#/anywho i'm going on my way
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this might have been the baby brain that helped form this opinion but i'm pretty sure the best thing i've ever tasted was some tomato juice in an aluminum can when i was prolly 3-4 years old. literally the most amazing thing on the planet but i could Not tell you what it actually tasted like
#just me hi#you might say '? you Just said it was tomato' but man i have never tasted a tomato That good ever again#i still think about that juice man#that might have also been the first time i experienced the 'Mato and you know they've been sort of downhill for years .-.#like. Tomato. it's supposed to be Sweet. we all know this. it's a fruit#but why is it that most tomes taste like mostly water or kind of sour ?#ik it's business practices. but i might just explode if i don't ask questions i'm slightly curious about only to realize the answer is#incredibly obvious Hbfhsf :)#//anywayyy i wanna work on my comic stuff#really do but it feels like a lot#could be but also hmm#if i don't nothing happens - if i Do the worst thing that happens is i get the Spooky but i Also get something done#hmm this is so hard Hbvhshf#yea i guess i'll go do that#i might have to reformat the page bc hhhmmghf i don't really like it lmao :'>#luckily i think i'm still at the sketch stage so !!#+ also i need to. have some restraint with the Glam#there's.. oh it's so much hfhsh#/anywho i'm going on my way#toodles :> !!
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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Long-ass fandom rant because I need to scream into the void to find a reason to live let's gooooo
[For context I wrote most of this last friday which I thought was good to mention so the timeline makes a bit more sense. I really held off on this one XD Welp, let's start this trainwreck.]
Ok, I know I have other long posts I should be paying attention to (*cough* Keiji's shady shenanigans rant *cough*) among other probably more important things, but quickly wanna get this off my chest because it's kinda started to bug me and add even more concerns about the yttd fandom than I already have. This is specifically going to be about soushin-- yeah, yeah, I know-- but also bleed into something more... broad. Or broader. Idk, I'm a Tumblr user not a grammar teacher.
While browsing through Twitter I've been noticing a little spike in popularity for yttd with more fans and soushin shippers emerging as well. Which is cool, the game deserves all the praise and popularity it can get. And as someone whose been here for years, I'm glad that the fandom is slowly and steadily grown more accepting of soushin compared to the attitude around it way back when. There's been some genuinely really cool stuff that really does the ship justice from a lot of talented artist and writers that I absolutely love (will link some later), but something I've also been seeing a lot of from fans is what I can only describe as a "sanitisation resurgence" (but not really. kinda). A week or two ago on Twitter I stumbled across some soushin discourse where some people were sharing the sentiment that "if soushin end up being related and/or have a big age gap the ship is ruined". That they can only be two years apart max or else Nankidai has "fumbled them".
And the only response to that I had is "what". Like, how is that a deal breaker to you lot? How did you even get into the ship without accepting that those things could very likely end up being canon? How are you here and not ready to ship them no matter what's revealed about them after everything we've learned about them? Midori and Shin possibly being related was always on the table, and Midori potentially having already been an adult when Shin was in high school was always a very real possibility ever since we learned that he was never actually a student at his school. This is literally what soushin shippers got harassed by antis for years ago. Soushin is "problematic", and that's why people who shipped them where treated so badly in the fandom or just excluded all together. I can't count how many timed I've come across a "soushin shippers dni" or "soushiners are freaks and I hope you all have a bad day" or soushin fanfics/art with "I DON'T ACTUALLY SHIP IT BTW" and "not a ship" and "actual soushin shippers dni" attached to it. I can't recall how many times I had to explain myself with the "I ship but I don't condone it irl" or explain why I shipped them to not be labelled as a freak as if you need an excuse to ship anything fictional to begin with. I still remember soushin artist @uououoon and how they ended up deleting their Twitter account years ago because of the harassment and slanderous comments they were receiving for ships the fandom deemed problematic. When a person was saying their goodbyes to them on reddit and made some goodbye art (which is now deleted), some assholes in the comments were calling them weirdos and pedophiles for how they explored fiction and "glorified abuse" (which are the usual comments to uououoon's art posted on reddit unfortunately). I only caught wind of this one because back when they were still active in the fandom they were my favourite soushin artist and I went through their stuff almost every day and was tipped off when I randomly couldn't find their account anymore. They were such a nice and incredibly talented person too so the fact they essentially got bullied by a flock of stupid western fans seriously irritates me thinking about it again. This is why we cannot have nice things.
Soushin is "problematic". It's toxic and subtly abusive and important to the characters in question, but that didn't stop people from going after people who wanted to explore a dark, canon relationship (romantic, platonic or otherwise). How the actual hell did we go from "soushin has very toxic and problematic elements and you shouldn't be shipping it, you fucking freaks" to "you can ship it but don't make it actually problematic, you fucking freaks" like what is happening right now???? The worst part is that this is coming from other soushin shippers. The fact that there's actually soushiners with "proshippers dni" or "soushin is not for proship" genuinely makes me want to bite someone. Like, you horrible summer child-- not only are you demonstrating that you don't even know what "proship" actually means, but you're also spitting in the face of the people in our community that have CARRIED this ship for us for years. Why throw them under the bus to be one of the “good ones” in the eyes of antis when they hate us all anyway?
