#'thats one of the ways we know god loves us!'
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I hold them as close to me as possible. I knew this had to come eventually, but did it have to be so damn soon? How am I supposed to tell them that everyone they know will come to pass long before they even mature? How am I supposed to tell them that I wont be by there side every step of the way. I hold them closer still.
We stay like that for what feels like hours. I dont think either of us want to let go, as if doing so the other will fade out of reality like a dream.
Dreams. I always dreamed of being a parent. I always dreamed to teach a little creature to walk, to talk, to learn to experience the joys and hold their hand through the pains. But. I cant do that, can I? I take a deep breath, Sorting out emotion and logic, rational. My child needs a parent right now. They need that hand to guide them through the uncertainty so they can learn to pass the brambles on their own.
“I love you. I will always love you. Beyond this plane and further, even the gods know my love for you.“
“If you love me so, how could you leave me alone?” She looked up at me. Those wide, wide icy gray eyes. How I remember them peering the world with wild curiosity, the way they lit up when i taught them how to eat Honeysuckles, the way they shone when reading of myths and monsters, the way they focused when helping another being. Now? They looked to me with longing.
“My child, I have many more years left with you. And yes, you will have to walk this path alone one day. It is just the way the world works.”
“Thats stupid.”
“It is. It is very stupid. But nothing physical lives forever. You will die one day too.” I pause, and hope the words resonate with them. Im so terrified to put more fear into her gentle heart. They are quite delicate, children. Bluntness is required, but painful. And I would never lie to them.
“But even then, my love for you for you transcends the planes. Including the planes which separate life and death. While I may very well die one day, my love for you wont. My hand will always be in yours, my child. I will always, always be there for you.”
She sobs again, but its not as pained before. We cry together a bit more. I sing them a lullaby (their favourite). And my child, my sweet strong gentle loving child, falls asleep. Tomorrow will be a day full of fun and joy, I promise them that.
You're a single human parent of a Elf child, today has you ready yourself for bed you hear them burst open the door with tears in their eye as they jump into bed with you and hold onto you tight, has you comfort them you hear them say through their whimpering and sobs "i don't want you to die".
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My experiences with synastry
8th house synastry
By far, my favorite. Intense, transcendal, deep. It goes beyond the physical and mental, reaches straight into your soul. The sexual tension is palpable, and at the same time it feels like home.
( do note that i have pluto influencing my ic and moon so your and my idea of 'home' might be a bit different ♡ lmao )
Moon in 8th house:
- absolute favorite. the connection runs deep, if you let it. when you meet this person you will know pretty early on that the potentional for intense bonding is immense. for every person i met with this, after a while i look in their eyes and think 'we could absolutely ruin eachother in the best way possible'.
- the sexual tension breaches the physical and turns almost emotional. like, 'i want to fuck you so hard that you cry' type shit. of course, every 8th house connection has some kind of sexual electricity constantly present, but i've found that w this placement, it's .. profound.
- so far , i've only been the house person, and i've found that the way the moon person looks at me is like nothing i've seen before. i mean, the eye contact being intense is a given w any 8th overlay but w this one it's ... wow. it's a simultaneous pleading to 'come closer, enter my world, feel my essence' and a threat to 'stay away, you see to far into me, you know too much'.
- it's obsessive. on my side (house) at least. by obsessive i mean ... obsessive. one of them is a crush that i haven't been able to put out for a fucking year, even with no contact. in fact, funnily enough, when i thought i was totally over it, all it took was to see her again and make eye contact - immediately, i was thrown for a loop. we didn't even exchange words directly, it was a group setting .. but the eye contact was absolutely enough. crazy.
- as the house person, i feel like the moon person can feel that i see straight through them. another thing i've noticed is that the moon person usually seems a little intimidated/nervous around me, especially at first.
- the thing with this overlay is that it can get hard to take real action on the connection because it's anything but lighthearted. you can clearly tell that if you pursue it, it's gonna get deep and that can range from inconvenient to uncomfortable, or even scary for someone who's not used to 8th house/pluto/scorpio energy.
Lilith in 8th house
- the sexual tension. is. insane. i'm talking .. concerning. i've had this w a friend, a guy who's not my type in the slightest (and i dont really like guys in general, mind you), but there's this kind of ... sexual energy in the air. like, we're not gonna do anything about it, but it's there. and it's not even physical, for me at least - i dont find him attractive physically its just .. a compulsive feeling.
- now, when i have it w someone i actually find attractive, even a little bit, it gets scaled up to the extreme. the moment i see this person, i'm immediately attracted to them. instant. they don't even have to be my type, but if they are - my god, if they are ...
- i am usually lilith in this overlay, and i often find myself wanting to corrupt the house person, to pull them into my dark erotic world. this synastry really brings out my lilith energy even more.
