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t-a-a-1 · 2 days ago

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More Than Meets The Eye

TFA Optimus! X F!Reader

Summary: Being a rising journalist is difficult. Especially when you have to live a secret criminal life. Things get worst when you start to fall in love with your enemy, Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and hero of Detroit City.

You believe the feelings can't be mutual. Yet, he slowly starts to notice that you are more than meets the eye.

A/N: Lots of yearning. Jealously. Enemies to lovers?? You are a journalist who is also a criminal. Idk. Takes place between Season 1 and 2 of TFA.

Chapter 1: Ride or Die

....

Detroit City could be ugly, nasty, unhygienic, gentrified and many other things.

But never boring.

Especially with robotic aliens patrolling the streets.

Bots that you didn't trust fully nor liked very much.

Even more, that Optimus Prime that everyone seemed to like so much.

With his red and blue colors, his helm that looks like he is always wearing a cap and straight posture that was too authoritative for your liking.

While everyone was excited, taking pictures of the Autobots, you were there to ask the real questions. Your job as a reporter was to tell the truth and that's what you plan to do by exposing the leader of the Autobots.

"Mr. Prime, I have a question for you."

You raised your hand, not really sure if that matters but you wanted to keep being respectful.

"Oh, yes, how can I help you, ma'am?"

Optimus sees you walk through the crowd of people and paparazzi. Press conferences weren't unknown to him. The citizens, the reporters, the speechless mayor and his assistant that probably did everything for him.

"I've done some research and Detroit's oil supply has plummeted since your arrival to Earth. This has created a tax increase for all of Detroit's citizens. How do you respond to this?"

"Well, we do need to eat to keep helping the city," Optimus bends down to be able to speak on the mic. "But we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused."

"If you were sorry you and your team would have already found all the fragments of the AllSpark and departed Earth."

"How do you know about–?"

You didn't let him finish his question as you striked with another statement.

"But no, you and the Autobots are too focused on wasting Earth's resources and playing heroes to even think of recovering your world's most powerful energy source."

"What? No, we–"

He keeps getting interrupted by you. Although he tries to keep his cool, he wasn't in the best of moods either. Each statement you were making was ticking off his clock.

"Without mentioning that you have been spotted entering nearby natural reservation islands without the proper permissions or documentation."

"Well, yes but I thought it was fine–"

"Why would it be fine?" You look up at him. Even when you weren't very fond of the alien robots, you had to admit that they were a spectacle to look at. But you quickly shook the thought away. "Just because you are big and dangerous you think you are entitled to cross human law?"

"Look missy, I don't know what's your problem but–"

"My problem is that you are not answering my questions."

There's a bit of laughter coming from behind Optimus. If he had been smart enough, he could've said something along the lines of 'you aren't asking any questions, you are just saying statements.' Instead, he lashes out on you, giving you the exact reaction you wanted.

"If only you gave me time, I would respond to them!" Seeing his mistake, Optimus stands away from the pod, clearly frustrated at the situation. "You know what, we don't have the time for this."

Smiling Autobots was the first thing he saw as soon as he turned to look at them. He ex-vents, not wanting to deal with it.

"Autobots, transform and roll out."

The abandoned building had become their home. It was big enough to have rooms for everyone. Each catering for every bot's needs. But not even the vastness of the building could sparse the leader's rising annoyance. Walking from side to side of the hangar, looking down and with a servo on his chin, he questioned the previous interaction.

He doesn't remember seeing you before. Either that or your existence wasn't important enough for his processor to remember.

"How did that lady know about the AllSpark?" Optimus keeps walking as Bumblebee and Sari play video games on the sofa. "We haven't told anyone about the fragments."

Hearing something being dropped, Optimus quickly turns to look at the little girl who has taken long-term residence at their base.

"Sari?" Optimus questions, getting closer to her. "Is there anything you want to say?"

"Sorry, I thought yall were going to release that information to the public soon," she plays with her thumbs, moving them in a circle in between her hands. "So, I thought, why not sell the information to a reporter? Save you guys the time!"

"Why would you do that?"

Bumblebee questions her, he didn't know about her actions either.

"Because I need the money! If I don't have money, I can't afford food. If I don't eat, I'll die!" Sari feels threatened, especially when she sees the rest of the bots gathering around her. "And all my credit cards have been frozen ever since my dad disappeared."

It was as if everyone had a spoken agreement. Her explanation was a very good one. Feeling shy and maybe like a burden to them, she did what any little girl would. As best as she could with the current circumstances. No one was angry at her, just worried for what this could bring to the team.

"What else have you told her?"

Prowl asks this time, sounding as calm as ever.

"Nothing, I promise!" Sari exclaimed. "Actually, ever since I told her about my situation, she never fails to send me some money in the mail."

"Probably to gain your trust so you could later tell her more information about us," Ratchet always assumed the worst of people. A trait that no one could blame. Being a war-veteran, distrusting others was the best for survival.

"I don't think so, she just sends money. No notes, no letters, nothing."

"Whatever the situation is, we can't have her spreading misinformation about us," Bulkhead is the last to speak his mind.

"She wasn't lying, bulkhead," Optimus remembers your statements. Each of them had truth in them. "She was right. We did everything she said we did."

As much as he wanted to reprimand the little girl, he couldn't do it. Instead he takes a few seconds to think.

"But we can't have her writing negative articles about us," he says as he takes a moment to look at his very little friend. "Especially if we plan to ask for some monetary compensation for Sari."

He really didn't want to ask for any kind of payment from the humans. Everything he did, he did in the name of goodness and to further improve Cybertronian-Human diplomatic relationships. But Sari was part of the team and his duty as leader was to take care of everyone. And she was a helpless little girl. He needs to take care of her properly and for that he needs human currency. Not much, just whatever is needed for a human to survive. Food, maybe clothes? Water. Oxygen? Medication ... Education? Did she need that? He is not sure but maybe Sari could make him a list later.

For now, there is a reporter he needs to find.

You weren't new to doing undercover work. You enjoyed it, pretending to be someone else, getting the information you needed, then going home as if you had lived another life.

Tonight, it was one of those nights. Where you wore heels, a skirt and a revealing top. Loose hair and lip gloss and a wing to cover your real hair color.

During the day you were a reporter. Tonight you were a car enthusiast.

"So, would you take me?"

"A beautiful car needs a beautiful woman,"

You had been talking with a man for fifteen minutes. It's stupid how easy it was to get a man. Just listening to them talk for ten minutes straight without talking usually does the trick.

"And you know, racing is not the only thing I am good at."

Smiling, not because of his suggestive comment but because you were about to get what you wanted, you were about to make your way inside the car.

Until bright lights pointing at you ruined the moment.

"What does that freak want?"

There is a loud sound of engine coming from the large truck. Although the light was bright, you could see a few shades of blue and red.

"This is the police, stand down."

"Shit."

The man who you were talking to didn't hesitate to turn on his car and speed up. Letting off a train of fumes and leaving you behind.

Great, now you had to explain that you weren't a hooker but an undercover reporter to the officer.

Except that this wasn't a cop. It wasn't even a person. But a driverless car. A bot you tragically knew too well.

"So you have come for your revenge after today's press conference?" you ask sarcastically as you begin to walk away. You raised your hand and waved from side to side."Well, you got it. Now leave me alone."

You can hear the little 'click and clack' of your heels as they impact against the concrete ground. But close by you can still hear the roaring engines. Headlights were still pretty bright and you wondered if he understood human cues. Because this just looks like some guy harassing a woman.

"Not even a 'thank you' for saving you from that guy?" Optimus follows as he drives next to you. "I thought you would be more educated."

"Well, I didn't ask you to save me," you wanted to take bigger steps but you've been walking for so long with your heels that you can't do it anymore. "Is butting into other people's business an Autobot costume?"

"Look I am not going to fall into your tactics," he says. "I just came to say that I think we started off with the wrong pede."

"Oh? Really? Why do you think that?"

"Well, for starters, I think you have the wrong ideas about us," Optimus takes a closer look at you. Wearing a different style than what you wore this morning. "Yes you are right, sometimes we don't do the right thing. But we are new here and we don't know any better."

"So you should be excused for all actions just because of your ignorance?" you feel like you are being observed. Not in a desirable manner but rather a curious one. Optimus didn't have 'eyes' but optics. His vision is probably more enhanced, being a bot and all. "Is that what you are saying?"

"No, I am saying that maybe you could try and understand us and be more ... lenient whenever you write about us."

"And why would I do that?" you began to feel self conscious. Miniskirts weren't your thing, you liked them but Optimus heavy optics on you wasn't the most comfortable. Maybe it was all your imagination. Besides, you doubted that Optimus could feel attraction towards a human. "Are you going to hurt me if I don't?"

"What? No!"

You stop walking and suddenly turn to look at him.

"Then I won't change anything."

He doesn't want to think about it too much but he feels his something inside him short-circuit. Now, he realized he had been staring at you for too long. Particularly interested in your skin. As far as he knows metal and skin don't react the same way to cold. Your material being more sensitive to climate change. He was studying you and all he concluded is that you were cold.

"Why do you care so much about what we do and don't? How does it even affect you?" his engines roar louder. "We help the humans with crime, cleaning the streets, repairing buildings and other humiliating things without any type of compensation but I don't see you writing about that stuff!"

"Do you know what happens when you and your crew destroy a building?"

"The city repairs it."

"Yes, they do," you walk towards him, aggressively placing your hands on his door. His truck form was too large for you to reach his window. It's not like you were planning to punch him but rather make your point. "But who's money do they use to repair those damages?"

He stays quiet and you proceed.

"The people's money," using your index finger, you keep poking at him each time you make a statement. "Ever since you and your Autobots got here, things have become way more expensive. Food, gas, bills. There are families who will be homeless because they can't afford to pay rent. All because the city is raising taxes to pay for all the damages you cause."

His headlights blink every time you keep touching him, with every word that escapes your lips.

"It's already hard enough being a journalist in Detroit and now I have to focus on surviving too. I need to contribute good stories to the newsroom or I won't even have money to buy cigarettes."

Then, you point off into the distance, the road is clear but dark. Only the city lights illuminated the path but everything had an eerie feel to it .

"And that guy you just scared off? He was my ticket to have a warm meal tonight and you ruined it for me."

You take your hands off him. His headlights stop blinking.

"So, I am sorry. I am sorry I won't write about how the Autobots are Detroit's heroes and how good they are because they pick up some cans."

You walk away. Now thinking of whether to spend your last $20 bucks on food or a taxi to take you home.

At least you can't hear the roaring engine anymore.

As he sees you struggle to keep walking, Optimus notices your shivering. How you tried to cover your backside with your bag and how ever so often your stomach would quietly growl. Although he wasn't an expert on human biology, he knew that meant you were hungry.

He remembers your words and then Sari's. Although you were struggling to survive, you still somehow managed to help out Sari. A job he is supposed to be doing but failing miserably.

"I– " he drives up to you again. For a second, he doesn't have anything to say. Apologizing won't help you in any way. "Is there any way I can help?"

"Well, unless you can transform into a racing car and take me to do some illegal car racing, I don't think so."

Behind you, you hear metal shifting. Driving next to you is blue and red ... Corvette? Camaro? Ferrari? You didn't know a single thing about cars but the only thing you knew is that it was a nice looking car. Dynamic, elegant and shiny. Hot and sexy. And a beautiful car needs a beautiful girl.

"Anything else?"

It was 3 a.m.

A dark and isolated road on the outskirts of Detroit will be witness to your first car racing. You didn't know a single thing about cars and much less racing. But thankfully for you, your racer is a car. He should know better ... right?

As a reporter you are supposed to blend in with the crow but with Optimus, you knew that was impossible. All eyes were on you as soon as you drove by the starting line. Wondering who had just joined the car racing scene.

"Everyone is here ... Can't we just arrest them?"

"No, I am not the police. I am just here to report on things. To inform people this is happening."

You look around the vehicle, there was technology that Earth didn't have. There wasn't a single thing you could understand. Getting nervous, you tried to get some fresh air. Clicking a few random buttons, you hear Optimus make a few displeased growls.

"Would you stop that? You know you are touching my body, right?"

You quickly stop, not knowing how to feel about being inside a mechanic alien.

"Can you lower the windows then? I am starting to feel a little claustrophobic."

Optimus does as you told him and now you get a clearer view of your sides. To your right there is a white Camaro with black racing stripes. To your left, a red and white car. The fancy type which brand you didn't know nor care.

"Hey beautiful, when I win let's make out in the back of my car!"

Hearing that comment, you tell Optimus to roll up the windows again. He quickly didn't hesitate to ask questions.

"What is make out?"

You see another woman stand in front of the car. Holding a red handkerchief. Extremely beautiful and thin, she made walking in heels look easy. The cars start their engines and you start regretting this.

"If we win this, I'll show you."

"What do we get if we win anyway?"

Looking at the steering wheel, you think about holding it but then again Optimus seems very decided for you not to touch him. Not wanting to make him uncomfortable, you shake the thought off your head.

"I get a good story and three thousand dollars."

"Can I have some of that money? For Sari, of course."

"Absolutely but," you look around the car, trying to look for the seatbelt. The race was about to start and you couldn't find it. "Where is the seat-"

But the race had started, Optimus didn't listen as he sped though the road. You abruptly lay back on the seat. Making mental notes about the situation. The racers, the rules, the cars, the place.

You wished you could enjoy the excitement of the race ... if it only wasn't that your life was held by a threat.

As Optimus makes an abrupt turn, you move from one seat to the other. Almost doing a complete 360.

"Would you care to drive more carefully?!"

You rub your head. Feeling like a small bump on the back, you are thankful the windows are tinted dark. No one can see your humiliating falling and bumping into Optimus windows and door.

"Don't you want to win, missy?"

"I can only win if I get to the finishing line ALIVE!"

As if he wasn't hearing you, he makes another aggressive movement. This time you end up side down, with your head on the feet rest and your legs on the passenger seat.

"THAT'S IT! I AM DRIVING!"

You straighten up and quickly put your hands on the steering wheel, taking control of the alien mech.

"Hey, missy! Hands off the steering wheel!!"

"I'll do that when you learn how to drive!"

You fought against his strength, as he moved himself to the opposite side. It wasn't often that you fought against an alien but if your life wasn't in danger you wouldn't do so. Watching all the cars passing by was also alarming, you weren't only going to die but also lose.

"I'll have you know my driving skills have been renowned by the Elite Guard!"

"I don't give a f–"

He lost control, as you did. The screeching tires against the pavement could be heard as the rubber of them burned. You couldn't react as Optimus crashes against a pine tree. Hitting your head against the steering wheel, you thought you might get a concussion. However, you get enough strength to get out of the car and walk a few meters away from him. It wasn't until all the racing cars had passed you that Optimus transformed back to his robot form.

"I just got a new paint job and a polish!"

He says as he sees some scratches on his body.

"And you almost killed me!" you put a hand on your head, it hurts as if your whole brain was pulsating. Your sight is dizzy and your body is weak. "I knew it, I knew this wouldn't work out and I still trusted you."

"We wouldn't be here if you had only kept your hands to yourself."

"No, we wouldn't be here if only you had a goddamn seatbelt?!"

Optimus was also frustrated with the situation. Now he is too far behind to win the race and he needed the money to buy food for Sari. Not only that but after tonight he is going to have to give explanations to the rest of his team. He is probably gonna be made fun of for not having a 'leader-behavior' and they were right. Because why was he here? At first, he just wanted to help you. But it seems you don't want to nor appreciate his effort.

"And why would I? I don't let humans inside me," he points at you, unaware of your delicate state. "Besides it's not my fault your body is so weak."

"Well, for someone who is supposed to protect life, you certainly do a great," there is clear sarcasm in your voice. You probably shouldn't be fighting against a giant robot but if he were to squish you right now, he would be doing you a favor.

"I don't even know why you are on Earth if you don't even like humans."

"Oh, I like humans, I just don't like you."

"Well, the feeling is mutual."

You take off your heels and start walking back on the cold pavement. Feeling cold everywhere, you wonder what is going to kill you first. Hypothermia or brain damage.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"We are on the outskirts of the city, you'll get home by the next solar cycle if you walk."

As much as Optimus dislikes you, he wouldn't let a lady walk alone at night.

"Let me take you home."

