#&&char: Jay Halstead

[evcryopeneye]

@rhdes asked: "We all make mistakes. That’s what happens when you’re brave enough to make decisions." ( for anybody you want ! )

“That’s rather philosophical.” Too much so for him, especially at the moment. Really, Jay simply didn’t want to be having this conversation, or any conversation, but that would have been rude and he wasn’t one to let his own bad mood affect the people around him. 

A deep breath, “it wasn’t a mistake.” His marriage had never been a mistake, the world had simply dragged them in two different directions. Sometimes Jay wondered if people were onto something when they said that it was near impossible to hold down such relationships while doing this job but it wasn’t like Hailey didn’t get it. 

The world was the one that made the mistake. In putting them together and then tearing them apart. They had grown into different people and Jay spent time trying to work out whos fault that was, but maybe that was a consequence of the constant death and violence their job surrounded them with. 

“At least it’s amicable, I can’t imagine having to spend half my time during a divorce in court.” 

[evcryopeneye]

He didn’t like being confronted like this, and yet Jay found himself oddly calm. He knew danger, he’d faced it many times and he had fought in warzones and…well the bits of Chicago one may liken to warzones.

“You sound like my therapist…” Jay observes, it’s more of a statement than anything else. “I have done…” A lot of bad things, bad things in the name of the greater good. Things he was ashamed of. Things that most people would think unforgivable. “Sometimes you do bad things to stop bad people and you have to live with that.”

"No. But you can move beyond it. Even as it tries to follow." Pain may never truly evaporate from the soul- but it DID change shape. Became easier, should mankind allow it to. "It will always be with you- this is true. It will steal your breath in the space between two numbers- but you give hope and ease the pain of those you aide. What makes you unworthy of that which you freely give others?"

[specialagentsoftie]

Faith | j.h. & h.u

*Gif doesn’t belong to me! Credits to the owner <3 Pairing: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton x Sister!Reader Requested: yes by anon! "I saw you said upstead requests were ok so maybe imagine upstead talking about kids but there's a reader character in it somehow, maybe poly upstead? you can choose how to add it in ❤️" Warnings: none? Word count: 1.2k ish A/N: so this was a concept/drabble request... but it got outta hand. and its now just a shorter oneshot. i have so much respect for char x char writers bc idk how yall do it. jesus. idk what im doing lorddddddd

Y/D/N (your daughter’s name) was born 6 months ago and every weekend since she got here, Jay and Will would take turns visiting you to see what they could do to make things easier. You loved the help.

Jay didn’t start bringing Hailey by until recently, but you enjoyed having your girl time again. It had been a while since you had the mental capacity for it.

This week, you could tell that the detective had something on her mind. Between the baby questions and her asking you when you knew you were ready for a baby… all the beating around the bush, you just decided to get to the point.

“You and Jay ever talk about kids?”

“Yeah, we have. It's just that...Jay would be such a great dad.”

“I agree. We love Uncle Jay, don’t we,” you cooed as you shoveled mush into the baby girl’s mouth. “So what’s the problem?"

“I just— I don’t know. Would I even be a good mom? How would I know if I'm ready? If we're ready? Babies and I aren’t really on the same page… and the job..."

“Oh come on. Hailey." You can’t stop the scoff that escapes from your lips. "You never know if you're truly ready or not, but I’ve seen you with kids, you’re great with them.”

“Kids aren’t the same as babies, Y/N!"

You rolled your eyes, knowing damn well that Hailey Upton would rather chase down bad guys and put people in jail than hold a baby.

“They’re so little and fragile,” she whined, her face twisting in discomfort at the thought of dropping one of them.

“You wanna practice?” you asked as you held out your daughter for Hailey to hold.

You really meant to give her a choice, you think, but you’re placing Y/D/N in the blonde’s arms before she even gets a chance to answer.

A rainbow of emotions appears on Hailey's face from confusion to shock, to panic as she realized there was an infant in her arms.

You let out a chuckle as you watch her mouth something to your brother and awkwardly bounced the baby on her chest. It was probably something like “what am I supposed to do with this”, but you knew she’d get it eventually.

After all, who could resist the sweet facial features you and your brothers seemed to share? Your daughter was no exception to Halstead genetics.

Jay quickly raised his hands in surrender and left the room, that knowing smirk on his face telling his girlfriend that she was doing fine and to figure it out.

Just like you expected, it didn’t take long for Hailey to melt from the happy girl’s giggles. No less than 20 minutes later, someone wasn’t ready to let Y/D/N go.

“Are you ever going to give me my baby back?” You laugh as you see the pout appear on Hailey’s face, hugging the little girl tighter in protest. “I’m just kidding, Hails. I’ve got a couple more things to do before I’ll need the munchkin.”

“She’s just so cute, Y/N. Look at those cheeks. Look at that smile! Oh my god, she’s smiling at me.”

“What can I say, she loves her Aunt Hailey,” you say as you walk over to where Hailey was sitting with your daughter propped up against her legs. You can’t help but admire the sight for a moment, before leaning over the back of the couch and giving her a rub on the shoulders. “And for the record, I think you’d be a wonderful mom.”

Hailey turns at your words, looking at you like you couldn’t possibly know that. But you did because for some people, you can just tell. It's so obvious.

You could tell by the way she looked at your brother, how much love she had for him and the trust they had for each other. When Jay got hurt, she was right there by his side, every second of the day that he had to stay in the hospital.

There was no doubt in your mind that Hailey was going to be the best mom to their kids.

“Really?” she whispers, and the small nod and smile you give her made her heart soar. You didn’t need to say anything else, she understood.

Standing up to return to your chores, you plant a comforting kiss on the crown of Hailey’s head.

It was something you started doing after you had your daughter and Hailey shut her eyes at the feeling, thinking about how much your validation meant to her.

You, being the ever-observant baby of the Halstead family, were the first one to notice there was anything going on between your brother and his partner. Since day 1, you were their biggest supporter.

You and Hailey were fast friends and you always saw her as the older sister you never had.

“I’m gonna steal her,” Hailey calls to you as you turned your back.

“Fat chance, blondie!” Your voice echoes down the hall, leaving her to continue playing with your daughter while you got things done.

Hailey, too infatuated by the tiny fingers wrapped around her own, doesn’t hear the soft footsteps making their way over to her.

“See? Even my sister thinks you’d be a great mom.” Jay’s voice broke the silence as he walked into the room, taking a seat next to his girlfriend on the couch. "And Y/N would know because she's one herself.”

“You heard that?”

“Mmhm."

“That was a dirty trick you pulled back there, leaving me alone with this little squish,” Hailey cooed, her finger stroking Y/D/N’s chubby cheeks.

“I knew you had it under control. You always do.”

“How do you Halsteads have so much faith in everyone? You and Will, and Y/N definitely has it the worst.”

Jay chuckled to himself, knowing that you had always been the best pep talker, even when you were a little kid.

“Well, that’s how our mom was and Y/N is, without a doubt, her mini-me if I ever saw one. I just wish mom could have met you. She would have loved you, so much,” he murmured as his hand came up to cup Hailey’s jaw, running his thumb over her skin lightly.

She leaned into his palm as he turned her face towards him and brought her lips to meet his.

Nothing happened, but moms hear everything. Even the almost indiscernible moan that escapes from Hailey’s mouth as Jay bit her bottom lip didn’t go unnoticed by you… all the way from the laundry room.

“I swear to god, Jay, if y’all are gonna make a baby right now, get your asses outta my house please!”

“We should get out of here,” Jay whispered and the blonde nodded eagerly.

Jay got up from the couch with his girlfriend riding his coattails, finding you in the house in record time and handing you back your kid like she was a sack of potatoes.

Y/D/N was giggling like a maniac at her uncle's manhandling and you manage to shoot your brother a "really?" look before you're tackled by another person.

“Thanks for the baby fix, Y/N/N!” Hailey chirped as she wrapped you in a quick, albeit tight, hug and gave a peck to your cheek.

“Go.” You shook your head as you chuckled to yourself and the two were holding in their own laughs as they fled from your doorstep, hand in hand like they were teenagers again.

When did you become the mature one around here?

