#imagine being completely and utterly alienated from everyone and everything except your parents who pretty much hate each other

[itsdefinitely]

i wanna know more about the jerries/jeris

do you want to know the most horrific thing about them?

the lords did nothing to make them the way they are.

yes, the jerry jr was turned into the axeman because of the witchwood, which does what it does because of the lords, but everything leading up to that is just human nature. i see the "girl jeri is nibbly" or "they were influenced by a lord to do the thngs they do" and i need people to understand that that's just. not true. they're just like that. they were taught to be like that by their parents and, more accurately, their church. it's horrifyingly accurate how religion has shaped them into non-functional human beings, who would rather potentially lose their child to the many, many dangers of the literal woods than admit that they had sex outside of marriage.

it's only because it's hatchetfield that jerry jr grew the way he did. there was no lord's intervention in their decision to keep the baby, or to drop out of school to care for him, or to keep him seperated from any other people, or to revolve their lives around the idea that they'd committed a sin and needed to pay by pushing celibacy rather than. i don't know. properly raising their child. it was the way they were taught. the toxic pushing of overexaggerated christian ideals is what molded them. can you imagine being in their place? being a scared teenager and knowing that if you told any of the people you care about most your secret that they would shun you and disown you?

the only people they felt any kind of safe around were each other; of course they're going to be codependent. and even then, they're disgusted by each other for leading them to sin. they're stuck together unwillingly, because without the other, they're alone.

[avaquet]

Rydaal: Shedding Our Skin

Day 3 prompts! Late night rendezvous! This story is for MERweek, and takes place pre-relationship. :3

WARNING: Mentions of abuse!

I paced the Tempest, and I thought everyone was asleep, or piloting. We were headed back to Aya to reunite the Moshae with the angara. I jumped out of my skin when Jaal suddenly came out of his room. He shared the same response.

“I thought you were asleep.” We both said. Not in sync.

“I can’t.” I replied. “Been walking the ship for the past hour.”

“I was busy sending a report to Evfra. Came out to get a drink.” He cleared his throat. “Care to join?”

I shrugged. “Sure. I don’t have anything else to do anyways.” We walked together down to the kitchen.

He sat down next to me with his water. “I uh… I wanted to ask you a question, if you don’t mind.”

I chuckled. “I’m surprised your holding back.”

“Yes well, I also have to ask Evfra this, but I wanted your opinion on it first.”

“Ah, well, I’m listening.”

He smiled widely as he spoke. “I’ve come to enjoy being on the ship, with you and the crew. I was wondering if I may stay.”

“You don’t want to go back? Even...even after what you saw?”

“I want to stay. I feel important here, and we got many things accomplished. I feel like I’m not waiting on something to happen when I’m here. Also, the crew seems to enjoy my presence.”

I chuckled. “That they do, Jaal. I-the crew would love to see you stay, and you’re a kickass fighter. As long as it’s okay with Evfra, then we’d love to have you here.”

“What about you?” He took a drink.

“What about me?” I raised a brow.

“I want to know what you think about me staying. You are the one in charge.”

I scoffed, “Hardly.”

“Then let me rephrase. I care about what you think.” Jaal clarified.

That phrase oddly took me by surprise. I knew he was open about pretty much everything, but maybe it’s because I haven’t really heard that being said to me. I cleared my throat. “Um, well, yes. I really enjoy your presence here.” I smiled gently. “You’ve been a good friend to me so far, despite me being completely alien to you.”

“It nice to see that we can prove the bigots wrong. And myself.”

“What do you mean?”

He chuckled. “Ah, when I first met you, I wished they would’ve killed you. In truth, I was afraid we would have more opposition. I had only heard of what happened on Kadara, but I’ve never seen the Initiative species.”

“I’m surprised you volunteered to go with me then.”

“I’m not. Mainly because I noticed something that was extremely different in you, than the kett. And I wanted to see for myself if I could be hopeful.” He smiled.

“What was the difference? Other than we’re obviously better looking.” I joked.

“The way you showed your emotions. Kett have but one, dominance. They came confidently and asked for peace. Never said sorry, never seemed afraid. But you,” I scoffed and held back any more laughter as I remembered how I acted. “You were so afraid. You apologized for the way you landed. I...felt bad. Just a bit, I wasn’t sure if it was just an act. Then you pleaded Evfra for help.”

“So, you got hope out of my fear?” I grinned, not meaning it seriously.

Jaal shook his head, “Not exactly. But, if you were confident and careless, I may have been the one to plead Evfra to shoot you. Or permission to.”

“I literally dodged a bullet by being absolutely terrified. Ah, nice.” I gave out a dry chuckle.

He giggled with me, “I doubt they would’ve actually listened to me. Though, I am glad that I was proven wrong about you.”

“Hell, me too. I don’t want to be anything like a kett. Cold soulless bastards. Er, sorry.”

“For what? You didn’t make the kett. And I agree.” He had looked down for a moment then back up. “I have another thing to ask you.”

“Fire away.” Haha, fire away. After talking about getting shot. Hah…

“Did I make you uncomfortable on Voeld?”

I thought for a moment, “At first I felt weird, but I wasn’t going to complain. Voeld was a lot colder than any of us had prepared for.” Lexi had warned us, but like kids leaving the house in the middle of winter stating it is not that cold out, Mom, I’ll be fine! Off we went.

“Are you saying you got used to it?”

