#// but no a fucking OFFICIAL NOVEL was insane enough to say this instead

[demonsfate]

a reminder that whilst being head of the zaibatsu, abaddon would sometimes kill his own employees just for fun (sometimes as a stress reliever too)

[carriagelamp]

Weirdly enough, I often find myself reading less in the summer, since I have more time than I do during the rest of the year to do other things. Also artfight has been eating up more than a bit of my free time! But here’s a collection a graphic novels I sat around on the hammock reading, and some novels I finished up...

(Everyone go read All Systems Red, holy crow guys)

A Whale of the Wild

The “sequel” to A Wolf Called Wander, though it doesn’t actually connect to the previous novel except in the stylistic/thematic sense. A Whale of the Wild is very much a standalone novel. And a pretty decent one! Personally, I think I liked Wolf more, but this one was a pleasant, informative read, with just the right amount of crushing dread sprinkled in. It’s about a young orca called Vega who is learning to become a new wayfinder for her pod but who still has a lot to learn, especially in an ocean that is becoming increasingly hostile to orcas and the other sealife that live alongside humans. When a devastating earthquake hits, Vega and her little brother find themselves separated from their family, lost in a now horrifyingly unfamiliar environment, and fighting starvation as the salmon that sustain them become more and more unreliable. It’s a desperate fight for survival as they search for food and their missing family. This book is written for a middle grade level, and does a really good job of putting the current environmental crisis into an animal’s perspective while giving the readers something to hope for.

The Adventure Zone: The Crystal Kingdom

Every July I eagerly anticipate the next Adventure Zone graphic novel. This one is for their fourth arc, The Crystal Kingdom, in which Magnus, Taako, and Merle respond to a SOS from a floating laboratory that is gradually being consumed by crystals and which threatens the entire world should it fall into the ocean. Carey Pietsch’s art continues to be absolutely fantastic, so beautifully and hilariously expressive, and this one delivers some great Merle moments, lots of Carey Fangbattle, and, of course, Kravtiz. Kravitz, my beloved…

Anyway, I obviously always recommend these. If you��ve never gotten into The Adventure Zone, I totally recommend either trying these graphic novels — or even better, just go listen to the podcast because it really is both hilarious and creates a shockingly good and heart-wrenching story by the end.

All Systems Red

I’ve seen The Murderbot Diaries on my dash occasionally, and it always looked interesting, but a friend’s recommendation finally compelled me to read the first novella of the series. And holy shit y’all. Absolutely the best book I’ve read this month, it’s amazing. Mind-blowingly good. Also, if you’re like me and want a good audiobook, it’s a nice three-hour listen, very chill!

Anyway, All Systems Red is about a Security Unit, an artificially created being that’s part-organic part-mechanical and all-company-owned-and-controlled. However, self-named “Murderbot” has managed to hack into the system that suppresses its own will, and is now coasting along, doing the least amount of work its job requires not to be noticed, while preferring to spend all its time watching the hours and hours of soap operas it has downloaded into its brain. And it’s a tolerable if somewhat dull life, until the science team that it's currently rented to is attacked and the whole mission goes pear-shaped. Suddenly Murderbot has to scramble to keep its humans alive… while its humans scramble with the realization that their “SecUnit” isn’t actually a mindless robot like they had all believed...

This story is both gripping and hilariously funny. Murderbot has such a unique voice and perspective and it’s an absolute pleasure to follow its story. I reallly need to read the next book...

Asterix and the Banquet

A classic. I was startled when I realized I hadn’t actually read this Asterix story… but hell I’m not gonna complain, it lets me read one of the originals for the first time again! In this Asterix volume, the Indomitable Gauls and the Romans end up arranging a bet — the Romans intend to keep them under siege, trapped in their village, while Asterix is confident that he can easily evade them… and will prove it by going on a tour around all of Gaul, collecting iconic foods from each region in order to return and put on a fine banquet. So we get a fantastic adventure in which Asterix and Obelix run all over the country, pursued the whole way, while making cheerful stops at the various eateries along the way. Also the first book Dogmatix shows up in! All around, a wonderful read, fun like all the best Asterix comics are.

Beauty Pop v4

A less impressive graphic novel. The first Beauty Pop is one of my guilty pleasure manga because… it really is pretty stupid but in the best possible ways. I mean, the whole thing is framed around hairstyling battles, like a shojo sports manga without the sports. It’s bonkers. Unfortunately, the series does not really manage to hold up, and it really begins to feel repetitive and dragging as it continues… as a lot of series like this do. *shrug* Unsurprising but still kinda disappointing I suppose. The building three-way romantic tension is mildly interesting if for no other reason than the main character Does Not Notice and Does Not Care about any of it, which is amusing and refreshing.

FRNCK v5

Now this series only gets better and better as it goes. This is the first book of the second arc, and somehow the danger just seems to be ramping up and up and up. The cavefamily have lost their home… as well as Léonard and Gargouille. Heartbroken, shocked, and angry, Franck is the one who ends up shouldering the blame for their presumed deaths as the others mourn. Things only get worse when Franck finds himself separated from the family, and in the territory of another tribe, this one hostile and cannibalistic...

Haikyuu v5

I continue to read this series because it continues to be charming… though it is beginning to feel, maybe, just a little repetitive. Kind of an inevitability with sports manga. But so far it continues to be good enough to overcome that. I’m not sure what I can say about this series that I haven’t already, so I’ll simply say it continues to be one of the most impressive sports manga I’ve read, and the author does a fantastic job of creating engaging characters, fleshed out teams, and really compelling relationships. I do genuinely adore all the main members of Crows, along with a number of characters from the rival teams as well. And of course it has some kickass volleyball scenes that are just drawn so dramatically they can’t help but take your breath away a little.

M*A*S*H Goes To Maine

Meh. The original book of the series was actually quite good in my opinion. This one… considerably less so. The first part I enjoyed more, since it was about Hawkeye, Trapper, Duke, and Oliver Jones trying to set up the FinestKind Clinic and Fishmarket in Crabapple Cove (which… is just the best premise I could have ever asked for). However, the book spends most of its time describing the quirky lives and times of other people living in the area and I… just… don’t care. It was funny at times but… I just don’t care. I wanted to hear more about the main cast. Also I found this book felt more racist and misogynistic than the first which also put me off :/ Wouldn’t bother if I were you. Go read the first book instead, or better yet just watch the TV show which is an obvious banger.

My Heart’s in the Highlands

I have had this on my “currently reading” list for so long but I’m officially giving up. It’s a really good book in theory but my god I can’t get over the pacing.

It’s about Lady Jane, a woman studying medicine in Edinburgh in 1888, and who suddenly finds herself back in the Highlands in the 13th century. Lost and confused, Jane is now at the mercy Clan Donald’s hospitality while she tries to adjust to this new world and hunts for her broken time machine. Fortunately, this hospitality include a burgeoning friendship with a red-haired warrior woman, Ainslie nic Dòmhnaill, who opens Jane’s eyes to the way the world could be.

Listen. It drives me nuts. This book should be completely up my alley, it has everything I like — IT HAS ALL OF ITS HISTORICAL FOOTNOTES CITED AT THE BACK, LITTLE EXTRA DETAILS ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THAT’S MY SHIT RIGHT THERE. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE BEING ABLE TO GO OVER HISTORICAL DETAILS?? AND WELL RESEARCHED FOOTNOTES?? And yet it doesn’t. Fucking. Work for me. It has a kickass Scottish warrior lady as a love interest! It has a badass lady doctor! It has fish-out-of-water culture shock! But it also has a completely meandering plot, no sense of building tension, and a romance that just happens out of nowhere and feels completely unearned and uninteresting.

I would genuinely just rather read Outlander again, which I know has its own host of problems, but at least Outlander felt exciting and interesting and tense and funny. The romance built in fits and starts, it was complicated, and kept me interested. That book had me hooked (and has me hooked every time I reread it) whereas this book I’ve been sadly picking at for months like its a plate of overcooked spinach. This felt like an attempt at a queer, historically accurate knockoff which I would normally be super into but which just could not stick the landing.

Moomin on the Riviera

My first time actually reading anything from the Moomin canon. I have zero idea how to feel about it! It certainly is as feral as I’ve heard described! Overall, I think I enjoyed it but it sure made me feel strange emotions I didn’t know existed. I’m not even going to try to describe it. Read it if you want a batshit insane anti-capitalist comic.

Surviving the City

This was good in some areas, less good in others. It had a very interesting indigenous perspective on life in the modern city, the foster system, and The Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women issue, which I’ve never seen handled in a book before. Something about the pacing did not completely click with me and I found myself getting easily distracted, but it’s definitely worth the read just to experience it and look at the issues it deals with through the characters’ (and author’s) eyes. It did give me a lot to think about and wrestle with, which is sometimes the best thing a book can give you.

Torchwood: Pack Animals

A really fun read, more so than I had ever expected! If you like Torchwood and want more stories about the team before everything goes to shit, this is perfect for that. It includes the entire cast, an interest mystery to be unravelled, lots of slavering monsters, Rhys being really wonderful and sweet (which I didn’t know I wanted until I read this book), and all the humour I expect from Torchwood. I had to send a lot of quotes to my long-suffering girlfriend who a) does not watch this show but b) needs to tolerate it because I find it too funny to keep to myself. It was good enough to make me go out another book of the series since this was the only one my library carried.

[artofapeach]

any headcanons on your favorite helluva character?

I hope you guys are in the mood for a novel aksnkaka

Okay so I’ve got two fave Helluva characters. Verosika and Fizzarolli.

While I draw Verosika a ton and absolutely love her design, I don’t really think about her a lot? So I end up not having very many headcanons for her. I do imagine that she’s a hopeless romantic though and that she truly thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with Blitz. Also, I like to imagine while dating Blitz, she and Fizz had a classic ex vs current partner rivalry, but once she and Blitz broke up, she bonded with Fizz and became fast friends :3c

Now Fizz is another story

He’s the opposite. I barely draw him, ‘cause his design scares me, but BOY do I think about him. And admittedly, I probably project myself onto him a lot. But ya know, it’s my headcanon, so I don’t care 😌

First of all, this boy has ADHD. Growing up, he had a hard time keeping still and had so many interesting ideas that he absolutely HAD to execute. He got into a lot of trouble for it, and rarely didn’t have detention.

He’s also actually really smart and was the top of his class. Everyone wonders how because he never seems to be paying attention or studying (he is, but not the conventional way). Barbie Wire theorizes that he’s actually SO smart, he sees things no one else sees and it drove him insane.

Speaking of Barbie, she 100% bullies him, and even considers herself a professional Fizzarolli bully. But it’s that fun, sisterly type of bullying. Fizz was a crybaby growing up and she loved making fun of that, but if you even THINK about calling Fizz a crybaby yourself, she’s ready to fight. Only SHE can bully him!

He was close to Tilla too! His parents neglected him and couldn’t handle his zaniness, so Tilla was really more of a parent to him than they were.

Also, because of the theories I see, I like to imagine Fizz as homoromantic demisexual? I’m hanging onto thjs very loosely, ‘cause I do have some doubts it would be true, but I dunno. The seeds for it are there.

And, of course, he and Blitz dated. Like, that’s not even a headcanon, that’s a legit theory I have. Those two were best friends, started crushing on each other, had that awkward first make out, started dating seriously, almost to the point of marriage, then Mammon came in and fucked everything up :)

Fizz decided to swear off relationships and focus on work, ‘cause fuck, they just break your heart. He decides to live as the Fizzarolli character instead of himself as a person. And that went well for like, I dunno, 15 years!

Then Asmodeous came in and fucked that up.

Fizz found himself being more his ACTUAL self around Oz, which is dangerous, ‘cause that’s how you get your heart broken! It doesn’t help that Oz seems actively interested in Fizz himself, even if he sees Fizz as more of a toy or a pet (he doesn’t, but Fizz doesn’t know that). So you know what? Fuck it. Fizz decides he WILL live as Ozzie’s pet, ‘cause he’s happier that way, and as long as it doesn’t go further than that, it should be fine, right?

(needless to say, things are not fine)

Whew, I think that’s all? Probably not, but this post is long enough as is aosnkajao

I dunno WHY I latch on the Fizz so hard; he’s officially only been in ONE episode. And I’m not even one who usually thinks of headcanons much, I’m happy enough with actual canon! But I just…I really love him and I need more of him god

[rhysismydaddy]

The Librarian Ch.1 (Nessian fic)

Wowzers, it’s been a while since I posted! I’ve been writing though! I just have a problem where I start writing shit and never finish it haha.

I finished this one, and it’s 4 parts, they’re all written, and they’ll be becoming out this week!

Synopsis: Cassian Nezara is the King of Campus. He’s the star quarterback for the winning football team, he’s got a great personality, and he’s pretty good looking, too. But when he’s forced to volunteer at the campus library because of a fight, he meets Nesta Archeron, the mysterious and sarcastic librarian. Finding out her secret changes how he views his status on campus forever. 

| Masterlist | Part 2 | Part 3 |

________________________________________________________________

~Cassian~

Cassian barreled through the sea of freshman in front of him, almost knocking one into the bookshelf next to her. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, not slowing down. 

Coach would kill him if he was late. 

He practically ran up to the little desk in the corner of the first-floor lobby. “Hi, um excuse me,” he said to the woman sitting behind the desk. She had her back turned, feet propped on the desk in front of her without a care in the world. “Do you work here?”

She didn’t turn around. Maybe she didn’t work here. The back of her head looked a little young to be a librarian, anyway. 

“Excuse me,” he said again to her back. 

She still didn’t turn around. Cassian managed to put his temper on a tight leash before slamming his hand into the little bell on top of the desk. 

With a heavy sigh, the woman snapped her book shut, whirling around. 

Cassian froze. And stared. 

He’d been right about the young part. She was probably his age, maybe a little younger. And fucking gorgeous. Crystal blue eyes, high cheekbones, lips that begged to be kissed. She was in an oversize sweatshirt and jeans, but he could tell she had a small figure that’d fit perfectly in his arms. 

Why the hell was she in this dusty place? 

“Books are organized by topic and last name, reference numbers are posted at the end of the columns,” she said drily, then made to turn back around. 

He reached out and grabbed the edge of her chair. 

“I’m not looking for a book.”

She glared at the hand clamped on her chair until he released it. “It’s a library. Surely even you noticed that.”

Jesus, what was this chick’s problem? Weren’t librarians supposed to be sweet old ladies with cats and a kink for romance novels?

“Yeah, I noticed,” he replied, equally as terse. 

She just raised an eyebrow.

“I’m Cassian Nezara. I’m... a volunteer.” 

The librarian looked him up and down. “Blood drive’s next week.”

“I’m not here for the blood drive. Coach Hampton should’ve sent an email-”

She’d been terse before, but her tone shifted even more toward something like hatred. “Coach Hampton.”

Cassian nodded, confused as hell. Everyone loved Coach. 

I mean, he’d led the school to victory in the National Championship for eight years in a row. Football was practically a religion around here, and Ron Hampton was the god. 

He supposed that made him and his teammates angels. He didn’t exactly hate the idea. It sure as hell matched with how the population of the school treated him. 

Ever since his first game when he’d been subbed for the starting quarterback, he’d been revered on campus. And had started. Everyone around him loved football. Loved coach. 

But the woman in front of him rose to her feet, jabbed a finger into his chest, and practically shoved him backwards, growling, “You tell Coach Hampton to find somewhere else to stick his delinquent players.”

His eyebrows shot to his hairline, and he would’ve retorted, asked why, but the look in her eyes told him not to. Plus, it’s not like he wanted to be stuck volunteering in the library every day. 

So Cassian just shrugged, grabbed his phone as he walked out of the building, and called coach. 

“What the hell did you do now,” the old bastard gruffed as soon as the line went through. 

He huffed a laugh. “Actually, I think it might have been you this time. The receptionist, librarian, whatever she is told me to tell you to ‘find somewhere else to stick your delinquent players.’”

Coach paused at that. Then, “Who was it?”

“Didn’t get a name.”

He could tell coach was pinching the brim of his nose as he said, “In your twenty-two years of life, when have you ever not gotten a girl’s name?”

“Listen,” he explained, “This chick is seriously pissed off at the world. And possibly deranged.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” 

The line went dead.

Cassian groaned, resisting the urge to chuck his phone into a nearby fountain. The fact that he was being punished in the first place as stupid to him. But it was stupider that coach seemed it fit to make him suffer in a library of all places. 

Plus, he was being punished for “fighting,” if you could even call it that. Cassian had landed one punch to the bastard’s face before his teammates pulled him back. 

Plus, the idiot had deserved it. Captain of the rival football team and an all-around prick, Tamlin O’Connor had practically goaded him into a fight. And Cassian had been stupid enough to let him. 

So stupid. 

Coach usually didn’t care if they fought, but the prick was threatening to sue if the school didn’t “discipline” him. So library duty it was, apparently. 

Coach’s car pulled up, and the stout man hopped out, already looking pissed off. 

“Okay, you bonehead, I’m here. This has to work out, Cassian,” he scolded, that signature scowl of his deepening. “The library is the only place on campus you don’t have to have a record of working. Labs, working as a TA, the gym... they all record it. So if it goes in the system, it’s official, and I’ll have to bench you.”

Cassian rolled his eyes in annoyance, following coach back inside. 

He pointed over to the desk where the receptionist sat, facing them this time, but still holding a book. 

“Excuse me. I need to talk to someone about one of my player’s volunteering here,” Coach’s usually raspy voice was nicer, softer. 

The woman sitting in front of them just looked up at Cassian as if to say, Ran to daddy? 

Then flattened her gaze on coach. Waiting. 