Upstead Taglist

@sylvieshay

[bullet-prooflove]

I have an idea for a sub Mouse x dom reader writing piece but I need some advice.

The reader is a tall, commanding, high-ranking officer from the Norwegian Special Forces. she is like 6'4" and a friend of Will Halstead (maybe thats how Jay knows her) and she comes to visit Jay after she came back from a terrorism prevention job in the North Sea. She's friendly with Voight and they need some extra man (woman) power on a huge case, like the Yates one. See where is goes from there...

I was planning to write this but I'm really sick lmao (bronchitis or pneumonia) and I'm exhausted. I guess I'm tired of trying to find fanfics about rare (so to speak) characters that don't have the cliché sub female reader who's short and a pushover. I need a second opinion/POV.

Either way, I love your writing style and I know you don't like being restricted creatively (same), I was just wondering if you could write some sort of dom female military leader x sub Mouse one-shot. Kinda like inspiration points so I could see another writers POV on a topic like this so my writing doesn't end up dry and full of plot holes. I also just need reassurance that people will want to see something like this because at this point it's just for me. Mostly because my tastes and preferences are stupidly out of the gender "norm" and hard to find.

Thanks so much, let me know what you think (if you want!).

Hi!

So full disclosure this is not something I am going to write as it is very much out my wheelhouse - I have virtually no knowledge/experience of the military life esp command positions.

From my experience people love seeing their fav guys in a sub position, I have requests for Sub Will and Sub Connor and Sub Otis all the time. The trick is figuring out what makes them need that dynamic for it to come across as genuine.

An example is for Connor, he doesnt feel like he’s worthy of love, he needs someone to express it, to take care of him and make him feel like he is worth something to someone. The dynamic works for him on that level as it's the only way he can 'ask' for it.

With Will, he is so in his own head about his decisions, the choices he makes. When he has a bad day it's hard for him to get out of his own head, sometimes to the point where he simply cant speak and he needs his lover to bring him back to himself, to take control of the situation to vent his emotions.

With Brian he's more able to ask for what he needs but he craves someone else taking control because the decisions he makes endanger people, he needs someone else to take responsibility for a while. He needs to not have to think.

This will help you determine the kind of dom you are playing with. So usually I go soft Dom for Connor. A bit harder for Brian and Wil,l I feel like could flip flop either way.

Another thing you will need to consider in my opinion is Mouse's PTSD and how he would respond to certain dynamics. As someone who has been diagnosed with it twice for two separate issues I am very aware that there are certain situations and environments I wouldn’t put myself in again. - this is why I feel the way the show wrote him out was unbelievable.

So if you are planning to use terms like soldier or Sarge, which I believe was his rank, consider that these could be triggering. He has come along way in his experience with mental health, I would consider playing into that.

As for the character you are discussing. I feel Mouse would love how safe she would make him feel.

If you look at my writing over the past six months I don’t inc physical desc when it comes to female body type as I know it comes in all shapes and sizes, it's more appealing to your readers as they can imagine themselves or a char. I do add tattoos or scars because for me as a writer it helps me develop aspects of the reader character.

I hope all of this helped!

[yourheartbeat]

linstead appreciation week 2017 ⇾ day two

why they are endgame in your eyes

[agent-bash]

If Upstead were to have a kid/s or if you were to write a story of about it, what would you want their name/s to be?

Hey Nonny! So I've actually written a couple stories where Upstead have kids (you can read them here if you want). In those stories I used the names Oliver and Grace. I really love those names, and if I write another story about Hailey and Jay with kids or as single parents, then I might just recycle them, because again love those names.

Other names for boys

-Declan

-Sebastian (shout out to @fank0ne, they've got a series of one shots based around Upstead having a boy named Sebastian. Again another one of my favourite names)

-Lincoln

-Isaac

Other names for Girls

-Charlotte (who would refuse to answer to anything other than Charlie or Char. This is as a nod to the character Tracy played on Revolution)

-Noël/Noelle (think I've seen this one around, not sure though)

-Clara (tagging @anniesardors, here, clearly we share a brain on this one, I know this on was on her list too and it’s probably my favourite after Grace)

I don't know why these two, but there just something about Christmasy names that work (also they both sound really good with Halstead (and Upton if there was a single parent thing going on))

-Maia/Maya (Again think I've seen this one around but am not 100% sure. It's a name I like, and it speaks to Hailey's greek heritage)

-Moira (as either a middle name or an unused first name, mostly because it's my head canon that this Jay and Will's mom's name and they want to honour that, but it's been back burnered since the reveal this season that they have a cousin with the same name)

[procrastinatorimagines]

Okay Part 5

Fandom: One Chicago

Series: Okay

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8 (Final)

Pairing: Casey x Halstead!Reader

Warning/s: mentions of kidnapping, fire, PTSD ish?

Word Count: 2,304

Summary: After narrowly escaping certain death you decided to turn your life around and become a firefighter, and although it wasn’t easy, you survived your first week at 51. Now, the strange circumstances of your very first fire lead you to a second, deadlier act. As you dig deeper, aided by your brothers and your new firehouse, you begin to realise just how in over your head you might be.

Tags: @alievans007​ // @louiselikeswriting // @killjoys-make-some-noise-na-na​

Working your way back from the second crime scene to the first had been the plan for the day, keeping your radios on in case you got a call. The rest of truck had no problem with it; although you and Casey were the most invested, you knew the others wanted the same thing as you. To catch whoever was responsible and protect Lily.

Jay was waiting when you arrived, Hailey too. Voight had thankfully spared them, Jay had told you over the phone that they may have to leave at a moments notice depending on how the case they were working with Intelligence went. They’d leave a few unis there though.

Pulling up in the truck you saw just how much damage the fire had done, whatever accelerant this guy was using spread quicker. Kerosene Kelly reckoned, more combustable than flammable, meaning more likely to explode rather than just ignite.

You and Casey took up the front, Jay smiling slightly despite the circumstances at the sight of you in uniform. “Hey, what is it they call you? Candidate?” Jay gave you a slight hug in greeting as you rolled your eyes at his teasing. 

“Yeah, yeah, what we got?” You asked, following him inside with Casey to survey the damage. There was police tape everywhere, but it had been cleared by CSI already.

“This is where we found the mom and friend,” Jay told you both, the rest of truck waiting outside. He was pointing in the dining room, three places set up around the table where most of the damage had been done.

“Ignition point?” Casey asked, lingo you knew but would still have to get used to saying. Surveying the scene, all you saw was carnage, fire blasted walls and the charred remains of a nice home. But Casey was seeing something different, as was Jay. 

“We had OFI here earlier, you just missed them attending that collision this morning, but they said it was somewhere... here,” Jay gestured near the patio doors, the wall nearest the entrance black, the carpet practically gone as it had spread and you could definitely see why they suspected a combustable accelerant. “Lock was broken on the door, but there are no prints besides those you’d expect.”

“Three places,” you noted, glancing to the table, “Lily was supposed to be in here, you said she was found upstairs?” You didn’t look at Jay as you asked, too busy inspecting the room. Both the men in there with you may have been seasoned at what they did, but you hoped that your fresh eyes and new perspective might spot something the others missed. ‘Hoped’ being the key word.

“Yeah, don’t know why, she’s barely spoken as you know,” Jay answered, “but there was food on the plates.”

“Timer?” You and Casey spoke up at the same time, glancing at each other as Casey grinned your way. Guess you were picking this up quicker than you thought.

Jay looked between you with an unreadable expression before nodding. “Destroyed in the blast, but it was near the patio doors, automatic.”

Casey nodded thoughtfully, looking to you even though you could see the ideas forming behind his eyes. He wanted to see what you thought.

“It was supposed to kill them all,” you said, “for some reason Lily wasn’t at the table, maybe she went to grab something, go to the toilet... maybe her mom saw that she hadn’t washed her hands yet and made her go back upstairs to clean them like our mom always did with you,” you told Jay, who glared at you slightly as Casey chuckled under his breath.

“She’s escaped death twice now,” Casey said, following your eyes to her place at the table, “but why? We already know she must be the target, but how many enemies does a 7 year old have?”

Jay clenched his jaw, clearly wishing he had some kind of answer for you. “We’ve tried every angle we can think of,” Jay said somewhat helplessly.

