#by remembering that like 85% of stuff we worry about doesn’t ever happen and that I’ll end up being glad I went

[angelnumber27]

My life has improved a lot since being more consistent with responding to and talking to friends and saying yes to plans instead of letting anxiety make me say no. Maintaining good relationships and having a support system is so important. I isolated myself badly for over two years just out of fear and anxiety and depression and I was REALLY suicidal not that long ago. I recently decided that I deserve to actually live and have fun and be with my friends, not just isolate and rot in bed and it was literally a life-changing decision

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E96 (February 25, 2020)

Tonight’s guests are Taliesin Jaffe and Liam O’Brien!

Announcements: The Chicago live show and C2E2 are imminent! The live show will be on Thursday night, but an hour earlier than usual, at 6 PM Pacific/8 PM Central! Liam will be at the live show, but unfortunately has to leave C2E2 early and won’t be able to make it on Sunday. On Friday, the first behind-the-scenes video for The Legend of Vox Machina animated series was posted on YouTube, introducing the writing team!

Episode 96: Family Shatters

Stats for this week’s episode! Of the 16 times Caleb has cast Teleportation Circle, the M9 have remembered to contact someone prior to their arrival 7 times. Of those 7 times, they were successful at contacting someone at the location only 3. Taliesin: “We’re playing this game like Skyrim, we’re just going through people’s houses breaking pottery.” Caduceus got the straw hat that he gave to Clarabelle in episode 31, about 188 in-game days ago. There were 17 cow-related puns. Dani: “Is that above or below average for a Critical Role episode?”

“Clay was kind of built relatively quickly. I didn’t give Matt a ton to play with. I gave him the order in which they left, I gave him Clay’s attitude and his impression of his family members, which was usually just one sentence, and some basic idea of what their power set might be if they had one. I always thought of him as, from a family perspective, of what would have happened to Percy if nothing went wrong.” He was happy to be the one to run the family business and just hang around at home and run the shrine. “I think the rest of the kids’ wanderlust probably put them at odds quite a bit.” He liked being able to play that conflict and show what Caduceus was like when he was annoyed. Cad took after his father, the girls generally wanted to leave, and Colton is “just sort of a doofus.”

Caleb was an only child, so seeing this many kids was a lot. “They clearly had their grudges and their different dynamics with each other, but that’s normal, for sure. Caleb’s very unfamiliar with it.” He also keeps looking at Nott and thinking about how everything he’s doing is about wanting to rebuild his family, whereas Nott is so conflicted about going back to hers. “He doesn’t understand it, but he doesn’t want to push it” or judge her for it. “I thought I had a really defined direction at the start of the campaign, but my seven best friends have knocked it silly.”

What’s keeping Cad with the Nein? “Caduceus is not ready to go home at all. He’s not done with his walkabout. He feels like he wants to see a bit more. He feels he has an intense debt to pay. He feels he has a mission to see everybody else through, at the very least. Or at least he’s telling himself that. So he’s saved his home, or at least he thinks he’s saved his home, and his family’s all right, so now it’s debts that must be paid. He’s not somebody who thinks you can just get off the bus.”

“Caleb was going to ask [the hag] about the ability to travel backward through time, not really believing that she could do that, but was still like, show me what you’ve got.” Even if she’d said it, he would have thought she was a liar. “Probably would’ve offered to kill the M9″ in exchange, then would’ve turned around to hit her with a surprise Disintegrate. Liam notes repeatedly that nothing could possibly have been as cool as what Laura wound up doing.

On the Nein not worrying about places Cad considered sacred ground, Caduceus “is fine with conflict. He doesn’t even really have to have conflict, he could assert himself if he were so inclined. It’s that he’s aware that there are limits to what these people can do. It’s very much the philosophy of ‘children and drunks can do no wrong’.” He’s picking his battles.

Was there a defining moment where Caleb started seeing the Nein as family? No single moment. “It’s like love by a thousand cuts.” Liam notes that he’s still not sure how Caleb would react if he suddenly had the means to carry out his plans. “He’s got the recovering-addict mentality.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Pumat! (CriticalHitical, photo by Minniemooncos on Twitter)

Taliesin notes that Caduceus is definitely feeling more connected to the group. “If anything, Caduceus is really embracing his role as the spiritual guide to the group. He feels like he really has a lot to offer from that perspective of being the roving therapist. Or at least, he thinks he’s a roving therapist.” Liam notes that Cad is the most mysterious of the group to Caleb. “He’s the most religious character I’ve ever played, too. He’s fun! He really came together very nicely.”

On Caleb being more lighthearted on occasion: “He’s been out of practice being a human being for a long time.” The Nein’s brand of ridiculousness is rubbing off on him.

Why hasn’t Cad been pranking the Nein? “They don’t treat him poorly in that way yet. Siblings, man. I have quite a few siblings, and there is an energy. It’s the same way like when you’re around your parents, you revert to a 15-year-old.” Same with siblings. “There’s just something-- just the urge to torture them is so overpowering.” The moment he got the whistle, he knew exactly what he was going to do with it. Liam was reminded of Taliesin’s real-life siblings while watching these interactions in the game.

On Caleb’s laying on compliments for the Traveler: “The thing about time travel is it’s so implausible. It’s so implausible that I could see us finishing this campaign and Caleb will still have it in the back of his head for the rest of his life. But maybe Artagan could help with that. He certainly sees the potential in Artagan, and it was a balance between wanting to support everything Jester has devoted her life to, so it just felt like everyone was ready to write it off. Life is often like this, life isn’t what you thought it would be, it is what it is. Let’s not damn this yet, let’s feel it out. And if I can use this situation to possibly eradicate ultimate evil, that’s a win.”

Cad found it tough to have family and friends in the same room and play both roles. “I don’t know how much it came across that he was trying to keep them, not necessarily separated, but ‘family, guys, guys, family, ANYWAY.’” He did want to get his family on their way as quickly as possible. Cad is the equivalent of his early 20s, so something like 85-120 years old for a firbolg. 

Liam is asked about the conversation between Caleb and Yasha on watch several episodes ago. "You know what one of the best parts of that scene that played out was, is about 20 minutes or 30 minutes before that happened, I texted Ashley at the table and said, ‘Want to take watch? I have nothing planned, it could be fun.’” He wasn’t expecting it to go that far. “I think he had such an extreme reaction because he felt that he had done a good job of hiding things, and he was suddenly worried that he was transparent, that everyone had been able to read him this whole time when he’d thought that he was-- well, he’s a little in love with Jester Lavorre, and has been for a while, uselessly in love with her. The waltz was probably a little pebble. And in that moment-- this doesn’t play out verbally too much in the show, but he just was worried that this thing that he’s never going to admit to because it’s useless, she’s finding herself, and has her whole life ahead of her, and has other people around her who care about her and are a whole lot better for her than he is. And he’s aware of the way those two [Fjord and Beau] feel as well. It’s just there in the background fucking up his shit. It’s really just a problem. Big fucking problem.” 

Fan art of the week: a gorgeous Clay family portrait! (by Teaweltzer on Twitter)

On Clay being absent for the renewal of his home: “I don’t think his arc’s ending off-screen. I think his arc ends when he comes home to see what’s become of it.”

Is Caleb worried about Beau since the confrontation with her father? “Of course he is. She’s ignoring all the advice that she gave him. He doesn’t like to see her that hard on herself when she’s so competent and probably the backbone of the group. It’s the most judgey Caleb’s been of anybody, really, but he’s very aware of the pain of family and personal stuff. She knows her, and even though he broke his shit in half, he could still see the dynamic in the room when we visited his family, so he feels for her. We need you and we love you and we will miss you, you don’t fucking get to go.”

Each of the temples has a secondary god; what was the Blooming Grove’s other god? “The Blooming Grove is for the Archeart because it is a gift of beauty. It’s the Allhammer, the Changebringer, and the Archeart. It’s kind of a powerplay from the Wildmother, in my opinion. They’re all three based off of very specific types of funereal practices that are common throughout the world.”

Caleb saw giving over the transformation spell to Essek as a returning of one of his many favors. “Caleb likes Essek a lot. They’re like two highly gifted kids at school together. And, you know, he’s quirkily charming and handsome. There’s just no reason not to, in his mind. Outside of the M9, he’s probably the only person that Caleb would see as a friend that he’s made. Everyone else is just sort of scenery around the M9.”

What’s next for Cad? “It’s a little bit of finding himself, or at least finishing himself would be the way to put it.” (cue snickering from off-camera) “He’s also vaguely aware of some of the things that are going to possibly emotionally damage the party on the horizon, and he wants to be ready to deal with, in vague order, whatever’s going to happen to Jester, and then whatever’s going to happen to Fjord, and then whatever’s going to happen to Nott, and Yasha, and Caleb. He doesn’t know how to deal with what Beau’s going through. It’s the one thing he has no experience of, because he has no experience with that family dynamic. When he met people with that family dynamic, it was always at the end of it.”

Some fans sent in death whistles. Brian encourages Taliesin to play one on the plane.

The hat for Calliope was a last-minute thought. The flute could also have gone for Colton, depending on “who I could sneak up on”.

Caleb took a symbol of the Archeart from the Labenda Swamp. “I think it was familiar to me. I think I might have either correctly or mistakenly thought it reminded me of the woman who helped Caleb in the Sanatorium.”

[flirting-with-psychology]

1. Other than the expected things, what is something you’ve done every day for the past month? Written down a good thing every day

2. What is one way in which things have improved for you lately? I got a car

3. Do you have any bad habits you aren’t working on changing? If so, do you ever think you’ll try to break them? My eating habits. I want to lose weight but it’s just so hard to eat right

4. When was the last time someone surprised you with their reaction or behaviors? My mom sometimes surprises me with not overreacting to things I expect her to overreact to

5. Are you good at committing to things like nanowrimo or inktober? Not at all. I tried nanowrimo a couple times in high school and always gave up pretty quick

6. What is your preferred method of expressing yourself? Singing maybe? or writing? Mostly just venting

7. What outfit or clothing item have you been wearing the most lately? My hawaiian dresses or my leggings and tank tops

8. What kinds of videos do you like to watch on youtube, if any? Stuff about musicals

9. Have you had any snow yet? Is this normal for your region? Yes and yes

10. How would you describe your sleep schedule? Not good, edging more toward nocturnal

11. Have you ever reached out to a crisis center for mental health support? If so, how was the experience? No

12. When was the last time you did something you were afraid to do, and how was the outcome? Every time I have to go out in public now I am scared of it, but so far I haven’t gotten covid

13. What is one positive thing you believe about yourself? I am creative

14. What is something you have been through that has made you stronger? Braces? Idk

15. Other than money, what is something you wish you had more of in your life? Passion 16. Is there anything that you tend to ignore for the sake of your sanity? Responsibilities

17. What was the last thing you argued or debated about? Did you eventually agree, or did you have to agree to disagree? I had a disagreement with my dad about going to a sale in a store, and we didn’t agree but I haven’t decided for sure what I’ll do

18. When was the last time you were envious and what caused it? What types of things are you inclined to envy? I get jealous of girls my boyfriend has liked and of people who are doing things with their lives they enjoy

19. What is something you wish was different about your family? I wish my dad didn’t snore or make obnoxious mouth sounds

20. Name someone you miss and the last time you talked to them? Do you think you’ll ever talk again? My friend Shaina, it’s been a couple years and I hope I will talk to her again but I’m not sure 21. What is something unusual that irritates you? Is there anything that seems to bother others but doesn’t bother you at all? The sound of scratching nylon like on winter coats bothers me, but nails on a chalkboard doesn’t bother me as much as most people

22. What is your main struggle or focus in life right now? Covid and getting a job 23. What was the last piece of candy you ate? A reese’s cup

24. Are you more dramatic or stoic? Dramatic

25. When was the last time you wished you could take something back? I told my boyfriend i wasn’t enjoying kissing him when he had bad breath

26. What was the last thing you mailed? How about received (other than bills and such)? I don’t remember, probably packages

27. What was the last kind thing someone did for you? How about the last thing you did for someone else? My boyfriend stayed up late to hang out with me, and I paused the inaugural address because he had a meeting

28. If everything in the world that was happening now was because of something you were doing or thinking, what aspects of yourself would you have to improve to change the world for the better? I’d probably just have to kill myself if it was because of my thoughts because I can’t control those

29. What is your favorite thing to dream about? Interesting stories

30. Are you on medication for anything? If so, do you feel like it helps? Have you ever been afraid to take medication or had a particularly bad experience with it? I take advil for periods and it either doesn’t help or they would be even worse without it. In general I am afraid to take medications with side effects or anything I have to take every day

31. Do you prefer having long or short nails? Longish

32. Are you happy when summer ends, or do you wish it would last longer? I like when the weather gets cooler

33. How do you feel about the idea of turning 30? Or, if you already have, did your expectations or worries hold up to the reality? I am totally falling into the cliche of being scared of running out of time in my youth before I’m 30, especially with the pandemic stealing years

34. Just as a guess, how old do you think you’ll live to be? I don’t know, hopefully like 85

35. What keeps you going lately? The hope that it will be better

[brieannakeogh]

Dog Days of Summer- Ch 13

Dog Days of Summer- Chris Evans X plus sized reader. Dog days of summer are usually defined as the hottest of the year, some define it as lazy days. This year ‘hottest’ has nothing to do with the outside temp. You meet Chris and Dodger Evans while taking your own dog to the park.

Previous Chapter / Master List

Warnings: No warnings

Chapter 13

Waking up to a horny Chris is a great way to start your day. Even with a headache from drinking, he refused to take anything until you were both satisfied. After, you walk to a dinner for the big breakfast you promised him. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, all the things he wouldn’t be able to eat for the next few months while filming. 

The rest of the week went similarly. You or he would spend the night at the other’s apartment. Sex was frequent and amazing. He even dragged you to his gym a few times to spend more time together. Time flew by and soon it was Wednesday night and Chris had an early flight out the next morning. 

Laying in bed tired and sweaty from a great round of the old bump and grind, you stare at the pattern on the ceiling, thoughts much too erratic and worrisome for how good he just fucked you. 

“You’re doing that resting bitch face thing again, which usually means you’re thinking too much.” Chris turned to his side looking down at you, blocking your view and bringing you back into the moment. 

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” 

“You’re worried.” 

“But I know I shouldn’t be! You’re wonderful…” 

“I know.” 

You continue, ignoring his interruption and Star Wars reference. “I just know things happen. Not that I think things will happen, but I’m going to miss you, and most importantly miss Dodger. I’ve just never felt this...attached before.” 

He kisses your temple and lays back down, pulling you to him. “You’re right. Things happen, I’ve seen a lot of couples break up over the distance. Hell I’ve had people break up with me because of that. But if you find the right person it can work out. I’ve seen that too. Besides, I’ll be back in like three weeks, we’ve got a small break so I can come back for a few days.” 

