#<- because that's a part of that thought train for me personally

[randum-famdoms]

Something I have seen people complain about is when the story “stops” for a character to mentally think about their feelings regarding something.

I think that’s bullshit.

Like, okay. Think about it. How fast is your train of thought? Faster than your reading speed, right? Do your thoughts all happen in neat little sentences, or as more of a nebulous and/or choppy half-formed thing that *you* understand, but would sound like nonsense on a page?

Also, the character probably isn’t actually taking as long to think these things as you are reading it. “Character A feels xyz about this” isn’t taking ten seconds to actually happen, feelings coexist with action!

Now, there is a time and place for introspection. It is my personal philosophy to have the amount of introspection reflect the pacing of a scene. Fast battle scenes will be far more action-heavy and introspection-light compared to, say, a calm breakfast.

I think it balances the annoyance over pages of introspection completely breaking the flow of an intense section of the story (at least, from the perspective of the reader), while still maintaining some of that wonderful interiority (which is actually a new word for me, and I adore it).

I’m the first to admit that I am far from an experienced or professional author. I don’t have a professional editor, and my only education is via Highschool and middle school classes (and while I was always in the advanced classes, a few even college level, they were still restricted by being part of the American education system). I definitely can think of times where my grasp on the interiority slipped. Especially when it comes to describing things that wouldn’t necessarily be noticed by the pov character, simply because I as the author do know about it and think it’s funny or important.

I’d imagine a good rule of thumb regarding this would be to treat it like dialogue. People always say to read your dialogue out loud to notice any problems. Well, just act out the scene as though you are the pov character. Not necessarily irl, but in your head. (And maybe even irl if you can manage it, it can’t hurt!) What way are you facing? Would you be able to see that annoying dog? Would you focus on the person you are talking to’s face, or their hands? Is this activity one that you would space out during, or does it require laser focus?

Basically, all the things you would not think about if you imagine the scene like a movie as you are writing.

Picturing the scene as a movie can be helpful, particularly for things like imagery. But it does have its shortcomings, as op said.

It can work thematically for some stories, but when it comes to most writing that is not third person omniscient, it’s definitely something that can cause the reader to feel… distant, I guess. Less immersed.

It’s also something that, sadly, many writers will have to teach themselves and seek out to learn, because, as OP said, it’s becoming harder to find in modern works. This is doubly so do people who mainly read non-published works. I will sing the praises of fanfiction until the day that I die, and maybe even after, but the fact of the matter is that 99% of fanfiction authors are self taught. They may not know how to incorporate interiority. They may not even have ever read a work that had it.

I know a lot of people say that you should read the “classics”, and you may be thinking that could help here, but I for one am a fierce defender of not putting up requirements to be considered a writer, and that includes required reading. Yes it can help you learn skills, but so can more modern works. I learned a lot from reading Percy Jackson, and other lesser known books, and none of them are considered classics on par with The Great Gatsby or Shakespeare.

Instead, I propose this: if you want to get a better grasp on writing with interiority, try actually consciously focusing on your day to day life for a little while every day. Focus on your train of thought, on the things you focus on, on the things you see.

If you want to read something, great! Ask for recommendations, go to your local library and flip through books until you find one you think you will both enjoy and which has a good grasp of the concept.

First and foremost, however, in any writing, is to remember how we as humans actually live and interact with the world, and you’ve got a primary source of research at all times: yourself. Exclusively using other texts as sources will only ever end in a very broken game of telephone.

A lot of fiction these days reads as if—as I saw Peter Raleigh put it the other day, and as I’ve discussed it before—the author is trying to describe a video playing in their mind. Often there is little or no interiority. Scenes play out in “real time” without summary. First-person POV stories describe things the character can’t see, but a distant camera could. There’s an overemphasis on characters’ outfits and facial expressions, including my personal pet peeve: the “reaction shot round-up” in which we get a description of every character’s reaction to something as if a camera was cutting between sitcom actors.

