#[ i thought they closed it off nicely
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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A Florist's Least Favorite Holiday
Steddie || wc: 1.7k || rating: T || tags: fluff, this is a real thing that happened to me so I wrote about it
Valentine’s day is fucking awful. It’s the worst day of the year, and this year’s no different than the last five Valentine’s days Eddie’s worked in the floral shop.
Eddie’s stripped the thorns from over a thousand roses in the past two weeks, sorting them into buckets by color. The best part about his job is usually bringing a design to life, picking the perfect flowers to create an arrangement like a work of art. Yet somehow, Valentine’s day manages to suck the life out of that too, with little to no creativity between each one-dozen red roses arranged in a fake crystal vase.
Prepping over a month in advance, Eddie has taken almost four hundred orders for pick-up and delivery for the tiny, backwater town of Hawkins. They’re a small shop, with only himself, Chrissy, and Vickie as permanent workers. Thankfully, this year they were able to hire some temporary helpers to blow up balloons, make candy baskets, and take deliveries. Even with the help, that still leaves everything else to the three of them.
Regardless, he’s busting his ass. The newbies have left for both rounds of morning deliveries and the first round of afternoons. Chrissy’s working the counter while Vickie fields complaints. This leaves Eddie to wander the floor, helping confused husbands and boyfriends find the right pick for their spouses.
Working with customers to find something they’re happy with isn’t so bad. He likes guiding them towards answers to questions they didn’t think to ask. Like what their spouse wears, how their home is decorated, what their favorite color is. Every detail helps, and Eddie is, quite genuinely, always happy to help someone who asks– nicely.
He’s on his way back to the counter with an empty bucket in his arms when he spots a guy holding a few roses. Eddie watches, momentarily transfixed, as the man sticks his tongue out in concentration, swiping it over his lower lip. His brow’s furrowed, glancing back and forth between the single-stem lavender and pink roses in the display case in front of him.
Eddie can’t blame the guy, honestly. There’s over twenty different colored roses to choose from this year. Chrissy really went above and beyond to haggle with their suppliers. They’ve got the best of the best, truly something to brag about.
He sets the bucket down underneath a display table so it’s out of the way as he heads over to help. Eddie must catch his attention.
Bright lights from the display case reflect the light hazel tone to his russet colored eyes and shines golden against his softly styled brown hair. A fine dusting of moles across his face and neck perfectly complement his tanned skin.
The prettiest thing in a shop full of pretty things. A goddamn angel.
Except he’s wearing high-top Nike sneakers like the jocks used to wear, along with tight acid-washed jeans, and a grey Members Only jacket. The guy screams straight, ex-jock, fuck boy, even more evident by the two separate roses in his hand as he eyes up a third.
Still, he’s a customer in need. And Eddie is nothing if not a humble servant.
“Can I help you find something?” Eddie asks, only slightly more casual and flirty than his typical customer service voice.
The man’s lips part into a soft ‘oh’ as he stands and stares at him. Eddie quickly glances down at himself, scanning for stray stems or petals hanging from his apron. There’s nothing there, at least nothing worth gawking at. Maybe he’s got something in his teeth? Shit, he should’ve checked first.
“Uhh–,” the man says, intelligently, interrupting Eddie’s own internal spiral– “I was just looking at, you know.” He gestures to the buckets of roses without taking his eyes off Eddie. “I need one more, and can’t decide on a color.”
“Three roses, huh?” Eddie says, the joke rolling off the tip of his tongue before his mortified brain can prune it, “One for each girlfriend, that’s sweet of you.”
Fucking Christ. He wishes he’d kept the bucket of water to drown himself in, like this day can get any worse.
This beautiful, angel of a man scoffs at the unbecoming joke and yeah, Eddie can’t blame him. For someone who not only prides himself on his customer service skills, but also his charm, this is a royally large fuck up.
The man grabs the lavender rose, holding it out to Eddie along with the two other pink and white ones already in his hand. “This is for my best friend. This one–” he holds out the pink– “is for my adopted sister.”
“Oh,” Eddie says, before the guy cuts him off.
“And this one–” he shows off the white rose– “is for my Gran. I’m stopping by the cemetery on my way home and thought she’d like it.”
Forget drowning in a bucket of leaf water, Eddie deserves to be crushed under the weight of a million roses, thorns tearing him into tiny little pieces.
