#'cos it either feels like i'm just a number to most people or just the one partner they decide to write w/ 'cos their bored or something

[untoterxhund]

either gonna remake again in the future and hand out the url privately or gonna clean out the followers list again me'thinks. so if you wanna stay mutuals and plan on writing w/ me in the future when I can actually dedicate time to doing so w/out any stressors or anxiety spikes then please, slap that heart real quick for me.

if not, it was a pleasure to write and talk for a bit and wish y'all good luck on your future endeavors 'n stuff.

[pynkhues]

https://www.tumblr.com/pynkhues/763036611208527872/its-funny-that-you-talk-abt-the-interracial?source=share

Yeah what? You've been really clear that NEITHER is the wife, because they're both cis men. And I agree that people can get a little weirdly hung up on one of them being the woman, somehow, which feels different from exploring "feminine" qualities either or both might have.

Thank you, and yeah. It does feel like a pretty selective and bad faith reading of what I've written, and I kinda suspect from how they've written what they have that they might be an anon who's sent me a few asks now? Which leaves me a little bemused that anyone might follow this blog that specifically for haterism given I'm pretty under the radar in this fandom, haha.

[personasintro]

Employed 01 | jjk

⏤𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴; Being independent while living the harsh reality of adulthood is sparked by arrogance in the form of the most infuriating man you've ever met.

⏤𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨: ceo!jungkook x reader

⏤𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: fluff, angst, smut, slow burn, enemies to lovers

⏤𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: explicit language

⏤𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 16.4k+

banner by: @archivedkookie // thank you so much again for making this for me! ♡

index (to be added)

El: I think I'm drunk again

"think or know?"

El: know then

El: turns out I didn't have sex yesterday 

El: god I already masturbated twice today!!!

You could survive without that information, a snicker leaving your mouth at your best friend's messages. She had a date yesterday. Well, you're not sure if it was officially a date or she just hung out with one of her co-workers she's been flirting with for weeks now. 

Elaine broke up with her then boyfriend recently. This co-worker of hers has caught her eyes even when she was in a relationship (with a total douchebag). Not mentioning he's still in a relationship with his girlfriend. They're not on good terms either but still. It's complicated and who are you to judge?

"make it three then" 

El: it's not helping :/

"because he's all you're thinking about"

That one is true. He's been a topic number one in any of your conversations.

El: that's true lol

El: but I'm kinda scared to get involved with someone from my work

"I'm not surprised, it usually is like that"

"but look, you're never gonna find out if you don't try it"

While you're trying to be as supportive as a best friend can be, you do have your own opinion about her little shenanigans. But in the end, you do want her to be happy and not be depressed because of her two failed relationships from before. This guy at least seems to be treating her right and he's a proper gentleman. Not a red flag which cannot be said about the previous two ones. 

El: so you think I should give it a chance?

Jumping from one relationship to another is... you're not sure what to think of it. Everyone's different and you try to keep being open-minded. If he makes her happy and she wants to try it, why not? 

You know you would be more wary, especially after a heartbreak. You would focus on yourself first, recharge and regain self-love or whatever people do after a break-up. 

Before you can type your reply, another message pops up.

El: because he treats me right and everything's perfect... I'm just scared of that one fact of working together

"well working with friends or family never does any good, the same goes for relationships"

That's a fact. In most cases it's the worst anyone can do. 

"but try it if you feel like that's the right thing"

You're not one of those friends who give false hope. You're honest, try to be without getting too honest which could potentially hurt someone. Elaine is a wonderful woman. You've known her for years and have been best friends just as long. It's unfortunate the majority of your communication is done through messages and occasional video calls. Ever since you moved out of the country, you've been away from everyone. 

However, you knew what you would lose in order to pursue a different life you always wanted.

El: what about you tho? have you found yourself a job yet?

The question you've found unpleasant back home – and you still do. 

"no :("

El: don't worry! you just got there

El: I'm sure you'll find one soon x

Sighing, you wish Elaine's words would come true. Preferably very soon.

You send her a quick thank you with a heart emoji before someone slides onto the opposite seat. Met with a wide grin and crinkled eyes at the ends, your before neutral expression turns into a surprise and happiness. You didn't hear him coming!

"Hobi!" you greet him after not seeing his face for a few days.

He's been your friend for quite some time now. Actually, it's safe to say he's been a huge help ever since you decided to move here. It lasts until now and without his help, you're not sure if you would've ever had the guts to leave the comfort of familiarity of your country.

"Hey," he greets, laughing a little as the air becomes more cheerful. Or maybe it's only you and the fact he's no stranger to you. 

Having prying eyes on you almost all the time is still a little uncomfortable. As if they knew you're a foreigner right out of the bat.

Hoseok chose to meet up at his favorite place. He's a little late, but you don't have the heart to scold him for it. You know it's only your anxiety of having to be here alone, feeling strangers' eyes on you. Luckily, you did the typical trick. Staring into your phone, minding your business and trying to act unbothered. 

"Have you ordered anything yet?"

"Ah, no," you shake your head, "Was waiting for you."

You had to tell the older lady to give you more time since your friend should be arriving anytime soon. 

"Sorry for running late, traffic here is no joke." he apologizes, shrugging his overshirt as he hangs it over the bag of his stool.

"It's fine." you tell him, catching his amused expression which causes you to purse your lips. 

"No scolding?"

"I was about to but I changed my mind."

"Of course you were." he laughs.

Before another word can be uttered and a fit of giggles surround the round table, what you assume is the owner – the same lady that asked you for your order earlier – comes back with the same kind smile. Hoseok says both your orders, already knowing your usual choice since you're here the third time already. Like you said, it's his favorite place to eat. Korean barbecue is definitely worth every penny. 

"I didn't wanna tell you on the phone but–" He giggles when he notices your wary look. "You haven't found a job yet, right?" He makes sure.

For some reason, your cheeks heat up in guilt. Guilt from not being able to find out despite living here for two weeks. Okay, it might not be a long time but the whole process of finding a job is way harder. You've been through something similar back in home. Having to experience this all over again feels very saddening. You would lie if you told you haven't had any expectations. Of course, you know it's not going to be easy but still. You hoped it would be easier.

You're a little fucked up from the situation back home. The months you waited to get a job and then lose it in the span of one month. Wasn't your fault, but it still hurts though. 

Shortly said, you just can't allow yourself to experience that again. 

"No." you mumble, placing your elbow on the table as you prop your chin on your palm. 

"Perfect," he says, met with a raised brow from you. "I have a friend."

"Oh god."

"No, listen to me," he presses. 

Hoseok has a lot of friends. Different types of friends. While you haven't been able to meet most of them (which you're sure is not even possible since he's got a lot of them), you've heard of them. 

"He owns a company. A very prestigious one," 

That has your eyes widening.

"He's been looking for an assistant, told me about it when we went out for a whiskey."

"Since when do you drink whiskey?"

"Not the point," he grits, "Anyway, he just mentioned it very briefly but then an idea sparked when I was home. How did I not think of it sooner? Right, like–"

"Hobi." You motion for him to shorten it and to get to the fucking point. 

"Right," he laughs, "So–you should work for him."

You blink and stare, breathing out a chuckle. "Just like that?"

"Well, no." he frowns a little, "You should probably go to the interview–but honestly, you have nothing to be scared of."

"But assistant? What are the requirements? What about–"

"He's gonna tell you everything. We don't talk about work much and he only briefly mentioned looking for an assistant. But you're great and skillful. What else do you need to be an assistant?"

"I don't think it's that easy, Hobi. Especially if it's some big company like you said."

Hoseok leans back, shrugging. "He's my friend. He's gonna take you in." he promises and waves his hand, sending you a little assurement along with a wide supportive smile. 

You're not sure you're assured at all. But you have nothing to lose. You told Elaine to try it because else she wouldn't know. Even though this is not about a relationship at all, there's some similarity to the situation. 

And you're going to listen to your own advice.

Hoseok wasn't lying when he said about his friend's company. That alone made your stomach shrink with unease and the only thing that calmed you was the reminder of their friendship. Regardless of this successful friend of his and what he said about his business, you expected a decent and nice building. 

Not a freaking tallest and biggest building on a street full of companies. 

Holy shit. 

That's your first reaction you luckily keep to yourself while you stare at the tall building. Oh god. You're ten seconds from running away like a coward but you can't. You simply can't let a stupid stress affect you. This is a great opportunity for you. 

Plus, not to mention the lengths Hoseok went through to get you a chance to have an interview here. He talked to his friend because of you, purely because of that you can't disappoint him as well. 

Staring at the building, it screams of wealth even from its exterior. Is it stupid to say it kind of looks a little intimidating? Sure, your nerves could play a role in this as well. It looks like the entire building is covered in glass, in one you can't see through from the outside. Plus it looks super clean. 

Do they get it cleaned often? You laugh at your thoughts, releasing a breath you've been holding before you finally start walking toward the entrance. 

The only info Hoseok gave you was time and date. He told you there's nothing to worry about and you'll find your way around. Despite the lack of information, he tried to assure you. But walking up the stairs, you mentally curse at your friend. He might've done that because he didn't want you all stressed out, but it has a complete opposite effect.

So you remind yourself of his words of assurement and just go for it. 

The tall and huge door is automatic. Of course it is. It opens as soon as you're close enough, fast enough so you don't have to halt your steps which happens often with automatic doors. 

Scent of freshness and (novelty?) hits you pleasantly as soon as you're inside. It's everything you see in big movies. A lot of space, minimalistic but pretty interior. Everything is modern and even people working here are dressed elegantly, in dark blue color that is matched with white. 

"Miss? Where are you going?"

Almost jumping at the sudden presence beside you, you see a bulky man with a security tag attached to his elegant shirt. Even security has elegant attire? Holy fuck, Hoseok, where did you send me?

You're impressed, almost too impressed but that only sparks your stress even more. 

Especially when you see the man patiently waiting for your response. 

"Umm," Great. "I've got a job interview here?"

He scans you as if he's searching for any hints of lying. What is this? A fucking pentagon? 

"They'll give you directions at the reception desk. Please, continue past the detector." he says professionally, pointing at the detector system you've only seen at airports.

"Thank you." You try to send him a polite smile, your legs suddenly feeling a little wobbly in those heels. 

You chose an elegant outfit, a nice soft pink set with a touch of a few decent silver accessories. It's not too much but it screams of elegance which suits their theme. You paid extra attention to your make-up and hair, putting all your effort and not only because it distracted you today. 

The reception desk is at the very end, not hard to miss as a huge logo of the company is lit up and attached to the marble wall. There is a young woman aware of your presence immediately, welcoming you there before asking what you are looking for. If they're surprised to see you here, they don't show it as much. 

After explaining you're here for the job interview, she asks for your name and after she checks your information, she gives you directions to get there. There are a lot of employers, busy doing their job as some of them wait for an elevator. There are three of them! 

Other than that, nobody really pays you any attention as a silent chatter involving business resounds inside the elevator. Some of them get out sooner, some of them wait until it's their turn.

Number twelve lits up as a robotic voice informs you of the floor you situate. You get out, not quite sure where else to go as you look left and right. A little confused, the young receptionist hasn't offered any further information beside getting out on floor twelve. That's until you see a group of young females gathered on the left side of the building. Getting a feeling this is it, you walk toward them.

There is another receptionist desk, a few chairs and leather sofa in the hallway as all of them seem to be waiting. This is it.

"Welcome, miss. Are you here for the interview?" Someone asks, catching your attention as you notice another receptionist with the same attire like the one that greeted you earlier. 

This one has short hair, perfectly straightened and styled.

"Oh, hello. Yes I am." you respond lightly as she nods.

"Please sit down and make yourself comfortable. Can I offer you a glass of water?" she asks after she points toward the group of women that are waiting. 

"No, thank you." you smile, luckily finding yourself a free spot where you can sit down. 

It's interesting to see different types of interested parties. You notice how each of them are women and you wonder if that was a requirement or it's because of something else. 

Either way, they're all dressed perfectly and definitely put their best effort. Again, Hoseok said this is a good and big company, so it makes sense everyone probably wants to work here. It's not like you don't feel like you don't fit it, even though it's stupid and they most likely want this job just as much as you do. However, some of them look confident and determined to even be here. They came prepared. 

You purely judge it by their confidence that oozes out of them, without them having to talk at all. 

And then there's a few of them that look nervous, even though they try their best to hide it and match other's energy. 

As much as there's Hoseok enthusiasm about his friend giving you the job, nothing's sure and the huge queue just proves it.

You definitely feel like you could relate more to the latter. You're a little nervous and everyone's eyes are on the door when it gets open, another woman getting out of there. She greets the receptionist before walking away with confident steps, her heels clacking against the marble floor.

You gulp, curling your toes in your heels.

You sit there and wait. Not going to lie, you think about pulling out your phone and at least entertaining yourself with the device until it's your turn. However, no one seems to be doing that and you definitely don't want to give an impression that you don't want to be here. You can't be sure.

There are eyes everywhere, including cameras that you've noticed are in every corner. They don't miss anything. Every fuck up there possibly could be, they're going to see.

But it does make sense. They need to be protected.

One thing about you is that you don't like waiting. You can be patient but after a while you get bored. You've watched your surroundings for the past forty minutes – what else is there to do? 

Your boredom is bound to end eventually and when your name is called, you spring onto your feet. They must've sent your information to the receptionist on this floor, since she never asked for your name. But that's the least of your worries when you finally walk toward the other room. Too focused on not stumbling and doing something embarrassing, you focus on your steps until you get inside the room where everyone has been walking out of. 

It's huge.

This is no meeting room or room designed for job interviews. This is an office. A huge one with a freaking seating area. Your mouth is agape as you notice a similar design the whole building has. The only difference is the view over the entire city and little coziness this office has. It's slightly more personal without having any personal pictures or anything – at least that's what you've quickly caught onto. 

It's hard to navigate around the room, you're not sure where to go. 

"Are you going to come in or not?"

A deep voice resounds around the corner making your eyes widen and stomach shrink. Embarrassed of being called out at checking this place out and clearly not moving, you clear your throat and reach the corner.

A man. 

He stands behind a desk, eyes focused down as his fingers briefly touch the stack of paper spreaded on the dark oak desk.

Before you can utter a single word, politely greet whoever this man is, he speaks again.

"Are you mute?"

What the–

"No?" you almost scoff, frowning a little which causes him to finally lift his gaze up.

He stares you up and down, scoffing silently under his breath. His dark eyes are one of the first things you notice on him. Even from a distance, you can make out the dominance in them. He's tall and has broad shoulders which are definitely more defined in the white button-up. The black suit hugs his form perfectly, like it's been designed for him.

You're not stupid. This man is important. And young. He's too young to be the CEO. Don't they have someone on their team to do the job interviews anyway? Whoever he is, he's clearly confident and full of himself. Perhaps you're mistaken but well...

He cocks his brow at you, eyes motioning at the two chairs in front of his desk. He's telling you to get there and sit down. 

You listen, despite your eyes attached to his form as he no longer watches you. He sits down, making himself comfortable as he peeks into the papers. Your full name comes out of his mouth, reading it aloud as the question sits in the air for a moment.

"Yes, that's me." you jump in to answer, not wanting to make this any more awkward.

You're still slightly perplexed by the not so pleasant start. Suddenly, you understand why most of the women out there were nervous. 

While you sit down and have him right in front of you just a few feet away, you try not to stare too much. He is young. He could potentially be Hoseok's friend. 

"Have you brought any documents with you? CV? Documents of your skills and diplomas? Anything?"

Gulping, you nod before you pull out your finished CV that Hoseok has helped you with. 

He takes it from you, flipping through the pages as he stays quiet. His face is hard to read. A frown clouds most of his features and he looks stern. Too stern for such a young male.

He briefly glances at you, while you play with your nails out of his eyesight. God. What was that look for? You know you're not overly qualified and you haven't graduated from a prestigious school. Your hope of getting this job is slowly dying down as he remains quiet before he tosses the papers onto his desk.

He leans back, glancing somewhere above your head as he sighs. "Why do you think you're suitable for this position?"

Okay, you got this. Fuck, you hate this question. You need money, clearly.

"You know, most people don't even get a chance to get to the job interview stage. Not people with your CV and education history."

"Pardon?" Your response is immediate. With an edge to your tone.

However, he is unfazed. 

"Why are you here, Miss–" He stops before glancing at the papers again before saying your surname. 

This dude is fucking–

Forget he's the hottest piece of man you've ever seen. You can tell right out of bat he's arrogant, a little too arrogant. You know he probably has different types of people coming into his office, you're aware your education record isn't something mind-blowing... but he can still be polite and not so rude.

And before your attitude can come to the surface, you remind yourself why you're here.

You need this.

This is your chance.

You've been staying in your AirBnB ever since you came here. Since you have no job yet, you can't exactly rent any place. So you're paying for the apartment that's your temporary home with your saved up money. You need to find a job and then a place to live in as soon as possible. 

"My friend told me about this job. He knows the CEO. Maybe you could ask him, he probably knows of me."

He knows the CEO? Really, Y/N? You stupid–It makes you sound as if you're completely relying on your friend knowing the CEO. Which is not entirely true. Still, you chose your words diplomatically and maybe this man could change his attitude since you're coming from – is it an inner circle? – or in the worst case, he's–

"I'm the CEO."

Of course he is. 

Fuck. 

Isn't he too young to be running this place? 

"Oh," you mutter, "Well, Hoseok mentioned you're looking for an assistant and–"

"And you think just because you know my friend you're suitable for this position?"

"No!" you exclaim, maybe too loudly which has you shut your mouth immediately as a frown makes it onto your face. 

Minus the fact he called Hoseok his friend, when he's your friend too, he sounds almost amused and definitely rude. 

"I had people graduating from Harvard coming in here before you."

Congratulations, you mentally snark.

What does he want you to say? 

I'm sorry I wasn't rich and smart enough to graduate from Harvard? 

"All I meant was that Hoseok mentioned you're looking for an assistant and that I should try it," 

You completely miss out the part where Hoseok was entirely confident he's going to give you the job. From the looks of it, he's far from it. 

"I may not have the greatest experience in this field, or I haven't had the luck to have an outstanding education record, but I'm hard-working and I learn fast."

"Hard-working and learning fast is not enough." he informs you.

"What else is there to do to be an assistant?" you ask, your mouth shutting up once again when you see the look he gives you. Wow, he has a very intense glare. "I mean–what does it require?"

"A lot of things. Executive assistant does not only perform administrative tasks, but there's a lot of research and tasks beside it. Not to mention I need someone I can rely on whenever."

"I'm a reliable person."

"Hoseok's word is not enough." he grits through his teeth.

You frown again, starting to get pissed off at his attitude. "I can prove it to you."

"Why should I give you a chance?"

"So I can prove it to you?" you deadpan, his glare dropping as he scoffs.

"You're awful at answering questions." he notes, mumbling under his breath almost as if it's not aimed for your ears.

But you hear him regardless, pressing your lips together as you straighten yourself. 

There's silence that follows. It lasts long, almost too long so you consider walking out of here. His phone vibrates as he reaches toward the device and sighs eventually. 

He puts his phone to his ear, answering with a dry Yes.

He listens for a moment. Frowning as he leans against his chair and looks at the ceiling.

"Yes, she's here."

Hoseok.

He's calling him. 

That has your attention as the young male whose name remains unknown for now glances back at you. With the same stoic expression, of course.

"Ho–"

He sighs, pinches his brow. He's listening, rolling his eyes here and there while you find it amusing. Though you don't dare to smile or even give him some sort of reaction that he might see.

"You owe me." he grits before ending the call. 

He tosses the phone back where it was, not looking pleased at all.

"I'm doing this because Hoseok is my friend."

You stare, ignoring the way your chest clenches with sadness for some reason. Or maybe it's a disappointment and embarrassment. 

"You have five working days to show me your potential. If you mess up, you're out of here."

While your not old self would tell him (very happily) fuck you, you know this is your chance to prove more things and not just to others, but to yourself as well. Even having this company's name in your CV is going to be a major help. 

"Thank you." you tell him instead, standing up as he snatches your documents off his desk and hands it to you.

You snatch it back, offering him a tight smile when he glares at the obvious attitude. 

"Here's the contract. Read it, do not sign it yet. Just an idea of what's awaiting for you." he explains, standing up. 

You feel like nothing can prepare you for what's awaiting for you. 

"I'll make sure you're not going to regret it. I mean it–I know I'm not the perfect candidate to work in your company, but I'll prove to you with my hard work that I could be. And not only because of Hoseok."

He stays silent, simply watching you. Not looking sold at all. 

But you nudge your ego away and accept the challenge this man might be. 

"Thank you again, Mr..."

His jaw clenches. 

"Jeon."

The familiar beeping he has grown used to and is a part of his everyday life, rings around his silent office. It rips his attention off the papers in front of him. With a single click, he accepts the call from the front desk on this floor.

"Mr. Jeon, I'm sorry to disturb you but you've got a visitor." The feminine voice that is somehow a part of his everyday life as well resounds. 

Brows pinching together, he stares at the phone with a slightly irritated look. Everyone knows they should not disturb him when he's in the middle of reviewing potential deals. He likes to stay focused. And even Soyeon's automatic apology did nothing.

"I don't have any visits scheduled." he responds, unimpressed and indeed bothered by the interruption. 

The young woman that has been working for him almost since the very beginning keeps herself composed, not showing how intimidated she is by him. 

"I'm aware, sir. But he's saying he's your friend?"

"My friend?" he deadpans. 

There's only one person who could come unannounced, enough to disturb him from–

"Jung Hoseok?" she asks unsurely.

Of course it's Jung Hoseok. 

No one barely comes here for visits. Everyone – and by that he means everyone that knows him personally or professionally – knows he doesn't appreciate visits. Not before his lunch and not even after. He's here to work. 

A sigh makes it past his lips as he scratches his eyebrow. "Send him in."

Despite the lack of visits he barely gets – just because he doesn't want them – he still made sure people that know him are on the list. In case there is some kind of emergency and for some reason can't be contacted. You never know. He takes precautions. 

Jung Hoseok is one of those people on the list. 

But the difference is no one really abuses that kind of privilege that gets him through security. Basically gives him a free pass around the building. 

"I get it from here, sweetheart. Thank you. He's my friend." He hears from behind the door, a chuckle of disbelief makes it out of his lips before his office door is open.

His receptionist stutters over her words but before she can make a proper sentence, his not by much older friend closes the door with a thud. Arms outstretched and wide grin, he stares at him unimpressed. 

