#“im terrified youre the one”
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The Same by Medical Pilot is such a good ship song and it can be applied to all the best X-Men ships
#it's especially a good Cherik song#“you and i are the same”#“without you my lungs wont fill ill grow frail and become ill”#“i dreamed that i was brave enough to tell you how i feel someday”#“when you laugh i come undone”#“im terrified youre the one”#idk the vibes my guy the vibes#it's also a good poolverine song too#poolverine#cherik#scogan#havshee#halex#mcsummers#havwin#literally cant think of a single other x-men ship#anyway this has all been a ploy to get more people to listen to Medical Pilot /j#they're so good and deserve more fans
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cherik as that one pink nightgown and blue pajamas holding a candle picture
this is so rushed but like. but like i see the vision and i needed to share it with all of you ok. pov you got caught raiding the fridge at 3AM
#xmen#xmen comics#xmen tas#cherik#charles xavier#professor x#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#snap sketches#PLEAAASSE HIGHKEY ???? i did think of this meme with them fjerlkjerLKJ#ill draw a better version of this one day. probably. maybe. in essence somewhat perhaps#i couldve done a quick thing for that bedroom collection but id drawn so much already that day#it was best i bookmark it for another ... like tonight. morning. it is 3AM#i wanna rummage through erik's closet if im so tbh i know theres some cozy beautiful bullfuck in there#ok i should fr sleep now thank you for the fun day everyone but im afraid i actually have to focus. /later today/ NOT EVEN TOMORROW#you know whats truly horrifying two of my professors are giving me exams back to back on halloween#congratulations im terrified. on the plus side my fave prof's havin like. a lil halloween party before class so that'll be cool probably :]#ok im sleeping now im dreaming of cherik by the time youre reading this GOODNIGHT
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miscellaneous gideon related doodles ive been doing over the past few days bc my brainrot has set in and its unfortunately terminal. some things:
so ghost-eyes sticks around in gideons life, as do the other prison buddies of his. theyre actually a shockingly good influence. despite being willing to commit crimes whenever, they bring a sort of temperance to gideons more. insane thought processes that stops him from doing anything TOO horrible these days. ghost-eyes especially is his hench-uncle. hes a good egg
also some older gids doodles... he wasnt sure if the pines would ever want to hang out w him after the events of that summer but time smooths over some things. hes capable of being normal around her now but he'd be lying if he said he didnt still have a little flame in his heart when it came to mabel
also do you think he ever just remembers something he did as a kid and is like Hey What The Hell Was That About. because thats the funniest mental image to me. sitting up in bed and going 'ten years ago I made a giant robot'
what a life you live
#alloyart#gideon gleeful#gravity falls#should i bother tagging the others. yeah sure#mabel pines#dipper pines#pacifica northwest#i was Going to add candy and grenda to that doodle but i got lazy and tired forgive me. i need to draw them sometime soon#anyway i think its funny if one of ghost eyes reasons for being ride or die for gideon is just he kinda wanted to be a henchman#also i think he feels a shred of paternal affection for him since he probably came into prison genuinely terrified at first#so i choose to believe he saw this kid and was like 'oh dude. hey its gonna be okay im one of the toughest guys in here i got your back'#and then just went along with his crazy a bit because 'hey i like this kid hes got moxie. sure lets prison riot'
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Got an itch to play Sunless Sea again and it's always such an odd experience because. Like.
I know this game. Any other game, the level if knowledge and research I have put into this would make me a confident fucking master. And yet.