“What about the charger?” You asked, remembering the car Intelligence had been looking into when you’d arrived at the hospital last night.

“Got a BOLO out, but our best guess is that either the cars been ditched or the plates have been swapped,” he replied, tone laced with frustration.

Casey ran a hand through his hair as he looked around the room, but it was clear to everyone that there was nothing solid here, or even some smoke to follow. So with a sigh Jay signaled for you guys to leave, the next stop was the first fire, where you and Casey had found Lily.

You sat next to Casey on the drive, the rest of truck discussing the case. Even though you tried to listen, you kept zoning out, the dread in your stomach getting worse with every passing second. You had nothing to offer this girl, no idea what was going on, and you hated feeling this useless.

Casey noticed your quite and nudged you with his leg. “You good?” He checked, trying to meet your eyes.

You shrugged and put on your best fake smile, “sure,” you said unconvincingly. But there was no time to challenge you, the truck was pulling up behind Jay’s car at the scene of the first fire.

The door was still taped up, Lily’s mom hadn’t had a chance to properly come back to the house to salvage much before she died. It felt strange being back here, seeing the remains in daylight when last time you’d seen it it had been burning in the night. With a breath you climbed out the truck, Jay saying something to an officer in a squad car on the otherside of the road, positioned there in case anyone tried to enter the house.

“Does Lily have any family?” Casey asked Jay as he joined you both on the front lawn. You were listening, but you found yourself unable to look away from the building, the peeling paint, the burn marks, the destruction...

“Grandparents in New York,” Jay replied, “and an estranged dad in Colorado, they split up a few years back but he’s on his way now, should be here soon.” 

You realised that the other two had made it to the front door and strambled to catch up, carefully stepping over the threshold and into the house with them. Memories of smoke and fire came flooding back as you walked, the smell of the ashes making you feel nauseous. You couldn’t explain, you’d been fire at the other fires since this one... mostly. There was something about this one that sent you back to that basement, maybe it was because you’d had a panic attack here, or maybe it was Lily and how you related to her. 

Whatever it was, you tried to push it down as Jay walked you around the house. There had been no broken locks in this house, compared to the broken patio lock in the friend’s, and the fire had started up stairs. Sort of.

“It looks like it was poured down,” you realised, staring at the wall below the banister. The others agreed with you, eyes following the burn pattern as it then spread across the floor once it reached the bottom. “So someone came in while the mom was next door, some how managed to get Lily behind the desk, and then poured the kerosene down the wall?”

“Leaving enough time for them to head down the stairs after they lit the match,” Casey added, but you shook your head a little.

“If they’d lit the match from the top, they would have had enough time, but they would have had to leave through the front door then, and most of the fire damage was down stairs,” you said half distantly as you followed the trail. 

Casey looked proud, “you’re right, looks like this goes to the back door,” he pointed. This was all well and good, but it wasn’t helpful. Jay suggested you try upstairs next, leading the way.

You got half way up before feeling a little faint, images of your panic attack flashing through your mind as you forced yourself to continue on upstairs. Casey was a head of you too, so he didn’t notice at first, but as soon as you both reached the top he looked back, pausing as he saw the way you gripped the banister at the top.

Thankfully, he didn’t say anything when Jay was there, but you could see the concern on his face, and the seriousness.  It hadn’t exactly been at the top of your to do list recently, but you’d known it was coming. He was still your Captain.

“So this was where you found her, behind the desk?” Jay asked, gesturing towards the open office, where you could clearly see the moved desk inside, the little room behind it visible. 

You nodded, still taking a minute to breath and steady yourself while trying to act normal. Jay didn’t notice, but you didn’t blame him, he didn’t know what Casey did. 

“Was there anything else in there, anything you might have not thought relevant at the time but might mean something now?” He asked.

“We’ve already been over this,” you said a little too harshly, giving Jay pause, “sorry, just, a little stressed, haven’t been sleeping much recently,” you tried to shrug it off. Jay was about to reply when he phone went off, excusing himself as he headed outside. He’d think you meant because of this case, and while that was true, you didn’t tell him exactly what ‘recently’ meant.

“We haven’t talked about it,” Casey pointed out after Jay was out of earshot, knowing that you knew what he meant. What was there to say? You trusted Casey, and you’d been getting closer since you’d started at the firehouse, you’d probably spent more time with him in the last week than anyone else, but he was still your Captain, and you didn’t want him to think you were unfit for duty.

“Been a little busy,” you shrugged, eyes flicking from his face to the office behind him. 

“Y/N...” he struggled to find what to say, “has this happened before? Or, since even?”

You nodded a little, “before yeah, a few times after the fire, but I was fine in the academy I swear, I haven’t been hiding something that would endanger the rest of the house, if it had happened since I promise you I would have told you Matt,” you poured out. It was the truth, and thankfully he believed. 

He relaxed a little, clearly afraid of something worse. “Okay, but you need to talk to me Y/N, or... someone, I don’t want you to go through this alone, I’ve been worried about you,” he admitted, the way he said it causing your breath to hitch a little bit. 

“Don’t worry, it’s not going to get in the way of the job,” you assured him but he shook his head at that.

“That’s not the way I meant it Y/N-” he began, an expression on his face you didn’t have time to figure out before you were interrupted by your phone. 

It was Will. “Hey what’s up?” You answered as Casey cleared his throat, backing up and getting professional again. What had he wanted to say? You’d think about that later, you told yourself, putting the phone on speaker so Casey could hear. It was a fair assumption that it was about Lily.

“Hey Y/N, just thought I should let you know that Lily’s dad has just checked her out the hospital, it was against Nat’s medical advice but she’s technically fit to leave and he said something about her recovering better with family,” he informed you both, you and Casey casting each other confused and slightly concerned looks. 

If it seemed off to you both, that’s because it was. Jay came running up the stairs as if on queue. “What’s going on?” Casey asked, taking in the alarm on Jay’s face.

“Lily’s dad Paul arrived on a flight from Colorado about half an hour ago,” Jay said.

“Yeah we know Will has just been telling us-” you started, holding your phone up with Will still on the line to show Jay.

“No, you don’t understand, we didn’t pick it up until he came through, but Adam found a passport under a different name that came from Colorado to Chicago last week and left back last night,” Jay tried to explain, “the ID photo matches Paul’s, and a credit card under the same name bought over half a dozen products containing kerosene from a handful of different stores near both fires.”

Your jaw went slack, shocked as you tried to process the information. “So he went back to Colorado under his fake ID last night, and got a flight out with his real one this morning, so it’d look like he’d been there the entire time?” Casey read your mind, fists tight at his sides.

“An iron clad alibi...” you muttered, “Will, stop them from leaving!” You called over the phone, knowing he’d heard everything Jay had just said. You heard Will run, breathing heavier as he tried to catch up with Paul and Lily, none of the three of you breathing at all as you waited.

He seemed to reach an exit, having a conversation with someone you couldn’t quite make out before running again. The atmosphere changed, it sounded like he was outside. Then he stopped.

“They’ve gone,” he said angrily and Jay swore, “only just though, I ran out to see if I could stop them but they were already driving away, and Jay - I just saw their car, it was a black dodge charger.” 

You paled, what were you going to do now?

[onechicago-upsteadrhekker]

@chilly7188 requested #82 from the prompt list, “what keeps you up at night?” for upstead! I hope you like it! I’m having a lot of fun with these!

Summery: Sometimes you’re reminded of your nightmares even in the daytime, when you least expect it and Jay knows that more than anyone. He knows he’d never survive if it wasn’t for Hailey.

*title taken from ‘Pluto’ by Sleeping at Last*

show me where my armor ends, show me where my skin begins

This morning when Jay woke up, he did not anticipate what the day would bring. He had gone about his usual routine of going for a run, getting in a brief workout and then cooling down with a nice quick shower all before the sun came up.

He was dressed and had coffee made by 6:10, waiting on Hailey to stumble out of their bedroom just after 6:20 when her alarm went off. He greeted her with a kiss like he did every morning and she drank her cup of coffee asking about his run and if he slept okay.

