#[[ he just doesn't know how to process it ]]
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ruenii · 10 days ago
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i made myself cry but whatever!! WHATEVERRR--
SJ reincarnates as a baby and is now SY's little brother. Imagine how much whiplash he has when he's showered with so much love and adoration. His A-Die loves to carry him when he goes to read or work in his office, his A-Niang always sings lullabies for him when he goes to sleep and buys him so much baby clothes.
But his siblings are by far the stickiest, his first older brother and second brother were a bit distant; as they inherited the family business. It doesn't make them any less affectionate!! in fact, it makes them more clingy and want more time with their new youngest!! His Shijie, Shen Jiu thinks, is very outspoken. She's a top student and a social media influencer with thousands and thousands of fans. She always took pictures of him and dresses both of them up in matching outfits whenever she makes a video or a post.
and, finally, his San-ge; Shen Yuan. He was a bit of an outlier, always at home, rarely ever visiting the family, and preferred to just read novels or consume media to pass the time.
Shen Jiu, at first, thought it was a bit pathetic. Why is his San-ge only lazing around? their other siblings are successful and actually did something with their lives, while he was just wasting away!
He papped Shen Yuans head with his baby hands for that a couple times when the other tries to cuddle him close.
Turns out, Shen Yuan absolutely adores his little brother, that he'd actually try and visit the family just to see him. (Shen Jiu isn't preening at that, he isn't.)
Shen Yuan loves his snarky little brother, he loves that they both have a love for papping people on the head, he loves that cute glare he does when he's angry, he loves the pretty jade eyes he has, he loves his small, chubby, little fingers. Shen Yuan was absolutely smitten!
The rest of his family are happy that he got out of the house for once, and visiting them more often too! No more forcing their mei-mei to drag him out!
And Shen Jiu (albeit begrudgingly--) admits that, Shen Yuan is his favourite. He likes it when Shen Yuan visits the family more, he likes it when he gets to be carried by him and drool all over him because he's a piece of shit, and he loves it when Shen Yuan- or- his Yuan-ge focuses all his love on him. He's a territorial baby okay? No one gets to have his Shijie's and San-ge's attention more than him.
Shen Jiu grows up in a family that loves him so much it aches him, but he wouldn't have it any other way. He would burn the heavens if it meant keeping all of them safe.
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deadpoets · 7 months ago
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How much of him is there in me?
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fairylando · 2 months ago
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i really do admire how lando tries to not give a fuck (that 'whatever' really saddened me so much) but he actually does, and a lot.
guy doesn't even want anything absurd, he just wants the support of his team for the last fucking 4 races but no... let's just get humiliated for one point on international tv💀.
they're really stretching him thin — and i mean it in a emotional and mental wellbeing way. he is obviously inherently selfless and quite literally does not hold self-esteem, but in the last year we've seen him trying to be more sure of himself and trying to be selfish for once. the moment he does that though, he gets accused of being the spawn of satan. and then the team does everything in the world to make it harder for him.
so i really do admire him, because i literally would PERSONALLY leave the sport after this one season.
he's so much stronger than i am.
#im not saying he's not fit for the sport#but like his very dear friend carlos#it feels like he not only keeps his heart on his sleeve#but he also gives it away so freely in a sport full of rabid dogs that want some fresh meat#and he gets really hurt in the process#i relate to him so much bc of this#im not joking when i say his 'friendship' with max is nearing the end#and the team is not even mean they just don't get that when they have championships on the line YOU UNFORTUNATELY HAVE TO PLAY FAVORITES#we got lesser teams doing it from the getgo when they have no reason to💀#and suddenly mclaren doesn't know how?#is it really that hard??#landino#lando norris#brazil gp 2024#rambling#it all started from hungary btw they really set the mood there and its been... foul#it's not even oscar's fault#he is a competitive teammate#he has every right to race#does lando really have anyone atp?#and yes yes i know they're rich billionaires they get paid for this#still doesn't mean they're insensible or immune to feeling betrayed or deceived or just sad bc they trusted someone#and he's a scorpio too so im SHOCKED about how he handles this#ALSO HE GIVES TOO MANY FUCKS#and he rightfully doesn't even give the blame to anyone but himself most of the times when i'd argue that it almost never is#your team is supposed to be your backbone in your first actual fight for the championship... and even after all the years of constant work#and points he brought#not even when finally the car is competitive they can actually do their job and support their driver that is the top contender?