"No," now it hurts to breathe. You probably got a few injuries but you tried to hide the pain. The last thing you wanted was to confirm Prime's idea that you were weak. You were, but he didn't have to know. "Just leave me alone."

"Does your pride have no end?" Optimus' words weren't helping either. "Just come inside–"

He was going to keep talking until he noticed that you had stopped walking. He sees you put a hand on your head and the other on your stomach.

Suddenly, you lose balance and he quickly reaches a servo out to catch you. He had assumed that most humans should be warm. The coldness of your body was not common. Analyzing you, he sees that you are still breathing but unconscious. You are small on his servo and he feels as though he needs to cover you.

Maybe, you were right ... he should have let you drive.

There were many questions in Ratchet's processor. But seeing Optimus' worried face restrained his voice box from instigating the Prime.

"I am not an expert in human biology but my analysis says that she is dehydrated and malnourished. She probably hasn't eaten in days."

Ratchet sees you in the medical berth. In a deep sleep and weakend, he doesn't know when you will wake up.

"Don't you think it would have been better to take her to a human medical center?"

"I thought about it but while I was driving, she woke up momentarily and asked me not to take her there."

Optimus had assumed that the reason you didn't want to go to a 'hospital' was due that maybe you didn't have a means to pay for it. The thought alone made him spark ache, he didn't understand why humans would charge for a basic right.

"Well then, make yourself useful and bring her some warm human fuel," Ratchet says. "And maybe some human clothes with more fabric or a blanket."

Optimus nods, but there is hesitancy. He doesn't move and Ratchet catches on this. His optics are on you as if studying you. Most obvious, there is guilt and worry. He takes a closer look at him. Some part of his paint was ripped off and his metal was scratched.

"Did anything of importance happen?"

"I tried to help her with something but things didn't occur as I planned them."

There was something he was keeping to himself.

"Did anything else happen?"

"It's just ...," he pauses and the longer he looks at you, the more Ratchet wonders. He has known the boy for some time now. He has seen him at his best and at his worst but this is different. It's like he wants to say or do something but he can't. Either because he is too timid or because he can't find the right words. But Optimus' eloquence was known through all of Cybertron.

"It's nothing."

The smell of chicken noodle soup wakes up. It is an unknown place but you feel warm. Much more than your cold, small apartment. It was a bright room, and underneath was a red, giant medical bed. A white blanket covers your body and the face of a little girl stares right at you.

"Hi!"

You slowly stand up, your head still hurting but at least you were alive.

"Hey, kid."

You take a better look at the place around you. At least it wasn't a hospital and for that you were thankful.

"I am Sari! And you must be (Y/N)? We exchanged Autobot information before?"

The girl was smiling, excited to see you. By hearing her name, you immediately knew what she was referring to. A few weeks ago, you had received a letter from someone, you assumed that it was a kid due to the wacky handwriting and simple vocabulary. Nonetheless, this kid was selling Autobot information to you, some things valuable, others not so much. After learning the truth behind the kid, you decided to help her as much as you could.

"I am guessing this is the secret base of the Autobots?"

You ask the obvious. You didn't find any other logical explanation as to why there would be such big beds and medical equipment.

"Yeah ... Please, don't tell anyone," Sari says. "Or Optimus is gonna have to threaten you."

"Well, I would like to see him try," you give the little girl a head pat. "But I promise I won't say a word, just because you ask me to."

This would have been valuable information if it wasn't due that it didn't matter anymore. You were supposed to have a story by today and the only thing you have is a headache. Another day, another non-existent payment. You are gonna have to get used to eating air at this point.

"You should eat," Sari puts the bowl of soup closer to you. "Optimus made it for you and I helped, of course."

After hearing his name, you quickly turn to look at the little girl. You could tell she was telling the truth but she also had a mischievous smile.

"Is there something you want to ask me?"

You weren't about to make a meal go to waste. Picking up the spoon, you start to dig in. It wasn't bad and you wonder if Optimus actually helped at all because you can't imagine someone who is unable to taste human food, being able to make something this good.

"Well, I was wondering ... Will you be staying with us from now on?"

"No," you simply say, too concentrated in eating to think properly. "Why are you asking that?"

"Well, do you want to?"

"Thanks for the offer but I don't think the Autobots would like me here."

"But I can get so lonely sometimes!" Sari puts puppy eyes on her face and you have to admit that it was slowly working. "I need a friend."

"You can still write to me if you would like."

"That's not enough ..."

Suddenly, you heard loud and big steps approaching from behind you. You didn't want to think about it. If you don't see it, it's not real. But then you hear mechanics moving and you are sure that if you were to turn around, you'll find a very unpleasant faceplate.

"Sari, do not overwhelm our guests," Optimus says. "She's still recovering."

"Don't mind me, I was just leaving."

Like an animal, you drink the last of your soup and put it next to you.

"Hey um ... About last night, I ..." He pauses and struggles with his words. "I wanted to apologize–"

"No need."

You stand up and let the white blanket covering you slip off your body. It gets cold immediately and you are tempted to ask if you can stay with the blanket.

"Wait! If you really need to, you can stay here,"

"And become your charity project? No, thank you."

His faceplate was still very close to yours. Now you can take a closer look at his optics. You didn't want to admit it but they were quite beautiful. A type of blue not found on Earth. Maybe not even in the entire universe. It was unique to him and you were a bit jealous of his own individuality.

"I am just trying to help."

"I think you have helped enough," you weren't about to fall for his kindness. It was his own stubbornness that put you in this situation. That and that you haven't taken care of yourself properly but he doesn't have to know that. "If I let you help me again, then I'll for sure die."

"If only you would put your pride away, we could help each other–"

"You want to help me? Why? Because you like me? Or to subside your guilt?"

"Because it's the right thing to do."

"The right thing to do?" You can't stand his righteousness. Pretending to be this all-good creature when you know that can't be. How good can he be when he is the cause of your misfortunes? Not only yours but to a lot of more people. The worst part of it all is that he doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. "Why don't you start by leaving my planet first then?"

Optimus stares at you and you look back at him. It was a few seconds but to you it lasted minutes.

He doesn't say anything but slowly moves apart from you and walks away.

You turn to look at Sari who was still sitting close by.

"Sorry you had to see that kid."

"It's alright, but can I tell you something?"

You didn't want to be here. The sun was probably about to rise and you just wanted to go home. But you couldn't say no to the girl, she seemed too sweet and her situation was still lamentable. You nod, confirming for Sari to continue.

"I've known Optimus for a time now and I can tell you that he is not very well-versed with the ladies," she says. "He rescued a woman once and she asked for his phone number."

Tilting you heard, a lot of things crossed your mind. You have so many questions, especially about the kind of woman who would want a machine as something more than a friend.

"And what happened?"

"He gave it to her and she texted him," she raised a small hand, pointing up. "The text said 'Do you think I am pretty?"

"And Optimus texted back saying 'I think you look soft and squeezable. And she never texted back."

You stopped yourself from laughing. Although a small smile left your lips. You look away for a second and then look back at the young girl.

"Optimus is good at hiding his feelings but you can tell he was sad she never texted him back."

"Why are you telling me this?"

You finally ask, curious about the story but mostly about Sari's intentions.

"Just so you know that he can be an idiot sometimes but he has a good heart ... Well, spark," Sari's voice becomes more gentle and this caught your attention. This wasn't supposed to be a funny story and now you feel a bit shameful for laughing.

"And I think he just doesn't know how to tell you that."

The sun was starting to come out.

You took off your heels for a little bit until the cold pavement was too much to handle for your skin.

You weren't expecting for things to go this way. Wanting to start a new life, away from everything. It was all going smoothly until they arrived. Now you find yourself on a bench, cold and hungry. Waiting for the first bus to take you home.

How much longer did you have to endure?

You cover your face, ashamed of yourself. Of every decision you have made in your life. This is your reality now. About to be kicked out of your apartment, without a stable job and nowhere to go. No one to talk to.

Your cellphone rings.

Not recognizing the phone number on the screen, you were hesitant to answer but lastly, you picked it up, things can't get worse anyways.

"It was harder to get a hold of you than I thought."

You recognized that voice.

"But I am glad you are doing fine. How's the city life treating you?"

"How did you find me?"

You ask as you look around you. No one was out yet. Just a few cars passed by and the tweets of birds could be heard.

"That doesn't matter. I called thinking you may be interested in a job."

"I am not. No matter what you say, I won't go back there."

"Are you sure? I can send you over the first half of the payment right now."

You were in desperate need. He knows that and is taking advantage of that. Your instincts were begging you to say yes. To just do one more job, to get enough food to survive for a little while until you can get back on your feet. But ...

"I appreciate the offer. But I have to decline."

There is a long pause.

"We'll keep in touch."

"Still thinking about that woman?"

When Ratchet says things like that, it's difficult not to notice the subtle hits in his voice box.

"Perhaps."

Ratchet can tell many things from the Prime's actions. He wasn't drinking his fuel and in deep thought. At least he wasn't denying the question.

"I am sure you'll see her again," Ratchet says as he pat's Optimus' shoulder plate. "Next time ask for her number."

"It's not like that."

His cheeks have a slight blue. Very minimal but Ratchet knows better than that.

It was a lively evening in the Autobot's base. With Bumblebee and Sari playing video games while Prowl and Bulkhead stand next to them. Optimus and Ratchet usually watch from the sidelines, never participating but just treasuring the tranquility of the moment.

"If it's not that then what is it?"

"I just ..."

Optimus hesitates not because he didn't want to tell Ratchet but because he couldn't understand his own feelings. Was it guilt? Curiosity? It's strange and yet both emotions are something he wishes to not feel. He should be worrying about the things he can fix, people he can help.

He shouldn't think about you.

About yesterday night. About the drive back to the base. You laid on his seat, unconscious. Yet you mustered the strength to say three simple words.

"Don't leave me."

And just like that. His spark ached.

Damn you.

He doesn't have time for this. For all he cares, he hopes to never see you again.

Because how dare you play with his feelings like that?

"I'm going for a drive."

There was nothing else to do but ride or die.

A/N: Here is a new story I am working on. It was really fun to write this. Thank you for all the support you have given me this far! I'll continue to write. For any ideas, comments, concerns, comments you can always message me/or inbox me here. Thank you. Also sorry for any mistakes I made. I don't proof read. Regardless, I hope you enjoy and I'll be answering comments soon!

See you in the next story!

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airybcby · 3 days ago

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for the new event! ~ 🫐 & 🍦 with barou please!

a barou shoei blueberry sundae :)

જ⁀♡⊹｡° last ones out

♡ a/n — for my more than a married couple event :) - masterlist -

♡ word count — 1.3k

♡ content — barou shoei x gn! reader, gn! reader, one bed trope, mentions of barou's sisters, reader calls barou king once, very respectful barou, reader confesses, i have barou blush a lot idk why

♡ synopsis — who knew a broken bed could lead to you building a great wall of china of pillows just so barou shoei can have a place to sleep comfortably.

Barou Shoei was prideful to a fault.

That much became glaringly obvious within the first week of the marriage simulation.

When his bed frame broke on the third night, you could tell he didn’t want to admit it was a problem. He’d barely mentioned it, brushing it off like it wasn’t a big deal.

“I’ll sleep on the floor,” he said, arms crossed as if daring you to challenge him.

“You can’t just sleep on the floor, Barou. We have a couch, at least—”

“Too small,” he interrupted, glancing disdainfully at the tiny loveseat in the corner. “I’ll manage.”

You stared at him, incredulous. “For a whole week? Until the landlord gets it fixed?”

Barou’s jaw tightened. “It’s fine. I don’t need anything else.”

You wanted to argue, but you could see the stubborn set of his shoulders, the way he stood firm like this was some kind of test of willpower.

Still, you hated the thought of him waking up sore and miserable every day.

“You could...” The words came out before you could second-guess them. “You could stay in my bed. Just until your bed gets fixed.”

Barou’s eyes snapped to yours, wide and disbelieving. “What?”

“You heard me,” you said, trying to sound casual even as your heart raced. “We can put a pillow wall between us. It’s not a big deal.”

He stared at you for a long moment, his lips pressed into a thin line.

“No,” he said firmly, shaking his head. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not? It’s just a bed.”

“It’s not just a bed!” he snapped, his voice louder than he’d intended. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before muttering, “I’d never let a man sleep in my sisters’ beds. No matter the reason.”

The comparison caught you off guard.

“This is different,” you said softly. “We’re partners for this simulation, remember? It’s not like I’m asking you to stay forever. Just until your room’s fixed.”

Barou hesitated, his gaze flickering to the couch again. You could see the conflict in his eyes, the way his pride and practicality were warring with each other.

He was too proud to admit that sleeping on the floor was a bad idea, but he also didn’t want to impose.

After what felt like an eternity, he sighed.

“Fine,” he muttered, not meeting your gaze. “But only until my bed’s fixed.”

The first night was painfully awkward.

Barou lay stiff as a board on his side of the bed, his arms pinned to his sides like he was bracing for battle. The pillow wall you’d built between you felt more symbolic than functional, but it seemed to put him at ease.

You watched him out of the corner of your eye, wondering if he’d ever relax.

“Are you always this tense?” you teased lightly, trying to break the ice.

“Shut up,” he grumbled, turning his back to you. “I’m trying to sleep.”

You bit back a smile, settling into your own side of the bed.

It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

By the third night, things had loosened up—slightly.

Barou wasn’t quite as stiff, though he still stuck to his side of the bed with military precision. He even helped you rebuild the pillow wall after you accidentally knocked it over in your sleep.

“You’re lucky I didn’t kick you out,” he muttered, his tone gruff but not unkind.

“Sure, King,” you teased, earning a rare, faint smirk from him.

Everything changed on the fifth morning.

You woke up to the sun streaming through the curtains, the warmth of something solid and heavy draped over your body.

It took you a moment to realize what it was.

Barou’s arm was slung over your waist, his face buried in the crook of your neck. His deep, even breathing tickled your skin, and you froze, unsure of what to do.

The pillow wall had disappeared at some point during the night, leaving you tangled together like it had never existed.

You glanced over your shoulder, your heart racing as you took in the rare softness of his expression. Asleep, he looked...different. Peaceful, almost.

But then he stirred, his eyes blinking open.

The realization hit him like a freight train.

“Shit—” He scrambled back, his face a brilliant shade of red. “What the hell?”

“I—I don’t know!” you stammered, sitting up quickly. “You must’ve rolled over or something.”

Barou looked away, running a hand through his hair as he muttered something under his breath.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said finally, his voice gruff. “Just...forget it happened.”

But you couldn’t forget—not the warmth of his touch, not the way your heart had fluttered in those fleeting moments.

The incident was never brought up again, but it lingered between you like an unspoken truth.

Barou was quieter after that morning, more thoughtful in a way that made your chest ache. He’d return to his usual gruffness quickly enough, but there was something different in the way he’d look at you sometimes—a flicker of hesitation, as though he was holding back something he couldn’t quite say.

It wasn’t until the end of the simulation, as you both stood in the now-empty apartment, packing up the last of your things, that he finally broke the silence.

“Sorry,” he muttered abruptly, his voice low.

You glanced up, confused. “For what?”

His shoulders stiffened as he avoided your gaze. He rubbed the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. “For... that morning.”

It didn’t take much to know what he was referring to. You remembered it too—the way you’d woken up tangled together, the pillow wall nowhere in sight.

“It’s okay,” you said, offering him a small smile. “I didn’t mind—”

“That’s the problem!” he cut you off, his voice sharper than he intended. His face flushed red, and he turned away, unable to look at you. “I shouldn’t have— It’s like I—” He struggled to find the words, frustration lacing his tone. “I pushed myself onto you.”

“Barou.” You stepped closer, your voice firm enough to make him stop. “You didn’t push yourself onto me.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but you cut him off, your heart hammering as you said, “I liked it.”

That made him freeze.

He stared at you like you’d just said something incredibly stupid, his dark eyes wide and disbelieving.

“What?”

You swallowed hard, willing yourself to keep going. “I liked it,” you repeated, softer this time. “I liked being close to you. I...” You took a deep breath, your hands trembling slightly. “I like you, Barou. I have for a while. And I don’t want this to just be a simulation. I want us to be real.”

The silence that followed felt deafening.

Barou’s face turned pink, his lips parting as though he wanted to say something but couldn’t quite find the words. When he finally spoke, his voice was gruff, almost defensive.

