#‘ask about diet and exercise’ yes please!

[toscrollperchancetomeme]

So it’s implied in episode 2x1 that the mental health of the victim affects the quality of the blood and affects the general wellbeing of the vampire who drinks it. (“Too much sadness in the blood” etc)

Have we considered the implications of this, combined with Armand’s main source of blood being suicidal people?

[slyvieselkie]

Since the Beginning - Midoriya Izuku

Warning: body shaming, insecurity about looks, family issues, suggestive

Check out my masterlist for more!

Having a prohero boyfriend is really a double edged sword, especially when he's the successor of the Symbol of Peace. Deku, the greatest hero, Midoriya Izuku, is a man larger than life. And to stand next to him, to be loved by him, is an honour and a stain in itself.

You're known as 'His Girlfriend'. The luckiest girl on Earth, a position that many covert for you sit on a pile of riches that he so graciously gifted you. Not only that, Izuku is the ideal man. Compassionate, brave, powerful, smart, a little goofy and nerdy, he's the man every parent wants their daughter to bring home. And that honour belongs to you.

But having Deku as your boyfriend, means that you must also meet the world's standard. A girl that's equally as friendly, sweet, beautiful, successful, an ideal woman for the best man out there. And every day you look in the mirror with the thought, 'Gosh, why does he even like me?', so does everyone else.

Every time the two of you are out in public and get photographed, there'll always be a comment about your weight, your pimples, how it's always Izuku pulling his card out, how you don't treat his fans with respect. And your boyfriend does his best to fight back in the ways he can. In the rare interviews he'll always mention the love of his life, the woman supporting him from behind, who puts up with the 24/7 limelight and harsh critics of those who know nothing. He even enlists the help of his old classmates who try their best to change society's mind. But it only makes you feel more pathetic, that Izuku does so much for you and you can't even present yourself better.

It takes a long, burning, tearful shower for you to finally resolve to change. With a bright smile, you talk to Izuku about wanting to be more healthy and start volunteering.

He cups your cheeks, "Sweetheart, if it's about-", "Izuku, please...just let me have this", and your eyes swirl with so much desperation he can only say yes.

But the green haired man makes a strict schedule for you to follow, he refuses to watch you please the world and drop dead. He asks Ochako to exercise with you, where you start on light cardio and Pilates. Bakugo reluctantly sends you a few tips on healthier eating and even spends a day at your house meal prepping. Izuku doesn't know about this because the villain-like hero would burn your house down. He even asks his old teacher, Thirteen, to help you find volunteer work.

The world's opinion of you change when photos of you helping out at homeless shelters and after villain attacks. You also change as well, he notices. You've become more social, going out more and posing for the cameras rather than hiding from it. He sees your regular posts and stories at the gym, making healthy snacks, promoting charities, going out for brunch with the U.A. Class 1 girls. Izuku couldn't be more relieved. So many nights he has had nightmares of you taking dieting too far or working until you end up in the hospital, trying to become the perfect woman and breaking yourself in the process.

But change takes a long time and no matter what you do, the world will always bring up your past. And you've learnt to live with it, to understand that what you're doing is more than enough. However, that doesn't mean those comments don't hurt. Especially when it comes from the people whose words mean the most.

....

Izuku has met your parents many times. For the three years you two have been together, the hero has always made an effort to know your parents and get along with them. Your family also loves him, your mother is dreaming about the day she sees you in a wedding dress to him. The atmosphere is always warm, comforting, peaceful.

Until the small comments start to sneak in.

"Oh look at how skinny and pretty you are now!"

"Now my son in law will have no problem picking you up!"

"You should've seen her in high school, she would've weighed more than you right now!"

"If only she started dieting earlier! I kept telling her to, but she never listened and now look at her!"

Dieting, exercise, skinnier, prettier, smaller.

Of course you fire back at her. It's all jokes, but Izuku can see how much those words hurt. And every time, the ride back home is silent and you deep in thoughts. And every time after you come out of the shower, he sees you observe yourself in the mirror. Your eyes scan like society once did, looking for the imperfections. Wondering how you can erase the past, so that the world only remembers the pretty and perfect version of you.

His heart breaks, because why are your efforts never enough? He walks in and makes himself known, you jump before giving a soft smile. Izuku tries to return it and quickly digs his face into the crook of your neck. His large and scarred hands quickly hoist you up while you squeak.

As he carries you to the bed, Izuku has so many thoughts going through his head. You've always been pretty, ever since the moment he met you. He's always been able to pick you up, a hero like him should have no problem picking up boulder let alone a person. And he has seen you in high school pictures where you look so cute, he wished he met you earlier. And no, you shouldn't have started dieting earlier. Knowing the situation you were in, you would've only gained an eating disorder.

Dieting, exercise, skinnier, prettier, smaller. He didn't do any of this just to hear that from the people who should've supported you. As he laid you down, Izuku takes you in with trembling eyes. You give a smile back and beckon him closer.

Izuku has always been careful with you. His rough hands ghost your body knowing the damage they could cause, his lips only leave light hickies because he never wants to see you in bruises even if they're from love, he's always wary about the weight he puts on you and your stamina compared to his. But the nights you return from your parents are gentle as a feather. Your body becomes his temple, and he'll never stop worshipping. He oozes love and forces you to soak it up, the love that they should've had for you.

It's ironic when Izuku wants to be so gentle and loving, because it sometimes leads to him become more rough. He has so much to give that he can't see that you're overstimulated. He wants you to see that he loves you unconditionally, resulting in deep hand marks and love bites. Izuku wants you to understand that he's always on your side, so he'll hold you down and do his best to leave you quivering and blank.

....

But regardless of how he feels about your parents, Izuku knows he can't do anything about them. Because he knows that blocking your family isn't easy as it sounds.

"They're...it's just when it comes to this, they can become...off", you whisper trying to calm Izuku down, "Other than that, they're really good."

He knows, he can see it. How you're always sticking to your mother and how she always has your favourite food and snacks at home. How you melt in your father's arms and the way he monitored Izuku when they first met. Izuku sees the photographs hanging on the walls filled with parental love, the injury stories where it sounds like they were just in as much pain as you, the fights when they became a pair of bears.

Izuku also knows that in its own fucked up sense, they say that for your own good. Because he's heard you and your mother on the phone, how hateful she sounds of the media that talked about your weight and looks. Your father used to hate him for bringing you into a world that you never suited, until he finally saw Izuku as a man who loved you.

So Izuku will respect them and be civil. Because they raised you into the person you are today, the most loveliest person that he is honoured to be with forever. Because in their own ways, they also poured love and care into the soul to form it this way.

But that doesn't mean he'll take it lying down. You're his woman, and he'll protect you the way he did when society attacked you. He'll make sure they understand that their words have weight to them, and crush those words until they disintegrate to dust.

He'll do anything to show that you've always been beautiful since the beginning.

Hi Lovelies, meet Izuku the greenest flag ever~!

I hope you guys felt all of the emotions poured into this fic and how much Izuku loves you! I really wanted to portray the struggle of loving your parents and understanding how much they love you, but just having that one issue that always breaks the peace. For the girlies out there living with body shaming, hold your head up high because you have been beautiful since the beginning!

I'll see you another time ♡(˃͈ દ ˂͈ ༶ )♡

[multifandomslxt]

Pleaseeeeeeee Can you please write something Vernon and Bang Chan about girlfriend (reader) feeling insecure about her body and always covering her tummy? And feeling insecure about the big boobs and tights pleaseee? 😭😩🥺

I've never done body worship thingy before so i was kinda lost but I still tried my best. i didn't want to make this too sweet I needed to stir that smut in bihh

I hope you like it <333333

VERNON

Vernon had realized recently that every time you sat down with someone or a group of people you would always grab a pillow to hide your tummy or your purse or your hands. He didn't know why...but he found it weird so he asked you about it "Baby why do you do that" he gestures to your lap because ironically you were doing right now on your couch, in the comfort of your own home. You were still ready to deny it but he beat you to it "Don't lie" You sighed and told him how you just didn't like how your tummy spilled over and touched your thighs "I just feel really unattractive when everyone can see" At first, he didn't say anything, only staring at you with furrowed eyebrows and a frown. As you were about to tell him to forget about the entire situation he interrupts you "But you're hot..." he says it as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. He just doesn't understand how you came to that conclusion. He moves the pillow from in front of you and rests it behind him and before you can use your hand to cover yourself you feel his warm hand start to stroke your stomach. Without warning he completely lifts your top with his other hand. Your tits were completely exposed. "see all this?" "I love every fucking bit. don't question me or second guess when I tell you how beautiful you are" he says sternly "and this" he slaps your thigh and grips it "fuck. if you knew what I go through every time i see them you would get all shy on me" "how about I show you?"

