#using them in a condescending or rude fashion is just a line he would never cross

[qoldenskies]

I want you to know that Leo bringing out the pet names for Donnie gut me every time and I am always laying dead on the pavement /pos Keep at it!

INSTANT KILL

[gimme-mor]

BETWEEN THE LINES: NIGHT COURT ELAIN & SPRING COURT FEYRE

*DISCLAIMER*

This is a really long post and based on my interpretation of the text.

This is strictly an analysis of Elain as a character because, in my opinion, there isn’t a lot of talk about Elain outside of ships and conversations about her character arc typically revolve around to whom she is paired, especially if that person is Azriel. She is her own character and gets the short end of the stick in the fandom because everyone is more concerned about who she’s shipped with rather than her as a character.

Also, anyone who is rude/condescending will automatically be blocked.

In ACOSF, SJM went out of her way on two occasions to highlight Elain not looking good in black. While it may be minor or insignificant to some, I think those instances were meant to show something about Elain specifically and what she may be going through in the Night Court. Elain has been a passive character for the most part, contributing to things in her own way earlier in the series. But after she was taken by the Cauldron, her safety has become everyone’s main concern and the other characters have slowly excluded her from courtly matters. In ACOWAR, this was understandable because she was traumatized and not fully present. However, as of ACOSF, Elain was still excluded from courtly matters with the other characters heavily relying upon Nesta, who made her reservations known, because they were on a time constraint and couldn’t afford to wait for Elain to reacquaint herself with her powers.

The fact that the other characters use the kidnapping situation to excuse their current actions toward Elain is eerily similar to the way Tamlin and Lucien used the Under the Mountain events to excuse Tamlin’s actions toward Feyre in ACOMAF. And the characters use Elain and Feyre’s safety to justify why neither of them should be involved. In my opinion, Elain in the Night Court resembles Feyre in the Spring Court because not only do they experience similar things, but both of them are (or were in Feyre’s case) in places that stunt their growth. Even though Night Court Elain isn’t exposed to all of the things that Spring Court Feyre was exposed to, the similarities in their experiences (and how those similarities might potentially impact Elain similarly to the way they impacted Feyre) shouldn’t be overlooked.

Being monitored

Feyre

I was too watched－too monitored and judged. Why should the bride of the High Lord learn to fight if peace had returned? That had been Ianthe’s reasoning when I’d made the mistake of mentioning it at dinner. Tamlin, to his credit, had seen both sides: I’d learn to protect myself...but the rumors would spread. (ACOMAF)

“Tamlin－Tamlin, I can’t...I can’t live my life with guards around me day and night. I can’t live with that...suffocation. Just let me help you－let me work with you.” (. . .) “I’m drowning,” I managed to say. “I am drowning. And the more you do this, the more guards...You might as well be shoving my head under the water.” (ACOMAF)

Elain

Nesta said, “The Trove. And what happened the last time I scried.” Feyre said, “We won’t allow any harm to come to Elain. Rhys warded her this morning, and we have eyes on her at all times.” “Eyes can be blinded,” Nesta said. “Not the ones under my command,” Azriel said with soft menace. Nesta met his stare, knowing he was the only one aside from Feyre who could truly understand her hesitation. He’d gone with Feyre into the heart of Hybern’s camp to save Elain－he knew the risk. “We won’t make the same mistake twice.” She believed him. “All right.” (ACOSF)

Trying to fit in

Feyre

I hated the bright dresses that had become my daily uniform, but didn’t have the heart to tell Tamlin－not when he’d bought so many, not when he looked so happy to see me wear them. Not when his words weren’t far from the truth. The day I put on my pants and tunics, the day I strapped weapons to myself like fine jewelry, it would send a message far and clear across the lands. So I wore the gowns, and let Alis arrange my hair－if only so it would buy these people a measure of peace and comfort. (ACOMAF)

I sometimes debated asking her to pray for me as well. To pray that I’d one day learn to love the dresses, and the parties, and my role as a blushing, pretty bride. (ACOMAF)

Elain

And he knew the cruelty of the Hewn City troubled her. But she hadn’t hesitated to come. When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was a part of this court－and would do whatever she needed. (ACOSF)

So Elain had let her golden-brown hair down tonight, and pinned it back with twin combs of pearl. He’d never once in the two years he’d known her found Elain to be plain, but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court...It sucked the life from her. (ACOSF)

Pretending everything’s all right

Feyre

“Fine,” I breathed. I made myself look him in the eye, made myself smile. (ACOMAF)

Elain

“And you?” I made myself say. “Are you－all right?” Elain looked over a shoulder at me as we entered the foyer, then turned left－to the dining room. In the sitting room across the way, all conversation halted at the smell of food. “Why wouldn’t I be all right?” she asked, a smile lighting up her face. I’d seen those smiles before. On my own damn face. (ACOFAS)

Clothes not looking right on them

Feyre

I really, truly hated my wedding gown. It was a monstrosity of tulle and chiffon and gossamer, so unlike the loose gowns I usually wore: the bodice fitted, the neckline curved to plump my breasts, and the skirts...The skirts were a sparkling tent, practically floating in the balmy spring air (. . .) I might have dealt with it all if it weren’t for the puffy capped sleeves, so big I could almost see them glinting from the periphery of my vision. My hair had been curled, half up, half down, entwined with pearls and jewels and the Cauldron knew what, and it had taken all my self-control to keep from cringing at the mirror before descending the sweeping stairs into the main hall. (ACOMAF)

I again surveyed the room, my wedding gown hissing on the warm marble floors. I peered down at myself. You look ridiculous. (ACOMAF)

Elain

Elain in black was ridiculous. Yes, she was beautiful, but the color of her long-sleeved, modest gown leeched the brightness from her face. It wore her, rather than the other way around. (ACOSF)

Looking good in clothes that suit them and that fact being pointed out

Feyre

My high-waisted peach pants were loose and billowing, gathered at the ankles with velvet cuffs of bright gold. The long sleeves of the matching top were made of gossamer, also gathered at the wrists, and the top itself hung just to my navel, revealing a sliver of skin as I walked. Comfortable, easy to move in－to run. Feminine. Exotic. (ACOMAF)

But those claws now dug in－and my entire body, my heart, my lungs, my blood yielded to his grip, utterly at his command as he said, The fashion of the Night Court suits you. (ACOMAF)

Elain

Gone was the ill-suited black dress from the ball, replaced by a gown of amethyst velvet, her hair half-up and curling down to her waist. She glowed with good health. (ACOSF)

People not wanting them to be involved in things

Feyre

“I want to go.” “No.” I crossed my arms, tucking my tattooed hand under my right bicep, and spread my feet slightly further apart on the dirt floor of the stables. “It’s been three months. Nothing’s happened, and the village isn’t even five miles－” “No.” (ACOMAF)

“I could use my powers against Hybern.” “That’s out of the question,” Tamlin said, “especially as there will be no war against Hybern.” “Rhys says war is inevitable, and we’ll be hit hard.” Lucien said drily, “And Rhys knows everything?” “No－but...He was concerned. He thinks I can make a difference in any upcoming conflict.” Tamlin flexed his fingers－keeping those claws contained. “You have no training in battle or weaponry. And even if I started training you today, it’d be years before you could hold your own on an immortal battlefield.” He took a tight breath. “So despite what he thinks you might be able to do, Feyre, I’m not going to have you anywhere near a battlefield. Especially if it means revealing whatever powers you have to our enemies. You’d be fighting Hybern at your front, and have foes with friendly faces at your back.” “I don’t care－” “I care,” Tamlin snarled. Lucien whooshed out a breath. “I care if you die, if you’re hurt, if you will be in danger every moment for the rest of our lives. So there will be no training, and we’re going to keep this between us.” (ACOMAF)

Elain

“Nesta’s spine straightened. No one spoke, but their attention lingered on her like a film on her skin. ‘You will not go looking for it.’” (ACOSF)

“Then go off on adventures,” Nesta said. “Go drink and fuck strangers. But stay away from the Cauldron.” (. . .) “Keep out of this,” she hissed at her youngest sister. “I have no doubt you put these thoughts in her head, probably encouraging her to throw herself into harm’s way－” (ACOSF)

Amren said, “We do not have the time to wait for Nesta to decide. I say we approach Elain tomorrow. Better to have both of them working on it.” Azriel stiffened, an outright sign of temper from him as he said quietly, “There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.” “But Nesta should?” Cassian growled. Everyone stared at him. He swallowed, offering an apologetic glance to Az, who shrugged it off. Amren drained her wine and said to Cassian, “Nesta has a week. One more week to find the Trove with her own methods. Then we seek out other routes.” She threw a nod toward Azriel. “Including Elain, who is more than capable of defending herself against the darkness of the Trove, if she chooses to. Don’t underestimate her.” (ACOSF)

“I think Eris is our ally, and will expect to dance with a lady of this court at the ball no matter what. I won’t let Feyre within five feet of him, Mor might kill him, and Amren is more likely to scare him off than win him over, so you and Elain are the only options.” “Elain doesn’t go near him,” Feyre said. (ACOSF)

Their safety being brought up when they want to be involved

Feyre

“Please. The recovery efforts are so slow. I could hunt for the villagers, get them food－” “It’s not safe,” Tamlin said, again nudging his stallion into a walk. The horse’s coat shone like a dark mirror, even in the shade of the stables. “Especially not for you.” He’d said that every time we had this argument; every time I begged him to let me go to the nearby village of High Fae to help rebuild what Amarantha had burned years ago (. . .) “People want to come back, they want a place to live－” “Those same people see you as a blessing－a marker of stability. If something happened to you…” (. . .)Tamlin said softly, “I can’t do what I need to if I’m worrying about whether you’re safe.” (ACOMAF)