“You’re so stupid,” he muttered, rubbing a hand over his face to hide the faint blush creeping up his cheeks.

You blinked, taken aback. “What—”

“Stupid,” he repeated, shaking his head as he glanced at you. His expression softened just slightly, his tone losing some of its edge. “You’re putting up with me. Saying stuff like that... What the hell am I supposed to do with you?”

You couldn’t help the small smile tugging at your lips. “You could start by saying yes.”

Barou exhaled sharply, his gaze darting away again. His ears were tinted pink now, but he didn’t argue.

“Yeah, fine,” he muttered finally, shoving his hands into his pockets. “We’ll try it. But don’t blame me if you get sick of me, got it?”

You laughed softly, stepping closer to brush your hand against his. “I don’t think that’ll happen.”

For a moment, Barou didn’t move, but then, with a quiet sigh, his hand wrapped around yours, his grip firm and warm.

“Don’t make me regret this,” he said, his voice low but sincere.

“You won’t,” you promised, your smile widening as you squeezed his hand.

And for the first time, Barou Shoei let himself believe that maybe, just maybe, this was something worth holding on to.

i love him so much someone sedate me

i hope you liked it!

likes , comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

#★ · airybcbyy #bllk #blue lock #airy answers asks :)#airy posts #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #barou shoei #shoei barou #bllk barou #bllk shoei #bllk barou shoei #blue lock shoei #blue lock barou #blue lock barou shoei #barou shoei x reader #barou shouei x reader #barou x reader

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thewertsearch · 7 hours ago

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Anonymous asked: just read through your entire liveblog and wow. what a place to catch up. do you have any predictions about what the postscratch versions of the guardians will be? what about the guardian versions of the kids?

So.

Mom Lalonde, Grandpa Harley, Nanna Egbert, and Bro Strider, reborn as the story's protagonists, and thrust into a Playerdom I never expected them to bear. The consequences of this reveal are likely to kick in on the very next page - and since that's a page I'm clicking on tonight, this is my last chance for some blind speculation.

There are an absolute mountain of angles I could potentially cover here, and it's impossible to address all the implications of this twist, so I'm just going to touch on a few key questions that Act 6 will need to answer sooner rather than later.

Without further ado, let's dive into our first question.

Who, exactly, is raising these kids?

The simplest solution, of course, would be a one-to-one exchange between each Player and their Guardian. That certainly seems to be the case for Jade and Grandpa, who have been directly swapped. This would imply that Rose raised Mom, Dave raised Bro, and John might have raised Nanna. (More on that later.)

Still, that's not the only possibility. There's no reason why Dave couldn't raise the adolescent Mom instead, for example, with Rose adopting the younger Bro in his stead. That particular configuration has a lot of character potential, actually, because Bro Lalonde would undoubtedly be an unholy terror, and Mom Strider might just be one of the coolest characters I've ever conceived of.

This aesthetic, with those shades? Come on.

...all that said, though, I'm fairly sure we are just getting a one-to-one swap. That's how it appears to have worked for the trolls, and the one post-Scratch Player with a confirmed Guardian already matches this pattern.

Plus, swapping the kids with their own parents is just so interesting, on a character level, as it'd add a whole new dimension of analysis to the fucked-up relationships between Bro & Dave, Mom & Rose, and Grandpa & Jade.

Seeing how they all treat each other, now that the roles have been reversed, would be incredibly illuminating, and might shed some light on the thought processes of the pre-Scratched Guardians, as they were raising their own respective charges.

Anyway - now that we've got that out of the way, let's talk about each individual family.

The Egberts

Astute readers will notice that I only mentioned the Guardian-Player parallels for three of our Players above - and that's because when it comes to the fourth, there's a slight complication.

Namely, Dad Egbert no longer exists.

This means that Nanna's home life can't parallel John's, because the man who raised John was never even born. It's possible, then, that John will simply raise Nanna himself, as her grandfather.

Honestly, that's the scenario I'm hoping for, here. Out of our four original Players, I think that John would be the best parent by far - he's sweet, resilient, and has a natural talent for nurturing the positive qualities of the people he loves. If a baby lands in his backyard, he's going to rise to the challenge, octogenarianism be damned.

...now, here's where I'd speculate a little about Nanna's personality, but she's the one post-Scratch Player I can't really get a bead on. We only ever interacted with her Spritesona, whose personality was obviously corrupted by the presence of the jester doll.

As a result, I don't really have a clue what Nanna will be like. The only thing I'm sure about, if John's the one raising her, is that she'll be loved.

The Striders

First of all, I have faith in Dave.

I think he's more or less guaranteed to be a better Guardian than his brother ever was. Granted, I don't think Dave would be particularly paternal, but I also think he'll be able to refrain from beating Bro's ass with a puppet, which is progress.

I think Dave would be a laissez-faire type of guardian, who allows the younger Bro a lot more agency and autonomy than other kids his age, but also struggles to be the adult in the room when his kid needs guidance. He's not going to be as traumatized as his younger self, but I bet it's still borderline impossible to have a serious conversation with him. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Kid Bro turned out to be the more mature of the pair.

In a nutshell, Dave was born to be a cool uncle, but was forced unwittingly into a parental role instead. He's doing his best.

Quite frankly, I'm very worried about Kid Bro.

If we assume that every Paradox Clone keeps the same Veil item as last time - and there's no reason why they wouldn't - then Bro will be coming down with Lil' Cal, the cursed puppet created by Gamzee's Chucklevoodoos.

I'm still convinced that long-term exposure to this abomination was the main reason Bro was so batshit insane, and while the younger Bro won't have been around it for quite as long, he'll still have thirteen years of an evil Juggalo's Rage miasma being beamed into his brain.

I think Kid Bro will be a little batshit, but not completely batshit. We'll see a child with the potential to become the deranged ventriloquist who tormented Dave, but one who can still be saved, if we can just get that hell puppet away from him.

Separated from Cal, I still think Bro will be a memelord, and I'm sure not all his interests came from the puppet. I think this guy was always destined to be a pretty bizarre dude - but with luck, this iteration of him will be a little more pleasant to be around.

The Lalondes

Rose... could go either way, honestly.

Just like Dave, I don't think she's the type who'd willingly choose to be a parent. Rose doesn't want a baby, she wants a library full of cursed tomes, a coven of witches to scheme with, and to live in an enormous gothic castle with her wife, Kanaya Maryam. Her ideal lifestyle couldn't handle a kid, and I think she's self-aware enough to know that, and adopt a hundred mutant kittens instead.

That said... if she had to raise a daughter, I think she'd try her best to do right by the girl. I think some part of her would absolutely resent the fact that she's a background character in someone else's life - especially if, like the Sufferer, she remembers being a Player - but she'd do everything she could to keep that resentment to herself.

Rose would be an alright mother. A little cold, maybe, and more than a little distant, but she'd still love her Roxy.

As for Roxy, I can only assume she's a gigantic fucking badass. Even among the Guardians, her barehanded combat feats were always astounding, and I think she and Kid Bro will be the primary combatants of their session.

I also think she'll be one of the most analytical, scientifically-minded Players we've ever seen. Her adult self was experimenting with Ectobiology even outside of Sburb, which suggests to me an intense curiosity about how all this shit works, which isn't present in most of our other heroes. Like Rose, she'll be a researcher, and maybe even a Seer - but while Rose searched for the truth via magic and mysticism, Roxy's research will be entirely scientific.

Honestly, the most exciting thing about finally meeting Roxy is the milestone it'll represent. I'll finally, finally have encountered every character I knew about prior to starting the comic.

The Harleys

Grandma Jade was still the Witch of Space, and was clearly aware of that fact.

This tells us that:

John, Rose and Dave also retained their Titles, even if they don't know it.

Grandma Jade was probably aware of Sburb and its secrets, especially if she was living near the Frog Temple.

Grandma Jade was the Witch of Space. She's gone.

...and I have a theory about what happened to her.

I think that when Grandpa was a baby, Jade travelled to Anachronism Island, just like her predecessor did - but this time around, it wasn't Bec who greeted her at the Temple.

No, I think Jade had a fatal encounter with the new First Guardian of Earth - a corrupted First Guardian, spliced with the same HONK code that created Scratch. Kid Grandpa clearly survived whatever happened next, and I think it's horribly plausible that the new First Guardian is a pseudo-Guardian to him, the same way Becquerel was to Jade.

In other words, this kid might be completely compromised, manipulated by English's servant since infancy. Let's not forget that he's the one who suggested making the bunny to Jade, which is the reason Jack was able to ascend in the first place...

...but someone suggested it to him, first.

Anyway, those are my high-level thoughts about the new timeline's key players. We'll be starting Act 6 in an hour or so, and I've got a feeling that we're about to see Nanna standing in a very familiar room.

After all, it just so happens that today...

#homestuck liveblog #full liveblog #act 5.2 #asks #theories

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charmac · 2 days ago

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thoughts on charlie learning how to read?

As to the effect, I think we’ll have to wait to see what really comes of it, considering the very final joke of the episode is he thinks “guest” on the scoreboard says “ghost,” they definitely made a point to make it clear he’s not necessarily literate by any means beyond “enough to graduate kindergarten”

I do like what Justin and Patrick, the EPs for Abbott said about the longevity of that establishment:

In the end, it’s definitely what Sunny and Charlie Day decide to do with this canon. We know the Abbott ep was filmed before any of the episodes for Season 17 of Sunny, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility that they do stick with the idea that Charlie doesn’t struggle as much with reading and writing and maybe has a little kick in him to keep practicing.

Personally on the existence of the storyline now incorporated into Sunny canon, I think they did it in such a fantastic way it’s hard for me to argue anything against or say anything negative. I loved watching it. The thing I love about Abbott is the heart they have in the stories and how real a lot of what they address and tackle in childhood-into-adult development is, and you feel that here, for sure. And we’re watching Abbott, not Sunny, so it’s something removed from the purgatory of the bar.

For those of us that know and love Charlie, I think it’s hard to not feel soft toward this idea that (even if it doesn’t stick or it’s so so basic) there really truly are ways for the Gang to develop and improve on their faults/stubbornness to change, provided it’s treated the right way. And that can only be done (and maybe only continue) in a completely different environment, like Abbott.

The tragedy of Sunny and the Gang is that they’ll never treat each other in that way and therefore can rarely develop. It’s not that they don’t necessarily care, but that their communication methods are so crude and fulled by (often trauma-born) selfishness, they can never give each other the support needed to help improve each other. They make each other miserable in most cases, but they’re also content with that because they almost equally inflict what they take on....

Though Sunny isn't all complete misery, as we all know. They do love each other in fucked up ways and (maybe) almost wish they could help each other in certain respects. Mac's support and encouragement of Charlie being able to read is evident in many Sunny episodes, so it really warmed my heart that Charlie was so eager to show Mac how he had learned and could do a more difficult part of the book for him :) In my opinion, they kept it well aligned with Sunny canon. The Gang don't have the tools to teach Charlie to read, but they do all support and even partly enjoy him learning if they don't have to do it themselves.

I think what we see of Charlie in the Sunny episode will be interesting. Since he's the A plot in Abbott, I have to imagine he has a minor role in Sunny, but will certainly be present. If the idea here is that everyone other than Dennis is serving to distract the teachers, and Charlie only learned to read for the week and goes back to his baseline state of illiteracy, I think I would accept that too.

The lasting effect of the plot doesn't matter too much to me. I think instead the idea that, in the right environment, Charlie can learn to read (and even gets some sense of pride and excitement out of being able to read) but Paddy's and the Gang are really what hinder him from being able to do so (despite the Gang not necessarily against the idea, and considering the fact that Charlie contributes to and prefers the environment they've created) reinforces the Sunny that we hold dear.

#sorry if this reads like a jumble my brain is all over the place #i hope this makes sense #i will flesh this out further once we get the sunny half of the crossover #cos who knows what theyre gonna do there lol #but i do believe this was genuine for charlie #even if it was a distraction you can see he was proud :)#a gentle reminder that there are fractions of souls within those devils #charlie kelly #it's always sunny at abbott elementary #ask #charlie meta #17 spoilers #crossover spoilers

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perkypeony · 16 hours ago

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𝕋𝔸ℕ𝔾𝕃𝔼𝔻 𝕀ℕ 𝕋ℍℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻𝕊

Model Nanami Kento x fashion designer reader

You were flicking through the pages of your sketchbook, your head spinning as you tried to decide which design would be best for your new streetwear collection. You thought you’d ask your friend's opinion later, but for now, you were going to get ready and head to the newly opened branch of your daily wear boutique.

Despite studying fashion design during your time at the creative arts academy and being able to create meticulous designs, you opted to build your own brand of daily wear that’s stylish yet affordable. Your business started small, but with the support of your friends—who happened to be the famous actor Gojo Satoru and the rising singer Geto Suguru—more people came to know your brand. Just last week, you opened the third branch of your boutique, and you were already planning to open the fourth branch overseas in a few years.

You got out of your midnight black Mini Cooper and saw a long line outside the boutique. It was probably too crowded inside, so the staff had asked the customers to queue outside. You made a mental note to install some sort of shade so the customers wouldn’t have to wait in the sun. The staff recognized you immediately and greeted you, asking if there was anything they could help with. You told them you were just doing a little observation.

You smiled as you overheard a customer praising the high quality of the material despite the affordable price. As you walked around, talking with some customers for feedback, you spotted a blonde man wearing a black mask—one you’d recognize anywhere. It was the hot model, Nanami Kento. He became famous after modeling for big brands and even appeared on the front covers of internationally known magazines. And to add to that, he was your crush back in the creative arts academy and still is today. That’s why you would remember him forever.

You admired his calmness and respectfulness. He always maintained a very professional work ethic. Unfortunately, you and he had never been close, only talking a few times. The only person you still kept in touch with was Nanami’s best friend, Haibara. He tried to set you up with Nanami, but you were always too shy and quickly declined his crazy plans.

You were surprised to see him in your boutique. Did that mean he wore your creations? Not gonna lie, sometimes you imagined him modeling your designs, but you had never hired a famous model before. After all, you had two famous friends willing to post pictures of themselves wearing your brand on social media. Without those two idiots, you wouldn’t have been successful today.

You gathered all your courage to say hi to him, hoping he would remember you. “Hi, Nanami. Uh... what are you looking for?”

“A hoodie,” he replied, then looked up to meet your eyes. “Y/N? I never thought I’d meet the designer herself.”

So, he did remember you. You could feel your stomach do silly things. It was probably the butterflies. “I’m just doing a quick observation. Is this your first time at my boutique?”

“I’ve bought a few pairs of pants and shirts from your boutique before. I really like them. And since this new branch is closer to my condo, I thought I’d give it a visit.”

“Thanks for your support. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course,” he said with a warm smile. “We haven’t seen each other in quite a few years. Do you have any plans tonight? Maybe we could catch up over dinner?”

A dinner? With your crush? That surely sounded like a dream come true!

“I would love to go to dinner with you tonight,” you answered, trying not to sound too giddy.

“Perfect. Text me your address, and I’ll pick you up at 8.”

“Alright. I have to go check on the... um... cashier. See you tonight.”

Nanami nodded and smiled as he watched you leave. He couldn’t wait to tell Haibara that he had finally asked you out for dinner.

