#<- im not really sure how to tag this but i feel like there should be some kind of warning š
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i locked in too hard and fought tooth and nail with ibis paint to make this but by god i did it š THE FILE GOT CORRUPTED LIKE 5 TIMES. i think turbo is real and he is out to get me.
these are a collection of experiments i did to figure out how i want to draw The Freak! i certainly learned a lot. i love drawing characters in 50 different ways with no consistency its so fun moohahaha. expect more turbo art in the future (but probably less artistically chaotic as this turned out š¶ oopsays)
There's alternate versions under the cut + have a bonus doodle :-]<
good grief
#OBLIGATORY I DON'T SUPPORT DISNEY ā ļø#I really really dont like him#And i also didnt make a self insert oc to interact with him in various ways#Because im just not that kind of guy#Turbotastic more like Ummm Turdoplastic (STUPID!!!!!) i turnt him into this šš¤#He should die. I will make it my lifes mission to end his life#IM GRINDING HIM INTO A POWDER TO MIX INTO LIQUID TO FEED MY HATCHLINGS#im still not sure how i feel about the bloody nose turbo but like i said these r all experimental špeace and lovešļø#it just doesnt LOOK like him to me idk how to describe it#and the pose is lowkey fart#BUT OH WELL ā¤ļøāš©¹#turbo wir#turbo wreck it ralph#TURBOTASTIC#how do tumblr tags work i dont know#Im not crazy#turbo#wreck it ralph
221 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
#mdzs#lan wangji#jiang yanli#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#i ask bc i think the subject just never comes up in mdzs. we know how lan wangji feels about jiang cheng (he's a hater) but not yanli#which is a bit strange given how important she was to wei wuxian#uhh given that im the poll runner im not sure if i should share my own opinions. but#imo you can argue for any of these#yanli was made to be the perfect fridged woman so it feels like sacrilege for anyone to dislike her. she's too nice#and given that she's kind of similar in temperament to lan xichen i can see lan wangji thinking highly of her#especially after she sticks up for wei wuxian at the phoenix mountain hunt (it always comes back to wei wuxian)#but i can also see lan wangji focusing on the fact that she married into the sect that ultimately destroyed wei wuxian#he's not exactly reasonable when wei ying is involved. so i can see him arguing that she should have used her position#as wife of the jin sect heir to do more for wei wuxian. or that she should have convinced jiang cheng not to expel wei wuxian#when she was still living at lotus pier. or something like that#this is not reasonable and lan wangji does not have all the facts. but he isnt a reasonable person lmao#grudge holder 100. blame slinger 1000.#there is also the fact that wei wuxian super killed yanli's husband#so in a yanli lives au would lan wangji expect yanli to just get over this? so wei wuxian can be happy?#honestly i dont know#at any rate. in canon lan wangji doesnt seem to think very highly of jin ling. who is yanli's son#which seems to imply to me that he and yanli did not have any sort of friendship or acquaintanceship#so imo the most realistic option out of all the options here#is that lan wangji thinks of yanli as just wei wuxian's dead loved one. and not really her own person#in the end it all comes back to wei wuxian lol#yanyan polls#yanyan speaks#adding second tag bc i talked too much in the tags
29 notes
Ā·
View notes
Note
I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms šļøšļøšIām all ears
I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!
The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.
More:
Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.
Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)
Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like thatā oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.
Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4ā5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.
Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.
The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.
They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.
And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.
I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.
