#I got this though I’ll get through it 💪🏽💪🏽

[jone3y]

I’m an est time boy I woke up and now it’s past midnight. BUT I wanted to follow up on my excitement post !!!

Just transition/top surgery talk

I literally called in with the surgeons office to confirm coverage and jeez Louis they confirmed AND were even READY to book me in for December. I mean nobody was kidding in those reviews saying the surgeons team was QUICK. 😭 only thing stopping me is that

1. My momma: She knowsss I’m a dude but is the “wait until you’re 25” side to do anything. This is her insurance I’m using that has amazing benefits. Soon as I turn 20 or 21 at most I’m getting this done and keeping hush hush abt it.

2. This place is 2 hours away, but I’m hoping I get a hand me down car like planned 🧍🏾like I HAVE the resources and had been researching and saving for over 2 years at this point …I’ll be ready to actually start in 2026 hopefully

3. The secrecy and having a plan for not letting family know. Mom’s the only person I came out to by accident but her and the others but it’s a bad idea letting them know. Their opinions will get in my head and this whole ride I’ve been dealing with my own voice, I don’t want more while I’m planning to go under

[ihadmysightsetonyourightaway]

All day my anxiety has been contained and I have been feeling bran new lmao 😂

Then when my mom got back to her house tonight my hands started getting clammy asf, body started feeling tense and I started feeling hella overwhelmed like an attack was begging to come on, felt like I needed to take one of my lorazepam pills but I worked through it. 😬💪🏽

Here I am sitting here blaming the one cup of coffee I had & two joints my mom smoked with me. Then my mom sits here and says “maybe it’s me who makes you feel that way. Cause before I was told that my mom was the problem when I was in therapy”

That got me in a chokehold cause maybe she is onto something here that I never looked into. Fml mommy no 😭 though I can understand why, my whole childhood is basically blacked out and I can only remember clips lmfao.

Guess I’ll know for sure when I go back home to my house.

Though again she could have just said that shit to trigger my thoughts and make me think like crazy for her own amusement which is hella draining.

HERES AN UPDATE.

So about what felt like forever, (probably was only 15 minutes or so)

I went to the washroom. Sat down behind closed doors and my tension feeling went away, I felt calmer and more relaxed. 😭💀

Like wtf. wtf. wtf?? Definitely something there.

Chilling in my bed rn gonna start my journaling cause I need to write this down.

Definitely gonna be setting up an appointment with my therapist about this one.