#//can wrap this one here?
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There are worms in my head
#gideon coal#kremy lecroux#once upon a witchlight#coalecroux#ouaw#my art#pls I need to do schoolwork I begging and pleading I need to think about things other than ouaw#I have papers to write!!!#one thing about me is I cannot enjoy something a normal amount#anyways#they do a dancey dance because it’s sosososososo important to me#also kremys shadow is here idk how obvious it is#it’s all wrapped around Gideon#I think the idea of it having a bit of its own will is fun#I like making art as invisible pngs because I do not want to do backgrounds AND you can put them wherever you want#superimpose them onto any image#it’s funny to me
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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These aren't full ref sheets but I was trying to take some clear pictures of Hephaistos for later art reasons and then got side tracked doing all of the Pandaemonium bosses so here they are in order. Also for anyone following who doesn't play FFXIV and knows it as the catgirl game, enjoy this instead? VISUAL SPOILERS obviously.
Asphodelos
Warder of the Condemned: Erichthonios
Mythic Creation: The Hippokampos
Mythic Creation: The Phoinix
(+ familiars)
Hemitheos: Hesperos
(+ sexy fanfic redesign by Nemjiji)
To be brutally honest I never really liked either of these designs compared to every other Hemitheos we get, I think the really brutal black and red of the Phoinix is weakened by gold accents, but I still am always down for gay vampire surf rock. The Savage version kind of looks like Ultimalius as well if you've played XVI.
Abyssos
Mythic Creation: Proto-Carbuncle
Hrgrhhgrhrgrh
Hemitheos: Hegemone
^ My favourite detail on this is you can see the parasite's outlines in her robes and in her legs, then right through the eye holes on the mask to wrap around the torso. I'm convinced this version of Hegemone is functionally an ant being piloted by a cordyceps infection.
Hemitheos: Agdistis
She's very big
Perfect Imperfection: Hephaistos
I'm probably biased by Abyssos being the first raid I was there for day of release but these really are all fantastic. It's also when the story abandons all pretense of not being (at least partly) about family abuse and is loudly using the body horror and shackle motifs to talk about that. It's great. Hephaistos specifically is constantly bulging and twisting in and out of different forms like a highly unstable chimera and the more I look at these the more I notice parts that just should not be there. He's giving everything.
As for the Savage design It's a hard thing to rate as such but my favourite part is the veins that grow down from the eyeholes in his mask like bloody tears.
Thanks Abyssos I love you
Anabaseios
Mythic Creation: Kokytos
Dæmoniac Dungeon: Pandæmonium
It's really hard to communicate how huge this nasty tumor crab I zoomed out as far as physically possible in the game engine and subsequently ended up at a goofy angle staring up his nose.
Ephemeral Justice: Themis
Best boy. The double ended lance and second pair of arms are fantastic for this character.
Theos: Athena
In.. almost every final fantasy adventure you're fighting the real villain not at the very end but a little beforehand, the big iconic end boss is often more a metaphorical figure representing everything wrong with that first person's ideals. Athena cut out the middle man and became her own JENOVA.
I do like the moth angel, especially the hollow body full of dubious orbs, but with her eyes closed all the time it gives off the impression of this not even being the true body but some kind of anglerfish lure in the shape of a fairy... which might be true because this exists:
I really really love her twitchy anemone feelers and how the moth body ends up grafted to the rest of it waist down.
Anyway there's the gang I did not specifically intend for this to be design reviews I just wanted to have clear photos because when you actually see them in game there's other things to focus on. In hindsight I can appreciate more the theming of each tier and then the series as a whole, but my only (extremely obvious) observation for now is that every character Athena had a personal hold over is decorated in chains somehow and so I should have seen the Hegemone thing coming lmao. Heph and Aggy are still my favourites I don't think that's changing any time soon. I'm also noticing that Anabaseios is now just old enough for random DF parties to fuck up severely and I find that fun so I'm going to go fight the crab mansion now.
#ffxiv#endwalker spoilers#pandaemonium#ff14#let him speak#dante plays catboy simulator#Erich's transformation is unlike everyone else here he can just do that normally#none of the body horror is present that's just what he looks like when he's not a little guy in a robe#but I do find it really fascinating that you get with these Ancient characters a second symbolic body#and his is completely wrapped up in chains there's a hole in his heart#and the little plinth on his head where his dad's mask sits#Heph's designs are all very unnatural though and I think the reason I love it so much is just how much all of it screams pain and misery#Not an outwardly depressive character but just look at this dude#fun in comparison to athena who has made herself into a glowing white angel with three different halos and one has a crown#it's such an egotistical design lmao
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Elliot nodded, he was thankful he had someone who was able to do this, someone who was willing to do so without asking too much.
Who was letting him retreat completely.
"Thanks Jess."
@notbad-justsungthatway
There's Always Tomorrow {Elli & Jess}
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//JRWI RIPTIDE SPOILERS
talk to us
#jrwi riptide#jrwi#jrwi fanart#gillion tidestrider#jrwi chip#jay ferin#jrwi riptide spoilers#haven’t decided for realsies if i like this one but it’s ok#i’ll definitely find something wrong with it after i post#they mean so much to me#like…they love each other 😭 so much😭 i want them to be happy😭#albatrio#ok here’s some little things#jays leg is straight cuz i can’t imagine she can bend it all that much#chip has some gray streaks cuz i think he lost some melanin when he came back to life (rip)#that’s also why his freckles are gone#also also he doesn’t have a little highlight in his eye. his zest for life 😞 gone#gill i think likes to wrap his tail around people he trusts and he wants to give some comfort to chip#and they’re both leaning on him/touching him to warm him up#im so excited for the next ep it’s crazy#also 110? crazy episode the tree was so funny#lavrose art
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saw a tweet about mer!ghost being rescued from roba by price and placed in his rehab facility that soap lives in after a boat propeller injured his tail and now i’m obsessed with the idea that ghost thinks he's traded one hell for another and when he sees the beached shark mer with a human device strapped to his tail, it's all but confirmed for him
the pens they’re in are poorly designed; they’re huge, deep with glass walls but completely open to each other and it takes nothing to pull himself over the edge into the the other mer's cage. he swims over to the platform he’s trapped on and hushes what he thinks is panicked warnings and fearful pleading. he covers his mouth and begs him to stay quiet; ghost is bigger and as an injured mer, he has every right to fear he'd take his territory if not eat him outright but he can’t escape and leave this mer behind to endure his fate
he promises he won't hurt him, promises he'll find a way to free them both from this human prison
the mer quiets, eyes narrowing in such human confusion that it makes him ache; this mer has been here too long, to have adopted their mannerisms and abandoned any hope of freedom
ghost quickly checks their surroundings, ensuring none of their jailers heard the mer's noises. no one disturbs them and he pulls the mer off the platform into the water, diving under his tail to get a better look at the trap. the mer tries to pull away, tries to get him to stop; it must hurt something awful if even freedom isn't enough of a temptation to try removing it
ghost winds his own tail around him, immobilising the mer and uses his teeth to tear through the trap and his heart breaks to see how his poor tail has been mangled; more than half of it gone, deep scarring left in its wake
he releases the mer and jets back to the surface; he’s wasted too much time, they need to hurry before the humans return. but when he looks to coax the mer through an escape, he sees him sinking to the floor like a stone, writhing and moving his arms in an attempt to swim but nothing stops his fall
ghost ducks back down and takes the mer in his arms-
only to rear back when he claws him away, baring his fangs in a threat display even as he sinks back to the floor, unmoving
ghost circles him, confused why he won't let him help when he sees him start to suffocate. he's a shark mer; if he doesn't swim, he can't breathe
and with only half a tail, he can't swim at all
ghost tries again but the mer won’t let him close so he waits for his eyes to begin to flutter and charges in, grabbing the mer out of reach of his claws and fangs and drags him through the water; forcing precious oxygen into his gills
he swims in circles until the mer comes to, sluggishly clawing at his arms but he refuses to let go. he won't leave this mer behind, even if he has to carry him through the ocean for the rest of their lives
but they took too long
a human enters and sees ghost holding the injured mer and hits something that makes the walls screech, red flashing from the ceiling, and even more human come charging in. ghost clutches the injured mer to his chest and hisses, saliva flying from his bared fangs
he won't let them hurt him any more
he spins, trying to keep them all in his sight- when the shark mer's fin slaps him in the face. his arms slacken around him and he throws himself at one of the walls of the cage, gripping it to hold himself up
ghost stares at him, betrayed and enraged; they've broken this poor mer until he doesn't even know who his true allies are anymore
his tail thumps against the wall, instinctively trying to swim and support his weight and one of the humans drops to one knee. he throws an arm out, barking something and another human takes off running
he turns back to the injured mer, grabbing hold of his arm and ghost hisses again, rushing them both when the mer snarls at him to stop and he freezes. he watches the mer hold his arms up and the human clasps his forearms and stands, walking him along the border of his cage back to the platform he'd been beached on
but he chirps as the human tugs him up on it, curling up with the end of his tail just barely dipping in the water
like he's happy
the wailing and flashing lights abruptly stop and ghost fights the urge to shake the echoing ring from his ears. the other human returns and he doesn't fight the hiss when he sees another trap in his arms; the same one the mer had around his tail
ghost's hiss cuts off when he gets a face full of water and he splutters, looking back incredulously at the shark mer who'd just splashed him
he laughs at whatever look is on his face and rolls his eyes in another painfully human gesture. he reaches for the trap, fingers flexing like he's trying to pull it right out of the air and the human shakes his head as he hands it over
the mer lifts his tail onto the platform and ghost can't believe his eyes when he fits the trap onto himself; tightening every strap until the muscles of his tail bulge under the pressure. the mer slumps like he's relieved and shoots him a look; daring and almost playful and winks as he throws himself into the water
ghost lunges for him, waiting for him to sink again-
but he's not sinking
he's swimming
he twirls and spins around him like an overgrown dolphin, flaunting his strength and agility and the humans around them laugh and shake their heads at the display like they’re used to it and ghost realises it isn't a trap on his tail
it is his tail
the humans gave him a new tail
the mer flicks to a stop in front of him, now easily supporting his weight and gives him a full-fanged grin
"you're a little tangled up inside, huh, big boy?"
#ghost being certain all humans are the same bc hes never been shown otherwise and soap whos only alive bc price took him in when he was hurt#soap trying so hard to convince him that he’s safe but words are nothing in the face of his memories and hes getting desperate#so the next time price comes to feed them soap bites him#it’s the first time he’s bitten him since his amputation so he’s beyond confused#and ghost is terrified#he thinks thisll be it. thisll be the moment that the facade shatters#he has to watch the one person he has left; the one person he cares about; be tortured and killed#he curls up with soap waiting for them to take him away and determined to force them to take him in his plac#but soap is so calm he has no fear at all and that scares him even more; that soap’s just accepted his fate#price comes back and ghost’s ready to fight to bite and claw- but price just tips their regular bucket of fish into their pen#his arm’s wrapped in thick bandages and still all he does is nod at them and leave again#‘see? no matter what we do we’ll always be safe here’ soap promises and what can ghost do but believe him?#when soap risked everything for him what else can he do but fall in love?#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#ghoap#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#soap cod#john soap mactavish#mer au#cod mw2#cod modern warfare
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2024 —my year in writing
last year, i wrote more than i ever have like literally in my whole life. this year i beat my record by about 200k words. i am writing A LOT and it’s all because of you.
yes, you, reading this now. anyone who kudos’d or commented or liked or reblogged anything i wrote, and followed me here and on ao3, and ranted in my dms and added me to servers. you, reading the weird things i write, the things i can only write and only i can write, seeing it and liking it and coming back again and again for more. thank you :)
so here’s my 2024 summary:
words written: 358,963
fics published: 74
my favorite fics:
real world (stardew valley) - a story about parenthood and roads not taken. genuinely the most important story to me, a diary entry as much as fanfic
pilgrimage (bg3) - a story about two people without a past as they work toward an even more uncertain future. i also have no past because of a strange upbringing so this story is kinda personal to me even though it’s about a cleric and a vampire
novel (hades) - a story about looking for adventure and finding love and family instead. i had so much fun writing this and posted weekly without pre-writing which was a challenge but it all worked out
patchwork self (datv) - a story about finding pieces of your brother in yourself. i wrote a lot of structured fic this year and i think this one flowed the easiest and was the most precise in how it delivered the message i was trying to get across, also it’s gen which i never write
my most written pairing: thanzag with 11 stories! not surprising since ive spent most of the year humiliating myself over thanatos
my most used tags: romance, introspection, character study
what i learned: i learned above all to trust myself! this year i wrote and completed three multi chapter fics that i didn’t prewrite and posted week by week until it was done. i’ve never been able to do that before but this year i just did it and didn’t overthink it, and i trusted that i could finish the stories and i did lol i can do anything i think i just have to trust myself a little
what i want to write next year: i would like very much to write something original, i have a loose idea so i just need to sit down and write so my goal is really small and simple, hopefully i don’t let myself down
#2024 wrapped#my writing#in like 2 months im moving west to the other side of this country…… its going to be scary but I believe this new start will push me to#write my story#i can do it lol i know i can i just have to be serious about it#anyway thank you for like not exaggerating thank you for my life lol#idk what i would be doing if i wasn’t writing#so you reading anything i write means the world to me like genuinely#thank you :) and here’s to 300k more words next year#and if like 10k of that can be original that would be cool too lol#also not to gross anyone out but oh god someone’s gonna block me over this but i wrote every single one of these 359k words on my phone#on the google docs app lol#Throw tomatoes#🍅
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Hear me out…Meta Knight and Starstruck
✧˖°.✧ gravity ✧˖°.✧ ɡravɪti (noun) 1. the force that attracts a body towards the centre of the earth or towards any other physical body having mass 2. the degree of intensity of gravity, measured by acceleration 3. extreme importance; seriousness 4. solemnity of manner
#🎀💖#🎀🔍#meta knight#starstruck dee#my art#“might be funny” i agree!! and yet!! somehow i took it deadly serious!! uhhh..... sorry#wrapping up the month with the most popular prompt. they were tied then meta knight overtook sailor dee right at the end#(i guess coz i did sailor's earlier?) i'll still be doing others but i'm obviously a bit behind schedule sorry!#uhm.... haha.#bit of a ribbonemoji workout on this one.#i'm too attached to the pretentiousness of my caption (🔍🔍🔍) to add this to the main post & i'll come back to this later...#but in my worldbuilding Celestials have a behaviour called Sky Dancing. looks a lot like this. bird understanders pspspsps. iykyk#and as always: “is this one canon?” HHHHMMRR. i'm not sure yet. can i say that? i'm still deciding. this one is imo most feasible#at least as something with any actual Romantic Coding. has the kind of rivals > friends > lovers plotline as well which is always fun.#but i think they have to be stupid for a long time before they'd get *here*....#and i'm just not sure they'd have the chance before ███████ ██████ █████ ██ ████ ███.
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The Heart wants what it wants.
#aphrodite#helen of sparta#greek myth art#trojan war#the iliad#judgement of paris#the alt caption was gonna be 'the apple of my eye' but I decided on this instead bc I like the multiple meanings you could infer here#also fun fact: 'The Heart wants what it wants' is a Emily Dickinson quote from a letter she sent to her friend regarding how much the#friend missed her husband who was away at the time. So yeah. Extra fitting for this don't you think :')#Anyway. This is the first time I've posted my aphrodite design on here! I'm not surprised it ended up being a toxic yuriliad piece tbh#you can interpret the imagery and symbolism however you like. just know this was the tamer idea of the two involving golden apple(s)#one day i'll attempt the other idea because I like it too. both are very sapphic and gay so you haven't missed out much I promise 💜#yay for conflicted feelings! hooray for tragedy and love and angst and desire! yippee!#what if a woman was in love with two men (and a goddess).#and what if a goddess loved a mortal woman and knew her heart like the back of her hand. and had her wrapped around her finger. what then.#capri_art
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In love with the idea of captain marvel being Billy's imaginary friend. Like, it'd be so easy. Early depictions had them as almost fully separate people sometimes, like one soul with two minds, rather than just two filters like we mostly see now.
But imagine a Billy down on his luck, hurt and hiding from police and criminals alike, daydreaming the hours away as children do, taking inspiration from all the superheroes rising to fame, making little stories to play out his dreams of saving the world with a generic action doll he found while dumpster diving once. Most of the paint's rubbed off.
Red's his favourite colour, his comfiest jumper is a bright ruby even after all the grime and washes. Gold, too, it's shiny and warmer than silver! A hero cape is a must, big and eye catching! And he can fly, of course, like superman, and in his daydreams, when he's sore and frustrated after a long day's grind, his superhero is smart enough and knows all the right words to get the bullies to stop without resorting to fighting.
His superhero fantasy is one he spends a lot of time on, the first one he goes for when struggling to sleep at night, and he can picture it so clearly. Captain marvel is big and bright and kind, strong enough to lift the boxes for the old lady up the road who's moving all by himself, fast enough to catch Jamie who fell out of the tree on Saturday and broke his leg and couldn't come to class for weeks. He appears at the entrance to alleys when Billy is cornered, he steps up behind to cover for him when he gets caught shoplifting, he sits at the bus stop with him when it's pouring rain and the right bus doesn't seem to be coming.
And then the wizard comes, or rather whisks him away, and like a magician from a fairytale breathes life into his imaginary friend until Billy feels thrice his size and a million times more invincible.
From then on, captain marvel is a real hero, just like Billy is a real boy, and as one they save the whole city, and then the whole world, and get cats down from trees and help Mrs Victoria move the last of her boxes and she gives them a pinch in the cheek and cookies for the road and sometimes it hurts but it's so much better than he imagined.
#dc comics#captain marvel#dc captain marvel#shazam#billy batson#imaginary friend#imaginary friend au#Billy's great because you can give him the most buck wild adventures with the most self indulgent plots and it makes perfect sense#Batman and superman are out here having mental health crisis no.528 and marvels away having dance offs with gnomes#Billy would fit perfectly into gravity falls he really would#Anyway imaginary friend au is near and dear because it encapsulates that sort of safe fantasy for change and companion ship#And a protective imaginary friend brought to life is going to be just a fascinating character no matter what#And it's the perfect cover for non imaginary cap anyway. Why does he prioritise this kid over everything despite having never mentioned him#Imaginary friends always have to care for their creator! But you can't expect an imaginary friend to do your taxes!#Why is cap so eternally kind and bubbly and a bit childish? That's because his creator is a kid! Duh!#This particular imaginary friend just so happens to have encountered magic and is now real enough to play basketball with asteroids.#He's strong enough to match superman but it's fine he's got a child's heart and an unending protectiveness for humanity.#Just don't try anything with the kid or you're toast.#I love the jl needing to save/help Billy in some way and cap; who's practically the jls puppy mascot at this point#Is just shamelessly and unrepentantly possessive of Billy while being openly wrapped around his finger. Number one fan#Like 'he's the specialist boy and if you don't clap for him I'm going to blow this whole building up' type#Have you read Split on ao3 it's like that. Cap is the most unaffiliated person on the team and then bam Billy is number 1 priority 100%#Go read split if you haven't 10/10#Like it never crosses caps mind to hinder or harm Billy he is Devoted. Platonic God/worshipper except the deity in question is an 11yo#And the worshipper is the closest thing to a deity without being one you can get in dc.#But like a healthy relationship lmao.#It's a soul deep claim with total freedom on both sides and they teach each other love and they're the same person#AUGH
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☆ Valentino Rossi collage ☆
*゚*.☆✷*゚*.✧☆✷*゚*.☆。•̀✧*。*゚*.✧
#valentino rossi#vr46#motogp#collage#i tried to play more with colours and textures for this one#and also used clear plastic as background so more attention would go towards pictures#for example i used sandpaper (bottom right) plastic wrapping that used for school textbooks (on top right there white cupboard behind it)#and also yellow stuff is the thing used in making walls. it is put behind concrete to make it sturdier#and ofc aluminium can of vr46 monster that i cut up for this#i spent no joke hours on getting pictures just right and picking which ones i will use here#with million changes throughout prosses of making things#took me HOURS but I'm proud of the result#also please tell me your thoughts on this bc i really want to know others opinions but noone says anything 😭😭#my personal favourite is ✌️✌️ vale on the background of red flowers. he was so hard to cut up#and little stars next to yellow pic#a small callback to my next collage for my favourite star boy🤭#well he's also technically in this one but i don't want to tag him
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Happy Valentines, Akira. Happy Valentines, Asshole.
If you can’t read what Akechi’s secondary inner-dialogue says cause I obscured it too much behind his regular dialogue, here’s a transcription in panel order: Hello, you fucking- Ah- Hello, Akira! Fuck off, why should I tell you- Just a soda- there’s a new flavor.
I don’t want your shitty gift. Oh- haha! You’re so sweet.
I hope I choke. They’re lovely, thank you.
Like hell. Likewise. There’s no way it’s just a coincidence. Still though, it’s a funny coincidence.
#p5#akeshu#akechi goro#kurusu akira#wow- me?? posting a valentines comic... actually on?? valentines????? wack. absolutely wack#it's a short one! I purposefully tried to keep it short. it was a challenge and it still ended up being 3 pages. but i blame my canvas size#also in case u can't see what akira is holding out to akechi: theyre chocolate covered strawberries on sticks!#i saw them irl and was like oh god i want those. i am going to project that feeling on my favorite characters so help me god#and now! here we are! but my shitty-ass coloring & line quality make it hard to discern them so. sorry about that lmaooooo#ANYWAY i don't do enough post-maruki stuff so. i made this one a little bittersweet. :)#why did i put akechi's scarf in a bow? honestly i dont know! i think i saw some art a while ago that did that too and i thought it was cute#well. plus i guess there's the symbolism of 'akechi being alive and reciprocating your feelings (however involuntarily) IS a gift' part#hence that hes wrapped up in a bow. like a present. :)#also god. the first panel is supposed to be akechi's reflection in a vending machine window. I could NOT get it to look right#so for reference!!! just so you guys understand!!!!!! thats what that panel is supposed to be!!! he is NOT in fact a ghost. (sigh)#hope you enjoyed and had a lovely valentines!! for my part i have eaten nothing but sweets today and hoo boy will that have been a mistake#ALSO in terms of the audience-participation comic...hopefully coming soon. if i can ever gain the will to draw it.#but at least tumblr has polls now so i can do the audience-choose-y bit without needing to use a separate website! so thats good i guess#anyway anyway anway thanks for listening to me ramble if you made it this far! have a lovely rest of your day and hopefully see u again soon
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#hplonesome art#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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#HEEEERE'S THE BIGGUN#everyone knows this guy from being the mailman in rescue team. and good on 'im for doing the job that no one else can#it's your game‚ pelipper! woooo!! cheering. clapping‚ even#see remember in wingull's tags when i was talking about it not having one thing it's super memorable for? pelipper is the beak. that bill#or whatever it is. is it a beak or a bill#it's a kangaroo pouch is what it is. for holding Mail………#i'm trying out the new post editor for this one. normally i use the “legacy post editor” or whatever they call it but i'm trying the new on#just for fun. and i'm not sure how i feel about it#it's kinda objectively better but the font for tags is way bigger. on the old one i could kinda intuit when i'm abt to hit the character li#it. ← like that. but here i can't quite tell. bc it makes it look like tags are able to be way longer bc it wraps twice instead of just onc#because the font is so big. it's like better. it's more readable and it plays nice with my theme. but i dunnoooooo#tumblr users are notoriously averse to change and i suppose i'm basically the same way#this isn't about pelipper. here's pelipper. enjoy pelipper#pelipper
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if ianto jones (NOT gareth david-lloyd. actual ianto jones) walked through your door and said he wasnt dead and he needed a kidney and you were the only match what would you do
i am holding his face in my hands, kissing that man on the forehead, and asking him if he wants the left or right one
#babygirl it would be an HONOR to be rendered immunocompromised for the rest of my life for you#you need a kidney? it’s yours. blood? i got that universal donor shit baby!!! i got liters of sweet sweet O- on tap for you#plasma. marrow. various snacks and soft drinks. you need a few quid? no fucking clue what that is. here’s 50 dollars. i love you#no questions asked. partially because i know it would get me nowhere. gotta assume the reasons are absurd and way above my pay grade.#when dealing with TW and its operatives understand that you will never understand.#you can seek out the truth but don’t try to wrap your head around it.#ianto jones is alive and in your doorway and saying he needs a kidney transplant and that you are the only match in the world? yeah alright.#side tangent: the clarification that this is not GDL made me imagine if it was him and it’s such a funny fucking visual#i hear a knock on my front door. get up and go to it. open it up and it’s fucking Gareth David Lloyd.#i’ve only ever seen him on TV/films or IG but this is a whole ass dude in front of me. and then he says he needs a kidney transplant#and he keeps talking and says that i am the only person on earth who is a donor match so would you please give me your one of your kidneys#just the image of some grown ass man that i vaguely know of spawning outside of my house and asking me to give him one of my organs#it’s so funny to me. how did you find my address? why am i the only viable match? how did you get THAT information? i love torchwood btw#he’s an actor who played one of my favorite characters but he’s also some random man#ianto jones#torchwood
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