#'it doesnt seem like it' WELL IT DOESNT SEEM LIKE YOU ARE TRYING AT ALL. EVER.
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Stanford!art as a secret admirer pleaaaaase
hiii! sorry this took me literally a month to finish i am still not very good at keeping a drabble a drabble and this one really got away from me but i promise in the future that hopefully wont be the case....anywhoo! enjoy! (ty for being my first request ever!) also shoutout to diya for helping me a bit with characterizing art having a crush on someone! mwah!
admittedly, art felt like a creep. not enough to stop sneaking glances at you across the lecture hall but definitely enough to feel hot shame crawl up his neck whenever you would accidentally meet his eye contact.
he quickly glanced away and stared back at the blackboard, trying to pretend that's what he had been looking at all along.
he began fiddling with his pen, pushing the plastic end of it nervously against his lips. he could feel your eyes on him for a few moments longer before turning back around to face the professor.
great. now you probably actually thought he was a creep. which is not exactly how he planned your first form of contact to go.
...alright, to be fair, he never had an exact plan in the first place? but "make awkward eye contact" wouldn't have been a part of it. that's for sure.
he was a little out of his element here. stanford was a hell of a lot bigger than mark rebellato was.
back there, most of the girls knew him, sometimes even liked him already or he had patrick as his wingman. (or when it came to tashi, competition.) but here? he felt so unsure all of a sudden. it felt like all of the experience he had with dating seemed completely useless.
when he first saw you, he was still pretty infatuated with tashi. but that doesnt mean he didnt notice how hot you were. as more time passed the more he realized that tashi and patrick were apprently locked in (go figure the dude finally learns commitment just in time. read bitterness.) and the more he saw you, the more he heard you talk in class, the more he saw you laugh with your friends, the more you wouldnt leave his mind. not to mention how fucking smart you were. well, are.
the lecture ended and as always you were one of the first people out the door. you were always in a rush. or maybe you just had another class all the way on the other side of campus?
he wondered what your major was. he wondered if you knew he played tennis. he wondered if it would even impress you if you found out. he hoped it would.
---
art was sitting in the cafeteria stabbing his fork into his salad that consisted of like 70% veggies and 30% eggs.
he had to say, he was definitely getting sick of eggs at this point. he took a small sip of his gatorade.
usually, he drank blue, but he decided to try red today. maybe because it was patrick's favorite flavor or maybe because he needed at least a little change in routine.
unfortunately, as he went to place the bottle back down on the table, he almost knocked it over as soon as he suddenly noticed you standing by the vending machine. and then turning around. and.. walking towards him? holy shit.
at first, he thought you would just walk past him, but you stopped at his table. he didn't know if he believed in god, but at that moment, he certainly felt like a favorite.
"hey," you smiled politely, "sorry to bother you, but do you happen to have a quarter? that thing doesn't seem to take nickles." you nodded your head towards the vending machine at the entrance of the cafeteria.
"uh." his brain tried to play catch up. "um, yeah, let me check." he let out a small chuckle so he wouldn't sound so nervous, but it sounded more like he was wheezing. he pulled out his wallet, ripped apart the velcro, and checked. he silently celebrated when he noticed he did, in fact, have a few quarters. "yeah, how many do you need?" he looked up at you. his cheeks felt hot.
"oh, just one is fine." he nods, and suddenly, in front of your presence, it seems a lot harder to properly grab the quarter from his wallet. he does manage, though, and as he hands it to you, he feels your fingers brush against his palm.
as if transferred from your fingertips to his palm it felt like a surge went through his body, traveling through his arteries and sparking at the tips of his fingers and toes. you hand him your nickels in exchange. before you could turn to leave, he quickly interjected, "we're in the same class, right? english literature?"
he didnt know where he was going with this, he just wanted to keep talking to you.
your eyes flashed with recognition.
"oh, yeah! art, right? you sit behind me?" you knew his name. "yeah, yeah, that's right." he nodded, his fingers drummed against the table. there was a short lull in the conversation as he desperately tried to grasp for anything to talk about that wouldn't seem like he was hitting on you (even though he kind of was.)
