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#? ig lol.. idk what to tag these things
greatyme · 9 months
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I did something silly….. I made QL guess who!
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About a year and a half ago I had the idea for a custom ql guess who game but I had no one to play it with so I just put it to the side until I (hopefully) would. Fortunately that day came this weekend when @pondphuwin and I got to play a few rounds (they beat me 4:5 actually lmao)!
Some of the questions we asked were stuff like “is it from gmmtv,” “does your show have a branded pair,” “is there a love triangle,” “is there a debate over whether your show is a bl or not,” and more personal ones like “am I crazy over one of the main actors,” “do we have beef with the way this bl went,” “did we watch this live together,” and so on. Rlly fun stuff!
Since this is a custom guess who I had to make all the pieces manually. At first it seems fine and easy bc there’s already official posters right? But the difficulty is that almost every poster is a different size. So I figured out how to get the proper guess who face piece measurements and manually resized each poster to fit, with a slight gradient in the background where the remaining space isn’t covered by the poster. You can see those gradient bars on the top and bottom in the closeup of the last twilight piece, for example. Also it’s just really funny to hold mini posters of qls lmao (using my hand as a reference)
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There’s 190 ql poster pieces in total (based on approx. how many I’d seen as of the time of printing) (yes I will add more as time goes on) and they were all put on one big google doc that covered about 10 pages and looked like this!
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After I had them all set I printed them out on cardstock so they were thicker & more sturdy and then I did a lot of cutting. And since both players need the same posters I had to cut it all twice
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Are there easier ways to do this? Maybe. I’m not sure. Honestly I just did whatever like this is my own gay little art project lol
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Once I had them all cut and held them in my hand I felt quite proud of my work and now that I’ve actually played it I really do
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Here’s just like a pic I took when we were playing a round. Since there were so many, after every round we took out the two qls we just selected and replaced them with new ones and we never ran out lmao. It took quite a bit of effort but it was totally worth it hehe
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todayisafridaynight · 4 months
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com for a lovely on twit
Commission Sales Info (May 29 - June 3, 2024)
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sueske · 1 year
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I just think it's wild that kishimoto said he was embarrassed to write nh romance, was approached by sp with the script of the last where everything was retconned to which he only did minor revisions to, he used gaiden to make fun of both ss and nh but very heavily with ss, had someone else write retsuden, had a design company send him covers to choose from when it came to drawing light novel covers, had someone else illustrate the manga adaptation, and yet. and YET in a manga meant to focus on minato, he heavily involved kushina in the narrative and wrote romantic moments for them of his own volition. and he chose certain scenes for minakushi that ss and nh love from the original series and made fun of them by literally saying 'THIS is mutual love'. he also made minakushi and sns parallels as the cherry on top like. wow respect 
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sparky-is-spiders · 24 days
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Jonelias Week Day 1 (Which is definitely today I swear), for the prompt "No Powers AU"
This one... maybe got away from me. This is actually only the first half of what I've written so far, and probably the first third overall! I do plan to post this to Ao3 at some point (although I suspect I'll need to do a lengthy round of editing first lmao). It's some very self-indulgent nonsense, which is a lot of what I write, but now it's getting put in the main tags of a ship during said ship's event week. So. It may also be a little bit "aromantic dude tries to figure out what having a crush is supposed to be like." Also a lot of "dude who took Principals of Accounting once pretending it knows what office work is like." Anyway, quick warning before we begin, and the rest will be under the read-more:
Stalking (played for laughs) for most of the fic.
Just. A weird amount of obsession.
Ok that should be it I think. Fic under the cut.
Jon's new boss was, quite possibly, the most boring man in the world. He wore the same outfit every day (pale dress shirt with dark unpatterned tie and gray slacks and matching suit jacket). The only personal effect in his entire office was a potted plant on the windowsill (some sort of succulent, and definitely fake). He always arrived to work exactly half an hour early and left exactly half an hour late. The only hobby he appeared to show any interest in was scheduling, which he seemed to find both deeply engaging and remarkably irritating. In fact, he was apparently so opposed to the idea of mixing his work with his personal life that he might as well not have existed beyond the walls of their office. Jon had never been more fascinated by anyone else in his entire life.
