP #okay now i'm done for realsies this time

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sysig · 7 months ago

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Getting closer, getting really close now I swear (Patreon)

#Doodles #Just Desserts #Villainsona #True Villainy AU #Just ignore how many times I've said that up to this point lol - I'm serious this time!#I always feel so bad designing TVAU outfits because Charm is always so miserable as a model haha #Could this be a contributing factor as to why it's taken so long?? No I enjoy drawing her like that lol #Made some design notes about the important elements of what I want for her True Villain look - more than just ''Her but Kaiein influence''#I'd still really like a nod to dragon scales of some kind but honestly her classic design is more that #Always going on about her spider theming how to make it dragony! It's the one thing I'm still hung up on lol #As for the rest I think it's Really getting close :) I got to actually turn her little ''shawl'' - I always knew it was Kaiein-related -#Into something that properly mimics his shape! It's all controlled by her tho it's not a part of his body - just magic-infused matter #Made to look like him so there's still that creep factor but it's more her body than his - she can control its shape :D #And I got to keep the jewels! Yesss - made it a motif! Now it's also on her hips and knees to break up her visual space yes very good #It's drips :) Y'know - like ink :) Finally figured that one out lol good job setting up my own symbolism me #And then some elegant drapey bits to match her ''shawl'' and continue to break up her space!! Yes! Good!!#I still haven't decided on a colour palette I think black and white is too obvious and too Kaiein but hmmm - she has a lot of colours #Lots of options to pick from but which is the Correct one - her hair would stay pink so maybe some of her pinks or purples #I'll play with some digital swatches later :)#I'm also so glad I could implement the hood design from one of the scrapped outfits ah <3 I love her in a hood she's so cute #I'm rather pleased with the way the spider web design breaks up her form as well - it's more subdued than the full bottom/shoes stripes but #It's also not very clear here lol the long ones that all the way down to her feet are the third from the center ignore that second one #The second lines out from the center host her wings! Very important!#Kinda reminds me of my holosona in a way actually :0 They /are/ both Evil-aligned hmmmm #All the more reason to colour palette! Differentiate the colours in my head #Really do feel like I'm approaching it now fdjsklafd getting close now!!

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get-more-bald · 3 months ago

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the biggest thing about X6 is not that he doesn't think of himself as human (though he doesn't, and according to some it's correct) BUT that he doesn't see himself as a Person

#searching through the X6-88 tag on tumblr has not brought me joy #also. 1 thing about is that i hate hate hate the (i think) canon blue eyes he has. like. for fucking what #1st i saw them on tumblr and thought 'well thats stupid. whyd you give him blue eyes? so hed look special? thats weird. at least its uncanon #also. on god. i saw some post headcanoning the companions' appearances and it was p cool UNTIL they got to x6 #and they gave him grey 'almost white' eyes for literally no reason. like if you want to go with the scary factor theres so many ways for it #but no. some people think that blue/grey eyes are sooo special. and for what #<- i have brown eyes but im not just being salty. it really sucks. i dont wanna be the one to call fandom racism but it does smell like it!#also like. i didnt want to go on a stupid tirade about racism in the tags again but the way fandom treats x6 AND preston is just upsetting #other people have made some very good points about it and im not going to repeat them here (also noones gonna read this)#but like... theres 3 'main' black characters that i remember: preston garvey (whom the stron majority of the fandom hates/disliked)#x6-88 (basically the players slave? also hated for being mean and unfeeling (which is justified imo). no quest no freedom no nothing)#and gloria (who i havent met in game but ive heard some actual criticisms of (like. the way shes treated ingame) and noone else talks about)#if theres any other Named and Important characters. sorry but i literally do not remember them #coming back to x6 being justified in being unemotional/mean. he was literally raised this way. he doesnt consider himself to be a person #being he was made that way. he is a Thing and hes meant for one job and hes made to inspire fear #and hes not supposed to have emotions so he just. doesnt. if he does he cant express them anyways #1 if fallout4 was a better written game (or 2 if x6 was white) i think thered be SO much fanfiction about him. the possibilities are endless #i have something brewing in the back of my head. i might start writing even though i suck and its going to be bad #ANYWAYS. general fandom thought on x6 are WRONG and im being a HATER. fuck everyone who doesn't like x6. if you dont like x6 get off tumblr #especially if you like gage but not x6. leave fr #i just woke up wtf am i doingggg

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lilcathsmith · 5 months ago

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Greg in every episode of CSI (87/328) • Down The Drain •

