#•ೋ°Povs •⊱✿⊰•They told me all of my cages were mental

[miss-celestia13]

Steal My Breath

Jake x MC Smut One-Shot

Words: 2.2k

A visit to her childhood home brings up an interesting question for Jake. “Have you ever fucked someone here?” He takes her negative response as a challenge.

It's been ages since I wrote for this, and I'm glad I managed to get back to these two. As usual, it's just a smut and love one-shot. If anyone wants to read, nothing needs to be read before reading this. There is no plot, only filth. MC's name is Manon.

Breathplay.

Manon’s POV

The clock beside her bed ticked past 2 am and she took to memorizing Jake in her old room and wondering how she had gone from being utterly hopeless to this. Having nothing but hope and joy for the future, it was a gift, and she didn't want to waste it ruminating on the ghosts.

She looked at him, admiring the firm line of his stubbled jaw and the lips she knew better than her own. He was her peace in a world of war and bloodshed. And he was the chaos and desire when their world was bright and open and beautiful.

All of him, fashioned just for her. All of her forged in fire and blood for him.

His face was oddly severe as she stroked her fingers over his thumping heart and let the heat of him ease her chilled bones. She wanted to remind herself she was alive and thriving, that no matter how hard it got, there was good waiting for her.

She had to swallow a few times. Her mouth was so dry, but she managed a silly joke.

"What are you thinking? You look like you're trying to solve a math problem in your head and you're failing," she laughed. Her earlier stress faded away under the power of his attention as he met her venom gaze.

"I was wondering..."

His lips twitched, his hand trailing over the flare of her hip and gripping her tight, the heat of him like a branding through her clothing. Concern still lurked in his gaze, but he sensed the shift in her mood and reacted in kind.

He looked at her through a fan of thick black lashes as she waited for him to elaborate.

She wasn't very good at waiting.

Manon arched a brow and said, "Yes?" When he just kept touching and touching her.

His indigo eyes blinked and locked on her, lust threading through his irises. And they were darker than they were seconds ago.

"Have you ever fucked someone here?"

Manon laughed, cackled really, "No, do you think anyone other than Steve would have made it past my dad?" With an unladylike snort, she shook her head at the mental picture of a poor, horny teen boy, rosy-cheeked and stuttering, as her dad read him his rights. She went on, "I had to fuck myself."

"But you lived here alone for a while," he reminded her.

Manon rarely ventured back to those days, even now, multiple lives away from it. She never sought those memories out of the locked wrought iron cage in the back of her hive of a mind.

Sex had been her drug to fill the numb, hollow plain where her heart used to reside. She didn't go out all the time, no, too lost in her head for that.

But when she went out, she drank just enough to feel warmed through and buzzed, seeking her target for the night.

Some nights, she left empty-handed. Often, she went home with someone. She took no one back to her place. They were one-night stands, and she just needed to feel something, not embed them in the fabric of her shattered life.

They'd discussed past loves before, and she felt no anxiety opening up about this.

"I never brought them home. They took me home."

Nothing but quiet understanding shone in his crystal eyes, a slight tightness in the corners of his closed, smiling mouth told her he wished he'd been there for her then just like she would trade all the money she had to be at his side as his world became a real life thriller without the promise of justice until she demanded it for him.

He was everything to her, and she knew she was everything to him. Like he was a trophy or a champion ring, she coveted and hoarded him inside herself to keep him safe and hers. The possessive way he touched her echoed her silly thoughts, and she wanted to feel the heaven in him meeting the hell in her.

Leave this place with a wonderful memory to ease the pain of all the awful ones.

Jake grinned like a devil as he read the thoughts on her face, his heated gaze holding her in sway.

"We're here now, and no one can stop us."

As she smirked at him, his hands pulled her in and wound around her, heat and light glittering through her as he brushed his lips over hers.

Featherlight and gentle, so at odds with how hard he gripped her hip and made her skin bloom wild with violets. She wriggled closer and laid a possessive hand on his neck. He pulled back and searched her eyes for any sign of distress, and she knew he didn't find it when the shadows in his sapphire gaze vanished.

She tilted her head, admiring the sparkle of her engagement ring as she said, "What are you waiting for?"

He instantly lunged and captured her lips in his, hungry and urgent; he kissed her until her head spun and aching want pulsing through her veins until her entire body trembled with it.

Her shaking hands laced through his hair as she swung her leg over his and pressed in as close as she could.

Manon's blood shimmered.

His wandering hand found her jaw, fingers tracing along and curling behind the bone, trailing down her neck, and wrapping around her throat to feel her pulse skittering under his fingers and thumb.

Her breathing quickened and slowed with the pressure of his hand as it tensed and relaxed, scalding, wet heat cascaded through her. Pooling between her thighs as a hollow ache opened inside her.

There was an invisible cord of love and deep trust between them, and a heady, liberating sense of having no control that ran through her. She gladly handed herself over to him. And knew he would take care of the need rising like a tide to drown her.

She whined low in her throat as sweet desperation and nerve flaying anticipation pricked over her skin like needles as his free hand wove through her hair to pull her lips more firmly against his.

His tongue slid alongside hers, bristled lips teasing and bruising her mouth as she smiled into it, greedily inhaling his arousing scent with every scant breath.

The simmering heat in her abdomen, the familiar catching sensation in her chest, and the wild thrum of molten blood in her veins. It was the most intimate and cherished thing she'd ever known.

His body aligned with hers. She melted into him and filled every hollow space between them, absorbing his fierce heartbeat as it pounded alongside hers.

How good and right and real he felt pressed into her. It was all that mattered.

He was like fire and she raised no resistance as he burned his way in. His lips seared against hers, one roasting hand splayed wide on her lower back as she wriggled until his knee parted her legs, and she sighed into his mouth, happier than ever.

There was still a slight hint of, "we shouldn't do this. We will be caught any minute." In the back of her mind, that almost made her want to laugh.

It intensified her desire instead.

The hand collaring her throat tightened. A strangled moan left her when he eased up.

All that strength — he was so very careful to leash it with her, and she took great delight in pulling at his every trigger to make him loosen his hold on himself.

He pressed his fingers into the veins under her skin, cutting off the flow of her blood again and again, creating a dazzling rush of euphoria. She felt high, so sensitive even the air whispering against her skin felt like a heated caress against her dewy skin.

They hurriedly undressed each other. No shame or hesitation. Both hungry and wanting.

He kissed every scar as he unveiled them. Hot mouth sending flares of flame spiraling through her and she grew so wet. He chuckled possessively as he dipped a finger into her soaked folds. She tasted the salt and musk as she dragged her lips across his chest as she nearly ripped his shirt from his body to get to the skin underneath.

Soon, nothing stood between but shivering anticipation and deepest, darkest desire.

His hand came up to grip her throat again, her body arching and trembling as his lapis eyes watched her every reaction. He taunted her with a gentle squeeze on her neck that restricted her breath, a single finger grazing her clit as she gasped and writhed.

She was so ready for him. So wet and hot and pliant he didn't torture her for long as he palmed his hard cock, vicious lust etched across every line of his handsome face.

He gave her an order, "Hold on tight, don't let go, Sweetheart."

Her hands instinctually lifted and grabbed hold of the wooden bedposts, arcing her body into an elegant arch as he spread her thighs wide.

She felt the head of his cock pressing into her. Thick and very hard, he pushed in. He glided through her slick cunt so fast her eyes rolled back and her knuckles bleached white on the wood as she struggled to absorb him.

Pressure and fullness. It obliterated all thought as her body acclimated to his invasion. He was holding his breath, eyes shadowed and breath short as he felt her cunt yield to him, wetness dripping from her with every tiny shift of his cock against her fiery flesh.

When he moved, it was emphatic and utterly devastating.

Forceful thrusts into her tight clasp, fingers cutting into her hips as he pulled and pushed her body with every snap of his hips.

The tension was like a screw being turned too tight inside her, twisting and twisting, tightening until her skin quivered and his name rolled off her tongue.

Heat and fire bled through her as her legs wrapped around his waist and he braced his elbows on either side of her head.

He took her mouth with the same ferocity he took her cunt with. Rapid flicks of his tongue against hers, sliding and tangling together, joined so closely they felt like one being as she shuddered and keened.

His cock grinding and jabbing deep, his groin catching her swollen clit, and his ravenous mouth all worked together to destroy and heal her.

All she felt was pleasure, love, and desire so intense, her toes curled with it.

She was moaning as he fucked her. So lost in him and the whirling flames of his lust for her, she never wanted to be found.

Jake was insatiable. Tearing moan after moan from her and demanding more with every brutal lunge of his cock inside her taut heat. She saw the black desire eating away at him. Her fingers itched to pull at his hair to feed it, but his hand came up and enveloped her throat once more.

She could only burn and feel and breathe through the incredible pleasure threatening to steal her sanity as his hand flexed.

Tension strung so tight she went rigid, her eyes flashing her distress at him as she needed more to fly off the precipice, slicing her in half. He immediately understood and nodded, silent permission that made her loosen her hold on the headboard.

She worked one hand between them, fingers soon soaked in her own essence as she circled her clit. Her other hand weaved through his hair and dragged him in, kissing him so forcefully he paused in surprise before returning her famished kiss with equal fervor.

Her swirling fingers on her clit sent embers flying through her, the tension pulled so taut she wailed as Jake rattled her with a thrust so savage she felt it in the soles of her feet.

Sweat beaded on their skin. The sharp and heady scent of her own arousal was unmistakable in the air between them. It was like a humid warmth that cloaked them both and turned their desire up to lethal levels.

Jake broke free of her mouth and sobbed her name as her cunt clenched down hard, her busy fingers pushing and pushing her to release as the skin on her belly trembled.

The sound was like a siren call to her. It slithered like a shiver through her nerves and coiled in her core to intensify the pressure of his cock filling her again and again.

He was so warm. He was hers. Her world wasn't cold with him and never would be. The thought sent her over the edge with another flick of her fingers.

Her cunt clasped his cock so tightly she took him down with her. His shocked shout bled into a rippling growl she felt between her quaking legs as release surged through her like a landslide of molten lava.

A storm of tingles and shocks burst under her skin as she shivered and shook. Her breath came in great gasping bursts as wave after wave of glittering, searing sensation rolled through her. She was mindless, lost in utter glory, and pleasure as it swamped her system so thoroughly she thought it would never end.

She was aware of herself making noise but couldn't understand a word of it as Jake kissed her to soothe her. He swallowed every twitch and sound her orgasm incited and she reveled in the feel of him still locked inside her body.

His body blanketed hers as her useless, boneless legs fell away from his waist and flopped down on the bed. She held him close, nails scratching at his damp skin and hands smoothing over firm muscles as they made their way to his raven hair.

Tiredness forced her eyes shut as he nuzzled her neck and breathed her in. She just kept holding him. She didn't let go until they woke up later that day and they began packing the things she wanted to keep.