It stared with the transfer to the accounting department. Elias had met with him personally to get him acclimated to his new role. He had been blandly polite, and blandly handsome, and Jon had stopped listening to him about five minutes into their conversation. It was probably bad form, really. The software Elias was droning on and on about sounded like it was about to become a central feature of his days. He really should've been paying attention to it. Instead, he pretended to make eye contact while zeroing in on the top of Bouchard's forehead (a very useful trick, really) and became inordinately focused on the small lock of hair that had fallen across it. It was terribly distracting, and Jon had wondered how he hadn't noticed it. And then he wondered how it had come to be there. And then he had built up an entire story involving a murder, an illicit affair with the assistant director of marketing, and the potted succulent. And then he had noticed Bouchard eying him with what could've been suspicion or amusement or irritation or nothing whatsoever, and had been forced to rapidly pretend to care about their company's bad debt expense policy. Bouchard had indulged him, and had spoken with the calm authority of someone who knew what they were talking about, and had even managed to avoid being overtly condescending (a feat forever out of Jon's reach). At the end he had shaken Jon's hand (with a nice, firm grip), and had told him "I'm looking forward to working with you, I'm sure you'll make a wonderful member of our team." Jon had left that meeting with a mind shrouded in a fog of boredom and a faint sensation of warmth which he decided was best attributed to curiosity and left otherwise unexamined. Over the next few weeks, Jon had tried to subtly inquire into Bouchard's life. At the time, he had been naively under the impression that surely he must have let slip something about his life; some odd quirk or funny story or harmless bit of information which could justify Jon's blooming curiosity. Unfortunately; "He lives in Chelsea, I'm pretty sure?" (Sasha) "He's currently in a meeting. Honestly Jon, you'll be better off just sending an email. Now can I please get back to work?" (Rosie, probably lying about the meeting) "He actually lives here in the office. Set up a cozy little home away from home in one of the storage closets and sneaks out at night to raid the canteen. And he's having an affair with the assistant director of marketing." (Tim, definitely lying (but maybe a mind reader? Also, full of brilliant ideas for places Jon could maybe set up a cot whenever he needs to stay overnight)) Clearly, Jon would have to take matters into his own hands if he wanted answers. That was fine. It could be his own private little research project.
Jon liked to think that the entire thing had actually been quite reasonable, and that he had acted within the bounds of their pre-established relationship as employee and supervisor. Surely any rational person had to realize that nobody could possibly be that uninteresting. Anyone would be curious as to what dark secrets Bouchard his behind his well-tailored suits and polite, professional demeanor. … perhaps most rational persons would not meticulously record the movements, behavior, and daily appearance of their colleague in a discreet notebook (with annotations, color-coding, and graphs where appropriate), but Jon had always prided himself on his dedication to research and understanding. So far Jon had collected frustratingly little data. If Bouchard was hiding anything, it wasn't apparent from his schedule (see pages 8-13, figure 2.b), his eating habits (see page 22), or his lone plant (see page five, figure 1.c). His breaks did seem specially timed to avoid other people (and he appeared not to engage in many social behaviors generally), but he never acted irritated or otherwise unhappy to encounter one of his subordinates, so Jon wasn't entirely sure if it was deliberate avoidance or simple coincidence. Really, the only truly odd thing about him was his inexplicable interest in Jon. That very morning, for example, Bouchard had stopped by his cubicle for a fifteen minute discussion on the upcoming Annual Team Luncheon, an event Jon had never attended before (due to an annual migraine which coincidentally always happened to occur on the exact date of the luncheon), which Jon did not plan to attend, and which honestly sounded like some sort of violation of the Geneva Convention. The topic itself was not especially odd (small talk was an archaic tradition which had stubbornly clung on in every workplace Jon had ever set foot in), but Bouchard's low propensity for inter-office socialization combined with the fact that he had both chosen Jon specifically as his conversational partner was… highly suspicious. Most people who encountered Jon inevitably concluded that he was more effort than he was worth (an attitude Jon mostly appreciated).
