#{ she is grounded in the belief that she is never going to find that sort of solidarity }

[vulpixisananimal]

[A:4 C:66.4] [Alex] |Jasmine| <Altiare>

<Well. This is new.>

<You were in your room, looking at yourself in the mirror. The new body wasn’t, a BAD one, per-se, just, different. A bit taller, a bit more muscular, light hair. You felt strong, too. You could get used to this, especially with the button up shirt and jacket.>

<You didn’t know where to put the bandana; Ramos apparently still put it around their neck, Alex tied their hair with it, Jasmine tied it around an arm, and you. . ? Oh come on Altiare, what are you, a fashionista? No, you fold the bandana up and tuck it into a breast pocket.>

<Your hair was a bird's nest too, great. You’d have to get that sorted out, and get breakfast. But apart from that, the body was decently taken care of. Ha, at least your first day back in control wasn’t cleaning other people's messes.>

<You mindlessly walk away from the mirror and go to your desk. Looking around until you found your tarot deck. It was yours. Not Alex, Jasmines, or Ramos’. It’s yours. You pick it up and start to gently shuffle it.>

<There’s a knock on the door, you glance over.> “Come in.”

<Mirabelle, the Housemaiden of Change, poked her head in.> “Good morning! Did you have a nice sleee. . .” <She scrunches her face, thinking.> “. . . Aaaaalllleeeeeex?”

“-Bzzzt-.” <You shake your head, smiling.> “Altiare, good to finally meet you Mirabelle.”

“O-oh!!” <Her face lights up.> “Good to meet you, Altiare! Feeling alright?”

“Oh I’m actually in excruciating pain.” <You laugh.> “A sadness snuck in and took all my sweeties.”

<That made Mira laugh and walk in.> “Oh no!!! Not the sweeties!!!”

“My stomach will never recover.” <You smile, hmm. . . You pick the top card off the tarot deck, and toss it at her.> “Catch.”

“O-oh-!” <She catches it, barely, then holds it up.> “. . . The hierophant? I-isn’t that, tradition and-”

“Upright or inverted.” <You cut her off.>

“Oh, r-right. It’s inverted.” <She walked over and handed you the card back.> “What does that mean again?”

“Freedom.” <You take the card, look at it, then shuffle it back in.> “Personal beliefs and challenging of the status quo. You are your own master of your beliefs, of your teachings. Which I imagine for you means. . . Finding your own Change?”

“Or lack thereof.” <She mumbles it, ashamed? Maybe. But she’s smiling anyway.>

“Exactly.” <You hand the deck to her.> “Mind shuffling for me, next?”

“O-oh, sure!” <Mira takes the deck, and shuffles it, brow furrowed in concentration. Eventually, she straightened the deck out and held it out to you. You draw a card.>

“. . The tower. Upright.” <You study the card, a burning tower with people jumping out of the windows.> “Chaos, upheaval, sadness. Something that shakes you to the very core.”

“That sounds. . . Bad?” <Mirabelle looks away, worried.>

“It usually is.” <You shrug, and put the card back.> “Things change and break, the Tower is just giving us advanced notice. Don’t stab the messenger, after all.”

“That’s true.” <She smiles back at you.> “And that kind of change is very fertile ground to make something better!”

“Exactly!” <You put a hand on your hip, letting yourself genuinely smile.> “Speaking of change; the new body’s alright, Ramos chose good. Even if I need to figure out my styles again.”

“Well I think you look good! Oh, would you like me to do your hair?”

“Please.” <You look over one of your shelves, finding your hair brush and handing it to Mirabelle. The two of you sat on your bed.>

<Mira hummed softly as she brushed your hair.> “. . . So! How’s it feel to, w-well, suddenly be in a relationship? O-or I guess, a part of you is.”

“Oh yeah.” <You chuckle.> “Dunno if I should be proud or surprised.”

“Surprised?”

“I mean Ramos of all of us?!?” <Eye-roll.> “Yeah we didn’t know we were multiple people at the time, but there was definitely the sense that the one who does all the training has no game at all.”

<That made Mirabelle giggle.> “Hehe, so who was it you thought it’d be?”

“Me.”

“Oh- pfft!” <She laughed this time.> “What about Alex?”

“A coin flip. Either they’d find a nerd as intense as her or just stick to learning things.” <You shrug.> “Besides, it wasn’t like me and Alex weren’t trying.”

“Huh?” <Mira pauses.> “. . O-oh! Like looking for a partner?”

“Mmhm.” <You turn back to look at her.> “People in the Defenders were always looking for a date. We tried a few, no-one felt right, we even tried with Izza but that didn’t go anywhere- oh Isa. Old nickname.”

“W-wait,” <She perks up.> “You and Isabeau?!?”

“Yeah?” <You grin.> “Well when in Vaugarde, right?”

<Mira laughed.> “S-sorry, sorry!! I-I didn’t mean to be rude and I could see it I think i-it just took me by surprise so-”

“Oh shut up.” <You flick her on the forehead gently.> “That was then, we can all laugh about it now. Heh.”

<You lay back on the bed, hair now brushed.> “Besides, it looks like me and Alex got third and second place respectively. I’ll get my revenge later.”

“Hehe, I’ll be excited to see it- wait.” <She tilts her head.> “Not, joint second place?”

“No? I mean Alex and. . .” <You blink. Wait, did she not know? Wait, did the others not know either? You grin and sit up.> “Is everyone home right now?”

“Yes! They’re all downstairs right now! Why?”<You stand up and crack your knuckles, then walk to the door.> “Because I know exactly what my revenge is gonna be.”

[nan0-sp1der]

{ replying late woo-hoo. tagged by @lyrate-lifeform-approximation. } 𝐀 𝐊𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐟

You have left your house, you have left those people behind, but what are you going to do about the memories which have taken root in you? You can run but not without them. You want someone to sit with you on this cool marble floor while the sun burns everything. You want them to cut your rotten heart and theirs too. You want to sit with it in front of you, let them see you with all your flaws, which haven’t been your fault but you have been made to believe so, and you want them to love you anyways. Because you know you’d do that for them.

tags: @vinylweb , @peacockjumpingspider , @criskape , @spiderbite-from-0202 , @halfxspider { lol miguel double-tag }

Let me assign you an affection language.

A Knife Called Grief You have left your house, you have left those people behind, but what are you going to do about the memories which have taken root in you? You can run but not without them. You want someone to sit with you on this cool marble floor while the sun burns everything.You want them to cut your rotten heart and theirs too. You want to sit with it in front of you, let them see you with all your flaws, which haven’t been your fault but you have been made to believe so, and you want them to love you anyways. Because you know you’d do that for them.

[yoinked from iobartach]

[raven-dor]

so it goes

in which fred weasley the second finds himself completely enamored with his sworn… enemy?

PAIRING: fred weasley ii x ravenclaw!reader, fred weasley ii x fem!reader

WARNINGS: fluff, blood purist beliefs, obliviousness, slight angst, PURE FLUFF HONESTLY

WORD COUNT: 2.8k

first year

“So…” Fred started off, interrupting the silence that encompassed them. “What house are you hoping for?” 

“Ravenclaw.” The girl said quickly.

The young boy’s face contorted. “Why Ravenclaw?” 

“Why not?” She snapped. “Ravenclaw is for the best and brightest, and I would like to be the best.” Her posture straightened as she waited to be called. The Sorting Ceremony made her very anxious, and this pestering boy wasn’t helping.  

“But- But why not Gryffindor or even-” Blimey, he couldn't believe he was saying this. “Slytherin?” 

“Both good houses.” She nodded. “Just not what I want.” 

“What house were your parents in?” 

“My-” She seemed to crawl back in her shell. “My parents didn’t attend.” 

“Ah. Dumstrang and Beauxbatons then.” She shook her head. “Ilvermorny?” 

“I- I’m a muggleborn.” 

“Well-” Fred grinned, nudging her arm. “That’s bloody brilliant.” 

She smiled, looking at him curiously. “Really?” 

“My Aunt Hermione is a muggleborn, and I reckon she’s brighter than everyone in my family combined.” He paused. “I’ve just realized I never asked for your name. Fred Weasley.” He extended his hand. 

She hesitantly shook his hand. “Y/N Y/L/N. You’re related to the Minister of Magic?” 

He grinned. “I am, yeah.” Kissing the back of her hand, he winked just like his father had taught him. “Charmed.” 

To that, Y/N rolled her eyes, shoving him away as she pushed further into the crowd. James nudged his cousin. “What was that all about?” 

Fred grinned, still watching her walk away. “I think I’m in love, Jamesie.” 

third year

“Fred Weasley, put that boy down right this instant!” 

Fred grinned, lowering the bully until he was a few inches above the ground. “I thought I recognized those dulcet tones, Y/L/N.” 

“What has he done to deserve this?” She crossed her arms, glaring. “Hm?” She looked at James, trying to reason with him. “James, you’re the level headed one. Was this really worth it?” 

Fred whipped around, signaling at his cousin not to tell her, but James ignored him, nodding. “I would say so.” 

The boy was still fluttering around in the air, and Y/N sighed. “Fred, put him down.” 

“He-” The third year was practically fuming. “He’s despicable. Why should I?” 

“What exactly did he-” 

James walked over, whispering in her ear. “He called you a- a mudblood, Y/L/N. Fred told him to stop it, and the tosser didn’t listen.” 

Y/N nodded, looking back at Fred. “So you decided to levitate him in the air?” 

“I was going to drop him.” Fred muttered. “But then you came along.” 

“Let him go, Fred.” She said once more. “You can’t bully him into changing.” She walked over, standing in front of the pair. “If you're raised in an environment like that, it’s all you know.” 

Rosier scoffed, dusting his robes off as he stood. “You have no idea-” 

Fred stood between them. “It’s probably best if you leave, mate. Before Y/L/N changes her mind.” 

Rosier stalked away, mumbling about how he was going to pay for this, but they hadn’t paid attention. Y/N scoffed. “I can’t believe you did that.” 

“What? Defend your honor? Defend muggleborns?” He stepped forward, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I will always-” 

“Fred.” She crossed her arms. “I can take care of myself.” 

“I know you can.” He grinned. “But why can’t I help?” 

“You-” She rolled her eyes. “You’re such a Gryffindor, Weasley.” 

He yelled after her, laughing as she walked away. “Is that such a bad thing?”

“Yes!” She yelled back, trying not to smile. “It is!” 

fifth year

James groaned, hitting his head against the library table. “Just apologize, Freddie. I’m tired of this. I haven’t seen Y/L/N in weeks, and I’m getting bored of you.” 

Fred gasped, holding a hand to his heart. “You wound me Jamie.” 

Roxanne interrupted, looking at her brother suspiciously. “What exactly did you do to deserve this?” 

“What did I do?” Fred rolled his eyes, looking at his textbook. “Why do you assume it was my fault?” 

“Fred.” James lifted his head. “Everyone knows it was your fault. You shouldn’t have done that.” 

“Done what exactly?” Fred raised an eyebrow. “All I did was ask Scamander out.” 

“Which would have been fine. If you hadn’t asked her out in front of Y/N right after you’d been in an argument.” 

Roxanne turned back to her brother, shaking her head. “Oh, Freddie.” 

“What!” He raised his hands up in surrender. “What exactly is wrong about that?” 

“You two have been dancing around your feelings for five years, and then you ask out another girl in front of her?” She laughed. “I’d avoid you too.” 

James nodded. “Poor Y/N/N. I imagine the whole school is-” His eyes widened. 

“What?” Fred leaned forward. “Are you alright, Jamie?” 

“She’s-” James pointed. “She’s right behind you.” 

Fred turned around, trying not to wince at the awkwardness of it all. “Y/N.” 

“Weasley.” She spat his name out, like it was poison in her mouth. “I was just leaving.” 

“Wait-” Fred pulled out a chair. “Sit with us.” 

She shook her head, glaring at him with daggers in her eyes. “I wouldn’t want to upset your girlfriend.” Looking at James and Roxanne, she waved quickly. “I’ll see you in DADA.” 

Fred stood up, immediately following after her. “Y/N/N, come on.” 

She kept walking, pushing past students to get away from him. “Leave me alone, Fred.” 

“Just-” He reached out, grabbing her wrist. She stopped, students filtering around them, muttering to their friends curiously. The whole school knew about them, thriving off of any gossip they could get. Her breath caught, staring at him with wide eyes. “Just wait.” 

“Fred…” She whispered. “Let go, people are looking.”

“I don’t care.” He whispered back.  