**********************

Thank you for reading if you made it this far! Likes, comments, and reblogs are love and very much appreciated. If you feel like it, of course 🥰❤️

Links to the whole story and all my others are in my pinned post ❤️

[thedanniannie]

Fully Enamored - Itachi Uchiha POV fic

You're getting ready for a date night with Itachi. You saved your nicest outfit for tonight, and let's just say Itachi is OBSESSED...

✨️fluff/praise GALORE✨️

Gender neutral reader

(This is written as a POV from Itachi, so while I imagined him, feel free to replace your mental image with any introverted fictional character who has big feelings but can't communicate them to save their life)

Also itachi putting his hand over his mouth is purely an idea from my friend, Ezra. She told me she saw him doing that so you wouldn't see him smile or biting his lip, and it was do hot I had to include it.

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"I'm almost done!" they project from the hidden space of their bathroom.

"Don't feel rushed my love. I can wait."

I take my place on the freshly fluffed couch. Examining the usually cluttered coffee table, I can tell they must have lost track of time from cleaning their apartment. It must have been entertaining, to be present to watch them fumble with the unfolded laudry, to watch their eyebrows scrunch together when they organize their belongings, and to look over at them as they curse to themselves for letting their space become so hectic yet again. They did well, the home is spotless. It doesn't bother me to wait for them in the living room, their choice of decor was like a museum. The walls a collage of photos and paintings from family and friends. The coat rack was tipping with more jackets than a single person could need. The shelves filled with trinkets, and I could recognize some of the items from second hand shops and art fairs we had visited together.

Perfect, it was so perfectly them. I could gaze at these walls for days. They were generous with their personality, to me, to their friends, and to their home. But no matter how generous they were, no amount of them could satiate my need for them. Maybe there was a slight lie in what I said earlier, I can't wait. I need to see them now.

Their feet begin to move and I hear the light switch click. I wrap two fingers to cover the corners of my already upturning lips before cocking my head to meet their eyes.

The three seconds that I got to look at them felt like an eternity. An eternity that I was happy to be prisoner in. Their beauty caged my heart, my soul, and never did I wish more than in this moment for a key that could unlock this cage to never exist. Their walls were a gallery, and they were the Louvre. They deserved to be seen by the world, for everyone to know how it feels to be drunk on their ethereal grace, and to be lost in thought by meeting them. But at the same time the world doesn't deserve them. I don't even deserve them. A being so beautiful, even a divine creator from above is in shock and awe. A drug that no parental figure ever warned me about. I look at their eyes, their fly away hairs, their lips, fingertips, the dips in their skin, they way they're fumbling with their belongings right now and the energy I feel shoots up my veins, and it makes me feel dizzy and idiotic. They're excruciating, and it scares me enough to want to run away. It's torturous to sit here and not let myself slip into an uncontrollable and maddening love sickness, that is if I wasn't already. I fear I am all consumed.

"Do I look fine?" They ask me with that insecure and inquisitive tone. Such an aching tone to hear.

But I'm no better. Every time I finally form the words to remind them of their beauty, eventually I find the words are not enough. They're beyond words, but my stomach turns sour when I bring myself out of their trance and the only pathetic sentence that can come out of my mouth is...

"Yes... you look wonderful darling..."

[emistoast]

linking taylor swift songs to book characters because i am unwell (part 1: marauders obvs)

The Prophecy - LILY DURING THE WAR

“please, i’m on my knees, change the prophecy. don’t want money, just want someone who wants my company. let it once be me. who do i have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy?” I CAN PICTURE HER FINDING OUT ABOUT THE PROPHECY AND JUST WISHING FOR A NORMAL, HAPPY LIFE FOR HER FAMILY 😭

“a greater woman has faith, but even statues crumble if they’re made to wait. i’m so afraid i sealed my fate” i’m done. this is it.

“hand on the throttle, thought i caught lightning in a bottle” NO CAUSE HOLD ON I HAVE THINGS TO SAY!! lily spent her whole life feeling different. her sister thought she was a freak and even at school she was treated differently for being muggleborn. but now, with a husband and a kid she feels like she finally found something good. something safe and wonderful. she thought she caught lightning in a bottle. BUT THEN HALLOWEEN HAPPENS and obvs ⚡️and she realizes that catching lightning in a bottle is impossible, and she was never destined to have a happy family

— — —

right where you left me - i hate to say it but mary mcdonald

“did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion? break ups happen everyday you don’t have to lose it, she’s still 23 inside her fantasy” you can take this two ways,

1: she never moved on from the war because she obliviated herself and never got closure, pretending her life was fine when she always felt something missing, or

2: she only got rid of the bad memories, thus being stuck in a “perfect fantasy”

— — —

this is me trying - regulus black coded

“they told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential. and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad. i have a lot of regrets about that” BRO NEVER LEARNED HOW TO COMMUNICATE PROPERLY, HIS WORDS *DO* SHOOT TO KILL

“it's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you. you're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town” JEGULUS

very choices coded song

— — —

Now That We Don’t Talk - BLACK BROTHERS

“you grew your hair long, you got new icons, and from the outside it looks like you’re tryin’ lives on. i miss the old ways, you didn’t have to change. but i guess i don’t have a say, now that we don’t talk” i feel like it’s self explanatory but i will explain anyways !!

regulus pov after sirius leaves grimmauld place and stays with james. he’s finally free to express himself (growing his hair long) but regulus feels stuck in the past and just wants his brother back (even though he’d never admit it). he feels as if sirius has forgotten him and is an unrecognizable person (tryin’ lives on), but he knows he doesn’t have the right to say anything to sirius about it

[dr-tonytonychopper]

BATFAMILY AS FOLKLORE SONGS

i’m honestly shocked i’ve haven’t done this one. this one is a little different tbh, usually i just do characters and maybe lyrics but this time i did actually did explanations and i was watching the long pond sessions so i could get accurate notes on each song. DISCLAIMER there’s a lot of run on sentences and i hope it all makes sense, peace and love-ssb✌️🫶

the 1: steph and tim, i see this as being from both of their povs. i think a relationship between them wouldn’t work long term it would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one

cardigan: dick/babs, i know that all writers have their own opinions on who is the “other woman” but timeline wise it’s kori so i see this as being from babs pov bc she goes back to him no matter what

the last great american dynasty: The Wayne’s, i feel that after Bruce adopts his kids and starts collecting others he starts kinda shifting what the wayne’s are where as when he grew up it was about image, poise and galas he starts to change and all he cares abt is if his kids are comfortable i had a marvelous time ruining everything

exile: jason and bruce, even though this song is like two lovers fighting i think it can be interpreted as jason being upset after tim becomes robin and it took you five whole minutes to pack us up and leave me with it and i can see bruce’s pov of being fed up with giving jason the chance to do the right thing but him not doing it like you’d get your knuckles bloody for me second, third and hundredth chances balancing on breaking bridges, i couldn’t turn things around you never turned things around

my tears ricochet: damian and talia, “it’s a song about greed. it’s a song about how somebody could be your best friend and your companion and your most trusted person in your life and then they could go and become your worst enemy who knows how to hurt you because they were once your most trusted person.” Taylor Swift long pond sessions you had to kill me but it killed you just the same this whole song and specifically this part and the quote reminds me of when talia made and had a clone of damian kill him i didn’t have it in me to go with grace and you’re the hero flying around saving face you hear my stolen lullabies

mirrorball: Stephanie, i’ve never been a natural all i do is try i know everyone is like this is dicks songs it’s not he’s the natural however i feel stephanie is put on this pedestal for being independent but she’s not and i feel like she morphs herself into a different version of herself depending on who she’s with “we have mirror balls in the middle of a dance floor because they reflect light they are broken a million times and that’s what makes them so shiny. we have people like that in society. they hang there and everytime they break it entertains us” Taylor Swift long pond sessions

seven: damian and jon, it’s a song abt besties idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ past down like folk songs the love lasts so long

august: kori/dick, IM SORRY DICKORI/ KORI STANS! to me when writers write this love triangle they write babs as the one, she’s smart and sensible and someone to settle down with while kori is written as a fling and something that is just someone who’s there in the moment and that’s what august is about it’s about this girl who was seen by this guy as a fling while she is truly falling for him and from everybody’s pov she’s this bad girl and temptress while all she wants is to love and to be loved

this is me trying: tim, they told me all my cages were mental so i got wasted like all my potential, tim is often now written as this happy go lucky character and i think that in red robin he’s fighting some real demons but in the newer runs he’s fighting to make it through the day or insecurities about his position in the family or as a superhero or even as bernard’s boyfriend and i feel like it’s just so real like no other character is going to compare to me when it comes to that and when it comes to his position in everyday life he is the definition as wasted potential he is crazy smart and charismatic but he just hates school and hates studying i was so ahead the curve that the curve became a sphere

illicit affairs: bruce/ talia, bruce and talias relationship is not healthy but i do believe that they both or at least bruce loved the other person and i feel like it shouldn’t even be described as an relationship because it seems like a means to an end

invisible string: the entire batfamily, definition of right place at the right time

mad woman: cass, in the comics and fics cass is often written to be a crazy, feral woman and i think that it’s a narrative constantly written about women and i feel like men are written as traumatized while women are not written or perceived with that tone they are written as vindictive or crazy

epiphany: babs and jim gordon, epiphany is written paralleling WWII to the pandemic and i think the perfect parallel in comic book history is babs and commissioner gordon fighting the same fight but taking different paths or routes and aaron dessner describes the song as comparing taylor’s family history and hero’s of today and i feel like that’s the perfect way to describe it

betty: babs/dick/kori, i already described my thoughts twice but i feel like dick would maybe take more accountability

peace: bruce/selina, imma be honest i don’t know if it’s canon that bruce doesn’t do relationships bc of batman but it’s fitting and i feel like it’s probably that even in relationships with other heroes is a conversation to be had bruce truly can’t give selina peace, he cannot promise stability or a promise of staying alive or not being over tabloids as he’s the richest man alive all these people think loves for show but i would die for you in secret

hoax: duke, duke is the one character that i can’t really get a read on but as the newest member of the batfamily i feel like there’s still this feeling in him that’s like i have this new family and i love them but at the end of the day i want my parents my parents that raised me at the end of the day he’s a boy who wants his parents. i also feel like he’s still trusting of people and he reaps what he sowed everytime

the lakes: tim/bernard: tim always has an exit plan and it’s always escaping by himself to be by himself and i feel like it’s the same no matter who he’s with but when he met and started dating bernard he finally found someone to escape with and exit the hero world for im setting off, but not without my muse

batfam (taylor’s version) is coming so lmk what albums you guys want next🤭🤭

[jxncywarrior]

Stranger Things characters and ships as Taylor Swift Albums

Part Eight: folklore

*Disclaimer: I’m tagging all the ships and characters featured. I’m gonna try not to be biased. MOST of these are strictly based on canon. No hate to ANY ships or shippers.*

the 1: Stancy (Steve’s POV)

“And if my wishes came true, it would've been you”

cardigan: Byler (Will’s POV)

