#<- saying this myself before anyone else does

[kimmeiy]

the wedding

sophia laforteza x reader

synopsis- sophia’s cousins wedding doesn’t go as expected, especially since y/n seems to always find a way to be involved in her family drama

warnings- none?

wc- 1298

pt1

“before we leave, let’s go over the rules”

the day of the wedding. a day you dreaded, not because of what happened last time you saw her family, no you’d never regret that. you just hate ceremonies, especially long ones that require you to be in the vicinity of the laforteza family. hopefully this won't be too long.

“oh you were serious? uh, no drinking and stay with you”

“and…”

“come on, can i at least say hi to him?“

“nope, you’re staying away from matthew today. you’re also forgetting the important one”

“and that is?”

sophia glared at you. of course you’d ignore that one.

“keep your thoughts to yourself, okay? don’t defend me today. it’s a happy day for my cousin and i don’t want you to take that from her by mentioning her parents relationship problems again”

of course she’s right. it is a happy day, surely you can restrain yourself.

“okay, i’ll bite my tongue today. you look gorgeous by the way”

and she does. her dress fits her perfectly and her makeup is beautiful. if you didn’t have self control, you’d stay home and kiss her until you pass out but you know that’s not an option.

“you too, beautiful”

at the wedding venue, sophia immediately grabs your hand, keeping you close. her aunt glares at you from the minute she sees you, straight to the start of the ceremony. 

“um, sophia, she keeps staring at me”

you whisper, keeping your eyes on the crazy woman as you sit in your respective seats 

“ignore her. she’s not gonna do anything”

she dismissed it without even looking away from the front.

“it’s kinda creeping me out…”

you eventually shrug it off and try focusing on the wedding. your hand finding hers, playing with her fingers as you get bored.

sophia meant it when she said you’re not leaving her side. she hasn’t let go of your hand once as she walks around during the reception, speaking to her family. you expected that you’d get nasty looks but surprisingly, most people just ignored you. 

“y/n!”

everyone except matthew. turning your head, you see matthew coming straight to you, drink in hand.

“i’ve been looking for you. let’s get some drinks”

you look at sophia, who’s looking right back at you, waiting for you to say no.

“sorry matthew, i’m not drinking today”

you can see the disappointment on his face, which he doesn’t bother to hide, but he doesn’t let that stop him.

“fine, let’s hang though. everyone else here is boring”

“well… i’m gonna stay with sophia. you can stay with us if you want, if that’s okay with her”

she reluctantly gives the okay and matthew groans but he agrees, saying something about how he hopes for some entertainment.

so now sophia doesn’t have just one idiot following her around, she has two and they’re worse together. she tries to continue her conversation with her aunts but the laughter coming from directly beside her is distracting. she doesn’t mind the laughter but the aunts take offense to it.

“excuse me, but we’re trying to have a conversation here”

just as you’re about to apologize, she speaks again, more agitated this time.

“i swear it’s like you have no respect or regard for anyone but yourself. it’s always something with you.”

you look around for a second, first at matthew, who looks a little too excited for the interaction. then at sophia, before looking back at the aunt, trying to see who she’s talking to and ready to speak your mind. sophia knows it’s going to be a repeat of every other time so she quickly squeezes your hand.

“y/n…”

that warning was enough for you to bite your tongue but that didn’t stop you from giving the woman a dirty look.

“come on y/n, really? that’s it? you’re not gonna tell her off?”

you look at matthew’s pout and scoff. of course he wants there to be drama.

“nope, i promised to keep my thoughts to myself today”

“that’s lame, i’m gonna get a drink”

you’re surprisingly quiet the rest of the time, ignoring all the slick comments that you happen to tune in to. everyone who looks at you can tell that you’re bored and would rather be anywhere but here.

you haven’t moved from your spot since sophia started her conversation, so when someone bumps into you and spills wine all over you, it doesn’t fail to annoy you. what made it worse was when you looked up, you saw her aunt from the engagement party smirking at you like she just got her lick back.

“oh my god, i didn’t see you there!”

the conversation paused and everyones now watching you two, waiting for your reaction.

you look at sophia, taking in the look of panic on her face, they way her hand tightens slightly around yours, tugging a little.

“it’s fine. no big deal” 

you can tell everyone around you is surprised. they expected much worse from you and you don’t miss the relief on sophia’s face.

that doesn’t matter though, because it’s clear that the older woman just wants a reaction from you.

“you should really watch where you’re going.“

“i haven’t moved from this spot”

“honestly though, it’s not like the wine messed up anything good. my cats collar probably costs more than your outfit”

“that’s nice”

your nonchalance is clearly upsetting her and she’s getting more and more frustrated that you aren’t giving her the reaction she desperately wants so she starts trying harder to push your buttons.

“i really don’t know what sophia sees in you. i mean yeah, you’re kinda pretty but that’s about it. you’re no good. she can do so much better. if only she’d agree to go on those dates her mom used to set up for her”

usually she wouldn’t say anything. it’s not like her to talk back to her family, but hearing someone talk about her girlfriend like that seemed to hit a nerve.

“excuse me? you have no right to wonder about anyone’s relationship, especially with what you have going on at home. go deal with your husband before you try to question what my girlfriend means to me. just because your marriage is shit, doesn’t mean you can try to interfere with other people’s relationships.”

“well damn”

the silence that follows honestly makes the whole situation even funnier. it takes everything in you not to laugh knowing there’s a time and place and this is not the time. if anything, it’s expected that you talk back but no one expected sophia to be the one dragging her. 

her aunt looks embarrassed and angry. how could her good niece say something like that to her?

“sophia! look at how she influenced you! this is even more reason for you to get rid of her!”

“i’ll let her leave me when you start respecting yourself”

you say before dragging sophia away, and to the bar, way too eager to get drinks in your systems.

“i didn’t expect that from you”

“well she was going too far, i couldn’t just let her say stuff about you”

“aww you care about me?”

“shut up. i’m proud of you though. you were nice all day”

“yeah well, i couldn’t break my promise” you say, lifting your joined hand to your lips, placing a kiss to the back of her hand.

“hey! what’d i miss?”

matthew appears out of nowhere, joining you two at the bar.

you catch him up with everything that happened and he groans.

“are you kidding me? go to the restroom for two seconds and i miss everything. this is why i drink.”

“i swear you’re only here for the drama”

[totallynotashieldagent]

bob floyd meet cute please please!!

The Birthday Blurbs Special

This trip hadn't been planned but a window had opened up and Bob had decided to take it up before anyone else could snatch it.

So, here he was. Visiting his home.

His parents had been thrilled for it, but at the moment, he was doing a coffee run real quick because him visiting meant his parents invited the whole family for dinner to see their baby boy, and that meant, he needed to stay awake for the following ten hours. No matter how jetlagged he was.

Bob stood in the line, stifling a yawn with the back of his hand.

He looked around the cafe. Not much had changed since he was a kid. Same old indie music, same old decorations. Only changes were the staff and some things on the menu.

Bob yawned again, sighing softly, rubbing his eyes a little. He tried to reread the menu but his eyes weren't focusing enough and he stepped forward and-

"Oh god!" You gasped as his solid frame collided into you.

Thank god, the drink in your hand was a cold one as the cup squished and exploded between the two of you.

"Jesus, I'm so sorry! Let me-" He grabbed napkins and started dabbing at himself and you. You froze, your eyes wide in surprise. "Oh- Oh, I shouldn't-" He suddenly realised what he was doing and froze too. "I'm so sorry- I - I- I'm not this- this-"

"It's fine." You take the napkins from him and dab it off myself as he handled himself.

"At least it was cold." He said awkwardly, trying to ease the tension.

"Small mercies-" You laughed a little even though you were annoyed, wet and sticky.

"I really am sorry. I'm usually more aware of my surroundings." Bob said softly. "Can I please buy you another? It's the least I can do. I mean, apart from drycleaning-" He added quickly, fishing out his card from his pocket. "Please. You can send me the bill on my number and-"

"Lieutenant?" You asked, taking his card.

"Uh- Yes-" He flushed immediately. "Navy." He cleared his throat. "I'm just visiting my parents for the-" He was starting to lose his train of thought. You were looking at him with doe eyes, listening to every word he was saying and- "Bob." He suddenly said, offering his hand. "Just Bob. No Lieutenant."

You smiled, shaking his hand. "Bob." You nodded, "Are you in town for long?" You couldn't help but ask. "For- For the drink you owe me." You added.

"The week but I'll- I'll definitely be buying- I mean- Making up to you. For the drink." Bob said sweetly, his ears still pink but his face twisted into a goofy grin.

He was counting all his lucky stars to have gotten this exact week off.

[darlingxs-blog]

Hii! I just want to let you know that your soul bond series is good!! I like that you established the boys as demons first and how the soulbond came into existence. I feel like it’s more real! Like yea they were demons! I really enjoy your writing!! Can’t wait for chpt 3!!

⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢

A glitch in the system ig

Chapter 03 - "Soulbound" Saja Boys x Reader"

CW- this chapter does not fit the theme for the rest of the story, sorry sorry!!

══════════════════════════════

you wake up to find yourself resting on a broken in couch, cushions made of a filling that has chunks ripped out of it in some places. At least the cotton cover is comfortable.

When you peak your eyes open you notice the water stained coffee table with all sorts of junk covering the surface, and to the left of you is a couch rotated at a ninety degree angle, a girl with obviously dyed hair rests on it while tapping her foot to the beat of the music that is softly pouring from the TV's sound bar.

She seems to notice you when she reaches for the monster can on the coaster.

She smiles and sits up straight to wave before laying against the two pillows that are resting on the couches arm. "Hiya! I'm Bridgette! The author."

Before you can say anything She speaks up again.

"Well, I guess I can't really be calling myself an author since to you this isn't a book...meh whatever I'm whatever you want to call me." She flips over to lay on her stomach while waving her hand dismissively at nothing.

"You are currently in my living room! This is where I do most of the very important work. Unless it's nighttime, then I do it in my bedroom but trust me you do not want to be in there."

She grabs the tall pink can and takes a sip before returning her attention back to you.

"I hope you don't mind me doing this, I just wanted to talk a little bit more about what's happening but I couldn't find a way to fit it in the story and have it make sense. Seriously, I tried."

"Well you haven't clicked off yet so I'll assume it's A-ok to explain it like this."

"Okay so you now have a bond with the Saja Boys, you are aware of that right?" Again she flips over to lay on her back while turning her head to look at me while she talks.

I nod and that triggers another spew of ramblings.

"Perfect! So basically humans can't bond with demons, cause well demons don't have souls and a bond is the connection of two souls butt before the Saja Boys became demons they have already made a bond with other people."

"Don't worry, they don't matter. They are already dead since like the Saja Boys have been alive for a really long time..."

The emphasis on the 'really long time' seems to drag out for a while as she lowers her voice to a whisper.

"But anyway! Your soul is kinda like a hollow cocoon. It's there but it's empty. Long story short you had a partner who was supposed to be your soulmate and then like a day before the bond was going to form that person found someone else who they love and they made a bond like instantly, in return the essence of your soul kinda like shattered? That's why you didn't have a will to live. Cause you were quite literally heart broken."

Whether you nod or not, Bridgette is going to keep talking.

"The Saja Boys took the soul of their partner's to give to Gwi Ma cause that's just want they do, so since the bond was already made it was still there but it wasn't attached to anyone."

You nod but speak up "I understand that, but how does that explain how those bonds connected to me?" The girl nods and sits up against the pillow as she takes a sip of the monster "don't worry, don't worry. It's actually really simple to understand but it's just hard to explain"

"Let me just-"

"Okay, what's needed to make a bond isn't a soul, it's the souls essence. The morals, personality and mindset of one person. You lost that essence and the bond the Saja Boys had was essence with no soul. Get it?"

"If not think of a kinder egg. The chocolate part is the soul, and the little toy inside is the essence of the soul."

"You had the soul with no essence, the Saja Boys had a bond made with soul essence and no soul. So they kinda mixed together and now those bonds are your own...does that explain how having five bonds is possible?"

You nod again, thank fuck. If not then just comment and I'll explain- I mean what?

"Right but why am I so sick from these bonds?" Finally, you're getting answers

"Oooh that? Okay so basically what happened is that heart you had that wouldn't accept love cause of the heart break- yeah it got ripped to shreds and getting a new heart that can beat for a demon as a human is difficult, so imagine that pain and discomfort with five demons. That pain your thinking of is the pain you have now"

"Again, don't worry. As long as one of the Saja Boys is close to you, you won't feel the pain. The closer they are the better you'll feel and the faster the process will get."

That answers your question, and makes you ask another one. "But why would the bond destroy my heart? Couldn't it just heal it or something?"

"Good question"

she responds with a hum of approval

"I have two answers actually. One, it's because only someone with a soul- a filled soul, can fix their heart

and even if those bonds made your soul complete its still technically not your soul anymore.

It's a mix of five others, and since you want to find love you needed a heart that would accept it. Out with the old and in with the new, basically.

Or it's just cause I wanted to write a sick fic, a really intense sick fic."

Next Chapter, by the way. Wink wink.

"Any more questions?" She turns onto her stomach again and looks at you with a hand on her cheek.

"No." You reply while shaking your head. "Is there anything else you would like to say?"

"Uhmm other than thank you for reading this far, not really. I don't think I need to clarify anything else..."

After a few minutes of silence she nods and stands up to plop herself down on the couch you're sitting on to sit beside you. "Well! If you have any questions comment literally anywhere and I'll answer as soon as I can, I try to reply to everyone by the way so even if you just want to comment your thoughts you are free to do that."

"Okay! In the next chapter you'll remember the information I gave you..except for what I just said, but you won't remember where you got it from, who told you it and what I said exactly. You just know how that bond formed, oki doki? And of course, don't worry. I won't pull you back in here, and this won't be brought up again. This is supposed to be an emotional fic not a comedy, Fourth wall breaking one. I really do swear I just had no idea how to explain it."

"Right! Okay so you'll have to go now, don't worry I'm back to posting one chapter per day schedule so it'll be out soon and seriously if you stayed and are willing to continue reading I appreciate you soso much and I am so greatful for you. Love you lots!! MWAHMWAH

══════════════════════════════

A/N- sorry for the like really late post!! I was genuinely struggling so I just decided to write this instead I hope you don't mind...

[itoshiierae]

picnic dates with the toman boys ⋆.ೃ࿔

ᡣ𐭩 ft: manjiro sano, ken ryuguji, kazutora hanemiya, mitsuya takashi, baji keisuke, chifuyu matsuno, takemichi hanagaki

ᡣ𐭩 notes: this is what happens when you let the toman boys plan a picnic. mikey brought snacks for himself, draken pulled the “you look better in my jacket” card, kazutora is a poetic menace, mitsuya deserves a michelin star, baji shows up late, chifuyu tried making cat-shaped onigiris, and takemichi??? well baby tried his best… and we love him for it 😭

MANJIRO SANO ❤︎₊ ⊹

⟢ brings exactly one item: a pack of dorayaki… but for himself. he might’ve also ‘gently threatened’ the other Toman boys to prep everything else for your picnic ahead of time, and sure enough by the time you and him arrived — everything was already laid out perfectly at the spot.