- as lilith i love teasing the house person & i want to see them squirm. i wanna dominate them & see them fall apart beneath me (in the best way possible)
- this is very much a 'i can ruin them' type connection (not in a malicious way)
- i automatically feel confident around this person, no matter if i felt insecure the rest of the day; its like the house person awakens my dark feminine energy just w their presence (and thats a damn good feeling)
Sun & Mercury in 8th house
- honestly this ones interesting; if your connection is platonic, it wont add weird undertones, if its not , it will heighten the attraction significantly.
- it will be really easy and satisfying to talk about your secrets, your past, your traumas, your pain, as well as your kinks, sexual preferences & sexual experiences w this person.
- you will be able to tell this person the naked, blunt truth about them to their face, and vice versa, esp eith mercury in 8th overlay
sun conjunct lilith
- i was lilith and its .. fun. sun brings out my 'bad' side. the fun one.
- as lilith, i find sun really cute, and i try to figure them out, cause i feel like they arent really as naive & innocent as they seem to be.
- sun may be a little scared of lilith here. :)
pluto conjunct lilith
- i have yet to experience this but from what i've heard i love, love, love .
- think bonnie n clyde, mr and mrs smith. they can appreciate eachothers shadow and its very exciting
- hearsay says the sex is mindblowing but i cant confirm or deny
pluto conjunct ascendant
- my mothers pluto is conjunct my ascendant and she literally fucked me up royally soo be careful w this one yall
- pluto will try to control the ascendant and have power over them
- pluto tries to control ascendants behavior, appearance, mannerisms, social etiquett, even food intake sometimes
- i have never seen this be a healthy dynamic but i would love to be proven wrong
lilith square ascendant
every time a man's lilith squares my ascendant, an angel dies. i swear to fucking god, this synastry is a hot, headache-inducing mess.
now, ive only ever had this with men so take it w a grain of salt.
whenever a mans lilith squared my ascendant, the situation was the same:
he had a crush, and then there was .. me. he loved one girl, truly, but had an intense, weird, sexual obsession with me (that often scared him).
he was extremely attracted to me, but reluctant to admit it directly. wanted to 'tame' me, make me 'well-behaved'. we argued at least once within 24h of knowing eachother.
heavy sexual tension, but in a irritating, conflicting way. reallyy intense eye contact, but almost forbidden.
they all, at some point, iced me out in one way or another, deliberately avoided me, seemingly for no reason.
lilith in 7th house
this ones weird.
- we kinda have beef, but not really
- we either completely agree with eachother or utterly disagree
- mixed feelings
- switching between liking and disliking eachother
- sexual tension, but in an annoying way
#astrology#plutonian#astro placements#horoscope#lilith#astro observations#synastry#lilith synastry#pluto synastry#lilith square ascendant#8th house#8th house synastry
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I cannot keep doing this
Chat I cannot.
rant below beware, i get very angy
I know I made that post where I say I ignore comments talking about another ship on my art and use spite as a way to continue on
But there is only SO MUCH of “Catnap x Dogday is better!” I can TAKE
Guys guys, Daynap shippers, my brethren. Yes, I am one of you. I have a fanfic with Daynap, its not daynapping rn but its in the tags.
I love Daynap just as much as you guys do. But you cannot say that is the ONLY ship for Dogday and Catnap.
I understand you okay, They’re cute. But not everyone is gonna share the same opinion, they’re gonna wanna ship Dogday with Crafty, or Catnap with Bobby, or even Dogday with Allister, AND THATS FINE, ITS FINE TO SHIP SOMETHING ELSE, THATS NOT HURTING ANYONE.
What is very hurtful is you trying to undermine other people’s ships just because its not THE ship. That’s terrible! You’re terrible! Sorry you’re not but just behave!
Go look at other Daynap posts, there’s so much of that! There’s so very little of Suncross that I only find my blog when I search for it on google and god damn Icky x Alli porn. I already know your ship is better okay!? You and everyone else made that clear!! LET ME HAVE SUNCROSS IN PEACE.
Another one, “You cant ship them, the nc are teenagers and the sc are children”
Says who? Proof where? From last I remember they were ageless.
That’s a headcanon! You’re free to think about whatever you want, they could be adults, they could be children, you can even put them in a highschool, you can do that!
But its not canon. It’s not official. Your opinion is not a subjective fact, it is an opinion.
Good god I’m sorry but I feel like this is common sense, if you dont like the ship just ignore me.
I’m not doing art for your specific entertainment, I’m doing it for me
We need to get this straight, I’m first, you guys come a close second. I’ll do whatever you guys want but it’ll be because I want to.
You’re free to like, dislike, and comment anything too, but only if you’re respectful and not yelling at me that what you like is better
I like reading different opinions, what you think about them whether it’s siblings, friends, even enemies, I’m interested either way
but don’t call me a fucking dumbass and disregard my work.
Okay I’m done I’m done. Just needed that out my chest somehow. I’m fine
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MAKE YOU MINE.
FWB!BSF!DRIVER!CHRIS x DRUNK!READER
warnings: SMUT. mentions of being used for your body, sex while drunk, fingering, oral f!recieving, spitting on face/in mouth (???), squirting, getting caught, creampie, unprotected p in v (dont do this), names: “good girl, baby, ma, slut, darling, love, etc”.
summary: you and chris have always felt something besides just a fling for each other, its just never been said out loud. but you, madison, and nick decide to go out for the night. you forget to tell your best friend chris where youre going, and you get a little too drunk, nick and madison cant drive, so chris has to drive you home. but theres too much tension for chris to handle himself tonight.
not proofread.
authors note: this has a VERY long intro guys sorry whoopsie i locked in
i cant focus my eyes on anything. the whole room is filled with purple and pink lights. all i hear is the muffled laughter and conversations in the bar and my friend madison screaming something at what i have to assume is nick.
“NICKKK THIS IS MY SONGGGG” madison drunkenly shouts, slurring her words almost more than mine. “NO WAYY!!” nick yells.
nick is the only sober one out of me and madison. i dont know how or why he is even dealing with us right now.
“nick!” i shout over the katy perry song thats playing for the fourth time tonight, and the large crowd of guys hitting on madison, hoping he hears me. he scans the crowd til he connects eyes with me. “is everything okay?” he says in my ear once he makes his way next to me through the group of grown men flirting with madison.
“nick fuck i think i- i forgot to tell chris where i went with you and mads” i say as i slur my words and almost fall over into nicks arms a solid three times. “shit its okay,” nick reassured me, “he probably assumed you went somewhere with me and madison when we left the house anyway its alright”
“n- no. hes gonna be mad” i say, realizing i havent even checked my phone for God knows how long to text him. shit.
all of a sudden i dart to where nick, madison and i left our bags, leaving nick confused contemplating on whether he should chase after me or not.
i text chris, hoping hes not mad. he hasnt texted me since i left, that cant be good.
me:
hi chris
chris:
what the fuck. ive been so worried about you why haven’t my texts gone through since you left!?
me:
shit im sorry i didnt twll you where i went i just assumed you knew where njck and madison were going cause you knew i was goibg with them.
shit i cant spell, hes gonna know im drunk as fuck
chris:
no i didnt fucking know you were going with them, plus none of my texts have sent to them either!! where the fuck are you do you need me to come get you??? are you drunk!?
me:
im at the bar dowb by the beacj but no i dont need you to come ger me
chris:
you didnt answer my other question, are you drunk?
me:
no
chris:
liar. im omw.
fuck.
i scan through the massive crowd with my purse clutched to my side trying to find nick or madison, preferably both.
i spot nick, talking to some random guy. i probably startled this poor guy when i ran up to nick basically bashing into his arm trying to tell him that chris is on the way to come get me and he seems mad.
nick has always known chris is protective of me. nick also looks worried for me, scanning me up and down. “you sure you want chris to see you out partying drunk as hell in that dress…”
he hands me his leather jacket and puts it on one of my arms and before i know it i feel a cold hand grab me by the forearm before i can fully put nicks jacket on.
its chris.
im getting practically dragged away by him, my visions still blurry, and my thoughts disoriented.
i get in chris’ car outside and he starts interrogating me.
“why didnt you tell me where you went!? what if something happened to you?!! why didnt you text me at all??”
im overwhelmed by all the questions, i can barely think. “im sorry, chris!” i shout “i figured you’d assume i went with nick and madison to the bar and it slipped my mind to text you.”
chris is silent after what i say, i glance over confused.
chris’ gaze is taken by the outfit i have on. a dark red sequin dress with holes at the sides exposing most of my waist, and a scarily low v neck which exposes my tits which are damn near about to fall out the dress.
“what are you thinking wearing that,” he says protectively, “are you trying to get laid by some random guy at the bar!?”
“no”
no? thats all im able to say? why am i nervous?
���hm. maybe ill knock some sense into you later then, teach you its not alright to display yourself like that to everyone” chris huffs.
what does that mean?
chris is silent the rest of the drive home, so am i.
we make it home and chris brings me to his room, giving me some of his clothes to change into.
boxers and a baggy “boston” t shirt.
i decide to change in his room because im too drunk to walk anymore and get to a bathroom. i ask chris for help unzipping my dress.
he comes and helps me, he gets dangerously close to my jawline with his fingers running up and down my back, to my collarbones, which is very unnecessary.
a shiver goes down my spine as he unzips my dress.
all of a sudden, he pulls and drops my dress to my ankles and acts like it was an accident.
“shit sorry” he turns around.
i dont say anything.
we are in his bed watching some random movie, and i feel his cold hand graze over my thigh, causing me to shiver again against my will.
“y’know, that dress was really pretty on you,” he says to me without hesitation. “t- thank you?”
i cant tell if he’s joking and messing with ms caise he is still mad, or if he’s being serious.