“Is there a problem here?” Y/N pulled away, staring at the ground as Headmistress McGonagall approached.

Fred shook his head, grinning. “Not at all, Minnie.”

“Ms. Y/L/N?” McGonagall turned to the Ravenclaw. “Anything to add?” 

“I think Fred said it best.” Y/N smiled weakly.

The Headmistress crossed her arms, staring knowingly. “Very well.” The three stood there for a moment before she clapped her hands. “Off you go then.” 

Y/N nodded, stalking off, Fred hot on her track. “Well wait just a moment.” 

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” She hissed, still trying to outrun him. 

“I-” He huffed, heart clenching. He’d never gone this long without her attention. Granted, this was all his fault, but if he had to go on like this any longer, he would combust. “I’m sorry. I really am.” 

That had stopped her in her tracks, Fred running into her back from the sudden halt. She turned around slowly, a curious look on her face. “Why exactly are you sorry?” 

“Well…” His cheeks turned bright red. Was she really making him spell it out? “For asking Scamander out.” 

She blushed. “Just- don’t do that again, please.” 

He nodded (in quite an over the top manner if you had asked her.) “Consider it done.” Swinging an arm over her shoulders, he dragged her toward the library. “James missed you. Says that he’s bored of me.” He scoffed. “Don’t know why, I’m quite the delight.” 

Y/N laughed, finding comfort in his hold. “You’re terribly unaware, Weasley.” 

the summer before sixth year

“Fred!” Y/N’s voice echoed from the top of the Burrow. “When I-” She sprinted down the steps as fast as her legs could take her. “I swear-” 

“Relax, love.” His voice rang throughout the hall, coming to a clear when she reached the bottom of the steps. “It was only a joke.” 

“A joke?” She huffed, squeezing her shirt to rinse out the water. “I was sleeping you git!” 

“I know.” He laughed. “We could hear your snoring echo through the house.” 

She gasped, smacking his chest indignantly. “Fred Weasley!” 

“Yes?” He wasn’t deterred by her squawking. “I’m right here love, no need to shout.” 

She rolled her eyes, shoving past him and sitting down at the table. Hermione laughed, shaking her head ever so slightly. With a wave of her wand, she dried Y/N off, scolding her nephew half heartedly. “You are just like your father.” 

George glared at his sister in law. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Ruffling his son’s hair, he sat beside him. “Never a dull moment.” 

Y/N grumbled, shoving a bite of pancakes into her mouth. “Sometimes I wish there was.” 

Fred grasped his heart. “Why would you-” 

Y/N glared at the boy. “Stop. Talking.” 

James laughed, leaning forward and whispering as if his entire family couldn’t still hear him. “Trouble in paradise, Y/L/N?” 

The table quieted down, the entire family either staring at Fred or Y/N, whose eyes were as wide as saucers. She leaned forward in her chair, smirking. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Fred grinned brightly, nodding along. “Our relationship is none of your business, Potter.” 

“Relationship?” Y/N laughed. “In your dreams, Weasley.” 

Fred faltered, his eyes training on her for a second too long. “Yeah… in my dreams.” 

sixth year

“Weasley…” Y/N shook her head. “Put him down.” 

Fred rolled his eyes, ignoring her. “You know what he did, why are you defending him?” 

“I’m a prefect, Fred. It’s my job.” She walked up, jutting her hip. “Now put him down.” 

Rosier shook in the hold of the spell, hissing. “Don’t lend me any of your help mudblo-” 

“Silencio.” Y/N pulled out her wand. “Put Rosier down, Fred, and I won’t tell your prefect about this.” 

Fred smirked, leaning closer. “You wouldn’t have told her anyhow.” 

Y/N raised an eyebrow. “Oh really?” Without another word, she turned around, walking away from the crowd of people. Fred let Rosier drop to the ground haphazardly, following after her like a lost puppy. “Any plans for the day?” 

She blushed. “Actually-” 

Fred scoffed, his heart dropping into his stomach. “Don’t tell me you're going out with him.” 

“He has a name Fred.” She whispered, refusing to make eye contact. “Frank’s kind.” 

“He is.” Fred nodded. “But he’s- he’s not what you want, is he?” 

She stopped, turning toward him. “And what exactly do I want?” 

“You-” He tried not to smile, but he couldn’t help it. She was so beautiful in this light, with that fire in her eyes, begging him to dig a deeper hole. “You know.” 

“I don’t actually.” She whispered. “Come find me when you find out.” 

“He’s been staring at you for the past hour.” Frank Longbottom was not one to lose his patience, in fact he still hadn’t, but someone staring at his date had driven him close. “Are you sure it’s not-” 

Y/N nodded. “It’s fine, really. I’m sure he’ll stop.” 

Frank muttered. “I just think it’s odd that your friend is…” He sighed. “Well he’s left.” 

She whipped around, staring at his disappearing figure. “Oh.” 

“Go after him.” 

Her cheeks were bright red. “What?” 

He took a long drink of his butterbeer, repeating himself. “You like Weasley. Go after him.” 

“I-” She shook her head. “I really don’t.” 

Frank groaned. “Everyone knows it. I just don’t know why I hadn’t seen it.” He stood up, grabbing his coat. “You two are made for each other.” 

Y/N ran after him, pulling her sweater closer to her. Rowena, she should’ve grabbed her jumper. “Frank, I’m sorry-” 

“Don’t apologize. Just-” He half laughed and half scoffed. “Just swear to me you’ll talk to him.” 

She felt conflicted. Horrible for making Frank feel so awful, and rather annoyed with Fred for ruining her date. “I- I will.” 

He nodded. “Good. Well…” He took a step back, waving. “See you.” 

She stared at Frank’s disappearing figure, lost in her mind. So lost, she hadn’t even heard Fred approach her. “Are you alright, Y/L/N?” 

She scoffed. “Fine, thanks.” 

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Did Longbottom-” 

“No.” She laughed. “Nothing happened.” 

He squinted. “You sound disappointed.” 

“Well…” She turned to face him, glaring. “You would too if your date was ruined.” 

“What-” His eyes widened. “Oh. Sorry.” 

She crossed her arms, her teeth chattering. “It’s fine, really.” 

“You’re- You’re shivering.” Fred stepped forward, draping his coat over her shoulders before she could protest. “Did you even bring a jumper?” 

“I left it.” 

“You left it at Hogwarts? You know, just because you’re a witch-” 

She hadn’t the heart to correct him, instead she opted to watch him endlessly worry over her wellbeing. He looked genuinely concerned, which made her oddly happy, smiling like a lovesick puppy as he draped an arm over her and guided her back towards the Three Broomsticks.

seventh year

“Where is she?” Fred yelled, racing down the hall. “Where is she!” 

The hospital wing’s doors burst open, a livid Madam Pomfrey on the other side, steam practically hissing out of her ears. “Cease your yelling this instant!” He opened his mouth, but Madam Pomfrey raised a finger, effectively silencing him. “She is sleeping.” 

“What-” He was shaking. “What happened?” 

“A duel… I’ve been told Ms.Y/L/N gave him the option to stand down and he- the student used her moment of kindness against her.”

“I-” He scoffed. “Why would she…” He looked back at Madam Pomfrey. “Will-” 

“The effects of the healing drought should be wearing off soon.” The older witch nodded. “Would you-” 

Fred nodded, following after her until they stopped at the end of Y/N’s bed. He laughed, shaking his head. “Godric Y/L/N.” He sat beside her, holding her hand in his. “Why did you have to be so reckless? You should have-” He rubbed the back of her hand gently, sighing to himself. “I should have been there. But don’t worry, I’m here now. I’ll be here until you wake up, promise.” Staring at her for a few more moments, he leaned down to kiss her temple lightly before leaning back in his chair and falling asleep, their hands still intertwined. 

“Fred?” Y/N nudged his sleeping frame. He hadn’t stirred, and she smiled at his peaceful expression. Her hand was warm, and she looked down to see their hands locked together. Not that she minded, she let it continue as she tried to wake him up. “Love?” 

He stirred, whining in his sleep. “One more minute mum.” 

“I’m not your mum.” She whispered, giggling. “Did you really sleep here all night?” 

He smirked, opening his eyes slowly. “Did you really challenge Rosier to a duel?” 

“He challenged me, actually. Not that it matters. I lost.” 

“That’s what you're worried about?” He laughed. “He could have seriously hurt you, and all you’re worried about is your honor.” He shook his head lovingly. “That’s quite a Gryffindor thing to do.” 

She gasped, smacking his arm lightly. “You take that back!” 

“I’m afraid I can’t. It’s already been said.” She smacked him again, this time harder. “Merlin woman, stop hitting me!” 

“Why-” She giggled, still pretending to be mad at him. “Why would you say that about me?” 

He smiled, staring at her intently. “You scared me, you know.” 

“Sorry.” She murmured. “He kept going on about me, which I was fine with. And then he-” She sighed. “I just couldn't stand there and let him talk that way.”

Fred nodded. “I get it, trust me, I do. But next time… just-” He sighed, standing up. “I couldn’t live with myself if I lost you.” 

“You haven’t lost me Freddie.” She smiled.

“Yes, I know.” He glared. “Just, next time Rosier pisses you off, you get me.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “I’m more than capable of handling him myself.” 

“I know-” He huffed. “Just let me take care of you, all right?” 

“I-” She blushed, nodding when she realized he wasn’t going to relent. “Fine, fine.” Scooting over on her bed, she patted the spot next to her. “Stay with me.” 

He climbed up, draping an arm over her waist as he faced her. “I- I have to tell you something.” 

She grinned, moving herself closer to him. “Yeah?” 

He gulped, just realizing how close they really were.  “You know that conversation we had last year?” 

“What about it?” She whispered, scared to break the peace that lay over them.

“Well, I…” He smiled, nudging her nose with his. “I know what I want.” 

“Oh really?” She smirked, her eyes fluttering shut. “And what’s-” 

He leaned down, capturing her lips in a fiery kiss. “Godric, let me kiss you.” 

“Well-” She scoffed. “I didn’t know if you were done-” He kissed her once more, and she sighed, pulling at the hair at the bottom of his neck. “You’re insufferable.” 

“So are you.” He grinned. “And somehow I still love you.” 

Her eyes widened, and Fred leaned back, squeezing his eyes shut. “I shouldn’t have-”

It was her turn to kiss him, interrupting his sentence before he had the chance to make a bigger mess. “Rowena, I love you too.” Her breath catching at their proximity. “Now let me kiss you.”  

He grinned, pulling her closer. “Whatever you say, love.” 

taglist: @beebeechaos

[azrielslightintheshadows]

Princess

Azriel x f!Reader

One of the series I’m currently working on. Enjoy!

Summary; Reader is Mor’s new friend that she found in the winter court while she was away for business. Y/n has been raised as a princess since her parents wanted to wed her to a noble fae in order to climb the social ranks. When her parents are brutally murdered y/n is left alone without a clue about the harsh reality or the brutality of the world. Mor finds her and takes her back to Velaris afraid of what might happen to her if she was left to live on her own. Will y/n survive the hate she will receive from certain members of the inner circle -including her mate- regarding the way she grew up?

Warnings; angst, mentions of abuse, trauma and death, swearing

Masterlist.

Princess Masterlist.

Chapter 11

“I think you are ready for training” Azriel spoke.

He was sitting on the small chair by your window with a hot cup of tea in his hands.

“My hands still seize when I try to move them for more than five minutes...” you noted.

“We can focus on your legs tomorrow… you were doing so good don’t let it go to waste.”  He shrugged.

“I will think about it...” you murmured.

As you were both sitting in silence your thumbs started twitching and you knew that your hands would start seizing in a few minutes. Your eyes watered and you stared at the ground.

“What’s wrong?” Azriel asked when he noticed your expression.

“Nothing…” you chewed your bottom lip and he sighed.

“Let me see…” he said softly and got up.

You pulled your hands from the blanket and showed him, they had start seizing by now. A few tears escaped from your eyes and Azriel shook his head.

“It’s okay…” he whispered and grabbed some of the ointment. He grabbed your hands and started massaging them.

“Thank you” you replied and kept your gaze fixed on his scarred fingers. When your hands stopped seizing, he grabbed one and placed a kiss on your knuckles. Your breath hitched and he froze.

“I’m sorry I… I don’t know why I did this” he stuttered and backed off quickly, like your skin burned him.

“I’m so so sorry” he repeated and hurried out of your room before you had a chance to reply.

You gaped at the spot he was previously sitting, your thoughts running wild and your heart racing.

