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Took the bro to spar some guys this morning, he held his own 💪🥊
#wallah I am so proud of him#God knows we've had to train at odd hours on like zero sleep coz I've been so busy during exams#but Alhamdulilah it's paying off#12 days notice#6 days to go#let's do thisss#charity event#a little support goes a long way#my bestfriend > yours#no boxing no life
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I love gilora so much and it's a shame she's a one episode wonder in destiny. 'chief o'brien I would never neg you for being a human! goodness, can you imagine. I'm negging you for being a man in STEM'
she's such a funny window into a side of cardassian culture we haven't been allowed to peek into before this. 'I'm here to do science eat alien food and more importantly eat alien p -- ' *ulani hurriedly claps a hand over her mouth to avoid a diplomatic Incident*
#star trek#star trek ds9#ds9#she came to this station to fuckboy it up and Lounge and by god I support her so much fhsdkdsa#also obviously the garashir implications it immediately invites. good stuff all around#I adore the cardassian scientists in this ep#also I just imagine the obisdian order agent and garak meeting each other's eyes accidentally on the promenade and being like#'O_O okay. but that is frankly none of my business' at each other. see entek a little bit of obsidian order solidarity goes a long way
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You're my World
Doesn't matter where we are as long as we're together.
New Pride Flags Makeup (AXL Edition) by @pinkyjulien 💛
#cyberpunk 2077#kerry eurodyne#kerry eurodyne x v#male v cyberpunk#masc v#vincent ezaki#cp2077#Cyberpunk2077#cyberpunk vp#cp2077 vp#cyberpunk photomode#virtual photography#my vp#otp: to bad decisions#;_____;#so happy about this updated mod and that I can slap these on them now whenever I want and also in combination aaaahhhh#like I said last year with my pride pics - I don't think that kerry doesn't really give a shit about labels xD#the medias are gonna say what they're gonna say anyway and create drama out of nothing#and he is comfortable in his own skin and doesn't see a need to label himself in whatever way#so he isn't all that into going to pride anymore (even if that was probably very different when he was younger)#vince though who couldn't be himself for a too long time goes every year and loves to celebrate it with others#even if he tends to be a bit more private about personal information otherwise - so this is a great opportunity#to be himself openly and fully - because he is confident and comfy and anything but ashamed and wants to make sure people keep that in mind#and then of course kerry come's along to support him and maybe is even down to dress up a little bit#or will allow Vince to put some rainbow makeup on him at least - and in a way it's very cute and reminding him of when he was his age#and yeh uwu just sharing experiences and going places together and celebrating their love and all#cyberpride2024
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HEY so I have just been told that my estrogen dose is being DOUBLED which for lots of reasons is absolutely amazing and really cool (i am so excited !!!!) but it does mean that I have to pay twice as much for it, if you have the money I would rlly appreciate if you could help out!
Here’s a link to my patreon!! £1 patrons genuinely help me out so so much AND youll get access to all of my exclusive content !!! Thank u sm ! ❤️🏳️⚧️
#thank u all sm !#I am currently not making any money because I’m taking a little mental health break#(because I am VERY hormonal and it’s quite a lot)#so the only way I can pay for food and bills is my patrons at the minute so I REALLy appreciate your support !!!!!!!!!#if you have £1 to spare it goes a rlly long way ;o;
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Hey I'm graduating college in may and I just kinda realized that I'll be Done Done with school after that. Not fake-done like I was graduating high school, where I'd have to go to college at the start of the fall. And not fake-done like I was in any of my semesters I took off.
Done Done. As in I accomplished my degree, and I won't ever have to go back to school if I don't want to. What a beautiful, beautiful thought.
