#( just did this for one of my own carrds so i thought why not make a tutorial if anyone else is interested in this )

[poohsources]

🐝  *  ―  𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗥𝗗 𝗧𝗨𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗜𝗔𝗟: 𝗠𝗨𝗦𝗜𝗖 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗬𝗘𝗥𝗦 important note: only works if you have a pro or a pro plus account, and can use the 'embed' element.

―  STEP ONE:  PREPARING YOUR MUSIC

if you want to have music play on your carrd, the most important thing is, of course, the music. just make sure you have whatever song you want to have played in your files, and if you don't already have it, make sure to download it. now, the next step is to share your file so you'll get a direct file link you can later use in your music player code. personally i'm gonna be using and explaining the dropbox method for this, but there are other ways to do it as well. upload the music file to your dropbox ( either directly or to a special folder, whatever you prefer ) and then click the share button. then create link and copy link and you'll end up with a link that should look something like this: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/j904wa1i2e229tdfa4rkb/ok-3.gif?rlkey=jy7822s2rrgaszj3jduggxn9k&dl=0 to create a direct download link out of this one, take out the 'www' and instead replace it with 'dl' so you'll have something like this: https://dl.dropbox.com/scl/fi/j904wa1i2e229tdfa4rkb/ok-3.gif?rlkey=jy7822s2rrgaszj3jduggxn9k&dl=0 save this link somewhere or keep it handy because we're gonna need it again a little later once we actually start working on the carrd.

―  STEP TWO:  GET THE MUSIC PLAYER ON YOUR CARRD

for the next step, we're gonna be looking at different music player codes. there are a wide variety of ready-to-use ones already available ( for example here ) or if you are good at coding, you can always create your own as well. whatever you prefer and feel more comfortable with. once you've found something you like, copy the code because it's finally time to actually put it all on your carrd. if you have multiple sections and want your music to be played in all of them, either use a header or a footer and if you only want it in one, put it in the one you want to use for this. click on the little '+' to add an embed element to your carrd ( it's the one with this symbol: '</>' ). scroll down to the 'code' section and paste the code of the music player you've previously copied there. next thing you need to do to make sure it plays the song you want is to locate the '<audio id="audio" src="link here"audio"></audio>' and replace the link with the direct file link of your music. to see if you've been successful, you either need to publish your site or save it as a template ( in case you aren't ready to publish it yet but still wanna check if everything worked as planned ) and it should display the music player and play your music once clicked.

―  STEP THREE:  CUSTOMIZE IT ( optional )

the last, and optional, thing you can do is customize it to your preferences. this is best done if you have a little knowledge and understanding of html coding, but minor things like changing colors can totally be done without it. for example, if you want to change colors just locate those within the code ( titled 'color' or 'background-color' and they should have a hexcode number right beside it ) and change the hexcode to whatever you want to use. or if it includes text, you can change the font size ( aptly titled 'font-size' ). you can just play around with different settings to see if you'll get something you like ― most of it within the '<style></style>' section of the code is pretty self-explanatory.

[sardonic-the-writer]

𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

↳ notes: happy birthday to me! when this posts i'll officially be older, and celebrating by being cringe (writing this). i also love that picture of misha. it's him at my birthday party for real. he told me himself (lying)

↳ warnings: none!

↳ song: rock your body—justin timberlake

masterlist | commissions | carrd

• Special occasions like this are few and far between

• The Winchester family hadn't had a proper birthday in decades. While Dean clung to memories of gas station twinkies in replacement of a birthday cake, Sam remembered most of his birthdays with a sort of sad animosity. Up until walking out on his dad for Stanford and spending his birthday that year with Jessica, he hadn't had a single enjoyable birthday party. Maybe that was part of the reason he refused to let you feel the same way about your own birthday—even if none of you were kids anymore

• Worst case scenario, the world is ending again and you all have little time for delicacies. If that's the case, you'd get a quick pat on the shoulder from Dean, one excited bear hug from Sam, and very confused Cas wishing you the best of births before being told to continue packing the shotguns with salt rounds

• "With age comes responsibility, so keep loading those guns. Spider-Man said that."

• "For someone that watches so much trash tv, you know so little about media, Dean." You snorted at your friend, fingers nimmbly crushing salt into a line of rigid red shells before moving onto the next group

• "Shut up before I decide to give you your birthday noogies." He pointed a finger at you from across the room with a single raised eyebrow. Off to the side you saw Cas ask Dean what birthday noogies were not-so-quietly, and you struggled to hold back a laugh

• Even in the worst situations, they could always manage to make you smile

• Best case scenario, however, it's a free day. Nothing to do, no devils to fight, no ghouls to stop—nothing. Just you, the guys, and time on your hands that you all normally never have. So what better way to utilize it than with a little surprise party?

• Sam would be the most into the whole birthday party shtick. He'd insist that it was the least they could do for you after all the years on the hunt together, and even got Dean to budge after a few minutes of petty debating

• "It's stupid and cheesy, Sammy. We're grown adults. We've fought the devil beforr for christ's sake." Dean gave his brother the stink eye from his spot in the drivers seat. Groceries stores and Mom & Pop stores passed them by as they ventured into the nearest town, but neither of them paid attention to their blurred surroundings

• "Come on Dean." Sam twisted his torso and turned to face him fully. "Don't tell me you don't remember the look on their face last month when we brought them back a souvenir from our hunting trip in Alabama. You would have thought we brought them a new car. Besides, this is the one chance we've had in a while to actually celebrate something." Sam's eyebrows tilted up as he recalled the memory, shooting a knowing look at Dean's side-profile

• "So what? I say we just tell them happy birthday like a regular person and call it a day." Dean grumbled

• "Is that why you're driving in the nearest direction of the bakery here?"

• Dean didn't respond

• "That's what I thought."

• "Shut your pie-hole or I'm kicking you to the curb."

• Once the boys get back to whatever new place you all are holed up for that week, a couple of crinkled bags in hand, they call on Cas to help out with setting up whatever decorations Sam had forced Dean to throw in the cart

• Cas didn't take nearly as much convincing to partake in the setting up of festivities, but he certainly did need a lot of it explained

• "I thought angels were familiar with the concept of birthdays?" Dean asked at one point while watching Sam pull part of a cake out of the oven. His hand was slapped away when he went to grab at it, and he glared at his younger brother momentarily

• "We are." Castiel's gruff answer came shortly. "But we stopped keeping count after the first couple thousand years. And it was never done like—" He flicked the party hat atop his head curiously, "—this."

• "What did you guys do to celebrate?" Sam asked while popping the lid to a can of store bough frosting open

• "Pray."

• "Naturally." Dean rolled his eyes sarcastically. A blanket of silence fell over the room after that as Sam set out to frost the first part of the cake. Then—

• "Hey. How come none of you are wearing paper hats?"

• "Oh, trust me Cas. It'll mean a lot more to them if you were the one wearing it." Dean's grin was borderline evil as he looked at the angel

• It's safe to say that you laughed the hardest you had in a while once seeing Cas looking so hesitant in a mini cone hat

• Overall, it's the best birthday— the best day —that you've had in a long time

• You didn't need much, and as a hunter you'd come to expect almost nothing. But knowing that your friends— the short tempered, college dropout, otherworldly friends that they were —took it upon themselves to set all this up for you was the emotional equivalent to a punch in the gut. A lovely emotional punch in the gut

• "If you start crying, I'll leave." Dean snapped at you when you eventuallyvoiced how much this meant to you. But the threat was empty, and you all knew it

• Sometime during the party, you had managed to wrestle a paper hat of his own onto his head, and how it sat on the side of his head like a crooked unicorn horn. Occasionally he'd reach for it as if to take it off, then lower his hand with a small smile

• "Shut the fuck up and give me a group hug, Dean." You grinned with teeth, gesturing at him to stand up

• "Wait, no, I take it back that's worse."

• "I will kill you, Winchester. I swear I'll do it."

• You ended up getting your group hug that day, even if it took Castiel trapping Dean between you and him to get him to stand still

• "I hate it here." He griped with a groan. Sam could only laugh as be watched his brother struggle in Cas's iron grip, and said angel was smiling a bit to himself. You felt your heart swell; even if the look on Dean's face was downright murderous

• "Smile or I'm egging Baby on my birthday night." You said before setting the camera's timer and holding it up above you all

• "You wouldn't—"

• "Watch me."

• All four of you have your own copy of the photo from that night, kept in your seperate pockets and bedside table drawers. To this day you find yourself smiling when you look at it, and even if you'd never know it, so do they

[olderthannetfic]

Obvious Disclaimer that this is not about any specific anon in particular, not about OTNF themself, but that my following rant might *slightly* punch down on people who ARE, well, older than net fics are.

But my honest opinion is that I really don’t like it when us old heads tend to sorta…talk down to? “Adultsplain”, if that’s even a thing? To The Gen Zs, by being like “damn kids! back in my day we never used our real name or posted selfies or posted about our personal life at all!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of those people who never posted the real me — but not because I was anonymous and cared about online safety, because I was a liar 😂 That being said, there ARE older people who definitely over-shared or “doxxed” themselves and still do, and there’s younger people who don’t!

I also feel like being “ha, these stupid KIDS who post about their FANDOM LIFE on TIK TOCK under their REAL NAME AND FACE where IRLS CAN SEE THEM, how STUPID” is not doing anyone any favors. Is that, technically, a smart thing for kids to do? No. Has it become normalized? Yes. And does that suck for people who might be bullied or outed or whatever cuz they genuinely are dumb and don’t know better and then someone they don’t like sees their stuff? Yes.

