#<- not in a romantic context this time though
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men, minors dni
councilor!sevika x assistant!reader headcanons
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ getting together ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
i have too many thoughts about miss councilor sevika (•‿•)
◗ they get on each other's nervs at first. sevika is still too new for her position and the need to prove herself to the most of the council drives her insane, cause those fucks are hella dense. so she's constantly on the edge, trying to wiggle between mentally fighting for her people on the meetings and actually taking part in rebuilding of zaun. and sometimes (or a lot of times) sevika sees reader as just another nuisances and a person who's ready to judge her just because she's not from piltover
◗ reader on the other hand just can't comprehend sevika's nature. she was raised and worked for years in a more "higher context culture" if you can call it so, so she's shoked how straight to the point sevika is, often taking it as nothing but rudeness. reader also can't say much to sevika, since she can't make herself speak up, taught to be respecrful and obedient to her supiriors, leaving a lot of space to passive aggression
◗ they're taking all the first places in the misunderstanding and miscommunication competition
◗ sevika hates how reader is set on the formal speech with her. "stop calling me councilor" "that's who you are" "yeah but you don't have to say it in every sentence, you sound like some wind-up toy" "okay, ma'am, I'll take you wish into account".
◗ she realises that reader calling her "ma'am" is worse but not for the same reasons
◗ their relationship is very much about learning and understanding each other and those around you. mostly for reader, cause she was brought up with a mindset of zaunites being someone lesser. and even though she follows etiquette, trying to be polite and serve as a perfect assistant, cause her whole life she dreamed of working with someone who changes other people's lifes, or even being that person, she can be judgmental towards sevika, refusing to see her point of view properly
◗ eventually they get closer and more comfortable with each other, which means reader drops her nice formal persona with her passive aggressiveness, and they actually menage to solve more problems while arguing and letting the steam out than just walking around on eggshells for days
◗ that's when sevika starts fall for reader. it's like reader's mask slipped and she can finally see a real person and not a workaholic machine. she loves how both sassy and caring reader can be. their fights now end in laughter and omg they also can say sorry to each other
◗ sevika insists on brining reader to any important event, where plus one is required. because reader helps her monitor her actions and gives helpful insides of other participants of course, not because she just wants to spend time with her, definitely not
◗ and reader is oblivious™. she's so happy, she finally doesn't hate her work and her and sevika can even be called friends, she doesn't notice any move sevika makes, simply thinking it's nothing but platonic gestures
◗ eventually she snaps. "are you straight?" "what?" "i asked around, and people said you're into women. did they lie?" "n-no" "then what?" "what what?" "if it's just me you don't like you could've said so"
◗ reader is of course shocked. she has to take couple of days off, embarrassed with how blind she was and to think the situation through
◗ next time they meet reader refuses sevika, saying it's not right to have a romantic involvement with any colleague, especially not with your boss. sevika understands and agrees
◗ well actually she doesn't. a compliment here, a touch there. sevika does nothing too provocative so reader can't say she's acting improper. but she's just playing a long game
◗ and yes, it works. months of teasing ruins poor reader's morals. flustered and very much horny she tugs sevika into a kiss on just a normal tuesday in councilor's office
◗ they may or may not have sex right there they definitely do
—————————————————————————
kay, a bit messy. definitely gonna do part two or a full drubble with them later
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Where MC Tells the Obey Me Brothers About How Horribly They Were Treated in Twisted Wonderland
This was requested by @sweetlicorice I hope you like it! It was taking longer than expected, so I only did the brothers, but I will do the dateables in a part 2, don't worry.
TW: Talk of being Overworked and Burnt Out, Abuse of Power, Very Angry Demons (but not at you), mental breakdowns, missing a pet (he's not dead, don't worry), and nightmares
Reader is referred to as MC by the characters (though I don't think they say it here) and MC is gender neutral, but this is mostly in second person, so for the majority of the story you'll be referred to as 'You' by the narrator.
Characters include: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Asmodeus, Satan, Beelzebub, and Belphegor
Could be read as romantic or platonic
This will be long, so the stories under the cut
This is organized by character, with a bit of context at the beginning. Enjoy!
First, it was a coffin. You were kidnapped by a horse-drawn hearse, woke up in a coffin, in another world. A world of magic, and wonder, but also one of pain, as you quickly learned. But you met people. You made friends, allies, and you were learning, even if you couldn't use magic.
And then, it was you landing rather harshly in a room that looked like an old-time, very fancy courtroom, surrounding by tall and intimidating looking young men. It was soon explained to you that you were in the Devildom, and were an exchange student, one that would be living with the Seven Deadly Sins for your own protection.
You didn't know what to feel. Gratitude for the much improved living conditions? Fear for living with a bunch of demons and going to school with demons that would likely have no qualms with snapping you in two if you stepped out of line? Sadness for the friends that you don't know how to get back to? Upset for being forced to leave the place you were finally starting to feel like you fit in at and having to leave Grim? It was a whirlwind inside, and for a time, that's where it stayed. Kept inside.
Slowly, the Devildom revealed to have similar problems as Twisted Wonderland, in the fact that it seems everyone in power here, aside from Diavolo and Barbatos, would like you to die.
Most of the brothers tried to kill you. One of them succeeded! Congrats to them you guess, though, no offense to Belphie, you don't think it was particularly hard for a demon to kill a human.
Through all of this, you got closer to those you were staying with, even forgiving Belphegor after everything. It only made sense that eventually, what happened to you, you started to open up to them about your past. About those that you met and bonded with, all that had been put onto you, and all that was different.
Lucifer:
You were in his office, as you did somewhat often. It was quieter in there than it was in most of the house, and no one would bother you if you were with him. Plus, sometimes he would let you take care of some of his paperwork, just the stuff that wasn't too sensitive or important, but it lightened his load a bit.
"Why do you insist upon helping me?" He asked, not looking up from his paper, as you looked at your own.
"I'm used to doing more work, and if it makes your job easier, then I don't mind." You shrugged.
"More work? Do you mean like a job?" He asked, somewhat curious. Your file had listed a lot, but you had, apparently, been missing for a while when you were brought to the Devildom, so he didn't know what you had been doing before coming there.
"Something like that." You vaguely answered, finishing a paper.
"I am always here if you need to talk." He glanced up at you, as you pulled out your homework instead.
"Thank you."
A comfortable silence fell over the you two. The ambiance of the fireplace, paired with the low volume on the record he was playing, along with the light scratching of his pen, was calming. His office was always dimly lit, enough to see easily, but also darker than the average room.
It was a quiet environment that reminded you of the days when you would sit in the office of Crewel, him taking pity on the amount of work shoved on you and attempting to help at least a little. Or the days when you would study with Ace and Deuce in the Heartslabyul Common Room, Riddle sitting nearby doing his own paperwork, and Grim resting lazily along your shoulders. It was comforting, yet sad, at the same time.
"Back, in the place where I was," you started softly after a few moments of silence, "there was more that was required of me."
"In what way?" He asked, and though you couldn't tell, off in your own world, he had stopped doing his paperwork to focus on what you were saying, fully enraptured in wanting to know your backstory.
"The headmaster, at my last school, his name was Dire Crowley. And he was terrible at his job." You laughed bitterly. "I showed up there one day, against my will, and practically started running the place once he thought I could handle it, or when he was certain I wouldn't complain." You glared at your paper, thinking back on all that was unfairly thrown at you.
"Like what?"
"Paperwork, was the majority." You answered without thinking. "But there were.... others."
"Others?" He prompted after a few moments of a now, much tenser, silence.
"Your demon form is scary." You looked at him, making eye contact. "But it is not as scary as facing seven Overblots within the span of a year."
"Overblots?"
