#🐕 humor

[funnyposts101]

The 10 Reasons Why Puppies Are Secretly Running the World (And Why We Should Let Them)

Let’s be honest—puppies are the true masterminds behind global affairs, and we're all just too distracted by their fluffy cuteness to notice. But what if I told you that behind those innocent eyes is a grand scheme to dominate our lives, one belly rub at a time? Here’s the hard-hitting truth you didn’t know you needed.

1. Puppy Eyes Are a Form of Mind Control

When puppies give you those big, soulful eyes, it’s not just adorable—it’s powerful. That look is their way of bending you to their will. "Oh, you wanted to binge-watch your favorite show? Not anymore. You’re now committed to three hours of fetch."

2. Puppies Are Training Us, Not the Other Way Around

We all think we’re teaching puppies basic commands like "sit" or "stay," but who’s really learning here? Let’s face it—you’re the one who’s been trained to dish out treats every time they do something mildly cute.

3. They’ve Perfected the Art of Distraction

If you think about it, every time something big happens in the world, a puppy video goes viral. Coincidence? I think not. Those little fluffballs are out there working overtime to keep us mesmerized while they pull the strings behind the scenes. Suddenly, all our world’s problems seem a little less pressing when you’re watching a puppy struggling to climb the stairs.

4. Puppy Cuteness Is a Form of Currency

Forget dollars and bitcoin—the real valuable asset is a puppy's cuteness. It’s like they have a never-ending supply of adorability that we just keep investing in. Think about how many times you’ve bartered your time and dignity just to pet a puppy. Now multiply that by the number of humans who’ve done the same. That’s a lot of transactions.

5. Sleep Is for the Weak—Or So Puppies Tell Us

Puppies operate on their own sleep schedule, and if you happen to live with one, guess what? You do too now. They’ll have you up at 3 a.m. for an emergency potty break and then decide 7 a.m. is the perfect time to chew on your favorite shoes. They're slowly breaking down our resistance, one interrupted REM cycle at a time.

6. Puppies Can Get Away with Anything

Let’s be real: if you tracked muddy paw prints across the carpet, you'd get yelled at. If a puppy does it, you’ll probably just say something like, “Oh, you’re such a little rascal, aren’t you?” They’ve figured out how to bypass consequences entirely. This is a skill that even top politicians have yet to master.

7. Puppy Barking Is Basically Free Speech

When a puppy barks, it doesn’t matter what they’re saying—it’s automatically important. They could be barking at a leaf, a shadow, or nothing at all, and you’ll still respond like it’s a matter of national security. “What is it, buddy? What do you see?” Congratulations, you’ve just been manipulated into giving a full reconnaissance briefing to a creature who thinks its reflection is another dog.

8. The Conspiracy of "Puppy Breath"

There’s no logical explanation for why puppy breath smells the way it does. It’s like a magical potion designed to render us powerless. You can’t say no to a puppy when it gives you that breathy little lick on your cheek. It’s probably laced with some form of hypnotic agent. We’ll never know.

9. They’re Slowly Reducing Our Productivity

Puppies have mastered the art of looking so cute that you forget what you were doing in the first place. You sit down to work, but then you glance over and see your puppy sleeping in a cute little ball. An hour later, you’re still watching it twitch in its sleep, and your deadlines are nothing but a distant memory. Puppies: 1, Productivity: 0.

10. World Domination Through Social Media

Puppies are the real influencers, and we’re all just living in their world. The moment a puppy appears in a photo or video, it automatically gets 1,000 more likes than anything else you’ve ever posted. They’ve figured out how to monopolize our social media feeds, making us willingly share their images and videos with the rest of the world. It’s only a matter of time before the internet is 100% puppy content, and honestly, we’re okay with it.

In Conclusion: Let the Puppies Win

At this point, it’s clear that puppies are already running the world—they’re just doing it in a way that makes us think we’re still in charge. And you know what? Maybe that's for the best. After all, a world full of belly rubs, spontaneous naps, and unconditional love doesn’t sound too bad. So go ahead, let the puppies take over. Maybe world peace is just a puppy cuddle away.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a puppy video I need to watch for, uh, research purposes.

[justabitpeculiar]

Relatable.

I feel the same passion for Oreos.😉😋🤣

[justabitpeculiar]

🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟

[httpsserene]

𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 | 𝐨𝐩. 𝟖𝟏

summary: you accidentally leak a private song you made as a birthday gift for your boyfriend.

content warning: mdni. suggestive and sexual themes. humor. i consider this to be crack taken seriously. menace and unbothered king oscar piastri. a couple uses of yn. one threat/suggestion of self-deleting (in minecraft ofc). song referenced is on the way by jhene aiko ft. mila j. 

pairing: oscar piastri x singer! fem!black!reader

genre: smau.

from, serene: was this requested? no. i did this for myself. do what you will with that information. enjoy, loves !!!!

⌕ join taglist | feedback & requests | upcoming chapters | table of contents ↻

imessage • yn -> oscar

yn’s soundcloud

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imessage • oscar -> yn

twitter

twitter • oscar & yn

instagram • oscarpiastri • april 6th

liked by 2,341,988 others

oscarpiastri everybody knows what's on my plate for my birthday breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert 😋🍽️

view comments

yninsta: gave you permission to post this and you didn't even tag me 😠

➥ oscarpiastri: tagging you is unnecessary. ➥ oscarpiastri: as you already made a whole song about how much you enjoy our..."activities" and posted it for public consumption :) ➥ yninsta: please deactivate your account 🫡

landonorris: mate just block me out of respect 🫠

➥ oscarpiastri: you see, i already respect you very little🫶🏻 ➥ landonorris: "tell your friends tinker bell fucked your brains out" ➥ landonorris: i vow to never let you have a peaceful day ever again 🫶🏻

charlesleclerc: my son, please. i have learned too many things i did not need to know about you in 3:42 song. have mercy 🤧

