#“I know what you are” looking ahh
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Park Ranger Elmer - A Day At The Park
#brandon rogers#brcu#brandon rogers elmer#Elmer phitts#he has such a thousand yard stare#but can you blame him#“I know what you are” looking ahh
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Please don't hurt yourself
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#library of ruina#hod#hod lobcorp#hod lobotomy corporation#hod library of ruina#erm... michelle. hii michelle. going to have to spoiler tag for you though baby#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobcorp spoilers#okay i think thats it#no shading because this made me want to KILL YMSELF#it looks fone w out it anyways. yay. thank you filter after effects for saving my ass this . hurt me so muchh to try to finish#nothing specific that had me make this. at least from lobcorp lor. its more of having more empathy towards my past self or when i was young#than me. right now. it feels as if the past is so devoid of my current self yet i know that its Me. its just so distant. to the point where#at times it feels as if the me of the past is devoid of the current me. im told im very empathetic? hard to tell. that im patient and kind#or more of understanding to everyone but Myself. so when i try to be kind to myself it feels impossible. but im able to do it to my past se#which makes a disconnect. please dont hurt youself. please dont hate youself. you dont need to do that. i know you want to live it hurts#i know. its alright to want to live. you dont need to apologize and feel Guilty. but never towards Myself. to console and wish to soothe bu#not to the current self. to pardon and accept but not to this Me. so i wanted to put it down kinda. felt most similar to hod ish.#its guilt for living. apologizing for existing. wanting to be accepted and pardoned. but also forgiving and accepting the self of before#not so much forgiving. forgive is a weird word. the hurt never leaves. and the guilt is there regardless. but. yknow. accept#sorry some random shit. yappin. who gaf abt that guy. who was that guy. anyways. hod <3 HODD!!!#just like to ramble abt what i think abt when i go to make pieces. since i uhh dont really have anyone to tell who would care. so. awkward.#god thats embarrassing actuallt migjt delete if im not lazy asf later. loser oversharing on the internet AHH 💥💥#uhmm back to the actual piece. the proportions and fhe coloring were having me feel like i was dging trying to get it right. almost#considered just gettinf rid of it and scrapping the whole piece. didnt though. wanted to have it done and finished. hod <3#the feeligns described arent what i would relate w hod? but closest chatacter towards the general thougut. so wanfed to draw her#i wanted to do more w ligjting and such as well. but it never ended up getting in. maybe later
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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What did/do you like about Pharah?
Uh, gameplay-wise, I really love characters in shooters who rely on three-dimensional movement techs. Chaining together hover and jump to stay in the air for as long as possible and keep momentum is so satisfying, and picking enemies off from the sky made me feel like a bird of prey. I was a good Pharah main.
Story-wise, there unfortunately isn't much to canonically go off because Pharah is so underutilized and neglected. Her personality's pretty boilerplate "heroic hero" (she's literally inspired by Captain America).
But it's the crumbs/bits and pieces that I really latched onto. Pharah's a confirmed lesbian; her short story with Baptiste implies she harbors a crush on Mercy (fucking thank you.). She's biracial Egyptian/First Nations. She has major mommy issues, having grown up both admiring and resenting Ana. She's the bridge between Old Overwatch, inspired by the idealized heroes who surrounded her childhood, and New Overwatch. She's one of the only inter-generational characters in the cast; someone whose experiences span the gap, which is why I seriously believe Pharah would make a great main character.
There isn't much to go off of, though; she's a very uncomplicated character (she's a soldier for a private military corporation, lol.). But that just means she's a blank slate character, so I've seen fanfic writers run wild and create some really interesting takes on her. My favorite interpretation of her's a dense, herbo gym-bro type (a lot of her liens are about work outs, exercising, and playing sports) who's easily excitable under her seemingly self-serious, armored visage. We see how she tends to gloat and hype herself up when she's on a streak too, so Pharah definitely has a competitive and boastful side under her more professional and militant performance.
Now Mercy? Mercy is a real complex character.
