#[ i thought they closed it off nicely
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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I love this last snippet of all of them together with their groups. If this chapter did anything it was make me want a slice-of-life spin-off where we see these three idiots solving the stupidest low-level curse cases and somehow still fucking it up.
That truly would be my jujutsu kaisen
#there is no bad ending there is only the good ending that exists inside my heart#I really do like this shot tho it's such a nice ending shot#it's just really terrible that it feels so unearned#I would kill to see Hakari and Kirara's full uniform fits tho#I actually need a spin off where the thrid years because it's so close to graduation anyway have to take on “teaching” the other years#I don't know why I just think the dynamic of Hakari having to be responsible for itafushikugi would be so fucking funny#love those fucking idiots if anything good came out of this chapter it was watching them fuck up the most simplest case#as Megumi questions why he even came back cause it cant certainly have been for this#itafushikugi#jjk#jjk spoilers#jjk funny#jjk memes#hakari kinji#kirara#jjk kirara#yuta okkotsu#inumaki toge#maki zenin#panda jjk#yuji itadori#nobara kugisaki#megumi fushiguro#throwing thoughts to the void#thoughts to void
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Can't believe it has been a full year since I starting posting AvA/M fanart
so I redrew my first piece of fanart :]
#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava#avm#animation vs minecraft#avm red#I'm just gonna talk some random stuff in the tags#its going to be a bit self indulgent and cheesy from here onwards so feel free to ignore from here onwards#honestly#i didnt think i would get this far#never thought people would like my art at all#I'm glad that AvA/M was the first fandom i started posting fanart for#you guys are always so supportive and nice#and the fandom is filled with all sorts of creative and extremely skilled people#i couldn't really have asked for a better community to start posting art for#man#i cant believe that i managed to make 64 posts in a year#thats basically weekly#thank you guys for all your supportt#every small comment that you guys leave actually makes my day and makes me want to do better for you guys#gotten a bit long so yeah i guess i will close off here#so thanks for liking my art :]
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Want emotional support?
Anyways here's some space themed stuff if you're a dark mode user.
. . . . . . . . . ✦ . • ✦ • ˚ . . ☄ . • . . . . . • . . • ✦ . . 🪐 . . . . . ゚ . ✦ , . . . ✦ . • ✦ . 🌘 . . . . . . ゚ . ✦ , . . ✦ ✦ . • ✦ • ˚ . . ☄ . • . . . . . . ✦ ✦ . •
-Multiverse Anon
regretfully i can not see it as i am not a dark mode user but i hope others can enjoy the view of space :D
#ooc#no art#unfortunately Brain is quite closed off to the thought of friends or vulnerability at the moment#even so i probably shouldn't be friends with fans. power imbalance yk#leaving a nice tag or something funny/kind in the inbox usually makes Br go :D though#..it feels kind of conceited to be like 'i dont want friends i want reblogs' but i'm not sure Brain wants friendship atm#i also feel like this is worded rudely but i Can Not Tell due to the autism i'm VERY sorry if it comes off badly#queue
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Natori is desirable, has always been desirable, had "the looks and the grades," makes a living off of being beautiful and charming and good at provoking feeling in other people and is at the same time totally uninterested in pursuing any of that interest and seeing if it could develop into something deeper. he rejects the girls at school even more preemptively than he rejects matoba, who suggests he might be useful. he's deeply, profoundly lonely throughout all of this and tbh I think being wanted actually makes it worse in some ways, because the people closest to him who should love him best think he's a curse and that makes casual interest and affection feel cheap, unearned, and ultimately disposable. naturally his two careers are:
attractive man plays pretend
loner weirdo does rituals on outskirts of society
#i diagnose him with cold princess locked in his tower#the only thing getting him down is jam.#matoba like i want you for exactly the thing your family rejected you for.#could have been sooo something#however he fumbled because natori is actually very self assured and expressing casual contempt for someone he admires is not the way to#his heart#or other things#u can actually see his legs slam closed#i think the idea of a transactional relationship especially one where he puts himself in someone else's power is#also pretty off putting to him#but u dare be rude about a nice man who was kind without wanting anything in return#not because natori is cute or smart or special but just for its own sake!#i think this is also a big part of what draws him to natsume#like initially he sees himself in natsume and wants to help#and then natsume rejects him! but is still very kind and thoughtful#and he's kind consistently. not just to natori but to everyone#press says natsume
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Seared like a songbird flying to the sun
A belated birthday gift for @misty-wisp ! Tried to combine references for both Swan Lake and Cendrillon >:3 (Linked the English cover I took the lyrics from for the title!)