#and then. and im putting my most controversial opinion in the tags bc im scared lmao. but like... then... you have the fans..... doing......#the same fucking thing.#the amount of times I have seen Wriothesley used as just a side prop for Neuvillette to feel bad about shit. While Wriothesley is just.....#portrayed as having the inner peace and acceptance of a fucking monk. I was shocked when I read some fics I swear#they really said this man has no trauma at all! the stuff in his past? he's over it!#i hate that passivity when writing victims. like ok if One is written like that#sure. but MHY write all their victims like this#I mean look at fucking Lanoire#and Neuvillette sentenced him to prison after he killed his parents who were never confronted by the law. That's canon.#that's more canon than WRLT itself.#why weren't they confronted? did wriothesley try to talk to someone about it? why did he feel like killing them is his only option ?????#at least have there be some sort of conflict and friction there. How does Wriothesley feel about the court and Neuvillette when#this is the literal system that allowed all that shit to happen to him in the first place???#are you Sure he won't be at least a little wary? the fact that some people think he's Grateful to Neuvillette or even idolises him is crazy#because the man literally subjected him to prison. and if you want to portray his prison life as easy breezy and trauma free#you undermine his entire shitty little 'prison reform' narrative#and if you think he'd be completely 100% accepting of the justice system. Then why the fuck would he kill his parents himself#don't you see that the whole 'I'll accept whatever sentence in order to kill my parents' thing in itself is an act of defying the system#and I Hate#this idea. about being some of the most powerful men in the nation. and yet they can't fucking TRY to set up a better system or smth#i can't believe I read a fic where leaving starving street kids croissants is the most they (the characters and the writer) want to do#like. what the fuck. the whole point of that scene is just to make neuvillette feel bad and be like aw......... poor people exist.... OK???#this is literally how MHY would portray him though.... tbf..... This is what ppl would argue as 'in character'#I just think the character they're in is bad.#I will say I'm giving the fic a lot of grief. there's more to the scene than that. and. ultimately.....#fanfic is (saying this through gritted teeth) ........ recreational....................and free........... in the end.................#i dont think this is reflective of the writer. I do think it is reflective of the way the canon material (genshin impact)#presents in the audience who consumes it. most fans only want these guys to fuck anyway. not think about systemic injustices#canon doesn't make it about the systemic injustices either so why should we. the aesthetic of slums and prisons are just there for fun guys#IM JUST CRAZY OK. I SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE THIS IS NOT FOR ME . I DONT CARE THAT MUCH FOR PEOPLE FUCKING AND I CARE TOO MUCH
29 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
I think youāre talking about these posts [here & here], I donāt know if there have been others.
I'm not gonna say what I did was right, you are correct I should probably just not respond to asks getting me to talk about other people. I will say for these two posts those people had already blocked me Iām pretty sure, so itās kinda hard to talk directly to them in that case. And I was not doing so anonymously and had not blocked them so I wasnāt hiding what I was saying. I did not follow them, I am not part of the innitor community, and not that that makes it right but I do think it is kinda different. Though you make a good point, perhaps we should stop this pattern of responding to asks about other blogs and such.
Still, the biggest thing to me I realized, back in elementary school when I first dealt with this, was that honestly all the time we talk about people behind their back. Talking about people when they arenāt always in the room is kinda just inevitable and part of socializing, however I think the important part is how you are talking about other people. Itās when you are insulting them, talking negatively about them to people they know, spreading false information and so on that it becomes not okay. Hopefully that makes sense.
In these cases I merely focused on the lore. I didnāt insult them or talk shit about them, as a person, as a blog or say their takes were stupid or they are stupid or speculate about their trauma or mental history. I just talked about reasons why I disagreed, or saw things differently and why we might see things differently. They were also not the only ones I saw to say similar things so I think in my mind I was making more of a general discussion, not trying to target them specifically. I didnāt post beyond that about them. But you are right, regardless it was probably not the right way to go about things.
But just to be clear, if I am a hypocrite it is not my intention. I havenāt vague blogged anyone or meant to vague reblog anyone. I think this week is pretty much the first time Iāve ever been not naming, passive aggressively talking about blogs, and even then Iām not trying to insult them, trying to cancel them. Iām just expressing that before you go off about how Iām stupid and unable to have a discussion about it, the very least you couldāve done was give me an opportunity to try.
