#i promised myself that as long as i was able and it wouldnt hurt anybody

[altruistic-meme]

the absolute impracticality of wanting to give in to the very likely one-time impulse vs remembering that i am trying to allow myself to give in to my impulses whenever possible

[youcan-nevercure-mypain]

It all started with a simple fight. We were at home and he was doing his homework on my laptop, i was laying down watching some t.v. He had to go to work soon, i did not. He spent all morning doing his homework. We've had arguments about spending time together, we were both so busy all the time, i always just wanted 5 minutes of his attention before he had to leave for work. He huffed, yet agreed. We were cuddling and then it started. The comments, about me looking for a new job because the one i have now sucks, the conversation of school also comes up, and my grades. We fight, like we have before, he makes some points, as do I and nothing is getting solved. I have a fireball for every thing he complained about, i have stories of things he told me are not okay for me to do, yet it was okay for him to do that same thing. He just had mean things to say. It got to the point where he made me so mad i left. All i said was, "You know what, I'll just go" since he was the one always storming off. Now it was my turn. Not even a few minutes before i left i get a text saying

"Last term, I was making sure you were on track with school, that you're putting effort into work, and that you get attention from me because of these things. It drained me. It made me realize that I had invested so much time into your life that I basically forgot about mine. I had to skip school a couple days last term to make sure that I was able to catch up. I've started missing counseling appts because I'm too busy trying to make sure I'm keeping up in school and making enough money to keep us in an apartment. If there's nothing else to do, and it's just you and me, because of how busy I am, I want time to myself. But I can't get that because you're here. Sam, I'm just too busy to be making promises like that. I'm having such a hard time maintaining my own life that I don't know how to maintain a relationship. I've failed, and I'm sorry."

I tried calling him but not even 2 minutes later i see him driving down the road with his work shirt on. I try calling again. And again. And again. I called 18 times before I decided to give up. I call Ryan, i tell him everything thats happened and he says he'll meet me anywhere i want and talk with me, so i go. I meet up with Ryan, we buy food, we eat, and we walked to a feild he knows of. We sat for a while and talked, about almost everything. He calms me down and i rile him up, thats just how it goes I guess. We end up back at Ryans house where i hang out with both him and his sister for a good few hours. The plan was for me to stay at Ryan's, but i was so homesick. I wanted my bed, i wanted smokey. And i really just wanted Tyson to tell me he loves me. Ryan said he would go back home with me. I was scared, not because I was afraid he'd hurt me, but because i had no idea what this fight might have lead too. We go back to my house and Ryan says that he'll wait outside just incase Tyson is home. I go in and i find Tyson on the floor smoking a bowl and a shot glass besides two empty bottles. He drank all the Hennessy and Vokda. I dont even know how he was still awake at this point. He sees me and tells me i should go to bed without him, i ask why and he says that i just should. I told him i wasnt tired and that im not looking for a fight, he looks away and says "good, neither am i, so what do you want to do now?" I sit, im aware of his state i ask him if we could just forget that we had the fight and have everything go back to normal for tonight and we can deal with everything in the morning. He said no, thats not how this works. So i say "well then, i guess i should send Ryan home then." He is stunned by this and asks what i mean, i tell him Ryan is waiting outside and that i can just send him home. He sighs and tells me to go get Ryan, so i do. We all are in the living room now when Tyson says "tonight will be normal, it will be just like any other day here. You got that? Just for tonight though." I nod my head and he asks me like a child if i would like it if he puts on a t.v. show that i like, i say yes. Tyson and Ryan are in the living room playing magic when i decide to go to bed. I text Ryan and tell him to send Tyson to bed soon, he shouldn't be up so late when he has to work the next day. A while goes by and Tyson is in the bedroom doing his night routine. He hops into bed and places his hand on my back and pulls me closer to him. He whispers "you wanted tonight to be normal, so lets make it normal" He kisses me and i kiss him back things are getting heated and i stop him. I ask if he is going to sleep with me in the bed tonight, he says "for tonight" i asked if he will tomorrow, again he says "for tonight." I ask him what about tomorrow and he sighs. He lays down and tells me that he cant do "us" right now. Im silent, and i quietly ask him "are you seriously breaking up with me right now?" He looks at me confused, and says "I thought you knew. That text i sent earlier? That was me telling you that it's over."