What was that? Why did he do this? I shouldn’t care, no… I don’t care. We are only friends and that’s only because he is helping me through all of this. I can’t be with someone who treated me like this from the moment I stepped foot in this court, the only reason why I don’t hate him is this stupid bond and the healing process with which he helped me so much.

Your thoughts kept crushing on your mind like waves and even though it hurt, you kept thinking trying to sort your feelings and beliefs. You couldn’t understand how your life turned upside down and you didn’t know who to blame. Mor brought you here but only to protect you, she couldn’t know that her friends would treat you like that. Azriel for sure was a part of the reason you got hurt but again it wasn’t his intention and if you kept your mouth shut about the mating bond nothing would’ve happened. You could blame yourself for never realizing how badly your parents were mentally abusing you and then following a stranger so blindly. You could blame yourself for not standing up when Azriel treated you like this and for leaving instead of fighting. If you stayed at the house of wind the Illyrians wouldn’t find you and now your hands would remain unsullied. You could blame your fate, maybe everything was meant to happen, maybe the Mother wanted to make you see how strong you really are and snap you out of your parent’s brainwashing. You thought about your power, you didn’t tell anyone about it in fear of what they would do to you. Your mother suppressed it with wards, what if they did the same? Were you dangerous? You could feel it building up again and you knew you had to tell someone sooner or later. What if you couldn’t hold it back and you ended up hurting someone? They wouldn’t forgive you and if they kicked you out, your life would be over before you could even blink. You knew from the moment you came that you were trapped here but now you wondered if it was indeed a bad thing. Cassian was training you and Rhysand seemed like he really cared about his family, if you could become one of them your life would get better and maybe you could be happy.

You closed your eyes and let sleep take over, you were too tired to keep thinking.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Morning came and someone knocked on your door, you almost frowned when Nesta walked in instead of Azriel.

“Good morning, Azriel said that you might want to come to training today.” She said softly.

“Good morning, I don’t know” you mumbled.

“I just came to tell you that we will be waiting for you, it’s okay if you don’t come though.” She smiled and closed the door when you nodded.

You decided to give training a chance and got up, after you washed yourself ignoring the itching on your hands when water touched them you picked your clothes. You could feel a pang every time something touched them and getting dressed took way longer than before. With a sigh you left your room and walked to the roof. The girls, Cassian and Azriel were there, and they all stopped their exercises when they saw you.

Gwyn rushed to you and pulled you for a hug. “I’m sorry” she said and rubbed your back. “Why?” you asked. Your hands remained on your sides.

“I didn’t know he is your mate.” She replied and broke the hug.

“Oh okay” you shrugged. You wanted to tell her that you would reject the bond and that she could have him if she wanted, but your mouth remained shut. No matter how hard you tried to speak it refused.

“Hello y/n, it’s good to have you back” Cassian smiled. “Azriel is going to train you today because I will be sparring with the girls.” He continued at nodded at the ring.

Azriel avoided your gaze and walked to the corner.

“Okay thank you” you said and followed the shadowsinger.

“Any pain?” Azriel asked you and glanced at your hands.

“When I was getting ready, I’m okay now” you replied. Claude had rejoined the other shadows around Azriel, and you secretly hoped it would come back to you after training.

You began stretching and Azriel watched your every move. His eyes lingered on your hands and every time they almost touched the ground he tensed.

“Az I’m fine” you rolled your eyes.

“Wh-what?” he stuttered. You sent him a questioning look and he continued “How did you call me?”

You thought about what you said and blushed.

“Oh I’m sorry…” you started but he cut you off.

“No no it’s okay” he smiled.

You practiced some kicks and worked on your balance. Every time that Azriel thought you were going to fall, his hands were instantly on your waist.

“I won’t fall” you said for the millionth time.

“I know but I don’t want to risk it, you will instinctively stretch your arms and you will get hurt, the pain will be unbearable” he also explained for the millionth time.

“Stop acting like I’m going to break, I know how badly it’s going to hurt but I won’t die” you scoffed.

“Well I’m sorry for caring” he rolled his eyes.

You snorted and shook your head. “Now you care about me? Now you decided to be nice to me? If you treated me like that from the start I wouldn’t be in this situation” you yelled and showed him your hands. You heard a few gasps from behind and noticed everyone’s gazes on your hands.

Azriel teared up and remained silent as he stared on your scarred flesh.

“You know what? Fuck you!” you spat and stormed off.

You entered your room and fell on the bed, sobs shook your body, you didn't know why you blamed him, just yesterday you thought about this and decided that it wasn't his fault. You tensed when your door opened again.

“You think that I don’t blame myself?” Azriel’s broken voice boomed through the house “I know that it is my fucking fault. I know that even though I failed you the first thing you told me was that it isn’t my fault because that’s how fucking good you are. That’s why I wanted you to hate me, because you’re the light and I’m the darkness. Do you know what darkness does? It chases the light away, it destroys it! That’s what I almost did to you.” he was sobbing as he spoke. You noticed how badly he struggled to take a breath.

“No!” you yelled back and stood in front of him “You’re wrong, the light makes the darkness disappear.”

He stared into your eyes and took a step closer.

“I’m what causes your misery. I think it’s best for you to keep a distance.”

You scoffed and moved closer to him, you were now only a few inches away.

“Of course, run away from your problems like a coward.”

His gaze moved from your eyes to your lips and back again.

“What do you want me to do?” he breathed.

“Fix what you caused. Make it up to me.” You didn’t know why you said that.

“I will, when we reject the bond.”

“Good.” You shouted. “Good” he shouted back.

You remained still for a few moments, staring at each other. You noticed all the shades of brown and green in his eyes and the few flecks of gold, they were unique and you could see that they held way too much pain inside.

“Good” he whispered again and left your room.

“Fuck you” you shouted and slammed the door shut, leaving a whimper at the pain on your hand.

Please let me know if I forgot to tag someone!

@glitterypirateduck, @zara-aliza08, @mika-no-sekai-blog , @purpleshoelaces , @act1839 , @fasoaurore, @pinksmellslikelove, @bunnyredgirl, @lectoracronica, @tuggboatfishin, @sunnysideup000, @blessthepizzaman, @raisinggray, @ssmay123 , @kalulakunundrum, @justasillylittlegoofyguy, @tsunami-of-tears, @just-a-social-casualty-1, @thelov3lybookworm, @saltedcoffeescotch, @justdreamstars, @strangersunghoon , @sosuitcandy , @cat-or-kitten, @ohthemisssery, @starsinyourseyes, @no1massassin, @stained-glass-eyes0708, @vellichor01, @hnyclover

[necrotic-nephilim]

fan fact the only canonical world where tim is happy like batman is the future where he and cass are married and share the title

this is from solo #10, last story, written and pencilled by damion scott who was the first main artist of cass's run

THANK YOU FOR THIS OH MY GOD I WANT TO KISS YOU ON THE MOUTH.

i KNEW there was an Elseworlds story i had read where they ended up together!!!! but researching got me NOTHING and i half convinced myself i hallucinated it. i've always made the joke i think it's so funny Tim is the only Robin who's been with all of the Batgirls (Steph in the main timeline, Babs in the Arkhamverse, and Cass in this comic) but when i was trying to find it i doubted myself because i could find NO trace when looking it up, just reference to canon comics where CassTim was heavily implied. damn near gaslit myself.

anyways this whole thing makes me unwell. because i'm of the firm belief Tim could never be happy if he stayed a vigilante his whole life, *especially* if he became Batman. because that is canonically one of his worst fears. it's why i like Tim Drake of Tomorrow (Savior) so much, because it's a personification of those fears and the sort of proof that Tim becoming Batman would set him on a hyper-paranoid overly controlling path he wouldn't come back from. but? the idea that Tim could be happy and healthy as Batman if he was sharing the mantle with Cass? that makes *so* much sense. they represent very different aspects of Batman ('the noble detective' and 'the vengeful knight' pretty aptly display that) and her drivenness and dedication to the Bat as a symbol would be the thing that keeps Tim from falling over that edge. it'd keep him from self-isolating (a thing Tim is known to do when he's falling down a paranoid spiral) and keep him steady. meanwhile he would ground her, make sure she knows she's not alone. that's my only real gripe with Cass as Batman, is that she shouldn't be so alone and 'one man army' the way Bruce is. she needs to keep her support system she worked so hard for. she needs someone to remind her that she's human and treating herself like a weapon 24/7 isn't sustainable, something Tim has tried to get through to her. they're just so good at balancing each other out and DC would never go in the direction of exploring them again, but there was a time it really felt like we were on the cusp of them flourishing as a couple and tbh, i almost feel like we missed out.

[bi-bard]

No Saints Ever Watched Over Me - Kaz Brekker Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: No Saints Ever Watched Over Me

Pairing: Kaz Brekker X Sun Summoner!Reader

Word Count: 1,798 words

Warning(s): canon-typical violence

Summary: Kaz held onto the belief that no saints had looked out for him and none were in a rush to rescue him. When forced to face the very saint that he refused to believe in, will Kaz accept that he was wrong or continue on his path of denial and avoidance?

Author's Note: Here's how one piece of dialogue made me want to throw all sorts of canon to the wolves just so this idea could happen.

---------------------------

At some point, hiding became as natural as breathing.

My parents taught me to hide before most things.

They were the only ones who knew about my... condition that I hadn't directly told.

They had seen the sunlight that coursed through my veins. The prophecy unfolding in their very home. The future presented to them on a silver platter.

They knew what would happen if I was ever discovered. They never wanted me to hear, but I did. They knew that I would be hunted for the rest of my life. That I would be shoved into harm's way in the name of Ravka. Men would be happy to watch my blood spill for their battles if they were wrapped in the flag of their country.

I was young when a group of men showed up at their door.

My dad took me away. As far away as he could. My mom didn't have a chance.

When he knew that what was happening was inevitable, he told me to run. Run, hide, and never tell anyone about my gift.

I was alone.

I never saw my power as a gift. Especially not after that day. In one swoop, this "gift" had taken everything from me.

And I still had to survive despite that.

I settled in Ketterdam. Alone and terrified. I needed to find work and a place to stay while I was still very young.

Working with Kaz Brekker was an accident more than anything else. It had been a few years since I had seemed to plant my feet on the ground. I had made friends with Jesper, who had offered me a chance to make myself a decent amount of money.

After that, Kaz seemed to come to me for every mission they had. I don't know why. As far as he was able to know, Kaz could have found a hundred people who were just like me.

Granted, I didn't have to keep working with him. I could have taken another job. But I didn't. Working with Kaz just felt right. Working with the Crows felt right.

I was a regular part of the team.

It was nice.

None of them seemed willing to say it out loud but it was like having a family. A real family for the first time in ages.

I kept my... situation private. They didn't truly need to know.

However, I knew that it would be foolish to think that I could hide it from them forever. It did take them longer than

Inej was the first to find out.

Kaz had noticed that something was "off" about me. Something was different. He couldn't figure out what that thing was. And Kaz Brekker hated not knowing everything about a situation.

He sent her to spy on me for the night. Follow me. See who I did business with, who I met for drinks, who I brought home with me (which I never did).

I had been curled at the foot of my bed after a long, exhausting day. I was tired and sad and angry all at the same time. I needed something of comfort. I allowed a ball of sunlight to form in my hand and sit in my palm. The fog and dreariness of Ketterdam didn't allow for one to enjoy a moment in the sunshine, so I had to make my own.

Inej must have caught me just as I was sitting there with it.

Not that she told me.

Instead, she went straight back to Kaz with what she had learned.

I could imagine what his reaction was. The disbelief, the anger at the insistence, and the dismissal of the whole event with some comment about it all being some clever trick on my part.

I hope she asked him what the point of a trick was when I was alone.

I only found out that Inej knew when I was told to go meet Kaz in his office. As I passed the bar, Inej and Jesper watched me go by. I watched Inej's hand move to her forehead and chest. I furrowed my eyebrows for a moment. I hadn't told her anything, so why did she do that?

Kaz was standing behind his desk when I walked in.

"Close the door," he instructed bluntly. I did so.

I walked over to stand across from him, waiting for some indication of what this was all about.

"What are you," he asked.

I paused for a moment. "Excuse me?"

"What are you?" he repeated, putting an emphasis on each word.

"I'm (Y/n), you allow me to work with you because I can fight, and you said that I can be pretty clever-"

"I said what, not who."

"Will you just tell me what this is about," I asked. "I clearly don't know."

"I had Inej follow you last night."

"Kaz!"

"You were hiding something from me," he tried to explain.