We all talk about how there’s no more kids spaces on the internet and how that’s a shame, but then five seconds later we’ll reblog that one “At any time I’m at risk of seeing a 14 year olds opinion and that’s why I hate it here” post. There’s really so few kid spaces on the net now, that’s true. We should extend empathy and let the teens be obnoxious and pretentious in peace, rather than making it a point to “ratio” or “roast them.” Idk personally I’d be completely unbothered if some 14 year old insulted my fic or my ship or whatever. I’d just block and move on, no need to try to argue with them.

And also, not all kids are even pretentious or obnoxious! I’m not saying we all need to take the kids under our wings, but we should be careful about not hating them just for being in their teens years, you know?

Also… telling a teenager to not post PII or not get into discourse or not have social media or whatever will NOT work the way you want it to 😭 kids are by default a little bit oppositionally defiant so telling some rando teen to Get Off Your Lawn (blog) rather than just blocking them, will encourage said teen to Stay On Your Lawn.

I just hate how it’s become normal for adults to talk down to teens online. I was harassed by adults online as a kid, then years and years and years later i went through my own “Older Than You™️”phase where I myself was a shit to teenagers, and I truly regret that so much. To this day I still need to make an effort to be careful. I saw on Twitter where an adult posted a DM from a 13 year old, mocking them. The DM said “I’m 14 next year, can I follow you? Please don’t groom me.” And the adult OP was laughing at how stupid the dm was. A few years ago, I would’ve been one of the people retweeting that and rolling my eyes at the child. Now im disgusted by the people who WERE laughing at them.

And again I’m obviously not saying we should be “nice” to the teenagers who mock us for our ships or who virtue signal too hard. But we also don’t need to make fun of their CARRDS or call them Puri-teens or rag on them just for being 17 or younger, yk?

--

Teens aren't 'puriteens' just for being young, dude. They have to also be puritanical bullies.

I find the stuff about real names hilarious because, actually, if you're really Internet Old™, then you probably did use your real name... it was right there in your university e-mail address! Or your random early ISP address if your stepdad got it for you and thought the university format was the default. Thanks, stepdad.

I've done every single dumb thing from going to meet my internet pen pal at an Alice Cooper concert to flying to Ireland from Japan to stay with a fandom friend I'd never met without telling anyone where I was going and without a credit card or enough cash to flee if I had to. I remember sitting on the plane thinking "Man, this is such a CSI episode topic".

The really funny part was that despite what she'd said before I visited, we ran into each of her parents at different times and ended up going to a play courtesy of her uncle, and all of them were like "So how do you know each other?" and "But you'd met before, right? RIGHT?!"

The level of panopticon is horrifying now. Teens have my sympathy. That part really is worse, and I think it's driving an entire generation nuts and we're going to see even more shit about people wanting to run away and live in a cabin in the woods with no internet. But in general, I don't think we're so different.

[tommydarlings]

Do you really wanna be in love? | m.s

pairing: dark!mick x wolff!reader

warnings: dark, mentions of stalking, manipulation, choking, grooming, brief mention of holding somebody hostage

w/c: 2k

summary: Mick Schumacher was known for being shy and sweet and just simply the kindest soul on earth, but you don’t think that that‘s true, and one scary night…he proves you how right you were.

check this out: my masterlist <3 // my ko-fi to support me! <3 // my PayPal to support me! <3 // my Patreon to become a member! (get access to +50 works) <3 // Save a Life carrd made by me! <3

song suggestion: Do you really wanna be in love by Frigga

The golden retriever kind of boy.

The most innocent man on the grid.

At least that’s what everybody calls him. Nick Schumacher, the son of a legend that changed the sport forever and is now trying to build his own name without his dad's past history.

Everybody adored him, but deep down you kind of had a…uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach every time the two of you cross paths.

It was not fear or something like that, it was almost like you were just feeling…uncomfortable around him but you don’t really know why. Or maybe you did but you just didn’t wanted to admit it to yourself.

Every time you see him in the paddock when you're standing next to your dad, toto wolff, he smiled at you, sometimes smirked at you or even winked at you, almost like he was flirting with you.

Sometimes the smile looked innocent but you were never really sure about that, something always told you that it was meant to be a 'not so innocent smile'.

“Everything okay, engel?” angel. Your dad asked you while standing next to you, gently putting his hand on top of your shoulder, lightly squeezing it before you removed your gaze from the blond German and looked up at your dad, gulping,

“Yeah,” you quickly answered as you caught mick looking at you again, but this time with a hint of darkness in his usually oh so bright eyes, making you quickly look at your dad again.

“You seem a bit off, are you sure? You know that you can talk with me about everything, right?”

You nodded, “Yeah, I know dad…don’t worry, nothing is bothering me.”

He slowly nodded before he slowly raised his head and looked directly at his reserve driver who was currently getting ready to get into the car and drive a few laps to get comfortable with the Mercedes. But mick's dark gaze was already gone, instead — he flashed your dad a pretty and innocent looking smile before he put his helmet on and got into the car.

“Mick is nice, y/n…you don’t have to worry about him, I bet the two of you get along just right, okay?” Your dad said to you before he left your side, letting you alone with your chaotic thoughts about the young German.

- - -

You were confused.

Usually, after your dad is done for the day with all his important work stuff, he drops you off at home — but this time, you couldn’t find your dad anywhere anymore.

“Hey Gregory!” You approached one of the engineers with a frown on your face, “Have you seen my dad?”

He briefly furrowed his brows before he spoke up, “He left like fifteen minutes ago, y/n…said he needed to take care of something very Important,” he answered before another all to familiar voice made you turn your head,

“Hey y/n! Your dad said that I should take you home…I mean, only if that’s okay for you of course,” mick quickly said with a kind smile painted on his clean face, making you gulp, but you didn’t wanted to be impolite, so you answered with a smile,

“Y-Yeah, alright — no problem for me,” you said as you licked your lips and quickly said your goodbye to Gregory, walking with the blond German to his Mercedes now.

You mumbled a tiny thank you as he opened the car door for you, quickly putting your seatbelt on before mick took off at quite a fast pace and quickly drove through the busy streets of Austria.

“Oh!” You suddenly spoke up, “you don’t even know where I live! I just quickly type it-”

But you were suprised as you saw your address in his navigator, even listed as the first one, almost like he visited it before or thought about visiting it before.

Mick noticed your sudden silence and quickly turned his head to look at the big device in his car, quietly gulping before he spoke up in a loud tone,

“Oh no, yeah! I just already got that saved here on my navigator because I knew that I probably had to drive you home tonight, you know? Like, your dad already told me…so I just typed your address in it earlier,” Mick told you but you were still in a bit of shock but didn’t say anything else, you just sat there and basically 'accepted' it, desperately trying to ignore the fact that you feel a bit uncomfortable next to him now.

You licked your lips and stared straight ahead at the road, tightly grabbing your phone as you caught him briefly looking at your from time to time, making you tremble a bit.

- - -

“And here we are,” mick said with a tiny smile as he arrived in front of your house, slowly parking the door in front of your front door before he quickly removed his seatbelt and went over to your side, opening the door for you like a neat gentleman, making you frown a bit.

“Thanks,” you mumbled with a tiny smile, slowly starting to think that maybe…your intuition was really wrong all along, maybe he’s really just nice and sweet to you, maybe you were wrong for accusing him to be a dark and sick psychopath, maybe he really is the golden retriever boy that everyone makes him out to be.

“Y/n?” He suddenly spoke up as you already slowly opened your front door, smiling at him now as he shyly smiled at you,

“Yes?”

“Could I just quickly use your toilet?” Mick asked you kindly, making you nod,

“Thank you!” He quickly mumbled before he went past you and entered your house. You immediately showed him the way to the toilet before you went to the kitchen, filling one of your glasses with water since you almost haven’t drank anything today.

Suddenly, you heard a loud but unknown noise coming from the toilet — in a slow manner, you made your way towards the toilet, furrowing your brows as you noticed that the door is shut but not locked.

You cleared your throat, “Mick? Everything okay?” You asked nervously but after multiple seconds, you still got no answer, making it all even more confusing for you.

“Mick?” You spoke up again, “Are you okay in-”

All of a sudden somebody covered your mouth, a big hand cutting your question off as you tried to scream but the hand almost forced you to swallow your screams and whines.

“Shhh, sei leise, komm schon!” Shhh, be quiet, c‘mon! Mick spoke up from behind you, making you gulp before you desperately tried to bite his palm, hoping it may make him remove his hand but it didn’t help, mick only groaned before he swiftly put his other hand around your throat, lightly squeezing it, making you gasp as he stole the air from your lungs.

Then you felt him pulling your body towards his, your back pressing against his chest now as he turned his head and ran his lips along your ear, covering your skin in goosebumps,

“Don’t be scared, mein schatz,” my darling.

“D-Don’t hurt me! P-Please don’t h-hurt me, mick!” You begged in a loud but whiny tone, making mick gulp as you felt him slightly rubbing his big erection against your ass, making you gasp as tears covered your cheeks.

He cleared his throat and briefly closed his eyes, desperately trying to fight every single urge right now to not bend you over the kitchen counter and fuck you so hard until your can’t move an inch anymore, “I won’t hurt you as long as you follow my orders, you understand?”

You sniffled and choked on some of your tears that mick tried to wipe away as gentle as he could before you nodded,

“I knew i-it,” you whispered to yourself but the German heard it,

“What did you just say?” He tilted his head to the side, slightly adjusting his hand around your throat to let you speak up a bit more,

“I knew t-that you were t-trouble,” you mumbled nervously as tears glided down your temple, “Oh did you?” The young Schumacher asked you teasingly as he kissed the tears on your temples away, making you shudder each time his lips touch your heated skin.

You nodded again, “Y-Yes, you always l-looked over to me but n-not in a normal o-or kind way, more like a…stalker kind o-of way,” you sniffled again before you continued, “like you w-were trying to observe e-every single thing I was doing.”