➥ oscarpiastri: somebody has to be the family disappointment 🤷‍♂️ ➥ olliebearman: it's me. i'm the one driving a haas next year 😖 ➥ leoleclerc: everybody's knows m not bringing the shame to our family's name :) 🐕🐾 ➥ alexandrasaintmleux: nobody is a disappointment! family dinner is postponed this month btw. i think charles might cry if he has to look at you oscar.

logansargeant: dude wtf 😳

➥ oscarpiastri: do you have something to say? ➥ logansargeant: ....no ➥ oscarpiastri: hm. that's what i thought

user1: oscar posting "for your eyes only" pics i can't believe it

➥ user2: we all know the song is dirtier than the pics

user3: it's always the quiet ones ����‍↕️

➥ yninsta: stay away from them they only cause headaches 😒 ➥ user4: don't you mean backaches? from the way he blows your back out CONSISTENTLY ➥ yninsta: i hope you know that i'm having you blacklisted from any of my future live shows and tours @/user4

user5: everybody tell him happy birthday 🫵🏻

➥ user6: ion have to tell him SHIT 👹 ➥ user7: he already got her, i'm not wishing him a hbd ➥ user8: i'm not spoiling him, she got it covered 🥱 ➥ user9: y'all r lonely n miserable HBD OSCARRRRR!!!!

mclaren: oscar, i respect your game—but i think you missed the point of the emergency pr meeting that i was forced to be in earlier - admin

➥ oscarpiastri: yolo - kimi raikkonen ➥ mclaren: valid ig

general taglist (ask to join):

@saintslewis/@cherry2stems/@lorarri/@mindless-rock/@biancathecool

@barnestatic/@darleneslane/@lovingaphroditesworld/@smoothopz/@vetteltea

@tallrock35/@spideybv28/@loomiscorpse/@hiireadstuff/@namgification

@gg-trini/@multi-fandom-rando/@landoslutmeout/@love-simon/@iloveyou3000morgan/

@rexit-mo/@oscahpastry/@sweatrevenge5436-blog/@bokutos-babyowl/@oliviah-25

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@hearts4robs/@c-losur3/@bloodyymaryyy/@awritingtree/@lammys-thinking

© httpsserene 2024 - photos used from pinterest.

[gyll-yee-haw]

Heartbreakingly yours

🌻Husband!Jake x Wife!reader (Angst/Smut)

(Bonus: our good boy Leo Gyllenhaal!)🐕

🍂Prompt: You're heartbroken, your marriage is falling apart and Jake knows it's his fault. He has to do something before it's too late.

🌿Warnings: angst (with a happy ending), broken marriage, fights, mentions of anxiety and insecurity, oral sex (f), unprotected sex, bit of spanking...

Like 5.2k words 💀

---

Peace filled your mind and fresh air filled your lungs as soon as you left the city. Leo surely felt that too, as he had his head out of the car window, tongue out, euphoric with the way the wind hit his face. You smiled watching the German Shepherd through the mirror, so unaware he would have the time of his life this weekend. Jake kept his eyes on the road as he drove.

It was a two hours drive to the county side, where Jake rented a house for the weekend. He had been working non-stop since the pandemics.

Working on everything but your relationship.

They say the first year is the hardest. Well, for you it wasn't. You and Jake got married a few months before COVID spread, so you spent the first year of your marriage on a never ending honeymoon. Trapped inside a brand new house the two of you decorated in the coziest way, everything turned into sex. From making bread, laughing together to vaguely looking in each other's direction, it would somehow lead to sex.

It was a calm life. That's what you missed the most: tranquility. Peace. Silence. You didn't expect things to change.

Jake went back to work before people stopped wearing masks, and you saw your honeymoon start to crumble. And you didn't think it was a bad thing, at first... Jake loved his job and you were dying to see his new projects. You were happy that things were going back to normal and married life was about to start.

You were happy, but you weren't ready.

You weren't ready for the sleepless nights waiting for him to come back. Or the nights he wouldn't come back, cause he was on another continent. For the days you'd freak out because he didn't answer your calls or replied to your texts. For the fans thirsting over him on the new promos, hating on you. For his costars who just... looked better than you. For the fact that even when he was home, it wasn't the same anymore, because he was always either too tired or rambling about things that didn't include you anymore.

And he started to grow distant. Or maybe you did. You weren't sure who's fault it was, all you knew is that you forgot what his lips tasted like... or what it felt like to be safe and loved.

You and Jake had been planning this trip before things got too bad. Because both of you missed that nothingness you tasted for a moment.

You expected it to be canceled, but now you were on your way. Anxiety filled your guts just imagining being trapped with him for a whole weekend without being able to talk. Not because you didn't have anything to say, but you just felt like everything about you was so irrelevant and boring now. You didn't remember when was the last time you two sat on a sofa and laughed at the most absurd things you said to each other... the sense of humor you shared and the inside jokes... you were afraid to bring some of that up now and earn a weird look from him. You were afraid he didn't remember what it felt like before.

Very few words were said during the car ride. Still, the air on the country side brought you peace. For now, the grass and the sight of the mountains on the horizon cleared your mind.

---

The first thing Jake did after parking in front of the cutest little stone cottage was open the car door for Leo, watching him run like no tomorrow. He was a senior dog now, but he acted like a puppy everytime he saw a big field... running, jumping, barking until he ran out of breath. Then he would come inside, drink water for 5 uninterrupted minutes and pass out by Jake's feet.

You sat in the car for a few moments still, watching the dog with a smile on your face. No matter how hard this weekend would be for you, at least Leo deserved it.

"Wanna come inside?" Jake's voice startled you a bit. You only realized you dissociated for a while when you saw he had already picked up the bags from the trunk and stood beside you with the keys in his hand.

"Sure." You nodded. As soon as you got out of the car, you felt nervous. The car was safe, the two of you were distracted by the road... what about now?

You followed him to the entrance. You were in awe when he opened the door. The house was somehow even cuter inside. First thing you see as you walk in is a colorful living room. You could see plants hanging from all surfaces and a rusty book shelf. An old small tv was placed in front of a terracotta colored sofa, where a few wool blankets were placed, all handmade, decorated with different patterns. A few more steps would lead you to a small kitchen with wooden cabinets painted white, filled with baby blue accessories, including a baby blue fridge, that could only be described as vintage. The dining room separated the kitchen from the living room, containing a table for six, an old record player and a bunch of candles.