⟢ ends up lying on your lap the entire time, head resting against your thigh like it’s the only place he ever wants to be. not because he’s tired (though he always is) but because your presence calms something in him.

⟢ doesn’t even eat the other food that much — just picks at it and feeds you in between, holding up a piece with a lazy, “open… now.” he’s infamous for never sharing his dorayaki with anyone… but when it comes to you??? he offers you the last bite without blinking.

⟢ steals your sunglasses, puts them on upside down, and looks at you with a straight face: “… do i look cute or do i look cute??”

⟢ at one point, he stares at the sky for a long, quiet moment. then, so softly it almost gets carried away by the wind: ��we should do this again when we’re old...” and he doesn’t even laugh after. instead, he just stares at you & it’s his own way of telling you that he’s already imagining growing old next to you.

KEN RYUGUJI ❤︎₊ ⊹

⟢ brought a giant thermal bag even though it’s got full-on bentos inside. he tried to make at least some of it himself (he needed some of the women in the establishment to help him out), and he proudly says, “don’t ask me which part i made… just eat and tell me if it’s at least decent.”

⟢ caught you staring at him mid-laugh and said, “if you keep lookin’ at me like that, i might propose right here.” then he pauses — smirk lingering, but his eyes??? they’re dead serious. “… no ring yet, but i mean it.”

⟢ leans back with one hand behind his head, watching you eat more than eating himself. you catch him staring and he just shrugs, “what??? you look cute when you’re chewing.”

⟢ offers you his jacket halfway through even though it’s not cold. he doesn’t say why — just instantly covers your shoulders with it and then says, “wear it. you look better in my clothes anyway.”

⟢ made a playlist the night before just for the picnic. it’s mostly old school r&b, a couple of songs he thinks ‘you might like’ and one weird edm track that snuck in. “… don’t judge, spotify was bein’ weird.”

KAZUTORA HANEMIYA ❤︎₊ ⊹

⟢ shows up with a picnic basket that looks like it came straight off pinterest — woven handle, red checkered cloth, tied with twine. it honestly looked super aesthetic… until you opened it and found slightly burnt sandwiches inside. “i made them myself,” he shrugs proudly.

⟢ hands you a tiny bunch of wild daisies he picked on the way over. “they looked pretty… just like you,” he says simply.

⟢ fiddles with your fingers the whole time you’re lying on the blanket. doesn’t say much while he does it — he just intertwines them with his own, gently pressing your knuckles like he wants to remember this moment forever.

⟢ randomly turns philosophical out of nowhere. “…do you think souls recognize each other before people do??” he doesn’t expect an answer. he just looks at you like maybe, just maybe — his soul knew yours all along.

⟢ puts on music from a tiny speaker he pulled from his bag. and before you know it, the two of you are slow dancing under a sky painted in watercolour hues and clouds that looked like they were dreaming too. when the song ends, he tucks your hair behind your ear and says: “if we were animals, you’d be one of those tiny forest animals that just… sit there & look pretty. and i’d be the feral one protecting you from a distance.”

MITSUYA TAKASHI ❤︎₊ ⊹

⟢ of course he brought everything. we’re talking cutlery wrapped in linen, folded cloth napkins, homemade bento boxes and a berry tart he baked himself at 2am because he wanted to surprise you. “it’s not much,” he says it casually, like the meal doesn’t look like it came from a café in Paris.

⟢ casually gifts you a matching handkerchief with your initials embroidered into the corner — in your favourite color, of course. “thought it might come in handy,” he says, handing it to you like it’s not the most thoughtful thing ever.

⟢ snaps a few photos of you when you’re not looking — when you’re laughing, or when the wind catches your hair justtt right. those go straight into a locked photo album on his phone titled: my love ♡

⟢ he gently brushes crumbs off your face, as his thumb lingers at your cheek before he leans in and kisses it. not once, but twice; softly, repeatedly — like he’s making sure you know you’re adored.

⟢ at one point, he leans back on his elbows, sunglasses slipping slightly down his nose, humming a soft tune under his breath before murmuring, “you always look your prettiest in sunlight, y’know that? you’re such a natural beauty… and i’m so lucky.”

BAJI KEISUKE ❤︎₊ ⊹

⟢ shows up 30 minutes late, hair windswept and a scratch on his cheek. “yo. i’m late, i know. but to be fair… i had to break up a cat fight.” you squint at him. “like actual cats or—” he shrugs. “not sure, one of them hissed — the other threw a punch.”

⟢ brings convenience store food like it’s a full-course feast. “what?? i got variety,” he says, completely unbothered, as if he’s just pulled off the ultimate romantic gesture. you glance down and blink — it’s four onigiris (all different flavours, as if that makes it fancy), two instant yakisoba bowls, and a mystery bento that’s somehow still warm even though he showed up nearly half an hour late.

⟢ pulls out three canned drinks from his bag and goes, “i didn’t know what you liked, so i got three different ones. you can have mine too.” then? he casually cracks open the one you were eyeing and drinks it without hesitation. “what?” he shrugs, lips twitching. “we’re sharing, aren’t we?”

⟢ you tease him about actually enjoying peaceful stuff like this, and he immediately gets defensive. “oi, don’t start thinking i’m going soft or anything,” he grumbles, flicking your forehead. “i just like you, not the picnic crap...”

⟢ outside your house after the picnic, he ruffles your hair roughly and mutters, “next time, i’ll cook. swear on it.” he says it with that usual bite in his tone, but there’s something soft tucked underneath.

CHIFUYU MATSUNO ❤︎₊ ⊹

⟢ he spent the entire night before trying to recreate a recipe he found online — cute little rice cats with sausage ears, seaweed eyes, and tiny whiskers. but somewhere between shaping the rice and cutting the nori, things went downhill fast. they were supposed to look adorable… instead, they came out looking slightly cursed. “they looked better in the tutorial, okay?” he mutters, trying not to pout as you stifle a laugh.

⟢ he also brought your favorite drink and backup snacks just in case you didn’t like the cat-shaped onigiris (you did but he still made you eat the strawberry pocky too)

⟢ borrowed the mat from baji, who may or may not have threatened him with a slipper to the head if it came back dirty. “this mat’s limited edition, fuyu… if there’s even one grass stain— i’m skinning you.”

⟢ if you lay your head on his shoulder, he’s literally done for. you won. game over. he’s mentally fast-forwarding to a future where you both have matching toothbrushes and a fat orange cat. he swears his heart skipped a beat. twice

⟢ randomly blurts, “i hope we do this again. like, a lot…” — and the second the words leave his mouth, he freezes. his ears go pink first. then his cheeks. then the tip of his nose. he fumbles to grab his drink like it’s some kind of emotional shield, holding it up to his mouth as if it’ll hide how red he’s getting.

TAKEMICHI HANAGAKI ❤︎₊ ⊹

⟢ tries to plan the entire picnic by himself… emphasis on tries. he forgets the blanket, napkins, and even the deck of card games he swore would be “fun for us.” mid-date? he’s sheepishly calling friends to bring over the missing items. “i’m so sorry…. just gimme ten minutes, i swear i had a checklist—” but honestly??? it’s kind of cute seeing how hard he tried.

⟢ “i was gonna cook… but the stove kinda almost exploded and i— yeah, i gave up...” so he ordered food instead, complete with utensils and drinks, just to make sure the both of you had something to eat.

⟢ he laughs it off even with the little mishaps and you find yourself smiling more because of it. when you said, “i really appreciate how much you tried today,” his cheeks flushed instantly, and he looked away like he didn’t know what to do with your sincerity.

⟢ he’s seated across from you, cross-legged, nodding along as you speak. and when you get emotional even just a little??? he offers a small, reassuring smile and says, “you don’t have to hold it in… your feelings matter too.”

⟢ he shares the most ridiculous stories — falling off bikes, getting into fights with other gangs, dyeing his hair on a dare. when you laugh and say how chaotic the day’s been, he just smiles and goes, “i don’t need everything to be perfect… i just need it to be you.”

© itoshiierae 2025 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅ please do not modify or repost my content onto any other platforms.

[readingiskeepingmegoing]

I am so happy to see these two nincompoops back.

“Lyd, I was just about to…” “What the hell did you do, Kat?” she interrupted.

Oh good, Lyd will talk some sense into her.

When I reached the open doorway to his dressing room, the sight I found stopped me in my tracks. He was smiling down at Anika as she leaned in and planted a kiss right on his mouth.

Shiiiiiiiiit!

Dieter: I was hoping we could talk today.

🥺

Things started off well enough, breezing through the details regarding our performance for this week. They had us doing the fucking Lambada.

Joe and Stacia are getting pretty blatant now.

Lana chuckled, “No. No guilt at all. I did Kat a favor. Alec is an asshole. She deserved better. Besides, you know how this show works. I’m only doing what I’ve been paid to do. That’s why I’m here alone. Stacia and Joe want an update on what I know. I’m happy to say that Alec Balaska will be nothing but an afterthought as soon as the season is over.”

I have never 108'd so quickly as I have gor Lana!

I vaguely registered Anika jumping slightly from my appearance, mumbling out an, “oh shit,” under her breath. My focus, however, was solely on Lana. She sat confidently with her legs crossed and a shit-eating grin on her face. She knew I was there the entire time.

I nodded, “Thank you. I mean it. I do need to ask you for one more favor though.” Her brows arched, “Name it.” I smirked, “Fuck him up good. Please?”

Can't wait to see what's gonna happen. He deserves everything that is coming to him.

He sighed, turning back to the camera. His brows pinched together as he spoke, “We miss you.” As if on cue, Zee turned to the camera and meowed loudly, like she was agreeing. Dieter chuckled quietly, giving her another scratch on the chin before reaching to shut off the stream.

Zee wants her mama home, now!

I hoisted myself up on top of the stone wall and threw my legs over, “Ugh, this seems a lot higher than I realized…”After a centering breath, I twisted to carefully lower myself down. Not that it did any good because I lost my grip and fell into the shrubbery below with a loud, “Ooof.”

I fully expected it to be Dieter going over the wall 🤣

No one has ever had this kind of hold on me. I am in love with you. I’ve never said those words to anyone, not even my parents. So, it does mean something when I say it. I wasn’t even sure I was capable of it until the second you bumped into me.”

He pulled away, cupping my cheeks as he peered up at me with tears in his eyes and a smile. “I’ll let you lead. I don’t plan to ever dance with anyone else. You’re it for me. If that’s what it takes, then you lead… and I’ll follow.”

😭😭

That song! Oh boy 😭

I couldn’t help chuckling as I shook my head at her, “How hard did you fall?” She shrugged, “Hard enough to regret it later I suppose.” “I can’t believe you did that. You’ve been around me too long. That’s some stupid shit I would’ve done.”

🤣🤣

I sighed, “Fuck. I forgot to feed the kid.” Kat snickered as I rolled out of the bed to open the door. Zee didn't’ waste any time, sprinting into the room and jumping on the bed to snuggle up to Kat - bumping her head against Kat’s chin while letting out low growls to show her displeasure of Kat’s absence. I chuckled, “I get it Zee, I had the urge to rub all up on her, too.”

Zee gets what she wants in the end.

Then I snuggled up with both my ladies and had the best night of sleep I had had in nearly two weeks. Everything was finally right in the world again.

Both his ladies! 🥹🥹

She arched her back toward me, our stomachs touching as she began moving her hips against me. Like, really grinding against me.I sucked in a sharp breath, getting hard instantly. I stepped away with a tight smile, “Oh. Fuck. Ooook. So, imma have to learn to control my boner. Got it.”

Every time she told me that she loved me, my heart danced a little in my chest. I never realized how much I needed to hear someone say that to me until her. And now, I crave it constantly.

Everything that they have both been through has been leading them to each other and they healing they both need.

I grinned, “Yeah, I mean we’re performing first, right? I say we let fucking be our hype song this week. It’s a good way to get the adrenaline pumping.”

They praised us for our comeback after last week, noting that we were only the fourth couple to have ever performed that dance and were the best. None of the other three couples had received a perfect score. We were the first and only ones to make it happen.

Are we shocked Lana is still on her redemption tour? I don't think we can hate her anymore, can we? Then of course we have Lydia and Evan doing their good deeds as well.

Lana is fully redeemed in my eyes.Lydia and Evan need to meet. I feel like that would be an unstoppable friendship.

Closed Position: Week 10 (Lambada)

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo x OFC (Katarina)

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition, Dancing with the Stars, would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble. 

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on the show to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo. 

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

Chapter Word Count: 10.6k

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence (not from Dieter), past alcohol abuse, and past drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

Chapter Quote: "Did you…climb over the fucking fence?”

Kat’s POV

I burst through the building exit, dragging fresh air into my lungs as I struggled to breathe. Standing on stage with Dieter and being placed in the bottom three had really messed me up. We could have been voted off after that abhorrently shitty performance without any reason to see each other beyond this night. It would have been the end of everything. The dancing. Us. Except, there was no us because I had royally fucked it all up. I knew that now. I also knew what I felt for him was real. I wouldn’t have had such a visceral reaction to the possibility of never seeing him again if it wasn’t. 

I leaned against the rough brick of the building, taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly to get my emotions under control as I thought through what to do next. I needed to fix this, but I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know how to make him understand the crippling fear that had taken over every cell of my body, causing me to behave the way I had toward him. 

My phone vibrated in my hand, pulling me from my thoughts. It was my sister calling. I wasn’t shocked, figuring she had just watched the live show. With trembling hands, I swiped to answer. 

“Lyd, I was just about to…”

“What the hell did you do, Kat?” she interrupted. 

I sighed. She knew. Of course she knew. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“Last time I talked to you, you were spazzing out about him and talking about putting on the breaks. So, what did you do?”

I rubbed at the throbbing pain between my brows, “I fucked up, Lyd. I really did. I’ve gotta fix it. I asked for a pause, just so I could untangle the thoughts in my head. He didn’t take it well at all. The day he had that outburst in the studio…I followed him outside. He told me he was in love with me, and I just stood there. I fucking stood there and didn’t say anything back even though I wanted to. I’ve broken him twice in the last two weeks…in the worst ways possible…and I don’t know how to fix it.” 

Lydia let out a controlled breath, “Oh, Kat. I don’t even know what to say. Why didn’t you call me? I could have talked you off the ledge.”

I shook my head, “I-I dunno. I was spiraling hard. I let it go too far. I’ve hurt him badly.”