You felt mick smiling against your temple, “I knew the little Wolff would be smart, good job baby,” he said before you surprisingly went on,

“A-And today was n-no different,” you gulped as you suddenly felt him gently licking one of your tears away, making you gasp, “You knew where I-I was living, y-you knew it! And not because o-of my dad!”

“Oh your pretty little daddy dear, what he would say if he would see the two of us so close to each other right now,” mick interrupted you but you only ignored him, continuing,

“You watched m-me in the garage, y-you brought me home a-and acted all of a sudden s-so different as soon as I-I mentioned the thing w-with the address! And then y-you’ve asked me to u-use the toilet, b-but you didn’t even u-used it! You’ve just s-said that go get into my h-house, you sick f-”

But mick quickly slapped his hand over your mouth again, shutting you up as he kissed your temple a couple of times, hand squeezing your throat now harder again, making you in a quick motion put both of your palms onto his wrist.

“It’s okay, like I said…I would never hurt you if you obey me,” he stated with a smile against your wet cheek, briefly giving it a long kiss before he leaned his cheek onto your yours, cock still rubbing against you from behind.

Suddenly, the little radio in the corner of your kitchen played some slow song you’ve heard before, but you couldn’t remember the name anymore.

Mick's ears peaked up as he heard the slow, sexual music coming from your radio, arms now hugging your waist, pressing you tightly towards his strong body, caging you in his embrace as tears continued running down your warm cheeks that were touched by his soft lips.

His fingertips stroked your shaking skin as he noticed your fearful expression on your face, but that didn’t stop him from asking you a specific kind of question,

“Dance with me, baby — c'mon,” the German asked you in a rather kind and sweet tone before he swayed his hips from side to side, touching yours in the process and making you slightly jump before you joined it, moving to the slow and lustful — also very intimidating — song with him.

To people that would have watched you and wouldn’t have been able to see your face, it definitely would have looked like two lovers, who are unconditionally, deeply and wholeheartedly in love with each other, dancing around the kitchen as sexual tension slowly arises, making both of you grind onto each other.

In the last minute of the song, mick started to whisper some of the lyrics into your ear, making you gasp and sniffle as you heard his voice whispering those words,

“Oh baby, tell me you need me, that you can’t stand it no more,” he sang quietly into your ear from behind, lips gliding along the skin of it, there and there sometimes leaving very gentle and soft kisses before he went on singing to you while 'dancing with you'.

You only shuddered as you heard his words, not believing that they actually fit the current sick situation so much, “Oh baby, tell me you love me and no it took two to break us down,” mick whispered as you swayed trough the room, his erection still grinding against your ass.

“Now you goin and won’t be found,” he whispered the last three words in an even deeper tone into your ear while dancing around with you in his arms, leaning his head against yours before he kissed some of the tears on your cheeks away, smiling while doing so.

[sleepy-shutin]

I'm curious if anyone else has noticed this so I'm just gonna ask it here-

Does anyone else see systems who have the syshost thing on their rentry or carrd and then none of their other alters are ever present? Or ever even speak about being a system ever? Like their system is an accessory to them?

I see it a lot in spaces that are more focused on anime but they're in spaces with more LGBTQ people and just kind of- people who have this weird entitlement because they're mentally ill.

Obviously I'm not going to dictate how people operate their own systems because that's none of my business but it comes off as really weird and I'm curious to others' thoughts about it.

i mean, not every space has to be about DID and just because you mention you have DID at some point somewhere doesn't mean you need to talk about it or that anyone is entitled to any information about how it presents itself in you.

i mention i have DID to some friends or in some servers once or twice but never mention who's fronting or which alters are which because those friends don't need to know or they're not close enough for me to want to say that, or those spaces aren't about DID and i don't want to make it one when it doesn't have to be.

like, plenty of my alters are present all the time but i don't announce it to every space i'm in. i don't announce every switch because i don't need to.

my question is why do you feel the need to know things about other people's DID just because they mention they have it? what makes you think they haven't switched or that other alters aren't present just because they don't feel like talking about it?

[desdecourse]

breaking down the "Debunking Sysmeds" carrd (just for kicks 😍) part 2!!

here is the carrd linked again from part 1: this carrd

to reiterate from the first post, i will be referring to the person who made the carrd as the "creator" for simplicity's sake and using they/them as i do not know their pronouns (pls let me know if you do know what pronouns i should be using!)

----------

THE "CLAIMS AND REBUTTALS" (continued)

the fourth point is quite hefty!! so let's get into why the creator's rebuttal of "You're not Endogenic, you just have repressed trauma" is utterly laced with fallacies.

rather than actually rebutting this idea, the creator instead refers to this as "gaslighting" and insists that it would trigger people who don't know they have trauma into unpacking their trauma when they aren't ready. i don't necessarily think this is false, in fact, i definitely agree people should address their trauma when they're ready. however, this point is literally saying that all people who are systems have trauma, whether known or unknown (thus making them traumagenic), and instead of rebutting this, the creator just calls those who say this "gaslighters" and attempts to establish a moral high ground. it's a strawman - no one is saying that learning of your trauma when you aren't in the right headspace is a good thing, they are saying that trauma is ultimately what creates systems. should the creator wish to rebut this claim, they should focus on the trauma aspect rather than moralizing the claim.

the creator also highlights their experiences with traumatic memories they weren't ready for and pseudomemories they now experience as a potentially dangerous outcome of this claim. should this prove to be common, this is still cause for concern! people with no mental illness do not develop pseudomemories of extreme trauma, and those with extreme trauma still must be concerned about it, regardless of if they are a system or not. both of these are things that need to be addressed.

----------

their fifth point to rebut is the statement "You're not a system, you're just RP-ing/Daydreaming". i'm not going to share my thoughts on this one because i need to develop them more succinctly and i believe they deserve their own post, but i welcome analysis of that section if anyone has any!

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the sixth point rebutted is the idea that "DID is rare, it only affects 1% of the population." i agree with the creator that this is inaccurate, as does a majority of the system community! i don't see how it affects the validity of endogenic systems, as endogenic systems aren't DID systems.

---------

this seventh point is just absolutely drenched in some crazy phrases that i am SO excited to unpack, and it is related to the creator combatting the idea that "You are ableist if you use the label Endogenic, and you are appropriating a trauma disorder."

the creator once again brings up the idea that systems are "dissociative disorders, not trauma disorders," which, as previously established, are one in the same. they use this statement to argue that that part of the claim is wrong, i guess?? so strike one there. a direct quote from this section is "people are not inherently ableist for simply just existing and using a self-identifier" which is a total no thoughts, head empty thing to say - imagine if someone "self-identified" as having a severe physical illness, but slightly to the left, and then claimed to be the marginalized ones next to the people with an actual trauma disorder?

now, here's my all time favorite line from this whole carrd: "Labelling them as ableist for just existing is like calling a mixed race person racist for engaging in one of their races' cultures."

insert multiple question marks????????

as someone who is mixed race, i don't even think i have words for this one!!?? like i feel like i should never have had to explain that people self-identifying with a trauma disorder while actively claiming to not have trauma isn't the same as someone who can legitimately identify with a group being criticized from joining that group. like... pardon my french, how fucking stupid can you be? that was aggressive, but geez, like come on dude. have at least a little bit of awareness of your surroundings and your words and the way people experience the world. i swear no endo argument is complete without a little side of racism. your cute little "oh i have friends in my head for fun and not based on anything bad and it doesn't negatively affect me ☺️" is not even remotely close to "i am constantly in limbo between two worlds and am shunned from both, i have no sense of identity and my experiences often go unheard." gimme a break.

----------

the eighth claim is another big one, "[Term] is a traumagenic only term." their source for this one is complete dogshit, from a blog, and actually supports the idea that "system" is a DID-specific term, so not really sure what they set off to achieve there! the source says that "system" was used to refer to trauma-based systems in the 1980s and that endos started using "system" around the early 2000s, then goes on to say that DID systems never "reclaimed" the word, so it still belongs to all plurals. not... super sure how that logic works!

another interesting quote from this section is "Those labels cannot "belong" to the traumagenic community, because they are literally words used in everyday life with different meanings depending on the context." the word "belong" is used so interestingly here - turning this logic to, say, another mental illness, reveals the strangeness of this argument. it's like if someone who had anxiety said "the term 'ocd' does not belong to the ocd community!" just because they perceived some of their actions as similar to those with ocd and wanted to use the word. it doesn't "belong" to that community, it just is the word that that community is. that would not be the person with anxiety's term to use, full stop.

additionally, the "context" part is a total red herring. obviously, if the words are being used in the context of, say, a computer operating system, or the splitting of molecules, or the switching of seats on a train, these words have nothing to do with systems. to try to make a "gotcha!" point about context giving words meaning is a weak argument.

to be honest, i don't particularly care about who uses what word, i just find the logical fallacies here utterly shocking and wished to address them.

----------

continue on to part 3 for an analysis of the last two rebuttals and an analysis of the sources! if you've made it this far, thank you!

i will post part 3 tomorrow, i need some time to read through the sources and i'm tired xoxo

[raitobie]

Why I self ship with Light Yagami

*.·:·.✧ ∘°∘♡∘°∘ ✧.·:·.*

I started writing a post and my tendency to be incredibly long winded about Death Note took over, as it does.

Instead of just leaving it in my drafts as per usual however, I decided that I will do what I see others do and add a post index to either my carrd or eventual proper pinned post I should’ve made a long time ago, oof. This will be a part of a FAQ type section maybe as it’s been a question I’ve gotten enough times to answer.

“hOw CoUlD yOu LoVe a MaSs MuRdErEr yOu kNoW hE wOuLd KiLL yOu RiGhT” and the such which I just 🤦🏾‍♀️ I address that below the cut LMAO but some people are also just curious about my thoughts and feelings too, so if you are as well. Or just want to read something…here ya go 💀 I am an intense person, but I do not apologize for this.