This brings us back to the sanitisation point: I feel like soushin is slowly being "sanitised" to fit the sensitive palette of antis by trying to make them as "morally acceptable" as possible. It's a worry I’ve had for a long time that once the fandom grows more accepting of the ship we'll be seeing more people basically scrubbing soushin of everything that made, well, soushin, to justify enjoying it. I've seen a bit of it already with a few people trying to say it's "not abusive" or just erase Shin's very obvious trauma by Midori all together for quite some time. Guess it's starting to happen on a bigger scale sooner rather than later. Maybe. Personally I don't think soushin having a big age gap or being related would ruin the ship. It just adds another layer of fucked up to their already fucked up relationship (I already hc Midori to be significantly older anyway so maybe I'm just biased). It doesn't really matter. I came here for toxic yaoi. I want nuclear waste level toxicity, not nuclear waste level toxicity presented in the most conventional and moral way possible. What would the point even be? It’s like packaging poison in a grape juice box. Like, it might be harmless to look at and more justifiable to think of as delicious, but it’s still poison. You making it look all cute and innocent isn’t going to change that. It's kinda funny and by that I mean not really that people will talk about wanting more "toxic yaoi" but when the yaoi is actually toxic and messy and horrific they will cry about it being "bad" or "ruined". You don't actually want dark dynamics, you want dark dynamics stripped of everything that makes them uncomfortable and dark so it's digestible to your tastes that don't even align with said dynamics in the first place. The worst part of this whole "soushin isn't proship so it's fine" bullshit is that it relies on trying to make the ship more "morally acceptable" or "legal" than other ships. Dawg, we are talking about abuse. You shouldn't be minimising that to say "well it's not [insert other terrible thing] so it's fine!!" That's not the "gotcha" you think it is. It’s one of the reasons why antis being into soushin made me feel weird cuz like you can’t ship it and then turn around to insult someone else, man (I’ve seen so many soushin defenders bash other “proships” to justify theirs like what are you doing--).
Realistically, the simplest and smartest thing to do when I see someone mischaracterise or butcher my faves is to either block or ignore and pretend to not care so I don't act on my sixth sense telling me to off them and myself. Realistically, this shouldn't be a big deal or anything that important, but this attitude is usually weaponized to harm and harass people who don't conform to their purity crisis over fiction. I'm in the unfortunate position of being not only a Your Turn to Die fandom dweller, but a Hazbin Hotel and The Coffin of Andy and Leyley one too. I'm used to being labelled a rapist and incest apologist irl who's delusional and deserves to be harassed and insulted by virtue of the media or ships I like (probably not a good thing). But people who are more active in these fandoms than me have it much worse as they get this shit directly waaaay more often while I mostly get called these things indirectly, which is what motivated me more to make this post.
So a couple days ago someone made some art of Monika from ddlc, Nikole (don't know the game sorry) and Ashley from Tcoaal. A lot of people on Twitter, unsurprisingly, bashed it for including Ashley to the point where some felt the need to clarify that they like her as a character but her actions (for some reason I do not understand like Monika has also done some seriously evil shit why are you not applying that logic to her too?). What struck me the most is that a yttd fan-- a self proclaimed "Midori enthusiast"-- ALSO quoted it to bash having Ashley in it. A freaking Midori fan. I told them to mind their business and start separating fiction and reality and to stop being a hypocrite, and thus ensued the most hilarious and stupidest convo I've had in a while:
You can literally count the seconds it takes for these guys to start throwing predator accusations and slurs at people. So "not exploring fiction correctly" makes me weird, but harming or putting real people on blast for nothing is free game, apparently. They're not the worst, both in this instance and in general, but it just stuck with me. Which is impressive, cuz I normally don't have much emotions to spare aside from general mild irritation for things like this. Maybe it's the Sonic feet.
But it ties into my issue. Midori's an absolute piece of garbage, yet some people will convince themselves that his actions are in some way justifiable to justify their hatred of something else (that is a lot less severe in this case) rather than love and let love. Tcoaal is not an "incest game" and if you describe it like that unironically you are not ready to be on the internet. No, it doesn't condone or glorify incest-- it literally does the opposite. If you need the characters to look into the camera and say "what we're doing is wrong and immoral" before doing something bad, I think you're the problem at that point. For the same reason you liking Midori (probably) doesn't mean you support human experimentation and torture, someone liking Tcoaal doesn't mean they support incest and someone shipping soushin doesn't mean they support abuse. These things are dark and shouldn't be condoned irl, but this is fiction. We can do whatever the hell we want. Being into darker themes and media doesn't have to reflect your real world views, but the inability to grasp that sentiment leads people to make their interests as moral and sanitised as possible and, feeling morally superior, will go after people who don't do that. This person deadass said that "incest is not morally grey and absolutely unjustifiable" (didn't even say that it wasn't btw) as if their blorbo hasn't committed so many atrocities for kicks that I personally find more unjustifiable. That line implies that they think that everything else Ashley has done and everything Midori has done can be justified because it wasn't incest specifically, which I find is a WILD thing to insinuate XD But it really does encapsulate the hoops antis will jump through to defend their likes while attacking yours despite the fact that it's literally the exact same as theirs. Rule of thumb: if someone accuses you of condoning something immoral because you like it in fiction, apply that logic to them, look at what they like and if their wet little meow meow is the Joker, Eren, Killua, Makima, Midori or whatever other morally bankrupt character you can come up with, take that as a confession and run. Cuz half the time these guys are actually nuts. While quote tweeting someone to shit on their art isn't the worst thing, considering how twitter has treated tcoaal artists the fact that they'd potentially open them up to harassment pissed me off, which is probably evident from my tone.