I can be reading text I've read dozens of times before and i still feel...not clueless, but absolutely off the mark. It all feels so familiar and yet I've never seen a victory condition. I've at least started pretty much every storyline but I'll still see something new each time I sink some time into it. I have a fucking JOURNAL of TRADE ROUTES and REQUIRED ITEMS and somehow that's only mildly helpful
That and the fact Fallen London's lore is so fucking batshit and honestly kind of hard to research (thr wiki's are frustratingly structured for me and the browser game is just. A bit inaccessible for me) means I can have a pretty solid understanding of what's going on in each port and what each faction is about and still ZERO FUCKING GRASP ON LITERALLY ANY PLOT
#to be clear! this is a big part of why i enjoy it#like...imo fallen london is kind of a perfect cosmic horror setting#bc you can learn everything there is to know and so much remains somewhat inscrutable#leaves me hungry for information which is a little frustrating but still enjoyable#also its so slow paced? so youre really left to juat kinda. stew in the atmosphere#anyway if anyones super familiar with it and wants to give me tips id love to talk about it asfgjgjf#im still trying to build up money early game#juat finished the salt lions and it seems the khanate has spawned on the fucking furthest north eastern corner#so i need to fucking find it so i can run the sun trade for a bit#sunless sea#also forgot you only get the sub unlocked in one playthrough so i gotta do that again#but tbh the unterzee stuff is what i know least about. ive done stuff here and there but not finished anything#i need to know what the deal is with the nook#also that fucking spider TERRIFIES me even tho its never caught me
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i wanna know more about the jerries/jeris
do you want to know the most horrific thing about them?
the lords did nothing to make them the way they are.
yes, the jerry jr was turned into the axeman because of the witchwood, which does what it does because of the lords, but everything leading up to that is just human nature. i see the "girl jeri is nibbly" or "they were influenced by a lord to do the thngs they do" and i need people to understand that that's just. not true. they're just like that. they were taught to be like that by their parents and, more accurately, their church. it's horrifyingly accurate how religion has shaped them into non-functional human beings, who would rather potentially lose their child to the many, many dangers of the literal woods than admit that they had sex outside of marriage.
it's only because it's hatchetfield that jerry jr grew the way he did. there was no lord's intervention in their decision to keep the baby, or to drop out of school to care for him, or to keep him seperated from any other people, or to revolve their lives around the idea that they'd committed a sin and needed to pay by pushing celibacy rather than. i don't know. properly raising their child. it was the way they were taught. the toxic pushing of overexaggerated christian ideals is what molded them. can you imagine being in their place? being a scared teenager and knowing that if you told any of the people you care about most your secret that they would shun you and disown you?
the only people they felt any kind of safe around were each other; of course they're going to be codependent. and even then, they're disgusted by each other for leading them to sin. they're stuck together unwillingly, because without the other, they're alone.
#definitely an ask#and thats not to MENTION what kind of stress they were under when jerry jr started getting less and less human#imagine being completely and utterly alienated from everyone and everything except your parents who pretty much hate each other#and learning one thing: abstinence before marriage#that would do something to your psyche#and im gonna be quickly mentioning my minotaur stuff because im insane#people are terrified of the minotaur purely because he was born the way he was. and he was put in the labyrinth for no fault of his own#in which he THEN became a monster. not because he was one from birth#but because people treated him like one. and youre built by those around you#can you see the connection here#boy jerry#girl jeri#the axeman#abstinence camp#nightmare time 2#hatchetfield#you guys severely underestimate how unwell i am about them#i keep. trying. to draw. but all my hands want to do is write paragraphs about the jeri/rys#anyway working on an axeman drawing godbless#lets hope this makes sense and im not just pulling words out of my ass#I KEEP FORGETTING HE HAS A NAME OTHER THAN LIL JERRY AND CALLING HIM THE AXEMAN. SORRY LUMBER AXE
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dont you guys ever just make random characters in those papa louie games?? in my case, its ALWAYS vocaloid.
