#<- just created this so i can do this once a month :)
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Nothing Has Changed - 16
Summary: Returning home for peace, you're faced with your tormentor, Bucky Barnes, who is now involved in your family's business.
Character: Bucky Barnes
Warning: Angst, Tragedy.
Nothing Has Changed - Series Masterlist
Main Masterlist || support: Ko-fi
Thank you to anyone who gave a like, reblog, and left a comment. It motivated me to write more. 💖💖💖
The moment you heard the words, it felt like a bolt of lightning striking your chest.
“What happened?” Your voice was sharp with urgency.
The gallery owner sighed. “He was in a car accident. Wrong time, wrong place. He was crossing the street when a car—stolen by a thief trying to escape the police—came speeding through.”
Your stomach twisted. “Is he okay?”
“To an outsider, he looks fine. But for an artist?” He shook his head grimly. “It’s a career suicide.”
Dread pooled in your gut. “His hands?”
He gave a small nod, confirming your worst fear. “We love his work—it’s been bringing in so many new visitors.” His expression darkened. “But sadly, we had to terminate his contract.”
Your brows furrowed. “There was another contract?” This was the first time you’d heard of it. You only knew that Steve had been accepted as a resident artist for the gallery.
“Yeah. The response to his work was incredible, and we were grateful you introduced him to us. That’s why we signed a long-term contract with him. The gallery was going to act as his agency—promoting his work worldwide. In return, he was supposed to produce new pieces regularly.”
Your heart clenched. “Can’t you give him another chance?”
“We did.” He exhaled heavily. “But then the doctor told us it would take at least six months for him to recover. Meanwhile, the contract had already started, and he was expected to create at least three new pieces each month.”
Your mind raced. Four months. That was too long in their eyes—but to Steve, it was everything.
“I have to go. Which hospital is he in?”
Once you had the address, you wasted no time.
The hospital smelled like antiseptic and sterilized air, a suffocating mix. As you stepped into the room, your breath caught in your throat.
Steve lay on the hospital bed, looking pale and exhausted. His once-strong hands, the hands that had brought so much beauty into the world, now rested limply on the blanket. His eyes flickered open, widening slightly when he saw you standing there.
A weak, surprised chuckle escaped him. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I’m so sorry.”
His brows knitted together. “Why are you apologizing? None of this is your fault.” He let out a short laugh, then winced, the pain cutting it short.
Your chest ached at the sight of him like this. This wasn’t just an injury—it was a slow death for someone like him. Not being able to paint was killing him.
Steeling yourself, you stepped closer. “Don’t worry. I know a doctor who can help you.”
His expression darkened. “Don’t bother.” He turned his gaze to the ceiling, his voice hollow. “I believe this is my karma. Like the others. It’s my turn now.”
His words sent a chill down your spine.
His turn for what?
“Karma? No. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Steve let out a hollow chuckle, shaking his head. “No, Y/N. This is my karma. This is why I was always afraid to leave town. I was afraid something would happen to me… just like it happened to the others.”
A chill ran down your spine. “The others? What do you mean?”
Steve fell silent, his jaw tightening. His fingers twitched against the hospital sheets as if he were peeling back an old wound, one he had buried deep. Finally, he exhaled sharply.
“We were terrible to you back then.”
Your chest tightened at the words. Yes. They were. But what did that have to do with this?
“Yes, you guys were,” you admitted, your voice steady. “But what does that have to do with any of this?”
His eyes darkened. “Punishment. That’s what I’d call it. We got punished for what we did to you.”
Your stomach churned. “We? Punished?”
He nodded. “We—Natasha, Thor, and now me. It was only a matter of time before my turn came.”
The weight of his words pressed down on you.
“Natasha… After graduation, she got a modeling contract. Big agencies, photoshoots, runway shows—she even walked at NYFW. She was on the rise. A new star from our town.” He paused, his expression tightening. “Until her name got dragged into a scandal. A photographer she worked with was exposed for predatory behavior. She got labeled a ‘yacht girl.’”
Your brows furrowed.
“Nobody wanted to work with a model tied to a criminal. And with the whole ‘Me Too’ movement gaining momentum, she was blacklisted overnight.”
You swallowed hard, processing his words.
“And Thor?” you asked.
Steve scoffed. “That guy thought he had it all. He got into NASCAR, won a few races. But then? He crashed. Messed up his legs. Ended his career before it even really started.”
Your chest tightened again, but not out of sympathy. You knew what he was saying—what he believed. And you didn’t believe a word of it.
“And now it’s my turn,” Steve muttered, trying to push himself up in bed. His hands trembled from the effort. “Just like Natasha and Thor… in the end, I ended up back here.”
“Steve,” you murmured, your heart twisting at the look on his face.
He let out a bitter laugh. “Seems like Bucky got the best out of all of us. He’s rich. He helped your dad. Life worked out for him.”
You clenched your fists.
“Steve, that’s ridiculous,” you said firmly. “If this is karma, then does that mean I was ‘punished’ when the FBI raided me? No. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
He didn’t answer.
“And as for Natasha and Thor?” You exhaled sharply. “They got what they deserved. But you? No, Steve. You don’t deserve this.”
Your chest ached as you looked at him—really looked at him. He had finally made it out, just like you. And deep down, you had been rooting for him all along.
You inhaled deeply, steadying yourself. “Gather your things. We’re moving you to a better hospital. I know a doctor who can actually help.”
Steve blinked up at you in surprise. “Y/N, you’ve already helped me so much—”
“Shut up.” You cut him off, crossing your arms. “Steve, listen to me. I have a bad feeling about this. And I’m going to find out the truth.”
He stared at you for a long moment before sighing. “Oookayy…”
🌸🌸🌸🌸
You wasted no time bringing Steve to see Tim—the famous orthopedic doctor, well-known among A-list celebrities.
As soon as you stepped into his office, Tim’s lips curled into an easy smile. “Well, well, if it isn’t my favorite fund manager.” His tone was warm, teasing. Then his gaze shifted to Steve. “And you must be the patient.”
Steve shifted awkwardly, clearly overwhelmed. He had never expected you to go this far to find him a top doctor.
You wasted no time. “Tim, here’s the case.” You handed him the medical records. “The doctors at the previous hospital took forever to give Steve a proper diagnosis. And this is all they gave us.”
Tim hummed as he flipped through the files, scanning the information with a sharp, discerning gaze. Then, he turned to Steve, his expression unreadable. Gently, he reached out and pressed against Steve’s injured hand.
Steve winced but didn’t pull away.
“That’s strange,” Tim muttered. “According to this report, you won’t be able to use your hand for at least six months. But looking at it closely…” He rotated Steve’s wrist slightly, testing the movement. “You just need about a month.”
“HUH?!” Steve’s head snapped up, eyes wide in disbelief.
Tim barely reacted to Steve’s shock. Instead, he frowned slightly, tapping the file with his fingers. “The doctor who examined you… Hmm.” His curiosity was piqued.
A bad feeling stirred in your gut. “Do you know who he is?” you asked.
Tim let out a slow exhale, shaking his head. “This guy? He nearly had his medical license revoked. He’s notorious for fabricating patient records.”
A chilling silence filled the room. It was as if someone had dumped ice-cold water over you and Steve.
Steve let out a deep breath, tension leaving his shoulders. “So I’m not as bad off as I thought.” Relief washed over him.
You, however, felt something else entirely. A slow, burning anger settled in your chest. This was just like your father’s case. Lies. Manipulation. Someone using their position to control people’s lives.
You swallowed back the fury, forcing yourself to focus. “I’m glad I brought him here.” Your voice was firm as you looked at Tim. “Please, do whatever you can to heal my friend.”
Tim gave a reassuring nod. “Of course.”
Steve turned to you, his eyes filled with something unspoken—gratitude, maybe even something deeper. “Thank you,” he said, his voice quieter than before. “You keep helping me again and again.”
You managed a small smile. “Get better, Steve.” Then, your expression hardened. “And there’s one thing I need you to do.”
“Just tell me.”
Your next words came without hesitation. “Don’t ever go back home. Ever.”
Steve froze.
“I mean it,” you pressed. “I have a bad feeling about this. And I won’t let my father go back either.”
Before Steve could respond, your phone vibrated in your pocket. You glanced at the screen—Allan.
You stepped aside, answering quickly. “Yes, Allan?”
There was a pause before his voice came through. “I have the results.”
Your breath hitched. You had been waiting for this. The test results for your father.
“How is it?” you asked, bracing yourself.
Allan hesitated. “He doesn’t have cancer.”
For a moment, your mind went blank. He doesn’t have cancer. The weight pressing against your chest lifted slightly—only for it to come crashing down again with Allan’s next words.
“But he’s dying.”
The room felt like it was closing in on you. “…What?”
“The medication he was given—it destroyed his kidneys. He needs surgery as soon as possible.”
Your grip on the phone tightened. Your knuckles turned white.
Tony. That damn liar.
Your father was never sick. He was never dying from cancer. He had been fooled—poisoned, even. And you were too late to stop it.
Your voice came out low and cold. “Do whatever you have to do, Doc. I trust you.”
“I will.”
The call ended.
You stood there, gripping the phone so tightly your hands shook. Anger simmered beneath your skin, boiling over into something uncontrollable. You were furious—furious at yourself for not figuring it out sooner. Furious at that bastard doctor who had fed your father poison disguised as medicine. Furious that your father had suffered for nothing.
That small town has brought nothing but misery to you and your dad.
Your nails dug into your palm.
Your phone buzzed in your hand, the screen flashing with an incoming call. Ransom.
You answered quickly. "Hey…" His voice came through the line, slightly muffled by background noise. “Guess where I’m going?”
Something about his tone put you on edge. “Where are you?” you asked, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling creeping up your spine.
“To your hometown.”
Your breath caught in your throat.
“Why?” Your voice came out sharper than you intended, laced with panic.
“There’s a proposed hospital project there. They want to build a road alongside it, and the mayor called us. He’s interested in taking out a loan from us.” Ransom’s voice was casual, like this was just another business deal.
But to you, it was anything but.
“Ransom!”
“Yeah?” He sounded amused. “Why are you screaming?”
Your grip on the phone tightened. “Don’t go there.”
Ransom chuckled, oblivious to the sheer dread seeping into your voice. “Too late for that. The mayor already sent his people to pick me up. Even sent a helicopter.”
Your stomach twisted. “Who did he send?”
There was a pause. Then, Ransom’s voice dropped slightly, as if he was taking a closer look. “His name is James Barnes.”
Your heart stopped.
Ransom glanced over at the man already seated inside the helicopter, his presence commanding even from a distance. Bucky Barnes.
The moment the call ended, fear crashed over you like a tidal wave.
Real, bone-deep fear.
You didn’t just not want Ransom to go.
You needed him not to go.
But it was too late.
And that terrified you.
@winterslove1917
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A Night To Remember (Evan Buckley x SingleMom!Reader)
word count: 2267
warnings/tags: single mom reader, a child, v light angst, unspecified reason for father’s absence (let you mind run wild), as always if I’ve missed anything lmk
note: not entirely happy about this but I really wanted to do this concept also sorry if your name is Evie I tried to use a name I liked but something I don’t see most people have
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Your daughter had hopped in the backseat without her usually greeting. With you she was a chatterbox, rambling about her day and what her friends did during school. With new people, she was shy. She’d hide behind your legs as you introduced her to strangers. She takes a while to open up but once she comes out of her shell, she’s a social butterfly.
You’re not sure why she’s so quiet now and she won’t tell you. She sits in the back seat, feet still as her favorite song plays, a pout on her lips as she looks out the window.
You’re worried. Worried that maybe someone had bullied her or that she’d gotten into trouble somehow. No, the school would’ve called.
You make your way home, opening her door to help her out. She hops out and doesn’t hold your hand as you make your way into the complex.
“Did something happen at school?” You inquire.
She shakes her head as you unlock your door. She runs inside and kicks her shoes off, creating a tripping hazard. You figure it’s better to not poke the bear right now and don’t remind her of the rules to put her shoes on the shoe rack.
“Can I do my homework after dinner?” She finally speaks.
“Are you sure? Buck’s coming over, I thought you guys were going to play that new board game he got for you?” You help her take her back pack off.
“I want to go to my room.” She mumbles.
“You don’t want your after school snack? I was going to make you some celery and apples with peanut butter.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Babe, what’s wrong?” You kneel down to her height, brushing hair from her forehead.
“Nothing!” She pushes your hand and runs to her room, door slamming behind her.
You decide to give her some space as you take the groceries out that you bought for dinner. Your mind races with what you could have done to upset her.
Buck arrives about an hour later. His smile drops when he sees the stressed look on your face. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
You usher him in and pull him in for a hug. “It’s Evie.” You whisper though you know she can’t hear. “She was quiet the whole ride home and then when we got home, she bolted to her room.”
“Let me go say hi, I’ll be back to help set the table.” He smiles. He makes his way through the apartment to her room.
He knocks twice before opening the door just a crack. “Evie? It’s Buck. I just wanted to say hi and let you know dinner is ready.”
He hears her sniffles. “Come in.”
He smiles despite hearing that she’s been crying. When they first met, she was too shy to even look at him but over the last few months they’ve became besties. Buck of course spoils her and she loves it.
“Hey, you having a bad day?” He softly asks. She nods, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand and putting her pencil down on her open folder which lays on her lap.
Buck gets onto his knees at the side of her bed. “Wanna tell me what happened?” He brushes her hair away from her face and pulls it back behind her shoulders.
Instead of talking, she pulls a pink flyer from behind the worksheet she was writing on. She hands it to Buck.
Elementary School Father Daughter Dance
Saturday February 1st at 6pm
Gymnasium
Please purchase tickets by January 29th. $15 per pair
Dinner | Dancing | Games
“You’re upset because you want to go to this?” He clarifies. She nods.
“My friend Tammy said she’s going with her daddy and my other friend Julie doesn’t have a dad like me but she’s going with her older brother.” Her lip wobbles. “I don’t have anyone to go with.”
“Hmmm. And you don’t want to go with mom?”
“Mommy is a girl.”
“Some people have two mommies instead of a mommy and a daddy and some people have two daddies.” He informs her.
“How does that work?”
“Okay maybe I should let your mom have that talk with you.” He rubs the back of his neck. “How about we go eat dinner and we can show mom the flyer? And if she is okay with it and you’re okay with it, I can go with you.”