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theloveinc · 1 year ago
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There's a lot of validity in the idea that older Bakugo is a traumatized pro-hero with major PTSD... but you know what's kinda fucked up to think about? The fact that Bakugo is also a 22-year-old pro-hero with major PTSD even before that, too.
It's almost easy to imagine that things are actually better when he's older (the therapy finally a routine, the trauma long set and on the path to being healed)... and that it's his whole 20s that are spent as a pool of disaster trying to recover from the war(s).
He looks back and barely even remembers being twenty, much less twenty-five or twenty-seven. Barely remembers how little he slept, not at the hands of trying to balance hero work and getting a degree at the same time, but just out of the pure insomnia that came from trying to move on and every nightmare attached.
Hardly ever showering, never shaving (not that he ever grew much of a beard, but the facial hair was definitely there. There's pictures of him on the news with an awkward, grown out haircut and patches on facial hair that make him look positively... immature), barely even eating more than a few protein bars or an energy jelly drink-a day. It's a blur, and his friends are hardly there to pick him up out of it because they're all going through it, too. Somewhat.
It's definitely weird if you meet him during this period. He's not all there, at least, not all of the time. He doesn't really register your interactions, the friendship you extend to him (a younger, or ever older, version of him would've shown you that deep seeded ferocity in response, tried to bite the hand that fed him, even if it were love... but 20s Bakugo... doesn't seem to notice). Even though only one of his eyes is clouded over, the good one never seems to brighten up.
There's definitely moments when the old him shines through: when he's with Deku, when he's in the midst of battle, when he finds out that Todoroki still does a shitty job at chopping scallions. But it's a long time before he's even close to the same, able to step out from underneath the fog of simply surviving and into the sunshine of recovering.
But I think sticking through it with him is worth it.
(It's a weird moment, a happy moment, the first time you realize that Bakugo has changed. That the pouring rain outside hasn't bothered him since he showed up at your apartment. He forgot his umbrella, he's been quite careless ever since the war—wet and shaggy hair frizzed up, cheeks red from cold—but he doesn't seem to mind, with his bare feet up on your coffee table, his eyes gazing out the window. You hand his tea, and instead of gulping it down in one go, letting it burn in his throat, he winces at the heat.
"Tastes like shit," he says, and you laugh because it always does. Just this time, he noticed.)
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thedevillionaire · 2 months ago
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come to me
His relief at seeing her is tangible, primal, as he quietly insists he’s just tired – the relentless intensity over the last week, or two, or even dear gods has it really been three finally easing up. Although maybe, in its own way, that easing was part of the problem.
He says it’ll pass soon; he knows there’s no hiding it but he’s hoping that’s the truth, and the last thing he wants is to worry her.
He doesn’t quite succeed.
With a frown of concern, she watches him take his coat off, an unspoken exhaustion laced through his movement as he increases the hearthfire’s intensity, and she passes him the steaming cup of jasmine tea she’d made for herself only moments ago. He gratefully accepts its welcome small warmth with a soft thanks, love, and she doesn’t miss the edge of congestion in his consonants, nor the dullness in his usually intensely vibrant eyes, the encroaching hints of pinkness to his nose.