"So you sent someone to watch me? That is incredibly invasive!"

"She saw your trick," he continued. "The sunlight in your hand."

I felt frozen. The motion at the bar suddenly made sense to me. Inej was firm in her beliefs. Private, but firm. She saw me and thought that I was the saint that the stories were about.

"How did you do it?"

"I... I just can," I shrugged. "You think it was a trick."

"I know it was a trick," he replied. "The sun summoner wouldn't hide away in Ketterdam."

I took a deep breath. "My parents paid for me to get here. They knew what I was. They knew what would happen if the Grisha got their hands on me. It was meant to protect me. I kept my head down. I stayed quiet. Worked with you for money because it was the safest choice I had at the time."

Kaz didn't speak up. He didn't truly believe me. Not entirely. I wasn't surprised by that. Kaz had trust issues when it came to normal people. Never mind... someone like me.

I took a step away from the desk. I let a ball of sunlight form in my hand.

Kaz slowly walked around the desk. He studied me, stepping in a small circle around me. He was looking for the trick. The effect. Some sign that what Inej had seen was wrong.

He stopped in front of his desk again.

I closed my hand, scuffing out the sunlight.

"You are never to do that unless in the presence of me, Inej, and Jesper. Understood?"

"I know how to hide," I replied. "I've been doing this for a long time now."

He just nodded to me.

I kept to that agreement as best I could. I never showed my gift outside of my room. The only time anyone else saw it was when Inej came by, begging to know if it was all true.

She tried to praise me. Call me a saint.

I didn't let her. I begged her to not see me as a hero because I wasn't one. I had no interest in being one. All I wanted was some semblance of normalcy. She respected that.

My agreement with Kaz didn't crumble until I saw it as absolutely necessary.

He had told me to join him to get through the door of some place.

He had been doing that more and more. Having me work directly by his side. I had no interest in questioning it, but I did notice it.

It had been going well. However, the number of guards had been greatly underestimated.

The only part that I truly remember was one of the guards choking Kaz. His cane had been thrown across the room from him. I didn't have the physical strength to stop the guard. I knew that.

So, as if on instinct, I threw a ball of sunlight at him.

He fell to the ground, allowing Kaz to lean back against the wall and catch his breath.

I ran over to grab his cane. I walked over slowly, holding it out to him. He snatched it from my hand, an angry look taking over his features.

"Are you alright," I asked.

He didn't bother with my question, instead posing one of his own, “What the hell were you thinking?”

“That you were about to die."

“You could have gotten yourself killed, hunted! All that you have claimed to have been terrified of!”

"You would truly rather die by the hand of your own stubbornness than ever thank someone for their help," I rolled my eyes.

"You agreed to never use your powers around others! I don't need you to save me!"

I scoffed at him. “Kaz, I understand that you think you’re invincible, but please believe me when I say that you are nowhere close.”

“And you are?” he stepped closer to me.

“Would you like to compare a list of things that I could survive versus what you could survive? I really don’t think you would because you would end up quite embarrassed!”

Kaz’s jaw clenched as he merely continued glaring. As if he were stunned that I had the nerve to yell at him the way I did. To question his power and control and leadership the way I did.

“I hate to tell you this, but you have people who care for you, Kaz Brekker,” I continued. “There are people that actually don’t want you dead. Let them help you. That’s why you have a crew in the first place.”

"Don't claim to be my savior."

"Don't claim that you never need to be saved!"

The silence after that was tense. He was angry and the boss of the whole gang. I was angry and able to scorch the earth beneath his feet.

"We have work to do," I finally muttered, walking around him.

"What happened to keeping your... affliction a secret," he asked as I did so.

I stopped at the door, turning back to him. "If the choice was letting you die or exposing my secret, then the choice would be you. Every single time."

There was a long pause before Kaz spoke up, "Why?"

There was another, even longer pause. "Is it not obvious?"

His face didn't shift. Not at all.

I had some feeling in my chest that he knew the answer to his question long before he asked it. Maybe he just needed the personal confirmation. Maybe he wanted me to say something entirely different so that it would bring some comfort. Allow him some escape route from his own feelings.

"Can we go now," I asked.

He nodded. "Fine."

Kaz may not have believed in saints. But I would like to believe that some part of him believed in me.

And that was enough for me.

---------------------------

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[thoughtsthatgounnoticed]

Can we please collectively cry about Colin’s speech to Penelope in Episode 8? 😭

It’s almost been a week of mourning since the end of Season 3 and I’m now at my final stage of grief - Acceptance. As emotions subside, some of us will be rewatching S3 and may have a change of heart. Despite the issues I had with S3 P2, I’ve realised there is so much to love about Polin in S3.

Every season Bridgerton delivers a swoon worthy love speech/confession, but Colin’s actually made me cry and had me reflecting on what type of love I want for myself not in my fantasies, but in real life.

It was tender, loving, and romantic. Borne out of his vulnerability and sincerity. I know many wanted the book confession, but this one suited Pen and Colin so well thematically. Colin, who up to this point, has had to grapple with the LW revelation and that means acknowledging feelings of betrayal while experiencing forms of jealously, self-reflection, and love, while letting go of his hero complex, speaks with so much adoration. It evokes a sort of passion that is gentle and quiet, but delivered with unquestionable conviction and belief.

It’s more realistic than dramatic, more grounded than grandiose. He speaks with such reverence and humility to the person he loves - a true moment of softness and calmness, not of anger or desperation. I only wish the show allowed us to be more privy to his thoughts or private character moments, because the realisation of his feelings that is now reflected in his words would have been beautiful to see.

He even says that IF he was to only live with the sole purpose of loving Penelope he would be fulfilled. It’s of course hyperbolic, because we know he has purpose and passions outside of his love story whether that be in his writings or travels, but it paints an incredible image of immeasurable deep devotion. Kind of like when you say you love someone as deeply as the UNIVERSE, or that you will meet and love them in EVERY lifetime. Or even on the other end of the spectrum, when you say you will never love this person even if they were the LAST person on earth! It’s a figure of speech that is limitless.

I also love the simplicity of Penelope’s response. To praise someone for something as pure and as simple as their goodness is so beautiful. Penelope, who has always been moved by Colin’s gentle goodness and kindness to her despite feeling unseen by society, is clearly touched. By letting go of his ego and hero complex he becomes a true hero to Penelope - a GOOD man that proudly stands beside the woman he loves. They could have used any other expression, but she chooses to value the goodness in him. It’s an interesting word choice!

I’ve seen some people think his speech is all about Pen and that devalues his importance or puts him beneath her. I disagree. Despite his insecurities, Colin (a rich man from a loving family) will always have an opportunity to find himself and his purpose, to travel, and to have a voice in society. In a society where men are privileged, Colin uplifts her to be his equal. He says he stands beside her, not behind her.

It’s just so endearing and I’ll be looking forward to seeing all the reflections people have once we take a breather. To be lucky in this fandom is to have seen your favourite couple grow and evolve across the span of 3 seasons - even if it’s not perfect, and with their appearance in S4 confirmed, we’ll get to see more of them - no matter the capacity in which they’ll return.

[dustylava]

English is not my native language, so, i'm so sorry.

You're marrying the man you love, even despite his reputation. And this man, too, loves you very much. And after the official acquaintance, his mother, too, was imbued with tender feelings for you. And in the end, you have a possessive stalker-husband, who always finds out where you are, literally by smell, and his mama, who is your obsessive yandere, ready to follow you anywhere. Oh, and of course don't forget about the reproductive pressure on you from both sides. Your mother-in-law really wants grandchildren. Grandchildren, that you will carrying and give birth to.

These two will blow away dust motes from you. Your husband will kiss the ground you walked on. Your mother-in-law will give you anything you want. They will do anything for you, just be a good, decent wifey, do as they tell you. Your husband tells you not to look in the direction of those people - turn away from them, look at him, smile at him, purr to him, how wonderful he is, and your husband will melt in your hands. Your mother-in-law is calling you to her chambers, to discuss something - go to her, let her comb your hair, let her try on her jewelry on you, thank her, for giving you such a wonderful son, and your mother-in-law will be in heaven with happiness. Look at them with love and care, tell them, how happy and grateful you are, to become part of their family, and these two will unleash wars, arrange an apocalypse, they will reshape it, as you want, and put this world at your feet. You have no right to make a mistake.

They will love you forever, they will always take care of you, they adore you. They will always protect you. They are your family, and you don't need anyone else. Except for your future children, of course. Although they love you in different ways, but do not bring it to the point, that mother and son will start compete with each other for your attention and affection. It will be worse for you.

Forget the people from the past, they never loved you. Don't think about that pathetic, soulless and lonely life. Now, you have a family, that loves and appreciates you. The family, you've always deserved. And if, suddenly, one of the members of your real and only family will be harmful to you - leave it to mammy, treasure, she will sort everything out. You can't trust your husband with this kind of work, mammy will do everything herself!

Aemond Targaryen and Y/n, too, a Targaryen now: quarreling.

Alicent: doesn't know what's going on, but there is not a pleasant feeling, that something is wrong.

Aemond: accidentally says something hurtful and offensive.

Y/n: "oh... So, that's how it is... Very well, whatever you say, my husband..."

Aemond: "my soul... That's not, what I meant... It just happened to slip out of my mouth, please, wait!"

Y/n: upset.

Alicent: "Do you want me to stuff his face?"

Aemond: "mother..."

Alicent: "And you shut up! Scoundrel, how could you say such a thing, to this innocent treasure?! It's very treacherous!"

Oh, and don't be surprised, that one day, when you succumb to their persuasions. To their very insistent beliefs, and when you agree to take care of the creation of a child, you will see your mother-in-law sitting peacefully in an armchair, opposite your marital bed. With a soft smile and approval in her eyes, she will be sitting there. No-no, don't pay attention to her, don't get distracted. She just wants to make sure, everything is done right. Oh, don't be embarrassed, dear child, of course she trusts you two, just, please, understand, grandchildren, heirs are very important. Who better, than you, can give her and her son a beautiful, strong and healthy legacy. She's just so worried about you, what, if something goes wrong. And you, her dear son, don't be snide. You know, what is needed from you, so, come on - work, son.

[marjoch]

YOU’VE GOT MAIL

a jayvik au!

early updates on ao3 @ josmarch

CHAPTER THREE!!

Christmas came and went. Jayce spent the holiday home with Mel, who hosted her mother in town for two nights. Mel insisted on redecorating the guest bedroom just beforehand, so Jayce had been in charge of putting together the furniture, and therefore he was behind on his project.

It was harder to keep up with AIM while the festivities were going on, but Jayce did his best to sneak away in the evenings and continue the ongoing conversation with Tinkerman. Things went back to normal by Monday. While Mel was working late, Jayce was on AIM.

I hope your holiday season is going well. It has been hectic on my end, but I have missed our conversations. NY1972

Tinkerman was on the computer, because a message came through shortly after.

It’s been the same for me, and I have also missed our conversations. Do you have any New Year’s resolutions? Tinkerman

I hope I can achieve some of my goals this coming year. I have a lot of potential growth, if I utilize it. I’ve got a great opportunity that I can’t let slip through my fingers. As much as New York gets on my nerves, I am not going back to Seattle. What about you? NY1972

I find I have a hard time speaking my mind. It has always been easier to be passive, but I know I could lose my business if I don’t stand my ground. Tinkerman

Jayce read over the messages, and thought of what to say. He never had a problem with assertiveness — he was confident in his beliefs, and he would defend both those he cared for and himself the same.

I think I speak my mind too much. Maybe I can give you some of my ability, and you can say whatever you like, and I can keep quiet when it would benefit me. NY1972

Tell me how to make the trade, and I’m there. Tinkerman

The wording made Jayce ponder once more who this internet stranger was. Jayce decided to test the waters of their growing friendship, holding his breath as he typed and barely breathing after it was sent.

Would you want to meet? NY1972

On the other side of the screen, Viktor was at the computer in his living room. He immediately closed the chat window, staring at the now-blank computer background. He stood up and went to feed Rain, giving her pets in response to her rubbing up against his legs. Then he took a deep breath, went back to the computer, and logged back into AIM.

When are you free? Tinkerman

With effort, he was up again. He leaned on his cane as he looking through the bookshelf on the opposite wall, as if a new book would appear and stand out beyond the others.

The notification came through. He didn’t even sit down, peering down at the screen.

I could do tomorrow evening. 6pm? You pick the place. NY1972

Like it or not, Viktor’s stomach turned, and not in a negative way. He’d never felt like this before, and he certainly didn’t expect it over an internet stranger. He lowered himself back into his chair, thinking. Too much time had passed before he had a coherent response, but he figured it was better late than never.