“You’ll go with me? Even if you’re not my daddy?”
“Yeah, I’d love to take you. I’m not a good dancer though.” He warns.
“Thank you! Thank you!” She squeals, leaping forward to hug him.
Buck rubs her little back, pulling her up as he stands. “You ready to eat?”
She nods and rests her head on his shoulder as Buck hands her the flyer to hold.
You’re already serving three plates when they come out. You’re smiling when you see that Buck’s gotten her out of her mood.
“Everything good?” You raise a brow at him as you set a fork down by each plate.
“Yes mommy. I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier.” She wiggles down Buck’s front and runs to your side. She hugs your legs, the flyer crinkling against your thighs.
“What’s that you got there?” You point to the paper. She steps back and looks to Buck who nods at her, encouraging her to discuss the dance with you.
You read over the paper and look at her. “I want to go with Buck, pleaseeee.”
“So, this is why you were upset?” You place a hand, palm up, under her chin. “Did you ask Buck already to go with you?” She nods.
“If you’re okay with it, I’d be happy to take her.” He steps in.
“You’d do that?” You look at him, eyes glossy. “It’s not too much to ask?”
“Of course not. It’s important to her and you’re both important to me.” He opens the fridge and gets the juice and two water bottles out.
“Then I guess it’s a date.” You shrug, leaning down to kiss Evie’s forehead.
When dinner is over, Buck helps Evie finish her homework sheets. She’s too burnt out from excitement and her earlier crying that she heads to bed early.
She’s old enough to dress herself and brush her teeth, only asking for help putting the toothpaste on the brush.
After Buck helps her off the step stool, he helps tuck her into bed as you fix her nightlight. She falls asleep with a smile on her face, excited to tell her friends that she will be going to the dance.
You and Buck settle into your bed, changed into pajamas and comforted pulled down the bed.
“Buck?” You ask, nervously, as you slip into your side of the bed.
He hums, fluffing the pillow he always uses when he sleeps over.
“You sure you’re okay with taking Evie to the dance? I know we haven’t really talked about your role in her life. I’m not saying I’m expecting you to be her father or stepfather or anything like that and I know you said you were okay with me having a kid. I guess I’m just worried I’m forcing you to take on responsibility.”
“Breathe baby.” He leans into the bed, crawling closer to the middle. “You’re not forcing me to do anything. I love being with you and being your boyfriend and yes you have a daughter but that doesn’t bother me. I love spending time with you both. I like being part of your family.”
“You’re so sweet. I just don’t want you to feel trapped.”
“Don’t.” He shakes his head. “Don’t even think like that. I’m honored that she wants me to go with her and I’m grateful you’re letting me part of her and your life. Okay?” He holds your face in his hands. “I love you.”
“I love you. You’re too good to us.”
“Stop.” He feels a blush creeping up onto his neck.
Just days before the dance, you all go to the mall so that Buck and Evie can get matching outfits.
She’s very adamant about wearing a red dress and requires Buck to wear something red too.
Buck had decided to get ready before he came over for the dance. He also stopped to run some errands before coming over.
Evie had asked you to do her hair and if she could wear makeup. You settled for some sheer lip gloss to satisfy her.
She was pacing the living room. “Mommy! Buck is going to be late.”
“Babe, the dance is in an hour. He’s on his way.” You laugh, pouring yourself something to drink. “Just sit in the couch and relax.”
“I can’t relax! I’m so excited.” She jumps up and down. Buck knocks on the door and she runs. “He’s here! He’s here! Can I open the door?”
“Just this once.” You follow her, standing behind her.
When she opens the door, Buck stands there looking handsome as always. He’s holding a small bouquet of flowers, a pink heart balloon, and a small teddy bear.
“Ah!” Evie screams, holding her hands out for her gifts.
“Hi! You look so pretty.” He kisses her forehead. She giggles and runs to put her gifts on her bed. “She gets it from her mom.”
“You’re a smooth talker, Buck.” You grin at him. “And where’s my gift?”
“Right here.” He winks and pulls you into him by your waist. His lips meet yours in a passionate kiss. You only break away when Evie clears her throat.
“You should’ve seen her. She was more nervous than I was for our first date.” You laugh.
“Is that so?” He picks her up. “No need to be nervous little lady. We’re going to have a great night!”
“You’ll dance with me and my friends?” She pokes at his cheek.
“Of course, we’ll dance all night.” He kisses her cheek.
You kiss them both goodbye and assure Buck you’ll keep your ringer on in case he needs anything.
Buck is a gentleman as always as he opens the door for her both in the car and at the school. Her hand clings to his and he can see the nerves in her little eyes as she looks around the gym.
Her eyes widen and she taps Buck’s side, pointing at her friend Tammy who is sitting at a table with her father. Buck guides her over to the table and asks if they can join them. Buck makes small talk with the man as the kids show each other their dresses and sparkly shoes.
When it’s time, Buck helps serve Evie and helps tuck a napkin into her neckline. He’s at her beck and call, getting her cups of punch and cookies from the dessert table.
They end up winning one of the games due to Buck’s competitive nature. They win gift certificates for a local ice cream shop and promise to go next weekend. They then spend the night dancing (jumping and twirling) to pop music.
Buck’s burnt out, he thinks he might be more tired than a shift at the station. He’s sent you loads of videos and pictures throughout the night, even FaceTimed you to show you the decorations.
Your heart has swelled up with joy and love for your daughter and for Buck. It’s been hard for both of you without her father so her being able to have this experience makes you so happy. And Buck, I mean how could you not love him even more after this? He went out of his way to create a special experience for her without hesitation.
Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear the front door open, having just given Buck a spare key. You both shared an emotional moment when you gave it to him but it was bound to happen sooner or later and you felt the sooner the better.
You click the volume to mute and stand from the couch just as he’s approaching. He looks beat and tired with droopy eyes but he carries Evie’s sleeping form. Though she’s asleep, she holds onto him for dear life.
“Hey.” You whisper and lean up to kiss him. “I can take her.”
He shakes his head, “I got her. Let’s tuck her in. She’ll be too sleepy for a bath.”
You nod and plan to get her all washed up first thing in the morning. You help pull the blankets from her bed as Buck lays her down. You both take one foot each and unbuckle her shoes. He hands you the shoe and you place them in her closet.
After a kiss to the forehead and a flick of the nightlight, you both exit. Buck wraps his arms around you, his chest resting against your back. He tucks his chin into your neck.
“Sleepy?”
“Yes.” He groans. “I have not danced that much since I was a kid. But I had so much fun, she’s such a good kid. You’re such a good mom.”
You blush, cheeks flaming. “She is. Thank you for doing this.” You’re glad he can’t see your face. You’re about to burst into tears.
“I love doing stuff like this for her. And for you. You deserve a night for just you and to not worry about doing all this alone.”
“I love you, you know that?” You turn in his arms.
“Don’t cry.” He urges, hands rubbing up and down at your sides before his thumb wipes a stray tear on your cheek. “I love you. I’ll be here for you both. Always.”
─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───
#911 abc#911 x you#evan buckley x reader#911 x reader#evan buckley#evan buckley x you#evan buckley x y/n
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TimKon clone baby au but Tim heals after creating the baby.
Tim disappears after achieving Bruce back from the time stream, well he sent the information on how to get Bruce back from the tim stream rather.