"The manifestation of out of control magic and strong negative emotions that result in the transformation of the magic user, and the creation of a sort of monster. The magic user loses control of their entire being, and it's very taxing on the magic user." Your eyes were glazed over as you seemed to recite the information with no emotion in your voice. "I don't blame them, for Overblotting, and losing control, the world is cruel. I do blame Dire Crowley, however, for making me responsible for dealing with them."
"That sounds dangerous, for someone without magic."
"It was." You agreed, still looking towards him.
Not at him, but through him, as if you weren't registering how much you were saying. This made him all the more concerned, as he got up and walked over to you, sitting beside you.
"I was also responsible for whatever Dire Crowley wanted me to do. Feed the fireplaces over winter break, find out why our sports players are getting injured, stop that one student from taking over the student body, house these people for this inter-school competition, and on, and on." You listed, beginning to spiral. "I practically ran that school. Me! A magicless human who had no idea what they were doing or where they were or how to handle what was happening to me. He stuck me in a shack, filled with mildew, and mold, that was covered in dust, infested with ghosts, and falling apart at the seams with a fire-breathing cat. And he didn't even make me a student at first!" You looked at Lucifer, tears pricking your eyes. "I was a janitor! And when another student got myself, Grim, and another student in trouble, he was going to throw me out! Onto the streets with no understanding of the world, how it functions, or anything at all!"
Lucifer nodded, trying to get you to calm down silently, wanting to hear about your past, even though it was painful.
"And he'd threaten me, Lucifer! He'd threaten my housing, my food budget, and I had no means of income! I couldn't pay for myself in any regard, I was completely dependent on him! I was his little puppet. The puppet of the 'oh so gracious Dire Crowley'." You began to sob as emotions started to overcome you, them all spilling out as you finally let yourself feel safe enough to feel these emotions. "I was so scared! About what would happen to me, and my friends. I didn't know what the next day would bring."
He brought you into his chest, hugging you tightly, and allowing your tears to stain his red vest. He let you sob and weep as you finally allowed yourself to process the emotions you'd been keeping inside this whole time. He kept his breathing even, trying to get you to match it subconsciously, and he gently rocked you, trying to calm you down as best he could.
"I miss Grim!" You cried out, into his chest. "I miss him so much that it hurts. I feel so anxious without him around."
He didn't ask who Grim was, but he knew it was someone important. He'd ask you about it when you were calmer, for now, he'd just let you cry to your hearts content. It had been a long time since someone had come to him, and allowed him to see them crying, but he didn't mind it so much when it was you. He took pride in being someone you felt safe enough to cry around.
No more paperwork got done that night, but he didn't care. You were more important at that point in time, and Diavolo would understand, he assured you of this, when you tried to apologize for taking up his time and crying on him. He brought up that Diavolo would be more mad if he hadn't comforted you, which made you laugh. You were so tired from crying that not long after you calmed down, you drifted off in Lucifer's arms, on the couch in his office.
Mammon:
You were hanging out in Mammon's room one night, trying to help him study. Mammon was a lot smarter than a lot of people gave him credit for, the main issue you were having was the effort in which he was putting in. Which was zero. He was much more interested in his video game than his homework, despite the fact that Lucifer had threatened to string him up from the ceiling should he not get a satisfactory grade.
It was almost nice, how familiar this felt. The arguing with him about studying gave you a nostalgic feeling, for when you would study with your First Year friend group, and you would try to pry Ace away from his video games. It was never effective, much like now, but the nostalgia made you keep trying to convince him.
Mammon himself didn't seem to notice the effect this was having on you, too focused on his video game. Not that you cared, better for him to remain oblivious that try to pry your secrets out of you.
You sighed, closing the textbooks that you had brought in, accepting the fate of his grade, and making a mental note to find a spot to at least try to hide him from Lucifer. You watched as he played the game for just a few more minutes before you crawled over, sitting beside him as he played, watching the screen.
"Why're ya so good at homework in the Devildom anyway?" He asked, in the blunt way he normally does.
"Diavolo adjusted my curriculum because I don't know much about the Devildom, so I get assignments that are easier." You admitted, leaning against him, your head resting on his shoulder. "I appreciate it, my last headmaster wasn't nearly so accommodating." You mumbled bitterly, thinking back on that incompetent headmaster.
"Really? How's that?" He asked, only half-paying attention, as he spam-clicked the button on the controller to his video game.
"Eh, don't think too much about it. Crowley was stupid, and though he claims he was gracious, he was really anything but. At least to me."
"What's 'at supposed to mean?" He asked before exclaiming nonsensical, frustrated sounds at his loss in the video game.
"I was basically his Barbatos, but I wasn't paid. Hell," You laughed mirthfully, "what money I was supposed to get was threatened, actually. More than once."
"Really?"
His attention was still diverted, and you noticed this. He was likely only wanting to hear your voice for background noise while he played, but you didn't mind so much. At least now you can say you told someone. Even if he wasn't listening.
"Yeah, Crowley threatened my food and housing budget more than once. And he'd push all his work onto me, even though I really shouldn't have had that much responsibility put on me. After all, I was someone without magic in a magic-teaching school, from another world. I didn't know anything." You shrugged lightly, trying not to move Mammon's arm too much, because your head was still resting on his shoulder. "I can't say I miss that part of it."
"What do ya miss then?" He asked, eyes still glued to the screen.
"My friends. I had a group of friends that were pretty tight-knit. Trauma bonded, more like it." You laughed. "And Grim. I miss Grim."
"Grim?"
"My cat."
"Ya sound like Satan."
"Grim was a special cat. He could use magic, and fly, and talk. You remind me of him sometimes." At that he finally paused the game to look at you.
"I, remind ya of... a cat?" He asked incredulously.
"Yeah." You smiled, laughing lightly. "He was sarcastic, and demanding, and greedy. He called me Henchman, you call me Human." He rolled his eyes. "But underneath your... bravado, is a very nice person, who cares a lot. Grim and I... we only had each other. So it just makes sense that we bonded. I miss him, a lot. He used to sleep in my bed, and he'd always be there with me. I've been having trouble sleeping without him. It just feels like there's something missing." You admitted in a soft and sad tone. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders.
"I'll be yer Grim 'til we can convince Diavolo or Barbatos, or maybe Solomon to get yer cat." He said quietly, rubbing your upper arm. "Ya can sleep in here whenever ya need, ok?" You nodded. "Wanna watch a movie?" You smiled at him, nodding once more, as he turned the TV to one of the bajillion streaming services the family all pay for, because they share, and arguing with you about the best movie to watch.
Leviathan:
Leviathan was out in public with you, having gone to an anime themed event at a cafe in the Devildom. He was so excited, that you just couldn't resist when he asked if you wanted to go with. It was nice to hear him rant and ramble about all the things that he was passionate about.
"There's a cat in the anime that waitress is from! And he's super cool!" Levi started. "He can fly, and talk, and use magic. He's also very stubborn, like a donkey. But he's a favorite in the fandom because of how cute he is."
"I know someone like that." You mumbled without thinking, your mind wandering to your feline friend.
"You do?!" He asked excitedly.
"Yeah." You smiled. "His name was Grim, and he used to live with me, back in the time before."
"Really? Tell me more!"
"He wasn't super smart, or very hard working. He used to call me Henchman, and demand cans of tuna. But when it came down to it, Grim was the one I could rely on the most. But, that might also be because we literally couldn't leave each other." You told him.
"You couldn't?"
"No. I don't have magic, and he did. I'm human, he was a cat. The headmaster of my last school decided to be 'oh so gracious'," you quoted, making air quotes around his catchphrase, "and make the two of us one singular student, allowing us to attend his magic school."
"That seems... dumb. To say the least."
"It was." You deadpanned, before the both of you laughed. "He was a bad headmaster. Towards the end of my stay there, I was practically headmaster, just because of how much work he pushed onto me because he could. But while I was at that school I made friends. And I had Grim. Even if the situation I was in was less than ideal." You smiled as the waitress delivered the food you ordered, with a bundle of silverware.