They take a seat together on the couch and he puts the teacup on the table, apologises to her for all his absences lately, sniffles at first softly then harder, sharper. At his catch of breath she passes him a tissue, and quickly another, as his expression crumbles in surrender to the recurrent insistent need he’s been unable to shake: urgent, unforgiving and imperative, the vestiges of his energy rip-torn ravaged as he hurriedly turns from his beloved, unable to fight it, sneezing in urgent, violent triplicate – heavy, throat-tearing, disorienting.
Her heartwarm blessing is a cherished sanctuary as she trails gentle fingers through his hair, drawing him closer, and oh she always loves his touch but he’s far too warm, the thickness in his breathing impossible to miss. She murmurs soothing softnesses, presses a lingering kiss to his forehead, and holds him a little closer as
“Ahh-HEHHTSShhuu!”
she’s not sure about this passing soon at all.
---
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lgbtlunaverse · 4 months ago
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While rereading mdzs I am once again shocked by how talked about the "you were the only mistake he ever made" line from Lan Xichen to Wei Wuxian is and how heated it gets some people because honestly... I don't think he actually even believes that.
Stay with me. Look at the actual line. (I Included 2 translations for comparison's sake)
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Firstly, yes he is mad at Wei Wuxian in this scene. But his biggest moment of anger was actually before this. By this point he's realized that Wei Wuxian forgot what happened after nightless city (and therefore ISN'T stringing along his baby brother on purpose) so he has in fact calmed down a bit.
Secondly, notice that he starts by talking about how his uncle felt. This is not Lan Xichen making a value statement about what he thinks. When he says Lan Wangji was proper and righteous he is talking about him being a model lan, he's talking about their family and clan's perspective of Wangji. Indeed, in their eyes, Wei Wuxian is the only time Lan Wangji was ever not the textbook perfect Lan.
Thirdly, what is Lan Xichen trying to say here? What is he mad at Wei Wuxian for? It's that he doesn't know Lan Wangji is in love with him. His anger is eased by realizing Wei Wuxian doesn't remember the very blatant confessions lwj made in the cave after nightless city, or Lan Wangji fighting his own clan elders for Wei Wuxian, and so had no way of knowing the whipmarks on Lan Wangji's back were related to him. But he is still mad, he still thinks Wei Wuxian should have been able to figure it out. So what does he highlight?
The fact that the only thing Lan Wangji, perfect model-Lan righteous Lan Wangji, ever defies his clan for is Wei Wuxian.
And Wei Wuxian has seen him do this! Even if he doesn't remember this one instance. Because Lan Wangji has been doing that the whole story through. Wei Wuxian has watched Lan Wangji blatantly stand against the entire cultivation world for him, and here Lan Xichen is highlighting just how unusual that is, how much Wei Wuxian must mean to Lan Wangji that he's willing to do that. The important part of the sentence here is not "mistake" it's "only."
Lan Xichen here isn't trying to say that he disapproves of Wei Wuxian, or telling him to stay away from his brother. Remember, the thing that made him mad in the first place was Wei Wuxian saying that he and Lan Wangji slept in seperate rooms. He thought they were together! He's mad because they're not!
At no point does Lan Xichen say he individually considers Lan Wangji's feelings for Wei Wuxian a mistake. If he ever did, it's clear he accepted them regardless long ago. Mistake or not, what he wants is for his little brother to be happy.
#mdzs#mdzs meta#lan xichen#For the record even IF he really did think of wwx as a mistake I think he's owed a moment of pettiness!#he's wrong but when i see people cite it as a major reason they dislike him i'm like... everyone in this novel is a war criminal#but frankly that's not so relevant because looking at the text... he doesn't think that!#he's consistently pro wangxian the whole story through. this speech is literally the catalyst to wwx confessing his feelings to lwj!!#frankly for a shovel talk – which it basically is– this whole thing is MILD. there weren't even any death threats!#also!! it drive me up the all when people mistake the intentional xiyao wangxian parralels in this scene as a personal dig on lxc#Yes! Xiyao and wangxian are foils! everyone seeing wwx as a stain on hanguang-jun's reputation but the venerated triad as an honorable bond#only for wangxian to end up happy and lan xichen with both his sworn brothers dead... that's the themes baby!!! can't trust reputations!!#but then people get mad like 'wow how DARE he say that when HE liked jgy!' that's the point!! miss mxtx did that on purpose!#Also lan xichen is VERY aware at this point just how much jgy lied to him! It's not like he's still in his a-yao is innocent era#He is LITERALLY a hostage! He is processing all of this as we speak!#he's less 'YOU are a mistake and i wish wangji didn't love you! unlike me who has never trusted anyone i shouldn't'#and more 'my entire life is falling apart right now and my little brother is the only one in my family who might still get a happy ending-#WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU???'
