#& this is for me to say to myself & not prove anything anything...that was fucking toxic

[themindelectricdemo4]

negative in tags cuz i like writing tags note: there's 2 other posts expanding on this post just a little idk if they'll be posted before or after this one but they are or will be all on the same day

[suns-pott]

Leona and Malleus Mayhem! - Self Aware!Yandere!Leona and Malleus x reader

A short drabble inspired by Yuri and Natsuki's fight in ddlc hehe

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You logged in to Twisted Wonderland as usual, deciding to reread Malleus's Ceremonial Robes vignette. Everything was going well until Leona and Malleus's argument as the scene transitioned to Malleus's groovy CG.

Leona: ...You thinkin' you're gonna get it next time? Well, sorry to break it to you, but no one's ever gonna invite you. The player's never gonna want to see you in those robes again, so just put 'em away for good already.

Malleus: ...... Have you finished being catty? Wild beasts certainly like the sound of their own howling. And they like seeing me in these too, you know. They've even added me as their home character in these robes.

That's odd... The dialogue is different. Why are they referring to you as the 'player' now?

Leona: Oh? I didn't realise you were so focused on trying to impress them, lizard.

The scene transitioned back to the Diasomnia lounge; Leona looked smug, and Malleus looked surprised, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

Malleus: Eh? That's not...

Malleus closed his eyes and uncrossed his arms, opening them again to a neutral expression.

Malleus: Maybe you're just jealous that they appreciate my appearance in my ceremonial robes more than they appreciated yours.

Malleus looked smug once again, grinning with a hand placed on his hip. Leona suddenly looked angry, his ears twitching in annoyance.

Leona: Huh?! And how do you know that they didn't appreciate my ceremonial robes more? Are you that full of yourself?

Malleus: ...If I was full of myself, I would deliberately go out of my way to take naps around campus and act abrasive towards everyone!

They both seemed to be getting heated now, Malleus had lost any trace of amusement as he looked angry.

Leona: Tch, well, you know what? I wasn't the one that magically grew 5 centimeters bigger as soon as the player started showing up!

Malleus looked shocked now, the accusation was completely unexpected for him, and for you too.

Malleus: Kingscholar...!

Lilia's sprite suddenly moved into frame, his hands on his hips as he had a neutral expression, clearly wanting to break up the fight.

Lilia: You two, this is-

He was cut off by Malleus and Leona speaking in unison, Lilia's textbox moving forward without you tapping the screen to continue at all. In fact, no attempt to reach the menu or skip past was effective, now you were locked in this interaction.

Leona & Malleus: This doesn't involve you!

Malleus: Taking out your own insecurities on others like this, you really act as young as your age, Kingscholar.

Leona: Me? Look who's talking you wannabe edgy bastard.

The screen glitched, the edges of the screen darkened and tv static played over everything for a moment, before disappearing in an instant, both characters looked absolutely enraged.

Malleus: Edgy? Apologies that my natural charisma is too much for someone of your mental age to comprehend!

Leona: See? Just saying that proves my point! Most people learn to get over themselves once they move on from Freshman year, you know.

Malleus: If you want to prove anything, then stop harassing others with your sickeningly obnoxious attitude! Do you think you can counterbalance your toxic personality just by dressing and acting favorably to the player?

The background was slowly starting to fizzle out as the static returned, the character sprites and the textbox were the only things unobscured.

Leona: Whoa, be careful or you might cut yourself on that edge, Draconia.

Malleus seemed to be much more riled up now, and Leona looked smug once again.

Leona: Oh, my bad, you already do, don't you?

Malleus: D-Did you just accuse me of cutting myself? What the fuck is wrong with your head?!

That's new... None of the characters have cursed in the game before, and now that the vignette has gone off the rails, anything could happen. Your screen continued to glitch, everything around Malleus and Leona was getting fuzzy with more static, only their sprites and the textbox was able to be seen.

Leona: Yeah, go on! Let them hear everything you really think! I'm sure they'll be head over heels for you after this!

Malleus looked surprised again, now seeming to actually acknowledge you now.

Malleus: (Y/N)...? He's just trying to make me look bad...

He now addressed you by name, well the name that you put into the game for the protagonist anyways. His tone was strangely meek, unlike that of his usual character, his formal way of speaking has disappeared, now focused on defending himself to you, until Leona cut in again, also addressing you more directly.

Leona: That's not true! He started it!

The screen glitched again, two boxes appeared in front of the characters, one read 'Malleus' and the other read 'Leona', one on top of the other as you now had a choice to make.

Which will you choose?

[kingkat12]

romans your best friend and keeps flirting with you maybe nsfw 🤔 up to you

HEY YOU!! you bet i'm late as fuck to this, but i have boarded the inspiration station (no i was not on the toxic gossip train) (i'm sorry to everyone that gets the reference) but AGHHH I LOVE THIS ONE!! thank you so so much for this request, keep 'em coming!! 🩷💕✨

i don't smoke (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: smoking, mature themes, ish fluff, aggressive flirting, name calling, forced smoking, Roman is a cunt<33

summary: your new friend, Roman, insists he's not friends with girls. to quote him directly, he simply doesn't do that. still, he enjoys your company during a small smoke break as you skip class... but he insists; you're never going to be just friends, and he's determined to prove his point.

word count: 1,081

a/n: this gif of him smoking two cigarettes killed me, then gave me life and inspo<333 brain going brrrr, and YES OMG i'm doing oneshots and requests again!! enjoy, my loves!<3

I knew Roman would think I was the biggest loser on earth the second those three dreaded words escaped me; "I don't smoke,"

He remained emotionless, shrugging as he retreated the box of cigarettes he had been holding out in front of me. We stood behind the school, our backs leaning against the hard concrete wall as the sun fried the top of our heads. "Freak," he mumbled, rummaging his pockets in search of his lighter. 

Excuse me? "You're a much bigger freak than I am," I felt my jaw clench involuntarily-- my frustration was certainly building. "At least I'm not smoking myself dumb."

Roman cocked a brow as amusement danced in his deep, green eyes; "Yeah?" he said, fishing two cigarettes out of the box. Why two? "And who are you to call me dumb? If anything, we're both dumb. We only know each other because we failed a test and had to retake it."

I hated how right he was. I hated any instance in which he was correct. A few weeks ago, we had gotten acquainted in that small room in building B during a retake of the hardest math test I had ever encountered-- the difference was that I had actually studied for the first one, and Roman had simply not shown up for it. It was only me, Roman, and some random substitute teacher who had been called in to make sure we wouldn't cheat. Thankfully, the teacher was incompetent enough to leave the room to chat with a friend on the phone, which was when Roman leaned over my desk and said we could use the calculator he had smuggled in under his shirt.

I would've failed that test if it hadn't been for him. And now, I was failing to show up to class because he said he didn't want to smoke by himself. I wasn't sure why I had agreed, seeing as I didn't smoke (clearly), but... it was Roman Godfrey. One look from him was enough to make any girl at this school faint, and being seen with him gave me a new status as one of the cool ones. I loved that feeling, reveled in the looks I would get walking down the hallway with him, and I honestly enjoyed it more than I probably should-- 

And ever since the retake, Roman and I had been friends.

Only friends. 

Friends. Just friends. I wanted it to stay that way-- the Godfrey circus was not one I ever wanted to join.

Many things had changed in the weeks we had become acquainted, but one thing would not; I was not going to smoke. "Fine," I eventually muttered, crossing my arms over my chest. "We're both dumb, then."

Roman shifted, turning to me. Reacting, my eyes darted up at him, but I frowned as I was reminded of the amount of cigarettes in his mouth. Again-- why two? "Okay, Roman, that's taking the addiction too far,"

"Nu-uh," he managed to say with his mouth full. He also managed to smile, a knowing look in his eyes as he brought his hand up to his face. Roman left one cigarette between his plush lips, and I didn't have to be Sherlock Holmes to realize what he was planning to do with the other one.

I glared up at Roman as he held out the lit cancer-stick for me to take. "No," I prompted, shaking my head.

"Don't be a fucking wuss," he bit back, grinning down at me. 

"I'm not!"

Roman rolled his eyes, kicking off the wall. "Come on, open up,"

I felt my breath catch in my chest as he placed himself in front of me. He was towering over me, practically caging me in-- "No," 

Roman's laugh was warm, yet menacing. "Have a puff, at least,"

"No!"

"What is up with you? Have you never smoked or something?" 

"... Yeah, I haven't. So what?"

The following laugh was just as sinister. "I'll teach you, then,"

"I don't want you to teach me, drop it!--"

What happened next was beyond unexpected. Roman reached forward with his free hand, squeezing my nose shut with a harshness that hurt, which ultimately forced me to breathe through my mouth. Swiftly, he placed the cigarette between my lips, calmly taking a drag of his own before he pulled away.

As I inhaled the smoke, I managed to give him a proper kick before I succumbed to a heavy cough.

Roman only laughed. Over and over. The ridiculously pretty sound of it echoed through my brain as tears filled my eyes-- it felt like I was being choked by fire. Fire and smoke. Where was the fire alarm when I needed it? In my second act of rebellion, I threw my cigarette to the floor, stomping it repeatedly. "Hate you," was all I managed to force out, rubbing the tears out of my eyes.

Roman hummed, looking as amused as ever. He took a long drag from his cigarette, savouring the taste, savouring the smoke, before blowing out a perfect ring. It was clear that he had practiced that numerous times. I watched it evaporate into thin air as I tried to catch my breath, my gaze now darting to the single strand of brown hair that strayed from Roman's stylings, hanging over his eyes in a perfect, soft wave. 

He caught me staring, his green eyes darting back at me with newfound challenge. His voice lowered, his next words coming out in a husky breath; "I'm gonna make you smoke yourself dumb if you don't stay away. Do you know that?" Roman watched my every reaction, my every movement-- "I told you I'm not just friends with girls. That's not how I operate."

I did my best not to shudder, but it was damn near impossible. Sure, Roman was pretty and he had told me this numerous times, but there was no way in hell anything would happen between us. I would never allow myself to fall into that category of girls. "We can be friends," I tried, blinking away my remaining tears.

Roman sighed, tilting his head as he stared at me like I was the dumbest little puppy he had ever seen. "No," he said, effectively sinking his words into stone. They were permanent, a statement to remember. "We're not going to be friends."

"... Why not?"

With a simple shrug, Roman threw his finished cigarette to the ground. "Because people don't usually want to fuck their friends," His strikingly green eyes darted back at me as a smirk formed across his lips. "And I so desperately want to fuck you."

