#'why do you think you're evil? because evil is about hurting people who don't deserve it and you only seem to hurt people who do'

[rosemarydisaster]

Something very interesting about Jimmy that I don't see a lot of people mention is how he has actual real problems. He is genuinely being victimized by the capitalist system and the shitty corporation he works for.

I think this is very important. The game doesn't try to sympathize with him at all, he couldn't be less sympathetic unless he kicked a puppy. Then why include it? They could have made him just another entitled asshole with no real problems thinking himself the true victim of life. But they don't.

In fact, in his monologue during the birthday scene he's not only lamenting his luck, he points out how their collective firing will affect Swansea and Anya. He actually speaks more about them than about himself.

I don't think this is a "Jimmy is not that bad actually" moment. I think it's a "Jimmy is human and has actual tangible problems that fuck his life up". This is important because it's so easy to demonize awful people like Jimmy to the point where they stop being human in our eyes. But they are, they are human and they sometimes weirdly care for the people they hurt.

Demonizing bad people is what leads to people like Curly trying to give "one more chance" to their buddies. To not kick them while their down because "They're going through a lot". The point of Jimmy is that you can be having an awful time in life and you can still be an awful person. You can be a victim of your circumstances and also victimize others.

It's so easy to spot assholes when they're rich people with no real excuse or explanation to why they behave like shit. But your friend who is down on his luck, and you know he's not a bad guy you know? He just maybe misunderstood or maybe he's just lashing out...yeah, that friend is an asshole too.

He may deserve a second chance, he may be going through a lot, but that doesn't excuse you for being the worst person ever. It's easy to demonize Jimmy because he is a bad person, he's problems aren't nearly as bad as Anya's or Swansea's, he hurts others and takes no responsibility for it. Even in the end he doesn't acknowledge how he hurt Anya. But let's not forget that his evil is a very human one.

The real lesson isn't "Jimmy bad", the real lesson is being the victim of a really shitty situation doesn't make you a poor martyr angel. You can fuck Up, and usually stressful situation make us fuck Up more. So when you're down is not the time to force everyone to tolerate your bullshit cause you're having a bad time. Other people are also having a bad time, some may be having a worse time than you. You're not entitled to cause harm to others just cause your going through a rough patch.

In life, people aren't assholes just because, they have reasons they tell themselves for acting the way they do. Don't be that person. Be understanding of people's issues, but don't tolerate bad behavior out of empathy or pity. The worst person you know is a pitiable guy that will weaponize his very valid issues to justify foul shit.

[inamindfarfaraway]

Perhaps the funniest League of Legends character interaction that's also highly plausible in-universe, thematically appropriate and emotionally charged is Rell and Veigar teaming up.

They’re both extremely magically strong and skilled. Rell controls metal, a product of the earth from which she can directly rip ore. Veigar draws his celestial magic from the stars.

They both have dark, tragic backstories: because of their magical talent, they were taken into custody by powerful, corrupt Noxian authorities, isolated, abused and forced to use their magic harmfully for a long time, at least relative to their respective lives. This traumatized and broke them so much that they now see inflicting pain as the only thing they’re good at, even capable of. They have no friends. They've never known or have forgotten what it feels like to be loved, joyful or carefree. All they were left with once free was so much guilt and grief and so much power. From that, they have forged new identities - roles to play - built around singular, combative ambitions that they cannot imagine lives or futures beyond. Rell identifies as a gritty, edgy antihero, having noble intentions but using brutal, destructive and downright gruesome methods. Veigar identifies as a villain, but is good at heart despite not comprehending this himself.

They’re both currently roaming around the Noxian countryside in order to find and defeat as many powerful, corrupt Noxian authorities who mistreat people as they can. Rell does this to make the guilty pay for their crimes and liberate and protect the oppressed. Veigar does it to replace the authority and prove that his evil is greater and cooler than theirs, but in practice doesn’t really bother hurting anyone innocent and just ends up making the guilty pay for their crimes and liberating and protecting the oppressed.

They’re both connected to Mordekaiser, and would be primary enemies of him holding personal grudges if his plot about trying to dominate Runeterra is ever developed. Rell was such an important project for the Black Rose because they hoped that she would be able to defeat Mordekaiser. He embodies everything she stands against. Mordekaiser was Veigar’s captor and abuser, responsible for who he is today. Rell can manipulate metal; Veigar wields incredible cosmic magic; and Mordekaiser is a magical suit of armour, so if anyone can finish him off, it’s these two working together.

Rell is practical, pragmatic, cynical and consumed by bloodthirsty, vengeful rage. Veigar clings to and imitates an immature ideal of Villainy, fashioning his outfit after Mordekaiser’s stereotypical fantasy evil overlord aesthetic, his behaviour after all the most theatrical tropes that archetype can be associated with and having very dramatic and flashy magic, but inwardly lacks the cruelty (not to mention dignity) to back that presentation up.

They both want the Noxian people to respect them as a threat. Rell has wanted posters and become widely feared by the elite army less than a year since her escape. Veigar has been ‘conquering’ for centuries and is still not taken seriously.

Their respective magic colours are yellow and purple, and the rest of both of their colour palettes is grey, silver and black.

Everything about Rell is played completely straight. Almost everything about Veigar is played for comedy.

Rell could come across a village that Veigar has seized and accidentally benefitted, like Boleham in his story on the website, and try to challenge him. Or they could both arrive to kill the same tyrannical warlord at the same time. She realizes that he is a) really bad at being bad, b) just a silly little guy and c) an extremely useful asset to her quest.

So she directs him at the Black Rose and they go and utterly fuck Noxis up while helping the downtrodden. There's so much comedy to get out of their contrasting personalities and perspectives. Rell always acts like the protagonist of a grim, action-packed young adult dystopian series and Veigar is standing right next to her emanating campy children's cartoon villain energy; they both think the story is a different genre and the acting and tone should reflect that. This premise is hysterical with the proper execution.

But it isn't just funny! They can genuinely bond and learn, or in Veigar's case remember, what loving and being loved is, and begin to process their trauma and help each other cope with their C-PTSD and be kinder to themselves and have fun and become fulfilled. And then kill Mordekaiser, whose return is one of the subplots. And then live happy, safe, peaceful lives together, because they were never meant for all this violence.

Other subplots besides Mordekaiser include LeBlanc, Rell's mother and the Black Rose's operations; the wider Noxian politics they tie into; Samirah hunting Rell; Annie also wandering around Noxis causing trouble and eventually getting adopted by Rell as a little sister (they deserve it); maybe the story of a Yordle who knew Veigar before and thus can supply some of his backstory that he's forgotten, a 'normal Yordle' foil to him; and generally lots of Noxian and Yordle worldbuilding and lore.

While I'm talking about Veigar, here are my ideas for a redesign of him, because his design is... not that great:

As yordles are generally animalistic or at least furry, he strongly resembles a black cat, with gold eyes with slit pupils and a dark purple nose. Black cats are associated with the supernatural, magical arts and misfortune, they're bad omens to some, but they're also fluffy little babies. He is covered in fur. You want to scratch his checks. You want to kiss his little forehead. He's so adorable and he hates it. His large pointy ears, visible under the brim of his hat, move to signal his emotions for more expressive animation. They both have notches, which help him look pitiable and allude to his past as a prisoner and victim of abuse. He has big 'weathered street cat hissing and growling at you when you try to pet it because it's reflexively afraid of people and shows that through aggression' energy.

@ohnoitstbskyen's idea in his "What's the deal with Veigar?" video that Veigar's face (his cute kitty face!) is never fully in the shadow of his hat despite him trying to look mysterious and ominous is brilliant. He’s very lively, since he acts like a classic cartoon villain who’s so excited and gleeful about being evil, so he has a habit of jostling his hat or lifting his head to reveal his whole face and then hastily pulling the hat back down.