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worstloki · 9 months ago
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Another thing that makes Loki’s upset reasonable is that by Thor 1 Odin was already dying, and within the decade would die (as is mentioned, and as we see in the following Thor movies). If Odin ever planned on telling Loki about his origin why would he leave it till the literal end of his life. acting like he planned to tell Loki still makes it sound like he was waiting for his deathbed to do it. at best.
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lover-of-mine · 23 days ago
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Okay, I need to say something. I feel like everyone is looking at the Texas plot line with the wrong lens. Mostly because I feel like everyone is expecting Eddie to go as far as he usually goes, but something that's a key element of the fight club era and Eddie leaving the 118 era and everything about Kim is that Buck doesn't know about it until it's too late. It's so funny to me that Eddie says "you talk sense into me? That would've been interesting" because Buck is extremely effective in balancing Eddie's overcorrection tendencies, just look at the way that they handle the skateboard incident and the way that Eddie is ready to go nuclear but Buck actually balances him out and they figure out a better solution together. The fact that Buck found out about it before Eddie had the chance to do the thing he thinks he needs to do but doesn't really want to do is going to affect the outcome of the situation. Eddie actually moving to Texas is not a given because Buck knows. It doesn't matter how supportive or not Buck ends up being in the mess of his own feelings, the fact that he knows is going to change the way Eddie deals with the situation. I think that that will affect it in a way that he's not going to be able to follow through with it.
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starheirxero · 1 year ago
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For the record, I think soooo much about a potential AU where Eclipse really commits to the "false hope" plan and grits his teeth through every act because he's like "the more I seem genuine and the more they believe me, then the worse they'll feel when I finally stab them in the back!!" and every act of kindness he commits is under his idea of "oh man they're falling for my act sooo hard rn"
and then when he's eventually been completely integrated as at least a friend to the celestial siblings, he sits back and goes "man. now would be a great time to betray them right?" and then he finally looks at it all and realizes he doesn't truly want that now and he's just like "oh. oh." and is probably wildly conflicted and emotional about it
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blueskittlesart · 1 year ago
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do u have any navi thoughts from your oot replay
i've been waiting to answer this until I actually beat the game in my current playthrough because navi is another one of those characters that i think of in like a "set" with several other characters who serve relatively the same thematic purpose; in this case that purpose being the "mother" character, and i wanted to have all the characters in that set fresh in my mind. it's notable that while oot shows us very clear and consistent instances of the ways in which the adults of hyrule fail to protect their children, there ARE several adults who DO go out of their way to both oppose ganondorf and protect and nurture the children under their care. All of these characters are adult women, and all of them explicitly help the children out of some sort of parental responsibility or sense of duty towards them. in this group I include link's late mother, impa, nabooru, and navi.
all 4 mother characters, despite being adults or adult-coded, reject the inaction mentality which characterizes other adults in the game. they become either direct supports or shields to their children from the conflict the world has to offer them, and they are always explicitly punished for their interference--link's mother is killed trying to protect her son, impa's village is burned, nabooru is brainwashed. The mother's fatal flaw is that she will protect her child above all else, even in a world in which children cannot truly be protected. however, with the exception of link's mother, these characters manage to persist even in the face of her punishment, and this is where I think navi becomes the exemplary character.