BANG CHAN

"You what?" the shocked voice of your boyfriend echoes through your shared apartment. Both of you were laid across your shared bed having your daily 'talk' You just told him that you wanted to go on a diet and naturally, your ever-so-inquisitive boyfriend asked why. You told him the truth of course "I just think I'm getting a bit...bigger?" You hesitate "specifically my thighs and stomach. Oh, and I also read somewhere that certain diets and exercises can help shrink your boobs so I wanna try that too" You finished and that's exactly how you ended up here. Your boyfriend was currently looking at you like you just grew a head out of your ass. however, that look quickly morphed into a stern one. "Oh shit, here we go." you thought. His jaw was clenched and his hands were rolled into fists. And the eye contact, oh the eye contact was lethal. "Get up and strip." he bellowed "Chan-" you began only to be interrupted by a sharp smack at the back of your thigh "Get up and strip and go stand in front of the mirror" you didn't bother to argue the second time, simply deciding to be obedient. In a couple minutes, you were completely naked in front of the mirror accompanied by nothing but heavy breathing and a burning gaze from your boyfriend who was now sitting at the edge of the bed, manspreading. "don't you fucking look away from that mirror. Keep your eyes on yourself" He announced. With purposeful steps, he made his way to you wrapping his arm around your bare waist and giving it a firm squeeze. "You think I'm gonna let you deprive me of this?" he groaned as he caressed your love handles. you whimpered, trying to not look away from yourself. "Every fucking curve, scar, roll, and inch of cellulite is mine." he whispered in your ear. As he said this his hands roamed all over your body before gripping your ass cheek. "Now repeat after me... and don't you fucking miss a word do you understand me?" "yes, baby" you replied you could feel him smile against your ear. "good girl" his hands left your ass and started to tease your clit. "say, I am beautiful." he starts "I am beautiful." you repeat immediately after, your voice shaky but thankfully you did well. "Every mark, every roll, and every curve" he continues still teasing your clit and making you clench your thighs together "E-every mark, Every roll, and -ah fuck- every curve" you cried out "Deserves to be loved and is loved." he begins to fuck you with his finger. You could feel your orgasm reaching. "Deserves s'to be loved and is Loved - Chan I'm gonna cum!" You screamed He nods at your words "Cum" and you did. it was so intense, your legs were shaking and your vision was blurry you were about to close your eyes until he gave you a sharp smack at the back of your thigh...again. "Don't look away from yourself" and you didn't. There standing in the reflection of the mirror was you. post-orgasm glow, with your stretch marks, cellulite, big thighs, and stomach on display. You were fucking gorgeous.

[theambitiouswoman]

How do I stop feeling so ugly? I feel like my looks hold me back so much and then I just get depressed, so I look worse … it’s a never ending cycle. My lack of self esteem is ruining my life but I just don’t know how to stop.

I'm sorry you're struggling with low self-esteem. Please remember that your worth isn’t tied to your physical appearance!

I want to completely start off by saying that you’re not ugly. None of you reading this are ugly. You may feel ugly, and that’s what shows in your appearance. The universe responds to how you treat yourself. How you treat yourself is how others will perceive and treat you.

You can work on yourself from the inside out or the outside in. Let’s discuss outside in, first.

Make a list and write down what you don’t like, and what you need to do to improve or how would your ideal self look. Don’t compare yourself to other girls. Focus on just YOU. Becoming your favorite version of you and not anyone else.

The first thing I recommend is for you to start working out and eating healthy foods. This is not me saying that your body needs to look a certain way. But feeling healthy contributes to a better self esteem. Working out releases endorphins, will help you feel better about yourself internally. And if body is a goal for you, then this is something you should focus on anyway.

Proper grooming and hygiene, changing your wardrobe and figuring out which compliments your body will quickly easily make you feel prettier and look more attractive. Yes, it’s true. Looking clean and polished shows people that you care about yourself and your appearance. It also makes you look more welcoming by just those little tweaks.

I strongly recommend you start by putting in the effort with that. People will notice, and you will notice people noticing- and it will help you feel better. Your confidence shouldn’t be based on external validation- but I do think it’s a great motivator.

Remember that hating yourself is not going to make you feel better or change the way you look for the better. You have to take the initiative. You have to be tired of feeling how you feel and start making changes for YOU. You are in control. And you deserve to feel good about yourself. Don’t throw yourself a pity party. You are a strong girl. You are a brave girl. You are a capable girl. You are a beautiful girl. And you are not going to get in the way of what feels good to you or your goals because you deserve those things too!

When it comes to doing the work from the inside out.. “if you feel pretty you look pretty” start by focusing on your positive qualities: Instead of fixating on your perceived flaws, try to focus on your positive qualities. Think about your strengths, talents, and accomplishments. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself that have nothing to do with your appearance.

Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Treat yourself to things that make you feel good, like a bubble bath, a good book, or a movie night.

When negative thoughts about your appearance arise, try to challenge them. Ask yourself if they are based in reality or if they are just your own negative self-talk. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations.

I love you! I hope you realize how beautiful and deserving you are soon 🫶

[deadbydangit]

Hey how's it going? I would like to request one where the survivors/killers comfort the chubby reader who is feeling insecure about their body. It could be with David, Jeff, Joey and Evan

Yes, I can do that. In the future, three characters max please. Please enjoy. I'm going to change it to just be insecure about their body so I have more to write.

With a Reader who is Insecure about their Body

David, Jeff, Joey (Legion), Trapper

David King

Body insecurity is something he has never understood.

Then again, insecurity is something he's never understood.

David is a very confident individual.

Not to mention he has the body of a god.

So, he's never had issues with his body image.

So when he hears how you've been feeling, he's very confused.

"What do ya mean you don't like the way you look? You're the sexiest thing on the damned planet."

Aside from not being able to make a tasteful compliment.

He really means it.

And seeing you hate yourself for something he finds so amazing hurts him so much.

Anytime he sees you looking in the mirror he'll go out of his way to compliment you.

Even if they aren't the most appropriate.

He's not always the best with words.

"Damn, that ass in those jeans. Can't get enough of it baby."

He'll even cat-call you from afar while others are listening.

It's really embarrassing.

But he won't stop unless you tell him to.

It's just his way of trying to make you feel better.

If you really want to better yourself, he will help you with the things he can do.

He may not know a whole lot about weight loss or building muscle, but he knows people who do.

And he will sit down for hours and pick their brain to come up with a safe and effective exercise plan to help you.

He'll also ask them a lot of dumb questions.

"So, what's a carb again?"

"Wait, so if fruits have sugar, aren't they bad?"

But eventually, he'll get all the information.

And he will go out of his way to help you.

He'll encourage you through the whole thing.

He'll even write down all your goals and help you keep track of them.

Make sure you write down your goals too, because you won't be able to read his handwriting.

He's so proud of you and he tells you every time you're done with a workout.

And he'll remind you everyday how beautiful you are.

Jeff Johanson

Believe it or not, Jeff is very insecure about himself as well.

He knows he's on the heavier side.

And the scar on his face adds to his lack of confidence.

So when you mention you're feeling self-conscious about your body, he won't tell you to forget those thoughts or tell you how silly you're acting.

He refuses to gloss over your feelings of sadness by simply giving you compliments that won't help.

He'll acknowledge them.

"Love, you are human, and that's normal."

He'll tell you all about his own insecurities and how he has battled with them.

He will then point to every part of your body and tell you why and how much he loves it.

He could spend hours doing this.

It's so sweet and poetic.

He might even start crying because he genuinely means every word he's saying.

But also because the thought of you hurting so badly and hating yourself makes him feel like a failure of a partner.

He wasn't there when you needed him.

He knows he's not in the best of shape, so, if you're really serious about this journey to better yourself, he's going on it with you.

If you're going on a diet, so is he.

He may not know a whole lot about weight loss, so he'll ask people who do.

And he will create a perfect diet and exercise regimen for you both.

And you won't ever feel discouraged.

Even when it feels like you aren't making progress, Jeff will be there to remind you how strong and brave you are.

And how proud he is of you.

If anyone dares make fun of you while you're working out, Jeff will confront them.

"You're making fun of s/o, but they're clearly trying to better themselves. And that's more than I can say about you right now. You should be ashamed of yourself."

And he'll leave it at that.

After, those same people will be cheering you on.

Every milestone you reach he's sure to tell you how impressed he is.

And he'll also tell you how much he loves you every time.

Joey (Legion)

Joey doesn't catch on to things very fast.

You could be eating less or looking at yourself in the mirror more and he won't really think much of it.

It's only one you make a verbal comment on how much you dislike your body does he spring into action.

The first time you said something hateful about yourself his eyes nearly bulged out of his head in shock.

Joey's never really had body image problems.

The mask is just part of his identity, not him hiding himself.

At least, that's what he's forced himself to think.

The more you talk poorly about yourself the harder it is for him to sit still.

So, in order to help boost your confidence, he'll take his mask off in public.

Yes, he does feel uncomfortable without it.

He also needs someone to teach him how to shave better.

But he is proving his point.

If he can be confident with his flaws, then so should you.

If you really want to better yourself, he will help.

He doesn't really think about asking somebody how to formulate a workout that works for you.

To him, you run and you lose weight, right?

That's not how it works.

Eventually someone more knowledgeable will step in and help you two out.

He'll work out with you, cheering you on every step of the way.

Seeing you getting better shape has inspired him to do the same.

It has also inspired the entire Legion to do the same.

So now all of you work out together.

Now that you are feeling more confident in yourself with your body, you can help him find somebody to teach him how to shave properly.

Trapper

Evan is very observant.

He most definitely notices when you stop eating so much or when you look in the mirror more.

But he won't ask you unless he notices something serious.

He figures this is your private business.

And, even though you're in a relationship, you're still entitled to your own private thoughts.

It wasn't until you said something about yourself that he intervened.

He was so angry to hear you say such things that he will pick up whatever he's holding and slam it on the floor.

He isn't angry with you.

He's more upset with himself.

He should have said something sooner when he noticed.

He feels like a failure, that he wasn't there for you and your time of need.