“You’re right. I know you’re right.” 

“Also, we can maybe...when I come back, if it’s too much…” He takes a deep breath. “Maybe you can come with me. Come stay with me on set.” He was looking away from you when he said this, but your lack of a response after a few seconds had him turning to focus on your face. 

You felt like you couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t be serious. You had interviews this week, you needed a job, you couldn’t just follow him around like a groupie. “Chris...you know I would love to, but how can I? I’ve got an apartment, I need a job and what about Popcorn? I wouldn’t be able to take him with me.” You had depended on someone before, depended on them being there and got burned. Chris and you hadn’t even been dating that long. How could he be so cavalier with his freedom? If you did this you would be tied to him for everything. You knew he would come to regret it if he ever got tired of you, but would be too nice to do anything about it since he was the one to suggest it. “Let’s first see how we do with the distance. We can talk about it again on your break, I just don’t want you to rush into something and change your mind later.” He looked like he wanted to argue but just nodded his head and changed the subject. 

Sleep didn’t come well to either of you that night, but you got up with him when his alarm went off. You were at his apartment since the driver the studio sent over was to come pick him up there. He finished packing the little bits and bobs he would be taking on the plane. 

“My sister is coming to pick up Dodger later this afternoon. You can stay here if you’d like until then. I know it’s early for you.” He smirked, trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t really work, but you appreciated the effort. 

“That’s ok. I think me and Popcorn are going to head out with you.” You didn’t want to tell him that his place would seem too empty without him. 

Dodger came up and bumped his nose on Chris’ fist. He knew what packed bags ment. “It’s alright buddy, you won’t be left here for long. You get to go play with the kids! You’ll love that.” Chris giving him ear scratches and thumps on the side. Standing beside Chris you gave him pets too, knowing you wouldn’t see Dodger for just as long. 

Chris’ phone dings and from the look on his face you know his ride is here. 

All of the stuff you had brought over through the few weeks are gathered up by the door. Popcorn already in his harness but without the leash. 

“Com’ere Bubbie.” You call to your dog. 

“Did you just call Popcorn ‘Grandma’ in Yiddish?” Chris questions incredulously. 

“Maybe…..What? Don’t give me that look, you call Dodger Bubba.” 

“Fair enough.” 

You stand up from leashing your dog to see a smiling Chris looking at you fondly, before he pulls you into one last hug and a kiss on the forehead. “Make sure you text me when you land.” 

“Yes ma’am.” Scoffing, you turn your back to him to try and hide the tears threatening to fall, and gathered up your bags. He does the same and you walk out, hearing him lock the door while you call the elevator. 

The ride is much too quick and soon you’re standing next to a nondescript black sadan, the driver packing the luggage in the trunk while you try to figure out what to say. 

“It’s been surreal. You’re going to leave and it will feel like it was all a dream.” 

“Come on now. I’m gonna facetime you so much you’ll get sick of me.” 

“Hmmm, I don’t think that will be possible. Your face is too pretty to get tired of.” 

“It’s all movie magic. I’m growing old and balding.” 

Grabbing his chin and moving his head this way and that. “Yeah I can see the CG work from here.” 

You both grew silent, interrupted by the driver telling Chris he needed to leave to make his flight. Chris nodded his head, not taking his eyes off you, before capturing your lips in a heated kiss that made you dizzy. “Hopefully that will last the three weeks I’m gone.” 

“Yep, that should do it. Completely unfair, but I’ll still be thinking about that the whole time you're gone.” 

“Good.” He squeezes your hand and bends down to pet Popcorn goodbye, mumbling something quietly to him. 

You wave dumbly and yell at him after he closed the door, telling him to have a safe flight and to remember to let you know when he lands. The car drives off and you stand on the sidewalk until they turn the corner down the block, before walking in the direction to your apartment. 

“You two were making my teeth hurt.” Charles, the driver, commented. 

“Don’t be like that Charlie. You know we are adorable.” 

A few minutes go past before Charles speaks up again, this time in a more somber tone. “I’m assuming you saw the paparazzi fucker when you kissed her?” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“Do you want me to call to try and block the photos?” Chris chewed on his lips before shaking his head no. “She doesn’t seem like the kind of girl that wants to be in the trash papers.” 

Chris snorts. “You’re right about that, but I gotta know.” 

“Know…?” 

“If she can handle it. It’s going to eventually happen when I don’t see someone with a camera. We hadn’t been very discreet about it. I already like her too much. I don’t want to get too deep just to have her freak out on me when she sees herself on the internet.” 

“Are you sure that’s the best way to go about it?” 

Chris scrubs a hand over his face. “Can you think of a better way Charlie? Please tell me because I don’t know.” Charles keeps his lips pressed together. “It’ll be fine. I’ve got good fans, right? It has to be fine.” 

Next Chapter

It’s been 85 years...Ok like 2 months, but still. Thank you all for your patience I appreciate it a lot. I’m already half way done with the next chapter so hopefully it won’t take as long as this one. Really ily guys!

@spidey-babe-parker,  @stevieang, @albinotigerpython, @paintballkid711, @katykyll, @avengersrulez1536, @ultrafreespirit, @wantingtobekorra,   @i-had-a-life-once,  @ghostssss​, @babybeluuga​, @bodhi-black​,  @kanupps06​, @hatterripper31, @grandloser, @reniescarlett, @kjidhzyx, @normanreedus5150, @ilovethings-somuch, @spiderman-2013, @bloodyvalentine93, @xx-raven, @passionghost, @prettybubblesintheair, @averyrogers83,  @ria132love, @patzammit, @whom-the-fack, @pooslie, @3dsaunt, @kristiedwyer, @janeyboo, @theonelittleone, @aslandia726, @itsmysticalmystery, @stanclub, @geminimoonbeamx​, @lookwhatyoumademequeue, @eyesfixedonthesun22, @mrsalh32611, @whatmakesmebeme-tblr, @isaxhorror, @kateelyse96, @hidden-treasures21, @aubreystilinski, @tnupsweetpie, @mikaelasingswritesloves, @webcraft4eveh, @fanfictionandjunk, @elizabeth-marie-moon, @linesal

[kronos-the-timelord]

do all the things !!!! from the admitting stuff post !!!!!!!! I dare you !!!!

i’ll do it,,, i’m not a weinie >:l

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? - it was one of my parents so no 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? - no 3. Have you taken someones virginity? - ???? idk???4. Is trust a big issue for you? - kind of,, i was raised to always be wary of ppl, but my friends are some of the ppl i trust the most5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? - no but he’s coming back to the states tomorrow!!!6. What are you excited for? - my bf coming back7. What happened tonight? - i ordered pizza and took a nap8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? - no, but i do get really worried for them bc ppl suck and are horrible9. Is confidence cute? - fuck yeah!!10. What is the last beverage you had? - water11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? - i trust more women, but the guys i do trust are mostly family and then like 3-5 friends/boyfriend’s family 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? - i only own skinny jeans13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? - hang out with my boy and his family14. What are you going to spend money on next? - probably a background check,,,, im not explaining it further15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? - it was my puppy,,, so no,,, but i do give him many cuddles16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? - probably,,,, hopefully,,17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? - tbh @memeathon and @keencheckerboard bc i see them a lot and ive known them for a while,, theyve heard and seen some things about me18. The last time you felt broken? - uhhhhhhhh,, not really sure,,,,, my memory is bad 19. Have you had sex today? - nope20. Are you starting to realize anything? - nuhuh21. Are you in a good mood? - yes22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? - fuck yeah, sign me up 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? - yes24. What do you want right this second? - more reeses 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? - i think the fuck not,,,,, no26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? - yes, but i wanna dye it27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? - no,, i gotta giggle,,i can’t just laugh at myself28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? - my giant dog was curled up on the smallest section of the couch so my mom could cuddle him 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? - my boyfriend ;-;,, he goes to school in england so he’s been gone most of the past school year30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? - i think it depends on the second chance,, like anyone besides someone who cheated, rape/molested, abused, ect. i feel like can get a second chance31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? - no :0,, it was my boy!! i love him!!!32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? - yes,,, he’s known for like 3-4 years33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? - kind of,,, i prefer to drink water, but sometimes i just need that bubble34. Listening to? - noises on my street35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? - yes!! i love pencils,, but ive been using marker pens lately36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? - he’s downstairs being cuddled my mom bc he’s a cuddly puppy37. Do you believe in love at first sight? - no,, like its more of attraction at first sight,, i wouldn’t call it love38. Who did you last call? - my mom39. Who was the last person you danced with? - i think it was one of my coworkers actually,,, we get bored sometimes and just jam at work when we’re doing nothing else40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? - he’s a v cute puppy,, he needs to know he’s loved41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? - i was actually about to go eat one,,,,42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? - yes!!!43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? - oh,, yeah,,,, definitely,,,,44. Do you tan in the nude? - i don’t tan45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? - no,, in fact, i would give him more smooches46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? - no47. Who was the last person to call you? - my manager Rachel!!! shes great and i love her48. Do you sing in the shower? - sometimes,, not lately tho49. Do you dance in the car? - no,, sneezing is difficult,, dancing is more so 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? - yes!! it was one of the years i was at girl scout camp!!51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? - about a year ago,,, it was for my senior pictures52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? - yes, but they’re great!!!53. Is Christmas stressful? - yes and i hate it 54. Ever eat a pierogi? - maybe??? idk55. Favorite type of fruit pie? - apple56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? - obstetric nurse!!57. Do you believe in ghosts? - yes,, too many weird things have happened to me and my family to not to 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? - yes,, when i was younger i used to get dreams that like, predicted, what was going to happen the next day,, like one that i remember is in 3rd grade is my friend was standing in front of the lockers in a blue shirt (i knew he didnt have one) and the next he came in and showed my his new shirt (blue) that he got after school that matched the lockers59. Take a vitamin daily? - no60. Wear slippers? - sometimes,, but i made them my outside slippers,,, ones that i wear when i dont want to wear actually shoes61. Wear a bath robe? - no, but ive looked at them before,, i want one62. What do you wear to bed? - t-shirt/tank top and either shorts or just my underwear63. First concert? - uhhhh, i think it was one on vacation,, but they were a band that dressed up as the beetles and played their songs64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? - ive sold my soul to target65. Nike or Adidas? - adidas (its my bf favorite brand)66. Cheetos Or Fritos? - cheetos67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? - sunflower seeds68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? - look what you made me do69. Ever take dance lessons? - i took ballet when i was younger70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? - not really,,71. Can you curl your tongue? - yes72. Ever won a spelling bee? - i got 3rd place in the one during second grade that was only for the second graders and v unofficial 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? - yes74. What is your favorite book? - the reciever of many series that @kata-chthonia has written,, its really good 10/10 would recommend 75. Do you study better with or without music? - its gotta be instrumentals or i do have a playlist that only has an africa cover my ninja sex party and i listen to that on repeat76. Regularly burn incense? - no,, but i burn many candles77. Ever been in love? - yes78. Who would you like to see in concert? - no one,,, im not the biggest fan of concerts79. What was the last concert you saw? - my highschools band 80. Hot tea or cold tea? - hot tea!!81. Tea or coffee? - tea!!!82. Favorite type of cookie? - chocolate chip83. Can you swim well? - yes,,, not commonly known fact but i wear a size 11 shoe (they’re actually bigger than my boyfriends and i think thats hilarious) so my feet are kinda like flippers84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? - yes, but not for long85. Are you patient? - yes86. DJ or band, at a wedding? - probably a dj bc its cheaper, but a band sounds fun!!!87. Ever won a contest? - yes, but it was a v tiny one on amino that im not part of any more 88. Ever have plastic surgery? - nope and dont want it89. Which are better black or green olives? - black,, but i do like the purple ones90. Opinions on sex before marriage? - im cool with it,, just depends on the ppl91. Best room for a fireplace? - living room92. Do you want to get married? - yeah

[angelaiswriting]

Sick Days | Vladimir Ranskahov x reader, NSFW

[not even god can stop me and my banners]

✎ Pairing: Vladimir Ranskahov x fem!reader

✎ Requested by Anonymous: So.. would you be willing to write a VladimirxReader fic where the reader gets sick and he doesn’t really know what to do, not being the relationship-type, but she tells him what she needs and they end up having tender sex (because on the contrary to most sick!fics around, some people actually crave the physically closeness when they’re ill)?

✎ A/N: I’m a sucker for smut, you don’t even know how much. I’m also super allergic, so I really wish this were my reality when hell breaks loose haha I really hope you enjoy, sorry for the long wait! I’m also one of those people that crave the physical closeness, so you accidentally asked the right person haha

✎ Warnings: it’s 85% smut (oral f/r, squirting, vaginal sex), 18+ ONLY. If you’re also allergic to stuff and like Vladimir Ranskahov, this is probably the fic for you.

Word-count: 2,807

Vladimir is good at many things: there’s the mob, the accountability for his and his brother’s business, the killing, the torturing. On the more ‘normal’ side of things, there’s sex and an incredible taste for anything filmography-wise. He’s also a god at poker. But then, when it comes to taking care of someone else, everything crumbles to the ground: he panics, doesn’t know what to do, and eventually ends up staying at work long after closing time.

He’s trying to be a better person, though. So, when Y/N texts him that she’s not feeling great, he tells Tolya he’s going home to take care of his woman. The mere idea makes his bones shiver: he’s so not good at this. Give him a man to kill, to kidnap or to torture, and he’s all in for the fun. But give him someone he loves and top that with that person feeling sick, and he’s suddenly retreating.

But this time he reminds himself he’s trying to be better. So, on the ride home, he buys her flowers and a box of chocolate, one of those where the chocolate is filled with liquor because he knows they always cheer her (and him) up.

He parks the car in the garage and, for a second, he wonders how the hell he’s going to help her. Vladimir doesn’t even know if she’s going to need pills and what kind of pills because his go-to remedy for literally anything is a shot of vodka and a packet of cigarettes. But Y/N is not him and it scares the crap out of him.

When he walks up the flight of stairs that lead to the living room, he pep-talks himself. It’s all going to be fine. She’s going to tell him what she needs and he’s going to obey her orders. There’s nothing to be scared of and nothing to be anxious about. It’s just some flu, he thinks, or that time of the month.

The living room is silent and tidy. From what he can see from the top of the stairs that lead back down to the garage, the kitchen is empty, too. He’s making his way towards the bedrooms when he hears a cough and as he turns around, he sees Y/N blow her nose.

“Hey, doll.” He stands there awkwardly, the box of chocolate in one hand and the bouquet of flowers in the other and he suddenly regrets buying the latter. The urge to throw the bouquet against the wall and then stomp on it is strong, but he swallows it.