#ariart#isat#isat spoilers#gemtale#friends oc#i unlocked the ability to draw two characters and decided to just kept at it but tbf this one has 4 in all honesty and boi...#the Perspective... the one for the mirrored version was harder than i thought but aaayyyeee!!! AM SO PROUD AND HAPPY THO!#let it be known that this piece was only meant to have the mirror for the background but i was like: hm... too empty-- oh whoops--#also a lil sad that odile and odettes arms are blocking the design for front of odettes outfit. she also has a diamond by the center#of it! and its also meant to take on the shape of a star with three beads at the bottom! tried to give her an outfit combining#kabue (diamonds) vaugarde (circles) and the island (star) meanwhile odile gets diamonds and circles#and yeeeeeess!!! their outfits are mirrored in a way! i only wanted to give the mirrored effect of spiky and round#but somehow managed to pull off an actual mirrored fit like with the open and closed wings and the shape of the top#i also designed the outfit as like-- a ballet outfit thats also like just a fancy dress for the swan lake and cendrillon themes#the red part on mirrordiles leg lookin like a gaping wound. i love that part honestly cuz its so last minute#i was meant to blend that to soften the edges but my brushes wont cooperate and i noticed it looked reaaaally nice as is so i kept it!#also odile has gloves that has fake nails outside it so she gets sharp pointy nails privileges. i could write a whole ass theory bout that#smth smth odile making sure to cautiously and gently handle odette so as not to hurt her but as a result keeps her at arms length#did i thought bout that explanation when i gave her the gloves? no. i was actually just too lazy to get rid of her nails when givin#her the gloves cuz i did everything in one layer for the lineart so i was like: hey arent there gloves with fake nails? yea thatll work--#LET IT BE KNOWN THAT TUMBLR MF LOGGED ME OUT AGAIN FOR NO REASON WHILE MAKING THIS POST BUT IM SMARTER!!!#LOGGED IN A DIFFERENT TAB. WENT BACK TO THIS TAB. SAVE AS DRAFT! MY TAGS ARE SAAAFFEE!!! GODDAMMIT TUMBLR!
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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I finally met Nanami
#The 'I'm an adult you're a child. I have a duty to prioritise your life over my own' thing#and how he sent Itadori off to some other place for him to deal with the problem of his own and not risk the kid got me#'He's still a child' he tells Ijichi. Because Ijichi clocks him#Ijichi is powerless but he does share this mindset#Shoko too in her way. She made sure Itadori knew he had not killed anyone#Gojo too in his way cares for the kids not to do risky stuff and keeps them safe#They're the four of them very much alike if each in their own way#And Gojo must trust the three of them a lot for him to let them know about Itadori#It's nice to see how Ijichi‚ Nanami and Shoko in this chapter‚ but the four of them in general‚ work together#It may be nothing. I might be overreading#But they seem to get each other and foresee each other's moves and thought progress pretty well. There seems to be a certain intimacy#Nanami and Gojo were super cute together. Nanami is very serious and talks very formally#but it seems him and Gojo have quite a lot of intimacy? Gojo is flippant in how he deals with people but he does say he trusts Nanami#and he got very into his personal space#And he way Nanami talks about and with Gojo and how he reacts also seemed to denote a decent amount of closeness in his way#They sort of reminded me a bit of Break and Reim when Break first introduces Reim#Anyway they were cute. This group of adults is very endearing together and in how they treat the kids. I like that the kids feel like kids#And that the adults regards them as such. Quite refreshing in this kind of genre#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#Jujutsu Kaisen
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Concept/prompt?
