#& in the last one. wolverine has nothing. he has nobody. he has no name. he is naked and covered in blood.

[avocado-writing]

being the worst wolverine’s wife and one day you get zapped by the TVA for whatever reason, and it looks like you completely disappeared, this is what leads logan to become depressed, start drinking and ultimately ignore the x men when they die etc etc

he goes with wade purely bc he would if you were alive- he couldn’t give less of a shit about wade’s universe but he can feel you over his shoulder like an angel telling him he needs to do this (i imagine it’s like the jean hallucinations he had in the wolverine movie)

what if you’re in the void and he finds you with the rest of the group, like being unable to believe you’re really here?

hehe i love angst and ily avo <3

I already did a “Logan meets you in the void” fic here so I didn’t wanna make this too long or I’d just end up hitting the same beats!

1.4k. rated m for excessive use of the word “fuck”

The day you disappeared you took his fucking soul with him. 

You had been out shopping. Nothing weird about that, he wasn’t some overbearing husband who demanded to know your location every single hour. But then afternoon had turned into evening had turned into night and nobody had heard from you. The unfamiliar sensation of panic had risen, queasy, from his stomach into his chest. They sent out a search party and looked for days. Not a trace of you to be found. Logan couldn’t smell you. Fuck, he’d never not been able to smell you before.

He would hunt for you every day, hoping to find you alive but trying to level with the idea of you being cold and dead because at least then he’d have closure; he’d stay awake for hours on end until he collapsed from exhaustion… then he’d wake up and repeat the whole horrible affair. Nothing. After weeks of searching, Charles had laid a hand on his arm. Logan can still remember the look of pity on his face, like a bomb to the gut. 

“I’m so sorry, Logan.”

They had to assume you were abducted and killed. Your body never turned up. And Logan just had to… keep going. How was he meant to keep going? You were his entire fucking life and then you were just…

Gone. 

To say he was left empty was the biggest understatement of his fucking life. He was a shell of the man he once was. He never laughed any more, never smiled, always trying to plug the hole your absence left in him with whatever alcohol he could get his hands on. Drink himself to a place where he could forget you.

It never really worked. At least it made him numb to the pain though. 

When he staggers home one evening, eyes bleary and head spinning, and finds the whole mansion torched? Everyone left that he loved fucking dead? Well, it takes the last vestiges of his existence and crushes them into dust. 

Oh, Logan, he hears in the back of his mind. Your voice. It breaks him. He falls to his knees, hands buried in the burning timbers, and wails. 

He survives. He does not live. Thinking about everyone he’s lost, with you haunting the corners of his consciousness, always reaching out to comfort him - but when he goes to nuzzle into the warmth of your palm he is overcome with rage and bitterness to find it’s just his own imagination playing tricks on him. 

Then a fucking idiot in red dragged him away from the shambles which was his life and forced him to be functional again, if only barely. He’s angry, so angry all of the goddamn time, even when in the back of his mind he can hear you speaking sweet, calming words to him. 

And then he hears your voice for real. 

Sees you standing across the base this pathetic resistance has made. You look older, sure, he does too - but there’s no mistaking the fire in those eyes. You’re even wearing the same fucking shirt you went missing in, he remembers it, it has a picture of your favourite band. 

His heart stops dead in his chest as you whisper his name. 

“Logan?”

“Oh shit!” says Wade, and Logan has never wanted to kill him more, “Oh shit! Is this your refrigeratored wife, coming back to throw in a third act character arc?”

Logan finishes the bourbon bottle and throws the empty at Wade’s head, where it shatters and knocks him flat. You wince at the violence and he feels like pure shit. 

“I’m fine,” Wade calls from the ground, sticking a thumbs-up into the air. 

“Logan, I…” you clearly want to say something, but you have not been met with the Logan you knew. That Logan would have spent no time running to pick you up and hold you in his arms. This one half-snarls at the man he bloodied on the floor. 

There is an agonising silence, both of you wanting to speak but not being sure how. You take a hesitant step forward. 

“I never thought I’d…”

“How do I know it’s you?”

You recoil like he’s stabbed you with his claws, confusion and hurt flooding your face. Goddamn. He is the worst man alive. He’s not sure if he’s saying it because he just wants to lash out at the nearest person, or…

… or if, because he gets his hopes up, it might just kill him to have them crash down again. 

“What?”

“All these fuckin’ timelines. How do I know? How can I be sure that you’re you?”

The sadness in your face melts away into anger. When you step forward this time, you’re on the warpath. He sees the others in the room cringe, trapped now in this caustic reunion. 

“How can you be sure it’s me? Fuck, Logan, I knew it was you, didn’t I? What do you want? You want me to show you the shitty tattoo I got after we first started dating and we were both drunk?” You lift your sleeve to reveal a little design on your shoulder. “Want me to tell you how an eighteen-year-old Marie was my bridesmaid and she cried because she didn’t think anyone would ever be that kind to her after living as a mutant again? Want me to fucking remind you that in my vows I said I would be by your side, for fucking ever, no matter what - and how when that TVA agent zapped me when I was out for the day and I ended up here, it was only the thought of fulfilling those vows which kept me going? How about all that, or do I fucking need to humiliate myself more?” At this, you gesture to the others who have lined up at the side of the room, trying to look scarce but utterly failing. 

Your shoulders are heaving with emotions, tears hot and heavy in your eyes but not yet spilling over. Logan grits his jaw. Yeah. It’s you. 

“I…” he starts, but trails off when he realises there’s nothing he can say. You shake your head, numb. 

“Fuck you, Logan Howlett,” you spit, words you’ve never ever thrown his way before, and run out of the room. 

“Wow. Aced that one, peanut,” says Wade, and Logan rips off one of his legs. 

He finds you several hours later at a campfire outside the rundown building which makes up headquarters. LeBeau has clearly been kind enough to part with some of his liquor, because you’re gulping down whiskey like it’s air. You stare at him, embers dancing in bitter eyes. 

“What do you want?” you snap. He grunts as he sits down opposite you, either from age or exertion. Stares into the flames. 

“I never stopped looking,” he manages. 

You blink. 

“What?”

“I never…” he shifts uncomfortably. It’s been a long time since he bared this much of his soul. “I never stopped. Even when the others told me to give up, that I would only make it worse for myself, I’d still search. Couldn’t face the idea you weren’t there any more.”

It’s true. If he was twelve bottles deep he’d be looking, if he was hungover as a dog he’d be looking. When the rest of the X-Men were still there and even after they weren’t. If he wasn’t sitting at a bar he was on the streets, ever a bloodhound trying to catch your scent again. 

For the first time you soften. 

“Oh.”

“So… when I asked if it was you… ah, fuck. I didn’t mean to come off as an asshole. Just couldn’t live with it if it wasn't true. Wasn’t real.”

When you stand he expects a slap. He deserves it. What he doesn’t count on is you sitting down - not on the log next to him, but in his lap. He hasn’t felt you do that for so long, and it’s so good. Your warmth on his thigh. You grab one of his hands, still larger than yours, and press it to your chest so he can feel your beating heart. 

“I’m real, Logan. I’m right here, baby,” you whisper, eyes dewy. Fuck. His are as well; he can’t help it. He’s overwhelmed by you, your feel, your gaze, your smell. He’d forgotten how much he loved it. 

Logan noses upwards against you, searching for your lips, and you let him find them. When you stroke his hair he can feel the wedding ring on your left hand. The kiss is desperate, longing, and the best one he’s ever had. 

“Right here,” you repeat, forehead against his. He grips you so tightly that it’s possible he’ll never let go again. 

[dirtyvulture]

😎 I had an amazing dinner and holiday with my family and got to face time with my older sister and brother in law ( we also got to see her cute baby bump) so I am just so happy. I hope everyone had an amazing and safe holiday.

I will tell you this , people back in the 1800s didn’t put pictures in wallets like they do now . Pictures were a big deal because they were so expensive so those pictures had to be super important and were typically just put in frames . And they were typically big in size too, but they put pictures in locket necklaces for the ladies and for the gentleman they were placed in a pocket watch. I fully believe that John Howlett had the picture of both John and R while she was much younger ( the picture is the one I described in the last post , the one historical photo of that father holding his son and both having the biggest smiles and them “ goofing off” ) like 6 or maybe 8 ( R’s mutation hit when she was the ages between ten and thirteen like the other media wolverines did) in the pocket watch he was always wearing as it was one of his most prized possessions. I don’t believe or see Elizabeth wearing a locket with a picture of her daughter or the man she was cheating on ( her husband John) with the grounds keeper ( Thomas Logan) . I also don’t believe or see R WANTING ANY pictures of her mother but she would want all of her father’s pictures ( even if she had to face seeing her mother’s harsh and cold face) . R wouldn’t have the time or resources to take any of the photos of the family, of her father, or mother ( which she wouldn’t even want) because she and the Howlett family were blinded by Thomas Logan invading the estate at night while R was sleeping and killing John . R was then forced out and on the run , she could have taken the pocket watch while she was over her father’s ( John’s ) body before running. All the photos were lost and possibly found over time and possibly brought to the school where Nat sees them but didn’t know it was of R’s parents and of R’s family. Nobody did , Hell R doesn’t even remember them or her family. R doesn’t even know old exactly she is .

So R took off that night with her father John’s( She called him papa so it was her papa’s pocket watch) pocket watch and keep it close and tight with her, it was her most prized possession and one of the highest sentimental value . She may have learned that nothing is permanent and not to hold onto things too tightly but her papa’s watch was always the exception to the rule, She probably doesn’t even used it as a watch but just opened it to look at the face of her papa and remember a time when she was really happy. The watch could have been broken inside or just stopped working but the picture was kept intact and that is all R ever cared about. Then …….. Project X happened and R lost all of her memories but that old weird ass sliver pocket watch with all the  intricate details over the front and back of the piece as well as the odd engraving of the initials of J.E.H ( John Edward Howlett ) on the front means the absolute world to her and she doesn’t know why but it just FEELS IMPORTANT and that rule of nothing being permit and too sentimental to let go of doesn’t seem to ply to it , that it is an  exception to that rule. If though R has never once opened ( that she remembers ) it to see what is in inside it. R leaves it at the school as a promise of coming back to retrieve the watch as it is something that R would NEVER LEAVE BEHIND.

The last bits of the post and as a side not I don’t know if the canonical middle name is Edward , it just sounds historically accurate and it flows well to together. R was and still is (just cause the man has been dead for nearly two centuries and R doesn’t remember him doesn’t mean R doesn’t still love her dad )a daddy’s girl. In honor of Thanksgiving I will leave with a fluffy head canon of SB and Nat doing a family dinner with SB’s sister and her family ( this doesn’t have to be a thanksgiving dinner , just a dinner that the Sister insisted upon Nat being apart of because Nat is apart of the family).

SB was basically ban from cooking, setting up and contributing to the meal in any way , shape or form. It isn’t because SB is bad or clumsy in the kitchen, on the contrary SB is actually a really good cook and loves cooking for and helping cook with loved ones . It is just that with SB still in recovery and not being at full strength or able to stand up for long periods of time…. Sister would hate for SB to push themselves into being of  service which she knows SB would do that because she knows her sibling very well. That makes a very sad beef because they can’t do anything to help or make things easier for the people that SB loves so Sister buts SB on baby watching duty. Basically Sb has to hang out with their niece or nephew ( Watching Bluey , drawing, coloring, cuddling and whatever else) while Nat , sister and In Law move about fixing and preparing dinner and also coming into the living room with SB and Baby to hang out while waiting for food to be done. At one point they Face time Yelena who is away on deployment and Nat is so happy talking to her sister and introducing everyone ( besides SB ) and Yelena losing her mind over the baby and because of how cute they are ( and how cute Yelena knows Nat finds SB holding and enacting with baby. Yelena also knows that her big sister’s stance on NEVER having children changed REALL QUICK seeing SB with a baby or kids). After everyone ate and people were cleaning up ( again SB was band from helping) Nat walked into the living room to find a sound asleep SB on the couch with an equally sound asleep baby on SB’s chest . Both Nat and Sister cooed and of course took pictures.

As promised I will try and move forward to SB au thoughts ( even though there not very many at the moment) . But be warned one of my thoughts of the SB au could be very angsty. I also have a question, we mentioned Kate very briefly in the SB au and how SB , YELENA and Kate are a chaos trio . But is Kate in a branch of Military, in the same branch as Yelena? ( I think we decided that Yelena is in the marines) And what is the relationship between Kate and Yelena?

One very last thing and this is something that I forgot to mention. When Nat was looking at Elizabeth Howlett and saw nothing but the cold harshness in her face and eyes . It was a face and eyes that reminded her of madam B ( that bicth that Nat had that graduation ceremony and “ I have no place in this world” conversation with in the AOU flashbacks. She was in charge or one of the people in charge of red room widow training) or that of other widows on the job ….. hell even her own eyes before she escaped and met R.

Glad you had an excellent holiday, anon! I did too :)

Thank you again for educating us. ❤️ Without spoiling too much, I will say that R knows more about her past than you probably think, only because Professor X helped dig up files and do some consensual mind-reading on her. So not all her childhood memories were lost.

And look at you blessing us with a Sergeant Beef headcanon in the same post!

I love the idea that SB is actually a good cook, since they kind of struck me as someone who would be bumbling and unhelpful in the kitchen lol. Putting SB on baby duty seems like the best call, and you know Nat would be all over them for it.

Hmm...we've had some pretty angsty SB thoughts already, but please bring them over lol. I know we've only mentioned it in these extra headcanons, but Kate strikes me as an Air Force kind of person. I'd like to think that her and Yelena met before they enlisted and separated ways, but maintain a very close friendship still (although Kate is potentially interested in Yelena as more than a friend, but Yelena is kind of dumb and oblivious like SB so she doesn't realize it for a long time).

[thepartyresponsible]

Hiya, I was just curious as to whether you have any fics in the works atm <3 I'm a massive fan of your work and I saw your name pop up so I thought I'd ask :))

hi! so i recently got a bad things happen bingo card, and i've been working on a fic for that.

the inspiration for this one is that in some timelines, wolverine is a howling commando, which has always struck me as hilarious. but i started thinking about what would change if, after the war, logan went looking for bucky's body.

so here's a quick peek at what i'm working on for the near death experience square of that bingo card.

- - -

It’s 2012 – or 2014, or possibly 2011, but definitely sometime in the spring – when Logan shows up to ruin Bucky’s retirement. Again. He breaks from the tree line at a slouch, wearing that jacket he only wears when they need to go killing, and he’s scowling and tight-jawed, looks like he’s already tired of spitting other people’s blood out of his mouth.

“No,” Bucky says, and points over Logan’s shoulder. “Fuck you,” he adds, to establish a baseline of discontent. “We just did that thing in Serbia.”

“That was seven years ago, shithead,” Logan says. “I don’t wanna hear it. You think I want to be here? I had to take a boat.”

He always complains about the boat, like it’s not a Goddamn headache for Bucky to spend twelve hours scrambling up a mountain after the road runs out just to reach Logan’s sad little cabin in Alberta. There’s nothing wrong with a boat. The water’s peaceful. Sometimes Bucky spends whole days out there, listening to the water, thinking about Steve.

Anyway, unlike Logan’s Rockies, there’s usually nothing in the lake that’ll try to eat you.

“I replaced the motor,” Bucky says, because he spent a whole week on it, reading and learning. Installing the stupid motor. He did that for Logan, so he wouldn’t have to row.

Maybe he did it for himself, so he wouldn’t have to listen to Logan complain.

Or maybe he just did it to give himself something to do. Hell, Bucky doesn’t know. He gave up introspection in the ‘70s, and never got back into the habit. The world’s probably better for it.

“Fuck your motor,” Logan says, with exactly the kind of effusive gratitude that Bucky’s come to expect after a rambling six decades of occasional collaboration. “Pack your shit. Wash your hair. We’ve gotta go.”

Bucky feels, just for a second, like the ground beneath him doesn’t exist. Like some careless celestial bastard flicked the planet with an almighty forefinger, sent all of earth and its inhabitants careening into freefall, knocked wholesale into the atmosphere, every oxygen-breather alive doomed to death.

He can’t really describe it in his own head. Sure wouldn’t verbalize it to anyone who asked. But somehow, after everything, after the war, after the experiments, after winding his mind back together like it was a spool of thread hurled into a windstorm, that’s one of the scariest Goddamn things he’s ever heard. Logan Howlett saying Wash your hair.

“We putting on our dress uniforms?” he asks. Hasn’t been so long since the last one, he thinks. Morita. Heart attack. Winter in ’99, and hadn’t that been a bitch? All the snow and impassable roads made them two weeks too late for the funeral, but they found his grave anyway, in their own time.

Even then, Logan hadn’t told him to wash his damn hair. And Jones wouldn’t mind, which means it has to be Carter.