[Hi hi, this is me from the present right now cuz a more recent development came up so I’m using it as an example here too.]
While most of the things listed here have all been happening online, this attitude can come up in the real world as well.
As OP states, a bunch of hellaverse cosplayers were targetted at a french convention by haters of the show trying to ruin their cosplay. This is already completely unacceptable but the thing I can’t for the life of me get over is torching their costume while they’re still wearing it. Literally attempting to set someone on fire. All over a fucking show. It’s baffling how people can justify actions like this because they think your taste in fiction is so disgusting it’s Ok for them to hurt you. Not just online, but outside as well. It’s not the first time a hellaverse cosplayer has been harassed (last time it was a Valentino cosplayer but then again Val fans get shit from all sides all the time), and while I’m pretty sure these will remain as isolated cases it’s still scary to think about. What’s even more scary to think about how people think that their opinion on hazbin hotel has any relevance to the situation. So many of the comments in that post are just “I hate Hazbin Hotel, but—” or “I hate the fandom, but--” or “I hate Vivzie, but—” and I’m literally here ready to start pouncing like SHUT UP. No buts. That is not in any way important here. You not liking the show or the creator should not be important to the situation of cosplayers being actively harmed. You don’t have to signal your allegiances before showing basic human empathy, goddamnit. And what’s even worse is that some people have just turned this into a “b-but the hazbin fandom!!” issue, which is insulting. For example:
The “Hazbin fans do blackface and disrespect black people daily” is a reference to ONE Alastor cosplayer that nobody had defended. Not even fans. At least no one I can find. Yet they are using this one bad apple to generalise the whole fandom as "bad" and down play the amount of bullshit the hatedom does to fans on a regular. It kinda makes me feel sick that someone would look at a situation like this and spin this into a “fandom thing” rather than focusing on the victims. That they don’t deserve to be taken as seriously just because of the fandom their in. Some lunatic in the comments was literally completely minimising this whole thing saying “some red paint (fake blood capsules) isn’t nearly as bad as lynching and what black people have gone through in America” before calling anyone who called out that that’s completely irrelevant racist for liking Hazbin Hotel like are you kidding me. My homies in Christ, someone almost got lit on fire can everyone please stay on the goddamn topic. This is one of the rare moments where I was kinda proud of twitter as the majority of the comments and quotes where calling out their bullshit, but the amount of likes and some of the comments are still disappointing.
So what points am I trying to make here? This was very spontaneous and rushed so apologies if it feels messy cuz it very much is messy. But my main points boil down to this: Purification, sanitation and the “fiction equals reality” and "your fictional tastes reflect on you morality irl" arguments need to die. They just have to. While petting Shin on a daily basis gives me enough serotonin to find the will to live, the only true solace I will find is when people start being normal. People shouldn’t be getting harassed or labelled as freaks for fiction you don’t like both online and real life. People are not less worthy of basic human decency and empathy solely based on their fictional interests. People should be able to explore fiction however the hell they want without worrying about there being made a call out post on them somewhere. I search Tcoaal on twitter and there’ll always be a bunch of posts with over 10k likes calling all fans annoying weirdos or say it’s an “incest game” even tho it literally isn’t. I will try looking for some Valangel art on tumblr and see some loser use the tag to basically shit on everyone who ships it and lying about the treatment these shippers get while defending Charlastor or just shit on the ship in general. I just exist on the twitter side of the HH fandom chilling with other Val fans and literally every single one of them has either received death/rape threats or told to kill themselves, got ratio’d by a bunch of haters, had a call out post saying not to follow dedicated to them, had their art reposted and Val scribbled out, repeatedly accused of ““romantising a rapist””, or all of the fucking above. Valentino’s VA gets asked if he’s actually like the character he plays in real life or a fan being “relieved that he didn’t abuse them like Valentino” when they met (kudos to Joel for being chill about it btw I would be fuming this fandom does not deserve this man). I type in a certain controversial yttd ship to search and most of the latest posts are just people being rude, saying that if Nankidai makes them canon they’ll drop the game, calling the man himself a freak, calling other shippers freaks, shitting on soushin as well and then having soushiners defend their ship while also shitting on said controversial ship. It genuinely feels like fanbases are circuses and we are the clowns 💀
I could list other examples people being weirdos but I can't do that without breaking the momentum of this post even more than I already have. I guess what I wanted to vent about is how these attitudes regarding fiction and the way people police how others engage with it and how people think of you based on what you like can go from just annoying to downright dangerous more often than you’d think. That belief that you are morally superior to someone else based on the fact that you ship or like things the “legal” and “pure” and “healthy” way (which is never actually the case btw) can lead to you being really disrespectful or a complete asshole and not feeling bad about it at all, which does more harm than good. Which is why I thought it was important to bring up more extreme cases to empathise how this obsessive gatekeeping of fiction can and does hurt real people, who should be more important to you than fictional characters.
All of this is very likely going to sound very aggressive in tone and I want to quickly clarify that this is not meant to be an attack towards anyone in particular. I'm just tired and recalling all this stuff is making my mood sink like a stone lmao. Who knows, maybe I'm just overexaggerating and things won't get worse when the game gets more popular. This is just what I've been witnessing both in and out of my side of the moon. The amount of yttd fans I've seen act like this are a lot tho. No fandom is perfect obviously, and this one is the farthest from it, but with new people coming in and this weird attitude and need to sanitise not only towards soushin, but other "problematic" ships and media as well growing more prominent (mostly on Twitter and Tiktok) my biggest worry is that the hostility in this fandom will just... increase? Roulettefeel made pretty good posts about it-- my favourites being this one, also this one and this one's pretty short and sweet, summarising most of my soushin points a lot better and shorter than my trainwreck of a post so I recommend checking them out. If you like soushin, go check them out. If you don't like soushin, go check them out anyway. They make stuff outside of soushin too. They're pretty cool.