“The dean has ordered Mr. Nezara here,” he flung a hand in Cassian’s face, “to volunteer somewhere on campus as punishment for something, and we think the library would be a good fit.”

“Interesting. I don’t.” 

She looked back down at her book. 

Coach gritted his teeth. “Can I speak to your boss, young lady?”

Blue eyes flashed up at him, and a cruel smile twisted her mouth. “I don’t have a boss, old man.”

If Cassian had been anyone else, he’d have pulled up a chair and grabbed some popcorn. Coach was used to being listened to. Feared, even. And yet the woman lounging before them, looking at them as if they were filth... she didn’t seem the type to listen to anyone. 

“Listen here-”

“No, you listen. I’m not one of your little preening ogres in a leotard you can boss around. I run this library. So I know about you’re little scheme.” She whispered the last part conspiratorially, “The one where one of your players does something stupid and you tell the dean he’ll “volunteer” somewhere, then let him nap in the library for an hour every day.”

Coach opened his mouth, but she held up a hand. 

If he wasn’t being insulted every two seconds, he’d swear he was in love with her for that gesture alone. 

“Mr. Nezara,” she spat, “will not be serving his sentence here. People who volunteer here want to volunteer.” She looked up at him. “And usually know how to read.”

With that, she simply opened her book again. Conversation over. 

Cassian turned to leave, both annoyed and impressed, but Coach asked, “What will it take? For you to let him volunteer, and I mean actually volunteer, here?”

The librarian closed her book with a deep sigh. “Five percent of the annual earnings from football gets donated to my department,” she said as if she’d been waiting for the question.

Holy shit. That was insane. Coach would never-

“Two. Pre-season only.”

“Three. Regular season, no playoffs.”

“Deal,” Coach practically growled at the woman, turning to stomp out of the building. “He starts tomorrow.”

Casaian followed coach outside, and managed to contain his laughter at the man practically spitting fumes. 

“You realize that if you don’t win the championship this year and make the money back, I’ll kick your ass, right?”

“Why the hell did you do that?” he asked instead. “Three percent of our regular season is still a good chunk of change.”

Coach shrugged, jaw tightening. “When I was your age, I made a similar mistake. And it went on my record and hurt my chances of going pro. I still made it happen, but it was harder. A lot harder. The school will still make millions from the season, and the majority of the cash comes from the playoffs anyway.”

Cassian usually didn’t run out of things to say, but he found himself struck dumb. Coach was a mean old bastard, but he cared about his players and would do just about anything for them. “Thank you.”

Coach spat on the ground. “Get your punkass to the stadium. And, for the love of God, don’t piss that woman off even more.”

~Nesta~

A cheap, cheap woman. That’s that Nesta was. 

She’d sold herself out to the football team. For a chunk of money. Granted, it would probably be the biggest income for the library in years, but still. The thought of what she’d done made Nesta queasy. 

And to Ron fucking Hampton out of all people. Her hatred for him and his entire team of stupid, muscled toddlers pretending to be good guys ran deep. And she’d agreed to spend an hour with one. Every day. 

A cheap, cheap woman indeed. 

Two years ago, she’d promised herself she would never again lay her fate in the hands of someone like Hampton. And yet, she’d just done exactly what he’d wanted her to do. 

Granted, she didn’t roll over and take it like a good little young lady, but she ended up giving him what he wanted. Exactly like everyone else. 

But, no. She wouldn’t let it be that easy. She’d punish Hampton the only way she could: through “Mr. Nezara.” 

As Nesta walked into her apartment, locked all three deadbolts on her door, and took a steadying breath, she vowed to make her new volunteer’s life hell. 

And smiled.

~Cassian~

Cassian hustled into the library once again the next day, sliding to a stop in front of the reception desk. He checked his watch, then smiled. A whole thirty seconds early.

The woman from yesterday just closed her book and jerked her chin to him. “Follow me.”

She walked through aisles of books, hips swaying in a way Cassian couldn’t help but watch. He’d thought about it after he’d left yesterday, but still had no idea why someone so young and beautiful would work in a boring, dead-end job like this. Or how she’d come to run the place, despite being the youngest librarian he’d ever seen. 

He shook his head, continuing to follow her her down a set of stairs, a narrow hallway, and into the room at the end. 

She strode on through, but Cassian paused in the doorway. The room was covered in dirt and dust and cobwebs, stacked floor to ceiling with boxes overflowing with books. Empty shelves stood along the walls, the middle space being taken up by the mountain of boxes.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

She ignored him. “Books go on the shelves. Cleaning closet is across the hall.”

“What the hell’s the point? They obviously haven’t been touched in years.” The thought of going through all of them made him growl. 

“They’re books that have been taken out of circulation. We don’t throw them away.”

Cassian muttered, “Pack rats.”

The librarian rolled her eyes, striding for the door and gesturing for him to move.

He shook his head. “What’s your name?”

“Move.”

“Nope.” He had no idea why he wanted to know, but calling her the librarian was getting old. 

A flash of something in her eyes. It looked like panic, but it was too quick to read properly. “My name is Nesta. Now move.”

He just stuck out his hand, smiling. “So good to meet you, Nes-”

The vile woman grabbed his hand, twisted it so hard he almost fell to his knees, and pulled him out of the doorway. “Asshole,” she muttered, smacking the back of his head for emphasis as she strode by him. 

By the time his breathing returned to normal and the ache in his now-sore wrist dulled, she was gone. 

It seemed as if little miss Nesta was trying to make him miserable. Probably so he’d quit and she didn’t have to deal with him anymore. 

He grinned, eyeing the monstrous stack of dusty books once more. You’re going to have to try a lot harder than that, Nesta, baby.

~Nesta~

Nesta smiled as she headed down to the basement fifty minutes later. She made her footsteps quiet, hoping to catch him sitting on his ass. If she was being honest, she couldn’t wait to see how miserable he was. 

It made her a terrible person, but she didn’t fight it. 

Nesta peered around the corner. 

And lost every thought of malice in her head. 

The room was pristine. And that was putting it lightly. The shelves were shining, filled with clean books, the floors still wet from being mopped. Hell, even the ceiling looked like it had been scrubbed down. 

Cassian stood in the corner, the last box of books on his shoulder, and said to her, “You guys invest in way too many books on the Civil War.”

Nesta forced herself to sound unimpressed, bored even. “They’re the most requested. But new ones come out every year with different information, so we have to replace them.”

He hummed, turning around to face her, that stupid little smile on his lips.

Apparently done with the box, he took it between two hands and crushed it, the motion making the muscles in his arms bunch together. 

She looked around the room again, and his smile widened proudly. So Nesta just sighed and said, “Put the boxes out back in recycling, and you’re free to go.”

He managed to only look a little disappointed as he grabbed the rest of the boxes, then walked in front of her up the stairs. She sat behind her desk as he went outside, taking a sip of her smoothie. 

Which she almost spit everywhere as a smooth voice said from behind her ear, “That, by the way, is how you sneak up on someone. See you tomorrow, baby.”

She swirled around to strangle him, but he was already walking away, hands in the hair in mock surrender. 

Oh, she was going to kill him. Or at least make his life miserable. Let the games begin, baby. 

________________________________________________________________

PART 2 will be out Thursday :) I promise it gets a lot more interesting. Let me know in my asks if you want to be tagged! 

@bamchickawowow

[punchdrunkdoc]

Updated K-Drama list (8)

After almost a year of watching KDramas, I’ve finally found a show that has knocked CLOY off the top spot!

The GREAT:

1. Its Ok To Not Be Okay - NEW ENTRY

A children’s author with antisocial personality disorder becomes obsessed with a handsome (but closed-off) carer in a mental health hospital. 

I could (and already have) written loads about this show - it became my all-encompassing obsession for the 8 weeks it was on telly. I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! I had a feeling only 1 episode in that it might become my all-time favourite K-drama, and I was right. The quality never dropped for a moment, and it absolutely nailed the ending. 

I pretty much love everything about it - the whimsical, fairytale-esque tone, the music, the costumes, the supporting characters, the side plots exploring different mental health issues, the humour, the set design, even the opening credits!

The two leads are so beautiful with SO MUCH chemistry that you could watch them read a phone book and it would be hot. But it became a real three-hander of a show, with the male lead’s autistic brother forming an integral part of the relationship dynamic. 

Honestly, I can’t do this show justice with such a short review - just WATCH IT!!

Male lead: Soooo handsome, quiet and compassionate but with a steel core; it’s so fun watching him come out of his shell. Actor also seen in (AASI): My Love from a Star (honestly, he didn’t make much of an impression in that show, but he was amazing in this - he conveys so much emotion with the most subtle facial movements)

Female lead: Absolutely fascinating; so wounded and vulnerable, but projecting this awesome, no-fucks-given, blunt-as-hell exterior. Actress also seen in (AASI): Lawless Lawyer, Hwarang (minor character)

2. Crash Landing on You

He’s from North Korea. She’s from South Korea. They never should have met, but they’ll change each other’s lives.

This was my first K-drama, and although it’s been knocked off the top spot, it’s still fantastic. Its the full package - the entire cast of characters is great, the lead romance is ANGSTALICIOUS and its genuinely, laugh out loud funny (when its not making you cry or swoon). I’ve since discovered that they had a North Korean defector as a consultant working on the show, so apparently the NK scenes are fairly accurate which is SUPER interesting.

Male lead: Officially the best boyfriend ever - absolutely nails the small, romantic gestures. AASI: Hyde, Jekyll & Me.

Female lead: Smart, sassy, and funny. I love her.

3. Healer

The lives, and pasts, of a hot shot reporter, a spunky young tabloid journalist and a mysterious thief-for-hire intersect.

I ADORE this show and its so rewatchable. The plot was tight and engaging, and this is one of the few shows I’ve watched where there didn’t seem to be a lot of filler. The central 3 characters are great, and the romance was amazing. I especially loved that the male lead started off such a brooding loner, but he became super-affectionate as soon as he admitted his feelings. So many good hugs and lots of face-cradling in this one. There’s also a great riff on the Superman/Clark Kent dynamic which was fun!

Male lead: Effortlessly beats up 2 henchmen while comforting his girl over the phone. What more do you need? AASI: The K2, Suspicious Partner, Melting me softly, Backstreet Rookie

Female lead: She doesn’t let her vulnerabilities stop her from getting the story or being with the man she loves. AASI: What’s wrong with secretary Kim, I’ll go to you when the weather is nice, Her private life

4. Itaewon Class

A young man’s life is forever altered when he runs afoul of a powerful family.

This felt like a big step up in quality from everything else in this list, in terms of the production, soundtrack (which was brilliant), the lack of annoying sound effects, and just the overall ‘real world’ feel of the show. All of the characters were fleshed out and 3-dimensional, and they all had their ‘moment’ to shine. The story itself was gripping and so well done - some of the twists and reveals had me gasping! And what can I say about the 2 leads? I love them, both separately, and together. He is so wise beyond his years, and his journey will break your heart and inspire you. She is borderline sociopathic, but I adore her.

Male lead: Tenacious, principled, kind, innocent, caring, driven, loyal…and he can cook! AASI: What’s wrong with secretary Kim, Fight for my way, Hwarang

Female lead: One of the most original Kdrama female characters I’ve seen. Plus she retains her agency all the way through, which is (unfortunately) not always the case with these shows. 

5. W - Two worlds

A surgeon gets sucked into the world of her father’s webtoon when the main character’s life is threatened.

This was a WILD ride! The first 4 episodes barrelled through plot at an amazing rate and certain events happen in episode 5 that had me wondering how the show could even continue! But it did…and the plot just got more insane! I loved this show SO much. It kept me guessing, had me on the edge of my seat, and even had room for some of my favourite romance tropes. The central relationship was great, and (because of the insane plot) you basically get 2 love stories for the price of 1. I’ve already watched this whole show again, which is why I’ve bumped it up the ratings a bit!

Male lead: Just a really, really cool guy. Can’t think of how else to describe him! Always in control, calm, unflappable, analysing the situation….but he can break out the cocky charm when needed. AASI: While you were sleeping, Doctor Stranger

Female lead: I really liked her - she had more agency than a lot of other female heroines and I really related to her freaked-out panic in the beginning when she didn’t feel like she was a capable enough doctor to save a life.

6. While you were sleeping

Not to be confused with the Sandra Bullock rom-com from the 90s. Instead, this is about a young woman who can dream the future who has her fate changed by a young prosecutor who suddenly develops the same ability

I was thoroughly and utterly charmed by this show. Everything was so beautifully done - from the cinematography, to the music (OMG the music!), even the title cards were interesting and quirky. The characters were all great - the main leads are so sweet and relatable, the second lead is cute-as-a-button, the villain is properly hissable, and none of the supporting characters/extras annoyed me! The storyline itself was brilliant, with so many great set-ups, pay-offs and twists, and the romance was lovely.

Male lead: A bit of a hot mess of a human being (basically, the polar opposite of his character in W!)…but all the more loveable for it. AASI: W: 2 worlds, Doctor stranger.

Female lead: Smart, sweet, loyal (I really loved her relationship with her mum) and quietly brave.

7. Descendants of the Sun

A special forces Captain meets a capable and beautiful trauma surgeon. They feel an instant bond, but their jobs and philosophy on life get in the way, threatening to tear them apart.

I absolutely LOVE the male lead character, and the romance in this was beautiful. Plus its chock-full of CompetencePorn, with lots of scenes of people being really, really good at their jobs (this is one of my favourite things!). However, it didn’t quite nail the angst, and the last minute was a bit twee which dropped it down the rankings a bit.

Male lead: A cocky, charming, absolute BADASS with the most adorable, cheeky smile.

Female lead: Sweet and a bit out of her depth in the dangerous situations…but put her in charge of a patient and watch her go!

8. Love in the Moonlight / Moonlight Drawn by Clouds

A young woman poses as a eunuch in the Royal Palace and falls in love with the Crown Prince

This was the first period piece I watched and it’s still my favourite - almost entirely because of the male lead and his beautiful face! The start had a really light, comedic tone (and a lot of modern anachronisms - high fives everywhere!) and I loved all the identity-concealing hi-jinks. But then the romance kicked into gear and the DELICIOUS angst started flowing, and I became obsessed with it. It’s like loads of bits of my favourite regency historical romances were mashed up and transported to the Joseon Dynasty. I loved it so much!

Male lead: Manages to look amazingly handsome despite all the period headgear, kicks ass with a sword, and doesn’t allow himself to be manipulated by the corrupt officials surrounding him. Also acts like an adorable goofball when he’s in love.

Female lead: Loved her at the start - she’s scrappy and independent and capable. Unfortunately, becomes too much of a plot device by the end. AASI: Backstreet Rookie

9. I’ll Go to You When the Weather is Nice / I’ll Find You on a Beautiful Day

A cellist disillusioned with life in Seoul returns to her small home town for the winter.

This was achingly sweet and wonderful. The slow unfolding of the story, the beautiful scenery, and the simple yet moving score all combine to make this feel like the type of small town contemporary romance novel I love to read on a rainy day in front of a fire. Whilst long-held, painful secrets are eventually revealed, there is no massive conflict involved, with no antagonist or over-wrought external drama. Its just the tale of two sad, lonely people who have withdrawn from the world forming a connection with each other and trying to overcome their issues (she has a fear of abandonment; he’s a loner who has a tendency to disappear). As a bonus, there’s a bookclub with a wonderful cast of secondary characters - I wanted to spend more time with all of them.

Male Lead: Precious Cinnamon Roll, to be protected at all costs. AASI: Are you human too

Female lead: Wears her heart on her sleeve. Refreshingly, she’s the instigator of the relationship and isn’t the usual passive, coy female. AASI: What’s wrong with secretary Kim, Healer, Her private life

10. Goblin

A 900yr old immortal guardian finally meets the ‘bride’ who will end his existence

Once I got over the slight ick-factor of the age difference between the two characters at the beginning, I really fell for this show and it’s world. It had me in floods of tears at some points, and it was laugh out loud funny at others. I especially loved the secondary character of the Grim Reaper and his reluctant bromance with the Goblin.

Male lead: Surprising innocent and funny for a 900 year old

Female lead: Also innocent, but in some ways wise beyond her years. Her tears will make you cry (the actress is very good at sobbing her heart out!). AASI: The King, eternal monarch

11. What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim

An personal assistant decides to quits her job in order to get a life. Her boss has other ideas.

This was my first Park Seo Joon drama, and he’s great in it. He somehow turns a self-centred, entitled and vain boss into an endearing character! The central romance is amazing - I can rewatch their scenes again and again - and its a bit more mature than some of the others on this list (be sure to check out the extended scene!!). It has some of the best kisses in Kdrama.

Male lead: Like I said, somehow makes vanity and narcissism endearing. Also not afraid to get his shirt off and flash his 6-pack. Bonus. AASI: Itaewon Class, Fight for my way, Hwarang

Female lead: I’m a sucker for uber-competent people so I loved this character. Park Min Young has become one of my favourites, and she is STUNNING in this. AASI: I’ll go to you when the weather is nice, Healer, Her private life

12. Legend of the Blue Sea

A mermaid comes onto land to find the man she loves

The (literal) fish-out-of-water scenes in the first half of this show were hilarious - the actress is a comic genius! The romance was nicely done, and there wasn’t a lot of extraneous plot or too many characters. It also nicely incorporates scenes from the Joseon era, so you get a partial historical romance thrown in for free!

I couldn’t stop watching this one and I’ve since rewatched it too! Definitely one to check out.

Male lead: Cocky, arrogant conman with a soft mushy centre. AASI: The King, Eternal monarch, Heirs.

Female lead: Steals the show - funny, smart and beautiful. AASI: My love from the Star.