Someday, Bucky won’t know the name of a single living human being.

Well, except Logan. But he’s not so sure either one of them really meets the criteria for human anymore.

“No,” Logan says. And then, sharper, “Stop it, Barnes. Nobody’s dead. That’s the whole problem.”

“That’s a problem?” Bucky says, still shifting, counterbalancing for the gut wound of grief, the way it can eat you hollow before you’re done processing the bite.

“It’s Steve,” Logan says. He spits it out fast, makes a face after. “He’s alive. I think.”

But he can’t be alive. “No, he isn’t.”

Bucky would’ve known. He would’ve felt it. And all he’s felt since Logan dragged him out of that Hydra facility is alone.

Logan shrugs. His jacket stretches, blocky and thick, hides his muscles, hides the weird way he moves these days, like his bones are stiffer than they should be. “He just picked a fight with some alien in Germany. So it’s Steve, or it’s somebody wearing his face.”

Bucky’s lips pull back over his teeth.

If they could, the scientists would clone him, no question. Clone him and raise the kid in a lab, try to engineer a super soldier a little less Steve Rogers and a lot more Captain America. Which is why, in Bucky’s estimation, scientists had no business in war. They’d do any Goddamn thing. Look at what they did to him. Look at what they did to Logan.

Look at what they’ve done to the whole world, all electric and starving, plastic and sick, mechanized and heartless.

And maybe nobody’s better or worse, not really. But Bucky hasn’t known any soldiers who could kill a hundred thousand people in one morning.

Granted, he’s not really sure what Steve’s upper limit would be, if someone found a way to take the heart out of him.

“Gotta be a clone,” he says. “Or a mutant.”

“Whatever it is,” Logan says, “it’s a problem.”

It’s a desecration, is what it is. And Bucky didn’t know there was a single thing left holy in the world until this exact moment.

“Fine,” he says. “Let’s go solve it.”

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Abridged: 1979

The X-Men, those globe-trotting mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(X-Men 117 - 128, X-Man Annual 3) - by Chris Claremont and John Byrne, Terry Austin, George Perez

See Jean? Dark Phoenix is nothing: this is how you turn evil properly. (X-Men 123)

So, these things have been getting longer. Whoops.

Last year, plotlines tended to bleed over in one another, but this year is a lot more arc-based, jumping from location to location. This is basically X-Men: World Tour. After hitting Antarctica and the Savage Land, our team of merry mutants visits Japan, Canada, Egypt, Scotland and even a theme park! (And really, both Murder World and Disney Land are run by capitalist scumbags who pretend to be in it for the art, the only difference being that Arcade purposefully murders his guests.)

But, before we check in with the X-Men, we return to the Institute. See, there’s a mutual misunderstanding that wouldn’t be out of place in a Shakespearian tragedy: Jean and Charles think Beast and Jean were the only survivors of their fight with Magneto in Antarctica, while the rest of the X-Men believe they were the only survivors and Jean and Beast perished. Since the X-Men have been trapped in the Savage Land, nobody has been able to clear up the confusion.

With their grief driving a wedge between her and Charles, Jean leaves the mansion to deal with her feelings on her own. (She’ll end up on Muir Isle.)

This is adorable! And, if the whole "Empress of the known Universe "-thing blows up in her face, she can always become a barista at Starbucks. (X-Men 117)

Lilandra successfully persuades Xavier to leave Earth as her consort, now that there is nothing left for him. Xavier agrees, but not before having a flashback to the time he met another telepath named Amahl Farouk in Egypt. (The Shadow King isn’t relevant just yet, but he’ll become an important villain later on.)

The X-Men, meanwhile, cross a treacherous ocean on a raft and are picked up by a Japanese vessel. The Japanese do not allow them to call anyone, for some reason. Sure. When they finally dock in Japan - six weeks later - some arms dealer named Magnum Moses has put Agarishima is on fire. Like, literally an inferno of such big proportions that even Storm can’t do much.

What follows is an uninspired, slipshod adventure. For some reason, Misty Knight and Colleen Wing are there too, because the president needed American detectives to investigate Magnum Moses (?) and for some reason, Misty doesn’t know Jean thinks Scott is dead, nor does she mention she just saw Jean to Scott. AUGH. It will take almost a year for Scott to figure out Jean isn’t dead and it becomes increasingly more contrived. I get that Claremont needed to isolate Jean to make her susceptible to, er, a certain someone’s machinations, but holy fuck do I have to suspend my disbelief for all of this bullshit.

The only good things about this little arc are:

Sunfire is still a dick.

Wolverine meets Mariko Yashida, a Japanese girl who actually reciprocates his feelings, as opposed to Jean. I’ve mostly been ignoring his budding feelings for Jean, because I stopped finding love triangles interesting since I was 16 and watched The OC, so I can only applaud this development. Mariko brings out Wolverine’s soft side and it’s very adorable. Later on, she moves to NYC for some reason and they start dating.

There is something sweetly disarming about calling Wolverine ‘beautiful’. (X-Men 120)

Anyway, Magnum is holding Japan hostage: either they give him what he wants - I think that might be money, sorry, wasn't paying attention - or he sinks Japan by activating the fault lines and you guys, I am sooo bored. Unsurprisingly, the X-Men stop him and for once, it’s Banshee who gets to play the most important part.

It’s a good thing I was terrible at science, otherwise I might have to point out that earthquakes and sonic waves don’t work that way! I simply get to be entertained by little rascal Colossus, plugging his ears like a toddler, and Sunfire’s gritty determination to not be impressed by some silly screaming Irishman. (X-Men 119)

Banshee pays a steep price for the victory, however: his vocal chords end up damaged, leaving him effectively powerless for the remainder of the year.

Oh, and here’s interesting fact about the above spread: you may or may not know that Chris Claremont and John Byrne were notoriously terrible at working together; this issue became a particular sore point between the creators. See, Byrne wanted to run the above panel without the sound of ‘Kra-Koom’, believing the art was strong enough to convey the destruction. He was livid when the finished product ended up containing a sound effect after all. I get your frustration, man, but if you want a writer who knows how to say less with more, you should maybe not work with Claremont?

(One of the reasons Claremont liked being so verbose and descriptive in his scripts was because otherwise, the artist would fill in the blanks using his own imagination. It’s no wonder these two found it hard to work together.)

On the flight to the US of A, Colleen Wing hits on Cyclops. It has to be the jawline, right? It can’t be the personality. All of a sudden, a snow storm causes their plane to be diverted to Calgary. The cause of this delay is Alpha Flight, who want their Wolverine back!

When even the narration is all “and they think they’re equal to any team of superheroes”, you know you’re a bunch of C-listers. Ugh. (X-Men 121)

Vindicator, previously known as Captain Alpha. He changed his name after accidentally shooting Moira that one time, which is exactly the kind of hollow gesture this dude would make. Ugh. If you think his new-found remorse won’t let him threaten an airplane chock full of innocent passengers, you would be wrong.

Shaman, doctor by day, magic user by night. Him and his magical little pouch are to blame for the snow storm.

Sasquatch, Canada’s answer to the Hulk. (Hilariously, the theory on why he turns furry instead of green is because he’s closer to the Aurora Borealis and this somehow messes with the radiation?)

Snowbird, a young Arctic goddess. Precious. To be cherished. Barely there for this adventure, sadly.

Northstar, an arrogant, hot-headed speedster, the twin brother of

Aurora, a lover, not a fighter. Together, they have light powers.

Vindicator and Shaman hog most of the spotlight, so Alpha Flight continues to be the ever-loving worst. They’re really wasting Northstar’s first appearance here. Here's why they suck:

Alpha Flight accidentally smashes a plane and keeps threatening to drag Wolverine back to the military against his will.

They push the cover price of the comic to a whoppin’ 40 cents.

Johnny fuckin’ Hudson even provokes Storm into an attack in the middle of a mall.

Shaman lets his blizzard get out of control.

After Storm fixes this mistake for him, Northstar has the gall to knock her out, “because she’s obviously the strongest”. Like, you’re not wrong, but damn, y’all a bunch of unpleasant superheroes.

To stop the fight, Wolverine decides to turn himself in. The X-Men leave, but while flying back, they already make plans to save their teammate. Wolverine saves them the trouble, casually sauntering into the cockpit while claiming that pulling a fast one on them was the easiest thing ever.

To be fair, I understand why you’d want to put a country between yourself and those bozos.

And finally, the X-Men are home! Xavier left them the equivalent of a Post-It saying “off to space”, so they try to pick up their life as best they can. None of them contact Jean’s parents, make an attempt to visit her grave or happen to see Beast on TV and by now, my suspension of disbelief is stretched so far that it could replace Reed Richards on the Fantastic Four.

Ororo, meanwhile, makes a little pilgrimage to Harlem, to the building she grew up in before she moved to Cairo.

I have failed you as a recapper, because I have absolutely no idea how to parse this scene. (X-Men 122)

I think I’d have to write a full-on thesis before I could properly analyse this, because so many things intersect here: poverty and racism, the boundaries of a superhero comic, confronting a (shared) past. I can’t even fully gauge if this is a clumsy, privileged attempt at tackling a serious topic or rather, a valuable moment in a comic that continually tries to expand on its themes of racism, exclusion and prejudice. One thing I will note is:

Luke Cage delivers the sort of trite conclusion that they’re superheroes: they’re better at fighting Galactus than at fixing the human condition. Point is, he kind of has to believe that, doesn’t he? It’s the sort of blind spot we all permit ourselves: you can’t fix everything. None of us have the power to fix the earth, or humanity, or the economy, or whatever: if you’re lucky, you can maybe tend to your own garden and leave it better than you found it, ensuring some happiness for yourself and a few loved ones.

Chasing bank robbers is easy. Superhero stuff. But here? Who do you attack here? These kids, or the system that failed them? You can’t really punch a needle exchange into being. Maybe that’s the appeal of superhero comics: there’s a clear villain, which is so sorely lacking in our day to day lifes. There, we are ruled by systems that are rooted in inequality, patriarchy, gender...

But Storm isn’t like Luke Cage, not in this regard. Before she became an X-Man, she used her powers to help people that came to her. And the whole point of the X-Men - other than beating up villains in colorful spandex - is that they want to change the system. They want to fix things, they want to fix a dark part of human nature, the part that hates which we fear.

Storm doesn’t really respond to Luke Cage here, but we know she’ll keep fighting the good fight, despite insurmountable odds. You can’t fix mankind, I don’t think, but you can sure as hell try.

*coughs*

Anyway!

Black Tom and Juggernaut hire Arcade… to kill the X-Men! I’m not sure why? I thought these two usually attempted to solve things on their own and Arcade’s fee is, like, a million bucks, so…? Maybe Black Tom asked his boyfriend what he wanted for his birthday and Juggernaut clenched his fists and said “I WANT THE X-MEN DEAD” and things escalated from there.

So, Arcade is a subtle villain. While Scott and Colleen Wing are on a date, this happens:

I can’t decide which is funnier: kidnapping people by sneaking up on them with A GARBAGE TRUCK or the fact that Spider-Man deduces this is Arcade’s doing by the noise alone. (X-Men 123)

Spider-Man doesn’t really figure into the rest of the plot, by the way.

Arcade successfully kidnaps all of the X-Men (and their dates: Colleen, Amanda and Betsy). Who is this Arcade? Well, he is an assassin who lets his victims run through a gauntlet of some sort, testing them with potentially deadly results in his Murderworld. He’s like a discount-combo of Saw and the Joker, except a lot less competent and a lot more spoiled rich kid. He barely kills anyone, ever, until maaaybe Avengers Arena, some forty years later.

Arcade veers heavily to the silly side of the silly-to-sinister scale, but he at least commits to a theme. Bonus is that trapping your heroes in a bunch of ricocheting balls fubars them ever-so beautifully. (X-Men 123)

This whole adventure is very silly and has very little bearing on the overarching plot, but it’s a fun enough romp: Cyclops nearly gets squashed by a hydraulic press, Nightcrawler gets attacked by bumper cars with chain saws attached to them, stuff like that. The absolute best part is when Colossus is hypnotized by an illusion of the KGB and becomes THE PROLETARIAN.

His insignia is Vladimir Lenin, y’all.

After various shenanigans, everybody is freed from their respective booby traps, everyone except Colossus. See, Piotr has been feeling down, torn between the exciting new loyalty to the X-Men and the more dutiful loyalty to his family and his motherland. (Also, he’s been feeling like a failure because he came up short a couple a times, aw.) Those feelings are exactly what Arcade has been abusing, but when Colossus comes in for the kill, Storm gives the most heartfelt plea:

I’m not crying, you’re crying. (X-Men 124)

Arcade’s all: “Eh, can’t win ‘em all” and yeets the X-Men out of Murderworld. The story has barely any other repercussions, except we stop seeing Colleen Wing and Betsy (Piotr’s date) after this. To be fair, being kidnapped by a super villain is a good reason to stop seeing someone.

Even more inconsequential is the adventure in the Annual. The only important thing to glean from there is that, when Thor is unavailable, Storm is a suitable substitution. Couldn’t agree more.

The quality of the comic has been steadily ascending throughout the year and ends on a supremely high note: Proteus. Because I think it might be Claremont’s best work so far, I’ll be dedicating a full post to that. (Man, that 10-picture-limit is a real bummer, huh?)

Ugliest Costume: I don’t care, I just want someone to cosplay the Proletarian.

Best new character: There’s actually a few options - Snowbird, Northstar, Proteus - but both Jean-Paul and Narya don’t really show their best sides this year, so I’m going in a different direction. My pick is the Shadow King. He is a very effective foil to Xavier, perhaps even moreso than Magneto. I know I rag on Xavier and his cavalier attitude to bending others to his will a lot, but imagine if you had his powers: wouldn’t you just make people do whatever you want? Just, like, all the time? The Shadow King is an effective reminder of what Charles would have been like, had he been immoral. (Well, more immoral.)

No matter how cool your psychic battle may be, this is what it looks like to the rest of the world. (X-Men 117)

Turns evil: Colossus, for the first time!

What to read: 117, 125 - 129.

[praphit]

F9: What does Absurdity even mean anymore?

Due to COVID, I thought that my last movie theater experience was going to be "Bad Boys For Life". I'm happy to say that if I died today, I would be telling souls in Heaven that "F9" was the last movie I saw on the big screen (I'm sure that films are big talking points in the after life).

There weren't too many people there:

There was a woman coughing in the corner; I barely looked at her. I imagined that COVID was mugging her, and I didn't want to be a witness, and so have COVID come after me next. I'm vaxxed, but still I was thinking of ways to distract COVID, so I could enjoy the film. There was an old couple sitting up front (like REALLY OLD... sitting UP FRONT... Ha! that's awesome). Awesome or not, I was going to point them out if COVID came after me. There were two obese kids sitting a few rows behind me that I could also point out, as well as my friend that I was sitting next to... what?? Look, they would ALL want me to escape, so I could bring my "F9" review to the people!

WHAT??!

Let's not talk about my survival skills, let's talk some Vin & the Fam - that's why we're here!

It took a while for me to remember what was going on:

Dom (Vin), Letty (M. Rod), and their... kid? Oh, right, they have a kid, and they moved on to start a new life together. 

Didn't the real mom die or something?? Idk. You've got the British lady from "GOT" still hanging out with Luda and Tyrese. 

(they so crazy)

"Hobbs and Shaw" are still gone 

(making their own money, cuz bleep family!). 

Brian (Paul Walker's character - rip) is apparently, now everyone's babysitter. So, if anyone in this gang, who could die on any of these missions, ever have kids, they can just send them off to Nanny Brian's. 

There's a dude named Mr. Nobody who sometimes sends the gang on secret spy missions.

Oh, and people in the gang keep coming back from the dead. Boom! We're caught up with this absurdity. That's actually what I asked for when I got to the movies 

"Give me one ticket for Absurdity please."

In this batch of the absurd, we find out that Dom has a brother, and he's John Cena (Jakob). 

Charlize Theron is back! That must have been the worst bet that she has ever lost. I consider her to be one of the most underrated and underappreciated actors we've got, but movies like these ain't helping that case.

And who's idea was it to give her that haircut? - part of the bet she lost, I suppose. 

It was reported that the gang goes into space (at least two of them do). 

Annnnd the X-Men Jet is back! 

(it really does look like that - Wolverine included)

Seriously, after the X-Men's last two movies (which were turrrible), I was expecting them to crossover for a fresh start. Why not?? They're a spy team now, that goes to space! - nothing should be off the table.

They're looking for two halves of some... war sphere?? If put back together with some key... idk... John Cena rules the world.

Remember when Vin and the gang were all about street racing, money, survival, and brown booty? - those were simpler times!

