#<- doesn't wanna pay for a doc

[nyxronomicon]

toji had a vasectomy after megumi i can feel it

[eightmakesonebraincell]

YOUR TAGS MEAN SO MUCH TO ME YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND 😭 crying screaming throwing up rn nobody touch me

thank you thank you thank you for loving part two!!!! it makes me so happy that there are people who support all of my mafia content

i have a little request! what happens with mafia mingi & yn? do they ever meet again? if so, how?

same with wooyoung! do they still meet at the convenience store every night? did he bring the others over to introduce reader to them?

oh im curious yeahhhhh

ateez as mafia members pt 2

original post here

pairing: mafia!mingi x reader, mafia!wooyoung x reader, mentions of ot8!mafia

genre: fluff, crack, a continuation of the mafia tropes brainrot-fest

length: 2.1k

c/w: explicit language, violence, weapons, mentions of alcohol, unedited

a/n: thank you anon for requesting (and special thanks @sorryimananti-romantic for validating my writing 🫶) this was only meant to be like a five dot-point thing explaining what happens, but obviously mafia!ateez has me in their chokehold. mafia!ateez in my brain: it's free real estate

mingi

it takes a few days for you to reopen your bar after your fateful meeting with ccg

ccg as in cute coat guy

because quite frankly, that night shook you up a little

mingi most definitely notices your absence

but it's not like he can just check up on how you're doing

not when your bar is closed and he has no real excuse to show up apart from "i was worried about you"

after he reports back to base and rejoins ateez, hongjoong's girlfriend offers to hack into the database and find out what your phone number is

("it'll literally take me like, two seconds")

mingi refuses though because he wants to do things the right way

at least...when it comes to things concerning you

after you reassure yourself that the thugs chasing after cute coat guy aren't going to kill you by association, you feel safe enough to open up the mist again

his leather coat usually sits draped over your chair behind the countertop

originally, you think about washing it before returning it to him

...whenever he shows up you suppose

but then you kind of like the smokey smell of gunpowder with an underlying hint of his cologne that is on the coat

so you leave it as it is

in fact, you might have actually worn it a couple of times

you like how the end of the coat brushes against your calves, how the sleeves fall past your fingertips, how it engulfs your entire frame like an embrace

but mostly, you like how it reminds you of the handsome stranger; who claims he is a good bad guy; who you still do not know the name of

you wonder if he made it back safely that night

you're wearing the coat as you're closing up for the night - it's already well past midnight

you're just about to reach for the last glass on one of the tables when you hear the door to your bar opening

"sorry, i’m closed for the nigh- oh," you pause

it’s ccg

who currently has one leg and arm halfway through the threshold of your door, now frozen mid-step at your words

“if now’s not a good time, i can come back another day?” he starts out hesitantly

“now’s great! good. yes,” you chuckle nervously and try not to be too enthusiastic at his appearance. “now’s good, come in”

you catch his eyes briefly flicker down for a moment before they return to your eyes

then he gives you a soft look and greets you gently, “hi”

“hi,” you return, brain shutting down on you

“you look cute in that,” he jerks his chin down slightly to motion at what he was looking at just moments ago

his leather coat

that you are currently wearing

you squeak in embarrassment, hands fumbling to take it off while you vomit out explanations as to why you’re wearing it

your fingers get caught up in the sleeves

but then he is stepping closer slowly so as not to alarm you, before he grasps the ends of the sleeves and helps tug them off your arms

mingi can’t help but use the opportunity to tenderly hold one of your hands

he’s missed the way your smaller hands fit snugly in his

“did you come back for your coat?” you try to break the silence, because otherwise you are afraid he will hear the heartbeats coming from inside your chest

he nods, “wanted to make sure you were okay, too”

there is a third reason that he does not say

that he just wanted to see you

“i’m okay now,” you reassure him

because he’s back now and he’s safe

he folds the leather coat and places it on the countertop before he says, “i don’t think i ever got your name?”

you tell him then ask him for his

“mingi”

“mingi,” you repeat

he repeats your name in return

“mingi,” you say yet again

“y/n”

you both laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole conversation

“mingi, want to help me close the bar?”

and so you find yourself in his company as you give him easy tasks to do

closing up has always been a tedious job, especially when your body and mind are groggy with fatigue

but with mingi around, an accidental brush whenever you shuffle past each other, a conversation easily flowing between you both, you are awake as ever

even long after all the tables and shot glasses have been cleaned and polished, floors swept, bottles of alcohol reorganised, mingi still has not left

and at some point during the night once you two sit at the countertop to rest your legs, both of you have subconsciously inched closer together in your seats, bodies seeking the warmth and proximity of the other

you are unsure how long you two talk for

but just like that first, fateful meeting with mingi, he stands up to take his leave all too soon

“goodnight, mingi”

mingi buffers for a minute before he decides to do it

he reaches out for your hand, clasping it gently to bring it up to his lips as he presses a light kiss against the back of your hand

and with a goodbye of his own, he turns for the door

except he lingers in the doorway, asking, “will i see you again?”

a smile graces your lips at the irony of the situation and you tell him it's not like you'll be going anywhere; he's free to come visit any time

but you also feel your stomach flutter

because last time, you were the one tugging on mingi’s vest, timidly wondering if that was going to be the last you saw of him

tonight, he is the one unwilling to part ways

not to say that you aren’t either

“i’ll see you around, then,” he says with finality, voice still soft-spoken

and then he leaves

but just mere seconds later you spot it

his leather coat

still folded on your counter where he had placed it earlier

"wait, your coat!" you rush outside with it

mingi is only a few feet away

he could very easily turn around and take it from you

but then he just winks, gives you a tip of his hat and says, "next time," before he's walking away again

you chew on the inside of your cheek to stop the silly grin from blooming across your face

because something tells you that you're going to be hanging on to mingi's coat for him for a while

even after next time

wooyoung

it feels like deja vu

a whole gang of mafia members sauntering into your convenience store like a scene straight out of a movie

admittedly, they are much more pleasing to the eye than the group that was chasing after wooyoung weeks ago

but still

these are several muscular men in tank tops, leather jackets and heavy chained necklaces

your hand itches for the comforting weight of the pepper spray in your purse that wooyoung had gotten you just last week

you haven't had a reason to need it since wooyoung basically lives in your store now

and he always walks you home after your shift

but now seems like a more than good enough time to use it

"you usually work the night shift here?"

a voice causes your eyes to snap up

the man at the head of the group addresses you with a quirk of his brow - it's pierced, you notice

"...yeah," you answer

you wonder if this is your last shift at work and at life

and then just like a repeat of last time, you spot wooyoung's frantic bounce of curls appear from across the street of your store

you pray to the heavens above that he isn't being chased by anyone else this time

because the thought of two gangs crossing paths inside your modest store?

you don't think it's going to look like a store after their fight is through

you see the way wooyoung's eyes widen when he spots the thugs just mere feet away from you and you see a curse form on his lips

you just need to hold out until he gets here

wooyoung will keep you safe

wooyoung will-

"then you must know," the man leans in a little closer to grab your attention, "where i can find-"

wooyoung bursts through the door

"-the super sour gummy worms?" the man finishes

you physically cannot help the words that blurt out of you in disbelief, "the fuck you just say?" 

"hongjoong!" wooyoung's piercing shout interrupts you both

wooyoung worms his way through the gang and you stare incredulously at him before you say, "the fuck did you just say?"

he ignores you in favour of pressing his hands against the chest of the man - hongjoong? - and trying to push him towards the doors of your store

quite unsuccessfully, you must add

"the fuck are you guys doing here?" wooyoung yells

"what the fuck is going on?" you demand

"holy fuck, not even hongjoong swears this much"

"fuck yeah, potty mouth!"

"stop swearing you fucktards!"

one of the men who has been lingering on the edge of the group sidles up to the counter, looking at you with an apologetic grimace

"sorry you have to deal with...this," he shakes his head just as another man comes to join you both, "i'm jongho, by the way"

"seonghwa," the other man introduces himself with a gentle voice

these mafia men are surprisingly kind

and normal

except, you suppose, anyone in comparison to wooyoung would be normal

"are you all wooyoung's, uhh, friends?" you don't know whether they know you know

they chuckle, "yeah, we're his friends. his brothers, too, you could say"

you realise the rest of the men have started to settle down and are standing in a rough semi-circle around your counter

wooyoung is currently grumbling and muttering indignantly under his breath with someone's arm thrown over his shoulders, though it looks more like he's a child being scolded by his father than it looks a friendly gesture

"so to what do i owe the pleasure of a visit from all of you?" you ask them, now that there is no swearing being thrown across the room and you realise they aren’t going to shoot you through the head

"had to see for ourselves who was making our wooyoung all smitten. always sneaking out at night like a tween"

"yunho!" wooyoung hisses and elbows said man in the ribs

except with the height difference, it's more like his hips

it's amusing to see how everyone has the upper hand over wooyoung's brattiness

"am i meeting the in-laws already?" you smirk at wooyoung, "you like me or something, jung wooyoung?"

he flushes bright red and you're quite positive that if you made him take his socks off, you would find him blushing straight down to his toes

"that's it!" he hollers, arms flailing and shooing everyone, "out! out! out!"

you know they can easily resist his pushy hands, but they simply snicker and let themselves be herded towards the doors

"bye, darling!" someone jumps up and down to catch your gaze over the heads of everyone else

"shut up, san!"

yunho, you think you recall his name being, flutters his fingers at you cheekily, "we'll be back soon!"

and then he lets out an indignant yelp when wooyoung slaps his back with a screech, "no, you guys won't!"

you're laughing heartily by this point, unrestrained and very much enjoying their antics

"bye, everyone," you wave them off and then blow wooyoung an exaggerated kiss, "see you later, wooyoungie!"

everyone cackles with glee at the sight of him trying to dig himself into the ground

the sound of their ruckus finally dies down as they exit and walk further away from your store

and then you hear a distant wail

"i didn't get my gummy worms!"

you shake your head with a fond smile and take a seat at the register, but not before setting aside a pack of those ‘super sour gummy worms’ for hongjoong

and then, like always, you look at the clock and count the seconds as they tick past

counting down the seconds until wooyoung comes back to see you

again

[themeraldee]

More on the breast feeding stuff you wrote about, I imagine that if it came in any other time than sex that maybe Homelander's partner might make sure to wait to tell him until he has somewhere to be, like he's just about to leave for the day and they just casually from the shower. "Oh, by the way I started lactating" I know i'd find it funny to pull that idk. And also love your writing, it's so tasty. I wanna eat it lol.

Thank you so much sweetheart 🥹🥹🥹 by all means have a feast!!

You're such a tease! Poor Homie. I see this played out two ways. If you two have talked about it before and you know that it's his biggest guilty pleasure there's no way he's leaving now!! He's getting Ashley (or whatever poor sod) to clear his entire schedule. It doesn't matter whether her was meant to save the President, he is not gonna hold back after such discovery.

He's plucking you out of the shower throwing you on the bed, not caring about how wet you make it (wink wink) and he's making himself verrrry familiar with the taste of your milk leaking straight into his mouth. Don't worry, he'll totally reward you for your effort with an orgasm or two. As long as you let him have everything you have on offer.

However if you two have never talked about it and you haven't figured it out and instead you say something along the lines of "Oh, by the way I started lactating. I'll have to go see a doctor when you're gone." He's frozen in the doorway. Hairs standing at the back of his neck and it's like he can already taste your milk on his tongue. He's never used his senses more than when he's inhaling deeply to see if he can smell the lingering sweetness in the air.

After much deliberation he still leaves but he's totally disassociating, not paying attention to anything anyone has to say. Depending on how far he's had to go he's eagerly watching you through the walls, listening to what the Vought doc has to say. Just as Ashley's about to ask him if anything's wrong, trying to gently nudge him into saying the right lines or going on the right set he hears the doctor say there's nothing wrong.

You're surprised to see him back so early, sure he wasn't meant to be back until much later in the day and he's awkwardly hovering.

"Soooo how did your appointment go?"

"Oh it's nothing serious, apparently can happen due to all sorts of reasons. Like excessive nipple stimulation! Which we both know I've had plenty of." You laugh it off and he's still stiff as a board.

"Right. That's good news then. T-that nothing's wrong with you I mean."

He's not always the easiest the read but right now he couldn't be more obvious if he tried!

"Would you like to try some?" Before you even finish he's hoisting you up and into the bed and just like the first scenario he's not letting you leave the bed till the end of the day.

[makeucrawl]

Could I get fluffy (sfw) Coyle/Easterman short? 😖

“ShockTherapy” Fluff

Easterman strolled around the room, as Coyle watched from his desk. The policeman was closely monitoring him since he didn't trust the doctor in the least. The doctor gives a sudden disgusted glance at Coyle. "Your boots are filthy. You shouldn’t put them on your desk.” “It’s my desk." The officer scoffs and drags the heel of his boot on the desk’s surface leaving a scuff. “What do ya want? Ya never come this way- Ya here just tell me how to run my station!?” Leland's mouth curled upward into a snarl. He didn't need direction from a city man to manage his station.

“Not at all. You seem to be frustrated recently. Something on your mind?” Easterman asks turning on his heel to walk towards the desk. “Why ya wanna know how Im feelin? Ya got an interest in me?” Coyle laughs loudly, but he tenses up in response to the other person's sudden approach. "Don’t fuckin’ come over here." As the other man approaches, he growls, but Easterman doesn't pay attention. “Are you not feeling satisfied with your work? It could be that you feel a little unappreciated.” Before he could respond, Coyle feels his hat being taken off his head. Easterman places the hat on the desk and then extends his hand. "Just what in the hell you think yer do-O-ooooh…”

When the policeman feels fingers slip into his hair, he lets out a low, deep groan.He shudders as nails burrow into his scalp in a quite pleasurable manner. "D-Don't need you doin- S-S-ssstop it." Coyle whines but does not attempt to get away from the touches. Instead, he begins to sink deep into his seat, a satisfied expression on his face. "You are such a good cop, Leland. The best. "You are doing an excellent job." He hears the doctor purr into his ear. A slim hand reaches beneath his chin and begins to scratch gently. "Take your boots off the desk." Coyle does so without barking an insult.

"That’s a good boy, Leland." Hearing the police officer's foot tapping on the floor, the doctor smiles a little. It reminded him of when you itch a dog precisely in the exact place. Coyle gives a barely audible reply, then chuckles deeply and shuts his eyes.

The doc was right. He is a good police officer. The finest around. If he was going to be receiving attention like this, he was going to work even harder for the doctor.

[nem0-kn0ws-n0t]

Hermit Permits- or Hermitconomics101

I would just like to start off by saying I adore the concept. It's perfect. But also, I'm a massive nerd and I wanna talk about it.This is such a fascinating little economic model. Like, the usual hermitcraft economy is already so fascinating.

Warning-Long post! Also might Slightly skew your perspective of the Gimmick.

At first Glance, the Hermitcraft economy is the epitome of a Perfect Market economy -the basic selling/buying market you think of when thinking of markets-which has a few requirements

1. Homogenous products: gunpowder from Doc's shop is the same gunpowder from Tango's or Iskall or whoever sells it

2. No barriers to entry and exit: anyone can decide to sell. The technology's there. Any hermit can decide to make a farm or manually harvest something, set up shop and sell

3. Sellers are Price takers: If say, X and False are both selling copper ingots (for example), and X prices his higher than False (and they both keep their shops stocked), Hermits will buy from False. So X has to price the same (or lower but shhhh) than False.

4. Product Transparency: If you pay 1 diamond for a stack of iron blocks, you know you're getting 1 stack of iron. (usually) no shenanigans involved

And now the interesting point->

5. Many sellers- In a perfect competition market, the market is usually saturated with sellers, to the point that everyone needs to price the same, or at exactly the cost of production (or whatever needs to be to have the last seller joining the market to have economic profit of 0 but that's real hard to count in diamonds). Usually, this is done by having many firms coming in (free market remember) and undercutting each other until it's at the point where Supply is equal to Demand (yes, exactly the graph you're thinking of). In hermits' case, rarely is there more than one shop for an item unless there is an obnoxious amount of demand for it, and often, they'll buddy up in the same shop and split the profits and the work (I'm thinking of all the wood groups) for the highly in demand items. (More on that later).