"Surprise!" Hoseok chimes, striding toward his desk as if he owns this place.

Even with his presence here, Hoseok doesn't come here often. In fact, he can't remember when was the last time his friend visited him here. But out of people coming here unannounced, Hoseok makes the most sense. 

It can be seen he's not here often, momentarily ripping his gaze off the frowning and intimidating CEO to admire the spacious office. 

"Indeed," he mutters.

"Oh, come on. At least look like you're happy to see me!"

"Why pretend?" he simply asks, the older pursing his lips as he rolls his eyes. "Is there a reason for your... surprising visit?"

"Of course there is," he confirms, slouching himself in one of the chairs. He sighs in content, a look of surprise at how comfortable that chair is. "Alright, I'm sorry for popping in just like that–but I was around and since you barely answer my calls–"

"I'm busy."

"I know you're, Mr. CEO."

He rolls his eyes at Hoseok.

"So I came to you."

"Why? We saw each other last week."

"I'm gonna ignore that comment," he remarks, causing the younger one to shrug. "Anyway. I thought this would be better to discuss in person."

He sighs, leaning against his chair. "Just spit it out. I'm really busy."

"Okay," he says, propping his ankle against his knee as he shakes his foot. A habit of his friend that he noticed a long time ago. "When we were hanging out, you mentioned something about being in need of an assistant."

"What? You wanna be my assistant?" he jokes, amused by the idea. 

Hoseok rolls his eyes and almost flips him off. But then he remembers his visit here has a purpose. He would rather not risk anything. 

"No, Jungkook. I do not want to be your assistant," he emphasizes, causing his lips to curl into an amused grin. "But I know someone that might wanna."

"Hoseok," Jungkook sighs, "I don't want any of your–whoever that might be–in my company."

"What does that mean?" he gasps.

"Your choice of friends or people you know are... questionable."

"Okay, that's actually very rude!" 

Jungkook shrugs. "It's true."

"How did you know I'm talking about my friend?"

"I didn't, I just called them that to keep it respectful."

"It's not one of my hook-ups!"

"Spit it out. I don't have time for this nonsense." Jungkook sighs, staring at the ceiling. Hoseok is really testing his patience. He's hungry and with a lot of work in front of him.

"My friend moved here recently and has been searching for a job. I thought you could give her a chance, I can totally vouch for her."

Jungkook blinks at the ceiling, staring down at his friend without having to move. "What this friend of yours accomplished?"

Hoseok's eyes widen and he almost stutters. "What do you–"

"Her skills? Education?"

Hoseok is the one who just blinks as Jungkook sits up straight with again, unimpressed look. "I'm not employing just anyone here, Hoseok. This is a successful company for a reason."

"Well–I don't know about any of that but I know she's hard-working and–"

"You don't know and you're here asking me to give her a job?"

"I'm asking you to give her a chance." Hoseok corrects.

"Hoseok, you're my friend–I...I don't hate you–" Hoseok glares at him. "But no."

"Jungkook!" he whines.

"I don't know this person and from the looks of it, you don't know either."

"Just because I don't know her entire resume doesn't mean she's a stranger. Just FYI–" He frowns, "But please. Just give her a chance. I need your help."

Jungkook lifts a brow. 

"You know I never ask you for anything."

That one's true. 

Whatever power Jungkook has in his young age – the age of twenty-eight – Hoseok has never asked him for anything. Let alone use him. He's the most valuable friend he has. Not that he would ever say it out loud. Not in usual situations anyway. Hoseok is aware of that.

"She's been trying to get a job ever since she came here. She lives in–"

"I don't care," he interrupts, scratching his forehead as he tries to soothe the wrinkles there that are caused by frowning. "She probably can't find a job because she's just not... good."

"That's not true," Hoseok quickly jumps to remark. "You know how hard it is to find a job nowadays."

It's silent for a few moments.

"Please."

"Don't." Jungkook stops him, closing his eyes.

"Just give her a chance."

He already curses himself mentally for this. Perhaps he feels a little embarrassed for Hoseok.

"Fine."

He cringes when he hears a loud squeal of excitement.

"Just one interview. That's all I can promise you." he informs him firmly.

"Thank you!" Hoseok sits up straight, his sneakers thumping against the floor. 

"Now go, I've got to work."

He doesn't argue, right on his feet as he can't stop grinning at the annoyed man. 

"Soyeon will give you further information." he mumbles under his breath.

"Great! Well, I would ask anyway."

Of course he would. 

"Don't forget to eat."

"Okay, get out now." Jungkook mumbles quickly, ignoring the teasing smirk from his friend as he strides out of his office confidently.

Hoseok is at your place. If that can be called that.

You're only sure of that because one of the lights stopped working, the bulb burned out. Rather than having to deal with any additional expenses, because you're never too sure and it's better to be safe than sorry, you asked Hoseok if he could come today and change it.

Plus, you need someone to help you with the stress you know your job interview would bring you. And you were goddamn right.

However, that's not the only thing you're bringing with yourself.

Since you gave Hoseok the second card and code to your temporary home, you knew he would be there already. You told him to wait up for you, way before you had the opportunity to meet his friend.

That man can't be anyone's friend. You doubt it.

The moment you get your shoes off and meet Hoseok's sheepish grin, he has no time to react as you reach for one of the cushions and start hitting him repeatedly. He squeals as if his life depends on it, though no real damage is done as your frustration takes over.

"That. Was. Fucking. Awful!" You say with each hit, finally getting the cushion snatched from you as he tosses it back onto the couch behind you.

"What happened?"

Glaring at him, you see it in his eyes. The hidden glints of knowing, even the tiniest tint of apology. 

"Why didn't you tell me he's fucking arrogant and rude?"

His cheeks heaten up as he sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. "He can be rough around the edges, but he's not that bad."

"No!" you yell, "He's even worse!"

"Okay, let's sit down and talk." he tries, giggling nervously as he leads you to sit down.

You do, huffing out as you cross your arms over your chest. The feeling of embarrassment and close to humiliation keeps coming back every time you think about the entire moment you spent in that building. You've never felt more like shit before. He made you question your abilities and skills, judged you by your resume within seconds. He made you feel like you're nothing.

Not mentioning he's not interested in hiring you at all. He made sure to let you know that. 

"Y/N, come on..." Hoseok speaks after a moment, softly and sorry just as he looks.

"Why didn't you tell me? I came there and–" You don't bring yourself to say how hopeful you were when coming there, despite being nervous. "You promised me it's going to be okay." you add way quieter, embarrassed to admit it out loud. 

It sounds childish but Hoseok was the one who sparked hope and confidence in you. He assured you everything is going to work out. Of course you knew it couldn't be all true. There is always a space for failure or something not going according to plan, but this? This is your worst experience in months. Definitely takes the cake for the worst experience here in Seoul. 

"I'm sorry," You hear, his features softening as he squeezes your forearm. "I knew if i told you how he can be, you wouldn't go there. I didn't want you to miss this opportunity."

"What opportunity?" you scoff. 

While you realize he wanted to help, what's the purpose of it if his friend isn't exactly one that wants to help?

"He made me feel stupid."

"No," Hoseok argues, earning a glare from you. He wasn't even there! How can he argue about that? "He's just very selective with his staff."

"Oh, trust me, I figured. I mean, he wasn't exactly secretive about that."

Hoseok nervously laughs and rubs your arms. "But besides that, how did it go?"

"I–" you stop, thinking for a moment. "I don't know if it was me or you, but somehow I convinced him to let me prove myself."

"Y/N, that's amazing!" Hoseok yells excitedly, receiving a pointed look from you.

"I mean... it's worth a shot," you mutter, "But I feel like I'm gonna get fired before stepping in there."

"Listen to me," Hoseok says, scooting closer. Straightening himself, he makes sure you see his persistent features and the seriousness behind them. "You're gonna rock it there. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Jungkook can be difficult and I can't promise he's going to be all sweet, but if you'll do your job well then everything's gonna be fine. Trust yourself."

"Hobi, I trusted myself and coming back from there, I feel like utter shit."

"Come on now..."

"No, you didn't see how he looked at me. He told me people that graduated from Harvard come there looking for a job. Do you get it? Harvard. Or a fucking Yale!"

"Yeah..." he mumbles, "I told you he's successful. So is his company."

"No shit."

Hoseok chuckles, "That doesn't change the fact that you're good. You'll get better."

Nibbling on your bottom lip, you feel panic arising at the thought of going back there. You don't have a choice though. You can't live here for any longer and you need a job desperately. 

"You're the only one that thinks this. And sorry, but that's not enough."

What you mean is that it won't affect his friend's decision in any way. Hoseok is no help at the moment. He got you the job interview which of course has helped, and you will let him know that as soon as your panic fades away a bit. But from now on, it's just you. 

You'll need to prove yourself.

To wipe that arrogant look from Jeon's face.

You were up for a challenge, but this one seems to be the biggest yet. 

Hoseok laughs at your words, knowing very well what you mean. Trying to light up the mood, he pokes your side with his elbow. "I'll beat him up if he's gonna treat you wrong."

"Sorry but from the looks of it, it seems like you're the one who would get his ass beaten."

Snickering at Hoseok's loud gasp – the one you know its purpose is to lighten up the mood once again – you can admit that out loud. The arrogant prick has muscles on him. You could see it from behind that desk alone.

"I'm prepared to take the risks from you." he jokes, teasing you.

"Oh, shut up!"

He laughs loudly, the ringing sound causing your lips to twitch. All the amusement is gone as his face pops up in front of you again. So are you reminded of the negative experience you unfortunately went through not even an hour ago. 

"No offense to your friend, but he's a fucking asshole." you spit, not even thinking of how Hoseok can feel about you cursing at his supposedly friend. You should've been more considerate but rather than being met with offended Hoseok, you hear his laugh again.

"Well, sorry to say this but you need this asshole."

The worst part of it is that he's absolutely right.

You made sure no disaster would happen from the beginning. Like for example, waking up late on your first day of work. Just to be safe, you set up around four alarms to make sure you won't be late.

Besides not eating anything from all the nerves, you've received an encouraging message from Hoseok who puts a lot of faith in you. At least someone does. You certainly stopped the moment you met Mr. Jeon.

Or Jungkook. Like Hoseok calls him.

It feels weird to put a proper name on him. First name, is what you mean. It's weird to even call him by it in your head. There's undeniable respect (or a fear) you have of him. Even by talking to him for a few minutes, it seems like he's going to pop up the moment you call him by his first name in your mind. 

With an empty stomach, minus the glass of water you gulped down before leaving, you get on your way to Jeon Investments Inc. The ride in a cab is full of anxiety and no matter how many times you try to steady your breathing, you feel like you're on the verge of a panic attack. Even the poor driver seems to be concerned as he asks you if you're okay. 

Turns out, after you read the contract once you found the courage, there might be a lot of things you're not prepared for. Minus all the professional terms and conditions you're supposed to comply with, you feel lost. Utterly lost. And fucked.

You've got many questions. Once you ask, you know you will come out as inexperienced and even dumb. Being an assistant is not just taking calls and dealing with emails. That much you understood after reading the ten pages of a very professionally and legally written contract. 

There is so much expected from you and being truthfully honest, you're not sure if you can make it. 

Curiosity got the best of you and after gulping down a whole glass of beer – let's ignore the fact you bought it to yourself even despite your financial state – you of course, googled your boss. Can you even call him that yet? Is he officially your boss? No contract has been signed. Mr. Jeon made sure of it. 

There are many articles about Jeon Jungkook. Most of it is just boring and professional stuff. It contains the same information – and there are not that many to begin with – but from the looks of it, it seems like Mr. Jeon is one lucky fucker. Has been born into a wealthy family and like in the famous books and movies, has inherited the family company. The man is practically swallowed in money.

He's successful. And well known amongst business people. Surely, he's no stranger in this particular circle of people.

But at least this is different from all the books and money. Because even though he's successful and has many official photos from different events, he's no celebrity. His life is purely private and no one digs in it. Which is probably for the best for him. This man is practically mysterious.

You're reminded by your conversation with Hoseok after you calmed down after your breakdown. 

"How did you even meet a guy like him?"

"Jungkook? Ah, I've known him since he was a kid. You could say we're a distant family."

"What?!" You screeched at the thought of it. And you have no idea why. 

How did you find out about it only now?

"Well, my great aunt actually married Jungkook's mom's cousin?" He questioned almost unsurely as he frowned in thought before he nodded. "Yeah. It's a little mixed up and we're not really blood related but yeah."

Thinking about it now, it makes sense. 

Where else would Hoseok meet someone like him? Without a doubt, he must've attended some private college and surely, all types of schools before that. God, he's definitely one of those people that were in a private daycare! You can only assume and you don't want to put any stereotypes on him, but based on what you know about him, he lives a different life than you and most people for sure. 

Who owns millions worth company at the age of––How old is he? 

That's something you forgot to ask Hoseok. 

The cab ride is awfully fast. Which you should be glad for. You're ten minutes earlier which is definitely better than being late. Plus, it will take you some time to get to the top floor. Especially if you'll have to go through the same process with security like before.

You do. 

The security makes you do the same routine like you had to go through when you first got here. It is their job and you fully understand that, though you're a little annoyed when they eye you as if you're carrying a gun underneath all your clothing. After all of that is done and you do have to inform your arrival at the front desk, you're finally allowed to go on the lift. 

You're not even sure if you work at the same floor where Mr. Jeon is, but guess you will find out. Despite your inner nerves and anxiety crawling up your throat, you try to appear confident as if you're not ten seconds from a mental breakdown. 

Your presence is luckily ignored, everyone seems to be on their way to work as most of them exchange greetings. Since you don't know anyone and you're not familiar with any of their faces, you remain silent unless you share eye contact with someone. You have no problem politely greeting anyone. It does put you a little at ease when most employees give you the tiniest tilt of a smile. 

The floor that you're slightly familiar with is less empty than you remember it to be, but there are still a few people walking down the halls. Getting to the front desk, you wait up there when you find it empty. Not trying to get nervous because of it, you keep looking around. You definitely look out of place. No doubt there. 

Someone gets out of the backroom and the female you're already familiar with, gets behind the desk. It doesn't take too long for her to notice you and when her eyes fall upon you, you make sure to greet her and explain why you are here. 

You're not sure if she's informed of your purpose here but she nods regardless.

"Mr. Jeon is not expected to arrive for the next hour. But that doesn't concern you, at least not now. First, we have to give you an attire."

Oh, that's right. 

Everyone has a certain dress code and since you haven't received any clothes, or instruction what to wear, you wore something work appropriate. Something similar you wore to the job interview.

"Come with me." she says with a little smile, motioning you to follow her as she leads you down the hall. 

She stops, pulling out a card from her pocket as she attaches it to the scanner. 

Opening one of the doors that is similar to the next dozen ones you've passed by, you walk inside. It's a small sized room, compared to the big halls and enormous office you were interviewed in. There's nothing special about it, though you wonder what this room is for. Besides a transparent circle shaped glass table and tall sized dressers, there's not much in here. 

Still, the room is designed well and goes with the rest of the company's aesthetic. In the corner you notice a small kitchen cabinet. There is a coffee machine and a table next to the cabinet with two stools. It seems like a breakroom but you're not sure. It seems... small compared to what this company is. 

The drawer being open is heard as the female that is yet to be introduced to you, asks your size. You answer her and watch in awe as she pulls out clothing. 

"Do you prefer pants or a skirt?"

A little taken aback, you look at her and notice her wearing a skirt. Well, you did shave your legs. "Skirt." you respond before thinking it through. 

"You can wear whatever is more comfortable to you. Mr. Jeon isn't too stern about women wearing skirts and it's completely up to us. Of course, you can change it whenever you want. You don't have to wear skirts all the time," she explains as she sets the pile of clothing that matches everyone's attire on the glass table. 

"You can wear your set of clothes too, they don't have to be company's. Some employees prefer wearing this since it saves money. But you're free to buy and wear your own clothes as long as it meets our dress code. Nothing too revealing and in the dark colors, so black or dark blue,"

You try to give attention to every word she says and you desperately let too much information sink in. Her mouth just won't stop.

"The heels you've on are fine. That isn't provided by the company, though we do have some emergency options in the dresser there," She points at one of the dressers. "You buy your own heels, that is something the company gives you money for every two months. It's added as an extra in your paycheck."

Luxury. 

"This room is not an official break room. That's somewhere else, I can take you there," She says when she glances at her watch. "This is mainly just an emergency room when you need to change clothes. It's almost like a storage room. But you can come here and make yourself coffee. I prefer to do that sometimes because it's close to my desk and it's less crowded. No one really comes in here. It's not used as much."

You nod as she glances around.

"The windows are tinted, so no one can see inside. So don't worry about the lack of curtains. You can change your clothes here, it's safe."

"Thank you."

"Very well then. I'll let you get changed. You can put your clothes back in that dresser in the corner and get them back when you clock off."

"Okay, thank you."

And with that, she spins on her heels and walks out of the room. She closes the door after her to give you some privacy. Not wasting any time, you quickly change your clothes and do everything based on what information she told you. The clothes fit and surprisingly, it's very comfortable as well. 

Your hands caress the material of your skirt and without doubt, it's clearly expensive.

Adjusting your hair, you walk out of the room to find her waiting for you. Once she sees you, she wastes zero time and starts leading you elsewhere. You have a lot to catch on.

She briefly starts pointing at the countless doors, explaining what's behind them. As much as you listen to her and try to remember everything she's saying, there's no way you will remember all of it by the time she's done. 

Passing through the glassed big room with a long table and dozens of chairs, she introduces it as one of the meeting rooms. 

"It's the most used one. Big meetings and contracts are signed there." 

There is also a big projector screen on one side of the wall with the greatest view of the city. 

She points to restrooms, not wasting time in going in there as she reminds you there's not much time. 

This girl is like a robot. She says everything fast and there's no hint of doubt or anything. You wonder how long it took her to learn everything. There really is no way someone is able to know all of this in a day. But rather than being met with any sign of empathy, she keeps showing you around and throwing new information on you from every side. 

"As you might have noticed, I work at the front desk on this floor. We will mainly work together, but your job as an assistant is closer to Mr. Jeon. Whatever you will have to deal with and prepare, I will inform you about. It's your job to make sure it runs smoothly."

She says as you follow behind her, trying to match her fast and long strides. 

Oh god, you can't do this. And you're not talking about walking fast in high heels. 

"Now this," she says, close to her desk and across from Mr. Jeon's office, before she opens the door. "is your office."

You both walk inside. Immediately met with the luxurious interior, you stare at the beige and goldish furniture that despite the color, it all seems minimalistic and clean. The entire room smells nice, and is definitely cleaner thoroughly. There's a white desk and behind it is the entire wall of long shelves with binders sorted most likely alphabetically. Even the shelves are backlit with LED lights. Since the entire building is covered in windows, there is an amazing view on your right side as you stand in front of the desk. 

"This will be your workplace. You will handle all calls, emails and everything of that sort here. Of course, you will be required to move around the building, so this place is mostly for you to handle the things where you need some peace and quiet."

"Wow," you manage to say. "This office is beautiful."

There are even nice plants in matching pots that make this place more alive.

"It sure is," she hums, "I don't think you will use it that much though."

You look at her a little confusingly. "Well, it's mainly for those calls and emails. You have tons of other work to do."

You don't get the courage to ask for more information. At least not now when you barely have enough time to blink.

"Follow me."

She leads you further down the hall, knowing every corner like the back of her hand as she greets passing by coworkers automatically. Some of them steal a curious look at you, but their prying eyes are long forgotten when your focus is elsewhere. 

"Saja," The woman calls out, stopping between the huge door frame. 

Across her shoulder, you notice a spacious room with multiple tables and stools around them. This has to be the break room she told you about before. The scent of morning coffee mixed with freshness hits your nose, the freshness that floats in the air through the entire building. 

One of the employees turns around, her gaze falling on her colleague shortly after as she excuses herself and walks up to the two of you. You notice she looks at you for a short period, mainly keeping her focus on the woman in front of you.

"Could you please show–I'm sorry, what was your name again?" she asks, glancing across her shoulder as her apologetic eyes fall down on you.

Ignoring the pinch of embarrassment, your name fills the short silence that is shared between the three of you. 

"You don't mind me calling you by your first name?" she assures.

"No, that's fine." you respond, hoping all of you can be at least friendly with each other. She did call the other woman by her first name. 

"Great," she takes a breath as she turns back facing – was it Saja? "I need you to explain to Y/N what's expected from her, especially today. I showed her around, so I hope–" She glances back at you, "You slightly know your way around."

Saja nods, clearly knowing this beforehand because her reaction is not full of surprise. In fact, there's zero surprise.

"She's your responsibility right now," She reminds her and even though Saja nods, you see her brows slightly raised in a mere annoyance. "Don't forget, Mr. Jeon expects everything to run smoothly."

"Of course." she says.

The woman that has shown you around turns to you, her lips close to a soft smile but her mind seems to be elsewhere. Clearly she's rushing to go back to work, at least you assume that is the reason for her abruptness. When she glances at her watch, it confirms your suspicion. 

"Well, good luck on your first day."

"Thanks–" You stop, giving her a questioning look when you realize you don't know her name. She hasn't introduced herself to you.

Whether the realization hits her at the lack of introduction on her side, she doesn't show it and offers you a simple answer.

"Soyeon."

"Thank you, Soyeon."

"Just listen to Saja here, she will explain the rest to you. And don't stress too much."

That's easier said than done. 

"Any advice?" you ask, chuckling nervously as she gives you a sympathetic look.

"Don't mess up."

Your mouth falling open and a total despair dominating your features, you watch Soyeon wave at you before she scurries away. You swear your heart just dropped and the stress of not being able to do this comes up to you in a bigger intensity. 

Though you seem panicked and not present, you do notice Saja's eyes scanning you from head to toe as she clears her throat. Looking at her, she motions you to join her in the room. Ignoring all eyes on you, you focus on her as she leads you toward the kitchen counter. 

"Mr. Jeon comes at half past eight every morning. Occasionally an hour earlier, so you should always be prepared for that just in case,"

What are you supposed to do? Spread a red carpet for him?

"By the time he comes here, he needs to have his schedule ready for him. You also do that a day prior, sending him his schedule electronically. But you still need to have everything ready the day he comes in, so this means all papers and other details that he needs to check over or have it prepared for him."

You nod along with her explanation as if you've done this before. 