The fight with Ra's, the LOA, all that happens, except, once he's fixed up, he leaves. Drops off the radar.
He's still severely unstable. Almost as if he's catatonic.
But he makes it to the lab, freeing the growing baby from the green liquid, grabbing the thing no, girl, this baby, his baby, was a girl.
He has a daughter.
Daughters are the most precious thing the world can offer.
He now has the most precious thing in the world. The most precious little girl he's ever looked at.
Hell hath no fury like a mother without a child.
So Tim drops off the radar. He goes somewhere secluded, cheap, and away from crime and heroism.
He raises his daughter, he fixes himself, he learns, she learns, he grows, and she grows up.
While he's being the best most doting dad in the world to his daughter, little Mary-Jane Drake-Wayne(-Kent), the Bats, with the newly returned Bruce, look for Tim.
Kon and Bart, who returned from the dead, also look for Tim.
Kon, of course, was the one who finds Tim first. Tim and a baby. An 8 month old baby.
This baby has fair skin, wavy bed headed locks, and bright blue eyes. This baby was on her stomach with her head up, hair standing up all over the place, looking at Kon, while snuggled in the crook of Tim's arm.
Tim was sleeping, legs curled up on his side with his arm out underneath the baby girl and his hand resting on her back.
"Ah"
The sound of the baby's voice snaps Kon's attention to her. She's so small and yet so big. Since when did Tim have a kid? And with who?
Tim stirs awake slowly and Kon holds his breath.
"Mmm.. MJ, what are you doing up so early, sweetie?"
Tim turns on his back, putting the baby called MJ(who is in the most adorable Superboy onsie ever) on his stomach.
Mj doesn't turn her head to him, eyes still transfixed on Kon's figure.
Tim turns to look over and sits up, pulling MJ closer to him chest, hugging her tight, and pulls a knife out from under the bed, backing up towards the wall.
"Hey, hey, it's just me, Tim."
"N-No! I don't know who you are, but you aren't Kon!"
It pains Kon to hear that.
"It is me."
Tim shakes his head.
"If it really was you, you'd tell me something only him and I know.
"One time, when we were on Young Justice, you almost gave away your secret identity to me before Batman said you could, but you did it anyways."
Tim seemed to calm at that. He slowly puts the knife down, and back where it was.
"H-how?"
"Tim travel stuff. Was with the Legion of Heroes in the future recovering for a bit before they sent me back."
That would explain it.
Tim slowly scooted off the bed, standing, but not letting go of his baby. God his baby.
They stand in silence for a while longer, looking between each other, and Kon between Tim and MJ.
"Who's the mother?"
He asks. He's not sure why he did. Why would he care?
Tim seems taken aback by the question. But he avoids it, smoothly, as if he was preparing for this scenario, in this way or another, to happen.
"You can join us for breakfast."
Kon agrees.
The kitchen is small.
It has a counter island protruding from the wall acting as both a counter space island and a table. There were two chairs at it, plus a high chair.
"Sit here, baby."
Kon hears Tim whisper to MJ as he sets her down in the high chair.
She fusses very little as she gets buckled in. She settles just as fast when Tim gives her a toy. It makes noises as she swings it around, smiling brightly.
She has Tim's smile. Kon thinks distantly, looking at the way her cheeks squished and her gummy smile showed. The dimpled weren't Tim's, though.
When Kon looks at Tim, he doesn't know what to expect. Tense? Sure. Shaking? Maybe.
He wasn't expecting Tim to be smooshing bananas in a bowl with a fork, putting a baby spoon in it and putting it in front of MJ for her to eat, all with a small smile on his face.
A smile he's never seen before. It's domestic. Motherly sort of domestic. His eyes are crinkled, his smile is so full of love for the little baby laughing and making a mess of her face, chair, clothes, and bib while she ate mushed bananas.
"Tim.."
Tim's smile falls shortly down, if he wasn't watching all that closely he wouldn't have seen it.
"What do you want for breakfast?"
"... Pancakes, if that's alright.."
Tim nods, turning and grabbing an apron, putting it on.
The apron said "World's Best Housewife" on it.
He grabbed a bowl, a pan, flour, eggs, oil, butter, milk, and chocolate chips and whatever else.
He made the batter, started up the heat on the gas stove, then added the batter, before plating and placing the pancakes, three on each. Syrup sat in the middle, which both of them drowned their pancakes in.
They started eating in silence next to each other. MJ's baby noises were the only thing that kept the silence even remotely tolerable.
"She's a clone..."
Tim started.
He looked at Tim shocked. Of course he was shocked. She was a clone!
"...Of us.."
Kon's heart stopped beating for a second. If the white noise generator wasn't going off somewhere in the house, he was sure he could hear Tim's heart beating really fast.
"...that I made."
Kon's world took a turn.
Tim Drake, his best friend, his Robin, someone he had confided in about his upbringing as a clone, made MJ out of both of their DNA in a lab as a clone.
"What."
He no longer felt hungry. He felt.. He didn't know what he felt. There were so many mixed emotions going through him right now.
Anger? His best friend cloned him after he told him how he hated being cloned.
Joy? He has a daughter. A daughter Tim made. Why did Tim make her?
"It was a hard time for me. I lost you, Bart, my dad, and then Bruce. I tried to clone you and Bart, and I had the bright idea of adding my DNA to the mixture when cloning you. It worked, and now she's here, and I'm here, and.. you're back."
He said it as if he didn't want Kon back.
Kon was about to speak up when Tim beat him to it.
"It's great that you're back, Kon, but I broke your trust and promise by making her. But she's my kid, so you don't have to stay, you can leave. I'm fine right where I'm at and I'm not going back, to the Bats, to the Waynes, to no one. Not even for you."
For the first time since their first meeting that morning, Tim looked at Kon. His eyes held such fierce determination, love, and compassion in them. All those felt for MJ, not for him.
What did he even say to that. What did he even do.
MJ was his kid too, right? She was a clone of Kon and him, so that makes her his child as much as Tim's, no?
Would Tim even let him be her other dad? Did he even want to be her other dad?
He did.
Lex and Clark didn't treat him like their son and he was their *technical* kid. He wanted oh so desperately to have parents that loved him, he wanted to give MJ that since he didn't get that.
She didn't deserve it. She was just a baby. A baby Tim made out of grief for him dying.
"What's her name?"
He asks instead of everything else.
".. Mary-Jane."
Tim answers after his initial shock at the question.
Tim turns back to her, seeing her finished with the bananas, now content playing with her toy while she stares at her father.
Tim takes the bowl and goes to put it and the plates in the sink, then cleans MJ up and the chair before extracting her and heading over to the diaper changing table in another room to change her diaper.
The door was still ajar so he could see Tim change her diaper and clothes and hear as she giggled while her father cooed at her and poked at her nose and belly and kissed her face.
I should be doing that too.
"Tim."
He calls when Tim walks back out.
Tim stops right outside the room's door, holding MJ, Mary-Jane, in his hip. She was now in a light blue little blouse and denim blue jean skirt with cute ruffled socks and a little bonnet.
"Can I.. I want to.."
He couldn't form his question.
"Could I be her other father?"
He blurts out instead.
They both stare at each other for what felt like the longest time of Kon's life.
"Really?"
Tim finally asks.