Navi, after a lifetime of being link's only support system, the only adult in his life he could truly, consistently count on, receives her punishment at the hands of ganondorf--in the final battle, she is pushed out. she is unable to reach her child. she cannot protect him. However, BECAUSE link has grown up with her at his side, he is strong enough to take ganondorf down. and when ganon rises again, navi is there to support link, promising not to leave his side, and the intuitive targeting of that battle (a mechanic which navi is inherently tied to!!) makes it a cinch to win. Navi, and the other mothers we meet, are a reminder to the player that the world doesn't HAVE to be the way it is. Their persistence when punished, their insistence that their children ought to be protected, is a reminder that good adults do exist, and that good adults raise good children. link and zelda are able to win in spite of the adults who refused to help them, but also BECAUSE of the adults who DID. It's a reinforcement of the core theme of oot--that childlike idea that the world SHOULD be good and fair and if it isn't, it should be changed until it is. The mothers of oot are examples of what the world COULD be, reminders that it is possible to grow up without losing hope or growing bitter, and they are examples of the next step for the children they've raised to change the word--to continue fighting even in the face of punishment, to refuse inaction, and to foster that same hope and persistence in the generations to come.
#one thing i've really been noticing this time around is the specific way in which navi's targeting works#because even though other 3d games have that targeting mechanic navi's targeting is noticeably different#in two ways. the first being that she specifically targets weak spots in enemies almost as if she is pointing them out to link#and the second being that she is capable of targeting things link himself doesn't see#whether it be invisible enemies or triggers that are out of his reach or scarecrow points or whatever#it's really reminiscent to me of the way you teach problem solving skills to a kid. you see them struggling with something and beginning to#get frustrated and you say 'hey let's look around. do you see any solutions?' and if they can't see the solution themself you might point#and say 'hey what's that?' just to get their attention on it and help facilitate that train of thought for them#because like in most other games targeting is sort of assumed to be link's own intuition in battle#and therefore it will usually allow you to focus on one enemy within a swarm of them but it won't explicitly light up the weak spot for you#navi does that for link because she's essentially the mother teaching her kid how to problem-solve.#and when she's taken away in the final battle link is able to fight anyway BECAUSE she put so much time and effort into raising him#that he no longer needs her to facilitate that problem-solving process. he already knows how to beat ganondorf#because he's done it with her before. and that's exactly the mother's role in her child's life#protect him and raise him as best you can so that when you can no longer be by his side he isn't afraid.#foster that sense of justice and encourage him to keep fighting to change the world even when it seems unchangeable.#god. ocarina of fucking time#zelda analysis#asks
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i3utterflyeffect · 10 months ago
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genuinely though i think alan is very startled and worried by how much they seem to get injured and just. not do anything about it. he can't really see injuries or scarring from behind the screen but once he can he is EXTREMELY concerned by how many they have
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belethlegwen · 3 months ago
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The Stranding - Chp 74 - Aches and Pains
Good afternoon my lovelies <3 I hope you've all been well!
Can you guess what's the ache and what's (who's) the pain? :D
I'm being a little unfair, everyone is tense and on edge in a situation none of them were really as ready to face right now as any of them thought they were, but there are still aches worth examining and pains worth working through and figuring out how to soothe.
Thanks as always for reading and enjoying, I appreciate you all immensely and hope you're all doing as well as you can!
