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mohammedatallah · 1 month ago

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Supporters, please support us to save lives, family and children, and to have an operation on my hand, which was shot with an explosive bullet and I need a bone graft, please.💔🍉🦋🍓

https://gofund.me/8b2ac999

Hello everyone, I hope you are all well. There are no words to express how grateful I and my family are to all of you. We are a family of 13, including my young children Malak, Ameer, Retaj, Rahaf, Saja, Alaa, Amani, Iman, Sobhi, Alaa, Ahmed, my husband and my injured brother Mohammed. When we launched this fundraising campaign, I never imagined that it would receive so much love, generosity and compassion. I honestly began to lose hope and wondered if our innocent children would ever find safety again; I was preparing for the worst. Your unwavering support has made me and my family feel hopeful again.

My one and greatest wish is that by the time the Rafah crossing reopens, I will have raised the necessary funds to evacuate my family. Individuals are paying huge sums ranging from $5,000 to $10,000 per person for evacuation, but every small donation can make a big difference. We send our sincere gratitude once again to everyone who donated, shared our story, or both, or even prayed for us. Thanks to you, we reached €20,000 out of €82,000 in a matter of days. Your contributions have made a huge difference, but we still have a long way to go before we reach our goal.

Please continue to support us and share our story so that our children and grandchildren can survive this brutal and relentless massacre of our people and not just be numbers on your phone screens. I know that donations are not easy in these times, but I believe that every contribution has the power to change someone’s life. That is why I am participating in this campaign with all my faith, not only to save them, but also to protect their dreams and help them get out of Gaza.

Before this war, I was a business administration student in my last semester of university in Gaza. I was looking forward to graduating and using my new degree to help my husband with his work. But I lost my home and my university. I also lost my uncle who was killed. He had young children like me. My family has lost all their livelihoods because of this war, and we are still clinging to life. We are currently living in miserable conditions - my two young children, Amir and Malak (whose picture I shared here) are crying because of the lack of basic food. Mohammed is waiting for evacuation and surgery, and my father is also in need of medical treatment. We are constantly trying to make ends meet while hunger and thirst try to kill us. Every day the scene continues to be filled with depression, sadness, fear and terror, the siege imposed on us and the genocide that pursues us and all kinds of torment and suffering and the spread of diseases, all this and more kills life in Gaza and kills our existence, and our lives have turned into a never-ending nightmare amidst hopes hanging by a thin thread, we are suffering now and do not know what tomorrow holds for us, and we do not know when this war will end because we have lost everything beautiful and we are about to lose more, we face harsh conditions and a dark future for our lives, displacement, poverty and pain, but there is a glimmer of hope,

We will not forget how you stood by us in the darkest times of our lives, thanks to each one of you, safety is no longer a distant dream, things will never return to the way they were, but knowing that there are brave souls there who will always stand by our side is what prevents us from completely surrendering to despair. With your help and generous donations, we can leave Gaza and build a new life and rise from the rubble.

Thank you,

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taitropa · 1 year ago

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Whatever threat looms in the air, Inej feels the anticipation of it like a knife balanced over its mark. Tension heavier than the stone in her belly settles between Joker and Kaz enough to displace her in her seat. She shifts and watches both men regard each other with an equal measure of barely repressed heat in their opposing gazes. Flint to ice water.

Around them, the Crow Club carries on business as usual. But there is an air of awareness to the patrons and their movement as it pertains to the impending damage sure to be inflicted at the bar. The card players keep casting their attention away from their game to catch a glimpse of whatever horrors Dirtyhands will impose on Joker. Kaz is a picture of composure, but if you stay in his presence long enough, you learn of this facade. It’s a dangerous one, like a snake preparing to strike. Quiet and unassuming before the rage takes over.

When Joker cuts the distance between himself and Kaz, that finally brings Inej to her feet. A sharp twinge in her side goes ignored. Kaz cocks his head in response, a small and minute tell, but doesn’t look at her, and it is the only reason she does not reach for a saint strapped to her body. The message is clear: Don’t even think about it.

Kaz makes no sign that a bridge of understanding clears Joker’s presence up for him. The tip of his head switches sides, this time in the direction of the stairs to his office above like an invitation though Joker had been the one to extend it. Joker’s already stalking away.

Inej is a hurried blockade on light feet before Kaz can shadow his guest. Her voice is even lighter, carried on a hushed breath intended only for him. “What did you do?”

“Did you get my uniforms?” He doesn’t even look at her. Joker remains in his field of vision when Inej is nearly a foot leveled beneath him, but she stands her ground and waits until he drops his gaze to meet hers. It drops lower to where her side now burns, but only fleetingly before it locks on her once more. Whatever he sees in her eyes, it has him clenching his jaw in preparation for a fight. Why does he see a threat in her when it's Joker who has promised one in all but action?

“Yes. Of course. Now tell me–” But then he is brushing around her, that tap of his cane warning the nosey Club patrons around them of his departure. Inej steels her spine and grits her teeth against the sting of that brushoff before turning to watch Kaz join Joker for the climb. “Thank you, Inej,” she intones bitterly. Returning to the bar is not ideal, she’d rather scale the side of the building to listen in on whatever goes on upstairs, but she rather thinks she deserves another shot.

Joker’s shoulders give way first. The cigarette he’d been draining draws vaporous zigzags between himself and the bar. He refuses to perch at between Brekker and Inej like a sacrificial goat…so he holds his ground. Werewolf coughs, lifts his elbow to cover and noxious fumes that shoot from his mouth, then squeezes his eyes shut and wrenches. Its staccato may unsettle those within direct earshot. He’s quick to grimace and half-reach for his burning throat.

There’s no humor in his laugh. The tears that slip from Joker's eyes stem from squeezing them shut so forcefully that his sclera blow bright pink and burn.

Sokol tries to runnel between his master’s arms so he can perform his task, but Joker buckles and closes his chest off completely. A step to the left — more of a stagger, disguises how he throws his elbow up to kill the hiccuping noise that sends the hall spinning and exacerbates the aberrant knocking on Crow Club’s walls. Doesn’t drown the whispers either. Joker swats at empty air and hikes backward to dry-heave. Sokol capitalizes. The wolf-dog leaps onto his hind legs and swings his massive paws over Joker’s shoulders. Sokol then walks forward once he’s hooked in, pressuring Joker’s chest with the barrel of his so thick black fur rubs off on his red blazer and yellow waistcoat, perhaps even casting the illusion that a true lycan has transformed without the moon’s assistance. No natural light enters Crow Club, yet somehow he’s transformed.

Standing on two legs is cumbersome for the animal. Joker pats the blades of Sokol’s shoulders and continues his bark-laugh until the pressure against his narrow chest forces him to breathe. The first breath rakes a hot coal down his sternum from the inside. Werewolf winces into that sting, then flashes his teeth and forces each breath to channel into a nasal, gut-rooted chuckle that he can’t kill at will. Its gradual fade buys him enough time to pat the wolf-dog twice so he drops from his shoulders, tilt his head at Brekker like a dog himself, then smooth his lapels and take two smooth, albeit silent strides closer. His hips guide his gait, casting the illusion that he may not touch earth at all. The Chief’s Special isn’t silent, though. That five-round revolver voices its suggestion against his hip after each footfall. Joker’s hand-heel smooths the revolver’s outline, though he doesn’t reach for it.

The red comma-like eyebrows painted on his forehead disappear behind its creases when Joker, incredulous, takes a puff of smoke and reminds him, “Wh-what business…?!”

His smile won’t leave the scarlet makeup’s margins. He keeps more than an arm’s length away, yet watches the doors out the corner of his eye should he get lucky and Nix arrives early. Realistically she can’t. Fool’s hope pins his focus to the entrance every so often.

Smiling too wide for the situation at hand, he shoots smoke out his nostrils and rephrases, “I don’t know…" with palpable vitriol, "What ‘business’ did you have going out of your way to…”

Inej shades his periphery. Joker clears his throat, sticks the cigarette back in his mouth, then shifts from foot to foot and nudges his crown toward the staircase.

“This…” Kaz and himself, “—doesn’t have anything to do with her. Let me shoot you in your god damn office — at least your brains’ll match the linen.”

Joker pivots toward the staircase and, on a diagonal, stalks toward it. One hand keeps precariously close to his pocket concealing the .38 should one of Kaz’s bouncers try and be cute.

#jokethur #🔪「 THREAD. 」𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 & 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦.#🔪「 JOKETHUR. 」001.#( I'm passing the phone to someone who ACTUALLY writes Kaz Brekker... LOL )

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octobers-veryown · 7 months ago

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LITTLE THREAD OF ARTISTS THAT YOU CAN SUPPORT IN THE ACOTAR FANDOM

✨

@velidewrites

Velide is a good friend and an amazing artist and writer, she has a lot of content that you can enjoy and support! Just check her Cassian or one of hers Lucien! And she has a whole NSFW series that you can easily find in her masterlist xx

✨

@laxibbeb Laxi is one of my fav artists here and you should definitely check her works. I am so fond of this Elucien Piece that she created for the last Elucien Week!

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@krem-does-stuff One and only Krem, she's one of the most talented person that I know and her style is unique ♥️ I am very grateful to have a Kaz Brekker made just for me 🥺

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@witchlingsandwyverns I am so obsessed with her art I can't even explain, her Gwynriel pieces are insane. It just scratches my brain in the right way!

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@dustjacketdraws She has two of my fav Nessian pieces ever!! This one is my absolute favorite

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@ginya-writes I just discovered this artist and I love their latest Feysand!

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If you have any other suggestions please add to this list!

#elucien #gwynriel #nessian #acotar art #acotar #Feysand #Support real artists #artists #artists on tumblr #sarah j maas #a court of thorns and roses

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xalicitie · 2 years ago

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Unwarranted Thoughts — Kaz Brekker (smut)

You’re a new member of Kaz’s gang of crows. You and your boss share a cryptic relationship which neither of you seem to understand how to approach, but within one night in which you attend to a dire wound Kaz receives in battle, the two of you discover your true feelings for each other.