But, why discuss the plot? Seriously, why? None of it makes any sense. From Dom and Letty living like Amish people (which is an ending worse than death for action heroes) 

to their convoluted explanation for bringing the latest person back from the dead (which reminds me of a married couple, when the husband or wife get caught watching porn, and try to explain that it was just a pop-up that came out of nowhere. The other spouse gulps their glass of wine and plows forward - that was me with this - gulping my soda (with a lil Henny) saying "whatever guys, let's please just move on".

and  what's going on with the two brother's is a thin thread at best. AND the villain's motivation...  

But, it's foolish to get into that., and take points off. I LOVE THESE MOVIES, but it ain't for the story. Let's grade "F9" by its own standards:

Racing, Action, and Family (they graduated from booty to family):

Racing

They've done the racing in a small city thing before, but this time it's with magnets! - SUPER MAGNETS!

YES!

I loved this! Cars are getting sucked into magnets. They're using them to make people fly away and explode. Which btw, they did my man Francis Ngannou wrong (an mma fighter). There's a fight scene with a giant white dude on top of a speeding vehicle. That giant white dude could have and should have been the role for Francis, instead he's just here to say high, and then blow up. As much as I loved these scenes, they were too quick in some areas. I think if they had slowed some of the magnet stuff down a bit, we could appreciate more what's happening.

Action

M.Rod is legit. 

She needs her own franchise. The only action star I enjoyed more than her was Vin, and that's really due to the absurdity of one scene. Do y'all remember the "Civil War" scene when Captain America has one hand on a building and another pulling back a helicopter?? 

It's the same level of strength needed for what Vin does in some underground chambers. You can see a bit of it in the trailer. He pulls the whole place down, and then, just like in "Civil War", he ends up in the water (but unconscious). Oh, and he does this after beating up like 50 people at once. Ha! I love it! Then, how he is rescued (cuz c'mon, he can't die) is splendidly preposterous, and I mean that is a complimentary way. That scene is perfection.

The only action that bothers me comes from Dom's sister (mia). 

She just doesn't sell being a fighter, but whatever. No disrespect... she’s beautiful, but... her hair might weigh more than the rest of her body.

Apparently, the highest trained fighters (agents) in the world (who have GUNS) never trained for a unskilled, unprepared, 110 lb woman in her 40's with a frying pan.

Family & Corona

Tyrese and Luda are always funny, but their act is growing a bit thin. It actually felt like an act this time around. I think it's time to add another black man in the mix; perhaps one who's older than they are... TRACY MORGAN?

Throw an OG in there and it'll freshen things up again. I do like though how Tyrese is starting to suspect that they might be immortals. I think they should test that theory out in the next movie; maybe have Tyrese break the fourth wall, kinda like Deadpool, as he realizes this is just a dumbass movie.

Dom and Letty's kid... terrible. I'm sorry! This is a bias of mine, but kids normally suck at acting. This one is no exception. Just get an older actor to play the young kid. I'm thinking Ryan Reynolds would have been a good choice.

You may be saying "that's absurd!" - I'm glad that y'all can still tell what that word means, cuz I can't.

The rest of the chemistry family magic is great!

Oh, and Cardi is here, but... barely (for like 30 seconds, if that). 

No rapping, no wapping, no cursing... kind of a waste of Cardi B, if you ask me.

John Cena aka Jakob with a K!

Meh. JC def has charisma, just not in this movie. He doesn't stand out at all. You know?? - The Rock, Jason Statham, Charlize Theron, etc all have a presence about them in this franchise. Cena?! what happened, buddy?

There are certain music artists whom you'd think would have a great personality based off their music and how they dress. But, then you meet them, and you realize that they're just normal bozos like you and I (only rich and famous). And normal bozos like you and I, AT TIMES can be boring. You gotta have some flair if you're not going to have personality. Give my man some pink glittery highlights, a face tat, some vampire teeth, and maybe a chainsaw for his left arm or something.

Grade: Good action. The absurdities were funny. I was entertained! Production was great! BUT it's getting tired, my friends. It's the same formula that I've mentioned and then, like always, they're grilling and drinking Corona's in the sun. After nine movies (with at least two more on the way)... I never thought I'd say this, but it's actually not absurd enough. Wait... I seriously can't believe I just said that.

I need to say that again to know it's real.

This movie wasn't absurd.. enough? ENOUGH. IT WASN'T! They're going to need to step it up for the next two.

They were in space, but not for long. They raced for the most part in regular cars (regular for them). . You only brought ONE person back from the dead??! C'mon! We can do better.

I'm giving it an entertaining C+

I like that we saw different younger Dom's (during flashbacks) through time. I think that the next type of vehicle they bust out should be a DeLorean.

Y'all feel me?? TIME TRAVEL, baby! 

Vin and the gang race through time! They can have Tracy Morgan. They'll each have a younger version (or older) of themselves join the group. Cardi B will actually do something this time - maybe turn into a car! 

And maybe Cable shows up as they tie it to Marvel.

Think bigger, Vin!

[fairymadnessyeah]

Remus’ Dream

Sequel to Roman’s Nightmare

Find it in AO3 too

"Really, Logan? You are a saviour, A hero. Call me if you need anything," Roman says, and is out of the door a second later.

It doesn't really surprise Remus. His twin brother would rather do anything than spend time with him. Which he could understand, he would rather die than spend more time with his twin. They already spent all their childhood together, and that had been more than enough.

Remus didn't need his plastic basic bitch of a brother to have a good time. However, he didn't want to spend it with nerdy wolverine over here. The guy, Logan was it, looked like a strict square and teacher. And no matter how hot he found that, it usually meant he was no fun at all.

"Here, one of our other roommates made these as welcome present," he says and shoves a plate of cookies on his hands.

He follows the nerd to the living room, and the two sit down on the couch in front of the Tv. He munches on the cookies like he always does, gulping them down by the handful while the other stares. Logan waits until he is done with the snack to talk again. "I believe that to be a good host; I should entertain you. What do you find entertaining?" he asks.

"I like to open up bodies with a sharp object and take out the insides," he smiles.

"I see," he hums. "Do you do a downward, horizontal cut from the pectoral area, or is it more efficient to do so below the external oblique at the side of the body?"

"I know, it's disgust- WAIT, did you ask something about it!?" he exclaims surprised. Nobody wanted to hear anything about what he said. Just because he didn't hide about the real world like his brother, Roman. He always preached about unicorns and dragons and happily ever afters. But not him. Remus knew the reality. People were made of meat tissues and squishy organs filled with blood, and they would die eventually.

But people were stupid, and they all prefered the curtain that his brother presented. Well, almost all of them.

"Yes, I wish to know more about you and your interest. I promised Roman I would keep you company. So, do you use a scalpel or some other type of sharp object to open up corpses? Of which I believe you are doing legally," Logan says.

"I-I do... I'm a forensic scientist," he answers, still shocked by Logan's reaction. "And the cutting depends on how the person died. The last time I had to open somebody top to bottom, it turned out the man had been suffocated to death by being made to swallow arcade machine coins," he explains.

"Fascinating! How do you know he was forced to ingest them, and he didn't do it by his own volition?" he asks, interested.

"There were signs of force on his skin," Remus tells him, dazed and with stars in his eyes. He is starting to love the fact that his brother left him with Logan.

The two keep on talking. They went from Remus' job, and somehow ended in a discussion over what chemical would be better for blood removal. As the time went on, Remus started shifting closer and closer to the tie-wearing man. He would get lost in the movement of his lips, and those framed blue eyes. And when he moved close enough that he could touch the other man, his hands gained a mind of their own, and wandered around the nerd, like spiders wander around the rotting corpse of a fly trapped in their web.

He had been flirting and filling the conversation with sexual innuendoes. But it seemed as they had no effect on Logan. The man was either completely clueless over Remuses advances, or uninterested and trying to be polite. Remus was now draped over the other. He had his legs over Logan's lap, his head leaned over his shoulder, and his hand playing with his tie. His voice was low and sensual, and being so close to his neck was so tempting. He just wanted to lean in closer and take a bite.

"Excuse my forwardness, but are you romantically interested in me?" Logan asks, looking down at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Maybe~," he coos, and giggles in a flirty way. "What are you going to do about it?~," he challenges, and sees something flash in his eyes.

"I'll say that I feel flattered, and that your advances are well received. I too find myself very attracted to you," Logan tells him, fixing his tie. "However, I believe we must put a temporarily stop at the moment, before things progress further," Remus opens his mouth to complain, but he is interrupted by Logan before he can get a word out. "Your brother is my roommate, and while he can be infuriating, I don't think it would do any good if he was to find us in this situation. Our house-hold harmony could be broken, and that could lead to problems. I believe our best course of action will be to wait for him and tell him that our relationship will proceed romantically one, rather than platonically," he explains.

"You don't need Roman's permission to date me!" Remus complains. "I am the only one who has the final say on who I fuck! And I think it's time we move further into the bedroom, and you further inside me~," he proposes, and changes his position to be sitting on Logan's lap. He grinds down to drive his point across.

Logan clears his throat before speaking again. "As delectable as that sounds, I must decline your proposition. The house-hold harmony must be maintained," he is about to take Remus off his lap, when the man with facial hair stops him.

"But, what if this is his plan?" he points out, making Logan stop in his tracks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, my brother is hopeless stupid romantic, and a wardrobe malfunction is not going to take him all day. He ditched us here for a reason," Logan hums, taking in what he is saying. "Maybe, he wanted to play match-maker. I'm new in town, and you are single, right?" Logan nods. "It's the perfect plan, don't you think?" he doesn't, for a second, think that Roman would do anything like that for him. But if he can convince Logan, that he might, then they might get down to  business .

"That quite the unusual plan Roman would come up with, but I can see how you might have arrived to such conclusion," he says, rubbing his chin thinking. "How do you suppose we should test this hypothesis you have created?" Remus grins get bigger.

"Well...~" he leans in closer, wrapping his arms around Logan's shoulders. "I might have an idea~," he whispers right above the other's lips, before closing the distance.

Logan both relaxes and tenses when their lips connect. His shoulders goes lax, but he holds onto Remus tighter. They don't synchronize well at first. But once they get a rhythm going, they just fit together. It's like finding the missing puzzle piece you been searching for years. Remus, who has been with his fair share of different partners, had never felt so much from just a kiss. He feels like pins and needles are stabbing him softly on his stomach. Logan's lips are hard but smooth, and he can feel how breathless he is due to the soft kiss.

When they separate to breathe, he can see pink dusting his nerd's cheeks and the dazed stare with which he looks at him. It is in that moment that Remus decides he is going to marry this man. No matter what his brother says, he is going to marry this nerd. Unluckily, his unrested body decided to cockblock him, and he let out a tired yawn.

"Are you tired?" Logan asks.

"Just a little, I been travelling since yesterday," Remus explains. "But it's nothing. We should keep going," he leans back in, but Logan stops him.

"We can continue this when you are better rested," he tells him with a soft smile, that makes Remus feel gushy inside. "Come, I will lend you my room for you to sleep," Logan takes him to the left side of the apartment, and to a blue door that had the name 'LOGAN' written neatly on the front.

"Have a good rest, Remus. I will wake you for dinner if needed," he tells him as he opens the door for him.

"Thanks, but before you go..." he wraps his arms around him, and gives him another kiss. The two get lost in each other's lips, and before he can stop him, he takes a bite out of Logan's neck, and then sucks on the skin. His nerdy wolverine is the most exquisite blood-red colour. He grins at his reaction before going inside the room.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When he wakes up, is to the sweet sounds of his twin brother in pain. He steps away from Logan's room, that smells like ink and crofters, and goes to the living room. All the roommates are there. The guy with the bakery is cooking, and the painter is looking down at his brother on the floor. Logan is putting his book back in the library and the hickey he gave him still red and proudly presented on his neck.

"So, now that he knows, can we have that D appointment?" he asks as he wraps his arms around Logan's waist. His brother lets out a pathetic wheeze, and the emo pats his head in comforts.

He's got to admit, moving here was one of the best ideas he ever had.

[tvdversefanfiction]

Forget me Not

Chapter 2 - Remember My Name

Warnings: I do not own nor do I claim to own any of the material, characters, or storylines from within the TVDverse. I am not making any profit from this, this is purely a passion project, from one to other fans who are willing to read.

15+: May contain moderate to strong language, sexual innuendos, and sexually charged scenes. Moderate to strong descriptions of violence, gore, torture, and practices of witchcraft.

F/F, F/M, M/M, GEN, + OTHER

Chapter 1 Already Gone

So, the plan, if you were wondering, to beat the hollow and reunite the Mikaelson siblings turned out to be painfully simple so painfully simple it should have been our first option but in fairness, one should never cast a spell until they have learned everything about the spell their casting, a lesson I learned many years ago.

Elijah, Klaus, Kol, and Rebekah, reunited with their eldest sibling Freya within the family compound in New Orleans, Elijah's memories now restored making all four of them ready to get rid of the hollow for good and after giving the siblings a few minutes to catch up with each other and share their stories from the past nine years in which they were all apart, the plan was ready to be put into motion.

At first, I was stricken by shock and disbelief as like their brother Elijah, neither Klaus, nor Kol, or Rebekah, seemed to remember anything about me looking at me like a stranger and not somebody who had shared his life with them, it was as if all memory of me had been taken from them or perhaps they had just lived such a long and intriguing life since we had last met that I had been entirely forgotten.

I was all but numb by their forgetfulness even though it did make me more curious that not a single memory of my existence was remembered by any of them, no one's lack of memory hurt me more than Elijah's, I could understand Rebekah and Kol not remembering me, God even Klaus, but not Elijah, not after everything he had done for me.

But I was not there to be reunited with old friends nor was I there to look back on the past, no, I was there to get rid of the hollow and then and only then could I investigate their confusing case of amnesia that seemed to only be related to me.

I had each Mikaelson bring a newbie vampire of their own making, four strangers I did not give much thought, nor did I give a damn about their fates, and I ushered the four Mikaelson's to stand in front of their creations, one by one until there was a line of Elijah, Klaus, Kol, and Rebekah, and a line consisting of the four new-born vampires, and then Freya and myself began the spell to extract the hollow from her siblings, putting into the newbie immortal beings, and then proceeded to kill the four vampires, sacrificing them to eliminate the hollow and reunite the original family.

Yes, those four strangers who I and Freya killed could have been complete innocents or they could have been worse monsters than those I was helping but I did not care, I had lived too long a life to be affected by a stranger's death or to cry about spilled blood. I am far from innocent, and I care for only a few so when that few need me, I would wipe out an entire city to help them out.

After all, humans are born to die whereas creatures like myself were born to live forever.

After the deed was done and the hollow was gone, I took myself to the nearest bar I could find so I could drown my sorrows over being forgotten by the only people in the world I thought truly knew me, the closest bar being Rousseau's.

"What can I get you?" Asked the largely too chipper bartender.

"Vodka," I answered him as I sat down at the bar. "Just leave the bottle."

"I guess it's been one of those days!" He responded as he handed me a bottle of their finest vodka. "It's been one of those days for a lot in this city my friends included but hey we almost got a decade of peace, so I guess chaos was long overdue."

"I did not come here to get to know the bartender." I snapped, making it clear he was not about to make a new friend in me.

"No, you came to help aid the Mikaelson family reunion which will more than likely kickstart another war sooner rather than later." He revealed as I realized this man clearly had an ear to the ground when it came to things that went on in his city. "What I want to know is which Mikaelson made a friend out of you my money is not on Klaus maybe Rebekah definitely not Kol."

"Who remembers?" I mumbled with a sense of bitterness as I took a drink from the bottle of vodka. "You must be one of Marcellus' minions' rumor has it he's not too happy about his beloved Rebekah running back to the family that wronged him so many times."

"You know the Mikaelsons and Marcel? I'm nobody's minion unless they get all murderous then I'm anybody's just to stay alive but I'm sure not playing in their games even if my best friend is now married to Kol." He went on to tell me. "My name is Josh and I know you're like the original heretic or whatever but what is your actual name?"

"So, your best friend must be the harvest girl turned super witch Davina Claire, I have heard of her, just like I have heard of Marcel, but I have never met either. As for the Mikaelsons, it seems they have completely forgotten me." I decided to answer him, not knowing why I was divulging any information for some undead bartender. "My name is Salem Helsing, everybody always knows about the legend of me, but they never get my name right."

"Do not tell me you are related to Van Helsing, the prince of darkness' ultimate nemesis? The guy Wolverine from X-Men played in that movie that was criminally underrated?" He questioned me with a sense of excitement, a sense that I knew all too well whenever anybody heard my last name for the first time.

"Dracula's nothing but a myth, a legend, a story, but Van Helsing, he was my father, is my father," I replied, admitting for the first time in a long time who my father was, as I took a bigger drink from my bottle of vodka.