“ive always thought you were pretty.” he whispers. “im sorry i got mad earlier. i just dont want other people seeing you and thinking they can use you, you were so drunk”
“i know but i had it under control”
“did you? did you have it under control when you told nick earlier that me and you have hooked up before.”
what.
i did not do that. i couldnt have. was i really that drunk??
next thing i know i feel his hand trace up my thigh again and get scarily close to my core, which was growing embarrassingly wet from the memories of our last hookup now running through my mind, and all the shit chris did when he was unzipping my dress.
his hand finally reaches my core, he rubs circles around my clothed clit.
“you wanna dress like a slut at the bar, huh?” he hisses. “and you wanna get so shitface drunk that you accidentally tell my brother what me and you did?”
“i- im sorry, chris.”
“dont be.”
he stops rubbing my clit and he traces the band of the boxers on me, slowly pulling them down.
“youve always been a slut,” he throws the blanket off of us and pulls my boxers fully off, exposing my glistening pussy to the cold air of his room. “see. youre wet from me getting angry arent you, ma” he slaps my sensitive pussy, making me wince.
“y- yes” i whine, “please chris, touch me”
“whatd you say love, i didnt hear you” he teases while looking me dead in the eyes.
“touch me, please, chr-” before i can finish my sentence, with my mouth open he takes rhe opportunity to spit in my mouth.
holy fuck
“ohh, you couldve just asked.” abruptly he sticks his long middle finger into my aching hole, thrusting slowly. “faster, please.” i beg.
he listens and goes faster, causing me to let out an embarrassingly loud moan. he adds another finger and curls them right into my sweet spot.
“f- fuck!” i let out. “im close.”
“already?” he pulls his fingers out, causing me to whine again at the loss.
all of a sudden he strips completely and his nearly rock hard dick is exposed and seems larger than it ever has. he orders me to take off my shirt, and my tits are exposed.
“so sexy, ma” he grabs my tits and slowly moves his way back down to my still throbbing hole. he licks right from my hole to my clit leaving a slick trail. and he sticks his tounge into my hole causing my back to arch off the bed and i let out a borderline pornographic moan as his fingers begin rubbing circles on my clit again.
he moves his tounge around inside me going as deep as he can while his fingers still work steady circles on my clit. “shit. chris- dont s- stop.” i feel the knot in my stomach tighten, and without warning i squirt.
chris pulls his face away and starts aggressively rubbing on my clit causing me to keep squirting for what felt like forever.
“youre so fuckin sexy ma, only i can make you do that huh?” he says, “my fuckin slut”
“y- yes chris. only you, im yours” this makes him let out a sly chuckle. “i know.”
all of a sudden i feel his dick thrust into me, quickly and without warning. i let out an insane moan and so does he.
his moans are so fucking hot.
“fuck- chris!”
“hm?” he questions, his voice already shaky.
i dont even reply, he knows what i want. i just try my hardest to focus. his cock hitting my gspot perfectly every. single. thrust. his moans are bringing me to the edge so fucking fast.
“c- chris. im gonna cum” my voice is so shaky. his thrusts are gettinf sloppier by the second and i feel the knot in my stomach break. and i feel his cum fill me up.
we finished at the same time
we are both a moaning mess together and he pulls out of me, both of our cum dripping out of me.
then we hear chris’ bedroom door open… its madison and nick, they’re home.
“WHAT THE FUCK” they both shout in unison, nick slamming the door back shut immediately.
oops.
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HORIKOSHI WHEN I CATCH YOU HORIKOSHI
why in the fuck were we left on cliffhanger for the end of season 7. i’m so- i don’t even know how to feel right now, because i wasn’t even expecting us to be left on cliffhanger, and THE NEXT SEASON DOESNT EVEN COME UNTIL AUTUMN R U KIDDING ME how am i supposed to cope?!?? sure i still have the ova’s and the films left to watch bUT STILL MAN I FEEL SO EMPTY RIGHT NOW DAMMIT
god i have so much to say about season 7—not only was watching the todoroki family the most devastating thing ive ever witnessed—their family history is so intricately tangled and i really wonder if touya is still alive (i haven’t read the manga, i hope he is, and i don’t wanna read it online dammit) i want to see them come to a proper closure so bad i need them to be okay with each other even if endeavor isn’t forgiven (which is honestly valid) i want this family-against-touya-to-protect-everyone-else situation to bring them together in some way dammit!