6pm is great. There’s a local coffee shop I like, I’ll send you the address. Tinkerman

He followed up the message with the address to the coffee shop, and waited idly for a response. When he didn’t get an answer, he logged out of the chat and pushed down his feeling of disappointment. He spent the rest of the evening going over his research, constantly working despite his need for rest.

In the Upper West Side, Jayce was already in bed next to Mel, having sent his final message before she came in through the door. He felt bad being on the computer around her, and he was still trying to decide if it was a general respect for her presence or some sort of guilt for the feelings he couldn’t deny. He found it hard to sleep, so he poured himself extra coffee in the morning, rising before Mel had already left. He never saw her these days.

He had the news on in the morning, playing from the kitchen as he got dressed for work. He could faintly hear something about his father’s recent business successes in Seattle.

The address for the coffee shop Tinkerman chose was somewhere in Brooklyn. Jayce felt relieved, because it would ensure he could make it on time without worrying about crossing half of the city during rush hour. There was a second message waiting for him:

Heading to work early. I’m not sure if you got my message, but I’ll be there tonight. Bringing a red book so you know how to find me. Tinkerman

I’ll be there. NY1972

Viktor wouldn’t see the last message, because he was dutifully working away on his current project. He was stuck on the neuroscience aspect of it — he could make mobility devices all day every day, but if he didn’t know how to connect one’s brain to the structures, it was useless. At this point, he didn’t need more funding, he needed a better facility.

“Planning to take a break anytime soon?” came Sky’s voice from the office doorway. Viktor didn’t so much as look up.

“In a little bit,” he responded, oblivious to Sky’s concern.

“You’re not working at home again, are you?”

Viktor shrugged, still focused. Sky had grown used to his conversational indifference. When he was working, he was impossible to crack. “I can’t work tonight anyway, I’m going out.”

“Oh really?” Sky’s tone changed, curious. “Is it this man you’ve been talking to on instant messenger?”

“No,” said Viktor, too quickly. He realized his error and sighed, finally looking away from his work and turning to Sky. “Maybe.”

“Ooo, Viktor’s got a date,” said Sky in a sing-song voice.

“It’s just coffee, not a date,” said Viktor, rolling his eyes as he went back to his equations.

“Coffee in the evening? He must like you a lot.”

“He has a girlfriend, I’ve told you this.”

“So? Plenty of closeted gay men have girlfriends.”

“Thank you, Sky,” he said. “I’ll let you know if I need anything.”

She shrugged, still amused. “Alright then.” She turned and left the doorway, pulling the door almost-shut behind her, and going back to work at the counter.

Viktor continued to work steadfastly until closing time came. Sky was ready to leave at 5, but Viktor decided to hang back.

“The coffee shop is just a few minutes from here, I’ll just work until then.”

Sky sighed in exasperation. “Sounds like an excuse for you to fall asleep here again, ‘on accident’.” She used air quotes for emphasis. “You have to stop overworking yourself. It doesn’t do you any good.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” he said, shaking his head. Sky left with that prompt, and Viktor returned to his desk until it was time for him to pull on his coat, grab the red book, and head down the street.

6pm came and went, and Viktor sat at a table in view of the window. He saw many faces come and go, and wondered if each entering patron may be NY1972. He found himself becoming anxious over different possible outcomes. But what did any of them matter? He was an internet stranger.

Jayce was on time, palms sweating more than he would admit. He looked through the big window in front of the coffee shop, eyes searching for the red book that signified the presence of Tinkerman. He found it: on the table of a brunette man who was all too familiar.

Taken by surprise at the sight of Viktor, Jayce made the controversial split-second decision to continue hiding his identity as NY1972. That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to talk to Viktor, though.

Viktor had heard the bell on the front door ring. He looked up see none other than Jayce Talis, who seemed to be casually queueing to order. Viktor immediately opened his book and tried to hide behind, pretending to be interested in the pages. His act failed, because Jayce’s voice was close when he interrupted.

“Is anyone sitting here?” Jayce asked, hand on the back of the chair on the opposite side of Viktor’s table.

“Yes, actually—” began Viktor, but Jayce was already sitting down.

“I’ll just hang around until they get here.”

Viktor was annoyed. “I’m actually busy.”

“Busy reading a book?” Jayce said, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” responded Viktor, still feigning interest in the book. He flipped the page as if to prove his point, not making eye contact with Jayce, who took the book out of his hands and closed it. Viktor was visibly frustrated, taking it back and flipping through the pages. “You made me lose my place,” he huffed.

“Do you regularly come read at coffee shops at 6pm?”

“Do you regularly bother people who don’t enjoy being in your presence? Or am I special in that regard?”

Jayce scoffed. “What is it about my presence that you dislike?”

Viktor closed the book, and made direct eye contact with Jayce.

“I think you think you’re better than me. Maybe you think you’re better than everyone else. You act as if you’re owed something, but you’re new in town. You’re out of your league, and it’s bringing the rest of us down.”

Both of them sat in silence after that: Jayce stunned by the accusations, and Viktor finished with his explanation. When the silence was broken, it was by Jayce. “Alright then,” he said, standing up. He pushed his chair back in on his side of the table. “Good night.”

Nothing else from either of them before Jayce turned and left. Viktor remained at the shop for another hour, expectantly waiting, and left when they started to close.

Upon getting home, Viktor started up the computer. There had to have been a valid reason why NY1972 wasn’t there. Disappointingly, there was nothing waiting his return.

In the Upper West Side, Jayce was intercepted by his girlfriend, who was intent on having a serious conversation. During the course of this conversation, Mel explained that her job was taking away from their relationship, and she was planning to campaign for re-election. When she suggested they put their romance on hold, Jayce felt a surprising lack of disappointment, instead filled by a sense of freedom.

The next morning, Viktor went to work without logging into his computer. He was determined to focus today, because he had a growing list of tasks to complete before his invention progressed. He must have seemed different despite his attempts, because Sky sighed when she saw him.

“How did it go?” she asked, with obviously low expectations.

“It didn’t go,’” Viktor was monotonous as he unlocked the front door. Sky pushed it open and held it for him.

“He didn’t show up?” Sky said, sighing. “I’m sorry, Viktor.”

“It’s not a big deal. He’s just a stranger on the internet.” No efforts could make Sky believe him.

“Maybe he got into a car accident,” she offered. “Or maybe he got sick, and his internet went down, and he couldn’t message you.” She got out the duster and started cleaning the shelves. “Maybe he’s super ugly, and was scared to meet you because you’re hot.”

“He doesn’t know what I look like.” Viktor shook his head. “I’m going to work.”

The work day flew by. He spent the entirety of his time tirelessly researching. Sky insisted on locking The Shop up herself to ensure he went home and rested. He let her have the keys for the night, just to get her off his case.

When he got home, he spent time with Rain, and ate his first meal of the day. He couldn’t resist the urge to check AIM, despite his persistent frustration about last night. There was a message awaiting him, much to his surprise.

I’m sorry about last night. I’ve caught some sort of illness, and I didn’t want to spread it to you. I should have let you know, and for that, I apologize. I hope you don’t hate me for my absence. NY1972

Viktor felt relief. While a message would have been nice, he had feared NY1972 was done speaking to him. He typed out a response.

It happens. I hope you are feeling better today. Tinkerman

Jayce sensed the tension in the short response, and did his best to make up for it by continuing the conversation.

How have you been? Hopefully you are doing better than I am. NY1972

I’m as healthy as I can be. I think my New Year’s resolution is coming to fruition early. Yesterday, I was able to say exactly what I meant, and it didn’t feel like I expected. I think I much prefer keeping my thoughts to myself. Tinkerman

Assertiveness is a double-edged sword. You are very level-headed, from what I have gathered. You shouldn’t feel bad, I’m sure whoever it was deserved it. NY1972

That made Viktor feel better about his exchange with Jayce last night. It was nice to have someone on his side for once. He appreciated Sky, but she was about all he had before this internet stranger.

I have work to finish, but I’m glad to hear from you. I must admit your absence caused me to wonder if you wanted to continue messaging. Tinkerman

Working late proves you are as dedicated as I have imagined. Best of luck, and let me know if you need anything. NY1972

Viktor logged out of AIM, then. He spent the rest of his night doing just as said, falling asleep at the dining room table with his work littered about the table. He dreamt of Jayce Talis again, except this time Jayce was on the other side of the computer screen. When he woke up to Rain purring and nudging his hand for her breakfast, he couldn’t put the thought out of his mind.

[dunaldoodles]

Bc I have no experience animating but wanna share it, I have an animatic idea.

The song is Unstoppable by Teminite. The beginning portion is all Hornet, struggling to survive, going between loneliness and heartache and fear and violence defending herself.

Starting at 3:48, its this scene, but wordless.

Tiso, approaching Hornet after a fight, tears down her cheeks, barely keeping together. Doesn't look up at him as he sits beside her, doesn't move when he comes closer.

Hug happens at 4:00 exactly, she breaks down and cries...

4:12 they both freeze, and realize they're surrounded by wild animals. Still upset, Hornet gets up and grabs her needle, and Tiso gets up to join her. They start fighting verbally.

4:25, the animals pounce! They work together, in perfect sync, with the lighter Hornet launching off Tiso's shield to wrap prey up or skewer things, and Tiso throwing his shield to Hornet to have her boomerang it back to him between bashing and cutting with its blades. The entire time they're still obviously screaming at each other.

4:34, Tiso makes a remark of some sort in sync with the guitar, one that gets under Hornet's skin, and she screeches back with the synth and leaps back into battle!

4:50, Hornet gets struck HARD, and goes down. An animal leaps for her, jaws wide, only for Tiso to come in and bash it into the ground. He's backed into a corner, but refuses to give up, hitting things in time with the beat as the guitar takes over.

5:00, Hornet attempts to get back up, holding her bleeding side, only for Tiso to shove her back down and snarl at her to stay down. It catches her off guard enough to sit there and obey.

The rest of the song is Tiso finishing off the rest of the animals, covered in scratches and blood, but victorious, and the last note he looks back at Hornet not in anger like she expects, but with fear, anxiety, worry that he could have lost her in her stubbornness.

The song really makes me think of them. Most of the time, they fight, either playfully, or with intent to hurt the other, but they're part of the same pack. They're family. Brother and sister.

Part of my Weaver's culture is a belief in soulmates, but it's less like a romantic thing and more like... drift compatibility from Pacific Rim. It can be lovers, yes, but its more often mother and son, siblings, best friends.

Hornet never found her soulmate. She was abandoned at a young age to the Infection, forced to fend for herself before she was even into double digits. She finds her soulmate not in another spider, but in Tiso. He is not so much the part that completes her, but the bug who forces her to better herself, physically and emotionally and mentally.

It works both ways, since he carries the shield of his friend that he lost so long ago. He never thought he would find someone like that again, and then he came across this dusty old husk of a kingdom and its guardian princess.

Its almost like poetry in a way.

I hope to finish that second sketch someday.

[biblioflyer]

Nosferatu (2024) takes its Occultism at least as seriously as it’s cinematography.

Exhuming the Spiritual Assumptions

Spoilers ahead (naturally)

One of my guilty pleasures is The Exorcist Files podcast. I don’t really buy into its extremely Catholic spiritual warfare worldview. I am at least a little bit skeptical about the veracity of the stories being recounted. I am both Scully and Mulder on the occult. I find it endlessly fascinating and am very much willing to engage with believers seriously and respectfully but try as I might to develop any sort of consistent religious or spiritual practice, in my core I just don’t exist in the demon haunted world. I believe there are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in my philosophy but it’s all so very ineffable to me instead of inerrant.

Right off the bat (or as Matt Berry would say: BAT!) that leads me to my first complication, caveat, and interpretation. Namely that the very heavily Catholic informed worldview of the Nosferatu setting may just be the framework that the characters are using to understand what is happening. This being a variation on The Dracula tale more or less played straight, the audience also would tend to bring that assumption with them. However! I think the role of Willem Dafoe’s character is to push back on the reflexive assumption that capital E Evil exists as a supernatural force therefore Christianity is empirically correct.

Nosferatu weaves around a couple of assumptions largely by neither proving nor disproving them. The trope of a Vampire being repelled by the cross for instance is never tested. The people living in proximity to Orlok’s castle clearly believe this but for all we know they are only situationally free of his power because he has no specific desire to hurt them. Same with hallowed ground. The priests and nuns believe Orlok cannot threaten them but is it beyond question that Orlok actually wants to finish off Thomas?