"The Mikaelsons knew the son of Van Helsing himself and yet they do not remember you? Something tells me your memory was either replaced with something almost as awesome as the heretic son of one of the most famous hunters or some witch probably spelled the memories away." Josh said, his words making more sense than any other words I had heard in days. "Wait, so you are telling me Dracula is not real?"

"The only thing I know that my father hunts is me," I admitted to him. "In my entire existence, I have never once been forgotten, feared, loathed, and despised sure, but never forgotten…"

"And that annoys you more than anything doesn't it? Which one of the Mikaelson's were you in love with? Clearly, you're nursing a broken heart here and you would not be the first in this bar to find themselves in need of a drink after a rendezvous with that family." Josh responded all too correctly for my liking.

"You are smarter than you look, Josh," I replied while attempting to change the subject as I stood up from my chair. "Too friendly for my liking and that quality is definitely going to get you killed but I cannot deny my hope you last at least a century or two."

"So, which one?" He asked again, eager for my answer, one I was not willing to give and so instead I just walked out ready to leave this city for good and never look back but fate itself had other plans for me.

I never got far from that bar before Klaus Mikaelson vamp sped his way in front of me within the streets of New Orleans and I recall briefly hoping that at that moment he had remembered me, that they had all remembered me but of course, it was not his memory that made him seek me out but instead of his curiosity or better put paranoia.

"So, what the hell is this newfound freedom going to cost me?" Klaus asked me abruptly. "And do not say it's free because I have heard of your help, and it always comes at great cost.

"You seriously do not remember me?" I replied in complete disbelief, stunned to think he somehow knew of me yet did not remember me. "Am I the biggest fool to think that maybe just maybe our history together would be remembered even if a few centuries passed? God, I dreaded so much about seeing you again, I thought you would hate me, or I'd hate you, or that the past would just remain in the past, but I never thought for a single moment that you would not even remember me!"

"I think all those years not quite being a witch or a vampire has truly warped your mind because neither myself nor my siblings have any recollection of you, and I'd think I would remember someone like you if we had met," Klaus responded making it clear to me once and for all I had been completely forgotten. "However, crazy, or not you helped reunite me with my family and for that, I am in your debt, so name your price, I could pay for your therapy perhaps?"

"I was simply returning a favor for someone I once thought I knew and either way that favor has been returned so we are done here," I told him as I attempted to hide the hurt within my eyes, the pain on my face, and the fact that his words had just broken my non-beating heart.

"Why does this not feel like it's over?" Klaus asked me, as untrusting as he always was as if I could even answer his question when I was beginning to question everything myself.

Before I could conjure up any words for a response to the original hybrid himself, Elijah sped his way onto the street's vampire style and was now standing side by side with his brother.

"Salem Helsing!" Elijah said, surprising me with his greeting, only to surprise me further when he rushed over to hug me tightly. "I remember you now and I cannot thank you enough for what you have done for me and my family."

As if this visit to New Orleans had not surprised me enough just when I was beginning to accept the fact I was nothing to a family I once loved like my own, just when I was giving up all hope, Elijah had miraculously remembered me, and as he continued to hold me tightly in his arms, I realized I was a fool to ever think I meant nothing, at least to Elijah anyway and his arms I began to break down. I cried with such great relief that Elijah had found me again that I had found him, that we had found each other and after all these years he was back in my life, and now he had returned to me, there was no way in hell I was ever going to lose him again!

[randomisthefandom]

a list of my favorite funny shadowhunter chronicles quotes:

it’s the mortal cup jace, not the mortal toilet bowl.

“how was the seelie queen?” “same as usual.” “raging bitch, then?” “pretty much”

no, i’m a very naughty boy. i do all sorts of bad things. i kick kittens. i make rude gestures at nuns.

“what’s this?” “it’s a girl, alec. your sister isabelle is one.”

the clave has the collective intelligence of a pineapple.

i thought i’d lie on the floor and writhe in pain for awhile. it relaxes me.

that’s simon lewis, and he is my boyfriend. so if any of you think about trying to hurt him because he's a mundie or--may the angel have mercy on your soul--pursuing him romantically, i will come after you, i will hunt you down and i will crush you to powder.

i was going to watch project runway. it’s on next

never trust a duck.

nobody calls me ‘blondie’ and keeps their kneecaps.

meanwhile, i wanted to tell you that lately i’ve been cross-dressing. also, i’m sleeping with your mom. i thought you should know.

speaking of hope, did you see that shot alec got off with his bow? that’s my boyfriend.

i think she asked if she could touch my mango.

i was alive when the dead sea was just a lake that was feeling rather poorly.

usually i’m remarkably good natured. try me on a day that doesn’t end in y.

a warlock who looks like a gay sonic the hedge hog and dresses like the child catcher from chitty chitty bang bang.

hot faerie threesome. i can say i knew you when.

i’m pure at heart. it repels the dirt.

“and i don't know how to be smooth, sexy vampire simon for you, either!" “you were never that smooth, simon.”

not necessarily. i turn myself down occasionally just to keep it interesting.

it isn’t against the law to be an idiot.

first candy and flowers, then the apology letters, then the ravenous demon hoards- all in one day.

demon pox, oh demon pox. just how is it acquired? one must go down to the bad part of town until one is very tired. demon pox, oh demon pox, i had it all along—not the pox, you foolish blocks, i mean this very song— for i was right, and you were wrong!

"a...lord montgomery? you dated a member of the nobility? how am I ever going to compete with that?" "you’re lord montgomery, simon!”

“‘will. do you care more about the plan being enacted or about getting credit for it?” “that. the second one.”

i am a man and men do not consume pink beverages.

oh, i’m sorry. is there a different highway you’d like to die on? because we can arrange that.

the meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited like me.

but he hurt jules, so when we track him down, i am going to chop him up and feed him to my fish. well, i’m going to buy some. i’m going to buy goldfish and feed them blood until they acquire a taste for human flesh.

when i first arrived in london, i so quickly tired of being surrounded by so many people that it was only with great difficulty that i refrained from seizing the next unfortunate who crossed my path and committing violent acts upon their person.

i see you have decided to follow in the long herondale tradition of poor decision-making.

“so you just came here to torture me and talk about yourself?” “oh, simon, simon, simon. you may not remember, but that's kind of our thing.”

i’ve heard the word ‘fear’, i simply choose to believe it doesn’t apply to me.

“i’m trying to figure out how someone could live in a brothel for a month and not notice. you must be terribly dull-witted. if it helps at all, it seemed to be quite a high-class establishment. nicely furnished, fairly clean...” “sounds as if you've visited your fair share of brothels. making a study of them?” “more of a hobby.’”

“jesus!” “actually, it’s just me, although i’ve been told the resemblance is startling.”

nice, bah. he’s gorgeous. you should leave him here. i could hang hats on him and things.

that’s why when major bad asses greet each other in movies, they don’t say anything, they just nod. the nod means ‘I am a badass and I recognize that you, too, are a badass’, but they don’t say anything because they’re wolverine and magneto and it would mess up their vibe to explain.

i’m a werewolf not a golden retriever.

i’ll crash the wedding. i’ll jump out of the cake, but not in a sexy way. like, with grenades

did you ever think that in a past life alec was an old woman with ninety cats who was always yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off her lawn? because i do.

“have you got a spider anywhere?” “why would i have a spider? do i look like someone who would collect them?” “no offense, but you kind of do.”

unfortunately, we are all out of bitter revenge at the moment. so it’s either tea or nothing.

“i’m not gay. i’m not straight. i’m not interested.” “your sexuality is ‘not interested’?” “that’s right.”

just kissing? how quickly you dismiss our love.

you had to make a crazy jail friend didn’t you? you couldn’t just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?

just coffee. black like my soul.

magnus did not have enormous respect for the law, but if he was breaking it he wanted to look good doing it.

i don’t want to grow up, i want to be an angst ridden teenager who can’t confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead.

“magnus, you were trying to flirt with your own plate.” “i’m a very open-minded sort of fellow!” “ragnor is not. when he found out that you were feeding us guinea pigs, he hit you over the head with your plate. it broke.” “so ended our love. ah, well. It would never have worked between me and the plate anyway.”

“when will says 'enterprising', he means 'morally deficient.” “no, I mean enterprising. when i mean morally deficient, i say, ‘now that's something i would have done.’”

never believe the bad guy is dead until you see a body. that just leads to unhappiness and surprise ambushes.

“i promise to charm the dickens out of him. i shall charm him with such force that when i am done, he will be left lying limply on the ground, trying to remember his own name.” “the man's eighty-nine. he may well have the problem anyway.”

i thought: classic jace. never makes a mess when a catastrophe will do.

“that’s not the spirit of the law, emma. remember? ‘the law is hard, but it is the law’” “i thought it was ‘the law is annoying, but it is also flexible.’”

“a little girl robbed you?” “actually she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of six-fingered nigel.”

“goodness. if you keep seeing six-fingered nigel like this, he'll expect you to declare your intentions."

you told us to leave you in the desert, because you planned to start a new life as a cactus.

your pretense does not fool me, gnome. my eye will be upon you.

of course, for a badass warrior, jace is kind of prissy.

good proverb. however, like most proverbs, it sounds wise and yet does not actually clarify anything.

let me just follow up by describing what a big mistake you would be making if you broke up with alec. the lightwoods are seriously hot people. some people say the herondales used to be hot, but think about it-not only do we outnumber them, but we took their last hottie and we made him ours. obviously, we won the victory.

[inactiive-shit]

Skeptical Belief

 Fandom: Sanders Sides

Prompt: Ghost hunting

Warning: Deceit, Remus, demon-thing

Pairing: Primarily platonic Analogical; background romantic Intrulogical, Anxceit, Royality, Remile

Words: 3,715

@sanderssidescelebrations

​Note: they do talk about temperature in degrees fahrenheit. For reference, 32 degrees fahrenheit is the temperature at which water freezes and is equal to 0 degrees celsius

It was two in the morning, and Logan watched Remus spread their sleeping bags out on the dusty floor, open and layered one on top of the other. Logan would’ve complained, said that they were taking up more space than using them as they were meant to would, but it was getting increasingly cold (colder than it should have been, maybe) and if he didn’t sleep next to his space heater of a boyfriend, he might get hypothermia and die.

So spreading out the sleeping bags would do.

“If we die here, I am going to kill you,” Dee said. He was curled into Virgil’s chest, who was on the far side of Remus. The cold must be pretty awful for him. It shouldn’t have been so cold.

“No one else who came into this house has died from any sort of paranormal experience,” Logan said for the umpteenth time since they had arrived at the house. “In fact, it’s impossible to prove that anyone has ever died from the paranormal because we have yet to even prove its existence. Which is the exact reason we are here.” Logan slid under the blankets on the outer edge of their giant blanket-pillow-conga-line. The eight of them had all come with separate sleeping bags, but it was seeming more and more like preserving body heat and stealing each others’ was going to be the priority.

“Logan, do you even believe in the paranormal?” Roman demanded from across the room. He was sitting in the blankets next to Patton who was on Dee’s far side. “It doesn’t seem like a very logical thing to do.”

“Yes, Roman, obviously I believe in the paranormal, otherwise I would not be trying to prove it exists. You know, I already explained to you why we are doing this. Do you live to ignore me?”

“No,” Roman said, offense coating his voice. “I live to love Patton.” He grabbed at Patton sides to make him shriek.

“I’m just glad we’re all hanging out together,” Patton giggled, wiggling away from Roman’s fingers. “It’s been so long, and even if it is in a dirty old house, well, at least we’re all here.”

“Aw, Patton, that’s so sweet,” Emile gushed. He was on the other side of Roman. Remy was pushed to the farthest edge from Logan, and about as happy about this whole thing as a honey badger. Honestly, Logan could not have told you why they all decided to come; only two of them were invested in the investigation (Remus and Virgil), two wanted to hang out with everybody (Patton and Emile), and Dee, Roman, and Remy were actively against coming here.

Still, they’d all shown up, and now they were all part of Logan’s very first filmed investigation. He’s been wanting to do it for a while, for science. (It’s only breaking and entering if you’re not doing it for scientific purposes, it’s only bullshit if you don’t record the results.) Virgil, just as determined to catch a ghost on camera as Logan was, had brought one of his good, professional cameras for them to use. Logan was eternally grateful for his best friend’s support.

Remus was invested because, despite what the others thought, he was actually very supportive of what Logan liked. He also wanted to break and enter and provoke a spirit, but in the name of science, so did Logan. So they were pretty damn well aligned on that front.

“Patton, I thought you would be against breaking the law,” Remy said, sounding snappier than usual. Logan sometimes wondered if Remy was psychic; he had an uncanny ability to foresee how things would turn out, and he often gave random pieces of advice for no discernable reason. (He once told Logan he might save what he was working on. Logan had, simply because it was good to save your documents often. Not two minutes later his laptop crashed and lost all the progress he’d made after the save. It was totally inexplicable.)

“I mean, nobody’s lived here in a long time,” Patton said. “And the worst thing in the house is probably just some cockroaches.”

“Cockroach? Where?” demanded Remus. “I’ll take care of it.”

“There better not be any cockroaches in here,” Roman said. “I will walk right out of this house and take that van all the way back to the city. I am not waking up with bugs in my hair.” Roman shivered so dramatically it pulled the blankets off Logan. He yanked them back, goosebumps already breaking out over his skin. It was too cold in this house for October, and especially when the low for the night wasn’t even supposed to dip to thirty.

Logan jotted the information down in his notebook and then began adjusting Virgil’s camera.

“Don’t worry, Ro. I’m sure none of the bugs are going to come near us,” Patton murmured.

“Yeah,” Virgil added. “They won’t want to get too close to your snoring.” Dee snorted and Roman gasped.

“You take that back, Dark and Stormy! I do not snore!”

“Whatever lets you sleep at night,” Virgil said. “Even if you keep the rest of us awake.”

“Hey!” As the battle raged on, drawing in Remy and Emile too, Logan carefully set up whatever equipment he could reach without leaving the warmth of the blankets.

“What’re you doing with that?” Remus asked, pointing to the spirit box Logan was fiddling with.

“Making sure the calibrations are correct. It should pick up any voices that we can’t hear, assuming it all works. There is, unsurprisingly, little scientifically conducted research on the paranormal.”

“I do so love when you talk dirty to me, Lo,” Remus sighed, looking at Logan in a way that he could only describe as adoring. Logan flushed.

“If anybody is going to be talking dirty,” Dee interrupted, “it will be me and I will be talking about how disgusting our blankets are after touching this floor.” He dragged one finger across the floorboards and then held it up, gray even in the poor lighting. “Disgusting.”

“Shut up,” Virgil said. “I’m doing laundry when we get back and you know it.”

“I don’t want you to touch this muck, either.” Dee wiped his finger off on Remus’s blanket. “God, we’re all going to get infected and die.”

“Oh, it’s not that bad,” said Emile. “Plus, nothing can compare to what happened last time we went out on one of Logan’s adventures.”

“Scientific venture,” Logan corrected him, taking a sip of water before capping the bottle and placing it next to his pillow.

“Covered in cow shit,” Remy countered.

“And mud,” added Roman.

“Not to mention-”

“I thought it was fun,” said Remus. He pulled Logan to lay down on top of him. “We got to roll down a hill.”

“And got covered in literal shit,” Roman said.

“You screamed like a baby,” Remus said fondly. He rubbed Logan’s arms. “You’re freezing, Nerdy Wolverine. Are you okay?”

“It is quite cold,” Logan said. “But I assure you, I am capable of handling the cold.”

“Are you sure you’re okay, Lo?” Emile asked. It was the first time all night he’d sounded genuinely concerned. “It’s kind of stuffy over here.”

“It’s what?” Logan asked at the same time a cold draft hit his skin and a shiver wracked his body. He pulled himself up from Remus to grab the thermometer sitting a couple feet away. “Emile, what does the thermometer read?” There was a moment of silence as they shuffled around to reach it.

“It’s about sixty-five,” Remy said.

“I swear it feels hotter than that,” Emile added. “Let me see that.”

“That’s insane,” Logan whispered. He tapped on his thermometer a few times as though it were a broken remote. Then he began writing in notebook again.

“What is it, L?” Virgil asked, propping himself up on an elbow.

“This thermometer says thirty-five,” Logan said. “There is no way it should be that much hotter less than twenty feet away in an enclosed room. This is-this is impossible.” Remus took the thermometer out of Logan’s hand and took a look.

“Now it says forty,” he said. Logan spun to see, wrote more down.

“Pass it to Virgil,” Logan ordered, not looking up. “Emile, pass that one this way.” The thermometers made their way across the room, getting readings from each person as they went. Thirty-five at Logan, forty at Remus, forty-five with Virgil, all the way down to sixty five where Remy was. It was not possible to have so much variation in such a small area. There weren’t even any warm air currents due to the chill outside and the heating hadn’t working in almost two decades.