And of course, there had also been their interaction two days ago, when Elias had paused briefly to inquire as to whether Jon would be staying late, and what he was working on, and if he might perhaps consider heading home soon because there was only so much overtime they could pay him. Or on Friday, when he had managed to hold two separate conversations with Jon where very little was said. Honestly, Jon somewhat suspected that Elias had spoken to him more in the past few weeks than he had spoken to any of their colleagues for the entire time Jon had been there to observe him. Most of Jon's notes were now dedicated to their interactions. From his cot in the unused storage room (which was indeed a good place to stay overnight, thank you Tim), he could jot down everything he recalled about their interaction; it had begun at 8:32 and had concluded at 8:47; the weather was warm and slightly humid, although the office interior remained at a comfortable 21 °C. Bouchard's shirt had been a nice, cool gray, which complemented the silver of his eyes. Jon (who had been busy digging for his favorite pen (the ink was a lovely deep green color, and it was usually kept on the left side of the top desk drawer, and Jon had no idea where else it could have possibly gone)) had settled on "irritation" as his tone, which Bouchard either had not noticed or had not cared enough to acknowledge. He had easily dominated the conversation, and Jon could admit in the sanctity of his research journal that his voice had been soothing enough to cool away some of Jon's annoyance. He wrote his conclusion: Subject behaved near-identically in tone, posture, body language, and apparent mood as he has in all previous communications. Subject displayed no strong thoughts or opinions on subject of discussion nor conversational partner. Interaction was pleasant but slightly dull, no new information discovered. It was almost exactly the same as every previous conclusion. Jon had to admit, so many months with so little progress was… discouraging. He shifted on the narrow mattress and winced when his movements aggravated his backache (which was surely unrelated to his frequent occupancy of the cot). It was becoming more and more apparent that the only possible solution was to do some actual, direct investigation. His first idea (break into Bouchard's office) seemed a tad far (also, he didn't know how to pick locks). His second idea (follow him home) seemed a stretch further than the previous one, and was perhaps best saved as a last resort. His third idea (something something computers? (perhaps "idea" was a bit generous)) would almost certainly require Sasha, who would have questions Jon couldn't answer. He flipped idly through his notes, half-skimming, half-thinking. It was only when his gaze landed on figure 2.b, Weekly Schedule of E. Bouchard, that he actually came up with something reasonable. Something actionable.
#wish there was a way to search for all italicized text in a wordpad document... cause tumblr de-italicized it all lol#anyway jon manages to be an eye-aligned Freak even when the eye doesn't exist#worried this is ooc tbh but fuck it we ball ig.#anyway hope you enjoyed.#i am. i am so unbelievably nervous about posting this in a way that invites the scrutiny of people beyond my trusted mutuals.#anyway i'm personally deeply entertained by the idea of elias trying to be the most boring version of himself possible.#like just for fun. he's having a great time and nobody else is sure that he has a personality. idk it just speaks to me#also i made them accountants because that's my destiny. there are spreadsheets in my future. the stars have spoken.#but that's ok because i like them. they're kinda soothing honestly.#i really enjoyed principals of accounting tbh.#i barely know what i'm typing at this point i'm super tired lmao.#but this isn't about me this is about Them.#jon saw elias (barely talks to anyone. has never mentioned a personal life. primarily focused on Work.) and went 'wow. freakish.#i've never seen this behavior in anyone before. anyway i'm going to avoid speaking w/ my coworkers whenever possible#and move into a storage closet so i can stay late whenever i want.'#elias 100% knows about that btw. i imagine its the sort of thing that would be difficult to hide. he's not gonna say anything tho <3#anyway sorting tags#jonelias#joneliasweek#joneliasweek2024#sparkwrites#anyway time for sims4 i think.
