#‘’No one gives a shit if you’ve got Honours as an artist'’

[algrenion]

ok, i will post one☝🏽(1) Graduation Photo 👩🏽‍🎓

27 years in the making, 10 of them in higher education — through literal near death experiences, a value pack of disabilities, and a high school attendance of 6% because of them… somehow…

…you’re looking’ at a Bachelor of Arts in Communication Design babieeee let’s freakin goooo 💪🏽😭💕

[sugurouge]

TEA MY LOVE I HAVE A REQUEST. And I know you are the only one I trust with this cause I know you’ll kill it maybe a little nsfw drabble of Tattoo Artist!Endo (or Togame whoever you’re feeling) fucking you in his shop after giving you a sternum tattoo? (Or like any tattoo it doesn’t matter I just peg him as a boob guy lol) He’s just starting down at you, one well placed whimper of pain has him snapping. OKAY I LOVE YOU BYE 🏃🏻‍♀️💨

listen, listen, THANK U SO MUCH IM HONOURED TO HAVE YOU BE MY FIRST EVER WIND BREAKER REQUEST!! BUT as if i could think about togame if you bring endo up first. i couldn't make him fold right on the spot, he somewhat tried to be a professional (or i just like to make him suffer)! but thank you so much for your trust and i hope i don't disappoint <3 i also can't shut up so forgive me for the length

— sickly sweet : tattoo artist!endo yamato x f!reader

summary: you heard about a great tattoo artist online. his reviews were astounding, almost too good to be true. but the shared images of his works convinced you to enter his shop. even more handsome than transferred online, endo welcomes you in, open and down to fulfil your request on the spot. he needed to stall some time anyway. but he didn't expect to be this affected by a pair of boobs and pretty whimpers

wordcount: 1.3k

content warnings! smut, pet names like angel & sweetheart, unprotected sex, slight exhibitionism, obviously you're getting tattooed so there will be mentions of needles and blood, don't try this with your tattoo artist

Customers like to stare at Endo's exposed body, at the tattoos decorating his skin. And he loves it; he practically basks in the attention. So, seeing your curious eyes roam over his arms, shoulders, and neck really shouldn’t distract him. You’re here to get a tattoo in a rather painful area of your body. Placed beneath him on the tattoo lounger, fighting like a brave soldier. You want a pretty tattoo, so you’ve got to be good for Endo to work his magic.

Yet, he keeps thinking about how you jerked beneath his touch when he placed the stencil on your skin, when he fixed up the lines by drawing on your chest. He made sure you were comfortable, even taping the fabric of the towels in place, should your arms grow tired of protecting your tits from his hungry, concentrated stares.

You can see the heavy swallow in his throat, see the way his brows furrow behind his curls. The handsome guy tattooing and touching you all over is really the only thing that keeps you from crying out loud.

Neither of you expect the adorable whimper that slips past your lips as Endo’s hand rests on your chest for stability. The needle just hit a sensitive spot. “I-I’m sorry,” you stutter, trying to act cool, tough.

Fuck, you’re so cute. He shakes his head, fighting his inner demons, struggling to stay professional. Thank God he covered half of his face behind a hygiene mask. “No problem,” he murmurs. “I know it hurts like shit; got one myself.” Your little hum in response is nearly as heavenly as your whimper. Please, whimper again.

Endo presses his feet into the ground, forcing himself not to bop his leg. Yeah, he needs a break; he can't think straight, can't ignore the weight of his cock in his jeans. But he's almost done, so close to finishing up and shooing you out of his shop. “Nearly there, sweetheart,” he says, the pet name escaping before he can catch himself, eyes widening. Thankfully, you’re too distracted by your own embarrassment and pain, mumbling "yeah" once, twice, as your thighs press together.

Your eyes follow a drip of sweat that runs along Endo’s neck, gaze hungrily dipping beneath the fabric of his tank top as he bends forward a little more. If you grabbed his hair, you could pull his pretty face right into your tits. Endo finishes up the last line, perfecting the tattoo with one final stinging pain he held for the end. Your toes curl in response, teary eyes rolling in their sockets as you spoil him with a pleased little moan, pain and lust clouding your mind.

Did you hear the curses beneath Endo’s mask? He hopes you’re too distracted to notice his eyes clouding with lust, pupils widening as he watches the jiggle of your tits with your heaving chest. The tattoo gun rests on the side table; he should go ahead and wipe your body clean. He really should get moving. He definitely needs to wank one out after you finally leave.

“Gonna clean you up, ‘kay? ’S gonna be cold,” he warns lowly. And come on, he has to reward himself a little. He has to lose the little strips of tape before he cleans your sternum, wiping off the mixture of blood and ink. One hand rests against your rib, thumb grazing your right boob ever so teasingly as his right hand cleans your skin. You hiss at the sensation, your hand flying up to cover your sounds as you bite into the side of your finger. “Almost finished, angel.” This has to be how he got this insane rating on the internet, you think, nodding your head up and down to his reassurance.

And when your eyes meet, he wonders: Do you do this in purpose? Look so desperate for cock? What do you want him to do? Why is it so fucking hot in here? Endo’s eyes flicker from your freshly tattooed skin back up to your eyes. He presses the protective cover on top of your tattoo, his warm hand rubbing along your chest as he finally frees himself from the mask, carelessly dropping it on the table. It’s unfair how handsome he is. It’s unfair how you lean into his touch. It’s easy for him to slip off the covers from your tits and cup them with his hands. His lips attach themselves to your skin, kissing along the bouncy flesh until he can suckle on your nipples, it’s cute how you suddenly fight back your sounds and your eyes fall shut upon the sensations. He totally deserves a five-star review.

Your fingers card through his locks, holding him close. You wouldn’t want him to stop now. Endo moves on top of you; confident in how much the lounger can handle. “Not sure which one of us eye-fucked the other harder,” he whispers in your ear. You can hear the grin on his lips. “But I for sure need to hear you moan for me now.” With that, he lets you feel just how hard you’ve made him, grinding down against your cunt as his kisses reach your neck.

“D-do you sleep with all your customers?” The silly question has him chuckle into the crook of your neck before he busies himself with pulling down your skirt, making short progress of your panties at the same time.

“Would you fuck all your tattoo artists?” Endo shoots back with a smirk on his lips, challenging you with that gut-wrenching eye contact again. He teases your clit, dips his fingertips into your begging hole only to pull back. Do you know how hot you are when you part your lips like that? When you crease your brows into this little look of utter bliss?

It is nearly impossible to quip back a witty reply. “Only if they were hot,” nothing but a distracted mumble as you yearn for satisfaction only he can give you now. “Why, thanks, angel,” Endo chuckles, “but enough small talk.”

Your legs are pushed apart by his gloved hands, pressed against your sides to be on display for him. You weren’t prepared for his cock to impact your pussy like this, not ready for the delicious stretch he overwhelms you with as your nails dig into his tattoos. You writhe beneath him, the shyness gone and replaced by filthy moans and curses mixing between your lips while Endo fucks you hard. Your mouths crash together in lust as you pull him in deeper and deeper. Don't mind the creaking of the lounger, relish in the panting of your tattoo artist, and enjoy the sensations of his gloved hands digging into your thighs as he laps at your tits.

The slapping of skin bounces off the walls before the chime of the bell rings through your body, your pussy gripping like a vice around Endo’s cock in shock as his hand comes up to cover your mouth. Not right now. He couldn’t possibly stop fucking you. “We’re closed for the night!” he yells toward the front of his shop, his hips unrelenting in pushing forward into you. You see the strain in his body in the way his veins pop underneath his skin, fighting his own noises as he waits for an answer from the visitor. Yet, no reply ever meets his ears.

But the pawing of your hands lures him back to focus on you, to bury his face in your tits and drown his moans with your body. He’s chasing the high, eager to get drunk on you. His fingers circle your clit, pinching and toying with the bundle of nerves, making you moan into Endo’s hand. So ready to topple over the edge, your body arches to feel the tip of his cock move right against that sweet spot inside your gummy walls, unravelling beneath him. It’s adorable how perfectly you respond to every touch. With one final, deep thrust, Endo sends you over the edge, your body trembling as waves of pleasure crash over you. Your moans are addictive.

“I always knew you fucked your pretty customers...” a sudden, unexpected voice teases. Right, there was never a second chime of the bell. Endo curses into your chest before pulling back, never stopping his shallow thrusts into you as he straightens himself to meet a pair of golden eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous?” Endo fires back, pinching your clit at the right moment to ensure Chika hears the pretty whines that started all of this as they both wear a knowing look.

dividers by @/cafekitsune

[chudleycanonficfest]

young dumb thrills

Day 26, Post #2 by @accio-broom

Title: young dumb thrills Author/Artist: accio-broom Pairing: Gryffindor pals Prompt: Studying together Rating: T Trigger Warning(s) (if any): Ron likes to swear, a lot. Also, the lads enjoy not speaking very nicely about the women in their year.

“Merlin, this potions essay is a pile of wank. I'm so fucking bored.”

Seamus snaps his book shut, his Irish lilt filling the dorm room and disturbing the peace. Until the rude intrusion, Ron had been attempting to write a Transfiguration essay on the benefits of Non-verbal spells, although he was struggling without Hermione’s usual help.

Four heads, belonging to the various bodies strewn around the place, lift from their books and parchment. The sixth-year Gryffindors throw frowns and obscenities at their friend.

“Well, it was your idea for us to do something together,” Dean comments, letting his head loll to the side to rest on his arms, his eyes closing.

“Yeah, but when I suggested it, I had a night of debauchery and booze on my mind. Not being shut up here on a Friday night.”

Ron laughs and abandons his parchment on the bedroom floor. He rolls off his tummy then wriggles into a sitting position, his back flush against his trunk. It allows him a better view of his dorm mates.

Seamus is sat up in his bed, resting against the headboard, his now shut Potions book by his feet. Dean sits in one of the window seats whilst Neville is perched next to his bedside table, crooning at his Mimbulus Mimbletonia. Harry is in one of the cosy armchairs next to the fire, switching his obsessive gaze between the Marauder’s Map and the Half-Blood Prince’s Potions book.

“Debauchery?” Ron scoffs. “What kind of stuff did you think we’d be getting up to stuck in Gryffindor tower? You tried sneaking in the Firewhisky, but you were thick enough to let Filch catch you. McGonagall has got us on lockdown because of you, and we can’t even sneak out the window for a fly ‘cos it’s pissing down outside.”

Frowning, Seamus retorts, “At least I tried. Anyways, you and Potter don’t seem to have any difficulties getting yourselves into trouble, despite the rules and detentions and any other fucking thing the staff throw at you.”

Harry, who has been a silent observer up until now, finally pipes up, “You know, I’d gladly trade places with you, Seamus, if it means getting a quiet year without Voldemort trying to kill me.”

The other four boys shudder at Harry’s use of You-Know-Who’s real name. Once he has recovered, Seamus waves a dismissive hand before flopping down onto his stomach.

“Yeah, yeah. We all know that Voldie prefers to wait until the end of the year before trying to kill you. You could at least enjoy yourself up until then.” A heavy sigh escapes his lips. “How did it come to this, lads? We're all virile, good looking fellas. Well, apart from Nev. Yet, here we are on a Friday night, with only each other for company.”

“Oi!” Neville frowns, swivelling to face his friends with his hands on his hips. “At least I managed to get a date for the Yule Ball. Dean didn’t go with anyone.”

“Yeah, but I have a girlfriend now.”

Dean’s cheeks darken as Ron’s eyes narrow. The redhead’s stomach churns. Sure, he’s adjusted to catching Dean snogging his sister in the common room now, but it doesn’t mean he enjoys it. He knows the type of stuff Dean gets up to, the sort of things he says behind closed doors. He’d rather Ginny didn’t get involved with a guy like Dean, but Ron knows it’s out of his control.

“Out of all of us,” Dean continues, “It’s only Weasley and me who have birds.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Ron joins in, mostly to distract himself from his overprotective urges. Ginny is more than capable of looking after herself, and she’s told him enough fucking times, too. “And I could be downstairs with Lav right now, but you were so adamant that we were going to have a good night. Anyway, you can take the piss out of Neville all you want, but I bet you haven’t even snogged a girl, Seamus.”

The Irish Gryffindor’s eyes brighten with glee. “Yeah, I have. Your girl.”

Ron isn’t surprised at the emptiness he feels at the jibe. His feelings for Lavender fizzled out ages ago, and he’s been trying to finish things for weeks. The only problem is he can’t seem to say or do the right thing to scare her away. He should probably come out and say it, try this honesty thing Hermione is always harping about, but Ron likes his balls attached to his body. Plus, it’s kind of nice having a girlfriend and feeling like someone wants him.

Still, he has to keep up appearances. He reaches behind his trunk and fishes out one of his trainers from under his bed before hurling it at Seamus. The guy moves fast, rolling to the side to avoid being hit in the head as he bursts out laughing.

“And a good kisser she is too,” he adds.

“Who do you reckon is the best snogger out of the whole of Gryffindor?” Dean muses.

Ron mutters, “Aren’t you still dating my sister, Dean?” 

He knows his anger is irrational, Dean has done nothing wrong, but the images of the guy snogging Ginny then moving on to the next girl to compare them fills his brain, making him feel sick.

Seamus interrupts, still laughing. “For the guys? Then it’s me for sure. But I don’t know who’s the best out of the girls. I’ve snogged quite a lot of them. Some of them are amazing, and others are shit.”

“Fuck off have you,” Dean laughs too. “You’ve snogged Lavender, and that’s it.”

“Nah, I’m being honest with you. Weasley turned me down. It’s only her and Granger I haven’t snogged, truth be told.”

Ron sits bolt upright, all his fury at Dean forgotten as his heart pounds an irregular beat against his ribcage. However, he tries to arrange his face into a calm look. A few times, his secret crush on Hermione has almost been exposed, mostly via mutterings in his sleep. But so far, he’s managed to keep a firm lid on it, or so he believes.

“I don’t think Hermione has snogged anyone,” says Neville.

Dean shakes his head. “I’d put five knuts on her having snogged someone. She went to the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum, after all.”

“Doesn’t mean she kissed him.” Seamus shrugs.

Harry pipes up again. “She did.” He blushes as all eyes settle on him. “Only a small one, though.”

The rest of the room erupts in fits of laughter, but Ron can’t hear it over the roar of his heart in his ears. He digs his fingernails into his leg, ignoring the flare of pain as they break the skin. So, Harry knows that Hermione snogged Vicky, too? How many people did Hermione tell? How the fuck could his best friend keep something like this from him? Why hasn’t anybody told him?

Out of the corner of his eye, Ron can see that Harry is staring at him, but he refuses to meet the git’s gaze. His blood boils around his veins.

“She must be a good kisser then if she managed to keep Krum interested. Not exactly a looker, is she?” says Seamus, in between giggles.

Ron whips his head around to glare at Harry. Despite instigating this latest uproar, the specky git does nothing to stick up for their best friend. Their dorm mates are tearing apart Hermione’s honour right now, but Harry already has his nose buried back in that fucking map, tracing Draco’s path through the school. Harry is bloody obsessed with the Slytherin prick. He probably fucking fancies him.

“You can barely even see she has boobs when she’s in her jumper,” Dean agrees.

“Yeah, and don’t get me started on her hair.”

Neville frowns. “Now, come on, guys. I think you’re being a bit mean. Hermione’s alright.”

“Oohhh, she’s alright, is she?” Seamus rounds on Neville now.

Dean joins in, wiping his eyes. “Aww, that’s nice. At least someone likes her.”

No longer in control of his reactions, Ron jumps to his feet, trembling hands clenched at his sides.

“Enough!” he roars, loud enough so that everyone has their attention pinned on him. “Leave her alone! What the fuck has she ever done to you?” He gestures around the dormitory, daring any of them to speak up. “Don’t get her involved in your bullshit talk.”

“Oh, so it’s alright for us to discuss snogging your girlfriend, but not Hermione Granger?” Seamus slides off his bed, squaring up to Ron. “You need to work out where your loyalties lie. If Lavender found out, she wouldn’t be pleased.”

Ron eyes his friend, trying to determine if he should punch him. After a moment’s deliberation, he decides it’s not worth it. Ron is a prefect and is supposed to be setting a good example. Plus, there’d probably be a fight, and he isn’t sure he has the energy for that tonight. Seamus has a good right hook, after all.