“I need to look at the heating and cooling units,” Logan muttered. “The electricity, possible drafts. With a stretch of logic, this could maybe not be paranormal, but it would take so many factors to line up that it is almost entirely unprobable.” He looked up from his notebook, felt the smile on his face that he couldn’t stop. “This could be real, scientific data of an anomaly at least, if not something supernatural.”

“Do it in the morning,” Patton said. “It’s already late, you don’t need to stay up any longer, kiddo.”

“But something could have changed by the morning. For accurate, scientific data, I need to do it now.”

“Nope,” Remus said, wrapping his arms around Logan and rolling him to the inside of their blankets. “We already stayed up all night last night-”

“Ew. I did not need to know that,” said Roman, gagging.

“-and I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep without my teddy bear.” Remus squeezed Logan and Logan was engulfed in his warmth. “You’re not allowed to get up.”

“Remus,” he protested.

“Nope. Nighty-night.” Remus laid on top of him.

“Night, everybody,” Patton added. “Sweet dreams.”

“You can’t control your dreams. Unless you’re a lucid dreamer, and that’s pretty rare, but anyway,” Emile said, curling into Remy, “I hope it’s a refreshing sleep.” Agreeances of either sentiment were echoing through the room, and then the lights were dimmed and they were all trying to sleep.

Everyone except for Logan and Virgil who had come here to catch a ghost, goddamnit. They were going to stay up even if it involved lying about it. So Logan began doing complicated math in his head, hoping that would keep him awake until he could get to his water bottle for his energy drinks. A full night’s sleep could come later; they had a mission.

About thirty minutes later, Logan carefully sat up and shifted to look at some of his equipment. It was a couple degrees colder, but nothing else of note had happened. Logan reached over and poked Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil stayed still just long enough to make Logan think he’d fallen asleep, and then he slowly started moving.

“You were making me doubt your dedication,” Logan whispered. Virgil shushed him and gently pulled Dee off his chest. As soon as Virgil moved out of the way, Remus and Dee rolled into each other, which conveniently created just enough space for the pair to sit on the outside of their blanket train.

“Dee’s a light sleeper, I had to be sure he was out,” Virgil said. “He’d definitely kill me for staying up again.”

“Well, he can complain about it tomorrow once we have a spirit on film and evidence to back it up.” Logan reached for his water bottle. “What do you-uhm.” He couldn’t find his drink. Logan looked toward his pillow where he’d put in, but there was nothing there. “V, my drink is gone.”

“Where’d you put it?”

“Right there.” Logan motioned. “Did you move it?” he asked, staring at the spot. Virgil sighed.

“Why would I?” he whispered, not nearly as bothered as Logan by the bottle’s disappearance. Then again, it wasn’t Virgil’s bottle. “Remus probably did, though. That’s the exact kind of thing he’d do to undermine the integrity of the investigation.”

“I do not appreciate you quoting me at me out of context about my own boyfriend,” Logan said, “though it is nice to know you listen.” He searched the room with his eyes. “You don’t see it anywhere, do you? I need to know where it went.”

“Uh,” Virgil muttered, searching now too. “There. By the T.V. stand.” He squinted, a little more concerned. “You should probably ask Remus if he moved it.” Logan shoved Remus’s shoulder just enough that he would answer. There was a fine line between coherent and able-to-remember.

“Um, Remus, did you move my drink?” Logan asked, eyes fixed on the bottle.

“No,” Remus mumbled, mostly asleep and definitely not in any state to be moving things without alerting Logan. He pulled Dee a little closer.

“Huh,” Logan said, and pointed the camera at the bottle. He shared an excited glance with Virgil. Carefully, he removed himself from the sleeping pile and crept across the room. He could voice over this part later. For now it would be better to catch anything happening around him with the night vision on the camera, and try not to wake the others for what could be nothing.

“Logan, get back here,” Virgil hissed. “You don’t know how that got over there.”

“There’s only one way to find out,” Logan retorted, picking up the bottle. He inspected it closely and, to his bewilderment, found an ashy handprint. “Look at this.” He presented the bottle to the camera before passing it to Virgil. A shiver worked through Logan’s body and it was hard to say whether it was from fear, anticipation, or the cold.

“What the fuck?” Virgil whispered. “L, what the fuck?”

“It’s proof,” Logan said, voice shaking. “It’s-” A creak sounded from the next floor up, like someone stepping on the old floorboards. He froze, looked at Virgil.

“We’re investigating that,” Virgil said.

“Don’t forget the camera,” Logan said. They pulled on their boots and Logan grabbed the spirit box and thermometer. Virgil lifted the camera and nodded at him. Taking the lead, Logan set off for the stairs. They ascended silently, listening for any other errant noises. At the top, another creak sounded. They froze, watching intently. Virgil nudged Logan’s arms and mimed talking.

“Hello? Is anybody there?” Logan asked. They waited with bated breath for an answer, but none was forthcoming. “Let’s just keep going, see what’s up here that we could’ve missed earlier,” he muttered to the camera. They went forward at a snail’s pace, hoping for anything to happen.

And then a door swung open with a terrifying creak.

“Need some oil on them hinges,” Virgil said, voice higher than it normally was. Logan gulped, staring.

“We’re going in, right?” he asked.

“Definitely,” Virgil said. He had a white-knuckled grip on his camera, and Logan shivered. He glanced at the thermometer: twenty-eight. Shit.

“It’s getting colder,” he said, inching closer to the door. Virgil snorted.

“I had no idea.” Logan heard his teeth chatter together, and then he shoved the door the rest of the way open. It whined the whole way, longer than even the squeakiest of hinges usually made noise, and then the door stopped. The room was empty save for two dark shoe prints. It looked like the same thing that had been on Logan’s water bottle.

He took a step closer. Virgil grabbed his arm like a vice. “Did anyone ever die in a fire here?”

“Henry Smith,” Logan said on autopilot. “1899. The entire house was destroyed. They rebuilt this one decades later, but the original was in this exact spot.”

“Okay. Okay,” Virgil said. He released Logan’s arm. “This is probably Henry Smith, then. Let’s do this.” Logan watched as Virgil steadied his shaking hands and then took one step into the room. Virgil followed.

“Come in,” said a disembodied voice, just low enough to send shivers down Logan’s spine and settle a feeling of wrong in his chest. His breath was knocked from his lungs and puffed in front of his face, visible.

“Oh, shit,” Virgil whispered. The shadows moved in a sort of humanoid shape, reaching out for them. “Oh, shit!” Virgil yelled at the same time Logan shouted, “Fuck!” They both were pulled out of the room by their shirts. Remy was standing there, madder than Logan had ever seen him.

“Run,” he snapped and raced for the steps. Virgil was on his tail, Logan half a step behind. There was a fourth pair of footsteps behind them, too close for comfort. Logan thought he could feel a hand ghost over hair, what the fuck.

They clambered down the steps in a frenzy, not making any effort to be quiet, Virgil and Logan screaming. They hit the landing and launched themselves for the front door, at which point Virgil stopped, door held open.

“The others,” he gasped.

“We’ll get them,” Logan snapped, shoving the equipment into Virgil’s hands. “Get these outside before they get broken.” Virgil didn’t hesitate. Logan and Remy dived back for the living room, and Logan was glad to see they were all awake already.

“Lo? Is everything okay?” Remus asked. Logan grabbed his water bottle and Remus’s shoes.

“Who was screaming?” Patton yawned.

“We pissed something off, we need to leave. Now.” Logan pulled Remus up and then Dee. “Move, move. Come on, hurry up.” A dark laugh echoed down the stairs. Patton squeaked, and then everyone threw themselves into overdrive. They managed to get out the door in less than a minute. All the blankets were still in the house, but Logan was not half as concerned about the blankets as he was the evidence Virgil was cradling.

“Let me see what we got, let me see,” he muttered. Virgil was already playing the camera back.

“What just happened?” Emile asked, hands shaking ever so slightly. Logan motioned him over to see the small screen of the camera. They all crowded and watched as Logan crept up to the water bottle, watched Virgil and Logan both freeze, their mouths move.

“Where’s the sound?”

“I don’t know,” said Virgil frantically. He fiddled with the settings, smacked the camera gently against his hand a few times, but nothing happened. “That’s not right.”

“It’s-it’s fine. You’ve still got the spirit box, right?” Logan asked. Virgil nodded. They focused back on the screen, watched as Logan went up the stairs, watched as they both stopped moving again. They watched as the door opened by itself.

“Holy shit,” Roman whispered. They got closer to the door, watched as Logan almost stepped in, watched as Virgil stopped him. They watched as, in the room behind Logan, shadows moved along the floor, far too purposeful for comfort.

“I didn’t even see that,” said Virgil, sounding sick. Logan felt a hysterical giggle rise and swallowed it. He kept watching as they went into the room, as the shadows really started moving then, slithering toward them. He watched as they both stumbled out backward, watched as a face with red eyes and sharp teeth and a bone-chilling smile flashed in the darkness. Then they watched as the film corrupted and the file disappeared from the camera.

“What the fuck?” Virgil said numbly, looking at the camera. He clicked through his memory card. Everything was gone. “What the fuck?” He glanced at Logan.

“The spirit box,” Logan said, lurching for Virgil’s pocket. “The spirit box.” He pulled it out and rewound it to when the creak came from the second floor. It was all there, if staticky, up until Virgil said, “Okay. Okay. This is probably Henry Smith, then. Let’s do this.” The squeal it emitted then was so loud and unexpected that Logan dropped the spirit box - and watched it shatter on the concrete. It almost felt like it had been smacked out of his hand.

“I don’t understand half of what just happened,” Roman said slowly. “What did just happen?”

“How did you know where we were?” Virgil asked Remy, totally ignoring Roman. “Or that we were about to die.”

“You think I was dumb enough to go to sleep with you two idiots in the same place? No, ma’am. I learned my lesson with you two. Can’t trust y’all to go to the grocery store without almost dyin’.” Remy’s southern accent was rearing its head. Logan wanted to be offended, but Remy wasn’t wrong. Still, that didn’t negate that he was acting funny-like he was lying. “Now y’all better get in that damn car. We’re leavin’.” He stomped to the car and yanked the driver’s door open. Emile slid into the passenger seat. Logan collected the shards of his spirit box, useless as it was now, and climbed into the van. Remus settled in next to him, wrapping his arms around Logan.

“You’re freezing,” he muttered. His mustache tickled Logan’s face. “Are you okay?”

“We got actually evidence of a ghost, real video of things that happened, and it’s all gone,” Logan said. “I am the opposite of okay.”

“I know, Lolo,” Remus said. He pulled them a centimeter closer together. Any more and Logan would be sitting on Remus’s lap. “But at least you have your water bottle, right?” Logan startled, examined the water bottle he was, in fact, holding. It still had what looked like an ash handprint on it.

“I-yes, at least I have that.” Logan smiled. “Thank you, Remus.”

“Anytime,” Remus said, kissing Logan. The van started and Logan glanced out the window just in time to see that terrifying face leering at them from the second floor. He made panicked eye-contact with Virgil in the mirror.

“We’re coming back, right?” Virgil whispered in Logan’s ear from the seat behind him.

“Obviously,” Logan whispered back. Remus smiled dreamily.

“I can’t wait until we all die together,” he said. Logan snorted and leaned into him.

“At least it will be together,” Virgil whispered.

“Yes, at least there’s that.” Logan finally fell asleep for the first time in two days on the drive back into the city. It was almost morning, and none of them would be doing anything before noon, but Logan could sleep now and maybe when he woke, he’d find a new way to catch a ghost. It was just a matter of belief.

[bilgisticallykosher]

Reminder that I’m totally down to give specific warnings or descriptions or help people navigate through the video if anyone needs.

Warnings (aside from the obvious): Long post, lots of caps lock, long rambling with a large degree of incoherence. I titled this “me screaming at the new video” in docs. I was real accurate.  It took me over 2 hours to watch this thing because I kept pausing to not shut up. This is 5 pages in docs.

Okay, JUST looking at the cover, I-  are those tentacles? IS this a new side? Octoside? I can already hear all the names were going to give him. Oliver, Octavio, October wait no that’s already a Sanders shorts. Okay, intrusive thoughts, that's… Roman’s already a supplier of those. Fandom agrees, “Don’t think about your naked Aunt Patty.” So, maybe Depression? Anger? Or, is it Roman still, after all? Because I see the word Creativity there. Or tentaclereativity. So it’s still Roman, but I’m convinced that his opposite is Virgil, although I’m also sure that they implied Pride in the Halloween episode. Something about “proud of it” and then they said “let’s table that discussion for another time.”

Ugh, Roman’s been doing so wonderful on his own. He’s just been owning up to insecurities, and it’s been great. This is going to be highly related to him. Although, Patton looks like the one trying to block him out? Roman’s concerned, Logan’s miffed, Virgil is angry, and oh my god is that a MOUSTACHE OKAY I’M WATCHING. 

Content warning, oh my gosh, they were not kidding. Does that seriously say death and blood and gore? I’m just getting more hype. I mean, intrusive thoughts, I’m sure nothing will permanently, physically happen to them.  (Goodbye Fresh.) 

Dark circles under Thomas’s eyes, implication of sleep deprivation, or something with Virgil?

“The human connection will make me feel more like a person,” I came here to have a good time and honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now. Credits! Great job everyone! I know everyone worked real hard on this. 

Okay, Thomas in his robe, very reminiscent of Excepting Anxiety. Blasé attitude, too. Hmm, trouble sleeping (tires), overstating ‘everything going wrong,’ definitely seems like Virgil’s territory. 

Woah there he is. He’s, he’s really angry? And Patton’s voice is strained. What is happening, does Patton know……whatever, or WHOever? Yeah, he’s shifty eyed. He knows. Virgil definitely knows, and it’s not him. Oh man oh man. Oh, confirmed, they’re in on trying to avoid the conversation. GREAT TEAM WORK, PAT! Doing great, buddy. 

Roman’s rhymes are amazing. Definitely misery, though. Alright, so Thomas is having thoughts that make Virgil act up, and either he’s telling Patton, or Patton knows because of emotions. 

Roman’s so much better at summoning than Logan. And Logan knows?! Ooh, sore spot for them here. Patton oh noooo. That’s easy for you to say? 

I love the idea that, 1, Logan Falsehood’d as a reaction and an example on purpose, and 2, that he’s got a limit of one per day. 

ALRIGHT! I’ve got it. They don’t want Roman to know because he’s going to, intentionally or not, expand on whatever the thoughts are. He’s Creativity and dreams, it’s what he does and he’s not going to be able to help it, intrusive thoughts, this IS Roman-centric! Poor boy. (Kraken, sushi. Those tentacles mean something. Also the tentacle represents the C, I understand the title image now.) Yeah, they don’t want him inadvertently going into daydream mode. 

I have never seen this movie. These are freaking top-notch jokes, though. WOAH, THOMAS. Not good. Really not good. I’m still hype. Oh, is that the sort of death mention that

Television: [has hands]

Me: [strangled squeaking noise] 

Okay, I’m having, okay. Okay. Okay. I’m fine. I just. I need. Okay. I’m fine. Need a moment. Freaking out, in, a good way? I just. Really unexpected, even though I saw the hands. Oh my gosh. Can the others see him????? Because they’re looking at Roman they should see him. I didn’t know I could make that noise, but apparently I can. And I can hold it. And make it slowly go higher pitched. Okay. Okay. I’m fine now. Maybe. Okay. Hypening.

OH THEY CAN okay, oh dissonant voice. What sort of overdramatic staff is this dork NO ROMAN. 

THE DUKE?! WHAT!!! Getting heavy Warfstache vibes, btw, and why does he have a grey streak? Virgil and Logan are unconcerned about Roman, so I guess he’s fine. 

Is this a song? What is his outfit, omg. His mustache is fabulous. His eyes are kinda ringed.  in purple? 

What is happening, oh my god. Oh here’s the religious commentary, I guess. This is fine, I’m okay with this. But he’s playing Adam AND Eve himself. Dramatic dork confirmed. Oooh, you lack imagination. He IS Roman’s opposite, dang. I was so sure it was Virgil. Also YES green’s my favorite color! 

Hahaaaa! Tiny little aunt Patty naked post-it! Patton’s so distressed, Virgil ANGERY. A to Z is incredible. I missed some lyrics there; I’ll catch it when I watch it with captions the next five times. I mean, uh, no, I’d never… ten times. Nice blood spatter! What is he doing to them! What’s with the size thing? Is that a thing he can do? Or creative (heh) liberty due to song? 

SNAKE how’d I not guess that from Adam and Chava SNAKE IT’S SNAKE!

I don’t get the hand image. What is that? So far kind of the same sort of vibe from Deceit and Duke- oooh, both Ds. The whole, own up to who you are, stop lying to yourself. 

