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TW: Endos, vent, syscourse
This is not an invitation to start syscourse.
Do not start syscourse over this. Anybody who does so will be blocked immediately. I do not care who you are, DNI. If you still do, you're only proving my point more.
This is also not a syscourse blog. This is just a vent, posts will continue like normal after this.
Endogenic systems are disgusting. They are nothing more than attention-seeking weirdos who mock trauma survivors. They can never respect boundaries and DNI either. God forbid someone doesn't like those who actively harm them and people like them, and they get harassed by endos for being a normal person.
You cannot be an endo without hating real trauma survivors.
There has never been, is not, will never be another form of system that doesn't come from DID. "Tulpas" are not systems nor do they claim to be. Any system who claims to be a "tulpa" is racist, full stop.
Trauma-endo is not real. You are either not a system, or your plurality was caused by trauma. Nothing else.
Willogenic is not real. You cannot just "make a system." You are disgusting if you think that's possible. Systems can only ever form out of repeated childhood trauma, which causes the brain to never form a full identity/"self."
You cannot have roles if you are endogenic.
Protectors? What is there to protect you from? You don't have trauma. Memory holders? What memories are there to withhold? You don't have trauma. Caretakers? What is there to take care of? You don't have trauma. Alters at all? Who has the brain created to protect itself/cope from traumatic memories? You don't have trauma.
Endos mock real trauma survivors who have to deal with this disabling disorder while they can turn it on and off as they please.
Traumagenic endo supporters are no better. You mock those in your own community and make fools out of them. You cannot love the system community if you support endos. You cannot love any system if you support endos.
I say systems here, and not traumagenic. Endos will never be real systems.
Being a system and supporting endos is incredibly ironic.
Gays for Trump!
Cows for slaughterhouse!
Misogynists for Kamala!
Rats for lab testing!
Bears for bear traps!
Billionaires for taxation!
It's stupid and nothing more.
I am so, so tired of syscord. I have never seen a server more full of pro-endo systems and endos than I have the Tupperbox Support server. It's so exhausting.
If I could magically become host, I would in a heartbeat so I could get everyone away from these idiots. Alas, he clings onto that tiny server full of pro-endos and a slightly lqbtqphobic guy.
Brb, gonna pull a neo/xeno prns-only user to front and see how he reacts.
#đ.txt#reigen post#vent#sys vent#syscourse#not endo safe#anti endo#anti endogenic#endos dni#endos fuck off#endos are ableist#dni endos#actually did#did#system community#system stuff#system#dissasociative identity disorder#did stuff#dissociative identity disorder#did system#system punk#syspunk
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â« three little words (dedicate them to me), cyj
fluff, 4.8k words àšà§ oh my god they were roommates :0 sorry to any academic weapons reading, im projecting a bit as an academic failure lol
wherein it only takes you about twenty-nine years to realize you're in love with your best friend... at least you got there!
ê° requested. gender neutral reader (no pronouns or gendered terms used), reader is younger, unspecified age difference (but its implied that theyre very close in age), childhood friends to lovers, nonidol au, roommates, idiots in love, time skips, aging up, alcohol/drinking, a bit dialogue heavy, vomit is mentioned a few times, friend group ot4 ê±
Itâs hard to recall a time without Yeonjun; he appeared one day and stuck to you, almost as if he were a stubborn thorn in your side (said endearingly, of course).
It mustâve been when you were still in kindergartenâright, Yeonjun and his parents had moved in next door, and your moms both became friends and arranged a play date. Yeonjun had brought his PlayStation over and let you play it with him, so, obviously, to five-year-old you, that made the two of you best friends right away.
âAre you almost done?â Yeonjun bemoans from your bedroom floor, urging you to look up from your piles of textbooks and worksheets finally.
âNo, I told you I needed to study and that you should go to your own house, you bum. Just âcause you donât give a shit about your education doesn't mean I donât.â
âYou almost flunked last year. And youâre only studying because your mom saw you got a three out of a hundred on your algebra test,â Yeonjun deadpans, âhow do you even score that bad?â Ugh, lucky, naturally academically gifted asshole. You roll your eyes and toss a pencil at his stupid face.
âWhatever,â you grumble, itâs not your fault you canât be an academic weapon, and that school is whooping your ass instead with academics as a weapon. âI feel like my brain is about to start leaking out of my ears anyway, wanna go to yours?â
Yeonjun grins, sitting up from your floor with a start, finally regaining some of his earlier excitement before he had to wait nearly four hours (all of which were spent pestering you) while you attempted to study. âI ditched school yesterday to get a copy of Resident Evil 4 from GameStop.â
âWhat the hellâand you didnât invite me?â you whine, âThatâs cold, you better let me try it first.â
Itâs hours later into the evening when youâre watching Yeonjun attempt to get through the wretched cabin section that you died approximately⊠thirteen times trying to get through, that he says, âYou remember that guy, Taehyun, right? In my AP History class.â
âMhm,â you hum, blinking your bleary eyes at Yeonjunâs TV screen from your very comfortable spot on his couch.