#jujutsu kaisen #nanami kento #nanami x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #kento nanami

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francesderwent · 2 days ago

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it’s interesting to me how close songs like “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” or “The Manuscript” get to a robust ethics of love versus use. beyond simply the assertion that leaving is a betrayal of love which ought to be forever, these songs contain a pretty strong rejection, specifically of sex where it did not belong and had no business appearing. she can say, not just you leaving was cowardly, you ruined something real, but I regret you all the time—I wouldn’t do it all over again, any of it. not just you hurt me within the bounds of our love story, but this wasn’t above board at all. it wasn’t love. you took advantage. another way to say this: “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” and “The Manuscript” recognize that sometimes sex is a sin. not leaving afterwards, but sex itself. for the first time, we’re presented with a love story that couldn’t have been saved by an eleventh hour confession of love, by “don’t go” or “I want you for worse or for better” or “the worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you”. the whole thing is rejected as poisoned.

but these songs can only make such a strong statement because there’s the age gap to point to. to the modern mind, it’s easier to recognize use when there’s a clear power imbalance, but I think we’re getting the causation wrong, or at least oversimplifying it. the reason there shouldn’t be sexual relationships between people of drastically different ages isn’t that older people and younger people exist as such in relationships of imbalanced power. a healthy relationship between a mentor and a mentee or a teacher and a student is about guidance and education and protection and respect. these things aren’t “good” exercises of power or restrained power, they are not exercises of power at all.

power enters into the equation when one party decides to use the other. this choice transforms every difference in the relationship into an inequality, every imbalance into a threat. this wasn’t always secretly there under the relationship, it’s a totally transformed new kind of relationship now that use has entered into it. the more differences and asymmetries there are to start with, the more dramatically unequal the new relationship is—not because the relationship was bad inevitably and to begin with! but because these relationships are more vulnerable and so bringing use into them is a greater corruption, which magnifies the damage that is always there. even a perfectly “equal” relationship becomes a power struggle when use enters into it.

but the further step which is invisible to modern eyes is that sex, outside of marriage, does this all on its own. somebody who sleeps with you without marrying you is using you, full stop. and as much as I think this revelation is between the lines of Tortured Poets (and I do think that, it’s in the parallels between the two men!), she can’t face it head-on. there is no she thought about how he said since they loved each other, everything had been above board…she wasn’t sure. because modernity is so convinced that that has to be above board. so the closest thing we get to a song that speaks to that creeping feeling that she was used again is the mashup of Sweet Nothing and Hoax, and her derisive conclusion: all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing.

#the older I get the less convinced I am by ethics that translate everything into terms of power #power is not the only force in the world! it is ONE kind!#and it is entirely possible to have relationships that are not tainted by it let alone defined by it!#love is a ruthless game UNLESS you play it good and right!!!#no more keeping score now I just keep you warm!!#no more tug of war now I just know there’s more!#the fears of the archer are UNTRUE not everything comes down to combat in the end!#there are QUALITATIVELY different relationships not just shades of gray #this is me admitting I need a music tag

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l-ii-zz · 2 days ago

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— ¿How the heck did Red and Zim start having their first feelings for each other? I'm intrigued.

I didn't want to answer your question earlier 'cause I was determined to write a whole bible about how RaZR works in my AU, but I was also hesitating because I always get embarrased whenever I talk about my otps in general.

I was also still discussing with myself if I should put this ship in the story or not, because I know about certain people not being confortable with ships in this AU and because I don't want my AU to be involved with people who just follows the story only 'cause their fav ship is there. I already had a bad experience with those kind of people with another fandom.

But at the same time; RaZR might not be a rare ship, but a quite underrated one that doesn't have a lot of content to dig in comparing it with other big ships that we already know. Also, when I said that I don't want shipping involved in my AU, I was specifically referring to ZaDR. Despite I like it, it is STUPIDLY overrated, to the point that it gets a little exhausting to see it everywhere in the fandom... So idk, RaZR wouldn't be much of a big trouble in my AU, and it's not like it's gonna be the main thing in the story.

BUT YEAH, About your question:

In my AU, Zim already had a crush on Red since they saw each other again by iniciating Elite training together. However, his feelings were mostly involved by this idealized image of Red being this "infallible", "exemplary", "perfect" soldier. You know: things that Zim wished to be. Thus becoming the reason why Zim always have seeked his approval.

On the other hand, Red was aware of this weird fixation Zim had on him, which was obviously very annoying. Despite this, Red never truly hated him; In fact, he always felt a little pity for the defective lil bug. Red also learned to deal with Zim's destructive shenanigans by taking advantage of that weakness he had over Red. However, this kind of manipulative dynamic made Red accidentally more tolerant and permissive with Zim, behavior that followed Red even after becoming a Tallest.

Then, AU shit happens. Zim has his own development arc with Dib on their adventures in space, but Red also has his own development arc with a number of situations; such as the coming of his adulthood, his responsibilities as a leader, memories of his abusive past becoming relevant in his life again, etc. Both Zim and Red don't see each other again until the events of Arc 4.

At this point, many years have passed and both have changed a lot. And the fact that Red and Purple have no power over Zim makes their dynamics change drastically.

The role reversal made it so that they could see each other as equals. Neither Zim nor Red are trying to like each other, so they both interact as how they truly are. Sure there is tension and hostility between them sometimes, but as they can act as themselves, they start to feel strangely comfortable with each other. And as suddenly as it starts, the curiosity to see how far one can go with the other causes the bickering and teasing to accidentally turn into a very strange and very Irken form of.... flirting??! The funny thing is that neither of them are aware of this until there is no turning back.

But there's something else that's even more relevant about Zim and Red's dynamic: There's a point in the plot where both of them are forced to show their most vulnerable side. With Zim, there's the whole trauma thing that he still carries around and that reaches a limit where he can no longer hide; on Red's part, due to a slip of his own, he was forced to tell Zim about the abusive past he had with Miyuki and how it has affected him in several aspects of his life, including his relationship with Purple. By uncovering their most vulnerable side, both of them maintain a silent truce that turns into mutual respect. Slowly and gradually, both of them start to feel comfortable to vent and share things that they haven't told to anyone, not even their loved ones (Purple and Dib respectively).

It's all a veeeery long process of understanding and trust that is slowly forming and needs some pushes to become stronger. It's very similar to what Zim and Dib had to do to form their friendship, except that Red and Zim feelings are growing beyond to just friendship.

However; even though it's clear that something is changing between these two, they both feel conflicted by these new feelings.

As for Red, he has never experienced romantic feelings before and doesn't know how to act in certain circumstances. This is all new to him and therefore he can't discern whether he is truly falling in love or if he is misinterpreting his feelings. Not to mention that these types of relationships are completely punished by the Irken Empire.

With Zim, he believed that he no longer had feelings for Red and that it would stay that way now that he discovered his true colors. Instead, Zim went from a childhood crush to being genuinely and hopelessly in love with him. However, he can't trust Red's intentions. In fact, he hates that despite all the awful things Red had done to him, he is still madly in love. Zim knows that Red had and will always have control over him, because deep down he has always wanted for Red to want him, and it seems like it will always be that way.

But, despite still being conflicted about his feelings, Red knows that he has stopped seeing Zim in the same way and that he even feels guilty about the things he has done, and he admits that he shouldn't reciprocate Zim's feelings, not because he doesn't want to, but because he knows he doesn't deserve it.

They go through a lot of tense moments and trust issues, but they will eventually talk it out and correspond each other. Not in a conventional way, though. They are still not sure about what they are or should be (although they are already doing what lovers do). Neither of them dares to make it completely official; because deep down they know that sooner or later the day will come when they will both have to go on separate ways, perhaps never to see each other again.

#ask #anon #about razr

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cosyvelvetorchid · 21 hours ago

Text

For One Night Only.. Maybe chapter 4 is up!

Read on Ao3 or below

Enjoy!

🩶

Rating: G (for this chapter)

W/C: 3,852

Summary:

It's New Years eve and after talking with Maddie and Eddie Buck realises his feelings.

**********

“Uncle Buck!” Jee yelled excitedly, hurtling towards Buck the second he walked through the door. He opened his arms wide for her to jump into and picked her up.

“My favourite girl! Did you have a good Christmas with Grandma and Grampa?” She gave a big nod in response. “Well that’s good to hear. Did Santa bring you lots of nice things?”

“A pony!”

“A pony?! I don’t think a point would fit in your room.”

“Not a real pony, silly.” She giggled. She wiggled in his arms to get down and he put her back on the ground. She immediately ran towards her room.

“Welcome back.” He greeted Maddie with a hug.

“Thanks. Coffee?”

“Uh, sure.” He followed her into the kitchen. “So, come on, tell me the truth now that they can’t hear you on the phone—how was it?”

“Surprisingly, calm.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh. I mean they of course criticised Jee’s bedtime, what we fed her for breakfast, oh and my choice of Christmas sweater-“ she rolled her eyes. “But, all in all they were actually pretty well behaved.”

“Did they, uh.. did they say anything about me?” He asked, expecting to hear the usual criticism.

“Actually mom said she misses you.” Buck raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I know it surprised me too.”

“She misses me.” He said not quite believing it.

“Yep.”

“Wow.” They looked at each both laughed at the absurdity of their mother actually admitting how she felt.

“How were they with Chim?”

“Dad actually started calling him Chimney, if you can believe that.”

“You’re kidding?”

“Nope.” Maddie shook her head “When they talked about you they called you Buck, too.”

“Took them long enough.” He scoffed.

“I missed you there.” She said after a moment.

“I know.” He looked at her. “I-I know they’re getting better and I’m glad, but.. I’m not ready to act all happy families with them yet.”

“I understand.” She smiled. “How was Christmas at Tommy’s? I’m surprised you didn’t spend it with Bobby and Athena to be honest.”

“I was going to but Tommy was going to be alone most of the day. I get the feeling he doesn’t have anybody other than his aunt.”

“Has he not mentioned any friends?”

Buck shook his head. “Not really. He talks about the people he works with, and he likes them, but they’re not close—not like the 118 are anyway.”

“You’re always trying to save people.” She said. She wasn’t being accusatory, just stating a fact.

“He doesn’t need saving, Maddie—I just hated the idea of him being on his own for Christmas. It’s the time you’re supposed to spend with people you care about.” He explained. “But it was nice. I cooked us dinner and we spent the day watching movies. Pretty chill.”

Buck had kept his word and cooked them both a roast turkey with all the trimmings. Tommy had stubbornly refused to let him do all of the work so Buck had delegated the vegetable preparation to him.

They’d stood side by side in Tommy’s kitchen in their respective aprons, singing along to Christmas music as they worked. Buck was surprised to find out that Tommy had a beautiful singing voice and had tried to convince him to come along to one of Chim’s karaoke nights. Tommy steadfastly refused but Buck hadn’t given up and was determined to convince him eventually.

Tommy was the most relaxed Buck had seen him since they’d met. They’d laughed and joked, ate good food and drank good wine, and by the time Clara had arrived in the early evening they were a little tipsy.

But they were aware enough to switch into boyfriend mode as soon as she walked in the door.

Tommy moved from his previous position at the end of the sofa to the middle so he was closer to Buck. Their legs were against each others and Tommys arm was along the back of the sofa behind Bucks head.

Every so often his arm would slip down across Bucks shoulder and each time Buck relaxed into him. Slowly bucks eyes got heavier and he fell asleep with his head on Tommys shoulder.

Tommy gently woke him up some time later and ushered him upstairs to his bedroom.

“You don’t have to stay here.” He’d said. “But with my aunt in the guest room, you’d either have to go home or sleep on the sofa.”

“That might look suspicious.” Buck had said.

Tommy then changed in to pyjama pants and a T-shirt and Buck had opted to stay in the sweats he was wearing and they got into his bed. Buck laid on his back and Tommy on his side facing away from Buck.

It was silent for a while until Tommy spoke. He reached behind himself until he found Bucks hand and held it gently.

“Thank you, Evan.” He had whispered in the dark; his voice thick with sleepiness.

“For what?”

“Best Christmas I’ve ever had.” He lightly squeezed Bucks hand before sleep quickly took over his consciousness and his hand loosened but didn’t fall out of Bucks.

Buck had laid still; his hand still holding Tommy’s, listening to his soft breathing. It was pitch dark in the room so Buck hadn’t been able to see what Tommy looked like in his sleeping state but he couldn’t help picturing his face soft and relaxed. He sighed deeply trying to calm the flutter in his stomach at the image.

He thought about why this could be Tommys best Christmas. All they did was eat and drink and hang out—it wasn’t exactly a raging party. He thought about his own sad Christmas’s as a child and wondered if Tommy had experienced something similar. He knew that Tommy had loved with Clara for a while and that his dad was homophobic, but beyond that Buck knew nothing about Tommy’s childhood.

Eventually he had drifted off into sleep still holding Tommys hand.

“Uncle Buck, look!”

Buck turned to see Jee dragging a giant stuffed pink pony, bigger than herself, across the floor.

“Woah!” He cried out. “Santa really did he you a pony, huh?”

“You should have seen Chim carrying that through the airport.” Maddie laughed.

“It’s probably bigger than him!” Buck joked.

“Hey.” Maddie lightly chastised with a soft whack to his arm.

Buck sat down on the floor and laid against the giant pink fluffy horse. Jee immediately jumped on top of him causing to let out an “oomf!”. She giggled as he bounced her up and down on his legs.

“Stop me if I’m being too intrusive but-“

“Since when has stopping you ever actually stopped you?” Buck said back to her.

Maddie ignored his response. “Have you met someone?”

Buck stilled from bouncing Jee. “What? No. What- w-why would you ask that?”

“Just.. I don’t know, these last couple of months you’ve been- you’ve seemed more.. at ease. Little bit more settled, maybe.”

She wasn’t wrong. He had been feeling like his life was becoming some more of what he wanted it to be. He loved his job—even on the bad days, he had his 118 family, Maddie and his niece whom he adored. His culinary skills had never been better thanks to Bobby and now he had Tommy in his life.

This amazing firefighter pilot that he still couldn’t believe was his friend.

Being around Tommy was easy. He never felt like he was in the way when he was around him; that his presence was wanted. They shared the same witty banter and playful insults, could read each others body language and when they had to pretend to be dating, they fell into it with such ease that there were moments when Buck had to remind himself that Tommy wasn’t actually his boyfriend.

Buck loved Eddie. He loved Bobby and Hen and Chim and Karen and Athena. And they loved him, he knew that, he felt that. But they all had the tendency sometimes to treat him like a child. Or an over excited Labrador that needed a whack on the nose occasionally.

Tommy never did that. Tommy let him be Evan. Tommy gave him a space to show every part of himself without fear of judgment or condescension. He accepted Evan flaws and all.

For the first time in his life Buck was beginning to feel like Evan was enough.

“I guess I am.”

“What’s changed?” She asked.

“I’ve just been feeling more myself self lately.”

“Does this have anything to do with Tommy?” She had a knowing look that Buck wasn’t sure was about.

“Uh, yeah. Kind of. We-we’ve become really good friends. I feel like.. like he really sees me, ya know?”

Maddie looked at him for a beat and tilted her head. “Is that all?”

“Wha-what else is there?” He asked.

“I just- Look, you know I love you, right?”

“Yeah. I love you too, Maddie. And I love you the most!” He tickled Jee still sat in his lap on the floor.

“And you know that no matter what I will always love you. And always accept you. Whoever you are.” She raised her eyebrows as though they somehow sent a message that Buck wasn’t getting.

“Thank you..?” He said confused.

“I’m just saying that you will always be my brother and however you feel about.. certain things.. I will always support you. No matter what. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Are you talking about Tommy and I?” He asked and she nodded. “We’re just friends.” He told her.

“Right, but if you were more than that, that would okay.”

“A-actually there’s.. there’s something I should tell you.”

“Oh really?” She said, smiling.

“It’s not what you think.” He said. “Okay, it’s kind of what you think but not-“ He stopped himself and took a breath. “He and are in a kind of fake relationship.”

“Fake?”

“We’re pretending to be in one so his aunt stops trying to set him up with men.” He explained.

“Buck.” She said in that admonishing tone.

“It’s fine, okay. I don’t mind. And-and Clara is actually really cool for an old lady.”

“So, you’re pretending to be together?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. How does that work? What do you.. do?” She raised a curious eyebrow.

“Nothing like that.” He waved his hand. “We just- we act like we normally do as friends, but also hold hands sometimes, put an arm around each other, sometimes kiss each other-“ Maddie's eyes opened wider “on the cheek.”

“Right.” She said looking skeptical. “Well, whatever he is to you, you do seem happier.” She smiled softly.

“I am.”

*****

Somehow the 118 A shift had managed to also New Year’s Eve off this year and Bobby and Athena were going to hosting a party for everyone. Eddie and was flying back to attend and Tommy and Buck were driving to pick them up.

“What’s your New Year’s resolution?” Buck asked as they drove along the freeway.

“Do I look like the kind of guy that makes New Year’s resolutions?”

“No, but you don’t look like a guy who has the voice of an angel either.”

Tommy scoffed. “Evan, I am not doing karaoke no matter how much you bug me about it.”

“I didn’t say anything!” He protested.

“Uh-huh.”

Buck laughed. “Seriously, you don’t believe in resolutions?”

“I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you do?”

“I mean.. yeah. I feel like the new year is like a fresh start, ya know? A chance to look at where your life is and who you are and maybe chance some things.”