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

my academic journey (warning: i ranted) -

so ever since i started school till about the end of 8th grade i was always a 90%+/straight A student. the kind of child my classmates & cousins would be compared too. not trying to glamorize comparison btw, i personally think that's really toxic & pressurizing. so yeah, i was a "good" quiet kid. i listened attentively in class and submitted all my homework on time. the only complain teachers had about me was that i was "too quiet" but that wasn't a real issue. i was just shy but talkative with my few friends yano. i spent the entirety of 7th grade & most of 8th grade in online classes so my habits of studying went to shit. still somehow managed 91% in my 8th grade finals. and then 9th began and it all went downhill. teachers kept saying 'next year is ur board exams, u need to study a lot, etc, etc.' so if u're not from india we basically have these major 'board exams' at the end of 10th & 12th grade. but 10th boards don't really matter all that much, teachers just make a big fuss about it. 12th boards matter, but that's also the time we give college entrance exams and that sorta matters more according to most ppl. n yeah, idk what happened but i got overwhelmed. i could no longer just do well in class and study before exams and get good marks. i felt dumb. my grades didn't see a single improvement. i honestly gave up in the middle of it all and got sick of school. and at one point, it became less burn out & more clinging to the familiarity of not doing anything. i became lazy. and i became a hypocrite. i'd always tell myself, this time i'm gonna study, this time i'm gonna score well. well that 'this time' never came. 10th grade got even worse and i scored 73% in my board exams because i barely studied at all. at the same time, my relationship with my parents has constantly been unraveling. and i saw just how much of their 'pride' was dependent on me being the kid they could show off and smile widely when others replied 'wow she's going places'. my father can't hold a single conversation with me now that doesn't go back to me being a disappointment. and now i'm the kid who has to listen to her parents compare her to others. 'be like her, your friend', they say. halfway though 11th rn and i guess what?? still no fucking improvement. but the thing is i know this is the last straw. i can feel it. i got around 64% in my first tests (pa-1) of 11th. haven't gotten mid term results yet but i'm estimating just above 50%. and the thing is it's not that i can't score well. i know my potential all too well. i know i can score such high marks. but the problem is i don't study. if i just studied a couple hours every day, i can easily manage above 80%. with constant improvement i can manage above 90% again. but i don't. and that's ending right this instant. i'm not gonna turn into an academic weapon overnight or smth ik that. but i'm gonna start slowly but surely working hard. i have big dreams, i know i can achieve them if i just put in the effort. plans have been made, all i need to do is execute them. execute my laziness. i'm gonna get better. i'm gonna prove everyone who thinks i'm never gonna do it wrong, and i'm gonna prove myself right. this comeback will be for me, my inner child. the little kid in me deserves to not wind up a washed-out failure.

academic goals! -

pa-2 - 75-80%

11th finals - 80-85%

12th pa-1 - above 90%

uni - iiser (college for pure science research, bs + ms integrated)

[stilljuststardust]

"Married to misery" why it's so hard to let go of the old story.

Disclaimer: Nothing I'm saying is meant as a criticism. I am able to see this in other people because I've seen it in myself.

Before I get into any of this know that you don't have to constantly feel positive emotions in order to shift or manifest. This post is not asking you to magically cure yourself or anything of the sort. I am asking you to be open to the new story. You don't have to feel happy to do that.

Also see: "you don't need toxic positivity to manifest or to shift"

Stepping into the old story is uncomfortable because so many of us don't how to validate our emotions without telling ourselves that we're just "doomed to suffer" or that our suffering makes our journey special.

I am going to be sharing my own experience on this because I want people to know they aren't alone and other people have gone through it and come out the otherside.

I won't describe my exact mental state but know it would've required some trigger warnings. To anyone worried, no this wasn't recent, it was a while ago. Hopefully the insight I gained in myself can shed some light for you.

I was seriously mentally ill for years and what I realized coming out of it is that though I may have craved happiness, I rejected happiness as a concept, because it was uncomfortable, it didn't feel safe or familiar.

I would say that I wanted it all day long but in action I actively fought the idea that it didn't have to be this way. I was infuriated by the notion of change.

To make progress I realized that wanting had to be more than craving but the willingness to accept it as a possibility and the openness to change.

The hardest part of letting go of the old story was letting go of the ways I had used it to validate my personal pain because I didn't know how to without it. Being reminded that things could get better often felt invalidating because I was terrified of not being taken seriously for my suffering.

"I feel awful and I don't like how often I'm feeling it" often leads us into thinking "nothing is ever going to work for me", but it's important to ground ourselves and realize that feeling like shit is not divine undeniable proof that it isn't going to work.

I think it's hard to help people break free of negative mindsets because for many people it immediately leads to a sense of shame and therefore defensiveness.

So many people grow up in environments where their feelings are not validated or taken seriously and as a result do not know the difference between recognizing the role we play in our own suffering and blaming ourselves for said suffering.

The statements "Its not your fault" and "you have the power to change" can and DO coexist.

When you grow up being told your feelings are silly and meaningless you may fall into feeling as if you have to justify and defend your own suffering.

Recognizing the ways we ourselves have fed into it is often a painful experience because it reignites old feelings of shame and hurt.

What people want is to be seen and understood in their suffering. When they don't receive that from others they often default to romanticizing it, telling themselves their pain makes them better, or different, or that pain is in some way beautiful or important as a way to cope.

And honestly realizing that it's not beautiful or unique and that it isn't bettering you in any way can be hard because sometimes it's the only way we know to rationalize it.

But pain isn't inherently beautiful or virtuous, it's just pain.

You don't have to worsen your suffering to be witnessed in it. I see you, I recognize how much you're hurting. Your problems matter to me.

You don't have to prove your suffering for it to be real.

When I finally recognized this mindset within myself is when everything finally changed.

I am not "doomed by the narrative" I'm the fucking author and I will find happiness no matter what because I fucking said so.

Make no mistake, I don't have a good mindset because of luck I have it out of spite. I will have exactly what I want because fuck anyone who told me otherwise.

I promise you CAN manifest. Let go of the idea that you're fighting an uphill battle. You don't have to be.

This is the law of assumption, if you assume that your manifestation journey is long and treacherous, it will be.

[shewrites444]

jealousy [dom! xavier thorpe x reader smut]

[ this is a requested prompt that i am super excited to write on! i will say this one shot does contain some angst and toxic themes, but it does end positively, of course. enjoy! ]

word count - 3k

[summary: the reader unintentionally makes xavier jealous at the carnival, and he intends to make her feel the same way he felt. when she confronts him about his immature actions, the two argue, but there's only one way that seems to prove their feelings for each other are true.]

[warnings: jealousy, possessiveness, arguing, angry make up sex, unprotected sex, daddy kink]

-

"don't you understand how stupid this all sounds, xavier? you're my boyfriend, for christ sake! why the hell would i make any sort of move on ajax?" i shout across the room as i slip my black converse on, looking over to my frustrated boyfriend, as he paces back and forth across the wooden floor, the boards creeking at each obnoxious step he took. "all he did was help me win that panda at the fair. he is obviously interested in enid, and has been your friend for years, so he'd never do anything to come on me, and you know i wouldn't allow it anyway!"

"you sure? because the way you hugged him when he handed you that prize said otherwise. what's next, he wins the poe cup in your honor? i don't fucking think so." xavier says, walking over to grab his keys and aggressively hand me my jacket. "i can't believe we have to go to that stupid dorm party tonight. i’m sure he's going to be eyeing you all night."

i roll my eyes and scoff, sliding my jacket on before opening the dorm’s tall door. "it's you that for some reason still wants to go. once again, no sense in making someone jealous when they don't want me in the first place. you're being ridiculous about this.”

he takes my hand as he locks the door, before walking down the hall with me and towards the next one, remaining silent during the five minute walk to ajax's dorm. our fingers were interlocked but the hold was fairly loose, as the two of us stared at the floor while we walked through the darkened hallway.

xavier and i had been together for a few months now, and while we rarely argued, jealously, and being overly possessive, seemed to be a pressing issue in our relationship. my boyfriend wasn't the kind to take other guys flirting with me lightly, and assumed that the smallest shit, like me literally hugging ajax, who was also my own friend, to be a sign of me returning affection that wasn't even there from either one of us in the first place.

upon reaching the dorm, xavier opened the door and greeted everyone with a smile on his face, sitting down on the bed aside yoko and enid. as i went to sit on his lap, he lightly nudged me off, which caused me to raise a brow, and plop down aside him instead.

"so, how was the carnival?" enid asked with a smile, looking around the room with excitement. "did you guys win any prizes? i got another shark plushie for my collection!" she pointed across the room to the giant mountain of stuffed animals against her window that was practically unable to be missed.

xavier rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. "[y/n] won a panda, actually. it's super cute, if i say so myself, but it would be much cuter if i won it for her. isn't that right, ajax?"

ajax sighed, looking up to xavier awkwardly. "chill, bro. i happened to be at the booth and lended her a hand. she's not the best aimer when it comes to darts." he laughed in an attempt to ease the burning tension, but obviously, that made xavier way more amped up.

"she's also not the best when it comes to showing her friends affection. she's also not a big hugger, so she must have been really thankful for your help."

"xavier, quit it. you're being embarrassing at this point. i really don't want our friends thinking this of you, or our relationship." i frown, looking around the room of clearly uncomfortable guests while he nods, patting his hand on my thigh.

"you're right, baby. my fault." he says sarcastically, looking to enid. "i'm sure you had some sort of game for us to play, like usual?"

she nodded awkwardly, coughing to break the silence. "i did, xavier.. everyone up for truth or drink?"

everyone nodded, and we were thankfully, back into our normal routine as a group. back and forth, everyone went around with the bottle of cheap vodka passing from hand to hand as we each admitted something silly we were asked, or took a gulp of the horrifically smelling alcohol.

when it was xavier's turn, enid must have not thought her question through, because it sure got him riled up again.

"have you ever had a crush on someone else in the room besides [y/n]?" she asked, everyone muttering a small 'ooo' under their lips.

he chuckled, taking the bottle and placing it between his legs before looking to bianca. "obviously, enid. that lovely siren across the room from me."

bianca blushed softly, batting her blue-colored lashes before her cheeks flushed. "that's ancient history, xav."

that nickname slid smoothly out of her mouth, and boy, it stung me like a hornet. i held a fist aside my thigh to avoid letting anything slip out of my mouth, while i watched the encounter through a blank face. enid looked to me with pure panic on her face, as she mouthed an obvious 'sorry' while i merely nodded at her words. it's not like she was the one being a complete asshole about this, or blowing it insanely out of proportion.

