#<- that lyric also fits us both post-run away tbh

[outrageousandinevitable]

A few months ago I fell down a Double Black/Soukoku rabbit hole thanks to I Was Screaming Your Name Through The Radio (by ElectricSplatter on AO3) and made a fucking playlist about them. Yesterday i was listening to it and Dancing With Our Hands Tied came on and the more i thought about it, the more it fit!!! so here's the analysis nobody asked for but i felt compelled to write.

I, I loved you in secret

First sight, yeah, we love without reason

starting off strong with "i loved you in secret". We can agree it wasn't first sight or without reason but... stay with me here.

I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Picture of your face in an invisible locket

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it

I had a bad feeling

This to me feels a lot like the Double Black tour, especially towards the end when they're both somewhat aware of their feelings for eachother and "i had a bad feeling" is Dazai worrying about Mori using those feelings against eachother. Also, "picture of your face in an invisible locket" just gives me Dazai listening to the pen Chuuya gave him for his birthday -even after leaving PMR- and feeling kind of pathetic about it.

And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis

People started talking, putting us through our paces

I knew there was no one in the world who could take it

I had a bad feeling

BABES THE BEDSHARING, DAZAI JUST HELPING CHUUYA WITH HIS NIGHTMARES BY BEING THERE. The bad feeling returns, what if Mori finds out? what if he looks at them and he just knows?

But we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

Like it was the first time, first time

I'd never really thought about this until yesterday (i'm not into analyzing lyrics that much tbh), but "hands tied" normally refers to being limited by an external force. You can use it as an excuse for something you really don't want to do or it can be an actual fucking limit that you can not cross for whatever reason. This, to me, is post-tour, when Chuuya's with the Black Lizards and Dazai's training Akutagawa. Dazai feeling like he has to put on a show, pretend he doesn't feel so much for Chuuya, having to pretend to have "artistic differences" to convince the public of their falling out (especially when they performed at the Grammys). So it's pretty much him stepping on eggshells, trying not to give away too much, "like it was the first time", like it was in the beggining, not really trusting, still feeling eachother out. Him not telling Chuuya about his plan to bring Double Black back by training Akutagawa just in case Chuuya starts acting differently, "dancing with our hands tied".

I, I loved you in spite of

Deep fears that the world would divide us

So, baby, can we dance

Oh, through an avalanche?

"I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us" is so fucking on point.

And say, say that we got it

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

Oh, 'cause it's gravity

Oh, keeping you with me

"I'm a mess but i'm the mess that you wanted" i feel can apply to either of them, tbh. "cause it's gravity keeping you with me", the way they always circle back together. Dazai post-PMR recognizing Chuuya's songwriting the minute Kajii's album drops, Chuuya recognizing Dazai's songwriting in Run, Melos! and figuring out he ghost wrote it and which name he had used.

Also, "cause it's gravity" is just a Chuuya reference, Taylor.

But we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

Like it was the first time, first time

Yeah, we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

(Ooh, we had our hands tied)

And I had a bad feeling

But we were dancing

We come back to the chorus BUT now think about it with ADA Dazai and PMR Chuuya. Them criticizing each other? Trying to get a rise out of the other in interviews? While trying to not let the fact that they still care bleed through their facades? they're dancing with their hands tied (performing for the public -and eachother-) like it was the first time (need i remind you of all the initial trash talk between these two?).

I'd kiss you as the lights went out

Swaying as the room burned down

I'd hold you as the water rushes in

If I could dance with you again

I think that "If I could dance with you again" is Chuuya writing his love song.  “But I’m the fool, I’m the idiot. Because half the songs I write still start out as duets.” How fucking vulnerable do you have to let yourself be to write that. It's Dazai and his "Because I had already recognized that I would never tire of the sound of your voice but the second I heard it intertwine with mine there was never any longer any choice. I had already decided not to die but it wasn’t until I made music with you that I truly started to live".

Okay this is as far as i got. Please bear in mind that the last time I read this fic was about a month ago so the details aren't as sharp as they were in december. So yeah, this is the end of my rambling. If you've gotten this far, thank you so much and i would absolutely love to hear your thoughts!!!!

[j2zara]

🧭♻️🤔🖍️🤡 teehee

🧭An alternative title to your/ one of your WIP(s)?

I’ll cheat b/c im scared to say with certainty what an alt title is for my WIPs when i might go back to it. That being said, if you wanna know the titles of my Docs they’re so funny bc im scared of giving myself away so they’re all titled stuff like. LJ3P, ZJP, Pre-SB, J2JP etc etc.

Anyway. Why is it all of sudden i can’t think of anything…. The problem is there are a couple i could throw out but i also am considering using them for LJ3P or LJ3 fwb wip titles

There was a version of Biggest Lie that had a lyric from Casual as it’s title but i genuinely can’t remember what it was.

Oh! I remember one. i might’ve mentioned this before but “and he’s not with you (the universe must have divined this)” from Boyfriend was in the running for Stay / Leave! Picking something for that one was tough. (IYWD and Almost were ones that once it hit i felt so Certain w/ honestly not that much waffling. IYWD was a joke title i just started to like For Real and meanwhile settling on something Biggest Lie n Stay / Leave were llke UGH.)

♻️A scrapped idea for your current WIP

There was a whole version of LJ3porter that actually DID involve devils honey but I think the idea of a substance like that fucking with Ellie’s head had like darker implications for her than it did for blue b/c he was like. kinda into it. that being said in the draft she subjected herself to it but it still felt weird b/c it was fucking with her memory and making it unreliable narrator and i wasn’t sure how to convey that without the vibe coming across that like. Porter had a hand in it or something.

Tbh the devils honey stuff is actually a better fit for the LJ3 LSOP macbeth concept so im glad there��s a place for it bc i do think Ellie having a devils honey moment IS interesting but its not right for this story

🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

mentioned so so so so so briefly but again i think writing some sort of reincarnation au fic would be fun. I don’t have any concrete ideas for it but i do want ellie to find her boys.

I also geuinely am. still. like so so so so so so compelled by the concept of a LJ3 LSOP macbeth fic, especially the version with the use of devil’s honey which i know is a hard sell but idc. But i think something like. intentionally kind of disorienting and maybe even J4 pov would be difficult but like so so interesting. The Eternal Sunshine angle like really got to me but ALSO there might be an excuse to write LJ3Porter toxic threesome which i think is fun

I won’t lie. the thing about anxious overthinking girlfriend Ellie x boyfriend who fucks her till she can’t think straight j3 convo especially the degredation stuff where they get kinda mean w/ each other like absolutely gripped me so like. I may do that too. Lol

🖍Post Any sentence from your wip

Ellie’s arms dangle off the bed.

“This thing is too small for the both of us…” says J3 with a shaky laugh. He knows what he wants to really say, but he’s too afraid to say it.

J4 is quiet, still on top of him. “Sorry, I didn’t—I… I don’t want things to be complicated. You know?”

He should tell her the truth. “Probably for the best.”

🤡 How many Wips are you actively working on?

Tee hee indeed. I am boo boo the fool.

oh my god. Um… LJ3Porter wip (i will not shut up abt this). LJ3 FWB fic. Are the main two.

J2JacePorter w/ creeper Jace is waiting until AFTER i finish at least one of those but its not abandoned so it counts and it is something i do wanna finish so badly. The docs for my Pre-shatterstar sb fic and the Zarajaceporter fic i haven’t touched in a hot sec but like. I wouldn’t consider them abandoned, i’ll probably return to them… And I almost forgot that I have a j2j3 prompt i need to finish that i did work on a little bit the other day but like. wasn’t happy with. And i technically have written for the Oliviaviola J2 seducing Jace for Porter fic. Like. A few sentences but i do want to finish it. Anyway it’s absolutely histerical that I am genuinely like. But what if i started a reincarnation au wip or an LJ3 macbeth fic!

So like. 2.75 that i’m actually volleying between with real sincerity, and i think 7-ish to count like. i have not given up on it and do plan on finishing it.

[tlplayground]

Nagao Kei - MIRROR | Lyrics Translation

I love this so much!!

Already loved it the moment Nagao posted the preview the day before the release, but at the same time I was a bit wary too. What if I don't like the full version (this is just me not wanting to get my hopes up too much lol).

But turns out I worried over nothing. As shown in the preview, of course there's Nagao's strong and clear vocal, which I've liked since the moment I heard FuKeiZai's Tsugai Kogarashi cover. But turns out I also really like the arrangement, lyrics, and story.

When I first read the video description, I was quite surprised. The original concept of the song actually came from Nagao himself!? It's a really pleasant surprise. Also the theme of trying to conform to society's expectation and losing sight of yourself really hits home tbh lol. And the release timing nicely fits the moment fresh graduates are starting their first week of work.

Anyway, congrats on the original song release and thank you Nagao!

The concept of the MV itself is interesting, it's like a video manga. So I will be posting the TL for both the lyrics and manga below (the post got too long lol, posting the manga TL on a separate post). Please listen to the song and go through both, the lyrics and story are so good and I think many people can resonate with it.

Lyrics translation:

You, who live in the mirror You’re the image I’m after, You’re the definition of correct after all  I kept on asking the questions which answers I couldn’t see As if imitating, I merely kept on dancing

The right way for me to be has been deeply ingrained within me I fixed every quirk of my body one by one I got further away from the figure in the mirror And I’ve come to hate myself for it

As time goes, I don’t know what’s right anymore What on earth am I supposed to believe Surely everything has their flaws The closer I get to you The more everything falls apart

MIRROR answer me Show me the right way for me to be Tell me now Show me the image I longed for There’s nothing The broken mirror is not true This unsightly you Is no longer needed

I came to notice that correctness is not clearly defined So I fixed a fake smile on my face Seeing people going through the days over and over It’s so dreadful, I could only run away

No matter how, I always Wanted to be something I thought that’s the right way to be So I was drawn to it Since when Did I get things so wrong The closer I got to you The more I lost everything

MIRROR answer me Show me a clear figure of myself Tell me now Of this person who can no longer be anything anymore

MIRROR answer me Show me the right way for me to be Tell me now Of the figure I cling so hard to There’s nothing The mirror shows me nothing This unsightly you Is what’s true right now

TL notes below

I'm not that satisfied with my translation this time, but since I don't think I can work on this next week, I guess it's better to just post it now than leaving it as a forever WIP.

To me, the song tells a story of someone who's trying to chase that image of "correctness" in her mind, only to realize that the more she does that, the more she's losing herself. In order to be able to move forward, first she has to accept who she actually is, be it the good or the bad.

Anyway, that's my interpretation. I found it interesting how often 正しい (and its related forms) which means "correct", as well as 姿 which means "figure", are repeated throughout the song. It really emphasizes this "image of correctness" the MC is after.

At first I wanted to convey this, to try to find words that could be used multiple times on the translation to show the focus on this "image of correctness". But I realized that in English it sounds quite unnatural, especially because different context and sentence sounds better with different word choices. So that's how this translation came to be.

This time I tried to focus more on conveying the meaning. I think some sentences still sound a bit janky, but I feel the more natural sentence options kinda lose some context, so I'll take the more janky translation this time.

[reyev]

To save everyone on discord from my endless song ramblings. I have decided to make the annotated playlist post here. Under the cut is every song on my Juno/Nureyev/Jupeter playlist with explanations and lyric excerpts that really Get me about them. Bon appetit and whatnot.

If you want to listen to the playlist and/or steal the songs you can find it on Spotify and Apple Music.

Also shoutout to everyone in the Penumbra Creator Collective discord. Yes most of these are songs I stole from other people and/or playlists. I don't listen to music ♡

(There is a heavy Nureyev bias in here. I'm a Nureyev girlie. Who knew.)

I'm Good, I'm Gone - Lykke Li Nureyev who runs away from him fucking problems. Juno who ALSO run away from him fucking problems! They love to run away from everything.

And if you say I'm not okay with miles to go If you say there ain't no way that I could know If you say I aim too high from down below Well say it now 'cause when I'm gone You'll be calling, but I won't be at the phone And I'm hanging around 'til it's all done You can't keep me back once I had some No wasting time to get it right And you will see what I'm about

Love Don't Die - The Fray Nureyev u-haul swag is real. And then in season 3 when they are so clearly…sooo happy together. Like they would die for each other even if they don't stay for each other. They are in love ♡

If I know one thing that's true It ain't what you say, it's what you do And you don't say much, yeah, that's true But I listen when you do No matter where we go Or even if we don't And even if they try They'll never take my body from your side Love don't die

Kiss With A Fist - Florence + the Machine This is very much fitting with the crime boss Roses AU. But also in general Juno and Nureyev bond through a lot of suffering. And also also Juno "active desire to do me harm" Steel.

Blood sticks, sweat drips Break the lock if it don't fit A kick in the teeth is good for some A kiss with a fist is better than none

Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend - Julie London Heist song!!!! And also Man in Glass Nureyev.

Men grow cold As girls grow old And we all lose our charms in the end But square-cut or pear-shaped These rocks don't loose their shape Diamonds are a girl's best friend

Fucking Boyfriend - the bird and the bee I think it fits them. TBH to be honest. Especially Murderous Mask and Man in Glass.

There is something wrong and there is something right When you can take me by the hands and I will close my eyes When you laid down with me you took the other side When you laid down with me you never slept that night Are you working up to something, but you give me almost nothing Keep me helpless up to something on my knees

Runaways - All Time Low The fantasy of running away together! Nureyev says let's run away and forget everything and they consider it for a little bit, tbh!!!

So let's run away They will have to find another heart to break Why don't we just run away? Never turn around, no matter what they say We'll find our way When the sun goes down on this town There'll be no one left but us

W.A.M.S. - Fall Out Boy Juno self-hate and loves to ignore things with sex.

Hurry, hurry You put my head in such a flurry, flurry Reflect, reflect on what makes you so special Oh, what makes you so special? I'm gonna leave you Oh, I'm gonna teach you How we're all alone How we're all alone, oh, oh

Never Love an Anchor - The Crane Wives Juno cutting Nureyev loose because he thinks he's the anchor and Nureyev is the ship.

There are times where I still wonder about you You are someone I have loved but never known And you'll never see the reasons I had For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you

Come With Me - Chxrlotte Final resting place. Especially Nureyev's POV.

They won't find us, you and I Can watch the stars fall from the sky The world ends eventually, so come with me

Complicated - Avril Lavigne Juno and Nureyev both seeing what each other are hiding and so frustrated by it. Especially Juno watching Nureyev wear a mask around their family.

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're Actin' like you're somebody else, gets me frustrated Life's like this, you And you fall, and you crawl, and you break And you take what you get and you turn it into Honesty and promise me, I'm never gonna find you fake it No, no, no

Cherry Thrill - Movements "Who knows what kind of trouble we could cause?"

Ooh, am I the only one? I think it might be fun Drop everything and run Ooh, you look so fit to kill World explodes and I'm with you still Hypnotized in your cherry thrill I'm feeling lucky, I'm feeling charmed You pick the roles, I'll play the part One robs the bank, one drives the car And we run the job like a work of art

Fair - The Amazing Devil Hopelessly and uselessly in love.

"It's not fair, it's not fair how much I love you It's not fair 'cause you make me ache, you bastard" And they'll say "Oh how, oh how unreasonable How unreasonably in love I am with everything you do I'll spend my days so close to you 'cause if I'm stood here Then I'm stood here And I'll stand here I'll stand here with you"

Neptune - Sleeping At Last Nureyev is allergic to the truth but can't help being a hopeless romantic!!!!