He nods, pushing his lips in a thin line and furrowing his brows, expecting a no for an answer.
"Okay."
"What?"
"I said, okay."
Kon looked bewildered despite hearing his answer.
"I know you, Kon. I know how you felt about Clark and Lex when it came to parenting, I expected this, actually. You want to be there for her, unlike they were with you. I had time to think about it these past few months."
That actually.. made sense, but it didn't at the same time.
Tim motioned for Kon to follow as he sat down on the couch. Kon sat next to him.
"Want to hold her?"
He nodded immediately, and was given MJ before he could finish.
She was small, so very light in his arms as she stared up at him with those big blue beautiful eyes, his eyes.
"She helped me, ya know."
Kon looked at him, adjusting his hold on her so she could hold his finger.
Tim watched her intently.
"I was in a really dark place when I had her, when we first came here. I didn't know what to do, but I knew I had to take care of her. But I knew I couldn't with how I was. So I got better, for her. She helped me. I've been clean, I've been taking care of myself, eating 3 meals a day, cleaning the house, raising her, taking medicine, regularly working out, meditating, sleeping a full 8 hours, and napping with her."
He paused to get a breath in.
"I don't regret it, leaving, going off the radar. I've never been more healthy and more stress free, and more alive in my life."
"I'm never going back."
Kon leaves it at that.
He doesn't know much about what happened, but he doesn't care anymore. This is his family. And he isn't going to leave it.
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Cookies & Promises
➸ Pairing: Idol BF! Nishimura Riki x Reader
➸ Word Count: 1.5k words
➸ Synopsis: Baking and a clingy boyfriend who rarely got to see you— combining the two creates a chaos, and you wouldn't have it any other way.
➸ Warnings: tooth rotting fluff, some curse words, riki is sososososo clingy here, riki and niki used interchangeably. enjoy reading guys!
➸ Songs to play as you listen!
Junny - Promise
Johnny Stimson - Casual
New West - Lovely
Taylor Swift - Say Don't Go
Enhypen - XO
●・○・●・○・●●・○・●・○・●●・○・●・○・●●・○・●・○・●
Nishimura Riki always found a way to touch you.
It hardly mattered when the occasion was odd, or the crowd was rowdy and bustling. Subtly, Niki just somehow always found a way to come to contact with your skin.
Perhaps it is because his love language revolves around it Though he hates the idea of over the top physical affection in public, he truly does revel and thrive in the subject once the two of you are alone.
Like this very moment right now.
A particular Saturday night, after the two of you had gone for early dinner, you decided make some cookies as a dessert. Riki had gone over to your house, as he'd often do when he wasn't out doing idol business, practicing, or training.
Which is, in all honesty— is rare.
Thus, the reason for him lazing around your house all day and sharing nothing but movies, games, food, and laughter the last couple of hours. This particular night, however, was the first time you got to see each other again after a week of him being away.
And following this event, you supposed you wouldn't see him again for as long as a month or so as they are to be in tour.
It explains the reason why as you prepped the ingredients needed for the cookies and scurried around the kitchen, Niki had you in a back hug the entire time.
It didn't help the fact that his head was on your shoulder, too. Peppering soft and gentle kisses around your nape, neck, collarbone, and cheeks, occasionally.
"Riki, baby, can you let go for a bit? It's hard baking these cookies." You reason, as you set a carton of milk atop the table. Niki only hums, pulling you closer to his chest.
"Why?" He mumbles, low and gentle against your ear.
"What do you mean, why? You're like a clingy little koala! I might not get anything done at this rate!" Truth be told, you did love it when Niki was needy like this, acting like such a baby when in front of the cameras, he was but a "tough boy".
"I can help you with that..." Niki suggests, swaying the two of you side to side. You giggled, "Yes, you will! If only you let go of me and—"
All of a sudden, Niki turns you around and envelops you with his arms once more. It comfortably tightened around your neck, and you came to catch a whiff of his perfume you can recognize miles away.
"Baby, why do you want me to let go so bad? Do you not miss me?"
Niki says, as if you were dismissing him. His tone was rather teasing, "W-what? Of course I do!"
"Then it's okay if I cling to you while you bake?"
With a slight groan, you reluctantly agreed to his antics and turn around. Baking cookies had always been a simple task, which is bound to get tedious now as a Nishimura Riki now clings to you like a little koala bear.
Your ingredients were all complete and arranged, you grabbed a bowl to put the dry ingredients first, and a separate ones for the wet ingredients. All the while, Niki would do just about anything and everything to get you to pay attention to him.
Poking your cheek repeatedly, "Hey! Shh. Stop that." You turn to look at him, to which he only grins.
Then, taking one of the ingredients, "Where's the egg?"
Niki taps you in the shoulder, turns around, and with full confidence— he just... Acts like he's pooping, as mysteriously, and egg comes out of his hands. "Look, I lay eggs now."
He must think he must be so funny because right after, he started stomping his feet, snickering, and laughing so hard over his own joke.
You took the egg from him with a laugh in sake of entertaining him, and cracking the egg into the bowl.
Then, he'd make silly faces as you kneaded the dough.
"Imagine if the dough had a face, this is what it would be making right now."
Niki goes in front of you over the kitchen table, making silly little faces every time your hands came to contact with the cookie dough. He'd obnoxiously widen his eyes, puff his nose and ears, stick his tongue out.
One of his goofy faces made you cringe and laugh loudly, to which Niki smiled, "Heck yeah!"
Then, once you put the cookie dough in the oven, he'd stand in front of it and randomly start breakdancing in the middle of nowhere, pulling out his moves which would normally attract you. Now, it just made you shit in laughter.
"What are you doing?" You say, crossing your arms as Niki b-boyed. "I'm dancing for you, obviously!" He pants, doing flips and stumbling right after.
Thud.
"Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" You quickly come over to him, kneeling in front of his fallen figure, inspecting his leg which had fallen down. Niki didn't speak for a few seconds until, all of a sudden, he tackled you down the ground.
In a very tight, and heavy bear hug.
Hell, this boy put all his strength and weight upon you, encaging you with his legs, and keeping you impossibly close. You could hardly breath!
"Riki! Let me go!" You squirm under his hold, Riki only snorts, "I tricked you there baby! Ha! Take this!"
Riki suddenly started tickling you, and you felt like a worm under his hold. You were thrashing uncontrollably, laughing so immensely as he tickled, and tickled, and tickled.
'S-stop! Nooo!" You manage to mutter in between laughter, and he soon stops, opting to embrace you in the cold, hard apartment floor. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He says, rolling your bodies around like sausages.
Gosh. At times, it hardly felt like you were taking care of a boyfriend, but rather, it felt like you had a child! Nishimura Riki is ridiculously mischievous and childish that sometimes, it felt like you're going to go insane!
The oven timer ticks, and Niki finally lets you out of his grasp. You take the cookies out of the oven, let them to cool as you grabbed some of the ice cream from the freezer.
Niki merely observes as you prepared him a bowl of cookies and vanilla ice cream, smiling when you hand him the bowl. You grabbed your own, and the two of you head back to the couch to laze around for the rest of the night and enjoy the rest of the night with him by your side.
"You baked these cookies so good, damn." Niki says as the two of you faced each other at the couch, eating away the ice cream and cookies combination. You smile and mumble a small thank you, opting to not tease him for annoying you so much as the cookies did taste good.