She sighed, “You need to talk to him. Tell him everything you’re feeling. He may understand better than you think.”

I scoffed, “I’ve tried explaining it to him and all I managed to do was make things worse. I dunno how to do this.” 

“Well, you need to figure it out. Fast. You two won’t make it through another week like that. It was obvious something was wrong tonight.”

I groaned, “You’re right. I’m just…” I shook my head to clear it, “I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna go in there and tell him that I’m in love with him too. I just need him to be patient with me. That’s it.” 

“It’s a start. Just…don’t hold back anymore. OK? He deserves everything because he’s giving you everything. Meet him where he’s at and it’ll all work out.” 

I puffed air out of my cheeks, “Yeah. You’re right. I’m gonna go talk to him now. I’ll call you later this week.” 

“Good. And Kat?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget to breathe. I’m sure he’s just as nervous about this as you are. Remember that. Good luck.”

“Thanks, Lyd.”

I ended the call, taking one last calming breath before turning to go back inside the building. I walked with trepidation down the hallway, rehearsing in my head what I wanted to say but still fearing he wouldn’t want to speak to me. When I reached the open doorway to his dressing room, the sight I found stopped me in my tracks. He was smiling down at Anika as she leaned in and planted a kiss right on his mouth. 

A mixture of hurt and rage fizzled in my chest as I turned on my heel and made a beeline for my dressing room, slamming the door shut behind me and locking it. I sank to the floor, sobbing into the tops of my knees. How could I have been so stupid? Of course he hadn’t changed. He was already moving on and back to his playboy ways. At least I saw it with my own eyes before giving myself over to him completely.

The following morning, I awoke with my stomach in knots. I wasn’t sure if I could face him. Not after seeing him with Anika and definitely not with Stacia and Joe in the room. I was trying to think about anything but Dieter as I gathered my things to leave. My phone pinged in my hand, just as I grabbed my keys on the way toward the car. 

Dieter: I’m not gonna make it to the production meeting. My therapist is threatening to call in a wellness check if I don’t come see her first thing this morning. Sorry to leave you to deal with Stacia and Joe alone.

I sighed, half in relief and half in disgust. The reprieve was nice, but I couldn’t help questioning if he was being honest in his reasoning. For all I knew, he was shacked up somewhere with Anika giving her the best sex of her life. The thought caused me to cringe as I pulled the door shut behind me and got in the car. Once I was buckled in, I inhaled deeply and replied.

Me: It’s fine. That’s more important. Maybe we should just take the day to regroup anyway? Start fresh tomorrow?

Now it seemed the roles were reversed. The thought of seeing him after last night hurt too much. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it. Truth be told, the thought of dropping out crossed my mind a couple of times as I tossed and turned in bed this morning. 

I watched the little bubbles bounce, then stop. That happened several times before his reply finally came through. 

Dieter: I was hoping we could talk today. 

I scoffed, “OH. Now you wanna talk?” 

Did he know that I saw him with Anika? Is that why he wanted to talk? Or maybe he wanted to tell me before I found out from someone else. My mind was racing, a million thoughts in a matter of seconds. I didn’t know how to handle this. The betrayal felt much worse than anything Alec ever did to me. I chewed on the inside of my cheek, typing.

Me: We can talk tomorrow. I need a day. 

Dieter: Ok. Tomorrow then. Please. 

I huffed in frustration. Please. He definitely wanted to talk to me about Anika. That one little word seemed to be pissing me off more than I already was. I didn’t really have any right to be mad at him though. Technically, we weren’t together. But fucking Anika? Of all people? It made me sick. 

It took every ounce of strength I had to compose myself for the meeting with Stacia and Joe. Luckily, Lenny called ahead to let them know Dieter had an appointment that he couldn’t miss, so it took some of the heat off. Things started off well enough, breezing through the details regarding our performance for this week. They had us doing the fucking Lambada. If they thought the Jazz performance was bad, then the Lambada was going to be nothing short of a train wreck. I had to work double time to control my facial reaction to that news. 

I had hoped that would be the end of it, but they couldn’t help interrogating me about the obvious tension this past week. “Can you fill us in on what was going on with Dieter? Why did he have an outburst like that?” Stacia asked. 

I shrugged, “Like I said, we’re old. We’re tired. Everyone has good and bad days when we rehearse this much. You should know that above anyone.” 

“You’re sure there’s nothing going on with you two? Because that seemed like more than just being tired. If there is, we need to nip it now. Another performance like that and you two are out.” 

I sighed, “And so what if we are? Why are you so worried about it? Aren’t you supposed to be unbiased about the contestants?”

Stacia’s nostrils flared, “We are. However, we do have to take ratings and promotion into consideration, as well. You two are a major draw. Especially when it comes to social media attention.” 

I huffed out a laugh, shaking my head. “Well, if they like us so fucking much, maybe they’ll have pity and vote to keep us around. Are we done here?” 

Joe rubbed at his temples, “Kat, we’re actually on your side here. We’re not the bad guys. We do wanna help.” 

My jaw clenched, “There’s nothing to help. We had an off week. That’s it. Now, I’d appreciate it if you would stop prying and meddling.”

He pursed his lips before nodding. Surrendering, for now. I stood, giving them a forced smile as I turned to exit the conference room, feeling hot from the adrenaline brought on by the experience. When I entered the lobby, I stepped into the small alcove where the vending machines were tucked away, in search of something to drink. I found myself suddenly missing my usual morning cup of Dieter provided coffee, causing my heart to clench in my chest. Everything reminded me of him now. 

I stood, taking in the selection when the sound of hushed voices carried through the wall of ferns separating the seating area from the alcove. 

“So, I heard Dieter blew you off last night?” one voice asked. 

A scoff, “How the hell did you find out about that?” It was Anika. 

An amused reply, “A little birdy told me.” I couldn’t make out who this voice belonged to, but it sounded familiar. 

“Fucking hell. Nobody can keep their mouths shut around here.”

A chuckle, “So. What happened?”

“Ugh, fine. I’d rather you know the truth than hear whatever people are saying. So, after the show was over, I noticed Dieter’s dressing room door was open. After that performance, it was obvious he and Kat were on the outs, so I thought I’d take advantage of the situation. Anyway, I went in and asked him out. He said he was waiting for Kat. I had seen Kat leave, so I told him that. He looked…I dunno, like, annoyed about it? So, I offered to…let him come back to my place. I really thought he was considering it. He seemed receptive, so I kissed him. He turned into the biggest asshole after that. Basically, told me to fuck off and said he wasn’t interested. He wasn’t nice about it. It was very hurtful the way he said it. Like I was the asshole or something.”

A sense of relief washed over me. He hadn’t done anything wrong. It was all her. 

The other voice snorted out a laugh, “You know Dieter isn’t the same person anymore, right? He’s changed. He’s not into partying and one-night stands. He’s in love with Kat.”

Ankia scoffed, “Dieter Bravo doesn’t fall in love. He’s Hollywood’s biggest fuck boy.” 

“He used to be. He’s sober now. That’s not his life anymore and the fact that you can’t see or respect that does make you the asshole. You need to lay off him. It's disrespectful to Kat.”

Anika gasped, taken aback by that statement. “Why are you so worried about Kat all of a sudden? You feeling guilty for fucking her fiancé now?”

My mouth dropped open in shock. The other voice was Lana. This whole conversation had my heart racing out of my chest. A nervous sweat was now dripping down my back as I stood staring at the vending machine, unmoving. 

Lana chuckled, “No. No guilt at all. I did Kat a favor. Alec is an asshole. She deserved better. Besides, you know how this show works. I’m only doing what I’ve been paid to do. That’s why I’m here alone. Stacia and Joe want an update on what I know. I’m happy to say that Alec Balaska will be nothing but an afterthought as soon as the season is over.” 

It took everything in me to hold in the maniacal laughter that was bubbling in my chest. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Lana fucking Thompson, of all people, had just made my day and saved my relationship with Dieter. 

Before I even registered what I was doing, my feet carried me around the wall of ferns. I paused, staring at Lana with wide eyes, mouth still agape from the news. I vaguely registered Anika jumping slightly from my appearance, mumbling out an, “oh shit,” under her breath. My focus, however, was solely on Lana. She sat confidently with her legs crossed and a shit-eating grin on her face. She knew I was there the entire time. 

She stood, approaching me with a friendly smile. “I need you to know that everything I just said was true…and I’m sorry. Even if my intentions were good, I know it was still hard on you. I’ve known guys like Alec my entire life and I know the kind of power they can have over you. I needed you to see who he really was. Regardless of what happens with Dieter, you needed to be freed from Alec.”

I could feel tears prickling behind my eyes. She wasn’t wrong. It was going to take something major to wake me up to who he really was. She gave me that.

I nodded, “Thank you. I mean it. I do need to ask you for one more favor though.”

Her brows arched, “Name it.” 

I smirked, “Fuck him up good. Please?” 

She gave me a toothy grin, “Already planned on it.” 

My smile matched hers as she pulled me in for a tight hug. She held it for a beat, then pulled away. 

“Now, go get your man. I can’t handle you two fighting anymore.” 

I chuckled, “I’ll try.” 

I went home after that. I needed to clear my head and process the events of the day. I also needed to figure out what I was going to do about Dieter. The fear was still there scratching at the door that I was frantically trying to shut in that part of my brain. I wanted to believe that what he felt was real. Everyone else seemed to think it was. They could all see it, so why couldn’t I? 

I took a page out of Dieter’s book, moving through the house to tend to my plants in the way he had taught me. Pruning. Dusting. Misting. I could see why he enjoyed it. There was a certain mindless numbness that went along with the process. It was a good mental reset. Almost like meditation. Hours passed before I realized it. As I finished up, I considered what Lydia said about watching our videos on YouTube. I had just settled on the idea of doing it when my phone started blowing up with notifications. They were from Lydia. I didn’t even get a chance to read the text because she started calling. Concerned, I answered immediately.

“Lyd? Everything OK?”

She was breathless with excitement, “Please tell me your fucking watching this?”

I huffed out a nervous laugh, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Instagram live! Dieter! I swear to God Kat, if you don’t marry that man, I will.” 

I snorted, “And how does your husband feel about that?”

“He’d probably officiate it... HOLY. SHIT. Kat! He has…you just need to watch it. He just ended it. Fuck. You need to see it. I might cry.” 

I didn’t know how to respond. She sounded like she was having a meltdown on the other end of the line. 

I sighed, “What the hell are you going on about?”

She let out the most ridiculous squeal, prompting me to pull the phone away from my ear. 

“It’s on his story. GO WATCH IT. NOW. Call me when you’re done.”

I sighed, “Ok. Ok. Just stop screeching. Please.” 

“Ok. Bye.” 

The line went dead. 

I looked at my phone, “What the actual fuck?”

Butterflies formed in the pit of my stomach. I could not comprehend what he could’ve done to have her acting like this. It actually freaked me out a little. When I opened Instagram, I had hundreds of notifications from where I had been tagged in the comments of his video. 

I groaned, “Oh god. Dieter what did you do?”  

I was hesitant to click on his story, inhaling a deep breath before taking the plunge. When the video began to play, Dieter was fiddling with the camera angle. He finally settled it where he wanted, then picked up his acoustic guitar. His sad eyes scanned the screen as he nervously chewed on his lip. Once the viewer numbers began to rise, he smiled and welcomed them. The smile didn’t reach his eyes. It hurt to see him like that. 

As he tuned the guitar, I took in the rest of him. He looked tired. His hair was a mess of fluffy curls, hanging down over his forehead. I ached to run my fingers through them. He was wearing one of his favorite threadbare t-shirts, covering tense shoulders. I wanted to hug the tension away. When he looked back up at the camera, his bottom lip appeared swollen from his teeth. I wanted to kiss away his pain. Fuck. I missed him. 

Once he had the guitar tuned to his liking, he smiled into the camera. “I promised you all I’d do more of these, so here we are. I feel like I need it today. I’ve got some things that I…I dunno…wanna get off my chest. I guess.” 

He plucked a few chords, finding his rhythm. As he did this, my eyes were drawn to several new paintings leaning against the wall in the background. I couldn’t make out what they were since they partially covered each other, but the colors were different. Brighter. It wasn’t his usual style.

He paused, staring into my soul through the screen before taking a centering breath. Then he began to play, strumming a sad melody that I wasn’t familiar with. His eyes were distant, almost melancholy as his mind drifted to another place. He began to sing the lyrics in his low raspy voice, making my skin break out in goosebumps almost immediately. 

🎶Listen HERE.

Hey, can you show me how to make it back cause I’m still tryin to find my way home Hey, can you take my hand keep me on track make sure I never ever ever let it go I would let the stars fade to nothing, nothing If I knew that I’d always have your lovin, lovin You're my gravity, you're holding me down You're the reason that my life’s turned around And in the moments that I’m hopeless I’m just hoping I can hold on to you, hold onto you

I gasped quietly, eyes prickling with tears as I took in the meaning of the words he was putting out for the world to hear. I knew Dieter. He always chose songs with intention. He was holding nothing back, laying his soul bare to get through to me. I could see it in his eyes; he meant every syllable of what he was saying. Seeing him like this, putting every emotion into his words was melting the thin protective barrier that had formed around my heart. 

The voice in my head my thoughts before bed You’re the reason that my heart beat slows To keep pace with my mind and the rhythm of time that never seems to grow old I would let the stars fade to nothing, nothing If I knew that I’d always have your lovin, lovin You're my gravity, you're holding me down You're the reason that my life’s turned around And in the moments that I’m hopeless I’m just hoping I can hold on to you, hold on

The tears streamed down my face. There was no holding them back as his voice wrapped my body in heat, warming me to my core. I had never seen or heard anything so beautiful in my life, and he was mine. If I opened myself up the way he was for me. I could feel my resolve crumbling. 

His voice rose in volume for the next verse, emphasizing the emotion behind the words. It was gravelly and rough, sending shivers down my spine and making me want him more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. 

Oh I’d break my heart a million times just so I could spend my nights with you No need for us to rush I’d find every reason to make it through

He paused the strumming of his guitar, voice quieting to a velvety tone to finish it out. 

Cause you're my gravity, you're holding me down You’re the reason that my life’s turned around And in the moments that I’m hopeless I’m just hoping I can hold on to you, hold on to you. 

He played the last few notes, allowing them to quietly fade. His voice was gone, but the warmth in my body continued as a fire smoldered inside my heart. It was burning with everything that had been holding me back. He had finally broken through, and it was quickly turning into a blaze. 

His eyes were glassy as he looked into the camera, biting the inside of his cheek. Then Zee appeared, jumping up onto his shoulder in that way she does - curling her body around him as she bumped her head against his. He turned, giving her a sad smile and scratched under her chin as he mumbled, “Hey, babygirl.” 