So the sellers aren't usually competing with other hermits to sell resources- they're competing with the hermits' other way of procuring resources- The Endless Grind

Think about it- The rule of thumb for establishing the scope of a market (and its competition) is to ask yourself- where do I go if the shop becomes too expensive? In our real-life situation, we go to other shops- hermits just roll up their pixilated sleeves and get to work themselves. They are the alternative. (or Lag but stealing throws off all economic models so we're assuming it doesn't exist.)

A hermit shop, to have sales, needs to price its resources low enough that other hermits will see it as a better (cheaper) alternative than acquiring it themselves.

But Nemo, I hear you ask, isn't it always going to be cheaper to collect the material themselves? All the hermits already have all the tools/technology they'd need to get the resources they'd want, so shops wouldn't work.

But they do work, every season hermits "get rich" which implies there's something "wrong" with my model, which there is.

It's Time. That's the main currency in Hermitcraft.

Any hermits can decide to get any amount of resources with no real limit except Time. Sure, some hermits are more likely to build farms and have it done quicker than others, but all of them can decide to pick up a tool and just grind away (which they do, often). The point of the shops is to be convenient. You could spend 3 hours getting 15 stacks of oak wood, but you could also drop 30 diamonds at Ren's shop and get that done in less than a minute. Which, when you're a content creator on a tight deadline, already spending hours upon hours just building and editing and living outside of work, time is precious. So Time is the real trading currency on HC.

And so there comes a wrench in the plan as you have 2 "types" of goods- you have the Sellers' resources (that cost you diamonds but less time) and your own resources (which cost you Time but fewer diamonds)

Which invalidates point 3. Price Takers- There are 2 very different prices, which you are willing to pay at different times to different degrees. Somedays, they grind somedays they pay.

And thus, there goes the perfect competition model-

~~And in comes Monopolistic competition.

Now, listen to me, this is crucial ish- this is not the same as a Monopoly.

Monopolies imply there is 1 seller. 1. there is 1 way of acquiring the good (at this point in time) (everything is taken as if time is held constant). YouTube has a monopoly on hermitcraft videos (kind of). You can't watch Hermitcraft videos anywhere else, as the hermits don't upload their videos on other websites. If YouTube started charging 10000$ per video watched, you probably wouldn't watch hermit videos anymore. That's a monopoly.

Monopolistic competition is when a few firms sell slightly different products. Think Pepsi and Coca-Cola. They're functionally the same thing (don't @/me for this), but they both still work as companies, because people tend to prefer one over the other.

And thus our model. A monopolistic competitive market.

The real competition was not store vs store (unless for the bit), it was Sellers vs the Grind.

(There are also sunk cost fallacies exhibited, when hermits make their own farms for materials they know they'll need a lot of, which then reduces the time spent, especially with AFK'ing, thus the active time spent being reduced but server time still fluctuating but that can be hermitconomics 102 lmao)

But Back to this season-

With the introduction of Hermit Permits (which, is such a fun term, I wouldn't be surprised if they came up with that first before the concept) they are forcing there to be a single official seller. But hermits are still able to collect their own resources and make their own farms. So the market stays the same.

Which is probably not what you were expecting was it. All this fanfare but theoretically, the model doesn't change. It might change the point at which a hermits decides it's better to grind it out instead of spending diamonds, but not the theory.

But here's the second hole in this theory.

One of the first assumptions one makes about any market model is that everyone involved wants to maximize profits. (which irl, is making the most money).

But the same was as the real currency is Time, the real Profit for Hermits is Content (and engagement, and a whole bunch of parasocial scales to do with audience retention but I'm an economic major, not a sociology or business student damn it, we'll stick with Content) .

Theoretically, nothing changes in the economic model, but the result changes. The potential to change things up is massive, simply because they at least superficially changed something. Rebranding something, in a way that shakes up previously established norms- That's what they're getting out of it. Forcing people to do content about things they normally wouldn't even touch, which inspires viewers to be invested, so see our favourite blorbos overcome the challenge. It's a narrative device.

(If anything, I'd expect this to actually "promote the economy" as hermits would be motivated to stock up their shops, thus making more farms/farm building episodes, or the competition occurring from additional permits being circulated.)

So yeah. Hermitconomics 101- The not-so-perfect competition. Sorry If I burst some bubbles, I just think it's fascinating.

Thanks for reading to the bottom!

TL:DR :This is gonna be so fun, and the hermit economy makes economists everywhere cry

[komorebiboo]

SOME WRITING TIPS I COLLECTED DURING MY (SHORT) WRITING JOURNEY:

(I wanna specify I'm not a professional and still have a lot to learn)

plan the WHOLE story ahead. Write all the details down on a google doc or a piece of paper, yeah even the useless one. Trust me, your memory is not good enough to remember it all.

do a character sheet! You need to understand perfectly the way your character think, act, speak, and look. Here's an example of a good character sheet I found on Pinterest

DON'T THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT YOUR FIRST DRAFT. Being a perfectionist, I wanted all my drafts to be perfect at first take. Needles to say, coming up with a good paragraph became less and less enjoyable and more and more of a pain in the ass. Luckily I found a solution: stop thinking. Just write every word that comes to your mind. It doesn't have to be coherent (as long as it follows the main plot points you planned for the chapter), it doesn't have to be good-written, just put down ideas and LATER organise them. It made the process much more entertaining to me.

use comic sans font. It might sound dumb, but writing in comic sans improve significantly my writing skills. Bonus points if I'm writing in blue (a color that stimulate the creative part of your brain).

trick your brain into wanting to write. For example, I use music. I'm writing a fanfiction about a post-apocalyptic world, so whenever I feel lazy or unmotivated I put the TLOU soundtrack on my computer and suddenly feel super creative. The "trigger" could be anything, a color, a tv show, a particular image (I highly suggest making a pinterest board).

If you post on ao3, pay attention to the tags! So many good fics get lost because the author didn't put the right tags. If you don't know how to tag your work, just google the meaning of each tag. Reddit do wonders.

This is everything for now, I'll add more if I forgot something ☆

[lionmythflower]

evan rosier headcanons under the cut

Twins w pandora

He has a chinchilla (its name is dusty, barty helped name it)

He's rlly good friends w remus

In a book club w lily, remus,dorcas and regulus

He's Canadian

So he kinda had a very slight American accent

Sleeps and listens to music on long car rides

Knows Canadian French

Asexual

either gay or bi

Poc

has a tattoo of "bcjr" on his neck or shoulder (barty has a matching one of "Rosie")

Would love MARINA and Florence + the Machines

Was probably more of an ABBA fan then a queen fan

lily got him into music like ABBA and Remus got him into music like David Bowie

Would also love Arctic Monkey

Would love makeup

Has those star eyeliner stamps and he absolutely rocks them

Bigender (stole this hc from someone can't remember who at that moment)

probally goes by he/they pronouns

Pandora and Evan steal each other's clothes sm that they don't know who's is who's at this point

So ppl are like " wasn't pandora wearing that the other day?" and evan will be like "idk maybe?" And vise versa

Would love Greek mythology

Has heterochromia and his eyes are blue and green so he's is looking at u like 🔵_🟢 (O_O) (pandora also has eyes like that)

"you have heterophobia in ur eyes" "...you mean heterochromia?" "no" (barty and evan)

i feel like he would be able to play like 3 instruments and would love love love music sm

Has so. Many. Ear. Piercings.

Lace and fishnet gloves

RINGS

Evan, pandora, Dorcas, regulus, and Barty all wear rings and they all js like share rings

Would love fairy tale retellings

100% read song of Achilles and sobbed

His parents are like really that mean js very strict and they don't really give him enough privacy and it's suffocating

Has sensory overloads sometimes and he will just cling to Barty or Pandora bc they both make him feel safe when it's too much

Also has panic attacks

Says things like "I wanna kms" and ppl think he's joking but he's really not

Baggy clothes

layers his clothes a lot

had like three sweatshirts/sweaters that he LOVES

eating disorder (idk which one but he definitely has one)

Constantly has a headache

Is actually rlly su!sidal but he's only told like 2 ppl (probably Pandora and reg or barty)

Either never gets sick or gets sick every month (depends on the year)

Doesn't like talking abt his problems

Will not ask for help unless he has basically given up

Is rlly smart

He's like everything smart but doesn't really care abt math or science

That one kid who's reading and not paying attention the entire class and then gets an A on every test

He's parents don't really care about grades but he does and he gets really stressed abt grades

Would 100% be that person that you wouldn't think would be a feminist and then someone makes a rude comment abt women and he would go off on them

Very pretty

Always cold. Always

Would have loved all the movies that Millie Bobby Brown is in (Enola Holmes, and Damsel mainly)

Would love ppl doing his nails (even though he's good at doing it himself)

doc martins

Would have converse and would draw on them

Has so many books (both barty and evan rant to each other abt the books they read)

Would have adhd but more of the not able to focus side

He's nail polish is almost always chipped bc they pick at it w/o even realizing he's doing it

would have so many bracelets

Hates silence but hates loud noise even more

Had earbuds in 24/7

"Look at the moon! :0" no matter what phase the moon is in (does the same thing w the sky)

Would get sooo happy when ever he was in a place where u can clearly see the stars at night bc "omg look, you can see the stars! Their so pretty!!!"

They're so energetic but also so laid back

Pretty much all or nothing for everything (emotions, activities, relationship etc.)

Really good at drawing

normally types in all lowercase so he doesn't come off as intimating

Evan and pandora probably made fun of the pure blood stereotypes so much

(I've made by point abt this hc a lot but I'mma say it again) : Evan and regulus arguing over the pronouncing of different French words bc Evan is Canadian French and Regulus is European French lol

He's an introvert you can't tell me otherwise

Was almost put into ravenclaw bc he was arguing w the sorting hat and it was like "ok valid points, ur probably a ravenclaw" and then Evan told the hat to go fuck itself and it put him in Slytherin 💀

Definition of a keyboard smash idk how to explain it

Would have loved Pinterest

wow this is really long. I'mma make one of these for Peter later :)

[allmylittlepauliesandschemes]

3 Tips for Fanfic / AO3 Readers!

I love, love, love reading fanfic (McLennon, helllooooo).

Here are 3 ways to make your fanfic reading easier / more enjoyable since it's off the traditional publishing path:

If you love listening to Audiobooks, download NaturalReaders, upload a PDF of a fic & listen like it's on Audible. If you think you'll listen a lot, I highly recommend getting the Plus Subscription ($19/month). This is not an ad, btw, I don't get a kickback for this. But the Plus Subscription AI voices are so insanely realistic & expressive that you'll feel like you're listening to a human narrator. My personal favorite is Andrew (U.S.). If you don't want to pay, their free voices are fine - it just doesn't pass for human. (Bonus: I use this subscription for work & write it off on my taxes. Then I use it to read long/boring work docs. But duh, fanfic is the real reason I pay for it!) NaturalReaders is my favorite way to consume long fics while I'm cleaning/cooking/driving, including and especially my current fav, On Our Way Back Home. One tip, though: If you wanna listen to a particularly long fic, like hundreds of pages long, it's easier if you split it up into a couple of files before you upload it. It will load much faster and it's easier to manage since it won't have chapter markings like on Audible.

Download AO3 files on Kindle. You probably already know this - but I didn't realize, until recently, how incredibly easy this is!! Here's how: - Download the Kindle App on your phone / iPad. - Open AO3 and download any fics to read as an EPUB file. - If you've downloaded these files on your computer, airdrop to your iPhone or iPad. If you've downloaded on your phone you won't have to do this step. - Go to your downloads or whatever folder it’s saved to. - Click the file with a long hold then select to "Share to Kindle." - Make any changes you want to the title / author's name and then click upload! It'll be available on your phone/ipad in a few minutes. Just like a regular Kindle book you can highlight, annotate, change font size / color, etc. 3. Keep your fics organized on Kindle with "Collections." "Collections" are essentially themed folders on your Kindle. I use them to sort fics into categories: unread, currently reading, and favorite fics that I'm excited to re-read! I also sort based on fandom / length. So "Short McLennon Unread" or "Favorite McLennon to Reread." You could use the folders however you want, of course. One advantage of this is that you can batch upload dozens or hundreds of fics on your phone / iPad and then find which one you want more easily. I love, love, love doing this before an international trip so my Kindle is always fully loaded with hours of McLennon entertainment. Sorry, not sorry to anyone reading over my shoulder on a flight. Do you have any fanfic reading tips for me? I'd love to hear them :)

[cherriesfromeden]

bruce yamada with a reader who fights a lot pt. 2

...

[style : headcanons]

[requested : yes]

[pairing : bruce yamada x fem!reader]

...

UGH I LOVE HIM

okay so this is a continuation for how y'all met <3

if you haven't read it - read pt 1

so he's probably heard of you/knows who you are but has never actually talked to you

like he's heard your name around school but he just doesn't really pay close attention to it

but then he gets held after school for something the teacher needed help with

cause bruce is an angel who never gets in trouble

anyway so he's a little late coming out of school

and he hears a bunch of yelling coming from the back of the school so he goes over to check it out

low and behold

it's you

in a fight

you 🤝 fighting

your opponent is this giant asshole bully

he probably said something behind robin's back in front of you

and now you best believe you're throwing hands

so you are just whipping this guy's ass and bruce is standing there like 🧍

bc wtf???

how did he not notice you before???

you look so pretty when you're beating the shit out of someone <3

so after you finish with him you grab the guy by the shirt and say

'say anything about my best fucking friend again and you'll wish this is all i do to you'

and drop him to the ground and walk away like a badass !!

the guy : destroyed

the crowd : going wild

bruce's jaw : dropped

road work : ahead

someone take my computer away from me😭

moving on

the next day bruce is asking everyone who you are and he's like

'wait it was that one girl???'

and keeps an eye out for you hoping he'll see you again sometime

luck is on his side (who wouldn't be)

and he meets you again walking toward the baseball field

cause you usually swing by there to see what's happening in the games and move on

but he sees you and waves at you

then he's like

'shit she doesn't know my name'

but you walk over and go

'bruce right? i've seen you play, you're really good'

HE HAS REACHED CLOUD NINE

'you have?'

'yeah i watch the games sometimes, i'm y/n'

'hey do you want to walk with me to school tomorrow? i can meet you here'

bruce shooting his shot

and no surprise

'sure, don't be late'

'i won't dw'

the walk to school has so much tension you could cut a knife through it

he's debating asking you out in a more straightforward way when he catches a glimpse of your bruised knuckles

'ooh, wanna get some ice for that? looks bad'

BAM

second date (kinda) scored

'sure, patch me up doc'

'ofc'

[asche237]

You were just a bet (pt 2)

~Description:You found out you were just a bet and something happens to you that you couldn’t even believe it~

Doctor = Purple

You = Green

Pt 1

Warning: Mentions of deadly disease, some blood,and mentions of death(barley), if you are uncomfortable with these topics pls don’t read! (lmk if I miss any!)

After you heard everything you put the bag of food on the floor in front of the door not even bothering to knock or let Tengen and the others know you were there and you quickly walked out of the house. You ran quickly covering your face hoping everyone around you didn’t see your crying face. When you got home you fell onto the ground and bursted crying your eyes out when suddenly you coughed, which didn’t surprise you but when you opened your eyes you saw flower petals on the floor. You were confused on why there were flower petals on the floor but just then you cough again but more harshly and you see more flowers along with some blood.