I'm only honest when it rains If I time it right, the thunder breaks When I open my mouth I wanna tell you, but I don't know how I'm only honest when it rains An open book with a torn out page And my ink's run out I wanna love you, but I don't know how

It's Always Sunny With You - {Parentheses} Nureyev learning how to love in the present instead of just the past. He loves Juno!!!

You caught me when I was falling down Picked me up when I was on the ground You were warm when everything was cold On you, I have been sold I thought I was drowning once, but then You made my life happy once again I thought I was lost but now I'm found It's you I wanna be around

Black Sheep - Metric Nureyev loves to self-flagellate by going back even when it hurts. And also he is literally the black sheep of the crew.

I'll send you my love on a wire Lift you up, every time Everyone, ooh Pulls away, ooh It's a mechanical bull, the number one You'll take a ride from anyone Everyone wants a ride Pulls away, ooh, from you

Bug Like an Angel - Mitski Nureyev making promises he can't keep! Because he loves Juno but he also is dedicated to his debts (literal and metaphorical).

Hey, what's the matter? Lookin' like your sticker Is stuck on a floor somewhere Did you go and make promises you can't keep? Well, when ya break them, they break you right back Amateur mistake, you can take it from me

Where Do You Run - The Score Nureyev and Juno both wanting to be wanted!! So badly!!!!

The bridges I have crossed since you've been next to me You showed me there's a life worth fighting for, yeah Now the tables turned and you're the one in need Just let me in I'll help you win this war, oh

Devil's Backbone - The Civil Wars Nureyev sees himself as broken but guess what!!! Juno loves you anyway bitch.

O Lord, O Lord, what have I done? I’ve fallen in love with a man on the run O Lord, O Lord, I’m begging you, please Don’t take that sinner from me Oh, don’t take that sinner from me

Love of My Life - Queen Nureyev learning what love really feels like with Juno and well. That's his other half now.

(Please bring it back, back) Bring it back, bring it back Don't take it away from me Because you don't know What it means to me (means to me) You will remember when this is blown over And everything's all by the way When I grow older I will be there at your side To remind you How I still love you (I still love you)

Suck the Blood From My Wound - Ezra Furman Magic healing in various AUs. But also the symbolism of angel Nureyev.

Blood on my angel's lips blends in with his makeup He's off the premises before his brain's had time to wake up Peeling off bandages to unfold his wings The doctors said they'd have to stay on for another three weeks Fuck it baby, let 'em bruise, let 'em break But please, let 'em bleed I let you walk as long as fear will allow I've never loved you more than I love you now And then we're back on the road before the sun's even up We're making time, we're making progress But progress towards what?

Hero - Faouzia Nureyev thinking that if he can be Juno's hero, Juno will be his savior. And he does, but not how either of them expect.

If I was your hero, would you be mine? I know this ain't a fairytale, this is real life But if I were to save you, would you do the same? And catch me if I'm fallin', fallin', fallin', fallin'?

Never There - CAKE Nureyev resenting Juno leaving him. Of course.

On the phone long, long distance Always through such strong resistance And first you say you're too busy I wonder if you even miss me

Only the Lonely Survive - Marianas Trench Nureyev running back to a "reality" without Juno. He's survived by being no one for years! He knows they're on limited time.

But I know A love like this will end in tragedy You know Every kiss suspending gravity Burns us both to love this close We lose ourselves And I know we won't get out alive But only the lonely survive

UNBELIEVABLE - Ethan Gander If Nureyev ever stops running away he'll fall to pieces, so he will keep running until he falls away.

The things I've done to run away Are unforgivable This debt I'm unable to pay Is unbelievable Oh so weary, no rest And still got miles ahead I've created a mess with my own bare hands

When Somebody Needs You [Song] - Will Wood Reuniting on the Carte Blanche and they just…wow they're okay? Actually? And then they both get to be needed by someone who's here.

Then you looked in my eyes and said "How dare you love me when you should despise me? You should be scared of me" It seems that that's what it means When somebody needs you

Promises - Beach Bunny Nureyev pissed at Juno but still wanting to be thought of. Because he's that bitch.

Part of me still wants you, part of me wants to fall asleep When we're all alone in your bedroom, you came like a reoccurring dream Part of me still hates you, how could you love someone and leave? When you're all alone in your bedroom, do you ever think of me?

You're a Cad - the bird and the bee Nureyev is so obsessed with Juno it makes him look stupid. Especially gap between end of FRP and CB. Also this is reverse AU Nureyev fr.

Still I tug at your line, I'm a fish on your hook You're rash and you're hasty, you're reckless with my heart Still I wait by the phone, I will never get smart I should be better, but I'm worse

A Night Like This - Caro Emerald The fantasy of being together, of running away, of being a pair. Murderous Mask, Train From Nowhere, and Final Resting Place vibes.

I have never dreamed it Have you ever dreamed a night like this? I cannot believe it I may never see a night like this When everything you think is incomplete Starts happening when you are cheek to cheek Could you ever dream it? I have never dreamed Dreamed a night like this

Tomcat Disposables - Will Wood The Pests and Nureyev dreaming of more.

And so I stumble back to bed Something's not quite right. Guess I'll just go rest my head Now as I lay me down to sleep I expect no dreams, and no sweet goodbye to me Flatline in the morning light. I held on so tight for so long It's just not right, let a sigh out as I close my eyes Was that all there was to this? What's for the best?

Liar - The Arcadian Wild Nureyev thinking there's nothing waiting underneath all his aliases and lies. Is there even a person there?

I am the host of this hostility I’m the master magician that makes you believe I’m real, I’m not fake, but in reality I’m a lying man My life’s become this grand game of deception My mind’s ignored all my heart’s good intentions We all feel this tension We all have our own illusions

Broken Boy - Cage the Elephant Nureyev!!!! Nureyev the Brahman child. Trying to grow past it but he's always going to be Peter Nureyev the Brahman child.

I was born on the wrong side of the train tracks I was raised with a strap across my back Lay me on my side or hold me up to the light, yeah I was burned by the cold kiss of a vampire I was bit by the whisper of a soft liar Any good friend of yours is a good friend of mine Broken boy, how does it feel? Broken boy, how does it feel? How does it feel? Tell me why I'm forced to live in this skin Tell me why I’m forced to live in this skin I'm an alien, I'm just an alien, oh Tell me why I was born to live in this skin Tell me how I’m supposed to be forgiven With my hand in the hive and the sun in my eyes, yeah

Chapter 6 Many Mistakes (feat. Jaye Prime) - Jax Anderson Both Juno and Nureyev have always caused problems for one another and thinking it over, even as they commit to their mistakes.

Late night thinkin 'bout many mistakes I never meant to hurt you Late night problems come and I can't escape I never meant to hurt you Late night wishin' I'd run away I never meant to hurt you Late night problems come and I can't escape I never meant to hurt you

Scene One - James Dean & Audrey Hepburn - Sleeping With Sirens Season 1 Nureyev, Season 5 Juno, Season 3 them together.

How the hell did you ever pick me? Honestly, cause I could sing you a song But I don't think words can express your beauty It's singing to me How the hell did we end up like this? You bring out the beast in me I fell in love from the moment we kissed Since then we've been history They say that love is forever Your forever is all that I need Please stay as long as you need Can't promise that things won't be broken But I swear that I will never leave Please stay forever with me

The Moon Will Sing - The Crane Wives Regrets and desires.

All those empty rooms We could have been anywhere, anywhere else Instead I made a bed with apathy My heart knew the weight Ten years worth of dust and neglect We made our peace with weariness And let it be

Extrasolar - Baths Juno's moral core, Nureyev's dedication to a promise he's made. Broken by who they are and also literally running off world!

Get offworld, get extrasolar Boot the motor, we've got time to waste (In every blot of space) Our goodwill is gonna kill us But come what may, we're on our way (Intrepid and unphased)

Into the Storm - BANNERS Nureyev who will always chase after Juno!!!!

So violently Held captive by your gravity Hold your breath and wait for me Where the wind may blow Through light and dark And fantasies that fall apart Know you're always in my heart Anywhere you go

First Love / Late Spring - Mitski Nureyev who had to learn to be mature so young, and now he's emotionally stunted!

And I was so young when I behaved twenty-five Yet now, I find I've grown into a tall child And I don't wanna go home yet Let me walk to the top of the big night sky

Francis Forever - Mitski Nureyev who has to prove himself to anyone whose approval he's ever valued. Mag, Juno, Vespa, Buddy!!

I don't need the world to see That I've been the best I can be, but I don't think I could stand to be Where you don't see me

Starlight - Muse They're in love, your honor.

Far away This ship has taken me far away Far away from the memories Of the people who care if I live or die Starlight I will be chasing a starlight Until the end of my life I don't know if it's worth it anymore Hold you in my arms I just wanted to hold You in my arms My life You electrify my life Let's conspire to ignite All the souls that would die just to feel alive I'll never let you go If you promise not to fade away Never fade away

Mercury - Sleeping At Last Nureyev thinking that Juno is the most precious thing. Even more than Slip or even more than his name!! They're in love.

I know the further I go The harder I try, only keeps my eyes closed And somehow I've fallen in love With this middle ground at the cost of my soul Yet I know, if I stepped aside Released the controls, you would open my eyes That somehow, all of this mess Is just my attempt to know the worth of my life

Pretty Little Things - The Crane Wives I don't think I need to argue this. It's so.

I cut straight to the heart I don't believe the pretty little things that you say I've heard a lot of little pretty things Don't buy me flowers It pains me to watch pretty little things wilt away Pretty little things wilt away Pretty little things wilt away

Hey Brother - Avicii Benten and Juno!! Bentenbentenbenten. (Also Steliana and Nureyev if you're a deep V lore follower.)

What if I'm far from home? Oh brother, I will hear you call What if I lose it all? Oh sister, I will help you out Oh, if the sky comes falling down For you, there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do

Twin Skeleton's (Hotel In NYC) - Fall Out Boy Both Juno and Nureyev trying to fill the emptiness of their past.

Keep making trouble 'til you find what you love I need a new partner in crime and you, you shrug that There's a room in a hotel in New York City That shares our fate and deserves our pity I don't want to remember it all The promises I made if you just hold on Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

Ruin - The Amazing Devil They ruin one another in the best fucking way. And being left alone? Remembering their time together.

Because brick by brick you built us And I'd fill in the cracks Nothing quite prepares you for When they don't come back I wish I'd done things different I wish that I'd been brave I wish I'd known these stones were something I could save

Metaphor - The Crane Wives Nureyev who thinks he's only a liar and is better at loving dead people than alive people.

I keep my closet free of skeletons 'Cause I'm much better at digging graves But I always dig up bones in your sympathy I can't trust a single thing you say

Brother - Kodaline Benten and Juno and what could've been with them. Ride or die. (Also Steliana and Nureyev. Don't @ me.)

We're living different lives Heaven only knows If we'll make it back with all our fingers and our toes Five years, twenty years, come back It will always be the same, oh-oh, oh-oh If I was dying on my knees You would be the one to rescue me And if you were drowned at sea I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe

A Message - Coldplay S1/S5 parallel feels.

Your heavy heart Is made of stone And it's so hard to see you clearly You don't have to be on your own You don't have to be on your own And I'm not gonna take it back And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that You're the target that I'm aiming at Can I get that message home?

Fool & The Thief - THE HARA Nureyev thinks he's a fool! He's stealing things, he's stealing time, he's foolish for loving.

The smile don't mean I'm fine It's just my disguise Laugh through gritted teeth Good at faking that I'm fine The mirror that I speak to Has a thousand eyes I get all the attention but they don't know the truth Imposter in my heavy head tells me what to do This 2am anxiety Pumps a hole straight through my chest

Honey and Glass - Peyton Cardoza How Nureyev sees Juno. They're in love your honor.

And she's dancing in the rain with her clothes on Drenched to the bone, never knows when she´s all gone But she's the life of the party and deep down I know That nobody flinches when she takes off her clothes And I wonder what's it like to be one of those girls To sit in the sun, and look at the world and never think "Wow, am I enough"

Becoming the Lastnames - Will Wood Domesticity arc. Espeeeecially in my belief that Nureyev dreams of it. Also Juno allowing himself to want it?

I'm not sure yet myself, but I learned from a good father Yeah, I mean, sure, they messed me up, but I think that's just the gig And maybe it's just some hormones that kick in in your late twenties But I have laid a lot of women, and now I'd like to just lay down And marriage always scared me, but I'd like to have a last love And love can last a pretty good long while, yeah, I've seen it around But if we grow old together, will you talk to my headstone? That is, assuming that I die first (which is fair) and assuming I don't leave Close enough to forever, I guess, to prove what I hope I mean, otherwise, how am I to believe?

Shiver - Mike Waters Nureyev who was willing to give away everything for Juno and Juno still left him. He probably thinks about that a lot in the next year.

But I don’t need excuses And I don’t need your love And I’m a little dumb And I’m a little stupid for speaking from my heart And I’m a little numb 'cause I could hear your footsteps When you left last night

Foolish Believer - Broadside Nureyev who thinks he's not whole but that Juno can somehow fill that for him. He needs to do the work later. Get your character development arc bro.

I can't shake the feeling All the world is just a stage And everybody's acting Hoping that the crowd will numb the pain So here goes another line from a fading light I need your love 'cause I've sold all mine Don't walk away

[littlestpetship]

just thinking about the kunival parallels in the song If I Were by Vashti Bunyan. "she didnt love me anyway / if she had she would have stayed" is how kuni felt when i ran away from the fatui (he probably resent me for a little while and considered it a betrayal. cries my eyes out) "he didnt love me now its clear / if he had he would be here" is now my s/i felt waiting for kuni to find her but instead he went to sumeru to become a man-made god... WAHHH!!!!!! *dies dies di

[burningarsenic]

"Curses" by The Crane Wives is a Stan Pines song and y'all are sleeping on it

This is gonna be the most self-indulgent and random post i've made in a while because Curses is such a great song and it fits Stanley so well BUT NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT ITTT

I think y'all can get why it fits Stan but i need to ramble so here goes analyzing every lyric and how it fits with Stan

(not taking the original intent/meaning behind the song into account here btw)

(also "darling" will be interpreted as platonic obviously go away weirdos)

There's a fire in my brain, and I'm burning up

Oh my, oh my

Keep running for the sink, but the well is dry

Oh my, oh my

Stanley has a big symbolic fire thing going on. I won't be regurgitating every instance of burning imagery and how well it ties in with his character arc. "Keep running for the sink, but the well is dry" could be connected with that "fiery personality", the way Stanley is a person inherently quick to rage and huge, burning emotions. He cannot deal with them by himself

Every word I say is kindling

But the smoke clears when you're around

Again, continuing that theme of a brash, impulsive personality. "Every word is kindling" could refer to him accidentally starting fights with people just because he was talking too much. But then his fire and rage and the need to punch something is subdued by Ford being there

Won't you stay with me, my darling

When my walls start burning down, down, down

This is again directed towards Ford in my mind. I read burning down walls as the fire consuming everything, every last trace of what previously made a person. That violent side taking control in a way. And for Stanley it was breaking Ford's project. The "won't you stay with me" is self-explanatory tbh

This house says my name like an elegy

Oh my, oh my

Elegy is a lament for the dead, so a mourning. Considering Stanley took on Ford's identity after the other fell into the portal, and for the longest time didn't know if he was dead or alive, this phrase is eerily fitting

Echoing where my ghosts all used to be

Oh my, oh my

There's still cobwebs in the corners

And the backyard's full of bones

Again, we're talking about the house and how empty, old and alone it feels. "There's still cobwebs in the corners" makes me think of how Stanley was most likely terrified of changing anything in the house at first. The backyard full of bones is the continuation of the Ford thing

Won't you stay with me, my darling

When this house don't feel like home?