“I’m sorry about earlier,” he murmured. “It’s fine,” I breathed. “I understand.” Not a lie, but not quite the truth. His fingers grazed lower, circling my belly button. “You are－you’re everything to me,” he said thickly. “I need...I need you to be all right. To know they can’t get to you－can’t hurt you anymore.” (ACOMAF)

“Tamlin got what I didn’t,” Lucien said softly, his breathing ragged. “We all heard your neck break. But you got to come back. And I doubt that he will ever forget that sound, either. And he will do everything in his power to protect you from that danger again, even if it means keeping secrets, even if it means sticking to rules you don’t like. In this, he will not bend. So don’t ask him to－not yet.” (ACOMAF)

“Did he let you take me today,” I said hoarsely, “so that I’d stop asking to help rebuild?” “No. I decided to take you myself. For that exact reason. They don’t want or need your help. Your presence is a distraction and a reminder of what they went through.” (. . .) “I know you wanted to help,” Lucien offered. “I’m sorry.” So was I. (ACOMAF)

Elain

“The last time we involved ourselves with the Cauldron, it abducted you,” Nesta countered, fighting her shaking. (ACOSF)

“Like calls to like,” Amren countered. “You were Made by the Cauldron. You may track other objects Made by it as well, as Briallyn can. And because you are Made by it, you are immune to the influence and power of the Trove. You might use them, yes, but they cannot be used upon you.” A glance to Elain. “Either of you.” Nesta swallowed. “I can’t.” But to let Elain involve herself, jeopardize her safety－ (ACOSF)

Nesta’s pulse pounded throughout her body. “Do you not remember the war? What we encountered? Do you not remember the Cauldron kidnapping you, bringing you into the heart of Hybern’s camp?” “I do,” Elain said coldly. (ACOSF)

If it was between her and Elain, there was no choice at all. She would always go first if it meant keeping Elain from harm. Even if she’d just hurt her sister more than she could stomach. (ACOSF)

Pushing back against what others want

Feyre

He hissed, “You have no idea how hard it is for him to even let you off the estate grounds. He’s under more pressure than you realize.” “I know exactly how much pressure he endures. And I didn’t realize I’d become a prisoner.” “You’re not－” He clenched his jaw. “That’s not how it is and you know it.” “He didn’t have any trouble letting me hunt and wander on my own when I was a mere human. When the borders were far less safe.” “He didn’t care for you the way he does now. And after what happened Under the Mountain…” The words clanged in my head, along my too-tense muscles. “He’s terrified. Terrified of seeing you in his enemies’ hands. And they know it, too－they know all they have to do to own him would be to get ahold of you.” “You think I don’t know that? But does he honestly expect me to spend the rest of my life in that manor, overseeing servants and wearing pretty clothes?” (ACOMAF)

Elain

Cassian shifted in his seat. “So we track down the Dread Trove－how?” Elain spoke from the doorway, having appeared so silently that they all twisted toward her, “Using me.” Nesta’s head went silent as Elain’s words finished sounding in the room. Feyre had twisted in her seat, face white with alarm. Nesta shot to her feet. “No.” Elain remained in the doorway, her face pale but her expression harder than Nesta had ever seen it. “You do not decide what I can and cannot do, Nesta.” (ACOSF)

“It nearly killed me. It trapped me like a bird in a cage.” Elain said, “Then I will find it. I might require some time to...reacquaint myself with my powers, but I could start today.” “Absolutely not,” Nesta spat, fingers curling at her sides. “Absolutely not.” “Why?” Elain demanded. “Shall I tend to my little garden forever?” When Nesta flinched, Elain said, “You can’t have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to lead a small, quiet life while also refusing to let me do anything greater.” (ACOSF)

Being used as pawns against others

Feyre

“We need you to tell us everything,” Tamlin said. “The layout of the Night Court, who you saw, what weapons and powers they bore, what Rhys did, who he spoke to, any and every detail you can recall.” “I didn’t realize I was a spy.” Lucien shifted in his seat, but Tamlin said, “As much as I hate your bargain, you’ve been granted access into the Night Court. Outsiders rarely get to go in－and if they do, they rarely come out in one piece. And if they can function, their memories are usually...scrambled. Whatever Rhysand is hiding in there, he doesn’t want us knowing about it.” (ACOMAF)

Elain

Rhys angled his head at the not-quite question. “I trust in the fact that we currently have possession of the one thing he wants above all else. And as long as that remains, he’ll try to stay on our good side. But if that changes...His talent was wasted in the Spring Court. There was a reason he had that fox mask, you know.” His mouth tugged to the side. “If he got Elain away, back to Spring or wherever...do you believe, deep down, that he wouldn’t sell what he knows? Either for gain, or to ensure she stays safe?” “You let him hear everything tonight, though.” (. . .) I considered his question: Did I trust Lucien? “I don’t know, either,” I admitted, and sighed. “I don’t like that Elain is a pawn in this.” “I know. It’s never easy.” (ACOWAR)

Cassian glowered at Amren. “It’s not right to wield Elain as a threat to manipulate Nesta into scrying.” “There are harsher ways to convince Nesta, boy.” (ACOSF)

Although Elain and Feyre are surrounded by two different groups of people with varying levels of care for their wellbeing, they’re treated similarly which is hard to overlook. In Elain’s situation, Nesta, Azriel, and Feyre take on the “Tamlin role” (either undermining Elain’s attempts to contribute to things or preventing Elain from helping altogether) while everyone else takes on the “Lucien role” (validating the concerns of others while also enabling their behaviors, which doesn’t support Elain’s desire to be involved).

[weasleymalfoypotter]

don’t pick fights

regulus black x lupin reader

summary : remus lupin’s little sister and regulus black don’t get off on the right foot, but regulus seems to like how she doesn’t back down easy like he’s used to

word count : 3k

warnings : angst if you squint, threats, fluff, cussing

A/N : this took forever to write but i love it a lot. it’s a long one but i hope you like it!!

walking in the hallways of hogwarts with your nose buried in a book wasn’t a good idea, but i’m way too invested in the story to put it away. i turned a corner and ran straight into someone’s chest. i dropped my book and immediately went to pick it up while apologizing

“oh, sorry, i’m so sorry i didn’t meant to-“ a voice cut me off, i looked up to see who it belonged to

“watch where you’re going” he seethed rudely. the boy with black hair, dark eyes, fair skin, and dark green robes rolled his eyes as he pushed past me with his friends. that was rude. i called after him, he was only a few feet away

“there was no need to be rude” i said sternly. he and his friends stopped and turned around

“excuse me?” he said. i don’t know who this boy thinks he is but the attitude is pissing me off. his face showed his irritation

“i said there was no need to be rude” my tone was firm “i apologized to you, so there was no need to be so rude” i stood tall and tilted my head, eyes narrowing at him as he walked toward me.

“i’m sorry, do you know who i am?” what the hell does that matter?

“no and frankly i don’t care” his hand was holding his wand by his side and his grip was firm. i would really like to see him try something. at this point there was a little bit of. a crowd around us. i’m way too stubborn and way to gryffindor to back down and let him walk all over me. that’s not my style. he chuckled to himself as he looked down on me

“well you should know who you’re picking fights with, because picking one with me wasn’t a good idea” he said with a condescending smile. ugh what a git.

“actually” i said with and equally condescending smile “you’re the one who picked a fight with me, and that was your mistake” he pulled his wand up and lightly pressed it to my throat. i raised my eyebrows unimpressed. threatening me wasn’t going to do anything but piss me off even more.

“really? honestly i suggest you back down before you regret it” he said. this was getting ridiculous, and i’m surprised a professor hasn’t found us with the small crowd gathered in the hallway around us. i laughed and pushed my throat further against his wand, my eyes locked on his

“is that supposed to intimidate me? do something i dare you.” he stared at me for a moment. only now did i realize how close he was to me. a familiar voice along with the shuffling of people broke me out of my thoughts and when he spoke i took my throat off of the boy’s wand and turned my head

“what the hell is going on?” my brother pushed his way through the crowd with his friends , sirius and james.

“regulus what are you doing? what’s going on?” sirius asked looking at the both of us while remus put a hand on my shoulder and backed me away from the boy. my face showed my confusion. regulus? regulus black? neither me or the boy answered their questions as we looked back and forth between them and each other

“wait, regulus” i pointed between sirius and the boy “as in your brother?” regulus looked confused at the fact that i knew sirius

“yeah have you two not met?” sirius asked with a laugh

“we did a few moments ago” regulus said, unamused, while staring me down “you two know each other?” he asked and sirius looked confused at the question

“well yeah she’s y/n lupin... remus’ little sister” regulus’ eyebrows raised at that.

“alright” said my brother “everyone get to class and you two” he gestured between me and regulus “no more dueling in the hallways” he said before he and james turned to walk away, taking me with them. what i didn’t hear was what sirius said to regulus before catching up with us.

-

sirius grabbed his brother’s shoulder before he walked away and spoke

“hey man don’t pick any more fights with her alright?” he warned

“and why not?” regulus questioned with a face of confusion

“because she’ll win” said sirius with his lips pulled into a thin line while patting regulus on the shoulder and turning to catch up with james, remus, and y/n. regulus stayed there for a moment, his friends went ahead without him. she was rather feisty, and definitely not intimidated by regulus at all. he wasn’t sure if it bothered or impressed him.