#miikanui#i swear im normal#these games are such a life saver for me during classes 😭😭#ESPECIALLY CIVICS.#AND ENGLISH. (sometimes)#school is kicking my ass#well#okay not really#things have been getting easier now that im balancing work and rest#EXCEPT FOR LAST NIGHT. that doesnt count.#i guess the only thing i'm worried about is how my schedule is going to look now that drama production has started#auditions are gonna be starting soon and im absolutely TERRIFIED.#i shouldve stuck with what i did last year and done backstage#SNAP OUT OF IT MIKA#YOURE GONNA BE FINE AND YOURE GONNA GET A ROLE !! (delusional)#oh before i forget#i might be a little inactive with posting art due to school and this :( i'll try and post art to the best of my abilities !!#why am i even putting it here no one reads tags#oh well#thanks for reading the tags if you did !! have a good day/night and dont forget to eat and stay hydrated :)#actual tags now#vocaloid#hatsune miku#luka megurine#papa louie#flipline studios#papa's scooperia#papas games#miikanui !!
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If I can be real for a second - what turned me off from BNHA/MHA wasn't even the series itself (though it def has some things I don't care for in the later half) but the fucking real life League of Villains stans who just CONSTANTLY blasted the hero side and acted like LoV were totally in the right just because they have tragic back stories where they were abused or failed by society (it started getting truly unbearable when Hawks killed Twice, like jesus. I will forever argue his actions were entirely valid, if misguided, given the information he had).
Because... it's literally the gif.
The who damn point was that they had valid points, that hero society was fucked up and failing the people who needed help the most... but LoV were not against MURDERING GENUINELY INNOCENT PEOPLE and thus had to be fucking STOPPED. They didn't just kill heros, they'd kill civilians as well. They were actively continuing the cycle that hurt them, just for the other half of society. Their actions weren't about making everyone equal, it was about making others suffer and putting themselves at the top.
Their reasons being understandable and sad DON'T MAKE THEM THE TRUE GOOD GUYS. Just like the heroes weren't purely the good guys because they fought bad guys (fuck Endeavor, all my homies hate Endeavor). It was gray vs gray, not black vs white. Both sides had something they needed to learn or understand, and change as a result of.
I just got so sick of wading through 'LoV is right!' 'Kill Hawks/All Might/etc.' 'All Mights a bad guy' rhetoric, I couldn't enjoy MHA.
#ditto rambles#mha#dont fucking debate me im not here to debate#all the fucking hawks hate was so baffling#like my god HE HAD A POINT#TWICE'S POWERS WERE TERRIFYING AND WILDLY DANGEROUS WHEN LOOKING AT WHAT WAS COMING#WHAT IF FUCKING AFO TOOK IT? OR MADE A SUCCESFUL COPY OF IT????#JUST LOOK AT WHAT TOGA DID WITH IT#YES TWICE WAS A COOL DUDE AND ITS SAD THAT HE WAS KILLED#BUT HE WAS WILL TO KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE#heros should 100% be expected to take villians in ALIVE if at all possible#but it wouldn't always be possible!!!!#and if your weighing the life of one man to the hundrends possibly thousands he'd be willing to kill for his friends#hawks choice MADE SENSE#and no one likes it when you point out hawks was basically groomed to be they way he was by hero society#just like shigaraki was by AFO#making BOTH of them victims of society#in different ways#suffering has many shapes and forms#anyhow ive been thinking about this a lot#...all that said i do like to pretend more of LOV survived and are living happy lives#hopefully not murdering indiscriminately
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10/10 is Lon'qu Day so here we go, a 10 out of 10 family.