When this house don't feel like home

I'm thinking "darling" in this case being Soos and Wendy. While they weren't there for the majority of his time in the Shack, they were still a huge help with his mental well-being. He never really shows it, but he wants both of them to stay for as long as possible, only if it means not going back to the oppressing silence

Oh ashes, ashes, dust to dust

The devil's after both of us

Come on this show is about a goddamn dream demon

Ooh, lay my curses out to rest

Make a mercy out of me

I'm thinking this is a plea for forgiveness. He doesn't want Ford to be mad at him. And he isn't exactly mad at Ford at that point. It's asking to drop the troubles and hurts of the past and to instead look towards the future, spare him from more decades of loneliness

This tired old machine is a-rumbling

Oh my, oh my

Singing songs to the secrets behind my eye

Oh my, oh my

The portal. All i have to say here

All my aching bones are trembling

And I may yet fall apart

Again, a short comment. Stanley's age. It's repeatedly emphasized in the show

Won't you stay with me, my darling

When the war starts in my heart?

When the war starts in my heart

The "darling" is now again Ford. After he came back and pretty much the whole remaining of the season, Stanley was in an immense emotional turmoil. On one hand, it's Ford. He's here, finally, and there's no one Stanley loves more. But he's also mad, furious even. He basically tells Stan to get out of the house by the end of the summer. That's what "the war in my heart" i associate with

(cutting the first half of the chorus)

Oh ashes, ashes, dust to dust

Tell me I am good enough

MAN!!!!

Ooh, lay my curses out to rest

Make a mercy out of

I love how the final line cuts off before it says "me". Makes me think of the memory wipe and how Stanley was erased. A perfect ending for this song that only solidifies it as a solid Stan Pines song in my mind

[seijch]

bitches make one post about suna in the smoke grays and suddenly it turns into a full round of headcanons...

content warning. drug use (vaping)

TERUSHIMA: man i swear do NOT put this man on the aux!!!!!! some ppl do not believe in paying for a streaming service and i hate to break it to you but yuuji is one of them,,, Want A Break From The Ads? If You Tap Now To Watch A Short Video, You’ll Receive Thirty Minutes Of Ad Free Music type beat... its not even worth it at this point 🤮🤮🤮 his pre-work fits always go hard. shops exclusively on stockx and buys apparel from the store if he fucks w it (and when it goes on sale ... original retail price kinda expensive tho). surprisingly good w the elderly? no one expects it from him but he ALWAYS gets compliments from them and no one else ever wants to deal w the crabby old people so they send him in for a quick and easy sale 🤝🏻

SUNA: ALWAYS vaping in the back. if youre near him in the stockroom hell blow the smoke in your face. punch him. do it. this is the aisle where there are no cameras. BIG sneakerhead but doesnt like to answer questions nskdfsd you could b asking him if a shoe is good for running nd he hits you w that “idk i just work here” and WALKS AWAY. like i KNOW you work here bitch thats the fucking point!!!! his shoe game is always on point so he always gets questions since people think he knows what hes talking abt (he does,, But 😐😐😐)

SHIRABU: at the register. designated cashier, only here because tuition does NOT pay itself... air max supremacist; owns three pairs of air max 270s in the most BASIC colorways 😐 judges customers when they walk in. if he sees someone trying to fake flex he WILL gag. once saw a man and his son with the toyota logo hanging from their matching gold chains and hasnt recovered since.

KOGANEGAWA: gets LOST in the stockroom and is always 🧍‍♂️ when he does. compliments the scent of whatever flavor puff bar suna blows into his face. isnt in the work gc when he first gets hired bc he has an android NJKSDSA but eventually upgrades and is welcomed in (but overuses animojis unironically.....baby please youre embarrassing us). absolute king. one of the best sellers on the floor during back to school season; the mans a high-five machine!! the kids love him. (as they should!)

ATSUMU: gets confused for yuuji from behind a LOT and bitch if this doesnt PISS HIM OFF!!!!!!! youd rlly think that having another person out there w the same exact face as you would train you to handle this shit better but guess not bc tsumu gets SO mad he stomps off to the back and has to 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️ for a bit..... osamu works at the food place two doors down and tells all the cashiers to make him pay full price, fuck a mall discount SDJAKDA there are too many pictures on his ig story of him and suna (reluctantly taken by aran) holding shoes to their ears like theyre the latest iphone. someone stop them before i reach thru the screen and shit in their shoes.

KINDAICHI: originally started working just to make money and knew NOTHING about shoes but bitch did he get INTO IT!!!! yeezy or bust, baby!!!!!! his go to work shoes are the tail lights but he also owns the desert sages (among others). his bank acc is NOT HAPPY,,, homie spends more money than he makes at his shitty minimum wage job 😭 once he learned the Shoe Lore he rlly came into his own as a solid seller but i would not be lying if i said before then he was on stock duty ....

ARAN: mvp of the store!!! gets along w the kids, gets along w the older folks, can hold a conversation w the sneakerheads, you name it hes got it !!!!!! on track to become an assistant manager if he so chooses -- the manager is alr begging him to come on full time but he doesnt wanna tie himself down to a life of selling shoes, yk? has people coming to the store just to see HIM like its a fucking host club. admittedly not as into shoes as someone like suna or tanaka,, definitely knows how to appreciate a Good Shoe but is halfway between a casual and a Full Sneakerhead tbh...

TANAKA: you wouldnt believe it but he is the KING of shoecare, both in usage and in sales! doesnt care as much when it comes to his regular old volleyball asics but when hes at work or out on the town? the flex is honestly UNREAL...catch him slacking, i dare you. shits on anyone who buys a team jordan like ,,, ok gatekeeper! his collection of retro jordans reaches almost concerning levels and refuses to sell any of them. he hasnt worn a good third of them, either (hes waiting for That Moment, whatever the fuck THAT means). only slightly above terushima when it comes to aux privileges. (theres also a video of him in the stockroom wearing nothing but booty shorts at the top of a ladder lipsyncing the lyrics to chandelier by sia. dont ask.)

BOKUTO: THE customer service guy. he spends small amounts of money like nobodys business but is lowkey scared of big purchases... drops $15 for food eight times a week like its nothing but wont buy a pair of $180 shoes... ok. as a result his collection is nowhere near as big as some of the other guys but he treasures them all and takes very good care of them!!! knows JUST what to say to warm any kind of customer up to him (gets hit on a lot, much to the dismay of tanaka nd yuuji)... also has a lot of former customers recognize him (its the hair) and he just has to go 😃 haha hey! every time.

NISHINOYA: whenever he cant reach smth and needs to be out on the floor asap he can and WILL climb up the shelves of the stockroom like a fucking MONKEY NKSFSN 😭😭😭 the authority when it comes to shoes for running, hiking, the gym, etc. if its outdoors leave it to him! had a pair of 270s but the bubble POPPED the one time he used the ladders as he came down..........hes literally traumatized and ALWAYS brings it up whenever he shares a shift w shirabu (who has since asked to not be scheduled w noya due to a “difference in beliefs” MSFSDS)

FUTAKUCHI: ive said it before but hes one of Those People thats worked half the stores in the damn mall so he was hired as a cashier during the holiday szn and left the company a few months later. youd think hed get along w fellow cashier shirabu but 😃 the manager avoids scheduling them together unless the stores gonna be busy bc one of them is gonna wanna use “the better register” and get mad when the other claims it first .... like theyre both FUNCTIONAL arent they??? 😭😭 does NOT give a shit abt shoes!!! never even learned the stockroom, just kinda figured it out as he went along...whenever someone asks him for their size in a shoe he hands it off to someone on the floor unless he cant avoid it (but believe it or not he will always give that person the sale...unless its suna bc he knows suna doesnt give a fuck)

@wackatoshi​ jic you dont see it when it drops 😚😚

[shrinkthisviolet]

Author Interview Tag!

Tagged by @maipreciation, thanks for thinking of me! This looks really fun :D

(Note: I’m keeping this as a running list, so if you’re ever wondering what fics im working on/brainstorming, make sure to check here! Last update was on 12/12/2020)

Name: Lavi! As of 12/5, I’m no longer going by my real name (see this post)

Fandoms: so many 😂 check my bio, I think I have them all listed. I’ve posted fic for Hamilton and ATLA, and then there was a huge Inktober compilation I posted last year with a whole host of fandoms. Currently, my major fandom is ATLA, and probably Kipo as I’m starting to move through S1

Where you post: I have an AO3 (lavi0123)! I used to have an FFN and a Wattpad, but I don’t use either of those anymore :/ tbh, I’m embarrassed of anything I still have up there 😂

Most popular one-shot: Most definitely we’ll give the world to you (and you’ll blow us all away), one of my contributions to Maiko Week! I’m not surprised it’s an ATLA fic, but I find it interesting that a fic with Izumi in it blew up so quickly. But hey, if y’all want more Izumi content, you won’t be disappointed 😉

Most popular multi-chapter fic: ...I’m really embarrassed to say because I don’t think I’ll ever finish it...but En Hamilton Heights is the only multichap fic I’ve published so it’s gotta be that one 😂 hopefully soon I’ll have another fic to add to that, since I’m working on one (sorry EHH fans but it’s been too long and tbh I don’t remember where I was going with it :/ I’m thinking I might orphan it)

Favorite story you’ve written so far: you think this world is a dream come true (but you’re wrong) for sure! It’s super niche but it’s something I wrote out of love for a movie I discovered this Halloween and absolutely love. Though all you’ve got to do is want something (and then let yourself have it) is a close second. Basically, anything I write that sounds absolutely bonkers as a concept is one that I love 😂 (and it’s no coincidence that both fics are Mai-centric! I love all my Mai-centric fics nearly equally)

Fic you were nervous to post: Is there an “all of the above” option? 😂 I’m always nervous to post. But in particular, I was nervous for if you ran away (come back home), because it was Mai-centric and longer than any one-shot I’d written thus far, and also you think this world is a dream come true (but you’re wrong), because it’s Mai-centric and a Coraline AU, which makes it BONKERS as an idea

Why was I nervous to post Mai-centric fics, you ask? Two reasons: 1) Mai is very different from who I am as a person (I vibe a lot more with Aang and Ty Lee, sometimes Katara and Sokka), so I didn’t want to upset the Mai stans by writing her incorrectly. 2) Mai is generally not well-liked in the fandom at large, so I especially didn’t want to attract antis who would accuse me of writing Mai as too emotional and loving (which is why I tried to justify that in my tags). Luckily, my comments have all been lovely, and I’m far less afraid to post fics about her now that I’ve written three fics with her as the focus! And the shoutout from @nonbinary-crafter-aang praising my portrayal of her?? I was touched 🥺 still am

How you choose your titles: Song lyrics or movie/book lines that speak to me, occasionally a pun. Remember that post I rb’d about how authors title their works? My tags pretty much say it all 😂

Do you outline: Ehh...define outlining 😂 for my one-shots, nope. But for my upcoming multichap works (see below) and Nanowrimo work (original fiction, so I won’t talk about it on here, but send an ask if you’re curious), YES ABSOLUTELY!

For my Nanowrimo work and one of my upcoming AUs (a Soulmate AU), the worldbuilding is so complex that it’s an absolute necessity. For the other upcoming AU (a time travel AU), there are just too many things that need to happen at certain times so as not to interfere with canon events, and things I want to change from canon and things I want to keep...I think you get the idea 😂

Complete: Basically my entire maiko halloweek series! Check it out if you want some fics about the most underrated canon ATLA couple :)

In-progress: ...En Hamilton Heights again...but not for long, sadly. Still trying to decide between a quick conclusion and just flat-out orphaning it. Still haven’t made up my mind, but either way, it won’t be what I originally planned, unfortunately.

I’m also counting my ATLA Soulmate AU on the basis of forever in my mind (only you), which has the worldbuilding and fits into the AU without much problem (the AU is going to be a series of one-shots, not a multichap fic, because there won’t be enough deviations from canon imo to justify multiple chapters. And one-shots are just less pressure for me 😂)

[EDIT 12/12/2020: added another fic because I’m an idiot and forgot about this too 🤦‍♀️😂 it’s a year-old idea that I started writing but I’m picking it back up thanks to the Heist banter in MatPat’s St Jude stream!]

-A fic series combining Escape the Night and Who Killed Markiplier (Heist and Date are part of it too, but only tangentially at the moment. Depends on how involved I want DA Y/N to be). Tentatively titled A Heavy Cost, and definitely won’t happen in any of Mark’s projects, but in a way that’s actually for the best 😂 the canonicity for me stops at ETN S3 (with some S4), then it’s canon divergence

Coming soon/not yet started: OOOH YESSS HERE WE GO

Okay okay sooo we’ve got two main things:

–An ATLA Soulmate AU, featuring platonic and romantic soulmates! I know I called it in-progress, and I stand by that even though I haven’t actually set up the series on AO3 yet, but this AU is about to be SO MUCH MORE than just a few Maiko moments. Because...drum roll...it’s gonna be entirely Aang-centric (with maybe one or two exceptions)! Like Mai, Aang is a character that doesn’t get as many -centric fics as he should (and being an Aang stan also isn’t unanimous for some reason??), so I’m gonna fix that. Plus I want to dive further into his mind, and I think I’m more equipped to do that than I was with Mai, since Aang and I are very similar in attitude.

–Bumizumi time travel AU, which can be read as platonic until the last couple chapters (it’ll be multichap) but definitely has a romantic agenda throughout. So just. Be warned if you don’t ship them. It’s gonna be chock full of comedy and antics! Also A LOT of platonic affection between Izumi and teen Zuko (and just between Izumi, Bumi, and the Gaang in general), because platonic affection is underrated and also I can :D I’m also probably gonna make fun of how some elements of affection have become solely romantic territory, because...um, no, hugging and holding hands and cuddling can be done between friends, thanks! (Maybe it’s the ace in me talking. But regardless)

There are also vague concepts I’m spitballing, like:

-Zukaang telepathy AU (Platonic Zukaang, the only romance I’ll ever write in ATLA is for the canon ships, prompted by a dream because apparently ATLA lives in my head rent-free forever now 😂)

-Evil Zuko AU (Azula doesn’t exist, mostly prompted after watching Aang make fun of Zhao and realizing that if Zuko had been in any position of power during the War...the Gaang would have stood no chance at all)

-Bumizumi Arranged Marriage AU (Bumi and Izumi both think the other is hotheaded/reckless (Izumi @ Bumi) or uptight (Bumi @ Izumi). So Kataang and Maiko (along with Sukka, Ty Lee, and Toph because...duh) set them up in an arranged marriage, with the presented reasoning being that they already know each other’s families, it’ll be a great symbol of unity, and this way Izumi doesn’t have to worry about suitors. They both agree to it (it’s arranged, not forced), and over time, they warm up to each other...and maybe even...fall in love?? Prompted because we need more arranged marriage fics! On that note, I’m gonna plug shadows and steel by @dearestpartnerofgreatness because arranged marriage needs more rep and this fic does it and with Maiko to boot!)