-

remus and james were already teasing me when sirius caught up and put his arm around me in a brotherly fashion and laughed

“nice job back there little lupin, i see you and brother get along quite nicely” he was smiling and i rolled my eyes while remus and james laughed

“i swear sirius, he is the most arrogant asshole i’ve ever met” i said with a laugh and james jokingly scoffed

“i thought that title belonged to snivellus?” he laughed out.

“okay the second most arrogant asshole i’ve ever met, no offense to you sirius” he laughed at that

“none taken, i’ve been saying that since he was born” we all chuckled “but seriously what was all that about?” he asked as we walked

i explained the whole encounter and sirius looked at me wide eyed and incredulously and remus shook his head and laughed while james looked impressed. “what?” i asked

“it’s just that no one has ever talked to regulus like that so props to you little lupin” james said with a smile on his face.

“i guarantee he’s still shocked at your reaction to the whole wand thing, very impressive” sirius said with a light tone. i laughed and we all walked into the gryffindor common room and changed the subject to their next prank that remus disapproved of immediately. i wasn’t a marauder technically but i hung around with them a lot, in their opinion i’m mature and orderly like remus but still fun like sirius and james so they like having me around. sirius and james are kind of my honorary big brothers too, they both look after me and are just as, if not more, protective than remus.

-

it’s the next day and i’m walking to my transfiguration class and i realized i had it with slytherin. i knew we were in the same year from what sirius has said in the past about his brother and i started thinking back to my last transfiguration lessons trying to remember ever seeing him in class. my efforts were fruitless but when i walked in sure enough. i recognized the dark haired boy and his friends and they eyed me as i walked to my seat. i’d never noticed them before, i loved transfiguration for some reason and i disliked slytherins strongly so i never paid any attention to them. the entire lesson i could feel his eyes on me.

the bell rang and i packed up my stuff, pulled my leather back pack straps over my shoulders and walked out of the classroom and into the hallway. regulus and his friends are standing by the wall in the direction i was walking in to get to my next class. the one facing my direction tilted his head towards me and they all turned and looked. his friends walked away and regulus met me where i was and an obvious look of confusion crept onto my face.

“can i talk to you for a moment?” he asked when he reached me. he sounded...calm? i expected an attitude or something snarky.

“umm...sure?” he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards an empty classroom close to where we were standing. “wait what are you doing?”

“come in here” he said. we got into the classroom and he shut the door

“what do you want?” i asked, irritated. i didn’t want to miss class. he looked at me smiled and looked away as he ran a hand through his hair. “hello” i said waving in front of his face “i haven’t got all day” he looked back at me making eye contact immediately and not breaking it

“got to hogsmeade with me” he asked but it sounded more like a statement.

“excuse me?” i laughed out. he smiled and shrugged his shoulders slightly

“go to hogsmeade with me” he repeated.

“yes i heard you but, why? is this a joke? are you pranking me?” i said obviously surprised at his request. i what was he getting at?

“no it’s not a prank, i just want you to go to hogsmeade with me this weekend that’s all.” he said as if it made perfect sense.

“okay yesterday you had your wand to my throat ready to curse me into oblivion. what’s this sudden change of heart?” he laughed shortly

“no ones ever stood up to me like that, it was impressive. you surprised me and i don’t remember the last time someone did that.” he was blushing “honestly it was kind of cute” now i was blushing. i sighed and looked around trying to hold back my smirk. “so..?” i thought about it. there was no need to hold a grudge and i didn’t have anything to do...he was also very attractive.

“fine. but if this is a joke or some elaborate plan to humiliate me, you’ll regret it” he laughed and told me to meet him in the courtyard on saturday, two days from now. this was the last thing i expected from regulus black. oh my gosh. i have a date with regulus black. remus is going to freak.

-

i’m on my way to the gryffindor common room after my class to tell remus, sirius, and james about regulus because i have no idea what’s happening. i really don’t get why he wants to go out with me. he was about to take my head off yesterday and now i was cute? it didn’t add up. i don’t understand boys so talking to some might me help me understand. i walked into the common room to find the marauders sitting among the couches and chairs, not many others were there. they didn’t see me come in so i plopped down on the couch next to remus and greeted them.

“listen i need to talk to you guys about something” i said. they all looked overly concerned. i swear they worry about anything and everything when it comes to me.

“what’s up?” remus asked. they all were listening intently for my response.

“so when i was leaving transfiguration earlier today regulus came up to me” they all looked surprised and sirius groaned

“i told him not to pick fights with you, what did he say?” sirius asked. i ignored the first part, i expect nothing less from him.

“he asked me on a date.” i said simply. remus choked on air and james coughed out a

“WhAt?!” and sirius just laughed.

“what the hell did you say to him?” remus asked in a mix of confusion, humor, and protectiveness.

“i asked him why, obviously, and i asked him if it was a joke. he said he thought the fact that i stood up to him was cute and it apparently is not a joke.” i pulled my lips into a think line and sirius questioned me

“well how’d he take the rejection?” he laughed.

“actually i agreed to go with him” this time james choked on air. sirius laughed harder and remus’ eyes went wide.

“like hell you did!” remus exclaimed “why would you do that?” he questioned.

“it seems my brother shares my charm, i thought it skipped him, but if he managed to get you to go out with him then he must be skilled. props to him though for his first try on a girl” sirius said as he came down from his laughter. first time?

“what do you mean first try?” i asked sirius. remus was still sporting furrowed brows and a scowl at the thought of his little sister going on a date with regulus black.

“he’s never really cared much for dating, never been on a date, never had a girlfriend. i’ve gotta say i’m glad it’s you though” sirius answered. why did this stress me out?

“and why’s that?” remus asked him angrily

“because she’s a good kid. better than most, and he must really like her considering she’s a halfblood. i thought that his first girlfriend would be a pureblood barbie” sirius said. this stressed me out even more.

“i still think he’s playing me” i said while crossing my arms and sighing.

“well if he does then we’ll get back at him” james concluded with a smile

“i swear to merlin if he tries anything i’ll kill him” remus said only half joking

“i can take care of my self just fine remus. okay well i’ve got to get to my next class, i’ll see you all later” i said while getting up to leave and a chorus of bye’s and see you later’s following me.

-

it’s saturday and i have no idea what to wear. i don’t want to be too casual but i don’t want to look like i’m trying to hard. i decided on a black denim skirt, a white t shirt, a dark green and black flannel and white tennis shoes. perfect. why am i nervous? i’m not even sure i like this guy. yeah he’s attractive, but he’s also an ass. for some reason that was attractive though. screw me and my love for toxic men.

i could see him when i got to the courtyard. damn he looked nice he was looking around and then he saw me, smiled, and walked towards me.

“you look really nice” he complimented. i was definitely blushing.

“thanks, you don’t look to bad yourself” he laughed softly and we started walking making small talk. we got a table at the three broomsticks once we got there and he ordered us butterbeers. the whole date was actually amazing. we got along way better than i expected considering our first encounter, which we made plenty of jokes about.

“i honestly can’t explain my surprise when you didn’t even reach for your wand” he said with a laugh “you didn’t seem fazed at all” his smile was adoreable. i laughed

“i can’t explain my surprise when sirius said you were his brother” we were walking around the village holding hands and i looked up at him with a smile on my face as i talked.

“i had no idea you were his best friends little sister, i have to admit it’s kind of funny” he said

“how so?” i questioned

“i just think it’s ironic that our brothers happen to be best friends, they both probably freaked out about this i assume” he wasn’t wrong.

“well sirius assumed i rejected you and remus asked me why in the hell i agreed but in the end sirius was glad it was me and not someone else. he also said he was surprised because you never really went out with people” i shrugged at end of my statement

“really? well sirius always thought it was weird that i didn’t really fancy anyone. he’s more of a bachelor than i am, if you couldn’t tell” he joked

“sirius? no he definitely hasn’t snogged every girl in their year” we laughed at that. sirius was definitely experienced when it came to dating. “so if you don’t usually don’t go out with people why’d you ask me out?” i asked. i was honestly curious. i know he said he thought he was cute and he was impressed by my inability to be fazed by his threats, but i still didn’t quite get it. there were plenty of pretty girls in our year for him to choose.

“honestly, i don’t know. i just had a feeling you know? i thought you were pretty and you’re practically the smartest girl in our year, and i don’t think anyone’s been able to make me smile this much” he was blushing. man he was so cute. i was blushing too.

“sirius may have mentioned before that you don’t smile often” i said

“no ones been worth it” wow okay. we stopped walking on a corner of the street and he stepped in front of me. he leaned down a little bit waiting to see if i’d pull away. i didn’t. he put on of his hands on my hip and the other on my neck and he kissed me. i pulled my hands up to his neck and we kissed for a long moment. we moved in sync, it was soft but passionate at the same time and i was melting.

“definitely worth a smile” he said with a bright one on his face. i was blushing so hard right now and he leaned in for another kiss but before his lips could reach mine we heard three familiar voices and turned our heads and we pulled our hands away from each other. my brother, sirius, and james were walking towards us. remus was scowling while sirius and james were laughing and whistling.

“oh merlin” i said and reached for regulus’ hand. they reached us and before i could speak sirius beat me to it

“well hello love birds” he said with a laugh along with james. remus was not laughing. regulus rolled his eyes.