#i was a diehard pharmercy shipper back then btw#the inherent homoerotic experience of pharmercy gameplay.#the homoerotic experience of looking to the skies to fly to safety under the protection of your knight in shining armor#the homoerotic experience of feeling white hot murderous rage at an enemy trying to pick off your pocket mercy#i still kinda despise gency lmao. you cannot convince me mercy would be in love with genji. at all.#he'd make her feel so uncomfortable and guilty. in my head. the canon is obviously different#gency is sexless. absolutely zero bite or tension.#i could go on about mercy and how her character has so much missed potential#i'm no longer in my overwatch fandom phase but#i still think about that new flirty line they added in ow2 where mercy goes “ahh you're like my knight in shining armor!”#and pharah goes “that's what i'm goin for ;)” and i sigh dreamily#really happy that pharah outright says she's a lesbian too but it's hard to feel good about rep when you know blizzard uses it for pr#to be honest i'm willing to bet cash that blizzard's keeping pharmercy in their back pocket as ammo for the next controversy#last year we already saw logs about pharah fretting and taking care of mercy and the two talking about how good it is to see each other#tbh pharah has the same energy/demeanor as applejack. cheerful and competitive in a can of whoopass#but yeah overall pharah's a pretty shallow character. i have IDEAS on how i'd go about deepening her but. whatever#that's sorta what happens when you have to juggle a cast of 40 characters. a lot get left with the bare minimum#ok so i wrote this entire post up saying that pharah isn't in ow2's storymode when she is. she's in the story i just. forgot#because she doesn't do or contribute anything interesting#ok i'm stopping here. overwatch's story is such an interesting narrative mess i could go on for hours#i dunno how you come up with such incredible character designs and give them such an unincredible story#it's also so so so interesting seeing the conflicting takes on characters the writers have#mercy in gameplay and voicelines is peppy and cheerful and optimistic#but mercy in the storymode journal logs is tired. jaded. a total shut in who forgets to leave her room and social#and YES! THAT'S WHAT I WANT!!! THAT'S MERCY TO ME!!! THE DOCTOR WHO FORGETS TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF#ask me#anon
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btj and malik -pro bowl besties!
#from the chargers youtube LMAO#stealing clips from all these different teams#whimpers at the cuteness#also just want y'all to know that almost everyone else said their actual teammate#except for btj#ahh that lsu connection#lsu#brian thomas jr#malik nabers#i really do wonder if justin and ja'marr are looking at btj and malik and seeing the past versions of themselves#they're still close ofc but it's nothing like it was back at lsu#which is fine! normal to drift away when you live in two entirely different cities and timezones!#but. when they look at btj and malik do they wish that things had turned out differently? do they miss what they had before?#ahhh the jjmarr-brialik parallels#2025 pro bowl
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Religious trauma anon again! Im genuinely serious when i say hes been a major sort of comfort, especially as someone who has one side of family that is catholic, and the other evangelical. The imagry you use is fantastic especially in your more thematic and symbological pieces, i love picking out the different aspects like where bandages and wounds are placed, what kind of background may be going on, the colors and the emotions associated with them, etc. Even if its not all intentional, its good food
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#ahh thank you!#I love it when folks look at my art with intent and try to analyze it#themes motifs symbolism overtones and whether there's something to be read between the lines#I do consider details carefully more often than not and quietly hope that maybe someone catches the implications I'm not saying out loud#it's very flattering that you consider my art worth your time like that#religious trauma can be extremely rough I don't know you or what you've gone through but I hope you're doing better nowadays#answered#anonymous
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Cards 👏 cards 👏 cards 👏 (Patreon)