This is only the first half of the story, I’m posting this to see if it actually gets any attention and whether I really want to post it cause I’ve never actually posted smut in my life. If it gets enough response I’ll post part 2

"Sit down here."

Kaz had a hand pressed tautly against the detrimental wound pulsating at his ribcage; blood was melting through his clothes as he stumbled into the seat. You were beginning to hurriedly gather the loosely placed medical supplies along the countertops—scrambling, to say the least. It was rare for Kaz to get injured in battle like this in battle, it sparked a panic hotter than Hell in your chest.

"You're bleeding badly." You said as you placed your hands under the running water of the sink. "Take your shirt off."

Kaz, without a word, followed your orders. Although the command did catch him off guard, he followed through without a thought.

Fleetingly, you rinsed your hands and dried them, then sped to Kaz's side, spilling all kinds of tools onto the table adjacent.

Upon facing back to your boss, It took you quite the moment to realize that he was already shirtless. The shame at your involuntarily wandering eyes set in quickly as you turned your focus to his wound.

It was nasty. A successful sword strike—any further into his core and you might've not been able to fix him up in time.

"How the hell did you get this?" You asked, splitting the silence as you grabbed a large cloth.

"I was caught off guard. Stupid bandits pulled an ambush." You quirked a brow, hoping to distract him as you readied the cloth before the wound. His chest heaved, and you just couldn't seem to decipher whether your thundering heartbeat was due to the direness of the situation or the picture of Kaz Brekker shirtless.

You scolded yourself for even considering such a thing at such a moment.

"Ready yourself. I'm going to apply pressure to the wound." You warned.

"Hurry up and get it over with." He said with a low voice.

You did just that. The moment you enforced pressure onto his side, he breathed a pained groan, eyebrows furrowed as his hands clasped the side of the chair. You tried not to think at all as you continued to try and stop the bleeding.

After such treacherous few minutes, you pulled the cloth, dripping with Kaz's blood—a grotesque sight—to see his wound had just barely stopped producing blood.

"Okay, stay with me." You looked up to your boss to see a tired, pained expression. You could see his unwillingness to completely show you that he was suffering just threading his mien, but the pain seemed to be just enough to tear through most of his armor. "Are you okay?" You asked.

"Yes. Fine." He spat quickly, harshly. "Just, keep on going."

Throughout the whole process of healing his wound, all during it you never seemed to get habituated to the sight of his bare chest. You never thought you'd live to see him so vulnerable, it was certainly novel, to say the least.

Still, you completely forced denial unto your filthy thoughts. Even if they lingered there, watching his muscles heave and move with his breaths, the twitch of his face at the pain, you told yourself they did not exist. You scolded to yourself that it was shameful to conjure up such nasty thoughts at a time like this.

"Okay." You concluded after such tense silence. The wound was cleaned and ready to be covered, and Kaz was still alive. Thank the Saints.

"Can you sit up?" You asked, and Kaz nodded. You were just about to lend a hand before he starting grudgingly lifting himself up on his own. You knew he wouldn't accept your help.

Every rise of his chest, the more your thoughts roused and resisted being denied. The more your heartbeat gained acclimation again, your lips parting, watching as his brunette hair fell before his face, eyes hidden in a shadow, only the lightest of his blue eyes apparent. You knew the look of him right now would be stuck in your mind for the coming weeks.

If Kaz saw you right now, oh you didn't dare let him get a peak of your disorientation right now. You spoke quickly to hide your adoring face. "Hold still. This is going to take a second."

With a muttered "mhm", you kneeled down before him to get closer to his wound.

You were so utterly sinful. As you wrapped the linen bandage around his waist, each little contiguity, each little brush of the skin brought you filthier thoughts. You grasped for control, and just barely—after a torturously long moment—you fixed the bandage around his wound.

"Okay, you're good." You said with finality. Kaz nodded at you, and the moment you thought it was over you began putting the supplies away. You wanted get as far away from this little crush on your newly appointed boss as possible.

"Y/n." You froze and turned back to Kaz at the sound of your name, now finally donned in his vest again. "You've been hurt, too."

His eyes led you to the cut that had been bothering you for awhile. It was just at you lower side, sitting just below your breast.

"Oh, it's..nothing." You brushed off, hoping to settle for some good rest. You began to walk back over to the supplies when Kaz called for you once more.

"Don't think you're leaving here without that being properly bandaged." Oh, Saints. "It could get infected."

There was no way out of this. You sighed audibly, relenting at his wish, more so command.

You sauntered slowly over to the chair as Kaz leisurely climbed out of it, allowing you to sit atop, as he just had done before. Kaz began again gathering the supplies while you sat, wary of what was to come. The cut was placed at a certainly tricky place.

Moments passed and he had the supplies together. His gaze fell upon your apprehensive one. You felt yourself tense at his undivided attention. "Lift up your shirt."

Your lips fell agape at the sudden words. Breathing pattern hectic once again, you followed through with his command just somehow.

Kaz slowly walked over to you. He held a wet cloth in his gloved hand, and as he approached, the air between the two of you thickened so much you felt it, each inch, as it sat between you and your boss. You were absolutely disheveled, eyes not knowing where to look.

The sensation of the cloth hitting your cut made you cringe and seethe out a strained breath. You heard his breaths, each one, one after the other, as he scrutinized you.

..You were so close.

The silence was grating and horribly tense.

You and Kaz looked at each other, and for a moment it seemed he were having the same thoughts.

Then, as each one of your filthy dreams went, you watched in utter disbelief as Kaz Brekker leaned his head in towards yours. As his unoccupied, right, gloved hand traveled towards the nave of your neck, you melting below him, moving towards him meekly. Still with no idea what was happening.

Yours and Kaz's lips hovered not even an inch before each other, both your eyes closed, relishing in the moment. Your chest fell and rose, cheeks burning, everything ablaze.

Is this a dream?

Part 2 is up!

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker smut #kaz brekker fanfiction #six of crows #shadow and bone #freddy carter #kanej #kaz brekker oneshot #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #kaz dirtyhands brekker #crooked kingdom #fanfiction #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you

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writing-havoc · 2 years ago

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HEY! HOW ARE YOU? would you be willing to make a kaz brekker x reader? if possible a soulmate au? I'm obsessed with this trope! maybe name on the wrist or the one where with just a touch of skin you see the colors? I imagine one where r is not part of the dregs but is quite indifferent/receptive to the fact that kaz is the leader of a gang. r is a seamstress, using her skills to hide that she is a fabrikator, and she (can be gn if you want!) and kaz know they are soulmates, though they never talk about it. they can even be a 'thing' secretly, and it would be adorable if they were both childhood friends. maybe before the events of SoC kaz decided to make their relationship official (with a request for courtship alá brekker or even a marriage on paper) and after CK he is even more desperate for this, wanting to protect r at all costs. oh, it would be very interesting if r had a younger sister aged 8/9 who loves kaz and vice versa since she is very quiet and obedient and loves to listen to kaz's stories. even better if he secretly called her little crow. bonus if the girl's name is astra and she is also a hidden grisha, an inferni or another etherealki i would love to see this from your point of view and with her writing it would be amazing but feel free to decline if you don't want to. Did I already say that you write very well? well then know. YOU ARE INCREDIBLY TALENTED!!!!!!

Silent tears

♡ Summary: Before the events of the ice court, Kaz feels relatively content with his feelings and relationship with you. After? Not so much.

♡ Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

♡ Fandom: Six of Crows, Grishaverse

♡ Warning(s): Mentions vomit a few times, Gun, Death, uses yn twice

♡ WC: 5.4k

Aaaa thank you sm for this request!! Loved all the little details I had to include. It was interesting writing for a reader that wasn't part of the dregs.

Thank you for your kind words <3

I made Astra a Squallor here. And it's up to your interpretation if the reader and Kaz are dating or otherwise before the ending.

As always, please excuse any grammar and spelling mistakes

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

The sound of a sewing machine filled the small shop. It was loud, punching the table he knows it's rested on and creating a rumbling in the floor.

Gowns and suits and vests filled the racks around the store, some on display on fake bodices. They wore outfits, tantalizing window shoppers to enter and run their fingers along the fabrics.

The velveteen looked high quality, mixed with some sort of spandex fabric around the waist to hug its wearer. Pearls and lace flow across shoulders and down the side of gowns, some even including embroidery.

As he moved along, suits and gowns turns into vests and petticoats. The walls were decorated with hats of various function, most made for looks and flare rather than functionality. Behind the desk even existed a rack of long coats and various sweaters, more than likely just to fill up space than to be sold.

The sound ceased, and he rung the bell at the desk.

"Coming!" Called a voice. He stopped himself from smoothing out his own coat, in turn adjusting his gloves.

Heavy footsteps presented him with your kind figure, heels unconsciously stomping against the wood floor compared to the concrete of the backroom.

You smiled at him, picking off little strings of thread the fell into your lap and stuffing them into a pouch at your side.

"I've just finished your order." He felt just as much as he seen you change from business to something more lax, shoulders drooping and the lines between your brows disappearing. "Gimme one moment to put everything in the box- oh, would you turn the sign around, please?"

"A bit all over the place, are we?" He turned around, hearing you release a big sigh.

"Just about, it seems."

The people walking outside turned to look at the store, smiles on their faces. It was mildly amusing to watch them fall as he turned the sign, giving him a glare as he continued to stare them down. He didn't turn until they left, everyone else's eyes only flashing to the window for a moment before diverting elsewhere the second the closed sign came into view.

Window shopping is pointless when the building is closed.

"You wanted... two suits, one the shade of coal and the other a light purple, a wine red gown, a mask, and a pair of gloves?"