When I talk with other creative writing professors, we all seem to agree that interiority is disappearing. Even in first-person POV stories, younger writers often skip describing their character’s hopes, dreams, fears, thoughts, memories, or reactions. This trend is hardly limited to young writers though. I was speaking to an editor yesterday who agreed interiority has largely vanished from commercial fiction, and I think you increasingly notice its absence even in works shelved as “literary fiction.” When interiority does appear on the page, it is often brief and redundant with the dialogue and action. All of this is a great shame. Interiority is perhaps the prime example of an advantage prose as a medium holds over other artforms.

fascinated by this article, "Turning Off the TV in Your Mind," about the influences of visual narratives on writing prose narratives. i def notice the two things i excerpted above in fanfic, which i guess makes even more sense as most of the fic i read is for tv and film. i will also be thinking about its discussion of time in prose - i think that's something i often struggle with and i will try to be more conscious of the differences between screen and page next time i'm writing.

[almostmylove]

SNEAK PEEK(wip) not sure if should continue it.

A binding ring

Part 1

Damien Wayne x reader

Synopsis: after Damien leaves most of his life in the assassin league he forgets one thing, his fiancée, you.

Warning: my spelling is bad and English is not my first language. Unrequired love.( I’m trying to improve my writing)

Damien Wayne was many things. a son, a brother, demon assassin, robin and even an enemy but to you , he was your fiancée and your love.

You two had known each other since birth and you attribute that to the fact that your mother and Talia had been “pregnant” about the same time and due to…surcomstance ,you to were promised to each other.

Grow up as his fiancee was tough due to the training that was mandated from both sides of the family to be able to qualified to be with him. You cuddled up to his mother pretty quickly, seeing her as a aunt and it seemed that she liked you too even tho she could be cold when she wanted to.

Damien on the other hand ,He didn’t like you so much, he really didn’t and you were fine with that since love in the legue was a seen a weakness but there was one problem.

You loved damien.

You loved him more than anything in the world. You didn’t know it was because of his skill, position or even personality but you just love him.

When you were young you would follow him around everywhere like a lost puppy and many times it would annoy him to the point were he would yell at you or even fight you.

The bruises, the endless silent cries didn’t stop you, you were ready to follow him to the moon and back if successor you had to so Image your surprise when Damien, the future leader of the legue of the assassins didn’t come back with his mother after rah al ghul had been murder by slade.

You were confused. Maybe a little heart broken that he left you behind but you were a romantic ( something he never understood ) so You asked around. No matter how hard you tried the only answer you got was “ it’s not your business” or “ go ask Talia , she’s the one who knows” and you did.

You were sure she wasn’t going to say anything so why in the hell were you outside of the Wayne mansion!

You stare at the white double doors, taking a minute to take everything in. The mansion was beautiful, with a magnificent garden right behind you and the way the soft yellowish night lights lit up the trees and surrounding area was the piniful of rich money( tho it wasn’t anything that was out of your league) it still managed to amaze you.

You knock on the door, your knuckles white with strain as the sudden quietness fills your ears, waiting for someone, something to fill the blank space.

You stand there awkwardly until you hear the soft and turn of the golden handle. Quickly you straight your outfit which was personal picked by Talia, a white almost dress like with golden accents that looks like it was made for a goddess( your hair accessories in a similar way).

The door opens and your are surprised to see an old man? Maybe a butler base of his clothing, that is now looking at you curiously with a prominate eyebrow raised.

Before you can say anything he speaks up first with proper but heavy British accent.

“ good evening young miss, what may I help you with this fine evening? He enquires , staring down at you . It’s only there when you realize how small you are compared to the aged butler.

You clear your throat. “ I’m looking for Damien Al ghul? Is he around here?” You shift to either side of your feet, your gaze pushing past the side of the butler and onto the hallway behind him trying to peak to see a glimpse of him.

Your vision is interrupted by the door sliding to side which makes you look up at the figure was standing in the way. It seems like the butler had no plans in letting you in . You had to find a way to let him in?( maybe by telling him your relationship with Damien?)