I'm silent. But i finally speak. "Wait... so you thought we were broken up? I thought we just got into a fight!....... this whole time you knew it was over between us and you just tried to have sex with me?! And even worse you did it over text?!" Im hyperventilating now and he stops being mad enough to help me. I'm met with "shhhhh, sammy its gonna be okay, just breathe, you remember the 4 square breathing? Let's do that!." He tried to calm me down, its not working. Im crying and groaning. "I thought you love me, why, why is this happening." Im silent, i wait for his reply. "I love you Sam, im just not IN love with you." My heart stops. Everything is painful. He tries to touch me. I shove him away and im screaming now. Ryan was passed out in the living room, but hes not anymore. I leave the room and im crying. Tyson tries to leave, hes gathering his things and i stop him. I shove him backwards and hes stunned, I tell him he just broke my heart, and I deserved an explanation. He looks me up and down, our eyes lock and im radiating heat. He sighs and agrees, thus beginning the longest 48 hours of my life.

We had a long conversation that night and ask questions and he'd answer. Most of which I can't remember even if I tried, I was tired my chest was hurting, my whole life fell apart. He talked for what seemed like ages and finally we came to the conclusion we were going to try to be on a break. To just step back for a while and focus on ourselves and hopefully come back to each other and figure everything out. He said he'd be willing to try. It was getting late and we were both really tired we agreed to just talk about it more in the morning come up with some ground rules for our situation. I hardly slept that night.

Morning came, and we fell back into the same routine that we do every morning. I'm working on his homework while I was enjoying my day off. The time came around where we have to discuss what was going to happen next. It was a long and painful conversation at the end of it we agreed that we will take this time to focus on school and work, we wouldn't try anything on the relationship not with anybody else at least. He didn't want me to date other guys and I don't want him to see other girls. But something happened that changed everything. I came to the realization that he wanted the separation and he wasn't going to change his mind. I cried and I couldn't stop crying. He was looking at me and I could see it all over his face, he looked sorry, like she had just shot a baby bunny or a small child. He didn't know what to do with me besides pull me into a hug. He said he knows that things are going to be different now, but he knows that I'm a strong girl and that I can get through this, that we both could and things would eventually turn out okay. I wanted to believe him. But something happened and i just shut down. My body stopped feeling and all at once my whole body went numb. I stopped crying and instead i got up and walked to the bathroom. I shut the door, and i locked it. I was in there for a long time until Tyson realized i wasn't coming back out. He tried everything to open the door, and i wouldn't budge. He started to shout for me to just please come out. I didnt want to. I didn't want to feel anything. He finally got in and he immediately looked around. He thought my weapon of choice would have been the stupid amount of pills we have. I pulled down my sleeve and he immediately grabs it, examining all over. He sees what I've done and his voice cracks. "Sam... you don't have to do this, i won't let you do this." He tries to get me to speak. I don't. He tells me he loves me and that he's right here, hes here and hes not going to leave me alone. I laughed.

"You're not here, you left me." Hes quiet now. He has nothing to say. He knows what he did and he starts to cry. I tell him to leave me alone and he yells "no" his hands are on my wrists and hes not letting me go anywhere. I tried to move but nothing happens, he has a good grip and i am so physically drained that im not making much movement. I was getting frustrated more and more by the minute. I freaked out. I was yelling, and moving around, i wanted to be left alone, i wanted to feel something other than the pain i was feeling before. He managed to drag me to the living room where he thought i would feel more safe, i was sobbing at this point and just trying to leave. He was frantic now. He called his mom and she comes. Shes trying to tell me that she wants to take me somewhere, somewhere to talk to someone who can help me. I am calm now, i dont feel anything and i am not fully aware of what is going on. I ended up at a mental health clinic in a room with some women who was trying to tell me how i should feel. Tyson is in the lobby waiting with his mom while i talk to this women. I didn't like her when she first started talking. She was making me feel stupid. And in the end i just wanted to talk to Tyson but she wouldnt let me. She told me i was erratically out of control and mentally unstable to be at home by myself. She asks me if anyone can stay with me for a day or two while i am at home. I tell her maybe Ryan. She tells me that she spoke to Tysons mom and said that he was going to stay with her over the weekend because they don't feel like i should be around Tyson anytime soon. I was starting to fell things again. Anger.