“Right,” Eddie huffs, annoyed with himself. He scrubs his hands roughly over his face, like he can erase the embarrassed flush burning up his neck to the tips of his ears. “I’m so sorry, man. I have no idea why I said that. It’s just–” Eddie waves his hand around the store– “it’s been a long day, and sometimes I think I’m funny when I’m really, really not. I’m not normally this awkward, and I’m typically much better at my job.”
At this, the guy smirks, like watching Eddie squirm is entertaining. It’s the least he can do, if his misery makes the man feel better. He eyes Eddie up and down, so slowly that Eddie feels like his skin's on fire. Probably the display lights... they can really heat up some days.
“Can you ring me up?”
Eddie nods, thankful how quickly he seems to let the entire confrontation go. They make their way to the counter, Chrissy eyeing him as he asks her to switch for a second. She eyes the customer and nudges Eddie, where he notices a playful smirk on her face. Jesus, she’s nosey. He only rolls his eyes as she walks off.
Doing his best to avoid eye contact, Eddie focuses solely on wrapping up the flowers in the pretty, heart-printed paper they bought specifically for the day, and ties a matching colored bow to each package.
He feels the unrelenting urge to fix this, unsure why it matters so much to him. This guy most likely won’t even be back until next year, just like the rest of the customers he’s helped today. Eddie shouldn’t treat this one customer any different because he’s cute.
And yet.
“I actually think you’re really sweet!” Eddie blurts, thrusting the packaged roses into the guy’s waiting arms. “Shit, I meant it’s sweet you’re buying them gifts. I didn’t mean you’re sweet. Not that you’re not sweet, I mean– goddamnit.”
He’s smiling at Eddie, like this is all an adorable spectacle and not the worst experience of every Valentine’s day Eddie’s ever had. God, that fucking smile makes Eddie’s insides melt.
“Really?” His voice is playful, if yet a little shy. Eddie buys into it, of course he does, desperate to make up for his flailing.
“Yeah, definitely sweet– adorable, even. Positively charming.” Eddie’s on better footing now, watching a rosy blush bloom underneath tanned freckles. There’s a line of customers grumbling about the wait, but Eddie doesn’t care, not so long as he gets to keep staring at the ray of sunshine smiling back at him.
His smile turns coy as he locks eyes with Eddie and says “I’m single, you know."
Eddie can’t think to respond over the roaring static in his ears, brain going into full shut-down mode. Did he just–
“What?” And Eddie’s back to being a total buffoon.
It must be cute though, because the guy laughs as he leans forward to grab one of the shop’s business cards next to the register. He writes something on it, then hands it back to Eddie who flips it around in his hands to read it.
Call me, and thanks for your help.
♥️ Steve
There’s a phone number listed below the man’s– Steve’s– name. An actual, honest to god phone number. From a man who looks like he could work in Hollywood for a living.
Eddie can feel his own face splitting in two with how hard he’s smiling. He reads the simple note once, twice, three times before he remembers where he is and who’s still standing in front of him.
Steve looks hopeful, eyes flitting between Eddie and the note as he fiddles with the bow on one of the packaged roses.
“Yes,” Eddie practically shouts, glee saturating his tone. “I’ll definitely call you tonight. Well–” Eddie glances around the shop, spotting the scattered empty buckets, piles of dead leaves on the ground, and the stack of unprocessed delivery tickets– “maybe I’ll call you tomorrow.”
And Steve nods, like it’s that easy, and shyly answers, “Can’t wait,” before heading out the door, sending a dorky little wave over his shoulder as he goes.
Somehow, Eddie manages to recover enough of his higher brain power to work the rest of the day. He falls back into routine: boxing vases, filing orders, dumping rotten plant water, scrubbing buckets, and organizing the back cooler. It’s almost midnight by the time he gets home, slightly earlier than he expected.
His feet ache like they always do, and he’s so emotionally drained that Eddie thinks he could go the rest of his life without talking to another customer ever again. Except he thinks, fiddling with Steve’s note, maybe there’s one customer he'd talk to again.