She groans, curling up better into the blanket, and he sees her frustration painted all over her face. Her eyes are teary, her nose is an angry red and her reddened lips are chapped.

It’s definitely not her period, he notes.

“What’s going on?” he asks as he places both the box of chocolate and the bouquet of flowers on the glass table of the living room.

He takes his shoes and jacket off as he reaches the couch and once he’s close enough, he sees the parquet littered with used tissues.

“Fucking allergy,” she mutters, grunting again as she sneezes four times in a row.

It takes him a while to understand those two words because her nose is closed and her voice is so angry that it can’t help but groan. He knows she hates it when that happens–also because it happens more often than they both like.

She goes on snorting, saying something about her antihistamines and how they do not work how they’re supposed to. Or it’s just her fucked-up allergy in her fucked-up life. No one will ever know. She just knows that now the nightmare is striking and she’d rather cut her hands off than live through it.

Vladimir chuckles lowly as he moves her to sit down behind her, her back against his chest. She feels hot against him even with the blanket between them and it’s not because he finds her hot.

“Have you got fever?” he inquires as he draws her closer, his legs caging her between them.

“No.” Her answer is a grunt and before he has the time to react to that word, she sneezes again and he passes her the box of tissues that sits on the coffee table.

“Do you need some pill?” The only thing he’s allergic to is cat fur, so it’s easy to stay away from that and he’s never battling with his allergy. But hers is a little more complicated and he never knows what to do. Somehow, it’s even worse than flu–because he at least has the little knowledge needed to deal with it.

Y/N shakes her head ‘no’ as she blows her nose before throwing the tissue to the ground.

They lie there in silence for a while and the only sounds in the room are the clock ticking and Y/N’s labored breathing. She has her forehead pressed against the side of his neck and her skin is boiling; her dry lips are parted and the top one brushes against his skin with every breath he takes.

It takes her a while, but she gets up into a sitting position before he can stop her and she throws the blanket away.

“I’m boiling,” she mumbles as she lies back down against him.

Vladimir hums and engulfs her in his embrace, her head tucked under his chin.

“You need anything?” he wonders after a while when she squirms in frustration.

She takes her time to answer, most of all because another set of sneezes catches her off-guard. She groans as she blows her nose for the millionth time today, but then she looks up at him and kisses his chin. “Eat me out,” she answers.

At first, he thinks she’s joking and so he chuckles, but when he notices she’s serious, he almost gasps. If he thinks about it, this is the first time she ever told him to eat her out and to say that it doesn’t arouse him would be a fat lie. “But you’re sick?”

“It’s just allergy,” she manages to answer before sneezing again. “Please, I really need you.” She nibbles at his earlobe and he knows she’s just wrapped him around her finger tighter than before.

Vladimir groans as something stirs in the pit of his stomach. His hands twitch before he grabs her head and kisses her deeply, her chapped lips scratching his. It takes him a while to remember she has to breathe, that she can’t do it from her nose.

But it’s as though she doesn’t exactly care: she inhales deeply and goes on to kiss his jaw and his neck as she tears his shirt open. He tuts at her as buttons go flying in every direction and he’s quick to remove the shirt of her pajamas, just as he’s quick to flip their positions over. He’s hovering over her now, between her legs, and he’s littering her chest in kisses. She moans when his tongue flicks over one of her nipples and his fingers tease the other, his stubble deliciously scratching the skin of her burning chest. When he switches to suck her bud in his mouth, she arches against him and she fights to breathe.

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” He’s worried and she doesn’t miss the concern in his voice.

She nods furiously. “Please, I just… I’m okay, I just crave you.”

Vladimir needs no more encouragement: he switches to her other nipple, his tongue and teeth and mouth play with it until it gets impossibly hard and she squirms, tugging on his hair until he pulls up. And he smirks, grinding his hips against hers to let her feel how hard she always manages to get him.

“Fuck,” she manages to groan before she sneezes again.

Vladimir chuckles as he gets up on his knees. He towers above her as he takes off the jacket of his suit and his shirt and it’s as though her eyes are drinking him in. She stares up at him, her gaze wandering from his leather belt to his face, her lips are parted. He knows it’s because it’s her only way to keep breathing, but he can’t help but get hotter by the second under her scrutiny.

He bends over and his hands run up and down her sides, his thumbs teasing the soft skin of her breasts. His lips kiss from the dip of her collarbone all the way down to her bellybutton and all he can hear are her gasps as his ministrations tickle her.

It takes him a while before his fingers slip underneath the bands of her pants and panties and he takes his time leaving a hickey on her hip bone. Then she blows her nose, making him chuckle, and she whines when he doesn’t budge.

“C’mon,” she groans, wiggling under him.

“Patience.” He stares up at her, his gaze flying over the skin of her abdomen and the valley of her breasts and she stills. She still grunts though, but then the sound turns into a gasp when he suddenly rips her pants and underwear down her legs, taking her socks with them.

This time he’s the one drinking her in. His eyes roam up her legs as his hands run up her shins just to push her legs wider when they reach her knees. He bows down, his hands coming up her thighs to rest on her hips as he presses a kiss against her wet folds.

She gasps again, her neck arching both in surprise and the need to breathe. It’s a real fight: she has to remind her brain to remind her lungs to keep working even though her nose gave up on its job last night. And she knows that’s probably not her best idea, but she’s sick and she’s in pain and her allergies are driving her wild and all she wants is for her man to make love to her.

A moaned ‘Vladimir’ leaves her lips and he smiles against her. His tongue traces a wet stripe from her perineum up to her clit, pressing gently between her slick-covered labia. This time he groans when she moans and the additional vibrations have a shiver to run up her spine.

Her hips start to jerk up when she notices he’s taking his time and so he slips his arms under her thighs and drags her closer, so close there’s no room for movement and she’s pressed up against him, his face, his shoulders.

It’s a sweet but unbearable torture. He eats her out slowly and makes sure to be loud in his ministrations. He switches between kissing her to licking her to sucking hard on her clit, and he knows the effect his stubble has on her. He has to call her name a few times during the whole session because he knows she tends to get so caught up in the act that she forgets to breathe. Still, she can’t focus on anything when he pushes two fingers into her without warning and her brain goes blank when she clamps down hard on them. He groans out at the pressure and when he curls his fingers up to brush against her g-spot, he has to fight against her vagina squeezing them.

Even the pace of his fingers his slow and he makes sure she feels every second of it as the pressure he applies slowly intensifies, his mouth becoming more insistent on her clit.

Her stomach churns and twists as her lungs fight to work. She has one hand on her breast, squeezing it and tugging on her nipple while the other reaches down to rest on his head and it pushes him harder against her as her fingers fight to pull him back.

Vladimir doesn’t move. Even when he comes up a little to breathe, his tongue still flickers over her clit as his fingers slowly pick up their rhythm.

She calls his name, but it’s an aborted moan and it’s hard to hear a ‘Vladimir’ in that sound. He still gets the hint, though: she’s squeezing his fingers harder and his movements get more demanding. But when he takes her clit in his mouth again, there’s no more room for breathing. She comes, and she comes hard, and she squirts over his mouth and chin and hand. And it’s as though her walls are trying to suck his fingers in when he takes them out. He slowly licks her clean, his thumb gently circling her clit to let her ride out her orgasm. And when she finally comes down from her high, she takes in a deep and noisy breath.

Her body is still trembling when he finishes to undress and crawls up her body. He litters it in kisses once again and relishes in the way her chest quickly rises and falls, her hard nipples brushing against his chest with every breath she takes.

He doesn’t wait for her to recover. He pumps his cock a few times and he’s so hard it hurts. His lips trail down her neck to her breast as he aligns himself with her entrance. When he enters her slowly, she arches her neck and fights to keep breathing. He takes the occasion to kiss the column of her throat and as he does so, he pulls almost all the way out, just to then push in again. His movements are slow once again: he loves the feeling of her hot, wet pussy squeezing him to accommodate to his size, just as she loves the slow stretch his dick imposes to her muscles, moving back and forth and brushing against her most sensitive spots.

It’s like a slow race to orgasm and his hips roll against her. He slowly pushes all the way in until he bottoms out and his movements still for a second before he slowly pulls out until only the tip is sheathed.

He tilts her head back to make it easier for her to breathe and bends down to suck on the side of her neck, his chest pressing down against hers. A long, low moan leaves his lips as her walls clamp down on him harder when he hits a particular spot deep inside her and he has to still for a moment, his eyes closing of their own accord and his forehead resting against her shoulder.

At the same moment, her nails rake down his back until she is gripping his ass and pushing up to create more friction.

When he resumes his movements, he lifts his head to stare down at her and he smirks when he sees she’s already lost in her own world, her breath hissing out between her lips as she does her best to meet his thrusts. She’s a moaning mess under him and he can’t help himself but peck her lips in a quick kiss before he has to move away. He groans out when she sneezes: her cunt squeezes him tighter and he almost loses it, he almost comes. And even though he manages to hold back, he knows he’s almost there.

He pulls back until he’s on his knees. He sets her legs over his shoulders until her heels rest on his back and picks up his pace, thrusting into her with more force. It takes her a couple of seconds of his thumb working on her clit for her to come again and this time, when the pressure around his dick intensifies, Vladimir doesn’t hold back. He thrusts into her one last time, his hips smacking almost painfully against hers, and then he’s lost. He barely registers his arms moving her legs from his shoulders because he’s already falling forward, his eyes screwed shut, his hips still thrusting into her as his orgasm makes his body shiver and tense.

It takes them both more than usual to come back down to earth and when they both open their eyes, Vladimir is resting on Y/N’s chest and her hands are absentmindedly waving through his spiky hair.

She sneezes one last time and the action caused her to clamp down on him again. He hisses, half in pain and half in pleasure, and he slips his softening cock out of her, both their fluids trickling out with the movement.

“God, thank you,” she mutters, stretching out to grab a clean tissue to blow her nose.

Vladimir chuckles but doesn’t move. Somehow, he doesn’t have enough strength to get up from that position and so he lies there, staring at her nipple, his hand caressing the underside of the boob.

Had he known she craved him that much when she was sick–he thinks–he would have skipped work days a lot sooner.

Your girl needs to calm her hormones. Let me know how you liked this, feedback is always super appreciated :)

TAGS (to be added/removed shoot me an ask) (if you want to be tagged as ‘Bratva’ or don’t want to anymore, tell me via the ask box)

Everything: @idhrenniel @saibh29 @fuckthatfeeling @aya-fay @pebblesz892 @toomanyfandoms96 @mblaqgi

Bratva (buddies that might be interested in the specific story): @sweetvengeancee @theranskahovs ( @brobachev ?)

[pressplayhq]

PRESSPLAY STARTER MEME #1

hit like and i’ll generate a RANDOM NUMBER (1-120), then use the corresponding quote as a starter. warning: some swears and adult content.

1. " a pink frosted donut? what are you, six? " 2. " nothing fixes bad times like good food. " 3. " what other people think of me is none of my business. " 4. " yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more! " 5. " start with the letter n. the letter o. period. " 6. " the best revenge is to just do better. " 7. " oh, i'm very normal. i've had everything normal happen to me. " 8. " i aim to misbehave. " 9. " it's easy to bond over hating something together. " 10. " this will either be fun or terrible. " 11. " i'm always right. except when i'm wrong. which is often. " 12. " don't come back without cake. " 13. " everyone in the world is having sex right now. except for us. " 14. " so, how much trouble are we in? " 15. " don't give up. not ever. not for a single day. " 16. " i'm probably fine, but i also might be dead. " 17. " my body is about seventy-five percent caffeine. " 18. " everyone wants to be us. " 19. " are you trying to call me pretty? " 20. " when you speak my brain gets angry. " 21. " do i regret it? yes. would i do it again? probably. " 22. " please just leave me alone. " 23. " i'm so cute! look how cute i am! " 24. " i wanna hug you and slap you at the same time. " 25. " do you want me to pinky swear? " 26. " i was so worried, i ate a whole cake! " 27. " were you dropped on your head as a child or were you just born stupid? " 28. " don't believe everything you hear, unless it's really good. then it's true. " 29. " time can heal a broken heart, just like time can heal his broken arms and legs. " 30. " that is a hell of a thing for you to say to me! " 31. " don't hate me for this, okay? " 32. " mister, you don't know who you're dealing with. " 33. " try not giving a fuck. there's a lot of power in that. " 34. " i'm sorry, is that a flirtation? " 35. " you don't win friends with salad. " 36. " this is who i am. if you don't like it, you can go fuck yourself. " 37. " who cares? i'm awesome. " 38. " you're only allowed to bring one stuffed animal?! " 39. " i need money for real stuff. like candy. " 40. " i'm pretty impressed, but... not that impressed. " 41. " your tone seems very pointed right now. " 42. " my good looks are ruining people's lives! " 43. " i'm not scared. i've already lived longer than expected. " 44. " don't go around pretending that's a word everybody knows. " 45. " a hug can turn your whole day around! " 46. " i excel at not giving a shit. " 47. " i have dreams. and sometimes, in those dreams... bad things happen to you. " 48. " i can't sleep in my room. i saw a spider in there! " 49. " i'm in the mood for chaos. " 50. " who's not for chocolate? everybody at least tolerates it. " 51. " i will either find a way or make one. " 52. " hey, my mom says i'm cool! " 53. " a person who envies me is a person who needs help. " 54. " oh, it's okay. i guess i wasn't meant to have a good life. " 55. " you don't love people with hopes of a reward. you just love them. " 56. " i believe 'being an ass' is the technical term for that. " 57. " oh, i wish i could be a cat. " 58. " i have way too many things to do today! go home, get food, finish my book..." 59. " i'm gonna eat all the cake on earth! " 60. " i know what true love feels like... and i wish i didn't. " 61. " i'm hilarious, beautiful, talented, and humble. " 62. " if you pay me, i'll be there. " 63. " lets give a big, warm welcome to sadness. " 64. " someone's gonna end up crying. probably me. " 65. " i like weird. no, i love weird! i bask in the glow of weird! " 66. " pretending to be polite is so exhausting. " 67. " hm, this is a problem. have you considered running away from it? " 68. " would you be terribly upset if i threw up in one of your shoes? " 69. " the party lasted all night... and honestly, i can't remember most of it. " 70. " i have done nothing all day except eat chips and stare off into space. what is my life? " 71. “ you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity. ” 72. “ sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things. ” 73. “ you’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you? ” 74. “ it’s dangerous to go alone, take this. ” 75. “ you sit on a throne of lies. ” 76. “ kids like you should be burning in hell. ” 77. “ a heart can be broken but it keeps on beating just the same. ” 78. “ are you a politican or does lying just run in your family? ” 79. “ i wonder how many times each day she dies a little. ” 80. “ someone needs to push the reset button on this planet. ” 81. “ just because you’re funny doesn’t mean you get to be cruel. ” 82. “ how do you accidentally have sex with someone?! ” 83. “ yep, shouldn’t have said that. regretted it immediately. ” 84. “ tact is just not saying true stuff. i’ll pass. ” 85. “ that is so romantic. it disgusts me. ” 86. “ i’ll be in the kitchen rationalizing my panic attack. " 87. ” i’m going to say this as politely as possible: i will fuck you up. “ 88. ” clearly you don’t understand anything about defeating trolls. “ 89. ” i’m sorry, is that a flirtation? “ 90. ” quick question: what the heck is going on? “ 91. ” a queen is never late. everyone else is simply early. “ 92. ” i’m not okay. i just decided being sad is a waste of time. “ 93. ” when i’m upset i eat. when i’m happy i eat. “ 94. ” seize the day. because tomorrow, you might be dead. “ 95. ” i feel like doing something stupid. “ 96. ” i know what you’re thinking: birth is a curse and existence is a prison. “ 97. ” i don’t believe in dibs. or love at first sight. or love. or best friends. or doing things. “ 98. ” i’ve been drinking. i mean, thinking! “ 99. ” you’re tacky and i hate you. “ 100. ” i’m sorry, i’m uncomfortable with emotions. “ 101. ” sweets, you couldn’t ignore me if you tried. “ 102. ” i don’t have regrets. only fun. “ 103. ” what is this feeling i’m feeling right now? it’s like i’m sad for another person… is that a thing? “ 104. ” well don’t you look like a virgin sacrifice? “ 105. ” nobody exists on purpose. nobody belongs anywhere. everybody’s gonna die. “ 106. ” why didn’t i just stay home where it’s nice and quiet and nothing ever happens? “ 107. ” if you need anything from me, reconsider. “ 108. ” if you’re not scared then you’re not taking a chance. and if you’re not taking a chance, what are you doing? “ 109. ” a wizard is never late, nor is he early. he arrives precisely when he means to. “ 110. “ i was hiding under your porch because i love you. “ 111. “ i’m a damsel. i’m in distress. i can handle this. “ 112. “ welcome to the real world. it sucks! you’re gonna love it. “ 113. “ i drink and i know things. “ 114. “ i’ll sit down, but i’m sitting because i want to. “ 115. “ there’s cake?! i’m on my way! “ 116. “ my dear, i’ve kicked more ass than you’ve sat on. “ 117. " what doesn't kill me better watch out. " 118. " i don't hate you, i just hate everything you like! " 119. " happiness is not having to set the alarm for the next day. " 120. " some people just need a high five. "