We are friends Tolerate each other.
Inspired by this post and it won't leave me alone.
So!
Unlikely Friends AU if you'd like to call it anything.
When Vlad got blasted by the prototype portal and was hospitalized, the future Fenton couple worked their asses off to cure the Ecto-acne, stayed close friends and were always in contact. This helped Vlad to not feel isolated, gave time to accept Maddie's new relationship and move on.
He discovered his ghost powers soon after his discharge from the hospital.
To say that he was freaked out was an understatement of a century. But he didn't want to trouble Maddie and Jack and made a decision to was scared to tell keep quiet. He kept the portal that cursed his life and worked on it separately. Be as it may between them, he no longer trusted a lab space with the Fentons in it.
He felt so hollow. Something was always missing. Being around Jack and Maddie made that pain worse.
That resulted in his portal working WAY sooner than that of the Fenton couple. He was even about to tell them! But...
The first ghost he ever actually encountered was the Dairy King. (Yes, Vlad is still a shady as hell billionaire here. Can't change the Core of the person) The Ghost was a little underwhelming but also extremely endearing to Vlad.
The Fentons wouldn't understand. They were both extremely intelligent but headstrong people. They would not change their ways. The permanent access to the Portal would put him and other Ghosts in danger.
So he kept quiet.
Years passed. He would often take trips to the Ghost Zone, or The Infinite Realms as the Ghost called it, and learn. About himself, his powers, their customs, their ways of thinking. He'd make friends with a few and enemies/sparing buddies with others.
A year into his Ghostly existence, he learnt what the hollowness was.
His Obsession. It wanted Kinship. It wanted people he felt safe around. He wanted family he could call his own. He wanted to be understood.
The Ghosts fullfilled it in a way he didn't know was possible. He loved, secretly, being a part of their community.
But no-one fully understood him.
His human needs would make them confused. Their more Ghostly ways were very hard to comprehend. The Ghost speak was a pain to learn.
So when, 20 years after the accident, he met the young Daniel at his doorstep and Saw him, he latches onto the young, green Halfa.
On that night, he came to him and offered mentorship. He may have been a little too pushy and scared the teen, earning the permanent moniker Fruitloop for his troubles.
But he managed to build up some trust when he did his best to help with some Ghost fights.
Vlad would dare to even say that they were becoming friends. The teen was highly entertaining to be around. It was freeing. He could joke, poke and talk to him almost about anything. Danny soon began doing the same.
The Dan incident was horrifying. It brought them closer. It also opened up a lot of teasing material for both sides. (Don't judge. That's how they cope)
Pariah Dark was released by an annoying Box Ghost by accident. They worked together to bring the Tirant down. Young Danny, with the help of his Father's suit, landed the final hit.
Danielle... was a terrifying but welcome accident. Vlad and Danny were doing some experiments on the Ectoplasm and how it effected different stages of the DNA. It was quite fun.
They didn't expect to accidentally clone a full Halfa of Danny when they were messing around.
Danny got a godsister. Vlad got to be a Father in the most unconventional but perfect way.