I do however apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors, I did as best as I could. 🥲 I’ll probably keep editing it to my liking after I post it.

I have a few reasons really, but the main and important reason I self ship (with Light in particular) is that I think Death Note tells an incredibly interesting story about what it’s like to be human and uses the supernatural to expose human behaviour and the human experience.

And it’s so fascinating to me that Light can both have genuine love and passion in his heart (for his family and society in canon), but also be wicked and diabolical all in a confusing, contradictory attempt to grapple with his own sense of self. It’s so relatable yet a rare and bizarre, disturbing spectacle that isn’t really observable to the extent that death note allows for it to be in real life.

I want it explored, I want his brilliant concept of a character and story to be appreciated, dissected and influence story telling and the creativity of others like it’s done for me because Death Note is so unique and rare and such an iconic staple of pop culture and media.

Yet too often, I see that people’s disgust and discomfort with his actions and choices while rightful cause them to distance themselves from his nuance and complexity as a character as a moral stance. People don’t want to empathize with him lest they excuse and downplay what he’s done. Or, they empathize with him entirely because they recognize the good in him but can’t reconcile it with the bad.

I simply see Light as a whole person with good and bad and a lot of well placed duality with all his traits, whether it’s confidence and insecurity, compassion and belittling, etc. I also see him as initially a very blank slate/default idea that can swing in so many directions with influence from environment, relationships and circumstance, and Death Note canon is just only one of those hypothetical paths and could’ve went so differently with smaller shifts in the plot.

And because of this, it’s necessary that many things have to be true about him all at once. And that makes him so interesting to me. He’s a character I’d love to talk to and get to know even about the littlest mundane things because they shape him in such a way that leaves for so many possibilities complimentary to his main prospects.

So I instantly get cancer when people chalk him up as being inherently evil and narcissistic/psychopathic/sociopathic which is not only a very crappy depiction of those disorders, but just isn’t even true at all. His actions and choices make so much sense with all context and details involved considered, and it’s so much more complicated than mental health diagnoses that Light doesn’t even meet the true criteria for. He deserves so much better analysis and interpretation as a character than to just get that label slapped on him and call it a day.

I’d argue that his longevity as a popular character for well over a decade is very much because he’s inherently complex and he’s perfect for examining closer, and it’s so much fun and natural to want to fill in the blanks based on inferring from the text and piecing together what kind of person Light Yagami has to be to cause as much chaos and cultural shift as he does.

I say all this to say I self ship specifically with Light because I love Light and I love all of him. And one particular thing that is undoubtedly a part of him but gets retconned out of how he’s portrayed by fandom and even some of the official adaptations is that he himself very much does love others, and when he does, he loves them very deeply.

Not only that, but he’s very capable of loving women in particular with the right opportunities and circumstances to connect with one, in which lack thereof is really the only concrete reason he can’t and doesn’t in canon. Not intense and deep misogyny. He does not demonstrate any hate for women by right of their gender, he just treats women badly and is distant from them in canon due to yes, necessity in context and priority. He manipulates with what he knows to be true and likely about particular men and women alike, and Ohba’s sexist ideology influences this and happens to pigeonhole the women Light interacts with into these ideas.

I don’t agree that he’s not sexually attracted to women at all, either. I personally think he takes too much pride, care and attention in his popularity with them to not appreciate them in that way at all. I just more see it as a valid explanation that he takes his attractiveness for granted and discipline, pride and a need for healthy emotional connection as a prerequisite for deeper feelings and attraction (I headcanon/view him as demisexual) play a very big part in his indifference. Being that he has no true healthy close bonds with anyone aside from his sister in canon, it makes perfect sense that he doesn’t love any of the women he’s romantically involved with.

And this particular side of him is never explored well or positively at all in anything I’ve read concerning him, even though I think there’s a lot of interesting elements to explore to make the scenario of him being in a healthy relationship happen. But it’s very possible for him, and I want to explore EVERY possibility for him. This is just territory that’s gone long and very largely uncharted with no full regards and consideration of who he is, so I’m going there for my own appreciation and respect of his depth.

And because Light always puts on a mask as to hide how he really thinks and feels and has never been loved and accepted wholly for his good and bad even by himself, I imagine he’d feel very loved and touched if he could know how I felt about him and would experience some of those feelings back. And I love that for him and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

So alas, that’s how I got here. I think he’s fascinating as a person and a very sweet and admirable person deep down, and I want to be as close to him as possible to experience who he is and nurture and appreciate that. I’m sorry for what he became and I see all of him enough to want to love him as well as I can and give him another path to take. This is all my creative outlet for that. A lot more details could be discussed here, but I’ve got to take it easy at some point lol.

[aberrantmood]

A little bit about me! (That isn't already on my carrd) WARNING: I'm a multi-paragraph texter. This introduction may be a bit longer than common intro posts you'd come across, which is something that some people enjoy more than others. With that in mind, if you aren't willing to read at least my opinions/stances or carrd, you won't have the best time here.

In short, I can’t force you to read anything here. However, anything you come across on my blog that’s unsavory, uncomfortable, or you don’t agree with, I already warned about beforehand on this pinned post. 🍵 What's my general "vibe?" Grew up catholic, now I'm someone the priests I grew up with want burnt on a stake. I also often put my filter on the back burner when it comes to sexual topics. Although, because of that, I'm proud to say that various friends of mine have become more open with not only talking about their sexual thoughts and/or experiences, they've also become more comfortable and―dare I say―confident with themselves. I'm the one they come to if they're unsure of which toy to buy and if they're too scared to order/buy one themselves. I'm the one they come to if they need sexual advice, I'm the one they (specifically my writer friends) come to when they wanna ramble about their OCs sexual preferences and interests. Hence, I will absolutely be that same friend towards anyone who decides "Hey, her blog is pretty chill. I'll stick around."

🍵 Why am I on tumblr? To talk about sex and, hopefully, help break the stigma a little bit behind it. I'm hoping my frequent talk about it will help not only others out there feel more open―just as it did with my friends―but at least relieved to know that they aren't alone in any kinks they may have (and that they're completely valid, at that). I actually highly recommend Evie Lupine if you're looking for further and more in-depth kink education. She's asexual, too! Kinky asexuals aren't commonly known of nor talked about, and she plans to break that. So, despite not being asexual myself―she taught me a lot about the asexual spectrum community, and helped me immensely with fighting the common guilt that comes with being kinky. I highly, highly recommend her. I'm also here to spread education about LGBTQ+―specifically us Aromantic Allosexuals, which I am. "Aromantic Allopansexual," to be specific. I don't only post about sex and my sexual identity, though. I also may post about my personal interests/hobbies, which you can find on my carrd. Main topics might be about horror, as I've been a huge fan of it since toddler age.

🍵 What am I into (NSFW wise)? In short, I'm a "pillow princess" submissive. A sub is self-explanatory. For pillow princess though―to me, "pillow princess" means I'm all for receiving oral, but have an uncontrollable repulsion to giving it. I used to beat myself up for that, thanks to the common "give what you get" expectation when it comes to oral, but came to accept it. That I not only can't help my repulsion, but shouldn't "have" to do anything in sex I'm not comfortable with. That it does not make me boring or selfish. To anyone who's similar: I hear you. I understand you. And I promise you, there are many people out there entirely into it. Though I am curious to try out deepthroating a dick or strap-on, as I frequently do in my fantasies―a real dick would have to fit my personal bill of attractive to even want to touch it. As said before, though, there are people entirely into it. Hence, I prefer only sleeping with partners who don't want their own genitals touched. As I'll admit that giving-oral-repulsion guilt still lingers from time to time. But if I'm with a partner who doesn't want their genitals touched in the first place, it really shuts that inner guilt off. (Stone tops, we stand in solidarity). And as you can probably tell, I'm more than open with my insecurities. Please feel free to be on my blog as well. Kink wise and a more in depth list? Here's a document, if you're curious. 🍵 Tags? • #askLeda for my asks and answers. • #nsft for "not safe for tumblr/not safe for work" related posts. Mainly humerous/not so serious posts. • #sexualfantasy for, as it says, posts related to my fantasies. • #aromantic or #aroallo for Aromantic related posts. • #sexualeducation or #ethicalkink for, also, just as it says on the tin. Educational and encouragement, and potential ramblings/rants, of healthy practices when it comes to sex of all kinds. Be it vanilla or kinky. • #toyrec for adult toy recommendations and reviews.

• #Ledastunes for songs I'm either currently listening to on repeat, and/or just wanna recommend. 🍵 Some opinions/stances? • Sex and romance are not inherently bad. While the way that society, at large, interacts with them is flawed (e.g: toxic monogamy/amatonormativity)―completely getting rid of them is far from the solution. • Sex repulsion/aversion is not an excuse for sex negativity. (e.g: "Eww! People have sex?! Y'all are disgusting!") • Children shouldn't be sheltered from the topic of sex. And around teenage years, they should feel comfortable enough to ask you for a toy or advice. If your child grows up fearing you'll be disgusted by them, then I firmly believe you fucked up there. • As kinky and kink positive I am, kink should never be a replacement for therapy. • But with that in mind, kink (especially edgier/violent leaning ones) are far from inherently misogynistic and are a sign you need your head checked/of mental illness. Anti-kinksters and radical feminists tend to have this viewpoint. So, and I say this as respectfully as possible, leave my blog if you fit any of those bills.