-Zukaang as Brothers AU (I saw a fic about this, but it wasn’t complete. If it’s not done by the time I get to this concept, I’m gonna write it, because just...imagine the possibilities! Zuko and Aang are already basically brothers in canon anyway, this is just making them brothers in blood as well as in their hearts. This is especially vague because I have no concept of how this is gonna work 🤷‍♀️ I’ll get to it eventually)

(Can you tell I’m obsessed with Zuko and Aang’s friendship? Because I am!)

[EDIT 11/25/2020: I’m adding two more because I forgot these have been swirling around in my head too 😂]

-A fix-it fic based on May You Always Be Satisfied, a backstory fic for Who Killed Markiplier by @blackaquokat! I recently reread it and remembered that I was gonna write a fix-it for that fic. Not because the fic sucks, it’s actually amazing! I’m just a sucker for the main (requited unrequited) pairing, and there’s at least five ways to make that pairing canon and avoid the mess of Who Killed Markiplier. And THEY ALL DESERVE TO BE HAPPY OKAY

-A Finnrey fix-it for the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy (this one is especially vague, and I probably won’t write it since a bunch of these already exist, but it’s fun to think about. Maybe if I ever run out of WIPs 🤷‍♀️)

Upcoming story that you’re most excited to write: I’m equally excited for the Soulmate AU and the Bumizumi Time Travel AU! I’m also excited for my Nanowrimo work to be finished, but that’s more so in-progress than upcoming

Tagging:

@nonbinary-crafter-aang @dearestpartnerofgreatness @ohsalamanders @blackaquokat (no pressure ofc, only if you want to! But please tag me if you do, I’d love to see it!)

[shravanya]

Okay, so this is history. My first ever movie of yours.

Sravani di is the only person cuz of whom I could have watched it. So all my love goes to her first, for giving me a unique experience. The movie has been a roller-coaster ride where I experienced a lot of emotions, which might not be related to the exact meaning of the lyrics, but then we have the freedom to interpret it in any which way we want to! That's the beauty of your songs, and you give us that freedom! I cried a lot in the first half of the movie bcz most of the songs sung in the first half are my favourite.

To begin with The 1 is a song which tbh didn't stir any emotion, it just began and ended.

Next up was Cardigan, and I suddenly sat serious, concentrating on the melody and I increased the volume and got emotional with tears rolling down, and proud because it's the first song you released and the videography, lyrics and everything about is just so perfect! Leaving like a father for me is literal, and I love the entire Verse 3 the most - But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss... I mean I could play this verse just forever.

Illicit Affairs gave me goosebumps! Your high notes for certain words at the end of each line sounds extremely melodious and renders bliss!

I cried when August played. It's one of my favourites and is also my birthday month so I sort of feel special whenever I listen to it. You told about naming the girl Augusta or Augustin and I wish you did! All the while I had the exact opposite perception about the storyline until you spoke that she's the one James cheats on Betty with. The bridge, oh my god. Again that gives me chills! I can play just the bridge on loop forever! You were so happy while singing it, and when I got to know you composed it I was like there goes my Taylor!

Seven is the song in which I cried inconsolably, not just because of the melody, but the lyrics. I identify myself as the girl with the braided hair, rough childhood, and a mad dad. I also relate with Please picture me in the weeds before I learn civility which implies that I don't want to live in a city where there's rat race. You mention my country India and that also makes this song special. Also I remember you saying how children create nuisance while at store, "throw cereal at my mom" made me laugh so bad.

Okay now here comes my favourite Mirrorball! It's my all time favourite and I relate to the lyrics in a completely different way. I shed tears when you talked about how we all are sort of hypocrites and behave in different ways in front of different people. I was told once that it's like I wear a mask, and it broke me, to think of myself as double faced. But you negated that and now I feel myself. So I read the lyrics of the song before it became the 'song on repeat' and I could identify myself as the girl who's ready to do anything to make the love of her life notice her. I again absolutely fell for the bridge, that's something I sing with intense emotions.

This Is Me Trying is a song where you talk about mental health, and it made me super proud, being a psychology student.

Invisible Strings - I love it. I just fkn love it! I mean this is the only song which is the most positive of all, both by melody and lyrics! And whenever it's played, I feel overly cheerful! The strings render an innocent feeling in the bosom, and the lyrics are super cute! I love every single line, and the waitress line is so funny! And you mention the colour Teal, which is again my favourite!

In The Last Great American Dynasty, you told about how country music begins by telling a story and the central character turns out to be the singer himself/herself! That's an interesting fact! You said that you wanted this song to fit in some album that's relevant to telling stories, and that's such a carefully devised plan! I was just imagining how excited you would have felt when you would have figured that the album is folklore!

While singing Mad Woman, the way you said - fuck you, I totally felt you, and could empathise when you explained about the prevalent male mistreatment. You were just so savage there! I have always respected you for speaking up against Patriarchy, you go Taylor!

My Tears Ricochet is again a powerful and bold song, and I love how it sort of brings out the woman in me! It too feels like a Feminist song, and the ooh ooh part gives me creeps! It sounds ghostly tbh, and it's like sort of a revengeful song so it totally emits those vibes!

You made an entire song - Epiphany - for your grandpa, and that just makes me hug you! They usually compose songs about lovers, friends, family which mainly consists of parents and siblings, but you focused on your grandpa, that itself brought tears to my eyes and then you also said that it's not just about him but also the doctors with shifts, etc. It's the only song that sort of makes me feel it's the closest to describe the covid situation.

When you asserted that James in Betty is a fool, no he's a fool, I laughed. Betty is a name that I find relatable cuz back when I used to read Archie comics in childhood, Betty was my favourite.

Peace and Hoax again are not the songs I would listen to, but I noticed you cutely you said that you just like the word with the 'x'

My god, what can I say about Exile. Taylor, do you know you made me fkn cry with the ending - Aa Aa, which isn't there in the original song of the album. Tbh, it wouldn't have been on my Playlist if Sravani di wouldn't have told me that it's her favourite. My god, I even pinned a post about it on Twitter and Tumblr! That few seconds part has been on loop since days, and makes me cry and sink in. It's the only song that I prefer listening to than the original, from the Long Pond Studio album.

The Lakes, oh my god Taylor. You just went so poetic there! I mean it legit sounded like a song made in the 18th century! I have always loved the British Victorian era and stuff, and that song exactly delivers that feeling! It's been on repeat since I heard it in the movie. And it's sounds like the last puzzle piece or something and it's so explicitly mysterious, and you talking about running away so casually, that gave me chills tbh. Whatever you do, wherever you wanna run away to, just don't stop being a queen and never leave us.

P.S.- Thank you for being my unofficial therapist Taylor, I love you.

[softforcal]

hcs for going on tour with poly!cake ??? x

-meeting them while they were writing Youngblood at a party somewhere and instantly hitting it off with both of them

-just such great connection off the bat that you all exchange numbers and Luke even makes like a group chat for the three of you to talk because you hit it off so well

-going and hanging out with them a lot

-getting to be the luckiest person fucking ever because they’re really excited about the album and show it to you before it’s even out

-so… i feel like in the past, guys in the band have definitely been sexually attracted to the same girl before, like that shits bound to happen

-but they both actually adore you and want something more?

-and they’re best buds and bandmates so they have this long talk about Polyamory and if they’d be down for it

-so much research on polyamory

-they decide they’d be down and all thats left is to talk to you about it

-being invited over to Cal’s place like any other normal day

-Cal has cooked something great for the three of you and you’re all hanging out, talking, laughing, with music on in the background

-”so you guys are going on tour soon huh?” you say finally.

-the thing is they both knew they were going on tour but they hadn’t even factored that into the whole poly thing? so they’re both sitting there like idiots and Luke’s just like “you should come. as our girlfriend.”

-you and Cal both almost choking on your food

-”sorry what?” you ask. Luke looks like a fish out of water so Cal slips in like “we both really like you. and we’d both really like to date you.”

-”so like Polyamory?”

-the three of you get talking about it and you end up talking for hours

-the sun goes down and you’re all cuddled there talking about it and playing music and before you know it the sun has come up again

-the general consensus is that you’re all going to give it a try

-”but no matter what, we want you to come on tour with us.”

-these two soft boys would miss you way too much if they went without you

-so of course you say you will

-”holy shit its morning!” you have to be somewhere so you scramble to the door, turning to hug your boys like you always do

-Cal’s arms wrap around you and his lips press into yours, his firm and warm embrace keeping you there as his tongue gently explores and you grip his face with your hands

-he finally lets you go with a lazy grin

-you turn to Luke and then he’s grabbing your face and kissing you, he’s softer but still amazing

-pulling away from him kinda flustered and being like “okay well i have to go now.” “bye Princess.” “talk later.”

-you leave but keep kinda looking back at them because wtf and they both just grin and wave until you’re out of sight

-”that went really well.”

-so you begin dating these two and things go so well and before you know it, it’s almost time to go on tour

-the three of you all helping each other pack

-”hey Y/N, have you seen my MAINE shirt? really wanna bring it. ” “oh yeah, it’s at my place, i’ll throw it in my suitcase for you.”

-”Y/N you’re bringing that really cool highlighter right?” ���of course i am Luke, and i even went and bought you one so you don’t have to steal mine anymore.”

-the three of you somehow fitting into the back of a cab to get to the airport because you’re all just so in love that you can’t bare to have one of you sit in the front seat like an actual adult

-Ashton and Michael met you at the party the first night you met Luke and Calum and they’ve met you a few times after that but this will be the first time you’re like actually with them for a long period of time

-you, Cal and Luke roll up to the airport all holding hands and giggling and in love and Ashton and Michael are just like “fuck, here we go.”

-you really make an effort to get to know them better from the start, standing in line with the group but talking to Ashton or Michael but one of your boys always gets kinda whiney about it

-Luke and Cal finally getting you to themselves for a bit and you’re like “guys, i’m just trying to get to know your friends, calm down.” and they both admit they’re being kinda needy

-”but what if you like Ashton more than me?” “its never going to happen Luke, don’t worry. i love you guys too much.”

-holy fuck dropping the L word just like that and they’re both shook

-Luke and Cal are  actually just too shocked to even say it back right away

-but you know they love you too, so this time when you go over to talk to Michael they both are actually more chill

-getting on the airplane and oh no, the horror, there are only two seaters, no three seaters

-Cal giving in and taking the seat behind you and Luke but not before giving you the sweetest kiss ever and telling you he loves you too

-this prompts Luke to also realize he hasnt said it so he says it too

-you and Luke trying to talk to Calum through the space between your seats

-but then Cal’s like “i’m going to sleep.”

-so he sleeps and you and Luke talk most of the flight and listen to music

-Luke ends up falling asleep on your chest and Ashton actually comes over and is like “its nice that you’re here. they’d be wrecked if you werent.” “really?” “yeah, since the first night they met you they havent shut up about you.”

-its really nice to have a show of support from Ashton

-landing at the airport and you’re so tired that Luke carries you through the airport

-”there’s going to be a lot of paps, so you can hide your face against my back if you want.”

-definitely trying to be low key so you take Luke’s advice and hide your face in his shoulder

-its an experience to say the least

-Luke and Cal are super protective of you

-so any paps who are yelling things like “who’s the girl!?” or “show us your face!” get death glares from your boys

-letting out a sigh of relief at the hotel

-the three of you going to look at the city, all wearing hoodies that hide most of your faces so that you wont get papped

-definitely wearing one of Luke or Cal’s hoodies because yes please

-holding hands with both of your boys and taking all sorts of weird pictures of each other in your super odd outfits that consist of hoodies and huge sunglasses

-getting a call from Ash who is just like “i’m calling you being Luke and Cal don’t answer they’re phones when they’re with you but we need you all to come back to the hotel.”

-from that moment on, if anyone needs to get a hold of Luke or Cal, they know who to call

-being in a poly relationship on tour isnt the easiest thing seeing as most seats or beds are only really made for two people

-taking turns is a thing

-but also Luke is a bit more needy than Cal which Cal is chill with so usually you’ll sit with Luke (but you make it up to Cal later ;)

-lots of pre concert kisses

-always having glitter somewhere on your body from Luke lets be honest

-running your hands over Calum’s beautiful jackets

-taking so many picture of them being beautiful before a show

-Andy actually saying you have an eye for photography and Luke and Cal obviously really put their best foot forward for you when you have a camera so he lets you borrow his to take pictures sometimes

-there being an influx in Cake pictures on their instas because you take bomb ass photos of the two of them

-Luke credits you on one of the pics and suddenly the whole fandom explodes

-there being conspiracies that you were the girl on Luke’s back at the airport

-after one particularly amazing concert, Luke and Cal come off stage and they’re both super pumped and full of endorphins and they’re both just like “we want to make this insta official.”

-they’d been thinking about it for a while and even each have a photo of the three of you that is their favourite to post

-you quickly find your favourite (its easy because it’s your phone background)

-and you all make a post.

-can you imagine captions like “my two favourite humans” “more than enough love to go around.” “Have your Cake and eat it too” and that sort of shit?

-the three of you being all so pumped after posting that ya’ll gotta find a back stage room with a lockable door to just fuck because hot damn you’re on top of the world

-Cake sex is super passionate

-like they both feel things so intensely and they’re creative souls

-lots of groaning and clenching eyes and hands on skin

-yeah pre and post concert sex is a thing for them (this is just a thing in general tbh)

-Ashton and Michael having both walked in on you before

-trying to fix yourselves afterwards but its so obvious ya’ll just fucked because Luke’s glitter gets everywhere

-trying to wipe the glitter off Calum

-the fandom being super accepting because its obvious how happy Luke and Cal have been the past few months

-always managing to steal some sort of clothing from one of them

-”i love that you guys give us so many roses.” Luke says on stage one night, “would you guys mind if i give one to my and Cal’s beautiful girlfriend Y/N?”

-this fucker calls you on stage to give you a rose while the rest of the band teases the shit out of you three

-”see this looks cute now, but you guys don’t have to deal with this shit 24/7.” Michael tells the crowd

-singing with these two is a dream

-Calum opening up and showing you and Luke the lyrics in his little book he keeps

-going clubbing and having super sexy dancing with these two because what a fucking dream team

-Calum likes to mark up your neck a lot i feel

-one (if not both) of them almost always goes out with you to see the cities you’re in while on tour but a few times for some huge reason they can’t be there so you go out with Ashton or Michael

-they both really like you because of how happy you make Luke and Calum

-the fandom making huge memes about Mashton being a thing now because Cake became legit

-your name coming up in sound checks all the time

-they take you out on super cute dates and when they get recognized you’re down to take pictures of them with the fans and they love you for it

-so Ashton being Ashton totally came up with a ship name for the three of you and made an instagram with it as the handle before ya’ll came out as a poly triad so that when you finally came out, you would have your own instagram

-posting so many cute pictures of the three of you on it as a record for yourselves but obviously getting a shit ton of followers

-Andy even sending you pictures he’s taken of the three of you for that insta

-like, especially Calum likes to keep more personal pictures off his actual insta so this is a middle area that he’s cool with

-sharing a tour bus bunk with one of them and usually someone wakes up during the night and misses you so you switch bunks

-going to sleep with Luke but waking up with Cal because he missed you during the night

-trying to be sneaky and have sex on the bus but it never works because you always get caught, or there isnt enough space

-but so much unconditional love

-is Cake my new favourite ship? are ya’ll seriously making me put Cashton into number 2 with all these amazing Cake requests?