Tomorrow, though. Definitely tomorrow.
divider kudos <3
#i've got so many valentine's day war stories#this one takes the cake though - thought i was going to die of embarrassment#this isn't exactly how it happened but it was close#i was working the counter surrounded by my coworkers when I said that shit out loud and immediately wanted to die about it#the guy was nice and yeah i got his number but nothing really came of it#oh and the part about a flower for his dead grandma YEAH! ALSO TRUE!#still... it haunts me lmao#steddie#steddie fic#steddie ficlet#valentines day#steve harrington#eddie munson#florist eddie munson#floral shop au#stranger things#stranger things fic#queeniewritesstories#hot off the press <3
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WIP sketch of a fun idea i had lurking in my sketch books. Its such a stretch but stay with me,,, lost flower paper craft village where Siffrin eventually transfers those skills into woodworking. This is goes hand in hand with viet Siffrin and Loop
#based off these sketches i did a while ago#using the paper crane from sasasap as the starting point#i wont be done with this by the end of the month but i thought itd be nice to share with the lunar new year coming up soon#if you cant read the third image please look at the alt text#this doesnt make sense but trust it does to me#like imagine being really good at such delicate paperwork and then losing that#this lost art is gone forever like truly lost to time now#and the next best thing is woodwork where you can apply a similar finesse and care and sure its good enough but it doesnt hit the same#anyways lost crafts lost villages lost islands i dont know this hits close for a lot of people and it speaks to me and makes sense#this is based on thanh tien paper flower village if that doesnt hit right on the nose for you#subtlety is not my art and i will not claim so#the draws
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I love this last snippet of all of them together with their groups. If this chapter did anything it was make me want a slice-of-life spin-off where we see these three idiots solving the stupidest low-level curse cases and somehow still fucking it up.
That truly would be my jujutsu kaisen
#there is no bad ending there is only the good ending that exists inside my heart#I really do like this shot tho it's such a nice ending shot#it's just really terrible that it feels so unearned#I would kill to see Hakari and Kirara's full uniform fits tho#I actually need a spin off where the thrid years because it's so close to graduation anyway have to take on “teaching” the other years#I don't know why I just think the dynamic of Hakari having to be responsible for itafushikugi would be so fucking funny#love those fucking idiots if anything good came out of this chapter it was watching them fuck up the most simplest case#as Megumi questions why he even came back cause it cant certainly have been for this#itafushikugi#jjk#jjk spoilers#jjk funny#jjk memes#hakari kinji#kirara#jjk kirara#yuta okkotsu#inumaki toge#maki zenin#panda jjk#yuji itadori#nobara kugisaki#megumi fushiguro#throwing thoughts to the void#thoughts to void
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Can't believe it has been a full year since I starting posting AvA/M fanart
so I redrew my first piece of fanart :]
#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava#avm#animation vs minecraft#avm red#I'm just gonna talk some random stuff in the tags#its going to be a bit self indulgent and cheesy from here onwards so feel free to ignore from here onwards#honestly#i didnt think i would get this far#never thought people would like my art at all#I'm glad that AvA/M was the first fandom i started posting fanart for#you guys are always so supportive and nice#and the fandom is filled with all sorts of creative and extremely skilled people#i couldn't really have asked for a better community to start posting art for#man#i cant believe that i managed to make 64 posts in a year#thats basically weekly#thank you guys for all your supportt#every small comment that you guys leave actually makes my day and makes me want to do better for you guys#gotten a bit long so yeah i guess i will close off here#so thanks for liking my art :]
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Want emotional support?
Anyways here's some space themed stuff if you're a dark mode user.