"Ah. I bet you'd prefer them to an otaku like me."
"Not true!" You defended, pointing your fork at Leviathan. "I like you plenty fine, Levi. You actually remind me a lot of my friend Idia. But," you laughed awkwardly, "at least you leave the house sometimes, and aren't afraid of confrontation. Or, at least, you're not afraid to confront some people. Like your brothers." You set your fork down, stopping your silent threat at Levi, that wasn't actually very threatening to him.
"He was an otaku too?"
"Yes indeed, and a master gamer to boot."
"Better than me?"
"It's hard to say." You shrugged. "The games you guys play are similar, but different. It's not a fair comparison." He seemed placated by this answer. "Your brothers remind me of a lot of my friends from there." You said vaguely.
"Do you miss them?"
"Yeah. They're my friends, of course I miss them. And it's not like I know if and when I'll be able to see them again." You explained gently. "I don't miss the work though. Diavolo was nice and assigned me a tutor and easier assignments until I get the hang of the normal work here. And no one makes me do any extra work, or threatens my food or housing. Well, Lucifer threatens punishments sometimes, but he would never threaten my food or housing, and I won't get punished as long as I do my best and behave." You rambled, smiling at how nice it was here, compared to it was in Twisted Wonderland. "Plus, I have all of you, and Diavolo, and Barbatos, and the other exchange students. I miss my friends from there, and I really wish that I had Grim here with me. But I am happy here." You beamed.
"Maybe if we ask Lucifer, he may know how to get your cat." Leviathan suggested, smiling lightly.
"I would love that. He acts like Mammon, but he feels like an emotional support cat. And, I bet Satan would seriously love having him here too."
"You know, we're all here. If you want to talk."
"I know." You glanced around. "What anime is that cosplay from?" You asked, gesturing at another waitress, changing the subject.
He glanced, and started beaming, immediately launching into a rant about the anime it's from, and the character themself. It was nice that he didn't question the change in subject. You'd tell Levi and the others all about what happened to you, and about what Twisted Wonderland was like. Eventually. Maybe.
Asmodeus:
Saying Asmo was flirty, was an understatement. Possibly the understatement of the century. And while he flirted and charmed nearly every being in existence, he did understand consent, and took every no at face value, stopping when asked. Of course, it's a rejection, so at the beginning you had to explain that no, you're not rejecting him as a person, you like him plenty fine as a person, you just don't always want to be flirted with.
He still did it, but when you asked him to stop he'd make a show of whining about it, but stopping nonetheless. It was annoying, but he did take your 'no' seriously, so in the end it was kind of worth it. Asmo was good for conversation, and he knew all the gossip, so he was nice to hang out with.
You had mentioned a handful of times that he reminded you of someone where you were from where you used to live. But all he ever said in response was that there was no one like him. Which is true, as no one else could truly embody Lust like Asmodeus does.
He was doing a skincare night with you, when you brought it up again.
"You know a lot about skincare already, it's quite impressive." He complimented.
"Yeah, had a friend who took it very seriously." You agreed.
"Is this the same friend that I remind you of?"
"Tis." You smiled, gently rubbing the moisturizer onto his face. "He was an interesting man."
"Interesting man? Interesting how?"
"He was insanely hard working, yet it seemed no one saw that." You started, taking a deep breath. "He was an actor, and social media influencer. And he was talented. Extremely talented. He worked hard to get where he was, but he had the means to get there."
"Anything else I should know about this person?"
"Well, he was good at potions. And like, just as good if not better than Satan and Solomon, good. He had the harshest study routine, but it was worth it. Never failed a potions class if he was tutoring me. He didn't have much time to do so, but I was always grateful when he did." You thought back on the memories fondly, smiling, as you stopped rubbing the moisturizer into his skin, and moving onto the next step. "His methods were.... intense, to say the least." Your smile became strained, remembering the VDC. "But, they got the results he wanted, so I guess he didn't see much issue with it."
"Intense in what way?" Asmo asked, noting your tenseness.
"I was appointed manager for a dance team, an interschool competition thing, you know how competitive people can get." You shook your head lightly. "They all came to live in my dorm because it was mostly empty. But, despite me being manager, he decided I needed to follow the same diet as everyone else. My friends said it was a 'we're all in this together' thing, but I thought he was just being unreasonable. I mean, come on, hexing my food? That's just wasteful. And he didn't even pay me back. I didn't get much money for food in general, because I was the magicless student, and there he went, just wasting what I had." You laughed mirthfully, remembering your anger at the situation, and your frustration.
"Well, in his defense, if he was just looking out for you."
"I would have no problems if that were the case, Azzy." You slightly chastised, but it was playful, and held no real bite. "I took your diet in stride, didn't I?" He nodded in acknowledgement. "I would've been fine with it, if that were the case. But he never paid me back for the food that he hexed, or replaced it. I didn't have much, so no one being able to eat those foods, it was wasteful. I mean, it's not like I got much money, if any, from the school for dorm food, like every other dorm."
"Why wouldn't you?"
"I was the magicless student. The errand person. The pushover. The unpaid therapist or headmaster. Depends on the day." You sighed. "The headmaster didn't want to have to rewrite the budget to factor in an extra dorm, when it only had two students in it, that really only amounted to one student."
"Wait, I thought you've mentioned before that you had a roommate."
"I lived with a fire-breathing, flying, talking cat named Grim, who could use magic, and several ghosts. I say technically one student, because the ghosts were faculty members, technically, but Grim had magic, and I didn't, but I was human and Grim was a cat. So, when I popped out of the woodwork, with no magic, no identification, no way to go home, and no clue about how this world worked, the headmaster was 'oh so gracious'," you mocked, "and put us both in a run down dorm, enrolled as a single student."
"Run down?"
"I mean Run Down. It was called Ramshackle, by other students, and it certainly lived up to it's name. The heater didn't work, I had to curl up with Grimm under every blanket I could find in that house. It was caked in mold and mildew, and dust, until Crowley cleaned it for the VDC. I injured myself more than once." You pointed to a scar on your forearm, where you'd hurt yourself in an attempt to fix up your dorm. "I am, honestly, very grateful, for the opportunity to stay here, in much better conditions. I do miss my friends, and I miss Grim." You admitted.
"Is that why you named that stuffed animal Grim? I thought you were just taking after Mammon in your greed."
"I miss Grim." You stated simply. "He was always with me. We were inseparable. We fought, we bickered, but at the end of the day, I knew if there was one thing, one being, I could rely on consistently, it was Grim. He was my ride-or-die. I named my stuffed animal after him, because I have a hard time sleeping without him. Even just, relaxing, can be hard. I miss him, and I don't know if he's ok. I genuinely, worry about him. And I miss him so much, that it's hard to fully put into words."
"I'm sorry." He offered, and you just smiled at him.
There was not much more Asmodeus could say. He couldn't provide you the comfort that you craved, as he was not your cat, nor could he get you your cat. So, he extended his sympathies, and access to his bed whenever you would like. For cuddles, or for more, he was always down for whatever.
He only hoped that his efforts to be there, and open for you, helped to heal you a little bit in the long run.
Satan:
Satan was nice to be around. He was curious, and he liked to know things and ask questions, so he did tend to pry into your past. But he was always good for book recommendations, and was always happy to discuss any book you wanted.
You found comfort in his fondness for cats, finding a kindred spirit in that regard. You didn't tell him about Grim, not wanting to get his hopes up about maybe meeting your beloved companion. He did notice your love of cats though, and had gotten you a giant cat plushie, as a gift.