"It's very pretty." You commented, looking around.

"I know." He smiled, relieved that you liked it. "There are two bedrooms upstairs. And two bathrooms too. One has a bathtub and all."

"That's lovely." You stood there awkwardly, not knowing exactly what to do. "Do you need help taking the bags upstairs?"

"Hm... yeah, that would be nice, we should do that." He handed you the smallest bag. He didn't really need help. But what was he going to say? The truth is that he was just as lost as you.

You followed him into a cozy bedroom upstairs. The biggest one. It didn't have much inside. A small wardrobe and a queen sized bed covered in white sheets, decorated with lace. On each side of the bed, a small table with a lamp.

The light coming through the window made the place look ethereal, no matter how simple it was. You wondered what would be like to wake up on that place beside someone you love. The room would look pretty boring through the eyes of someone who didn't know what being in love felt like, but you knew it. You knew it because he was looking at you, and something in that room made the eyes you knew so well never seem bluer. Fear invaded your heart as you wondered if Jake felt that too. For months you worried about how you looked through his eyes, but never more than now. He knew what being in love felt like, you were sure of that. But did that light remind him of it? Did he love you still?

"Are you tired?" He asked.

"A little." You admitted. "I... I need to stretch my legs a bit, it was a long drive."

"Yeah." He agreed. "It's a bit further than I remembered."

Remembered? You were caught by surprise.

"Have you been here before?" You asked, trying to hide how your guts told you there was something wrong.

"Yeah." He furrowed his eyebrows. "I came to have a look before bringing you here."

You stood in silence for a while. He never mentioned it. You would remember it.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" He spoke when he realized you wouldn't.

"Nothing." You lied terribly. "You just didn't mention it."

"I thought I did." He shrugged.

You tried as hard as you could to hold it in you, but the question slipped out.

"Were you alone?"

"What are you suggesting?" He looked at you absolutely incredulous.

"Answering a question with another question is trying to escape it." You would never talk back to him like that if you weren't beyond pissed. You were exhausted.

You were ready for your marriage to die of natural causes. You were ready to hear that he didn't find you attractive anymore. That he got tired of you. That he didn't really enjoy being married. Anything. Anything but being fucking cheated on.

"No. I wasn't alone, in fact." He shook his head and let out a chuckle. "The real estate agent showed me around."

"Is it funny?" Your voice cracked a little and that made you even more angry. You. weren't. going. to. cry.

"Yeah, it's a bit funny, actually." He replied, now as angry as you. "I'm being accused of cheating because I tried to do something for you."

"For me?" You raised your voice. "To keep me entertained once a year so I will keep being your stupid little obedient wife? Oh sorry, I forgot to kneel at your feet and thank you for all these wonderful crumbs of attention I've been getting!"

His eyes were wide and his mouth shut. He had no idea what to say. He simply didn't know how he felt. There was anger. Anger because of your tone. There was guilt. Guilt because of your words. But what dominated him was the deepest sadness he had ever felt. He obviously knew your marriage was falling apart. But he was a coward and all he was doing to try and save it was act like nothing happened and bring you to this stupid trip.

And there were no word to describe what he felt when you walked out of that room and he wasn't brave enough to follow you.

His body felt heavy. He sat on the bed, head in hands, wondering if that was it. Wondering how could he fail so hard at the one thing that was more important to him.

---

Took him 40 agonizing minutes to get out of that room. But at some point, he realized that he just couldn't do that anymore. He wanted you back. He needed you back. Your laugh, your passion, your strength, your touch. He couldn't keep hoping everything would go back to how it was. He had to earn it. And it if was too late... he had to let you go. Seeing you suffer like that was destroying him.

He walked downstairs and saw you in the living room, sitting on the rug, back against the sofa. Leo was peaceful asleep with his head on your lap. Jake approached slowly, trying not to startle any of you. You felt his presence, but didn't do anything about it. Didn't look in his direction or wiped the tears from your face. He deserved to see them.

"Y/N..." He sighed, sitting beside you on the floor.

"I'm fine, doesn't matter." You said bitterly.

He knew he would have to choose his words carefully. You weren't open for him. He needed to pave his way in.

"He always does that." He said, pointing at Leo. "He can't stand to see you cry... he'll rush to you, protect you. Even with all this space to play he..."

"I know." You interrupted him.

"I should learn from him, shouldn't I?" He admitted sadly.

"But you have all this space to play." You shrugged. "Paris. Milan. LA. All on the same week."

"Y/N, I know I've been the worst. I know I've been making a thousand mistakes..." He closed his eyes, feeling guilt consume him. "But I swear I never even looked at another woman."

"It's a matter of time." Was all you could say. "All those gorgeous costars. Models everywhere. All dying for just one night... and that would be perfect, wouldn't it? A body a thousand times better than mine and no feelings attached. You can just leave them like you did to me, except that no one will whine about it. You won't have to waste your precious time doing something like this to keep them quiet."

"Don't say that..." Those were probably the worst words ever directed to him. "I don't want that. I don't want any of that. I want all the feelings I only ever felt with you. I want to come home to you."

"But you just don't." You shrugged. "You left one day and never came back to me. I am still here, waiting for you. But you never come back..."

"No, Y/N... I never left, I promise you..." He rested his hand on top of yours and it felt like the first time in weeks you had any kind of physical contact. "The man I truly am could never leave your side. But he's just... lost inside me somewhere. I... I buried him too deep while I was trying to be the actor, the professional, the face people wanted to see and I... I just couldn't find him anymore."

"I hope it was worth it." You gave him the saddest smile.

No, those were the worst words ever directed to him.

You gently moved Leo's head so you could stand up. The poor dog was too exhausted from running, so he just adjusted himself on the rug and went back to sleep. You turned your back to Jake.

Only this time he wasn't going to let you leave.

You felt strong hands gripping your arms from behind and let out a gasp as he pushed your body against his.