• “Virginity” is not medically real. It’s not a medical term, and it’s not based on any scientifical evidence. Instead, virginity is a social and cultural concept that is more important in some cultures and religions than in others. Particularly, purity culture. • Doms using safe words/hand signs/etc is absolutely necessary. The sub isn't the only one in control―both (or all) parties are. Each person in a power play dynamic absolutely deserve, and need, a safe word/hand sign/whatever. Including sadists. Far too many people (especially newcomers) in the BDSM community either aren't aware that doms, too, need check-ins and tap outs. Then once some people/subs do learn about/experience that, they scoff. This all goes for aftercare, too. • You aren't "sex positive" as you may think if you're anti-kink. I don't care if it's for personal reasons (in that case, that's called projection)―if your argument is "I support x because x is better than y" then you actually don't support x, and should maybe reconsider your stances and views. "Oh, have as much sex as you want! That's totally great for you! So long as it doesn't involve any kinks like masochism or anything. That's for brainwashed and gross people who are just inherently harming their mental state or are inherently abusers, haha :)" We've been told that sex is degrading and takes away a person's value one way or another, and we’ve finally come to recognize that that's an awful viewpoint to hold. But instead of saying "no, that's not true" and instead saying "yeah, it's true, but not under these conditions" and you think you've made it better? Once again, I would highly recommend sitting back and listening to those with different experiences and thoughts. • You aren't supportive of aromantics and "all complex queer identities" until you learn and accept that not every aromantic is asexual. Neither that all aroallos are bi/pan/lesbian/etc―some are heterosexual, yet still absolutely belong in the community. Aromantic, in of itself, is a queer identity. 🍵 QUCK NOTE: Trans women, you are absolutely loved and welcome here, and it will be kept that way. I say that as not only a promise, but a threat towards any transphobes reading. Mark my words, I will not tolerate any hate towards my trans sisters on my fucking blog. 🍵 Rules for asking/interacting: Here.

[starrbar]

The word "proship" is about as descriptive as "mutt" nowadays.

Lil disclaimer: This is only about me and my personal experiences. Call yourself whatever you like. It's your actions I will judge, not your label.

There are two reasons why I try to avoid directly labeling myself as "proship" or even "profiction" despite sharing many, if not all, of the views those terms are supposed to stand for.

I wrote about the first reason here.

This is the second reason:

I have seen the terms proship/proshipper/profiction used by real people in the following ways, NOT counting the things antis claim it means:

"Ship and let ship" / "Your kink is not my kink (and that's okay)"

"Not caring what other people like"

"Minding your own business"

"Curating your experience"

"Scrolling when your see something you dislike instead of making a fuss over it"

"Being into taboo subjects"

"Supporting all ships, including pedophilic or incestuous ones"

"Being against thought crimes"

"Anti-harassment over fiction"

"Anti-censorship"

"Fiction doesn't equal reality" / "Fiction isn't reality"

"Fiction doesn't affect reality at all"

"Being able to tell the difference between fiction and reality"

And then on top of that, a lot of neutral people are lead to believe it just means "pedophile / incest supporter", or someone who genuinely thinks minor/adult 'relationships' are healthy and fine.

➛ It's worth a brief note that it didn't originally mean literally any of these things (as documented on the Anti-shipper and Anti-anti Fanlore pages), but you didn't come here for a history lesson.

I've also seen the following behaviors from people who used being "proship" as a shield or justification for them:

Defending MAPs

Defending or participating in invasive RPF

Defending bigotry

Supporting real life incest

Doing "problematic shipping" with child characters played by actual minors

Making lust posts about characters played by child actors

Creating, consuming, or supporting uncomfortably realistic "lolicon"

Getting way too defensive against ANY criticism of a story, even when it's not framed in an aggressive, moralizing way.

And my favorite: Fucking harassing people for perceived "anti" views. -_-

I'm certainly not writing this with the intention of making all proshippers as a whole look bad, but I've had to come to terms with what that word has evolved into and what it means to people. It's gone out of my control despite how desperately I had wanted it to just mean what I think it should mean—what it did mean originally.

When one of my core identity labels can conjure up the image of any one of these things, especially when many of them are god awful, I feel a lot less comfortable using it for myself.

I use "anti-anti" comfortably enough because it doesn't refer to my potential stance on paraphilias, what ships I'm into, censorship or ""censorship"" (the bullshit right-wing boogie man version), or even simply the way fiction affects reality. It instead only refers to my stance against what antis stand for and what they do.

And we all know what they do.

I used to have this explained on my Carrd as a mere supplement to a long, long list of my specific beliefs regarding fiction vs. reality, kinks, and all that jazz. Then I realized how futile and silly it is to preemptively explain my entire moral compass on my literal central hub of Me-ness, because who am I really convincing of anything by having a BYF page that huge? It had a bunch of claims about what I believe, but no further essays linked that might back up how thoroughly I do believe those things. So it would end up just... kind of hollow.

So whenever I'm feeling spicy, I might just write more essays about various aspects of the discourse and keep those in a totally optional directory of sorts, probably still linked on my Carrd. I have a burning need to share my thoughts and writing with the world, but I certainly don't think someone needs to know all of that just to click Like on my art.

(Also some day I might make dedicated posts to each of the links I shared, but for now I just want some level of backup to my words in this post.)

[dudeshusband]

closer than we think, sing, r&r, salt in the snow, gravedigging, 5805, just a man, for Dude? (Also the new (?) Carrd looks so cool!!)

my carrd is kinda new (i think it was a week and a half ago? maybe two?)

closer than we think - do you and your f/o live together? if no, why not? if yes, whos place is it?

like chance, we both have a room at the hotel alamo. it isn't the same room.

I've thought that if we save up and get married we can build our own house (with some help from others in town).

sing - how does your f/o show you they love you? are they a romantic? awkward? gruff? something else? what abt you?

he's a bit of a romantic. he's kinda unsure of himself at first but he favors touch and compliments (and the occasional bantery joke).

I'm very acts of service. I'll just do whatever he needs done or i can do for him. i also like physical affection.

r&r - do you and your f/o have any plans for the future together? what do those look like?

we might have our own house and raise our oen horses, if money allows and i don't think dude ever plans to stop being deputy sheriff. my s/i would probably continue to be the security at the hotel alamo (and help out chance whenever necessary)

salt in the snow - what's the longest you and your f/o have been away from each other? were you able to keep in touch?

neither of us really go anywhere. we try to stay in town because it has almost everything we need and the next town is quite far. plus, dude has to stay local to protect the town (chance was doing it on his own before dude got sober but dude doesn't want a return to that. they both know he's a valuable asset and a loyal friend.)

the only ways out are by a stagecoach that doesn't come in very often and a long horse ride (that one probably wouldn't make by themselves because there are probably bandits).

gravedigging - is your relationship a secret or are you open abt it? if it's more secret, who, if anyone, knows abt it?

everybody knows.

5805 - how long have you/your s/i been with your f/o? how long did you know each other before getting together?

this is recent in both fronts (about 6 months).

but my s/i knew dude for 3 years before they got together (though he did spend two years of it flat out drunk).

just a man - do you and your f/o have similar or different personalities? how do they differ or how are they similar?

hm. well.

i think we both can be a bit sensitive at times and easily angered (mostly when we're going through something or stressed).

but i think dude can be more easy going and funny than i am. also i think he's braver.

we can both be insecure as well but i think I'm way more so.

also dude's a bit petty sometimes and it's funny. (like making the guy who tossed a coin in the spittoon to make fun of him, get the coin out himself. or that whole scene with nathan burdette passing his gun check). i love the self satisfied look he has at the end of both interactions. he's cute.

(both of those assholes deserved it though. they've probably been bullying dude for years).

the silver cord ask game

[ffxivlucio]

More OOC thoughts lol

(Spoilers for S9 ahead)

Alright, so this will p much be me talking to myself for the sake of getting stuff down, but idk…so I did go ahead with the idea, gave Lúcio a Turalian name, made a pretty poor carrd, etc. People asked about my concept, and brought up that he would be a very good, if not perfect match for Solution Nine. And honestly, they are right. Make him a Tonwawtan that got trapped in the dome, and then grew up in Solution Nine, rising up to stardom through his music, and uniqueness to not wear a regulator. Use that platform to bring awareness to the world outside the dome, and possibly when/if the Arcadion stuff comes to light, be a proponent of getting rid of the souls.

It’s not only smarter, but far safer than the half-baked concepts I went with. I still am struggling to explain his tattoo and the history and workings behind it, not that there’s much of it. One of my greatest joys from roleplaying him in the Overwatch servers, was people recognizing him IC and freaking out over it. Idk why it made me feel so giddy and happy. Though I know I can’t fully bring all of his character through to FFXIV, I’m neglecting quite a big part of his character with the path that I chose, namely that he’s not as well known, and thus, has much less of an influence.

A few reasons I tossed it was the age didn’t line up which is an easy fix, just make him older; I don’t have and don’t remember where to get the glam, though I think it may be a dungeon? I didn’t mean for my main to be a rp character in the first place, he’s just a guy I make in every game I like; and I got too attached to my ideas as I always do. In trying to create less work for myself, because I wasn’t such if I could or wanted to play him off as someone so new to the outside world, I may have ended creating a looot more work for myself instead. I feel like I’ve just lost sight of the character entirely, under my own warped view of him. Not sure if I can recover that at all now. I can certainly try, by introducing him to the dome, but it would take a lot longer for such his fame to accumulate then.

I’ve also just lost a lot of confidence in myself. The reason I made him main Dancer is because despite my world in my head, I cannot play up a Bard as well, nor can I perform as well as he can. I wish I could, it would certainly be fun, but I don’t have the spoons for it, nor the skill. He’s far better than I am at things I wish I was. Gods know why I like him so much…

Maybe I could play two separate characters on one actual character lol, but that feels like it would be insane lmao. The more I think about the way provided for me, the more I kinda feel like I’m kicking myself for not doing it. I wanted him to be a lot more worldly experienced, than what that other idea provided, but…idk lol. I fear I already may be burning out. Not to forget his culture either; I feel like no matter what I do, I’ll be doing a poor job at representing it. It’s an odd feeling that I can’t really explain, maybe guilt for feeling guilty lol. I’m sure there’s more I’m missing but it’s alright. I’m talking just to talk at the void ig. I know I’ve been in a poor mental state, almost erratic in a way. I don’t want to alienate or tick off anyone in the rp community, but gods know that will happen regardless of what I do. Anyway, if you can’t tell, I’m rather tired, hence the word salad. I don’t expect anyone to read this, but if you do, thank you, I suppose.