He turned his attention back to you, holding a rather large, yet flat, wooden crate. The inside was filled with the colors you just mentioned, a pair of leather gloves on top acting as paperweights for his order.

You set the crate down for him to look through. He removes the paper, taking the gloves into his hands and holding them out to examine.

And admire.

You aren't a leatherworker. You're a seamstress. And yet, you make the finest pair of leather gloves he has ever seen. Sometimes he'll even catch little designs marked into the gloves, the integrity of the material somehow unfazed.

"Make the slits bigger. Just two millimeters." He hands them to you.

You raise a brow, knowing that you made everything to his usual specifications.

But you take them back, entertaining him. You look at the locked door, and then raise your hand over the gloves.

Grisha power isnt super fascinating to him anymore. When he was little he would beg you to demonstrate your power, handing you pieces of worn fabric to do as you pleased with.

He would watch the thin threads thickened and the material became warped around the edges. Jordie would stand next to him, watching you solely because Kaz dragged him over every single time. You would hold out the newly mended piece of cloth, and he and his brother would clap ans rejoice.

But he still likes to watch you work. To see as your mouth opens and your tongue folds over your canines as you focused.

You give them back to him, and he inspects them once more.

"These will do." He ends up saying, appreciation left for the darker hours in the night.

You roll your eyes and rustle around with the paper held underneath your arm, fingers quickly calculating the math of the order.

Usually he doesn't do a batch of this size while he's still figuring out a job, but the way he sees it there's no way he can't have just about everybody present. Which these days is incredibly rare.

A pin is taken from the cushion on your wrist, planting itself into the red gown. But as you take out two pieces of paper, writing probably a total and your name, he can't help but stare at the ink peeking out from beneath it.

He knows what it says, just as well as he knows the name on his own.

He's seen it once as you pulled up your sleeve during the summer, the fine etching displaying his name, his old name, clear as day before you hurriedly slipped the pin cushion back onto it. He looked away that day, pretending he didn't see.

It feels so much harder to pretend now.

"This is your total. And I will need your signature on both of them, Mr. Brekker."

Your smile is playful, then. As he takes the pen from your outstretched hand.

"As I've told you before, yn, Kaz is fine."

"Oh, but how could I be so informal, Mr. Brekker?" You put your hand on your chest, face twisted into a poor impression of someone who has just been scandalized. "We are business partners, after all."

And just like in those books you always read, he feels his eyes soften, if only a bit as his brows and jaw relax. "Business partners doesn't cover the surface."

You take the confession and relax with it, rubbing the center of your chest. "You're right."

He thinks back to a time when you were both little, each staring at your blank wrist with solemn eyes. He would look at you as you rubbed the soft skin, fingertips and dirty nails gently tracing lines into it.

He would sit next to you, shoulders knocking together, and you would look up at him, expression changing as you grabbed his wrist and squeezed it.

At the time, he would never say it, the thought turning his ears pink and quickening his adolescent heart, but he would hope that your wrists would match, displaying the others name. He would hope that one day that sad and far off face would cease to exist, and instead would be full of complete and utter joy as you looked at him and exclaim that you knew it. Because you wanted him, too.

But now that he knows, he still wouldn't say anything. You never said anything, and he wasn't in any position or state of mind to say anything to you when he eventually saw his, ash sticky and cold flesh tainting the memory, your scream as you watched him swim to the harbor on Jordie's corpse, and his own as you went to grab him.

It stays locked away, with the rest of the things that feel too hard to touch.

He signs a fake name on both of them, taking one and handing the other to you for your personal records, and then takes out the kruge and hands it to you.

"Is Dirix out back to handle these or do you want a bag for them?"

He sighs. "Dirix is down at the Harbour. A bag will have to do."

"Can I pick the bag?" A new voice calls from the backroom.

He holds back a smile, but fails to stop the corner of his lips from turning up temporarily. He averts his eyes to the doorway where a little girl peeks around the corner, a wide smile on her face as she looks right at him.

"Of course, Astra." You say, and immediately she scurried up to the counter to take a look at the load she has to find a bag for.

Your younger sister, Astra, was moved up here a few years after you were, your parents having passed from the flu and grandparents too old to take on the task of raising a six year old. Much less a six year old who could summon the wind at any time she wants.

Thankfully, you had started your seamstress business a year before that, and had this store with your living space up above to take her in with.

Business was always booming here, your talent for fabrics and all things fashion put on display and loved by the masses. You spent pretty much your entire life studying the trends that wormed their way here, even getting ahead of the train numerous times and working into the darkest hours to make your profit.

Now you can afford the more pricey fabrics, and get the attention of the richer folk over in the Geldstraat.

He helps, of course, with his dirty work.

"I know the perfect one." Astra scurries away.

You chuckle, hearing a small "wow!" and a flurry of footsteps. "She's going to pick the most obnoxious bag, I hope you know."

He takes a breath then, and looks down at the gloves still in his hand. "I wouldn't expect anything less from her."

There's a moment of silence, watching you from his peripheral as you stare at the gloves too.

"I didnt like the last pair." You admit. "So I made the design more low-key. The last one was too flashy for your aesthetic."

He's wearing those gloves now, and they aren't even flashy. The design is just slightly more pronounced.

The way you measure how flashy something is has a much smaller threshold than most. Even by his standards, it's very small, and he's far from the most colorful being in Ketterdam.

Astra comes back with, of course, a large bright pink fabric bag, twine tied in the shape of a flower tied around the handles.

"Good choice!" You praise, taking the clothes out of the crate and laying them neatly in the bag while she beams at him.

"Do you like the bag?"

And normally, he'd say something incredibly passive aggressive.

But he actually likes Astra, and knows how easy it is to stamp out a child's heart, that level of emotional regulation and individuality not yet found in them.

"Its wonderful, little crow."

"Alright, give this to him, like I showed you." You pushed her along, and she rounded the counter, holding the sides of the bag, leaving the handles free for him to grab.

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't just a little moved by that.

Astra wasn't allowed to help you until a few months ago, when she basically got on her hands and knees and begged to be of some help. You claim that you didn't give in right away, but he knows you better than that.

You have told her that he doesn't like to be touched, and it was a little hard for such a touch reliant girl to wrap her mind around that. After a few close calls, she got the general idea down.

"Pleasure doing business with you." He tips his hat, and watches as her little cheeks become pink as she curtsies.

"Ill be making stew like my mom made if you want to stop by later." You suggest.

Astra grins from ear to ear. "But not too later, if you can help it. I want to hear another story."

"At this rate I won't have any stories left to tell you."

She thinks about that for a moment, lips pursing and looking around the room. "Oh!" She shouts, face lighting up. "Can you tell me that one story again? About you and my sister getting lost in the woods down south?"

He pretends to think about it, looking around the room as if in search for the memory. "I think I can do that. You and your sister might have to fill in on some of the details, though."

She grins, pride welling up in her chest that she puffs out, holding out her hand. "The deal is the deal."

He takes her hand into his, giving it a firm shake. "The deal is the deal."

Kaz takes a moment to look back up at you, and his heart nearly leaps out his chest when he sees the way you're looking at him, a small smile he doesn't think he's seen before and eyes filled with so /much/ that he's surprised your whole eye isn't black. Your head rests into your fingers, arm wrapped around your waist. It's an expression he's seen rarely, but it always seems to catch him off guard.

It looks a lot like yearning, he thinks.

But he puts it away for later.

When you catch that he's looking, you take a deep breath, schooling your expression and wiping off imaginary dust from your clothes.

"Alright Astra, Kaz has important business to attend to."

Astra pouts from beside him, but gives him her goodbyes and walks into the backroom again.

He straightens. It's oddly difficult to keep eye contact with you, but he does anyway, flicking between the both of them.

"If I have time, I'll stop by." He gives in.

You're happy with that. "Ill even add extra broth for you."

"Sweetening the offer I see."

You put your hands on your hips, shrugging. "A girl's got to do what she's got to do."

The implications of that are hefty, too hefty with a cane in one hand and a bright pink bag of clothes in the other.

So he ignores it, and nods, taking his leave out the front door and back to the Slat.

-----

He stares at the plan before him in his mind, going over each and every way this can and probably will go sideways.

Breaking into the most secure prison in probably the whole world with nothing more than the scrapings of a plan, one of the essential persons in a different prison, and your presense completely plaguing his mind.

The third one isn't exactly new, but he can't help but think about you when his survival rate went from low on the daily average to basically zero with one handshake.

But thirty million kruge...

Thirty million kruge could go a long way. That's four million for him, most of which he could put towards the crow club and expanding his empire, taking down Pekka, and securing his place as one of the top bosses in Ketterdam.

He could secure his place in the food chain, and maybe, maybe then he...

Maybe.

He entertains the thought of a marriage certificate. Having something that ties you and him together both eternally and in the eyes of everyone else. Being able to hold that slip of paper when he can't hold your hand and feeling like it matters.

It's hard to keep the thought away, now that he's alone with a glass of kvas and death staring him in the eyes.

He doesn't plan on dying soon. Not for a long time. He has vengeance to exact and many more dinners to join you for.

But it's a very real possibility, and he must debate with himself going to you and telling you all this before he leaves.

If it was any other job, Kaz would send Inej to tell you that he would be gone for a few days and to not expect him. If it was literally any other job, he wouldn't even consider getting up from his chair, marching down those stairs and up yours, and discussing the undiscussable to at least satisfy the gnawing in his stomach.

Because he knows that if you find out he died and he knew that he was basically guaranteed to do so and he didn't bother to tell you himself, you would never forgive him.

Granted, he would be dead, so in theory it doesn't matter.

He picks up his cane and gloves, shoving them over his hands and throwing on his long coat. He doesn't even have to look at the coat rack to find his hat, putting it on and making his way out of the Slat and to your address without a word to anyone else.

The theories mean nothing, in the face of reality.