#Doodles#Osmosis Jones#Damned#Ozzy#Drix#Thrax#You may remember my DAX card - cough - and also my Stanley card! Also cough huh actually lol#Stanley's looked much more like this tho#Which would be because they're all part of the same printed set!#I actually have another like dozen-ish of these#Might show 'em off in the end-of-year roundup 👀 But for now it's just these guys! The sillies!#In very legible ink lol - I can read it and they're my notes so that's the important bit#I think Thrax's last name would actually be ''Roja'' tho so that's on me#Also why is Drix called Drixenol when his full first name is Drixobenzometaphendramine - where's the L come from#I've been Jonesing - pun intended - to fill out Ozzy's ''personality'' section for aaaggesss#I keep trying to pick at a scene with him and it's just not turning out! Need an easy-overview of his traits and features lol#I did actually have a new idea after making these so I think I was onto something lol#He has a very fun character type ♪ He's oddly socially aware for how annoying he can be! He does it on purpose!!#Drix is the exact opposite so they're great contrasts to each other hehe <3 Drix Tries to be helpful and fumbles it but he's so earnest!#Also finally got me decided on their room placements - so much easier to coordinate them at Night with that square#They don't have roommates Yet but based on who was inhabiting which rooms originally....o3o It's an idea isn't it hmmm#I went and read Thrax's description on one of his wiki pages as well and he was described as ''Cold'' and I was like uhm???#Like yes he does kill in cold-blood - he's pretty unflinching and indiscriminate with what and who he aims his fire power at#But with his hot-headed attitude and overall heat aesthetic I have a difficult time calling him Cold exactly - cool for sure! Haha#But yeah I dunno about that - he's also a nerd which I find very fun haha sets up a powerpoint presentation for his thugs#And just ends up doing the main bit himself anyway! He just likes to talk about his plans hehehe#It really is double-fun to have them all from different points in their timelines ahh ♪ Who and what they know so fun to play in#The secret-keeping and surprises are my favourite part! Mismatch and uncertainty! Love that#I also had a lot of fun with their background splashes :) Ozzy gets blue cells - Drix gets his pills and some fizzles#And Thrax's cell-destroying fire and flames were stylized so cool! Also has a bit of a pollen look as well! I enjoy
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sometimes i think about sullivan and how his n iruma’s relationship progresses and what made him choose iruma. i mean it was probably something to do with delkira that made him pick iruma up but i also think about that comment he makes early on in the series, that the others in the 3 greats have grandkids and he doesnt and how hed love to have a grandkid. and how he sends iruma to babyls partly because thats what a proper caretaker is meant to do. and how at the beginning maybe hes playacting and thinking yes this is the boy i have brought over for unspecified reasons, My Grandson, and i am the Grandfather (yay!) but its only later on that The Grandson becomes Iruma Suzuki first and then Sullivan’s Grandson second. and then i get happy about it
#i think half of this has been cooked up in my head from that one offhand comment and also some common sense (i mean he still has some#affection or makes sure to show it at least but i dont know that its genuine . at least in the beginning. wouldnt it be strange if you love#a stranger immediately?)#(but then again the idea that he loves iruma immediately is also fun because i imagine itd be him projecting his affection for delkira onto#this kid and then later it becomes something real….)#but anyway the point is to say that i like that even if it wasnt real in the beginning he still tries hard to pretend and he does look out#for iruma#like. excellent behviour good sir you get an a* from me#ahh but i really really want a few chapters just to explore why the adoption happened in the first place like WHY DID HE AGREE#this is a question that bugs me forever WHAT IS IT ABOUT IRUMA#is it the same thing that makes him so charismatic ? is it why he radiates main character energy ?#i suppose we’ll get it when we get more information about delkira because i highkey think they are inextricably linked somehow#but ugghhhh can that chapter come sooner please thanks#m!ik#welcome to demon school iruma kun#yellow is blathering yet again#iruma suzuki#sullivan