#Iām not going to say Iāve handled everything like I should. I feel like usually I try to tag people and include context and pictures so Iām#not trying to be passive aggressive or talk about people behind their back.#Iām not hiding. I havenāt even used the Tommy neg tag and I feel like I always leave things open and - here is my opinion it is not the onl#one or maybe even the right one or - here are my thoughts at the moment of 1am or here is the loreā¦#I made my alt name and image very clearly still me. Iām not trying to be sneaky or backhanded or insult You for an opinion or call You dumb#and if I have insulted or hurt someone Iām genuinely sorry and didnāt mean to. Something I try to reiterate#as my tone can come across as aggressive#crumbs#hello there#but see how we can have a discussion of -hey flora maybe you shouldnāt be talking about other people without tagging them or going directly#to them and I can be like - yea you have a good point. your right thatās not being respectful to them.#clarifications#thats what I'm really asking for. the respect to see if I am going to be as bad as you assume. give me the benefit of the doubt#I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know all the internet etiquette or slang. this is my first time participating in a fandom#my first time on tumblr. on ao3. the first time I've gotten actual like interactions on things beside like graduation pics#not to plead ignorance as innocence#but I know I don't know everything & am not claiming to thats why I try to leave safe space for people to come respectfully to me#after feeling aggressive backlash and seeing it happen I have since tried to make sure I try to respect other people's opinions#now that doesnt mean that if you just leave an anon in my inbox Im going to respond to it if I have already talked about it.#- okay you disagree. I stated my opinion you've stated yours and if there is no further point to discuss then I might not respond#though I did make this blog to perhaps respond more to things like that since you did take the time to say it the least I can do it respond#(and I cant just send you a direct message if you go anon <3)#uh... anyways didn't mean to leave an essay here oops... hope im making sense to someone :)
7 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
im over it but if she messaged me now i would respond in a heartbeat
#THIS IS WHY IM NOT FUCKIGN ALLOWED TO READ THROUGH OUR OLD CHATS#WHY DID I ?? DO THAT ??? ?#MY FRIEND WAS LITERALLY TELLING ME TO STAPWPOPPPPPP#she was literally in vc going ākaden put that phone DOWN! stop readingā#and i still read.#WHATS WRONG WITH ME#the worst part is i. should NOT. contact her again BC of this. i wouldn't know how to feel and it'd be that situationship all over again#BEING ARO IN A SITUATIONSHIP COMPLICATES THINGS SO FUCKING BADDDDDDDDDDDDD#truly the lloyd garmadon experience#was it casual when you told me i was āthat personā for you and you wanted to be that for me too#was it casual when you asked me if i would let you in like a courting proposal#was it casual when you confessed through truth or dare and i didnt fuckkng react#was it casual when you told me months later that you used to like me again. and i said Me too#was it casual when you apologised because i said i couldnt believe anyone (you. especially you) would like me#was it casual when you asked for my number and the first thing you sent me was āim not sure why but i really like youā#āwas it casual?ā i ask. knowing full well it was not#GUYS IM FUCKING LOSING IT#this was years ago i have to get over it#I AM#IM OVER IT#i literally ammmm but sometimes it comes back up and i#and i lose my mind a little.#blabberpar#guys you need to MUTE THIS TAg#not even my first real relationship has this effect on me. what the fuck
5 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
that one mystreet episode
(dont tag as zanmau pretty pls)
#im normally opposed to doing captions like this telling people how 2 reblog but uh i just dont want it being interpreted as ship art#ship zanemau all u want but it aint 4 me#ANYWAYSSS#DONT SHIP DISCOURSE THIS POST!!!!#okay thats kind of a joke because this is TUMBLR but LOOK the invader zim fandom was a scary place 2 years ago#anyways#i should draw more pink and frilly and cute stuff its fun#this is like the first digital art ive made in a billion years#skool really art blocks me its wild#this feelsss unfinished it doesnt feel quite complete but im just sure what else to do with it so here#im scared its BAD but its okay if its bad and i can always redraw it in a year#okay real tag time#art#my art#artwork#digital art#aphverse#aphmau#zane ro'meave#mystreet#aphmau mystreet#zane aphmau#mcyt#sure ill put some aphmau in the mcyt tag
23 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
Honestly the roleplay blogs are stronger than I am because if I saw a post where people were saying my blog was annoying and calling me corny I would jump in a large pit and rot away