âHe doesnât usually talk a whole lot to me, but today, I couldnât get him to shut up,â Yeonjun huffs a laugh as he maneuvers the character, Leon, up the stairs on screen, seemingly making it farther than you could. âHe was complaining though, âcause he was partnered with this person who was into me. He couldnât get any work done, they were just bugging him about me.â
You tear your focus from the TV to look at the side of Yeonjunâs face, you can see part of his furrowed brow and pursed lips. âOh.â
It doesnât surprise you that a lot of people seem to be interested in Yeonjun at school. In middle school, people started coming up to you, asking if youâd put in a good word for them with Yeonjun, because they âlike-likedâ him, and you were his best friend. Then, it was at the end of eighth grade that you started telling those people to grow a pair and talk to him themselves.
You suppose you kind of understand. Yeonjunâs nice when heâs not being a little shit⊠and heâs not horrible to look at, one might even say heâs good-looking.
âAre you into them?â The question seems to roll off your tongue easily, but youâre not even sure why you asked, you donât think you want to know. For some reason, thinking about it churns your stomach a bit.
â...No, I mean, theyâre pretty, but,â Yeonjun sighs, tossing his controller to the side as he dies a second time. âthey seem kinda⊠much. I dunno, Taehyun said they literally wouldnât talk to him about anything besides me the entire class. It kinda weirded me out.â
âHm, yeah.â You hum, a weird feeling of⊠relief washing over you. Yeonjunâs mom comes in to ask if youâre staying for dinner before you can think about it too hard.
Later that night, when youâre stuck staring blankly at your ceiling, you decide you were just relieved that Yeonjun wasnât going to end up with some overly possessive weirdo. Itâd suck to lose your best friend that way.
âPlease do not throw up, because if you throw up, then Iâm gonna throw up.â
âIâm not gonna throw up,â Yeonjun insists, but it doesnât sound all too credible with the way he slurs his words, maybe youâve also had too much to drink, but you swear he looks a little green. âI⊠am perfectly fine, thank you very much.â
âUhuh.â
âDonât âuhuhâ me,â Yeonjun grumbles with an attempted glare, you find that you canât take him all too seriously, though; the flush on his cheeks, his inability to keep his eyes open for more than five seconds, and his perpetual pout make it all too difficult. âOh, IâI think Iâm gonna hurl.â He braces himself against the bar, eyes suddenly more awake.
That would be the reason you end up in a grimy bathroom on your twenty-first, making sure your best friendâs hair is out of the way as he empties the contents of his stomach into a toilet bowl.
âWhyâd you drink so much, you know youâre a lightweight.â You ask when Yeonjun seems to be done, frowning as you wipe off his mouth with a paper towel.
âAm not,â he protests petulantly. âI was justâI just felt like it âcause I thought itâd make me feel better ând I could stop thinking about other shit.â
âDid something happen?â
â...I stopped seeing that person I told you about.â
âWhy? I thought it was going well?â âWellâ might be a bit of an overstatement. Like most of Yeonjunâs partners, you didnât hear a whole lot about this new one, met them once for a brief moment, then didnât hear of them again. It seems to be a common theme in Yeonjunâs relationshipsâhis fleeting interest, you havenât figured out if you should say anything about it.
âIt was just, um. âM not over someoneâŠ. I didnât feel right staying in a relationship knowing Iâm still not over someone else.â
Oddly enough, that felt rather sobering to hear. You hum, stomach feeling a little offâyou hope you arenât going to throw up next⊠âYou havenât told me about that, wanna talk about it? It might feel better than drinking too much and throwing up in a disgusting bathroom. Donât quote me on that, though.â
Yeonjun blinks slowly, then chuckles, âIâll tell you about it some other time, I just really want to be in bed right now.â
Instead of getting an Uber or something, you trudge down the sidewalk with a clingier-than-usual Yeonjun, who barely manages to walk in a straight line. You internally celebrate when your apartment building comes into view; one of you seriously needs to get a car.
You have to convince Yeonjun to shower before you, almost like a petulant child.Â
And apparently, wanting to be in bed means taking up most of your mattress and hogging your blankets for the night, because when you finish showering, you return to your room to find your bed occupied. You could just steal Yeonjunâs bed for the night⊠but you end up just crawling into bed beside him, listlessly trying to reclaim your covers.
He never ended up telling you about this mystery person heâs not over.
âI just donât think itâs going to work out.â You sigh.
âBut why? I thought things between us were going great, Iââ
âIâm sorry, I just donât see this relationship progressing any further.â
âBut, IâI told my mom about you! You canât leave me, I love you!â
âUgh, you asshole,â you cry out as Yeonjun pretends to cry hysterically and shakes you by your shoulders, âYouâre supposed to be taking this seriously and helping me!â
Yeonjun cackles as you shove him away, âI mean he could react like that, couldnât he?â Then, he sighs and places his hands on your shouldersânot shaking you this time. âOkay, seriously, itâs going to be fine, youâll be in a public space, so worst case scenario, he embarrasses himself.â
âYouâre right⊠ugh, Iâm gonna be late.â
âYouâre the one who wanted to rehearse the conversation again.â
Before sending you off, Yeonjun smushes your face, cooing, âOkay, go dump your boyfriend, my duckling, Iâll be waiting here with takeout and beer.â
âYou are a grown-ass man.â You deadpan before youâre finally off.