[eldritchsurveys]

o86.

Who is that last person who harassed and annoyed you? >> I don’t remember. Who is the last person who made you feel hurt? >> Sparrow called Snape an incel the other day and I was so hurt lmfao What was the last thing you were worried about? >> Just minor things, like whether my debit card replacement will get here today or not (today’s rent day, so, like... it’d really better be in that mailbox when I go check in a half hour...). Are you worried about anyone now? >> No. Is your house/room a mess? >> My room is in a pretty solid state of disarray. I kind of gave up on it for several reasons. The rest of the apartment is in various stages of disarray simply because there’s a lot of stuff in it and not a lot of space for it. (This is part of the reason I don’t like having a whole lot of belongings; 85% of the stuff in this apartment is technically Sparrow’s. Imagine if I also had as much stuff as she did... we’d be buried.)

What was the last magazine you read and enjoyed? >> Game Informer. What time of day feels the most magical to you? >> Honestly, all times of day have different magical feelings. It also depends on weather conditions, time of year, my state of consciousness... Who are you jealous of? >> I’m not jealous of anyone, not consistently. What is the last physical ailment you took medication for? >> Cramps. Do you get motion sickness? >> Not usually. When I was living in NYC I would sometimes get vaguely motion-sick on long bus rides upstate, because I’d grown unused to being in vehicles that long. But it wasn’t ever anything serious and it usually faded away on its own. Oh, and one time I got on this stupid fucking ride at Coney Island that made me feel vaguely awful for the rest of the day, lmao. Shook up my equilibrium or whatever. If you are a youtuber, are you behind on posting videos? >> I’m not a youtuber. Who is a great youtuber you have recently discovered? >> I don’t pay attention to specific youtubers all that much, except for like... EpicNameBro, because he makes the lore-heavy Soulsborne playthroughs that I watch.  What color is your bathrobe? >> Royal blue and black (it’s a Ravenclaw bathrobe). Do you hate taking showers? >> I really do, currently, because the bathroom situation is not ideal for me (it’s way too small, there’s no proper ventilation, I never think it’s clean enough -- even though it... like, is, I’m sure, since Sparrow cleans the bathrooms every weekend; I’m just fucking insane). I’d probably enjoy showers a lot more if I had an ideal bathroom. Also, what’s really funny is that I didn’t have these problems when we first moved in. I don’t know what happened.  Do you still have your Easter decorations up? >> We don’t put those up in the first place. Neither of us celebrate Easter aside from going to the holiday service at the church. Does your head hurt right now? >> No. What is a great pain reliever? >> A dissociative hallucinogenic. Are you keeping a secret from anyone? >> No. Do you have feelings for anyone who doesn’t reciprocate them? >> I don’t think exactly-reciprocated feelings are reasonable to expect, from my standpoint anyway. Even two people who love each other are going to feel and understand that love differently. But that’s a semantic answer, I guess. Either way, the answer to the question remains “I don’t know, maybe?” I don’t know everyone’s feelings about me, after all. Is your hair wet right now? >> No. What year do you miss? >> I don’t miss a year. Would you rather be a contortionist or cartoonist? >> A cartoonist. Do you prefer singing or dancing? >> Singing, I guess, by a small margin. Is your handwriting neat? >> It’s a little wonky from disuse, but it’s usually legible. What Olympic sport do you wish you could participate in? >> I really don’t want to do that. Have you ever dreamt of being a famous athlete? >> Not at all. Do you have a rich friend that you’re jealous of? >> I don’t have any rich friends at all. Are you interested in a guy who has a girlfriend? >> No. Do most of the guys who like you annoy you? >> No. Name one guy who has a crush on you right now. >> ???? Who was your first celebrity crush? >> Matt Damon. What musical do you think you could play the lead in? >> I don’t think I could play the lead in any of them, but I’d love to just be a part of the experience for some of them (like Sweeney Todd, or Phantom of the Opera -- or, of course, Repo! the Genetic Opera, my favourite <3). Do you live in a mansion? >> Hell no. What medical conditions do you have? >> None that I’m aware of. How many phones have you had? >> Like, a brazillion. Do you wear leggings often? >> Nope. They make my legs itch, usually. Do you think Lularoe is a scam? >> Sure. All that multi-level marketing pyramid scheme bullshit is bullshit. Do you own any Lularoe products? >> Nope. Sparrow does because her sister was selling it for a while. She has a pair of leggings with a pattern of popcorn boxes on it, lmao. Do you sell any products? If so, what do you sell? >> Nope. Do you believe “It Works” is a scam? >> Yup. Are you waiting on a package to arrive? >> No, just my damn fucking debit card. What was the last thing you ordered online? >> I don’t remember. Are you responsible with money? >> I suppose. Are you responsible in general? >> Responsible enough that any irresponsible impulses I indulge usually don’t cause any lasting damage. Would you consider yourself mature? >> I really don’t care about whether I’m mature or not. Do you have any sunspots? >> No. What color was your locker in high school? >> I think they were all just... that metallic grey colour. Can you reach your ceiling? >> Not unless I’m standing on something. Do you have a reading nook? >> Nope, but I’d like that. Do you like to build blanket forts? >> I’ve never built one. :< Who is the cutest baby you know? >> lmao Hallie said he’s the cutest baby he knows, so I guess he’s the cutest baby I know by proxy. (I also know an actual toddler named Edward who’s pretty cute. He’s a tiny Sith lord.) Which celebrity have you been told you look like? >> Grace Jones and Harold Perrineau are the two celebrities I’ve been compared to, both of which are extremely flattering comparisons in my opinion. Do you use a nightlight? >> No. --I do have that moon lamp, though! I should see if that would be nice to have on at night. *chin tap* Do you feel alone? >> Sometimes, sure. If you’re in school, do you feel safe there? >> --- Do you ever cry in public or do you hold it in until you get home? >> I’ve cried in public before, especially because like... when you live in NYC there’s literally no such thing as privacy anyway. Might as well just get over it.

[witchyinthekitchen]

This is a Vent Post about my Mother, Please do not reblog

This post is probably gunna be all over the place/time with things that I can remember/recall so bear with me here.

-Being told to make my own food bc mom was too busy with brand new baby (I was between 5-6 so poptarts were about all i could manage. I'd asked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.) (my brother was a VERY finniky baby. If you weren't holding him he'd scream till his face went purple.))

-Tried to share interests in Anime/manga with her, when I asked her what she felt about it she said she couldn’t get into it and that it felt like a chore. (13-15 ish)

-Told her I needed therapy bc I was having suicidal thoughts. She took me, but then took me out once I started getting upset about the things i’d been talking about in therapy with my therapist because I'd come home in a bad mood.(15-16 ish)

-Went to Mother Daughter Group Therapy with her (there were other mother daughter combos) and she stormed out in the middle of it saying that we were only attacking her and not my dad too. (was 15-16 ish)

-Got into an argument about who i was voting for in the 2016 election while on vacation at Disney World (Hint it wasn't Trump like she wanted)(24 ish)

-Tried to gaslight me about trying to get everyone together to talk wedding stuff saying how she tried but that it all fell apart. (I have texts of her canceling it the day before we were all supposed to get together.)(26)

-Gets super defensive/upset any time I talk about “other mothers” in my life (MIL, BM)

-Has been super hot and cold with me during wedding planning and making passive aggressive comments about everything: Tell him to buy new pants for the engagement shoot 'bc I dont want him wearing baggy clothes -SO's Lost over 20lbs+ for the wedding and i'm so fuckin proud of him- “I don’t want to pay for hard alcohol for SO and his friends to drink at the wedding.” As if ½ the people invited weren’t all just her friends? ((All our friends live out of state/country so half the wedding is family and HER friends/neighbors.)) "I’m sure H*(SIL) and K*(MIL) have good counsel for you on _____," (Why would you say this when i'm asking for YOUR opinion? If i wanted their opinion i'd ask them.)

-4 months before the wedding she’s trying to talk me out of my venue saying we need to go look at the ones SO and MIL had suggested.

-Wants me to keep (BM)'s relation to me a secret even though i’m pretty sure 85% of the people who know me and are coming to my wedding know i'm adopted.

-Angry that I was moving out of the house at 21 with my SO she told his mother she hoped we’d fail. (In her defense she'd just been diagnosed with breast cancer and I'd done poorly in my last semester of college so parents thought it would be a good idea to take me out of college for a semester so i could live at home and basically be at my moms beck and call while also being expected to work 2 jobs (they'd told me the instant that the semester was over that i was expected to work 2 jobs) -That's at least how I was viewing that whole situation before I moved out- )

-As a kid I remember wanting to run away a lot. (Never away to a friends house but always to a park to live under a bridge like the goblin I am (lol)) (is it obvious I use self depreciating humor to get through things that I'm uncomfortable with? haha)

-I'd always hide things from her, even small things like a puzzle book i'd bought myself from the elementary school book fairs. i even began writing my diaries in code so she couldn't read them. Not that i ever caught her reading my diaries or what not but thats how afraid i was.

-The only things that stopped me from killing myself was the distressing thought that my mother would be more upset with blood on the floor than me being gone. (It was a constant worry of mine when I was having ideations.)

-When i was getting close to graduating high school the librarians told me they had a bunch of excess old books they were getting rid of and one of them happened to be the "Toxic Parents" book i've seen several other posts refer to. I took no other books besides that one. I hid that from her too. Looking back through it i remember there was a checklist in the book and i'd filled some of it out when i was younger. I most definitely am a people pleaser.

-We've never really been able to "talk" about things together like how my dad and i do and i think she's really jealous about it.

-The only way I feel comfortable talking to her is Via Email/Text because then that way i have a copy of all the things she's said. because i often forget things. (I honestly don't know how bad my memory is or if its gaslighting but i hope its just me being forgetful and not the latter...)

-I literally cannot let my SO do the dishes because my Mom would always do the dishes/clean when she was mad and bang pots around loudly and just even those sounds set me on edge.

-Her telling me that the careers i wanted to get into (IE: the Arts/Theater/Music) wouldn't make enough money and that they'd be fine as Hobbies but not as careers.

-She's continually trying to push me into a Customer Service Job because i'm so good at making other people happy. (talked to dad about this and he says i'm a very big people pleaser who doesn't like conflicts -cue nervous laughter about wedding planning-)

-Being around her for long periods of time is so physically/emotionally draining. I know that's probably a result of always being on edge with her and I always feel bad that I feel that way.

-Because she's said she hoped I'd fail (me and my So when I first moved out) I'm terrified of telling her anything personal going on in my life for fear that she'd take it out on me or use it against me (i got super anxious/scared when she came up to see me on my end of town once because we'd be stopping at the mall where i used to work and i hadn't yet told her that I'd quit that job.)

-I want to have a relationship with her. I want us to do fun Mom& Daughter things but at the same time I'm scared of letting her get too close to me again just to have it fall apart again.

-When I moved out (21) i went VLC with my whole family before i even knew what VLC was. I barely saw them (except for certain holidays/events.) I didn't talk to my dad for about 3 years because of this and am just now recovering that relationship with him (been 5 years now since I moved out)

-After I get married my plan is to move to CO. During that time i don't remember if my mom has mentioned if she'd miss me, but i do recall she has made multiple points to tell me that my dad says he would miss me.

-I had to beg for a 16th Birthday Party. She finally caved half a year later after I'd talked to my Therapist about it.

-pretty sure i'm the SG of the family (possibly Cousin 1 being the GC because she went to same University my mom did)

-Other family members on her side have stepped in to provide financial help to me on the promise that i wouldn't tell anyone. (probably to stop any gossip of favoritism)

I Don't know if she's an N or just really bad at expressing herself but her hot and cold attitude really sets off my anxiety that i've done something to piss her off and that she won't talk to me about it for a few weeks and then acts as though nothing is wrong/nothing happened. Planning my wedding is the MOST contact we've had in 5 years since i moved out and went VLC and i've been trying to use this as a way to bond with her better but anytime i think i'm getting somewhere Something happens and she's upset again. A phrase i've found myself come into saying recently is "I can't fix something that I don't know is wrong." So i've tried to take that approach when it comes to her. I know she's an adult and can choose for herself if she wants to talk about whats on her mind. I can't force her to talk if she doesn't want to but the anxiety it causes when she gets into these moods is really debilitating. I'm terrible at letting things go (especially if i think its my fault)

I'm Not Her Therapist, but if she has an issue with me I wish she'd just tell me instead of the Silent treatment for a week.