She always did this; sometimes she asked him point blank if he’d had any nightmares and sometimes she just asked how he’d slept and sometimes she didn’t need to ask him at all because she had held him during the night after he’d accidentally woken her up during the throws of reliving his darkest moments.

He knew she was just looking out for his best interests like she’d always done so he would answer as truthfully as he could and she would smile at him like she was pleased and proud and that would make him feel proud too.

She kissed him again as she set her mug in the sink, heading towards the door to go on her own short run to be back in time to get a shower so they could be at work just before 8.

Trudy was there to great them as always as they bounded up the stairs, typing in the password they knew frontwards and backwards before pulling open the gate to continue up the stairs and into the bullpen. Most every one was there; Voight was holed away in his office like usual and Jay always wondered if he’d ever even went home in the first place. Hailey greeted Vanessa and Kim with a brief hug and a quick tease, saying ‘good morning’ to Kevin with a smile. Jay inquired where Adam was just as he came running up the stairs with a lame excuse that he got stuck in traffic but they all knew it was because he slept through his alarm clock again.

They all settled down at their desks, catching up on various paperwork, a light conversation bouncing between him and Jay couldn’t help but think how good his life was right now; he had a job he loved, great friends he worked with and the best fiance who he didn’t deserve.

That should have tipped him off that things were about to go to hell.

“Do you know who I am?”

Jay ignored the question, his eyes quickly scanning the room, resting on the little girl laid out on the floor. Her eyes were closed and her skin was pale.

A slap. “Answer me!”

“Let the little girl go!” Jay looked at the crazed man, his eyes blazing with fury.

“No! Not until you answer my question!” Jay watched as the man brandished his gun and he wondered if he could make a dive for his own gun that had been slid across the room after he had been lured into this trap without getting the little girl or himself killed. He wasn’t even sure if she was still breathing; she was so quiet and still.

Jay knew he needed to play this man’s game to buy him some time. To buy the team some time. To give him time to formulate a plan without the little girl getting shot even if that meant he got shot but he preferred an option where they both avoided getting shot.

But the truth was, Jay had no idea who this guy was or why he seemed to think Jay would know who he was. He was bulky and his hair was graying at the temples so Jay guessed he was in his mid-to-late forty’s but what concerned him most was the half-crazed look in the man’s eyes; desperation, anger and fear all mixed together and Jay had been in enough situations to know that this could go really bad really fast. He knew he had to be extremely careful with what he said and how he moved in order to preserve both his and the little girl’s lives.

“Okay, okay,” Jay spoke calmly his hands still raised, “I don’t recognize you. Do I know you?”

The man laughed to himself, walking around in circles still waving the gun around in his hand and Jay very carefully inched to the right, his eyes never leaving the gun. The man suddenly turned, the gun whipping back to be trained on him, “What do you think you’re doing? You aren’t getting out of here! Not until you know! Not until you pay for what you did!”

Jay froze, his hands still raised, “Okay, okay, I’m not gonna do anything but I don’t understand. What have I done? Can you explain it to me?”

The man laughed again and it sounded more desperate, more maniacal and Jay knew this was starting to get out of hand.

The man almost sobbed, keeping the gun trained on him, “Explain it to you? Explain it to you! I’ll tell you what you did! You killed my little girl and my wife,” The man’s face was beat red as he screamed, “You killed my whole family!”

Jay’s eyebrows furrowed. He had no idea what the hell this guy was talking about but he knew he needed to cooperate to get that little girl out of there so he wracked his brain, trying to remember the guys face.

“You really don’t know, do you? How could you forget what you did! All those lives you’re responsible for! If you hadn’t tried to play hero, that bomb would have never gone off and my family would still be here!” The man’s eyes were bloodshot and he still had the gun trained on him.

Jay felt like he’d been punched in the gut at the man’s words. Of course. Now he understood, now he got it. Of course he hadn’t forgotten one of worst days of his life. A day that he would never forget and would always weigh heavily on his conscious.

He should have figured it out sooner.

“You’re family was in that church, weren’t they? And they didn’t make it,” Jay watched as tears streamed down the man’s face.

Jay snuck a glance at the little girl to his left and she seemed paler than before if that was even possible, “I get why you want me but what has that little girl done? She has nothing to do with this! You need to let her go! This is between you and me!”

The man shook his head, “No. You see, that’s how I knew you would be the one down here. I knew that you wouldn’t be able to resist. Detective Jay Halstead! The great and mighty hero! But guess what? You aren’t going to get to save her either, just how you didn’t save my wife and daughter. You aren’t a hero!” The man’s eyes blazed in fury, “You’re a killer! It’s all your fault!”

Jay’s heart felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. The man’s words cutting deep because it was his fault. He knew that. It was all true. If he hadn’t rushed into that church that day to try and save those people, that bomb wouldn’t have gone off and those people would still be alive.

But that didn’t mean that little girl should die because of his mistakes.

“Okay,” Jay tried to reason, “But I’m down here now. You can let her go.”

The man didn’t seem to hear him, he was mumbling to himself and Jay caught a flash of movement behind the row of shelves that held garden tools. Hailey’s worried eyes met his through a crack in the shelves. A look was shared and Jay understood. They never needed words to communicate.

“Let the little girl go,” Jay tried again, getting the man’s focus back on him.

“No! She’s not going anywhere!” The man heaved.

He stared at Jay, his eye twitching before he suddenly smiled. Calmly, serenely, pleasantly; so different to his previous behavior it was unsettling.

“What keeps you up at night?” Soft and genuine and Jay’s breath caught in his throat.

The man walked towards him, “Is it the sound of the bomb going off? The screams of the dying? The charred faces of the ones you killed?”

He cocked his head, “Maybe it’s the fact that you know you’re responsible. Their ghosts haunting you! The fact that you know deep down that it’s your fault they’re all dead. And now your going to have another little girl, another child on your conscious all because you couldn’t save her. You couldn’t save any of them, could you?”

He raised the gun from his heart to his head, “And now you’re going to join them. You deserve to die and rot in hell for what you did and that’s exactly where I’m going to put you.”

There was a shot. 

Jay barely took the time to draw in a deep breath before he was across the room and feeling for the little girl’s pulse.

He could feel Hailey watching him worriedly as she cuffed the guy she’d shot in the shoulder but he didn’t acknowledge her, reaching for his radio to call for an ambulance as he cradled the little girl.

The next few hours were a blur. Full of sirens and adrenaline highs. He watched the doctors work on the little girl and saw her frantic parents rushing through the hospital doors. He drove back to the district, filled out his reports and IPR, going through the motions of tying up a case and Hailey was right by his side. Her eyes had never once left him since they emerged from the basement. He could feel her watching him carefully, not saying anything. She was just there like always.

Until it was finally time to go home, Voight giving him a look saying he had done a good job and a rare pat on the shoulder as he shared a look with Hailey. He let her drive the truck home, neither of them saying anything and he knew she was giving him some time to breathe before she made him talk about it because there was no way she was going to let him not talk about it. Not after a case like this. Not after what happened a few months ago.

As soon as they got into the apartment, Hailey padded over to the kitchen to set out a couple of glasses and his favorite whiskey. She knew him well. Beer wouldn’t cut it tonight. He watched as she poured them some, climbing up on the bar stool and setting his glass in front of the one beside her and he knew she was waiting on him to come sit beside her. He took a breath, reaching for the glass to take a sip as he slid onto the bar stool. They sat there in a comfortable silence.

“Jay,” Her voice was soft and comforting and he never wanted her to stop saying his name like that. He could feel her head turn to look at him fully and she waited until he turned to meet her eyes.

They were compassionate but full of conviction, “Jay,” She said his name again, firmer this time, “This was not your fault. Not today and not the day of the bombing.”

“Hailey-” He could feel tears spring into his eyes, the guy’s words from earlier still bouncing around his head.

This is your fault. You killed those women and children. You need to pay for what you did.

Hailey gave a sharp shake of her head, “No, I don’t care what that guy said or what anyone says! It’s not true, they’re wrong.”

Jay swallowed, looking into his drink, “But he’s right. If I hadn’t went in that church that day, I wouldn’t have set off that bomb and those people wouldn’t be dead. And then that little girl almost died today because of my actions,” He shook his head in disgust, “It is my fault. Maybe I do have a hero complex.”