“'Cause I knew everything when I was young. I knew I'd curse you for the longest time. Chasin' shadows in the grocery line. I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired. And you'd be standin' in my front porch light. I knew you'd come back to me”

the last great american dynasty: El

“Who knows if I never showed up what could've been. There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen. I had a marvelous time ruinin' everything”

exile: Lumax (Both POVs)

“I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending. I'm not your problem anymore. So who am I offending now? You were my crown now I'm in exile, seein' you out”

my tears ricochet: Mileven (El’s POV)

“I didn't have it in myself to go with grace and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves. You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same. Cursing my name, wishing I stayed. You turned into your worst fears”

mirrorball: Will

“I want you to know I'm a mirrorball. I can change everything about me to fit in. You are not like the regulars”

seven: Byler (Mike’s POV)

“Your dad is always mad and that must be why and I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates then you won't have to cry or hide in the closet”

august: Mileven (El’s POV)

“Will you call when you're back at school? I remember thinkin' I had you”

this is me trying: Jonathan

“They told me all of my cages were mental. So I got wasted like all my potential”

illicit affairs: Byler (Will’s POV)

“And you wanna scream. Don't call me "kid.” Don't call me "baby.” Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. You showed me colors. You know I can't see with anyone else”

invisible string: Jancy (Nancy’s POV)

“A string that pulled me uut of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar. Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire. Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons. One single thread of gold tied me to you”

mad woman: Nancy

“And there's nothin' like a mad woman. What a shame she went mad. No one likes a mad woman. You made her like that”

epiphany: The Entire Crew

“And some things you just can't speak about…But you dream of some epiphany. Just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you've seen”

betty: Byler (Mike’s POV)

“One time I was riding on my skateboard. When I passed your house, it's like I couldn't breathe”

peace: Ronance (Robin’s POV)

“Your integrity makes me seem small. You paint dreamscapes on the wall”

hoax: Byler (Will’s POV)

“Don't want no other shade of blue but you. No other sadness in the world would do”

the lakes: Byler (Mike’s POV)

“Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry. I'm setting off, but not without my muse”

Links to other parts of this series: Debut, Fearless, Speak Now, Red, 1989, reputation, Lover, evermore

[bpdbaddies-blog]

i’ve never shared my writing before so enjoy.

my pov:

i feel like i’m buried in the depths of hell

you can’t physically see the pain that’s lurking inside

it’s taken a toll on me and all i feel is numb

let me give you a glimpse of my life

i do my best hoping to be enough

longing for acceptance of all that i am

constantly told you talk too much

you feel too deeply

you’re way too much

i either talk too much or not enough

i see everything in black and white, there’s no middle path

i don’t think people love me

they love the versions of me i’ve spun for them

the easy parts of me, the easy parts to love

ive spend my life trying to please others

i tried to be the person they all wanted

i gave up my spirit and begged for acceptance

my very existence depends on your acceptance

i’m at war with my own body, my thoughts tell me to hate myself

i cannot look in the mirror for i fear what my brain will tell me

i don’t know who i am anymore

i stare at myself like someone i’ve never met

i’m trying to shrink myself

trying to become smaller, quieter, less me

i don’t want to be too much for people

i want people to like me

i want to be cared for and valued

i crave touch yet i flinch every time someone is close

i want to be wanted

i don’t want to hurt anymore

i’ve sacrificed myself to make others happy

i forgive over and over again and have never learned to let go

i obsess too much and pick everything apart

“i’m just a tragedy and a pity case to them” says my brain

i always feel inadequate and a burden to others

chronically unsure about life

i constantly feel so unworthy

i feel as though my life isn’t worth living

i constantly seek validation from others because i need to feel worthy

i’ll hurt you before you hurt me

“burn the bridge while they’re still on it” says my brain

i’m paranoid everything is against me

i feel trapped in my own body

i feel like i’m in a cage and it’s so hard to grow

i hate everything i am, i’m rotting inside

memories constantly flooding back

i was ruined from such a young age

they were the start of all my problems

they injected me with self doubt

i met evil when i was only a child

i was only a jester for your entertainment

i learned to be afraid as a child

harsh words stripped me of my freedom

i was just a well trained mutt

i didn’t want to be controlled

i wanted to be a child

but i never got the chance to be one

no one asked me if i was okay

why didn’t anyone help me

i must’ve deserved it all

everyone just watched me drown

i was just a child, you robbed me of my childhood

i’m too young to have these scars

i’m no longer a whole person and i never will be

parts of me died in the house i grew up in

please tell me when i will heal from your pain

i’ll forever crave an apology

but i’ll never forget the way you hurt the child i was

i was given the grab bag of mental illnesses

i wake up everyday trying to be a new person

how can someone feel so much but feel so empty

how can emptiness be so heavy

how have i survived so long when i’m so violently self destructive

you have no idea of the pain that runs through my veins

i feel so unspeakably lonely

i can’t manage all these feelings

sadness feels like suicide

distance feels like abandonment

joy feels weird and unknown

i’ll never feel good enough not even for myself

my mood was good, even great then it fell

up and down up and down like a constant roller coaster

there’s a constant battle of sad empty rage inside

i can constantly hear my heart breaking

my soul is broken in parts i didn’t know could break

i’m lonely in places i didn’t know existed inside me

i have the constant urge to run away

but i have no where to go

i’m just so tired of fighting a never ending war

i feel like i was born with tragedy in my blood

the world has drained me of everything i am

i want to dissolve into nothingness

sometimes i think i would be better off dead

but there might be another way out

but i wouldn’t know because i’ve been buried alive

[dinorsaur]

"this is me trying" by ms swift is SUCH a cherik song i aM going insANe

[florencedrose]

𝓟𝓸𝓿: 𝓗𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓑𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓗𝓸𝓶𝓮

“Querem me transformar na vilã?  Assim seja, então eu sou a vila”

                                                  -Mamãe Gothel

Situações como aquela, exigiam medidas como a que estava tomando, queria que existissem outro modo, outra alternativa, mas era necessário que fizesse aquilo, pensou em rogar pela interseção do Vincent, mas isso só resultaria em problemas ao irmão mais velho, e tudo que ela não precisava agora, era lidar com seu irmão sofrendo alguma sanção do pai, porque tentara a ajudar de alguma forma. Desde que soube do que estava acontecendo, não contou a ninguém, depois do soco do estômago que sentiu ao ser informada daquilo, guardou para si a dor, pensando em qual seria a melhor forma de lidar com aquilo, mas Florence nunca fora muito boa em lidar com as coisas, em especial quando isso mexia com seus ressentimentos familiares.

Na manhã seguinte, deixou um recado com a secretária de Merlin, notificando o diretor do que faria, e sem avisar mais ninguém partiu até o porto, pegando o primeiro navio que passaria em Arcadia, sua decisão estava tomada, faria aquilo por si mesmo, precisava tentar, não acreditava que aquilo teria qualquer efetividade, mas dizia a si mesmo que precisava ter esperança e que precisava tentar, era hora de lutar por si mesma, Conhecera a liberdade e pode sonhar com a vida que queria. Não sonhar dentro das paredes de um quarto, mas sonhar a partir do próprio mundo vislumbrando o que queria ou idealizava agora em que as portas estavam abertas.

Os  três dias de viagem que ficou no navio, passaram a disputar o título dos dias mais angustiante em sua vida, teve tempo para pensar e repensar toda a situação inúmeras vezes, assim também como pensar se valia realmente a pena tentar do modo que a princesa decidiu que faria, por vezes quis desistir, quis voltar, mas fora impedida pela própria logística e geografia, não havia como voltar, e agora seria preciso tirar força das próprias entranhas, engolir seco, pigarrear e limpar a garganta, e enfrentar este destino que naquele momento ela mesmo se impôs. Suas mãos apertavam a borda das paredes do navio, tão forte quanto se ela fosse capaz de amassar o metal, enquanto mirava o porto, podia sair do navio e entrar no próximo que retornaria a Aether, mas que pessoa seria se voltasse a trás, se desistisse assim tão facilmente do que se propôs a fazer?

Repetia para si mesma que era o quinto raiar do sol de arcadia, na expectativa que aquilo lhe desse qualquer força para que pudesse continuar, precisava se manter positiva. Assim que saiu do navio, a princesa partiu diretamente para Rosehall, quando chegava ao palácio a primeira coisa de que lembrava era de sua mãe, era possível ver os enormes jardins que cercavam o castelo, as roseiras mais bonitas do continente que ali eram cultivadas, a verdade era que Arcadia e Rosehall, era muito mais do que seu governante merecia, mas esse era um tópico que ela não pretendia discutir naquele dia, as pretensões de ir até lá, eram exclusivamente diplomáticas.

Os portões se abriram, e conforme o esperado, os funcionários ficaram um tanto quanto agitados, ninguém esperava que Florence estivesse ali, ela devia estar em Dillamond, alguns olhares contudo era difíceis de interpretar, alguns apreensivos, outros tentavam esboçar um sorriso, quase nenhum deles sinceros, era possível ver entre eles até mesmo sorrisos com sinais de desespero e nervosismo, outros com um certo pesar e lamento, e tinham também aqueles que desviavam o olhar e tentavam agir com certa normalidade. Seguiu para dentro do castelo, e quando viu um dos funcionários responsável pela administração o abordou. “Lynx, peux-tu dire à Adam, que eu estou aqui, e quero falar com ele urgentemente” observou-o assentir com a cabeça e se retirar em direção ao escritório do patriarca. Saiu em busca de sua mãe, enquanto esperava uma devolutiva do rei arcadiano, quando cruzou a biblioteca, avisou Belle, próxima a janela que dava para o jardim com um livro, a rainha a olhou com certo espanto, deixou transparecer um sorriso nervoso, colocando o livro sobre a mesa mais próxima, e após segundos de silêncio entre as duas, Florence e Belle foram de encontro uma com a outra findando em um abraço, como sentia saudades da mãe, do seu afeto.

— Você não avisou que vinha? O que está fazendo por aqui? —  A rainha falou enquanto ainda abraçava sua filha, Florence podia notar, certa insegurança e nervosismo na fala da mãe. Antes que pudesse a responder,  fora interrompida por um toque na porta do cômodo. Conseguinte terminaram de se abraçar, para dar atenção a quem quer que fosse. Era o mesmo funcionário de antes, ele apenas pediu licença e informou que Adam estava pronto para ver a caçula, os olhos de Belle arregalaram ao fitar a mais nova, pigarreando, e tentando manter um sorriso aparente. A princesa sequer podia imaginar o que se passava na cabeça da m��e, nem sequer entendia o que passava dentro da sua própria cabeça, engoliu seco antes de agradecer o homem, e pedir licença a matriarca.

Então havia chegado o momento, desde de que decidira  ir até lá,  até aquele momento, pensou na cena seguinte, aquela, que ocorreria, após passar a grande porta do escritório e finalmente encarar o seu pai, ela vislumbrou em sua mente, todas as possíveis coisas que desdobrariam a partir de quando ela cruzasse aquele limiar, não sabia se estava disposta a pagar o preço daquilo, mas tinha a necessidade de fazer aquilo.