Trigger Topics that I've learned to Avoid at All Costs:

Anything about "Other Mothers" in my life.

Politics & Racism

Anything in the Past that happened.

My moving out

Anything that paints her as a "Bad Mother"(aka this whole post probably)

This post is a mess and I'm rambling. Thanks for sticking through this Brain Dump while I process. 

-Edit 2:

More things i'm recalling: For Christmas one year in front of my whole family (I was between 8-10 ish) she got me a set of underwear with the days of the week labeled on them and told me in front of everyone that "Maybe this would help me remember [to change my underwear daily]..."

One of my final years in high school I somehow managed to get a Cold Sore. My First Cold Sore ever and my lip where it broke out swelled up HUGE. I woke up the day it appeared ( a weekend thank the gods) and horrified went downstairs to tell my mom about it. I don't recall any words of sympathy other than "Cold Sores are caused by Herpes." I just remember breaking down into tears.

I mapped out a "Quiet Walking Path" that avoided all the creaky floorboards and steps in our house.

I get extremely anxious whenever I would hear my parents footsteps coming up the stairs. It got to the point that I could distinguish their steps on Carpet.

I jump/flinch (visibly) at loud noises, even if I know they are coming (movies songs ect.)

Routinely friended/unfriended me on Facebook before deleting it entirely (due to 2018 spying/hacking allegations)

I don't know if she means for these things to be hurtful but as someone who doesn't enjoy confrontation and is extremely sensitive to others feelings it just hurts y'know?

-edit 3: Attempted to talk to mom about her saying she hoped we'd fail via email. went about as well as expected. =Well, that clears a lot of things up. We only wanted you to be independent and happy, and it appears you are. End of story!

And for what it’s worth, I’ve said a LOT of things over the past 6 years that you didn’t hear about. And I’m not really sure where you heard “I hope they fail.” But I’m sure your source is 100%, and certainly not something you’d want to clarify with me.

I hope you got your apartment all squared away in Colorado. You should be under the 60-day notice by now! Woo hoo!

Let me know when you all are coming to get your stuff out of the house.

I’ll have it packed and ready for you.

-Mom

Am i reading into this too much? because it sounds like she's being hella passive aggressive about this.

-Edit 4: 7-19-18 Been venting about wedding planning being stressful on fb away from my mom since she doesn't have one anymore. I didn't realize she had fms reporting to her about my posts as she just randomly mentions via text that she wants to help me have fun while planning and that she wishes she could make it a happy time for me.

Edit 5: 9-26-18 Wedding is over finally. had our honeymoon and got moved out of our apartment back into my MIL's house. During the move we had to put all of our stuff into storage which includes Wedding gifts and thankyou notes. So Mom has been hounding me about getting them done and i've informed her several times that all of that is in storage and i havent been able to yet. She said not an excuse go buy more thankyou notes and write them all. I asked if Emailing a thank you would work, she says no must be hand written and mailed out (also who's paying for 100+ stamps: Me) Well Tonight she informs me that she's doing all the ones from her/my side and that she doesn't care if we do them for DH's side since SIL didn't send any thank you notes either. Cue big long talk with DH about all of this and he says not to worry about her being passive aggressive like this. Go and check my Email to find she sent an Email to me only with writing saying

"Dear all,

Thank you so much for attending --- wedding. Your presence was so important to me, and I know to the kids as well. Thank you also for the lovely wedding gifts you sent or brought. I know they are appreciated and will be enjoyed by the newlyweds. It was very kind and generous of you!

Unfortunately, --- is unable to send thank you notes, but I did want you to know that your gifts, and your presence at the celebration, were very important to all of us, and very much appreciated.

Fondly,

MOM"

currently I'm choosing not to respond and I wonder how our relationship is going to be going forward from all of this... I was so happy that the wedding was over so i wouldn't have to deal with this petty drama bullshit anymore but I guess thats just too much to ask for.

-She's also unfriended me on facebook again. I'm tempted to just block her to stop this wishy washy stuff from happening again.

[orrtala]

Don't take this the wrong way but you watched Camp Camp and the mere thought you could have just livrblogged it makes me kinda sad.

Iwouldn’t have liveblogged Camp Camp anyway; this blog is meant for cartoonsthat are children-friendly. Well, mostly children-friendly. And CC isnot children-friendly at any point sans maybe the animation stylewhich I personally really love. Also with my weird eye phobia I don’tthink I’d be able to keep making screenshot through that long eyescream scene you know the one.

Butif you’re really interested under the cut I put my thoughts thattranspired during my watch - well as much as I remember them. Beware of spoilers, obviously.

Iwas internally screaming at Max’s parents since first episode and hislack of confirmation what was he going to do after escape just mademy suspicions grow. And I’m pretty sure 85% of the liveblog thatnever happened would be just being mad at them and few other parentsas well.

YesI’ve noticed Max’s camp wasn’t talked about although I did entertainthe idea that he might have had knitting camp given the dolls andDavid’s comments. But still it wasn’t presented to newcomers andhonestly how David did not know the truth through all this time?Unless Max talked him out of checking his papers but also he wasapparently here at least second year (both David and Max separatelymention a kid from previous summer holidays in later episode) soshouldn’t a freaking counselor know about his kid’s activities? Plothole for the sake of revelations, I guess.

WhileDavid was annoyed and worried about children escaping in the firstepisode he ultimately kept happy face on and told Max he was proudabout the knitting thing. First time we can see him slightly losingit was rather early though, because in second episode he got angryfor few seconds. No wonder, just lost a mascot and heard that the it was supposed to get rid of him instead. And yet hequickly got back into his happy persona, Mhmmmmmmm, the S1 finalerevelation in nutshell.

Thatwhole sequence with Quartermaster and squirrels made me laugh way toohard.

“That’swhy I’m here” okay Harrison, what exactly you made disappear? CueS2 finale. …Oh.

Ofcourse they would give Dante Basco a character with honor, even if,ah, twisted (honestly who would like to be a woodscout anyway.)

Tabiiis more artistically inclined than Sasha and Erin if her drawing andpillow are any indication.

Binarysale is a great joke why was it on the screen for half a second again?

I knew the point of David’s character, but. That S1 finale still hit pretty hard. Camp Camp can get pretty serious when it wants to.

Guyfrom electronic shop apparently is looking for Neil if newspaperarticle is any indication. But he was in jury two episodes earlierand saw the kid so how did he not find him yet?

Also missing wolf and missing child. Uh, child-werewolf and they wanted to cover all their bases? Overreading mode is on!

Forsomeone so untrustworthy of adults Max has shown a lot of trust inDavid by going into the sauna. Or, errr, at least put a lot of trustin his fears and love of Camp Campbell. But progress, I guess.

WhyDaniel didn’t blink through the whole episode I’m scared.

I’m so in love with the camp song-off you have no idea.

…Man that Quartermaster episode.

I honestly find it hilarious how David ran to Max for help. “Listen it’s the most messed up situation we ever had, help me ten year old boy!”

Also Quartermaster shack had a lot of background stuff that was neat and…And…

…I could really use bleach after Quartermaster episode.

Listen, David, I love you, and I know you weren’t looking at it this way, and violence in this show is rather prominent (kid fights grown-up woman, kids fight with drug cartel members,) but you just beat up black man. Not sure if there was supposed to be a commentary how easy it is for white people to get of it or not but still.

Ofcourse Max was particularly vicious towards Gwen in her episode; helost his trusted possession partly thanks to not her intervening.Granted blackmailing person with anxiety who hates her life was alittle too much but then again it’s Max and it’s Camp Camp we’re talking about.

ManI felt like punching pretty much everyone’s’ caretakers in there or atleast shaking them a little. Except Nerris’ and Ered’s parents andPreston’s grandma. And I guess I wouldn’t punch Buzz even if, youknow, he doesn’t beat women.

That hug at the end of Christmas Special really got me because Neil is smiling the whole time but Max is genuinely surprised and only lets himself smile fondly looking away at later point. My? Heart? CC apparently decided I don’t need it?

Also some thoughts about next season(s) and general stuff:

Maxnot being annoyed by David in S2 as much as he was in S1 was rathersubtle, but noticeable change. I’m guessing David’s attitude towardsMax will change as well, he’ll stop trying to make him happy byinsisting he should be and will go for more natural approach. Youcan’t fight pessimism with optimism, you fight it by being there forpeople. And with pizza, there’s always pizza.

Jasperis going to be major plot point. Ghost of the boy who knew David as akid stuck on the island and apparently no one knows where his bodyis? Let the child rest. The only thing I’m not sure about if theheroes will learn the truth, if David will even get to meet Jasper,or will they solve the problem by accident. Maybe a mix of bothbecause knowing this show it’s possible.

Ilove observing body language in this show, everyone has their thing;Max is guarded and spends most of the time with hands hidden inhoodie pocket, Gwen is usually tired and Done, David just moves with his whole body “Well theeeeeen kids” *hands on hips and sways around* 

I like how kids, while not a unit as it once was, wear yellow shirts, just with their personal additions. They are still campers and they are in this together.

Igot really used to Voltron treating its characters with respect (yesthey do treat them with respect fight me @vld fandom) but with Camp Camp Ikind of knew it’s a comedy show, I didn’t expect much. And I waspleasantly surprised with the care they have for show’s characterseven if it’s not perfect – but, again, it’s primarily a comedy witha lot of dark humor.

Woodscouts trio has a kid with an eyepatch, Flower Scouts trio has kid with an eyepatch - show, please, leave my main children alone.

Learninga theme song in its entirety is a new goal for me. Wish me luck.

[your-dietician]

Inside the journey of Notre Dame's David Adams and life after football

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/ncaa-football/inside-the-journey-of-notre-dames-david-adams-and-life-after-football/

Inside the journey of Notre Dame's David Adams and life after football

The magic is in his story now, in the climb that couldn’t reignite the smothered dream but perhaps launched something even better.

Even if it looks and feels like limbo at the moment.

Four months in the NCAA transfer portal for former Notre Dame linebacker David Adams produced curiosity from three Power 5 schools and slightly more than that from roughly half the schools in the Mid-American Conference and a handful of programs from the FCS.

During that same stretch, he also muscled up impressively, completed his final 10 hours of coursework for his ND degree in business as an Econ major and contracted COVID-19 twice in a 90-day span — the reinfection in April serious enough to send Adams to the hospital twice.

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A litany of injuries that coaxed Adams to accept a medical disqualification at the end of his freshman year, before he could ever take a snap in a college game, was also the lingering reality that ended the comeback and prompted Adams to remove himself from the portal without a landing spot on June 14.

The original inventory of ailments Adams brought with him from Pittsburgh Central Catholic High included multiple concussions, a torn labrum of each shoulder, a torn elbow ligament, a torn medial collateral ligament in his knee, cracked knee cartilage, a knee hyperextension that required surgery, patellar tendinitis and four broken fingers.

That doesn’t count breaking both ankles during his AAU basketball days.

“I both wanted to try the comeback and needed to do it,” Adams said. “Wanted to, because I love football. I love the game. I love making tackles. I love playing defense.

“I needed to, because whether it was actually going to happen or it wasn’t, I’d get closure on this chapter in my life. If it didn’t work out, I’d get closure at the very least.”

What comes next is what the 4-for-40 mantra that Notre Dame bakes into its recruiting pitch really looks like in the real world in real time.

The gift in Adams having it thrust upon him at age 20 and reinforced at age 23 is his reaction to it.

The uncertainty of tomorrow doesn’t bother him, because the resolve and ambition that have been building inside of him are being channeled this summer into something truly inspiring.

“I’ve been stuttering my entire life,” Adams said. “Before I go looking for a job, I’m giving it my full attention. I’ve never had the time to do that before. I have it now and the belief I can overcome it.

“That’s my No. 1 focus right now. Well, that and my golf game.”

He’s working with Arthur Joseph, a renowned author, teacher, communication strategist and voice coach.

“I know it’s not going to go away overnight,” Adams said. “I’m just hoping I’m going to gain some more control for now. 

“There’s a lot of people who have had it. Joe Biden. Tiger Woods had a stutter. Shaquille O’Neal had a stutter. He told stories about when he was in school, where he’d be called on to read and he couldn’t get any of his words out, and everyone would just laugh at him.

“I know how that feels. I also know it can be overcome. It’s time to give it everything I have.”

What might have been

On a November Friday night in 2015, with a road game at Pitt set for the next day, Notre Dame head coach Brian Kelly and four assistant coaches clustered on the sideline to be seen at — every bit as much as to see — Pittsburgh Central Catholic’s WPIAL Class AAAA home playoff game with Upper St. Clair.

The targets of their efforts were Adams, at the time a junior and ranked as one of the top five linebackers nationally by Rivals and third by 247Sports, and senior defensive back Damar Hamlin, who’d eventually land at Pitt. 

Emerging as another player of interest following the 49-0 romp by PCC was an unheralded three-star defensive lineman named Kurt Hinish.

To put in perspective of what an ascending prospect Adams was at the time, the Irish allocated just one assistant — then-QBs coach Mike Sanford — to venture 20 miles north to Pine-Richland High School that same night to scout a vaunted sophomore QB named Phil Jurkovec, to whom the Irish offered a scholarship the very next day.

Adams verbally committed to the Irish the following March, and Hinish two days later. 

“I love my hometown, but I wanted to get out of my box,” Adams said. “I wanted to take the hard road. I wanted to challenge myself athletically and academically. I wanted to grow as a person.

“I had never been to Indiana until I took a visit there. I didn’t even know … I just heard it was a bunch of cornfields.

“And it is a bunch of cornfields — and so much more.”

In the fall of 2016, though, Adams’ preferred hard road took on added and unwelcome dimensions. The injuries began to accrue during his high school senior season, and he played right through them and the pain that came with them.

He did so to the point where Pittsburgh Steelers head orthopedic surgeon Dr. James Bradley, upon examining Adams, said that he had been misdiagnosed and that one of his shoulders was actually “hanging by a thread.”

The consensus top 100 prospect nationally, unsurprisingly, began to fade in the recruiting rankings. By the time he signed with the Irish in February of 2017, Adams was a three-star prospect.

By the time he enrolled at Notre Dame in June, he was a constant in the Irish football training room, seeking treatment, rehab and hope. When the 2017 season rolled around, he not only didn’t play, he wasn’t even allowed to suit up for the games.

Over the next few months, head athletic trainer Rob Hunt, team physician Dr. Matt Leiszler, special teams coach Brian Polian and defensive coordinator Clark Lea each pulled Adams aside and tried to gauge if he really wanted to continue to try to play football.