13. Into the Ring/The Ballot - NEW ENTRY

An out-of-work young woman decides to run for office and faces all sorts of challenges in her quest to right some wrongs and earn a living.

This show has one of my favourite ever female characters - she’s headstrong, hard working, and quick to violence but so cute and charming with the most adorable laugh! She tries to act all cynical (that she’s only in it for the money) but she is actually really caring and kind. I sooo wanted her to succeed against the establishment of corrupt assholes that she worked with. Seeing her become disillusioned with politics and her colleagues was heartbreaking, and watching her fight back was great.

Her dynamic with the male lead was also great - he’s quietly in awe of her even when he’s exasperated and borderline scared of her.  And he’s super supportive. It was so much fun watching her drag him out of his monotonous, dull life. They also weren’t stingy with the PDA which was so refreshing.

On a superficial level, the show was also visually interesting, with loads of cool angles and blue lens flare. And the overall light, funny tone made it so watchable. 

Male lead: Adorkable

Female lead: The literal embodiment of sunshine and determination. I have a bit of a crush on her!

14. The King: Eternal Monarch

The reigning King of the Kingdom of Corea discovers a gateway to a parallel world - the Republic of Korea

This is the first drama I’ve watched in ‘real time’ but I think it would work better as a binge - there are a LOT of characters, and many have dopplegangers (because of the parallel world thing) so it became hard to keep track of who was who. I also think the progression of the romance is better appreciated in a binge (I wrote about it here - ignore the speculation; i got it so wrong LOL!). Unfortunately, the plot also had major holes in it (the ‘rules’ for the gateway/magical flute didn’t make sense) and It was difficult at times to differentiate Corea from Korea - a major failing of the editing.  

Buuuuuut, it still made my ‘Great’ list because all of those issues were outweighed by the sheer epicness of this show. The gorgeous sets, the dramatic scenery, the ANGST-filled, beautiful romance…at one point the King rides a majestic white horse into battle with a sword on a neon-lit highway to save the woman he loves. I mean, come on! Plus, its really funny - the ‘fish out of water’ scenes when the King first arrives in Korea, the chalk and cheese dopplegangers Yeong and Eun-Seob, the King’s constant threats of beheading…I loved those elements so much!

Male lead:  Gives Ri Jeong-Hyeok from CHOY a run for his money in the ‘Best Boyfriend’ competition.  AASI: Legend of the blue sea, Heirs.

Female lead: A bad-ass cop. Takes a while to believe Lee Gon’s story, but once she decides to go all in…she goes all in, and loves unreservedly with her whole heart. AASI: Goblin

15. Tomorrow with you 

A time-traveller struggling to live in the present meets a woman trying to let go of her past.

This reminded me a bit of ‘I’ll go to you when the weather is nice’ in terms of the melancholic tone, the simple but effective music, and the beautiful lighting etc. There were also some really interesting, innovative shots which I appreciated.

It took a few episodes to get into and it was a bit frustrating in the middle - so much could have been solved if people just TALKED to each other!! Plus the rules for this version of time travel weren’t really clear…But the last few episodes were brilliant; the way the story came together, and all the little bits of set up were paid off was really well done. These episodes alone were enough to bump this up to the ‘Great’ category (especially, given there was a bit of a Lake House vive at one point - I’m a sucker for that movie. The romance was also beautifully portrayed; I could endlessly watch their domestic scenes - they had such good chemistry and banter.

Male lead: Absolutely, but endearingly, terrible at relationships. He ends up falling in love against his will and largely without realising it.

Female lead: A bit of a mess and a borderline alcoholic, but so cute and innocent. I love the way she talks to herself, she’s so funny! AASI: Oh My Venus

16. Fight for my Way

Two life-long friends decide to go after their dreams

I fast-forwarded large chunks of this (I wasn’t interested in the secondary couple at all), but it still made my ‘Great’ list because this is one of the best friends-to-lovers stories I’ve seen. You truly buy that these 2 have known each other their entire lives (their  bickering and teasing feels so natural). And then when they take the next step, they’re so affectionate and refreshingly open with their feelings. Speaking of which, this also has some great kissing scenes (Park Seo Joon is the master!)

Male lead: I love his contradictions. He’s goofy and childish…but can really turn on the sexy charm; he’s a badass MMA fighter…who loves when his girlfriend sticks up for him and protects him. AASI: What’s wrong with secretary Kim, Itaewon class, Hwarang

Female lead: Takes no shit from anyone and will fight for her man! AASI: Descendants of the sun (secondary character)

17. Suspicious Partner

A young, hardworking lawyer has her life turned upside down when she is put on trial for murder.

This was officially bumped up the list a while ago, and I stand by the decision. Its still overly long, but the serial killer plot had some nice twists and it was central to the story, so it didn’t feel extraneous like some of these types of plots do. Mainly, I just loved the central romance - the 2 characters sparked off each other so well and I loved their evolution from sort-of enemies to lovers. This is another show where I can endlessly rewatch their scenes together.

Male lead: Its Ji Chang Wook! He’s so good at playing serious guys who are secretly big dorks. AASI: Healer, The K2, Melting me softly, Backstreet Rookie

Female lead: Fate deals her a shitty hand, but she perseveres with grace and determination. She’s great. AASI: Shopaholic Louis, 100 days my prince.

The GOOD:

1. I Am Not a Robot

A man who is allergic to human contact finds companionship with a robot…or does he?

I honestly thought I wouldn’t make it passed a couple of episodes of this - the concept was just too ridiculous. But I’m glad I persevered, because it developed some real depth and some proper good angst towards the end and I LOVED the central relationship. I’ve rewatched loads of this one.

Actress ASI: Piece of Your Mind;  Love in the moonlight (secondary character)

2. I Remember You - NEW ENTRY

A famous criminal profiler gatecrashes the investigation of a serial killer, hoping it will restore the missing memories of his childhood trauma

I really liked the set up of this - the lead character is introduced like a young Sherlock Holmes (the music even reminded me of the score for the BBC Sherlock series). The super-observant, socially awkward thing kind of dropped off as the series progressed, but I still enjoyed how the plot developed, especially with Park Bo-Gum’s character; I’ve only ever seen him play innocent cutie-pies, so this role was a bit of a surprise!

The female lead was like an anime character come to life (she was petite and cute with enormous eyes), but I also loved her personality; she was tenacious, and dogged and took no shit from anyone. She had a cute, antagonistic relationship with the profiler at the start (which I loved) which eventually led to some really sweet, touching moments. 

Actor ASI: Shopping King Louis

3. Hotel del Luna 

A hotel for wandering spirits gets a new human manager - and he forms a surprising connection to the enigmatic 1300 year old owner

If I had to describe this show in one word it would be ’lavish’. It’s a feast for the eyes - from the set design, to the costumes, to the CGI views of the hotel towering over the moon-lit Seoul cityscape, its stunning. It also plays with aspect ratios in a cool way (watch for the shots where the action spills over into the black bars top and bottom of the screen).

In terms of the characters, I really liked IU in this; her character may be uncaring, world-weary, and money-hungry, but she’s also immensely charming. I admit I got more platonic vibes with her and the male lead, but I still liked their relationship. I also really liked the stories of the ghosts passing through (some reduced me to tears with very little screen time) and there were a couple of GREAT cameos. Especially the one at the very end - I want more of him, please!!

Actress ASI: Scarlet heart

4. My Holo Love

A lonely woman falls for a holographic AI and then meets his creator…

I love the concept of this show (I’m a big sci-fi nerd), and I think this stayed in my ‘favourite’ list for so long because it was the first Kdrama of this genre that I saw. I still love it - especially because of how beautifully it’s shot, and how well the story comes together - but I’m not dying to rewatch any of it, unlike all the others shows that are now on the ‘great’ list.

5. Extraordinary You

A high school student discovers she’s a supporting character in a comic book

The plot of this was so cool, and the way the comic story played out interspersed with the characters ‘real lives’ was really well done. Plus the central couple were so adorable. It dragged in the middle section (several versions of the same conversations were had, and the same exposition was spelled out multiple ways for no apparent reason) which kept it out of my favourite list, but it redeemed itself with some good angst at the end, and it had a really lovely ‘epilogue’.

AASI: A couple of the secondary male leads have a mini-reunion in ‘I’ll go to you when the weather is nice’!

6. Just Between Lovers - NEW ENTRY

Three people impacted by a tragic shopping mall collapse start working on a building project together, unaware of their shared past.

I absolutely adore the male lead in this - he is the archetypal tortured hero (I constantly wanted to give him a hug and a warm meal). He’s also wonderfully romantic in his own, straightfoward, no-nonsense way. The female lead was really likeable - l love capable women and she is the definition of that (she even drives a lorry at one point!). There’s a lot of pain and angst in this show, with very little levity, but it strangely never felt heavy. I really liked it. 

Actress ASI: Melting me Softly

7. Strong Girl Bong-Soon

A woman with inherited super-strength gets a job as a bodyguard for an eccentric young CEO

The lead couple in this are AD-OR-ABLE and I loved their relationship. But there was a weird tone issue in this show. The romance is super cute…but there’s a whole dark sub plot involving multiple women being held captive by a psychopath, and a really grating cast of ‘bad guy’ extras. I ended up fast forwarding most of that, and just concentrated on the romance - If someone could do a supercut of all their scenes, I would watch it on a loop.

Actor ASI: Hwarang, Heirs (minor character)

8. 30 but 17/Still 17 - NEW ENTRY

A 17 year old girl gets into an accident and wakes from a coma 13 years later.

I was worried going into this that the romance (between a 30 year old man and (essentially) a 17 year old girl) would feel icky and uncomfortable. But the writers made the wise choice of creating a 30 year old man with the emotional maturity of a 17 year old. He is so awkward and unworldly, that they actually work really well together. In fact, I loved their relationship. The secrets in this show took faaaar too long to be revealed, which made me worried that the eding would be too rushed, but there was actually time for a nice ‘epilogue’. Plus, all the supporting characters were great (including the wonderfully weird housekeeper Jennifer) and the cutest dog in the world was in this. So I definitely recommend it.  

9. Mystic Pop-up Bar - NEW ENTRY

As punishment for past sins, a woman must solve the grudges of 100,000 people by entering their dreams

This was an unexpected delight. I started watching it after spotting a cute gifset on tumblr (which I didn’t realise contained huge spoilers!). The story and tone is (mostly) light and quirky, and I particularly enjoyed the worldbuilding - the banal bureaucracy of the afterlife in this even reminds me a bit of The Good Place. I’m a sucker for a ‘found family’ theme and this one was done really nicely. It also had 2 main ships - one really cute and innocent, the other took me by surprise with how moving it was. Similarly, some of the episode-specific stories and characters (i.e. the individual grudges) made me tear up.  

10. 100 days my prince

A Prince loses his memory during an assassination attempt and ends up living as a peasant for 100 days.

Another period piece; the plots of these seem a little repetitive (Crown prince’s life is threatened by scheming Minister) but the  central cast and the romance usually makes up for it. Same for this show - I really enjoyed watching the spoiled, grumpy puppy of a Prince try to cope with manual labour, and the female lead was capable, and endearing.

Actress ASI: Suspicious partner, Shopaholic Louis

11. Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo

A young talented weightlifter experiences first love

Honestly, I wasn’t sold on this at first; the female lead was a bit much (lot of gurning and over-acting) and there was a weird disconnect between how she was described (big, overweight, manly, unfeminine) and how she actually looked (thin and beautiful!). But the back half of this show saved it; her relationship with Joon-Hyung was sooooo cute. He is adorable, and they were both so supportive of each other’s dreams. I finished this with a big smile on my face.

Actor ASI: Bride of the Water God, Scarlet heart (tertiary character)

12. Are You Human Too

A mother separated from her son builds a robotic replacement. Decades later, he has to take the place of the ‘real’ son.

I loved the evolution of the robot in this - it never went the way of a full Pinnochio story, but it was fun to see him learning about the real world and how humans interact. It also posed some interesting questions - what does it mean to be human? And how would you react if you were ‘replaced’ by an artificial version?  

The actor in this was fantastic. The way he could change from the real Nam Shin to Nam Shin III with the most subtle shifts in posture and facial expression was really impressive. It took me longer to warm to the female lead, and by the end she was given very little to do…but her unflinching support and unconditional love for Nam Shin III won me over.  Some of the supporting characters didn’t work for me, and it was far too long…but worth a watch for the lead actor’s performance. Plus, Nam Shin III is an absolute cutie-pie.

Actor ASI: I’ll go to you when the weather is nice

13. Shopaholic Louis/ Shopping King Louis

The young, shopaholic heir to a large department store empire loses his memory and has to live as a poor man 

The male lead in this is an absolute puppy dog and I ADORE him. He squeals when he sees bugs, he can’t run to save his life, and he’s the type of guy who will punch someone and immediately apologise and ask if they’re ok. He’s spoilt, entitled, demanding and has no concept of the value of money…but thanks to the actor portraying him, he just comes across as innocent, sweet and lonely (he spends all his time shopping and accumulating stuff because they fills up his empty life). The female lead is just a really nice, kind person; at first Louis seems like he’ll be just one more burden she needs to take care of, but he makes it clear from the start that she can count on him to help her too - something she’s never had before. Their relationship develops so naturally and thoroughly that you cant help but feel they are perfect for each other. I watched this with a big smile on my face.

Actor ASI: I Remember You

Actress ASI: Suspicious partner, 100 days my prince

14. Oh My Venus 

The previously much-lusted after ‘Venus of Daegu’ fulfilled her dream of becoming a lawyer - but she gained weight and lost her self esteem in the process. 

I adored the female lead - she was so relentlessly bright and optimistic that you couldn’t help but love her and root for her. I was a bit worried going in that there was going to be a lot of fat-shaming, but the male lead made it clear that he was more interested in her internal health than her external appearance (and you could tell he started to fall for her when she was chubby, so it wasn’t superficial in that way). I wasn’t expecting for him to become so much of the focus in the second half of the show (I thought he was just going to be a hunky trainer;  I should have known better - in a Kdrama there is always a Tragic Backstory looming!). Their relationship was so natural and cute - the bit with the dimples never got old - and overall, this was a fun, easy watch.

Actress ASI: Tomorrow with you. 

Actor ASI: My secret Terrius, Master’s sun.

15. A Piece of your Mind - NEW ENTRY

A classical music recording engineer meets an AI designer.

I struggled to sum-up the concept of this in one sentence, because the ‘plot’ is so arbitrary (and the AI stuff makes no sense whatsoever!). It’s really more of a mood piece - the lighting, the music and the performance combine to make this a strangely ethereal show, dealing with unrequited love, grief and the importance of human connection. It’s slow and contemplative and a little odd in its structure (there’s very little set-up, so you feel like you’ve been dropped into episode 3 of an established show). This may put some people off, but I really liked it. 

I started watching it because of the leads (who I’ve loved in other shows) and they didn’t disappoint. She is so kind and lovely; he’s a little odd - like a robot learning about life. But their relationship is so beautiful (it even included one of my favourite niche tropes: insomniacs who can only sleep around each other). 

Apparently the episode run was cut down from 16 to 12 because of poor ratings, which is a real shame because i think a bit more time was needed to really sell the female lead’s emotional arc. It all felt a little rushed at the end, but I still enjoyed it, and admired that it tried something a little unconventional. 

Actor ASI: While you were sleeping (secondary lead).

Actress ASI: I am Not a Robot; Love in the moonlight (secondary character)

16. Rookie Historian - NEW ENTRY

An independent, educated woman choses to become one of the first female court historians, rather than get married.

This show had a really interesting premise and I enjoyed watching the rookie female historians navigate court-life (battling workplace harassment, misogyny and patriarchal values) and developing a real friendship with each other. 

The female lead was fantastic - she was headstrong, pragmatic, unapologetically intelligent, a lover of books and a hater of injustice. She shared that love of books with the male lead, who was sensitive, soft-spoken, and innocent. The ultimate beta hero, who’s romantic fantasies involved him feeding her cookies and fanning her while she sleeps! 

Their romance took a backseat for a lot of the show, but I didn’t mind as the plot was exploring interesting topics such as intruders from the West, catholicism, and censorship, etc.

Actor ASI: My ID is Gangnam Beauty

Actress ASI: Bride of Habaek

17. Tempted/The Great Seducer - NEW ENTRY

In an act of revenge, a wealthy heir makes a bet with his friends to seduce a hardworking female college student 

10 minutes into this I started to get major Cruel Intentions vibes…which made sense when I found out it was also an adaptation of Dangerous Liaisons! It doesn’t have the dark edge or overt sexuality of Cruel Intentions (which is one of my favs) but its still good - mainly due to the male lead. I ADORED him in TKEM and he’s really good here. I’m a sucker for the ‘bad boy falls in love for the first time’ trope and he played it so well. The female lead was also good - she was self-aware, strong, intelligent and took no shit. I was less interested by the love affairs of the adults around them, but overall it was a good show. 

Actor ASI: TKEM (secondary character)

18. My Love from the Star

Alien stranded on earth meets an actress soon before he’s due to be rescued.

It took a couple of goes to get into this one, but I’m glad I finally watched the  whole thing (the female lead was initially very irritating, but she improved a lot).  I enjoyed the present-day romance and all the flashes back to the past. However, the ending was really abrupt and disappointing (which kept it out of my favourite list). There should have been 1 less filler episode in the middle, and a decent, fleshed out finale instead.

Actor ASI: Its ok to not be ok. 