Itâs been a good few months since you started seeing this new guyâhis nameâs Mark, you realized you liked him enough to make things more official after several good dates. But, youâve already been considering breaking things off with him for a while now; you seem to have this recurring issue when it comes to relationships⊠You just canât seem to envision a future that includes your partner, even when itâs going well you ultimately lose interest.
Mark seems like a good guy, too, which makes you feel worse, but itâd be even worse to just lead him on, right? Thatâs what you continue reminding yourself as you trudge into a nice cafĂ© that will be tainted by the memory of you dumping a nice guy for the rest of your life. Youâll never be able to enjoy the sweet treats of âArcadiaâ ever again.
âHey, there you are,â Mark smiles as you take the seat across from him.
âYeah, uh, sorry, I had to help my roommate out.â A fib, even though your mother tells you honesty is the best policy. Well, she lied about Santa and the tooth fairy; besides, your fib sounds nicer than âI was rehearsing how to break up with you with my best friendâ.
âNo worries.â
âUm,â itâs better to just get it over with, you remind yourself, just rip the bandaid off, âso, I wanted to talk to you.â
âUh oh, that doesnât sound too good,â Mark chuckles, then clears his throat and continues when you donât laugh, âWhatâs up?â
With a deep breath, you let it spill out all at once, âI donât think this is going to work out, I just donât see usâthis relationship going any further. Iâm sorry and I hope you can understand.â Okay, that wasnât too scary, if youâre ignoring your shaky, clammy palms against your knees.
Mark nods, then looks down at his lap, then back at you, âI guess I shouldâve seen it coming, I mean, Iâve seen the way you and your roommate look at each other.â
âUh⊠you what?â
âYou donât have to play dumb about it, itâs obvious the both of you are in love. Guess I just liked you so much I hoped I could change your mind.â Mark sighs, âI think Iâm gonna⊠go, sorry.â He says, then leaves you to spiral.
âObvious the both of you are in loveâ? You and Yeonjun? Thatâs ridiculous, right?
Leaving what was once your favorite cafĂ© in a daze, youâre suddenly glad that youâd decided to walk instead of drive; you barely register entering your apartment complex, and unlocking your door.
âHey,â Yeonjun is on the couch, takeout and a pack of beer spread on the coffee table as promised, âhowâd it go?â
âIt went fine,â you say with a smile that doesnât quite make its way to your eyes, âhe took it as well as he could have.â Itâs weird, that you donât just word vomit out every small detail, like you tend to with Yeonjun. But somehow, something about divulging everything feels weirder, so in a rare twist of events, you keep quiet.
Seemingly taking the hint that thatâs going to be all you say for the time being, Yeonjun changes the topic, âGo change so we can eat, the new episode of The Vampire Diaries is literally about to start in like two seconds.â
âWhat the hell! I didnât think I was gone for that long!â You shriek and make a run for it to your room to change out of your outside clothes.
Yeonjun snorts when you return, plopping onto the couch while trying to catch your breath. âI lied, thereâs still like half an hour.â
âYouâre such an asshole,â you hiss, and pummel him with the nearest throw pillow.
âIâm starting to think Iâm gonna end up alone,â with a grunt, you tug your blanket up higher, âwhyâre we both so bad at relationships?â
âRude,â Yeonjun flicks your forehead, and if you werenât so cozy, full of food, and three cans of beer drunker, you mightâve sat up to take your revenge. But alas, moving even a mere inch feels like a herculean effort.
âYouâre rude,â you stick your tongue out at him childishly. âYâknow I didnât mean it like that, though, right?â
âI know.â
âMm. MaybeâŠâ You focus your bleary eyes on Yeonjunâs face above you. Even from this unfortunate angle, from where your head rests on his lap, he looks so⊠âIf weâre not⊠If weâre still single by the time weâre thirty-four, I think we should just marry each other.â
Yeonjun laughs, âOkay, I think itâs bedtime, donât you have work in the morning?â
If you hadnât fallen asleep right then, you mightâve clapped back with a witty response, or you mightâve sat up, and looked at Yeonjun dead in the eyes and told him that you were serious.
âNo, Mom, I am still not in a relationship,â you pause, then sigh, âYes, I know Iâm not getting any younger. And, no, Iâm not gonnaâwait, what?â
âYou heard me, I asked when youâre going to give in and just marry Yeonjun. I like him, heâd be a nice son-in-law, he practically already is at this point!â
Only mothers would have the audacity. You have to pull your phone away from your ear to stare at the outgoing call screen in astonishment. âWhat⊠are you talking about?â You ask when you bring your phone back to your ear.