"No, it wasn't fucking worth it." He grunted. His hands were shaking. "And I've learnt my fucking lesson. I'm going to dig as deep as I have to, but I'll bring him back to you, if you'll have him."

"Let me go." You tried to free yourself from his grip, but you couldn't. Maybe you didn't try that hard. Maybe you were just testing if he would put up a fight.

"I'm not letting you go. Ever." He didn't mean physically. The look in his eyes as his face was now dangerously close to yours indicated that.

"How can I trust you?" You begged internally for him not to kiss you, because if he did, you would believe every word he said.

"Because I've already started digging." He told you. "This house... when I decided to bring you here... I needed to be alone with you. Away from everything. Somewhere people don't expect anything from me."

"Right. Very nice, we spend a nice holiday fucking like rabbits once every six months..." You said sarcastically. "Then we go back to our life in New York, where it all goes to shit again. Then we come back here and it's wonderful... a never ending cycle. Seems like hell to me."

"No, baby..." His voice grew more desperate. "It's never gonna be like that again. Never. Nothing changes when we go to New York. This place is just... somewhere to run away to when it gets overwhelming."

"Jake." You kept your head high and spoke firmly. "I need you to be husband when things are hard and overwhelming, not only when everything is peaceful and quiet. I am not going to escape. I have to face a lot of shit every single day and every single day I choose to be by your side. You better do the same for me."

It was like slapping him on the face. But it made him love you more than ever. You were so brave.

"I just feel so undeserving of you all the damn time." He admitted, bringing one hand to your cheek. "Exactly because you have to face a lot of shit and it's my fault. I thought... I thought I was protecting you by pushing you away, then... then I thought I could protect you by taking you somewhere far away from all that but... but you're right. I fucked up terribly. I'm protecting you from everything but me, and I ended up hurting you the most."

"Jake..." Your heart was heavy. Maybe you were a bit hard on him... he was confused and filled with good intentions. But how could you solve anything without being rough when he built a brick wall between you?

"I will never be able to tell you how fucking sorry I am. How fucking stupid I feel." He admitted, tears filling his eyes. "I will understand if I'm not the man you need. Fuck, I know I'm not the man you deserve, but..."

"Jacob." You cut him, and he was ready for you to hurt him. "Kiss me."

He cursed under his breath. He was so divided... he didn't feel like he deserved to ever feel your lips again. But God, how he wanted to.

The moment his lips were on yours, you were filled with hope. It still felt the same. It still felt like home. And if you could bring home to this place miles away, you could take the peace that flooded the little cottage all the way back home.

But hope wasn't the only thing the kiss ignited in you. As it got deeper, Jake's hands wrapped around your body and squeezed you like you were going to disappear. Like this was all a dream and he would go mad if he woke up. The way his body felt against yours brought memories from those happy times, when the two of you were never not in contact. And you needed it back, even if only for a few hours.

Jake felt the exact same way, but he was scared to make a move and ruin everything. So he waited for you to give him a sign. And when you bit his bottom lip, letting out a moan as your hand gripped on his hair... he understood that as a sign.

The two of you were physically incapable of letting go of each other as you walked upstairs. You were desperated, yes, but this wasn't a matter for a quickie on the sofa or against a wall. Jake felt the absolute need to worship you and nothing less. Take his sweet time, even if he never got to cum that night.

He laid you on the bed and you looked at him a little less sure now. He knew that look. You were feeling insecure. A lot had changed since your honeymoon phase and that included your body. But not only that, you were distant for so long, what if something went wrong? What if the sex was terrible and you realize you lost the connection... would that be the end?

"Jake, maybe I..." You tried to find a good excuse to stop it.

"We don't have to, if you're not comfortable." He assured you. "I'll understand it."

"But..." The thought of not having him on that moment seemed more terrifying. You craved him badly, body and soul. "But I want you so bad..."

"I want you too." He felt his heart flutter and got really emotional again. "So badly. But I can stop at any moment if you need me to, okay?"

You nodded. You seemed a little more confident now, but he decided to take things very slow anyway, to make sure everything would be perfect. He knew your body better than his own and he would trust your little signs.

His kisses on your neck had you pressing your thighs together, and that was his sign to start undressing you.

He took his time. Every time a piece of clothing was discharged, he would run his fingers and spread kisses all over the newly exposed skin. He was going to apologize to every single inch of you.

"What did you say earlier about a body a thousand times better than yours? Like that's even possible..." He smirked. You hadn't changed your mind, but the look on his face made it very clear that he didn't agree with you. The look on his face made it very clear that you were a goddess in his eyes. That he was as in love with you now as he was when he saw you walk down the aisle.

He stopped just to look at you for a moment. He couldn't believe he was that lucky and he almost lost you.

"Hmm... Jake?" You moaned impatiently.

"Shhh... gonna take care of you, my sweet angel." His eyes shined from the tears he wasn't allowing to fall. "Gonna be the husband you deserve from now on, okay? Promise you..."

His hands ran down the sides of your body as he worshiped your breasts with his mouth, whispering "I promise you" over and over again.

He spread open mouth kisses all the way down your belly as he removed your panties.

"You're a fucking goddess, look at you..." The way he was adoring you didn't give your insecurities any time to speak.

He grabbed your thighs like his life depended on it. When he got his mouth on you, you remember just how much that man loved eating pussy. And by how eager he seemed, he probably remembered it at that moment as well. By the obscene noises he made. How long had it been? How long since you last felt his tongue enter you and explore your walls until your hips bucked messily against his face? How long since he last sucked your clit until your eyes rolled back like now... how long since you came that embarrassingly quick?

"Jake... please..." You tried to sit down and push his head away, painfully sensitive, but he wasn't moving.

He wasn't moving at all. He wasn't stimulating you anymore, he just kept his face pressed against your pussy as he hugged your thighs. God, he never wanted to leave that place.

"Jake, come here, baby, come here..." You called. His red eyes met your gaze. He was a mess. Tears mixed with your wetness on his face.

He was heartbreakingly yours at that moment.