Suspirou profundamente,antes que tocasse a maçaneta da porta abrindo a única barreira que a separava da quimera, ajeitou a postura assim que abriu a porta, pedindo licença ao entrar, Adam a fitou por um tempo, até semicerrou os olhos, antes de arquear uma das sobrancelhas, como se estivesse esperando algo dela, foi só aí que ela se tocou, a reverência, algo que doía toda vez que precisava fazer a ele, reverenciar o homem que ele era, e se tinha algo que ele não era, era digno de sua reverência. “Votre majesté” cumprimentou-o solenemente, prestando a devida reverência ao rei.  Com certo desdém, ele apenas apontou a cadeira para que ela se sentasse.

— A senhorita deve saber que eu tenho a agenda ocupada, e que se quiser falar comigo, deveria avisar com antecedência, presumo que não tenha feito nada estúpido para ser expulsa, como o seu irmão, se bem que se esse fosse o caso, o velho já teria me avisado, e você estaria trancada em seu quarto. — Ele ponderou calmamente, ou ao menos aparentava estar calmo, o tom evidente que percebia em sua voz era apenas de desprezo e desgosto nada fora do normal. — O ano nem acabou e você já está aqui, entendeu que viver em sociedade talvez não seja o seu forte?

Ele entoava aquelas palavras com a mais clara naturalidade, o que apenas fazia com que o seu sangue fervesse, e que a caçula evitasse o contato direto com os olhos do pai, bastaram as primeiras palavras do pai, para que percebesse o grande erro, e o quão estúpida fora a ir até lá, contudo era natural ter certa cautela medo, diante do pai, e não queria discutir com ele naquele momento, disse a si mesmo que tentaria resolver aquilo diplomaticamente

— Perdão, votre majesté. Mas há urgência do assunto não me permitiu esperar, fui pega de surpresa, e precisei vir até aqui falar com o senhor. —  Tentou ser o mais mansa e compassiva possível, mesmo que internamente encontrava-se no conflito de pular e agarrar o pescoço do pai, ou sair correndo chorando, até para onde seus pés permitissem correr.

— E o que há de tão urgente assim, que nem sequer falou ainda? —  proferiu de maneira seca e grotesca, antes disso ele mesmo não havia dado abertura para que ela falasse, tendo que conter a vontade de revirar os olhos.

— Eu soube de um acordo político que o sen..perdão, que votre majesté, anda orquestrando, e isso envolve me casar com Ian Dunbroch, eu vim humildemente lhe pedir que não prossiga com isso.

A reação de Adam foi uma longa gargalhada, incrédula. — Não basta ser bruxa, é burra? Você acha mesmo que posso sair fazendo e desfazendo acordos, por que você está me pedindo? É para isso que veio de Aether? Só pode ser piada.

A gargalhada fez com que a princesa se sentisse estúpida e idiota, recuando com um passo para trás, ainda tentando se manter firme e altiva.  — Desolé, votre Majesté, não é isso, é que um acordo em que envolve o resto de minha vida foi traçado sem nem ao menos me consultar.

— Você está dizendo que eu e toda a corte primaveril, devemos agir do modo que você acha certo? Quer me ensinar como devo conduzir as coisas no meu reino. — O tom de Adam, já estava se alterando, o mesmo apoiou as mãos na mesa se levantando e encarando a princesa.

— Não é isso, apenas queria ser consultada de um acordo que me envolve me prender a um homem que eu sequer amo. —  suspirou, tentando arranjar alguma força e dando um passo em direção ao pai, a fim de mostrar que não se deixaria intimidar pela figura de autoridade ali.

— Como acha que são feito os acordos?  Não esqueça que você pertence a mim, e eu a entrego para quem eu quiser. Quem diria que para alguém que viveu a infância toda num quarto ainda conseguiria ser uma sonhadora e idealista, de todo jeito a mesma bruxa tola e pueril.

Dessa vez a princesa não recuou, sentiu o sangue ferver, borbulhar enquanto percorria todo o seu corpo, ele tinha uma prazer sadista em sempre lembrar e relembrar que ele prendeu-a, que ela era um monstro e um peão, que não servia para nada, ingênua e burra, os nervos ardiam como se ela quisesse apenas quebrar tudo, joga-lo da janela daquela sala junto com todos os seus problema, conter a raiva, fez os olhos brilharem devida as lágrimas que ali tentavam sustentar, sem deixar com que elas saíssem banhando-lhe a face.

— Não é isso, eu só quero ser livre, casar com alguém que eu amo e que me ame também, eu não quero ser uma moeda, um objeto de troca, não quero ser nenhum de seus troféus. — Esbravejou, por mais que tivesse certo temor do pai, quando os sentimentos gritavam, Florence ouvia mais nada se não a raiva e ressentimento, agindo não racionalmente, mas guiada pelo coração que ardia em chamas tapando-lhe a visão ou qualquer senso de sobrevivência, fitou o pai se aproximar, mas não podia recuar e nem queria, toda sua energia mágica vibrava, por mais que a criança de se desejasse correr, e os olhos marejados, a chama dentro de si ardia, em aether Florence, enfrentou bruxas, demônios e ogros, não era uma menina frágil, e chama ordenava que ela então que ela enfrentasse o monstro que temia por toda a sua via.

Adam, gargalhou com a fala de sua caçula se aproximando dela. —  Não ache que é qualquer troféu meu, você está muito além disso.  — Rebateu depois de terminar de rir, antes de assumir uma postura ainda mais séria, os olhos ferozes, antes de dizer aquilo que ela sabia que ele pensava dela, mas nunca o viu dizer em voz alta. — Você não é nada, na-da. — sofreu o golpe engolindo seco, antes a agressão fosse apenas, mas o que sucedera as palavras de Adam, fora seu palmo destro atingindo em cheio a face da loira, como se retirasse dela qualquer dignidade ou respeito que tive por ela, ao ponto que Florence se sentia completamente nua, envergonhada, se sentia menos que o resto de comida que era jogado aos porcos. A mão da princesa, percorreram pela pele alva, tingida de rubra dado ao impacto da mão pesada do rei, os olhos que viram o chão finalmente se ergueram para encarar o agressor, ela já havia passada por algo assim na floresta, quando as vozes fizeram se sentir daquela maneira, talvez naquele momento Florence pudesse estar beirando a insanidade, visto que a raiva era maior que o medo e por um breve momento sua vontade fora de rir, fato era que estava instável e tudo que ela queria era romper as paredes daquele quarto, e nunca mais se sentir assim.

— Você está enganado. — A voz da princesa ressoou como um trovão, junto da rajada telecinética que instintivamente deixou seu corpo como um movimento natural, se guiando pelo desejo apenas de se livrar daquela criatura, Adam fora agressivamente lançado contra a parede, talvez o espírito da besta, era algo que todos os D’Rose dividiam, Florence não podia se transformar nela, mas vez e outra seu coração e espírito eram impregnados pelo sentimento execrável e bestial. que tinha sede por sangue e morte. Com certa velocidade a porta se abriu entrando dois guardas pessoais do rei, que vigiavam a porta, talvez pela discussão acalorada, abrupta e agressivamente a princesa foi segurada e contida.  mas nem assim ela recuou, apenas olhou para o Adam se erguendo quando entoou. —  Eu sou o quinto raiar do sol,  o amanhecer, o florescer e a primavera de Arcadia,  meu nome é Florence Villanueve D’Rose, princesa de Arcadia, a primeira de seu nome.

Dessa vez Adam não gargalhou, talvez estivesse um tanto quanto envergonhado pela presença dos guardas e por ser derrubado pela filha caçula… engano o seu, não tardou a transparecer nos lábios de seu progenitor um sorriso presunçoso e covarde no canto dos lábios. — Você não é nada, não é uma D’Rose, tampouco minha filha, você é uma bruxa — As palavras lhe eram oferecidas covardemente enquanto era segurada pelos guardas, as lágrimas não podiam mais ser contidas, escorriam pela face alheia, enquanto brutal e forçadamente escutava aquelas palavras, que apunhalaram não só o ouvido, mas cada parte da extensão do corpo da princesa. mas também, ao menos ainda podia desviar o olhar do agressor, não tornava aquilo menos dolorido ou palatável, mas era a única coisa que podia fazer para lidar, e esconder o choro, não queria mostrar estar sendo tão afetadas, não queria admitir que ele tinha qualquer poder sobre ela, queria ser livre. Ouvia a voz da besta sussurrar no seu ouvido, como se a besta pedisse pelo controle de seu corpo, que permitisse que a deixasse  resolver aquilo, ela se oferecia, para acolher a princesa, Florence cedeu abraçando a fera deixando que ela assumisse dali em diante, introspectando em si a fim de remendar seus próprios pedaços, o espírito bestial se apropriou do corpo da princesa, para qu a fim de lidar com os ataques. Contudo aquilo era uma fábula que contava a si mesmo como forma de tornar seu lado sombrio algo mais palatável e aceito por ela,, não havia a besta e a princesa, ambos viviam juntos, e ambos era Florence, a  besta sempre fluiu dentro de seu corpo, pulsante como sua magia, inata e inerente a ela. — Eu quero que você saiba que eu desejo esse casamento o quanto antes, porque então você será um problema dos Dunbroch, e não mais de Arcadia. — Ele falava aquilo com um certo prazer, sádico e doentio, era isso que lia nos rostos deles, mas Florence, agora alimentada pela raiva estava pronta para responder seu carcereiro no mesmo tom.

— Está bem Adam, Você quer que eu seja a bruxa, então eu serei a bruxa. —  respondeu destemida, concentrando a energia telecinética no epicentro de seu corpo, até não ser mais capaz de contê-la, liberando-o de uma só vez, quando a loira abriu nos olhos, o pai e os guardas desacordados no chão, a mobília quebrada e revirada. A besta não estava lá para ampará-la, ao ver aquela cena sabia, que mais um minuto sequer no castelo, corria risco de nunca mais voltar para Dillamond.

Aos prantos a bruxa, saiu da sala correndo o mais rápido dali, correndo para fora das  terras de Rosehall, quando passou por sua mãe, estava envergonhada e com medo, não queria ver a pressão dela, optou por olhar para pés dela, sem coragem de a encará-la, e sem que pegasse uma carruagem o mais rápido que podia para porto, tinha consciência, que tampouco poderia voltar logo para Arcadia, e seria casada com Dunbroch o quanto antes, umas vez que se seu pai nem sequer olharia para ela, se não fosse para a trancafiar nos calabouços dessa vez. Partiu de volta para instituto, tendo na lembrança, o escritório do pai, os pés de sua mãe sobre o salto, e a vista de Rosehall do porto, se perguntando se algum dia poderia voltar para lá.

[qmii]

"This is me trying" by Taylor Swift is my (personal, late diagnosis) autistic anthem

Before I start, this is from a late diagnosis  autistic POV it probably won't be relatable otherwise.