She makes me call Ryan right in front of her, she tells me she wont let me go home until she knows i have someone to "babysit" me to make sure i am not a danger to myself. I hated her. I called and Ryan said he'd come, he brought his sister with him, and Julie comes too. I have 3 people with me the whole weekend. I love them all. I go all night without crying, and i text Tyson the next day. "Hey, i know you probably dont want to talk and i was gonna give you the whole weekend, but then i realized that tomorrow is Easter, and i dont know if you'd want to talk with me after work today (if you work today) and i can promise you that i am in the right head space for this, and if you'd like we could talk in public if that makes it better. And im not looking for a serious conversation about anything, just to figure out together whats gonna happen in the next few days for ourselves. If you dont thats okay just let me know if you're not ready and I'll leave it at that." He responds almost instantly, "can you meet me at BlackRock in an hour?" I tell him yes and then im stuck. I feel fine, i feel okay, i feel excited. And it doesn't hurt knowing that its over. I take a shower and get ready. I look my best and he looks like crap, we sit and we talk.

.

.

To be continued

[incoherentlynonexistent-blog]

Unfortunate Outcome

Amazing how one person can change everything.....incredible as that same person becomes somebody they swore and promised to never become.....funny how you believed them, and the unfortunate outcome is the consequences you suffer because you trusted their word over everyone and everything....

It's so degrading...to now be where you're at only because you believed in something that wasnt ever real...

Hurtful to actually feel the loneliness kick in.....

Depressing to remember how little of an importance you were to them....

Unwilling to heal and move on because how do you pick yourself up after consistently being there for someone then for it to become abandoned and forgotten.....

It's the Unfortunet outcome to their mishaps that led me to becoming helpless and needy.

Sad thing is, I don't even know what it is that i want

Idk what I need....

I know I dont need this constant bullshit

Unfortunetly because I had so much hope and expectations

Its stupid to look back and realize how naive and oblivious I used to be

Now I guess they can say I made my own mess when they're the ones who lied and ridiculed me because I was drug along for so long

The most unfortunate thing about this is the outcome. Despite how much "better" they find this to be, I won't ever be able to be better....yea I have my good days, but even those arent good.....

Doesnt matter where they go

Doesnt matter the time they let slip by

Hell it doesn't matter what they do .

In still feeling the same things

I doubt ill ever have anything to help me endure this

I live everyday waiting still

I go about each day hoping anyone would love to be here again

I literally feel myself slipping

I'm already dead because of them

Added with how I'm still feeling

I'm not sure of this feeling will subside

It's all mind consuming

I can't just stop about this

It's the one thing that no-one understands

The reason why I'm like this

The answer is simple

Given the empty promises and then being just thrown way like yesterdays garbage

I'm miserable with this unfortunate outcome.....

I didnt get closure

Instead I get the only thing that's never changed

Them leaving my life.....

Something promised against but in the end

They all prove to be the same person that leff you to begin with ......

It's hard living and feeling like this

I have no faith

I don't have confidence

I'm trying to find a purpose

But I can't get far or enough to cease the memories....

They're just haunting to me now...

Only because of how and what I've done

You really think I can just magically become better

No.

It's not possible unless you actually are willing to be here

Or unless you actually gave me the closure I've been desiring

Until I'm given that

I will not get better.

I will not heal

This unfortunate outcome will be my life sentence

This isn't what I what wanted

None of this is

I don't want the depression

I dont care for the desire.

I just want to feel happy again.

I want a reason to actually smile and feel good about myself......

I just wished someone would hear me out

After asking for three years now...

I cant just move on

God Damn it man

If they only knew just how bad I really am

I wonder if things would be different....

I wonder if anyone wouldve left....

I just want someone to be here for me

Irs not ever been about my sex life or being in a relationship

My goal was to only be around the people who want to be here

Maybe ive beckne to fucked up to obtain that chance again

Unfortunate outcome is me being treated in such manner when the pupils who inflicted all that hurt and damage are the ones at fault for me becoming this way. They shut me out because I'm still fucked up over it. I was the original victim that became traumatized and untrusting, but I wouldnt be this irritable bitter suicidally depressed person that's unwilling to move on if it weren't for their actions.

I don't trust anybody any more

I don't even crack a smile

You know who you are

The person im addressing anyway ..