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raccoonnutella13 · 6 months
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why are ppl always so mean about taz :(
#every time theres a new arc everyone who only liked balance is like 'oh if u dropped off after balance u have to listen to THIS arc bc its#JUST LIKE BALANCE'#every damn time.#it happened with ethersea a bit but especially w steeplechase and vs dracula#and u get ppl in the notes of these posts saying 'oh yeah i fucking hated everything after balance sooo glad theyre finally doing exactly#what i want them to!!'#like. its ok to have personal preference but dont be mean about it :(#and comparing every campaign to balance is rlly annoying sry#let them be their own thing#stop being so blinded by nostalgia ig#like not to be rude but. i think ppl think balance is the most Perfect Thing Ever but its rlly...not#all the campaigns have flaws but i aint canceling them for that#like what happened with grad#idk its like if balance came later ppl would probably be much more mean about it#bc they wouldnt be blinded by nostalgia as much or smthn#anyways#at the end of the day the mcelroys shouldnt be expected to make a replica of balance every campaign#and thats not what theyre trying to do. theyre doing what THEY personally want to do. like they clearly dont care abt what others think lol#theyre experimenting and having fun#its like. a free podcast with a bunch of silly dudes playing for funsies. they shouldnt have such high expectations or be demonized#in any way#my point being. if i see anyone being mean abt taz u get blocked#>:(#coon speaks#not tagging taz. i dont wanna see nasty ppl in my notifs ty
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hypocriticaltypwriter · 4 months
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Does anyone know if there's any videos or sites out there that give really good detailed and extremely long descriptions of the characters and plots of each episode to Stranger Things? It's hard to explain, but I can find myself able to sit and watch the series, that and stuff that isn't silly clips/scenes without The UpsideDown and the other worldly things involved... I think reading it or listening to explanations would be a lot easier and better for me so I don't freak myself out. Or just some clips of the show in general that could make up most of/the entire show without all the icky involved? So if anyone has any suggestions please let me know!
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f0xgl0v3 · 2 months
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Camp Half Blood Schedule
As of now I have 14 pages for the schedule and describing stuff and activities and it’s all mush, my brain is mush and please I want to go home and see my family 🥺😭😭
In all reality this is a combination of procrastinating reading Tower of Nero because all the characters I really care about have been drop kicked out of the narrative and I’m at my grandparents house. I have nothing to do and I have a horrible sense of time so let’s get into this (plus sometime down the line I’ll go over HoO re-imagining like. Camp Jupiter processes but I’m reading some books about the Roman legion so I’m gonna, tough that out and then report back lol)
Disclaimer!! I don’t know what time is, time is something that eludes my brain and the only summer camp I’ve been to was a Christian one with a foster family because I was bored that summer and I said why not (I’m not Christian but it was funny). Also I like completely forgot if there is anything in the books that actually have schedule lore. I forgot most things with CHB to be honest.
So anyways, actual meat and potatoes
7:30- wake up and get ready. Yes 7:30 sounds reasonable to me. It gives the kids 30 minutes before breakfast and campers can wake up before the ‘official’ time.
On Fridays we have cabin inspections, dictated by the arbitrary ‘one day we picked someone to do it first and now we’re on a rotation’.
8:00-8:30; breakfast time, yes you only get 30 minutes for breakfast we have things to do and does it take you more than 30 minutes to gobble up breakfast? (No judgement it took me 2 hours to eat lunch one time) but If I ever let the other 13+ pages of notes come to light they’ll be more in depth stuff about. Everything, but breakfast time includes
- one cabin setting up the Dining Pavilion
-Everyone offering to the Gods
-Morning announcements!
-yum actually eat food
-plate staking/cleaning up the tables
8:30-10:00; the first activity. The activities are your going to the arena, or the forge, all that jazz. Uh, there’s a board in the Big House where counselors set up the schedules (as in signing up for activities n stuff and coordinating) I’ll get into it someday. Maybe.