He was more yours now than the moment you placed that golden ring on his finger... one he was so proud of, he didn't even want to play single characters in movies anymore, just so he didn't have to take it off.

You had to insist very much before he was brave enough to lose contact with you, even if it only lasted a few seconds until he was laying on top of you.

Your hands went to his face, half caressing him, half cleaning that mess. His eyes were so soft it hurt.

"Can I kiss you?" He murmured, barely able to make a sound.

"Right now and everyday, for the rest of our lives. Forever." You smiled at him.

He didn't waste a second, for he had already wasted too much time. His lips met yours and it was like the kiss could tell you how he felt better than his words could. He was so angry with himself. His hungry kiss, the way he desperately ate you out before, everything, every touch asked for your forgiveness, begged for all the things he craved, even though he felt deeply undeserving.

You hated it. That man, whose lips tasted like you, wasn't the man who abandoned you. That man was dead. Died of a heartbreak, right there on that bed. Now you needed your Jake back. And on that very same bed, you'd find him.

"Jake..." You moaned against his lips. "Need you to make sweet love to me, baby..."

He was obviously already rock hard from eating you out earlier, but hearing you say that absolutely broke him.

You watched him undress fully, he needed as much skin contact with you as possible, and you surely wouldn't complain about it. Jake's body has always been mindblowing, but his latest roles had demanded him to work out a lot... your eyes widened as you saw his defined abdomen. You kinda regretted having asked for sweet sex for a minute after seeing his physique, you felt like you needed him to ruin you. Nasty and loud. But the sweet look in his eyes showed you that was far from what he needed now, and you decided to wait. After all... there would be plenty of opportunities to have him however you wanted if he keeps his promise. And when you saw him remove his underwear, thick cock hitting his abdomen... his hands were very big, but didn't make his cock seem any less intimidating as he stroked himself. On that moment you were grateful for taking things slow.

He pushed the tip inside you, eyes on yours the entire time, to make sure you were okay. He saw you furrow your eyebrows and slowed down... then you let out a moan of pain, and he stopped.

"Baby?" His hand went to your cheek, caressing it lovingly.

"It's just been a while." You explained, but quickly added more words before he could get sad for not satisfying you for so long. "But I can take it... remember?"

"I remember." He chuckled. "I thought about it everytime I was away... all the things we did... hold on, baby, I'm almost all the way in..."

You nodded and took a deep breath.

He hit a spot so deep that got you arching your back before he even started moving.

"The things we did..." You smiled at him. "The things we're still going to do..."

"Yeah?" He smirked, giving you one experimental thrust, checking if you were adjusting to his size. "Tell me about them. What do you want me to do to you, honey?"

"Hmm..." You thought about it for a second. You didn't want to tell him what you were thinking minutes ago...

"Come on, pretty girl, don't get all shy now." He chuckled, keeping his hips moving very very slowly. "Tell me what's on your mind. I'll do whatever you want."

"Well... maybe... maybe some other time I... would like it rough." You admitted. It was ridiculous to be so shy at that point, when he was burried deep inside you. But you were coming from months of avoiding saying the wrong thing.

"Rough?" He repeated, his mouth going towards your neck, giving you small kisses, giving you shivers as he spoke close to your ear. "Too vague, baby, you can do better than that."

Oh? When did he go from begging for forgiveness to teasing? He was getting bold. Bold like your Jake was.

His dirty talk made you wetter and prepared for him to speed up his thrusts a bit.

"Fuck..." You wrapped your legs around him, keeping him close. "Want you to fuck me stupid from behind... don't wanna be able to walk... want..."

You got interrupted by a loud slap on your thigh. It didn't exactly hurt, but you weren't expecting it... you looked at him wide-eyed.

"Sorry, fuck..." He shut his eyes, hands gripping on the sheets on both side of your head until his knuckles went white. "You're driving me crazy, I don't want to lose control."

"Why?" You moaned as he started going a bit faster.

"Cause you asked me to make sweet love to you." He smiled. Something about his dimples when he smiled... "And I really really want to."

"Well, I..." You tried to argue, but he wasn't having it.

"Don't worry, sweetheart." He burried his face on the crook of your neck again, proceeding to go deeper inside you as he did. "We have all the time in the world. Hope you got enough sleep these last months... cause you won't get any tonight. Fuck, maybe not even tomorrow..."

"Jake..." You moaned. "It's still sweet love if you go a little faster..."

"Eager little brat." He shook his head. "Want another slap?"

"Yes..." You smirked.

"Yes?" He raised his eyebrows.

"You said whatever I want." You gave him a pleading look.

He meant it, he would do anything for you. Specially if it didn't envolve leaving that bed. So he gave your thigh another slap. You gasped, but looked at him with pure lust in your eyes.

And that did it for him. He had to go faster now. When he finally did, he got lost in pleasure, lost in you. Fuck, it had been a while and you felt so fucking good. The room was filled by moans and grunts and skin slapping. The pace was wild, but the looks you exchanged... the way his hands squeezed yours... that was sweet, sweet love making.

"Jake! Fuck..." You shut your eyes hard, feeling you were getting close again. "I'm gonna..."

"Y/N, look at me." He rested his forehead on yours, never stopping.

You tried your best to hold it. You opened your eyes and looked at him quite desperate. You thought it was one of those 'look at me while you cum' moments, but...

"I love you." He said. "I fucking love you... always have..."

"Jake..."

"Loved you every single day since I first saw you." His movements indicated he was close too. "Will love you til the day I die..."

"I... I love you too, Jakey, love you so much..." You replied, tears in your eyes both from hearing those words you hadn't heard in so long, and from trying to hold the orgasm that was dangerously close to burst.

"Fuck, baby, cum for me, I know you need it..." He smiled, heart melting at your words, he was dying to give you the best orgasm of your life, he didn't even care about his own, and God, he was close. "Let go for me, want you to cum so good, baby..."

The thing is that you would also do anything for him. You came. Hard. Loudly. Screaming his name. The freedom, the relief you felt... it was your second orgasm of the night, but it felt different with him inside you. It felt different because you barely came down from your high and you felt his cock throbbing painfully, until he spilled himself inside of you. So much you felt like it would leak out of you for days. And you weren't even sure if he enjoyed it fully, because he was so busy admiring you.