You were confused and a bit concerned so you went to the bathroom and cleaned your face. After cleaning your face you go to a town doctor and after a while of talking and the doctor giving you worried looks by what you tell him he looks at you and says “I’m very sorry to tell you this but you have Hanahaki Disease…” you were confused on why he was so worried so you ask “what is Hanahaki Disease and why do you look so worried…?” The doctor then proceeded to tell you “A person can catch Hanahaki Disease when they experience unrequited love, meaning that the person they have a crush on doesn't love them back. From everything that you are telling me you might just have Hanahaki Disease…” You looked stunned and afraid. “Is there any way you can confirm this..? What if it’s a misunderstanding?” you spoke trying not to scream but you are panicking. “Now, please remain calm, to make sure this isn’t a misunderstanding I could run some tests right now. Would you like that?” The doctor says to you in a calm tone. “Yes please doctor…” you say trying to calm down.

After a couple of minutes of the doctor trying to get everything the doctor finally runs the tests and after 15 minutes of waiting the doctor comes back looking disappointed..? Or maybe sad… The doctor sighs and looks at you and says “I’m very sorry to inform you but you do have Hanahaki Disease.” You nearly cried “Okay… Okay doc is there anything you could do to cure this?” you asked hoping there was a way for you to live. “Sadly no unless you can get your crush to love you I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do…” the doctor says. You sigh “Thank you for letting me know doc.” you say before you pay the doctor and begin walking home until you start coughing harshly and some blood along with some flower petals. You knew this wasn’t going to end good…

To be continued…

Taglist: @k-cris

Just for you to know if u wanna repost feel free to do so

[scoobydoodean]

So I did a poll on this not that long ago, but now that I have finished 3.15 on this rewatch, I thought I'd give my two cents on what Sam was planning in terms of using Doc Benton's alchemy to make himself and Dean immortal. I think the following details are pretty damn important.

First, Sam lies to Dean about his sense about the case. He does so by omission—he "neglects" to state that he thinks Doc Benton is responsible for the bodies that are turning up and lets Dean believe they're hunting zombies. But Sam knew this was Doc Benton—or at least he heavily suspected it. This is why, when the coroner shows them the latest victim has been cut with the precision of a scalpel, not teeth, Sam starts to look excited. Of course, Sam also admits he suspected Benton all along after Dean confronts him about it. Sam denies it at first but does a bad job of covering his dishonesty because he's not very good at lying to Dean. Now—one possible interpretation here is that Sam "didn't want to get Dean's hopes up". Sam sort of implies this when he says, "I didn't wanna say anything until I was sure". But... Sam thought they were dealing with Benton, and given that John had had a previous run-in with Benton, it actually would have been extremely easy to convince Dean to go on this case without lying about who the M.O. was actually suggesting to Sam. Which to me, means... maybe not wanting to get Dean's hopes up is what Sam tells himself, but... it's not a particularly logical or sensible explanation. Sam could have easily concealed his interest in Benton's alchemy while admitting he thought it was Benton from the get go.

The reason I think Sam doesn't admit it is at least partly that he wants to slowly ease Dean into the idea of studying Benton's alchemy. He (rightly I think) assumes that Dean isn't going to like what Doc Benton does, and the longer Dean has to think about Doc Benton and what exactly he does, and the longer Dean is in "hunter" mode with Benton as his targeted prey, the more disgusted and wrathful Dean's going to become. Sam thinks that if he can direct the narrative a little, where they're "stumbling" across a possible method of saving Dean, he can warm Dean up to the idea of looking into Benton's science—science that Sam knows is very likely to involve some really fucked up shit.

This leads me to a second important detail, which is how exactly Sam thinks this immortality thing "buying them time" is going work:

I mean, we're talking hell in three weeks. Or needing a new pancreas in like half a century...

But... this is argument is predicated upon a completely false premise. There are two things Sam and Dean both know without a shadow of a doubt at this point in time:

Hell hounds are coming for Dean in three weeks and they're going to rip his body to shreds.

Nothing about Benton's method of achieving immortality prevents his body from being torn to pieces. That's the entire reason he's been harvesting people's organs for decades in the first place. Parts get damaged or start falling apart, and then Benton has to replace them.

So when Sam refers to a pancreas Dean's going to need in "half a century", he is completely denying a very obvious reality. It isn't going to be 50 years. It's going to be three weeks, and then Dean's going to be torn apart, and then he is going to need a whole slew of new body parts and organs. In other words, when Sam refers to some pancreas Dean is going to need in 50 years, he is either stupid, fully in denial because he's so desperate to find a way to save Dean, or is basically shouting, "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" hoping Dean won't catch onto the very inconvenient flaw in Sam's plan.

Personally, I don't think Sam is stupid. I also don't think his initial attempts to conceal who he thought was the culprit in the case he found lend to reading this in a way where Sam doesn't actually grasp the consequences.

In 3.11 Mystery Spot, we saw Sam say "Then let's go get some" when Not!Bobby said they could summon Gabriel to get revenge for Dean by finding someone and bleeding them dry for a spell. And we'll see Sam make more plays, going forward, where yes, other people might bite it so his brother can live... but that's a sacrifice Sam is willing to make.

That said, my personal opinion of what Sam was really thinking in 3.15 actually falls somewhere between Sam being in denial and Sam very much understanding the consequences of the plan he's forming and being okay with those consequences. I think in a sense, both are true. On the one hand, I think Sam knew deep down exactly what he was willing to do to keep Dean alive. On the other hand, I don't think Sam ever looked at his own reflection in the mirror on this. Sam suggesting Dean won't need an organ for 50 years and they're just "buying time" somehow isn't just what Sam wants Dean to believe so maybe he'll agree... it's what Sam needs to believe too as he slowly eases himself into the idea of using Benton's alchemy.

[bogosbintedthealien]

Mari Lives AU

OwO? What's this? The 25th Mari Lives AU you've seen?

You bet your ass it is. And I got brain rot to air out. Okay, so these are notes straight out of my Google Docs'. I wanna write a couple chapters first before I start posting. I think I wrote my notes too neatly instead of line of consciousness like I usually do that I wanna post them here.

Okay so my idea is that Mari lives, they drag her to bed and she wakes up and gets them to call an ambulance but makes them swear on her version of events. 

She tripped down the stairs while arguing bc she wasn’t paying attention and Basil walked in as she fell down the stairs. She’s so scared that they’re (CPS) gonna take away Sunny if anyone finds out he pushed her. Or that their parents will disown him. 

When the ambulance comes Basil said the same things Mari does and Sunny goes non-verbal from stress and shock. He’s shielding Sunny. 

At the hospital she’s told her ribs and spine took some hits and that she’s going to be wheelchair bound for a while. It’ll take months of phy therapy to regain the ability to walk. She’s not happy about this but at least her family is still together. And since no one but the 3 knew Sunny pushed her the others won’t hate him for this. They all think she fell on her own. 

She just wants everything to stay the same.  

Sunny doesn’t take the news well. He feels and thinks that he’s ruined his sister’s life. He’s convinced she’ll never walk again and that he's taken that away from her. He ends up having a mental breakdown soon after Mari is discharged from the hospital and gouges his right eye out with a spoon. 

Mari is absolutely distraught and terrified over this and won’t leave her brother alone if she can help it after this. 

Has a breakdown while Sunny is sleeping on her lap to Hero. She ends up yelling at him before calming down. Hero brings her away to get her to relax. 

I imagine she has to use a cane after her physical therapy is mostly over and she relearns how to walk. She still has the wheelchair in case she is too tired or her back starts hurting or she pushes herself too much. I think she’d have those low back accessibility wheelchairs. And a foldable metal cane that pairs w/ her wheelchair and a glossy finish wooden one for her normal walking cane.

Above are the notes I initially made at like 2am and below are notes I made days later:

Okay so obv Mari needs her room moved to the first floor since she can’t get up the stairs anymore for a long time so the piano room is now her room (later her old room gets turned into a painting room for Sunny!). Sunny starts sleepwalking after his incident and at first it’s just him walking around in his room or walking to the door of the upstairs bathroom and waking up. One night when Mari was getting a glass of water, she noticed in the dim light that there’s a small figure standing at the top of the stairs. When he doesn’t react to her questions, she realizes he must be sleepwalking again. She starts getting worried and yells for him to wake up which he does alongside their parents who put him back to bed. This unlocks a new anxiety in Mari and one day gets a nightmare that Sunny sleepwalks to the top of the stairs and she’s at the base unable to get up to him and he crumples to the bottom. In the nightmare there’s a horrible sound when this happens and blood pools around him (skull cracked) and she just throws herself out of her wheelchair and screams as she holds him, unable to help. This deeply bothers her for days and she eventually voices this to Hero who suggests she should just ask that Sunny move to room with her like he does w/ Kel. Also the door would have a lock, she can keep an eye on him, and lastly could use the excuse to her parents that it’ll make it easier to have Sunny help her with tasks (she doesn't like how they’ve been making him do so much for her. She hates the infantilizing her parents are putting on her and thinks Sunny shouldn’t be forced to do so many chores rn. He isn’t in the right headspace for that [haha pun]). 

Some small details I must put in are like Sunny having to cope/make up with his new lack of depth perception. At first there were some things he broke or damaged bc he’s having trouble judging the distance between the object he’s putting down and the surface he’s putting it on. So bc of this he kinda gets banned from the kitchen after destroying plates and cups on accident when having to make Mari her meals. 

Also like Mari still trying to do things on her own and constantly trying to reach out to Sunny to like hold his hand or even give him a kiss to the forehead or cheek bc she’s scared for his well being and kinda neglects her own mental health in the process. Which leads that to fall on Hero which does eventually take a toll on him worrying about everyone so much but he pushes his feelings to the back so they can lean on him. He reasons at these tough times he has to be the ‘stable’ one. Like, isn’t that kinda his character? I think most write him like this. 

(The siblings don’t get therapy for their mental health bc their father doesn’t believe in that stuff and would get deeply embarrassed and think it would be shameful if ppl hear they were going to it bc then his kids are ‘crazy’ or ‘smth’s wrong w/ them’. The mother doesn't agree w/ this but dad got the final say on this.) I may or may not be projecting cough cough. Man since I’m in the crowd that headcanons the siblings as Asian-Americans w/ shitty parents (dad is the Asian immigrant parent while mother is white or white-mixed? ) imma project so much baby!

Which leads into the fact I have a cooking scene planned! Mari, Sunny, and Hero try their hand in cooking rendang since Mari has this southeast-asian cookbook she got as a gift (yes im ref-ing the one I have irl. Also shut up, im projecting and it’s like my fav food DON'T TOUCH ME!) and wants to try smth. She picks at random. She gives Sunny very easy tasks to help them. And she notices how slow and controlled Sunny is when put things to the counter and it makes her heart clench that he’s so focused on it and scared to mess things up. She’s more eye level with the counter so she’s doing all the measuring. Just needs to tilt her head to read the numbers ez. Anytime she backs up she makes sure to look behind her so she doesn’t run over the boys. Maybe make a funny and that the end result dish is meh bc they used a bad cheap brand of coconut milk. (idk I never cooked my mother did all that)

Also in this AU, Basil is always hanging at their place bc Sunny only talks verbally by whispering in Basil’s or Mari’s ear. He’s only signs nowadays which makes Mari sad bc he made so much progress over the years with talking verbally to his friends and now it’s back to square one like when they first moved to Faraway Town (w/ the expectation of Basil since he knows). 

Some small things of note are like Basil getting real close w/ Sunny now and Kel kinda feeling left out (they are 12).

Earlier on Sunny has a point where he tries to avoid touching Mari as much as possible which she def notices and shakes Basil down for details bc she knows they’ve been stuck together like pb&j recently. Eventually he conceits that Sunny is scared of hurting her anymore/again and this breaks her heart. She straightens things out by sitting her brother down and talking to him. I want this to be a heart to heart scene. If I'm not sobbing when writing then what’s the point? 

For later chapters I want Sunny to start coping by painting. But hehe, he’s not painting cute things. Spooky things, creepy, scary, gorey, whatever you get the point. It’s like how he gets his emotions and worries and frustrations out. His way of venting (more healthily!). Ofc there are some more ‘normal’ things he takes to painting. Like landscapes and ppl on hills, or ballerinas, just flowy fabric stuff. It’s calming for him. And what he can show to others/family. (Basil gets to see all his art and is kinda off put by it at first but kinda shakes it off for Sunny’s sake. When Mari finds out, Sunny gets upset bc he thinks she’ll react badly bc he knows their parents would but she just kinda brushes it off bc if it makes her brother happy or is therapeutic then she has no qualms. As long as it’s not physically harming him.)

Below are snippets from a discord convo I had w/ a friend after I showed her my notes and she helped me bounce some ideas! (Friend-Red) (Me-Orange)

I think Mari’s lack of going out and about should start to slowly ruin Mari and Aubrey’s friendship. Aubrey wants to play with the two but because Sunny is basically mute and Mari is wheelchair bound, they can’t really. And this leads to Aubrey becoming the bad bitch she is when she gets older?

Omg true. Mari can’t go out to play anymore/it’s hard to bc it’s difficult to push her wheelchair in non-concrete areas especially since her arms aren’t used to it yet.

Sunny shuts down for awhile and when he starts to feel better he doesn’t speak to her anymore and maybe bc he still whispers to basil and mari she takes it personally?

Hero and Basil are often at the siblings house, Kel really the only ones that’s sticking around her in her pov

I think maybe Kim should befriend her during these times too and it’ll be a trio of her, Kim, and Kel until the others start joining them again

You planning to keep the Aubrey/Sunny crush thing around or you gonna shift it to her crushing on Kel? 👀 I know Aubrey and kel are fairly popular ship. Enemies to lovers type beat

I didn’t think about that. I was gonna be tagging this fic with Mari/Hero bc I am basic and proud and minor sunflower (basil/Sunny) but it won’t be much besides like implying that basil has a crush on him and Sunny is like kinda codependent? They are 12 so nothing serious XD as for Aubrey,,, maybe

Smth like she feels more betrayed because she had a crush on him and he’s not relying on her? And she knew that he liked her back

[helluvabossrewrite45]

A bit ago I made my own rewrite of Millie as a challenge and ended up loving her so much I put her into my own project (adjusted so there's no copyright infringement and she fits \w world-building)

I seriously think Viv doesn't want to put any effort into characterizing Millie. Like I don't think she's bad at it, I just think she doesn't want to.

Even outside of a text in a doc form of characterizing, there are ways in visual media to add depth to your character. Random scene to explain my thoughts, I.m.p. Having a meeting to plan things before a murder: Wanna characterize Millie as an overzealous maniac? Have her rocking back and forth in her chair, pumped up, ready to go the exact second they finish up. Wanna make her sweet and caring to contrast her fucked up job? Make her take notes, nod along, and when they head out have her check up with everyone. Is she better at her job than the others and knows it? Have her pay attention during the planning parts but more distance during unimportant pieces, weapons laid out on the table to pick the very best one for the job. JUST SOMETHING PUT SOMETHING THERE, PLEASE!!!

The way other characters are around her doesn't help.

Moxxie could be the one thing holding her back from trying to clear out every ring and so he intervenes anytime shes slightly annoyed, blitz could see her as a rival for murder or a scapegoat for everything, Sallie Mae could be by her side the entire time she's on screen, striker could respect her for her strength and loyalty but hate her for the fact she's a suck up to royalty or too energetic or because she's a wild card, Loona could have her as the only person she shares a hobby with and being a slightly protective cus of it, her parents could be overly doting and ask if she's been taking care of herself and acting less self-sacrificial, Chaz could avoid her the entire episode out of fear and then have his fear be justified during the wedding! These are the ideas I thought up in 20 minutes, and you don't have to change much for the antagonists or her family!

Like even her design shows literally nothing! Jack. Shit.

Wacky hairstyle, scars, more than 2 colors, any thought put into the outfit at all, accessories, Body type (to an extent), posing, anything!!! That's all I'm gonna say about design cus I could go all day with the hypotheticals because there's SO FUCKING LITTLE TO HER I CANT EVEN RUN WITH WHAT'S THERE!!! I have to make up things about her just to demonstrate how little Viv has tried with even the most BASIC characterization. There's nothing to Millie, not even poorly written things, just actually nothing!!! I've seen characters who can be summarized with a handful of words, don't have a single line of dialogue, and have a backstory that's a sentence long be characterized better than her!!!