“Jay,” It was breathed this time and he felt her hand slide up his chest and rest over his heart, “You were doing your job. You didn’t know that there was a bomb and you didn’t know that it was motion censored and you didn’t know that you would trigger it. And today, you saved that little girl Jay because you went in.”

“But she wouldn’t have even been in that situation if I hadn’t of screwed up at the church!”

“Look at me,” Her hands gently cupped his cheeks, turning his head to look at her, “We’ve been over this Jay. Those deaths that day are not on you. They are on the terrorist who set that bomb in the first place. And today is not on you either. Everything worked out because of you and that’s what you need to focus on, okay?”

He knew that logic said she was right but that didn’t negate the fact that deep down, in his heart he felt like he was at fault and he knew that he would always blame himself for that day. Just like he blamed himself for all the other cases he’d been involved with that didn’t turn out so well. Just like he blamed himself for the deaths of his friends he lost overseas.

He’d been pushing all of his guilt over the church bombing to the back of his mind. He’d even been sleeping fairly peacefully through the night but today brought back all of the feelings he’d felt after the bombing as fresh as the day it had happened and with it all of the memories of his past mistakes.

“Oh Jay,” It was her voice and the look in her eyes that broke him. He knew she felt his pain, that she shouldered his burden and that she had since day one. He could see the love and the pain and the comfort  in her eyes telling him that he was safe. That she was there for him no matter what and he knew he could take his guard down around her.

So he cried. And she gathered him in her arms as they slid to the kitchen floor and rocked him like she would a child, peppering kisses on his forehead and smoothing his hair back, whispering to him.

She told him she loved him. She told him she would always be there for him no matter what. She whispered about how proud she was of him, that his past didn’t define him and that it wasn’t his fault. She murmured that he was brave and how he had the biggest heart of anyone she knew, about how much she loved his big heart and that it was okay to burden her. She whispered that she would never change anything about him but she wished he didn’t blame himself for things that weren’t his fault because she hated seeing him hurt like this. 

And then she told him that she understood, that it was something she would never let him bear alone, that she would never leave him no matter what because she loved him. All of him.

Her heartbeat and comforting arms slowly calmed him down to where he was only sniffling. A few years ago, he would have beat himself up if he’d ever lost control of himself like that in front of her but as he sat there on their kitchen floor with his head on her chest he found that he wasn’t ashamed. He craved the safety of her heart and mind and body. His best friend, his most trusted confidant, his biggest supporter and his greatest love.

He honestly didn’t know how he had ever survived without her.

Jay lifted his head, sitting up beside her. She offered him a comforting smile, reaching out to swipe under his eyes as he rubbed his face, “Feel better?”

He gave her his own small smile, taking her hand to kiss it, “Yeah, yeah I do.”

Her own eyes were teary and that small pang of self-doubt hit him. He hesitated.

She noticed. Of course she did. She knew him better than he knew himself. 

Her eyebrows furrowed, “What is it Jay?”

“I don’t deserve you Hailey. I’m so broken, you shouldn’t have to deal with all of this,” He looked up at her through shameful eyes, “How could you ever love a mess like me?”

“Jay Halstead,” She was in front of him in an instant, gripping his bent knees firmly and he forced himself to look into her fierce gaze, “Don’t ever say that. I love you with all of my heart and your so called brokenness, that’s what makes you you.”

She softened her voice, “That’s what makes you the person I fell in love with. The person I am in love with,” He followed her gaze to the ring that rested on her left hand, “The person I wanna marry. I wanna spend life with you Jay. Baggage and all.”

“This ring says I’m in it for long-haul. That I deserve you. And don’t you ever doubt that.”

Jay would go through a hundred wars, fight through a thousand shootouts just to see her looking at him like that and to hear her tell him that. He drew her forward, kissing her ring-the promise of their future before capturing her lips with his. 

“I love you Hailey,” He whispered against her lips, rubbing his thumb over her engagement ring, “You’ll never know how much.”

“I love you too,” She leaned back, gazing at him with all the love she felt in her heart.

She pecked his quickly on the cheek before clamoring out of his lap, checking the time on the stove. 1:00 am.

Hailey extended her hand for Jay to grab and she pulled him up. He loosely laced his hands together behind Hailey’s back, resting them on the curve of her butt as he gently held her, leaning down to kiss her again.

She smiled at him, tilting her head in the direction of their bedroom, “We’ve had a long day. Let’s go to bed.”

What keeps you up at night?

The question from earlier popped back into his mind, “Hailey... I’m not going to able to sleep tonight and even if I do, my nightmares...”

“I know Jay,” She cupped his jaw and looked into his eyes, whispering, “I’ll help you chase them away.”

He looked at her and she looked back and he knew in his heart of hearts that no matter what, she would always be by his side to scare his demons away.

[pocketfulofrogers]

Be Brave

Pairing: Adam Ruzek x Reader Jay Halstead x Sister!Reader

Request: If you’re not busy can you do a Adam Ruzek from Chicago PD request where the reader is Jay’s civilian sister and she has to go undercover with Adam as her date to her high school reunion (which she didn’t plan to attend) because someone is targeting girls in her high school class which causes their feelings to come out after months of flirting?

Summary: Jay is a badass detective and Will is a badass doctor. Why would the youngest Halstead be any different? 

Notes: When I say this one got away from me, I mean it. Just shy of 4.3k words and I have no idea how that happened. Hope you like! Requests open!

The first memory Jay has of you is a fuzzy one. You’re young with pigtails and shoes too big for your little feet. The sun was high, concrete hot, and there’s a small breeze bringing in the smell of charred hot dogs from one of the neighbor’s houses. Your tiny hand is in his, sticky with dried ice cream.

You catch sight of a butterfly and chase after it, but the toe of your shoe catches the curb and you go down. Hard. When he sees the blood running lines down your shin, the tears flooding your waterline, he picks you up, cradles you to him, and carries you home.

He sets you down on the edge of the bathtub and wipes your tears. “Be brave.” He tells you.

Will wanders in with curious eyes and jumps up on the counter. Jay begins to rummage in the cupboard while Will reaches to the shelf above him to lay out a band-aid. Jay wets a wash rag and begins to clean you up as best he can. You hiss when he reaches broken skin.

He looks up at you and his heart tugs at the sight of your face contorted in pain, the silent tears coating your rosy cheeks. He wonders if he should stop, let the softer touch of your mother handle it.

You close your eyes and scrunch your nose. “Be brave.” You whisper to yourself.

Jay finishes quickly, places the bandage, kisses it lightly, and taps your nose to make you giggle. You thank him, he tells you that’s what big brothers do.

He’s spent his whole life looking after you, so when you show up at his apartment trying to convince him that two murders from your childhood neighborhood are connected, he’s clearly not thrilled in the slightest.

“Y/N, homicide is on it.” He tells you again.

“Intelligence should be on it.” You tell him again. “Lizzy had two kids, Jay.” He does his best not to look at you, knows as soon as he does, he’ll cave. “Jay.”

He turns and sees you with your wide eyes, eyebrows drawn upward, arms crossed, hip cocked. That’s his first mistake

“I’ll bring it to Voight, but you have to stay away from this. It could be a coincidence, but if it’s not, you could be a target.”

“Alright, fine.”

His second mistake was believing you.

When Jay reports that Hank agreed to lift the case from homicide, your first stop is none other than Adam Ruzek. A good man who’s skin you enjoyed getting under. He’d always tell you, “you’re Jay’s sister, we can’t blah blah blah”. You respected that, even thought it was slightly honorable. Didn’t mean you’d stop having your fun.

He opens the door in a tank top and jeans, hair still wet from a shower. You watch droplets chase each other down his skin and you find yourself frozen. Did you have the perfect witty remark before you saw him? Sure did. Did you now? Absolutely not.

“How can I help you?” He prompts, looking more confused than anything else.

You recover quickly, stretch your lips into a cheeky grin and look him up and down. “Oh, I think you know exactly what I want.”

He rolls his eyes. “Y/N- “

“Relax Ruz, I want information on your case, not to see your dick.” You say as you walk in and turn back to smirk at him.

Funny enough, the only thing he wanted was to kiss that smirk right off your lips, take you to his bed and rip your clothes off.