#speculation nation#i enjoy learning but not in school. school is the soul killer. there's a reason it's taking me 10 years to get my bachelors.#failed classes and switched majors and part time school (so i could work and pay my way thru) and semesters taken off...#for 9 and a half years now it's been a fucking shadow hanging over my head.#just gotta keep going just gotta persevere. slow and steady wins the race.#and well im nearly there now. holy fuck tho i didnt miss full time school lmfao#i went to part time a few years back to save my fuckin self bc it was just *impossible* to do full time school And work to support myself.#and even part time school plus a job was horrible. but i did it anyways.#and here i am now with my lovely life insurance from my awful paternal death. life sure happens as it will huh.#which will let me complete school in a neat 10 years. graduated high school in 2015 and college in 2025. wild.#not glad my dad died but im grateful that ive gotten this opportunity afterwards.#sure is strange the ways life goes.#anyways yeah im in deadlines hell rn with all these fucking projects but ONCE I FINISH THEM#i will be done with this semester. my second to last semester.#theyre releasing class schedules today for next semester too and im a little antsy. cant edit until next week regardless#but i wanna KNOWWWWW what i got. best case scenario i get my 3 classes i need to graduate#plus my orchestra and bowling. so i have a full 12 credit hours. to be full time still.#im scared of not having gotten 3 classes bc theyre selectives yea so i dont need These classes Specifically#but also it'll be a pain in my fucking ass if i have to go scrounging. and i wanna have my first choices...#but we'll see. i selected several fall-through options and i dont need any single specific class to graduate.#so long as i have 3... thatll be enough...#AUGHHHHH college!!!! im almost done!!!!! i might get straight As this semester!!!!!! exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to email my professor about setting up the book meeting lol. i should do that today.
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i'm really not trying to start an argument here (for the love of god don't) if you're going to be nasty/rude, please just move on.
but könig's VA — jim boeven — with all the "sigma male" posts on his twt/insta... and how he immediately shut down the idea of könig liking plus-size people, with zero hesitation.... and was kinda standoffish about it........
i'm not gonna say anything else..... but you guys know what i'm thinking....
#he doesnt have to AGREE with every headcanon#but like#a little fanservice goes a long way bro#stop being a douche to the ppl trying to support you 💀#rachel speaks#not writing
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Woah hey epic reminder that I have a kofi page
Had to dig up my old ko-fi recently so I figured I'd put it here since tee support really helps out a lot, so if you'd like to chip in then a magical bunny will appear!! and give you one (1) single kiss!!
Anyway here's the link I love you all forever and ever
#In all seriousness though any support does mean a lot right now#last few months have been a little all over the place money-wise and I haven't been able to get through enough commissions to really keep up#and while I'm definitely getting back into the swing of things. any help I can get goes a really long way :0#WILL be doing another comm opening next week so if you'd rather wait until I can give something in return I completely understand#<- main reason I'm talking about this all in the notes rather than the post itself
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man i make such different critiques for uu and ls lmao
like for ls i tend to critique the members' actions while for uu i tend to critique its editing (i also do vice versa ofc but not nearly as often as those), ig this has something to do with my expectations of each respective server; for ls the member interactions are what im there for, while for uu the storytelling is what im there for. on the other hand i basically never critique plot points lmao, as far as im concerned shit just happens sometimes and thats ok
#mine.txt#if lsers act ooc or in incongruence with either the principles of improv rp or their own words it Will bother me#but if their vids suck and/or is full of lies then thats just the name of the game baby#unless their vids are the only way we see their pov#in which case if they lie im killing myself in front of them to change the course of their life forever#it can still suck tho i fully support lsers making shitty unprofessional 2013-era style vids#if uu vids have some weird error or formatting or i just. dont like the way something is edited#then im biting my nails and chewing on walls#but if they act a lil weirdge or Not NormalTM then as far as im concerned thats just them being mentally ill and irrationally human#as long as they dont do something that seems a little Too ooc that is#im not actually sure how much of my critiques i post on here#but at the very least this is what goes on in my head
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Women’s self-image is as negative as ever despite the “body positivity” wave of choice feminism. Why?
I think one of the biggest reasons as to why women’s beauty standards and self-image are worse than even is because you can preach about unfair beauty standards all you want and tell women not to make fun of another woman’s looks but you can’t take away the social status and praise that women who are “beautiful” get from society (both men and women). You give them clout and praise them. Something both “body positivity” and “body neutrality” feminists do btw despite all the talk about acceptance.