. . . . . . . . . ✦ . • ✦ • ˚ . . ☄ . • . . . . . • . . • ✦ . . 🪐 . . . . . ゚ . ✦ , . . . ✦ . • ✦ . 🌘 . . . . . . ゚ . ✦ , . . ✦ ✦ . • ✦ • ˚ . . ☄ . • . . . . . . ✦ ✦ . •
-Multiverse Anon
regretfully i can not see it as i am not a dark mode user but i hope others can enjoy the view of space :D
#ooc#no art#unfortunately Brain is quite closed off to the thought of friends or vulnerability at the moment#even so i probably shouldn't be friends with fans. power imbalance yk#leaving a nice tag or something funny/kind in the inbox usually makes Br go :D though#..it feels kind of conceited to be like 'i dont want friends i want reblogs' but i'm not sure Brain wants friendship atm#i also feel like this is worded rudely but i Can Not Tell due to the autism i'm VERY sorry if it comes off badly#queue
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Natori is desirable, has always been desirable, had "the looks and the grades," makes a living off of being beautiful and charming and good at provoking feeling in other people and is at the same time totally uninterested in pursuing any of that interest and seeing if it could develop into something deeper. he rejects the girls at school even more preemptively than he rejects matoba, who suggests he might be useful. he's deeply, profoundly lonely throughout all of this and tbh I think being wanted actually makes it worse in some ways, because the people closest to him who should love him best think he's a curse and that makes casual interest and affection feel cheap, unearned, and ultimately disposable. naturally his two careers are:
attractive man plays pretend
loner weirdo does rituals on outskirts of society
#i diagnose him with cold princess locked in his tower#the only thing getting him down is jam.#matoba like i want you for exactly the thing your family rejected you for.#could have been sooo something#however he fumbled because natori is actually very self assured and expressing casual contempt for someone he admires is not the way to#his heart#or other things#u can actually see his legs slam closed#i think the idea of a transactional relationship especially one where he puts himself in someone else's power is#also pretty off putting to him#but u dare be rude about a nice man who was kind without wanting anything in return#not because natori is cute or smart or special but just for its own sake!#i think this is also a big part of what draws him to natsume#like initially he sees himself in natsume and wants to help#and then natsume rejects him! but is still very kind and thoughtful#and he's kind consistently. not just to natori but to everyone#press says natsume
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Sanzang and Yarn chicken
Idk what it is about him but I feel like Sanzang would always underestimate how much yarn he needs for a project leading to his disciples looking like patchwork dolls.
#Jttw#journey to the west#sun wukong#monkey king#xuanzang#tripitaka#sanzang#Zhu Bajie#Zhu Wuneng#Sha Wujing#bai long ma#Yulong#aou lie#Knitting#I think it looks nice colored#Better than the weird tinted red gray scale thing I has going on before#I feel really tired#Idk why but Sanzang playing yarn chicken is so funny to me#He's doing his sutras with the stitches and just stops dead still cause there's like 5 inches left and he needs to do 4 more rows#He'd make do#Probs find it endearing#I reread things and apparently Sha Wujing has scarlet hair and I (for some reason) thought it was blue#I mean he is a fish#When I close the linart layer Yulong looks adorable (maybe cause he's the only one with pupils)#Speaking of Yulong. I based him off the LMK design#I've watched the movie for that but haven't actually got around to the rest of it
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.
#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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I finally met Nanami
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#The 'I'm an adult you're a child. I have a duty to prioritise your life over my own' thing#and how he sent Itadori off to some other place for him to deal with the problem of his own and not risk the kid got me#'He's still a child' he tells Ijichi. Because Ijichi clocks him#Ijichi is powerless but he does share this mindset#Shoko too in her way. She made sure Itadori knew he had not killed anyone#Gojo too in his way cares for the kids not to do risky stuff and keeps them safe#They're the four of them very much alike if each in their own way#And Gojo must trust the three of them a lot for him to let them know about Itadori#It's nice to see how Ijichi‚ Nanami and Shoko in this chapter‚ but the four of them in general‚ work together#It may be nothing. I might be overreading#But they seem to get each other and foresee each other's moves and thought progress pretty well. There seems to be a certain intimacy#Nanami and Gojo were super cute together. Nanami is very serious and talks very formally#but it seems him and Gojo have quite a lot of intimacy? Gojo is flippant in how he deals with people but he does say he trusts Nanami#and he got very into his personal space#And he way Nanami talks about and with Gojo and how he reacts also seemed to denote a decent amount of closeness in his way#They sort of reminded me a bit of Break and Reim when Break first introduces Reim#Anyway they were cute. This group of adults is very endearing together and in how they treat the kids. I like that the kids feel like kids#And that the adults regards them as such. Quite refreshing in this kind of genre#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#Jujutsu Kaisen
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Stop being so pretty already, gosh (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#DAX#ZEX#They're just too pretty goodness me#Grumpy DAX! Piggybacking a bit off his grumps with ZEX but not all That much haha#Enjoys his company <3 Excitable and pleased and healthy - a good ZEX to be around!#Loves him ♪ What can you do#Pretty flirty ZEX! I don't mind making those obviously digital edits from time to time hmm#Makes things much more contrasty which is nice on the eye :) Dunno! I usually leave my scribbles alone but it might be fun to do more often#Like I don't already spend long enough on editing lol not the point it's for the ~aesthetics~ lol#Speaking of ♪ Starry dress ZEX ah <3 <3#I have a history of putting green aliens in sparkly starry dresses I just can't stop it's The fashion choice really#I think he'd look really stunning in a blues-and-golds like the VUX view in their close ups hehe#Though that central piece on his chest is a moonstone - obviously ♫#Phases of the moon belt :)#I love drawing the gathering of whispy dresses so much ahh and the way his arms pull either with just the tip or fully grabbed#Gathered into a bunch! Very fun shapes haha#I really enjoy putting him in unrestrictive clothing! Deserves to move comfortably!#Surprised I haven't put him in something with a leg slit yet tho lol - why does DAX grab me more for that style hmm#I guess the tunic style is usually like that haha I've got to put at least one of them in a Chinese style dress at some point#Not enough jewelry on his head tendrils now that I look at him hmmm - some starry webbing next time for sure#I never officially gave Bar the star-twinkling dress just the shooting star obi........o3o owo#It's a thought! It's an idea for sure :)#Fun fun fun with fashion ♪ S'why YIK is best girl hehe