“You don’t need a new year to do that—you can change any time you want.” Tommy countered.

“I guess. But there’s something about a brand new year that feels good. It’s stupid I know.”

“Hey, it’s not stupid. If it’s something you like to do then that’s okay. Just because it’s not my thing doesn’t mean it can’t be yours. Tell me—what are your New Year’s resolutions?”

Buck turned in the passenger seat to face Tommy a little. “I definitely want to be more disciplined in the gym.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s hard not to want to be when one of your best friends is built like a tank.” He reached out and gently squeezed Tommys upper arm.

Did Tommy hear that right? Evan just referred to him as one of his best friends?

“Best friend?” He questioned.

“Well, yeah.” He said earnestly.

Tommy felt mixed emotions at that. A part of him felt privileged that someone like Evan would see him that way. Truthfully—and perhaps pathetically—he’d never had a best friend before. It was entirely his own doing—he’d never let anybody get close enough to him to build that kind of bond with someone. But Evan was just so easy to know it was no wonder he burrowed himself into Tommys life so easily.

But, there was a large part of him that felt disappointed. And sad. He knew that Evan was straight, but that didn’t stop Tommy from developing.. something towards him. But despite knowing Buck was straight there was that little delusional side of his brain that hoped that maybe he wasn’t entirely.

It didn’t help that on numerous occasions he’d wondered if Evan was flirting with him. The way he looked at Tommy or playfully insulted him had him thinking that, although it was an incredibly small chance, maybe it meant something.

But hearing Evan referring to him as a best friend put an end to those hopes. It wasn't like Evan was a consolation prize--he was a wonderful man to know. But it still stung to have it confirmed that he saw Tommy as nothing more than a friend.

“Good.” He said smiling at his passenger. There was no doubt his hopes had been dashed, but he really was still grateful to have met Evan and have him in his life.

Buck regretted calling Tommy one of his best friends as soon as the words came from his mouth. He wasn’t lying—he really did see Tommy as one of his best friends. But what he felt for Tommy was more than that.

When they weren’t together he thought him constantly; always wondering what he was doing and counting down the hours or days until they saw each other next. He’d turn his head on the street when somebody walked past wearing the same cologne. Every time his phone would ping his heart would light up hoping it was a text from him.

And there had been numerous times when they were alone he’d honestly thought Tommy was flirting with him. And every time he’d feel his stomach flutter and his skin flush with heat. As much as their romantic relationship was fake, he couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like if it were real.

But Tommy seemed happy with the best friend designation, and Bucks hope of Tommy liking him were slashed.

“Welcome back.” Buck greeted Eddie with a hug.

“I didn’t realise you were bringing your boyfriend.” Eddie said hugging Tommy.

“You told him?” Tommy asked Buck, surprised.

“I had to! If Clara came over and saw the two of you rolling around in your garage she might say something about me.”

“There’s no rolling, Evan—it’s called sparing.”

“Thank you!” Eddie added.

Buck rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“If you want I can spar with you sometime. I might even go easy on you.” Tommy said playfully nudging Buck with his elbow.

“Hey, I don’t need you to go easy on me!” Buck protested. “I reckon I could take you.”

“Oh really?”

“Is this what you guys are like around Clara?” Eddie asked.

“What are you talking about?” Asked Buck.

Eddie looked at them for a second before shaking his head. “Nothing. What time is Bobbys party?”

“Uh, 8 o’clock.”

“Do we have to bring anything?” Eddie asked.

“I’m bringing some beer.” Tommy answered.

“And I’ve made a large batch of brownies.” Added Buck.

“Are they the chocolate fudge ones?” Tommy asked.

Buck nodded. “Yup.”

“Remind me to hide a couple of those before everybody eats them.”

“No need—there’s an extra batch in my fridge for you.”

Tommy smiled warmly at the thoughtful gesture as Bucks phone pinged in his pocket.

“It’s Bobby—he wants us to pick up a few things for him for the party.”

“Alright. We can stop on the way back to Eddie’s.” Tommy suggested.

The three of them walked into the grocery store and Tommy went off to pick up the wine he said he’d bring leaving Eddie and Buck to get the things Bobby needed.

“So.” Eddie began as they walked along the meet aisle. “You and Tommy.”

“What about us?” Eddie simply raised his eyebrows at him. “What?” Buck repeated.

“You said this relationship you were in was fake.”

“It is.”

“And the flirting?”

“What flirting?” Buck asked throwing a few packs of pork chops into the basket.

“At the airport.” Eddie reminded him.

“What? That-that wasn’t flirting.”

“Buck. I’ve seen you flirt. On the job and off—that was textbook flirtatious Buck.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Shut up. It was not.”

It wasn’t intended to be at least. Was it possible to flirt without realising it? Historically, Buck was great at flirting. He knew how to use his words, his tone, his body language—every move he made was intentional. But that was with women.

He’d never actively flirted with a man before. He liked Tommy, there was no doubt about that anymore, but Tommy thought of him a friend only. So why would Buck flirt with him?

Eddie knew what Buck looked like when he was having an internal debate and threw him a lifeline.

“If you say you’re not flirting then you’re not flirting. But for the record, it wouldn’t change a thing between us.” He placed a hand on Bucks shoulder. “Okay?”

Buck wasn’t ready to talk about his confusing, and clearly unreciprocated feelings yet, but he appreciated Eddie’s sentiment.

“Thanks.”

“You guys got what you need?” Tommy came up from behind lugging a basket full of wine bottles.

“Uh, yeah.” Buck replied. “We got everything.”

*****

By 10pm the party was in good spirits. Music was playing—at “an acceptable volume so people can have an actual conversation” as per Athena’s instruction, the dining table, formally covered in food, was half empty and everyone was dotted around the house in various conversations.

Hen and Karen were in the kitchen with Athena, Chim and Tommy were reminiscing with Bobby about the 118, and Maddie and Eddie were playfully arguing over what music to play.

Buck was leaning against the fireplace wall watching Tommy. He couldn’t help it. The way his mouth moved when he spoke, the little twitches in his eyebrows when reacting to something Bobby was saying and those beautiful creases around his eyes when he smiled.

He was mesmerising.

“Earth to Buck.” Eddie snapped his fingers in front of Bucks face.

Buck shoved Eddie’s hand away. “What?”

“Alright.” Eddie said. “Come with me.”

“Where?

“Outside. Come on.”

Buck glanced over at Tommy again who caught his eye and smiled before focusing back on what Chim was talking about. Eddie slid the glass door open and closed it again behind them.

“What’s going on?” Buck asked.

“You and Tommy.”

“We’ve had this conversation, Eddie.” Buck moved to open the door again by Eddie stepped in front of him.

“And this time you’re going to tell me the truth.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Buck, I can practically see the hearts floating around your head like a damn cartoon every time you look at the guy.”

“I-“ Buck wanted to argue back that Eddie was wrong but what was the point? He gave in with a sigh, walking over to one of the day beds and sitting down. Eddie followed suit and sat across from him.

“It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“Why?”

“Because he.. Were friends. He’s made it clear that’s all he sees me as.” He admitted.

“But you want more?”

“I dunno, I- We’re.. Yeah. I do.” He sipped from his beer bottle and picked at something imaginary on his jeans.

He looked at Tommy through the window and sighed. He was grateful to be friends with him and if that’s all he could have of him, he’d gladly take it. But he couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t sad that that’s all he could have of him.

“I gotta say I didn’t think that this is where your interest would lie.” Eddie said.

“What, Tommy?”

“No, I mean guys in general.” He clarified.

“I didn’t either. I love women—I’ve always loved women.”

“How long have you been leaning in the other direction?”

“I haven’t. N-not specifically.” He said. “I mean, sure I’ll check out a hot guys ass but that’s normal.”

Eddie gave him a weird look before it shifted into recognition. “Oh my god!”

“What?”

“When we were in Texas helping out the 126. There was something about the way you were talking to that guy. What was his name. Uh…”

“TK?”

“TK. Yes. The way you were talking to him. Looking back now you were totally flirting with him.”

“I was not!” Buck protested. “And didn’t you say earlier that you know when I’m flirting?”

“Yeah, now—I didn’t know then as well as I do now. Now I can spot it a mile away.” He sipped his beer. “Trust me—you were flirting.”

Looking back, Buck did think that TK was good looking. He was exceedingly competent at his job and competency was always something that he found attractive in the women he liked. Between his skills as a firefighter, the love his team had for him and the fact that he was willing to fly into a forest fire to save somebody he loved, Buck had thought that he was jealous of TK. Maybe it was actually a crush.

“I'm curious--what is it about Tommy?” Eddie asked.

Buck again looked towards Tommy then back at Eddie. “He’s just so cool, and-and confident. He has a cleft.” He couldn’t help the corner of his mouth rising. “He’s calm to be around and when he makes fun of me it doesn’t make me feel bad. I feel good when I’m around him.”

“But he doesn’t feel the same about you?” Eddie questioned.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so? Has he actually said he only thinks of you as a friend?”

“I mean.. not technically, but-“

“Have you asked him?” Eddie interrupted.

“No. And I’m not going to, before you ask.”

“Why not?”

“Because the chances of him liking me are slim and-and I’m not going to humiliate myself and ruin our friendship in the process.” He shook his head. “No. Trust me, it’s better that things stay as they are between us. As friends.”

“Look, Buck, I think that you-“

The glass door slid open and Tommy stood with his phone in his hand and a pained expression on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Buck immediately stood up.

“That was the hospital. It’s Clara.”

“What happened? Is she okay?”

“She.. she had a heart attack.”

**********

#911 abc #911 #911onabc #tommy kinard #bucktommy #911 buck #evan buckley #buck x tommy #evan buck buckely #bucktommy fic #bucktommyfic #tevan #tevan fic #bucktommy au #bucktommy alternate meet #cvo writes

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whispersoflullaby · 2 days ago

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"Breaking" the gendering of media: A case study on Shiguang

A question kept coming back to my mind again and again, that why do we tend to criminalize whenever we see a media which was "canonically" (the term canon icks me to the core) built to portray a broader political or social issue being used to deconstruct personal emotions? For example, a song used to portray the pain and horrors of partition being used to reconstruct the grief of personal loss and also about loss of identity. As if talking about personal loss is making a topic less serious or not respecting the depth of a subject. As if it is the continuation of the gendering the places being implicted upon media. The "oikos" (the personal space) , the "non serious" personal emotions are not meant to be dragged into the "polis" (the public sphere). When we take the journey from the home to the world, our personal journey becomes a palimpsest of many others which give us a feeling of community. When we get the feeling that our dilema is not only ours but a shared feeling of many, we tend to raise questions and break the boundary of the "home and the world", it tend to give us a vocabulary to curate.

Link Click as a series breaks this notion of differentiating between the the struggles. The suffering of the world is mine as well as my sufferings are also a matter to discuss, to analyze and to deconstruct, it's of everyone. For example the the incidents of sudent suicide due to excessive educational loan or even if it is about trying to save one's mother or about spreading the word of love, even if it is about the very domestic banters of Shiguang or it is about taking a step further to help Xu Shanshan and not taking money from her and just mere "helping" her to unite with her beloved .

As a very close friend of mine once mentioned " Shiguang through their love creates a brand new "vocabulary" of love" (if they gives me permission I will definitely tag them), the vocabulary enables them to question the normativity. And questioning the normativity makes you a threat to the authority - cause when you ask the right question at the right time , it makes your identity identifiable and then the authority can't treat you like a mass, a mass to be dismissed, to be discarded. I can't control my urge to quote Derek Walcott's "The Schooner's Flight" here- "I am either nobody or I am the nation" .According to me, probably this is how censorship also works - they fear the creation of the new vocab. The love which revolts but don't conform: a love which doesn't leave , but questions the normativitives. We try our best within our capacity - but what love does it doesn't know the capacity. ( They just don't know, how much love is too much love). That's what is so unique about the love of Shiguang. Here I am gonna quote TGCF " Your Highness..do you know why I refuse to leave this world?... because I still have a beloved in this world." - বিনা যুদ্ধে নাহি দিবো সূচাগ্র মেদিনী - ( I will not leave even a pinch of soil, without a fight). The guts to challange the person in control even though one is not sure about the price he has to pay, even self anhilating from each and every freaking time is probably a better option. You are not someone I choose over everything, you are the one who is inseperable from the concept of "being" of mine- you are the "I" of my eye.

The abilites here not only stand for the ability to change, but taking away the ability also stands for usurping one's ability to try, the silencing of emotions. Once your voice is strangulated you are creating a "destiny" for the opressed it is no longer their fate. Here I am gonna refer to a Bengali song "মোদের কোনো দেশ নেই,মোদের কোনো ভাষা নেই" (We don't have any country, we don't have any language)

youtube

But do you know where link click breaks the very gendering? When it identifies the silencing, the numbing. Many media portrays the consequences of the silencing, how the torture affects the people etc etc. But Link Click does is, it identifies where the mess ups are and it doesn't promise that "everything will be ok" and life will be "a bed of roses". No, it never will be- that's not what post modernism teaches us. Rather, Link Click teaches it may not be a smooth walk but still we will take the path as there is no "correct" path. As the author of the Ronxi chronicle mentions - it may not be the easiest path but you will never regret it. The concept of "correctness" is a construt, the "originality" is a mere myth and "TIME"!! … As we all know " Time is a hypocritical construct"...

#guangshi #link click #lu guang #cheng xiaoshi #shiguang daili ren #shiguang #shíguāng dàilǐrén #donghua #时光代理人 #time agents #queer love #queer joy #Youtube #shi guang dai li ren #guang guang #sdglr

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theblackfemininesociety · 1 day ago

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It’s a NEW YEAR besties,

We know you ladies are booked and busy with New Year resolutions, goals and plans to prosper (or we hope you are!) we just want to step in and remind you that BALANCE is the key to avoiding burnout and remain in your feminine energy.

Tip #1: Quiet Time With God

We will always encourage you to stay close to God and build a relationship with Him. Seek and you will find! Go to that quiet place and dwell in the Spirit of the Lord and the Word. The Bible teaches so much about life and even femininity! Here at BFS we know Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. We will do a deep dive on femininity and the Bible soon! So stay tuned for more!

Tip #2: Plan It Out!

January is the perfect time to start using a planner! We need you to become the kind of woman that is always taking a moment to write down and plan out her days, weeks and even hours to stay focused, productive and balanced !

Utilizing a planner not only keeps you organized but also establishes a routine that transforms you into the woman you've always envisioned. By planning, you can schedule meaningful moments of self-care, ensuring you prioritize your well-being and happiness.

Tip #3: Self-Care Days Are Mandatory!

This is a rule we hold all of the sisters of BFS to! You MUST have self-care days where you love on yourself and get away from life for a moment, a day, or even a weekend. This is key to remaining a soft woman in tune with her femininity as you balance life!

Prioritize your self-care in whatever way feels right for you, ignoring the consumer-driven videos on TikTok promoting an ideal skincare routine. Self-care days are unique to each woman. Concentrate on practices and rituals that acquire reflection, alleviate stress and anxiety, and promote relaxation ! This is a crucial part of you remaining in your feminine energy while balancing life.

You need some self lovin ME TIME! this non negotiable and make sure you romanticize this time. Spice it up a little, try a new recipe or plan a certain genre of music, put on some nice pj’s or even buy flowers.

Tip #4: Set Boundaries!

Assess Your Priorities! Regularly evaluate what’s important to you and learn to say NO to commitments that drain your energy or don’t align with your values.

Practice how to Communicate Clearly — Be honest with others about your needs. Clear communication encourages others to have respect for your boundaries. If they cannot do so, then you know they do not deserve to be in your life!

Tip #5: Seek Supportive Relationships (Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help)

Build Your Girl Gang — Surround yourself with friends who empower and support you. Engage in deep conversations and share experiences that nurture your spirit. We are so passionate to give Black Women a safe space so much so that we created “The Ladies Room” a Groupchat of like minded woman, ready to support, encourage and hold each other accountable! Click Here to Join

Tip #6: Balance Masculine and Feminine Energies

Take a moment to appreciate the good things in both sides of your personality. It’s important to be assertive when you need to, but don’t forget to be open and nurturing too. Know when to trust your gut and embrace your intuition, and when it’s time to take charge and be assertive. Finding this balance can really improve how you handle things overall!