He sighed, turning back to the camera. His brows pinched together as he spoke, “We miss you.” 

As if on cue, Zee turned to the camera and meowed loudly, like she was agreeing. Dieter chuckled quietly, giving her another scratch on the chin before reaching to shut off the stream. As he did so, the camera tilted upward. It was only the briefest glimpse before it disconnected, but it was long enough for me to pause it to see a new painting hanging on the wall. 

The painting showed the bare backside of a woman from the waist up. Her hands sat on her head, holding her dark hair in a pile and exposing her neck. The background was mostly bright red, with swirls of black, white, and a deep green color. Her spine curved slightly, posed mid movement. Defined contours of muscles showed in the shadows. My breath caught in my throat when my attention was drawn to the obvious DB scrawled in the bottom corner. It was his painting. Is that a painting of…me?

My tears quickly turned to sobs. This man had somehow managed to make me feel every emotion imaginable in the last twenty-four hours and I couldn’t even be mad about it. If anything, I wanted more. I wanted him. And I wanted him to have all of me. I was ready to take the risk. To fall for him completely. I trusted him with my fragile heart because this was real. For both of us. I knew that now.

A text came through from my sister, interrupting my emotional breakdown. 

Lydia: Did you watch it yet?

I chuckled, then typed out my response with trembling fingers.

Me: Yes. I’ve been so stupid.

Lydia: No. You just needed time. Go to him. Tell him. Or else I’m gonna come kick your ass. 

I snorted, sending her a thumbs up. I took a moment to gather myself, then opened his story again. This time, watching the comments fly by.

“This is for @dancerkatstamos, right?” “OMG, is Kat watching? @dancerkatstamos look!” “This has to be for @dancerkatstamos. I won’t accept any other explanation!” “He’s breaking my heart! @dancerkatstamos give him another chance!”

And on and on it went. Everyone seemed to know the truth before I did. It made me feel ridiculous that I had been so up my ass about this whole thing and that I had hurt Dieter so terribly in the process. I wouldn’t blame him if he refused to forgive me. 

It took me a few minutes to pull myself together. Then, I got in the car and drove to Dieter’s house. I had mixed emotions the whole way, alternating between being so nervous I felt sick and giddy at the thought of reconciling. I wanted this to be over ASAP.

When I got there, I marched up to the door and knocked. The lights were on, but I saw no movement inside. I tried the handle, but it was locked. I sighed, pulling out my phone to call. It went to voicemail. Three times. I was feeling beyond impatient to get this over with before I lost my nerve.

I groaned, “Damnit Dieter. Figures you would be unreachable right now…”

I moved to peek through the side window, allowing me to look through the kitchen into the backyard where the firepit was burning. Assuming he was there, I made my way around to the gate only to find that it too was locked. The sound of muffled classical music drifted over from the other side of the privacy fence. I puffed air out of my cheeks, now feeling frustrated. And determined. I looked around, finding the trash can sitting next to the house. 

“Ah, fuck it.” 

I knew it was a bad idea as soon as I thought of it, but that didn’t stop me from dragging the full trash can over and climbing on top of it. It allowed me to see over the top of the fence. I spotted Dieter immediately, lying in a lounger toward the far end of the yard. He was facing the ocean, watching the sunset. I tried yelling for him, but he didn’t hear me. 

I hoisted myself up on top of the stone wall and threw my legs over, “Ugh, this seems a lot higher than I realized…”

After a centering breath, I twisted to carefully lower myself down. Not that it did any good because I lost my grip and fell into the shrubbery below with a loud, “Ooof.”

I couldn’t help snorting out a laugh as I stood, pulling leaves from my hair and brushing dirt from my clothes. I glanced up, Dieter hadn’t moved. He obviously couldn’t hear anything over the music. I stumbled toward him, still brushing dirt away. I must have startled him, because he jumped as I walked around to stand in front of him. He sat up straighter, taking his sunglasses off before reaching to turn down the Bluetooth speaker next to him. 

“What the fuck, Kat?” 

He turned toward me, eyes scanning from head to toe. “How did you…Why do you have leaves in your hair?” He looked toward the house, then back to me. “Did you…climb over the fucking fence?”

I grimaced, “Yes. I tried calling. I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait. We need to talk.”

He snorted, “I do have a doorbell, ya know? I can hear it out here on the speaker.”

My face heated, “Uhhh, I didn’t think about that.”

His face softened, “Are you OK? Did you fall?”

I nodded, feeling embarrassed. “The only thing injured is my dignity.”

He chuckled, letting it trail off to a few seconds of silence. His face shifted, his brows furrowing as his body tensed. “I thought you wanted to wait until tomorrow? What changed?”

I chewed on my lip, searching for the right words. “I can’t let another day go by like this. We need to talk.”

He nodded, “Look, about last night. It’s not what you think. I didn’t…”

I held up my hand to stop him, “I know. I know it was Anika. I’m not mad about that.”

His shoulders relaxed, “How do you know?”

I huffed out a laugh, “The craziest thing happened after the production meeting this morning. I overheard Lana asking Anika about it. Anika admitted that she pursued you and you blew her off.”

A wide grin spread across Dieter’s face, “I think I need to send Lana a fruit basket or something. She’s two for two.” 

My brows pinched together, “What does that mean?”

He relaxed in the lounger, “She talked some sense into me last night, helped me understand things from your point of view. It seems she's been working behind the scenes to do Stacia and Joe’s bidding, but she’s also a closet Dieterina supporter.” 

I was shocked to hear they had talked, but I couldn’t be upset about it. She had brought us together. Twice. I smiled, “So, you must be the little birdy that told her about Anika?”

He nodded, “Yeah, we discussed it.” 

I closed the distance between us, sitting on the edge of his seat - angling my body so I could look at him. The mood shifted to something more serious as the air thickened around us.

“I saw your Instagram Live.”

He stared out toward the water with a pensive look on his face, “I meant every word I said.”

He paused, finally turning to meet my gaze.

“I’m afraid too, ya know. I’m afraid that you’re finally gonna wake up and realize I’m not worthy of you. Afraid of fucking up because that’s all I know how to do. And…I’m afraid of how strong my feelings are for you. You’re entangled in my soul now. No one has ever had this kind of hold on me. I am in love with you. I’ve never said those words to anyone, not even my parents. So, it does mean something when I say it. I wasn’t even sure I was capable of it until the second you bumped into me.”

He reached for my hand, squeezing it gently before continuing. 

“All of that scares the hell out of me, but I’m willing to push through it. You’re my world now, Kat. And I swear I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy. I may have some fuck ups, but I can guarantee my past problems are in the past. I’m done with all that. Whatever was broken inside of me…you’ve fixed it. I’m a better person because of you.” 

I was crying again, holding back a sob as I nodded. “I believe you.”

He held his arms open, motioning for me to come to him. I didn’t hesitate, shifting to straddle his hips so I could hug him tightly against me. I buried my nose in his hair, deeply inhaling his scent. It was like a balm on my soul, slowly washing away all my fear and doubt. 

I sighed into his curls, “I’m sorry I hurt you. It wasn’t my intention. I should’ve talked to you instead of getting in my head about it. I’m willing to try. I want you to have all of me. I promise I won’t hold back anymore. I trust you and…I feel safe with you. All I ask is that you be patient with me. I’m there with you, OK? Know that.” 

He pulled away, cupping my cheeks as he peered up at me with tears in his eyes and a smile. “I’ll let you lead. I don’t plan to ever dance with anyone else. You’re it for me. If that’s what it takes, then you lead… and I’ll follow.” 

I smiled, getting emotional all over again. More tears spilled out, but these were happy tears. Relief flooded my system after he closed the distance between us and pressed his lips to mine. It was tentative and soft as he hugged me closer to him. I had missed this, missed him so much. 

We broke apart, our eyes roaming each other’s faces and taking in the moment. He spoke first. “Can we never fight like this again? Please? It was torture.”

I smirked, “I agree, I don't like it either. However, there may be one positive thing to come from it…”

He reached to pull a leaf from my hair, flicking it away with a small smile. Then his brows furrowed, “Like what?” 

My lips curled upward, running my hands up his chest then around to rest at the back of his neck. “Like make up sex…”

His eyes widened, “Oh…” 

I felt him harden under me almost instantly. He snorted out a laugh against my neck as he pulled me against him.

“Well, that definitely escalated quickly. It seems little Dieter has missed you too.” 

I giggled against the top of his head, “Don’t worry, he’ll get taken care of. But…there is something I wanna do first. Can we go inside?” 

He pulled away, giving me an uneasy smile. “Should I be concerned?” 

I laughed, shaking my head. “No. Definitely not.” 

I led him inside, up the stairs to his Sanctuary. He stopped in the doorway, leaning against the frame to watch me. I picked up the acoustic guitar he had been playing earlier and took a seat in his leather chair, making a point not to look at his new painting. Because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to keep it together for this. 

He walked into the room, grabbed a throw pillow, and threw it on the floor. He sat down on the cushion, pulling his knees to his chest as he peered up at me with questioning eyes. 

“Since you did a song for me earlier, it’s only fair. I think this might help you understand what sent me on a spiral…because it’s really what started it all.” 

Dieter’s POV

I sat on the floor, watching Kat intently - intrigued as to what this was about. All the while my heart pounded out of my chest from the excitement of having her back home. For once, everything was working out in my favor, and I couldn’t have been happier about it. It was taking everything in me to sit still so Kat could have the moment she needed. 

Kat nervously chewed on her bottom lip, adjusting the strings to her liking. Or possibly stalling, I couldn’t tell which. Either way, I sat patiently waiting. She rolled her lips together, inhaling deeply as she glanced at me one last time before her fingers began to pluck the chords. Her eyes shifted, focusing on something in the distance just over my shoulder. 

The notes sounded familiar. However, I couldn’t place the song right away. But then she began to sing in a breathy raspy lower register that I had never heard from her before, making my skin tingle from head to toe. I knew the song instantly. It was the same song we had danced the Viennese Waltz to, right before everything fell apart. I stared at her in awe as she performed her version of the song, pouring emotion into every word.  🎶Listen HERE.

Sweet love, sweet love trapped in your love I've opened up, unsure I can trust My heart and I were buried in dust Free me, free us You're all I need when I'm holding you tight If you walk away, I will suffer tonight I found a man I can trust And boy, I believe in us I am terrified to love for the first time Can't you see that I'm bound in chains? I've finally found my way I am bound to you I am bound to you 

I knew I had to look like a fool, sitting there with my mouth gaping open, but I couldn’t help it. She was literally taking my breath away. I hugged my knees closer to my chest, resting my chin on them as I watched her. At some point, my eyes began to overflow with tears without me realizing it. There was a fluttering feeling in my chest unlike anything I had ever felt. She was connecting with me in a way she never had. After a brief instrumental bit, her eyes locked with mine as she went into the second verse. 

So much, so young, I've faced on my own Walls I built up became my home  I'm strong, and I'm sure there's a fire in us Sweet love, so pure  I catch my breath with just one beating heart And I brace myself, please don't tear this apart 

If I hadn't been sitting down already, I would’ve needed to. The expressiveness in her voice and eyes were making me lightheaded. I could feel every word as they left her lips. Every perfect word that she was willingly giving to me to show me how she really felt.

Suddenly the moment's here I embrace my fears All that I have been carrying all these years Do I risk it all? Come this far just to fall? Fall I can trust and boy, I believe in us I am terrified to love for the first time Can't you see that I'm bound in chains? And finally found my way I am bound to you I am, ooh, I am, I’m bound to you

By the time she hit the last verse, tears began to stream down her face. Her volume rose as the raw emotion poured out of her. Then her voice faded, finishing the song with a heavy sigh and sniffle. She huffed out a nervous laugh, wiping her cheeks. The only response I could muster was to crawl over to her, taking the guitar to lay on the floor before standing up on my knees and hugging her tightly against me. 

She sobbed quietly against my shoulder, releasing whatever hurt it was she had been holding onto. My breathing was heavy as I worked to control my own emotions, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop my tears as I soothed her. 

“I’m sorry I hurt you before, but I’m sure now. I’m sure,” she mumbled through a stuttered breath. 

I sighed, “You don’t have to apologize. It’s OK. We’re OK now, and I’m still here. I always will be.” 

She pulled back, her glossy red eyes dancing over my face for a beat before cupping my cheeks and pulling me in for a gentle kiss, pausing to murmur against my lips.

“I love you.” Another kiss. Then another, “I love you.” 

I smiled, returning the kiss and the sentiment before shifting to stand. I pulled her upright with me, bending to wrap my arms around her waist. I lifted her, walking toward the bedroom while continuing to kiss her deeply as I went.

There wasn’t a second that our bodies were not touching as we undressed each other. We broke apart only briefly so that she could settle into the center of the bed. I trailed closely behind her, worshiping any bit of skin I could reach. She pulled me to hover above her, framing my hips with her thighs as we took each other in. Her amber colored eyes looked like honey flecked with melted gold in the warm glow of the setting sun coming in through the open windows. I wanted to drown in them. Her fingers scratched at the patchy stubble on my cheek before her thumb brushed across my lower lip. I dipped my chin slightly, gently kissing her palm. 

She smiled, closing the distance between us. I lined myself up with her entrance, sinking in slowly. A low whimper bubbled up from my chest as her heat surrounded me. She gasped against my mouth as I filled her. Any remaining tension that lingered between us vanished as we found home in each other’s embrace. 

We took it slowly, getting reacquainted. This time felt different. We were connecting on a much deeper level. Every touch. Every caress. Now expressing a new emotion that we openly shared with one another. I could feel it in the way she kissed me. I could see it in her eyes. There were no walls between us now. It was the most amazing feeling that I couldn’t begin to describe. 

We moved as one, in a slow rhythm that was damn near maddening as we got lost in each other. It felt like time ceased to exist as the rest of the world faded away to nothing. All I could see and feel was her. It was transcendent, almost seeming too perfect to be real as we fell over the edge together - both of us professing our love in quiet whispers against the other's lips as we let the emotions swallow us whole. Our salty tears mingled as our lips continued to move against each other, riding out our high as long as we could. 

When we finally broke apart, I pressed my forehead against hers as we tried to catch our breath. My body was trembling, making it hard for me to continue to hold myself up. I reluctantly pulled away with a grunt, moving to lay beside her. I gathered her in my arms as she wrapped herself around me. 

I sighed, “I feel like I’m dreaming. I wasn’t expecting my day to end like this.”

She chuckled, “Yeah, me either to be honest. I’m not complaining though.” 

She kissed me again, deeply. Her leg hooked around my hip as my hand drifted down her side, moving to gently squeeze her ass. She groaned, but it wasn’t a pleasurable sound. My brows furrowed as I sat up to look at her backside, finding a bruise the size of my palm on her cheek. 

I couldn’t help chuckling as I shook my head at her, “How hard did you fall?”