His robe no longer has the spiked metal hem and is of a soft, loose, flowing fabric. It’s dark indigo with silver sparkles all over it like he’s wearing the night sky, in homage to the stars he draws his power from. Except the beautiful pattern is interrupted and partly obscured by a leather belt - not spiked and black, a bolder and more ‘evil’ colour than brown and a Noxian colour - with a tasteless spiky silver buckle that clashes with the stars. I love what TB Skyen said about the armour and spikes working best as a parody of Mordekaiser’s aesthetic, so I want those aspects to look tacked on and out of place. To feel wrong. Inadvertently on Veigar’s part, but deliberately in a meta sense. Between the robe, his big purple wizard hat matching his nose that also makes his body look smaller and cuter and the black cat associations, you’ve got a perfectly good yordle celestial mage design; but the influence of Mordekaiser is intruding on it, corrupting it, even. That is the clear conflict of this design. While the robe is comfortable, the armour doesn’t appear to be. This impression is helped by it all being at least a little oversized, because Noxian armour doesn’t come in yordle size and therefore Veigar has cobbled his together out of scraps he scavenged (I mean, he STOLE, how wicked) and he isn’t really a great blacksmith. His boots aren’t clown shoes or anything, but they’re big enough that his attempt at an imposing villainous stride is awkwardly clunky. They could have black leather straps on them to hold them tighter than their metal fasteners will allow. His spiked pauldrons were cut out of human ones and still jut out too much, one of them having an irregular shape that gives him a dash of Noxian asymmetry and marks him further as a flawed imitation of a fantasy supervillain. The message that he’s incompetent at something and did it anyway out of passion, perhaps not even realizing his mistakes or at least too proud to acknowledge them, makes him come across as comedic and yet an endearingly earnest, hardworking underdog, and adds to the surprise of his genuine incredible cosmic power - he couldn’t learn to smith properly before forging his own armour, but he can command the energy of the stars to smite you? Yeah. That’s Veigar. There’s one silver ring around the base of his hat that has five spikes on it, thick, long and evenly positioned so that from above, they form a star shape. Specifically, an inverted star with one spike pointing directly forward. Symbolism! His belt buckle could also be an inverted star to establish that as a motif of his; it’s spiky, but more personal and iconic than just spikes themselves.

Moving onto Rell... she has her sigils. I don't know why she doesn't in her model or artwork, they're such a crucial part of her character design! Her biography and short story both bring them up. There are even bare sections of her arms, which would only make sense if her sigils were visible in them because it's impractical and she's so averse to vulnerability, but the sigils are missing? What? Why, Riot? So yeah, in my redesign she has sigils right down both her arms. A few more recent ones are on her back (symbolic of her betrayal by her family, the Black Rose and the government). They're always hidden, even in her lighter armour on horseback, as she's deeply uncomfortable around the concept of being exposed and seeing them herself. We and Veigar only see them in dramatic character exploration scenes when a) she feels safe enough to take her armour off, b) she needs to due to injury or to hide her identity or c) someone else damages or removes her armour. Taking TB Skyen's advice again, her outer armour and therefore horse are spikier and less polished and regular, products of her undiluted heartbroken rage in the moment she destroyed the academy. They're highly distinctive, almost organic-feeling and definitely don't look like the work of a smith.

[jytan2018]

I read the comic in one sitting less than an hour after finishing the movie, and wow I have many Thoughts™.

- It's very obvious the two versions were meant to cater to different audiences AND tell different messages. I don't get why people are going "But the comic was better! It had more nuance!" just because Nimona was easier to root for in the movie.

- The comic was written back when ND Stevenson was still trying to process a lot of stuff, so all the characters are morally grey/straight up evil and the climactic battle is between a Ballister who regrets turning against Nimona, even if it was to save others vs. a Nimona who's too hurt to care if her lashing out was going to hurt innocent people.

- By the time Nimona got a movie adaptation, ND was a lot more secure in his sexuality, so the climactic battle was Nimona vs. the Director, the symbol of religious oppression and bigotry. It's not just about your friends turning on you because you're "too much" for them anymore, it's also about a society that would rather bring itself to the brink of ruin than coexist with you.

- (I totally get why people were upset about Ballister's surname change, though. Like come on, the media dubbing him Blackheart just to be mean was RIGHT THERE).

- Nimona's metaphor for not shifting is such a neurodivergent thing. Even in the comic, Nimona's parents insisting she's a monster who replaced their daughter is reminiscent of the changeling myth, which is what many parents thought their neurodivergent kids were—changelings who replaced their "real" children.

- Ambrosius being trained to cut off HIS BOYFRIEND'S WHOLE FUCKING ARM instead of merely disarming him is a very cop thing to do. As much as cops claim they're trained to de-escalate situations, their training still teaches them to treat everyone as a potential threat, and that level of constant vigilance can turn anyone into a trigger-happy/arm-choppy bastard. Even the Director, who can use a sword but probably hasn't actually fought someone in ages, STILL can't see Ballister reaching for the squire's phone without assuming he has a weapon.

- And on that note, the Queen getting killed simply because she was trying to reform the Institution and allow commoners to become knights? That's the best "no such thing as a good cop" metaphor I've seen. Because even if there ARE good cops and they ARE in leadership positions, the system will crush them before they make any meaningful change. It's not a good institution that turned rotten, it's an institution that only exists to spread its rot and refuses to be good.

- That's why Ballister's characterisation is so different in the movie vs. the comic. Comic Ballister had 15 years to come to terms with his trauma and the Institution's evildoing, while Movie Ballister is still freshly traumatised and hasn't found a way to define himself beyond the role he was assigned by the Institution.

- Not to mention Comic Ambrosius was not very noble to begin with and genuinely believed Ballister was better suited to villainy than heroism, while Movie Ambrosius never wanted the glory that came with his lineage in the first place and only antagonised Ballister because of indoctrination he needed to unlearn (which he did, all by himself, after witnessing the lengths the Director will go to just to kill Nimona).

- It really shows how important it is to surround yourself with loved ones who are open to change. Comic Ambrosius can love Ballister all he wants, but he'll still blast his arm off because he thinks Ballister deserved it anyway. Movie Ambrosius will stop to question what "the right thing" even means, even if he didn't love Ballister enough to defend him unconditionally.

I have so many more thoughts bubbling beneath the surface, but I'll probably address them some other day. In conclusion:

[ID: A pink-haired Nimona grinning evilly while holding up a knife.]

Watch Nimona. This is not a request.

Edit: Added more thoughts!

[the-modern-typewriter]

Hi there!ever since I saw you when I first installed tumblr it just keeps getting better. I was wondering if you can write something about a hero being the sucess of a lab and the villain being a failure(Bonus if the lab is actually evil) Don't feel pressured to do this though😗

"Do you know why I'm considered the success, instead of the failure like you?" the hero asked.

The villain sneered at them. They yanked and thrashed and struggled against the shimmering containment that wrapped around them, warping like a net from the hero's outstretched fingers, forcing them down against the cold concrete.

"Because you're a good, obedient little hero?"

The hero couldn't keep the damn trap up forever!

"Yes."

The simple response, the tone, startled the villain enough that they went temporarily still. Maybe that was the ploy. They stared at the hero through the hazy sheen of their powers, mockery draining from their face, panting for breath.

The hero had many things that the villain didn't: a body that wasn't screwed up, powers that weren't prone to out-of-control devastation, a generally sweet and more palatable disposition when it came to public relations.

And, of course, they did what they were told. The villain had never properly thought about that.

"It was their most important addition, after you...you know," the hero said, studying them. "The ability to control their experiments. To make sure that nothing like you would happen again."

A bad taste slowly flooded the villain's mouth. They shook their head.

The hero stepped forward, crouching down in front of the villain, on the other side of the containment wall. Up close, the villain got a good look at the vein snaking up the hero's wrist. The blood was just slightly the wrong colour; it made them look gorgeously healthy, radiant, compared to the sickly pallor the villain couldn't quite shake.