But he will not let you talk about yourself like that.

Anytime you begin to speak that way of yourself he will stop you.

He will then proceed to aggressively compliment you.

It would almost be scary if he wasn't trying to make you feel better.

"You have the most amazing eyes, and I'll kill anyone who says otherwise."

Evan himself is not insecure about how he looks.

He sees the spikes through his body as more of an inconvenience than an insecurity.

And his mask as a tool to scare survivors.

Even so, he remembers a time when they did bother him that way.

And he had to deal with it all by himself.

He isn't going to let you deal with this on your own.

If you want to better yourself he will support you.

As long as you do so in a healthy way he doesn't care how it's done.

He just doesn't want to see you hurt yourself trying.

If you try anything like that he will stop you.

It's just because he loves you so much.

[putschki1969]

【2023 LAST】 I Wanted the Final Video to be a Conversation

Hello, this is Hikaru. Thank you for watching! This time, as this is the last video of 2023, I wanted to feel connected with everyone so I asked you submit questions and messages on Instagram. This is a video that answers your questions! Once again, it is a laid-back and casual video 🍀 I've answered all the questions except those that I can't answer on my own! The video ended up being over 50 minutes 😂 Please kill time during the New Year holidays 🙇‍♀️If you have any video suggestions, please leave them in the comment section📝

I loved this so here are some of my highlights┗(•ˇ_ˇ•)―→

What do you do to take care of your throat and vocal health? She always carries lozenges with her and uses a face mask all-year round

Do you take voice training lessons? From time to time, yes. But those lessons are extremely expensive so she can't afford them too often

Please share an episode with Keiko that left a lasting impression! Hikaru gets asked this question a couple of times but she doesn't really come up with any specific story or anecdote. She does however say that being able to perform together again has been really special this year. She also emphasises how Keiko is like a sister to her, a precious senpai/nakama she looks up to.

Any tips on how to distinguish Hikaru's voice from the other two in Kalafina songs with harmony? Hikaru can't really give any advice because for her, her own voice is obviously most noticeable. She asks all fans who listen to a lot of Kalafina to provide some suggestions in the comment section. [LOL, I am surprised there are still so many people who struggle with this]

Any fan messages that have left a lasting impression? Hikaru makes sure to read every letter, message and comment. They all mean a lot to her. But sometimes someone will tell her something along the lines of Hikaru's music having changed their life and of course Hikaru can't help but be incredibly moved by a sentiment like that.

Something she always pays attention to when singing? Never neglect your emotions, they should always shine through.

Are you in love right now? Hikaru obviously thinks that's a decidedly private question but kudos to her for even including it in the video. She wonders if anyone else aside from the person who sent the question would actually want to know about this. In her mind, the person is probably in the minority so she tells people to leave a comment if they really want to know about her love life. Also, she feels like no matter how she answers that question, people would start worrying about her and she would rather not have that happen.

How to take care of your physical health? Exercise to some extent, stick to a balanced diet with lots of protein, do a lot of strength training to build muscle.

Any overseas food that left a lasting impression? Not particularly but she enjoys trying local items at Starbucks or McDonald's whenever she is in another country

What's your ideal type? What stuff did you fight about in previous relationships? Another question about her love life but since it's not really about her current relationship status she tries to answer some of it. Her ideal type is someone who truly values their family and takes care of them. As for fights, Hikaru is a bit vague here on whether this refers to actual past romantic relationships or just all relationships in general but basically, she is not the type to have emotional outbursts or anything so she doesn't really "fight" with people. It depends on someone's definition of a fight though. For her that's everything that can't be resolved through a civil discussion and she personally never lets it get that far.

Will Hikaru do any anisong covers on her YouTube channel? Hikaru struggles with rights and licenses so it's hard to find songs she can sing on her channel but if she does, she will give it a try

What is your ambition for next year? Hold a solo live in a bigger venue.

What are your thoughts on Kalafina's current situation? Wakana, Keiko and herself are all pursuing a solo career so she would be happy if everyone listened to their music and continued to support them [very neutral but precious answer]

I love Keiko! What should I do? Hikaru is a bit baffled that she would get a question like that. She then goes off on a tangent about the difference between "ai" and "koi". The person asking the question is using the word "ai" to describe their love for Keiko but in Hikaru's opinion, "ai" is probably not the correct term here because if you are worrying about what the other person thinks of you and wonder how you should act, it's more likely a case of "koi" instead of "ai" (with "koi" being more frequently used for romantic love whereas "ai" usually refers to a more general concept of love). As for what that person should do, they should definitely support Keiko's activities.

Please share an interesting anecdote from Kaji.Fes? She thought it was special that she got the chance to change her outfit for the final song (into the world) even though ever performer was supposed to only have one outfit. Then, at the after party she was fortunate enough to be seated close to Yuki Kajiura on her table which is how she ended up drinking a bit of alcohol even though she never ever drinks. That was a fun experiences.

Will you be eating mucchan manju in Fukuoka? [This is a local snack in Fukuoka, Wakana has been doing a lot of promotion for it, it's that thingy she eat in Kalafina's 10th Anniversary Live] Hikaru hopes she has time to eat it

Hikaru's Appearance at "26 Hours Music Champ 2023 Winter" Event

Broadcast date : 12/29 20:00 – 12/30 22:00 Platform: Music Champ

Hikaru's part aired on 12/30 (Sat) 16:00-17:00. She had a special Talk Session and then performed at the "SPECIAL DREAM LIVE 2023 Winter" LIVE🎤airing from 17:00 to 21:00 Official HP: http://music-champ.com/26h-winter Line-up/Schedule :https://www.music-champ.com/26h-winter/26h

Tweet 1 | Tweet 2 by Hikaru

[red-umbrella-811]

Okay, so I wrote this on reddit to a depression doomer, but I want someone who might have an iota of openness to considering it to read it, so I'm posting it here. I assume there will be doomers here too, because depression is depressing. All of these things are things that I've tried, and all of them are things that have made my life better than it was before. All of them I have started in an incredibly janky way and they've still helped. If anyone is interested (or I receive the same combination of depression-based hostility and intense focus), I'll make separate posts on how to actually do the thing.

Things that might make a person's depression improve that don't involved going to a therapist:

Aerobic exercise 4x/week

Membership in a community/close relationships/human touch/human interaction. I'm bundling these together, because in a practical sense, you're making about the same decisions yourself, and the interactions with other people will follow. I recommend finding a "Third Place," such as a sports league or dance community (see exercise), game/knitting/metaphysical store, bar, cafe, meetup group, adult learning class, regular volunteering gig, music venue, RPG group, book club, brunch group...you get the idea. The best ones are open to the public if you're socially isolated or looking to date, because you'll meet a greater variety of people, but anywhere where the same amorphous or literal group of people shows up at a place and time will help you build relationships.

Omega 3 Fatty acids, Vitamin D, Vitamin B-complex, Magnesium: I'm not a doctor and this is not medical advice. They might give you energy and run your body more smoothly.

St. John's Wort: I'm giving this its own thing because the above are supplements that the body gets in its diet, this is a drug™, but you can purchase it over the counter. It inhibits the reuptake of serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, for which there is some evidence that it helps depression on a chemical level. It has mad drug interactions and PLEASE do your research before taking it.

A lot of things in the cognitive behavioral therapy realm. Gratitude practices, affirmations, I'm sure there are CBT workbooks for depression that one could find. The idea is to reframe your thoughts to make sure they are a) true and b) priming you to feel emotions and take actions that will make your life suck less.

Going outside. Living in a suboptimal space is depressing, and so many of us do it. We do better when we see and hear trees. We do better when we see and feel the sun. We process things when our brains run electricity back and forth between the two sides, as happens when walking (drumming is also good for this, or bilateral stimulation from something else).

Accomplish things. I know. This, even more than the many difficult things I've listed, probably feels impossible, but I'm writing it anyway, because it really does help. If you have small tasks you've been putting off, try and get one done. Break up big tasks into accomplishable steps. Not like "Clean the house" to "Clean the bathroom," like "Clean the house" to "throw all the trash on the couch in the trash can" or "get out all the products to clean the bathroom" (the second kind doesn't vibe with me but some people like it)

You'll notice none of this is going to fix the world, except for the shitty little corner the person doing it is sitting in. That's the point. There is so much wrong with the world, and it asks a lot of us to fix it: our labor, yes, and also our joy. And also, our ability to get out of bed in the morning, our ability to send emails, our ability to check in on each other, our ability to keep ourselves out of entanglements with the state and other institutions. I'm not saying this because it's fair, I'm saying it because it's the way out I see in front of us.

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Kicho's Main Story Chapter 7 Part 1

These translations are not intended as a replacement for the game. Please support cybird by buying their stories. JP SPOILERS under the cut. Expect mistakes

A few days later.

Mai: “Okay! I’m done!”

I snipped the thread and unfolded the garment I had just finished sewing.

(I didn’t have enough time, but it turned out pretty good.)

(All that’s left to do is to add some minor touches and do a final check. I think I can make it in time.)

Although the work is not yet complete, a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction fills my soul, bringing a smile to my lips.

(I hope he’ll be happy with the rest.)

The last time I spoke with Kicho was a few days ago when he told me about his past.

After that, he briefly summarized the story.

He met a professor at Honnoji Temple, where he learned about the wormhole and was finally able to return to the Sengoku era after three years.