"so, uh, this is actually good timing because i've been sorta meaning to talk to you anyway?" his lips pulled into a familiar charming lopsided smile.
"oh, really?" you tilted your head. "yeah." he nodded, his hand going to fidget with curls on the back of his neck that stuck out of his backwards cap.
"i, uh, need some help with some of the material, and, you know, you're so good-"
"oh, i'm not that-"
"nah, c'mon no need to be modest," there's that grin again, "i don't think i've ever seen you get a question wrong."
you huff, feeling embarrassed at the unexpected praise, "well, it's literature, so it's all interpretation, it's hard to be outright wrong."
"see, that answer just confirms it." he says.
you chuckle, finally giving in and accepting the compliment. "so..you want my help then?" he nods. he really prayed you would say yes because this was really his only plan on how to get to know you.
you mulled over it for a few seconds. then you nodded. "yeah, okay, let me give you my number and we can figure out the details later. i got another class in like-" you glanced back at the clock, "shit, 3 minutes."
you hastily ripped a piece of paper out of your notebook scribbled a number on it and left it on the table. "oh, and thanks for the quarter!" you yelled back (even though you didn't even get to use it) before booking it out of the cafeteria. guess he was right about you always being in a rush.
---
4:58 pm. 2 more minutes till you'd knock at his door. art did another once over of his room. now he wasn't exactly a messy guy but he had to admit his dorm had never been this clean before. actually maybe it was too clean...would you think that was weird? like would you think he was a neatfreak? girls probably weren't into that.
he began messing up his bedsheets just a little so it wouldnt look like he had just spent the past three hours obsessively cleaning every inch of his dorm. even though thats exactly what he did.
it was a pretty small room but you'd be surprised how long it can take to clean if you're doing a real deep clean. not to mention the pain in the ass that doing laundry in college was.
he did all of this because, keeping true to your word, you did make plans with him to help him out with some of the reading.
you : does 5pm on saturday work 4 u?? :-)
art : Yeah, I'm totally free!!
(in hindsight the two exclamation points were probably a bit much.)
just as he was about to check out his hair for the 5th time today, there was a knock on the door. he glanced at the little digital watch on his wrist. 5pm sharp. wow, you were punctual. was it weird that he found that hot?
art quickly brushes a few unruly curls that were sticking out of his backwards cap away with his fingers before moving to open the door.
---
"so, what's the exact stuff you're having trouble with?" you peered at him from his bed, which you were sitting on, which he was being very cool about.
you had asked him if it was okay to sit there after you had exchanged a few pleasantries and then chatted for about 10 minutes.
it was mostly about class at first, then turned into more personal topics. you asked him if he was on the tennis team, because of all the..well..tennis gear in his room.
he nodded and told you about his tennis scholarship. you chuckled and said you had never really watched any matches at stanford so far, but you'd like to see him play.
he really tried to not seem overly enthusiastic about that but he did tell you the exact time and date of his next match.
apparently, you thought the sport seemed "really impressive". ( i.e. you were impressed. i.e. you were impressed by him playing tennis. or that's at least how he heard it.)
then, after he found out you were an english major, which wasn't a surprise, you finally brought up the topic of studying.
he spun in his desk chair, to face you.
"just some of this..interpretive stuff...i feel like i never know what the professor wants to hear from me." he tapped the end of his pen against the book he was holding. "well.." you shifted into a cross-legged postion, you were wearing shorts and he was trying really hard not to stare at your legs.
"you probably shouldnt be thinking about that in the first place, you know, what the professor wants to hear? you should think about what you actually got from the book." he knew this was pretty standard advice but when you said it, it sounded like the most intelligent, world-changing thing he'd ever heard.