and then we had the togachako moment. oh lord. oh lord i love them, they’re so—yeah sure i see them as a queer ship, but god fucking dammit after hikimo finally came to accepting her smile and her way of showing love being “normal” because of ochaco’s words and coming to the conclusion that all she ever needed was to “give blood like how she wanted to have someone else’s” HIMIKO BETTER NOT BE DEAD DAMMIT DONT TELL ME THAT CONFESSION MIDAIR AND THE SHARING HIMIKO’S BLOOD TO KEEP OCHACO ALIVE WAS ALL FOR NOTHING
oh god and fucking hawks. oh jesus. i wasn’t expecting his quirk to be taken completely. i honestly have no idea what his ending holds, but god dammit i hope he’s alive, i know his worst fear was getting his quirk taken when that’s what made him “the best” in the first place because he was literally groomed to become a hero due to his quirk despite growing up around villains, i can’t imagine how he’d be feeling—but fuck, fuck the burden he must’ve carried for having to kill bubaigawara even though he didn’t want to, he just found a genuine friend when working undercover and yet, he almost had to face the wrath of the sad man’s death legion through himiko oh man i couldn’t stand seeing him just,, fall, after everything
all might, oh, all might. this man is in his 50s and yet still can’t let his work go can he? this damn workaholic. but seeing him with his support items all including his students quirks 🥹💔 this man adores his students so much, if he doesn’t fucking stay alive after defeating afo i’m gonna fucking riot, RIOT I TELL YOU i sure fucking hope this isn’t the ending nighteye had foreseen about all might’s death because i swear to god, hell i fucking know nighteye would’ve been so mad seeing all might go into that war against afo quirkless with only support items he would’ve been MAD AND YK WHAT SO AM I BITCH SO HE BETTER COME OUTTA THIS ALIVE
and hell we don’t even know what the situation with aizawa, present mic and kurogiri is??? WHAT HAPPENS I NEED TO KNOW I NEED THEM ALIVE i don’t fucking know if shirakumo ever comes back, he was dead to begin with, i don’t think he’s gonna but damn can aizawa and hizashi get the closure they deserve? thats all i want for them, for them to be able to work alongside shirakumo’s “soul” one last time and have some form of closure dammit
and well, i left bakugo katsuki at the end of this fucking rant because i need him alive. i remember seeing so many damn parallels of kudo—and how his expression in afo’s hands looked so defeated, as if he was ready to die for yoichi, meanwhile katsuki, fucking bakugo katsuki, he’s not ready to die, yes he fucking moved through that pain to blast one last move in shigaraki’s face knowing there was a possibility of not making it but GOD DAMMIT I DOUBT HE WANTS TO LEAVE IZUKU BEHIND NOT YET and him fucking talking to all might’s vestige. god i genuinely was bawling so much. the voice, the expression, god just looked so, so vulnerably soft which he’s never let himself before, except for when he apologises to izuku to bring him back to UA. but god fuck, how- what- HOW DO I COPE Y’ALL HELP ME SOMEONE TALK TO ME IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND
there’s so much fucking more i could yap about right now but it’s 1:15 am, my hands are hurting, my eyes are burning from crying so much after it ended, and my brain is dead. i can’t do this man
P.S. as someone who holds too much emotional intelligence and is studying psych, you can never make me hate any villain because i will always understand their pain too well, even if i don’t justify certain actions
#mha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#bnha#feeling so empty rn#i can’t do this#going insane rn#kohei horikoshi#mha class a#mha todoroki#boro#jin bubaigawara#toga himiko#uraraka ochacho#izuku midoriya#bakugo katsuki#todoroki shouto#keigo takami#aizawa shouta#hizashi yamada#oboro shirakumo#yagi toshinori#rambling so much rn
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Oh my god Navani explaining the Tower to Gav and randomly dropping religious rhetoric threw me SO off
#'thats one of the ways we know god loves us!'#AH FUCK WHAT#like it makes sense for her character ig it just threw me off#it was so random#stormlight archive#cosmere#the stormlight archive#brandon sanderson#sorchaposting#navani kholin#gavinor kholin#wind and truth#wind and truth spoilers
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i understand the frustration with “i made this gay pairing cis x trans so they can still have biological babies” with no thought to other methods and how ppl assume thats the case when it comes to mothpool aus where mothwing is also the mother of the three, but also…. idk i kinda dont give a shit if someone wants to do that and i dont really think its inherently transphobic as long as its handled with care and respect.
what really concerns me about this debate is how some people are adamant that you cannot portray trans people having biological children in media or youre being disrespectful. and im gonna say as a nonbinary person who doesnt want children for themself- thats kinda fucking weird? like i understand that for some people, theyre trans themselves and theyre speaking from a place of dysphoria, and i absolutely get that, which is why i think the topic should be handled with nuance and diversity in trans characters, but like…. guys. pregnant trans men exist irl. trans women get people pregnant irl. trans ppl’s ability and right to parent and have biological children are being debated irl. we get denied the opportunity to adopt as well.
in a climate like this, are we SURE we want the stance on rewrites and headcanons in the silly cat books to be “if you portray trans characters having children, especially with a gay couple, youre a transphobic freak no matter what!” does it really matter? especially if its being done by a trans person handling the topic with nuance who has a lot of trans characters with varying perspectives?
obviously yes, remember that thats not the only way certain gay couples can have kids, remember that not every trans person is fully comfortable with it and keep that in mind, remember that surrogacy and adoption are also perfectly valid ways to give fan babies- but remember that there are OPTIONS. not that you need to condemn the idea of transgender parents in the first place unless they fit the very specific criteria of “proper transgender representation” and anything that dares deviate from that is proof the op is a transphobic monster (bonus points if theyre a trans creator bc i mostly see trans people getting shit for this and it kinda pisses me off. although idm if cis people do it either as long as theyre handling it with respect)
#and this isnt getting into how trans mothwing outside of mothpool is a really good way to read her character#sorry. remembered the shit bonefall got despite being trans as well and got annoyed#that especially annoys me bc hes got plenty of surrogacies but the second hed touch a trans pregnancy#‘’no you cant do that!!! you freak!!! obviously you only see trans people as a loophole for gays to have babies!!!’’#also my gf and i were talking and obviously take this with a grain of salt bc this is our experience#but…. i think a lot of the ppl saying this……. havent really talked to trans women?#dude some of the ones i know LOVE the idea of getting people pregnant#did you know trans women have sex? did you know trans people in general have sex?? did you know trans people irl wanna start families?#did you know that? did you? or do you black out at the idea of a trans woman being anything but strictly pure and nonsexual#and OBVIOUSLY this is not every trans woman. some do have dysphoria around the idea#but im genuinely starting to wonder how these people act around irl transgender parents#whether they had kids before or after coming out#bc ngl. the attitude that thinking about this makes you a transphobic pervert?#directed at trans people making content for themselves?#im starting to think you all just dont want us to reproduce. if we reproduce we arent ‘’good’’ trans people#because a ‘’real’’ man wouldnt carry a child. a ‘’real’’ woman would carry the child. and god forbid the gays even THINK about reproducing#and being around children!#if we have children then we’re doing things that might make cishets look at us and declare we’re not perfect#we’ve proved we’re not just identical to cis ppl!! (and therefore deserving of respect!)#idk. i think this was mostly a case of tumblr going ‘’oh someone said no to this so lets push this to an unhealthy extreme!!’’#and i cant help but notice nobody really brings up nonbinary parents at all in this discussion#not that we have it ‘’better’’ or anything for that but yknow. are we supposed to swear it off?#is the idea of us having kids inconcievable? or worse…. does it mean we ‘’picked a side?’’#so its not even worth getting mad at a pregnant nb person bc ‘’well thats a woman so who cares’’b#HMMMMM.#ohhhh i bet they also get mad if you make transfem pregnancy possible too. no winning#idk really think about it when you go ‘’you can NEVER EVER portray a trans person starting a family. bc REAL trans people would never.’’#ohhh you probably get mad when trans ppl dont get surgery for one reason or another dontcha#whether we want to or its not in the cards for us for whatever reason like cost and such#(while also getting mad if we do bc we cannot win in this no matter what)
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🎸 happy uncneen pepinursteppermint wintereve 🍬 ❤️🔥
❤️🤘 + ft. how i think my styles would say HYH
#;careless watcher: turn your gaze upon this wretched thing.#thats the face tag because i love to laugh#thank g0d i am not in the field i'm in right now because i have to go through extensive therapy because now i can take insane#pictures of me with no remorse LeTSSSSSS GOOOooOOo#bc i nuked my blog i do think this post is between me and *apathetic spiteful kenny n fratboy fuckb0i clydvc* the G-MAN#but either way *rs doing the sexc raven voice and trying to badly conceal his identity and woo jk vc* usually i get...#~wined and dined~ before strange boys make themselves at home in my lap so god: take notes; i want honey walnut shrimp#not me in the goth edgy boy x basic jewish boy thotmn before ncu stan season ravenstanley beanie the jersey gold s#stan necklace and the sun moon earring and the big comfort nina stan earring and the eye dot sakdhlaskd can you tell i'm#using my fanfic to cope? helpsajdklj rip i have been wearing fake reading glasses and wearing the glass heart necklace#to microdose being both the boys at the same time when i am out in public so i can relax sdhk rip AGAIN its helping me thinks#but it goes against the letter spelling in sign language but i think rock on/ily peace and rock on ily is the style scribing HYH#either way its my birthday i was feeling euphoric or manic or insane or all three and now i have bangs and i am drinking#the peppermint beer to cope with my 13k fanfic and my 150+ page blog being deleted and losing all 100 followers on here#and all my fanfiction followers in a grand mal level panic attack :( so we all ( like 3 ppl ) have to cope with my weird face#and my lame gen x peace signs and gigantic scary foreboding eyeballs and strange behavior for tonight and tomorrow#where i will drinking to forget and rewriting remember fML but i am excited bc its gonna be extra good now even if its just#for me -- as it should be: but whoever is here and along for the ride pls know i'm thankful for you and my birthday tomorrow#is also yours: you mean everything to me...also i might make a holiday playlist just to laugh -- also should i pierce my nose?#peppermint stan era? i have been thinking about him a lot ( no nyquil i promise ) that and my eyebrow...many rstan thoughts#i am drafting their outfits at the moment and it is giving me so much Joy; they are so FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIONE LIKE MAAAANnN#its a spoiler but i am putting rm: relit ravenstan in the ~Save Rock: Fuck A Rockstar~ tanktop bc i love to laugh#you don't even need a match that man LIGHTS IT UUUP BITch#hOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO woO wW z AAAAh#he really is my MAAAN i love him so bad AND ohmyGOD jkyle in the bif columbia sweatshirt & 2014 messy tumblr girl bun?!??!#sCRUMDIDDLYUMpCIOUSSSSSSS HIT ME BABY /ONE/ /MORE/ /tImE/ KSDHskldh hOOOoooOoOo K.O. kNoCKAHWT#JERSEYKYLE CAN BEAT MY ASS ANYTIME FREE OF CHARGE: i will pay him in easy a bitcoin or target giftcards like his lil boytoys do ;)#EloHIM if you WWWWWWWWWWWWWILL and he won't call you lmaOOOOooO ( he is my problematique fave: he rlly is xx )#wASTE THEIR TIIIIiiIIIIIIIIIIIIME JERSEYpICKMECHOOSeM--#anywaYsss alexa play the pop punk cover of dancing queen ft me taylor swift half white girl swaying sipsy in the M0sh P1t <3