I hope you're happy

I hope you feel accomplished at what you created

With the unfortunate outcome that you refuse to have anything to do with what you started and fucked up numerous times......it leaves me like this.....

Idk how else to stress this fact

Because I cant get that little bit of respect....

When I shouldn't have been involved anyway

I should've walked away

I should've listened to the voice in my head

"Don't worry on going to the laundry mat

If I'd knew then what I knew now

I would've never showed up

I would have never existed

But its thanks to you ive gotten like this

Thanks to you I sit all day every day for the past few years pondering about whats wrong with me

Why am I not wanted. Why does everyone leave....see that's the difference between us, you're the one who does all the leaving. I linger because I believe in equal opportunity especially when so much effort was put into it in the first place. I believe in those who remain loyal and true on their word, but you seem to still believe in empty promises. You're using you're ears to see and you're eyes to hear. You're the most cruel and cold hearted creature. Not human.....because with human emotion, I couldnt do what you do, I cant lead them on, shut them out, I cant make someone feel like their the one for me, but then shut them down and out when the one I want is around. I will never understand you're selfish decisions and with how you know youve done wrong but you still don't bother to change.

Maybe I've become an unforgivable asshole, but that's the unfortunate outcome when someone so heartless just takes you for granted then you're the bad guy for not only reacting actually a little more civil than you should've, but because god knows whatever words come from my posts or even texts, god forbid they remind you consistently of what you've done. Everything I am and everything I do now is because of you..

Days I'm angry, I blame you

Days I'm depressed, It's your fault

Days I cut, blamed you because just the little bit of open honesty wouldve prevented me cutting myself, but only to relieve that pain that I cant get out through crying.

Its the pain that makes your chest ache and have the urge to just scream in agony. Its that lodged in lump that swells in your chest when everything that was promised, shared, and enjoyed together now sets this darkened, and dead look to it. I find myself shying away from every and any little thing that you had any relations to. My music has changed. My faith in life itself is nonexistent. Ive become so angry and bitter, that I am constantly snappy.

It doesnt matter how angry I were to get with anyone else, because every one probably tells you I'm fine.....

I'm not fine

Im not ok

I'm suffocating myself

Its hard to not still be bitter....

How can I not still be angry when you left once again.....ive been irrational and disrespectful, but I never thought that this unfortunate outcome would involve me getting worse....I figured at some point within these four years .....I figured you wouldve not done this so much that I'm probably permanently fucked up....I mean fucking look at me...have you ever seen anyone so pathetic and humiliating?....

Loving someone is so beautiful but sad, because when you fall for someone, there's some part of you that breaks too, its gone for ever because its with that person you wanted to give your whole heart to, but they'll only always have what's actually left of you. For some reason being in that persons presence or just respected enough to be even thought about by them, makes life worth living even if I were to spend it alone. Its not because you lack feelings or really the past that I held over your head....I just wanted for someone to finally treat me differently.....

You wound up treating me the same

This is my unfortunate outcome

Its been a battle especially the last two years

I've never in my life have I ever felt so much pain

Ive never loved anyone as much as I love you

The unfortunate outcome for you is me being gone when you want to come back

I already know how it's to be

Its why I never understood you

But I still kept trying to

Maybe that was my mistake

Because my unfortunate outcome is the distance between us and how little I've meant within the last couple years....idk myself what you could ever do to make things better.....

Unfortunate outcome is what's done is done....

Its ruined

We're ruined

Were gone....

The end....

Hope you're doing well.....

Sorry for being impulsive and annoying

I'm sorry for being a fucked up mess.

Wishing you a lifetime of happiness....

Wishing you luck on your endeavors

Ill miss you

I have been already

Life just won't ever be the same. I just know if it was went about differently I would be able to handle the sudden blocked phone and Tumblr better than what I am now. I'm wasting mt time is the sad thing because I'm sire you're thought is why if I'm to be the way I was before, well, it would be nice to have at least that wanting to talk to me or even asking things sbout my life. I literally have been wanting to fit in, and I'm sorry I tried to get in your way. I'm sorry for being this way period.....in sorry I can't bring myself to be better.....I literally feel like I have no other place to go or anything to do.....I should be doing soemthing with my life, bur in not.....only bevause I spend every day trying to avert seeing or even tbe chance to see you kr anything related to you That will rip my chest right then and there.