Once the two of you were finished, you settled your bowls at the coffee table and heaved a sigh, "I won't be seeing you tomorrow anymore, yeah?" you randomly brought up out of the blue, a wave of reality washing over you.
It didn't really matter where Niki had gone to, even if it's a country away, miles away, even just a neighborhood away. At the end of the day, you always missed your annoying little boyfriend terribly.
Niki sensed your sudden change of mood, pulling you closer and placing you atop his lap. He wraps both of your arms around his neck as you lazily hunched over and embraced him.
Niki pats your back in comfort, "I'm still seeing you in the morning, baby, don't worry." He assures, though, you can sense by the tone of his voice that he too, is disappointed.
"I'll miss you."
"I'l miss you too, baby."
You pull back from his embrace, holding his face within your hands. You lovingly caressed it, memorizing every detail and tracing it as if it was his last day on earth. Maybe it is to be, for a month or so, at least.
Niki only hums into your touch, closing his eyes and warming into your feather fingers further. His long fingers roamed around your back, caressing it, too.
"It won't take long, I promise..." He mumbles, opening his eyes and holding one of your hands. You only nodded.
You knew Niki found enjoyment in what he was doing. Performing in front of big crowds, making his name known along with his hyungs— it's all really a matter of accepting the fact that your very clingy boyfriend just had to be away for so long.
But then again, Niki always keeps his promise. Even if it is to be a year away, a decade away, even a millennia, you knew that Nishimura Riki always holds true to what he says.
And you know that by the end of each day, he'll always come back home to you, over shared ice-creams and cookies, over shared laughters and assurance.
And most of all, over a shared lifetime with his one and only girlfriend.
*:·゚✧*:·゚✧ END *:·゚✧*:·゚✧
#enhypen fanfics#enhypen fanfiction#fanfiction#kpop#nishimura riki#nishimura niki#enhypen#nishimura riki fanfic#nishimura niki fanfic#riki fanfiction#niki fanfiction#enhypen niki#enhypen riki#enhypen niki fanfiction#ot7#niki x reader#nishimura riki x reader
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Lessons for first-time Audiodrama creators I learned making Lavender Evening Fog
Today marks the four year anniversary of the first full episode of @lavender-evening-fog-podcast. If you want to make audiodrama, here are some lessons that I learned along the way, that will make it easier for you. We went into it loving the audiodrama artform but not knowing a lot about it, so please learn from the experience we gained making the show over four seasons.
Cut the volume you plan to put out in half. And then maybe cut that in half. There are a few ways you can do this-- for example if you are planning on every other week, put out monthly episodes instead. Or maybe rather than doing a 12-episode season, you do a 6-episode season. Or maybe rather than doing 12 half hour episodes, do 12 fifteen minute episodes. One of these ways of reducing may make more sense for your story than the others, but the takeaway is the same--producing an audio drama is a lot of work, and if you have never done it before, it is likely more work than you expect. You can still tell your story, it might just take more time. "But Victoria," you say, "I am already being very pragmatic about this!" I believe you dear reader. When we started LEF we intentionally made the episodes monthly because we knew more frequently would be difficult. Yet the plan was to have two 12-episode seasons that would involve dropping an episode every month for two years without break. About six episodes in we realized that we would burn out if we did it that way. Fortunately, because of how we mapped the story, it was very easy to convert that to four six-episode seasons. This allowed us to take breaks while still having consistency in our release cadence, because that consistency is incredibly important, and it is easiest to sustain over time if you have a handle on the work.
Have as much as possible done before you develop a release schedule. This may be the exception to #1--if you have everything done, by all means, go forward with whatever schedule you like. But it is easier to have a season done and drop episodes than to be working on it up to your release day.
If you can't have everything done before you start thinking about a release schedule, at least have the writing done and polished. Sometimes, you will need to revise pretty heavily. Especially at the beginning when you are getting the voice right. Because writing and getting feedback can take awhile, you want to give time to think about it, try to have your scripts done if nothing else.
If you find yourself relying on some part of your story too heavily, try writing a scenario without it. At the end of Season 1, we introduced the idea of Nick voicing Billy, and by the Season 2 premiere, we felt comfortable recording more interactions (remember, this project started during peak Covid). I was so excited to write for more than just myself, so I wrote a bunch of Billy scenes that didn't move anything forward. Once it was pointed out that this was a problem, I decided to send Billy to a conference. That gave me an opportunity to reframe rather than relying on a narrative crutch. This resulted in the Anna-Georgina is sick episode, which I still think is one of my favorites.
Create frameworks that make writing easier. For example, we wrote the show in little fragments of Anna-Georgina's audiodairies. That made it so much easier to plan (we know we need 8-12ish segments per ep), to write (again, if I wasn't feeling like tacking a particular big of the plot, I could work on another), and to record (The Lucy letters and the long pieces of exposition were always recorded last)
Figure out your tech before you record your first episode. We didn't fully and I'm still kind of embarrassed. Like I'm proud of what we produced starting out, but I wish we (mostly me, Nick always knew what he was doing) had figured it out earlier.
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this is the 5th and unfortunately last page of this mini comic. This was intended to be a quick project but ended up stretching to almost if not a year of work due to my commitments to irl stuff. I loved working on this and I'm once again thankful to @blood-injections for letting me make these few pages based off their post here.
you can find the previous pages here: 1, 2&3, 4
more explanation and background beneath the cut
I underestimated the amount of work that would go into making these, especially with all the pages being fully rendered. Initially there were supposed to be 6 pages but I ended up having to stretch it to 7 pages. But now I've decided to end it here on the 5th page due to a number of reasons. The first being that I just unfortunately do not have the time for this kind of commitment anymore with me in college now. I also have just moved on from mcr content and have been more interested in other bands and other media. Another reason is that I do not have a lot of time in general to even do digital drawings anymore and finally I feel like my art style right now that I'm currently happy with is a departure from the style that i started this comic with, and it just doesn't fit it very well.
I felt pretty bad having to take so long on working on these pages and only coming out with one, maybe two pages after 3 months, since i've only been able to work on these during my semester breaks.
Thank you to people who've been following and reading along, and again, thank you so so much to @/blood-injections for giving me permission to make their post into this short comic, even if I never ended up finishing it.