“what do you three want?” i asked with a subtle smirk on my face

“i want to never see that happen again” remus said. he looked at regulus “keep your hands off my sister” regulus raised his free hand up in defense and remus’ eyes narrowed on our interlocked hands but we didn’t let go.

“remus, shut up i’m 16 i’m fine, now would you three leave us alone please” i said with a laugh. regulus smiled down at me while i stared remus in the eyes.

“oh my god” sirius said. i looked at him concerned “what have you done to my brother?” he was smiling as he asked

“what do you mean?” i asked. regulus rolled his eyes again and spoke

“sirius just leave it alone” he please he said with a light tone

“no, you just made him smile. he never smiles. how did you do that” regulus and james laughed.

“we’re leaving now” i said and we turned to walk away and remus shouted at us.

“i’m watching you!!” i waved back at him and smiled at regulus as we enjoyed the rest of our date.

[frogtanii]

It’s wind anon. I know I should react to the Kenma part, but I just went through the update, saw Meiko’s portion and I have feelings that I need to get out because I’m so far gone right now—

I swear, I can break down every single text what the flip is this BS. Meiko, dear, do you,,,have a concussion. Are you thinking. What,,, this is like the time you were underdressed at the restaurant and you ended up getting drunk as heck.

Okay, let’s do the breakdown.

Coming in hot, we see Meiko with “tooru!!!!!!” (Yes, I did count the number of exclamation marks) firstly, the usage of his first name after ‘exiled’ where she raged at him and used Oikawa instead... mood swing much because I cannot believe the audacity of this... and really. First name basis. Trying to be close and to get rid of animosity, but not offering up anything like “hey, I’d appreciate talking to you for a sec if you’re free?” Or an apology for blowing up at him because he did indeed have your back, it’s just that you were the one problem. But yes, the exclamation marks too. A bit childish, obvious excitement...mmmm, I’ll move on to the next section.

Oikawa’s “oh. hey meiko” shows that he really ain’t up for this. First is the obvious low energy. I don’t want to go into depth about that but the “oh” shows that he paused. He saw her message. He answered. And he didn’t expect her to talk to him. Especially with that sort of energy. Mixed feelings towards her. And his “hey meiko”. I would say he is one of the more energetic of the House. He probably would’ve done something like “meiko!!! <3” in response before or something like that. He’s a bit flashy in that regard. But no punctuation. Just a downtrodden “hey” in response.

“don’t sound so enthused” she says. I mean, at the very least it seems she understands and can grasp tone from messages? But I am like “it would be more surprising for him to be enthused? I’m in awe of how you were able to become so enthused after you got yourself crushed into pieces by YN...” Besides that, even if Meiko wasn’t physically hurt, a confrontation of this sort would not lead to anyone having a happy mood? Me glancing between Meiko and all the therapists that were mentioned before because I really hope that we can figure something out because she gives off so many different vibes I am like... “what even goes on inside her brain...”

“can you blame me? you yelled at me the last time i talked to you” and this is the truth. He shouldn’t be enthused. You yelled at him, you disregarded his concern and you showed that you didn’t care for him as a person. Even if there was a circumstance where she didn’t yell at Oikawa, he would reach out first and be concerned about her health. Meiko has no grounds to try and blame him for anything right now. Frankly, I don’t think Oikawa should have even bothered answering her because I don’t think he is in the best place emotionally to deal with her.

“im so sorry sweetheart!!!! i didn’t mean it :(” lemme just day, wind anon cannot believe the BS that this message is. First, she says she is sorry. But really? Really. I can’t even look at her. Look, I don’t know what it is but “I’m so sorry.” Has the weakest apology energy. “I’m sorry.” Fine, decent, the classic and simplest. “I’m really sorry.” Also good! Shows regret. “I’m so sorry.” Sounds like you when you just learn that a person’s family member has passed away. There is something about “I’m so sorry” that doesn’t sound sincere to me and it’s infuriating. Next, the “sweetheart” I might’ve gagged a bit internally. Does she,,, talk like that? Normally? Is that a thing? She’s younger than him...and I don’t know but sweetheart sounds so condescending I literally can’t even— and finally, the “I didn’t mean it” yeah, well, you don’t mean anything because everything you say is BS that’s what you mean. Stop excusing your behavior. There is no merit behind it.

“you know i was just beat up and i couldn’t control what i was saying”. Okay, let’s break this down too. First, trying to incur sympathy by the “I was just beat up.” I cannot believe this gal. And the “you know” for a reference to a person’s knowledge of the matter, it lets them be more susceptible to beliefs. But the “I couldn’t control what I was saying” is complete utter hogwash. I mean, Meiko can’t control any bit of her because she is just impulse. But she excused her inability to control herself by saying it was because she was just beat up.

I don’t know what to say for the next portion. Alone, it’s cute, but put into perspective it’s just manipulation and she doesn’t love him. I’ll just move on.

“what do you need that you can’t ask iwa-chan?” Okay, so he didn’t reciprocate with an “I love you too” so that just shows what type of mood and how effective her words were. It also shows that she always messaged Oikawa when she needed something, because he caught on super quick to that. The “Iwa-chan” is interesting though. I wanna know if Oikawa talks to Iwaizumi after this conversation with Meiko because she is clearly going behind his back right now.

“oh well hajime is being very rude rn. he won’t let me leave my room!!!!” Okay, he had best interests at heart and Meiko...I know every single one of your rooms has a bathroom too. They’re bringing you food. They are letting people go into your room. Meiko, you wouldn’t have lasted quarantine if you’re this petulant now. It’s literally going to be like, 3 days max if you work to get an actual solution. I don’t want to break this down, I feel this is self explanatory. She feels entitled still.

“i know, it’s for your own good” he replies, and that is true but I am also of the belief that it is (hopefully) better for the rest of the house to not be in contact with her so I guess that’s that. Anyway, this shows Oikawa placating her, next

Meiko...being...not pretty. “ugh!!! but i wanna go out!!!!!!” Yeah, she would not have been able to be safe throughout the pandemic. Please,,, you’ll have fresh air if you open up a window,,, I know for certain you don’t exercise,,, please Meiko, shut up already you are making yourself look like more of a pile of garbage than you depict yourself as please I cannot handle the idea that the guys fell for this act—

“you have a black eye babe” okay, the black eye is actually Tooru trying to refer to knowledge that she has. As in, she should be trying to rest and get better right now. (Just curious, who treated her? For the injuries? She raged at Iwaizumi and Oikawa so maybe Daichi?) the babe gives off the placating vibe to me, still low energy, not very affectionate, but it’s there so I’m like “hm”.

“so??? omg are you calling me ugly tooru???????” Well...he didn’t call you ugly. But I might? Because you have the ugliest personality of everyone here. But also, shifting blame onto him. Gosh, I give Oikawa some water. He’ll get a migraine from this.

“of course not. i would never”. Low energy, not elaborating, I think he sees that she is trying to manipulate him, or at the very least he isn’t going to play that particular game. But actually, he runs a fashion channel on YouTube. We know Bokuto runs a fitness one and his header message was something along the lines of everyone’s bodies are beautiful, so chances are Oikawa has the same sort of idea for his channel too. He may criticize fashion, but he would never criticize the people wearing it or the people who made it in a mean way. He would be respectful, and he lets people do what they wish because it’s their choice. I mean, there has to be a reason why Meiko’s fashion is how it is—he doesn’t intrude on matters that aren’t his to intrude upon.

Okay, Meiko. I’m gonna stop trying to format the messages exactly how they are, autocorrect is making my time with them a bit too much, but she says she wants him to take her with him. Okay, starting off, you are really under the belief that he will take you on to a trip he has planned when he didn’t invite you in the first place? Pushy... but yes, her petulance again... me flicking water at her, “you got super drunk because you were underdressed at a fancy restaurant and now you have a face that looks like roadkill, how much do you want to embarrass yourself before you get turned into a pariah?”

Oikawa not knowing how she knows that is clear concern. Someone knowing your schedule when it’s none of their business and not public knowledge is major red flag. The “uh” shows that he is clearly taken aback. The ellipses shows that he doesn’t know what to think.

Okay, Meiko—she is actually able to notice something??? Good golly gee, I am baffled by how she did that when everything else she does is on fire. But the consistency probably gave it in. She may have been looking for him at one point, noticed he was out, and saw the pattern then. But actually, wouldn’t she be good at noticing the patterns of the guys so that she always knows which one to go to and use? Thoughts.... but I’m curious about the fact she said the “same group of absolute losers”. I highly doubt they always go and meet up directly in eye view of the house? Chances are they meet up at a bar or something? This potentially could be a thing where Meiko was stalking them? It would be interesting if she saw them while she was out as well—and if yahaba and kyoutani noticed her around before too. Also, her saying “you ain’t slick” like,,, Meiko, have you looked into a mirror. Can you see.

Oikawa defending his friends, we stan. Let’s move on though: “they’re so much younger than you?? and yahaba is def not cute lmao” me, doing like the... monkey meme where they look away because I am just like??? Meiko, you’re younger than Oikawa. I bet Yahaba and Kyoutani are your age. And anyone younger than you is a loser huh? That’s why you look at Bokuto and YN like they are dirt beneath your feet. (And Yes, I do remember that you put Bokuto and YN as the babies of the house, this reoccurrence is very well done). And she went and insulted Yahaba directly like...you’re talking to his friend? What are you doing? Excuse me? I beg your pardon?