"If I stop taking the serum for my powers, I die," the hero said, keeping their voice light. "Quite horribly. But while the serum is in my system, I'm not in control. Not really. Everything I do is monitored. If I stray too far out..." The hero grimaced.

"Why are you telling me this?" the villain whispered.

"Because I can't do anything about it. I can't do anything about them. I signed up to do something good, to make the world better, and I..." The hero squeezed their eyes shut. "Well. I'm going to try and drag you back to them, aren't I? I'm going to hand you over to the people who hurt you, and then I'm going to make a speech telling everyone what a terrible, awful monster you are as if they don't deserve everything you give them. I'll smile while I'm doing it too."

The villain swallowed. They strained to press a hand up against the wall, but it only forced them back down against the ground harder. The villain's breath knocked out of them.

The hero winced. "Sorry."

"Isn't it better to be dead?"

"You didn't think so when you ran."

No. Maybe that had been an unfair question to ask. Still, the fury and the helplessness of it seared through the villain because ShieldCorp - they were going to get away with it. All of the others were dead! Even if they managed to expose what was really happening, ShieldCorp had the hero.

"I wanted to do something good too," the villain said, hollow. "It's not your fault they took advantage of that."

The hero shrugged. Their hand stayed perfectly steady.

"Are they listening to us now?"

"Probably."

"They'll be angry with you."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Me telling you this doesn't change anything, does it?"

"I thought you were like them. I hated you. It changes that."

The hero smiled, or something like it. It was too fragile, too wobbly, too shattered a thing compared to the beautiful thing they tossed out to the masses at every public appearance.

"I want to destroy them," the hero said. "But, when I let this force field drop so I can take you in properly, I'm going to need your help to do that. How are your powers feeling today?"

"Like I'm going to burn down the world."

The hero nodded, just once, and rose again. Silhouetted against the skyline, they looked unstoppable.

"Excellent," the hero said. "On the count of three, start with me."

The villain was ready when the containment dropped.

ShieldCorp was not.

[kathrahender]

Some people always get angry when a villain is redeemed. They say things like "Stop redeeming the villain" "Villain redemption is such a terrible trope" "Not all villains deserve redemption" "Villains redemption are ruining media" "You are afraid of villanous characters because you can't bear people making mistakes" "Villain redemption is toxic/unhealthy" "You shouldn't try to fix someone!" and- Well- I have to talk about this because I seriously don't understand why people don't want to accept villains redemption.

"Villain redemption is such a terrible trope" "Villains redemption are ruining media". No, it's not a bad trope. Is not ruining media. It's an awesome trope, a wholesome trope, and I'm gonna say why. A villain redemption means nothing more than a person realizing they did bad things. It means a villain becoming a better person, a villain leaving the Dark Side because humanity and honor were more important than evilness and cruelty for them. And that's a beautiful concept. A villain becoming good? A villain who stops being bad because after all, they have a good side, because they are human? Where's the bad thing there? Where's the bad thing in realizing how much pain you've caused, and changing your morals for good? Seriously, people who hate villains redemption, where's the problem in this trope?

"Not all villains deserve redemption". Again with this tiring argument. When will you understand it? A villain redemption is not based on if they deserve it or not. It's based on the villain himself. It's based on their thoughts, on their morals. It's based on them changing from "I want to hurt/kill everyone who is against me" to "Oh God I'm a monster, what have I done?". Villains don't "deserve" redemption. They just redeem, or they don't, and it has nothing to do with "deserving" it. Some of you could think "Not all villains should be redeemed then!". I will talk about that argument in the last paragraph.

"You are afraid of villanous characters because you can't bear people making mistakes". That's definitely not true. That's bullshit. We're not afraid of people making mistakes. If that was true, we would be afraid of a hero making mistakes. And we aren't afraid of heroes who make mistakes. Because making mistakes makes you human. But- realizing you made a mistake also makes you human. That's what we like about this trope. A bad person, a villain or an anti-villain being actually human deep down.

"Villain redemption is toxic/unhealthy!" Actually- you know what's actually toxic? Hate. Hate is actually toxic. Hating someone is unhealthy. Of all the things you can do in your life, hating someone is the worst thing you can do. Why losing time hating when you can do better things for your heart and for your soul? Because the only thing you will get with hate is your heart/soul corrupted. A villain redeemed is not toxic nor unhealthy. Why a person changing for the better would be toxic or unhealthy?

"You shouldn't try to fix someone". Why? Why shouldn't I try to fix someone? Why shouldn't I want a bad person to turn good? Why shouldn't I want a villain becoming a hero? Why should I want the hate in this world to grow? Why should I want evilness to win? What you're saying doesn't make any sense. I want to fix villains because I believe in goodness! Because I want the good side to win! I want people having a happy ending, and the only way a villain can get a happy ending is being redeemed. And I want the villains to have a happy ending too because dying or getting tortured/being imprisioned after being suffering in your past is horrible. Yeah, I know villains hurt people, but some of them also were hurt, and although I don't justify them, I still want their pain to end and I want them to live, not just survive. I want them to change for the good, why is that so bad?

And even if they were "born evil" (what I doubt because for me villains are made not born) and "didn't suffered"- I want them to have a happy ending after redeeming because I want to believe in their goodness, in their humanity, and I don't want them to die because I think they also deserve a second chance in life and a chance to be happy (because if you can't be happy in this life, what's even the point?).

"But why would you want a villain having a happy ending after all they did????" Because I don't want them to suffer. "They made other people suffer, why would you want them to have a happy ending?" Because I believe no one deserves to have a bad ending in life. "So you defend the monsters in real life??? You support the real killers?? You are a murder apologist!!" Now hold on a fucking second. There's a fucking difference between liking a villain in fiction and want them to have a happy ending and want the real life villains to have a happy ending. Fiction is not fucking reality and you should know that. I want villains in fiction to redeem because I want to believe in their goodness, because I want to believe everyone is capable of being good, because I want to believe love and goodness can conquer all. Because I want to believe that no matter what, the good side will always win. Besides, most of the villains live in magic worlds, where sometimes death is not permanent, where you can see your loved ones even if it's not for a long time. And in fiction time-travel also exist. None of these things happen in reality. There's no magic, there's no time turner who can help you travel back in time to erase the villain's actions, there aren't Force Ghosts of your family or friends. Real life villains' actions are irrevocable and unforgivable. You can't bring back the dead because in this world once a person dies, that's the end of the line. But that doesn't happen in fiction. So stop comparing a real life villain actions with a fictional villain actions. They're not the same.

To end this post I want to say that the ones who like villains redemption (I'm a part of those people, of course) don't want all villains to be redeemed. There are villains we hate with all our heart, villains who are pure evil who doesn't deserve anything good. Villains like Gerard Argent, Dolores Umbridge, Sheev Palpatine, Captain Turner, Sebastian Shaw and Azulon. And more villains like those. So yeah, we do not want to see every villain redeemed.

[ambers-archive]

how did it end?

"he took me out my box, stole my tortured heart. left all these broken parts." or 4 times spencer runs and 1 time he doesn't

“hey ang-uhm..you know i really like you. as you know i really struggle to open up with others as i haven’t found anyone to bond with in awhile. but i-i just don’t think this is it for me and i’m so sorry. i feel like we are on different paths in our life and i really need someone who has their life together. not necessarily figured out. but together. i wish i didn't waste your time like this, and i know what i'm saying is hurtful, but i wanted to be honest with you. i’m so sorry for wasting your time. i’ll miss you. bye”

you’re barely able to make it through the first minute, shaky hands hold your phone as you hover over his contact.

a picture of him kissing your cheek faces back at you.

it’s like a slap in the face.

“can we talk about this properly.” you manage to type through your blurry vision and shaky fingers.

white dots stare back at you, but they disappear as soon as they appear.

a series of gut wrenching shallow breaths overtake you as you crumble onto the floor, glad that no one is here to see you fall apart. 

you pray this is a nightmare. this isn’t like him, not at all.

the memory of the other night suffocates  you—the tender touches, the lingering warmth, the whispered you're beautiful, the stolen kisses—only for him to turn around and tell you you’re better off.

and after what feels like an eternity, a chime finally interrupts your thoughts

“of course” spencer echoes back only for the words to plunge a knife deeper into your wound.

another chime. it was the one you had only for him.