Lemme link his carrd too, maybe stuff will make more sense.

[pwphoenixwrites]

This Chapter Ends (Poem) and PhoenixWrites 1 (Website) Release

I am excited to say that the release of my poem, This Chapter Ends, and the new version of my website are here. The website was a long time coming, while the poem took only about two weeks. I'll speak about the website first.

For those unaware, I used to have a website before this new one. It was one created on Google Sites and featured the majority of my writing and upcoming projects. Sadly, I discontinued the website after Version 9 because I hated the limitations and began to distance myself from writing. I also thought something simplistic like an extra Tumblr blog or Carrd page would be better too.

These proved to not be effective or efficient. An extra Tumblr blog created more fragmentation and confusion on the location of my writing. People who followed my main blog would not understand to follow the other one. Not everyone uses Tumblr either, so it forged a barrier for entry too (When I posted on Discord). I also hated how my writing was laid out and presented on Tumblr. The Carrd page was better, but again, it was still too limited like Google Sites. I also just hated the layout and how juvenile it felt to own one.

This is why I went back to making a website instead. For starters, I did not want to touch Google Sites or Wix with a ten-foot pole. They are not great website builders. I also could self-host, but that would take more time than it is worth and create a variety of privacy and security issues for me. It was difficult to choose a website builder, but I chose WordPress in the end. I chose it because WordPress is well known, partially free, and they own Tumblr. So, I decided to go with that option.

It took some time to get used to WordPress, but I eventually overcame the obstacles. There were some quirks and caveats to it as well. For example, not being able to use CSS or HTML styling unless you pay for their Explorer subscription. I am not doing that when I'm already paying subscriptions for other services that have more worth. I also think the free version of WordPress is good enough for me until I start to expand the website more. This first version of the website is keeping it simplistic, so that settles it for now.

Without further ado, you may access the website here! Notice that it only includes the basics like an About page, a Contact page, and lastly, a Writing page for all the work I've written. There will be more, but not for a while. Please note that blogs will now be presented on Tumblr too, while all my writing is presented on the website. I'll be speaking about the poem, This Chapter Ends, below.

I know it is shocking to hear that This Chapter Ends only took about two weeks to complete. Definitely one of the quickest poems I've written besides the slew of practice poetry I keep in my notes. But unlike the majority of my practice poetry, I became a lot more attached to This Chapter Ends. I was impressed by the way I wrote it and I consider it to be a lot better than some of the other work I've written. To me, it feels like I put far more emotion and heart into it. It is something I always wanted to achieve, but could not because it was not the right time or place. Perfectionism is always my damn demise too, so it was another contributor.

Yes, I even consider it to be better than the 2018 version of Rise, Phoenix! featured in the Replacement anthology. Another shocking revelation since I always proclaimed that poem as my best. Though I am starting to change my mind after reading it over and over again. Hell, it's why Rise Phoenix! (2024) is going to be a thing now. But This Chapter Ends is most certainly the best poem I've written in a while. At least, in my opinion.

You can read the poem on my new website here! I suggest reading it before hearing the story behind the poem below.

The production of this poem occurred on the last week of college. It was also the last week working as a library assistant at my college too. These past two weeks were one of the most bittersweet moments of my life (I talk about it more in this blog here). The emotions overcame me as I ruminated on the last few days, knowing full-well I would have to say, "Goodbye" to this part of my life. Or in this case, this chapter of my life. In sequence, I wrote this poem over the span of that last week and spent editing it on the second with this rare inspiration.

I spent four years studying for my double major in cyber security and networking. The first two years, I labored over my network studies. I aimlessly and mindlessly trudged through the work during the pandemic. Those nights were my worst since I had only me, my work, writing, and online friends to speak to. Alongside, I dealt with dramatics with my friends online and in my family. It was hell, to put it simply, and I'd rather not go into more detail.

The next two years, I studied for cyber security. My life seemed to get better, just ever so slightly. I pushed myself to focus more on my studies. I started counseling, made new friends around my community, got a job at my college, and embarked on my writing again. Even if I still got distracted by online stupidity. I laugh, looking back at it now, especially since I plan on pushing that aside. Who would've known that I'd actually start enjoying my actual life instead of hopping around online communities with silly strangers who do not know how to socialize?

I have achieved so much in 2023 and 2024. You can now see why I say that the last few weeks "were one of the most bittersweet moments of my life." These past few years were life-changing and showed that I am here to willingly improve and continue to do so. I will miss my college, but it's time to forge the next chapter of my life.

This poem shows the end of my childhood, the end of laboriously obtaining my associate's degree, and the end of dawdling on online communities. This is the beginning of me focusing more on myself and the aspects of life that truly matter.

[penwrythe]

Kinda had this thought occasionally about being online as an adult artist and creator: on parasocial behavior and inappropriate conduct

Long post, putting it under a read more

Reflecting on a few past events online where some adult creators behaved inappropriately around minors and younger adults, I just have this thought about how some adults feel so comfortable having an audience of any type that makes them feel okay to befriend, or worse, develop an interest in pursuing a relationship with someone vastly younger than them.

I believe it is not okay for adults to befriend minors for any reason. Like, full stop, it's not okay. Or having easy avenues for minors to contact them via dms or other private means.

And I understand that some younger people see online spaces as an escape, using online communities to find a space that's safe for them and all. There's a post about how some adults online can help minors find a safe space in fandoms or communities, but idk, I think not all of us have the best interests in mind for minors.

I just reminded myself of a recent thing where a former OSC Youtuber was called out for joking around about nsfw content with a minor friend. It's obviously bad behavior, but like why did you do that??? Why that was even a thought in that person's head that it was okay to do?? Get adult friends, please??? (not to mention the YTer's video topics and thumbnails were also inappropriate, too, and had no warnings or disclaimers)

And three former mutuals I had long ago did bad shit as well (one of them lying about their age while underaged, you-know-you-know. And the other had no transparency about how they handled their Objectshow project, having no separation between of their private 18+ art and their project. Third mutual, I tried seeing things from their side of the story, but what happened was still bad no matter what). No boundaries or anything, just absolutely weird bad inappropriate behavior.

And so when I think about this, I'm like "By my age and experience alone, as an adult, I am capable of doing great harm to the youngest members of my following/community/mutuals, etc. Holy shit, I should not treat them like buddy-buddy as though they are my adult friends. They are not. They are kids or teens and having some kind of boundary between myself and them to protect them is better than nothing. Their safety is more important than me gaining loyal fans."

Anyway, that's why in the top FAQ section of my carrd and my Interactions and Boundaries list while I welcome minor followers, I do not want private dms, I'm transparent on my project and its target audience, and how I go about online. I'm open to critique and change (yo, please let me know if I did something wrong or crossed a boundary. Do not put me on a pedestal). I had my own setbacks and I hold myself accountable for them, but I know not to mess with minors.

~hmmmmmm~

There's also my other concern about parasocial relationships and how easy for both minors and adults at any age can get sucked into one. And while a part of it is uncontrollable and unavoidable -- just by reading this post, you are engaging with me in this matter -- there is a part of it that is controllable:

How do you (the creator, artist, etc.) treat your audience? How do you engage with them on any platform? Do you treat them as family, or as friends (like a thousand friends)? Or do you treat them just as an audience, acknowledging them as their own people who want to support you? Do you have minor followers/mutuals and do you respect them, especially as an adult? Do you try to contact them anyway or do you have restrictions on how you communicate to them and vice versa?

Note: I think it's okay to follow and support minor artists and creators as long as you respect them. I'm not saying you should unfollow them. What I'm saying is, do you respect them and their boundaries? Do you have minor friends? If so, do you respect them? (There are young people who become 18 and their friends might be 17 or so. I'm more concerned about 20 or 30+ year old people being friends with underaged people.)

Also, The same for adults, too. Yeah, adults can be fine with inappropriate jokes or whatever, but that does not mean you can do whatever you want with them. Do you respect your adult friends' and mutuals' boundaries? Do you try to settle things respectfully or just use any mistake or flaw for clout?

Also sometimes fans can get weird towards the creators they like. Do you treat your favs as people or as an ideal? Do you hold them accountable or do you ignore their mistakes - even serious shit that harmed people? Even if they are good people, do you hold them accountable still? Do you have extremely high or low expectations of them? Do you hold them up to an ideal so impossible that it becomes concerning and could put them in danger? (stalking, monitoring them, pursuing them for a relationship they clearly do not want?)

While writing all this, I'm reviewing my past behaviors, too, some of which did pop up more on having trouble separating myself from the people I follow and like. Something I need to work on now that I'm aware of it.

But yeah, just want to put this out there cause I seriously think a lot of people (heck mainly adults) need to seriously think about how they go about things online.

Sorry for typos. I started writing this just when I woke up this morning.

[fgfluidity]

all at once

Summary: There’s a new static in the air.

Pairing: Damien/Dark x DA

Warnings: mentions of death, blood, wounds

i take commissions and donations! head to my carrd and ko-fi for more info!

@volbeast @opprose @moriimae @statictay @mirrorslament

There's a new static in the air.

Dark has his own, of a sort. He first tasted it with his initial damaged lungful of air, taking the reins of a stolen body; it fizzled on his tongue like a phosphate, flavorless and yet bittersweet, like raspberry, chocolate, and death.

It was unnerving at first, of course. He'd never felt such a thing before, spreading through his body like a most peculiar wave. Similar as it was to the tingle of a sleeping limb, he at once felt renewed, dark power newly coursing through every atom and finding a home for itself.