Loves ya a bunch <3
~ Belle
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chimerafeathers · 6 months ago
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there's an essay jumbled up in my brain about dunmeshi's beginning and how clever and deceptive it is as a sleight-of-hand trick that distracts the audience from the depth and scope of the worldbuilding and foreshadowing that's being set up the entire time by dangling zany characters and wacky dishes and biology fun facts in front of us, and how that serves to catch invested viewers off guard when those elements come to the forefront, but also how it works against it with other viewers wanting "more" and not seeing it because the plot bait isn't laid out up front
how people getting frustrated with the characters "not taking things seriously" is mirrored and refuted in the confrontation between Laios and Shuro. how the characters' attitudes aren't just a result of shallow low-stakes "comedy rules" where nothing matters, but are an extension of their personalities (Laios's nonstandard expression of emotions being offputting even to people he knows) and the world and social environment (adventurers being desensitized to death and injury because resurrection magic is commonplace). the way the party refers to "saving Falin" instead of "retrieving Falin's corpse," indicating that they still see her with full personhood, and how that phrasing leads to some readers/viewers believing that Falin is alive in the dragon's stomach, conscious of being slowly digested while the party carelessly fucks around "wasting time." how the weird tonal dissonance makes sense in-universe and yet is deliberately challenged more and more the deeper the party goes
all the character building and pieces of lore slowly weaving together the shape of the larger world, laying the groundwork for the major themes that will surface later. so much is right there in the "low-stakes" early episodes if you know what you're looking for (or pass the perception checks).
it can be so satisfying to see new viewers/readers pick up on the clues even in the earliest "simple" episodes, or notice new things and make connections yourself....and it can also be frustrating to see people dismiss oddities and dissonance as shallow or bad writing because they don't expect a "cooking anime" to have depth like that. why try to question and understand and peel back the layers when you don't expect there to be any layers?
why can't laios take things seriously for once?
#mypost#i'm majorly out of practice for doing any real critical cohesive writing lol#trying to put this into coherent words has been such a mess so here's a vague gesture at my thought process about it#it's both my favorite and the most frustrating thing to see#because i've seen SO MANY people say they dropped the show after a couple eps thinking they know what it's about and where it's going#a cute but ultimately unsustainable gimmick#people for whom the characters and the food/biology infodumping weren't enough of a hook#but i wouldn't change anything about the structure to put a more obvious plot hook in the beginning#because it would give the game away TOO much#i LOVE how the audience has to acclimate to the characters' attitudes about death#only for our assumption that it's all normal and fine in this world to be thrown back in our faces#how we're left to notice the winged lion appearing in statues and carvings and coins and armor in the background#long long before it's ever brought up as a real entity by the plot#the history of the kingdom laid out in plain view but nevermind that. magic painting food!#i've seen the language around falin and her resurrection cause so much confusion#but of COURSE the characters involved wouldn't directly say 'we need to get her corpse to revive it'#bc pragmatically they already understand that as their goal. it doesn't need to be stated out loud; it's just how this process works.#but also they don't SEE her as an object. a dead body.#they need to 'save her before she's digested.' 'the spell couldn't reach her in the dragon's stomach.' 'hang in there falin'#death isn't real to them. not really. and so it doesn't quite feel real to the audience either#not until they find her skull and that realization slams home#like......i keep comparing it to gravity falls#which is episodic and goofy in the beginning but also has a much more obvious plot hook to keep people interested#(a main character entering a secret bunker indicating that he's lying about his ignorance of the town's mysteries)#the main characters in gravity falls are AWARE that there is a mystery to be solved and are trying to find more information#but i don't think that approach would work as well for dm!#laios's goals were never that lofty. not until they HAD to be because the situation demanded it of him#it's the characters trying to solve one personal problem and finding themselves entrenched in something vast and dramatic#that they weren't even fully AWARE of when they set out. and we the audience are on that journey with them!#it's SUCH a good structure i wouldn't trade it for anything. but also. tragic to see people give up and dismiss it so fast.
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angelsdean · 7 months ago
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ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.