She shrugged, “Hard enough to regret it later I suppose.”

“I can’t believe you did that. You’ve been around me too long. That’s some stupid shit I would’ve done.” 

She smiled, “What can I say, I learned from the best.” 

“I’m gonna go get you an ice pack. Don’t move.” 

She squirmed, rubbing her thighs together. I arched a brow as she smiled mischievously. 

“You’re insatiable, ya know that? Don’t worry Kitten, the night’s still young. I’m not done with you yet.”

That evening, we took turns making each other fall apart until neither of us could go any longer. After a soak in the tub, we collapsed in a heap on the bed. We were on the verge of nodding off when Zee started her loud caterwauling wail outside the bedroom door. 

I sighed, “Fuck. I forgot to feed the kid.” 

Kat snickered as I rolled out of the bed to open the door. Zee didn't’ waste any time, sprinting into the room and jumping on the bed to snuggle up to Kat - bumping her head against Kat’s chin while letting out low growls to show her displeasure of Kat’s absence. 

I chuckled, “I get it Zee, I had the urge to rub all up on her, too.” 

Kat snorted out a laugh into Zee’s fur. 

“I’m gonna go make her dinner. I’ll be back.” 

Just as I sat Zee’s plate down on her mat, Kat appeared in the kitchen. She gave Zee one last nuzzle before sitting her down next to her bowl. 

“I couldn’t get her to leave. I was thirsty anyway.”

I chuckled, “I think she missed you almost as much as I did.”

I moved to the fridge, “You want water? Or something else?”

“Water’s fine.” 

After handing her a cold bottle, I leaned against the counter watching her. She stood there in nothing but a T-shirt. My T-shirt. Guzzling the water down like she had just run a marathon. When she finished, she offered me the bottle but I shook my head, getting lost in my thoughts. I wanted to tell her more about my meeting with Lana.

“I should probably tell you where I ran into Lana last night…I don’t want you to think I’m keeping anything from you.” 

Her brows furrowed, her jaw flexing as she nodded for me to continue. 

“I was…at a bar.”

Her eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything. 

I inhaled a centering breath, “I was alone. I didn’t order any alcohol, but I thought about it. I had just talked myself out of it when Lana sat down next to me. She came over to talk me out of a bad decision.” 

Kat nodded, “Thank you for telling me…” She sat the bottle of water down, coming to stand at my side. “What made you wanna go?”

I pursed my lips, considering my answer. “I think…it was the thing with Anika. I felt like I fucked up. Badly. I saw you walking away after she kissed me. I knew it hurt you to see that. So, I let my self-hatred and negative thinking run away with me for a minute, but I pulled back. I didn’t wanna ruin everything that I’ve worked toward. And not just with you, but my career…and my life. I can never go back to what I was before, no matter what happens. No matter how bad things get…I just can’t.”   

She surprised me with a small smile. “I’m proud of you for telling me and admitting that you had a weak moment. I know it takes a certain amount of growth to be able to do that. I mean, it’s part of recovery. Weak moments are gonna happen.”

I huffed out a sigh of relief as she grabbed my arm and pulled me into a tight embrace. 

“I was worried you would be upset over it.” 

She pulled back, “I’m sad you felt the urge for it, but I know it happens. That’s why it’s important for you to have support and to feel like you can reach out when you need to. You need people you feel safe with during those vulnerable moments, and you have them now. And you’re being completely open and honest about it all. That’s why I know I don’t need to worry. You’re doing everything right. And we’re gonna do this together. Never be afraid to tell me if you’re struggling. I can only fault you if you lie about it.”

I felt like bursting into tears, “I really don’t deserve you.”

She scoffed, “Yes you do. You deserve to be happy just like everyone else.”

I smiled, cupping her cheeks and giving her a soft kiss on the lips.

“Let’s go get some rest. We’re gonna have a busy day tomorrow.” 

I took her hand and led her upstairs. Halfway up, Zee ran past us, beating us to bed. 

Then I snuggled up with both my ladies and had the best night of sleep I had had in nearly two weeks. Everything was finally right in the world again.

The next morning, Kat and I were at the dance studio before the doors were unlocked. Having already lost a day of rehearsal, we were worried but determined to be back in the top scores. The competition was down to five couples this week. If we wanted to win, we had zero room for error from this point on. 

As we went through our stretching routine, Kat got me up to speed on this week’s performance.

“I’ll be honest, I’m nervous about this one. The Lambada is not one that I have a lot of experience with. It’s not been done on the show since 2009 and there’s only been three couples to do it.”

My brows furrowed, “Why?”

She shrugged, “I have no idea. Something about the format of the show. I’m not sure the judges were huge fans either. This dance though…we're either gonna knock it out of the park with your loose hips or we’re going down with an epic failure.” 

I cringed, “That sounds encouraging.”

She stood, then pulled me up with her. “We may have an advantage though.” 

I huffed out a laugh, “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

She smiled mischievously, “We don’t have a problem getting up close and personal with each other. We also already have a lot of practice with the hip thrusting.” 

I couldn’t help it. I cackled. 

She laughed, “I’m just calling it as I see it.” 

I moved to stand in front of her, awaiting instruction.

“We also have a very strong connection, which is to our benefit too. This is a Latin dance with a lot of movement. It has elements of the Salsa, Samba, and Merengue. You did well with the Salsa, so I think you can handle it. The steps are slow, quick, quick, slow while our entire bodies are undulating.”

I smirked, “Sounds like a piece of cake.”

She held up her finger to silence me, “The Lambada is often called the forbidden dance. It’s meant to be sensual and erotic with close embraces and two bodies moving as one. And not in the same way as the Rumba or the Tango. This is faster, more upbeat.”

I chuckled, “I still see no problem here.”

She rolled her eyes, “The problem is we’re old and it’s gonna wear us out. And well…”

She moved in closer, wrapping my arms around her middle and threw hers around my neck. There were only a few inches between us. 

“You know the beginning of Dirty Dancing when it shows all the staff dancing? Grinding up on each other?” 

I raised a brow and nodded, “Yeah, why?”

She arched her back toward me, our stomachs touching as she began moving her hips against me. Like, really grinding against me.

I sucked in a sharp breath, getting hard instantly. I stepped away with a tight smile, “Oh. Fuck. Ooook. So, imma have to learn to control my boner. Got it.” 

She snickered, “Yeah, that.” 

I sighed, “Well, the safest bet would be to have sex right before we go on stage. That should keep him down through the performance at least.”

Kat burst into giggles, “Thank God we talked yesterday, or this would have ended so badly…or not. Who knows?”

“Ugh, I don’t even wanna think about it. That would have been terrible.” 

She cleared her throat, “Ok, let’s get serious. How erotic do you wanna get?”

I shrugged, “Don’t hold back. You know me, if they want a show…Imma give em one.” 

And with that, we began building our routine. We worked it out quickly, damn near reading each other’s mind in the process. We were back and more in sync than we’d ever been. We may have lost a day of rehearsal, but we more than made up for it. By the end of the session, we had a solid plan. It only needed practicing and tweaking. 

By the time behind the scenes filming rolled around on Thursday, we had the routine down. With both of us being in a significantly better mood this week and on the same page with everything, we took the opportunity to relax and have fun. We were full of jokes, teasing each other and breaking into giggling fits over the tiniest things. The camera crew seemed surprised, most likely expecting more angry outbursts and bickering given how things had been going. Overall, it was a good day. The best part was that the day ended with Kat at home with me and Zee. 

The rest of the week went by in a blur of rehearsals, self-care to make sure our bodies didn’t give out on us, and just being together. Our bond felt stronger than ever. Kat seemed happy, completely at ease. Whatever had been plaguing her thoughts was now long gone. She no longer held back, sharing her thoughts and feelings whenever it struck her to do so. Every time she told me that she loved me, my heart danced a little in my chest. I never realized how much I needed to hear someone say that to me until her. And now, I crave it constantly. 

It was show day before we knew it. Kat and I were there bright and early, the first to go through camera blocking as always. We performed flawlessly each time, both of us all smiles. Things felt different on and off the dance floor this time. Kat was more relaxed in her interactions with me, not hesitating to touch me in any way. There was a flirtiness to her that others were definitely picking up on. The whispers and stares did not go unnoticed by us. None of it seemed to bother or deter her. Given that we only had two weeks left, I figured she was ready to throw caution to the wind. 

Since I had missed the production meeting, I had no idea what our costumes looked like. I was surprised to find the color of the week was much brighter than normal. They had Kat in a bright yellow fringe dress that left very little to the imagination. It emphasized her thighs and hips in a way that had me absolutely salivating. I knew it would be a miracle if I made it through the performance without little Bravo making a special guest appearance. I made sure to take a moment to snap a few pictures for social media, and a few other sexier ones for myself.

They had me in a matching yellow shirt with navy trousers. The look was topped off with a navy blazer with light blue and yellow stripes. I didn’t hate it. It was something fun and different, but I doubted the blazer was going to stay. I was sweating bullets before I even put it on. Between nerves and Kat looking fucking amazing, my blood was boiling. 

Kat and I were back to our usual antics during hair and makeup, causing a scene of boisterous laughter with our favorite crew as they worked to beautify us. They ended up going with the normal slicked back hair for me. They left Kat’s hair down, styling it into soft bouncy waves that I was dying to run my fingers through. It really was going to be a battle of willpower to behave myself today. 

We had dress rehearsal after that. We sailed through without issue, aside from the semi I was sporting from Kat rubbing up on me with all her exposed skin. It had her giggling against my neck as I pulled her in for a hug when the routine concluded. We stayed like that for what was probably too long before pulling apart as I tried to think about anything but her up against me. 

We were given leave to entertain ourselves until the show started. So, we went back to my dressing room. Evan was kind enough to drop off some lunch for us because whatever it was catering had wasn’t it. He didn’t stick around for long, giving us a sly smile and a wink as he slinked out the door while being sure to lock it behind him. He must have been picking up on the vibe. 

Kat chuckled, “I don’t know why he feels the need to lock the door. Like we’re gonna be getting up to mischief or something.”

I arched a brow at her, “Aren’t we? I was only half joking about the sex before performing thing the other day…”

She smirked, “Oh really?”

I grinned, “Yeah, I mean we’re performing first, right? I say we let fucking be our hype song this week. It’s a good way to get the adrenaline pumping.”

She snorted out a laugh, standing from where she was perched on the vanity. 

“All right Bravo, you win.” 

She turned her back to me, undoing the skinny strap across her back and the one around her neck. The barely there fabric in the front slipped downward to where she caught it just before it revealed anything. 

“How do you want me?” she asked with a seductive tone. 

My mouth fell open, “Umm, one moment.”

I stood from my seat, stripping out of my costume - having enough sense to put it on a hanger rather than wadding it up on the floor for once. Kat waited, unmoving, as she watched me in the mirror. I approached her, pulling her hair to the side to kiss down her neck and back as I slid her costume down her thighs. I laid it across one of the empty chairs before taking my usual seat. 

I motioned for her to come to me. Once she was standing between my open thighs, I turned her to face away from me. I left a wet path of kisses along her side, working my way down to give her a little nip on her ass cheek, eliciting a giggle that she tried to muffle with her hand. I gently rubbed at the bruise on the other side, shaking my head at her ridiculous behavior. 

Then my hand traveled lower, rubbing between her already soaking wet folds. I worked to open her up and get her ready for me. Just when her body began to tremble, I stopped. My leg wedged between her knees as my hands found her hips, pulling her to sit right where I wanted her. She let out a throaty groan, taking me in deep. I guided her movements, keeping it slow and teasing. She tucked her chin against her chest, biting back her breathy moans as she tried to keep it together. I leaned back in the chair, pulling her to lay against my chest - making sure to gather her hair to the side and drape it over my shoulder. 

As I wrapped my arms around her torso, she spread her legs wide, allowing me the space to move. I buried my face in the curve of her neck, thrusting slowly. Her hand moved to reach for my hair, but I grabbed it mid-way and tutted at her as I continued to hold on to it. I knew there would be no time to fix that mess if I let her get hold of it. 

Within minutes she was on the edge again, all it took was for me to reach down to the apex of her thighs and rub tight circles in just the right spot. She worked to free one of her hands from my grip, biting into the plushy spot just under her thumb to hold back the moans as she trembled on top of me. I moved faster, in almost a relentless pace following behind her soon after. I had to resist the urge to bite onto her shoulder to muffle the sounds of my own pleasure just as one of the production assistants gave the twenty-minute warning outside my door. Kat leaned her head against mine, both of us holding in a laugh as I shifted to sit us upright in the seat. 

I chuckled against her shoulder, giving it one last kiss. “That was perfect timing. Guess we better get dressed. Hop up, I’ve got some towels in my bag.”

She huffed out a laugh as she stood, “Came prepared, did ya?”

I pulled said towels from the bag and shrugged, “I gotta be with you around. But also, it was either this or my hand. Something had to happen.” 

I gave her one of the towels, both of us smiling like a couple of fools as we wiped away the sweat and wetness. I helped Kat with her costume, fastening the straps and making sure everything was secure. She hadn’t even bothered to go to her dressing room this morning, leaving her bag in mine instead. That turned out to be a good thing so she could touch up her makeup and hair while I got dressed. 

By the time we made it to the staging area, we had seven minutes to spare before performing. It was just enough time for the hair and makeup crew to give us one last look over before we were taking our spots on the dance floor. The burst of adrenaline and everything else pumping through my body made the moment seem hazy. It was almost dreamlike as we eyed each other in the dim lighting. 

The spotlights dropped down on us as the opening trumpet sounds of 🎶Ain’t it Funny began to play from the band. Kat was in her zone, her eyes blazing with that fire I loved so much. Our energy was off the charts. We were perfectly synchronized as we did our twists and spins, managing to keep our frame compact with full control of our movements. Our bodies rolled in tandem, transitioning to dips and sensual hip action that had the audience going insane. 

While we’d had some steamy performances in the past, this one took it to a whole new level. There was a different vibe. It was sexy in a teasing sort of way. We held nothing back, showcasing the connection between us as we moved through the intricate step combos. We could feel it before the dance was over, we knew it was one of our best performances to date. 

We tried to play it cool while we waited for our scores, but the glances passing between the two of us said it all. We knew we were not going home tonight, and we were right. Kat and I held on to each other as each score of ten was read off by the judges. They praised us for our comeback after last week, noting that we were only the fourth couple to have ever performed that dance and were the best. None of the other three couples had received a perfect score. We were the first and only ones to make it happen. 

Kat and I were on cloud nine for the rest of the evening, both of us giving toothy grins every time the cast or crew complimented us. Marc and Stefanie were still our biggest cheerleaders, acting just as excited about our performance as we were. We returned the favor of course, even if they did score one point lower than us. 