And the ellipses strike again— and Oikawa is fishing for information because we have seen him—he listens to logic. And Meiko... her emojis... wind anon be flicking more water at her, she is too much. Also. Kyoutani. She is calling Kyoutani cute. This was the message that made wind anon start this long analysis. Kyoutani, cute? Listen. Kyoutani would take one look at this parasite hanging off his arm with her swollen black eye that was slathered with makeup and her lacking clothing sense, before looking at Oikawa who would be so haggard by then, and then Kyoutani would force her off his arm before grabbing Oikawa and running off with Yahaba following them. There is no way at all Kyoutani would involve himself with Meiko. I refuse to believe he would go for her.

Okay, the two messages after about wingmanning—I don’t want to do a large scale analysis of it. Oikawa really is shown to have good sense for Meiko’s intentions. His intuition is good. And we know that he cares and respects his friends and he focuses on their capabilities. He knows them. Meiko is just...childish in the worst of ways.

“You don’t see the issue with this”. Oikawa really digging in his feet. First, he wished to be in a relationship with Meiko. And here she is, asking for him to wingman to get her together with one of his friends, who may not even like her—and I bet that if it doesn’t go well, she would blame Oikawa for it like really—but I give Oikawa more water for the migraines Meiko induces.

“What?? It’s not like we’re actually together lol”. The laugh out loud at the end really shows how much of a joke she sees this as. She sees him as a joke. And she just crushed all his efforts and actions to try and get into a relationship. And actually...will Meiko ever get into a relationship with another? She has no loyalty. She definitely wouldn’t have ever got into a dedicated relationship with one of the guys. And she would be the type to get upset if they slept around, wouldn’t she? A hypocrite.

“Ugh don’t be like that!!! I’m sure you sleep around too!!” Okay, she is trying to defend herself while also potentially blaming him if he does. It’s just manipulation...I’m gonna move on...

Oikawa’s just done and his “I don’t” holds a lot of emotion. But Meiko’s response back I don’t believe at all. “Oh well that’s your fault, I don’t really give a sh*t if you sleep around hehe!!!” First, blaming him for his choice of only choosing you??? And I highly doubt the second part because she is shown to throw blame and ditch people for negligible reasons—I have no trust towards her words. I do not believe her. I believe she would care. I believe she would blow up at the guy before leaving him.

“Of course you don’t” And there is the utter doneness. He has given up on Meiko in this message. He doesn’t care anymore. He was already not in the mood for her when she first messaged him, he doesn’t want to see her at all anymore. He’s given up.

“So you get it!! Perfect!!!!” Please, wind anon has written so much already, her eyes are sweating everytime she has to look at Meiko being like this hhhhh. “I’ll be ready at like 9pm? Come by my room!! Actually no I’ll come by yours” and her usage of emoji. Get her away from me and everyone in PF. She’s toxic. Send her off with hazardous waste. Also, she deliberately changed from her room to coming by his. She is cutting off him so he has to go with her, he can’t just sneak out and not wait at her room (though she did offer a time so he could just go out now and ditch her presence completely). But it would be amusing if he did something like lock his door, (either after he’d go out or if he wold leave through window) and she would just be there waiting all decked out in her clothes and makeup pounding on his door. He wouldn’t answer and the others would see her out of her room (a misdemeanor). And then she would have to make an excuse. But it would be hard...because Oikawa has text evidence of Meiko going against Iwaizumi to just play like this.

“And if I say no?” Says Oikawa, who is testing the waters—very smart. We approve. “You won’t.” She replies, because she is terrible and we hate her controlling, manipulative, abusive self and we would all fight her. And she ends it off with a “great!! see you then!” Because she has to have her way and the last say.

Okay, wind anon is done

Completely. Utterly done with the analysis and reaction for that. Might not get to Kenma and YN analysis because I went off in this one but just know I appreciate it and I’ll try to get to it—just,,,not today.

I hope Oikawa sends these screenshots to like, Iwaizumi at the very least but it would be even better if he just drops it in a group chat with Daichi and Osamu instead and asks them to keep an eye on her for “her own safety” and ask her to stay in her room. She’s too daring and if she blows up on him after, he will receive more evidence of her being terrible. And of course, he’s smart. He’ll definitely block her number when he doesn’t want to bother with her anymore. Okay, wind anon is ending here. The ask is too long. I think it’s the longest ask I’ve ever sent. I wish you well fr0ggy. I hope your sleep is pleasant and you wake up very rested and refreshed!

WOO LONG POST!!!! i cannot nearly respond to all this!!!! but!!!! i am in Awe??? text by text???? i love this????? ur so amazing i <3 u

[flyonthewallmedstudent]

Remembering High School.

Ever occasionally get random memories that pop into mind?  Usually while doing something mindless and your brain, so bored, ends up trying to distract you with random distant memories. 

Well, today’s random thought out of the blue was a memory of a scene out of high school. Which then triggered other thoughts and memories of it in full force. 

Prior to graduation we were voting for class valedictorian. That’s just how it went at my school. By votes like some popularity contest, for someone to then make a speech on behalf of the graduating class at graduation. Then have a line on their CV (which is then useless past undergrad). 

Everyone did their mini speech or ploy on why we would should vote for them.  I remember none of them except one of the ‘mean-girls’ in the class going,  “I know I wasn’t really nice to most of you and I don’t talk to most of you either..” (she got a few chuckles at this, because no one could help themselves). 

Obviously she didn’t get elected. Part of me wonders why on earth she even tried if she herself knew she was a total bitch to most people in her class, why would they want her to represent them. I also remember her really gross boyfriend hitting on me during prom (it was the first time I had no glasses, had hair and make up done professionally at the mall, I did not look like my usual self). 

I was very much the nerd. Had braces for 4 years. Glasses. Bushy hair tied back. Poor fashion sense. The works. Because I only cared about one thing back then, getting out of our small ass town and going to university. High school was merely a truck stop in some ways.

Cue to now.  I can’t help chuckling at the memory, as I look her up on social media (of course, that’s what it’s for, spying on your old classmates and secretly passing judgement). She has a public account. And it daisy-chains to the other mean-girls from her old clique. They all still live in the same small ass town I left long ago. They also work in a tax bracket even below mine.

I can’t help thinking.. 

Source: https://quotlr.com/image/6078

That would actually be a possibility, had I went back to work there.  (Which I never will, too familiar). 

I think about attending a high school reunion, but I would actually never go.  I already get to see the high school friends I want to see anyway, it’s a mini-reunion every time anyway. And I never enjoyed the pettiness in high school, not then and certainly not now. Even if I were to go, we’d have absolutely nothing in common, we never did. It’s just be very superficial interactions. I’d have a much better time at my medical school reunion - among my own people, nerds.

Worse were the things the adults used to say to me back then. Things like “oh it gets better after high school.” As if I was miserable. And I actually wasn’t. At the time, it never occurred to me that everyone else thought I was somehow perceived as a social outcast. Until they pointed it out by expressing pity. It also meant that others had no pity for me, only condescension. 

It was a strange moment. As the entire time I thought they were small minded, and I actually felt sorry for them in that they would never leave their place in life. Not that I would ever say that, I thought it would be utterly rude. But I felt bad for all the things they would be missing out later in life if they felt high school was meant to be ‘the milestone’. For me, it was merely a means to an end, to get to another place or the next level. Those were my own condescending thoughts as a teen at the time.

I already knew most people in my class weren’t ever leaving that small town and that high school would be the ‘best years’ for them. I predicted, and it nothing has fallen short of those predictions. And they would forever look back on those days. Much like Biff Loman in Death of a Salesman, which I read at the public library during high school. (My father had said to me, that after high school I may never have time to read books out of enjoyment ever again and I took that very seriously, as if the world would end. He was right. I don’t have time for novels anymore.)     

But once I realized they pitied me, I stopped pitying them as if they were all Biff or Wally Lomans. Realizing that there’s no point in my caring about them or their futures or feeling sorry about them. I don’t have to, they already believe they have a better or a good life in their own way. So, I was feeling sorry for someone who wasn’t unhappy. Just the same as they were feeling sorry for me, not realizing, that I hadn’t actually noticed I was missing out on anything. 

What I realized was, it was like we lived in different parallel universes. Their definition of happiness was entirely different if not perpendicular to mine. It didn’t matter what any of us thought of each other. 

What they never considered is diversity - we can all be different and have our own values and dreams. Our own version of happiness. Our own version of love.

What I did know was that it wasn’t appropriate for them to impose what they thought happiness should be in my life. Just because their version of happiness was X, doesn’t have to be mine. 

We don’t all have to conform into one expectation that society imposes on us, so long as it’s not hurtful. Being popular in high school was certainly not something I ever wanted to conform to. I was terrified of crowds and introverted, but not lonely.

I was in my own period of exploring things, reading ‘grown-up’ books for the first time and actually understanding the words in the them. Discovering genres of music I’d never heard of as a child. I was even exploring my own sexuality quietly, I was bi but to this day I don’t really think of it as such. I didn’t care what society thought. 

And by university, I had Virginia Woolf and a belief in the existence of falling in love with a person because of her, no matter who they were, gender, ethnicity, religion anything. She had Vita Sackville West, but was still in a loving relationship with Leonard Woolf.  Hell, Shakespeare was bi, they tried to disguise it in Shakespeare in love, but fact was he wrote love sonnets for a young man.