You're making stew with extra broth, he might die in a few days, and he doesn't want you to think ill of him when he can't look you in the eye and try to convince you to feel otherwise.

As the cold bites his nose, he thinks back to that look you were giving him when he made that deal with your sister.

It's nearly enough to make him turn around, muscles tingling and a shiver rolling down his back that's unrelated to the cold. He feels sick. Warm and a feeling in his stomach he only feels late in the night in the comfort of his own bed.

He can't do this.

He picks the lock on your door.

He can't tell you.

He opens the door, locking it behind him.

He can't think of you like that.

He walks up the stairs, the smell of stew just barely reaching his senses as he enters the kitchen.

He can't.

You're sitting at the table, two empty bowls on the table and fabric thrown over your legs, threading them together. Your finger is bleeding, and he wants to wipe it away.

"You're late." You smile, eyelids heavy.

He takes off his hat, putting it on the hook you installed when he started coming over. "Or I'm just in time."

You laugh quietly, sticking the needle in the fabric and pulling it off your lap. "Just in time about sums it up."

He's a monster.

You turn your back to him and enter your room, draping the project on your desk.

The pot is still steaming, and his throat feels clogged.

"Ill be gone for a while."

You turn around, and he can't watch you anymore. He takes off his coat and drapes it over the chair.

"How long?" Your voice is soft, approaching him.

"Few weeks."

He's a coward.

You hum, setting down a bowl of stew with extra broth in front of him. "Thats a long time, even for you."

He clenched his jaw, heart pounding in his ears. The light catches the stew, making rainbows in the broth. Chunks of lamb, potatoes, pieces of ham, carrots, and greens he can't see dance in the soup as he stirs it.

"Bigger reward for the troubles." Is all he says.

The troubles, he thinks, that he can't get past the lump in his throat. The trouble that you of all people deserve to know.

He glances up at you, and he recognizes the look on your face all too well.

You're very aware of his gang affiliation.

He actually attempted to cut ties with you after he got associated with the Dregs. You threw a crate at him and called him mad for suggesting as such. He only risked to bring it up one other time, and you had yelled at him and about cried when he turned to leave, throwing a rock at his freshly poorly healed leg.

He swiveled around at glared at you, but you didn't flinch in the face of Dirtyhands. Just glared at him, told him you're not going anywhere, and then left /him/ before he could protest.

It took him a week to figure out that, despite you not wanting to cut ties with him, you didn't completely agree either. You didn't bother trying to convince him to leave, but you have on numerous occasions begged him to be careful, adorning this exhausted look.

You don't say a lot anymore, but the expression has stayed relatively the same, if a bit rounder on the edges.

"How bad?" You asked.

He abhors the way his heart squeezes, like it has a mind of its own while his brain yells at him to keep you out of it.

He wants to throw up.

How does he tell you there's a greater chance than not he'll die, now matter how much he wants to make it back to you?

How does he tell you you might never get to see him again? Or see Jesper or Inej?

He swallowed some broth, licking his lips.

"Pretty bad."

He's such a fucking coward.

"Ynnn." He hears a hoarse voice call. He looks up, seeing Astra stroll in and rest her chin on the kitchen table. "You didnt tell me Kaz finally came."

When he looks at you to see your response, its to his absolute horror that he catches you wiping your eyes, then pull your little sister to your side.

"You were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you."

"M'you should've."

You glance up at him, and smile against Astra's hair.

"You're right. I should've."

-----

'Damn it all,' he thought in a panic. 'Damn everything. Go find them.'

It was a dangerous, recurring thought that he had when he went anywhere near the Zelver District, whenever he had to go through the canals that run along its edge and connect to nearly every other canal.

Even now as he puts everything in place to send Kuwei off on a fake bodyboat. It only half surprises him that the sight doesn't make him all that uncomfortable. He's exhausted, lovesick, and has had the experience of several lifetimes within just a few weeks.

He wanted to send word to you to stay put during the alarms. But Pekka's crew strolled through your storefront not a few days ago, asking about your wares and probing for information. Inej had seen as such when she finally had the opportunity to check on you.

There was no guarantee that this plan would work. Pekka would have been dealt with regardless but the auction with Kuwei could have gone differently. No matter the confidence with which he laid out facts or with Wylan's newfound acting skills, there were too many variables that relied heavily on the actions of people outside his control.

It worked out, though. But now he has to worry about being unable to find you. It makes him nauseous. He actually feels his mouth begin to fill with saliva, but he keeps it down. Right now, he just has to get rid of Kuwei, and send off Colm, Nina, and Matthias to the boats that will take them to their respective countries.

A small part of his conscious nags at him. Of course he feels grief for his fallen Crow, incomparable to the grief Nina will have to face for the rest of her life.

But there's that much larger part of him that can't feel anything except the itching for your eyes on him.

Kaz makes a snarky comment about Kuwei's dead position, and leaves everyone to fill in the silence around him. There isn't much talking, aside from Jesper and his father, and then they're hugging and parting.

He hardly has it in him to stay while they leave, and eventually, before they even disappear from his eyesight, he's turning and marching up the Van Eck lawn towards the Zelver District.

He feels like he's going insane. Energy is surging through him like there's a heartrender pumping his system. When everything becomes familiar, that coffee shop you like with the Stroopwafel's coming into view, he can't help but break out into a run.

His leg feels like it may splinter.

But he's 4 million kruge richer, and he has something to ask you.

He's learned a lot, quite a bit of it against his will, since he left for Fjerda.

He will not let you become another life lesson.

Your door comes into view, and he nearly slams into it when his legs can't seem to stop and one of them is straining against his own body weight.

The lock picks nearly fell to the floor before he manages to unlock the store. He didn't even let the door close behind him before he rocketed up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

You were at the top, rifle in hand, pointing it at him with a fierceness in your eyes.

It all but crumbled when you seen who he was.

"Kaz?" You called, disbelief choking your words.

It takes a moment for him to catch his breath, most of his gasping done before he unlocked the door. But again, hes exhausted and lovesick, so air isnt really a luxury he seems to be able to afford. "The bruises don't make me that unrecognizable." He stands straighter, favoring his left leg.

You had half the mind to put the rifle on your kitchen table before you completely broke down in tears. Your arms hug your sides while your eyes boil over with tears and hot rage.

"You're such an asshole!" You yelled. "Getting put on the Stadwatch and the entire barrels shitlist? What the fuck kind of job did you take?"

He stepped forward, setting his cane next to your rifle and dropping into the chair next to you.

It still made his skin crawl. It still made his lungs burn with freezing cold water. It still made deadly blue hands grip at his legs and pull him under.

But he reached out, pulled you between his legs, and hugged your body to his, his cheek resting against your stomach.

You were warm. So very warm from working yourself up. And stiff. He could feel it under his arms as your thighs stuck together and the muscles surrounding your spine tightened into stone.

"Ka-Kaz?"

He ignored you in favor of ignoring his own body, tightening you into him as the waters punched his stomach and licked up his back.

You were warm, and as you relaxed, his face further sinking into your stomach, the water began to still. Still crushing against his organs, but not going any further.

Tears pushed on the back of his eyes. He squeezed them shut, taking in a shakey breath.

He was doing it. He was holding you, touching you, and it only made half his mind scream to be yanked away.

"I fought." He whispered. "I fought to come back." He swallows. "To you."

Tears thumped against the crown of his skull. He could hear your heart pounding despite its location.

"You left-" Your voice cut off in a squeak. Clearing your throat, he could feel, felt like a chore. "You left. And then you didn't come back. Your face was all over Ketterdam, and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep- I couldn't answer Astra's questions because I didn't know anything-"

"I was tricked." He gritted his teeth, loosening his grip on you just as you reached down and dragged your fingers over his shoulder, fixing a loose thread. "Deceived, and made a complete fool out of. I couldn't come back because they would have got you too."

Your fingers stopped. "Who did they get?"

A few tears leaked out the side of his eyes. The only tears, he decided, he was going to allow through. He was not a crier. And he had no intention of becoming one.

"Inej." You gasped, hand flying away from his head to cover your mouth, he would presume. "Which is why I couldn't get word to you. Why you had to remain in the dark."

He pulled back, looking up at your tear stained face. You wiped them away, sniffing up any snot that remained in your nose and cleared your throat.

For a while you didn't speak. You just stared at him. His hands had fallen to his knees, fingers barely touching your leg while your own held your elbows.

You were deep in thought. Occasionally a silent tear would work it's way down your cheek and tick against the floor. He remained still, watching as you worked your way through your thoughts.

Whatever you had to say, you were fighting for a better way to word it.

Eventually you reached out, swallowing as you searched for any indication he would retreat.

Instead he stared you head on, sweat building on brow. He was all touched out at the moment, but you wanted this. And he thinks it's the least you deserved after the complete emotional shipwreck he just put you through.

Your thumb brushed over his bruises, watching him wince when you accidentally pushed on them.

Scabs had begun to form over some of the wounds he refused to be healed. Two thin lines on his lips, one on his cheek, and one to his brow. You went over all of them, touching his lips last.

He thinks you meant to do that.

"If I had known this would be my fate when I saw my name on your wrist when we were children," you whispered, "I'd have slapped you stupid."

That makes his lips twitch. "And now?"

You swallow again, carefully brushing his hair away from his forehead so that your nails barely scratched the surface. "Now, I just want to look at you." You smiled, taking your hand back. "Somebody's already slapped you stupid for me."

"Believe me, there was no slapping."

The words make your smile disappear. He regrets saying them.

Somethings missing though, and he realizes it a lot later than he likes.

"Where's Astra?"

You smile, an airy breath escaping your nose. "She went down about half an hour before you stormed in here."

"You didn't send her off to your grandparents when the sirens went off?"

You scoffed. "And go where you couldn't find us?" You looked down, scuffing the floor with your sock covered feet. "You'd have lost your mind."