The scowls from Alec were obvious. He made no attempt to hide his disdain for us. That did nothing to dampen our mood, especially when we caught a glimpse of Lana shooting a small smile our way when Alec had his back turned. If anything, it only made the entire situation more entertaining. 

Once the show was over, we joined Marc and Stefanie at a nearby burger joint to celebrate making it to the final four. It was nice to spend time with new friends and discuss our feelings about the show. We also tried to strategize and make guesses about what they were going to have us do for the finale. In a way, it gave me a better idea of what to expect and helped calm some of the nerves that were brewing in the pit of my stomach.

As of tonight, it was down to us, Marc and Stefanie, Alec and Lana, and Anika and her partner. The finale was shaping up to be full of tension and intense competition. Our main goal was to keep Alec and Anika from winning, but deep-down Kat and I really wanted that fucking trophy. She deserved to end her time on the show with a bang, and I wanted to prove everyone who doubted me wrong. There was no stopping us now.

Next: Week 11

✨FUN FACT: What Kat said about no one doing the Lambada on the show since 2009 is true! There have only been 3 couples out of 33 seasons (so far) to have performed this dance. None of which received perfect scores. I have linked them below if you're interested. Video 1 Video 2 Video 3

A/N: Hello my lovelies! Fucking finally! Right? Our babies are back together! And look at Dieter being all sappy and soft. I love him. Are we shocked Lana is still on her redemption tour? I don't think we can hate her anymore, can we? Then of course we have Lydia and Evan doing their good deeds as well. How about that Instagram Live? Doesn't that song just tear your heart out? And Zee getting in on the action? I think I'd climb over a fence after that too. And what about Kat pouring her little heart out as well? That girl is laying it all out there now. So, we have 2 chapters and the epilogue left after this. Can you believe it? The next chapter is going to be drama filled. All of this dancing is finally going to take it's toll on Kat. Dieter is going to be in a tizzy, taking care of his lady. On top of that, it's Samba week. Yay for more Latin dancing...or not? Alec will be up to his shady shit (yeah, he's not done yet). I will say, the last two chapters will probably be much shorter since things are wrapping up. I mean, I say that, but I may shock myself. You never know with me.

And finally, some housekeeping. I'm sure you've noticed by now that I have struck the "Moonstruck" part of my name. There was a reason for that (aside form it being too fucking long). Expansion! As you can see, I am posting this chapter from a new sideblog. This blog will be solely dedicated to my writing. No nonsense posts. I will eventually be migrating everything over here. Why you ask? I did a poll a while back about this. While most preferred to be tagged, a decent number would rather follow and subscribe to notifications. So, you now have the option to do that without all the clutter. I will still be tagging folks though.

I also added something else new, the Chaos Corner! It will be dedicated to all things Dieter (fics, media, memes, fan art, etc). Fics will be linked by categories and tropes. So go have a look and find some new content. I welcome you to send me some goods to share with the chaos crew. Our trashy friends need all the Dieter content. Lastly, I want to do a quick shutout to my first loves, Dieter and Talia. It is the two year anniversary of Destiny & Deliverance this week. If I can get my shit together, I'm going to try to do a little something for them.

That's it. That's all I've got. Until next time, 💜Mysty

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[astarions-world]

I’ve seen a few posts about people’s interpretation of what Astarion’s past before being turned looked like, since the game doesn’t give us a whole lot to work with. I thought I would post some of my headcanons/my interpretation of how Astarion’s life before Cazador was. Keep in mind I haven’t finished a full playthrough yet, but I have seen quite a few videos on YouTube of different Astarion scenes I have yet to reach myself. That being said, take this information as you will. And I don’t want to invalidate anyone else’s headcanons. Everyone plays the game differently and thus everyone interprets it differently. This is my personal interpretation.

The only thing we know for certain is that he was a magistrate in Baldur’s Gate and was turned into a vampire when some Gur attacked him, angry about a ruling he’d made. I personally don’t think he was a corrupt magistrate. I don’t think he was an angel either though. He was pretty young for an elf and also not the age I think of when I think “magistrate”. I think he was pretty new, like only a few years in and he was still figuring out life and what he wanted for himself. He was still figuring out what he believed in and his morals and I feel like that would bleed into his work as a magistrate.

I think Cazador had been plotting to capture him for a while. He seems to have had a type when it came to who he chose to be his spawn and I think he saw Astarion, a young, successful, attractive young man and wanted him for himself. It’s interesting to me that he was right there when Astarion was on his death bed and I don’t think that was a coincidence. I think the Gur attack was a set up and they claimed it was because they were upset about a ruling when in reality Cazador had paid them to do it.

I also believe Cazador had everyone believing he was dead. He claimed that Astarion was killed by some Gur that were angry about a ruling and even got a coffin and a gravestone to prove his point. That’s why nobody ever came looking for him. They saw him “get buried”. I also think Cazador would’ve claimed that his body was so dismembered and in rough shape so that the funeral would be closed casket and nobody would question that.

He does have parents who genuinely love and care about him. They named him “little star” because he was their shining star. They thought he died so they haven’t looked for him, genuinely believing that he had passed. They don’t live in Baldur’s Gate, thus they don’t get around to his grave often, unless they’re in Baldur’s Gate for some reason or the other and they rarely go for lack of a reason to. (I’m adding this to my fanfiction, where they visit his grave and see the date has been written on it and suddenly realize he’s alive and start looking for him). They’re still alive during the events of the game because they’re both elves and elves can live for a long time. They also never saw or recognized him for the same reason his grave was unkempt (they almost never went to Baldur’s Gate). His parents are really the only people from his past who care enough about him to visit his grave.

He was raised in the same city his parents live in (don’t know enough about Forgotten Realms lore to say which city so I’m open to suggestions). He had dreams of becoming a politician and went off to Baldur’s Gate when he was old enough to fulfill that dream. He studied law in school for a few years and got the job right after he finished his education thanks to some connections he made during his time at school.

I have a headcanon where I don’t think he had any lovers before. He was too focused on his career to really get serious with anyone. He had some flings with some people but it was never anything more than that. He experimented with his sexuality (hence the flings) for a while because he was still trying to figure out who he was but nothing ever came of it.

I’ve also seen people question why he’s so ripped when he spent 200 years being starved by Cazador but you have to remember he’s undead. His body is the exact same way it looked when he was “killed”, except he got fangs and red eyes. His body is basically frozen in time. He doesn’t age at all. Plus, I’ve read that undead, specifically vampires, will still have the same personality they did before they were turned. I think Astarion genuinely cared about how he looked and took great care of his body, including exercising and maintaining his physique.

He doesn’t remember any of his past life because he repressed his memories as a survival mechanism. It made him incredibly sad to think about what he’d lost. Some of the other spawn remember their past life but Astarion chose to focus his mental energy on surviving rather than reminiscing. The reason he remembers the Gur attack is because that’s what got him in this situation in the first place.

All of these headcanons will be a part of my fanfictions. No one has to agree on anything, this is just my personal interpretation since the game doesn’t give us much to work with. Feel free to share any thoughts you may have.

[ummitscalledcoping]

regulus dramatically slams open the door to the gryffindor dormitory looking for sirius, only to find a bewildered looking remus sitting in bed with a book.

tears are already welling in his eyes and his lips start trembling as he realizes his big brother isn’t there to comfort him.

he starts to cry and remus quickly hops off his bed and limps over to regulus, foregoing his cane. he pulls the small boy into his chest as full out sobs wrack through his body.

“reggie, what’s wrong?” he asks gently once sobs ease to weak sniffles.

he guides regulus over to his bed and sits on the edge, pivoting his body so he’s sitting cross legged facing the younger boy.

he doesn’t expect regulus to crawl right into his lap, but he wraps him up tight in his arms as he cries some more.

“i—hic—wore a really cute and really slutty outfit yesterday—hic—and nobody said anything about it,” regulus pouts.

remus blanches for a moment, not expecting that, but recovers quickly.

“sweetheart, do you not know how hot you are?”

regulus lifts his head from where it was buried in remus’s chest and stares at him indignantly, tears streaking his ruddy cheeks.

“well obviously i know i’m stupid hot, but i need to make sure everyone else knows it to”

remus gapes, unsure how to respond.

“ugh! you don’t get it,” regulus groans, slumping back against remus’s chest.

he pauses for a moment before lifting a tentative hand to stroke regulus’s curls.

“no, i suppose i don’t. but clearly you’re upset about it. could you help me understand?”

his voice is soft and regulus can’t help but feel warm and fluttery despite wanting to bury himself in existencial anger and moan about how no one understands him.

“it’s just…yeah i’m hot now. i mean i guess i always was pretty—you know, black family genes and all that—but that’s just it. i was a pretty girl. but being pretty didn’t make up for the fact that i was so awkward and different from all the other kids.”

remus could relate to that.

“and then when i started to transition it just made me more different which only made me even more awkward because i never knew how to act to get people to like me.”

he tenses in remus’s arms then pulls away slightly, staring resolutely in his lap as he fidgets with his hands.

“it was too hard. nothing i ever did seemed good enough so i just stopped trying,” he huffed wryly. “and wouldn’t you know, once i stopped trying to fit in and just focused on being myself, that’s when everyone started to like me.”

remus looks him up and down in surprise. he’s never heard regulus be anything but unapologetically confident. he didn’t even think he could feel insecure, but of course he does.

“anyways. i’ve gotten to a point finally where im comfortable with myself and i actually feel good and right in my body. and like, objectively i know i’m hot. but… i don’t know. i feel so egotistical for saying any of this—”

“you’re not.”

“—it’s just… sometimes i feel like im still just that weird girl.”

“oh reg…”

his cold detached mask slips back on so fast it looks jarring against his tear stained cheeks. remus flounders for a second before finding his words.

“you’re not—that. no one sees you like that, and i’m sorry anyone ever did. you’re just—you’re like so hot and so confident all the time—or at least you seem like you are—it’s kind of intimidating. i think people are just afraid to say anything because they’ll think you’ll think they’re weird. or they just assume you already know and probably hear it all the time.”

regulus shrugs, then lets out a suffering sigh.

“yeah, i guess that makes sense. i’m just being stupid about all this.”

“no, reg, you’re not.”

remus grabs his chin gently between his fingers and tilts his head up so regulus will look at him when he says it.

regulus stares back with big watery eyes and remus has to fight the urge to look away.

“do you think i’m hot, remus?”

his eyebrows shoot to his hairline as he fumbles for a response.

“oh, well i—i mean you’re—obviously i think you’re—i’ve never said anything because sirius would kill me and i didn’t want to make you uncomfortable—but i mean, i… yeah. yes. definitely, of course reg, i think you’re…” he sucks in a sharp breath, letting the next word tumble out on the exhale. “beautiful.”

remus watches a deep blush spread across reg’s cheeks and thinks he might combust right there.

“you do?”

“yeah. i do.”

“i think you’re beautiful too.”

the words hit him with such force that he chokes on the air they’ve traveled.

“you what?” he gawked. “ahh you’re just saying that…”

“are you calling me a liar?” regulus narrows his gaze.

“what?! no! i—just don’t understand how you think that.”

“it’s quite easy actually. you should try it sometime.”

remus searched his eyes for any sign of jest or flattery and finds none.

he swallows the lump in his throat.

“yeah, maybe i will…”

[aromantichc]

Aromantic Character of the Day (27/7/24 BONUS) is.....

Hobart "Hobie / SpiderPunk" Brown (ATSV/Spiderman comics) !

Admin headcanons thon as arospec. Grr does NOT use labels, but he is on the aromantic spectrum somewhere. They feel attraction in theory, but typically become repulsed by romance when things get too close. He is allosexual. They would describe hirself as queer and punk dislikes the term unlabelled for zeirself. It likes anyone sexually and romantically (in theory) and he is transsexual (ftm) and uses any pronouns EXCEPT she/her. He is also AuDHD and has BPD and POTS. Xe uses a mobility aid at times.

Part of this post is CANON Hobie CANONICALLY does not like LABELS in any way. Everything else mentioned is purely HEADCANON.

[sanderssidesthehouse]

I've linked a bunch of my previous posts and quoted relevant sections below the cut, it just got really long and would be nightmare for people to scroll past lol. I love to talk about them so if you have questions/comments/extrapolations/mildly related tangents lmk I am unwell and will talk myself in circles if not given a clear direction lol

Janus Character Bingo

My favorite thing about Janus is that he's a liar about being a liar. Not that he doesn't lie, but calling him 'Deceit' is a lie. Sure, he manages that function, but it doesn't have to be his position, if that makes sense. There are several other things he could be called, most of which don't have a negative connotation. I'm not positive his job is necessarily something else, like how Roman is also passion and the ego, but he's called Creativity, so Janus's main gig could very well be lying, but he could be called something else that denotes the purpose of lying, and considering the other things he's shown to manage, such as trying to get the others to STOP lying (looking mostly at you, Patton), lies don't always serve him and his purpose. Are we picking up what I'm putting down? I'm tired and this paragraph is long.

Do you ever think about...

Do you ever think about how Janus is only ever whatever he's expected to be? How he always has to put on a front whenever we're looking at him? And how when the only thing you are is what someone else needs you to be you're never really you and you stop being able to recognize who that is? He only ever gets to be what's necessary which means he can't even form meaningful friendships with the other sides. He is by necessity a care taker but who takes care of him? He's focused on making sure the needs of c!Thomas are met and subsequently the other sides and yet his needs (i.e. being able to freely perform his function and be heard) are routinely denied. Do you ever think of the long lasting effects of that? How kindness will seem suspicious and how he probably can't let his guard down or relax in front of anyone? Bc I think about it a lot.

Janus's Relationship with Lying

I think Janus's relationship with lying is probably really complicated. Like it's part of his job, for sure. And I think he probably resents that a little bc of the situation. But I also think he genuinely enjoys a bit of good natured lying, i.e. bits and such. Like I think he would really enjoy lying about harmless or objectively stuff, but I think his need for backwards talk and constantly being disbelieved must grate on him. He has a job to do and yet his job is prohibiting him from doing it. You know? Does that make sense? I'm tired. Like everyone else gets to have fun with their jobs. Even Virgil kind of enjoys giving Thomas anxiety from time to time and Logan gets to play very serious dress up. Bc of Janus's job, he becomes known as Deceit which then makes him seem unreliable to Thomas and the other sides so they don't listen to him and he can't do his job. But also you've seen him. He has so much fun lying about silly things! I just want to give hin a hug.

Unreliable Narrator Post

So most notably as mentioned is Janus who is introduced to us as Deceit. We get "Warning: Liar" written straight on the package. Not everything he says is a lie or obfuscation so it's really fun to decipher what he's saying and his motivations bc also written on the package is his prime directive: "Sides of Thomas will always seek to perform their duties to help Thomas." The way they all go about it is different and sometimes does more harm than good, but that is still their intrinsic goal. The original post was mostly about people taking what he said in the tutorial at face value when you're talking to the professional mask maker.