[I also want to add that the whole sanitisation thing in the yttd fandom is nothing new. It’s been a thing for longer than I have been here. I’ve just been seeing it again with soushin, which is was what made me want to do this in the first place. There’s another dynamic the fandom obviously does this for, but uttering it would not only get me flamed but straight up burned at the stake of bad takes so I’m saving that for a rainy day.]
Aaaaannd, I'm done, I think. I didn't have a good conclusion for this in mind. Idk, just be nice? You don't have to like "proships" (or what the fandom has defined as proship cuz that's not the actual definition), but that's what the block buttons for. Don't like, don't read, I say. Fandoms are for everyone and as long as what the person is doing is harmless, let them feel safe being themselves without having to worry about someone coming after them. Real life cops already suck. Let's not bring them into our collective escapism. And something you personally don't like ending up canon doesn't mean the game or ship is "ruined". That doesn't just go for soushin. That goes for other things too. To tie up loose ends, soushin having an age gap or being related has always been on the table and fits with other themes in the narrative. That does not count as "bad" if it makes sense. Soushin is not "Ok to ship" because it's "not an illegal ship" (whatever tf that means) and it's not "bad to ship" because it's "romanticising abuse". It's fine to ship because it's fictional. You don't need a moral justification to ship anything. That goes for all ships. That's why NOTPs exist. And "proship" doesn't and has never meant "shipping problematic pairings". It's a stance on shipping. It means being pro people being allowed to ship whatever they want. That includes being cool with problematic pairings, but is not limited to those. It means not being a fandom cop. Please stop saying otherwise, I cannot keep living this way--
Soooouuu, to end off on a more positive note and finally put this whole thing to bed I'll link some of my fav newer soushin accounts for anyone who's interested:
Hyo (orewagahai on ao3 check that out too): They are an amazing, amazing writer. If you're into dark, abusive co-dependent, complicated soushin with beautiful characterisation I would highly recommend. They just posted another soushin drabble on twitter and it's great.
jinn: They've been putting out banger after banger ever since getting into the game. Their art is absolutely stunning and they upload frequently, so go check 'em out if you can! It's actual medicine for the soul, I promise. They also draw for dead plate, so if you're into that go ahead too.
angel: Also cool. They're soushin art is hilarious and cute. As much of a sucker as I am for toxic, abusive sludge, they give thses two idiots a silliness that I enjoy. Also if you like trans!Shin content they're pretty good.
欣武 (my dumbass forgot to add them the first time sorry): They are INCREDIBLE. Extremely incredible artist. Their art is so, so freaking good. Not checking them out is absolutely your loss, ngl.
Be nice to them. If I catch anyone attempting to annoy them I'm coming after you and your entire family. Let's be better and not chase new comers off this time :3 Thanks for listening to my incoherent venting. This is mostly for me to feel a bit better, but anyone is free to read. If anyone's got an opinion or observation, feel free to offer it. I need coffee. Coffee sounds good.
#yttd#your turn to die#hazbin hotel#the coffin of andy and leyley#soushin#fandom discussion#fandom discourse#proship discourse#should go without saying but don't harass anyone mentioned here thank you. you won't see the light of heaven if you do#take a shot every time i say “soushin” cuz you'd be on the floor afterwards probably#i feel like i repeat a lot of words here in general. jesus.#anywho i just needed to let all that out. the last few weeks have been weird#sorry if this is unreadable and roundabout i didn't know how to get my thoughts straight#this is how i sound when i'm off coffee for a whole month#i've just been seeing a spike in people acting unhinged over fiction and not in the good way and it kinda gets to me#i just hate seeing people i like having to deal with bs cuz the fandom thinks they're exploring fiction “the wrong way”#and just pointing out and exploring certain things gets deemed “too problematic” and gets attacked despite being important to the plot--#and i just want to enjoy fiction or not mind problematic themes without getting qt and called the n-word repeatedly for responding#people can like whatever they want just don't slap others who like other things over the head and label them bad people#idk maybe that's too much to ask. maybe people'll always be like this but i have my blogs so if want something done right do it yourself ig#sorry for any typos this is mostly just uncut pure madness XD#momento rambles
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something's in the air, i feel the heat
“Do you trust me?”
And how could Cole say no to that? Did he trust Kai? He trusted Kai more than he trusted himself. He trusted Kai with his life. If he fell, he knew Kai would be there to catch him.
So, Cole took his shirt off, tossing it on the ground beside him, then moved so his back was to Kai. “Always.”
Nothing happened for a minute. Cole stood there, neck and shoulders aching and twitching. He wondered, briefly, if Kai was just trying to get him shirtless (it wouldn’t be the first time), and really, he was not in the mood for that. Not when his body wanted to hurt him.
But then a pair of warm hands—Kai’s hands, he would recognize those oddly soft callused and scarred palms anywhere—landed on his back.
[or, cole's experiencing a lot of pain thanks tp tourette's and kai gives him a heated massage]
🔥2,295 words | cole-centric, lavashipping🔥
happy tourette's awareness month!!!