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Add more if you'd like! This is like, the minimum outline of anything XD
#danny phantom#friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends#vlad is nice but loopy#Close friendship with him made Danny's world a little more fun too#Danny and Vlad are still petty as hell#but it never gets to public humiliation#Whenever Danny feels like he needs help from an adult he calls Vlad#Vlad is seriously debating to just win over custody from the Fentons.#Maddie#dear#I love you dearly but your research is hurting your son and killed him#your house is a mess#Young Jasmine is in constant danger as well#thankfully for Danny#who knew what the Loopy Godfather was thinking#Dani took the edge off of that thought#not for long#but still#danny phantom prompt 2
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Stop being so pretty already, gosh (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#DAX#ZEX#They're just too pretty goodness me#Grumpy DAX! Piggybacking a bit off his grumps with ZEX but not all That much haha#Enjoys his company <3 Excitable and pleased and healthy - a good ZEX to be around!#Loves him ♪ What can you do#Pretty flirty ZEX! I don't mind making those obviously digital edits from time to time hmm#Makes things much more contrasty which is nice on the eye :) Dunno! I usually leave my scribbles alone but it might be fun to do more often#Like I don't already spend long enough on editing lol not the point it's for the ~aesthetics~ lol#Speaking of ♪ Starry dress ZEX ah <3 <3#I have a history of putting green aliens in sparkly starry dresses I just can't stop it's The fashion choice really#I think he'd look really stunning in a blues-and-golds like the VUX view in their close ups hehe#Though that central piece on his chest is a moonstone - obviously ♫#Phases of the moon belt :)#I love drawing the gathering of whispy dresses so much ahh and the way his arms pull either with just the tip or fully grabbed#Gathered into a bunch! Very fun shapes haha#I really enjoy putting him in unrestrictive clothing! Deserves to move comfortably!#Surprised I haven't put him in something with a leg slit yet tho lol - why does DAX grab me more for that style hmm#I guess the tunic style is usually like that haha I've got to put at least one of them in a Chinese style dress at some point#Not enough jewelry on his head tendrils now that I look at him hmmm - some starry webbing next time for sure#I never officially gave Bar the star-twinkling dress just the shooting star obi........o3o owo#It's a thought! It's an idea for sure :)#Fun fun fun with fashion ♪ S'why YIK is best girl hehe
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really really really enjoyed the “icon for good” he could have been/should have been/WAS to (frankly still iconic) “little bitch” pipleline that was Coriolanus’s journey. no way to choose evil and not shrink inside your own skin and become spiritually smaller than you’re supposed to be!
#when he was telling sejanus to get it together I for one very much enjoyed it akdkejjejejejejdjejeje#he was like ‘sejanus puhlease. stop spiraling and do some things’#and it was funny!#but you hand over the icon card (the most important part of it) when you only care about victory for yourself#I thought the story did a nice job of showing that journey in large part thanks to Tom Blyth’s face#he???????????#was so so so good#the way there’s so much life in it at the beginning and it closes off slowly#ballad of songbirds and snakes#this has been#3 text posts in a row with Maria
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Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.
Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!
Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...
I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm
Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.
Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.
“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.
She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store.
Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore.
“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.
It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”
She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath.
Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.
She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.
Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her.
So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death.
“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno.
“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying.
At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”
Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.
“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”
The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.
But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.
Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well?
At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe.
“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”
#milgram#mahiru shiina#yuno kashiki#amane and fuuta mentioned#i dont know how well this all fits in with your vision of the au but i had a ton of fun with this lmao sorry 😂#oh hey if anyone knows any japanese superstitions like those in the beginning lmk#i was trying to research them but i kept getting lucky symbols/words - not necessarily actions like that#anyway thank you so much for this!! it was a really interesting moment to capture >:0#drabbles that take me way too long to combine my three brain cells but im really pleased with the end result#i had a lot of Mahiru Thoughts but it took a bit of fiddling to make them fit together#the superstitiousness - the focus on one's presence - the parallels with his bf - what she's dealing with from the voices#im glad it came together semi-smoothly in the end asdfsd#i didnt mean for mahiru t break the fourth wall or anything --#i always saw her as a master at picking up on social changes/cues so she can tell when things are most tense/kotoko is fully prepared#but she doesnt consciously know it -- she just knows that things feel Off#not only do the attacks confirm mahirus fear that shes cursed - but yunos involvement confirms her belief that shes extra lucky#i wonder if shed still end up spending all her time with yuno now that she thought she was such a protective person...#i couldnt articulate it right since the end was wrapping up so nicely - but mahiru starts to wonder if most people are fine being left alon#and *shes* the odd one out for craving company#then she feels isolated because by getting what she wants shes dooming someone else#i mean... if everyone you try to get close to starts getting hurt... wouldnt you worry about the same...?#AHAHAHAHA hope you enjoyed 🙃#*posts this then retreats back into the void for a bit*#drabbles