A couple of recurring themes in demonology are legalism and the need for witnesses. Orlok covets Ellen but his mind has become fixated on dissolving her marriage to Thomas and her willingly giving herself over to Orlok. For the most part the Abrahamic religions treat evil as something that must be chosen. A good many millennia of spilled ink, schisms, and even spilled blood has centered around the question of what it really means to choose and the definition of informed consent. For Orlok’s purposes Ellen seems not to have had sufficient agency to properly choose as a legal child in her society but he could court her until she came of age to be legally and metaphysically responsible for her choices. Alternately it’s possible age was irrelevant and he instead simply lacked the means to bring her to him or go to her until he established a connection with an occultist who had the resources to arrange everything.

Regardless, to some degree Ellen must have agency but Orlok can leverage her by threatening her loved ones including Thomas. Once he escaped the castle, Thomas was more useful as leverage alive and given the belief of the exorcists that Orlok still had influence over Thomas, Orlok may even have subtly pushed him to return home to make it easier for Orlok to locate Ellen if she continued to reject his overtures and collected herself enough to shut out Orlok as she had up until Thomas’ departure. Orlok certainly didn’t put a lot of effort into ensuring that Thomas was really dead and one interpretation of Thomas’s experiences with the exorcists is that Orlok would have been aware that Thomas was alive and could track him down in the material world if he really wanted to badly enough.

Evil’s Prime Directive: Likes, Shares, Subscribes

Which does bring me to witnesses. In Christian demonology specifically while Evil hates Creation generally and Humans in particular, destruction and ruin for its own sake is rarely a primary goal. So while Orlok as an alleged disciple of Belial in life and probable demon incarnated into a body (more on that later) desires to reap Ellen’s soul and brings along an army of plague rats for good measure, there is no point to any of this without survivors to bear witness.

Destroying isn’t enough though, the true objective is to get people to doubt the existence of a just and loving God. According to some like Father Martins of Exorcist Files fame, through a lot of hand waving the real real objective, as dictated by an all powerful God, is to use Evil to remind people that little sins lead to mortal sins and thus they should stay on the straight and narrow and remain under the protection of God.

This is where my inner Crowley would say “And you call me the bad guy!” while Aziraphale throws up his hands and says “It’s ineffable but it must be good, because God is good.” Which is how the formerly henotheistic Israelites and their descendants wind up quietly reintroducing dualism into their monotheism by retconning most of their God’s more wrathful deeds as having actually been the fault of a certain ex-prosecutor turned eldritch terrorist and his gang of personified concepts of wickedness and a few pagan gods who got laid off when their pantheons underwent consolidation and “right sizing.”

Ahem. Sorry. I’m being cheeky, I actually think it’s all very interesting and as a consequence I lose patience with people who don’t understand the history of their beliefs but not because I want to refute them but because how is it not fascinating?

So since Evil’s prime directive is to have someone acknowledge how cool and awesome it is, Orlok wouldn’t view Thomas as a loose end. If Orlok doesn’t need to kill Thomas, then Thomas would be in some sense an accidental missionary. While the Romani hunt vampires and try to warn unwary travelers, their apparent willingness to try to, if not mollify then bait, vampires is useful. Their belief in a supernatural evil and the specific customs they have developed to protect themselves also separate the Romani from more “sophisticated” people whose lack of direct contact with monsters and overt magic cultivates a sense of superiority over superstitious peasants. The maintenance of plausible deniability is also a practice attributed to Evil.

Up to this point I’ve tended to describe Orlok in largely stereotypical demonic terms. The reason being that Orlok presents very different in many respects from more traditional representations of Dracula and even the more bestial depictions of vampires. Orlok himself identifies as “an appetite” when Ellen questions whether he is even capable of love. You are free to read melancholy into this if it suits you to humanize Orlok. I myself view him as a being with very little humanity and is more of a set of base urges with the ability to develop somewhat sophisticated plans to serve those urges but there is little to nothing about him that is able to stray too far from his hungers.

There’s one other scene where I think you could argue Orlok shows a bit of humanity and it’s perversely when he’s being maximally petty. That being when he insists on being addressed as My Lord. As an alleged disciple of Belial, this has a metaphorical meaning and a literal meaning. Belial is an example of one of those concepts that got personified over time as subsequent generations translated the original texts and added their own flourishes. Originally Belial was a description. A slur even. It meant to be worthless. So Orlok in pledging himself to Belial has in some sense given himself a cosmic demotion when his earthly rank was count. Which he would have almost certainly thought was also a divine mantle.

Being a vampire seems like the sort of thing that might seem like a promotion but there’s a lot of suffering that comes with it. More so than the classic Stoker or Anne Rice version. For starters to the extent he is even still the same person, he’s Damned with a capital D and that is portrayed as sucking a lot in the Abrahamic framework. Just the knowledge that they can never be in Heaven or in the presence of God is supposed to be a torment but that tends to get deemphasized because it’s not as relatable a motive for wanting to ruin the world when the audience is flesh and blood and maybe asks uncomfortable questions about global floods and why have a fruit bearing tree if you don’t want people to snack.

So let’s remember why Vampirism sucks in other ways:

There’s an argument to be had about whether he’s a damned ghost haunting his body that hungers for blood as a condition of his continued existence: the feasting upon blood and his other comorbidities being the burdens he must accept for extended life. Life beyond death in an embodied state for humans being a fundamentally unnatural state and thus requiring sacrifice to maintain the equilibrium of nature. So he makes periodic blood sacrifices and in doing so, is alienated from society still further as if being a literal corpse that cannot abide the sun was insufficient.

My own feeling is that the glimpses of Orlok the person may just be the semi petrified remains of the memories in that body, a body being used by an avatar of the Deadly Sin of Gluttony. The vacated body of a former disciple of Belial being a compromised vessel but one that allows more exercise of power over the natural world by virtue of being so alienated from the natural world and obligated by its hungers and nature to confine its activities to a fairly limited range: it can do almost anything it wants towards spreading terror and ruin but can’t take a night off to enjoy a play.

This entity likely being a demon and not being capable of appreciating art or beauty for its own sake. Orlok or the entity wearing his bones didn’t fall in with the wrong crowd and vaguely saunter downward. Traditionally Abrahamic demonology doesn’t allow for demons who are merely just kind of bratty and ask too many questions, blurry lines between good and evil tend to invite a return to henotheism or, gasp, polytheism. A thing other Christians have been accusing those who pray to Saints of for centuries. This is not me implying Catholics are polytheistic mind you, I don’t have any stake in delegitimizing Catholicism and even if I did, treating polytheism as a slur wouldn’t be the hill I’d die on.

A Chronicle of a Dim World but Not Necessarily Pure Darkness

I did say though that I think Christianity was possibly not empirically correct in Nosferatu but rather the framework that everyone involved was interpreting things through. Everyone except Von Franz. Okay I’m just going to refer to him as Willem Dafoe from this point on because he’s such a Willem Dafoe character. He doesn’t automatically assume Ellen is crazy nor does he blame her for anything. His comment about how she could have been a priestess of Isis in another age I think is very revealing about where he draws his ethical lines. I think it’s implicit that he doesn’t think it’s Ellen’s fault a malevolent presence latched onto her when she seemed to have a natural gift for walking the spirit realm in dreams but absent any tutelage or cultural context for managing this ability.

By the Christian paradigm, Ellen has messed up big time and probably irredeemably. Traditionally it’s not good to have dissolved your marriage and pledged yourself to a demonic being whom you then perform a pseudo sex act with. The Abrahamic religions, as traditionally practiced, aren’t very sex positive when it comes to women nor is there much of a concept of spectrums of consent and coercion invalidating sexual and spiritual relations. Traditionally practiced is a phrase doing a lot of work and oversimplifying a lot when it comes to thousands of years and billions of practitioners. Norms obviously varied quite a lot across eras and regions.

Dafoe taking up her cat and staring into the dawn though is rich in hopeful symbolism. Cats got a bit of a bad rep in certain periods due to their tendency to be looked upon fondly by pagans. On the other hand, they were often looked upon fondly by pagans. They’re often portrayed as wise and associated with magic. Plus, and this matters in the context of a plague spread by rats, they eat vermin. If the bodies are piling up, stray cats are on the side of the angels doing their part for humanity one meal at a time.

Given how much Ellen adored her cat, one could say perhaps it’s invested with a measure of spiritual power and is more than just a symbolic surrogate for Ellen. Regardless, I think the context points to Ellen’s sacrifice being both literal and metaphysical. She sacrificed her life and also nullified her sins too. So Van Hellsing, I mean Von Franz may be visually representing a spiritual intercession where Ellen has been snatched away from the Pit.

To get a little Gnostic, Willem Dafoe may be basking in the light of knowledge. He’s seen behind the veil, made testable assumptions, and proven them. Ellen is being taken up to Heaven, Orlok is back in Hell, and Hermes Trismegistus is proud of his star pupil. Although this is truly Ellen’s tale and Ellen’s victory while Willem Dafoe believed in her and kept the well intentioned white knights from getting everyone killed by interfering with an unorthodox solution they’d no doubt object to on the basis that it was super icky. Although in their defense, I consider myself a pretty enlightened 21st century man but I’d probably try to talk my partner out of it and be a bit of a pest if she told me we needed to get divorced so she could shag a demon to death to save not just my life but the lives of untold thousands.

In the finest tradition of horror heroines, Ellen was a hard woman making hard choices and in sacrificing herself she took a groomer demon of pestilence and hunger with her.

And maybe, just maybe I’ve over complicated all of this and it’s just a metaphor for how bad women have it with online dating where the astral plane is the apps and Orlok is a creepy dude who becomes obsessed after an underage girl is nice to him once.

Epilogue: Again, with all due respect to the character, this would have been my humble suggestion for a hidden bonus track on the soundtrack.

[the-good-bad-truth]

Oh Right! Support a guy who threatened suicide over a phone call with his then gf and is on tape saying the N word. He also justifies his attraction to minors by saying Axl Rose and Jimmy Page did it so it’s ok. That’s disgusting.

Good job!

Really, find Peace. And maybe a little bit of brain.

Alright, then you want me to play into your little rage bait game. Ok. Let’s play this game then.

First, I want to correct some of the things you mentioned. The threatening, black mail suicide thing. Idk if you have ever experienced someone w/suicidal thoughts or is such in a bad, dark mental space that they are contemplating leaving this earth, but I hope you never do because it is one of the most sick to your stomach, heart shattering things. I have had thoughts like this since I was 13 and it fucking sucks. But I have grown to like some parts of living enough for me to stay and Colson may have felt the same way. One of these happy parts for him, could have been Megan, you know the woman he loves and had come to him as some sort of savior and healer in his life. But yeah, let’s act and pretend that he was doing some American psycho, Ted bundy level manipulation. Ok. that makes sense at least in your story.

For further context, his father that he had a strained relationship had just passed and he had not at this moment reconnected with his mother. So, he was alone, lost, no parents for him to lean on and heavily intoxicated. So, one would say that he called the first person he knew/thought of that could help him or ground him back to earth. Would you prefer he called his young daughter or rather a grown woman who is used to as per said in her Poem book that seems capable/or at the very least more tolerant to men with these issues.

Next, the N word. If you are referring to that one old, 12/14 years ago grainy, bad sound clip where it possibly sounded like the word, I have to ask what does that have to do with anything, really. Cuz I also remember the interviewer that was standing right there had come out and said that he did not say it. Regardless if he did, he has said in 2020 that if anyone is racist and a supporter of his to fuck off and burn his music, cuz he does not fucking care for them. But ok. 

Oh and the minor shit. Yes, was that stupid and completely inappropriate that he had said those things when he was 19/20? Yes it was. He is an idiot for that. But he has come out and said that he is ashamed and embarrassed of the things he said in the past. 

So, don’t try to use this as a gotcha moment for me or his fans. We know he has done stupid shit that I am sure he deeply regrets. And as far as I am aware, his REAL fans call him out on that shit or any other stupid things he does. What confuses me is that Megan fans/supporters refuse to do the same.