"riiight...what if i didnt get anything from it?" he smiled sheepishly, leaning his head on his hand. you scrunched up your nose and playfully rolled your eyes, "oh, come on, how can you read classic literature and not get anything from it? i don't believe that."
you scooted forward a little. a little closer to him. a nervous chuckle left his lips, his gaze swept back and forth between you and the book before settling on you.
truth be told, he was doing fine, at least grade-wise, and even if he wasn't, it wasn't like he was striving to become an english professor, he mostly decided to take this class on a whim. but the part about struggling with interpretations was true, it just maybe wasn't necessarily a dire enough situation to require your help...
"well, maybe youre not asking yourself the right questions before you read." you hummed, gently tapping your finger against your leg. "can i see your notes?"
art panicked a bit at that. he wasn't sure why, but suddenly someone looking at his notes felt oddly intimate. you would be able to read the bits and parts of the book he regarded as important enough to jot down. what he liked. what he didn't like. perhaps it was a little intimate.
he tried to play it casual, though, and nodded as he handed you his english lit folder. his nerves only got worse the longer you took to read through them.
then suddenly, you smiled and nodded a little bit before looking up at him again. he prayed that you couldn't see the way his heart was trying to escape his ribcage right now.
"you know, you couldve just asked me out."
before his brain could even process that sentence, his mouth seemed to go into immediate action to splutter out some kind of denial in order to salvage this, "what? i- no, no, that's not- i mean, seriously why would-"
"i mean, i wouldn't have said no. like you didn't have to pretend to need my help. you clearly don't need it-" you gently tossed his folder back onto the desk. "-plus you're cute."
he didn't move for a good few seconds until he finally caught up to what had just happened.
now, this would've been the moment where he would've liked to be really cool and smooth in his response, but instead what happened was: "um..so then are we..like are you.."
in his defense you kind of caught him off guard. like completely. he had had a plan. how the study sessions would transition into friendship, and then maybe, hopefully at some point would transition into dating. he was a patient guy, really, and you had just skipped like...everything.
"are you free tomorrow?" you asked, as you stood up to grab your bag. wow, you were really taking the wheel at this point. and he discovered that he had shockingly little problem with that.
"uh, yeah, yeah i'm free..like all day." he did have training in the morning but he truly would skip it just this once if it came down to it.
"2pm?"
"sure."
"i'll text you?"
"okay."
"so..it's a date?"
you had stood up from the bed and were suddenly already on your way out. probably because you could tell he needed a minute.
"yeah, a date." he nodded with a (almost lovestruck) smile he hadn't even noticed had snuck its way unto his lips. you reciprocated with an equally excited grin, "cool."
before he knew it, the door had clicked shut, and he was alone again. he felt warm.
"cool."
#also i didnt exactly proof read this so i might go back later and edit#ALSO YES the childhood bsf art donaldson fic is coming ive just hit a bit of a writers block with that one in particular#so i might write other stuff first#but trust i will finish it#challengers#art donaldson#art donaldson x reader#challengers x reader#challengers fic#challengers x you#art donaldson x you#ames writes~!
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i never know how to phrase it but something about the way beatles biographers and people in general view paul's reflexive placating persona and determination to smooth things over as manipulative or duplicitous and john's reflexive barbed persona and habit of lashing out as brave and subversive despite both being equally defensive mechanisms to shield themselves from the world that resulted in them saying things that weren't true says more about how we culturally view kindness or friendliness as inherently untrustworthy or flimsy and anger and carelessness as more believable as someone's true nature than it says about either of them in actuality
#the beatles#john lennon#paul mccartney#mclennon#idk if im explaining this well but it always gives me whiplash to read how 'beatles historians' elsewhere view them#bc it seems like for all that theyre able to make the simple connection between johns past and trauma to his behavior#as a protective mechanism to shield him from vulnerability#far fewer people make the equally reasonable connection between pauls past#with parents that never said i love you to each other or told their children about a serious illness#and an adult paul who doesnt examine his own feelings much less speak candidly about them#or stories like mike mccartney talking about being beaten by jim while paul yelled at him to just say that he 'didnt do it' so it would sto#and an adult paul who has clearly internalized the basic cause and effect of the things you say and the consequences that come from them#and how the truth is less relevant in those situations than the obvious path of least resistance that will spare you needless pain#idk i have a lot of thoughts and feelings on how people see paul mccartney#i want to shake some of these biographers and be like this mid-20s kid experiencing a level of scrutiny and pressure#the world had never seen before#was not puppeteering everything to meet his vision#he was trying to protect himself and his friends from the very real danger of public perception!!#my posts
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say cheese !