“ excuse me miss?” His voice interrupted your thoughts. “ but I’m curious. Who are you? And why have you come to find master Damien ?”

Perfect!

You stand up straight, lifting your head and the sides of your dress before showing curtíos bow. “ my name is [ name][last name] , i come from one of the branching clans of the league of assassins and current finance of Damien al ghul”

Perfect! You nailed your introduction! You high-fived yourself mentally and by the look of surprise on the butler face it seems he agreed too.

With any other greeting you would try to mask were you came from but Talia had already told you much about them including their nightly activities so it was only fair if they knew too. Worst case scenario the butler would know nothing about the league of assasins and would think you were crazy. Yet it seemed your speculation was right.

“ Damien’s fiancée you say.” The speculation and suspicion in his tone of voice was expected but hearing those words from him was a joy, it was an acknowledgement of your statues with Damien and your future.

“ why don’t we discuss this over tea” he offered, a slight smile on his wrinkled face.

“ of course, I would love to” a bit surprised by his offer but you would never decline an opportunity to talk about him

Carefully he guides you inside , never leaving your side and showing a small tour.

“ what’s your name good sir?”

He chuckled slightly before answer “ you can call me Alfred”

“ so you like tea right? What’s your favorite type”

“ I have quite the pallet for black tea.”

“Quite sophisticated I must say, a classic”

Say miss [name] have you tried cucumber sandwiches ?

“ I don’t think so? Are they good?”

“ i personally like them but you’ll have to try them yourself”

“I’m looking forward to it!”

The soft hum on the car engine runs thru the walls of the enclosure vehicle, only helping to fill the tense awkward atmosphere.

It wasn’t too often where the whole family is in the bat mobile after a mission. It was awkward and everyone knew it, Being crapped in a car that mainly only seated 2 people ( 4 max).

Jason sighs. His face facing the side window, a way of not facing anyone he didn’t want to talk to. Dick in the other hand tried to make conversation with just about anyone, talking about the mission they just completed.

It had been a while since he come to Gotham from blodhaven. He told them is was for a mission that lead him here but being honest he just wanted to check up on his family.

Jason on the other hand wanted nothing to do with them. It was purely by accident that he stumbled onto the battle and (hesitantly) decided to help and here he was now.

Tim as silent as ever, concentrated on something in his tablet.

Damien and Bruce where still aloof as ever, showing no other expression that doesn’t show how though they are.

The car ride was silent until a ring shined , shining on the center screen. The name displayed [alfred] caught the attention of almost everyone in the car.

“ answer” Bruce command with a low and smooth voice.

Damien looked away in disinterest in whatever the butler had to say, the car ride was going to be quick!so couldn’t it had waited.

“ what is it Alfred” he waited for the butler to answer, while keeping his eyes on the road as he took a sharp turn. Dick in the back saying a quick hi to Alfred that didn’t go unnoticed.

“ we have company “ he says, his thick accent turning and moving in cursive.

“ who is it Alfred? Just send them away until tomorrow. ” he commands dismissive

Alfred on the side of the screen , clears his throat as if preparing for the next sentence.

“ I can’t master Bruce. It’s an important acquaintances of master Damien”. Damien who was solum and disinterested now has straighter up , now having his ears perked up with a questionable look.

“ what do you mean Alfred? Tell who it is?” His voice is high pitch and reaping with answers? Who’s would visit him at this time and what did they need.

Dick who was listening in shimes in with excitement. “ a friend of Damien’s? I would like to meet them!” He says with a bright smile that is almost blinding.

“ Damien? Friends? That’s a first.” He chuckles mockingly.

The short boy in the front seat scouls, ready to bite back but stops short at the voice of his father.

“Quite.” He glares to the people in the back seat before turning his attention back up front l”Alfred we will be there in five”

“ right at it. Dinner should be ready by then Il see you until then” the old man mentions before hanging up the call.