He pulled out way to soon for your liking. But he just didn't want to waste time... he needed to kiss all over your body.

"Hey!" You chuckled, feeling too overstimulated for that. "I know we're not sleeping tonight, but I could use a break..."

"Fine." He sighed, laying down beside you. "Listen, I'm really sorry, I..."

"It's fine. Let's move on, okay?" You got closer, resting your head on his strong chest. "I forgive you."

"Thank you... you're wonderful, did you know that?" He wrapped his arms around you.

"You're wonderful too." You assured him, running your fingers through his abdomen. "Taking your time to fix things. Admitting your mistakes. Bringing me here. Mindblowing sex. The dinner you're about to cook..."

"Oh, am I?" He left out a laugh.

"Whatever I want." You shrugged. "50 years from now I'll still be using your words against you."

The idea of you being an old couple teasing each other brought him the warmest feeling ever. He promised himself he would work hard for it.

"God, I hope you are." He kissed the top of your head. "I hope you are."

---💚---

[keithtreason]

Using Korra as a humorous but dark way to demonstrate the whole debate of

Would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear?

Season 1 alone comes in with Korra getting ambushed at night in a public space, attacked and knocked out multiple times, put into the "trunk" of a vehicle, confined in the basement of a house in the middle of nowhere, chased out into the woods, and on and on we could go.

[lssugaluv]

What your Instagram looks like while dating…

What your Instagram looks like while dating Ran Haitani.

Tokyo Revengers x Fem character.

Bonten Tokyo Revengers. (Timeskip)

New instragram series.

My Masterlist: Lssugaluv's Masterlist.

Mini synopsis: Ran and yourself have been together for quite sometime. You two love to show each other off but are into the “secret partner” photo aesthetics. This is how your instagram looks like while dating Ran Haitani.

Contains: small bits of humor, lots of fluff, pictures are from Pinterest, not mine! Bits of cuss words…

Liked by sanooom01 and others.

Y/n: My love. <3

View all 63 Comments:

Haitanirinnn: Awe. What a simp. @hran21

Sanooom01: @Haitanirinnn frfr 😩🤣

Hran21: Stfu yeah? @sanooom01 @haitanirinnn

Liked by Kokoshmoney and others.

Y/n: Thanks to Rinnie for this. @haitanirinnn

View all 47 comments.

Kassshhi: okay, goals or whateva

Sanzuuu: I took this tf

Haitanirinnn: @ Sanzuuu okay Bitch, says the one that took 50 pics and none of them came out good

Sanzuuu: @haitanirinnn 🖕🏻

Liked by Kaku20_ and others.

Y/n: I love watching you sleep. @hran21

View all 73 comments.

Sanooom01: Tell his ass to get up y/n!

Y/n: @Sanooom01 shhhh, he’s sleeping. 🤫

Hran21: I got a nice ass back

Meanmochi1_: no gains @hran21

Hran21: you sure bout that bud? @meanmochi1_

Liked by mmucho and others.

Y/n: no wonder he loves when I wear red lipstick

View all 54 comments.

Hran21: I love when you kiss me there and kiss me everywhere 😏

Y/n: @hran21 not here Ran 😅

Sanzuuu: keep it PG @hran21

Haitanirinnn: Damn you dog 🐕 @hran21

Hran21: 🖕🏻🖕🏻 @ sanzuuu @haitanirinnn

Liked by hran21 and others.

Y/n: such a gentleman. ❤️

View all 102 comments.

Hran21: anything for you baby

Kaku20_: simp @hran21

Haitanirinnn: big simp @kaku21 @hran21

Sanzuuu: big ass simp @kaku21 @hran21 @haitanirinnn

Y/n: y’all already know 😜

Kokoshmoney: @hran21 DAMN even your girl confirmed that you’re a simp

Hran21: 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻 fuck y’all.

Hran21: besides you @y/n

Sanooom01: lmfao simp @hran21

After thought:

I was thinking of doing a pov of y/n’s Instagram and also a pov of “your boyfriends” instagram! I’m going to try to do that, then begin on working on other characters. 🥹

Please share, request characters, and like!

I got this idea from someone else who did something like this! I got inspired! I forgot the persons username! But hope you like this as much as I had fun making it.

P.s: my captions are a bit wack because I suck at making up captions 😩

[hislittleraincloud]

Afterburn Status Update

It's fucking hot in here and I can't sleep/write/do anything but stare at the wall after that spider attack (LOL) so perhaps for the 2 people who are interested:

Yes, still working on the last chapter of Satisfying Afterburn. Made some decent progress now, after my dog passed and there's no more having to take care of him 24/7. This whole damn year, coupled with the shit with the neighbor bullshit really fucked with my creative output. But it will be finished before year's end, I believe (and I know when I want to release Part 1, but I DON'T WANT TO JINX IT so I'm telling no one until all of the scenes are placed). I'll be messing with the soundtrack, because I think I've decided on a new song for one of the more important Wenovan scenes (and I need to add in Thing's Wake song and the Britney Spears one).

But as I mentioned in said aforementioned spider attack post, I'm already working on a soundtrack for Afterburn 2. I told one fic wife that I think 2 will have a lot more world building in it, as well as history re: the outcasts in Jericho/Goody Addams/Joe Crackstone. It will be very, very Nightshades heavy. Both the newbs (Wednesday & Co.) and the olds (Morticia & Co.). I fucking love Chancellor...but I also love Xavier's father, Vincent Thorpe. Both older men will be involved with AB Wednesday in their own capacity. No, it's not that...girl is super faithful to Donovan.