And that, you knowing him so intrinsically, is what he's going to use as an excuse for what he says next.

"Marry me."

It's so unlike him. He should have been less forward about it. Presented it to you like a business offer instead of demanding it of you.

Your head snaps up. Eyes wide as they stare at him.

"What?"

He scoots back, chair scraping across the floor as he stands.

"I do not present this to you lightly. After the events that have taken place, there will only be more people willing to tear me down. People who will want to use you to get to me."

The thought almost makes him want to back out. But if Kaz Brekker is anything, he is not someone who back tracks.

"It would be done in private. No one would know but the Dregs, or only the Crows, and your family. But if anybody does any digging and finds that certificate, you and Astra would be in danger."

You continue to stare, eyes still wide and mouth agape.

Sweat beads down his back, not helped by the long coat he neglected to take off. He also realizes that he's lost his hat somewhere on the way here, probably flown off in his rush to get here.

You close your mouth, clearing your throat. "I will marry you, Kaz, on one condition."

He shifts on his feet, leg still horribly sore. "That is?"

You cant help but smile. "I won't have to wear white."

And a giddy, childish sort of glee bubbles in his chest. There isn't anything, he thinks, that could have stopped the smile forming in his face, growing so wide as to show teeth. "You could wear the muckiest yellow the nation as to offer if you so wished."

Your nose scrunches, and one day he thinks he could kiss it.

"Astra will want to hear about your adventure." He could see your exhaustion from just thinking about that, your gaze averting once again to her door. "She'll be so excited to hear about your proposal too."

He follows your gaze, seeing the little drawing nailed to surface of her door.

One of them shows you and him with smiling faces, a little heart above your heads. You're holding hands, Kaz's gloves a distinct part of the portrait, with Astra above, clouds and a sun at the top of the page.

"Little crow will blow the entire building apart." He grimaces, thinking of a way to cover that up if the neighboring businesses hear it.

You sigh. "I have no idea what to do with her."

He turns back to you and leans forward, arms clasped behind his back as he presses his lips to your temple.

It didn't feel real, the way he could initiate touch despite his body screaming at him to stop. Your hair stuck to his lips as he pulled away, but it was worth it to see the way your face fell open, eyes boaring into his.

Silently, he tells you he'll get better. With time, a long time, he'll be able to hold your hand, kiss your lips, stand shoulder to shoulder and lay with you. He tells you that fleeting kisses and barriers will be a thing reserved for bad days only, and even on those bad days he'll still love you in other ways.

He thinks you understand.

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

Tags:

@b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @a-candle-maker

#ask #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker imagine #six of crows x reader #six of crows x y/n #six of crows x you #six of crows fanfic #fanfic #morrigan-crowmwell

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marsplastic13 · 3 months ago

Text

'Complicated' (part 11) - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Idea - Kaz Brekker hires a prostitute to overcome his touch aversion, and be a better man for Inej, but things take an unxepected turn.

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Prostitute!Reader, (had to use y/n because I'm bad at names)

Genre: modern AU, slow burn

word count: 7.1k

notes: wasn't sure if updating both of my fics on the same day or not but I looked around and there was no one to stop me, so here we are

@millercontracting @coldmermaidhologram @syd649 @luffysprincess @cryptidghostgirl @beekeepingageissome

@hufflepuff-16

After she left the next morning, Kaz found himself reluctantly returning to the rhythm of his everyday life. With a heavy sigh, he powered on his phone for the first time in nearly a week. Messages from Inej awaited him, reminders of a life he was still tethered to despite the tumultuous path he had chosen. His thumb scrolled through their conversations, tracing a history of promises, affection, and the mundane details of their lives intertwined. The ache in his chest was palpable as he revisited photos she had sent, words of longing and love that now felt like shards of broken promises.

Her harsh words echoed through his mind, but time had dulled their sharpness, rendering them less important and less vivid. He questioned the clarity of his memories—had Inej truly been that mad, or had he distorted her anger through the lens of his own guilt and frustration? The more he pondered, the more the lines blurred. Was he simply grasping for an excuse to run to Y/n, to justify his actions and calm his conscience?

He remembered the night of the argument with Inej, her eyes flashing with a mix of hurt and anger. Her words had cut deep, but now, in retrospect, he wondered if he had overemphasized their severity. Did she genuinely believe the things she had hurled at him, or were they borne from a moment of vulnerability? His own response had been less than ideal, driven by a volatile cocktail of defensiveness and shame.

Scrolling through her messages, every promise he had made to Inej, every "I miss you" and "I love you", felt like they were written in sand, vulnerable to the tide of his shifting emotions. The pictures she had sent him from her travels, the little reminders that she was thinking of him—these were the threads of a relationship that he was now considering severing. He could almost feel her presence as he scrolled through their chat, each one a testament to their love, yet each one now weighed with the burden of his doubts.

His mind kept circling back to Y/n. Was she a genuine new beginning, or a convenient escape? The more he considered it, the less clear the answer became. He knew he was drawn to her, irresistibly so, but was it fair to put the blame for his actions solely on his feelings for her?

Kaz had to admit to himself that perhaps he had been searching for an out, a way to justify moving on without fully confronting the mistakes he had made with Inej. He was caught in a web of his own making, unsure which strands were real and which were merely illusions. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that no matter how much he tried to rationalize his choices, the underlying truth was inescapable: he had betrayed Inej's trust, and there was no simple way to reconcile that with his feelings for Y/n.

He shook his head, pushing these thoughts to the side as he refocused on the task at hand: ensuring the Crow Club was still standing and that his boss didn’t fire him. He could talk to Inej another time.

But 'another time' kept getting delayed, and Kaz soon found himself immersed in a new routine with Y/n, their days blending together in a haze of new comfort and desire.

***

One particularly difficult day, after a grueling meeting that had gone poorly, Kaz found himself in his car, trying to shake off the frustration. He leaned back, loosening his tie.

He checked his phone, hoping for a distraction. ‘Do you need me to pick you up at the gym?’ he texted Y/n, she usually got out around that time.

She replied with a picture of herself in bed and the message, ‘Got my period.’

Kaz frowned, dialing her number while starting the car. "What?" she asked.

"I thought you used birth control to skip your period," he said, confused.

"Yeah, didn’t have one in years. A client asked me to—” her voice trailed off, “You know what? It’s gross. I’ll spare you the details.”

Kaz hummed in acknowledgment, relieved. "Thanks, love. Do you want to do something?"

"Cry," she replied, annoyance evident in her voice. "Are you coming here?"

"Already on my way," he said without hesitation.

***

One evening, Kaz was getting ready to head out, meticulously fixing his hair in the mirror, when two messages popped up on his phone, derailing his focus. His stomach sank as he read them.

‘Kaz, can you stop avoiding me, please? I leave in two days,’ read the message from Inej.

‘Sorry baby, something came up. I can’t make it tonight,’ from Y/n.

It felt like the planets had aligned to royally screw him over. Kaz’s heart raced with the realization that he couldn't avoid the confrontation any longer. Inej was right; they couldn't drag this situation out any more. Torn between frustration and guilt, he left Y/n on read, knowing it was petty and immature, but unable to help himself. He quickly responded to Inej, telling her he was free right then. Now or never, he thought.

Before Inej arrived, Kaz hurriedly tried to erase any signs of Y/n’s increasingly constant presence. He felt a pang of guilt as he hid a vape she had left on the coffee table and straightened up the bathroom, removing her toiletries from the sink.

Half an hour later, a knock on the door announced Inej’s arrival. She greeted him with a kiss on the cheek, her smile tentative. They sat on the couch, the atmosphere between them thick with tension and unspoken words.

“So, how have you been? Jesper told me you were in Lij last week,” Inej started cheerfully, attempting to break the ice.

Lies and more lies, Kaz thought bitterly. “Yeah, everything’s good. What about you?” he replied, forcing calm into his voice.

“Good, good,” Inej said, glancing around the room. “Look, Kaz, I’m sorry for what I said.”

“So you don’t think that?” Kaz asked, his tone sharp.

Inej sighed, reaching for his hand. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be intimate with someone again, and I thought our issues matched, yeah. I’m sorry if it came out harsher than I intended.”

Kaz scoffed, his anger bubbling up. “You knew I always wanted to be better. You thought I would never be able to do it.”

“I… I thought that you would overcome some things, like holding hands or kissing, but no, I never thought you would ever want to try to go further,” she admitted.

“What do you think we should do?” he asked, looking directly at her.

“What do you mean?” she seemed genuinely surprised.

“About us,” he clarified.

Inej’s eyes widened, confusion and fear crossing her face. “Are you… are you breaking up with me, Kaz?”

He sighed heavily, feeling his strength and resolve to end things leaving him. “I don’t know, Nej, you hurt me.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, brushing her thumb on his palm, the gesture intimate yet distant.

“What if we want different things?” he asked, the unspoken ‘What if I cheated on you?’ hanging in the air between them.

“We’ll figure it out,” she said, moving closer to him.

Kaz’s mind raced. Could they really figure it out? Was it fair to Inej to try when his heart was increasingly entangled with Y/n? He thought about the nights spent with Y/n, the way she made him feel alive and understood in ways he hadn’t felt in a long time. He thought about how Y/n made him forget his own hesitations and fears, and how he had started to rely on her presence as a balm for his troubled mind.

But he also remembered the history he shared with Inej, the bond forged in shared struggles and victories. Could he really throw that away? Was his relationship with Y/n built on a solid foundation, or was it simply an escape from his own failures and insecurities?

As Inej moved closer, he felt a pang of guilt. Here was a woman who had stood by him through thick and thin, who knew his darkest secrets and still chose to stay.

He nodded, surrendering at her.

Kaz woke up to an empty bed and a note from Inej, saying she had gone to the coffee shop nearby for breakfast. He stretched, feeling the stiffness in his muscles ease as he sat up. The morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the room. He was just starting to wake up when the door opened, and Inej walked in, balancing two cups and a bag of pastries.