Once the beep of the call ended question filled the car, mostly directed towards the boy. Not knowing the answers he stayed quiet only answering in a “ we will see soon enough” before turning his head back to the window. The tapping of his gloved fingers on his thighs didn’t go unnoticed by his brooding father.

Closing into the bat-cave , past the hidden sewer and into the long futuristic tunnel everyone held their breath. Specifically Damien who now was more curious then before.

The car raced foward finally landing on a rotating piece that spun them around, their back faced away from the entrance before they could see anything.

Everyone off loads from the car, the first one being Damien. You watch from above the railing in the batcave as he gets out looking around curiously for anyone and taking the opportunity you pounce on him before his vision darts upwards making both of you land on the ground.( him accidentally cusenishg you fall)

[projectjasper]

POND NARAVIT: On his rocky start in the entertainment industry and believing in yourself even when you don't succeed

[PART. TRANS. CREDIT]

Pond: Basically, in the five years I've been in the entertainment industry, I've never talked about this anywhere. This will be the first time I talk about it, now that I got a chance to finally debut with my friends.

The reason why I want to be a dancer/artist is because that's what I've always wanted, even before entering the entertainment industry. Going back around six years ago, in 2018-2019 - that's when I started dreaming about this. But I didn't dare tell anyone, because I was afraid people would think it's funny or something like that. Like "is that even possible?", so I've never told anyone. It was my passion and I was just trying to do it by myself.

As time went by, I tried more and more. But to be an artist, you have to have training and skills, which you need to constantly perfect. At the time, my family let me earn money on my own. I went to work part-time. It was some coffee shop, it was a while ago now. I worked there every day during school break. I worked until I saved some money.

Then, in the evening, past 6 p.m. I would go to dance classes. I didn't care that I had to wake up early, because this was something I really wanted to do. I thought that one day I could succeed at this, so I went to dance classes every evening. For about two or three months, I went there every day. But it was expensive and - what's more - time-consuming. Because, with dancing skills, it's not like you can do it for a couple of days and become good. At the time, I'd been going to dance classes for two months, but it wasn't enough to go to an audition or anything like that.

So I kept practising, but I also got into university and had to study hard there. I didn't really have an opportunity to go to dance classes as much because I had to focus on studying. We were poor. But there was an audition held somewhere and I decided to try. At first, I was very excited. But I didn't even go past the first round.

It was 2019, I was a kid, and I was like "What am I doing?" At first, to be honest, I was quite disappointed and really sad, because I remember trying very, very hard, waiting for this opportunity for so long, and then it just didn't happen. But though I was sad, I wasn't upset, because I felt like I just hadn't reach my full potential yet.

Then I tried to send an audition tape somewhere. The person contacted me back. I was so happy. At the time, it was like the greatest thing I've ever experienced in my life. Things went smoothly for a while, I almost got it, but there were certain circumstances that made it impossible to move forward at the time. They said: "Oh, the situation isn't right yet" or something like that. "Let's wait until everything is resolved, and you'll be contacted again".

I remember I was really sad about this because I thought they were just trying to be nice and comfort me. I was devastated, I was crying a lot. Because things went quite far, but then they ended up saying it couldn't happen because of the "current circumstances". And I just had to "wait until they contacted me again". I was so sad, I cried and I couldn't dance either. I basically stopped dancing for like a year. I felt really hurt.

Joong: [leans over to look at Pond]

Pond (to Joong): Don't cry, don't cry.

Pond: So there was a period when I just couldn't dance, I would think about it and I'd just get really sad. I couldn't do it. I couldn't even watch or otherwise consume anything dance-related. I just stopped completely, disappeared from the circle of friends who danced with me for a while. For almost a year. At that point I've been trying to do this for almost three years and it hadn't gone anywhere, it didn't work, so I just disappeared because i was devastated. I was so sad. Any time I thought about dancing again, I just thought about what happened. When those friends called me, I kept saying I was busy and making up other excuses.