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My life has improved a lot since being more consistent with responding to and talking to friends and saying yes to plans instead of letting anxiety make me say no. Maintaining good relationships and having a support system is so important. I isolated myself badly for over two years just out of fear and anxiety and depression and I was REALLY suicidal not that long ago. I recently decided that I deserve to actually live and have fun and be with my friends, not just isolate and rot in bed and it was literally a life-changing decision
#:)#progress#it may sound stupid but I would literally have panic attacks#even just about the prospect of hanging out with people who were my best friends#and make up excuses every time#and when my addiction was really bad I knew I looked sick and ppl could tell so I was ashamed to see most people#I still get the impulse to just lie and say some shit bc of the anxiety but I try my best to push past it#by remembering that like 85% of stuff we worry about doesn’t ever happen and that I’ll end up being glad I went#life is precious you never know what will happen and I’m trying my best to seize every opportunity to see the people I love#and make new memories#doing these things are so beneficial for my mental health#I love my friends so much#used to be like ahh I’m so alone but I wasn’t. I was just terrified of everything and deciding to make up excuses
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*squeezes aine this time*
Read my Yandere! Dottore fics first (⁎⁍̴̆Ɛ⁍̴̆⁎)
Chemistry ๑ Magnum Opus
So @ainescribe decided to surprise me with more Darling fan art, this time of Dottore’s Assistant!! *sobs* I love it so much 。゚(゚´ω`゚)゚。
Once again, feedback will be in the tags. Thank you so much for enjoying my writing, Aine <3
#feedback#fan art#pranabefall#AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE ( ;∀;)#THE FACT THAT YOU DREW THIS?? AND SO SOON?? give me a moment. i need to cry happily#fun fact aine has made jokes about assistant and 'dead-eyed desi trauma' so my first thought when seeing this fan art was#'wow you can rlly see the desi trauma in her eyes' xD i say this both jokingly and seriously cuz AHH HER EXPRESSION!!#it's hard for me to describe visual art + techniques but you did such a good job at depicting assistant's emotions#is it bc of the thicker line art used for the eyes + eyebrows?? the lil eyebags/ creases under her eyes?? the uneven shading for her irises#all of that combined with her jaded facial expression and body language?? idk but just know that i love this depiction of assistant#especially since her emotions are an important aspect of her character design (to me at least)#moving on i love your original design for her. once again it's always interesting to see how my readers imagine and depict my darlings#and the way you drew her including the pose and design....she looks like a character from an animated show or visual novel!!#just put her name. caption. and dialogue on the side then she's ready to be romanced. 100% the fan-favorite character <3#i rlly like how you drew her hair!! it looks very fluffy and voluminous (sorry idk many terms for haircare either)#the scar is an interesting detail. makes me wonder if she got it before. during. or after the akademiya?? from an expedition/ experiment??#either way. ohohoho the potential....i imagine the scar serving as a lifelong reminder to assistant of what she has sacrificed for her#scientific curiosity and career. not to mention that the scar is located on her FACE which is 1) the body part most crucial to a person's#identity 2) makes the scar difficult to ignore. to the point that some people may recognize assistant's face mainly bc of her scar#poor assistant. at least dottore is one to appreciate such traits. i can see him administering first aid or lovingly tracing the scar......#moving on to her uniform. i love that it's practical but also stylish in its own way. a perfect balance methinks uwu#the patterned lapels. the lil brooch. the leather armbands. the fatui symbol. the tucked shirt and high-waist pants.....aaaahhhh i just#love these small details!! and it does look like smth which a fatuus would wear on the job~#i think that's all i have to say on assistant!! once again. thank you thank you THANK YOU FOR EXPRESSING YOUR LOVE FOR MY WRITING AND MY#DARLINGS!! it means the world to me and i'll always cherish our rambles and brainrot <3#dottore x reader#yandere dottore x reader#yandere fatui harbingers#fatui x reader#genshin x reader
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Hey quick question when does the misgendering stop