It’s strange to look back. I was in love with a high school class mate of the same sex, nothing ever happened - I was too painfully shy. I ran away half the time once I realized there were feelings there. To this day I wonder what could have happened had I not been shy. They ended up as a transgender man, and you know.. I still would have loved them had we ended up together. Whether they identified as male or female. It was who they were I had a connection to. 

So I understand why some marriages surviving despite one spouse changing their gender part way. They’re still the person you fell in love with and married. But I also get it if it doesn’t work out, not everyone in the world is “bi” or whatever label society places on ‘love’. Regardless, I think, when you truly love someone, it’s unconditional, even though the expression of it may change. 

I’ll still look back on high school and grin. Mainly at the ironies. 

Conformity, and all it’s inherent insecurities of how you’ll never be good enough to fit the pack. It doesn’t matter. 

So, if you’re the nerd or proverbial social outcast.  As long as you’re not hurting anyone, if you’re happy being who you are, then who gives a fuck anyway what anyone else thinks or tries to tell you otherwise. Find what you enjoy, what you’re passionate about. Fall in love. Develop compassion, be kind and be giving.  If you enjoy reading, read the type of books that expand your mind, read history - because you’ll never actually be alone. Never were alone. Someone, somewhere out there, felt the same as you and even more reassuring they felt that way 100s of years before you were born. More importantly, they did great things and changed the world in which we live - you are after all, reading their quotes and novels.

[centaurianthropology]

Very interesting thoughts!  I had taken a slightly different tack when it came to interpreting the beasts.  Specifically, I see them as a veneer under which a hungry thing lurks.  So they all sound like someone familiar, but twisted to always encourage hunger.  So the rudeness, the disparaging of manners isn’t Vaclav, but it is the beast speaking with Vaclav’s voice, even as it contradicts the ways that Tzimisce keep themselves in line.  I do think it’s Vaclav’s voice (Jason, I think, was workshopping the accent for a lot of the season until he realized the real Vaclav would need to appear, so he went deeper into the research for the accent than he had previously, the same way as he course-corrected with Rey’s Beast, which did talk in the early part of the season, only for Jason to say later that it never talks, and only ever makes noises), but saying things that the Beast would say.

The Beast, as it appears in NYbN is, I think, half hunger and half psychology.  It’s equal parts bad impulse, but wrapped not in a true facsimile of their sires, but rather each coterie member’s perception of their sire.

And that’s where the real intrigue is for me.  Because while I don’t believe, say, Serif’s sire is enormously into Diablerie, Serif’s hunger is focused on other kindred (which is super interesting itself).  The voice, however, is her perception of Argus: always condescending and demanding, someone who only ever wants her for what he can extract from her.

Fuego’s Beast is the same contradiction through which she perceives Rafferty: intellectually she knows she shouldn’t love him, but emotionally she is drawn and bound to him.  Likewise, she is closer to her Beast and in better agreement with it because it speaks in his voice.  It constantly says “Make me proud”, and that’s how she perceives Rafferty: someone she wants to please and impress, even as she knows that to do so could be ruinous.

Rey’s Beast is also his perception of his unknown sire: the thing that attacked him didn’t talk to him, there was no personal connection there, so it’s an animal in his head, a snarling monster driving him to do the worst to others the same way the worst was done to him. He doesn’t think of his sire as anything more than an animal, so that’s what it is.

Which brings us to Isaac’s Beast.  I do think that was Vaclav’s voice (we’ll have to see how it sounds in season 3 to be sure), and its hunger contradicts Isaac’s manners, which he uses as a defense against it.  But it also calls him ‘Darling’ as you said.  My thoughts on that are two-fold: one, we’ve only seen Isaac interact with Vaclav in front of guests.  Vaclav is old-fashioned, and it would make sense to keep himself a little more aloof around these strangers, not to be affectionate lest it show weakness.  So it’s possible that Vaclav has called Isaac ‘darling’ before and would again in private.

Or Vaclav has never used that term, but that’s how Isaac sees his sire and their relationship.  He may call it a business-like relationship, but it’s clear that he’s proud of it, and if I’m right he actually thinks it’s a lot deeper than business.  He’s thinks there’s a real love there, and I enjoy what that says about him.  

Isaac also would be reticent to admit affection, but he was both rapt and thrilled around Vaclav.  And he’s proud of his sire in a way none of the others are.  He likes that, despite their clan reputation, he’s the only one of his coterie--and maybe even a general rarity amongst kindred--that has a genuinely good and healthy relationship with his sire.  In their minds, Serif’s and Fuego’s Beasts make demands.  They occasionally praise, but it’s mostly demands.  Rey’s is nothing but snarls and growls.  But Isaac’s cajoles, calls him ‘darling’, treats him only with exasperation when he resists it.  He has a good relationship with it in a far healthier way than Fuego has, and that reflects both his greater control over himself and his hunger, and also the way he perceives what he and Vaclav have, even if the reality is something entirely different.

Anyway, that’s my (probably way too long-winded) take.  You may absolutely be right that it’s some other Eastern European vampire, or even multiple Eastern European vampires that Isaac knows. The ‘it changes’ definitely hints at something that could be multiple people, or just multiple bodies and voices that Vaclav has occupied through their time together. But either way, I think the Beast is less about the real person and personality of the sires, and far more a deadly combination of a one-sided perception of that person and that relationship, twisted up with an insatiable hunger.

so, the voice of isaac’s beast changes.

alex mentioned it in the final club auspex, isaac mentioned it during the conversation with annabelle (“we have a little voice in our head that tells us to do things that have to do with the way we were traumatized” “mine changes”).

the popular theory as to why this is seems to be that it has to do with vaclav’s fleshcrafting and shapeshifting abilities. now, this was absolutely my initial thought as well, the idea that vaclav changes his form fairly frequently is well-represented by isaac being unsure of what pronouns to refer to him by in episode three, saying he doesn’t know “what they are now” (it’s this specific wording more than the changing of pronouns that indicates the fleshcrafting to me). despite this, i really don’t think the voice(s) of isaac’s beast are vaclav, at least not all of them. considering the voice changes, it’s entirely possible some of what isaac hears is vaclav, but i strongly believe at least some of it is someone else.

my main reason for thinking this is alex emphasizing that the voice does change and expressing his excitement for us to find out why that is. honestly, i think fleshcrafting/shapeshifting is too obvious, it’s the tzimisce signature discipline and i’m not sure it warrants the level of secrecy alex is talking about it with unless it’s paired with something else.

i also think there is at least a small amount of evidence for the voice primarily not being vaclav:

1. there is a precedent for characters’ beasts not being their sires, most notably with eva in la by night, whose beast’s voice was strauss, not katya. 2. both isaac’s beast and vaclav are played by jason and he’s simply not using the same voice for them, they have similar accents, but the pronunciation isn’t quite the same and the beast has a higher voice (obviously, the change in pitch could be explained by the shapeshifting, but i think the accent in particular is worth pointing out). 3. they don’t refer to isaac the same way, the only thing we heard vaclav call isaac other than his name is “my childe”, while his beast, interestingly, has called him “darling” on multiple occasions. 4. the simplest and yet, in my opinion, most damning piece of evidence for the beast not being vaclav comes from the first episode (as does the first instance of “darling”). isaac tells his beast he won’t attack someone specifically because it would be impolite and his beast responds by scolding him for being too beholden to his manners. it does something similar in episode three, telling isaac he can afford to be rude in his own territory. when taking the coterie to meet vaclav, isaac was exceedingly clear about how important manners are to him and, by extension, vaclav. clearly, whoever isaac’s beast is mimicking in these moments isn’t as particular about manners as him and vaclav.

it’s not an overwhelming amount of evidence, but i think there’s a decent case to be made here, especially considering the short amount of time we’ve had to even hear the coterie’s beasts.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Fic, Illogical Nightmare

@cherrybonesrh13 requested a fic about Logic experiencing nightmares for the first time after an unfortunate event in college. This is great, because it gives me the opportunity to project all my problems onto him. Also, the tumblr font makes that title look like it has three lowercase Ls and I am not happy about it.

Tip Jar

Warnings? There are nightmares and panic. Not a panic attack. Just panic. There is also a mention of drowning, but it is not described. Also, it has 2,246 words. Fic under the cut.

Dreams make no sense. They are not predictable. They do not predict future events. However, there is some evidence that they help us think through things. Abstract things that the conscious mind may not fully process.

Not for the first time, Logan was both thankful for and hated the fact that he lived as a part of a mind. On the one hand, nobody heard him waking up with a scream of terror because he didn’t want them to hear him. On the other hand, occasionally things here made even less sense than in the real world, and Logan needed things to make sense.

He sat up in his bed in a cold sweat and tried to quickly regain his composure. It had happened again. The nightmare. The only one he had ever experienced.

After a moment he determined that it was pointless to attempt to sleep again and went to take a shower. He technically didn’t need to shower, but he found it helpful. He turned the water as cold as it would go and stood under it, trying to shake off the feelings that were invading his mind like a virus.

After Thomas and the others woke up he made his way through the mindscape, doing his job as usual and trying to get the images out of his head.

As he turned around a corner with his clipboard in hand, he ran into Roman, walking around the corner at at unacceptable speed.

Only Logic was knocked over. His clipboard and coffee went flying and he heard Roman cry out “Ah! My shirt!”

“Would you prioritize correctly for once in your existence?!” Logic said as he angrily began picking up his papers.