“i would have liked to do that in person.”

then why didn’t you? you want to say back.

only streams of your confusion talk back though.

“who just has sex with a girl? only to dump her a day later?” you type back. 

you’re waiting again, this is not funny you whisper to yourself.

“i wish it wasn’t right after. and i wish there was a way for me to prove sex wasn’t all i was after. if you want honesty then the sex didn’t help. what should i have done? waited to end things after? that’s even more evil to do in my opinion. i should have driven to see you, but i knew i wouldn't be able to say it once i saw you."

would've could've should've

and all you can ask yourself is,

‘did you really think it would be different this time?’

‘did you really think the prophecy wouldn’t come true?’ 

as if you forgot your faith was sealed, a curse meant for you to endure.

you want to beg, beg him to change his mind.

get on your knees like an infant, curse him or plead with the universe, even to god, anyone willing to listen. 

because this can’t be happening.

“please don’t do this” you type out.

delete.

“let’s talk about it.”

delete.

“i thought it would be different this time.”

delete. 

despite your pleas you know you can't force love.

the love that's meant for you isn't earned it's given. so with what little vision you have, you start typing back. 

"i can say millions of things, i can tell you not to prepare for the end of something you haven't given a fair chance to. i can say let's talk it out and find a solution. i can ask you to find some perspective and to not give up on us. but with everything i can't make you love me. love isn't earned. whatever happens i know it's for the better."

send. 

you already know what your friends are going to tell you. 

"he didn't deserve you"

"his loss"

rather than reassurance it's a mirror staring back. a reflection of all you've lost. you're so used to things ending you know exactly what to say. 

your friends are so used it ending "his loss" is now etched between your group. a swirl of repetition, of being put back on your shelf.

like a toy they return when the tricks don't work anymore. 

"it gets better." your mom tells you. "everything happens for a reason, forget about him." 

but he was my best friend you want to say.

just when you think things will last, that people will stay, the universe shows you once again that all love does, at least for you, is break and burn.

[aingeal98]

I think there's a misconception among some fans who mostly get their characterisation from ao3, that the reason Cass and Jason wouldn't get along is that Jason kills people and Cass hates murderers. And like. You're 50% right but the key context being ignored is that Cass would literally fight to defend the right of a serial killer to live and change like she believes desperately in second chances no matter how far gone the killer is. She'll knock a man out and break his hand so that he can never shoot and kill someone again but if she sees someone feel bad about their kill or even like. Hesitate to hurt a child. She is all over that like she will fight the world just to save this one kind of shitty assassin and give them a second chance at life where they can do better.

Whereas Jason believes that sometimes there are bad people that are simply too far gone, too much of a force of evil hurting and draining actual innocents. And the best way to deal with scumbags like that is a bullet. He feels that some people don't deserve to live, and he's comfortable ending their lives. Judge, jury and executioner. Because no one else is going to kill these people and they deserve to die so that they can never hurt any victims again.

Of course all of this is kind of irrelevant in current canon since dc basically skipped over the reconciliation and development and went yeah Jason is a batfam member and he doesn't kill anymore. So currently in canon none of this conflict of ideals is likely to be addressed. But a lot of people are interested in writing fics that actually detail the steps of reconciliation which is great and I love those fics. I've just also noticed a trend of fumbling a little when it comes to Cass.

Because the root cause as to why they wouldn't get along is not just because Jason kills people. If Jason was a random crime lord Cass would probably try to help him get free of Gotham and start over somewhere else. Killing people and having conflicting emotions about it is the easiest way to get Cass willing to be your number one sponsor at murderer rehabilitation anonymous. It's Jason being someone personal to the family, and someone who believes that some deaths need to happen, as long as the person is sufficiently repulsive enough to Jason. Or even just as a means to an end to prove a larger point, if they're pathetic and evil enough. That's what would make Cass see red, because she projects herself on every single killer and Jason dismissing the possibility of redemption for them, writing them off as deserving of death, clashes fundamentally with not just everything Cass believes in, but also her whole sense of self. Of course it's not that deep for Jason like he's not going to believe Cass should die because she killed someone as a child. But for Cass is simply IS that deep and you throw in the fact that they're both Bruce's kids and yeah. They can maybe be civil in a room together with the family right up until one of them actually talks. Because like 99% of what they could say is guaranteed to touch a nerve for the other.

It's like: Damian says something hilarious and rude towards Jason and Jason jokes about that time he shot him and Cass immediately connects that with him not feeling bad about shooting Damian and starts grilling him as to why. Because Damian's Bruce's son? Or because he's a killer? Or just to get to the rest of the family? And Dick, Duke and Tim are so tired like Alfred cooked a nice meal can we all just eat pie for one night without having to listen to you two go at it.

Tim: I've literally shot you before do you think maybe we can cool it on fighting about Jason's personal ethics tonight. Because generally that ends with me in pain even if I do nothing but sit here.

Cass: You shot me with consent. Different.

Jason: How are you even more obnoxious than Bruce? Do you ever get tired of being so exhausting to be around with your bullshit righteousness?

Cass: If you're tired I can knock you out. Nice nap for you and fun for me.

Dick: And that's ten minutes in a room together before any threats of physical harm start flying around! Great job you two, a new personal record.

[akechi-stole-my-heart]

i wish we as a fandom explored more of the detective side of akechi's character. what it must to do his psyche to get famous by solving cases he caused. i imagine, at first, before the detective prince, that there was a distance between himself and his victims. he watched the consequences of driving shadows mad from afar, through the news or whathaveyou, but it's not personal. the chaos has nothing to do with him. he doesn't have to think about it beyond that point.

but then, having your entire job be centered around the direct consequences of your actions. actively pointing the finger away from yourself and at others. going to the actual crime scenes and witnessing the fallout yourself. it's suddenly so very real and visceral and this is your fault.

it isn't, of course. no, these people were corrupt. all you did is make them express their inner darkness to the world. in fact, it's a good thing, because now their crimes have been exposed to the world. you're bringing justice. the proof of it is in every case you solve.

but the victims are still there. every day, you face people that were hurt. because of you.

society deserves it, of course. they all deserve it. they're all corrupt, all just as evil as you, at the end of the day. so who cares.

you go to work. you are assigned yet another case. a murder, this time. someone is dead, because a man lost control and snapped. because you pushed his shadow over the brink. he'll be behind bars within days. and that person will still be dead.

you solve the case. you already know who did it, and why. that shadow was rather talkative about his hatred for his boss, who did seem rather maniacal from the things that shadow said. he probably deserved it. don't they all deserve it? it's so simple, so easy, to build a career on lies. all fake. a façade. you're a hero. a genius. they all praise you for putting an evil man behind bars, while you walk free, dragging invisible chains behind you with each step. weighed down by all the people they all say you saved.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Neurotypicals: "People who don't obey the police deserve to die."

Neurotypicals: "Capitalism is the best economic system because selfishness is human nature. Any attempt to enforce compassion for others is tyranny."

Neurotypicals: "If you're not useful to the profits of the ruling class, you should be left to die."

Neurotypicals: "Children who talk back to their parents deserve an ass whooping. I insist that hitting children is good for them even though every study on it (and basic common sense) says that it's not. Anyone who calls me a child abuser is rude."

Neurotypicals: "I have every right to yell at my children, and they're disrespectful if they yell back."

Neurotypicals: "How dare the working class form unions!"

Neurotypicals: "Some jobs shouldn't pay a living wage."

Neurotypicals: "People in debt from student loans deserve it."

Neurotypicals: "Discrimination against people of color, disabled people, women, LGBT people doesn't exist anymore."

Neurotypicals: "If they worked hard and stopped being lazy, they wouldn't be poor."