[moviegroovies]

brad majors: a character study

ok i think it probably says something when the first time i tried to make this post the power to my entire house went out, wiping my progress and turning off my dvd player, but fuck if i’m gonna let prognostic signs stop me from being on my bullshit. 

the point is: y’all ever devote a few hours worth of time and effort to making something that nobody is ever, ever gonna read? if you do, then we here at moovie groovies dot tumblr dot com feel sorry for you, although naturally we can’t relate. no, you don’t need to check how many notes we get on these stupid posts. don’t worry about that. ANYWAY

sometimes you just wake up and, despite knowing that your classes start up again in less than a week, you just have to spend some of the precious few hours you have left on deconstructing everyone’s favorite asshole’s fragile, fragile psyche. and by you, i mean me. and by sometimes, i mean now. 

let’s go! 

so, i’m gonna start with the scene in front of the church (let’s start at the very beginning, the beginning’s a good place to start...). brad’s introduction is the first time we meet any of the major characters of the film (unless you count patricia quinn’s lips and richard o’brien’s voice as an intro to magenta and riff), and it sort of sets him up as our “protagonist,” a role he... doesn’t quite maintain for the duration of the film. obviously, the second frankie shows up, he’s the main event, babey, but even for our “hero” and “heroine,” brad, who seems to be the main focus for the first act, gets less on-screen development than his female counterpart. plus, janet’s solo song wasn’t cut. sorry brad ): 

regardless, i like the church scene quite a bit in terms of brad's character. the movie isn’t entirely huge on the character development kind of thing, so you have to take it where you can get it, but imo, introducing brad with ralph as a counterpart/sort of foil was a good choice, because it lets us compare our hero with what i’m just going to assume is the standard for the society he’s living in. we jump in: the first conversation we see in the whole movie is between brad and ralph, who we learn is a friend of his from high school. it seems likely that brad and ralph aren’t as close as, perhaps, betty and janet are (this is just my speculation, but if you look at the other wedding guests, there’s at least one other girl who’s wearing the purple dress that janet is in, which could be the bridesmaid’s dress, while i don’t see anyone else wearing brad’s little outfit, making him not one of the groomsmen), but brad initiates the conversation, struck by social norms, if absolutely nothing else, in the need to be polite. their conversation seems awkward (asshole boxing!), but more so for brad than ralph, who just steamrolls on totally oblivious to how fake brad’s laugh is. brad comes off as the more thoughtful, conservative one of the two--he’s kind of cringing under his smile at the conversation, and everything he says is sort of.... stiff. also, did you notice his face when ralph says the only reason he showed up to the science class was because he was trying to get in good with betty? brad, who actually likes science, has sort of a blank/disappointed look while he announces this, which he turns to an awkward “ha ha ha” laugh. when betty throws her bouquet and janet catches it, ralph tells brad it could be his turn next, which he seems to somewhat brush off (”who knows?”), but once ralph leaves, he’s definitely caught up in thought again, perhaps contemplating the timing of his proposal (who the fuck brings a ring to someone else’s wedding??). 

side note about that scene: both betty’s dress and ralph’s suit are white, which, at a wedding, symbolizes virginal purity. even the lewd message on the car (”wait til tonite--she got hers, now he’ll get his”) implies that both betty and ralph have been waiting until their wedding night to, y’know, consummate their relationship, which brad and janet initially parallel, but...

the conversation then switches to brad and janet, and their first interaction together is kind of,,, tense. janet is gushing about the wedding, but once again, matter-of-fact brad majors is kind of awkward, and his comments are all very forced. “everyone knows that betty’s a wonderful little cook.” “ralph himself, he’ll be in line for a promotion in a year or two!” both of these come off as commentary on what he thinks people are supposed to be thinking about--brad, at this point, is a man who has a framework of what life should be (domestic wife, upward movement at a respectable job, white wedding) and who is doing his absolute best to fill his role in all of that. his stoicism even fits that, because, as we’ll see in a moment, he does have real, giddy emotions around janet--he’s just doing his best to keep them down until the very moment of his proposal.

and that brings me to: dammit janet! it’s really very cute, and kind of the closest thing to a brad-centric song we get if you’re watching a version that doesn’t have once in a while which.... you probably are. brad gets flustered while he just tries to start the proposal, and compare his wide, shameless smiles at janet throughout this song with the way he kind of grimace smiles at ralph beforehand. he’s in love! and you know he’s in love, because he says it outright six times over the course of the song, while janet only explicitly says it once. maybe he just got luckier with the rhymes (dammit janet, i love you is the same syllables as brad, i’m mad, for you too), but tbh i think it’s sort of telling--brad’s playing the emotionally stunted prototype of the american man, but deep down he’s deeply in love and thinks his girlfriend is the most special person in the world. meanwhile, janet clearly cares for brad, but i think what she’s really in love with is the idea of marriage (she’s so enamored with betty monroe’s transition to mrs. ralph haphshatt, and in the scene beforehand she’s definitely anticipating brad’s proposal and waiting expectantly for it)--but this is a brad character analysis, so i’m going to try to stick to his side of things. he beams at her while he fumbles through the first bit (“hey, janet, i’ve got something to say”), and has to lean back on a tombstone once he gets through it. i love him! i love how he drops his composure and starts jumping and running around (backward!). also, peep that bit where janet leans in for a kiss and he pulls away at the last minute... telling? maybe not, he does kiss her in a moment. 

the most excited janet seems throughout the duration of the song is when he pulls out the ring. in his excitement, brad fumbles trying to put it on her, and falls over while spelling her name and telling her how much he loves her--meanwhile, she leaves him on the church steps while she goes inside to admire it. all of brad’s lyrics in the song have been about their courtship and how much he loves her, while hers are about how her ring is better than the one her friend got, and how it’s good that he’s already done the proper thing and met her parents. this isn’t janet hate, really, but i think the comparison is interesting--brad was introduced with somewhat awkwardly stunted emotions, but he’s the more open, idealistic one of them when it comes to romantic feelings. janet, meanwhile, knows exactly what she wants--but maybe it doesn’t matter so much who gives it to her, as long as she ends up in that dress she’s built up so well in her head. basically: he wants to plan their future, she wants to plan their wedding. 

that theme is showcased pretty well in this exchange toward the end of the song: janet leads with her “brad, i’m mad,” bit, which he eagerly answers with “i love you too,” though janet has yet to say that she loves him. also, i wish i had screenshots, but if you watch that scene, he’s looking adoringly at her, while she’s looking adoringly at the ring. the song is about different things for the two of them.

it’s pretty cute to me that brad’s immediate first thought upon getting engaged is not that they need to announce it to their family, or their friends (like betty and ralph) of similar age, but their tutor. also, look at them when he says this--i think that maybe the two of them were on different pages when saying “there’s one thing left to do.” janet probably did want to tell family and friends, because she’s finally getting her dream, she’s getting married, she has a beautiful ring, and she wants to tell people! brad wants to tell one person, because he thinks his whole relationship is owed to his teacher, whom he admired, and he wants to share his happiness with dr. scott. we learn later that the two of them had been working together on scientific pursuits even after dr. scott was his teacher in high school, which i like for brad. i love his devotion to science! i don’t love his devotion to dr. scott, because he’s the real villain of the movie, but brad doesn’t know that. i don’t blame him.

anyhow.

i bring all that up because janet looks a little disappointed when he starts talking about dr. scott, doesn’t she? maybe i’m totally reading too much into it for the sake of my theory, but she looks sort of blank until “made me give you the eye and then panic,” where she dutifully giggles and looks down at the ground. 

they do kiss at the end of the song, but it’s close mouthed and brief, and the screen cuts away to riff raff, magenta, and columbia (or their actors playing bit parts, at the very least) for most of it. this is probably more about the stand up american kid’s sexual repression than lack of attraction, if we’re being honest. i’m not saying at any part of this that brad wasn’t in love with janet. the two of them, at that point in the movie, are very dutifully filling roles they think they should be filling, and that means they’re being the perfect distant WASP couple. no impure thoughts until the wedding night. and so forth.

next up: the police statements. i actually hadn’t read them until just now, which marks the two hour mark of me writing this analysis... and i’m about 15 minutes into the movie. funny how that happens, right? don’t worry, i’ll have less to go on soon so i can shut up. until then, though: brad’s police statement is a fun ride because the whole thing is written like his first stilted conversation with ralph. also, it reveals his name is bradley j majors. what’s the j for? that’s for you to decide. he introduces himself and mentions that janet is still his fiancee (which is backed by janet’s police statement), and explains that everything started at ralph and betty’s wedding. he goes into some backstory with dr. scott’s class, and gives this line in relation to his first thought about janet: “she’s just the little help and support I’m going to need throughout my life.” god, brad, that was straight of you. it’s perfectly in character (fitting his comment re: betty that she’s a “wonderful little cook;” he’s thinking about women in a supportive, domestic role, and not so much as people, although his actions when janet are actually around make him a little less of an asshole about it), but it makes me want to slap him a little. at the same time, in the context of him having a perfected ideal in his head and trying to stick through it, that’s just about love at first sight for him. i think it might just be that janet is in love with the idea of marriage, and brad is in love with the idea of janet. he thinks he’s found the perfect woman to round out his fantasy american home life. she’ll give him support, and cook his meals, and pop out their 2.5 kids. meanwhile she’ll get to have her wedding and be a nice little homemaker, and if that’s not exactly what she wants, well, it’s what she seems to think she wants now. 

both brad and janet’s police statements are funny because you can see them projecting their thoughts and actions on each other while changing the occurrences of the story. i’ll scatter references to the stuff that happens after along with my commentary on the stuff themselves, but brad says that janet “got sort of excited and kind of did a bit of a hop and a skip – she gets a bit carried away when she’s excited – and skipped into the church.” yeah, brad. janet was the one who was carried away. he mentions that he should have noticed that there was a funeral going on while they were in the church (janet doesn’t comment on that), and that he would have noticed, had he “been so confused by her saying yes.” brad. darling. she was saying yes in her eyes before you even pulled out the ring. in her police statement, she says she “thought he’d never get around to it,” but that she “couldn’t hint to him. but anyway he did it.” janet’s been trying to get him to propose probably since they graduated high school. brad says that “ralph and betty got engaged and then married before [he] had the nerve to ask Janet if she would kinda get married to [him]. You know what it’s like ? You don’t like to take these things on until you’re sure.”

side note: i like his little “kinda get married.” he does that a lot in this--kinda, sort of. i think it’s his way of downplaying his emotions and what he wants. it’s sad, but it shows a lot about him, i think.

his full explanation for not noticing the funeral until he thinks back on it later is that he and janet “kissed, and [he] felt so hot and cold that [he] just didn’t notice.” once again, i say brad. DARLING. i love you. you are so so emotionally stunted.

their next scene is the car, driving to dr. scott’s house. i know i take the opportunity to wax poetic about my great love for brad majors just about every other line, but i LOVE how he’s got nixon’s resignation speech taped and playing on the way there. it’s such a funny little detail, and also it begs some questions in my mind--does he like listening to it out of some kind of respect for nixon? (i ask this mostly because the way nixon presents the speech is reminiscent of brad’s early dialogue/his police report) or does he just like hearing the bastard step down? (more likely, since brad would probably find unamerican actions quite heinous, and regard the whole watergate scandal as entirely treasonous) either way, it shows a trait i just want to call attention to: brad is a NERDDDD. i love him.

janet seems much more casual and chatty in this scene than he does. brad’s a man on a mission, or maybe his persona just doesn’t allow room for unnecessary chatter. either way, it makes for an awkwardly quiet car ride. janet tries to break the silence, first by offering him chocolate (this is also part of her seeming younger than him, though if they were in the same high school class i suppose they really can’t be), then by commenting on the motorcyclists. brad takes this opportunity to show his disdain for their “type,” probably meaning rebels, junkies, and general counterculturalists. oh, brad. you have no idea what you’re in for here, do you?

not that relevant, but i find it funny that while janet recalls that brad told her to wait in the car (which she uses to bring up the fact that she “wasn’t going to risk losing him if there was a sophisticated, seductive woman in the castle,” a comment which i find more indicative of her devotion to her wedding than her devotion to brad), brad describes leaving together as a joint decision. maybe it’s just not that important to him, maybe his ego smarts a little from her brushing off his attempt at protecting her, maybe he just wants to portray all their decisions as a joint effort. man and wife. awwww.

his actions in this scene are mostly focused on his protective element. he does the “mom hand” across janet when they first get the blowout, and then tries to convince her to stay while he wanders off into the darkness alone (which, let’s be real brad, would have resulted in a man door hand hook car door kind of thing, wouldn’t it have?). basically this scene is full proof that brad majors would 100% be “white dad in a horror movie” material if he wasn’t changed by the experience, which he seems not to have been, if the police statement is anything to go off. so, they both get out of the car. part of me likes to think about what it would be like if brad really had gone in alone, but at the same time, the au necessitates that janet be alone in that car all. fucking. night. so.

i don’t have any commentary on him in “over at the frankenstein place,” particularly, except that he’s a dork who doesn’t take off his glasses in the rain. seriously, brad, you have to be completely blind at this point. what the hell are you doing.

unrelated side note: amanda seyfreid should have played janet in the 2016 remake, i always think that susan looks a little bit like her in this scene. plus i just... didn’t like victoria justice in the role. whatever.

brad kind of ignores janet’s worry and fear from that point on for a while. on one hand, asshole! but on the other hand, like, why go all the way to the castle just to turn back at the door? maybe because castles don’t have phones, but he doesn’t know that yet. 

brad falls in to introducing janet as “my fiancee janet weiss” very quickly. in my heart, i’m going to say that this is because he’s been doing it for a while in his head. brad and janet seem a little uncomfortable with riff raff, but brad reassures janet it’s just a weird hunting lodge, and they go inside, still holding out hope that they might use a phone here before the night is over. oh, brad’n’janet. if only you knew. magenta (who both brad and janet call “madge” in their police reports) slides down the banister, and they get a little startled. both of them find this important enough to note in their police statements, with brad commenting that her maid’s outfit “somehow didn’t look right;” in fact, he felt “a bit embarrassed by it actually.” i think this is another instance of him downplaying every emotion/feeling he reports on. janet, meanwhile, just comments that her dress had lost some buttons, which i feel goes along with a common theme in her report--brad’s sexually frustrated, janet judges other women. it goes along with pitting herself against betty (”it’s nicer than betty monroe had!”); janet comments that the wedding was perfect, except betty’s train should have been longer. just little details like that. 

next: the time warp! janet Does Not Like the time warp. she faints twice, and another time right before sweet transvestite. brad is initially as startled and disturbed (?) as she is, but by the time columbia’s verse is over, he’s smiling and he seems sort of into it--bobbing his head and so forth. janet’s the one who tugs on his shirt and tries to lead him out. interestingly, in her police statement, she switches the blame for their inching out of the room and puts it on brad--“i would have quite liked to see the dance right through but brad insisted we leave and he’s so strong and brave.” brad, again, presents this as a joint decision he and janet had: “janet and i backed out of the room.” at this point, i really am just thinking that he wants to believe that he and janet are unified in their decisions, maybe as a kind of mental block to the shit they’ve been through. it’s cute. he still loves her quite a bit. 

oh, before i go on. i want to pull your attention to this bit from the police statement: “now, this bit is going to be a bit hard to believe but you’ve gotta believe i’m telling the truth. I mean I had a very upright honest christian upbringing and I don’t lie about anything. no sir. i never lied to my mother about whether I’d cleaned behind my ears or not.” 