This part will just be some final thoughts. I learned a lot while making the pages; panel shapes and placement and how to make it appealing, how to space out and arrange speech bubbles to make the dialog more digestible and easy to read, how to sort of draw out the sound effects which I'm still trying to get the hang of in terms of fonts. The hardest thing I found about making all of these is consistency, not just in terms of schedule but in terms the process of making the comic itself, particularly the designs of the characters. I hadn't created a character reference sheet at all for this since I anticipated it to be short and quick (it was not lol), and so there were quite a few times where I found myself accidentally forgetting to draw some details of the character's designs but since I had already posted them, all I could do was just add the designs I missed in the next pages. I hope that didn't bug you all too much :'3
That's pretty much all I have to say, thank you for the people that stuck around this long but I apologize for not being able to continue the comic due to personal commitments and having moved on to other interests. I hope you all have a good one :]
#my chemical romance#danger days#the true lives of the fabulous killjoys#party poison#jet star#fun ghoul#kobra kid
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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode
#crow.txt#the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god#can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done#be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else#i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later#i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now#what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today#including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus#like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted#and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn#its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care#but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either#bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual#and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just#walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was#guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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i hate spotify and whatever they've done with those "made for you" playlists like the daily mixes and artist / genre mixes in the last 1-2 years or so because they're basically the same songs by the same artists just in a slightly different order everyday (not to even mention that a few years ago i actually used to discover new music through these playlists but now it's like. 95% music that's already in my library and 5% random popular songs that spotify inserts everywhere. even when it doesn't fit the vibe of the playlist)
#also it's so obvious that it periodically pushes a few certain songs/artists super hard#while for some usually lesser known artists i could have been streaming them nonstop for weeks to have like 1 or 2 of their songs finally#start appearing on those made for you playlists#meanwhile i listen to the first half of a certain popular song ONCE and suddenly that song is everywhere on single one of those playlists??#like i remember when i got into jo it took literally MONTHS for the spotify algorithm to finally catch up on the fact that i listen to them#and to start to generate playlists/recommendations based on that. but god forbid i get into a new pop star and theyre everywhere immediately#like i love them too ok!!!!! i love my pop stars!!! but the same 2 of their songs don't need to be everywhere on my playlists lol#like if you have to push certain artists super hard then the least you could do is have some VARIETY in their songs you put on my playlists#but no!!!!#ik complaining about this is pointless bc we all know why they do this and it's money#afaik spotify has been firing the ppl responsible for creating accurate recommendations for users sooo#and i know i can create my own playlists!!!! i have plenty of them!!!! i just used to love easily discovering new stuff through the daily#mixes etc and then adding them to my collection!!! let me be a hater in peace 😭
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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goodbye watcher i guess
#my posts#watcher#how did they think this was a good buisness decision is beyond me#i understand the need to grow as a company and have more money of course to continue to create#but like they have five shows that do well#why people will pay 6 dollars a month for five shows?#what about new fans that won't care once they know it is behind a paywall?#why did they not do a watcher survey before taking this decision?#like asking their fanbase if this was a good idea?#and hearing steven say that 6 dollars was affordable... lmao. in what world are you living in dude?#and they are media-savvy and pop culture savvy so they know that all these streamers#are turning into the new cable#and no one can afford it#so i just don't get what they did this.#honestly they either should cancelled it or lower the price at 1 or 2 dollars per month.#and even that like... yeah.#plus what about international viewers? fuck us i guess?#adieu ghost files adieu puppet history :(#it truly feels like the end of an era.
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Finallly got around to properly designing Demonstrator! She’s silly
#keese draws#oc art#oc#she’s a part of the story with lace and the others#she’s in fact a big part of the reason lace was able to find out everything she did in the first timeline#so Long story short she was from the very end of the time period that the creators were still around#well at that point only 2 of them were and the one that made her left super shortly after but yknow#but after the last creator died within their world the gods began fighting for power and control#the time god had seen what becomes of this and freaked out and tried to preserve at least one of the people of this era by sending her to#the future before he immediately stopped doing that since he has little control over his powers and was sent to a different time period#during that war pretty much every other original non god inhabitant of this world ended up dead#all the modern day magic relics are in fact pieces of these old inhabitants that carry enough of their original owners magic#to be used for casting purposes#the main party found demonstrator while they were working on their main quest and had assumed she was a relic before accidentally unfreezing#her and realizing this was a living person why was very confused as to what happened#but yeah demonstrator was mostly created as an experiment and she knows that so she’s eager to get the others to help her test her abilities#lace was very intrigued by her and her abilities especially given her concerns surrounding well. everything lately.#demonstrator basically just has shitty magic 8 ball magic where you can ask her a question and her abilities will show her some answer#these answers can’t be full on false but they can be extremely vague or even just complete nonanswers so usefulness carries#she can also only produce an answer once per question#although luckily it’s pretty loose on what one question is so you can just rephrase the same question a bunch of different ways if you want#so she and lace were still able to find out a shit ton of stuff and the rest is history#important to note that her role in the modern timeline is still pretty prone to change but I’m currently planning on her having also been#sentenced to the timeloop tumbler but in a different location so she and lace weren’t able to keep eachother company#I’m still working out what I want to do with her character tho I have ideas but nothing concrete#she’s existed conceptually for a couple months now but I have been mostly prioritizing the basic worldbuilding and story set up#but now that I have that done I’ve been slowly chipping at fleshing out the main cast so that means demonstrator too#I kind of want her and lace to be doomed toxic yuri post loops but again it depends
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oh yeah the way mass effect made me think of portal which is surely what youtube was doing too in sliding me a portal related video which made me think of like ah yes that little harmonizing thing want you gone credits song does, another banger. then i was like wait speaking of secret losersongs filmed rehearsal videos just the other day was reexperiencing like code monkey's really a banger as well, the way that part of the chorus could have one line end on One Pitch then the next line end a half step up but Doesn't & that pwns actually. then going hang on and they're both jonathan coulton. they're All jonathan coulton (adding in: wow just like will putting still alive on his off the shits jared kleinman a.m. pump up playlist)
#portal / 2 / 2's co-op mode; the rare VideoGames i've Actually Played#the rare puzzle centric games that pwn b/c the Parameters & Goals are always sufficiently clear....#so i did not play mass effect at the time or since. meanwhile i did happen to meet ellen mclain once. wah#doubting that mass effect had any characters singing a song over the credits. Maybe.#but seems plausible indeed the most any individual sings is the optional source material for modern major general / scientist salarian#and that has no Complete Version until here's william lmao. good for him. & those games coming out when he was a little college lad....#wait what the. mass effect the first & portal the first released a month apart in '07??? i guess that tracks lmao but#happy birthday video games....portal 2 in '11; me3 in '12. weird that i was Also in college#''great day to not be in high school'' post like hell yeah it is & i evaded high school entirely lmfao#which was a major motivation in going to college. i can just cut out [school years] that's what i'm talking about. & it did.#hang in there everyone in high school. or middle school god forbid. or college even though it's Also indeed better. lord#just another thing like well try not to die i suppose while put through endless [pass test]#anyways then this full version is created & will sings it!!! & kills it!!! cosigned all the mass effecties....#suppose it's plausible that will ''in college doing musical theatre times'' would look up the composer of credits bops & go from there#let me put together a cabaret solo show & oh gee i dunno....