It's actually a bit impressive how little Viv has tried! It's like she's actively avoided giving her even the slightest base-level character!

Millie is a plot device to clean up blitz and moxxies messes.

.

[regicide1997]

I've resolved that I'll have to wait at least until my next paycheck to start HRT (probably sourcing the hormones thru alternative methods, still need to find a doc to do blood work).

If I have to be the one driving Kaleigh back to Michigan after zir hearing, I'll need about $60 or so for gas money.

There's a local concert I wanna go to this Friday that's about $15. (And another on Saturday that's $10, but pay what you can.) It may seem frivolous, but it's cheaper than therapy, and the money supports the local scene.

And then there's the problem of finding Kaleigh a new place to stay (see my pinned post). If we can get enough for a motel from May 28th until my next paycheck (probably June 1st), I can help zir pay up to $500/month ($125/week) of rent. We need to find a place, preferably in (southern) Michigan, that 1.) doesn't care about criminal background, and 2.) will understand that even though the tenant doesn't have stable income, rent will be paid by a friend who does.

With that in mind, we also need to raise enough for the motel from May 28th until my next paycheck; this will likely cost at least $200.

[stepswowdsen]

【KagePro】 KuroEne Shibari (Rope Bondage) + Maid Kuroha plays with Ene (NSFW) 🖤💙

(CW: NSFW)

Kuroha teases Ene with a vibrator (NSFW)

It just came to mind but ngl it'd be cool to draw a long forked snake tongue variant of this doodle as well. It'd be quick to draw as well.

I think the 1st one with the smug grin fits more, but both are nice ^^

KuroEne Scenario Ideas (NSFW)

Kuroha teases Ene with a vibrator

Maid Kuroha plays the roleplay game with Ene

Kuroha ties Ene up with mild shibari (rope bondage)

Sen's Meow Meow Mfs

Masc charas I don't play about: Meow meow mfs 🐈‍⬛🖤🤍

Evil/morally bankrupt little guy!

(Tbh my faves are usually giant…)

Though I have faves who are average height too, like Hibari and Judar

Douman (FGO): 200 cm (6'7")

Hibari (KHR): 169 cm (5'7")

Xanxus (KHR): 188 cm (6'2")

Idate (WATGBS AU): 185 cm (6'1")

Judar (Magi): 173 cm (5'8")

Kuroha/Saeru (KagePro): 182 cm (6'0")

Note: While possessing Konoha's body

I'll put my previous ramble posts under the cut since this post is based on my previous posts. I'll also put my new ideas under the cut too

Anyways I think putting a Content Label and Read more before posting NSFW is a good idea cuz it gives people the option whether they want to opt into seeing it and a warning beforehand so they don't get jumpscared by it (like if you're in public or something)

I prefer clothed intimacy most of the time like it just looks sexier to me. Since the charas are fully clothed, it's pretty tame and nothing explicit is showing but putting a warning cuz the context is NSFW

Anyways I'm trying to practice drawing NSFW cuz I wanna get good at it one day 🙏

Normally I post rambles that I prepared in advance to post cuz I just copy paste them from my Notion docs but I felt sleepy yesterday so I didn't post them before. So I'm just gonna post some stuff I had in mind Ig

Gonna put a warning cuz the doodles are fully clothed intimacy, but REALLY NSFW.

Anyways I'm glad I'm getting better at drawing NSFW ^^

These are much better than my doodles from 2021 - 2022 (which I won't even show cuz they look like doodoo)

Maid Kuroha plays the roleplay game with Ene (NSFW)

Kuroha teases Ene with a vibrator (NSFW)

Kuroha teases Ene with a vibrator (NSFW)

It just came to mind but ngl it'd be cool to draw a long forked snake tongue variant of this doodle as well. It'd be quick to draw as well.

Also did an alt version where Kuroha has a long forked snake tongue

I think the 1st one fits more cuz I like the smug grin, but the 2nd one is also cool

I'm not really paying attention to the way the clothes are drawn in these since I just wanna get the basic idea down

I love their expression here hehe

Also just put the JP version this time cuz I prefer the text formatting in JP. It's easier to format text. I also included the cropped versions

Ene suspended by ropes (shibari rope bondage) (NSFW)

Kuroha/Saeru and Ene play a little game 🖤💙🐍🐇

KuroEne NSFW WIP

When Kuroha proposes wanting to play a game of shibari rope bondage and tying her up, Ene gets all embarrassed as usual, and then agrees to play with him.

Ene: YOU AND YOUR PERVERTED GAMES AGAIN!

Kuroha: I won't deny that. But knowledge comes from experience, right?

She makes him promise to just make it tight enough so that she doesn't fall, or anything, and that it only feels pleasurable and not painful. And Kuroha agrees with her terms.

I redrew Ene’s expression a few times but I’m pretty happy hehe

I still wanted it to be a comfortable position for her so I think this is ok.

Mild bondage is ok for me when it comes to ship intimacy 👍

I’m not into the heavy/extreme forms of it.

I’m not paying too much attention to the ropes so I just used a brush to get the basic idea down.

I'll also show the version without the rope brushes cuz it's covering the sketch

THIS IS FUEL FOR MY GAY ASS. YIPPEE!!!

Technically it’s just Ene but it’s KuroEne (implied). I didn’t know how to fit Kuroha into the piece so I’ll probably sketch something different with him. Like showing his reaction on the other side.

Or drawing both of them from side view, like when Kuroha walks up to her and leans in to touch her face gently while she's tied up.

Suspension bondage where Ene gets held up by ropes and has mild shibari (rope bondage) over her clothes 🥰💞

I was wondering whether to make the ropes black or red… Black, yellow, and red, are all Kuroha’s colours, so I think either is fine. I should probably add more ropes later.

Mf wants to see a needy Ene beg for him 🥰 Once he gets the reaction he wants, he’ll cut the rope that holds the vibrator in place, and then fuck her himself like that. When they’re done, he lets her down.

Ene: Let me down gently! Carry me! Ene is a delicate flower!

Ene: (//>3<//)

These two are so fun to write ship scenarios for, including ship intimacy… The pros of a guy that knows (almost) everything, can change his body into anything he wants, and is very open to experimenting in sex 👍

KuroEne AU: Maid Ene plays the roleplay game wtih Kuroha (NSFW)

Sadistic meow meow mf plays a game with Ene in a maid outfit where she does maid roleplay for him (ie. cleaning the room, making tea) while having a vibrator inside her and Kuroha sits back and messes with the settings. And when he's satisfied, he fucks her.

KuroEne AU: Maid Kuroha plays the roleplay game with Ene

I'll just summarize this. Ene wants to get "revenge" on Kuroha/Saeru for teasing her mercilessly last time. Last time being the above scenario I described ^^

Ene's attempts to embarrass and fluster Kuroha/Saeru just ends up flustering her more. Her forms of "punishment" for Kuroha/Saeru's "bad behaviour" (Him not doing what she wants, like him spilling paint all over the walls and floors when she tells him to clean), are not punishments at all for him.

Ene decides to "punish him" for making a mess, by face sitting on him and making him take it and ordering him to eat her out, but then just has a sudden realization to herself like "Wait a minute… Is this even a punishment for him???"

(It's not.)

Ene: I TOLD YOU TO CLEAN, NOT CAUSE A MESS!!!

Kuroha: Come now. Do you really think I'd let you have your fun with me, only for me to be a passive participant?

Kuroha: I don't want to make things TOO easy for you. That would simply be boring.

Kuroha: But, let me make one thing clear. I'll be sure to claim my reward after we’re done.

Ene: That’s just so like you… Ok, ok! We’ll take turns! It’s only fair!

Kuroha: Of course~ It’s only fair we both get what we want.

Ene: Just wait until you're the one getting teased!!! BRING IT ON!!!

...

Ene initially thought that embarrassing him would be EASY (a piece of cake), but it turns out that while he likes getting teased in intimacy, he has no sense of embarrassment. And she eventually realizes that and decides she needs to change her game plan.

(In Ene's mind -> He's a mega pervert)

Kuroha just shrugs cuz of course he has perverse tastes. But then simply says that knowledge comes from experience.

Ene thinks to herself that while she likes taking the reigns in bed, she's actually not as good at the "punishment games" type of intimacy that he (Kuroha) is.

Ene thinks she can tease and fluster Kuroha once he's the one playing maid/Servant for her, but as always, he is going along with her whims because it's fun for the both of them. He causes mischief because he doesn't want to make the game "too easy" for her.

I wasn't sure whether I wanted to include this but I had this idea where Ene starts mimicking what Kuroha did in their previous games

...

Just had this thought where Ene tells him to lift his maid's skirt up for him, and Kuroha notices and picks up on it like, "I see, I see… You're copying what I did, hm? Well, I don't mind." And then does as asked and lifts his skirt up. Ene looks down and goes like (.) when she sees that he's hard, and immediately turns red-faced. And then screams, "Don't you have any shame!?!?" (///)

If I were to draw this, I'd have one of those manga panels where it's just a view of the outside of the building/house, and a speech bubble of Ene screaming like $(&!@%!@!%@)!%@

And Kuroha starts laughing at how Ene's attempts to embarrass him are just embarrassing her more. Then says, "Is it really such a big deal? We've done it countless times before. I don't have such inhibitions."

And Kuroha just goes like, "But how could I resist such a sweet and alluring prey, hmm~? It's simply too tempting~ I can't wait to see the expressions you'll make~ It makes me aroused just thinking about it…! How you'll moan and whimper and twitch—"

And Ene just fumes red from embarrassment and goes like, "ANDDDD THAT'S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU!!!"

Like god this mf just says/does the most provocative shit to provoke her on purpose 😭

DAKLSKLDSKLDKLS this idea is so funny to me ngl

KuroEne Shibari (Rope Bondage) (NSFW)

Thinking about KuroEne shibari rope bondage with Ene with the rope ties over her clothes…

MOVE, KUROFUCKER, OUT OF THE WAY. I'M GAY!!!

It's still gonna be mild shibari though

It's not my thing for it to be super heavy.

I thought about the Outer Science MV, and how it's scattered with telephone poles and cords, and various junk heaps strewn across the backgrounds

Ngl it'd be cool if it's like…

Cuz I was trying to decide whether I wanted Ene to be tied up on the bed just with her arms on the bed (and her back on the bed), like usual sex positions

Or whether I wanted her to be suspended a bit (still in a comfortable position, though), where she's suspended in the air via ropes and held in place via his ropes and black aura spirals

I decided to go with mild suspension/hanging bondage. But I'm open to drawing both ^^

Cuz again I'm not into heavy/extreme kink stuff in my ships' bedroom intimacy.

Ene pouts and huffs at him that the ropes BETTER not come loose cuz it'd be super unsexy if she falls on the ground during sex, and Kuroha tells her not to worry because he's made sure the ropes are tight/secure enough and that he knows what he's doing.

[deke-rivers-1957]

Danny's Journey to a Better Life

It's my first day of therapy and I ain't got a clue on how to handle myself. I can't even give a proper greeting. I just walk in the door moping.

"What happened Danny?"

"Ain't you heard? I was in love with a beautiful girl named Ronnie but she got killed."

"Is that what brought you to therapy today?"

"Ain't that enough?"

"So let's break this down into a simple question. Danny why did you decide to come to therapy today?"

"Cos I been havin' a lotta nightmares lately."

"And what do you wish to accomplish today?"

"I wanna find out why them nightmares keep comin' back at me."

I spend the next half hour info-dumping. I dunno if I'm even doing this right but I just need to get it outta my system.

"Based on what you've told me, I have reason to believe that you have a lot of unprocessed trauma. That doesn't make you crazy, but it can have long term health effects if it continues to go unaddressed."

"Then once these things are processed, they'll go away? No more nightmares?"

"I can't guarantee that your nightmares will go away. I would hope that with therapy, you can learn how to better understand your feelings and move on."

"Will it stop me from being tired so much?"

"I suggest that you first rule out physical conditions that can cause sleeping issues."

"It feels like I'm gonna see something, Doc. Like there's something in the dark watching me."

A timer goes off

"Is that session over? I ain't done talkin'. I ain't done."

"I know, Danny. We had a very productive first session. I have an assignment that I want you to do before you decide to schedule our next session."

"What's that?"

"I want you to go to the doctor and ask for them to test you for any physical conditions that can trigger sleep disorders."

"Alright, Doc, I'll take care of it."

"That's great to hear Danny. I'm glad that you're willing to cooperate."

"I'll see you soon, Doc."

I leave the room and go to the front desk to talk to the receptionist. I wanna find a way to pay for this first session without going broke.

"Excuse me, miss, how much does Doctor King charge for therapy?"

"I have a form that you can fill out."

"Great. I'll take care of it right now. Thanks."

I look at the form. There’s no way I can pay $25 at a time, so I put 12 dollars a month. I figure it’s better than nothin’.

"Thanks. Do I owe you anything from my first session here?"

"Doctor King always provides his first consultation for free. If you decide to return as a full time client, then you will be expected to pay."

"I'll get here as soon as I can. Bye, miss."

I go home to my Pa and tell him about my consultation.

"Pa, I went to see that Doc like you wanted."

"How'd it go Danny? Do you think you'll go back?"

"Yeah, I’ll do that Pa, but I just need to know how we’re gonna pay for therapy. I can’t work no more because of my nightmares and I can’t sleep. I’M TIRED, Pa!"

He goes over to hug me.

"I know you are son. The first session was free so don’t worry about it. We’ll manage."

"Pa, I- I hope to hell that sleep test comes back with somethin’, y'know? I'm afraid it ain’t gonna and I got no money and I’m a burden."

"I’ll give them a call now and see what’s available."

"Pa, I don’t know what to do. I feel like the world’s crushin’ down on my shoulders. I feel like I'm fallin’ apart."

"You’re still young Danny. Ain’t even 21 yet. I think you need to let me be the father and do my responsibilities."

"And what are your responsibilities, Pa? Just puttin’ dinner on the table and roof over our head? You think that's all you need to do as a father? 'Cause you ain't. I got no momma and since I was 8 I been fightin' like hell against this world to put food on our plate. I'm tired."

"I know. And I’m sorry I ain’t done a good enough job for you. I’m going to be better Danny."

"When you got no momma you got no one to hold you, no one to sing you to sleep, to kiss your forehead when you fall asleep. That's what Momma used to do, y'know, every night. And when I'd wake from nightmares, she'd be there tellin' me everything's gonna be alright. I don't have that, never did. So I learned how to be tough, y'know? You ain't supposed to cry, you gotta be strong."

"You didn’t need to do that Danny. Now you just let me be your Pa and help."

He sits me down on the couch and I start bawlin'.

"Shhh. It’s alright son."

"I'm not as tough as I make out, Pa. I ain't. I'm so tired."

"Go on and nap Danny."

I lay down on the couch. As I fall asleep, I feel my Pa's hand on my forehead. It felt like it was the most comforting touch I'd had in ages.

"Do you want me to call Nellie over?"

"It'd be nice to see her."

"Alright Danny."

"I love you, Pa."

As Pa talks with Nellie, I drift into a peaceful sleep. Before I know it, I hear Pa waking me up.

"Son? Nellie’s here."

I wake up, completely refreshed. Nellie’s there and she’s lookin’ pretty as a picture. She leans over and gives me a peck on the cheek.

"Are you ok Danny? Mr. Fisher called me over."

Yeah, I’m good, I just fell asleep is all.

Nellie sits next to me and I notice how good-lookin’ she is. I feel that old stirring I felt the first time I saw her. I feel it all over again. My heart beats a little faster every second she’s here. And when she leans in and gives me a peck on the cheek...

"How was your nap?"

"I’m good."

She lays her head on my shoulder and my arm goes around her, but I’m not sure if it’s appropriate. I look over at my Pa. He smiles, then nods. It confirms to me that it’s okay. I continue to lean into her. I even close my eyes and take a deep breath. She smells real nice.

"Mr. Fisher told me that you went to a consultation with a therapist today."

