#“funny” in quotes
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catchymemes · 4 months ago
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ur-daily-inspiration · 1 month ago
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daily-spooky · 9 months ago
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daughterofchaosstuff · 5 months ago
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done healing my inner child. next up is my inner teen. her highness demands a sword.
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everwalldigan · 4 months ago
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To anyone who thinks Bruce has a clear and consistent favourite child I raise you this: it is infinitely funnier for Bruce to have a complicated and elaborate “ranking” system of his kids that only he’s privy to.
Picture this: Batman, dosed with truth serum, gets asked as a gag from one of the goons holding him captive who his favourite bat-vigilante is and instead of giving a straight answer, he launches into this whole explanation about the ranking system and who’s in the current lead, who’s hanging behind, etc. At some point (this is a mystery to everyone involved) a whiteboard appears and he starts explaining his system like he’s a football coach before an important match. Out of nowhere he starts pulling out little cardboard cutouts of his kids and pins them to the board. At some point the red string comes out.
Jason hasn’t killed someone in a week? Automatically promoted to favourite. Tim hasn’t caused an international incident in the past month? Puts him a few points ahead that keep decreasing the longer he refuses real sleep (20 minute power naps don’t count Tim! Says powernap inventor Bruce Wayne). Cass gave him a hug this morning and wished him a good day? Favourite until he gets a call from dick telling him (without shouting!!!!) that he’ll be there for this week’s Sunday dinner. Duke accidentally scratches the Batmobile? Demoted to the “in trouble” zone (which, honestly, that’s where his kids spend most of the time in😭). Damian did not attempt to free all the animals in the zoo they visited? Favourite. Until Bruce found out he was just trying to conceal the cat hidden in his room that Bruce explicitly forbade him from keeping.
Dick arrives at the family dinner with a busted shoulder and a bruise the size of Texas on his face? Gets demoted so far down that even azraeil scores higher than him. He’s in the “in trouble” zone for a constant month after that. Oh one of them survived an almost death? Favourite for at least the next week. At least. Multiple people survive an almost death? EVERYONES the favourite. The least favourite is the growing grey hairs on his head.
The end of day results are decided by who bothers to wish him goodnight and if all of them have fucked up in some way the past week then Jon (Kent) becomes the automatic favourite until someone cracks a joke that Bruce actually finds funny.
The favourite child changes daily, hourly even, and his kids are aware this system exists and keep trying to crack the code but he always Knows and just smirks smugly.
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traveller-of-the-knight · 1 year ago
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*ok, but what is Jake's stragle?*
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nondelphic · 1 month ago
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every writer knows the pain of having an idea that’s “too good” to write because you know you can’t do it justice
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fast-andthe-curious · 1 month ago
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n-u-b-e-s-n-e-g-r-a-s · 2 months ago
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thebat-musicman · 4 months ago
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9 year old Dick: If you’re a friendless loser and you know it, clap your hands!
Bruce:
Dick: Clap. Your. Hands.
Bruce: *clap clap*
———
12 year old Jason: HEY YOU!
Jason: HEEEEEY YOU!
Jason: HEY! YOU!
Bruce: It’s not polite to not call people by their names, Robin.
Jason: Nice try, Hey You. I know my mentor’s name.
———
13 year old Tim: You see this coffee, Bruce?
Bruce: Thank you for making this for m-
Tim: This is my coffee. You are having water. Only people who don’t break mugger’s fingers get coffee.
———
Clark: Batman, your Robins are so polite. They must have been a joy to raise.
Bruce, through clenched teeth: Such a joy.
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catchymemes · 6 months ago
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ur-daily-inspiration · 7 months ago
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daily-spooky · 3 months ago
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astrogirlythings · 5 months ago
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everwalldigan · 4 months ago
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(Dick coming to collect Jason after he’s been “wrongfully” captured by the justice league while Batman is off world:)
Dick: Listen, Hood might be a criminal, but he’s one of Gotham’s. And he’s my brother.
JL: he killed 80 people in two days.
Dick: …he’s adopted?
Jason, glaring while bound to a chair: SO ARE YOU???
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haley-harrison · 3 months ago
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Calypso: The stars are beautiful tonight.
Odysseus: You know who else is beautiful?
Calypso (blushing): Who?
Odysseus: Penelope.
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