"The assistant before you had that prepared for you, so you don't have to do it today. But it is expected of you to do that tomorrow and from now on,"

"Okay."

"Mr. Jeon doesn't like someone coming inside his office when he's not there. But as his assistant, he prefers all the documents to be on his desk, fully prepared and ready for him, when he gets there. That's where Soyeon comes, she's going to inform you Mr. Jeon entered his office and that's when you bring his morning coffee to him."

Is he a king or a boss?

Mr. Jeon seems like the biggest menace already. 

"Are you listening to me?" she frowns.

"I am, it's just too much information and I'm trying to process it."

You're not met with an ounce of empathy as she scowls at you as if you've done something wrong. That leaves you a little bitter but you don't let it show. You simply just stare at her, a knowing glint in your eyes when you're clearly not scared by her little attitude. What did she expect? Was she I Know It All when it was her first day?

This is insane. 

There's no way anyone that comes to work on their first day knows everything. Not to mention even if that person has experience in this field, every company is different. Every boss is different. Every boss requires something different.

"You better learn fast then. Mr. Jeon doesn't like slackers."

Frowning again, this time you can't fully hide it as you give her a look. Did she call you slacker just because you don't know everything? Which is absolutely fine because Hello, it's your first day here!

She glances at the wall to check the time on a big circled clock that is attached to the wall. Wow, even the clock looks fancy!

Oh shit, she's walking away. Quickly catching up to her, she starts showing you the coffee machine. Automatically, she prepares the cup and barely gives you any time to fully grasp what buttons she's pressing.

"Mr. Jeon should arrive any minute. Soyeon will let you know and you'll bring coffee to him. Along with the papers that are on your desk, I'll show you which ones."

"Won't the coffee turn cold?"

He's not here, he is supposed to arrive. You might not well Mr. Jeon well but he seems like the type to get annoyed when his coffee is cold. And judging by Saja's pause, he most likely is and your guess has been right. 

"If he comes later, you'll just make him another one." 

Mentally shaking your head at the ridiculously over some coffee, she motions for you to grab the cup as she ushers you out of the break room. You try not to spill it, matching her pace as she gets inside your now office in long strides as she opens the door fast and wide. You even passed Soyeon's reception desk but you were rushing to even notice her.

She tosses the stack of documents onto your paper. Ready to walk out, you stop her abruptly by quickly saying; "Thank you!"

She stops, barely giving you a glance across her shoulder as her light hair shines in the natural lightning. She styled it in a neat ponytail that makes her look super professional. 

And with that, she leaves with no words.

She lets the door open, not even closing it behind her as you stare at the door frame where she was standing just seconds ago. Blinking and swallowing down the irritation, you place the steaming hot coffee on your desk. Careful not to spill it over the documents. That would be truly a horror scenario. 

Sighing, you rub your forehead softly, trying not to rub off any make-up you put there. You tuck strands of hair behind your ears, cursing yourself for not putting it up. 

The beeping sound comes from the desk, causing you to jump in surprise as you look around. It's coming from an office phone and you quickly rush to it. You stare at the multiple buttons and touch screen. Logically, you pick up the actual phone and put it to your ear.

Before your mouth opens, Soyeon's voice already reaches your ears.

"Mr. Jeon just entered his office. You have his coffee ready?"

Glancing at the steaming hot coffee, you answer. "Yes."

"Perfect," she sighs, almost in relief. "Oh, not sure if Saja told you but there's an iPad in one of the drawers in your desk. We all have one. That's going to be your best friend from now on."

"Oh, okay, thank you."

In fact, Saja did not tell you about it.

You've got so many questions about the stupid iPad. What's it for? Why do you need to use it? But before you can actually ask anything, Soyeon tells you one last thing before ending the call.

"You better get him the coffee now. Mr. Jeon doesn't like waiting."

Mr. Jeon can go fuck himself. 

Still, you carefully grab the cup of coffee and the documents. Trying to balance it in both of your hands is no joke, but you somehow manage as you rush out of your office. Passing by Soyeon who's on the call, your eyes meet but there's no time for any sort of interaction besides that as you knock at Mr. Jeon's office door. 

"Just get in, he knows it's you." Soyeon whisper yells at you, a hand covering the phone's microphone.

Aren't you supposed to knock? Fuck, you're going to fuck this up so badly.

You can barely open the heavy door, but again, you surprise yourself by managing to do that without any damage done. Being back in this office brings memories but there's no time to dwell on it, not when you have a job to do. 

You see him.

The suit jacket being tossed over the couch that's pressed against the wall, right next to the massive windows. He stands tall, wearing a black button-up with slacks that match his suit jacket. You don't look too much, setting this down onto his desk just as he reaches it and sits behind it. 

When you look at him, you notice the look he gives you.

A look of disbelief that you're really here. He definitely thought you would give up.

But rather than give him that satisfaction – and the fact you need this job – you send him a smile. "Good morning."

You're pleased with yourself. Maybe you caught him off guard by having everything prepared for him. Well, they said he needs these two things from you today and you've managed to do it. That sounds like a success, right? 

"What is this?" he asks, ignoring your greeting like the arrogant prick he is.

He stares at the cup of coffee, annoyance overshadowing his entire features. And you thought he already looked annoyed.

"Your coffee?" you ask dumbly. 

Confused of why he's even asking, you notice his jaw clenching before he looks away to take a deep breath. Breath to regain patience. One he doesn't seem to have. 

"Is this a joke?"

Your eyes widen, a lump creating in your throat as you stare at his cold demeanor. "Pardon?"

"I don't drink macchiato."

How were you supposed to fucking know that? 

"I'm sorry–I didn't–"

You didn't make it. You didn't know.

But he's not interested in your apology. Nor witnessing you being a stuttering mess.

"Black. No sugar." Is all he says through clenched teeth.

Is this a fucking coffee shop?

His eyes are on your hands as you carefully grab the failed coffee. You have a feeling as if he's going to attack you any second and even such a detail like him glaring at your hands seems intimidating.

Sighing, he ignores your presence as he pulls the documents you brought him closer, opening one of them.

With a clenched jaw, you walk out of his office in complete embarrassment and anger. It feels like you're going to cry and you surprise yourself that you already feel this way. This day could not be worse. 

You've managed to already fail and fuck it up, right in front of Mr. Jeon. 

Luckily, Soyeon is not at her desk when you pass by. Finding the right way to a break room, there are less people there than before. Everyone has gone to work.

"What are you doing?" Soyeon suddenly walks in, an iPad in her hands. "Please don't tell me you haven't brought Mr. Jeon his coffee. I saw you walking in there."

Biting the inside of your cheek, you mutter through clenched teeth. "Wasn't the coffee he wanted."

"You got his coffee wrong?" she shrieks as if it's the end of the world.

Preventing yourself from rolling your eyes at the dramatics, you rather explain it. "I wasn't the one who made it. Saja did without telling me what coffee he drinks."

Soyeon stares and you don't know what to think of her look. Does she think you're accusing her that this is her fault? Well, it sort of is but they're colleagues. You don't want to make enemies here. So you nervously chuckle and quickly add;

"She probably got it mixed up."

Soyeon walks closer, helping you to navigate your way with the machine as you silently thank her. 

"She knows Mr. Jeon's coffee preference." Is all she says before she gives you a knowing look, walking away with a sympathetic scrunch of her brows. 

As the coffee pours and the sound of it fills the silence, you stare at the city view. 

She purposely gave you the wrong coffee.

Soyeon never specifically said Saja has set you up. She didn't directly hint at it and perhaps it's just been your rash judgment. Reminded again that this is only your first day here and you don't know anything or anyone, perhaps she made a mistake. That could be the case too. Though you feel bad for thinking the worst, which stems from the fact people are assholes, you focus on doing a good job from now on.

Not that the previous mistake was really your fault. 

You're that kind of person who tries to set the record straight no matter what. So this bothers you even now, but Mr. Jeon definitely doesn't care about any of your explanations. The warning look he gives you when you bring him the right coffee shuts you up immediately. 

Plus, it could all be just a mistake and you wouldn't want to make any accusations over a stupid coffee choice. You haven't graduated from Harvard as Mr. Jeon was so kind to remind you, but you're not dumb. You're not going to make enemies – nor you ever want to. But dealing with not so important things on your first day is not it. Even if your ego and tendency for justice is highly bruised. 

When you're back in your office, you try to make sense of all the papers and documents. There's no one exactly guiding you for it. Turns out the iPad that has been given you shows you Mr. Jeon's schedule. It must've been done by the previous assistant. Everything is neat and in order. You can do that.

You're in the middle of reviewing the device, trying to see how things were previously done so you could do your best, when your phone rings again. You click on the touch screen, staring wide-eyed when it comes to life and Soyeon's voice fills the silence.

"Hey, Mr. Jeon has a meeting at ten. Your presence there is needed."

It's almost embarrassing how your stomach churns at that information – and especially at the thought of it. Being in a meeting full of wealthy men? What are you supposed to do there?

"May I ask why?" you ask – nervously – because you're not sure what you're supposed to do there. 

You've read the contract. First of all, there is too much information for you to remember all of it. Accompanying Mr. Jeon to meetings among other things is one of them, that much you remember. 

"You won't accompany him to all his meetings. This one's big, so you're mostly there to take additional notes and whatever Mr. Jeon tells you."

Is he going to tell you? Because it seems like he expects you to know everything right off the bat. Though you keep that snarky remark to yourself. 

"You just need to be present and actually listen."

A few minutes later, after being navigated by Soyeon to the big meeting room she had shown you earlier, it turns out you were actually right. The room is filled with men wearing suits that scream rich and regardless of their clothing, you can tell they're important. Their age differs, it's a good mixture of young and elders. You do find some comfort when there are two other women there as well. Though, you have no idea what's their purpose or if they're one of the investors, the meeting happens after the official greeting.

They take turns. Setting up their presentations as they continue to speak about either theirs or someone else's business. You're not sure what you're supposed to take notes of. In fact, Mr. Jeon hasn't spoken to you since he successfully ignored your presence here.

He sits at the head of the long table, dark eyes settled on whoever is presenting, listening to them carefully. He has documents settled in front of him, which you soon figure out are the other investors' plans. Whatever they're presenting to him, he has in front of him on paper. You quickly note the nervousness that some men, older than Mr. Jeon for sure, show and truthfully, you don't blame them.

It feels weird to be seated behind the same table as them. You sit on the right side of Mr. Jeon. After a while, he leans back and makes himself more comfortable. Your attention is put on him, noticing he's been playing with a pen, twirling it between his long fingers. Are those rings? You quickly look away, cursing at yourself over and over again. 

Well, it's no secret this arrogant fucker is hot. You haven't had the chance to properly... look at him. The dominance oozes out of him which makes him slightly intimidating. Or maybe it's a mixture of his stern and cold exterior.

You're not a fan of him. That much is clear but none of that is important. You don't need to be one. You just need this job and stupidly said, the money that comes with it. If having to put up with someone full of himself like Mr. Jeon, you will have to endure it. At least until you'll be able to find another job. Having an experience in this company would open many doors for you for sure.

Look at you. 

Here you are thinking of this when no contract has been signed yet. 

A notification pops on your iPad and you stare for a moment before looking around. Are you allowed to look? It's not your personal iPad, it's not like whatever there is is your personal stuff, it must be work related. Before the screen can darken again, you check it. It's a file you open, trying to look as discrete as you can. Everyone's listening to Mr. Choi (if you remember the name in his presentation well), so you quickly take a peek. 

It's a file with everyone's name and the name of their business and presentation. Some of them are marked with a cross and others with a questioning mark. Frowning a little in confusion, you look around. Your breath hitches as soon as you find Mr. Jeon staring at you from your side. 

His stare is cold as ever, his eyes not faltering as you realize. He's the one who has sent you this. You're not sure why you send him a soft nod, silently telling him that you understood.

No reaction comes from him and his attention is directed back to the presenting man.

It continues like this. As the man comes and goes to switch places at the presenting spot and in front of a huge screen, Mr. Jeon slowly sends you his decisions. It's the only communication between you. 

As the meeting continues, you mostly take the notes for yourself as you separate the projects based on Mr. Jeon's previous marks. It's mostly to keep it more neat for you. You're not sure what you're supposed to do with it, but you'll find out from either Soyeon or Mr. Jeon himself. If not, you're just going to have to ask. You're not a fucking mind reader.

All presentations roughly take two hours, you swear your butt has no feeling from all the sitting. Your stomach is empty and it feels like you've lost your butt, it intensifies when you stand up. Mr. Jeon shakes his hand with the others, giving them one last greeting before he walks out of the room. You rush to catch up to him.

Your heels clink beside him as he's aware of your presence. He has to be. Yet he doesn't even spare you a glance as he stops at the elevator and clicks on the button. The elevator door opens immediately, a little surprised how hectic and fast everything seems, you take your place a little behind him.

"I want their presentations sorted out."

Oh my god.

Maybe this day is not going to be so bad after all. 

With a little smugness spreading in your chest, you confidently state; "I've already done that. I'll send it to you."

And then he glances behind him, right back at you as he makes sure you see the lift on his brow. Does he not believe you? Is he impressed? It's so hard to make out what he's thinking. He's definitely a very hard person to be around with. Hoseok deserves a golden medal for putting up with him. 

Irritated by his reaction, with swift taps to your screen, a sound of email being sent fills the elevator.  

You plaster a fake smile at him, making sure he sees it as you softly say. "Already done."

His features harden as he turns around. "I'm staying in for lunch today."

"Okay?" you ask unsurely.

You hear him taking a breath, but you can't see his face since he's not facing you. But he's undoubtedly irritated by your unprofessional response or at all, by your presence. 

"Have you not done any research?" he snarks.

Taken back for a second, you quickly shake yourself out of it. "I have not been informed about your lunch, no."

"Careful, Miss Y/L/N. You're already off to a bad start."

Before you can open your mouth and inform him that the bad start wasn't your fault at all, he doesn't seem to care as he stops you with his palm lifted in the air. His fingers slightly curled as his rings shine.

"This time make sure the coffee is black, or you'll be out of here faster than you can spell coffee."

Opening your mouth at the audacity, luckily for you he turns around right after as the elevator dings and informs you of the floor. He walks out and leaves, leaving you there with an open mouth and anger rising. Before the elevator door can close again, you quickly make it out of there and walk toward your office, hoping your walk doesn't come as aggressive as you feel.

Turns out Mr. Jeon also sends his preference for lunch and it's one of your duties to get it for him. Among all the information Soyeon has been able to give you, one of them is that you either have to get it ordered or get it personally. She explained it when you were on your way to get his freaking black coffee. It's dark just like his personality is.

You might not be an assistant before – you knew getting him things like this would be your responsibility and well, job as well. Mr. Jeon wants this and that. Mr. Jeon prefers it like this. Mr. Jeon doesn't like that.

It hasn't been even a full day of you working, yet you feel like you want to strangle that man. He has power, everything around you, in here, is his. He can afford getting this kind of service and you're paid for it.

Perhaps it's your own irritation that is simply caused by the mentioned man, but you feel more like his slave than an assistant. 

Luckily, he chose Italian for his lunch today and Soyeon helped you in showing his favorite restaurant. How she knows all of that about him is beyond you. Anyway, they could get it delivered just in time, so it's kind of your lucky day. All you have to do is to get downstairs and out of the building to take it. Plus bring it straight to his office, of course. 

"There are a few restaurants that take time to get it delivered, or sometimes they are so busy that they can't get it delivered in Mr. Jeon's scheduled lunch time. That's when you have to get it for him instead."

It's what she told you when she was clicking Mr. Jeon's order.

"There is also a car in the garage that's for this purpose. When you need to run some errands to be exact." 

That freaked you out. 

You're new. Not just here but in this city. You don't know its streets and even though you don't doubt the car has navigation, you're a little stressed about that. But can you show it? No. You don't need anyone doubting you.

Nerves are calmed down when you get your boss his lunch and everything runs smoothly. He gets his pasta and even though he barely acknowledges you, it's a success. 

One of the things you always worried about when coming to a new job is being left out. Being in a new collective is never easy and it can be nerve wrecking for obvious reasons. So when Soyeon suggests you join her for lunch, you relax and happily agree. 

It becomes your chance to meet – as you could say – your colleagues. They're welcoming and curious, asking you how you ended up in the city. For a moment it seems like you're a new attraction and despite all the attention on you, you prefer they engage you in their conversation. Even though you're the main topic of it. 

Saja is there as well. You still don't know what to think of the whole coffee situation, but she seems at ease and not looking as if she was aware of her mistake. 

"So, how do you like it here, newbie?" Max, the tallish dark haired guy with sharp eyes and prominent features asks.

"It's her first day." One of the women whose name you can't remember points out.

Max gives her a look, "So? She already feels about it somehow, right?"

He looks at you, and so do the rest of them as you're just trying to enjoy your beef broth. "It's been slightly stressful, but it's my first day. So I'm just trying to remember everything."

"Honestly, we all have been through that. First days are never easy." The woman speaks again as Soyeon shrugs while Saja reapplies her lip tint.

"Ah, the pressure to not fuck up is tough, right?" Max complains as if he's the one that's been through the most stressful day. Well, he might have. You never know.

"Max." Soyeon warns him.

"What? We're not in the company." He rolls his eyes which amuses you as Soyeon glares at his audacity to roll his eyes at her. 

"I can't imagine being Mr. Jeon's assistant. The pressure must be a lot." The woman says again, her short hair barely reaching the top of her shoulders as she pouts slightly. 

"What are you talking about? Mr. Jeon is a great boss." Saja says, twisting the lip tint close as she puts it into her purse.

"I never said he's not great," But you can. While she remarks at Saja to correct her, she simply shrugs. "I just mean the pressure is even bigger considering his assistant works with him the most."

"I could do it any day." Saja says confidently.

Your and Max's eyes meet for a brief moment, his lips twitch slightly but he seems to not react much. You're slightly curious about his reaction, though you act like you haven't seen it as you continue enjoying your soup. 

"Good luck to you, really," The woman says, "Have you managed to mess something up?"

You swallow down the broth, straightening yourself as you clear your throat. They all stare at you expectedly, the table quieting down. Oh god. "I, ah, I mean is nothing big, at least I think."

They stare even more and you mentally roll your eyes before muttering under his breath.

"I got him the wrong coffee." 

Soyeon turns her head at you, staring and for a moment you think she's silently scolding you. Not that you care, they can all fuck off. You've had a rough day and it hasn't even ended. While the woman stares at you in empathy, Max goes back to eating. 

"I mean it's not that bad." she adds, voicing her empathy. 

"Was he mad?" Max asks. 

"Well," you hesitate, cocking your head to the side. "He wasn't happy for sure."

"Oh poor you." The woman whines as if you're destined for death.

And that's when you glance at Saja. She stares and that's when you know she realizes. You're silent, not really sure if you want to throw her under the bus. It's also a great opportunity to see how she's going to react. She clearly saw your look. It's a silent communication between you.

She clears her throat, "Oh? Was that the wrong one?" 

"Yeah." you deadpan.

"Sorry about that." Is all she says as the conversation drifts to a different topic. You enjoy your meal, finally getting some food into your empty stomach. 

After you're back from lunch break, you get back into sinking as much information as you can on your own. Which means – exploring the new device that has been given to you, along with basic information about Mr. Jeon's meetings, schedule and even the emails he has sent. For a certain time being, you feel utterly lost. Not that's not any news.

You try to not let yourself lose in the craziness and hecticness this company seems to be holding. Everyone seems to work automatically, not mentioning they're synchronized like the greatest machine there could exist. Except, they're all human and perhaps they forget you're one too. Or maybe they just expect you to know everything and jump into this work. Is it possible?

Between the chunks of time you seem to have, you doubt yourself and your abilities. It's not the actual work you doubt. It's the fact that everyone and everything seems to run smoothly and fast, while you're left in your own chaos in the tallest and biggest building on this street. 

Though, you're not as useless as your doubts and anxiety might've made you feel. You get a hang of Mr. Jeon's schedule and work plan. At least most of it. 

This man is busy. Not the usual busy. 

He has meetings every day. It doesn't matter whether they're long or short, it takes most of his time. There is a bunch of material and stuff that needs to be prepared for him – every day – and he has to get through it all. 

No wonder the man is so bitter.

With so much work on his shoulders, you would fuck the money and end this business.

Perhaps, that's why you're not the millionaire here. 

Chuckling at your ridiculous thoughts, you're in the middle of checking the mailbox when the phone rings. Recognizing the four code number, you realize it's Soyeon and you already brace yourself for whatever dumb requests might Mr. Jeon has this time. 

"There is Mr. Kang on the line, he wants to schedule a meeting." 

"Okay–" 

Before you can ask her anything quickly, there's a beep sound before a male's voice resounds in the speaker. Greeting him politely, the call runs smoothly as Mr. Kang seems to be very easy going and helps you navigate yourself even without him knowing. 

You check Mr. Jeon's schedule, noticing Mr. Kang is already one of his partners and it turns out, Mr. Jeon has invested a lot of money into his entertainment business. As he tells you and requests, your boss' presence is needed and it's not a meeting that could be done directly in the company. That's why you choose the day where his schedule is not as crazy. 

You're not sure if you've scheduled it right but Mr. Kang seems to be pleased either way. The call ends shortly after and you're left in silence. Leaning back in your chair, you sigh in relief.

That wasn't so bad. 

With upcoming calls, there are numbers straight up calling you but thanks to the call with Mr. Kang, you already know what to expect. You schedule a few meetings here and there, making sure you make reminders for Mr. Jeon. Some of them had to be added or pushed forward. You're not sure if you're doing well, but you're going with your intention. You'll soon find out anyway. 

Surprisingly, the rest of the days goes like this and your brain is focused on doing the job, rather than stressing over everything. It keeps you pleasantly busy, or perhaps it's because there's no one that brags in here and pours hundreds of new information on you. 

You barely see your boss. He's mostly locked in his office, preferably not wanting to be disturbed – something you quickly pick on. Or maybe it's your assumption because how else would you know? You've been locked in your office (not literally) and doing (hopefully) your job. 

Though, he asks you to bring him one of the old contracts between one of his partners. You search for it, but luckily the previous assistant kept things neat. Therefore, you haven't spent too long searching for it and probably testing Mr. Jeon's patience. 

When you come into his office, after announcing yourself of course with a gentle knock, he taps into his laptop barely giving you any sort of gaze. You're used to it by now. Even though he seems to be busy, you still mentally roll your eyes at the lack of... respect? Acknowledgement? He surely could be more kind if he wanted to.