You had named it Grim, and it lived on your bed. It was much quieter, and honestly, a bit boring compared to the real thing, but it was good for cuddling in the night when you couldn't sleep because you missed your furry friend. You were grateful that Satan had brought you just a bit of comfort in those moments, even if he didn't know it.
"I had a cat." You started one day when he started reading off cat facts enthusiastically after you had expressed the slightest bit of interest. "He was a rather interesting thing."
"Really? What was he like?" Satan liked to hear you talk about your past in general, but he was especially excited to hear about your cat.
"His name was Grim. And he was big, like 2 feet tall. He had a very distinct look about him. Grey fur, with a white chest," Satan nodded, listening intently, "bright, big, blue eyes. So round they almost looked scary sometimes. His ears, they had blue fire coming out of them, and his tail was shaped like a pitchfork. And he could use magic! He could breathe fire, and fly, effortlessly. He could talk too. Used to talk my ear off." You smiled fondly, happy to be able to talk about your favorite creature. "He'd call me Henchman, or Hench Human. He was a trouble maker. Mammon reminds me of him that way."
"Oh." Satan almost groaned.
"But much like Mammon, at the end of the day, push comes to shove, you can rely on him. That was one of the few things I knew for certain back then. Grim was the only one I could fully rely on. I had other friends, but Grim and I, we were inseparable. He was my best friend. He used to sleep in my bed with me, every night. I'm so used to it, it's honestly.... kind of hard to sleep without him." You admitted, laughing tiredly. "I miss Grim."
"Were you allowed pets, or familiars, at your last school?"
"No. No, I don't think we were." You answered after a moment of thought. "But Grim was a special case. He and I crashed the entrance ceremony. I wasn't supposed to be there, and got yoinked out of another world, but he was just straight up trespassing because he wanted so badly to go to that school, and become a great mage." You laughed at the memory. "He committed arson, I helped calm him down, and the rest is history. We weren't students, originally. We were janitors. The Headmaster only let us stay because I didn't have anywhere else to go, and I proved that Grim could be helpful."
"I thought you said you were a student?"
"I was. Half. I was half of a student." You smiled, taking a tired, yet fond, sigh. "I didn't have magic. But Grim did. So, Crowley determined that we would each be half of a student. He got us both into so much trouble, but he always helped me get out of it. I could always rely on Grim. Except in schoolwork," you admitted, laughing a little, "I was alone in that portion."
A million questions ran through his head, and you could tell the gears were turning. It was almost amusing, seeing him trying to decide on what topic to pick. Should he keep going about your cat? Pry about your headmaster? Ask about your clearly troubled past at this school?
He was quiet, but it wasn't tense, or awkward, just comfortable silence, as you patiently awaited his next question. You knew Satan would choose his words carefully, so as to not make you uncomfortable, so you had no fears. You really didn't want him to ask about Grim's homework habits though. Satan prioritized intelligence, and knowledge. You wanted him to have a good impression of Grim, since you thought the two would get along, despite Grim being similar to his older brother, Mammon.
It took him a few moments, you, peacefully sipping your favorite hot drink, as you waited patiently, reading your book, before he finally picked a topic.
"Was your headmaster, truly that bad?" He asked softly.
"His favorite trick to get me to do what he wanted, when I didn't want to, was to threaten me. My food budget, my housing budget, or even my security at the school. I had others I could rely on, should this happen. The other Housewardens tended to take pity on me when I would show up, practically begging for food, because Crowley wouldn't allow me to have any. They were good people. But I always made sure Grim had stuff to eat. I never let him suffer. He actually learned to share through this. But, a diet of tuna sandwiches, just isn't that good for your health. It was better than nothing though." You shrugged, not looking up from your book. You looked up, to see him looking at you, sadness painting his eyes. "I'm doing better now, Satan." You smiled.
"I don't want to pry, but I do have more questions." You took a deep breath.
"Can I answer them later?" You asked, to which he nodded.
"Take your time."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Of course."
"Can you look through your books, to see if there's a spell, or an incantation, or a potion, or a ritual, that will help me get Grim? I'm worried about him, and, as you can see," you gestured to your eyebags, which Asmo had tried to hide using makeup, but it was late, so they were started to peek through, "being without him takes a toll. He's like my emotional support cat, you know? My sassy, lazy, loud, annoying, emotional support cat, that I love. And I miss."
"I'll see what I can do." He nodded. "No promises, but I'll look into it."
"That's all I ask." You smiled tiredly.
Beelzebub:
Beelzebub had eaten the majority of the fridge again, and it was your turn to make dinner. You sighed, as he looked at you guiltily. It was getting too close to when you absolutely needed to start cooking so you could serve dinner on time, so you couldn't go shopping for more. You just shook your head, and got to work taking everything out of the fridge and pantry, just to see what was left.
"I'm sorry." Beel offered. "I'll help you cook."
"I've done more with less." You said, not registering his offer, and looking over the ingredients that were left, as you had caught him before he could eat everything. "I just need some time."
"I didn't leave you much. I could go to the store, and get some more." He offered.
"Beel," You looked at him, smiling in amusement. "How much of what you get me would you eat on the way home?" He looked down guiltily once more. "I'm not mad," you assured, "really, I'm not. And I appreciate your offer of help. But I've got this." You smiled once more, before turning back to the ingredients, and picking up a few.
With what little you had, you'd started to make a large delicious meal. Beelzebub watched, in what could only be described as awe, as you stretched what you had into enough to feed the brothers, and something that tasted good. He still felt guilty about eating the majority of what you could've used to make dinner, but he was grateful you weren't mad, and he was curious as to how you knew how to make so little go so far.
After you served the brothers, you kept a little for yourself, and Beelzebub noticed. He noticed that you didn't take much, and when he tried to comment on it, you just winked at him, smiling. After dinner, he was designated for clean up, and you went into the kitchen to keep him company, as he had while you were cooking.
"How did you do that? There wasn't much left, but that was a good meal."
"My last school.... I didn't have much." You started vaguely. "My food budget was small, and often taken away, so I would take what little I was able to beg or barter for from the shop keeper, or the other Housewardens, or my friends, and I'd make it stretch. It helped that they often had some leftovers, especially Scarabia, with their feasts every week. And Jamil was a fabulous cook." You complimented, your mouth watering at the thought of his delicious and carefully prepared food. "But I digress. What I'd do is, I'd prepare meals in advance, as many as I could. I had to. Starvation sounded rather unpleasant, to me."
"It was that bad?"
"Not if I planned correctly." You smiled.
Beelzebub related to the feeling of hunger, and starvation. He was often brushed aside as always hungry because he's the Avatar of Gluttony. But the pain was always there, and it was hard to describe the pain aside from, hungry. You were always patient with him, even if he got grumpy because of his hunger, and now he was starting to see why.
If you understood the feeling of being hungry all the time, and starving to a painful point, it makes sense that you'd not get mad at him. It makes sense to him, that you'd be patient with him. He had always appreciated your patience and kindness, but he had never questioned it. Now he was starting to think he should've.
"Was it just you?"
"No. I had a cat with me. His name was Grim, and he was a lot like Mammon." You described cheerfully. "He mostly ate cans of tuna, which I could get for cheap at the school shop, they weren't super popular, and students tended to leave them at the shop after realizing they were the cheapest option of food I had." You laughed awkwardly. "It was a school of ruffians, and bullies, and people who hated me. But they had the decency to not want me to starve to death."
"You were hated?"
"By some. I wasn't popular, but I had my fair share of friends, don't worry." You assured. "I had the first years friend group, and the Housewardens, and the vice-housewardens and honorary vicehousewardens. Even a lot of the teachers liked me. And even if they didn't, I still had Grim. He was my best friend."
"Was?"
"He's still there, so he still is. We're just not together right now. It's like... it's like a part of me is missing, because he's my best friend." You tried. "And he's still there, but I can't see him, and I can't talk to him. I miss him, a lot. I think you'd like him." You smiled. "He used to sleep on my bed, every night. And he'd complain, and whine, and get both of us into trouble, but he was loyal to a fault, and he was always there when I needed him."