#corey writes:)#ninjago#ninjago fanfiction#cole brookstone#cole ninjago#lavashipping#tourette's#tourette's awareness month#hi guys sorry this sucks#i kinda hate it so so so much lol#but it's whatever#writer's block has not been kind lately#so this feels like the best i can do right now and also i haven't written for ninjago in awhile#i tried my best tho#hands hurty#also imma go back and edit this later but brain said not right now just post it#i know i'm being way too hard on myself lol#just haven't really liked anything i've written in the last like six months which is really depressing tbh#aNYWHO#HAPPY TOURETTE'S AWARENESS MONTH TO ME#and other tourettic ninjago fans!!!
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A Pain That I'm Used To Ch 13: Haunted House
When Paul awoke the dawn was grey, highlighted in blues and yellows where the rising sun hit the frost. At some point while he had been asleep the fire had burned out and the embers twinkled in the hearth, playful and inviting. Paul spared a look at Feyd who was lying with his eyes closed. Something about the stress in his shoulders made Paul suspect that he wasn’t actually asleep but he couldn’t be sure so he didn’t disturb him, thinking it best to let him rest. Coaxing the fire back to life was a quick task and soon they were once again toasty warm, the thin layer of ice that had formed on the windows thawed and dripped in miniature waterfalls onto the window-sills making rhythmic pattering sound.
#she is here and she is like 8000 words long#it seems like we accidentally made the genre pivot to full Gothic in this chapter?#in some ways I feel it was inevitable#this one took it out of my fucking soul man i am spent#this fic is something else#feels less like i'm writing it and more like it's being pulled out of my brain like a really long piece of string#it kinda hurts#but it must be done#anywho#go read it if you want <3#luv ya as always#aptiut#dune#dune part two#paul atreides#alia atreides#feyd rautha harkonnen#feydpaul#feyd x paul#me#mine
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I'm writing more Croc x Kerry
#scouty talks#still rotting my brain#this is them#she's just a pest that croc is like I should just kill her and be done with it#but Kerry is like cool I'm down to die with a smile#which we'll unpack for Kerry later#but damn if not having that fear of dying takes the pleasure out if it for croc#so he endures his revolutionary cockroach that just keeps trying in increasingly ridiculous ways to steal his shit and get under his skin#they're gonna match each other's freak in a way that would violate Geneva conventions#anywho I'm a slow writer but I'm also working on an art wip of them so I've got that going for me#ship: cordudile 🤠🐊#oc: Kerry Corduroy
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Okay so my hubby said he remembered a throw away joke Donut once said about the chain of command and how he was behind the rear Admiral....
So there's that for some consideration.
But also my brain just made me go 'Wait.. buying into the sim thing... is Donut an Admiral because Church always was like 'Oh I like that guy.' ?
So there's also that. For consideration.
#Anywho I'm gonna go try and DM my DnD game#Sighs#Do it for Simmons - you got this - he'd want it this way#Rvb#rvb spoilers#red vs blue#red vs blue spoilers#Rvb 19#rvb restoration#rvb restoration spoilers
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I started playing pokemon diamond! i've been meaning to play it for ages so im super excited to jump in and finally play a 2D pokemon game, though i dont know if i trust either of my rivals yet.... I've only ever played pokemon games where you get exp share pretty much at the start so remembering to individually level up my whole teams gonna be a bit of a learning curve but im always up for new challenges
Naming my starters has always been important to me, it took me a while to come up with her's but i ended up picking Mori, after the japanese word for forest and a city in hokkaido, the island that's the partial inspiration for sinnoh :)
#i looked it up and apparently you can get exp share after registering 40 species of pokemon but that's still wild to me#like i don't just get it at the beginning??? how am i supposed to evolve all my Guys?????#i don't know why i'm so weary about my rivals especially lucas but there's something about them that's screaming villain arc to me#i don't want any spoilers nobody spoil anything#also why do they show the gym leaders on your profile even before you fight them??? the surprise of what they look like has always been#rly fun to me. i only glanced at it bc i didn't want to be spoiled but even then i feel like ive Seen Too Much#i caught an abra too it's just not on my team and oh my god that took like a half hour#why do they only know teleportttttt i wasted so many pokeballs#circling back to the rivals i think what's throwing me off abt barry is that he chose the starter with the type advantage#idk if that was normal in the older games but in all the ones i've played your rival picks the weaker one. it's just sus idk#anywho it's 1 in the morning i'm gonna go to sleep but woowee i'll having fun#OH RIGHT I LOVE THE WAY YOU GET YOUR STARTER IN THIS GAME#like 'whoopsies i found you in a random guys briefcase! we're bonded for life now.'#i've already characterized Mori to she 100% is a spoiled little princess who#learned how to do big sopping wet sad puppy eyes to get what she wants#and id fall for it every time she'll still be my itty bitty baby even after she evolves#sassy speaks#pkmn#pkmn diamond
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An aforementioned warning, this is most likely very grammatically incorrect, language has never been my thing, so I said screw it and just went with what looked and sounded nice, cause I was not giving myself grey hairs over a fictional language. I bent rules to make this work, and if you don't like it, too bad.
as it's been long awaited, I have both a tag and official name for spider within my Ronal/Tonowari adoption au
spider's offical name is hì'i'tsyìl te fkew'weopx tonowari'itan,
hi'i'tsyil, hi'i meaning little, tsyil meaning climber, which is a reference to how he got nicknamed spider.