#tw eye strain#persona 4 spoilers#persona 4#p4#gsa sl au#moel gas station attendant#⛽️🌫#arttag#tappous#// i like to think nobody can really photograph them. like an actual cryptid#// the screen glitches or the picture corrupts or the lens never seems to focus or camera malfunctions and doesnt capture anything at all#// and because they left in haste. you try to remember them the best they can but your memories are quite literally fogged and clouded#// until they properly clean up what they left behind of themself. everyone will have to deal with the misery of knowing they lost somethi#// and not know what they lost. so it;s counterproductive on their intent to lessen everyone's despair at all and actually made things wors#// anyway i was doing uniform studies and decided to color them while i had the time hehe#// this was supposed to be a cuter post but oh well.
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I want you to know that Leo bringing out the pet names for Donnie gut me every time and I am always laying dead on the pavement /pos Keep at it!
INSTANT KILL
#ask#canary continuity#actually this is one of those things i couldve used for evil in CL#before everything after it leo never really spoke with these casual terms of endearment#like he'd pull out a 'donnie-baby' or a 'tello' when he's trying to be a suck up. or a 'bud'/'buddy' of course they all call donnie that#things that are affectionate quite clearly#but he wouldnt bring out the softer ones unless he REALLY meant it#using them in a condescending or rude fashion is just a line he would never cross#like its not something that would seem like a big deal but in a more metaphorical sense yeah itd be Rude#he shouldve done that at least once in CL it wouldve been evil. oh well#honestly a reason i put emphasis on this habit is because i dont think leo is as free from the parentification as he seems#he's their hypeman. he cheers them up when they're sad. him and raph do co-lead and argue about the way forward all the time#he keeps the mood light#and he's more openly protective of raph than the other way around!#leo doesnt say the quiet part out loud like raph does but he can be a caretaker too#he's saved from the worst of it but you can see it in his behavior. he's a part of this dynamic too#so i try to express it through his dynamic with donnie especially in CW#when he's locked in this side of himself all the time cause he has to be
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each other's world, torn apart
minecraft end poem as a conversation between two broken brothers.
(@hoverboards-and-dragons heyyyyy)
#help me i fear i will be attacked for this#i said 'hey ive done something' to arrow and gave no context#great start notos well done#but yeah i read the end of the poem and just. imagined them talking to each other / reuniting in some strange way with this#and i needed to get it out. since i should be asleep but who cares brainrot sure doesnt#trying to make the fact i tag arrow every time seem casual like hey. its me again. you knew this was coming but hi.#arrow's archangels#hazbin hotel#hazbin lucifer#hazbin michael#notosart#drawing session scribbles#dont look at me i had to check the poem order like 20 times before being confident enough to post i do not trust myself#ignoring all the rest of the poem btw. just. the conversation at the end. i must blorbo-ify#sorry if this is weird it will happen again#cheers to my scribbling handwriting. even more if you can read it lmaooooooo
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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New OCs
(briefly, humans and supernatural beings have to team up for building better relations with each other and all the supernaturals can shapeshift and take on human appearances but also have their 'original form'.)
OK so I was GOING to draw fanart today - I had a fun idea and everything! But health anxiety (and anti-anxiety meds) wore me out so I kinda .... slogged through OCs as a treat to me. I am going to go to the doctor tomorrow so HOPEFULLY it's all okay.
#my characters#also kite is the worst socially and says things he thinks are surely fitting for a human conversation#but ends up insulting grady with 99% of the comments and that makes grady not fond of him#but then grady is like super pleasant to others and doesnt know how to act around kite and flubs a lot too#its a disaster and the twins are like oh no this is painful#mr tengu that was so tacky you cant say that to a human#mr tengu you cant DO that to a human STOP BEING LIKE THIS#while callum is just like wow this is hilarious thanks for bothering my younger brother its adding character to his life#and kite is stressed because thats the least encouraging thing to hear ever thank you v much hes TRYING to adapt#but also kite isnt his real name and he doesnt know squat about humans BUT he knows they have the internet#and so hes like well the problem is i dont want to actually say my name to you all because what if i am Online (TM)#and so he asks for a new name and then is like he should name me - the tiny one who wants to kick my ass should name me#so grady is like ....... nooooo...... dont............ and then suggests kite bc he's done google research#and kite is a type of bird and according to wikipedia has some familiarity to tengu so therefore yeah#and kite is like !!!!!! DOES HE ! KNOW THINGS ! and happily accepts the slightly researched name while the other humans#are like grady stop that is bullying the poor guy leave him alone pick a normal name!#anyway not drawn yet but there is a human guy partner for the twins and he immediately is like perfect#i know which is which lets go out and explore the human world for your research#and they dont understand how he knows them apart so fast and none of the other humans seem to tell em apart#but then none of the humans are shocked at the guy who knows so the girls are like sir howst do you know#and hes just v casual oh right yeah younger identical twin sisters - i have Practice ! and they are endeared to him haha#anyway if you read all those tags ty#and yes in his tengu form he does actually have the long nose please do not be mad#i just dont draw noses normally and im too tired to practice rn so#i only drew the second one today anyway - the first pic was done a couple days ago but i didnt wanna post on main#but then here i am posting on main#im sorry
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i forgot grunt meant like henchman or whatever for a second i thought they were like yeah leonas bitch ass grunts and growls are partial proof to savanaclaw being an athletic leaning dorm lol
#well they also say that in the game not just the manga jkdlfhsdkl like in azuls union bday card#ace was like oh yeah ok you dont wanna be in savanaclaw cause theyre more athletic oriented right#and azul was like NO IM TALKING ABOUT THE SUN SHUT UP!!! jsdklfhsdklfj#anyway i was on the wiki cuz i was trying to remember what their dorm's trait thing is like according to the mirror but i DONT SEE IT.#i rememeber i get it confused with pomesiores . like i think one of theirs is tenacity . but idr which one LOL#the other is maybe endurance...????#that doesnt sound right. i feel like it was broader than that#WAIT I LIED IT DOES SAY IT AT THE TOP i just. missed that part. it IS tenacity lol#what the fuck was pomefiore then....#oh ya theirs according to the wiki is UNRELENTING EFFORTS which i think i did see sometimes written as like endurance or fortitude or smthn#anyway. savanaclaw and pomefiore's ~core value~ always felt similar to me. but also maybe i just dont know what words mean <3#not in a 'theyre too similar' way like i do think theyre different. i just think it's INCH RESTING when things r like#theyre similar. theres overlap. but theres enough distinction to put them apart#actually them being similar in some regards does feel reinforced by the rook hunt situation like he went from one to the other#and seems to be thriving regardless.... we're onto something here...#hmm what were the others.. i think heartslabyul was strictness...#ok the wiki says severity i think ive seen either eng or a translation that called it strictness lol but severity i feel like is maybe#better word choice.. just a lil... nuances nuances whatever anyway idr the others. actually wait no i know octavinelles is like#benevolence bc azul keeps mentioning it- the wiki says compassion. lol. idk if i just keep remembering close enough or like#remembering fan vs official tls. i think the wiki is doing its own direct tl and not engtwst but moving ON#scarabia is deliberation... ignihyde is diligence... diasomnia is elegance???#why is diasomnia the only one that didnt sound familiar At All LOL i dont REMEMBER THAT ONE#i remembered vaguely what scarabia was bc they make a point of mentioning it in like end of 4 or start of 5?#when they were like yeah we value foresight or w/e in scarabia so jamil hasnt been ousted right away. i like scarabia their#way of showing the different ways deliberation works with like jamil vs how it does in kaliim vs the npcs#like theyre all different ppl but still fit that criteria in their own unique ways.... hell yeah...#anyway yay i got ONE right on the nose [as the wiki has it listed anyway lol] thanks savanaclaw