#it's usually when they randomly drop some line of fanon. like saying dean has never admitted to being wrong in his life#or never expressed an emotion or been vulnerable or doesn't Talk About Feelings or is super duper RepressedTM#like i'm sorry. have you watched the show. oh and have you taken off the sammy POV goggles first?#bc this guy is always crying and being vulnerable and talking about his feelings. he is self-aware.#he may not always want to talk to sam abt things! but he sure does talk about things with other people#do i need to reblog the compilation posts AGAIN?#(also re: his sexualiy? AWARE. sorry i saw him flirt and be flustered by so many men. he knows how he feels.)#and then 'first time ever admitting to being wrong' this one came from a post abt dean's prayer in the trap#like i'm sorry but first of all. dean apologizes more than any other character on the show. there are hard numbers on this.#people have tracked this on spreadsheets. i think ilarual is one of them.#and often he is apologizing for things that aren't even his fault! but he still feels responsible for bc he's been made to feel that way#his whole life!!#other characters *cough samandcas *cough* apologizing Less doesn't mean they've Done less things wrong#it just means they're not owning up to it and brushing it under the rug. something both do frequently.#anyways. aside from apologies. dean also has no problem admitting he's wrong y'know when he's actually wrong#which is less often than you'd think bc he has pretty good instincts and intuition and often suspects things which turn out to be Right#but anyways. another thing abt the trap prayer is. i don't think cas Needed to be forgiven#i think dean was justified in feeling angry w cas over the circumstances leading to the Death of His Mother! totally normal grief response!#i think cas also understands dean to be someone who needs time to process and deal with his feelings (he says as much to jack)#however. despite me not think dean Needs to forgive cas. the thing is. with dean when it comes to cas the forgiveness is implicit#when he says /of course i forgive you/ and in the cut like /of course i wanted you to stay/ like. yes he was mad and dealing with grief#but also. yes cas was already forgiven even back then. he just needed Time to work through the feelings#anyways i think dean says he 'forgives' cas bc it's what CAS needed to hear to stop feeling guilty and dean gives him that closure#but i also think cas was already forgiven even in dean's anger. he wants him there always. i'd rather have you. we can fix this. etc etc#a lot of tags for a non-rebloggable post ajksdfs maybe i'll make these into a real post sometime#vic.txt#dean and feelings#so i can find this all again later
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unproduciblesmackdown · 13 days ago
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also "textless" versions of these, wahooo
#corned beef#joe iconis christmas extravaganza#bsol#speaking of >:3 & >:3 third time's the >:3 in successfully slammed both up against the window of joe iconis's car (twitter @'d & Seen)#which is really just a :3 but whom among us (orchestra hit) is not a little impish with it#first year i did fanart like wouldn't it be fun if joe saw & liked this. second yr like Same plus it did happen last time#then also recency Fun Times bias sure but he did make it a frame in his End Of Year Good Times Celebration video like >:'3#yes i draw exactly what i wanna draw b/c it's some specific thing i enjoy that much so Yep that is the xmas show to me#so powerfully i was moved like ooh fun xmas villain wrole?? in '19 when i was paying attention & relieved of some bmc closure malaise#by the xmas show but obv Least aware / knowledgable lol. technically showed up in '18 around nov/dec but no chance Right then of tuning in#i mean i had the capacity but did not know it existed / even Less helpful preexisting context. anyway so by the time the show returns#& i've done research in between & gone my god i am i live laugh loving like Yeah i'll do more fanart & omg cyril & omg krampusfucking#able to ramp it up this year & like just thanks to Drawing Experience i'm better at forging ahead through thee process even when it's#extra ambitious like my god am i in over my head? well keep swimming for the surface like only several times going [aaa....] only to yknow#not be that tripped up anyway but still go [(celebrate) christmas!!! (with me)] & be like Do It For The Krampusfucking Gift#one post for another like lighting up my life joe just coming out like ''who wants clips. first up Full Cyril Fucks The Krampus number''#like jeez made that happen And passed it along....it's always the like epitome of my art like i make the specific often really niche stuff#i really respond to; does anyone else enjoy this? if yes; Wheeee; sometimes this is also ppl Behind the really niche shit i enjoy#like i truly hope you do get that kick out of it as i slam it up