“Oh, my fault. You are right,” Roman said.

Roman held out his hand as Logic finished gathering his papers and thankfully undamaged coffee mug. Logic took the hand up, but was still obviously miffed.

“Would you mind telling me why you were walking around corners in such a dangerous fashion?” He asked the Prince.

“Well, I was looking for you actually. We had another nightmare last night. A reoccurring one actually, and seeing as I have not been able to find why for almost seven years now, I have, quite frankly, run out of options,”

Logan adjusted his papers and began to take note of the ones that he was going to have to remove coffee stains from. After a moment he spoke. “I don’t know why you are coming to me with this particular issue. I do not dream, as you know. That is one problem solving process I play no part in,”

Prince smiled and appeared as regal as ever, but an expert on him could tell he was unsure. “So you claim. However, seeing as neither of the others has ever had this particular nightmare, and it is not a fear I have, that only leaves you, and I have long suspected you. Yes, I am sure you would agree that I have no options left,”

Logan took off down the hall but threw back, “We can discuss this later, Roman. I am busy,”

Morality was happily placing memories in a scrapbook when Roman appeared next to him.

“Oh, hey Roman! Are you here to see my latest nostalgia book? This one has…”

“Not now Morality, I am on a mission!” Roman announced dramatically.

Patton jumped up from his seat and clapped his hands together. “Oh boy! How can I help?”

“We had a nightmare again last night. The reoccurring one I told you about,”

“Well, Thomas doesn’t remember it, kiddo. I know because I’m feeling fine! Which one was it? The one with the cats?”

Roman looked confused. “Morality, we have not had that dream since Thomas was ten years old. In all honesty, I had forgotten about it,”

“Oh,” Morality looked disappointed. “Which one was it then?”

“The one I have been telling you about for several years now. It happens every few months. At least once a year. Thomas is back at college. He is handed back an essay. There are rude and probably untrue comments written all over the page in red ink. Then the paper begins bleeding until the room is full and Thomas is drowning. Every time it happens, it is incredibly distressing, and every time it happens you claim that Thomas does not remember it. Why?”

Patton paused for a second. His smile became slightly strained, like it did when he was feeling confused.

Soon the silence became too long.

“Um, Patton? If you do not have a solution I can be on my way,”

“Um, yes. Sorry buddy. I’m just gonna go back to scrap booking here,”

Roman sighed and sunk down to a different level of the mindspace.

Anxiety was going through a messy stack of papers in his room, seemingly with a purpose. After several minutes of searching he found what he was looking for.

“Oh yeah. Seventh grade improv mess up. That was embarrassing. You’ve always been a moron Thomas,”

Anxiety was about to go and remind Thomas of this particular embarrassing moment when his stack of papers went flying everywhere and he wheeled around to see Roman batting Anxiety’s papers out of his line of vision.

“Hey! What are you doing in my dreamspace you moron? And could you watch where you pop up? I just reorganized that!”

Roman smiled deviously. “We all know that you don’t organize anything, Anxiety,”

“Alright, why don’t you just tell me why you’re here so I can get you out of my room?”

Roman side-stepped out of what was left of the paper pile. “What are these anyways?”

Anxiety’s expression didn’t change. “Receipts,”

“For what?” Prince asked, now mildly frustrated.

“Embarrassing moments. Stuff we did wrong. I’ve got more in the closet, wanna see?”

“I would rather not,” Roman said, slightly disgusted.

“Then get out of my room,”

“Alright, I’ll make this quick. Does Logic experience nightmares? I have experienced that bleeding essay nightmare again, and if you never experience it, and Morality never experiences it, I am at a loss,”

Anxiety put his headphones on. “That’s the only one he’s got.” he said before snapping his fingers and vanishing from the room without a trace.

Logic was relaxing for a few minutes reading a book when Roman appeared in front of him.

“What is it now, Roman?” Logan asked, not taking his eyes off the book.

“What are you afraid of?” Roman asked.

“Fear is illogical,”

The prince folded his arms in a condescending manner. “And what, exactly, is at the bottom of the ocean?”

Logan closed his book with a snap. “Okay, point taken. What can I help you with?” he asked.

Roman perched next to Logic on the couch. “Logan my friend, you and I are more alike than you realize,”

“What does this have to do with anything?” Logan asked, almost bored.

“Would you not shy away from your feelings for once in your life? We are both abstract thought. We are both essential to the creating process,”

“Why are you reiterating information I already know?”

“Logan, dreams have a purpose. I do not only focus on hopes. I take dreams we have during our sleep and I find the cause of them. Things Thomas, the conscious mind, does not have to think about, but the subconscious mind does,” He put a friendly hand on Logan’s shoulder. “If you do not tell me what is happening, it will not stop. The dream will keep coming, and we will both be drowning in red ink forever. It is not a pleasant sensation, Logan. Drowning is not fun,”

Logic closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Fine. Will I have to tell the others as well?”

“Oh, yes. Of course,”

“I guessed you would say that,”

They all sat around a dining table. Logic couldn’t help but conjure up visions of people gathered in one place for an intervention.

Anxiety looked around as nobody said anything, then he broke the silence. “Look, if you don’t wanna tell them, then should I?”

“I would rather you did not,” Logan said.

“It’s okay Logan,” Patton said, “Take your time,”

Logan cleared his throat and began.

“It is true what I have told you in the past. I do not dream. At least, I do not normally dream. Most nights I spend completely blank. Or, I do not sleep and go to process information or things of that sort. Before one particular incident seven years ago, I could not even comprehend what dreaming was like. Now I do not have a positive perception of it, because the one and only dream I have ever experienced is a hyper realistic nightmare,”

“I know,” Anxiety said.

“That is not helpful,” Logic said.

“Just adding to the conversation,” Anxiety said.

Logan took another breath and continued. “Anyhow, the incident in question was an essay Thomas wrote in a science class. I… I put so much effort in to that essay. The class was required for general education, and I found it especially difficult. It was the first time Thomas had ever written a failed essay that we actually put effort into. I cannot lie. It was incredibly distressing,”

“That is all?” Roman asked. “That is why I can still smell ink?”

Logic adjusted his glasses. “I’ll admit I can see no reason for this dream. Thomas did pass the class in the end, and school is far in the past, but it keeps happening. The first time it happened, I showed far more emotion than is appropriate for someone of my occupation. Even after I experienced it today, when I should be used to it, I woke up quite suddenly with a yell. It makes no sense,”

“He means he woke up screaming and cried for twenty minutes,” Anxiety said.

“Once again,,” said Logan, “that is not helpful,”

“Awww. Buddy,” Morality said, trying to give Logic a hug.

“Please, do not touch me,” Logic said, shooing Patton away with his hand.

“Well, I think we can work through this,” Roman said. “Next time it happens, I shall be ready,”

“Nah, I don’t think so,” Anxiety said.

“Do you ever cause any useful nightmares to happen?” Roman asked.

Anxiety smiled. “You tell me, Princey. You’re the one that’s supposed to be sorting through them,”

About a month later, it happened.

Thomas was sitting in a classroom waiting as a professor handed back papers. As the professor reached him a spotlight turned on and the rest of the students vanished. He was about to take the essay when all of a sudden it was not all of Thomas sitting there, but Logan.

Logic looked himself up and down. What? Was he in control? The professor pointed the essay at him even harder. The red ink written all over it started to bleed.

Suddenly, another spotlight went on. There was Roman, standing on the desk in front of him holding out his hand.

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

Despite the terrifying situation, Logic sighed. “Everything has to be a Disney reference with you, doesn’t it?”

He took Roman’s hand and the other side helped him on to the desk. The professor had disappeared and there was now a steady stream of ink coming out of the essay on the floor.

“Now what happens?” Logic asked.

“We conquer it!” Princey announced.

Without any warning, he scooped Logan up into a fireman’s carry and began to jump from desk to desk.

Logan struggled. “Would you put me down? I am perfectly capable of moving!”

When Roman put him down, he saw that the classroom had grown exponentially in size. The window now looked like it was a mile away and the desks were floating on an ocean of red ink.

“You really have some very deep issues, Logan,” Prince said.

“Apparently so,” Logic said, taking in the size of the room. “Now what do we do?”

“We keep going!” Prince cried.

The two men held hands as they jumped from one desk to another. More than once, one of them nearly fell into the sea of ink and had to be pulled up by the other.

After what felt like hours, the room was nearly full of ink and they were doubled over as they jumped. At last, they reached the window.

“Close your eyes and hold your breath,” Roman announced. “I shall save us, but you have to trust me,”

Logan fought back tears as he thought about drowning in that sea of thick red liquid again, but he kept his composure.

“Very well. I trust you,”

Logic pinched his nose, held his breath, and took a leap of faith.

Roman held the teacher by his waist with one hand and paddled with the other. He felt around in the thick red sea for a window latch. He found one and pried it open. The window burst open, spewing all of the desks, the thick red ink, and the two personality traits out of the classroom.

Logic rolled onto his back on the now red grass outside the window.

“Roman? Are you there? All I can see is red,”

A friendly hand just as wet and gross as his own gripped his arm.

“I am here, nerd. Everything is alright. You do not have to worry about this again,”

“Thank you, Roman,” Logic mumbled, as the dream faded to black.

And from what anyone can tell, Logan hasn’t had a dream since.

[flameclaw22]

Book Review: The Crown’s Game

Spoilers ahead!