#csi #greg sanders #nick stokes #sara sidle #warrick brown #gil grissom #catherine willows #csi s5 #csi 5x02 #there he is! my favourite white boy!#own post #mine: every episode #ok time to talk about Greg and Sara #i love them. not only are they my favourite duo in the whole show I have to argue that s5 is one of their best seasons for their friendship #Greg's crush on Sara is out of the way which leaves so much space for their platonic relationship to grow. their flirting/teasing is #so playful and completely lowstakes. Greg isn't trying to win over Sara anymore they're just having a good time and banter-ing #in episode 14 (i think?) after Sara gets suspended and Greg asks what happened she says she doesnt want to talk about it #and greg says hes a good listener Sara explains (briefly) and then they just move on is so wholesome its such an under-rated moment for the #and when he's like “Sara's been suspended? we have to help” is just so ultimate ride or die bestie #but what I think it most important is that whilst Grissom/Cath teach Greg how to actually BE a CSI and how to do the job Sara teaches him #how to DEAL with the job. like in this ep with Gregs first autopsy Sara asks how he found it and you just know that if Greg was more freake #by it she would allow him to say that without just being like “thats the job get on with it” which maybe some of the others would? and that #why I think Greg still has such a heart to the job. flash forward to s15 when the girl attacks Greg because shes been drugged and he gets S #SAD because he felt bad about not being able to help and calm her down I feel like thats bc of Sara :“)#anyway long stort short Greg and Sara are the best platonic pairing in CSI and i love them

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deus-ex-mona · 8 months ago

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series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:

#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨#and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate #so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah.#thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou #i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh #compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol #i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help—#so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig #my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa #i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control…#b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you #tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao #so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol #but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato)#so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though #either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane #i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date…#at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration…#…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig.#oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far…#i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience.#help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m.#anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee

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princessmyriad · 2 months ago

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#personal #please this is the fourth appointment ive had just to try and get the fucking doctor to sign my stupid form properly #please give ya girl tips. i cant walk away without my papers today this has gone on so long #too long!!!! please please anyone give me tips on how to make the fucking stupid doctor just write some words on a fucking piece of paper #please #literally all she has to do is write the words already written in my other dx boxes onto another piece of paper for me #why is it so fucking hard for her. dont doctors have to go to school for a long time why cant this one read and write???!#internet please im begging you here if you know the exact right things to say to make it happen please tell me!!#or i might start screaming at this idiot woman its been one of those days/weeks. i dont want to be the one yelling at the doctors office #i just want my fucking papers in order. which since ive got the last decade of paper trail already organized #SHOULDNT BE THIS FUCKING HARD SHOULDNT TAKE THIS LONG OR THIS MANY APPOINTMENTS FUCK #im already so mad and i havent even got dressed yet 😒 idk if thats better than the mute medical alter #is pissiness better than silence? does it work better on the self appointed smartest people who wont fucking listen?#self appointed self entitled self centered. doctor doctor im dealing with genuine medical issues that effect my everyday fucking life #i actually dont have time or patience or energy to make sure you still feel smart and big and important #just do your fucking job. write whats already written on a new piece of paper and we can both go about our lives WHY #ARE YOU MAKING THIS SO HARD THERE IS NO REASON

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artsandstoriesandstuff · 5 months ago

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I have some more ideas for Killing Machine!

#For her motivation I’m currently thinking she does her assassin job as revenge #at least one member of her family was killed directly or indirectly from a robot company #and so she seeks to kill out not only higher ups of said company but to also kill the robots to prevent more people from dying #she sees this as justified but even then she has no idea about the robots themselves… until she becomes one herself of course #what they did specifically? I’m not sure #right now I’m thinking they mandated a certain brain chip which ended up causing dangerous side effects #again. Not sure what the brain chip does.#BUT one of the major symptoms is a faulty eye which appears in robots too #So what looks to just be a mechanical error in Walter is actually a major plot point #Speaking of walter #I’m thinking he comes off as an initially silly guy but is also very important to the story #What that role is I don’t know yet #For now I’m thinking he used to be an assassin too… but realized the error of his ways BEFORE getting turned into a robot #He’s also the aforementioned guy who was in love with Killing Machine #But I think he also recognizes the path that she is going down/has gone down and wants to help her change from thay #Of course KM is stubborn and insists on killing even as a robot #In fact #shes convinced she’ll blend in better (much to Walter’s shagrin)#What do you guys think so far! Comment!!! :)#Also I think I WILL start calling her KM. It’s catchy.#killingmachineseries #new story idea #new series #original series #series development

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decidentia · 1 year ago

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Just a note to say thanks for bearing with me. ♡