“Fuck off.” Ron pushes past Seamus and strides towards the door, yanking it open. He leaves the dormitory without looking back, pulling the door closed behind him so hard, he’s sure everyone in Hogsmeade can hear the resounding thunk. The dormitory bursts into another round of hysterical laughter, fuelling Ron’s rage.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he reaches the common room with a loud huff, only to meet a startled Hermione at the foot of the staircase. Ron’s face floods with heat as she eyes him up and down, a disparaging look on her face.

“Ron, wh���”

He doesn’t give her the chance to finish her question.

“Leave me alone.”

Stomping towards the portrait hole, Ron barks at the Fat Lady to open without saying please, before heading out. He picks a random direction, then walks.

Fuck the lot of them.

Fuck his friends for being dicks about Hermione and girls in general. No wonder Harry wanted to keep out of it all. And fuck that specky git for not jumping to Hermione’s defence. Fuck Hermione for choosing now to break her months of silence, only to piss him off even more. But most of all, fuck his fucking feelings for making him react so defensively about the fucking witch in the first place. 

He’s never going to live this down, for fuck’s sake.

[thequibblah]

hi so i'm looking for some new music to listen to and i thought you could help because you have great taste!

if this helps, i'll tell you what i normally listen to, which is very basic & basically the same few artists over and over lol

- mostly just taylor swift, she makes up 70+% of my listening probably haha and if i had to pick a favorite genre of hers it would be the folkmore style

- some other pop, like olivia rodrigo and conan gray and lorde & some doja cat but i'm not a huge fan of doja's lyrics

- lyrics are really big for me, so is having a pretty voice and nice melodies

- i love your playlists but the old songs are usually not my style (there's been some though that i really like, ty for that !! <3)

- ceremonials is my favorite florence album

- liability is my favorite lorde song

no problem if u don't want to!

OH i basically recommend things for a living so why not music, eh?

so. what i'm getting from this is that you have three big listening buckets: soft acoustic and indie pop and just plain old pop. so i will divide my recs by those broad genres! i too prefer singable music so i will try to lay off on especially dissonant artists, or mark them as such so you can be prepared (LOL)

acoustic/folksy (i'll admit i am a big indie pop girl so this stuff will be a bit sparser)

phoebe bridgers — admittedly she is more alt-rocky, but see garden song, savior complex, moon song, graceland too, prayer in open D

waxahatchee — can't do much (GOD THIS SONG), lilacs, st. cloud

lucy dacus — also more alt-rocky, but here r some softer jams: hot & heavy, christine, green eyes, red face (a jily song)

anything by first aid kit! start with stay gold and the lion's roar

hozier — i feel like most people on the internet have listened to SOME hozier but check out wasteland, baby! (i tried to pick individual songs and ended up listing most of the album LOL)

kacey musgraves — another artist you've probably listened to already, but try golden hour

brittany howard — stay high must be the sweetest song in existence, and basically all of her album jaime

arlo parks — the whole album but especially caroline, hurt, and black dog

lake street dive — i can change, good kisser (a mary song if i've ever heard one), and i adore their hall & oates cover!

anya marina — this whole album has had me by the throat since like 2013

lucius — just the whole album wildewoman, h/t @figg-anon for putting me onto this!

idk what tf genre fiona apple is but try her out as well!

artists i listen to less of but are in this vein: the lumineers, bon iver, vance joy

u know i had to rec some old people shit (LOLLLL), so in this vein, joni mitchell, heart, judee sills, emmylou harris, joan baez, vashti bunyan

one-off songs you might like: hold you now by vampire weekend, big wheel by samia, i eat boys by chloe moriondo, strawberry blond by mitski (i worship at the altar of mitski but she might not be your speed haha), like i used to (acoustic) by sharon van etten & angel olsen, body by julia jacklin, jackie onassis by sammy rae and the friends, cowgirl bebop by HANA

indie pop BELOVED

maggie rogers — ok i cannot recommend this higher like if u like lorde and conan gray drop everything now and mainline maggie's brilliant debut album

HAIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! — they've got poppier songs like want you back and more mellow songs like summer girl, but honestly i would just recommend a deep dive because they have a pretty surprising breadth within their own alt-rock/pop niche

caroline polachek — can sometimes get way out n weird in the pop sense but so hot you're hurting my feelings is a very listenable pop standard (also it's so funny she's such a clever lyricist also this is irrelevant here but she sounds amazing live), also love look at me now and her cover of breathless

charli xcx is more experimental pop but would rec trying out warm (FT HAIM!!!), blame it on your love (FT LIZZO!!), and official

rina sawayama — technically her album is all sorts of genres but especially XS, comme des garcons, paradisin', bad friend, and tokyo love hotel

orla gartland is a lil softer and i love more like you, oh GOD, and did it to myself

king princess — especially cheap queen, 1950, holy, but basically all of cheap queen

more one-offs: kansas by ashe, comeback by CRJ (full paean in her honour to come in the pop section), i am a big fan of other people covering the bleachers (LOL) especially rollercoaster by charli xcx and i wanna get better by tinashe (full tinashe praise to come too), saturdays by twin shadow (FT HAIM!!!), the kiss of venus and 3 nights by dominic fike (also his interlude on halsey's album), aute cuture and milionària by rosalía, young lover by st. vincent (i love her but again might not be for u haha), good days by sza, backyard boy by claire rosinkranz, slow dancing by aly & aj, hot sugar by glass animals

if ur down to try out something weird witchy and cool, kate bush is like the originator of 9 billion pop and rock genres and hounds of love is a masterpiece

pure pop (we can split hairs on what makes pure pop LOL but basically everything here is based on ur enjoyment of doja)

carly rae jepsen — ok if u haven't listened to her non-radio-hits u may be like "what?? call me maybe lady???" to which i say YES, especially window, stay away, no drug like me, and too much

victoria monet — this may or may not be a selling point to you, but victoria is a frequent ariana grande collaborator and you can absolutely hear it in her music (see also: the mattress spring background noises in dive JUST like they are in positions...), and i love experience, go there with you, and we might even be falling in love, and why not throw in her ariana grande collab monopoly

magdalena bay — how to get physical which i am destined, nay, contractually bound, to put in a jily modern AU someday, killshot, stop & go

tinashe — basically ALL of her new album!!! SO good. i also love rascal (superstar), esther, and old jams like company (and i JUST found out she has a chaka khan cover!)

chloe x halle have the most angelic vocals in the world

this might sound actually demented because WHO hasn't heard love on the brain but rly... go give ANTI a re-listen...

tove lo — especially are u gonna tell her, mateo, and jacques

WAIT I FORGOT TO SAY ROBYN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERY ROBYN SONG!!!!!!!

for that throwback poppy sound u may as well go real throwback KJAHKJA and check out donna summer!

one-offs: right to it by louis the child n ashe, serial lover by kehlani (also more by her but im getting lazy now kdjfhgk), missed calls by max n hayley kiyoko, peppers and onions by tierra whack, idk who hasnt heard this song but circles by meg, todo de ti by rauw alejandro (the way i wanted this to be song of the summer so bad ;___;)

hope you enjoy and pls come back and tell me if you really liked any of these!!!! xoxo

[agentfreckles]

Hehe glad I have the honour of gracing your ask box for the first time in a while, but yeah I'm dying for the new book! Who wouldn't be? I only discovered Wayhaven after book 2 came out though (due to some incredible fan artists) so I feel like I should be more patient because I haven't had to wait as long as older fans for content. But also I've pretty much spent the last two days doing nothing but rereading any Wayhaven content I can find 😅

To be honest with you my first impression of A was that he was going to be a stoic, militant, serious kind of guy aka not really my cup of tea, but then I read through the other LI's routes and it's like oh shit he cares. So I haven't actually played through his route yet, but I just listened to Stay and maybe I should put myself through the terrible heartache of a slow burn romance with a stoic man who actually cares a whole lot...

The song makes it all sound so bittersweet, the longing for connection even though he isn't ready to fully admit it to himself yet. From what I've learned in the other routes the way he acts makes sense, but to be alone for so long before he got to be with unit bravo is heartbreaking

(also hope any of that makes sense, it's definitely too late in the AM for me to be overthinking this, and yet,,)

I can relate to you there! I first found out about Wayhaven about a week after Book 2 came out, in late May 2020. So it’s been an interesting journey that started off with the instant gratification of being able to jump from Book 1 to Book 2 and every day since has been a long waiting game. But Mishka’s asks and the Book 3 demo have definitely helped keep me sane while I wait. And I’d wait forever if it meant the book was top tier, which I know it will be.

I mean A really is a stoic, militant, serious kind of person lol. I get a lot of people’s hesitancy when it comes to their route because A is definitely a little rough around the edges, especially in the beginning. But why they’re that way has always been interesting to me, even more so now that we’ve gotten some pretty big hints about their backstory (particularly in the Book 3 demo if you’ve read it). There seems to be a lot of trauma and guilt there, which we have to remember A has been carrying with them for a near millennium. And it’s that guilt in particular that has them constantly putting duty and practicality above emotions, even at the cost of their own happiness as we see in their route. But you’re so so so right! A cares quite a lot actually. Especially when it comes to Unit Bravo. Some of my favorite scenes in the series, A’s route or otherwise, involve A letting their guard down and giving us (both the detective and the reader) a glimpse of that camaraderie and trust that exists between A and their team. You can really feel how much they all mean to A, even if they don’t always show it as freely as say F does.

And you hit the nail on the head. A’s route is all about keeping their distance and denying themselves the love every bit of their mind, body, and soul is screaming to have. It’s heartbreaking and frustrating and awful, but god does it make for one hell of a read.

[obeiii-mee]

Hi there! If its okay, could i ask for headcannons of the brothers finding out MC is an Artist? Something like, finding there sketchbook or napkins w doodles on them jfjdjs Or maybe they catch MC glancing at them alot while trying to draw them? hfjd Ty!! Your writing is really good~

Of course it’s OK! I’ve always liked the idea of MC having a really interesting hobby and teaching the brothers about it. I feel like all the brothers would be very supportive of them, even if they all had various reactions to their hobby but I really love writing wholesome moments like that. Sorry this took longer to come out, I made them really long to make up for it!

Also thank you. Your compliment means a lot :)

————————————-

The Brothers’ reactions to MC being an artist:

Lucifer:

-Well if you’re going to glance at him every two minutes, he’s bound to notice

-I mean, you’re pretty damn obvious

-Lucifer got pretty used to you whipping out your sketchbook whenever you could

-So for you to start doodling in his office while he worked wasn’t exactly unheard of

-He caught you staring at him before looking back down at your drawing, continuing your series of furious scribbles

-Now you piqued his interest

-“You seem very focused there love. What are you drawing?”

-Scared the crap out of you because he rarely ever talks when he’s working

-You were reluctant to show him but Lucifer has his insisting face on

-When you passed him the sketchbook, he momentarily froze

-Your drawing was so detailed and full of emotion, capturing him slumped over his desk, exhausted but determined to finish the work he’s been assigned

-He was so surprised and stunned, for a second, he forgot to breathe

-“It’s not exactly one of my best drawings yet but-“

-“You never fail to impress me MC.”

-He suspected you were drawing him but he wasn’t expecting this much effort to be put into it

-He would definitely keep all your drawings of him

-Loves all your work but secretly adores your sketches of him best

-Lucifer would occasionally look over your shoulder while you sketch, taking a peek at what you’re drawing and smile to himself

-He’s never felt this much pride for someone else before

Mammon:

-Was pissed you would rather spend time with an object rather than him

-It annoyed him at first because he couldn’t tell if you were listening to him or not while you had your nose stuck in your sketchbook

-Basically, he was jealous of a sketchbook

-You can’t do that Mammon, that’s Levi’s thing

-So one day he decided to see what the fuck was so great about that giant notebook you always have with you

-He turned your entire room upside down searching for the damn thing before finding it

-He flipped through it and I’m sure the entire House of Lamentation could hear his gasp

-You drew him for pages and pages in all sorts of positions and styles and he was a flustered tomato going through them

-You willingly drew him? The scum of a demon who could never do anything right unless it involved money? You put your time and effort into these sketches and doodles despite him being condescending and a dick at times?

-Excuse me but this man is already head over heels in love with you, you can’t keep giving him reasons to fall for you

-He was so engrossed into your work that he didn’t notice you behind him

-“Mammon why is there a mess in my room-“

-“HOLY SHI-AHHH!!!”

-Too embarrassed to even think of an excuse for going through your shit

-“Ah those...I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have drawn you without your permission Mammon-“

-“Are ya kiddin’ me? MC, I feel insulted that you didn’t tell me about this sooner. Can...Can I keep some of ‘em??”

-Now he insists that you draw him as often as possible and would even pose for you (he loves the attention let’s be real)

-He wants to see all of your drawings and will endlessly support you

-Thought about using your skill as a way to make money because art can be very expensive

-But in the end, he dropped the idea

-Why would he sell something so precious to him??

Levi:

-He probably has a sketchbook too

-You guys draw Ruri-chan together in your own styles

-Levi always insists that you’re much better at drawing than him tho

-Your talent makes him a little jealous but at the same time he’s fascinated

-Was so surprised when he found out you were into sketching

-Levi was even more surprised when you showed him all the drawings you’ve worked on for your favourite anime and video game characters

-OK but how come you’re so perfect? Not only are you a lovely person that is willing to watch anime with him without insulting his opinions but you can draw? W...h...a...t...?

-He requests several sketches of ‘The Tale of the Seven Lords’ characters and will actually tape them to his wall

-Some of them are right on his Ruri-chan shelf

-“Hey normie, do you...do you mind teaching me how to draw? I want to learn.”

-Is 100% determined to learn how to properly sketch from you

-You started drawing him as well, usually while he games

-You better stop, he’ll have a nosebleed if you keep being so nice to him!

-Draw him as an anime character and he will start fangirling

-“Phew. OK I’m finished.”

-“What did you draw?”

-“Hentai.”

-“This. Is. A. Masterpiece.”

-Will proudly show your work to his brothers (usually the same drawing more than five times)

-What did an otaku like him do to deserve you??

Satan:

-He found out you were an artist fairly quickly

-I meant he found tissues with doodles you left behind everywhere

-He kept all of them

-It was so refreshing for him to see you so invested in your drawings the same way he is in his reading

-You’re still under the impression you’re being sneaky by drawing him while he has his nose in his books

-You ended up finally gathering enough courage to show him one of your portraits of him

-He had a reaction similar to Lucifer’s really

-Praise!

-He made your drawing into a bookmark

-Idk how but he did

-You leave him a few doodles of you and him being all lovey dovey and he absolutely adores them

-Will lose his marbles if anyone says anything remotely negative about your style or talent

-Draw him fluffy animals pls he will literally have them framed and fixed up in his room

-Also if you draw any of his brothers (specifically Lucifer let’s be real) in a silly way he will actually start snorting with laughter

-You sketch him pretty damn often and he can’t really complain

-It’s really peaceful when you two are in the library and you’re working on your doodling while he reads aloud to you

-Buys you equipment like pens and pencils and even sketchbooks when he knows you’re running out

-He’s really delighted when you come over to show him your drawings

-Once he caught you staring at a cat as you started sketching it

-He actually didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much

Asmo:

-Noisy little fucker that he is and in need of drama, he looked through your sketchbook

-Thought it was a diary at first but nope

-Imagine his surprise when he found pages upon pages of drawings of his brothers and him

-Except his weren’t really a surprise

-He’s gorgeous of course you would want to draw him

-But oh my God, do you realise how much he values art??

-I know he looks as if he only thinks about sex but he definitely has a thing for creativity and art like painting and photography

-“MC darliiiing~? Why didn’t you tell me you can draw?”

-He actually shrieks at how well you’ve captured his beauty

-He insists that they look like actual pictures of him

-Takes several pictures of all of them and posts them on DevilGram

-A bit salty when you drawing anything else but him

-However, he can’t deny that you’re one of the most talented individuals he ever met

-He comes up to you every day and lractically begs you to draw him

-One time you came in your room to find him naked and asking you to draw him

-Is actually kinda good at drawing himself

-Specifically people

-He has enough experience exploring the human body so he surprisingly enough, knows a thing or two when it comes to body proportions

-“MC draw me like one of your french girls~”

-I’m sorry I had to do that

-He also likes the attention he’s getting when he poses for you

-He may think he’s the most beautiful being in all three realms but he definitely thinks you’re the second

-So he often offers to draw you too

-He likes having cozy chats with you while you draw

Beel:

-You left your sketchbook behind in the kitchen with him

-Mammon needed your assistance to get down from where Lucifer hanged him after one of his failed money schemes

-He knocked a glass of milk nearby it and had a panic attack for a minute

-Legitimately thought he ruined the whole thing

-Was actually about ready to cry because he knew how important your sketchbook was to you

-Looked through it just to make sure there were no splotches or anything

-To say he was relieved when he realised it was fine would be an understatement

-He was kinda drawn to your sketches, most of them carefully drawn and expressive, even some of the ones you scribbled out

-One specific drawing caught his eye though

-You drew him and Belphie together, with his twin brother’s head resting on his shoulder while Beel ate

-He was mesmerised by your talent and by your thoughtfulness

-Beel felt bad about it but he kept looking through your sketches, enchanted by everything in it

-You drew him and his brothers several times

-It’s safe to say the discovery of your drawings brightened his day

-Gave back your sketchbook later

-He apologised for going through it without your permission more than he needed to

-You had to accept his apology because he looked like a kicked puppy

-Feels very honoured whenever you let him look at your work

-Is more than happy to pose for you!