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alhaitham is such a lying liar who lies dude. acting like he and the sumeru boys gang have always been besties since forever. "that's how it's always been with the four of us" - man who has barely spoken to most of these people before he decided to team up with them to overthrow the government and regularly skips social gatherings with them. yeah right buddy ok
#explicitly said that he's barely spoken to cyno before when they clash in the archon quest#will literally just skip or show up late when they do meet up#very notably had a huge falling out with kaveh that ended with them not speaking for years#does he even talk to tighnari?? like one on one???? do they hang out????#i stg kaveh and tighnari are the glue holding the whole situation together#the other 2 are just off to the side being autistic#well cyno actually tries to be social alhaitham doesnt give a fuck lmao#alhaitham after speaking to people that do not annoy him about once a month: 'hmm. i love my best friends'#he adopted a status quo and now simply pretends there has never been a different one#hes so fucking funny#genshin fans who try to make him some kind of big dick sexyman you are so wrong hes a silly goofy clown to me#on a more serious note i do actually much prefer the interpretation of this being a friendship they formed as adults#and everyone involved has different levels of closeness with each other#rather than making them all mutual best friends with each other (even since school sometimes). i think thats a lot more interesting#and canon is weirdly ambiguous about it so shrug#like the current friend groups as it is seems to be a relatively recent formation based on canon bits but then the writers lean into it#so hard as their Thing its a bit odd. but also fun to play with. they dont need to have always been friends to be close
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Just some thoughts again for this episode sorry but....
Kyouka protecting Atsushi
Tanizaki getting triggered when they hurt Kenji (maybe not as unhinged as he is with Naomi but HE WAS PROTECTIVE OF KENJI)
The way the water the ADA stood next to rippled as soon as they stood up and decided to choose the path that led to less loss of lives...a ripple effect??
YOSANO'S BUTTERFLIES ANIMATED I AM OBSESSED
ALL the character moments like Kenji encouraging the ADA, Tanizaki being frustrated and protective, Kunikida never letting any of them die, Yosano saving them all with her ability, Kyouka going back for Atsushi, poor Atsushi being so out of the loop -
I wonder where the hideout Yosano was going to take them to was going to be....
#also idk if this belongs in the main post but i am obsessed with the way each agency member has a similar aged parallel to them#like a parallel within the agency that really plays off the whole life/death symbolism#like yosano/ranpo....dazai/kunikida....kyouka/kenji....and atsushi/tanizaki#hear me out the first have yosano as an angel of death and ranpo in his backstory confront an angel of death#yosano with a bloodstained past and ranpo with a fairy happy one#and then obviously kunikida with his ideals for life and dazai with his ideal to die#kyouka with her past as an assassin and kenji with his past as a farmer (cultivating life)#and then atsushi and tanizaki being....rather extremists but also just slightly ambiguous where they stand in this dichotomy#like atsushi obviously seems like life and tanizaki seems to be death but theyre both...well there is something anyway#BUT how in the end all of them choose life (yes even dazai) and how all of them still understand the deadliness and death of the world#armed detective agency my beloveds honestly#i cherish them all so much#and also even though the similar aged thing doesnt really work out here im gonna say fukuzawa and naomi can be a parallel#for the sole reasons that both are here really because of someone else even if one is the pres and the other a clerk#but fukuzawa is all about 'you are CHILDREN please be safe'#and naomi is like 'im gonna die with you or not try and stop me'#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd season 4#bsd s4 spoilers#bsd spoilers#spitting nonsense#bsd musings#armed detective agency#rambling in the tags sorry
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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man. totk couldve been so good