“You’ve got a fiend in me!” “Squeak!”

Oh, oh no, he’s really not quite like Deceit. He’s saying that these things make Thomas evil. Definitely not a Deceit thing to do. 

EDITING PRAISE! YOU GUYS. You guys are incredible, you did such a good job. 

“I’m your Creativity!” Officially calling those things fart trumpets. 

Oh, is he actually Creativity? Okay I’ll roll with it. Oh my gosh it’s only ten minutes into it and I can’t shut up. Virgil is so uncomfortable. 

Never bring [Jeffery Dahmer] up again got a GREAT face from Duke. Oh man. Is that true about him trying to repress those thoughts?

WHITE BEAR that episode of Black Mirror might make more sense now. 

Impressive hair blowing from Virgil, that’s the hair blowing equivalent of what Dr. Horrible did with his fingers in Brand New Day. 

Patton called Roman handsome, and I knew that second most handsome prince bit in the last episode was something he’d say, not just him trying to be all lawyer-y! (Ooh, foreboding music…)

Honestly, Logan was, if anything, even more chill about lying in CLBG, and Deceit in general (his scales are quite smooth). By comparison, he’s going off on the Duke. OOH, I KNEW THAT ABOUT THE WORD DORK! 

Ohhh my gosh the costumes are opposites! I, almost realized that, about color theory, and then forgot about the sash. And those shoulder pads are massive, Duke! Did you steal Roman’s puppet chin to make those? 

Joan! Haha, I love it, definitely something they would do. Interesting, you can hear an overlay of Joan’s voice, and Duke’s voice. Why can’t the Duke do it as well as anyone else? What did Virgil realize during the twin explanation? Hey, Cayin and Hevel, more Genesis. 

Did he mention friends and family? Oh my gosh, self-immolation is terrible, I looked it up. Like, uh, suicide for a public purpose, or to make a point? 

Laugh! Dork laugh! There’s the implication of them knowing each other. 

Oh, okay, okay. So, Virgil’s anxious, because in and of itself, whatever it was that he was thinking/obsessing over was bad. His anxiety is, well, cognitive distortions. That’s why everyone’s all bothered. Yeah, point to Logan on that oh my god, what is that camera angle, I love it.

Duke is JP confirmed. Ripped off nipples. JP from Wade’s (lordminion777) circle of friends, salty boys. That’s still their official name, right? Anyway, he’s JP.

Oh, I saw dripping off of that hand. That sequence is getting longer every time. 

Who are those, I don’t recognize them? “I’m about to smash the Hulk” you guys I think I love the Duke a little bit a lot. 

Patton, no, that’s- Patton! “That’s what repression is?” Ooh, tense Virgil moment with Logan. Yet, also touching? 

“Well THAT can’t be where the bar is.” !!!

Weird Duke blink during religion talk. It’s so funny looking at this though a Jewish perspective. It’s similar, but just a little off. And we don’t do the 7 deadly sins thing. 

Figuratively! 

Wait it’s coming from Virgil?! Uh, uh, anxious about being a bad person, subconsciously projecting it onto Thomas?

Patton too?! Oh, wait, yeah, this comes back to repression that makes sense. Oh my gosh, Logan. ! Can the Duke do the Deceit silence thing oh no, no he can’t. Close. Teeth are an improvement I think. 

Hey isn’t there an incorrect quote about Virgil drinking shampoo? 

Remus?! Oh my gosh are you KIDDING me? A new side, PLUS his name? Oh, oh that’s so clever, Roman. Rome was founded by Romulus and Remus. So clever! And definitely butt trumpets, from earlier, because AVPM’s Lupin had butt trumpets. 

Oh, direct shot and reaction at Virgil not hiding anything. And okay, I’ve changed my mind like 10 times, but I think I get it now. Haha, Logan! It was like a pop quiz! And Thomas cursed!

The scream darkened the room, that was awesome. But nobody cared. Ah, secretly a Patton and Virgil arc! 

Oh my god, Patton had a look of realization when Virgil was listing off things, is he going to tell him to not skip the callback?!

[Sad poopy noises.] Logan’s on fire today! Yes! 

Oh, he’s gone? Ha, nope! Oh it got worse, haha!

Patton, control, it’s happening! Oh, wait no. 

Virgil really used to fear him? And, oh, what were those exchanged looks during “just like old times”? Logan and Patton, and maybe Roman figured it out? Does Virgil know that? 

Roman! 

Nerdy Wolverine. Ahh, cool! Dukey problem! Oooh return of “I don’t like him.”

What, brother?! So that’s an actual thing now? But okay, alright, I guess Logan’s thing from before. NOPE EVERYTHING’S FINE NEVER COMING BACK. Romaaaaan.

Dark sides? “Others.” Oh, Thomas for sure doesn’t know. Oh dear. OH MUSIC it’s swelling oh my gosh, he’s going to tell, he’s going to tell.  Gasp! He told, and oh, so sad, and oh no he’s just sinking out?! My poor baby little precious oh I immediately see why Patton had a problem with coddling him.

Oh, oh Thomas is so confuddled. There’s going to be so many angst fics. I will read them all. 

Alright, actually a hilarious ad.  Way to incorporate intrusive thoughts into it! END CARD holy- REMUS! Oh the deodorant. And again. Nice knife, he’s going to- yep, deodorant. Oh he’s done, but he’ll have another- yep. What the heck is it, actually? 

THERE’S A SNAKE IN MY BUTT! PFF that’s going to be some fics also. Officially: I love Remus. 

Final thoughts; I’m in love, I was so wrong about “they wouldn’t throw a new side or plot relevance at us with all these warnings,” everyone freaking outdid themselves, this must have happened so soon after Selfishness vs. Selflessness, I love him, I really dug a lot of that humor, my taste in music is way worse than anything Remus threw at us (ask me about that), WHAT WERE THE THOUGHTS with the dripping hand bit, S v. S part 2 is definitely the next one, and I freaking love this video. 

[finderskeepersff]

65.

I have been contemplating this for a while now, I am not sure what to do “you been staring at your computer screen for a while now, what you looking at?” blowing the smoke out from my lips as Fabian placed more money on the banknote counter “it’s literally Christmas in three days and I ain’t got Sofia shit, I think maybe I could just take her away? I mean like a few days, just in America, memories kind of shit?” I shrugged, placing the blunt between my lips, Fabian laughed “kind of shit, you should be confident on these things. Your woman, she seems, romantic I would say” watching the money being counted “you think?” I laughed blowing the smoke out “I know, she is very emotional. Emotional women they are romantic. I come from the city of love and I think you should do France?” I snorted laughing “I don’t want to leave the country at all, I think I want to keep it here. Something cute” Fabian chuckled “you have learning to do about love Cassius, it’s there” the door opened “woah” putting my legs down from the table “knock Sofia” putting my blunt out “well you didn’t say not to knock? I just wanted to ask if you want some food?” Sofia eyed up the money “where did this come from?” she pointed at the money “something I did, it’s fine. I don’t want food” waving her off “just go, please” I smiled at her “shouldn’t you eat? Cassius you need to eat” why won’t she just go “I am fine” Sofia scoffed walking out of my office “very emotional lady boss, you need to do something big” I laughed nervously, this is just great “I know she is, I think going away somewhere in America will be fine. Just me, Cartier and Sofia. She will be fine” Fabian keeps laughing at me.

I laughed after calculating the money “so you give everything people need, the people need paying and then you keep the rest for your family” passing Fabian the duffle bag “Merry Christmas too, thank you for staying behind” he took the duffle bag from me “we still making money boss, just more of it” nodding my head “I know but we going to get these niggas that hit at me when I was down, I mean we made what hundred stacks. That is off one take over in Atlanta and this is done by me, nobody else. This stays between me, you and the people that was there that day. I don’t want Sofia knowing of any of this” Fabian nodded his head “I was shocked you did it yourself, you are too high for that now” I chuckled “sometimes you need to do shit yourself because people ain’t there for you. Weak, these new niggas are weak, they may have taken my shit then but now, nah. I mean I hit in daylight? How weak can you be, how did I find their shit so quick. I mean I should thank them for making the money for me but thanks. Next year, it will be a good year for us. Have a safe fight to France and see you next year” walking around Fabian, I decided not to plan. I found their place and hit it myself. Got a few niggas and did it myself, I don’t need planning or people that just waste my time. Killed them and took their money, it was daylight too, dumb ass new niggas.

My hair is growing back, I am like wolverine, my hair grows back so quick. This is why when Sofia was tripping I didn’t get it, touching the top of my head with my hand. It’s getting there, turning away from the mirror to get some clothes on. I need a shower after that, I did this all without Sofia knowing. I didn’t need the drama, I didn’t need the planning. I knew what I was doing, they hit my warehouse lazy, I knew them niggas would be just that, lazy. They are fucking dumb, did the shit myself and it’s over with. I need to get my shit back, everything that I own, I want back. I think I will find it difficult when I need to go Brooklyn, my phone started ringing in my hand “speak” I didn’t bother to look at the name “Boss, what you wanting to do about your mom, she out here speaking on you to your dealers. She out here asking where you at” kissing my teeth “she is making herself weak on purpose, I know that woman. You watching her now?” I fucking hate my mother “pay some unknown niggas, tell them to beat my dad up. And that will shut her mouth up” shaking my head “also Kalia is calling me later, she want to speak to you” of course she does “yeah, just three way or some shit. Speak soon” disconnecting the call, I sighed out heavily. Am I bad person, I would kill my dad but my mom I couldn’t but I would kill my dad to show my mom pain, she don’t know pain, she needs to feel it. The bitch knows where I am.

Sofia is cooking something nice but I know she is upset with me about saying no to food and then telling her to knock “it’s the boy! Hey son!” seeing Cartier in his high chair “you waiting for your food huh?” he grinned at me “my little goof, your momma locked you in this” pressing a kiss to his forehead, he tried grab my face but I moved back “how is bub? Are you ok?” she is not speaking to me, walking up behind her “knock Cassius” she repeated my words “I was smoking and you are pregnant, I was thinking of you baby. You are pregnant” touching her bump “I am pregnant Cassius” she mumbled “come on Sofia” I smiled at her “but you was annoyed with me” poking my lips out “I was not annoyed with you, I was just thinking of you and the baby, you know I love you” kissing her cheek “I love you too” Sofia turned her face to me, pecking her lips “I will take Cartier with me, smells nice by the way” Cartier is just staring at me “we going boy, we going to go and watch some basketball” unbuckling him out of the chair “I can’t wait for you to start walking, as soon as you start walking, Basketball camp for you” picking him out.

Sofia and I eventually did the tree, I mean it was something we argued about a lot because I didn’t want an angel at the top, I got my way though. It was fun to do, it’s nice to actually do the tree up together and I am sat here looking at my tree. I am home, I have my son “hey! Watch it” I pointed at the TV “you need to see the TV, you got to watch basketball” I need to go and see a game again, even though Brooklyn Nets ain’t doing well but that’s my home, I ain’t about to change teams “he cute” hearing Sofia say behind me, looking at her “right?” mean mugging her “right” she smirked “why you playing again? Like you know I am the cute one” Sofia laughed “sure, just want you to know that tomorrow you and I are going to shopping for Cartier’ gifts. This is all your fault that we are rushing things” I hate shopping, I scoffed “sure, we can do that. My boy first Christmas so we doing it big for him” Sofia touched the back of my head “food will be done soon, I knew you was hungry” I only got hungry when I smelt the food.

Cartier is fighting Sofia today in regards to feeding him, I can’t help but laugh. He wants to do it but Sofia is like no and Cartier is like yes and keeps screaming at Sofia “laugh all you want” Sofia mumbled “I am not laughing at you” I chuckled “it’s just funny how he is arguing with you” Cartier yelped out “Son!” I spat, Cartier’ face dropped and looked at me “he going to check you next” Sofia said moving out of his way to look at me “you be nice to your momma, you stop talking back to her” Cartier is not taking my shit, he looked at Sofia “dada not happy with you” he slapped his tray and sat back, that kid is hype “I need to speak to you actually” I near choked on my drink “what?” I said putting my drink down “I just need to speak you on something, why you acting like you done something?” Sofia glared at me “I ain’t say I have, I just choked on my drink” I shrugged “mhmmm, I am watching you Cassius but let me feed him, then we can talk” I hope to god it’s nothing about what I did, or she has heard me speaking about doing the hit. She won’t be happy with me, I hope it ain’t something serious.

This shit seems so serious, like she has put Cassius in his play pen so he can’t crawl away and hurt himself. She sat across from me slowly “I got a backache” Sofia groaned out as she sat down “the curry is nice” I said changing the subject “thank you” Sofia smiled at me “anything to make you happy” she touched my cheek “so, babe” she laughed a little. Placing my fork down as I chewed the last of my food in my mouth “I am happy your hair is growing” touching my pocket “oh yeah” grabbing the stack from my pocket “this is for you” placing the stack on the table “what, why?” Sofia said all confused, she ain’t used to that “for you, go and spoil yourself. It’s clean money” I winked at her “but why?” she questioned again “no reason about it, just spoil yourself. Buy what you want, some new heels” Sofia smiled a little “oh, I don’t know what to say, thank you” she grabbed the stack “anything for you princess” I sniggered, she is so cute. She seems so taken back by it “I really appreciate it, this is not my Christmas gift is it?” shaking my head “no, just looking after you” she let out an oh “thank you baby” just to see her smile, she don’t know her baby done well today “so what is up?” I threw her off there.

My baby look so happy “so yes, well you know that time I told you about my mom texting me and I assumed it was Leyton? Well she texts me every day, I had enough and I replied. I said what do you want me from me? Is it money to look after Leyton? And she said no, I just want to know you, I want to see you and my grandchild. I goes Cassius question mark, she text me back it’s hard. And I goes then stop texting me. She text me today again, she said sorry. She goes if he is making you happy then I am happy, she wants too” Sofia put her head down “to what?” I think I know “to go Barbados” she mumbled “right, and you wouldn’t tell me this unless you was considering in going?” shaking my head, shifting up in the seat “baby, I ain’t ever held you away from your family. I did because she hurt you, she did a lot to you. Why?” I questioned “it’s just not her I want to see, I want to see my grandparents. But I just feel like, I don’t know. Maybe I am being stupid but maybe she is different. She has been in Barbados for so long and maybe it is better there, Leyton is happy. He wouldn’t be happy if she was being bad, this way I can actually you know say to her why” rubbing my chin “you can go” I won’t be going “me?” she pointed at herself “yeah” Sofia squinted her eyes at me “Cartier?” she mentioned “he can stay with me” Sofia looked at me dumbfounded, like she didn’t think I would say that “they want to see him Cassius and you” shaking my head “no” I said as continued to shake my head, my phone started ringing “I got to take this” getting up from the seat, that will be Kalia.

Closing my office door “hello” placing my phone against my ear “she on bro” Ethan said “Kalia” sitting on my chair in my office “I just got some information for you, so they want to get at your mom. They have arrested already, this was last week. They have tried to use her to make her go against you. They know she is weak, they have realised you don’t fuck with her anymore. I don’t know what was said in the interview but I don’t think she is complying, but they are seeing a weak spot. If your mom is weak she will break” that doesn’t shock me “she ain’t weak, trust me. Kalia, I will be meeting you the first week of January. That shipment will also arrive and you’re going to make sure it arrives ok? Also, keep bringing in anything you know” she told me, I can’t fault her “see you then” Kalia said “bye” Ethan said “ok she gone, I got some young niggas to beat your dad up. That is done” nodding my head “good, Ethan. Shit will be good, trust me. Bye” disconnecting the call.

Picking the remote from the couch as I sat down “I know you want to start again, so proceed” I muted the TV and turned to her, I am not dumb she is waiting to say more “you need to stop being stupid, I get that my mom has been many things. I know I lived through it. I just think it’s different now but I want to go and see my grandparents mostly. They really want to see Cartier and me, I miss them” licking my top lip “when?” she seems very prepared for this “January, beginning” I had to laugh, I laughed because it’s the same timing as Brooklyn “you know what, go. Take him with you” I can’t even look after him either “you’re saying it like you don’t care, take him? And you? You’re coming with me Cassius, I need you there with me. You can’t let me go alone” it’s like god makes shit difficult, I clasped my hands together “Sofia” I sighed “I am going Brooklyn then, you go and do your thing and I will be there. I have to go there, I can’t just not go. I need to deal with my people there. So go” she will be entertained there “so you think I will go there knowing you’re not going and you’re going Brooklyn to do bad stuff” blinking at Sofia like she dumb as fuck “you know what I am doing there, you know it. You know I am going there to sort my fucking business out, I am not going there to make up with my family. We all don’t have Disney endings” Sofia’ mouth fell open “wow, you’re being a dick. I am going to go and clean” she can go and do that, it’s whatever.