“We’ve been instructed not to say anything to you.” He shrugs. You groan and throw your head back in frustration, not so quietly cursing Jay’s ‘big brother’ complex. “However, if I were to leave the room and you were to read the file on the counter next to the microwave, well, I guess there’s nothing I could do about that.” He winks at you before he leaves the room.

“You’re the best.” You sing-song after him.

You pour over the files. Names, bank statements, recent communications. Out of three scenes there was only one eye witness and he was questionable at best. How was that possible? This definitely wasn’t done by a pro, the medical examiner’s report had detailed gruesome, messy deaths. Emotional and frantic.

Adam finds you on his living room floor, papers sprawled before you. You have the end of one of his pens tucked between your lips and he can’t say he’ll be mad at the teeth marks you’re likely leaving.

You’re so completely engrossed, you don’t hear his soft chuckle from behind you or even notice the scent of coffee and vanilla in the air. You only notice him when he clears his throat from above you and hands you a warm mug.

“Oh sorry.” You wince. “I suppose I’ve been here a little too long.”

He waves you off. “What are you writing down?”

“Anything that sticks out to me really. I’m sure it’s not anything you haven’t already come up with, but I just know there’s a connection between them.” You frown at the mess in front of you.

“Well, you did graduate with them, right?” He asks. You nod. “Was there maybe a person or a class they had in common?”

You scrunch your nose and begin to gnaw on your bottom lip. “I don’t know.” You whisper.

It was right there; you swore it was. It sat heavy on the tip of your tongue ready to fall at any moment, but nothing you’d just seen had jogged a memory.

You hover your fingers over the pages. “I thought files like these usually had pictures of the scenes, the… bodies.”

“I didn’t think you needed to see that.” He says softly. “Hey.” He tries to catch your attention. “You’re not going to solve this in one sitting, Nancy Drew.” You roll your eyes and he shrugs. “At least you’ll have something to talk about at your reunion.” You look to him with furrowed brows. “Your… high school reunion?”

You had forgotten. Whether that was on accident or on purpose is unknown. “Oh, yeah, no. Definitely not going to that.” You laugh. He questions you with a head tilt. “It’s just not really my scene, Ruz.” You say simply. “I’m supposed to be meeting Will and Jay for lunch, I should go. Thank you for- uh- you know.”

“Breaking a few laws to please you?” He chuckles.  

You smile softly at him and he walks you to the door, but you pause just over the threshold. “If Jay asks if you’ve seen me you say…?” You prompt.

“There’s a third Halstead?” He places a hand over his chest, feigns a shocked expression. Your laugh echoes through his chest and he marvels at the sound. Crisp and light, the perfect breath of fresh air.

Adam feeds you information over the next few days, but informs you he won’t tell you anything truly important. “Last thing I need is Jay blaming me for you getting yourself in trouble.” He’d say. “No, being detective adjacent does not make you an almost detective.”

**

You’re perched on Adam’s desk, leaned forward to offer him his choice of sugar-coated pastries. He takes one gratefully and sinks his teeth in. Powdered sugar coats the corner of his mouth and you have to stop yourself from reaching out to wipe it, preferably with your tongue.

You shut that thought down quickly.

Jay walks in, catches sight of you and you know he sees red. He’s almost as mad as that time you put bleach in his conditioner. You roll your eyes at Adam and he coughs to hide his laugh. You jump off his desk, plaster the sweetest smile of innocence you can muster, and hold the box of treats out to him.

“I got your- “

“I thought I told you to stay away from this.” He cuts you off.

“Did you? I thought that was more of a suggestion.”

He pulls you into a hallway by your arm, rough enough to catch you off guard. His eyes stare daggers at you and you watch as he balls his fists tight enough to turn his knuckles white. He’s afraid. You’ve never seen him afraid before.

“This isn’t a game or like one of your crime shows, Y/N. This is serious. We’ve already found two more girls from your class.”

But you already knew that.

“Jesus, Jay, I’m not a child.” You spit. “I know exactly how dangerous this job can be. How many times have I sat by your beside at Med? How many times have you called me and said,” You lower your voice, patronizingly imitating him, ““Ok, don’t freak out but…”?” You’re silent for a moment, waiting for a response. He doesn’t really have one. “Girls are dying. Girls I knew! I had dinner with Chelsea two months ago. If you’ve found two more, that means I probably know who did it. And I know exactly how to catch him.”

His eyes widen. “Absolutely- “

But you’re already gone.

You ask Hank for the floor and he grants it to you. You list out some of your more notable theories, most of which they’ve already looked into. You point out the fact that, if his last four victims were from the same high school, it’s likely his fifth would be too. Assuming he’s not done yet. What better place to grab her than the reunion tomorrow?

“Now you want to go to that?” Adam pipes up.

“Oh yeah, because walking around a gym chatting up people I never really liked who are pretending to have better lives than they do in order to impress people they also never liked is a great time. Of course I don’t want to go, but this is our best option.”

“’Our’?” Hank echoes.

You straighten your back, square your shoulders and nod. “I get a plus one, but you can’t have someone impersonate me and everyone knew Jay. Chances are I know this person. Best case scenario I suss out your bad guy.”

“And worst case?” Jay asks, clearly seething.

You ignore your brother and turn back to Hank instead. “I find you a new suspect to interrogate.”

Jay barks out a laugh. “Or, the killer is there, you’re on his list, he corners you, and you get- “

“Enough.” Hank cuts him off. “We wire her up, send her with a date and monitor the whole thing from across the street. Keep her as safe as possible.”

Jay watches you, your shoulders back, eyes alert, mouth set in a straight line and he can’t help but feel sick. The same determined look you’ve had your whole life and he knows there’s not a single thing he can do about it.

Sometimes he thinks you take ‘be brave’ too far.

Early the next morning, he corners you in the locker room. You complain about not having had any sleep with all the prepping you’ve had to do. He pulls out his phone, clicks Will’s contact number, puts it on speaker, and hands it to you.

It rings twice before he picks up.

You and Jay go back and forth explaining what exactly was going on. Most of it was you and him arguing over details. Will stays quiet, lets you hash it out. He catches the important bits, but for a moment he wonders when he became the voice of reason in this trio.

The idea of you being sent under cover to catch a serial killer or spree killer or whatever term you both had finally settled on did make him nervous. However, he’s been to a kick boxing class with you before and the only idea scarier than an angry you is a Jay with a gun.

“I’m assuming he’s going to keep you safe, so why is he making you call me?”

“I think he’s convinced I’m gonna die.” You shoot Jay a look before he can argue.

“Oh, I see. You though I could talk our stubborn little sister out of something she’s already set on, because, as we all know, if she won’t listen to you, she’ll definitely hear me out.”

���I thought you could reason with her.”

He laughs. “Because I’m known for being the reasonable one.” He’s quiet for a moment. “Okay, but if you do die, can I get your apartment?”

“Will!” Jay chastises.

“It’s such a great view!” He adds. You’re fairly certain he’s only half joking.

“I’ll add to my testament you can only have it if you finally ask out that doctor you’ve been pining over.”

He’s quiet again. “Your death might be the best thing for my love life.”

**

Antonio runs through the school’s blueprints with you and details every exit strategy they’ve put together. Jay goes over codewords with you, Kevin tasks himself with calming your nerves, and Hank takes you through every worst-case scenario until your brain melts. He informs you he’s sending Adam with you, and you’re about to question why when Jay interrupts, asks to have a moment alone with you.

“We’re in too deep now for you to get me to pull away from this.” You say quickly.

Jay takes a moment to look at you, but can’t get the image of that little pigtailed girl leaving snot stains on his shirt out of his head. You had grown so strong and sometimes he forgets that. He’d love nothing more than to convince you to go home where he’ll know you’ll be safe, but, instead, he places his hands on either side of your shoulders and looks you straight in the eye. “Be brave.” He tells you. You take a deep breath and nod.

The next few hours are a blur of curling irons and lip liner. You pull nervously at the lace of your sleeve, begin to twirl burgundy fabric between your fingers and Kim grabs you hand, offers you an assuring smile and promises they have your back.