#this has turned into more of a hiatus than i expected #i've not been putting pressure on myself to be here #so i've just been peeking occasionally #on the other side of the screen things have been a mix of good and bad #i've been settling into my new job #throwing myself into renovations #doing all the prep for christmas #attending my pottery class #minding my neighbour's cat while she's away #trying to get into the habit of using my art tablet #( when i git gud i'll share something and maybe start drawing our blorbos )#also just trying to be more ' present ' in the everyday #tw for medical and terminal illness but my uncle was recently diagnosed with multiple system atrophy #we thought it was parkinson's ( which is what took his father ) but it's actually so much worse than that #he was an avid cyclist just a few years ago and working as an aerospace engineer #now he's in a wheelchair and recently broke his hip for the third time #there's not much i can do but i want to be there for my family as much as i can #so thank you for your patience #rest assured i adore writing and roleplay is a very important part of my life #it is my main creative outlet and i value the friendships that spring from it #i hope to get the wheels turning again in the next couple of weeks #i'll be spring-cleaning behind the scenes #you are always welcome to reach out if you want to check the status of anything but just be aware i'll be slower than usual to reply #i hope life has been treating you all kindly – sending you my love ♡#◈ — ooc; saddest little baby in the room

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tardis--dreams · 3 months ago

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I actually realized i hate work. Won't be putting any effort into this anymore ♡

#sure whatever #it's funny because when i applied there i really really wanted this job #and it had nothing to do with that one person i got a little overly attached to #and when i started working there it was fine but i think really the only reason i liked it was because of that colleague #and now he's gone there's only annoying things left #also maybe i got too cuddled by him because he's always had my back until now #but i have to try to get things from the design team now and they just straight up ignore me lmao #like. my colleague asked me last week if i could ask them to edit some images which i did and they ignored me for 2 days #then HE sent them a follow up message and surprise surprise the images were there within 30 minutes #now again. he asked me to request some images and then built them into the journal #i request them. i hear nothing back. i send a follow up saying it's kinda important. i get nothing #oh well sorry man. guess you'll have to do that yourself after all (:#(i think it's really nice he's trying to give me so much more responsibility and all but if he's not there to back me up #it's literally not working because Everyone Is Ignoring Me :)))#also two weeks from now I'll be alone in our office because my other colleague who's in the same office as us #has announced she's gonna go share the office with someone else because she's gonna be alone otherwise #lol thanks #also some other shit someone posted in the group chat today which really pissed me off #AND the fact i got ignored AGAIN when i asked for work :) like bitches. i literally just watched netflix on my private laptop #while wiggling the mouse on my work laptop until i got off lmao #i won't go to the office tomorrow either #i was gonna go but i can't do shit there if i get ignored again #at least at home i can do whatever i want when they decide i should just get money for wasting my time ♡#i might actually just not work tomorrow #I'll probably log in just to see if there's any updates on the images situation but if not I'll fuck right off #fun times #(also maybe just maybe I'm generally a little negative these days. that may play into it. I'm sensing that sweet summertime blues ♡#((who cares if it's because of my father's death or because of my colleague's going away or because of general existential despair due to #university.... i'm just annoyed) )#void screams

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raksh-writes · 1 year ago

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Maybe this doesn’t need to be said, but Im feeling awful about it, so -- to any mutuals that might notice Im not following them anymore, I'm sorry about that. I've just seen too many posts on my dash that I have no way of blocking because they're not tagged in any way and they're distressing enough it's turning one of the only places I considered a safe space not safe for me anymore. So for my own mental health, I had to unfollow. I Will refollow in the future and I still love y'all, but I just-- I can’t. Ive been noticing some very worrying stuff about my mental and emotional state and it's just too much currently. I hope it's at least an understandable decision, and I wish y'all are having a good day out there 💗

#personal #I know its important to keep up with current events #but life overall's been a bit too much for me lately #I should prob go back to my therapist #I haven’t seen her since I went back to uni #for one because I didn’t know my schedule when we last meet and we both thought this should balance me #finally having purpose again and doing what I actually enjoy #but I also don’t have a job now so its costs and... I don’t know #but I probably should now that Im thinking maybe its time to actually get medicated for real #tho first maybe I should just visit my family doc and ask for those vit d supplements my therapists talked about #see if thats gonna be enough #autumn (and winter) has always been an awful time for me in terms of mental and emotional health #but it feels even worse these days #like Im battling against depression every day recently and rarely anything works to distract me #which is why its been hard to get back to peels in dms and such too #I was meant to meet with a friend now that Im studying in a city she lives in but I have yet to get back to her #and it feels like I have not only Zero but like Negative energy and motivation #+ Ive been dealing with an upset stomach for Weeks now #no matter what I eat it feels weird and achy and barely anything tastes good for me already so now its even worse #anyway this turned into such a rant Im sorry #I just didn’t want the lovely peeps Ive been mutuals with for a long time to think I stopped liking them or smth #its just certain untagged posts that I would otherwise block if I could #and I dont wanna impose onto anyone like a 'rule' to tag them or whatever #so yeah this is just temporary #hopefully at some point I get better enough to survive the couple distressing posts heh...