10:00-12:00; Activity 2/downtime. Because pinky swear just chilling is an activity. Downtime is important. I wrote down that cabins can sign for the same thing back to back if they so wish. Also the rules are looser than the words clinging onto my brain so really anything happens. It’s CHB they laugh in the face of a rule.
12:00-12:30; Lunch time. Nothing special about it. Uh ,:3
12:30-2:00; third activity. Action packed days for the win!
2:00-4:00; fourth activity time. Also probably when most of the campers start cabin revolts. No one agrees on a schedule most of the time.
4:00-4:30; actual specific free time. Some moments to gather round and chill out. You’ve already spent most of your day, doing something.
4:30-5:30; activity 5. Most of the time this can just be a continuation of the free time.
Don’t ask me what those extra 10 minutes are for no one really ever knows
After 6 o’ clock no one is allowed on the lake. Sorry man
6:00; also the beginning of Dinner. Dinner goes as planned, usually with some Camp wide event happening because of course. Can’t have good stuff here at camp/j
7:00; Camp Sing-a-long times!
7:30-8:00; your stuck in the Cabin circle but at least you get those last few minutes to hang out without the threat of harpies later in the night.
8:00; all campers enter cabins for like getting ready to go to bed and stuff. Get your last conversations in
8:30; official curfew is in effect. No one can leave the cabins except for counselors who need to plan the next day because they aren’t planning their full week on Sunday.
I have notes also on like. Everything else ,:3 Chiron gets lessons and the Cabins have to do those and stuff. Sorry I haven’t been, posting long posts like this for a while lol. I’ll probably get some HoO re-imagined Camp Jupiter content out once I finish this one book I’m reading and have my CJ notebook (yes I do have a whole notebook dedicated to CJ there’s my fun fact). Also, at some point I’d like to introduce Charlico (Chiron’s WIFE) to CHB if possible. Love you Charlico/j
Okay ,:3 I think I sound a little delirious, tomorrow I have to get on a plane and after that I have to go stay a week at someone else’s place. I’ll see all of you soon to talk about the forge or something. Or maybe I’ll finally get my master lists all sorted out and stuff lol.
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treesbian · 3 months
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sometimes the kids at work will say things and all i can think of is how our families have different financial situations. yesterday this one kid was talking about his travel plans for this year and next year and in my head i was like. you can travel internationally??? and for two years in a row???
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cha1cedony · 6 months
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Idk what it is that makes me fixate so hard on one specific thing for years at a time, but I need it to chill out 😭 DnDads has been my only long-term media interest for like 1 and 1/2 years now, and it’s BORING to only like one thing ever lol I’m BORED!!! I need other things to be interested in, but I struggle with getting into new stuff (other than video games) sooo bad :(
That said, if you have DnD podcast recs that have interesting characters……… GIMME 👀 Also where the early episodes aren’t a nightmare to listen to 🙏 I have never listened to any other DnD podcasts, and I think it’s mostly bc the earlier seasons are always poor audio quality or like 3 hours long 😭 I’m also good with any type of narrative podcast. I just want compelling characters and platonic/familial dynamics pls. Stuff I can write sad shit about!! But also not TOO sad the whole time… maybe a little bit silly idk
So far, ones I’ve written down to listen to are Cast Party and Friends at the Table? I don’t know anything about either of them, though so? Also I keep seeing my mutuals posting Oxventure and Woe.Begone (although the latter isn’t a DnD podcast.. I think?) sooooo let me know your thoughts. And recommendations! Send me your propaganda! Tell me about your blorbos
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greatyme · 7 months
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Okay. So. I had a whole 1700+ word essay written about my thoughts on too many bl fans assuming actors are straight but it was very uhhh rant formatted and got too heated so I’m gonna try again and be a little more chill and concise abt it…
Let me get straight to the point. I didn’t mention fanservice or shipping real people in that little post I made (I wasn’t expecting it to get any notes tbh lmao) but that’s very much related to what I’m talking about. In my experience, being vehemently against fanservice and rps goes hand in hand with assuming these actors are straight which is of course heteronormativity (homophobia!).