I had to come up with a family name, fkew'weopx, fkew meaning mighty, weopx meaning wave. I'm so creative and original right?
for tagging sake I'm just gonna use spider tonowari'itan to talk about the au, but spider's na'vi name is gonna get referenced more and more as I get used to typing it.
#personally#im both scared and excited to post this#cause like#hardcore internet nerds with nothing better to do then dog on people are out there and I don't want to deal with them#half of those types of people within this fandom are massive grammar nerds and are the ultimate grammar police#but I'm not gonna fear those stupid people#anywho#I can't wait to fight with the mass post editor later#love that for me me#spider tonowari'itan#hi'i'tsyil te fkew'weopx tonowari'itan#just writing that makes my autism go burrr#my hyperfixation baby is coming to life#avatar the way of water#avatar 2#spider socorro#miles spider socorro#miles socorro#avatar spider#spider avatar#aonung#tsireya#ronal#tonowari
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call me, i'm gonna yap your ear off
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#a dollar and 75 cents#my gears got jammed while working on stuff so here are these guuuuys :D#i haven't drawn Dire digitally yet so there he is!!#oh woah i actually finished all this today. did not feel like it hkfshv#thought i started last night but i know i most certainly did not. whee :3#/oh i should also draw Sleepy at some point#wait oh my stars#have i posted. any of my antagonists HJSFH#dude................... Dude....... dude oh my stars.....#how do i manage these things. crazy lkfvsvhj#fate?? nada. space? nope. quinn? nix. sleepy? of course not HHFSH#that's crazy.. wow hfhsgh#//Anywho i'm going to skedoodle on my Way ! !#maybe i'll get to drawing my antagonists at some point kjjhvsf#i managed to get a fate's design that i still like quite a bit so i might do that later :D#tooooodles !!
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okay so I don't think this one-shot will get finished tonight, but I'm hoping maybe tomorrow? if not some point this week. here's a little sneak peak just for funsies 😌 it's a bob x reader dealio. not beta-read at the moment so excuse any errors or if anything doesn't read right. have fun!
For someone who flew under the radar, both intentionally and not, he never expected to be the object of someone's desire the way he was one of yours. It was overwhelming at first, the amount of love you showered him with. But the truth is, they were the little moments, the little things, that opened his eyes to how much you truly cared for him.
“Drive safe sweetie!”
“Your mom called and asked about the holidays, I told her we’d host this year! I even already started getting activities ready for your nieces and nephew”
“I saw this at the store and thought of you!”
Those were the moments that made him realize that he never wanted to let you go and that he knew deep within his soul, that he would spend every waking hour, hoping that he could show you, whether it was with poetic words (which surprised him the first time he wrote you a love letter) or simple actions, that he loved you so much more than you could ever imagine.
#this is a lot harder than I remember it being 🥴#lowkey wish i could just... copy & paste the dms#but they're messy & not as coherent and nice looking as a one-shot lmao#my writing#bob floyd x reader#bob floyd fic#is this central to the plot? in a roundabout way technically yes#anywho enough of that! i'm going to take a little brain break from writing#sierra speaks
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the absolute impracticality of wanting to give in to the very likely one-time impulse vs remembering that i am trying to allow myself to give in to my impulses whenever possible
#i realize how ridiculous it is that i wanna go out and buy the stuff to bind a fanfic into a book#when i also know that its very possible that the impulse will die before i ever get the chance to actually DO it#thus leaving me having spent money on material i dont use#HOWEVER#i promised myself that as long as i was able and it wouldnt hurt anybody#then i would try and give into most impulses that came my way#since i so often refuse them outright and miss out on so much#so#i probably will but im just gonna scream for a while first#i need.... what........ wax thread. curved needle. pva glue ??#good paper#an old book for the cover ? or the stuff to make one of my own#and Time#which is the. thing I'm lacking in the most rn#anywho#i also want to tell the author im making their fic a book#so i also need to ya know pick a fic so i can do that.......#probably should go with a slightly shorter fic to start with huh#shh ac
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It's also getting more diverse! Slowly, but it is! We usually have at least one woman in one of the three major series (right now it's Hailie Deegan in the XFinity (mid-tier) series, who just moved up from the truck series, we had Danica Patrick who went from XFinity to Cup (top-tier) and left years ago, now), in the cup series we have a black driver (and hoo boy that's been a ride), we have an Asian driver (who was kicked out for saying the N word, he had to take sensitivity courses as well as being banned the rest of the season before he could come back), we have had quite a few come up that came from outside racing families (Ross Chastain's family are watermelon farmers in Florida), we have a Mexican guy, Daniel Suárez (as in not an American citizen, at least last I knew).
NASCAR has a diversity fund to help minorities get into nascar. They do a lot. Seriously, look it up.
Also, Michael Jordan co-owns one of the race teams, called 23XI (23 11), with Denny Hamlin (cup driver of the 11).
There are at least two out gay men on the crews (they do a thing every June), there are a couple gay guys in the lowest car tier (ARCA)...
I mean, I doubt there's going to be an openly non-christian anytime soon, don't get me wrong — there's a prayer before every race. But they're also in cars going 150-200mph for 3+ hours so praying for their safety is reasonable.
They also use fuel made from corn, and at least some of the rubber from the tires is used to make sneakers! And when cars crash, what can't be reused is often sold!
They aren't great in a lot of ways, but nascar is trying. Like, actually trying. Putting their money where their mouth is. Regularly.