Tip #7: Celebrate Your Femininity

Start by dressing for yourself! Wear clothes that make you feel beautiful, confident, and feminine, regardless of the occasion. Then, engage in Feminine Hobbies, explore activities traditionally associated with femininity, such as baking, sewing, or floral arranging, that resonate with you. This helps with not only tapping into your femininity but also giving you tools and outlets needed when you feel like life is too overwhelming!

Were basically besties now!

#2025 #black women in femininity #feminine energy #femininity #black femininity #soft black women

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cosmerelists · 1 day ago

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Did I Achieve my Earnest Hopes & Dreams for Wind and Truth?

The night before Wind and Truth came out, I wrote up a list of things I was hoping to have happen (or not happen) in that book. Now that it's a month later and I've finished it, how much of what I wanted did I get?

[Obviously, big big spoilers for Wind & Truth!]

Kaladin lives. WELL... He is...alive. Immortal, really. But all of his friends think he's dead, since he left his body behind when he became a Herald. He did not get to meet with up Adolin & Shallan for drinks like he promised. That's more what I was hoping for...but I'll take this. He IS alive.

Kaladin lives and is happy. WELL... I actually think he's...somewhat happy? He swore the Fifth Ideal. He's with Syl. He's in a Tranquil Mind Palace giving therapy to the Heralds. It does seem like it might get a bit...lonely? But it did not end with him broken or anything like that, so again...I'll take this. He's not unhappy.

There's a really cool Kaladin fight. Maybe two. Honestly, I think we had a sad lack of cool Kaladin fights. I understand that this book was all about Kaladin figuring out who he is without the spear, and I respect that...but I did miss there being some kind of Grand Kaladin Entrance After Which He Kicks Serious Butt. The only fight we got was him vs. Nale, which was...okay, but was solved ultimately via Flute and Therapy and not Cool Fighting Moves. I'm a somewhat simple soul. I missed having Cool Fighting Moves.

Kaladin & Szeth have to fight someone together. Not really. :( Not in the "back-to-back facing off against a hundred foes" that I was picturing, at least.

Leshwi has a significant role. Leshwi was there, but mostly walking and complaining about having to walk now. Again, I was hoping for more Cool Fighting Leshwi, which we didn't get, but I did like that we at least got some scenes with her.

There's a really cool Leshwi fight. Sadly, not so much. Her small amount of fighting was off-screen.

Adolin is NOT Odium's champion. He sure wasn't!

Adolin lives. He did! I think the Adolin story was one of my favorites, to be honest. Him becoming Unoathed was so cool.

Shallan lives (I'm not super worried about her for whatever reason but I couldn't just include two of the three, you know?) She did! ...Although trapped in Shadesmar but NOT able to world jump, which feels like the worst of both worlds. As soon as she got trapped I was like "Hell yeah Shallan worldhopper," but it doesn't seem like it's going that way, unfortunately.

Rlain & Renarin romance. Hell yeah! The Rlain & Renarin romance throughout this was super cute.

Rlain & Renarin romance that isn't like tragic or awkward or anything. I request warm & fuzzy plz. Yes! I like that it wasn't super angsty or anything. They both realized that they liked each other pretty quickly and then just kept making eyes at each other.

Shallan & Thaidakar meet. Well, they TALKED, so I'll take that!

MeLaan cameo. Well, as @archmage236 pointed out at the time, this was impossible since Mistborn Era 2 is after Stormlight. And there were no time travel shenanigans either. We DID get a kandra...but it was Ulaam, and not a cool kandra spy reveal.

...I notice the MeLaan cameo. I didn't but I'm pretty sure it's not my bad this time.

Rock returns or at least is in the book somehow. There was NO Rock! I was genuinely sad about that.

Kaladin hits his head on a doorframe in Shinovar. But not as sad as I was about Kaladin not bonking his head on ANYTHING. A tragic missed opportunity.

Navani invents something cool. You know...I don't think she did, unless you count the weird cocoon thing at the end. But she did figure out how to navigate through the Spiritual Realm, which was a cool Navani Science Moment so I'm counting it.

Navani thinks about Raboniel. I think maybe briefly?

We get the third Bondsmith. We did not! And now that Honor is (actually) dead, I feel like we won't? That's too bad, honestly.

The third Bondsmith isn't human. I suppose technically I got my wish here, yeah.

We find out that there are more than five Radiant oaths (pet theory that I want to be right about) Well I'm not right YET, but...come on! Honor even said he hates the number 5! How could that be the number of oaths?? It just doesn't make sense. It would be like there only being 11 metals or something.

Hemalurgy gets used.....I know that would be bad but I think it would be interesting. Hell yeah. It didn't have a huge role but I was actually delighted that Moash got Marshed.

Hemalurgy doesn't get used on anyone I care about!! I mean...I do care about Moash but I think he was a good choice for this. Future Herald Kaladin vs. Hemalurgic Moash battle, one assumes?

Shallan doesn't incorporate Radiant. :(

Maya cure. Yeah, like I said, I thought Adolin's arc--and by extension, Maya and the other Deadeyes' arc--was great! Maya was so butch and I love what she created with Adolin.

The theory that Shallan's mother was a Herald is confirmed. I think it's a cool theory. Oh wow was it ever! The chills I got when Shallan said, "She was at my wedding."

Bondsmith powers used for a fight. I think it would be cool. Sadly, no. We never really did get to see how they'd be used in combat.

Satisfying Sanderlanche. I don't think it was the Greatest Sanderlanche of All Time or anything, but I was fully captivated (and yes, the biggest downside for me was that it was more Emotions and Philosophy than Cool Fights with Swords. I'm a simple woman).

Kaladin meets a sheep. Or a dog. Or BOTH. I CAN'T BELIEVE SANDERSON CANONIZED NO DOGS AT ALL. Tragic. A true blow. And Kaladin only saw sheep from a distance.

I don't cry too hard... I actually did not. I teared up at actually two parts: when Maya came with all of the Deadeyes and when Kaladin decided to take Szeth's place as the Herald. (But honestly, I don't cry at books very often, so maybe that's on me.)

#wat spoilers #wat #wind and truth #stormlight archive #cosmere #cosmerelists

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vhygoxo · 2 days ago

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Twilight New Age

After inheriting her grandparents house in the Quileute reservation, La Push, Y/N moves to her home rez. Hoping to start a new life she is soon involved with what she thought were just old legends.

Paul Lahote x Reader

Romance | Fantasy | Drama | Angst

CHAPTER 3

<<CHP 2

The music was playing loud with the help of Embry’s subwoofer. Everyone was feeling the drinks as the group talked over one another. Only the older members sat around the bonfire. Consisting of Y/n, Quil, Kim, Emily, Leah, Sam, Embry, and Jared.

Leah and Embry sat beside y/n on either sides. Emily and Kim eventually found their way to their respective partners. Kim and Jared sat next to each other basically fondling one another. Emily and Sam were too absorbed with one another to even join the group conversation.

Almost an hour and a half had passed since Paul had left. Y/n still sat with her heart racing out of her chest as she barely finishing her first drink. Still nursing what was left in the can. Wondering anxiously when Paul would get back. Feelings in turmoil as she switched from feeling desperate to frustration at herself.

The three outside of y/n seemed to take no notice or care about the couples. It seemed that it was just something normal for the others. Y/n faded in and out of the conversation, thinking of him, then snapping into reality. She wondered if he’d even come back.

She was getting along with Leah, there were some qualities they shared, even some interests. Y/n was relieved to know she wasn’t as scary as she thought. She was one of the most welcoming and generous people out of the group aside Emily.

“So your grandma said you’re living all alone down at her old place?”

“Yeah just me out there at the moment”

“Seems a lot of work for one person. How are you handling it all?” Leah asked with serious concern. Y/n nervously laughed “I’m handling it so far yeah. It’s true it’s a lot of work for me but not much besides the house I have to look after. I’ll worry about the yard once the snow is fully melted.“

“Well if you ever need any help I live nearby your place. I’ll give you my number in case of anything. Or if you just want to hang. I’m sure you can handle but it’s still scary for a single girl to live alone there. It’s a pretty isolated area”

“Really? I appreciate that it’ll help. I’ve been worried about the recent wolf sightings in my area. Least I know you’re around”

Leah fell silent after they exchanged numbers. Embry she enjoyed as well but y/n found it hard to befriend men most of the time. It never lasted long with her guy friends in the past. Besides she wasn’t sure if she was wanting to just befriend him.

Other times she’d be really enjoying herself. But after feeling that intense connection earlier from Paul she wasn’t sure about much now. It didn’t help the fact that Embry and Leah kept bickering with one another quite loudly.

“So how are we feeling tonight y/n?” Embry asked catching her attention. He wore a soft smile on his face. “Great. How’s your night so far?” She asked earnestly with a smile as he leaned in closer. Her cheeks flushing at how close they were at the moment.

“Same here. You’re not much of a drinker are you” He asked looking down at her empty can. She shrugged her shoulders “Usually” she said as he scoffed. “Usually? Why not tonight? I thought you were having a great night” he asked with a worried look.

“I mean I am but—“ y/n trailed off nervously. Embry shook his head slightly. “But?” Gazing into his eyes he gave off a unique Intense energy. An unsuspecting darkness was hidden inside him. He must’ve noticed from Leah and y/n’s reaction how he was behaving. Leaning back slightly away from her as Leah got up to leave.

“I just…” Y/n trailed off trying to figure what to say. Explain that she somehow missed Paul even though they literally just met? She wasn’t sure If one could even call that an introduction.

“Look, I get that you’re not used to being around people like us. We can come off how do I put it. A bit scary? Intense? I dunno but personally I hope you have a good time here with all of us. In the meantime can I get you a new drink?” He offered which made y/n smile.

“Sure, thank you” she answered as Embry stood up. But before he could leave she pulled onto the edge of his sleeve. “I just wanna say I am having fun. I don’t wanna give off the impression I’m not. It’s just that I didn’t realize how tired I am y’know? But I’m sure a drink will help with that”

He smiled slightly at her nodding in acknowledgment. Leaving to get a drink out of the cooler for her y/n sat in thought. Her heart beat was still pounding loudly. The lingering energy settled over her and her heart.

It wasn’t as if she thought everyone was scary. They seemed interesting in a way she couldn’t describe. A certain mystery that she wanted to unravel about all of them. They seemed so close and familiar. It made the feeling of being a new person all the more obvious.

The evening was great so far, but with how much time had passed, she wondered if Paul would return. Would she even cross paths with Paul again? She wanted to rid herself of this inner conflict she was going through already.

Maybe then she could actually focus on her surroundings. She kept getting flashbacks to her dreams. Running in the woods wildly, the light of the moon, with the sounds of howls echoing the valleys. Chills ran down her back all the way across her spine.

Embry came with her new drink in hand. She kept harshly blinking as to help with her vision, fading in and out of reality, then back to her place in her dreams. As she reached for the can she saw a flash of fierce piercing grey eyes in her mind. Making her gasp in surprise she almost dropped her drink.

The loud noise of truck pipes echoed as a black truck rolled up. Instantly catching the attention of everyone as the driver slammed into park. Y/n once again felt a wave of chills go through her. She knew there was only one person it could be.

Paul had returned with Seth by his side. He wore a completely different outfit than the one had a few hours ago she noticed. Glancing up he found her and locked eyes instantly. She was frozen in place as he made his way down to the area.

Sam rose to greet the two as Paul kept his eyes on y/n. The rest of the group eventually stood along with y/n. At this point all y/n felt she could do was look away and stare into the fire. Feeling his intense look baring down into the side of her neck.

“Paul you made it” Sam said as he was almost instantly ignored. Embry stood beside y/n not bothered by his entrance. Paul was glaring at him, while y/n scanned Paul once more, looking upon his face closely.

“So” His voice was smooth but gruff. He had a slight smirk across his face standing in from of her. Y/n looked up as she breathed in regaining composure. All everyone else could do was watch and wait in anticipation.

“You’re her aren’t you?” Paul said in a tone that made her heart race. “Her?” She answered as he wore a stern expression. One that seemed like he wouldn’t let up. His intensity was something y/n had never experienced before.

“The one. Everyone has talked about you at least once a day since you came” He said making y/n lift an eyebrow, she felt he was somehow annoyed, at how much everyone was excited over her. “Yeah well that’s me. And you are?” She asked as he smiled slightly at her response.

“Paul” he said causing a short pause between the two. For both it felt like an eternity fit into a second. Y/n’s eyes trailed from his eyes down to his lips. Down to his neck and chest focusing on his collarbone. She was too busy taking in his features to realize he was also.

“I never got your name” he said as she felt the warmth on her face spreading. “My name is y/n… Not just the one” y/n bluntly corrected Paul. He smiled finally breaking the harsh exterior he held. “I’d hope not” he said as y/n felt somehow more at ease now that he was back.

The rest of the guys broke the conversation by pulling Paul to the drinks. Catching both of the two by surprise. Everyone erupting into conversation as y/n caught her breath. Separating into their respective corners.

She felt her nerves calmly settling down. As her heart beat steadied she sat down clutching her chest. Embry took notice as he joined her side once more. “Hey you okay?” He asked worried as she nodded her head.

“I’m fine it’s just a bit cold out here. Still getting used to it I guess” she tried to assure while he shook his head. Embry wore a thick fleece lined flannel jacket which he was trying to take off.

Leah instantly as she seen the sight and got up to intervene. Knowing how the situation would bode with a certain someone. Paul was already shooting deathly eye glares from his corner. Leah rushed over with a blanket, wrapped up y/n, before Embry could place his jacket on her.

Y/n flushed red as Leah wrapped not only the blanket but her arms around her. “Here” Leah said looking down at her, she could smell her scent waft past, which was a mix of rain and lavender. Embry frowned as he shuffled his jacket back on.

“Even from where I sat you could see how cold you are” Leah smiled teasing y/n who was bashful. As Leah rubbed her shoulders for warmth before sitting back beside her. “Thank you. I’m not used to the weather here just yet” y/n replied in a soft tone.

“Is it bad if I hope you don’t?” Leah said as she peered in close to y/n. Gazing at her through her thick lashes y/n felt flustered. Noticing how close the distance was to the two. Jared and Kim sat with Paul who was sitting on the edge of his seat.

“Now why would you hope for that? You wish for me to be freezing all the time?” y/n answered trying to focus. But Leah had her own intensity to her that y/n struggled to match. Leah in the other hand couldn’t but find her demeanour cute.

“Because. Then I wouldn’t be able to warm you up like this” Leah made y/n instantly blush heat spreading across her face. Leah sat with a sly but subtle smirk as she stifled a laugh. Quil on the other hand was sick of watching everyone fight over his cousin.

Everyone was acting different since she arrived he noticed. It was as if they all forgot how to act in the first place. When did everyone get so sweet? He rose from his seat eager to march right over. Paul determined to follow him but Sam whipped a glare to him.

The loud sound of a car arriving interrupted everyone. As they all shifted their heads to see who had pulled up. Y/n felt her heart drop into her gut in an awful way. Everything in her body told her she should flee. Instead her body froze stiff in place.

The men all stood up on alert before the truck could even fully park. Sensing something that y/n was somehow also reacting to. Paul whipped his head over to Quil then y/n. Embry left y/n’s side walking over to stand by Sam.

Quil marched over to y/n taking Embry’s place at her side. Y/n noticed Quil’s protective stance as everyone else stood up alert. Leah also rushed in front of y/n as if to block her from something.

Out from the truck was Jacob and the girl Renesmee. Y/n stiffened again as the two immediately locked eyes. Sam rushed up to meet with Jacob who walked with Renesmee in stride.

The two men began to talk in harsh but hush tones to each other. Renesmee kept her eyes on y/n who was trying to stray away from the girl. Looking down eager to avoid y/n felt utter chills throughout her body.

“Hey there. It’s me from the diner remember?” Renesmee beamed innocently with a bright smile. Strolling over past the two men and the rest of the group confidently over to y/n. Everyone eyed her with wild and fierce eyes shocked.

Y/n slightly gasped upon hearing her voice, seeing her coming over, she felt her self hesitate. Quil and Leah immediately closed ranks sliding close to one another. Shoulder to shoulder they blocked Renesmee from approaching further

“Just the other day was when we met. I’m sure Quil remembers. I didn’t think you’d be here what a nice surprise!” The girl continued as Quil nodded with a straight stern face. “Yes it’s good to see you too” he tried to dismiss her. But to no avail as she peered over and in between the two to look at y/n.