"Was your old headmaster that bad?"
"Oh yeah." You nodded enthusiastically. "He went on vacation so often, and it was more like I was the headmaster towards the end of my time there. What with the amount of paperwork and such I was handling in his stead. On top of schoolwork! And he put me in an old decrepit house, with a fire breathing cat. Granted, I asked for the cat to remain with me, but still. I'm sure he could've found somewhere else to put me."
"That sounds awful."
"It could be. But hey, think of it this way, now I'm prepared if you do this again." You teased. He nodded. "Don't feel too bad, Beel. You didn't even know I existed, you couldn't have done anything."
"I wish you would've told us."
"It's not easy to talk about." You admitted. "It's not like... I had the best experience with a lot of people there. I mean, Overblots, burnout, hunger, on top of basically being an unpaid therapist, an unpaid headmaster, and a full-time student? I was busy, and not every experience is a pleasant one. But it's a part of my life, and I wouldn't change it for anything. Because it was my experience." You explained. He nodded in understanding. "I think you'd like the people I met before. So many good cooks. And Lilia, who is on par with Solomon." You shuddered. "But there was also so many athletics clubs. I bet you'd really like Spelldrive." You smiled.
"Spelldrive?"
"Yeah!"
As you launched into an in-depth explanation of the sport, at least as you understood it, he simply watched. He was glad you'd opened up to him, and to hear that you weren't always alone. He would probably ask Satan if he could find anything about getting your cat for you. But for now, he was just happy to see you being comfortable enough to talk about your past.
Belphegor:
Belphegor liked to visit your dreams whenever you'd let him. They were always so interesting. They almost matched you, in that regard. As you were so strange in his eyes. He was very lucky, able to explore your good dreams. Dreams that told of friends, and adventure. Light hardship, sure, but mostly wonder. And happiness. Along with a cat that seemed to pop up in every dream. He didn't know that he only saw this because he didn't always tune into your dreams. Not every dream is a happy one.
It was one day, when you happened to be taking a nap in his general vicinity, that he drifted off, and entered your dream. He prepared himself for the bright light of the outside of Night Raven College, and for the happy smiling faces, or the sound of laughter, as he usually saw when he joined your in your dreams. What he wasn't expecting, was the fire. The screaming, the fear. He was prepared to watch on happily as you got to see your friends, the people you consider family, in your dreams, but instead, he only saw your terror.
He couldn't look away as you looked on in terror as eight towering figures, covering in black ink, with massive ink monsters behind them cornered you. He recognized some of these faces, they were those of your friends. They were friends, friends who would drive you to work harder, and do better, but would always be there to help in any way they could, if they could, when you asked.
But there was one face he was shocked to see, moreso than the friends. It was your cat. Your cat that had been changed into a hulking, massive beast, and it looked more wild than he had ever seen. It wasn't talking anymore, none of those smart ass comments he'd overhear, it was growling at you, roaring at you. It had never done that before.
Belphegor, unable to stand by as you feared for your life, even in a dream, quickly made his way to in front of you, his back to you.
"You need to wake up."
You heard him, but his voice was muddled in your panic, it sounded like he was under water. You looked at him in confusion.
"What?"
"Wake! UP!" He commanded.
You shot up, gasping for air, as you woke up. Belphegor followed not long after, making his way over, and sitting beside you, as you began to calm down from such a panic-inducing dream. He sat beside you until your breathing was under control, and you weren't shaking as much anymore.
You leaned onto him, your head resting on his shoulder, and feeling embarrassed. It wasn't often that you had these nightmares, but they were always intense and unpleasant when you did. You didn't think he knew, he'd never visited those dreams. It's not as though you were actively hiding it, you'd told him that you'd had nightmares before, but you were ashamed that he had seen them firsthand.
You both just sat in silence for several moments, before he spoke first.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, softly.
"They don't know about the nightmares. I mean, my closer friends do, but those who the nightmares are about, don't. They don't need that."
"Why are they in your nightmares? And why did they look like that?"
"They lost control of their emotions, and their magic overwhelmed them. They weren't in control, when they looked like that. That was their anger, and sadness, their pain, that was in control of them, with their magic creating the ink monsters behind them." You explained, quietly. "I don't blame them, no one can be expected to hold it together for so long, but that doesn't make it any less unpleasant."
"And your cat?"
"I don't know why I have nightmares about him like that." You admitted. "I think it's because I miss him, and I'm scared of what will happen to him without me there."
"How long have you had these nightmares?"
"They started after the first Overblot, that's what they're called," you explained simply, "but they only got worse as more Overblots happened."
"Was there no one you could go to?" You shook your head.
"I couldn't go to Crowley, he was useless," you laughed humorlessly, "the teachers were nice, but they couldn't do anything. I told my friends, and they tried their best, but nothing ever really helped. Grim used to sleep on my bed with me, and that would chase the nightmares away pretty well, but," you trailed off.
"You don't have him with you now, so the nightmares are back with a vengeance?" You nodded, smiling a little at his wording. He wrapped an arm around you. "Do you miss him?"
"I do."
He knew you did, he knew that was a redundant question. But he wanted to hear it from you, as a sort of confirmation. He felt bad that you missed your cat, and he wished he could do something about it, but he knew he couldn't. So you two just sat in silence, comforted by the warmth of the room, and the calm atmosphere around the two of you.
He had always wondered why, or even how, you'd taken his actions in stride. How you'd forgiven him so easily. He knew now, that it was just in your nature after having gone through so much at your last school. He decided in that moment that he'd make an effort to be the person to hold a grudge on your behalf, to let people know that you may have forgiven them, but he certainly hasn't, and he hasn't forgotten what they've done to you. He didn't voice this, but he knew that you knew how he felt.
But for now, you two just sat there, comfortable, and warm. He wanted to apologize, and say he'd do everything in his power to get you your cat, but he didn't want to say that without a guarantee that he could do it. So there you sat, close, and comfortable.
"I'll chase your nightmares away." He offered, just barely a whisper, yet because of your proximity, you heard it.
"Thanks Belphie." You smiled tiredly, happy to hear that he would protect your dreams.
You drifted off not long after, Belphie following close behind. But he kept his word, and your nightmares didn't plague you after that, whenever Belphie could help it.
#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x mc#twst x reader#obey me x mc#my fic#fanfic#imagines#obey me#obey me x reader#obey me lucifer x reader#obey me lucifer x mc#lucifer x reader#lucifer x mc#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me mammon x reader#obey me mammon x mc#mammon x mc#mammon x reader#obey me leviathan#obey me leviathan x reader#obey me leviathan x mc#leviathan x reader#leviathan x mc#obey me asmodeus#obey me asmodeus x reader#obey me asmodeus x mc#asmodeus x reader#asmodeus x mc#obey me satan
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i feel like my best friend and i have ended up in a sort of frodo/sam dynamic. at least for the time being.
recently i've been having trouble with dizziness and nausea and i've completely lost my appetite so i'm eating a lot less than usual (which only creates more dizziness and nausea). it's probably iron deficiency but i won't find out for definite until i get a blood test in like 11 days, and the doctor told me not to take iron supplements until they're prescribed, so i just have to suffer until then :)
anyway, i've met up with my best friend about four times this week, and whenever i've felt The Nausea he's just been an absolute sweetheart about it. he's been really patient, he doesn't mind when i can only respond to his questions with silence, he lets me just chill out when i can't do much in the way of physical activity, and he doesn't judge me for not eating or for being tired. i've been slightly worried about The Nausea making me boring or annoying, and he's always quick to tell me otherwise.
he's actually the one who helped me realise that what i'm experiencing is a bit of a problem, and it's because of him that i asked my mum if we could see a doctor about it. we went out to the pub with two of our other friends a few days ago, and i'd been feeling like shit for most of the day, partly because it was really hot and i'd been doing some manual labour in this community project at midday, but that wasn't the sole cause because i felt like shit when i woke up in the morning. anyway, he and i were hanging out in the car park waiting for our friends to show up, and we were just sitting on the wall and i had my head between my knees, and at one point he asked me, "how dizzy do you feel?" and i said, "idk the normal amount" and he was like, "there is no normal amount, constant dizziness is not normal remy".
anyway my point is, right now i feel like frodo and he's reminding me of sam. which is to say that i'm currently Going Through It and he's doing a wonderful job of taking care of me. and obviously i don't want anything bad to happen to him but if anything does, i hope i can be there for him the way he's there for me.