“You have no idea who I just ran into,” Inej said as she entered, her voice filled with curiosity and amusement.

“Who?” Kaz asked, taking his coffee from her and hiding behind the cup.

“Y/N! Your boss's ex-girlfriend,” she clarified, as if he could have forgotten who she was.

“No way,” he responded, trying to keep his tone neutral as he sipped his coffee.

“Yeah,” Inej continued, her tone light and conversational. “She’s always been a bit weird. When I spotted her, she was asking the waiter to write something like ‘sorry for yesterday night’ on the cup.”

Kaz’s eyes widened, his heart pounding in his chest. He focused on his coffee, trying to keep his composure as Inej went on.

“Of course, I went to say hi,” she said, taking a sip of her tea. “And she looked at me like she saw a ghost. Weird, but okay.”

Kaz couldn’t focus on her words, his mind racing with the implications of what she was saying.

“So, I asked her what she was doing around here since I remember she told me she lives in another neighborhood,” Inej continued, oblivious to his inner turmoil. “She told me a guy she's seeing lives nearby! What a coincidence! I told her you live right around the corner!”

“Yeah, what a coincidence,” Kaz whispered, feeling a cold dread settle in his stomach.

“She asked if I was getting you breakfast, and I told her we had a fight but made up yesterday, and I wanted to do something nice since I leave tomorrow. And you know what she does?”

Kaz shook his head, unsure of what to expect.

“She says we’re really cute and then said she wasn’t that sorry for yesterday night, threw one of the coffees in the bin, and stormed out!” Inej laughed. “Can you believe it? Didn’t even say goodbye!”

Kaz shrugged, hiding the rising panic within him. The thought of what could have happened haunted his mind. Y/N had been coming to his house, ready to apologize for canceling the night before, and he hadn’t even let her know that Inej was there or that they had reconciled.

He silently thanked Ghezen that Y/N and Inej met at the coffee shop and not at his doorstep. He had no idea of how he could’ve justified y/n presence to Inej.

“Kaz?” Inej’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. “Are you okay?”

He forced a smile, nodding. “Yeah, just a lot on my mind.”

She gave him a concerned look but didn’t press further. Kaz knew he had to find Y/N and set things right before it was too late.

Kaz stared at his phone, the weight of his decisions pressing down on him. He sent a quick message to Y/n: ‘Everything okay?’

A few minutes later, her reply came: ‘Feeling guilty?’ Of course, she saw right through him. ‘You should :)’ she added.

He shook his head, but a third message captured his attention. It was a picture of the previous night, Y/n holding the toddler she sometimes babysitted. ‘Yesterday’s date. Jealous?’

Kaz felt a pang of jealousy mixed with something deeper. He couldn’t help but notice how good she looked with a baby in her arms. “A lot,” he replied.

Maybe she wasn’t as mad as he feared.

***

Inej left the next day with a promise to return in a month and a small kiss on his lips. Kaz sat in his car, still in the harbor parking lot, unsure of his next move. He wanted to reach out to Y/n but wasn’t sure what to say. Where were their boundaries now?

He decided to call her anyway. “Your girlfriend’s seat is still warm, love, what do you want?” she replied playfully. She was right, of course.

“What are you doing?” he asked, starting the car.

“Babysitting. I’m at the park.”

“Again?”

“The parents want the second one.”

“Oh,” he frowned.

“Yeah.”

They both sat in silence for a moment. Then, he gave in. “Send me your location. I’m coming.”

When he arrived, he found Y/n with the toddler asleep in her arms. “I was supposed to tire you out, not put you to sleep,” she protested softly.

“Even babies think you’re boring,” Kaz commented, immediately looking for her Switch in her bag.

“You didn’t sound so bored when you asked me to marry you and have your children,” she retorted with a satisfied smirk.

He glanced at her, blushing slightly. “Fair point.”

“You know that I brought the switch for her, right? Not for you.”

“She can go play around. I can't ”

y/n hummed, still trying to keep the toddler awake. “Do you want kids?” he asked, finally setting aside the game. “You look good with them.”

Y/n raised her eyebrows as much as her Botox allowed. “What now?”

“I mean, you seem good with them,” he desperately tried to correct his slip-up. “I didn’t—”

“Come on, Kaz, not the breeding kink, with all the fun things we could do,” she whined, laughing.

“I don’t have a breeding kink,” he weakly protested, still cursing himself.

“Really? Because it sure seems like it,” she teased, a playful glint in her eye. “First, you tell me you would have kids with me if that’s what I want. Then, you’re begging to do it without protection. What’s next, Kaz?”

Kaz groaned, his cheeks flushing. “I was just caught up in the moment, and you’re on birth control.”

“Sure you were,” she laughed, clearly enjoying his discomfort. “Face it, you’ve got a bit of a breeding kink. Admit it.”

He looked away, trying to hide his embarrassment. “I don’t. It’s just... I care about you.”

“Right, because caring about me totally explains why you keep bringing up babies,” she said, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

Kaz ran a hand through his hair, feeling the heat rise in his face. “Can we drop this?”

“No way, this is too much fun,” she grinned. “I mean, come on, Kaz. Just own it.”

He shook his head, still blushing furiously. “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re adorable when you’re embarrassed,” she teased, poking his side. “But seriously, it’s kind of sweet. Weird, but sweet.”

“Sweet?” he scoffed. “I’m not sweet.”

“Oh, you so are. Especially when you’re all flustered like this,” she said, leaning in closer. “But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

Kaz sighed, trying to regain his composure. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“Not a chance,” she grinned. “But it’s okay. I kind of like the idea of you being at least a bit twisted, sexually speaking.”

He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips. “Why do I keep talking with you?”

“Accept your fate, love,” she concluded, shoving him playfully. “Your undeniable kinks aside, yeah, I think I’m going to have children one day. What about you?”

“I don’t know. I never gave it much thought. I thought I could never have sex, so…” his voice trailed off. “And Inej doesn’t want any.”

Y/n laughed. “I’m not asking about Inej.”

“Well, I don’t know. I don’t really like babies,” he shrugged, still refusing to acknowledge how good she looked playing with the toddler.

Despite the distraction, Kaz couldn't shake the guilt that settled in his chest, mingling with a confusing mix of emotions. He wanted to speak, to apologize, but he found himself at a loss for words. The silence stretched, heavy and uncomfortable.

“Are you mad about the other day?” he finally asked, breaking the silence.

“Why should I be?” she replied, her tone casual but with an edge that cut through him.

“I told you I would break up with her,” he said, his voice tinged with guilt and frustration.

Kaz watched as Y/n sighed and shook her head. “Kaz, let’s make this clear. I don’t care. She’s not my girlfriend, I don’t know her. I still watch her videos because she’s hot as hell, but we're not even friends.” She turned to look at him, her eyes piercing through his facade. “You want to go down this path of lies and sneaking out? That’s my everyday thing. You’re not my boyfriend and I don’t want you to be. So it’s your call, I’m not going to stop you.”

Kaz sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. He felt a lump form in his throat, her words hitting harder than he expected. He thought he was prepared for her honesty, but hearing it out loud was different. He had always prided himself on being in control, but with her, things were different. She made him question everything he thought he knew about himself.

“You want to play girlfriend with me while she’s away? Let’s do it. It’s not me you’re lying to. Come on, love, how much time passed between her leaving and you calling me? Five minutes?”

He closed his eyes, the truth of her words hitting him hard. It was even less than five minutes. He had reached out to Y/n almost immediately, seeking company and distraction.

“I like spending time with you. I tried to stop you and make you reason, but I thought about it. I’m not the person that should tell you what is right and what is not. Do you want to promise me you’re going to leave her for me? Do it, you’re lying to yourself. Plus, cheating makes sex great.”

“I should feel more guilty about it,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t like how I’m treating you.”

“It’s fine, Kaz. I like the drama and, well, that’s always how it goes for me—the other woman,” she said, her tone less cheerful and more resigned.

Kaz threw his head back, the weight of her remark sinking in. It hurt. He hated when she reminded him that he was no better than the other men she’d been with. She was right, and it stung.

He looked at her, watching how easily she managed the toddler, how natural she seemed in that role. He found himself wondering what kind of future they could have together if things were different. But those thoughts were quickly overshadowed by the reality of their situation.

“Y/n,” he began, his voice thick with emotion. “You deserve better than this. Better than me.”

She turned to him, her eyes softening slightly. “I’m not looking for forever, Kaz. I don’t want ‘better’. I mean, look at you,” she laughed, a bitter edge to her tone, “how fucking messed up is your life right now? And why? Because you can’t let go of your teenage crush? Sorry, but I don’t want to end up like you, it’s sad.”

Kaz frowned, the sting of her words hitting deep. “There’s no need to be mean now.”

“Someone has to do a reality check on you sometimes,” she shrugged, her voice unapologetic. “Also, I am mean, baby, I won’t sugarcoat this to make you feel better. I’m not your saintly girlfriend. And by the way, she’s not saintly at all. She’s really passive-aggressive. You should have seen how she looked at him the other day.”

“Come on, Y/n, calm down.”

“I am super calm, Kaz. Super chill.” She leaned in, her eyes locking onto his with a predatory gleam. “I just want to see how fast you run to my bed while she’s sleeping in yours.” She whispered the words before kissing him, her lips pressing against his with a fierceness that made his resolve crumble.

Kaz hated how he melted into her mouth. She could be as mean as she wanted if it meant she’d let him kiss her venomous lips. The taste of her was intoxicating, pulling him deeper into a web of conflicting desires and emotions.

He broke the kiss, breathless, trying to regain some semblance of control. “This isn’t right,” he murmured, though his hands betrayed him by lingering on her waist.

“No, it’s not,” she agreed, her voice softening slightly. “You’re no better than me Kaz, accept it.”