“Yes hi Renes—”

“Jacob” Paul called out in a serious tone as he hovered close by. Arms crossed as he showed obvious discontent. “Renesmee” Jacob called out making the girl look back concerned. In a brief moment she sighed and joined his side once more.

Y/n couldn’t help but notice everyone’s strange behaviour. How the energy shifted as soon as these two pulled up. But she wasn’t quite sure how to react given the mood so far. Kim and Jared looked at one another before they separated.

“C’mon y/n I think we should go for a quick cruise. Leah come with us. We’re almost out of drinks” Kim chimed in as y/n looked back up at Renesmee. A sad look upon her face as she gazed into the fire. Kim quickly linked arms with y/n pulling her away from the area.

“Em you too” Leah spoke in a firm tone as Emily nodded. The four left together explaining they’d be right back. Y/n didn’t know what Kim meant by saying there were hardly drinks. When there were at least two coolers full still. She understood there was something weird going on they didn’t want to say.

Whatever it was had to do with Renesmee somehow. Or at least Jacob she decided in her mind on the drive to the liquor store. Even the girls didn’t dare bring the two of them up. Leah drove since she didn’t have anything to drink.

As she parked the car y/n made the other two girls go inside. Wanting to sit alone with Leah for a moment. Y/n waited for Leah to light her cigarette. Watching as she exhaled her smoke into the air.

“So that was Renesmee and Jacob huh? I remember Jacob but I’m not sure who the girl is”

Y/n tried to make her intentions discreet. Leah took a long drag, thinking of what to say, she took a moment before answering. “I thought she said you met at the diner” y/n agreed but quickly dismissed her.

“But that was quick I barely spent a minute with her” Leah nodded slightly. “Yeah well that might be for the best” Leah answered as she took a drag. Her ash lighting up as she inhaled. She seemed so reserved y/n thought as she looked at her.

“For the best? What do you mean by that?” Y/n peered curiously. Wondering what could be so wrong about Renesmee. “I hardly know the girl either. Just that her and Jacob have been gone for like 3-4 years until now. The girl can be a bit much at times from what I remember” Leah continued.

“And Jacob? Is that his…” y/n trailed off unsure whether to say it out loud or not. Leah glanced over with a small smirk. “His what?” Leah questioned as y/n blushed. “I mean is that y’know… His girlfriend?“ Leah laughed slightly as she flicked her cigarette out the window.

“No that’s not his girlfriend. They’re close like…” she struggled to explain as y/n tried guessing. “His little sister?” She answered as Leah agreed. “Yeah… Yeah something like that…” Leah finished her cigarette putting it out. The two girls were coming out the store now with small bags.

Once they returned y/n noticed how they came with more bags of ice than anything. More so than the booze they were supposedly getting. She didn’t want to question since no one needed to black out tonight. Hopefully these boys weren’t black outs who’d fight each other when wasted.

“Good to see Jacob back isn’t it?” Kim brought up lightly, her and y/n sat in the back, as the other two sat quietly. “It is yeah…” Emily said drifting off onto something unrelated. The topic of Renesmee wasn’t brought up in the slightest. It was like she didn’t exist to these people.

Getting back to the beach Jacob and Renesmee were gone, everyone explained they just came for a bit, since Renesmee was supposedly tired. Jacob decided to bring her home instead. Explaining he won’t be able to make it back until another day.

Unadmittedly y/n was disappointed to know she was gone. There was something about her y/n felt she needed to uncover. Why does she keep haunting her dreams with her presence? It all wasn’t making much sense to her. Figuring if she got to know her maybe it’d explain somethings.

Jacob as well she surprisingly missed. She’d cross paths with him as a child growing up. Since him and Quil were always close, she had hardly recognized him, not like she knew him that well anyways. But it was a missed opportunity she was hoping to get another day.

She tried not to focus on it too much and instead focused on visiting here. Tonight would most likely not be different than the rest. Renesmee would likely be awaiting for her in her dreams. As she went to sit down on the logs with the rest Paul came towards her.

She felt nervous as he stepped close, in his hands were a warm blanket, looking up at him he wore a stern expression. “Have this” he said bluntly making her quickly take it in her arms. “It’s cold out tonight. You’ll need it to stay warm” he said very matter of fact. He smelt of firewood smoke and a faint smell of cologne.

“Oh okay…Thank you” she said softly as he handed her a drink, the kind she was drinking before, instead it was a fresh one. Before he walked away satisfied back to his seat. Wrapping herself in the blanket she couldn’t help but blush at the interaction. How thoughtful she thought as the rest watched closely.

The rest of the evening y/n spent with Kim and Emily. Despite y/n’s attempts hardly anyone spoke of Renesmee. The conversation always somehow leading back to Jacob. It bothered her since she was overly curious of the girl.

“So y/n what do you usually like doing around here? Now that you’re fully moved back?” Emily had asked y/n. “I mean there’s not much to do around here really. Well at least from what I remember” she said making everyone laugh.

“That’s quite true” Emily said as she calmed down. Y/n couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed for the comment. “I love going to the beach but it’s not warm out yet. Hiking too but again it’s so cold yet. I’m mainly at home unless I travel out to the city” she said trying to shift the focus off of her somehow.

“Well how about sometime this week you come over for dinner? I usually cook big meals and we’d love to have someone new come by. I can show you what we do for fun here” Emily was sincere and kind which y/n was glad for. “Yeah of course I’ll come” y/n said eagerly making the rest smile, except for Paul, who looked over to Sam and Emily concerned.

“Just let me know what kind of dishes you like. I can cook whatever it’s no issue. Since these guys hunt I usually have a variety of wild game” Emily insisted sweetly. Ignoring Paul’s glares and Sam’s concerns.

“Wow really? You guys hunt?” Y/n asked the rest of the men who were surprised by the sudden attention. “I mean yeah all the time” Embry said in a semi sarcastic tone that y/n caught. Y/n frowned slightly as she turned away. Soon as she did Paul elbowed Embry’s side harshly.

“I can bring by some meat to stock your freezer. I know you love elk meat” Quil chimed in making y/n perk up. “Really? I’d really appreciate that since I haven’t eaten it in so long” y/n said as Quil nodded.

“Wait a minute. I knew I recognized you! But I wasn’t sure from where. You’re the cousin that Quil took to prom right? What was that? Junior or sophomore year?” Jared exclaimed as he finally remembered. Both Quil and y/n’s face flushed with embarrassment.

“Yeah it was grade eleven I came out for the prom. It was a goodnight” y/n explained much to Quil’s objections. “Sorry I didn’t remember sooner. But damn that was bugging me for a while” Jared said relieved.

Everyone got a rise out of that as they shared stories of that night. “I remember because everyone thought she was your girlfriend. Awe man most of the guys were so jealous until they knew she was your cousin” Jared continued on.

It was starting to annoy Paul as much as Quil. “Yeah well I had the prettiest girl on my arm that night that’s all that mattered” Quil defended his self while the boys continued to tease him.

“That’s because you couldn’t get a real date” Embry started as the two broke into rough housing one another. “Fuck you, you didn’t even show up with a date, at least I did” he bickered as Embry tried choking him.

The conversation trailed off into what the guys wanted to show y/n. Once the two broke apart thanks to Paul. Which was just basically a variety of the sports they all played. She got along with Embry and Quil the most. Since they all had somewhat nerdy interests. Embry’s sarcastic humour was starting to rub off on her.

Y/n had started to notice Paul’s presence more with each passing moment. Eager to steal secret glances to look at him, but their eyes would meet each time, making her heart skip a beat. It was as if he was staring at her long before she could look at him.

It caught her off guard in some moments. Or how if she shifted her position and seat he’d find a way to sit directly across her. How he leaned in each time they spoke to one another so far. Just their few passing words was somehow enough for her to feel smitten.

The visit was cut short since Sam got a phone call. Apparently the majority of them work on as a type of security, for the community, Sam was one of the leadings officers. All eventually decided to leave and end the night.

“It’s not unusual for Sam and some of the guys to leave like this. It takes some getting used to” Emily explained as she sighed. Trying to hide her obvious disappointment at her fiancé leaving.

Y/n laid in bed that night tired and tipsy. Thinking back on what had happened. She was glad to have met everyone so far. But Paul stood out amongst the rest even against Renesmee. How intense she felt being near him, in some moments she felt her heart beating so loudly, thinking it’d run right out of her chest.

Paul made her feel things she never thought she could. Tossing and turning her mind was filled with Paul. Despite the erratic emotions she felt somehow at ease also. Each time she closed her eyes to sleep it was as if he was staring back at her.

A howl echoed in her mind as she was lulled to sleep. It was the first night she didn’t have a weird terrible dream. Instead only remembering comfort that came in waves and the howl that echoed.

Y/n finally felt refreshed and rested after what felt like forever. The weird dreams were really messing with her quality of sleep. Thankfully not much happened last night to disturb her. The only thing she couldn’t get her mind off was Paul. Somehow switching him for Renesmee in her mind.

It still freaked her out about the other day with Kim, how Renesmee was in the middle of the road, that she couldn’t explain. In all honesty it messed with her confidence driving. Honestly her confidence in general.

She seemed so alluring and captivating. Despite only spending a few moments with her. Coming off as somehow hauntingly sweet. It wasn’t so great thinking so much of her. Luckily she had the thought of Paul distracting her.

Getting ready for the day she continued with her chores. Continuing to clean and tend to the house. She gradually felt cooped up and uncomfortable, surrounded by chaotic mess, boxes and items left scattered everywhere. She texted Kim to see if she wanted to hang.

But after waiting a minute Kim didn’t respond. Unusual since she always answered quickly. Deciding to just suck it up she wanted to go to the book store. Have a day to herself of shopping and being spoiled.

A chance to get over her nerves and get out. She finished what was left of her chores. Putting on her coat she grabbed her keys out of the bowl by the door. Once last look in the mirror she headed out.

Leaving the house she turned to lock the door. Only to hear a ruffling noise coming from the trees. Whipping her head quickly to see a huge gray wolf, shocked she dropped her keys, but for a brief second she made eye contact.

It was true there were wolves around here! Would it leap and attack her she thought? But the serene energy she felt told her otherwise. Holding the eye contact before the beast turned running into the forest.

She stood for a moment in disbelief. And also just to make sure there weren’t anymore around. After realizing what just happened was real and not a dream she gathered herself. It was her first time seeing a real wolf. Picking up her keys and driving down the road.

The sight of the wolf made her wonder. In all seriousness y/n was spiritual especially with how she grew up. Wondering if this was the same wolf that plagued her dreams and thoughts. Her grandfather always said there was a power, a certain energy, to the wolf.

Overwhelmed y/n knew she needed to just focus on herself today. Everything since moving here was so weird and different so far. She just needed to do something normal and docile. Something that was familiar to her. Hopefully there wouldn’t be any wolves on her way back.

Driving she listened to music to calm her nerves. Getting into a better mindset she got herself a coffee through a local cafe, going through the drive thru, before heading to the stores.

Shopping around a few clothing boutiques she wandered around. Finding a new small store she explored. Not realizing it was an indigenous owned store. There was a wall filled with jewellery. Different types of beaded, dentillium, shell earrings and jewelry.

Coming across a stunning pair of wolf earrings that were beaded. It was more intricate and detailed than what she’d found. She was so taken by them the lady at the register even noticed.

“Those were all made by local artisans in the community. Every item bought a portion goes back to them”

“Really? Do you happen to know the name of who made these?” She asked as the lady who looked at the earrings. “Usually these have a tag with their names and contact info of the artist. But this is missing one” she showed the other earrings with tags.

“I’ll still get them if that’s alright” y/n insisted as the lady happily rang them up. The earrings were too pretty to pass up. Especially after that encounter with that gray wolf. These ones had a gray wolf with an orange sunset coloured background.

Reaching the bookstore she noticed it was also indigenous owned. Something she wasn’t used to where she lived with her parents. It made her excited since she needed more indigenous literature on her shelves.

The man at the counter greeted her as she entered. It was semi busy with people mingling around. Looking around she found a section dedicated to Quileute knowledge and history. Which immediately caught her interest as she went towards it.

Scanning through she found a book on Quileute myths and legends. It reminded her badly of her grandfather. Growing up when she’d be at their house he’d always tell stories. Passing them down from his grandfather to her and her cousins.

Most were stories of his time as a child. Before diving into myths and stories he knew about. She and Quil spent the most time with him out of the grandkids. He’d always take the time to explain what each story meant.

Skimming through she was entranced by the story she landed on. It reminded her of a certain story she had trouble remembering of his. Because he only told it maybe once in her lifetime. Reading the title of the chapter she began reading further.

“Myths and legends of the Quileute tribe

In times before the white man came to the country, the Quileute tribe have been a small but resilient people, with their own unique traditions and power. Recognized and respected by the surrounding communities as fierce warriors.

They are also recognized for their mysterious ‘gifts’ and so called ‘blessings’. Some say they have multiple types of strong magic and power. One being their connection to the wolves. Accounts from other surrounding tribes speak of their unnatural abilities and ties.

The Makah people specifically, have certain accounts, and stories of such abilities. For when encountering them in battle, the Quileute owned what was believed to be direwolves, which are now extinct to the modern world. They’d send them out to assist during battle. Many believed they raised and trained them among their own. But there’s no such evidence to support that.

The direwolves were said to be as big or even bigger than the average horse. A different breed of wolf that was uncommon in the Washington area. On the battlefield they would announce their arrival by howling. Sometimes striking so much fear into the enemy they’d flee.

The Quileute people say otherwise about the direwolves. Claiming that they themselves were the direwolves. Denying that they ever raised such beasts, hence no evidence, but there was no proof to support their original claim.

As a tribe they were used to human threats. Other men trying to conquer their tribe and land. All until the arrival of the ‘cold ones’, people that were made of hard stone, and an unnatural thirst for human blood.

Claiming that the reason they could shift into the powerful wolf, was to kill such horrific creatures, in order to best protect not only their people but humanity it self.”

It sounded like they were describing vampires y/n thought. She only had fuzzy faint memories of her grandfathers story. Surely she would’ve remembered if he mentioned talk of vampires.

The thought of them sent shivers down her spine. How could vampires even be real? The way her people described them made her feel scared. How would they even come across one, let alone many, and also be able to kill them?

Just how big did these wolves get to be? What was shifting exactly like? It was almost describing a werewolf. Intrigued by the idea y/n continued further.

“The cold ones were creatures born of the night. They are unnatural and forever ravenous. Wishing to only feed on human flesh, the Quileute describe them as cannibals, cursed to live forever for their sins of eating human flesh. They appeared as attractive and seductive. With cold solid skin that shimmered like the sun on the water.

Their ability to transform into wolves they say came from one man. Whose name was name was long forgotten. As was his bloodline, they say the last of his line, died honourably to save the tribe. He was named as the last shifter and last wolf of the tribe.

A cold one had strayed from his partner and the trail. Belonging to a group of French colonizers who were trapping. The man found the village first, coming across a band of women and children, bathing and washing by the river.

Legends say the last shifter had to sacrifice his self to save the tribe. Other say it was him and also his sons who died in battle. All the stories end the same way. Wth both of the cold ones being killed and burned to ash. Stating that the cold ones ate many women and children before the last wolf could stop him. Their bodies looked deflated, pale, and flat for they had no blood in their bodies”

An image was attached, a hand drawn depiction of the grimly scene, a woman being sucked at the neck with bodies surrounding. The cold one’s eyes looked dark and ominous. Her eyes were piercingly light as she dressed in fine furs.

“Found yourself a good book I see?” A familiar voice chimed behind y/n surprising her out of her trance. It was Renesmee who stood with a sweet smile. Giggling slightly at y/n’s scared reaction.

“Renesmee! I didn’t realize you were here” she replied as her nerves settled. “I seen you come in earlier but you looked interested in reading. I didn’t want to disturb you but I wanted to say hi. I wasn’t able to talk to you at the bonfire the other night”

“Yeah sorry about that we thought the cruise wouldn’t be so long. I was hoping to see you too”

“Jacob ended up wanting to leave. I think he was too tired to be honest. But anyways I heard from Jacob you recently moved back here. Is that true?” She asked with eyes full of wonder. Y/n couldn’t help but take notice of her ethereal beauty, how perfect her brown hair was, or how her skin glistened under the sunshine.