Actress ASI: Legend of the blue sea

19. Because this is my First Life

A rational-to-a-fault software designer and an aspiring screenwriter come up with an unconventional way to solve their housing problem

When I started this, I thought it was going to be all light and fluffy (the main character’s job in the beginning was to insert the product placement in Korean dramas - hello, Red Ginseng! - which I found hilarious and meta) but it had a surprisingly melancholic tone throughout and touched on issues of workplace harassment and gender roles. I didn’t warm to the male lead until right at the end (which was probably partly intentional - he’s very remote and closed off) but overall I found the story quite lovely. Plus it had a really great central female friendship and their conversations actually passed the Bechdel test!

20. My shy boss / Introverted boss

An extroverted actress takes a job at a PR company working for a man with crippling shyness

This was another deceptive show; I thought from the title and the synopsis that it would just be a light opposites attract comedy about an introverted man and an extroverted woman. But I was almost in tears by the second episode when the Tragic Backstory came to light, and we saw the full extent of the Boss’ struggles to communicate with other human beings. He has such a rich, funny, and smart inner monologue, and the way he overthinks every interaction is really endearing…which makes the contrast with his silent and withdrawn external persona all the more stark and heartbreaking. You really root for him to find happiness. This was overly long (a common pitfall with these shows) and there was some distracting shaky camera work in some of the close ups. There were also implications early on about workplace sexual harassment and possibly dubious consent in a one night stand which were dropped, leaving a bit of a sour note.  Despite that, it was overall fairly enjoyable and has one of the cutest confession scenes!

The OK

1. The K2

An ex-mercenary takes a job as a bodyguard protecting the illegitimate daughter of a politician. A sort-of Snow White retelling.

This started off really well; there are some amazing fight sequences (hello, shower room scene!) and JCW has never been hotter - its worth watching for him alone. However, the back half became really bogged down in double crosses and manipulations, and it focussed too much on the politicians. The writers did well to give these characters some layers, but they were all essentially doing bad things for the wrong reasons, and I just didn’t care about them. The show was much better when it was following K2’s journey. The romance also started off well, but was a bit underdeveloped (mainly because they barely interacted).

Actor ASI: Healer, suspicious partner, Backstreet rookie, Melting me softly

2.Bride of Habaek / Bride of the Water God

A God of the Land of Water visits the human realm to fulfil a task before ascending to his throne. He enlists the help of a ‘divine servant’, a down-on-her-luck psychiatrist.

I started this because I liked the lead actor. His baby-face can’t quite pull off the intensity needed for this role, but he was still cute as the arrogant, imperious God brought low by his circumstances - no money, house, powers or (most importantly to him) driving license. I also liked the female lead - she so desperately wanted to hide her kind, compassionate heart from a world that had battered and bruised her. There were some good individual scenes (especially the 'confession’ moment, which was just lovely), but the show ran out of steam towards the end, and ultimately felt like a waste of potential.

Actor ASI: Weightlifting fairy Kim Bok-joo

Actress ASI: Rookie Historian

3. Her Private Life

A talented art curator tries to keep her professional persona separate from her fangirl obsession with a pop idol.

This was cute and I loved the central relationship - he was so supportive of her, and their interactions were refreshingly mature and their banter felt really natural. Ultimately, it was a bit forgettable (I’m not dying to rewatch any of it), and the last minute tacked-on childhood trauma subplot was really unnecessary.

Actress ASI: Healer, Whats wrong with secretary kim, I’ll go to you when the weather is nice.

4. Touch Your Heart

Star actress rocked by scandal works at a law firm to prepare for her comeback role

This starred the secondary couple from Goblin and I really like them, even though they are playing very different characters in this (more opposites attract, than doomed lovers). It’s a bit too ‘cutesy’ and I had to fast forward a lot of the secondary romances which I wasn’t invested in.

5. My Secret Terrius

A secret agent on the run gets embroiled in the life of his next door neighbour - a mum of young twins.

The romance in this was underwhelming; the two characters ended in a really cute place, but it felt like set up for a story I probably would have liked more than this one. In saying that, this was still a relatively enjoyable watch; the female lead was great - she was constantly underestimated as ‘just a housewife’ but she was smarter, and more determined and resourceful than the spies around her. The male lead’s interactions with the twins were adorable, and there was a good cast of supporting characters. However, I’ve already pretty much forgotten the main espionage plot!

Actor ASI: Oh My Venus

6. Lawless Lawyer

A gangster-turned-lawyer moves to Gisung to take on corruption with the help of a suspended female attorney

I liked this more at the beginning; it reminded me a bit of Itaewon Class, with a charismatic lead, an intricately plotted revenge scheme that the audience only becomes aware of as the series progresses, and a take-no-shit female lead who was introduced hitting an authority figure! However, it never really gripped me (it took me weeks to finish) and a couple of the villains were overacting and hamming it up all over the place.  But I loved the two leads, and their relationship was good, despite feeling a bit rushed. 

Actor ASI: Scarlet Heart

Actress ASI: Its ok to not be ok, Hwarang (tertiary character)

7. 1% of Something - NEW ENTRY

To gain his inheritance, an arrogant, aloof CEO has to enter into a marriage contract with a sweet primary school teacher.

I liked how streamlined this was: it was just a show about two people who fall in love despite their best intentions. There was no overly complicated plot, and even the conflict that keeps them apart towards the end felt very organic and unforced. 

She is a delightful ball of sunshine. He is a little overbearing but has his own charm. And bear with the bad haircut and appalling fashion sense - he improves at the end!

8. Melting Me Softly

Two people are accidentally cryogenically frozen for 20 years. They have to navigate the modern world and their new lives together.

Another good concept, but it ultimately descended into little more than a light work-place romance. Had a couple of good kissing scenes, but it was overall a bit forgettable.

Actor ASI: The K2, healer, suspicious partner, backstreet rookie

Actress ASI: Just Between Lovers

9. My Sassy Girl

A 'sassy’ princess meets an ambitious scholar in less than ideal circumstances…

I enjoyed the fact that this Joseon period drama focused on a Princess for a change, and not a prince. She came across as more 'obnoxious and immature’ than 'sassy’ in the beginning, but once it was made clear that she was actually a decent, kind person underneath, I soon warmed to her. I also liked the relationship with the male lead, which amounted to a pretty good enemies-to-lovers story. It took a bit of an unexpected turn right at the end, but my independent, feminine self was good with it. Overall, this was a pretty easy watch, but nothing special.

10. Hwarang

Follows a peasant who joins the newly-created Hwarang (Poet Warrior Youths in ancient Korea) to enact revenge for the death of his best friend

I enjoyed the scenes of the Hwarang hanging out and bonding - so many cute bromances in this! But I couldn’t really connect with the central story and romance, due to a major case of SLS (Second Lead Syndrome) - as much as I’m a fan of Park Seo-joon, I adore Park Hyung-sik, and I found his character, journey and relationship with the female lead much more compelling. The ending still managed to feel somewhat satisfying, but I won’t be rewatching any of it.

Actor ASI: Itaewon class, What’s wrong with secretary kim, Fight for my way

The BAD 

1. Hyde, Jekyll and Me

A woman becomes involved in the lives of 2 men, who share one body

Hyun Bin is sooo watchable in this, especially as the slick-haired, glasses-wearing, uptight Seo-Jin. And the show started well…but quickly went off the rails into a convoluted, dragged-out revenge plot. It was a bit of a slog to get through, to be honest.

Actor ASI: CLOY

2. Queen: Love and War

The long lost twin of a recently assassinated Queen assumes her identity to enter the Bridal selection to wed the resurrected King and seek revenge.

This was a bit of a mess (as you can tell from that synopsis!); it felt like the first few episodes were rushed through as a sort of ‘prologue’ before the main thrust of the story…but that prologue contained A LOT of plot with some major character revelations that were rapidly skimmed over (e.g. the female lead was introduced as having complete amnesia; but almost out of nowhere she casually mentions that she got all her memories back and now knows who she is). Because of this, it took me a while to get a sense of who the characters really were. A lot of the usual Joseon plot points played out (scheming ministers and untrustworthy queens) but it had some unique features - I especially enjoyed the bridal selection scenes and seeing the lead female outwitting her rivals in the various challenges. But ultimately, I fast forwarded a lot of this and it was pretty forgettable.

Actress ASI: Doctor Stranger. 

Actor ASI: Backstreet Rookie (secondary character)

3. Backstreet Rookie

A struggling young woman takes a part-time job at the convenience store run by her high school crush. 

I was really not a fan of this show, and probably would have stopped watching if it wasn’t for Kim Yoo-jung. Her character was really likeable - kickass, but vulnerable, and so loving and kind. You were really rooting for her throughout.  The show also had some interesting things to say about inequality (there was a lovely scene between the male leads’s parents in episode 10 touching on this theme)…but that’s about it for the positives. 

Overall, it was just too OTT and manic and most of the characters were barely more than cartoonish caricatures. One character was actually repulsive, and the fact that he got his own romantic subplot was just gross. I’m a big fan of Ji Chang-wook, but I didn’t like some of his acting choices in this, and his character spent far too long in a relationship with another woman, which meant the main romance felt underdeveloped. 

And…it ended without a kiss. I was so pissed off! I put up with 16 episodes of crap, expecting a decent pay-off at the end…but no. I wouldn’t recommend this one. 

Actress ASI: Love in the Moonlight

Actor ASI: Suspicious Partner, Healer, K2, Melting me Softly

The UNCLASSIFIABLE

Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo

A modern girl is transported 1000 years into the past where she becomes embroiled in the lives of the Royal Princes.

I honestly don’t know where I stand with this one! Did I love it? Did I hate it? I seriously don’t know!

I was reluctant to start this (I knew it didn’t have a happy ending) but I was told its a rite of passage for KDrama newbies to watch this show. And there were some great things about it - the male lead was amazing! So intense and tragic, with the most arresting face. The music was also GORGEOUS, as was the scenery - the whole production felt very sumptuous. The palace intrigue stuff was also more compelling than most of the other historic dramas I’ve seen. I recognised several of the Princes from other shows, and I became really invested in 3 of them…which made the constant threat of them betraying each other/killing each other AGONISING. This show was heavy on the Emotional Torture Porn, and some of it felt gratuitous, because I just didn’t understand the motivations behind some of the plot points/character’s actions.

I also wasn’t a big fan of the female lead; partly because the actress only seemed to have 2 facial expressions to work with, but partly because and any hints that she was a modern girl with modern sensibilities quickly disappeared. It was this independence and spunk that made all the princes fall for her (to varying degrees) but she lost all of that and it left me wondering why they bothered with the time travel aspect at all.

I finished the show feeling wrung out and with the overwhelming sense of “Why? What was the point of that?”

Buuuuuut…it has lingered with me - as @talenevertold said when we were discussing the show, “Nobody enjoys it in the process… but it leaves this unique bittersweet aftertaste…” and that’s absolutely true; and it probably true that this show IS a rite of passage that everyone should watch. But don’t say I didn’t warn you!

and...The MEH (i.e. DNF):

This list is getting long! I have a bit less patience with shows than I did in the beginning - there are so many to get through, so I’m not willing to waste my time on anything that either doesn’t grip me from a story perspective, is far too slow, has mediocre acting and/or is too soapy.

Master’s sun

Tale of Nokdu

The Heirs

Meow, the Secret Boy

Love Alarm

One Spring Night

Suits

Chocolate 

Doctor Stranger 

The scholar who walks the night 

If I’ve made a heinous mistake by dropping any of these - get in touch and plead the case for why i should give them another chance!

[scottspack]

My Wife Has An 18 Hour Drive Fic Rec Roundup

I wanted to make a fic rec post for the insane amount of Untamed fic ive been reading anyways, and Chi @got2ghost​ is driving halfway across the country tomorrow, so there’s no time like the present to put all of the really great fics ive read over the past couple of weeks in one location! Let’s get it poppin!

Ones That Chi Already Read:

A Lot of Edges Called Perhaps by hansbekhart (Wangxian, E, 21k)

The funny part is - and it is a little funny, even if Wei Wuxian has no one left to share the joke with - they never have. Not anything. He has never kissed any part of Lan Zhan besides his slim hands; never been even partially undressed with him anywhere besides a miserable, xuanwu-infested cave. It’s always been like this between them, this simmering need, this desperate understanding: a knowledge so deep that it lives somewhere in his bones, that if he wanted to have Lan Zhan he could have him, and if Lan Zhan wanted Wei Wuxian he could have that too. But they never have.

I found this fic on someone’s blog when they said that it was the definitive fic to read directly after finishing the series so i saved it, read it directly after finishing the series, and felt completely and wholly fulfilled by the resolution found in this fic. 10/10 cant recommend enough. 

One Rouge Spark In My Direction by hansbekhart (Lan Wangji/Xiao Xingchen/Song Lan E, 5k)

He’d thought, in Yueyang, that they’d seen something in each other, something familiar. That maybe they’d recognized something in him. But it’s been many years, and many things have happened since, and he’s guessed wrongly at other people’s hearts before. Lan Wangji looks back down at the table, at his steaming, bitter tea. He’ll beg if he has to.

In “A Lot Of Edges Called Perhaps” Wangji mentions that he has had sex before and this is the in-universe story of that time and WHEW BABY!!!! AHHHHHH!!!

Gathered Herbs & Sweet Grasses by hansbekhart (Laz Sizhui & Lan Wangji, G, 19k)

Later, when he’s older, it’s this that A-Yuan will remember most: the stretch of silence, the two of them both dirty and shaking with fever, as he looked at Brother Rich, and Brother Rich looked back at him.

This is a fic about Lan Wangji raising Sizhui from when he brings him back from the Burial Mounds until they bring Wuxian back to Cloud Recesses after he’s resurrected. It made me cry about 18 times and I consider it fully canon in relation to the show. I reread this fic at LEAST once a week. *chefs kiss*

Seldom All They Seem by Fahye (Wangxian, E, 25k)

or, one hundred and thirty-three principles of the Gusu Lan, pertaining to the state of marriage

***

He bows to Wei Wuxian, sword in hand, sleeves falling properly. Wei Wuxian bows in return, and the sect leaders begin the opening courtesies, and for all of ten minutes Lan Wangji is under the impression that he is betrothed to a boy who is perfectly normal and acceptable apart from an unfortunate tendency to fidget with his clothes.

That impression does not last.

A canon-divergent fic exploring “what if Wangji and Wuxian were betrothed from when they were young like Yanli and the peacock?” It’s extremely good and very compelling and also made me cry multiple times. (The confrontation in the rain doesn’t get any easier even if they’re betrothed!)

Half Cloak & Half Dagger by Fahye (Lan Xichen/Meng Yao, E, 13k)

Jin Guangyao lifts his head and smiles. "I'm considering a problem."

"Can I be of any assistance with it?"

He drops a kiss on Lan Xichen's chest. With the nail of one finger he lightly traces the characters for irony on Lan Xichen's side. "Not this one, er-ge."

In the “Seldom All They Seem” universe but focused on xiyao. Has hands down the best written characterization of meng yao in any fic ive read so far. I continuously come back to this fic just to read the absolutely genius way this author writes the Head Bitch In Control of the cultivation world.

Hurricane by gdgdbaby (Wangxian, E, 6k)

"Haven't you heard?" Nie Huaisang replied, clicking his tongue, though he was clearly pleased that he could be the one to break the news. He leaned in to announce with a dramatic flourish: "Lan Wangji just took emergency family leave this past weekend."

WANGXIAN AS SPIRK STAR TREK PON FAR AU!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEEWOO WEEWOO WEEWOO!!!!!!!! This was actually recced to ME by CHI and I have not stopped thinking about this fic for a full month. It’s like author gdgdbaby sat down one day and was like “Tumblr user Liv Scottspack deserves everything she wants in this life.” and then wrote this fic. Thank you author gdgdbaby, I love you.

Ones That Chi Has Yet To Read:

My Age Has Never Made Me Wise by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 63k)

“We hear that His Excellency might be married by summer’s end,” the merchant’s wife says and Wei Wuxian freezes, his heart in his throat. “The Gusu Lan sect has been buying enough red silk and brocade that the merchants in Caiyi can’t satisfy the demand.”

He feels himself grow brittle inside, like a flick of a finger to his temple might make him shatter. His ears are ringing.

“Who’s the lucky bride?” he asks despite himself. His tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth.

Or: The story of a marriage.

I LOVE THIS FIC. The absolute best kind of slow burn and I think such an extremely accurate representation of the canon material. I’m always surprised by the authors in this fandom’s ability to write shit that is so concretely grounded in the universe. This could and should be a real companion novel. Amazing. I love it.

The Year of Drought by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 24k)

Wei Ying could not be contained by the walls of the Cloud Recesses, alive again and overflowing with it, bursting like a dam in spring with the force of two lives unspent. And so he had to go. Lan Wangji understands that—he understood it when Wei Ying told him of his plans, looking at Lan Wangji above the rim of his cup with an apologetic smile, like craving freedom was something to apologize for.

Wei Ying would go, and Lan Wangji would see him off; this has always been the only way it could be.

Or: In the absence of Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji waits.

The previous fic but from Wangji’s perspective. Absolutely required reading if you read the other one. Wangji baby.......i love you.....

A Civil Combpaign by Ariaste (Jin Ling/Lan Sizhui, T, 20k)

“And,” said one of the pompous ministers, “there’s the matter of a marriage to consider as well!”

Jin Ling, who at the beginning of that sentence had expected to slam into the very last wall of his patience and lose his temper entirely, paused. “A what?”

Thing was… it wasn’t such a bad idea.

Jin Ling gets it in his head that as sect leader he should get married and sets his sights on Lan Sizhui. I cannot stress enough how FUCKING CUTE this fic is!!! Sizhui being the best boy! Jin Ling having more uncles than he knows what to do with! Jiang Cheng being the worst at relationship advice! It’s so fucking good it love it so much.