"is it?" he answered with a wink, causing bianca to giggle loudly, as ajax interrupted the sinful flirting with a gesture towards xavier to grab the bottle of vodka, taking a hefty sip to prepare himself for the next few hours of pure torture for everyone except xavier, apparently.

the fact that he’d flirt with his ex in front of me to purposely make me feel jealous blew my mind. yeah, it worked, but this was on purpose. i knew he didn’t have feelings for her anymore, but he sure knew how to make it seem like it.

the next hour was complete and utter torture for me, as i watched everyone discuss the latest nevermore gossip and enid give a tour of her giant squish collection. as the night grew closer to midnight, i not only grew tired, but i was also ready to head back to my dorm and call it a night. it was best i didn’t speak to xavier tonight or crash at his place, because i really didn’t want my night to go further south than it already had.

“well,” i began, standing up and grabbing my phone, stuffing it into my pocket. “i think i’m gonna head back to my dorm, guys. it’s been fun.” i smile awkwardly, nodding to enid and giving her a soft thumbs up. “thanks for inviting me, i’ll see you in class monday.”

i turn around to walk out, shutting the door behind me before i speedily walk down the dark hallway with tears collecting in my eyes, reaching my dorm and upon shutting my door, i kick my shoes off and plop onto my bed, batting my eyes and wiping underneath them to calm myself and avoid any further embarrassment, even though i was now alone. while xavier did mean the world to me and i truly did love him, he could be a serious asshole at times.

i hear a knock on my door and i roll my eyes with a scoff, clearly aware of who was waiting for me on the other side. like i said before, i really didn't want to speak to xavier tonight, but he was really leaving me no choice.

i stood up and opened the door with a blank expression, allowing him to walk inside. i turn around, my hand still on the knob as i looked up to him with a frown.

"if you're just here to argue, then you might as well walk right back out this door." i say sternly and a bit flatly. "what you did at enid's was so embarrassing for not only you, but us. you know i didn't mean to make you upset, xavier, but you made me upset on purpose. you don't even like bianca, so why the hell would you pull that?"

xavier rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged lightly, walking over to sit down on my unmade bed. "look, i'm sorry, babe. i really didn't mean to make you that upset, i was just trying to make you feel the same way i felt."

i frown, walking over and sitting aside him, taking his hand and squeezing it softly. "our relationship isn't a competition. we need to talk things out before coming to conclusions, and also using other people to make someone else jealous? that's just fucked up."

"i'm sorry." xavier said quietly, resting his chin on the top of my head with a heavy sigh. "you know i love you."

"then act like it." i say coldly, looking up to him as i chewed on my bottom lip.

he pursed his lips together with a heavy sigh, pulling himself away from me before standing up, grabbing me by the ankles and pulling me down to where my back pressed against the mattress. he climbed on top of me and i lightly nudged him off, attempting to squirm out of his tall build.

“let me prove i’m sorry, baby, please..” he said quietly, pressing his lips against my neck while i continued to fight his touch.

he ran his tongue against my heated face until he landed at my mouth, pressing a soft kiss against my lips while his hand reached in between us to slide the waistband of my pants down.

i shook my head, kneeing him in the stomach, which quickly got him off of me.

“ouch!” xavier frowned, looking up to me as i got off the bed. “what is wrong with you, [y/n]?”

“what’s wrong with me?!” i turn to face him, my hands naturally throwing themselves into the air as my frustration only grew. “you’re the one who thinks i’ll just forgive you after we have sex.”

he sat up, sliding himself off the bed before walking towards me until my back was against the wall, with nothing but his hands sliding down my waist and to my ass, squeezing lightly before he leaned down to kiss my forehead.

“i didn’t say you had to forgive me, babe. just let me please you.”

i roll my eyes. “i would’ve been pleased if you didn’t throw a hissy fit tonight. now get away from me before i knee you where the sun doesn’t shine, xavier.”

he pulled away, holding his hands in the air and smirking down at me. “okay, fine. you wanna play that way, we’ll play that way.”

“what?” i quirk my brow. “what way?”

“the way where you pretend you don’t want me railing the shit out of you right now.” he smirked, taking my hand and pressing soft kisses against my knuckles. “i know you’re mad at me, but that doesn’t stop you from imaging what it would feel like to have me inside-”

“shut up.” i interrupt, pulling my hand away harshly before walking back to the bed. i sit on the side and cross my ankles as they hang above the floor. “you can leave now. seriously. maybe we should sleep this shit off.”

“gosh, [y/n], stop being so hardheaded.” xavier complains, walking up to me again before wrapping his hand around my neck, the other motioning down to press against my warmth through my pants, causing me to moan lightly.

a satisfied sigh slips from xavier’s lips as he steps closer, looking down at me as i avoided eye contact. “honestly, [y/n].. i’m not sure you’d be able to take my dick tonight.” he grinned, glancing down to the erection that was forming in his sweatpants. “i don’t know if you can handle me fucking you while i’m upset with you.” he slides down my pants to my knees, leaving me in my white panties, which were already covered with my wetness, despite how much i didn’t want to admit it.

“mind if i stretch you out a bit, baby?” he smirks, moving my underwear to the side before his thumb attached to my clit, rubbing softly and earning a heavy moan from my lips. he added one digit into my folds, fingering my softly as he began to open my walls up.

“you’re gonna take my dick so good, love.. i’m gonna make sure you’re mine tonight, and always, hm.. would you like that, baby?” he said softly, watching as he pumped his finger inside of me, while he gently added another.

i bite my lower lip, shaking my head slowly as i looked down between my legs. "you make this so complicated.."

"then fight it." he said back, raising a brow as i looked up to him with a shocked expression. "that seems to be your favorite thing to do tonight, right? fight?"

i scoff, rolling my eyes. "you're hilarious if you think i'm gonna fight this. go harder. you wanna fuck me mad, then prove it."

he nodded with a grin, tightening his fingers around my neck as his others finger fuck my dripping entrance. his digits curled within me, sending me into a loud moan as i looked down to watch his erection grow in his pants. his eyes glued against my entrance while he added another finger, making me yelp as all three fingers fucked me deep, stretching me out the more he pushed himself inside.

he pulled away once the bed began to hit the wall with each movement he made in me. he helped to flip me around, pulling my underwear down to the floor before sliding his own off.

"this doesn't mean i forgive you." i mutter, feeling his tip press against me before pushing inside. "i'm still angry."

"how about this," xavier began lifting my ass up on the bed and pressing my back down, pushing himself deeper inside of me, causing me to yelp as his balls hit my clit through one rough thrust. "less talking, more fucking. we'll talk about it in the morning."

i groan in annoyance, pressing my head against the pillow as i nod, sighing heavily. "fine. fuck me then."

"that's more like it." he leaned down to peck the back of my neck before his hands locked around my waist and he began to thrust, holding me tightly while he fucked me from the back, the two of us moaning in sync while the bed shook and the floor squeaked at xavier's every move.

"you're so wet, baby.. it's like you being mad at me just turns you on even more.. you gonna let daddy come in you tonight?" he cooed in my ear, pressing a kiss against my sweating temple. "i need to fill you up."

glancing up to him, i bite my lip and nod, small moans slipping off my lips as he pumped in and out of me, his hands traveling down to rest on my ass as he continued to thrust.

"you gonna answer me in more than a nod?" he said sternly, slowing down his pace as he leaned over to watch my facial expression drop.

my cheeks heated up and i sighed, locking eyes with him and nodding once again. "fine." i scoff, grinning softly. "fill me up, daddy. you wanna be so possessive over me, then prove it. make me yours."

"fuckkk.." he moaned at my words before starting a rhythm inside me again. his fingers gripping my ass cheeks with every thrust.

after a few more strokes, he wrapped one hand around my stomach before flipping me over, hovering over me and positioning himself once more.

"hold your legs." he said, watching as i took both of my ankles with each hand, holding them above me while my legs spread further and he slid inside of me once more. "i wanna be as deep inside you as i can be, love."

he slammed himself in and out of my walls, my legs shaking from the amount of stimulation he was filling me with. as xavier thrusted, i watched his face while he stared at my chest through my tank top, one of his hands trailing to slide underneath the shirt and to rub against my nipples, playing with the stimulated buds as he fucked me harder and harder.

"rub my clit, too. i wanna finish with you, xav." i demand, looking up to him as he nodded, moving his free hand to press against my skin, rubbing lightly as he worked himself up to even the stimulation out.

i moaned loudly the more his thumb press against the sensitive bud, and the more the knot in my stomach grew at his touch. god, no matter how mad i was at him, he sure knew how to make me reach an orgasm. every fucking time.

"i-i'm gonna - fuck - i'm gonna cum..!" i shout through staggered moans, my eyes closing as my back arches underneath me and i let go of my legs, both feet crashing onto the bed while xavier picks up his pace, closing his eyes as his orgasm grows closer as well.

i begin to buck my hips up, reaching over to grab his hand that was on my chest, interlocking our fingers together and squeezing his hand as we both reach our orgasms.

xavier moaned heavily, slowly pulling out of me before laying aside me. he cupped my cheeks, pulling me into a deep kiss. he smiled softly before taking my hand again.

"you still hate me?" xavier said with puppy dog eyes, taking me by the waist and pulling me closer to him. "because you're stuck with me, love."

"oh, fuck you." i kiss his cheek before slowly sitting up and pulling my top off. "fuck me again and maybe i'll hate you a little less."

"sounds good to me." xavier said before grabbing my waist and pressing me against the bed once again. he climed on top of me, kissing me once more. "i really do love you, though, [y/n]. i'm sorry about tonight. i let jealousy get ahead of me."

"hmm. how about this? less talking, more fucking." i copy his words from earlier, winking at him. "but i love you, too." i peck his lips in return, before pushing him down on the bed, and getting on top of him.

[ a/n: i also did want to mention i am back in classes and working more, so now so my posts may not be as frequent :'( nevertheless, please still share your thoughts and feel free to send me requests! ]

[aihoshiino]

chapter 146 thoughts

This chapter (and thus this chapter review) contains discussion of abuse, suicidal ideation and CSA, so if you're not in the headspace for that, skip this one and I'll see you next time.

we are so oshi no back

After last chapter left me fighting for my life to come up with literally anything to say about it, this was one of those chapters where I ended up having more and more to say about it the more I turned it over in my head. It still feels a bit disjointed and has that same issue of ripping through the events of the movie way too fucking fast that the arc as a whole has been having lately but this chapter was such a breath of fresh air I can't bring myself to care.