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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everyone is sooo in love with vakori on account of le is so cool and smart and deeply pragmatic and is also completely batshit insane
#oc#monochrome#sketch#velan#vakori#rocaim#rocaim and vakori are rex and taz and adder and silas's parents#adder and silas get their looks from vakori; rex and taz to a slightly lesser degree get it from rocaim#rex specifically is like a sharper clone of him. fucks velan up all the time because their personalities are completely totally different#rocaim was very like. gentle and understanding. good with kids and well-liked by basically everyone. a very effective mediator#rex is obviously none of those things lmao. every time he says something particularly insensitive it surprises her for like six years runni#anyway rocaim is in love wtih vakori. velan is in love with vakori. vakori is aro as they come but insanely pragmatic#like. ok le's based loosely off my ex. like. so le's SCARY pragmatic. so fucking cool about it everyone with a brain is specifically like#'woag oh my god le's so pragmatic im in love with her'. anyway eventually le's like 'hi rocaim. here are the objective reasons that i think#that if we got married it would mean i had better standing and more power in the organization we're both committed to. would you be#opposed to possibly getting married with me on the grounds that it would get me respect and power' and rocaim. who is already head over#heels for ler specifically because le makes these kinds of decisions and sees with this kind of logic is like. Absolutely. 100%#then for the next four years of their formal engagement people keep taking rocaim aside and being like hey... i have bad news...#...that leya you're engaged to... le's not romantically interested in you the same way you're romantically interested in ler... le only#wants you because you're an Ath and le wants a voice in the interclan meetsings... and then when Rocaim is like yeah i know#thats why i want to marry ler isnt that like the sexiest fucking reasoning you've EVER heard. no one gets it but velan#who is also in love with ler for the same reasons but has no such claims to power#and who also is not equipped for a polycule nor willing to try to go behind rocaim's back because unfortunately for her. she is also in lov#with rocaim. me when im in love with my friend and my friend's wife and also i'm pretty sure they both reciprocate but they're both#married and i dont really know what to do about it and also all three of us are very Traditional and that is not the Tradition:#and then they both die and she never quite deals with that.#but she DOES get to raise their (surviving) kids :) most of whom are fucking nightmares#life is so difficult for velan. like actually#closerverse#cv
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Suffering more than Jesus atm (being a fan of 80s/90s Suicide squad in 2024)
#god amanda waller what did they do to you....#i KNOW i never shut up about this but GUYS ITS SO BAD#fucking WHY would you take the interesting antihero protagonist and then strip her of any redeeming quality and use her as this horrific#unforgivable villain who is treated as a hated antagonist in her own comics#WHERE SHE ISNT EVEN THE MAIN CHARACTER MOST OF THE TIME#like why are you trying to make me sympathize with fucking harley quinn or smth when the actual main character is right there. why are we#turning her into this horrific villain w a million master plans making deals with the devil and shit.#we are supposed to like her. like maybe not all dc fans do because shes almost always an antagonist in other books but in her own shes the#main character!!! there should be some aspect of interest or sympathy for her. as opposed to just making her like badass or whatever#so sick of this#and its in freaking EVERYTHING right now on god i cant read other comics that are otherwise good (like ga) and enjoy them without the#obligatory intense demonification of one of my fave characters#like shes my no 6 in locg for a reason i genuinely love waller like yeah she sucks sometimes but shes INTERESTING.#this is not interesting or creative in any way what theyre doing with her#this genuinely could have been any government baddie like honestly#dont flatten 3 dimensional characters into 1 dimension (or at best like 1.5) to tell a story you tell the story around the 3d characters.#why do i need to say this. basic competent storytime#blah#amanda waller#istg i throw out another waller rant every freaking tuesday on here#suicide squad#you know what. at least we had the movie#you heard me. higher hopes for the new gunn dceu series than actual comics for the forseeable future#viola davis save me...#need to do a bit of 00s reading still to verify but on god watch this all come down to a fucking new 52 thing. like not to say that i think#thats where it all went wrong bc i need to read more to verify but i have an idea of what rlly did it and i think it was a nu52 decision#but then again maybe im stupid
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anyways sometimes i wonder if i'm meant to be connected with people. don't get me wrong i appreciate my friends, but like my quality of life wouldn't go down too much if i hadn't met them. i like digging information out of people. they lose a lot of appeal once i know too much about them. i don't really have any kind of interest in pursuing any kind of relationship with people, romantic or platonic. i could take people or leave them. dunno
#they're playing ahead by a century on the radio and it's great#i love the colour of that one. it's pretty much just a night sky. the instrumentals are a dark blue and the white stars#and his voice is a lovely green that makes me think of the northern lights#i know i talk shit but i don't think i could leave canada for good#might head further north eventually but i'll stay in the country#dunno i got some synesthesia that only shows up sometimes or some shit idfk man#though rn i am bitching about none of them understanding the situation from our (mine and my brothers) side#like yeah i know you guys have jobs.#are you trying to search for one for yourself?#while helping your parents business because if that goes under we're ROYALLY fucked?#while worrying about a buddy of yours genuinely going missing?#i'll b real he was a huge help by the end of that job once everyone else who liked me left#anyways#no? none of those apply? then shut the fuck up about us getting the dates wrong. we gave#god fucking dammit im trying to type and hit the wrong button im going to fucking make a bed with the fishes#yes we got the dates mixed up. cope. bitch. we have actual real life problems to deal with.#sorry our shit got in the way of your plans. i guess. still don't see why i had to apologise but maybe im just a genuinely shitty person#one self centered motherfucker#anyways thats my word vomit for the night. might delete l8r. dunno
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...
#its so weird. i feel like march 5th went on for more than a day somehow. i guess that's just bc we were awake for just abt all of it#my dad wanted to start doing things immediately so he was calling and scheduling all day. we went to the funeral home we went to the store#and it was weird bc as we were moving around it was like wow we r a 4 person family now. this is it. and theres so much to do after a person#dies. or at least there is when they were loved so much and jesus christ my mom was one of the best ppl a LOT of ppl knew. she did so much#for so so many ppl. and with her childhood she had every reason to b a fuck up but no she was kind and selfless and amazing. her mother is#trying to bask in the attention of her death when its like: truely go fuck urself. her being such a good person has nothing to do with u. u#treated her appallingly. fuck off. and fucking everyone knows it. god. she is a product of her grandparents kindness. and it sounds like her#dad was amazing like her. but he tragically died in a car wreck when she was 3. she was in the car. no one in my mums family believes in a#god now. too many bad things happened to the shining gems in a collection of wild alcoholics. but its not all bad. my family's staying close#my dad is taking it hard bc this means hes alone now and my mum took care of so many things bc she was so smart and he feels so dumb. he#feels he didnt deserve her. hes working on giving more hugs now. and hes using us to anxiously talk things out the way he did with mom#which is good. i cant imagine if this happened when we werent 3 adults and he was windowed with 3 kids to raise himself. and its funny. were#saying things we never would have told her. we looked thru pictures of her and she was so so beautiful. a total smoke show. my parents were#a cute couple who produced cute kids. and my mom had trouble communicating and being affectionate tho we knew she loved us there was#distance. theres a pic of my dad pulling her close and shes being tippef towarf her while standing away and thats indicitive of their#relationship. they were 2 partners who lived together independently and that worked but its sad bc my mum couldnt b vulnerable in her#expression. ppl r being so kind tho. ill be in ohio now for like 2.5 more weeks as the funeral stuff shakes out. we have to have 2 bc she#grew up away from her and so many ppl loved her in both locations. she was a popular lady. its so weird to b here on pause. but i feel clear#in my head. i think this will change a lot of my outlook on life. its nice to focus on the person she was and not the horrible 12hrs where i#saw her half dead. i cant imagine how awful it was for my sisters and dad to see her downslide into death. she didnt expect this to b The#Fever that killed her but it did and now she'll never finish a million things. and the house is full of pill bottles and all her junk and#unopened amazon packages and a truck with the fuel left on empty. bc she was an absent minded goofball. ay. well miss her so much#unrelated
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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest
#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression#both on its own and as a companion to ssris#psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression#so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default#state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it#origibberish#also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my#psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time#and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went#'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick#like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows#'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when#trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time#ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations#om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL#they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk#it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god#just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is#really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would#then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that#of withdrawal. a famously shit experience
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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