-But that might be a bit of a problem seeing as he tends to move around a lot

-“Whoa, that looks just like me! The food I’m eating looks really realistic too...which is making me hungry. Let’s go to Hell’s Kitchen, you can finish this there!”

-Supportive bean

-You gave him a family sketch of him and all of his brothers once

-Normally, he only likes gifts he can eat

-But he treasures that drawing more than food at times

-“This...this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me! Thank you MC! But uh, someone’s missing in this drawing.”

-“Ah shit, who did I miss?”

-“You.”

-If anything ever happens to Beel or his happiness I swear to Lord Diavolo-

Belphie:

-OK but you left your notebook just sitting there right next to him???

-How do you expect him not to look through it?

-Belphie doesn’t care much for privacy

-And he doesn’t exactly have morals either

-He didn’t even know you were into drawing

-Which to be fair, wasn’t scandalous considering he sleeps 20 hours a day

-But he wants to be more involved in your interests so that’s why he took initiative with your sketchbook

-Idk what he was expecting but definitely not a sketch of him staring back at him

-His heart skipped a beat but I don’t even know if demons have hearts

-The cheeky little shit took pictures and may or may not have made on your drawings of him his wallpaper

-Most of the drawings were of him sleeping, surprising...absolutely no one

-“So that’s what you’re up to whenever I go to sleep huh? So cute~”

-But besides all that, he is really touched

-I mean, if there’s anyone undeserving of your love and respect is the piece of shit of who tried to kill you

-Yet here you are, continuously showering him with affection and now this

-Probably spent hours looking at your sketchbook while you were at R.A.D

-Didn’t say anything to you when you came back except handing your notebook back to you

-Though he was less of a smartass and more affectionate for the rest of the day

-Next morning, you took the liberty of waking up before him and sketching him again

-He grabbed your arm halfway through your doodling and grinned at you from under the covers

-“Drawing me again huh? You won’t mind me doing this while you’re at it then right?”

-Now he’s sleeping in your lap

-Whenever you show him your work, he makes a small approving noise but he’s seriously impressed

-Draw Lucifer or Lord Diavolo in any offensive manner and he will actually start giggling

-Gets all huffy puffy when you draw his brothers instead of him (we all know Beel is the exception)

-I may have a thing for Belphegour

Al~

[kikidewynter]

anyway i mention my pierce headcanons a lot but i’ve never put them all in a post before so

he comes from an upper middle class family. his mom’s a lawyer and his dad plays an instrument in a professional orchestra

he’s an only child, and bc pierce gives me the impression that he craves validation and praise for his work, i think his parents never really gave him that much attention. his dad was usually out of town for work, and his mom either stayed late at the office or brought all her work home with her. when he did something worthy of praise, he didn’t really get it enthusiastically—just a quick “good job,” or “keep it up,” because they were so busy or because they had high expectations for him anyway

he might not be the best singer but he has a big interest in music. he took classical piano & violin lessons growing up (explaining his canon interest in classical music) and would wear cute little tuxedos to his recitals. he started playing around with making his own music and decided it was something he wanted to pursue, so he studied music production in college

he grew up in the suburbs and went to a private high school in north stilwater where he was president of the chess club, in the band, etc. and he would always wear his school blazer & have expensive shoes. he made sure he always looked good in his uniform, maybe accessorising with a diamond earring

pierce has big prep vibes but his sr2 look also makes me think he’s kind of a jock. i think he’s into more chill sports (nothing too aggressive like football), like basketball, tennis, or badminton maybe. probably a little golf by srtt bc he likes flaunting his wealth like that

gay. i was on the fence for a while bc he’s romanceable by anyone in sriv but then i realised that volition making all the characters playersexual while never clarifying what their identities are and giving us any real lgbt rep is evil so i’m not taking it as canon. pierce gay !

grew up admiring the vice kings. they were just so cool and stylish (if you’ve seen their early concept art u know what i’m talking abt). he would walk past them on his way home from school n give them a lil fist bump but his parents didn’t want him hanging around or making friends w gang members so that was kinda the extent of his affiliation

while studying in college, he gets an apprenticeship at kingdom come records. it’s cool at first, he gets to sit in on sessions and learn abt different equipment and techniques and recording processes. but as time goes by he gets sent on more and more shady errands until he’s basically just doing vice king jobs. it pays well and it’s fun, so he doesn’t really mind. he officially joins the gang and drops out of college

his parents disapprove but he doesn’t really tell them what he’s up to bc he knows they’d cut him off, so he just says he got a permanent job at kingdom come

aaaand then he gets arrested. i figure sometime near the end of sr1 when the saints are coming down hard on the vice kings n they lost all the connections king had that kept them out of jail

but it’s cool bc he meets gat and shaundi

he gets out n gets his tattoo about a year before the boss wakes up. probably feels a little lost bc he’s like 24 now and there are no vice kings and he can’t exactly go back to work at kingdom come, he doesn’t even have any qualifications. so he goes back to college and his parents are willing to pay but warn that it’s the last time. then of course the boss wakes up and he ditches all that to roll with the saints bc he just. loves the freedom and the fun and the money and the sense of family

he and shaundi get a place together and they bicker a lot but they actually have a lot of fun living together. one time he brings a guy home from the club and dips into the bathroom for a few mins. when he comes back out, his date is sitting at the kitchen table listening to shaundi talk absolute shit bc it’s 3am and she’s blasted and got distracted looking for food and asked for his birth chart. bc she does that with like EVERY guy pierce dates and then gets back to him on whether she thinks they’re a good match or not. he tells her it’s all bullshit but really he thinks it’s cute that she’s looking out for him

wears sweats and crop tops when he’s chilling in the apartment/the crib

he gets invited over to johnny’s and he hangs out a little before AISHA comes down the stairs and he’s like HUH??? bc he was a vice king, he thought she was dead. anyway they end up talking bc aisha loves meeting new people and they become fast friends. their shared love of music means they’re always in aisha’s home recording studio making songs. even if they can’t be released, it’s nice for aisha to be able to sing again, and pierce is more than honoured to be making music with an r&b star

when the saints become celebrities, pierce thrives. he becomes the official face of the saints, gets his own sublabel under ultor to produce music and work w artists. he also gets his own talent agency and scouts new actors/models for the saints/ultor brand. he’s rich, he’s doing what he loves, and to make sure he’s always happy, he surrounds himself with suckups and other celebrities. he throws parties constantly because he loves the good vibes and the attention and being the host and life of the party. but deep down it’s not satisfying at all. i don’t think he knows what he really wants

i know it’s a lil joke but i’m taking pierce saying he does voice acting work for video games as canon. he also guest dj’s a few times a week for the classical music radio station. makes guest appearances in sitcoms and tv shows, and sometimes reality shows (like when someone suddenly has lunch w their famous friend? he’s that friend)

he has his own line of suits sold in planet saints

[vampiresuns]

Portrait Of The Lawyer As A Young Man

3k words. All of Julianus’ life has been about fulfilling social expectations. Not any more.

Note: This fic contains some time changes. They’re all separated but they’re not linear. This pieces art is the cover of the centennial edition of James Joyce’s ‘Portrait of the Artist As A Young Man’.

CW: Superficial discussions of unhealthy family dynamics.

The song for this piece is Expectations by Belle & Sebastian. Saoirse, Meredith and the Crew of The Jagged Ruby belongs to @apprenticealec​.

Part 4 of Secrets Of An Ancient Moon series; you can read the rest of it here.

Dusk fell in the sky making the colours of the water change. Meredith whistled at Jules to get their attention, calling them aside. When they reached port again in four days, they’d reach Jules’ original destination, marking the end of their voyages in The Jagged Ruby. Julianus didn’t need Meredith to tell them this, they already knew: they had been counting the days obsessively, watching them slip by as they found a chance to speak to the Captain.

Meredith had found them first. It was now or never.

“Hopefully this,” Meredith said, raising the legal study Julianus had made for her a couple of months ago, “will help us with our Syd problem. I’m not going to pat you in the back, Sanlaurento, so just let me say this: you’ve got it in you, you’re a pain in my ass, I hope whoever opposes you in a court shit themselves. Now, leave.”

When Meredith looked back up, Jules was still there, looking at them with a frown and an intensity which the Captain had seen in them before, but never directed at them. Jules had been travelling with them for months. When they had manifested on the ship to become Meredith’s personal pest and unlikely legal advisor, the Quinquennial meeting was in the long term future still, they had time for it. Now, the meeting would happen in three months.

In all that time, Meredith had had time to watch them, even if they didn’t want to. She hated to admit it, but the asshole had guts. J.C. was clever, a fast learner, and seemed to know themselves well enough to anticipate their shortcomings. Analytical and strong-willed, in other circumstances they’d make an excellent addition to the crew.

They learnt the basics of sailing faster than Meredith had given them credit for, their basic knowledge of sword-fighting was getting honed by the week. They had never taken a shot against an actual person, but their aim had gotten notoriously better. Julianus got treats for the crew if you left them unsupervised, and somehow, always, found someone to help with legal advice, no matter were they were.

So yes, Meredith had seen that intensity before. She’d seen it when they put themselves between a vendor and a guard, suddenly carrying more presence and even a slight high-society touch to the way they conducted themselves. She’d seen it whenever they tried, again and again, to perfect something, never expecting to be handed anything. She’d seen it whenever they talked about Injustice, or the Sea Palace, or Freedom, or People.

It all shone through, even through the many flaws or annoyances Meredith saw in their character — anxious, irritable, high-horsed, mysterious for no damn reason.

“I said leave, why are you still here.”

“Meredith?”

The Captain raised an eyebrow. Sanlaurento never addressed her without an honorary.

“I didn’t remember us being friends— You smooch my quartermaster and…” Meredith stopped, a grimace overtaking her face. “This is about them, isn’t it. No, I’m not having a heart to heart about fucking Saoirse with you. Sanlaurento, I’m still your fucking Captain.”

“No, it’s not about Saoirse. It’s about me.”

“Right, because that’d make me care.”

J.C. frowned back at Meredith, trying to resist the urge to roll his eyes but failing to do so. “Even if they are a factor in my considerations. I’m well aware that if I talked to them, I could manage to see them anywhere and write to them even, given they write to Jacqui all the time.”

“If you’re going to talk anyway, at least do me the favour of going to the point, Sanlaurento.”

“Captain, I want to stay.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

The sky was clear in the island of Sirenia, a cool late winter evening as Sanlaurento walked around a patio in a black, formal attire, with a green jacket with golden buttons. 

“You’ll do great, stop worrying. You already did great in your dissertation.”

“But my dissertation was just me talking about International affairs.”

“One last viva, and you’ll be a lawyer.” 

Julianus exhaled. “You’re right, one last viva. This ends today.”

“Did someone Come with you?”

“No.”

Their friend snorted. “You didn’t tell anyone about today, didn’t you?”

Feigning disinterest so the conversation could end, they looked over some handwritten diagrams.

Julianus sighed. “Actually, this time I did.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

“Do I have to apply to the Sea Palace? I know I said I wanted to, but I don’t know any more.”

“Of course, Cleo,” their mother said, “it’s the best academic institution around, you might have a chance. You lose nothing by trying”

“They were weird though, you know? Off. Like, they give me a bad feeling.”

Their mother no longer sounded patient when she spoke: “You’re going to have to let go of turning down opportunities at every chance you don’t like everyone in front of you, or everyone in front of you doesn’t automatically think you’re brilliant. Besides, you insisted, and this is a matter about your education, your safety and your future. You’re applying.”

Julianus tensed, curling their toes inside their shoes, trying to ball them like they would their hands. They couldn’t ball them into fists right now, that’d give them away. If they gave themselves away, their mother’s reaction would be worse. “It’s not— that’s not—”

They exhaled, giving up. “You’re right, Mama.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

In their 27 years, Julianus had been called a lot of things.

Weird by their classmates, dense by their parents. Unnecessarily complicated, dramatic, attention seeking, stupid. All of them also by their parents who said things in annoyance and in anger without measuring any reaction, nor waiting for any explanation. Stupid, perhaps, was the funniest.

They never called them Julianus, only ‘Cleo’, too, to the point their mother often said they made a mistake in choosing their first name.

Their Cleo was a lot of things but never what they themself said they were. ‘Intelligence’ was arrogance, ‘mistakes’ stupidity, or worse, something unforgivable; a lack of consideration for everyone around them and the marking of their mother in their failure to raise a child who wanted to do anything with her. 

Too loud, too quiet, too stiff, too needy, too this, too that, too weird, too feminine, too masculine, too much.

Academic settings were different. One of the few places they had some control over themself. Yes, their classmates might’ve thought them closed off, weird and even a bit of a “lunatic” when they were growing up, but their classmates also knew they were passionate about defending what they loved, including their friends. A willing ear to listen, offering food, advice and comfort to whomever asked, without thinking too much about it. Quick to rile up but never one to deny help. Their teachers and professors always knew they tried, that they wanted to learn, that they wanted to go to further, deeper horizons. 

Their own self, learning and what they could do with that education was their constant ongoing project. Their poems and stories, a constant conversation with the world. Not self-centredness, not absent-mindedness.

Only twice they had been told in academic settings that they weren’t enough. One was in the Sea Palace. The scholars called them an histrionic, low-pedigree charming but insubstantial kid, with poorly honed magic and more enthusiasm than capacity. Others worked better, others could sit still for longer, others had more steady grades — not the valleys of those subjects which did not interest them, with good but unremarkable grading, versus the stellar records of those subjects which obsessed them needlessly. A nice attempt, but a definitive rejection. 

The other was in that last Viva Voce in Firent. It hadn’t gone terribly, they had passed, but with meagre first level honours in comparison to their full honours approved dissertation. They were expecting to do worse, that was true. They weren’t expecting to have three examiners who did not let them finish a single explanation, one even laughing at their face for asking for a question to be clarified. 

“If you keep this way, I doubt you will have it in you to be a good jurisconsult,” one of them had said.

Julianus had looked at them with icy, saccharine sweetness, eyes like daggers and making apologies they didn’t mean as they took their diploma. They left the room thinking what did they know? What did any of these people know about Julianus Cleopatra, who wasn’t born with the Surname Sanlaurento, but had chosen it anyway? Nothing. They knew nothing.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Julianus had never been in many places they belonged.

The night was clear as The Ruby made its way through the waters in the night.

“What about you?”

“Yeah, Jay, tell us a story. All you do is work, kid. Grab a glass! Cut yourself some slack from those books, lest your vision becomes worse.”

Julianus couldn’t see why not. With a bright smile on their face, they grabbed a glass of beer, before joining the Crew that was lounging around on the deck, enjoying the night. 

“Does it have to be something I’ve heard, or does it have to be an original?”

“Right! Saoirse did say you wrote.”

Julianus blinked. “Saoirse mentioned me?”

An echo of warm laughter rang between the crew. Someone patted their back. “You’ve got it bad for the Quartermaster, don’t you? But tell us your story.”

"My story?” They snorted. “Oh, you don’t want to listen to that.”

After taking a drink, they let their own play on words slide, and chose a story to tell. “You know how they say that those who are the most impertinent have the best chance. Well, this cabin boy risked it all for a venture in a ship from the northern seas, whose flag it was under was at war with an Empire. The cabin boy, well, we’ll call them boy, had been searching for a place to fulfil their ambitions, and saw in this ship the right chance. The kind of person who wished to be remarkable, and do what’s right

“So one day, the ship runs into an enemy ship. Goes the Captain and says: ‘If we fight them, this ship might be sunk and we might not live the night’. So goes the cabin boy, who had developed a fondness for this ship; the fondness one does when one loves a place, but the place does not love one back, and yet one clings to the nostalgia of the good things. The cabin boy did not realise this yet, so the cabin boy goes and says: ‘If I time it right, I could sink it.’