My current hyperfixation is Taylor Swift, and out of all her songs, "this is me trying" hits the hardest. The parallels that the song has with autistic burnout are insane to me, I understand that she did not mean it to come off that way but I could use so many lyrics from the song to prove my point:

"I've been having a hard time adjusting,  I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting"

"they told me all of my cages were mental,  so I got wasted like all my potential"

"I was so ahead of the curve the curve became a sphere, fell behind on my classmates and I ended up here" 

"it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound"

Surley this fits every single gifted kid's experience, but I think the entire notion that being so ahead that you don't notice you're actually putting yourself behind in so many other areas is such an autism thing. We don't really realize that we are actually hurting ourselves by over performing in every way we can, until it's too late and we are incredibly behind emotionally and we have depleted literally all of our sources of masking energy.

So yeah I just really wanted to talk about this song because I really love it, and and I really would love if other autistic people give me their own songs that they think are relatable even if they aren't necessarily written about autism!

[shivada-jade]

how to be romantic

characters: zhongli, childe (the wingman) ➡ mentions: xiao, venti, hu tao warning(s): n/a unless you havent gone to liyue. why havent you gone to liyue? FINISH THE MONDSTADT QUEST AND GO TO LIYUE.

Zhongli's everyone's ideal man.

Intelligent, amusing, respectful, and extremely good looking.

Zhongli knows many things including Liyue's history and, well... Teyvat's history.

Though, romance is not something he touched base with over the time he spent in Teyvat. He was, after all, a war leader. He was a fighter, not a lover, but over time when he settles down at the harbour, he found you.

Being romantic is for losers, as a certain bard would tell him long ago, chugging two gallons of wine. Pretty ironic how his city turned to be a city of romance as much as it is freedom.

You were someone who did not make him feel like someone to be worshipped as he was once worshipped. You did not make him feel belittled or someone of unimportance. You made him feel whole, and for that he is forever thankful.

He tends to ramble about ancient history, but you assure him you find it as interesting as he does. You would usually tease him saying you might know more than him until you thought you saw a certain Yaksha near by. The certain Yaksha threatened you with the tip of his polearm when he fits you as any threat to Zhongli, whether physically or mentally. Ahah, but it's okay you're both buddy-buddy now. You make the best almond tofu.

Zhongli will forever be yours, he promises you. Through thick or thin or through any rainy day, he promises he will be forever yours. You bro-zone him.

As he sits on the chair drinking his tea, his eyes wander from person to person, noting how many of them were in pairs: pair of siblings, a pair of friends, a pair of lovers, a pair of enemies. Everything is in a pair.

A pair of blue eyes interrupt his thought. Zhongli sets his teacup down and nods to Childe in acknowledgement.

"How do you do, Childe?"

Childe grins and puts his hands behind his head, taking a seat in front of Zhongli. "Oh nothing much. Juuust checking in to see how my favourite grandpa is. How are you? How's the spouse and three kids, living near the beach with their pet hamster? Ayo shawty bae, make sure you-"

Zhongli indeed knows a lot of things, but Childe's way of talking might just be something he may never understand.

"Childe, let us get to the point."

"Right, so! As your awesome wingman who got you the love of your life and even matchmade with countless of other people, I, Childe, the lovable Fatui Harbinger, the hottest person here, the best ginger there is-"

"The point, please," Zhongli says, offering to pour tea for his friend.

Childe refuses with a polite smile, "I have come with thee with a way to spice up your love life!"

Zhongli pauses and then lifts the cup up, sipping the tea, humming to show he heard.

Blue eyes dull and Childe whines, "Come on! I went through so much trouble in making a step-by-step guide on how to be romantic." His arms droop to his side.

The former Archon lifts a brow and places his tea down again, "Amuse me."

"Great!" Childe high-fives himself under the table. His right hand fishes for something hidden in his left sleeve and pulls it out. It was a long scroll of messy writing.

"Ahahah!" He slaps the scroll on the paper. The title read, 60 Impressive Ways to Be Romantic. "Mr Zhongli, you will not regret following these simple steps! You're already the man, but now you'll be... the better man! It works 100%"

"Preposterous," Zhongli chuckles. "I don't think I need this to win over [Name's] heart."

"Dude, [Name] bro-zoned you yesterday."

The wind brings the sound of laughter to Zhongli's ears, as if mocking him. Sometimes, he really wanted to punch the wind.

...

Tartaglia's way of showing romance seems to cost a fortune. Zhongli knows at this point this is one of Tartaglia's entertainment, because halfway through the scroll it scribbled, "AFFORDABLE ways to be romantic :)"

...

You come home to rose petals littering your doorstep and silk flowers perching on your window. A little neat note is clipped in between the door and the door frame.

After working, all you wanted to do is sleep, so that is what you did. You were too tired to notice the change and left the letter falling on the floor.

Mission failed!

Childe pats Zhongli's pat like he was a rejected kid on the playground.

"So what? Maybe step number 38 just wasn't it. Let's skip to step 69."

"There's only 60 steps, though," Zhongli quickly points out.

"Oh.. just change the number 60 to 69. It'll be like 57, 58, 59, 69 and done!"

...

Step 45: Take them out on a nerd date.

Zhongli has already told you so much about his knowledge, he doesn't think there's much to do.

Step 48: Explore the unknown!

You almost fell in a ravine when you and Zhongli went out for a simple walk. No way was he going to let that happen again.

Step 52: How are you all the way here? Make their favourite dish!"

Hu Tao sabotaged a dish once and Zhongli proceeded to think he's a horrible chef.

Step 54: I'm out of ideas. Just don't be a wimp and place an arm over their shoulder while you're against a wall or something. What's the word.. kabedon?"

Zhongli notes the Inazuman term and sweat drops. Maybe Zhongli is a wimp. No he isn't, but he wouldn't know if you would be comfortable with that. He would like to make sure you feel safe around him before doing such things.

Step 60: You made it here, so I'm assuming nothing from the other steps worked. Just ask them out and be direct. If you're rejected then I'm here!

"Well? Why do you like them to begin with?" Childe questions Zhongli one day with a palm resting under his chin.

Golden eyes soften when describing details that make you one of a kind as Childe takes out a quill, ink and a paper.

The next day, Childe ushers Zhongli to meet you. He shoves Zhongli to your house and quietly waits in a bush, listening to what's going to happen.

Zhongli waits outside your doorstep, knocking. He does not have much with him, just a single glazed lily in one hand.

He waits a few moments and you open the door.

"Hi there, Zhongli!"

Zhongli lights up when he sees your bright aura.

"Hello-"

"You're late."

That went downhill really fast, but Zhongli is a man of patience. "I beg your pardon?..." he trails off, wondering what he was late for.

"The letter, the flowers, the little lunches you packed for me these days?" You explain, heaving a basket from inside and showing Zhongli the little collection of gifts he gave you. He thought random people got his gifts instead of you because it would always be gone by the next day without ever seeing you take it.

Zhongli clears his throat, honestly flustered that you took care of his gifts with great care, even placing it in a delicate basket. By delicate, the fanciest looking basket out there.

He reaches for your hand, gently placing a Glazed Lily. "What am I late for?"

You walk back inside, carefully placing the Glazed Lily in a vase and come outside with a blue letter. You curiously ask, "Did you not send this letter?"

Zhongli looks at the letter with a smile gracing his face. In your hand is a blue letter with a small whale stamp in the corner.

To my dearest,

I do not wish to keep my feelings for you caged in. I'm not one to forget many things, but when I am with you, I seem to forget all the pain this world has caused me.

At times I feel unreachable or unapproachable to many people. At times I feel I may never fit in this new life in Liyue I chose, but when you show me the thousands of reasons why I need to stay, I stay for you. I realize when I am not with you, Liyue is dull. When I am not with you, I am cold, but when I am with you, I am full of warmth and happiness.

Your eyes that tell me more stories than I can imagine are stunning. The smile that comes with it tops it all off. Your awful jokes and horrible sense of humour make me at peace, showing me there is a little humour in everything.

I wish I can go on and list more, but my ink is running short.

I simply adore you, my dear.

I can only hope you feel the same for me. My gifts for you are material, but my love for you will be eternal.

Would you be able to free yourself to spend the day with me tomorrow by noon?

Yours,

Zhongli

note: JHDSJNDSDNALNDAHJHDNMDSNMAMNDNMF,,C,MVMNXCVNVCNMCVXNMCVXNMCNMM,JDFSLDFNMSKDAFJJFDKREY3RKNLFDFSNMDDAJLNLAALKADPODMKLCXBEGHRGHGNML

you read it this far EHHDAHDHJ HOW

(childe's pov)

[mazzystar24]

The promised in depth Taylor swift analysis of malex:

This may have multiple parts

Edit: this is definitely having multiple parts I gave up midway

1. Renegade -Specific to Season 2-

Memorable lines in the song:

Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these? -cmon season two finale who

And let all your damage damage me

Carry your baggage up my street and make me your future history

You wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody

Is it insensitive for me to say get your shit together? So I can love you

Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything?Or do you just not want to?

There was nowhere for me to stay But I stayed anyway

You fire off missiles 'cause you hate yourself But do you know you're demolishing me?and then you squeeze my hand as I'm about to leave. ——-this line especially is accurate

And if I would’ve known how sharp the peices were you’d crumpled into I might’ve let them lay

Like you can’t tell me this song isn’t Alex’s perspective in season two like Michael pushing him away and him staying anyways And like the whole it isn’t their time thing??? RENEGADE AS FUCK

2. Come back be here -this is specific to the lost decade

Memorable lines:

“I told myself, don't get attached But in my mind, I play it back Spinning faster than the plane that took you”

“Delicate beginning rush”

“If I would’ve known what I know now I never would've played so nonchalant”

“Taxi cabs and busy streets That never bring you back to me I can't help but wish you took me with you”

“This is when the feeling sinks in I don't wanna miss you like this”

“Come back, be here”

“And I don't wanna need you this way”

“This is falling in love in the cruelest way This is falling for you and you are worlds away”

3. Tis the damn season - also lost decade or like early season one vibes if you wanna be really specific think of the morning Alex stayed

If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone I would have asked you

There's an ache in you put there by the ache in me

And the road not taken looks real good now and it always leads to you in my hometown

Time flies messy as the mud on your truck tires

Sleep in half the day just for old times sake and I won’t ask you to wait if you won’t ask me to stay

And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm fakin'

And the heart I know I’m breaking is my own to leave the warmest bed I’ve ever know

We could call it even even though I’m leaving and I’ll be yours for the weekend

4. The last time- lost decade and season one vibes yet again cos Taylor loves angst almost as much as the writers

Basically every Gary lightbody line is Alex’s pov and every Taylor swift line is Michael’s pov because the song flows sort of like a conversation between a malex vibed couple

I find myself at your door just like all those times before I’m not sure how I got there all roads they lead me here

You open your eyes into mine and everything feels better

And right before your eyes I’m breaking no past no reasons why just you and me

This is the last time I’m asking you this put my name at the top of your list this is the last time I’m asking you why you break my heart in the blink of an eye