"Yeah, I went seein’ that Doc that he always goes to. Doc says I need to get some tests cause he thinks I got sleep problems. Ain't no doubt about that, I sure ain't sleeping good."

"I hope it’ll get better Danny."

I’m still feeling the after effects of that good nap I took. I’m real relaxed.

"I’ma get this test done as quick as I can, then I'm takin' you out, Nellie."

"Oh you don’t need to do that."

"I wanna. I already promised you dinner, I ain't going back on my word. Let's go to that King Creole joint. Sound okay?"

"Maybe you can get your job back there."

"You really think so?"

I’m already dreamin’ up all the good food I’m gonna get to eat if I get my job back. I look over at Nellie, who’s starin’ at me with a little grin on her face.

"He was already so understanding that you needed to quit after Ronnie died."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I could go check to see if they'll take me back."

Pa finishes making dinner and we start sittin' down to eat.

"Here, sit at the table, Nellie. And, Pa, thanks. You went and made my favorites I love you for that, ain’t nobody made gumbo like you."

Time passes and you get your appointment for the doctor to test you for sleeping disorders

"Pa, I'm heading into the doctor's, can you come with me? I figured it'd be best since I haven't been sleeping so good lately. And I'm a little scared bout what they might tell me."

"I gotta work at the pharmacy today. I’ll pick you up during my lunch."

"Alright, Pa. I'm sure I'll be alright, just wanted you with me."

I head into the doctor's office feeling anxious. A nurse comes in to draw my blood

"Have you had a blood test before, Mr. Fisher?"

"No ma'am, I never had anythin' like that done before."

"Can you make a fist so I can try to find a vein?"

"There. Hope it helps."

She finds my vein and starts drawin' my blood. It's makin’ me real anxious; I start to sweat and feel nauseous. My stomach's startin’ to knot up.

"Would you prefer to use a butterfly needle?"

"Ma'am, I don't know what that is. I'd just like this over and done with as soon as possible, please."

"Very well then Mr. Fisher. Just look up and away."

"Okay..."

I look away and try to relax, but my stomach starts knotting up more. I close my eyes for a moment and start to panic. Is this normal? Am I the only one afraid of this stuff?

"Keep your arm relaxed and tense up the other parts of your body."

"How much longer till we’re done, ma’am?"

I grip my arm with my other hand and start to hyperventilate. I look down at the vial and realize it’s only half full. My heart starts beating real fast.

"Don't look at the vial, Mr. Fisher. You're doing a good job."

"It feels like I can't get enough air in. I'm scared..."

"When I switch the vials lean back in the chair."

I lean back, close my eyes and do my best to relax my arm. I feel the other needle enter my vein to take the second vial.

"How do you feel, Mr. Fisher?"

"Like I'm gonna throw up. My heart’s beatin’ out of my chest. Is this normal?"

"Anxiety during a blood test is common."

The nurse finishes taking my blood then starts bandaging me. I let out a heavy sigh and look out the window feeling a little light-headed.

"Have you eaten or drank anything before coming here, Mr. Fisher?"

"No ma’am."

"Would like some water and a small snack?"

"Yes, ma’am, that’d be real nice."

"Do you feel lightheaded or dizzy?"

I sip some water and nibble on a small snack.

"Yes ma’am I still feel a bit light-headed from the blood test."

My Pa arrives and looks at me with concerned eyes. The nurse explains what had happened and how I need to take it easy and eat iron-rich foods. My Pa nods his head and takes my arm, putting it around him.

"Alright Danny. Let's take it slow."

Holding onto my Pa's arm, we take it slow and make our way outside to the car. He opens the door for me and I sit down in the passenger seat. As we’re driving home, I can’t help but feel light-headed and nauseous and a bit embarrassed for havin' acted so scared earlier.

"Pa, I'm so sorry I acted like such a wimp when I got blood taken. I don't know what's wrong with me, I never used to be like this."

"You ain't gotta apologize son. You did a good job."

We arrive home and I slowly walk up the steps to the front door of our house. Pa helps me get inside and I sit down on the couch. I know I need to go get some rest, so I lay down on the couch slowly and close my eyes.

"Danny do you think you can handle being on your own until I finish my shift at the pharmacy?"

"I should be alright, Pa. Just a little tired that’s all."

"Alright son. Do you need anything to eat before I leave again?"

"I think I can wait til dinner, Pa."

I lie back on the couch and close my eyes. I need to get some much needed sleep.

"My son."

A couple days pass when I get a call from the doctor about my blood test results. I wake up feeling groggy and slowly pickup the phone.

"Yes, this is Danny. Who's this?"

"My name is Dr. Jones. I have the results of your blood test. Do you have any time today to come in?"

I sit up in bed. My heart starts racing.

"I can be there in an hour, if that's alright."

"That's perfectly fine, Mr. Fisher."

I hang up the phone feeling a bit anxious. What could it be? Did they find somethin’ that's gonna be bad for me?

"Pa, I'm goin' to the doctor's office."

"Alright son."

I arrive at Dr. Jones' office. He has a packet of my results.

"Have a seat."

I grab the packet and sit down, trying to focus on listenin’ to whatever the doctor has to tell me.

"I want you to read through the entire packet first. If you have any questions please ask."

"Okay, I will."

I start reading through the packet. After about a minute, I look up at the doctor. I almost don't wanna ask what I'm about to ask.

"Do you need me to explain anything?"

"Yeah... what does the word anemia mean?"

"Anemia is not having enough red blood cells or hemoglobin in the blood. This can be caused by different deficiencies."

I look back down at the packet and continue reading to myself, thinking about all the things Dr. Jones had mentioned. I finally look back up at the doctor, ready to ask another question.

"Is there anything else you had concerns about?"

"Yeah, one last thing. I see an "Abnormal, low" result under my vitamin D. Do you know what that means too?"

"It indicates a deficiency. Usually it's caused by a low exposure to sunlight although there are other factors that contribute to it."

"Is there anythin’ I can do to raise my vitamin D levels?"

"There's something that I would like to do first. Would you mind getting weighed today, Mr. Fisher? Your current weight would give me a better idea as to how we can treat your deficiencies."

"Okay, let's get weighed."

I step onto the scale and let the doctor measure my height and weight. I'm not sure which one weighs heavier - the numbers on the scale or my worries about what this all means.

"What's his weight, nurse?"

The nurse looks at the display.

"One hundred and forty-six pounds."

"Thank you, you can step down, Mr. Fisher."

"Sure thing, Doc."

I step off the scale and sit back down in the chair, lookin' at the doctor and wonderin' what he's gonna say next.

"Mr. Fisher what would you say is a healthy weight for someone like you based on your height, age and activity levels?"

"I have no idea, Doc."

"The average weight for a man of your height is 167 lbs. I believe that because you're underweight, you have these deficiencies."

"So my weight is why I'm not gettin' enough iron and vitamin D?"

"The types of foods you eat and your weight contribute to it."

"Do you know if my lack of sleep contributes to that too? Cause I ain't been sleepin’ too good lately."

"If anything your anemia contributes to your sleep deprivation. An iron deficiency can disturb your sleep patterns by causing insomnia."

"So it all kinda ties in together?"

"I do think your nightmares affect your sleep. However, I believe your slight malnourishment is the root cause."

It’s been a while since I've felt this drowsy during the day, just tired and not havin' the energy to do much of anything. It's kinda got me worried.

"Doc, tell me the truth. Is this somethin’ that's gonna keep me from bein' able to do my job? I can't exactly stay on my feet and sing and play guitar if I keep feelin’ this tired."

"If this continues to go untreated yes. You have multiple physical factors that contribute to your fatigue. I suggest keeping a food journal for one week so we can determine just how much and often you eat."

I look startled.

"You want me to keep a journal of what I eat, Doc?"

"Yes. It's important to know what your current diet is so that I can properly determine your weight gain plan."

I still don't quite understand.

"You mean by puttin' on weight, it'll help my body absorb the iron and vitamin D easier?"

"Yes because we get those nutrients through the foods we eat and through the sun. If you're underweight, it can make it difficult to absorb vitamin D since it needs fat."

I sigh with relief.

"Doc, you don’t know how happy you've made me to hear that. Thanks so much. Now the food journal, you want me to write everything I eat for a week? Even snacks?"

"That's right Mr. Fisher. You need to be eating a certain amount of calories every day to function. If you eat less than what you spend you're going to lose weight which in your case is dangerous."

"All right, Doc. I'll definitely do that. Can I go home now?"

I look at the time on my watch and realize that I'm starting to get hungry. And if the Doc wants me to gain some weight it sure wouldn't hurt. But most of all I wanna get outta here. I'm really hungry.

"Of course Mr. Fisher. Now be sure to write down what you eat as specifically as you can."

"Will do Doc!"

I start to put on my jacket and get up from the chair.

"Thanks for helpin’ me get stuff figured out today, you've made me feel a little better."

Dr. Jones writes notes down in his patient log.

"Should I schedule you for next week at this same time Mr. Fisher?"

"Yeah Doc. I think another week'll give me enough time to get a log of what I'm eatin’, but let's do same time next week."

The following week has arrived and it’s time for my appointment again with Doctor Jones. I start to feel anxious about the blood work, hoping that there’s nothing too serious goin' on inside my body. I can feel my heart start to pound and the butterflies in my stomach return. I tell myself, “It’s okay, you're not scared this time.” But it’s not quite workin’, my nerves still feel frayed. I try to get my breathing and heart rate a bit back to normal - deep, slow breaths. Finally the nurse calls me back.

"How has the food journal worked Mr. Fisher?"

I hand him a sheet with all the food entries from the past week.

"I think this oughta do it, Doc. It's got everything on it, everything I've eaten - even those midnight snacks."

I wait for the Doc to finish reading and do my best to control my breathing. I hear him turn a a page in my patient log, he’s doing a bunch of calculations and stuff but I’m not following what he’s doin'.

"Mr. Fisher can you try to describe how big "a bowl of gumbo" is?"

I think for a moment.

"Well Doc, it's hard to explain how big a bowl of gumbo is, I usually eat two bowls, one for lunch and one for dinner since it's pretty darn good. It's kinda like a stew with meat and okra in it, I'd say it's maybe four or five cups big."

Dr. Jones nods and writes down my response. I keep watchin' as he's workin'. The clock is tickin' away the minutes and I'm gettin' anxious to get outta here.

"So Doc, what's the answer?"

He shows me the paper with his math. I try understanding what the math says. My eyes are dartin’ back and forth from the paper to the Doc.

"I... I don't understand what that means Doc."

I look at the paper again and try to make it make sense but the numbers are all mixed up in my head. I look back at the Doc in confusion.

"That's your estimated daily average calorie intake. Unless there was a mistake in determining portion sizes that's how much you eat per day."

I feel stunned by the result. I thought I was eating enough, even too much... guess that wasn't the case.

"So... what does that mean Doc? Am I not eatin' enough?"

"How much activity do you get on average?"

I look at the Doc.

"My job requires a lot of physical activity - standin’ up, singin' and playin' guitar. Sometimes I'm on stage all night. I guess you'd say that's a good amount of activity Doc."

"I see. I understand now why you're so fatigued Mr. Fisher."

"So the fatigue is caused by not eatin' enough? I thought it was from sleepin’ so bad."

"It's a combination of issues Mr. Fisher. This most I can help you with is to gain weight properly."

I look down, a bit defeated. That means there's not much else he can do to help with the other reasons for why I feel so tired.

"Can you tell me how much I should be eatin' Doc?"

"Have you and your father been able to afford food?"

I look at him. The word "afford" triggers the thought that we've been struggling financially. I just nod my head and let out a deep sigh.

"It ain't easy Doc, it's been... hard."

I try to hold back my emotions.

"I see. Do you know how much your father can afford to spend on food?"

I think back to last night's dinner when all we ate was some fried bologna sandwiches and some leftover mashed potatoes that my sister Mimi reheated.

"Um... Doc I don't think I'm eatin' as much as I used to. And it's only because the money's tight. We can't always afford to eat a good meal. Sometimes that means goin' to sleep with the stomach grumblein'."

"If you continue to lose weight by working and eating as you do, it would be dangerous. The body needs a specific amount of calories to function properly. And you're just not getting enough."

"That... that's scary Doc."

I feel the fear rising inside me but I try to keep my composure.

"You mean I need to gain... uh... a lot of weight?"

"I think if you gained 15 lbs you would feel significantly better."

"Fifteen pounds? That's a lot Doc. I don't know how I'm gonna do that, food's pretty expensive."

"I recommend making high caloric foods that you can make in bulk. The gumbo you listed in your food journal is a good example."

I try processing what the doctor said and how I can possibly gain fifteen pounds.

"I'll do my best Doc. You gotta trust I'm gonna try."

"I know Mr. Fisher. I have a list of foods I recommend to people who need to gain weight."

I take the list from him and nod my head.

"Can I get going Doc? I'll definitely try my best to follow this list."

"Of course Mr. Fisher. I'll see you next week."

Time passes. The following week has arrived. I make sure to bring the food journal to the appointment. I hand it to Doctor Jones.

"Here's my food journal Doc, I tried to follow what you told me last time. There was some days the meals were a bit smaller than before, but I wrote it all down Doc, for real."

He goes over your food journal and does the calorie math again. After a few minutes Dr. Jones writes down a final number.

"This is your average daily calorie intake this week, Mr. Fisher."

I look at the paper and see that the number is 1610.

"Doc, is that a good thing? I just... I'm tryin' so hard to do what you say and eat better, but food is still such a big issue in our house. I don't wanna disappoint you Doc, I've been tryin' my best."

"Any increase in calorie intake is good in your case. It's important to do this gradually so your body can acclimate."

I feel relief spread through my body as I hear this.

"So you're sayin' that I'm doin' okay? That I can keep goin' and work my way up?"

"I suggest continuing what you did last week for a month. Just maintain a daily 1600 calorie average for a month and see how you feel."

"Oh. I thought we said that if I gained fifteen pounds that it would help. I remember Doc, we had that conversation."

I look at the doctor with the slightest bit of confusion.

"Yes but you need to eat more calories than you spend to gain weight. You're not at that point yet Mr. Fisher. To gain weight, you would likely need to eat at least 3000 calories a day."

Confused by his reasoning, I start to get frustrated and my emotions overflow.

"But Doc, that's the whole problem. I can't eat no more. The money is just too tight to get more food. I'm tryin' to get enough, how can I eat more when I can't get the food in the first place? I'm workin' and eatin' as much as I can and it just ain't happenin'."

Dr. Jones removes his glasses and rubs his eyes.

"I understand you're unable to cut down your activity because you need the work. I suggest talking to your employer about allowing you to have meals after shows as part of your compensation."

"You think... you think that'd work Doc, that my boss would give me food at the King Creole?"

Throughout my life I've never asked for something so big like this, but my mind is filled with hope. As the tears well up in my eyes and stream down my cheeks I start to feel embarrassed and ashamed that I have to do this.

"It's worth a shot. At the very least I suggest changing when you eat your meals. For example, I would eat your largest meal possible after you perform right before bed."

"If I can get free meals after the show that would be huge Doc. I'd do that, I'd eat as much as I can after the show before comin' home to sleep."

I feel relief starting to overcome the fear that's been in my life for so long. There's a glimmer of hope that things will get better. I stand up and wipe the tears from my face.

"Anything else I should bring to you next appointment Doc?"

"Just focus on eating 1600 calories a day for one month and continue with your food journal. If you can get free meals at your job, you might be able to save some money for when it's time to increase your calorie count to 2000 a day."

A smile spreads across my face.

I'm gonna do all this Doc, I swear... I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna eat right and I'll increase the calories when it's time. This is gonna change everything, I appreciate your help Doc, more than you know.

I extend my hand to shake his and he smiles back at me.

"I'll make sure to talk to my boss as soon as I can."

I leave the office and go to the club. I sit across the table from Mr. LeGrand and explain the situation to him. I tell him about how I'm try to gain weight and I mention wanting to eat better but how food is a big issue for us.