Before he could answer, two old women approached them, their faces lighting up with smiles. “Your baby is so beautiful,” they started cooing at the toddler in Y/n’s arms.

“Yeah, she’s all daddy,” Y/n said, glancing at Kaz with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

He snorted but played along, accepting the compliments from the ladies. “Thanks, she’s a handful,” he added, a smirk tugging at his lips.

The women beamed, one of them reaching out to tickle the baby’s chubby cheek. “You must be so proud,” the other one said, looking between Kaz and Y/n.

“Oh, we are,” Y/n replied, her voice dripping with faux sincerity. “She’s the light of our lives.”

The older of the two women chuckled. “She looks just like you, young man,” she said to Kaz. “Got your eyes and everything.”

Kaz smiled, glancing at the toddler. “Yeah, she does. Got her mother’s smile, though,” he added, nodding toward Y/n.

“You make such a lovely family,” the second woman said, her eyes twinkling with warmth. “How old is she?”

“Just turned two,” Y/n answered smoothly, bouncing the toddler gently. “Keeps us on our toes.”

“Do you have any more children?” the first woman asked, her curiosity piqued.

“Not yet,” y/n replied, her voice steady. “But we’re definitely trying, right love?”

Kaz shot her a sideways glance, his eyes sparkling. “Oh, absolutely,” he said, playing along. “It’s a full-time job, but we love every minute of it.”

The two women chuckled, clearly charmed by the young “family.” “Well, you two are doing a wonderful job,” the second woman said. “It’s nice to see such a happy, young family.”

“Thank you,” Kaz said, his hand resting lightly on Y/n’s back. “We do our best.”

As the women walked away, Kaz let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Y/n turned to him, amusement dancing in her eyes. “Trying, huh?” he teased.

“Shut up, you liked it.”

Kaz shrugged, a faint blush creeping up his neck.

Y/n turned to him, a smirk playing on her lips. “You handled that well, Daddy.”

He rolled his eyes but couldn’t help grinning. “You’re incorrigible, you know that?”

She shrugged, adjusting the toddler in her arms. “What can I say? I enjoy a good roleplay.”

Kaz shook his head, the smile lingering. Despite everything, he found himself drawn to her playful nature. It was a stark contrast to the seriousness that usually dominated his life.

“So, plans for tonight, mommy?” he smirked, unable to resist teasing her further.

Y/n’s gaze rolled over his body, a playful glint in her eyes. “Of course it turns you on,” he sighed, shaking his head.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not a blushing, shy schoolgirl like you are?” she shot back, her tone light but firm.

“I think I’ll need constant reminders,” he replied, his eyes locked on hers.

"I have a date later," she said, looking away casually.

Kaz hesitated, his brow furrowing. "Are you going to sleep with him?"

Y/n sighed, a hint of resignation in her voice. "I don't know, probably. I'm not very good at saying no."

"Do you even like him?" Kaz pressed, his tone tinged with concern.

She chuckled softly, shaking her head. "Not exactly my type, but he made a reservation at a restaurant with a waiting list of months and promised me Ozempic."

Kaz's glare intensified. "Tell me you're kidding, or I swear I'll kidnap you."

"Kinky," she teased, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Yes, I'm kidding. Relax."

He studied her carefully, trying to gauge her sincerity.

"Kaz, if you're about to tell me that you can bring me to that restaurant, I'm going to punch you," she warned, half-serious.

"Fine," he rolled his eyes, relenting.

She grinned triumphantly, enjoying the playful banter. Kaz couldn't help but smile despite himself, the tension between them easing momentarily. Their dynamic was always a mix of sharp wit and unspoken longing, a delicate balance they both struggled to maintain.

***

As Kaz sat alone in his apartment, the glow of the television casting flickering shadows around the room, he tried to distract himself with a movie. Yet, his mind kept drifting back to y/n and the evening's revelations. He absentmindedly scrolled through Instagram, the images of y/n in that opulent setting catching his attention again and again. The restaurant looked lavish.

But when he stumbled upon another person’s post—a picture in the exact same place y/n was —Kaz's jaw clenched involuntarily. Nikolai Lanstov was there. It couldn't be a coincidence. A wave of emotions surged through him—jealousy, suspicion, and an urgent need for answers.

He didn't hesitate. With a quick and terse message, he asked her outright, ‘Are you with Lanstov?’

The response came swiftly, almost too swiftly: ‘Yeah, you know him?’

Kaz gritted his teeth. He did know Nikolai, all too well. ‘Yes.’

Instead of evading or denying, y/n surprised him with a selfie of them together, an invitation laced with challenge: ‘Join us for drinks?’

Kaz felt a surge of possessiveness rise within him. He couldn't stand the thought of y/n spending time with Nikolai, of him wooing her with his charm and wealth. He knew he couldn't hide the turmoil inside him, nor did he want to. This wasn't about appearances or pride—it was about a visceral need to ensure y/n remained out of Nikolai's reach. He didn't care about appearing jealous or possessive. ‘On my way.’

Arriving at the upscale venue, Kaz was greeted by Nikolai's knowing grin. Their exchange was polite yet loaded with unspoken rivalry. "Dirtyhands," Nikolai acknowledged.

"Sturmhond," Kaz replied evenly, the old nicknames from their days of competition resurfacing effortlessly.

"Brekker."

"Lantsov."

Throughout their conversation, y/n watched them with an amused expression, her eyes darting between them like she was enjoying a tennis match. Kaz couldn't help but notice how she seemed to revel in their banter, as if she was testing their limits.

Nikolai, ever the provocateur, raised a playful eyebrow. “How's Inej?”

Kaz's response was swift, deflecting with practiced ease: “How's Zoya?”

They stared at each other with narrowed eyes.

Then y/n interjected, her tone teasing and her smile mischievous. "Oh, please go on," she urged, her tongue playing with the straw in her drink. "So you really know each other?"

Nikolai leaned back with a knowing smirk. “Of course. Me and Brekker go way back. The real question is, how do you two know each other?”

Y/n turned to Kaz, her gaze expectant. Kaz met her eyes confidently, a crooked smile playing on his lips. “She's my personal trainer,” he replied smoothly.

"I’m sure she is," laughed Nikolai, ordering another round with a movement of his hand.

Y/n's eyes kept darting between the two, with a dangerous smile on her lips.

"You know, I would really love to see Paris tonight," she said, getting up. "I'll go fix my makeup. I'll leave you to it." She briefly touched Kaz's shoulder before moving away.

Nikolai leaned back, "Fuck," he muttered, snorting.

"What?" asked Kaz, completely lost.

"Seriously, Brekker?" He asked, but Kaz frowned more, "She just asked for a threesome."

Kaz's jaw clenched at Nikolai's remark, his eyebrows knitting together in disbelief. He couldn't believe what he had just heard, and the implication sent a rush of discomfort through him. His mind raced, grappling with how to respond without letting his unease show too clearly.

"That's… not going to happen." Kaz said, his voice a mixture of incredulity and unease. He leaned slightly forward, his eyes narrowing as he searched Nikolai's face for any hint of jest or deception.

Nikolai leaned back, a smirk playing on his lips as he appraised Kaz's reaction, "I'm sure she'll be disappointed," he teased lightly, as if testing Kaz's reaction further.

Kaz leaned back, shaking his head.

"So you're sleeping with her?" Nikolai asked, his tone laced with curiosity and a hint of amusement.

Kaz hesitated, weighing his words carefully. "Something had happened," he admitted vaguely, unwilling to delve into the specifics of his complicated relationship with y/n.

Nikolai raised an eyebrow, a knowing smile playing on his lips. "That's why you ran here? Scared of the competition?" he teased lightly, his voice carrying a playful edge.

"Of you? You wish," Kaz retorted dryly, a touch of defensiveness in his tone. He glanced around the upscale establishment, suddenly feeling acutely aware of the dynamics at play. Nikolai was charismatic and charming, qualities that had undoubtedly attracted y/n's attention.

Nikolai chuckled softly, taking another sip of his drink. "Come now, Brekker," he said with a smirk, leaning back in his chair. "I know how these things go."

Kaz's jaw tightened imperceptibly, his gaze narrowing slightly as he considered Nikolai's words. He knew the game all too well—the subtle dance of attraction, jealousy, and power.

"She's not a game to me," Kaz stated firmly, his voice cutting through the ambient noise of the restaurant. His eyes locked onto Nikolai's, conveying a rare sincerity and vulnerability.

Nikolai's expression softened, his playful demeanor giving way to a more serious acknowledgment. "Are you sure you’re not a game to her?” he asked, his tone carrying a mix of curiosity and genuine concern.

Kaz felt a pang of discomfort at the question, realizing Nikolai's astuteness in probing the complexities of his relationship with y/n. He hesitated, unsure how to respond to the implication that he might be just another piece in y/n's intricate puzzle.

Nikolai leaned back in his chair, a knowing smile lingering on his lips. "You know, I didn’t make you the cheating type, Brekker," he remarked casually, his eyes glinting with amusement.

Kaz bristled slightly at the comment, his jaw tightening as he mulled over Nikolai's words. "You're literally here with another woman, how many dates did you have?" he retorted, his voice edged with a mixture of defensiveness and skepticism.

"This is the third," Nikolai replied nonchalantly, as if keeping track of such details was inconsequential to him.

Before their banter could continue further, y/n returned to their table, her presence instantly commanding attention. She locked eyes with Nikolai, a playful smirk dancing on her lips.

"He said no, right?" she asked, gesturing towards Kaz with a teasing glint in her eyes.

Nikolai chuckled, amused by the interaction. "Yeah, I’m sorry, sweetheart. Looks like we’ll have to do without him," he said with mock disappointment, kissing her hand gallantly.

Y/n giggled at Nikolai's theatrics, her eyes flickering between him and Kaz. Her gaze held a hint of mischief, as if she were enjoying the dynamic between the two men.