You find yourself at my door just like all those times before you wear your best apology but I was there to watch you leave

All those times I let you in just for you to go again disappear when you come back everything is better

This is the last time you tell me I’ve got it wrong

This is the last time I say it’s been you all along

This is the last time I let you in my door

This is the last time I won’t hurt you anymore

5. This is me trying - this one is harder to break down because it fits both povs but isn’t as clearly broken up as the last time but mostly by verse

Alex lines:

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that

Could’ve followed my fears all the way down

Maybe I don’t quite know what to say but I’m here in your door way

Michael lines:

They told me all of my cages were mental so I got wasted like all my potential

and my words shoot to kill when I’m mad I have a lot of regrets about that

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here

Pouring out my heart to a stranger But I didn't pour the whiskey

Either:

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound it's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you you're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town

6. Tears ricochet- Alex pov doesn’t fit perfectly but eh this is purely if you wanna turn the angst on season two dial to like 100

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe all the hell you gave me? 'cause I loved you, I swear I loved you 'til my dying day

I can go anywhere I want anywhere I want just not home

You can aim for my heart go for blood but you will still miss me in your bones

I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves you had to kill me but it killed you just the same

cursing my name wishing I’d stayed

And you’re tossing out blame drunk on this pain crossing out the good years

AND MY HANDS ARE HURTING SO PART TWO IS IMMINENT

[lilacerull0]

ok so top 5

- comfort episodes (any tv show)

- taylor songs that makes you feel like 'man, she really gets me'

comfort episodes:

1. 2x21 Lorelai's Graduation Day (Gilmore Girls)

record store!literati! the family dynamics! rory drama! muah 💋

2. 4x16 While You Weren't Sleeping (Gossip Girl)

her... little feet... on... his... brooklyn... old ugly couch... the friendship... the care... the making sure she's sleeping and making a fuss about it... he! wrote! an! article! from! her! pov! probably the episode before that one too because🥺 YOU DO OFTEN SEEM CURSED *smiles softly over the phone so nobody sees it*:

3. 1x01 Everybody Lies (House M.D.)

this. (Does he care about you? I think so. *SCREAMS*)

4. 3x04 Girl Meets Permament Record (Girl Meets World)

YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN RILEY THAT'S YOUR PERMANENT RECORD!!!!!!!!!

5. 3x05 I Am Fearless and Therefore Powerful (Anne with an E)

I MEAN????????? dancing in film is my weakness ok ok ok????

those are the ones that come to mind first <3

As for TS songs it's more about the specific lyrics than the entire songs for me when it comes to her music because she shares so many stories in only one song? That's what I love the most about her, the storytelling, the little stories existing inside of the main one. So I'm listing five lyrics that make me go absolutely insane (lyrics that get me. yep lyrics that get me.)

1. i wish to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed (ivy) call out

2. and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad, I have a lot of regrets about that + they told me all of my cages were mental (this is me trying)

3. time, curious time gave me no compasses, gave me no signs, were there clues i didn't see? (invisible string)

4. all these people think love's for show but i would die for you in secret/would it be enough if i could never give you peace? (peace)

5. please picture me in the weeds before i learned civility, i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted (seven)

+ bonus (tracks ;): and i know it's sad but this is what i think about (nothing new) and i've got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you/i see right through me, can you see right through me? (the archer)

and the songs that are really my songs in their entirety are renegade, new year's day, dorothea (but like... if we had dorothea's pov, that. that would be me.), champagne problems (Jo not Amy March interpretation) and forever winter probably... + the willow mv! and epiphany is like... sacred to me. folklore is!

[brandyllyn]

War makes thieves, and peace hangs them (pt1)

Summary: When Santi needs people for a mission he knows just who to call. But it quickly becomes apparent they’re short one key role - a thief. Preferably one with nice breasts who makes friends easily.

Told from POV of Triple Frontier characters and while it’s an OFC she is never described. Her "name" is a radio handle. 

Other chapters... My Masterlist

Word count: 2319. Read it on AO3.

Author’s note: Look, I’ve been itching to write something hella raunchy and while I love my other fics they’re full of soft people being dorks and falling love. This is not that. This is filthy smut basically from the go. The plot (what of it there is) exists solely to allow these people to have sex. Also, Fuck Tom. He’s in this fic for like 90 seconds before I summarily get rid of him.

Rating: R swearing. objectification. drugs (mentioned, not used). gendered slurs. no sex in this chapter.

"It’s a five man job," Santi was saying it for the third time that night but Benny just kept shaking his head at him. Across from Benny, Frankie pushes his ball cap off, tossing his arm over his chair and letting it dangle from two fingers.

"C’mon you guys," Frankie starts to say but is cut off.

"Maybe, but not this five," Will points out.

"You had no right to call in someone else without talking to me," Santi can feel the edge to his voice.

"Am I wrong?"

The question deflates the irritation out of Santi. No, he wasn’t. That was the shitty part. The more they found out about this job the more he realized they were going to need someone with a different skillset than the five of them. "Fine, who is he? How do you know him?"

"We ran into each other in South Africa. Ended up on the same job, different sides," Benny taps a finger against his beer bottle. "A few other, less than legal, follow-ups. They’re the best I know of Santi."

"Yeah," Santi picks his bottle up, draining the last of it. "But all things considered I’m not sure that means much."

Benny rolls his eyes. "Whatever man, they’ll be here tonight. I’ll introduce you and you can make your own decision. Fair?"

Santi nods once and watches as Benny gets up. "I’ll get the next round." The other men waggle their beers and Benny doesn’t even bother counting before heading off the empty outside patio and back into the bar.

It was a quiet night, at a quiet out of the way bar. From their vantage on the patio over the water they can see people as they arrive, but also are surrounded on three sides by water, minimizing eavesdroppers.

"I don’t like it," Tom grumbles and Santi turns to him.

"I feel like we’ve covered that," he points out.

"Some new guy we don’t know? Fuck Pope, this whole thing is already too dangerous," Tom continues.

"What do you want me to do," he hisses. "I’ve come too fucking far to back out-"

He pauses when he hears the door to the patio open, a waitress coming through with a tray of beers. He’d clocked her from the corner of his eye, about eight miles of the longest legs he’s ever seen in his life, bare from tiny denim shorts down to a pair of unlaced combat boots.

Those were odd. Not necessarily what he would have expected. He studies her a bit more closely as she sets the tray of beers down, squatting next to the table to transfer the tray from her shoulder to the table. Tom had already fallen face first into the girl’s cleavage - which was either ample or benefitting greatly from being on display in a bright orange halter top that started somewhere around her rib cage. She returned Tom’s lascivious stare with a wink, brushing her body against the man’s as she stood back up and passed one of the bottles to him.

Santi reached for one but was blocked by her body as she leaned across the table, sliding a bottle to Frankie who rubbed a hand over his mouth and tried in vain to make eye contact with something other than her breasts. Will was silent on receiving his, a half smile on his face as he watched her stretch a bottle to him. Finally she turns to Santi, placing the last beer in front of him and flipping the tray up under her arm.

"Tu amigo pagó," she smiles, gesturing with her chin inside. He glances that way and sees Benny nodding back from the bar, tucking bills into his wallet. "Tienes algo…" she starts to say and he turns back to see her pluck a bit of fuzz off the collar of his shirt. Smiling, she pinches it between her fingers and flicks it over his shoulder. "De nada."

"Gracias," he winks at her and she winks back before flouncing off the patio and back into the bar. Both Frankie and Tom turn around fully in their chairs to watch her - but Santi was perfectly positioned to watch the sway of her ass as she went back inside.

"Hot damn," Tom gives a low whistle.

Santi rolls his eyes, focusing on the beer in front of him. To his left, Frankie is fiddling with a coaster before he suddenly jerks and looks at his hand with suspicion.

"What the fuck?" Frankie snaps. "Where the fuck is my hat?"

"What?" Will asks.

"My hat. My fucking hat." Frankie holds up the coaster and glares at it, then at Santi. "Where is my fucking hat?"

"Did you set it-" Santi starts but Frankie cuts him off.

"I was holding it in my goddamn hand. And now I’m not." Frankie pushes himself back from the table, peering under it.

"What’s got Fish riled up?" Benny asks, sliding into a chair on the other side of the table.

"He’s throwing a fit about his hat," Will fills him in.

"Fuck you, I liked that hat," Frankie grouses, eyes still scanning the floor.

Ben laughs and Frankie shoots him a dirty look. "Ah, I see you’ve met our thief then," Benny says with a satisfied smirk.

"What?" Frankie jerks forward, the legs of his chair hitting the wood of the deck with a thunk.

Santi cocks his head, "You set up a little audition did you?" When Benny nods Santi grins. "The waitress?" Will nods again and gestures to someone inside. A minute later, the woman pulls up a chair next to Ben - wearing Frankie’s hat. He had to admit, she looked cute. He hadn’t gotten a good look at her face before, a little preoccupied with other parts of her, but she was quite stunning.

"You should give Frankie his hat back," Santi tells her in a low voice.

"Nah," Frankie quickly interjects, a little slack-jawed. "You can uh… you can keep it. For a bit." She grins at Frankie and judging from the look on his friend’s face, Santi had an idea of what mental image Frankie would be jerking off to later that night.

"Boys, this is Wildcat," Ben wraps an arm over the woman’s shoulders, "the best thief I’ve ever met. And ours for this mission."

"Neat trick with the hat," Tom says to her breasts.

"Not to burst your bubble Benny," she turns to him, "but I can’t take the job."

"What? Why not?"

She reaches into her top and while Santi would have sworn that you couldn’t fit so much as a tic-tac in there she manages to pull out a small baggie of off-white crystal powder. A flick of her wrist and it lands in the middle of the table. "I don’t deal with this kind of shit."

Santi reaches for it, getting there just before Tom who mutters 'bitch' under his breath. Holding it up for a moment he studies it before hiding it under his palm on the table. "Who’d you take it from?"

"Me," Tom sounds defeated.

"Yeah, like I said, I don’t deal with this kind of shit." She turns to Benny and shrugs, "Sorry babe, you’ll have to find someone else." She gets up, leaning over the table and placing the ball cap back on Frankie’s head and giving it a flirtatious tap. From his angle, Santi can see practically the same view as Frankie, as well as the line of her back and the curve of her ass as she leans over.

She kisses the top of Ben’s head when she stands up, giving Tom a wide berth and going around the table. Santi doesn’t watch her past that, eyes on Tom.

"What the fu-" but he’s interrupted by something shiny dropping onto the table.

"Sorry," her voice was right next to his ear, "forgot this."

It takes Santi a full five seconds to process what he’s seeing. One of his dog tags. He pulls his chain out of his shirt quickly, sees the primary one… and the loose shorter chain hanging empty.

"Son of a-" he turns but she’s at the door already, winking and blowing him a kiss before leaving.

"Pope let me-" Tom starts but Santi turns on him.

"Fucking meth, man? What’s wrong with you?"

"Hey, it’s just a bit to help me keep going," Tom raises his hands, "don’t fucking act like it’s the end of the fucking world."

