#▲「 I know who I am. 」 about
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024
#ramble#if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands#you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things#some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible#the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think#i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex#this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!!#how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about#yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian#you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate
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i dont know how to explain it but joining extremely small fandoms with only a few people in them feels like this
#doodles#ms paint#memes#life is paint#dat me#this post is about#art#knight rider#but also probably a couple other things#you will see the same 3 or 4 usernames regularly. you'll be mutuals with LITERALLY half the fandom (two people).#you are all circulating the same 47 TOTAL posts around between each other#edit - i am formally claiming this post for the knight rider fandom. finally my first 'this post is about x' banner ......#not that i care people are relating but i want people to know this is about a man who solves crimes and is gay for his car#(the car is also gay)
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i have such a love for characters who descend into madness or villainy out of deep, deep empathy. characters who fundamentally cannot cope with the cruel realities they find themselves in and blow up about it in spectacular fashion. fallen angel type characters with tears of outrage in their eyes. characters who break before they bend, and break so badly they splatter blood all over their noble ideals. every variation on it gets me so good
#getou suguru#kaneki ken#abyss twin#i know there are others who im not thinking of rn#feel free to reblog with more examples#aphelion.txt#tropes#WAIT I REMEMBERED MORE#jaina proudmoore#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#phosphophyllite#i just spent like half an hour trying to find this on tv tropes but it must be. Too specific of a thing i have in mind bc#I just kept finding similar and related but too broad categories#despair event horizon. fallen hero. well intentioned extremist. etc etc etc#like specifically i'm talking about when the character's EMPATHY is the CRUX of the problem. sosooo crunchyjuicytasty#edit:#also just know that i am reading every tag on this post#and enthusiastically scribbling down the names i dont recognizr#so i can check out their series later#edit 2 wow this post blew up 🫡 godspeed fellow villain likers#the amount of people tagging this as 'me lmao' is concerning to me#wwx#how did i fucking forget this was also yllz era wwx
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
#warm up#writeblr#actually this is because again i don't go here#i don't read/write fanfic but i have nothing but respect for my troops#but i also have never played minecraft. im sorry. please ask me any question about pokemon tho i love that shit#anyway#out of some banal and thoughtless curiosity i watched the minecraft movie trailer#and again i know nothing about minecraft. i am aware im in an endangered population#but im watching this going: this is so fucking.... BAD#there is NO LOVE in it!#like if someone who has NO history in minecraft watches that and is like - ohhh this is soulless#WHO IS THE AUDIENCE????#ppl who love minecraft are gonna hate it!!!#at some point it's the ''mean girls musical movie'' problem --#some people will always hate the premise of what you're doing and some people will love it#make it for the ppl who love it#and usually that somewhat convinces the haters to like. chill enough to TRY it . bc it IS good#but when you try to make it for the haters..... nobody likes it. it doesn't have passion. energy. footwork#which is a small way of saying a big thing: if you love something. fucking make it and assume someone will love it too.#i love u . be brave . be bold. be in boston and come to my reading#where i wrote a really weird fucked up little book.#love u love u love u etc
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Hey now, Let her cook!
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#senshi#laios touden#marcille donato#izutsumi#oyasumi punpun#<- In case you are wondering what the source for the little bird guy is.#Yeah that's right. I'm back to my extremely obscure crossover BS.#Punpun is one of those series that falls under the category of 'Good! but I cannot responsibly recommend this to anyone."#If Dungeon Meshi is like a friend asking you to go on a quick errand and you accidently go on a life changing roadtrip -#Punpun is your friend asking to go on a quick errand and they pull up to the vet and tell you your dog is being put down.#Then they explode into sludge. Melting your car. You hitchhike back but the person who picked you up is an axe murderer.#I could not finish it. My friends who did say it was good. But agree it was for the best I did not finish it.#Hey speaking of tone twists...We are one episode away from one of my favourite chapters being animated!#WHO'S READY FOR THE SENSHI BACKSTORY! WHO IS READY TO CRY!#ME! I AM! I spooked my flatmate with how energetic I was this morning. I'm vibrating with energy I was not designed to contain.#I should talk about today's episode here: It was very good. I love how they animated the familiars.#And!!! Anime only people now are in the loop on the Chilchuck lore. Part 1 of many. He still contains multitudes.#They all do to be honest! If this episode told us anything it was that we still don't know these characters as well as we think!#See you guys next week. I'll be inconsolable.
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The greatest injustice ever faced is that I almost certainly started the still thriving "clown husbandry" tag on here, but any discussion about it (from a know your meme page to a youtube video with 500k views) says it's a joke of "unknown origin" or credited to this post, likely bouncing off of mine (which was actively circulating at the time with like 30k notes):
This is a tragedy for many reasons, most of all because it wasn't just an offhand joke but actually a direct response to some of the funniest online hate I ever got:
They're erasing the truest history of tumblr: its desperate need to seethe and argue over every obvious joke with more than 10 notes.
anyways here is the canonical pet clown. according to me
#but tumblr... i am pagliacci#clown husbandry#look strange aeons on youtube. i know you browse this tag.#I don't respect your 2011 tumblr core take on steven moffat#but I will forgive it when you right this wrong#EDIT: a few people think i'm saying i originated the concept of referring to a clown like an animal#i didn't. i mean i made this really specific joke about exotic animal husbandry and a lot of mutuals bounced off of it with similar jokes#and that's what people started tagging 'clown husbandry'#to this day when you look for the origins a lot of mutual's names (who also kept chickens/pigeons/reptiles/etc) pop up because of this
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the girls, the gays, and impulsesv :D
(or pics pack. or the heartbreakers. or gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss, girldad.)