i don’t like, have anything in particular to say about it. i just love him.

so, the time warp ends. janet urges brad to say something; apparently, him asking the transylvannians if they know how to madison isn’t the something she wanted him to say. that’s one of my favorite brad lines, honestly. it also proves that brad’s a lot more comfortable here than janet is--for now, at least. he defends the strangers’ rights to act strange by suggesting that they’re foreigners with different ways from their own, and seems to be a bit irritated by the fact that janet’s reacting so harshly (”get a grip on yourself, janet!”). his thought process at this point is probably that she’s behaving like a hysterical woman, while he’s a paragon of rationality. funny how those roles kind of switch by the end, no? right now, though, it’s still brad’s turn with the calm juice, so janet faints again when the elevator comes down--brad, to her right, says in his police report that he “was about to get angry with her” for screaming. harsh much, brad? 

these next parts are going to be hard to analyze because watching brad when frank is on the screen is... hard. i’m a man of simple tastes; i see tim curry in drag, and i watch him. ah, the things i’ll do for a completely pointless character study. 

anyway, frank’s first appearance has brad kind of stammering. frankie is going through the “how do you do’s,” and brad is just standing there, working his jaw. he didn’t catch janet that time. interestingly, though janet noticed from the start that frank was a man “who looked like a woman,” brad apparently didn’t catch that until he saw the corset--up until that point in his report, he refers to frankie as a woman, saying that janet fainted, and he “decided that there was nothing to faint about – there was just this woman getting out of the lift.” he goes on to say “yes, she was about 6’1”” which, baby, i don’t know who you’re kidding but tim curry is 5′9″ and that’s generous. i guess he was factoring in the heels, but he mentions the heels in the next line: “but wearing very high heels, a lot of makeup and a shiny black cloak with a silver collar. She motioned us back in to the ballroom and I thought we could follow her.” at this point in janet’s statement, she notes that “brad says that [she] went of [her] own volition, but he was really pushing [her]” to follow dr. furter. huh, brad, i wonder why you were so intent on following...? he goes on to say that “when we got there she started talking about being a transvestite. now, I don’t keep up with the modern trends that happen in new york and all those big cities and i wasn’t quite sure what a transvestite was.” brad... never change. didn’t frank only start talking about being a transvestite once the cloak was off? maybe this is one of those things where not all the song sequences happen in universe. whatever. anyway, he notes that frank is a man, and finishes with “yes, i did get further confirmation of this fact later and i’d rather not go into it, if you don’t mind,” which is the only allusion he makes to sleeping with frank.

brad is pretty stiff/shocked for most of the song, but by the time he remembers himself and recovers enough to ask for a telephone (brad, babydoll, you are never going to get a telephone here), he gives an awkward little nod/smile at the “well, babies, don’t you panic.” then it’s back to freaky & awk. he’s self consciously feeling his hair at the insinuation that he might not be shivering because of the rain. still, when he’s getting stripped down by magenta, he’s pretty cool again, introducing himself (asshole!) and janet (slut!) even while she’s pulling his shirt over his head. to columbia, he’s a little rude: she tells them they’re very lucky to be invited up to the lab, and that some people would give their right arm for the privilege. snidely, brad asks “people like you, maybe?,” which i think goes back to his “life’s pretty cheap for that type” comment from the car. he’s very us (clean, straight american kids) versus them (motorcycle junkie amoral delinquents) here. still, though, he’s not protesting too violently when they get put in the elevator. in the statement, he seems to be asked about whether or not frank’s castle was a gambling den because of his “we’ll pull out the aces” comment, to which he replies that it wasn’t, and furthermore, that gambling is evil--his mother told him. that makes a lot of sense--he seems quite a bit like someone who never questioned the morals his parents instilled in him. this is probably the first experience in his entire life that ever gave him reason to question them, and he still comes away swearing he tells the whole truth, and that gambling is evil, and so forth. even if he’s been shaken... he hasn’t been shaken that much.

when they get up to the lab, brad (who is, by the way, wearing the world’s ugliest underwear) does a little “ladies first” gesture and lets janet out in front of him. and they say chivalry is dead. he still gets out before columbia and magenta, however. 

brad gets to do his “i’m brad majors (asshole!), and this is my fiance janet weiss (slut!)” bit that i’m sure he’s been rehearsing in his head since tenth grade for a third time, but fucks it up this time with “vice,” which shows you exactly where his mind is. it’s interesting that this is where he fucks it up, and not when he was introducing them to columbia in the last scene--columbia being a scantily clad young woman watching while he was being stripped naked, while frank in this scene is still crossdressing, yeah, but is much more moderately dressed since he put on the gown thing. funny, no, which one elicits his freudian slip? i don’t think brad is completely gay, since i’ve already gone into how strongly he feels for janet, but i think a lot of his attraction to women is based around his idea of what he’s supposed to do, while when he’s not keeping a close grip on his feelings, he lets attraction to men just sort of... slip out. he’s back to being his dominating american man persona in this scene tho (it’s a bird, it’s a plane... it’s super asshole!), and seems awfully jealous when frank flirts with janet, probably because janet does very little to seem unreceptive. he also gets pissed as fuck when frank mentions how hospitable and generous he’s being by letting brad’n’janet stay here, which... there’s still no phones in the castle, asshole. he’s more reserved and a little bit self-conscious both when frank compliments their underclothes (don’t listen to him for a moment, brad, you area still wearing the world’s FUGLIEST underwear) and when his outraged “hospitality!” speech is met with frank telling him how forceful he is (which the conventionalists find ENTIRELY amusing). i guess it’s understandable--this is almost definitely the first time in his life he’s been hit on, by a man or otherwise really, and he’s repressed enough that he kind of shuts down. you can’t just be openly sexual in brad’s mind. that’s not how it works. the question about the tattoo brings him back to himself, though, which again shows his distaste for counterculture. tattoos are things that type has. not him. 

janet giggles when frank asks her, and he stares at her in disbelief for a while. when janet claps along with the transylvannians for frank’s experiment, he just stands and watches before holding her so she can’t do it anymore--but when janet starts getting scared of the lights and the noises, he’s back in his a-game, reassuring her there’s nothing to be scared of. he really does like being the one with power--he thinks he has it when he’s yelling about hospitality, frank brings him back to earth by looking at him, for lack of a more tasteful phrase, like a piece of meat. while he’s reassuring janet, and she’s thinking of how strong and protective he is (a comment that she makes many times in her police statement, and which frank is perceptive enough to have picked up to use in the seduction scene), he’s okay again, and he starts looking in shock at the machines frank is using. that’s another thing about brad--he can get used to these situations pretty easily, and he’s still easily distracted by his interest in science. it’s just frank himself and janet’s flirtations with frank that are throwing him off his groove. 

side note. in the police statement, brad implies that he thinks rocky was just “having a snooze” in the tank, though whether he says this because that’s actually his impression or because he legitimately does believe that the story he’s telling is too fantastic to be true is kind of unclear. if he did believe that frank was able to create life, i think his dislike at this stage would be pretty easily overcome by his dorky science questions--but maybe that’s just me. 

brad totally checks out rocky. he puts on his glasses and does this whole once over--subtle. in the police statement, he comments that “frank got very concerned about his being frightened and kept telling him he was beautiful. he wasn’t a bad looking guy – but i wouldn’t have called him beautiful.” suuuuure. maybe rocky’s just not brad’s type, though; he does go on and on about eddie.

when frank asks what brad and janet think of his creation, brad smiles briefly at janet for her (flat out lie that) she doesn’t like men with too many muscles; before frank even reacts, though, his face falls when the spectators laugh, and he seems a little embarrassed. i would have liked to see his answer--although, like i said in the last paragraph, it may simply be that rocky (whom he calls “rock,” citing rock hudson, who, side note, was gay, altho i have no idea whether or not they knew that in the 70′s) is not quite his taste. we don’t see brad’n’janet for all of i can make you a man, but we do see them again in hot patootie--eddie seems to flirt with rocky and janet and maybe even brad, a bit (if he was one of frank’s conquests, eddie must be bi too, right?). brad’s face seems mostly just flat out baffled for the duration of the song, but all his comments in the police statement seem pretty positive--“this guy who burst out on the harley sang his song. i held his sax for a while he was singing. good voice”--which is somewhat strange, given that eddie embodies all the stereotypes of the “other” that brad has been shitting on since the beginning--he has a motorcycle, he’s got tattoos, he’s part of frank’s little circle, and he pretty much humps columbia right there on the floor. brad doesn’t seem actually distraught by the murder, though, saying not much beyond “god rest his soul” like a good little christian boy would. he does note that he would have thought that eddie “could have made a lot of money as a singer,” which is again, cute, because he really doesn’t seem to believe all those stereotypes as much as he seemed to think he did. 

side note, if he was attracted to eddie, and we know he’s at least somewhat attracted to frank, doesn’t that mean brad has the exact same taste in men as columbia? which could be related to him thinking that rocky wasn’t anything to write home about--neither of them seem to be that interested in muscle.

brad’s not even slightly subtle about checking out frank when magenta and riff raff take the gown off him. he looks away, as if that helps anything about it. he also looks absolutely betrayed by janet’s announcement that she’s a muscle fan. dammit, janet.

he takes the time to mention frank and rocky’s “wedding,” which he makes sure to detach from the other one we see in the movie by assuring the police that it was nothing like ralph and betty’s, although he praises them on about the same level: about the haphshatt’s wedding, he says “very nice wedding it was,” while in regard to frank’s, he says “it was quite nice, i suppose.” i appreciate that he never really expresses disgust for any part of the night except for the cannibalism--he never demonizes frank as a q***r or anything like that. in regard to what happened after the wedding, he either is ignorant (unlikely) or feigns it--he says that he “didn’t think it was [his] business,” which i feel like is the polite streak that was pounded mercilessly into his head jumping out. 

off topic, but he wasn’t completely accurate in saying the wedding was nothing like ralph’s--at the end, the transylvannians throw flower petals and chant “rocky, rocky, rah rah rah!,” which parallels the wedding guests cheering “haphshatt haphshatt, rah rah rah!” at the end of ralph and betty’s wedding. is that a custom i didn’t know about, or was it a nod to the fact that the guests were supposed to be played by the transylvannians?

next: sex! i probably don’t have to say anything for y’all to know that this is one of my favorite scenes--i’m predictable like that. the seduction of brad and janet go pretty similarly, with mostly the same lines--frank changes “i think you’ll find it quite pleasurable” to “i think you’ll really quite enjoy it” for some flair, and brad gets angry (nevernever. never!) while janet gets weepy. janet protests that she was saving herself (for marriage, which she’s built up in her head), while brad gets pissed because he thought it was the real thing--it’s notable, though, that while janet was already getting hot and heavy when she thought it was brad, brad doesn’t get into anything sexual until after he knows it’s frank; he was only holding “janet” and petting her hair. frank gets smart after janet makes him promise not to tell brad and leads with the fact that he won’t tell janet, and after making sure that frank promises he won’t tell, brad’s out there arching his back and moaning. can’t say i blame him--i wouldn’t have even said no in the first place. in the statements, brad seems to have either blocked out the entire memory (which i doubt) or just refuses to say it, much like he did with what frank and rocky did in their room; first of all, he leads with “well, janet and i went off down all these corridors and things and were shown to our bedroom. one each. even if we hadn’t been given a room each, i would have insisted on it. you’ve got to do the right thing.” yeah, sure, brad--that’s why you let janet in so quickly, huh? anyway, he continues with “a few things went on during the night. no, i’d rather not talk about it. no, i can’t remember. yes, i think someone did come into my room. no, i’ve got no idea who it was. i was asleep at the time.” what was it that brad said earlier about always telling the complete truth? not that i really blame him--look man, it was the 70′s, and even if he didn’t have a 100% upstanding citizen’s image to maintain, casually announcing that you’re a fag probably doesn’t have amazing consequences for anyone involved. janet, in her report, is free with the fact that she knew it was frank, though she still doesn’t acknowledge that she had sex: “i thought it was brad at first, but then it was frank so that was o.k. i mean i would have been shocked if it had been brad. he’s always been so respectful towards me.”

basically, “i would have been shocked if brad touched me like that. he’s way too repressed to go beyond closed mouth kissing.” 

but i digress. 

we see brad again on the television monitor, smoking a “we just had sex” cigarette and looking back at frank casually. they seem to be talking, and frank seems super pleased with what he’s done. i suppose he would, he’s just gotten off two (three?) times in the last hour or so. like, fuck, that’s pretty impressive. especially if you have a dick. brad seems a lot more chill with what they did than janet does--janet’s crying and guilty at first, then crying and betrayed, which is... strange. janet, did you somehow forget that you fucked the exact same man in the past twenty seconds? maybe she just wanted to believe that his will was stronger than hers, or that he was straight. how would she have reacted if it was, say, columbia in that bed? i guess we’ll never know. 

maybe she’s just thinking about her ruined marriage, if we’re being honest.

anyway, brad, unlike janet, seems content to follow frank after they make it, and doesn’t really seem unsettled by what they did. he does seem unsettled by watching frank whip riff raff, but once that’s over and the three of them are looking at dr. scott on the television monitor, he’s gotten over that, too, and he’s happy to announce (with no mind for reading the room) that he knows scott--that’s an old friend of his! frank gets apprehensive and angry, concluding rationally that dr. scott (who he knows as a UFO investigator, and who would naturally prove dangerous to his continued stay on earth) sent brad and janet to his castle to spy on him. brad tries to reassure frank that he’s there because his car broke down--and here, he’s still smiling a little, until he drops to a serious “i was telling the truth.” maybe he should tell frank that thing about washing behind his ears? frank doesn’t believe him, and starts jabbing him backward (but not hitting him) with the handle of the whip. brad gets increasingly angry at this disrespect, and seems (like he did in the lab earlier) about to snap out, until he trips backward, and frank raises the whip, at which point his weird relation with power dynamics saves his ass. he almost forgot, before, where he stood, but now he’s looking up at a man with a whip who’s clearly not afraid to use it, and so he chills out quite a bit. frank asks him to confirm that dr. scott works for the US government in the investigation of UFOs, and brad shoots back that he might, which angers frank, until brad drops his own anger and submits in a more placating “i don’t know!” frank chills out, and then summons dr. scott up to the lab.

despite being threatened with a very real whipping, brad seems no less excited to see dr. scott than he initially was. he really is quite devoted to his mentor, and has no shame when offering his hand to shake--like, how does he not realize his robe has blown open and dr. scott can definitely see his dick through his ugly tightie whities? no idea. but damn if he’s not happy. frank makes a comment about how adaptable he is, and only then is brad embarrassed enough to look away. scott saves brad’s ass a little by assuring frank he had no idea that brad was going to be here, to which frank seems a little surprised, but probably pleasantly. it’s better to know that the dude you just fucked wasn’t secretly a spy conspiring to out you to the planet earth, right? 

brad seems hurt and confused in the rocky horror role call bit by janet’s betrayal--which is a little fair. after all, brad only fucked one guy, but janet’s been caught in bed with at least two. still, infidelity is infidelity, and neither of them has much room to judge at this point. brad probably gets this, because, while he still seems a little miffed when they sit down to dinner, he’s not trying to confront her about it or anything. in fact, he doesn’t try to do any confrontation at all until frank-n-furter implies that dr. scott is a nazi (which. doesn’t really work if he’s been doing the german accent the whole time, but whatever), and brad, who doesn’t know that it’s true, gets righteously angry on his behalf. poor baby. might want to get a better fcking mentor.