âOh, câmon. Youâve been living together since you were what, nineteen? Neither of you dates anymore, you spend all your free time togetherâŠYou may as well get hitched at this point, instead of denying your poor mother the opportunity of watching her child get married any longer.â
You perk up at the call of your name, seeing two of your coworkers rush over, âHeyârandom questionâhow early do you think is too early to get engaged? Liaâs only been with her partner for like three months, and theyâre already engaged! Youâve been with your boyfriend for years, right? And neither of you has proposed?â
âUh? My⊠boyfriend?â
âYeah? Your boyfriend, his nameâs Yeonjun, right?â
âOh, heâs not my⊠Heâs just my best friend.â Youâre not sure whatâs more embarrassing, the fact that all this time, it seemed like you and Yeonjun were dating, or having to tell two of your coworkers that you are actually painfully single. It doesnât make it any better that the majority of your coworkers, while nice, are known for gossipingâall mostly harmless.
You expect your mother to make you feel bad about your relationship status (out of love), but not your coworkers.
âItâs weird, lately, Iâve realized that people think me and Yeonjun are togetherâŠ? My mom even told me to just go and marry him, like?â
âOh, you poor sweet summer childâŠâ
âHave you still seriously not realized?â Taehyun pipes up beside Kai who regards you with a pitiful look. Whatâs up with everyone lately? Youâre starting to feel like youâre the only one missing something.
âRealized what?â
âOh, youâre hopeless.â Taehyun laments, looking as if heâs about ready to tear his hair out or reach across the dining table to knock some sense into you.
Ideally, youâd like to think youâre not at all oblivious. But, after many strange occurrences, you canât help but consider: that youâve never properly thought of Yeonjun that wayâin a romantic sense. Heâs always just been Yeonjun; the only person who you know for a fact you can trust with anything, and the only person who will stick with you despite all of your bullshit, like a stubborn thorn you canât seem to be rid of (not that thatâs an issue). Heâs your everything, really.
When you imagine your future, you always see him fit in there somehowâbut it occurs to you that as someone whoâs never had a complete interest in marriage, or any romantic relationships for a long time for that matter, you could imagine walking down the aisle with Yeonjun, and more. Not only that, but you like imagining it.
Oh.
How dense can one be to fail to realize theyâve been in love with their best friend all this time? After nearly three decades of friendship, itâs seriously taken you this long to get to this conclusion? All those failed relationships you tried so hard to make work, it was all for nothing, because you couldnât realize what you felt for what you already had! So much time wastedâŠ
âAre you feeling okay?â Yeonjun apparates beside you, a palm carefully tracing circles over your upper back.
You feel bad for how you jolt away from him, seeing the surprise and mild hurt pass over his features in a split second. If you didnât know Yeonjun like the back of your hand, you mightâve missed it. â...Sorry, I dunnoâIâve been kind of out of it lately, I think I just need to relax.â
âYou havenât been overworking yourself again, have you?â
âNoâŠâ
Yeonjun gives you a look as though he doesnât quite believe you, but drops it. This time, you donât jump away like frightened prey when he touches youâwraps around your side. âLetâs watch something tonight? Iâve been hearing about this new Kdrama called âMy Demonâ.â
âThat sounds straight out of Wattpad⊠Iâll order the food.â
âHappy birthday,â Yeonjun sings as he saunters into your bedroom at⊠way too early in the morning. But allâs forgiven with the realization he comes bearing giftsâfood. âWhatâs that, thirty-four punches Iâm gonna have to give you, now? Fuck, youâre old,â he says as he sets down a delectable-looking plate of your favorite breakfast on your nightstand.
âShut up, youâre older than me.â You narrow your eyes, sitting up to reach for your birthday breakfast.
âAnd if you punch me thirty-four times, you will not live to see another day, Choi.â
Getting older has meant that your birthdays have become a lot less eventful, but you havenât quite minded it. Theyâre spent with your favorite person, anyway, so no complaints on your end.
Yet, somehow, you end up on a beach on the night of your birthday, sitting on a beach towel Yeonjun had neatly spread out and admiring the night sky. Youâd had a simple plan to laze around at home all day, eat something good for dinner, drink a little more than you should, and then sleep like the dead. However, Yeonjun had other plans when heâd announced the night before that he was taking you on a day trip the next morning. âItâs only a six-hour driveâ, heâd said, because heâs insane.
You suppose you had a little more to your original plan⊠you guess you also intended to profess your newly realized love for your best friend, and potentially ruin about twenty-nine years of friendship if things happened to go wayward. Well, you still intend on getting that over with.
âHappy birthday,â Yeonjun says once more, as he returns from the car with an unopened bottle of wine and two wine glasses. Huh, you guess thatâs why he took so long to grab something to drink from the âcoolerâ, actually... do either of you even own a cooler? âBetter appreciate this wine, it was pricey.â
âI distinctly recall telling you not to spend much on me this year,â you sigh, but youâre staring down the bottle, âand you already arranged this impromptu trip.â
âWell, I wanted to, itâs not every day you turn thirty-four.â Yeonjun doesnât add anything else, as he hands you the bottle of wine; you decide not to call out how he canât meet your eyes properly.