Next we have another side who admits to being wrong a lot which is Virgil. He explicitly states this in SvS. He's not lying but that doesn't mean what he's saying is objectively the truth. This is pretty obvious before he says it bc of his role as Anxiety. Anyone who has anxiety knows it's usually wrong or exaggerating, even though what your anxiety makes you believe can feel so much like the truth. It's hard for him to be super reliable in relaying information bc he's scared and stressed about like 90% of things which warps his perception.

And last we have Remus. This guy. Beautiful boy. All about being brutally honest except he's just not lying. Except for when he is. I swear he just says stuff recreationally and like, me too, but at least I admit it. He's got that Brennan Lee Mulligan 'I will die on any hill' vibe methinks. The problem is that he says the actual profound truths in the same tone he does the shitposts so no one takes it seriously. And I swear to you this is on purpose, I can't prove it, but tell me honestly you don't think that's something he'd do. Rat bastard.

So what? They're all dirty filthy liars? Of course not. Sometimes they wholeheartedly believe what they're saying, sometimes they're doing their best in a situation that's difficult to navigate, sometimes the difference between the truth and the lie isn't actually all that important. Even the known liar is more than the lies he tells, and quite frankly it makes the truths he states all the more impactful. Everyone puts on a mask, a facade, the person they want everyone to see or the person they think everyone wants to see. The characters have become very complex over the course of the series which I think is really fun.

Janus and Sarcasm

So far we've had very few glances at his actual personality past his job, unlike the main four, so the only things we have to go off of are c!Thomas's whole personality and deciphering Janus's words through layers of sarcasm and lies. It's also made difficult bc none of the other sides seem to have a consistent handle on when Janus is telling the truth. They don't know him that well and/or are extremely biased in one direction or the other, so we don't even really get clues from their reactions either. Occasionally there's an exception when Logan is in the room (I think he was the one who tried pointing it out to Roman one time), but he still gets tripped up sometimes bc he takes things so literally. Janus's over the top sarcasm also makes it difficult to tell when he's obfuscating the truth in more subtle ways which I think is on purpose bc it makes him more effective at hiding things which is a big part of his gig.

Creativitwins Thoughts

I'm ougouguoughuog. About Remus rn. And about how he's so, so much like Roman. And about how they hate it probably as much as they could love it. The need for attention, the need for control, particularly of any narrative being told about them. If Remus is doing it on purpose the it doesn't hurt when they say he's disturbing. If he's trying to be hated then it doesn't matter when they do. If he puts aside politeness he can take any attention that he wants. If he's provocative, his ideas don't need to be thought put bc they'll just be ignored or violently rejected anyway. But they do get him attention. He is heard. He wouldn't be otherwise, and he knows it. Just another piece of lint swept under the rug, or a trinket hidden away in a box in the back of the closet. And Roman does everything asked of him to the best of his ability bc if he pleases everyone then everyone will like him. If he always does the right thing, they'll listen. When he does a good job, they'll give him praise. As long as he does everything that Remus doesn't, he gets to be in the forefront. He gets to be seen and acknowledged. Which means he has to go over every idea with a fine tooth comb to make sure there's nothing 'icky' in there, never exploring more than is allowed. And it's not good for either of them bc the sides have needs. Neither of them are free to explore their creativity, their main job. They're asked to perform it and at the same time, not allowed. They should be working together but are pushed apart. Neither of them are being genuine bc being genuine leaves you vulnerable. Not that they don't mean the things they say or that they don't support the ideals they claim, just that at all times a little piece of themselves is hidden away. And everytime they see each other they're looking in the mirror, but they can't call the other on it or risk losing their security. And even though they know the truth about each other, they still envy the superficial aspects of the cages the other has trapped themself in. Roman of Remus's ability to spout ideas as they come and explore whatever he wants, Remus of the attention Roman receives, particularly from Thomas. They think that maybe if they just had the other's problems that maybe they could make it work even though they know it's not true.

Remus Character Bingo

I think about Remus so frequently. My absolute favorite we've seen of him was WTIT. It definitely gave us more to work with, particularly with how much he hates being ignored. Bc like, yeah he's a side and he needs to be able to do his function, but his function and subsequently himself have been repressed which has warped everything and tbh I'd act like that too.

Remus is literally an alarm. He shows up when things are bad... And makes them worse, but!!!!! He's a clue to get to the root problem. Also, as someone who suffers from disturbing and upsetting intrusive thoughts, I'd love to see dealing with Remus through creation, bc honestly him having a hold of Creativity is perfect. One way to get through intrusive thoughts is the mindful meditation technique, another is by ejecting them via art/writing. I think that would be fun. Some people think Remus is annoying. And? As is his right? No, but seriously, he's been neglected up until we see him appear, suppressed except for where his influence slips out, honestly, he could be MORE annoying if he wanted. Get their asses. One characterization I see people give him is that he doesn't care, but if nothing else, there is one thing he absolutely has to care about: c!Thomas. I mentioned this in my unreliable narrator post in relation to Janus, but it stands for all of them: “Sides of Thomas will always seek to perform their duties to help Thomas.” I don't believe the sides can purposely seek to hurt c!Thomas. They're not people, they're part of a person.

Remus is insecure

I view both of them as having the 'this is who they've decided I am so even though there's more than that I'm going to be this 110% so that if they're ever disappointed I can at least say "well what did you expect? you made me."' Like Remus is still Creativity, a darker creativity is just as capable of great work as a more sunshine and rainbows one. "What if this happened, wouldn't that be fucked up?" can be just as compelling as "What if this thing happened, would that be cool or what?" but Remus is expected to be everything that c!Thomas hates and he has to be extreme to get noticed so he's being who he's not in order to have a taste of what he wants, when in reality he wants his genuine self to be acknowledged and listened to but he doesn't think that's going to happen and I don't blame him. Roman also does a version of this where he just is whatever he thinks the others want him to be so he can maintain his seat at the table, probably driven on by the thought that if he strays, he's just as disposable as Remus, just as capable of being shunted aside and reduced into nothing of substance.

Virgil and Janus Relationship

I think Virgil would be a mom friend bc he learned about being friends with Janus and they're both mom friends who had a lesbian situationship and when they split it rocked everybody like a divorce and this is anxceit to me. Virgil learned how to read people from Janus and Janus learned how to consider emotions from Virgil and they can never unlearn these things just as anything else they learned from or about the other and they're intrinsically linked for the rest of time regardless of their standing and if they became close again it would never be like it was bc they had that trust and it was absolutely shattered but they yearn for that relationship as it was and as it can't be so they might try to imitate it and let it destroy them out of desperation or they might try to preserve it by never being close again or they might find a way to move forward and build new bridges rather than mending old ones and this is why I can't stop thinking about them. They can be toxic, they can be doomed, they can have hope, they can make all three true simultaneously, I am unwell about them. No matter what they do it will be beautiful, either beautifully tragic or beautifully warm. No one can comfort them like the other, no one knows them as well as the other, no one can hurt them like the other, no one knows less about who they've become in the others absence and yet no one could know more. They don't understand each other on the outside any more, but they can still predict their deepest depths.

Virgil Character Bingo

Funny thing is I think he's the most stable side at the current point in canon which is like... someone please help them. But I think it has somewhat to do with him being closest to having a complete arc (until new stuff is revealed perhaps). His current issues have been addressed for the most part, save his history with the 'dark' sides. He's also an easy comfort bc in my opinion he's the simplest of the sides (what you see is what you get), likely due to his hatred of lying. He's anxious, he's Anxiety, that's his thing. He's also Virgil and he's emo and I can vibe with that. Someone has to be stable (kind of) around here!

And it's so interesting to me how each of the 'dark' sides feels differently about being or playing a villain, with Virgil definitely disliking it the most as a concept but still having trouble leaving it completely behind.

And his friendship with Patton is so special to him, you can tell. Patton was the first person to want to include him, and with open arms, too! Patton treated him like he was someone easy to love, even if he went a bit overboard. But yeah him and Patton together accidentally caused a lot of harm and now Patton is cool with Janus and he's going to feel guilty and mad and sad and I feel bad bc it has to be a problem for it to get better. I want him to be able to play with his friends again. Someone give him a hug, he's had a rough few episodes.

Inside Jokes

Stuck in the Past

Sometimes I think about how the 'dark' sides are like, stuck in the past comparatively. And they can't move into the present until they're ALL acknowledged and accepted. Virgil has been in the light for a while now but he's still stuck. And it's all bc there was a division in the first place. How can you move on from being shunted to the side and detested for something that wasn't your fault and then forced to do the thing that makes people hate you bc your persistence is outside of your control? They've all got villain vibes for a reason. Honestly I think Janus is closest to being able to move forward. Virgil can't as long as his thing with them goes unaddressed and Remus hasn't been completely accepted yet, they're still trying to mitigate his existence.

Laughing at Janus's Misfortune

I think it's really funny that the schemer of the group ended up with the feral cat behaving sides to work with bc like no wonder his plans didn't work out before. Like Virgil is anxious and Remus does whatever he wants which is likely biting. Doesn't seem like a recipe for success.

Anxceit Ship Bingo

I think it would be amazingly angsty if after all this time they still knew each other best. Like maybe they don't know each others current favorite foods or movies, but they know each others deepest fears and how to calm each other down and what each others most formative moments were. I like the idea of them having deeply entrenched history.

Them both having protecting roles is very interesting and it would make so much sense if that's why they had a falling out in the first place. I explored one possibility of what that would look like in Why Do I, excerpt here: "The thing about Deceit- Janus- Self Preservation, whatever you wanted to call him, was that he had one singular agenda: Make sure Thomas gets what he needs and then what he wants, regardless of who he has to cut through to do it. And so, once upon a time, Virgil ended up with a knife in his back." A second excerpt: "And whenever something happening to Thomas would make Virgil freak out, Janus would have Thomas lie it away." I wrote while thinking about how lying can affect anxiety and Anxiety. When you lie, there's always the chance of getting caught, which can potentially be more stressful than the thing you lied about, and if you get caught too many times, it's the boy who cried wolf which would also be a very anxiety inducing situation bc what if you really need someone to believe you? There's also the fact that this would increase avoidant behavior. Janus CANNOT defer to Virgil if he wants to keep c!Thomas safe bc long term that would be disastrous to his health. Sometimes things that are good for you are scary. But this in particular is related mostly to their jobs so they shouldn't be taking it personally, especially since 'dark' sides know better than anyone that they can't help what their jobs are, they just have to do them.

And some fun headcanons

Remus Halloween Headcanon

I think every year Remus absolutely revels in Halloween bc spooky shit is right up his alley. It's the one time of year when the gruesome is normal and expected. Like Virgil has the emo Halloween aesthetic, but Remus is dressing up as a hyper realistic zombie maid and creating the most unsettling stories known to man bc he can and someone might actually listen bc it's Halloween.

Remus German Headcanon

My character/ship playlists

Hey, i don’t know if i was allow to do the @darksideweeks dukeceit prompts this early but I’ve had really bad art block and they helped me get out of it.

(Sorry if these pieces are kind of cringy)

Also if anyone has any ideas or art requests please let me know!

Explanation behind the piece below-

The prompt puppets kinda reminded me of them both.

Remus and Janus are both very different characters but they’re both tied to this idea of having to put on a villainous persona whether it’s to gain some semblance of control (and ironically enough it actually ends up giving them less) or it’s the role they were pretty much forced into because of Thomas’s religious guilt.

Or maybe it’s potentially both.

They do it to make it hurt less, gain the lack of control they never had in the first place.

That’s why I think puppets play do well into the both of them, because at this point that’s kinda what they are.

Luckily enough, Janus is breaking from those strings in SvS but Remus is still kinda in that same puppet state.

Which makes me wonder if his angst/arc will be similar to Virgil’s in the sense that Virgil can’t help his anxiety so he scares everyone for a sense of control.

When the others start to work with him he’s less threatening, happier and his guard is down.

What if his intrusive thoughts are constant or close to it?

If he purposely makes people think he’s a psychopath then it doesn’t hurt as much.

He’s made them think that and every other negative thing on purpose.

If negative attention is all the attention he’ll ever get so why not lean into it?

[800db-cloud]

spare some spy hcs? 👀

OKAY. ok. so i have been putting off answering this ask because i’m admittedly very shy and very afraid of sharing my headcanons. and also because i have A LOT OF THEM.. but here we are!

here are my headcanon spies :) René works for RED and Jacques works for BLU!

where to start, where to start… i have a LOT of headcanons for them, i’ll be talking for FOREVER here. i’ll just start with story because why not! xP

René’s parents were also agents/spies, so he was always destined to be one as well. And he lives up to his parents’ legacies! He’s most notorious for destroying gangs and mobs and the like from the outside in. He was brought to America years ago to take out a dangerous mob boss, but unfortunately found himself infatuated (and involved) with the boss’ daughter. Luckily for him, the boss’ daughter wanted the guy dead, too.

René’s story is honestly a lot more fleshed out than Jacques’, but here goes anyway:

Jacques’ father was a very rich and powerful man in politics. Jacques himself was the result of an affair, and to keep it hush-hush, his father decided to raise him. Raise is a strong word, though— but he did help his father gain intelligence and blackmail on opposing political parties. Jacques proved to be a promising spy since childhood.

If anyone has any suggestions/ideas for Jacques’ story, let me know haha x) he didn’t have the greatest upbringing per se…

last thing on this section i wanna talk about is the Scouts. René is related to both of the Scouts; he’s RED Scout (Jeremy)’s biological father, and he’s BLU Scout (James)’ adoptive/step-father. Jacques has no relation to either scout, but acts as a guardian figure to BLU Scout.

anyway, this is the part where i continue talking about other miscellaneous headcanons! and these come with doodles :)

You couldn’t catch René DEAD without his mask, or his suit! He’d neeever take them off around other people (‘other people’ is mainly just Scout. For obvious reasons.) Meanwhile, Jacques is pretty lenient in letting his teammates see his face! Everyone on BLU’s seen his face at least once.

A big part of why René refuses to strip down is also due to the fact he has a LOT of tattoos. No doodle for this one because I’ve yet to decide on what tattoos to put on him (ideas are very welcome!!), but yeah! Most of the tattoos were ‘forced’ onto him/he had to get for jobs and ‘fitting in’ with bad crowds, but a good few of them were of his own accord, too.