As you place the contract onto his desk, informing him of it even though he knows, you spin on your heels to get back to the safety and comfort of your office.

"Wait," he says as if it physically pains him to even talk to you. Or maybe it's just the gruff of his voice and the depth in it. You're surely assuming a lot of things. 

Turning around and trying to keep your facial expression polite, you give him a questioning look. One he finally sees when he finally decides to spare you a glance. 

"I need you to reschedule the meeting with Mr. Kang. I already have something planned there."

Frowning in confusion, you try to think back of his schedule you've seen dozens of times by now. Have you made a mistake? You're sure his day was mostly free, in terms of nothing big scheduled and planned.

Or there's a chance he made a mistake? You did send him his schedule though. He must've approved when he had no objections. Until now. 

"Your schedule was free on that day, sir." you inform him, the tone hesitant as if you already suspect he has made a mistake. You're still wary about it though.

He stops typing, his eyes flickering back to your figure for a split second that has your stomach clenched in discomfort. This is it. You're either getting scolded or fired. The first option seems more pleasant. 

"I've got a private schedule." he remarks with the same stoic expression you've seen a handful of times. Does this man have any emotions? Because you're seriously doubting it. 

Oh well. You couldn't have known he has a private schedule. Shouldn't you know about these kinds of things? 

"Oh, sorry. I will reschedule the meeting right away." you say, swallowing down your pride and the need to voice your thoughts. 

Of course, you know you can't speak freely because this is your freaking boss. He's cold and demands professionalism. It wouldn't be right of you to tell him that you didn't in fact know about his private schedule. Because there is no way you would know. 

And perhaps there might be a little luck in all of this. Maybe he clearly sees the distress on your face as he rolls his shoulders before opening his mouth.

"I wanted to add it and send it to you after reviewing my schedule." he informs.

You both stare at each other for a moment, while you're processing the fact he just indirectly told you it's not your fault. He knows you wouldn't know.

"Just make sure the meeting is rescheduled," he mutters, eyes focused on the screen of his laptop again. "You may leave."

Thank you, your Highness.

You leave for real this time. With a tiny feeling of accomplishment in your heart.

Mr. Kang – or what you assume his assistant to be exact – has shown no problem in rescheduling the meeting. You were slightly worried he wouldn't be pleased but after his assistant checked with him, he didn't seem to mind at all.

The sun is setting down and the view from your office is worth every second. You even steal a quick photo of it before you return back to work. 

This room is quite isolated but even the little sounds you could've heard throughout the day, just the ones that let you know this place is active and busy, have subtly faded away. The company is less hectic and everyone's probably on their way home. You won't lie, you've checked time and according to a contract that was given to you, you should've clocked off already.

But – you had a few emails to sort out along with your own personal research of Mr. Jeon's working ethic and schedule. You understand things more now, you studying and trying to get a hang of it certainly helped. 

You're not a coffee drinker but you've made yourself one after stealing five minutes, to get yourself one in the break room. The cup is now empty, sitting on your desk as you've left the door ajar. You have one more email to read before you pack it up. Even Soyeon is not at her desk and you assume she already left home. 

You're in the middle of staring into the screen, your eyes slightly aching as your door is suddenly pushed open. The sound is loud enough to catch your attention, even if it wasn't for your peripheral vision. 

You stare wide-eyed at Mr. Jeon, glancing around as if he's checking to see the room intact. Once he finds nothing suspicious or worth his attention, his gaze falls down on you. 

"What are you doing here?"

Somehow that question is invading, yet it's simple and said with a cold tone.

Opening your mouth, you try to find the right words as he glances at the surely expensive watch hugging his wrist. Not mentioning it all matches with his dark suit. 

"You were supposed to leave an hour ago."

"I wasn't sure–"

"You didn't read the contract?" he cuts you off, frowning. "It clearly states how long your usual working days are."

In fact, you read it. Along with the information that there is something called a basic shift and additional schedule. It consists of special events, occasions when you're needed outside of the company and your usual working time. So far, nobody has really talked about it yet and it's something you need to know about more.

"I wasn't sure–" you continue, louder or at least loud enough to catch his attention and let him know he interrupted you. The way his face twists into irritation is not something you should play with. 

But His Highness is probably not aware that interrupting is considered as impolite.

"--I could leave just like that since it's my first day. Actually, I was planning to finish an email before leaving."

"You're better here when you're well rested each day. I don't need an employee who works overtime because they can't finish their work on time."

The jab is there, loud and clear, one you should've been prepared for. Of course he's going to give you an attitude about this. 

"Didn't Miss Kim tell you when you're supposed to finish?"

You have no idea who Miss Kim is, it's either Saja or Soyeon. But one thing you know, none of them let you know nothing. 

"In fact, no she didn't." you inform him with a pointed look, watching him narrow his eyes at you. 

Whatever he's thinking, he keeps it to himself. "Pack your things and leave."

He goes to turn around and leave, your panic getting the best of you as you quickly jump to your feet. "And come back tomorrow?"

His steps halt to a complete stop as he glances across his shoulder.

"You said you would give me a chance."

"And I'm keeping my word, Miss Y/L/N."

Pressing your lips together, your fingers leaning against your desk as you try to prevent them from shaking. 

"I want all the documents on my desk before eight tomorrow. And don't mess up my coffee."

And he's out of the room, leaving you with your mouth open and eyes widened. You slowly blink, realizing hitting you slowly and surely as your lips stretch into a wide smile.

You're expected here tomorrow. He didn't fire you. 

Yet.

Your legs and walk flow in a confidence you were definitely lacking the day before. Even though this job seems like something where you don't know what to expect every day, you're more content with yourself by your yesterday's performance rather than disappointed and upset about it. 

Though, there is still a slight fear of what's awaiting for you creeping around the corner. But you don't let it ruin your morning. Now when the sun starts to peek in, the morning's fresh air naturally lifts your mood.

Maybe it's not just the fear that could potentially make you anxious. You also have a huge respect for this job. Not only because you need it, but you also want to do your best. While you truly admit you wouldn't be able to work there without Hoseok's help, you'll try to prove you deserve to have a place there.

Mr. Jeon would never even let you enter the building if Hoseok wouldn't persuade him to give you a chance. Figuratively speaking. Mr. Jeon isn't probably the person that deals with employing people from the start. They have to go through different check-ups and rounds until they get a chance to see the boss himself. His word is final though. You don't doubt he's included in all those decisions, but you can't imagine him dealing with every single interested party when it comes to new job positions. 

You truly appreciate Hoseok's help. But you can't help but feel slightly embarrassed that he had to put effort in persuading his friend. You still have Mr. Jeon's face right in front of you. That one look that reminds you why you're there in the first place. 

Your ego has to go. At least you have to push it to a certain level, so you won't get too discouraged. Again, you need this job and the money it offers. This is the only reason why you're walking inside the building, blending in with people you would never truly blend in. At least you don't believe that. 

You're wearing the clothes Soyeon gave you. It's safe to say it's one of the reasons why you look like you're one of them. Well, you are for now. You can only hope you will when you hopefully sign the contract. 

A card is given you at the reception, the kind woman informing you of its use as you simply just have to scan for entry. Not literally. It's just to log in your information to the database of when you're arriving and leaving. Everyone has one.

Glad for this new information, you scan the card in a nearby scanner before waiting for the elevator. You put it into the small and very inconspicuous pocket in your skirt. One thing you've got to say about the attire, is that it makes you confident. You already feel successful while wearing it, which is ridiculous and definitely sounds like it, but it feels like an honor to represent this company. Even on your way here, you noticed a few interested gazes aimed at you.

The material feels expensive, almost forbidden to wear in fear you would stain it somehow. Coming inside here again, you're a newbie regardless of how you feel outside of this tall and massive building. 

As you come up to your floor, greeting who you could call some of your colleagues (despite there's no way you'll get familiar with all of them) Soyeon is not present at her front desk but you're guessing she must be somewhere around. Who you do find and spot coming out one of the rooms is Max. You halt a little, surprised by his sudden presence as he seems equally perplexed to see you. But the look is quickly wiped away as he shoots you a wide and friendly smile. 

"Y/N, so you didn't give up." He tries to joke, clearly hinting at the fact that yes, you're still here. Even though you're not sure why he would think you wouldn't. God knows what they think of you or what information they have about you.

Unless Mr. Jeon is keen to gossip and open with his employees, there shouldn't be too much stuff that could reach their ears. 

"No, not yet." You settle on a faint grin, keeping the joke afloat.

"I do like you, so I really hope you stick around."

"Oh, was that a compliment?" you laugh. He definitely knows how to make someone nervous.

He opens his mouth, a grin still attached to his lips but before he could make you even more assured than he already is (which is a total sarcasm on your part), someone comes out of the break room, interrupting the moment.

"Are you done flirting, Maximilian?" Saja, wearing the same attire as you, hair in a perfect sleek low bun, doesn't bother to show a hint of smile. "Our policy says there are no workplace relationships allowed." She reminds him, almost annoyingly which leaves you totally dumbfounded. 

Glancing at Max, he seems just as dumbfounded because first of all, where's the flirting? Sure, Max is a little on the flirty side but you assume that's a part of his personality. Who knows, but still, such a bold assumption is not exactly appropriate. 

But Max doesn't falter, he doesn't look embarrassed but the way he looks to his side where Saja's standing, he looks her up and down, almost in a bitter way. 

"Is there a reason why you interrupted our flirting?" he asks instead, causing you to almost choke on your spit as you clear your throat and fail to hide the awkwardness you're currently and undoubtedly feeling. 

She chuckles, not buying his attitude. "I need her to show her stuff. So please, take it somewhere else and preferably to someone else. But make sure Mr. Jeon doesn't know about it."

"You and your threats."

"The company's policy. Not threats." She corrects.

Are you interrupting something?

Max turns to you, rolling his eyes. "You know, friendliness is not against our policy."

"Explain it to Mr. Jeon, once he's the one who catches you."

"Catches doing exactly what? Talking to my new colleague? Please." 

You purse your lips, shifting weight on your feet. This is really awkward.

"Max," she says his name, laughing almost bitterly as she shakes his head as if to call out his bullshit. He doesn't move though, lifting his brow. "I'm just informing you."

"I don't need you informing me. I'm very much familiar with our policy. Now, Y/N, it was lovely talking to you and I do hope we will talk in the future, preferably not getting caught by someone." he teases, grinning at you as your cheeks heathen up as you send him an unsure grin. 

You murmur something in return, not even sure what comes out of your mouth as he shoots you one last smile before walking away. Saja stands there, raising her brow at you almost as if it's your turn to get scolded. 

"I wasn't lying. Mr. Jeon does not allow any relationships. I'm sure it's in your contract."

The one that isn't signed yet though. You keep that to yourself. 

First of all, you didn't even think about Max that way. Not unless she made it seem as if it's something bigger than it really was. Not aware of her true intentions, you don't even try thinking of it because it's pointless. 

"Is there a reason why?" you ask instead, her brows shooting up in a silent surprise at your question instead.

"I'm pretty sure it's because it could potentially ruin the progress of working. Just measure to avoid any misunderstandings and problems. Most companies do that. At least the ones I worked at did."

"Max seems like a friendly person. I don't think he was flirting."

A little annoyed as she seems to look, perhaps it's the still ongoing topic that annoys her, she stays silent for a moment. You don't give her the time to respond though. 

"It was nothing but a friendly conversation. Nothing to suspect or worry about."

The look on her face is worth your slightly passive-aggressive reaction as a grin threatens to make it to your lips. "Well, I advise you that."

"Thank you, I will take it to heart." you promise her, almost cackling when her expression drops and it turns more serious.

"Let's go to the office. I need to explain a few things before Mr. Jeon arrives." she grits through her teeth.

Despite the not so friendly exchange, a smile remains on your face as you slowly follow her to your office with slightly more confident steps.

During the ten minutes that are spent in the pleasant interior of your office, you deduce Saja is more informative and helpful than she was yesterday. Regardless of how quickly words spill out of her mouth to the point you think you might get a whiplash (again), you're trying to sink every information she has for you. She even made a few notes, point by point, that consists of basic information you'll need. 

You appreciate the work she put into that, or that she took the time to write all of that, regardless of its length. With that being said and sent to your mail, she leaves you to do your job since the time is ticking and Mr. Jeon will be here any minute. 

As explained and not forgotten, you make sure the cup in your hold and its content is the right one. Despite your boss' words of how he wants his employees well rested (though you're not sure if that's possible due to the amount of stress and work), you have barely slept well. Though, you hope the make-up you're wearing hides that tiny secret well. 

You don't dare to judge. Everyone here seems to be working well, perhaps they don't experience as much stress like you do – obviously. 

Coming inside his office after announcing yourself of course, you're not shocked at the lack of eye-contact and attention as you settle the cup down.

"I hope it's the right one." he says, something in his tone that you can't quite point out. Did he just make a joke? As many things here and in life generally, you don't dare to say and be sure. You don't know him and his personality is something you're still trying to figure out.

It's that moment and a few seconds of lingering silence that eventually causes him to pry his dark brown eyes off the laptop's screen, setting those distant and dark orbs on you. It's the clear quirk of his brow that brings you back into reality.

"Of course it is." It's funny how quickly you say it, with urgency as if you didn't get it wrong only yesterday. To your defense, it wasn't exactly your fault. Actually, it wasn't your fault at all. Saja made it and you just brought it to him. 

It still bothers you that you're the one who messed up in his eyes. Or in anyone's for that matter. He watches you for a second, enough to make you nervous while you're inches from his desk and well, him. He does radiate dominance and coldness. It doesn't make sense that Hoseok is friends with him. He's a complete opposite.

As much as you're curious about the man in front of you, you prefer not to ask your friend too much about him and his life. One, it shouldn't interest you enough to want to know it. Second, Hoseok is a very good friend with him and not only that, they're some distant family. While Hoseok is your friend and the closest person you have in the country, he's not your best friend that could potentially spill you anything. 

In other words, it wouldn't be exactly wise to try and pry. After all, your curiosity should go aside because this is your job. You shouldn't play with fire or dig into this and him. You won't risk that. 

"I had your documents and papers prepared before you came in,"

Stupid. You inform him of something he clearly saw when he came in here. 

"I hope everything's right."

"You hope?" he questions his brow in the same position that has been questioning you. 

He leans back against his chair, elbow resting on the arm handle as he brushes his fingers over his chest. He doesn't pry his eyes off you.

"You really want this job, right?"

You open your mouth and give him a look, once you can't even define yourself but obviously almost spills out of it. He notices it, he surely does because the little twitch the corner of his mouth makes is enough proof of it.

"I want to do my job right, sir. I'm still new and I'm learning." you answer him, diplomatically with a hint of honesty and roughness that definitely doesn't go unnoticed by him. 

Whatever argument he would have prepared, he decides to keep his mouth shut and just watches you with almost piqued interest. Or he's deep in thoughts, like you said, you can't quite figure him out.

"Learning is fine, but I hope you're aware you have to be quick at it. We don't have time for any slackers or slowness."

Well, damn. What encouraging words. 

"I'm not a slacker and I hope I'm not slow either."

If he knew you even dreamed about this job, your first day haunting you even in your sleep.

"You do a lot of hoping."

"Sometimes it's the only thing we can do."

He stays silent for a moment, "I could argue with that," he protests but he says it with no remorse or anything negative. Just merrily points out. "I could also give you a few encouraging words, but I'm not sure what help would that make."

It would certainly make you not want to shit your pants in his presence, but you don't tell him that. 

You're not here long enough, but you can't imagine him being all sweet and encouraging. It just doesn't suit him at the moment. You're aware of your judgment and assuming, so you stop and straighten yourself more.

"I need to see results, not give out hope."

That's a bit cold, but you offer him a short nod.

"Got it."

"Alright," he sighs, straightening himself that he's no longer in his leaned back comfortable position. "I need you to get a car ready for today's lunch. I have a meeting at that time and you're coming with me."

You nod, hiding your shock and maybe fear? Who knows. 

"Any restaurant preference?"

"Italian. The one in the Four Seasons Hotel. Call them and reserve us a table. Just mention the name Jeon and they should confirm it."

"Got it, sir. I'll call them right away."

He nods, scooting closer to his desk, dismissing you with no other words needed. 

Turns out, he has a driver for special occasions. Not sure if lunch with a business partner is a special occasion, but this time you meet Mr. Jeon in an underground garage. Not having the guts to ask if you're late, you keep your mouth shut and the two of you get inside the car. 

You're sure you're not late, you were informed about the specific time when you delivered him the news of the successful reservation. Soyeon, whom you met during the day, has given you some details of how usually these meetings work and how you should prepare. Turns out, you're there to assist Mr. Jeon – schedule any possible future meetings and give him information about his schedule. 

It's understandable that a man with so much work on his shoulders can't remember every single thing, just as much as he can't manage the little details. That's why he has an assistant, that's why you're going. 

The reason for your presence there is no secret to you, and you knew that without Soyeon telling you. Still, you appreciate her trying to help. 

The drive there is spent in silence, a little awkward you would say. One of Mr. Jeon's driver is an older man. Not too old though, maybe old enough to be your father but he seems nice and polite. You can't exactly tell when all you exchanged were greetings before you joined your boss in the backseat.

You also can't say it's the most comfortable ride. You mean... Mr. Jeon is sitting right next to you, even though there's a little space between you – it's still the closest you've been to him so far. 

Man with such distance he seems to radiate, it feels odd to be so close to. He's a stranger, someone who literally has your destiny in the palm of his hands. Big hands at that. 

Something you've noticed before but is clear now as well. You're purely judging the way his phone looks small in his hold. You don't dare to make it visible that you're silently side-eyeing the man. He's not exactly the type to break the awkward silence, but he seems to be too engrossed in his phone to maybe even notice. Or care. 

The silent radio music is the only thing that prevents complete silence. And you find yourself staring from the window, your purse clutched to your side with the needed iPad in it.

It's when a rustling sound comes from the side, catching your attention as you watch Mr. Jeon tucks his phone back into his slacks pocket checking his surroundings out of the window. 

"Mr. Liang owns an agency that represents people who would potentially want business investors to invest in them." Mr. Jeon suddenly says, breaking the silence with his smooth but deep voice.

The moment you both share a look, which is just simply looking into each other's eyes, you almost panic and look away. You hold the stare though, not wanting to get intimidated by the man's eyes or aura. He seems clueless about that, more notes the slight surprise or confusion on your face.

"It's not important information but you can't go there and be completely clueless." he explains, causing you to nod in understatement.

"I thought most business partners come straight to you." Meaning to his company and through their employees, they got to the boss – Mr. Jeon.

You're not ashamed to have a question, a meer curiosity coming to the surface. Mr. Jeon doesn't look bothered, which is a good sign. 

"They do. But most people don't have the resources to do so. We're not a company you can just easily approach. We're talking about millions here, not a few bucks. So owners of agencies like Mr. Liang, they take care of all the important stuff. They take a share from the potential success, that is if I decide to invest in whatever they come up with."

"But they still pay for it, right? They have to be able to allow an agency to represent them."

"Of course. Nothing's for free, Miss Y/L/N," he answers, "If it's a beginner whose business is new, they usually take loans. They still need to pay."

You know how frustrating it feels not to have enough money to be able to go after your dreams. It's a sad reality. People have to take a risk to be able to go after them, most of the time to get into debts. 

It's surely not something Mr. Jeon has ever gone through. You don't judge him. He had the luck to be born into a rich family, which doesn't always have to be positive. You're just comparing the two different worlds. Regardless of that and anything that's obvious, Mr. Jeon was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. 

You wonder if he can even empathize with the struggles these people, or any ordinary mortal is going through. Does he even realize how tough it is for some people? In a way, he's helping them by investing his money into their business but still. It's not for free. You've seen the numbers. He has a good share after that as well. 

After all, he wouldn't invest if it caused him to lose the money. He needs a profit off the things he invests his money into. And from the looks of it, he's doing a fucking amazing job at it. 

You arrive to the Four Seasons Hotel shortly after, Mr. Jeon dismisses his driver's attempt of opening the door for him. It's a little detail but you notice it nevertheless, focusing on yourself instead and trying not to trip in your heels.

Mr. Liang is already inside by the time you get greeted by the lovely staff. Their swift greetings aimed at the man beside you prove he is a regular here. That much was clear to you when he said to mention his name when you were about to make the reservation. 

Just like the most business partners you had a chance to see, Mr. Liang is older than your boss for sure. He's in his mid fifties for sure, but his appearance screams important and business. You're purely judging it by his suit and overall vibe. For his age, Mr. Liang definitely takes good care of himself. 

He's either surprised Mr. Jeon hasn't come alone or because he sees a new face. But judging from the information you've received, you would say it's the second option. You're right because seconds after and after the two men bow at each other, he looks at you. 

"New assistant?" he questions with a smile, outstretching his hand for you to shake.

You politely take it, bowing to him. Mr. Jeon watches the interaction, sitting down as he adjusts his suit. "We'll see."

Is all he says, your frown wanting to come to the surface but you surpass it. It's awkward and perhaps quite embarrassing to hear him saying that in front of a stranger. Mr. Liang seems to be a little taken back, but for whatever reason (or his own sake) he does not ask any further questions. 

They start chit-chatting when menu orders are given to you. You stay quiet, pulling out the iPad from your purse to prepare. Drinks are ordered and you stick to the soda, even though it's nothing like you. It's not like you should care about the bill, one of those two surely pays but still. It's a safe choice. 

"I'll come back to take your meal order." The waiter says, bowing to everyone at the table before he retrieves back.

The man starts picking their food, silently flicking through the menu. "Order something too." 

Mr. Jeon speaks beside you, not lifting up his gaze as he still scans the item in his hands. 

"This should be your lunch break, Miss Y/L/N," he reminds you.

You notice Mr. Liang lifts his eyes to watch you two but his lips stay sealed shut. 

"So order something and eat."

Well, how were you supposed to know that? At least he informed you and spared you the embarrassment of having to spend this meeting with an almost empty stomach. It's a bare minimum but regardless of that, this is still work. You're working during your lunch break. So it is touching that he wants you to eat and not starve.

That would be a really asshole move, considering they're about to have lunch during this.

"Okay." you almost whisper, looking at Mr. Liang as you send him a tiny smile. He reciprocates it and luckily, gives you no attention.