"You’re out," Santi says it with finality.

"What?"

"Anyone have a problem with that?" Santi looks at the other three men but they all shake their heads.

"Fuck you," Tom spits, "fucking Fish has a coke problem and I don’t see any of you-"

"Hey," Frankie leans forward, pointing a finger at Tom, "you can go fuck yourself."

"Not if I-"

But Santi is on his feet, hands in Tom’s shirt as he walks the man backwards a few steps and shoves him against the low railing on the patio. "I love you man, but I can’t have this shit. It’s too important. Go back to the hotel."

Tom deflates. "It’s just to help man. Just to help."

"I know," he pats Tom on the shoulder. "I know. But you’re gonna have to sit this one out." Santi watches the other man leave. "Go get her back," he tells Ben.

Will swipes the baggie from the table, raising an eyebrow in question and Santi nods. Will quickly turns and tosses it into the lake beyond.

She slid into Tom’s chair without so much as a twitch of her eyebrow that the other man is gone. "Are we trying again?"

Santi sits down to her left. "First tell me how you got my dog tags."

"And my hat," Frankie asks.

"Quick fingers," she says, "two distractions."

"Two?" Frankie asks and she winks at him.

"One. Two." She shrugs each shoulder, making her breasts jiggle with the motion. Frankie blushes and reaches up to cover his face with one hand, pretending to scratch his beard.

"Seriously," Santi grabs her attention again, "how’d you do it?"

She shrugs again, "People don’t watch for the things they should be watching for. You guys… you’re perceptive. Situationally aware. You could probably tell me every weapon within sixty feet of this table." She smiles, "You’ve noticed my hand on your arm, and you’ve noticed my foot against your ankle." He had, was enjoying the feel of her fingers against his skin and her toes rubbing along his sock. "But where is my other hand?"

Santi startles, looking down. Her other hand comes into his line of sight and he sees she’s holding a watch.

"Wait that’s-" Will splutters.

"Son of a bitch," he mutters and hears Ben laugh. He turns on Will, "What were you watching?"

She answers for him, "He’s been watching my mouth." Will coughs but doesn’t deny it. She grins at them both before leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms, waggling her fingers. "Figure out where someone wants their attention to go and you can make them concentrate on anything."

Santi bites his lip before he looks over at Benny. "You trust her?" Ben nods. "Then she’ll do."

"Oh goodie," she snarks, "a dream come true. So what’s the job?"

Santi lowers his voice as he outlines the next few days. She asks good questions and the five of them roughly map out their plans. When they finish, Santi leans back in his chair. "So, we’ll meet in the hotel lobby tomorrow morning, 0600?" Everyone around him nods except for Ben who just curses.

"Fucking hell Pope, you know I hate mornings."

Will rolls his eyes, smacking his brother in the arm, "How the hell did you get through Airborne with an attitude like that?"

"By being a damned good Ranger," Ben grouses back.

"And cheating on the written shit," Frankie mumbles into his beer. Ben shoots him a glower but Frankie just smiles to himself, ignoring the other man.

"Well, if you boys are done," Cat breaks in, "I have a date." For just a split second Santi thought she was looking at him, but he follows her gaze over his shoulder and sees a petite brunette wearing a leather mini-skirt and white tank top crooking a finger their way. Cat winks back at her and rises gracefully from the table, palms flat against it. He couldn’t help but notice her long fingers.

When she gets to the other woman she wraps a hand behind her neck, pulling the brunette into a kiss. Even in heels, the woman was a good three inches shorter than her. The brunette breaks the kiss and leans into her, whispering into her ear. Santi sees her eyebrow go up, a half smile, and then she was looking back at their table and those beautiful legs were coming their way.

"Ben?"

"Yes Cat?" the man answers with a raised eyebrow.

"Can you vouch for your friends?"

Benny doesn’t hesitate before answering, "With my life."

"That’s good to hear," she grins. "Frankie?"

The man’s head whips around. "Yeah?"

"Would you like to come with us?"

Frankie blinks and Santi almost felt sorry for the man. Almost.

"Wha-?"

"Teresa would like for you to come along. And I’m not opposed. So…?"

Frankie’s moment of confusion passes in a heartbeat and then he is shoving his chair back and scrambling to his feet. "Fuck yes."

She laughs, leading him back to the brunette who is grinning. The brunette wraps one arm around Frankie’s waist and the other around Cat’s as they leave. The three men left at the table watch them go in varying stages of disbelief.

"Lucky son of a bitch," Will mutters and Santi can’t help but nod.

"Some thief you found us Ben," Santi says into his beer as he leans back in his chair.

"She’s the best," Ben grins back. Part2

[holylulusworld]

This is me trying...

Summary: A break-up always leaves you with an open wound…

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: angst, language, heartbreak, break-up, sadness, written in Dean’s PoV, fluff

A/N: written for @herstarburststories​ ‘1541 Followers Celebration’. My song was Taylor Swift’s ‘This is me trying.’

Divider by @writeyourmindaway

Written in Dean’s PoV

I pull the Impala over to slam my hands onto the steering wheel of my Baby. I hate to hurt her, but I hurt my sweetheart even more and I can’t bring myself to not feel my heart clench whenever I think about that day.

I hurt the only woman I ever genuinely loved so deeply that I am afraid there is no coming back from this.

I hurt my love, my everything. – I hurt you.

Sam left for a hunt. He didn’t even ask if I want to join, knowing I’m in no condition to hunt, talk, or even pretend that I’m not a complete mess without my sweetheart.

I hate myself for hurting you. That’s just the way I am sometimes. I panic when someone gets too close to me. Loving you would put you in the line of fire. How could I live with being the reason for your death?

Instead of admitting my feelings like a normal man, I pushed you away. Was I ever a normal man? 

I never was a kid. I never was a teen. Hell, I never even got close to being normal but – you didn’t care. You didn’t tell me I’m a broken man. You didn’t tell me I am a man for one night – not the one you stay with.

You never told me I am not good enough. Cause, honestly – this is how I felt for my whole fucking life. 

All my failures weigh heavily on me. I couldn’t save my mom. I failed my brother more than once. I was a demon. A careless friend. A stubborn man who never wavered.

So many people died beside me that I believe I am a bad sign and will get you killed. That night, I wanted to kiss you so badly and tell you that there is only you but, I chickened out – once again.

I've been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout

Could've followed my fears all the way down

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway

I am only ten minutes away from your new home. The one you had to move to after I shattered your heart into pieces. That night, I told you that you are nothing but a liability, but truth is – I am the one who depends on you. Maybe I am finally strong enough to admit you own my heart, body, and soul…

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

Sam said I should’ve called you that night but me being me I refused to listen. I drowned my misery in Whiskey instead of being a man and tell you that you made my heart swell anytime you smiled at me.

I came here today to lay my heart into your hands but now, I’m about to drive back toward the bunker.

Fear, that’s something I barely feel since my time in hell, Purgatory, and the way my father raised me. At least that’s what I like to tell myself. But with you, it’s different. Anytime I got too close, I feared you would reject me.

Today is the day I want to admit my feelings but now I am afraid, shake in fear that it’s too late to win your heart. “Dammit, Dean,” I slam my hands onto the steering wheel starting the engine to drive toward the next best bar but then I remember Sam’s words.

‘Dean, if you don’t want to be miserable for the rest of your life try to talk to Y/N. She loved you and if you are lucky enough, she still loves you. Stop hiding your feelings and to hurt people with rejection. Let someone in, even if it’s not me, Dean. I can’t heal your heart…only Y/N can do so…’

I kill the engine once again. My brain fights my aching heart. 'Fight or flight, Dean,' I laugh to myself as I remember the last thing you said to me before you ran out of the bunker, toward a new life without me. 'Sometimes you need to jump and not look if you will land safely,' I push the fear back down into the pit of my stomach before I start the engine.

They told me all of my cages were mental

So I got wasted like all my potential

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad

I have a lot of regrets about that

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here

Pourin' out my heart to a stranger

But I didn't pour the whiskey

Fuck, my hands shake when I stand in front of your house. I got no clue what to tell you. I don’t even know if I will be able to face you after I let you go over a year ago.

I knock nonetheless…

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

At least I'm trying

I wait for a heartbeat, and another until the door opens and a tall guy looks at me. My heart drops; joins my fear in the pit of my stomach. “Hi, I uh-sorry,” I stammer, and the guy furrows his brows. “I wanted to see Y/N.”

“Y/N,“ the guy hums, eying me warily. I know that I needed too long when you walk toward the guy to look up at him, smiling. 

“I should go,” I run. Fuck, I don’t think I ever ran that fast in my life. Not even on a hunt. My broken heart keeps me going as I can’t see you happy with another man. 

“Dean, fuck,” you call my name, but I keep on running toward my car, toward my safe haven. “Winchester, my legs are shorter.”

I stop in my tracks. I take a deep breath. I swallow the heartbreak to turn around and face you.

“Hi, uh-I, I don’t…I’m sorry,”

You watch me for a while, hands on your hips. “I came here to apologize and tell you that I love you,” I mumble the words. A single tear escapes my eye and I hate you see me so weak.

John, my father drilled me to become a soldier. Cold. Emotionless. Deadly. But deep down inside, I’m a vulnerable man wanting someone to love him. Realizing I lost my only chance devastates me.

“I thought a lot about you lately,” I choke out, finally meeting your gaze. “Jody invited us and we talked about hunts and being on the road. We talked about family and all I could think about was you and how much I miss and love you…”

And it's hard to be at a party

When I feel like an open wound

It's hard to be anywhere these days

When all I want is you

You're a flashback in a film reel

On the one screen in my town

“About damn time, Winchester,” I huff when you do something I never expected. You jump into my arms, wrap your arms around my neck and your legs around my waist before you steal the first kiss we ever shared. “Only took you a fucking year,” you press your lips back to mine, devour my mouth and I must admit, you are a hell of a kisser.

“Sweetheart,” I try to speak but you slip your tongue into my mouth whilst the guy who opened the door clears his throat.

“I assume this means I can give your room to my boyfriend?” the guy snickers before he awkwardly turns to walk back toward the house you shared.

“Now, where is Sam? How is Castiel?” I want to answer all your questions but I am too busy to press you to my chest. I sniffle, even shed more tears as you rest your head against my shoulder. “If you ever hurt me again, I will never forgive you. Tell me what you want…”

“You,” I choke out, looking at you in my arms. “Only you, Y/N,” my lips press against yours and I melt against your lips. “Only you, sweetheart.”