The chapter itself is more or less split in two, with one half dedicated to 15 Year Lie's in-universe events and the other focusing a bit on Aqua and Kana for, tbh, the first time in way too long. Admittedly, my enthusiasm for 15YL has waned given the reveal of just how much of it is completely made up but like. I'm still gonna over analyze this stuff. Sunk cost fallacy, don't fail me now!!!!

I joke, but the 15YL section of this chapter was legitimately bone chilling. That barrage of cuts following Uehara's attack on Airi…. fuuuuuuuck, man.

Airi herself is pure fucking poison this chapter too and I mean it in the best way. I continue to be incredibly impressed with how OnK understands the motivations of a person like Airi what her abuse of Hikaru is really about. When discussing this in 141, Miyako points out just how often victims of abuse can themselves go on to perpetuate their own pain out of a need to try and regain their dignity, but I think what Airi seeks in her abuse of Hikaru is control. We see how often she wields her power over him while pretending that he has as much agency as she does in their """relationship""" and it's repeated here, too; she throws the results of her own sexual abuse of him in his face as a way of permanently chaining the two of them together, all while tearing down his worth as a person as if to 'prove' he deserves to be trapped in her grasp. I've said before that Akasaka is unsettlingly good at writing toxic mothers but I think Airi has made it pretty clear that Akasaka understands and is thus excellent at writing abuse and abusers in general, and for someone like me who counts that as one of their favourite Themes (tm) in fiction, I feel quite well fed.

The abuse Airi hurls at him is also interesting from a perspective of paralleling Hikaru even further with Ai. We saw snippets of this in 140, of Hikaru characterizing himself as someone desperately trying to construct a version of himself that can be loved by others the same way Ai creates 'Ai of B-Komachi', a version of herself who can give and receive love in the way she thinks her authentic self is unable to. Airi puts this into more explicit words; Hikaru must construct this fake version of himself because there is no 'real' him and thus, he is inherently unlovable. Jesus Christ.

Knowing those words were swimming around in his head, it makes the HKAI scene that follows even more of a gutpunch than it already is. It's the most wonderful kind of miscommunication tragedy - with their respective traumas, there is basically no other way a talk like that could have gone and yet it's agonizing to see it play out. Ai's innocent cruelty in the face of Hikaru's pain and her suffocating smile… the worst part is, while I completely understand why this was so shattering for Hikaru, it's impossible to miss that this was, in a way, an expression of love from Ai; it was honesty, an admission of vulnerability. She herself even says she doesn't want to lie to him. But to Hikaru, what else could that have sounded like but a confirmation of his most godawful fear?

that said. the timeline here is very confusing. this seems to imply hkai were still dating all the way up to the murder-suicide, which seemed to be just before the dome concert but did the breakup really seem that recent during their phone call?? this whole timeline is penised beyond repair.

The art in this chapter in general is incredibly good but something in particular I want to highlight is how much and how often Aqua-as-Hikaru looks like Ai in these panels. I can't put my finger on what it is, but that similarity always makes me feel so warm and sad whenever I see it. For as much as he struggles with his relationship to her, Aqua really is his mother's son through and through.

and. man. what even is there to say about that scene in the rain and everything that follows. I was't sure if the murder/suicide was going to be featured in the movie but even the brief snippet of it that we got and that barrage of scene titles and Kamiki's silent scream… whoof. shit like this makes me really hope we get to see mengo illustrate a horror manga someday because i think she would absolutely kill it.

We cut back to reality to see Aqua reading the script and in perhaps the most interesting swerve in this chapter, we see that he has once again reverted to his double black hoshigans. And uh, am I going to sound like a terrible person if I say I'm really glad for this? LOL.

Obviously I would rather Aqua not be experiencing Suicidal Ideation (Bass Boosted) 24/7, but it's kind of a relief to see that one single conversation wasn't enough to totally shake Aqua out of that headspace. I've talked a lot about how frustrating I find it that 'Ruby finds out Aqua is Gorou' is treated as the finale to her black hoshigan arc and every ongoing thread, internal and external, attached to it was dropped like a rock with no further interrogation. It robbed Ruby of the opportunity for some really important growth and, imo, was just shitty for Kana and Memcho who were treated extremely poorly by her and got no apology for it. I was really worried this would be the case for Aqua as well and that his own dip into that rancid headspace would end on a wet fart which would really sting given just how little insight we've gotten into him this arc. But this chapter makes it clear that while some cracks have started to form in his armor, he's not in the clear just yet.

i mean, even if he was permanently back to one white star, aqua is such a little freak regardless………………………….

What this means in the long term is a little hard to pin down, both because we've had so little insight into Aqua's headspace this arc and because the exact nature of black hoshigan as a symbol has always been a little Calvinballed, but in this context and for Aqua specifically, I think we can read this as his conviction in the messy endgame of his revenge play being shaken up. I, personally, have been reading the black hoshigan as of late as an expression of the sort of futureless despair that can become suicidal ideation, at least for Aqua; since immediately after Ai's death, we have gotten incredibly strong hints that Aqua is suicidal, his guilt-fueled desire to die and his desperate want to experience a happy future at war within him. He more or less explicitly says as such in 106, expressing that this break in their relationship is necessary for Ruby to be able to live on 'after he's gone' - which strongly implies that Aqua's revenge play is intended to end with his death.

Knowing that Ruby is Sarina wasn't quite enough to shake his conviction, but their talk in 143 was. I do think Ruby just giving him some straightforward affirmation was a good starting point but I also can't help but wonder, with the context that his white stars were not indicative of a permanent change, if hearing just how deeply Ruby still relies on 'Gorou's' presence in her life struck a nerve for him. Paraphrasing her from 143, she straight up says Gorou is the one who gives her life meaning. And if that's how it is, what exactly will happen if he's gone again..?

Obviously this is all still speculation because even when I am begging on hand and knee Akasaka is refusing to give us Aqua introspection but at this point I have to make a guess at SOMETHING if i am going to say anything remotely coherent about aqua in this arc, so

ANYWAY!! AQUA AND KANA HAVING A NORMAL ASS CONVERSATION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!!! Ngl, it did give me a bit of a chuckle to see Kana voice the question of whether Aqua was getting too immersed in his role, given that people were accusing her of that back during the first round of the RBKN conflict.

I was also really surprised to see Aqua just outright say that yeah, he is at least flirting with suicidal ideation. Like - that's the first time he's said that out loud, to anybody??? In 143 he voices the less damning but still not great sentiment that he feels guilty for being alive but this is to my knowledge the first time Aqua has expressed his suicidal ideation out loud, let alone to anyone else. And… fuck, man! That's an absolutely terrifying thing to hear a friend say. No wonder Kana reacts like she does.

Because of my powers of Claire-voyance (read: basic pattern recognition and being in fandoms for 15+ years), I'm pretty sure people are going to be Very Mean to Kana about the way she chooses to respond to Aqua here but honestly? Not only did this tough love response feel very IC for her, but the clumsiness of it felt very honest to me. I think a lot of people in fandom lately just want characters to talk like fucking therapists all the time and have the Correct And Unproblematic Response to… well, situations like this. But Kana is an 18 year old girl who has her own share of issues and her friend she knows is dealing with his own huge amount of baggage just casually dropped an "i wanna kms" on her. All things considered, I think she handles it surprisingly well.

Because like… look at what Kana really says to Aqua here. She gives him some of their usual banter to diffuse the tension but then makes herself very clear: she does not want Aqua to hurt himself and makes him promise that he won't. It's clumsy and rough in the way Kana often is, but I think the important part - her sincere care for Aqua as her friend - really does shine through.

also cute that other people caught: Kana squishing Aqua's face seems to be an intentional callback to one of their on-stage interactions in Tokyo Blade, right down to Aqua making a identical scrunchyface to Kana. Extremely cute. I love it when Aqua is cute <3

Kana also being a person able to shake Aqua out of his black hoshigans also leans into something I've been hoping is going to pay off for a while now; the idea that Aqua's salvation is not going to come from any one, singular character but from the many different people who Aqua has built relationships with coming together when he needs them to support him. One of the things OnK has continually highlighted is the way isolation and lacking support systems warp and damage people's mental health and I think it would play excellently into that theme to have Aqua's support net, so to speak, to be wide enough to catch him no matter where he falls.

the product placement was very stupid but i did laugh pretty hard at it and then immediately go buy myself some potato chips so i guess it worked. genius mangaka aka akasaka.

All jokes aside, the note their talk ended off on was so lovely too. Aqua being honest enough to admit that being with Kana is fun and Kana getting all dokidoki and then quietly admitting she feels the same when she's alone… cute! But more than that, it highlights something about the AQKN dynamic I think is really important, regardless of whether their relationship is romantic, platonic, in laws, mlm/wlw hostility or whatever else; Kana is his friend and he can just be a normal boy and have normal fun with her without any ulterior motives. It's something Aqua doesn't really have in any of his other relationships so getting a reminder of that and what it means to Aqua was really good.

honestly i think i am just so starved of nice things happening to my son that seeing him opening up to one of his friends and admitting he has fun (HIS LAUGH!!!!!!) was like a shot of heavenly ambrosia for me. please can hoshino aqua have just one nice day.

OR UH… BASED ON THAT LAST PAGE…. PROBABLY NOT ANYTIME SOON….!!!

this is what i mean about this chapter giving me 5000000 things to talk about. kamiki is TALKING TO RUBY IN THE FLESH FOR THE FIRST TIME and i almost completely forgor.

why is he dressed like a dad about to take her out on a fishing trip, though

Ruby looks unusually solemn while she's praying, which is interesting. She's been pretty bright and high energy since 141ish so I'm curious what has her looking so comparatively dour. She's praying at a shrine, too, which means there's probably something on her mind. Nik (@akane-kurokawa) theorized that she's anxious about the upcoming scenes in the movie (LIKE, YOU KNOW, HER MOM'S DEATH) and until we get further insight on that, that's what I'm gonna assume too.

putting aside how Shrimptresting it is that Kamiki turned up out of nowhere like that, I can't help but note a certain horrible parallel between Uehara meeting young Hikaru in the rain with a black umbrella and Kamiki doing the same for his daughter…

cannot wait for that entire talk to get offscreened. lol.

break next week……………………………

[epickiya722]

Hi, I just wanted to say your blog has gotten me through all the my hero academia discourse from the epilogue leaks that have came, out I just find it so frustrating Remembering when chapter 430 came out the leaks taken out of context again. Seeing people hate on midoriya is frustrating to me as a midoriya lover and a bakudeku shipper. Being in fandom is so tiring will definitely be taking a break from my hero academia until Dec 4 when the volume officially comes out.