But then something happened, exactly a year later. I got a call and they said: "Do you remember when we promised we'd contact you?" They really did, they called me back. All this time, I thought they were just trying to console me when they said that.

I was shocked. And I looked back at what I've been doing the past year and thought I shouldn't have stopped dancing. If I didn't stop, all my skills would still be there. But because I did, they started disappearing. They were gone. I had to practically start over with my dancing skills. I was also trying to sing, but that skill worsened too. As for rapping, I never practised it continuously in the first place. And oh, I was so stressed about it all. They told me: "See you in two weeks!" And I was sitting there, thinking to myself: oh no, what am I supposed to do? I can't do anything. So I was practising my dancing skills every day.

Pond: [points at Joong] You know this, you know.

Joong: Ooooh yeah! Woke up early and immediately went dancing!

Pond: I was dancing every day, I was dancing so much that my body could barely handle it anymore. I was working and studying hard at the time too. There was so much on my plate, my immune system was in bad shape. But I just felt like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I wanted to do it. I didn't know what would end up happening, but I really wanted to do my best. I was ready to practice even until I died if necessary.

And with time, things were going okay, they were getting good. I was contacted again and they said they want to meet up. They wanted me to prove my talent one more time. And in the end, it didn't happen. I was so upset at the time, but then I thought: oh, that's alright, at least I've grown up during this experience. I wasn't going to cling to those missed opportunities anymore. If I focused on regret and stopped dancing again, the skills that I worked so hard for would deteriorate once more. And that's the story!

I want to tell everyone that no matter what your dream is - I want you to have this mindset. If it doesn't work the first time or something goes wrong, don't be sad or blame yourself. Don't blame others. Don't get so discouraged that you abandon everything. Think about it carefully. It's okay, just try again. Even if that one thing didn't work out, something better will come up in the future. But just prepare yourself, because if I didn't stop for an entire year back then, I might have even gotten that opportunity in the end.

Joong: One door closes but another opens.

Pond: Exactly.

BONUS: Five years later, he has achieved what he set out to do! 🫶

[priv-heree]

Things/details I miss when reading fanfics

okay, recently I had a strange thought: I miss reading 3 types of things in heroes/DC/batfam fanfics. Like, the things I'm going to mention here are not mandatory to write, and if you think they are unnecessary details, okay. I also won't stop reading precious fanfics because of this. I just thought about creating this post commenting on the subject, because I thought it would be interesting.

So, I miss 3 things in fanfics:

(headcanon) the fact that the heroes, at least public figures like Bruce/Oliver and Batfam, know how to apply makeup professionally (at least, do the foundation). They probably have someone who knows how to do this for them, like Alfred. But they alone must know how to apply makeup very well. Bruce for exemple has to know how to do this, because he must have A LOT of dark circles under his eyes and permanent bruises on his jaw, and he's probably paler than he appears to be on television. It's so funny that he probably puts on makeup before appearing in public! It would be great to see fanfics show this side of him without makeup: worn out and with several scratches on his chin.

Training or warming up. Like, they're already strong naturally, especially with daily practice on the streets or saving the world. But sometimes it would be so cool for more fanfics to casually describe, for example, Jason at his place lifting weights, doing sit-ups and other warm-ups while talking to someone (or just warming up for a patrol). This is a simple detail, not necessary, but I dunno, just imagining it makes me like: 🫦🫦. Imagine Cass doing push-ups all sweaty 🫦 (we listen n we dont judged).

body hair. I don't read a lot of straight sex, but of the few I've seen, the characters' private parts are either smooth, or there's no mention of hair. And it’s like that in lesbian and gay sex too. Of course, there are fanfics that describe characters having body hair, but it's not common. DON'T GET ME WRONG, this is not a fetish of mine, and I personally prefer my partner and I to be "smooth" (forgive me for the gratuitous intimacy), but in the superhero universe it makes sense for them not to be smooth. Some of the characters may like to shave, especially women characters, but they wouldn't always have the time. Describing the characters as having body hair would be more realistic for me. Normally for hero men in comics, their chests and legs contain some hair, although not all of them and it depends on the artist. Of course, sometimes the writer might not like this, or don't think it's an important detail to mention. I know! With this post I'm not trying to force anyone into anything because it would be more "real". These are just thoughts that came to my mind.