Each time it took him aback a little bit. But when Kelly brought Adams into his office for a one-on-one at the end of his freshman spring semester, in 2018, it had a different vibe to it.

“He pretty much said the player he recruited out of high school would have played a lot of football for us,” Adams related. “But, he said, ‘Your body has changed a lot since then, and I’m worried about your health.’ 

“That was very hard for me to hear, knowing everything I had put in since I was a young kid. I finally get to this high level, and I wanted to go even higher.

“I obviously had NFL aspirations, All-American aspirations, everything. But to hear that after my freshman spring ball was very difficult, because it wasn’t something where he says to me, ‘You’re just not playing good. You need to step it up.’ 

“In that case, I adapt, I get better. In this case, there wasn’t a whole lot I could do, because of my body. So it was tough.”

Adams stayed home that summer, not sure he’d ever be back.

“They left it open — ‘We would love to have you back’ and ‘you’re always welcome’ — that type of stuff,” Adams said. “But that summer was very hard. 

“Then I came back in the fall. Initially I didn’t plan on going around the football team. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but I thought it would be too hard emotionally. After I got back, I realized it was even harder to be away from it. 

“I’ll always remember this. When I got back my sophomore year, I heard the band playing one day. And it was just like, ‘Wow, I’m back here. All my dreams are now shot. I don’t really know what to do. It’s hard being here and hard being away. But it’s harder being away from football.’

“So I decided I definitely wanted to go back and help out any way I can and hang with all my good friends.”

During Notre Dame’s 2018 playoff run Adams, then a sophomore, attended every practice and every home game. He watched film and made breakout tapes of ND’s opponents for Lea and senior defensive analyst Nick Lezynski.

He’d help oversee the scout team defense in practice. He’d help organize meetings.

“David was a throwback, in a sense,” Kelly reflected last week. “He was a downhill, knock-you-in-the-mouth linebacker. That’s how he played the game. So to have the game pulled from him so early in his career, a lot of people can’t handle the void. 

“On top of that, David had to deal with his speech impediment. He already had a challenge in front of him as it was. And I don’t know that there’s anybody I’ve ever met that has handled it quite as well as David did, given all the things that could and probably did go against him.”

Making a difference

The function of medical disqualifications/hardships is to allow players to remain on scholarship and finish their education without it counting against the team’s 85-max scholarship limit imposed by the NCAA.

It’s college football’s Mulligan.

But Adams never personified that. He counted and mattered off the field, and at a particularly critical juncture.

In 2016, the Irish cratered and went 4-8. Kelly responded with a coaching staff makeover, lots of self-reflection and a reboot of his entire philosophies when it came to the way he related to his players and how he ran his program.

None of which plays well in the cut-throat recruiting arena.

After wide receiver Michael Young’s July 20, 2016, verbal commitment, the Irish whiffed on every opportunity to add to the class through the end of the second-losingest season in Notre Dame history.

There were also a Kelly Era-high six decommitments in the cycle, including linebacker Pete Werner and cornerback Paulson Adebo, eventual stars at Ohio State and Stanford, respectively. Over the other 11 completed recruiting cycles the Irish have had 15 decommitments combined.

“Decommitting never crossed my mind,” Adams said. “I knew what Notre Dame had to offer and it’s sports, you know. Everybody has bad years. And so it was, ‘Ok, they’re having a bad year. I’m sure they might make some changes in the offseason.’ I didn’t waver at all. 

“I know some guys, who are on the team now and who have already graduated, and a few of them did waver a little bit. And me, along with others, tried our best to hold it together.

“I believe I was the first defensive commit in the class, so I took pride in trying to hold things together, making sure we got the best class possible.”

They also helped reverse the momentum late in the cycle.

Notre Dame broke the drought with the December commitment of offensive lineman Aaron Banks and closed with six commitments in the final week before signing day. Three of them, including future All-American Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah, made their decisions on the actual National Signing Day, in February.

Four years later, the group reached graduation day with the same number of losses in four years combined as the 2016 team amassed in one (8). With it, that class helped fashion 43 wins and the first two playoff appearances in Notre Dame history.

And on Nov. 7, they played their part in upending No. 1 Clemson, 47-40 in double-overtime, at Notre Dame Stadium for the first victory by the Irish over a top-ranked team in 27 years.

“The memories are special — I’m glad I have those,” Adams said. “The people are even more special. Coach (Mike) Elston, coach Kelly. There are so many of them. They make a difference in who you become. Now I want to do that for other people.

“I don’t know what that’s going to look like yet, but I know my decision to come to Notre Dame was the right one. Football was my Plan A. My Plan B — if it doesn’t work out — I have an economics degree from one of the best universities in the world. I couldn’t go wrong either way. 

“I wanted Plan A more than anything, but I ended up getting Plan B. So yeah, I’m happy. Going to Notre Dame is going to help me in a lot of ways in my life — with opportunities. Our alumni are very strong in helping each other out. 

“The beautiful thing is when you know you have people in your corner. It makes you feel like you can still dream and accomplish anything.”

Follow ND Insider Eric Hansen on Twitter: @ehansenNDI

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[rp-meme-central]

The Santa Clause - sentence starters

1. “I’m running late today. You wouldn’t believe the traffic out here.” 

2. “You going to your _____’s for dinner?” 

3. “There aren’t that many presents over there.” 

4. “____ doesn’t believe in Santa.” 

4. “Take your coat off. You’re sticking around, aren’t you?” 

5. “Did that jerk tell _____ there was no Santa Clause?”

6. “Why do you guys always have to fight?”

7. “I don’t know. It seems kind of babyish to believe in that kind of stuff.”

8. “What are you talking about? I believe in Santa Clause and I’m not a baby.” 

9. “Do I gotta stay?”

10. “That is exactly why you want a high-quality fire extinguisher right in the kitchen.”

11. “I don’t wanna eat here.”

12. “_____ burnt the turkey.”

13. “I don’t like eggnog.” 

14. “How do reindeer fly? They don’t have any wings.”

15. “But if Santa’s so fat, how did he get down the chimneys?” 

16. “Sometimes believing in something means... it means you just believe.”

17. “You believe in Santa, don’t you, _____?” 

18. “Somebody’s on the roof.” 

19. “If you can hear me, I’m just looking for identification.” 

20. “S/he disappeared!” 

21. “Will you please be quiet for a minute so that I can figure this out?” 

22. “_____, get down from there!” 

23. “I’m just going to call the police. I’ll carry this stuff up there, let them deal with it.” 

24. “Get away from those things! They’re reindeer, you don’t know where they’ve been. They all look like they’ve got key lime disease.”

25. “Well, we made good time. Now what do we do?” 

26. “You know what we’re gonna do? We’re gonna get out of here. Because this whole thing is stupid.” 

27. “How come everything that I want to do is stupid?” 

28. “How am I supposed to know what to leave?” 

29. “There’s a list. How silly of me, of course there’s a list.” 

30. “Look! You’re flying!” 

31. “Nice teeth.” 

32. “It felt like America’s Most Wanted. Now pull me in quick, we gotta get out of here!”

33. “This could be a really long night.” 

34. “Are you growling at me?” 

35. “Look, do you want this doll or not? Go to sleep.” 

36. “Where are you going? Get back here!”

37. “Where are all the grown-ups?” 

38. “I’m not a kid. I have pointy shoes that are older than you are. I’m an elf.”

39. “Hey! What’s causing all the trouble around here?” 

40. “I know where this is going. It wasn’t my fault. The other guy/lady/one fell, it was an accident.” 

41. “I thought I told you to stay in the sleigh.” 

42. “Now, be very careful. This is very old, just like me.” 

43. “Why don’t you hold onto it for me for a while? It might come in handy.” 

44. “Look, _____, I just want to go home!” 

45. “By putting on the hat and jacket, you accepted the contract.” 

46. “I’ll have the list sent to your house.” 

47. “What if I don’t want to do this?” 

48. “Can I get you anything? The kitchen’s always open.” 

49. “I brought you some cocoa. My own recipe. It took me 1200 years to get it right.” 

50. “You look distressed.” 

51. “Kids don’t have to see this place to know that it’s here. They just... know.” 

52. “Nice PJs. Very festive. Where’d you get them?” 

53. “It was a dream. Stuff like that doesn’t happen. It was a dream.” 

54. “My _____ is Santa Clause.”

55. “This is ridiculous. I don’t have time for this.” 

56. “How do you know that? How? You don’t have any proof.” 

57. “I know who you are, _____. You’ll figure it out soon enough.” 

58. “There are a lot of kids who believe in you. You can’t let them down.” 

59. “Just because you haven’t seen it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.” 

60. “You want to take a walk? I want to talk to you.” 

61. “Do you think that next year I’ll be big enough drive the sleigh all by myself?” 

62. “This is something I really want you to do for me, ______. I want to keep this secret. Will you do that? Please?” 

63. “Something’s wrong with the mirror.” 

64. “What we gotta do is develop a simple, inexpensive toy that will nurture a child’s creative thinking.” 

65. “Can I see you outside a minute?” 

66. “I gained 45 pounds in a week! _____, what’s happening to me?” 

67. “I never thought you would stoop to changing your physical appearance in order to make _____ like you.” 

68. “What am I supposed to do with all these packages, _____? Come on!” 

69. “I’m in big trouble.” 

70. “Aw, come on, _____. Don’t you remember when you stopped believing in Santa?” 

71. “____, I’m fine. You can’t let them down. They all believe in you!” 

72. “I think it’s a much better idea if you just stayed here with your _____.” 

73. “______’s got some great ideas on how to keep you safe.” 

74. “But what do I do if I fall off a roof?” 

75. “It’s not even my suit. It’s a rental.” 

76. “It’s a nice rope. Is this in case I fall off a roof?” 

77. “How could I have done this without you, ____?” 

78. “It’s soy milk. You said you were lactose intolerant.” 

79. “Look! There’s _____ and _____’s street. Can we go there next? I made something for them at the workshop.” 

80. “Let him go! Let Santa go!” 

81. “We’ve got a problem. _____ was at the ______, but s/he’s not responding.�� 

82. “Okay, _____. Maybe a couple hours in the tank will change your mind.” 

83. “Don’t worry, we’re the good guys.” 

84. “Come on, let’s go save Santa.” 

85. “Don’t ever try this without elf supervision.” 

86. “We’re looking for Santa Clause.”

87. “We’re here to bust out my ______.”

88. “Tinsel. Not just for decoration.” 

89. “I don’t have a lot of time.” 

90. “Selfish? Come on. You’re the least selfish person I know.” 

91. “Santa?” 

92. “Hey, have I ever steered you wrong?” 

93. “Nice sweater. Hey, did we make this?” 

94. “That’s okay, ______. You’re just denying your inner child.” 

95. “You miss me already? I’ve been gone, what, 10 minutes?” 

96. “Do you want to go for a quick ride?”  

[nekoabi]

All of them

Right, lets start oversharing.

Just a couple warnings: Some answers involve anxiety attacks, death and suicide talk. 

Who hurt you the most?Hmm... If I’m completely honest, it’s likely myself, due to overthinking and being an anxious mess etc.

Who have you hurt the most?Lel myself, I guess?

Who do you miss the most?Old friends that I lost contact with who I don’t know how to talk to anymore...

Who do you want out of your life the most?There’s this one person who I see frequently irl who is kinda getting on my nerves a lot... So them.

Who had the biggest positive impact on you?My mum. She is basically my life goals.

Who had the biggest negative impact on you?This friend I had who was toxic. Used to be best friends, but as time went on and we both started going in different directions, suddenly she felt controlling. She almost had nothing positive to say to me or about me, always talking shit about myself, never letting me get out negativity around her... It got the point where I was scared to talk because I didn’t know how she’d react... 

She’s the reason my anxiety blossomed into what it is. I’ve always been nervous and shy, but she made it so bad.

Who do you wish you could be honest with?Some people irl. I wish I could tell them what I really think so I could maybe work past some things...

Who have you harbored (any kind of!) secret feelings towards?Idk... I mean, I still have a crush on the first girl I ever crushed on (even though she’s engaged and I wish I could still be her friend... or at least, know how to talk to her), I kinda still have feelings for other people I’ve dated... 

Who would the world be better off without?Shitty people who do shitty things and don’t work past them, or realise what they’ve done is shitty.

Who do you wish you’d treated differently?My cousin, back when we had this weird falling out... Since then, things have never really been the same...

What was the worst day of your life?Probably the day I got broken up with which was like... almost 2 years ago? Like now, I’m over it, but I remember just crying all night, and stuff... But hey, I’m good now.

What’s your greatest fear?Either spiders (highly arachnophobic, hello) or being alone forever, or being crowded too much... I have a lot of fears, and I don’t know which is “greatest”..

What’s your biggest insecurity?Um... god, I don’t know... I have a lot, but the only one coming to mind is my outward appearance, specifically how clothes fall on me and if what I’m wearing shows my awkward body and stuff...

What’s your biggest regret?Not getting involved with the shows back in school earlier.

Describe your ideal world.Place where everyone is actually accepted, no one hates on anyone for something that doesn’t affect them, everyone’s p chill, everyone’s happy and good and stuff. 

Describe your personal hell.Stuck in the middle of a busy room with no one I recognise while everyone tries talking at once, asking questions that I can’t answer. People then getting mad, people then yelling, people getting so angry that they don’t even show it.

What’s a hopeless dream you’re still holding on to?I... don’t know... Honestly, I have no ideas. I don’t know what dreams I currently have for myself...

What’s the most embarrassed you’ve ever been?During a lecture, my friend and I were messing around a bit - Idk what we were doing, all I remember is I took a step back. I thought there was nothing behind me, but instead there were two black boxes stacked up and my lecturer’s laptop onto of them. And I fell into them, knocking them over. Everyone looked at me, I was so close to crying, I can’t remember if I was frozen for a second or what, all I remember is I ran off and hid somewhere around the performance gym, and almost had an attack.

What’s the angriest you’ve ever been?I don’t know... I’ve been angry a lot, but I’ve never had just one moment where I’ve been “the angriest”. I can’t describe a scenario, but I can describe what happens.

When I get really angry, I start shaking and everything starts kinda slowing down. My vision focuses down for a second, kinda zooming in and I feel a wave of heat flow through my body. This is how I know I shouldn’t say whatever I’m thinking of saying because I know I’ll regret it.

What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?Again, probably the day I got broken up with, or the day I found out my grandma had died.

What’s the most scared you’ve ever been?I seriously don’t know. There’s been so many times when I’ve been scared shitless because of spiders, as well as when someone’s wanted to talk to me, or I’ve done something that I’m scared someone will find out when it was accidental... and like loads of other times... I’m just constantly scared.

What’s the most hopeless you’ve ever felt?Back in 6th Form. Before I knew that I wanted to work backstage. My only life goal was to finish school. After that, my life was to be over. Honestly, I’m getting back into that stage again, because I don’t know how I’m going to progress after university’s over...