Neurotypicals: "I'm a nice guy. Women don't like me because women don't like nice guys."

Neurotypicals: "My children, who I regularly hit, berated, and controlled in every way want nothing to do with me. Where did I go wrong?"

Neurotypicals: "I label LGBT people as predators even though I'm the one who wants to force child rape victims to give birth to their rapist's baby."

Narcissists: (exist)

Neurotypicals: "HOW DARE YOU! YOU'RE SO EVIL! PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE SELFISH! PEOPLE LIKE YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE DOING SOMETHING FOR YOU! PEOPLE LIKE YOU GASLIGHT! PEOPLE LIKE YOU PROJECT YOUR BAD QUALITIES ONTO OTHERS! PEOPLE LIKE YOU HURT OTHERS AND WONDER WHY THE PEOPLE YOU HURT ARE ANGRY! PEOPLE LIKE YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT POWER AND LASH OUT AT ANYONE WHO PRESENTS YOU WITH FACTS! PEOPLE LIKE YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING WRONGED WHEN THE PEOPLE YOU HURT START FIGHTING BACK! IT'S HUMAN NATURE TO CARE ABOUT OTHERS AND YOUR LACK OF EMPATHY MAKES YOU SUBHUMAN!"

[foreverautumn89]

@miwiromantics

Also can I just say that I hate the anti-Jonathan fans with a passion because they're awful people in general? And they like seriously remind me of the townspeople of Hawkins? Like exactly like them? They are them and its so funny they don't even realize how they act exactly like them but they hate the Hawkins townspeople. And Jonathan is their Eddie Munson. Think about it. They don't understand him. They don't try to. They believe lies others have made up about him even though the truth is right in front of them. They make him out to be a monster when really hes a hero and been a good guy all along. They ignore all the goods hes done, but hyper focus on bad things hes done. Bad things btw that they've spun their own narrative on.

But back to Jonathan and the anti-Jonathan ppl specifically: They care only about looks and appearances and no matter how horrible you are and how many bad things you've done, if you're hot enough to them, you're forgiven automatically-no matter how awful you were. Actually in some cases they even claim that the character in question never did anything wrong to begin with even though its clearly not true. Meanwhile, Jonathan who has been a good guy all his life and did one thing wrong that they make out to be something it wasn't, is evil and a monster and worse than Vecna a serial killing child abuser. And in fact-they even like Vecna. Talking about how hot he is and justifying his actions because ''his mom was mean to him''. They even defend VECNA over Jonathan. VECNA. Because why? Because hes hot and hes sexy and powerful. But Jonathan? eww.

They support Jonathan's abuse. They support him being abused by his father as a child and being locked in a trunk and thrown around. Saying he deserved much worse. They support Joyce treating him badly and think she should be worse to him. They justify him being bullied and tortured by people and claim his bully was the victim in it. They take the sides of people who have tortured him in the past. They make up lies about him to make him look like a monster. Things they know not to be true. And then back each other up on it even though we ALL saw what really happened. They have said he is worse than Vecna multiple times said he's worse than a child abusing serial killer.

Let's not forget Jonathan was abused and bullied and tortured all his life and those people have said many times that he deserves a lot worse. Cheering on his death. Cheering on Vecna torturing him and doing horrible things to him. Cheering on the idea of people hurting this abused tortured child even worse. Making up fanfiction to satisfy their desire to see him 'put in his place' and making the other characters like Nancy and the kids and everyone be their mouth pieces.

Why are we begging for those people to come to our side again? Even if they did realize that Jonathan wasn't the monster they paint him to be and start attacking other characters instead-I don't want that. i don't want people like that over here on Jonathan's side and I have to interact with people like that and then they're making other characters out to be monsters so we Jonathan fans look like trash. Hell to the no. They can stay in their own filth. I dont want them around me. It's bad enough we're already in the same fanbase thats close enough for me thank you.

And I don't want to hear from anybody else reading this Damn its just a show they're just characters. I get that. The issue is these peoples mentality. Jonathan is a character, but the people in their real lives are not. They look at a bullied abuse victim and can't see any good in him only see the bad and make up bad things about him and treat it as the truth so they can justify their cruelty. They make up lies to justify hating him and wanting to see him abused-they're this vile to a *fictional* character imagine how they treat abuse/bullied victims in real life.

[dapper-lil-arts]

You know, everytime I see an argument about rather or not Cozy Glow deserved a redemption arc, I always remember that the only reason Discord got one is because Celestia claimed that she had use for his power. And yet I can't think of a time when his powers were actually put to use to help all of Equestria until we got this in the season 9 premiere:

Discord: Listen to me. You don't need me. You don't need the princesses, and you certainly don't need the Elements. Fluttershy, you will always be kind. Applejack, you will always be honest. Rarity, you'll always be generous. And Rainbow Dash will be loyal as can be. Pinkie will always bring laughter wherever she goes. And Twilight you are and always will be the embodiment of magic. You lost sight of what's in front of you. You're here, together, willing to give everything you've got for Equestria. Nothing and nopony can ever take that away from you, because that's who you are.

Of course his speech was bs considering what he was doing behind the scenes throughout season 9. Anyway, Cozy Glow definitely deserved better.

watching that episode pisses me off in retrospect because he put sombra there. He set everything up and hurt so many people and he was the only person that wasn't in danger, all for some kind of rehearsed speech that is pointless when twilight's friends die of old age.

And knowing that he actually influenced and tricked Cozy Glow, yknow, a kid, into becoming worse and more evil n shit all for the sake of giving twilight a final boss?

I have no goddamn clue what the writers were thinking but jeez its weird!!!! Like, the most ironic thing is that they could have maintained the entire finale, if they only changed Discords motivation. Like, hear me out: he's a reformed villan, he knows he can change. So why wouldn't they want to help others change too? what if he tried getting those 3 bad guys to be friends just so they'd see what theyre missing out on and try to be better? You immediately make it so that he had good intentions and made a mistake

but nope! goddamn he just did everything because he WANTED insane chaos and dreadful stakes because the show needed a final boss!!! THATS WEIRD I digress, those final seasons be the final seasons. Twilight shouldn't have been a solo ruler, yall know my stance.

[eldritchcreatureofwords]

So, About the Original Look my Way

-and why it's a heel-face-turn villain redemption song. What the fuck, you ask? Oh, please, let me ramble. Drop everything you know about Our Stolas for a second. Blank slate. So, originally, Stolas was a villain. The entire reason that he became a protagonist was that Vivz and Bryce thought he and Blitz would make a cute couple, and he was re-voiced and re-worked into the Stolas we know and love. So take that into consideration listening to the original Just Look My Way, particularly with it's lyrics. "My little imp, why must you be so...difficult?" This is not a loving or affectionate statement. This is pure frustration and annoyance; not to mention the ownership and lack of personalization in the phrasing. It's a possessive diminutive. He also refers to Blitz as Blitzy at the end of this monologue, a nickname Blitz openly dislikes and expresses annoyance over (this song came out around Harvest Moon Festival/Truth seekers, so that would have been a Known Thing by the fandom at the time.) 'Come now, my little impish plaything, we've both made our choice.' This is someone trying to talk sense into someone else. You knew what you were getting into, you chose this, you chose me, stop being a pain in the ass and do/give me what I want. Stop being hard to understand and frustrating. Again with the diminutives, too- 'little', 'plaything'. 'My'. Possessive. He's frustrated, upset, and confused; trying to talk sense into 'his little imp' who is refusing to give him what he wants. 'I can give you what you need'- I can give you anything, everything, just let me. Then we get to the middle of the song. He's breathless, confused, and angry. Just say it, Blitzy, I deserve that at least, don't I? Entitled and demanding, even angry, though it's born of frustration and confusion. And it leads to the abrupt, jarring realization. The heel-face-turn. This unspoken contract

A deed we forged for mutual gain

If that's all this was when you're not here

What is this rooted pain? And here we go. He's not felt like this before, not for or with anyone- save maybe Octavia- and now there's a twisting in his chest, a knot in his stomach, a longing and an ache and nothing he does fixes it. Gets rid of it. He wants, he hurts, and that's new and confusing. 'Cause I'm terrified. He's feeling feelings. This is probably as scary for him as it is Blitz, because quite frankly he's also been taught that being anything other then a perfect model Goetia, controlled and cold and better then anyone and everyone around them, is not ok.