Rating: 1 star out of 5

I'd been contemplating reading Circle of Shadows, the newest Evelyn Skye novel, but I wanted to test the waters by reading another of her books first. I found The Crown's Game on sale in the NOOK store for $1.99, so I snapped it up. In a way, I'm glad I did, because reading The Crown's Game ultimately prevented me from wasting considerably more money on Circle of Shadows.

I could use the phrase “dumpster fire” to describe this book, but that's really not fitting: Dumpster fires at least entail vaguely interesting events. The Crown’s Game is easily one of the dullest books I’ve ever read - even duller than any novel in the Twilight series. It’s no compliment to say that Stephanie Meyer did a better job world-building. Evelyn Skye exerted such negligible effort on world-building that her tale barely squeaks into the historical fantasy genre, giving more of the feel of historical fanfiction with magic tossed in for shits and giggles. The magic originates from some spring or fountain or some bullshit that apparently pays attention to arbitrary geopolitical boundaries and nationality. And excluding faith healers and a couple of magical creatures, the latter of whom are only mentioned in passing, there are only four known characters in Russia with the magic, and two of them monopolize most of it. Since both competitors possess gargantuan supplies of the magic, the result is a pair of stupidly overly-powerful heroes.

Skye is just as bad at inventing plots as she is at world-building. Expect no real action or intrigue from Crown’s Game. The game itself is nothing more than an unstructured magical pissing contest, and Skye fails to leave enough to the imagination to keep readers hooked. There’s no nefarious plot running beneath the surface, there’s no tension or suspense; it’s just a fight for who gets to be the tsar’s chief suck-up and who gets to die, and the two competitors falling in love.

The characters are breathtakingly boring. If you played the Wii Fit obstacle course game, you probably remember what a pain in the ass it was to avoid those logs, lest your Mii be comically flattened. Clearly The Crown’s Game’s characters played this game and lost spectacularly, because damn, are they dimensionally challenged. Though it’s not Vika’s fault that Pasha worshipfully describes her in a manner that is utterly vomit-inducing, it is Vika’s fault for failing to demonstrate that she is anything more than an insipid, gorgeous magical girl anime reject. She has pretty red hair with a black streak in it and can generate an entire island with her mind. She misses her dad. She’s pretty. She’s powerful. Did I mention she’s pretty? The way Vika blathers on about how attractive Nikolai is implies that she’s never seen a boy before (even though that’s probably not true). Spare me the agony.

Scarcely surpassing the sentience of a doorknob, Nikolai might as well have been a giant Russian Ken doll. His thoughts mostly consist of dreamily imagining banging Vika, hawing over not wanting to kill her, and attempting to concoct a contest-winning plan. When a woman in a semi-zombified state shows up out of the blue - alleging to be his mother, no less - Nikolai is relatively unperturbed. His strongest reaction is his revulsion over how dreadful Aizhana smells. Come on. Even if you live in a world steeped in magic, if a shambling, malodorous corpse lady appears and claims to be your dead mommy, you should shit yourself, at least a little bit. If all you can do is complain about is the foul stench, you desperately need help. When he walks into the Enchanted Hollow, a goddam cave, his thought is, “So this is why it’s called the Enchanted Hollow.” You’re a little slow on the uptake, pal. Reading this particular line evokes thoughts of that iCarly scene where Kurt, the cute but dumb (fired) intern, rides the elevator and then breathes in awe, “This is an elevator.” And really, that captures Nikolai’s essence - the hot but moronic guy who should be fired before he ruins the world. I half-expected him to pop into a scene with a plastic bag of lemonade.

Pasha isn’t much better. Like Nikolai, he too obsesses over Vika to a degree that seriously annoyed me, as a reader stuck in his head. (What I can say is that Pasha, as nauseatingly pesky as his crush-related thoughts are, isn’t a complete creep. For instance, he refrains from kissing Vika while she is asleep because he does not want to disrespect/violate her.) Unlike Nikolai, however, he exhibits some intellectual curiosity and later undergoes a considerable personality change; unfortunately, this shift is such an about-face that its effect comes off less as character development and more as a rancorous temper tantrum.

There’s little to say for the remaining characters. Renata merely serves to upgrade the love triangle to a love web. Ludmila is Vika’s plump, middle-aged sidekick, who effectively fills the role of a lame-ass Molly Weasley: a source of tasty baked goodies and motherly love, minus the tough fierceness that makes Molly so endearing. Pasha’s sister, Yuliana, functions as the impetus behind the Crown’s Game, urging her father to commence the contest, but Tsar Alexander is such an unpleasant dickbag that no other scapegoat for starting the game is truly required, rendering Yuliana obsolete. At virtually every given opportunity, he goes out of his way to be rude, condescending, or snappish. During his spiel about the rules of the game, Vika interrupts him as respectfully as possible to inquire about why one Enchanter must die at the end of the game, and Alexander acts as if she’s expressed the desire to hit him in the testicles repeatedly with a large stick. He can’t even muster the patience or sympathy to answer a valid question posed by a competitor - a teenager, mind you - in a fatal contest to be the tsar’s magical toady. When Vika arrives at the ball in her fabulous dress, the tsar snidely remarks that she should “take care not to become too enamored of the tsarevich” because “it will require more than a showy gown to be worthy.” Damn it, dude, she just told you that she fashioned her clothes herself. Would it kill you to just toss out some platitude or another? Honestly, I pity Tsarina Elizabeth - she deserves so much better than Alexander. Sergei’s role is just being Vika’s mentor/father figure and an eventual sacrifice; Sergei’s bitchy sister, Galina, is a fucking psychopath who forces Nikolai to kill animals that she put in his bedroom and doesn’t miss a chance to remind him of his “low birth”. And if you’re holding out for a decent villain, don’t bother: Despite being one of the more interesting characters, Aizhana is just a vengeful zombie who boasts a typhus-riddled black tongue (I kid you not), long fingernails, and a festering grudge. That’s pretty much it.

And just what the fuck is this sentence structure?! The writing is clunky, awkward, and the cause of many an eye-roll. For example: “Nikolai shook his head at the beauty of Bolshebnoie Duplo.” This is an actual sentence in a published book not written for fourth-graders. This is an actual sentence in a published book that is presumably not written by a fourth-grader. I have read and enjoyed books with similar writing flaws, but the other elements of the book compensated for them. Obviously, nothing in The Crown's Game does.

This clumsy delivery pervades the romance of the book too. In yet another nightmare sentence, Pasha gushes about this gorgeous girl (Vika), whom he spotted from a distance the other day:

“She has red hair, like the most hypnotizing part of a flickering flame, and her voice is both melodic and unflinching.”

Ew, gross, no, stop. You’re embarrassing yourself, Pasha. You heard her speak but three sentences from a distance and now you can describe her voice like that? Not only does this further paint Vika as a Mary Sue, but it also just makes Pasha look like a pompous ass. This sort of florid diction is typically reserved for Lord Byron’s poetry. And then, when Pasha hops back on the boat back to St. Petersburg, Skye writes, “He murmured, ‘Vika,’ to himself, more than once.” Oh. My. God. By this point, I can safely say that Pasha acts like Ron Weasley under the influence of Romilda Vane’s love potion. J.K. Rowling at least had the courtesy to cure Ron of his sorry state by within the chapter; Skye’s characters, on the other hand, continue this behavior throughout Crown’s Game. I can’t pick on just Pasha, not when Vika serves up internal monologues like this one:

“It was as if the attempts to kill her faded into the background, and now she saw the truth at the core of it all: Nikolai’s magic was gorgeous and powerful and... and... Her lungs faltered. Even the mere memory of his magic was so strong. And touching Nikolai, even through her gloves and his sleeve, was like being pummeled by a stampede of wild horses. No, wild unicorns. Beautiful, wild unicorns.”

He’s the other enchanter, and she’s just now figured out that he’s powerful? Also, does she want to fuck him or his magic? If you think Nikolai contributes nothing to this travesty of romance, you’re quite wrong:

“He had thought, during the mazurka, that they’d had something. Their touch had both frenzied and frozen the ballroom. Their breathing had synchronized, heatedly.”

I could find more examples but I really don’t want to, since I prefer not vomiting.

Skye spends so much time on saccharine pseudo-poetry that she skimps on meaningful interactions between characters, particularly those involved in the two pairings we the readers are supposed to choose between. One carriage ride and a ballroom dance with Vika, whom he’s only known for a couple of weeks, and he thinks he’s so in love with her that when he discovers Nikolai's identity as the second enchanter and that Nikolai is "in love" with Vika too, he feels betrayed enough to pit the two of them - his best friend and the girl he supposedly loves - against each other in a battle to the death. Nikolai and Vika's encounters consist of either one attempting to murder the other, often with a crowd of bystanders within view, or gazing longingly into each other's eyes. Although Vika does have a sweet mother-daughter scene with Ludmila, and Sergei and Galina seem to reach some kind of reconciliation before the former dies, character-to-character interactions are generally superficial and unanimated.

In the end, whether you subject yourself to the agony of reading this book is up to you. Personally, I think it might be less time-consuming to purchase a bottle of high fructose corn syrup from the grocery store, go home, and drink the entire fucker in one sitting. You'd get the same bland, over-sweet experience from whichever one you choose. As for me, I won't be reading another book of Evelyn Skye's. I've had enough literary corn syrup to last me a lifetime.

You can also read this review on my website: <https://thebookishhawk.home.blog/2019/02/25/the-crowns-game-book-review/>.