Anyway, Here’s Wuji by kakikaeru (Lan Jingyi/Lan Sizhui, T, 18k)

The melody gets a little clearer when he breaks out of the trees, and Jingyi changes course with certainty, barreling down the back hill and through the Cloud Recesses, dodging scandalized disciples left and right. He throws open the doors to the Receiving Hall without announcement and bows nearly double, eyes on the floor instead of on the shocked faces of the Mei delegation and the impenetrable gaze of the Chief Cultivator.

"Forgive this disciple," Jingyi shouts, because he's going to get punished for rule breaking regardless. "From the back hill, Hanguang-jun, there is a song in the wind!"

Lan Jingyi comes of age.

A Jingyi-central fic about Jingyi growing up and falling in love and being a hero and being the second best boy of my heart right after Sizhui. Not only is this fic sweet and romantic but it’s another one that explores a lot of interesting things within canon and all of the supporting characters are written very well and are just as interesting as second best boy Jingyi.

Ok, JiuJiu by kakikaeru (Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen, T, 16k)

Uncle's jaw works in the way that suggests he's about to say something irredeemable. Jin Ling, in a move of diplomacy he hopes the Chief Cultivator appreciates, distracts him with spicy food and his favourite subject: the incompetence of his own officials.

"I hear the lakes in the south east are having drainage problems?" he asks nonchalantly, sticking three big slices of braised pork belly into his Uncle's bowl.

Jin Ling just wants to get through the Discussion Conference with his Sect, his dignity, and his heart intact.

A follow up fic to “Anyways, Here’s Wuji.” I LOVE the Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen dynamic of Jin Ling having been raised by Jiang “I keep all my emotions right here and then one day I’ll die” Cheng being hopelessly charmed and smitten with Ouyang “President of the I Love Love Romance Novel Book Club” Zizhen! I LOVE IT! EXTREMELY CUTE!

This Side of Paradise by greenfionn (Wei Wuxian/Wen Qing, E, 3k)

Wei Wuxian does some very quick math in his head that goes something like this: He is pretty sure he’s in love with Lan Zhan - Lan Zhan is not here and likely never will be here - Wen Qing is here, not to mention very hot and let us not forget, actually interested in sex with him - there’s a solid chance he goes genuinely crazy or dies, or both, in the next few months and really, who wants to die a virgin?

Listen.......the fic premise is “Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing, noted bisexuals, figure life sucks enough at the Burial Mounds, they might as well have any fun they can before they die” and........I Am Looking Directly At It. It features Wen Qing bossing Wei Wuxian around and Wei Wuxian’s canon he-wants-to-be-pregnant kink. It’s........I liked it.

To The Act of Making Noise by words-writ-in-starlight (Lan Sizhui & Lan Wangji, G, 19k)

His father in white plays the song late into the night, and when A-Yuan wakes up confused and afraid, the guqin lulls him back to sleep.

Lan Sizhui hears his father play the same song every night for his whole life, and never, ever get an answer.

Another very moving and heartwarming fic about Lan Wangji raising Sizhui and Sizhui figuring out Wangji’s past and then eventually reconnecting with Wei Wuxian. It’s cute and soft and Sizhui is my best boy!

History (Proud To Call Your Own) by words-writ-in-starlight (Wen Ning, G, 5k)

“A-Yuan? Um—Lan-gongzi,” Wen Ning corrects, trying to set a good example. The children are young, seven and eight, exactly a dozen of them lined up in two crisp lines of tiny blue and white robes. Wen Ning can feel them staring at him, even though most of them have already mastered that Lan trick of neutrality. The smallest, a little girl with liquid dark eyes, is clinging to her nearest shijie’s sleeve and half-hiding. “Can I—what can I do for you?”

Wen Ning gets himself recruited for services, while he and Sizhui are visiting Cloud Recesses. Wei Wuxian gets a fan club.

Set in the same universe as “To The Act of Making Noise,” a very cute fic about Wen Ning finding his place in the post-canon world and being proud of his cousin Sizhui and being the world’s best substitute teacher. As the official Wen Ning Fan Club President, I had to include this.

Lan Sizhui's Guide to Courtship by Kimblydot (Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi, T, 23k)

In which Jingyi is a little oblivious, Sizhui is patient (and should have said something in the beginning), and everyone else is resigned to watching them dance around each other for far longer than necessary.

(Or: five things Sizhui tries to do in his courtship, and the one time Jingyi realizes there was one happening in the first place.)

I’ll stop describing fics about the juniors as being “cute” when they stop being SO FUCKING CUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Grow by cafecliche (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, T, 14k)

“Okay,” Jingyi says, as Sizhui puzzles this out aloud. “Okay! So the demon has been turning its victims into children.”

“I think so,” Sizhui says.

“To make them easier prey,” Jingyi says.

“Yes,” Sizhui says.

“So—” Jingyi’s voice cracks here, “this kid is Senior Wei.”

Wei Wuxian, still tangled in his own massive robes, blinks politely at them.

(Or: Wei Wuxian is cursed on a night-hunt, and the junior quartet rapidly finds themselves in over their heads.)

What I expected to be a goofy, silly fic turned out to be extremely emotional and made me FULLY CRY! It’s a very moving fic about Sizhui coming to understand himself and Wei Wuxian a lot better AND features all of the juniors arguing over who’s turn it is to hold 6 year old Wei Wuxian. A true win/win of a fic.

Your Name, Safe In Their Mouth by astrolesbian (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, G, 10k)

“You’ve got a fever,” Wei Wuxian says soothingly. “You just keep still as well as you can. We’ll have you fixed up soon.”

Lan Sizhui recognizes his tone—this is the voice that Wei Wuxian uses on hurt people and young children, a very calm and no-nonsense voice that has none of the mischief and cheer of the way he sounds the rest of the time. Lan Sizhui looks up and meets his eyes, and they are dark, stormy gray, muddled and concerned.

“I’m all right,” he croaks.

“Hush,” Wei Wuxian says, in a low croon, like someone quieting a baby. Then he blinks, and looks away, awkward. “I mean—you shouldn’t speak. You’re tired. Rest if you need to.”

or: lan sizhui gets sick on a night hunt. wei wuxian comforts him. they both have a lot of feelings about it.

The Wei Wuxian and Sizhui bonding fic that I so desperately desperately needed to read. Scratched the very particular itch of “but have they REALLY talked about what it means that they’re reunited after 16 years???”

Stainless by Fahye (Wangxian, E, 6k)

"I'm starting to feel," says Lan Xichen, "that this was a counterproductive suggestion."

Wei Wuxian looks down onto the pristine, tranquil cold springs of the Cloud Recesses. Sitting in the water, their bare shoulders rising like dumplings carefully spaced in a steaming-basket, are a large number of Lan disciples.

"They seem to be doing better," he says, encouragingly. "If they--oh, no, I see what you mean."

At the near bank, someone has pressed someone else against the rocks and is kissing them frantically.

It’s smut! What is getting into a new pairing if not an excuse to read sex pollen in new and exciting ways!

Sweet Night by thejillyfish (Wangxian, E, 10k)

It was like coming back to life again, like being restitched into existence, cell by cell, nerve by nerve. From the surface of his skin to the marrow of his bones, everything new and purposeful. Like being pulled back from oblivion into an embrace of pure light. A feeling of absolute asylum.

That’s what it felt like, to realize Lan Wangji was in love with him.

In-show au of “what if they just admitted they’re in love and fucked during episode 43?” Soft and romantic and hot!

Shadows In The Sun Rise by Yuu_chi (Wangxian, E, 25k)

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, voice slow and a pitch too quiet. A second later Wei Wuxian understands why. “I cannot hear.”

Or; Lan Wangji is cursed into internal isolation. Their ability to understand one another remains as unwavering as ever.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. I have been thinking about this fic nonstop since I read it. It is.....fucking incredible. One of the best qualities of wangxian is that they’re so in tune with each other and able to work so cohesively with little communication and this fic is like “what if we take that and DIAL IT UP TO ELEVEN” and i was like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! 

WHEW OKAY that’s enough for right now!

I’m constantly reading new fics all the time so maybe eventually I’ll make a second one if Chi actually reads/likes any of these (they’re picky!), or if anyone else likes this list and wants updates.

TO CHI: Thank you for getting me into The Untamed! I love you! I had the best time texting you every thought that passed through my head while I watched it. I’ve loved all of the content you’ve sent me from the book and the comic. I’ve loved making fun of Yibo with you. I’ve loved being your fic taste tester. Life sucks right now but at least we have wangxian!

TO EVERYONE ELSE: If you read any of these fics please come to my DMs and talk to me about them! I have a lot of feelings and love to cry over fics! Thank you!

[theneverendingpurplesky]

Ok, now I’m chapter 66 of Heaven Official’s Blessing and I’ll put my ramblings under the cut because of spoilers (btw, thank you for the likes, reblogs and comments in the other posts!  ❤️❤️❤️)

Shi Qingxuan: “no matter how good the intention, after being passed around, words will always end up becoming negative”

Me: well, that’s because the heavenly court is full of morons... actually, it makes sense considering that they’re a bunch of, in general, privileged and self-entitled rich people with a mass communication device.... oh shit, the Heavenly Court is like Gossip Girl.

Me before: Qi Rong went insane because Xie Lian fell.

Novel: Nah fam, he’s always been a crazy psycho and a bully.

Me:...oh, ok.

I have to say, I feel MUCH less charitable towards him than before. Insulting the people at the top is hilarious, insulting the ones beneath you makes you a bully (and he’s not a bully, he’s a full psycho).

And about that, something that called my attention was that in chapter 1 it says that Xian Le fell to chaos because of the Emperor’s cruel governing; I was like ‘Xie Lian’s father is a cruel Emperor...?’ I thought it was odd (Xie Lian seemed to have a good relationship with his parents, so how could he get along with them if the Emperor is cruel while he wants to help the common people??), so I considered the possibility that the Emperor when Xian Len fell was Qi Rong and not Xie Lian’s father and that Qi Rong governed a la Joffrey, but then XL’s parents would have to die within 3 years after Xie Lian ascended. I still think that’s a possibility, but the other chapters also show that Xie Lian did NOT get along with his father because of opposing views regarding royalty and the common people (his dad is a fucking snob), and details about Xian Le shows that the state of the country COULD lead to a rebellion, even with Xie Lian’s dad as the Emperor. I mean, when I read in chapter 1 about the golden carriages and lavish parade, I was like ‘if the country was so rich, why did the people rebel?’ and then these chapters show that while the nobility and royalty have this HUGE amount of wealth, there are still people living in the slums, in poverty or homeless... I mean, the disparity in wealth is shown to be so deep (the description of the royal palace in comparison to the nearby slums makes you go yikes) that it makes sense that people would grow increasingly dissatisfied. And actually, I was like ‘....is Xie Lian ok with this?’ but then we find out that he did NOT agree with his father’s ruling, but could not do anything against the king --> but I’m not sure if staying away was the right choice...  

And about the Crown Prince Xie Lian, I have to say, the author did an amazing job of portraying how different Xie Lian was when he was Crown Prince; I mean, yeah, he was “woker” and more humble/down-to-earth than the rest of the nobility but certain details made evident that despite that, his view of the world was still coming from a sheltered and rich young master. Like on the one hand, his understanding of the difference between his and Mu Qing’s privilege when he decided to cover him for the gold foil was fantastic, or him taking responsibility for all damages made by Qi Rong (including economic losses from vendors) was great. But on the other hand...

Novel: he didn’t bring a lot with him. Only 200 treasured swords.

Me:

Or when he was looking for sweets to give the poor children because he thought that giving them coins was too much like dismissing beggars and he thought it was inappropriate --> I have to say I was like ‘fuck your candies, Xie Lian! if I were poor/homeless, I would WANT you to dismiss me with your golden coins!!’

I mean, he was nice and humble, and was much better than the rest of the rich people when it comes to helping and understanding the common people, BUT his view was still one that came from someone who grew up being rich and royalty (something he couldn’t help since he was the crown prince in a country like Xian Le, but those details are very interesting, as that trait is not present in the current Xie Lian).

Jun Wu: “in this matter, you really worked hard for nothing, and pleased no one” --> FUCK YOU!! he saved the (rest of the) common people of Xian Le, he avoided them being killed or facing a new wave of discrimination, he avoided clashes and he contributed to the peace in the region, so fuck that ‘worked hard for nothing’ you snake (and this is why Xie Lian needs to elope with Hua Cheng and be done with the fucking heavenly court).

And if he sent Xie Lian because he’s the “only one he trusts” why didn’t tell him “hey the one that disappeared was the Earth Master and I’d sent him to be Hua Cheng’s subordinate as a spy, so Hua Cheng is probably involved” instead of just fucking sending him blindly to the Ghost City??? suspicious... And I love how every time Jun Wu tells him to be wary of Hua Cheng, Xie Lian is like ‘I suddenly can’t hear’ lol.

And thinking about Jun Wu's possible motive to have Xie Lian fail/fall, it called my attention that in Xian Le, the second-highest temple, after Jun Wu’s, was Xie Lian’s (and he only ascended for 3 years...), and I keep thinking that maybe he felt threatened by Xie Lie?? I mean, Xie Lian was suuuper popular and talented (he only cultivated for 2 years before ascending??) and he “disrespected” his parade and refused to apologize because, in XL’s view, he did the right thing, I mean when I read in chapter 1 “Then the Heavens would be the ones who are wrong. Why should the people who are right apologize to the ones who are wrong?” I was like ‘he’s totally right but damn, that’s a gutsy answer’, so I think Jun Wu saw Xie Lian as a powerful (lots of believers) young god who he could not control (or was not respectful enough) and may surpass him and said ‘hell no, he needs to be beaten’ and did it in a covert way while pretending to support him (....and totally not because I was watching old American Next Top Model’s videos and reading comments about how Tyra usually downplays/criticizes the girls that are more beautiful than her because she feels intimidated while pretending to be nice, and that made me think of Jun Wu as Tyra >_>....) 

[gingerpeachtae]

Concentric [6]

masterlist

Words: 4.7k

Genres: fantasy!AU, angst, fluff, enemies to lovers, eventual smut (?)

Warnings: spoilers for season 7&8 of Game of Thrones

Summary: You had been ready for the end of the semester. You had been ready to spend time away from your best friend, Jimin, and finally move on from the feelings you harbored. Yet, after your friend was forced to reveal a secret, you found yourself in a new world that was chock full of magic, war, and wonder. So, here you were, basically thrown into your own fantasy novel, with your best friend on one side, and six male warriors on the other.

A/N: Here it is! I ended up finishing it later than usual but earlier than anticipated, so instead of waiting till 11:59, imma just post it now!It’s a bit on the shorter side so I sowy but it’s what ya’ll get since I basically wrote this in one day oof. thank you all for reading... engoy! 😘

You were walking alongside Jin, who was currently babbling about how difficult it was to have to cook for the members of his kiela all the time.

“You just can’t imagine the stress! And they eat like animals!”

You looked at him out of the corner of your eye as you ducked beneath a branch. “Honestly, Jin… I don’t feel that bad for you because you were the one who turned down my help, remember?.”

At your retort, the Saeni huffed then mumbled something along the lines of maybe letting you help cut the vegetables or some other tiny task from now on.

You chuckled and repeated what you had told him before, “If you ever want or need help, just let me know Papa Jin. I’d be happy to lend a hand.”

Brushing some leaves out of your face, you sent the black-haired male a smile, hoping he would understand that you genuinely just wanted to help and not try to steal his “caretaker position.”

You waited until he sent you a smile back, and then you glanced around to see how everyone else in the kiela was doing. Personally, your legs wet sore as heck, and your feet felt like they were about to fall off from all the walking and running you’d been doing, but the others seemed to be in no distress at all. Then again, they were definitely more used to this kind of hiking than you were.

You had been on the move for a couple of hours, still trekking toward the group’s destination. The only difference was that now you knew what that destination was.

I hope that makes you happy, chickpea brain.

After Jungkook had left you and Jimin alone earlier, you were finally able to sit down and have your much-needed talk with your best friend.

“I don’t have an alarm! How the hell am I supposed to do that!?”

Jimin let out an exasperated puff of air. “You literally just got punched in the face… and making sure you’re up on time to get punched again is what you’re worried about?”

“Hey, if getting punched a few more times helps me learn how to protect myself, then I’m doing it.” You sat back down on the mat and looked up into Jimin’s brown eyes. “Enough about Coco and punching, though. We need to talk.”

Leaning back on your hands, you titled your head to the side. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re a prince?”

“Wha-who-I-not-n-no!” He stammered out. “I’m not a prince, don’t be ridiculous.” He ran a hand through his apricot locks and avoided eye contact with you.

“Oh, save it, Slim Jim. I know you’re a prince, so don’t even try to lie.”

The half-Saeni let out a groan, closing his eyes and tugging at the roots of his hair. “Who told you? It was Tae, wasn’t it? That feather-brain can never keep his mouth shut.”

“Oh my gosh, it wasn’t Tae. Have some bloody faith in your brother, would you?” You rolled your eyes. “It was the bad guys from yesterday. They said something about it after they knocked your ass out.”

Your friend dropped his hands and blew out all the air in his lungs before he finally replied, “I’m… I’m not really a prince. Some people just call me that because my father was the previous king.”

“So, what? You’re an ex-prince?”

“More like a bastard.”

“Wait, so you’re like the Jon Snow of Illain?” Your eyes twinkled in excitement.

Jimin raised his eyebrows and looked down at your buzzing figure. “You know that Jon wasn’t actually a bastard, right?”

“Eh.” You waved your hand dismissively. “With how the writers treated that information in season eight, he might as well have still been one.”

“That… is a fair point.”

The conversation died down and all you could hear was the sound of the forest for what seemed like several minutes but was probably only ten seconds.