#I don't think I should tag this one#Okay I've typed my emotions out. For a more normal way to put it: While it makes sense to be upset#best move. I'm sure the blogs in question would be happier if you just told them about the roleplay guidelines than if you made a post#where multiple people call them annoying. Like can you imagine if someone said that about a writing blog#'So sick of x reader fics in the tag I don't want to see that and they're all so out of character' What a dick move.#It is a different case with rp blogs I'll give you that. But I think the principle of the matter stands#unless it doesn't and everything I said is stupid#original ramble below I was so mad for some reason. im not mad at anyone really. everyone is cool. love you guys#I get why people are unhappy that theyre clogging up the tags#like despiar dev said not to and people want to see content of despiar thyme not just ask blogs#I saw someone say they just blocked them and like. I get why. however. people do not know everything#but my brother in Christ you're not helping the matter!!!!!!!!1 send them a screenshot of what despiar dev said!!!!help other people!!!!!!!#just politely tell them instead of weirdly vague posting it helps everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe they just don't know#misspelling the tags so no one finds this post. I will actually be so pissed if people find this and r upset#Oh I'm sorry THIS is the post you're noticing? You have followed me for over six months and you haven't said anything about any other negat#negative feelings i've expressed. I see how it is#I wish the drdt confessions account was still open but whatever fucking whatever#sui mention#personal vent#whatever I guess
11 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
if you draw enough monster ocs, when you go back to drawing a human character, it feels like "sameface syndrome" everytime, by virtue of their face being. human.
#toy txt post#or maybe i am just sameface syndrome#but also different face syndrome#two characters will have the same face but then the next time i draw those characters its a different face than they had last time!#i know part of it is being out of practice but also there is definitely an element of feeling constrained by human facial structure lmao#the monsters have Their Own Problems but like. no one has a face like bokrae no matter how inconsistent i am about drawing her#her features are iconic enough to her that you can tell everytime#birdie???? i faceclaimed eartha kitt for her and im still struggling cos i feel weird about faceclaiming as a concept#but even then š one time i was trying to give headloose a face and someone was like wow he looks like birdie!#me ššššš what!!!!!! hes not supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to practice. features#you know the worst part about coming up w a bunch of fuckin Scenarios in my brain for ocs is that i have even fucking Drawn them yet#to give them like. iconic staple features and figure out what their faces look like. which feels like it would really help to have that#knowledge and muscle memory before i jump into trying to draw intense scenes with difficult poses!!#not to mention. listen. i can do the monster faces. somewhat. the bodies??????????? well for one. theyre too big everytime#im convinced i could be trying to draw bokrae on like a full ass wall size paper like a mural thing and run out of room. it just keeps#happening. i have no sense of scale for them either. by which i mean i struggle w scale already and also cant decide what i want it to be#and ive tried to handwave it away by being like ohhh uh. birdie casts spells on them to change their sizes for convenience but also#no. perhaps that explanation works for other ppl. @ myself tho its not good enough i Know Better!!!!!!#agh!!!!!!! i really need to figure out bokrae's Teeth also. like i dont. i coukd get away with it. but i should. and i want to.#anyway all this to say that i need to give these characters faces and body designs (actually the body designs for humanoid ocs is the easy#part. the faces are whats stumping me? well. i need more practice w all the body types again but like i Know what im Going For at least.#for the most part anyway. havent fully figured out heights. struggling w characters that i want to make short but give imposing tall energy#on occasion? birdie can be short all day long no problem. I want Alasdair to be short enough that he has a bunch of short boyfriends that#feel tall around him? bytte was going to be like 6ft max but then i thought about making her taller and like. what if i made her taller#headloose is not that /short/ but he is Not Tall and prolly pretty lean? twink build for sure#and of course all these short /tall distinctions come with a bias of relativity to my own height which i categorize as medium height#but short ppl call me tall and insist its not average and tall ppl call me short. (5'6) and then i have to factor in how the gender changes#the dynamic of a height like my height is Short For A Man but medium to tall for a Woman. which id argue is medium height bc mens heights#are socially held to high standards (hehe) and also i know ethnicity/race is also a factor? but im out of tags. rip. bye
17 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
looking on at the āØhypeāØ about last stage like