It’s like saying you don’t support the ethics behind a product and yet still consume and buy it. In this case “beauty” being a luxury achieved via consumerism where women become the products (objects) that other women admire and obsess over. There is a demand so there is a supply PERIOD.
Women might not directly pursue beauty (“I do it for myself”) for men but nonetheless it’s definitely ingrained as a sign of status and that’s enough to cause a negative self-image in women who don’t participate. Men might have been the original perpetrators of installing unrealistic beauty standards for women but the victims (women) have also turned into perpetrators who can’t let go of the misogynistic status symbol of having value from appearances because it’s considered “culture”.
#ic.text#this goes for many spaces and#why I low key have little faith that women will every be free form this hyper fixation on looks#so you support hairy women and healthy eating but look at the own you praise#even if you’re not shit talking may women and saying positive words#it doesn’t go unnoticed how certain women are still valued#men don’t have a these self esteem issues because they are largely INDIFFERENT towards even handsome men#and this is why this whole ‘body positivity”’ from libfems to ‘body neutrality’#from radfems is just fake and two sides of the same coin#as long as you have have a constant steam of praise and clout for women#then women WILL be hella self-aware and conscious about their looks#how can’t they when ‘oh women pretty’ is constantly throw on their faces#that’s why women self monitor and all your ‘ x feature is pretty’ or ‘ have a neutral opinion on X feature because we’re human’ will never#work when you turn around and praise ( so raise the status of and regard) conventionally attractive women who perform femininity#it’s the leading cause as to why women pursue beauty - for praise and status - so of course the incentive will always be there#and to me it makes a lot of sense because if tomorrow there arose a kind of culture within society where attractive men who#really groomed themselves where praised to high heavens#whether women finally having standards for men or men casually valuing super handsome men#( without putting any ‘ugly’ men down for their looks)#a lot of men would subconsciously pick up on the new valored social status and want to peruse it#but they don’t have that culture that surround them AT all ( unlike with wome) so you don’t see men#with the bajillion complexes that women have - men have no incentive#they hardly ever get reminded that handsome men are valuable#the way women are valued by BOTH men and women for their beauty#tldr: both body positity or body neutrality are ineffective if you still give status into women who DO fit the standard#women and girls aren’t blind and will absolutely go for whatever gets them praised when if it’s harmful because the feedback/acceptance/#praise/money etc is WORTH it
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Adorned by stars | Changing States
When he hits the I-70, Jeremiah slots George Michael’s Faith into his ’98 Accord and drives with the windows down. His mother would chide him for two reasons: a) he’s wasting fuel and b) it’s begun to storm. But he likes the way the wind shears through his hair like a nail breaking drywall and he likes the way spats of rain settle on his skin like constellations because on the road, he isn’t just a hand for someone else to hold, a body to handle, a man who looks at another man and fears how much of himself he’s lost in his reflection. No. On the road he is the sky, adorned by stars of his own making, relentless in his abundance, blinking in the absence of any other light.
A little Changing States aesthetic & excerpt!