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sorry to emmrich volkarin for giving him a guy who sucks and has issues. the longer i think about v mercar the worse he gets. and yet emmrich still thinks he can fix him. the baffling thing is that it is somehow actually working
#the verkarin concept i’ve been thinking about is like.#v out in dock town with neve and emmrich and an ex of his calls out to him. they talk for a bit very contentiously#just general shitty ex arguing. v pulls him close and kisses him and then stabs him in the chest#seconds before the ex was going to hit him with a freezing spell#v immediately searches him and finds that he was trying to capture v for the venatori. v is not shocksd#steals his money and his boots. atp emmrich and neve have heard the commotion and come over to see v over a dead body#they’re like ‘who tf was that’ and v just says ‘not important.’ in passing says it’s an ex. they were together for a year#anyway this all culminates in v and emmrich talking at the lighthouse and emmrich being understandably concerned about him#v insisting that he’s not a good person. emmrich insisting that he is. v storming off and getting drunk and smashing things#etc. yknow. there’s more to it but this is a lot of tags#bottom line is anytime i think about v’s life and relationships prior to veilguard prior to the shadows. oh boy#he’s even more fucked up than i thought. but he fascinates me#actually having feelings for someone who has feelings for him back and like. is nice to him. takes care of him. he doesn’t know what to do#maybe i will write this someday even if no one reads it. i just need to study v like a bug#vervain mercar#eliasposts
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really really really enjoyed the “icon for good” he could have been/should have been/WAS to (frankly still iconic) “little bitch” pipleline that was Coriolanus’s journey. no way to choose evil and not shrink inside your own skin and become spiritually smaller than you’re supposed to be!
#when he was telling sejanus to get it together I for one very much enjoyed it akdkejjejejejejdjejeje#he was like ‘sejanus puhlease. stop spiraling and do some things’#and it was funny!#but you hand over the icon card (the most important part of it) when you only care about victory for yourself#I thought the story did a nice job of showing that journey in large part thanks to Tom Blyth’s face#he???????????#was so so so good#the way there’s so much life in it at the beginning and it closes off slowly#ballad of songbirds and snakes#this has been#3 text posts in a row with Maria
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Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.
Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!
Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...
I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm
Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.
Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.
“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.
She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store.
Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore.
“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.
It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”
She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath.
Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.
She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.
Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her.
So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death.
“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno.
“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying.
At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”
Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.
“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”
The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.
But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.
Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well?
At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe.
“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”
#milgram#mahiru shiina#yuno kashiki#amane and fuuta mentioned#i dont know how well this all fits in with your vision of the au but i had a ton of fun with this lmao sorry 😂#oh hey if anyone knows any japanese superstitions like those in the beginning lmk#i was trying to research them but i kept getting lucky symbols/words - not necessarily actions like that#anyway thank you so much for this!! it was a really interesting moment to capture >:0#drabbles that take me way too long to combine my three brain cells but im really pleased with the end result#i had a lot of Mahiru Thoughts but it took a bit of fiddling to make them fit together#the superstitiousness - the focus on one's presence - the parallels with his bf - what she's dealing with from the voices#im glad it came together semi-smoothly in the end asdfsd#i didnt mean for mahiru t break the fourth wall or anything --#i always saw her as a master at picking up on social changes/cues so she can tell when things are most tense/kotoko is fully prepared#but she doesnt consciously know it -- she just knows that things feel Off#not only do the attacks confirm mahirus fear that shes cursed - but yunos involvement confirms her belief that shes extra lucky#i wonder if shed still end up spending all her time with yuno now that she thought she was such a protective person...#i couldnt articulate it right since the end was wrapping up so nicely - but mahiru starts to wonder if most people are fine being left alon#and *shes* the odd one out for craving company#then she feels isolated because by getting what she wants shes dooming someone else#i mean... if everyone you try to get close to starts getting hurt... wouldnt you worry about the same...?#AHAHAHAHA hope you enjoyed 🙃#*posts this then retreats back into the void for a bit*#drabbles
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accidentally* brainstormed a very complete outline for chapters 4-8 for eih, which should theoretically take us through Part 1. which is. you know. a godsend or whatever.