"Mr. LeGrand, is there anyway the club could give me some free food as compensation for performin' on stage? Right now Doc said to eat at least 1600 calories a day, but the goal is to get to 3000 calories to gain fifteen pounds. I know this is a big ask Mr. LeGrand, but just being able to eat a good meal after the show on the right days would be a big help."

Mr. LeGrand walks to grab a menu to see what he can afford to give me regularly.

"If we can work somethin' out then I can keep up with the calories and be in better shape. Doc says it'll help my fatigue too."

I stare at Mr. LeGrand in anticipation. He writes down a list of menu items that are cheap enough to consistently give away.

"Give this a list a look Danny. Are any of these items enough for what you want to do accomplish?"

I take the paper and go through the items one at a time.

"Ok, so... this stew and bread and gumbo and rice would work. If I combine this with food at home and stuff that Mimi cooks me I think I could make it work."

I smile at Mr. LeGrand, now feeling much more optimistic about things.

"I know Mimi tells me all the time about wanting to have you and your father over for dinner. She must be a very caring sister Danny."

"Yeah, we'd love to eat with you and Mimi Mr. LeGrand. It'd be real nice and we'd appreciate it so much if we can do that."

As I'm speakin' to him I feel myself start to cry as my heart overflows with gratitude.

"Thank you Mr. LeGrand, you're makin' a big difference by even offerin' this."

I try holding it in but I break down, my whole body shaking and the tears streaming down my face.

"It's... it's just that... I can't remember the last time someone was this nice to me without asking for somethin' in return or hold what they did over my head until I owed them. It's just a lot to get through right now Mr. LeGrand, and it's just a lot to have someone be generous to me for once."

My entire body feels like it's vibrating with emotion as I try to wipe away the tears.

"Have you eaten, Danny?"

I hear my stomach growl and look down at myself.

"I've only eaten one or two meals since yesterday, it's definitely catchin' up to me now."

I try to compose myself and fight my tears as tears roll down my cheeks and I can feel my heart beating faster.

"Tell you what Danny. Why don't you and your father come over for lunch? Mimi would love to see you both again."

I slowly nod my head as I try to collect myself.

"I'd be happy to eat with y'all Mr. LeGrand. Mimi and me had that plan for a meal a long time ago, there's jus..."

As I wipe my tears away I notice my hands shaking.

"It's just hard when you're poor Mr. LeGrand... I just don't know if I'm good enough to be in anyone's home, but... if it's alright I'd love to eat with y'all."

"You're off the clock Danny so just call me Charlie. Go and call Mr. Fisher. I'll go call Mimi to tell her the news."

I nod my head and quickly grab my jacket. My tears have stopped flowing and I feel hopeful for the first time in days. I can't let on to Mimi and Charlie how relieved I am or that I'm starving so I leave the room as quickly as I can. My heart feels the most relief it's had in a long time as I head to call my dad about lunch. As I walk down the road past the stores I realize I'm shaking and hungry but can't wait to see the look on my dad's face when I tell him he's invited for lunch.

"Danny! Daddy! It's so good to see you."

Mimi holds her arms out to hug me and it's been so long since I've been able to hug my sister that I almost cry again.

"How are you Mimi?"

"I'm doing well Danny. How are you boys doing without me?"

"I'm doin' ok Mimi. Things are rough for us, we've been runnin' all over the city workin' and stuff, but we're makin' it."

"Come in come in."

She grabs Pa's hand and leads him to sit down. I follow her to the dining room and try not to stare at it in awe, this is the first nice place I've been invited to have lunch at since I was a kid. Mimi, Charlie and Pa all sit down at the table and I quickly get a chair to join them as I feel my stomach growling.

"I've been so hungry Mimi, it's just been a while for me since I've had a proper meal."

Mimi passes around the plates as Charlie serves food for her and her husband, then me and my dad get our portions.

"My, oh my, this looks great Mimi. Thanks a million and to you Charlie."

I take the plate in front of me with a big smile, ready to start shoving food into my starving stomach, but I notice no food in front of Mimi. I try to stay quiet and let her eat first as she takes a place at her own seat.

"I made enough sandwiches for everyone."

I take a sandwich and quickly start to eat it as quick as I can.

"Wow Mimi, these are great, I could eat four or five of these." I take another sandwich and stuff it in my mouth while Mimi takes a small bite and watches my every move.

"This is way better than what I've been eatin' Mimi. I ain't even had a sandwich in so long I forgot how great these taste."

As I eat my fourth sandwich, the excitement and enjoyment of eating actual food as opposed to whatever leftover food items I could get my hands on has got me all worked up. My stomach, which is already full, seems to be asking for more. As I look around the table and see Mimi and Charile both eatin' their sandwiches and my dad diggin' in as much as I am I start to feel bad about how much I'm eatin'.

"Should I... should I save y'all some more sandwiches Mimi?"

"Don't worry Danny there's plenty of food. Eat as much as you can handle."

I notice Mimi and my Pa are both quiet and eatin' as much as me, I feel their eyes on me as Mr. LeGrand takes a sip of water. I continue to take in food in quickly and silently, afraid of doing something wrong. After several minutes I finally decide to speak in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Mimi, this food is so good I can eat it all day. Is this one of your special recipes?"

Mimi giggles and looks at me, a lightness in her eyes and a smile on her face.

"Oh come on Danny. You've had my famous sandwiches plenty of times for school."

The mention of her making these for me brings back memories of school lunches.

Oh yeah Mimi, it seems like forever ago that I've had these. It musta been the best thing about goin' to class."

I think about my days at school when I was younger, how tough they were, and how much I wanted things to change for the future. I quickly swallow my current bite of food and take the moment in, feeling happy just from the food, and also from being able to catch up with Mimi.

"Mimi was always the chef of the house after their mama died about 4 years ago."

"Oh yeah, I always remember that dinner time was Mimi's responsibility after that."

I think about when I'd come home and Mimi was the only person in the house cooking after Pa had to work late.

I remember that too. Always cookin' by herself after school for both of us all the time. Oh man Mimi, I've been so tired and hungry these last few days, it's so good to actually eat something nice for once.

Mimi looks at me and smiles, knowing I'm enjoying myself.

"I'm glad you still enjoy my cooking, Danny. You're welcome to come back anytime."

The month passes and I see Dr. Jones for your next visit.

"How do you think you did at managing 1600 calories a day?"

I stare at the log and think about my diet this month.

"Well, overall I think I did pretty good. I definitely didn't achieve my goal of 1600 calories everyday, but I at least made that goal half of the time. And some of those days I made it to 1400 calories, which is a huge improvement."

I feel like I've made real progress in managing my hunger and the feelings aren't overwhelming like they used to be.

"Here are your results. Go ahead and read the final number Mr. Fisher."

I read through the numbers and let out a heavy sigh once I see that I did even better than expected. I feel so relieved to be doing so much better than I thought I was.

"1850, that's way more than I was thinkin' for myself this month! I mean 1400 was a miracle for me, I really didn't expect myself to do any better!"

"You had some good days where you had more calories per day than others. That boosted your average. How have you been able to eat more during these days?"

I think back to a few of the meals I ate and the foods I chose to make up the 1600 or more per day, and the realization of a big reason I did those things hits me.

"I just ate what I really wanted Dr. Jones. I didn't think of myself this month, I just thought about what I wanted to eat and how much I wanted it. Instead of sayin' nope I can't do that and eatin' something like an apple or a salad, I just kinda said to myself... just eat what you want Danny. You'll feel better for it."

"You mean you would purposely eat less than what you had? I didn't know your financial struggles were that bad."

I feel my heart break a little, knowing what I'm about to say might surprise Dr. Jones or make me look bad.

"Well... I would always eat what I had to and make it seem like I ate enough to Mimi and Pa. I just... figured, I could do without some food if I had to."

I look down, feeling a bit ashamed. I know I shouldn't be doing this and it's unhealthy, but I can't help myself. I always want to look out for Mimi and Pa and do my best to protect them from the harsh truth.

"How long have you been doing this?"

I feel my heart sink a little, wishing I didn't have to say it, but I look up at Dr. Jones as I tell him the truth.

"Since our mom passed... so a little over 4 years now."

I try to look up at him with a face that's not too full of shame and guilt and instead look like a strong man who's just doing his best for his family.

"Mr. Fisher I want you to spend this next month eating as much as you can with what you're given. I want to see how much you can eat without any limitations on yourself."

I feel nervous at this idea, but I listen and nod my head slightly.

"Yeah, I can do that. I... I think I can do that Dr. Jones."

I feel a little anxious about eating that much, but I also feel excited. It feels like he's giving me the permission I've needed for so long to fully satisfy my hunger.

"I understand that you have to share food with your Pa, but don't hesitate to eat until you're full."

I sit there thinking about eating all that I can and not hesitating to eat what I need to satisfy my hunger, and my thoughts make me hungry.

I'll eat until I'm full I promise. This next month I'm gonna do just that, eat until I'm full."

"That's all I want you to change. Let's see how that effects your calorie count for the month."

I think about all the things I want to eat and how much I'm going to eat them, letting myself feel the feeling of anticipation and excitement for a chance to eat food I enjoy and eat as much as I want.

"That's all I have to do, just eat 'till I'm full. I know I can do it Dr. Jones, I am going to do it this next month."

"I think if after this month we'll weigh you again. My hope is that you didn't lose weight."

"Yeah, that sounds good to me."

I feel excited as I think about eating all the food I want and not restricting myself to something that barely fills me up. I wonder how I'll react as I see myself gain weight over the next month, and also how Mimi and Pa will react.

"You've been doing a good job at lowering your calorie deficit Mr. Fisher. As long as you keep your activity levels the same and continue to gradually increase your calorie count, you should eventually start to gain weight."

"That sounds good to me Dr. Jones."

I rub my stomach absently as I think about eating as much as I want and knowing that I'm going to be gaining weight for once. I feel my stomach rumbling loud, it's so ready to get started.

"It's a new month, so I'm gonna do exactly what you said. I wanna eat as much as I can for the next month and not worry about it. Just eat whenever I feel like it and let myself enjoy the food."

I look up to Dr. Jones with excitement and determination.

"Excellent."

Time passes and we're at Nellie's place and she's in the kitchen cooking dinner for us. I'm sitting on the couch while she gets everything ready and can hear her moving around the kitchen. My stomach feels so hungry and the smell from the kitchen is making it even worse.

"Come on Nellie, dinner's got me about to eat this wall right here. I'm starving."

Nellie looks up at me from her spot in the kitchen and smiles while coming out to sit next to me on the couch.

"Chicken is almost ready Danny."

"Just a little longer I hope?"

I can feel my stomach rumble and hear the hunger pains coming back as I wait for Nellie to finish gettin' things set up. I look at Nellie and watch the way she moves, she seems so natural when she's cookin', she cooks the way somebody loves to cook. She turns back to the kitchen and I have to stop myself from jumping up and runnin' behind her to get the food.

"I have 5 more minutes unless you want raw chicken."

I can't hold back anymore, I get up and go to the kitchen and stand behind Nellie as I look over her shoulders.

"How 'bout just a little taste Nellie, please? How 'bout just one bite and I won't ask for any more 'til we sit down and eat it as a meal."

Nellie turns around and looks back at me and can't help but laugh. She knows I'm about to explode from hunger.

"You can try my mashed potatoes. Let me know if it needs anything."

I take the spoon from her hand and scoop a giant scoop of mashed potatoes to taste. I look back at her and can see her giggling at me as I'm about to shove the spoon in my mouth.

"I'm sorry Nellie, I'm so hungry. I'm just... I really wanna taste it."

Nellie is still giggling as I slowly take the first bite. It was everything I thought it would be and more, the hot, creamy and smooth potatoes melt in my mouth as my hungrily chews them. I slowly swallow and smile.

"Oh Nellie, you weren't kidding... this is amazing."

"I'm glad you like them Danny."

"I love 'em, this is just what I needed."

Nellie laughs and goes back to finish cooking dinner. She comes back out a few minutes later and serves us the chicken, a couple sides and biscuits with butter. She sits next to me, watching as I dig in to the meal and start eating.

"Oh Nellie, I knew you were the one."

The month passes without event. I'm in the middle of my next appointment with Dr. Jones, seeing him at the end of the month. I haven't gained too much weight but am feeling so much better, knowing that I'm eating the amount my body is asking for. I'm no longer restricting myself to barely enough and feel proud of eating when I'm hungry, and not feeling bad about it.

"Ok Dr. Jones, I'm here for the wrap up. You wanted me to come back at the end of the month, and here I am, you can weigh me and see how I'm doin' with eating."

I hand over my food journal to Dr. Jones and watch as he reads through it. I can't wait to see what he thinks of my progress.

"How did I do Dr. Jones, can I see the number?"

I watch as he shows me the number and feel tears start to flood my eyes with excitement.

"Oh my God, I did it, I did it Dr. Jones! I... I did it."

I'm overcome with emotion in that moment, the results hit me hard and I just wanna hug everyone in the room and feel the relief that I finally made some progress on this eating thing that's been a problem for so long.

"2000 calories average per day Dr. Jones, all month long."

I sit there taking in the number and smiling at all the progress I've made in the last month.

"Yes I was quite impressed that on certain days you hit the 2500 calorie average. How were you able to hit that number on those days?"

I look at Dr. Jones and try to remember what I ate on those days.

"Oh those days, I ate two huge meals. One when I finally woke up, and one before bed. I just went until I couldn't eat anymore, and then had a snack in between. You know, I used to feel scared and guilty about eating so much, but... it felt so different this month eating all that food, it was like I was happy that I was doin' it for myself. I wanted to eat and it felt good to eat... I just felt free."

"Do you think that having a lot more free meals allowed you to have more money to spend?"

My face lights up as I think about it.

"Yeah I think so actually, it really helped. We could actually afford to eat more this month, and it let my family eat better too. We ate more this month than any other month in the last year. And I liked eatin' food without worryin' about what was gonna happen after. I'm not eatin' a whole bunch and then gettin' nothing for the rest of the month. Not this month Dr. Jones, I finally feel like I can eat. It's such a relief."

"Now how have your energy levels been?"

I let out a huge sigh of relief.

"I feel great Dr. Jones! I feel like I can run a marathon, I'm not tired all the time, no more napping in the afternoons. I feel like I have so much energy, I can't explain it. Dr. Jones, it's wonderful. I just feel so alert and ready to take on the world."

The concept of not starving my body for once feels amazing. I'm so used to going without or only eating barely enough, to think that my body isn't starving and that I'm actually giving it the calories it needs to function the way it was meant too... it feels like magic. I feel so happy listening to Dr. Jones explain it.

"So... my body isn't starving anymore? It gets everything it needs, so now it's able to feel good and have energy?"

"Not quite yet but you've been doing a better job at planning when to eat that you haven't felt as fatigued."

I think about it and it makes perfect sense. Before I was always just eating whatever I could whenever I could just to satisfy the hunger. This way, I get better control over my food intake and give my body the schedule it's used to, making it feel more normal.

"Yeah, that's true. This month I was eating breakfast when I should and lunch and dinner at certain times. It didn't feel like I was just grabbing food from when I got hungry and when I had enough, I was eatin' when I was supposed to eat."

"Now to make sure you haven't lost anymore weight it's time to step on the scale, Mr. Fisher."

I feel a rush of anxiety as I prepare to step on the scale. I feel better than I have in a long time but I have no idea if I'm gaining weight or losing weight. I just hope that I'm not still losing weight.

"When you first started this diet plan, you were at 147 lbs. Now because you're still not eating at least 2500 calories you're still going to have a deficit. That means you're still at risk of losing weight. As long as you don't lose more than 5 lbs you'll be ok."

I hold my breath and wait for the results, the dread setting in and all the anxiety starting to build up as I prepare for the results I'm hoping to not see. I feel so anxious and so ready for the answer at the same time. The moment feels like it lasts forever, but finally the number appears on the screen. I look up and see Dr. Jones looking down at the screen and he has a smile on his face.