Now, it fits as snugly as his own skin, comforting in a way. A sense of life in an animated corpse, ready to jump at the call or wave of his hand.

If only things had been so easy in his living days. What the people of his precious town would have experienced, then.

He’s had plenty of time for reminiscence and regret; right now, there’s a much more pressing issue at hand.

Figuring that the manor won’t burst into flames if he’s gone for a few moments… probably, he opens a tear in the world with half a thought, the slightest tilt of his head.

It looks like a slash in the air, darkness on the other side. Wilford hates the damned things, making his derision well known.

“Honestly, Damie, it’s so dreary and dramatic. Why not some color? You could make it more fun for anyone who wants to visit you.”

The corner of his mouth lifted just so, a wry and nearly pained smile. “Now, who would want to do that?”

"What about that little friend of yours? A little quiet for my tastes, but you always put them in your letters." His mustache twitched, a faraway look coming to his eyes. "What happened between you two? You never talk about them anymore- did you break up?"

The smile vanished, and Dark took a deep breath to stave off the cracks in his shell, the void and edges of his soul threatening to lash out. "Get out, Wil. I have work to do."

It's for the best that Wil doesn't remember. That he doesn't talk about it. He's too unpredictable and mad, these days; An agonizing and depressed Wil, with all the power he holds...

It's bad enough that Dark remembers. They don't need two of him.

He steps into the slash of void, into the comforting nothing of his new domain. Ordinarily, he might take some comfort in the un-ness of the place- the un-light, the un-cold, the un-noise- but he has a mission. Instead, turning like a bloodhound to the wind, he focuses.

Little but his own static in most directions, but in one particular way, to his front right-

It comes swimming up from the depths of white noise, like the edge of a radio station passing through the countryside. Faint, yes, but a voice- a lovely one.

Scheme a while, dream a while

We’re sure to find…

If his heart pumped, it would skip a beat, but his blood remains cold. All the same, he shudders, flashes of blue in the void before he can try to control himself.

He knows that voice.

He half runs, half stumbles to the next tear in the void, hardly bothering with decorum and surreptitiousness as he pushes through into Reality once more.

It spills him out into a room. Bare bones, but pleasant enough, a soft bed and a desk and a chair and a bookshelf, but those don’t- can’t- hold his attention.

It doesn’t matter the room he’s in, because here in the room with him…

The DA looks up. Though surprise crosses their features, it’s surprisingly mild, tempered with curiosity and- most frighteningly- recognition.

“You’re here,” they say, in their quiet manner. “Hm. There’s no adventure I know of… hold on.”

Dark can hardly utter a word, for once speechless and not because of his ruined neck. He can only watch as the DA, in an almost twisted parody of his own neck motions, the turn of a knob, tilts their head one way, then the other.

Click, click, click- all while their expression remains pensive, searching.

Before his eyes, they shift and change. A suit in one instance, a uniform in another, a dress, a burglar’s outfit, swim gear, pirate’s garb, a cowboy hat, royal finery- with each click, they’re a different version of themself.

Finally, back to their comfortable sweater, peering up at him. Slowly, they begin to smile. “No, no adventure. This one is new. Here, you haven’t found me. Not since…”

They close their eyes, take a deep breath of still air. Dark breathes in with them, almost unconsciously, and takes in the scent of honey and sunshine. Their scent. Fizzing like a phosphate, sweet and ticklish and almost too much for him to bear.

Their face softens. “Oh… oh, Day,” they murmur, eyes meeting his. “How long since that mirror broke here?”

He swallows hard. It always difficult with his twisted neck, but the pain makes it even harder, clicking before he can speak. “I… I can’t say. A year or two. I had you. And then-“

The DA nods sagely. “And then I shattered. I split into a million different universes.”

Dark shakes his head, but really, how unbelievable is that after everything they’ve been through? “In this universe- does he-“

“The universe is bigger than all that,” they chide, though gently. “He’s here. In some, we parted ways. In some, we haven’t. This one is of the latter. This me… they’ll need you. They’ll meet you, when the time is right.

“Patience, though, Damien. It doesn’t do to be hasty.” They grimace, glancing away. For a moment, their unmarred skin tears, blood in patches and rivulets, but they’re back in a blink. Less than. “I have to go. But they’ll- I’ll be here.”

Cold panic lances through his heart, and he braves a step towards them. “Wait, please- before you do…” He falters, taking them in. Every inch, from the curious tilt of their head to the way they stand, their eyes and nose and mouth and hair. It’s like water after years in the desert.

“Yes?”

He swallows again. Straightens up. “You said some things depend on the universe. … Do I always find you?”

The DA watches him. It should be impassive, and perhaps they’re trying to be, but he knows them far too well for that trick to work. There’s sorrow and pain behind those eyes, yes, but such warmth- warmth that immediately shows in their smile, the one they saved for him.

“Yes,” they say, so soft. “You always do, however long it takes. Even in the ones where it hasn’t happened yet, you will. Like he always said-“

“We’re stuck until the end of time,” Dark finishes, and finally cracks his own smile. “Until I see you again… keep yourself safe.”

“You too, Day. Maybe brush up on your piano a little more.” They settle back into their seated position, turning towards the computer where a playlist is pulled up. “I could really use my accompaniment again.”

He decides to step back into the void before this place’s DA returns- it isn’t time yet, and he can’t bear to ruin something ahead of schedule.

Still, he remains tuned in to their honeysuckle static, just for a little bit, as their voice picks up at the start of that verse.

Scheme a while, dream a while

We’re sure to find

Happiness and I guess

All those things you’ve always pined for.

[systematic-advice]

aww too bad but endogenic systems are valid, and unless you got some actual evidence that says otherwise (as in not from another sysmed or some rando's carrd), you're just another terminally online fakeclaimer :)

You know, I have been sitting in my home, on my lovely comfortable sofa that I fought for years to get, in front of my 6 year old laptop that took me a year to save for, next to my partner who has suffered even more than I- trying to decide how to answer this 'exactly'. When someone invalidates your struggles like this, what do you say exactly? I thought about being sarcastic and angry, but honestly that's what you want, isn't it Anon? You'd like to be able to say you boiled the blood of someone who doesn't think like you. But you didn't. What you did was make yourself look like an ass hole. Or you would have, had you actually been brave enough to face me for real. Hiding behind the grey icon further proves you to be a coward with no facts to back yourself up. Otherwise you'd be in here with studies trying to change my mind, not asking me to provide you with your own proof.

You have come into my inbox and, like all your other Endo friends, told me my suffering was nothing. Because that's what the existence of Endos means. If anyone can will a System into existence, why can't we just decide not to have them? Why not just stop ruining our lives. Oh yeah, because we literally can't. You and your lot all seem to have this idea that Systemhood is some great advantage. How about last month when one of our Alters misplaced $900 that we needed to eat, which took us more than a day to find? Things like that happen regularly, because it's not an advantage. IT IS AN INJURY. Systems have BRAIN INJURIES. Trauma of any kind is in fact an injury, so what you're saying is 'LOL You have a broken arm? That looks fun let me do that!" Because you want attention and you can't get it any other way then butting into someone else's space.

I would bother linking you to the numerous studies done by professionals in their field who obviously don't recognise Endos because they aren't a real thing, but that's not what you were asking for. You were using that line as a gotcha, but it's not. It's just funny. Your transphobic use of that term, 'Sysmed' is disgusting and your lack of education is frankly laughable. There are no studies on endos because there are no professionals in their field who believe in them. Because they don't exist beyond your online presence.

I find it truthfully hilarious that you call us 'terminally online' when that is they ONLY thing that could lead to Endos even having a space or voice in the first place. Your liberalism is cute, but radical inclusivity is a danger to medical conditions. After all, what you're basically proposing is that we eliminate diagnostic criteria. So you can have PTSD without trauma and spiritually identify as having ASPD. All absolutely disgusting and ableist.

And for the final point, I've never fakeclaimed anyone. I have gone out of my way to make sure that I don't directly fake claim a single person, even Endo Systems. The designation of Endogenic is an online term that means nothing in the medical industry. I do not claim Endos aren't Systems, I claim Endogenic as a term and designation isn't valid or real. It's not. And no amount of your complaining will change science. I have exactly 'ONE' post wherein I implied someone COULD be faking and I was careful to say that I desperately hoped what they were saying was coming across wrong because I'm not here to fakeclaim. I'm pretty clear about why I don't interact with Endos and this entire post is a pretty good summery of why.

I understand that we are all just trying to figure ourselves out, but there are actual medical journals with REAL information in them, and you all want to read some Carrd about how Endos are valid because they say they are. If any of you bothered to learn a single thing about how to do proper research, this wouldn't even be a problem. But just like the boomers on facebook, you read ONE thing that SOUNDS plausible and it's a fact for life. It's honestly so pathetic. Tumblr users all like to pretend we're better, but people like this clearly aren't. It would take an hour on google with any sort of critical thinking to know the entire Endo community is full of crap. But no, you'd rather just dive in to unsourced anecdotes and ignore evidence.

Fine, but stop pretending we're the ones who are terminally online.

[tteokdoroki]

broken beauty | k.bakugou

⇝ pairing: katsuki bakugou x fem!reader.

⇝ word count: 2.1K

⇝ rating: for everyone.

⇝ genre: pro hero!au, model!au, angst.

⇝ summary: katsuki bakugou had never given you a reason to feel insecure, but when the distance between your worlds finally dawns on you, you feel yourself begin to break.

⇝ warning(s): please read ! heavy angst, no happy ending, mentions of insecurity, self doubt, emotional distress and bakugou cursing again.