The place he returned to was the same as mine on the night of the Honnoji Incident.

After telling me all that, he laid down on the bed, exhausted, and told me to get out of his room.

(Since then, we’ve been so busy that we haven’t seen each other.)

(Well, I’m sure we’ll see each other tomorrow.)

(Anyway, I gotta do what I gotta do now!)

I lightly slapped my cheeks with both hands and started working again.

Mai: “Ouch!”

I lost my focus for a moment as I pricked my finger with the needle.

(I’ve been doing this for at least two hours straight.)

(I feel like my eyes are starting to hurt from all the work I've been doing.)

Mai: "*sigh* I think I'll take a break."

I put the needle back and stretched as far as I could, when一

Subordinate's voice: "Excuse me."

Mai: "Yes, is something wrong?"

Subordinate's voice: "I heard there's a package addressed to you. Do you know anything about it?"

(Delivery?)

???: "Hello. Sarutobi Delivery at your service."

(Yes!)

Mai: "Yes, I asked for more fabric. Let him in."

Subordinate's voice: "I see. You can come in then."

With permission to enter, the door opened, and a familiar face appeared.

Sasuke: "Hi, Miss. Thank you for your patronage."

Mai: "No, not at all."

Mai: "Thank you for coming at just the right time. I really need it."

While talking casually, I listened for any noises on the other side of the door and signaled Sasuke with my fingers as soon as the footsteps moved away.

Sasuke: "Mai, it's been a few weeks."

Mai: "Yeah. How have you been?"

Sasuke: "As you can see. No matter what kind of mission I'm on, my health comes first, so I pay attention to that."

Sasuke: "Proper sleep, diet, exercise, and makibishi (metal spikes) are crucial."

Mai: "Does the last one have anything to do with health?"

Sasuke: "Of course, just having these things makes a huge difference in how I feel. How about you?"

Mai: "Hehe, I'm okay."

Mai: "By the way, the fact that you came like this today means..."

Sasuke: “Just as you expect. I have a message from Mitsuhide for you.”

Mai: “I see, so you got to meet him safely. Thank you for doing this.”

Sasuke: “You’re welcome.”

Sasuke: “This may sound personal, but I’m grateful I got to talk to Mitsuhide Akechi in person. So don’t worry about it.”

(His eyes are twinkling.)

(Sasuke is really tough in this way.)

Sasuke: “Let’s get down to business.”

Sasuke: “Mai, you need to get out of this place.”

Mai: “Huh?”

Fuku: “This way.”

Mai: “Yeah, thanks for showing me the way.”

I was on my way to Kicho’s room after catching Fuku as he tried to escape.

Fuku: “Kicho.”

Mai: “It’s gonna be okay. Let’s go back to your room first.”

(Her chirping is somewhat listless. Maybe it’s because she hasn’t been able to spend much time with Kicho.)

(Well, it’s normal to miss the person you love. I miss him too.)

(Wait, what the hell am I thinking?)

I need to concentrate and drive the feelings that keep popping up in my heart.

(I should never feel lonely.)

(After all, I will be his enemy soon.)

------------Flashback------------

Sasuke: “Mai, you need to get out of this place.”

Mai: “Huh?”

Sasuke: “Mitsuhide told me that things had changed while you were here.”

Sasuke: “I think it’s true because it was consistent with the information I had gotten from Kasugayama.”

Mai: “What do you mean by ‘things’?”

Sasuke: “Recently, the rebellions suddenly calmed down.”

Sasuke: “There are almost no skirmishes happening, and Japan is eerily quiet right now.”

Mai: “That can’t be a good thing, right?”

Mai: “Is someone else behind it?”

Sasuke: “Yeah. There must be something going on.”

Sasuke: “It looks like the Oda forces intend to capture Kicho before he can attack them.”

Mai: “Capture!?”

(Capturing Kicho?)

Sasuke: “Mai, are you okay?”

Mai: “Yes, of course.”

He looked at me worriedly, seeing my reaction, and I nodded, pretending that nothing was wrong.

Sasuke: “Anyway, you’ll be in danger if you stay here.”

Sasuke: “We don’t know what might happen, and he might take you as a hostage.”

Sasuke: "They'll execute the plan tomorrow night. You need to escape with Mitsuhide."

Mai: "Tomorrow? That's just too sudden."

Sasuke: "Yeah, but it's much better than taking our time to make a plan."

Sasuke: "You, of all people, should know better that we're dealing with the enemy here. It's better to move before he senses we're on to him."

Mai: "Okay."

---------Flashback Ends---------

(Midnight, huh?)

(Normally, I would be in my room after work, but tomorrow...)

Mai: "I hope the party will be a success."

The same day, time of the boar (9-11 p.m.)

Motonari: “So, everything is pretty much as planned.”

Kicho: “I see. No problems here, either. We’re moving forward with the plans I previously told you about.”

Kicho: “The first ship will arrive tomorrow morning to unload.”

Motonari: “Yeah, I know. If they leave right away, they can make it in time.”

Motonari: “But you’re right. We should have had that thing if we’re going to stock that many.”

Kicho: “What are you talking about?”

Motonari: “Air transportation. Well, I’m sure a ship can carry more than a bird (plane) can.”

Motonari: “Or is there some other way to get around in this world that I don’t know about?”

Kicho: “There is no point explaining it to you. In any case, it’s not possible in this era.”

Motonari: “This era, huh?”

Kicho: “Why are you suddenly saying this? You weren’t interested before.”

Motonari: “Yeah, not one bit.”

Motonari: “You’re always talking nonsense like you’ve really seen it with your own eyes, but...”

Motonari cut off his words and lit the cigar he had taken out. Then, as the tip of the cigar lit up with the same color as his eyes, a thin wisp of smoke rose.

Motonari: “Lately, you’ve stopped talking about this nonsense.”

Motonari: “You’re acting strange today, too.”

Kicho: “..............”

Kicho said nothing and pushed the ashtray quietly toward Motonari, who sighed and blew out the smoke.

Motonari: “I’m telling you, the only reason I’m working with you is that we have the same goals.”

Motonari: “If you ever start acting weird, you know what will happen, right?”

Kicho: “Of course. I’ve come this far. I have no intention of twisting the cause I’ve set forward.”

Kicho: “Besides, I’m no different from you. If you were in my way, I would have taken care of you long ago.”

Motonari: “Ha! Sure.”

With a satisfied grin, Motonari pushed his cigar into the ashtray and stood up.

Motonari: “That’s the end of this pain in the ass talk. I’ll still be your partner for now.”

Motonari: “Let’s watch the grand march in the same hell.”

Kicho: “Yeah.”

After Motonari left, Kicho remained alone in the room and stared at the ashtray.

The remaining cigar was no longer lit and only slightly charred at the tip, but when shaken by the slightest breeze, it started burning red again.

At the same time, in Sakai.

Messenger: "These are the instructions from Lord Nobunaga."

Mitsuhide: "I understand."

Messenger: "Well, I'll be going now."

As the messenger quickly left into the night, a man appeared in his place.

Sasuke: "Mitsuhide, good evening."

Sasuke: "I told Mai about what you said."

Mitsuhide: "I see. Sorry for the trouble."

Mitsuhide: "By the way, why are you dressed like a ninja?"

Sasuke: "Because I'm a ninja. I received an order from the top to return home, so I have to leave this town."

Mitsuhide: "I see. But still, I never thought she knew someone from Kasugayama."

Sasuke: "No matter where we are, we're still friends and from the same hometown."

Mitsuhide: "Same hometown, huh?"

Sasuke: "Yes. I can't go into details, though."

Mitsuhide: "Did you know you can get information using torture?"

Sasuke: "My apologies."

Mitsuhide: "I'm kidding. If anyone can make up for that girl's ambiguity, so be it."

Sasuke: "Mitsuhide. Please take care of Mai."

Mitsuhide: "Yeah, you don't have to tell me. That's what I'm here for."

The Next Day

I was cleaning the area around the entrance in the early afternoon.

Mai: "Hmm. What should I do?"

Sweeping over the cobblestones with my broom, I glanced at the upstairs window.

(I wonder if Kicho is in his room today.)

(I want to deliver it after cleaning this, but I might annoy him if I give it to him out of the blue.)

Last night, after much worrying, I managed to complete the outfit.

However, I still couldn’t decide how to give it to him.

(No, maybe I’m not worried about giving him the clothes. Maybe I’m afraid of meeting him.)

(Because today...)

Kicho’s subordinate: “Hey, Lady Mai!”

Mai: “Y-Yes!”

I turned around to see Kicho’s men beckoning me through the entrance of the trading post.

Kicho’s subordinate: “Lord Kicho wants to see you.”

Mai: “Ehh!?”

Mai: “E-Excuse me.”

Kicho: “You’re here.”

He was standing by the window when I entered the room.

He then looked at me and shifted his gaze to the package I was carrying.

Kicho: “What’s that?”

Mai: “Um, I made you this outfit.”

Kicho: “Outfit?”

Mai: “Yup. A foreign style outfit for today’s party.”

Mai: “Oh, but don't worry. I’m not forcing you to wear it.”

I quickly said this and put it on the desk.

(I don’t have much time to prepare myself for this, but I think it’s better than not giving it to him.)

Kicho: “I see. You beat me to it.”

Mai: “Beat you to it?”

He walked towards the corner of the room and removed the cloth, hanging on to something, revealing a magnificent dress.