Cabernet Sauvignon 1999, the bottle reads. You donât know much about wineâyouâre not that old yetâjust that it usually tastes good. âIs it good? I donât think Iâve tried Cabernet Sauvignon, have I?â
âYou havenât, I think youâll like it. It wouldâve gone well with dinner.â
You hum, taking a corkscrew handed to you, as Yeonjun takes a seat beside you.
A couple of glasses later, you blurt, âThanks. For thisâthe trip, dinner. And the wine. I like it a lot.â Itâs not quite what youâd meant to say, in such a stilted manner. You guess you need a little more liquid courage, as you pour yourself another glass.
âI can tell, thatâs like your third glass.â
âShut up,â you grumble, as Yeonjun snorts into his glass. Cheeks warming, you start internally motivating yourselfâif being alive for thirty-four years has taught you anything, itâs that everythingâs worth a shot. You miss a hundred of the shots you donât take⊠or whatever the saying is. âDo you remember that time I said we should just marry each other if weâre still single by thirty-four?â
After a pause, Yeonjun raises a brow, âYes?â
âIâm surprised you remember that, considering you passed out right after⊠Are you saying we should get married, then?â Something passes over his features before he turns to you, and laughs something that isnât exactly humorous, âI think that might be enough wine for you.â
âIâve only had two glasses.â
âTwo-and-a-half,â you correct after glancing down at your half-full glass. âIâm not drunk, maybe a teensy bit tipsy, butâfuck, thatâs not the point.â
âWhat is the point youâre trying to make then? Yeonjun laughs, it almost looks like that familiar glint has returned to his eyes. Youâd appreciate it if you werenât about to implode.
âI, uh,â you clear your throat. Yeonjun continues to regard you with amusement; you vaguely wonder if heâll still be amused once you manage to get the wordsâyour confession out, or if youâll go and ruin everything because of some stupid feelings. âFuck, this is kinda difficult.â
âOkay, um,â maintaining eye contact is a test of your mental strength, which is why you avert your gaze even though youâve turned to face Yeonjun, as you utter your next sentence, âSo, itâs taken me an embarrassingly long time to realize that Iâve, uh, sort of, kind of been in love with you for probably forever. No, Iââ
âIâm in love with you,â you rephrase more confidently, yet you end up shrinking in on yourself when the only response you receive is Yeonjun blinking blankly at you. âSo, um, you could say something⊠right about now. Like, you hate me and are kicking me out? Well, ideally, you could say that you feel the same andââ
âBreathe,â Yeonjun reaches over to squeeze your clammy hand. Taking a breath as instructed, you realize you have not been breathing properly since you began speaking. âI was justâyouâre being serious? You arenât just drunk, and you arenât fucking with me?â
âTwo-and-a-half glasses, Iâm tipsy at worst,â you reiterate, âand Iâm not fucking with you either.â
âOh.â Yeonjun breathes, which does nothing to assuage the anxiety that feels like it might have colored your face pallid, as it incessantly knocks against your ribcage.
âOh? Câmon man, I just confessed my love to you, give me a little more than âOhâ, Iâm nervous as shit right now.â
âSorry, I was justâŠâ Yeonjun laughs, the asshole laughs. âWe really are best friends, huh? I spent all week trying to figure out how to make your birthday special, and confess my love to you at the end of the night. And here you are, beating me to it.â
âYou⊠oh.â
âCâmon man, give me a little more than âOhâ, I just told you your love is reciprocated,â Yeonjun laughs as he repeats your previous words, teasing, âIâm nervous as shit, too.â
So, you down the rest of your glass before setting it aside and scooting too close for comfort, and ask, âCan I kiss you?â Because if thirty-four years of life has taught you anything, itâs to not waste any more time.
âUh⊠yes.â Yeonjunâs widened eyes dart from both of your eyes, to your lips, and back.
And, so, you close the distance to kiss him.Â
Maybe itâs not magical, maybe you donât feel any supposed sparks or fireworks. But it feels right, like itâs meant to be as you cup Yeonjunâs cheek and shift to curl your hand around his nape. It feels like caressing the petals of a burgundy rose.
(âHave you just always known you loved me? Even when I threw up on you the first time we got drunk?â You ask, a few hours, and a couple more glasses of wine later.
âEw, but yes, I knew I loved you even then.â
â...Huh. Would you still love me if a witch cursed me and I turned into a worm tomorrow?â
Yeonjun snorts, âA worm?â then he hums in thought, âI would buy the biggest terrarium, and the nicest dirt I can find, and take care of you. Iâd find the witch and make her turn you back into a lovely human, too.â
âGood answer,â you smile, leaning over to kiss Yeonjun again, he tastes a little like remnants of Cabernet Sauvignon, deep and red, urging you to kiss him a little deeper. âI love you,â you whisper against his lips when you part.)
Upon thinking about it, not much changes between you and Yeonjun; apart from the kissing, consistently sharing a bed, sober I love youâs, and the other âunnecessary PDAâ, as Taehyun so kindly put it, while Soobin had fixed the two of you with a disgusted look (you know that deep down somewhere, heâs happy for you both), and Beomgyu shot a thumbs up before going back to hogging the cookies Soobin bakedâKai was more focused on trying to steal some cookies, which he managed.