to the window; worth a Highlight Of Your Year or not#the power of [i do like to Draw the things i latch on to] + [internet] for you#really the bsol design even More an event in ''how did i even do this'' b/c even when planning to make it slightly easier like well#fewer figures; i'll use ink pen so i hone the lineart less than i would to precisely get [line weight mostly irrelevant] Line Geometry#yet still going ruh oh i'm honing for sure. but then like did Most of the lineart all in one night + all the coloring the next round#when i draw quite slowly / the Honing is virtually always an inextricable part of my process like i do Nothing in less than Hours#like i think even my freewheeling bsol sketches posted just this morning took me at Least an hour; judging by vids i played in the bg lol#not quite calibrated to have Attuned Confidence In My Ability To Forge Ahead thusly like oh no if i don't have Momentum or it doesn't#happen to be one of those times things just spontaneously come out great right off without more honing / consideration we're fucked....#not actually the case but yknow still realizing this lol But still able to just pat myself on the shoulder like It's Manageable & it is/was
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sanasanakun · 1 month ago
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Jimithon Mouthwashing is such a good representation of untreated, enabled NPD like it makes me want to squeeze the life out of him. I'm endlessly fascinated when watching him interact with his crew, surroundings, and himself because he's so fucking lost in his own sauce. It's insane. If I'm being real, it makes him my favorite character in the game.
It's a little scary to say, but watching Jimmy is like seeing a mirrored version of myself two years ago before I truly committed to treatment for my NPD. He's like a shadow. The opening line "I hope this hurts," which I believe comes from Jimmy right before the crash, is such a poignant statement. It's a simple line, but I can tell you from experience that the desire to hurt others when in a narcissistic rage is overwhelming. It's such a good line to sum up Jimmy's character in that moment. Luckily, in the real world, I had my friends and family there to catch me when I hit my lowest, even though I'd hurt them so many times. Jimmy probably could've used friends to force him into therapy (cough cough Curly cough cough)
#also I don't mean we're similar in any way when it comes to rape or SA. Please don't twist it that way at all.#I mean like in terms of the jealously resentment revenge hurting others to feel thrilled not taking responsibility not seeing flaws etc#I'm diagnosed with NPD also but pls know my experience will be different from others. We're all different people obvs.#also Jimmy has like wayyyyyyyyyy more things wrong with him not just untreated NPD lol#I would say that untreated NPD is a hell most can't describe#you barely feel anything except rage boredom and jealousy (in my case)#love is a form of ownership and control because you can't really feel it the right way#so your -person- is an object of intense obsession and also a tool for you#if that makes sense? I see that with Jimmy and Curly for sure#You want to tear others down and hurt them because it makes you feel good to put them below you#there's a constant feeling of insecurity and it drives you crazy fr#kind gestures from friends feel insulting#and oh my god achievements made by friends and family in my case feel like I've been shot like I hate when they achieve things#It's not logical obvs but that's something I instantly noticed in Jimmy so i was like .....oh brother lol#and also if they achieve something my brain needs it to somehow be tied to me or I'll make it tied to me so they can be thankful#they should always center their attention on me and if they don't I immediately resent them#these are just some of my thought processes on the matter so I can show the similarities I feel with Jimmy#the KEY DIFFERENCE is all of these thoughts I have are left in my head and not exhibited in my actions (any more. took a long time)#but he is such a nasty human with ZERO introspection that he prob never even thought about treatment#also doesn't help that the hot blonde he's friends with never did anything to help with that#idk sorry for oversharing but ahhh this game is so well written I gotta yap about it lol#also kind of a funny unrelated story to show how weird the achievement thing can be lol#my friends announced they saved up enough to go to Vietnam (their dream trip) and I was happy for them (I really was)#but of course my delusional ass immediately also took it as a threat#and I booked a month long trip to Europe a few days after so I could also announce it LMAO#that is a kind of innocent incident when compared to Jimmy but it just shows how annoying NPD can be#Jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#NPD
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