he still seems a little upset when dr. scott starts singing “eddie,” but makes his peace, i suppose, enough to get into the song by the end, where he sings with what i’m just gonna assume is righteous anger at how bad eddie was. i think at this point he’s more or less loyal to frank, at least in the eddie department. less so when frank slaps janet a second later; then he’s back in the “righteous anger” department. he takes off his glasses and then is apparently so blind he can’t see which way they went. that’s not how glasses work, brad. 

he’s pretty impressed with the science in the latter half of “planet schmanet janet.” like yeah, they’re glued to the spot, but he doesn’t seem as upset about that as janet does, and knows exactly what dr. scott’s impression of the transducer means. once again, i just want to emphasize how much i’d like a fic of frank and brad talking about science and machines and stuff. brad’s a scientifically minded guy! he’d be fucking fascinated with all this shit if he had time in between his bouts of righteous anger to be! 

despite being trapped, brad tries to get a hit in while frank sings the sexiest line of the movie. respect, i guess. and another after janet beats him for a little! 

there’s protective!brad again. he’s trembling with anger while he threatens frank... completely ineffectually. you’re trapped, dumbass.

ah, well.

then, the floor show! the floor show gives us kind of a jump in brad’s character. according to his statement, he wasn’t conscious for the part where he sings on stage--he says he doesn’t really remember anything between the dinner (which he refuses to answer questions on: “oh yes, we did have dinner at some point. no i feel ill when i think about it. i didn’t eat anything. at least not very much. i’ll be sick if you keep asking me about it”) and waking up in the pool. the little segment in the show itself tells a lot about him though: here, though brad seemed pretty cool & collected up until this point, we learn that he’s massively uncomfortable with the role he’s found himself in--the sex, the company, and probably above all else, the corset and the fish nets. he calls on his mother to save him, which supports that bit in his report when he says that his mother told him that gambling is evil--he’s kind of a momma’s boy, and he’s reverting back to that while finding himself in a situation he can’t control. at the same time, though, he doesn’t totally seem to hate it--he does admit to feeling sexy dressed like that, and once he gets in the pool, everything gets blissed out. even in his statement, he doesn’t try to hide that part of his evening--“yes, i did have a nice swim. it was warm – it was beautiful really.” that’s probably the most glowing review he gives of anything that happened that night, and his actions in the pool consisted of... licking frank’s chest, rubbing his head on rocky’s dick, and getting dipped by columbia. yeah, i think beautiful pretty much sums it up, actually. he returns to his “it’s beyond me” chorus for a moment in the pool, but columbia puts an end to that. 

oh, i love his pose while frank is singing, too. i know i’ve used the word repressed like fifty times in this review, but... 

all i can say about the rest of the song is that i’m really feeling his legs in the chorus line. he’s got more devotion to the dance than rocky does, at least. 

then there’s protective brad again; he pulls janet away from frank when riff raff and magenta start threatening him (and gets a heel to his foot for his trouble). during “i’m going home,” he looks appropriately sad at frank’s departure. maybe even more than appropriately, since this isn’t exactly his closest friend in the world, is it? still, we also get protective!brad protecting someone other than janet for the one and only time when riff raff announces frank’s death and brad yells out “you’re going to kill him? what’s his crime!” there’s that righteous anger again... and like, even though this is a man that brad has seen murder one man, brutally whip another, and who has threatened him and his beloved mentor and harassed his fiance... brad really can’t fathom why they would kill him! it might be a side effect of the mind control ray frank was using, but dr. scott was under the same stuff, ostensibly, and didn’t find a single problem saying that they had to kill frank for society’s protection. 

i love that short little scene with brad burying his head in janet’s hair while he holds her. i think he’s a little disillusioned with his mentor by the end, or at least i would hope so. poor frank ):

brad’s part in superheroes is mostly just about him being sexy for me. like. the words he’s saying mostly just tell me that he’s freaking out because of what happened. but the way he’s sitting and writhing around in the smoke.... undeniably hot.

anyway, holy shit, i’ve been working on this for like seven hours now. tl; dr: brad majors loves janet weiss a lot, or at least the idea of her, but is completely sexually repressed and can’t deal with it when he has his gay awakening and then subsequently tries drag for the first time before watching the dude who fucked him dying. i probably should have gotten more out of that, and maybe i did, but that’s in the past now. FUCK i wrote too much. ok.

[dantiloquent]

introducing gabrielle aplin, queen of writing songs about david and patrick in season 3/4

(now watch me fail to articulate myself properly for an inordinately long post no one asked for)

1. please don’t say you love me

i know this is a classic, done before, etc, but i couldn’t NOT include it when we’re talking gabby. this does detail david’s whole arc through s3/4 of never feeling like this before and not wanting to damage anything, but it really does perfectly fit in single’s week with his talk with patrick and with ted

“there used to be an empty space / a photograph without a face / but with your presence and your grace / everything falls into place”

aka david longing for this (see: his past relationships) but not knowing he could have this (see: his past relationships) until he met patrick. meeting patrick helped him not only love someone else, but feel more at peace and content with himself.

“just please don't say you love me / 'cause I might not say it back / doesn't mean my heart stops skipping when / you look at me like that / there's no need to worry when / you see just where we're at / just please don't say you love me / 'cause I might not say it back”

literally that first scene with patrick and david in singles week. david knows patrick has nothing to worry about, he knows he loves him, but he still can’t quite bring himself to make it Real. he knows it’s a shitty position to put anyone in but he wants it both ways: he wants to be with him but he doesn’t know how to return the intimacy and care.

“heavy words are hard to take / under pressure precious things can break / and how we feel is hard to fake / so let’s not give the game away” & “fools rush in / and i’ve been the fool before / this time i’m gonna slow it down / ‘cause i think this could be more / the thing i’m looking for”

david is Very Aware of his dating history. he said himself he’s never dated anyone he really cares about. and he doesn’t want to fuck it up. also patrick asks him to take it slow, so this fits that, too, but also i think david was Very Happy to oblige (at first anyways) because he wants everything to go right. 

2. waking up slow

literally a song about realising you’ve fallen in love with someone when you’ve never felt like that before. ghostwritten by david AND patrick.

“but i didn’t think i cared / i could be your friend / but i’m unprepared / oh, i’ve never felt like this / i was unaware / you were lighting flares / now i’m running scared”

this could be either of them saying this because neither of them have felt this before. they go into business together and they’re bro’ing it up, david’s telling stevie they’re just business partners, patrick’s going on Gay Panic hikes, and they’re both realising they’ve signed up for a lot more than they thought.

“now i’m going back on the things that i know”

both of them have to adjust their perspectives after meeting! patrick’s never ~done that with a guy~ and david didn’t ever want to be caught dead being vulnerable

“oh, all my nights / taste like gold / yeah, when i'm with you / it's like everything glows / and all my days / we can lay low / yeah, when we're waking up / we're waking up slow” 

tbh i’ve nothing insight to say, these are just really pretty lyrics. they’re two boys in love and there’s no rush! they’re cherishing the experience of slowly realising these feelings. 

“it’s a little bit clearer now / i love you like the sun came out”

more! gorgeous! lyrics! and i’m emotional because meeting each other and falling for each other was a big “oh” moment for both of them. patrick spent his whole life not knowing what right felt like until he met david, for god’s sake! never before have i seen a lyric that better describes their love. poetry.

3. what did you do?

this is, strictly speaking, a post-break-up song, so cue some post the barbecue angst

“hiding behind all of the walls / running inside, locking the door / nothing ahead, no one to hurt / you know you can’t fall off the floor”

david has spent most of his life cutting himself off from everybody to avoid history repeating itself. that’s the only way he could feel ‘safe’. you can’t fall off the floor, after all!

“i didn’t look for you / i didn’t ask for this / i didn’t need you to pull me apart”

david wasn’t expecting to meet patrick or to fall for him, but both of those things happened. so he opened himself up, made himself vulnerable, going against all of his instincts, (he was very happy NOT trusting people!) only for patrick to break his heart. cue post the barbecue blues.

“i’ve never felt so lonely alone / i didn’t care ‘til you came along / oh, what did you do? / oh, what did you do to me?”

this is a big “there was a moment where i thought i’d never have to look at another dating app again” mood. david’s bitter and annoyed and hurt because patrick came along and ruined his whole plan, his whole tough rep. he’s never cared for someone like this before. he didn’t know he could. 

4. nothing really matters

this song is a delight and a bop. also gabrielle literally said ““Nothing Really Matters” is about the battle between the excitement of wanting to open up, and the fear of opening up” like?? david rose is that u??

“i didn't mean it when i said that it was too much / got myself into a mess like a head rush / i should’ve known, i nearly let go / and you caught me by surprise”

david in the olive branch. that’s it that’s the tweet.

“i was fighting with myself like a war and / i don't why i’m scared of forever / but it's now or it's never”

by the end of season 4 (probably from open mic onwards) david is realising that yes, he’s terrified of this, but he’s got a Good Thing and he needs to stop self-sabotaging and actually Take It. so he starts opening up and surrendering to love? lol who do i think i am

“nothing really matters but you / nothing really matters, no / i can't fight it, i can't hide it / 'cause i always give into you / nothing really matters, no / nothing really matters but you”

1. david is a really flustered, frantic, panicked person, but patrick brings him peace and solace and lets him Breathe. he’s able to re-evaluate and see that the only thing that matters is the people he loves and 2. i feel like “i can’t fight it, i can’t hide it” is very possibly the revelation he has at the end of open mic summarised. he always thought he was better than corny declarations of love, he was very much Against the open mic, but fuck it he’s gonna cry! because his boyfriend is singing to him! and there’s no point denying that! 3. “i can’t fight it, i can’t hide it” is probably also the conclusion patrick came to while on those Gay Panic hikes. i’m not crying you are

“tryna control and learn to let go / just don’t let me go”

this is very much end of s3/start of s4 when david is still wary and expecting the worst, and he wants to think he can cut loose at any time, but also he really doesn’t want patrick to go anywhere anytime soon, thanks so much

and here ends the essay ! lmao 

[fmdminji]

* ⠀⠀ ♡ ⠀⠀ ─── ⠀⠀ hello, sweet loves ! guess who ?? it’s 𝐑𝐘𝐀𝐍 and i’m back at it again with a second muse, and to some of you, she may seem familiar at first glance ! so, without further ado, i’d like to introduce you to my beautiful babe, 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐉𝐈, wish’s leader, and main vocal. i’ve based her slightly on my first ever muse in this group, yeo yeoreum, but i’ve updated her, and revised her, so that she’s more well-rounded in my eyes ! below the cut, you’ll be able to find a tl;dr version of her biography, some fun facts that weren’t mentioned in her bio, as well as some plot ideas ! if you’re interested in writing with us, don’t forget to 𝐏𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 in the corner so i can message you. love you all v much !

* ⠀⠀ ♡ ⠀⠀ ─── ⠀⠀ BIOGRAPHY HIGHLIGHTS !

born in seoul, south korea to a single mother in seoul, south korea, minji’s upbringing wasn’t like many others in her class. she, her grandmother, and her mother all lived in a two bedroom apartment, and while the two women in her life worked hard to provide a great life for her, she was often dragged along to both of their jobs; finding a deep love for books, films, and television dramas, from a young age ! after all, she had to find little ways to entertain herself, so when she wasn’t keeping her nose tucked between the pages of a novel, she was lost in a land of fantasy; one where she was often the princess, and she was being rescued by a prince — a man that would save her from this lonesome upbringing. her obsession with romance started at an alarmingly early age, and by the time she was eight, she found herself filling up pages of diaries with love letters to boys in her class; keeping all of them a deep-dark secret from everyone !

however, when she was about to go and give her most coveted crush a valentine she’d saved a lot of money ( you know, a lot of money for an elementary schooler ) to buy, she was interrupted by another girl who, essentially, swooped in and stole her man, hah. the amount of jealousy and rage that flooded through her in that moment was so immense that, even to this day, those feelings of jealousy and wrath ( two of the deadliest sins to exist ) still have never left her, and unfortunately, they’re two of her most fatal flaws. that, and well, being almost desperate for a chance to fall in love with someone.

her teenage years were fairly mild, too, but every time she became entangled in a loving romance, she’d ruin it time after time for being controlling, possessive, and jealous, and it was hard for her to not only keep love interests for long periods of time, but her friends often found her hard to be around, too. her emotions were intense, and to be honest, all of them would find her exhausting to be around after awhile. so, even though she was able to make friends, they often left her alone, too, and the reason she was so attached to keeping men in her life is because she’s never had a father, nor any positive male influence, in her whole life. so, she uses romance as something to fill this void inside her.

though, when she was fourteen, she went with her mother to see a concert of decipher’s — a new boy group who had just débuted. they became her latest obsession, and her mom used money she’d saved up to treat her daughter to a day of fun together. though, while there, she was decided by bc entertainment scouts. her beauty is what made her standout, but when she auditioned, they realized she had a big voice, but little to no idea how to use it. so, after a private audition, they offered her a trainee spot.

her trainee experience was... rough. during this process, she learned to better control her voice, and she even picked up on how to play the piano pretty well, but after awhile, she got a bit bored with everything, so she made the bold decision to ignore the dating ban put in place and start playing the field. this is when she met her first love ( wanted connection ! ) and they began a relationship together that lasted a good while. he was in line to début in knight, and she was set to join the group now known as lipstick, but while the girls’ lineup was being finalized, they caught onto the two of them, and her punishment was that she wouldn’t début as lipstick’s lead vocal, as she was once told. they also forced her to end the relationship she was in, and her heart was broken.

so, in bc she remained, and she learned a lot about herself in those moments. not only did she get into trouble for even being in a relationship, but her jealousy continued to rise up back then, too, and she’d bully her fellow trainees — really, anyone who even dared to talk to her now ex-boyfriend while they were dating. deciding that she needed to focus on herself and her career so she could help her mother and grandmother out in the future, she quit screwing around and got to work, and later went on to début as wish’s main vocalist, and leader.

things started out well, but a few years in, she was beginning to realize that, while many of the other girls in her group were gaining traction and immense popularity, she was somehow falling behind. with hana now starring in dramas, sooyeon releasing tons of solo material, and now june about to make a solo début, too, her jealous rage is kicking in again. she went from a loving leader to someone that’s overwhelmed with envy for her own members, lol. so, that’s where she’s at now... wanting to kill all the girls in her own group that are more popular while she slowly starts to compete with them.

* ⠀⠀ ♡ ⠀⠀ ─── ⠀⠀ FUN LITTLE FACTOIDS !

as mentioned before, minji knows how to play the piano, and towards the end of her trainee years, she began writing her own little songs for fun; she has a few done and complete. she doesn’t really think she’s much of a composer / producer, no, but she aspires to write her own solo music when the time comes for her to make a début.

ever since wish was able to make their own individual social media accounts, she’s taken that allowance in stride, and has become quite popular on instagram ! she not only posts beautifully edited photos of herself, and her surroundings, but she’s also known to post acoustic, piano-led covers of songs she loves.

she currently feels as though she’s not getting as many lines on wish’s tracks as she was in the beginning, and hates that she’s really only there to hit all the high notes and call it a day, lol. she wants to be trusted with more than what she’s given, tbh.

not very surprisingly, she’s been involved in a few dating scandals in her past career, but shockingly, they weren’t true, and since her début, she hasn’t really had a serious bf.