It's those things I want to feel better about.....I want to be able to see you without getting so severely depressed. That's the last unfortunate outcome, because of that, how I feel.....I think it's best if we just never saw each other ever again......Obviosuly you're already on that route but if that's really what you want, then you really will not ses me ever again. I mean you can scream yell my name. I will not look at any part of you.....I'm prudent because maybe youre right, just sticking with avoiding them, and I guess you do lose some feeling. I hate being like this. Idk what else to do. I dont need your help. I need your understanding. I dont need to be questioned, at least at what I'm doing, because idk anymore.....I get flustered easily because my mind stays so caught up on you that I fuck up everything I touch or work on.....then it goes back to the angry blaming you thing.....never ending......so how can I get better? What do I do? You just left. You didn't leave a note, you didnt say goodbye, and of all things I've ever done for you, you never helped my unfortunate outcomes...you rejected me time and time again.

I just idk how to be ok.....

I just feel like I'm losing touch with my existence

As in because you live in my mind so much I try to avoid that too....I've become a blank spaced emotionless robot....I'm depressed but I look solemn. I then break soon as I snap.....I'm getting worse.....idk its so hard to put into words. I just feel myself losing control over everything including my decisions.....

Whether you believe me or not.....I don't care to convince you anymore. Honestly I'm not even doing that now. I just needed to get what I could out....atleast While its flowing....well it was....I think I explained the best I could and linked the way I think...

Respond or don't respond

Respectfully, I'm refraining from tagging your blog name in the post. If you see it and or read it then its actually ok if you don't ever speak to me again.....I mean you're the one in charge and I know if you don't soeak first, then there's just nothing left to do but just hope you enjoy life.

Take care of yourself Kourt.....thanks for everything.....

[rjhg53ji-blog]