#thinking of the links awakening sequel to alttp post and how games contrast/mirror each other#i cant say totk was super close to it. well maybe it was based on the first trailer but not anymore !#there were moments to be sure (sky island music + the great sky island) but the bulk of it is. Not#it feels less of a sequel to botw and more like a spinoff game. the world is hollow when you see the cracks and the cracks are Everywhere#npcs are wrong the structure is more linear (the great sky island for ex) the replacement of the sheikah with the zonai but it not working#due to the fact that the sheikah are still referenced and its the Same Place where literally all of the events of botw and prior happened#like. it Could In Theory Work but its trying to erase the sheikahs presence entirely which. no!! thats not how that works??#instead of mirroring or parallel and highlighting them Both it tries to scrub one out over the other#the emphasis on a Greater Past- botw focusing on 100 years prior which he and zelda and the champions and. The World have a connection to#vs totk doing more than 10000 years prior which would Seem better at first glance but it informs nothing about hyrule and nothing meaningfu#l was lost. its just a set piece to show rauru and sonias conflict with ganondorf#theres no. Connections. like it doesnt matter to ganondorf hes just oOoOoo evil and it somehow doesnt affect his goals or motives#the sky islands cant imply any context because there Is no context theyre just scattered ruins with no significance#rauru laments about the constructs but Thats It. everything is just there to be cool#especially the old temple of time/the temple of time in the sky. Why does that exist at all#its like. i wish any of this stuff was important At All but you can tell its not.#sorry for the hater post i just think its neat how botw informs totk and how totk ended up Like That. How.
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dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!
#raise your pencils!!!! and erasers. to fix the backwards letters 😔#sorry still thinking about my weirdness with my art professors. yknow a lot of em have been really pushing us as#students to make our personal identities a major part of like our 'brand' as artists#which. well from an art history major perspective thats a very contentious and nuanced topic. i love a lot of artists who live this way#and i think its great seeing my peers who focus on identity thrive. but also as an fine arts major (double major fool LOL)#i keep getting pushed by teachers into like. specific '____ artist' identities???#specificaly woman artist. which is a little bizarre because im a bit fat and a bit gnc so im generally like. ungendered? in day-to-day life#(which doesnt actually matter to me directly that much honestly LOL people tend to view me as like. buddy? buddy or pal.)#(not man. not woman. not anything human. sometimes i remind people of a beloved dog. which. hkdsahjk thats its own can of worms)#(a can of worms that also doesnt matter much to me directly because im a wannabe furry who chose to be the dog when playing house as a kid)#(LOL so um. well. theres that) but yeah i dunno i dont really consider myself a woman artist. its been. shockingly (and sometimes luckily?)#irrelevant to most of my life and experiences and art (although dont get me wrong misogyny is very real and very present) so i dont#have a whole lot to say about it from an art perspective. you could also call me all kinds of things. a queer artist. a mixed race artist#again technically correct. some aspects more visible in my work than others. but also very technical. i focus on race a lot in in my#art historical work but i dunno how much my drawings have to say. except that i keep making too many mixed ocs LOL#i dunno i just think my professors gotta focus that energy away from tokenizing me and over to supporting like actual#capital W Woman artists capital Q Queer artists capital A Artists of Colour who are doing far more interesting things than I#far more thought out and engaged in these topics directly. i just kind of stumble into my art blindly and confused <3#sorry that was a long tangent WHAT IM SAYING Is despite all that: i do consider myself a capital D Dysgraphic artist#i think its an unmovable constant of my art and the way i draw and the way my hands move. the untrained eye doesnt seem to be as aware#of it directly. but those who are familiar can probably see it. the dysgraphia LOL if not just from whenever i write a letter or number#half of them are busted and frantically fixed HDKJSDJDS but its in all my art. if u can see it <3 ive been trying to embrace it#dygraphic artists raise your pencils indeed!! and throw away the eraser!!! make the legibility of your words everyone elses problem!!!#what does that say? what is that sketch? none of my business! none of your business!! its the business of my hand and the pencil alone#motor skill and spatial issues take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel
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kh2 au where everythings exactly the same except roxas is hanging around sora chara style. hes not particularly a vengeful spirit but hes not very nice either. also nobody but sora can see him. hijinks ensue.