What’s the most frantic you’ve ever felt?I checked the definition of “frantic” because I wasn’t sure and “distraught with fear, anxiety, or other emotion.” is what I found so let’s go with that.

I mean, any time I’ve had a fucking attack or cried because of being so fucking freaked? To find a different example, back when my school did Notre Dame. During God Help The Outcasts, I had to set some props - sticks used for a scene later - in the wings, in the corner. I was doing it like I always did, and for some reason, I think I tripped on something? and I turned the work lights on in the wing. I almost puked right there. I managed to turn them off and just ran away to the changing room and locked myself in the shower room and almost cried...

Just remembering that makes me so fucking tense...

What’s the bravest you’ve ever felt?Probably when I did a solo in front of a paying audience for the first and last time. It was only one of our Showcase shows, so it was only a small audience but still, I did it.

What’s the best case scenario for your future?Find a good job somewhere in theatre (or get a good reputation and keep getting hired), have a comfortable amount of money, have a comfortable place, have someone who i can be with, have at least one cat. Be able to just live without worrying too much about the simple things...

What’s the worst case scenario for you future?Having a job I really can’t stand, constantly worrying about the simple things, being completely alone, being unable to relax... 

What’s the most physical pain you’ve ever felt?Uhhh... I had a time where I missed like a month of school due to stomach pains that no one knew what it was, and that was fucking painful.I had period pains that made me collapse once. I caught the back of my heel under one of the rolling cages at Waitrose one day, and it was the heaviest one as it was full of milk and I bent my foot back and it fucking hurt... Still had to work for another hour and a half and walk the 40 minutes back home, and then go back to work the day after...

I haven’t really had extreme physical pain, I’m too scared of being hurt... 

What’s the most emotional pain you’ve ever felt?#BreakUp

Describe a time you felt like a hypocrite.Anytime I’ve given someone advice and then not taken it myself, I guess... I really try my hardest to not be a hypocrite, but that’s the biggest one...

Describe a time you felt like a traitor.I’ve sat here trying to think of something and I fucking can’t. So, never, I guess. I’m sure there’s been something fucking stupid or tiny that was really dumb that I was like “omg i’m a traaaaaitooooor!!” but i can’t fucking think of anything and I’m getting mad about it. So, lets fucking move on.

Describe a time you felt like a hero.Nothing has ever made me feel like a hero... I mean, I’ve felt good doing things for people, but never been like “omg look at me so hero!”So, never.

Describe a time you felt inhuman.All the time. Like right now. I feel empty. I don’t know how I should be feeling, or what I should be feeling, but I just feel gloomy and gross and shit. I just don’t feel human.Also, all those times I’ve looked at my reflection and gone, “No... that’s not me. Is it? It moves like me, but I just don’t... look right...”

Describe a time you felt like a failure.Lol all the time. Honestly. I feel like I’m failing myself by doing nothing.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?Last night, I came up with “we’re coming up on the ejaculation station.” That’s probably the worst thing.

What are you proudest of?I mean, I’m proud I finally finishing Wind Waker. I’m proud I got an 85 on an assignment. I’m proud I’m still here, on this earth. Idk, just... whatever.

What’s your relationship with your family like?Mostly, it’s good. My family are really nice, my parents are amazing and I love them. My aunts are kinda problematic - one I really don’t like that much, one drinks so much that I don’t think I’ve ever seen her fully sober. My uncles are p cool, chill. My nan and grandad are nice enough, they just say things and believe things that are just... not okay. And my cousins are really cool, I like them.

What’s your relationship with religion like?I don’t have one with religion. I respect people who are religious - as long as they’re not using their religion to be a dick, but that’s usually just a sign of someone being a general asshole.

Talk about someone you’ve lost.My grandma died a few months before the end of last year. I wasn’t super close to her, but like there are so many things that I didn’t realise I’d miss... She’d call our house every week to talk to my dad, we’d be able to go and see her like every few months, all these small things that are now just not ever going to happen again.She was amazing though. She was always so nice to everyone. She was an amazing seamstress. She made a wedding dress for someone, she was always willing to help and make something for someone. She was always welcoming, but she could fuck you up if you did something bad.She was so good.

Talk about someone who abandoned you.My old flatmates from first year.I see some of them around and they just seem to ignore me, like all the time. Two of them, the two I was possibly the least closest to, are the ones who have had full conversations with me and have even considered inviting me to meetups that they all keep having...

Talk about a desire you have that scares you.The desire of just wanting someone scares me.It scares me because I know I am incapable of doing what needs to be done to do so. I can’t talk to people well, I can’t confess to people unless I’m close to them, I just can’t.And it scares me that I can’t do something that I need to do to fulfil what I want, because I know its only going to hurt me more and more and more.

What’s something you wish you were capable of?I wish I was capable of talking openly about more of my feelings to the people who hurt them or cause them to be the way they are. I’m more than happy to be open about various things I’ve “been through” and I don’t mind talking about feelings, but I can’t talk about them with people who hurt them because I’m too scared of what they’ll say, their reaction, how our relationship will then change... I wish I were capable of conflict.

What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?I’m afraid I’m capable of hurting myself.The other day, I gave in to my frustration and hurt and anger, and hurt myself on purpose. Like more than usual. It was nothing that would show, thank goodness... but if I can give in to something like that, I’m scared I’m capable of giving into other things similar...

Describe the kind of life you wish you’d been born into.Just one where I wasn’t such a fucking coward, and I wasn’t so scared and anxious about everything. I enjoy my life, for the most part, that’s all I’d change - I think...

Describe your worst heartbreak.#BreakUpI don’t wanna talk too much about it because he’s still a really good friend. It just hurt because, at the time, I had really strong feelings. I’ve been able to get over those and be happy he’s my friend.

Describe your worst disappointment.I mean, I was super disappointed that I got a job offer for like the perfect place - GAME - but I had to turn it down due to the fact I had literally just started working at Disney Store that month and because they wanted me to do my first training shift on CoD release day... Because that makes fucking sense.The manager was just a total dick...

Have you ever taken a fall for someone?Probably? Idk when... but likely...

Have you ever forced or let someone take a fall for you?Definitely let others take a fall for me, but never for anything extremely bad - just small things...

Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?Lol no, I’m no where near strong enough to do that.

Have you ever done serious emotional harm to someone?Not to my knowledge... If I ever have, it’s never been intentional...

Have you ever self-harmed?In ways, yes. As mentioned above. I’ve scratched my face, I’ve pinched myself, I’ve gripped myself so hard that it hurts, I’ve slapped and punched myself. I’ve let myself get almost burnt by the cold.But what most people know as self harm? No, I’ve never cut.Doesn’t mean the thought hasn’t crossed my mind.

Have you ever attempted suicide?No, never attempted.Considered? Many times.

Have you ever stolen something?Not anything major. Like I’ve taken a thing from the fridge at home or something petty like that, I’ve never stolen anything major or done it in public.

Have you ever cheated on someone?No. Never. What the fuck.

Have you ever been cheated on?Not really? I mean, there’s always the possibility someone did, but that was just a sham of a relationship anyway - didn’t even really like the guy, just couldn’t say no...

Have you ever taken revenge on someone?I don’t believe so... Not like actually, I’ve definitely considered it before but I don’t remember doing it outright.

Have you ever seriously considered killing somone?Yup. 

Have you ever betrayed someone who trusted you?Only for good reasons, like sharing their stories with someone who they don’t even know because I can’t handle it all on my own or telling someone about what they’re going through because its scaring me.

Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?I mean, kinda? Nothing major, and it probably can all be explained by something sciencey. But like, back home, when I’m laying in bed (and haven’t moved for like ages), I sometimes like feel something move over the bedsheets or like rest against my legs. Idk what that is, but I like to think of it as the cats we used to have...

I’m sorry for the shitty tone through some of these, it’s just a really shitty day...

Thanks for asking

[tessavirtueandmoir]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Daniel aka one of the Finnish guys cause I didn’t want to get lost in the club (I also hate club so it was like a double whammy)

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Is outgoingly shy a thing? I used to be super shy and still am around guys, but im definitely more outgoing in everyday life than I used to be

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

MY BESTFRIEND WHO FREAKING FLEW TO ENGLAND THE DAY I CAME HOME AND I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO SEE HER YET.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Depends on who you ask, I guess.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

More likely than not.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Blond hair, blue eyes… the eye colour doesnt really matter tbh but that seems to be the trend. Not douchey.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Uhh.. that’s wishful thinking.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Those dang Finnish boys #lifecrisis

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Yes.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Probs one of those Finnish boys

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

I sent an article to my mom about how Canada was gonna be colder than Antarctica and mars. lmao I love this freaking country.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Freedom 90 - Pitch Perfect Cast

Saturday Night - Whigfield

New Year’s Day - TSwift

New Rules - Dua Lipa

Hopeless Romantic - Scott Middough

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Yeah dude point me to a girl who doesn’t

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Lmao no not really

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I turned 20 and apparently had a life resolution. Ditch those crappy people y’all, they aint worth your time

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Debatable…

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Don’t even remember who my first crush was so that’s probably a no.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yo. My kryptonite. My res only had showers for the 4 months I was there and I legit cried when I say my bathtub so.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

As long as I can’t hear them, I don’t really care

21. What are you bad habits?

Getting super snippy when I’m hungry. Um… constantly being on my phone? Idk what else. Being blunt?

22. Where would you like to travel?

I just want to go back to England at this point

23. Do you have trust issues?

hahahah AHAHAHAHAHHA bye

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

the fact I didnt wake up until like mid afternoon in the uk… now literally nothing

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My stomach? Or maybe my arms

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Check my phone notifs

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Maybe a tad darker because im literally pale af but otherwise no

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my best friends aka girls

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

No? One of my ex’s once told one of my friends to check on me though cause he was worried.. it was strange.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Also, debatable. I’m loving my alone life right now.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

If it wasn’t I would literally cry so. Every time I get it cut we make sure it goes into a pony because of dance and stuff.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Anna Kendrick and is Tessa Virtue a celebrity? I think she is. Wow… that is quite the threesome honestly. Gotta have different life experiences I suppose.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

grasysdoihj

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Dance and soccer. dance is a sport dont argue with me

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV I guess. But either option would be pretty lame.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

In my 20 years, yeah probably

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing, I usually check my phone or something

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Not an inconsiderate douchebag. And someone that lives in the same country as me.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

NEWLOOK, River Island, ASOS, RW and Co, Dynamite (sometimes the Bay)

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Be a lawyer.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Nah man.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m fucking mad and u best walk away before I slit you in half. Or I’m tired. Or im not comfortable with the situation

43. Do you smile at strangers?

I barely even look up so no

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Bottom of the ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

That maybe it’ll be cold enough for me to take a bath at some point… I have a lame Canadian life. And I also don’t wanna be a university drop out so there’s also that.

46. What are you paranoid about?

People following me… like not on social media. Just like in general

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Potentially? Idk man, probably not

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Oh yeah. But I told my friends about it so does that really count?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Navy

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Everyone wishes they were T Virtue so.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wish I could make myself want to go to the gym an exercise. But yet, here I am

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Anastasia Beverley Hills/Tarte/Fenty Beauty

54. Favourite store?

Did I not already answer this?

55. Favourite blog?

Mine. Shameless self promo

https://graysonwadsworth2.wixsite.com/hayitsgray

56. Favourite colour?

Grey/Teal/Burgundy

57. Favourite food?

G A R L I C B R E A D

58. Last thing you ate?

I’m about to eat a huge ass bowl of oatmeal

59. First thing you ate this morning?

This huge ass bowl of oatmeal. It’s 9:25 PM in case y’all were wondering.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Many. For dance.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

No, I’m an angel. Just kidding.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope.

63. Ever been in love?

Yep.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Happened on a cruise ship in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea and I stupidly decided to play a game where we were trying to get our faces as close as possible without kissing… I was dumb okay lmao.

65. Are you hungry right now?

Mildly.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

I talk to my Tumblr friends more than my real friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Why is instagram not a choice. Tumblr I guess.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

I’m watching the movie what not to expect when you’re expecting

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Harneet, Keira, Emmy, Katerina, Andy, Meghan x 2, Madi, Sydney, Emily, Lauren, Cassidy… wow… that’s so many

71. Craving something? What?

Not to be sick.

72. What colour are your towels?

My personal towels are teal. But we have brown, black. and grey ones in the bathroom too.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

there’s 6 on my bed right now

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

does one laying at the foot of the bed count cause otherwise no

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I legitimately cleaned out my entire closet this week and found my ENTIRE collection of webkinz so if we’re gonna count those probs like 300 lmao

75. Favourite animal?

Elephant

76. What colour is your underwear?

Pink

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Cookie Dough OR French crisp from Laura Secord

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Grey

80. What colour pants?

Grey, white and pink

81. Favourite tv show?

GREYS ANATOMY

82. Favourite movie?

Moulin Rouge or Angels and Demons

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean girls who are you

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Jump Street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Janice

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory or Crush

87. First person you talked to today?

I honestly have no idea, probably meg though… or I definitely snapchatted people

88. Last person you talked to today?

Meg

89. Name a person you hate?

Well, that would be mean.

90. Name a person you love?

My British bestie, honestly, I don’t know why I love her so much. It’s strange. My cat is the next backup.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

No? Violence is never the answer. Passive aggressiveness is

92. In a fight with someone?

Not that I know of

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

All of my sweats are basically roots, and I honestly have too many

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

TOO MANY

95. Last movie you watched?

Pitch Perfect 2

96. Favourite actress?

Anna Kendrick OR Reese Witherspoon

97. Favourite actor?

I am currently blanking on male actors at the moment. Let’s just go with Ryan Reynolds cause he’s funny af and married to Blake so

98. Do you tan a lot?

I burn a lot.

99. Have any pets?

A really bitchy cat

100. How are you feeling?

Sick #iloveairplanes

101. Do you type fast?

Yes, unnaturally fast. I can also type without looking at the keys which weirds a lot of people out.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Doesn’t everyone? It wasn’t stuff that I did myself though

103. Can you spell well?

Usually yes, lately no. I need to go back to school obviously

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

My grandma

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yep

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Accidentally on purpose yes

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes, and I got bucked off and now refuse to ride another horse

108. What should you be doing?

Writing an essay that’s due on Friday

109. Is something irritating you right now?

The fact that I can’t fall asleep, but that’s the norm so

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Only when they broke my heartttttt

111. Do you have trust issues?

I swear to god I’ve already answered this one

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My best british friend. She legit left me crying in the middle of the club

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Gray gray. Or Gray goose.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

I used to. My console is in my closet now though

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Yes, always.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

MA FAVE. It’s the only soup I eat.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

YES. MY OTHER FAVE.