After you order the food, the two business men go straight to work. You assistate, jumping in whenever you're needed and after tasting delicious Italian food, you feel better about the entire meeting. Everything runs smoothly and even though it's hard to detect any positive emotions on Mr. Jeon's face, he seems to be pleased enough with the outcome.

Surely, you can't be a good judge of this, but considering this is your second day properly working in this company, you're proud of yourself because you knew everything. You haven't done anything ridiculously hard, mainly gave information of Mr. Jeon's schedule and did research when he asked you to, but still. You're proud of yourself.

There was not a moment where you were lost and that's a win. Especially in the presence of the boss himself. 

When you get back, Mr. Jeon retrieves back to his office, informing you he doesn't want to be disturbed and all calls should be handled by you or anyone else. You nod at that, bowing at him one last time before you separate your ways. 

"How was it going?" Soyeon asks once she spots you walking by her desk, her eyes sparking with hidden interest and curiosity.

How was it going? You ask yourself. Releasing the breath, a content smile makes it up on your face. "It went actually well."

Soyeon's brows lift up as if she expected something else, though it's quickly wiped away as she gives you a cheerful smile and thumbs up. 

You're ready to walk away but you halt in your steps. "Mr. Jeon does not want to be disturbed." you inform her.

The entire moment is professional, bringing something joyful to the hopeless situation you're in. You're merely informative, making sure Mr. Jeon's orders don't go ignored. Soyeon nods, watching you the entire time you walk to your office.

You sit in your chair, leaning back as you stare at the ceiling, giggling to yourself. The joyful moment doesn't last long though, the phone ringing loudly brings you back to reality and reminds you that nothing is won yet. 

But it's on a good path and that's exactly what you let remind yourself for the rest of the day. 

"Is your boss hot?"

The second day at your work has ended successfully and so far, Mr. Jeon hasn't come to find you and deliver bad news. That's enough to celebrate and perhaps open a bottle of wine to celebrate, but you simply cannot. You can't risk a headache or potential hangover. 

Since living overseas can be lonely and the last thing you want is to bother Hoseok. He has his own job and can't hang out with you whenever you feel like it. Therefore, you didn't consider inviting him over because there's no need to.

And FaceTiming with your older sister is just enough. It's what you used to do most of the time when you were back home. 

She moved out to Spain at the age of twenty-two which is sooner than you. For you, it was difficult to leave home and everyone there. For her, not as much. She has always been more adventurous and braver when it came to stuff like this. That's why it was such a surprise you decided to move here. Well, you did talk about wanting to come here but it was mostly fantasy talk.

She surely didn't take you seriously, knowing you wouldn't just pack your things and leave. However, you've met Hoseok and if it weren't for him, you wouldn't have the guts to leave.

"What? You did say he's young." she elaborates, shrugging at the raised brow you're showing her.

"So he's gotta be hot as well?"

If it were for you, that's exactly how you would describe your boss. Which by the way, seems very inappropriate and you almost get embarrassed for thinking it. It feels weird to be talking about it openly, even if it's your sister. 

She visibly shrugs, propping her chin on her palm. "He's young and successful. It would be a shame if he wasn't hot, just saying."

"He's decent," you hum instead, not giving the pleasure to unknowing Mr. Jeon that yes, he is hot indeed. The fucker knows it anyway for sure. "I'm more concerned about his personality. He's very firm."

You elaborate more, explain her everything from beginning in more details since messages do not give it justice. She's no stranger to your situation. 

"Well, thank god for your friend then," she says after you tell her about the interactions you've experienced with your boss. "And you don't have to work for him forever, right? You just gotta stay there for a while and then you could find something different."

"Whatever that's gonna be, I feel like it's not gonna be anything better."

"Why are you saying that?"

"Because his company is one of the best known in South Korea. He's a millionaire."

"Maybe you could work for another millionaire then." she jokes, earning another glare from you. 

"It's not that simple."

"Hm," she hums, popping a piece of chocolate into her mouth. "Is he like, super famous? I could google him. What was his name?"

You laugh, shaking your head. "He's known but he's private. People tend to put their interest and attention on idols and actors, actresses. Not millionaire heirs."

"You know what you should do?"

"What?" you deadpan, knowing one of her brilliant ideas are about to come out. 

"You should make more friends. You never know. They might help you in the future, in any field."

That's not exactly a bad idea, you know what she means. 

"I'm not gonna make friends just so they could help me when I need them." you point out.

"That's now what I meant," she argues, "Not in that way. But it's not bad to know more people. You gotta understand you don't have your family there, Y/N."

"I know that." you mutter, rubbing your forehead as you make yourself more comfortable in your bed. 

"Just think about it."

"Yeah, yeah." you wave the topic off. "I'm ready to make more friends. But currently, there aren't many opportunities to do so."

"What about your co-workers?"

"Right," You press your lips together. "They're all... I don't know, some of them are very welcoming and obviously, the company is large so I don't know everyone. I don't think it's even possible. But some of them are really serious. I don't know how to explain it."

"Maybe it's a cultural thing?" she questions.

"They're just very skilled in everything and I'm a newbie." You're reminded of Max's words. He calls you a newbie. 

"It will get better, I'm sure."

You're not sure about that, but you nod and end the topic there. You catch up over other stuff, mainly your sister talking about the reconstruction of her and her boyfriend's bathroom. Once a set of yawns keep coming in the midst of your call, you decide to end it there.

Making sure your alarm is set, even though it's automatic by now, it takes you a minute to stare at the ceiling before darkness swallows you whole. 

This time more confident to meet Mr. Jeon's orders and deep eyes that follow you into your dreams.

[astroismypassion]

Astrology observations 🟢🟢🟢

Credit goes to @astroismypassion

🟢I noticed high number of people that like the idea of saving yourself for marriage have Scorpio over the 8th house, but also often Capricorn Vesta, Vesta at 22 degree or Vesta in the 10th house.

🟢People with Pisces Vesta might have rather low libido. They really enjoy things that are more metaphysical and they are often very detached from their own body, not very in tune with it. They might do just well by watching films, TV series and indulging into their favourite movie snack. They are really fine with being on their own.

🟢Aquarius Ceres people had a mother that emphasized that their identity, personality and body are very unique. These are the people that will always tell you you're one of a kind, special and unique. This placement is very much "No one is you and that is your superpower" quote!

🟢Additionally, on Ceres note, your Ceres sign serves like the 2nd Moon sign. Ceres also shows how you perceived your mother's nurturing. So you could have a Virgo Moon, but Aquarius Ceres. And you might actually more relate to Aquarius Ceres when it comes to your relationship with your mother. Similarly, you can have Aries Moon, but your Ceres is in Pisces. But often times Moon and Ceres are compatible and connected.

🟢Scorpio Ceres doesn't want to think about money, although throughout their lifetime their life revolves A LOT around money. Either in form of debt, financial issues, help others with their money etc. Money for them is a veryy emotional topic. When they receive money they might actually tear up a little. When they give or lend money it's often an investment for them and they might have regrets connected with it or hold resentment later on for giving someone their money. Sometimes they make purchases that they not only regret, but might feel a bit ashamed that they even made this purchase in the first place. Also, this is very much the person to mix sex with money. Or they spend money on the person they are physically intimate with (sexually involved).

🟢Having Venus in someone's 10th house in a romantic Synastry is such an interesting overlay I notice. Often times one person really supports other's career and long-term goals to the point they help the other person set up a business. But I noticed that often that also become a weakness later in the partnership. So they continue the successful business, but the partnership dissolves.

🟢Ruler of the 7th house in the 5th house often has a crush on blond/light-haired people or those that have golden highlights.

🟢I'm not saying always, but most often in particular people who have Gemini over the 7th house often assume or very early on when meeting someone assume they the person is interested in them romantically. With Sagittarius over the 1st house (which points to an exaggerated sense of self and ego) they persistently think someone likes them despite clear evidence to the contrary. And Gemini Descendants even more so, they sometimes tend to believe they can "convince" someone if they put enough effort or try hard enough, even when the person verbally expressed that they are not interested in them. Even this Sagittarius Gemini axis can sometimes deal with delusion much like Pisces Virgo axis.

🟢Libra or Taurus over the 10th house: people at your workplace, random co-workers, even your boss will be very interested in your relationship status. Those around you will often speculate whether you have a partner or ask you if you are single. Also, if you have one of these two signs, be mindful with who you are connecting yourself with, because people around you might often make assumptions or jump to fast conclusions to who you are dating, even if the two of you are just friends! They could see you talking with someone and they might already assume you two have something going on.

🟢People with Scorpio Jupiter often go for Capricorn Sun as their spouse or committed partner. If you have Scorpio Jupiter in your Natal chart you are likely to attract a rather controlling partner.

🟢People with Pisces and Aries over the 4th house felt like they had to raise themselves. They are also really late bloomers. They might start raising themselves and working on themselves in late 20s, 30s.

🟢When you have Scorpio over the 7th house or Pluto in the 7th house in your Solar Return chart you will feel like don't receive help from anyone and it will be the year of many rejections, either in your love life, career or you will feel rejected by your loved ones.

🟢Composite Leo Mars in the 7th house make the two of you much more indecisive when together than independently/when you are apart. You often swing from "You choose, I don't mind anything" to "I don't know". When you are together you seem to make a decision much slower and it's harder to even pick to which restaurant you want to go eat. With the sign of Leo, you might have power struggles over making your choice as the final mutual decision. You will both want things to go your own way, not how the other person wants.

🟢Ruler of the 7th house in the 5th house are the biggest flirts that tend to be non-committal, because they value their independence a little too much, but also because they have the enough charming, charismatic confidence that they can get anyone.

Credit goes to @astroismypassion

[emojellyace08]

Found you're writing really good 😈😈 and now you're my next target 😂😂 How do you think gun would react finding someone 100x times beautiful from crystal with great body anddddddd 👀👀👀 is strong like ui daniel but is not quite rich and lives a normal life working at a part time cafe ??? 😮😮😮 lordddd 🤌🤌 the reaction would be priceless, please do it 🥲

Gun Park (Park Jonggun x Female Reader!) short story

A/N: Hello fellow human! Sorry if I ever replied back REALLY LATE. I'll still make Lookism x reader content, but I'm really busy rn so sorry if this felt rushed (and I have a periodical exams to take in Wedensday oof). Genre: fluff? Warnings: mild cursing and mentions of mafia activities (unedited)

Gun isn't exactly the type to easily fall in love, even impressing him alone without trying hard is challenging by itself as many successors, enemies, and other people tried to show their all to the Shiro Oni. But every blood, sweat, and tears were wasted just trying to lay a finger by the unstoppable man, if they would even call him one.

And it is also just a normal day for everyone, people in the city are either spending their money off by their personal plans or continue on with their daily lives. Other women were having their shopping galore either with their friends or alone with quite noticeable make-up plastered on their face yet making their face sparkle up with the cosmetics. Ulzzangs posting their new selfies getting tons, if not millions of likes and social media users having a debate who's prettier or more attractive. Students were stressing out with their school activities or gossip drama with the adults wanting to slack off and get a chug of beer after a long day of their shifts or just take a long nap like a lazy cat with their eyebags being dark and hollow like a panda.

And to most people, you're just an ordinary woman living her life in the crowded city of Seoul. You wouldn't exactly call it the best life ever, but you were somehow thankful to make it this far after long days of shifts and even sometimes working on Holidays even if you want to have a sip of your own coffee at your own place. You're already a functional and working adult yet you sometimes miss your home despite you and your family having your own personal problems. Yet you continue to strive not only for them but mostly for yourself. If it weren't for some men forcing you to have a chat with you by offering their numbers quite rudely, you might even have better days without them putting you into situations you don't even want to experience just because you were considered beautiful.

It was already five in the afternoon, yet you're still there at the cafe doing your duties as a barista and a waitress. The place will be quite silent, almost weird with the sound of silence if it weren't for the chatty customers with some chilling with their drink and pastries of choice. College students doing their research in groups, office-workers updating their marketing plans, and angsty teenagers listening to their melancholic music with their Airpods on. With the stress that you are feeling right now, you felt the need to listen to your own playlist while you watched the sun sank in the sky with a splash of pink, yellow, and blue creating a splash of colors that felt nostalgic yet different at the same time.

Hours passed with people coming in and out, the sky already turning night time with white stars sparkling at night. The yellow lights of the place illuminating at the dark to not only make the place more atmospheric, but to also make the customers feel comfortable with the chill yet warm vibe.

"Miss Y/N, are you already getting the order done for customer five?" your manager with a dark perfect bun for her hairstyle with pale foundation, reddish blush and lip tint, and sunken eye bags (reminding you of a porcelain doll) asked with a raised eyebrows and strict tone as you responded with a hum for agreement while you're mixing and preparing the drink condiments. "Yes Sajangnim (boss) I'm already done with the coffee macchiato and I already have the egg sandwich." you replied while hurrying to prepare the Americano. "Good, more tickets are coming you better hurry up." she replied while she scolds your co-worker that you are deeply annoyed at when she's slumping on the side clicking on her phone instead of helping you out. "She's probably texting someone to date huh?" a voice on your side whispered while you yelped in surprise. "Fucking, geez stop spawning randomly on the side like that." you hissed as he chuckles silently trying to minimize his voice while you also tried not to laugh hysterically. "Okay fine. You're working too much. I'll do the coffee latte and get the mango graham and the croissant." he suggested while your eyes widened in confusion and a bit of surprise. "You sure Jace?" you asked the young man with big ears as he raises a thumbs up "It's fine Eonni (older sister ; metaphorically). Now you go." "You just want your fees to go higher." you teased as he manners to go shooing you away. "I need it since I got to repair Vasco's phone." "Whatever, just do the job right and smooth." you smiled while he finger guns with a tongue-click sound.

You took the orders in your hand and approached the table before you quickly noticed the two familiar guys. You sighed before going closer to the very annoying customers just then the blonde with dark shades greeted you with a dramatic enthusiasm.

"Yo Y/N! It's nice to see you where have you been?!" Goo stood up while waving his hand making the other customers look in confusion. You not wanting to create a scene, you placed the tray in the table and planned to go away. But a hand held your own in a soft but not rather affectionate touch before you swat it away.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" you asked while you felt your blood boiling in frustration. "But we're here to-" "Shut the fuck up Walmart Ken." you scolded Goo while he created a insulting gasp while the ebony-haired man smirked in amusement. "We're here for Charles orders. We're going to take you back in the place where you truly belong for unfinished business." he commented in a calm yet teasing manner making you even more agitated. "This is my business, Gun." If it weren't for the other customers if they ever got frightened and with your manager firing you, you might created a miserable scene that you don't want to happen in the first place. But these people haunts down your biggest fears like a black hole swallowing your entire existence.

"And how did you even find me here? And don't you see the no smoking sign?" you rolled your eyes making Goo and Gun grin more while Gun huffs his smoke, "We have our own ways." "And c'mon Y/N, we know you miss doing tough missions with us!" Goo again interfered while you stood their in cold feet not knowing what to do with this situation. "And besides Charles is offering you a billion won with making the four major crews stronger for him to pay you, even make it thrice the price if you did the job well." Gun offered while taking a sip of his coffee and the other man looking at the menu sheet to order more of the sweets. "Well don't you contact me when either the Workers tried to interfere or your goons stabbing all of your backs." you replied with a sass while Gun just replies. "If that ever happens, I'm not going to hesitate to beat their-" "Yo Y/N, can I get a latte with a chocolate doughnut?" the childish guy ordered interrupting Gun's long speech. Though his eye accessory hides his orbs, you can imagine (almost see) Goo flickering his eyelashes like a puppy begging to play with it's owner. "Whatever, I'm leaving." you rolled your eyes in frustration before going to the employee room and aggressively slamming the door. "Wait what? Y/N We still have lots to talk about and my order-" Goo was about to chase you before Gun kicked him in the legs under the table, successfully earning a hiss of pain from the other guy. "Let her be, she'll change her mind." Gun interrupted while Goo raised his eyebrows. "Hah?! For fuck's sake we're just going to let her run away? Again? You'll be in fault if Charles scolded our scrawny asses again." Goo ranted as the people in the cafe started to weirdly glare at them for being to noisy. "I know where she's going, besides she would get scolded, even probably fired since she left during her shift. So just stay calm." Gun replied while stealing the sweet and umami food that Goo just offered that's been sitting for a minute now. "Hey! that's my sandwich!" "Just buy another one you got twenty thousand won on your wallet." Gun replied while he wipes off the extra mayo on his mouth with a tissue. "Says the one who's chomping off my toast right now, idiot." "Stop making Gordon Ramsey references or I'll kill you."

"Y/N where the hell have you been! Don't you see that there's lots of tickets flooding in here?! Oi you brat answer me!" your manager who's been flickering your guts scolded you while your co-worker from earlier smirks at your downfall, you not only fixing your bag in your locker but also trying to make yourself composed as you don't want to lash out your anger to the people who have done nothing wrong to you (they do, a lot but you just don't complain about it). "If you won't answer my question-" "Shut up." you murmured interrupting her speech in a lifeless manner. "I'll leave. You can fire my ass." "Hey Y/N what is going on in here?" Jace asked before you again slammed the exit door, leaving the poor guy confused and lots of responsibility in his hands...

You ran, as fast as you could. You kept running and running. You ran past the tall buildings filled with city lights creating a beautiful atmosphere, yet the familiar feeling of sorrow began to linger on your mind and heart reminding you of the memories of the past that you tried to bury deep down to start a completely fresh start of the first chapter of your life. But it looks like even books can have it's pages ripped and burned.

After a long mile, you stopped your movement as you breathe deeply trying to catch air like you're being suffocated by your feeling of dread. You didn't want to go in this place, but it is the only place that you called home.

This is the place where you met them, where you grew up, and where you were turned into a monster.

It is an old and abandoned park, the fake wood texture of the metal benches started to rust with the colorful paint with vulgar words and drawings adding to the stain. Trash were everywhere, even a scary place like this looks like it's been a hang out for runaway teenagers or addicts. The trees and plants look completely dry and lifeless since it's not been watered and just not being cared of, making the crunchy leaves fall down into the ground. Newspaper with the dirty and used ashtrays and used beverage bottles were also scattered in the area. It is a complete mess like what you are right now, but the smell of toxins and beer makes your mind hazy and in peace as you try to think of the good memories that you have in here (if you ever had one).

You thought that you can finally have your moment of peace and solitude. But it looks like you have to deal with these fuckers you kept whistling and cooing at your existence. Looks like they're drunk men who's been wasting their life, completely indulged in alcohol and other things that are addicting even though they mostly look formal, decent, and clean. The police were doing a bad job for shooing away people who don't have a home but doesn't arrest people like this. People who were supposed to act normal and responsible now that they have everything, not chugging on alcohol.

"Who is this chick over here?" a skinny man with a white polo asked as his friend's arms snaked into your shoulder, making you uncomfortable. "What are you doing here alone? Is your boyfriend supposed to take-" "Shut the fuck up and leave me alone retards." you swatted his hand away and getting distance from them, but this doesn't alarm the men keeping their annoying behavior in touch. They started making laughs and mocking faces making your blood boil. "Feisty huh? Don't worry, We will take care of yo-"

Everything went fast as you slammed him into the ground. His friends were caught off guard but the other goon decided to take you down. "You bitch!-"

It looks like a bad idea huh? Since you were so fast, you managed to capture and block his punch. You put pressure on his hand as you then twisted it making it dislocate and elbowing him on his armpit impacting pain on his shoulder and upper limb. He is now crying on the ground, coughing and crying like a little toddler who scratched his elbow as the other men decided to attack you besides the leader of the group who cowers in fear. Kicks, punches, and attacks are made by you causing them to get knocked out by your bare strength. You clicked your tongue in dismay when a familiar figure approached the scene. "I knew that you would be here." he muttered while you huffed in pure disgust as Gun smirked at the damage you have inflicted. "If you asked again for me to be a slave of your shitty management I'm not going with you." cutting him off with a unsatisfied tone, you started walking away from the place but then he tapped your shoulder. But you're not in the mood to interact with anybody. You didn't even thought twice that you punched him in the face yet he didn't even budged. A flow of blood starting to drool down on his chin. The masochistic Shiro Oni starting to get excited about your sudden aggression as he let himself get hit in the first place. "Will you stop following me around like a dog?! GET LOST YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

"Punching me on the face would not end great for you, but this is why I like you Y/N. Now show me what you got can you?~" his demonic grin appearing on his scarred face.

[yxngbxkkie]

change of heart (s.c)

first piece of my skz street racing series! i'm extremely nervous, and i really hope you all like it 💓

feedback is greatly appreciated 🥰

You're cleaning the ceramic cups when his loud voice echoes off of the walls. You resist the urge to roll your eyes as you glance in the direction of the front door.

A few other patrons glare at Changbin as he walks up to the counter. It's not every day that he comes here, but most people come here to study, meaning they want the space to be quiet.

"Welcome to The Crescent Café, what can I get for you?" You ask the dark-haired man with no emotion in your voice.

"It's nice to see you too, Y/N," Changbin says while keeping his eyes on the menu. "Can I get a medium iced americano?"

You nod your head, inputting his order into the system. "Is that all?" You follow up, meeting his gaze.

"Can I get your phone number?" He asks with a smirk.

"No. Your total is $5.46," you reject him with no hesitation.

Changbin releases a light hiss before shaking his head. "Come on," he whines, laying his hands on the counter. "What do I gotta do to get a chance with you?"

You purse your lips as the receipt for his order prints. "You'd have to stop being a dick to people around you. You'd have to be more considerate too," you mention while handing him his receipt.

He just nods his head, keeping his mouth shut. Changbin doesn't say anything else as you start to make his coffee. A part of you is surprised that he shut up instantly.

It doesn't take you very long to make his iced americano, handing it to the buff man once you're done. He doesn't stick around after he takes the drink from you.

You feel proud of yourself for knocking him down a peg or two, but you also feel a bit guilty for sounding so… mean. Your gaze moves with his figure as Changbin walks out of the coffee shop.

"You okay?" Your co-worker asks while placing a hand on your shoulder.

You jump at the sound of his voice, placing a hand over your heart. "Jesus, yeah, I'm okay," you mumble, giving him a small smile.

The guy apologizes to you while placing a comforting hand on your arm. "So sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," he chuckles, rubbing your forearm.

"It's okay," you giggle, moving to rest against the back counter. "You're just early. Cho said that you weren't coming in until eleven."

"Ah, yeah. I thought I wasn't either, but the event I attended was shorter than anticipated," Ji-ho mentions, his arms crossing over his chest.

