#//HOW DO I EVEN TW THESE ANYMORE
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...leo says he smells pizza. also he cant move and he can see the humans.
. . .
#//HOW DO I EVEN TW THESE ANYMORE#leo gets lost counter#tw paralysis#tw just in case#tagging (derogatory)
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happy valentines day may all your love be monstrous and uncontainable
#almost done with my dmmd playthru again. yippee#my bf's big beautiful brain got him into med school so now he's stuck studying while im stuck drawing ppl eating each other. happy v day#dmmd#dramatical murder#someone commission me to draw more of these fucks i love drawing them but i cant justify doing it more bc#there's something else i have to be working on that ppl are actually paying me for lol#aoba seragaki#ren#fanart#artists on tumblr#tw gore#tw blood#i've been on here so long i dont even know how tws work anymore sorry. avert ur eyes
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'Glasgow's Bacchus 🏴 🍇'
i feel like there's a lot of art scattered around from my last couple years at art school that i just never really got around to posting here! i was so chuffed with this one - really hoping to make a lot more pieces with Innes and my other Scotland based OCs in reference to renaissance/baroque paintings, but we’ll see :’)
#do I remember how to tag stuff anymore? I acc have no idea lol#Innes#oc#OCs#original character#original characters#Glasgow#scotland#Scottish art#Bacchus#dionysus#scotposting#digital art#drug reference#drug tw#even tho it’s just grass yknow
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Jacob – Couples Therapy podcast (Hosts: Naomi Ekperigin and Andy Beckerman)
Bring a friend to a date?
Did he mean it like a throuple/threesome or did he meant "date a friend instead of starting again with your ex"?! 🤨 The hosts kinda sucked on this one. They didn't even let him explain himself 😒 I can't believe it didn't cross any of their minds to ask if he meant it like in a open relationship/polyamorous relationship way or another thing 🤦♀️
Anyway, I don’t even think jacob himself realised yet what he have going on with his bestie Sam.
And then right after, naomi says “i think we kinda know, so it’s fine” just unprovoked and him not saying anything… lol everybody got u and ur little workplace friend business
source: lovesjar
Also around 1:26:04 (i think is even for the same question/advice from the video above):
#jam reiderson#i will not tag the actors bc i dont know how safe it is in here with shipping/rpf#anyway the replies/quotes on the tw link are really funny like#He is giving advices based on his own experience 😭#How do you even decipher this information properly without going to them#not beating the allegations ... im starting to believe he's trying to tell us something 👁👄👁#coworker situationship so good you dont even know what dating is like anymore#having an emotional support friend you share your romantic experiences with... accidentally advocating for ethical non-monogamy is a likely#the way they both immediately start mocking him too 😭😭
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The trans experience of getting lucky with a new primary care provider who doesn't care about your transness or transition so long as you're getting the proper care
Manifesting this for every trans person because I finally felt like a normal human being going to a doctor
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#transphobia#transphobia tw#i have avoided doctors for like... four years now because of how awful they are toward trans people 🤩 (sarcastic star-eyes emoji)#i thought i didn't have anxiety anymore until i made a first appointment with this new primary care provider i have...#...and when they were doing my vitals and got to the blood pressure screen i was shaking (which i normally am tbf)#i will be fair and say i have had more negative experiences with mental health providers though#but since i've avoided doctor-doctors i haven't had the time TO have negative experiences#my dad was actually really kind and asked if my doctor tried being transphobic and i realized... NO! he didn't even try!#my dad's first question was if dr. [redacted] tried to talk me out of testosterone and i was like shit... no he didn't!!#and i felt like a normal person seeing the doctor albeit with a lot of anxiety but i was treated normally :)#it feels SO nice after feeling like a lab rat or like in the movies where a psychiatrist comes out to explain what transsexuality#explain what transsexuality is*
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Picture 1 being the redraw of possibly my first human OC ever back when I was so edgy and hopping around on Deviantart and absolutely obsessed with Team Rocket and cloned pokemon and edginess. Tried to keep the same mood / paint style because it's only fair.
Picture 2 is the picture I found in a usb key the other day and reminded me of this foul creature I completely removed from my brain till today. I'm not joking this probably from 2008 and that's an OBVIOUS base. And that's a thing drawn with a mouse.
And now i'm feeling nostalgic.