* ⠀⠀ ♡ ⠀⠀ ─── ⠀⠀ LITTLE LIST OF PLOT IDEAS !

as denoted above, i’d looove to see her first love plot taken up ! i’ve envisioned the spot being taken by a member of knight, especially if they trained in bc from 2009-2012. they débuted first, so bc wasn’t able to truly punish them as badly as they were able to punish her. however, if you’re interested in this plot, and your muse isn’t a member of knight, but instead a member of charm, we can try to make that work somehow, too !

also mentioned above, she was a bit of an asshole to other girls while she trained from 2009-2012, and she softened slightly from 2012-2015. i’d love to see a plot where your muse was one of those girls she was really harsh to, and she’s had to try to make amends to her for it. in my eyes, this plot would make most sense if your muse is a member of lipstick, but we can see if we can make it work if your muse is in wish, too !

additionally, i’d love for her to have a best friend — male, female, or whatever else. this is someone who isn’t afraid to call her out when she’s acting like a brat, and though she gets so frustrated by that, she also appreciates it a whole helluva lot. their relationship will be really sweet, and they’ll be almost brutally honest with each other, but everything said is only out of love and respect, as they’d never want to truly wound one another.

i’d geek out really hard if like, your muse ( a member of decipher ) just so happened to be minji’s bias in the group, as she’s an avid fan, and she has a mad crush on them, and they either exploit how she feels about them and toy around with her, or they just avoid her at all costs because she’s... a bit much for them. that, or really, we can discuss other options if those two things wouldn’t fit your muse. i just think it’d be fun !

it’s no secret that my bbg loves love, and at one point in time, she became curious to know if she was interested in women, too. she tried to date your muse ( female-locked ) for awhile, but it didn’t work out, so she ended up breaking up with them. it could’ve ended really horribly and your muse hates her now, or they could be good friends. it’s up to your and how your muse would react to being led on by a confused straight girl.

being that minji dabbles in writing her own lyrics and playing the piano, i’d looove for her to have a producer friend, or partner of sorts, that’d start a soundcloud account with her. they’d release their own lo-fi, soft songs there, whether they be solos or duets, and it’d just be a really creative, fun-loving relationship. this could lead to a romance, or they could just remain close friends and creative partners; either option is fine with me !

speaking of romance: i’d love some people who really love playing with her heart, or who just use her for sex, and run the fuck away from her when she gets too attached.

the flip-side of that: i’d love for a guy, or girl really, to be really interested in her, but she’s too blind to see it, and instead, using them as like, a personal diary and spills all of her feelings to them about other people all the time. she doesn’t realize they have feelings for her, and it kills them when she talks about other people all the time, but they’re too afraid to really say anything to her rip.

i’d also like for her to have some lowkey fwb relationships, too. i just can’t promise that she won’t daydream about getting married to your muses, but you know... lol.

additionally, if you’re interested in discussing a more personalized, end-game romance plot that’s a slower burn, or something that burns up a little fast and they’re now stuck in a mess together, or whatever else, i’m open for discussions too ! don’t be afraid to let me know and we can talk about it a lot more !

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[seungmin-jpeg]

Stray Kids On Tumblr // Jisung

Chan // Woojin // Minho // Changbin // Hyunjin // Jisung // Felix // Seungmin // Jeongin

One of the few members that actually 

Spent a goooood amount of time on his header

And his desktop theme actually 

Like actually learned how to do some html coding to make his blog nice

Works really hard to keep is blog running smoothly

Doesn’t ever use queue tho

Really isn’t that invested 

Anyways 

He’s had the blog since forever

Like ever

Got on tumblr to destress after school

Then continued to use it to destress after he’s long days of training

he just wanted a nice looking blog

Never really made his own posts 

Like he’d go through phases of posting his own things

Little bits of lyrics and poems and texts and stuff

Nothing to fancy

He’d follow some block b’s zico stuff

Because role models am i right

So he’d be aware of the big kpop side of tumblr

He’d be the type of blogs that would write short-ish pieces 

Where there was no real plot

Not really any characters either 

Just like aesthetic writing

Something that started out as a melody in his head

And he’d take that melody and put it into words and post it

Each person could interpret in their own way

Which is why those types of posts ended up taking off

He’d never really post them to often

Because i mean how often can he just put a melody into words

And then yah know eventually he started putting that towards 3racha and stray kids

But every now and then when he would think of something that wouldn’t ever fit with the two of them

He’d write it down

But this is how he got your attention

You’d followed his blog a bit ago

Probably around the time he was a trainee

You couldn’t really remember how you got there

But once you saw some kpop stuff there

And get even further into his blog

And found his little written bits

You followed him right away

You were always waiting for him to post another little bit of writing

And when he finally did

It was even more amazing then you had expected it to be

And you couldn’t help but to leave an ask

Going on about how great his blog was and how much you loved his writing and just wow

And of course he was like 

Woooooh someone likes me weird brain dumb posts enough to leave an ask like this?? 

And he checks out your blog naturally 

Because of the ask it links him to your main blog

And its pretty normal

He sees a few kpop posts and is like

Hey!!! They’re into kpop!

And then he sees the links in your description

And checks a few of them out 

And then 

Oh and thennnnn

He clicks on the link that leads to your stray kids blog

And his jaw drops

Because what

He’d been on tumblr for so long

But this is one of the first stray kids blogs he’s ever found

Naturally he’s got this huge swelling feeling in his heart

But he’s also just kinda like

Someone who’s a fan of me found my other blog

Somehow

And still likes me??? 

Even without knowing its actually me??? 

Shook

He cant help but follow you

He follows both your main blog

And your sk blog

Because why not

Of course you notice right away

How would you not notice that such an amazing and inspirational blog followed you

AND your stray kids blog at that

Another stray kids fan!!!!

That in itself was exciting

He likes and reblogs a good bit of your stray kids stuff

And your like

Can’t let this moment pass

So you message him and are just kinda like 

“Hey thanks for following me i really love your blog your writing is amazing. Also i see you like stray kids?” 

And thus the start of a beautiful relationship 

Of course you had nooooooo clue you were talking to the Han Jisung of Stray Kids

The j.one of 3racha

Probably for the best

Because you’d actually die if you knew it was him

Also it’d totally be risky for jisung himself

But somehow the two of you keep in contact 

And actually find decent things to talk about

Instead of giving you his name 

Because he’s smart enough to not thank goodness

He just went by his nickname 

“Squirrel” 

And you’re like yes the cutest nickname i love it 

And then moved on

You called him your “squirrel” 

And he somehow ended up calling you his “puppy” 

And thats just how it stayed

Even when you’d tag each other in posts 

He’d use your nickname 

And you’re follows where always ???

Why puppy???

Tbh you didn’t know either but you just went with it 

Not gonna lie you found it super cute 

Made your heart feel all fluttery 

You loved talking with your squirrel

And he really loved talking with you 

But as the survival show got more intense 

And then stray kids debut on the horizon 

And you were kinda ;___;

Because where’s your squirrellll 

Little did you know jisung was missing you a lot too

Anyways one day you were watching a vlive

And a group of the boys were talking about things they miss

And jisung 

Real chill was just like

Oh i miss my puppy

And you were just kinda ???

Cause you didn’t know jisung had a puppy

Felix had clearly been thinking the same thing apparently

Because he were like 

Wait you have a dog???

And he just kinda looked at felix and then glanced at the camera and smiled before turning back to whatever he was doing before

And you couldn’t help but feel ??? that maybe ??? 

Maybe that was about you?? 

But you pushed that thought out real quick

That’s bs there’s no way that had anything to do with you

So you just finished the vlive and went back to scrolling through tumblr

And then  you stumbled across a list of the sk members nicknames 

And oh gosh

Jisungs nickname 

Of course it was 

His nickname was squirrel 

Now everything you had worked so hard to shove down earlier was coming back

And coming back much stronger

Your squirrel wasn’t han jisung right

It couldn’t be

There was absolutely no way it could be

But you couldn’t help it anymore

So you messaged jisung

And just kinda said something like

Hey did you know you and jisung go by the same nickname?? 

And surprisingly faster than usual he messaged you back and was like 

“Yah, isn’t that ironic?!” 

And you’re just kinda like …..

And then you get another message and its like 

“He also really misses his puppy too!” 

And you’re like 

…….

And he just kinda sends you a winky face 

And your like “there’s no way”

You get a “lol” back

At this point you’re 95% sure it is him

So you take a deep breath and say

“You’d tell me if it’s true right?” 

And he says

“Didn’t i already tell you tho?” 

Youre screaming now

Hes pretty much screaming too

“So you’re really him” you send off

“I’ll only answer if you say it for real” 

“But if im wrong that's embarrassing” 

“pup how can you be wrong at this point”

You can practically hear him laughing at you 

“Wouldn’t it be bad for you to have it so straight forward tho? If we keep it like this then technically i dont have any solid evidence its you…” you say

He takes a bit to respond 

“I guess you’re right…” 

And thus you somehow ended up becoming the mom friend to jisung 

Well...friend… the “friend” part is up in the air… 

[teudoongievibes]

Camren Goggles™ on : Something’s Gotta Give

Alright sweets, back again with a new Camren Goggles™ on theories, sorry it took so long, I’ve just been really busy and tbh since those theories will mark the end of Camrenillusion I’m kinda sad to be doing them, but anywhoo, let’s get this show started.

Disclaimer : this is all just theory

I know a lot of theories say the song might be about 5H as a group and that Camila is talking about the reasons why she left, and that might very well be a possibility, but in this post I’m gonna go with the Camren way, following the theme of my previous Camren goggles theories.

So, the song starts with a single piano playing and just like that Camila gives us another emotional ballad you know is gonna wreck your soul, and of course just with the single first line of the song you know it’s gonna be Camren as fuck. Loving you, I thought I couldn't get no higher Your November rain could set the night on fire, night on fire But we could only burn so long Counterfeit emotions only run skin deep Know you're lying when you're lying next to me, next to me How did we get so far gone?

So let’s analyze that first verse line by line

“Loving you, I thought I couldn't get no higher” right away we know she’s talking about a past relationship, common theme of the emotional songs of the album - she’s still talking about the same person, the same relationship. The very two first words “loving you” are said many times in Consequences, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

“Your November rain could set the night on fire, night on fire” if you’re a music junky like me then your very first thought when reading those lyrics is the song “November Rain” by Guns N’ Roses, the song is about someone who’s in love with a person who’s not ready to love them back...

Here’s the lyrics:

https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/gunsnroses/novemberrain.html

You can find the common theme of longing and being scared of love, and basically this song would fit right into my Camren playlist.

One of the lyrics of the song are 'Cause nothin' lasts forever, and we both know hearts can change, and it's hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain” -  when Camila refers to setting “the night on fire” maybe she means that that person’s love *cough* Lauren *cough* was so strong that it was able to sustain even though it was really hard, that the flame kept burning even under pouring rain.

 “But we could only burn so long” this next line confirms that the “fire” refers to their relationship and that unfortunately it wasn’t meant to last.

“Counterfeit emotions only run skin deep”  here she’s implying that this person’s feelings were not genuine, or in Camren’s case that maybe Lauren tried to deceive her one too many times by making her think that she was gonna come out, and in a way lied to her about how she really felt about their relationship and their future together, but you can’t pretend forever.

“Know you're lying when you're lying next to me, next to me” that next line confirms that Camila thinks this person is not being honest with her about how they feel.

“How did we get so far gone?” she’s wondering how their relationship turned out that way, what happened for them to be so disconnected.

I should know by now You should know by now We should know by now

Those three bridge lines clearly shows like in the other songs that the relationship was a long term one. The words “by now”  reinforces the fact that it’s already gone south before, that it’s something they’ve already been through and that maybe it’s time to learn from their mistakes. Something's gotta give, something's gotta break But all I do is give, and all you do is take Something's gotta change, but I know that it won't No reason to stay is a good reason to go Is a good reason to go, ooh

The chorus, obviously a breaking point of the song, Camila can’t be in this relationship anymore, it’s getting to hard and she needs to get out.

“But all I do is give, and all you do is take” the relationship is not even, she’s given her whole but the other person isn’t doing the same and we all know that an healthy relationship is a two way street.

“Something's gotta change, but I know that it won't“ they’ve been through this before, she knows this person is not going to change or make an effort for their relationship. Brings me back to the word “cheap” from Consequences - the person she’s talking about stopped trying to make things better.

“No reason to stay is a good reason to go” there’s no reason for her to stay in a dead end relationship - Lauren won’t come out, there’s no real future there, and Camila doesn’t want to keep getting hurt. I have never heard a silence quite so loud I walk in the room and you don't make a sound, make a sound You're good at making me feel small If it doesn't hurt me, why do I still cry? If it didn't kill me, then I'm half alive, half alive How did we get so far gone?

“I have never heard a silence quite so loud, I walk in the room and you don't make a sound, make a sound” that heavy awkwardness of knowing that a relationship is ending but no one wants to say it first, the giant elephant in the room.

“You're good at making me feel small” different interpretation possible, the expression “making someone feel small” can mean that they’re being humiliated, or it can also mean that their feelings aren’t taken into consideration, that somehow they matter less - it can also mean to make someone feel embarrassed or insecure - in this case it might be about not letting Camila express how she feels or even taking into consideration those feelings. In a more theorized Camren way, it could be about the fact that somehow over time Camila’s feelings and their relationship mattered less than Lauren’s feelings and their careers, and that somehow Camila was always the one who had to compromise, which would go in pair with the lyrics “But all I do is give, and all you do is take”.

“If it doesn't hurt me, why do I still cry?“ she’s trying to be strong and pretend that it doesn’t affect her anymore because she’s been through it too many times for it to hurt her anymore, and yet she can’t help but feel it all.

“If it didn't kill me, then I'm half alive, half alive“ this relationship really took a toll on her. We often say that the person we love is our “other half”, and therefore maybe here losing them left her “half alive”.

“How did we get so far gone?” again she’s wondering why she let it go that far, how they got to that point.

I should know by now You should know by now We should know by now Something's gotta give, something's gotta break But all I do is give, and all you do is take Something's gotta change, but I know that it won't No reason to stay is a good reason to go Is a good reason to go I should know by now, you should know by now I think I'm breaking right now, ooh I should know by now, you should know by now I think I'm breaking right now

Here she’s repeating the same thing over and over again “you should know by now” it’s almost like she’s begging them to end it, like she’s telling that person that it’s too much for her and that they need to put an end to that suffering.  “I think I'm breaking right now, ooh” she’s breaking down and she needs for everything to stop - she needs to get out of that relationship, and for that she needs the other person to realize and accept that it’s over for good.

Something's gotta give, something's gotta break But all I do is give, and all you do is take Something's gotta change, but I know that it won't No reason to stay is a good reason to go Is a good reason to go, ooh Something's gotta give

She ends the song with the sentence “Something’s gotta give” kind of a cliffhanger - she doesn’t actually says how the relationship ends, but no matter what, it’s going to.

Well another pretty depressing Camren song to add to the list, oh well, we’re used to it by now 😂   I hope you enjoyed this theory, the next one will be “In The Dark” and it’s gonna be up next week I pinky promise 😊

I hope you have a swell gay day sweets! 😘

little fetus Camren gif to make you feel better, or worse (if so I’m sorry)✌️