nondelphic

[nondelphic]

nondelphic update july 29th

it's been a bit radio silent from me the last two weeks, sorry about that !! i just hopped on here to update y'all and tell you i'll be back next week, or this thursday at the earliest. i'm in the final stages of editing and submitting my previously failed bachelor's thesis, so there's been a lot of writing THAT and less writing FUN stuff or updating this blog :c

if you've followed me for a while you're probably aware that i like to post consistently, so if i don't have enough posts in me to publish 5-10 times daily i tend to take breaks to build up my tumblr queue again lol. it's really not that serious but this blog is like a science project to me and a practical study on algorithms (not really, but also kinda true). sooo to me it kinda is serious !!!

but yeah, i'm doing fine, thank you to everyone who sent kind messages and worried about me, i love you all <333

xoxo becka

[nondelphic]

me: i’ll just take a break and come back to this later

also me: returns two weeks later with no memory of what this story is, who these characters are, or why i made the love interest say that one line that haunts me now

[nondelphic]

sometimes i open my wip just to scroll. not to write. not to read. just to observe it like a cursed object that belongs in a museum under glass with a sign that says “do not touch. unstable.”

[nondelphic]

i’m writing two women who are definitely not in love. they just keep saving each other’s lives. and touching each other’s hands for too long. and exchanging loaded glances. and dying inside when the other one’s in danger. but it’s not gay. they’re just. bonded by shared suffering. i swear.

[nondelphic]

once you name a character something slightly unhinged they become unstoppable. that’s just facts

[nondelphic]

writing would be so relaxing if it didn’t involve stress, deadlines, perfectionism, existential spirals, emotional labor, self-doubt, eye strain, or the crushing weight of wanting it to be good

[nondelphic]

writing is such a fun hobby! step 1: spend 3 hours writing. step 2: reread it and die inside. step 3: close the doc for 2-5 business months. step 4: repeat

[nondelphic]

“i’ll finish my book one day,” i sob, clinging to my laptop as the nurses gently sedate me. “just have to figure out this one plot hole.” “of course, sweetie,” they say. “of course you do.”

[nondelphic]

today’s writing update: i opened the doc, scrolled through it blankly, sighed at least four times, and then googled how to become a monk

[nondelphic]

i don’t want a brand deal i want to unionize and time to write

[nondelphic]

wrote one (1) sentence and immediately had to go lie down

[nondelphic]

they found me hunched over my laptop, eyes bloodshot, mumbling about character arcs. “have you eaten?” they asked. “he doesn’t make it out of the bunker,” i replied. “i didn’t mean for it to happen. it’s just how it ends.”

[nondelphic]

i want to write the kind of f/f that sneaks up on people. like “wait do they hate each other or are they flirting” and then two scenes later you realize they’ve been in love since that one intense moment of eye contact in chapter 3

[nondelphic]

me when writing: ok he’s a little serious. maybe too serious. maybe he’s carrying a little too much weight on his shoulders. maybe he wears a tactical vest and speaks fluent trauma. maybe he’s been through a zombie outbreak. maybe he’s my emotional support video game boyfriend. anyway new wip drop

[nondelphic]

writing feels impossible until suddenly it’s 1:47am and i’m sprinting through dialogue like the holy ghost of hyperfocus has taken the wheel and now my document is 3k words heavier and my back hurts

[nondelphic]

dystopian fiction writers will describe the gruesome death of the mc’s childhood best friend in a hail of gunfire and ash and then be like… “ebony dark'ness dementia raven way” whispered her final words. okay.

[nondelphic]

me: i’m gonna write

also me: actually i’m going to spend the next 40 minutes lying on the floor while my brain plays a movie trailer for a novel that doesn’t exist and that i will never write. but it’s a really good trailer