i'm so normal about him i'm so normal i'm so normal i'm so-
#i can't wait to explain more about this project when I actually get into it#like there's no plot rn but the vibes are impeccable#BUT I DO HAVE A LOGLINE: after a whirlwind romance devastatingly ends#jeremiah moves back to his hometown in maryland for support#only to receive word there’s been a death in the family the day he's set to arrive.#“WHIRLWIND ROMANCE DEVASTATINGLY ENDS” YEAHHH BYEEE#harrison fucked this man up i'm MADDDDDD#you know that scene in BB where harrison's pissed off at the congregation and turns and goes DO ANY OF YOU WANT PITCHFORKS???#the answer rn should be yes BECAUSE WE'RE HUNTING HIM FOR SPORT (quoting That Post) anyway let me be serious#CW: death/grief talk#like i said this is a little autofiction-y in the sense that last yr my family had a maryland trip planned and right before we left#there was a death in the family (I didn't know the person well but it affected my parents/grandparents/uncles a lot)#so what was a trip to just see family was a trip to go to a funeral#anyway I was thinking about those circumstances and what that's like (like packing funeral clothes when they weren't originally in the plan#and what that funeral was like/how interesting it is that times of grief are also times where family reuintes#as I saw people who wouldn't have ever met me or last met me when I was very little#it was also joyous in ways etc while also being incredibly sad to witness the grief anyway so I was drawn to write about that#because I think about that trip a LOT (I was getting back into SV at the time)#and that was the first time I'd been in MD in a long time (just like this is the first time Jeremiah's been in MD in a long time)#for me it was 4 years so maybe I'll make it a similar timeline for him!#anyway Jeremiah means so much to me ughhhh I’m so grateful I created him#changing states
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is episode 8 the domitian arc ? more on this and EVEN MORE narratives i’ve been ignoring that the show said “actually,,,” about in 5
#hermes staying domitian’s hand… hermes’ face a flash of discomfort when he was torturing tenax… hmm. character growth.#WHAT WAS THAT HERMES. WHAT WAS THAT LOOK. NO GIRL GET BACK HERE I CANNOT ALSO DO THIS NARRATIVE OF YOU NO LONGER ABLE TO PULL HIM BACK FROM#THE BRINK OF HIS CRUELTY WATCHING HIM CHANGE AND SEEKING OUT SOMEONE ELSE IN HIS NEED AND FEAR AND ANGST. NO BABY GIRLLLL#I DON’T WANT TO WRITE A HERMES POINT OF VIEWWWW OF THE SIX YEARS HE SPENT WATCHING DOMITIAN BLOOMMMM INTO HIS POWER AND CORRUPTTTT because.#correct me if i’m wrong but in that very first scene that was a young hermes in the white right he watched domitian give his speech and saw#his father to truly see him the whole time as hermes has seen his brilliance.#NO I ALSO SAW THAT GUARD’S HEAD FOLLOW HERMES oh i hate it here. you know what i also hate? i need domitian to be successful for tenax#but also i do kinda like titus… NOOOOOO NO KILLING TITUS DOMITIAN I JUST SAID I LIKED HIM!!!! DOMITIAN!!!#oh. ohhhh no. OH NOOOO okay listen we can redeem this. we can have the whole turning point of the narrative be domitian’s mercy of hermes#the ultimate staying of his hand. proving he’s not entirely gone that hermes & his love still means something. do i think this will happen#no absolutely not. before he can kill his brother domitian has to kill the only other living person he loves perhaps more than titus if he#could ever realize it. (a brief interlude to yell LET’S GO LESBIANS LET’S GO HI IRIS) domitian… please spare him… OH WAIT HELLO THE BLOOD!!#ALSO a brief interlude to say i knew it was coming but ELIA’S SPEECH ABOUT LOVING INCITATUS??? I WAS ON THIS INCITATUS SHIT WITH THE LITTLE#NOD THEY HAD WHERE SCORPUS CALLED HIM TO BEAT XENON OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!! elia’s going to crush him. incitatus won’t listen.#scorpus is going to die twice once when they call elia’s name instead of his and then the second time when the scorpion bites him again#(he kills himself and tenax finds him. sorry to give everyone absolutely maximum damage here but uh. that’s how i can see it going down)#or alternatively worse: after killing titus who at times he loves and hates in equal measure (if y’all don’t think I have some UNHINGED#brothers quotes. we’ll keep mum here about why but suffice to say it is. relevant to other fandoms. and thus i have a Collection) the last#thing domitian has to do is kill hermes. and this one is both out of betrayal but also love because I think somewhere in here titus’ queen#berenice plays a role because domitian’s hatred of the jews probably comes to play a role and I think titus would show up and protect her#like Domitian engineers some kind of a situation where in theory titus could escape alive or beat him but he can’t do that & save berenice#and so of course he saved berenice. or she dies in his arms and he goes mad with grief and any way you put it berenice is the trap & titus#happily crawls into the lion’s mouth to save her for love of her etc and domitian sees him die for it. he gives titus every chance to come#back to him to work with him to be what he wants him to be and he always chooses himself he chooses love and domitian can’t understand even#when it makes him weak. and then he sees hermes dirty and emaciated and still terribly terribly beautiful and feels such a pang of longing#and love that he decides he has to die because he (domitian) cannot be weak. he cannot have any of it. also giving domitian worse paranoia#than he already has because if you kill your brother the one person who should always love you—support you—who can build me a new brother—#you’ve gotta generate some MAJOR issues. namely trust issues. and if he kills hermes they’ll be even worse. so like ideally To Me domitian#wouldn’t kill him but i do very much see the symbolism of cutting off his last earthly tie & desire to ascend to the divine imperial throne#those about to die