Your mother had practically wept out of joy when you told her the news, âIâm going to see my baby get married! I thought the day would never come!â sheâd cried out, and rushed to tell anyone that would listen to her. Overdramatic, and a little hurtful, by the way⊠You didnât even say anything about marriage, either!
âHm?â You reluctantly blink your eyes open at the call of your name, to see Yeonjun looking at you with a suspicious grin on his face.
âI love you.â
â...What did you do? I love you too, though, even if I have to become an accomplice.â
âI didnât do anything bad, I just love you.â
âMm, you loser. I love you more.â
âHm, are you sure about that?â Yeonjun hums, your eyes follow him as he sits up and reaches for something from his nightstand, ââCause I think I love you more? So much that Iâm asking if youâd do me the honor of marrying me.â He says so casually, contrasting how he carefully opens a small, velvety box. It gives a quiet creak as it pops open, revealing a simple silver band. A ring. An engagement ring.
After blinking the fatigue out of your eyes, and confirming that youâre not seeing or hearing things, you sit up with a start, âYouâ
âYou dick, why would you propose to me while Iâm half-asleep?!â
âWell, if you said no, I couldâve just written it off as you being tired and mishearing me⊠Iâll get you a nicer wedding ring, too, if you say yes, that is. Well, I already have oneââ
Yeonjun grunts as you throw yourself onto him, âYouâre such an idiot, I love you. Yes, Iâll marry you, thereâs no question about it.â
You canât recall the moment you started loving Yeonjun; maybe it was the day you met and he let you play his PlayStation. Maybe it was in middle school when more people started to see him, or maybe it was in high schoolâŠ
Maybe you canât pinpoint the exact moment, maybe youâve just always loved Yeonjun. Itâd be hard not to love him; heâs as beautiful as a white roseâinside and outâone that youâd pluck from the dirt with your bare hands, thorns and all, just to keep to yourself, even if for a little while. Maybe thatâs selfish, but you think that doesnât have to be a bad thing.
You part from Yeonjun as your friends and family cheering fills your ears. Feeling like words canât do your feelings in that moment justice, you kiss him once more, in hopes to convey them a little better.
âI know. I love you,â he says, because he knows you best.
Grinning so happily that your cheeks begin to ache, you properly part from Yeonjun this time, and walk hand-in-hand down the aisle.
#ê° đ ê± new message!#choi yeonjun x reader#yeonjun x reader#txt x reader#kpop x reader#txt x gender neutral reader#x gender neutral reader#gn reader#yeonjun x gn reader#choi yeonjun x you#kpop x you#txt x you#fluff#txt fluff#yeonjun fluff#kpop fluff#kpop x gender neutral reader#x gn reader
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Iâm an est time boy I woke up and now itâs past midnight. BUT I wanted to follow up on my excitement post !!!
Just transition/top surgery talk
I literally called in with the surgeons office to confirm coverage and jeez Louis they confirmed AND were even READY to book me in for December. I mean nobody was kidding in those reviews saying the surgeons team was QUICK. đ only thing stopping me is that
1. My momma: She knowsss Iâm a dude but is the âwait until youâre 25â side to do anything. This is her insurance Iâm using that has amazing benefits. Soon as I turn 20 or 21 at most Iâm getting this done and keeping hush hush abt it.
2. This place is 2 hours away, but Iâm hoping I get a hand me down car like planned đ§đŸlike I HAVE the resources and had been researching and saving for over 2 years at this point âŠIâll be ready to actually start in 2026 hopefully
3. The secrecy and having a plan for not letting family know. Momâs the only person I came out to by accident but her and the others but itâs a bad idea letting them know. Their opinions will get in my head and this whole ride Iâve been dealing with my own voice, I donât want more while Iâm planning to go under
#đ â txt#ignore the goal in the jar-#I got this though Iâll get through it đȘđœđȘđœ#that wouldâve been my original if I wasnât in network#but Iâve definitely been saving - and if I keep it up I COULD raise 14k by summer 2026#ALSO MAYOO (đ») I GOTCHU- OH AND I ADORE THE TAG OF MEE I SAW IT!!! đ„čđ„čâ€ïžâ€ïž TYYY I love my sandman I would have the sand thingymabob#< its exactly gaara and i love it đđđ«¶đœđ«¶đœ
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tumbly user cherrifire gotta be the strongest soldier out there if i was told some juicy deets about the latest session my ass would NOT be able to shut up âŒïž
#like COME ONN#âoh yeah such and such died this ses-â me omw to call the first person who came to mind đ đ¶#idk what posessed me while writing this#[.txt]#secret life
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System culture is not recognizing an alter on pk and looking them up and going "ohhh, that bitch,"
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i am actually going insane should i make a smau or what, i have absolutely nothingh in mind and im thinking about adding bonedo and zb1 as a groups im writing for, i am too lazy to do anything but i still want to try and write something just so that i have something on this account,,, i completely ghosted my other account after a while since it was getting harder for me to write and since i was writing on a secondary account it made me soooo lazy đđ
I actually really need to try and have the motivation to write something or ill probably just ghost this account like my first fic account đđ
maybe i should write for x1 or nam dohyon but i barely see any nam dohyon or just x1 fans here in general âčïžđ„Č
#YUâs rambling â đ#im too lazy#donât know why im even trying to write still since my time management is complete SHITT#hopefully by tomorrow i can get a fic done just so im able to post something on here and probably not posr something for another month đđ#if lazy was a person itâd be me!!!#p1harmony#txt#p1h#tomorrow x together#zb1#zerobase1#zerobaseone#txt x reader#p1h x reader#bnd#boynextdoor#bnd x reader#boynextdoor x reader#zb1 x reader#zerobaseone x reader
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I know the âvoicemailsâ I write arenât very much, but if anyone wants to request a âvoicemailâ please do !!