119. Favourite book?

13 Reasons Why, or Atonement. Soon to be: Scrappy Little Nobody

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

No.

121. Are you mean?

I am blunt. Sometimes those two can get confused

122. Is cheating ever okay?

No, y’all are scum bye

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Uh… if my white shoes get dirty I clean them so they’re white again

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No, but I believe in crushes at first sight #themodel

125. Do you believe in true love?

I mean.. maybe.

126. Are you currently bored?

Yes, hence why I’m answering all these questions

127. What makes you happy?

My friends

128. Would you change your name?

I currently am, but not my first name.

129. What your zodiac sign?

Cancer the crabbbbbb

130. Do you like subway?

Uh…. sometimes. But it’s not my go to

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Yikes, this has legit happened to me and I had to dip so fast im not even lying

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Definitely one of those Finnish boys

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Take back your picture in a frame

OR

sometimes the clothes do not make the man

134. Can you count to one million?

Who would ever try that? It would take forever.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

When I told all my profs I couldn’t write my midterm cause I had a concussion and I went to the Dominican instead #rebel

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed

137. How tall are you?

5′ 3″

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Straight hair that is curled

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Blonde

140. Summer or Winter?

Neither, I hate both. But if I had to choose, summer

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favourite month?

May

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No, I’d literally die because I hate vegetables

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

T E A

146. Was today a good day?

Tbh I laid in bed all day so that’s pretty ideal

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind - Dr. Suess (how philosophical wow)

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Nope

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

The young team were still getting most of their ice time in Ilderton and were preparing for the Western Ontario sectionals in the juvenile category, but in late autumn of 1998, just a week before sectionals, Scott broke his right arm playing flag football. That is the longest sentence ever wow.

[portraitdelajeunefilleenfeu]

For the question thing. Do them all.

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?….maybe. 🤐2. You talked to an ex today, correct?Sort of?3. Have you taken someones virginity?Virginity is imaginary, but, again, sort of. I’ve slept with girls who had never slept with a girl before. Multiple girls that I was their first “lesbian encounter” lol. And I’m pretty sure I left a good impression. 😏4. Is trust a big issue for you?Yes. Especially in my partner communicating with me and not telling other people/friends of theirs private things that are between us.5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?Yeah. Sunday night. :) It was fab.6. What are you excited for?Parahoy 3!!!! Also, traveling. The trips I’m planning.7. What happened tonight?No idea. That’s the future. I can tell you what will PROBABLY happen. I’ll be coming home from work at like 8:30 and watch The Crown.8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?Why would I think it was disgusting when girls do it, but not guys? No. Once in a while, you need to let loose and get wasted. But I worry about the person’s health if I know they’re the kind of person who gets sad, angry, depressed, etc. after getting really drunk and it isn’t healthy to do that a lot. Plus, if they’re spending a lot of money on it and they aren’t a rich person, I know they could be saving and using it on something better.9. Is confidence cute?It’s attractive sometimes, I guess. But it’s also very attractive to be straight forward and honest when you’re not confident in yourself or if you doubt yourself. Plus, sometimes, people are overly-confident (or pretending to be) and it comes off as arrogance.10. What is the last beverage you had?Tea (PG Tips)11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?0.12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?Like 6 pairs.13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?No idea. It’s too far away. lol.14. What are you going to spend money on next?Probably beer and food at the movies Thursday night when I see The Last Jedi.15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?lol no16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?Sure. Everyone’s always changing and growing.17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?My closest friend.18. The last time you felt broken?Can’t remember. …Which is really nice. :)19. Have you had sex today?Nope. Not today.20. Are you starting to realize anything?I can’t think of anything right now.21. Are you in a good mood?Actually, yeah! Great mood, right now.22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?I guess.23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?No.24. What do you want right this second?To be in New York, I guess. Or London, if not New York.…and a good sandwich. Which I could get in either of those cities.25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?I’d feel jealousy, I guess, but we aren’t going out, so I’m not entitled to anything, so… *shrug*26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?No. Never.27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?What28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?Probably something @idontneednohelp said.29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?Yes. Very much. And she knows that. 🖤 x30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?Most people. Not EVERYONE.31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?What? Was this written by a middle schooler? I don’t even remember the last “boy” I talked to.32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?Yep.33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?For the most part. I rarely drink any anymore.34. Listening to?Dua Lipa.35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?No.36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?Yep.37. Do you believe in love at first sight?No. That’s lust. Or infatuation. Love comes with time and effort.38. Who did you last call?My closest friend.39. Who was the last person you danced with?No clue. It was probably at a bar/club when I was drunk, so, whatever. lol40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?‘Cause I liked her?41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?A long time. ..I’d love to have one right now. But I had a really good thick slice of iced gingerbread loaf yesterday.42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?No.43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?Sure.44. Do you tan in the nude?Never have, no.45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?No.46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?No. I watched The Crown until I started falling asleep.47. Who was the last person to call you?I don’t know.48. Do you sing in the shower?Sometimes.49. Do you dance in the car?What50. Ever used a bow and arrow?Yep. I loved doing archery at summer camp as a kid.51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?I’m gonna say it was almost exactly a year ago. A few really great photos. :)52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?NO.53. Is Christmas stressful?Only if big family get togethers are involved. (Because of the homophobia, transphobia, racism, xenophobia, etc.) But I don’t usually have to do a lot of that stuff anymore.54. Ever eat a pierogi?YEAH! Love em!55. Favorite type of fruit pie?Dutch apple.56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?Actress, actress, astronaut, actress actress, actress57. Do you believe in ghosts?Sure. Why not.58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?Yeah, but I haven’t had it in a while.59. Take a vitamin daily?B12 and Vitamin D (because it’s so rainy and gloomy here most of the time)60. Wear slippers?No.61. Wear a bath robe?No.62. What do you wear to bed?My underwear. That’s it, usually.63. First concert?I seriously don’t remember. I wish I did, but I don’t.64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?Tesco.65. Nike or Adidas?Vans.66. Cheetos Or Fritos?Ketchup chips (doesn’t matter what brand).67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?Macadamia nuts.68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?Right now, it’s Delicate.69. Ever take dance lessons?Tap.70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?I don’t really picture my “spouse” since I don’t plan on marrying again, but whatever my partner wants to do that makes her happy, I’m sure I will like and support it.71. Can you curl your tongue?Barely. I’m not good at it.72. Ever won a spelling bee?No. But I could have.73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?Yes.74. What is your favorite book?The Magician’s Nephew by C.S. Lewis. I also love His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman75. Do you study better with or without music?Without. But I love having music on.76. Regularly burn incense?No. It actually irritates my nose sometimes.77. Ever been in love?Yep.78. Who would you like to see in concert?Oh, LOTS of people.79. What was the last concert you saw?Paramore.80. Hot tea or cold tea?Both.81. Tea or coffee?Depends on the situation and my mood.82. Favorite type of cookie?Black & White cookie. Preferably from Junior’s.83. Can you swim well?I can’t swim at all.84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?Yeah, but not well.85. Are you patient?Very, sometimes. VERY. If I need to be, I can be patient for a lonnnnnnggg time.86. DJ or band, at a wedding?idk87. Ever won a contest?Yep.88. Ever have plastic surgery?wtf. Who would answer yes to this? I s2g this was written by a 12 year old lol.89. Which are better black or green olives?Black.90. Opinions on sex before marriage?LMAO91. Best room for a fireplace?What ARE these questions?92. Do you want to get married?No. I WAS married. Don’t want it again. But if the right girl came along and SHE wanted to, I would.

There. Did them all! :)

http://fuckyeahhayleywilliams.tumblr.com/ask

[akwonders]

Party, date, drunk, reunion, ER?

So first I had like nothing planned. Then suddenly between Thursday afternoon and Friday I had a list. I was invited to a party by some co-workers, asked out on a date by 2 guys, and realized some friends are in the country. I was all O.o what on earth is going on?

One guy just wasn't going to make it into the schedule plus for some odd reason he irritates me already. The other one seemed to have more common sense on how to go about things. That is why I agreed with him.

Anyways, party with co-workers? Basically was a wine and cheese party with some other dishes. Pretty chill. Made it home and realized I was supposed to meet homie in like an hour.

It's funny because when we first started talking I was somewhat mean. Like if you want to learn English there are apps and hagwons for that. If you want some easy chick I am not the one.

He passed the message round. Sadly, most guys don't make it these days. He also doesn't live or work far from where I live so that is another thing that was working for him. Sent him a message to find out what exit and such. Only for him to realize that he mixed up the days. 😒

I will admit I was a bit 😑 at first but I could understand why later. Heck I was mixing up my days. He didn't want to break the date so he was like as soon as he get off of work we can still go. Which would have been an hour after our original time. So not too bad but I was like eh~ because he could be tired and then suddenly have to rush to a date. I felt kind of bad. So I told him not to worry and we can just make it for another day.

He wouldn't give up. Kept apologizing and really wanted to keep it for that night. I finally gave in because it seems if I didn't he was never going to let it go that he messed up while planning. He would message here and there until he got off.

By that time in general it was almost time for me to leave to meet him. So I went a bit early. I am always early. He took a taxi quick and when I saw him I was all 😮 because I was chilling listening to music. 😅

He apologized some more and I couldn't help but laugh because honestly it was pretty cute. Yeah I said that. He was cute alright? Alright.

We went to eat chinese styled lamb. Sat outside because the weather was nice. Had great conversation and too many bottles of soju.

I got drunk.

First time ever wasted.

Then I realized why. I didn't eat any rice or bread or anything all day to be able to balance out the alcohol like normal. So it got me good. Also had wine earlier in the day. Oops. 😅

To the point I kept switching from English to Korean with a mixture of Japanese. But we finished eating. He paid and we left. By this time it was almost 2am.

No subway running. So taxi it is. But before that...

I got sick. A stomach full of soju, wine and lamb is a no go for me apparently. So...yeah on the side of the road. Kept the guy out the way because I didn't want any on anyone. Was fine after that for a bit.

He made sure I had everything and made sure I was holding on to his arm as we walked.

At this point I was highly dependent on this man to much of my embarrassment.

But oh it gets better you guys. So much better~

Because I was drunk and not 100% or heck 60% me *chuckles* he gave the taxi driver the station to drop us off at.

Halfway, I had the driver pull over so I could throw up again. I actually told them in my drunken state I didn't want to mess up anything. The taxi driver was actually super nice too. Go figure. Anywho.

*covers my face in pure embarrassment* As I write this I can't help but cringe at the fact I have done such a thing.

Get to my station. He paid the driver. I somehow know how to walk to my place basically blind it seems. I magically press in door codes too.

So yes, this man now know where I live. At this point I was like whatever I need to get home at least. I have cctv everywhere if something goes down.

Made it to my apartment. Giggled at the fact I pressed in the code too fast and had to do it once more to get in. Quickly took off my boots. Told him to close the door while I ran to the bathroom to throw up again.

Yep~ a third time.

He made sure I was okay and gave me a ton of water to drink.

Even in my messed up state I was all "I have to brush my teeth, clean my face, and change clothes. I can't sleep like this."

Causing him to laugh. He was drunk but not like me. I was a mess.

Grabbed my pajamas and changed in the bathroom. Came out and actually brushed my teeth and washed my face. Literally a miracle I functioned so well. He gave me some more water.

Then it hit me.

This man is standing in my place helping me after I got drunk, threw up 3 times on our first date.

I just assumed he was staying I guess because I took out sheets, a blanket, and gave him a pillow saying, "Here, you can sleep on the floor since it's so late. I have caused enough trouble."

He was all 😮 are you sure?

I shrugged, walked to my bed and basically just collapsed on it like "let me die in my drunk embarrassed state."

He laughed and literally tucked me in while calling me cute.

Granted it's not the first time he called me cute but I was feeling far from it at this point. 😅

He settled on the floor next to my bed after making sure I was okay. I knocked out after saying good night.

*sighs* I know I know this is so unlike me. What happened? Life happened and I didn't care too much. I felt oddly comfortable which is weird.

Anyways, while sleeping if I moved a bit too much he would ask if I was okay and if I needed anything. At one point he just held my hand.

Then, I woke up yesterday (Sunday) morning and was like "omg my head. First time and hopefully the last I drink so much without eating properly first." Looked over and saw him sleeping still. It was like 6am and I remembered like 99% of everything but 1% was a bit foggy. I knew what happened but needed to piece it together better. Like the last 2 times I threw up.

He woke up maybe a few minutes after me and asked if I was okay again. Even though he was barely awake, that's when he confirmed my foggy 1%. I literally hid under my blankets saying sorry blushing like crazy. Only to hear him laugh and say it's fine while calling me cute for the billionth time. At this point I am all "I am going to die from pure embarrassment."

Drifted off to sleep again then woke up a bit more rested. Found my phone and stuff. Took a shower and such. He was still asleep. He wouldn't see anything anyways. So no worries.

He woke up to a phone call from work. It was his day off but they couldn't find a red bag it seems. So he was telling them where it should be.

Oh yes his details. Hmm...🤔 Let's call him Mr. Gucci since he is a manager of one of the stores. He is 181cm, born in '85 (so 32 years old), has one younger sister and broke up with his last girlfriend of 2 years in February because her parents wanted a guy with more money like a doctor or something. Yep~ I was all oh man ouch...

Anywho, we officially woke up. Talked a bit. My turn to apologize a ton. I did cook him some breakfast. It was the least I could do. Talked some more.

He brought up business trips that he has to do. I was just thinking to myself why is he telling me all this?

I know. I know. He had a reason to. He does want to meet again before his next business trip.

Honestly though besides me being drunk that was a fantastic date. He was a pure gentleman the entire time. When he left he told me to call if I ever need anything.

After that, I did some things. Called Mr. Ghetto got no answer and was a bit worried since he was already getting sick.

A few hours later met up with some friends visiting from England. Had a blast. At great food, explored, great conversation and all. Ended the night at Lotte's Sky Tower.

Not going to lie. It is worth every won for that view. It's in the video of the previous post. Said our goodbyes. We may meet up again before they leave.

I came home but of course stopped for bubble tea and got in at 9pm on the dot. 😄

Then finally found out Mr. Ghetto ended up with a condition that is temporary and even went to the ER. I was all 😯. He didn't answer because well he was barely awake. In which I know how it is because it's similar to what I deal with at times while having UC (Ulcerative colitis).

And he tends to keep to himself more without getting help from anyone. He cut most of his friends off over the summer. Which makes me worry more. Even if we are nothing more he is one of my best friends here that I would drop whatever I am doing if something happened. He does the same for me. *sighs* So now that he is able to get up himself I will check on him if not daily then every other day. I legit don't want to lose that man.

But yeah~ tada my crazy weekend.

Now to sleep. Until next time~ 안녕~