First, you're welcome!! ദ്ദി ( ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ )

Second, you should take your break!

I'm with you on how frustrating how this fandom can be. I am, too, a Midoriya fan (you already know I'm about to say he's my #1 tied with Miruko) and being a multishipper, I have came to like BakuDeku.

I'll tell you, seeing how everyone is reacting, I frankly find myself highly annoyed.

I don't discriminate, so I'm annoyed with just about everyone right now.

From saying this is canon and this is ruined and whatever else isn't helping anything.

It seemed almost no one learned.

The full chapter isn't out yet and people want to start ship wars.

BakuDeku's now coming for Horikoshi's throat are doing exactly what others have been saying for years, you are really proving what antis and others have been trying to call you folks! They've been calling the shippers "toxic" and now with the leaks out, BakuDeku are acting out. I thought you were better than this! Don't be attacking people, hello? Let alone the fucking mangaka???!!!

You can ship BakuDeku! Don't feed the haters what they want! DO BETTER!!

Oh, the other ship shouldn't celebrate so soon either. "Horikoshi has been hinting IzuOcha since the beginning. BakuDeku's were delusional into thinking their ship would be canon."

Show me you're an ass without telling me. Case and point.

First, can we drop that word, "delusional"? I hate it.

Second, I don't know if anyone is really paying attention, but the most Horikoshi has done with IzuOcha was make it feel one-sided. Izuku barely shown anything towards Ochako except being flustered around her like once or twice because she's a girl. Just like he has done with other girls.

BakuDeku shippers weren't delusional to ship them because look at the manga, just look. They even have a volume cover that looks to be a reference to Spider-Man and Gwen Stacy!!

What I hated about Ochako having a crush wasn't that she had a crush. It's Izuku, why wouldn't she like him? What I hated was the fandom chose to only recognize her for that. Whether you hated or loved Ochako, it feels like injustice to her to think only her crush on Izuku was important and then assume from barely fucking nothing that after eight years, he wants to date her because his possibly drunk ass looked at her and thought "I want to make her my wife, she's so pretty".

Sorry but it's a played out trope.

And after reading his previous works, Horikoshi making the main boy and girl canon don't even seem like his forte. It just don't feel right.

Now, them dating isn't bad and I know some people think "it will ruin Ochako's development" but again... how we know that with very little information?

And Izuku, my favorite green bean... this fandom really doesn't get you. I have unfollowed and blocked so many people within just year alone because of these bad takes about him.

"Bakugou should take that suit back". Bakugou isn't the only one who contributed to that suit. Yeah, he gave the most donation but saying that just makes him sound controlling. Don't do that. Don't make him sound like someone who would deprive someone of something just to control their actions. Bakugou fans, come on now.

After all the years of Bakugou being hated? Don't do that to him. I mean, I'm already disappointed in some of you, but come on.

Izuku ain't do nothing wrong that we know of! Cool your jets, first!

We don't have no full translation. We don't have all the pictures. The leaks gave to little to darn near nothing.

We don't know everything, but apparently it doesn't matter to anybody, does it, friend? (I meant the friend part affectionately!)

Again, I'm annoyed at just about everyone right now about this. Nothing is canon until everything is out on the table and every little detail is seen.

People were acting like 430 was such a terrible ending even before the whole chapter came out and now seeing them go "I guess that chapter wasn't so bad" is so funny to me. Oh, now it doesn't?

[alexandraisyes]

joining in on ranting in you're ask box part- uh- idk 3?? 4??? I dont even know anymore

Anyway, *cough* i think still have some of these left (edit: I just finished typing this all out and think is defiently an understatement-)

SolarNexus: Solar just goes off on Moon for how much he hates Nexus. Thats all I have for that. I'm sorry im this close to forcing myself to start writing fanfiction again just to write this. Also for my true loves kiss saves Nexus idea- and just to write about Nexus finding who he is instead of who he's supposed to be. .... can you tell i think about these two a lot? (Edit: I prove later that I think about them even more, and Eclipse)

BloodySun: I'm like feral for these two- just, like- Bloodmoon giving dead birds and stuff to Sun and he's absolutley digusted but trying not to hurt their feelings- i- ansusnhas

Servant Sun x Servant Eclipse: I've seen like 1 ship fic with these two but I dont care. I'm obsessed. They need to hold hands and heal and go to therapy together. Obviously Eclipse would defiently be able to help Sun more (cause lord Eclipse), but Sun could defiently help Eclipse too. (Is Eclipse faking losing his memories/being reset or some shit canon? I've read too much fanfiction- im going to assume it is for this) he can also help Eclipse learn that he doesn't have to be fake all the time and thatd be cute

Nexus x Dark Sun: I dont even have thoughts about this. Like I have feelings but I dont have thoughts. I cant even reason why I like this, I just like the toxic yaoi. I just like the concept of Dark Sun not even liking Nexus but manipulating him- like- Moon turned bad x biggest moon hater. I also just like hurting Nexus so other characters can help him heal. Only thing turning me off from this ship is that its an alternate universe of his ex-brother who would most likely be his brother again if he had a redemption arc. Like- I love seeing the ship and I like the concept just it gives me the ick, but thats okay cause I dong have to rot over every ship. Actually, I'm glad I'm not obsessed with this ship I dont need more angst living in my brain. ... I am obsessed with it in a platonic sense tho so I guess the angst is in my brain anyway

Nexus x Eclipse but its when they were looking for who made Eclipse: Nexus abolutley collared him. Im sorry. .. no im not, im right. Like, what is with Nexus and treating others like dogs??? Like first v4 Eclipse, and now Ruin??? Nexus is there anything you want to tell us??? Okay pet play- also doing that to the masochist is crazy, like if you're going to treat anyone like a dog why would it be Ruin that feels like setting yourself up for disaster. Even if he isn't actually a masochist he sure is known for pretending to be one

Nexus x any Eclipse ever: listen, im just saying I think he has a thing for Eclipse's (which is funny cause Moon fucking hates them) Treating Eclipse and Ruin like his dogs. Solar being his best friend. Even Dark Sun, who's a really smart Evil Sun who absorbed the knowledge of his Moon, so im counting him. Like I think Nexus would like being thrown around by Lord Eclipse, or helping to fix up Servant Eclipse. I'm just saying-

Eclipse ² x Nexus (gets its own section i rot about these three): them just reassuring the other's that they're loved and cared for- im sorry you can't tell me that these three don't all have some form of attachment issues- Eclipse being so used to people hating him that he kind of just instinctively pushes people away. Similar with Solar, but he does it more so emotionally while also feeling like he has to earn his place and do things for people. And Nexus also feels like he has to prove himself, and that he isn't good enough.

And they just reassure each other and then the others use their words against him (/pos) and they realize how stupid it sounds and anisnsusnsns <3<3 like- nexus being like "you don't have to prove yourself for anyone, Solar. We love you, you don't need to overwork yourself for us." And, like- solar saying it to him back- and Nexus is just like ".. okay listen-" and similar things happening with the other two and ensunsjss-

also they're the three worst at interaction (other than old Moon he takes the cake for worst at it, but its okay i love it)- like they're all pretty bad at it. Eclipse is Eclipse(aka memories as a villain, and is a sarcastic little shit), Nexus is just kind of awkward, and cmon Solar didn't really ever have any interaction after his split than his Moon and probaly kids, we know he can't talk to people easily. Honestly tho Solar is the best at it (he was able to start up a conversation with Moon easier than Moon could with him) and I imagine he's the one who orders at restaurants

And Moon hates both of Solar's boyfriends and Moon and Solar are friends and I think that's just kind of funny. Like Moon likes Solar so he doesn't stop being friends with him even though he's dating the two, but he's bitter about it (though honestly if Nexus had a redemption arc and it was proved he had a virus, I feel like Moon would hate him a little less. But he'd probaly still be insecure about Nexus probaly taking his place and everyone not really liking Moon again so he'd probaly still be an ass to him.)

Anyway they cuddle. Doesn't even have to be romantic, those three deserve to be in love (also the potential from forbidden love Eclipse² is Nausnsusnsn)

... I- shipping dynamics are neat

I apologize for making this so long, I expected it to be short and then I remembered I started to like new ships 😔

ALSO were being brave and doing this off anon (also id like you to know I genuinely just stared at my phone for a moment when I saw youd followed me lmao. I was so suprised [and delighted, you're neat]- plus it was like 4 am and I hadn't slept yet. I thought it was a dream the next day because I was that tired- I had to check cause i get very vivid dreams-)

All of these are so canon bro.

Solar saves Nexus with true loves kiss real? Real. I saw it with my own two eyes. It happened chat.

BLOODYSUN!!! They love their sunny and try to show that in the best way they know how, dead birds included. Sun is so grossed out by the blood and feathers and ough that's a dead bird ewww but he just forces a smile and nods and feeds it to his cats when Bloodmoon isn't looking. Then drowns his hands with soap and shampoos the carpet.

I feel like I've seen that fic too but my poor brain- Also yes, the pretending to be reset is canon. And that's so cute I'm-

Platonic ships are just as valid as romantic ones! And I really like the angst potential too heheheheh

Ayo 👀 Mmm I have thoughts about that but I must refrain.

Objectively correct. Nexus is an eclipsephile. He loves himself some eclipse.

POLY POLY POLY 🎉🎉🎉

THANK YOU FOR SHARING ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS THESE ARE SO TASTY OH MY GOD ROLLING THESE AROUND IN MY BRAIN

Also awww ur so sweet. I love ur art! It's very cute! Of course I followed!

Ask Game

[atla-confessions]

Hi, it's the Rozin anon. Crawled out from my w40k obsession back into my ATLA phase because of Roku's novel. I love that little twerp, what can I say to justify myself? (Sozin too, mwah *throws him into a blender*)

Came here to complain again. Shocker, I know. And I think I figured out why so little people actually took Rozin seriously and haven't reduced into a fandom joke, like 90% of the fandom did. It's because ATLA fans don't see Roku (and Sozin) as characters of their own too. They don't take them seriously and even had shown their clear dislike for the characters. It's understandable in Sozin's case. A bad guy, an imperialist, a traitor, a closeted bigot. But I, to this day, had never understood the hate surrounding Roku.