Adam comes in, a sarcastic remark tittering on the edge of his tongue, but when he sees you, wrapped in red like a rose, it falls off. He’s only able to mumble something along the lines of, “car’s here.”

You fill the strange silence during the car ride with back story details. You met at a Blackhawk’s game, he spilt his beer down your back when he got upset over what he thought was an unfair call, and here you are seven months later. You said ‘I love you’ first, a detail he felt the need to argue, but you agreed to move into his place. You point out that, in real life, you’d never leave your view willingly.  

He opens your door and takes your hand, but you hesitate just before the door.

He moves his hand to the side of your face and grazes your cheek bone. “Hey.” He says softly. “You don’t have to do this if you’re not comfortable. You say the word and I will drive you home, no questions.”

You close your eyes, lean into his touch, and for a moment you consider his offer. “No.” you breathe out. You’re met with worried eyes and he’s about to protest when you shake your head. “I can do this.” He nods, eyes still worried, and grips your hand a little tighter.

Over the next hour you have so many small talk conversations that the people begin to blur together. You ask about jobs, kids, new houses. Most know your brother became a cop, so you don’t have to worry about trying to work the case in and Adam is strangely good at getting alibis from people without them knowing he’s also a cop. You flitter around with his hand always on your lower back and you can’t say you mind.

“Tell me, have you always been a badass?” He asks you seriously.

You purse your lips and contemplate for a moment. “No.” You answer truthfully. He was expecting a sarcastic remark, or a jab at Jay, your honesty surprises him. “When Jay enlisted and Will went to med school, I was truly alone for the first time.” He’s listening, watching you intently and suddenly the moment is too real, the air too heavy. You wiggle your brows to break the tension. “I supposed that’s when I became the best Halstead.” You whisper.

That’s when you see him. Slicked back hair and deep-set eyes, there’s something in his nauseating smirk that triggers the memory. A young boy with grabby hands and pushy words sulking around groups of girls. Those four girls did have someone in common, unfortunately so did you. He makes eye contact and stretches thin lips into a toothy smile. You do your best to mirror it.

The next five minutes include a very long string of decisions, the first being not telling Adam. You know there’s no way he’d let you get anywhere near this guy, which would keep you from getting a confession on tape and justice for those girls, so you had to find a way to lose him. You do the first thing that comes to mind. You chug your wine and his untouched drink, say something about crowds making you nervous, and tell him you’ll get the refills.

He finds your behavior odd, but then again you were a civilian undercover helping them look for a killer. Perhaps he’d be more concerned if you were completely calm. Jay told him to not let you out of his sight, but the bar was within his eyeline and he was in the middle of getting some information from a retired teacher. What harm could there be?

You hadn’t even placed your order with the bartender when there’s a tap on your shoulder. “Y/N, hey.” He stands too close to you, the smell of cigarettes and whiskey heavy on his tongue.

You hear Jay’s voice whispering “be brave” in the back of your mind and force a surprised expression before you morph it into a sweet smile. “Richards, right? Michael?”

His smile grows impossibly wide at the knowledge that you remember him. You start with the usual questions and he tells you he’s actually between jobs now, looking to start over after things ended with his fiancé. He paints a picture of a perfect man in a spell of bad luck who seems to believe he’ll get by on just his charm.

“Hey, do you want to get out of here?” He asks.

You ignore the pit in your stomach and the bile at the back of your throat when you trail your fingers up his arm. “I’d love that. My car is out back, it’ll be easy to slip away.”

He smiles devilishly at you and you take a moment to make sure Adam is distracted before you take his hand and pull him into a hallway. You’re sure to keep the exit strategies Antonio mapped out in the back of your mind, and fall behind to allow a distance to form between you.

He’s in the middle of a comment when you cut him off. “Did you pull a similar stunt with Chelsea?” You ask. He turns on you. “Lizzy was married with kids. I don’t imagine you thought you’d be successful there, so you just killed her. But Chelsea? She was fresh off a bad breakup and back in town.”

“What are you- “

“Did she reject you like she did in high school?” You bite out. You can only imagine the fit Jay is throwing right now, but you just need to hear him say it. “I didn’t know those two other girls well, but I bet they did the same. Did it make you feel small? Like less- “

“Shut up!” He yells as he reaches behind him to pull out a gun. He trains it directly on you.

See, you hadn’t planned for a gun, he had never used one before. You only put the distance between you because it’s harder for someone to hit or stab you when your farther away. But now there’s a pistol pointed directly at your chest and all the training Jay has even given you for this exact moment is useless.

“Drop the gun.” Adam bellows from behind you.

“Come any closer and I’ll shoot her!” Michael counters.

“You don’t want to do that.” He tries to reason.

“Oh, I’m pretty sure he does.” You mutter. “I’m right, though aren’t I? Why now?” Your blood chills with a sudden realization. “What really happened with your fiancé?” You press harder.

“Don’t worry, the bitch will get what’s coming right after you. She wanted to break things off because I wasn’t enough. You all think you’re so much- “

“You pathetic piece of- ”

“Yeah, maybe don’t provoke the guy with the gun on you?” Adam quips. You huff, but withhold the rest of your remark.

Adam’s slightly closer now, using the distraction you’re providing to move in. You feel a breeze graze your skin and the team files in to surround him. Jay flanks your other side, asks if you’re alright.

“Give it up, you got nowhere to go.” Antonio announces from behind him.

Michael falters for a second before he pulls his lips into that same devilish grin and you swear it almost splits his face in two. “Maybe. But four out of five isn’t too bad.”

He pulls the trigger and you drop.

You’ve imagined being shot several times and you definitely thought it would hurt more. You haven’t willed yourself to open your eyes yet, but all you can feel is pressure over your torso and something soaking your dress. Jay’s yelling, but one voice cuts clear from the chaos.

“Are you alright?” Adam asks from above you.

When he gets up, the pressure disappears and his hands start searching your body for any signs of injury. He repeats the question again. You look down at yourself and press your fingers into the dark spot on your dress, pull them away, and rub the red between your fingers. It’s blood, but it’s not yours.

You sit up in a panic, almost knocking him over. “Oh my god, Adam you got shot!” You exclaim with frantic hands searching for the wound. He hisses when you find it on his shoulder.

“I’m fine.” He grunts out. “It’s you I’m worried about.” You hear Jay call for an ambulance and are almost certain his heart is still racing.

You pull out Adams pocket square and place it firmly in his wound, try to ignore the body only feet from you. “That was so stupid.” You grit out. “You actually jumped in front of a bullet!”

“Thanks for saving my life Adam.” He mutters out and you ignore him.

“Stupid.” You say again.

**

You're sat in the waiting room of Chicago Med. Will and Jay are both laying into you about how dangerous and reckless your actions had been, but you’re barely listening to them. Your attention is only grabbed when a doctor comes out, tells you the surgery to remove the bullet went well, and he was awake. You follow the Doctor back, Jay on your heels.

When you walk in, Adam gets the dopiest smile you’ve ever seen. You sit gently by his side. “Do you need anything?” You ask.

“Ice chips would be amazing.” Once he’s sure you’re out of ear shot, he turns to Jay. “I’m sorry man. I shouldn’t have let her out of my- “

“I picked you to go with her, and I’d make the same decision.” He interrupts and Adam’s surprised. “Look man, I needed someone to go in with her that would protect her the way I would. I’ve seen the way you look at her.” He’s about to protest to tell him he’d never cross that line, but Jay raises his hand. “You just jumped in front of a bullet for her. You’re one of the few people I know she’s safe with and she actually listens to you which is a miracle on its own.”

You come back in and sense the shift in the air, but Jay excuses himself. You sit back at his bedside and offer him the cup and for the first moment of that night, everything is still. The events of the night, the sound of the shot, the smell of gunpowder thick in the air, it all builds up in your chest.

He hears your breathing pick up. “Woah, hey, I’m okay.” He tries to reassure you.

“You could’ve died.” You choke out.

“But I didn’t.”

“If it went two inches over, you’d be dead!” You’re panicking now.

“But it didn’t.” He says with a little more force and pulls you down to his chest. You let him. You breathe it out, allowing the sure smell of him to calm you.

“Why’d you do it?” Your voice is small. He hums his question. “Jump in front of me.” You clarify.