#in all seriousness i think roxas would be mildly helpful#like not super nice#like he probably has a lot of unresolved hatred of sora#but hes sorta stuck with him so.#i think it would be fun for character development and for hijinks#this is very much inspired by narra chara and shared control aus for deltarune#i dont think roxas would tell sora much about who he is for a while#as far as sora knows hes just a weird ghost who seems to know a lot about their enemies yknow yknow#i think hed stick around until the world that never was#leading up to that i think when axel dies hed just. go silent#like hes still there but he wont talk to sora#and then a little while later theres his fight#and then he leaves#why is roxas a ghost you may be asking#and to that i say#something something he doesnt like sora idk ive thought about this for exactly. 10-20 minutes#honestly this is mostly just me wanting more roxas content and making a self indulgent au about it#i havent played kh3 but i think sora having a very personal connection to roxas besides what was already there would be more motivation-#-for trying to bring him back#again idk whats going on in that game very well but#idk it could be fun#this would be really fun to turn into a fic lmao#doodles#roxas#sora#kingdom hearts#none of this is very thought out to be clear#also someones definitely already made this au but i dont care#i havent seen it yet#ghost roxas au
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thinking about how he probably didn't have an patch/anything outspoken that screamed 'street medic' to his attire *slight safety precaution where try to balance being an sign of aid and not becoming a target etc (aside you know the supplies in his bag/preventative precautions depending on the circumstances) but that act 2-into post act 3 it becomes more an recognizable thing.
#my lucky star is a black hole ☤ mun#(the first real sign being the mask he makes? of all those medical symbols on it is iconic)#(canon doesnt seem to have an 'this is a medical symbol' and if it did would likely vary as well rely on setting)#(in zaun probably circumstantial just trying to stitch together your allies or self as opposed to steb's full on situation)#(very few full on field medics when it comes to the enforcers)#(me with a whole street medic handbook open just thinking how its an tough job and more so in steb's circumstances)#(distrusting steb makes sense for lots of people)#(somebody: do you have a hero complex or some shit)#(steb: Nope! this is pure compassion for others which is probably freakier in your eyes)#(even up in piltover it's given lots of side eye of a different sort)#(people so quick to judge or assume and steb is just there like wow compassion its so scary to comprehend)#('you arent that human' and steb is just like lmao more than you are pal which is why i wont reply to your bs)
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Also what is going on with the Daydreaming One??? She has a sister but can't remember her name to the point that she believes she's an only child. Did the sister went to that island in the north that mysteriously disappeared that no one can say the name of anymore? Is that also the island where the king came from cuz whenever you beat him, he keeps saying how he still can't say "it." What's "it"?
#ariaplays: isat#isat spoilers#aight thats enough for the day again. but for the next loop am gon try and get a LOT done. and by that i just mean get me#here. looking for an item has got to be the biggest struggle ive ever had cuz i suck at remembering Which is Where#also the lil phrase the king says before beginning battle is a bit awkward cuz he's like: let's see which one the universe favors#well... im sorry to break it to you my guy but its definitely not you. speaking of awkward siffrin seems to have hit home with#when talking with loop bout how siff started calling everyone ''family members.'' honestly im soooo curious bout what#is up with loop. that theory hangout was one thing but like their Whole thing is so mysterious and interesting in that i#wanna know a lot bout em. they also did tell siff that theyve been in a similar situation before too. being in a timeloop#howd that happen. howd they get outta it. why do they know bout siff but siff doesnt know them. what happened to them#why do they look the way that they do and what did they mean bout siff being ''all that's left.'' so many questions...#yet so lil answers. well id get the answers sooner or later! first... i need to figure out where tf is that article bout the king
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