I had already planned to bring Pugsley and Morticia to Jericho pre-all of the W2 leaks/filming commencement, so AB Pugsley will be attending Nevermore...with Wednesday Jr. 🐕🐾 But ABW is going to absolutely despise what occurs with Morticia. Clash of the fucking Titans there 💀

Not sure what else I am willing to say, other than there will be distasteful shit in here again, but nothing to do with sex (but there will be a fair share of smut in there too): It's the Goodmen parts that will make people uncomfortable. My readers will have to remember that these are characters, some based on or patched together from real people; real racists, real bigots, real Trump Loyalists pieces of work. And in some places I will want to illustrate how disgusting these types of people are. Some of the whole cultist bigotry thing will be addressed with Gideon and Morningsong, but the worst of it will be with the Goodmen bunch and the Breeding brothers.

Sounds like a lot of heavy stuff to cover, but I'll be sure to keep the humor in there too. Maybe some soft serve for the fic wifey.

Aight, that was squick.

Maybe more squick. Or more bawdy stuff, like the Carnivorous Plants class scene.

I guess we'll see, won't we. 👹🖤💙🕸️🚔

[just-a-space-rabbit]

MASTERLIST

Anything marked with ★ is considered complete.

Projects

★ Black Baccara Rose: (Hero x Henchman) Supervillain sends Henchman out to buy flowers. Henchman uses that time to talk to Civilian, their favorite person in the world. But soon chaos ensues as Henchman needs to save the one person they care about, from the clutches of their own boss.

● The Sidekick Club: Strange friendship in-between a Hero sidekick, Villain sidekick and Supervillain Henchman.

Snippets

Hurt/Comfort

★ Hero is an orphan ● Supervillain caught Hero and Sidekick, for a sinister plot. /J ● Supervillian’s Dogs : Prompt by @ / whygodohgodwhy (New✨)

Humor

● Hero’s problem (Hero x Villain): Villain did not want to spend “family time” with supervillain, so now it Hero’s problem. Part 1 : Part 2

● Henchman has had a bad day and a terrible week. ● Superhero is forced by Supervillain to be a rogue. ● Downloading music illegally : Prompt by @ / hufflepuffwritingstuff2 ● Villain thought they were getting Pay Day ● Rendez-miss-vous ● Henchman’s homework 😐📝🐕 : Prompt by @ / heroes-villains-side-blog ● Super Run

Romance

● Hero wants burger: (Hero x Villain) ★ Spooky day at the job: (Hero x Right Hand)

Found Family

● Breakfast at Supervillain Home

Mix

● Sidekick's Power ● The old Bookstore ● Villain made Supervillain Mad!

Comics

● Nothing ● Sleeping with the fishes ● A Chance Meeting ● It’s a cross over >:) ● Super Power High Five!

● Yuki the Space Rabbit: All of Yuki the space rabbit’s shenanigans gathered in one place. Mostly art and ask stuff since I have yet to use this character in any writing.

● Picrews: I don’t make Picrews often. But here are the few I have managed to make. + links to my tag games and other things.

● Flufftober 2024: A 31 day challenge to write/draw/create either pure fluff, flangst (fluff/angst) from prompts made by @ / thepenultimateword

My Art : Writing Prompts : Game Screenshot

Sideblogs

● @space-rabbit-collection-of-stuff (memes, vid, and other reblogs) ● @space-rabbit-portfolio (Only my original works)

✨Writing by Other People✨

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

[bunnyprincessbecca]

A little about me!!

🦔🩷🐙🦙🐰💗🐁🐙🐈‍⬛🧁🐕🦨🥞🍰🩵🐇🐿️

I’m Becca and I’m a proud mama to my bunny Tapioca who I adopted from the shelter I work at!! Animals are my favorite thing in the world and I want to do all I can to help as many animals as possible!! Besides that though, I’m just a huge girly girl who loves cute things, and a huge nerd who gets really obsessed over random pieces of media! Follow me if you love bunnies, cute things, Evangelion, Devilman, Nana, Fear and Hunger, Earthbound, and gyaru fashion🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

This is meant to be a wholesome safe space for everyone btw!!!!!!!! This blog is strictly a PG place and so if you’re one of those super creepy rated R blogs (you know exactly what I’m talking about) PLEASE refrain from interacting with me because it makes me super uncomfortable☹️ I know I like really cute girly and feminine things, but I am SO NOT one of those blogs and they actually make me feel really icky🥲 so if you are one of those blogs, please leave me be and let this blog remain a cute and cozy place that I would be proud to show my parents!

Typology:

Esfj EF(S) sp/sx 2w1 296 SEI EFVL melancholic-sanguine s/L/o[A]i neutral good (in terms of principles, but my sense of humor is very chaotic)

Interests:

Fashion- gyaru fashion (specifically Agejo gyaru), scene fashion, goth fashion, jirai kei fashion, emo fashion, punk fashion

🩷

Music- (my favorite bands are Nine Inch Nails, Skinny Puppy, Dead can Dance, Hole, Smashing Pumpkins, the 1975, TV Girl, the Birthday Massacre, Eminem, Sufjan Stevens, Alex G, the neighborhood, Asking Alexandria, Bring me the Horizon, Depeche Mode, Fields of the Nephilim, Lebanon Hanover, Crystal Castles, Pathetic, and Type O Negative)

🩷

Video games- (Fear and hunger, Style Savvy, Yume Nikki, Omori, Tomodachi Life, Miitopia, the Mother series of games, Deltarune, Undertale, Pokémon, Animal Crossing, Pikmin, little nightmares)

🩷

Anime/manga- (Devilman, Evangelion, Nana, Homunculus, Berserk, Serial Experiments Lain, Hunter x Hunter, Death Note, Chainsaw Man, Paranoia Agent, Angel’s Egg, Ghost in the Shell, keep your hands off Eizouken, Paradise Kiss, Sailor Moon, Attack on Titan, Fruits Basket, Princess Ai, Saint Oniisan)

🩷

Shows- (Moral Orel, the Acolyte, Bojack, South Park, the Mandalorian, Schitt’s Creek, Helluva Boss, Bob’s Burgers, Hazbin Hotel, the Golden Girls, Fallout, White Lotus, Shameless)

🩷

Movies- (American Psycho, Junior, Heathers, Mermaids, Defending your Life, My Dinner with Andre, Requiem for a Dream)

[askthesinclairs]