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my fwb is very sweet he tries so hard to understand even though he absolutely cannot
#I say fwb I haven’t seen him in a year not the point#im explaining why im so sad after Xmas and why I have a rly horrible time around family#and he has genuinely the most lovely well adjusted family they all love each other#it’s crazy to me#so he said very well intentioned. asked if I know why they’re snubbing me and being so rude#and he asked if I could take someone aside and ask#like bro bless u that’s so sweet. but it’s literally just the family culture and dynamic#I have my theories why they’re like this with me#but I don’t think they’re even aware#shit i don’t think they’re even aware of how cruel they are to me#being single is defo a part of it tho.#cos a few weeks ago at my cousins bday everyone thought I had a boyfriend and they were all nice to me#and then I said actually no we broke up now they’re back to being shitty#but also being a party took the heat off me. Xmas is too close and personal
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okay so! i did finish s3 of lost last night! but i was too sleepy to post too much. so my thoughts include: juliet is still hot. the love-square is still bad and should've been gay. charlie's death almost made me so sad but then i was annoyed for Reasons. what's up with the lesbians living in that underwater place. annoyed at locke. but other than that it's great not really hating anyone rn. french mom and daughter reunited :) also there's a ghost <3 and the big bad of the show is communications issues like if you have some great reason about why they shouldn't leave the island. have you considered. you know. telling them the reason???? even if it sounds insane at least tell them and then we'll see like just tell them and see what happens or at least tell me bc i'm noisy ghsjdfhgjf
#the thing about charlie is that if he died on the greatest hits episode i would've cried#but then he took two more episodes to die#the emotional punch of that ep was gone#and he fulfilled his purpose of turning off the thing and finding out the boat was not penny's#i know he thought he HAD to die#but he did what he had to do he could've LEFT#like do i get it? yeah i guess but i still think he didn't have to close the damn door#anyway#jack and juliet kiss annoyed me on principle (heterosexuality) but also 👀 it's nice to see her anyway 👀#OH AND THE TWIST AT THE END#totally saw it coming but it doesn't count bc i know too much already#but personally i think it was GREAT#but also i don't love that we'll know who leaves the island and maybe who doesnt but oh well#still having a lot of fun!!#i think i'm going to take a small break though :( to catch up with movies and other shows :(#i might be lying....#but maybe not....#anyway see you soon maybe tonight or in january who knows#if you read all this i love you <3
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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years
#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL#i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort#but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome#and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him#were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond#its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other#there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes#while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time#theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car#and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk#in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time#to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship#him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil#he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits#all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did#they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him#also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now#but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other#he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that#makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary#if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself#sorry oversharing oh wow
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"what does familial affection feel like" normal person questions to ask at midnight
#and for normal person purposes (fic writing)#kalat incoming but i'm absolutely certain i've felt it at a time when i thought my family was safe and would describe it as euphoric but#at the same time i have vague recollections of people describing their affection towards their family members in ways i couldn't relate to#warmth? i think i've felt warmth but not as deeply. protectiveness yeah sometimes. crying for them when they're in pain#the negative leaning emotions outweigh the positive ones#bc i'll hear someone go 'i want to wipe my little sibling's tears away when they're sad' or 'i desperately want to give my dad a hug' and#in spite of having family members who are more affectionate than most ppl get#i just don't feel that??#then again safety and security have always felt conditional on assimilation and i knew that as a kid#ig i built up an emotional blockade in response (though i Know i can feel it. can't emphasize enough that familial love feels euphoric)#anyway this was spurred by me writing the line 'he wished to wipe [his tears] away' and going wait is that normal#just an extremely weird juxtaposition bc my entire family are close and emotional and affectionate but at the same time#emotionally closed off??? like it's a fucking stage play and you have to look nice for god#eugh#kalat#pamilya
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