#Ftm#Trans man#“It stops when you start taking your T consistently and actually work out” i tell myself#I get it#I'm a short guy with a baby face and a wholesome disarming energy about me#Theres not much that can be done about this.#And there's very little that I WANT to do about my aparant mannerisms and cadence of speech#I didn't shed a neurotypical female mask just to put a neurotypical male one on instead#Fuck that#What i do know is that I have feminine hips and thighs. Which can be worked to look more masculine#But at this weight?#Even my most square outfit can't save me#and there is nothing I can do that will immediately fix that... Except maybe develope an eating disorder#I'm not nearly obsessive compulsive enough for that nor do I want to be#Ugggghhhhhj#I have to actually eat healthier and cut down on take out and start working out daily again. Ugghhhh#I can do it i just don't wanna#except it do want to (i have to tell myself)#because I want my surgeon to have a good canvas to do top surgery on and so I can be strong during recovery#Ahh to have the metabolism of my youth#Wait scratch that. That was a bad thing.#Signs your anxiety disorder is well under control:#you have to actually work to be fit and not just exist in a perpetual state of fear
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reread tiphs dialog recently. i love them lots
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobcorp spoilers#i cant help it. the boxes....#i never know what to tag as spoilers and what not to. so just to be safe#tiphereth#tiphereth lobcorp#chesed#chesed lobcorp#do i do all of them..? some of them are smaller. ahh itll be okay i hope..#netzach#netzach lobcorp#ill stop there. there is gebura yesod and malkuth but its just one drawing for both#just general thoughts of mimicking others and trying to potray what maturity is. the dialog from story 1 when you meet them i think abt tip#talking abt being stern stoic and strict. then netz talking abt yesod and the two behaving similar like that#just thought some others would be cute. trying to get used to how id draw her. ah the gebura tiph one was a loose idea in gebs story to#where the two talk and tiph advises against asking to much and to hold onto that hate iirc. been a bit. then the idea of her able to replac#parts. then the degradation of the soul after being destroyed. maybe tiph might check up on her or peek in to see how shes doing considerin#the idea to hold onto hate was advice She gave. iirc. anyways the concept of having black coffee to look cool and grown#they put the shortest next to the tallets in the same layer. had another idea to have the two tiphs stack atop one another to be as tall as#chesed and gebs but i got too tired. its a cute idea though might do it later. another thing i wanted to do later on was pertaining to#singing a song of homeland and lisa stating she wanted to dance. that and the backdrop from c comand being a giant stage. preformance arts#malkuth is there because the three all do a command team. lots is stuff and responsibility. feel like tiph would have beef w her . also an#iirc moment i recall something abiut the two teams havinf a rivalry or competition of sorts? kind of funny what beef u got w some kids bro#more likely pertaining to the agents inside of the teams itself to be honest. i think id be cute is malkuth would give some help tips thoug
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Dragan’s dating profile is…uh, interesting? So, I thought of alternate reasons for most of it, lol. But the first one is (mainly) from the official list.
• Your love story is a lifelong journey together
• He communicates affection subtly
• He wants to protect you
• He will face any threat without hesitation for you
• You’ve been his heart since childhood
(I’ve always adored this one expression: loving someone is like your heart existing outside of your body, going about life with all it’s dangers, and you can’t lock it away, safe, because it’s meant to be free; you can only accept this, or hurt it and hurt yourself by caging it’s wings.)
#rc dragan#rc spoilers#Dragan’s route is so angsty but when you start to get the full picture the yearning is so 😩#like just. the way he trembles when holding her while thinking about how he has to hide how much it means to him to do so#and looking back on it after finding out he’s staying away from her because he knows she’s better off??#ahh I really want them to figure their story out. agree to date. be blushing messes together bc The Yearning wasn’t anticipated to get here#like they don’t know what the frick to do now lol 😂#(Dragan when hooking-up with strangers: *probably a cocky flirt*#Dragan when around Lada after becoming her boyfriend or something: *cannot handle eye contact—or any contact actually*)#that’s what I imagine since he reacts so strongly with the simplest things /now/. when they haven’t even Talked!!