Unless it's me?... A real-time-realization that he's been a prick. That he's abandoned his daughter in favor of this situationship and his own pleasure. That he's treated Blitz like a toy and a favored pawn. That he's been missing a lot, so wrapped up is he in his own desires, thoughts, and wants. And no matter what in this world I can give

It's not enough to get through the walls you conjured up to live Is this how she'd feel?

Finally, finally, stepping outside his own head and connecting to the fact that he's been making other people- not just Blitz- feel like shit. The face-turn part. I have to do better. I have to be better. Abandoned all alone and left to fend For herself? For some semblance of happiness that doesn't have to end? He's still a sad, lonely figure, and he knows what it feels like to feel cold, alone, uncared for. And he's made Octavia feel that way. He's fucked up royally, no pun intended. I will try to make amends. And there it is. He has, in real time, realized that he's been a selfish prick and also that he's gone and fallen head-over-heels for this little imp he's in this little transactional fuck with, and he's got some 'splanin to do to both of them. I think this Stolas is 'canon/relevant' up to Truthseekers; at least to some degree. Obviously he hasn't been 'evil' or a villain since the pilot, but I do think some of this mentality is still with him until that point. In our, official Look My Way, he's already grown- he doesn't need to have a real time realization of anything because he's already realized it. The official Look My Way is a far more traditional I love you and I want to make my mistakes right song, because he's already realized he made mistakes and cares about Blitz. Anyway, I don't really know how to end this rant so, uh, that's it, I guess. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk?

[levis-nut-dump]

~Iris~

(Description:Pregnant Reader is sick tw: death)

You've been sick for a while. You haven't been to a single scout meeting in the last three weeks. Honestly, you would just lay in bed and ride it out or go to the meetings anyway if Eren wasn't such a worrywort. Because of this, you agreed to go see Hange to find out what's going on.

"Seriously Eren. I'll go alone you just go to the meeting it could be important." you insisted.

"Not more important than you. I can skip it."

You sighed. "The titan shifter with the attack, founder, and armored titan skipping a meeting in the middle of a war? Eren be serious."

Eren looked down. "Do you not want me to go?" he asked sadly.

You froze. "It's not that of course not! I just think it's important that you don't miss out on any meetings. They're just starting to trust you again Eren. If you go missing from a meeting who knows what thoughts they'll get in their head." You were right. The suspicion on Eren is finally starting to lift and people are starting to understand the reasoning behind his actions. He was gaining trust, and you didn't want one doctor's appointment to ruin that. It's bad enough that Hange was insistent about skipping the meeting to see you.

Eren sighed. "You let me know everything Hange says when I get back. Or when you get back. If you're not here when I get back I'm heading over there because it shouldn't take longer-"

"Eren. I'll be ok." you softly laughed. Since five months ago, Eren's grown a lot softer from the serious 'no bullshit' man he was. He was terrifying and showed no remorse. One one-night stand and pregnancy test later, he can't seem to stand the thought of being away from you, worried something will happen to you and your baby.

You've known Eren since you were kids. Just thirteen. Then the war started and he grew cold. You don't know how it happened that night, but you never regretted it. You've always found him rather attractive and now you're both nineteen, pregnant, and living together. When the war is over, the two of you are to be married. So young and your lives are coming together; Which is why it's so important to Eren that you stay safe.

Eren crouched down and kissed your stomach then got back up and kissed your forehead. "Eren I'm hardly showing." you laugh.

"I know, but she's still in there. Growing. Being." Eren smiled softly.

"She? This again?" you giggle.

Eren grinned. "It's a girl. I can feel it. Her name will be Iris."

You laughed. "Alright, you're gonna be late. Go." you softly push Eren out the door.

"I'll come straight home to you two. I promise." he said. You simply nod and wave as Eren walks out the door. He turns around, runs to you, and kisses your lips, softly grabbing your face. "I know this is soon. Everything is happening so fast but, I love you (Y/N). I'm gonna take care of you two. I'm going to be a better man because you deserve better."

You kissed his nose. "Eren. I'm so proud of you. Iris, will be proud." You say the name just to humor him but you know it's a boy and his name will be James.

Eren left for the meeting and you left for your doctor's appointment with Hange. You lay on the bed chatting with Hange as she and Onyonkopon prep you for your ultrasound. The latest technology available to you on Paradis thanks to Eren, but people hardly thank him for that.

"So house living with the titan shifter?"

"He has a name, Onyonkopon." Hange laughed rubbing the jelly on my stomach.

"It's nice living with Eren. I feel safe there." you answered.

"I love that kid since he was, well, a kid, but he's gotten a hard exterior on him now. You feel safe around him?" Hange asked.

"He's really softened up since we found out I was pregnant. He said he loved me this morning."

Hange's eyes went wide. "W-what did you say?"

You blushed. "That I was proud of him..."

Onyonkopon cringed. "As a man, that hurt."

"I love him I do! He's just been so much of a like, evil villain, that it caught me off guard. I'm gonna tell him tonight." you smile to yourself.

Onyonkpon rolls the machine in and Hange gets started. All three of you look at the machine but only two understand what they're looking at. Both Hange and Onyonkopon's faces drop.

You look at them and your face drops too. "W-what is it?" you ask.

After a couple more minutes of Hange moving around the microphone-like thing in silence, she sighed and wiped the jelly off your tummy. Onyonkopon sat you up. "I'll give you two some privacy."

*Hours Later*

You hear the door open and your nerves do flips. You stand up as Eren walks into the living room, taking off his jacket. "I came as soon as it ended like I promised." he said with a smile.

"Yeah." you weakly grin.

"S-so what's the news? Why have you been sick?" he asks noticing your mood was off.

"W-we lost the baby Eren. She's gone." you say.

Eren makes his way to you and holds your face in his hands. He stares at you with what looks like rage, but when he wraps his arms around you and buries his face into your neck you realize it was him trying not to cry. "Are you ok?" he asks you, still buried in your neck.

"No. I feel like a failure as a mother before I even got to meet her."

Eren lifted his head and looked into your eyes. "You are not a failure (Y/N). You created a person and carried it for five months. Maybe it was stress we're in the middle of a war. Malnutrition also because of the war. It's the timing, not you." he reassured you through tears. He paused. "D-did you say her?" he asked.

Shit. You didn't want to tell him Hange told you the gender today. It makes this a whole lot harder for him. "Y-yes. It was a girl Eren." you say sadly.

Eren drops to his knees and sobs. You hold his head as he cries into your thighs. He was so exicited to be a dad. More excited about this baby than you were, and you took it away from him.

You stare blankly into the wall as Eren continues to cry. He grabs your hand. "It's not your fault. I still love you this doesn't change anything. We need each other more than anything right now. I know I've been a monster. I know I've done unforgivable things but I'll still be a better man for you. Just don't go."

"Eren, the baby isn't the only reason I stayed. I love you, and you're right. We need each other more than ever right now. I'm not going anywhere." you reassure him.

Eren gets up and looks into your watery eyes with his before he kisses you long and hard. "Thank you (Y/N)." he said.

"For what?"

"For saving me."

"Iris did, not me."

"No, you did."

[skaruresonic]

https://www.tumblr.com/skaruresonic/758528409170313216/yes-woolie-you-can-win-any-argument-if-you-just

I want to point this it. The person defending the comic unknowingly completely eradicated any ground their argument could have stood on.

"Criminals don't deserve to be free if they're gonna hurt people"

Then why does IDW Sonic keep letting his villains run off scott free when he himself acknowledges that they're gonna continue being evil and hurting innocents?