Stepping back from the wall, I have never seen my wall so filled with money. I mean I have seen more money than this but for this home to have this money in the wall, amazing. I ain’t got warehouse to hide this shit so I have to hide it in this home but it looks nice “what did you do?” Sofia said behind me “took what is mine” pressing the button on the remote to close it “I heard on the news there was a gang shooting in the morning, you was missing this morning” I chuckled “don’t laugh Cassius, that was you” I shrugged “anyways, I am sorry for upsetting you or however I spoke to you. But when it comes to work then it needs to be done. I can’t trust people with shit” turning to Sofia “Kyle is sorry” I kissed my teeth “Kyle is dead to me, you don’t understand how hurt I am. Nobody does, that’s my nigga. But yet he acted a whole fool, and I don’t want to know. I am going Brooklyn then” Sofia crossed her arms “do I have a say in it?” I shook my head “if” Sofia gripped my shirt “if I let you go, no arguments. I wait here for you, can you come with me? I need you with me Cassius. I am going there, I want to go there with you and show you my roots. My family, my real family” staring down at Sofia “please” with what she has done for me “yes” it was a reluctant yes, Sofia smiled “thank you” I feel bad now “I ain’t mean to be rude to you, you know I would do anything for you. And if this is what you want then I will do it for you” Sofia hugged my body “also Jasmine and Josiah are coming for Christmas, Merry Christmas Cassius” my face dropped.

[xavierfiles-blog]

How Did The Return Of Wolverine Get This Messed Up?

If you hadn’t heard, Wolverine is back. You know Wolverine, knives in his hands, can’t die, drinks beer, and says bub. He suffered from a bad case of getting covered in molten metal while his healing factor was down, but now he is roaming around like nobodies business. The problem is, we are over a year into Wolverine being alive and I have no idea what in the world is going on.

It doesn’t help that there is a seemingly conflicting narrative going on here. When Logan first returned in MAVEL LEGACY #1 there was some excitement. He was driving a beer truck, beating up frost giants, and chilling with an Infinity Stone. His metal tomb had been broken and he was set free. As far as teasers go, it was a pretty good one. It left the obvious question of “how is he alive”, while adding in ones like “how does he have an Infinity Stone”. It may not have been the most conventional approach, but it got people excited.

That’s when things went down hill.

Wolverine started popping up all over the place in the “Where is Wolverine?” promotion. He appeared on the last page of several Marvel books. These “post-credit scenes” were completely toothless, adding nothing to their the comic they were in, or the larger Wolverine story. They were tiny vignettes of Wolverine just missing the actual plot of the book. Even worse, they were telegraphed and promoted, ruining any of the surprise from the moments. It was like 2008’s Iron Man opening with a note that Nick Fury was going to show up and talk about the Avengers at the end. This completely deflating promotion only accomplished one thing, fatiguing fans of the canucklehead.

Fans thought Wolverine would be a massive player in Gerry Duggan’s INFINITY COUNTDOWN and INFINITY WARS events, but would be sorely disappointed. After using him in the promotional image for the book and featuring him on the cover of the first issue, Wolverine was promptly written out of the event. He hid his infinity stone in a toilet and left Black Widow instructions to find it. Fans looking forward to seeing a favorite after so long were left feeling manipulated. His return brought back memories of the 90s, with Wolverine appearing on the cover of comics to move copies, not to support the story.

Many fans started to see the return as a cash grab, bleeding readers dry $3.99 at a time. It only got worse with the announcement of THE HUNT FOR WOLVERINE. Charles Soule, the man who killed Wolverine in the first place, would return to spearhead an event about the Marvel Universe looking for Wolverine. Between a quartet of four issue minis and two book end issues all we learned was that a mysterious organization called Soteira lead by a woman named Persephone had captured Logan. And that is pretty much it. Eighteen issues and $73.82 later and we got two names that have no relevance to fans.

This all led to the current RETURN OF WOLVERINE series from Charles Soule. It promised two things, answers and hot claws. That’s right, Wolverine now has a new power. Sometimes, when he is deep in the heart of a battle, Wolverine’s claws, weapons that can already cut through anything, get red hot. Soule has said if he was going to bring Wolverine back, he wanted there to be an important change. Three issues in, the hot claws are anything but. They have been a superficial addition that does nothing to further the character. It feels closer to the feral, noseless Wolverine of the mid-nineties than anything else.

It hasn’t helped that the book has not provided anything close to answers about the return of Wolverine. We have an amnesiac Logan breaking out of a secret facility, meeting a generic woman in need, and getting into fights. It hasn’t been told in an engaging fashion, and with two issues left, it would be a herculean effort to wrap this up satisfactorily. Additionally, original artist Steve McNiven had to drop out of the middle three issues of the book, leaving Declan Shalvey to rush pages out far below his normal quality. Even with this change the book has been delayed.

Adding to the frustration is the fact that Wolverine seems to be all over the Marvel Universe, with no consistency between his appearances. Veteran writer Jason Aaron introduced a Phoenix powered future version of Wolverine in his THOR book, and had that character travel back to the past in his AVENGERS. A Wolverine has shown up in Dan Slott’s FANTASTIC FOUR, one who refuses to comment on who he is or why he isn’t dead. Wolverine promises to be a major character in Matthew Rosenberg’s UNCANNY X-MEN. Soule is following up his RETURN OF WOLVERINE with a decades spanning tale of Logan’s past in MARVEL COMICS PRESENTS. Greg Pak is dragging him into his Weapon H finale with HULKVERINES. Gerry Duggan has announced the mini-series WOLVERINE: INFINITY WATCH which promises to bridge the gap between Wolverine’s first appearance with the Infinity Stone and his exit from the INFINITY COUNTDOWN series. All of these convoluted and seemingly contradictory stories have left fans scratching their heads, and apathetic to the future of Wolverine.

And that’s the major problem with how this whole return has been handled, apathy. Fans no longer trust that they are going to get a satisfying story. Waiting over a year to get resolution without any sign that it is actually coming has gotten people to stop caring about the character or his return, and that is a big deal. This is Wolverine, arguably the most popular character in the Marvel Universe, his return should be a massive event. It should galvanize sales and fan engagement. Instead, its’ biggest contribution has been everyone on Twitter making jokes about #hotclaws. Is that the reaction Marvel wanted? I doubt it. Fans want to be excited about Wolverine, but Marvel has made that nearly impossible. They want this to make some sort of sense, but unfortunately, it seems as if Wolverine’s return will just be remembered as another in a long line of bungled events with the X-Men.

How Did The Return Of Wolverine Get This Messed Up? was originally published on Xavier Files

[dirtyvulture]

😎As a add on to my thoughts on how R played into and enhanced the whole people believing that She was a guardian angel , vengeful spirit , and a cryptid. It goes without saying she only did that to protect her charges and for those that REALLY FUCKED UP ( Nazis - goes without saying, war criminals- doesn’t matter which side , people who deliberately harm the defenseless) . But most of the time she was showing her more tender and caring side ( even if to the men and the injured soldiers she is a no nonsense badass ) .

To R’s charges, local civilians and anyone that wasn’t in opposition to R she was the protective and gentle guardian angel, spirit and cryptid . To anyone in direct opposition , nazis , war criminals and anyone who deliberately harmed the defenseless R is the VENGEFUL Spirit , guardian angel and cryptid .

It is wild to me that a name solely for a bit became a character and that became a whole ass family line kinda sworn to take care of and support R as nobody else will . Now I would like to hear more about Esther from you Vulture. How do you see her looking like and is there one strong genetic trait that is passed down to all the Hudsons that makes them distinct, that when you look at them you can easily pick them out as a Hudson.

It is canon that Wolverine knows many , many languages because they have been alive for so long and been to so many places. Been in so many wars so that has me thinking . To add of bit of flare , a bit drama . Because let’s be real here even if she doesn’t admit it or doesn’t always act like it R is all about the flare , drama , and the theatrics . She was a sickly victorian child ( give or take a few years , the Victorian era was 1837 to 1901 ) , a byproduct of a torrid affair and learned her who her biological father was as she stabbed him with the claws that popped out of her knuckles after her biological father killed the only father she had know and bio dad tried to take her mother and her away. R is the DRAMA 🎭! So to add this drama R would sing in the naive language of whomever she is fighting at the moment, learned the local children’s songs and used it against them ( especially if they were harming children) . And because of her enchanted hearing she can pick out distinct conversations and even pick out individual’s names. R does what some haunted house scare actors do when they hear people saying each other’s names, R says the names and talks to them in their native languages. Let them HEAR her as she makes her approach so they have time to repent and pray to whatever deity they believe in. It is easy to say that with R’s enchanted sense of smell she smelled a lot of fear( among other things) coming from the oppositional soldiers, war criminals, people who thought it fun to harm the defenseless.

This is the last of Wolverine R thoughts until the excitedly awaited part 2 of the Darkest Knight au is out .

Also I don’t think R would have totally left Nat at the bar if she had insulated the truck, R isn’t heartless and Nat clearly needed help. R would have given her to the owner of the bar and had him , her , or them taken her home. R obviously lives in the type of community that everyone knows everyone and looks out for each other( nobody fucking likes Stu, he is an asshole ) so R would have called in a favor and made someone she trusted to look after Nat .

(Just noting this was sent in before Part 2 was posted :)

"The Wolverine" cryptid of war that appears to take care of the innocent and take out the evil. :)

All I can contribute to Esther's character is that she was a redhead. :) That is all.

I think it's funny to think of R as being a dramatic person, but yes, you are right. She always makes a big deal out of things that are nothing, and when it comes time to swiping down a couple of baddies, you bet she is doing it in the most dramatic (but humane) way possible.

True...Maybe R wouldn't have left Nat at the bar, but she definitely wouldn't have brought her home if Nat insulted her beloved truck. 😂 (Although this could also just be her being dramatic, and she takes Nat home anyway after throwing a big fit about it lol.)

I hope you enjoy Part 2, friend!

[epickendall]

Creature Feature Chapter 4

On a Monday morning, Mike arrives at his new school, Willow Peek High School after his dad dropped him off. In the middle of the front of the school is a bronze statue of a Wolverine over a log and there is plack on the right side that says "To the beloved school mascot Samuel Wolv,"

"Huh weird how makes a statue for a school mascot," Mike thought.

Mike goes inside of the school he heads to the front desk of the school to get his schedule, the school guide, and paperwork for his parents. Mike see he finds that his first period is a free period because of the Vice principal wanted Mike to look around the school to get familiar with the school. Mike wonders in the empty hall only to see Cody in the library reading a graphic novel Mike go in the library and come up to Cody.

"Hey Cody," said Mike

"Mike hey welcome to Willow Peek High School the last stop to College or freedom from school," said Cody

"So what are you doing in the library?"

"Well this my free period I got nothing else to do so I came here to read a couple of graphic novels,"

"Cool, hey if you don't mind can showing me around the school this place is kinda big,"

"Sure men let me just put this book back," Cody place the book back on the shelf and him, and Mike left the library.

Cody shows Mike around the school showing Mike the study halls, the GYM, the football field, the English hall, the science labs, the cafeteria, Music hall, and the vending machine. Then we get out the math hall they get stopped by a girl about their age she had brown hair, freckles, black eyes, grey vest, white collars long sleeves, dark green pants, and grey shoes she was holding a bunch of flyers.

"Hey you must be new to this school I haven't seen you before what's your name?" said the girl

"My name is Mike," said Mike

"Mike my name is Courtney two weeks from now the school is going to have a fair and student council would like volunteers for the school fair you should come you'll make a couple of new friends," Courtney hands Mike a flyer.

"Thanks, I'll think about it,"

Courtney to Cody her face turn into a disgusting look to him "here a flyer for Cody I hope you don't join to try to hit on the girls or an attempt to flirt on a girl," Courtney hangs Cody flyer and turns to Mike "nice meeting Mike," Courtney walks off

"What is that about you and Courtney Cody?" said Mike

"Yeah she hates me," said Cody rubbing the back of his neck

"Why what did you do to her,"

"Nothing I don't think the only thing she has against me is when I help Noah win class president from under her,"

"Are you sure that it? I mean the way she acted toward you it seems this more to the story,"

"Again I still don't know what I did to her," Cody sighs "let's move on,"

Cody and Mike walk around the school until the second bell ring, and they went to their classes. Later in the fourth period, Mike goes to his biology where he sees Zoey is in the class with an empty desk next to Zoey desk the so Mike sat at the desk, and Zoey notices.

"Hey Mike how your first day of school going?" said Zoey

"It's going good Zoey," said Mike

"That's good don't worry about this class Mike it's easy if just pay attention to your note,"

"I hope science isn't my thing,"

"If you like I can help tutor if you need on a question or the lesson,"

"Sure, Zoey, I would like that," Mike smiled.

When the class got started at about twenty minutes a red hair teenage boy, wearing a white beater, blue jeans, black belt, and dirty brown boots walk in the class, and the teacher stopped writing on the whiteboard.

"You're late again Scott there be a good excuse this time," said the teacher

"Sorry teach I got  stuck in traffic between classes," said Scott who gain a couple of snicker and giggles from a couple of students

"Hilarious Scott one more tardy in my class again you'll receive Saturday detention got it,"

"Whatever,"

Scott sits down behind Mike the class continues, but Scott kept poking at Mike's head for several minutes until Mike got annoyed and turned around.

"What?" Mike whispered

"You new here, right?" Scott whispered

"Yes, why?"

"Because only someone has to be new in order dress like a complete dork,"

Mike rolls his eyes and gets back to listening to the teacher as Scott kept making of him behind his back to another student.

"I mean look at that hair how much hair gel did he put into his hair," Scott whispered to make the student giggle.

Mike kept his cool until a voice popped into his head that he didn't want to hear again for a long time.

"You should shove a pencil up that jackass nose Mike," said the voice

"No, I'm not listening to you go away," Mike told the voice in his head.

"Come on your still mad at me I help you out a lot in our old school Mike,"

"Big help yeah right everyone thought I was complete Psycho and not wanting to be near me,"

"So what at least didn't become nobody little bitch in the past and right now you are a fucking bitch to this Scott guy,"

"Can you SHUT UP!"

Then the bell rings finishing class the student head for their next period Zoey come to Mike as they leave the classroom.

"Sorry about Scott he's a total asshole," said Zoey

"Don't worry about Zoey I dealt with worse people at my old school," said Mike

"So what you got next period Mike?"

"I got A-lunch then world history,"

"I got A-lunch as well Mike, do you want to come and eat with me at my table?"

"I would like that Zoey,"

Mike and Zoey head to the cafeteria the voice in Mike's head starts to fade away until it was gone for now.

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Abridged: 1976

The X-Men, those fiery mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(X-Men 97 - 102) - by Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

If I ever participate in Drag Race, this will be my entrance look. (“Hear me, bitches! No longer am I the woman you knew! I am fierce! I am fashion incarnate! Now and forever, the winner of season 27!” *mugs at camera* ) (X-Men 101)

It really amazes me how quickly Claremont shifts things into high gear. One year in and he absolutely does not calm down, giving us both the Shi’ar, more Sentinels and the (motherfucking) Phoenix. SO LET'S GOOOO

You’d think that, as a telepath, Charles would be used to dreaming absolutely twisted shit, surfing everybody else´s freaky dream waves, but apparently, vividly dreaming of space is so exhausting that he needs a vacation.

To be fair, I’d be exhausted too if I dreamt of schizo space bugs on detailed splash pages. Get into it, Mr. Cockrum. (X-Men 97)

Meanwhile, Alex and Lorna have absconded to the sizzling Rio Diablo to work on their doctorates. It’s unclear what they’re studying (archaeology?) and where this Rio Diablo is (Panama, Chili, Ecuador?), but considering that Rio means River, I’m unsure whether drawing a dry dry desert is the appropriate setting. But hey, this was the pre-Google era and you’re not here for topographical nitpicking, so.

Lorna is shot by an unknown assailant and continues the long, long history of Polaris being mentally overtaken by other entities. Together with the equally not-himself Havoc, they travel back to NYC and attack the plane Xavier is boarding. The X-Men battle them, until it is revealed that these former not-quite-X-Men are in league with… Eric the Red?

Scott is all: But I was Eric the Red! Also, Eric the Red does not exist!

Xavier escapes, apparently not giving a fuck that all kinds of X-Men are demolishing the JFK airport, but the still-evil Havok and Polaris also get away. The X-Men are shook!

Some time later, The X-Men celebrate X-Mas at Rockefeller Square, where Claremont skips some steps in favour of narrative expediency. Moira and Sean are apparently in a relationship, Jean and Storm are the best of friends. It’s some pretty rough telling, not showing, but we’ll allow it, but only because the Storm/Jean-friendship is one of my favourite things.