“Jimin…”

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jimin had sat down next to you and explained why knowing his heritage was dangerous, for you and him. He began his story by having you recall how his mom had stumbled into Illain (you still weren’t sure how that would happen, but hey, no point wondering about it now) and met and fell in love with his dad. What he had left out, was that his dad had been the king of Illain and was already in an arranged marriage. He didn’t love the queen and vice versa, but nevertheless, he had to keep his relationship with Jimin’s mom a secret. Both because it would have been considered taboo in addition to how it would have caused an uproar among the court officials.

Shortly after Jimin’s mom found out she was pregnant, the queen discovered the relationship and… she had not been pleased. She ended up murdering Jimin’s father and tried to kill his mom as well. Luckily, she had been able to escape back to Earth with the help of a friend, who had been one of the few who knew about her.

Once the king’s guard (who didn’t exactly excel at their job, in your opinion) caught the queen and interrogated her, it was reported that she kept saying that she wanted to see Illain fall into chaos and how she needed to eradicate the “key within the bloodline.” Whatever that meant. Nobody could really make sense of her, it was like she had suddenly went batshit insane.

After the events, nobody thought much of her words, beyond them being those of a crazed person. The world grieved and then crowned a new king. Eventually, the Saeni forgot about what the previous queen had said… until five years later. Stories rose up about an anarchist who preached about unleashing pain and suffering upon all of Illain. Those who felt as though the world was against them, that life hated them, that the gods mistreated them, were captivated by his message and joined his ranks. They began terrorizing Illain in the name of an unknown person, Uzjuk, and were soon known as the draikensu, or “the dark ones.”

Over the years, the draikensu had somehow learned that the deceased king had had a child out of wedlock, and they turned their attention to finding that child. To finding him and eradicating the “key” that lived within him. Nobody knew what they meant by that, but it was clear that it was not safe for Jimin to be honest about who he was. Which was why he goes by Chim in Illain and why he didn’t tell you the full story from the beginning. Those who know of his heritage are not only in danger themselves, but they also put Jimin at risk of being exposed. The only ones who are supposed to know are Jimin’s kiela, his father’s friend (who was the new king), and now you. Though, obviously, somebody else must have figured it out because the draikensu from yesterday had known.

As for your destination, Jimin had informed you that he had been summoned to the royal palace. He didn’t know exactly why and neither did his kiela, who had been sent to retrieve him, but the king had said he was needed urgently.

What a fucking shit show.

You had gotten some answers, but in their wake, more questions had sprung up. Who the hell was Uzjuk? What was the “key” within Jimin? Why did the king need him? Do the Saeni even train their royal guard? You pondered the questions as you stepped around a big hunk of rock that was covered in moss. Yet, although more unknowns had arisen, there was one thing you definitely knew: there was no way in hell you weren’t going to learn how to fight now. It was only a matter of time before more of those draikensu fuckers came after Jimin again. You needed to be ready. You wanted to help protect him. There was only one week left of travelling before you reached the royal palace, and you didn’t know what was going to happen once you got there. Would you be able to continue training with Jungkook? Would you all turn around and go back to the tree bridge?

Ugh. More questions!

No matter the case, anything was better than nothing, so you were going to make the most of the asshat’s training in the upcoming week.

“Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Come on, little scorja! Wake your cute ass UP!”

You groaned and tried to push the weight on top of you off, but it only collapsed onto you even more and began poking your sides.

You cracked an eye open and whined, “Tae! Let me sleep!”

It was so damn early that your petals from yesterday were still in effect.

“Nu’uh! A little flower, aka you, told me yesterday that you needed to be up two hours earlier than usual to go to school.” He hoisted you up and you hung limply in his arms, making him hold your dead weight. “So, I’m your alarm clock and I say it’s time to get up!”

He emphasized his words by giving your body a hard shake. You reacted by slapping a hand over his face and then smacking him again and again in various locations on his head.

“Where’s the freaking off button?”

You continued smacking him until you heard his whimpers of how he had just wanted to help. You looked up into his pouting blue eyes and instantly succumbed to them.

Dammit. He knows how to get to me.

“Ugh, fine.”

He beamed, mood instantly shifting back to delighted. He gripped your head in his hands, squishing your cheeks and contorting your face into a forced, closed-lipped smile. “Ah! There’s that pretty, scorja smile!”

That made you genuinely laugh, and you peeled his hands away while stuck your tongue out at him. Then you pulled him into a hug, and whispered into his ear, “Thanks for waking me up, Tae.”

“You’re welcome,” he whispered back. “Oh! Here are your petals for the day.”

You took the delicate objects out of his palm and popped them into your mouth, stretching once their disorienting effects went away. You looked around and noticed that, besides Yoongi giving the two of you a glare for waking him up, the rest of the kiela was still snoozing away except for…

“Good, you’re up. Let’s go.”

You looked over your shoulder and saw Jungkook dropping down from a tree. He had a bow and quiver in his hand, and you wondered where he got it from since you hadn’t seen them before.

“I’ll see you later Tae Tae!” You parted after giving the Saeni a kiss on his cheek.

“They grow up so fast.” He wiped away nonexistent tears as he returned to his on-watch spot. “Learn lots and be safe!

You approached the burgundy-haired Saeni while chuckling. “Good morning, Coco.”

He grumbled out a “good morning, human” and started walking into the trees, leaving you to trail after him.

Jogging to catch up, you asked, “Where’d you get that bow? It’s not Tae’s and I didn’t think anyone else had one, besides Jimin of course, but his is… I don’t know where it is.” You briefly paused to admire a funky looking plant with wavy leaves before continuing. “Is that Jimin’s?”

Jungkook raised a brow at your talkative attitude, bewildered you were that peppy after just waking up. “Not Jimin’s. It’s a spare we keep in a … magic locker? I’m not completely sure how it works, but Yoongi is able to tuck things away into a space and I asked him to bring this out for you last night. It’s one of Tae’s old bows that he used during training. It’ll be easier for you to draw with.”

“Oh. Um, thanks for having him do that.”

It was another small glimpse into the thoughtful and soft side of Jungkook that often, or more like ninety-five percent of the time, disappeared around you.

After the two of you had walked far enough into the foliage to not wake up the others, Jungkook abruptly stopped, which caused you to stumble as you tried to evade running smack dab into his back.

As you regained your balance and moved around to face him, he said, “Okay, today we’re going to start by correcting your pathetic punching technique and then we’re going to do some tests with various weapons to-”

“You’re going to let-”

“Uh… I’m not finished.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

You couldn’t stop your snort. “Geez, who are you? Tyler the Creator?”

“No. I’m Jungkook the Maknae.” He said in a serious tone, lifting his chin up.

You blinked at him. “I… literally cannot stand you.”

“Perfect. We’re on the same page then, sweetheart.”

“Sweetheart? Wooow.” You smirked and placed your hands on your hips. “I’ve really gotten an upgrade on my nickname.”

“I swear to Exia, if you don’t let me finish, little human-”

“Oop. There it is.”

He growled.

“Alright, alright.” You raised your hands to signal your peace. “I’ll stop and be a good girl for you.”

Jungkook’s body froze and his pupils dilated as he stared at you. The only movement coming from his form was now the rising and falling of his chest.

You furrowed your brows. Sure, your words could’ve sounded a bit sexual, but you didn’t think you had to worry about the male in front of you thinking that way. Not with his low opinion of you. Plus, some part of you was still convinced that the boy was celibate as hell. Though, you found it odd that he wasn’t moving or taking his green eyes off of you.

“Jungkook?” You pursed your lips.

His eyes bugged out at your voice and he looked away before clearing his throat. “Ah, as I was saying, we’ll test out different weapons to see what kind of fighter you’ll be. Hence why I got the bow. You’ll also try out some throwing knives, a dagger, and a short sword.”

Anticipating your question, he quickly rolled his eyes and said, “Yes, I’m letting you use my short swords.”

“I just figured that you wouldn’t want anyone else touching your shit. Especially me. You seem a little… possessive in that way.”

He shrugged, shifting his gaze to the leaves above his head. Though you didn’t miss his hand moving to gently touch the handle of his ruby dagger.

That must be the thing he gets stingy with. I wonder what’s so special about it?

“We won’t be trying out a normal sword though, because, quite frankly, you just aren’t strong enough for that.”

You couldn’t even get mad at him for saying that since it was probably, most likely, definitely true.

Before anything else happened, Jungkook set down the spare bow and its quiver and led you through a series of static and dynamic stretches. Even though you already knew how to properly warm up your body, you were a dancer for crying out loud, you let him do his thing. Not only did you not want to piss him off, but he was also the one who offered to train you, so you were going to listen and do as he instructed… But he didn’t need to know that you were more focused on the birds’ singing and chirping than his voice while you stretched your quad.

“Alright, I want you doing that before every session, got it?”

You gave him a salute after brushing off your dirt-covered butt. “Aye, aye captain.”

He then directed you to show him how you held your hand during a punch. You did so, and he immediately sighed. He took your fist in his rough, scar-covered hands and turned it this way and that, observing and clicking his tongue in dissatisfaction.

“At least your thumb isn’t inside your fist. It’s good you know not to do that.” He prodded at the appendage. “Move it to rest below your curled fingers, between your pointer and middle fingers.”

After allowing him to adjust you as he saw fit, he also told you to squeeze your fist more, but not to the point of cutting off circulation. You listened attentively to his directions as a crisp morning breeze ruffled both of your hair. When he was pleased with your first, he nodded.

Tapping the knuckles of your ring and pinky fingers, he said, “Never lead your punch with these because it’ll break the shit out of your hand. And don’t try to make contact with this part,” he rubbed the flat part of your fingers that was between the knuckles, “always make contact with your actual knuckles, okay?”

“Okay.”

He went on to show you the proper stance as well as the best way to utilize your weight and momentum in an attack.

“Before I have you practicing actual punches on me, I want you to just practice the action to get the movement and feeling down so that you’re comfortable with it.”

With that, he told you that you were now going to start working with some weapons. Not to learn any advanced moves with them, but to simply see if you had a natural affinity for a any certain type. Your mind reeled a bit at how he wanted you to practice before punching, but was about to hand over some weapons and just… let you have at it? It seemed a wee bit backwards to you, but oh well. You were honestly more surprised with how patient and informative Jungkook had been thus far. He had yet to be condescending or snappy toward you. Instead, he gave off the impression that he was… excited. It was apparent that he really enjoyed fighting, both physically and conversationally. Even if it was just teaching a little human like yourself the basics, his voice was lighter and his eyes brighter than they usually were in your presence.

You were brought out of your head when he handed you a throwing knife, the coolness of the metal making you jump out of your thoughts. The blade was about ten inches long with cut-outs and it had a thick, sharp point. He told you that the end you hold when throwing depends on the blade, and to always hold whichever end is heavier, as it creates a more forceful throw. You hummed, and he moved on to show you how the grip the knife: pointer, middle, and ring fingers on one side, thumb on the other, and pinky finger curled at the bottom. When you finally grasped the blade correctly, he made a noise of satisfaction and eased it out of your hand. Then, he demonstrated how to move your body and follow through on the throw. He repeated the motion a couple of times and on the third he calmly released the knife and it embedded itself deep into a tree trunk a solid 25 feet away.

You whistled. “Well hot damn, Coco.”

He smirked at you and told you to go through the motion. You felt like you were transported back to when you were in little league softball, learning how to throw a ball for the first time. After several minutes of you throwing nothing and him tweaking your form, he gave you another knife identical to the previous.

Taking a deep breath and settling yourself into position, you waited for a big gust of wind to subside. Once it passed, you brought your arm back, took a small step, and threw the knife forward. Er… you had wanted the knife to go forward. You must have released prematurely, though, because it went up and to the right instead. Wincing, you held your breath as you waited for the asshat to say something about your misshap.

“Again.” He only handed you another blade.

This time, the knife went forward, but it still missed the tree by a good 10 feet.

“Again.”

Another blade. And another miss. This one to the left of the tree, since you had tried to compensate for your previous blunder.

“Well… that wasn’t as bad as Namjoon hyung, I’ll give you that. Though it still kind of sucked.” His green eyes met yours and you were shocked to see that they held no malice. “And yeah, yeah, yeah, I know ‘it’s your first time,’ but I don’t think you’ll be our new Hobi, sweetheart.”

“I… yeah, me neither.” You released a stream of light laughter as you thought about your failed attempts. “What’s next?��

“Dagger.” Jungkook reached behind him and withdrew a short, curved blade.

“What the heck,” you gasped, “I didn’t even know you had a dagger back there.” You ogled at him like he had just performed a magic trick.

He raised an eyebrow at you, mouth slightly curving upward. “That’s kind of the point, little human. It’s supposed to be hidden.”

Once your awe at his abracadabra moment faded, he asked if you had ever used a dagger before.

“No? Well, um, not before the… tent,” you said in a small voice.

“Oh, right.” He coughed awkwardly. “Uh, so anyway, you know how to use it on a surface level, yeah?”

You gestured to the end of the dagger, which was gleaming in the morning sunlight. “Stick ‘em with the pointy end.”

Come on… there was no way you couldn’t say that.

He looked at you blankly for a few moments, and you were about to tell him it was just a reference, but then he tipped his head back and yelled.

“Not that fucking line again! Chim wouldn’t stop saying it one summer and it haunts me!”

“Wait, you know Game of Thrones?”

“Is that what it’s called? I don’t know, sure. But that’s a quote from the wolf girl, right?”

You excitedly nodded and clapped your hands together rapidly, hoping you could take a short break and talk about the show.

The burgundy head moaned in defeat. “And to think I already had all the reasons to not like you, you go on and say that.” He chuckled to himself in pity.

You didn’t join him, though. The brightness of your eyes died at his words and you looking away from him.

Why are you so upset, Y/N? You knew he didn’t like you.

Well, maybe if he wasn’t so fucking back and forth between being civil and then saying something like that out of the blue, it wouldn’t be so shocking. You had also thought that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t dislike you anymore after the whole draikensu ordeal. Or at least, you thought that he wouldn’t be so openly vocal about it. Looks like you were wrong.

When he realized that you had gone silent, and he thought back to what he had said, his green eyes widened.

“I didn’t-I mean, I don’t…” He sighed when he saw all the playfulness gone from your y/e/c eyes when you returned your gaze to him. “Anyways, here’s how you use it.”

Eventually, you disregarded his comment and focused on the matter at hand. You knew you wouldn’t be drawn toward fighting with a dagger, especially after the other day, but you didn’t want to half-ass your way through it. After going through the dagger and the short sword, both of which you were mediocre at, Jungkook picked up the bow.

Prior to handing it to you, though, he presented an arm guard. Quickly slipping it over your wrist, you grabbed the bow and one of the arrows he offered.

Much to his surprise, you already knew how to notch an arrow. You threw a smirk his way. You also vaguely remembered the basic grip and stance for archery, so you fell into what you hoped was the proper form.

Thank you, middle school archery seminar.

Ignoring your smug display, Jungkook crossed his arms and told you to draw back. Gritting your teeth slightly at the tension, you did and waited as circled and assessed you. After a while, your arms were beginning to shake from holding the position, your muscles not used to that kind of exertion.

“You need to raise your arm a little bit.”

He stepped up right behind you, bringing his chest flush to your back, in order to correct your form. As you felt his firm front pressed against you, you flashed back to when you saw him shirtless. To when his muscles were out on full display and his thick thighs were evident through his damp plants. You recalled how utterly good he had looked, half-naked and dripping water.

Shit. Y/N, snap out of it!

You shook your head like the physical action would make the thoughts fly out of your mind.

“No?” You heard Jungkook question.

“Wha-huh?”

“I asked if feels comfortable for you? The position?”

Hell yes, does it feel comfortable… AH STOP IT! HE’S TALKING ABOUT THE SHOOTING POSITION, YOU HORNY IMBECILE!

Coughing, you choked out a yes. He looked down at you in confusion for your weird reaction, but instead of inquiring about it he just hummed and stepped away.

You were almost appalled with yourself. Yeah, he was really good looking, hot even, but how could you be thinking about the asshat in that way? You know, the person who basically hated your guts? Not to mention the fact that you had a big, fat, lovey-dovey crush on your best friend… and Jungkook was most definitely not your best friend!

You seriously wondered how he could make you feel so many different things in such a short span of time. You had gone from perky, to teasing, annoyed, happy, excited, disappointed, angry, and finally hot and bothered all within two damn hours.

You were so confused by this male and his words and actions. It was truly exhausting to try to keep up with his mood swings. You dropped your arms with an irked sigh, lowering the bow and bringing some relief to your straining arms.

“Everything okay?” The Saeni asked, his voice sounding slightly concerned.

“Yeah, I’m just… my arms aren’t used to this, and they were hurting. Go ahead and make fun of me for being such a weak, little human.” You had tried to add some fire behind your last statement, but it came out with barely a flicker of heat. You were just too confused as to whether you wanted to be turned on, mad, spiteful, or ashamed.

“Whoa, hey look, I’m sorry for what I said earlier… about, you know, not liking you… it’s just-I don’t-”

“You don’t have to like me, Jungkook. I don’t need every person I come across to like me.”

“It’s not that, it’s-I don’t know-”

You whirled around to face him, and you could see that his face was heating up. Yours was too, but yours was in complete frustration.

“Well, if you don’t know, then can you figure it out for fuck’s sake? If you like me, then great, like me and be pleasant toward me. If you don’t like me, then fine, don’t like me and be a dick.” You were in his face at this point, poking his solid chest with your pointer finger. “I just need you to fucking stop with the going back and forth! I never know which Jungkook I’m going to get, and I’m constantly worried I’ll say something to set you off and I don’t know what it’ll be, and it’s so. Damn. Annoying!”