"145 lbs. You only lost 2 lbs since we started."

"I lost 2 lbs? That's it?"

I feel an overwhelming wave of relief wash over me as I smile the biggest smile I've ever had. It's like all the weight was lifted from my shoulders and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I can breathe again.

"Yes that means the diet plan is working. We're minimizing your calorie deficit to slow down your weight loss."

I keep grinning and nod my head, so relieved with the results Dr. Jones is telling me.

"I'm so happy to hear that, really. What can I do to ensure I don't lose any more weight? Is there anything I can do to help make sure I don't get any weaker or anything like that?"

"Keep going with the diet plan. Also try to keep the calories you burn low."

I nod my head and start to get out of my chair.

"So keep eating all the calories I need to feel full and not hold back and also, just... stay as inactive as I can? That sounds easy enough. I can do that."

I get out of my chair and reach out to shake Dr. Jones's hand.

"Thank you, Dr. Jones. This has been the most helpful month of my life. I really can't thank you enough for what you've done, I feel like I've learned so much and gotten so much better."

"You already have a very physical job performing so you can afford to take it easy outside of work."

I nod along and smile as Dr. Jones continues talking.

"Yeah, that makes sense. Well alright, I'll keep up with the diet and I'll be sure to not exert myself too much outside of work, I'll take it easy."

I turn to leave the room to finish the session and head home and call Nellie, excited to make dinner together and to tell her I got through the month with no problem with my eating and that I'm happy with what Dr. Jones said about my progress.

"I'm so proud of you Danny."

"Thanks, Nellie. I really think I'm gettin' to be where I wanna be."

Another month passes and here I am, sitting back in the chair with Dr. Jones, getting ready for our appointment. I've been sticking with the diet and I'm feeling great. Not only is the weight loss slowing down, but I'm not worried about food anymore. I'm able to eat when I'm hungry and I can feel my body thanking me for giving it the fuel it needs. I can even feel my body fill out with muscle mass as a result of working at the club, I'm in a great place and I'm eager for Dr. Jones to weigh me and see this month's results.

"Have you been able to afford a regular diet plan Mr. Fisher?"

I look up at Dr. Jones and nod, I'm pretty proud of myself and he should be proud of me.

"Yeah, we've been doin' better and eatin' so much more as a family. I got no problem affording food this month, we're all doin' great now. It's like I got a whole new lease on life, we're not stressin' over food and eatin' and we got plans to save some of our money for when we don't have as much work to do in the future."

I smile at Dr. Jones and wait for the results.

"It's good to hear that your financial struggles aren't interfering with your diet plan."

He looks at the scale and writes the number down.

"The last time you were weighed, you were 145 lbs. You're now back to 147. That's a 2 lb gain."

I try to hold my excitement back but I can't stop the smile on my face from growing bigger and bigger.

"I did it, Dr. Jones. I gained back some of the weight I lost and it didn't even come back as fat, I got stronger and my muscles are bigger!"

I can't stop smiling as I feel the relief wash over me, the months of dieting and stress are finally paying off and I finally feel like I've made some serious progress. The numbers don't lie and my body is feeling the change!

"That's right. Despite weighing the same as you did when we first started, you're much healthier now. You should be expected to gain the 13 pounds to get to 160 in about 6 months at the pace you're going."

Another huge smile forms on my face and I look up at Dr. Jones, feeling like this is the greatest news of all time. I finally did it, I'm finally out of the hole and eating healthy and regularly like I should be.

"Now when you first started this diet plan you had anemia and a vitamin D deficiency. I would like you to get a blood test for our next visit."

I nod and smile as I take in the news, so happy that my body is healthy and that I'm out of the hole I spent my teenage years in. I'm so excited to get this done and to get my blood tested next time.

"Will do, Dr. Jones. I just have to make sure I don't do too much physical activity this week, right? Because that might give us a bad reading on the calorie burn?"

"That's right. Once you gain the weight you need we can edit your plan. For now just continue what you did last month."

I nod and sit back in my chair, feeling so relieved to hear just that.

"Sounds good Dr. Jones. I'll keep up with my diet plan and make sure not to do anything too strenuous. I can do that, no problem."

I stand up and reach out to shake Dr. Jones's hand again.

"Thank you for all your help for me this month, you have no idea how good this has been for me. And the news of the weight gain is the cherry on top, this has been a great month for me and next month I'm gonna hit my goals for sure."

I notice myself getting better sleep as the month goes by, getting restful sleep and being satisfied when I wake up each morning.

"Wow... I can't believe how much different I feel. My nightmares are going away and I'm sleeping so much better. I think I'm even feeling better during the day, I just feel so much more confident and comfortable in my own body. Dr. Jones is right, just eating normal meals and not denying myself when I was hungry made such a difference. I can't believe I fought eating for so long, it's so much easier this way."

I go to get my blood test and take a seat.

"Alright nurse, I'm ready when you are."

I look up at her nervously, but excited to see if I'm healthier or not.

"Make a fist, Mr. Fisher."

I do as she says and make a fist, nervous as I look down at my fists and then back at her, awaiting her next instruction.

Do you want me to use a butterfly needle?

I nod my head and then look back at her.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

I feel the needle jab my arm gently and then I feel some pressure and some pain. I try my best to stay brave and let them finish drawing out my blood, feeling the needle still in my arm. I take a deep breath, trying to stay calm.

"I understand you were diagnosed with anemia Mr. Fisher. If you start to feel faint don't hesitate to tell me."

I feel dizzy and light headed but I fight through it and try not to look at the needle. I'm so glad she warned me, it's a little worse than I imagined but I take deep breaths and try to ignore it and keep my mind as free from it as I can.

"Yeah... I'm a little light headed here, but I'm alright."

"I can have the back of the chair lowered. Would that help?"

I start to feel my vision go a little blurred and the dizziness grows and I start to feel woozy.

"Yeah, I think that'd help actually."

I'm feeling very dizzy and light headed and I feel like I might pass out from the light headedness and the needle. I try my hardest to keep calm as I wait for the chair to go down, hoping that will help me.

"Yeah, I think that's better."

I look up at the nurse and try to smile at her, still feeling a bit unsteady but no longer on the verge of passing out.

"I only need to take one more vial of blood. Can you handle this?"

"Yeah... I should be okay."

The nurse switches out the final vial.

"Only a couple more minutes, Mr. Fisher."

As I feel the needle slowly withdraw and hear the last vial getting filled with the blood, I feel a rush of relief and joy over being almost finished. I try my best not to move and to keep my breathing steady as I wait for the very end.

"Ok, Mr. Fisher. How do you feel?

I try to open my eyes but the dizziness has me a little off balance and blurry vision. I take some more deep breaths, still feeling a bit light headed and dizzy but more stable. I look up at the nurse, trying to smile at her but it's a little fuzzy like I'm having trouble seeing.

"A little light headed and... I mean, I don't feel good but... a little better."

She hands me a cup of water and some cookies.

"How long do you think it would be before your Pa picks you up?"

I take the water and drink a little of it and try to eat one of the cookies as well, it's just enough to settle me back down as I look up at her.

"Um, he should be here soon, he's only about a half mile from here."

I swallow the cookie and take some more deep breaths, still feeling a little light headed but now looking up at her and smiling a little more, feeling good about making it through the blood test.

"Well you know what to do once you get home. Just take it easy until he gets here."

I feel a little stronger and not nearly as light headed as before, more so a bit tired, I look up at her, smiling and a little grateful to have a good nurse on hand.

"Alright, son. I'm here."

"Thanks, Pa."

I wake up on the couch later that night, feeling a little out of it but otherwise okay. The weight of the day catches up to me and I feel myself drifting off to sleep again. I'm glad I went through all of the dieting and exercise and the blood test and everything and that it's over and I can now just do my best to maintain. I slowly doze off as I lay back down in the living room of my home, happy to be out of the hole I was stuck in for so long.

"Danny. It's time to go to the doctor's."

I get outta bed and go to the office.

"Now then, Mr. Fisher I'd like to start today's appointment going over your results."

I look up at him nervously, feeling excited but also a little anxious to see where I stand now.

"Yeah, let's get right into it, I've been waitin' all month to hear this."

"These are your previous results that saw you get diagnosed with anemia and deficient in vitamin D. And these are your current results. Let me know if you have any questions, Mr. Fisher."

I take in the results slowly, looking at everything and taking a few deep breaths to collect my thoughts.

"Is... the anemia gone?"

"You're still not at a normal range yet, but both will improve to that level once you gained enough weight."

I sigh, feeling relieved and a little frustrated at the same time.

"Okay... well, how about my weight Dr. Jones? Do we know how much weight I've gained?"

He writes down my weight after I step on the scale.

"Excellent work, Mr. Fisher. You weigh 149 lbs."

I feel the air catch in my chest for a second, stunned at the number. I had hoped that I'd gained more than I actually had, but there's still so much to celebrate.

"Now I was thinking that since you're consistently hitting your calorie count, you would only need to come back in 6 months."

My smile grows as I hear the news.

"6 months? That's... that's awesome! So I don't need to come back next month?"

"That's right, Mr. Fisher."

My smile grows and I put my hands out to my sides, feeling the anticipation of a life finally free of my eating disorder.

"Dr. Jones, I can't wait for that. These 6 months will be over in no time and I'll be living the rest of my life with a healthy body and no food struggles, I know it."

As I work on gaining weight, I run into some of the challenges I've had to work with in the past. I find myself trying to force down my meals which causes me to feel nauseous at times and I sometimes struggle to get enough calories in a day. Despite my best efforts, I find myself feeling discouraged and worried that I'm not gaining enough weight or hitting my calorie goals. As these 6 months pass by, I'm happy to be progressing but still frustrated and worried about whether or not I'm going in the right direction.

"Are you ok Danny?"

I look up at him, noticing him watching over me. I nod my head but it's obvious I'm a bit frustrated.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine Pa. Just feeling a little down, maybe I'm not eatin' enough or something."

I feel a little embarrassed as I look down at my half finished plate of gumbo.

"I mean... Yeah, I could eat some more but I'm just not sure if I want to, you know? It's a lot of food."

I try to stay positive but it's obvious I'm feeling down and discouraged. It's hard to keep optimistic and I'm worried that my eating has been slowing more than I initially thought.

"Gumbo keeps fine son. It ain’t gonna be wasted if you can’t finish it all."

It's hard for me to listen to him and I feel frustrated for not wanting to eat more. I know I need to gain more weight but this food just isn't agreeing with me and I feel like something is wrong.

"Yeah... alright, I'll try..."

I look slightly disappointed but ultimately get up from the table and take a walk outside to get some fresh air. I try to take some deep breaths outside, feeling a little more relaxed but still not hungry. I take a few more breaths and try to focus on my breathing, trying to relax and let out the pent-up frustration I feel.

"It's not easy, you know. Every day its a struggle to eat the meals and finish them. And I'm always feeling like I'm not hitting the calorie goal and I'm not gaining enough weight and just having this fight with the food all the time. It just really wears me down."

I feel tired and frustrated but try to put on a smile for my Pa.

"I'm okay, Pa. Just... having a hard time eating everything, you know? And I just wanna make sure I'm hitting the calorie goal and getting it in but I just... I'm not hungry. I'm just not hungry like I thought I would be and it's driving me nuts."

I put my head in my hands and feel frustrated and exhausted.

"Come here, son. Let's hug."

I hug him back, feeling so defeated and exhausted. I feel like no matter what I do I'm failing at it and it's so disheartening.

"I just... I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

"You’re thinking about being hungry instead of feeling hungry. It’s a similar feeling to wanting to fall asleep instead of feeling tired."

I feel the tension come out of my body as what he just said suddenly clicks with me.

"Oh. That makes sense. So just go by my body and when I feel full, then stop? I don't need to force myself to finish the plate?"

"I know it’s important for you to eat a certain amount of calories a day and it’s good that you keep track. Just don’t let your eating habits revolve around a specific number."

I nod my head.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry I made such a big deal out of this. I'll just try to listen to my body and just eat until I feel full or satisfied. And if I don't finish a plate that's fine too. It's okay if I have a bit of leftovers. I'm just gonna stop obsessing over hitting the calories and try to relax and eat like I used to."

I feel a bit better, knowing I'm on the right track now and realizing my mindset about eating was just a little off. I have to trust my body.

"You always ate good when we have dinner with Mimi. Just keep yourself relaxed when you need to eat."

"That's good advice Pa, thanks. I've gotta remember that and keep on track."

I sit back down and notice my half eaten gumbo. I stare at it for a moment and think back to what my Pa said before.

"That's right, if I'm full then the gumbo will be fine tomorrow and I can always eat it then."

I reach out and pick up my spoon, but I pause for a moment and look at him.

"It's still okay if I don't finish this, right?"

"That’s right son. No point in force feeding yourself. You’d end up vomiting and losing your appetite."

I nod my head and finally let go of the need to finish everything and begin eating. I take a few bites of gumbo, enjoying the taste and knowing that my stomach is feeling a little better than before. I don't force myself to finish everything, knowing that it'll keep til tomorrow. This feels much better and much more relaxing.

"This is good, Pa, not forcing everything. I really need to just listen to myself."

I put my spoon down and take a drink of water.

"Well if you’re done I’ll put the pot away and maybe in a few minutes you can finish your bowl."

I nod my head, contented with just having a small amount. I notice the pot being put away and realize that I just need to stick to this pattern and know that I don't have to finish everything.

"Yes, that sounds good. I'm good for now and I'm happy. This is the best I've felt in months."

I continue to feel relief wash over me as I realize I'm feeling so much better with food and my relationship with it.

"Pa, I'm going to my last appointment."

"Good luck, Danny."

I walk into Dr. Jones' office and sit down in the chair, feeling a little nervous and anxious but also excited to find out. I look over to him and give him a little smile.

"Hey, Dr. Jones, how are you today? I'm here for my appointment and just wanted to see if I met the goal we set in place for me. I should be about a hundred and sixty pounds, right?"

I look at him with a sense of anticipation, hoping that I met the goal and can start focusing on maintaining and not gaining. I cross my fingers and wait for his response.

"Alright, Mr. Fisher. We're ready to check you weight."

I step onto the scale and look at the numbers, not sure what to expect. It's been three months since my diet started and I know I've been doing really well eating as consistently as possible. I hope that's reflected in the number on the scale. I take a deep breath and look at the number, feeling like so much of this journey has been leading up to this point. I see the number 161 pop up on the scale and I feel so relieved. I feel my eyes well up as I see the number come up. I did it, I met the goal.

"Wow... I did it. I'm actually at 161 pounds and that's where I needed to be."

"Well done. How have you felt ever since you started this weight gain journey?"

I look at him for a moment and think about the question before giving him an answer.

"I feel, I feel so much better. I have more energy and I feel happier overall. It's strange, I used to never be hungry. My stomach felt full all the time and I felt like I was gonna have to force food down just to hit my calorie count every day. Now, though, I'm just hungry naturally. I feel like my body is finally sending me the right signals and I'm eating when I'm hungry but not over eating. It's... amazing honestly."

"You first came here because you said your therapist wanted to rule out physical issues causing your sleeping problems. Have your nightmares improved at all?"

My expression changes as I get a little sad.

"Actually... yeah, they have. I used to have really intense, frightening nightmares. It was one of the things that really affected my sleep. Now I don't really have them as much, just normal dreams and ones that I can wake up from easily, but I don't remember the last time I had the really intense nightmares. I just... sleep easier at night and feel more at peace. I'm not sure if it's just knowing I'm making progress with my diet or if it was something else, but I'm happy they're gone."

"In that case, we're going to move onto the final stage of your diet plan."

I look up at him with a mixture of excitement and a little bit of nervousness too.

"Oh, okay. What comes next after reaching the goal? I'm a little scared about what's happening next. I don't have to keep on dieting do I? I was really looking forward to not having to worry about eating all the time."

I laugh and give him a smile, wondering what the last stage would require of me.

"This final stage is finding the right amount of calories you would need to maintain your current weight since your activity level is consistent."