Seriously, what did this guy do? Left Sozin alone after threatening him? Killing Sozin would've brought disastrous consequences, because he is a fire lord who, presumably, has already earned nation's loyalty to him. Killing him would've caused so much pain in the ass to the future avatars as well. Besides, this is literally exactly what everyone's beloved Kyoshi did with her fire lord problem. "But Chin the-!" She literally didn't do anything until he came to her land. How many people had Chin's army killed before she stepped in? How many villages and towns had he pillaged before she stepped in? I know the avatar is a human and literally can't be an omnipresent beacon of justice, stopping evil no matter where it is, but... Come on, girl! Also, I don't care what you say, but, that's not murder. I played Ace Attorney, I can prove Kyoshi's innocence whatever she likes it/agrees with me or not.

The volcano death? Volcanoes are fucking terrifying, man! The Yellowstone Volcanoes used to give me NIGHTMARES when I was a kid. Often times, the lava is not even the worst part. The ash fall, which would lead to food shortage and therefore massive famine, the lava coming into contact with water producing toxic gases, the area being a hell on Earth in the foreseeable future, the earthquakes, the tsunamis! And Roku had to keep track of ALL OF THOSE THINGS AT THE SAME TIME. Even if people were already on the boats, they could still had been hit by a massive wave generated by another eruption. "But Aang-!" His volcano was on land and a bit smaller. Also he had to deal with only one. Roku had to deal with two at same time, that were in the close proximity with each other, all on the same small island. No wonder Sozin came to help.

And, okay. All of the points I mentioned had already been brought up by other people when defending Roku. But, now we finally have the Roku centric novels! Yay! Finally, Roku fans won't have to read dumb shit being said about their favorite charact-

Aaaaaand people are now freaking out over the leaks! I'm not going to spoil anything here, but just... Guys... Can we PLEASE not gatekeep fucking BENDING??? Your fave won't die or become irrelevant just because another character can do what they can. Maybe focus on something actually unique and important of theirs, like, idk, their personality??? Their relationship with other characters??? How pretty/sexy they are??

Anyway, I'm pissed off and now I'll go and draw young Roku in a cow print bikini. Femboy Roku agenda, idc anymore, I'm anon, what are you gonna do to me?

X

[natsumebookss]

Well, I feel like I've officially reached this stage in my feelings towards Magia Exedra:

It's not the game's fault, really. If anything, it's the opposite--it's not the game, it's the player. Lately, I see the trailers for the new game and go "that's cool," but in a sort of empty way that goes away after a half hour or so.

I have a confession to make, actually. I'm still on the fence about downloading Magia Exedra, about making that metaphorical contract again in this particular time loop. Let's talk about it.

For a bit of context, MagiReco was not my first gacha game rodeo. That honor belonged to Love Live, which I played pretty much until it died. LLSIF (as it's often abbreviated to) is a game I have extremely complicated feelings about. On the one hand, it's probably the one game I really consider myself to be any good at, the sort of game a streamer would point to and say "that's what people are gonna watch me for." On the other, it kinda fucked up my social life. I can't count all the times I turned down invites in college to tier events.

Tier culture isn't really something MagiReco had (thankfully), but it's basically this idea that if you grind an event enough and make it to the top 5000 in the server during that event, you get a fully buffed version of a special character as a reward, and if you didn't tier quite that much, you get the non-buffed version. From my experience, the unique combination of tier culture and stan culture that Love Live had was extremely toxic. Tiering in an event was a sign of love for your oshi, and if you didn't tier in her event, how big of a fan are you really? Add in the fact that tiering can take hours every day of work for over a week, and yeah, it takes its toll.

I can't remember exactly who said this, but I remember watching a video about Genshin where the person said "if you aren't paying with money in a gacha, you're paying with time." This is why I was extremely hesitant to play MagiReco at first, because LLSIF had eaten up both for me and I didn't want to fall into that loop again. So I compromised with myself to go F2P and give it a shot, and ended up loving it. There was a part of it that felt so free to me, to just be able to play a fun game without all the pressure (as long as I stayed away from Mirrors). The lore was amazing. Everything seemed perfect.

And then, somewhere down the line, I could feel it happening again. Playing MagiReco during the pandemic was one thing, when time wasn't as big of an issue, but I found myself going back to the event grind again, wanting to complete it before my mutuals. Thinking about it at work. Stressing about not having the new unit for my fave yet. This wasn't necessarily the game's fault. It was me.

Gacha games combine two of my biggest weaknesses: my love of collecting and my desire to be part of an "in-group." Like Shizuku, I wanted to belong somewhere, and felt that I had to prove how big a fan I was of something to get that feeling in fandom.

I thought I'd miss MagiReco a lot more over these past few months, but you know what really sealed the deal for me? Thinking that there's a reality out there somewhere where I didn't achieve any of the great things I managed to do this last month because I would've been too busy grinding for more Vampnagi and Darknagi slots. Because having all three Kanagis two-slotted isn't enough, right? You see all those other Kanagi stans with fully slotted Mirrors teams, right? It can't be that hard, right?

If you aren't paying with money, you're paying with time.

I can't say the post-MagiReco months have been perfect for me, but somewhere down the line, I just started feeling pressure towards the game, as if it was something I needed to be "good enough" at. And when that was gone, I realized I had a pretty good thing going without it. I explored other games, worked on my writing, started customizing another doll. Talked with my mutuals and realized they saw me as more than just a MagiReco creator.

Decided that maybe...I wanted to be more than that.

I love MagiReco for the lore, the community, the people it's brought to me. But I also recognize that it brought me back into old habits. I believe that there are people who are able to play gacha games casually without feeling this sort of pressure, but I don't think I'm one of them. Maybe it's the ADHD, maybe it's something else.

Maybe Exedra will be different. Maybe I'll have learned enough about myself to avoid my past mistakes this time. But, knowing that the game will likely come out right when I turn 30 makes me realize...do I want to pay with time again? Or would it be better if I sit back on the sidelines, read the lore, and talk about it on here without ever downloading the game.

To be honest, I still don't know the answer. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess I just wanted you all to know why I've been inactive lately. I still love MagiReco, and the whole PMMM franchise, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for the next step. And I think you all deserve to know that.

I'll keep this blog as a PMMM general blog regardless, and let you know what I end up doing. But no matter what, thank you for standing by me.

[ginger-snap-talkin-nonsense]

Glad someone acknowledges that what Mabel did is morally reprehensible, and what bothers me is people defend it by saying "she's 12". I mean idk about ya'll but when I was 12 I wasn't risking my family's lives to a nightmare demon for a dude, I was doing my fuckin homework lmfao.

I love Gravity Falls to death but the way they turned Mabel from a silly kid to an actual horrible person speaks to how badly the writers can't write female characters to save their pissholes, and fans defending that shit annoy me to no end. They do the exact same thing when the fucked up shit Princess Bubblegum did is brought up

I’m gonna co-opt this ask because this lets me talk about two things regarding criticism that I find really interesting in the internet world-that being “perception of wrongness” and “heart moments”.

Perception of Wrongness:

I can actually understand why people had a hard time calling Mabel poorly written by the end of series, because this is a trend that happens a lot when talking about media criticism as a whole, and it is the subconscious concern that one is going to be perceived as morally wrong for taking umbrage with a character or product that concerns a well poisoned topic.

Mabel is a girl. And because Mabel is a girl, there was no shortage of bad faith arguments regarding Mabel from episode 1 on as being anything from obnoxious to a Mary Sue to an actively bad person (before doing anything that one could call actually wrong).

So, when a fandom space is poisoned by arguments that boil down to “Mabel is a girl and I hate women”, people have a tendency to overcorrect in the other direction and decide that the character is without flaw.

You actually see this a lot with the infamous movie “Fight Club”, which garnered a fanbase of pathetic Andrew Tate wannabes slobbering on Tyler Durden’s knob. So now if someone (especially a guy) says they like the movie most peoples reaction is immediate disgust even though the movie itself is a blatant critique on toxic masculinity based on a book written by a gay man inspired by a hate crime he was a victim of. Well poisoned arguments made the thing poison, so anyone who touches it must be a poisoner. You don’t want to be perceived as condoning the the former-perceived as morally wrong.

I myself had issues with this actually, leading up to Nathan and I watching through the MCU I had an instinctive reaction to be disdainful of his opinion that Captain Marvel was a bad film even though I know Nathan is one of the most “girl movie” positive people on the planet. When we talked about the movie as we watched it it became clear that the problem was that Carol didn’t get to be a cool superhero because they spent so much of the movie proving she “deserved” a spot in the MCU when none of the other heroes needing such proof. Which I agreed with!

It’s hard to untrained yourself from internet discourse brain, but you’ll be better for the trouble if you do so.

On the other side of the creator/consumer spectrum!

Heart Moments:

Creators love the things they make. That is an obvious and redundant statement. But the love of that creation goes through a lot of changes. We’ve talked before about how creators will often insert characters from early drafts of projects into the final product even if the product doesn’t fit with them anymore (see Hunter from TOH), but we don’t talk as much about a similar phenomenon wherein a creator has a burst of inspiration and they can see so perfectly a moment in time for their art that rests heavy on their heart.

This moment could be a cool shot, an impressive piece of cinematography or animation, an actor giving a specific delivery, or a line you want more than anything. But as you write that moment is no longer viable. It doesn’t fit with the greater piece or writes a character out of character.

This is what happened with Mabel in Sock Opera. Alex saw the ability to have Bill say a line about siblings and sacrifice, which would allow one of the twins to say a big line that when the Stan twist was revealed everyone would go “OHHHHH SHIT SO WHEN HE ASKED WHY SOMEONE WOULD SACRIFICE EVERYTHING FOR A SIBLING AND SHE SAID DIPPER WOULD IT WAS ACTUALLY A PARALLEL AND-“. Mabel and the ramifications of the scene to make that heart moment realized were disregarded in its addition.

I actually noticed this for the first time in a Rooster Teeth show I’m fond of called “Camp Camp”. In the 4th season, fan darling David has a solo adventure in “The Forest” where he’s lost in the woods and struggles to survive leading to a nervous breakdown wherein he near kills a wolf, decides against it, and learns a lesson about the importance of kindness in the face of misery.

Problem being that if you know the show at all, David is literally the worst person to do this episode with. David is not only a skilled and experienced outdoorsman who made it his life goal to become a camp counselor as a child and loves the woods, but he’s also the only character who’s primary trait in unrepentant kindness to anyone no matter the cost. To the point that it’s actually his largest vice as it gets him and his loved ones in dangerous situations.