(if you donât know what im talking about click the đ â VOICEMAIL hashtag below âŹïž)
ive only got two written so far , and they are both stray kids, but im willing to write for the other groups I write for (seventeen , tomorrow by together , stray kids , ateez , enhypen )
#đ â VOICEMAILS#stray kids x reader#stray kids imagines#stray kids#seventeen x reader#seventeen#seventeen imagines#txt imagines#txt x reader#txt#tomorrow x together#ateez#ateez imagines#ateez x reader#enhypen x reader#enhypen#enhypen imagines
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I feel myself going to tip over.
To lose myself completely without an ounce of your embrace.
Sweetheart, won't you save me from all this horrible, unsufferable pain?
I need you, even if just a piece. Even if it means I have to tear you whole to satisfy myself.
Shh, don't fret. I'll kiss away the pain. Please don't mind the blood upon my lips or hands. We're together again now. Please don't cry anymore, my dear.
#đ.txt#yandere thoughts#yandere writing#yandere vent#possessive yandere#abandonment#violence cw#letters
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Surprisingly enough, the memory issues and gaps in memory don't scare us that much. We've been dealing with it for as long as we can remember (ironic) and always thought that it was normal. It was only until later, when we found out about DID, that we realized, "Ohhhh.. That's not normal..."
Besides, half of the time we don't even remember we don't remember. Can't be afraid of something you don't know exists, right?
#đ.txt#reigen post#did system#actually did#did stuff#did community#did osdd#did#dissasociative identity disorder#system#system stuff#traumagenic system#system punk#syspunk#endos fuck off#endos are ableist#endos aren't real#not endo safe#endos dni#anti endo#dni endos#endos not for you#anti endogenic
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iâll read this tmrw
hopelessly devoted. â choi beomgyu x fem!reader
status on-going (230619 - ?)
schedule weekdays
cw/genre swearing, twt humor bc twt humor, lots of bantering between friends, slowish burn ??, slice of life, romcom, probably gonna be corny hfdjjz, social media au w/ written parts, also pls ignore time stamps they're not important nor accurate lol
synopsis choi beomgyu has spent his entire senior year slacking off and causing mischief. but, due to his inattentiveness, his slacking off went too far and if he doesn't improve the grade in his literature class he'll guarantee himself a seat in summer school. yn has big dreams to be on stage and star on broadway. however, she needs to impress recruiters with one last production as the lead in order to earn herself a spot in a new york based school. when beomgyu's literature teacher makes him join their drama club for extra credit, their futures quickly become intertwined and dependent on each other.
featuring le sserafim members, hanni (newjeans), bahiyyih (kep1er), ocs, and mentions of others
taglist OPEN (2 SPOTS LEFT)
send an ask to be included on the taglist :))
profiles four and a half girls, the nba (benchwarmers), others
note my first social media au on tumblr !! hopefully it's an enjoyable read :')) i have so many ideas for txt aus i can't wait to share them! i'm most excited to share this beomgyu one so i hope you all enjoy âĄïž - yuri
Table of Contents
01. report and block soobin
02. nyu decision day
03. second review
04. spring production (written+)
05. i'm sandy
06. auditions (written)
07. cast list from hell
08. wtf mr. kim (written)
09. welcome to hell
10. first read through
11. perfect harmony (written+)
12. itâs just a little infatuation
13. itâs just coffee
14. annoying friends (written+)
15. cruel and unusual punishment
16. the deal
17. shameless
18. very interesting
19. it comes so naturally
20. awfully close
21. please believe me
22. predicament
23. nopenopenope
24. iâll kick you
25. itâs just a kiss (written+)
26. itâs called method acting
27. long time no talk
28. apology(?)
29. focus on me (written)
30. beomie
31. i never said that
32. yeonjun and soojung
33. soulmates
34. youâre the one that i want (written)
35. mixed feelings
36. everybody talks
37. yunjinâs plan
38. baby jungie
39. i donât feel so good
40. youâre not who i thought you were
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Tomorrow is me & gaaraâs anniversary AAAA- I donât think Iâll finish art in time. Still , Iâm very cheesy and all mushy donât look at mee. đ„șđ©·đ
Tho does anyone have ideas for other ways to celebrate? đđœ
#đ â txt#most of the day Iâll probs read fanfic and listen to audios#my heart HURTS I love him so much
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request rules â status : open
1:00 PM currently taking requests for: enhypen, txt, and zerobaseone.