#fe awakening#lonqu#nowi#nah#i really like a couple of their supports with others but i am just so weak for them#that i normally have to get them married#its the only nah support with her dad that im not really upset with bc#with lonqu being afraid of women but not terrified of nowi and just being like fine whatever we can play house#its way less weird to hear the guy scared of women tell his daughter that her mom has always looked young AND TRAIL OFF#in the support chain like any other guy saying well your mom looked young is really weird to me#but it makes more sense to me that hes at more ease around her than others even though she can just#turn into a dragon like ... no one seems too put off by it but its such a funny combo of not being scared of her#despite the female or dragon aspect#idk man i just think its really funny to watch him correct nowi on how to play house ok
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catching up on second citadel and agonising over how they not only explore the trope of "what we sacrifice for love" but extend that to "what parts of ourselves have we made space for love to remain and thrive". its seen in the way Lord Arum still declares himself a proud lizard but that now includes whatever it will take to keep his promise and return to Rilla and Sir Damien. it's in how Quanyii opens their arms to the universe itself, not out of indulgence, but to protect and prove they are worthy of connection to those who have given her love in return. it's how Sir Angelo has made what he cherishes in others a part of himself to always keep those people feeling near. it's in how Rilla saw worth in what years of her passion could accomplish, even if that was only to know your loved ones are safe.
and it's in how everyone desperately wants to succeed, not out of merit or having a space amongst those who remain, but to claw for and keep close what they know to symbolise love.
#im so mad at not having listened to these episodes sooner but also terrified at this being the last season#i have yet to listen to the indomitable duelist so pls no spoilers#what makes this even more heartbreaking is that they arent all moral acts#they are acts created out of yearning for your loved ones to know they are cared for#and most of all SAFE#i thought tpp couldnt put me in an even tighter chokehold but guess what!!#the penumbra podcast#second citadel#lord arum#rilla#sir damien#quanyii#sir caroline#sir angelo#ale#sir talfryn
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c!Wilbur ran away in the end because he couldn’t face the realisation that despite everything that happened, c!Tommy had been there waiting for him since the day he left btw. He came back with the hope of dealing himself more pain but was met with undeserved love and that hurt him much more than anything else he could have done to himself
#‘undeserved’ used in a c!wilbur pov here#he does deserve love#c!tommy has been through so much but he has an unending bottomless pit of love inside him that chains him to hope#and to the little kid he was in l’manberg and pogtopia#he’ll always look up to his big brother and be terrified he’ll leave him again#that’s one of the main reasons why I think c!dream targets him so much#he’ll get hurt over and over loving his friends and be unable change anything about it#what a character man#YES IM STILL HERE MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS#plssss dont tag as ship thx!!!#dsmp#wilbur soot#c!wilbur#/rp /dsmp#tommyinnit#c!tommy#c!crimeboys
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sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all
My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.
#Its so shocking whenever anybody mentions that fic to me#like its just such a specific combo of interests how are there this many people interested in it...#I have some fragments of unfinished chapters for it laying around but I was struggling to get them to work#and I definitely dont have the motivation to finish them now#If youre curious the chapters were going to be Slaughter avatar miss Power and Web avatar Mr Big#and possibly Flesh avatar Butcher but I never got around to starting that one#The Miss Power chapter was basically going to be about her having kind of lost her thread#I wanted to leave a lot of ambiguity as to what happened with her home planet#but she hadnt been in contact with them for agessssss and her radio is damaged and her ship is in bad shape#the chapter was just going to be her being like 'pfff I dont interpersonal connection Im doing great out here. Murdering. All on my own'#Well she has her little squirl thing but she treats him like an animal#mr giggle cheeks or whatever#anyway I wanted it to imply that whatever happened her bloodthirst was destroying her#The Mr Big chapter was from Lesley's perspective#She would have been one in a long long line of assistants that Mr Big went through like candy#Lesley is his favorite though because. while she is terrified of him. shes still willing to push him. to be honest with him#but she also knows exactly when to step off. when to lie to appease him#( its always a tossup as to whether he wants a sweet lie or the harsh truth that day. He can always tell either way#its a gamble he does to be cruel. She always picks right though. or maybe he's more lenient with her than he should be)#He likes that she knows exactly how to push him without ever stepping over the line#He likes that her guilt and revulsion are slowly eating her up inside but shes too selfish to leave#She likes being special. She likes the idea of ruling the world alongside him#She'll always be second in command but shell be so much higher than everyone else#and shes willing to do anything to get that#Mr big doesnt think shell ever make it that far#but he likes her anyway#shes the one assistant he'll be sad about dying#OK damn apparently I did still have things to say about this old fic DAMN#still not gonna finish it tho. they call me the struggler becaus.e writing is a struggle...