He’s quiet for a long time. You only know he’s awake because his fingers are trailing lines up and down your back, drawing circles between your shoulder blades. Goosebumps rise on your arms and you bury yourself further into him.

“Because I love you.” He says it as if it’s the simplest thing in this whole world. Maybe it is.

You look up at him for a while and think he’s far to calm for the moment. You lean up and place a tender kiss on the pillow of his lips before laying your head back down.

“I guess that’s a good enough reason.”

[evcryopeneye]

@buriedfate asked: send 💋 for a flirty starter / jay & erin

“Oh shush.” There’s a smile on his face, really he was just feigning offense, “I am hilarious and you know it.” So what it might have sounded a little arrogant, better that than boring. Sometimes, Jay thought most outsiders had their job wrong, it wasn’t all running after criminals and shoot outs, no, a solid chunk of it was watching a screen for twelve hours or sitting in a car in the dark waiting for someone to fuck up. 

“This dude might be the most boring criminal I’ve ever seen.” What, sat at home watching tv? Kinda ironic considering that was what they might as well have been doing now. “At least neither of us are boring.” 

[one-chicago-fanfiction]

Alternate Ending for Papa Halstead

Fathers and sons. That could be a torturous thing sometimes. The Halstead brothers knew that as well as anyone, but it didn’t change the fact that when their father almost died, they all came together as if it was natural to them. As if there was nothing strained between them and their father. But when he was healing, when he was better again, old wounds clawed their way back to the surface. Fast.

They walked him into Jay’s apartment together on the night he was discharged. The old man had spared some kindness for Will, an uttered thanks for everything he’d done over the last few days. The only thing he’d been scathing about was his new, temporary living situation. The spare bedroom at Jay’s.

“I don’t need to be here, kid,” their father said, eyes on Will instead of Jay. Anger was bleeding right out of Jay. His every movement was laced with it; the way he threw his keys onto the coffee table, stalked into the kitchen, the fraction of a second he took to yank a beer from the fridge.

“Yes you do,” Will said, because Jay wasn’t going to say it. Jay hadn’t even extended the invitation, had only silently accepted it was the only option. There wasn’t enough room at Will and Natalie’s.

“My apartment’s still there, ain’t it?” he said, as if Will hadn’t thought of that. “I’d be just fine there.”

“Dad—” Will started, and there was a sharpness to Jay when he interrupted.

“The building’s uninhabitable,” he said. “It’s burnt to a crisp, probably won’t be safe for months. You wanna stay in a charred building, you go ahead. Seriously, be my guest.” Jay gestured to the door, and their father made a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat.

“He doesn’t even want me here, Will,” he said. A pulsing headache kicked in at Will’s temples.

“What gave you that impression?” Jay said, and Will was breathing through the strange ache that came from watching the pair interact. His chest was tight with it. It was a wrong sort of mourning, to grieve for the things a living person could have been. The better father and the better son, buried somewhere within the people before him, beneath too many harsh words and old hurts. The better brother Will could have been too. Did any family make it through life without fractures? Their mother would always be gone, but sometimes she felt impossibly close, like she was just out of reach. Sometimes it happened he caught the scent of her perfume on a passing stranger. Other times it happened in more complicated moments, in the middle of a family argument. All of a sudden, Will would know what she would have thought in the moment, what she would have said to calm her husband, and the son with the matching tempers. For a split second, Will knew how their mother would have handled this. And he went with it. There was nothing else he could do.

“Okay,” Will said, pushing the door closed. The three of them were stuck in Jay’s apartment. “We’re gonna fix this. We’re gonna sit down, we’re gonna talk, and we’re gonna fix it. Right now.”

Jay’s expression was a mirror of their father’s. Neither of them spoke, but Will could see the same betrayal on their faces, the same look of How could you do this to me? But there was something about Jay’s that turned Will’s blood colder. The flicker of difference between them was that their father looked pissed, and Jay looked stung. Will felt it in his chest, as if Jay’s emotions were his own. There was a specific kind of pain a parent could cause, and Will could feel it in the room between them all now. His heart was beating hard, his hands shaking at his sides. This was a thing they’d needed to do for years, a moment Will should have orchestrated long before now. A thing he only hoped would help them all. A thing his mother would have done. And yet, despite it all, one more look at his brother and he wanted to take it all back, to tell them both to forget it. Jay hadn’t said a word, but it was like he was begging Will to do just that, his eyes boring into him. A silent plea.

Will opened his mouth to erase the moment, to return them to the familiarity of their difficult relationships. But his father spoke first.

“Okay,” he said, and Will watched Jay’s gaze snap to their father in surprise. “If you think it’ll help, I’ll do it, kid. Kids.”

“Jay?” Will said, hoping his brother wouldn’t throw this moment away, wouldn’t look at the softness of his father’s expression, the fear in the old man’s eyes, and decide it was all for nothing. Jay said nothing, letting a long silence pass before he nodded. The relief was sudden and swift through Will’s body. He wanted to laugh with it, but he forced himself to keep his smile small. Less pressure that way. He cleared his throat, gestured to the table and watched his father and brother take their seats.

Will joined them at the head of the table, certain for the first time in a long time that they really could fix this someday. If nothing else, this could be the first step of the journey.

[evcryopeneye]

"Well it has plenty of material to work with." It wasn't like nightmares were unfamiliar to him. Be it the war he had fought, the cases he had solved....or more often the ones he had not. "Not like you can unsee any of it." No. No you could not...and he couldn't unsee her.

"Of your own making, perhaps." -and truly, he could leave it there. Yet Dream admittedly prefers to elaborate. "This is your own mindscape, Jay Halstead. What haunts it is provided by your own experiences."

[specialagentsoftie]

requesting rules

A/N: I've had a couple people ask what kind of genre/topics that I will write so here's a list of requests that I won't accept as of now!

♡ no smut

♡ no reader / main char. death

I know I've written main character deaths before but those really need to come from my own brain and not from a request, it's just easier that way. Sorry!

Everything else is probably ok or I'll consider them on a case by case.

List of people I write for:

♡ Chicago P.D. — Erin Lindsay, Jay Halstead, Hailey Upton

♡ Chicago Med — Natalie Manning

♡ Chicago Fire — Sylvie Brett, Leslie Shay

♡ Grey’s Anatomy — Addison Montgomery, Teddy Altman, Arizona Robbins

I will update the above if I expand to other characters :)

[bullet-prooflove]

Asks are now open!

A few months ago I sent out a post informing you all I was closing my writing asks.

I am delighted to say after a long break that I am opening up my asks again.

However even in my writing break I have been getting a lot of asks for things I don’t want to write.

To save your time and mine here’s a small list of things I don’t like to write.

• Dating a sibling of another main char.

• Dating a daughter of another main char.

• Dating a best friend of another main char.

• Victim or Witness/Detective relationships

If you aren’t sure about a pairing, a series or a theme please don’t hesitate to ask.

If its not something I’m up for I will let you know.

Also I have had several Adam Ruzek or Jay Halstead asks and I’m just letting you know I don’t write those characters.

[yourheartbeat]

linstead appreciation week 2017 ⇾ day one

a quote that reminds you of them

[jaelyn96]

Jay questions Voight about Rixton.

“CHICAGO PD” “SEVEN INDICTMENTS” 02/15/2017 (10:00PM - 11:00PM) (Wednesday) : INTELLIGENCE INVESTIGATES A HOME EXPLOSION WITH NO WITNESSES AND A VICTIM BURNED BEYOND RECOGNITION. When a charred body is found in a torched house, Intelligence must work to identify the victim, as well as a young boy who is found badly injured inside. As they look to determine the cause and who may have been involved, they are faced with a web of secrets and lies. Meanwhile, Lindsay (Sophia Bush) and Halstead (Jesse Lee Soffer) receive an odd warning about Rixton (guest star Nick Wechsler) that leaves them suspicious. Also starring Jason Beghe, Patrick John Flueger, Elias Koteas, Marina Squerciati, LaRoyce Hawkins and Amy Morton. Guest starring Jon Seda, Yaya DaCosta, Colin Donnell and Christian Stolte. Source: NBC

Credit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o50qQS00_5o Viben on Films