"Everything is okay?" You ask him.

His gaze meets yours, and a charming smile graces his lips. "Yeah, everything's fine. Don't worry your pretty little head," he flirts, tapping the pad of his index finger on your nose.

You feel yourself blushing, dropping your gaze to the tile flooring. Ji-ho hooks a finger under your chin, lifting your head up.

"Would you want to go out Friday night?" He asks you, smirking a bit.

"O-Oh," your eyes go wide, and you stutter, "I, uh, yeah, sure."

He smiles widely as a customer walks up to the counter. "Great. Give me your number after our shift, and I'll text you the details and everything," Ji-ho mentions while strolling past you.

You keep your eyes on him as he helps the older woman. Did he really ask me out? You ask yourself, furrowing your brows a bit. You can feel the nerves beginning to catch up to you, and you let him know that you're going to take a quick break.

Once you make it outside the building, you release a deep breath. "I have a date Friday," you whisper before doing a little cheer.

-

"Are you sure this is appropriate?" You ask your roommate, a laugh escaping your lips.

Hana runs her hands up along your sides before resting her chin on your shoulder. "Girl, yes. You look absolutely fabulous," she hypes you up, patting the top of your head. "Plus, didn't he say to dress nicely?!"

You nod your head, looking yourself over in the mirror. You do look good, you have to agree. "Okay, before the confidence wears off," you chuckle while walking out of your bedroom, heading into the living area to put your shoes on.

"Get some!" She screams, racing into the kitchen.

Another laugh comes from you as you slip your black heels on. Hana comes into the room with two glasses of wine, handing one to you.

"Hana, I'm just about to leave," you tell her, pushing the glass back towards you.

She pushes it into your hands anyway, making you take it. "It's for courage, babe. Drink up," she clicks your glass before downing the alcohol.

You raise the drink to your lips, drinking the red wine steadily. You gulp the liquid down and place the empty glass on the table in front of you. A knock on the door echoes off the walls, signaling that Ji-ho is here.

"Okay, I'm leaving. I'll update you later," you tell her with a grin.

She nods her head and quickly dips back into her bedroom. You take one more deep breath before opening the front door. Your breath hitches in your throat at the sight of him.

"Hi," you greet him, meeting his dark eyes.

"Hey, you look gorgeous," Ji-ho compliments you, leaning forward to place a kiss on your cheek.

"Thank you," you blush, taking the hand he's holding out to you.

The taller man leads you out of your apartment building, making small conversations about each other's day. He stops in front of a sporty looking vehicle and opens the passenger side door.

"This is yours?" You ask him after slipping into the seat. Ji-ho nods his head before closing the door. You lock your seatbelt and rest your hands in your lap.

Ji-ho slips into the driver's seat and starts the vehicle. He revs the engine, the loudness of it startling you slightly. "Ready?" He grins, revving the engine again.

You nod your head once, and Ji-ho shifts his vehicle into gear. You grab a hold of the door as he speeds down the well-lit streets.

The ride lasts about twenty minutes, getting curious about where he's taking you. You notice a bunch of cars sitting in one area, the neon lights on each vehicle lighting up the parking lot.

"What is this?" You ask the man beside you, taking a quick glance towards him. "Where are we?"

"Street race," he tells you before parking the vehicle. Your lips part as Ji-ho gets out, gently shutting his door. He races over to your side and opens the door for you. "Come on. It'll be fun."

Your hands shake a bit as you slowly rise out of the vehicle. "Uh, you know these races are illegal, yeah?" You ask him, starting to feel a little uneasy.

Ji-ho rolls his eyes at your question. "Really? Are you going to be a buzzkill? This group comes here almost every night," he informs you, attempting to drag you towards the crowd of people.

"I don't want to be here," you truthfully tell him, planting your feet into the ground.

"Fine. Find your own way home," Ji-ho snaps before walking away from you.

You're honestly a bit surprised that he just left you alone. You look around yourself, feeling a bit overdressed for this kind of occasion. A slight gasp comes from your lips upon seeing Seo Changbin.

Of course he's here… You think to yourself, having an internal debate with yourself. "Do I really want to ask him to take me home?" You mumble while slowly making your way towards him.

He checks the engine in his vehicle as you walk up to him. The curly-haired man lifts his head, and his eyes widen once he realizes who you are.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" Changbin asks you, looking around while resting a hand on your forearm. "How'd you even get here?"

You swallow thickly and jab your thumb in the direction of the crowd. "Uhm, I went out with a guy from work, and he brought me here," you begin to explain, tangling your fingers with one another. "I-I asked him to bring me home, but he just ditched me."

"Who is it?" He asks, straightening his back.

"His name is Ji-ho," you mention with furrowed brows. "It doesn't matter. I was just wondering if… if maybe you could bring me home?"

Changbin's eyes meet yours again, noticing the desperate look in them. "Yeah, sure," he pauses, the corner of his mouth lifting, "but only if you give me your number after."

You scoff, shaking your head at him. "I can't stand you," you laugh loudly, turning to walk away from him.

A hand quickly wraps itself around your wrist, stopping you from walking away. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Changbin apologizes while pulling you back towards him. "I have a race in five minutes, but after that, I promise to bring you home."

"You don't expect me to ride with you for it, do you?!" You ask him.

"I mean, you don't have to," he shrugs his shoulders, providing a small smile. "Although, I'd feel more safe if you were with me."

You bite your lip as you glance back at the group of people. They start to disperse, and you assume they're preparing for the race.

"If I scream to get out of your car, you pull over," you start while walking towards the passenger side of his crimson-colored vehicle, "I don't care if you're in first or last place."

Changbin places a hand on his heart after shutting the hood. "I promise to let you out if you scream," he swears, the two of you piling into the vehicle.

-

You can not believe that you're in Seo Changbin's car during an illegal street race. Hana's never going to believe you when you tell her this.

His car drifts around the tight corner, causing you to suck in some air and squeeze your eyes shut. "H-How does one do this?!" You ask out loud to no one in particular. "You're all crazy."

Changbin places his right hand on your leg before slapping it a couple of times. "Oh, come on. It's fun. We're having fun!" He says while squeezing gently.

You turn your head to glare at him, your knuckles beginning to turn white from how hard you're gripping. "Oh, yeah, I'm having so much fun," you almost growl.

He takes another sharp turn, and you almost bash your head off of the window. "Shit, be careful," Changbin's demeanor changes from amusement to concern. "You gotta pay attention, baby."

"Don't call me baby," you grumble, keeping your eyes on the road.

"You're cute when you're mad," he laughs while shifting his vehicle into another gear, the speed of it increasing.

You cross your arms over your chest for a few seconds. "Is that why you keep trying to get my number?" You ask him with a raised brow.

"I mean, it's part of the reason. The other reason is that you're so cute," he answers your question with his signature smirk.

Your hand grips his wrist that sits on the shifter, your eyes glancing towards the man. Changbin crosses the finish line in first place, and you release a deep breath as he starts to slow down.

As soon as he parks the car, you unbuckle your seatbelt before opening the passenger door. You tumble out of the vehicle, looking back to see others cross the finish line.

"Do you still want me to take you home?" Changbin asks you, leaning forward a bit to look at you from the driver's seat.

"Will you drive normally?" You almost plead to him, trying to get your heart rate down.

He smiles at you softly, nodding his head. "I promise," he places a hand on his chest.

You nod your head and get back into the car. The buff man beside you waits for you to get settled in before driving away. Silence fills the space for a few minutes, your eyes staring out at the quiet city.

"What do you get when you win?" You ask all of a sudden, keeping your gaze on the view.

Changbin hums in response while taking a quick glance in your direction. "Uhm, pride?" He chuckles, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel.

A loud laugh leaves your lips, and you finally look over at the pretty man. You give him a look, not wanting to believe that they don't get some sort of prize. "You're absolutely kidding?" You ask, leaning forward in your seat a bit.

"I'm being one hundred percent serious," he continues to laugh, turning his vehicle down a different street. "We all do it to be on top. You know how some guys can be. They get off on this kind of stuff."

"Gross," you laugh while shaking your head.

The two of you sit in a comfortable silence for the rest of the drive. Changbin pulls up to your apartment building, parking the vehicle before turning it off.

"What are you -" you're cut off as Changbin piles out of the car. You watch him race around the front before opening your door for you. "Well, aren't you a gentleman?"

You giggle as you get out, flattening the skirt of your dress afterward. "I'm trying to woo you," Changbin says, shutting the door behind you.

"Woo me, huh?" You whisper to yourself, feeling your lips perk up into a smile. He walks you up to the main door, holding it open for you.

"Thanks for accompanying me tonight," he mentions. "I hope it wasn't all scary."

"I…" you trail off while walking up the last step, tilting your head to look at him. "I had fun. The driving scared me a little bit, but you're pretty good behind the wheel."

You hold your hand out to him, deciding to give him your number. Changbin looks at your open hand in confusion before realizing what's happening.

"No way!?" He asks in a hushed whisper, shoving his free hand into his pocket. He pulls his phone out, placing it onto the palm of your hand. "You're actually giving me your number?"

"Yes," you laugh, typing your contact information into the device. "You're pretty cute, Seo Changbin."

"You're cute," Changbin mumbles, his eyes dropping down to your lips. "Would you want to come to the next one with me?"

You hiss before gently biting your lip. "Hm, I don't know about that one," you tell him, rocking on the balls of your feet. "I'll have to think about it."

"I'll take that."

You tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, leaning on your toes to press a kiss on his cheek. "I'll text you tomorrow," you tell him after walking through the open door.

Changbin grins, nodding his head. "I'll be waiting."

~

tagging: @thewxntersoldier @reddesert-healourblues @spacegirlstuff @foxinnie8 @moon0fthenight @luckieleaf @stayconnecteed @tiaxa @yoonrimin @sunny-future @daysofskz-ateez @endzii23 @sweetbutpsychovalkyrie @bunnies-only

[paletigers]

DAI and My Questions as a Trans Guy

So, I recently got into Dragon Age again (thanks @/fullgoob) and I've been sitting here with a thumb up my ass because I really would love to write a fanfic about Solas but I feel like I'm not there yet.

To any DAI fans, or DA fans in general, do we know how Elven and Dalish culture view trans people?

(Long thoughts ahead and very sleep deprived thoughts:)

We obviously only see transness through the lens of the Qun and Krem. (Only speaking to DAI, I haven't played the other games yet.) In the Qun, people are put into gender based on their role in society. In a conversation with Cassandra and Iron Bull, Iron bull states that women who are warriors are considered "men" under the Qun solely based on their role. He also sees Krem as a, for all intents and purposes, as a man not because of his role but because of who he is as a person and because he's just a great guy and cares (poor wording on my part, sorry). Now whether or not the Qun is "progressive" for this isn't what I'm curious about.

I'm curious on the rest of the party. We don't get to see or hear reactions of Krem's gender from anyone else besides Cassandra and Bull, but it's more about Qunari society and less about Krem, and Cassandra makes neither a positive nor negative remark.

So, to make a long story short and get to the point: How would Solas feel about a trans inquisitor? And adding onto that, how do the Dalish treat transgendered people/transexuals? Homosexuality is more "accepted" in Southern Thedas, but the Dalish are really keen on keeping tradition alive and passing down their lore, so I would assume that 'bonding' and child bearing is important one way or another. The acceptance of homosexuality would be on a case to case basis.

I really don't know how the Dalish would treat transgender people, however. I would assume that for the most part, as long as you are fufilling your duty (whether you are to be a keeper, hunter, mage, etc.) it wouldn't bare any issue. The issue of child bearing and keeping up the population and passing down the gift of magic would pose a question, but so would it in the case of homosexuality. I assume that as long as population numbers are steady and there is no active threats against this, trans people and gay people are fine. It would varey from clan to clan.

Now, Solas. I really can't get a read on this guy. I would like to believe he would be accepting (just cause I, unfortunately, love him) but I don't really have any justifications for this (I also don't have justifications for the opposite either, not trying to be negative, lol). Sera, from her point of view, sees the Lavellan/Solas relationship and says Solas probably shouts "Elven glory!" during sex, but that's just from her perspective as a City Elf with her biases towards the Dalish. The most I can gather from my single playthrough of DAI is that Solas would, probably, be super understanding about it. He doesn't have much connection to this world at all, much preferring the Fade, so maybe being transgender is just a new concept to him. Or, maybe it's completely normal, since spirits in the fade just... mimic the lives of mortals. Spirits are completely agender, just encompassing a specific purpose and fufilling that purpose, they have no use for the concept of gender. AND THEN... we know Solas is only straight because Bioware wanted to avoid a negative trope and have him not be bisexual. Because IF Solas lives with agender beings ALL THE TIME then why would he care if the Inquisitor is a woman or not?!

So, as I write this currently, I think I have come to a small conclusion:

I don't think he would "care" in a negative sense. I don't think he would be rude or crass, or even angry about the inquisitor coming out as trans. I don't even think that current canonical straight Solas would care if he was in a relationship with female Lavellan and Lavellan came out as a trans man to him. I think he would probably consider this natural and completely not "odd". Probably would say some shit about how in the fade, a lot of his spirit friends don't have gender either. I feel like he's a guy who just GETS it. He would probably have questions about like, the bodily process of transitioning (I still don't understand how the body magic works. Is it like magical HRT? Do they do like, magical T shots or rub magical T gel? Is there puberty blockers? Do you even have to do voice training? Someone please tell me) and would try his best to understand. If he got rid of your hand could he perform top surgery? Just like rift fade them off your body? Would you trust Solas to do your top surgery? I think I would.

Anyway. Let me know if we got any other opinions or stuff to add onto this. I really want to write some transguy fics with him because there is a SEVERE lack of them on AO3.

[sflow-er]

I saw the YR confessions poll, and while I wouldn’t say I ship Walty, I enjoy reading them sometimes. And I particularly like your version of them! Please don’t despair. Your stories are wonderful and your versions of these characters are so compelling 🧡

Thank you anon for your incredibly kind words, and for reading and enjoying my stories about Henry and Walter! Your message made me smile 🧡

I'm sure there are people out there who, like you, enjoy the occasional Walty fic even if they don't ship them! But conversely, I think there are also a lot of people who will vote to ship on these polls (the more ships, the better!) but aren't actually interested in fics or posts about them.

[Putting a cut here because as usual, this turned into a rambling thought piece]

The fact is that most viewers simply don't get attached to minor side characters, and that's particularly understandable when it comes to the Hillerska students in YR. I've noticed that many fans are not only indifferent to these characters, but they actively dislike them. A lot of people never forgave them for shunning Simon in S1, and the glimpses we saw of their elitism in S3 didn't do them any favours either. They represent a world that Simon doesn't fit into and Wille is meant to break loose from.

I regularly see posts questioning how anyone could like these characters, and even the occasional bad faith take on why they are popular. I assume those people are in the minority; the majority just scroll past posts or fics about Walty, Stedrika & co because they simply have no interest in exploring them further. (I keep thinking of how someone once told me directly that they couldn't stand any of the privileged brats, which was why they hadn't read my fics.)

In the immediate aftermath of S3, there was in fact a small surge in enthusiasm for Walty, as the meadow scene moved their relationship from "strictly platonic" to "open to interpretation" in many people's eyes. In my poll on their canon status, the result of 42.9% shippers/fans was probably skewed by my followers being more likely to ship than the average YR fan, but there was also very real excitement on their tumblr and ao3 tags. Many new posts and fics (by non-Wilmon standards), good responses to those, and new kudos/hits on older fics too.

However, that surge was virtually over by May, and since then, interest seems to have plummeted. Walty still appear in some fics as a side ship or as part of an ensemble, and there's one post-S3 WIP focused on them that has 130 kudos, but there have been very few new tumblr posts or fics focused on them since the spring. When people do make posts or publish fics, they don't get much of a response.

Of course, the immediate reasons are many fans moving on from YR as a whole since canon ended, and summer happening in between. But if we disregard those and just look at the fandom at any given time, there is a definite "Wilmon only" trend that I feel has grown stronger as the fandom has grown smaller. (Here's a link to my thoughts on said trend after S2.)

Take, for example, the fic numbers for other ships on ao3 (for the sake of clarity, I'm only including fics tagged with /): 121 Salice, 110 Walty, 86 Stedrika, 28 Vingust, 23 Madirosh, 22 Nilcent, 21 Sigust, 5 Vindie, 2 Madisander, 2 Nilgust. Plus 106 Sircus and 92 Sargust, but few of them are shipfics.

Even if these were all separate fics focused on each ship, they would only make 420 (+198) to Wilmon's 4,799 fics as of this morning. In reality, most of them are either fics primarily focused on Wilmon with other ships on the side or in the background, or multi-ship fics.

To bring this back to Walty, those 110 fics make six pages on ao3. If you sort them by kudos, only five fics on the first page are primarily focused on them, with 1,227 (OPS in which Wilmon are prominent side characters), 561, 517, 469 and 423 kudos. There are way more Walty-focused fics on the second page, but the decline in kudos is pretty steep. The bottom of page two is already down to less than 200, and only the very top of page four is over 100.

As a non-Wilmon author, I do find it sad how often I see people say that they aren't interested in anything else. I don't blame anyone for feeling that way - it was Wilmon's story that hooked us all in the first place! Everyone should get to enjoy fandom in their own way, and there's a strong sense of community in people being obsessed with the same ship and keeping it alive with all their love and creativity.

But for those of us who are also interested in the other aspects, the heavy focus on Wilmon can become a demoralising cycle. New fans coming into the fandom don't see much enthusiasm for other ships or characters, which means they don't get invested in them, which means there's even less incentive to create more fanworks or posts about them. There are no subcommunities for us; just the outer perimeter of the already small YR community.

For me, personally... Let's just say it has been an adjustment to go from OPS, which had 700 to 1,200 hits per update, to TRD where 200 hits per update are a windfall. That's partly my own fault for taking too long between updates (creative burnout is a bitch) and insisting on such a niche angle (ace/allo fics simply aren't as popular as allo/allo). But interest in Walty has also been on a steady downward trend I would say since the long wait for S3, and the brief upturn after S3 was very likely the last one. It's good to set my expectations accordingly the next time I post something.

Which I fully intend to do! I still have one or two new stories to tell and one WIP to rework and finish, and the "write for myself" approach is working for now. The "share for others" part will be harder than ever, but I'm keeping faith in my small group of loyal readers. Some of them may have been swept away by other things, but some have already reassured me they'll be there.

So you don't have to worry about me throwing in the towel just yet, dear anon, but thank you again for your supportive message! It really means a lot in light of everything I wrote above 💜

[skyfallscotland]

20 Questions for the Writers Tag Game!

I was tagged by @caeli0306

1. Total number of AO3 works

Nine!

2. Total AO3 word count 985,672! We're about to crack the mil, baby! And in just over a year, too 🥺💗

3. Fandoms I've written for

So many! But if we keep it to works currently posted: ACOTAR & The Empyrean series.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

Truth & TalonFear & FlameMacchiatoFurykeep quiet (nothing comes as easy as you)

5. Do I respond to comments?

Yes, always! I love receiving them, so replying is the least I can do 💗

6. What has the angstiest ending?

...Truth & Talon, actually...

No, I'm just kidding....mostly... 👁👄👁 I'm saying Dangerous Devotion. 7. What has the happiest ending?

Fury, I think.

8. Have I received hate?

Not recently/in the Empyrean fandom (unless you count people telling me they're disappointed with my choices, lol, shoutout to that one girl who was sad Remi wasn't a virgin!) but I have before for sure.

9. Do I write smut? And what kind?

Sure. What kind like...kinks? Praise kink? Cockwarming? What do you mean what kind? 😭 The hot kind 💗

10. Do I write crossovers?

I have before, but I don't have any currently published.

11. Have I ever had a fic stolen?

Multiple times, lol. she's an icon, she's a legend, and she is the moment.

Honestly though, please don't do this. It's not a nice feeling. It doesn't help you, either, or anyone else. Wouldn't you rather contribute something new to the fandom you're in? 12. Have I ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Some of my older Tolkien works were translated into Russian and I've had offers for Remi's Version, but I prefer that translations stay on AO3 (with very limited exceptions) which I suppose limits some people.

13. Have I ever co-written a fic?

I mean, most of my ideas are bounced off @justallihere and we throw dialogue/ideas back and forth so we'll give her... 12% of the credit for my next work. But no, I've never properly co-written anything. I feel like it would be weird, right? Unless you're writing a POV each?

14. What is my all time favorite ship?

Xaden Riorson/Remi Sorrengail 😌

15. A WIP I'll never finish?

I really hope to finish the things I've started so far. I have a few on the go, but the brain does what it wants. Tattoo-artist Xaden is sitting right on the edge there. I have 10k words of a scribe Violet AU that I might never pick up again, so let's say that.

16. Writing strengths?

Feelings, apparently. Lots of people tell me I make them cry, lmao.

17. Writing weaknesses?

Battles, action, fight scenes. I hate them. I hate them so much I'll write in storylines that change the canon universe so I can skip them completely. Ick.

18. Do I like foreign language dialogue?

I just write, for example, 'he said in Tyrrish' after the dialogue, I like that sort of thing, I think it's indicative enough without doing all italics and strange indicators like people used to back in the day, lol.

19. First fandom I wrote for?

Lord of the Rings. Very short lived. Was told it was "the worst fic I've ever read in my life" and that was that. I was maybe thirteen at the time 😌

20. Favorite fic I've written?

I cannot and will not pick a favourite child, but I will say Fury is very close to me. It got me back into writing and it came at a time in my life where I was really struggling and finding who I wanted to be and really changing my life. Without Tessa, there wouldn't be Remi 💗

I feel like everyone I know has already been tagged by someone, so I'll just open it to the floor for anyone who wants to participate 🤷‍♀️

[justallihere]

20 Questions for the Writers Tag Game!

I was tagged by @widebrimmedhatsblog

1. Total number of AO3 works

8!

2. Total AO3 word count

291,174

3. Fandoms I've written for

The only thing I've ever really published that's been popular is The Empyrean. I have a couple ACOTAR ideas but they've never seen the light of day

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

storm in the quiet (5,357)

simmer (609)

invisible in a violet sea (515)

violence in my veins (499)

somehow i still love you more (499)

5. Do I respond to comments?

....sometimes. Generally no because I'm really horrible at making time for it. But know that I read them all over and over again!! I'm trying to be better

6. What has the angstiest ending?

Everything that's currently posted has a happy ending. Storm in the quiet has the most angst overall, and some people might find the ending angsty but I don't think it is lol

7. What has the happiest ending?

Probably somehow i still love you more. Just Xaden and Violet and their baby, living their happy lives 😌

8. Have I received hate?

Not really! A couple people here and there who I think either didn't get the point of some of my work or it wasn't their thing and they told me about it anyway, but no outright hate

9. Do I write smut? And what kind?

Yes. Anything with a praise kink basically

10. Do I write crossovers?

Nope.