But nobody cared because David has a breakdown was something that looked good in gif sets. It was an episode built around a “Heart Moment”-this one being everyone’s favorite blorbo screaming and crying while emotionally collapsing. And that was a Rooster Teeth cartoon that’s messy as hell-Gravity Falls is groundbreaking shit! But both still suffered at the same root issue.

It’s hard to let go of the scenes on your heart. When the thing you’re creating means so much to you, and that part of it rests on your heart so heavy, it’s hard to bring yourself to remove the latter. But you have to ask if the character you worked so hard to bring to life is worth potentially sacrificing to get that one moment off your heart.

[academicgremlinhehe]

my academic journey (warning: i ranted) -

so ever since i started school till about the end of 8th grade i was always a 90%+/straight A student. the kind of child my classmates & cousins would be compared too. not trying to glamorize comparison btw, i personally think that's really toxic & pressurizing. so yeah, i was a "good" quiet kid. i listened attentively in class and submitted all my homework on time. the only complain teachers had about me was that i was "too quiet" but that wasn't a real issue. i was just shy but talkative with my few friends yano. i spent the entirety of 7th grade & most of 8th grade in online classes so my habits of studying went to shit. still somehow managed 91% in my 8th grade finals. and then 9th began and it all went downhill. teachers kept saying 'next year is ur board exams, u need to study a lot, etc, etc.' so if u're not from india we basically have these major 'board exams' at the end of 10th & 12th grade. but 10th boards don't really matter all that much, teachers just make a big fuss about it. 12th boards matter, but that's also the time we give college entrance exams and that sorta matters more according to most ppl. n yeah, idk what happened but i got overwhelmed. i could no longer just do well in class and study before exams and get good marks. i felt dumb. my grades didn't see a single improvement. i honestly gave up in the middle of it all and got sick of school. and at one point, it became less burn out & more clinging to the familiarity of not doing anything. i became lazy. and i became a hypocrite. i'd always tell myself, this time i'm gonna study, this time i'm gonna score well. well that 'this time' never came. 10th grade got even worse and i scored 73% in my board exams because i barely studied at all. at the same time, my relationship with my parents has constantly been unraveling. and i saw just how much of their 'pride' was dependent on me being the kid they could show off and smile widely when others replied 'wow she's going places'. my father can't hold a single conversation with me now that doesn't go back to me being a disappointment. and now i'm the kid who has to listen to her parents compare her to others. 'be like her, your friend', they say. halfway though 11th rn and i guess what?? still no fucking improvement. but the thing is i know this is the last straw. i can feel it. i got around 64% in my first tests (pa-1) of 11th. haven't gotten mid term results yet but i'm estimating just above 50%. and the thing is it's not that i can't score well. i know my potential all too well. i know i can score such high marks. but the problem is i don't study. if i just studied a couple hours every day, i can easily manage above 80%. with constant improvement i can manage above 90% again. but i don't. and that's ending right this instant. i'm not gonna turn into an academic weapon overnight or smth ik that. but i'm gonna start slowly but surely working hard. i have big dreams, i know i can achieve them if i just put in the effort. plans have been made, all i need to do is execute them. execute my laziness. i'm gonna get better. i'm gonna prove everyone who thinks i'm never gonna do it wrong, and i'm gonna prove myself right. this comeback will be for me, my inner child. the little kid in me deserves to not wind up a washed-out failure.

[warabidakihime]

Beneath the Orange Sky

Characters: University Student! Gojo Satoru x Reader | Implied College AU | lowkey taylor swift coded

Synopsis: Beneath the orange sky, hand in hand, we find solace amidst life's chaos, a quiet moment that speaks of our unwavering love and the promise of a shared journey. Together, we are unstoppable, ready to face the world and create a story that defies the odds.

Content warning: mentions of toxic family members and profanities.

--

"Fucking hate that bitch with all my heart." 

Satoru whipped his head in your direction at the speed light, and for a split second he suffered from a minor whiplash. His voice was a pitch higher than usual when he spoke, "I beg your pardon. Who’s got you all riled up, sweetheart?"

You looked at him, your eyes a mixture of indifference and conflict. You huffed as you continued to look at the horizon with a million things racing through your mind. "My mother."

"What did she do this time?" He groaned as the image of the bane of your existence appeared in his mind. He, too, despises that woman with all his heart and soul.

"Nothing new; I just finally came to the realization that I really hate her with a passion." You said with a humorless chuckle.

"And what triggered that train of thought? Care to share?" Satoru said as his arm found its way around your waist and pulled you close to him. He then places a sweet kiss on top of your head, his lips lingering a second later as he shamelessly inhales your intoxicating scent.

You instinctively leaned your head on his arm, seeking comfort from your golden retriever of a boyfriend. "The other night, she welcomed herself in my room. She said she wanted to fold the laundry in my room since I have the AC on and it’s blistering hot outside. At first I was like, ‘whatever’ and just minded my own business, but as she stayed longer in my room, with her phone blasting in full volume, her making herself comfortable on my bed as if she hadn’t scarred her daughter mentally and emotionally, her audacious aura and obscenely entitled ass, all of it were hanging in the room, I found myself suffocating."

As you told your tale, Satoru’s grip on you tightened, and from time to time you’d feel his hand gliding up and down your sides as if it were his way of consoling you while you opened up to him. And so you continued, "I was watching something on YouTube, and for the most part, I was invested in what I was watching, but even with both of my earphones properly placed in my ears, I can still hear her damn phone, and for some reason, moments later, I started to hear her own breathing too. It infuriated me, and it took everything in me not to snap. I hate her. I fucking hate her so much."

So much venom was slipping through your lips, but as sad and cruel as your tale was, your eyes were devoid of any emotions. At this point, you are way past weeping about the spilled milk that is your mother and your relationship with her. Gone were the days when you would beg on your knees for any semblance of decency from her.

So why are you still living with her? Well, as much as you wanted to bolt out the door, you simply couldn't, as your current savings can only last for so long. Of course, Satoru more than willingly offered help, but because of your sick pride, you kindly declined his offer. You wanted to prove to your mother and pretty much all your toxic family that you can and will rise from the ashes using only your resources. They’ve downplayed your capabilities so much that you made it your life’s mission to fucking show them that you will someday succeed, and all of them won’t be able to say anything but the same old, bitter things.

Fortunately, graduation is just around the corner, and you can finally set your plans in motion. You were absorbed by the company you interned for, and you will start shortly after graduating. The salary and other benefits they offered you were promising, so saving up won’t be a struggle for you anymore. You and Satoru actually agreed to live together after graduation, and you’re in the process of looking for an apartment as we speak. Meanwhile, Satoru will work for a different company, but like yours, his is also highly promising, so the future ought to be very bright for the two of you.

All you have to do now is hold your breath and be patient. Just a couple more strides, and you’re finally on your own. The impending changes that will occur in your life terrify you, but in order to welcome more good things into your life, you need to take the first step, no matter how hard it is, and besides, you have Satoru by your side.

Satoru’s voice woke you up from your stupor, "Why don’t you stay over at my place tonight?"

You looked at him again and smiled appreciatively. You stood on your tippy toes and gave him a sweet kiss on the lips, which he gladly reciprocated. "I would love to." you replied in between kisses.

Now, both of his arms are encircled around your tiny frame, and he has engulfed you in a bone-crushing hug. "Don’t bother going home to get some change of clothes; you already have plenty in my closet."

You chuckled, "God, I love you. You're a godsend, Satoru."

Your beanstalk of a lover shrugged his shoulders shortly after he momentarily pulled away from the embrace, and when you looked at him, he was already wearing his smug smile. "Tell me something I don’t know, sweetheart."

As you embraced the comforting presence of Satoru, a breeze gently rustled through the rooftop, carrying a hint of anticipation for the future. The sun was beginning to set, casting a warm orange glow over the cityscape. With his arms around you, you felt a sense of security—a feeling you hadn't known for a long time.

You looked up at Satoru, your gaze meeting his intense yet playful eyes. "You know," you began, "even with all the chaos in my life, I can't help but feel hopeful."

He raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Oh, really? And what's making you feel that way?"

You grinned, teasing him a bit. "Well, it might have something to do with the fact that you're not just my saving grace but also the one who makes my heart race."

Satoru chuckled, his signature confident smirk playing on his lips. "Well, it's not every day you get a real-life hero swooping in, is it?"

You lightly nudged him, savoring this playful moment. "Yeah, but you're more than that. You're my partner in crime, my confidant, and soon, my roommate."

"Ah, the adventure begins," he mused, rubbing his chin as if pondering the grandness of it all. "Living together, working together, and building a future together. I can't wait."

"Me neither," you admitted, nestling against him. "It's like stepping into a new chapter, and this time, I'm not alone. That's what gives me hope."

He tightened his embrace, his chest rumbling with a deep, comforting laugh. "You've got me, and I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. We'll face everything together, and if life throws any more challenges our way, we'll just handle them like the unstoppable team we are."

A quiet understanding passed between you—a shared acknowledgment of the hurdles that life had thrown your way but also the unwavering determination to rise above them all. The horizon before you held the promise of a brighter future, and as you stood there, feeling Satoru's strong presence by your side, you knew that together, you could handle anything.

With a final tender look, you took Satoru's hand, intertwining your fingers, and began to walk away from the rooftop. As you descended the stairs, you glanced back at the sunset-painted sky, a sense of peace settling over you. The challenges ahead might not be easy, but with your resilience, Satoru's unwavering support, and the love that bound you together, you were ready to face them head-on.

And so, as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting the world in shades of warmth, you walked hand in hand with the man who had become your anchor, your partner, and your hope for a brighter tomorrow.

Together, you were ready to embrace the future and whatever it might bring.