#i don't even remember how was he called#publicly outing myself as an edgy kid here i don't know what i'm doing with myself#i was ... heck 10 or something and already so edgy#and don't try to find the dA account it doens't exist anymore luckily for me#even if i'm literally publishing this stuff here so#heck how was he called!#whatever#tag.#blood tw#my art#so called#art#ARTT#my oc#that i don't remember the name of#i need to drink more water this heat is getting to my head#team rocket#he was a clone though of course
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i’m trying my hardest to not act how i feel
#tw: directed fp vent#it feels like you don’t love me anymore#even when i’m in the same room as you.. it’s so heartbreaking to watch you bond with other people when you should be giving me the attention#all i want is you to show me you love me when we’re alone#it’s the only time we have together.. just us.. but you go and play games with your friends on discord while i chill in the background#taking stab after stab every time you laugh or say you love them#i know we’re not partners so i shouldn’t feel this way but i fucking do#and i want you.. more than i’ve ever wanted anyone in my life#you just never seem to understand why i get so upset#it’s because I WANT YOU#all to myself#i should be the center of your mind.. like you are in mine#it just.. fuck it sucks being in love with someone so oblivious and against it#idk how to tag this#bpd vent#bpd fp#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#actually borderline#bpd favorite person#bpd shitposting#bpd#bpd problems#bpd mood#i would but the tag beloved.txt with this but i don’t really want to put it there if he ever finds out the tag about him
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post depressive episode clarity like what the fuck do you mean they'll never disappear, just fade.
#mine#tw: sh#i'll be a 30yo woman a 40yo woman a 50yo woman a 60yo woman and someday an old woman with SCARS ON MY ENTIRE LEGS?? like forever????#and i KNOW i broke through enough skin layers for these to never heal entirely like catscratches do#forever? for real? like the rest of my days? i'm never gonna have a healthy clean body like everyone else ever again?#it's THAT easy to just throw it away forever in a second?#i'm gonna be sick#what the fuck man#like both shoulders both thighs both calves entirely ruined#what the actual. fuck.#FUCK.#the awful part of the last year is over thank god#it was an episode lasting from like idk january until#august maybe#i think i'm finally feeling better#but i was really looking into legal psychiatric euthanasia there. drafting my fucking mail to the Dying With Dignity type companies#cause i went to a shrink who told me that i have bpd and while i didn't believe him#fact of the matter is that in some eu countries you're allowed to get euthanized for that. so .#but that doesn't matter i'm a bit better now i'm not thinking about it as much anymore#but it sickens me that#not only do i have to fucking take it alone#but i also have to deal with a lifetime of ridicule disgust “turn off” and pity afterwards#my own best friend told me to make sure to cover up when we slept at a relative's#and i felt it was ridiculous that anyone could even judge me negatively based on the scars when it's me who had to deal with this shit#not them!! and clearly it wasn't fucking easy!!! like if anyone it's not you who's getting hurt from this!!!!!!#i asked her whether she would ever be thrown off by seeing healed scars#and in the coldest tone she replied 'No but I would not know how to explain that to my kids.'#the relatives did not. in fact. have kids.
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Rosaria Champagne, “Law of the (Nameless) Father: Mary Shelley’s Mathilda and the Incest Taboo” // Star Trek: Deep Space 9, 2x22 “The Wire”
#incest tw#RENT LOWERING GUNSHOT POST#''I never met anyone who relished a good interrogation as much as you did.''#and then we proceed to hear a story about how Garak preferred to stare at someone for four hours straight rather than interrogate them#and THEN we proceed to watch him try to interrogate someone and not be able to do it even when he literally doesn't even have to doanything#because the anti-changeling machine basically does it for him and he still can't even watch it happen#hm. hmmmmmmmmmm#''We're both getting sentimental in our old age.''#Fathers love to tell you you enjoyed it actually. and also you're basically a fellow adult really.#it's their favorite thing in the whole world#Starky's Original Posts#Star Trek: Deep Space 9#watch these tags look stupid after I watch Broken Link or something. whatever I'm basking in them for now.#not sorry for posting this due to the fact that I wanted to do so. however I am sorry you had to see it.#god I looked up TDIC script for this and I cannot do it anymore#NO NEED TO PRETEND. YOU'RE FOND OF MILA. AREN'T YOU? YOU DON'T WANT HER HURT DO YOU?#SICKO TELEVISION SHOW I CAN'T WAIT FOR ALL OF CARDASSIA TO GET EXPLODED BY ONE TRILLION BOMBS#GOODBYE
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LMAO just when i thought things couldn’t get any worse my brother is getting physical and insulting me again. because i asked him to move so i could get at some of my shit.