"Haha they're going in circles" listen.
Their safety is through the roof. Last week a guy broke a verteba from a wreck. NASCAR took the remains of his car and probably his helmet back to R&D and are trying to figure out what went wrong so they can fix it.
I have spent hours explaining to friends the amt of safety that goes into these cars. There's flappy panels that help keep the cars on the ground (which work! We rarely see cars in the air anymore, whereas it used to happen regularly!), they have specialised helmets, Hans devices, seats, outfits, fire extinguishers, fire resistant panels, easily breakable and replacable pieces to prevent concussions, and more. Seriously, they do so much.
Look at this crash. The guy got out of the car (through the window, as that's how nascar is) with mild help, didn't even have a concussion. He was transported to the hospital just to make sure and stayed overnight. He had bruised eyes and raced the next week. (And has continued racing weekly since).
youtube
Every single person in this wreck is completely fine.
youtube
This is one of the, like, three worst kinds of hits in nascar. He immediately got out of his car (as you can see), and was completely fine.
youtube
Also, before you make judgements, watch like six races (to get a feel for them so you're more than just confused), then you can judge.
(Also, we do road courses now, and we even have a street race in Chicago)
enough reclaiming slurs, I think in 2023 we should reclaim nascar. they banned the confederate flag on all properties & their stance on lgbtq+ isn’t just performative bc in 2013 they fined a driver 10k for using a homophobic slur, condemned indiana in a statement for an anti lgbt law, and partnered w carolina’s lgbt+ chamber of conference in 2022. nascar was founded by anti-cop moonshiners/bootleggers who drove suped-up fords to out-run the police. #yaaascar
#undescribed#uncaptioned#long post#...can you tell i'm from a nascar family#that first and third video my whole family went silent#nascar doesn't show replays until everyone is definitely alive#bc we *have* had deaths — they used to be not that uncommon#but nascar's stepped it way the hell up since Earnheardt Sr died#that was... Feb 2001 i think?#anywho#we all went silent bc we were sure we watched a man die#and they were both fine#nascar fans are a bit iffy#i'd sure as fuck never go to a race as a queer trans man even if i could handle that type of sensory input#but... nascar is working on it#Youtube
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#suddenly I'm wondering if i may be a bigger peoblem than originally thought#i know my boyfriend has many faults and so do i#and i cannot handle his any longer#but now I'm wondering if that is merely because i quit my meds some time ago#and it's catching up with me#either way#i still think he needs to go#i need my alone time again#i never ever get any for longer than a couple minutes#on rare occasion maybe an hour#definitely not more than that in the last nine months#i hate this#i feel auffocated#and trapped#and ready to implode#anywho#something more to contemplate#might be time to get back on the meds anyway#might help#personal
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Okay, I had more thinkings abt Hidden Strife. And lemme tell you, the timeline of Diluc’s departure of the Knights, his fight with Kae and him leaving Mond is WILD to me cuz it goes like:
On Diluc birthday, he and Crepus face Ursa the Drake and Crepus dies, due to, by Kaeya's thoughts in the manga & Vision Story, having been mercy killed by Luc himself
Luc resigns from the Knights after they try to defame Crepus and deny him the proper recognition of what transpired. According to the manga, this is where Diluc also abandons his Vision. Which MEANS
When Kaeya admits to Diluc that he was left in Mond as an agent of Khaenri’ah and they fight, Diluc’s flames that night were in fact the Delusion’s fire, not Vision based
Implied by a staff member of Winery’s letters (see number 14) Kaeya chose to stay at Knights HQ barracks/elsewhere of the Winery after this. At this time, he writes a private letter abt how he supposes he deserved Diluc’s wrath and that doesn’t blame him for anything.
Soon after, Kaeya writes his first letter to Diluc, telling him he doesn’t have to answer back, but even knowing Diluc wouldn’t want to receive anything from him, he still wants Luc to know Eroch ( guy who covered up the Ursa incident to ‘protect’ the Knights’ reputation, stole credit for slaying Ursa, and angered Luc enough to quit the Knights ) is being investigated by Varka’s inner circle. Which is INSANE, giving away such confidential information to an outsider of the knights, even if it IS Diluc, ESP via letter. No answer back from Diluc ( though for good reason in addition to his emotional turmoil/potential resentment, considering the former thought ).
Diluc decides to leave Mondstadt to pursue leads on the Fatui and the Delusion ( maybe prompted to get to the root of the problem? ).
Kaeya writes a second letter detailing that both he and Jean found out his plans. While Jean wanted to write to him to stay, Kaeya encouraged her to not do so and actively encouraged Luc to leave. No one else knows Diluc is leaving otherwise, because Kaeya tells Luc to leave at night and the soonest he can to avoid having to make anyone else sad over him leaving with goodbyes he’d have make. No answer back.
Diluc heckin leaves
Another letter from Kaeya following up tells Diluc Varka gave Jean the power to investigate AND punish Eroch for what he’s done, but he thinks the matter won’t be so simple even after he’s caught. But tells Diluc to wait for the good news. No answer back.
Varka at this time is, implied by his letter to Diluc, already away from Mond, so he wasn't present for Crepus' death nor Kaeya and Diluc's fight. But he is aware of what’s happened thanks to Jean’s letter, and gives his condolences. He reiterates what Kaeya said abt giving Jean authority over this case ( so no one else knows Kaeya is one-sidedly corresponding to Diluc at this point? 🤔 ) and adds he wants Diluc to stay with the Knights.