“I mean yeah but I’m not new to the area—”

“Great to hear. That means I can show you around. Y’know I’ve read this book before and it’s a great read” she said as y/n clasped the book close. “Y-Yeah it has been so far. I think I’m going to buy it actually. I want to read it more” she said her hands covering the front of the book.

“Wait… I’m not sure this is the same one I’ve read actually. Can I check the cover?” Renesmee asked as she reached to flip the book over. “Sure—“ y/n replied before her hands touched her, as they did the air from her lungs sucked out, and her field view changed before her.

She was stuck in the middle of the forest again. The same exact spot she had been stuck in the past. Another flash and the sky was no longer night but day. With a blinding sun that shined down on her.

The next was the moon flashing in her face. With the same intensity as the sun somehow. The sound of heavy footsteps on soft earth intensely struck the ground. Shocked and scared she couldn’t move not even a budge.

All she could see now, was a pair of eyes, glaring at her in the dark. Peering out through the darkness as it came forward. Gray eyes revealed to be the gray wolf once more. As he stepped out of the shadows to reveal itself.

Renesmee’s grip loosened as y/n stumbled backwards. Air rushing back into her lungs. Dropping the book to the floor suddenly. A cold sweat was running down her back as she looked up at her. Renesmee’s eyes fixed onto her neck, before looking back up at y/n, as she smiled Innocently.

“What’s wrong? I don’t want the book *that* bad. I said I read it already *remember*?” she said with such a nonchalant tone. Y/n felt her stomach instantly turn into a big huge knot. Something was *off* and she *needed* to leave.

Picking up the book Renesmee helped her with it. “Here. You have to be careful“ she said in a sweeter and much softer tone. But not enough for y/n to feel even slightly normal. Rushing to get up she felt her gut turning worser by the second. Her hand somehow brushed against hers once more.

Flashes of red filled her vision, similar to a strobe light, it made her stumble down again. “Are you sure you’re fine? You keep stumbling all over the store here” she said clutching y/n’s arm. Upon her touch she writhed away from Renesmee’s grip.

Turning around immediately she slapped a large money bill on the counter. “Thank you?” The man behind the register said as she practically ran out. Renesmee stood quiet as she watched her take off.

In a panic she ran down to her car. Only to be met with something in front of her stiff as concrete. “Woah there. You okay?” A voice said making her look up, it was Jacob his self, he held her shoulders as he helped her steady.

“Y/n?”

“Jacob?”

She asked bewildered by the encounter. “Yeah I’m okay you just surprised me” y/n replied as he smiled. “Me too. You came out pretty quickly. Like a bat out of hell. You okay?—“ he tried asking again but it only triggered her flashbacks to the vision. She could see sharp teeth snapping down, the sound of growling and snarling, as the wolves ran beside each other.

Y/n’s face drained of its colour turning her pale. Jacob noticed as he furrowed his eyebrows. “What’s wrong?” He asked with a genuine concern. His face somehow reminded her of the weird visions she was plagued with.

Renesmee stepped out of the book store. Jacob turned and greeted her like normal. But y/n fled down the path way with no shame or warning. More focused on her and her own sanity.

Y/n hopped into her car and sped home. Hoping and praying she wouldn’t come across Renesmee on the road. She so much as didn’t even want to think or utter her name. For fear of somehow summoning her.

Her grip was tight on y/n’s hand but she felt warm. At least she was warm instead of having an unnatural coldness. It actually surprised y/n she was warm, but it didn’t rid her of her suspicions, there was something about Renesmee that was different.

If she was a cold one, like she suspected, what could she even do? They were cannibals, literal blood sucking monsters, how could one defend themselves? They had to be just some stories elders told to keep kids inside.

Ridding the thought of her she hustled back home. It was raining outside, not as much as usual, it was more of a spit than anything. The smell was calming her down somewhat. Not as much as she wanted or hoped really.

There was no way she could think otherwise if she wanted to feel safe. That girl Renesmee just had to be a sweet normal human. And something else was plaguing the mind of y/n. For her to even experience something as this so often.

How far would these delusions go? It wasn’t as if she was this fascinated by such fantasy’s. Vampires never interested her much. Werewolves also she never paid attention to any fiction such as that. It was a big question on why y/n kept having such delusions.

Flashes of what she experienced kept coming to her. How Renesmee’s eyes although sweet were filled with a never ending darkness. Last she seen her eyes they were so dark. But this time they were a lighter color, a brown almost auburn, how could she never notice?

Her hands were practically shaking as she gripped the steering wheel. Driving fast she kept her eyes on the road. As the rain continued to pour down onto the ground. She could see something following her in the corner of her eye. But she dared not to look away from the road.

Although y/n wanted desperately to go back home, to her safe space, in her gut she knew it was a bad idea. Since Kim didn’t want to answer she knew who she could rely upon. Her grandmother Molly, she was a great comfort to her, anytime she was in need she answered. Even now she answered her obscure call.

“Gramma? Are you home?” She called out with clear desperation in her voice. “Yes. Whats wrong?” Was all she said to make y/n melt into a child again. “Nothing… I’m just missing you and wondering if I would be able to sleep over?” Although y/n was trying to be discreet Grandma Molly could sense her true intentions.

“I’ll be home my girl. Drive safe it’s raining out” Grandma Molly knew she’d arrive sooner than later. Y/n needed to grab clothes but she dreaded going back home. Pulling up to her driveway she sat in the car for a moment.

“Shit” y/n said out loud as she groaned. The anxious feeling churning deep in her. It’ll have to be quick but simple in and out. Stepping out she rushed to the door, still worried about the wolf from earlier, almost dropping her keys out of fear.

Getting inside the house it was quiet and undisturbed. Taking a second to pause and wait. A wave of peace fell over her in the moment. Debating if she wanted to stay and just visit her grandmother. Come home sometime later this evening. It’d be great if she could truly relax.

All until she could hear creaking floorboards in the upstairs hallway. The sound of weight shifting around the floors. A sinking feeling made her stop in her tracks.

‘What the fuck?’ She thought frozen in place again, a familiar eerie feeling washed right over her, she knew it wasn’t right to come here. A moment passed as she awaited for something she didn’t know.

Pulling her courage from somewhere in her. She grabbed the baseball bat she left hidden by the door. Y/n marched right up the stairs into her room ready to face whatever it may be. She wasn’t dumb enough to not have a weapon nearby. Especially as a young woman living alone.

Her bedroom window was open slightly with watery tracks everywhere. Nothing was taken or trashed but someone was inside. Only her bedroom was on the second floor. Who knew how to climb and then open her window?

After checking the house top to bottom with no intruder in sight. Y/n packed up a bag to go and see her grandmother. Locking every single window and door in sight before leaving.

Arriving at the house she felt relieved. This was the familiarity she has been searching for. Since y/n moved in the house her grandmother moved in with her sister Melissa. Everyone in the family called her “grandma Milly”. Who was Kim’s direct grandmother, since they were getting older, they decided it best to look after one another.

“My girl” Molly cooed as she hugged y/n tightly. Sinking into her arms she felt the comfort she needed. “What’s wrong?” She immediately asked y/n once they both let go. Shaking her head profusely “Nothings wrong. I just miss you is all” y/n answered.

Grandma Molly looked at her searching for dishonesty. Y/n didn’t feel it’d be appropriate to tell everything so far. She would eventually but for now she just wanted peace. As if she knew grandma Molly didn’t push any further. Instead bringing y/n inside for dinner.

“How are you settling into the house? Are you feeding yourself? You look pale” she fussed over y/n at the table. “I’ve been feeding myself yes—“ she tried to say before grandma Milly cut her off. “Are you sure? You look thinner than last I seen you”

“I’ve been adjusting to living alone. I don’t think I’ve withered away that much” y/n joked but the two didn’t let up. “Hm” was all Milly said as they finished dinner. Eventually she cleared everyone’s dishes. The two could sense something was up with y/n very quickly.

Settling in the living room they spent the evening watching TV together. Checking her phone she wondered about Kim. It was unusual for her to not answer. Chalking it up to her being busy, she wished she would answer, she needed her support.

“I’m going to go rest. My meds are kicking in” Milly said as she left the room. Bidding goodnight to the two girls. Y/n continued to watch tv as her grandma looked over at her with worry.

“My girl are you sure you’re okay? I don’t mind a surprise visit like this. It’s just… You seemed panicked earlier when you called” Grandma Molly pushed her. Seeing it was just the two of them alone y/n sighed in defeat.

“I mean I am fine. It’s just ever since I got here I just… I don’t know” y/n struggled to find the words. “I love the house. I’m very grateful for everything you’ve given me so far. So I don’t want come off as rude”

“I knew it! The house is too much work for you isn’t it? I was worried this would happen but I figured you wanted your own space. Quil was so adamant you get the house when we talked about it—“

“No no that’s not the issue here. The housework I can handle” y/n explained making her grandma sigh in relief. “It’s just ever since I moved in… a lot of stuff has been bothering me—“

“Oh I know you loved your grandfather. It’s a hard loss for everyone and a big adjustment—“

“I mean like actually bothering me” y/n almost spat out making Molly sit up. “What do you mean? I thought I told you to smudge the house after I left. You know it’s important especially since we cleared everything from there. You don’t want something else moving in” Milly explained as y/n sighed deeply. Figuring out the best way to explain.

“I did smudge with sweet grass even. What I’m trying to get at is my dreams have been crazy lately. And I can’t help but feel like they’re trying to tell me something. Show me something anyways…” y/n trailed off unsure on what her grandmother would say.

Molly sat quiet for a moment as she looked at y/n. “What did you see?” She asked as y/n looked up into her eyes. “The first couple of times I’m lost in the woods. I’m being chased or else I’m running to find something. I’m not sure really“

“Oh I’m sure your dreams are just reflecting how you feel here. I’m sure you’re feeling a little overwhelmed by everything” Molly tried to understand. But all y/n did was shake her head.

“I seen grandpa in one of them” y/n said making the expression on Mollys face drop completely. “What happened” she asked with quite a serious tone. “It was… strange to say the least” y/n shivered thinking back on it. Molly awaited for y/n to continue.

“Each time in my dream I’m in the same spot in the forest. Confused and lost. All of a sudden, in this one dream, someone had asked me if I was lost. I looked up and it was grandpa. He laughed, went behind a tree, he came out as his younger self” hearing this made grandma Molly gasp. And tear up at the thought as she covered her mouth.

“Aw well that tells me he’s doing well. Don’t you think so?” She asked y/n who sat quietly. A solemn look on her face told Molly otherwise. Raising her eyebrows at her granddaughter y/n gave in.

“When he left he… he was… I swear he turned into a wolf and ran into the tree line” y/n finally confessed. Y/n expected her gramdma to chalk it up to some crazy dream. That stress had been affecting her and her sleep so of course she’d dream crazy.

Instead grandma Molly sat quiet with a hand on her mouth. Staring off into the distance in deep thought. “Gramma?” She peered curious thinking it’d snap her back to the conversation.

“Have you seen Kim lately? Did she or anyone else come talk to you yet?” She asked making y/n confused. “No she didn’t answer me. What do you mean talk to me yet?” Molly sat up and held y/n’s hand in comfort.

“You must be tired. What with all your stress. For me the dream is just grandfather coming to visit you. You know how he’s always been attached to wolves and their spirit. Rest easy and have some peace of mind” Was all Molly said as she basically dismissed the conversation. Feeling like there was a blockage y/n settled with just going to bed.

There was no dream or nightmare that night as well. Maybe it really was just stress y/n thought. Eating breakfast with her two grandmothers they discussed their day ahead.

“Me and Milly here have to attend a meeting today. You’re welcome to stay here if you want while we’re gone. Fridge is stocked and the TV will be free”

Y/n knew her grandma Molly was a councillor. But grandma Milly wasn’t, she questioned what meeting they would have together, but instead of being too nosey she let it slide. She wasn’t quite sure what grandma Milly did to be honest. Besides bingo and chain smoke everywhere she went.

“Yep you’re lucky my show isn’t on today” grandma Milly teased her making the two chuckle. “No that’s okay grandma I think I ought to head home. There’s some things I left unfinished” y/n picked her fork around her breakfast. She wondered about Kim for some reason.

It was quite unusual for her not to answer y/n, especially since it’s been a whole day later, surely she wasn’t upset at her? Or even worse she was in some danger? It seemed ridiculous but y/n knew Kim was never not on her phone. The ignorance from Kim seemed deliberate.

“Well you’re always welcome to stay again anytime. Me and this girl aren’t usually this busy most days”

“I’m glad I came, I really needed this visit, thank you guys” y/n smiled at the two. Finishing up their breakfast the three departed on their separate ways. Y/n wasn’t lying about having a great visit. It’s just she left with more questions than answers.

Would nothing explain these crazy delusions she’d been having? Perhaps she needed to just focus on self care, cut out her stress somehow, to make it all stop. But it all didn’t explain the possible intruder in her home.

It wasn’t like she just dreamt up the wet muddy tracks in her room. But really what could she do about it? She lived alone and it wasn’t like her grandmother could do anything. She’d tell Quil but what would he even say or do? Most likely just call her crazy and be bothered she made him check the house.

Getting back to the house she sat in the car for a moment. Her beloved childhood home was starting to feel different. She knew the energy would change once it was just her in the house. She didn’t want to think it, but sadly, it was starting to feel unsafe.

With a deep sigh she stepped into the house. Pausing for a moment to hear anything. Doing a quick perimeter check there was no one around. In moments such as this she wish she had someone to rely on.

That evening she did what she could to cheer herself up. Deciding to clean up her room and area. Before doing a complete pampering routine, a hot bubble bath, fit with a sheet mask to keep her skin soft. Doing what she could to also make herself feel comfortable being here alone.

Watching reruns of her favourite tv shows, she kept all the TVs in the house on, as a way to fill the eerie silence. Cooking her favourite foods she settled in somewhat. Praying that her windows would stay shut tonight.

As she slept she had a very lucid dream that freaked her out. It started out with her in laying bed like usual. Opening her eyes a few times to her room like normal. Until in the corner stood a dark shadow, a woman with long hair stood, just out of sight. But y/n knew she was there watching.

As her vision faded in and out the woman eventually stepped out. The light from the window shined down on her. Only to reveal the one and only Renesmee, her eyes dark with a straight expression, her mouth slowly started to open wide.

Revealing small but sharp fangs it made y/n startle out of her sleep. As she sat up Renesmee wasn’t in the room as she thought. Her window wasn’t open and there weren’t any tracks on the floor. But her heart was racing more than ever.

It was five am and y/n couldn’t go back to sleep for the life of her. She was way too freaked out to even think of lying down. Instead she hyped her self up with many cups of coffee. She did message Quil to try and hang but no answer from that guy either.

She was already not trying to overthink about the bonfire. But now she was starting to wonder did she mess up somehow? Or maybe their friends didn’t really care about her? She wasn’t sure but it was unusual for those two to ignore her.

Everything so far was making her feel so isolated. Was it truly a good idea to come back to the rez? This was what she was trying to escape, being alone in isolation, but it seems it what’s she’s walked into. Maybe even a worser case now with the delusions.

All day she spent it on the couch, the heavy rain seemed to match her mood, as she anxiously awaited nightfall. What would await for her when she fell asleep? She didn’t even want to fathom it. Listening to the rain pour down onto the house it calmed her slightly.

Watching the tv she began to slowly drift off to sleep. Feeling somehow safer on the couch with the dim light of the grey clouds. Eyes and body heavy as her eyes fluttered shut. It’d be best to get sleep while she could. Hoping not to see Renesmee once more.

Suddenly someone was knocking and pounding on her door. In a very erratic and panicked manner it shocked her. Sitting up she checked her phone but there were no messages. No one called her either it confused her who would be there.

“Please! Open up it’s me!” The girl begged as y/n recognized the voice. Rushing to open the door to reveal a rain soaked Kim. Standing there with tears streaming as she sobbed hard. “Kim?” y/n asked worried and concerned. “I need you” Kim sobbed out as she grabbed y/n’s shoulders.

Chapter 3 is finished 🤍 Finally settled into my home after moving in a short while ago. Got caught up with writing more. I wanted to write more insight into an outsiders perspective. How shifters and vampires would look like to ordinary people. Especially the tribe’s over all insight. The next few chapters will be interesting🤍

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