Mai: “Wow! It’s beautiful.”

Kicho: “I called you here to give you this.”

Kicho: “Since it’s a party, you can dress up to your heart’s content tonight.”

Mai: “Are you sure you want me to join the party?”

Kicho: “I’m not forcing you to do this, but I need a companion tonight. That’s why I’m inviting you.”

(Is that?)

My heart beats faster as I get the meaning of his words.

(I’m not gonna change my mind now, but I want to be with him as much as possible.)

Mai: “Are you sure about this?”

Kicho: “Do you want me to say no?”

Mai: “No.”

Kicho: “Me neither. I don’t want you to say that to me.”

Kicho: “So much so that I cut off your escape route first with this dress.”

(Kicho...)

Mai: “Then, by all means, please.”

Kicho prepared not only the dress but also the shoes and hair accessories.

Just as I returned to my room and finished putting it all on, someone knocked on my door.

Kicho’s voice: “Mai, I’m coming in.”

Mai: “Sure.”

(Wow...)

I blinked a few times when I saw him enter the room.

Kicho: “How is it?”

Mai: “You look really cool.”

(I designed it myself, but it’s more powerful than I ever imagined.)

Mai: “The colors are perfect for you. It’s really nice.”

Kicho: “I was asking about your dress. It looks like I didn't say it properly.”

Mai: “What?”

Kicho: “First of all, let me thank you. I guess you went out of your way to prepare this for me, even though you have other work to do.”

Kicho: “I could tell how good you are when I put the sleeves on. You’re very meticulous in your work.”

Mai: “Thank you. I’m glad to hear you say so.”

(It’s been a while since I’ve had someone wear and be happy with the clothes I made.)

(I’m really happy.)

As I reflect on my feelings, I realize again that I love doing this.

(Even after coming to the Sengoku period, I’m still me.)

Mai: “Right. Let me thank you too.”

Mai: “Thank you for the beautiful dress. It fits me perfectly and is very comfortable.”

The dress, like those worn by fairytale princesses, was elegantly colored in white, and the hem was made of a generous layer of fabric that, even with the slightest movement, fluffed up.

The waistline was also tight, making me straighten up my back unconsciously.

Kicho: “I’m glad you like it. Now, let’s move on to the finishing touches.”

Mai: “Huh? Finishing touches?”

He placed a wooden box on the table he had brought from his room, opened the lid, and I saw some cosmetic kit inside.

(What on earth?)

Kicho: “Sit on the chair over there.”

Mai: “Okay.”

I sat down, and he stared at me while carefully taking out the makeup kit one at a time and placing it carefully on my skin.

Mai: “You know how to put on makeup?”

Kicho: “Yes, my sister taught me.”

Kicho: “Not only makeup but also how to dress, behave, and everything else so that I can live as a woman.”

Mai: “Your sister really cared about you.”

Kicho: “I wonder about that.”

Mai: “You’re very gentle with your hands. I can tell that you’re taking good care of me right now.”

Kicho: “I see. Well, it’s only natural.”

His long fingertips lifted my chin.

Kicho: “I cherish you. I can assure you that much.”

Mai: “............”

Previous╏Kicho's POV╏Next

[theteablogger]

Same anon re: costuming. CW for weight gain/loss & mentions of EDs

Yes, just as a couple of examples of things which I’ve dealt with which sprang to mind reading about Andy’s history and made me go “yikes”, from school:

- When taking measurements, were taught to *ask* people if they wanted to know them or not (if not, we wrote them down but didn’t say it out loud). I once had someone say before I could ask, “Please don’t tell me, I’m recovering from an eating disorder and can’t know stuff like that”.

- Re: not commenting on weight, that included changes. I re-measured someone from a start of the first semester show to end of the second and she looked significantly different. She kept apologizing because her measurements were larger and finally said that she’d actually lost a bunch of weight because she’d been sick and that’s why she’d been smaller before. I stuck to saying I was glad she recovered, but she was clearly scared of being judged for how her body had changed.

Those are just two things, but thinking about how he habitually talks about weight gain/loss, fatphobia, beauty standards etc around women—the negging, backhanded compliments and lectures from 2018, but also some of the stuff he reffed in that thread (and further back the way those types of situations were exploited for abuse!)—you can see why I find it alarming to think about that being a voice of authority in the context of an industry where actors are (far more than in the context of an art school) consistently under insane pressure with regard to diet and exercise culture, often at the expense of health.

With regard to stunts and SFF/Adventure genres, see here: https://amp.theguardian.com/film/2016/jun/29/why-stuntwomen-are-in-more-danger-than-men

The TL;DR is that tight-fitting costumes which cover less skin, high heels, shape wear etc all make it way easier to sustain injuries. I point it out mainly because it’s a pretty obvious difference between cosplay and actually doing things other than standing/walking around in costume, and also because it’s indicative of a culture where people are far less likely to be held accountable for safety than for making sure it’s all aesthetically pleasing. The “nightmare scenario” is always someone arguing over safety and comfort concerns (whether or not stunts are involved) because of the look and a performer not being able to overrule, and that tragically happens far too often. Even professionals don’t necessarily “call it out” among their peers, same with lookism & fatphobia from those who consider being skinny part of the job description.

It’s the very fact that AB’s online persona these days is all about awareness and sensitivity towards those issues that makes me both REALLY hope he’s serious for once and worried about who might suffer for it if he’s not, and it’s another case where “sensitivity” is used as a matter of knowing people’s “weaknesses”. That’s part of why learning the source of the thread shook me up so hard: it was because the ‘progressive’ industry language was almost right but just slightly off—and then “slightly off” was “Oh okay so when you say you’re intimately aware of people’s body image struggles, did you mean your job, or those times you psychologically tortured your exes? Or set off others’ dysphoria repeatedly? Or…” you get the picture :/

Thanks for writing back, anon! It's always helpful to get perspectives from people involved in costuming.

It’s the very fact that AB’s online persona these days is all about awareness and sensitivity towards those issues that makes me both REALLY hope he’s serious for once and worried about who might suffer for it if he’s not, and it’s another case where “sensitivity” is used as a matter of knowing people’s “weaknesses”.

Well put, and I agree. His persona has been this way at least since he appeared on Tumblr in 2011, and he's definitely said and done plenty of shitty things since then. That's one of the reasons it's always so hard to believe that he's changed: he performs sincerity very well, but when he feels like he can get away with something (like in the summer of 2018), he doesn't practice what he preaches.

[aswallowimprisoned]

Restless far from a Wine Dark sea - Resisting treatment

Logan tries to pursuade the sea monster to submit to a blood test. He is not keen on the idea.

@medwhumpmay

Tw Panic attack, needles, non-con medical procedure, Dead Dove Jewish vampiric whumpee, religious whumpee, coercion

This is set fairly near the begining, when Nathaniel's behaviour has been getting more erratic, swinging between compliance and resistance

masterlist

≪ °❈° ≫

“Fogal, we have a medical task to introduce you to.” Logan spoke evenly, allowing no cause for panic, “We want to take some blood for a blood test. It will only be a very small amount, a syringe full.”

“A test?” Fogal enquired softly, “But I thought you were… experimenting… last time you gave me blood?” 

“We aren't giving you blood this time.” Logan corrected, “We are taking a very small amount of blood from your arm, and then Dr Orange can do some tests on it to make sure that your blood is healthy.”

The merman paled.

“You want to take my blood?”

“A very small amount. You won’t even notice. I promise we will be careful. It's ok,” Logan soothed. The merman was far more anxious than Logan had been expecting - he was usually very good with needles, associating them with heroin and a release from pain.

“No, I, I, what do you need it for?”

“To make sure you are healthy. I promise this is a very common test…”

“That’s… I don't understand.” Fogal was trying to keep the panic from his voice, “You can't tell if people are healthy from blood. I know because all human blood tastes the same. Except if they have been drinking or on coke. And I promise I have only taken the drugs you have given me.” The merman was begging, “I can't move off this bed, I promise Logan. You don't need my blood, you know everything I promise.”

“Hey, hey, calm down Fogal.” Logan let his surprise leak into his voice, “This doesn't have to be frightening, it's very simple, it is just a small needle, it won't hurt much.” 

“Ok. Ok ok ok ok ok.” Fogal started tapping out a breathing pattern into his tail. Logan let him calm himself, -Pause. Calm. Please. Pause.- he asked.

“I can pause for a moment to let you calm yourself.” Logan allowed. The merman struggled through his breathing exercise, twitching occasionally against his restraints.

“Why?” Fogal finally gritted out.

“Blood contains many chemicals that can tell us about health. We give you opiates frequently, and so we are worried about giving you too much medication that will damage your liver and make you ill. We want you to stay healthy, so we want to check it.” Logan watched the words sink in. The merman continued to writhe in discomfort at the concept.

“I don’t understand why this one is so frightening to you,” Logan socially pressured, “you are usually so good with needles…”

“You want to take my BLOOD,” Fogal ratchetted right back up to borderline hysterical.

“It is a medical test. I myself undergo regular blood tests. It does no harm.”

“You let them take your blood. You.” Fogal whispered, still terrified. 

“Yes. There is no reason not to. It is for my health.”

Fogal shook his head, disbelieving.

“Blood is the soul, the lifeforce of the body. My cursed vampiric diet is proof of that.”

Ah that makes sense.