“Though often trifled with silencing commands, the cabin boy was intelligent and daring so the cabin boy repeated: ‘If I time it right I could sink it. Was this not why I trained all these years as a cabin boy?’ 

“The Captain said: ‘No, you are just a cabin boy’, but at the insistence of our protagonist, the Captain said: ‘If you destroy that ship, I will give you silver and likewise gold, here in this very sea, and I will give you my only daughter for you to marry, if you make a renowned Captain out of me—’”

The story was not a happy one. It was a story of betrayal and disappointed hopes. It finished with the cabin boy, who making himself one with the night, went to sink the enemy ship, under the very noses of the unsuspecting crew. Yet, when the cabin boy came back and demanded their acknowledgement, the Captain denied them. Though the cabin boy had no interest in claiming the bounty, the Captain had not expected them to live, but fearing the Cabin Boy would take the credit and disrupt the order of things, the Captain slew them, and the sea took them in. 

Someone gasped with indignation. “And no one aided the cabin boy?”

“No.”

“Did the Captain kill them then?”

“That’s for you to decide.” 

“So the cabin boy didn’t die? Or did they?”

“In a way. It’s less about physical death, though it can be about it.”

“Isn’t this the Raleigh story?”

“Of the Golden Vanity?” Said Sanlaurento with a smirk. “Perhaps, but everyone tells it differently.

“If you don’t make it as a law person, I say you become a writer.”

Julianus laughed. “Why not both?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

The last time Julianus Sanlaurento had seen their parents was when they sailed off to an apprenticeship. There had been no grand goodbyes, no heartfelt words. They had all fought around a week before, and J.C. was not yet forgiven. It was, perhaps, one of the biggest fights they had had with them, and the memory of it, along with the cold shoulder they were given would cling to them for some more time.

Nothing was worse than the hypocrisy, though. Or the pity. Too much to everyone around them, a brilliant child when they weren’t in the room.

Before they left, their father had pulled them aside to tell them they were brilliant, and that they were proud. Jules had wanted to say thank you, and just thank you, from the bottom of his heart, but they couldn’t, not after last week. Instead, they said:

“You always say that, until I’m brilliant in a way which neither of you like even if you still let me do it. You’ll hate this, but I don’t exist comfortably anywhere, and perhaps, I’ll never exist comfortably here.”

“That’s not our fault, Cleo.”

“It’s not about whose fault is it— it’s— you know what, Dad? Nevermind.”

Their only comfort was Maricus, whom they clung to at night when they were alone in their quarters, with only their things, their cat and an acceptance letter as they realised they were completely, and utterly alone. They were alone, that was true, but at least, they were themself and they had had enough.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Not wanting to try the Captain further after she dismissed them, Julianus retreated to the crew’s quarters. They sat against the wall nearest to their bed — if one could call a hammock a bed — picked up their notebook and began writing. They wanted to be left alone, so they buried their nose in their writing.

They didn’t expect seeing Saoirse when they looked up, leaning against a column as they watched them write. 

“Raleigh again?”

“No, I’m leaving the fictional man rest for a minute or two.”

“Meredith told me you were staying.” At this, Jules stopped writing. “Said you were on permanent crew member probation until you defended your case and your position in Ethari. Then, if she didn’t change her mind, she’ll make you try as a permanent member of the crew, if you also haven’t changed your mind about it.”

Saoirse snorted. “If I was told I’d meet a human like you a year ago, I would’ve thought the person telling me such was drunk.”

Julianus raised an eyebrow at them, wanting to ask what that was supposed to mean, but Saoirse’s eyes were full of tenderness when they met them.

“Meredith also told me you asked. Did you because of me?”

“No,” Jules said as they closed their notebook, standing up to stretch their legs. “I don’t want to part from you, that’s true, I care… a lot about you, and I hope you care about me just the same. I don’t want to stop seeing you everyday, and I don’t want to stop kissing you everyday, and I don’t want to stop learning from and about you. I haven’t mastered the language yet, and there’s more of the Code to study, there’s so many things I haven’t done yet, but it’s not about you, it’s about me.”

Saoirse watched them as silence fell between them, Julianus’ dark eyes looking everywhere but at them. When they did look back at Saoirse's ice-blue ones, their eyes were clouded with tears. “This isn’t quite it, either, but do you know what’s like feeling you’re unwanted everywhere? Because who you are has a big red ‘wrong’ sign attached to it?

“I just don’t want to go. I see, I can see a future here, and I think I’ve been in enough places where I have been unwanted, or wanted wrong, for me to deserve to have a shot at the future I say I want to have. Not the future I was supposed to have by whomever thinks knows me better than I know me.”

Out of all the reactions Saoirse could’ve had, J.C. wasn’t expecting them to stop leaning on their column, and open their arms for them. 

Their smile was just as tender as their eyes. “I know you enough to know that if I ask if you want a hug, you’ll say no, but in about five seconds you’ll change your mind.”

Jules’ half laughed, half sobbed. Unable to fight Saoirse’s logic they closed the distance between them, wrapping their arms around their waist, as they felt Saoirse’s arms sling under their arms to hold them close and safe between their arms. Like they were protecting them — from what? Neither of them knew; neither of them asked.

Instead, Jules was happy to bury their face against Saoirse’s chest, taking in the smell of them mixed with linen of their shirt. Saoirse’s cheek rested against the top of their head, only moving to plant a kiss there.

“Julie?” Saoirse said. “I know more about cages than you’d think.”

“I never said anything of—”

“You don’t have to say it for me to know. Before I was what I am now, I was in one, so to speak. Trapped, perhaps, is a better word. Cages all look different, but they all feel the same. There are no cages here, you deserve better than that.”

“I know, I know that now.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Only if you keep calling me ‘Julie’.”

“Were you never told not to make deals with strange Gods?” 

As they spoke, Saoirse brushed their lips against theirs, themselves an offering for Julianus to chase. Chase them they did, pressing their lips against Saoirse’s over and over again. 

“You’re not a strange God. Or rather, you’re not a stranger to me… You know? You don’t have to tell me what you were before, but I will say this: whomever decided to trap you, is or was a fucking coward.”

Saoirse laughed, the sound ringing around the room on its own accord. Soon enough, Jules found themself laughing too.

No, of course they didn’t want to go. 

[abundanceofsoph]

SkyFire 2: Chapter 17

“A place where you’ll be safe to feel our grace”: March 2017

Word count: 3.7k

SkyFire 2 MASTERLIST

>Instagram posts

Harry and Aurora changed their plans, spending the holidays in Holmes Chapel with Anne, Robin and Robins children instead of flying to New York. Johannah’s funeral was held in between Christmas and New Years and both Harry and Aurora felt the need to stay close by in case Louis or his family needed anything. They returned to London in the first few weeks of 2017, meeting up with Jeff almost everyday to finalise the album and tour that were both fast approaching.

They received the keys to the Battersea apartment in the middle of the February, but both decided that while they would spend the rest of the month, and the first half of March, decorating and moving in their furniture. They wouldn’t officially move in and stay the night until their wedding day, March 26th. It had been Harry’s suggestion, wanting to make the few days following the wedding extra special before they returned to St Lucia for a weeklong honeymoon before the launch of his debut single on April 7th. Aurora had found the idea very romantic and enjoyed spending the time leading up to the big day painting feature walls and having furniture delivered. She also had her final fittings for her wedding dress, her excitement growing the closer she got to the last weekend of March.

In addition to setting up their new house, Aurora also found herself busy with another project after receiving an unexpected call from Mark in the first week of March.

“So, I’ve got some Scottish guy interested in Leave a Light On,” he said one afternoon when Aurora answered the phone. She put the phone on speaker as she continued painting a mural of vines and leaves on the feature wall in the dining room.  

“Ok…” she replied uncertainly. “Is there a problem with that because you don’t usually keep me in the loop on these things unless the persons problematic and you think I’ll say no to them.”

“I don’t think you’ll say no,” Mark said. “He’s pretty new on the scene, only just released his debut EP a few weeks ago.”

“Please get to the point Mark, I’m up to my elbows in wet paint.”

“He wants to meet with you and talk about changing lyrics.”

“Did you tell him that’s not really how this usually works?”

“I did. I told him the normal process is to just send through what he’s thinking, and you’d agree or decline but he’s insistent on meeting you. Said something about the song seeming too personal and he wanted to work with you on the changes. Pretty sure he’s a fan.”

“You said he’s released an EP;  I’ll give it a listen and if I like his stuff, I’ll meet with him.”

She hung up the phone, returning to the mural for a few minutes but the conversation was bouncing around in her head, so she put down her brush and picked her phone back up. After opening Spotify, she typed in the name Mark had given her and pulled up the artist profile. Mark had been right; Tom Walker was relatively new on the music scene; there was only the 4 track EP and 3 other singles in his discography. She clicked on the first track of the EP, Blessings, and returned to her painting as a simple beat filled the room, quickly accompanied by a raspy voice. Her head bopped to the beat, swaying to the melody as Tom sang about counting his blessings. She smiled softly as the song ended, then next providing more of his unique voice accompanied by a faster paced backing track. By the time she finished the 4th and final track of the EP, her paint brush was hanging limply in her hand, her eyes closed as she swayed to the music. She was a fan of his work and moved on to the 3 singles that hadn’t appeared on the EP. She also sent a text to Mark telling him to set up a meeting.

xXx

A week and a half after her phone call with Mark, she stepped into the Starbucks in south Hampstead, thankful that Mark had set up the meeting in a location close to Erskine and given the unusually good early spring weather, she had walked across the heath. She’d misjudged her timing and was 10 minutes late by the time she stepped into the chain coffee shop, instantly spotting Tom Walker sitting in the corner. She’d googled him the day before and he looked exactly like his photo, although she noted that his size was more intimidating in person as she stepped towards his table.

“Tom?” she asked, causing his head to snap up from his phone screen, a smile lighting up his face as he stood and offered his hand. She shook it. “So sorry I’m late. I thought I’d take advantage of the nice weather and walk here but it was a little further than I expected.”

“Not a problem,” he replied. “What are you drinking?”

He was already heading for the till to order. “Oh no,” Aurora protested. “You don’t have to.”

“Please,” he replied, “You and I both know that you didn’t have to agree to meet with me. Least I can do is buy your drink.”

“Ok. In that case I’ll just have a caramel latte please.”

After placing their order, he returned to the table, and Aurora found herself taking note that they seemed to be the only customers, not that she was all too surprised given that it was 10am on Wednesday and despite the touristy area, most people were out exploring the heath.

“Thank you again for this,” Tom said.

“Don’t mention it,” Rori smiled. “I listened to your EP and you intrigue me. Most people aren’t interested in having me help them change my songs.”

“Your manager mentioned that. Although I can’t really say I know what the usual procedure is for this since I’ve written all my own stuff until now.”

“So why are you picking up a demo?” Rori asked, genuinely curious.

“A mate had me listened to a stack of demos he was sent to help him pick out his next project and as soon as I heard your song it just hit me. Couldn’t get it out of my head.”

“But you want to change it?” Rori asked, smirking around the lip of her coffee mug.

“Just a bit,” he chuckled. “It’s pretty clear once you hit the second verse that you wrote it about gun violence and given everything you went through; I can’t imagine it was an easy song to give away.”

“Kind of the opposite actually,” Rori admitted. “It’s too personal for me to ever sing myself. Too emotional.”  

“I get that,” he nodded. “Until I got to that verse it got me really emotional thinking about the friends I’ve lost to overdoses and how I wish I could have provided them a safe place. That’s what I’d want the song to be about if you let me record it. But I didn’t want to just send you my track without the context and have you think I wanted to erase your message.”

“Thank you,” she said, swallowing against the lump in her throat. Is it just the second verse that you want to change?”

“Just the lines; but if you carry on spiralling, they'll be robbed from us. I refuse to lose another friend to guns. I was thinking of changing it to; but if you carry on abusing, you'll be robbed from us. I refuse to lose another friend to drugs.”

“I think I’d be ok with that,” Rori agreed.

“I’ve got the track on my phone if you wanted to give it a listen,” Tom offered, gesturing to where his phone sat on the table between them. Aurora smiled, rifling through her bag for her headphones and holding out the jack to him as she placed the ear buds in.

Tom’s voice filled her ears, accompanied by the familiar notes of her piano track. Strings entered the accompaniment and Aurora found herself surprised when the drop hit with a heavy drum and synth sound through the chorus. She smiled softly as she listened, her eyes closed. As the song began to drop away, only Tom’s voice and the piano petering out to the final notes, Aurora opened her eyes, taking in his nervous expression.

“Holy shit,” she muttered. “That’s bloody incredible, innit?”

“You like it?” he asked.

“Love it,” she corrected. “Think you’ve got a hit on your hands with that one.”

They sat there for another hour talking music and influences. Aurora found herself laughing more often than not and just enjoying his company. As lunch neared, people started to drift in and fill up the tables around them. Aurora knew it was only a matter of time until she was spotted and not wanting to deal with the fans, she decided it was time to leave.

“Do you have anywhere to be this afternoon?” Aurora asked Tom. “Because I’ve got the beginnings of a song, I think you’d suit perfectly. If you wanted to come back to my place, I could play it for you, and you might be able to help me finish it.”

“Aurora Stark wants to write a song with me?” Tom asked, somewhat confused by the offer. “You are aware that you’re pretty famous right?”

“Nah, I’m just a girl from Wimbledon,” Rori joked. “Besides, with my songs, you’ll be the famous one before long.”

“And you’re so humble,” Tom joked. “But seriously, I’d be bloody honoured to write with you.”

“Well then let’s go,” she said.

Tom drove as Rori provided directions and within 10 minutes they were parked and walking through the front door. “Please excuse the mess,” she said, gesturing to the boxes cluttering the front rooms of the house, “we’re in the process of moving house.”

Tom nodded, following her upstairs towards the studio Harry had set up for them.

“So, I only have the first verse, bridge and chorus,” Aurora explained as she took a seat at her piano. She stalled for another brief moment before finally biting the bullet and beginning to play.

Let's just talk I'll pour my heart out through my mouth This year's been hard for us no doubt

Let's raise a glass to a better one And all the things that we've overcome And bring home to us 'cause Me and you we can hold this out Only you understand how I'm feeling now yeah

And I know, I can tell you anything You won't judge, you're just listening 'Cause you're the best thing that ever happened to me

'Cause my darling, you and I could take over the world And one step at a time, just you and I 'Cause you're the only one, who brings light just like the sun One step at a time, just you and I

Tom smiled at her when she finished, easing the nervousness that had been boiling in her stomach. “What do you think?” she asked.

“What do I think?” Tom echoed, looking at her with a bright smile stretching across his face. “I think it’s bloody brilliant.”

“Well it’s not finished yet,” Rori reminded him, blushing slightly at his compliment.

“Maybe I can help with that,” he said. “You got this written down anywhere?”

Aurora nodded, grabbing a notebook off the top of the piano and flipping through it until she found the lyrics and a lose page of handwritten sheet music tucked in next to it. “Here,” she said, offering the sheet to him.

“Mind if I take this with me and mull it over for a bit and then maybe we could get together again to work on it?”

“I’d love that,” Aurora admitted, returning his excited grin. “The piano is actually getting moved to our new place on Wednesday, but if you’re free later in the week we could have a writing sesh?” Aurora suggested.

“Perfect,” he said.

They chatted for a little longer, making plans to get together later in the week and then Rori walked Tom out to his car, hugging him goodbye before heading back inside to finish packing the last of the things that would make the move over to the new apartment. The majority of the furniture was staying behind, as were some of the pieces of art on the walls but otherwise all of their personal items were going with them. The plan was for everything left behind to be just what was needed for family to stay for the wedding and then they would start looking into renting the property out.

Harry arrived home about an hour after Tom left and helped her fill the Land Rover with another load of boxes before they drove it over to Battersea. On the drive and while they ferried boxes into the apartment Aurora filled Harry in on her meeting with Tom and their plans to write together later in the week.

“So, you like him?” Harry asked as they unpacked a few of the boxes in the kitchen.  

“He’s a lovely guy,” Aurora replied, “and bloody talented. Did you listen to the EP I sent you?”

“I did,” Harry replied. “He’s got a great voice. Loved the lyrics in Rapture.”

“Right? I gave him a song I’ve half started, and I can’t wait to see what he does with it.”

Harry smiled at her enthusiasm. “What day is he coming over to work? I’ll make sure I’m out of your hair.”