#i wanna be excited about it too!!!!! lemme in~~~~~~~~~~#maybe itās just bc i didnāt listen to the āloid version on the koishiteru album but i think im not as excited about it as i should be lmaooo#on jp twt there are fans screaming about last stage and i. feel kinda left out ngl??? fomoās hittinā like a truck and idek w h y#but me? im just clinging to meoto to āØcarry onāØ#idk why but it kinda sounds like that song aka***ki enstrs sang to beat r****ts to a pulp in the anime#i dont even like enstrs anymore so idk why that song was the first thing i thought of when i heard the preview help#in any case!!!!! i hope the rest of the new songs get mvs!!!! especially meoto!!!!!!!!!!!!#going by the love chuchuchu(chu! kawaikute gomenā) im p sure thatās gonna be the moge mv lol#wont be surprised if their outfits in the mv are the same ones that theyāre wearing in the moge-ilustrated album standeesā¦#if that is indeed how the oshi no mahou mv is gonna goā¦ all of you will now owe me tree fiddy >:) if not nothing happens idk#im very much looking forward to seeing where the completely new direction of upcoming lxl songs is gonna take us though#(p r a y i n g for lxl falling for each other in 4k hd p lsā)#g o d i should really get some sleep my innate state of crabbiness is creepinā in the tags here too aaaaaa
15 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
10 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
there's a point at which someone's fear of being a dick wraps back around to them just being a dick anyways
#im side-eyeing those who reblogged my post on ethnocentrism and missed the point#but im also thinking about the tags i saw on being too scared to comment on fic#the first is being ~too scared~ to write cultures other than their own#(1. my point was people should be learning *as they watch the show* not just when they write#2. i just. jfC. stop saying youre too scared to *try* to write from another culture/POV different from your own as tho its a *good* thing)#the second is just annoying/frustrating because being too scared to participate in community is how community's die#i dont want to be dismissive of cancel culture because i do know the stories and there is always indv cases of a person ready to be a dick#but like. its just *not* a thing most people have to be worried about. very likely you're just not big enough to have that concern.#anxiety's no joke but like. u dont just accept the anxiety as the excuse. you have to challenge it. i've been there but u cant feed it.#and i dont want to sound dismissive of that anxiety but im really frustrated with seeing people throw that excuse around#without considering how their fear-based attitudes/actions come off in turn#such as not showing fandom creatives any appreciation for fear of saying the ~wrong~ thing#which comes off as creatives' stuff seeming to be ignored completely or otherwise very discouraging silence#when the only rule for tags/comments is to treat others the way you wish to be treated and apologize if you accidentally tread a toe#and being more worried about accidentally stepping on a theoretical persons toe than interested in showing actual people gratitude#like? pretty sure im not the only one side-eyeing that like ''have u really considered this feeling/logic????''#again: its not saying that anxiety isnt a dick or easy to dismiss but i am saying maybe challenge it or at least reflect on it#i just#blahh#the commenting thing is way more mild than the other but tags arent for that conversation and i need a much better brain space for that one
8 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people donāt get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things arenāt worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because theyāre things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. iām at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but iām a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. itās not āoh but i can push through itā because i canāt without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I canāt think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely donāt know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers donāt have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice iām making thatās true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ābut you are making choices about your lifeā when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i canāt go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isnāt freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I donāt go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still canāt. good days just mean i donāt want to lie down on the pavement when iām going somewhere#I just. I donāt magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately itās#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because thatās all logical but thereās no way to explain what itās doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i donāt react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and itās only getting worse#I canāt even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isnāt counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
8 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
At least he has a cape!
Bonus scribble.