#i'm really shit at comforting people so i'm kind of mentally taking notes#so that i know what to do when i need to take care of him#or indeed anyone else#but different people need different kinds of help obviously#frodo baggins#sam gamgee#samfro#<- not in a romantic context this time though#i know. shocking.#listen i do normally view that particular pairing through a romantic lens#but seeing as i'm comparing them to me and my best friend#i'm not really using that lens right now#because he and i really are Just Good Friends and i don't want anyone getting the wrong end of the stick
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"aphobia doesn't exist"
bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it
#i did some research about it and found out that the problem was principally that she had previous experience in the romantic area#so people just didn't take her seriously and said she was lying#even though she stated multiple times that she wasn't comfortable in those situations#now things are more calmed but damn#mind your own bussiness#i believe she knows more about herself than you#sorry if i offended you with this comment but i hate how aro/ace/aroace people are always left behind#insulted and rejected because they “dont know what they are talking about”#or because they “just have to wait for the right person”#or because they are “psychopaths and they are missing something”#i love that animator and she helped me realise a lot about myself#and now that i know the context i think i will start making a list and killing aphobes one by one#aromantic#arospec#asexual#aroace#acespec
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house: this has absolutely nothing to do with wilson
also house: [brings up wilson unprompted] [spends 95% of the session either talking about wilson or deliberately avoiding talking about wilson] [literally admits it’s about wilson]
#yes they set it up as though the true root cause was cuddy in the end#but I beg you to consider that 1) house agreed to seriously unpack his feelings of rejection re: wilson in relation to his exacerbated#drinking & the bar fight#and 2) the patient of the week deliberately evoked moments from house’s head/wilson’s heart#with particular emphasis on the brain surgery#which was the one time that wilson ever put house second to someone else#specifically a girlfriend#AKA the exact curveball that house has just been thrown for a second time (albeit in a less grave context)#nolan suggests that house punished the patient’s husband the way he’s punishing himself because they’re both losing someone they love#yes we could assume that his alcoholism was made worse by cuddy and lucas’s commitment#but also… house started drinking himself into blackouts when sam and wilson got together. not when cuddy and lucas got together#which reminds me — the last time that house sought out getting trashed at the bar#was when WILSON AND AMBER GOT TOGETHER. this is a pattern for him.#he goes out and destroys himself when wilson becomes seriously romantically involved. ERGO…. this whole thing WAS abt wilson#I’ve connected the dots#house md#greg house#gregory house#hilson#james wilson#house/wilson#hatecrimes md#that ‘say it’ was literally him asking nolan to call him a f—
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Have we talked yet about how amc Interview With the Vampire is singlehandedly saving the tv slowburn
#me#interview with the vampire#amc iwtv#media studies major time#iwtv#adaptation studies thoughts#I’m not talking about only in a romantic ‘ship’ context#though they are doing that too#I just mean. this is the only show I can think of#currently being produced#that feels unafraid to take its time telling its story#so many tv shows nowadays#especially book-to-screen adaptations#are glorified miniseries#and/or compressing everything into happening quickly#to feed that instant gratification hunger#which to be fair#is not the fault of the cast/crew of the shows for the most part#they’re either being TOLD to prioritize instant audience gratification from higher-ups concerned with profit#OR they’re LEARNING to prioritize the more ‘exciting’ and ‘marketable’ stuff earlier on#bc they know without its draw they stand barely any chance of getting renewed for long enough to tell the full story#anyway. my media studies degree thought of the day.
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what if i said i actually love too weird to live, too rare to die and think it’s underrated. what then.
#idk at least the time i’ve lurked around p!atd fandom stuff it feels like no one ever brought up this album 😭😭#vices and virtues too but at least then there was still leftover ryan ross scraps to hold onto#but like. idk i like the dark las vegas vibes of twtltrtd#i’m not the biggest fan of this is gospel but once you get past it it’s got some bangers ngl#one super minor gripe with the album is that i think the brobecks version of far too young to die is better than the twtltrtd version#it’s minor but it’s true. listen to both versions of the song and you’ll understand#my only real complaints though are just with the lyrical content of girls/girls/boys and casual affair#i like the songs themselves but the lyrics….. who let them cook actually#what was brendon doing. why are you singing about affairs like that whilst you’re a fully married man. ????#but honestly the transition towards the end of the album to more romantic songs is nice#i think it fits well and is a good way to slowly die the energy down without completely squashing it#the end of all things is genuinely a beautiful song but an even more beautiful ending to the album#the lyrics are brendon’s wedding vows and the piano is very nice#i like the effects on the vocals and i think they were a good choice to make everything even more cohesive#it doesn’t take away from the emotional value of the song and it also makes it fit better on the album than if it were just a regular#kind of piano ballad#but then also having collar full be the song leading up to it? even better#i fucking love collar full and agh. having it lead into the end of all things is perfect for it#it’s fun on its own but it’s even better in context i think#anyways. too weird to live too rare to die is an alright pop rock album. go listen to it if you want#me.txt
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Romarriche - “Your company is one of a kind… I would never lie to you. I would never say a half-truth or be quiet.” “What is it in your mind, Merold?” “Hearing your voice, complaint or not—it is music to me either way.” Merold - “If there is one constant in this world… Let it be you.” “You’re the cruelest and the kindest thing that happened to me.” “…If only you continued to look at me like that.” Romarriche - “…Merold?” Merold - “But~ It’s only a minor case of bad-mood-itis.” “So Romarriche, spoil me with a spar, will you?” Romarriche - “Merold.” Romarriche - “Look at me.” Merold - “…” Romarriche - “Is something… Wrong?” Merold - “Instead of a spar…” “I might want to lie down on your lap after all.”