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kinda funny when ur brain’s gut instinct is repression so you just kinda watch while your stress and emotions get bottled and corked and the whole time ur just like “that is going to bite me in the ass so bad later but i can’t seem to open the damn bottles without getting glass everywhere so! guess we’ll wait”
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- not super but this is more negative than i like to be#sorry folks i’ve been mental illness posting a lot#maybe i should get checked for seasonal affective disorder. or maybe this is a trauma response? i DID nearly die this year#i dunno. the trauma stuff in particular is tricky bc if i try to unpack it before i’m ready i could basically just retraumatize myself#but if i wait too long then it’ll do some damage that way too. so i gotta time it right#what i really gotta do is actually contact one of these psychologists i got referred#i think i wanna go for a psychologist instead of a therapist bc i’d like the opportunity for medication/diagnosis if possible#i keep like. almost crying but every time it happens i’m like ‘YESSS CATHARSIS’ and then it goes away. fuckass brain#sighhh. i’m tired. i’m tired of resting too#but tomorrow is a holiday celebrated by eating good food with your family#so i’m gonna try to just enjoy myself and enjoy the day#and it’ll be nice#i’ll probably help cook which i always like doing#i got to chop chocolate tonight. it was really fun i like working with knives#didn’t even get any intrusive thoughts. just focused on making chocolate chunks#it’s satisfying to feel like you’ve made something. chopping things makes me feel like i’ve made something#i want to make more things. i’m really tired all the time lately (different from blood loss tired (i’m relieved i can tell the difference))#and being tired makes it harder to make things#but i’m at my happiest when i’m creating in some way. if you believe in purposes i’d say that was mine#i need to make things i need to put myself out into the world. that way i can look and say i existed. i did something tangible#sigh okay i’m gonna . stop here before this turns into mars shares all of her thoughtfeelings on public website tumblr.com#i know i literally liveblogged my colonoscopy prep to you all (thx again ppl who supported me then btw that was an awful night)#buuuuut i still wanna leave some parts of me a little mysterious. (<- is an open book)
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#the problem with writing an old mond fic that I'm trying to explore Topics with is#it has dwelved from 'I want to write about why Amos stuck with Deca for so long and the messed up love between them'#to. oh boy. googling the life of the last emperor of china of which I am morbidly facinated with.#(terrible spineless self centered coward of a guy. treated as god since age 4)#(but also general chinese emperors and royalty who all really sucked and basing deca and amos both on a lot of that)#to general little morality things bc. its a story of how amos was complicit/supportive of terrible things under deca but still joined rebel#to. reading about the causes of revolutions???? and writing that into old mond's inherit instability and why nb's revolution worked#into now. attitudes on the ethics meat consumption of bc amos is a hunter who grew up outside of old mond and its culture#and forced into old mond's culture (<- my backstory for her)#which also has implications of Amos having to struggle to reconcile her heritage culture with the one she has to live in now#........and though it I keep forgetting that the initial thing I wanted to explore is deca/amos Problematic(tm) love#which means the plot is now a dredged down mess I'll have to fix in a second draft#......uh for anyone who thinks this sounds interesting. no promises on it actually getting finished or being good#this has spirled way out of control from its initial inception#but ya know all art has a political slant to it and boy nothing says political like 'story about revolution' so we'll see how this all goes#(this is also why I don't write fic or stories often lol I take its ideas too seriously and it completely consumes me until I finish it)#personal //
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!! Ko-fi ☕!!
Just a little update y'all, I've finally decided to open up a Ko-fi account! I'm obviously not going to sit here and dawdle on about it too much, but if you'd like to buy me a coffee or just tip me in general, it (should?) be set up for you to do so!