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ive been watching a lot of id.v stageplay recently (courtesy of milo telling me about it) i had heard of it before but didn't act upon it because im not a live action kinda person... until my friends straight up started sending me cute and silly tiktoks of stageplay nort.on and im so!?!?!?! im so... ... hes so fucking cute ekekekekekwkwk he's so quiet and yet he drops the most hilarious lines in a very stern tone i lovehimsomuchbehehehfbdhdjd this brought me back again AHAHAHDVHSSH
#i have occurences where no.rton just shows up to my feed and then i indulge in it for a bit...#like when his hunter fool.s gold form was revealed and i was ALL over his hunter form (I STILL WANT TO EAT HIM. ROCKS.) for some time#and now the stageplayfjfhfhhdhfhrHHHRRRHRRR#THE AMOUNT OF SCREENSHOTS IVE TAKEN OF HIM IS UNHOLYYYYYYYYYY#HES JUSTSOOOOVUTE GNVNVVNKKK#the issue with consuming id.v content is that they don't really have canon personalitys showing for the cast#so seeing that this stageplay just take what we know and deepen it is FANTASTIC#during curtain's call the actors expressed that concern and im so glad they brought the characters to life eekekekehhe JUST LIKE NORTO--#AUAUAUAYGG HEEHEE heeosoooocute ilovehimmmmmmmmmm#ALSO ALSO YOU KNOW HOW I ALSO HAVE A FAMILIAL AND PLATONIC IN ID.V?#NORTO.N SEEMED TO INTERACT WITH THEM PARTICULARLY A LOT..... THEY DON'T HAVE CANON INTERACTIONS BUT SEEING THE STAGEPLAY OF THEN INTERACTIN#MADE ME SO?!?!?!?? (COMBUST!!!!!) IT MADE ME FEEL SO... HSSKDJDHDHSJJJSJSJSJE#FOR ME... IVE ALWAYS TREATED NORTO.N/NA.IB LIKE THESE TWO WHO BEEF WITH EACH OTHER EASILY (NAIB IS FAMILIAL)#AJD YES THEY FUCKING BEEF WITH EACJ OTHER SOEMTIMESHDHFHDHSHS BUT THEY'RE ALSO BROS ON A COUPLE OCCASIONS AND IM SOOOOOOO. TEARY EYESSS AAA#AND FOR EMMA MY PLATONIC AHH HE'S SO GENTLE AND POLITE WITH HER GKGKGKFKFKFKF JUSTNLIKE HOW I IMAGINED!!!!!!#kevin was being all social and touchy with emma and she was a little uncomfortable BUT SEEING NORTON INSTINCTIVELY THREW KEVINS HAND AWAY#OUUUGGHH OUUUU HE CARES FOR HER IM DYING (IM ALSO A NORTO.N EMMA SHIPPER BE QUIET/J) I LOOOVE HIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMM MWMAMWMAA HE CAN PROTECT M#HE ALSO JUST ATE A WHOLE ASS DONUT LIKE. IM FUCKING GIGGLINGGGGG ITS A RUNNING JOKE IN THE COMMUNITY THAT NO.RTON IS ASSOCIATED WITH DONUTS#BECAUSE HIS MAGNET (CONNECTED TO PROFESSION) LOOKS LIKE ONE AKAAKSJDHHSHADNFBNDJDDH I LOVETHEDETAILSSHDBSB#OIOOOOUUGH I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND HES SO QUIET BUT ILOVEHIM 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚#~ rambling#norton campbell.rom
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Challenge level: Impossible (Patreon)
#Doodles#Spoiler alert: I was in fact not normal about it lol#You can tell those first two are old by comparison for how short my hair was at the time lol#From back in July! I guess I just hadn't been drawing myself much there for a bit huh#As for that last one I swear I Promise I drafted this in September it's not a reference I'm just actually genuinely Like This lol#I didn't choose this life etc. etc. lol#From the top!#Burst of inspiration wherever could that have come from hehe <3 What could've happened in July that made me want to draw I wonder hehehe#Bit funny considering I fell off posting - not like the inspiration stopped! And what I Did draw was Very lol#I still have some of it in an ever-present photoviewer because I like being able to look at it at any point <3#Still inspired! Still want to do more studies!! So pretty ♥♪♫#Sleepy thoughts - I had my Pkmn Diamond/SoulSilver field dex/guides for all of like two months and then they were packed up again#And this was Before the Pokemon burst! Sheesh sheesh#I love my field guide dexes they're so neat and well-made ahh#I have got a couple craft projects still back-burnered - those papercrafts to do with Pokemon are still on the list!#A little Pokedex-notebook is so fun.......And I have Pokemon stickers that I could put in it or on it......ah........#I do want to! I will at some point the energy will return to it eventually#Alright so the main course lol#Went fabric shopping for plushies because yes I Am determined to Make Thing! Another that's been a bit backburnered - but I will!!!#I do still really want to it's turned out pretty good for far :) But while I was shopping!!