#fragaria memories#merold#romarriche#i wont lie i only had the first line and wanted to write something with it#i was reading this novel and i wanted to write something romantic </3#im gonna babble here on my own so you're always free to skip the tags...#if i remember correctly romarriche and merold were made knights around the same time and I work on that context#i like to think their relationship was rocky at first at romarriche's side who didn't want to befriend merold#compared to merold who thought he finally had a friend his age that was also a knight of fragaria#it was romarriche who looked at merold with a perceived perfection and was compared to him#“...I'll get better and strong. I'll impress everyone so I don't have to hear it--his name repeating over and over again.”#merold who says “if only you continued to look at me like that...” refers back to the past when romarriche didn't think of him favorably#but i like the double meaning to it “please look me as you did before and look at me as you do now”#“cruelest” and “kindest” i was a reading a novel that also used those words so I kinda grabbed from that </3#its really a cute novel though#me reading fragaria memories theories to see if it can at least make sense#i like this but i dont like this at the same time wwww#what does it say about its characters? as a writer i want to care about that because no dialogue should be said without reason#i think this dialogue is perfection but what am i writing this for? who does it refer it? what does it refer to?#but at the end of the day i simply want to indulge myself#something that could sound good and personal and something that could make people who read this smile and myself smile#Merold - “Will you make the promise to never change?”#Romarriche - “Change... But change in what way?”#Merold - “...”#Merold - “Because I'm a knight who fears a lot of things...”#Merold - “And I care about the Romarriche I have now.”#it was never supposed to be detailed but look at me now... </3
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bro amatonormativity and relationship anarchy needs to be like common knowledge for shippers because I literally got like drawn and quartered for critiquing people for shipping a certain ship romantically when it was closer to a qpr. lemme tell u. i awoke some DEMONS. and the responses I got were allos but also OTHER aromantic/aroace people telling me I was 1: making a qpr romance-lite. or. 2: them just saying "oh but.. they had a kid! they said I love you." like HUH
MAN. fandom culture is kind of uniquely intolerable for all the focus on shipping and for all the ways that people invent to get people together they never seem to get around to anything aspec... genuinely you cannot win. if you're romance-repulsed you're inundated with it and if you're romance-favorable you get erased and if you're just trying to aro-fy it you get yelled at by everyone... i stand with you i hear your struggle 🫡
that's so wild though. i will personally say that i have not particularly liked the way that qprs have been framed/discussed in the popular conversations around relationships because of the way that it's usually presented as "you can have a romantic relationship OR a qpr!" which is what i think is people presenting them as romance-lite (the aspec alternative to a romantic relationship rather than something entirely different that exists outside of those frameworks). saying that a romantic relationship should be/is a qpr is. not that. i feel like a lot of this results from the fact that other people's understanding of our community's terms is so limited, so every conversation we have for allo benefit is baby's first relationship anarchy, and then well-meaning aro people jump into conversations with an understanding that's borne from a very basic set of concepts and definitions that isn't equipped to engage with more complex conversations. which isn't their fault really but. imagine a beautiful world where we all actually knew what a qpr was...
anyway i think we have to start eating people. and then we can have the real actual cool conversations about relationships and the different ways in which they appear without people popping up to add unhelpful and uninformed comments </3
#i am thinking ALL the time about what it would be like for everyone to have the necessary context to have deeper conversations actually#to me it is theory. and i have a little project i've been working on for a while that is a collection of all the theoretical concepts#that i feel like are necessary to have those conversations. calling it aro theory...#will keep you all updated about it. the need for that education is so real though#so many posts i make have people misunderstanding them cause they're just actually not ready for those conversations...#post i made about the false dichotomy between romantic and platonic. and how they are not opposites nor the only two options.#and people in the notes going 'yeah platonic relationships are important too!' that's not what the post is about...#anyway. you're god's strongest soldier for being out there in the trenches with this one. stay strong#talking#asks#ask
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Garak seeing Palandine again, with her daughter, is fucking agonizing but this especially-
“Watching Palandine and her daughter defy gravity with their dance of love destroyed all my definitions, and my carefully maintained boundaries began to give way, for the first time since Bamarren, to the magic of limitless possibility. I knew at that moment that I’d never be satisfied again. Even my beloved orchids looked like weeds.”
has me in shambles
#star trek: ds9#a stitch in time#elim garak#fuuuuuck me dude this is painful#and my god does it fucking track with what we know of Garak from the show#Garak knows he is never going to be satisfied#he knows there's no point in wanting or longing#but he's not strong enough to stop himself from wanting#from longing#from craving#and it will be the same later in life#when he knows he doesnt deserve the soft things#the nice things#he still won't be able to deny himself those things#he just isnt strong enough to not go for what he wants#whether or not it will satisfy him#whether or not he deserves it#we see it in his conversations with Julian throughout this book#Garak fully says that their relationship is over- he believes that Julian ended it#but he still goes to him when Julian asks him to#because he wants Julian- and you can take that in any context you want#platonically romantically sexually#he wants Julian#so even though he believes their relationship is over#he still goes#because he wants him#and he cant stop himself from going after what he wants#even if he thinks its futile
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simon peter is the funniest apostle to work with because in theory he's the most loyal, most by-the-book of the apostles so you'd expect him to be the most logical and collected one but 80% of his concerns (pre crucifixion then everything went downhill and they all died) are that he has a crush on every person he encounters
#🧅#im not religious just insane.jpg#true poly disaster. funniest shit ever.#cause yknow simon p's a fisherman he's married he's a very poster family man#and he loves his wife he really does. im not gonna make the only guy who's married fucking Hate his wife and want to like. go have gay sex#instead cause mlm good mlw bad. but he does have his. Issues. concerning how he views women#he's gonna work on that though i'm not leaving him like that don't worry. peter already knew the torah by heart probably for peter turning#to god meant learning how to respect women. and yknow people he considered 'ungodly' in general. to respect humanity as he respects god.#tee hee i love this arc. i love all of them but i dont ever rlly talk abt this one.#but anyways yes he does love his wife.#then some strange guy shows up while he's fishing and he's like follow me son of jonah i will make you a Fisher Of Men. and peter's like#TEE HEE OKAY JESUS i will come fish men with you.#which......okay....simon....... interesting that u wanted to do that..... with zero context....#and then cue weird thing with magdalene. which. they don't end up together by Any Means.#they hate each other. they have not spoken in a civil manner once. but they do have a weird bond between them than only aromantic people#can understand.#WHICH BTW i already knew there's a thin line between polyamory and aromanticism. but it really showed when while trying to#explore how peter experiences polyromanticism i found myself projecting a lot of my own aromanticism on him#(is polyromantic a correct term? i'm not sure these terms really confuse me especially considering the time period cause like. polyamorous#describes a relationship with multiple people which peter obviously wasn't in in 30 AD. but he Did have romantic feelings for multiple#people so is that polyromanticism? or is that a completely different term? idk. bare with me.)#very interesting. anyways yeah there's that. magdalene is aro also to me. so yeah this is one of the most fun dymanics i have in this lore#cause like. polyromantic person and aromantic person somehow having the same mutual not platonic not romantic but a secret third thing#connection with each other. i love thinking about them
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look i haven't seen deadpool and wolverine and won't for another month if i see it at all (i'm not paying for it) so this is all conjecture but i find the fact that its marketing has been heavily focused on implying that deadpool and wolverine are/will be in a relationship, which is like clearly not going to happen this is the mcu lmao, and the fact that it has been pushing this so hard for a character whose queerness has entirely been reduced to essentially making gay jokes for extra edginess points while refusing to ever engage with it more deeply (i admit i haven't seen the first two deadpool movies in several years but he is in a long running relationship with a woman and just like. makes jokes about finding colossus hot to my memory) than that, Not A Good Look, you could say. and like come on it's 2024 this is textbook queerbaiting and for a movie that seems to be pushing its supposed potential queer relationship in all of its marketing all of the jokes have always just felt vaguely homophobic to me. maybe the movie will make me feel differently but like. i highly doubt that