You turned back around and raised the bow, shooting at a nearby tree. Although it didn’t hit where you had aimed, the arrow still thumped into the trunk nonetheless. Jungkook gaped at you as you angrily faced him once more and shoved the bow at him.

“I want to be an archer. And I want to learn hand to hand fighting. Does that sound good with you? Alright, perfect.” You didn’t even give him a chance to reply before you began stomping your way back to camp. “Thanks for the lesson Coco, I’ll practice the punching and see you bright and early tomorrow.”

As the burgundy-haired male watched your back vanish into the trees he let out a curse and crouched down, gripping his head with both hands. He stayed that way for minutes, letting himself be enveloped by the sounds of the leaves, birds, and bugs… but it wasn’t enough to make the sound of your echoing voice disappear from inside his head. He released a loud noise of annoyance and frustration, and moved a hand to clutch the handle of the dagger strapped to his waist before whispering to the trees, “What the fuck am I doing?”

previous [5] — next [7]

[ittakesrain]

and now, an essay thing I have nowhere else to publish

One of my most vivid memories is of what happened one sunny April morning when I was sixteen.  My parents had brought me to a random doctor’s office for a random appointment, and it pissed me off because I should have been in school.  I should have been sitting in my AP chemistry class learning about radiation.  It would require so much time to catch up on all of what I missed, and even though I was acing the class, the ever-present whispers of derisive thoughts emanating from my brain were particularly loud that day.  Their volume increased until they were almost deafening, until I could barely hear the sound of blood rushing through my head, until I could barely concentrate on standing up, barely fight to stay on my feet as black spots clouded my vision.  They told me everything would go to shit because I was going to fail chemistry and not get into college and never amount to anything.  They told me I should have fucking been in class.

But instead, I was pacing in the waiting room of this strange, unfamiliar office, painfully cold as always despite my layers upon layers of clothing.  I had my belt pulled tight, as it was the only thing holding my baggy 00 jeans onto my ghostly and withered body.  I genuinely didn’t know why I was there, yet I had an overpowering feeling that something life-shattering was about to happen.

A nurse called me back.  I followed her into an exam room.  She instructed me to undress entirely and put on a gown.  I did, and it finally hit me what was coming.  Panicked apprehension coursed through my veins with every pained, frantic beat.  She told me she had to get my height.  I slid off the exam table to be measured, stood tall, steadying my shaky hands as they fell to my sides.  Five feet.

Then, with nerves reaching an insurmountable level, she told me to stand on the scale. The heavy-duty, never-inaccurate, medical-grade scale. I stepped carefully onto it, as if I didn’t already know what it was going to say. A lifetime passed by in a second, my heart stopped as time froze. The machine beeped as it landed on what it had declared as my weight. I didn’t look, I didn’t look, I didn’t look. Nothing was happening. Don’t look, don’t look. But after I’d stood there forever and ever, holding the air in my lungs until it hurt, I looked at the nurse. She was staring at me. I breathed out. I looked at the scale. I sucked a lung-full of oxygen into my body involuntarily.

My heart leaped at the number, three pounds below what I’d last seen, and then plummeted into a free-fall. There was no derisive voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough. There was just a pitter-patter of words bouncing off the edges of my mind, echoing loudly between reverberating silence: Sick. Shame. Sick. Broken. Sick. Sick. Sick.

In the sheer terror of the moment, I had no idea how it had happened, how I’d gotten that way. But the truth was that I was nearly seventeen years old and I weighed sixty-five pounds.  And at that point, I knew what I was doing and how I’d gotten that way.

It was simple in the most complex and intricate of ways: I had an eating disorder.  And I’d had one for three years.  It had been all I’d known for three long years.  The gnawing, excruciating hunger that had long since dissipated into expansive internal emptiness.  The bitter cold that lay so deep within me that it had settled permanently in my bones.  The sheer, unrelenting anxiety, the weighted feeling of impending doom.  I’d been trapped.

And in an eternity that lasted only three months, I was released into a freedom I hadn’t realized existed.  I could write novels about what happened during those months, those wonderful, terrible, frightening, uncertain, beautiful months.  And I will write those novels.  But the point is that the identity I’d been chained to for so goddamn long would no longer be attached to me.  Being reborn like that?  It’s indescribable.

But it’s twelve years later.  Twelve fucking years later.  And I once again officially fall into the category of “someone with an eating disorder.”  Instead of three years, it’s been three months.  Instead of being grossly underweight, I’m just 25 or so pounds lighter.  But the thoughts, the fears, the discomfort...it’s all there.  Again.  As if no time has passed.  I’m afraid of jelly.  I’m afraid.  Of fucking.  Jelly.  I’ve arbitrarily attached emotion to jelly as if the main ingredient of the stuff is “paralyzing anxiety.”

I hate it.  I hate that I’m doing this again.

It’s different now, though.  I just keep telling myself to “cut the shit.”  I’ve done it before.  I’m no longer in the dark. I have knowledge.   I’m well aware that I can be released into freedom, that the chains holding me to this identity are nothing compared to the supernova of resilience powering all that I am.  But I feel too far gone. It scares me.

Not to mention, as I’m ashamed to admit, that I like my body better now.  Superficial as it maybe be, it’s a relief to have gotten rid of all the weight I’d gained after getting on the new meds (which, by the way, are a literal gift from whatever god might be up there).  I know I shouldn’t like the weight loss, but I do.   I have a sick pride in it,  just like how I’m stupidly proud of the fact that I was 65 fucking pounds two months before turning 17.  With that at least it was because, after three years of suffering, that number was all I had to show for it. But now? I don’t know what the deal is.  I guess it’s just nice to be able to be good at something again.

It probably also has to do with control again, with how I desperately want it.  It just isn’t making me feel any closer to that elusive concept anymore.  Like, why is it that when I’m waging war with myself over the simple act of sitting down to eat, I never have control over the outcome?

It probably has to do with how I was bored.  How I wanted to be distracted, wanted something to focus on. How I was morbidly curious.

It probably has to do with the low self-esteem I’ve begun to wear even though it doesn’t feel right on me.

I keep telling myself that I just “went at this a little too hard.”  That it was really just an attempt to lose weight gone wrong because my brain naturally just jumps to this shit when life gets stressful.  A result of the fact that I’ve never known any sort of middle ground in regards to anything.  I’ve never understood healthy dieting.  If you want to lose weight, why not just stop eating altogether?  It’s a miswired translation code in my head.  I’ve never been able to fix it.  I’ve only ever worked around it.

Maybe that’s the problem: I never got around to rewiring everything.

When I write, it’s to give people something they can read to understand something.  Something they can read to be dragged down to the depths of my mind and come out with my feelings and desires, as fucked up and crazy as they might be, as souvenirs.  I don’t think many people need to visit hell, though.  I think it’s enough for me to do so. 

Maybe writing this will help me rewire.  Maybe afterward I’ll remember even more vividly how fucking insanely disgusting my eating disorder was at its peak.  Maybe I’ll drag myself down to the depths of my former mind, the mind I used to try like mad to learn an entirely new way of looking at things, processing things, and understanding things.  The mind I used to smash the title of “anorexic” into so many pieces that it no longer lingered above my head and next to my name. 

I can’t fathom where in the fuck to start.  But if my brain is made of wires, the wires are reduced to words.  So let’s just call this a beginning.

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 7 Extravapalooza

With the way the COVID-19 situation in America (and lots of other places around the world) is rapidly heading in the wrong direction, I’m beginning to genuinely wonder if the NFL is going to have to pause the season for a few weeks as some states potentially decide that the gatherings that come with staging a football game are less than necessary. 

Once the league decided to start the season as scheduled, I figured there was no way they’d stop the train once it began lurching forward, even if some unlucky teams were forced to start someone like Brian Hoyer at QB instead of their normal guy. Ahem. But, I also didn’t think things would deteriorate virus-spread wise quite to this degree. I was really giving us as a society way too much credit, it would appear. Given the resistance to the first round of shutdown measures, I think there’s a real possibility that shit could hit the fan in a way few of us have seen before if another batch were implemented, but it seems like the only option going forward for some places if they don’t get their shit together. Our choices in the very near future appear to be: court massive civil unrest spurred on by the very worst among us, or do nothing and let many of those same people carry disease to every corner of the country as hospitals become overwhelmed and people die alone and miserable. Hooray for letting the dumbest assholes dictate the courses of everyone else’s lives. 

Now for some football picks!!!

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today.

EARLY GAMES

Detroit Lions at Atlanta Falcons (-2)

Ah, a team who recently fired their terrible head coach against a team who desperately needs to. I’m glad it finally appears to be dawning on Detroit’s offensive braintrust that D’Andre Swift is the best RB on the team and thus should get the bulk of the touches. You could even say he deserves the LION’S SHARE. Sorry. 

I was ready to declare Matt Ryan officially washed heading into last week’s games, but then he went out and threw for 371 and 4 TDs against the (admittedly trash-ass) Vikings defense, and now I just don’t know. Does having Julio Jones in the lineup really make that much of a difference for him? Maybe! This game should be enjoyable slop and I don’t have any strong leanings one way or another. I’ll pick the Falcons just because a Lions loss gets them one step closer to freedom from their dipshit Goomba-from-Mario-Bros-lookin’ motherfucker of a head coach.

Cleveland Browns (-3.5) at Cincinnati Bengals

I like to make fun of the Browns just like everyone else, but I’d prefer to see less digital ink spilled on QB Baker Mayfield’s crappy play and more celebration of DE Myles Garrett instead. Garrett is AWESOME. Through 6 games he has 7 sacks (2nd in the NFL) and 3 forced fumbles (also 2nd in the league), and those numbers don’t fully capture how disruptive and nightmarish he is for opposing offenses most weeks. Sure, he maybe tried to kill a guy with his helmet last year, but c’mon. That was just a harmless little goof. No reason to hold it against him, in my opinion. Like, have you seen what Mason Rudolph looks like? He had it coming.

I feel bad every time I pick against Joe Burrow because I want he and I to be friends, but *points to previous paragraph about how Myles Garrett swallows planets whole*.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Tennessee Titans (-1.5)

Last week I wrote a whole big thing (with stats to back it up!) in the Titans blurb about how Derrick Henry wasn’t playing well and was potentially wearing down, and then he proceeded to rush for over 200 yards and 2 TDs, including an unreal 94-yarder. I concede that I may have been misguided, and that attempting to use research is for lameass nerds. That said, I HIGHLY doubt he’ll have a huge day against the Steelers defense, but the combo of Henry and the Ryan Tannehill-led passing game should be able to put up enough points to win. 

These teams are both very good and very evenly matched, but I don’t want to pick Pittsburgh because I actively dislike them. You won’t find that kind of analysis on Football Outsiders, friends.

Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints (-7)

New Orleans will be without WRs Michael Thomas and Emmanuel Sanders for this one, and I think QB Drew Brees is too far over-the-hill to make chicken salad out of the chicken shit that remains in their group of pass catchers. RB Alvin Kamara is great, but he can’t do it by himself. Oh, and speaking of Michael Thomas, a report came out yesterday that the Saints are open to dealing him. This report came from Mike Florio, so grain of salt and all, but it did lead to me reading a rumor that Thomas’ teammates hate him and secretly call him “Can’t Stand Mike,” a play on his “Can’t Guard Mike” Twitter handle. I found this hilarious and very much want it to be true.

Let’s raise a glass to Panthers backup RB and fantasy football savior Mike Davis, as his gravy train likely comes to a halt after today with the impending return of Christian McCaffery. The New Orleans rush defense is very good, so I don’t see him going out in a blaze of glory, but his out-of-nowhere statistical bonanza deserves to be celebrated.

Buffalo Bills (-10) at New York Jets

LOL Jets Head Coach Adam Gase still hasn’t been fired despite losing 24-0 to Miami last week. What’s it gonna take, I wonder? A second consecutive shutout may do it, but the Bills defense has been terrible, so it’ll take a real commitment to ineptitude for the Jets to put up their second squadoosh in a row. NY QB Sam Darnold is returning to the lineup, but he’s going to be without his best weapon, WR Jamison Crowder. I honestly feel terrible for poor Sam, as he was drafted into the worst situation I can remember. At least David Carr was hit enough that he likely doesn’t remember ALL of the bad stuff. 

Nearly all of the Bills’ TEs are in the COVID-19 protocol, so I’m not sure how they’re gonna address that. BRING BACK JAY RIEMERSMA!

Dallas Cowboys at Washington Football Team (-1)

The Cowboys being underdogs against Washington is hilarious, even more so because it’s justified. I thought QB Andy Dalton would do a decent job leading the Cowboys offense last week against Arizona, and I was very, very wrong. I still think he can get his shit together somewhat, but the ceiling for this team has been lowered to “Darren Sproles might have to duck a bit” height. I can only condone watching this game for schadenfreude purposes, but even that’s stretching it. Any more than a quarter is just straight-up masochism.

Green Bay Packers (-3.5) at Houston Texans

I’m simultaneously excited to watch this game and struggling to come up with anything novel to say about it. I’m interested to see how Green Bay deploys their awesome CB Jaire Alexander, as whichever Texans WR avoids him is likely to be peppered with targets. Shoutout to Will Fuller’s hamstrings for holding up so far and allowing him to kick ass. 

As of right now it looks like Green Bay will be without studly RB Aaron Jones and sexy touchdown beast TE Robert Tonyan, which isn’t great. But, if there’s one opponent where you should still be ok using a backup RB, it’s the Houston Texans and their atrocious rush defense. Wait, why am I picking Houston? Whatever, fuck it, the heart wants what the heart wants.

LATE GAMES

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-5) at Las Vegas Raiders

A couple of days ago, it looked like the entire Las Vegas offensive line might miss this game due to being placed on the COVID-19/Reserve list. As of this writing, all those beefy boys are cleared to play, which is good news since they’re going against Tampa Bay’s top-shelf defense (ranked #1 in defensive DVOA). Even with their full compliment of offensive personnel, I still predict many hilarious angry and frustrated faces from Jon Gruden.

Tampa Bay has decided to sign WR Antonio Brown, despite already having two Pro Bowl-caliber receivers in Mike Evans and Chris Godwin. It’s pretty clear this signing was done entirely because QB Tom Brady wanted it, as Brady has been pushing for his team to sign Brown going back to last year in New England. It’s so weird, Tom Brady doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would advocate for an emotionally unstable and supremely narcissistic accused rapist who’s left multiple organizations in disarray upon his unceremonious departure.  

Kansas City Chiefs (-7.5) at Denver Broncos

Fuck yeah, our first potential snow game of the year! The gametime forecast as of right now calls for 5-degree windchill temps with a 35-40 percent chance of flakes throughout. That sounds horrible to play in, but glorious to watch. If we don’t get at least one shot of steam rising off of an offensive lineman’s head I’m gonna be pissed. I’m curious to see what Kansas City does with newly acquired RB Le’Veon Bell in this game. He’s definitely played in more winter-weather games than my boy Clyde Edwards-Helaire, so do they give him more carries this week than they would normally? I hope not, but I can definitely see the argument for it.

San Francisco 49ers at New England Patriots (-3)

I’m a little shaken (relatively, I’m not a complete lunatic) by how shitty New England, and Cam Newton in particular, looked against Denver last week. The lack of practice time due to multiple COVID-related outbreaks is a valid reason for it, but still. I think the Niners are the much better team when healthy, but they’re gonna be missing their best RB Raheem Mostert for this game (and the next few), which does impede their power-run game somewhat. Backup Jerick McKinnon is still very good, he just has a different, less-demoralizing style. Handsome Jimmy will have to make some plays, and I think he can do just enough. The overall talent gap will be too much for NE to overcome, I fear.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Los Angeles Chargers (-7.5)

The Jags have lost five straight games coming into this one, while the Chargers have dropped four in a row. Something’s gotta give! I will say that the Jacksonville losses seem more depressing (3 of them were by double-digits), while even though L.A. is losing, they at least feel exciting. A shiny rookie QB who looks decent will do that, I guess. Still, I’m riding with my man Minshew to cover one last time here. If he fails, well, I think it’ll be time for us to go our separate ways. “Separate Ways” by Journey is also what plays in Gardiner Minshew’s helmet speaker instead of play calls, coincidentally. 

SNF: Seattle Seahawks (-3.5) at Arizona Cardinals

Seattle’s already abysmal secondary is going to be down Pro Bowl safety Jamal Adams for this one, so Cards QB Kyler Murray should be able to sling it around with relative ease. His best weapon, WR Deandre Hopkins is Questionable with a lingering ankle injury, but he’s been playing through it so far and it hasn’t seemed to slow him much. I think this is the week the magic runs out for the Seahawks, and they take their first L of the season. Russell Wilson can’t bail them out EVERY time. Probably. This game is likely to be the stylistic opposite of the Monday nighter, because...

MNF: Chicago Bears at Los Angeles Rams (-6)

...all signs point to this being a butt-ugly game. I like good defense, don’t get me wrong, but nobody should purposely watch Nick Foles and Jared Goff play QB against competent defenses. I suppose I can see some entertainment value in getting to see both Aaron Donald and Khalil Mack torment quarterbacks in the same game, but I think I’m gonna pass for the same reason that I don’t really like to watch animals get eaten in nature shows. I get that it’s the way things are meant to happen, but damn. I’m a real wimp, by the way.

Last Week’s Record: 7-7

Season Record: 44-38-4

[solarbird]

The Armourer and the Living Weapon, Chapter 2: the emptied chamber

As before, CW: this story is going to get pretty fucked up. Archive tag: violence. Also note: I categorically do not write non-con/rape or underage. [AO3 link]

And then, one day, she was gone.