“Thursday,” Rori replied. “You could join us if you want.”

“This is your thing love,” Harry said, kissing the top of her head. “But I’ll be your first listener when you’re done though.”

“Always,” Rori agreed with a soft smile of her own. “Now more importantly,” she continued, changing the subject abruptly and causing Harry to chuckled. “I can’t be arsed cooking so what do you say to pizza for dinner?”

xXx

Tom was coming over in the afternoon, so Aurora spent Thursday morning working on one of the murals in the guest rooms. So far, she had completed one in the dining room and master suite while 2 of the 3 guest rooms were half completed. While Aurora had spent the majority of the last month painting the walls, buying furniture and moving their belongings over from Erskine, Harry had focused on putting together the music studio for them both in the largest of the bedrooms at the end of the hall. After the sound proofing had been completed, the last step had been to move the piano over the previous day and now he was turning his attention to setting up desks in their home office.

They ate a quick lunch together and then Harry left to return to Erskine House to meet with Becca who was having the chairs and tables for the reception dinner delivered. They had brought over the last of their things that morning, save the clothes and toiletries they would need for the rest of the week, leaving the house feeling rather empty. Aurora was excited to be finally moving into the apartment in a few days and even more excited to be doing so as husband and wife. After Harry left, Aurora returned to the guest room she’d been painting and ensured that she’d closed all of her paint tins and washed her brushes before Tom text to let her know that he was downstairs in the lobby. She buzzed him through from the app on her phone and headed back towards the dining room to meet him at the front door once he exited the lift.

“Found the place ok?” she asked as he hugged her in the doorway.

“It’s gorgeous,” he said, following her as she stepped back into the apartment and gave him a quick tour of the main rooms before heading into the studio. “Did you want the wall art?”

“I did,” she replied with a proud smile. “Haven’t had a lot of time to paint recently with all the album work and the holidays so it’s been fun to have a project to work on.”

“They’re incredible,” Tom complimented. “Is there anything you can’t do?”

“Basic maths,” she laughed, “much to my dad’s dismay.”

They settled into the studio, with Aurora at the piano while Tom flipped through the notebook he’d brought with him. “I had a bit of a play around with that song you gave me on Monday,” he explained. “Wanna play it from the top and I’ll show you what I’ve got?”

“Sure thing,” Rori agreed. “Just head back into the verse after the chorus?”

“Yeah, and then pre-chorus, chorus, 3rd verse straight into the chorus for a final time.”

“You got it,” Aurora nodded before she began the simple melody, smiling as Tom started signing. He’d changed the opening line of the song but left the rest of her  verse, pre-chorus and chorus unedited, his voice lending a quality to the song that she loved. For her the song, like so many that she wrote, revolved around Harry and with the wedding only days away, romance had been leaking into every aspect of her waking days. She wasn’t sure what she expected from Tom’s lyrics, but she found herself loving the way his own relationship blended with hers and Harry’s to create a complete story of love over time. While the first verse spoke of the challenges she had faced by his side since the shooting and the end of the band, Tom’s 2nd and 3rd verses weaved the story of reminiscing over the early days of love.

Let's get drunk Reminisce about the days We were broke, not getting paid And taking trips on the weekend When I would drive down to see ya And we would paint the town Too many shots, I'll be passing out 'Cause I can never keep up Quad vods, now I'm puking up

I know I can tell you anything You won't judge, you're just listening, yeah 'Cause you're the best thing that ever happened to me 'Cause my darling, you and I Could take over the world One step at a time Just you and I 'Cause you're the only one Who brings light just like the sun One step at a time Just you and I Tired of chasing paper Staring at this screen Been saving up for weeks now Just to get to you, my dear And though you're far from my home This ain't no weekend bar Oh, my heart grows fonder Must be city love  

They finished with a final repetition of the chorus and were both grinning at each other by the end, recognising immediately how great the song sounded. The tinkered with the arrangement for a while, discussing which instruments would sound best for the final track. Tom also played a few other tracks he was working on, asking Aurora for feedback and advice which she happily provided. They worked for most of the afternoon, finally calling it a day as dinnertime neared and Harry text to ask Aurora what time he could expect her as he was planning when to start cooking.

“I don’t have much on next week if you wanted to get together and write some more,” Tom said as he grabbed his things and got ready to leave.

“I’m actually busy next week,” Rori replied. “For the next few weeks actually.”

“Oh? What are you up to?”

“I’m getting married on Sunday,” Rori replied, “and then we’re heading to the Caribbean for a week for our honeymoon.”

“Oh of course,” Tom laughed. “The wedding of the century. It’s been the talk of the gossip blogs for weeks.”

“You read the gossip blogs?” Aurora ask, echoing his laugh.

“My sister does,” he blushed. “She likes to keep me informed. Think I’m the only one that will let her talk my ear off about it all. Thought she was going to pass out when I told her I was working with you.”

“Well tell her I said hi,” Rori said. “Maybe we could get together when I get back in a few weeks though. Harry’s album is coming out in early May, but we should be able to work something out around the promo.”

“Absolutely, just text me your schedule and I’ll fit around it.”

xXx

All of their family and bridal party began arriving at Erskine House on Saturday afternoon for the rehearsal dinner, which was a relaxed evening filled with laughter and embarrassing stories. Aurora had never really understood bridezillas; she didn’t feel the need to get so stressed out about ensuring everything was perfect, instead wanting to be able to enjoy the day with Harry and their friends and family. Their wedding planner, Becca, had taken care of all the little details and would be on hand the next day to coordinate and ensure nothing went wrong, allowing Harry and Aurora to simply enjoy it all.

The back garden was beautifully decorated, with fairy lights strung up above the tables and the temporary dancefloor. The table settings were all soft cream and navy, matching in with the bridesmaid’s dresses. The weather was clear and while not hot, it also wasn’t too cold for an outdoor dinner and there was thankfully no sign of rain on the forecast.

Neither Aurora nor Harry felt the need to fall on classic traditions and had decided to take a more modern approach to their wedding. They’d begun skirting tradition by having the combined bachelor/bachelorette trip back in November and continued by deciding that it was unnecessary to spend the night before the wedding apart given that they had been living together for most of their relationship, with the exception of when Harry had been on tour or off filming Dunkirk. After dinner, the bridal party and the couple’s parents stayed in the many guest rooms while the rest of the Avengers headed to a nearby hotel for the night.

They laid in bed late at night, wrapped up in each other’s arms. “I’m so excited for tomorrow,” Aurora whispered into the darkness, her head cushioned against Harry’s chest.

“Me too,” he replied. “Can’t believe you’re finally going to be my wife.”

“And you’ll be my husband,” she added. “I love you, Harry.”

“I love you too,” he murmured. “More than I could ever explain.”

NEXT CHAPTER

OR CONTINUE READING ON AO3

[nobodies-png]

I see some poor anon lost their best friend and I lost my mother just recently. May I request some hc's of how the organization members would (at least try to) comfort someone who has lost someone dear? It's okay tho if you don't want to ^^ - M

 awe, sorry to hear that, nonnie ! and sorry for replying to this one so late too, hope 2020 brings you a lotta joy and happiness ! 

Xemnas : 

A part of him can relate to that feeling, even if he doesn’t understand exactly why or how. Nonetheless, Xemnas would simply listen to every word you had to get out of your chest - but if none come out, he’ll gladly stay by your side in absolute comforting silence. Sometimes, peace and quiet to calm the mind can do more than endless words of encouragement. And he’d be too awkward to just go and give you a hug, so the only thing he can do is offer you his company, along with time and a safe space to get your thoughts and feelings in order.

Xigbar :

One would expect Xigbar to take you to some whacky adventures so you can distract yourself from those negative thoughts and feelings - but he’s also dealt with his fair share of loss and he’s found that facing the facts and coming to terms with them helps more than idle and mindless fun. Of course, it takes time to gather the courage and stability to do so - but if you ever need a reality check and some down to earth advice for something this serious, Xigbar’s your guy. Honor the past and cherish the good memories, but dont dwell so much on them. Don’t let them hold you back !

Xaldin : 

Hands down, Xaldin s u c k s at comforting people, specially as a Nobody and his complex relationship with f e e l i n g s. What is he supposed to say in these situations ? Hell, even giving you a pat on the back is hard for him. Like, is it okay for him to do so ? What if you start crying ? ? Because of this, he can only say he’s a good listener, maybe give you some general words of advice here and there. However, he wouldn’t be against cooking something for you - a nice warm meal followed by a good rest is usually what he does whenever he has a bad day. You’re even welcome to steal from the cookie jar and brag about it to Demyx and Axel.

Vexen :

As a scientist, it’s very easy for Vexen to detach himself from emotional situations and come up with a straightforward and cold reply to your loss. It’s the way he deals with things that require a heart, after all. Brain = good. Heart = confusing. Easy peasy. Of course, when he realizes that this method clearly doesn’t work and that you’re about to smack him, Vexen would feel a b i t guilty and offer to help in a different way. It’s very easy to let yourself go after losing someone and accidentally adapt some unhealthy habits - this is where he comes in, helping you make a schedule so you don’t end up oversleeping, skipping meals or avoid being active.

Lexaeus : 

Lexaeus is also a silent listener, it’s just kinda how he rolls. But unlike Xaldin who struggles with it, Lexaeus is good at comforting others without the need of words. Definitely one of the very few people in the organization that would hug and hold you for as long as you need, not caring if you stain his coat with tears. His aura and willingness to protect others can make anyone feel safe with him, so you’re in good hands. Lexaeus would even give you one of his little puzzle toys, in case he can’t be around. They might be small, but they sure help a lot to distract you for a while and remember that he’s got your back. 

Zexion :

Zexion might be emotionally constipated due to his status as a Nobody, but he’s no stranger to the negative emotions of the human psyche. If you reach out to him, he’d be willing to help - but you gotta keep in mind that he’s still a kid at heart and hasn’t found the proper way to cope and deal with his own feelings. Still, Zexion makes up for his lack of knowledge when it comes to comforting with his extense collection of books ! He’d recommend you things to read, both literature you two could discuss as a past time and articles about dealing with loss and grief. He’d also make use of his powers to create illusions you might enjoy if you’ve had a particulary rough day.

Saix : 

Saix doesn’t comfort, at least not so openly like other members. His approach is pretty much the aftermath of Vexen’s idea to give you a schedule - so long story short, Saix is the one who’d enforce and make sure you follow it. Which means he’s gonna be on your ass most of the time and as annoying as that might sound (Demyx feels so bad for you because of this) if you squint really really hard, you’ll notice that he does care about your wellbeing. “You have to keep on moving” he’d say, while sending you into your 6th mission of the day, which simply consists on taking care of a few heartless and some general recon. You’ll also find that most of your reports have been already filled out, but hey, don’t ask him.

Axel : 

Another awkward guy - Axel has trouble comforting friends, but damn if he’s not going to try. The way he speaks is more than enough to cheer you up, or at the very least give you back that passion you had prior your loss, it’s like he sparks a fire in you ! You just gotta go all out, ride all of this out and. Cry, scream, feel everything you gotta feel and then kick back with people you can trust, eat some ice cream with them. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and held. Axel would totally invite you to join him, Xion and Roxas to their whacky adventures around Twilight Town.

Demyx : 

Very obvious, but Demyx would encourage you write a song about it. It’s what he does to sort his feelings out, figure out what feels right in the end. And besides, learning how to play an instrument is always fun - you also got the best (and only) music teacher in the organization ! If that’s not your cup of tea, then you can try any other artistic outlet. Dancing, writing, etc etc. Demyx is fully aware that fortnite dancing at 3 am is not going to fix his problems, but it sure helps him stay grounded and remember that life is not as serious as we make it out to be.

Luxord : 

Luxord is very polite, so he won’t pry into your business - but the second he notices little changes in you like that permanent tired expression or the way you sigh a little too much on a daily basis, he’d invite you over for tea, subtly give you an excuse to talk to him and vent should you need it without being too invasive or forward. If you still can’t or refuse to open up, Luxord would take you for a walk around Wonderland or another colorful and fun world, giving you some advice in the form of his cryptid ramblings. When a door closes, another opens - and if there aren’t any, then you just have to open a window, get some fresh air and a new perspective.

Marluxia :

Marluxia can also relate to that. Surprisingly, he’d be very gentle, asking if you’d like to share some happy memories you have with that someone. Maybe even set up a small makeshift “shrine” in their honour, of course covered with their favorite flowers. He’s just happy to help you, listening to you reminisce and remember them with a smile on your face. It’s very shocking to see this side of him, given how flamboyant and eccentric he can be - but those passing encouraging smiles Marluxia gives you whenever he sees you are a great comfort.

Larxene :

Larxene is… Not the best choice if you want to be comforted. Her method is an extreme version of Xigbar’s, she’ll simply offer a quick “deal with it” and a hard “grow up and accept it”. While she might be impulsive and very emotional Larxene is actually a very logical person with a good understanding of her own feelings. What you can learn from her is that everyone needs to ultimately find their own way of coping and dealing with grief, no one else can tell you how or when to feel a certain way no matter how good their intentions might be. Take the good advice, but don’t depend on others for everything. Your way might be unconventional, but as long as it’s not hamrful for yourself and you’re aware of your limits, it’s good enough.

Roxas :

Roxas doesn’t know what to do, at all. So he’d simply ask about what YOU want to do now. How would you like to deal with these feelings and such. He’ll be there right next to you, even if you just wanna cry and sleep it off or if you want to distract yourself and never speak about it. Roxas is there, holding your hand all the way and making sure you know you’re not alone. Like Marluxia, he might also ask about the person you lost, just out of curiosity. And then maybe internally facepalm because oh shit, what if you don’t want to talk about it. The way Roxas worries about you, stuttering apologies and awkwardly explaining that he simply wants to make you feel better is so endearing that you can’t help but feel safe and sound.

Xion :

Xion would simply take you to Destiny Islands, to watch the waves, feel the sand and the sun on your skin. She wouldn’t ask at all, instead explaining that this is the place she goes to whenever she’s feeling confused, lost or just a little under the weather - and now, she wants to share this with you. You don’t have to say a thing, Xion doesn’t need to know your pain to realize that you just need a friend and a shoulder to cry on. Someone to rely on. The two of you would just spend the afternoon picking up seashells, exploring the island and relaxing. She’ll gladly listen if you have anything to say, but it’s okay, you’ve done enough. Let her take care of you now.

[thesealfriend]

*puts on Serious Game Dev Hat"

This one might get really rambly so it's going under a read more. Main topics are Games, Crunch and University.

(For folk seeing this who are curious but completely divorced from the games world, because even though it's in the news a lot lately it's hardly the universal topic people think it is, Crunch is the term for when creative studios, in this particular case games studios, overwork their employees by "incentivising" them to work longer hours or produce more content for little to no compensation, usually towards the end of a development cycle when deadlines are looming. I put "incentivising" in quotes because a lot of companies say they don't force workers to crunch, it's voluntary and workers are just so passionate! But actually, taking a stand and enforcing boundaries can often come with consequences within the workplace - workers who stand up to crunch might be first for layoffs or receive bad references from employers when trying to move jobs. It's hardly as "voluntary" as they make it seem.)

Anyway, rambling already! Let's begin...

So I studied game design at uni. This is no surprise to those who know me or note my "game dev hat" tag. I don't work in the industry right now for Reasons™ but I plan to one day.

My across my degree, grades were based on about 70% coursework, 30% exams/class tests. Funnily enough, the best way to learn games is to make games. So out of that coursework, I'd say the fair majority was, if not "make a game", then at least "produce a design document"/"prototype a game"/"create a level". There was a decent amount of essay-based coursework, writing about the psychology of games or theory of play etc, as well as reports on projects, but I'd say at least half of my grade came down to some aspect of actually creating games.

And that was a lot. It's understandable for the kind of course it is, but we often found ourselves working on 2-3 games or levels in 12 weeks. Which, when you vaguely run the numbers and compare the expected output to the time, was about doable. We weren't making AAA masterpieces of course, we were working in groups of 2-4 usually to make a vertical slice prototype (all functionality of a game across a small segment of the content) or a level or two to fit a brief. But!

We were expected to put in 40 hours a week for uni, as though it were a full time job. That explicit expectation means I can try and step around trying to calculate hours in the day and subtract for travel, leisure, eating etc. I'm using the numbers we were given. So that's 40hrs total, over 12 weeks, but that's including all the time we spend

Depending on the semester we had about 12-16hrs of teaching time, sometimes plus up to 4 hours unsupervised lab time to work on class exercises, so let's call that 16 hours overall in uni. That leaves 24 hours per week, to work on usually 3 classes at a time. That's 8 hours, per class, per week. Multiply that by 12 and you get 96 hours. 96 hours in which to complete each class, assuming we spend the exact amount of time we're meant to on uni work.