Jacques doesn’t have tattoos, but he has a myriad of another thing: scars! Lots and lots of scars on this guy. Faded and old, sure, but they’re there. Most prominent ones are the one around his neck (from when the RED Medic beheaded him) and the ones on his forearms (those are from the LAST time he was imprisoned— looong story…)

René doesn’t cook very often for his team, but when he does, everyone’s always BLOWN AWAY by this guy’s cooking! René’s really bad at taking compliments, though— (“Cooking food that’s remotely edible isn’t a compliment, it’s basic survival.”) —but rest assured he’ll be thinking about it for the next month. Jacques, however… Do NOT let this guy into the kitchen. Ever. The BLU base has a special fire extinguisher “In Case Spy Decides To Turn On The Stove”

oooh, this one is an hc and a HALF to me. René much prefers working alone. It’s just in his nature, being isolated and whatnot. He likes to deal with things by himself– maybe he doesn’t want to burden others? On the contrary, Jacques NEVER works alone. It’s a trait he’s had even before being hired to BLU. You never know when things could go wrong, so it’s best to have someone else to fall back to… or someone else you can blame!

these hcs both have something to do with how René and Jacques show their trust in other people :) it’s a bit convoluted but it gets there:

René is, amusingly, very bad at remembering names. Almost laughably bad. There have been many-a-story of his days before RED where he’d get a target’s name wrong, even after he’d repeated it in his head dozens of times over. Names are difficult for him, so if he remembers yours, it means you mean a lot to him! He prefers using his teammates’ names rather than their titles. René is unaware of how charming this specifc trait is to his coworkers (they saw how much work and effort it took for him to memorize their names, they’re just happy with how far he’s come!)

Jacques has a… to put simply, very complicated relationship with food. But the one thing he’ll never turn down is sweets. His favorites especially being chocolate bonbons. Jacques has a hard time eating in front of others, let alone sharing his food! But if he genuinely likes and trusts you enough, he’d have half the mind to share with you. Admittedly, he hasn’t brought himself to share with most of the members of his team yet, except for a select few. Mostly BLU Medic and BLU Sniper.

—

and of course, eventually, EVENTUALLY, these two also become friends! it took a little bit but believe me, they both respect each other’s skill in their job :)

AHHg i could go sooo much longer about them— from things like their physical traits (how much teeth they have? it’s a pressing question) or different periods of their life (why did rené have to leave his family? why was jacques imprisoned for the last time?) BUT this post is so… so, so long. My fingers hurt from typing

If you’ve managed to read through this Beast, THANK YOU RAAHH!!! thanks so much for asking this, too. i hope to spare more hcs someday. hehe ^_^

[that-thief-in-red]

I’d really love to be tagged! (by anyone for that matter) I’ve enjoyed all the previous ones so much (even if I don’t always get a chance to reply—sorry in advance 😅). But yes, I do enjoy being tagged, so feel free to include me 🤗

Now for my little (longass) TED Talk moment: I totally agree with anon, and Mari (and looking back at the recent reblogs, what most people are saying!). The way people can be biased toward their faves definitely ends up overshadowing other characters. I think sometimes we get too comfortable turning characters into simplified versions of themselves, especially when they’re not the most popular ones. And honestly, I’ve always felt that about Julia too but never knew how to word it. She didn’t need Carmen to inspire some big change—she already believed in herself. She just needed people to actually listen to her. I love how it was pointed out that she didn’t really have a traditional growth arc. She was already strong and sure of herself; she just needed the space to show it Also yeah, that thing about her not being a genius but a problem solver?? SO TRUE. People act like you either have to be Sherlock-level or completely useless, and Julia lives in the middle ground where people like her actually thrive.

And the ACME point. YES. I dont think she ever really had a “lack of confidence,” but mostly had a lack of space to speak. Obviously just my own interpretation of the character and nothin more. I love my girl Jules, she's definitely a lovely character, as most are in the show. :)

AND SHADOWSAN my boii. I really do think he’s killed before during his time as an operative, and honestly? If it came down to it, like if it was between protecting someone like Team Red or himself, I believe he’d do it again. Not recklessly or easily, but without hesitation?

The thing is, ever since he met baby Carmen, he’s chosen not to. That decision changed everything for him. Unlike Carmen, who I think would rather sacrifice herself than take a life, Shadowsan has that deep, quiet willingness to do what's necessary. But the reason he doesn’t anymore? It’s because of her. Because she gave him another way to exist. I don’t know how else to explain it, but maybe I’ll try with a short piece—because wow, I really need to write again (it’s been forever 😭). (also this is more so my own headcanon)

Mari brought up the good ol' Shadowsan quote:

“I do not consider myself an evil man, merely a soldier with orders to obey.”

And honestly… I feel like what would’ve hit even harder is if he’d said, “I DID not consider myself an evil man.” I feel the small change would've done more. That he used to think like that. That following orders once excused everything for him. That he once believed he was just a product of his world—of poverty, of circumstance, of unfair systems that made “doing wrong” feel inevitable.

But then Carmen came along.

And she, despite every unfair hand the world dealt her, chose to do good. She was kind. Gentle. Protective. She cried over hurt turtles that washed up on shore. She gave more than she got, even when no one thought of her—long before she had Team Red. That kind of selflessness didn’t just impress him. It shook him. It made him feel.

Maybe that’s what unlocked his guilt and justification stopped working.

So now, he knows what he’s done. He knows what he’s capable of. But instead of hiding behind the word “orders,” he makes his choice of not being that man anymore. Not because it’s easy. But because a little girl once looked at him and still believed he could be good.

And honestly it’s more than fine to have favourite characters (I’ve got mine too, bias and all), but I think it does a disservice when canon gets bent too far just to fit what we want a character to be.

AND NOW curtain reveal for a short insight? Story.

“For if you choose this road, there is no going back.”

Shadowsan does not think himself a perfect man. Not the saviour in anyone’s story (Carmen might disagree). Not the hero in one of Zachary's overly dramatic action flicks.

At one point in his life, before the girl with sunset curls, before those steady grey eyes met him and softened without reason, before the gummy smile that screamed purity—he truly did not think himself an evil man. merely a soldier, as he once told her. A product of the world’s injustice. Obedient. Necessary.

He was wrong.

He was a man stained by his choices. Tainted by what he’d done in silence, and what he’d allowed others to do in the name of discipline and control. He sees it now, clearer than he ever has, and still wonders how Carmen doesn’t. Or maybe she does. Maybe she chooses not to look directly at it. Maybe she refuses to see the blood on his hands so she can go on believing in the better version of him. The one she calls sensei... Protector… and in one unmarked moment. Father. Maybe in her eyes, he is still a samurai. The kind from her childhood stories. Not the shame-soaked ninja he sees reflected in the mirror.

And yet he had chosen this road. Chose it easily, the moment his life became unsatisfactory. Not out of desperation, but out of want. Out of greed. He was a selfish man, once. He had told himself it was survival, just another hand dealt by an unjust world. But deep down, he knew the truth: he wanted more. More power. More control. He followed orders because they gave him purpose, yes, but also because they gave him permission to take.

And then Carmen came along.

This child, who had every reason to turn bitter. Who had no real home, no real past (that she knew of), no one to shield her but herself (for he was a coward and not enough) and still, she chose good. She was kind. Gentle. Protective. She cried over injured turtles and nursed them like they were sacred. She shared food, warmth, laughter, even when she had little of any of those things herself. Before Team Red, before the missions, before the name Carmen Sandiego meant anything to the world. She was already that person.

That selflessness didn’t just impress him. It undid him. It peeled back every excuse, every justification he’d clung to like armor.

Maybe that’s when the guilt began. Maybe that’s when he realised that obedience was not innocence, and survival was not absolution.

Now, he lives with it. The weight of what he’s done. He knows exactly what he’s capable of. The blade in his hand, the violence in his body, the things he used to do without hesitation. But he doesn’t hide behind the word “orders” anymore.

He makes a choice. Not because it’s easy. Not because it erases the past. But because one girl small, stubborn, impossibly hopeful once looked at him and believed he could be more.

And somehow, that was enough to make him try.

Even if she doesn’t know the full extent of what he’s done. He prays she never will.

But even if she did, some part of him wonders if she would still sit beside him like she does. If she'd still bring tea and call him "sensei" without flinching. If he'd still undeservingly hold the title of father in her mind

“There is no going back” Maybe that’s why he keeps going. Because he couldn't go back if he even wanted. Couldn't redeem himself no matter how hard he tries. Couldn't erase the past. He could only try to be worthy of the peace she gives him, day by day.

One breath at a time.

(IK THIS IS UNGODLY LONG BUT I ALSO WROTE THIS LIKE 3 DAYS AGO AND THEN I GOT CAUGHT UP IN WORK AND WAS NOT ABLE TO PROOF READ THAT MUCH OR ADD ON TO ANY NEW NOTES PEOPLE HAVE SAID, im sry lads)

I feel like some people really undermine characters they don't like and elevate characters they do, take gray and chase,

Gray, according to canon, is one of VILE's finest and dr bellums favourite student, we know from the book that he made inventions, there was a electrical grid something I don't remember exactly what, but it was there, also he beat all the ACME agents when he made his escape, but I've seen people thinking he's not competent, at least two the other operatives.

Then we have chase, who found VILE island and is very obviously clever but held down by his arrogance and unwillingness to listen to other people, he is not a himbo, but I've seen people make him incompetent in many fics.

Contrast to julia, who I've seen people make a genius, like no, she's not, yeah, she's academically smart, doesn't mean she's a genius, it takes a lot more than that.

-🐇

[phillymothman]

You don't have to actively chase people you perceive to be eggs down to transition them AND ALSO you don't have to keep silent about the possibility of them transitioning around them too? Like. Holy fuck. Some of y'all act like you're being asked to cut your tongue out around people perceived as eggs

[b-blushes]

thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3

[lunarharp]

er... extreme amount of dragon age: the veilguard scribbles to soothe my heart🐦‍⬛💀

[freedelusionshere]

Syd has never mentioned a cleaver before (also, symbolic) and then I realized, she was using it to open the scallop shells! And she specifically says it’s hers.

And Carmy has her scrunchie, too, on top of Mikey’s prayer card on his dresser.

We learn this season, Carmy did go to Mikey’s funeral, but left before anyone could see him (Richie didn’t even believe him at first), and that he was ashamed of it, because it’s connected to his inability to deal with his deepest feelings.

He also had that dusty green sweatshirt of Claire’s and she seems to have known he had that for all of this time. Which possibly explains why she wasn’t dissuaded by him giving her the fake phone number (I guess, whatever, all of this is in service of Sydcarmy).

And in Fishes, when Mikey and Richie (and Stevie) were trying to get him to just talk to Claire, he was embarrassed and overwhelmed, and he mentioned that they had made fun of him for drawing Claire when he was a teen, and they knew he definitely had a crush on her.

Carmy may or may not have some Syd drawings. I wouldn’t be surprised if he does or will now, but he started drawing food instead of people to sublimate his feelings about wanting love into something else.

But it’s pretty fascinating that he was up drawing the chaos menu Syd wanted to do with him while he was with Claire and then brought it in the next day and showed it to Syd and basically told her point blank what he did and expected her to like it.

I’m now questioning if Syd doesn’t possibly understand all of this! Just like when he makes these plates in front of Syd with the lamb, that looks like what she’s wearing. He’s done it twice in front of her, and it’s very obvious this season; and she actually takes a photo of the one that matches the outfit she wore to the wedding.

Maybe she’s too far gone down the rabbit hole to see it, or maybe, like she tells him in their fight in the alley, that it’s not enough and she needs him to explain himself (and he can’t).

So, to do the math here; Carmy is definitely not even remotely cool or chill about his feelings about Syd, and is embarrassed by his inabilty to be able to express his feelings directly to her (which is why he has the scrunchie).

Syd, in the same way, gets all weird and flustered in her conversation with TJ (and TJ eventually will tell her mom everything, because they have a healthy relationship.)

Carmy took her cleaver because he doesn’t want her to give him the chop, and decides that he will do it to himself rather than deal with the pain of knowing she will leave him or doesn’t need him anymore.

And that scallop dish is complicated. It started as her Seven Fishes (which, ask why she made that to begin with, or the cola ribs risotto dish which is like the two of them on a plate).

Her dish was served at Friends & Family, and when he got out of the walk-in, he changed it and subtracted and made it his scallop dish (shades of Chef David doing that to his blood orange hamachi dish).

But that scallop dish still had Syd’s flavors in it; because Shapiro wanted that dish on his new menu and Syd says to him in S3 that it is “their” dish.

And she “fixes” it in S4 and makes it even better than his version of her version, with even fewer ingredients. She is even better than him at all of this fine dining bullshit and he knows her days of thinking Empire Carmy is the shit are done. It goes viral, he even thinks it’s good enough to get her an award, but it turns out it’s Marcus’ dessert that wins.

Another possibility, as I’m writing and thinking about this, LOL at myself, is that Tina is the one who hid her cleaver, like she did Carmy’s knife in S1, because Syd could beat that 3-minute bullshit timer, and now Tina feels like she’s in competition with Syd again. Which is terrible and sad (she’s becoming like Syd was to Carmy) and maybe more important to consider why Tina feels this way all over again and what is really being accomplished here.

Tina gets great and then the goalposts get moved yet again. I’m still unpacking all of that because what is happening to everyone is, very frankly, upsetting me a lot, and makes me uneasy because there are a lot of signs people are changing and not in good ways.

Going to tag in @whenmemorydies about this because she’s posted stuff recently about Syd and Tina.

Carmy stole Syd's cleaver

She was using it to open the scallop shells.

He's such a little bitch!

[my-current-obsession]

To be fair, the whole, “I’ll come back to you even if you don’t promise to wait,” is a line pulled directly from OG FFVII. It’s mentioned late game by Cid (who hilariously went to see a showing of loveless in Midgar but fell asleep then woke up just in time to view this ending scene 😂). But if you wanna deep dive on the meaning of this line, it’s worth noting that a version of the line is used in FFVIII in reference to the main ship of that installment — Rinoa and Squall — who also happen to be another mage/swordsman pair. And if you wanna go big brain square enix energy, there’s also the famous, “I’ll come back to you; I promise…I know you will,” between Sora and Kairi in Kingdom Hearts when he goes off on another journey while she awaits his return. If you go down those rabbit holes, it seems square really has a type for their main pairs, no?

I don't remember that line in OG FF7, but it's been years since I played it so I'll take your word for it. But you're right that similar lines/sentiments pop up frequently in other FF and KH games, so yeah, Square has a type. I still think the conversation between Cloud and Aerith in KH2 is the quickest and easiest parallel to make here though, considering the same pair can have basically the same interaction, in an entirely different game. Yes, Cloud could also have this conversation in the play with T or Y. But only Aerith's would have the added depth of being a potential callback/reference to another moment the pair shared.

And considering this game liked to callback to several moments between Cloud and Aerith in the previous game (him remembering their first meeting being what snaps him out of Sephiroth's control, the "will you be okay getting back", "if I said I wasn't" in the ending...) I think it's totally reasonable to assume that Square might have subtly referenced at least one Clerith moment from outside the compilation.