#he literally started throwing an ottoman around 💀 dude has some serious issues#i didn’t even want to take his seat dude was sitting right in front of my phone charger and shit#and saying all this shit abt ‘how i do nothing’ dumbass i take care of the ENTIRE house and lawn so you don’t have to#and even if i didn’t ‘do shit’ that doesn’t give you the right to literally get physical bc i want to get at MY SHIT#i want to die i dont even give a fuck what he THINKS of me anymore he’s clearly deranged but when he starts screaming and throwing shit at#me. it triggers my ptsd SO badly#he’s literally picked me up and thrown me to the ground bc of this exact issue#literally what is his fucking problem#now im sitting here shaking :))))#abuse tw#<- jic#dlt ltr
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went running and can report i'm still not that person
#'running is the best exercise you can do for muay thai' please don't say that#lie to me#jk it was alright. went to the park at 9pm and i've got a route now#ran some sections and walked others#so hopefully if i do it again (and again and again and again) i'll be able to keep up the running for longer#got a method of noticing change that way#which is something i'm historically quite bad at#tw for weight stuff in the rare event anyone is reading these tags#i've definitely gained muscle since starting this silly exercise habit thing#and i don't check how much i weigh because i don't care#and it would hopefully just go up anyway#but checked today for drug trial reasons and i'm 4kg less than last time? alright#again. genuinely doesn't mean much to me (anymore)#i don't think i need to lose any weight and tbh i'd rather not#but its still . ig. a sign that i've been consistent with something#which is SO hard#because i get into phases that go way too intense and then stop completely#but this is a normal amount to change by and i haven't done anything crazy#also kept it up for 6 months#so apparently i have the ability to form and keep habits now#and the weight is an indicator of that even if it was unintentional#(also for muay thai i have to be in a weight class)#(fighting is a long way off but it's at the back of my mind to pay more attention to it)#anyway. who would've thought i'd be doing this#✅️ learnt how to do habits at age 22
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Ugh. I had a really bad day.
#chat sesh with iris#vent in the tags#had to get a super personal reminder of someone who I used to know who left me YEARS AGO but it still upsets me to hear her name and I#literally saw HER MOM who proceeded to talk a bunch about what she’s been doing#tw suicide mention#tw suicidal ideation#in the tags lol#so warning that it’s in the next tag#like I think about killing myself whenever I have a passing thought about her so this was too much#I’m not going to do it I’m physically safe 👍👍👍 but like#even despite all of the shitty things that happened I was still having a pretty good week because like. people have been really nice to me.#and I’ve been having a little fun#but this is way too far to excuse like practically no matter what else happened or happens 😭😭😭#like hearing how much better her life is than mine#I literally had to physically leave the situation#like she had finally after YEARS(!!!) gotten mostly off of my mind#but not anymore#the heaviest sigh ever#anyway I would apologize for venting but like this is my blog 👍👍👍#I don’t really have anywhere else to talk about it#like even the people who I consider my best friends did not care or respond or ask questions when I mentioned that I was having like a-#breakdown in public#other than one#shoutouts#and I’m probably going to sleep really soon so maybe I’ll wake up and think this is too personal and delete it#like if I’m only posting because of how tired I was#or who knows maybe my thoughts will keep me awake for hours#I still have nightmares about her#BLUE AND DAWN AND HOP AND ARVEN AND GREEN SAVE ME!!!!!
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Long time no Bud. Wow the last time I made her a ref was 2018. I experimented some with her pallet. Unsure if I like the profile head but oh well, open mouthed anime inspired profile faces are notoriously hard for a reason.
Sigh. What am I going to do with her.. my writing conundrum workshopping in tags. My tag rant mentions plot related suicide and ableism (in relation to the zombie trope).
#my art#my ocs#ft the irises#tw suicide#tw ableism#sh e the yello one. can you tell she's thematically yellow?#as i don't care about 'spoilers' anymore because i'm doubtful i'll ever get to finish my writing stuff i'll just dump my writing hangup her#i think she's probably about 18 here (physically)#beware the in the tags plot includes suicide and ableism (in relation to the zombie trope)#Bud's voice specifically is tricky.. as Vera (the ghost) left her body (bud) when she was 10.#And vera took all knowledge (memories and words and thoughts) with her when she left.#and bud had to start mentally from scratch after rising from the dead. thus being interpreted as a 'zombie' sort of monster#Vera hatess Bud as hate of the self/ hate of the physical/ hate of the unintelligent (vera is in the wrong here. but she's complicated)#((lol can you tell why vera named herself that haha))#i want her to prompt characters/people to reininvestigate how they think of 'brainless zombie' tropes in relation to ableism but--#but i am doubtful of my writing ability and should probably change what i have going on to something less risky#originally when i was 12 and i first made them all bud was purely a chaotic antagonist. and i have def moved past that#12 yr old me expressing my suicidal idealization by having Vera absolutely hate her old body#and bud (formerly xqi for askew iris in middle/high school) being the body that was rightfully thrown away#but now that i'm past that all.. i need to make bud a character that can actually take up just as much importance as the other 3 irises#do i have the writing skills to do that? who knows.. Bud isn't even a 'main character' the way vera is. should i still try?#even if i never wind up trying and this conundrum stops me forever.. at least these blorbos can live in my head u_u#might delete the tag rant later if i feel self conscious enough about it :/#shrugs profusely#any suggestions are welcome. join me in untangling this gordion knot if u want ashdfhasdfjldf
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Top 10 moments before disaster that altered my brain chemistry
#rewatching season 5 means I have to go through donovan mess again#anyway not thinking about season 5 stiles “I can’t do what you can”#and season 2 “I can’t do the thing that you can do”#and season 5 “say you believe me” and season 3 “you just don’t believe”#he’s going through all 5 stages of grief in that#in the end he’s not even defending himself anymore#when Scott backed away from him and said they can’t kill people#likeeeeeeee you can tell the moment he gave up on being understood and just begged Scott to tell him how to fix this#stopppppppppp#not sure if anyone here watch tw but#teen wolf spoilers#just in case
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Whoopsie time
#vent tw#cw vent#I'm stupid to have dropped out of college#now I don't know what I'm doing and I can't do the very passion I set out to do#Animation was my dream and I ruined it for a guy who groomed me and ended up physically abusing me.#I didn't realize trying to animate and failing because I don't understand it no matter what I look up about it would result in a breakdown#Not to mention I'm regressing in my art skill right now.#My art is ASS right now no matter how hard I try to improve it#references... Practice... Doodles... Warmups you name it#nothing is going right and I have the urge to quit art altogether#I'm not going to and I can't bring myself to ever do that but It's aching inside me#I want my art to be good according to me. not others. People can say it's great but if I don't like it... I'm not going to settle for it#I shouldn't have left#I loved college#I loved SELU#I loved my life back then#And now I'm here. And I'm not happy anymore.#Even with writing. I even took a long break from writing and I still can't do it right according to myself.#Now I have no muse or motivation for any of it#I feel empty. And I can't go to therapy because I can't afford the balance on my account.#I just feel like I failed.#I feel like I failed my parents and myself. They always tell me theyre so proud of me but I don't understand how they can be.#Not when I ended up in two severely abusive relationships... Dropped out of college twice... And now work in a factory full time.#Yeah i make decent money in a place I enjoy but it all just feels empty.#I could've been more#i could've done better#[[out of ammo]];; ooc
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#tw vent#ah yes logging back into tumblr to yeet this and then going#i will persevere i will persevere i will persevere i will persevere#i've never felt this much like an alien in my entire fucking life and that's saying something from someone who was excluded in primary#school and has been since (regularly called devil spawn as well isn't it lovely)#i'm sick and tired of this#i never planned to make it past 18 but i did it regardless out of sheer fucking spite and will and wanting it to get better#and here i am six years later and just as miserable#except this time i won't have to spend weeks discreetly hoarding a stash because i never threw it out#and i know that's not the thing to do and that i should continue to press on and all that and believe it will get better but like#at this point i'm not sure if; even if things do get better that i'll even be in a position to appreciate it?#i feel fucking broken and i have been so utterly numb for most of my life#i don't know how to make friends and even less about how to keep them#i've spent my entire life trying to fit in and getting mocked and bullied for being weird#i adapt personality traits of everyone around me for the sake of never risking upsetting anyone or putting myself at chance of ridicule#i don't even know who i am at this point- i don't think i've ever known myself because by the time i became a teen#i was already hurting myself just so i could get some of my frustration out without making a scene or trouble anyone#it took six years for anyone to notice; six fucking years and even then all i was met with was anger#i hate being excluded and i hate being left out and people keep doing it and i keep doing it to myself#because i don't want to be here anymore but i don't want to hurt anyone so i remove myself from social relations so no one will miss me#i feel so fucking alone and it's all my own fault and i'm so scared to do anything about it#how can anyone want to spend time with someone who doesn't even know themselves? i'm a mess i'm sorry i needed to process my thoughts#but i guess i'll persevere#my cat needs me to#tw suicidal ideation#tw self harm
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