Now that sounds fine, right? That's two whole Global Game Jams* for each class, and that's not including time one would spend at a jam eating, sleeping or resting. People make pretty impressive stuff at jams, so why not be able to do that over the course of 2 jams comfortably?

(*for the uninitiated, GGJ is an annual event where game developers (including designers, programmers, artists and musicians etc) cram into a room for 48hrs straight, get given a surprise theme and make a game out of it. It's entirely for fun and I love them. Also some jam sites give you free pizza.)

Well, the thing is, I've led you all down a bit of a rabbit hole going purely by the numbers. I've not gotten into the nature of some of the work, and the overall system, which makes a difference. See, unis want to teach us good time management, and they want to actually steer us away from crunch. I've been verbally told many times that Crunch Is Bad And We Shouldn't Let It Happen. So they build in systems like interim reports, and enforced team meetings with minutes taken and then rating your team members' performance, appointments with tutors throughout the year for bigger stuff. These are all meant to ensure that you're working on projects at the "right rate" and keeping up with deadlines. And honestly? For some of the less game-specific coursework (psychology projects, essays on theory of design etc) this works fairly well. Universities have been structuring courses the same way for decades, why change it now?

But the thing is, game development is game development whether you're in the "controlled environment" of a university or the Real World™ of the games industry. Quite frankly put, shit happens. And this goes for all university courses, not just games. You get the usual tech issues ("my computer broke and I'm having to do this work at the library/elsewhere on campus", "my internet is down and I can't collaborate with my group" etc etc) as well as the personal life interruptions, both of which are highly tied to class and that's a whole other essay ramble. You also just get that one person who assigns themself task XYZ then never does it, which you could have managed to do yourself if you'd known they weren't going to do anything, but they assured you they would! These are the things we're warned about, told to give extra time to account for, and if it's really bad most unis have some kind of "oh shit something outside my control happened" form you can fill in for extra consideration, as well as individual tutors offering extensions.

But on top of that you also get the games-specific issues.

You get that one animation that, no matter how much skill and effort you put in, you're not happy with. You get that weird code that won't compile, and nobody on StackOverflow can recreate. You get the creative block. My god, the creative block. And then, you get the last minute changes to the brief or structure, or if you're unlucky enough to be working for a real world client, you get *weekly* changes to the brief or structure. You get the fact that the software you've been given doesn't fit what you've been told to do. You get the natural period of downtime because you've worked on your character model, and you're waiting for another group member to finish an animation and there's bugger all you can do in the lull. Most of these are just, things that happen, and we're expected to work around them because they happen in the real world too.

But in the Real World™, whenever "shit happens", that's when a studio, if it's a good one, can work around the issues. They hire the right people, and the right number of people for each role, knowing the kind of work that's expected, rather than just going "ok we have more programmers than artists this year so the teams will reflect that, good luck". They vet the software to ensure it meets the needs of the employees and their tasks. They have producers to keep on top of the brief, and liase with clients to make sure everyone knows what they're going to be doing ahead of time and throughout. And on top of all that, they remove the time pressure. They set goals, that "we'd like to have XYZ done in 6 weeks, and a beta released in the coming months" but they don't expect the workers to perform miracles.

But universities can't, or won't, do that. At the end of it all, the end of the semester is approaching and you've been putting your best work in all term, but there's 2 weeks to go and so much left to do if you want to submit something you're happy to be graded on. You could ask for an extension, but if everyone who was in that situation did so there just wouldn't be deadlines. You could just push ahead at normal pace, and submit what you have and hope for the best, but then you're risking failing the class and having it all be for nothing. And some people will do either of these things + they'll sacrifice a grade and do a resit in order to give themselves more time to finish another concurrent project, or they'll glean a few days' extension for a very specific issue, but for a lot of folk, you do what feels natural when deadlines loom and you're behind. You crunch.

And much like industry, uni society encourages crunch implicitly, even though it explicitly shames it. The tutor tells you, "last year's students managed this project in the same length of time!" but they don't mention how all of them probably crunched too. They blame your time management, not realising that if 75% of the class are having to work around this then the issue probably isn't with individuals' time management. The students talk among themselves about who got the least sleep over the last two weeks of term, and it's a badge of honour (again, not necessarily game dev-specific, but there's definitely an enhanced culture of it there) and who put in 8hr shifts after uni to crush the bugs.

And we're taught about passion. One of my tutors, who is the most Explicitly Anti-Crunch man I know, was also the first one who told me that "If you aren't working on other stuff in your personal time you can't expect to get a job easily". He didn't say it in a positive way, but he knew it was the case and didn't encourage us to fight it. And sure, if game dev is something you enjoy as a hobby that will stand you in good stead. But if every student or young dev is told they have to go "above and beyond" to succeed, then that shifts the bar for what "above and beyond" means. Exactly the same as companies "incentivising" 60 hour weeks, so that everyone works 60 hours to prove they're passionate, and then 80 hours is above and beyond.

And you know the worst part about all this? From a purely productive standpoint, it works. For every class I got a good grade in, I'd crunched. And sure, I'd have probably just about passed most of them if I hadn't, but crunch in my case (and other folk I've spoken to) isn't the difference between an A and a B in games courses, it's the difference between an A and a D. Because sure, I'd submit 80% of the work, but without that final 20% tying it together that 80% of the work might make up 40-50% of the grade requirements. It's a very all-or-nothing discipline, except you can't physically do "all" because if you satisfy all the grade requirements, you get 80-90% because "there's always something more you could add to make it better". Which is also a whole other rant.

Anyway, my point with all of this is that, despite how it seems, studying game design at uni sets prospective employees up for crunch. The magnitude is lower, but the attitude is there. They know that they've done it before, that if they can just pull through a couple of weeks doing double time, they'll get it out the way. And so far, that has worked for them, because deadlines rarely do move. But in industry, they work their two weeks double time only for the worst of the studios to say "actually we see you working hard but also we're not gonna make it, you've got another month". And then they have to pull that time for another month. And maybe again after that. As a student, that kind of extension happened to me once - my 3D coursework was meant to be due before the Christmas break, and with 2 weeks to go, the lecturer announced we had til the start of the exam period (mid-January). But because we had that extra time, he expected the quality to reflect it. We weren't getting extra time so we could do the same amount of work without crunching - we were getting it so we could do more work. Again, the exact same pattern we see in industry right now.

So what's the solution? Honestly, I don't have one. Reviewing workload for students in creative subjects is a sticking plaster, and removing time pressure from coursework would require an overhaul of the system that I can't see coming any time soon. Acknowledgement of the problem is the best we can do for now. If you or someone you know is in or studying for an industry prone to this kind of behaviour, talk about it. Push the idea that the institution is flawed, and that whatever kind of unhealthy habits people pick up while studying don't have to become their life.

Look after each other. Peace out!

[wraithofthevoid]

Positivity 2: Electric BEEgaloo

@justgot-bamboozled || HOWDY HEY, I named this series of positive compliments after you my boo, cuz you’re cute and funny and make me laugh (and I think it fits the theme a bunch). I’ve had the honour to play with you and hear your voice and my god you’re a precious bean, and I have oodles of fun whenever you’re around; you’ve got that kind of chill banter that I absolutely adore being around. I was gonna give you these cute lil compliments when I first did this and I high key regret not doing it cuz oof, you deserve to hear how amazing you are on the daily. I crave playing and talking with you more cuz you seem like an honest to goodness fabulous person and being your friend honestly feels like a dream come true （≧∇≦）💞💞💞

@smeachthepeach || BOII where do I begin with you??? You radiate chaotic energy and that’s my shit— I still remember the first time we actually met & you did that thing with your stringy instrument (fight me I just woke up from a nap, I’ll remember the name of it two mins after this is posted, just waTCH). You are honestly one of the biggest highlights of my life, cuz you gave me a family and you’ve given me so many stitches in my side from our misadventures online. I heccin love you my dude, now and always! Keep being you, Mr ‘I can demolish 4 whole squads with a Hemlock 200 metres away if I wanted to, but I don’t because it’s funnier to shoot you once and watch you panic’. You’re like, the same level of silly as me and I adore that you’re low key my parter in crime— never change 😂👌🏼👌🏼

@excitingpathtofind || I’m gonna keep the sap here to a minimum cuz lord knows you’re gonna get most of it later on but I still wanna include you in this cuz you my bitch and ily. I’ve known you for a fair chunk of my life and we have been through so much; you’ve been my support, my inspiration, my hope and my main man. You’ve got a laugh that makes me wheeze harder than any joke ever could and you’ve got the kind of advice God wishes he could offer to the people who pray to him. You’ve got a wonderful ability to bring positivity into the lives of the people you meet and you do a damn good job at it, so much so, that it doesn’t surprise me that you’ve managed to secure yourself someone who adores you as much as you adore both her, and your other friends. SPEAKING OF WHOM; 💞💞💞

@lifeline-calling || ZOE MY GIRL, MY PRECIOUS LITTLE ENABLER, I LOVE YOU!!!! I could honestly talk with you for hours about candles and artisan soaps and you’ve got the kind of persuasion skills that’d make me buy two llamas, a penguin, a 6 inch draining pipe and a bag of crusty tomatoes if you wanted me to. You’ve got an infectious personality and being in parties with you always feels like a blessing. You’ve got the highest quality memes and banter I’ve seen in a long time and you never fail to make me smile, even if I’m wallowing in self pity for some dumb reason; a wonderful quality to have and you should be really really proud of yourself. I’m so thankful that Ayla introduced us and I’m even more thankful that you accepted me and my dumbass ways into your life so willingly, you’re a gift from the heavens and I cannot express how much of an impact you’ve had on my life!! You’re a sweet, caring, creative and charismatic soul; a truly wonderful person. 💞💞💞

@ilwha || Yo so ik we haven’t spoken on a personal level but I just wanted to say that you are one of the most talented people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Everytime I see you post, my day is immediately brightened because I know that whatever that post is, you’ve poured your love and passion into it. You even allowed me to use one of your edits as my profile picture and I still use it to this day because honestly, I adore it. You’re an inspiration to artists and an inspiration to me. Someday I’d like to know you better because from what I can tell, you’re an interesting person with a keen sense of creativity and I’m willing to bet you’re funny as hecc too. I live for your blog and I’d give my life for you too, cuz you make so many peoples lives better and I appreciate and respect that ���💞⭐️

@shes-fast-like-me || TRISTAN WHERE THE FUCK DO I BEGIN WITH YOU, YOU CHAOTIC ADORABLE FUCK!!! God I actually adore the additions you make to posts and the raw chaotic energy you give off is enough to rival myself and Smeach, you make me physically giggle when reading the things you post and you’re like something from a legend. I hear soooooo many people in this community speak highly of you and they’re right to do so, you’ve got a huge heart of gold and you interact with so many souls here that it warms my cold dead heart a couple degrees. I have never cried as hard in my life than the time you added all those songs to Smeach’s playlist cuz I shit you not, I put that playlist on when my university friends came over and fuckin baby shark just blasted through my flat, u fuckin pogchamp. I HATE that song but my god do I love you for adding it cuz I was keeled over on my floor physically weeping whilst my friends laughed & it brought us closer. You’ve got a talent with people and I wouldn’t trade you for the world, cuz you make my life that little bit brighter. You are valid in every sense of the word kiddo, and I love you for it 🤧💞⭐️

As you may have noticed, I didn’t limit it to only 3 people this time because love has no limit, so take these compliments you precious beans, and set forth on your own quests to let those important to you know just how much they mean!! Go show them the kind of love that’ll make them tear up, and then slurp up that sweet nectar and feel GOOD 💫💞🌈🌈

[joonsgalaxy]

are you still with him

pairing: yoongi x reader (gender neutral)

genre: angsty fluff, friends to lovers au, roommate au

word count: 1,7k

this is from the way you said 'i love you' prompts, requested by @eris0330: 23. Through a song. ((It's really simple n short, but i hope u like it!))

You‘re quite used to hearing Yoongi say I told you so. Most of the time it doesn‘t even bug you anymore, but at times it‘s the last thing on earth you want to hear. Like tonight.

It’s 1 am when you text him to come pick you up. Unfortunately, there are no buses going at this hour, and taxi costs triple the sum you afford to spend a day. Yoongi is the only person you can ask such a favour at such a time of the night. Though, you’re sure he won’t be too happy about it. He’ll probably comment on your breath that smells like alcohol and he’ll point out the yellow spot on your shirt. Stupid Jimin had to spill orange juice all over you. No matter how upset you are about it, you won’t let Yoongi notice that. Even if the party completely sucked. You won’t be complaining about anything. As far as he knows, you were at the best party of the year.

The beams of his car blind you for 5 whole seconds before he slams on the break and stops his car right beside you. Is he angry with you? You hope he’s not. He’s threateningly silent when he’s mad, which admittedly is much scarier than to be yelled at for as much as two minutes.

You’re 99% sure he wasn’t asleep yet, so hopefully he isn’t that vexed by your need for his help.

‘Hey,’ you breath, climbing into his toyota clumsily. ‘Thanks for coming.’

‘Couldn’t really let you freeze to death on your way home, could I?’ He says in a raspy voice, as cold as the wind outside.

‘Sorry,’ you mumble over the Kanye West’s song playing in his car.

Hand gripping your seat near your shoulder, Yoongi backs up into a driveway, ‘For what?’

‘For missing the last bus.’

‘Sometimes I think you do it on purpose.’

‘Why? Because I just love getting butt cramps from the old seats in your car?’

‘Ha ha,’ Yoongi speaks in monotone. He carefully turns out of the driveway and to the left, then speeds up.

‘No, but seriously, why would I miss it on purpose?’

He shrugs. ‘You enjoy pissing me off.’

‘I said I was sorry. I know you don’t like to be interrupted while writing those songs for the imaginary crush of yours.’

Yoongi lets out a sigh. ‘I was in fact in the middle of something when you texted me.’

‘Jerking off to that fantasy person?’

‘I fucking hate you.’

You chuckle. ‘Sorry, I’m drunk.’

‘Yeah, no shit.’

You pout; you were hoping he wouldn’t say anything about it. Pointless. He’s too observant not to notice.

‘I just broke up with my boyfriend. I’m allowed to have some fun, you know.’

‘He ran out of the apartment crying 29 days ago.’

‘Pft, so? People need time to move on. But you wouldn’t know that since you never really loved anyone. And why the hell are you counting?’

Yoongi scoffs, seemingly offended. ‘I’m not. I just made a rough assumption.’

‘Uh-ha.’

A new song comes on. It sounds comforting and beautiful like the night sky full of stars. The beat is rather slow; the one that makes driving at night a magical experience. Then you hear someone clearing their throat. You’d recognize that sound anywhere anytime. It’s him. It’s Yoongi.

He abruptly punches the button to change the song.

‘Hey! I’ve never heard this one. Go back!’

Staring straight ahead at the road, Yoongi thinks it over.

‘Please?’ You plead softly. As much you like teasing him for his songs and lyrics about some imaginary crush, you have to admit he’s talented.

Yoongi, after sighing and mumbling a oh what the hell presses a back button and lets the song play from the beginning.

You listen attentively, trying to get into the mood of the song. There comes the little cough again.

You remember the first time

That I showed you my room?

You laughed at the mess,

But still kicked off your shoes.

You almost said “thank you, but no”

But then moved in anyways.

Now I write cheesy lines that make me

Bang my head against the wall.

A mess in his room? Moving in? Kind of reminds you of yourself two years ago, when you first met Min Yoongi. He was looking for a flatmate and coincidentally you were in a search of a place to live. Were you the inspiration for the song? Was he using the story of how you two met when writing his lyrics about someone else?

On one hand, you felt flattered that he remembers it well. On the other hand, it felt like somebody entered your safety bubble containing your memories as if Yoongi was exposing a part of you to anyone willing to listen.

However, perhaps it isn’t about you and him at all. Maybe you want it to be.

If truth be told, at some point of starting to get Yoongi better you found yourself wanting to be the muse of his creations. You love his music and it would be a huge honour to be the inspiration of it.

I know I'm not the best, but I will change

I made many mistakes I regret

Trying to be the perfect one for you

But it seems that you aren't ready to

The words are distinct, clear and fitting for the melody. He always had a great flow.

Yoongi’s voice is husky, but weirdly comforting; soft in a way and full of emotion as in every song of his.