Kaz watched the exchange with a mix of bemusement and mild irritation, feeling like a pawn in their playful game.

The night brought more drinks and more playful tension, and the moment of heading home arrived.

“I’m getting you home,” said Kaz firmly.

Y/n looked at him with an intoxicated smile. “Are you jealous?” she whispered in his ear. Kaz glanced at Nikolai, who had moved away to greet someone else.

“Admit it and I’m yours for the night,” she added, her breath warm against his skin.

“Yes, I’m jealous,” he admitted, his voice low and sincere.

“Good boy,” she whispered, satisfied. Y/n got up to say goodbye to Nikolai, who turned to glance at Kaz.

“Next one is mine, Brekker,” Nikolai said with a smirk.

Kaz shook his head, sliding an arm around on her back and guiding her to his car. The possessive gesture felt right, and he relished the way her body fit against his side.

“Are you taking me to your house?” she asked, her voice laced with anticipation, recognizing the streets they were making.

“Yes,” he replied, clutching the steering wheel with one hand and resting the other firmly on her thigh.

“You could have told me sooner,” she said, leaning into the contact. “You’re hot while you drive.”

“You think so?” he asked, a hint of curiosity in his voice.

“Yeah, a lot,” she confirmed.

“Do you like my hair?” he asked impulsively. “I have a friend who always says it’s awful.”

Y/N’s eyes sparkled with amusement as she looked at him, her lips curling into a playful smile. “I like it,” she said without hesitation. “Especially when it’s completely disheveled and falls on your forehead. You look so hot after a shower that I just want to fuck you senseless and then cuddle you so much and so sweetly until you start crying and talking about how much you miss your mother.”

Kaz felt his face heat up, his usual composed demeanor faltering. The vividness of her words left him momentarily speechless. He watched as Y/N leaned over, her hand reaching out to mess his hair playfully, her touch light and affectionate.

“That’s… awfully detailed, please don’t do it,” he managed to say, his voice a mix of embarrassment and amusement. The image she painted was both flattering and unsettling.

Y/N laughed, a soft, melodic sound that eased the tension. “Too much?” she teased, her eyes meeting his with a warmth that reassured him.

Kaz nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Just a bit,” he replied, feeling a strange comfort in her playful honesty.

Y/n hummed, a pleased sound, and put on some music. The low hum of the car and the rhythmic beats of the music created an intimate atmosphere. She closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of his hand on her thigh and the steady vibration of the car beneath them.

Kaz’s mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. He was used to control, to always having the upper hand, but Y/n had a way of disarming him. Her boldness, her carefree attitude, and the way she seemed to understand his darker edges left him feeling both exposed and exhilarated. As they drove through the quiet streets, he found himself stealing glances at her, marveling at how easily she fit into his life, even if it was in this chaotic, unconventional way.

As they pulled up to his place, Y/n’s fingers danced over his arm, tracing invisible patterns. “You know, I like jealous-Kaz,” she murmured, her lips curving into a seductive smile.

“Don’t get used to it,” he warned, though his tone lacked its usual edge.

“Too late,” she said, leaning in to press a kiss to his jaw. “Way too late.”

They got out of the car, and he led her inside, his hand still firmly on her waist. The night was far from over.

They fell asleep tangled, sweaty, and sticky, a situation Kaz never thought he could find himself in. The sheets were a mess, wrapped around their legs and clinging to their damp skin. His breathing was heavy, matching hers, as they lay there in his bedroom. Y/n's head rested on his chest, her hair a wild tangle across his skin.

The thought of sharing his bed, of falling asleep so intimately entwined with another person, had always seemed foreign, even impossible. Yet here he was, his arm draped protectively around her, his fingers lazily tracing patterns on her back.

***

Kaz was awakened by the door opening and closing, followed by Jesper's voice.

“What are you doing here?” he heard him ask Y/n.

“Breakfast, what are you doing here?” she retorted.

“Inej just left and I wanted to check on Kaz, but I guess he already found someone else to entertain himself with,” commented Jesper dryly.

Kaz sighed, knowing he wasn't ready to deal with them.

Y/n remained unfazed, “Should I add a plate for you?”

“I thought you were vegan.”

“I am,” she replied calmly.

“So you're cooking just for him?” Jesper's tone held a note of incredulity.

“Do you have a problem with it? I like cooking.”

“I’m just surprised, that’s all. Kaz isn’t exactly the breakfast-in-bed type.”

Kaz could imagine Y/n smirking. “Maybe you just don’t know him as well as you think.”

Kaz dragged himself out of bed, still rubbing his eyes, and entered the kitchen. “Morning,” he said, reaching Y/n and kissing her temple. He knew that his back, covered in scratches, was on full display, so there was no point in hiding it anymore.

“Unbelievable,” muttered Jesper under his breath. “How can you be so calm about admitting to cheating on your girlfriend? I shouldn't be seeing any of this.”

“Then stop entering my house uninvited,” replied Kaz, annoyed, while Y/n placed two plates in front of them. “Thanks, love.”

Jesper was too distracted by breakfast to notice the affectionate name, luckily.

Y/n started taking her pills, and Jesper looked at her puzzled. “Don't ask,” said Kaz, poking her side and making her pill fall.

“Kaz! That was my birth control, you idiot!” she protested, and he paled visibly. “Yeah, you better get down and look for it.”

Quickly, Kaz got on the floor, and Jesper almost choked on his bite.

“You have about an hour, baby, look faster,” she said, a bit amused.

“Seriously, Kaz? Not even protection? I mean,” Jesper turned to Y/n, “you should be an expert on this.”

“I am, but you should hear how he begs,” she said, eyeing Kaz with a playful smirk.

“Y/n, oversharing,” reminded Kaz from the floor, slightly panicking.

Jesper shook his head, barely able to suppress his laughter. “This is a new low, even for you, Kaz.”

“Just... help me look for the damn pill,” Kaz grumbled, his face burning with embarrassment.

Y/n leaned against the counter, watching them with amusement. “I guess this is a bonding moment for you two,” she teased.

“Hardly,” Kaz muttered, finally spotting the pill under the table and reaching for it. He stood up, holding it triumphantly. “Got it.”

Y/n took it from him and swallowed it quickly. “Thank you,” she said, patting his cheek.

Kaz rolled his eyes, sitting back down at the table. “Let's just eat.”

Jesper was really conflicted about all the unraveling of events, more than anything about the revelation that the two were actually sleeping together and were really chill about it.

Y/n left, leaving the two friends alone. Jesper hit Kaz hard in the arm. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were sleeping with her?”

Kaz massaged his arm, feeling the sting of the unexpected blow. “Because I have a girlfriend, theoretically?”

“In fact, as Inej’s friend, I’m absolutely furious with you, but as your friend, it was fucking time, man! You have to tell me everything.”

Kaz chuckled nervously, his mind racing. Inej. The thought of her brought a pang of guilt. “I really do not have to tell you anything,” he said, trying to keep his tone light but failing to mask his discomfort.

“Come on, I need details,” Jesper pressed, leaning forward with eager anticipation.

Kaz sighed, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything? How did it happen? Was it awkward? Did you—”

“Jesper!” Kaz interrupted, feeling the heat rise in his face. “Do you really need to know all the details?”

Jesper smirked. “Of course I do. You know this is a big deal, right? Your first time isn’t something to gloss over.”

Kaz sighed, resigning himself to the conversation. “Fine. It was... intense. She made me feel comfortable, and it just happened naturally. When our arrangement was still standing, things were heating up really fast, so it just felt right.”

Jesper leaned in closer, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. “How do I have to spell it? Details!”

Kaz rolled his eyes, feeling the heat rise in his face again. “I’m not giving you details! I’m just going to say that I understand why she made a career out of it.”

Jesper's eyes widened even more. “Wow, she must be really good, huh?”

Kaz rubbed the back of his neck, feeling awkward. “Yes, Jesper, she’s very... talented. Can we move on now?”

“Talented?” Jesper teased, nudging Kaz with his elbow. “Come on, you’ve got to give me something. How did it start? When did things change?”

Kaz sighed again, trying to find the right words. “The night I went to her house, telling her that I wanted her. She stopped me and told me to go back to Inej but said that if I ever came back to her like that in the middle of the night, she wouldn't stop me anymore. And after my fight with Inej, I went straight to her, and well, she didn’t.”

Jesper whistled low. “Damn, Kaz. That’s... intense. So you just went for it?”

Kaz nodded, remembering the raw emotion of that night. “Yeah, I did. It felt like everything I’d been holding back just came out all at once.”

Jesper leaned back, still processing everything. “And how do you feel about it now? About her?”

Kaz looked down, contemplating his feelings. “It’s complicated, Jesper. I care about Inej, but Y/n... she’s different. She makes me feel things I didn’t know I could feel. But she doesn’t want a serious thing, and I can’t manage to man up enough to break up with Inej.”

Jesper raised an eyebrow, surprised at Kaz’s vulnerability. “So you’re stuck in the middle, huh? That’s rough.”

“Yeah,” Kaz admitted, frustration creeping into his voice. “Inej deserves better than this, but I can’t let go of Y/n. She’s like a drug I can’t quit.”

Jesper nodded thoughtfully. “Have you talked to Y/n about what you want?”

Kaz shook his head. “She’s made it clear she’s not interested in anything serious. And honestly, I don’t know if I am either. It’s just... easier this way, even if it’s wrong.”

Jesper sighed, rubbing his temples. “Kaz, you’ve got to figure this out. You can’t keep stringing both of them along. It’s not fair to anyone, especially you.”

“I know,” Kaz said quietly. “But every time I try to make a decision, I freeze. It’s like I’m paralyzed.”

Jesper leaned forward, looking his friend in the eye. “You just need to decide what you really want and go for it.”

Kaz gave a small smile. “Easier said than done.”

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