*accidentally meaning i was just eating delicious pancakes and the thoughts happened. usually its me crying screaming and shitting myself in front of an empty word document where ideas manifest. this is notably much more pleasant.
#that alone makes this weekend a good one#i also bought (leased) a new car yesterday!!!#which is exciting for me because i've been driving my first car for 16 years#even though its a base model its still SO much more advanced#hello how did i live without a backup camera of this long#also like. carplay. and auto windshield wipers. and keyless entry/start. and adjustable steering wheel#AND its electric! kinda. (a plug-in hybrid so has both engines but can run on only electric)#i've finally joined the 21st century#although tbh i thought my first car of my adult life may be something bougie. a BMW or some shit#alas i grew up to be too practical. so i bought a prius. because of course.#listen i live in california and wanted to go electric for forever#alas elon shat the bed by being elon so a tesla was an absolute no go#its funny like... you know that most of your customers for these cars were well-off environment-conscious liberals right#i've seen a tesla with a bumper that says 'i bought this before i knew elon was crazy'#which. like. yeah. fair#other fun events from last week. there was a fire super close to our house and we were in the evacuation zone#which is like. wow. i know its been dry and windy but i never thought it would actually happen HERE#everything is okay and we're safe and it was put out really fast#but definitely gave us a pause and made us think about whats important (our cat. everything else is replaceable.)#but another reason this weekend is good: it RAINED. last night and today.#listen i've been... extremely extremely extremely sad the past week#because of everything. because of 'allowance' of ice agents hospitals and thinking about what i would do and risk because FUCK THEM#suffering isn't moral and doesn't help anyone. just trying to find a way to help my community#and three nice things happening AND just hearing the border fire is under control...#its going to be okay. it really is.#anyway this post is about FANFICTIOn#fun fact i started looking into numerology that has to do with ying-yang#which is helping me decide on how many chapters per 'part'#its clever and unnecessary but makes me happy so whatever#chapter 4 of eih is ~2k works now as a mostly-outline
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another day another consumption of vegetables
#just me hi#i am warding off the scurvy!! yippee !!!#not that i've ever Had scurvy to be clear. i just like to know i am warding it off 👍#the wizard of Eating Plants (it removes Poison Effect (scurvy))#/didn't realize how nice of a lunch that sandwich i take to work is. it's got the grains it's got the meat it's got the vegetables#what CAN'T she do?#hydrate me. but that is all#OH. AND tomatoes! which are a fruit :3#/alsooo didn't forget my waterbottle thing there today by accident which is dope 💥#left it there like 3 days ago and couldn't pick it up bc the building was closed for new years ;w;#good thing they have a sink there cuz i washed it when i got back but i don't think i rinsed it very well#That or i was smelling the handsoap from the bathroom on my hands when i was taking sips and neither of those sound very cool so !!#//n holy shiz i was falling asleep at one point cuz i didn't sleep right last night KGSFH#lunch break rejuvenated me :3 that and talking w/ flame while i was sitting on the floor behind the desk to do stretches#ten minute stretch breaks are pretty good actually the only thing is that i'm not sure doing splits there is a good idea Lmaooo#i can have normal behaviors when given a small slightly-hidden space and a bit of free time. do you think doing full splits is a good idea🎤#//what else Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#oh i was greatly(minorly) afraid that my mp3 player would die while i was working bc i turned her on and she was on half battery ?#i thought i'd plugged her in last night but apparently not :/ </3#it's alright though we survived. For Now#hfsh#//but YEA what else#i need to write </3 or i'll explode </////3#i have some really cool ideas but MANNNNNNN#i am so bad at. doing the ideas <////////////////////////3#god created me to make stuff and then said Actually. no#which to be honest is fair. for many reasons kfshvhjg#BUT. buttttt gehehgehehg#i do have Ideas#and i gotta do somethin about em so i will probably get around to it... maaabeee
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