Emily howled like a banshee when she heard. A perfectly ordinary mission, a perfectly ordinary encounter with a decidedly, almost determinedly predictable opponent, and - gone? Just like that? No. Refusal, in purest, distilled form.

She spent an evening raging on the training grounds, injuring half a dozen opponents, all but killing one in her fury.

She spent a night barely sleeping, barely thinking, being apart so different now, so much worse because suspicions or not, she had no true idea where her lover might possibly be.

She spent a morning raging at Akande, demanding the right to follow, to retrieve, and was, again, refused.

She spent an evening demanding the same from the greater council, and was yet again, refused. "Impossible!" she shrieked, bursting out into the hallway. "I will not have it! I won't!"

Quietly, at the back of the table, one member of the council smiled, as the armourer stormed back to her workshop, ordering everyone out, and grabbed her rifle, enough standard rounds to kill an army, all the experimental rounds she'd made, every single one of them, and the chain grapple she'd made for herself, knowing that her unenhanced body would be wracked with pain, injured every time she used it.

She did not care, not at all. If they won't try to retrieve her - I will. And I'll make them stop me.

She made it further, far further, than she should've, then she could've rationally expected.

She made it past the therapist, and her security escort, roused to talk her down.

She made it past the security cordon, roused quickly to sedate and jail her.

She made it past the soldier ring, who weren't expecting anyone like her - certainly, not coming from the inside.

And, shoulder aching, exhaustion creeping up her spine, she made it 20 metres outside the base entirely - just short of her waiting flyer - when her neck suddenly stung, and her vision turned grey, and her skin turned numb, and her arms turned leaden, and the ground came up to meet her, fast, too fast, far too quickly for her even to say hello, before the world snapped hard to black.

-----

[Oasis]

She floated, freely, in the haze, slowly becoming aware of that, slowly becoming aware of her own existence. So calm. So still. So bright. So quiet. So unlike herself, and yet, so familiar, so like herself, so right.

Is this death? she thought. No... that can't be it. Death is... death is... peace, but not questions... and that was a question...

She didn't move. She didn't feel any urge to move, either. But if she listened, listened with her body, and not her ears, she could feel, she could feel motion, she could feel... what? She could feel her blood flowing. She could feel her heart slowly beating, she could feel everything in the little world that was her own.

What? What is... that?

A whisper. The faintest of whispers, a voice she knew, but not the one she wanted, a voice familiar, but not the one she loved, but... a voice. And words - "Ah, my lovely, do you feel it? Starting to rebuild in there, are we? Good."

She could feel so much, and yet, some things, she could not feel at all. With a beautiful clarity, she felt every strand of muscle, every shaft of bone, every length of tendon, every fibre of carbon and metal, every drop of blood, and oh, blood, there is so much of it, but so little past that, nothing outside...

Outside. There is a boundary? Yes. Of course. Skin. She has skin. Of course, she has skin, and she can feel it. So obvious, and yet, somehow, now, so novel, as though she'd never truly realised it before, not even before before, and she knew there was a before, even if she couldn't quite say what it must have been.

"There was so much," said the voice, "that we had to burn down, with Lacroix. So much to suppress, so much to rebuild, to form into your image - and ours." Fingertips, suddenly, along one arm, like electricity, like fire, and she felt as if she screamed, but didn't scream, and didn't even want to, but should have, all from the intensity of the touch.

"All that, when we already had *you*. We even knew it - well, I knew it - that's why you were the perfect template. You were already so completely, utterly prepared. And yet, we wasted so many months making a muted copy... but, well, you know that, or you will, again, in a few minutes. After all, you were there." A small laugh, and the touch vanished.

"And all you have to do is bring her back to us," the voice cooed. "Bring her back to me. Something you begged us to let you do. Then we can take all the things we've learned, making you, and give them to her, too, just like we've given them to you. And then you will both be together, and all - all will be forgiven."

I get to bring her back, she thought, and smiled, at least, inside. I have... I have a task. I have a mission. How... wonderful...

"Ah, almost there," said the voice. "Are you ready to be standing?" She realised the voice was louder now, and had been growing so, the entire time. She'd focused on it, so intently, so completely, and yet missed that most obvious point.

Moira, she knew, feeling herself take a long, slow breath. Moira O'Deorain. I know her. She found herself knowing many more things, many more things she'd already known, as if lights were turning on, one at a time, inside herself, her ability to conceptualise expanding, growing. The doctor. The one who...

"Ah, your first breath entirely on your own. How does it feel for you to be alive again, I wonder? It's been twelve weeks, you know - or, well, you know now."

Balance, she thought, feeling being poised, ready, in an effortlessly familiar way, and gravity, the pull of gravity, aware of it, at last. I'm not floating, I'm... standing.

"Are you ready to see?"

She was. She opened her eyes, spotted a running, ducking human target, and reflexively, without thinking, without needing to think, sighted that target with the metal and carbon extension of herself she held in her arms, and shot it down. She felt the bullets fly, so pure, so fast, so quick; blood spilled from the shattered skull as the body which had supported it slumped to the ground, heart still beating, at least, for a moment, spurting blood, and she admired the splatter, from her stance, not needing to move, watching the blood pool, so bright, so red, and felt it, through every cell of her body, through sinew and bone, through nerve and steel, through heart and soul, and it took what was left of her breath completely away.

"Beautiful," said the voice, by her side. "Superb."

She licked her cool, lavender lips, with a cool, violet tongue, shivered with pleasure, and turned to the good doctor beside her, appraising her anew through brilliantly silver eyes. "Delicious."

"Do you know your name?" asked the Talon doctor, the one who had given her everything she ever wanted, for a price she did not yet know. "Tell me who you are."

"Oilliphéist," she said, without thinking, just knowing, having never said or heard the word before, yet she knew, it was a great, ravening beast - as was she. "I am Oilliphéist."

"Perfect."

-----

[London]

Widowmaker lay next to a sleeping Tracer, gazing at the foolish girl's head, amused by the insanity of that hair despite the swirl of thoughts keeping her awake. This entire plan is falling apart, she thought.

What else could go wrong? she asked herself. It'd seemed so simple, at the time. So obvious. Pretend to fall in love with the irritating teleporter. Arrange a "defection," and get away from the abusive mess that is Talon. They'd finally accept Emily's petitions to upgrade, and send her out to bring her back. She'd help Emily break the conditioning, as she learned so well now how to do, and then Emily would have everything she ever wanted, they'd be together, and Widowmaker would be free. They could freelance. They could buy an island with a condominium on it. It would be wonderful.

Instead - nothing. Emily hurt, badly, trying some sort of mad run to retrieve her without upgrades, after being refused yet again. No concerted recall effort - just an "acquire if encountered" order, according to Sombra. And worst of all - worst of all - discovering she'd actually fallen for the hyperactive little idiot across from her in bed.

Disaster. Complete disaster.

Ah, well, she thought, at least it makes the acting easier. She smirked at herself. Acting is trivial if you don't actually have to act.

She rolled over, facing away from her new lover, and checked her dead-drop boxes again. Nothing... then, she blinked, and there was something, something new, appearing as she watched.

Hey, Chica, it's your best friend -

I'll keep this short. The official story? It was bogus. Most of the club haven't figured that out yet, but turns out Doc Two-Tone's been working on her out of town, and from what I hear, looks like she got your present after all.

But watch out, she's not a backup copy, she's a version two. Keep your eyes open. I don't know what new features have been bundled in, and you know what Two-Tone is like when she really gets going. She might not know either.

Good luck.

She'd signed it, "your favourite chupacabra" - one of Sombra's many running jokes the spider didn't understand.

"Mmmm?" she heard, from the woman next to her. Damn, she thought. The light from the screen woke her up.

The Overwatch agent rolled over and nuzzled the back of her neck. "G'morning, love. Whatcha lookin' at?"

The spider took a long, deep breath. I think... it is time to come clean.

[analogguyinadigitalage]

The Silencer…by Scott Connors

What if everything about you was a lie? Your name, your history, your family, all a cleverly crafted creation. Forged birth certificate, phony Social Security card, bastardized transcripts from schools and universities, fake driver’s license, the whole thing, a sham. Imagine having to lie to everyone in your life. Your wife, your children, your friends, but the more you lie the more the lie becomes the truth. I thought of this as I lay in bed next to my wife Kimberly who is sleeping soundly with not a care in the world.

 On the day of my eighteenth birthday I was pulled out of the orphanage where I had lived since my parents died in an auto accident, or so I was told. I was taken to an estate far out in the country and led into a room of twenty others just like me, all orphans all turning 18. Chandler (if that was his real name) stood in front of us for quite awhile before speaking. He looked more like an accountant than a spymaster, with his bald head, tiny round eyeglasses, bags under his eyes, and scuffed shoes, but as I would soon come to realize looks are deceiving.

 “You have been brought here to be of service to your country. You all turn eighteen today and as such, are now legal adults. You are all orphans, have no families and therefore cannot be compromised. You will all spend one year here.  You will be schooled, given new identities and trained hard and long. After your year here, your years in the orphanage will seem like a cake walk.”

 Always the rebel, from my seat in the back of the room I said, “And what if we don’t want to be of service to our country and stay here for a fucking year? Like you said, we’re all adults and you can’t make us.” I leaned back in the chair, folded my arms across my chest a smirk spreading across my face, the contempt seething from every pore of my body. Chandler smiled, walked down the aisle and kicked the legs out from under my chair sending me sprawling across the floor. All eyes in the class were on me and the silence loomed in the room, everyone waiting to see who would make the next move. He spoke in an almost whisper like a parent whose had enough of an insolent child. “In the case no one here wishes to be of service to their country, we’ll turn you over to local law enforcement somewhere with charges which I guarantee will stick which will put you away for life. Try telling them or anyone else about your time here and you’ll be classified insane, which will lead to incarceration in a psychiatric facility which we control and from which I promise you there is no release. Just as fast as I kicked your chair from under you and sent you sprawling is how fast I can kick your life out from under you and send you sprawling to prison. Questions? Good we start tomorrow morning. Get some sleep you’re going to need it.” The room fell silent, he exited without another word, guards appeared and we were escorted to our rooms for the night.

 That was forty years ago to the day. Today I turned fifty-eight years old, home, wife, kids, edging in on retirement and it’s all been a ruse. I see the crow’s feet around Kimberly’s eyes as she sleeps and I remember when her skin was smooth and wrinkle free, but time takes its toll on us all in different ways. The long blonde hair covers the pillow like fine straw, the full lips I first kissed in a bar in Athens, she on a college break, me on my first assignment, the lips which I’m sure have never uttered a lie to me, unlike mine which have done nothing but. Her chest rises and falls with each breath and I can’t help but think how she would react if she knew the truth. Many times over the years I’ve wanted to tell her, been tempted to tell her, but the inevitable question always arises, then what? Crickets chirp outside our suburban home window as I stare out into the blackness of what is my life.

 Chandler appeared the next morning and scrawled three lines on the blackboard:

Deception Is Essential

Deception Is Everything

DIE

He let the three lines sink in before speaking. “Your lives will be all about deception. And if you fail to deceive you will die. So remember those three little letters D I E and remember what they stand for. They will be your mantra throughout your life. You will deceive our enemies, you will deceive your family’s and loved ones, you’ll deceive everyone you meet and should you fail to deceive you will die and I can guarantee that.”

 The moon cast an eerie light on the dresser in our bedroom lighting up the framed picture on our dresser of our two daughters Sasha and Jade. Another portrait hung on the wall of the four of us; the quintessential American family. Deep down I knew we were far from that, or I should say I was far from it. My wife and the girls know nothing of the stranger who lives in their midst, the interloper who has cohabitated and co-existed in their family these past years. The girls, both grown now with families of their own would be devastated if they were to ever find out the truth. A dog barks in the distance and my senses, ever keen even at this age bristle with foreboding. The house is well protected with alarms and I am well armed.

 Chechnya, Uzbekistan, Georgia, Moscow, the list reads like a bad spy novel, and I’ve spent time in them all. I’ve turned more agents than a hotel maid turns bed sheets. I’ve killed men, women, and even children I’m ashamed to say. All in the name of God and country. In my early years I was a machine, a robot programmed to carry out commands and make sure every mission was completed and I carried complete immunity and cover for my actions, all assured by my ability to deceive.

 My cover was as a job as a Defense Department contractor. RBK Industries supposedly manufactured and sold weapons sights. Our office, a nondescript brick building in an industrial park looked like any other. The building as well as the industrial park was owned by the agency and we actually went to trade shows like a legitimate business and solicited customers; deception is essential. I travelled all over the world under the guise of a businessman. And my business was to deceive.

 And deceive I did. When I found the father of one of my daughter’s friend had sexually abused her, I wanted to kill him, which certainly was easy enough for me to do and get away with, but instead I arranged for the authorities to find kiddie porn on his computer and illicit transactions to overseas banks linked to the white slave trade. Once arrested, his daughter became the star witness for the prosecution. The last I heard he was being passed around for cigarettes in an unnamed correctional facility.

 Murder wasn’t the issue. I killed on command. I wasn’t judge or jury, I was merely the executioner. Murder dictates deception. You must deceive your target to get in close enough for them to hear your whisper when you thrust the knife into their heart. In many cases it was about justice not murder and the two don’t always go hand in hand. I thought back to the handful of lives I’d taken in my career. There was no guilt or remorse. Chandler and his goons had indoctrinated in us a sense of patriotism and service to country, moralism be damned.

 Now in the winter of my career I had cultivated my biggest coup ever. I single handedly was getting ready to turn a very senior Russian Kremlin official whose defection would shake their government to its core. The defection took years to develop. It was so secretive I let no one in the agency even know. I kept no files at the office; everything was in my home office where I knew it would be safe from the prying eyes of my office mates who were always trying to one up each other.

 One last coup and I would retire with honors. I’ve thought about this every day while driving to work, while staying in safe houses all over the world, while making love to my wife. Keep your eye on the prize I’d tell myself. I’d put a little away, and with my pension, we’d be able to sell this house and retire to a place I’d been paying on in Florida. The ocean always provided me with solace, because the ocean keeps its secrets too.

 I thought of all this as I felt my wife place the ice-cold silencer to my temple.

[xb1maverick-cw-blog]

Made the suggestion (on Twitter, Reddit as well as in the official forums) over a year ago when the first debates over separating the DZ in PvP & PvE started... I still stand by my suggestion in the wake of Rogue 2.0.... Instead of having to toggle in the DZ to go Rogue, why not make your PvP or PvE choice before entering the DZ? You chose PvP, the DZ is as it's always been; Beautiful, chaotic hell (<- That's coming from a mostly solo PvE'er so... :D)...ya wanna farm NPCs, do so knowing ya can get ganked & if ya wanna farm farmers...know ya can do that too!. You chose PvE, you run around with maybe a “no entry”/circle with a slash through it symbol by your gamertag so other players know your "passive" & not to waste their bullets on ya. No separate PvE/PvP Dark Zone needed. Solo farmers can go do their thing, even pause their farming if they happen across a PVP fight to stop and watch who wins (hell, that'd be me; clapping for the victor(s) lol!). And, if they get froggy and wanna tango, a simple re-toggle in a checkpoint (checkpoints only; the toggle option not being available in DZ safehouses) can set them to going out and joining the gun fights. No limit on how often you can re-toggle your choice; as long as it's done from a checkpoint. But, hey...leave the in-DZ toggle button too! Why? Cause, as LikeButter mentioned in his one vid, it'd be a great way to say 'Hey! I wanna fight! Come at me, bruh!" FeelsBadMan for the Manhunts (can't believe I'm saying that but, yeah! lol). Heard someone say it's fair Rogues/Manhunts can get camped at SHD terminals since they camp checkpoints for people to gank... No, it ain't fair! It's a couple of people waiting outside a checkpoint for other players that may never come out cause they were smart enough to fast travel to a different checkpoint to come out of versus potentially a WHOLE server camping a station for one-to-four peeps that only have that one location to chose to cleanse their status at. Either a couple terminals scattered from DZ01 up to DZ09 need to be placed to give the Manhunts other places they can go if they round a corner and the server is waiting....OR make only a small, general location known to the rest of the server so they HAVE to DO their JOB and HUNT for the Manhunts...OR...novel idea here; BOTH suggestions! I SUCK at PvP in The Division; that's widely known. But...I DO love it too though! It's some insane, heart-pounding action. But there's days I just wanna get my 30 items extracted for my weekly and GTFO while on other days (not as rare as you'd think) I wanna go slap some Rogue in the face with the butt of my Enhanced ACR! I LOVE the idea of the Rogue toggle cause, honestly, I appreciate the heads-up of the alert when others go. I can decide if I wanna "fight or flight"! (Which, truthfully, I'm finding myself sticking around to try to have a fight if someone near marks cause it's not a terrifying surprise and if I die, least I KNEW it was coming instead of just sudden facing a death screen!). But, I feel it could be better used like an extraction flare;"I'm here to PvP, bitches! Lets rumble!" (In 1.8 PTS, this is what I was doing. Marking myself Rogue to try to attract people to come play...which they did and it was a BLAST!)...but only AFTER you've dedicated to YOUR choice to PvP and anyone ELSE'S that ain't running a "passive" sign overhead as well. ...That's my .02$ on the topic of Rogue 2.0. I don't care who likes or lumps it. I just LOVE this game...and don't wanna see it die a ugly, painful death cause some butt-hurt snowflakes are on their rags cause they think The Division is fucking Burger King; they should have it their way! Can we just PLEASE drop the bloody damn tags of "PvPer" and "PvEer" for a hot minute and think, wonder & do what's best for the GAME and COMMUNITY as a whole?!?