The single real and true answer is that this comic has abysmal writing. But stans don't want to accept that. They'd rather make up increasingly baffling conspiracy theories.

Exactly. It gets even worse when you realize Sonic presents himself as an arbiter of freedom: he wants people to do what they want, as long as it's the "right choice."

He is the one who decides what is right. He may not explicitly come right out and say so, but that is what he says through his words and his actions. And rather than accept the notion that some people will choose something other than what he wants, he'll punish you by chewing you out or beating you up, despite any mitigating circumstances, such as Surge's abuse at Starline's hands or Metal Sonic and Eggman TELLING HIM THE KILLER ROBOT HAS NO FREE WILL.

The only thing more dangerous than an authoritarian is an authoritarian who's a fucking idiot.

That may or may not be the comic's intention, but that's what ends up being the takeaway when we're given these lengthy lectures about the supposed sanctity of freedom, only for Sonic to betray his own principles.

He doesn't give a shit about anyone's pain. That much is clear.

He leverages Shadow's trauma against him to win an argument.

He ignores how Espio is grieving the loss of his friends to obnoxiously argue "oh so we should murder everyone, huh, Espio? is that what you're saying? we should never give anyone a chance?"

He makes fun of Belle at several points and even looks annoyed when she's angsting about her situation in one instance.

He claims he'd be willing to give "even [Eggman and Starline]" a second chance, only to eulogize Starline with "big oof."

He ignores Surge's pain just to say he'll kick her ass, then eulogizes her with a line so cold you'd think it came out of Eggman's mouth.

He shuts down Tails' misgivings about Metal's release not once but twice.

He drops the "Surge is dead" bomb on Kit without any real tact or follow-through to make sure the traumatized child is okay.

He tells Kit that Surge is "hurting herself."

Yet he throws a fucking pity party for himself in issue 23 about how Eggman "makes him pay" for daring to believe in the "good in people" every day.

Cry me a river. Kick rocks. Get bent.

IDW!Sonic lacks the emotional intelligence to distinguish when someone in pain is lashing out vs. a bona fide unrepentant asshole killing people for fun.

To him, both are the same errant children in need of a paddling. Just as he'd lack the pragmatism to seal the Erazor Djinn in the lamp because muh freedom, he'd lack the empathy to comfort Shahra afterward.

[axailslink]

Are You Ready?

Shuri x FEM reader

Summary: you find yourself falling in love with the princess I mean how could you not? She's gorgeous and smart. The princess thinks you're bullshitting and has been pushing away her feelings in avoidance of getting hurt. She's afraid you'll run in fear of commitment.

Shuri stands in front of you looking at your wrapped sprained knee you could see the way she wanted to say so many things but she stays to herself. "I'm being careful" you spit out to cut the tension currently suffocating you in the room. "Careful would mean you wouldn't be in my lab you are the most clumsy Dora milaje member I know" you smile so big as if you were taking a family picture but she didn't return it causing you to groan. "Oh c'mon it's nothing but a sprang" you shrug Shuri has such a big heart she cares for everyone but it squeezes your heart knowing she cares for you just a bit more. "What if it's not just a sprang next time what if next time you're bleeding out on my table?" You jump down from the lab table and look up at her.

"Shuri I need you to stop caring so much you know it hurts knowing it's not in the way that I want" she sighs and rolls her eyes "this again?" Shuri looks frantically between both of your eyes trying to read the truth as if it's written on a book in your beautiful alluring eyes but this only causes your breath to falter as you look at her eyes in return. The space between you two continuously grows small you want to pull away but it seems so alluring as if magnets were pulling you two together. "Shuri I cannot handle another rejection from you" she lets out a deep breath that fans against your lips "then you should pull away" you grab her shoulders and at this moment you wish you would stop but you can't help yourself it was everything about her you just want her to feel as loved as you do.

Your hands climb their way up to her face and she looks as if she's on the verge of tears eyes glassed over and squinted trying to keep them at bay. "If you want me to stop I will" she says nothing because in truth she knows she deserves this she deserves to be loved to be happy especially after everything she's been through but she can't help but punish herself but while doing so she's also punishing you for loving her. "God damnit Shuri just say you want this too please your silence is deafening" Her body noticeably tenses when you say those words you lean up quickly peck her lips expecting this to be the last time. You couldn't keep doing this you refused to keep hurting yourself until she was ready for you. "Thanks for nothing" you grab your spear and leave the lab leaving Shuri alone she hits the glass table next to herself with more force than intended and winces as she waves her hand.

You meet with Okoye as you leave the lab and you immediately straighten up you couldn't have her thinking you're distracted even though you are very much distracted. "I'll be gone on a mission today you'll be sparring with Shuri as replacement" you almost visibly groan no matter how subtle your change in body language was she noticed "is that a problem?" You look at her with pleading eyes. "Yes... Maybe... Sort of? Me and Shuri aren't on good terms right now I'm pretty sure she doesn't even want me sparring because of my leg" Okoye that little evil smirk of hers "hm I don't think so she requested you and I mean right now you should stay here anyways wouldn't want a weakling to slow us down" you furrow your brows completing passing the main part of of her words and going straight to "weakling." "Weakling? I'm one of the only ones who can beat Shuri in fist fighting" Okoye nods "indeed you are but you're also reckless and distracted you always lose footing around her it's like you enjoy being under her foot." Damn you really were way more than down bad for her you were in love. "General...? Why didn't anyone tell me I was in love with Shuri?" Okoye grabs her spear and stays silent "you two are young. People shouldn't interfere in what they know nothing of" she palms your shoulder and makes her leave with the others.

You knew you took a liking to her but you didn't think you loved her you just stand still for a moment letting it all wash over you. What was your next move? You can't go see her with this realization you can't your mind will be everywhere except training.

You eventually decide not to go and embarrass yourself more you can't handle a lot of emotions right now you need to stay level headed for when you heal and can start your missions again.

The shower feels amazing on your back after such a confusing day it's like the cup of ice that makes it cool down just for a bit.

An abrupt banging causes you to jump out of the shower grab your towel and spear "the day just keeps getting longer" you wrap yourself in the towel and open the door just ajar and peek through the visitor pushes past you so fast your eyes can't make them out only until you hear her voice "you don't show up to training suddenly!?" You plop your back against the door and cross your arms over your chest. "Who the fuck you think you yelling at? This is my private space." She's taken back by your change in tone you're always so soft spoken with her even when you're upset.

Shuri sighs into her hands"I didn't mean to yell I just feel like I need to get my point across" "you can do that without yelling at me Shuri the queen of Wakanda when... when are you going to have time for a queen of your own? Hm I've showed time and time again just how much I love you just how much I'd give for you yet you do not reciprocate if I am not what you want just say it please because you are not the only woman in line." Shuri entraps you in the door of both of her hands beside your head "you are what I want but are you ready for what comes after sleeping with me?" She says letting one of her hands drop and loosen up your towel "I uhm" you swallow thickly as her hand travels under the loose towel now running up your thigh "are you ready to be my queen? My love my everything?" You choke on your words before you can even get them out "if not tell me now because being mine takes a lot of commitment" she says snatching the towel from around you and letting it pool to the floor "after four years of pinning of course." You gently pull her closer to you by her shirt and peck her lips "just don't run because I will find you" she smiles and glances at your spear "I know you will because you're one of the only women who can beat me in a fist fight" you groan embarrassed from what you told Okoye earlier "For her to be such a great general she talks a lot." Shuri laughs and agrees.

[saeransangel]

Futile Devices

Summary: Ellie returns to Jackson after Santa Barbara and tries to find you.

A/N: I thought of this when I heard the first/last line of the song so I had to write this out. Feedback would be appreciated!! Please comment or leave it in the ask box. Making this into a series

CW: Angst + hurt/comfort, swearing, mentions of death

WC: 1.8k NOT PROOF READ

And words are futile devices

Hot tears streamed down your face as your eyes burned holes into the back of the auburn girls head. She turned around to face you, nearly feeling your desolate stare.