“Had to. Not that you’re uncomfortable or anything, in fact I think I rather enjoyed it. Though you gotta blame that one on me being utterly touch starved for like, months.” My face felt hot.

He cocked his head, “Are you...blushing?” I could see a small smile forming that made me feel funny.

There was an awkward pause of me thinking about how to respond. I cleared my throat, “Um, heh, yeah. Yeah I am. Just a… Just a bit.” I couldn’t look into his eyes. What in the hell is happening to me? I know what...just fucking why? Why now? Damn, this is so inappropriate. I’m like a captain of the ship and he’s a crew member. Except I’m not, and he’s technically not. He answers to Evfra, it’s just that Evfra tells him to listen to me. Ack, no no no no, you’re not feeling anything, Sara. You’re just touch starved and trying to trauma bond. This is just hormones. This shit will go away. Yeah but, this isn’t the first time I felt this. So? He’s spent his whole life fighting and killing aliens. Even if your feelings were true, do you honestly think he would reciprocate them? Could his brain have the wirings to feel any ounce of attraction towards you? An alien? Again, he fought and despised aliens his whole life. Him being your friend should be good enough is it not, Sara? Just accept it.

“Do humans really closet their emotions that much?” His voice broke my thoughts. “If you liked something just say it. What harm will it do to let others know that you enjoy something?”

“It’s ah, cultural thing. Usually people don’t sleep together unless they’re well...together. With the exception of children and their parents. Humans for some reason have to see literally everything as something sexual or romantic, because apparently plantonic doesn’t exist.” I mocked. “It’s stupid, really.”

It took him a moment to respond, “Was that why it was uncomfortable for you at first?”

I nodded, “Yeah. Society ingrained itself into my head, and I want it out. It would be wildly inappropriate for me to have that sort of feelings for you.”

He shrugged, “And why is that?”

“It would be like a co-worker getting with their boss.”

“So? Is that not allowed?”

What? “Wait, you’re telling me, it is allowed in your culture?” He nodded. “Doesn’t that cause like, biased or opinionated ah, um, things to happen? Like who’s in charge of what or where?”

“That happens anyways, does it not? Your feelings don’t simply go away when you ignore them. They’re stored. The only way to deal with them is by acknowledging them and getting them out. If you romantically like someone, you will still make decisions that show that. Same thing with family or friends.” He clarified.

“Aren’t there any problems with this? Like if a boss was with a worker and the boss made them a manager just because they favor them and not for their abilities?”

“Even though your culture sees it as inappropriate, does it stop what you’re describing?” I shook my head. “Making someone in charge because you like them, is wrong. No matter what. It hurts many many things. But people are charged by emotions anyways, ignoring them will not make a difference. Usually it makes things worse.”

“If word got around, people would usually fire the boss for even thinking about it.”

“That’s idiotic. Fire the boss if the boss abuses their power and puts someone in charge that doesn’t qualify. Don’t fire the boss for simply being a person.” He retorted.

“Our ideology comes from the fear of people acting out their emotions. Humans go to the extreme a lot, so we feel that ignoring these emotions will be the best.”

He seemed confused, “Ah, could you elaborate?”

“It’s not uncommon for...let’s say a boss who likes their worker, to try and have sex with them because of how they feel. And because they are the boss, they use that position to try and sorta order them or blackmail them to have sex with them.”

He had the most disgusted look on his face. “Not that that ever happens in our society, because it has. But that is absolutely outrageous and sickening. Abusive bosses should be fired. Don’t restrict others to being mere...robots because you refuse to fire a horrible boss.”

“But yeah. That’s where that stems from. Humans cannot handle their emotions.”

“Because you never deal with them.” Jaal seemed frustrated. “You’ve never learned how to properly work with them. For angara, this is taught from birth. It’s not perfect, but at least very few of us are emotionally repressed.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make things frustrating for you.”

“I imagine it must be frustrating for you because you have to live in it constantly.”

I nodded, “Yeah. A bit.”

He let out a frustrated grunt. “No wonder...have I made your crew uncomfortable by...being the way I am? So open?”

“A little, yeah. But they sorta figured out it was part of your culture anyways.”

“Doesn’t excuse it. So, all the compliments I gave...they weren’t received as platonic, were they?”

“I cannot speak for everyone, but the consensus seems to be that no, they weren’t. And even if they were, it took everyone by surprise.”

He buried his head in his hands. “I’m...so sorry. I...I should’ve thought better.”

I reached out to his shoulder, “Hey, it’s okay. I believe we understand now. All first contact is awkward for a while. We’re just getting used to each other.”

He relaxed and looked at me, “Thank you. I will watch what I say.”

I sat back, “Oh pfft. Don’t. I love it when you compliment us. Or, we love it, anyways. Heh. Just...continue being you. We love it. I think your personality is much needed in times like this. And, maybe you could teach us a thing or two about dealing with our emotions.”

He smiled, “Maybe. I’m not sure how good of a teacher I will be, but I can do my best. Thank you, Sara.”

I bowed my head, “It’s not a problem. In fact it’s relieving to be around you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re contagious like that. Since you’re so open, I feel like I can be open and comfortable around you, too. I’m not going to complain.”

“I’m glad I have that effect. I don’t complain when I’m around you either.” He smirked. Is he..?

“Hah, careful. I already like you, you don’t want me to end up liking you or- wait. No, that’s not.” My face got hot again and then I was the one with the buried face. “I don’t understand words.” I could hear him chuckle.

“Hmm… I’ll have to think on that.”