[kcalsforhim]

𓏲.ೃ࿔❀˙˖ ｡ wednesday 8 jan 2025

༄.°

i weighed myself this morning and i actually weighed 49.2 so i felt kind of proud of myself even tho that’s not even LW yet aha…

i felt sickly and gross, so i ate a breakfast

98g cucumber — 12cal

250ml oreo cola — 0cal

in the fridge were 3 burritos. god i wanted them, i wanted them more than anything, i wanted to eat all 3 even tho the 3rd one had ingredients i didn’t even like and i just. cried for a bit. i would smell the food like a crazed person. took a step back then and eventually threw it away because it was just making everything unnecessarily hard

i actually felt decently good afterwards. i remember not sleeping well the night before you know ? i ate it pretty slow and i was like… wow i feel so much better knowing i didn’t eat those burritos. eventually floods and waves of relief came over me. eli was there for me she also said my meal was mealspo LOL

i did my whole outfit and makeup and. oh. my god. i just felt so huge and fat in that fucking outfit and i was COLD as a motherfucker. i wanted to change but i didn’t and i live to regret it i felt so massive the entire day. i even confided in that insecurity to haku who was even shocked cause by now you guys know i love cool and revealing fashion ?! i told myself its likely the weather cause a lot of my doubts recently have just been the aweful cold sharp wind i can feel in my bones if im not properly dressed…

covered myself up the entire day except for during an exam where i had to take off my jacket and even my apple watch and i felt like EVERYONE had their eyes on my flubbbery ass stomach it was godaweful. i went to the station with haku and there we had such a nice deep conversation and i realised quite a few things about him during that conversation

afterwards we went home and i just took the nearest train. got to the local train station and started walking to my friends house. she owed me money still. we went to return her cans so she could give me the change but she ended up using her can receipts to buy cola and that rlly pissed me off cause she still owed me 2,60 euro :/ didn’t have the energy to be too mad tho i just acted like it was fine

i went home i had gotten some soda too but i could actually afford it LMAO. walked home with my bag being so heavy i felt like the gravity could cut off my arm and i got home. mom made me something good, something safe, so i didn’t mind eating it if i skipped my protein bar.

this diet im on is all about pushing the limits, but preventing binges and staying consistent in the 200-300 cal range is the ultimate goal above all else

100g pumpkin pieces - 15cal

135g of chicken breast - 143cal

124g of cucumber - 17cal

8g of white chocolate - 44cal

1 medjool date - 66cal

oh and the guilt with this, my oh my. you guys have no idea. but, it’s okay, i counted very intently and i ate it room temp cold. i HATE cold chicken so i really thought it was alright, the flavour was of course nice but there’s only so much you can enjoy. the chicken and pumpkin pieces are coated on soy sauce, which is what gives it that color. i promise on my life that’s not potatoes LMAO

the piece of chocolate is cut in half, my mom offered me a whole piece it was from some semiluxury brand. i didn’t know how to handle it so i cut it in half and gave it back to her and i said so she can try it too, aren’t i so thoughtful ? i definitely should’ve binned it…

do you guys like my new pink tray ? i think it’s way cuter than the dinosaur one i had been using before we happened to have in the house. i have 2 sizes and this one is the larger size

i want to retake these photos when im thinner, and after i found these pictures i just started spiralling more and more, i looked at pictures of my old self, then at HW, then i deliberately looked at pictures of myself i can’t even recognise myself in yet i feel the same way he felt. fat and guilty and ugly and every part of him was huge. i still lack willpower just like he did i in actuality didn’t make much progress sadly. i hope i can change by the time summer comes around. i remember crying till i fell asleep LOL

bonus : i had a dream this night about new years, my dream was about me and an old old friend of mine hanging out with my mom and getting her to take courage to see the fireworks. in this dream she was scared of them. but. somehow. my protein bars SNUCK INTO MY DREAM. i was feeding them to her to help her with her restrictive diet in this dream. DUDE

the fact i share a dutch accent / dialect with this genre of music and this kind of guy is going to send me. i found this song on tiktok and it made me laugh so much i gotta