“I see why you came to that conclusion,” Logan conceded, “And why, because of that belief, you are more worried about this test.” He validated the feelings, “But if, as you say, blood has no use other than to nourish you, surely there is nothing nefarious we can do with your blood, other than the aforementioned medical reasons?”

“I can’t do magic with the blood…” and yet the merman was still near wordless with terror.

“And neither can we.” Logan tried to shut the conversation down, try to bulldoze on to the procedure so the sea monster could see a blood test was genuinely not frightening “Let us show you. Nurse Brunel is just going to put this piece of rubber tightly around your arm…”

The merman burbled with fear as the nurse secured a tourniquet around his upper arm.

“No, no Logan please, don't do this, Logan...” He started to writhe, viciously fighting his bonds, leather creaking.

“This is getting dangerous Logan,” Elias warned over the comms, “I don’t think he is ready…”

Logan acknowledged his co-anthropologist’s input, and dismissed it. If they gave up now, the sea monster would never allow the simple and essential procedure. And if he did try to fight, this would be a learning opportunity as to why resisting his captor’s wishes would always be fruitless. 

“It will only hurt a tiny tiny bit, a little needle, then it's fine.”

Nurse Brunel took up the needle.

“NO!” Fogal gasped. He looked Logan straight in the eye, and started to chant.

“Khri khmimi bdikula bziia”

“I don't know what he is saying.”

 “…aibdur tbluniikhi, prkha zika lmurika khdta…”

“Fogal, stop speaking, stop speaking and calm yourself.” Logan commanded, tone steady, before lowering his voice to speak into the microphone. “Is it a prayer?”

“Not one I recognise.” There was fear in Elias’ voice, “Logan, we should stop him. The merpeople’s magic is song based, and we don't know what he is saying.”

The fear in the room was palpable.

“Gag him,” the military coordinator intervened. Immediately, the merman was restrained from all angles, a rubber strap forced between his teeth as he screamed. “But complete the blood test anyway. We can’t keep letting him get away with bad behaviour.”

The sea monster writhed, and writhed and screamed and writhed. Nurse Brunel’s body language was showing his reluctance and pity, but still he forced the butterfly needle into the writhing merman’s arm.

a/n Nathaniel believes in witchcraft. It is very rare for Jewish people to believe in evil witchcraft nowadays, but Nathaniel is a couple of centuries old and from a time where a belief in witches was more common place, and from a place/time where witchcraft was viewed negatively (many times in history Jews were much more tolerant than Christians of witchcraft when being used for good, and most women kind of dabble in witchcraft cos thats what women do). 

And, he reasons, humans didn’t believe in merpeople till recently, so why couldn’t witches exist? (Witches are the same in the wine dark sea universe as they are in real life, but he is still afraid). 

I found this curse against witchcraft on My Jewish Learning, then anglicised it using google translate, making it equal opportunities indecipherable to anyone, whether you can read Hebrew or not.

But it is an awesome (but graphic):

Hot feces in torn date baskets in your mouth, witches; may your hairs fall out because you use them for witchcraft; your crumbs, which you use for witchcraft, should scatter in the wind;

[its-actually-minicika]

Girl I love your stuff but be so fr…. Not you complaining about how people ask you about the AI and not when you’re gonna update THW. Because when THEY DO you start bitching and moaning about it too!!!! Yes you WERE correct, we all are just strangers on the Internet!!! GET A THERAPIST, seriously

Hey, are you okay? I understand that you're upset, but maybe take some time to ask yourself why you felt the need to lash out on anon like that.

We are strangers on the internet, but decency shouldn't be given out only when others can see our faces.

I'm truly sorry that my PSA upset you - believe me, it wasn't at all my intention. I understand, and you are seen.

However, this is my blog, my AI and my pieces of writing. These are my feelings and personal preferences that I shared with you guys. Please don't be upset if they don't match up with yours. :)

If you're battling with waves of anger or feeling misunderstood, if you'd like to vent to someone or simply have a chat sometimes, know that I am here for you. Be it via PMing or anon form, feel free to reach out to me.

A while ago, one of my dear friends and mutuals (@annikin-im-panicin) made a list of internet tools that people may use if they're feeling like their own emotions are running a bit too high. I will try to link them here as well, while adding my own to the bunch.

Coping Skills

Mindfulness-exercises

Understanding my Feelings

Why my words can hurt

While I am not saying this is your case, a tool that personally helped me when I coudn't process my emotions well was bullet journaling. Maybe it can help you too!

I took Psychiatry this year in med school, and my Professor urged all his students to pursue the following when trying to uplift their spirits without immediate professional help:

1) Keeping a structured sleep routine by waking up and going to bed at the same time each day;

2) Trying to be mindful of your overall diet and nutrients;

3) Going out and walking for at least 30 minutes every day;

4) Mentaining a semi-regular social life;

And, of course, if any of these methods fail, always reach out to a professional and/or someone you trust to help.

Please stay safe, and have a good rest of your day. Remember that you're not alone, and that we can always change ourselves with the right push and motivation.

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

ive been going back and forth about asking this but as someone who never had healthy eating to a healthy approach to body image modeled for me, what does waning the healthfully lose weight look like? ive been considering trying to lose weight for health reasons (my doctor supports me if i choose to or not) but i realize i have no idea how to keep diet and exercise from becoming disordered. thank you for your time

That is a very good question! I'm glad you have access to a medical professional who supports you either way. I'm going to go ahead and put my answer under a cut so that people who find diet advice triggering can choose not to read. The truth is that for many people who've experienced disordered eating, all dieting is a risk and can lead to ED relapse. I was really hesitant about answering this, because I do personally believe in health at every size, and because I do not know your specific medical needs/previously existing medical conditions. However, because as someone who had to be put on a very restrictive diet when I was experiencing terrible GI problems, I REALLY wish I'd had someone to talk me through having to restrict with a previous ED, because it was SO triggering. I truly hope my advice can help, whether you choose to pursue this or not.

I am going to bold something I ended up putting in the end of my written piece, though: If you try still find yourself struggling too hard with your mental health and body image, it's really okay to stop dieting. If you find yourself too hungry, too tired, just too deprived, you can quit. I don't know how you feel about the "health at every size" movement, and I do not know your current weight, nor do I need to ask. All I know is that ANYTHING is healthier than developing a lifelong eating disorder. And I know that you deserve a life in which you feel the best you possibly can, regardless of what that looks like! I personally believe it is okay to be fat. Yes, really. It is okay to be fat. It can be hard, in this world that demonizes fatness, to accept that for yourself, but it is okay to be fat. And it is much, much healthier to be a self-loving fat person than to be someone who self-destructs in pursuit of thinness.

Please take care of yourselves, followers. Know your limits and mind the tags before reading on.

So if you choose to pursue this, first and foremost, make sure you're not cutting too many calories, because you will fuck up your metabolism in the long run. Remember that 2000 (give or take) is considered the MINIMUM for an adult. Many diets recommend 1500 - that is BAD. That is a starvation diet. There have been studies showing this will fuck with your metabolism and health long-term. 2000 is the minimum, and remember that calories have no morality. You may find yourself needing to add more if your exercise plan is particularly rigorous. Remember, giving your body what it needs will make it feel safe. Exercising while going into deprivation mode will trigger your body into starvation mode in the long run.

That leads me into a segue - never let your body feel deprived or starved. This is the gateway to eating-disordered thinking - the idea that you should deprive yourself if your body is not where you feel it "should" be, or that you are displaying moral weakness for feeding your body when it tells you it needs feeding. Use intuitive eating - eat nice and slow, savoring each bite, and absolutely keep eating until your body tells you it feels full enough. Remember, once your body is full, there is nothing wrong with putting away the rest for leftovers!

(And keep in mind - eat until you feel ACTUALLY full, not using ana tricks to make your body temporarily THINK you are full.)

Take joy in cooking and finding new foods! Food is not bad. It is something that we all need and it is natural for us to take pleasure in it, so don't let your eating or food prep experiences become "guilty!" Experiment with nutritious recipes, savoring the journey of finding what you like, and remember, you don't have to force yourself to eat specific foods if you don't enjoy them. I know kale got really big a while back, but it's just not for everyone. (It can also be cooked in different ways - it is VERY difficult to enjoy raw kale.) Now drinking liquefied celery seems to be the new fad diet. You don't have to like that either (I hate celery, myself!) There is no morality attached to eating foods that you hate because the latest fad diet says you have to, and you do not deserved to be deprived of enjoyable food at ANY size, remind yourself of that! Remember that your body does not need to "detox" from food, and that there are a wide variety of foods that can offer you good nutrition. Depriving yourself leads to a mentality of feeling like you deserve to be deprived. Do your research and find what you like.

Remember that healthy fats, carbs, salt, and sugars are necessary nutrients. While your doctor may advise you to somewhat reduce these things, do not trust ANY diet that tries to keep you from incorporating these things into your regular meals. (In fact, you need many of these things in order to properly absorb your vitamins.) Eat complete meals rather than falling to fad diets.

You are human and humans need little treats! If you have a favorite type of "junk food" it will not lead to a healthy mentality to deprive yourself of it completely. Your doctor may advise you to reduce the quantities of these treats and replace them with more nutritious snacks, but a total-deprivation diet is not mentally healthy. Keep your treats. Remember that your worth does not decline at ANY size, and you deserve to have treats here and there at ANY point in your journey. And that's ANY treat. Yes, processed food. Yes, refined sugars. Yes, "empty calories." We all deserve a little bit of our favorite things every now and again, and these foods have no morality. They are not "guilty" or "bad" foods. They're treats. Allow yourself to enjoy them. I also would NOT follow the practice of setting aside one specific "cheat day" where you allow yourself to go ham, followed by more restriction. I'm concerned that could lead to a binge-restrict pattern, fuck up your metabolism, and encourage an unhealthy relationship to guilt and food. Instead, allot yourself these treats in measured amounts throughout your week.