⇝ author’s note(s): hello everyone, i hope you’re all doing well and keeping safe during this time, this one-shot is a request from @yourlocalbabybird​​​ !!! i hope the angst is heavy enough for you heh, i tried my best so i hope you enjoy. thank you for all the love on my blog. also i tried a new banner style which i like a lot :(

with everything going on recently i’ve found this carrd to help us all stay educated and mindful of others <3

⇝ masterlist | requests

bakugou had never given you a reason to feel insecure.

through your entire relationship, all you’d ever received from him was love— while it might not have been through grandest if gestures and shouting it from the rooftops, he showed you through lingering touches, soft kisses— dates on the rooftop and under the sunrise with hazy eyes and linked fingers. you were his world and he was yours, no relationship you’d ever had, felt as tight and secure as the one yourself and katsuki shared.

but that didn’t mean, you didn’t feel insecure by your own accord.

‘it’s just a modelling gig, nothing more, nothing less.’ is what you have to remind yourself while you sit behind the scenes on the set of bakugou’s latest shoot. your boyfriend is not a model per say, but fashion designers love a pro hero with good looks and a popular rank amongst the people; not only does it boost their brand but it’s often a good PR move on behalf of the heroes. a win win situation for all, including your boyfriend. bakugou is hot, you know that, he knows it and god so does the rest of japan— so it’s only natural that the top brands would want him splayed out on the cover of next month’s vogue magazine.

you’re proud of him, really, with your boyfriend right on track to become the next number two— you’re happy that he’s got the chance to experience an opportunity like this...but you can’t help but watch with burning eyes and a strained heart as he poses for the camera with her. ochako uraraka is no more of a model than your precious katsuki; but she is also sweet,  gorgeous and a pro hero like himself. and unlike you, they had known each other since high school, being on the same hero course and all— but being a hero wasn’t an option for you, growing up quirkless you had forced you to choose a quieter route in life and whereby you opened up your own little cafe, so it was by chance that you’d even met your boyfriend.

everything was by chance. meeting bakugou, falling for bakugou, loving bakugou. but the world would never know of you, having a quirkless girlfriend could severely damage your lover’s reputation and rank on the charts— so of course, ochako would have been the next best choice to replace you by his side on the cover.

at the time, when plans for the shoot had first been revealed, you had been okay with it. bakugou had made sure of that, he would never do anything you weren’t comfortable with or that exceeded the bounds of your relationship, and the fairytale theme certainly didn’t bother you back then. but now; upon seeing the shirtless dragon king and barley clothed princess set up they had going for the two, you fee bile rise up in your throat and uncomfortable churning in your stomach— a sense of jealousy directing itself at the girl who had her hands all over your boyfriend, merely for the purpose of a photoshoot.

you hate the way they look at each other, as if they belong together— ‘it’s just acting.’ you tell yourself as bakugou lifts the brunette into his arms behind the camera, her dainty fingers splayed out against the caramel of his chest and the look in her eyes writes words of love. you shouldn’t be mad, upset or angry. it’s just his job, but you can’t help but feel that maybe bakugou would be better off with her instead of you.

ochako and bakugou, yn and bakugou. your mind had made itself up, it knew which one sounded better—the one where you weren’t included. the two would make sense together, both stunning pro heroes on the way to becoming the top, while you were just an ordinary girl with an ordinary life. clutching at your chest, you give bakugou a weak smile while he waves to you between pictures, blinking away tears you didn’t realise had formed.

“okay,” the shoot director claps, fixing the cape drapes neatly across the blonde’s shoulders. “i want you guys to look at each other; like you’re about to kiss— can you do that? and it’ll be the last shot for the day.”

your heartbeat stops in its tracks while blood rushes through your ears, the sound tuning everything out but that of katsuki’s voice. “i think we can do that.” is all you manage to make out before you jump to your feet and make a dash for the bathroom. you can no longer take being in a room with them both, the insecurities in your mind eating you alive.

you don’t bother to look back when you hear bakugou call your name, you don’t think you can handle seeing them together for a moment more.

“yn, baby...are you in here?”

chewing on your bottom lip, you do your best not to make a sound as the door to the bathrooms slams open so hard it almost hits the next wall. you knew it’d only be a matter of time before bakugou started searching for you, but then again you’d only been hidden away in the toilet cubicle for about fifteen minutes.

without a response, katsuki starts to check each cubicle next— growing more and more desperate by the second. you know he hates seeing you sad, it lifts your heart, only just, to know that the cares but the way you feel can’t be helped and couldn’t be for the longest time. you paw at your cheeks where tears have seared a pathway down them, trying to cover up any evidence of your emotions as your boyfriend approaches your cubicle.

the explosive blonde stops right outside of yours, his boots appearing in your view just underneath the door. “yn, i know you’re in there,” he mumbles simply after attempting to push open the door, voice so quiet you would have missed him if you weren’t hyper aware of his presence. it’s locked, of course. “come out and let’s talk, yeah?” 

“can’t,” you whisper, moving to hug your knees whilst sitting on the toilet seat, as if that’s going to hide you away from the world.

“baby is this about the last shot? i swear i wasn’t thinking about what the director said— just wanted to get us home, you’ve been waiting for me all fuckin’ day...”

you hear bakugou sigh and lean against the door, an attempt to gather his feelings and words before talking again. you hate that you’re so insecure, at no fault of bakugou’s but simply because of your nature— you hate that the way you think could cause such a rift between yourself and the man you love. that’s why you had to do this.

but your lips move before your mind can catch up, whispering the questions that plague your thoughts and make you feel sick to the stomach. “would you have done it? kissed ochako for the shoot if i hadn’t been there?” the raging green of jealousy and fear swirl in the depths of your head, practically swallowing you whole throughout katsuki’s silence. was she prettier than you? did he like her too?

“fuck no... baby, god no—where is all of this coming from?”

you ignore his question and answer with another. “then, are you attracted to her?”

“not in the way that i am to you, yn there’s no one fucking else for me except for you. shit. will you tell me what’s going on now? let me in.” katsuki practically begs through the closed door, you can tell he’s leaning against it from how close he sounds. deep down, you know that everything you say hurts the blonde just as much as it hurts you— you don’t want him to be in pain alone and yet you’re not quite ready to face him. so instead, you slip to the floor and hold your hand out from underneath the door, waiting for your lover to take it. it’s not long before your palm is engulfed by a familiar hold and sense of warmth, and you almost smile at how quickly the pro is to grab your hand. “please come out, honey bear. tell me what you’re feeling. is it ‘cause of the shoot?”

you shake your head once before realising he can’t see you and squeeze his hand instead— milking the silence for a moment more, in order to think. to think about how you’re going to tell your charming,  wonderful, amazing boyfriend that you can’t be his girlfriend anymore. that you’re from two separate worlds, in which his beats you down and makes you feel so insecure that you can’t stand back up without his help. how do you tell him without blaming him? how do you try without hurting him? “it wasn’t the shoot, katsu...” you start, that your voice trembles from the get go. it was never about the shoot. “katsu... you know i love you right?”

“of course, i love you too.” i hope you do.

“then, please understand...” i’m sorry.

“understand what, yn?” that i can’t stay.

“please understand why i can’t be with you anymore.” you breathe, leaning back against the cubicle wall as the sob that’s been building up in your chest finally breaks free.

for a second, you think bakugou will yank his hand away, tell you that he’s relieved and leave you there heart broken but to your surprise; he grabs onto you tighter— pressing himself against the cubicle even more as if he could phase right through and pull you into his arms. “you want to leave me—?” the explosive hero asks more so to himself than to you and you hate to imagine the pained confusion that now sits heavily in his vermillion eyes. “yn, please wait—“

“katsuki,” you cut him off with a heavy sigh and watery eyes, every fibre in your being is telling you not to do this— but for the sake of both you and your lover, you really have no choice. you need to get better, you want to start feeling good about yourself again but to do that you need to let go of him and your relationship so you have room to grow. “baby, i just want you to know that you’ve never done anything to make me insecure about this relationship or about myself; but when it does happen— when i do get insecure...i feel myself begining to break...” you turn your head to press it against the door; feeling bakugou’s warmth radiate through it. “we’re from two different worlds, katsu; and i simply don’t have a place in yours... you’re a pro hero and i’m the quirkless bland girlfriend who can’t be seen with you because of who you are—“

this time, the blonde interjects— slamming his fist against the door so hard that it makes you jump. “then...then fuckin’ be seen with me, i don’t give a crap about what my publicist says. not when you feel like that about yourself,” you see bakugou’s resolve crumbing even when you physically can’t. you don’t know what hurts more. “i need you here, with me, please—“

another squeeze to your hand, another silent plea. “katsuki, i’m so tired of looking down on myself too, i don’t want to feel bad because of the worlds we’re in and who we are but...” you falter as you hear you boyfriend finally crack through the shaky breaths he exhales on the other side. “but, i need to get better, for me, for both of us...i have to let us go.”

silence crackles through the air in the bathroom, heavy with pain unlike the usual comfortable ones you share together— where nothing else matters on the world aside from the love you have together. prying your hand from bakugou’s death grip, you stand up to wipe at your tears stained cheeks and sore eyes before unlocking the door to your cubicle. the blonde sits on the floor opposite you, still in the outfit the stylists had spent ages dressing him in hours before. only this time he’s there with a dark storm cloud sitting heavily over his precious heart.

vermillion eyes find yours, tired and broken beyond belief and you figure that you probably look the same. but still, bakugou smiles and opens his arms out for to ease your way into. “you’ll come back to me, right?” he almost whimpers when you finally relax into his chest, clinging onto his arms as if he’ll disappear. you know he understands, he doesn’t want to see you suffer anymore.

“i always will.”

you don’t know how long you spend holding each other from that moment on, in a quietness that speaks volumes of goodbyes and i love yous. all you know, is that your heart will always belong to katsuki bakugou long after this day; a broken beauty and all.

some more helpful links about recent events:

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