#i feel auffocated

[transmulier]

.

[hwanhd]

❝ 𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀 ❞ ―☆ 𝗶𝗻 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 / 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 ―☆ 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝗶𝗼, 𝗵𝘆𝗱𝗿𝗮 𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗼𝗽 ―☆ 𝘁𝘄: 𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝗻𝘅𝗶𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀, 𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺 𝗼𝗳 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴.

breath in, breath out. breath in, and out.

the four-seven-eight breathing technique should not be difficult for hwan but with how the recording room feels stuffy and almost auffocating, hwan cannot ground himself with his breath. he grips against the music stand to steady himself but his legs starts feeling wobbly and feels like he could pass out at any time.

the head of the artists and repertoire team seem to notice how unsteady hwan has become and calls in for a break and hwan struggles to mutter a 'thank you' for the time he's given. he grabs his sheet and his bottle of water, heading out to where the rooftop of the company is.

"why can't you do this, lee hwan." hwan scolds himself in his native language, slumping down against a wall as he sits on the ground. fishing out his earphones, he plugs it in and plays a meditative audio so he could try breathing again. but fails as he finds himself wheezing a bit. it's a struggle to say the least; biting his tears back as he digs his nails against his thigh to try and ground himself; to be brought back to reality with a little inflicting pain.

suddenly the memories of him looking at the common citizen commenting on his acting as a child resurfaces. it's been a while since he's had such flashback ever since being a trainee but every now and then when it does appear, it's hard for hwan to keep to himself and to make it worst, he has to go through the recording session for the demo he's been working on since they have longed delayed it and the a&r staff was more than generous to have spare his time for a trainee when he normally does not work with one.

"keep it together, hwan" the trainee mumbles to himself, curling his legs up and hugging it as he rest his forehead against his knee. breath in, breath out. "don't think about how much of a dissapoint you are to everyone." breath in. breath out. "you're better, i know you are" breath in and in. and in. and in.

hwan chokes on his unsteady breath, hands shuffling about to grip on the nearest object and before he realizes, someone enter the rooftop.

note ―☆ 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀, 𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝘄𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲. 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘀 𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝘂𝗽 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿.