#🦇 vampyr diariez

[vampyrdiariez]

♰ - MAJOR LIFE UPDATE!! (pt 1.)

𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 #5. ⋆｡˚🦇⛧

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7/3/24, 10:52 PM - 12:12 AM.

hello little people in my laptop! it's been a while huh?? I'm sorry that I haven't posted here in a while, i've had a LLLOOOTT going on. So, here's a big of a life update.. a summary of the last five-ish months.

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First I'll summarize with a basic timeline, then we'll get into details.

☆ Situationship!! , ☆ Friend Drama, ☆ Situationship goes from 0 - 100, ☆ MORE FRIEND DRAMA??, ☆ EVEN MORE FRIEND DRAMA???, ☆ WHEN DOES IT END.

(this post specifically will be talking about the situationship.)

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The last time that I really posted here, it was just before Valentines Day- so that's where I'll start. In the middle of February I got a direct message from a guy I'd met in middle school, we'll call him Bee... if you get it, you get it. He'd messaged me on my art account complimenting my work, and just generally trying to make friends- which I accepted. We started talking and really got along, to which we moved on to speaking on my main account. That's when he realized who I was considering I don't post my face on my art account, and we just kind of rekindled our middle school friendship. Eventually he started flirting with me (respectfully) and asked me out on a date, considering how well we got along- I said yes. I put on my cutest clothes, did my hair- and we went on our first date. I picked him up at his house and we went to the mall, and then Barnes & Noble.

He was very respectful the whole time, he complimented my outfit and the attention to detail on my eyeliner, he held open every single door without fail, and he made me laugh with every joke. We went out on another date the next day to which he met my parents and addressed my father as "sir", which was astonishing to me (most of my other exes couldn't show that kind of respect if they were being held at gunpoint). So to say the least, things were going really well. On our second date he told me that he had a lot of friend issues going on and was afraid he was going to have to cut off most if not all of his friend group... so I invited him into my discord server. I have a server of friends in my area that I met in school or other such places, to hang out / play games.. stuff like that. Bee met my friend (for whom the sake of privacy- we will call;) Rabbit. They played a few games together in a VC, and eventually I joined just to stream me drawing and hang out. While we were still in the VC, Bee texted me saying that he just wanted to stay kind of at the point we were and didn't think that he was ready for a full relationship. He implied that he still wanted to go on dates with me and hang out, just that he didn't think he was ready for big labels yet. Despite having said the day before that he was "ready to become more" with me.

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I told him that it was fine and that I understood, because I did. Also slightly because it's rare that someone seems genuinely interested in me. I'm a plus sized goth girl in the midwest, are we surprised? Eventually Bee, Rabbit, and I got off of the phone- and about an hour after that I got a text from Rabbit. Rabbit texted me and he had asked me "Are you and Bee like together or just talking?" which I thought was a little weird. I told Rabbit that we were just talking to which he replied something along the lines of "That's weird, he seems to think that you guys are just friends" and that's when I started getting suspicious.

I kind of explained to Rabbit the situation and was like "Bee said he just isn''t ready to put labels on things, still wants to go on dates, still wants to be romantic with me" you get it. Rabbit proceeded to send me screenshots of Bee flirting with him pretty seriously, the timestamp on those screenshots were at around 6:30 pm.. when we were all still on the phone together. I quickly went to my messages with Bee and saw that he had texted me about "not wanting to put lables on things".. TWO MINUTES after sending those other messages to Rabbit. TWO MINUTES. WHILE WE WERE ALL STILL ON THE PHONE TOGETHER 💀💀💀. Rabbit didn't send me screenshots of the full conversation so Bee could've been flirting with Rabbit even BEFORE that, which was NUTS.

I started freaking out when I put two and two together and I started spiraling, I was sobbing and I was so upset that I just needed to get out of the house. I called my best friend sobbing and ended up going to her house for a while to calm down.

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This is where it somehow manages to get worst. I sent a confrontation message to Bee, and he didn't reply for another thirty minutes back and forth. He acted like he didn't know what I was talking about until I mentioned I had screenshot proof, he said "ok" and continued to not respond. I send a lot of confrontational messages along the lines of "it's crazy of you to pull some shit like this after YOU were the one interested in ME" and "Yesterday you told me you were ready to take it to the next level with me". Stuff like that. After another thirty fucking minutes he finally replied and said something like "I hope we learn things from this, probably don't date a kid with a bunch of mental disorders, Goodnight."

I told him that it would've been fine if he just wanted to be friends with me, but that lying to me so he could go after my friend was a totally different deal. Then I told him that having mental disorders wasn't an excuse for his behavior, because as far as I'm concerned.. being a cheating, lying piece of shit isn't on the list of criteria for Autism OR Schizophrenia on the DSM-5. Then I blocked him. 🤷

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Average week in the life of Olive I guess!! But yeah, thats not even HALF of what's happened to me in the last five months lmao. Wait till y'all hear what else I have in store, because everything just somehow manages to get worse.

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[vampyrdiariez]

𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 #1. ⋆｡˚🦇⛧

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1/10/24 , 8:54 AM.