Let me use my brain for a minute. Megan fox, a woman who shames other women, feels threatened by other women, sexualizes bisexuality (a sexuality that already faces a lot prejudice in the queer community, some holding the belief it is not real at all, it is either straight people pretending, or they are just gay) for her own benefit, uses Japanese/Ukrainian woman as a silly little joke. Megan fox who did not talk about roe v wade until everyone else did it to fit in, who says world problems do not concern her unless they directly affect her, who did not wear a mask until she was hacked and then the very next pap photo was rocking one. Which is weird cuz she has three young boys who could have gotten sick, an ex-husband who had severe health issues and getting covid from her and her constant, unnecessary travels could have killed him or his new pregnant gf, Sharna could have also gotten it.  A woman who profits and benefits solely on her beauty while there are other actors/actresses that actually have to showcase and prove their talent/worth to get a role. Shit, a woman, a mother who refers to her son as a kamikaze (suicide pilot) or knowing that Casie (Colson daughter) was going to be on tour with Colson (her father who is a hated man) and what did Megan do? Oh, just post backstage passes that held sensitive information where some lunatic that was crazy enough could have copied and snuck backstage when she was specifically told not to or to wait until the info was covered up to post. But no Megan had to show us her breast implants, so fuck it, right? 

One last thing, He is a bad, racist, PDF, sad excuse, manipulator and abusive person to Megan. Then tell her to leave. Right now. Text her, go in her comments or something and tell her to leave him. He’s a monster, Right? Go, Save her, Save Jennifer. Get off my blog and go help her.

And you sent this to me at 2:37 am. Come on. At least wait till after I have breakfast.

[evavertun]

thinking about the sweet nothing we know about dorlene in canon.

trying to extrapolate a lot from the little that is marlene “they got her whole family” mckinnon and dorcas “voldemort killed her personally” meadowes.

so marlene presumably comes from a mid-to-large family—highly respected within wizarding society for their resistance to voldemort. hagrid himself places the mckinnon’s (along with the bones and prewetts) among “some o’ the best witches and wizards of the age” that died resisting voldemort’s rise.

we know so little about dorcas, on the other hand, that she does have this compelling, almost haunting solitariness. i am increasingly drawn to imagining her to be half-blood and/or an orphan. there's something deeply fascinating about the fact that voldemort usually reserves personal killings for those he sees parts of himself in—though that’s a whole other conversation.

imagining a marlene whose seeming righteous sense of social justice is somewhat a second hand thing. she's been raised in all the 'right' values by the standards of wizarding society (perhaps the mckinnons are a little bit like the potters? far from supremacists and generally pro-muggle but purebloods nonetheless).

imagining that growing up her family helped compose a liberal faction of the wizengamot and her grandad gets on with dumbledore. imagining her family (a bit like the weasleys the second time around!) to sort of just... fall in with the order by association before they really know what they're in for with the war.

there is (understandably) so much exploration of how family values could radicalise a young person into a DE but less on how family values could tie a teenager to fighting in the resistance.

thinking about 15/16 year old marlene who is deeply insecure but hides it fairly well. left to her own devices, she doesn’t know what she stands for beyond parroting her parents’ beliefs. she’s just going through the motions of what she’s been taught is “correct.” i imagine she’s terrified of disappointing her family, of doing the “wrong” thing—whatever that might be.

perhaps she starts to unpack some of this as she grows up. maybe through a friendship with lily (and something more-than-friendship that’s one-sided with mary).

thinking about her meeting dorcas.

dorcas who doesn't have her shit figured out either but who gave up trying to prove herself to anybody but herself a long, long time ago.

a dorcas who believes she's the only thing in life that she can control. a dorcas who has had to navigate institutionalisation and the bigot breeding ground that is slytherin house. a dorcas who is too young to be this jaded who stopped seeking external validation a while ago. she’s never had the privilege of relying on anyone else to validate herself.

and that survivalist mentality is dorcas' strength and her weakness in wartime. she's grown up believing there’s a price for every good or bad deed, and no one else is coming to clean up your mess.

thinking about a dorcas who knows every score must be settled personally.

so yeah, thinking about marlene longing for dorcas’ sense of self even though it was forged in fire. thinking of dorcas seeing an earnestnestness and a sweet oddity in marlene that she can't even see. thinking about marlene learning to love herself, learning to love in this open and personal way that fucks with convention, with gender, with pureblood tradition…whatever. you name it.

thinking about dorcas in turn finding her 'family' in marlene... her life’s companion… cause maybe they are queer-platonic for most of their short time together.

maybe dorcas and marlene have kissed as more than friends and fucked as more than friends and live with each other in a little place with mary as more than friends.

thinking about dorlene being brave as hell but scared to try and to deepen things, scared of losing the sanctuary they have found in one another.

thinking about them both waiting to talk about it until after the war.

thinking about no love being lost in the waiting for a safer world they never got to see.

[insomnicbypasser]

Hiiiii speaking my thoughts on a certain thing about the newest limbus event make sure to avoid incase of spoilers! I am offically yapping about rodion in this one also so be warned.

You know im constantly thinking about rodion and how she just, doesnt have a yurodivy identity. Its always been a thought in my head how every identity that we get in the game is a possiblility a sinner could have gone down, not just an overlap with exsisting characters. They are afterall from mirror worlds.

Theres n corp sinclair, who gave into his inital disgust of prosthetics and went fully into that realm of dark. The pequod captain ishmael who found herself an almost exact mirror of ahab, fully taken by the madness to hunt what she deemed to be the root of all evil that we saw and the later portion of her canto. Literally most of dons identities share a similar theme of her going into an organization and having her beliefs tested as shown in her n corp, w corp, and her shi association ids.

So why didnt rodion get a yurodivy id instead of her t corp id? The opportunity was right there for the taking, however there was somethings stopping her from getting it. There was the fact that she felt like she did anything to help in actually catching the time ripper, so she didnt get a district 20 yurodivy id bescause hong lu and ryoshu were ACTUALLY like them with their detective work, however i dont think its like that as seen above several sinners have gotten ids that directly go against their current arcs ie: captain ishmael and n corp sinclair. I also think this is the same reason she got a TAX COLLECTOR id of all things, finding herself not only stagnating but also becoming the type of person she would havr MURDERD in cold blood previously.

To me there are two reasons project moon is holding back on a yurodivy id for rodion. Either A: theyre saving it for a theoretical redo of rpdions canto, this time where she actually stands her ground to fully face sonya and give him her true awnser on where she stands, most likely telling him she'll be following the path that dante is leading her down towards instead of the path sonya had laid out for her with the yurodivy. With this she could potentially get either a id where she instead had taken sonya up on his offer, or the most interesting option where rodion had taken up the role of saint for the yurodivy instead of sonya in a sort of captain ishmael or spicebrush yi sang type of id.

And then theres option B: where rodion has yet to get a yurodivy id because there arent any plans to give her a yurodivy id because in EVERY mirror world rodion is always destined to give up her life with the yurodivy. Maybe there will always be a reason for her to leave, a flaw she can never let slide, maybe even a feeling she wont ever address that she wasnt and wont ever be for the yurodivy because they were never ment to be, either they were never doing enough or she could never be enough.

I havent read the book rodion is from, i dont know the first thing about rodions journey through it. All i know is that rodion is a gambling addict, he kills someone, and that sonya helps(?) him get past his vices and sins and even then none of that might not be true i have no idea. What i do know is that in limbus company, rodion has had the constant need to be something. She tried to lead a life in the yurodivy to feel as though she was doing something larger then herself, and when she felt as though they didnt meet her expectations she decided to take things into her own hands and when she looked back on her decisions, she couldnt even tell who she had done them for or whether she was only acting apon her base selfish desires. Then she joined limbus company bus, supposedly to maybe have a wish granted, but also because maybe in this group of losers and vagabonds, she could finally take a large role then what she felt she had when she was in the yurodivy, maybe she could finally make use of her time instead of this rotting stagnation she had been suffering from since she left the yurodivy. But then they fail in their first two missions, she sees sonya for the first time in a while as she plays her first major role in a mission and he is the cause for her failure, even extending an olive branch to her and a place back inside the group she had so quickly left behind when things didnt go so well for her. Then they finally start seeing successes but they come at great losses, being forced to face your traumas, to kill your previous loved ones, to give up your entire motivations for the sake of moving forward and finding your place in the world.

And then we come to t corp itself, rodion finds herself being hand picked for a mission that surely other sinners are more capable of completing. Rodion has lost some of her previous confidence in her place in the bus. She didnt face her trauma like sinclair did, she didnt fight against sonya with all her might like yi sang had, she didnt push through her flaws and learn from her behavior like idhmael and heathcliff had done. Rodion ran, and she hadnt even gained anything from it.

As the event went on, we saw slowly as rodions compossure dropped, especially when the yurodivy got involved. We got to see rodion start to look back on her decision to leave the yurodivy when she interacts with them in district 20. She questions herself as soon as she sees that they actually managed to make something of themselves, that if she had actually been patient they would have been able to give her the kind of change that she had wanted in her life.

Her struggle to define what she wants and how she wants to get it is so interesting, it seems to me like rodion is constantly setting bars too high, either for others or herself, never wanting to settle her bet always wanting to push just a bit further and always crashing hard when she looses it all. The case of time killing time is showing the cracks in her resolve, and i think that eventually itll all come to a boiling point where shell get a rerun of her canto.

Anyways thanks for coming to my tedtalk every single one of the sinners make me mentally ill in ways i will never recover from, not just rodion. Trust me i WILL be making a 20 page essay on don once her canto is fully out i will NOT be normal about her. Sorry if i got a bit off track btw this was absolutely a full character study mostly on rodion rather then being me talking about the new event like i said and had quite a bit about me talking about how i think ids work inuniverse beside being things dante can use on sinners for combat. ALSO! If anyone can tell me how rodion and sonya are in the book it would be cery appreciated! Knowing about how moby dick, wuthering heights, and the metamorphsis play out really shaped my experiences of their cantos and id like to see how its themes played into canto 2.

[empressgeekt]

Trolls - Parental Guidance (Brozone's Parents part 1) Backstory.

Okay this will be a post on my headcanons and backstory for Brozone's parents, and extend family. I'm naming them Jubilee (mom) and Branch Sr. (yes, i headcanon that Branch is named after his father). How they lived, how they fell in love, how they started how they died.....yeah this is going to tear jerker. First it's going to be a backstory post, and then I'll make a what if they survived post, set it FOF based on the vote I put out a few days ago.

Let's start with everyone's favorite grandma! Rosiepuff! In her younger years she worked as a seamstress while running a card playing ring on the side. She fell in love with one of the local baker's boys as a teenager, and they were married young. Her husband was a deep ocean blue troll with bright indigo hair, and pale eyes, named Johnathan. Together they built their family in the mid-branches of the trolls tree, and had two girls. Jubilee and Lotus. Jubilee was the older daughter, and shared many similarities with her father, both physically and personality wise. They both loved music, Johnathan playing an old acoustic guitar while Jubilee sang, and sharing dreams of escaping the tree, finding somewhere out there was that safe. They were happy family.

Until Johnathan was killed working on the escape tunnels. It was the first attempt at escape in years and Johnathan was going to make sure it was going to happen. However, the trolls in charge of the tunnel design didn't really know what they were doing and eventually there was a cave in. Johnathan died fighting for his family's freedom. Jubilee was only 12 and her life changed forever. She stopped singing and her Daddy's guitar was left to gather dust, from then on she was determined not to lose anyone else. She kept up with escape plans and always made sure the pod was ready for a disaster, she never went out to parties or concerts. Lotus' relationship with her crumbled, as they both entered teen years as they clashed from Lotus being more a free-spirit that didn't want Jubilee's protection, calling her crazy. Rosiepuff did her best to keep her family together, but there was only so much she could do, Johnathan was always better at fixing fights. She gave Lotus the space she thought was needed and tried to Jubilee to enjoy her life a little.

"Mama! How could i think about enjoying my life when I might not even have it by next year! I need to keep you an Lotty safe, make sure Daddy's life meant something!"

"Jubilee! Don't you say that. You're Daddy may not have gotten out like he always dreamed, but that didn't mean his life meant nothing. His life meant you, me and Lotus. He had something more important then freedom from this dang cage, he had love. That's all I want for you junebug."

Let's jump to the other side of the family tree for a second.

Branch Sr. was born an only child to Norma Tigerlily and Dorian Meadowlark. Their family lived in the lower branches of the troll tree due to a lack of income, and were at further risk of getting snatched. Their home wasn't all that happy. In the beginning, it was okay. There was always this sort of underlying tension between his parents, due to them having differing beliefs, his father being a strict traditionalist worried about how they appear to others, while his mother was more internally minded only really worrying about how actions will effect the family's wellbeing. However, usually this conflict would remain in the back ground, until Branch Sr.'s first day of school. The day goes fine for the most part, all trollings, whether from the tree top or lower Branches attend the same school, so everyone of his peers were present. Including one little, Jubilee.