Ellie didn't know what to say. She knew you were going to be broken over her leaving, but there was something sinister inside that was gnawing away at her day by day. Abby was still out there and that was not something that was going to let get away from her again. Not after everything. Not after Joel. Not after Jesse. She had to finish it.

"So that's it then?" You finally spit out. "You're just leaving me here alone?" You tried to hold in your sobs.

You had accompanied her to Seattle. You had been there for her through her entire journey. The two of you had finally started to settle down and heal from all the pain and hurt the world had brought into your lives.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." was all Ellie could muster, her gaze fixated on the floorboards. She couldn't bare to look at you, knowing that all this pain you felt was caused by her. "I have to finish it."

You let out a frustrated cry. "She doesn't get to be more important than the life we've made for ourselves."

Her stare was blank. She had heard what you said and processed it, but she knew there was nothing much she could say to make this even remotely better.

"Are you going to say anything?" You yelled.

She flinched at your tone. You had never yelled at her. Not once. It surprised her, but she knew it was deserved. After a moment she finally spoke. "I wish we were two different people. Two people who didn't need to say goodbye."

"Oh, Ellie." You tone softened from the much harsher one you had spat out earlier. You walked close enough to cup her face in your hands. "We don't have to say goodbye." Her fingers reached up to grab your hands.

"Y/N..." She sighed, tears brimming in her own eyes now. She brought your hands down from her face, still holding them in her own. She kissed your cheek softly. So softly you barely could feel her lips ghosting over your skin.

Then she was gone.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

That was the last time you saw Ellie Williams. Three months had passed and you hadn't seen her or heard a word about her. Last you heard she was in Santa Barbara.

Things were going okay. They were fine. You were soldiering on everyday. But then sometimes you would be out on patrol and see a stupid superhero collection card. Or you would think that out of the corner of your eye you would see her walking through the gates of Jackson. When things like this happened you tried your best to keep it together, but it was hard to not slip back into your bad habits like when she first left.

When she left that day you were a wreck for a month straight. There was no consoling you. All you could do was cry and worry. Dina tried her very best to comfort you but it seemed that despite her best efforts, you were still unraveled.

"Dina, I just don't understand why this had to happen. I miss her so much, I'm so worried." You sobbed, trying to catch your breath.

"I know Y/N." Dina whispered, rubbing circled on your back. That was all she could say at the time.

Now on month three without Ellie, you had begun to build up resentment. Towards yourself and towards her. You were resentful to her because she left you. On top of grieving for Jesse, who had been your best friend for years, you also had to grieve the loss of Ellie. You didn't know if she was dead or alive and at this point you could only assume the worst. But at the same time you resented yourself for even feeling this way. It felt evil and wrong. You loved this girl with all your heart and soul. It pained you the be harboring such ill will towards someone you cared so deeply for.

You shook yourself from your debilitating thoughts and sought out to find Dina, who you were out patrolling with. You found her waiting were you had tied up the horses.

"Hey, you doing alright?" She asked as you approached in silence.

"I..." miss her "I'm fine."

"Y/N, are you sure?" She asks again. She always tried to push you to open up even when you didn't want her to. But it was nice knowing she was there. You didn't want her to keep worrying about you but you also knew that if you didn't open up it would make her anxious.

"Yeah I just saw a fucking stupid trading card." You replied with a spiteful tone. Dina was quiet for a moment. Sometimes you forget she's mourning her friends too. "I'm sorry D." You said.

"Let's go home. We've got as much as we needed for today." She smiled.

Dina is an amazing friend to you. She could easily move past moments like these which helped you move past them too. You were forever grateful to her for her strength. It's been your lifeline.

The two of you rode back in comfortable silence, occasionally making small talk. The view was always so beautiful through the woods. You caught yourself smiling, enjoying the fresh air and the trees around you.

"That's what I like to see!" Dina exclaimed. It startled you out of your serenity. "Finally a genuine smile."

You laughed. You actually laughed at one of her jokes for the first time in a long time. "Yeah yeah." you sighed. "How about I race ya back?"

Without giving her a chance to respond you kick the sides you your horse and it takes off into a steady gallop.

"No fairrrr." You hear her yell from behind you. Her horse whines as it take off, advancing on you.

The guards see you two approaching and open the gate, your horses barreling in. You won but barely. You were sure that if you didn't cheat you would have lost. None the less you had a shit eating grin on your face.

The two of you continued to race the horses into the barn. Out of the corner of your eye you see a familiar silhouette with auburn hair. You shake it off, knowing that it was just a figment of your longing mind. In this moment, you finally felt free of the past and all the grief that came with it. You weren't going to let your mind ruin this for you. Maybe this is what healing felt like.

The two of you dismount your horses and brought them into the stable, getting them situated in their pens. Dina was complaining about how you cheated and barely won, you were just reveling in your small victory.

"Alright, alright." You giggled. "You're right, I'm a total mother fucker who cheated." You repeated the name she had called you seconds before.

"Thank you." She laughed and gave your shoulder a light shove. You fake flinched. "All right I'll see you later for dinner." She said as she turned on her heel walking back to her place.

You sighed happily and turned around, heading towards to field that your small house was on. You loved your little field. Wild lavender grew in small bushes and a variety of wildflowers bloomed in the spring and summer time. They were just starting to bloom for the year. As you were walking further onto the path leading up to your home, your eyes adjusted to something further ahead. You heart sank to your stomach. Your throat dried up, eyes welling with tears. No this can't be real. You thought to yourself. Your vision was blurry with tears and your breath was caught in your throat.

You turned around quickly, not wanting to dare look at the figure any longer. You nearly ran the opposite directing until you heard a voice ring out.

"Y/N,"

It's been a long, long time since I've memorized your face

Your heart was beating out of your chest, stopping dead in your tracks. You finally get the courage to turn around and when you do you see her.

"Ellie," You whisper. Your feet are moving faster than your mind, one foot desperately flying in front of the other. All resentment or anger you had felt leaving you in that moment. "Ellie!" You yelled. You were running faster than you ever had in your life. As you got closer you saw her hair was slightly disheveled. It was a bit longer than the last time you saw her. Her face still spotted with light freckles.

Your body collided with hers, arms wrapping around each other tightly. With the force of you running, you managed to send the two of you flying back, landing on the ground with an oof. Ellie sat the two of you up to where you could finally get a good look at each other. Tears were streaming down your face and hers. You couldn't get any words out. You were still in shock mentally that she was here, but your heart was hopelessly devoted to her which is how you ended up back in her arms.

Your body was trembling as you positioned yourself on your knees, hands reaching up to grab her face. "How?" Was all you could say. Your mind was racing with a million questions. What happened in Santa Barbara? Why is she back? How is she back? Is she safe? You felt her hands reach up to grasp yours, noticing her left hand now only had three digits. What happened to her fingers? She saw you noticing and got flustered. She tried to pull her hand away but you caught it, bringing it to your lips for a gentle kiss. Your eyes locked with hers.

Ellie began noticing your features. She had never forgotten what you looked like. The image of you in her head is what kept her going and fighting for all those days in exile. But somehow you looked different. You looked thinner, your once bright eyes looked drained and the bags under your eyes were dark. Her heart was breaking looking at her perfect, patient girl. The girl who ripped herself apart to follow her from Jackson to Seattle. The girl who begged her to stay when she left for Santa Barbara.

As she continued to hold you in her gaze, a strangled sob escaped from her lips. "I'm so sorry, Y/N." She cried out. "I'm so sorry." She soon felt your warm and tight embrace wrap around her trembling frame.

"Els, oh my God, you're here. You're here. I can't believe this. I-" You stopped to catch your breath. "I missed you so fucking much." You tried not to cry as you said the last part.

"I missed you too. So much." She cried.

You grabbed her arm and pulled her up, both of you standing now. You swiftly interlocked you hands.

"Let's go home."

TAGS: @percsane