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books i read this january:
1. 'station eleven' by emily st. john mandel
5/5 stars — literally so good, such a great start to the year. i loved the writing style and the story and the characters and i am forever grateful to the friend of a friend who kept telling me i should read this because he was totally right and it's so good. definitely recommend this if you like apocalyptic stuff that's more an exploration of humanity than action/thriller
2. 'ghosts: the button house archives' by mathew baynton, simon farnaby, martha howe-douglas, jim howick, laurence rickard and ben willbond
3/5 stars — everything i wanted from a ghosts book tbh, loved getting to hear more about the characters but i would've liked a bit more serious stuff about fanny (this isn't really a criticism just wish there had been because she's such a compelling character to me)
3. 'i am malala' by malala yousafzai
4/5 stars — really good for anyone unfamiliar with pakistani culture and politics to help explain recent history as well as being genuinely very interesting. definitely recommend
4. 'heartstopper: volume 5' by alice oseman
3/5 stars — cute and nice to read as a queer british teenager, i like alice oseman's art a lot and i liked how she approached the topics discussed in it. only 3 stars just because like it doesn't really speak to me personally not because it isn't good or anything
5. 'never let me go' by kazuo ishiguro
4/5 stars — i have a weird relationship with his writing i feel like with both the books i've read by him the endings have just been a bit lacking for me? but not for a reason i can actually define and i still really liked the rest of the book and i really like his writing style as well
6. 'yellowface' by rebecca f. kuang
4/5 stars — not my favourite work by her but i found it really interesting to read. idk it's been quite controversial and i don't think i know enough about the issues discussed in the book to have an opinion but it did make me think about a lot of things i'd never really considered before which was why i found it interesting
7. 'gideon the ninth' by tamsyn muir
5/5 stars — this book was right up my street; i absolutely love gideon and the way the book's written. gideon and harrowhark's relationship was really compelling and i love the concept. if you read this book (please do) i would recommend that you read the glossary before you start the book because i spent at least the first 50 pages with no idea what was going on but after that it was amazing
8. 'the seven husbands of evelyn hugo' by taylor jenkins reid
3/5 stars — kind of just not my thing, sorry to all my friends who love it (none of them are on tumblr lol). i thought it was interesting but it just wasn't really my taste
9. 'tsunami girl' by julian sedgwick and chie kutsuwada
4/5 stars — i definitely didn't expect to enjoy this as much as i did but i actually really liked it the whole way through. the characters were great and i found the romance subplot way more well-written and believable than i expected (this might just be me because i'm a bit weird about reading relationships as romantic in books so a lot of straight romance where they sort of just expect you to pick up on it as romantic purely because it's a boy and a girl comes across as really flat to me and i end up just deciding that they're only friends to me whereas in this book i actually did read their relationship as romantic and wanted them to go out)
10. 'nation' by terry pratchett
5/5 stars — i think this is the first terry pratchett i've read other than good omens and i really, really enjoyed it. it took me a while to get into but i liked the characters and also found the sort-of-romance in this believable which was cool. also just really interesting to be honest, i recommend this as well
#reading tag#<- just created this so i can do this once a month :)#can't wait until february is over because the book i finished on the 1st was so sooo good#idk if i should tag this or not because i don't really want to annoy other people trying to use the tags for the books#but also i want to be able to find this post within my own blog under the book titles#might leave it for now and then come back and tag them later like maybe when i make my february books#also if anyone did actually bother reading this and wants to discuss any of the books with me then please please please do#comment on the post or message me or drop me an ask or whatever mutuals or not#also if you see any typos please tell me <3#mine#station eleven#bbc ghosts#heartstopper#never let me go#yellowface#tlt
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study smart not hard (altough both is best actually) this saying is so true
#my advice#but this saying is sooo true#i know some people at uni who study for exam so long and hard but then fail or just barely make it :(#like what are you doing? i don't mean this in a mean way but it doesn't have to be this difficult#i don't understand how some people can study for an exam for 2 weeks or even a month and still fail and i don't think they're stupid#or i don't see myself as particulary smart#but i guess they just waste their time a lot and i realized studying effective is so important#now everyone is a bit different and has to find what works best for them but there are certain techniques which are proven to work well#there is so much information on the internet on this look it up seriously#it made my life sm easier i never struggled in uni like i did in school and i get good grades#and if i ever struggled a bit it was because i started so late it was almost impossible to pass 😂#which is why to do both is still best 😂#but i actually always made it and i never failed an exam at uni (which i studied for)#(two i was fooled into to just try without studying bc it's easy lol)#i mean i shouldn't speak too soon but i already made it through some of the most difficult of my studies#ofc it depends on what you study how well this works but i'm speaking for myself#i once passed an exam with a B studying only 2 days as one of the best students while others studied 2 weeks#and got worse grades or failed#still studying only 2 days is stupidity don't do it 😅#so the techniques i find very helpful are ofc exam questions probably the best one#if there are none make your own#then blurting for which there are different ways but i like to just go over a topic and then write down everything i remember#then fill the gaps#quizlet is also great it's an app which allows you to create cards and then tests you in creative ways#videos can be helpful as well for summaries and using summaries in general is normally enough it saves you sm time#normally you don't actually need to know everything but you should be careful it's not a bad summary leaving out too much 😅#and i also like mindmaps bc i'm a very visual person#but all those tipps are mostly for remembering information so it doesn't work so well for other fields of study#well i hope this is somewhat helpful idk 🙈#oh and reading texts over and over again is the most useless in my opinion i don't remember much at all and it takes sm time
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Oh getting very close now, villainy feels right around the corner (Patreon)
#Doodles#Villainsona#Just Desserts#So you can see - the TVAU floodgates lol#Upon realizing how fun and easy Charm is to draw in the WOY style I was like ''So designing outfits then''#It's like an inbuilt base maker! This style is perfect for just getting a scribble down and then extrapolating from there!#Surely we've all seen the phenomenon of starting with something simple and expanding and building once the base is established#Like kid drawings being redrawn by professionals :D Or pixel art into fully rendered or Minecraft skins open to interpretation#The urge to Artistic Liberty lol - I just managed to find a style that I can do both in >:3c Create the initial and build from there! Yay!!#Love having that as an option ♪ And like I said she's criminally fun to draw like this lol she's just a cute rectangle#Plus - and this is really the big plus lol - since WOY is so silhouette-based it's a great style to test outfits on#The biggest problem for designing her TVAU outfit for me has been how readable it is with and without the wings#Classic Charm is perfect and that's reflected in her design as well ♪ TVAU is in the image of another hm hm hm#<Already a tag lol - but she is! Classic Charm has the perfect amounts of breaks and rests and interest and design flow I just hhh <3 <3#And also true for the TVAU! Charm is under pretty direct influence by that point and I want that to be very reflected in her outfit!#I had a bunch of themes I wanted to explore like two months ago but kept coming up empty :P But now that I've had a chanced to simmer :3c#The biggest elements I'm happiest with are her belly showing in the first one - one of the themes was ''forced vulnerability'' so#I'm not sure what to do with the hem of her pants tho I very intentionally didn't design where her shirt and pants meet in Classic lol#The second design is probably my favourite overall :D And not Just because she turned out so cute in the WOY style haha#I mean she also turned out very cute in the JD style hehe - but I kinda forgot that Kaiein started as a dragon!#Turning her spiderweb theme into dragon scales is so just- how did I not think of that before gods what a brilliant idea lol#And I can keep scalloping! Scallops forever dragon scales spider webs sugar candy sweets ♪ My favourite :D#I like that it keeps the shawl as well while still having very uncovered shoulders - feels villainy and still reflective of her design :D#The last one is more building off the previous two - chest window for the vulnerability theme - dragon scale ''train'' like the first's#I think it's decent but it was honestly more for the dark striped leggings since the middle had them light like her Classic design#One of the other themes I was going for was ''coloured over/blotted out'' and having it be ''her'' design while literally coloured out#I think there's something to that :3c#Also *toots own horn* I did a fantastic job reconstructing her leg in that last one >:3c#I bet you'd never know the the entire bottom half of her left leg had to be digitally added after the fact! I even did that with my trackpad#Hehehe ♪♫ Quite pleased :3c
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