(Also, try to keep from falling into the mentality that you are only allowed to feel joy, pride, happiness, etc once you have reached a certain weight. If you never lose an ounce, you are every bit as human and worthy as a hypothetical thinner self. If you deprive yourself of joy in the process, having no idea how long it will take, you may arrive at your weight goal only to find that you have forgotten how to feel positively about yourself as a person along the way.)

Remember that exercise is not for punishing your body! Try to find exercise that you enjoy. You can take little walks while listening to music. Perhaps you can go swimming, try yoga, or sign up for a dance class. It can be hard to do these things while you don't feel comfortable in your body, but remember that regardless of what anyone else thinks, you deserve to have activities you enjoy at EVERY size. Typical exercise like running and lifting are totally fine, but not everybody likes these things and that's okay. There's no morality to that either. Some people just hate running. Remember that you're trying to create a lifestyle in which your mind and body feel good, a life that you enjoy. So ask yourself, as you exercise - are you doing something good for your body, or are you punishing your body? Your body does not deserve to be punished. (And don't be discouraged if you have to work up to the exercise abilities you want. It doesn't happen overnight.) Oh, and you don't need to exercise excessively after a holiday or a treat! Exercise is not something you use to punish yourself for eating. Eating is a life necessity, not a punishable offense. Remember that.

Allow yourself to enjoy events like holiday parties, birthdays, family events. It can be hard not to struggle with guilt on these days, but you are still deserving of enjoying the treats and festivities at any size. And if well-meaning family members try to guilt you, feel free to let them know that if you wanted their advice, you would ask.

Do not be tempted to punish your body through restriction or painful levels of exercise, even if you don't lose weight as fast as you'd wanted to. Even if you find yourself not losing any weight at all! All bodies and metabolisms are different, and you don't deserve to punish yourself no matter what. These behaviors can create mental health problems and can set you up for serious long-term physical health problems down the line. And you deserve better than that - at ANY size! Keep in mind that you may not end up at the ultimate weight you had envisioned, but try not to become frustrated. Go at it slowly and steadily. Drastic levels of rapid weight loss just do more harm than good. Try to enjoy where you are at every part in the process, and give your body love and appreciation wherever it's at. There is a lot of pressure to want and relentlessly pursue a thin body, but it's not sustainable if you can't be in the moment loving your body along the way.

And finally, if you find yourself struggling with a mentality of guilt, shame, or fear around food, it is okay to go off your diet. If you find yourself too hungry, too tired, just too deprived, you can quit. Yes, really. There can be a lot of stigma or shame attributed to a "failed" diet, but there is nothing shameful about making the right choices to best protect YOUR mental and physical health. So if you try this and still find yourself struggling too hard with your mental health and body image, it's really okay to stop. I don't know how you feel about the "health at every size" movement, and I do not know your current weight, nor do I need to ask. All I know is that anything is healthier than developing a lifelong eating disorder. And I know that you deserve a life in which you feel the best you possibly can, regardless of what that looks like! I personally believe it is okay to be fat. Yes, really. It is okay to be fat. It can be hard, in this world that demonizes fatness, to accept that about yourself, but it is okay to be fat. And it is much, much healthier to be a self-loving fat person than to be someone who self-destructs in pursuit of thinness.

I might suggest you consult with a therapist and nutritionist who might be able to help you monitor yourself, and might also help you gain better insights into your mentality around body image and food. That way you're not doing this alone and will have other people to tell you if what you're doing is taking a turn into the unhealthy/disordered.

Whatever you decide to do, anon, I hope you find a life that you enjoy and in which you feel well!

[holding-monsters-hands]

Hii! This is a bit of a personal one as I have this!!

Could u do some of Medic, Engie, Soldier and maybe Sniper with an S/O who has PCOS?

If not that is ok!! ;w;

Have a nice day!

yes yes absolutely!! i’m open to everything (within reason, ofc)! but if I mess anything up please message me and I’ll do whatever I can to fix it!

Medic, engie, sniper + soldier with an s/o that has PCOS

Medic:

Being a questionable medical professional, you can count on him to make life just a tad bit easier!

He makes sure to put you on certain medications that can assist with the symptoms and also with any uncomfortable/or even painful symptoms.

You two even keep a strict period tracker so if there is any severe irregularities, he can work on getting your period a bit more on track.

But even while he treats you for your PCOS, he will repeatedly assure you that he’s gonna stick by your side through it all- whether it’s a good or a bad day, whether your hormonal irregularities are at their worst or their best- he’s got you!

Engineer:

Oh his heart just breaks for you, he hates to see you struggling with this, or anything for that matter!

He could care less what you look like no matter how much hair you have or what your weight is as long as you’re at a healthy, stable point.

He just wants his darling to feel better, and he’ll be there with you every step of the way.

You two even figure out what foods to avoid + what foods to eat that’ll make you feel even just a tad bit better! he’ll even strictly avoid the foods you can’t have for himself, just to show you his support.

Sniper:

Oh he absolutely feels for you, but there is not one second where he treats you like a victim.

He treats you like you’re one kick ass human being for dealing with this on the daily and STILL living your life to its fullest, that’s pretty badass in his opinion!

If you ever become insecure about the hair loss/gain or rapid weight gain/loss, he will always tell you how lovely you are regardless- he thinks you’re the most wonderful thing, and no change in your appearance could take that away.

He does cardio with you on your better days where you’re able to get up and do it, you guys just start off with simple laps and gradually go longer distances- it’s good for both you and him, and it finally gives him a good reason to get some exercise!

Soldier:

Not to worry, this man is your biggest cheerleader!

He may be a little dense to some of your symptoms or even parts of your condition at first, but he never means any harm with his questions or curiosity- he just wants to know how he can help.

He does a bit of research of his own, and even asks medic for some advice- and he found out that for certain types of PCOS, exercise and cardio can help a bit!

So not only does he diet with you (+ avoiding foods that are harmful to you), but he also does specially curated exercises with you! now of course, he won’t force you to do this with him every day, especially on harder days where you are severely uncomfortable and hormonal, but he will always give you that good push whenever you need it.

[ambiguouspuzuma]

Type 3

As requested by @sleepyowlwrites, here's a little prequel to this story:

There are three permanent types of diabetes, he remembered from his training. The first you're born with, and have to manage using insulin. The second you pick up during your life, and can sometimes manage with changes to diet and exercise, or other medication. The third you contract upon your death. There's nothing you can do about that.

Dr Theodore 'Ted' Spong was a good-humoured man. As parish physician, he had to be. People only came to him with complaints, and he couldn't very well meet them with his own; if he had any grumbles or gripes, he'd long since learnt to tuck them away, like the good brandy he kept in a cabinet back home. He largely worked in the public eye, but some things were best mulled over in his own time.

He hadn't grown up in the sticks, but he liked it here. Outside of surgery hours, he enjoyed long walks across the moors, taking in the beauty of the mist-soaked landscape; within them, he met a range of fascinating characters, the sort of people you never got to meet in the city, each with their own idiosyncrasies and health complaints. He'd come across conditions he'd only read about, and patients who'd never learnt to read.

The people here led simple lives, divorced from the innovation and progress that drowned the city in smoke, but that meant his job had been anything but. They could be credulous at times, and a large part of his time was spent championing science over superstition, miracle cures and folk remedies. Unfortunately, they now had a champion as well.

There was a new doctor in town, by the name of Madame Silja, and she was undoing all of his hard work. To call her a doctor was a courtesy, for she had clearly never studied for a licence as he had, or read any book of medicine less than a century old. She was driving his parish backwards, towards the dark ages of draining bad humours away, although he never saw her wading for leeches on his walks. In fact, he'd barely seen her at all, until the night she showed up at his surgery door.

"I feel unwell," Silja said. She looked it, too. Her face was gaunt and drained, her body likewise emaciated underneath her clothes, visible even in the gloom. This was a woman at death's door as much as his.

Ted fought the temptation to gloat. Oh, and the leeches didn't hit the spot? Come crawling for some proper medicine, have we? That wouldn't be right. Nemesis or not, this woman lived in the parish, and that made her his patient. He was a good natured man, and a physician first of all. If he was to bring her out into the light, the best way would be to lead by example.

"What are your symptoms?" he asked, ushering her inside. She stood uncertain in the doorway, perhaps also having second thoughts about coming to him for help, but there was no time to lose. "Please, come in."

"I feel... tired," she told him, collapsing on a proffered armchair. The cushion barely sank under her weight.

"You're losing weight?"

Silja nodded. "I'm losing my appetite. But in its place there's this incessant thirst, a void no amount of water seems to sate."

"Any changes to your mood? Feeling suddenly irritable?

"What do you think?" she snapped. "I've just told you I'm thirsty all the time. Yes, it's irritating. Have you ever had an itch that you can't scratch?"

Ted usually told his patients not to scratch any itch, but he kept quiet and let her settle down. Madame Silja seemed so frail, but there was still something threatening about her - something unsettling and strange. It was a tingle at the back of his neck, like something primal, but he forced it down again. He wouldn't scratch that itch either.