Can i still try?

Or am i to give back?

Or i should try hard?

 Throwing myself into this darkness

I've been so fucked up in my own head

Trying to face all my fears

 Reach into my soul, come where you belong

Are you still with him?

I don't wanna know

Not quite realizing it, you furrow your brows, feeling a certain heaviness settling in your chest. The pain in Yoongi’s voice laces every syllable. You’ve been always wondering if that imaginary person was actually a person from his life; real and alive. Hurting him. But now more than ever you feel like his rap is directed toward someone particular.

Well, perhaps he’s just that good of an artist.

You're building a family

I'm alone at the car

Your friends are lawyers

Mine are passed out on the floor

I hope you're having fun

I sure am

With a loaded gun

A list of regrets in my hand

I still dream of you (and I don't want to)

I still dream every night (every night)

Still, still, still, still, still

Either your subconsciousness wants this song to be about you really bad, or Yoongi actually did write the lyrics having you in mind.

On more than a few occasions he has mentioned that your major at the university is quite a prestigious one. You had a feeling he didn’t feel comfortable being around your friends. He has said that making music wasn’t something to be bragging about to medics and lawyers.

I wish I could make the time stop

So we could forget everything and everyone

I wish that the time would line up

So we could just give in to what we want

'Cause when I got somebody, you don't

And when you got somebody, I don't

I wish that the time would line up

So we could just give in

You have thought about this, too. You find yourself relating to the song as if it were truly about your life.

Before meeting your ex you were about to confess to Yoongi about your feelings for him, but that didn’t go as planned to say the least. Right before you uttered ‘I think I like you as more than a friend’, Yoongi’s phone rang and he wasted no time in picking it up. During the conversation between him and the caller, you realized he had met someone.

You didn’t confess.

You gave me a shoulder when I needed it

You showed the love when I wasn't feeling it

You helped me fight when I was giving in

You made laugh when I was losing it

You are you are

The reason why I’m still hanging on

You are you are

The reason why my head is still above water

And if I could get you the moon I’d give it to you

And if death was coming for you I’d give my life for you

 I'm caught on your coat again.

You said, "Oh, no, it's fine."

I read between the lines

And touched your leg again, again.

I'll take it one day at a time.

Soon you will be mine.

Oh, but I want you now, I want you now

When the smoke is in your eyes,

You look so alive.

Do you fancy sitting down with me?

Maybe?

 If you're all I need

According to your heart,

My place is not deliberate,

Feeling of your arms

I don't wanna be your friend,

I wanna kiss your neck

 Don't you see me? Y/N

I love you

At the last words you almost choke on air. You can feel tears well up in your eyes, but you’re not sure why. You’re not sure about anything at all. Was this a confession? A real one? Are you hallucinating? You can’t trust anyone at parties; perhaps someone spiked your drink when you decided to drink only juice after midnight.

You glance at your roommate behind the wheel. He looks tense.

Only a second passes before Yoongi slows down and pulls over.

What’s happening?

He kills the engine and turns the radio off.

You bite your lip as he does the same. The silence feels suffocating.

Your heart is pounding; your head is spinning, and you have no idea of how to act or what to say.

Yoongi clears his throat, fiddling with the keychain of his car keys. ‘We need to talk,’ he says.

some of the lyrics are written by me, but the others are from:

kina - get you the moon

the 1975 - fallingforyou

kina - are you still with him

kina - i still dream of you

lauv - there’s no way

[gotakuofficial-blog]

Kyo - Impressionist Vignettes: OFFICIAL REVIEW

Written by Kisai The Spooniest Bard

[Foreword]:

To begin, Mike Faris AKA Kyo (FKA Demon Eyes Kyo) is an artist I respect immensely. He is also a dear friend and someone I consider a kindred soul. I take every verse he writes, sings and/or raps as a chance to understand more of his worldview and thought process. That said, I'm extremely honoured (so much so I just spelled honored with a FARKING letter U) to have been chosen as one of the trusted to review this, his debut album. I am Darris Marcell Kisai Parker, and this is Impressionist Vignettes by Kyo.

[Track 1ne] - Yasiin (prod. by kaptain planet): So from the start we get a gritty, dark boom bap jawn produced by the impeccable kaptain planet. It's always lit when planet links up with Kyo because Kyo starts to slip into his particular brand of what he calls "sophisticated ignorance", a glorious combination of swagger, hyperbole, and good old-fashioned dark humor. In this instance, however, Kyo's lyrics are more sober, less grandiose. He chooses to lampshade how basic and one-note some artists tend to be in their portrayals. He even pays homage to one of his fellow CPC member's songs (Views by Savior Monroe). And most of all, Kyo just makes it plain how serious he is in this outing. This one is less about stellar bars and schemes and more about the human experience as interpreted by Mike Faris. I'm here for it. Quotable: "Ain't my fault if the truth hurtin' ya feelin's. You ain't puttin' work with writtens murkin' the rhythm. You just jerkin' the listeners like jamaican chicken."

[Track 2wo] - Highland (prod. by Lé Real): An autobiographical stroll over a jazzy lofi road paved by a Castle In The Sky faithful, the uber-talented Lé Real. Here, Kyo talks about his old stomping ground, a place in Michigan called Highland. He highlights the rough yet sensitive nature of the milieu, the roaming opinions of passive observers looking in from the outside, the desperate grab for tough guy points by those who probably can't get into the Salty Spittoon otherwise, the ones who live in nicer areas, who don't really HAVE TO be in such an area. Kyo warns these folks about greenness of grass, and tells them in no plain terms to get a life of their own. This is the stuff I was looking for. And he delivered. Quotable: "A double-wide was like a luxury home! Havin' both parents there the rarest of luxuries tho and I know; I'm one of the lucky ones when it comes to that, Most of my homies wasn't tho, that's just the facts..."

[Track 3hree] - Flowers From The Old Vic Stage (prod. by Medical Nindo, guitars by Kyo):  Kyo sings, by the way! I feel like typically when artists try to be multi-layered it's an attempt to appeal to a public all too swayed by gimmicky shallow bullshit. But in Kyo's case, he really carries all the musicianship and artistry necessary to sustain the various mantles he's borne over the years. That said, on the singer/songwriter tip, Kyo is something to witness. But if you've followed his work at all, you've probably heard this on display on his previous work, "The Imposter's Muse". His poet's soul is on display here in track three, a somber, romantic ballad produced by the smooth/savage master himself, Medical Ninjutsu aka Medical Nindo. Some of y'all might know him as Diggz Da Prophecy. Kyo accompanies our resident "Hood Nerd Sage" on the guitar, providing weepy, melancholy-yet nostalgic licks that carry the heady tone of his musings. A song from the perspective of a tragic lover of a former star of the stage and screen, a person with whom our hero was enraptured, with whom he was close, a flame that perhaps burned too bright and sputtered into dying embers. "I wonder..." The words pass his lips several times over, each time a different thread carried on their doleful, mournful wind. Quotable: I'm not giving you one. Listen to the song.

[Track 4our] - Summer '09 (prod. by River Sanzu):  So, ironically, Summer '09 is a time of major importance to me because it was a time when I was ambivalent towards life. I was holding down a job I truly loved, but not seeing much of the money I was getting paid due to familial obligations, I was dating one of my current best friends, a relationship I look back on fondly even now. But it seemed like everything in the world conspired to keep us apart and as such I felt like I was failing her. I was writing some of the best bars of my life, but I had no way to record and couldn't afford to hit anyone's studio. I was dependent on music to keep me going and every month I had an issue with my mp3 player. I was finally seeing some measure of freedom, but at the same time I was constantly being appraised by family members as an adult acting like a child. As if they alone held the yardstick by which adulthood is measured and everyone's lived experiences were supposed to be uniform with the same milestones at the same times as if life worked that way. And to top it off, my father's genes were kicking in and I started to lose hair, just when I was getting ready to pimp my afro to the max! (RIP afro dreams). I just felt like I was languishing in some sort of middleground hell where everything was awesome but terrible at the same time. I constantly questioned whether I even wanted to be alive. Looking back, I always tell myself it wasn't that bad. It was just growing pains and every adult has them. But you couldn't tell me shit in the moment. I'd've said "Life is iffy af for me right now." On another side of the country, here is Kyo, driving drunk on his way to kick it with his friends. The same ambilavence towards the idea of continuing life present in his thoughts and actions. Instead leaving it to the "Most High" to determine his fate, he arrives unscathed at the function, has a rowdy old time with his buddies, the sort of things youths get into when together. "Freestyling and clowning", card games, even more drinking, some squabbles-nothing that really matters between friends however, and just being in the moment, then Kyo drives (possibly even more drunk) back home. Again he tosses the dice and leaves it up to higher powers to determine if he will make it home. And there you have it, a square out of the quilted tapestry that is Kyo's life. River Sanzu aka Lit Yagami AKA Ish1da creates a city pop-infused backdrop that perfectly encompasses the nostalgic feel of Kyo's ride through memory lane. One of my favorite songs on the album honestly. Also I'm really mad I didn't produce this because it's amazing. Not quite as mad as Ethos made me that one time but I may still turn into a dog for 3 seconds... GRRRRRRR (DAWG MODE) Quotable: "They say seeing is believing, these demons I'm seeing in my rearview mirror keep chasing, I stay weaving through lanes and I'm.... still thuggin' it, drunk in public and unequpped to handle the mental stresses I struggle with but it's just... One mo' night in Summer '09!"

[Track 5ive] - You Go To My Head (prod. by RealVenom):  Kyo’s strongest quality as an artist is his ability to depict the various aspects of his point of view without sacrificing impact. In “You Go To My Head”, he croons, raps and waxes poetic to the subject of his affection. It’s tender, but in a truly relatable fashion. I consider myself strongly in the romantic camp, so endeavors like these speak to me. I blame my soft heart. The warm lofi provided by RealVenom just makes you feel like you’re by a warm fireplace, keeping warm inside from the harsh winter. A glass of wine, a bag of marshmallows for roasting and some good-looking company and you’ve got a night. Kudos to both Kyo and Venom for making such a dope jam. Quotable: “And if you got me seein’ double... That’s twice as many chances to say I love you...”

[Track 6ix] - Moving To Detroit (prod. by Camp Phire Connection, guitars by Kyo): Here is a fully acoustic affair. Just Kyo, his trusty guitar, and us, the listener. In “Moving To Detroit”, he intimates the lonely predicament of a single man deciding to move to what is considered the saddest city in the country according to a study. He mulls over dating the local women hoping for a shot at love, relates his hopes that any local toughs don’t harass or assault him, and mentions his prior OWI (An incident he explained in detail to me in a conversation we had.) and the consequences thereof. “Moving to Detroit” is a somber, reflective look at both himself and his environment, and rather than feeling like a fly on the wall, we are put right there in the passenger seat as he takes us along for this ride. It’s an eye-opener, for sure. Quotable: “It’s not as bad as everyone says in the city, but every time I head home I feel such relief when I hit the freeway. If I move down there and my friends come visit me, they’ll also get to know how good that feels. I guess you’re welcome...” [Track 7even] - Vignettes feat. Savior Monroe (prod. by Camp Phire Connection): The only vocal guest feature on this album comes from fellow Camp Phire Connection artist and founder Savior Monroe. “Vignettes” is gorgeously produced, a shoegaze-y blues waltz number by Kyo and Savior. Both artists give amazingly heartfelt accounts of grace. of friendship and of humanity. The feeling is just abstract enough, just specific enough. Truly these are just vignettes. But that’s all we needed. Quotable: “But for now I can still paint you with an impressionist’s view. I might not remember the facts, but I still remember the truth.” [Track 8ight] - French Lessons (prod. by Camp Phire Connection, guitars by Kyo): Kyo’s trusty guitar returns once more, fair accompaniment for a sultry number about SEX. Yep. Sex. Who among us doesn’t simply long for the next chance to be intimate with a special someone. There’s something magical about when two souls connect, REALLY CONNECT, for those precious moments. Even sometimes when it’s empty, it’s still grand. Here, Kyo says it all. Quotable: “Sex is empty, sex is death, so baby please kill me then hold me in your arms until I resurrect. Sex is endless, sex is French, le petit mort, the little death, and rebirth and first breath and back again.” Track 9ine] - Snow (prod. by Lé Real): Snow, to put it plain an simply, is hard. Hard as pavement. Once more, we’re right there in the room with Kyo as he relates some tales from his life. I don’t even wanna talk too much about this one. It’s something that just needs to be heard. It’s too real for me to adequately put into words.  Quotable: None, just peep the song. [Track 10en] - Philip Seymour Hoffman (prod. by Kisai The Spooniest Bard): Iono who the hell this Kisai The Spooniest bard dude thinks he is, but we gonna fight because this beat is fire. He could have at least let me rap on this. Not that I’m salty because Kyo did his thing. But seriously this is a great closer. Something about that japanese jazz sample makes such a great backdrop for Kyo to compare himself to Vincent Van Gogh and Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP to two of the greats). As artists our art is what we use to combat the negative feelings that dwell in our mortal minds. Not everyone can win this fight, but Kyo is dead set on winning. If I hadn’t heard this song before judging, I’d have told you that the beat used doesn’t fit the theme of the album, but I’d have been wrong. Kyo made it work like only he could and the result is a track that both producer and artist could be proud of. Quotable: “In a world of visigoths and vandals I’m Vincent Van Gogh, battle depression with insufficient ammo.” [Afterword]: Impressionist Vignettes is a ride, friends. Tonally, It starts low and ends high, moodwise it’s as human as we are. And from an artistic standpoint, it’s probably Kyo’s strongest work to date. I recommend you give it a spin. I learned something and so might you. One final note. Big ups to Savior Monroe on the engineering end. This album sounds great beginning to end. Kisai out. Ja ne~ Peep Impressionist Vignettes here!: https://campphireconnection.bandcamp.com/album/impressionist-vignettes

[wtfholland]

late night talks with tom☽

a/n: i discovered this band called cigarettes after sex about a year and a half ago and fell in love. honestly, their music is the most calming, mellow, and relaxing stuff i’ve ever heard. i found this playlist that has their music with a couple other songs from different artists, who are just as amazing♥ this also turned out to be a lot longer than i anticipated but OH WELL ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

masterlist♡

request♡

[for dialogue, italic is for y/n and bold is for tom]

listen to this while reading♫

i think we can all agree that everyone gets really honest when they have late night talks

in my opinion, i think it’s one of the most special things you can do with someone

you're laying in your bed, staring up at your ceiling

it’s late and both of your parents are already sleeping

there is nothing that sparked your interest on netflix and you’ve already finished the book that you’ve been reading that week

none of your friends were awake

...except for one

your room is dark except for the beautiful glimmer coming from the fairy lights you have hanging on your headboard

your room is also quiet except for the soft music coming from your laptop (*nudge, nudge* the playlist i linked lel)

the one constant thing that kept grazing your thoughts was tom

his sparkling eyes, enchanting laugh, beautiful smile, fluffy hair and just...everything

just the thought of him made your heart swell and practically beat out of your chest

you’ve considered texting him but you knew he was constantly busy and needed rest after getting back from filming

but your panties got into an extreme bunch so you gave into your hearts demands

a couple seconds after this text, your phone starts buzzing

you waited a couple seconds before answering because you didn’t want to seem desperate (literally fucking me in real life)

“hello?”

“‘ello love.”

“oh, my god! is this the real tom holland? calling me? i am...honoured.”

you hear him laugh softly on the other end and you melt

“oh, shut up. you’re the only super star here, y/n. how are you doing? why couldn’t you sleep?”

“oh, you know, i just couldn’t stop thinking about you. how in love i am with you, how sexually frustrated i am with you AND also how bloody cold it happens to be in my goddamn house” you think

“ehrm, i’ve just been...thinking about a bunch of stuff all day and laying down just kind of made me think about these things even more.”

“really? enlighten me. i’ve been in the same predicament myself for the past few nights.”

you end up bullshitting and telling tom how you have feelings for this one guys who you “work with” but how you’re too chicken shit to make a move or even drop hints that you’re interested

you keep trying to change subject. for a while, you're having a very serious conversation about how insignificant you feel because compared to the rest of the world (actually, the universe) you’re two specs of dust

*as a bonus, watch this and be mind blown*

“right?! like, honestly, i know that harry probably thinks we’re bat shit crazy and just being childish but, there is no way that we are the only forms of life. i’m calling it right now, there are aliens out there.”