Fanservice & shipping are a vital part to the bl ecosystem, and they aren’t going away any time soon. And I don’t mean because it’s great for promoting a product or an upcoming series (which, yes, it can be, not denying that) but fanservice, in fact, queers our perception of “truth” and “reality” when it comes to these actors’ lives. When an actor is purposefully vague about their relationship or sexuality, they’re able to simultaneously not put themselves at risk by being “out” in a more traditional/upfront (perhaps western…) sense while also being capable of being perceived as queer to some degree by their audience. Infinite homosexuality glitch! Shippers are important because they play a role in believing their fav bl couple are together for real aka they are gay for real (also it’s just fun to do…). Yes, some people overstep boundaries but for the most part people are capable of being respectful.
I see a lot of people say bl actors are absolutely not dating each other and 99% of them are straight and probably even homophobic etc. constantly but like… who told you that? If anything, a job where you’re perceived as gay while still being not out enough (having such a hard time phrasing what I mean by this lol) to keep your safety would be way more appealing to literal queer people right? And surely most actors know what they’re getting into by partaking? Yes there can be issues with fanservice, rps, etc. but I can’t help but notice everyone seems to be focused on the issues and never the benefits. Assuming the majority of bl actors are straight is just plain homophobic, and I might argue it’s counterproductive to resist and say it’s “none of my business” when they’re purposefully going out of their way to make it our business (if you’re not into fanservice/shipping that’s fine whatever but what I’m saying is they are trying to make a point to be visibly queer on some level). Yeah, not everyone is gay, I know. But I have a good feeling there’s a lot more queer people in the industry than most people assume.
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lildoodlenoodle · 1 year
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Not the spiderverse art book restarting the dying down Hobie age discourse. With the Japanese version implying he’s a ‘young boy’(I think that’s what it was either way either way) and the book saying ‘he’s much older than miles..’(smth like that either way either way) and it’s like seriously? Again? AGAIN?
The directors said it’s up to interpretation. And the only reason(w/ the exclusion of the people thinking he’s like 30 cause that’s weird and gross, re-examine some racial biases)that people are so adamant he is or isn’t a minor is because of shipping! Whether it’s with one of the spider teens or with OCs or justifying self shipping it’s weird! It’s weird that that’s the reason people are going nuts over this shit and dying on their respective hills. And let people have their HCs holyshit.
And to reiterate: it’s not proshipping/pedoshit if someone HCs Hobie as a teen and ships them with one of the spider teens. It’s not necessarily fetishization and is not pedoshit if people HC him as a young adult and do self ships or whatever else goes on there.
It’s fandom let people fuck around. Something doesn’t have to be justified as morally wrong for you not to like it. Stop trying to force your own Head Canons, key word HEAD as in the canon in your head, onto other people.
Sorry for the rant I just cannot believe it’s still going.