It’s barely even 9AM yet and today has already been a waking nightmare.

I woke up in extreme amounts of pain as I have off and on the last two weeks; and most of my life really. I only recently found out why after years of this. I have alpha-gal, as well as being allergic to pretty much everything outside.

Managing my alpha-gal has been extremely difficult, as I still live with my parents who aren’t much help when it comes to cross contamination and other such issues. So, I am constantly exposed. Leading to frequent reactions and episodes of reaction like the one I’m having now.

Frankly it’s just exhausting having to deal with this as often as I do. Hopefully I’ll get to rest for a little bit, if not, I’m not sure.

[vampyrdiariez]

☆ -- vent entry.

𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 #5. ⋆｡˚🦇⛧

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1/5/24, 12:28 AM.

I've been in a pretty bad episode the last two days after being triggered by one of those "memories" from the photos app, I was just like "wow, okay". Because it was a screenshot of something my ex had said to me that really upset me, something that I just really didn't want to be reminded of. It just got me thinking about us, and our relationship which eventually led to me spiraling over the thought of "why did I let myself put up with that for so long?". It's because I'm so used to being treated like that, over and over again. I'm so used to giving people what they ask of me without even questioning why they want me to do it in the first place, and I just end up letting myself get hurt because I can't see the same red flags that have been presented to me time and time again- because those flags present differently every single time.

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I've grown accustomed to letting people walk all over me because part of me thinks it's better for someone to walk all over me than not walk with me at all. I continue talking to the people who have hurt me the most because I ache to keep a connection that isn't, or wasn't ever there in the first place. I'm desperate to keep those people in my life because talking to them sometimes feels so much better than never talking to them again. I keep them in my life because for some stupid reason I can't imagine my life without them in it, even if it's just me texting them a few times every week about the little things that don't even matter.

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I let so many people hurt me so bad because I thought that if I let them do whatever they wanted to me, that maybe they'd ease up a little. I thought that if they had something, someone to take it out on then maybe I could help make them better. But allowing myself to be the punching bag for people who never planned on changing in the first place just made my life a living hell. Spending my every waking moment on people who only wanted me for my kindness, because they knew that I'd just let them break me.

[vampyrdiariez]

VAMPYR DIARIEZ. 🦇⛧

┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐

personal blog. <3

he/she/they - omnisexual

☆ — spotify , carrd , insta

artist | creative writer | songwriter

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interests. <3

ghost bc, criminology, psychology, criminal minds, true crime, poetry, gothic fashion, digital art, creative writing, scrapbooking, the twilight saga, the craft movie, abnormal history, vinyls.

☆ — there’s a lot more, those are just the basics.

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before you int. <3 (esp to possible moots)

im neurodivergent and will not shut up abt my special interests if you give me an excuse to talk abt them.

i struggle with social cues / understanding social situations.

i have dark humor & make frequent trauma jokes. (abt my own trauma obviously.)

i can be very tmi without meaning to be, lol. i will say the most out of pocket shit, im so serious.

i curse like a sailor.

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tags. <3

🦇vampyr diariez - digital diary entries.

🦇vampyr talkz - rambles / just me talking

🦇vampyr radio - music

🦇vampyr writez - writing

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[vampyrdiariez]

𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 #4. ⋆｡˚🦇⛧

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1/17/24 , 12:58 PM.

I have to see my nutritionist today. That’s not a bad thing at all, it just makes me nervous.

It’s just kind of scary because I’ve had to change practically my whole diet because of my allergies, and change is difficult for me. I’ll have to talk about more food stuff with her, which stresses me out.

I’ll have to talk to her about a lot today because since changing my diet, I’ve noticed a lot of reactions n stuff. I dunno, it’s weird.

I hope things go well. ˙◠˙

[vampyrdiariez]

𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 #3. ⋆｡˚🦇⛧

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1/16/24 , 8:45 PM.

I stayed over at my best friends house last night after fucking devouring some street tacos.

He had me start watching AOT with him and I liked it a lot more than I thought I would, so I’m thinking about watching it on my own time. I haven’t watched any anime in a hot second after swearing to myself I never would again, after MHA. But maybe I’ll give anime a second chance, we’ll find out.

༺♰༻

Anyway, right now I’m waiting on my food to finish cooking. I made chicken curry with rice, and I put enough seasoning in it to take down a full grown Amish man. So, hoorah.

[vampyrdiariez]

𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 #2. ⋆｡˚🦇⛧

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1/11/24, 1:14 PM.

I actually got up in time for school today, lol. Can you believe that? 💀

Today has been fairly uneventful besides the fact I told my teacher I was going to ship him away in a box, because he tried making me draw realism to which I heavily protested. Because I hate drawing realism with a burning passion that will never die down as long as I’m alive. Realism is the bane of my existence.

༺♰༻

Anyway. I’m super tired, I haven’t gotten up that early in like a week. I was also up until like 4AM because I had my hands full with something. Someone, really. But that’s a separate issue.

I’m going to my best friends house later and will most definetly be curling up on his bed and taking a fat fucking nap.