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7/21/17

Why do I always have such big gaps between posts lol I need to start posting more. I re read everything I posted and just really have to get this out there, ive loved a lot of people. But all of them have been different types of love, I don’t think ive ever actually been in love. I love my current boyfriend kevin but we’ve only been together 4 months and I know im going to be with him for the rest of my life so that love has room to grow in a healthy way. What scares me most about myself is my imagination. i have 2 different types of “love” ive felt. Group 1 consists of: Justus Carr, Noah Coombs, and Austin Mahone. Group 2 consists of: Michael, Dylon, and Kevin. I have loved 6 people, all in very different ways. Group 1 was me being in love with the idea of what could be/have been and group 2 was me loving the reality. Ive always had a vivid imagination and thats often whats set me back in relationships. My unrealistic expectations and fantisies overshadowed how i was being treated. I was so blinded by the possibilities of what we could be that i was incapable of focusing on what was right in front of me. The thing about being in love with an idea that nobody ever wants to admit is that its one of the most powerful loves you can feel, but its the loneliest because the person/relationship you want to be in love with doesnt even exist. Their empty promises and leading you on only makes you more interested. The chase makes you feel alive and you feel like if you cut it off you’ll miss out on this great big prize. But the truth is there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and that rainbow you’ve been chasing can’t even be touched, its nothing but a beautiful illusion. Justus was my first love, though it was all in my head it was the first time a boy had been able to make my heart drop just by him looking at me. I was only in 7th grade. He never knew how i felt about him because he was my friends older brother but I looked up to him so much and i tried so hard to be a better person simply because he inspired me to be so. Noah Coombs, hah. theres a tricky one. It pains me to say I still feel love for him but i almost want to make a separate category for this type of love. I know he never loved me back and never even understood why I felt the way I did but thats just how it is. I would never want to be with him in a million years because our past has been so toxic and hes a terrible person but ive always gotten the strangest feeling from the universe from him. I think one of the reasons ive always been so obsessed with him was because there were like a million coincidences that kept happening everytime i said i was done with him, as if God kept telling me nope he will never ever leave your life. He even moved to LA after I did hahahha but anyways, I was infactuated with the idea of what we could be and didnt even think i loved him until we “broke up” or whatever. His absesnce drove me insane and his games intrigued me with a passion. Like deadass I would choose kevin over noah anyday but I know I will never feel a love that intense and heartbreaking in my whole life but thats okay because only toxic loves can drive someone to a crazy love like that and its kind of cool knowing no one will ever be able to cause me as much pain as he did to my little 16 year old heart. Austin Mahone, haha another tricky one. We never met but I considered him my best friend for a while. But the fact we never met I think is what made me love him to an unhealthy degree. I was crazy over thinking of what we could be and how perfect he was. I was blinded by it but the truth is hes not perfect at all and i see it now with all the clarity in the world. He was my friend but when we were together he brought me down to make himself look better and i never felt good enough for him. He was litterally just another Dylan who went to church lmfao. I wish him the best and I know we will cross paths in the future but I am so thankful i didnt meet him or have sex with him. Im just glad that relationship ended because it was toxic as well. He just lead me on the whole time and was more in love with the chase than he was with me. Now lets talk about group 2, the type of love where at the time you feel like its gonna last forever. Michael was my best friend for a year and then we started dating but I got a feeling it was wrong so I just dropped it all of a sudden. Dylon, he was the type of love that was perfect for me at the time but also terrible for me at the time. terrible bc i was about to move across the country but perfect because i hadn’t had that type of relationship in a long time. he cared about me a lot but we were very different and there were so many things about him and our relationship that screamed to me he wasnt the right person for me, plus his anger issues were out of control. Now Kevin.... kevin is the type of love i wish i had with dylon. Like, I definetly loved dylon at the time but there were things missing with dylon that ive found with kevin. Kevin has the perfect sense of humor, hes trusting and caring, and so fucking attractive. The only doubts I have for our relationship is my fear of the future, what is he going to do for a career? I want him to pursue his passion as a comedian bc I have full faith in him, hes the funniest guy ive ever met.. but I dont know what his deal is. He has all these friends in the entertainment bussiness but isn’t making any moves. I want him to be successful but I don’t know how to talk to him about this without hurting his feelings. He isn’t where he should be in life, hes unemployed living in a frat house. I mean a lot of it is because of his mistakes in the past, hes had plenty of great opportunities come his way but he screwed all of them up with his drug addictions but hes so much better now and im just praying more opportunities will come his way. I love him and I want to support him but our relationship wont last if he doesn’t get his shit together, hes 25 and doesn’t even have his liscense bc he got it taken away bc of drunk driving a few years ago, and he can go and get it now from the dmv but he doesn’t even have the money rn to get a lisence. and i know his parents are rich and hes gonna get money from his family eventually but i don’t want that to be the only thing hes betting on? I want him to live up to his full potential and hes not doing drugs anymore but his past mistakes have set him back so much these struggles are taking a toll on him. and i know right now is the time he needs me most so obviously i wouldnt end things but where is the line where I need to cut things off? I want to start a life with this man, I want to move into a little studio appartment in LA just us two and me do my music shit and him do his comedy shit and it would be perfect. But I know im not doing perfect either, I’m broke as fuck too but im focusing on my music right now and once that kicks off theres no limits to how high im able to go. i’m also only 18... 18 and broke is not nearly as bad as 25 and broke. But the thing is I don’t want to talk to him about it because he KNOWS these problems hes depressed as fuck about all of this and he regrets all of his past mistakes but i dont know what hes doing to fix them like when he thinks of how to make money quick he just turns to illegal shit like selling drugs. I know he has great potential but when is enough enough? He treats me so well and I really do love him, I honestly havent vibed this hard with a guy since noah. literally. I know i said that before about dylon but i really do realize i just met him when i was in a very fragile state and clung onto him, but hes literal trash lol. Kevin is so different from anyone ive ever been with, hes honestly 10x better of a person for me than noah ever was and I do believe hes my soulmate which is why I need to stick with him through this hard time, he just needs prayer. I used to think Noah was my soulmate but I know thats not true now, what I do know is that the universe did make sure noah was a big influence in my life for some reason. I don’t know what that reason is right now but I know i’ll find out within the next few years lol. The song im recording rn i dedicated to my mom but i initially wrote the first few verses bc of kevin because i want him to make a change in his life. The song definelty applies to my mom more but it does apply to kevin as well. Its about how a person will never change for you and they have to want to change for themselves first before they will ever consider changing for anybody else. Kevin will never change his life for me, he has to want it for himself and I will continue to try and motivate him but I’m giving it till December, if Kevin isn’t financially stable enough to have his own place and doesn’t have a career I’m going to give him a break until he finds himself. his birthday is in January and being 26 and unemployed is so unnacceptable. Because love really isn’t always going to be enough to save a relationship.