#We did the usual small talk thing with the store employee like ''Oh what are you buying this for'' that whole back-and-forth#So I explained that I was making plushies and needed the tear-away stabilizer to draw the embroidery outline on#In my head I was being very tempered because while /I/ know that I'm making a Max plushie not many people are familiar with him (wrongly so)#Lol#So we continued and he was like ''Oh cool I've made some patches with embroidery :)'' so I asked of what and he lead with CotL's crown#And then-#Look Zarla's work was Already on my mind with Max as my project I was in a Delicate Way already do you really expect me not to talk about it#The answer was no and he walked away with a Vargas recommendation in his pocket I hope he enjoyed it lol#And I got my fabric and started work on Max's face it's fine it all worked out in the end it's all good it's great lol#I Was encouraged to come back with my finished project so that's on my to-do once I get him in a presentable state haha
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"i'm not disabled" followed immediately by "i've got bad knees and a bad back" is certainly something to read 🤨 you know it doesn't have to be cripling for it to count, right...? it's not normal to be in pain after 15 minutes of standing. ableds can stand for, like, an hour at a time before they need to sit.
i know! i appreciate the concern, but i uh. dunno lol. genuinely i don't know. but i included the afaik ("i'm not disabled afaik" was the original phrase, though i'm not like mad at you for excluding it or anything) because i'm well aware that it's a possibility. it's hard to explain but there's a lot of little things that don't add up to much but are like. noticeable. like i would prefer to do most things sitting, if i could, as a matter of comfort. it would be easier for me. and walking isn't as bad as just standing. i've never been great at taking care of my body, and this has only gotten worse with time. it's hard for me to know what i should read as necessity and what i should read as preference, and how much weight to put on said preferences. like you said, i know it doesn't need to be "if i don't sit down i'm going to collapse" or anything, but where to draw that line between Definitely A Medical Thing That Affects Me More Than Other People and.. not that, i'm not sure. i kinda just thought i was a persistently slightly tired and low energy person, but it doesn't seem bad enough to be chronic fatigue, so...? is it related to the half-diagnosed. idk it's complicated depression (and yes in hindsight i probably should've counted that as disabling but whatever)? idk it's not a rabbit hole i've explored much at all is my point. but i know it's there and uh i guess this was sort of validating in a way anon so.. yeah? yeah👍
#also in reference to the pain after 15 mins of standing thing it's.. usually closer to discomfort than pain? but it's not Not pain either#it's often more like 'oh i should sit down. i wanna sit down. i should sit down' and it's not that frequent but it's like a status effect#and the frequent reminders are only after like 20-30 minutes#sometimes i don't even notice it and sometimes (if i'm bored lol) i'll notice it a Lot#this is not helped by my body being.. iffy at telling me what's going on. it's always too much or too little input with this guy#ahh that rascal. anyway#listen anon 1) uh sorry for going off like this idk if that's like. socially appropriate or whatever but i'm doing it anyway 2) if you've#got ideas i'm all ears. like off the top of your head not like. im not asking you to do research for an internet stranger ok#plus it feels weird saying i could be disabled when i have no idea what it would even be. i mean i think i'd believe someone else if they#said that but it's a classic rules for me and not for thee situation. still working on that#point is i got brain gunk for sure i just don't know how much of the body gunk is because of the brain gunk or smth else#like the possibly-probably autism definitely affects me physically i just don't know exactly what to do with that information#like. am i exhausted bc i'm overstimulated? is it the burn out? or is that a separate thing? or are they working together? etc#anyway yeah got caught vagueposting about my symptoms here's the deep dive no one wanted. for self indulgence purposes :v#no but i think about it a lot with posts like this bc i mean. would an able bodied person react THAT strongly to finding out shower stools#exist? probably not. but who knows for certain#....coming to the conclusion of. probably. maybe. but in what ways specifically? uh. i dunno. i just got them heavy limbs#might be a thyroid issue now that im looking into it. but again this is Not my area of expertise
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