#mxmarsart#i am so unwell about this team#i am particularly fond of the girls the gays and impulse#but i understand if they don’t wanna use that name#so the other three are also fun ^.^#are they gonna form a crazy unbreakable bond?#are they gonna crack under the pressure and fall apart?#who knows!#pearlescentmoon#pearlecentmoon fanart#zombiecleo#zombiecleo fanart#smajor1995#smajor fanart#impulsesv#impulsesv fanart#wild life#wild life smp#wild life fanart#trafficblr
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so like is it specifically planets the solver craves or can it get by with just eating dirt off the ground
#thank you those people in that one server i havent been there long enough to remember names#for bringing up the idea#is very funny#god i have genuinely no idea what to do for n's dialogue boxes. cannot think of a gimmick whatsoever#suprise attack by the artstyle change. i am imploding right now#cannot settle on any style whatsoever. genuinely changing by the hour#so strangely proud of ns hand in this one i dont know what it is about it but i really like it#hats still pisses me off though. why so difficult to draw#murder drones#art#murder drones uzi#murder drones n#serial designation n#murder drones cyn#or its#murder drones absolutesolver#who knows at this point#murder drones skig#still fighting tooth and nail for the tail to be named skig. it fits so well#iz go attack glitch headquarters for me#i think its late enough i can keep this unspoilered
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Boss!Aven for @starryjellyfishie !!
Thank you so much once again for commissioning me! :D 💙
#hsr aventurine#bossturine#hsr#honkai star rail#aventurine of stratagems#boss aventurine#cropped because i dont know how much is it considered mature content..#not taking risks#that is a bit hypocritical when posting about aventurine HAHAH#honkai fanart#artists on tumblr#my art#illustration#art#commission#who am i kidding the previous boss!Aven was questionable too
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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last one i promise(<—lie)
#let’s as a society think more about why adrien wanted to go to school#and what. perhaps. he thought school was#i think the way chloe describes it she really is just a beautiful rich girl with too much time on her hands#and no one at school is treating her accordingly.#abby got so mad at me today because she thinks it’s too cringe that i keep taking about adrien liking ohshc#which is like. how are you gonna know me my whole life and then be disappointed when i’m cringe.#i’ve never hidden who i am. it’s cringe all the way down#anyway#ml#my art#miraculous ladybug#adrien agreste#chloe bourgeois#ohshc#wait i am gonna tag this thirteen actually. just go with me#thirteen
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can we start placing bets about the live action voltron movie. everyone download draftkings right now
#shitpost#voltron#I’m pretty sure they’re adapting the original anime so like who knows what’s going to happen#I feel like they’re not going to make Allura a Paladin and they’ll like tease it in the lead up to the movie but they won’t actually do it#they’ll probably save making Allura a Paladin in the sequel that will never happen because this movie is going to die at the box office#I think they’re going to make all the paladins white or white passing with maybe the exception of hunk#I do think they’ll make Allura a woman of color but the vibes are going to be soooo weird I am already praying for her future actress#also I guarantee there will be romantic tension between Allura and keith and then conservatives are going to post rage bait articles#about them being a mixed race couple
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makes me a little sad when star trek ignores IDIC. like. vulcans are logical. that is true. But 'logical', for vulcans, does not amount to 'without compassion,' and it definitely doesn't amount to 'racial superiority.' Belief in 'infinite diversity in infinite combinations' should NOT result in the weird racist/speciest stuff we're getting in some of the newer treks. It does make sense that some vulcans are discriminatory. They're still flawed. But that should not be common or expected, like it seems to be in SNW. If it is, then it's a race of hypocrites, which. doesn't seem very true to Star Trek's message.
I think TOS Spock does a pretty good job of embodying this. Not always, it was the 60s, after all, but mostly. He was often trying to find non-violent routes, and get by without killing - even if they were in danger or had already been attacked. (See: the mugato, and the horta (until Kirk was the one in danger, lmao. t'hy'la > IDIC), the Gorn ship). Kirk, in his eulogy, calls him the most human soul he's ever known, and I've always read that as Kirk calling out Spock's overwhelming compassion.
It's just so much more interesting when Vulcans get to be radically compassionate. I want them to believe that everything and everyone has value. I want them to respect all ways of being. I want them to find ways for even very non-humanoid aliens to exist unfettered in society. I want them to see hybrids and think that it's amazing. Also, like, disability rep. I want Vulcans to have The Most Accessible Planet and available resources because they want everyone to feel accepted and valued. It makes for better characters and more interesting stories.
#tbh feels like some weird racist/misogynistic enlightenment-era philosophy coming through when they do that. y'know?#like 'oooh if you're fully logical you're BETTER than those who have EMOTIONS like WOMEN do'.#and the paramount execs are eating it up like 'yesss logic means being an ASS to people LESS LOGICAL than you!'.#like really guys. c'mon#like it makes sense in TAS that spock would get bullied by some kids. kids bully. that's common. makes sense that even vulcan kids bully#but if ADULTS are OFTEN doubting spock because he's half-human? that just kinda sucks. if i may it's even illogical#IDIC for me but not for thee type thing.#i think that being discriminatory should be a source of shame on a vulcan's house.#i think vulcans should adore learning about other cultures#star trek#vulcan#star trek vulcan#vulcans#vulcan culture#spock#star trek tos#tos#star trek the original series#sorry for my lack of mention of other major vulcan characters. I am so so behind in my star trek watching.#from what i've heard tuvok is also a good example. i know next to nothing about t'pol so couldn't say for her.
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Someone: *mentions doctor who*
Me, vibrating with the effort it’s taking to not talk about something no average show watcher would even have heard of: oh yeah cool show
#it’s so easy to get me to talk about obscure doctor who shit#I will bring up looms#and my options on time lords#doctor who#this is nothing against people who have only watched the show or don’t know any lore I am just insane
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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