“no kidding. when they come to earth, they’ll probably probe harry.”

you both start laughing. tom’s laugh was one of the most beautiful sounds you’ve ever heard. it sounded better than your favorite song

“so, uh...does your...man of interest believe in aliens?”

“uh, yeah, he actually does! isn’t that awesome?”

“huh, okay then.”

...

“whatta fuckin’ loser.” tom whispers

you’re actually dying on the inside. he’s so...ugh

tom quickly changes the entire mood of the conversation

he starts talking about a fake girl, trying to make you jealous

“hm well, i don’t think i told you yet but there is this one really fit girl who i met not too long ago.”

you immediately feel your stomach drop and your heart shrink

“uh, that’s good...i guess. what’s her name?”

“uh...tracy...lancaster.”

“oh...cool.”

“yeah, she goes to my gym.”

 shit. FUCK. 

in addition, you felt your self esteem crumble because you don’t go to the gym

“there’s no way he’d like me. i knew it. i’m stupid for ever thinking that he could be hiding the fact that he has feelings for me. who am i kidding? he’ll only ever be interested in models or girls who are drop dead gorgeous. not...someone like me.” you thought

you couldn’t be anymore WRONG

spoiler alert: he likes you

he loves you actually, but he’s just as big of a wuss as you are to admit his feelings, in fear that he’ll fuck up your friendship

“so...what does tracy look like?”

“she’s...blonde. and, uh...nice looking...stuff. y’know...the works.”

this bOY

okay, moving on

tom continues to push you to talk about your crush

but you’re ready to crank this thing up a notch AND DESTROY HIS INTEREST IN “TRACY” AHHH (sorry)

so you try to make him jealous now, without knowing that he was already initially jealous

“he just...he treats me extremely well. he understands everything but i know in the back of my head that he’s just being friendly, and that’s what hurts the most. i feel like i’m wasting my time but part of me wants to keep hoping that he possibly feels something for me. but, he’s like...so hot. probably the hottest guy i’ve seen.yeah...he’s, uh...preeeeetty bangin’.”

tom stays quiet for while

you start to notice how everytime you brought something up that you liked about your “work buddy” (WHO IS ACTUALLY TOM), he’d give you shitty responses

“he has pretty eyes.”

“oh, nice”

“he also skateboards, and plays a little bit of guitar.”

“hm, i can do both (sorta).”

HE. IS. SO. OBLIVIOUS. AHHHH.

“he used to take dancing. his hair is super shaggy and lovely. not gonna lie, but i’ve thought of running my fingers thro-”

“he probably dances like he has two left feet. what’s this clown’s name anyways?”

“oh! it’s uh...tyler! tyler nuh..nolan.”

“hmm...that’s basic.”

you becoming more and more confused

“why are you shutting down everything i’m saying about him?”

...

“tom?”

“sorry, love. can you repeat that? i was, uh...distracted.”

“i said why are you shutting him down, like the things i’m telling you about him?

“i’m not?”

“yeah, you kind of are.”

“ugh, whatever...”

...

...

“jerk.”

“brat.”

...

“UGH, do you want me to be honest?”

“yes!”

“i’m dismissing what you’re saying because every single time you’ve ever fancied someone, they’ve always broken your heart. i’ve been here with you through every single heartbreak you’ve endured to pick up the pieces and quite honestly, love...it fucking hurts me to see what they do to you. i’m sorry to be so blunt but you’ve never had the best of luck when it comes to love. i just worry about you, all the time. i don’t want anyone to hurt you, especially not this knob that you’re so flustered over. you’re smart, brilliant i should say. YOUR eyes are pretty, you are so talented, so outgoing, down to earth, kind, absolutely beautiful...you’re so...you.”

yOu ArE qUaKiNg

tom immediately retreats and wants to die because of this sudden outburst

He Is QuAkInG

there is a good 60 seconds of silence

you’re in complete disbelief. the guy who you’ve been in love with for as long as you can remember just made you fall even harder for him (if that was even possible)

“tommy...you think i’m beautiful? you think all that stuff about me?”

“...yeah...i do. i think you’re...the most beautiful girl on the planet. i mean that from the bottom of my heart.”

you feel yourself starting to tear up

this is it. 

this was the perfect time to tell him.

“tom...i...there’s something i need to tell you and i don’t know what you’re going to think after i tell you but...i just want you to know...”

“go ahead, love. tell me. i have something i’d like to tell you to...”

deep bREATHS, y/n

your heart is beating so fucking fast, you think you’ll drop dead right then and there

“here we go.” you thought

there’s no going back now

“i can’t keep hiding this from you...how i feel about you. tom, i...i’m in love with you and i know how stupid that sounds. ‘tyler nolan’ isn’t a real person. i just made him up but i was really just talking about you. you’re my best friend and i never anticipated this to ever happen but, i don’t know what it is about you. you’re honestly one of my favorite people ever; the way you carry yourself, your selflessness, you’re just so perfect, and please don’t try to tell me you’re not. i love everything about you, right down to the flaws you think you have. i...know that you don’t feel the same way towards me but after tonight, i just felt like i should get this off my chest. i can tell you that i’ve felt this way towards you for as long as i can remember. i want to be with you, in every way, shape and form. i love you...thomas stanley holland. so much.”

...

mutha fuggin silence

tom

is

DYING

LIIIIIIIIKE 

😶

XABZNJAUIBDNLAISNI he’s actually ready to drop his pants and marry you

you immediately start freaking out because he’s not saying anything

“tommy...say something, please...”

tom starts tearing up because he’s so happy

“this is a miracle.” he thought

“i fucking love her. oh god, i love her”

“y/n...i lo--”

...

...

“tom?”

...

“hello? tom, are you still there?”

you moved the phone away from your ear and looked at your screen

the damn thing was back on your lock screen

you checked your battery, which now dropped to 43%

then you realized...

hIS FUCKING PHONE MUST’VE DIED

meanwhile

he’s actually freaking the fuck out at his house

“FUCKING HELL!!! SHIT!!!!” 

all of a sudden, he hears banging on his door

“TOM! SHUT UP, YOU’RE SO BLOODY LOUD, YOU WANKER!” he heard sam on the other side of the door 

tom ignores him and frantically tries to look for an extra charger in his room because haz ruined the one he already had

sam pulls open the door

“mate, be quiet! mum can hear you from upstairs. what are you doing? it’s almost two in the morning.” sam whisper-yelled

“y/n just poured her heart out to me on the phone and i need to tell her that i feel the same way she feels but my bloody phone died when i was about to tell her! do you have your charger? can i please borrow it?” tom exclaimed, frantically

“tessa bit mine, i need to get a new one. just ask mum for her’s in the morning. good god, go to sleep.” sam replies, storming out of tom’s room

tom sighs, defeated

he feels terrible about getting cut off because he’s worried about what you’re thinking

YOU ARE FREAKING OUT

you are tossing and turning, trying to figure out what tom was going to say

“i lo...? i love you but in a platonic way? i lost you, did you just say you love me?” you thought

UGH

ain’t nobody wanna wait

you probably got around two hours of sleep that night

finally the next day, your eyes snap open

you scramble to reach for your phone, which is sitting on your bedside table, with your charger hanging out of the bottom

you rip the cord out of your phone and find five texts from tom

thank GOD

you let out a sigh

YOU WERE SO RELIVED THAT HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY JUST HANG UP ON YOU

but like

dafuq

hang on?

HANG ON?

you notice that he sent these over an hour ago

suddenly, you heard a bang coming from outside your room

wTF 

your parent(s) is/are at work and your sibling(s) (if you have any) is/are gone on a school trip

you start freaking out

you quickly tumbled out of bed (your feet get caught on your blankets so you ate shit lel)

scooping yourself off the floor, you slowly but surely pull open your bedroom door

you have 911 dialled into your phone on standby

you tiptoe down the hall and peek your head into each door way of the main floor

nothing

there’s another bang

“the creep must be in the kitchen stealing my food” you thought

you trot over to the kitchen and you shat a brick

fuCKING TOM HAS HIS BACK TURNED TOWARDS YOU

“WHAT THE FUCK???”

he dropped a pan in fear, the metal clanking against the stove loudly

he FUCKING SHRIEKED (if tom shrieking isn’t adorable, then honestly wtf is)

tom whirled around quickly with his hand over his heart, trying to calm his breathing

“bloody hell! i just pissed myself, i didn’t even hear you come in.”

you moved towards him, the memories of your confession began to invade your head again

your knees buckled a little bit underneath you with every step you took but you tried your best to stand your ground, not letting the intimidation get to you

“what are you doing here?”

you look behind him

thAT FUQQIN QT

he was preparing breakfast for the two of you

scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes, breakfast sausage, toast, a bowl of strawberries, freshly squeezed orange juice and of course, the tea you both loved so much

you look back up at him in awe and he’s just smiling down at you

“i’m sorry for all the noise, love. i let myself in with the key you have hidden in the flower pot outside and i, uh...wanted to make you breakfast...”

you are still silent

this is the sweetest thing someone has ever done for you

“and i’m also here to tell you that...”

suddenly, tom was leaning down. his hand cupped your cheek and his arm wrapped around your waist

his lips were mere inches away from yours

instinctively, you placed both your hands on his biceps, holding them as you pushed forward too, closing the space between the both of you

MUTHA FUCKIN FIREWORKS ARE GOING OFF IN YALLS HEADS

of course both of you have kissed other people before but this kiss...

THIS KISS.

lemme tell u sumtin

this was the best friggin kiss either of you have ever had

tom was the first to pull away, but he rested his forehead on yours and chuckled under his breath

“i’m here to tell you that...i love you too. i’m so in love with you. i’ve been waiting ages for you to tell me what you told me last night.”

you couldn’t believe what you were hearing

“oh and, uh...’tracy lancaster’? she isn’t a real person either, just like ‘tyler’.”

your eyes scrunch a little as you giggled from how childish the two of you really are

you bring your arms up and wrap them around his neck, as his snake around your waist

you both stand there, full of content and full of love

“god...i love you, angel. you’re so bloody perfect. thank you for loving me.” tom whispered

the only thing you can think of is

“wowie, i guess i’m not just a spec of dust in this universe after all.”

after a while, you quickly left to brush your teeth and wash up for breakfast

you sit down at the table with tom, the both of you laughing, going over the times you both figured out your feelings towards one another

you both really enjoyed the breakfast

but let’s just say that breakfast wasn’t the only thing tom ate that morning

lol

sorry

kill me

byE

[quinnxra]

get to know!

Rules: answer the questions and tag nine people you want to get to know better/catch up with.

First of all, I feel so?? fucking?? honoured?? to have been tagged by the queen @helena-thessaloniki ?? My heart's about to burst, truly.

Second, I literally only know like 2 people on Tumblr, so...looks like I’m going to have to fully break the rules here 😅

Three ships:

Ben Solo (aka Kylo Ren)/Rey (Star Wars): enemies to lover trope, redemption arc!Ben.

This was the first pairing that I shipped so hard. I remember 4 years ago I spent an entire summer combing through over 10,000 fics on ao3, lol. The Reylo community's artists and fic writers are so fucking next lvl; they’d predicted shit far before the 2nd and 3rd movies were even released (fanboys can stay mad). I remember reading 30 page meta-analyses and essays back then about the lore, the ship, literature parallels, etc. and they were all so fucking academically rigorous, well thought-out and well-written? I’m still not over it. Anyways, Ben and Rey are a Dyad (two that are one) and share a Force Bond, so you can imagine how much fun fic writers got to have playing around with that idea (spoiler: imagine how fucking incredible the orgasms must feel with the Force Bond, oh god *shiver*).

In a nutshell, you’ve got this big, bad, extremely powerful dude who finally meets his match in the Force––this literal nobody from a desert planet in the middle of nowhere––and she challenges him in ways no one has ever challenged him before and shows him compassion in ways that no one has ever shown him before and oh god all the built-up angst and tension happen on a literal cosmic scale that puts all other enemies to lovers tropes to shame. Rey’s quite literally the light to Kylo’s darkness and together they bring balance to the Force. That’s all you gotta to know.

Levi/Mikasa (Attack on Titan): The potential between these two, oh my god.

Okay, I am obsessed with this ship right now, holy fuck. And I owe it mostly to incredible writers like Helena, @hashire and Lamentablebrats (on ao3). They brought this ship to life, honestly.

Levi’s my favourite fictional character of all time (god, for so many reasons) and I could probably write a 5 page essay doing a deep dive on his character and why he’s so great, but I’ll keep it simple here. I feel like most people get so caught up in the whole "hype-machine" aspect of Levi's character (don't get me wrong, this sexy mf is a fucking badass) that they forget how well-written and complex of a character he is. This man has grown up through so much adversity, has watched virtually every single person closest to him die and has endured so much on his own, but still, despite it all, refuses to give-in to the pain, the sorrow, the hurt. Levi has such a strong resolve and moral compass, and although he comes off as cold or stoic, he's actually the biggest softie inside (I think this duality actually makes him even sexier, lol.) People often forget how observant, sharp, thoughtful and compassionate he is, how unapologetically human he is. I think he's so deserving of love, and who better to give him it than the girl in the story whose ability to love is her greatest strength?

I love the idea of the two strongest characters in the AoT universe finding solace in each other's arms after they've each been through so much on their own. I love the idea of them being there for each other when no one else can. Both of them have really interesting personalities, and I think at the end of the day, they understand each other in ways that no one else is able to. RM fic writers have done such an excellent job exploring Levi and Mikasa's interesting dynamic, and it's made me fall even more in love with the ship.

Ri Jeong Hyeok/Yoon Seri (Crash Landing on You): Star-crossed lovers (I mean, North Korean soldier whose dad is a super prominent army figure + South Korean heiress who accidentally lands herself in NK in a paragliding accident? and now he has to hide her while trying to smuggle her back across the border? Sign me the fuck up). I’m not gonna lie, I have a thing for the whole quiet, stoic, disciplined, sharp, ravishingly sexy army dude type of character, and Ri Jeong Hyeok fits that bill so perfectly. It was so fun seeing Yoon Seri (this super strong, playful and self-confident woman who owns her own multi-million–billion?–dollar company) push his buttons and drive him crazy, haha.

But yeah, this ship. This ship had me fucked up. This kdrama was a roller coaster ride from start to finish; it was equal parts light, fun and funny and equal parts heavy, angsty and downright depressing (I mean, this ship takes star-crossed lovers to a whole new level).

Last song: "Zombie” (acoustic version) – The Cranberries

Last movie: Watched Cruella last night. Was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. The set and costume design and overall production quality were top tier.

Currently watching: Banana Fish (I have been putting off watching the last 4 eps for the last 2 months bc I read spoilers and am dreading the inevitable pain the ending will bring). Just started JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures (I’m 8 eps in but the plot isn’t really pulling me in? I love the art and animation style though and am hoping that things get better as more characters are introduced, haha).

Currently reading: My MCAT prep books I recently picked up The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath and A Little Life by Hanya Yanaghara (Ikik, I’m late to the game–I’d been putting off reading these because I was afraid they were overhyped/overrated :P). Not sure which one to read first...The Bell Jar looks like it can be easily finished in one sitting so I’m thinking to do that first? haha

Currently craving: A mojito by the beach. God, I can’t remember the last time I’ve enjoyed either of those.

Nine people:

get to know!

Rules: answer the questions and tag nine people you want to get to know better/catch up with.

Tagged by @infinitelystrangemachinex 😊🖤

Three ships: - Draco/Hermione (Harry Potter): enemies to lover trope, Pride and Prejudice retelling, flawed and dimensional characters, only/reluctantly intellectually compatible with each other, and of course redemption arc!Draco

- Levi/Mikasa (Attack on Titan): the parallels, ridiculous chemistry, angst and ability to relate, the only two who could truly challenge, appreciate and understand each other

- Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye (FMAB): the most delightfully understated ‘relationship’ ever, I swear, I mean, Elizabeth?? the phone call scene when he knows something is wrong immediately?? the fight scenes protecting each other?? the history?? agh my heart 

Last song: “God is She” - In this Moment

Last movie: Hmmm. I think Captain Marvel when I was visiting my parents last month, it was the only MCU movie they hadn’t seen

Currently watching: Vinland Saga, slowly but surely

Currently reading: The Red Queen, I’m 115 pages in and I’m very underwhelmed after so many people recommended this, please someone tell me whether or not to continue aha 

Currently craving: iced coffee, always (it’s currently 9 pm heh) 

Nine people: @a-slut-for-smut @quinnxra @blacklunamarie @crinklyhatesyou @linaxlight @joanofsn4rk @idealistic-imaginings @andromedafrigga43 @drivingthescrew