11. Have I ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of!

12. Have I ever had a fic translated?

Not yet! Maybe someday someone will want to.

13. Have I ever co-written a fic?

I have not. I'm so particular about my writing I don't know how it would go for me lol

14. What is my all time favorite ship?

For the Empyrean, Riorgail are my babies 🥰

15. A WIP I'll never finish?

Uh I started a Violet/Aaric fic set during Iron Flame that I don't think I'll ever pick back up

16. Writing strengths?

Dialogue and probably descriptions? I love taking the time to describe what the characters are seeing and feeling

17. Writing weaknesses?

Any type of action/fight scene. I hate it so much

18. Do I like foreign language dialogue?

A lot of untranslated dialogue when I'm reading takes me out of the story because I have to keep translating it myself. As far as writing, I don't really write it because I don't speak other languages besides English, so I wouldn't want to get it wrong

19. First fandom I wrote for?

I think it was PJO way back in the day? It never got published

20. Favorite fic I've written?

storm in the quiet. It's so long but it's really been a labor of love and the response I've gotten to it isn't something I'll ever forget. It's been an incredible experience sharing it with everyone 💕

I don't have anyone to tag so if you want to participate please do!!!

[sysmedsaresexist]

Hey we've been thinking about that "OSDD was a temporary diagnosis" post for a while and. it makes complete sense what you guys said but like. we can't get ANYONE to diagnose us as anything CDD, let alone anything that isn't going to give us the treatment equivalent of slapping a bandaid on a stab wound. Is there like, anywhere we could look further into P-DID/DID research on the subject? We're not comfortable moving off of the self diagnosis of OSDD-1b yet so we wanna be triple sure to get as much information as possible.

Thankies 💕💕💕

- 🐑 & 🌸 of the Constellation Collective

There's places all over to find that info, but I want to encourage you not to overthink it. You can dig deeper, you absolutely should, but the label... it doesn't matter. It's really, truly okay to get this one wrong and switch around between the labels or use them interchangeably. I promise. You don't need to be right, because you're right regardless (unless it's a misdiagnosis, but I'm going to talk about that at the end of this, because it's important).

I am diagnosed OSDD, but I call myself DID. It's easy, I understand that there's not that big of a difference, no one is going to yell at us (me or you) if it turns out that we have the other one. We're not misrepresenting ourselves. If it turns out I would only ever be diagnosed with OSDD, that doesn't mean I was wrong using the DID label, or that I was even mislabelling myself.

Whether you're diagnosed with DID or OSDD largely depends on where you live. I made a post about this a while back but I can't find it. The US is more likely to diagnose OSDD with minor amnesia than the UK. They're more likely to call minor amnesia DID (as they should). It's literally a dice throw, and not that important.

To quote my BFF, Colin Ross,

The dividing line between DID and most cases of dissociative disorder not otherwise specified is arbitrary [or OSDD]. Most cases of DDNOS are partial forms of DID which lack either clear switching of executive control, full amnesia barriers between identity states, or clear differentiation and structure of identity states. They are partial forms of DID with the same patterns of childhood trauma and co-morbidity.

Also this quote.

So on the one hand we have a vast swathe of people who are, or would be, diagnosed with OSDD as opposed to dissociative identity disorder but who show almost all of the symptoms of DID. Many people therefore see DID and OSDD as appearing on a spectrum, and prefer to conflate the two conditions so that DID/OSDD represents a range of dissociative experiences with more or less amnesia and greater or less elaboration and distinctive identity states or parts of the personality.

It is also what happens in practice: very few people would realistically distinguish between DID and OSDD.

And,

Both OSDD and DID are the result of the spontaneous action of the brain in response to trauma. Both contain different self-states, holding shards of memory and ‘unformulated experience’ (Stern, 1997). Both can be helped by similar approaches to therapy which encourage neuronal repair and result in brain growth such as increased hippocampal volume. Above all, all forms of dissociation need to be validated for their unique contribution to survival.

P-DID is a bit of a new one. Here's the ICD link to it, if you want to read more, but it's going to be the same as above. It's really not that important. Its main difference is that the system doesn't really switch, it's mostly intrusion (like feelings bleeding between alters and host).

These are really only useful for describing how your system generally functions.

Finally, misdiagnosis.

It's okay to be wrong completely. Maybe it's just BPD or OCD, autism, any of the number of disorders that come with identity confusion.

When someone self DX something like BPD and they finally get to therapy and find out it's literally ANYTHING else, we celebrate with them. Good job, you found answers! You're on the right path! You can get the right kind of help now. You did what you had to do in order to get by, and you did your best to try to understand yourself with the tools you had. The use of the first label wasn't malicious, you didn't hurt anyone by using it, and you probably got yourself pretty knowledgeable on the topic.

You are now a resource for those who are also trying to figure themselves out.

Who knows better what the difference between BPD and OSDD is than someone who tried out both and found the answer?

Being wrong doesn't mean you're bad, I don't know why we don't celebrate a misdiagnosis of DID like we do some others. We're all just trying to understand ourselves, and sometimes we're wrong. The point is that eventually we figure it out, and the journey there... recognizing a misdiagnosis is a GOOD part of your story, and it's an important story to share. You were still struggling, regardless of what label you used and what you're being diagnosed with.

Use the label that feels right to you. If you want to keep using OSDD, that's fine. You're describing how your system works right now, and that's perfect. Using DID or OSDD, you'll end up in the same place regardless-- hopefully this means with a good therapist who's going to take your symptoms seriously, but you're going to end up in that same chair no matter what label you're using.

I really hope this helped.

Also, I didn't really touch on it, but I'm sorry you're struggling to get a diagnosis. That must be incredibly frustrating. Don't give up. Unfortunately, the average is about 5 years for most. Keep advocating for yourself.

[cherrylng]

Muse Interview - Matt Bellamy, Dom Howard, and Chris Wolstenholme [ROCKIN'ON (June 2001)]

Muse's explosive sound of philosophy, “Origin of Symmetry”

Interview: Erika Yamashita / Photo: Masakazu Yoshiba

There is no one who listens to this album and is not astonished. The long-awaited second album by Muse, Origin of Symmetry, is a real eye-opener. One reason for the surprise is that Muse has grown and developed beyond expectations in just a year and a half since their debut album. But another, and the biggest surprise, is the sheer preposterous scale and construction of this album. A concept born of an insatiable interest and passionate thirst for knowledge about what controls and drives the world, the universe and all things. The eleven tracks are assembled with an overwhelming sound. There are hysterical falsettos of lamenting vocals with bold shouts, abrasive and gritty rhythm sections galloping, bass lines dancing, imposing pianos echoing, and guitars making about three different instrumental sounds. The weepy, somewhat folk-like Muse verse is still there, but it's so grandly crafted that you forget about it. There are pushes and pulls, peaks and valleys within each song, and a steady flow throughout the album. Nobody makes an album like this nowadays. It's not at all like the “progressive rock” “co-concept albums” of the past, either. I'm asking you to listen to it, and to receive the almost obsessive feeling inside you. You can't be alone in your thoughts. So, while being swallowed up by the tremendous energy of this album, what remains at the end is somehow a liberating sense of exhilaration. I was amazed that they had managed to get so much out of the album without wasting any of it, and I found myself turning up the volume even more and more. While keeping their minds busy with philosophical ideas, they are different from the introspective and damp mainstream of today's young UK bands.

As this is the first time all three of them have appeared together in an interview, I asked them about their roles in the band: "Dom is the wood, Chris is the oil, and Matt is the spark" and "when the three of us get together we make a huge fire". They have been friends for more than 10 years since junior high school, and there is a chemistry between them that goes beyond that of bandmates. Chris is an early father but a hotshot, and Dom is apparently the wife at Matt's side [1]. The excessive life energy, unique thought process and unbridled creativity of Matt Bellamy is able to continue to flourish without breaking down, thanks to this line-up.

After the interview, I saw the band live at a university hall in Norwich. The performance, which included most of the new album and some of the first numbers, was so strong that it was hard to believe it had only been a week since the start of the tour. The band are extraordinary performers to begin with, but what makes Muse's stage presence shine today is something else than technical conviction. The expression that originally emanated from the enormous mental energy of Matt hits us as a “sound” with powerful physicality. It seems to be visible now. Muse? Well, they're good, but they're a bit…… Even those who had said that were holding their breath at their new live show, their mouths open, and before they knew it, they were transformed into a whirlpool of bodies. Their summer showcase gigs are something to look forward to. In the next issue of this magazine, Matt will talk about each song on the album in more detail!

“At the beginning we were worried, we didn't know what people would think. But now we know that if we play music that we feel is ‘the one’, a lot of people will like it.”

What are your own feelings about the new record, now that it's finally finished? Chris (C): 「Oh, it's good.」 Dominic (D): 「(laughs) Yeah. I think we're all happy with it. It's a very different sound from before and we're happy with our performance. We've tried to do a lot of different things on purpose. Like long numbers and songs without guitars.」 Matt (M): 「A lot of the songs are dynamic, like a combination of several songs. Well, about half of them are hard numbers that are more like our live performances, but the one with John Leckie is longer. I think the bass sound is more prominent this time, after all. The same goes for Dom's drums. I think they're much more pronounced this time than before. I think there's a good balance between the three of us.」 C: 「I think that, unlike before, we've worked on it a lot on tour.」

I think this is one of the biggest albums in recent years. It's a huge leap forward, and it's also full of the feeling that it was so much fun to create the sound in the studio. Everyone: 「(nods their heads vigorously)」 M: 「John Leckie is a guy who really likes to experiment with sound. You can hear all kinds of tinkering with sounds, especially in the songs he produced.」

From the sound of "Plug In Baby" I had a feeling that the sound would be sharper, more solid and more confident, and I was not disappointed. M: 「I think the mix of live instruments and various electronic sounds worked well. But the electronic parts are done on guitar. I had two guitars built that I designed myself. It's a heavy sound, like a synth.’ Plug In’ also has a synth-like sound in the background, but it's played on guitars. One of the guitars has a mess of microphones attached to it. It's a cyber guitar (laughs). You can play it on a plectrum, but if you hit a button or something, it makes a sound.」

You wouldn't break that, would you? M: 「Hahahaha. I won't break it, I promise.」

(laughs). It's a really remarkable improvement, but how is it different from the first album? M: 「The biggest difference is our attitude towards making music. We have confidence in what we're doing, and we're okay with putting it out there for all kinds of people. When we first started out, we were quite anxious and didn't know what people would think. But now we know that if we play the music we think is right, a lot of people will like it. Anyway, it's confidence in every sense of the word. I think we're more open as musicians and songwriters, and I think we've gone a lot deeper than we did on the first album.」

It has a very intricate and complex sound and song structure, was it a difficult record to make? M: 「Not really. For example, on the last album, there were quite a few songs that we recorded once and then re-recorded later and they turned out good, but this time I was satisfied with all the songs after just one recording.」 D: 「It wasn't hard to do. Even before we went into the studio, we knew exactly what we wanted to do.」 M: 「And we rehearsed a lot. We'd done a lot of touring on songs like "Plug In Baby", "New Born" and "Feeling Good", so recording them was a piece of cake, which meant we could spend more time on the other difficult songs. John Leckie came to Devon to watch us rehearse and we discussed which songs to record. We didn't want to waste time in the studio making decisions. So this year we spent three weeks at Real World Studios and a week and a half at Astoria, a floating studio on the Thames. That boat used to belong to Chaplin, and now it belongs to Pink Floyd. And then the last three weeks we went into Abbey Road Studios.」

So was this overwhelming finish something you had in mind from the start? M: 「No, it turned out very different to what I had in mind. I mean, it's hard to predict. Even if you have a direction at the beginning, it changes as the song progresses.」

What are the qualities and contributions of the two producers, Dave Bottrill and John Leckie? M: 「Generally, I don't like producers who meddle in the arrangements. John Leckie is one who never does that. He never tries to change anything, he just lets us do what we want to do. But Dave Bottrill had some input on the arrangements of "New Born" and "Plug In Baby". I never usually accept that, but his advice was very simple and excellent. He's probably the only producer I can trust to give me advice on arrangements. Apart from that, Bottrill is very good at capturing a live sound. So it was perfect for us right after the tour. John Leckie, on the other hand, has a lot of experience in doing a lot of different things. So we could experiment with him. I feel like I can trust his opinion that he's done it this way before, or that it could be better this way. In a nutshell, John Leckie's contribution is a great deal of experience and knowledge. Well, on the last album there was another voice, Paul Reeve, who was a big part of it, he was the engineer and almost co-producer, but I think the tone is more consistent this time. It's basically Leckie and me.」

Was there a particular recording session or song that left the biggest impression on you? M: 「"Megalomania" started out as a quiet song with acoustic guitar and a bit of percussion from Dom, but halfway through it turned into a song with a majestic church organ. Dom was playing very rock drums and Chris was playing a very heavy distorted bass sound, and there was a church organ sound on top of that. It's a powerful mix of very old and new sounds. It's all over the album. On "Screenagers", the bones sound like they're a hundred years old, and then all of a sudden you're surprised by the synth sounds. Almost every song changed a lot during the recording process. We came up with different arrangements and used new instruments. But in general, we made it with the intention of being able to reproduce it live.」 D: 「"Screenagers", by the way, that's a strange atmosphere……」 M: 「It was just the three of us and John Leckie in the studio, and we brought all sorts of stuff in there. Bones, animal claws…」 D: 「Llama toenails and stuff.」 M: 「The four of us would make all sorts of sounds with all these strange objects that we put around the room, and we'd record them first. Then we put the music on top of that in the same room.」

Where did you find all these ‘strange objects’? M: 「Oh, John Leckie has a lot of stuff (laughs). Dom's got a few of them, and I've got a friend who's got a few of those. Most of them are percussion kind of things. Like a bullroarer, a kalimba. Wind chimes and stuff like that. And what else……」 D: 「Bubble wrapping sheets [2]. Thin sticks that make a thunder-like sound. Um……」 M: 「It's a long tube (laughs). It was more to create an atmosphere than a musical instrument. What was it for, let's see…」 D: 「Well, it's more like creating a background.」 M: 「Well, at first I was trying to create a sound like a windy summer day. But then we started going in a weird, dark direction.」 D: 「It was about creating an image of the band being in this kind of place. Like on a porch, or on top of a hill. But it was like we were sitting by the fire. I think the sound of the bubble wrapping sheet is like the sound of sparks bursting out of a fire.」 M: 「If silence is a pure white canvas, this is like painting on a canvas that has something on it beforehand. It's like chaos theory or nonlinear mathematics. It's the initial conditions that make a big difference.」

……Yes. M: 「(laughs) How can fiddling with llama toenails be nonlinear mathematics?」

Anyway, it sounds like it was a fun recording session. D: 「It was very smooth and relaxed.」 M: 「Really? I was stressed all the time.」

Doesn't that mean that Dom is always the relaxed one and Matt is the stressed one? M: 「I think so. I was always worrying about this and that. I was worried and nervous and self-doubting. From start to finish (laughs). Once we'd finished making the album and started touring, that went away. Then little by little, I went into a stress cycle for the next album.」

"We know very little about music before the 90s. There were a lot of bands that made concept albums in the past, but I don't know anything about them."

Hahaha. I don't think there are any bands in the UK today that are willing to take on and stand up for these big themes and concepts. What do you think? M: 「In other words, it's about taking on the responsibility of what you say in your expression and music, right? I think so. Of course, there are lots and lots of bands out there, but amongst the rather well-known UK bands now, there are hardly any that I feel a connection with.」

So, not only is it a concept album that relies on a major theme, but it also has very progressive elements, including themes such as existence and the universe, but despite this it has a strong personality that is not anachronistic or retro. What do you think is the core of this individuality? M: 「Well. I guess we hardly know any music from before the 90s.」 C&D: 「Pfft (laughs).」 M: 「No, no, that's part of it…… There were a lot of bands that made concept albums in the past, but I don't know anything about them. John Leckie often talks about when he worked with Pink Floyd, and when I tell him I don't know any of the songs, he laughs really hard. He always finds it strange. He says we know very little about music that he thinks is compatible with us.」

What do you consider to be the main musical influences of this album? M: 「Yeah, we talked about it a bit the other day, but for me I can see where the influences are coming from. Half of what I listen to is old…… I mean, music from the end of the 19th and the first half of the 20th century, like Rachmaninoff, Debussy, and Chopin. I also listen to a lot of piano music. I've gotten a lot better as a pianist compared to last year. Until last year, I was just okay, and in the first album I could do very simple arpeggios. You know, like "Sunburn". But I practised a lot after that. I listened to and studied a lot of piano music. There is a pianist called Evgeny Kissin who plays very complex music, and I listened to a lot of that. I also listened to a lot of Daft Punk, Yell, the old Aphex Twin, and a little bit of rock, like NIN and Deftones. I think it came from being exposed to both very old music and modern music.」

Are you bored of the guitar? M: 「No, no, no, not at all. I just always wanted to be a very good pianist. It's a difficult instrument.」

You originally played jazz piano first, didn't you? When you were a child. M: 「Yes, but it's only in the last six months or so that I've really been able to play the way I want to play. So the piano isn't a big deal, I only use it on two songs or so. But I think it has a lot of influence on songwriting and arranging, because it's easier to come up with interesting chords when writing songs on the piano than on the guitar. But I prefer to play the guitar in live performances.」

You don't bring a grand piano on stage? M: 「No, no. I'll probably play the piano on one song, but it'll be a small electric piano. I love the grand piano, but only if I go that far (laughs).」

How about you two? What are the musical influences on this album? D: 「That's pretty much it. Rage Against The Machine, NIN, and Deftones are the only rock bands that all three of us listen to. There's something in their music that's different from other American bands.」 M: 「Chris's taste has changed the most so far. He used to be all about heavy music.」 C: 「Now I specialise in "Pet Sounds".」

(laughs). Now, about the title of the album, "Origin of Symmetry." M: 「……Is it really good?」 C: 「Hmm? (laughs)」 M: 「Hey, that doesn't look good. How does it feel? What do you think of this title? What do you think when you hear this phrase?」 C: 「Well…」 D: 「(lost in laughter)」 M: 「I hope it's a title that makes all sorts of people think about all sorts of things. It's something that each person can define in their own way. Even if I don't need to define it myself.」

Please give us your own definition as well. M: 「I think several themes will emerge throughout the album. It's…… Well, how should I put it (laughs)…… Well, first of all, it's about "Space Dementia". Futurism. That word could have been the title of the album. Futurism has nothing to do with the history of art, it's just a kind of idea, but I've recently learned that there's a word for personal fulfilment and the meaning of life being available later on, not now. But in any case, I think it would be a mistake to base the meaning of your life on the knowledge you've acquired so far. I think you should always be open to new ideas. And what "Space Dementia" is talking about is the feeling you get when you realise that we are really, really alone in this universe. Also, it's still about atheism and things like that. Not believing in God, and how to deal with that. Some of the songs really speak directly to God - or at least to God, if there is a God. Why are we here, what is the reason for our existence, and what is the reason for God's existence? Those things pop up every now and then (laughs).」

Why are you so obsessed with religion? Did you used to believe in God overwhelmingly? M: 「No, I think it is difficult to believe in God in today's world. Any religion is a stage in the evolution of a particular nation or civilisation, and now that there is such a global connection, no religion is good enough to be applicable to the whole. So I think that by searching for something that works for the whole planet, maybe we can become one. I think that what we call human consciousness - consciousness - has existed since the beginning of the universe when it exploded. The universe started with ten dimensional space, which was divided into two smaller spaces by the explosion, one of which is the four dimensional space in which we live. And consciousness is the evolution of the so-called material elements to a higher state. I think that in the beginning, the universe was fully conscious. The smallest of these was the atomic nucleus, from which electrons were eventually created, and then atoms, which are a higher level of consciousness, and then groups of atoms create the elements…… and so on, and as the degrees of consciousness increase and the individual things merge, they eventually become one complete consciousness. And eventually the aggregation of the elements made the stars. I think the stars have consciousness and the universe is trying to form a higher dimensional order. All the elements that make up the earth and our physical bodies were once part of a single celestial body. Billions of years ago, it was split into several celestial systems by a supernova. So there was once a time when we were consciously one. Now I think we're struggling to reconstitute it somehow, to get back to our original state. We're trying to reconnect with every single person on the planet and with the universe. That's what I sing about on the album (laughs).[3]」

That was a very obvious answer…… Where did you come up with these themes? M: 「I've always wanted to know about that kind of thing, so I've been doing a lot of research. I feel satisfied and happy when I am researching and searching for something. So my research has shifted from religion to science. But I still don't know if what I just said is really 100% correct (laughs). Anyway, I've been reading a lot of books on philosophy of science.」

Does that come from resistance to the fear, for example, that humanity is infinitely lonely and that there is nothing in a human lifetime that we can believe in? M: 「Yes, that's the struggle. That feeling of loneliness and fear is the negative side of my thinking, whereas the positive side of my thinking is that we are all united on a cosmic level and are somehow moving towards a higher order. But what really frightens me is that the universe is in fact on the verge of decay and death. There are signs that what was once perfect is gradually cooling down as it splits into smaller and smaller pieces. It's called entropy, and it means that the universe will eventually die. This is a frightening thought, because it means that there is no positive reason for being alive. But, you know, that's a negative way of thinking, and there are positive ways of thinking too. The universe, which used to be dead, is becoming more and more vibrant, and different species are emerging. If the temperature of the universe keeps dropping, somewhere you get to the point where life can occur, and right now life is occurring everywhere in the universe, and it may be about to form something completely different from what we have seen before. The songs on this album go back and forth between these two ideas of negative and positive, and hopefully I want to be on the positive side (laughs).」

Is "Plug In Baby" actually a song about that? The NME live review said that the lyrics were "like virtual sex", which made me laugh a little. M: 「Hahaha. That was, well, high energy and a bit …… It might not be easy to get into from the line I just mentioned (laughs). I think it can be read in a lot of different ways. I wrote those lyrics a long time ago, and I can't remember exactly what I was thinking at the time. But in the overall context of the album, it's like I'm singing to a human being who was once thought of as a god, saying I've exposed your lies, that I've seen what's underneath but it's no big surprise, that now is the time for a change, that it's time to cleanse everything away and forget your love. Maybe it's time to abandon the old God and celebrate the latest science and technology, or something like that…… Maybe, like that. Haha.[4]」

Do both Dom and Chris share Matt's developing themes about science and existence? Or is it more a case of leaving it to the megalomaniacal lyricists and not revealing anything? Everyone: 「Pfft, wahahahaha.」 D: 「No, I'm really interested in this stuff too. But Matt reads a lot more mathematical books than I do.」 M: 「We talk about a lot of stuff. I sat down with Chris to talk about the lyrics for this album, and we talked about what we were singing about. But I always tell Dom what books I'm reading and what I'm thinking about. It's not like, "Let's discuss this song" or anything like that (laughs). I think everyone talks about these things in their own way. Some people don't need that many words to express an idea. Some people can sum it up in just one sentence. It just takes me about an hour to say that (laughs)…… Well, I could explain that this song is about my girlfriend and how I was recently dumped, but that wouldn't be funny, would it?」

(laughs). M: 「No, I might get dumped soon.[5]」 D&C: 「Hahahaha……」 M: 「I'm doing this because I think I can explain what is influencing me on a deeper level and making me write music. And I think there are many explanations for one thing. I never know which one is the purely correct explanation.」

The majestic number "Megalomania" at the end of the album was tentatively titled "Paradise" or "Multiple." Is it an inside joke to end the album with a song called Megalomania, which means delusion of grandeur? M: 「……Yes.」

In other words? M: 「Hahaha, well, I mean, it's a really grandiose, almost obsessive obsession to find out the identity of the one who controls everything.」

That's what you have inside you. M: 「To find God. Yeah.」

"When I was 16 or 18, what I wanted to do didn't mesh with anyone around me. My way of doing everything was extreme and insane. I always want to go as far as I can. That's life for me, otherwise what's the point?"