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born-to-lose · 3 months ago

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I love being the always single person in my family, mad respect to my sister for constantly dating guys for the last 8 years, I would have shot myself

#whenever my mom asks if i have love news of my own while we're talking about my sister's newest catch and i say no #i hope she doesn't feel pity because like. this is the life that i choose. my sister's ex boyfriends were enough for ME even #and i only met a handful of them personally but heard more than enough shit about them #i just always think i'm only flirting with some guys only to never talk to them again or ghost them because it's fun #fat girl who's always been seen as ugly by other people gets to flirt with good looking people is the ultimate ego boost arc #if i ever date anyone seriously again it better be true love and end in kids and marriage until death or i'll live as a hermit #until that happens tho...... life is a party i don't wanna miss a thing break some men's heart get revenge yolo etc etc #also the thought of actively dating freaks me out. if i meet someone and we tolerate each other long term that's good #but dating apps or going on dates with several people and deciding who's the best like on the bachelorette?? death first #plus i lowkey don't like men as a concept. at least the type i've dated. i guess you could say my last ex traumatized me hahaha 👍🏻 (🔨🔨)#i think i'm too young to be in a committed relationship anyway. or even to seek getting into one. there are much more important things rn #i know former classmates my age are having kids or getting married but idgaf the one who got engaged last year has been with him for 7 year #which is a decent time tbh you change quite a bit during that time and if it feels right why not #but i can't wrap my head around searching for a relationship when you don't even have a stable job and know what else you want in life #rambling again sorryyyy but yeah proud single here and i'm not saying this out of spite because i genuinely enjoy it #all relationships i've been in were so draining (tbf they were long distance too) and got me at rock bottom and had me filled with regret #also these men can be so controlling and jealous when you just wanna go out with friends while they do whatever they want too #but when you say you don't want a jealous partner they think that's a free pass for them to cheat like what the actual fuck #do you see the difference between being unnecessarily jealous when you hang out with friends and being rightfully jealous when they cheat??#at this point idk what to say. i'm very entertained by my friends' dating journeys but that couldn't be me #all the gossip i provide for them is which people i flirted with for the ego and who i ghosted and who ghosted me #mel talks

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 4 months ago

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hang on are cougars like panthers

#'the cougar also known as the panther' SCREAM #dont mind me rewatching carmilla as a side effect of my newfound interest in vampires #you'd think it was renewed interest in vampires but no #i actually have never been all that interested in vampires as their own thing i was just gay #and i dont think carmilla really explored the concept itself #like A* in using the medium. D or whatever in exploring their subject matter #actually tbf their subject matter was lesbianism so. again probably an A. they knew what they wanted and they did it well #idk how letter grades work tbh #also not actually sure how much they got into the vampire thing which is why im rewatching to check #bc i was reading iwtv and i was like damn carmilla left stuff on the table #but i also think a lot went over my head #even just english wise im a little stunned at how much i didnt catch. like i was fluent in 2015 for sure but. you do keep learning words #also carmilla is like a popculture remix and i dont have a lot of popculture knowledge so a lot of that went over my head too #now i have just enough to know that im missing a lot #like theres a line in s1 where laura goes 'im living with a vampire. an honest to lestat vampire' and like. never caught that #bc i didnt know how the fuck that was fhkjghgh #but anyway im watching s2 and laura's like 'vampire seductress here is just crabby bc im not falling for her 17th century idea of game'#and like they keep calling armand Ancient right? but carmilla is not much younger #just the difference in framing is what made me start thinking abt it all #like carmilla is 400smth and laura is aware abt that to joke abt it and probably thinks it's a little hot but then you think abt how they #depict that kinda age with armand like what he says to madeleine. 'how do you go on when everything from your era is gone'#and sure carmilla has that loneliness but DAMN. like fuck. shes been doing this same trick. being like the abigail hobbs to the dean for #centuries? i mean there was that century or idk how long where she was buried alive or whatever. but THAT TOO #like damn fuck!!!!!!!!!! ive been going through the fanfic again this week and like there really isnt much #at least doesnt seem to be much that explores this. unless it's in all the aus bc i filtered those out (and still got them)#also interesting difference is if i remember correctly the hollstein happy ending is that carmilla becomes human #in iwtv of course like every important relationship is between vampires. and every lover turns vampire. and every vampire is a lover #sorta. bc abuse themes and stuff. so the inversion makes sense but wouldnt it have been kinda cool if she turned laura tho #anyway. can you believe they were like 'well shes a cougar thats her job and also her supernatural power' dhfkhjgkh as i said: A*

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