And I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying (maybe I don't quite know what to say)

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

At least I'm trying

Tags in reblog

[daydream-hobii]

Hybrid Heart Attack | Chapter 16

Genre: Poly!AU; Hybrid!AU; Fluff; Angst

Pairing: BTS x Female!Reader; Human!Seokjin x Human!Reader; Eventual relationship with Snow Leopard!Yoongi, Red Panda!Hoseok, Koala!Namjoon, Calico Cat!Jimin, Husky!Taehyung, Doberman!Jungkook

Summary: Y/n finds her current fiance during college, his name is Seokjin. They fell in love and dated for three years before he proposed. Now, Seokjin is a lawyer for hybrids, and Y/n, well, she has the perfect stay at home job. When Seokjin invites her to move in, she wasn’t expecting that he has six hybrids. She doesn’t know why a hybrid lawyer wouldn’t have hybrids, she just didn’t think about it…. Y/n is petrified of hybrids, something happened to her when she was little…. Guess she’ll have to adapt… or leave.

Warning: Mentions of Animal Attacks, Abuse (Physical & Mental), Depression, Anxiety; Possible PTSD mentions; Suggestions of Smut; Read with caution. <3 This one in particular has Mentions of Violence, Attacks, Etc. Slightly Graphic. Read with Caution. <3

Word Count: 1,281

// Previous // Next //

Author’s Note: Welcome to Chapter 16! Okay! So, halfway through, it will switch to Seokjin’s POV! I was gonna make it Chapter 16.5, like I did in Shelter of Hope, but this chapter would’ve been too short! I hope you all enjoy it!! ^_^

       I went straight to the park, it wasn’t too far from our house. Well, was it really my house anymore? Seokjin pushed the last button, how could I go back to a man who did such a thing? I couldn’t! I wouldn’t.

       But… there was still my love, so strong. My heart felt broken, like it was all a lie. My Seokjin wouldn’t do this, he wouldn’t say that… but he did…. Was the engagement really a mistake…? He’s been so patient with me since I moved in. Patient with me warming up to the hybrids, patient with me needing him… why now? Why would he be so obsessed with Sooyoung when I’m right here? Am I not good enough?

       I shivered, the cold night making me wrap my arms around myself. I felt numb, my heart heavy in my chest. Salty tears rolled down my cheeks. My heart was literally broken… Seokjin was my soulmate, my everything….

       I heard a rustling not too far off, making me jump and look towards the bushes. I huffed, glaring at the noise and crossing my arms.

       “Boys, go home, I want to be alone,” I warned.

       My heart sank as four hybrids emerged from the bushes, but they weren’t mine…. They all looked threatening, making me go wide eyed. One smirked, walking closer to me as I stepped back. In my rush out the door, I forgot it was late at night and I should bring a weapon, so I was completely vulnerable.

       “Think we were someone else?” One asked, flashing a toothy smile. 

       “Yes,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “I’m sorry for the intrusion.” I turned around, about to walk back towards home, but another stepped in front of me.

       “What’s the rush?” She asked, smirking. There were three men and one woman. My heart began to beat fast, old fears resurfacing.

       “I need to get back home,” I replied, trying to step around her, but she shoved me, making me fall to the ground in horror.

       “You aren’t going anywhere,” Another man said, making me gulp.

       “See, you don’t know us, but you may know our owner,” One said with a smirk. “Met at a grocery store not too long ago. Your fiance knows him a bit better than you, though.” I went wide eyed, my mind flashing back to that day months ago.

       “You’re the lawyer's wife,” A man growled out, making me pale slightly. “The one who took away my hybrids!”

       I gulped once more, remembering what Seokjin told me about the case. He was taking away his hybrids because he used them for cage fighting. These must be that man's hybrids….

       “You see, we like our owner, we like to fight, so you could imagine our disappointment when another man came to take us,” He said, bending down to my height. He pushed a piece of hair behind my ear, making me shiver in fear. “So, we decided we need to make him pay for it.”

       “What better way than to take it out on his fiance,” The woman growled, making me wide eyed.

       I tried to stand, I tried to get away, but the one who seemed to lead this pack bit my arm, making me shout in pain. I felt fists hit my body, feet hit my stomach. There would be an occasional bite, and it would seep through my skin. I curled up, trying to protect my body, my face, keep them from hurting me further, but to no avail. Memories from when I was younger came flooding back, and for a second I thought I was there.

       One of the hybrids grabbed my chin, making me look up as he growled. I felt woozy, they had made so many wounds that I lost some blood. This hybrid seemed to open his mouth, going in for my jugular. This was it, this was the end… but he dropped me. My vision was blurry, but I could’ve sworn I saw four more people join us, hybrids. I wanted to shout, to ask them for help, but one of the hybrids attacking me kicked me in the face, making me lose consciousness.

Seokjin’s POV

       My anger was so strong, but hurt filled my body as well. Why would she do this…? It’s never been like this before…. Back in college, we were apart for weeks at a time and there was never a problem…. I felt so hurt, but at the same time, I understood what she was saying. I had been away from her for a long time, and I hadn’t seen her for a while, and we live together.

       I pulled up to Sooyoung’s house, turning off the car and sighing. I got out, walking to her door and knocking, tears rolling down my cheeks. When she opened it, her smile disappeared. She pulled me into a hug, her hand twisting through my hair as her other rubbed my back.

       “Jinnie, what’s wrong?” She asked, grabbing my hand and taking me to her living room where we sat.

       “Y/n and I got into a pretty bad fight,” I mumbled. She looked surprised, but I noticed a glint in her eyes.

       “About what?” She asked.

       “You,” I replied, sniffing and rubbing my face.

       “Oh, honey, I’m so terribly sorry,” She replied, hugging me. “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be…?”

       “But it was,” I replied, pulling away. “She’s always been so funny and outgoing, except when she gets shy and blushes. She’ll wrinkle her nose when she gets annoyed, but it’s all fun. She’s so beautiful and…” Something in my mind clicked, making my heart sink further. “Oh my god… what have I done…?”

       “Jinnie, please,” Sooyoung asked, making me look at her. “Maybe this is fate! Maybe we’re supposed to get back together. I miss you so much, I just want you and the boys back.” My eyes widened when she leaned in, making me stand as she opened her eyes, looking hurt. 

       “Oh my god…. Sooyoung, you’re the one who broke up with me. You moved away, for your work, I wanted to try long distance, you didn’t,” I said, my brain creating memories and realizations at rapid speed.

       “Jinnie, come on,” Sooyoung begged, standing. “She’s not the right one for you.”

       “You got into my head,” I said, wide eyed. “Oh my god, Sooyoung, what did you make me do?! I was hanging out with you because I missed you! We were best friends before we were dating!” I paused, stepping back in horror. “Was this your plan…? You don’t know what’s right for me! I haven’t seen you in years!” I yelled.

       “Jinnie,” Sooyoung started, but I cut her off.

       “Don’t call me that!” I screamed, walking towards the door. “I have to go find Y/n. You stay away from me and my family from now on. I don’t want to see your face ever again.” I slammed the door, letting out a heavy sigh. I had to find her, I had to apologize. I knew I was going to have to beg to get her back…. God, I’m such an idiot…. 

       I ran to my car, getting in and opening my phone. I had missed text messages from all the boys, they must be looking for me. Just as I opened the phone app to call Y/n, my phone began to ring with a mysterious phone number. I squinted my eyes, thinking maybe it was for work. I answered it, listening to a new voice on the phone. My heart sank, eyes widening and tears dropping.

       “What…?” I whispered, heart breaking. “I’m on my way.”

[helion-ism]

sooooo

my dear friend Gabi @nephellesphilosophy finished acosf today and as you do, the first thing we did after crying about it, we started talking about taylor swift’s ability to write songs about your favourite ships before you even know the characters — and here are my faves (also if anyone feels inspired by this and wants to write something about them based on these songs, make sure to tag me cause I wouldn’t wanna miss it 😁)

elucien

afterglow

hey, it’s all me in my head, I’m the one who burned us down, but it’s not what I meant, sorry that I hurt you; I don’t wanna do, I don’t wanna do this to you, I don’t wanna lose, I don’t wanna lose this with you

stop, this actually breaks my heart because lucien has been trying so hard and he‘s been so respectful and I can’t wait to get more of his povs but I can’t even imagine how disappointed and sad he still feels, even cassian notices in acosf, so yeah in my ideal silly little world elain eventually ✨ realises things ✨ 

I need to say, hey, it’s all me, just don’t go, meet me in the afterglow

tell me that you’re still mine, tell me that we’ll be just fine even when I lose my mind, I need to say, tell me that it’s not my fault, tell me that I’m all you want even when I break your heart

yeah, no explanation needed. I just want her to get to know him, really. 

daylight — and this one is obvious but yeah the moment I remembered this song exists I nearly lost my mind over the parallelism  

I once believed love would be black and white, but it’s golden / I once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden like daylight

throwback to human elain and young girl/teenage expectations of love? (we’ve all been there)

we know elain was in love with gr*sen and even decided to sleep with him before their wedding because of how strongly she felt for him, at least that would explain how she‘d get lost in the passion (burning red and all that) but I hope that one day she realises she was maybe meant for more

I don’t wanna look at anything else now that I saw you (I can never look away), I don’t wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you (things will never be the same), I’ve been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night, but now I see daylight, I only see daylight

you gotta step into the daylight and let it go

you really can’t deny that this is them or has the potential to represent that relationship especially considering the power and pull of the mating bond (I CAN NEVER LOOK AWAY). and how they would both flourish in the day court once we can move on from all the wars and the drama (little reminder that cassian’s thoughts are “no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court“ goodbye 🤸‍♀️)

also this is just me hoping for some serious growth and more focus on her powers + abilities

nessian

this is me trying — this one is primarily a nesta song and hits different once you think about it all

they told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential, and my words shoot to kill when I’m mad, I have a lot of regrets about that

yeah I think we all know 😭 I’m still a wreck from chapter 50, and this is also referencing the time before the training with cassian started and how she dealt with her trauma then

and it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound, it’s hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you

THIS IS LITERALLY NESTA’S CONFESSION??? HELLO?

long story short — post acosf reflection

and I fell from the pedestal, right down the rabbit hole, long story short, it was a bad time; pushed from the precipice, clung to the nearest lips, long story short, it was the wrong guy

yeah…… yeah we know

when I dropped my sword, I threw it in the bushes and I knocked on your door, now we live in peace, but if someone comes at us, this time I’m ready 

NO CAUSE — I’m well aware nesta’s journey isn’t over in any way, but doesn’t acosf seem like some kind of first very huge goal? she’s climbed the mountain in all possible ways and now she can drop her sword because she doesn’t need to fight because she’s started accepting herself  — and then:

no more keeping score, now I just keep you warm, no more tug of war, now I just know there’s more

no more keeping score, now I just keep you warm and my waves meet your shore ever and evermore

because he’s there to hold her and pick her up, god I’m a wreck

I just think these songs describe their dynamics soooo well and I’m sure there’s like a ton of other songs that fit just as well, but there are my favourites so far 🥺

bonus — gwynriel

delicate mainly because of the chorus

is it cool that I said all that? is it chill that you’re in my head? cause I know that it’s delicate

&

sometimes I wonder when you sleep, are you ever dreaming of me? sometimes when I look into your eyes, I pretend you’re mine, all the damn time

I feel like the word delicate does not only basically characterise their current relationship but also my mental state after doing all this

goddammit taylor