You said you've always thought about the purpose of life and the meaning of existence, when was the first time you thought about that? M: 「Every moment of my life, all the time…… My first memory of my life is a smell. Maybe when I was one or two. The smell of cough medicine spilling on my clothes. But now I think about it, there was me smelling it and there was me looking at it from across the room. I think my whole life has been like that. I think I've been like that my whole life… me looking out from the inside, and me looking at myself from outside, from a distance. Haha…… Any memory I have, there are always two perspectives like that, at the same time.」

You seem mature for your age in terms of what you're thinking and what you're trying to deal with in your music, but do you ever find that you don't talk to young people your own age? M: 「Oh, that. That happens sometimes. I mean, earlier, when I was 16-18, I was very much like that. What I wanted to do didn't really mesh with anyone around me. My way of doing everything was extreme and insane. I always want to go as far as I can. That's life for me, otherwise there's no point. It's a waste of time. But now, I think it's good to talk to other people of my generation. When you talk to people who went to university, they've done so many different things, and there's so much to talk about, it's interesting.」

Do you think there are more or less generational interests and sensitivities, although expressed in different ways? Do you think that themes like the "meaning of existence" that you discuss, which are philosophical and may be considered difficult, resonate with people? M: 「Yes, I think so. When I talk to people I know, I think we're all thinking about the same things. The environment in which we live, the global environment, the relationship between Western society and the third world, and so on. I think overall people are thinking more globally than they used to. ……Probably. Maybe not (laughs).」

Dom has been smiling and listening to what Matt has to say since a while ago, what does he mean to you? D: 「I think he's totally what he says he is. He's constantly raising questions about the world, about people, about society, and this is also like he says himself, sometimes he splits up inside himself without coming to a conclusion.」 M: 「"Origin of Symmetry" is about somehow finding the common thread that runs through all people. And it's hidden in the deepest place, and for me it's music. That's the source of my harmony. Hehehehe.」

So you're saying that music is the anchor that keeps you from constantly treating the world from a split perspective, for better or worse? M: 「Oh, yeah…… Yeah (laughs).」

There are even people who sing songs about the meaning of existence, about emptiness, or about not falling into emptiness, against the walls of their bedrooms. Have you always felt that such a way of expression was not enough for you? If you want to express yourself, it has to be in what could be called "excessive". M: 「Yes. I've thought about it a lot so far, but there are quite a lot of people who don't want to show their inner selves to the fullest. I don't know why. I'm not afraid or ashamed of what's inside me. But I also don't know why I am the way I am. Why do I want to express everything inside and outside of myself so much…… Hehehe……」

What I feel throughout the album here is that the music is like reaching out from the darkness towards a ray of light. D: 「It's good, that’s how it feels.」 M: 「Because I think the darkest moments in life are the moments when you find something truly meaningful.」

I see. I once asked you what hope means to you, do you remember? You said your definition of hope was "a small light above your head at the bottom of a deep, dark well". M: 「Hehehe…… I think so.」

Well, the tour has finally started. Do you feel that with this magnificent new album, Muse have entered a whole new chapter? M: 「Yeah, yeah. I feel that way lately. Everything is progressing at a good pace. Unlike last time, the artwork is progressing well. We're going to use several artists' interpretations of the phrase “seeking harmony in chaos”. One of them will be used as the front cover, and each page will be decorated with a different picture. Each one looks completely different, some artists draw pictures, some sculptures, and some internet art. They are all very good, and I think you can find something in common through all of them. I think it's the same with the songs on the album. I'm trying to find a balance amongst all the noise. I'm trying to find harmony and reason in the seemingly chaotic. I want life to be like that for me. It can be explained in many ways, but there is definitely something at the core. We humans are all like that after all, so I think we should think more about that kind of thing that we all share.」

By the way, there were some people who said that the original cover of "Plug In Baby" was "bad" and "I don't like it" (laughs), so a different design was used for the Japanese version, but what was the mindset behind the design of the cover? M: 「Aliens are something that people came up with when they wanted to escape from loneliness and thought that they exist somewhere in the universe, right? And, this is completely unrelated to this story, haha, but there's another background to it. I had a series of hallucinatory dreams for a while. It sounds like a bad thing to say, but…… When I was in America, I was drinking a lot every night and I always had a headache during the day. I didn't mean to drink that much, but at one point, when I woke up every morning, I thought that I had the same strange dream. I was in a desert-like place where the ground was dry and cracked, the sky was blue and the sun was so bright, and the horizon was so flat and endless that there was no way to escape. There I'm being chased by sharp blades and I'm desperately trying to escape. There are many, many blades flying around in the air, and I try to run and avoid getting hit, but sometimes I get hit. And they pierced me. BBut they didn't cut my body, they just went into a certain part of my brain. Every morning when I wake up, that spot hurts. I can still tell that this spot hurt. And I started to get really worried. I thought there must be something wrong with me.」

In the brain? M: 「Yes. (laughs) Or maybe not…… I saw a film called Communion, which is a very good film, and it was based on a novel, and it was basically about people who were abducted by aliens. It's about how people create that experience within themselves. Especially during creative brainstorming. The film is about a writer who, while writing a new book, falls into a slump and can't write anything. He gets abducted by aliens, but it's actually all in his imagination. But he wakes up every morning with a severe pain in one spot on his head. The alien comes with a sharp blade and drills a hole in his head. It's different from my hallucination I had, but I felt like there was something in common. So the alien picture on the cover was partly influenced by that film. And the contents of the album are also somehow connected. But I think my headache was just because I was dehydrated (laughs). And it went away when I started drinking water.」

Right. But what do you do? What if you were actually being abducted by aliens every night? M: 「Eh…… Heeheeheehee.」

Translator's Note: So many things to say.

[1] Every time I question how and when Belldom came into existence, wondering if this was just something that early Muse fans cooked up for fun, I get reminded that the dynamics of their friendship was already THAT obvious early on and it was even noticed by the Japanese journalists who have interviewed them.

[2] The word that was actually written was puchi-puchi (ぷちぷち) wrapping sheet. If you know what popping bubble wrap sounds like, then that’s what was described.

[3] I’m impressed that the journalist managed to understand the whole thing that Matt was rambling on about to keep up with him, on top of the translator who later had to translate the transcript from English to Japanese. Kudos to them, honestly.

[4] Yes, that is literally Matt describing “Plug In Baby”… word-to-word from the actual lyrics itself. I just edited the part to make sure that it does read as close to the lyrics as possible.

[5] I’ve checked on Musewiki, and I think this Rockin’On interview might be the earliest mention of Matt talking about his and Tanya’s relationship breaking down. Especially given that the interview occurred in early April, right before their live gig at University of East Anglia in Norwich (April 9th, 2001) that the journalist attended as well. So it’s a period of time where they were already separated, but you can see that Matt was going through a hard time accepting it.

That's all to say. Please do support me with my Ko-fi! ☕

[windvexer]

for like the fifth time I'm going to try and say my feelings on "you have to do physical support actions or your magic won't work"

if you're not familiar with this it basically means performing regular ""mundane"" actions that correspond with your magical intent. Cast a house protection spell, but also lock the doors. Cast a job spell, but also apply for jobs.

At face value it does not seem like very bad advice and in fact I do think that for many people it's decent advice, in fact I suspect it's helpful for many,

but I find an intense difference between these two statements:

"Mundane supportive actions can be a helpful technique for manifestation. It's something you might try as part of your magical experiments or for troubleshooting when your magic isn't working well,"

and,

"You must perform corresponding physical actions or your magic will not work."

And I think that most people just sort of automatically assume some version of this to be true without ever really thinking about it. And today I'd like to tug at some of this base assumption yarn and see what the cardigan looks like when we're done.

Here are some things I see said about this:

"Magic follows the path of least resistance [assumption of its own, but let's roll with it] and taking mundane supportive action reduces resistance against the spell."

Well, does it though?

Let's assume that magic takes the path of least resistance

(and gods, spirits, and entities always, universally, and unfailingly function in a way that simply takes the least amount of energy possible and never behave in unique and unpredictable ways according to their personality and whims)

and that the path of least resistance for a job spell is that the delivery person is going to hand you a package at your door and say, "hey, we're hiring, I get a bonus referral if you call this number by Friday."

Okay, so that's the path of least resistance. By, like, a huge margin. Let's say that path has 5 resistance points (low!).

And you applying for jobs online or in person has 750 resistance points (holy shit, that's quite high).

Like, right now, for whatever reason, you're just not getting hired when you submit your resume (*your "best friend" hid swear words in your job experience column as a "joke").

For this thought experiment, the spell is simply going to manifest by the delivery person handing you a referral printout.

So let me ask you this

Is going out to apply to jobs with your resume actually reducing "resistance" in a way that matters at all?

In fact, in some scenarios, is it possible that the actions you take (turning in your tainted resume) increase resistance, even though from our perspective it is supposed to be helping?

In this thought exercise, these mundane actions which are supposed to be helping are either irrelevant to the path the spell is actually going to take, or are actually increasing "resistance."

So -

Are mundane actions always necessary to compel spells to manifest?

And if they are always necessary, what is the mystical function which links unrelated and unhelpful actions to the actual manifestation of the spell?

I've never seen anyone explain that part. Because I think people would say something like

The Universe wants to see you work towards your own goals

In which case, that is the spell, I've already done that, it was me casting the spell!!!!!

(Also I'm not New Age, I do not believe in a conscious or co-creating Universe in a way that matters, and my spiritual beliefs about the Universe do not intersect with my magic)

or maybe they'd say like

Splashing around in the pond of Applying For Jobs somehow causes ripples in the Jobs pond that makes it easier for the spell to manifest,

like apparently there's some sort of surface tension that we need to break in order to allow the spell to manifest at all.

And to be perfectly honest,

yeah.

I believe in that one.

I believe it helps!!

It's the equivalent of a cartoon where a big cloud of dust kicks up and then something important is swapped out behind the scenes but we don't really know how it happened.

But!

I don't believe it helps all of the time!

I don't believe it is necessary all of the time!

When facing a very stagnant or resistant situation, I personally find that a valid magical technique is splashing about in the pond and getting the silt stirred up and then bippity boppity, the change happened!

This of course implies that such actions may be unnecessary and even very unhelpful when:

Situations are rapidly changing and fast-paced

Situations are very delicate and it was already never safe for you to take the only available mundane options

...you didn't need to do so, because the spell was going to manifest just fine anyway

The splashing is actually getting directly in the way of causing manifestation

Let's revisit that job spell where your ""friend"" fucked with your resume.

Now let's say that your job spell has specific requirements.

Let's say that you must have a work from home position in your niche field.

The only way to get these jobs (besides in-person networking, which you can't do because you are disabled) is to apply online.

And in this field you do not fill out little job apps. You always send in your resume.

Every single time you send in your resume, you are unknowingly sending a tampered resume that uses extremely inappropriate language.

Because you have been told you must take mundane supportive action or your spell will not manifest, you actively seek out employers and send them your resume. They never reply.

Once you send in your resume, even employers who were talking to you stopped contact.

Someone on Twitter reaches out to you! Unexpected! Great lead! You send in your resume (you must perform physical supportive actions or your spell will not manifest) and...

They block you.

"Now hold on," perhaps you are saying, "this is such a specific situation. And not very reasonable, either. A majority of people will be able to perform physical supportive actions that are actually helpful."

In which I return to point #1, where if the only way the spell was going to manifest was via the delivery driver, how do you know any specific action you are taking is actually helpful?

And waving back to point #2, which is, it is reasonable, actually, for people to be doing everything appropriate and reasonable to support their spellwork, but unknownst to them there is some hidden problem that is causing mundane actions to fuck up manifestation,

whether or not it is a simple and obvious problem like a fucky resume, or whether it is a very obscure and esoteric problem,

But then also let's roll right into point #3, which is,

I just don't believe that a majority of practitioners, even very good practitioners, are so adept at spellwork that they know exactly the "path of resistance" their spells are going to take,

because for some reason when people say "path of least resistance" apparently they're envisioning like 2 or 3 huge macro channels we can get in there and dig out with shovels,

and not ten thousand cracks the size of spider legs smashed into the mirror of reality,

each one almost as equally likely as one another,

running into each other like colors in a liquid prism,

many of which may not respond at all to our clumsy actions,

may be specifically resistant to our actions,

or operate on planes of existence so Other that it is a miracle the intersect with physical reality at all, and yet are as alike as any crack to shunt our manifestations to our feet.

"Magic follows the path of least resistance" is a delightful nod at Newtonian physics, and doesn't actually imply that, like, these paths are things we can necessarily interact with in a way that matters,

are large enough that we can adeptly manipulate them with our mountainous, clunky bodies,

are channels we recognize or personally believe in,

or even exist within our realm of comprehension.

The "path of least resistance" could be nine hundred thoughts flitting through a series of retail worker's minds, one secret shopper not being able to find the right brand of salsa, a dropped cigarette, and an exasperated manager finally turning to Annoying Chad and saying, "you said you can get your friend to work here, right?"

well, anyway.

Thoughts like these are why I question this magical "law" as being a law in the first place, and why some of the stuff we take for granted in manifestation not really mattering at all, sometimes.

I just believe that magic is supposed to work.

I do think that very often, and for mysterious reasons of mystery, mundane support actions can help. (splashing in the pond, &etc)

I think that if you are personally having trouble manifesting, or if you are new to magic and you're not sure what to try first,

experimenting with mundane support actions is just dandy.

I think that if you're more experienced in magic and looking to try something new, experimenting with magical support actions is a nifty way to flesh out your personal praxis.

But I think that unless you are specifically working with a magical tradition that requires mundane support actions,

then this is not an actual rule or law at all. It's just a technique, and like any other can help, harm, or do nothing at all.

[flythesail]

Hey! I don't know if you're still accepting asks on the acolyte but since the cancellation I've been seeing lots of people in 'defence' of the cancellation be like it wasn't perfect or there was a lot to work on so it's not surprising but none of them ever elaborate on that and I'm just wondering what's your opinion on that cos to me it feels like... What are you even trying to say either tell us your criticism of the show or stop complaining idk maybe I'm just being dramatic but I just feel like so what if it wasn't perfect that's irrelevant because how many 1st seasons are?

Hi! Yeah, I'd agree I don't think whether or not it was "perfect" has anything to do with whether it should have been renewed. That's subjective and not something that's considered when renewing shows. How many people watch will be most important. Which, is why we see so many streaming shows canceled after a season now because the expected number is unrealistic.

But if you ask me! In the Acolyte's case, Disney/Lucasfilm is blaming the cancelation on views as their easy out. As opposed to supporting the project after all the backlash it's gotten for... simply existing. The quality was on par with everything else in Star Wars, if not better. It found an audience too so with time it'd only have grown.

In terms of other critiques, I've seen that there should have been more episodes and the episodes should have been longer. I'd say that's a fault of the streaming model itself, not unique to the Acolyte. Tbh I think they did well with the time they had. And I'm sure if they were offered more time, they would have taken it.

Even from people who loved it, I've seen a lot of "it wasn't perfect but it does deserve a second season because x, y, z." It's like there's a hesitancy to say "hey, I love this!" without explaining yourself. Again, this could be because of the treatment the show has received from its start. On twitter it's common to receive hate just for saying anything positive.

[babblingbookends]

20 questions for fic writers

Okay so hopefully I found all the people who tagged me in this game, thank you to @fleur-de-violette @goldenraeofsun and @wildsofmarch for the tag! (If you tagged me and I didn't see it, thanks to you too!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Thirty-eight! I didn't realize there were so many.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

50,029. A respectable number, but could be better

3. What fandoms do you write for?

DC Comics, but mostly Batman. I pretty much exclusively write fics for DC Comics, with the majority being Batman and Batfam-related comics. I have one single fic for another fandom, and that fandom is Avatar: The Last Airbender.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Tim Drake (Doesn't) Drink Coffee, which is also my first fic! It currently has 990 kudos

Do You Need Another Box of Tissues? which beats the next fic by 1 kudo, sitting at 242 kudos

Hypnogogic Jerks and Other Body Quirks is still one of my favorite titles! It has 241 kudos (update: I double checked before posting this and it now has 242 kudos, tying it for second place

Batman vs. Bridezilla has an even 200 kudos

And number five is Isern, which I'm a little shocked by considering it's currently my most recent fic. It has 156 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! I don't get a lot of comments, so it doesn't usually take me long to get through them, but I do tend to let them build up a bit before I answer them.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhh good question. You're Just A Baby, You Can Not Fly is angst the whole way through, so maybe that one

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Realizing now that a lot of my fics are either angst or smut, soooo there's happy endings in most of the smut fics teehee. But also this one, Soda Pop, is sweet the whole way through.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I'm fortunate enough that so far, I have not! I don't feel like I'm big enough to get hate

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! Not sure how to describe what kind, but I've touched on a lot of smut things. This may be TMI, but I really like writing sex that also involves pain, I think it works so well with the Batfams gestures wildly everything.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No. I'm not opposed to the idea but it sounds too complicated for my writing tastes

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I've noticed or been told about

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of! I would love to have it happen though

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! I think it sounds fun but collaboration scares me sometimes because what if. what if I'm actually stupid. and my co-writer hates everything I come up with. Horrible thought

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

My all-time favorite is a tough one to choose butttt I really like Wonderbat from Justice League Unlimited. Niche, I know, but it was my childhood ship and holds a special place in my heart. Never actually written something for it though!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Hoooooo-boy, I recently abandoned a buuuuunch of wips in my wip folder because I had named them random, unimaginative stuff, and simply didn't have the mental energy to go through them and see what was in them and rename them so I just put them all in a folder and started fresh. However, in that folder was another folder where I had a series planned based around Jason and a bunch of members of the Batfam. Each fic would have chapters from Jason's POV and another character. The first fic was Jason and Tim solving a missing persons case. I think Barbara's was them, like, getting trapped in a mall by the Joker, and I vaguely remember that Dick's took place in New York City.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have no idea. Maybe my descriptions of stuff? I really like describing things in unexpected ways and trying to pull emotion into them. No idea if other people like it though!

17: What are your writing weaknesses?

I always feel like my flow is really bad. Like some places feel really slow and some places feel too rushed, if that makes sense. I also think that when I'm writing a character I always make the character feel a bit too distant, like I'm just describing what's happening to them instead of making the reader feel what's happening to them.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Well you see, I have this bad habit of thinking I can just learn an entire language in an afternoon, which means that no writing actually gets done. So unless it's something I can a. easily translate from a dictionary (so a single word or a simple, common phrase) or b. ask one of my international friends to translate for me, I usually find another way to say it without using the actual language. Maybe sticking the words in italics, or the old classic "he said something in Russian".

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

Batman! As I said above, my first fic was Tim Drake (Doesn't) Drink Coffee. Before that I only wrote original stories.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

All these questions about fics when I don't remember anything about any fic I've ever written XD.

Probably either Gotham Roulette or Clock-Beat, Heart-Beat. Based off of popularity, Gotham Roulette is one of my least popular, but I still like it, it was so dramatic. And Clock-Beat was really fun to write, it's about the Batfam from the perspective of a clock.

And that's that!

Tagging @cephalog0d, @adelfie, @nelson-and-murdock, and whoever else wants to play!

[the-ominous-owl]

hihi! would you be willing to expand on your answer for 31 ("man, parts of sentient halo au FOUGHT ME in like a knock-down-drag-out type deal")? i was just rereading it recently and now i'm curious (and if you don't feel like it, maybe 13?)

hi friend, for sure! i love talking about sentient halo au.

the last... probably three chapters? were the hardest to get out. i think it was a combination of the fact that it was the most popular thing i've written and i was putting a lot of pressure on myself to not suck because there were so many people reading it (it had, at one point, over 2000 subscribers which is a bonkers number of people), but also, dealing with the aftermath of ava and bea getting their shit together, cos my brain wanted to be like "okay, they're together now so everything's fine", but obviously it isn't because there's so much other stuff going on.

so yeah, the back third or so was a bit of a slog. chapter 7 was probably the hardest, as evidenced by how long it took me to post it lol. 8 and 9 were easier, mostly because @omomoification beta'd them for me and let me wail into her dms about it (momo my beloved <3), and we got there in the end

also cos you asked

13. Rate your worldbuilding skills from 1 to 10.

probably like a 5? ish? i'm most comfortable writing like, canon but slightly to the left. when i stray too far beyond it i tend to either get too bogged down in detail or leave everything too vague and confusing.

ask me things