What, you think only the movies indulged in Lee/Kirby-cameos? (X-Men 98)

Anyway, Jean and Scott are attacked by the Sentinels, who continue their trend of being way too sneaky for supersized racist robots! Xavier is kidnapped on his boat trip with super-duper scientist Peter Corbeau (seriously, he has two Nobel Prizes), while they steal away Jean, Sean and Logan in NYC. When they come to, there’s some gloating from Stephen Lang.

Jean Grey being a literal pin-up while delivering nazi-burns is such a big middle finger to everything she was in the sixties and I am here for it. (X-Men 98)

When the three kidnapped X-Men make a break for it and escape the Sentinel’s clutches, they burst through a wall, only to be greeted by the cold vacuum of space! They’re not on Earth at all: they’re on a formerly SHIELD space station! GASP! (literally)

In secret, Peter Corbeau, inventor of sliced bread, helps the X-Men back on Earth board a space shuttle, where Colossus remembers his brother Mikhail (objectively the worst Rasputin), a kosmonaut who died at the launch of another spacecraft. It’s another Future Plotline Seed©.

The X-Men dodge solar storms which sounds like a made-up contrivance but aren’t, while the Sentinels try to destroy the shuttle. In what the kids these days call a pro-gamer move, the X-Men instead ram the space station and go through to these apparently sub-par Sentinels like Magma through butter. Kurt’s showmanship and Colossus’ loyalty are highlighted, while Cyclops becomes more robotic and repressed the more Jean is in danger.

Colossus’ secondary mutation is apparently BEING THE BIGGEST DORK. (X-Men 99)

Scott almost kills Stephen Lang, but then Stephen throws his ace in the hole at them: THE OLD X-MEN? This reveal throws us right in the hallmark one hundredth issue!

And, look. Stephen, this is just a terrible plan. Instead of using most of your budget on making more impressive Sentinels, you blow half of it on making janky X-Men clones to… what? Confuse the real X-Men?

It works for a hot minute, but Kurt and Ororo quickly figure out something is wrong. This Beast, for example, isn’t hairy and this Jean doesn’t remember being in Storm’s confidence. Wolverine is the first to snap: acting on instinct, he kills ‘Jean’, proving she’s an android.

Stephen Lang, foiled by the X-Men’s logical thinking skills (which, to be fair, are notoriously unreliable), spews some hatred and accidentally blows himself up. Nothing of value is lost.

Too bad the X-Men can’t return to Earth: their space shuttle is too damaged. I actually love this: going to space is kind of a big deal for most people and the fact that the X-Men have trouble because they’re stranded in space lends them a kind of vulnerability that has been lost over the recent years. Jean steps up to the plate, herds the other X-Men into the protected life cell and assumes the pilot seat of the shuttle. This is after zapping Cyclops into unconsciousness and telling the other X-Men to kindly fuck off when they try to stop her.

As the X-Men descend onto the Earth, Jean’s telekinesis isn’t enough to protect her as she’s engulfed by solar flares. OR IS SHE?

Nothing funny. All of these panels are just beautiful. Forget those robot copy X-Men, this is why this issue is worthy of being the hundredth one. (X-Men 100)

The space shuttle crashes, rolls over JFK airport before dunking in the water. The X-Men emerge, safe, sound and very lucky and then, defying all odds, Jean emerges as the Phoenix. Fire, life incarnate, etc.

After a brief but melodramatic burst of energy, Jean collapses into unconsciousness and is hospitalized. Wolverine intends to bring her flowers (aw!), before throwing them out when he realizes the gal’s taken, establishing the X-Men’s most famous love triangle. (You can fuck right off with your Scott/Jean/Warren-bullshit.)

I’m not sure what my favorite thing is here: the absolutely bonkers everybody’s-elated-panel (special mention to Kurt’s boots and his bounce) or the subtle character beat where Kurt goes all heart-of-the-team and checks on Scott, who turns out to be not so stoic. (X-Men 101)

Charles orders all the X-Men (except Scott) to go on vacation, so he can take care of Jean. Like, Charles, you’d think they could just go hang out at the X-Mansion. Instead, they go to Ireland because Sean has conveniently inherited the ancestral Cassidy Keep.

All the X-Men dress up fancy for a welcoming feast, and it seems Kurt and Ororo are flirting? But sometimes, it also seems like Ororo and Piotr are flirting? Listen, I’m not judging: I love these polycule vibes from the early X-Men. Especially because neither Kurt nor Ororo have had particularly satisfying romantic plotlines for the past 20 years.

I’m not here to insinuate nothing, but last time I said “I enjoy being with both of you”, it ended up in a spitroast. (X-Men 101)

The soiree is interrupted by… THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH, and Black Tom, Sean Cassidy’s evil cousin. They are hired by an unknown someone to kill the X-Men! Since nobody subtle is involved, they quickly wreck the castle and everybody tumbles into the dungeons. (Local news paper reports: gay power couple harasses ill-dressed American tourists.)

This story is mostly a vehicle to tells Ororo’s backstory: Storm, one of the few who could conceivably put up a fight to Cain Marko, feels caged by the cold rocks of Cassidy Keep and is incapacitated by her claustrophobia.

Back in the USA, Charles, who’s heard Storm’s mental anguish, is furious with Scott because he doesn’t hop in a plane to save the other X-Men, even though Scott correctly points out that he’ll never get there in time if he leaves now. Meanwhile, Jean awakens, convinced she somehow brought herself back to life. Yeah, you go girl.

While the rest of the X-Men fight the evil duo in Ireland, Claremont tells Storm’s backstory in a few gorgeous spreads.

“I could write a novel about Storm’s backstory.” “You get two pages.” “Deal.” (X-Men 102)

Another classic comics trope appears here, where family members are immune to one another’s powers. I have no idea how Black Tom is immune to Banshee’s sonic scream - he has ears.

Does Black Tom just have a voice in his ears going NEENER NEENER NEENER when Sean screams? (X-Men 102)

When Storm finally pulls herself back together, it’s too late: the Juggernaut has pummeled the other X-Men into a paste and she also falls to his onslaught. IS THIS THE END OF THE X-MEN?!

Other things introduced this year:

Kurt’s image inducer, which he abuses to look like Errol Flynn. (I would abuse it to look like an amalgam of Milo Ventimiglia (ca. Gilmore Girls) and Timothée Chardonnay. OR like Emmy Raver-Lampman.)

The fastball special!

All kinds of name confusion: Lorna is Polaris, Havok is sometimes Havoc and Piotr becomes Peter.

Best new character: Phoenix. Hit me with that iconic shit.

What to read: The Stephen Lang arc is not fully necessary, just read issue 100 and 101. Don’t skip issue 102 if you want to know all about Storm’s past.

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 10x05: “Fan Fiction”

As a former theatre kid, this episode brings me so much joy.

“Ghost? Meet Winchester.”

There’s our girl!

“Where is the Samulet?”

“Oh! I took it off. It kept hitting me in the lips, and...”

“That amulet is the symbol of the Winchesters' brotherly love!”

!!!

“There is too much drama in the drama department.” Well...yeah.

“Why couldn't they just do ‘Godspell’ like good little skanks ? Instead it's this... awful, unbelievable horror story. Hmm! Like that stuff really happens! Huh, theater is about life, you know? Truth! Truth! Where is the truth in ‘Supernatural’?”

What the fuck kind of teacher is this??

I had a theater teacher who told us theatre was magic. I think she would’ve liked Marie’s play about Supernatural.

There she goes.

“I mean, it's close, but it's just.... It needs a little more grrrr!”

Our very special title card.

“Sundown” by Gordon Lightfoot

Our beautiful Baby.

Dean awake before Sam? A shocker.

“A teacher in an all girls school went missing in Flint, Michigan. She was heading to her car, disappeared, and nobody's seen her since.”

“Dean, there's nothing here that even remotely suggest there is a case.”

“There is nothing that even remotely suggest there isn't a case. Boom!”  

Logic!

Hell yes!

Thank you, thank you, thank you Robbie Thompson.

“Ugh, theater kids. Great.”  

“What? I was a theater kid.”

“Barely. You did ‘Our Town’, which was cool. But then, you did that crappy musical.”

“The - ‘Oklahoma’? Hugh Jackman got cast off of ‘Oklahoma’.”

“You ran tech, Wolverine.”

Hey, Techies are just as important as the actors.

They missed the huge banner advertising the show??

hahahaha, their faces are hilarious. Granted, if I found out someone made a musical about my life, I’d be speechless too.

“If there is case... It probably has something to do with all of this.” It has everything to do with it.

Marie, writer/director, and Maeve, the stage manager. (Fun fact: I was a stage manager once! Lots of fun, work, and telling people to shut up and pay attention.)

“I'm Special Agent Smith. This is my partner, Special Agent -”

“Smith.”

“Smith. No relation.”

Again with the joke.

There’s plenty of singing in Supernatural, mostly from you, Dean.

“If there was singing, it would be classic rock. Not this Andrew Floyd Webber crap -”

“Andrew Lloyd Webber.”

Love the improv correction.

Don’t shoot down “Carry on Wayward Son”, Sam.

I also had a theater teacher who went through a divorce.

“Maeve, right? You're the stage manager?”

“And I understudy Jody Mills.”

Maeve would make a great Jody!

“I'm gonna throw up.” Shush, Dean.

“I mean, I gotta say, it's kind of charming. The production value, and the...” I love Sam’s sincere interest tho.

Rule #1: You never touch the props.

“Why are they standing so close together?”

“Um...Reasons.”

“You know they're brothers, right?”

“Well, duh! But... Subtext.”

We gotta address that.

“You know, back when I did tech in school, we had two CD decks-”

“I'm sorry, I have to go sign the delivery.”

Aww Sam! I would love to hear his theater stories.

Pfft, Sam.

“There's no space in Supernatural.” We got close to it...

“Chuck stopped writing after ���Swan Song’. I just- I couldn't leave it the way that it was! I mean, Dean not hunting anymore, living with Lisa?! Sam, somehow back from Hell, but not with Dean?! So, I wrote my own ending.” I don’t blame her.

“Dean becomes a woman.” Would still wanna see that happen in an episode.

“So, Sam came back from Hell. But without a soul. Then, Cas brought in a bunch of Leviathans from Purgatory. They lost Bobby. And then, Cas and Dean got stuck in Purgatory, Sam hit a dog. They met a prophet named Kevin, they lost him too. Then Sam endured a series of trials, in an attempt to close the gates of Hell. Which nearly cost him his life. Then Dean? Dean became a demon. Knight of Hell, actually.”

S6-9 summary, courtesy of Dean.

Here comes the second hand embarrassment.

“That is some of the worst fan fiction that I've ever heard ! I mean, seriously, I don't know where your friend found this garbage!” Oof, I still don’t like that.

“Siobhan and Kristen are a couple in real life. Although, we do explore the nature of Destiel in act two.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Oh, it's just subtext ! But, then again, you know, you can't spell subtext without.... s-e-x.”

!!!!!

Hi, Jensen.

“I don’t understand.”

“Me either.”

“I mean, shouldn't it be... Deastiel?”

LMAO SAM.

“You know... How about Sastiel? Samstiel?”

“Ok, alright. You know what? You're gonna do that thing, where you just shut the hell up. Forever.”

Teasing brother, Sam.

“This whole musical thing, everything, it's... It's all a coincidence? There is no case?” When is it ever just a coincidence?

“Get in the car!”  

!!!!!!!

BUT HE NEVER DENIED IT THOO, that’s all i’m saying.

“You know, we should've done ‘The Outsiders’, like I told you.”

Maggie’s the second person to get kidnapped.

“I called the cops, and a bunch of adults just told me I have an overactive imagination.” :(

“It is all real. And so are we. I'm Sam Winchester. That's Dean.” NO NO NO.

“You guys are way too old to be Sam or Dean.”

“Oh, yeah!”

“More of a Bobby/Rufus combo? Maybe.”

How old do they think Sam and Dean should be???

“We are what the books called hunters.” They believe that.

First guess: a tulpa.

“How do you kill an idea?”  

“Well, in ‘Hell House’, Sam and Dean burnt the house down, to take out the one tulpa they hunted.”

Correct!

“Gird your loins. It's horrifying.” Umm...okay.

I love how reluctant Marie was to burn her prop.

“What?”

“It’s not a tulpa.”

“Say it one more time, but just a little bit more Arnold--”  

LMAO, Dean.

Calliope.

“According to the lore, Calliope manifests creatures from the story she's tuned into.”

The show must go on.

An understandable panic attack over the possibility of getting eaten.

“Is Marie gonna get eaten?” Shush.

I love when Dean calls people “champ”. It’s so sweet and endearing.

“If Sam and Dean were real, they wouldn't back down from a fight. Especially my sweet, brave, selfless Sam. There's nothing he can't do.” !!!

“I used this for my one-woman ‘Orphan Black’ show, last year.” Marie is the theater kid I would’ve lowkey wanted to be.

“Writer. Director. Actor. I'm gonna Barbra Streisand this bitch.” FUCK YES! KICK IT IN THE ASS!

Dean fixing Stage!Cas’ tie!!

Funny Sam asked for Chuck...

“Oh! I-I, I love him. I do! But honestly, the whole author introducing himself into the narrative thing, it's just not my favorite. I kind of hate the meta stories.” I politely disagree.

“Alright, listen up, girls. Now, you're all here, because you love ‘Supernatural’.”

“Actually, I was hoping we'd do ‘Wicked’.” 

“I want you to get out there, and I want you to stand as close as she wants you to, and I want you to put as much sub and add text, as you possibly can. There is no other road. No other way. No day, but today.”

“Did he just quote ‘Rent’?”

“Not enough to get us into trouble.”

“Ghooooost-facerssss!”  This episode just adds wonderful years to my lifespan.

You know what I would pay to watch this play in full???

“The Road So Far”

There it is.

The misunderstood thumbs up, lmao.

Sam goes bye bye.

Maggie and the teacher.

They were in the school’s basement.

Hello, Calliope.

“I’ll Just Wait Here Then”

Nothing makes me more emotional than seeing the audience fall in love Stage!Cas, much like we did with our real Cas.

“If I have to sit through that second act, one more time... There's robots, and tentacles, and space. I can't even.” lol

“A Single Man Tear”

That exorcism special effect is so wonderful! I can see how they do it now, but from the audience’s POV, it’s absolutely magical.

What the hell did the audience think Dean was doing??

“We're through the looking glass, here, people. Strike the wendigo set, let's prep the priests costumes. And Sarah? Get understudies into hair and makeup.” Maeve’s a A+ stage manager.

“Supernatural has everything. Life. Death. Resurrection. Redemption. But above all, family. All sorts of music you can really tap your toe to. It isn't some meandering piece of genre dreck. It's... epic!” Agreed.

Stage!Dean is a pro if she could keep singing with everything going on in the background.

lmao at the one guy putting on his poncho.

Original Stage!Sam knocks out Calliope.

Understudy!Sam kills the Scarecrow.

Sam kills Calliope. A trifecta of Sam Awesomeness.

RIP Calliope. Killed by Sam.

The audience must be wondering how they managed to do that for years.

“Take a bow, Sammy.” Take a bow too, Dean.

“Thanks for saving my friends.”

“Sure.”

“You know? If you'd cut your hair a little, you'd make a pretty good Dean.”

Aww.

“Dean? You never should've thrown this away.” YYYEEESSS

“It never really worked. And, I don't need a symbol to remind me how I feel about my brother, so...”

“Just take it. Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

I love Dean’s panic when he realizes he just called a teenage girl a “bitch” without meaning to, lmaoo.

Take it away Stage!Winchesters!

Let me tell you, I literally bursted into tears when they started singing “Carry On Wayward Son”. It’s beautifully done.

Starting with Stage!Mary, who is more or less Square 1 of the entire story.

i remember a lot of people being upset about Cas not being part of the family lineup at the end, and I get it. But if Marie was only going off of the first 5 seasons, it makes sense that she didn’t see Cas as family yet because Sam and Dean didn’t see Cas as family yet. They’re just one year shy of that.

BUT the same girl who plays Cas is on stage as Adam, a technical Winchester. You could say Cas took over Adam’s role as the third Winchester “brother” because canonically speaking, that’s the highest title Sam and Dean have given Cas.

“Who's that?”

“Oh, that's Adam. John Winchester's other kid. He's still trapped in the cage, in Hell. With Lucifer.”

lmaooo. Awkward.

“Don’t you cry no more.” I sing, while crying.

I wish he had kept the Samulet Part 2 on there.

A picture perfect ending.

...One last surprise.

“Oh my gosh! But wait... That means that- Calliope came for me or for-?” Did Marie know who he was?

I thought it was Cas...

I legit lost my goddamn mind when I saw him.

A perfect episode of Supernatural, in my most humble opinion.