Diluc replies he has no intentions to stay with them ( if nothing goes wrong, so he MIGHT rejoin if it is extremely needed? 🤔 ), but thanks Varka for the letter anyway and wishes him well.
Alice gets involved bc Klee remarked to her that it’s been ages since she saw Luc, Alice tells Luc to travel aaaall over Teyvat and that she’s sorry what what happened to Crepus. She also reaffirms she believes Diluc is still kind and gentle, in spite of appearances.
Luc says he planned to travel more and tells her Klee is welcome at the Winery while he’s gone.
Implied to be Elzer states Kaeya just came back to Winery after taking leave for a few days and is currently staying in his old bedroom. It is remarked they Know Diluc would have never turned away Kaeya if he were there, and that Kaeya's presence livened up the place for them ( they missed him ;-; ).
Kaeya sends Diluc a letter saying he’s noticed a particular group of men whose employees seem to hang around Angels Share and dangerous places outside Mond’s main city. Tells Luc he thinks they’re associated with Diluc and claims the notes they dropped written in code were hard to see with a blinded eye.
Diluc’s first recorded reply to one of Kae’s letters. Acknowledges Kaeya’s observations and chides him for bringing up his eyes in his letters bc he’s not actually blinded in That eye ( implying not only are those men Indeed keeping an eye on things for him in Mondstadt, but also many MORE cases where Kaeya’s sent letters to Diluc regarding his eyes? )
Kaeya replies he didn’t intentionally mean for Luc to think so, though it WAS scarred ( Notably, Kaeya remarked previously that he was completely okay with Luc thinking he was left blinded by his attack in his private box/see 4 ). Kaeya closes this letter by saying Eroch was punished, and he's going to celebrate for himself and Diluc, bc he knows Diluc isn't the sort to do such things.
The Return of the King ( Diluc comes back to Mond sometime after reading Kae's letter )
#;save#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//I'm not gonna detail the rest of the letters after he comes back bc this was abt Luc leaving to his return; but YEAH#//I find so much of Luc's responses to things Kae says/does so funny. Like#//first; Kae telling him that Eroch is being investigated could possibly have prompted Luc to go off and investigate on his own#//Then Luc actually listens to Kae when Kae told him to leave to avoid making ppl have to say goodbye to him#//Bc by Klee's words; he'd been gone for ages & it seems he deffo didn't give any warning to anyone; just left#//Then sb telling Luc that Kae came back & stayed in his old room made erbody happy prompts Luc to send ppl to keep an eye on him#//Could be suspicion (but then why heed Kae's warnings & keep his letters?) or concern bc at this point he still thinks Kae's blind#//Prolly the latter bc he does not refute the idea that he would have been 100% okay with Kae staying if he'd been there himself#//Plus with Kae's observations on the 'businessmen'; it seems these ppl hang around places Luc would like to keep tabs on#//That are coincidentally ALSO places Kae would most likely be found at#//And when Luc finally responds to Kae bringing it and his eyes up; he isn't mad abt him finding out Kae wasn't blind after all#//Just tells him to cut it out; even if it is enough for Kae to give a semblance of apology in response#//Idk; these things are interesting to me#//But tbh I expect nothing less from the guy who went out of his way to deal with a HYDRO abyss mage. Yknow one KAE can handle better#in his first appearance; and made sure to look after Kae on the island adventure when he could have fucked off to do his own thing too#//Anywho; I record these things in hope they will help with my characterization of my special clowns kjnkfdg#//I might have forgotten or flubbed a few things tho RIP#//Plus I focused on convos between Luc and others in particular; not all of them as a whole unless they RLLY affected things#//Sooo#//khgbkdfg#//Honorable mention of Kae's post-return letters showing concern for Luc Darknighting & asking for a collab#//& wryly remarking that Varka wants them to talk bc he thinks they can mend things if they do (THEY CAN. THEY IF THEY WERE HONEST RAAA)#//While also telling Luc he's going to keep the meeting in midst of the Darknight hero investigation completely professional to avoid it#//Then Luc ultimately agreeing to collab with the knights bc Kae asked for it while also telling Kae to take care of himself bc; & I quote#'No need to worry about my safety. Self-preservation is easy. Striving towards my goal is hard'. Like' ALRIGHT MR. COOL#//Fucken clowns; WHY CAN'T YALL COMMUNICATE MORE LIKE THIS IN PERSON
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Start an erudition only account (I) they said. It'll be easier than your doomed Hunt (Dan Heng) Only account, they said.
THEN WHY DID I GET GODDAMN WELT AGAIN?? 😭😭 HE HAS TO HAVE A VENDETTA AGAINST ME OR SOMETHING????
#with the hunt only account. it's more like either nihility or hunt#depending on the content I have to beat#yea my DH is busted and does 4k dmg on a good day (will never get over him two shotting svarog) but I NEED ME A FULL TEEEEAM#< lost 5050 on boothill to bailu. which... FUCK was hoping I would break my losing streak but uhhh guess not#anywho#that account is just past beating cocolia and will be on its way to the xianthou once i get around to it#erudition account is currently stuck fighting bronya. so i'm trying to get to tb level 15 to ascend serval and herta to hopefully beat her#himeko and herta go so well together 😭😭#hoping to get argenti or himeko next banner but my hopes aren't high heh#honkai star rail#cuz... yea#ray's ramblings
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