#saw people going 'look how they marketed the movie'! as a gotcha evidence for people not thinking they could be in a relationship#and like. come on. don't do that to me. marketing is not an indicator of the films actual approach to queerness though in this case it#largely all felt played as a joke which is how the films treat it#say what you want about whatever subtext you see in it i'm not going to criticise you but don't give disney points they don't deserve#and like ok i get that i shouldn't be looking for meaningful queerness in fuckin. marvel movies. but they have romantic relationships in#them all the time. DEADPOOL has one. i have lost my ability to give disney any leeway and i am tired and we deserve better than this#neon has thoughts#for additional context: i liked deadpool fine when i was 13 and watching at a friend's at like midnight because it was the first r-rated#movie i think i'd seen. and i have gone from apathy towards wolverine to active dislike. so i really don't care about this movie in the#first place and it just. i respect the shipping whatever i don't care. but it's queerbaiting it's straight up queerbaiting#and i am so tired#like there's queerbait in couple i want to get together is implied to do that and don't. and there's queerbaiting as in deliberate#intentional marketing campaign presenting two characters in a queer context and then proceeding to not do that. maybe it'll surprise me!#but i don't have faith in the deadpool movies or marvel as a whole to do anything even vaguely interesting with it beyond going haha#wouldn't it be funny if these two were dating. haha this is an r rated mcu movie look how edgy we are#hasn't escaped me that the first film to feature prominent marketing reflecting queerness is the first r rated one lmao#beyond the whole disney's first gay cycle
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random thoughts here but while i do like the idea of ns & nwb in a romantic context, i actually enjoy the story more as it is right now. i know people are joking when they say stuff like “haha ns feels bad about hurting nwb because they secretly like him!!!” or whatever, but honestly? to me it always seemed like a really lazy plot point to have someone feel bad about being a bitch just bc they have a crush… sometimes love can lose, actually 👍
#i might be just having an aromantic moment but i just rly enjoy exploring character interactions &#relationships & self-improvement & much more stuff outside of a romantic context#also it just wouldn’t make sense for ns to be into nwb when they literally think he ruined their life👍 i never understood how ppl could make#characters fall for someone they hate. i’m either too autistic or too aromantic for this#but yeah that’s just about what’s currently happening in the story. love can still win in the future#though i think if i’m gonna make it happen it’s gonna be so fucking slow that by the time ns confesses nwb is already overgrown HAUAHWUWJAGE#just kidding…………………… unless (i am)#crammerposting
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2023 reads / storygraph
Small Joys
literary fiction set in 2005 rural south England
follows a depressed/anxious young Black man who’s moved back to his hometown after dropping out of uni, becoming friends with the excessively joyful new flatmate who takes him under his wing
recognising mental health struggles and harmful relationship and finding community and happiness
music, birdwatching
gay MC, ace-coded SC
#small joys#elvin james mensah#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#obv not my usual genre but heard it had an ace char so checked it out (thanks lulu!)#I thought it was very good.#def some dark elements (check CWs) but ultimately happy and hopeful#re: aceness it doesn't label it and does conflate asexuality and aromanticism a bit#but considering the time and context and that it's a subplot not the MC's story that makes sense#I assume he's probably aroace or at the very least doesn't particularly care about romantic relationships#I also like that while the MC is somewhat in love with him he prioritises their friendship and doesn't make a thing about it#They kiss one time but it’s still solidly a friendship - you could maybe read it as a QPR - they don’t label things though#i kept forgetting it was set in 2005 then he’d mention msn or myspace skdhjgkjsf#(also I love a strong accent in an audiobook. even if I have to slow it down from my usual speed to understand lol)#mlm books#asexual books
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Hey, guys, if an artist/writer says “I don’t want to draw/write xyz thing” for whatever reason, maybe just don’t challenge them on it. Like, the person isn’t gonna just throw their hands up in the air and go “oh yes- because you are objectively correct my boundaries are suddenly gone and I’m willing to do it,” they’re probably just gonna get mad at you because their feelings were probably never about objectivity in the first place
#honkai impact#genshin impact#though this was kinda brought on by a recent discussion this post is not solely about it#it’s kinda just been a long time coming#cuz nothing makes me hate a ship more than its avid supporters refusing to leave me alone#I don’t ever want to draw Kaeluc romantically. I don’t like the ship#I know they aren’t technically brothers. I know about the whole sworn siblings thing. I know how it’s used in a romantic context#I simply do not like the pairing#Kaebedo shippers took a ship a used to be completely neutral on and made me hate it by refusing to leave me alone#I’m not drawing any heterosexual Yae content#‘well she’s not canonically a lesbian-‘#I do not care. I read her as lesbian. I’m not drawing her romantically with either Ayato or Kalpas#same thing if the character is either explicitly a minor is implied to be a minor or just looks like a child most of the time#I do not want to deal with those ships#and I refuse to touch legal lolis with a 12ft pole#I get the pushback when people are trying to force their standards/interpretations on people who do like these things#and I am very much pro ‘just mind your own damn business’ on most shipping controversies#but me saying ‘I don’t like this thing’ after being asked to draw it is not a personal attack on you
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let me drop some drama on y’all — in the last year + 7 days, I:
reconnected with multiple friends from high school at a wedding I legally officiated for two old friends
realized in hindsight that I had liked one of our classmates when we were in school, who had attended the wedding and was now recently divorced
started talking to him very often and, by proxy, the husband I officiated the wedding for
started an on-off flirtation with the divorced friend — [clarification: HE started it, but I was very receptive when I realized what he was doing, it just took me a while]
became the “dump my mental health problems” friend for the husband^ who I’ve said is like a baby brother to me for *checks calendar* 12+ years
was accused by my friend’s wife AND the friend that I was flirting with that I was having an affair with the husband or at least harboring romantic feelings for him
she also accused me of behaving like her abusive mother, when I told her she was out of line for even thinking I would have an affair with (1) her husband (2) who I kept saying was like a baby brother to me
held an intervention for the husband about his ragingly out of control anxiety, where he proceeded to, like, beat the windows of the car and yell and be violent [not at me but around me and I was very triggered and scared] — after which he said he couldn’t trust me anymore because I was projecting my anxiety onto him, and he was fine
fell into an episode of psychosis because I was surrounded by people who didn’t trust me for reasons they’d all made up in their heads, and were all mad at me for ❤️
[while in psychosis] dealt with the guy I was flirting with talking about wanting to sleep with his coworker, and being very on/off + hot/cold with me — which I wrote off as post-divorce emotional problems I just needed to be patient through lmao
[while in psychosis] dealt with the husband’s mental breakdown about never wanting to get married in the first place, dragging my family and the family of the guy I was flirting with into the mess — we got the husband pink slipped and I stopped talking to him and his wife
was told by the friend that had been flirting with me that he’d been leading me on, as he proceeded to ditch me for another friend that I helped him reconnect with — but promised me that we were besties and nothing would change!! (how kind. also? he broke that promise immediately and called me difficult)
dealt with his new girlfriend lying to me about them not being together, because no!! hoes before bros, Alex, I would never date someone who hurt my friend!! but also you need to be personally accountable for feeling hurt!!
there’s more in the way they’ve both treated me since he decided he was done with me, but my therapist and I are still parsing through it
turns out I probably don’t need to be taking Ativan twice a day and sleeping after work + all night bc of the high dosage, I just needed to start cutting out bad friends! my anxiety has never been more managed now that I’ve decided to listen to every other friend that’s told me these ones were all no good for me! I do need the anti-psychotics, though. I heard voices for 2 months and it was NOT a good time.
I didn’t have this much drama in my life ten years ago when we were actual children — the next time I start posting about liking a man, someone remind me that it brings me absolute misery. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t wanted to hop on his dick 🙄🙄🙄
#personal#tumblr is my petty platform and also my journal#but I’m serious about someone needing to remind me that men in a romantic context brings me nothing but trouble#the first time I’d been psychotic was a man’s fault too — I will NOT be happy if I have another episode#you might be wondering what the husband was doing about the affair accusations. the answer? needling me about my relationship to the other#we sat in the ER and I went from him saying sooooooooo you and [name]?#to then being kicked out of the room and the aide being like wow I bet you’re really glad this guy’s marriage is falling apart#also he was having an emotional affair with someone younger in his classes <3 so his wife SHOULDVE been worried#but not because of me who was CLEARLY trying to hop on this stupid emotionally unavailable dick and NOT her husbands#but now he has a girlfriend and doesn’t respond to my messages so what a giant waste of time lmao I didn’t even get to keep a friend in thi#there’s a lot of relief that we never slept together though. I don’t… think he wanted to but I sure did#if we had it would have hurt so much more when he dropped me#silver linings I guess#anyway the actual takeaway here is if you didn’t sustain interaction with them after graduation DONT reconnect#those doors closed for a reason#let them stay shut
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