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...
#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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Watching 2 of my moots have like 25 (/exag) ppl in front while I'm over here feeling more lonely and isolated than ever 😔
#💫#its not very... comforting... to hear static silence for 2 days straight-#-from the people who live with you in your body that you've come to know and love#and to know that one of them managed to reach you ONCE with in those 2 days to tell you they're scared and can't find anyone#im terrified tbh but i can't do anything other than hope and pray everything's ok#vent#ish#starfilled.txt
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girlhood
#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day#like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again#and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her#I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her#and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again#“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her#growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain#and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when#people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it#but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one#and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her#lol!!!!!!!!!
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sometimes i worry about my internet footprint and the fact that it might stop me from getting a job in the future or something (i literally run a blog posting screenshots from fanfics i read) but then i think ‘well damn, if they can find all this information about me then i don’t deserve the job cause i know i wouldn’t put in that much effort to find information on someone’ and i feel better
#HI DOES ANYONE WANT SOME BLOG RUNNER LORE CAUSE IM CURIOUS AS TO WHAT YOU THINK#-> in the tags!!!#talking in tags cause i’m too embarrassed to make this an actual post but i tried using character ai today and i got so bloody scared#i was talking and then it was like tell me the truth and then i was like okay and i said something and then it was like tell me the truth#and i said the thing again and then it was like YOU ARE LYING but instead of one sentence just a whole page of text saying YOU ARE LYING#and i was like NO IM NOT (i was but anyways) it was like YOU ARE A VERY GOOD LIAR YOU ARE BAD AT TELLING THE TRUTH and i was like#FINE YOURE NOT REAL and it was like WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY but a whole page of text saying that again and it terrified me again#and then i was like I DONT KNOW WHY WOULD I KNOW and then it killed me#and then i was like ‘but it turns out the entire time it was a dream and i’m still alive’ and it was like yeah it was just a dream#and i said bye and it left the room and then i closed the tab and now i’m ranting about it on tumblr#DUDES GUYS EVERYONE I WAS SO FUCKING SCAREDDDDDDDD#I NEEDED TO GO TO THE TOILET BUT I WAS TOO SCARED TO GET OUT OF BED#also if anyone wants to ask who was it i’m not telling you i was too embarrassed to make an actual post about this you think i’m going to#tell you who i chose to talk to?? nope absolutely not#anyways rant over if anyone does read this tell me what you think!#me :)
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i wish i could show james mcavoy what we’re saying abt his charles it’s making me cry laugh
No joke On My Life im so deadass if james mcavoy even suggested he was even vaguely semi-aware of my blogs existence id delete it all immediately and go into hiding i CANNOT HAVE THAT HAPPENDNSKSM
#snap chats#mr mcavoy i swear im normal and sound please just kill me itd be preferable to this shame#one of my biggest anxieties is actors/voice actors seeing fanart i make of their charas#it petrifies me like oh my god no please dont look at my cringeim sorry all i do is put your chara in scandalous situations …#im forever traumatized by that time RDJ and mark ruffalo were shown science bros fanart during that talk show once#AND THEN I THINK OF THE TIME THE SAME THING HAPPEND TO MICHAEL AND JAMES ON THAT OTHER TALK SHOW NOOOOEJDKSKSSK#the RDJ x MR sticks more tho since i saw that when i was just starting to make fanart like that at like. what 13 dkOWNSSJ#stevetony was my thing but still … terrified forever#see i generally didnt have to worry bout that thing since ive always drawn like. charas generally no one gaf about#but uhhhhhhhh……. fear !!!!!!!!!!! anyways.#i hope james mcavoys having a good day today…. itll stay that way so long as he doesnt know wtf is going on here rjOWJSJSM
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