𓏲.ೃ࿔❀˙˖ ｡ stats for today

streak : 3 days !

cals : 297

steps : 19.0k

today was okay but the clothes i picked i am not putting myself thru that again untill spring cause it’s too cold and i am currently fat as a motherfucker.. im actually excited for my protein bar later today guys i want those tiny cals.. about as excited as i can be for… a single bar but ok

༄.°

[mishalikessoundsandcolours]

Thoughts on existence

Sometimes I think that it would be nice to just not exist in a material sense. Like, one could just take on a visual form if they wanted to, and change it anytime, or just not exist in that sense and only be there as a voice, or even a thought - like a ghost, but not dead because I like being alive. It's so wonderful and you can do so much with it. And sometimes I also think that existing as a physical, living thing is something cool and it can be really fun. I love dressing up, figuring out how to make my body look certain ways through clothes and also expressing myself with them, doing makeup even though I don't know how it works, and feeling the world around me. And hugs, I don't think being immaterial would be too fun without them. The problem is just that as soon as you're material, physically existing, you're immediately pressured to be something specific, that something being based on things about your physical form. And I don't want that. I don't want to always have to do and be certain things just because I look a certain way. Because I'm girl-shaped. Because I'm a human and not some other species. Because I'm a teenager. And nobody should be pressured to do certain things and be limited because of that. The potential of a physically living being is endless and every person is unique and allowed to do anything with that potential. Or sometimes do nothing with it. Sometimes, wanting to disappear and evaporate okay. But being here and bound to this world shouldn't be a burden, we shouldn't make it painful for each other. Physical existence is neither a gift nor a curse – it's just a thing that happens, a factor that sets certain rules, and it's our right to do anything we like with it, move between the rules or bend them, test their limits, because we really don't fully know what they are. Nobody is obliged to test them, either, but anyone can try. It's my existence and I can try to explore as much of it as I want to and leave just as much a mystery.

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

I really like kafhoshi ... it good.... Ther s so much potential and so much material to work with AND YET THERES LIKE NOTHING!!!!! *Rolls up my sleeves* gotta do everything myself in this damn house...

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

[spiralsandeyes]

jude perry....

[senselessalchemist]

finally have an actual job so maybe I can stop being a hermit and get officially divorced and feel sort of financially stable and possibly try dating again and get a cat ??? is that allowed? no I probably shouldn't unless I get a bigger place and can have two cats to be friends

downside is when the fuck am I supposed to draw dumb comics if I'm working for hours and hours a day? Hell and suffering on earth. maybe i should get an iPad or a whatthefuck ever and draw on the commute so I don't lose even more of my meager art skills

[bisexualmaedhros]

transfem furries hornyposting online about the relatively niche/"out there" things they're into have inadvertently helped me accept myself more than the body positivity movement of the 2010s ever did

[termagax]

for all his misery and mopey nature i do think he likes and prefers being roadhog and wouldnt go back for anything. i think "feeling like mako" means feeling small and ashamed and weak in his mind and he hates it.

[omarwolaeth]

It's such a tiny innocuous thing that really doesn't matter, but I feel like calling duel monsters a children's card game (when it's fundamentally baked into everyday life, and your social existence is judged by what you play and how you play it so very intensely, for everyone in-universe) is an absolute injustice to what it is for that universe of people.

[adore-gregor]

:)

[pendragora]

Might a girl live without any body horrors for just one fucking night

[13eyond13]

.