I nod my head and take in what he's saying.

"Alright, let's get to it then. How will we figure out what that new calorie range is going to be? I'll do my best to stick to it, just tell me what we need to do to make it happen."

I lean forward in my chair and smile over to him, feeling confident and eager to follow through with the final steps now that the goal has been reached.

"There's a certain formula I can use that calculates how much you burn. When you perform at the King Creole what exactly do you do for how long each day?"

I think back to the times when I've been dancing and singing at the King Creole. I know that I definitely feel like I'm moving a lot and that it's pretty active, but I don't want to over estimate it so...

"I'd say it's probably more of a low impact dancing that I do for at least 3-4 hours. A lot of the songs that I've found work best for me are more of a slow groove than anything else."

"In that case you would burn at least 1000 calories alone just by performing."

My eyes go a little wide as I hear the number and I look over to Dr. Jones to confirm.

"Is that right? I'm burning at least 1000 calories a day just by performing at the King Creole every night?"

"Unfortunately we don't have any means of recording exactly what you burn so that number is merely an estimate. I believe to give you a good range we can start off with a 2500 calorie minimum."

I nod my head and feel a little worried, wondering if this is going to be difficult to maintain.

"I can do that, for sure. I don't want to keep on gaining weight but I definitely don't want to start losing any either. Can we weigh me every week or every month to make sure I'm sticking with things? I can weigh myself at home too so I don't have to keep coming back to see you unless it's necessary."

"I would weigh yourself every month. At this point you won't have to keep coming back. Just schedule an appointment when you think it's needed."

I nod my head and smile.

"That's fair. I'll make sure to keep things steady, monitor my eating and stay on top of my weight."

I stretch and feel my arms, feeling the new muscle definition and enjoying the way it feels to be this size now.

Thank you, Dr. Jones, I really appreciate everything you've done for me. I can't tell you how much better I feel now and I'm looking forward to this next stage."

It's my 20th birthday party and life couldn't be any better. I'm on stage at the King Creole and singing one of my favorite songs to perform at this point. It's a song that I've always wanted to sing and it's just a fun and upbeat track to get the crowd going and keep them engaged. My hair is much longer than before the diet and it flows with every movement I make on stage. I'm enjoying a drink to celebrate the day and I look out at my friends who have come out to the nightclub to celebrate with me. I'm smiling and having the time of my life and feeling incredibly happy about everything.

"Happy birthday Danny."

I look over to Nellie and smile, feeling so happy to see her and grateful that she's come out tonight.

"Thank you, Nellie. I can't believe I'm already at this age. I feel like I was just turning 18 a few days ago! I've been looking forward to this night and thank you so much for coming out to celebrate with me."

I look over to her and see the way she's dressed tonight, her hair done really nice and a beautiful smile on her face.

"You look amazing tonight, Nellie."

She wraps her arms around me.

"It's not everyday you turn 20 years old."

I return the hug and make it long, feeling how good it is to put my arms around her.

"I can't believe it, it doesn't feel like I'm this old, but I'm grateful that I have so many people around me to celebrate with today. I'm so glad you could come and see my show tonight."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, Danny."

"Thank you so much... you know how much it means to me that you're here. I don't think the night could be any better if I tried."

I lean in closer and look at her.

"Hey, can I ask you somethin'?"

"Of course."

I look around to make sure there's no one else around that could hear us.

"I've... been wantin' to ask you something for a while now. I just... I get so nervous every time 'cause I don't want to ruin what we have and I'm scared you'll say no."

I take a deep breath and look at her.

"I've been wantin' to ask you if maybe you'd wanna... go out sometime? I think your hair is just gorgeous by the way."

I look down at her hair and smile at her as it flows down past her shoulders.

"Yo Danny, getta drink homie!"

I laugh and take the mug, feeling a little nervous but also a little drunk. I look at her and smile, seeing how beautiful she is and trying to muster up the courage to ask her. I gulp down some of the beer and decide that now's as good a time as any to give it a shot.

"Hey Nellie."

I look back at her and feel the courage start to rush through my veins. I can do this, I want to do this.

"Hey. I've been meaning to ask you this for a while now and it's kinda why I've been so nervous around you."

Without thinking too much, I just come right out and say it to her.

"I've always had a thing for you and I've wanted to ask you out for a long time now. There were so many times I wanted to just tell you how I felt but I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same way. Well tonight... I'm just too drunk and feeling too happy not to just tell you that you're amazing and that I really like you."

She follows me over and sits with me on the couch in the dressing room.

"Hey, Nellie."

I look at her and feel the nervous energy come back as I anticipate her answer. I cross my fingers under my thigh and wait for her to say something one way or the other. She looks at me and I smile, feeling like I might have finally found the courage to tell her how I feel like I should have so much sooner.

"Yes Danny?"

I'm completely lost in the moment as I watch her get closer and feel my heart start pounding out of my chest. This is it, I'm about to find out if she likes me back or not.

"So, it took me a while to work up the courage, but I just have to ask. Do you like me? I mean, the way I like you?"

I look at her and wait, biting my lip and feeling every movement and breath from both of us. She's so close and I can smell her perfume. It feels like every nerve in my body is firing at once.

"Oh Danny."

My eyes widen when she kisses me suddenly, the taste and smell of her sending me into a tizzy of sensation and emotion. I pull her in closer and kiss her back with all the passion in my body, my hands roaming up her back and pulling her in closer and closer. I move slowly and sensually with her, letting my feelings take over and my lips exploring hers and finding something new to love and appreciate each time they meet. I can't believe this is happening and even if this is the apex of the kiss, I want this feeling to never end.

"Nell, honey."

I'm on top of her on the couch, moving my body so it's pressed up against hers. The music blasting from the speakers outside fills the room as we kiss and the feeling that I'm dreaming washes over me. I run my fingers through her hair and move my lips to her neck, kissing her softly as my heart beats faster and faster. I pull away for a moment and look at her, seeing her eyes close and feeling like I want this moment to last forever.

"Nellie, I..."

"Yes, Danny?"

I look her in the eyes and try to find the courage to say what I've been feeling for so long but that I haven't had the strength to tell her.

"I... I love you."

I feel the passion in this moment take over as we continue to kiss. I pull her closer and feel the heat radiating out of our bodies as I move my tongue inside her mouth and our lips explore each others for all that this kiss can offer. My heart is pounding and I move one hand to her hair and the other to grab the bottom of her back. The music pounds outside the dressing room and we're lost in each other. My hands roam over her body and pull her in even closer. I hold onto her tighter and move my leg over her and feel both of us getting lost in sensation.

"Oh Danny."

I groan into her mouth and pull her close again as I wrap myself around her. Our bodies are so close to the point where I feel like we're one. I run my hands down her body and move my hand up her leg. We're so close to what we both want and the tension is becoming unbearable.

"Nellie..."

I whisper softly, feeling like I should be saying more but I'm unable to get the words out. My voice is raspy, my body trembling as I want to tell her how much I love her and how badly I want this to keep going.

"I think we're ready."

I take in a deep breath and move back away from her momentarily but keep myself on top of her. I look at her and feel like we've reached the ultimate point in the relationship we've been building together. I'm feeling the music from the stage outside and can hear the crowd outside, but the only noise that matters to me is the beating of my heart as I watch her and wait for what she's going to say next.

"Nellie... I think we're ready too."

I move my hands to her hair and let my lips explore her body, moving closer as I hear the music outside. Our breath slows as we both realize what we're about to do and the moment in front of us. I take in a deep breath and look into her eyes, trying to take in every feature of her face as we move closer together. I run my hands down her throat and body, the feeling of her skin sending shivers down from my head all the way out to my toes.

"Nellie..."

The music is loud and our bodies are pressed up against each other as we move closer and closer together. My mind is lost in sensation and the music and the atmosphere all around and I can feel her body against mine as we continue to move closer and closer to what we both want. My hands explore every part of her body and I try to memorize every detail. I kiss her harder and harder, trying to get as close as we can as time slows down and we're caught in each other's arms. I can no longer hold back and she can't either.

"Oh Danny! Danny!"

I grip her close and feel the climax approach quickly. I move my body against hers, feeling like we're the only people in the world.

"Nellie..."

I whisper and can feel her body against mine. Time slows down and I feel everything happening in the moment as my body reaches its climax. Nellie. I whisper softly once more and move myself against her, trying to hold back as much as I can but it's impossible. Everything outside the dressing room disappears and I feel like I can't breathe.

"Nellie..."

I whisper again, losing myself in sensation.

"Yes Danny! Yes!"

Everything is happening at once and I'm lost in it, my body moving on its own. I hold her close and let it happen, every inch of my body feeling a release and satisfaction like I've never experienced before. Everything is lost in passion and climax as I hold her close.

"Nellie!!"

I say loudly and continue to move against her, holding her close and losing myself in the moment completely.

"Danny!"

I feel like I'm losing control of my body as every sense I have is being overwhelmed with pleasure. Everything inside me is telling me to hold onto Nellie and never let go. I kiss her face and hold her tighter as the feeling of a release runs through me, feeling like the most incredible thing I've ever experienced.

"Nellie!!"

I yell out loudly and feel her move against me as well, feeling a pleasure equal to what I'm giving her, knowing that it's a shared moment of passion and release.

"DANNY!"

The moment continues to build as we hold onto each other and our senses go numb and we feel the release of the climax wash over us as the music outside drowns everything else out. It feels like the perfect moment of passion and joy and the ultimate release of everything that's been building between us. Nellie screams out in pleasure and I scream as well, letting all of the passion and joy and energy out and onto her, and feeling her do the same right back to me. It's the biggest and best release of everything I've ever felt.

"Oh Danny."

I lay on top of her and rest my head on her chest, feeling like we've just reached a new level of intimacy. I look up at her and see her looking down at me, the light of the stage outside falling on us and giving us a warm glow. I'm smiling and feel myself getting emotional, seeing how beautiful she is and feeling our connection. Things that have felt so out of reach for me are now more than possible with her. I sniffle and try to hold back tears of joy and look up at her.

"Are you alright, Danny?"

I smile and look at her again, seeing the glow of the light come over her and the beauty in her face. The tears fall down my cheeks and I wipe them away, still wanting to be in the moment. The music outside blasts us and we're lost in this feeling together.

"Yeah, Nellie."

I whisper and look at her again.

"I'm better than alright. I'm better than wonderful, Nellie."

I close my eyes and smile at her as she rubs my head and holds me tightly. Even as the moment begins to die down and the excitement wanes, I feel completely content and satisfied. I look at Nellie and smile.

"Nellie... I have something I want to tell you..."

I hold my breath for a moment, trying to find the words in the moment.

"Nellie... everything that... everything I've ever felt for you..."

I close my eyes and feel like the next words I say are the most important of my entire life, and I say them quietly but with everything in my body. I feel that my world just stopped and nothing else matters except her and the feelings I have for her. She looks at me and smiles.

"Nellie... are you... do you feel the same way? I mean, do you love me too?"

I ask, feeling like my heart and soul are in her hands. I look down at her and wait, feeling nervous yet so excited for her answer.

"Of course I do, Danny."

I smile at her and move closer again, wanting to be even closer to her than before. I rest my head on her chest and feel happy that I've found my true love. I feel like I got everything I ever wanted out of this night.

"I love you, Nellie. I really do. And I want to be with you every second of the day. No matter where go or what I do, I want you to be there."

"Danny if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were proposing."

The mention of marriage scares me a bit but I also realize that I do want her in my life forever.

"Well... that idea has crossed my mind. Nellie... will you marry me?"

I look at her with a smile, feeling like I'm asking the most important question of my life right now.

"Of course, Danny. I just hope you can remember asking in the morning."

I laugh and lay my head on her chest again, closing my eyes again. I rest my head on her as I try to absorb every second of this moment.

"Nellie... I'd never forget this night..."

I'm so full of happiness and love that it only takes a few seconds for me to fall asleep. I cuddle up close to Nellie and feel her rubbing my head still, feeling like every moment that passes is taking us closer to our future together. I drift off into a dream of Nellie and me in our home, her by my side for the rest of our lives, taking in all of the love I feel for her and her loving me back.

"Sleep well, Danny."

I lay on my back in bed on our wedding night and feel Nellie laying next to me, looking up at the ceiling and smiling. She turns to my side and faces me, propping her head up with a pillow. I smile back and feel happy and content, staring down at her face as she stares back at me.

"Nellie... are you happy?"

"Yes. We're married now. And I'm so glad that you've been feeling better."

I feel like I'm about to tear up just thinking about how beautiful tonight has been. I look at Nellie and try to hold back my tears but it's almost impossible.

"Nellie, you... you're amazing. Everything about this day... it's been perfect."

I reach over to her and pull her close, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her softly on the cheek. I smile at her and pull her in close, kissing her on the lips softly and slowly. The feeling of her warm body close to mine and her kisses lighting up my soul is the best feeling in the world.

"How do you want to spend our honeymoon?"

I close my eyes and think for a moment, wanting to make the most of every second with Nellie.

"I don't know, Nellie. I just want to be with you everywhere we go. But... I've always wanted to take you to Key West."

I smile and look at her, seeing the beauty in her smile and eyes as she looks back at me. I pull her in close and kiss her cheek again.

"We could get a great spot on the beach, spend time on the sand, swim in the water... what do you think?"

"That sounds great. My cousin Toby's the sheriff there."

I smile again and feel butterflies in my stomach.

"That's right, you have family down there. Well, maybe we could pay Toby a visit and you could show me more of the town. We could drive around all weekend, maybe rent a boat and go fishing."

I lean in to kiss her but stop, wanting to make sure this moment is right.

"Nellie, this is probably a bit premature, I know, but... do you think we'll be ready for kids pretty soon?"

I look at her and feel a bit nervous about whether or not she feels the same way.

"Well. Now that we're alone, I think it's about time I tell you."

I look at her and raise an eyebrow, wondering what she's going to tell me. I smile but also feel my heart speed up.

"Yes, Nellie... what's on your mind?"

I lean in to brush her hair away from her face and wait, wanting the moment to be perfect for whatever she's about to tell me.

"Do you remember the night of your 20th birthday party at the King Creole?"

I nod quickly and think back to that night, feeling like something is about to come up that I've never noticed before. I smile at her and keep my face close to hers, waiting for her to tell me what she's been waiting to say.

"I remember it... why am I getting nervous now?"

I laugh nervously as I feel the butterflies in my stomach take off.

"Nellie, tell me, what is it?"

"I wanted to wait until after we were married, but I'm going to have a baby."

My face lights up with joy and I look at her.

"You're pregnant?! Nellie? Is that what you were avoiding telling me this whole time?"

I feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted off my shoulders, knowing that everything I ever wanted is coming to me in an amazing surge of emotion. I feel like I could pick her up out of the bed and carry her like a princess right now.

"That's right, Danny."

I lean in to kiss her but quickly stop, the thought of the child growing inside of her sending another wave of joy through me. I smile and feel my mind racing with possibilities.

"Nellie... this is everything I ever wanted in the world. Nellie, we're going to have a little boy or girl running around the house in no time! It'll be hard work, but a baby is the ultimate reward. I promise to be the best father you could ever imagine."

I reach over and take her hand and smile at her, wanting her to know that we're in this together.

"Nellie... you're going to be a great mother. I've never been more certain of anything than right now."

I look at her and see her beautiful face smiling at me, the glow in her eyes and the joy on her face telling me that I'm with the right person to start a family. It's perfect. It couldn't be better.

"I'm so glad that you're alright with this."

I look at her and laugh softly.

"Nellie, I'm more than alright with this. This is everything. I'm so happy to share it with you. I love you."

Our honeymoon continues and we spend time walking on the beach, in the sun, holding hands, taking in the beauty around us. We drive around the island, stopping along the way to get a bite to eat and see some of the sights. The baby grows inside Nellie and her belly starts to show slightly, but she feels fine and her spirits and mine couldn't be higher. We stay in Key West for the weekend, then head back to New Orleans. It's been a perfect vacation and I'm ready to start a family with Nellie.