He had no room for prejudice in his work, nor outside of it, and that was probably all this was. He didn't often see people with her kind of ancestry, not since he'd left the city. Whatever ancestry that was. Her skin was dark, although it seemed that it had since grown paler. She reminded him of a colleague from his studies, an Ottoman doctor by the name of Şefik. Was her name similar? Perhaps he could try to build a bridge between them.

"Tell me - you wouldn't happen to have any Turkish blood in you, by any chance?"

"Oh, I dare say I might," Silja replied. The question had served its purpose, for she flashed a smile for the first time, but Ted found himself more unsettled than ever. "Why do you ask? Is it something to do with my illness?"

"No, no, I was just curious," he said, increasingly nervous. "I know it isn't my place to guess, but I thought I'd take a stab in the dark."

"I'm not a fan of those, as a rule," she said. "But thank you for taking an interest. My patients are... rarely conversational. I don't often get to talk about myself. Do you find the same? Do you live nearby?"

"The good news is that I think I recognise your symptoms." Ted moved back onto steadier ground. "Although I'll need to take a blood sample."

"Oh, of course."

"For testing," he clarified. Anxiety or not, he wouldn't tolerate any of that nonsense here, in his temple of modern medicine. "Then we'll move on to treatment."

It was diabetes, he was sure, but he didn't know which strand. Was this a late diagnosis of type one? She didn't look much like a typical case for type two. There were others, he knew: gestational diabetes, picked up in pregnancy to meet the additional demands on the body. Perhaps it was something like that. A change, as if the whole body was gestating, metamorphosing into something... no, there was no medical basis for that. What was he saying?

"You might need to start taking medicine," he told her. "But mostly I suspect you'll need to make some changes to your diet."

"That's fine by me," she said, flashing another awful smile. "I'd figured that part out myself."

[withlove-kiddette]

Hello, I’m deciding to be an actual pathetic attention whore for once in my life instead of hiding the fact that I want attention for once 🧍🏻‍♀️

TW: Mentions of weight, for those who ha ED’s, please leave if you have to and take care of yourself 🫶🏻

I’ve been feeling surprisingly down as of late. And discovered that I’m actually at 144lbs/65kg which I’m happy for because I was at 160lbs/72kg since a few months ago and I’ve been trying to lose weight and I’m doing great as you can see.

But my brain keeps screaming at me that it isn’t enough and that there is a long way to down to 130lbs/58kg, which would be a normal weight.

Context with a nice dose of childhood trauma (if you don’t wanna get depressed please skip this part,srsly):

So I know over explaining myself is kind of dumb, but in case someone would like to lend me an ear for a moment when I was little, like around 6 years old, my Dad started to get obsessed with my weight and insisted that I needed to go on a diet and do exercise. He would scream at me that I was fat, even if I was actually at a pretty normal and healthy weight. For a while I even thought that I needed to starve myself to do lose weight, I never fell into a restrictive eating disorder, but it definitely left me with some disordered thinking.

End of context.

As of now, with the progress I’ve done. I feel more attractive and healthier, I even look at my back now in the mirror and feel like it’s the most attractive area of my body now, which wasn’t the case in the past and was one of the parts I hated the most to look at because unlike my belly, I can’t hide my back all the time (tropical climate go brrrrr).

I know damn well this is also coming from self esteem issues, like, I know myself, I know my self esteem it’s in the negative numbers still 😭

But you know…just this once…could any of you pretend to be my platonic dom real quick and praise me for my weight loss? 👉🏻👈🏻

I know I’m dumb for asking for attention and yes, I do sometimes speak to friends about this, but right now the therapist I have doesn’t manage trauma or gives DBT :’D So I’ll have to put doing the work with a professional in hold for a while, which means also putting on hold professionally working on my self esteem issues.

I just need a little bit of praising today, even if it is from strangers online who would probably use me for their devious intentions in a heartbeat lmao I just want to be a good girl today, please? Sir? Miss? 🥺

[fettesans]

I wrote a text to accompany the announcement of Felix Deiters' exhibition The Questionnaire which opens Friday, 13 October 2023, 6–9 PM at SOX. If you are in Berlin, please join us.

--

🎶How does the disappearance of time influence your mood, mental health and bodily experience? Help us find out by signing up for, and sharing, our new pre-registered survey! These surveys will track your mood, your experience of the (time) crisis, and your interoceptive experiences on that day. You can stop at anytime, and should do so if you feel any distress whatsoever from completing the surveys. 🎶

The first time she had her tarot cards read, she was told to keep her question quiet, to herself. And in this crowded bar she took a breath of relief and with sedulous silence, she uttered nothing. Oh, how good this felt to be offered both the question and the answers, she had thought.

Considering how much biometric data she had shed into the world, it was astonishing how much more diffuse she was with information. She told herself this spoke of a desire to inhabit other identities, of voraciously collecting stories, of wanting to remain odd-angled, hazy-like, being based nowhere-in-particular but here, and of always preferring another scene altogether, like a second opinion to her own thoughts. Anything but a straight answer, and never settling on a favorite color. Not that she didn’t have one, she simply preferred to complicate impressions made of her.

But a questionnaire isn’t a manifesto, I told her.

In 1617, an interrogatory comprising eighty-four items guided the commissioners of Eichstätt in Bavaria in their investigation of suspects. Some of the questions were grouped under topics, such as “Diabolical lust” or “shapeshifting.” Under the latter, one of the questions asked was “Whether she did not change into other forms; why, how, when, and by what means did it happen (no. 75).”

In a world where death came often and unannounced, I imagined how such questions required precise answers when the only guides were shaped by dictated prayers and confession-by-fire.

A questionnaire would have to be cast like a spell, she said. And the answers would bear the contours of a knife found in the crease of a striped couch. Words thrown like insults to exercise one’s conjured slang—the bastard tongue lovingly excoriating the mother. Or Panacea fucking Epione, I said over her laugh.

She wanted to know if there was this one lie I kept, and would always reach for when trying to give a satisfying answer to a stranger felt like watching my doppelgänger reach into my organs with a grin. I realized that I didn’t possess such a handy tune to sprinkle. I already killed the louche fucker, I probably answered instead.

I take that you have one to recite, I asked. Yes.

She had always loved taking and trying on things from her friends�� closets, or from a lover’s bedroom floor, a shirt worn the night before preferably, and when they would say you look good, she would always believe it. She thought how such gestures were templates to her own advice column, or towards an entire self-help book for casting foolish yet sensual responses when each question is a riddle. After all, advice—whether unsolicited, unwarranted, or desperately sought—appeared in ancient philosophical treatises, and medieval medical manuals, before it became the golden smear of Facebook’s actually infinite News Feed.

It was the hospital regime that produced the first sets of standardized protocols for the collection of information forms to be filled in by doctors. Volker Hess and Andrew Mendelsohn have written about “the technology of paper pre-scribing,” namely, blank sheets ruled in columns to obtain particular data. By the end of the 18th century, hospitals in Berlin and Vienna used these to record patient admission, diet, and discharge (or death). More detailed diagnoses and treatments for each patient came to be added, or recorded, on separately configured sheets or in journals. In long-practiced disciplines, such as medicine, the categories or topics written at the top of the columns – symptoms, diagnosis, prognosis, cure, etc. – functioned as implied questions.

I told her how much I loved to look at my multiple reflections formed by opposing mirrors in the entrance halls of the old Charlottenburg apartment buildings. Like a relentless acquisitor of circumstances, you seem to extend into the infinite when in reality you get progressively darker and fade into invisibility, long before you even get to the end. I remember how she looked at me as if I had just hurled an occult formula she could deviate into a questionnaire. It’s in the way mirrors reaffirm body consciousness by gesturing deceptively towards our inherent failure of communication—how my reflected body would be saying no when I wanted yes. Is that what being in the world means to you? she finally asked me. Maybe.

The push and shove of wanting, immersed in such an unstable, expansive present. How does one sequence self disagreements? I responded.

Eventually, I told her that the questions I’ve answered best were always the ones conferred like orders by a lover, questions without interrogation points, permissions really. As if possessing a strange talent like drawing blood simply with their fingers touching my skin. Conjuring veins for a laugh, or a fuck, and never expecting words. She would attempt a dispute, insisting that a questionnaire is always like an armor to the one who asks. The one who asks doesn’t have to endure any of the arrows yielded in return, she yelled at me. I remember how I stroked her hair, consoling her fantasy of opting out by saying that she needed to commit more dramatically to the source of the conflict by spending even more time on Quora. Finally, she kissed me with a smile. I remember having said something like how in his genius, Bob Flanagan had gotten rid of the power of decision-making by stealing all of the arrows. Turning his curse into something better than any audience when he had raised this army of Saint Sebastien longing for his embrace.

Perhaps questionnaires are the ultimate aporia between words and meaning, they suggest the most imperceptible forces, from moon tides to the incomprehension of decay. They force a collaboration like a hieratic plot, so deceptively arbitrary yet often bearing a scheming motive, that when a question eventually satisfies the curiosity, it induces the rattled wish to have had an entirely different one asked.

Did I only give you love when you were in pain? I don’t know. I was in pain so much of the time.

Excerpts from Daniel Midena & Richard Yeo (2022) Towards a history of the questionnaire, Intellectual History Review, 32:3, 503-529, DOI: 10.1080/17496977.2022.2097576