In the future, I'd like the utilize Ko-fi as a means of early access to ficlets/drabbles, use the space to brainstorm future fics and content (mostly the ideas gathering dust in my drafts rn rip) as well as post occasional fic banner/character designs I create with official art (i do not use fanart unless the creator has gone on record to say it's alright with credit i promise).
Additionally, if you like the banners i create with my fics/characters, feel free to reach out and i can try and create a banner just for you for a coffee or two!
I still haven't gotten it allll set up quite yet, but the coffee shop is open so to speak lol.
So! If you'd like to stop on by and buy me and my crumbling financial situation between jobs a coffee (or two), please feel free to do so! I'd appreciate your support!
#ko-fi#ko fi#ko fi support#obviously i shouldn't need to go on record to say this but this isn't a requirement so to speak#but i do plan on putting up tiers for -early access- or -exclusive blurbs- that will only be featured on kofi#a little goes a long way in these trying time#and obvs if you dont have the funds or are supporting others instead- that's totally okay! just dont feel ~obligated~#personal
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Hello! Hello! Can I ask u smth?
How many more chapters till the end of “Taste of strawberries”?
Hi anon!
I’d say it’s approximately 35-40 more chapters to go. Give or take. Each chapter ranging between 1500-5000 words each.
I hope that doesn’t scare you off. 😉 Taste of Strawberries always was a T-Rex of a story. More like a Hayffie trilogy than a stand alone novel.
Honestly, a big reason why ToS hasn’t been finished yet (besides: life) is the lack of feedback.
I don’t know why it is - the small size of the fandom, the fact that ToS is taking forever to be finished or if people just don’t like what I write.
But man, sometimes I wonder if there’s some kind of universal Tumblr law out there which states that people cannot and must not comment on Taste of Strawberries whatever they do. 56 chapters in (if you include the ones split into parts), this WIP has gotten maybe 6 comments on Tumblr in total. 😱
Would ToS be finished by now, had it gotten more feedback? Absolutely!
Will the lack of it send it to the Graveyard of Abandoned Fics? Absolutely not!
So, it’s a promise: You will get to the end of ToS. And the best way to make it happen all the faster is the famous old go-to recipe: like, comment and reblog! ❤️
#hayffie#ask#anon#reply#sorry for rambling a bit#maybe I should’ve just shut up cause I don’t want to seem ungrateful to my readers ❤️ I cherish you with all my heart#but I was sweating over chapter 49 today decided to check in on tumblr and chapter 48 had gotten: 2 likes#and I was like: why am I even doing this to myself?#please don’t take your writers for granted#a little support goes such a long way and I’m not just talking about myself here but all creators in our teeny tiny fandom ❤️#hayffie week’s coming up :)#let’s go support our favorite creators#I won’t participate this time around but I’ll definitely be here cheering people on
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"Yup, I'm right here! See, you can touch me and everything!"
--
Richard and Pascal friendship is something I didn't know I needed to write
#wips#richard windor#pascal#fan art#mine#brain decided 4 AM was a good time to resume the graces fixation and I've been going ever since#this is for the sequel to my long fic in which Richard has ANOTHER mental breakdown after something bad happens to Asbel and Sophie#Pascal cheers him up bc she's good at cheering people up. She's actually a very sweet and generous person beneath her carefree whimsy#Like that post battle scene where she tries to give Richard her staff bc she thinks he's jealous of it 😂#In this fic she's been helping him this whole time from escorting him through the Wallbridge ruins to aiding w the valkines crisis#He's shocked that he never truly realized how much she's been there for him bc normally she's so hard to miss 😅#but his preoccupations w his other friends had been keeping him from making a new one until now#Richard needs someone to hold onto just as badly as Asbel needs someone to save#and here's Pascal radiating constant optimism and friendship just like Asbel did when they were kids#I hope I can write this as the beginnings of a beautiful friendship between them :)#I think Pascal could bring out his fun-loving side in a less trolling way than Malik and he can certainly support her endeavors#They're already swapping nicknames she's calling him 'Little Dickie' and he goes for 'Callie' in the moment 😂#there's room for romantic readings I suppose but I prefer platonic
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