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ereh-emanresu-tresni · 3 months
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#I'm not sober so forgive me for ranting about this it's your fault for reading my tags anyway lol but anyway#it's so frustrating how hard it is to relate to people in a culturally Christian society where everyone feels like#they fundamentally Deserve divine paradise by nature and were screwed out of it by past generations' sins and Wanting Things is actually#is a normal and good state of mind that will inevitably unequivocally be resolved if not in an explicitly religiously rapturous sense#then in like a 'reform/revolution well bring us to utopia' sense#and the notion that not being given that is a Problem With Existence™ to be Solved#never realizing that wanting things in an existence that can and will never grant them all is the problem you need to accept can't and won't#ever be solved#and idk the nature of tag syntax is that my train of thought has long since derailed but I'm tired of having conversations invariably lead#lead to like 'sure i get where you're coming from from a Higher Logical Ideology but i could never fundamentally accept it'#about shit that i don't don't as higher logical endpoints but start with as fundamental premises#like i don't be like '... ... ... and so death is inevitable' but rather 'death is the inseparable shadow of life and so ... ...'#but i can't have a fucking conversation without walking on the eggshells of them being like sO mE aNd OuR fRiEnDs DeSeRvE tO dIE?????'#as if anyone deserving anything for better or for worse is anything but a red herring that derails from what we're actually getting#and id fucking k y'all the suns coming up and i took an extra shift today and my brain is soup if this is bad then again ig u should'nt've#read my tags lmao so yeah good night
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kuiinncedes · 3 months
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:P
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#i finally did smth w my bored as fuck want to create state lol#lyric from close to you by gracie a/brams the way i was just looking thru lyrics and saw this#and im like idk what that means but i like the words#the rest of these tags are unrelated af lol#yeo what the fuck do the j/atp boys have canonical birthdays#the way im like going crazy trying to find if it's canon or just a tumblr made up thing LMAO#me planning this j/atp watch party w my freidns for july 7 (which was coincidental)#(and lowkey for my bday but theyre busy on my actual bday)#and i was like wait i'm pretty sure july 7th is literally alex's bday#but i cannot tell if actualy canon from what i have found that says july 7 for alex idk what the SOURCE is lol#it def is on tumblr at least tho lmao#bro why does doing this kind of for my bday make me like embarrassed or smth lmfao 💀#like ughhhh i wanna hang out w my friends for my bday that's so weird and embarrassing euhghhh LMAO#anyway i'm so excited to reignite al my embarrassing j/atp crazy fan things w my other crazy j/atp fan friend LOL#i rewatched to a point where i was reciting the lines back to the screen and doing choreography 💀💀💀 so#i'm so excited tho LMFAO i haven't watched in sooooo long 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i'm literally gonna be unable to stop smiling and/or crying#if i'm in a crying mood i will def be crying bc i miss them so much#if not i will literally just be uncontrollably smiling the whole fucking time#i'm coming home baybee LMAO#(jk maybe that would be like rewatching gIee for the first time in a long time . which still has to happen ig lol)#jeanne talks
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daz4i · 9 months
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let me preface this by clarifying i am not anti therapy in any way whatsoever and in fact encourage people to get therapy if they can and even go the extra step to help friends find the right type of therapy that may help them
ok now that that's out of the way.
therapy is bullshit man you go to a therapist saying "hey. i wanna kill myself. can you help me stop wanting to kill myself somehow?" and they go "sure! first step, stop wanting to kill yourself" and you say "well i can't. that's why i came to you. bc i don't know. how to stop wanting to kill myself" and they'll say "that's a shame. i can't help you if you want to kill yourself. that'll be 125$ please"
#mad abt my old therapist again#even checked the cost of sessions in usd to make this accessible. came out to be 124$ and a bit. and i did that on a weekly basis for YEARS#and i'm extra mad bc trying to find a new therapist is already hard esp with bpd where your options are very limited as is#but when they ask abt my history with therapy and they ask why i stopped seeing him after years. what am i supposed to say#so that scares them off and they say they can't help me or they're like. scared to go deep with me ig. bc idk. they're scared I'll snap?#what am i supposed to do. hospitalizing myself isn't an option obvs. what is there left.#it feels like a cycle#like. 'i can't help you if you don't want to help yourself'. but i need help even figuring out how to want that#and it's not like ppl in my life know how to help. tbh they usually make it worse. so loved ones aren't an option and professionals aren't -#- an option. so what is there left. how am i supposed to do a thing that comes naturally to others but not to me#even with medication even being in a recovery program i want to kms more than i used to for years#I'm supposedly taking the right steps. but. to get metaphorical ig. the road is crumbling and there's nowhere to go#and that only makes me spiral more. despite taking the right steps i feel like i'm only getting worse. there's no hope for me. lol#vent#suicide //#negative //#ask to tag#i need a good cry like full-on sobbing and screaming but unfortunately. i became too emotionally constipated for that
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reverie-starlight · 6 months
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i turn 20 in one week 🥹
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steampunkedparm · 4 months
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blargh i hate when everything reminds of one person :(
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