[swimmingclass1978]

About me (it pretty late but what ever) :

- so my name is Ariel / Ane 😃

-im a minor if i ever follow your page and you have some nsfw content then dw it was either an accident or i followed you bc of some regular looking post

-your honor im just a silly guy when it comes to the ghostface mask on women (or particualarly hot men)

-im so desperate for a girlfriend its not even funny

-loyal to one mutal and the other one is low key just there lol

- james/remus/barty kinnes im waiting please notice me

-this is basically a call for help lol

-a hellenic pagan but its new so let me be, no convering christians allowed

-Lady Hecate devotee❤️

-slytherin/ravenclaw but if i like you then im giving kinda griffindor energy? Tho i get tired easily and my social battery is lasting max of an hour, in the end of the day im a slytherin bro all the creepy shit i know is proving it

-I'm fine with any pronouns really but mostly he/she, they is also great but she has a special place in my heart even tho i hate it sometimes and he makes me want to scream and giggle

-so im a girl kisser and ace but i don't think i would date amab people. Its nothing personal just my preference but it also depends. (Idk why i put it here its kind of personal need for me to say)

-my favourite colour is green, but like deep green or like dead green not neon green and i also love deep red and black OH AND PURPLE BECAUSE I SAW A DORCAS FANART IN PURPLR AND OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

-im a yapper here but irl i don't talk much

-i love love LOVE true crime, canibalism and necrophilia like if you ever gonna ask me how bodies decompose and then listen to me yap im gonna marry you without questions, with the respect to all the victims and their close ones. no one should have been harmed,

-my natice language is polish but i also speak english tho its not as good as i wish it would be. Im also learning spanish (DO NOT ASK ME ANYTHING IN SPANISH ITS SHIT) and im learning latin on duolingo (i blame donna tartt). I also took german for 2 years (can count to three) and japanise for a year (can onlu introduce myself)

-im obsessed with collecting little animal figures/plushies and giving them names????

-i love reading and all the crafty things like painting, drawing and diy and id love to learn book binding one day even if my printer doesn't agree with me (update: i've binded my own fic it went at least bad)

-im also a poet and a writer so i suffer from creativity more times then id like to but i unfortunatelly love it all too much 😔 i don't publish my poems bc i fear they are not very good but i wish to be a published book author one day

-if you are a hater or use any of these tags: anti <character/ship name> or pro <character/ship name> or you are a canon fanatic who can't stand people having fun then dni bcz i dont want any of your toxic bs on my blog or in my dms/asks thank you very much

- if you want to share you homo/transphobic bs then get out and never come back

-adhd

-im a sucker for good no voldy hogwarts jegulus aus tbh, amd anything that contains slytherin skittles or black brothers/sisters, i love them

-i'm an attention seeking whore when it comes to comments under my ao3 fics im not joking when i say this

-classic literature enthusiastist and Balladyna lover literalnie to moja zona wdym ze ona nie zyje? Zyje w moim sercu

-i hate waking up but i love staying up all night we exist

- jestem na humanie i imo to widać, bo ostatnio zapomniałam jak obsługuje się pierwiastki. Nie wiem też co autor miał na myśli więc chyba jestem w piździe everybody

Fandoms:

-marauders - ao3 hates to see me coming

-greek mythology

- percy jackson

-good omens, i love them but considering things that have been happening then i dont think we will be getting seson 3 anytime soon :((( (update: nail count your fucking days and pray i won't finf out where you live)

-the poppy war thrilogy (started reading age 9 and kinda reggret it but happily it didn't caused me as much of my mental health as i thought) (dont repeat my mistake tho) (i'm weird now)

- bsd but i cant remember all the names yet I know whats going on so its fine

-TPN in every daydreaming sesion i gotta do an au someone as the main 3 its an addiction to amgst at this point. Also im making a petition on recreating season 2 so it will follow the manga

-The secret history and dps my friends hate me in atumn because of those two

-LAPVONE I LOVE IT

-low key papierz polak aż trudno uwierzyć, że polski fandom się nie poddał po 2021

-WIELKI PROSTRACJA BELIVER JAKBY PROSZE WAS GŁOSOWAŁABYM NA NIĄ W WYBORACH PREZYDECKICH 🧍🗣

FAVE MUSIC ARTISTS/BANDS: Mitski, Dawid Podsiadło, Radiohead, Gigi Perez, billie eilish, tv girl, i fear that a bit tyler the creator and chldlish gambino since its winter again (i only listen to him in winter???), the hazbin hotel soumdtrack....?, CZAPEL ROAWR 🗣🗣🗣🦅🦅🦅🦖🦖🦖

FAVE FILMS/BOOKS/BOOK SERIES': Dead Poets Society (book and the movie), 10 things i hate about you, Chłopi (movie and the book), song of the achilles, illiad, lapvona, seven hisbands of evelyn hugo, balladyna kochana moja, prolly more idk its late now,

FAVE CELEBRITIES: Timothy Chalalamele, ATJ, maciej have to, doda, anne hatherway(?), gosia (matka z rodzinki.pl), chapel roar, jezu no nie wiem ethan i andy,

HOBBY: drawing, painting, reading, writing, crocheting, diy, watching edits, baking & cooking, listening to podcast, thrifting, collrcting random items, talking to myself, reading fanfiction and probably more but i forgot, cóż mogę rzec, no człowiek wielu talentów

Current body count: seven kids in my basement, three burried in my garden (i do not have a garden)

I can be very funny believe me 🙏🙏🙏

Im also a charlie kirk hater and a feminist full of hatered (i will judge)

I do not know math but my esseys and creative writing works are amazing (at least i've heard) (from my mama 😃)

Kins: Regulus; Sirius low key but its pretty minor (i wanna be him); Pandora; sometimes Barty?; dorcas AND marlene (i dunno how bro it just happened) (pick your favourite gay)

Im happily married to jegulus twilight au with reg as bella that got abandoned in february 2024 (UPDATE: one chapter was added a month ago we are so back) and to a demon james/human regulus au that is still ongoing but id let it tear me appart and i would apologise to the author( im talking about The Devil Tastes Devine by TheBiButterfly on ao3 (it has me in a chokehold tbh)) and to OTB by @solmussa (hi *shy*)

Ships: jeggy, wolfstar, dorlene, pandlily, marlily, emmary, rosekiller, bartylus, pancas, marylane, lilylane, any marauder lesbians, nobleflower, quillkiller, teddromeda, poppy x minnie (i forgot their ship name), evanreg, jarty, kinda rosekiller + lily, rosestarkillerchaser(any variant of them really), moonwater, percybeth(is that their ship name?), solangelo, (shin)soukoku, any legal lesbian ship thb, i also liked jily in the past but the toxic shippers ruined it for me :( i still love her tho thats my wifey

My ao3 fanfic:

there is a light, i feel it in me: COMPLETE, black brothers angst, jegulus, wolfstar +more, trauma healing, angst/fluff, everything pandora and barty are doing is great i do not make the rules

there is no time; we are all gonna die: blacl cousins angst, Narcissa Black Centric, no beta we die like the blacks, hurt/no comfort, basically idgaf if you dont like the characterisation im just being realistic

Face reveal (bros gonna be blinded by the face card frfr):

Im also a proud owner of this justin biber ahh haircut I thought it was a wonderfull idea few months back and i do feel the best in my skin i've ever felt since my dysphoria went almost 2lvl down but no one want to talk to me at school now i think its not very nice of them tbh im a great person sometimes

Thats all lol have a good time or whatever

[darklinaforever]

If you think Daemon cheating make no sense you didn't pay attention and i can see you watch the show only with shippers eyes cause Daemon being unfaithful is set up there from the beginning. Rhea ok he hated her but then he leaves Mysaria for Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra for Laena at the wedding and again Laena for Rhaenyra. Daemon is fickle man, when he gets something, he gets tired of it faster and desires something new, that's cause he's that chaotic that can't stand to be stucked with one only thing, one only person, he needs new emotion to feed his fire. “fucking is a pleasure, marriage is a duty but that doesn't stop you from fucking who we want” he wasn't talking exclusively about Rhaenyra, which set up with definitely the possibility of him having affair with Nettles in the future, if they want, it wouldn't be random nor surprise cause would make perfectly sense leading to that, and to be honest, i don't think they portrayed Daemyra to be goals. Rhaenyra thinking they're soulmates it's cause she is his victim and he made her believing that. It's the consequence of grooming. She sees him as her only support, he made himself to her necessary, that makes her easily vulnerable and eventually manipulated. They're not healthy. They never was and never will. It's not about hating, you're no rational just attacking some people who don't think the same way as you, cause fairly they see the abusive side of the relationship that you conveniently ignore with your own headcanons. Not only you, all the Daemyras lack of rationality making up stuff that nor cast, writers or the author ever said.

This dialogue in episode 4 is literally just there to show that Rhaenyra can do whatever she wants in a marriage that is supposed to be a DUTY at the time instead of a pleasure. A way to find comfort and freedom in a forced relationship. I doubt anyone with a functioning brain would have thought that this was proof that Daemon was a fundamentally unfaithful man in any type of union he had in the future. That's an overinterpretation to fix your biased vision of a horribly villainous Daemon.

Then Daemon didn't leave Mysaria for Rhaenyra. It's not even clear how they actually broke up on the show. (In the book, it's mainly Viserys' fault) Probably because he was away at war for 3 years maybe? You don't know anything about it. I do not know ? It's not specified in the series what exactly happened between these two.

Then, Laena flirted with Daemon during the wedding in episode 5, but Daemon had originally come to look for Rhaenyra, except that we learn in episode 7 that he wanted to "spare" her for stupid storyline reasons. Rhaenyra apparently being a child when she was 19 years old, an adult by our standards and those of Westeros. When I say that this show is written haphazardly... Whereas in the book, after asking for Rhaenyra's hand, Daemon was simply exiled by Viserys under penalty of death if he ever returned to Westeros.

Then, as already said : for a man who apparently all of season 1 has been preparing him to be a future cheater for season 2, it's a bit stupid that we've never actually seen him cheat and in reality faithfully to every woman he's been with in couple in a consensual manner. Wow. What an incredible set up indeed.

You can complain all you want, but it's a fact that we've never seen Daemon cheat on his companions in the series. And it's not this quote that you take out of context that proves anything, and even if Daemon cheated on Rhaenyra in the rest of the show, it would still be a shitty set up, and in fact, not one set up at all. And even less the stupid shit excuse that the writers came up with to explain Daemon's departure for years, even though they literally had the book on hand for that.

Also, I'm repeating myself, but the show canon will never interfere with book canon or you'll never be able to know for sure whether Daemon cheated on Rhaenyra or not.

And I never denied that there was a toxic aspect to Daemyra in the show. (impossible that this is not the case with the OCC strangulation scene of episode 10) On the other hand, in the book, apart from saying that it may seem problematic in view of the differences in modern morals that we have, there is nothing fundamentally unhealthy / problematic / toxic about Daemyra's relationship in Fire and Blood. (Besides, @horizon-verizon did an excellent post on this specific subject that I recommend if you have the courage and open-mindedness, which I doubt)

And once again !

Also, I highly recommend @horizon-verizon educate you on all things historical context, daemyra + grooming bullshit, daemon being a predator of young women, with Daemon seemingly being a pure villain instead of the gray character he is, Daemon and his relationship with Nettles and much more.