*I froze. A wave of anger and concern rushed through me. I've been in his spot before. Used. Touched. Hurt. It makes me so angry to imagine someone else going through that. But...I slow it down. I know that... I know getting mad might scare him away and make him think it's his fault*

"...no ...no it doesn't count"

*I don't know how to move on. Maybe dark humor will lighten the air? Maybe I should tell him I've also gone through it??*

"uhm....why don't you show me some of your creative endeavors...bet they're cool"

*I hold him tighter. I don't want him to be hurt again*

-🐕

*Vincent didn't understand really.. he doesn't.. feel hurt? it feels so natural to him, so normal, because Bo normalized it for him.* "like.. my art? you wanna see my art?" *He smiled a bit and decided to pick you up- walking down to the basement with you- which was his workshop, he felt comfortable enough to show it to you.* *He put you down and made you face the entirety of his work space.. unorganized and a mess with wax, paints and other tools scattered around-*

"sorry.. i didn't expect uh.. guests at the moment"

[funnyposts101]

"Joyce is still searching for the end of the rainbow at the park they saw hoping for treats... Even if it is right behind her."

[anotherhumanpet]

For Jaden: 😩 👨‍🍳 For Dennis: 🐕 💔

Send in Some Symbols for Headcanons

😩 - Does your muse like memes? Do they like the dankest, or do they only know dead memes?

Memes rarely ever hit Jaden's funny bone, regardless of their status as dank or dead. Even the cursing bird memes he likes have a huge hit-to-miss ratio because while some of them hit, not all of them strike his sense of humor and get passed over.

That's the "dilemma" of his humor though. When only the absurd things can make you laugh, meme humor just rarely hits.

👨‍🍳 - Would your muse make pudding at 3AM because they’ve lost control of their life?

It's a perfectly acceptable activity to do on a sleepless night, thank you very much. It's easy to make and provides a snack for the hungry sweet-toothes of the house.

🐕 - Would your muse try to lift a big dog to make them feel like a small dog?

If the dog is in a weight class where that is a feasible move to pull off, then Dennis might try. But he has to really feel the confidence in pulling it off and the dog legitimately has to be okay-sized. Dennis is mostly doing it to enforce bed cuddles though, because there's no way he could carry any medium to large sized dog around just for fun.

💔 - How often does your muse drop their phone?

Dennis says not that much.

The scratches on his phone's protective casing say otherwise.

[justabitpeculiar]

[jmagnabo92]

Can I have "hug to prevent a fight" with prongsfoot for the hug prompts? 🦌🐕

Hope you like it, Wolfie!

HUG FIGHT!

         It wasn’t often that James was separated from Sirius these days – not since he ran away to be a Potter -, but today he was due to being held back by Slughorn, who wanted James in his stupid little club that excludes all of James’ mates, but specifically Sirius.  Ever since word got out about Sirius’ running away, everyone had been treating him differently, but especially Slughorn, who no longer cared about Sirius’ talents since he wasn’t a considered a Black anymore.  

         Well, James would never join that stupid club before, and he certainly wasn’t going to do it now.  Unfortunately, he still had to humor Slughorn and had promised Sirius that he’d join him as soon as he could.  He just always had this awful feeling whenever he and Sirius were apart, like something bad was going to happen. 

         His feeling was right since as soon as he sees the entrance to the Great Hall, he sees Sirius being taunted by Regulus and the Slytherins in their year (especially Snape, who loves to target Sirius because he wishes he was a pureblood heir).  He makes it to the group just as Sirius begins to pull his wand – if he hexed them, Sirius would get in trouble, not them, so James launches himself at Sirius to give him a hug and stop him from doing it.

         “They’re not worth the trouble, Si,” James whispers in his ear as he hugs him tightly.  “They’re just trying to get you in trouble – don’t let them win.”

         He could tell that Sirius wants to fight back, that he doesn’t care what sort of trouble that he’d get into, so James adds, “Please for me.  I can’t stand the thought of spending all those nights with you in detention, alone.”

         At those words, Sirius relaxes and molds into the hug just as McGonagall comes to break up the situation.  The Slytherins take off with jeers about how close James and Sirius are, but neither of them care.  

         In fact, Sirius leans back just enough to plant a kiss on James’ lips.  “Thanks, Jay.”

         “Anytime,” James states, smiling.  “Can’t let me delectable boyfriend spend his nights in detention away from me.”

         “Good, because he doesn’t want to be away from you either.”

[krirebr]

Obligatory 🐕 (Because we all need more of Her Majesty, Princess Lou).

📽 - I'm hoping to get into more scary stuff, but I need it to have a sense of humor (i.e. Tremors, Bubba Ho-Tep). Do you have any recommendations?

Congrats, again, on the 700!!!

-Zombie

@thezombieprostitute I love this! I can definitely be a bit of a scaredy-cat for the harder stuff, so horror-comedy is my jam! I've got some recommendations below, but I'm sure I'll keep thinking of more too!

If you like Tremors, then you should absolutely try Nope. It's got that same adventure-movie vibe and is so much fun. There are definitely some scary sequences and a little gore, but I really think the fun outweighs the rest of it.

Ok, in my opinion, the ultimate horror-comedy is Scream. If you haven't seen it yet, I'd definitely put it at the top of your list. This was my entry point to slashers, and it's still my all-time favorite. So 90s and a really fun whodunnit.

This next one is a little riskier, but I'm such a big fan of You're Next. A terrible, wealthy family has a reunion which is crashed by a group of intruders in animal masks. Little do they know that the new fiance of one of the sons has a survivalist background and is determined to get as many people as she can through the night. Probably the goriest on this list, but I feel like it's all telegraphed pretty well and avoidable if that's something you need to do. Just a really good time.

And ok, here is the most obscure pick on this list. Housebound is a microbudget movie out of New Zealand from about ten years ago. A disagreeable young woman has to move back in with her mom when she's put on house arrest. But her mom's house might be haunted. Probably the broadest comedy here, and if you can find it, pretty fun.

Please let me know if you watch any of these! I hope you have fun!

And here you go!

Kris's 700 Celebration