Music class always started with a singing test, just to see where each trolling was, it wasn't even that necessary since most trollings could instinctually sing. Jubilee had been a perfect example that day, her voice was stunning, and Branch Sr. couldn't take his eye off her, already in love without knowing what it was. But at his turn...Well...lest just say the teacher and his peers were less impressed, while the picture frame shattered. Branch Sr. couldn't sing....and from there things took a down hill turn for him. After all, a troll who couldn't sing, was hardly a troll at all.

Tensions raised in Branch Sr.'s home, his parents continuing to fight. His father wanting to continue singing lessons in the hopes his son could be remotely "normal", and not put the rest of them in danger. While his mother was more supportive trying to help her son express himself in other ways, she teaches him guitar and how to dance. Both of which Branch Sr. excels at.

When he turns five tragedy strikes again. After a particularly bad blow up between his folks, Branch Sr. runs from the pod and hides in a knot in the bark, what he forgot was Trollstice was the next day. Branch Sr. wakes up to heavy footsteps and people screaming. He stays curled up in that tree knot for hours, scared to move, and when it's all over...his home is gone. The pink and yellow pod was ripped in half, and no parent comes to his cries and screams.

The next roughly decade and a half is a hard life for Branch Sr. He grows up as a street rat, stealing from market venters for most of his meals and living in the half broken pod. Sometimes the parents in the other low hanging tree branches, would take pity on him and let him in during a storm or give him dinner. However he never stuck around one family for long. They always grew tired of him. He only had one friend, a little orange trolling, by the name Peppy, who was notoriously bullied for his squeamish personality, and massive case of stage fright.

He grows up to have this "se la vi" attitude about life, what's the point of working towards anything if it all ends. The other trolls enjoy his company, simply because he knows how to turn up a party, but he still feels like an outsider since he's never able to join in music. Then one night as young adults, Peppy takes him to a restaurant with a karaoke stage, naturally he is not enjoying it, but he isn't the only one who isn't having fun.

Jubilee was also dragged to the event too, by Princess Daisy (Poppy and Viva's mom), after a day of stocking up on suppiles and making food for the tunnel diggers, rather then sleeping off her hard day of work, her only friend decided to drag her out in to the open for a night of fun. She is also not enjoying the night. This draws the attention of some orange troll with pink hair, who knocks his table partner, and mentions that someone else might be more miserable then him. Jubilee did not take kindly to that, sure she knew the others saw her as a kill joy, but she wasn't going to put up with being picked on in public. Somehow she enters a bet with the Green trolls with pink curls that if she successfully got a round of applause from the crowd then he had to actually pull his weight, rather then just lounge around, and go help in the tunnel construction. She wins the bet rather easily, though she feels sick afterward and goes home.

Branch Sr. did not recognize Jubilee initially, in however when her hesitant, yet stunning voice rings out the venue, he's bewitched. It had been nearly 15 years since he heard that voice...and it was just as beautiful as it had been when they were kids, just more filled out, more mature. He has to see her again, so he doesn't complain when he goes to work on the second tunnel system attempt. Jubliee might be banded from digging, buy she still gives out lunch and supplies to the trolls who can.

By now the miners have stumbled upon old mole tunnels and think they might lead to the outside. Branch Sr. Isn't interested a5 first but Jubilee volunteers behind her mothers back. He goes after her. They get trapped outside of bergen town after falling into a worm hole and while trying to get back to the tree to the seeds of romance begin to blossom. Though it isn't without bumps.

Branch Sr: you know I don't get your over obsessive need to do things perfectly.

Jubilee: im not obsessive! I just have a drive unlike some lazy tree knots here!

Branch sr: I'm not lazy! I just don't see the point of working myself to death when I'm just going to get eaten one day!

Jubliee: if you worked hard to escape then we wouldn't have to worry about that

Branch sr: escape? Escape when?! There have been so many attempts at getting out of that tree! I can count on one hand hiw many have been successful . What's the point!

Jubilee: maybe I'm not fighting for myself! Maybe I'm fighting for my family and for anyone esle who can't! Don't you want to fight for your family!?

B: in case you haven't noticed Missy jubilee I don't have a family!

J: but you could!

B: please no one wants a troll like me.

J: no one wants mister party animal? They call me a party pooper.

B: no one wants someone who can't sing. They call me a freak.

J: then I guess we're not that different...

by the time they find the mole tunnels to get back to the tree, they are structurally unsound. And collapse as the make there way back to the troll made ones. They way to freedom is lost once more, and they return to the tree, though Branch Sr. does ask if they could hang out from time to time. Jubilee says yes, though they both refused to call the hang out dates for a while.

Rosiepuff was a little hesitant at first, but she did approve of the match once she saw Branch Sr. playing guitar and getting her little girl to sing again. Lotus straight up did not approve, and nothing Jubilee or Branch Sr. could do would convince her.

Maybe six months after the whole tunnel incident, Branch Sr. finds an Egg in his hair. They are both terrified. Branch Sr. fears that the baby will be like him and Jubilee is worried about raising a child in the tree. Branch Sr. tries to give her an out by offering to breakup, but Jubilee shuts that down, claiming he isn't the problem! it's the environment they were stuck in. They actually consider possibly getting rid of the egg to protect it from being born in the tree.

However Rosiepuff steps in at that point, "Now I understand that you're scared and you have every right to be. But we've been dealt these cards and we'll make due. If you don't want to raise this munchkin, either leave them with me or the orphanage. Yes this is inconvenient, but this is not a mistake. They're a surprise, and nothing more."

Eventually they decide to keep the baby, and Rosiepuff moves Branch Sr. into their pod, not wanting her grandbaby to be hatched in the half broken pod Branch Sr. had been living in since his parents were taken. John Dory is hatched, happy, healthy, and to his father's relief singing before his first birthday. Since were already living together with a baby, Jubilee just goes ahead and proposes. Might as well make their situation official. While wedding planning, Branch Sr, finds himself pregnant once again, though this time its and internal carrying. It's another surprise, but they can't help but shrug. They have one kid what's one more.

Sadly, while Jubliee and Branch Sr, are building their family, Lotus and Rosiepuff's have been falling apart. Lotus started courting Brook Bell-Blossom, a troll who was rather full of himself, and never treated Branch Sr well due to his lack of a singing voice. Now Rosiepuff could put up with a lot, but she wouldn't have infighting between her daughters and their partners, especially with a baby around. This tension rose until a big fight broke out between Rosiepuff and Lotus, and Lotus left to marry Brook, never contacting her mother or sister again.

Spruce is hatched right before the wedding and both boys are in attendance as their father's best men, along side Peppy who had began to court Princess Daisy. They managed to wait about two years before, Branch Sr, finds another Egg in his hair, and Clay is born. With Floyd coming into the picture two years after Clay, with Jubliee carrying him internally. However while Branch Sr managed to carry the first three to term no problem. Jubliee suffered several complications leading to an early laying and hatching. Floyd was born small, and his parents stayed up many a night making sure he didn't stop breathing with his under developed lungs.

For the next nine years they were a happy family, and each of the boys took after their mother in terms of musical talent, though Floyd did ask Branch Sr to teach him guitar. Then one morning, Jubilee wakes up to an egg in her hair, and even they were like "okay we need to stop". While they were happy to receive a fifth baby, this was a little much.

Sadly however they would never get to meet their youngest. Shortly after the egg detached but before hatching, they get snatched by the chef. Royal Bergen weddings were required to have a troll flavored cake so no one was ready when the cage around the tree was opened. Branch Sr would try to fight off the chef giving Jubilee and john dory the chance to run. Jubilee stuffs her eldest into a tree knot and hands him his youngest siblings egg before going back to trya and save her husband.

...they never come back...

----

Well here's the back story of the brozone parents in my aus. Sorry this took so long to come out. I was trying to figure out the plot, making it cohesive and all that. Hope yall enjoyed, and I will try to make a 'what if post' on how Jubilee and Branch Sr. might have survived from getting taken.

[goldfish-afterhours]

Realization Upon Termination

-- aka Diluc hunts down Childe in the mistaken belief he had killed his brother

Characters: Diluc, Childe x Kaeya

Type/genre: Bulleted headcanons, angst(?), comedic at the end i guess

Warnings: Not proof read at all

A/N: This is acc my outline for a fic I was gonna write but I still haven't written it 2 years later so I'm just posting it like this lol

Kaeya doesn’t come to the bar for a long time. Diluc is used to seeing his annoying face everyday, and despite how many times he’s kicked him out, Kaeya always comes back the next day, so Diluc’s given up 

Recently, he had been coming in with his boyfriend, Childe, a Fatui Harbinger deployed to Mondstadt. 

Childe was only in Mondstadt for a short period of time, and every time Childe would visit, Kaeya would seem a little brighter, his laugh would be a little louder

Diluc, of course, hates Childe. Not just because he’s a harbinger—but it’s a reminder that Diluc himself is alone, while Kaeya was able to move on and be happy with his life

Despite all that’s happened, this is when Diluc is jealous of Kaeya. Diluc has his money and family name, but he’s inexplicably tied down to them while Kaeya is free to do whatever he wants. It’s only when he’s roaming the streets at night does Diluc feel free from his chains of being the esteemed Ragnivindr Head. 

Childe and Kaeya visit the bar one night. Kaeya is as easy-going as always, but Childe seems off. He doesn’t drink the alcoholic drinks Kaeya buys him, and seems to be pushing Kaeya to drink more, drink more.

Diluc wants to step in, but he feels odd doing so. He never showed much care to Kaeya before, and it’d seem weird if he did now, so Diluc just watches it happen. 

The next night, however, Kaeya doesn’t come to the Angel’s Share. Diluc thinks that perhaps he’s on a date somewhere else with Childe, when Jean comes in, asking him if he’s seen Kaeya

Diluc says he hasn’t. It turns out Kaeya did not show up for work that day. She went to look for Childe to ask him, but Childe wasn’t in the Goth Hotel. None of the Fatui were giving her any answers either, and were being weirdly defensive about Childe

Rosaria, who was drinking at the counter, mentions seeing Childe just outside of Mondstadt, alone, bow in hand without his gloves when she was heading to the bar. She thought it was weird, but didn’t say anything to him, as he was leaving Mondstadt. However, she tailed him to Whispering Woods, where he just seemed to be going on a leisurely walk, so she left.

Diluc’s first thought is that Childe must have done something to Kaeya. He sets down the glass he was polishing and grabs his claymore. Jean asks him if he’ll need backup, and Diluc refuses, saying this is something for him to do

As a brother? As the Darknight of Mondstadt? He wasn’t sure

The sun was starting to go down. Diluc scored the Whispering Woods but found no sign of the harbinger. It’s only when the stars could be seen in the sky does Diluc find him, wading in Starfell Lake. 

“Ah...so the big brother’s found me.”

“What are you doing?”

“What am I doing? Well, you could say I’m erasing the evidence. You know, water washes away all sorts of things.”

“Where’s Kaeya?” 

“Hah, well…who knows?” 

Diluc takes out his sword. Surprisingly, Childe doesn’t want to fight him, saying he was tired and wasn’t in the mood for a fight for once. 

Diluc lunges at Childe, filled with anger, not only at him but at himself. 

Why is it only after everything is over does Diluc realize what he actually had?

Kaeya was trying to mend his relationship with him, but Diluc was too absorbed in what he had lost that he didn’t realize Kaeya was the only family he had left 

Diluc knocks the harbinger to the ground, water splashing as he falls. 

“Such a protective older brother, aren’t you?”

“You…you bastard…”

“Well, can’t say I blame you. If Tonia ever argues with her boyfriend in the future, I’d want to beat him within an inch of his life as well.”

That’s when Diluc stops, claymore above his head in mid-swing, confused. 

Suddenly, Kaeya appears from the woods, having been sent by Jean and Rosaria after he walked into the Angel’s Share later that night, wanting to be comforted by alcohol 

“Diluc, what are you doing?”

“...avenging your death?” 

Childe laughs, explaining that he was looking for calla lilies and fishing for Kaeya as an “I’m sorry” present 

“You thought he killed me? Really? I may only have one eye, but I certainly don’t have that bad an eye for men.”

“He’s a harbinger. There’s nothing about him I can trust.”

The night ends with Kaeya and Diluc helping Childe back to the cathedral for first-aid (for his hurt feelings)

Diluc and Kaeya’s relationship still feels a little strained, but perhaps Diluc has the Fatui to thank for helping him realize what he still had