2:00 PM writing male (cisgender & trans), and gender-neutral/non-binary reader inserts!
3:00 PM open to writing any genre or au, except for smut (suggestive stuff is fine with me though)!
4:00 PM please be as specific as you'd like when requesting! tell me what genre you want, if you'd like an au, and give me a brief plot/summary/prompt! i default to second person pov, but can try to write in third person if requested!
5:00 PM i'm definitely not comfortable writing: female reader, smut, age regression, headcannons or reactions, anything suggestive for han yujin, or anything super suggestive for park gunwook (zerobaseone) and nishimura riki (enhypen).
5:20 PM platonic pairings are preferred for yujin, for romantic pairings it will be heavily implied/outright stated that the reader is no more than one year older than him.
5:28 PM for romantic pairings with gunwook and niki it will be heavily implied/outright stated that the reader is no more than one year older than them!
6:00 PM feel free to send me an ask if you have any questions!
#ê° đ ê± navi!#kpop x reader#kpop x male reader#kpop x gender neutral reader#enhypen x reader#enhypen x male reader#enhypen x gender neutral reader#txt x reader#txt x male reader#txt x gender neutral reader#zb1 x reader#zb1 x male reader#zerobaseone x reader#zerobaseone x male reader
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tags.
navigation: đȘă. . ăplanet of loveă!
shit posts / spam: (>ăâ)ă. . ăjun shut up ă?
my writing: đčă. . ăby jună!
caught in 4k moments: đ€ă. . ălovezoneă!
fic reblogs: đœïžă. . ăfeatured films ă!
queue: đ§ă. . ăon the airă!
inbox: đă. . ăyou calledă?
( Ë á”Ë(Ëá” Ë )ă:ămutual / emoji anons.
àŹ (ăËá”Ë)ă:ăanon / username.
#đȘă. . ăplanet of loveă!#đă. . ăyou calledă?#(>ăâ)ă. . ăjun shut up ă?#đčă. . ăby jună!#đœïžă. . ăfeatured films ă!#đ§ă. . ăon the airă!#; skz.#; txt.#; smau.#; fluff.#; crack.#; angst.#; zb1.#; svt.#; longfic (5k<)#đ€ă. . ălovezone ă!
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3rd day without internet and im going crazy
i cant even write because when the wifi does come on its so bad đđ
#yuâs rambling â đ#xikers#boynextdoor#p1harmony#txt#WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG#I NEED INTERNETTT#I NEED WIFI#PLSSSS
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*Taps mic* Adding onto this... *Feedback* Hold on... *Tap tap* Okay there we go.
Queer people should not have to fit into a little box for you. You do not have to fit yourself into a little box for Cishets. No matter how far right you are, how transphobic and homophobic you are to your own community, they will not like you any more.
No matter how "normal" you present yourself, there will always be something wrong with you to them; take that one trans girl for example. She was extremely far right, extremely lqbtqphobic to her own community, and couldn't shut up about how trans women "weren't real women." They still hated her because she was trans.
Express yourself however you please. They'll hate you all the same, so what does it matter? Be transmasc and wear skirts and bows and everything feminine. Be transfem and dress like a 40 year old white man who only gets the weekends with the kids. Use the name Arson. Put that pupgender flag on your profile. Use mew/beep/âïž pronouns. Dye your hair rainbow and get those piercings. Have blue hair and pronouns. You don't owe anybody anything. It is not your job to make yourself palatable for anybody. Express yourself exactly how you want to. Thank you for listening. *floats away*
*Taps mic* I just think queer people shouldnât have to make themselves palatable to cishets. Is this thing on.
You shouldnât have to tell people âIâm [lgbtq] but Iâm not one of those people whoâll shove it down your throatâ because lgbtqphobic people donât cherrypick and go âyeah this fag is fine because he pretends to be hetero but THIS ONE?? Who OPENLY TALKS about being a fag?? Kill that man in specificâ. Can anyone hear me
Iâm gonna repeat this until the day I die but being more normal about something is not some ticket to superiority. Congratulations youâre a queer that doesnât talk about it. Youâre still affected by any lgbtq bans or anything like that and when people hate queers youâre still part of that. Learn to coexist with your freaks because we sink or we swim together. Yes you should at least tolerate and not talk down about the kinksters or the bright rainbow hair people or the extremely flamboyant men or the extremely masculine women or the trans people that discuss being trans I donât care if youâre the most cishet passing person in the world. Is anybody listening *gets dragged off stage by 17 armed forces*
#đ.txt#reigen reblog#lgbtqia#lgbtq#transgender#gay#lesbian#asexual#aromantic#all the other identities sorry#i will stand by this#dissasociative identity disorder#did stuff#actually did#did osdd#did system#did community#did#traumagenic system#system stuff#system#system punk#syspunk#endos are ableist#endos fuck off#anti endogenic#endos dni#anti endo
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