#adam warlock#guardians of the galaxy#mcu gotg#my art tag#universe: mcu#yes yes i know NOW via the funko figure that the main part of his suit is a lighter gold rather than a dark gray#it was hard discerning the color scheme from the unflattering set photo okay!!! i tried#im not sure how i feel about his mcu look at the moment really bc i want to believe he'll end up in something that looks.. less complicated#we shall see.#i think he should have evil red eyes like the design from that one avengers cartoon episode featuring the guardians tho
128 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
i just realized- 6 more months exactly until my birthday- that's... depressing- š
#tw: vent(ish?) in the tags#i still feel a year younger#i feel like i didnt do anything this year..-#šµāš«#idk i need to find smt to feel good about and i feel so close to it...#i feel so close...#but it's just not in reach and idk what to do abt it#the things who make me who i am haven't changed for the past year#im still the kid who likes drawing bsd and music#the kid who everyone knows but doesn't have that many close friends#š®āšØ#mid-life crisis as a teen š#dying in my twenties šš#(/half joking)#i just wanna hug#but i dont really know how to ask for one#(pretty sure my mom would wonder what's wrong and my brother would look at me weird)#ik i should probably just start making healthy life choices but i cant be bothered#just three more months of school...#then a month off...#then half a month later im back in school to start it all over again...#i just wanna go Home#batrambles#batdiary#sorry this is so long and so weird(if you even made it this far)-
8 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power
#edit: warning the tags get pretty personal whoops. however tumblr is like a diary to me so. but if discussions of father issues arent for u#it's not anything he's directly said but like. when we talk about it i can tell he's clinging to this like#image of musk as this inventor working for the good of humanity#because he's admired him for a long time and like i get it it's hard to let go of your heroes when it turns out they're trash#but. he's always been trash. is the thing. and i've been saying this.#and it would be nice to feel some solidarity! or support! or empathy idk!#and not like. lectures why tesla is actually progressive or why spacex is the best thing to happen to science since fucking penicillin#and sometimes ppl who push the world towards progress rub people the wrong way#god like. we were in the car the other day talking about it and i mentioned tesla moving to texas bc of the law protecting trans kids#and he mumbled something like well sure yeah he said that but Really... really it's about the taxes......#okay!! who give a shit! that's not the point! the point is that he's got fucking legions of alt right fanboys who hang off his every word#so when he says something that is good for trans people is actually dangerous and bad and hurts kids#and when he openly publicly deadnames and misgenders and LIES about his TRANS DAUGHTER. it's fucking dangerous! and it makes trans people#(IE ME. YOUR CHILD.)#feel unsafe!#it should get you angry! it should make you rethink how you saw him previously! it should make you want to stop supporting him!#idk. i mean my dad has never been like. against me being trans. and he's worked really hard on the pronouns and not deadnaming me#but it's stuff like this where it feels like he doesn't grasp how he's de-prioritizing my perspective as a trans person and.#his Child.#and how his first reaction to me starting t was 'no.. why would you do that :('#it just feels bad. i love him so much but it's shit like this that makes me feel like i don't matter to him or like i'm disappointing him#and then he gets confused when i tell him that i feel that way#wow! sorry for this. i should get serious about finding a therapist i dont think i knew i felt all this until i typed it out#im gonna add a tag at the beginning of this. as a warning. lolololol. lol. anyway#got 2 pick up my t tomorrow and also email my dr for more wellbutrin haha slay! hit the slay button. dispenses ssris.#god i'm so tired sorry i'm delirious actually. also i saw my brother this weekend which was so nice and he's such a weirdo which also#makes me weirder by proxy
4 notes
Ā·
View notes
Note
When I was a kid and I played Happy Home Designer, I would make a little bar and have Isabelle there, and I would pretend to be a creepy guy trying to put stuff in her drink.
I would like to add that I never have and never will attempt to drug anybody.
#drugs tw#sa tw#?#<- im not really sure how to tag this but i feel like there should be some kind of warning š#acnl#acnh#animal crossing#ac#new leaf#new horizons#animal crossing new leaf#animal crossing new horizons#animal crossing pocket camp#acpc#pocket camp
13 notes
Ā·
View notes